#honestly wondering cause when i see people losing their shit over any kind of representation

[seance]

not being able to enjoy a story if you can’t self insert for whatever reason is such a skill issue in my eyes idk

[ais-n]

have you apologised yet for what you and that clown of a "man" wrote together or do another thousand of years need to pass for that? since that ugly shit left, you are the only one who can say sorry for icos.

Hi! I’m really sorry if this reply is super delayed; I keep missing tumblr notifications and haven’t been online a ton lately so I kind of go in spurts of activity in different places.

I hope you are doing well, are healthy and safe. It’s a pretty stressful time for everyone and whatever your circumstances and whoever you are, I imagine it must feel especially tough for you right now if this is the feeling suffusing you at this moment, inspiring you to reach out with this message. I’m so sorry if things are really shitty for you right now; I hope it can get better, and if it can’t, I believe you will have the strength to get through it all. Sometimes life super sucks but we can keep moving and keep going and hopefully somewhere down the line the pressure can let up a little.

Regarding your question, the way I interpret it is you’re asking if I will apologize for the existence of ICoS itself as a story? I’m sorry if I misunderstood and if your question was more like apologizing on behalf of “Sonny” and everything to do with that. But I think you’re talking about the series itself? If not, please let me know more specifically what the concern is.

Otherwise - if my interpretation is correct, first of all I totally understand if you don’t like the story, characters, world, series, any of that. Not every story is for everyone; honestly, it would be a pretty boring world if we all thought the same thing and gravitated to the same stories. The good news is you can just avoid reading it and hopefully that can decrease some of the stress about its existence. Or if you don’t like aspects of the story, totally understandable. I mean, it’s a super fucked up story about really fucked up people; there should be some cause for concern along the way, in all honesty. 

But as for apologizing for the series itself, I will not be doing that now or ever, at least that I can imagine. I’ve been told by too many people over the years that the story itself helped them; some people learned things about themselves by reading the series, by seeing what the characters do. Some people hated some characters for their actions and choices only to reread many years later and realize they had identified too closely with that character and it was a part of them working through their own mind through the story, and they said it helped. Some people have said they appreciated the representation for whatever aspect of their demographic or mindset that they didn’t often see represented in quite that way.

Beyond that, some people found friendships through it; a community existed that still has some people who are interested in continuing it. I myself was lucky enough to meet some truly wonderful people because of ICoS, and I feel like writing the series helped me as well with working through some of my own mental processes and growing as a person as a whole. Without ICoS, I never would have gotten to see some of the gorgeous fanart, listen to the beautiful music, read the great stories, or laugh along with the jokes people made.

If I were to apologize for ICoS as a series, it would devalue all of that. It would insult the people who cared about the series, the people who saw themselves in some part of the story, the people who reached out to like-minded others. It would discount the impact a story can have on the person writing it as well as the people reading it. I personally don’t think that would be fair to anyone. 

And frankly, despite all the pain that ended up surrounding some aspects along the way, I don’t regret writing the story itself, and I will forever be thankful of its existence because of the people I got to meet along the way. I often hesitate to speak on behalf of others because I don’t want to misrepresent anyone, but over the years I read enough messages to know that there are some other people out there who would feel the same and would want me to say that on their behalf as well. Not everyone, I’m sure, but the fact that there’s complexity in an issue doesn’t invalidate any of the feelings on any of the sides.

I hope you’re doing well and you’re safe. Also, I hope you are able to reread (or find) a series you truly love so you can lose yourself in the experience of it. There’s nothing quite like finding a story or series that really resonates with you, especially when everything else can feel so dissonant.

Best of luck, my friend, to you and yours.

[ramblingguy54]

Lemme Let You All In On Something

Inspired by @beaglelover62‘s post about DuckTales helping (2017) those through rough times. I’ll leave the link here below for all to check out, if you haven’t come across this post yet.

https://beaglelover62.tumblr.com/post/187179198864/ive-been-inspired-by-a-few-shared-stories-as-of

Whatever Happened To Della Duck is a truly beautiful episode to be sure, showcasing a mother’s undying determination in getting back to her family, despite the harsh many factors stacked against this determined duck. It left a serious impact on me emotionally, easily ranking it high up on my list of favorite DuckTales (2017) episodes for introducing Della into the TV’s adaptation franchise with such phenomenal execution. However, what I especially praise about this episode is how inspiring it can be to others who suffer through very tough times. People need role models in fiction like this to look up to, naturally, as another way to better cope in their unfortunate situations in life.

That was basically how it helped me better cope in dealing with not only my depression, which I’ve had for the past several years or so, but it also gave me a new positive perspective when I tackled those awful anxiety tremors at the tail end of 2018. To give a better context to this, besides depression I’ve dealt with having an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) where I can’t relax if I see something that isn’t in order, like say cleaning anything particular for example. It’s hard for me to simply take it easy a great number of times because my mind is hollering saying, “Do this now! You can’t relax until it’s fixed! It has to be perfect!”. Not to mention when I’m analyzing stuff this OCD can cause me to keep re-thinking what I’ve already concluded on in terms of my opinions and it’s beyond freaking obnoxious. I’m no stranger to anxiety attacks either, as they happened quite a great amount in my childhood where I couldn’t control myself because I didn’t obviously understand what was going on internally at the time. Although I’ve had experience before with anxiety attacks, tremors on the other hand I wasn’t prepared to face at all in early December of last year. It was terrifying because I had no control of my mind going a million miles per hour, on top of my body already shaking furiously off and on. My heart felt like it was going to explode outta my chest, considering how insanely fast it was pumping. OCD + Anxiety = One hell of an awful time, being a huge factor in what caused me to have this nervous breakdown where I was consistently panicking. Thankfully, I soon got a medication prescribed which helped me recover from that awful state of mind and have been feeling much better by mid-January of this year ever since.

This story of mine ties back into the massive weight surrounding Della’s situation. She’s in such an highly anxiety inducing situation of having no family, friends, losing one of her legs in the ship crash, going through a Lord knows how awfully painful physical healing/rehabilitation process with her robotic leg, and the cherry on top of all this crap being without social contact toward any living thing. Della Duck suffered without any real social connections for 10 WHOLE YEARS straight. She only has her thoughts to keep herself company in this terrible predicament, which no doubt were looping furiously in Della’s mind all those days spent on rebuilding the Spear Of Selene. It’s honestly amazing Della was able to keep her sanity throughout those many passing hours in that cold painful solitude on the Moon. Many people would’ve been driven to the point of insanity of being alone for that long, but not Della Duck in all of her endearing charm. The thoughts of once again seeing Scrooge, Donald, and reuniting with her triplets was enough determination, of course, to fight back against that severity of her current issues. There’s a lot of symbolism I found here akin to OCD, like say with Della’s thoughts of regret for unintentionally leaving her kids on Earth never leaving her mind, no matter how hard she tried to tune that irrational voice of her’s out on focusing toward the bigger picture of getting back home to make up for all that lost time. Despite putting on a such a cheery headstrong attitude, it’s all of course a facade masking Della’s depression and compulsive thoughts deep down.

Della has a low self-esteem for making the decision to hop onto the Spear of Selene and getting torn away from everyone/everything she loved in life. Anytime I look back on this scene where Della drops the headstrong nature for a split second with tears running down her face, these words just write themselves showing Della’s real inner thoughts.

If I hadn’t made the decision to take that rocket, I could’ve been much happier and better off. I don’t deserve to even call myself a mother. I’m a terrible person for not being by my kids side when they were born and helping them grow up. Della, you’re such an idiot...

Regardless of all that self-hatred and doubt though, Della persevered against it because she knew there’s no sense in crying over spilled milk at this current point. Della knows she deserves to be happy and back at home with her family again, so continues working on rebuilding every piece of the rocket ship.

She put every fiber of her being, mind, and soul into learning the fundamentals of understanding how to properly create a rocket ship. All for the sake of one simple important thing...

Family.

Throughout every day of what seemed like a “solitary confinement” on the Moon Della never once let her mind falter from what she was doing it all for. Even though Della has low self-esteem, struggling with depression among this compulsive internal belittling of herself, she never allows that to break her iron will in accomplishing what needs to be done.

Granted, she sacrifices the key of her gold tooth in poetic fashion to help calm down a Moon Mite mother and her baby, but that is more than rewarded in return by the Moon Landers’ helping her rebuild the rocket once more. After all the years of hardship she had to endure alone, Della finally is able to set out back to Earth instead of just viewing it from afar. 

Not gonna lie, every time I look at this shot of Della breaking out into tears saying, “I’m coming boys! Mom is coming home!”, it always chokes me up. This is an individual who has been to put it bluntly, shit on by life hardcore for the past 10 years straight never being able to catch a break in getting home until now. Della, much like her twin bro Donald, has been dealt an awful unlucky hand with how much she had to endure on her own for so long, getting traumatized in certain emotional aspects from all that experience on the Moon.

You can damn well bet my emotions were overflowing, like a waterfall, when Nothing Can Stop Della Duck premiered back in the May bomb of episodes. I’m surprised by how quickly they brought Della into the fray because I genuinely believed they were going to hold off for awhile, until much later down the road, like say Season 3 or something. However, I’m beyond glad they didn’t because, besides shaking up the chemistry dynamic of the family by removing Donald temporarily, that hug was so amazing to behold on screen. It’s all kinds of wonderful.

Anytime I think back on that rough anxiety tremor stuff I dealt with, during 2018′s tail end into early January, Della’s story of her hard-headed never say die attitude against immeasurable odds is one all generations should take big notes on. This beautiful story made me feel less alone in my struggles with depression, OCD, and anxiety. Seeing Della never give up because her family was always there for her in spirit hit me in the heart real good. Much like how it was for me when my family, most notably my mother, who helped me through those anxiety tremors that hit me like a meteor. Also, knowing Della will still struggle with trying to be a better mother figure adds a real layer of humanity to the story, reminding people that just because you’ve gotten better doesn’t mean you’re outta those woods yet. Della’s story is a perfect representation on life overall because it’s okay to still have problems and not feel weighed down by them too. You’ll always have loved ones there to back you up when you’re feeling like dirt. I still struggle with anxiety, depression, and OCD every day, even though I’m not in that terrible state of mind anymore, but my family has always helped me through this when it counts.

So with all that said, please remember to think of this message when you’re feeling very down on your own self-worth.

If Della Duck can overcome not only her emotional insecurities, but the large void of space and solitude that came with it for a decade, then I should be able to handle my own baggage with this same attitude.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this story of an experience from my life and how DuckTales 2017′s story center around Della inspired a more positive outlook for me in the future. Feel free to share your own perspectives in the comments if you’re feeling up for it!

[miyako-no-prince]

70 MasaMei and 95 SawaItsuRai ❤💛

thanks for the lovely prompts ❤💛 

the MasaMei got so much longer than I intended these prompts to be, so I’ll do the SawaItsuRai in a separate post

AO3

“After everythingwe’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”

The silence thatfollowed was deafening. Mei didn’t even look at him, stubbornly avoiding hisgaze. It said everything, but Masatoshi was determined to make him talk anyway.Maybe if he said it out loud, he’d realize how ridiculous it was. How stupid andunnecessary this whole situation was.

“Answer me, Mei.”

More silence.Masatoshi resisted the urge to sigh, or alternatively shake Mei until he had nochoice but to finally say what he really thought.

As the silencecontinued, Masatoshi wondered if this really had been worth it.

They starteddating a few months ago, and Masatoshi had actually been happy with theirrelationship. They tended to have small fights a lot, but they were alwaysresolved easily enough, never weighing on his mind too much. It was just… everysingle one of them had been resolved by him apologizing, with Mei maybeapologizing back if he felt particularly guilty.

This just wasn’tan accurate representation of who’d caused those fights. 90% - the mostgenerous assumption Masatoshi was willing to make – were purely caused by Meibeing purposefully contrarian, lazy, or annoying.

Masatoshi knew Meiwas prideful and had trouble apologizing, even if he recognized he was atfault. Still, he’d thought wanting Mei to get over his pride just once, forsomething minor at that, wouldn’t be too much to ask. If he insisted just once,and Mei realized this was important to Masatoshi and just said sorry, then hecould shut up the tiny nagging voice that told him Mei wasn’t as committed orin love as he was.

Not wanting torisk any trouble to the team, he’d waited until after summer koushien to gothrough with his plan, and it turned out to be a good choice. Even though thefight had been stupid, and entirely Mei’s fault, and could’ve been entirelyinconsequential, Mei flat-out refused to apologize. Even at the threat thatMasatoshi wouldn’t talk to him until he did. Even at the threat that Masatoshi wouldbreak up with him if he didn’t. Mei just yelled at him and ran away.

At first, Masatoshihad thought Mei would just need some time to realize what happened, and then he’dcome to apologize. But nothing of the sort happened. They didn’t have topractice together anymore, and Mei made sure they interacted as little aspossible.

After a month,Masatoshi had simply assumed that was it, Mei really hadn’t cared much aboutwhat they had. It hurt, but there was nothing he could do.

He’d been resoluteabout staying away and just getting over it, until one night Tadano had knockedon his door, tears streaming down his face as he’d tried to convey the angerand despair he was currently feeling because of Mei. Masatoshi had known Meiwasn’t exactly business as usual at practice, but he hadn’t known just how badit was.

It simply wasn’tfair to let Tadano suffer on his own because Mei couldn’t deal with hisemotions any other way. None of this had anything to do with him. He was justthe easiest target. There was nothing he could do to make Mei behave like adecent human being towards him.

Masatoshi, on theother hand, could at least try. He didn’t know how much sway he still had withMei at this point, but it was certainly more than Tadano.

He’d really intendedto keep their talk focused on Mei’s behaviour toward Tadano, but Mei wasn’thaving it. He interrupted Masatoshi before he even had a chance to finisheverything he’d meant to say.

“Oh, I see, so youcan just use your kouhai who also happens to be your battery partner as you seefit and it’s all fine, but when I do it, it’s bad and I should feel bad? Forgetit. I don’t give a shit about Itsuki, but at least I don’t lie to him and tellhim I love him.”

Which ledMasatoshi to the realization that Mei was absolutely convinced he didn’t lovehim, even if he currently refused to say it directly.

“Mei,” he triedagain, “I’m not leaving until you answer me.”

“Fine,” Meipressed out between gritted teeth, “I know you don’t love me and I knew it fromthe start. Now you can just admit it and then we can be done with this.”

The absolutecertainty in his voice cut straight into Masatoshi’s heart. Mei wasn’t joking,exaggerating, or being dramatic. He believed it. Despite everything, all theirshared moments, movie nights, intimate touches, practice hours, wins andlosses, despite it all, Mei had never fully trusted his love. And Masatoshinever noticed. Never even considered the possibility.

But then, whywould he? He’d told Mei he loved him. Multiple times. Dated him for months. Didhis best to make it work. Mei had never expressed any kind of insecurityeither. In fact, Masatoshi had been under the impression that Mei knew way toowell how loved he was.

Maybe he should’vesaid that out loud, but instead, he asked “Are you an idiot?”

Which maybe wasn’tthe smartest way to go about this. Masatoshi realized it immediately, at least,and added “Why do you think I dated you, then?”

It calmed the furyin Mei’s eyes, at least a little. He shrugged. “I’m cute.” Masatoshi had toagree on that, but in any other situation, he would’ve scolded Mei for sayingit about himself. “You liked the sex.” Also true. But how shallow did Mei thinkhe was? “And I was the one who asked you out. If you told me no or broke up withme, it might’ve affected my performance, and thus your chance at winningkoushien. So you just strung me along until you retired, and I was useless toyou. Didn’t even wait a week.”

So Mei had actuallypicked up on the fact that he’d waited with this until after koushien. He justtotally got it wrong.

“I told you, whatI wanted was just an apology from you. I did wait out koushien on purpose,because you’re right, I didn’t want to ruin our chances, but I didn’texpect you to be this stubborn about it.”

“Bullshit! You cansay what you want, you never cared before if I didn’t apologize over littlethings! You were just trying to find a reason to break up over, and I for surewasn’t going to make it harder for you by actually saying sorry, because unlikewhatever you think, I’m not actually stupid!”

“Yes, you are! Whyis it so hard to understand that I just wanted you to swallow your pride forthe sake of our relationship a single time? It always annoyed me that I have tobe the one to apologize to you even if you were the one starting the fight! Butyou could’ve just fixed that, and we’d have been just fine.”

“No, we wouldn’t!What kind of relationship is it when you’re just annoyed with me all the time,huh? Is that love to you? You wanna get married someday and see your spousecome up to you and say their vows and you think ‘ugh how annoying I wish they’djust shut up’? Is that what you dream of?”

Mei had gotteninto his face at some point, and now that he was talking about marriage forsome reason, a part of Masatoshi’s brain wanted to grab him and kiss him, holdhim close and tell him how much he missed that kind of thing over the pastmonth, but thankfully there was still a larger part of his brain that told himto listen instead, and to respond, so he could figure out exactly what Mei wasthinking. What his actual problem was. And fix it.

“What, so you’remad that I was annoyed when you purposefully tried to annoy me?”

“No! I’m mad thatyou’re annoyed whether I try to annoy you or not! Even when I’m trying to benice! You can’t even tell the difference! All you ever say is ‘Shut up, Mei’!It doesn’t matter if I tell you about something I care about or just try tomake the most annoying noise possible, it’s all the same to you. I don’t knowif you actually think you love me, but I know you already noticed that I just amannoying. Down to my core, it’s who I am. That’s why you don’t enjoy spendingtime with me. Nobody does. Sooner or later, you’ll realize it’s too much, it’sjust not worth it, just like everyone else. I think you already did.”

What started as anoutburst turned quiet toward the end. There were tears glistening in Mei’seyes, and he slowly backed away again.

Panic spreadthrough Masatoshi’s chest. Mei was right here, so close to him, but Masatoshiwas losing him, and he just knew if he didn’t cross the distance right now, he’dnever manage to get a hold of him again.

And he couldn’t finda way to close the metaphorical distance, but his body reacted faster than hismind did, grabbing Mei by the shoulders and holding him in place whileMasatoshi struggled to figure out what to say. Not an easy task when he stillwasn’t sure he properly understood exactly what Mei meant.

“What are you eventalking about?” Masatoshi settled on when the silence was starting to stretchlong enough to be uncomfortable. “You can’t just go and decide these things forother people. Even assuming I don’t actually love you romantically doesn’t meanI don’t like being around you. And what’s with that ‘everyone’? You have plentyof friends, right? Everyone on the team, and your classmates… I’m sure theylike having you around.”

But Mei simplyshook his head. “No. I have people who tolerate and placate me because theyneed my baseball skills, and people who admire me because they don’t actuallyknow me. And I guess I have Kazuya, who’d rather be annoyed than alone. That’sit.”

Masatoshi couldn’thelp but feel a pang of annoyance that Miyuki Kazuya of all people got an extraspot in this listing, while he was presumably lumped in with the rest of theteam in the first category. But he swallowed it down.

“What about yourfamily?”

This time, theresponse was a shrug. “My mom and sisters are all just as annoying as me, so Iguess we can all just comfortably annoy each other. I honestly don’t know whymy dad is still happily married to my mom, I guess he must be some kind ofmasochist.”

“Well, maybe I’m amasochist. You don’t know that.”

While… this wasn’texactly what he’d planned to say – in fact he’d never thought about thisbefore and he was sure he’d found better ways to express what he meant if he’dthought about it for more than a millisecond – it did make Mei look at him forreal for the first time since he’d entered his room.

“What?”

Even if it was alook that was trying to figure out if he had gone completely nuts.

“Um, I mean, inall seriousness, I missed you, Mei.” Yes, that sounded much better, much morelike a normal person. “I honestly missed being around you, and even beingannoyed by you on a daily basis during the past month.”

“I guess thatkinda does make you a masochist.”

“Thanks.”

His voice was dry,but it was actually hard to maintain. He could see the edges of a smile tuggingat Mei’s lips as their bickering progressed naturally as it had so many timesbefore. It was a feeling like coming home, and it automatically made Masatoshihope, even if they still hadn’t really found a resolution to the problem athand. But they were getting there.

In the end, perhapspredictably, Masatoshi simply relented. He pulled Mei into his arms, and didthe one thing he promised he wouldn’t do this time. “I’m sorry.”

“But you said-”

“I know. And I’mnot sorry about anything concerning the small fight we had that led to all ofthis. That was your fault. But I hurt you. I didn’t mean to, I had no idea whatI’d cause, but I hurt you. I still don’t quite understand how you came to yourconclusions or how you feel, but none of that really matters. I’m just sorry,and I need you to know that.”

“I’m sorry, too,”Mei mumbled into his chest, “I was extra annoying because I was trying to seeif you’d keep me around when you didn’t need me anymore. Guess I got exactly whatI asked for…”

The apology fellfrom Mei’s lips so easily, with such a sense of relief, and finally it occurredto Masatoshi that maybe it hadn’t been pride – or at least not pride alone –that had kept Mei from apologizing first for so long. If he really saw beingannoying as part of himself, then of course apologizing felt like apologizingfor who he was, rather than a small one-time thing. And it always carried therisk of getting told the apology wasn’t good enough, that maybe Mei just wasn’tgood enough.

It didn’t exactlysolve Masatoshi’s initial issue, all it really did was complicate finding asolution they’d both be happy with, but Masatoshi figured it would be muchbetter to look for one together than stay apart out of misplaced anger, prideand hurt.

“Mei, I’ll alwayswant to keep you around, as long as you want me by your side as well. Let’sjust… talk, okay? We’ll figure something out, together. So we won’t ever bothbe sad and lonely for a whole month for no reason again.”

Mei nodded againsthis chest. “Okay. Yeah, that sounds good. But, before we do that, can I kissyou?”

“You missed that,huh?”

“Oh, you have noidea.”

“I’m pretty sure Ido.”

Before Mei couldfigure out his next retort, Masatoshi bent down, gently tilting up Mei’s chinwith his hand, and pressed their lips together.

They practicallymelted together, and finally, after a month of everything feeling out of place,the world was right again.

 Bonus

They ended upcuddling on Mei’s bed and talking way into the night, about their feelings andissues and experiences all the way to their perception of the world, and it waspossibly the closest Masatoshi had ever felt to someone in his whole life.

Just when theywere both about to fall asleep though, he remembered why he’d chosen to go toMei in the first place.

“I almost forgot,but you really have to stop treating Tadano as bad as you did. I know you wereupset, but he has nothing to do with this.”

Mei groaned. “Iknow. I was just trying to get him to hate me. He looked like he was admiringme when I was just feeling shitty about myself and it pissed me off. I wantedto disappoint him in the worst way possible.”

“Well, I don’tthink it worked anyway. He was totally desperate, but he kept asking how hecould get along with you, or how to make you acknowledge him, how he could getgood enough to be your partner. Even when from what I heard, I’d be at thepoint where I’d be asking my senpai for ways to kill you without gettingcaught.”

“What the fuck. Hemust be a masochist for real.”

“Maybe that’s onyou. You attract us.”

“Oh, shut up,Masa-san.”

[lumikinetic]

Mega Spoilers She Ra S4

Under the cut!! Last chance!!

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1. Double Trouble

God I love them I love them I love them. As I said on twitter I speculated that Double Trouble was what Catra needed. A friend. Sure, Scorpia was there but she was never gonna recognise Scorpia for who she was and what she meant to Scorpia and true to form, it was only after she realised Scorpia was truly never coming back that she honestly started to miss her. But she was never going to appreciate Scorpia I think because she was too much like Adora. She shows kindness. She shows empathy and love and joy, all the things the Rebellion stands for, all the things Adora left her for and when Scorpia told her she was a bad friend and left her, like Adora did, she became a second Adora in her eyes. Another person who left. Now Double Trouble (who I've been calling Dub, first to save space on my tweets and then it just stuck), they're nothing like Adora. They're treacherous and sneaky and dirty, just like she believes herself to be, like she has to believe herself to be, because otherwise she would have to admit she's worthy of love, friendship, happiness and worthy of Adora, and so Catra feels like she can really be friends with them. She doesn't want to show it because she's still hurting from being burned before but Dub's not having that shit they pick up on it real fast and tease her about having fun. Not even beginning to delve into the genius of using Dub as a narrative device of calling everybody on their bullshit, Dub then finds Catra after her fight with Hordak and gives her the straight facts but what I really liked was they didn't say "I know there's still good in you", they said "you were never cut out to be the bad guy" like that was so smart of them. Dub's thing is that they know everyone, they know how they think and act so they know if they tell Catra she's still good (like Adora keeps saying) her abandonment issues are gonna kick in and she's gonna lose it and lash out. By telling her she wasn't cut out to be a villain, oh man where do I even start?

It's harsh, yes but maybe Catra believes she deserves harsh. If she is told she's still good, that gives hope and she's had too much false hope to ever accept that again

Because Dub can see people for who they really are, they can see Catra has been left too many times. Adora left, Scorpia left, she thought Dub left and they accurately predicted that would break her, Glimmer will return to Bright Moon at some point and I think there might be some reluctant bonding while they're in space, so Dub gave Catra an out. "Everyone else left. You can too." That's what they're really saying, I think.

Putting her down provides a new option for Catra yes, but it's still putting her down. It was mean, true but again, I think it's what Catra believes she deserves right now. And so she resigns. She collapses, defeated and when Glimmer shows up, she says she'd rather die because it's better than leaving, even if it's by her own free will. She's had enough of leaving.

Of course, Catra turns herself right around and trades Hordak in for Horde Prime, pledging her allegiance to a newer, superior, stronger Hordak but she can't unhear what Double said to her. She can't unfeel her feelings, no matter how hard she tries. And that seed will grow and grow in her mind until eventually the time will come where she's gotta make a decision - does she finally leave for herself and shed herself of the Horde or does she continue to play at being the villain, because she knows she doesn't have what it takes to be the hero?

2. Catra

Catra is a princess! Of course she's a princess! The biggest evidence, the cat that can be seen in the corner when Light Hope shows all the princesses to Adora, telling her about the purpose of She-Ra. I have no idea why but the fact Catra's head gear make a metallic sound when it hits the floor when she takes it off somehow made me think it was an heirloom or something, maybe a token of royalty. And if Entrapta doesn't need a Runestone to qualify as a princess, then why can't Catra?! But anyway I think Catra knows she's a princess. She's never going to admit it of course, but she knows. And I think that's where her abandonment issues stem from. The Horde obviously lied to her, like they did to Scorpia and how her family let the Horde have the Black Garnet but Catra is smart, smarter than she gives herself credit for. She figures it out and realises she's been lied to. She doesn't leave, maybe because she's too caught up in her emotions to decide what to do, because she's found someone she can trust in Adora and she doesn't want to leave her, or simply because the easiest thing to do is stay. Whatever the reason, she stays, knowing that her family never actually rejected her but the self-doubt remains and grows. What if they did? What if my family never wanted me? What if they cast me out for something I did? What if they turned me over to the Horde in exchange for keeping their lands safe? And when Adora leaves her, everything she questioned becomes true except the focus shifts from her kingdom and a possibility to her best friend and a certainty.

Along comes Double Trouble. They see she's not a villain. They see she just wants to belong to something. And they put it together too so they plant the seed. What if my family wanted me all along? What if I could leave? Everyone else did. What if I went ahead and did what I want to do instead of what I have to do? And when the time comes for her to decide if she's going to leave and forge her own path, she can decide to head to Adora or seek out her kingdom. If you wanna get really into it, you could say Catra is a representation of her kingdom, like the other princesses are and it gives an insight into what her kingdom might look like and be, culturally. Perfuma controls nature, so she's a very spiritual hippie type person. Frosta is cold and distant (even though she opens up, that's how we meet her). Mermista is uncaring, like the ocean when it kills you and no one will ever know because it is a vast void both above and below the surface I have a fear of the ocean, in case you could not tell. Catra is cunning, proud and vicious. Caring when she wants to be but hostile because she feels she needs to be. Catra's kingdom is probably an outland tribe, not too far off from what the Crimson Waste is like, but with laws and guards and stuff like any other kingdom, shunned from the princess alliance for their unpredictable nature (you might even say the princess alliance left them?) and so have trust issues with princesses. This is why Scorpia was obviously a Princess, because she was so happy and positive all the time like the other princesses but Catra hides it so well because she's naturally mean and calloused. It'd be so dope if Catra was an Anti-Princess, like the Dark Jedi in Star Wars.

Alternatively, she was nice and her kingdom is nice but the Horde rubbed off on her. Either way, Catra's arc ends when she starts to attempt to be good and finding her kingdom might be the first step in doing that. My ideal ending for Catra's character arc, regardless of whether she is a princess or not, is she finds someone or something to help her overcome her PTSD, abandonment issues and anger management problems (I REALLY HOPE IT'S RAZZ) and she joins the Rebellion as a black ops agent, doing infiltration and sabotage missions but she keeps her S4 outfit and everyone just lets her cause they all agree it fucks. (Noelle please give me vigilante black ops Catra but give her therapy first.)

Quick thing I wanted to add before posting after reading back over this - the scene where she removes her head gear and sobs on the floor of the control room. I think she's wondering why she didn't just leave with Adora. Why she didn't just leave to find her real family. Why she didn't just leave to find herself. Why she didn't just leave. And it eats away at her soul every goddamn day she spends in the Fright Zone, but she can't stop now, she's come too far.

3. Glimmer

Oh man. Oh man. This Micah/Glimmer reunion is gonna be HEAVY. Truly, the She-Ra fandom is Atlas. Honestly, I wanna say it was Shadow Weaver that started to turn her into Dark Glimmer but I don't think that was it. This whole season, Shadow Weaver has just been like "bro I am just s. I am just sitting here". She's very literally done nothing wrong. She's just been gardening and giving Glimmer magic lessons. Dub is to blame with that. Their twisting of Glimmer's mind set her on that path and all it took was Adora to disagree with her on one thing and she exploded and thought "if no one will fix it, then I'll do it". Her regret at what she'd done on Horde Prime's ship probably means she'll profusely apologise but that's really all there is to say on that issue. Other that, everything I can say about Glimmer will come to me when she meets Micah.

4. Scorpia

Hell yes my baby. Episode 6 was so good. When I think about Scorpia and Catra's relationship, I think about this line by Alex Hunter AKA HiTop Films on YouTube in one of his Spider-Man essays I forget which one (but you should go watch all of them anyway cause they're all really good and go watch his other stuff and support him on Patreon, if you can) about the relationship between MJ and Harry in the Raimi Spider-Man trilogy:

Maybe Harry (Scorpia) loves her (Catra) the best Harry Osborn COULD love someone, but it's not the love she needs.

It doesn't fit Scorpia and Catra exactly so I'll explain. Obviously Scorpia loves Catra a lot but Catra's not the right person she needs to love, nor does Catra need love herself. She will need it, eventually, but right now Catra needs therapy. She needs help before she needs love and she needs to work out her own issues. That leaves Scorpia with a big heart and no one to fill it with. Ironically it's a robot that helps her realise Catra isn't good for her. It's hard for Scorpia to hear but Emily has to show her that Entrapta was her real friend and they had fun together and what Catra and her have is not fun. Then the next step in moving out of Catra's abusive relationship is the Royal Hall. It's here that Scorpia has to admit to herself that the Horde weren't pleasant, if tough, diplomats who simply negotiated ownership of the Runestone. She doesn't even know any of the members of her family except her grandfather and even then she was too young to remember him and she realises that the Horde eradicated her culture when the colonised the place and she's hurt. She's really and truly broken and to make matters worse, Emily is still trying to tell her that her friend isn't really her friend. It's difficult to face these two massive truths but Scorpia hides her pain. Not to run from it, like Catra, but because she's Scorpia, and Scorpia doesn't give up. So she seeks out the princesses. She knows she's a princess so she hopes she'll find some belonging there and she's right. After some understandable hostility, she's greeted. Not very warmly but still greeted. Her first friend is Perfuma, which I think is so fitting because Perfuma is the princess most like Scorpia, she's all about love and positivity and acceptance so of course she's gonna be the first to treat her with an equal amount of kindness that Scorpia would readily give anyone and everyone else. Frosta is next, the princess who knows what it's like to be an outsider, having shut off her kingdom from the outside world for so long and it's at Bright Moon Scorpia finally gets to give a real hug, not one where people squirm out of her grasp. One where she gets hugged back.

Backtracking a little, when Scorpia said to Emily that Catra has been under a lot of pressure and that's why she's acting this way, I don't think she was making excuses for her behaviour, I think she really notices how close Catra is to snapping completely. Since the moment she realised Adora wasn't coming back to the Horde, Catra has just been completely shit on, episode after episode. Nothing goes right for her and it piles on and on and on and Scorpia's been right beside her this whole time watching it happen. Except Catra doesn't have her optimism, she's got spite and rage so she can't handle it as well as Scorpia and Scorpia knows this so even when she admits Catra was abusive and cruel, she still wants to help, because she is a good person. And good people help others, help those in pain, no matter what.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, NAY! You’ve been accepted for the role of CRESSIDA with an FC change to Bree Kish. Admin Rosey: I am absolutely shrieking over the fact that we have our beloved, ferocious Celeste back in the group! You have taken the character that has been presented and added a number of layers to her that makes her so completely and utterly unique in her own right. The potential future that you have built up for her has me completely over the moon and there is nothing I am more excited for than to watch her grow -- or fail. Regardless, I’m ready for Celeste to kick ass! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Nay.

Age | Twenty-one & I shall smut plenty, thank you very much.

Preferred Pronouns | she/her.

Activity Level | Active enough? I don’t apply for characters I’m not stupid in love with, so I’ll truly want to explore them every chance I get and activity doesn’t have a chance of being an issue. I’d hedge a bet on being a pretty solid 7 out of 10, allowing for when I’m just too tired for my brain to function to produce any measure of eloquence~

Timezone | GMT+5.

How did you find the RP? | I signed away my soul to it, oops.

Current/Past RP Accounts | I’ve never RP’ed a day before in my life… what are you talking about…?

 IN CHARACTER

Character | CRESSIDA / Celeste Duval

{ NOTE: I’d really like to keep the FC change to Bree Kish, please. There’s just something about the red hair that really fits who I see Celeste as! }

What drew you to this character? | Have I told you how much I love this question? Because I love this question so much. It’s my favourite portion of the application: this opportunity to really go into actual detail about what it is about a particular character that gets you hooked. I so deeply enjoy the way it’s such a particular answer for every character—at least for me—that is very singularly attached to that one character, absolutely due to the fact that there is always a moment where I can’t resist it, whatever it is, the idea in my head or the skeleton, or long-paragraphed biography, or aesthetic concept.

With Celeste, it was empathy, to be completely honest with you. A part of me was already itching to sink my teeth into another character (and let’s just call that a testament to how quickly this group has restored the pleasure of this process for me) and I knew I wanted it to either be someone neutral, or a Montague – but I wasn’t expecting to casually, half-asleep, peruse through a biography & have to sit up in bed, electrified by a ZING! of connection. Let’s call that love at first sight. That’s what drew me to her. I read that biography, and my brain supplied a stanza from Plath’s Lady Lazarus: “Out of the ash / I rise with my red hair / And I eat men like air.”

But that’s a pretty brief cop-out of an answer, isn’t it? So I’ll at least tell you the many things about her that I am so in love with. I’ll tell you the way I love what a woman she is. I love her ferocity, and I love her humanness – which, I do want to clarify, isn’t necessarily not ferocious. I see Celeste as quite the discombobulation of aspects & emotions. When I speak of humanness, I mean that I love how vividly alive she is, and so intensely open to more classically tender feelings of adoration and hurt and sadness, yes, but also the more classically harsh emotions such as jealousy, and anger, and pettiness. I love her willpower, the sheer force of it that has tided her through so much of her life, and how it clashes with that very relatable, very painful internal need to be enough for our parents, to be accepted & loved by them, no matter how much you claim that you can do (and have been doing) without. I love what a sexy, confident, sassy, badass feminist she is. I see her as being extremely sexy, and 90% of that is how confident and unapologetic she is about taking up space. I genuinely just love what she represents.

And I want to be the one who develops her, with an integration of nuances that make her more than just a bold representation, and unravels a story that this wonderful, special baby deserves.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | As always, this is prefaced with the disclaimer that these are all subject to change, and merely ideas to build off of & give a vibe for the things I’d like to do with this super dynamic character.

→ ONE. The first thing has to be the plotline with Easton. Oh, wow – she wants to slice him like cheese, my friends. I would really like to explore her playing with that, because I think the connection in her biography says plenty: she will exact revenge. Now, I could see this playing out in many, many ways, honestly, but my favourite one is her using Easton’s game against him. He wants to make her feel powerless? Well, Celeste Duval is very, very well-versed in making men feel powerful, when it’s really her who is running the show. I see her, by sheer power of will, being one of those people who gets shit done, and she’s exceptionally clever, or she wouldn’t have made it this far in life with so many odds against her from the get-go. That plotline is something I’m absolutely dying to play around with, because I truly believe that it can be what builds her up or it can be what ultimately undoes her.

→ TWO. This marriage between her & Tomas is absolutely fascinating to me. I very much believe Celeste to be one of those all or nothing! kind of people, and with Tomas, though she feels nothing, it is a relationship that has a very gravitational pull on so many other aspects of her life. It is a representation of the sacrifice she made for parents who have never treated her to a modicum of parental affection, who she swears up & down don’t matter, and still, infuriatingly, very much do. It is a roadblock to a happy ending with a person who Celeste reveres, who is the love of her life and the centre of her universe and the only3 time in her life she’s felt like she is home. I really want to toy with that; I want to see how far Celeste can pull this off before this man can tell that she is not, and never will be, in love with him. I want to see if she’ll get to a point where she won’t even bother to pretend anymore. I want to see the dynamic of their marriage. And I’ll admit – I want him to find out that she has very much not been faithful to him, and then I want to see where she takes that truth.

→ THREE. I would really like to see Celeste reach a place of peace where her parents are concerned. I want to take her on a journey that makes her let go of them, and for her to find love, specifically familial love, in some corner that shows her what that sort of relationship is truly supposed to be. This is because I have this sneaking suspicion that this huge leap could make a sincerely positive wave, and the ripples would spread out to the other areas of her life. Celeste is a very dynamic character, and an extremely emotional one, and I can see her interpersonal relationships having an extreme impact on the direction/mind-set she opts for.

→ FOUR. On a less wholesome note, though, I want to see her choices challenge her relationship with Isabella, too. I want to explore this love of theirs – and I want to stretch Celeste thin about it, making her choose between her reputation, her misplaced sense of duty to her parents, her pragmatism & ambitions, and weigh them against this person she never planned to meet or love. I don’t think there is anything in the world that is more precious to Celeste than what is between herself & Isabella; I don’t think there is anything more sacred. I want to see the lengths she will go to protect it. I want to see what she would sacrifice for it, how much of who she decided she would be she can let go of, how brave she can be, how it can cause her to grow.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Maybe…

 IN DEPTH

IN-CHARACTER INTERVIEW: 

What is your favourite place in Verona? 

By Isabella’s side, she knows, immediate and sure. There's no question about it. The location did not matter; a graze of her fingertips could make a church feel like it was made for sinning, a classroom for falling in love, a street for an exchange of the most intimate of secrets. There is no pause for contemplation. There is no need for questions.

Her smile is a secret — and privately, reverently, Celeste promises to keep it. Her shoulders lift in a careless shrug. “I don't favour places,” she smirks around the unabashed words. “I let them favour me.”

What does your typical day look like?

“Mmm,” the sound is soft, but never makes it to sweet. Gloss coats her mouth thickly, and it has nothing on the syrup drizzle of her words: “I detest the idea of typical. That was never the life I wanted to lead; routine makes me restless, and being restless makes me dangerous. Hasn't anyone told you about cornering animals? Doesn't end well.” And this once, it is not a lie. This is not surprising. There were many things that Celeste Duval could lie about, do it without so much as blinking twice – that was, all those except for those she cared not to.

This was a part of herself she chose not to sacrifice. Celeste refused to be bored. As her much-adored Zelda Fitzgerald had once written, it was chiefly because she wasn't boring. 

What has been your biggest mistake thus far? 

“How much time do you have?” she asks, wryly. The arch of Celeste's brows is sharp, caught between something caustic & amused. It isn't funny – and somehow, that nearly earns a snort of laughter from her. Was her whole life not one? She had been one every day of her life, become who she has because of it. A girl, pretty & useless; only an accessory or tool or toy.

Wasn't marrying Tomas? As if she cared enough for it to be a contender. Was giving her heart up, losing any will to fight off how easy it was to belong to Isabella? Not being careful enough, being caught by the Craven runt? Perhaps not slitting every Capulet bastard's fucking throat on her way out of the cage they put her in? 

Her laugh is poisonous. “There aren't enough hours in the world, mon chou.”

What has been the most difficult task asked of you? 

“Tasks are not asked of me. They are given; synonymous with an order. There is no second or third option; there is no no's or fucking maybes,” the words had all the potential to be serrated, cutting through the poor wretch they were flung at, unflinching. Somehow, they come out patient. Solemn. 

She leaves the answer at that, without truly giving one. Why would she? A lifetime's worth of being deemed weak, and there was a desire for an open admittance of it? HA! Celeste would be damned seven ways to Sunday before she fell for that. “Difficult is a subjective term. I fulfill my tasks; I rise to all challenges – and then, I conqueror them. That is the script I've penned for myself. Learn it.”

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

Capulets. Oh, the very word sets her aflame. It's enough to have her fists curling to white-knuckled bundles at her sides, quivering. Is she meant to forget how they took her, kept her as their little prisoner? Is she meant to forget the way Easton Craven uses the brightest thing she has ever known to solicit dark betrayal from her – using her, just like them, like she was a toy?

“There is one acceptable ending. The streets can run red with their blood. I only hope to contribute to the spillage.” She does not blink.

Extras: 

– pinterest board;

– headcanons:

Due to her mother being French, she was raised on a multilingual education. Celeste is, therefore, fluent in English, Italian & French – though, she automatically reverts to French cooing in situations calling for tenderness, and filthy, crude-mouthed Italian when she is angry.

Once, on her way home, Celeste was halted by a distinct, pitiful mewling sound from beneath a stairwell. A scrappy, runt of the litter, left abandoned, came home with her that day. She calls him Victor – after Victor Hugo.

There is no text in the world that Celeste Duval adores with the intensity she does the Les Misérables novels. Already, she has large chunks of it memorized, and it is not enough to keep her from curling up in a bathtub with one at the end of a hard day.

There’s very little in the world that a hot bath can’t make her feel at least a fraction better about. She spends entirely too much money on bath-bombs.

She deeply, deeply dislikes children. She has zero tolerance for their shenanigans, no thank you.

Though she is categorically partial to jewellery in general, she has an affinity for anklets in particular. It is very rare to see her without one wound around an ankle, typically her left one.

She enjoys a nice trashy tabloid with her breakfast, but she’ll watch some news after a raunchy round of sex.

Celeste thinks about quitting smoking at least once a day. The better half of a decade into the nasty habit, and she has yet to go through with it.

The one part of herself she was insecure about growing up, and the one part she is astonishingly vain about in adulthood is the same: her hair. She cares for it meticulously, for all that it is always in a very deliberate state of dishevelment.

She has an awful, awful nail-biting habit.