#honey if i'm not

[brigid-faye]

Honey If I'm Not/If You're Gonna - Lost scene

for @imsiriuslyreading 😘 (happy early birthday, love) and @remakaz (because irl beta sessions are the best)

for more of this particular universe: Honey If I'm Not/If You're Gonna on Ao3

-

It's dawn on November 22nd and Padfoot is watching Moony tremble and whine and shift back to his human self for the first time in more than ten years. The snowy woods are lit by a weak sun. Apart from Moony's distress, it is very quiet.

Stay, says the human in the back of Padfoot's head. Moony, told you to stay like this until it's safe, he said stay, he said stay...

Sirius knows that Remus wanted him to stay in his animagus form until he and all of the other werewolves he runs with in this makeshift pack in northern New York are fully human again. Remus had believed that everything would be fine or he never would have agreed to Sirius accompanying him, but he'd still been nervous and Sirius wanted to respect the boundaries he established.

Padfoot is having trouble with that. Padfoot doesn't see a half-transformed werewolf, he sees Moony in pain - and, almost worse for his canine self, he hears him, too - the whining, the labored breath, stressed heart beats. It's nothing like the violence of this change when they were teenagers, but Moony is groaning and stumbling over clumsy clawed paws. Padfoot knows his human self has a wand and words and could do a better job of helping.

Stay, he said stay, he said stay...

The moment Padfoot sees hands instead of claws, he's Sirius again, reaching himself forward, catching Remus as he collapses sideways off of hands and knees.

"Moons?"

Remus isn't really conscious. Sirius' right arm is under his head and shoulders, holding him close. Remus told him that he's fairly impervious to the cold in the hours before and after a moon, and if Sirius lifted his head, he would see plenty of werewolves doing completely fine without clothes right now, but he pulls his own cloak around both of them, anyway.

Sirius presses his lips together and swallows, eyes on Remus' still face. His breathing is improved but still sounds a little ragged. Sirius does what he wanted to three months ago and brushes Remus' curls off his forehead. He blinks and swallows forcibly again.

This... this is a lot.

He'd known it would be. He thought he was prepared. They've done so much, these last few months, they've covered so much ground. Sirius has talked about the worst days of his life. His heart's been wrenched by tender honesties. He thought the intensity of their first night together was undoing him (it did, a bit).

But this. Remus is trusting him at his most vulnerable. Remus is letting him in on a part of himself he hated and feared, once. Sirius did so badly by him, then. He doesn't fear doing wrong like that again, but those hard memories are very close right now.

Remus shifts and blinks and pulls Sirius back to the present.

"Hey," Sirius says, unable to keep relief out of his voice. "Remus, how... Do you feel okay? Can I-"

Remus blinks and laughs a little, uneasy. He shakes his head, looks down and away.

"Remus?"

Remus meets his gaze. He smiles. There are tears welling in his eyes. When Sirius frowns in concern, Remus laughs again, shaking his head and wiping at his eyes.

"I'm fine," Remus says. His voice is hoarse. "I just, fuck, I'm fine, I-the moons have been really fine for a really long time but…”

“But it was pretty bad for a while, wasn’t it?”

Remus nods. He’s exhausted and hurting and overwrought, and Sirius isn’t surprised when his face crumples and the tears spill, but it still knocks the air out of his chest. He gathers the other man close, presses his face into his hair.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly, heart in his mouth. Remus' hand closes around a fistful of his sweater, pulling him closer. "We're alright," he says instead. Remus lets out a sort of hum of agreement. "You're alright, love."

Sirius holds him until he's recovered his breath and regained the strength to stand. On his feet and wrapped in Sirius' cloak, Remus still leans on him heavily. They make their way toward the lodge - where beds and hot drinks await - walking slowly, arms around each other's shoulders.

"You're out of shape, Pads," Remus mutters sleepily.

Sirius, whose legs are indeed shaking, lets out a bark of laughter. A raven above them caws in irritation.

"Forgive me for leaving London without anticipating running a marathon through four feet of snow."

Remus laughs, clear and bright and happy, and, as it's always been, it's Sirius' favorite sound in the world.

[wolfstarshipping]

Honey If I'm Not (29.335 words) by @brigid-faye

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

wizard AU, post first war

Summary:

A heartbroken Remus Lupin left London in the summer of 1981 and never looked back. A decade later, he's built a life for himself in Burlington, Vermont, surrounded by new friends and finally confident in his job as a counselor. It's a job he loves, even if it does involve regularly conjuring his patronus, and even if that patronus is still taking the shape of a certain canine. He's fine with it. It doesn't have to mean anything.

Until one day his path crosses with Sirius Black's and maybe it does mean something, after all.

AU - The first wizarding war ended with the Longbottoms' deaths rather than the Potters', James and Lily are alive and Sirius stayed out of Azkaban.

If You're Gonna (46.436 words) by BrigidFaye

Rating: Mature

Series: Part 2 of Honey If I'm Not/If You're Gonna

Summary:

1981 and all of its losses - the Longbottoms' deaths, Remus Lupin's disappearance - sent Sirius Black spinning, but ten years later, he finally believes he's doing alright. With the help of the Potters, he's emerged on the other side as a philanthropist and general do-gooder. He can even, thanks to therapy, manage a patronus for the first time in his life. Its lupine shape just means he's made peace with that particular bit of heartbreak, right?

But then on a trip to Burlington, VT, Sirius' path crosses with Remus' again, and maybe - just maybe - that patronus means something else.

This is Sirius's POV of "Honey If I'm Not".

Comment:

These two fics are now new favorites of mine! I absolutely loved Honey If I'm Not, reading about wolfstar reconnecting and falling for each other again, and all the pining and yearning and the hard conversations about their pasts, everything was already so good! And then I read If You're Gonna, which is the same story plus lots of extra added scenes from Sirius's POV and I'M IN LOVE with these fics now! I loved reading the same scenes from both POVs and also adored everything that got added in Sirius's POV, learning more about their pasts, the lunar magic, and just all the scenes with James and Lily and the ending absolutely stole my heart!! Such a wonderful fic series!

[mikacanica]

emotional support angel to the rescue✨👼✨

[egophiliac]

*shaky thumbs up* I just finished ch5...... y-you were not kidding about it being a heavy one.....

:)

(how's that going so far, Mal)

[laragomu]

are you fcking kidding me Arthur actually took Merlin to his ANNIVERSARY DATE with his WIFE.

[forestofsprites]

tail end of season seven you will always be famous

[thenearsightedmicroraptor]

Seen a lot of posts about people coming into your notifications out of nothing and liking your entire blog, but here's a shoutout to the people who do Not follow you, who appear out of nowhere, reblog One (1) post that you are Not the op of, and then you never see them again. Where did you come from girl.

[just-some-normal-jessica]

woe. jon character lineup be upon ye

individual sillies under the cut

[hellenhighwater]

I was in Lansing today and went to Horrocks, which is objectively the best thing one can do in Lansing, and stocked up on Midnight Earl Grey, which is my absolute favorite tea. And since I have fresh tea I tidied up my tea shelves and made myself a London Fog, since I've got to use up this lavender syrup somehow.

[kaybzzart]

"Being the farmer's husband isn't always easy :')"

Inspired by my actual playthrough, almost dying in the mines one day, getting the junimo plush the next day.

(There's like - 3 different coloring styles here. I'm still trying to figure that out ahah)

[lifemod17]

We as a society do not talk about Wasteland, Baby! on electric guitar enough!!!

[brigid-faye]

Hello hello I finally uploaded the epilogue, so this is complete! Happy autumn, fanficdom 😘

I’m for sure no professional and my voice actor abilities are limited and my cat kept sadly poking my toes under the closet door but this was a fun new way to be creative and it’s nice to be able to make this more accessible. Truthfully I don’t know how many of my fics I’ll manage to do this with, but I aim to do more ❤️

Bonus picture: Apple picking yesterday, bracelet from @multiimoments 😭😭😭

[i-am-l-ananas]

if the ratios work out into something nearing edible, I'll make the loaf

[draconym]

This took almost the entire skein of yarn

[hstylesmermaid]

Literally me seeing this photos:

[transbookoftheday]

Trans Horror Books

Looking for some trans horror books to read for Halloween? Here you go:

Book titles:

Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White

The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White

The Ojja-Wojja by Magdalene Visaggio and Jenn St-Onge

Let Me Out by Emmett Nahil and George Williams

The Honeys by Ryan La Sala

Even If We Break by Marieke Nijkamp

Tell Me I’m Worthless by Alison Rumfitt

Brainwyrms by Alison Rumfitt

All the White Spaces by Ally Wilkes

Bound In Flesh by Lor Gislason