#hope everyone is having a good start to their week! 💫

[musette22]

Looong travel day so I'll update properly at a later time, but we're in the cutest apartment in Bed-Stuy in a proper Brooklyn brownstone, and I watched both The Avengers and CA:TWS on the plane so I'm kinda high on Stucky feels right now and it's the best 🥺 Thinking I about them at every street corner, just love them soooo much guyssss ♥️🗽

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

06/05/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; RhysDarby/TheCryptidFactor; Taika Waititi; David Jenkins; Leslie Jones; Vico Ortiz; Erroll Shand; Samson Kayo; Ruibo Qian Samba Schutt; SOFMD Crew Fundraiser for Queer Elders; SOFMD Crew Guide to Call in to Menace Max; AdoptOurCrew - Articles On #DontStreamOnMax; SonnetforBonnet - Hope for OFMD; National Park Service; Fan Spotlight; Pride Month; MerMay2024; LoveNotes; Daily Darby/Today's Taika;

== Rhys Darby ==

Rhys is on The ParaNormal Life with Dan Schreiber today! When two paranormal podcasts collide!

== Taika Waititi ==

Taika out with Rita and VasJMorgan :)

Source: BeachersMadhouse Instagram

== David Jenkins ==

Chaos Dad reposted an OFMD ad from BINGE... apparently OFMD is streaming there now!

Source: David Jenkins' Twitter

== Samson Kayo ==

Some rare footage of our beloved Samson!

Source: Samson Kayo's Instagram

== Samba Schutte ==

Samba sending out some love to his costars/writers/directors! "A beautiful shoot with the incredible @mintmilana, written and directed by the lovely @valerieandchaney, with a bunch of beautiful people, where I get to play a fantasy man (makes sense, makes sense….)😶‍🌫️💫✨ #film #indiefilm #bestlife"

Source: Samba Schutte's Instagram

== Erroll Shand ==

Are you ready to see Erroll Shand in #TheTwelve this July? You can watch it on Binge!

Source: Erroll Shand's Instagram

== Ruibo Qian ==

Some sketches of our Pirate Queen out on the town <3

Source: Ruibo Qian's Instagram Stories

== Vico Ortiz ==

Vico's new movie SPARK starts screening on June 24 in LA! You can visit https://www.thefilmspark.com/ for tickets and information!

Source: Vico Ortiz Instagram Stories

== Leslie Jones ==

Leslie's out with the LA Sparks <3

Source: Leslie Jones Instagram Stories

== Save OFMD Crew: SAGE ==

The SAGE Fundraiser (for LGBTQ+ Elders) is now live! This fundraiser is tiered so as more goals are met, there will be more to come!

Source: Save OFMD Crew Instagram

= MORE BELOW THE CUT =

== Save OFMD Crew - Week 1 Call In Guide ==

Wanna help menace max on the phone?

Find out more here: SaveOFMDCrewMates Tumblr

== AdoptOurCrew - Articles ==

More #DontStreamOn Max Articles. Thanks @adoptourcrew for catching them!

Tech Radar Article

Hot New Hiphop Article

Source: AdoptOurCrew's Tumblr

== Hope for OFMD ==

Our awesome crewmate @sonnetforbonnet shared this article from Metro regarding Netflix picking up an axed show with a 100% Rotten Tomatoes Rating. There's hope for Our Flag Means Death yet!

Source: SonnetForBonnet's Instagram

== National Park Service ==

Our crewmates at the National Park Service are at it again! Check out their instagram post to learn more about Night Skies and Moonglow!

Source: National Park Service Instagram

== Fan Spotlight ==

== Cast Cards ==

Today's cast cards is one of our other directors-- Andrew DeYoung! Thank you @melvisik for highlighting him as well :)

== Pride Month ==

Another lovely piece by our friend SpencerDoesArtt for Pride month <3 Can't wait to see what they get up to this month!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by spencer (@spencerdoesartt)

== MerMay 2024 Prompts ==

Seeing some more of the mermay submissions still coming in!

== GooGooGoJob ==

More MerMay from the talented @googoogojob. Wow, this is absolutely stunning!

Source: @googoogojob's Tumblr

== Eros The Artist ==

Day 27 was The Chain! The fantastic @erostheartist re-made the Fleetwood Mac album in Lucius and Pete's image! Love it!

Source: @ ErosTheArtist's Tumblr

== Love Notes ==

Hey lovelies. I hope everyone is having a good Thursday! It's almost the end of the week! Have you had enough water today? Have you had a snack lately? Please remember to hydrate especially as half the world is coming into summer months!

Today I wish I had more time to write something but I'm once again a bit behind. Gonna send a love reminder from someone else today. Rest well crew <3

Source: MyNames_Ellen's Instagram

== Daily Darby / Today's Taika ==

I'm sure I've done both of these before but they are happening again, so there. Gifs courtesy of my darling @ofmd-ann, may your pillows always be soft and cool.

[moonchild-in-blue]

*ahem*

I'm

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

💙🌙🌷🍊🦋💫🥺🍓🌧️🐸💖🌈🍷🌝☔🌊

Hello hello hello hi hello I'm here I'm back no longer on timeout helloooooooo 🥹💃🤸‍♀️

I've missed you all sooooo much muwah muwah how is everyone doing babes??

I'm gonna be going through my tags and stuff today so bear with me. Let me know if I've missed anything important or funny or silly or whatever. Or idk, say hi if you wanna 🥺👉👈

IN THE MEANTIME, I have at last gone through my ask box! There was a lot! Wow, am I bad at this!! At least you'll get plenty of doodles from me (most of them are sky/moon pictures because of course they are).

I don't want to spam you all babes, so I have scheduled them to be posted* throughout this week starting tomorrow 💙 queue will also be back on tomorrow

* (there are about 2 or 3 or so that I will be hoarding for a little longer, but with all of this done, I can at last spend a little extra focus on them 🥹 if there's anything I missed I apologise 🩷)

NOW, I have quite a few drafts I made during these past 2 weeks. They are weird and cringe and highly specific. I'm gonna post them all today / tomorrow because I don't want to deal with them any longer. Sorry but also not sorry 😌✌️

I'm giving them a "Timeout Drafts" tag so you know these don't necessarily reflect my mood for today (most likely they do - i stand by my opinions lmaoo).

Uhhhhhhhh and that's that I guess? Happy Halloween and all! 🎃🍂🍁 Today is hot as balls (damn heatwave), and I'm not having a wonderful time (also on my mensies 🥺) but hey. At least it's for a short time, I'm very looking forward to hoa hoa hoa weather.

Hmmmm what else, what else. I changed my blog a little, it looks cute! My ukulele arrived and SONGS are being LEARNT (learned? meh).

Hmmm, I catched up on a lot of shows. I've already posted my reviews on TUA S4 (🤢🥴💔💀🥲) and KAOS (🥹💖😚🥰❤��‍🔥) (i am indeed re-watching it), but I also finished Emily In Paris (LOVE the Italian guy, second part was much better than the 1st), and FINALLY watched S2 of Fleabag (oh my GOD YOU GUYS!!! I AM IN SHAMBLES!!! WOAH!!! PAIN AND AGONY!!! 🥺💔).

Uhhhhhhhhhh I think that's it. I need to cut my hair and bangs. Hope everyone has been eating good and drinking water and missing me a lot 😤🫵

====☁️=====☁️=====🌞======☁️==

🌲🌳🌲_🍄_🐇🦫_🧃🥪🧁🍇_🐿️🦔🐁_🍄_🌲🌳🌲

🌱 forest friends having a delicious picnic 🌱

[lovely-lauren-arts]

Bro lauren for me school starts in like 1 - 2 weeks and istg I am NOT ready to go back😭 And I'll tell you why

1. ALL of our breaks were shortened for NO REASON except for our like 2 months of after schools over.

2. The boys there. the first 'skibidi sigma alpha male ohio skibidi toilet' I hear from one of them I'm throwing myself out the window.

3. My sister won't be at the middle school anymore since she's a year ahead of me (She's been held back a few times though).

4. Mrs. Ma-rude-ass. (Nickname for a rude, strict and idiotic teacher we have.)

And so you don't kill me ill ask some questions.

1. How was school for you? If you feel like sharing, not forcing.

2. did any of the obe parents go to school?

3. Who owns the orphanage that beatrice and dolly were sent to?

4. how is your toe and your cat?

5. Do you know the music artist 'Yaelokre'?

Anyways hope you are ok, I'll stop my yap now.

1. Yeah they don't care. School is designed to create little workers. Don't let it suck out your creativity and imagination.

2. When I went to school, all the boys were shouting DEEZ NUTS but I bet it's even more brainrot now.

3. L

4. I had a very horrible, grumpy teacher and everyone called her Miss. Creature because that's what her last name sounded like.

1. School was fine. It could've gone a lot worse but also, I wish I could go back in time to redo it. I always felt a sense of isolation despite having a few friends.

I was in secondary school during 2011-2016. My friend, lets call him Biz, was a full on anime-lover and brony 🦄. He was kind creepy but he was a good friend. Most of my friends were a little quirky. But I haven't seen or talked to any of them since school.

Bullying wasn't really an issue. I did get some people say things to me and one girl even tried to fight me once because I had accidentally tripped her up but other than that, it wasn't as bad as I had prepared myself for it to be. But I didn't get the typical teenage experience since I didn't exactly fit in.

2. Yes but I don't have any information about that since it's not a focus.

3. A woman named Margaret. More about her will come soon.

4. Toe is getting better, thanks. I can walk better now but not for too long. And all the cats are good.

5. Yeah, kinda. I love that Harpy Hare song. But I haven't listened to anything else from the artist.

Hope you're ok too 💫

[frogcoven99]

My Thoughts on Wish 💫💜🌳🐐🫧

⚠️SPOILERS AHEAD⚠️

FUCK I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG

First of all, this review is dedicated to that one Wish stan on Twitter who said I have "no media literacy" when I tried to say that Magnifico wasn’t really threatening, but wasn’t trying to start off a big fight or anything.

I hope that person is having a wonderful day, and I hope this review proves that I do actually have media literacy 🥰🥰

Now, back to the film:

I really wanted to like this movies guys. A film about the origins of the wishing star sounded amazing!

And after I saw the film TWICE in theaters, I was in love. I thought surely my opinion wouldn’t change.

But…the more I thought about the movie, the worst it got.

For example, the songs. I don’t think I need to explain to you guys why "I let you live for free and I don’t even charge you rent" and "throw caution to every warning sign" and "watch out world here I are" DO NOT WORK.

I don’t blame the songwriters for this, because I’m sure they are very talented people.

But they were clearly not the people who should have been in charge of the music.

Not to mention the fact that Julia Michaels was given TWO WEEKS to write “This Wish”….

The Characters

Asha 💜

I like Asha’s design enough, like her braids. But her personality is as bland as a scoop of vanilla ice cream (jk, vanilla ice cream is goated).

Lots of people have complained that the “adorkable” leading lady trope has worn out its welcome.

I used to disagree since those “quirky” characters were some of my favorites (Like Rapunzel, Mirabel, and Moana), but Asha has definitely reached my limit with them.

Rapunzel, Anna, Moana, and Mirabel all feel like distinct characters from each other (yeah stfu ModernGurlz), but Asha feels like an imitation of them, like the cheap Walmart version.

And she’s not really interesting either, she has a passion for art, but the film doesn’t do anything with it. In fact, nothing about her feels genuine. She feels so hollow and like she only has two personality traits: Quirky and the protagonist.

Like, during “This Wish” (which is probably the worst Disney “I want” song ever) I never felt connected with her. It just felt like, oh this is the Disney “I want” song because this is a Disney movie.

I didn’t understand what Asha wanted, “something more for us than this”? Okay…what about you? What do you want?

With all the other Disney “I want” songs, I could feel a connection and what the character wanted.

So yeah, Asha is probably the worst protagonist in the modern era of Disney. At least in terms of writing.

And while I did say I like her design, I prefer her concept arts.

King Magnifico 🫧

Chris Pine seems like he is having a blast in the recording booth, and I gotta say his performance was pretty good. But it wasn’t enough to save this character :/

So, the main problem with his character is that I can kinda agree with him on the whole wishes thing. But, I also barely found him threatening.

The most threatening things he does in this movie is crush a bunch of balls (that’s what she said) that make people feel sad and chain everyone to the ground.

Not only that, Magnifico’s use of his magic is SO LAME! Another major reason I was never intimated by him is because he never did anything really scary or threatening with his magic, all he could do was create giant hands and chain people up. Like…ok? Is that all you got? Really? 😑

Also, I don’t think I need to tell you that his villain song SUCKS ASS. You know it, everyone knows it. I’m not getting into it. Go listen to a real villain song like "Hellfire" or “Friends on the other side" instead.

As for the other characters, I don’t have much to say about them unlike Asha and Magnifico.

Star ⭐️

The Star was really really cute, even tho they were just a Luma/marketable plushie. And also REALLY reminds me of a squish mallow, am I the only one who sees that?

I should definitely mention how he was originally gonna be a StarBoy, but we’ll get to that later don’t you worry. That is a VERY important element in our discussion.

The Other Characters This Movie Has

Amaya is so BORING! She barely has a character outside of being the queen and Magnifico’s wife, she was just…there. You could remove her from the movie with very little tweaking and nothing would change.

I would’ve preferred it if she was also a villain like Magnifico, which WAS originally in the script. But like StarBoy, that is something we will get to later.

The Teens are fine, but really forgettable. I like how they are all based off the Seven Dwarves, that’s cute. But it feels like they didn’t have any character outside of that.

Yeah, Dahlia is Asha’s bestie, but there wasn’t enough scenes between them to show me their dynamic to make me feel like their friendship was genuine.

Simon ended up snitching out on Asha and betraying the Teens in the middle, but I literally couldn’t have cared less because what do we know about this guy other than he’s sleepy and gave his wish to Magnifico?

As for the other Teens, just like Amaya, they could’ve been removed from the script and barely anything would change. The grumpy one had some sassy moments, and he’s voiced by Harvey Guillén (Perrito’s VA) so that’s something I guess. The shy one had this one gag that had comedic potential, but wasn’t really expanded.

And as for the other Teens…uh…I can’t remember a single thing they did honestly.

And then there’s Valentino…fuck that goat man. 😑 I love Alan Tudyk and his roles in other (better) Disney movies, but yeah Valentino is definitely my least favorite role he’s ever done.

All of his jokes were unfunny, and were mostly butt jokes. Which is probably my least favorite form of comedy ever that I cannot stand for the life of me.

Speaking of which, this movie just was not funny. None of the jokes made me laugh or chuckle or even smile.

Raya and the Last Dragon is a Disney movie that I really don’t like, but there were some jokes that got a chuckle or smile out of me. Wish didn’t even have ONE good joke.

Uhh…Asha’s grandpa was build up as someone important but he just peaces out in the middle of the movie with Asha’s mom, who did not do a single thing other than a ball getting shattered making her sad.

And that’s all the characters in this movie.

Legacy Nods, why they do not work

Alright, what else is there to talk about?

Maybe the endless amount of Disney references? I get it’s the 100th anniversary film and all and Disney has had Hidden Gems like that in their films. But the difference is the ones in previous films were subtle and hidden in the background, and it would probably take you a rewatch to see it.

But in Wish? They all feel shoved down your throat. It’s like: “HEY REMEMBER THIS MOVIE??" “REMEMBER THAT??” “DON’T YOU WANNA WATCH THAT MOVIE???” It’s so exhausting.

When I heard the movie was gonna have “legacy nods” as they liked to call it, I was excited and thought it would be so much fun to point them all out and to pay closer attention to the background.

But instead every nod was thrown at my face and was heavily obvious. Disappointing 😔

The Animation

Let’s get to the animation now. It’s probably (one of) the most discussed things about this movie, especially when the teaser first dropped last year.

Lots of people were complaining it looks like a Disney Junior show or Ai and said it looks unfinished. Even one of my best friends who was just as excited for this movie as I was admitted it looked weird.

At first, I loved this art style and thought it was beautiful. And I was determined it would look even more beautiful on the big screen.

And now? I…actually still like it. I definitely don’t hate it, and thinks it gets some getting used to. I think it’s actually kinda pretty.

Apparently it’s supposed to be watercolor and combined with 2D animation, which is neat.

But compared to the films like the Spider Verse films or Puss In Boots 2, yeah it’s not the best.

I personally would’ve preferred it if the film was in 2D, Disney’s 100th anniversary would’ve been a PERFECT time to return 2D animation! But, nope 😒

Yeah it’s bad, but…

I know I’m making it seem like I hate this movie, but I really don’t. I’m disappointed in it more than anything.

If anything, I’m thankful this movie was still made.

Why?

Well, easy.

It allowed many people to be able to tell their own version of the story.

I’m sure we’ve all heard of StarBoy and the cut Evil Amaya.

And yeah, these concepts could’ve made this movie 1000x better.

But because of these concepts, so many amazing people have been given the opportunity to rewrite the movie and give amazing stories.

I have read so many wonderful Wish rewrites, which are so much better than the film.

At the end of the today, Wish is a bad movie.

But, I’m glad it exists.

Without it, we wouldn’t have gotten so many amazing stories.

I’m gonna give Wish a 4/10, still bad, but I appreciate its existence for the rewrites alone.

[pinkdripss]

Hiii I recently discovered your post today and it was really good! :]

Could I ask for Trixie, Sunburst, and Starlight having a huge crush on reader. So basically crush headcanons and reader is GN and is a Pegasus. Have a good day/night!

IT'S BEEN A YEAR. I'M SO SORRY.

Trixie, Sunburst, and Starlight with crushes on GN/Pegasus reader! :D

Trixie Lulamoon 💫

She's so desperate to impress you. All sorts of "Y/N WATCH THIS!!! :D"

(usually doesn't end well...)

Drags you on ALLLLL of her tours and trips around Equestria.

Starlight is probably getting daily earfuls on how cool and great you are... ("You should tell them how you feel!" "The Great and Powerful Trixie is not Great and Powerful enough to handle rejection :(")

Her most practiced spell is one for cloud walking to see you more often.

Y/N brainrot. Hard. Always thinking about you. Always talking about you. Always everything about you.

Comes off as super confident and cool, but if you say something nice ("Wow, that was really neat Trixie! :)") she absolutely melts into a puddle.

Starlight Glimmer ✨

Not the shyest, but not the most confident either.

Doesn't talk about you much unless someone else brings you up first. Celestia save them if they do... Once she's started, she won't stop.

Always asking Mane 6 + Trixie for advice, who have said the same thing ("Just TELL THEM ALREADY.") a million times. She's nervous though :(

Starlight gets worried her past will affect her relationship with you. She overthinks a lot about her actions and although she may have forgiven herself, she's afraid you haven't. (Especially if you were at one point a resident of her village.)

Trixie hypes her up a lot to go tell you how she feels, only for her to slowly crawl back with whines of chickening out... ["Just wanted to say I have a massive crush on you." "Oh... Who's the other person?" "I added her for moral support." "I'm here for you girl, do your thing." (/ref)]

Kite flying dates. So many times, she's appeared at your door with kites asking you go with her because the weather and wind are just perfect. (Most of them may or may not be failed confession attempts.)

Sunburst ☀️

Bro is so nervous and blushy. Poor guy can hardly function.

He's already clumsy and nervous as is, but when you're around it's dialed up to 11.

Parallel play to the max, he really enjoys sitting in the same room as you and reading while you do your own things. (He may glance over every now and then and may end up staring at you until you notice and make eye contact...)

Avoids you sometimes, but not maliciously! Just because you're so cool and he always ends up stuttering or blushing too much and embarrassing himself when he's around you... :(

Cracks open a book to get some reading done but two hours later finds himself on the same page daydreaming about you.

That's all I have for today!

Thank you everyone so much for your patience!! Since my last post, I have:

Graduated High School.

Become a certified nurse assistant.

Turned 18.

Gotten my first job.

Gone through a breakup.

Found someone new (7 months this week!)

anddd started college.

I'm so so soooo sorry for dying!!! ;A; My summer was very busy with all sorts of post grad trips and celebrations, and when I was back home I was looking for a job and starting college. My classes are pretty easy this semester, so here's hoping I'll be more active from now on! :D

[cg-sunnyd]

🍎good afternoon, everyone!💫

tomorrow's the start of a new week - here's to hoping we have a good one! how was your week this week? i hope at least one good thing happened, even if it was something small :).

let's talk about snacks! sometimes, especially if we don't have a caregiver or a caregiver is online/far away, it can make snacks and meals a bit hard, huh? that's okay! let's talk about some things we can do to get snacks ready for when we're feeling small :).

make snacks into a game! if you have a snack drawer, put them into an online spinner! spin the wheel and see what snack you get - it's a surprise! if you have dice, you can also write down some snacks you have and number them, then roll the dice!

make yourself a "lunch chart", with ideas for a daily lunch! don't forget a drink and a fruit or a veggie if you can! that way, if choosing is too hard, you have that to fall back on.

most importantly, don't forget to be kind to yourself. it's okay to feel frustrated or upset, especially when you're hungry but nothing looks good to eat.

a helpful tip is to have a fun water bottle with a straw at your desk, table, wherever you sit. having a straw makes it a lot easier to absentmindedly drink! we keep one at the bed, at the desk, and a third for moving around. just don't forget to wash them!

what are some snacks that you enjoy? as always, feel free to answer in the tags, the replies, or asks! i love hearing from you all 🥰.

[gunsatthaphan]

🏆 Top 10 of 2023 💫

a few anons have requested this and I was also kind of indirectly tagged by @blneobin, @elizabethsebestianhedgehog and @khaotungsfirst for slightly different posts but I decided to just combine them all into one 😄 hope that's fine with everyone ✌🏻

My watchlist wasn't very extensive this year due to time reasons but here are my personal highlights:

Don't think I have to explain much about this one lol (she says as she proceeds to write a whole paragraph) After the masterpiece that was The Warp Effect and the disaster that was Never Let Me Go, I was nervous about what Jojo was gonna cook up with this one lmao but luckily my fears were unjustified. The watching experience was absolutely insane and it turned me into a different person in the time between August and October lmao. It wasn't perfect, I got annoyed at times but overall it's undoubtedly my number 1 this year. SandRay my loves, my babes, my roman empire lmao. I loved their story so much, they were the main characters for me lol but it was such a good ensemble in general and each cast member was the perfect fit for their respective characters, including Mond as Boeing who was the cherry on top of all the madness and also my boy Mix as the first Only Friends Stay guest, leaving room for imagination lmao. It was raw, real and unapologetically chaotic aka my favorite kind of plot. pure perfection. Jojo outdid himself once again. 10/10.

No words just vibes. It went by SUPER fast and I'm still mad that they chose to air an 8 episode show twice a week like whose idea was that?? To air a treasure like this in the course of 4 weeks is more homophobic than Jim's family lmao. But anyway. Doesn't change the fact that it was an incredible production, so visually stunning, so carefully written and so well executed down to the tiniest detail. It deserves every single award it won because what a masterpiece. It made me extremely emotional but in the best way. I'm still in awe. amazing. life changing.

I kinda hate to admit this bc it was SO full of crack lmao but it was SO much fun?? I had low expectations but I had the best time from start to finish. It made me laugh so hard I frequently dislocated my lungs lmao, the overall watching experience was just incredible. Story-wise it was sprinkled with the typical Domundi nonsense, the surreal cartoonish vibes were dominating and it was overall another show where I couldn't tell you what the plot was afterwards lmao - but everyone who lived through the Cutie Pie experience wouldn't expect anything less from these people lol. I loved it.

We're only halfway through but I'm so obsessed with it that I'm including it lmao. It's SO adorable and pure, offgun are back with the puppy honey vibes in all of their fully evolved glory lol, the writing is excellent imo and it's the perfect balance between silly, cheesy and honest emotions, good communication and the notorious offgun magic lol. Whenever I say I want a good romcom, this is what I mean. I was so annoyed when it was announced as I was convinced it was gonna be a downgrade from Not Me but it's really not. It's just another show where OG can showcase their dynamic in a completely different setting. I love it.

I'm still having mixed feelings about this one due to obvious reasons but looking at it from the outside I have to include it because objectively speaking this was an excellent production. The narrative was intelligent and worked so well, my boy Gawin was shining so much as Pisaeng, I still can't believe he wasn't the first choice because he's literally the perfect fit for this. I loved the symbolism, the blossoming romance and just Pear. that's it. just. Her. she was incredible. G&K had good chemistry, I was struggling with K.'s presence but the show was just so good that it overshadowed the rest. Loved it.

This show got a lot of hate which I sort of understand as it was low budget, cheesy and with heavy lakorn vibes but on god it really hit the spot for me lmao. JaFirst are my runner-up babes lol, I love their dynamic so much and seeing them make their comeback in this with completely reversed roles had me squealing lol Punn was the most adorable cookie, others cringed, I blushed lmao I loved the setup so much and him and Achi were everything. period.

Another show that's still airing but I'm really liking it so I'm including it as well lol. It's surprisingly well written and Pavel is doing fantastic in his comeback, I had lowkey written him off after the disaster that was Coffee Melody but he's back stronger than ever. Love that for him. The rest of the cast is very solid too, a lot of familiar faces who all stepped up their acting game since I last saw them with a special shoutout to Thanapon who is doing amazing. The story is super interesting and goes so far beyond just the racing stuff which was my apprehension when starting it. And even the omegaverse stuff is not as bad as I thought (so far.. don't wanna jinx it lmao). It's overall doing very well. Love it.

This one also got a lot of backlash lol but I loved it!! JoongDunk are my second FirstKhao lmao they're very dear to me, their on-screen dynamic is good actor carries weak actor and I'm aware of that lmao but to me they just work so well. Idk what it is. Even though Dunk's acting leaves room for improvement, they have a ton of chemistry and they're mastering the secret crush plot. This was fun and light, not too serious and I found it very enjoyable. the only thing that irritated me was the butchering of AouBoom like what in the world was that. Tee probably added them because he had to and disregarded them in the process but their story was abysmal. But putting that aside, it was a very nice show.

This was very brief for Mame standards lol and I was considering dropping it after episode 2 but then it surprisingly picked up, I started to really get into the story and SunnyPak worked very well for me. I was surprised that they just disappeared afterwards as I was expecting MMY to milk them like the rest of their couples but oh well. Mame made her GL debut in this which I appreciated but I wish they had casted someone else as Marine because sorry sweetie but she was terrible lmao rip. Yiwa was a very sweet and likable character and she deserved a better partner. That plus the special episode being stupid as hell, It's getting raking #9 lol.

This whole season was... a very wild rollercoaster ride lmao. I would say it was a 50/50 for me, half of the episodes were fun and the other half were horrendous lol. My personal highlight were The Eclipse episodes, they were pure fluff and adorableness, paired with some minor dumb fights but overall this was exactly what I was craving after the ordeal AkkAye went through in The Eclipse lmao but also I could easily sit through 10 episodes of Akk and Aye just being cute and cuddly and doing absolutely nothing else because duh. They're my comfort couple 🥺 I also quite enjoyed the ATOTSxBBS crossover and also surprisingly the ABAAB and NLMG episodes were a lot of fun!

thank you 2023 for - once again - giving us good gay food lmao. here's to an even better 2024 🧡

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 30th July ✨

Another great week of audio drama has kept my brain busy while my data collection is less busy. Happy Audio Drama Sunday, please allow me to share my favourites!

SPOILERS!!

🌲 @hellofromthehallowoods (127) Oh NO Mrs Wicker get your children away from that Church!!!! I love to hear the J-sibs starting to push back against her, long may it continue! I'm also still obsessed with the Raven-Writing Desk dynamic and it's only going to get juicier when Mr Writing Desk actually wants to follow Penny’s demands… And Danielle!! I love that she still gets to be an active help in the mission to the North in a way that doesn’t feel like deus ex machina because it’s just her. 

🎞 Tiny Terrors (022) this episode had me yelling ‘what’s the catch?!?!?’ internally and I’ve just seen that the wait is over to listen to the other side of the tape!! Angela, what are you??

🌍 @lastechoespod (7) As some of you may know. . . I am a huge fan of Drs in Space. This episode had me gripped, those poor people 😭 What a cruel scare tactic from the Collected for that to be played to the people trying to decide whether to join. I’m so tense to hear what the final archival selection is going to be! 

🧛‍♂️ @re-dracula Things are TENSE aboard the Demeter. Even in <60s of audio, the creeping dread is so palpable. And Mina, sweet Mina! So thrilled to have her back! Listening rather than reading has makes it so much easier to parse the long, chunky sections describing Whitby!! I have high hopes that I'm going to stick with it to the very end this time.

 💫 Wolf 359 (24-32) Oh fuck. I am so glad I have all the episodes to listen to at once. I could NOT have dealt with the wait between seasons. Ep 30, Mayday, is possibly one of the coolest things I’ve ever heard. I love that feeling of rooting for a character so hard that you forget that they don’t really exist and that you know they make it because there are another 30 eps of the show left. And the new characters - Kepler, Jacobi, Maxwell - wow, I LOVE to hate them. They’re fantastic in the worst way. 

🎩 @ethicstownpod (5) Things got a little creepy on the emergency broadcast this week. Memory is created as it is recalled?? What?? My mind is boggled. I’m very excited to hear how this, and what seems to be a growing discomfort between January and Artemis, plays out in the next episodes! 

🥾@doyoucopypod (3) Now. Hear me out. I know that being stuck up in a radio tower all day has got to be boring but I do think there might be a better time to flirt with your colleague than when 3 people are missing in a place called the ‘Dead Zone’ where strange ecological events are occurring . . . Just me?? Have I got the braincell here??? I’m so excited for these shenanigans to get even spookier. 

🏴‍☠️ Yeah. I listened to @levianpod again. What are you going to do? Support their crowdfunder? Good. Do it.

🎧 Such an interesting episode of The First Episode Of with @wirelandranch! The wireland vibes have always been immaculate and it’s so interesting to learn about where it came from and why it’s an amalgamation rather than a straight-up audio drama. 

🐬 Described as a weird mystery, @patterspod is exactly that. It’s batshit in the best possible way. Perhaps I hang out with strange people, but the main character is so normal in his weirdness, I feel like most people know a guy like Ryan even though Ryan is a liar ghostwriter trying to hunt down his thieving EX-boss with ?paranormal connections. It’s great stuff. 

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend! My goal is to have season two of the show written by the start of August . . . So I should stop writing this and get to writing that . . . Right? Okay.

[missmaywemeetagain]

A Million Little Heartaches: Pandora's Box 💔💫❤️‍🔥

A/N: Hi, my darlin's! I was feeling a little hesitant about posting my first non-EP fic, but I got over myself lol. This one is a bit of an experiment as it's not told in chronological order, and we'll see if I continue it based on inspiration and interest. Please let me know your thoughts! As always, they are so appreciated and what helps keep me motivated a lot of the time, especially as I'm trying new things. I really hope you enjoy it and can't wait to hear what you think. 💗

ALSO, I'm not sure if tumblr has changed its algorithm or what, but I know I'm not seeing people's posts in my feed like I used to. Turn on notifications for me to not miss anything and if you like this, it would be super helpful if you reblog this post! Thank you babies! 💗

Key Tropes: Angst, right person(s)-wrong time, star-crossed lovers, slow burn kinda? friends to enemies to friends to lovers?(LOL), forbidden love, second chance love

💥 Head's up! My first Scarf Universe exclusive (Red Scarf) is set to come out THIS WEEK for my Patreons! It's utterly filthy and indulgent, so if you are interested, you can join my Patreon community HERE to get access! 💥

A Million Little Heartaches

Part 1: Pandora’s Box

March 2026

I’ve curled my legs up under me in an oversized armchair, staring aimlessly at the fire. My empty wine glass is precariously balanced in my hand as I am hypnotized by the flames. Liam’s angry outburst shocked everyone, and his words still ring like poison in my ears:

You abandoned me.

I run through all the things I could’ve said in response instead of just standing there speechless as he ripped me into pieces in front of everybody.

Namely, you made your choice, Liam. And it wasn’t me.

It was never me.

Good ole Lily, forever the consolation prize, I muse, shaking my head.

There’s a hollow feeling in my heart that hasn’t been there for a long, long time.

“Mind if I join you?” Jake’s rumbling voice startles me out of my staring contest with the fire.

Oh god, now? Seriously? is what I’m thinking, but I manage a cordial nod instead, setting my empty glass on the side table next to me.

He sits in the chair facing mine. A glance over reminds me he’s a man now, not a boy, the firelight hitting the weathered but not unattractive lines on what used to be a baby face. The peach fuzz which had tickled my cheek so long ago is now a short, dark beard on a sharper, less rounded jaw. His once sandy hair has darkened some and is peppered with grey. He has aged well.

I can’t imagine how he must be looking at me after all these years, at the changes he must see. I know I’m not the girl I was. I look back at the fire.

“Are you okay?” he asks after a moment of silence.

I roll my eyes over to him and huff a bitter laugh. “Does it matter?”

I shouldn’t have said it like that—Liam’s freak out wasn’t Jake’s fault—but everything feels so fucking raw that I don’t have the wherewithal for a filter.

“It always has,” he says quietly.

The words hang there between us, heavy. There’s a poignancy and deeper meaning to them that slaps me out of my pity party.

“Excuse me?” I breathe out, blinking. My heart starts racing, like a hummingbird trapped in my ribcage.

He doesn’t get to say my feelings have always mattered. Not him. Not the guy who dragged me to hell and back because he was too much of a coward to let me down easy. Not the one who I spent nearly six years trying desperately to know and wishing for him to know me, too. Who I tried, only somewhat successfully, to forge a friendship with after it seemed all between us was well and truly done.

Jake shifts uncomfortably in his seat, looking at the fire before he finds what he needs there to bring himself to look back at me.

He only knows a fraction of what he put me through, or at least I think he does. He was ever the master at shutting me out, so it’s always been hard to know what he’s thinking or feeling without having to pry it out of him with a crowbar.

His voice echoes in my head, a long-forgotten memory: I guess I’m just the kind of person who hides my feelings.

An understatement.

This makes it a surprise when he looks straight at me with those warm brown eyes that used to melt me into the floor and says, “Your feelings have always mattered.”

Maybe it’s the wine, or the blowup with Liam, but my filter disappears completely. There’s a latent, hot anger that boils to the surface.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You, of all people, think my feelings have always mattered?” I throw back at him, scoffing.

He looks as though I’ve slapped him, and if I wasn’t so upset, I might try to backtrack. But I spent six years of my adolescence trying to shield him from my feelings, and as an adult, I don’t have time for that shit anymore.

“I suppose I deserve that,” he recovers, looking back at the fire.

I’m surprised, to say the least. It’s not as though we hadn’t talked about it back in the day, at least somewhat, but I never let him know just how deeply he hurt me. I never told him about the panic attacks, the intense depressions, or the manic feelings I’d get from just a morsel of attention from him. No, I’d buried all that for the sake of our “friendship” or whatever it was.

Part of me knows it’s stupid to try and rehash things that we put to rest so long ago. I shouldn’t hold it against him—we were just teenagers—but it wasn’t until my twenties that I finally grasped just how much Jake fucked me up. He made me think that if you love someone enough, they can treat you however they want and it doesn’t matter, and if it’s “meant to be” then someone can string you along indefinitely without consequence. I’d been so convinced we were these star-crossed lovers that had such a deep thread of connection that we’d someday figure it out. But someday never came.

Liam had. Liam pulled me from the ashes of my heartbreak and showed me real love. Or so I’d hoped. I’d hoped so much that I’d ignored and excused all the similarities between the way he and Jake treated me. But he had loved me and risked it all for me at one time. I mattered to him, to a fault.

But with Jake, I’m never sure I mattered. I always felt on thin ice, or at least that’s how I remember it. But memory warps over time. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’ve been wrong about all of it.

God, he still has me running circles around myself.

“Yeah, you do deserve it, a little,” is what I finally settle on, but it comes out gentler than I want it to.

He gives me a familiar sardonic half-smile.

Ah, there he is, the little shit. It was a look that twenty years ago would set my heart a-flutter on a good day and made me want to throttle him on a bad one. Some things never change.

Another thing that hasn’t changed is my need to shove him past his comfort zone with all my thoughts and feelings.

“Sometimes, I’m still not sure I mattered to you at all.” The words catch in my throat, giving away more than I want to.

His eyes snap back to mine. “How can you say that?” he asks with a surprising level of hurt in his voice.

I’m taken aback. “Jake, I don’t think you entirely understand the way you…” I stop myself and shake my head.

“The way I what? Say it,” he challenges, uncharacteristically.

I take a deep breath. “The way you broke my heart completely. How I spent months—no, years—trying to figure out what I had done that was so bad that you didn’t have or couldn’t really admit you had feelings for me, or why I was so repulsive you couldn’t bear to be with me. You had me so tied in knots I could hardly breathe.”

“Lily, you were never—” he starts, shaking his head, but I don’t listen, plowing right through whatever he thinks he needs to say.

“And then Liam came into the picture and helped me heal, and still I was so desperate for your approval, for us to be friends. But you always, always kept me at arm’s length. I could never figure any of it out. I still wonder if it was all one-sided and I was just a crazy little girl who manufactured this epic love story in her head,” I ramble out, shaking my head.

I’m saying too much, I know I am, but what the fuck does it matter now, after all this time? I have no need to impress him anymore.

   He shutters down, and it’s so entirely familiar that I have to laugh. “That. Right there,” I point, “is the same thing you did to me 27 years ago. You could never let me in, could you? As much as I hoped you would, as close as I swear I got sometimes, this brick wall is what made me question everything about us. It always has.”

His eyes widen as he’s called out so viciously, his hands tensing then releasing the arms on the chair. I let him sit in it for a moment before I drop the last bombshell, the one I’m sure will ruin the precarious balance between us:

“You were my first love, Jake, and I was so in love with you it hurt. God, I was so convinced we were connected in some timeless, deep, soulmates kind of way. And sometimes you did things that seemed to confirm that, but then you’d turn around and…well, I tried so hard to understand why you didn’t feel it, too. But I was young and stupid and obsessed, I guess,” I laugh, looking into the fire. “I finally just had to accept I was never gonna figure you out or understand why you didn’t love me back.”

He’s quiet for a long moment and I’m almost afraid he’s going to get up and walk away.

“Sorry, I guess old habits die hard. Here I am, still blasting you with all my feelings, 25-plus-years later,” I chuckle. “No wonder you never wanted to be with m—”

“You’ve got it all wrong,” he interrupts.

My head snaps back to him. “What?”

“I never meant to hurt you like that. I never meant to drive you to…Liam,” he says, with a frustrated bitterness in his tone that surprises me.

“Okay…?” I’m not sure where this is going, but my heart kicks up again.

“I told you back then I liked you,” he says blatantly, as if it were ever that simple between us.

I can’t help but laugh. “Did you, really? You told me in different ways how you were ‘gonna ask me out, but…’. And there was always a ‘but.’ And it was never in the present tense. I heard from other people that you liked me, sure, but you never really told me. Not in a way that felt like I wasn’t forcing something out of you that you were ashamed of or just telling me to save face. And it was always me who came to you. Always. You had a thousand chances and never followed through. We never even kissed, Jake! You kissed everyone but me. What was I supposed to think?”

“I-I-I…damn it, Lily,” he growls. “I couldn’t.”

 “Excuse me? You very much ‘could,’ you just didn’t want to. And that’s fine, you never owed it to me to reciprocate my feelings. Just don’t pretend—”

“Of course, I had feelings for you!” he yells.

I’m stunned into silence.

“I had feelings for you since we were 12! You were the first girl I ever really thought of in that way and I had no idea how to deal with it. And the moment you showed any interest in me I panicked and pushed you away. And I regretted it after and thought I’d ruined everything, but you came back, and I-I-I did it again. And again. Because my feelings for you scared the shit out of me.”

My heart is jackhammering now. I can barely breathe. “Why?”

“You were special. I couldn’t—I couldn’t ruin that…or you.”

“That doesn’t make any sense! You didn’t want to ‘ruin me’ so you broke my heart, over and over?”

“I didn’t deserve you. You were way too good for me and way out of my league.”

Flabbergasted, I blink at him. The pure insanity of this conversation has me whirling.

“But you kept flirting with me anyway, leading me on? You’d hug me, hold my hand…Lord, you even snuggled me and popped a fucking boner against me at that party freshman year…” I babble.

A blush floods his cheeks. “I was only 15, I-I-I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“You knew enough to fuck Talia.”

He looks like I’ve struck him again, but I can see in his eyes he knows I’m right. Talia would forever be a sore spot between us.

“I was young. And dumb.”

“No shit. And it doesn’t track. You did the same with Tina, Heather, and pretty much any other girl who showed the slightest bit of interest in you. Everyone except me.”

“I know. I was wrong. I was in a…bad place.”

“I practically handed myself to you on a platter and you humiliated me. How do you think it felt that I was the only one you never…you just kept me dangling on a string,” I say, shaking with anger.

“I know,” he whispers, “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t…”

“Sure,” I shake my head and look away. I don’t know why I care so much. I shouldn’t. This is all ancient history, and maybe it is Liam’s doing for sucking me back into the past tonight, but for some reason it all feels like it happened yesterday.

“I knew it was wrong, that I was treating you badly, a-a-and that’s why I found God. I wanted to be better…for you.”

Something cracks inside of me at the gesture. It doesn’t make any sense—why would he do that for me? My breath starts to falter a bit.

I remember he had changed dramatically mid-sophomore year, turning into a nicer, happier, and kinder version of himself. He’d stopped going after every girl in sight and wasn’t blatantly ignoring me anymore. We’d become friends again. I’d thought he was swept up in wanting to hang with the cooler, older Christian kids in the group, bowing to a weird form of peer pressure, just as I had done.

Of course, my “conversion” had not stuck after everything that happened later, but that’s beside the point.

Slowly, pieces start falling into place. Things I’d never considered.  

“You didn’t. You did it for…me?” I say breathlessly. “That’s a pretty drastic thing for a 16-year-old to do…”

He nods.

A shiver runs down my spine.

“Why…why would you do something like that for me?” I hold my breath and quell the trembling of my hands by clasping them together.

In the heavy pause, it feels like all the air gets sucked out of the room, and everything else around us warps and stops.

“Because I was completely in love with you.”

My heart stops. “What?” I whisper.

This can’t be real.

But his eyes are as open and pleading as I’ve ever seen them, begging me to finally understand what he couldn’t impart all those years ago.

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” I manage to choke out.

A pained look crosses his face. “I was too late.”

It’s like I’m 16 again, the way my heart is ready to explode while simultaneously being yanked from my chest. The air whooshes out of my lungs and I can’t bring myself to speak. All I can do is look over at him with questioning eyes.

“Me being such an asshole pushed you straight into his arms and by the time I came to my senses, it was too late. You’d fallen for him, even though he was with someone else,” he says bitterly.

He is not wrong. The whole reason Liam and I became friends in the first place was he listened to my heartbreak over Jake.

“So, I tried to be your friend instead. That was what you wanted, right? I thought maybe I could get closer to you and change your mind, talk some sense into you.”

I find my voice. “What are you even talking about? Liam and I were very much not together that spring and summer because of Melissa. You had the perfect chance, but you started dating Tiffany right when school got out.”

His jaw sets, clenches. “Oh, come on. It was beyond obvious you weren’t over him. So, yeah, when Tiffany showed interest, I gave it a chance. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You probably don’t remember how I messaged you all the time. How our conversations got longer a-a-and deeper. How I begged you to call me.”

Vague memories flash back to me. “I did call you. And I definitely would’ve remembered you telling me this!” I shake my head.

He has no idea how this revelation would have changed everything. God, I can’t breathe.

            “I tried to feel you out that fall, but you were pretty focused on Liam.”

            Mind racing, I try to remember how it all went down. My attraction to Liam had been all-consuming, made worse by the way we desperately tried to keep our hands off each other when Melissa left for college. We weren’t officially together, but it was obvious to anyone with eyes that we were mad about each other. Between that, the play, and keeping my grades up, things were intense that fall, to say the least. But there had been some weird moments with Jake that I’d tried to brush off as friendly at the time, but maybe they weren’t.

            “Friendsgiving.” It pops into my head suddenly, and I look at him with wide eyes. “I couldn’t figure it out—you went out of your way to take me home that night, then you were so teasing and flirty. We sat in my driveway for like half an hour. You couldn’t keep your hands off me—tickling me and putting your arm around me. I thought it was strange…but you were with Tiffany. I convinced myself I was imagining it.”

            It starts to dawn on me that perhaps my instincts had been right this whole damn time.

            I ramble as I recall more, “You were so obsessed about Mick having to kiss me for the play. We talked about how weird it would be if you had to understudy and it was us who had to kiss instead.”

            Jake looks at me sheepishly. “I wanted to kiss you so badly.”

            “God, why didn’t you?!”

            “You were in love with Liam!”

            “You are still such an idiot. Did you not hear anything I’ve said to you? If you’d kissed me, it wouldn’t have mattered. You were always there in the back of my mind. It was always you.” My hands are trembling at the admission, at how easily I would’ve folded if he had come for me.

            His eyes narrow, almost incredulously, as if he can’t believe it.

            “That’s all I ever wanted, Jake—for you to care enough to show me, or tell me, or anything at all! To fight for me…for us. But you never had the balls to do it, and that’s why we never happened. Not because of Liam. Not because I didn’t feel the same way. Because of you,” I say, voice shaking as hard as my hands.

            I’m coming apart at the seams, unravelling for the second time tonight because of men who never truly understood me or put me first. Refusing to cry in front of Jake and let him know just how much he’d changed with his inaction, I stand too quickly, wobbling on my feet.

            Jake jumps up to steady me, one hand at my forearm and the other at my waist, touching me for the first time in over 20 years. My stupid body responds with a jolt of electricity now just as it did then, like a phantom limb come to life. Logic tells me to pull away.

I don’t.

            He steps closer. “I’m sorry,” he whispers into my hair, “I feel like all I’ve ever done is hurt you, and I hate myself for it.”

            Oh, god. His proximity is dizzying, a reminder of moments long gone. A whiff of cologne. The way his thumb gently rubs the dip of my waist through my dress. The not-so-subtle way he lures me in closer.

            I don’t understand. How is it after the decades of life that have occurred, after having my heart swell and break and swell again with different types of love, that this man still can send me reeling?

            And he’s right—all he’s ever done is hurt me and tie me in knots. Being near him is like being edged in the most painful of ways because there is never any payoff. He had seen to that.

            There is something inherently cruel in the fate of it all. How the moment I had moved on all those years ago, the moment I released my hope of being with him and found another, that was when he figured his shit out. The worst part used to be feeling like he’d never felt the same about me, but knowing now that he loved me somehow makes everything ache even worse than it did before.

            Tears sting the corners of my eyes, even though I promised myself long ago I’d never shed another tear over Jake. I hate he will forever be the one that got away. The one who I’d never felt closure with, like a scab that crusts over but won’t heal underneath. As stupid as it sounds, there has been a part of me since the moment he so sweetly helped me solve a math problem in the 7th grade that has unwillingly left a piece of my heart in his hands ever since, no matter how many others there have been to take his place in between.

            And I hate him for that. I hate him even more now that I know I was always right about us from the start, about the thread of connection that bound us to each other almost 30 years ago.

“Does it even bother you? The ‘what could have been?’ Did it cross your mind that maybe everything would be different if you’d just said something? Or did you just forget about me, about all of it?” I whisper angrily.

God knows, I haven’t.

Furious and frazzled, I press my hands into his chest to push away. It’s a terrible move because his large hand covers mine, pinning it to him. He’s warm through his dress shirt and his heart beats wildly under my palm. My eyes fly up to meet his.

“I think about it all the time. More than I should. But God works in mysterious ways,” he says, as if that explains it all.

I roll my eyes. Another wonderful excuse. “I guess he does,” I add sarcastically.  Extricating myself from him, I immediately feel clearer, but part of me wants nothing more to feel his touch on me again. I shake the feeling off.

I had abandoned religion and the guilt and bigotry that came along with it the moment I got to college, when I realized just how much it had fucked my young brain up. Not shockingly, the religious friends who’d taken such offense when I’d gotten together with Liam were the same ones who quickly fell out of my life once they realized I wasn’t going to tow the line. Jake had only dug his heels in deeper into his religion after that, with Tiffany and his cookie-cutter perfect family and church going ways, and now it crosses my mind that it’s all because of me.

Don’t be stupid.

He’s waiting on me to say something. It takes me a moment to absorb the fact that he admitted thinking about me more than he should. This good and pious Christian man was thinking about me when he should have been thinking about his wife.

But I am in no place to judge. Not about this.

I want to know what salacious thoughts have run through his mind about me, but I can’t bring myself to ask. Part of me wants to utterly ruin him in all the ways I couldn’t when we were teenagers. A heat gathers low in my belly at the thought, at his nearness.

Romantic and physical chemistry is no joke, I realize. It’s like my pheromones were preprogrammed by the universe to be attracted to his, and by the cautiously heated look he’s giving me now, I’m wondering if it’s always been the same for him.

One of my biggest regrets about us, since the beginning, was the question that if we had even just kissed once and got it over with, would it have broken the tension between us like a summer rainstorm breaks the heat? Would we have gotten it out of our system and figured out if whatever chemistry we had was real or just something we’d worked up in our imaginations?

But it’s too late for that. The past can’t be changed. Now the ‘what if’s’ that plagued me for all these years hurt worse than before, knowing that with one stupid admission or one kiss all those years ago, we could have had it all. Maybe we would have been the high school sweethearts who got married and annoy our 2.5 kids with stories about what an idiot their dad was until he’d finally told me how he felt.

There would’ve been no me-and-Liam, or him leaving me because the world had gone to shit. I wouldn’t have met my husband. All of it, an entire life I’ll never know, flashes before my eyes and nearly brings me to my knees.

And while I don’t subscribe to his God, I do think the universe puts things in our path. But what was the point of all this, then—of us never being the “us” we both know we wanted it to be? I just don’t see why this thing can’t seem to die and fade into the ether. He’s like a bad penny I can’t shake.

At least with Liam, there was closure. We had loved and dated and all of the milestones that go with that. Knowing Jake loved me doesn’t make me truly feel any better, other than the fact I know I wasn’t a delusional, lovesick teenager.

But he loved a version of me that’s grown up into someone different, just as I begrudgingly loved a version of him that I’d made up in my head to be better than he was.

I’ve been quiet too long. “Why?” It pops out of my mouth unwillingly. “Why do you still think of me?”

“Do you still think of me?” I expect him to shirk away from the question, but he flips it on me so fast I have whiplash.

I close my mouth, my eyes darting away, answering his question.

He nods. “Then you know.”

Does that mean he replays fuzzy memories of interlocking his fingers with mine or pulling me too close in a dance? He sees the stolen, meaningful glances in his mind’s eye? He thinks about the multitude of chances he had to press his lips to mine but didn’t and what may have happened if it had gone farther than that? He thinks of how if he and I became a “we” it would’ve completely altered the course of our lives?

I have trouble thinking he ponders any of that.

But if he loved me like he says he did…

The hollow ache in my heart is back with a vengeance, erasing all hope I had at getting out of here relatively unscathed.

“Maybe we were just destined to hurt each other. Maybe we’ve always been bad for each other,” I say indignantly instead of voicing all the other thoughts buzzing in my head. But it feels true, nonetheless.

I watch him shake his head rather vehemently. He opens his mouth to speak, but I beat him to the punch.

“But too bad we never had the chance to find out for sure,” I add with venom. After this, I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling like he stole that chance from me.

We were babies. Give the guy a break, a tiny voice in the back of my head chimes in.

            Unfortunately, I’m a little too emotionally wrecked to let a silly thing like logic get me back on track and remind me I’m a goddamned adult.

            Star-crossed lovers aren’t real. “Meant to be” isn’t real. Threads of fate tying us together in inexplicable ways aren’t real. What’s real is hormones and youth and cowardice and terrible timing. What’s real are jobs and spouses and children.

            Then why can’t I shake the feeling that this isn’t even close to being the end for us? It makes no sense.

            It never has.

            I grab my purse. Furious and regretful, I can’t be around him anymore, which is made evident by the fact that I want to stay so badly, even if it means my heart is bleeding out in front of him. But I have more self-respect now than I had when I was 16, and I certainly am not going to cry in front of him.

            “Goodbye Jake. I hope your life is everything you want it to be. Give Tiffany my best.” It’s a dig, to be sure. We both know Tiffany wants nothing to do with me, and now I finally know why. I turn and walk away, quickly, escaping my past down the darkened hallway towards the bathrooms.

            “Lily, wait,” he commands from behind me, catching up and grabbing my hand. Shocked at his tone of voice and forwardness, I have no choice to spin back to him. His eyes are blazing.

            “What? What is there left to say?” I say, my voice cracking with emotion. “That one of my biggest regrets is that we never made this work, this—this silly pseudo-romance from our teens? That I hate how much this matters to me, even now, even though I haven’t seen you in years?”

            He advances, his eyes never leaving mine, and a small huff escapes my lips as my back hits the wall. It’s hard not to notice he’s broader and taller than he used to be as his body comes so close to pressing against mine. Every one of my nerves sparks to attention at his sudden proximity, a buzzing static electricity.

His hand clasps my neck, the rough pad of his thumb trailing along my jaw. I have no choice but to keep looking up at him, into those darkened brown eyes.

“What are you doing?” I whisper.

Shock precedes a pool of fire low in my belly when he boldly brings his thumb to the center of my lips and slowly drags it down. My lips part and a small moan escapes them. I’m vaguely aware of my purse hitting the floor with a thunk.

“What I should’ve done a long time ago,” he says definitively. His warm breath tickles my cheek where his mouth hovers too close to mine.

As my body fully kicks into overdrive, I’m reminded of what I’ve always known: I’m incapable of resisting Jake Lawson. One last rational thought pushes through the fire that is rapidly consuming me.

“This is a bad idea,” I pant, my eyes scanning his face.

“A terrible one,” he agrees, and when he nods, his nose brushes against mine.

I expect a crash of lips and teeth, but instead his soft lips brush mine tantalizingly, dragging in a way that sends an explosion of heat through my chest. The warmth of our breath mingles, and I can’t stop the way my hands instinctively reach for the lapels of his jacket. His hand on my neck pulls me closer and when our lips finally press together in earnest, oh, god, it’s everything I’d ever hoped it would be.

Instead of breaking away, we are pulled into each other by some unknown force that makes my entire body tingle from head to toe. Jake deepens the kiss, and I turn as pliable as putty in his arms, wondering how it is possible that we went this damn long without doing this. His fingers tighten in my hair, eliciting a groan as his mouth opens and his tongue persuasively brushes against my lips. Granting permission, I open to him further and our tongues roll gingerly against each other.

Something ignites in me that hasn’t in a long, long time. It’s a blast of desire and truth so strong it threatens to undo me. It’s different than pure passion—there’s a yearning, a need, a rightness lacing every touch between us. And based on the way he clings to me now, I have no doubt he feels it, too, this sense of fate that we were always destined to end up here.

Every instinct I have wants to feed the fire that is swirling in my belly, but the last thread of rationality left in me reminds me that I shouldn’t let this go too far. It has gone too far already. I force myself to pull away, which is like prying two strong magnets off each other. I can’t move more than an inch, just enough to separate our lips. I’m too dizzy with the smell of him and what must be a lack of oxygen. Or maybe it’s because my entire world feels upended.

His forehead rests on mine, his thumb caressing the hollow of my throat. “Shit,” he sighs out with a shudder, his breath tickling my face as he struggles to control himself.

For once in my life, I have no doubt of what he’s feeling. The way he says that one word tells me he is every bit as blindsided, connected, and aroused as I am. But it’s more than just that. A tether of knowing has tightened between us. It’s so overwhelming I feel like I might cry.

As we stand pressed close together in this dark hallway, I don’t think either of us truly expected it to feel like this. Like everything that’s been wrong between us was because we resisted this bond, a power that feels beyond anything I could have imagined. In mere moments, we’ve confirmed what both of us have inherently known but tried to ignore for almost three decades.

That’s when I realize we’ve opened Pandora’s box. We can never go back.

“Jake…” I choke, trying to get the words out, but they won’t come.

“I know,” he responds solemnly, and I have no doubt he has come to the same conclusion as I have:

We are in deep trouble.

*

taglist

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[silversword7000]

Good morning everyone! ☀️Happy FriYAY!!🎉🎉 How is everyone doing today? Hopefully totally awesome! I’m really happy cause it’s sunny out and it’s been cloudy like this WHOLE WEEK!!! (I prefer the sun) I’m getting out a bit earlier and I’m not sure what to do with my time yet since my class starts at 1pm. I think I’ll head to the library and chill probably or maybe just hang around outside. Anyways I hope you guys have a fantabulous day today and remember that you ROCK!! And don’t ever be afraid to show that in your own special way! ✨💫✨ I love you sooooo much💖💖💖💖❣️❣️❣️❣️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰✨✨✨✨💫💫💫🎶🎶🎶☀️☀️💖💖💖💖💖🥰🥰✌️🥰💖✨😝😝

[ghoulsbian]

i've been having a very hard time staying asleep at night lately. i've rather consistently been only getting two to four hours of rest a night. i go to sleep around 1:30-2:30am most nights lately and usually end up waking up around like 4:00-6am.

this is really bizarre for me. i have a pretty wack sleep schedule (i can go to bed from anywhere between 1am and 7am, sometimes at the end of either side of the spectrum, back to back). so, usually i sleep in until 12pm to 2pm. i take a few medications with sedative effects at night and they're supposed to help me get to sleep within a decent time after taking them. they don't always work too well because i'm supposed to take them with food but i frequently don't do that cuz i'm not very hungry at that point. (though, they do make the symptoms they're meant to treat a lot more manageable! so that's something.)

i fell asleep on the phone with my crush last night, haha. she was just sorta talking and singing and it was relaxing to me. it's almost her birthday! me and my family made plans to take her out the day after. i'm very excited! though very nervous. it's been a little bit since we've seen each other in person. i really hope she'll like my gifts i got for her. i got her a lava lamp (she's been saying bc how she wants one for so long now!!), a plushie of a character from a game she really likes, and an old authentic mint condition nirvana concert ticket (her fav band!!).

i've been venting to her about my sleep issues lately, and she's very worried. i'm not as worried i guess, i'm mostly just annoyed. lack of sleep really messes with my brain. it is a very big trigger for my psychosis to start acting up. i haven't really been hallucinating but have been a bit delusional and paranoid. ultimately, i am coping on the account of my medication, but it's still sort of hard to deal with. dissociation has also been a struggle this last week or so.

i just hope i can get consistently good sleep soon!!! i don't really know what's going on to make it so difficult for me lately. perhaps it's how dry my room gets? my room is really small and there's also a radiator in here so it can get pretty hot and dry. to combat this, i typically leave my window open. i've started putting a window fan in there too to get more airflow. i also have a box fan going at the end of my bed lol.

i don't really know what to do to make myself sleep better :( i tried taking a nap after only sleeping three hours the other night and i couldn't manage to fall asleep for hours. it also made me super super shaky afterwards which was kind of concerning to me lol. i kind of wonder if it was because i ate some quite stale cereal (cocoa pebbles) previous to this. though i am not sure if such a thing would cause an affect like that.

anyways i'm gonna try and get back to sleep in a minute or two here. thanks for listening to my ramble! i just wanted a place to get out my thoughts and maybe some updates on my life. i have a desire to create content for this account but am really lacking in energy and motivation due to what i've explained here. hope everyone understands!

much love to all! ♥️💫

[hotarutranslations]

OdaOme.2024

Evening

OdaOme--, March 12th--!

Oda, congratulations--!

Today was our last rehearsal towards our spring tour, Everyone is doing their best🏅

Spring tour tickets are on general sale..

🩵🎫e+ 🩵🎫TicketPia

Before the start of rehearsal, Everyone was celebrating like Waaa--,

As the entrance of the celebration,

The staff,

They said, "We have information before the start of the rehearsal~" and the members gathered, but there were members who weren't there yet, there was a bit of time as everyone got together,

Immediately one way or another I guessed, Ah? Is this Oda's celebration?

It probably is,

Oda herself also,

Guessed, Is it me? But I tried not to let it out,

It was like you could see the atmosphere 🙊🙊lol

I'm dumb so I wont ask if that's true🙉🙉 lol (Leaving aside the at the time of writing part)

It was fun for me😎🎉

The main character sash and, the birthday sunglasses, were prepared and there but,

Saying, to concentrate! As expected, Oda, folded them away neatly and put them in her bags immediately

Today there was a good Oda today as well~🌏💫

I like this photo😂👏🏻

Like, I gave the goat all the treats, there is a sense of liveliness like, there isn't anymore~ lol

Oda and Mei are probably talking with the penguin🐧

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! ~Expressing Love Towards My Favorite Panda-san♡ ver.~ in Adventure World

Yamazaki Mei's Panda-san Daisuki!! Mei-chan's Holiday. Adventure World with Oda-san and Ishida-san

Seeing childish Oda in these videos, or Oda on stage, I wonder which the fans like 🤔💭lol

Oda, I hope that you have a wonderful year! Lets enjoy the year as well---!

📺Hello Pro Dance Gakuen Season 11

April 18th 11:30PM~ A Learning From TSUKUSHI-san Adventure🕺

In season 10 we challenged breakin', its reairing continuously! On the 15th, 17th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, #1~#6 all at once! Check out HP for info!

Sendai Broadcast "Ara Ara Kashiko" Every week (Sat) 10:25AM~ Ishida Ayumi Goes~!

I appear once a month as part of the AraKashi Family

The previous shows, and makings, are on OX VIDEO STORE!

Also on YouTube

Sendai Broadcast Ara Ara Kashiko

📺"HinaFest 2024" Before Special ~NamaTake Member Great Gathering 2 Hour SP~ (tenative)

CS TV Asa Channel March 24th (Sun) 12:00PM~

Thank you for following.. Instagram💙🩵

💿Releasing February 7th

Morning Musume '23 25th ANNIVERSARY CONCERT TOUR ~glad quarter-century~ at Nippon Budokan

Thank you for waiting for the Blu-ray&DVD! Its finally releasing--!

Its already nostalgic but, It has an amazing medley, really Please enjoy it many times

📚Releasing on February 7th "Hello! Project BEST SHOT!! Vol.26"

Ishida AyumixOda SakuraxNonaka Miki📸 Fukumura MizukixIshida AyumixOda Sakura📸

✍🏻Tokyo Sports note Series #145 Reflecting on the Presence of Sasaki Rikako

🪩Spring Tour Has Been Decided Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Spring MOTTO MORNING MUSUME

We'll be going around the country from March 16th!

🪩HinaFest March 30th and 31st at Makuhari Messe

🪩JAPAN JAM Morning Musume '24 will be performing on May 3rd!

⚾️《LIVE DAYS！～Exciting Big Exhibition Match～》 June 2nd(Sun), after the Hokkaido Ham Fighters vs. Yokohama DeNa Baystars match, Morning Musume '24 will be having a special mini live!

.👗👠 Aoyama Clothing x Morning Musume '24

📻Morning Musume '24 Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Airs Every Saturday, On Radio Nihon at 12:00AM~

Past Broadcast Episodes Are Available →Program Details

Thanks for your hard work today too!

see you ayumin <3

[inquisitorius-sin-bin]

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Ohh bless thank you for this ask

I put so much work into Blowing Cover and it is super unpopular compared to all my other works. I really liked the character too and kind of thought they might be fun to bring back for another one shot (I mean, given the ending, they have a ton of one-shot potential).

But. The kinks/tags involved are certainly a bit edgier so I can see it getting less hits. I'm already writing for a very niche group, then this hits an even smaller category within that group. Ohh well. I enjoyed making it, at least.

As for feedback! Uh, your kind, lol. I love that you put so much time into selecting the lines that really stand out to you. That blows me away. It's like the best kind of annotations ❤️ and it helps me tailor what I do, I'm still learning what gets folk's hearts fluttering!

That said, literally just a like on a Tumblr post or a message or a keyboard smash also has the capacity to melt my heart. I've received PMs that I gush over for days and reread 1000x over. Back in the old old days of my elder fics, I got fan art and I still have them saved on a special folder on my phone. I drink out of mugs someone created of my OC's Fay and Tsiri. Just knowing people read and enjoyed it is great.

(And I'm one of those weird folks who also welcome criticism too, actually. I want to be better. I want to write good good fics that get people coming to the table and screaming for more. I want to know what you like and hate. What I could improve about my style for clarity. What was so cringey it made your skin crawl. I aim to please.)

Compliment?

I am almost done writing a fic longer than Return of the King that's literally all I'm going to be talking about for weeks. I hope it's good, lol.

In regards to engagement, in my experience I've created numerous connections with people all across the world from different experiences and backgrounds just through fandom culture. That's healthy for cultivating a good, open-minded worldview. Those connections give me so much joy and energy and help inspire me to create! When I get home, I can't wait to work on my projects, and I really want to finish something so that I can giddily hide behind my computer screen and hope you all see and enjoy it.

But beyond that, human connection is very important to me. I like seeing your personal ramblings about how y'alls days are going, your jobs, your day-to-day stuff. The people behind the blogs. And I like that on the internet, there isn't a huge expectation of availability like there is in person. I myself have a great deal of social anxiety, but online, I can choose when I have enough energy to reach out or start a conversation or message back, or when that reserve just isn't in me.

If you're really anxious, know that I still see you and am happy even if you just follow and lurk, even if I just get a kudos or a like and then you disappear. I know what I share is quite salacious and not everyone wants to have that on their blog, believe me lol. Being seen is also gratifying. If you ever have the energy for a word of an ecouragement, that means the world to me! But if not, be not afraid. I do not hate you for liking my posts.

Aaaaand for WIP stuff-

Nice try, you can't fish out more deets about the end of Ride or Die/Fly or Fall than I have already shared lol. I CANNOT spoil anything at this point. But I will say this: I feel more strongly about the theme and the arc for Volume 2 than I did for Volume 1. I have a more concrete plan overall than I did the first go round. And the message is kind of something I'm already working towards at the very end of this work, so they should flow together quite cohesively.

[octobers-veryown]

Ave! How was your week? (and one day I think. I’m a day late for a ‘suggested weekly check in’, don’t tell the mods!)(or do)(crimes on the down low over here)

Anyway. I hope you had a lovely week 💛 and are enjoying the autumn!!

I was wondering if there is a particular Christmas/Seasonal tradition or theme you’d like me to incorporate? Random or favorite things like gingerbread or Winter Wonderland or going caroling or what have you!

✨🦌✨

Hey Santa! Check on me wherever you want, it's fine 😌.

My week has been good, I went to Poland for a little trip and I discovered a lot of new things! I'm enjoying autumn even if it's fucking raining and guess who has a flight to take today? Yes, me.

Speaking of Christmas traditions, I adore all the Christmas shenanigans but my favorite is when people start to decorate their Christmas Tree and,,,,, Christmas dinners I guess??? Where you're with people that you love and everyone is cozy and satisfied with the food etc 😂❤️.

I'm not into the Christmas mood already but probably we'll talk about it again!

I can't wait to hear from you again Santa, have a nice day ✨💫🥰

[cg-sunnyd]

🍎good day everyone!💫

happy monday!

💫hope you can do something to start your week off well! something tasty to eat or drink, or settling down with a favorite show, the little things certainly do us good!

🍎do you have a favorite part of the week?

we’re looking forward to friday this week- we’ll be going up to a bookstore!