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starlit-writer · 1 day ago

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in sickness and in health, ch. 4 - alpha!simon riley x omega!reader

here is chapter four!!!! this chapter is shorter than normal, but i needed to get this done for you guys <3 i definitely am excited to continue this, and i hope you are too!!! as always, if you want to be added to the tag list to make sure you stay up-to-date, let me know in the replies! eat well, lovelies <3

if you want to understand more about my omegaverse au, you can look at my masterpost here, and it'll help explain all of the intricacies that may or may not be explained well enough in these short-form fics!

word count: 3,070 chapter three masterlist ao3 link

Your head was pounding as you stalked through the hallways of the base, away from the gym. You didn’t know your destination, your heavy, angry footsteps becoming a monotonous beat that kept you from falling over the edge. You were filled with so many confusing and conflicting emotions, which made it hard to think, let alone even begin to comprehend the miserable cocktail thrumming through your veins. Your omega side was so enamored with Simon’s behavior, whining to stay close and let him apologize, but your more logical side wouldn’t let you. What had he done to deserve your forgiveness?

The short answer? Nothing. Sure, he stayed by you when you were sick, but he was the reason for it to begin with. Past then, it’s been nothing but fights and weirdness, and you hadn’t seen any glimpse of change or improvement. You felt lost and confused - the two sides of your being constantly at war with one another.

You were so lost in your own internal conflict, you didn’t even notice the other person in the hallway until it was too late, and your face met the hard planes of their chest. The scent of wind-carried sea salt, fresh candied apples, and the dust of a demolition site invaded your senses, and your head whipped up in surprise to find Soap looking down at you. His signature smirk was playing on his lips, but his bright blue eyes shone with concern as his hands settled onto your hips to keep you in place before quickly slipping off.

“Woah there, bonnie. Where ye headed with all that steam blowin’ out yer ears?”

You stared up at him, your mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water - an apt representation of how you felt at the moment. You tried to come up with something, anything to tell him, but no words would fall past your lips. The vitriol you felt towards Simon died in the back of your throat, your omega caught between wanting to defend your alpha and the reality of your situation. So you settled for placation.

“I’m fine, Soap. Not a big deal.”

It was a lie passed through gritted teeth, and Soap could tell, especially as you looked away to avoid his eyes. His gaze softened, and he brought a gentle finger to your cheek to force you to look at him.

“It’s Ghost, yeah?”

You blew out a frustrated puff of air, unwelcomed tears welling in your lash line. You were angry - angry with Simon, with yourself, with your designation, with society as a whole, anything you could possibly blame to even attempt to make sense of all of your emotions. But even anger couldn’t completely mask the bone-deep grief that had settled over you like a lead-lined blanket. All you wanted was to feel normal again. Unfortunately for you, it seemed likely for that to never be the case again. You were bonded to an alpha who, up until a week and a half ago, refused to even acknowledge you outside of mission-related conversations, and now he had become some sort of overprotective, overbearing asshole.

“I just… I don’t know what to do. I want to hate him. Gods, I want to hate him. But…”

“He’s your alpha.”

“Exactly.” You ran a hand down your face, trying to force the traitorous tears away. Soap sighed in resigned understanding, his hand settling on your shoulder. You couldn’t help but notice how his touch was angled strangely, his wrist turned out in an odd angle that just so happened to press the scent gland on his wrist right into your own scent gland right in the juncture between your neck and shoulder. You weren’t wearing your scent blockers, a medically necessary intervention to try and keep the bond sickness away. Why he wasn’t wearing his, you didn’t know, but it felt rude to point out or ask about. You tried to ignore it, to convince yourself that it was just coincidence, a mistake, but the way he pressed his skin further into yours made it hard to believe.

To confound the emotional turmoil even further, your omega was now not only at war with your logical, rational side, but also itself. Soap’s touch, his scent, felt good. Safe. More familiar to you than even your own alpha’s after the last few months. But that was just the problem, wasn’t it? Soap wasn’t your alpha. He was a part of your pack, sure, but he wasn’t your alpha. And right now? Right now all your omega wanted was your alpha, no matter how upset you were. But, you were far too prideful to actually admit that at the moment.

Instead, you gently shrugged off Soap’s touch. As his hand slid off your shoulder, an almost sad smile appeared on his lips. “He cares about you, you know?”

Your gaze snapped back to Soap’s, your lips parted in surprise. Your mind whirled, racing with conflicting thoughts, hopes, fears, and desires. Soap shook his head, that same sad smile accompanied by a small, sad laugh. “He does. He’s just shite at showin’ it. Just… give ‘im a chance, aye?”

And with that, Soap walks away, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his military-issued cargo pants, leaving you completely shocked and stunned.

—

It was nearing midnight, if the time blinking in a bright red on your alarm clock was any indication, but sleep still stubbornly refused to take you. You were sprawled out uncomfortably on your military-issued bed, the result of tossing and turning nonstop since you had laid down. After your conversation with Soap, if you could even call it that, you picked up a shift at medbay, but even your work, something you had missed deeply in the worst throes of the bond sickness, couldn’t quell the pain and anger. But even worse than the pain and anger was the confusion. Why did Soap act the way he did? It felt like there was more than what he was saying, but maybe you were reading too far into it. And right now, as shit as it felt to say it, it was the least of your problems.

It had only been a few hours since Simon had interrupted your sparring session, and the bond was stronger than it had been, even with your anger and resentment and the distance that you had created between the two of you. You still couldn’t feel his emotions very well, even when you tried to focus on it, but you just chalked that up to the fact that your own emotions were blocking him out, as strong and volatile as they were at the moment. It didn’t matter to your omega though. Your base instincts were prowling inside of you, your skin prickling with the need to be near your alpha.

And that’s how Simon’s crumpled up sweatshirt that you had thrown into the corner ended up on your bed, tucked between your pillows as you laid in the dark room. Soap’s words echoed in your ears, his Scottish brogue repeating to just give Simon a chance. You were so tired. Tired of everything. The type of bone deep exhaustion that you knew a simple night’s sleep wouldn’t fix. And that type of fatigue only brings weakness, and weakness brings irrationality. Plus, Simon’s sweatshirt was losing its scent, leaving your omega side even more on edge. Even though you hadn’t touched it until tonight, it had been sitting in the corner for a week, and it barely held the residual scent of the harsher scents of Simon’s pheromones. You knew that already, as you had unabashedly buried your face into it a few minutes ago to try and subdue your omega side enough to find sleep. But instead of finding the smoked pine, wet gunpowder, and a freshly-lit cigarette smell you knew should be there, you found it all smelling stale and rotted, which only made your omega freak out more.

You flopped onto your back, a groan of frustration leaving your lips. You picked up your phone for the umpteenth time that night, but this time your finger hovered over Simon’s contact. Soap’s words whispered in your mind again, but this time, you listened.

Your fingers flew across the screen before your more rational side could stop them.

Hey. Are you awake? We need to talk.

You threw your phone down onto your bed, your hands flying up to cover your face as another groan of frustration pushed past your lips. You hated this. All of it. You wished you could go back in time and somehow stopped all of this from happening. But, it didn’t work like that.

Simon wasn’t in any better of a state than you. He rarely slept as is, but he had found it especially hard since you had left his quarters. His thoughts were all consumed by self-deprecation and fear, and those thoughts became especially loud in the darkness of his quarters, where your sick, rotted scent still clung to his bedsheets from where you had laid for those three days. When he heard his phone buzz from where it lay face down on his bedside table, he had half a mind to ignore it, just as he had done with everything other than work the last week and a half. But something told him that it was important. He sighed, stretching his arm out to blindly grab at the device from where he was laying face down in his bed. He looked at the bright screen, his eyes adjusting to the light. As soon as he saw your name flashing across his screen, he flipped over and sat up. His heart raced as he read your text, so many worst-case scenarios flashing through his mind.

He normally wasn’t the type to worry like this. To feel anything for anyone, as evidenced by the neglect he had put you through. But, after seeing you so close to death, and his conversations with Soap and Price, he had noticed it more and more. This all-consuming desire to protect you, to be what you need. But, he would still stand by what he told you that very first day, before you had passed out. If you still wanted to break the bond, he would.

He just hoped that this wasn’t what this conversation was going to be about.

Do you want me to come to yours or do you want to come here?

His response was short, succinct. The detached words completely betrayed the way his hands shook as he typed out the response carefully, trying to give you the space to make the decision without being too overbearing.

Your response didn’t come on his phone. Instead, 10 minutes later, there was a soft knock on his door. He jumped out of bed, tugging on a pair of sweatpants. As he opened the door with one hand, the other was deftly tying the strings of his pants.

Your gaze fell down to the movement, your cheeks heating up in a flush of embarrassment before your gaze snapped up to Simon’s. Your tongue felt heavy, uncertain of itself. “Hi.”

Your scent hit Simon at full-force. You smelled better than you had the last time you were in his quarters. Your warm, caramelized vanilla, full of spice and the thinnest layer of medical antiseptic and gunpowder. It smelled much more like you, right, but there was still something off. You smelled… defeated, almost, like you had given up. And, maybe, you had.

“Hey,” he whispered back in response. He felt uncertain, something he wasn’t familiar with. “You said we needed to talk?”

You looked down at the floor, biting the corner of your lower lip. You knew what you needed, what your omega wanted, but your logical side was holding you back. You nodded slightly, keeping your gaze averted. “Can I come in?”

Simon nodded, even though you couldn’t see it, and stepped back. You stepped inside, letting the door fall closed behind you. You looked around the room, noticing how much it hadn’t changed. Simon’s sheets were mussed up, and it was clear that he had been tossing and turning just as much as you had been. You sighed softly, running a hand down your face. Your omega side was whining, begging to be wrapped up in Simon, but it had finally started to settle down being within Simon’s quarters.

Simon stood awkwardly behind you - like a puppy afraid to be seen. You felt the emotions radiating off of him, smelled it in the air. His normal scent had soured slightly, but you could tell he was trying to hide it. You glanced over your shoulder at him, and, sure enough, his hand was clamped over one of his scent glands to try and dampen the scent. He stared back at you, his brown eyes filled with a sad warmth. A frown tugged at your own lips as you saw the sadness in his gaze, a strange feeling of guilt flaring in your chest.

“What did you need to talk about?” He asked softly, his gaze unwavering from yours.

Strangely, just hearing those words from him broke something in you. Maybe it was the fact that you were exhausted, your omega so wounded and confused, or that you were so tired of being enemies - whatever the reason, it truly didn’t matter. Tears started to well in your lash line, your eyes closing to try and fight against the unrelenting tide. In the brief watery moment, you saw Simon’s face morph into thinly-veiled panic, and right when your eyes closed, you felt his arms wrap around you.

“Hey, hey, love, shhh…” Simon muttered softly as he shifted his body to press completely against yours. Your hands came up to rest on his bare chest as the tears started to flow freely. Your chest stuttered as you tried to force air into your lungs, but this was all too much and yet, not enough. “It’s okay. I got you. I got you.”

You shook your head, but you weren’t quite sure what you were denying as the tips of your omega claws dug slightly into the thick muscle of his pectoral. “I… I’m tired, Simon,” you whispered in response, your voice weak and shaky. “I’m so, so fucking tired.”

He pressed you further into his chest, your head slotting perfectly under his chin. “I know, sweetheart. I know. Do you want to talk about it?”

You shook your head again, not trusting yourself to speak. Not trusting yourself to keep the armor of spite and anger that you had carefully crafted over the last few months at bay. You knew what you needed. From both yourself and him.

Vulnerability.

“Tell me what you need, love. Please. You’ve done such a good job blocking me out, I can’t get a read on you. I need you to talk to me. I want to help you, but I can’t without words.”

“I-I didn’t do it on purpose,” You sobbed out, pressing your face further into his skin, angling it to get as close as you can to the scent gland on the underside of his jaw.

A small grumble shook in his chest as he pulled you impossibly closer, a huff rustling your hair. He placed his lips against the top of your skull gently, rocking the two of you slightly as you wept. “I know,” he muttered, his lips brushing your hair tenderly as he spoke. “It’s my fault. I pushed you away. I fucked up. And I ain’t gonna stand here and make excuses anymore. There was reasons for why I reacted the way I did, but… now’s not the time to go into them. Just know that… I’m here for you. I got you, love. In every and any way that you want me.”

“I don’t know how to forgive you.” The words were small, little more than a breath of shaky, pain-filled air that brushed against the thin, delicate skin of his throat.

And, fuck, if that didn’t stab him through the chest like a twisting blade. He knew he deserved it, gods, he knew it, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

“I know,” he whispered in response, but his voice lacked any real strength. He sounded hollow, like your whispered admission had completely shattered him. “I know.”

“I’m just so tired,” you repeated, your voice breaking on another sob. “I don’t know what to do, I’m so fucking… I’m torn, Simon. Every day the logical side of my brain and my omega have been at war with each other, and I’m so fucking tired of fighting it. I give up.”

“You… you give up?” Simon whispered, his voice coated in shock.

You tilted your head up higher, moving away from him just enough to look up at him fully. Your cheeks were streaked with tears, the skin red and swollen. For the first time in a long time, you could feel his emotions through the bond. The shock, the self-hatred, the pain that ricocheted through his body felt almost like your own. Even through the onslaught of his emotions, you could feel your heart, which had been so cold and detached to his, warm slightly. He cares. You blinked, trying to will the tears away enough to look at Simon - really look at him for the first time, probably ever.

“I give up on pretending I don’t need you.”

Simon blinks. Once. Twice. Three times.

“What?” he mumbled, his voice still filled with shock.

“At least for now. I’m tired of fighting it. All of it. And I might not know how to forgive you, how to trust you outside of a battlefield, but I’m tired of sleeping in an empty bed away from the man I’m mated to. I’m tired of avoiding each other like the plague. I’m tired of feeling like I’m incomplete. I’m just… tired.”

Tired. Simon could work with tired. The trust and the bond strengthening and all of that can come after. But, it’s a chance. And that’s all he needed.

“Do you want to stay the night?”

You nodded slowly, forcing yourself to maintain eye contact. You knew you couldn’t run any longer. And you knew that this, even just for a night, would help soothe your omega. The actual conversation can wait until the morning.

tag list: @kerst666 @misscaller06 @letaliabane @sai-int @itsmeamysworld @massivescissorsthingperson @aeeliy @alkalineapparition @cringeycookies @trulovekay @luvlyleah276 @mundanenonsense @unclearblur

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lilgarbitch · 16 hours ago

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The Voice of an Angel - Two

Pairing: Matt Dierkes x PornBlog!Reader

CW: nothing much, stress with tour, sugar daddy!Matt

Word Count: 3k

Author’s Note: Sorry this took a minute to come out and isn’t longer. I don’t want to jump around time too much or add any unnecessary scenes and overwhelm myself. The next part will be more fun, I promise🖤

Tags: @theanarchymuse95 @dontwantthemoney @badomensgoodomens @enemiestolovershoe @xmads-omensx @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @thatchickwiththecamera @tosoundlessdarkistare @lacy1986 @follow-me-down-to-wonderland

Part One

Y/N | Sunday 10:32 AM

I wake myself up with a snore, groaning and rolling over. I grimace when I feel droll on my cheek, quickly lifting my head and wiping it away. Sitting up, I rub my eyes and stretch out my legs before I realize something. My eyes shoot open and stare out my window, seeing that the sun was high in the sky.

“Fuck,” I quickly reach for my phone, repeatedly hitting the button as I try to turn it on. I never put it on the goddamn charger last night.

I reach over the side of my bed and almost fall over as I swipe at the charger, finally grabbing it and plugging my phone in before stumbling out of bed. Running to the kitchen, I see the time on the stove and huff as I grab a glass, fill it up and chug it, needing to fix the dryness in my mouth before getting ready.

After rushing through a shower and throwing on whatever semi- matching clothes I could find, I grab my keys, phone, and bag before high-tailing it out of my apartment, almost forgetting shoes.

I burst through the library’s doors, giving a patron who just happened to be standing nearby an apologetic look for startling them, before speed walking to the back room. Surprisingly, the library was quite empty for a Sunday morning. Not that there was ever a rush, but weekends were usually when people had time to come in to get what they needed, usually needing assistance, and when there’s only one person in, it can get overwhelming.

I was pinning my name tag to my shirt when I felt a presence behind me, making me hunch as I slowly turned towards them, ready to get an earful for being late to a morning weekend shift, but as my eyes reached Alex’s face, I don’t think I’ve ever let out a bigger sigh of relief.

”Where have you been?” She asked, hands on her hips like scourning mother. I gave her an apologetic pout, trying to gain sympathy.

“My phone died so my alarms never went off. I’m so sorry. I hope it hasn’t been busy,” I explain. She gives me a deadpan look.

”Stay up late reading again?” She asks with a smirk, already knowing my obsession with fanfiction.

”Surprisingly, no. I’ve just been so exhausted lately from not getting enough sleep that I guess my body recovered by making me sleep almost 12 hours.” I answer, shocked by my own body.

“Well, thankfully it’s been a slow morning, and I already put away most of the returns, so if you want to do the rest, I can take any customers and you can take it slow today. But you owe me.” I pout and walk over, reaching to give her a hug, that she continuously tries to dodge.

”You’re the best. And don’t worry. I have just the thing to pay you back, but it’s a surprise.”

”Uh huh, sure you do. Well, get your ass out there, because I’ve been on my feet all morning and being able to sit down is all the payment I’ll take right now.” She says as we make our way out of the back room and she heads towards the front desk, sighing as she sits down behind it.

I hold back a laugh as I make my way to the cart full of books and start scanning the rest of them. I wasn’t going to tell her that the reason the exhaustion took over so bad was because I came so hard last night that I could barely edit and post the audio before completely crashing.

After scanning and putting away the rest of the books, I checked with Alex to make sure there wasn't anything else I had to do before sitting down at a nearby empty table and pulling out my phone, still needing to check the responses from my other job.

Without checking my notifications, I scrolled through the comments of everyone, liking a few sweet ones. I had to hide the smile on my face when I saw that ThotxPleaser had actually left one, helping my consistent racing thoughts the past week. I was about to tell myself that I was worrying over nothing when I finally checked my Cashapp.

I gasped so fast that Alex sent me a wild look after I choked on my own spit. I did my best to wave her off and catch my breath as I read his message.

ThotxPleaser- $1,000

All I want is to hear your voice more. Talk about your day, how the weather is treating you, or rant about a TV show you’re watching. I’d listen to you forever. All I ask is if you’d be willing to send me voice memos here and there to get me through my days. Name your price, sunshine.

So I was right. He has been using my audios as some type of escape. And just sent me a thousand fucking dollars to get private ones. And from the sounds of it, he didn’t even want them to be erotic, he just wanted to hear me talk. This couldn’t be that easy, right? My mind was racing as I took this all in.

I loved the library, and it was a job that truly made me happy, but it wasn’t great pay, especially for a girl who liked to spoil herself from time to time, so I’ve been using my donations for most of my living expenses, most coming from ThotxPleaser. Having this big of a donation, with the promise of more, meant that a weight had just been lifted off my shoulder.

Ever since it was announced, I’ve been saving up small chunks of the donations to hopefully get a good set of tickets for Alex and I to see Bad Omens. It was one of the things we had bonded over when she started working here, and she has saved my ass so many times that I had been planning on surprising her for a while now. And now, I can actually make it happen.

Without even responding, I immediately head to the ticket page, praying that there were any left for the date they were playing in our city. Praise the fucking gods above, there were. And there were even meet and greet passes that I added on without care, knowing I was about to make more money that I even knew what to do with.

I sneakily slip past Alex as I made my way towards the back room again, heading straight for my bag. I pull out my wallet and input all the necessary details before clicking buy. The second that the ‘You’re Going!’ message popped up, I almost squealed as I jumped up and down with excitement.

I hurriedly put all my things back into my bag before heading back out towards the front desk. Seeing that there were only a few patrons in the library, none near the desk, I might as well use this chance to tell her.

I slip behind her and bend down as she stares at her phone, spooking her as I gave a small “psst.”

“What?!” she asks as she turns to me with an almost angry startled look, making me bite back laughter.

“Would you like to know your surprise?” I ask in a sing-songy voice. She raises an eyebrow, acting unimpressed already.

“You were serious about that? I thought you were just going to show up with coffee and donuts tomorrow or something.”

“Pfft. I’d never do that…” I trail off, completely lying as I have done exactly that before, which she reminds me with the look on her face, “No, I have something I think you’ll enjoy a little more than coffee and donuts.”

As she stares at me expectantly, still seeming unimpressed, I turn my phone around and show her the screen. It takes a few seconds for the image to process in her brain, but once it does, a silent shock takes over her as she repeatedly glances back and forth between my cocky smile and the proof of purchase in my hands.

“You didn’t.”

“Oh, but I did. And…” I trail off, bringing my phone back to me to zoom in on the extra special part of said purchase before turning the phone back to her, “I got us meet and greet passes.”

She had to cover her mouth with her hands to keep quiet as she started kicking her feet, spinning the desk chair in the process, making me laugh. We instantly start discussing our plans for making sure we take off work that day and the day after, and obsessing over the boys and how insane it was that we were actually doing this.

Y/N | Sunday 5:03 PM

As I head towards my car, still riding the high of knowing I’m going to meet the boys of my favorite band in less than 3 weeks from now, I remember why all of this was even possible. Sliding into the driver's seat, I pull my phone out of my bag and look over the donation again.

I mean, I could send him a message, discussing the details, or I could send him a recording, giving him something worth the money he already sent. Pulling up my recording app, I turn on the car and set my phone in my lap, pressing record before pulling out of the parking spot.

“I know you said that you’d listen to me talk about whatever, so I figured the best way to start these off would be talking about how you want this to go. I’ve honestly never done anything like this, so I have no clue if I should charge per minute or something, or just- Oh, fuck you!… Oops sorry. I’m driving home from work and some asshole just cut me off. Anywho, maybe we can discuss this over DM or something. I’ve honestly never talked to a follower privately so I’m not even sure how to do that. Shit, do I just send this to your DMs? I don’t know how any of this shit works.”

I pause, and sigh. I’m definitely making a complete fool of myself already, but men have bought used panties, so I doubt he’s going to care if I send him an audio of me sounding like a complete idiot.

“I think I’ll just send this to you through DMs and then research a more formal way of doing this later, especially once we discuss more about how you’d like me to make these. Oh fuck, I can literally send these over Patreon. No, I’ll just stick to DMs for now. God, this is gonna take some getting used to. I also have no idea how to charge you for listening to me ramble, so truthfully, I trust you to just send me whatever you feel fits, since you spoil me so nicely already.”

I look down real quick and see I’ve only been talking for a little over a minute, and with $1,000, I feel he deserves a little more yapping, so I continue.

“What else? Uhhh I guess I could talk about my day. Kinda started off shit, to be honest. I crashed so hard last night after posting that audio that I never plugged in my phone, resulting in it dying and none of my alarms going off. Thankfully, my best friend was the one working with me today, so I didn’t get my ass chewed out for being late. And I did use your money to spoil the both of us to a concert as an apology gift. I would tell you who, but you’re a complete stranger and could try showing up to every show, searching for me. So let’s just say they’re a band of really hot guys who make really good music and I’m so fucking excited to see them.”

I turn down the road that leads to my apartment building, so I decide that I should probably wrap this up.

“I do want to mention that I’m extremely thankful for your support. Like, more than you think. Especially with a request like this. I always expected my first request being some freak begging me to say some weird shit or talk in a yoda voice as I play with myself. And you know what? This was actually really nice just talking about my day out loud. I don’t have anyone to do that with, so the fact you’re letting me, and paying me, is honestly a fucking wish I didn’t even know I had, come true. I’m gonna enjoy yapping to you, mysterious Thot Pleaser. Anywho, I gotta go. Message me back when you get the chance and hopefully I didn’t annoy you just yet. Byeee.”

I stop the recording as I turn off the car, instantly hoping my shitty car wasn’t making too much noise in the background of the audio, before grabbing my things and heading up towards my apartment.

Once inside, I beeline towards my bedroom and flop down on my bed before pulling up Twitter and clicking on ThotxPleaser’s account. I click on the little message icon then send the audio file with ‘- Angel💋’

Matt | Monday 7:34 PM

I’m fucking stressed. Folio lost his ID and Noah spent all day freaking out because we put his mask on the bus with his other shit and no matter how many times we told him it was there, he just kept saying ‘What if it’s not?’ or asking people, mid packing, if they would ride with him to the depot to check, despite us all seeing it there. I’ve been routinely checking over our equipment time and time again, making sure we have everything because last time, Jolly didn’t tell us he messed with it and we didn’t realize until the first show, having to borrow another band’s guitar last second because he just needed to test out his one last time. And I knew he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice, but with everyone running around like headless chickens, I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the guys moved something, thinking they were helping.

And to top it all off, Angel sent me a fucking recording that I haven’t been able to look at. My stomach absolutely dropped to my ass when I saw the notification and I feel like shit leaving her waiting for a response but the timing couldn’t have been worse. I could easily listen as we finish getting everything together, but I didn’t know how I was going to react to it and I didn’t have the mental capacity to handle the emotions listening to her would bring me. And I knew I couldn’t listen tonight because the second I get off my feet, I’m going to crash, and we’re going to have to leave early in the morning so the last thing I need is to stay up replaying it on repeat.

But I truly needed nothing more than to hear her right now. I knew her voice could ease most of the stress and overwhelming thoughts. I just couldn’t handle a single distraction at the moment.

Matt | Tuesday 6:47 AM

I draped an arm over my eyes as I felt the bus shake beneath me as I sprawled out on the couch. I managed to get maybe four hours of sleep last night, and I was fucking exhausted, but I couldn’t fall back asleep, even though everyone else passed out within 30 minutes of the bus hitting the road.

We weren’t getting to the first venue until around 3, and I definitely had the time for a small nap, but my nerves felt like they were on fire. The beginning of tour always felt like this, especially with how fast moving it had to be, so I knew the anxiety could calm down within the next week, but right now, my mind wasn’t going to let me feel a single moment of peace.

As I scrolled on my phone, switching between apps to occupy my time, I realized this was the perfect time to finally listen to Angel’s audio. I glance around at the closed curtains of the boy’s bunks before switching over to my alternative account on twitter and opening my DMs. I really hope she got the memo of me not needing anything sexual. I just wanted to hear her voice.

I hit play and instantly it fills my ears like a beautiful melody. I have to hide my chuckle as I hear her stressing over rambling too much. She sounded so adorable. And something about how…domestic…this felt was just melting my brain. If I ignored the fact that she was talking about payment and how to get this to work, the sound of her car driving over suburban roads and the way she’d get distracted by the things around her almost felt like I was on a call with her as she told me about her day.

I let the audio replay one more time, actually taking in her words instead of just listening to her voice, before typing out a reply.

ThotxPleaser - Sorry it took me so long to respond. I’m fine with whatever you want to do. I promise I’ll spoil you no matter what you decide to send. And I’m happy that you can use this as a way to talk about your day. I’ll always be here to listen to you ramble about whatever you need to get off your chest. And I’m glad you’re spoiling yourself, you deserve it. I hope when the concert comes, you’ll tell me about how much fun you had.

ThotxPleaser - Oh that reminds me

I switch over to my Cash App and send off a little gift for her with a smirk on my face.

ThotxPleaser - $1,500

Use this to buy yourself a nice outfit and for you and your friend to get yourselves some merch and food at your show

I want to send more, the need to have a conversation with her overwhelming me, but I don't want to push too far. With a content smile, I finally relax in my seat, sleep taking over almost instantly as my mind plays on how happy I was to come to this agreement with her and how much it’s going to help me, especially knowing it’s going to make her happy.

TO BE CONTINUED

#Matt dierkes #matt dierkes fanfiction #matt dierkes x reader #matt dierkes fic #matt dierkes smut #bad omens #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens fic #Bad omens smut

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sgiandubh · 7 hours ago

Text

Live with it

Dear Masquerading Anon,

There is no need to shout, it is very rude and translates as hate speech. And it is absolutely ridiculous to bet on something you will never be able to prove, simply because you can never prove something that never happened.

I am a senior Government official, with already a twenty-two year long career in various positions, who was sent by my ministry on a diplomatic mission to Athens from 2018 to 2024, under the umbrella of our MFA and as part of our Embassy team. This has been confirmed many times, including by people of this community who used (and still do) my mail address and my private phone numbers, both in Greece and at home. I am currently home, waiting for my next tour abroad, which has been decided upon and requires a lengthy ongoing procedure. I have consistently offered more evidence about myself and my real life than you ever offered about your own identity, whoever you might be.

Why do I have the unpleasant impression I do know who you are, having kicked you out a long time ago, from my page? If I remember well, you have always insisted to know who I was, what I did for a living, where I lived, and so on. I could be wrong, of course, but at the moment, I tend to doubt it.

Connecting that other blogger's decision to deactivate and any intervention from me is supposing I have far more leverage or interest in her person than I ever did and plain demented. Bet you'll never be able to explain how I would have managed to do it, nor the logic fracture between me being a civilian (according to you, since you stated I was a liar, therefore nobody) and the same civilian nobody being suddenly able to have someone else deactivate a blog I only superficially read, and not really cared about.

The same above person's decision to block me was never explained, but explicit enough. She and I never talked and she was never mentioned on this page. Another blogger, now deceased, came in my DMs shortly before or afterwards (not caring, I do not remember exactly when, on that timeline) to utter menace and the same accusations of content robbing. I felt beyond insulted and had no idea what she was talking about or to whom she thought she was talking to. But I also understood I was talking to an elderly, perhaps fragile woman and chose to remain silent about it. With all due respect for someone who passed away, I will make an exception from my DM non-disclosure rule and give you that very short conversation:

Note the date: June 28, 2023. I have to confess it was the first time I was under this kind of online pressure and I did not take it very well. Yet, I carried on, with no fuss and no drama. I simply hope the person that so cavalierly approached me found peace and knows, by now, the truth of this circumstance. I honestly believe she does, and cannot hold a grudge, in her case: de mortuis, nisi bene. That does not mean I forgot about it, mind you.

Following this incident and some other people putting direct or indirect pressure on me, I took the decision (and appropriate steps, with regard to my own life circumstances) to be as open as I could afford about myself. I believe I was always civilized to people who approached me in a civilized manner, always admitted my mistakes and always appropriately credited any blogger whose work I have used or who tipped me. Even those who did not want to be mentioned: politeness always finds a way. I have nothing to be ashamed of, so to speak, on account of my presence in this community.

About @gabysachs' very recent insinuations of me robbing evidence discussed by Diggsydogsquee, which might have triggered you to post this Anon, well�� A browser is a thing of wonder, indeed, because it keeps trace of every single thing one does on the Internet. It's called the 'History' tab and is very useful.

For example, I have posted that thing apparently bothering many of you exactly on Monday, at 04:08 AM, local time:

I usually write as I research and adjust upon proofreading, which has often landed me in boiling water. It is what it is and again, I always confessed my sins and sought atonement (I know you are familiar with this vocabulary). To prepare that particular post, here is the activity log, recording the webpages I have consulted and then screen capped. Beware, it is a long backwards roster, from the most recent to the first consulted webpages - research is a tedious affair, after all:

Highlighted above are the webpages I believe @gabysachs thought I might have robbed from her friend's now deactivated blog. In reality, the hitch.co.uk reference is one of the top ten links listed by Google when you look for 'foreign citizens getting married in Ibiza'. I chose that particular one, because it was reasonably recent (2022) and a British source:

You were saying?

Thought so. And no, darling. I am not going anywhere. Learn to live with it.

PS: You are not even blocked. Cobbling this post was so annoyingly long that I lost the Anon draft in the process. A Tumblr glitch, I suppose, of which there are many.

#anon #fandom #shitshow #trolls

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sayitaliano · 2 days ago

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Ciao! I've been loosely following Sanremo and I'm curious about the Topo Gigio performance. Why was it so impactful? I've seen many people reacting from nostalgia, but also someone mentioned it being very politically significant. Could you explain how it is?

Ciao!

I can only talk from my pov, and it brought me a lot of nostalgia tbh.

Topo Gigio is a famous tv personage and singer: he's been on tv since 1959, hosting and being a co-host in many famous tv shows, especially those who made Italian TV history like Canzonissima and Lo Zecchino d'Oro (both music-based), where he used to sing and duet with many guests and hosts like Raffaella Carrà and Mago Zurlì (Cino Tortorella). His most famous song is "Strapazzami di coccole" (=scramble me with cuddles). His creators indeed made him a very romantic, sweet character, always willing to cuddle and eat some groviera cheese but also very afraid of cats (and of songs about cats). His most famous quote, he mentioned during Sanremo's performance too, is "Ma cosa mi dici mai" (=what are you saying/no way... -in a very cute way-). He got to take part in a few movies, a bunch of animated series (made in Japan too), books and comics; he even got to be on US TV.

Few days ago Topo Gigio turned 66 years old. In this Sanremo he's been the first non-human joining the competition. But he's such a dear character to all, and I guess many loved Lucio's great idea of bringing him to sing on Italian tv main channel in prime time after long. Not to mention they sang "Nel blu dipinto di blu (Volare)" by Domenico Modugno who won Sanremo in 1958 with this song (sang by Bowie too, whom many got reminded by seeing Lucio Corsi) and who had been the first one to voice Topo Gigio in 1959. Lucio mentioned how he learned not to be a slave of circumstances and of others thanks to Topo Gigio (a pretty nonconformist puppet) and that the song, based on the element of air and flying, could have made the hearts of many fly as well.

In December 2024, Gigio hosted Lo Zecchino D'Oro (some kind of Sanremo for kids, let's say) with Carlo Conti and asked him to take him as a contestant in Sanremo which he couldn't do. That's why after the performance with Lucio Corsi he reminded Carlo of the fact he didn't want to bring him to Sanremo but he made it anyway thanks to Lucio.

I honestly am not sure about the politic meaning of this performance (could be that Gigio is a symbol of freedom and diversity though). I respect everyone, but I personally don't wanna be one of those people trying to see politics everywhere and being so serious all the times, looking at any possible hidden reason behind everything, even behind a puppet (especially loved by kids, and reminding me of my childhood) singing on TV. I'm already stressed enough, yk. I may be naive, but I'm okay with that. And this blog, being my blog, is not going to talk politics or at least not very much also for this reason. So, for this part, I hope someone else can help you better!

Buona giornata/serata!

#it #italian #italiano #sanremo #sanremo 2025 #langblr #languages #italian langblr #italian language #topo gigio

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givemeanaccountalready · 2 days ago

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Same anon as before, throwing in this ramble into your asks, hope you don't mind (feel free to ignore and delete if you do tho)

Things aren't really adding up with how Milgram works.

K, so, those voted guilty at trial 2 apparently got restrained. So, again, how the fuck did Haruka die?

But also, remember the Mahiru trial 2 sprite? Standing. On a leg with a cast. And yet, during her voice drama, we literally hear her get inside with a wheelchair, and she's mentioned to be using one (until her condition worsened so much due to Shidou's "care" that she ended up bedridden). So where's the wheelchair on the sprite?

Tbh, I feel like the way sprites get drawn is more for symbolism purpose rather than them being actually restrained like that.

Ann ee ways, this trial I'll be voting everyone inno.

Yuno and Kazui didn't do anything wrong throughout the previous trials, Fuuta's case is very common (in Milgram fandom especially, ironically enough) so I feel like it's hypocritical for us to vote him guilty and to make him suffer and spiral even more, and Muu has clearly not changed at all so punishing her through voting is not gonna help and she should face the consequences for her actions outside of milgram. Kotoko and Amane are unique cases, but I feel like they should be voted inno too.

For Amane, we are to blame for how she turned out. Voting her guilty first trial, when her MV showed her helping a cat and then getting punished for practicing medicine, sent a very clear message to her that "medicine = bad, if you help people, you deserve punishment". And then when we got more detailed visual of what she went through in next trial, we voted her inno, which sent a message "things you were taught are correct and you should indeed punish the ones who go against the teaching". It's no wonder she ended up killing Shidou, especially if it turned out that Mahiru died before he did, which means Amane would consider her early death to be his fault.

Kotoko, there's not much to do about her. We first judged for her crime alone, and that is it. Based on what we saw, she killed someone who did, indeed, deserve to die (and that crime already was judged outside of milgram). Her actual reason for being in Milgram is, without a doubt, someone else's death, who's death she blames herself for (since, for Milgram, you don't actively have to commit a murder or even admit you feel guilty, you can simply believe something is considered a murder, example. Yuno case, or feel like you're responsible for their death, example. Fuuta, Mahiru and Kazui), but we haven't seen that in MV (yet). There was no way we could have known she'd start beating up people who were voted guilty if we voted her innocent. Putting her through further punishment now to try to get her to learn that what she did is bad will not work, just like with Muu. It's pointless, and she's not facing proper consequences (and she likely never will because another guilty might get her killed, which won't make up for violence she inflicted on prisoners that resulted in one eventually dying, but an inno will result in her being freed from milgram, where, again, she'll never face consequences for that violence because it happened inside milgram).

For Mikoto though, I think we should finally vote based on his crime. So far, first voting was because people thought he was faking DID (despite the fact that it was plainly explained to the audience that he definitely does have it, and the way milgram works makes it impossible to fake DID since it differentiates each alter as its own soul), and he got voted guilty for this. Second trial, we voted him inno to, well, basically "fix" his DID (and it didn't fix shit, we just forced John into going dormant, which, surprise surprise, turned out to be horrible and is making Mikoto suffer even more now). He's literally the only character we were voting based on his disorder rather than actually judging him. I'd personally want him to be voted innocent so that he could have a proper trial outside of milgram.

Hi anon! Never apologize for entering my ask box. It’s open to all. And I love listening to rambles, because I ramble so much myself. It's nice hearing others do it too.

First thing first, holy crap that was an amazing catch by you about Amane. I didn’t even think of Amane’s verdicts like that. We have no idea what or how much of our collective thoughts the prisoners, especially the ones voted Guilty, hear/feel. Since Jackalope described their beliefs being rejected, it may be reasonable to assume they only hear the bad, while the ones voted Innocent may hear bits of everything, the good and the bad. But, even though they can hear us, for the Innocent, the decision to accept or reject our thoughts is theirs, while the Guilty seem to have to rely on their mental fortitude to reject the bad feedback.

Let me start with those voted Innocent during Trial 1. Haruka and Muu both highly value and covet validation, so it’s no surprise that they would accept our affirmations without much thought. Yuno voiced her disgust with being seen as pitiful and being forced into prostitution and corrected it. Shidou and Kazui were also voted Innocent and rejected what we thought of them. Kotoko was probably going to do her thing regardless of our vote, because she believes Es doesn’t have it in them to punish the Guilty right. I think her Innocent verdict during Trial 1 emboldened her to go as far as she did. If she was Guilty Trial 1, then someone else would have acted negatively in-between Trials 1 and 2, and she could have been an acting force against any chaos and used that to bargain for her fang position, stressing to Es that her freedom of movement needs to be maintained like Shidou had argued. Someone was going to be a bad actor in-between Trials, if only to up the stakes like Kotoko was able to.

But back to the pushback for the Guilty prisoners. Mikoto doesn’t discuss what the voices told him, and that’s probably because he doesn’t get the chance to. His second audio drama is mostly John and Es talking, rather than Mikoto. Fuuta is quick to point out that Kotoko told him that Es’s forgiveness gave her the sanction to beat him to a pulp. But his focus is more on Kotoko’s violence and Es’s hypocrisy, and so we only get a tidbit of him listing a few things the voices told him, “Countless voices, judging me with all sorts of words… just for interest, just for fun, just because they don’t like me.”

Mahiru also mentioned hearing the voices between Trials 1 and 2, “Voices saying I couldn’t be forgiven.” And like Fuuta, she does question why she can’t be forgiven. She takes it a step further and says, “To not forgive me is to take the act of loving away from me. That’s the same as not being alive,” and, “So… if this love isn’t allowed, then I don’t mind dying.”

Amane seemed to be the most resilient, because of her repeated rejections of what the voices told her. What we do hear of what the voices told her are things we know she hates: pity because she is a kid. Amane was very vocal about hating that kind of treatment back in Trial 1. I was so focused on her outside rejection of pushback on her religious beliefs, I totally neglected the idea that she may have internalized that we agreed with her punishment. Like damn… that’s a sucker punch right in my heart’s gut.

But I skipped over what you first said. Questioning how symbolic the sprites are compared to reality is a good idea. Like there is currently no way for Muu and Kotoko to independently eat, drink, or even use the toilet with how their restraints are now. That or Milgram managed to remove their need for that, but someone surely would have said something by now, right?! And seriously, how did Haruka manage to kill himself? Could he have starved himself to death in Milgram? But if Milgram could remove your ability to act or experience a biological function like menstruation, surely, it can remove the need for food and drink and restroom needs. And his hands were most likely restrained, so he must have had to get creative to do it.

Now, about voting this time around… other people have said this, and mine is probably not going to be anywhere near as elegant. I know the fandom is pretty global, but growing up, did you ever hear the phrase, “You just lost the game,” from another kid? It is a dumb game that you lose simply by remembering it exists. Basically, rage bait on the jungle gym. There was no way to actually win that game, and I bring that up because I don’t think there was ever going to be a way to win Milgram. As a fandom, we can point fingers at each other all we'd like about if or what verdict or prisoner destroyed all our attempts to do damage control, but I really think that all ten prisoners were doomed by the narrative, because Milgram is not a friendly entity. No truly friendly entity would go to the degree of the restraints we've seen on the prisoners. And not just the physical ones, but the mental restraints as well. Based on what I've mentioned earlier, the Guilty prisoners can reject our rejection of them, just like how the Innocent prisoners are free to do the same to our affirmations; but, the toll it takes to do so is much higher, so it's harder for the Guilty prisoners to resist the bombardment of awfulness they get from us. To varying degrees, the prisoners have maintained their own sense of autonomy. And they will not bend to our will just because we said so, but only if they believe we said the right thing. In that respect, the prisoners have more agency than Es--their warden--does because Es gives whatever verdict we say to and then gives themself a reason for that verdict later.

And this doesn't even include considering the meta side of things. Yamanaka and others on his team have seen our comments on the music videos and across multiple social media platforms. I believe that the stakes were going to increase across trials regardless of who was Innocent or Guilty, and if it wasn't Kotoko inflicting harm on other prisoners between Trials 1 and 2 and posing a threat to others between Trials 2 and 3, then another prisoner would have been assigned the role as the bad guy. I entered the fandom late, sometime before Purge March came out, and looking back, I think that's clear. To put it more simply, at least one prisoner would have been hurt between Trials 1 and 2, at least one prisoner would have posed a serious threat between Trials 2 and 3, with at least one prisoner dying being somewhere between a serious risk and a guaranteed threat. Our choices influenced who did what and to what extent, and that while we were meant to try to mitigate the damage done, there was a degree of inevitability that something would have happened. And that's not to say, we the audience should wipe our hands clean of this. We are as much of a player in this game as Es and Jackalope. The prisoners are our pawns, and we did not do a good job of taking care of them. I know that's a strange way to put it, since calling others pawns has a very negative connotation to it, but relative to us, but we essentially played god and now we are reaping what we've sown.

So, Trial 3 voting... for the sake of not causing further harm, I want to vote all Innocent, even if I don't think I could find it in me to forgive their original murder, and this doesn't include what I think about certain people's actions in Milgram. But, I'm wary that this is going to blow up in our faces. An amendment to "All Innocent" would be "Sacrifice One or Two of the Guiltiest to Sate Milgram's Need for Justice," but that just sounds immensely cruel and will probably also blow up in our faces. I think we're damned if we do and damned if we don't, so we might as well vote "All Innocent" and pray for the best. I think it's the kindest option, so I think I want to go for it too.

My biggest worry is what will happen when the third trial is over. My final song agenda has changed from something hopeful to something more grim. The final song will most likely include Es making a choice, and I'm hoping that it's going to be a rejection of their role in response to what Milgram plans to do with the prisoners once Trial Three finishes. I think that it will involve killing the prisoners, though I'm not know if all prisoners who have been voted Guilty at least once will be targeted, or if it will be anyone who receives a Guilty verdict during this Third Trial. I don't have any basis for this, "Milgram Death Penalty Ending," but I've been thinking about Es's role after I had finally finished my Mikoto post. I think that Yamanaka has been setting Es up to make a serious decision over whether they will side with Milgram or with the prisoners. Throughout the past two trials, the prisoners have called out Es for their role in Milgram. While Es has pushed back on their criticism, most of their denial sounds weak, and it's clearly an attempt by Es to keep their conscience clean. Es believes that someone in their position should be right and just, and like Fuuta and Kotoko, Es wants to be seen as a hero, or at the very least, the good guy in this scenario, by removing themself from the prisoners' actions. Maintaining this degree of separation will fail Es once they learn of the three prisoners' deaths, and I think that this will impact Es's upcoming choice.

Es's third trial sprite shows them discarding their warden's hat and cap, as well as their gloves and key necklace (which I thought was the cord that kept their cloak on their shoulders). This gives me hope that they will waver and align themself with the prisoners. I'd like to believe in Es, because screw it, I like to believe that individuals will do the right thing, even though humanity can be an absolute cesspool of callous viruses, so I can get up and face the day. As seen when Es interrogates Haruka, Fuuta, and Amane, Es can be a petty, hypocritical bully when they are at their worst. But Es also has a moral code, a heart, and a belief that they need to see their responsibilities through to the end, so I'm hoping the good in them motivates them to side with the prisoners if Milgram forces Es to choose a side.

Throughout Milgram, there has been an emphasis on obtaining information through direct and indirect means. Jackalope has dangled a number of questions over Es's head (and ours as well) about what will happen next, only to smugly assure Es that those worries are not for the guard to concern themself with. We should just focus on the crime at hand and the judgment we think it should receive. Except, the reveal of Trial 2 pretty much drilled into us that nothing we do is in a vacuum, and we will see ripple effects that we didn't even think would happen. As we move into the third trial, I think Kazui's words from his first voice drama will come back to haunt us, "In other words, we're divided into positions of guard and prisoner, but we're both playing roles due to our lack of information."

The third trial songs are probably going to feature the most violent, selfish, and/or cruelest versions of the prisoners. Using our responses to what happened between Trials 1 and 2, Yamanaka and his team know about the fandom's attachment to their characters, and they are probably going to try to override the desire to shield the prisoners from further harm with the idea of, "Are these really the people you want to save? Do they even deserve it?" We are in for hell, and I am ready.

Innocent for all, I think. Sorry, this turned into a bit of an Es ramble. But it was awesome to hear your thoughts, anon!

#anon ask #gimme rambles #milgram #milgram es #amane momose #haruka sakurai #fuuta kajiyama #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #muu kusunoki

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atom-system · 6 hours ago

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Hii! What is a system?? /genq

I've been often seeing this term but I don't fully know what it means, I suppose it has something to do with multiple personalities but I don't wanna jump to conclusions and end up accidentally making people uncomfortable, so if you could explain with details I'd appreciate it ^^

hi! Glad you asked

You're on the right track there with "multiple personalities" but it's a bit more than that.

Important note!

We are not professionals, we know little outside of our own experience. If someone sees this and knows we are sharing misinformation, please correct us!

Systems, in their simplest definition, are when someone has multiple beings [ headmates, alters, whatever they call them ] that inhabit one body.

There is a ton of variation as being plural [ being part of a system/are a system ] is a very diverse condition.

This will likely get long so more info will be put under the cut. If you need any more clarification we are more than willing to provide information.

There's a lot of different types of plurality.

While it's a bit of a controversial opinion [ even though we believe it's entirely true ] there are non-disordered, disordered, non-traumagenic/endogenic, traumagenic, and many other subcategories.

Keep in mind that our syscourse stance will change the type of info we add here. Anti-endos are allowed to use this post for information if they want to but please remember we are traumaendo. And we ask that hate isn't directed at us on this post [ or in general ].

Lets start with:

Disordered traumagenic plurality

I do not know much about this being we are not one. Disordered traumagenic plurality is something that can actually be diagnosed since it is disordered. DID, OSDD, and other disorders can be defined with these labels. Traumagenic refers to how a system has formed by trauma. Trauma is inherently a very complicated topic. Many different situations causing trauma and certain traumatizing experiences nobeing validated as trauma male it this way.

Non-disordered traumagenic plurality

This kind of plurality could be caused by healing from disordered plurality [ losing the symptoms that makes a system disordered ] or not having enough symptoms to consider themselves disordered. Despite it not being disordered it is still just as valid, as are any other types of plurality.

Non-traumagenic/Endogenic plurality

"Endogenic" is a blanket term for any system that formed. Meaning there are many subcategories within the term. It's so diverse that I would suggest doing your own research on specific terms if you want to.

Resources

-PluralPedia. Very helpful, helps with many terms!

-r/plural, r/pluralsystems, r/plural_irl (memes and community), r/pluralmemes (on Reddit), r/DIDinclusivity

-the multiplicity wiki on fandom

-simply plural resource page

[ ^ edited, from @ plural-dictionary ]

[ ^ posts/websites proving endogenic plurality if I remember correctly ]

These sources will be/lean pro endo as that is our stance. You are allowed to do whatever other research you find necessary though.

[ ^ some of our own posts explaining our experience ]

We hope this helped!

#-apricot #//atom system//#pro endo #plural resources #endo system #endogenic plurality #endo #Asks from somewhere #endogenic #endo friendly #endo safe #Long post #tw long post #endogenic system #plural community #plural system #plurality #plural #info post

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ancha-aus · 3 days ago

Text

Bitty Surprise - Chapter 1 - Pov Cross

Hello! What is this? This is something I normally only do on my AO3. My normal uplaod day is Sunday over there and I try to upload a chapter of a completed series every Sunday.

The thing is. This one is a short one and I figured everyone here could also appreciate the bitties. So I am cross posting.

The link to the AO3 story is Here.

Enjoy the bitty madness :)

---

Summary:

With the truce in place Killer, Cross and Nightmare are free to travel around the multiverse. They never expected to come across some Bitties who proceeded to steal their souls. They hope they at least did the same in return.

*---------------------------*

Cross can honestly say he is happy with the truce.

And no Killer that has nothing to do with the fact that they now are included in the council meetings and that Dream has been talking to him again.

Cross can admit it is nice to be able to try and repair his friendship with Dream but the eye brow wiggles from Killer has to stop.

Seriously, they are skeletons how does he even do it?

Cross just loves the fact that they can now actually go to neutral universes for their shopping without having to worry that someone is going to act weird.

Well they still act weird but now they can’t refuse service as easily or raise the prices because the Stars will be mad at them.

At the moment Killer and him are doing some grocery shopping. They had found this new neutral universe and it is perfect!

The monsters were never locked underground. They are chill about skeletons. They hadn’t even met the ‘main cast’ just yet! It is a large enough universe and world that they just, hadn’t ran into their own alternative and honestly it is a nice change of pace. Cross is getting tired of always having to explain that ‘yes technically he is Sans’ and ‘No they aren’t the same person because environment and nurture affects how a person shapes,’ and ‘It is more like having the same name and coming from two different countries.’. Cross can’t even count all the times people in universes have gotten weird about their own universe version of him after meeting any of the universe travellers.

Either way he is getting off topic.

The shops are all up to date and modern and have a large amount of styles.

Hell! Even boss had been treated neutrally here!

Instead of the fear and distrusting glares shot his way, this universe had been kept completely out of the loop! Which means they just see Nightmare as just another monster. Hell at most someone asked Nightmare if he was part slime monster.

Cross had managed to keep it together but Killer had wheezed and fallen over laughing.

Cross is also unsure how Nightmare had managed to keep a straight face before giving a charming smile and telling them that he got that a lot, but that it was just an expression of magic which caused the form. The monsters who had asked had quickly apologised for being rude. Nightmare however had just continued to smile and reassured the other that it had been alright as they hadn’t meant it as rude or negative but from a place of interest and respect.

Cross sometimes wonders if the war could have been over quicker if Nightmare had used his charms instead of the intimidation strategy but he isn’t going to finish that thought.

Either way it means that Killer and Cross have been doing most of their shopping in this universe and they tended to go to the same city, mostly because they knew the way at this point and where to get the best deals.

The truce did mean they didn’t have as much… disposable income anymore. No longer going on raids cuts back a lot in your pocket money.

It isn’t as if they have issues, Nightmare is a great boss and doesn’t let them have issues like that. It just means that now they actually have to pay for everything they want and that makes them more aware of prices again.

And honestly it is worth it as Cross can just enjoy spending time with Killer and Nightmare both without someone attacking them. It gives Cross time to really enjoy the experience and their company-

A snort and Cross looks over before biting down hard to stop himself from laughing “Killer.”

Killer grins as he leans against a doorway of a random shop, a large pink feathery boa around his neck and even bigger and brighter orange sunglasses on his skull.

“Killer? You must be mistaken! I am the fabulous Killster!! The real diva of the land!”

Cross knows he is going to lose this fight, especially with some kids nearby giggling before rushing back to their parents.

Cross rolls his eye lights as he turns away and starts walking “I am leaving you! And I am not going to get those snacks you want! Or maybe I will just get the wrong ones on accident! You are soooooo picky about them!”

“Hey! You don’t mess with the Crunchables!”

Cross snorts as Killer joins his side again, sans boa and sunglasses. Hah, sans, Cross may actually get better at this punning thing.

Cross looks around and realises he walked into another street parallel to the one holding the store they had been going to. Oh well, the long way it is. It is sunny anyway and a nice day to enjoy it.

Killer catches up and huffs “You are no fun.”

Cross answers with a deadpan voice “Of course not. They don’t train humour in the army.”

Killer snorts “Explains why XGaster was such a tool.”

Cross laughs and nods. It used to hurt, thinking about his past world. But he has made peace with his loss. He has a new home now with Nightmare and Killer and he is happy.

He knows that the Stars invited him to live with them after the truce had been made but… Cross hadn’t wanted it. He had wanted to just remain with Killer and Nightmare. Cross had found a certain peace in the silent and isolated castle. A happiness with being near Nightmare and Killer.

Cross could still remember how so many had come to him. Asking him if he had been okay, if he was sure about this decision, if he was being threatened.

Funny.

How even with a truce in place and Nightmare keeping his word to the dot people still mistrusted him.

Cross remembers how he had asked Killer about it. Why everyone still looked at them in that way. While they hadn’t with Cross. Even with Cross having been the reason half the multiverse had gotten into a war and XGaster had gotten out. Killer had snorted and looked so amused as he explained “You look like a hero. You behave like people expect a hero to be. Of course you are forgiven.”

Cross hadn’t liked it at all. Because it had been Nightmare who had even figured out that Cross hadn’t been in full control of himself. Nightmare had been the one who managed to at first lock XGaster out, then later lock XChara away and later remove them completely. Making it so that Cross was truly free to be himself again.

Yet everyone acted as if it had been the Stars. All while Ink had had a direct hand in bringing XGaster back and giving him his overwrite power back.

So Cross now just ignored most people and much preferred his own home. Where people didn’t question how he felt or thought the whole time. Where he had his new family.

Killer nudges him “Hello~ Crossy boy~ time to wake up again~” and he stares at him with those dark sockets “You good…” he glances to the side and kicks a rock “Didn’t meant to… like… trigger stuff I guess.”

Cross snorts and bumps their shoulders together “Nah, just my own mind wandering.” He looks around for a distraction when he feels himself freeze.

Oh.

My.

God.

That is.

He grabs blindly and tugs hard. Killer makes a choking sound “Cross!”

Cross just keeps tugging “Kills. Kills you need to see this. Kills. This day just became amazing.”

Killer grumbles but Cross feels him freeze under his hold “Holy shit… is that a…”

“Bitty store.”

They share a look and rush over to the store.

Only to pause by the window.

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god they are so tiny!” Killer jumps in place as he has both his hands on the window as he stares at the tiny monsters.

Cross can’t actually recognise these monsters. Normally the bitty stores seem to specialise in monster types and have all kinds of bitty versions of other multiverse goers.

This seem like… just bitties. Just really tiny cute little things. Cross feels his soul melt at the sight of a tiny tiny lion like monster yawning before rolling up. A tiny shirt and pants on and all kinds of plushies around it as the bitty hugs one of them close.

Cross’s skull is turned back around and Killer stares at him with the most serious look Cross has ever seen on his face “Cross. If I don’t go in there and hold at least one bitty I will fucking die.”

Cross blinks before remembering. Bitty universes tended to not allow anyone access and least of all them. Saying it is too much of a risk to have any bitty of either the Stars or the Crescents given out. At least the Stars weren’t allowed versions of them either.

But these… these didn’t look like versions he had seen before…

Cross grins widely “You wouldn’t be able to stop me from holding one.” And he ducks under Killer’s arms and enters the shop.

A pleasant little bell rings out as Cross lets his eyes go around the store. It is chaos and overfull and should be overwhelming but it is beautiful and Cross never wants to leave.

The walls are covered with shelves and even more shelves all filled with all types of colourful items, tools, tiny house expansions. All for bitties. There is a bookshelf by the cash register that holds books all about bitty care.

But most importantly. To the other side by the window, which is cracked open to let some fresh air in. Are the bitty containers.

“Oh shit.” And Killer rushes straight there and falls to his knees to be on eye level with some of the glass containers as he coos that the miniature monsters.

Cross rushes to his side and just stares in awe.

He is unsure how long they just stare until they hear someone laugh softly behind them.

“I take you never saw a bitty before?”

Cross turns around and sees a ram monster behind him. Cross feels slightly embarrassed as he looks back at Killer, who has yet to stop staring at the bitties, before he looks back “We… we euh… We know of them of course. We just never had the chance to… see them ourselves.”

The ram laughs as they look at Killer who has actual hearts in his sockets as he stares at two tiny bitties starting to interact.

The ram looks back at him and grins “If you want you two can hold some of them.”

That shakes Killer out of his staring as he looks up in awe at the ram “We can!? But I thought… They bonded quickly and stuff?”

The ram huffs “Only when not treated right.” they look apologetic “I am sorry. I just know that a lot of people keep those poor bitties isolated. Makes them more likely to quickly bond to a new owner. But that is cruel. The little guys are happiest and healthiest if they can interact with one another and form a bond or two with fellow bitties.”

Cross nods along “I never heard that before but it makes a lot of sense.”

Killer nods “Yeah! Cats have it too! Cats bond with fellow cats! Which is why it is advised to adopt two or a bonded pair when you adopt a cat. I assume the same counts for bitties?”

The ram smiles brightly “It does! Come! I will show you some of the older bitties, they are more likely to let you hold them in peace and won’t mind it too much.” The ram leads them away from the front and to a larger container, Cross glances down and spots about sixteen bitties.

Killer gasps as he stares “They are so small.”

The ram laughs “Yeah you never get used to it.” they open the container which causes a few of the bitties to look up. The ram smiles “Hey you guys. Any of you okay with letting some new visitors hold you for a bit?”

The bitties share looks before a goat bitty rises and easily walks over to the opening and holding their arms out. The ram lowers their hand and the bitty climbs up themselves.

The ram takes the bitty out and doesn’t even close the container behind them.

Killer has his hands in a cup and the bitty is carefully transferred. Killer just stares in awe and gently pets the bitty. Cross looks nervously at the container “euh… shouldn’t you like… close that?”

The ram hums and looks over his shoulder “Oh no it is fine. Bitties, once comfortable, don’t tend to run away or explore beyond the area they see as home. I mostly keep those closed and locked to make sure customers don’t just remove bitties from their areas without permission.”

Cross nods and feels Killer nudge him with his shoulder “Cross. Cross. You gotta try this man!”

Cross looks at the ram monster and they laugh as they ask for another bitty to volunteer which another bitty answers, a dog monster bitty this time. One transfer later and Cross has an adorable tiny dog monster in his hands. Staring up at him and wagging the tiniest little tail when Cross pets him.

Eventually both bitties seem to have had enough and start to fuss, which the shop keeper sees and they quickly take the two bitties back and put them with the others. In the container one little cat like bitty runs to the goat to check them while three other dog bitties rush the returned dog bitty.

The shop keeper grins “See? Bonded pairs and groups. They are adorable when they snuggle together and sleep.” And they point to one pile of three bitties all sleeping peacefully together in the afternoon sun.

Cross can’t help but coo at the sight. Killer turns to the shopkeeper with a begging look “Can we… hold more?”

The ram laughs but nods as they keep retrieving bitties for them to hold. Cross thinks his favourite is a little cat one who had been nuzzling the tips of his phalanges, even when he got scratched by the little guy.

They spend their whole afternoon in that little shop. Talking to, holding and snuggling tiny bitties. Some are friendlier than others and Cross still isn’t sure just who his favourite is. Maybe the shy little guy that kept hiding his face. Or the sweet bitty who would hug his finger. Or the bitty that bit his phalange as soon as Cross tried to pet them. Oh Cross just can’t decide.

“Oh… my… god!”

Cross blinks away from the tiny sleeping bitty in his hands as he searches for Killer, only to see Killer disappear behind a shelf near the windows.

“Oh are you kidding me! This is the cutest ever! Hey! Sir! Can I please hold this skeleton bitty?”

Oh. My. God.

Cross very carefully returns the bitty he was holding to the right container before running towards where he saw Killer disappear. The moment he gets to Killer he saw what has the other enchanted.

Perfectly at eye level for them. Right by the window near the cracked open side. Is a container with a lone skeleton bitty inside.

The bitty is bigger than the bitties they had seen until now but that mattered very little because it was still a bitty and still not even as big than their own hands.

The little thing is munching on some pieces of fruit and seems completely uninterested in the noise they are making or the fact that Killer is pretty much plastered against the side of their cage. The little thing just munches on their fruit as they look out of the window.

Cross can’t help but notice the caved in skull and how one socket is completely black while the other socket is red with a tiny spot of black. The bitty is wearing this large, for them, jacket with a fluffy hood and some shorts.

The shopkeeper catches up to them and Cross hears them pant “Please no running in the store!”

Killer only turns a tiny bit, his own empty sockets not looking away from the bitty “Can I please hold this one? Oh they are just adorable!”

The ram monster frowns before seeing where Killer is looking and they look apologetic “Oh… euh… I am sorry but no… that little guy isn’t really for holding or anything… Not even really up for adoption for that matter.”

Cross frowns before once again noticing that the little guy is all alone… No other bitties with them. “Where is their bonded bitty?”

The ram sighs as they looks sheepish “Well, the little guy is bonded! It is just… Bitey is… bitey… and he can’t be with other bitties… Mostly because he tends to steal the food from the other bitties and stockpile it.” The ram walks over with some food and very carefully unlocks the actual little gate.

As soon as the lock unlocks the bitty turns around and the large red socket stares at the ram. Cross can see the bitty study both Cross and Killer before dismissing them and staring at the one holding the food.

The ram very slowly moves a hand closer and into the container.

The bitty glares and starts to show their fangs and a low growl starts to leave the tiny thing.

The ram speaks softly “It is okay. I know you are stressed. I am just giving you some food. I won’t take anything from you.” the ram slowly fills the food dish before the hand leaves the cage and the cage is relocked.

The bitty continues to stare at the gate for a bit before slowly rising from its spot and taking a few steps closer. He looks up to check the gate and ends up grabbing the filled dish and pulling it over with him. Back to the spot he had been sitting at. The one closest to the window.

Killer just coos loudly as he stares at the bitty. And Cross gets it. It is so fucking cute.

The ram sighs.

Cross turns to the ram and frowns “So… where is their bonded bitty? Wouldn’t the little guy feel relaxed and happy if his bonded or bondeds are near?”

The ram sighs again as they rub their face “We know! The problem is… we don’t… actually have the other bitty that he bonded with?” They wave at the open window “There is a bitty somewhere here in town… just going around in the alleyways… we don’t know who they are or how they are, they were not originally from this store to begin with!” they sigh and look sadly at the skeleton bitty “We would… like to let this little guy go to reunite with his buddy but… well… the skull, as you no doubt know better than anyone… it needs constant treatment…” they sigh sadly.

Killer frowns “Why not catch the other little guy?”

The ram chuckles “Oh we tried. We tried everything but the little guy is smart and slippery and… well… the last time we tried to catch him he made a run for it and we didn’t see him for five weeks.”

Cross feels himself freeze. Five weeks? From what he understood not being near their bonded for a few days was already rough for the bitties…

The shopkeeper sighs “This little guy was beside himself. Whining and staring out of the window. Trying to escape multiple times. Not even eating his own food and just stockpiling it all. We were so worried. When the other guy came by for a visit again we just… we decided it was for the better to just leave them an easy way to interact.” And they wave at the open window.

Killer frowns “What about cats? I thought cats hunt bitties?”

Cross feels his soul speed up with panic. There is a tiny bitty all alone outside and there are cats and what if those cats get the little guy and-

The ram holds up their hands “No! Well… yeah… But we have yet to see a cat try to get in but we have security cameras. Bitey’s friend tends to only come when there is no one in the shop at night.” they nod towards the cage where the little bitty has been sorting the food and between moving it he keeps looking up at the window, as if waiting.

Waiting for his equally tiny friend.

The ram smiles as they point back to the other bitties “Either way, this bitty isn’t for sale or adoptable. Want to look at the other bitties again? There are many more in all shapes and forms!”

Killer looks back at the tiny skeleton “Fine I guess…” he stares for a moment longer before going back to the other bitties.

They spend a while longer holding the other bitties in the store. But Cross knows his soul isn’t in it. He can’t help but keep thinking about a tiny bitty outside. All alone and having to take care of himself. About the tiny bitty who is alone in a cage, hoping for his one friend and family to come back for him, while all the other bitties dislike him. Cross is reminded of the empty space he had been, all alone. He is reminded of Killer who had been in his own dead AU for a long time. About Nightmare, who no one seemed willing to try and understand or even bother to talk to, to try and understand why he did what he had to.

Killer and him end up leaving the store in silence as they continue their track to the grocery store. They are lucky it is still open and they quickly grab the things they need. Neither of them say anything as they collect the things they need and pay.

They don’t bother to explore the streets anymore after getting the stuff they needed and Cross uses his, well it used to be XChara’s but now it is his, knife to cut a doorway for them.

They step through and Cross feels himself relax.

Home sweet home.

Hah!

Strange how before it was just a place of work but now it is his home.

Killer had called it Nightmare’s hideout once. But Cross likes to think it is more than just that now. It is their hideout, their home. A place where the multiverse can’t get to them and they can just be. A place perfectly safe with nothing that can hurt them anywhere near.

Honestly it would be the perfect place to have two tiny bitties run around, nothing would hurt them as they explore-

Cross shakes his skull and goes straight to the kitchen after entering the castle. He opens the bag and starts putting things away. Killer looks into the bags and takes out some frozen pizzas which he puts in the oven.

They are quiet as they clean up and wait for the timer to run out.

“You two are oddly quiet.”

Cross looks up as Killer grins “Sup boss!”

Nightmare rolls his eyes as he looks unimpressed “Not much of a boss anymore. Why do both of you feel disheartened? I thought you two were going to one of the universes that we had already called clean?” he frowns.

Cross feels touched by the worry as he shrugs “We did! We went to the usual place.”

Nightmare’s frown doesn’t disappear “That doesn’t explain your emotions.” he looks between the two of them.

Killer huffs as he leans on the counter with crossed arms “We were just walking through town and- Wait! Nightmare!” Killer stands upright with a large grin “They have a bitty shop in that universe!”

Nightmare blinks and looks surprised “But it is a neutral universe…”

That is when Cross remembers. Cross himself and Killer may have had the chance to see bitties once or twice from a distance… but Nightmare wouldn’t have had the chance, ever. As Nightmare at first hadn’t been able to enter positive universes and later it was just too much of a risk as he would be weaker and the Stars stronger.

Killer seems to have thought of the same conclusion as he grins widely “Mare you need to come with us next time! There were so many bitties! They were all so cute and were so well behaved but not afraid or anything and it was all clean and well taken care of!” and Killer starts explaining with wide gestures what they saw and how they held some bitties.

Cross keeps an eye on the oven and by the time Killer winds down talking the pizzas are ready for them. They all get their own and get comfortable at the table to eat their dinner.

Killer grins widely “Oh and Nightmare! They had a skeleton bitty! Not any other multiverse goer or anything! The little guy was straight up just his own person! He was cute and was just hoarding food and such a big little guy!”

Nightmare chuckles as he eats a piece “If this whole conversation is just a windup to ask if you can adopt a bitty you could have started with that.” He eats another bite.

Killer’s grin falls and he sighs “Not like it is possible… little guy isn’t up for adoption.”

Nightmare frowns “Why not?”

Killer just stares sadly at his plate and Cross speaks up “Well, bitties bond to other bitties for like stability and mental health and stuff. Well the little skeleton guy does have a bitty he is bonded to, but that bitty isn’t actually in the shop but a wild bitty.”

Nightmare stops and frowns at them “I thought bitties couldn’t live in the wild?”

Killer pouts as he lays on the table on crossed arms “They normally can’t… guess it is just a very crafty bitty.”

Cross thinks “I think there are some AUs where they can but that are the special cases. In general they can’t…” he sighs as he pushes at his pizza “We are just worried about the two little guys…”

Nightmare looks at them thoughtfully before nodding “I see. And while adopting isn’t possible you could always visit him and sponsor him.” and he eats.

Killer shoots up and stares in shock “What?”

Nightmare pauses as he looks unimpressed “You can visit the bitty still. Not to forget you may be able to make a deal with the shop that you at least adopt him in name. That way you can still spoil him but the shopkeeper will be able to make sure everything is still fine. In some places it is called sponsoring.”

Cross blinks confused “That is a thing?”

Nightmare nods “It is often done with endangered species, at least in quite a few universes. It makes the people feel more involved and attached to them. Maybe you can make a deal with the store and work something out?” and he turns back to his pizza.

Killer jumps up “Yes! We can totally do that! Oh! And tomorrow we can show you where the store is! That was you can also see the bitty!”

Nightmare chuckles “It is fine Killer.”

Killer pouts “Come on boss, it will be fun!”

Nightmare sighs as he shoots Killer a look “I thought we already agreed I am not technically your boss anymore. At most I am your landlord.”

Cross snorts “Being a landlord implies we are paying you, which we aren’t.”

Killer nods “In matter of fact you still pay us.”

Nightmare sighs but Cross can spot a small smile on the other’s face.

Cross smiles as he turns to his own food and finally eats dinner.

"… Hey."

“Bunny.”

“Who were that?”

“… Don’t know. Left quickly.”

“Okay… stay safe?”

“I am fine bunny.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

#utmv #BittySurprise #nightmare sans #dust sans #killer sans #cross sans #horror sans #Bad Sans poly in the making!!#start focus on HorrorDust and Krossmare #Also yes. This does imply that HorrorTale and DustTale DON'T Exist.#Have fun you nice people and let me know what you think of it!#or think will happen :3

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not-glorfindel-stop-asking · 2 days ago

Note

Hi Lindir! May I just say you are a lovely elf? Seriously. I love your hairstyle. 😁

I have a few quick questions for you. You’re Elrond’s aide, right? So you probably know him pretty well.

How does he deal with…ah, ✨trauma✨ associated with the War(s)? Is he a “pretend everything is fine until I collapse” kind of person, or is he more the “vent to plants” kind of guy, or is he something else?

Also, does he have any funny quirks or traits from his upbringing with Maglor and Maedhros? If so, ho do you as his aide deal with that?

Sorry, this turned into a full-blown interview without my consent, I hope I’m not intruding.

(Also, I love your music. It’s beautiful! 😊)

Ah! A Person of Excellent Taste! 🎻✨

First and foremost, let me say—you are clearly a being of remarkable discernment and wisdom. To recognize both my loveliness and my impeccable musical talents? A rare gift indeed! I shall allow you to stay in my good graces. 😌

Now, to your questions!

Elrond and His… Coping Methods (Extended Edition).

Oh, my dear friend. You ask how Lord Elrond deals with trauma? The answer is simple: he doesn’t. Or rather, he does, but only in the deeply concerning way that is common to all elves of his particular… let’s call it heritage. You see, he is not merely a “pretend everything is fine until I collapse” type. Nor is he quite a “vent to plants” sort of elf (though I have caught him speaking to his garden before—he denies this, but I have witnesses). No, no. Lord Elrond is of the “I shall work myself into an early grave and if anyone asks how I am, I shall simply say, ‘Do not concern yourself’ in a tone that makes everyone more concerned” persuasion.

Truly, it is an art form. I have seen him go three full days without rest because he was “perfectly fine” only to suddenly remember that sleep exists, disappear into his chambers, and not reemerge until someone (me) starts leaving food outside his door like some kind of domestic animal we are attempting to befriend. 😒 And you would think this would be enough—this tragic pattern of overworking, collapsing, and being forcibly fed—but no! He does not stop there!

Elrond’s secondary method of not coping is getting stuck in endless conversations as a highly advanced method of avoidance. Let me explain. Imagine you are in Imladris, and you see Lord Elrond standing in the Hall of Fire, listening to someone speak about, let us say, the intricate textile patterns of the Second Age. You might think, Ah, how kind of him to entertain such a topic! But NO. NO, MY FRIEND. THIS IS A TRAP OF HIS OWN MAKING. Because you see, Elrond knows that if he stands still long enough, being his usual grave and wise self, people will just… keep talking at him. And this, this endless cycle of listening to other people's woes and research and philosophical debates about river currents, is his preferred way of avoiding his own emotions.

And sometimes, sometimes, I have had to take matters into my own hands. There was one particular incident—one which shall haunt me forever—where I found him locked in an excruciatingly detailed conversation about the migratory habits of birds in Beleriand (which do not exist anymore, might I add, because Beleriand sank). The scholar had been speaking for what I later learned was four hours. FOUR HOURS. And Elrond, instead of making his usual graceful escape, was simply nodding and humming thoughtfully as though he was not actively perishing inside.

So I did what any sane elf would do. I called for reinforcements.

And not just any reinforcements. I, Lindir, long-suffering aide of Imladris, made the decision to summon Haldir.

Now, you must understand something. Haldir of Lórien is not merely competent—he is a walking, talking example of what happens when an elf is both absurdly skilled and absurdly pretty. Painfully pretty. Distractingly pretty. His hair has been described in full poetic stanzas. He walks through a room, and people forget why they were speaking. He has, and I say this with all the professionalism of my station, Presence™. Glorfindel WISHES he had Haldir's presence.

Anyway.

So naturally, I turned to him in my moment of desperation and said, “Haldir, please, if you could possibly bring the Lady of Light herself, it might be our only hope.”

And do you know what he did? Do you know what he did?

He smirked. He smirked in a way that made me deeply uneasy, nodded, and within the hour, I kid you not, Galadriel herself was stepping into the hall.

And only then did Elrond snap out of it.

Only then, as the actual Lady of Light entered with all the quiet authority of someone who can read your soul, did he remember that he was meant to be resting and eating and not standing in the same spot for hours contemplating extinct birds.

So you see, dear friend, this is the plight of those who serve Elrond. It is not simply a matter of logistics and diplomacy—it is a full-time job of interventions. And I? I am simply doing my duty. 😤

His Feanorian Upbringing (Oh No).

Ah, yes. You see, Imladris is a refined and well-ordered place. It is a haven of wisdom, learning, and restraint. And yet—yet—every once in a while, like a curse written into the very marrow of his being, the Fëanorian in Lord Elrond emerges. He does not mean for it to happen. He does not plan for it to happen. And yet, like a badly placed dramatic monologue in the middle of a tense diplomatic gathering, it happens.

For example:

The Cooking Incident. 🍳🔥

Elrond does not cook. He thinks he can, but I assure you, he cannot. Every once in a while, the spirit of Maedhros, the “I can make my own meals, thank you very much” energy, takes hold of him, and he ventures into the kitchens to create what I can only describe as culinary disasters.

The staff still speaks in hushed voices about The Bread That Was Also A Weapon.

It started as a seemingly innocent evening—Elrond, in one of his rare attempts to relax, declared that he would make something himself. This was mistake number one. Mistake number two was letting him attempt it unsupervised. I do not know how or why, but by the end of the night, the kitchen was filled with a smoke so thick that I feared Imladris itself was under siege. The resulting loaf of bread? Hard enough to be classified as a blunt weapon. It was tested. (By Glorfindel, who insisted on using it in a sparring match. I still hear the echo of the clang when it struck his shield.)

To this day, the head cook has forbidden Elrond from stepping foot in the kitchens unless it is to drink tea or observe from a safe distance.

Hoarding Sentimentality. 🏺📜

Maglor was many things—musician, war criminal, dramatic nuisance—but above all, he was an elven mother hen. I suspect Lord Elrond picked up some of his habits.

I once tried to reorganize a cabinet of historically significant objects and was met with a sudden, dramatic “LINDIR, THAT IS FROM WHEN I WAS A CHILD” over what I can only describe as a very unimpressive rock.

A rock.

Not a jewel. Not a relic. Not a piece of fine dwarven craftsmanship. A rock. Apparently, it was gifted to him by someone Fëanorian (he would not say who, which narrows it down to approximately eight deeply traumatized options), and therefore it was deeply meaningful. He then held it for several long moments, staring at it like it contained the wisdom of ages, before very carefully putting it back in its exact place. I have not touched it since.

And this is not an isolated incident. Elrond has scrolls from when he was learning to write, which he keeps as if they were sacred texts. He once spent half an hour gently dusting a cracked cup because it was from a meal Maglor made centuries ago. The man hoards emotions.

That One Time He Sang a Fëanorian Battle Song in the Middle of a Diplomatic Gathering. 🎶⚔️

Oh yes. It happened. I watched.

It was a very polite gathering—dignitaries from Lórien and Mirkwood, ambassadors from the Dúnedain, discussions of alliances, trade, the usual. And somewhere, in the midst of it, Elrond, deep in thought, hummed.

Then he muttered a line.

And before I could intervene, before I could stop the tragedy unfolding, he was singing.

A full-blooded, deeply emotional, Fëanorian battle song.

In the middle of a diplomatic gathering.

Now, for those of you unfamiliar with Fëanorian battle songs, let me explain: they are not gentle. They are not pleasant background music. They are aggressive, deeply dramatic, and usually involve some combination of oaths, fire, vengeance, and doom.

The look on Glorfindel’s face was priceless. Somewhere between deep, painful secondhand embarrassment and abject horror. Lord Celeborn simply sighed as if this was a burden he had carried for centuries. The room fell silent as everyone realized what they were hearing.

And then—then—Elrond realized.

He froze. He blinked as if waking from a trance. And then, in true diplomatic fashion, he cleared his throat and said, “My apologies. I seem to have… recalled an old tune.”

As if he had not just invoked the spirits of his very, very cursed ancestors in the middle of a political meeting.

Other Incidents That Have Occurred Because Elrond Was Raised By Fëanorians:

Once instinctively caught a falling knife by the blade and did not react until he saw the horror on my face. “Oh, I suppose that was dangerous,” he said. Sir.

Drinks tea like he is brooding over a dark and terrible fate. Even when it is just chamomile.

Can play the harp beautifully. Can also tune it with unsettling speed and accuracy, which implies past experience in repairing harps under extreme stress.

Once absentmindedly braided his hair in a very distinct Fëanorian pattern. I commented on it. He immediately undid it and did not respond.

Listens to music like he expects it to betray him.

Absolutely terrifying when angry. He does not yell. He simply goes quiet in a way that makes even Glorfindel rethink his life choices.

“We do not speak of the Silmarils in this house” has been said out loud.

And there you have it. Lord Elrond Peredhel, the refined and noble Lord of Rivendell, is one inconvenient memory away from dramatically throwing his cloak over his shoulder and riding off to avenge something. And it is my job—my sacred duty—to keep that from happening. 😤

Ah, my dear and inquisitive friend, you ask how I, Lindir, the long-suffering and ever-dutiful aide to Lord Elrond, cope with the Fëanorian madness that occasionally seeps into his otherwise dignified existence?

The answer is simple: I manage him.

Oh, do not mistake me—I do not control him. One does not control Lord Elrond, any more than one controls the rise of the sun or the passage of time (though I do suspect he sometimes believes he can bend time itself in order to finish just one more document before sleeping). No, no. I guide him. I act as the silent, invisible force preventing him from accidentally invoking the spirit of his forefathers at diplomatic banquets. It is an art, a science, and—let’s be honest—a thankless job.

The Art of Managing Lord Elrond (A Tragedy in Several Acts)

🎭 Act I: The Kitchen Disaster Prevention Initiative – My first and most sacred duty is ensuring that Lord Elrond does not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen with intent to cook. If he so much as glances at an apron, I materialize out of nowhere like a vengeful spirit and ask, ever so politely, if he wouldn’t rather rest. Or read. Or lead a council of great import. Or literally anything else that does not result in another Bread Incident. (The kitchen staff still eyes him with fear. One nearly fled when he attempted to chop vegetables last year. I do not blame them.)

📜 Act II: Nodding Sagely At Questionable Sentimentalism – I have perfected the art of the Neutral Yet Understanding Nod. It is my greatest weapon against Elrond’s utterly ridiculous tendency to hoard objects of Deep And Mysterious Significance. I have nodded gravely at twigs, feathers, rocks, and a spoon of unknown origin because they were somehow, inexplicably, tied to an important memory from his childhood. Do I question it? No. I simply nod, exhale through my nose, and move on. Because the moment I say “My lord… it is just a rock.” is the moment I will be subjected to a dramatic and impassioned monologue about its historical and emotional significance. I do not have time for that.

😑 Act III: The Preemptive Sigh – If you have ever seen a caregiver of small, energetic children sense disaster before it happens, then you understand the depth of my suffering. The moment I see That Look™ in Elrond’s eye—that faraway, brooding stare that suggests he is about to do something concerning, I sigh. I sigh preemptively. This does not stop the inevitable nonsense from occurring, but it does allow me to prepare myself emotionally. If I am lucky, my sigh is loud enough that he hears it, realizes I have already anticipated his foolishness, and begrudgingly rethinks his life choices.

✨ Act IV: The Haldir Gambit – There have been occasions (more than I care to admit) when the situation was beyond my abilities and required higher intervention. Such as The Time Elrond Refused To Rest For Four Days And Started Reciting Ancient Texts That Didn’t Exist. My solution? Summon Haldir.

Now, Haldir is a very capable, respectable, and mildly terrifying individual, and I have found that he is one of the few people whom Elrond cannot easily brush off. When I see that my efforts are failing, I find Haldir, compliment him profusely (he thrives on it, honestly), and then very casually mention that Lord Elrond is, perhaps, in need of… persuasion. If I am truly desperate, I escalate matters.

Yes, that’s right.

I summon the Lady of Light herself.

Do you think Elrond Peredhel, the Lord of Rivendell, the great loremaster and master of diplomacy, can withstand the utterly disappointed gaze of Lady Galadriel?

He cannot.

And that, my dear, is how you win.

Your Reward for Surviving This Tirade: One (1) Additional Compliment

Now! You have endured my words most bravely. For this, I grant you one (1) additional compliment. You have excellent curiosity. Truly, it is a marvel. Lord Elrond himself would approve—nay, he would admire such a trait. (Or, at the very least, he would pretend not to notice how much he enjoyed answering these exact questions over tea later.)

Well done. I shall compose a song in your honor. (It may or may not be about the dangers of elven kitchen disasters. We shall see.)

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luciusdaskel · 2 days ago

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OMG??? An in-depth analysis sprouted from my in-depth analysis??? Gah???? I never caught on to the whole "good kid" side of it! Thank you for bringing it up!! Actually thinking on it now, it makes so so much sense. Not only that, I think other villains (specifically LBD) knew or guessed about that trigger. I recall LBD using MK's need to be good (driven from Macaque's grooming) against him, so he'd be manipulated ON BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN. And you're right, the past 9 eps and special never once really praised MK, unlike Macaque. I have seen, and full heartedly believe, a theory that Wukong was groomed by Azure Lion as well. We don't see much but that would explain Wukong's emotional distance/lack of complements and lack of touching support, something Macaque used against the two of them. But that's a separate theory altogether.

I fully understand MK's insatiable thirst to be a good person, even it it kills him. No clue if I had a Macaque in my life but I fully get where MK is at through the show. At first just wanting to do it for fun and possibly even just for the glory then it devolves into a need not a want. When you don't get that praise then it becomes a dark hole that only gets bigger until it swallows you whole. Which it nearly did for MK.

Side note, the part of being numb to the grooming could also just be a side effect of the original grooming BUT also possibly a negative from Redson being a villain turned friend. I mean... think about it, you want NEED to be good and also there was a crisis. If he doesn't help Redson, the world could be taken over and or his home city is gone, but if he does help Redson then he could risk being hurt like he was with Macaque but there's a chance that Redson actually means well and therefore if my first enemy can be good and like me then maybe I can be good enough for that other enemy too?? This type of spiral can be subconscious, even if consciously the person says they don't want that person in their life, that abuser still created a irreparable hole. Especially when this void literally only appeared likely a week in advance.

I'm not saying that "Oh Redson being redeemed is bad for MK" but what I'm saying is that without anyone actually adressing Mac's grooming from then, it lead MK into a possible negative side effect that made him hopeful or numb to Macaque's grooming. I'm just trying to see it purely from MK's eyes with the lens of him being groomed. Hm... maybe I should analyze Shadow Play and season 3's Macaque episode. I wonder what nuggets I could gather from season 4... I mean by that point MK out right calls out Macaque for being him feel like shit because of his lessons. Which is valid and really is true when you consider 99% of MK's self-esteem and identity issues really started because of Macaque.

Getting a bit personal here, I am currently in my own emotional hole where I crave someone's validation. Validation I will never get and that hurts and only makes me crave it more by the day, even as I scream again and again that I hate him and I do NOT want him. It hurts, a lot, and I can recognize the effects and what it's doing. The reason I got into psychology is to help people, because if I help people then I feel better with this black hole inside of me. I will do whatever it takes to help someone even if it hurt the ones I do care about and even ruin my own health.

I believe it's called a savior complex and it sucks. So I know exactly how MK feels in the show and not really in the best ways either lol- Not meant to be a vent but just showing my own feelings to express MK's feelings. If that makes sense-

Also LMK rewrite project??? Sign me up!!! Let me know if you'd like help or not, I love being able to help with things and or gathering information or ideas to add to the table!

I didn't hold back here because I didn't know I even could hold back lmao- I just saw it and knew I had to share everything. Sorry for the ramble, I just love your analysis on top of mine!

Macaque Episode Analysis ramble

So I was talking with a friend about the possible psychological and therapeutic take aways from each episode of Lego Monkie Kid, since I love Psychology as a whole, and came to a conclusion. Macaque's episode has a fuck ton of things to analyze. Such as - Not every role model you meet will be a good person Trust your teachers Don't push yourself too hard otherwise you'll get hurt, manipulated and possibly die (let's be real, Macaque would've killed MK if Wukong didn't step in) And, grooming They will all be covered as I explain the episode in depth. When MK first meets Macaque he thought he was Wukong but even after Macaque declines, MK still had stars in his eyes of pure admiration. He clearly looks up to Macaque since he was just as cool if not cooler than Monkey King. Within the very next second Macaque started the process of grooming, after a tiny test to see how strong MK's admiration was. "[...] I thought uh Monkey King was training you. [...] but you can never have too many teachers, I'm sure Monkey King would agree. [...]"

Then Macaque starts to train MK. This shows the duality of Wukong's more MK's current strength and capabilities training versus Macaque's more destructive and dehumanizing training. With Wukong's "Patience and focus, step into the strike", clashing with Macaque's far more brash "You don't use a weapon, you ARE the weapon." This is effective at isolating MK from Wukong and his teachings because MK feels like he is actually powerful now.

As Wukong says, MK's body isn't strong enough to handle the power. This applies to real life too. If someone tries to weight lift something too heavy for their skills, they could get seriously hurt. This is the just magical equivalent of weight lifting. But because of Macaque's influence, MK fights back and isolates himself from Wukong, his trust worthy mentor. This leads Macaque to his final part of his plan, lure MK into a trap with his full hearted trust in him.

Then Macaque finishes his plan by stealing MK's powers. Let's be honest, with how things were going and by our impression of Macaque in this episode, Macaque would have likely killed MK if it weren't for Wukong. OR left MK to die with the staff pressing him against the moutain. What can we gather from this? Well, first and foremost, MK's admiration made him an easy target for manipulation, and what resulted was MK nearly dying from the ordeal. Check for "not ever role model will be a good person", since Wukong is ALSO a role model, but a good one because he doesn't literally groom MK. (More on that in a minute.) Wukong was right and MK does what he taught him then admits his wrongs by the end and opens up on why, which Wukong responds with "Hey, your heart is in the right place, kid. We can work on the rest." MK learned to trust Wukong when he was teaching him something because ultimately that's what saved his life. I'm not saying trust EVERY authority figure, but one that is teaching you something that you trust and know will not hurt you. Get yourself a Wukong for your MK. Macaque's training has lasting impact on MK, making him feel like he needs to give himself up for others. Before this episode, MK never had the need to sacrifice himself or really seemingly blamed himself for anything. Macaque's dehumanizing training left MK with lasting damage to his mental health and also led to MK not being able to pick up the staff, granted that was after Macaque gut-punched the power out of him.

Ouch...

So, I hear you ask, "Ok, you made your point about various things, here but what about grooming? That's a bold word." Yes, it IS a bold word, especially considering the fandom space being primarily for children. However, I will clarify that grooming does not only apply to sexual circumstances.

This is from the official Canada public safety about child grooming. Notice the none sexual tactics.

"Make promises of a better life" - Promises to make MK stronger/a better fighter/hero

"Cause divsion saying "your parents are too strict" or "your parents don't understand you"." - Macaque says "Other people are going to tell you to be patient. They are slowing you down." to directly conflict with Wukong's training, further dividing MK and Wukong.

"May threaten or pressure your child to do what they ask, which could lead to sextortion." - Might not be explicit but it is implied MK had some minor doubts by the end of the training and was literally pushed into battle. Also he threw MK into the weapons rack on their first session, showing that MK was "weak" and prompted him to take up his implicit challenge, his trick. It's unclear if Macaque ever threatened MK while training, but I doubt it and he just pressured him and manipulated his drive and determination.

One that people might argue is "Approach your child online by pretending to be someone they're not - may falsely identify themselves as a person from school, or someone their age, to build a connection." but I believe it applies. - Macaque comes in creating a show with his own kaiju form, either to make himself popular or to attract MK or Wukong. Regardless, he seemed uncomfortable at first but once he prompts up "But you can never have too many teachers", that's when he starts creating a false identity, a trustworthy teacher who knows better than Wukong. That's also neglecting the fact Macaque pretended to not be that smoke demon.

If that's not "pretending to be someone they're not", then I'm not sure what is. Also for specifically adult grooming,

More signs I feel apply are;

"The person becomes withdrawn, or they may seem troubled by something but unwilling to talk about it. Alternatively their emotions might become volatile." - When Wukong points out MK has been running around other mentors, MK sounds calm and cold, like he was withdrawn. Then when Wukong presses on, MK yells at him and doesn't talk about exactly what was bothering him other than "You just don't like that there's someone who actually teaching me what I need to know."

"You notice them using or wearing something new, that you didn't buy [or teach] for them." - I added teach because Wukong points out he never taught MK how to break a wall like that, and was concerned and upset that MK learned that too quickly. Within that same scene, after MK yells at him, that's when Wukong notices the new symbol on MK's jacket and frowns. That's when he knows MK is being groomed, and by who.

"Groomers often aim to isolate their targets from their family or friends." - Well, we never see Mei, Pigsy, Tang, or Sandy in this episode, after the first meeting and they act like MK was gone for a month or more (could easily be a week lol). On top of that, Macaque was causing a divide between MK and Wukong. MK was very clearly pretty isolated already, and so Macaque just had to remove MK for MK's full reliance.

"The person might be spending more time on the phone, or online, than usual. But they won’t say what sites they’re visiting, or who they’re talking to." - This speaks for itself, but it's likely MK was training more and more with Macaque than being around his own friends, especially considering by previous point.

youtube

This video goes into great detail on how it happens, why the victim is manipulated easily, and what it does to someone. Granted this video is about a long-time grooming, but I believe the point and the awareness stands. If Macaque had been grooming MK for about a year or more, I feel MK would be closer to these signs than he is in the cannon LMK. Anyways! I hope you had fun with my analysis, and let me know if you'd like more! I love to just ramble about the psychology of certain characters or the takeaways of LMK episodes! I'd love to do Wukong, Macaque as a whole (not just the episode), MK, Xiangliu/Nine mayhaps?? Or even the Focus episode or something else- I have a minor analysis on the focus episode already in my head lol

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mossy-aro · 6 months ago

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ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.

when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!

that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.

but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!

joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.

and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.

tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.

#aromantic #aro positivity #aspec #aroace #aro #aromantic joy #arospec #when i saw its important to 'love' yourself - pls understand i am in no way trying to exclude loveless aros from this #that was just the easiest way to express what i meant! when i say 'love' i mean positivity/respect/happiness. etc. i just used that word bc #it works for ME which is why i said it. but feel free to replace it with whatever works for you! <2 #also sorry if not everything im saying makes total sense i tried my best #this is something ive been thinking about for a while and have been struggling to articulate #i maybe should have read some theory for this abt community building but im too tired + overwhelmed w school reading right now so sorry.#if anyone has additions on that front though please do add them #also ngl im kinda scared to post this. i hope i explained what i mean well enough. like i get wanting to vent and express self hate BUT.#there is nuance to this and it is not unilaterally healthy i think. also i dont see any other online community fostering the normalisation #of selfhate the way the aspec one does! which makes me feel weird abt it especially.#anyway. this is basically my personal philosophy towards aromanticism #mossy posts #⚙️

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lightbulb-warning · 6 months ago

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so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently

#ive been running on “two cakes. u aren't BOTHERING people by putting art on their feed they can scroll past it/if they dont they get ”cake“”#and we love “cake”#“cake” is picture on the internet in this case #like okay the contracts and transaction format is a me problem!! i need to get rid of the “utilitarian brain worms” bc they're boring #this is supposed to be a hobby and the “get a good grade in hobby” wolf in the brain is just crying bc that's how they understand the world #the “get a good grade in x” wolf has valid pain but needs to stop controlling my life because they don't need to earn “enough value to live”#ect ect ect #and the life of minmaxxed utility is a life of trying to appeal to a “correct” that doesn't exist yaddi yadda = boring #i love you wolf. also shut up. affectionate. concerned. you get it #ok so we remove tangible purpose from act of experience art because THAT'S not “the point”#because “the point” is the joy killer eccetera ecc #but then what? “here check out this labor of love. i drew this fucker 15 times. no there's no story* there it's just a guy”#*story in this case being an emotional engagement/a situation/a context in which to ponder/other #so it's just a Draw. no further analysis. what do others Get from that?#i know i deeply enjoy art because im a fan of the process of People Making Stuff. i love when there was nothing but now there's something!!!#THAT'S what's it all about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to me!!!! right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so it stands to reason that creation is purpose enough?? to be experienced???? to be known????????#idk!!#this is a nothing burger of a thought people have always liked picture on the internet stfu maiora there doesn't need to be a reason #this is just the brainworms talking!!! because god forbid “something not have a purpose”??? blegh!!!!!!!!#sounds like unhealthy rationalizing instead of letting things be out of The Fear™!!sounds like depraving urself from joy bc of BRAINWORMS!!!#so like!!!!! picture on the internet doesn't NEED inherent value. creation is enough!! (plus there's the Attachment to Character. also.)#but then why are YOU *points at you* here? gen q!!#i made an image you like and now you are reading my word babble in some tags!!! what's THAT all about???????????#it's INTERESTING!! do you see what im trying to get at??#is it empathy??? person made something other saw something other made- other2other connection???? intrigue????????#.......all this is probably explained in some book or yt essay somewhere. oh well.#in the meantime thank you for your time! we can pretend we were stuck in an elevator together and then i started rambling #i hope you have a great rest of your day thanks for stopping by!! <3 #maiora garrulates

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laeriel · 2 years ago

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The reason I love Rin so much is that she is portrayed as a person first and a woman second

#I hope I explained it well enough #I've had enough of women not being treated as a person but as a ✨woman✨ y'know #it feels like they aren't people who happen to be women #they use it as the characters' whole personality #we need more characters like Rin #tpw #the poppy war #poppy war #fang runin

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bracedfangirl · 12 hours ago

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Yep... I think it's pretty intentional.

I mean yeah they don't really show Lloyd's mistakes outright, but I think the... Vibes of him in DR generally do explain why he doesn't work as a teacher pretty well.

The way he always tries to mimic Wu (and even declares to want to do everything his way), resulting in a... kinda paralel situation between Arin and Morro.

Lloyd acting kinda disorganized, putting off personally important issues of the team for the world saving mission... To me it seemed like not at all subtle hinting that Lloyd's issues with teaching stem from 3 things:

-Lack of experience (DRS1... Very obvious)

-Generational trauma (Lloyd's first "there's something I haven't told you" moment, the Morro-Arin paralels)

And the most important of all I think:

-Being the chosen one

This isn't even really hinted at, but it's one of the few logical explanations for the... Everything else, all that weird messing up.

The way Lloyd became a ninja is pretty much as unhealthy as it gets. Rushed, not personalized enough training, from multiple people with various levels of experience, starting from roughly age 10?. He learned spinjitzu in like... 2 weeks, and there's no way that the very life threatening situation (in a barrel, as such blind, fighting an adult who wants to kill him), as well as his heritage didn't have a hand in it.

He's fumbling because he witnessed very little of the early training of his teammates, and he can't use the experiences of his own when teaching because he doesn't want to put Arin and Sora in that kind of danger. He's basing the training they get on gut feeling and retellings and fuzzy childhood memories.

Which is, when paired with Lloyd's frankly insane sense of duty, lack of life outside the gi (which make him willing to sacrifice a lot for "the mission"), and the zero teaching experience, are a recipe for disaster when they meet a kid like Arin, who has high expectations of his idol, and obviously has a lost family he understandably puts before world saving...

And how his way of doing things kinda works out for Sora proves this. Sora has no civilian life to return to, and has always wanted to make the world a better place. She has that same sense of duty. Everyone she loves and would put before "the mission" is also in said mission... (She and Lloyd also both have a very similar, heavy self doubt).

(I actually really hope that bringing Morro back serves to highlight this. To remind Lloyd of the worst case scenario that can transpire from failing a student like that, and to show Arin that just cause Lloyd's shit at teaching doesn't mean he's a bad guy, he's just a well meaning idiot with a fucked up life)

Maybe Lloyd just shouldn't be a master.

He's clearly not very good at it. He's been trying it since season 5, and his first real students both take FOREVER to make any progress. Sora takes a whole season to unlock her powers, but apparently isn't taught spinjitzu in any of that time- the literal first thing we see taught to any of our characters in the original show. Arin somehow makes backwards progress with Lloyd, and then after doing like three poses with his friend seems to get it instantly.

Like... seems like he's just not very good at teaching. Maybe he should hand the position over to Kai, he's got a natural knack for it, a lot more experience, and a much higher success rate as far as I'm concerned. Master Kai for the win.

#ninjago #ninjago lloyd #reblog #ninjago dr leaks

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charliespringverse · 5 months ago

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i think it should be possible to scream without making any noise or disturbing anyone or inviting any questions . just sometimes . as a treat .

#hhhhHHHGHGHHHHHH #jay screams into the void #(deeply personal rant incoming feel free to ignore)#a friend of mine has just been undiagnosed with bpd which . lovely for them but it sure as fuck invites a Lot of questions #suddenly a great deal of previous shitty behaviour that was excused on the basis of bpd has a lot more to answer for #(obligatory I Know BPD Isn't An Excuse To Treat People Like Shit . im aware . i have bpd myself and i have v high standards re my behaviour)#(however allowances were made bc they were unmedicated & out of therapy through no fault of their own)#(and our whole group has enough experience with untreated mental illness to understand that it can make u a bitch sometimes)#but yeah no there have been a LOT of instances of b&w thinking + manipulation + unfair judgement + high emotion + snap reactions #and every situation Could be explained by untreated bpd and the bad times have never been prolonged or often enough to outweigh the good #but Hoo Boy if that wasn't bpd then what the FUCK was it #like either the new psychiatrist is wrong (possible but i seem to be the only one questioning it) or they're just Like That #and again . not enough to outweigh their numerous positive and loveable traits #but the whole group has been destabilised on a number of occasions due to their actions during a bad spell #and i'm really not sure Any Other Explanation is enough to justify that #ah well . this seems like the kind of thing that will eventually come up during a sleepover heart to heart #but rn i'm stuck in a bubble of MAJOR rsd & brainfuck abt it . which is unfortunate bc now is exactly the time i Don't need brainfuck #anyways ✨ goodnight tumblrinas i am . kind of hoping nobody read this bc i fear i sound like a bitch #i am genuinely happy for their undiagnosis it seems to have put many things into perspective for them & theyre v happy about it #i'm just . uncomfy w some aspects of it that i have only been halfway brave enough to discuss with them personally #That's One To Bring Up With My Therapist In A Few Weeks #Bit Of A Shame I'm No Longer In Therapy And Now Have Only 2 Quarterly Reviews Left Before I'm Discharged From The Service

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astarlightmonbebe · 1 year ago

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it's easy to read the situation between li tongguang, ruyi, and yuanzhou as a love triangle on a superficial level, but looking even one step further, it's clear that there's no triangle about it. li tongguang is obsessed with ren xin; ning yuanzhou is devoted to ren ruyi. ltg's obsession is fervent and all consuming, but it's not devotion. like ruyi herself notes, his feelings to her are on the basis of her as a mother figure in his life, as a replacement for what he never received from his mother. is there an element of romantic/sexual love/desire to it? maybe. more likely he's deluded himself into thinking that, because the truth is, it's doubtful that ltg even understands what love is (platonic, filial, familial, romantic, all of the above, etc), because he has no basis for understanding. ruyi's teachings and actions towards him are the closest thing he has to hold up as an example. what he wants is ren xin, is a replica of the master he had. he doesn't want ruyi, because he doesn't actually care about ruyi. therefore, he doesn't care if she's sad, angry, mad; he just can't bear her 'abandoning' him. we saw this way back when she first meet and left him, both at thirteen and seventeen. although he distrusts her first, she saves his life and cares for him in the way no one else has, hence her first being raised on a platform in his mind. when she leaves for good, ending their master-disciple relationship/training, even though it's for official business and she's not abandoning him, in his mind that's exactly what it is. so now that she's in his life again, he won't let her leave again. he was powerless before, a child with no proper name, but now he's a recognized member of the imperial family, a man who can meet her as 'equals' (even when that's far from the truth). as a child, he could only cling to her legs and beg her, but now he has the power to keep her by his side. it's telling that when he finally gets confirmation of her identity, it's not ning yuanzhou he seeks to harm (even though he detests him and their relationship), but yang ying. yang ying is ruyi's new disciple, and as ltg doesn't know she's a woman, he only sees her as his direct replacement.

ning yuanzhou, on the other hand, is devoted to ruyi. he wants to build a new life and future with her, instead of slotting her into a spot in the life he already has. he's someone who accompanies her on walks and makes her midnight snacks, who holds her when she needs to be held and lets her go when she needs to do things on her own. when she speaks her mind, he listens, even when it makes him discontent/it's not what he wanted/wants to hear. he sees her unabashedly as his equal, and though he acknowledges her skills and abilities, or points out her naivety, he never does it to belittle her; to him, she is his peer, deserving of the highest honor and respect. he trusts her to have his back, and she has come to trust him to have her. he did what she might have thought no man would ever do: he proved himself reliable, so she came to rely on him. yuanzhou gives her freedom and autonomy as both ren ruyi and ren xin. of course they run into problems, but they both learn and grow from them, as individuals and as a couple. yuanzhou's belief in her is unwavering, but adaptable, whereas ltg's is unwavering, but frozen in time, disallowing for any new information to be presented. yuanzhou works with ruyi to accept the changes thrown her way; he seeks the core behind her actions in order to better understand her. li tongguang cannot accept the changes in ruyi's character, because they run contrary to the master he has on a pedestal in his mind.

what li tongguang wants is to return to the past, but yuanzhou offers ruyi the promise of a future, even one that might never come to fruition. there's no triangle about it.

#star stumbles #my thoughts #a journey to love #一念关山 #cdrama #written right after watching ep 26 #hope i explained it well #honestly i have a lot more thoughts about this ep and ruyi/ltg but that's still a separate post that will happen. well sometime #maybe after ep 32 idk #it's just the juxtaposition between entering a room that is a shrine to the person she is trying to leave behind #and going home to a man who makes her wonton soup and accompanies her on her revenge journey #who offers his own insights and thoughts but lets her lead the way when it comes down to it.#he gives her ultimate control over her own journey. and ruyi who has never had that freedom of course is drawn to him #oh and one more point that didn't make it in #ruyi's confrontation about how ltg is unwilling to give up his power and success is further proof of his obsession =/= love or devotion #it's not that ning yuanzhou WOULD necessarily give up those things if she asked him to #but he would respect her enough to let her go if he knew he was unwilling to give up his position #of course nyz right now is someone who is planning on retiring and living a quiet life away from it all #which is appealing to ruyi #but ltg obviously won't give up his name and success. he wanted an imperial name but now that he got it the avenue has opened up #we saw his big dreams early on in eps 4-5 (before the character butchery...though i can't really call it that since it makes sense #but still drives me insane)#and of course he won't! for a neglected illegitimate child with no power even gaining a sliver of it is just the beginning #and ruyi is honestly so far from the court in that she might have been close with empress zhaojie #but her understanding of the court is very ignorant. not in a bad way but she was a weapon so of course she didn't have to understand that #she just struck when told to. the power games of the court are basic knowledge but they still shock and confuse her #so it's also a thing about living two different lives and different paths #even though yuanzhou and her are on different ones theirs are still compatible #at this point in their lives. as they said earlier if they had met earlier they probably would be trying to kill each other

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