#hooked up with a guy and found out he goes to the church that the pastor was from (the one who crashed our Tuesday queer support group)

[neverendingford]

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[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Public Enemy: Part Two

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.6k

Summary: Someone is terrorizing the public by taking their comfort away from them. You're trying to heal from being in prison, and Spencer helps as much as he can.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Season Five Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.

x

Rossi rubs your back in a comforting way just as Father Kendellen walks over.

"It happened right where you're sitting."

"You told the police you weren't sure when the unsub walked in?"

"Yes. He came in during the first reading. I know most people who walk through those doors. Not the man you're looking for. I don't know how I could have missed him."

"You know the Collins family personally, right?"

"Of course. Paul grew up at the local school. Whenever he came home, he made sure to come to mass."

"They sat there in the back so as not to disturb the mass?"

"Yes."

"Once they were settled, could you see them?"

"No," Father Kendellen sighs.

"Then let yourself off the hook, Father. If you couldn't see the Collins family, you couldn't see the killer."

Okay, you might not have your ability to help you this time, so what would the rest of the team do? The unsub comes through the main door only to sit behind the family. He slashes his throat and then walks immediately out. There are no cameras inside or outside the building. It's the same for all three crime scenes which means the unsub was smart enough to plan for that in his attacks but careless enough to drop a knife ten feet after he cut all three victims. None of the knives had any DNA on them so he didn't leave behind any fingerprints. Murder and spree killers often fetishize their weapons, but this guy discards his. Why?

Anyone in town can get knives at any Army-Navy stores. It could be used as a scare tactic. Americans are typically more terrified by the presence of a knife rather than a gun. Most rape victims, for instance, are more likely to scream out for help if they see a gun whereas they'll comply if they see a blade. So, victimology and murder weapons aren't important to this guy. What does that leave? What is he attacking? A light bulb goes off in your head at the answer.

The crime scene itself.

You and Rossi finish up in the church and walk down the street to the laundromat where Derek and Emily are.

"Did you see the sign outside when this place was established?" Rossi asks you.

"1967. It's the same as the restaurant, second-generation Italian. Everyone in the neighborhood eats there."

"St. Alvina's was built at the beginning of the last century," Detective Jake Moreland interrupts. You look up and see you're already inside the laundromat. "So each location has a history in this community."

"He wants to destroy landmarks," you say, "pieces of Providence's history. That's why there are random victims. He's making a point."

"Probably the manifestation of a deep hatred for the city. He wants to scar the places everybody knows and goes to," Emily agrees with you.

"Not quite," Rossi says. "If you attack an institution, everyone responds. Neighbors come out and the major assigns extra cops. When a place of worship turns into a crime scene, you feel personally assaulted."

"That's what gets him off. The response. Public outcry. He wants the big show," Emily says.

"Do you think he's revisiting the crime scenes?"

"Not just revisiting. Reliving. He's found a way to keep the murders he's committed fresh because they're always on the city's mind."

This unsub isn't that complicated to figure out so your team already has a profile ready to go. You all head back to the police station but before you go in, you look around at the public passing by. You feel eyes on you, like eyes specifically for the police station.

"What's wrong?" Rossi asks.

"He's here. He's watching us right now. Damn it. I can't figure out which one is him. The wind makes everyone's energies blend together. It's harder to track him."

"The profile says he likes to watch. Come on."

You two head inside and join the rest at the front of the room. Detective Moreland gathered his men and women to hear the profile, and Hotch started once everyone was here.

"We suggest that you think of this unsub not as a slasher but as an arsonist because the gratification he's getting isn't from the physical act of murder but from the public's reaction to it. Arsonists draw attention to themselves through the fires they set. The locations they choose are highly symbolic to them. While this unsub will never set an actual fire, he has the same psychosis as one who does."

"Our unsub fits that model. His locations have been pillars of the community. The victims he picks aren't as important as the effect of killing them outside of your favorite restaurant or place of worship," Spencer explains. "By picking locales with the highest visibility, he's creating the highest level of fear in that neighborhood which reinforces his feeling of power."

"Yeah, but arsonists don't set out to hurt people. This guy clearly does," Detective Moreland says.

"That's true, and this unsub definitely falls in the category of sociopath. His victims are there only to achieve his goal. He doesn't have the ability to empathize with them. To him, they're just tools for him to use like a can of gasoline and a match, but even how he kills tells us something. Slashing a throat is a messy, visual act. It's designed to create attention, just like a fire."

"Arsonists are often mission-based. They need to make sure their first fire has burned out before they set another one. They're also highly disciplined and focused. If conditions aren't right to set a fire, or in this case, slash a throat, they'll move on."

"In addition to his need to kill, he has self-control. He has a short cooling-off period because he's enjoying what he's doing. This in turn feeds his ego and keeps him covering his tracks. This makes him even more dangerous. If he gets frustrated, encounters too many obstacles, or suffers a blow to his narcissistic ego, he could go on an all-out rampage," Rossi says.

One phone starts ringing which isn't weird but then another one does and then another one.

"Focus on men between jobs instead of working consistently. He is hunting at his next location, and revisiting his old scenes. We recommend you..."

Soon, the entire room is filled with the sound of every phone ringing. JJ walks into the room with a serious look on her face. Something is wrong. It happened again. He struck again.

"He struck again, didn't he?" you ask.

"Yeah. The news crew is leaving the Collins' house."

"Farmers market at Third and Shelby," Detective Moreland announces while on the phone. "The press are already on their way."

"We could use that. They'll feed his ego. He'll want to stay and watch," Rossi says.

"Ladies and gentlemen, when you get to the crime scene, we need you to canvass the crowd. Pay particular attention to onlookers who might be more interested in the scene itself than the victim. Get photographs of everyone."

"You can do this, Y/N," Rossi says to you.

Your bottom lip wobbles but you nod. What if you can't? Will people die because of you? You and Rossi take the same car down to the Farmer's Market, and he finds an onlooker who is trying to get a good view of the scene.

"What happened?" Rossi asks him, pretending to be a passerby.

"I bet it was that stabber."

"Stabber? What stabber?"

"You know, the guy who's been cutting people's throats open around town."

"Right. Him."

Rossi looks at you but you shake your head. You might not be confident in your abilities right now, but you know that he's not the unsub. You've seen his energy, you'd be able to spot him if you were within breathing distance of him. Rossi's phone rings as you're looking around and he answers it when he sees it's Emily.

"Go ahead, Emily."

"I got a trail of blood here, but I haven't found the knife yet."

"He ran away. See where it ends."

"Got it." It takes her two minutes to follow the blood trail. "I found where it ends. The unsub changed his clothes. He left his blood-soaked ones here in the trash."

"He's avoided getting blood on himself up to now. What changed?"

"I don't know, but whatever his reason, he came prepared."

"He knew he would be bloody this time." His phone beeps signaling he has another call. "I'll get back to you." He switches over to Derek. "What do you have, Morgan?"

"A witness says the first responder, a citizen, cried out for help maybe two seconds after the stabbing. I think he was the unsub."

"He's not content with revisiting the crime scene anymore. He needs to be part of them." He spots the detective a dozen feet away from him. "Detective!"

"Yeah?"

"Establish a perimeter around the market. Put your men no more than twenty feet apart. Every cop needs to be in sight of one another. The unsub is still here. Start by separating the men from the women. We found discarded clothes. That's how we find him. We match by body type."

"Alright. I'm on it."

Rossi turns to you and you look at him with wide eyes.

"We need you right now. Don't let your fear keep you from playing the game. You're not in prison anymore. You're going to be okay. Clear your mind. What are the energies telling you?"

You turn to face the crowd and close your eyes, trying to clear your mind. I can do this. I am not in prison anymore. Enough is... Enough is... I'm going to be okay. Where is the unsub? You open your eyes and separate every single strand of energy from each other, singling out the one you need. There is one strand of energy leading away from the Farmer's Market toward the back where they keep the buses. Rossi immediately follows after you, having one hundred percent trust in you. You walk around to the back and stop short when you come across a dead police officer on the ground. Rossi rushes over and checks to see if the man is still alive, but he's not. The unsub is gone.

"He's gone, Rossi," you sigh. "Both of them. I'm sorry. I tried."

"You did everything right. Sometimes, it just sucks."

x

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[nysocboy]

Gemstones Episode 1.6 Review, Continued: Scotty flirts, BJ is spanked, and Kelvin says "Let's hook up."

This is a continuation of Episode 1.6 Review: Kelvin sees Keefe's cock, and gets a big head.  Sounds like a fun evening

Earlier in this episode we saw a lot of innuendos about Kelvin and Keefe's relationship going to the next level.  Now it's time to concentrate on Gideon and Scotty.

They are very rude: Since the van is gone, Scotty has to live in a tent. Why doesn't Gideon spring for a cheap hotel?   Gideon tries to help him set it up, but he goes dark again: "I'm tired of this shit, and I'm tired of your fucking family! They are very rude people!"  But at least he looks hot in a black vest with no shirt.

"It's in my uncle's garage," Gideon tells him.  Completely ransacked, with all of Scotty's stuff taken.  Scotty is irate: he needed that stuff!

Cut to Jesse and Kelvin informing the crew that they have the van. Inside they found a sleeping bag, tongs, a copy of L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics (so Scotty is a Scientologist?), some potato chips, some beans, soiled Q-Tips, and yellow, crusty paper towels. Conclusion: the blackmailers are "fucking amateurs."

Suddenly all of them get a phone call from Scotty.  He wants his van and his stuff back, or "I'm a fuck your life in the ass."  I'm surprised no one riffed on that.  "I'm a release the video."  Scotty and Gideon clasp hands.

Jesse doesn't think he has the video, and tells him to fuck off.

My Slim 3: After scenes with Baby Billy and Judy at the Salvation Center, rehearsing. and Jesse and his crew (without Kelvin) throwing their ceremonial coins into the swamp, we return to the campground.  Gideon has brought lunch for the two of them (Subway-type hoagies). but Scotty goes beserk, destroys his sandwich, and yells that he's going over to the Compound right now to kill Jesse.  Gideon points out that this will keep them from getting the millon dollars.  Scotty gives up the plan, and grabs Gideon's sandwich, a "Slim 3."

Kelvin comes out on top: Meanwhile, no doubt as a reward for his success with Dot Nancy, Eli has assigned  Kelvin the job of learning enough Swahili to greet the Kenyan refugees who will be welcomed into the church on Sunday   He's already learned fuju karibu, which means "mess around," "have sex."  (He wanted karibu, welcome."  Uh-oh.)  Judy disapproves, and physically assaults Kelvin. 

Why Kenya, when it's a haven for refugees, not a source  (it's the 13th largest asylum country in the world, with 650,000 refugees)?  Maybe because Swahili is the most well-known African language (viewers might not recognize Hausa or Xhosa). Or because it's 60% Protestant, so joining the Salvation Center makes sense. 

Jambo instead of Karibu: After a scene where Jesse tries to reconcile with Gideon (they admit that they "like" each other), we cut to the church.  As the Kenyan refugees file onto the stage. Kelvin says "Jambo!" and tries to make small talk with each ("I like your outfit!"), and Keefe hands each a white rose.  Two takeaways here: Kelvin is pushing up the flamboyance, and he and Keefe are already inseparable. 

Meanwhile, Eli yells at Baby Billy for stealing his daughter ("Just like you took Aimee-Leigh").  The incest runs hot and heavy with these guys.

The full review, with a nude Kenyan bonus, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

[thelittlestspider]

For the character questions: 🪄, 💋 (vice-versa works, too, as far as I am concerned), 🪡, 🦷

This is about the prequel cast because I literally never talk about them.

cw: suicide mention, demonic possession mention.

🪄 - has your character ever tried to use magic to fix their problems? did it take something from them in exchange? hurt them? drive them mad with power? kill someone they loved?

So originally, James died, and his cousin David made a deal with Chaos to bring him back to life in exchange for one of his children. And I had it as David escaped up north, and somehow the Ranch found him? Then stole Joe away. But I think it's 1000 times more fucked up if David just hands him off to Chaos willingly to spare his other kids. So I might do that.

💋 - has your character ever been betrayed by a lover? was it a bloody end sealed with a kiss?

I feel like when James killed himself, he kissed Julian/Six and tried to stab him so they would die together. Julian survived, though.

🪡 - has your character ever tried to change their fate? what did it cost them?

Before Julian became Six, he was sold by his family to Agony (a vampire living in the Bellam city slums) to be vampire food basically. Instead, Agony decides to make him one of his brides, where Agony basically tortures him for his own amusement. He also meets Chaos, Agony's lover, who is this really creepy shadow demon guy who's obsessed with him. (Stay with me. This becomes relevant, I promise)

So Julian runs off to one of the towns outside the city limits, and ends up boarding in the same house as these three guys, one of whom he becomes like unhealthily obsessed with (his name is James and he's really fucked up. He also looks a lot like Julian, which feeds into this weird, self-obsessed, fucked up, doppelganger, borderline faux incestous attraction Julian has for him.)

Anyway, so Julian ends up hooking up with James' grandfather, this rich guy who owns basically the whole town. He's also got his weird, hate sex thing going on with James. In Julian's world everything is great.

But then everything goes to hell.

So here are the basic points of what happens:

- Julian marries James' grandfather and poisons him to get all his money.

- He finds out Chaos has a major foothold in the town and that he has some kind of evil plan for it.

- James is killed. (Then resurrected and came back wrong.)

- James' mom and uncle kidnap Julian and torture him

- Anthony is possessed

- James' mom reveals to Julian that she is the head of an illegal experiment to create human weapons for the rich and powerful. And that he and the rest of the town are their prisoners. She also reveals that Chaos inspired her.

- Chaos proposes to Julian. Julian agrees in exchange for revenge on Sylvia, power and riches, and being head of the program (so he can lord it over Sylvia).

(Sorry Sylvia is James' mom)

🦷 - has your character ever worshipped something they thought was god, but turned out to be something more sinister?

Anthony (one of Julian's housemates) like goes to this church where they think they're worshipping god, but it's really just Chaos feeding off the pain and fear he causes the town. He eventually ends up being possessed by Chaos and being made to watch while he does fucked up stuff.

[kylo-wrecked]

@graysistance ://

— ☾ —

He doesn't know what he's doing at an annual Foster Care and Adoption Conference, only that Dad warns him, 'Your mother will kill us both' if Ben doesn't attend, and he for one would prefer 'to be alive and well backstage—supporting'. And so Ben waits in the designated Ben area with whoever can still tolerate him. It's a short list: the interns and their head-sized smartphones, Ian the IT guy, Mr. Pryde (who only darts his ugly mug inside now and again to ensure Ben's ongoing presence), and Miss Rugy. 

Miss Rugy was initially hired to give each member of the Organa-Solo family a pass with a makeup brush and a blotting sheet for such functions as the adoption conference and has, over time, become Ben's PR department. Tonight, his sage advice? 

"Do not piss off your mother, you hear? This is her moment, okay? Nobody leaves or shits until she does. Now, if you sweat off my Bobbi Brown, come to the left vomitory, and I will do you up again and douse your inners with a little lemon water. I am your personal spa. We are going to get you through the night."

"Now," Miss Rugy says again, affecting Bela Lugosi, wetting his matte red lips and squeezing a dollop of concealer onto a sponge, "Do not move."

"I am not moving," says Ben, whose face takes on the structural moroseness of the neo-Gothic friezes facing the North, East, South, and West of their indeterminate ceiling. 

The foam wedge oozes with makeup. It's green, and that is the point, Miss Rugy tells him as he blots the sanguine swells beneath Ben's eyes.

"Now, look up," he demands, pressing the heel of his palm into Ben's jaw.  

"Please don't touch me there," Ben says. 

"Quiet. I am rehabilitating you. You look like fifty shades of shit."

"I think that gets the point across." 

"You—" Miss Rugy says, going in with an angled sponge the wet color of Ben's skin, dabbing and dabbing. "—are playing mama's child tonight. You are going to look the part." 

"I've never looked like my mother's child. I think she found me under a bridge and took pity on me. Tonight might be the night she gives me back." 

Miss Rugy snorts and scolds, "Ben! Do not make me mess up!" 

What's meant to be gentle daubing motions feel like Miss Rugy replacing his skin with octinoxate and titanium dioxide. Two more dabs, and done. 

"Remember, the lemon water refresher later. Now go." 

So, Ben goes the route of a thousand print-out arrows. On his way, he discovers a corridor mirror and, repulsed by his new laudatory reflection, glossed and airbrushed as a magazine ad but more orange, indicating tonight's company of Nikon cameras, Ben tears at his under-eyes with his thumbs until Miss Rugy's blended magic is undone. He wipes the makeup on the inner lining of his suit cuffs and straggles on, idling behind the deco ingress of an ilk that once dominated lower Manhattan, until they open upon an 'I've very much bloody had it' Mr. Pryde, who may well have pulled Ben in by vaudeville hook.  

The belly of the assembly hall is like an Anabaptist church, holy in its ugliness, its staunch rows of oak flip-down seats arranged in an inelegant continental and bolted down into stale blue carpet. The curtains obstructing the dearth of the stage are the same blue, flanked by pillars of lilies on either side. Their scent gives grandma's musty sunroom sarcophagus or school play from the Sloth Ring of Hell. Whatever it is, it's cloying. It's confining. It's inescapable. 

Ben is the only conversation piece in Belphegor's auditorium not to take the stage at a time when all the movers and shakers therein have long since been introduced, once upon Senator Organa's successful reelection. The day Ben died. Again. 

Many are already seated. Just as many gather in small annular cliques, buzzing at low volumes. Theirs is the conversation written thousands of years ago by Beelzebub, and Ben pretends not to pick up on the contours of their words. The guests, in turn, pretend not to see him. Nobody waves or raises their paper cups and straws in welcome, as was writ. 

Snoke's absence is notable, but his senior associate, Armitage, stands beside an equally steely tripod. As Ben makes his way toward the front rows, he tries to treat his fixture there like any other camera by ignoring his existence completely. 

By the time he sits, he has already sweated through his shirt underarms and is sure he'll die tonight, too. He soaks up the measly space closest to the emergency exit in case he needs to throw up beforehand.

This is why Ben wears black. He's never sought to make a statement with the custom threads that detain his frame's jumbo bones and musculature or the color of his perspiration. He's trying not to do anything except shield himself from the added heat of the relentless stage lights when his mother approaches the lectern. 

She seems piqued while she adjusts the mic, but not at Ben—because she looks at him. Because when she looks at him, the corners of her eyes crinkle, and she eases her death grip on the bezel. He thinks while sweating buckets: it's a wonder his presence could ever mollify anyone, let alone his mother. 

She taps the mic and begins; Ben goes far away somewhere. Until he's jolted back by the sudden incline of her voice, introducing the next speaker, and he realizes he's missed the entirety of his mother's address. Every word of it goes into the ether or on a camera for later, where they will be hacked to pieces. 

Feeling chilled and disoriented, he looks around. Everyone else is still seated—thank God—but in this gap of mild laughter and riveted applause, Ben registers someone, a woman, sitting just one seat away from him. She's pert, either much younger or less miserable than him. Perhaps both. He has never seen her before. She is the one, the only stranger to him at this event. 

Twisting toward her, Ben's lips form the word 'who' before knotting themselves into a confounded lump. Left without words, he lodges his ill-fitted frame into the seat again and wills himself into... one of those wooden statues of the Three Kings. Whatever they're called. Where are the words? He wants to scream through the knot on his face, his soft and fleshy apparatus called a 'mouth.' 

The materialization of this perfect stranger dislodges the other knot, the clump of ice-cold dread he'd tried all the previous afternoon to chisel loose. And in its place, heat rises, and there's that feeling again. Now might be a good time to take Miss Rugy up on his lemon water, only, despite every protracted moment, he's just got here. So exactly when did she show up?

Call the feeling bad nerves, bad vibes, or poor human mechanism; it always feels like a rush of anger; and is always a loosening agent for speech. 

Finally, Ben turns to the woman and whispers, "Excuse me, are you lost?" Winces and yet adds, "I have literally never seen your face. I have no idea who you are. I wish I had seen you before."

The next speaker takes the stage, more clapping, Ben whispering fiercely: "Tell me you're not in politics. Lie if you have to. I will—" 

And if she did? If she responded to his maelstrom of verbal vomit at all? Ben would what? He starts undoing his tie, the stupid Armani noose that strangles him. 

"I will stay all night."

These are the ramblings of a certifiable thirty-year-old man hissing under the ovations of a Green Party delegate who once called Ben a ticking time bomb. 

[suhmayzooka]

Please tell us more about your thesis topic I love hearing your thoughts on the Aeneid

omg?? i'm so flattered!

idk how familiar u are with the aeneid already, but basically it's an epic poem written by a guy named vergil, kind of like the iliad and the odyssey by homer, but roman. it follows the adventures of aeneas, a trojan hero and son of venus, who flees his home (troy) with his family and his men after the greeks attack (you may know abt how they came to the city hidden in a wooden horse--that scene is in the aeneid! it's always heartbreaking when ppl read homer and are like "i thought the trojan horse would show up" noooo read the aeneid!)

aeneas must go to italy bc he's destined to found rome, but on the way he does cool things like hook up with queen dido of carthage and, what i want to discuss, go down to the underworld to learn about his fate from his dead father. 

the whole poem is 12 "books" long, and the underworld happens in book 6.

going to the underworld is a common thing in classical epics. it's called a katabasis (literally means "going down") and many mythological heroes do it—odysseus, orpheus (he's important), hercules,, lots more (and it's not exclusive to ancient greece/rome, most cultures have some kind of myth about characters going down to the underworld to speak with the dead)

if you know dante, or really anything about christianity, you already have some idea what vergil's underworld is like. dante's Divine Comedy is about vergil (the aeneid guy) showing dante around the underworld, which became the basis for how the church understood the afterlife. the christian interpretation of the afterlife and hell is heavily influenced by the aeneid's depiction, which is one reason this specific episode has been the source of many many years of study. 

that's not what I'm actually writing abt, though, i just wanted to give some background. 

aeneas doesn't just go down to the underworld, see his dad, and return to the land of the living... several very specific things happen

first, he doesn't go alone. he must be led by a sibyl, a prophet. she instructs aeneas how to enter and acts as his tour guide, pointing out different areas in the underworld and explaining what's going on

before going, aeneas must take a golden bough (branch) to give to the queen of the underworld, proserpina (persephone in greek), which will allow him to travel through the underworld

vergil prefaces the journey with an invocation to the gods

the actual book basically is divided in two parts: the first half describes aeneas’ journey in the underworld, the final half is about aeneas talking to the ghost of his father who tells him about how his descendants will go on to found rome and be a long line of great leaders

there are two gates through which aeneas can leave the underworld: one is made of horn, which is for “true shades/ghosts,” the other is made of ivory for “false dreams” to pass through. aeneas goes through the gate of ivory and returns to the living world 

overall this book follows many examples of prior katabatic tradition, with the katabasis being a place where aeneas gains knowledge that’s really otherworldly in a place that functions very differently from the living world

what i want to write about is how the whole poem is like one big katabasis for the audience to experience, with vergil being our version of the sibyl guiding us along. different things aeneas experiences in the underworld mirror different things the audience experiences in the rest of the poem. for example, aeneas meet his father halfway through the book to gain new knowledge; this book, where we (the audience) gain new knowledge, is halfway through the whole poem. there’s a distinct shift in the two halves of this book, just like there’s a distinct shift in the two halves of the aeneid as a whole.

or how vergil begins the katabasis with an invocation (calling upon) the gods, he begins book 1 of the poem with an invocation to the muse (as is the epic tradition). how aeneas experiencing various contradictory aspects in the underworld mirrors how the aeneid as a whole is both a celebration and a criticism of rome. before he learns his future, aeneas must see reminders of his past, the ghosts of people who died earlier; the audience is being reminded of rome’s past throughout the whole poem, especially here where we see the line of roman rulers (like caesar), whom the audience is already familiar with. now i’m gonna find other parallels, like narrowing down which episodes in the epic could correspond to, like, aeneas plucking the golden bough, and a few other scenes which i think are katabatic in nature

basically along these lines ^^

overall i’m not so much interested in the actual plot of the epic, or even vergil’s intentions as the author, than i am interested in thinking of it as a mirror for the audience. 

(not to derail but that’s basically what i was talking abt earlier here with bat comics, like i’m less interested in what the actual story is than i am interested in how (or whether) the audience is acknowledged. it’s also the mindset i’m coming from with posts like this bc like… to me i find it interesting how bruce denying something the audience already knows, like he’s gaslighting himself and the audience, mirrors how an abusive parent gaslights themselves/others (even though i know it’s not intentional, it’s fun for me to think about from the perspective of being the reader who watches these events happening then to see them changed in the story like a denial of facts brought on by immense grief/trauma)... but i guess it didn’t come across well enough hahah ;;)

uhh yea that's the basic idea! thanks for asking !!

[the-winds-indecision]

buckle up y’all because i have more to say about how growing up catholic fucked with my experience of sex and sexuality. 

hidden behind a cut because i’ll be talking about sex again. this time with some details, so y’all have been warned.

this summer i found out, after identifying as lesbian for over 2 years, that i am, in fact, bisexual.  (and far more transmasc that i had thought but that is beside the point). i found out i’m bi whilst actively having sex with a guy friend - “red”.

(tl;dr from my last post: i worked at an overnight camp this summer, kissed a few friends on a night off then ended up having sex with “red”.  church-y intrusive thoughts about self-worth ensued.)

i didn’t have a crush on red before we had sex.  at least, i don’t think i did.  admittedly i do struggle with identifying crushes, but i am fairly certain that i didn’t have a crush on him before. 

i hadn’t even thought about having sex with him before we were doing it.  it started just as making out - i had enjoyed kissing red earlier that night and i had some steam to blow off.  i trust red enormously and feel very safe with him so i asked if he wanted to make out again.  “do you mind if i let my hands wander?” led to “how do you feel about taking our shirts off?” and i’m sure y’all understand where it went after that.  (i know its good to talk about having sex with someone before actually fucking them but humans are fallible creatures and that's not always the way it goes).

in the midst of all this i am having *realizations* such as: i find red very attractive.  this is a gender-affirming experience and i quite like being seen as desirable by a man who does not see me as a woman. 

sometime during our hook-up, red said something to me that made my heart skip a beat and i had that oh-shit-i’ve-got-a-crush moment.  immediately following that was the oh-shit-i-like-guys-in-a-gay-way moment. 

*     *     *

in retrospect, now that i’ve had time for reflection, i have realized a few more things, the most glaring of which is this: the church’s anti-sex rhetoric worked so well on me that i thought i was aro-ace.  from there, it was easier to recognize attraction to women as someone who at the time was still identifying as a woman. 

there is a framework for realizing you’re gay.  there are all kinds of resources: the infamous “am i gay” quizzes, the lesbian masterdoc for sapphics, there are probably hundreds of posts here on tumblr dot com that talk about realizing one is gay, and i read far more of them than i should have had the time for.

no such framework exists for realizing one experiences “straight” attraction (in quotes because gender is funky and me liking guys isn’t straight anymore).  all of the “am i gay” quizzes basically say “if you’re asking, you already know”.  the church had me (and still to a degree has me) so repressed that it was easier to acknowledge crushes on girls than guys. 

i like men in a way that is closer to the way men like men than the way women like men.  i applied the “realizing i’m gay” framework to liking guys (which, again, for me is gay).  without realizing this i genuinely think it would have taken me years at least to unwork enough of the church brainrot to acknowledge crushing on guys.  just one more thing to add to the list of ways the church fucked me up and reasons i am glad i left.

i hope this makes sense, it turned far more ramble-y that i intended

[disregardandfelicity]

Okay last one 🤭

(34) Vacation fic 🛫🏖 & (97) time travel ⏳ lol AND (89) First time 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🍑

Ok you realize this is just Malta from Retrograde right?? Actually, I bet that's exactly what you intended. But I thought of Another Take.

(fic idea below, this one got a little long, also maybe a little weird 😅)

In another timeline where such things are possible, Nicky takes a week of vacation and decides to head to Ancient Greece.

In this timeline, a time travel vacation service exists – go back for a week to your favorite historical place and time, etc. It's carefully limited so that they only send a small handful of people back in time to any given date and place, although not because of any fear of the butterfly effect. No, it turns out that time is Written, meaning these people of the future cannot actually alter anything. They've already done whatever it is they might do. That said, it would spoil the experience if you went to see the pyramids being built and it was all a bunch of future folks taking notes. ANYWAY

Nicky wants to go WAY BACK to Ancient Greece because he is 35, just left the church, and was until now, deeply repressed and a virgin. He's coming in to his own but trying to date now, and revealing how inexperienced he is, has stirred up such anxiety in him that he thinks he's found a tidy solution. Go so far into the past that no one will know him and get all the kinks (no pun intended) out that way. And he's looked up some likely spots for ancient prostitutes, so that should do it.

He goes back in time and stumbles into this younger (late 20s), super fit, super charming guy, Ioseph. They hit it off right away - Ioseph isn't even a prostitute and he wants to hook up. They do. Nicky is wildly candid with this man in a way he would never be in his real life cause there are no consequences here and that radical honesty works out super well.

Ioseph does want to talk about trade routes (Nicky vaguely said he was a merchant) and how Nicky ended up here a lot more than Nicky would like and he thinks his answers are maybe not entirely making sense (he did the bare minimum of study to be allowed on this trip), because Ioseph keeps looking confused but then Nicky just kisses him or puts his mouth elsewhere and Ioseph loses the train of thought.

End of the week, Nicky says he must Return to wherever he is from and they part fondly.

Back to the future he goes, everything's great. Then, a week later, Nicky accompanies Andy to see one of her old colleagues from her prior university give a talk on a new book he's published with his studies from Ancient Greece, which is Andy's specialty.

They meet him ahead of time and Nicky is shocked to recognize Ioseph - now in his mid 30s. Turns out he was not of that time period, he was studying and there for 6 months. Some awkwardness - it's been awhile for Joe, also he's embarrassed he didn't' catch on. It's been no time at all for Nicky also he would not have done or said the things he did and said to a person he planned to see again so he's sweating.

They get over it and live happily ever after the end.

[peculiarpatches]

𝒍𝒊𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆 - 𝒂 𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

Hello!!

 I’ve had this idea for awhile and decided ‘fuck it’ let’s write it. This is the prologue, so, there’s not much other than the main source and description of what the story is going to be about.  I would post the full story here, however, I just want to make sure people actually like it before I put it out there, haha. Either way - I do hope you like it! If you do, please like, comment and HELL - give me a few suggestions for other stories or what you’d like to see if you find yourself, enjoying this story. Thank you very much for reading :) It means the world to me. Much love, always. - cierra. x 

SIDENOTE: This story will contain both angst and smut. it’ll also feature triggering topics (abuse, both emotional and physical) so please be cautious when reading! also, female reader and features she/her pronouns. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                                PROLOGUE. 

~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Billy Hargrove. Bringing his name up in a conversation always brought one of two different reactions.  For the girls, it'd cause their cheeks to bleed red and they'd chew on their bottom lip and twirl their stray pieces of hair in between their fingers, murmuring how attractive he was and what they'd do if he were to ask them out. (What they'd do if they were alone with him in the back of his car, too. (Y/N) heard plenty of that scenario. Way too many details, if you were to ask her.  She still cringes when she thinks about Margaret Adams going into full story mode of what she'd do to Billy and what she'd like for Billy to do to her. Margaret was the definition of innocent. Went to church every Sunday, prayed without being told to, always carried a bible with her, would blush when a boy - male teachers, included - glanced in her direction. She was one of those girls. So, when she told (Y/N) what she'd love to do to Billy and vice versa, it was shocking, to say the very least. Of course, the moment the sentence (well.... several sentences) leaves her mouth, Margaret turned her head to the side averting  her gaze, but the sudden rosiness of her cheeks gave her away. (Y/N) could tell her  blush was burning  through her cheeks and her face  was feeling like a hot oven. 

She probably felt like a  sinner, saying all those foul words and using such dirty language like that...  

Oh, how she curses herself for not being able to stop herself from the sinful thoughts that corrupted her mind. 

(Y/N) practically felt the embarrassment clouding over from Margaret and hovering above her  as she attempted to hide her rosy cheeks behind her skinny fingers. (Y/N) had to fight back a laugh, even though it wasn't so funny to poor Margaret who was still blushing a beet-red and trying to pull her long, wavy brown hair to hide her burning cheeks. 

(It didn't work out and eventually, with a huff, Margaret gave up and dropped her hands at her sides.) "It's fine," (Y/N) reassured with a gentle smile. "I was just curious as to what people really thought about him. I'm new here too, you know?" She said with a shrug. "And although I may not be as pretty as Hargrove, I do wish I was given some attention he receives." She laughs, thankful Margaret found it funny as well as she had started to giggle.  

"I just wanted to know why people are so star struck over him, that's all." She explained. Margaret, this time, shrugged in reply.  "Not sure myself." She admitted, the red to her cheeks only growing deeper as she admits this statement. "He's something else, though, right?" Margaret continued.  "Sure." (Y/N) grinned, though it was far from a real, genuine smile. "Anyways, I've got to get to class but thank you." As she gets up to leave, Margaret is quick with an, "Oh! Hey... don't tell Pastor  Jason about what I said, okay?" "I promise. Your secret is safe with me.") When his name would be brought up with the same sex as he, there was mixed signals.  "I don't see the big deal of Hargrove." one spat.  "He's a cool dude, I guess." another spoke. "If he comes anywhere near Sabrina, I'm going to fight him, no matter where I am or how much trouble I'll get into, that's my girl and I'm not having Billy try and snatch her away." a jealous boy with the name Tyler said.   (In the end, as one comes to find out, Sabrina broke up with Tyler for Billy.)  (Billy and her didn't last.)  (His relationships never do.)  (It was a lose-lose situation for Tyler and Sabrina.)  Billy Hargrove.  From what I've seen myself, and from all the stories that I overhear in the school cafeteria, he's one Hell of a guy. Good and bad. There's two sides to every story, isn't there?   (There's more bad than good, so I've heard.)   This being said, that's what I've come to do — give a story to those curious about Billy Hargrove.  Who is he? Really? Behind that smirk he wears proudly against his lips — what goes on behind closed doors? (Other than the obvious hook up's.)  Does this man actually have a heart towards other people or does he only give a shit about himself? I have no idea. Nobody does.  I guess what I'm trying to say here is.... if nobody's going to ask questions, I might as well try and seek out the answers myself.  Nothing else interesting has happened in Hawkins, Indiana until Billy and his family have moved in.   It's Indiana, for fuck sake's. Not shit is interesting and the only entertaining thing that was going on was Billy and watching him from afar like he was the main character in a movie.  To Billy, more than likely, it was his world and we were all just his side characters, living in it.  Not anymore.  I've acted before. Won a few awards and ribbons for my acting skills, actually. (Not to brag.)  So, I can gladly pretend to love Billy Hargrove - the most  selfish and mysterious man  there  is in Hawkins, Indiana.  What's the worst that could happen?

Again, nothing else interesting happens in this town. Why not play pretend and see what he’s all about? 

Yes, I’m well aware too; Curiosity killed the cat. But, satisfaction brought it back. 

[earstwo]

     ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

I hit 7k recently after losing almost 1.5k followers when I converted to a Reylo blog (not sorry in the slightest) and decided it was time to finally compile some of the INCREDIBLE fanfics that I’ve read since joining the fandom in December. 

I’m constantly impressed by the talent around here and I'm so grateful to love a ship that has some of the most amazing content I’ve ever seen. The creators in this fandom are second to none. I’m so thankful for all they do and all that they give to us. 

Please keep never stop sharing your gifts. <3 

**Note: Most (pretty much all) of these are rated E. 

Without further ado, here are (some of) my favorite stories: 

The Jedi Path  by SouthsideStory | 19k | E | I am such a sucker for Jedi Academy Ben and Rey. It’s everything I never knew I needed, and this fic is a beautiful rendition. If you know me at all, you know that I devour Angst with a Happy Ending stories, and this is no exception to that rule.

Exile by Ernzo | 22k | E | Oof. This one hurts. Leia sends Rey to the planet where Ben is exiled. It’s angsty and sad and cathartic in every way. I’ve read it dozens of times. 

Before the Saber Swings by @waterlilyrose​ | 28k | M |  Fuck. When I tell y’all that this story fucked me up, I mean it from the bottom of my s o u l. It stayed with me for days. I literally couldn’t get it out of my head. It felt so real to me that I was in physical pain while reading it. I also made an AU gifset of the fic with a quote from Buffy because I’m extra and love pain. 

penitence by @bettsfic​ | 16k | M | Look, Betts is one of my favorite fanfiction authors of all time. Her Bellarke works are some that I’ve read dozens of times and I was fucking ecstatic when I found out she also writes Reylo. This is an A+ TROS fix-it that is lovely and soft and sweet. 

The Writings of Ben Solo by BurnedStars777 | 39k | E | This was recced to me by the fabulous @galacticidiots​ and is just a fantastic story all around. Rey finds Ben’s journal whilst stuck on a planet with Kylo Ren and she (eventually) connects the dots. Rey falling in love with Ben sight unseen? Here. For. it.  find a thread to pull, and we can watch it unravel by again_please | 17k | E | A fantastic post-TLJ story with angsty and broody Ben and just some all around quality smut. I devoured this and have read it multiple time since. 

We Could Plant a House, We Could Build a Tree by @likeadove​ | 124k | E | I will probably never stop reading this fic. It’s such a beautiful coming of age story for Rey and her relationship with Ben as she grows up is just... gah. It’s fantastic. Please read it.    

Soul Searching by OptimisticBeth | 205k | E | Soulmates AU where Ben is Rey’s teacher? Sign me the fuuuuck up, and Soul Searching is so fucking well written. I go back to this one every few weeks and just gush at how great the world building is. I love the relationship Rey has with Leia and Han. It’s rich with love and angst and fluffffff. So good. 

Coveted by OptimisticBeth | 82k | E | WIP | OptimisticBeth is just an incredible writer, so you should honestly read all of her stuff, but I am so, so, so into this fic. It’s A/B/O and Ben’s Rey’s pack leader. He, along with a bunch of other Alphas are trying to court Rey, a highly desired Omega. It’s so fucking delicious, y’all. Alpha Ben Solo is just...it doesn’t get much better. 

A Treehouse Covered in Salt by violethoure666 | 34k | E | This fic made me cry my eyes out. I’m not kidding. It’s so raw and real. It hurts to read at some points, but you care so much about Ben and Rey in this that you fight through the pain. They grow up together as neighbors and Han builds them a treehouse where they meet throughout their childhoods/teen years. Prepare to cry but also be so fulfilled and satisfied. It’s wonderful. love it when you call me lover by @kylotrashforever​​ | 66k | E | WIP | First, let me say that anything by KTF is going to be gold. These fics I have listed are just a few of my favorites at the moment. Lover is hot as fuck (as is all of her stuff) but also fluffy in the best way. It’s in Sadsville right now so I’m fucking PUMPED for her to update. Ben’s a doctor who basically gives Rey a sexual awakening when he proves her statement of “I just don’t think I can come from (insert sexual act here)” very, very wrong.  

mountain at my gates by @kylotrashforever​ | 26k | E | More A/B/O goodness. Omega Rey’s car breaks down on a mountain. Ben is a mountain man Alpha. You can probably guess what happens from there. *fans self* 

take me to church by @kylotrashforever​ | 26k | E | I love this story so much. Ben is the pastor’s son at the church Rey grows up in. They start hooking up in secret and are terrrrrrible at communicating with each other which leads to angst. But it’s so sweet and soft while also being super hot. I love this Ben and Rey so much. 

Your Pretty Little Heart by @ever-so-reylo​ | 64k | E | The A/B/O Reylo bible, I feel like. They’re doctors and he’s a grumpy as fuck Alpha. Shenanigans ensue. And by shenanigans I mean a lot, a lot, a LOT of sex. 

The Food of Love by @lovesbitca8​ | 60k | E | Y’all. If you haven’t read this yet, please stop what you’re doing and read it RIGHT NOW. I ate this fic up in one sitting because holy SHIT it’s amazing. It’s so well written and the story is just... absolutely exquisite. Ben is cellist that’s also a famous rockstar and Rey’s an up and coming violinist and they fall in loOOoOOve in the best, most angsty, sexiest way. Please just read it right now. The scene when she firsts goes to his apartment and plays one of his cellos............you guys. It’s a lot.

Already Home by AttackoftheDarkCurses | 81k | E | This is soulmates + A/B/O so naturally I am obsessed with it. Rey gets connected with her soulmate via a website and he’s going by the name Kylo Ren. At the same time, she’s also moving in with grumpy librarian Ben Solo. She falls in love with both but has no idea that they’re the same person. It’s INCREDIBLE. 

Tangled but Unbroken by AttackoftheDarkCurses | 20k | M | I read this the other night and it’s so fucking soft. I am such a fucking sucker for growing up together fics and this is just such top quality. The braiding kills me every goddamn time. Also, I’m making my way through all of Attack’s works right now and they’re all incredible. Highly recommend. 

Dear Mr. President by @shmisolo​ | 89k | E | I love this Ben so much. The characterization is so on the money. The angst is absolutely delicious. The smut is top brass. Oh, and did I mention they’re soulmates? It’s everything you need, I promise. 

Good Day, Professor by @faequeentitania​ | 38k | E | One of the best Professor Solo fics out there. I’m such a sucker for age difference fics. Of course there’s angst, who do you think I am? 

Embers by sciosophia | 34k | E | Breaking up/getting back together fics are some of my favorites and this one is fantastic. The pining with these two is ridiculous. You just want to smush their faces together. It’s a beautiful love story. 

Reclaimed by @bettsfic​ | 14k | E | Ughhhhhhhhhh, Reclaimed. I am so in love with Reclaimed. Alpha Ben adopts Omega Rey after she’s rescued from this terrible Alpha that held her captive for most of her life. She doesn’t talk and Ben has to help her learn to be a human being and not just a subservient Omega. This Ben is the Ben of my dreams. No contest. 

the following are all written by  @kylorenvevo​. please read them all if you haven’t already. 

landscape with a blur of conquerers | 362k | E |  Y’all know this shit is fire. It’s basically the bible. If you haven’t read this yet, consider this as me yelling at you to do it NOW.   

like young gods | 84k | T | fuck, the Sword of the Jedi series is incomparable when it comes to in-universe fics. I cannot begin to express how much I love this story. It’s so soft and intense and sad. Like, gut wrenchingly sad. Ben senses Rey on Jakku when she’s six and he and Luke take her back to the Jedi Academy. She grows up with Ben. 

to kingdom come | 145k | M |  The sequel to Like Young Gods. I’m not gonna spoil much here, but just know I cried through most of this fic. I downright SOBBED at the end. It’s gorgeous and I will never stop rereading it. The love these two have for each other... it’s unreal. 

i kill giants  | 34k | E | WIP | The TROS fix-it we all need. Ben is alive and finds Rey on Tatooine. It’s soft and Thea does a great job of soothing so many of the gaping wounds we were left with after TROS. My heart soars every time I read a new chapter. This is what we deserved. :( 

the heartbreak prince | 58k | E | WIP |  Harry Potter AU. Professor/student. Size kink. Virginity kink. ANGST. All the good things life has to offer. Professor Solo is fucking filthy in this and I (along with Miss Niima)  am here 👏 for 👏 it. 

place the moon at my eyes (and her whiteness shall devour)  | 29k | E | Another breakup/get back together fic that I absolutely adore.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Thank you to everyone that’s been so kind and welcoming to me the past couple of months! I love this fandom and its energy and enthusiasm and how much everyone seems to care for each other. I hope that I can continue to create content for you forever <3 

[moral-turpitudes]

College Headcanons: Modern!Peaky Blinders Edition

Part 1 | Part 2

Grace Burgess:

Major: Criminal Justice Minor: Fashion Merchandising

10/10 would join a sorority. She has the look and loves the parties.

Has beauty and brains, surprisingly.

Works part time as the barista at Starbucks.

Loves sticking her nose in people’s business so her major is pretty fitting.

She loves a challenge so when she gets to know Thomas Shelby, she knows he’s gonna be fun to figure out.

Studies a decent amount but uses her spare time to try to look into the Shelby’s and why they practically run campus. A little birdy told her about them.

Knows Tommy’s coffee order by heart.

Always DTF.

Is suspicious of Tommy’s inability to use technology but goes along with it cuz she wants to get to know him more.

Didn’t think she’d fall for the mysterious man with a smoking problem but here we are.

When introduced to his family, she asked too many questions about their finances and such, making them think she worked for the cops or something.

Polly still didn’t trust her despite it being a while since they first dated.

Her professor likes her, and encourages her to keep investigating as part of her project on corrupt institutions. Only her professor is a little too enthusiastic. She passes the class, but tells Tommy about him being creepy from time to time.

The next day the professor isn’t there. Hmm. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Almost fought a guy who spilt his coffee on her new dress.

Dreams of being well-off and having a fashion line of her own. Envying Ada’s knack for clothing.

Gets drunk with her sorority sisters on the weekends at the bar and does karaoke. It’s not the best, but she gets an A for effort.

About halfway through her junior year she has to leave cuz she’s dramatic and Polly may have blown her cover. So in a rash decision, she leaves Tommy on his own, making him have a fit and almost getting himself suspended but it’s fine. Polly tells him he’ll meet someone else.

Esme Lee

Major: Horticulture

Her friends all have crazy majors but she wanted something simple, so she chose horticulture. It also lets her get out of the dull college life for a while, or so she thought.

Knowing she can get her mind set on her studies, they decided to help her out and invited her to a frat party.

Everyone who was popular was there so she felt a bit out of place, until she met John randomly when she went to grab a drink.

She’s a wild one kind of like John so they mesh well together. They ended up getting drunk and dancing the night away, letting all their college worries leave them.

In her spare time she can be seen roaming campus with John or hanging out with her friends, and occasionally yelling at some people to get away from her plants at the schools gardening area.

She got along with the blinders really well, except she liked to challenge Tommy at times.

She may be small but she’s one hell of a yeller. She intimidated John the first time she yelled at him.

No one messes with her unless they want to be beaten up by her boyfriend.

Polly likes to chat with her about the business sometimes, sparing some of the details, but she knows Esme can be trusted, and besides, Esme can always force it out of John if it’s something too shady.

Apart from her social life, she does quite well for her studies, and runs a small etsy shop where she makes jewelry.

Her favorite part is uploading aesthetic photos of them to her insta and trying to get John to model for her pictures.

She, like the rest of the family, knew Grace was a snake, and always got bad vibes from Linda…smh.

When she heard news of Grace leaving, she shared a glance with John and did a happy dance internally. In regards to Linda, she wanted to claw her eyes out a bit but she held herself back. Linda would eventually get what came to her. Karma really is that bitch.

As time went on, she found herself agreeing on a whim to marry John, and later falling pregnant with her first of many children. But she’s fine with this situation as long as he helps her live her cottage!core dreams with a bunch of chickens running around while they raise their 10,000 kids.

Linda Shelby

Major: Agriculture

Minor: Religious Studies

Unhinged™

Joined a philanthropic sorority, so she mainly focuses on serving people at shelters and charities instead of serving looks at frat parties.

Claims to be a Christian.

Has the eye for anyone with a penis.

Spends most of her agriculture classes daydreaming about shooting Arthur.

Prays she has the knowledge to pass her exams instead of actually studying for them.

Just wants to live on a farm and be a housewife.

Gives off major bitch vibes no matter how many crucifixes she wears around her neck. Polly tolerates her, and so does the rest of the family, but it’s only a matter of time before someone snaps.

Textbook good-girl-gone-bad trope. Everyone knows her around campus for preaching about no sex until marriage but she be doing the nasty with her side-bae after prayer night.

Enjoys eavesdropping on the Shelby family’s conversations. She supplies Grace with information in exchange for free coffee.

Gaslighting is her second language, speaking in tongues is her third.

When she’s not planning things, she can be seen talking to Grace at Starbucks or stress-baking. She hooks her friends up with weed brownies and later switches to coke because of her boyfriend’s family *cough* Arthur.

Binge drinks on Saturdays and crawls to church on Sundays.

Gets clingy and manipulative at times.

Loves doing her religious studies homework in the chapel or the huge library on campus.

She’d do okay up until finals week, then she’d have many a break down that only cocaine could fix.

Drunk calls Arthur and lets it slip she’d been sleeping with someone the whole time they’d been together. Has 2 working braincells at that point.

He goes off on the dude as they both went to the same bible study. He begged for mercy in the middle of the church floor for Arthur to stop with the punches but we all know hell hath no fury like a person who’s been cheated on. May have almost killed him but it’s fine.

Linda finds him bleeding almost as much as Jesus did.

After crying to Grace on the phone, she snorts a couple lines and downs some shots and heads to Arthur’s dorm. Sos Linda’s got a gun.

Gets shot and lives to tell about it.

She leaves to find god perhaps after all this...or more coke, and just says “fuck it” to her degree. College isn’t for everyone, it’s ok Linda.

Poor Arthur is confused in the weeks leading to the shooting and Linda leaving. Isiah tried to warn him since he was her partner for some projects but he didn’t listen. He wanted to question Tommy’s barista bae about her too but she dipped tf out. The world may never know.

Lizzie Starke

Major: English

She’d taken up an assistants job at the business college and so she worked for nonother than Professor Polly Gray.

She got along with her well, and on Friday nights when she’d be invited out for drinks, she’d overhear Polly divulge one too many secrets about her business.

She kept her circle small so she never felt the need to tell anyone, also fearing that she wouldn’t live to see tomorrow if she did.

Polly trusted her with all her paperwork, often having to proofread and go over Tommy’s insanely long assignments and political debate notes.

Tommy would often be seen around the office, talking Polly’s ear off about business and legal issues, all while she’d get lost in his eyes as he spoke.

She knew she was out of his league, at least while Grace had him wrapped around her finger, but Polly said her day would come so she believed it.

In her spare time, she’d read poetry and sip tea, and on occasion try to teach Tommy about the world of laptops, but even she gave up after a while.

Her major took up a good deal of her time, constantly writing papers and re-reading books, but there was always one silver-lining. Tommy would often skip getting Finn’s help and go straight to her. He said it was because she gave good advice, but his demeanor said otherwise.

When he’d arrive, she’d notice him gradually improving his appearance, much like he did with Grace. And when he’d leave, Polly would shoot her a knowing look.

She may be quiet, but she’s smart, and knows when to make her moves, which both impresses Polly and intrigues Tommy.

Ends up being one of the only ones able to call Tommy out on his shit.

When she’s not around the Shelby’s she’s with her friends or hitting up bars and bookstores.

When she and Tommy finally get together, some students turned their heads at first, but they were good for each other in the long run, it just took Tommy longer to see it.

Gina Gray:

Major: Business Management

Minor: Fashion Merchandising

She came in the picture shortly after Grace’s departure. She was studying abroad but decided to come back for her business classes.

When she first laid eyes on Michael she knew he was the one, but she had to go through Polly, her professor first.

They dated for a while until he popped the question one weekend, leaving everyone in shock.

When she wasn’t fooling around with Michael, she could be seen around campus with her sorority sisters and some of her close friends. Since she was a fashion minor, she always made sure she was dressed to the nines and turned heads almost as much as Michael’s cousin Ada, almost.

Gives off bitch vibes 24/7. No one can really tell if she’s genuine in her feelings, not even Michael, poor bud.

His family thought she was suspicious like Grace, and Polly still can’t put her finger on why she feels she may have a trick up her embellished sleeves.

Michael tends to follow her like a lost puppy of sorts, but she loves the attention, and when he mentioned how his family worked she didn’t seem very phased by it, coming from a somewhat dysfunctional and power-hungry family herself.

She tries to study a decent amount but she’s always hanging out with Michael or getting herself into trouble with the cops when her sorority sisters throw parties.

She’s smart and very convincing, but Polly sees right through her, leading up to a very heated discussion between the two women after class one day.

It’s safe to say that her grades for Polly’s class are holding on by a thread, much like Polly is to her sanity.

She loves a game, whether that’s messing with people’s heads, or trying to beat her friends on game night. She always enjoys watching how they work through their problems, picking out the weakest ones in order to beat them while they’re down.

When she’s not scraping by in her business classes, she’s brainstorming fashion ideas for her numerous projects she’s left until the last minute. Somehow she’s passing the class with flying colors though.

Like Michael’s cousin Tommy, she’s always scheming over something, and so it’s only a matter of time before she fucks something up.

Aberama Gold:

Profession: Philosophy Professor

Side Job: Hitman

His teaching styles are eccentric, often taking the class on field trips to immerse them in the experience.

Goes on for hours about various stories and theories, often losing the class after 30 minutes.

Sometimes he gets called out of class by the teaching assistant because he got an “important” phone call.

“Important” phone calls mean hits and he can’t turn them down unless he wants beef with his rival gang members or people involved in the mafia.

For these reasons, he has two phones. One for his usual work and family, and one for the dirty work.

His son always teases him about having hella phones, but he ain’t no drug dealer, although he most definitely knows some by association.

Asks hard questions to his students and expects good answers.

Doesn’t believe in homework, but makes the classes very challenging and hard to skip.

In his spare time he helps out at the boxing ring, teaching his son the ropes and prepping him for competitions. Other times he helps Arthur and Finn train, all in an attempt to get them to mention their aunt Polly.

He’s in love with the woman but is a bit shy like his son. It takes him a bit to get the courage to meet her but once he does they hit it off.

Polly wasn’t turned off by his dangerous lifestyle, in fact she was turned on by it as she’s lived the same life.

When he wasn’t with Polly or helping his son, he could be seen roaming campus in his signature hat, resting in alleyways or leaving campus abruptly, obviously to go kill someone.

He’d often spend nights away from home alone in the forest, away from Polly and his family, using “philosophy research purposes” as an excuse so he could stake out targets.

He always kept his end of the bargain up, even when he had to deal with Polly’s family and their gangly family business.

Bonnie Gold:

Major: Sports Management

One of the more quiet, reserved students on campus. He can get mouthy when challenged though so watch out.

Would definitely hang with the art and english students, they’re chill.

Can be seen carrying his boxing gloves between classes and doing routine jogs around campus.

All the bitches love him but he only has his eyes on his future. He just wants to win his matches and then he’ll think about love, or so he says. He has the eye for someone in class though and it’s not long until his dad finds out.

He’s health-conscious af.

Has never eaten Ramen noodles a day in his life and doesn’t plan on it. Even if his friends Finn and Isiah try to bribe him. It’s one of the peak college experiences after all.

May have gotten drunk at a frat party and fought a tree.

Would throw hands if someone was being a dick to someone he cared about.

Takes his major seriously. He studies decently well given his dad is always on his ass about it, but when he’s done he goes to parties or hits the ring.

Often has his head in the clouds, dreaming of being a famous boxer, or at least managing a very successful sports team.

Helps his dad on hits. Not many people know this so it’s hush hush.

When he’s not shooting at his fathers enemies, he’s in the ring practicing for the big competitions.

Often spends weekends with his dad, helping to plan attacks and meeting with his blinder friends.

Almost got suspended for knocking out a couple guys cuz they insulted his father.

Attends his dads lectures just to keep an eye on things for him and because he actually finds the subject interesting. May also have a “thing” for a girl in the class but most likely won’t make a move because he’s shy af most times.

Isiah Jesus:

Major: History

Minor: Religious Studies

Despite his wild lifestyle, he likes learning about religions and how they all came to be, given his dad is a preacher.

He may not be a saint but he tries to do well in the classes at least.

Can be seen fucking around with his buds Finn and Bonnie, and going to one too many frat parties.

Finn and him would do lines of coke as soon as Arthur helped move a new supply in, and he’d try to bribe Bonnie to try it but he’d refuse and say he “has to stay clean for his matches.”

When he’s not doing coke or studying for his history or religion exams, he’s out helping the blinders on various jobs.

He often gets in trouble with security because he’s always sneaking about the dorms with some girls he met at parties.

Call it divine intervention, but he couldn’t help but feel something was “off” with the girl Arthur was seeing, cuz he’d gotten partnered up with her for some religion projects in the past and her ideas were concerning. He told Arthur to be careful but we all know what went down.

He likes joining the blinders on their business trips, often leaving his schoolwork until the last minute, just to get the opportunity to help in the business.

He and Finn rant about them not getting enough exposure to the family business but Polly quickly shoves the ideas from their heads saying they need to focus on school, at least then maybe the family could have some other potential.

Daydreams of being a full-blown leader like all the ones he’d read about in his history books. He often looks up to Tommy just as much as Finn does, which sometimes gets them both hurt.

He can be seen often at the ring training with Finn and Bonnie.

He sticks up for his family and friends, even if it means putting himself on the line. No one messes with him unless they want trouble from him and everyone he knows.

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp This is...Books. Lots and Lots of Books

That gif is something of a lie. Some of these books were not great. But! Some of them were very good! And some of them were marketed weird — seriously, what does qualify as YA — and some of them I read in, like, six hours and some of them I raged about for six hours after I finished them.

Or: 2020!Laura reverted to 2004!Laura and read just a lot of books and then her husband got her a Kindle and she read even more books and has thoughts on most of those books that she is now going to share with the internet while also making absurd category names. Note that these are only books I read for the first time this year. So, the list is missing some of the stuff I used as coping devices. ALSO SOME SPOILERS AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

FAVORITE BOOKS THAT MADE A SHITTY YEAR SLIGHTLY BETTER AND ALSO LIKELY MADE ME SWOON A BIT

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

When nineteen-year-old huntress Feyre kills a wolf in the woods, a terrifying creature arrives to demand retribution. Dragged to a treacherous magical land she knows about only from legends, Feyre discovers that her captor is not truly a beast, but one of the lethal, immortal faeries who once ruled her world.

At least, he's not a beast all the time.

As she adapts to her new home, her feelings for the faerie, Tamlin, transform from icy hostility into a fiery passion that burns through every lie she's been told about the beautiful, dangerous world of the Fae. But something is not right in the faerie lands. An ancient, wicked shadow is growing, and Feyre must find a way to stop it, or doom Tamlin-and his world-forever.

— I kid you not, I had to do a lap around the apartment after reading the second book in this series. Why didn’t I read this before? Why isn’t there more fic? Why I am constantly falling for dark-haired sad dudes in love with their wives??? I cannot rec this series enough. It’s got world building and found families, and that dark-haired sad dude, and magic and lore and banter, and it’s so good and I don’t understand why it was marketed as YA. The literary world is weird, guys.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians (and the Heroes of Olympus) by Rick Riordan

Accompany the son of the sea god Poseidon and his other demigod friends as they go on a series of quests that will have them facing monsters, gods, and conniving figures from Greek mythology. Do they have what it takes to save the Olympians from an ancient enemy?

— Straight up, how did you guys cope with Percy and Annabeth when you were kids reading this? I would have been OBSESSED. Quarantine felt like the perfect time to finally read all of these books, and I know it’s sacrilegious to like Heroes of Olympus, but I might have liked parts of that series more? Just because it felt like they were older and I was super into Percabeth being properly in love. Also, now I get why everyone was so upset about the movies. Fair.

The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer

Humans and androids crowd the raucous streets of New Beijing. A deadly plague ravages the population. From space, a ruthless lunar people watch, waiting to make their move. No one knows that Earth's fate hinges on one girl. . . .Cinder, a gifted mechanic, is a cyborg. She's a second-class citizen with a mysterious past, reviled by her stepmother and blamed for her stepsister's illness. But when her life becomes intertwined with the handsome Prince Kai's, she suddenly finds herself at the center of an intergalactic struggle, and a forbidden attraction. Caught between duty and freedom, loyalty and betrayal, she must uncover secrets about her past in order to protect her world's future.

— Yet another YA series that I will admit to loving this year. Started off a little slow, but once the world building really got underway —and it gets underway — I was hooked. If I had read this at an age-appropriate time I would have been super in love Captain Carswell Thorne. I was still kind of in love with Captan Carswell Thorne. So it should come as no surprise that Cress was my favorite of the series, but I enjoyed the whole thing, really.

Serpent & Dove by Shelby Mahurin

Two years ago, Louise le Blanc fled her coven and took shelter in the city of Cesarine, forsaking all magic and living off whatever she could steal. There, witches like Lou are hunted. They are feared. And they are burned.As a huntsman of the Church, Reid Diggory has lived his life by one principle: Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. But when Lou pulls a wicked stunt, the two are forced into an impossible situation—marriage.Lou, unable to ignore her growing feelings, yet powerless to change what she is, must make a choice. And love makes fools of us all.

— YO. Y O. THIS WAS SO GOOD. World building! Magic! Marriage of convenience! Well-written enemies to lovers! As soon as I finished this, I bought the sequel. And then got upset the third book in the series isn’t out yet! That’s a frustrating theme for me this year.

The Roommate by Rosie Danan

The Wheatons are infamous among the east coast elite for their lack of impulse control, except for their daughter Clara. She's the consummate socialite: over-achieving, well-mannered, predictable. But every Wheaton has their weakness. When Clara's childhood crush invites her to move cross-country, the offer is too much to resist. Unfortunately, it's also too good to be true.

After a bait-and-switch, Clara finds herself sharing a lease with a charming stranger. Josh might be a bit too perceptive—not to mention handsome—for comfort, but there's a good chance he and Clara could have survived sharing a summer sublet if she hadn't looked him up on the Internet...

Once she learns how Josh has made a name for himself, Clara realizes living with him might make her the Wheaton's most scandalous story yet. His professional prowess inspires her to take tackling the stigma against female desire into her own hands. They may not agree on much, but Josh and Clara both believe women deserve better sex. What they decide to do about it will change both of their lives, and if they're lucky, they'll help everyone else get lucky too.

— I LOVED IT. L O V E D. As I told Justin “there was more porn than I was expecting,” in that porn and the adult film industry was a legitimate plot point and not just a part of Josh’s character, but it was incredibly well written and interesting and I cared about the plot. Sometimes I also wanted to shake Clara, but that was kind of the point.

The Marriage Game by Sara Desai

After her life falls apart, recruitment consultant Layla Patel returns home to her family in San Francisco. But in the eyes of her father, who runs a Michelin starred restaurant, she can do no wrong. He would do anything to see her smile again. With the best intentions in mind, he offers her the office upstairs to start her new business and creates a profile on an online dating site to find her a man. She doesn't know he's arranged a series of blind dates until the first one comes knocking on her door...

As CEO of a corporate downsizing company Sam Mehta is more used to conflict than calm. In search of a quiet new office, he finds the perfect space above a cozy Indian restaurant that smells like home. But when communication goes awry, he's forced to share his space with the owner's beautiful yet infuriating daughter Layla, her crazy family, and a parade of hopeful suitors, all of whom threaten to disrupt his carefully ordered life.

As they face off in close quarters, the sarcasm and sparks fly. But when the battle for the office becomes a battle of the heart, Sam and Layla have to decide if this is love or just a game.

— More well-written enemies to lovers! It’s possible! Seriously, the banter was so good. The kissing was even better. Ridiculous and interfering family is one of my favorite things, and this had it in SPADES. It also made me want to eat samosas, which is kind of my base setting, but I really wanted Indian food whenever I was reading this. Also, the end scene was so goddamn cute I cannot believe it actually happened.

Recipe for Persuasion by Sonali Dev

— The one that got away is one of my favorite tropes, and this modern version of Persuasion did it so well. Everyone was annoying, but in an almost understandable way that made me ache and I just wanted them TO KISS. And then they did kiss! And it was so good! Plus, at the risk of being a little self-indulgent, it was kind of Out of the Frying Pan esque and I liked that a lot. If there is a downside: it’s how quickly the relationship starts up again, like zero to 60 in two seconds flat, and that there were a lot of POVs. Which wouldn’t have been an issue if they’d been labeled, or weren’t bouncing around the timeline randomly. Sometimes I’d have to be like—wait, who’s talking about what?

Chef Ashna Raje desperately needs a new strategy. How else can she save her beloved restaurant and prove to her estranged, overachieving mother that she isn't a complete screw up? When she's asked to join the cast of Cooking with the Stars, the latest hit reality show teaming chefs with celebrities, it seems like just the leap of faith she needs to put her restaurant back on the map. She's a chef, what's the worst that could happen?Rico Silva, that's what.Being paired with a celebrity who was her first love, the man who ghosted her at the worst possible time in her life, only proves what Ashna has always believed: leaps of faith are a recipe for disaster.FIFA winning soccer star Rico Silva isn't too happy to be paired up with Ashna either. Losing Ashna years ago almost destroyed him. The only silver lining to this bizarre situation is that he can finally prove to Ashna that he's definitely over her.But when their catastrophic first meeting goes viral, social media becomes obsessed with their chemistry. The competition on the show is fierce...and so is the simmering desire between Ashna and Rico. Every minute they spend together rekindles feelings that pull them toward their disastrous past. Will letting go again be another recipe for heartbreak—or a recipe for persuasion...?

The Good Luck Charm by Helena Hunting

Lilah isn't sure what hurt worse: the day Ethan left her to focus on his hockey career or the day he came back eight years later. He might think they can pick up just where they left off, but she's no longer that same girl and never wants to be again.

Just when Lilah might finally be ready to let Ethan in, though, she finds out their reunion might have nothing to do with love and everything to do with improving his game. But Ethan's already lost her once, and even if it costs him his career, he'll do anything to keep from losing her again.

— HOCKEY ROM COM. HOCKEY. ROM. COM. Apparently this lady is regarded as the queen of “hockey romance,” which I kind of take offense to, but will give a pass on because this was a very cute book and everyone was cute in it and I was only marginally frustrated by those same people being idiots. As is required by rom coms. Hockey, or otherwise.

A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer

Fall in love, break the curse. It once seemed so easy to Prince Rhen, the heir to Emberfall. Cursed by a powerful enchantress to repeat the autumn of his eighteenth year over and over, he knew he could be saved if a girl fell for him. But that was before he learned that at the end of each autumn, he would turn into a vicious beast hell-bent on destruction. That was before he destroyed his castle, his family, and every last shred of hope.

Nothing has ever been easy for Harper. With her father long gone, her mother dying, and her brother barely holding their family together while constantly underestimating her because of her cerebral palsy, she learned to be tough enough to survive. But when she tries to save someone else on the streets of Washington, DC, she's instead somehow sucked into Rhen's cursed world.

Break the curse, save the kingdom. A prince? A monster? A curse? Harper doesn't know where she is or what to believe. But as she spends time with Rhen in this enchanted land, she begins to understand what's at stake. And as Rhen realizes Harper is not just another girl to charm, his hope comes flooding back. But powerful forces are standing against Emberfall . . . and it will take more than a broken curse to save Harper, Rhen, and his people from utter ruin.

— Beauty and the Beast AU!!! Fantasy! Magic! Romance! I loved this, even when Rhen was being a whiny idiot. But he was also cursed, so like—fair. This dives into the politics of a cursed kingdom, puts a fun spin on the original fairy tale and also has a sequel. Which I read, and possibly enjoyed more. Only to realize the third book isn’t published yet, and then got annoyed by that.

QUESTIONABLY-GOOD FREE FANTASY BOOKS ON AMAZON

The Silver and Orchids Collection by Shari L Tapscott

What happens when a feisty adventuress, a lord looking to make his own way in the world, and a handsome sea captain set out to find Kalae’s rarest and most valuable flower?

Trouble—and lots of it.

— Snarky flirting! Adventure! Sword fights! Listen, this is not prize-winning fiction, but Lucia is a fun heroine, the rest of her adventure-seeking friends are an absolute delight and you don’t have to think too much while reading it. All four books wrap up their individual storylines, but help set up the next one and while the ending felt a little forced (and way too quick) I didn’t hate it enough to throw the Kindle across the room.

Forest of Firelight by Shari L. Tapscsott

After the sudden death of her brother, Princess Amalia is charged with what feels like an impossible task—she must choose the next king. Youthful thoughts of love are pushed aside as she accepts her fate, setting upon a quest throughout the kingdom to find a man worthy of her father’s throne.

Little does Amalia know, someone has already set his sights on her.

Rhys is a man of secrets, and his mission is simple: befriend the princess of Renove. Coax her to trust him, convince her to follow him.

Betray her when it’s time.

All goes according to plan until Rhys meets the princess. Amalia is a disaster. Never has he met someone so drawn to trouble. Never has he met someone so irritatingly likable.

He’s not allowed to fall for her.

She could never entrust him with a crown.

But, unbeknownst to them, their unlikely partnership might be the key to saving their entire world from a darkness that’s slowly creeping from the wounded earth that separates one kingdom from the next.

— FORBIDDEN LOVE! It’s good! Real good! I read this whole series (or the three books in it, so far) in a questionably short amount of time. Again, not the deepest story, and Amalia is occasionally frustratingly dumb. While Rhys is also sort of all-knowing in that fantasy hero sort of way? Y’know what I mean? Still, they banter very well, and eventually kiss even better.

LESS GOOD FANTASY BOOKS THAT PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE JUST BEEN AVAILABLE FOR FREE ON AMAZON

Ash Princess by Laura Sebastian

Theodosia was six when her country was invaded and her mother, the Fire Queen, was murdered before her eyes. On that day, the Kaiser took Theodosia's family, her land, and her name. Theo was crowned Ash Princess—a title of shame to bear in her new life as a prisoner.

For ten years Theo has been a captive in her own palace. She's endured the relentless abuse and ridicule of the Kaiser and his court. She is powerless, surviving in her new world only by burying the girl she was deep inside.

Then, one night, the Kaiser forces her to do the unthinkable. With blood on her hands and all hope of reclaiming her throne lost, she realizes that surviving is no longer enough. But she does have a weapon: her mind is sharper than any sword. And power isn't always won on the battlefield.

For ten years, the Ash Princess has seen her land pillaged and her people enslaved. That all ends here.

— I wanted to love this series. So much so that I read the whole thing. All three books. And I’m still not sure why. The world building, maybe. Which was very good, and the politics actually kept me interested, but every single character was the absolute worst and I kind of wanted them all to die. That’s not even an exaggeration. Spoiler, they didn’t all die. I was only marginally disappointed.

Daughter of the Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller

When the ruthless Pirate King learns of a legendary treasure map hidden on an enemy ship, his daughter, Alosa, knows that there's only one pirate for the job—herself. Leaving behind her beloved ship and crew, Alosa deliberately facilitates her own kidnapping to ensure her passage on the enemy ship. After all, who's going to suspect a seventeen-year-old girl locked in a cell?Then she meets the (surprisingly perceptive and unfairly attractive) first mate, Riden, who is charged with finding out all her secrets. Now it's down to a battle of wits and will... Can Alosa find the map and escape before Riden figures out her plan?

— Alosa was kind of the worst? Like, STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER who had to keep reminding you how strong she was because she would kill anyone, and had an all female pirate crew. And the whole time I was just like, ok...cool. Still, I read the sequel too and that was slightly better.

The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller

Alessandra is tired of being overlooked, but she has a plan to gain power:

1) Woo the Shadow King.

2) Marry him.

3) Kill him and take his kingdom for herself.

No one knows the extent of the freshly crowned Shadow King's power. Some say he can command the shadows that swirl around him to do his bidding. Others say they speak to him, whispering the thoughts of his enemies. Regardless, Alessandra knows what she deserves, and she's going to do everything within her power to get it.

But Alessandra's not the only one trying to kill the king. As attempts on his life are made, she finds herself trying to keep him alive long enough for him to make her his queen—all while struggling not to lose her heart. After all, who better for a Shadow King than a cunning, villainous queen?

— I cannot explain this book any way except to tell you it is so weird. Like, sometimes I remember I read this and all I can think is: why did this book happen? It felt like it started in the middle of the story, which is not a knock on the story itself, but mostly on the world building. Which was lacking to say the least. Also the resolution was super rushed and even more weird and I was like—why does he like her??? I still don’t know, honestly.

The Stars We Steal by Alexa Donne

Engagement season is in the air. Eighteen-year-old Princess Leonie "Leo" Kolburg, heir to a faded European spaceship, has only one thing on her mind: which lucky bachelor can save her family from financial ruin?

But when Leo's childhood friend and first love, Elliot, returns as the captain of a successful whiskey ship, everything changes. Elliot was the one who got away, the boy Leo's family deemed to be unsuitable for marriage. Now he's the biggest catch of the season and he seems determined to make Leo's life miserable. But old habits die hard, and as Leo navigates the glittering balls of the Valg Season, she finds herself falling for her first love in a game of love, lies, and past regrets.

— Another book whose lack of world building hurt it. Stuff just happened, and we were expected to understand it and be into it and I was neither. I had no reason to care about anyone in this book, especially Elliot who seemed like an asshole.

To Kill a Kingdom by Alexandra Christo

Princess Lira is siren royalty and the most lethal of them all. With the hearts of seventeen princes in her collection, she is revered across the sea. Until a twist of fate forces her to kill one of her own. To punish her daughter, the Sea Queen transforms Lira into the one thing they loathe most—a human. Robbed of her song, Lira has until the winter solstice to deliver Prince Elian's heart to the Sea Queen and or remain a human forever.The ocean is the only place Prince Elian calls home, even though he is heir to the most powerful kingdom in the world. Hunting sirens is more than an unsavory hobby—it's his calling. When he rescues a drowning woman in the ocean, she's more than what she appears. She promises to help him find the key to destroying all of sirenkind for good—But can he trust her? And just how many deals will Elian have to barter to eliminate mankind's greatest enemy?

— This book did not go the way I thought it was going to. Not a bad thing, but also not the best and the ending was...bleh. The middle, though? That was legit, and the action was good. I am always a fan of sword fights. Still, there was something that left me waiting for the final push towards great and it just never really came.

ROM-COMS WITH ONLY PASSABLY FRUSTRATING PLOTS AND GOOD KISSING

Party of Two by Jasmine Guillory

Dating is the last thing on Olivia Monroe's mind when she moves to LA to start her own law firm. But when she meets a gorgeous man at a hotel bar and they spend the entire night flirting, she discovers too late that he is none other than hotshot junior senator Max Powell. Olivia has zero interest in dating a politician, but when a cake arrives at her office with the cutest message, she can't resist—it is chocolate cake, after all.

Olivia is surprised to find that Max is sweet, funny, and noble—not just some privileged white politician, as she assumed him to be. Because of Max's high-profile job, they start seeing each other secretly, which leads to clandestine dates and silly disguises. But when they finally go public, the intense media scrutiny means people are now digging up her rocky past and criticizing her job, even her suitability as a trophy girlfriend. Olivia knows what she has with Max is something special, but is it strong enough to survive the heat of the spotlight?

— It was cute. Max was occasionally an idiot. The kissing was legit. Most of their problems could have very easily been solved, but that’s kind of this genre’s schtick.

The Worst Best Man by Mia Sosa

A wedding planner left at the altar? Yeah, the irony isn't lost on Carolina Santos, either. But despite that embarrassing blip from her past, Lina's offered an opportunity that could change her life. There's just one hitch... she has to collaborate with the best (make that worst) man from her own failed nuptials. Marketing expert Max Hartley is determined to make his mark with a coveted hotel client looking to expand its brand. Then he learns he'll be working with his brother's whip-smart, stunning—absolutely off-limits—ex-fiancée. And she loathes him.If they can nail their presentation without killing each other, they'll both come out ahead. Except Max has been public enemy number one ever since he encouraged his brother to jilt the bride, and Lina's ready to dish out a little payback of her own.Soon Lina and Max discover animosity may not be the only emotion creating sparks between them. Still, this star-crossed couple can never be more than temporary playmates because Lina isn't interested in falling in love and Max refuses to play runner-up to his brother ever again...

— Once you got past the hooking up with your ex’s brother thing, it was cute. Max was endearing in an earnest sort of way, even when Lina was STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER in a cliche sort of way. More solid kissing. Side note, why are so many rom com dudes named Max? Does it sound hip? Passably cool, but also approachable? Discuss. 

Not that Kind of Guy by Andie J. Christopher

State attorney Bridget Nolan is successful in all aspects of her life—except romance. After breaking up with her longtime boyfriend, she's been slow to reenter the dating scene. To be honest, she has more important things to do like putting bad guys behind bars. But with her brother's wedding right around the corner, she suddenly needs a date and fast. Lucky for Bridget, the legal intern is almost done with his program.

Matt Kido is dumbstruck by Bridget—total love at first sight—but there's one problem. She's totally off-limits while she's his boss. But the moment he no longer reports to her, Matt asks her on a date. An impulsive decision takes them to Las Vegas where, as the saying goes, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Unless you put a ring on it.

— Having written the “wake up in Vegas married” trope before, I know it’s difficult to do right. Consent’s a thing, y’know? And stuff gets dicy with forgotten memories, and all that, but mostly what kept me from truly loving this book was the intern thing. Don’t date your interns guys, it’s weird and off-putting. Literally if he’d just been a junior partner, or a visiting partner or something else I would have been all in.

Meet Cute by Helena Hunting

Kailyn Flowers was always calm, rational, and controlled—until she ended up sprawled all over Daxton Hughes, the former actor she totally crushed on as a teenager. Then she did the unthinkable: She became a mortifying fangirl in five seconds flat, which may or may not have included professing her undying love. And oddly, he didn't run away. In fact, their meet cute led to a friendship she never saw coming. Of course, she never saw his betrayal coming, either...Now Dax needs her help. As guardian to his thirteen-year-old sister, he's in way over his head. And though Kailyn hasn't forgiven Dax, she isn't heartless enough to make him fend for himself, either. Soon their friendly meetings turn into flirty dinner dates, and Kailyn can feel their chemistry is as explosive as ever. But how can she possibly let down her guard again to a guy who has heartbreak written all over him?

— Once again here for the one that got away trope, even if this comes with dead parents and some sad storylines. It still managed to be cute. Everyone was cute in it. Occasionally Daxton was a dick. As rom com male leads are apt to be.

If I Never Met You by Mhairi McFarlane

If faking love is this easy... how do you know when it's real?When her partner of over a decade suddenly ends things, Laurie is left reeling—not only because they work at the same law firm and she has to see him every day. Her once perfect life is in shambles and the thought of dating again in the age of Tinder is nothing short of horrifying. When news of her ex's pregnant girlfriend hits the office grapevine, taking the humiliation lying down is not an option. Then a chance encounter in a broken-down elevator with the office playboy opens up a new possibility.Jamie Carter doesn't believe in love, but he needs a respectable, steady girlfriend to impress their bosses. Laurie wants a hot new man to give the rumor mill something else to talk about. It's the perfect proposition: a fauxmance played out on social media, with strategically staged photographs and a specific end date in mind. With the plan hatched, Laurie and Jamie begin to flaunt their new couple status, to the astonishment—and jealousy—of their friends and colleagues. But there's a fine line between pretending to be in love and actually falling for your charming, handsome fake boyfriend...

— FAKE DATING THAT LEADS TO REAL FEELINGS. The ex-boyfriend was an assssss, the fake boyfriend was charming, everything was good AND THEN WE GOT TO THE END. Which felt more than a little rushed, unexpected and not really in line with the rest of the book?? Give ‘em a slightly better, in-character ending, and I would have been sold.

BOOKS THAT I WAS LIKE...EH, OK

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.

But behind the scenes, a fierce competition is underway: a duel between two young magicians, Celia and Marco, who have been trained since childhood expressly for this purpose by their mercurial instructors. Unbeknownst to them both, this is a game in which only one can be left standing. Despite the high stakes, Celia and Marco soon tumble headfirst into love, setting off a domino effect of dangerous consequences, and leaving the lives of everyone, from the performers to the patrons, hanging in the balance.

— I think this book was too smart for me. The prose was gorgeous, and the whole thing was very pretty and I definitely swooned when Marco said he wished for Celia. And yet. By the end I was like...eh, ok. Maybe it was the timeline? Jumping around, or how little dialogue there was. I wanted to like it all so badly, and I’m just not sure I did.

Acting on Impulse by Mia Sosa

After a very public breakup with a media-hungry politician, fitness trainer Tori Alvarez escapes to Aruba for rest, relaxation, and copious amounts of sex on the beach—the cocktail, that is. She vows to keep her vacation a man-free zone but when a cute guy is seated next to her on the plane, Tori can't resist a little harmless flirting.Hollywood heartthrob Carter Stone underwent a dramatic physical transformation for his latest role and it's clear his stunning seat mate doesn't recognize the man beneath the shaggy beard and extra lean frame. Now Carter needs help rebuilding his buff physique and Tori is perfect for the job. It doesn't hurt that she makes his pulse pound in more ways than one.Sparks are flying, until a pesky paparazzo reveals Carter's identity. Tori is hurt and pissed. She wants nothing to do with another man in the limelight, but she's still got to whip him into shape. Can Carter convince Tori he's worth the threat to her privacy that comes with dating a famous actor, or will Tori chisel him down to nothing before he even gets the chance?

— Dudes have gotta stop lying about who they are. It’s not a great trope. Other than that, the kissing was good. The romance was like...eh. I honestly don’t remember much else.

Twice in a Blue Moon by Christina Lauren

During a whirlwind two-week vacation abroad, Sam and Tate fell for each other in only the way that first loves do: sharing all of their hopes, dreams, and deepest secrets along the way. Sam was the first, and only, person that Tate—the long-lost daughter of one of the world's biggest film stars—ever revealed her identity to. So when it became clear her trust was misplaced, her world shattered for good.

Fourteen years later, Tate, now an up-and-coming actress, only thinks about her first love every once in a blue moon. When she steps onto the set of her first big break, he's the last person she expects to see. Yet here Sam is, the same charming, confident man she knew, but even more alluring than she remembered. Forced to confront the man who betrayed her, Tate must ask herself if it's possible to do the wrong thing for the right reason... and whether "once in a lifetime" can come around twice.

— This book was...weird. The early romance was wonderful and delightful, but then shit hit the fan and Sam and Tate are adults and...weird. Like, I cannot come up with another word for it. Also, they didn’t really talk much? As adults? Working on the same movie set? W e i r d.

I Owe You One by Sophie Kinsella

Fixie Farr has always lived by her father’s motto: “Family first.” And since her dad passed away, leaving his charming housewares store in the hands of his wife and children, Fixie spends all her time picking up the slack from her siblings instead of striking out on her own. The way Fixie sees it, if she doesn’t take care of her father’s legacy, who will?

It’s simply not in Fixie’s nature to say no to people. So when a handsome stranger in a coffee shop asks her to watch his laptop for a moment, she not only agrees—she ends up saving it from certain disaster. To thank Fixie for her quick thinking, the computer’s owner, Sebastian, an investment manager, scribbles an IOU on a coffee sleeve and attaches his business card. Fixie laughs it off—she’d never actually claim an IOU from a stranger. Would she?

But then Fixie’s childhood crush, Ryan, comes back into her life, and his lack of a profession pushes all of Fixie’s buttons. As always, she wants nothing for herself—but she’d love Seb to give Ryan a job. No sooner has Seb agreed than the tables are turned once more and a new series of IOUs between Seb and Fixie—from small favors to life-changing moments—ensues. Soon Fixie, Ms. Fixit for everyone else, is torn between her family and the life she really wants. Does she have the courage to take a stand? Will she finally grab the life, and love, she really wants?

— Let’s be upfront, I’ve read a lot of Sophie Kinsella in my life, and more often than not I enjoy what she writes. I mostly did here. It was a book. With obvious rom com problems, that could have very easily been solved, but it wasn’t horrible. So, that was good, I guess.

The Wedding Party by Jasmine Guillory

Maddie and Theo have two things in common:

1. Alexa is their best friend

2. They hate each other

After an "oops, we made a mistake" night together, neither one can stop thinking about the other. With Alexa's wedding rapidly approaching, Maddie and Theo both share bridal party responsibilities that require more interaction with each other than they're comfortable with. Underneath the sharp barbs they toss at each other is a simmering attraction that won't fade. It builds until they find themselves sneaking off together to release some tension when Alexa isn't looking, agreeing they would end it once the wedding is over. When it's suddenly pushed up and they only have a few months left of secret rendezvouses, they find themselves regretting that the end is near. Two people this different can't possibly have a connection other than the purely physical, right?

But as with any engagement with a nemesis, there are unspoken rules that must be abided by. First and foremost, don't fall in love.

— Eh, this book happened. I still have no idea why they couldn’t be together from the get. Obstacles for the sake of plot, I guess. Also political side stories? I don’t know, guys.

WEIRD POST-ENDING FEELINGS WERE INDUCED

Beach Read by Emily Henry

Augustus Everett is an acclaimed author of literary fiction. January Andrews writes bestselling romance. When she pens a happily ever after, he kills off his entire cast.

They're polar opposites.

In fact, the only thing they have in common is that for the next three months, they're living in neighboring beach houses, broke, and bogged down with writer's block.

Until, one hazy evening, one thing leads to another and they strike a deal designed to force them out of their creative ruts: Augustus will spend the summer writing something happy, and January will pen the next Great American Novel. She'll take him on field trips worthy of any rom-com montage, and he'll take her to interview surviving members of a backwoods death cult (obviously). Everyone will finish a book and no one will fall in love. Really.

— Listen, I enjoyed this a lot. For the most part. It was funny, and introspective in a way that didn’t make me want to gag too much, and I wanted to defend January’s love of love with everything in me. But, then it—ended. And it was like...all tied up with this nice little ribbon and happily ever after, and I was like...oh, ok. Part of me that it was glad it ended like that, mostly because of who I am as a person, but the rest of me was also confused that after everything January and Augustus had been through and how messy their lives were it could just get all wrapped up in this HEA.

HITTING JUST A BIT TOO CLOSE TO HOME

Spoiler Alert by Olivia Dade

Marcus Caster-Rupp has a secret. The world may know him as Aeneas, star of the biggest show on television, but fanfiction readers call him something else: Book!AeneasWouldNever. Marcus gets out his frustrations with the show through anonymous stories about the internet's favorite couple, Aeneas and Lavinia. But if anyone discovered his online persona, he'd be finished in Hollywood.April Whittier has secrets of her own. A hardcore Lavinia fan, she's long hidden her fanfic and cosplay hobbies from her "real life"—but not anymore. When she dares to post her latest costume creation on Twitter, her plus-size take goes viral. And when Marcus asks her out to spite her internet critics, truth officially becomes stranger than fanfiction. On their date, Marcus quickly realizes he wants more from April than a one-time publicity stunt. But when he discovers she's Unapologetic Lavinia Stan, his closest fandom friend, he has one more huge secret to keep from her.With love and Marcus's career on the line, can the two of them stop hiding once and for all, or will a match made in fandom end up prematurely cancelled?

— Here for plus-size heroines who get the guy and don’t have their (entire) storyline defined by their looks. Less here for the weird fandom culture, the ensuing second-hand embarrassment that came from that and the thankfulness that both Colin O’Donoghue and Bob Morley appear to be happily married so it seems very unlikely they’re writing fic about their characters under pseudonyms. Stop using Ao3 in actual published stories 2k4ever.

RAGE-INDUCING BOOKS OF ABSOLUTE FURY

The Friend Zone by Abby Jimenez

Kristen Peterson doesn't do drama, will fight to the death for her friends, and has no room in her life for guys who just don't get her. She's also keeping a big secret: facing a medically necessary procedure that will make it impossible for her to have children.Planning her best friend's wedding is bittersweet for Kristen — especially when she meets the best man, Josh Copeland. He's funny, sexy, never offended by her mile-wide streak of sarcasm, and always one chicken enchilada ahead of her hangry. Even her dog, Stuntman Mike, adores him. The only catch: Josh wants a big family someday. Kristen knows he'd be better off with someone else, but as their attraction grows, it's harder and harder to keep him at arm's length.The Friend Zone will have you laughing one moment and grabbing for tissues the next as it tackles the realities of infertility and loss with wit, heart, and a lot of sass.

— LISTEN THERE ARE SPOILERS HERE, BUT I FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THEM BECAUSE THIS BOOK IS A SECRET GUT PUNCH AND PEOPLE SHOULD BE AWARE. Not only is infertility, like, the defining theme of this book, but the BEST FRIEND DIES. Just—dies. It’s horrible. Absolutely God awful depressing. And for a second he looks like he won’t, and it’ll be fine, but then it is not and he’s just D E A D. I know, I know that sets up the sequel, but this was so goddamn heavy in an unsuspecting way that I have absolutely no intention of reading the next one.

Well Met by Jen DeLuca

Emily knew there would be strings attached when she relocated to the small town of Willow Creek, Maryland, for the summer to help her sister recover from an accident, but who could anticipate getting roped into volunteering for the local Renaissance Faire alongside her teenaged niece? Or that the irritating and inscrutable schoolteacher in charge of the volunteers would be so annoying that she finds it impossible to stop thinking about him?

The faire is Simon's family legacy and from the start he makes clear he doesn't have time for Emily's lighthearted approach to life, her oddball Shakespeare conspiracy theories, or her endless suggestions for new acts to shake things up. Yet on the faire grounds he becomes a different person, flirting freely with Emily when she's in her revealing wench's costume. But is this attraction real, or just part of the characters they're portraying?

This summer was only ever supposed to be a pit stop on the way to somewhere else for Emily, but soon she can't seem to shake the fantasy of establishing something more with Simon or a permanent home of her own in Willow Creek.

— FUCK THIS BOOK. And fuck Simon, specifically. Oh, you have a sad story? Cool, you’re still a dick. He was a dick. Listen, I know enemies to lovers is a hard trope to write, but it’s even harder to accept when those enemies just announce I LIKED YOU THE WHOLE TIME and then everyone starts ripping off their clothes. No, it’s dumb. I hate it. Apparently there’s a sequel to this book. Maybe that’s better.

Kiss My Cupcake by Helena Hunting

Blaire Calloway has planned every Instagram-worthy moment of her cupcake and cocktails shop launch down to the tiniest detail. What she didn't plan on? Ronan Knight and his old-school sports bar next door opening on the very same day. He may be super swoony, but Blaire hasn't spent years obsessing over buttercream and bourbon to have him ruin her chance at success.From axe throwing (his place) to frosting contests (hers), Blaire and Ronan are constantly trying to one-up each other in a battle to win new customers. But with every clash, there's also an undeniable chemistry. When an even bigger threat to their business comes to town, they're forced to call a temporary time-out on their own war and work together. And the more time Blaire spends getting to know the real Ronan, the more she wonders if it's possible to have her cupcake and eat it too.

— Listen, I wanted to like this one. There were plenty other Helena Hunting books on this list, so like—I don’t hate her. I just hate poorly executed enemies to lovers plot lines. Give me at least one moment where they are interested in each other aside from just being attracted to each other. Also: Stop Having Dudes Be Dicks Because Of Their Sad Backstory 2k4ever.

Don’t You Forget About Me by Mhairi McFarlane

You always remember your first love... don't you?If there's anything worse than being fired from the worst restaurant in town, it's coming home early to find your boyfriend in bed with someone else. Reeling from the humiliation of a double dumping in one day, Georgina takes the next job that comes her way—bartender in a newly opened pub. There's only one problem: it's run by the guy she fell in love with years ago. And—make that two problems—he doesn't remember her. At all. But she has fabulous friends and her signature hot pink fur coat... what more could a girl really need?Lucas McCarthy has not only grown into a broodingly handsome man, but he's also turned into an actual grown-up, with a thriving business and a dog along the way. Crossing paths with him again throws Georgina's rocky present into sharp relief—and brings a secret from her past bubbling to the surface. Only she knows what happened twelve years ago, and why she's allowed the memories to chase her ever since. But maybe it's not too late for the truth... or a second chance with the one that got away?

— HE WAS JUST PRETENDING NOT TO REMEMBER HER THE WHOLE TIME???? WHAT?? WHY??? D U M B. Dumb boys are dumb.

Not the Girl You Marry by Andie J. Christopher

Jack Nolan is a gentleman, a journalist, and unlucky in love. His viral success has pigeon-holed him as the how-to guy for a buzzy, internet media company instead of covering hard-hitting politics. Fed up with his fluffy articles and the app-based dating scene as well, he strikes a deal with his boss to write a final piece de resistance: How to Lose a Girl. Easier said than done when the girl he meets is Hannah Mayfield, and he's not sure he wants her to dump him.

Hannah is an extremely successful event planner who's focused on climbing the career ladder. Her firm is one of the most prestigious in the city, and she's determined to secure her next promotion. But Hannah has a bit of an image problem. She needs to show her boss that she has range, including planning dreaded, romantic weddings. Enter Jack. He's the perfect man to date for a couple weeks to prove to her boss that she's not scared of feelings.

Before Jack and Hannah know it, their fake relationship starts to feel all too real—and neither of them can stand to lose each other.

— This is actually the prequel to Not That Kind of Guy and I honestly can’t believe I read that after hating this book so much. They were awful to each other! Their whole relationship was based on lies! Mean lies! Horrible lies! Don’t lie to your significant other!

[twdmusicboxmystery]

10x22: Here’s Negan - Details

All right. Here are a LOT of details. 

***As always, spoilers abound below for 10x22. Don’t read until you’ve watched!***

We start with Maggie and Hershel walking around Alexandria early in the morning. She calls him “a little rat” affectionately, which I’m side eying. Because of Carol’s rat last episode and because we already established parallels between Hershel and Beth from ep 17 in that he went missing and Maggie and Daryl searched for him.

Then they sing “you are my sunshine” together, which is the same song Carl sang Negan. Because the sun is a Beth symbol, we’ve always seen her in that song. I also wonder if it foreshadows Maggie losing Hershel in some way. I don’t mean him dying, but rather being kidnapped. A lot of us have thought about one or some of the kids being taken at some point, and their parents having to search for them.  

Carol looks out a broken window (Broken Glass Theory) and sees the exchange. So, she leaves Alexandria and takes Negan with her.

Actually, the next thing we see is a dead rabbit she pulls from a snare. The rabbit is SUPER interesting. I answered an Ask HERE about the moon rabbit, and I really love this explanation of the symbol. It makes perfect sense for Beth because the moon rabbit sacrificed itself, which is exactly what Father Gabriel said cryptically in 5x16. “How you sacrificed one of your own….”

Plus the Moon rabbit is resurrected and combines the moon symbol and the rabbit symbol.

So what does it mean in this context? 

Well, I still don’t want to go into too much detail, though I will soon. (I promise.) But if rabbit = Beth, I think this is yet another example of symbolism that points to Negan and Beth having a big arc together later. (And Carol will probably be thrown into the mix.)

That evening, Negan drinks by the fire. What he’s drinking is clearly moonshine. It’s from one of those big glass moonshine bottles. I don’t know where he got it. I looked a second time at the stuff they left for him, and it might be in there, but if so, it isn’t visible. It would certainly be interesting if Daryl left him moonshine, but I don’t see any super-obvious hint at that. If it’s already there in the cabin, well, that’s Leah’s cabin, so….

This is where he sees his old self from the trailer. Some of the dialogue jumps out at me as things Daryl might say about himself. Evil Negan says to his good self, “You are nothing without her.” That sort of thing.

The next day he goes back to the tree with the stained-glass windows where Rick cut his throat. One of the plate glass windows has a hole in it and the other one is lying on the ground. 

My go-to explanation of course is that the one with the hole represents the bullet hole in Beth’s head. (We actually said this of the stained-glass window in Father Gabriel’s church that Sasha shoots a hole in in 5x16 as well.) And I always see someone falling down as a serious injury. So, when Beth belly-flopped in the elevator shaft with Noah, that was a foreshadow of her getting shot. So I’m kind of seeing the window lying flat on the ground in the same way.

Of course, Negan digs up Lucille, and then it goes into the flashbacks.

It starts of course with him being a prisoner of the biker gang. We do think this gang is a parallel of the Claimers from S4. Remember that I said, overall, Negan = Daryl, right? So, this guy (Craven) even kind of looks like Joe Claimer. They dress in a similar fashion, are rough-and-tumble kind of dudes. But also, Negan runs into them after he loses Lucille. He doesn’t realize she’s died at that point, but she has. Just like Daryl ran into the Claimers after being separated from Beth in Alone.

And we immediately see a blue cooler with IV bags inside. They’re Lucille’s chemo treatments. So blue cooler/Frosty Cola symbolism. Plus this can parallel to 6x06 when Daryl accidentally took off with Tina’s medicine when he met Dwight. Basically, these are both pointing to the same thing: a future arc involving Daryl and Beth. There are also 22s on the IV bags. So, 22 theory.

I will say that the format of this episode is a lot like 10x18 because so much of it is flashback. They even use the same font to show the time jumps. The main difference is that with Daryl, they started 5 years ago and then jumped forward, toward the present. Here, they actually move backward first and then forward again.

So it’s like a swinging pendulum. They go back 12 years to where he’s a prisoner of the bikers. Then it goes back 6 weeks to when he’s with Lucille in their home , and then it jumps back again to before the apocalypse when she first found out she had cancer, which was right about the time the turn happened. And then it moves forward to the two of them together in the house, and then back to him with the bikers.

Okay, so, “12 Years Ago” he’s telling his story to the bikers.

Then it actually says “Two or Three Days Ago” and it’s odd to me that they don’t specify which one it is. Negan says he found the mobile medical clinic 2 or 3 days ago, but there’s got to be a reason they don’t just go with one or the other. Anyway, this is when he found an RV with supplies. He tries to hold the doctor up and Laura (Savior) comes up behind him with a bat and hits him.

We also get a bit of a hallucination theme. When Negan looks at the RV and the dummy guards on the roof, his sight sort of warps in and out like he can’t tell for sure. When he wakes up, he’s also hooked to an IV. (Parallel to Beth at Grady.) The doctor says he was dehydrated, malnourished, and exhausted. So maybe, in addition to all the mental break stuff we’ve already said about Daryl in 10x18, we should add these to the list.

“Six Weeks Earlier” and it shows him and Lucille. The first thing we see is that she tells him he’ll have to kill the walker but he doesn’t want to. He just turns off the generator, hoping it will go.

So, she makes him read Pride and Prejudice to her. The Pride and Prejudice thing is really interesting. He only reads a line or two, but anyone familiar with the story will be able to pick out the scene. Basically, in the story, a man asks Lizzie to marry him and she rejects him. He doesn’t love her or anything. He’s just looking for a “suitable” wife, and she can’t stand him. After she rejects him, her best friend marries him instead. And this friend doesn’t care that it’s not a love match. She just wants to be settled in life.

So the scene Negan reads part of is where the friend, Charlotte, is coming to tell Lizzie that she’s marrying him instead. This is the part Negan reads:

"I see what you are feeling," replied Charlotte. "You must be surprised, very much surprised--so lately as Mr. Collins was wishing to marry you. But when you have had time to think it over…”

Here’s the thing. No way they’re putting dialogue from such a well-known book like this into the show without reason. And I know they said on TTD that it’s supposed to be an Easter Egg for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Fair enough, but it’s not enough of an explanation for me. In the past, there have been things Nicotero has labelled as homages to various horror films, and I’m sure that’s true, but they’re also clearly Beth symbolism.

So, you could say that Pride and Prejudice and Zombies applies to Negan and Lucille. It’s a true love story, but zombies are thrown in. That works. But why this particular passage? It’s about NOT marrying for love, or the passing of a man’s offer of marriage from one woman to another. None of that applies to Negan and Lucille. It would have made more sense to have him read a different passage between Lizzie and Darcy, you know?

So, what does this mean? We’re not entirely sure, yet. For me, I tend to think it foreshadows a future arc (I’m sure you’re shocked) and I’ll get more into that in the next few days.

@wdway​ suggested perhaps we could apply it to the Leah situation. Daryl is in love with one woman, but hallucinating a relationship with another. I think that works, too. For now, let’s just keep it in mind, shall we? ;D

Dialogue parallels include Lucille saying, “we’ll have to kill it,” which parallels Beth saying the same thing about the walker at the moonshine shack.

And of course then we get that all important scene with the green wig, “serious” mention, IV stand and bag, and walker in the eye.

We see Negan going out to look for more gas for the generator, siphoning it out of cars.

We also see them having fun together. Obviously them playing darts is a callback to Still. The part where they play darts is actually just like half a second in the show, which just goes to show that they did the promo shot because they wanted us to see the symbols in the scene. I want to draw everyone’s attention to the fact that the British flag is printed on the darts. This is part of the template I’ll talk about in a day or two as well. For now, I just want you to notice it. It’s important.

When they do the candlelight dinner (*coughs alone*) they eat DOG food. Sirius reference. She suddenly says “happy anniversary” and pulls out a present for him. He says, “You know what day it is?” and she says, “no, I just wanted you to have this.” So I think the idea is that it’s not really their anniversary. She just said that as an excuse to give him a present. It reminded me a little of the “New Years Eve” theme we saw around the Claimers. Not exactly the same, but a similar vibe. It’s not REALLY New Year’s Eve. They’re just saying it as an excuse to do something else (in that case, kill Rick). Here, it’s not really their anniversary, but Lucille is saying that as an excuse to give him the jacket.

When Negan says she doesn’t owe him anything Lucille says, “I stuck with you because I could always see the man you are right now, even when you weren’t.” So again, kind of a Beth theme of seeing the best in him even when he doesn’t see it in himself. That’s a huge theme throughout this episode.

There’s more refrigerator/cooler symbolism when the fridge defrosts, ruining the last of Lucille’s treatments.

Then it jumps back to before the apocalypse. There were some symbols here as well. The main ones I noticed were specifically around Lucille. After her diagnosis, she gets in the car and hears the broadcast about the virus victims eating human flesh. Kind of a callback to hearing the Terminus broadcast in 4a.

Then she gets mad and says, just play some g**d*** music. (Music reference.) When the car pulls out, you have to check out this license plate!

XVD-1144. The 1-1 you should recognize from @frangipanilove’s 1-1 posts. The 44 references the comic book issue where Andrea was shot in the head, and survived. And of course there’s the X. So then @wdway had the ingenious idea to ask what roman numerals X and D stood for. X=5 and D=500. So we basically have “X, 550, 1-1, 44.” Yeah, series number 55 was Slabtown. Beth was on the 5th floor. And all the rooms around them in the hallway at Grady were in the 550s. If that’s not proof that Lucille is a Beth proxy, I don’t know what is.

Plus, notice the type of car: mustang. We’ve talked about this before, but horse symbolism, and the type of car is always important.

Another thing @wdway​ with her eagle eyes picked up. Lucille is scrolling back and forth between Negan and Janine’s numbers, right? Notice the date:

November 12. Recognize that:

Yeah, not kidding. It’s a reference to the headstone in Alone. 👀

Back in the future again, Lucille asks Negan to stay with her. You don’t realize this the first time watching it, but clearly she’s ready to die, and just wants him to be with her, but he’s bound and determined to save her, an goes anyway.

A couple of things to point out. Negan looking for meds parallels to Daryl looking for meds at the veterinary college in 4a. Also, on TTD they pointed out that Negan is constantly putting Lucille in a position to be alone. Before the apocalypse, he left her alone to fool around with another woman, who was her best friend. He made her go to the doctor alone. (Lucille alone at the hospital could = Beth at Grady.) We see him constantly leaving her here to get supplies. And he leaves for like 6 six weeks to track the mobile clinic.

I think that’s mostly an anti-parallel to Daryl. Daryl never left Beth intentionally. But I also think it could be a future theme, not in the sense that Daryl will leave her, but I’ve always thought he would feel super guilty because they left her behind and now she’s been “alone” for 8 years. And again, not physically alone as we know she’ll be part of other groups and such, but without him and her family.

Back with the medical people again, Laura gives Negan her bat, the one she first beaned him with, since he doesn’t have any other weapons.

All they said about Laura on TTD was that they wanted to use her—someone the audience would recognize—but also someone who had a relatively minor role. So they talked about how they could have brought Austin Amelio on and had Dwight give it to him, but because Dwight is a bigger character, and because his onscreen relationship with Negan was much bigger, it would have made it a Negan/Dwight moment and they wanted to keep this episode focused solely on Negan and Lucille. So they used Laura.

And sure, that’s fine. But they could have used any Savior they wanted. And why did they even WANT a familiar face? Why the return of the Savior with the blond hair, you know? I’m just saying. ;D

Of course Negan tells the biker gang where the medical RV is and then goes back to Lucille, but she’s already dead. This really was a very tragic episode.

We obviously have a suicide theme here, and the fact that Negan never actually shoots or stabs Lucille in the head, both of which parallel Beth. 

On TTD, YNB even pointed out that she’s wearing the same clothes as she was the day he left, which means she committed suicide the day he left. Most of the 6 weeks he’s been out looking for medical supplies, she was already dead. Super tragic, no?

We also see keys, matches, the blue cooler again, and Negan wrapping the barbed wire around his bat. 

So, a couple of preliminary thoughts here. The 6 weeks was bugging me because they said it 2 or 3 times, really emphasizing it. I’m kind of wanting to equate it to 6 seasons. Because if Beth doesn’t show until S11 (and clearly now she can’t, unless she shows in Fear or something, but I’m not holding my breath for that) then it will be 6 seasons since Beth left the show.

And again, it’s more anti-parallel than parallel. For 6 weeks, Negan thought Lucille was alive, but she was dead the entire time. For 6 seasons, Daryl thought Beth was dead, when really she’s been alive the whole time.

And, of course, Negan burns the house down, much like Beth and Daryl did in Still.

But here’s the other thing @wdway noticed. Check out the similarities here:

Similar colors and structures, and both seem to be on fire at some point. And I don’t think the cabin in 5x09 was pointing toward Negan and Lucille. Rather, I think the symbolism in both instances point toward something we haven’t seen, yet. But the parallels and repeated symbolism are there.

When Negan leaves, he gets on his bike with Lucille (the bat) and drives away from the burning house. And interestingly, we see him smack his mailbox with it and knock it off it’s post. 

Couple of things here:

The name “Smith” is written on the mailbox, so apparently that was their last name. And they mentioned it on TTD. Smith is such an everyman sort of name. It might be one of the most common surnames on the planet, so there’s definitely some interesting symbolism there having to do with Negan.

But I’m side-eyeing the actual mailbox, as part of the Communication Theme. And, on a very basic level, I’m thinking that the mailbox was intact when Lucille was still alive. He destroyed it after he lost her. So maybe it represents something along those lines, or even represents the person they lost. So mailbox = Beth.

The scene that keeps flashing in my head is from 6x03 when Daryl is riding around on his bike, searching for Rick, and he’s passing all these mailboxes in the background. 

Then in 10x21, we see him walking toward the military walker on the train tracks (*coughs CRM, *coughs Rick*) and he passes the blond, Beth walker, but doesn’t actually look at her or see her. Do you kind of see the similar theme there?

Negan brutally killing the biker gang can parallel Rick doing the same to Joe Claimer in 4x16.

Negan tells Craven a story about how he lost his job. He got in a bar fight. It was their favorite because it had a JUKE BOX. And they loved the juke box because it played their favorite song (You are So Beautiful to Me.) He even talks about “seeing red” and how he now realizes he can do anything he wants (read: kill anyone he wants) so we kind of see his evolution into S6 Negan here.

And honestly, they leave a lot of loose threads here. We never learn what happens to Franklin (he’s still alive at this point) and obviously Laura stays with Negan long term, but they really could do more flashbacks about how he started gathering people and found the Sanctuary.

So then we come back to the present where he’s just dug Lucille up under the stained glass window tree. In the first scene at the beginning, we see a walker making its way toward him. Yes, it’s a blond, female walker, and I’m pretty sure she’s wearing Daryl’s shirt from when he was at the Sanctuary. Here at the end, Negan has been lost in his own thoughts so long, the walker comes up behind him and he turns around and kills it with Lucille. 

When he does, the bat splits down the middle. Yet another symbol of Lucille’s death.

He goes back to the cabin and sits in front of the fire and talks to Lucille (both the bat and his actual wife). He says, “I’m sorry I left you…I made myself not feel anything…I miss you.” See how we could apply that to Daryl?

He also says, “I’m going to do your fighting for you,” which I take to mean he’ll honor her memory better, now, rather than go back to the old, evil Negan he was. Which was really just years of him avoiding his feelings about her death. (Kind of like Daryl has with Beth, hence the Leah situation.)

Then he covers the bat in a white cloth (clearly meant to be a shroud) and puts the bat in the fireplace, burning it. On TTD, they do say this is meant to be the funeral she never got. 👀

Oh, and at the end of the “in memoriam” on TTD, it actually says, “Negan is burning down his past.”

So, at the very end, he actually goes back to Alexandria. Maggie, Carol, and Daryl are near the entrance and he asks where the “A” team is going. Carol warns Negan that if he lives at Alexandria, Maggie will kill him at some point. I actually really liked this ending. It was a good way to kick us into S11.

That’s the end of the episode. So, I’ll say this again and it will be a good segue into my next post about what I think Beth’s arc will be in S11, and how she’ll appear. I’ll post it either tomorrow or Thursday.

Without getting too much into the weeds, I think Negan and Beth will have some major, future interaction. And I really think the symbolism here backs it up, for various reasons. The symbolism itself wouldn’t prove anything, as we’ve seen this stuff repeated with lots of different characters and especially true love couples, which Negan and Lucille clearly were, despite his cheating.

But on TTD, Hilarie Burton talked about how strong Lucille was. She said she liked the character because so often when cancer victims or victims of other prolonged diseases are portrayed on film, they’re seen as angelic, ethereal beings. And while that’s fine if that’s truly who they are, you don’t lose your personality just because you become sick. So she liked it that Lucille was a little rough around the edges. She says that even before the apocalypse, Negan was just fussy enough that he would need a strong woman to rein him in, and he would also be attracted to exactly this kind of strong woman. 

Strong woman = Beth.

So, I’ll just leave it there.

Anyone find any symbols I missed?

[haikusarerad]

Day 5 of 30 Days of Writing

Sorry for the delay in posting these. I've had a terrible cold the last week and was finally able to haul myself out of bed. This prompt was definitely one of my favorites. I might tuck this idea away for a short story in the future.

I'm following the writing prompt by LyraLynne on WriteTheWorld.com. Click the link for the full 30 days and write a long with me!

5. Write a dramatic scene that takes place in a church.

Angelo shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His nostrils burned from the stench of frankincense. He looked around carefully. Why did Casey want to meet here? He had heard that Casey was one for dramatics but, a church? They wouldn’t even be alone here. His eyes shifted from one group to the other. What are these people even doing? Praying? From the right corner towards the front of the alter, Casey emerged in the doorway and quietly slipped into the pew next to Angelo. His dark brown trench coat was drenched and his fedora sat low on his brow. Angelo began to wonder if this was a dead end. “You’re Angelo, right?” Casey murmured quietly. Angelo sighed, “Yes, that’s me.” They sat in silence for a moment before Angelo finally asked, “So… you mentioned you had information on Biotech’s work in Nicaragua?”

Casey shifted nervously, pulling a manila envelope out from under his coat. His eyes darted around, resting briefly on each set of couples in the pews. Angelo wasn’t sure why, but he suddenly felt nervous.

***

It was foolish to assume there was ever a good time for a robbery. There never was. Jianna knew the chances of the basilica being completing empty were slim to none, but she decided they should take their chances. She glanced towards her little sister, Justin, just as she snapped her fingers to light a candle. Jianna hissed. “Are you mad? We’re trying to go unnoticed and you use magic?”

Justin rolled her eyes. She looked bored as she scanned the lingering worshipers. “No one’s even paying attention to us.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point?” Justin snapped. She felt ridiculous. Jianna was too serious with her grandeur and rituals. If she wanted to blend in, why did she insist they wear their casting robes made of fine purple velvet and completely, utterly, out of style? Who were they going to suspect stole the Saint John’s medallion if not the two weirdos dressed like witches?

***

She kept looking over her shoulder nervously. She knew it wouldn’t be long before her father found her missing from her room. He didn’t trust her these days, though she couldn’t blame him. Abigail had been thrill seeking lately. She didn’t quite know how to describe it. Life was boring and dreary. She craved controversy and turmoil. That’s probably whey she started dating Jared if she was being honest with herself. She didn’t particularly like him, but her father hated him. That was what really mattered.

Her father didn’t say much when she died her hair black and started wearing the heavy eyeliner. She sighed to herself. He wasn’t a bad guy.

“What’s wrong babe?” Jared said in his normal conversational volume. “Be quiet!” Abigale fumed. The last thing she needed was attention from all these shifty adults. Who goes to a church at 2 o’clock in the morning? No one normal, that’s for sure. Her and Jared had been coming here every night this week to hook up. Shocking the devout and making them uncomfortable was an added bonus. She felt the shame pierce through her as Jared sucked on her neck.

***

Angelo gasped as he read the last line of the document over and over again. “It was Hector the whole time?” he gaped at Casey, his heart falling into his stomach. Casey nodded solemnly as he glanced towards the kids in the back of the church. His eyes shifted to the front of the church and he froze. Angelo looked up following Casey’s gaze. He furrowed his eyebrows at the shocked expression on the teens’ face. He couldn’t help the urge to look away when he noticed the other teen’s hand stuck down the front of her pants. He followed her line of site directly to the two women in what appeared to be ceremonial robes. While they bickered quietly, a golden necklace appeared to hover in place between them. “What the hell…” he murmured as him and Casey stared, trying to make sense of the situation.

Suddenly the heavy oak doors in the back of the basilica burst open. Wood clattered against marble, echoing and amplifying around them.

“Stop right there!” a voice bellowed.

[sunflowergirl522]

You Had Me at Chicken Tenders

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Writing Prompt: You had an assigned seat next to them at a wedding for a mutual friend

Word Count: 1548

Warnings: language, drinking

Masterlist

***

Bucky’s day was not going as planned.

His alarm didn’t go off so he slept until twelve because Steve kept him up late so he could help him finish writing his best man speech. He loved his best friend but he sure had a way of procrastinating everything. So then he had to rush a shower and get dressed so he could get to the church by two. And right when he was getting ready to leave Alpine threw up.

So here he is trying to find a parking space with only twenty minutes until the wedding starts. And of course the church has the smallest parking lot known to man and everyone was here already. He was getting ready to just block someone in when he spotted the last open spot. He doesn’t think twice before parking and jumping out to make his way to the church.

The only pews left were in the back and that was perfect. Bucky could be the first one out the doors to leave to make it to the reception on time.

***

Everything was going wrong.

Sam left his tie at home so you had to run to the closest clothes store to find him one. While you were there Wanda called you crying about how the photographer was gonna be late if they even made it at all. So finding a replacement was on you. You didn’t understand why they both had decided to treat you as if you were a part of the wedding instead of having Steve or Pietro do all of this, they were the best man and ‘man of honor’ anyway.

You found a dark navy blue tie that, from a distance, appeared to be black and made your way back to the church. You called your best friend MJ to come take the pictures since she was majoring in photography. Both problems were taken care of.

“Okay, I know it’s blue but it’s the darkest I could find. It’s a clip on too so just put it on now and don’t lose it.” You basically throw the tie at Sam when you get to him.

“Have I told you recently that you’re my favorite cousin?”

“You haven’t but I better be after treating me like your best man without giving me the title.” You were getting ready to bring up the photographer thing to him but Pietro makes his way to you before you can.

“Y/n, Wanda has lost her shoes.”

“What? Pietro it’s ten minutes till the fucking wedding, why didn’t you call me while I was at the store? Or find them yourself?” Your voice is hushed so as not to alarm anyone in the front rows.

“She just discovered them missing. She thinks they’re either in her car or in one of the other rooms.”

“You, go look in the car, I’ll run around and find them.” You throw your hair in a quick bun and slip your shoes off ready to run around everywhere.

“What can I do?”

“Sam you just stay here and get ready to be married. I’ll fix this.”

You know you sound exasperated and annoyed but you can’t help it, you’re tired. Sam kept you up all last night to help him with his anxiety about today. You spent the night at his place like you were the youngest at the family reunions again and having to share a bed. He woke up close to seven and tried to leave you to rest but, being a light sleeper you are, the sounds of him entering and leaving the bathroom woke you up too.

After running round for a few minutes you discover that her shoes are in the bathroom attached to the dressing room she’s in. You quickly tell Wanda how beautiful she looks and with only a few minutes to spare you rush out into the seating area of the church. Sam gives you an anxious look and you just give him a thumbs up and a smile before looking at the pew next to you, where an attractive stranger is already looking at you as if you’re crazy.

Bucky’s attention is immediately drawn to you when you come dashing out of the back with your shoes in your hand and hair falling out of a bun. He can’t help but wonder how someone who looks so disheveled and exhausted could still look so beautiful. He’s stunned really, and because of that he doesn’t notice your quick interaction with Sam.

“Anyone sitting there?” You point to right next to him and before he can answer you continue. “No, okay cool, thanks.”

The music begins almost right after you sit down and Bucky can’t peel his eyes away as you pull the band out, allowing your (y/h/c) curls to fall around your shoulders. And he can’t help but notice the way your skirt rises a little when you reach down to put your shoes on.

“Hey, can you do me a favor?” You look up at him, hair falling in your face a little, while you finish the straps to your shoes. Bucky can only nod as he swallows at the sight of you. “Can you wake me up when the vows start? I could really use a power nap.”

“Um, y-yeah sure.” Bucky has to clear his throat to gain back his speech. You mumble a thanks in response and he goes tense when you lay your head on his shoulder to sleep.

Bucky doesn’t move the whole ceremony so as not to wake the sleeping beauty. You look so peaceful he doesn’t even want to wake you when the vows are about to begin, but he also doesn’t want you to miss them. He moves his shoulder to nudge you and smiles at how you mumble for ‘five more minutes’.

“Doll, the vows are beginning.”

You sit up straight immediately and look over at the attractive blue eyed man. “Thank you, I didn’t stay up the past few nights helping to perfect these to miss them.” Bucky wants to know what you mean but Sam starts speaking and you stop paying attention to him.

***

The reception was in full swing and all Bucky wanted was to eat, he had missed breakfast and lunch due to how his day had started. He was seated at a table close to where the wedding party was which in this case was just Steve, Sam, Wanda, and Pietro. They only wanted to have the main parts to not offend anyone who didn’t make it in. Bucky’s table consisted of him, Natasha, Clint, Scott, Thor, and an empty seat next to him assigned to a Y/n.

The food is being delivered to tables when you show up to the reception hoping no one notices the bookbag you have. Most tables are full while you look for your assigned spot.

“What the fuck is this?”

“There’s no meat?”

“It’s a spring roll, just eat it and stop being babies.”

A myriad of voices meet your ears when you are near the last table to check for your spot. You immediately recognize the stranger from the ceremony.

“Nat this is bad.”

“It’s all leaves!”

“Clint, Scott shut up and just eat them or don’t, stop complaining.”

“They have a point Natasha, why isn’t there meat?”

“It’s because when they were planning this Wanda was trying to be a vegetarian.” The tables attention turns to you as you sit down. “So even though it was heavily suggested,” you begin to speak through your teeth and shoot a glare at Sam who didn’t listen to you, “that they have some meat options, Sam insisted that everything has to be vegetarian so Wanda doesn’t feel weird. I’m Y/n, who are you guys?”

“Bucky!” Bucky blurts his name out before anyone else could have a chance to and then goes to fix how eager he sounds. “I’m Bucky, this is Clint, Scott, Thor, and Natasha.”

“Pleasure to meet you all. Now why does it sound like you’re all complaining?”

“They don’t like the food.” Nats the one to answer you, rolling her eyes at them all.

“Hey Buck, you want a chicken tender?” You open your bag and pull one out to hand to him. You made sure to say it loud enough that the whole table could hear you.

Bucky accepts it with a thank you while trying to pay no mind to the way you saying his name made his heart flutter.

“You sharing with everyone?” Scott leans over Clint to see how many you had with you.

“I think I’ve got enough to go around.”

Everyone was so thankful that you had ‘actual food’ as Thor had put it. You become quick friends with your whole table and the night is spent with you all drinking together and making jokes.

“So doll, you ever hooked up with someone from a wedding?” The alcohol in him gave him the extra boost of confidence he needed to ask.

“Can’t say I have. How ‘bout we get out of here so I can check that off my bucket list?” You lean in close and pull on his tie a bit and after he nods, you lead him out of the building.

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 1

There Is Strength in Sweetness 

Much like the years, the seasons of D20 start coming and they don’t stop coming. Fantasy High: Sophomore Year is barely in the record books and we’re already jumping into our new season--the Game of Thrones/Candyland mashup: A Crown of Candy!

If y’all have been with me since Sophomore Year then you know that I did very in depth recaps of every episode with a very specific format but I’m gonna try something new for this season.

The format might change a little between episodes as I figure out what works best so bear with me but the plan is to do more highlights and opinions than a blow by blow. But, like, we’ll see what happens.

So, anyway, saddle up your Meep and let’s visit Candia--one of the six kingdoms of the land of Calorum (aka: a fridge. We see you Brennan, it’s a fridge). Twenty years ago, the Ravening Wars wreaked havoc but they’re currently in a time of peace which (mostly) everybody is psyched about.

Meet the Family

This is not a new observation but, while most seasons of Fantasy High focus on found family, this season is all about family-family, specifically, the royal family of Candia and their associates. 

We’re first introduced to Murph’s character--Sir Theobald Gumbar (Level 3 Eldritch Knight)--who is the a huge, golden-armored, gummy bear, leader of the Tartguard, protector of the royal family, and the logical endpoint of Murph’s lawful good predilections. Sir Theo is, of course, on time with bells on for the big Saint’s Day/Coming of Age birthday party for the twin princesses of House Rocks. Unfortunately, he’s clearly never seen The Little Mermaid because when the heralds announce the princesses, they don’t show up. Frustrated, he goes to try and find them.

The first place he checks is with Zac’s character, Chancellor Lapin Cadbury (Level 3 Celestial Warlock). He is (in no particular order) the royal tutor, a chocolate bunny, an official of the main state sanctioned church of Calorum (the Bulbian Church), and a pompous ass. Oh, one more thing? He and Theobald can’t stand each other. There is nothing funnier than two very proper grown men who hate each other's guts. Sir Theo shows up to his classroom where the princesses are having a lesson--or at least they’re supposed to be. Further inspection shows that they’ve just left two straw dummies in their place. Classic.

So, we pan out to the city to meet my favorite characters so far (I absolutely play favorites but I also disclose when I’m doing it so I think I’m in the clear) the twin princesses/chaos gremlins--Jet and Ruby Rocks (both level 1 Rogues) played by Emily and Siobhan. Theo may not have seen The Little Mermaid but the twins have def seen Aladdin, because their number one pastime seems to be escaping the palace to roam the city--hilariously illustrated when they chuck a gem into a peasant's bag and his reaction is a super nonplussed, “Guess the princesses escaped again.” They’re got the Disney Princess-itis really bad because both of them feel stifled by palace life and want more--specifically, Jet wants to be a warrior and resents having been born in peacetime (especially since she’s slightly older and in line for the throne) and Ruby wants to run off and join the circus as an acrobat. They are total twin BFFs to the point that their Thieves Cant has been reskinned to Twinspeak which is a detail I love so much (and that will become unspeakably tragic if something happens to one of them Brennan). 

Jet gets a letter from her secret crush Thad, an Avocado from Fructera (these are the sentences I am being forced to write this season folks) and schemes with Ruby about how they can get to Comida (the capital city) to meet him--possibly by sweet talking Theobald which is easy because he’s so thirsty for respect. Sure enough, Theobald and Lapin soon find them, following their path of destruction and the princesses are brought back to the castle.

Back at the castle, we’re introduced to Lou’s character--King Amethar Rocks (Level 3 Storm Herald Barbarian)--who is having a somber moment, surrounded by the statues of his four older sisters who died in the Ravening Wars, leading his reluctant taking of the throne. He’s interrupted by Lord Calroy (his right hand guy and a full ass talking slice of cake because Brennan is trying to break me this season but I refuse to give him the satisfaction) who lets him know that his daughters have escaped and his delighted reaction immediately lets us know which side of the family they take after.

Finally (at least wrt PCs), we meet Ally’s character--Liam Wilhelmina of House Jawbreaker (Level 2 Ranger) who is a political prisoner/ward of House Rocks and a soft, outdoorsy, mountain kid who is perpetually followed around by his pet pig--Peppermint Preston whose death will absolutely force to me to Google “Best Denny’s Parking Lots for Fistfights.” He misses his dad but not his dick brothers because Ally isn’t allowed to have a fully happy family in any season. Liam is from the disgraced House Jawbreaker and his brothers seem to expect him to try and off the King while he’s in their orbit. While he’s in the woods, looking for seeds (as one does) he finds and accidentally breaks an important looking teacup, which we’ll get back to.

The other important character we meet this episode is an NPC--Queen Caramelinda, mother of the princesses, wife of Amethar, and keeper of 100% of the impulse control of House Rocks. She’s the main disciplinarian to Jet and Ruby, the clear decision-maker in the kingdom, and the only literate one out of her and her husband. She also seems to be the only character that respects Lapin’s authority. 

An Inciting Incident

So, with all our characters assembled, all that’s left is the plot hook which Caramelinda provides in the form of a personal letter from Emperor Gustavo--the head honcho of the entire realm and his old friend--to Amethar. He’s not doing well health-wise and he needs to name an heir that’s not related to him at a big tourney that he’s personally inviting Amethar to. Amethar is a little slow on the uptake but Caramelinda eventually connects to dots for him that it seems very likely that Gustavo is going to name him emperor.

Amethar is not vibing with that information at all but Caramelinda basically holds him by the ear until he reluctantly agrees to go--though he insists that Ruby and Jet also come along to keep him company. Caramelinda only agrees on the condition that Lapin goes with. She also invites Liam (who is caught off guard but game) and Sir Theo is basically going by default. Caramelinda is staying home to hold down the fort but the talking slice of cake is going because Brennan hates me and doesn’t want me to be happy. 

The traveling party is chosen, the twins have been gifted with sick, inherited weapons from their aunts: Flickorice--the Twizzing Blade (Jet) and Sourscratch--the Puckering Bow (Ruby). It’s almost time to be off, but there’s still one last thing to get to before we leave the twins’ party. 

Lapin, feeling the pull of something broken (told you we’d get back to it) subtly makes his way outside, but is followed by Jet and Liam. Now, if you remember, I said earlier that Lapin is an official of the Bulbian church. Which is why it’s so surprising for Jet and Liam to see him talking to the Sugarplum Fairy, a deity of the Sweetening Path--a non-sanctioned more animistic religion that really only has sway in Candia. He fixes the teacup and then she appears, telling him that he’ll need to be wary once he leaves her sphere of influence and that boldness will be required in the days to come. Lapin, who seems to be having this conversation very begrudgingly, asks if she’s asking him to do anything in an official capacity and she smiles and says that she’s not asking for her third wish(!). Then what does she want? She wants him to know that there is great risk in what he is doing, but not acting is the greater risk. The coming challenges will be great, but he must protect the royal family or all is lost. She wouldn't have used her second wish to bring him to them if that weren’t the case. They hustle back and spill this to Ruby, obvs.

Anyway, onward! The next day, the caravan is set up and--with a warning about a sugar free chocolate warlock (ominous, as sugar free chocolate always is) they’re on their way to meet their escort out of Candia. Ruby decides to do her acrobat thing and is hanging out on top of the carriage instead of inside it as she and Jet “subtly” (read:not at all) bring up the Sugarplum Fairy to Lapin to see if he cracks.

Suddenly, the caravan stops. There’s a tree felled in the path, which really only means one thing in this kind of story. 

Ambush.

Ruby, outside of the carriage and unprotected, takes 16 points of damage and is fully down with a failed death save due to some unknown effect. The carriage is riddled with arrows. 

Everyone rolls for initiative and that takes us into a new (sure to be recurring) segment I’m calling:

Things I’m Concerned About

I’m concerned about Jet and Ruby (and not just because I’ve been worried about Ruby for a while due to things the cast has said and because she fully *died* this episode). They have their genres so wrong. They think they’re Disney movie protagonists but they’re in Game of Thrones and they don’t know it. Being Wrong Genre Savvy is a BAD position to find yourself in. Carriage surfing shenanigans don’t fly in a world that wants you dead.

OK, Carameinda. I’m inclined to be pro-Caramelinda. Like, she’s the hardass but she needs to be because Amethar isn’t helping run the kingdom. If this was a different story, she wouldn’t give me any pause but I read Macbeth and feel some light Lady Macbeth vibes. Gonna be keeping an eye on her.  

Calroy and Sir Toby (didn’t mention him, he’s a slightly lower ranked Gummi Bear guard and friends with Theo). In a story like this, I’m looking for the possible betrayals before I get blindsided and the only people who can really betray you are people who are supposedly loyal to you. Calroy had a little aside with Amethar about how he shouldn’t be the Emperor if he doesn’t want to be--which isn’t wrong but is also something someone angling to keep him off the throne for other reasons would say--and Sir Toby decided to stay behind to help hold down the fort--again, either an innocuous decision, or angling to be left alone and to his own devices. 

Whatever is going on with the Sugarplum Fairy and Lapin? Do not care for that one bit. I understand that a Warlock pact is mechanically very similar to a Paladin oath and a Celestial Warlock pact is even moreso but guess what? Still don’t trust it. I know Ruby’s Arcana check said that she’s generally a chill spirit but I still don’t trust it. And getting Wishes from your follower? Weird and suspicious. What’s your game, lady?

Emperor Gustavo apparently has a daughter who is barred by law from taking the throne when he dies. That sounds like a very strong motive for *something* at some point down the line. 

I’m a little concerned Jet is being catfished by this Avocado. First of all, not a sentence I thought I’d ever write. Second of all, I’m probably just being paranoid. But that feels like a great way to get a princess alone for kidnapping or shanking or something. 

Update: Brennan did an AMA and, regarding the previous bullet point he said, and I quote, “You are right to be concerned!” so now I’m concerned about that too! Fun!

I’m concerned about the mechanics of how a slice of cake person works. Slice implies a full cake. Where is the rest of the cake Brennan? Where is it? And, like, Brennan said on the post-show stream that we’re making the “what do they eat?” question weirder than it actually is because we’re made of some of the stuff we eat but hey Brennan? If I could pick a flesh toned and textured apple off a tree? That would be weird, OK? And I’m sorry for everyone else who had to picture that but it had to be said since Brennan is insisting on walking us down this garden path.

I’m concerned about whatever the hell is happening with Liam. Disgraced dad, mom is a shaman of the local fringe religion (Sweetening Path, like Lapin), and his brothers want him to shank the king or something? No way this ends in smiles for everyone. 

Brennan said Pyramid of Food so I’m concerned about fruit rollup mummies. 

OK but more than anything, I’m concerned about the death rules of this game. Death in D&D is cheap but, in a campaign like this, it can’t be. I’m not super well versed in GoT but it’s my understanding that resurrection in that series is possible but rare. Brennan said he specifically didn’t let Ally stock certain healing spells and that’s very telling about how things are gonna be handled. I guess we’ll see in the upcoming battle episode how that works but my general thought is, I hope everyone made interesting backup characters.  

Five More Things

So, my thoughts on the new characters. I love Ruby and Jet with my entire heart. Watching Emily and Siobhan roleplay sisters and enable each other and hype each other up is so fun--or it would be if I wasn’t low key bracing to lose one of them sooner rather than later. Zac playing against type and Murph playing to type are both fantastic. I want nothing more than for Theobald and Lapin to continue sniping at each other. I hope that’s the first PvP fight of D20. Amethar is a lot of fun but clearly in over his head and I’m interested to see where he’s pushed. Liam is literally just vibing. Hope he doesn’t have to commit regicide!     

God, the House Rocks PCs are such a disaster family. I love it. The moment when Calroy comes in and is like, “The princesses have escaped,” and Amethar breaks into a grin and is like, “Dude, that’s so dope!” I was like OH, so it’s *all* of them, huh. But, honestly, this should have been on the “Things I’m Concerned About” list because come on. They’ve not all gonna make it. And then we’re gonna have to watch the remaining family members react to that? Oh no. 

Love Ruby’s bow. I have a player in my game who also has a magic bow that produces energy arrows because, truly, who has the time to deal with the logistics of how many arrows you had left after last fight? Magic arrows. Boom, done. Next. 

Getting bagged on by your Patron for not having a spell when she’s the one who gives you your spells is so funny. Also, Mending isn’t a Warlock spell which makes it even funnier. 

**I’ve given myself a 3k word limit on all of these to try to put some boundaries on myself but, Lol, prize to the first who guesses closest to the first episode I break that rule.**