#honestly this post ended up so much longer than I thought 8'D

[gren-arlio]

So. Let me tell y'all about a guy named Camus. And a girl named Lala. And other folk. Welcome to Episode 14 of Waku Puyo Extras.

(Ah, back at it again writing these things.)

Hey guys, Gren here, and welcome to Episode 14 of Waku Puyo Extras, a series where I cover basically random stuff about Puyo and Madou as a whole. The Waku part is just because my brand is a single game I translate.

As my free time gets smaller and smaller, the drive to show off cool stuff remains about the same. Thank goodness school is over soon. I'm still alive, don't worry.

Finals and AP Exams are very much happening, so I'm spending that time studying. I'm hoping I pass.

Now, you would expect me to write about PPPP (P⁴ as I call it, Puzzle Pop in other locations) since it released and has a ton of stuff, notably well written characters. But alas:

I'm an Android user. Can't play it.

Frankly, at the moment, I'm not too interested in it right now.

So, the last episode was about Draco, that famous lass. What about this time? Well, since 80% of my work here is Madou related, why not give a showcase of some of the lesser known characters as a whole? Manga and novel stuff included.

With that, hope you enjoy. Also I said a bigger post is coming soon and drop it a literal month later. Damn.

So, Who ARE These Guys?

If you're not familiar with these characters, I honestly don't blame you. These guys are considered kinda niche in the franchise, but are more well known than some guys. I could mention Hanzo and no one besides people who played the game he's from or read the wiki would know him. Oh, or maybe Skeleton-D if we wanted to.

For now, I'll just cover the people have at the very least some stuff about them.

We'll begin with Camus, easily the most recognizable one that we'll be covering today. I swear if he was in Puyo now, he'd be so damn popular.

(From the manual of the Mega Drive release of Madou 1. Notable for being one of the very few times Camus is drawn with the teenage Arle and Lala, both 16, making Camus 18 in this.)

The man, or rather boy, in that photo is the fabled Camus of the Sable Ord- I mean Madou Monogatari 1, both on the SEGA Mega Drive and Game Gear. Since this is a game where Arle is in kindergarten, Camus is her senior. Yeah, senior is the word for this one. He's notable for being the only person to get a perfect score on his exams, that lucky bastard.

Oh yeah he's also like 8 years old for the record in that

In the game, he's both helps you and hinders you for different reasons. Sometimes he's very nice and teaches you things, and other times he's taking stuff from you for playing the game for longer than three hours.

However, at the end of the game (Where he also might help you depending on some stuff), it turns out he was an illusion all along, which is always...fun, you know? That one guy who's been helping you out turns out to not even be real, least in the Game Gear version of things.

Honestly? He's a pretty interesting guy in the game. Arle holds him with some respect, and Lala quite literally has a massive crush on the guy that she's willing to show. Unfortunately.

(Things are really serious in the Kindergarten Exam Fandom...)

He can come off as rude but at the very least he means well. And my goodness, his theme in the game is good.

Underrated gem.

Now, up until a while ago, I kinda thought that'd be the only games he was in, a grand total of 2 whole games. However, by doing this for...a year now, turns out that there IS one more appearance of Camus, presumably to be 18 in the game because...Well, Arle is a teenager there.

Arle Man'Yuki. Or Arle's Travel Log.

Now if I'll be honest, I STILL dunno all too much about the game, despite doing an entire episode on it. The game is super text-heavy, so I don't know EVERYTHING besides some of the Japanese history involved with it. (Crazy how the Heian Era is now some JJK meme. Time is a fun concept.)

Here, Camus has taken the role of the leader of the Shinsengumi, Kondo Isami. It's a long story, so... I'll just link my own work here. (I FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO PUT LINKS IN MY TEXT...)

I never covered Camus extensively in that game due to his admittedly small role in that game, but he's a fairly upstanding guy. Schezo works under him as the vice leader. Ain't that cool?

Check it out if you're curious about that, some basic Japanese history that may be a tad inaccurate, or JUMP HERO.

And err...that's every game he's from. Yeah, he's in a grand total of what, three games? It's not much but it's still something. He's a very cool lad.

-----

Wait, who's Lala?

I'm glad you asked, me. Lalah is a character from Mobile Suit Gundam that works with Char after he...well, this is a Madou blog. If only I could talk to you about Gundam. But alas.

Lala is ACTUALLY a girl who's the same age as Arle, and the girl who's madly in love with Camus...as I've told before. But she does have a little more than just that, don't worry.

In the Game Gear version at least, she sneaks into the tower Arle went into to graduate, upset that she wasn't the one to take the exam, but rather Arle. And yes. She broke a brick wall to get to her.

(A 6 year old is stronger than any of us. LMK if you can run into a brick wall just fine.)

Now if I had to describe her, it'd be "Arrogant but funny as hell". Because she's arrogant but funny as hell. Arle calls Lala her BFF, to which she doesn't take that reply nicely and says they ain't BFF'S, they ain't even friends. Straight hater energy. (She wasn't able to take the exam due to a cold.)

Camus appears to stop her from interfering, and she goes on this tangent about how wonderful he is, and how he always eluded her... and chases him, as shown more above.

Things start to get funky when you get deeper into the tower, as Lala makes a literal trap hole, and Arle falls down. However, Lala is mad that she fell and NOT Camus, leading him to appear in the floor above and basically say "Idiot. I'm not falling for that." and she continues to chase him.

Her reign of terror ends when Camus SEALS HER AWAY for the rest of the game. But she's okay after it all don't worry. Arle summed it up the best way I could. She ends up fine after the end of the game, however.

Lala also appears in Chaotic Final Exam too, now 16, but honestly...it's one of the games where I know next to nothing about it. Apologies. Just know that she's there and not Camus. (Though with the style of how the game looks...probably for the better.)

She's just overall what we call in the industry... a girlfail. She tries her absolute best but fails so, so much that I can't help but laugh at her and pity her at the same time.

-----

I have no cool segway into this section. Introducing... Rasp.

You might've seen them around if you've checked my blog here or there as a front page image for my works.

And you'd be right. Rasp is from the Waku Waku Puyo Puyo Manga, a brand new character just made for the thing. They're basically a minion who mostly impede the way for Schezo and Rulue. I say "they" because, well, Rasp is genderless.

Fun fact: Their salary is unknown, but they apparently get paid more than a Manga artist, so take that as how you will.

Rasp does appear frequently throughout the volumes, and does indeed fight Schezo. While they do lose, at least they looked pretty cool while doing so.

-----

Lightning Round:

Now these devilish goofballs are folks I want to show...but don't have much info on them just yet. Or there wasn't that much to begin with.

Septem:

(Creatura...La creature 98...)

Septem is another genderless character from the series, coming from Arle no Bouken, a game I know next to nothing about. All I know from it is them and that they cling to Arle like a sister. I love them.

This is absolutely one character I wish I knew more on, since she's much more developed as a character...I just don't know much about Arle no Bouken.

Dark Witch:

(What is this, a doppelganger bargain sale?)

Now she has a little more to her that I DO know but it's nothing spectacular.

Planned to be in Puyo N but was scrapped due to the idea of her being too serious, which is quite the reason for Puyo, but appears in Comet Summoner anyways as a final boss.

You can even play as her, and fight Witch herself and beat her... and possessing her. Kinda, sorta.

Runelord:

(Dweeb appeared in one game and changed a man)

Runelord is an odd case, because some of his lore is stuck onto True Madou Monogatari, which in of itself...is kinda iffy lore wise. And also really long.

In Madou S? Wants Schezo to be the next successor, he says no, fight happens, Schezo wins but is affected anyways. Apparently he was beaten by Lagnus, but that comes from True Madou, so the accuracy of the Canon can be very much debated. It all depends if you think it's Canon or not.

-----

And honestly, that'll be all for this time around. Apologies this took so long. Life's been quite the journey. Graduation's happening soon, and finals are happening soon. The list goes on. I'm hoping I get by through the school year, but alas, I'm happy you read this.

Adios.

[starkfish]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @meduseld! Because while I haven't written in awhile, I sure do love *talking* about writing :D Under the cut

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

A nice round 50.

2. What's your total ao3 word count? 337,459

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Nowadays not really any, lmao, but BACK IN THE DAY I was obviously primarily an ASOIAF writer, but I've also written for Harry Potter, Law and Order SVU, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Taken, and American Horror Story. And I loooooove talking about those fandoms that I write less frequently about so feel free if anyone had any questions, I would lap that shit right up.

4. Top five fics by kudos:

we're men of snow (we melt one day)

Rivers and Roads

this house no longer feels like home

And Maybe Someday Love

to stand outside your virtue (this one is probably the biggest surprise in the top 5 for me)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I was/am good at responding when a fic is newly posted but I'm not very good at it now, which is a shame on me because I still read and love every comment and I think people who take the time to leave comments on fics that are years old are super super rad. Usually I see it and get all giddy and then forget to respond and then feel weird responding much later, which is silly of me. I don't get a ton of comments anymore but I'm going to try and be better about answering because I do appreciate them!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely Measures, that one is just an angst fest in general. Or hmm, A Myth of Devotion is a close second.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Aahahaha this is just making me realize how death is involved in like...all of my fics? So maybe Rivers and Roads since Ned and Cat get to be together at the end, despite the DEATH AND WAR around them? Or maybe that my lips would build a castle which finds Jon and Sansa together in Winterfell despite all the DEATH AND WAR THAT WAS AROUND THEM. Or maybe Wedding Bell Blues which is a fun modern AU despite the fact that Lyanna is unhappy in it. What can I say, I enjoy my angst.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not a lot, although I did just recently get someone angry that I tagged Ned/Ashara in 'Wedding Bell Blues', and honestly they weren't completely wrong but they were so obnoxious about it that the tag is staying there out of spite. And of course I used to get the requisite Catelyn hate but even that was pretty few and far between. My stuff is usually what it says on the tin and AO3 is a little bit more self selecting than other sites of the past.

9. Do you write smut?

Awwwww yis especially SMUT WITH FEELINGS.

10. Craziest crossover:

I'm not really a crossover babe, alas.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, someone took 'Measures' and basically rewrote it word-for-word as a Downton Abbey fic and someone recognized it as my work (...actually was it you, @meduseld??) and brought it to my attention. Lmao also back when I was on a Desperate Housewives livejournal (BACK IN THE DAYS) I had a couple of ESL writers take parts of my fics and use them in theirs and the mod of the LJ community got SO MAD at me when I was like "...hey please don't do that!" But the incident with 'Measures' was definitely the most blatant.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, and I think it's very cool! I would never attempt to translate it back though lol. But it is very touching to me that someone would like my work enough to want to take the time to translate it so others can enjoy it. I'm always fine with it as long as proper credit is given. I have also had a podfic done on a Lyanna comment fic and that was also extremely cool! The person who did that had a lovely reading voice. =)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not a published fic but I've done roleplay-y writing with a few friends before which was always fun!

14. All time favorite ship?

I don't know if I've penned more words, thought more thoughts, spent more time for any other ship more than Ned/Cat. <3 A close second to Elliot/Olivia in Law and Order SVU for goddamn longevity though. Still dragging me along, twenty years later.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Sadly I doubt I'll ever finish 'these are hard times for dreamers' because back in 2019 I only had the vaguest idea of where I wanted to go next and that has only gotten worse with time. I have also had a Lynesse fic half-written on my computer for probably like...five years at this point, BUT I think that's more likely to get finished at SOME point just because it is already around 4k words. But who knows WHEN.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Character work, especially internal thoughts, setting a mood/scene, etc.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes, getting from point A to point B to point C, especially concisely versus needing ten thousand words. I also think my dialogue is hit or miss, especially in a longer back-and-forth conversation.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I'll reference it if need be but usually try and avoid because I don't speak any other language fluently and don't want to make any foolish mistakes.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

Lmao SAILOR MOON (Geocities 5ever) and also I wrote some Pokemon stuff. I'm not even a little sorry.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I think it's 'we're men of snow (we melt one day)' which makes it especially gratifying that it is my most popular. There are still bits I would clean up if I were rewriting it but on the whole I'm so pleased with how it turned out and it was also really nice that it was a gift for a friend for FandomAid (@catelyngrant) who gave me pretty free reign to do whatever I wanted. So I'm glad I was able to deliver something that I'm very happy with because she deserves it! I am also very partial to my Lysa Heroine Big Bang fic, 'The Girl in the Mirror'. I love writing Lysa and this was the most complete thing I ever wrote about her, and I loved getting to flesh out her backstory. Much as it is super fun to play in the AU sandbox, it is also a ton of fun to examine a part of canon that is left uncovered in the source material. Tagging @catelyngrant, @apprenticemockingbird, and anyone else who may be interested!

[kardia-library-official]

20 Questions for Fic Writers:

(Tagged by @aashiyancha! :D Posting here instead of on the main blog tho, because I want it in with all my other fic-adjacent thoughts.)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

10! Which doesn't feel like many to me, buuuut...

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

...317,249! 8D

3. What fandoms do you write for?

For the longest time, it was just RF, but I have some stories for something else waiting in the wings because the brainrot just got to be too much. >_>; I also used to write a lot of original fiction (that's how I started writing actually), and hope to do so again whenever I feel like it. ^_^

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Behold:

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Mostly just because I get excited and have no chill. But also because you can't leave kudos on comments, and I want people to know I read and appreciate them. <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This was kind of a hard question, because the way I generally roll is that the bulk of the fic is angsty and the ending is kind of bittersweet or hopefully ambiguous. But I think it's actually Afternoon Lullaby. Which had an outwardly mostly breezy ending, but at the end of the day it's like... "Your love is doomed, and you will grieve him for many times longer than he'll even live." But the love is there and it is real! Which might only make it worse! Gah!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Honestly, probably Four Seasons Casebook. Mostly just because it ends with hints at things being... Too happy... >_>; (I don't consider this a spoiler because fellow Lucasheads already know what's up. :P)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Everyone has been really chill and nice! The real hotheads in this fandom are all busy on reddit trying to wish Cecil into the cornfield or whatever, I think.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

...Define smut, ha. >_>; I do write sex scenes, but I don't really do PWP, and I'm pretty vague/non-graphic about intercourse proper. But I love getting all horny and lingering about making out and foreplay, people's kinks, etc. I guess it can be best described as a "whole meal of appetizers" approach. Weird sexual tapas bar! Woo!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Does combining different games from the same series count? I feel like it doesn't.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, and I would be genuinely surprised if this happened.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I hereby give permission to anyone who would like to take a crack at it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, and I'm honestly not sure how that works! (Or maybe I'm just a control freak?)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Of the ones I've written, I'm ride or die for Lucas/Terry, and have accepted that it's kind of my Thing.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't tend to have a lot of things going at once, because I have a one-track mind and don't multitask well. I'm currently only working on one thing, and am halfway through the initial writing phase! But I have two longfics in the queue after that, and I gotta admit, I'm kinda "how will these EVER be DONE!?" about them, because there are two, and they are long. But I've written two longfics before, and they got wrote, so I'm sure these will too!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have an eye for detail, and a lot of visual imagination.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

My fics are long and tedious and bogged down by details and tangents. But I see that as inextricable from my strengths, so there isn't really any fixing it. I'm just a certain kind of writer!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Knock yourselves out! I unfortunately only know one language, at the moment so I can't play right now. :(

19. First fandom you wrote for?

RF! I actually dabbled a little waaaaaay back in the day, and it's still floating around out there probably, but I haven't interacted with it in years and can't vouch for it.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Probably Four Seasons Casebook. Something about that one really came together! I also have a lot of affection for All the Night Gardens, mostly because it was just so fun to be cringe and free and in my feelings while I basically chewed on the walls pecking away at it for over a year.

I tag @twilightscribbles, @wordspastsaturn, @tinylantern, and @nullnomore! But no pressure! And feel free to do it even if I didn't tag you!

[phtalogreenpoison]

20 Questions for Writers

@myfairkatiecat and @nobodysdaydreams Thank you so much for tagging me, both of you!!! <33 :D

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

7! I don't have a lot, that's for sure, but hopefully people enjoy it.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

15,936 words! Which is not that much compared to some of you, but I tend towards the shorter side of things anyways.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

So far, just the Mysterious Benedict Society and lately Bungou Stray Dogs. Which is funny to me because they are so wildly different. But! I also plan on writing for the Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern eventually because it's one of my favorite books. Nay, dare I say my favorite book.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I'll also just list all of my fics, because I don't have many.

The Sweat Beneath One's Eyes - This is my Reynie as a Messenger/Executive what-if fic, which while I had a lot of enthusiasm, I was still new to the writing of longer form fics.

Fish Eyes - This is my Dazai one-shot. I love himb. He is quite messed up (but honestly not darker than canon)

Food for Thought - A Number Two one shot.

The Brightest Eyes - Sequel to the TSBOE and from Martina's perspective :).

I Will Not Be Swept Away - This is actually fanart of Sticky and the Whisperer, but you guys seem to like it!

Sweet as Cherry Pie - Moocho/Milligan one shot!! I LOVE THEMB. They are my sweet big guys.

The Door Opens... - This is my OC & Dazai one-shot. I am currently obsessed with the idea. I don't care if no one else likes it. This is my baby.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

YES!! I love getting comments, but I mostly write niche what-ifs, so I don't get too many. I will respond to pretty much every comment if I am able. <3333333333

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably either The Door Opens or Fish Eyes. They are kinda sad and angsty. If you read these, consider this post a free hug.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Sweet as Cherry Pie. It's just tooth-rotting fluff and gahhhhhoaoodihfiods.

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

Not hate per se, but I've had a slightly negative comment before. I was still kinda a mess over it, but I got over it.

9. Do you write smut?

No. Just not for me! Also definitely not for MBS, and I don't have the will to do it for BSD.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I've contributed to some what-ifs on tumblr! But that's kinda it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so? I trust that it wouldn't happen for MBS, and I doubt my stuff is appealing enough to the masses that it would happen for BSD.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but that would be super cool if it happened!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, but I did come up with a BTXT au on Tumblr with my friend @1001galaxygal!!!

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Currently at the moment, shin soukoku. I LOVE THEM. They were enemies, they were rivals, to lovers, to everything. They would die for each other in a heartbeat. They bully each other relentlessly. I just ahiofewihofwioiomowiijedshnvgowoiwejroiweirowioefjioeewioioew. THEM.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'm worried I might not finish my sequel to The Brightest Eyes, but I AM working on it. It just might take me forever.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd guess characterization, dialogue, and inner monologue/stream of consciousness, but you tell me!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I can't write long fics like ughhhh I just want to write short poetic stuff, and even though I have longer ideas, I get bogged down in the planning and execution of longer fics.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think I could do it but probably only for a language I somewhat understand the mechanics of (not like fluent, but just a basic understanding of how it works). Otherwise I'd have to do some research.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

MBS! This was what drew me to finally get an AO3 of my own and also what I initially posted a lot of on Tumblr!! I'm really grateful for all the support from the fandom I've gotten, even though I'm relatively new and haven't done a lot.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Probably Fish Eyes. With Maybe Food for Thought in second. But OOH I really wrote some banger lines in Fish Eyes. LIKE. Please. Ask me questions if you're interested.

[rev-feaw]

My Short Review of Honkai: Star Rail after ~2 Weeks

Hi!! This is gonna be my first post here.

If you’re a gacha games observer, Genshin/HI3 player or general Mihoyo enjoyer you are most likely already know that they just released a new game, that is Honkai: Star Rail. I prereg this game and made my account on the first day, and this is my loose review about the game so far. Please note other gacha games I’m currently play daily are Fate/Grand Order and Genshin Impact. I also tried Arknights for some months so maybe there will be comparison to them.

Combat: 7.5/10

I don’t like turn-based system for the God’s sake (looking at you, FGO) but the way they have AUTO really escalated the rate for me. The turn-based here honestly more fun than I thought!

Art: 8/10

OK. As expected

Music: 8/10

What should I critic from Hoyo-Mix

Exploration: 7/10

Please keep in mind this isn’t an exploration-focused game like Genshin. It does, however has funni descriptions about items, reminds me of 2D exploration games (something like Undertale).

Story: 7/10

I’ll be honest I play this just as a ‘gacha addict’ outlet and don’t really pay attention to the story, but imo this one’s harder to digest than Genshin, maybe HI3 player can understand better though.

Characters: 7/10

Not very much attachment too, heheh;; Unlike Genshin where I was very attached to Venti after 3 seconds in the game. But the MC is a menace of society, real rate is THE RULES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN/10.

Also they have “chatrooms”!! This is very cool, because I think they can keep any character relevant with this.

P. S. They REALLY need to add more battle voicelines. You’ll go crazy listen to “the rules--” everytime you turn up the volume.

Worldbuilding: 7/10

I’m not much a fan of their worldbuilding concept tbh, I think “planet” as a chapter’s setting is too massive, so many aspects about it left unpolished (one nation/planet isn’t very believable to me). But maybe I just don’t understand well.

Grinding: 9/10

AUTO mode is gamechanger. You also can change a relic’s main stat once/patch. Honestly this is the one that can make me linger around longer in this game. GI and FGO both aren’t this forgiving in time spent on farming :’D

Also unlike Arknights, u don’t need three stars or something to start AUTO your way out.

Endgame: 9/10

NGL, this game has better endgame content than Genshin. A LOT. It has something called “Stimulation Universe”. I think it’s similar to Arknights’ Annihilation that reset every week and earn rewards based on points. So rejoice if you’re strategy games enjoyer and like to play around with character builds, this game is good for you.

Gacha: 5/10

Why even bother. Just go with your starter characters.

UI/UX: 7/10

Dear Mihoyo: SKIP and LOG button WHEN??!!

Overall enjoyment: 7.8/10

Yeah weird numbers, but this is my overall, subjective rate. This won’t be my main game but since they’re not as grindy as my other games I think I can keep up by just playing casually. The minimal amount of grind also helped in increasing enjoyment in the overall strategy gameplay.

Unlike when u play Arknights where you have to massively build so many characters with so limited items and pretty hard stages (even for farming for early player) or Genshin with their chaotic artifacts farming..or FGO with their horrendous amount of doing the same 3-turns farming manually. If I had to go through things like that again here, I’ll drop the game immediately.

End Note (if still want to read, or just skip, lol)

If Star Rail was published before Genshin I doubt I’ll ever try it. Back then the only gacha game that can keep me for so long was only FGO (Since 2017, dear God) because I was soooo invested with their story and characters despite I have a massive hatred with their gameplay (lol). 

I often got HI3 ads on Youtube and I thought their visual is cool. But the game itself never interest me, because the playable characters are like 99% waifu so no, I prefer to have pretty balanced amount of dudes and chicks. Then in late 2020 Genshin was released, and I’m like... this is the one... the one I’ve been waiting for!!!!

I may write other long essays about why I was drawn to Genshin very much. And I was right, it was the only game that can pull me out from my FGO exclusivity, and made me realize that HI3 was not just a mere “waifu” game, and they give faith for me about HSR that was still in the beta back then.

Tl;dr Honkai: Star Rail is good. Don’t worry.

[lockedtowers]

me, realizing i was gon follow a few ppl but i dont have my verses or anything rly up yet: …. so anYWAYS

some fun things bc im not gonna be on a comp until tomorrow then ill only be here mon wednes and surprisingly fri/sat next week, maybe some lil funzies mostly abt cassie bc shes my baby

obvi (if u kno me if not welcome im brina my brain doesnt work) i have multiple verses im just dumb and havent posted them, i gotta rewrite a lot of them to be shorter too bc i give full character backstories for everything as it develops and ik most ppl dont wanna read that so it takes longer for me to do things bc im ‘tistic and short quick explanations is not my fortay. main doodads tho: 1, 3-7 are fantasy worlds specifically, 2 is overall in any world, 8 onwards is purely human verses

generally with other fantasy worlds, i’ll have it where cassie ended up in your universe. Whilst my Wonde/rland is largely built off my own thoughts and things now, and various points of lore, the 2009 S/yfy A/lice was a base for it. A/merican M/cgee’s Alice is the base inspo for Cassie’s cheshire cat, but she’s also her own thing. (fun fact: originally i was writing her as the d/ormouse from b/urtons wonderl/and, but as she grew further from that canon w my never writing in that universe, she became my own character ultimately and holds few similarities to her origin now, including species! but her twin brother is still ‘proper’ dormo/use, yes it makes sense, its more a title than a species in this world)

Cassie is… moldable, mentally, to say the least. When someone finds her in whatever world she ends up in, whether its a fantasy world or not (as she ofc just lives wherever in non fantasy aus) she.. tends to be easier to manipulate because she will get attached to people just for being nice to her. she isn’t used to it. it’s rare for there to be a universe where this isn’t an issue for her (also of note bc dual muse blog: willys the manipulator, and shes the manipulatee) honestly she’s morally grey anyways and doesn’t really understand morality as a whole, so if shes found by a villain and they just.. treat her like a person, she will get attached. and cassie being attached can be dangerous, not just for others, but for herself, because she’s loyal to a fault. if she makes friends w multiple ppl and they fight, she wont know what to do because she just can’t bring herself to believe either person is wrong. it’s also of note that in most fantasy verses, she’d been locked up, abandoned in a cell, for years. She doesnt tend to talk and, despite trying to push a tough and uncaring act, she’s still scared. she’s still traumatized. a lot of the time she wont even talk. this is the everything tab also so be aware she has a scar over her right eye, and her right eye is a silvery blue verses her normal blue eye. she’s also pretty much blind in her right eye, but the color is due to heterochromia. her twin brother has one blue and one green.

she is very noticeably neurodivergent when you talk to her, and as many fellow a/utistics point out, cats tend to have similar personalities to us anyways (ive seen a many point out that if you can handle a cats support needs you can handle ours lol). usually shes fixated on something, but she’ll also use trickery of the tongue to get out of things when need be. she’ll unintentionally speak in riddles that make perfect sense to her, but others feel a need to solve. however in most universes where she ends up there, i do it post her escaping after the prince of he/arts (who kept her captive for years) overthrows his mother. She ultimately traverses due to remaining look/ing glasses from before the land was taken by the Hearts. Meaning she cannot get back on her own. But, she also does not want to.

It’s very important for the author to be aware that she cannot tell a lie. Muses not understanding is fine, because how would they know when cassie doesn’t know her own heritage in most verses (o/uat is currently pmuch the only fantasy verse where she was raised by her parents, making her aware shes the princess of spades, and aware shes a witch, but still unaware that the reason she cant lie is because shes a fae halfling) Cassie is a Fae Halfling, and fae/witch hybrid. The Fae half itself is a hybrid of Seelie and Unseelie like her father. I use pieces of real lore and pieces of my own here, but it doesnt really come up in writing much anyways. but she cannot lie to anyone, it physically tears into her flesh the moment words leave her lips. the only thing she can do is use trickery words to mis-explain, and even then it can titter the line.

Her cheshire invisibility comes from shapeshifting to match her surroundings, but beyond that she mostly can just change her hair color, slightly change her face for short periods of time, or as most often used and the longest shes capable of holding, turning into a silver blue cat.

fae wise her powers are largely elemental, water focused, and she doesnt know how it works. the faerie power she has most control over involves her own blood, which she can turn into crystalized weapons when shes bleeding. most often she’ll be using her witch abilities. in some aus, your character may see she has strange looking bands on her wrists and locked into place, meant to look like bracelets but unable to be removed. They’re power blockers placed on her by the prince of h/earts to ensure she couldn’t break out again. they keep her from using her powers, from healing, and otherwise.

her makeup made her an omen to the remaining fae of wo/nderland, which there arent many left there. they wanted to slaughter her father as well, but never managed to make it as he was too brutally powerful for them, either. The Fae had believed a seelie/unseelie hybrid, let alone a fae/witch hybrid, would bring death upon the whole of their kind. Ironically… Cassie’s technically a necromancer, and can give part of herself to bring others back to life permanently, or use weaker magic to bring them back temporarily. As such, when she dies, she tends to always come back, and oft with more power than before, and even less self control. She’s also the only reason her twin brother is still alive, but he wont admit to that.

purely human verses, she still doesn’t lie, but it largely relates more to the a/utism than anything else. she doesn’t like to lie in the first place, but has little qualms about confusing others when they get confused by her speaking normally. she doesn’t see a point in fixing that, especially when she can simply say a confusing, convoluted version of the truth to get out of actually admitting anything.

usually, because when i first wrote her a few years ago i actually combined her and this canon iteration (as shes basically what cassie would become if pushed fully to the limit) whos name i took, i’ll have her be the adopted daughter (and bio relative) of A/lcina D/imitrescu, with her sharing that name. Meaning she’s in her family’s wine business. She’s much more distrusting of men, between nearly being killed by one after watching him kill most of her family, kidnapped by him for blackmail until she found a way out, and her mother (alcina’s) own severe hatred of them. but still, honestly, if you’re nice to her she’s probably gonna get confused and fall for it.

theres also verses w @mastermiinded where shes E/llington F/eints daughter, thats probably the most normal cassie you’ll ever get if you want those but also she has a mom who loves her and was raised in a universe heavily involving a cult. she’s kind of bitchier tbh LOL

funnily enough, she is still always ready to attack at any given moment.

she knows a lot of knife tricks, and many would argue she likely belongs in a circus of some sort. she doesn’t like that argument, but she does know how to do multiple knife tricks, swallow swords, and do various slight of hand tricks. all while being blind in her right eye.

put in a multitude of self defense training, and for a brief time was even made her mothers bodyguard, she knows how to fight and she knows how to kill. whether or not she wants to is its own debacle.

if someone is out to get her and sb else tries to help, shes not gonna be cool w it bc she doesnt want others risking themselves for her, and it makes her feel like shes been kidnapped and locked up all over again.

[icannot3]

Liz, this is so cute!!! I love it :). Thank you for tagging me!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Sadly, none! I definitely need to expand there soon, but I just haven't had the motivation to do it, haha.

2. What's your total AO3 wordcount?

^^

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I write for specific characters played by Evan Peters. (Peter Maximoff from "X-men", Tate Langdon, Jimmy Darling, Kyle Spencer, Kit Walker, and JPM from "American Horror Story". )

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I'm going to be completely honest, I have no clue what that is 😭. Is it an AO3 thing???

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes!!! They make me feel so confident and happy. The fact that someone likes my fic enough to comment and tell me how great I did just makes my day. Commenters are the best and deserve the world 🫶.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I would either put it between "Anything, For You" orrrr "His Sanction". But honestly, both have a relatively nice ending that isn't too sad because it's hinted that there will be a resolve. I definitely need to churn out some more angsty stuff because I love writing it, but sometimes I feel like people don't like it as much, so I've avoided it.

7. What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

All of my fics have a pretty happy ending, but my personal favorite one is in "Apologies and Tire-Swings" it's got a childhood best friends to lovers arc, which I'm an absolute sucker for. This one didn't really get as much attention as my others, which made me so upset 😭. But I'm really proud of it regardless!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Luckily, I have not yet. (Hopefully, this post doesn't change that lmaooo.) This community seems pretty peaceful compared to others I've seen. ❤️❤️❤️

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kinds?

I do, but I'm not super experienced at it and only have like... 3 times??? I get kinda self conscious about how I do it because I'm not very confident about it yet. So most of the time, it's all pretty tame and isn't drawn out for longer than it has to. (Mutuals, I'd love for any words of advice or guidance!)

10. Do you write crossovers?

I have not, and I don't think I plan to. Considering that all of the characters are played by the same actor, I feel like it would be a little goofy to imagine lmao.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope!!! Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not, but would LOVE if I could!

13. Have you ever co-written before?

Nah, but I have played around with the idea a little and would definitely love to try. :D

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Aghhh I'm really not sure. Maybe Scott and Jean? I wanna say Tate and Violet but their relationship is in reality so fucked up so I don't think I should 😭❤️.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have a Peter Maximoff fic I started months ago that's been marinating in my drafts, and I just can't come up with any ideas to continue it ugh.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm really good at coming up with original concepts for my fics and are more than just a basic prompt. I'm proud of some of my ideas. One of my favorite fics, which is an example of this, is "The Sock Rule."

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Definitely smut. Like I said before, I'm not very confident with it at all and assume it's always bad.

18. Thoughts on writing diologue in another language in a fic?

I would love to, but only if I know it's correct because I don't want to butcher it and just use Google Translate.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Ewwww, nooo. I don't like to talk about it, but like almost ten years ago when I was 12, I was really into the Undertale fandom. So I'd write fanfiction that to this day haunts me. It was so bad, and people online had convinced me that I was the shit so I didn't stop for a WHILE 😭.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

It's really hard to choose... But probably "Prom Night".

Tagging: @babygorewhore @enchanting-evan @my-own-walker , and anyone else I haven't mentioned that is interested !

20 questions for writers.

Nobody tagged me, but, I really wanted to do this, so I'm doing it. Under the cut, cos it's long.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

16.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

70,105.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Really, only AHS. I've written for other fandoms in the past, and might do so again, though. A Peter fic is on the horizon... eventually.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Ouija Board, In the End of the Night I Can Feel Your Warmth, Chantilly Lace, Howlin' For You, and I Held My Nose I Closed My Eyes I Took a Drink.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always, yes!!! It honestly delights me that they took the time to send a comment, so I will reply (even if its sometimes late).

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably my Howlin' For You/Morally Violating ones, because reader sooooo hates him.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have happy endings, I think. Depends on what you consider a happy ending, but the sappiest is probably And Where He Goes I'll Follow.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Only from one particular individual, lol. They really hate my Kai fics.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kinds?

Always and all of it.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't!!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, I haven't, but that would be cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't. I'm a solo-writer, a lone wolf.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Ahhh, probably Neo x Trinity.

15. What's a WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have an Eddie Munson x reader that I'll probably never finish. It's sat in the dust since the show came out.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Based on what people have told me... smut. I'm really good at smut-writing, and capturing the atmosphere and replicating canon-sounding dialogue? I guess? I dunno what I'm doing, man, I swear.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fluffy stuff, and polishing up / editing fics.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'd really only be comfortable doing that if a) it was appropriate for the plot, and b) it's a language I'm comfortable/fluent in.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

uhhhhhhh.... Inception? Maybe?

20. Favorite fic you've written?

AH. That's tough.... probably I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink or Tendencies!

Tagging: @frankenkyle19 @garykingz @silverzoomies @quickandsilvers @missuswalker @icannot3 and anyone else who wants to do this!

[ryouverua]

The Despairingly Hopeful Flashback Light

“It’s been days since I’ve had a chance to insult people so do me a favour and line up in a row so I can have a go at each of you in turn.”

“Just.... enough energy... to pick that low-hanging fruit...”

Have you even slept at all since this all began?!

She... she’s fully ready to do this? I know it’s not participating in the killing game, but this still not how I want you to use your talent! Not at all!

Just before I go onto the good stuff, I wanted to bring it back over to Himiko’s fluff text because it’s so bittersweet to have her thinking about Tenko in this situation.

It’s hard to say though, Himiko - I think she would have difficulty accepting the situation in general and would try and encourage you to at least enjoy the time you have left. Would she be mad at you though? Mad, no. Sad, absolutely.

That is... exceedingly odd. We’ve only ever found them before by searching - but then again, who would be searching for anything now?

Maybe, but didn’t he say he wasn’t going to interfere with us anymore? I suppose that could be a lie too, but I can’t imagine why he would do anything like this now.

Closure is better than nothing I suppose. Though I’d argue that was... sorta, kinda what Kokichi gave us, in a way?

That’s the, uh, attitude? 8′D

“They don’t call me the Ultimate Assassin for nothing, kid.”

omae wa mo shindeiru

Alright then... well, let’s see it. She’s right, honestly. What’s the worst that could happen at this point? They’re days away from committing mass suicide! 

FLASHBACK LIGHT! FLASHBACK LIGHT! FLASHBACK LIGHT!

Is it the colours? Are the colours why I love this animated sequence so much?

Wait, Hope’s Peak Academy?

WAIT A SECOND ALL THOSE WORDS LOOK SUPER FAMILIAR

So it officially is now??? I always thought it might be in a small way (I mean, come on, Monokuma is there), but literally everything???

Hope’s Peak Academy, you absolute bastard.

Man, we’re really just going over everything, aren’t we?

~The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History~, which was then renamed to being the second most awful because METEORS RAINED FROM THE SKY AND WIPED OUT EVERYTHING -

Here’s Junko -

The Ultimate Catalyst. >>

Aaaw crap though, if she’s being brought up now... they can’t possibly bring her back for a third time, right? Right???

Now the 78th class’s killing game, most significant to history because that was what led to Junko’s death, I imagine -

We really are getting the Cole’s notes version of events, aren’t we!

I guess they can’t outright talk about Danganronpa 2 here, huh? Fair enough, honestly! Might as well give people a chance to play it without spoiling it too badly!

You gonna expand on that champ? ...... No? Uh, okay?

NO SERIOUSLY WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT CAME TO A SUDDEN END THAT ANIME WAS CALLED ‘END OF HOPE’S PEAK’ NOT ‘END OF THE HOPE VS DESPAIR WAR’ 

Wait are you seriously telling me the cult is the Remnants? I... I don’t know if I’m super happy about that, but okay... I guess it makes sense for them to try and latch onto something like this when their side has lost so much ground. Does that mean there were still a bunch of them lingering, left over from when their fight came to a so-called abrupt end?

Wait, Makoto did this? Would he be in his 40s or 50s then? I was hoping this would take a good deal after the other events, so I guess that’s one way to do it!

though with that said you didn’t have to literally chuck meteors at the prequels and burn them to the ground that is some serious overkill

hope hope hope hope hope hope hope

.......

Oh right, before I forget -

hope.

Please don’t sound so happy about that Shuichi, I thought it was actually nice for you guys to be from different schools. 8′/ Though I guess the whole reason were were considered ‘Ultimates’ was because you were selected as a representative of your specialty to attend Hope’s Peak, but still.

Applied? Weren’t they scouted? I guess Makoto changed the rules or something? 8′D

????? Am I just completely remembering things wrong because I swear it was a scouting process and not an application process...

Oh, that I like at least! Wait, does that mean there were 16 classes going on at the same time for a single year of students??? The logistics must have been a nightmare.

because Makoto’s normal meter has been completely, utterly destroyed by his own old class

.....

.....

LMAO

THAT

THAT WORKS TOO

.........................

eyes Kaito

......... Are you, now? Exactly... what are the symptoms of the virus, exactly?

Oh hey, it’s a new ‘New World Order’! Long time no see!

I MEAN... LIKE.... THIS ANSWERS SOME QUESTIONS.... BUT RAISES MORE....

I know I said I thought we were missing information that would help gel some things together, and this would explain why Monokuma is overseeing this game again, but I still feel like there’s more. I mean, also because even now we’re still in Chapter 5, but that’s beside the point.

Damn it the ‘h’ word is out of the bag and it’s like the game is trying to make up for lost time. 8′D

Weirdly enough, having the cult be the Remnants of Despair makes me more suspicious of Kokichi’s claims of being the mastermind? Is that just me? 

FML HOW DARE YOU BE SO CUTE AT A CRUCIAL MOMENT LIKE THIS damn you’re so small

So timeline-wise are we far enough away from Junko’s life and death for her to have become both a historical figure as well as a symbol? Do I have that right?

Mm, I mean, if we hadn’t had that whole ‘sister’ reveal I could see ‘let me witness the beauty of humanity in the most extreme of circumstances’ Korekiyo Shinguuji being a good, if slightly obvious, choice just off the top of my head, and without any relation to the Remnants. 8′D 

That I can actually agree with! There’s way too much of a coincidence between how things are being held for it not to be related to them, at the very least.

HEY EXCUSE YOU WE HAD A PERFECTLY GOOD ‘TRUTH VS LIES’ THEME GOING ON DON’T GO SHOVING THIS HOPE-SHAPED PEG IN WHERE IT DOESN’T BELONG

Literally my biggest question!!!

That.... That just seems like such a handwave answer! I know one of Junko’s things was how bored she got, and sure, Kokichi talked about how boring a lot of things could be, but the game was literally how Junko got her kicks! She was quite happy to see it until the end, and I’m pretty sure if Kokichi was following her script he would do the same!

Eeeeh? But like... Junko’s plan was ruined by Naegi, Kirigiri et al., right? She didn’t just throw it all away the way Kokichi has. Doesn’t that seem weird to any of you guys at all??

T... The number of times the word ‘hope’ has been said in the last twenty + minutes is leaving me dizzy.

“WOULD YOU LIKE SOME HOPE WITH THAT HOPE??? AND WOULD YOU LIKE TO UPSIZE THAT HOPE? IT’LL COME WITH AN EXTRA SIDE OF HOPE!!!”

Normally I’d love to hear more about your inner voice but right now I’d love for you to put it on mute. 8′/

I love you two but I am debating the pros and cons of pushing you both down the stairs leading to Kaito’s lab r/n

say hope or despair one more time

Aaaaw Himiko! My tiny shining light in this sea of hope and despair talk!

I am glad she was revitalized though - it was pretty scary watching her talk about having Maki kill her!

NO SHUICHI NOT YOU TOO

K1-B0 HOW TF DID YOU MANAGE TO GET THEM BOTH IN ONE SENTENCE LIKE THAT!

Sweetcheeks I am judging you inner monologue right now? Do you hear me?! I am judging you right now!!!!

If he’s the mastermind, it was probably a reward for getting so far, right? “Here’s everything else you need to know about the world that I didn’t get a chance to tell you.”

But if he’s not the mastermind aka lying about it, it seems like this is a way to disrupt his new power? Would he have really done this? Would he be able to access the flashback lights as the new king of the school, if he isn’t the mastermind? I mean, it’s not out of the realm of possibility - he’s got control of the exisals, and that shouldn’t be possible if he isn’t controlling everything - but if he also has the ability to give out flashback lights, why would he do it now? Is this is attempt to make them more interesting again?

Hypothetically, yes... though that conclusion does seem to be based on Kokichi = Mastermind. I guess to say everything I blabbed earlier more concisely, does Flashback Light Access = Mastermind, or does Flashback Light Access = Control of the School?

you wizarding nerd he’s not going to pop up if he hears you say his name

Or... would he? If he’s the mastermind, he should have access to whatever method of surveillance being used this game. This seems like a good time to pop up now in that case - gotta quash the rebellion before it starts - but he hasn’t yet.

Yes!!! Rally around Kaito’s safety!!!

SAIMOTA HAS BEEN REVIVED, BABY!!!

He did say he wanted the remote for the hangar and that he would be keeping Kaito there! So Kokichi periodically leaves to get food and supplies? I guess with an exisal, there isn’t much any of the students can do to stop him. 8′D

TSUMUGI IS THIS REALLY THE TIME

“Look guys, if I see a ship, I call it.”

also I’m a bloody hypocrite re: my saimota comment earlier

“SHIT SHIT SHIT WHY AM I SUCH A TYPICAL TSUNDERE TSUMUGI I’LL KILL YOU -”

TSUN

OOOOKAY that’s uh tmi, anyway thank you for your contribution!!!

?!?! :O Oh shit, when in the world did you get that? Did Miu have extras in her lab?

Oooooooh oooooh how clever of you!!! Damn girl, you’re good!

A;LKDSJF HIMIKO

AND NOT THE KLEPTOMANIA PART?!?!

Alright - so despite Kaito not being there, they’re able to hammer out a pretty good battle plan. Sorry Kaito, looks like you’ve been relegated to the ‘damsel in distress’ position! That’s... sorta close to being a hero? Related? Or something? anyway if you don’t think Kaito being a damsel in distress makes me incredibly happy you don’t know me at all

So they’ll be charging the exisal hangar tomorrow (gotta charge those hammers!) with an electrobomb to disable Kokichi’s access to the exisals and hammers to disable the shutter lock and as a back-up. It’s a good plan, all things considered!

.... But..... why do I have a terrible feeling that someone is going to be dead when they get there? For that matter, I don’t know why I’m saying it in such vague terms - I’ll be shocked if someone isn’t dead either by the time they reach the hangar, or while they’re in there. I posited the idea that Maki’s lab could be an alternative spot, or even Shuichi’s lab, but with both Kaito and Kokichi in there I don’t think there’s any doubt left. I also feel like the ‘potential victim’ list has been cut to the two of them too.... D: 

MAKI THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT WE DON’T WANT ANY MORE DEAD BODIES

Is this not just so incredibly reminiscent of what happened with Kaede? It’s incredibly tempting, I understand that, but we can’t make the same mistake twice! I also feel like this will be another case of 'wrong target’ but that’s a separate issue

Well said, K1-b0!

FINALLY a chance to use the nerdmugi tag again! It’s been so long! I’ll let that use of the word ‘despair’ slide this time, but only because of that.

C-CAN WE NOT NEUTRALIZE HIM

RYOMA’S CHAINS OR TENNIS NET CORD

KOREKIYO’S CAGE

GONTA’S INSECT NET

MIU’S GENERAL BONDAGE DUNGEON THAT I’M 99% SURE EXISTS UNDER HER LAB

THERE MUST BE SOME OPTIONS

Despite being embarrassed about being rescued by the others, I bet Kaito would be so proud to know that Maki reached out to the others like this and is working together with them to rescue him! She’s spent so much time caught up in her own emotional walls she created around her heart, you know? And now, finally, she’s letting some people in!

Okay now Maki this may not be integral to the plan or anything but I do insist that if the impossible happens and nothing goes wrong, you carry Kaito outside of the hangar bridal-style. Okay? Okay.

It’s wishful thinking, all things considered... but we can hope.

but first, time to get a certain robot’s underwear.

[jdrizzle15]

Her Second Return

Just like all of you, and especially my fellow Penny fans, I am absolutely devastated by the Volume 8 finale. I had been in quite a state these last few days, utterly heartbroken, and actually nauseous at times. It feels strange to me to be legitimately grieving a fictional character, but it’s not a bad thing to feel this way. To me, this just shows that CRWBY loves her just as much as us to have written her so well that we connect so completely with her, that it feels like we lost an actual piece of ourselves when she’s gone.

But as you can probably tell by the title, this mega post isn’t gonna be about accepting this end, not in the slightest! Today I want to share canon evidence that can point towards another return of our beloved quirky red headed cinnamon bun! I’m here to spread this hope that I and others in the Nuts & Dolts dolts Discord server have!

I have this separated into many different sections to keep these thoughts organized. With that said, here goes…

A Father’s Words:

In Episode 7 of Volume 7, ‘Worst Case Scenario’ we learn the origins of Penny’s aura, and thus her soul. We also learn that it takes more aura each time she’s brought back. This leaves open an option that could be used at a later point.

Many people theorized that Pietro could indeed revive Penny one more time, which he would absolutely do. But there also lies the possibility that someone else could donate some of theirs, I’m not sure about this as I feel like it’s akin to blood donation where compatibility matters or there's a high risk of altering her, but the possibility is definitely there.

Now, the conversation in Chapter 5 of Volume 8, ‘Amity’ that Pietro and Penny have is an important moment for both Father and Daughter. It was there to show how her death in PvP all that time ago really did have a heavy impact on him and is still affecting him to this day.

Instead of continuing to pretend that everything is A-okay, like he had done for most of Volume 7, he finally lets his true feelings about how it come out to Penny for what is quite likely the first time. Even going so far as to say "Are you asking me to go through that again?" when she offers to take the risk of trying to lift Amity with her power. He wants Penny to be able to live her life.

This entire scene with Pietro established “this is what will likely happen” even if circumstances are much different now, it doesn’t negate the fact that this is a key part of Penny’s story. Scenes like these have a purpose beyond simply making an eventual death all the more heart wrenching. Her never actually getting to live her life makes those scenes basically moot. It makes them effectively pointless from narrative point of view. Unless there's more to it.

Building Relationship:

The build up between Ruby and Penny the last two volumes has been absolutely phenomenal with a definite destination in mind, and this doesn’t feel like that destination. So much of the arc of this season was to help Penny. This girl that our main protagonist absolutely adores and treasures, it would just be awful to throw all of that out for what amounts to an avoidable end. Why use so much of their precious and very limited runtime on deliberately building up this relationship only to end it abruptly, and permanently, when they’re separated?

In my opinion, RT is definitely smarter now than to intentionally set up what was really looking like a budding gay relationship only to kill one of them for good. If N&D wasn't actually going in a romantic direction, why would they leave in all of the romance-adjacent stuff that they got, that's not how ‘just friends’ act. And that is not something you use such valuable time building up for absolutely no pay off whatsoever...

Representation of Hope:

At its core, RWBY has always been about hope. It’s not at the forefront the whole time, but there's been an underlying theme of hopefulness that has persisted since it began. Some describe the show as a Hopepunk, I personally find this to describe RWBY really well. This genre of storytelling is about caring for things deeply and the courage and strength it takes to do so. It’s about never submitting or accepting the way things are. Fighting for what you believe in and standing up for others. RWBY fits all of this extremely well. How does this relate to Penny? She has been shown to be a sign of hope for everyone, but especially for Ruby, the main main protagonist. A prerequisite for a Hopepunk story is the hope.

Her first death in V3 was something that fundamentally changed Ruby. For the first time in the series, we see our main character all but broken by this event. With the loss of Penny, immediately afterwards, Ruby’s hope followed. She made up for it through determination and force of will. We see it affect her multiple times throughout the journey to Volume 7. But upon her return in V7, Hope reached a high point for everyone, the sheer relief on Ruby’s face is plain to see!

In V8 chapter 5 ‘Amity’, Penny literally raises hope by lifting the arena into the sky so Ruby could spread her message. And when she falls, and Amity with her, the connection is lost and hope plummets again. From there things take a very negative turn with the hack begins to take Penny’s agency.

In chapter 11 ’Risk’ is the point in the arc where everyone is reunited for the moment, so two separate hero stories are no longer a thing at that point in time. For the time being focus seemed to be shifted to care about the characters and how they’re going to solve the current problems. This is also where Ruby reaches her lowest emotional point in the season.

It’s not huge, but it’s interesting how connected this is. Before Ruby and Yang share a good cry over learning the possible fate of Summer, Yang brings up restoring optimism and hope to Ruby after the younger sister storms out of the room in frustration. This is where Penny’s scenes take up the rest of the episode. Getting Penny back in control of her own body and safe again is what makes the ending of the episode much brighter, when just 5 minutes before Ruby had been distraught and scared. This then spills over into the group coming up with the plan to use the staff, putting the main group in a much better mood. Of all the things to go right, it’s interesting that it’s Penny.

Things go wrong with the plan in the end and Penny dies. I find it interesting that once again, Penny got them hopeful in their chances of doing something right. Given said plan succeeded but at the cost of Penny of all people, Penny is shown to be the beginning and end of hope for them

The highest and lowest points for hope seem to directly correlate to when Penny’s around. When she comes back again, hope will return too, just like it had before. And because she’ll likely be back for good this time, the second return will probably be close to when Ruby is nearing the complete abandonment of hope. This would be pretty par for the course of the show honestly.

A little aside, but in a sense, Penny also represents Unity. The CCT in Vale fell after her first death, knocking out global communications and the unifying connection it gave. When it was restored for the briefest moment, she was there. Her body connected so she could allow for its launch, her soul lighting the night to hold up Amity with every ounce of her strength. So of course when the Hack succeeds and she falls, she takes global comms down again with her. At a smaller scale - even at the Hack's second last attempt to control her, she draws everyone in the Schnee Manor together. At the start of the volume, Yang states the one thing that they all agree on is not surrendering Penny.

Unity seems appropriate for one whose first song and wish was for but one friend, who would go on to find so many more in the process, and permit for a moment the possibility of all Remnant becoming friends once more. Where she first died, the name of the episode devoted to her story - Amity, "friendship", from the Latin root amicus, "friend" - she almost lives and dies with the very possibility of a united Remnant. It's no wonder she's a priority target for Salem, the great divider, and it seems natural that her next restoration may very well allow the next bid to bring the world together.

The Void Screams:

Moments after Penny's death, we hear a weird scream in the void space. It was a guttural, pained, angry scream, almost like the void space itself was crying out. All the portals shuddered and flickered when it happened.

Some think that this scream was Salem returning, but that happens earlier than Penny’s death, her return is signaled with cinder's arm acting up. We know this because after the arm finished flailing uncontrollably, Cinder said triumphantly "she's back." If it were Salem screaming, it would have happened after she fixed herself, but it didn't.

And I doubt Cinder would have been surprised or unsettled by it considering she was happy Salem returned not long before it. And why would a Salem scream affect the portals anyway, she has no connection to the staff or it's magic.

Another thing to consider is the fact sound is not transmitted through the portals. Otherwise, they would've heard Oscar and the rest calling for them, or the screams of the citizens of Mantle and Atlas. This lowers the possibility of that scream being from Salem even further.

The sound really seems to be coming from something else entirely within the void, and that something is not at all happy. There’s also the fact that Penny was the only person who died in the void space, everyone else was just thrown out of it like Ruby and Co. The only logical cause to me is Penny. Her body was a product (or byproduct) of the same creation magic that made the void space, her blood seems to have been a trigger.

Now I can't be sure about it, but this makes me feel like Penny is almost a part of creation itself? For whatever this thing is to be so angry, that is the only explanation I can think of currently. But all of this could possibly relate to the Narnia allusion of 'the willing victim killed in a traitor's stead' that others have brought up, which will be covered next.

Narnia Parallels:

Atlas has several parallels and references to fictional places (putting aside real world ones like the United States). One of those is that of Narnia, both on the surface and on a deeper level. It is a land of winter year round, where people struggle to survive and there is a present divide between those loyal to the current Monarch and those who are not. James is a parallel to Jadis, the White Witch, a ruler whose thoughts and cares aren’t exactly centered around the actual well being of the people. The hologram table in Ironwood’s office is designed to look like stone, like the Stone Table which features prominently in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. He has a handpicked cadre of special agents/secret police, like how Maugrim and his wolves served Jadis. Another key parallel is how Jadis’s winter sets in to oppress and kill everyone in Narnia, but the Witch provides aid and protection to her loyal followers. She has all the power to spare harm to others, and uses it only for the loyal. As soon as Mantle splits from James and Atlas, no care is taken to protect them from the cold of Solitas even though he has every ability to turn the heating grid back on. His protection is only for the loyal.

Now that the parallel is established, let's look into the details. Starting with how James plays the role of Jadis.

"I had forgotten that you are only a common boy. How should you understand reasons of State? You must learn, child, that what would be wrong for you or for any of the common people is not wrong in a great Queen such as I. The weight of the world is on our shoulders. We must be freed from all rules. Ours is a high and lonely destiny." These are the words Jadis says in the Magician’s Nephew to justify the blood civil war she and her sister had waged for rulership of Charn, before she came to Narnia. She won that war, technically, but only after the last battle had been lost and her sister had marched right up to her so that they were face to face. Jadis’s troops were dead, her followers had surrendered, and the capital was under full control of her sister. But, she still had one card, one ultimate play to win and prove the throne of Charn was rightfully her. The Deplorable Word, a piece of old magic that killed everyone and everything except for her on Charn. It was monstrous, senseless, cruel beyond measure. But it got her that hollow victory. This mindset, the disregard for the people except as tools for her own will, the ultimate ‘aoe’ destructive move that no one had even considered her using, the unwillingness to stop even when by all practical measures the war is over, is a shocking parallel to James. In many ways, he is Jadis in mindset and deed.

Then there is the shared desire for A Thing that both James and Jadis have. For James it’s the Winter Maiden and control over her. For Jadis it’s the Silver Apples from the Tree of Youth. And funnily enough, the Maiden Powers parallel the Apples quiet well. These apples grant power and a life of eternal beauty, but should not be taken or eaten on one’s own initiative. They must be given, a gift granted by another, or only suffering will come from obtaining them. "For the fruit always works — it must work — but it does not work happily for any who pluck it at their own will. If any Narnian, unbidden, had stolen an apple and planted it here to protect Narnia, it would have protected Narnia. But it would have done so by making Narnia into another strong and cruel empire like Charn, not the kindly land I mean it to be.” Jadis’s immortality, and some of her power, come from the fact that she ate an Apple of her own will after stealing her way into the garden where the Tree of Youth had been planted. She gained the eternal life she had wanted and the power along with it, but she did so by taking it and was cursed because of it. Her skin turned pale and her lips blackened as if she were a frozen corpse given life. She will be trapped in a life of misery and hate according to Aslan- oh hey Cinder, how’s having stolen the Power you always wanted working out for you? Cinder had the power she wanted, but she only got hungrier, eager to claim more and increase her might. But in her pursuit she was defeated and humiliated by Raven, had to steal her way out of Mistral, and then suffered defeat after defeat while in Atlas. Only in the end, when she didn’t keep pursuing the Maiden Power, did she get any kind of victory.

The reason these parallels to Narnia are so important is one of the most famous events of the series. The cracking of the Stone Table and the rebirth of Aslan after his death. ‘When a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor's stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.’ Well, the ‘Stone Table’ in James’s office has cracked, and Penny strikes me as a pretty willing victim. She has never actually committed any actual treachery or harm, as she was the Protector of Mantle, and fought for its and Atlas’s people until the very end. And because of her death, the actual traitor, Winter, who loyally served James until he had gone too far, was saved. Through Penny’s self sacrifice, Winter was saved. So now Death itself will start working backward.

(Major props to my friend @catontheweb for writing this section, I was getting nowhere with it, if they weren't there this part wouldn't exist!)

Norse Mythology:

The tree we see in the post credit scene gives off some serious Yggdrasil vibes. Also called the World Tree, it is essentially all of creation in Norse Mythology. It connects all nine realms, including the God realms of Asgard, the human realm of Midgard, and the underworld of Hel.

Humans are born from the branches of Yggdrasil. The web of Wyrd is woven for every person once they're born, and their path is set from there regardless of how many times the souls cycle over. But at the end, they're destined to end up in one of the worlds, for a myriad of reasons.

I believe Penny landed closest to this giant tree. She was on the center platform in the void space, so if that space is directly above the island(?) the tree is on, it makes sense for her to fall by the center nearest to the tree. This would not only open up all kinds of possibilities for the volume in general, but it would also create options for Penny.

The whole of Yggdrasil’s representations fit well into Penny’s story. Birth, growth, death and rebirth. We can count Penny’s appearance in V7 as birth for now, her growth is all her development in leaving =the military and becoming a Maiden, her death just happened, and her rebirth would be her revival. And this is a cycle she’s gone through before.

The Norse god Odin and Yggdrasil have quite a connection. In one story, Odin cut out one of his own eyes to gain knowledge from a pool underneath Yggdrasil. The only one that fell whose eyes alone are incredibly significant to the story was Ruby. So, they could choose to have her allude to Odin by having Ruby make some kind of deal with whatever entity likely rules over this magical place. An eye for Penny’s life.

There’s another story about Odin, Yggdrasil and the pursuit of knowledge. Odin so loved knowledge, that he sacrificed himself in a quest to learn the deeper magic of runes. It was believed one could only learn the magic spells from runes in death. So, Odin hung himself on Yggdrasil for nine days as an offering, and teetered between life and death. After he mastered the last spell on the ninth night, he ritually died and all light was extinguished from the world. Odin’s death lasted until midnight, when he was reborn and light returned to the world.

This story doesn’t fit Penny perfectly, but allusions often don’t. So If she really did land near the tree, she could be another loose representation of Odin’s story here. What she did wasn’t for knowledge, but to save her friends and keep Cinder from getting the Winter Maiden power. She believed it necessary that she sacrifice herself to achieve this end. As we established, Penny represents Hope, so her death means the loss of hope. This parallels Odin’s story of his death meaning the loss of light itself. So if this theory holds up, it would make this death temporary, until her rebirth and the return of Hope with her once again.

Alternatively, Ruby has the potential of loosely representing Odin in this story as well. Odin later uses the knowledge of the runes to do many things, but the most relevant one right now is awakening the dead. Both of these stories are about making a personal sacrifice to gain something that is desired. Ruby would absolutely make such sacrifices if it meant saving Penny.

It is said that Odin lived “according to his highest will unconditionally, accepting whatever hardships arise from that pursuit, and allowing nothing, not even death, to stand between him and the attainment of his goals." This sounds like Penny's arc of accepting the WM powers. This is more just a general connection between Penny and Odin, but I found it interesting.

Side Note: I encourage anyone who’s interested to look into RWBY connections to Norse Myth, there’s a surprising amount of things that feel eerily similar to the show. Likely just coincidental, but it’s fun to think about!

(If I got any of this wrong, I sincerely apologize by the way. I researched as best I could, but I admit it could have been lacking.)

Ambrosius and the Staff:

Ruby told Ambrosius "we kinda wanna keep her around longer than that" as part of her very specific instructions. Then Penny died about ten to fifteen minutes, at the absolute most thirty minutes later in-universe. I don’t know about you, but to me that seems very short to be considered ‘longer than that’. Technically it is, but when writing a story and a character says something like that, you typically don’t just kill the character they were referring to basically right away. It makes sense for a week-by-week watch, but in a volume binge, which many viewers do, it becomes ironic how fast Penny dies after being removed from her robotic body.

The first time we see the staff of creation being used, it's to save Penny. Using the staff of creation to help Penny is a sign of how incredibly important she is.

They’ve even got this entire transformation sequence for her, so it wouldn’t make sense for them to throw all that away two episodes later. In a meta context, it’s a massive waste of time and budget considering the asset creation for Penny.

Penny is a character who has already hopped bodies two times. And now we're supposed to just believe that this time it really is a final death? Just two episodes after we were explicitly told her body isn't what matters, that "Her soul is who she is" and that "the mechanical parts are just extra"? From a writing perspective, it feels strange, like your breaking a promise right after making it. And frankly, CRWBY is better than that, which makes me think this is not the actual end for her.

A possible connection between Penny, Ruby, and the Staff (thus Creation) can be seen in the intro. As Ruby is falling and being dragged down into the darkness, she is shown reaching for the staff. In the void space, Penny is the one with the relic. So with Penny having this strong connection to Creation, and the lyrics “fight for every life” playing as Ruby reaches for the staff, it’s a safe assumption to make, with the knowledge we now have, that the Staff of Creation represents Penny in this particular moment. Which could mean that V9 will be about, at least partially, fighting for Penny’s life.

Musical Hints:

In terms of music, Friend, as a song for Penny, is very dissonant from the episode itself. The song is oddly cheerful for Penny’s recent untimely death, and it overall highlights the wrong parts of death. It’s simply too happy to be a song about losing one of the most, if not the most joyous characters in the entire show. The song also abruptly ends. There’s no outro, and while this could symbolize the fact that Penny died young, it could be that the song itself is unfinished in a story sense.

What do we hear just before the song finishes, though? A progression of notes that sounds eerily similar to the last line of the opening of Volume 8. The notes for “Fight for ev’ry life” and “Who fin’lly felt alive'' share a similar melodic structure, they aren’t perfect clones of each other, but they are incredibly similar, to the point where it seems intentional. Penny may very well be the life that the opening song is fighting for. It is also worth noting that the line “Fight for every life” comes just after “Sometimes it’s worth it all to risk the fall,” which is the exact wording used for the description in the Volume 8 finale. Team RWBY risked the fall, yet, strangely the opposite of fighting for every life happened with Penny’s sacrifice. Perhaps the time to fight for every life has yet to happen, and we will see it come Volume 9.

For another thing, the lyrics for Friend are entirely centered on Penny’s feelings for Ruby, to the point where they read very much like a bittersweet love song. The music itself is incredibly cheerful, as mentioned previously, creating a mood whiplash with the end of the volume. Why would we hear a song about Penny’s feelings for Ruby, sounding like a love song, if her death is supposed to be a tragic sacrifice akin to Pyrrha’s? The song may very well be giving a clue into its future use in the show proper.

If this was meant to be a good bye song, why make it so cheerful and romantic sounding? There's only one part about her dying and even then, it's just too accepting and goes right back into cheerfulness. The song is also pretty hopeful, telling Penny's story in a fairly chronological order. And the part where she talks about sacrifice is quite pointedly followed up by one about feeling alive. It also ends with the super cheerful chorus, the word "alive" being the last... (Remember the episode title: The Final Word)

(I want to thank my friend @shadow-0f-x for writing the majority of this section! I was struggling to choose how to tackle it as I am not well versed in music theory.)

What We Didn’t See:

It is likely that Penny understood Jaune's semblance better than him and figured something out about it’s abilities in the same way that she understood Ruby's semblance better than her. She had plenty of time to observe his semblance up close as he boosted her aura to stave off the virus. Because of that intentionally timed cutaway in the finale, we don’t get to hear her explain herself after her strained “Trust me.” All of that seems really suspicious to me.

Pyrrha Parallel:

Pyrrha and Penny both sacrificed themselves to stop or stall Cinder. Jaune tried to convince the both of them to stop. With Pyrrha, he failed, while with Penny he actively helped her sacrifice herself. Doesn’t make sense for the guy who was determined not to let anyone else do what Pyrrha did, unless of course Penny assured him she’d be alright.

The Moment:

RT including the suicide hotline in the description shows that they're aware that Penny basically committed assisted suicide, seeing it as a noble sacrifice worth doing to save her friends. They're aware, and I believe they're smart enough to condemn that decision to hell and back.

The best way to do that in my opinion is to pull her back into the land of the living and let her witness first hand the consequences of throwing her life away so freely. This would show Penny how her actions affected others so maybe she could learn to truly value herself. To not think herself expendable. It would be bold and unwise to portray this choice as something good, unless it was going to be called upon later and be pointed out for how horrible it really is.

On top of this, Penny was way too content with her death, happy even. There's no way team RWBY is letting her stay content with it. It’s almost as though we're supposed to join Ruby and Co. in calling bullshit on what Penny is saying and doing because no, Penny, this is not how things are meant to work. It's as if Penny was basically saying "I want to die for my friends" because most of the volume had been about everyone else making sure she didn't die. She knows it will hurt them. She knows.

At the peak of it all, a choice like this will totally destroy Ruby. It may very well be her breaking point for Volume 9. Curiously, the moment itself is written like it’s the first choice Penny’s ever made, yet the entire Volume shows this isn’t the case. However, this is the first choice that Penny’s made solely independently and it’s rather pertinent that the choice she makes is a mistake. Outside of giving Winter the Maiden gift and saving the day temporarily, this sacrifice will not have any lasting positive effects. Jaune will be saddled with the grief of killing Penny. Ruby will have to live with losing her best friend and not being able to protect her a second time, and Winter now has the burden of the Winter Maiden abilities, making her a target of Cinder. This is a bad thing, and Penny needs to see the long term consequences.

Transfer of Power:

As we all know, colors in RWBY are really important and get a lot of focus in the show. That means the yellow we see as Penny gives Winter the Maiden Powers was intentional and likely important, no matter how insignificant it may seem. It’s possible that the transfer effect being yellow could have something to do with Jaune’s semblance. When Fria gave the power to Penny, the effect was very much blue, so this transfer should have been green since she was the one giving it this time. The weirdness of this transfer and the focus on color in RWBY really makes it look like something’s up with how that went down.

A little off topic, but Penny saying "I won't be gone, I'll be part of you." makes me think... Winter is smart, so when she gets time to think about what Penny said, maybe she'll arrive at the same question many in the audience came to; if she's literally part of Winter, can they be separated again? If Winter starts questioning that, the possibility of Penny coming back just skyrockets.

Fria actually tells Penny "I'll be gone" before giving her powers up, which is an interesting contrast to Penny telling Winter "I won't be gone". She may have gotten that line from Winter be all philosophical in V7, saying Fria was now a part of Penny, but it hits differently coming from an actual Maiden. S5o it’s possible that Maidens usually actually will be gone, but Jaune's semblance did something to change that.

This could go well with the theory that they won't need to find an aura transfer machine, or build another one, because Jaune will have a semblance evolution allowing him to do the transfer instead. It might actually be that this evolution already happened and the golden light we saw was Jaune transferring penny's aura to Winter in some way?

An observation that I find interesting is when Penny gives winter the powers, not only is the aura yellow but penny completely glows yellow too, and she obviously starts to disappear, but she doesn’t seem to fully disappear, she just glows.

It's possibly a fading out effect and she does fully fade but animation makes bright light easier, and so we don't actually see her disappear because she's dead and not gone. But it does once again emphasize the color yellow here!

And the color is coming from Penny, it does go up Winter's arm a bit, but Penny is clearly the source. This transfer is so weird and I’m not really sure how to interpret it. There's just actually no reason that we are aware of to make the effect yellow here is the thing. Unless it has something to do with either Jaune or Ambrosius, or potentially a combination of both...

Jaune’s Aura:

The way we see Jaune's aura break in the finale is strange. His aura shouldn't be breaking here. It had been long enough since he was boosting Penny, he's had time to recharge, and it didn't look like it was a strain on him at all. Plus, we know he has a lot of aura, so there probably wasn't too much to recharge in the first place.

He has a massive amount of aura, it has never broken before as far as I remember. Even if it has though, that doesn’t make this occurrence any less odd. It should absolutely never be a one-hit KO. We didn't see anything that would've drained it, that should not have been enough to break his aura. Unless he did something - something that would require a huge amount of aura - that we just didn't see. That amount of aura drain is far more than just an attempt at healing would do, Jaune absolutely did something with his semblance that took up almost all of his aura.

Pinocchio Allusion:

As any Penny fan knows, her character allusion is Pinocchio, the puppet who became a real boy. Penny deviates from the allusion by having always been a real girl, as Ruby is quick to point out, but she shares many story beats with her original story including multiple deaths. In the original story, Pinocchio dies from being hung by his own strings due to his poor decision making and he dies. Sounds a little familiar, does it not? This is where his tale originally ended. Readers were unsatisfied with this ending however, so the author decided to change the story by reviving Pinocchio and teaching him to be more careful.

Unlike Pinocchio making all the wrong decisions, Penny often makes the right ones, or ones she thinks is right, when concerning others. While usually a good thing, this has meant Penny almost giving herself up multiple times during V8, her last attempt being successful. This is where Penny and Pinocchio begin to share similarities again. They are both very reckless when it concerns themselves. This carelessness comes from different places, but it ends with the same result of them endangering their lives and even sometimes losing them.

In the Disney movie, Pinocchio dies by drowning after going to rescue Geppetto and washes up on the shore (like the beach in V8’s post credit scene). His father is devastated and takes him home to grieve, but as a reward for his selflessness in rescuing his father, the Blue Fairy returns and brings him back to life, as well as granting him humanity. Penny sacrificed her life as well, and it stands to reason that she should be rewarded for it, much like her allusion was.

Penny got her maiden powers from someone with blue aura and then gave her powers to someone with blue aura. So it could be that not only Ambrosius, but Fria and Winter as well represent the Blue Fairy. It could be set up for Winter helping to bring Penny back to life once more. It’s an out there theory I admit, but it’s not outright impossible either. The Blue Fairy in Pinocchio saved him three times that I know of, so RWBY having three representations does make sense.

Geppetto wished for him to live as a real boy, but it depended on what path Pinocchio took. This is very reminiscent of Penny and Pietro. Pietro wants to see her live her life, and surely with him absent in V8C14 that didn't work, despite Penny choosing. Her father did not see her happy enough to live her life, and will only be able to learn her death through others. But Pinocchio's themes were life and being alive. So the likelihood that this is not her end yet is quite high!

A Girl That Fell Through the World:

Penny could be the girl who fell through the world. The girl in the story fled the consequences of a choice. The only person who chose her ultimate fate was Penny. The others were pushed into the void, but she chose to die. The consequence of her choice is Ruby’s grief first and foremost, which Penny won’t see. The girl who fell through the world does come back though, and the world will be changed severely with Penny’s absence. Alternatively, it could also be Penny coming back to Wonderland or wherever they currently are, as long as it’s unrecognizable to her.

What Returning Brings:

Others might say another return would have no story relevant purpose, but I wholeheartedly disagree. Penny gives a profoundly youthful, joyous, and wondrous outlook on the world and story that we hadn't seen since Ruby in Volumes 1-3(not the end), Penny returning would bring a much needed levity back in after the despair they will undoubtedly be going through. While not necessarily a huge thing in most other shows, for RWBY, a show largely about keeping up hope, an ounce of such relief is a necessity.

As much as I hate saying it, Penny’s death does actually make some narrative sense because she had to pass on the Maiden powers. (They could have done this in a number of ways, and I personally think they chose rather poorly, but I digress.) Throughout this whole volume, we can see Penny seemingly being set up to join the main cast, but would have been too strong with the powers. This also accomplishes ridding her of the burden of responsibility that comes with being a Maiden and lets her obtain the freedom that’s so important to her character.

Once she returns, seeing this grief that her actions caused, particularly to Ruby, will get her to realize more that her actions can have serious repercussions. She made a choice, but that choice hurt the people she loves. She must have known that it would but I’m not sure she ever realized just how much.

I didn’t want this post to be heavy in the shipping department, so I largely left it out, but I am going to say this one thing that could have an impact. If Nuts & Dolts is on its way to being canon, which this volume makes it feel highly likely, this could be a catalyst.

It could prompt an arc for the both of them in which Penny learns to live her life fighting for her loved ones, rather than sacrificing it for them. A relationship could potentially start from there. And Ruby seeing Penny learn these things may also help her to stop doing the occasional but very dangerous and reckless things she does. Ruby witnessing Penny coming to terms with what she did to the people that care about her would actually make her stop to think “wait, is this how everyone else would feel if I got myself killed?” That would be a very important moment of character growth for her.

I’m certain there are other significant things that Penny returning can bring to the show. And there are definitely more sections I could add to this. At this point though, assuming anyone even made it this far, I think I’ve been going long enough already. So let’s just roll into the outro!

As painful and hopeless as it seems, I'm choosing to trust them with this because there is absolutely no way they didn't see backlash coming. The way this finale went makes me think that they calculated for backlash and aren’t jumping into something they don’t have a plan to recover from. Whether this trust is unfounded or not remains to be seen, but I don’t think it is currently. I do think, however, that the cause of this backlash was a major misstep. Now that it has happened though, they have a chance to do something good with it.

I know for a lot of you, trust in CRWBY has been damaged, some even irreparably so. And for those that feel this way, I don’t blame you. My trust in them took a hit too, but isn’t broken completely yet. There are many ways that they can bring her back that would make sense with the narrative, they have the ability to make it right, and after going over all of the hints and general weirdness of things many times, I think they will.

I'm feeling pretty confident now and I really didn't expect that to happen at all to be honest. But discussing and theorizing with the discord server seriously helped get my hopes back up surprisingly fast! It’s actually thanks to all of them that this gigantic post even happened! So thanks a ton my fellow Dolts! And a special thanks to!!

@arcana-amicus

@catontheweb

@cosmokyrin

@gaydontmesswithme224

@jammatown919

@shadow-0f-x

They really helped get this thing across the finish line!

And thank YOU for reading all~ of this! I sincerely wish it gave you some of the hope and confidence that I now have!

[aresrl]

Emergency Request? If you don't accept any ignore it, please! Don't force yourself to write it, only for my comfort :)

As for the initial ask — headcanons for reader, who's hard work never gets acknowledged, as she's always in the shadows of someone who has the talent for it? For example, the wielding of a bow? She had spend years in working hard to get to the number 1 rank, yet never able to reach it, not because her abilities are not enough, quite the opposite — they're the highest in the region, just society prioritizes natural talent over hard work. Short scenario/headcanon where she finally cracks under the feeling of never beeing enough and always beeing the second choice to EVERYONE. Such as her family, former friends and current acquaintances.

Please include Diluc and if you accept more than one, Venti and Xiao. If its too much, only Diluc :)

Vent in the next paragraph!!!

I'm in a situation familiar to the request. My whole life I never was anyone's number one, but always the second. And people "taking" this spot, always had a natural talent that I didn't, but instead worked years for. Such as synchronizedswimming — my coaches never saw my potential, my hard work and even though, loud the list, I'm the best in the whole team, there always come new girls that have the talent for it and the coaches give them their whole attention, forgetting me. And honestly, even I, a mentally VERY strong person, can't hold it inside themselves for 8 years under the "dramatic, positive swimmer." My old team, all left before and during the quarantine, as did my duett parter of 6 years and she didn't even say goodbye. Like damn, did our partnership really meant nothing to her? To put it simply, I'm just tired of keeping the strong facade facade want to be held someone, anyone, but there's no person I can go to...

That became depressing very quick, I'm sorry if this vent affected your mood and I'm so sorry for beeing selfish to post it publicly, as its really only my problem, but... I don't know. I don't have an excuse.

Have a nice day lovely and know that you're loved :) <3

(Again, ignore if you aren't comfortable with writing this!)

I apologize if it was long! I feel like I've been doing it too slowly. I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but for now, I'll only release this with Diluc as I'm afraid I would take too much time to write the others. It's the first time I'm writing in this genre and also the first time I'm receiving an emergency request, so it may be clumsy! Genre: Hurt with comfort Content: Feelings of not being enough, frustration, rejection. Characters: Diluc (Xiao and Venti won't come actually, sorry).

• It's been many years now since you joined the archery association. What motivates you to stay in is your love for this knightly art: you love the fact that it requires peace of body and mind and how it creates new companionship with people sharing this same hobby. • Your love for this made you spend your sweat, all your efforts for years. So much that you became the best of your team, and also, of your region. But not in everyone's eyes. It was the end of the session, you were heading to the room to store your bow. You had a group exercise today, and you were satisfied with what you've done. However, you heard the coach talk to one of the girls that were part of your group: “It's pleasant to work with you because you already got it in you, you know? I feel like our sessions together are easier and run more smoothly.” Does it mean that it's not with me? Because I don't have it in me? Have I been forgotten again...? Once again, you plunged back into these thoughts. The coach knows I'm the best in the ranks. I'm always happy in front of them, and yet, it doesn't satisfy them. Would I be not enough...? You decided to stop thinking about it. You didn't want to feel that again, so in the hope of relaxing and distract yourself, you chose to go home by taking a longer path. Unfortunately, walking was leaving you too alone with your thoughts. I wasn't the one talking with the coach. So it's normal if they give them more attention! But even when I'm here, they're not even glancing at me when complimenting us. I'm tired of lying every time something like this happens. But I know I'm not worth anything! But still-- It seems not enough for people to see that- I'm here... You felt tears coming, so you stopped walking and decided to sit on the ground. It's so frustrating. Tears fall. I can't even complain. Nobody would hear me. But Diluc was near. He was on his way home from Mondstadt. He saw your sitting silhouette while walking and when he recognized you, he headed in your direction. But once he was close enough to hear what sounded like cries, he walked faster, almost ran to reach you. He reached your shoulder from behind with his left hand. He didn't want to hug you yet to not rush things. He kept his hand on you while turning to face you. Your head was facing the ground while you were crying. “D-Diluc...?” you said as you were lifting your head up to check who it was. “You can talk to me if you need to. I'm here for you now.” Is he truly here for me? I don't know. Your confusion frustrated you even more now, leading you to cry louder. Diluc didn't want to stay there with only his hand to comfort you. He hugged you. His right hand was in your hair, and the other caressed your back. His hug is tight. He wants to help you, to stop your cries, to put an end to your current pain. He won't force you to talk if you don't want to, so he remains silent. “People- They won't make me stop thinking I'm not enough. But I work so hard! I know it...” you said, crying in his chest. “They can't see how much effort I put into what I love. I'm not jealous, but- people with natural skills are more praised than people-” Your voice lowered. “Than me...” A little silence passed before Diluc answered. “To be honest, I haven't seen that coming. I assume you've been enduring this for some time.” He paused, his head slackening a bit. “This world is unfair. Things will never go as you wish. People won't always recognize your work as they should. But you're strong. You can already recognize your own, and this should be enough.” He sighs. “I love you, Y/n. When you feel like this, you can think about me. I can assure you that, to me, you are perfect. You don't need to be more.”

[justoneday-namjoonii]

Quarters. | 9

☼1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 

prompt: “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” — soul-gazing

pairing: Jungkook x reader

warnings/au: please keep warnings in mind—dysfunctional relationship with a capital D, toxic relationship themes, but they’re attempting to get better, probably inaccurate therapy but i tried, m-ish, humor(i try), mentions of drug usage, cheater cheater pumpkin eater?, fluff, angst, boxer!au, iceskater!au. 

authors note: Hello!!💖it’s been a while since the last update but here we are. ✨This chapter is pretty long✨. Unlike some of the other parts, it is following the timeline of the previous part(pt. 8) so just keep that in mind. See m.list for other parts. Enjoy!🥰

“Do it again, you need to stop relying on your right leg so much!”

Your coach yells for the third time in the last hour, she’s being a tyrant today. Your poor ankles are about to break off, your legs are straining and the cold air is starting to feel like vengeful needles. It’s been about two months since the incident with your leg and the doctor at your last check up granted you freedom to skate again. You’re glad it did to because you were about to go crazy. After the scandal came out about you and your ex-coach judge, she asked you if you wanted to get back into pairs. She went on about how Lucas was open to joining pairs again and that maybe you could get back with him—tempting offer. You’ve thought about it, though you still haven’t made a decision. It has been months since your injury, you can no longer use it as an excuse to take things easy. 

Determined to get it right, you skate back to your starting point and try it again. You skate forward, bending your knees just slightly to gain more momentum and once you turn, you take off into a triple salchow. Perfect.

”Finally,” You mutter, skating over to the edge of the rink where your coach is just getting off a phone call.

“Okay, Lucas will be here on Thursday to practice with you,” She smiles, tucking her phone in her pocket, “there’s a competition in two months and I think you two should sign up for it.”

“Coach, I haven’t decided if I want to get back into that,” You put on your blade guards and walk over to the lockers, “I just don’t know yet.”

“Think about it,” She leans against the lockers as you untie your skates and put them in your bag, “if you’re seriously pursuing this career, you have to be flexible. You’re not getting any younger. I hate it just as much as you do but you’ll get positive exposure with him and maybe even pick up a sponsor for the season.”

“Fine,” You zip up your duffel bag and slip your hoodie on, deciding to leave the yoga pants on, “but I need a break. I worked a night shift last night so I’m only standing because I took three espresso shots and I’m about to take another one, I’m exhausted.”

“I know you are, try to get some rest this weekend. You’ll be at the ballet studio for half of next week so you won’t be on the ice,” She says that, hoping it’ll give you some relief, “just don’t forget to soak your feet tonight.”

You gather your stuff and walk out of the center, waving at Carrie the desk clerk like a zombie. It’s only 8 o’clock but you’ve been here for two hours, you feel like you’re in a time loop. An eternal warp created to keep you totally spent. When you hop in your car, you crank it up and turn the heat on. Not long after, your eyelids begin to feel heavy so you drive over to the closest coffee shop. When you look down at your phone, you see a missed call from Jeon Jungkook. All prior emojis have been removed from his contact.

His call will stay missed, just like the other five. You’re not in the mood for his sob story. About two weeks ago, you decided that you two needed to take a break but he took it hard. You remember sitting on your couch with crossed arms and staring at him as he twisted and squirmed uncomfortably.

“What kind of break?”

Are there different kinds?

“The kind where we stop seeing each other all the time, I don’t know what kind that is, Jungkook. But I can’t deal with this right now, it’s causing me major stress and anxiety...”

“You can’t deal with me?” He sounds hurt.

“Not with you Jungkook, with your crap. I have a ice skating career to try to work out, a job, school, the last thing I need to worry about is whether you can control yourself,” You frown, “you were just at my house with my niece and next thing I know you’re out getting high and fooling around with other girls.”

“You’re still upset about the photo,” He concludes, “baby, I told you, it didn’t go anywhere with that girl, I pushed her off. I wasn’t completely sober but I know I didn’t let her-”

“That’s exactly my point, you were doing drugs. And for what? You don’t need it. I understand a little bit of smoking every now and then but I can’t handle when you do that other stuff. That night was a disaster. I got stabbed, how does that even happen? But of course, it would happen to me,” You massage the sides of your temples. “I’m just over it, I’m tired.”

“You want to give up on us? Just like that? I’ve apologized a thousand times, I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m sorry,” He twiddles his fingers and bites at his bottom lip, “I don’t know what else to do.”

“I’m not giving up,” You defend, “we need some space to work on our selves.”

“Why can’t we work on ourselves together?”

“We’ve been doing that and it doesn’t work.”

The conversation continued on until you two ended up arguing for a good hour before you lied, saying you had to go to class. He left and you haven’t heard from him since, not a a call, a text, a call, not even a like on any of your recent posts. He’s taking this well.

*

“Why did you do that!? She’s gonna think I called her,” Jungkook snatches the phone from Jimin, “fuck, are you trying to get me killed?”

“Come on,” Jimin roles his eyes with a grin, putting his boxing gloves back on, “you guys can’t stay away from each other, you expect me to believe you two aren’t talking-”

“I’m serious, we haven’t talked for weeks,” Jungkook locks his phone with a frown, tucking it in his gym bag, “she’s done with me.”

“Oh, aw man,” He is serious, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you guys broke up.” 

He had been by you and Jungkook for the entirety of the relationship, it always seemed like you preferred things to be spontaneous. Admittedly, he knew Jungkook would do something that pushed you over the edge one day but he didn’t think it would be so soon. 

“We didn’t break up,” Jungkook mumbles, tying his hair back with a head band, “we’re just taking a break, that’s what she told me at least.”

“Aw, that sucks,” Jimin has to contain his amusement, it’s not funny but the fact that Jungkook is giving you full control over the relationship is unusual to him.

“Every time I think about trying to talk to her, I just remember that face she makes and that tone she uses. That’s when I know she does not give a single fuck, it’s scary.” 

“Is there a reason she’s being so hard on you? Don’t get me wrong, you were in the wrong. You shouldn’t have been there but it’s been weeks.”

“Her past relationship was rough on her mentally and emotionally. When she was young she had some things happen to her that causes her to have a hard time trusting others.”

“If you knew that then why did you do what you did?”

“I don’t know, okay? Everyone's been beating me up about it but I just don’t have an answer for you. I said I was sorry,” Jungkook shakes his head, fists making brunt contact with the punching bag, “I just I miss her,”

“It’ll be alright, she’ll come around,” Jimin holds the bag, keeping it still for the lovesick boy, “just give it some time. Hey, I’m taking my niece to the ice-skating rink in town, you should come!”

Jungkook, dramatically collapses to the ground, laying back on the ground with his boxing gloves on his face. “Ice-skating, why would you suggest ice-skating!?” He whines. “That’s literally what she does, it’s just going to remind me of her...”

“Aw Kook, I know,” Jimin can’t help but giggle at Jungkook’s overreaction, “that’s okay, you’ll be fine, and besides,” He pulls him up from the ground and pushes his shaggy hair back, “you can’t stay away from each other forever..”

“What about this one?” You step out of the dressing room, turning from side-to-side to let her see, “I like the color.”

“That’s the one,” Harmony scrolls through her phone, eyes going between you and the screen, “perfect.”

“Harmony, you’re just saying that!” You whine, turning to look into the mirror again with a frown.

“Y/n, this is the 11th dress you’ve tried on, it looks great. I’m serious.”

“Okay, I’ll go with this one then,” You smile, going back in the dressing room to change back into your clothes. Yuna’s having a party for the charity she works with. All of the money donated goes to buying toys and clothes for kids in foster care and orphanages, you attend every year. 

“You know, I heard Jungkook might come with Taehyung,”

Ugh, you forgot that your groups of friends are also friends. Jeon Jungkook, you still consider him your boyfriend in some aspects, but you don’t want to face him right now. Maybe you’re dragging this out too far but honestly, you don’t care. You love him but right now, you’re doing too well to let him crawl himself back into your life. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t creeping on his social media every now and then, you do care enough to see how he’s doing on there. 

“Hm,” 

“That’s all you have to say?” She giggles.

“Yup.”

“Did you officially dump his ass yet?”

You step out of the dressing room, rolling your eyes harder than necessary.

“Look, what happened to you was terrible. You couldn’t skate because of him. You caught him with another girl and you still let him take you home,” She was still bitter about Jungkook taking you away the way he did, she still thinks she should have insisted more.

You clear your throat, “I rather not talk about it.” 

It’s been admittedly awkward every time one of your friends bring that night up. On one hand, you understand why they bash him so hard but on the other hand, it’s hard to hear. You two leave the mall and grab lunch to eat in the comfort of your car..

During this break, you’ve decided to try and take things slow, relax. Admittedly, it would be nice to have Jungkook around again, to run errands with, to cuddle with. It’s hard not to miss him, you knew it would be. 

“We should go to the pop-up ice-skating rink on campus today, it’s a family thing I think,” Harmony squeezes ketchup onto her fries with a thoughtful him, “it sounds fun.”

“It’s funny you say that, Lucas invited me to go ther. He was going to go with his family, I told him I probably wouldn’t be able to.” You sigh.

“Oh, that’s right! The prince is back in town,” Harmony always had a thing for Lucas, even in high school. When you two were partners years ago, she still had a crush on him, “then we definitely should go. Are you getting back into pairs with him?

“Yeah, we’ll do one season together next year.” You have to admit, you are excited to get back into the practice with one of your best friends. 

“I’ll definitely have to brush up on my ballet lessons and I was always a bit too shaky during lifts. Our instructions used to say if I don’t look comfortable during lifts on the stable ground, I can’t expect to look good while I’m being lifted and Lucas is still skating. I trust Lucas a lot more now so I think it’ll go well,”

“Jungkook will love that.”

You take a bite of your chicken sandwich with a heavy sigh, “He’ll live...”

“Uncle,” Yona sits with her little brother in the back seat while they wait for Jungkook to finish pumping the gas, “why does your friend look so grumpy? Doesn’t he want to go skating with us?”

Jimin glances back at Yona and smiles, thinking of how he should explain Jungkook’s situation. “He’s just upset, he’s fine.”

“What is he upset about?” Jimin hesitates for a moment but Jungkook signals that he’s running inside for something.

“Well,” He turns to face her, “can you keep a secret?” She eagerly nods. “Kookie is a little sad because he misses his girlfriend.”

“Oh, what happened to her?” Yona frowns, fearing what Jimin might say.

“Nothing happened to her, he’s okay, they just haven’t seen each other in a long time,” He rakes his brain, trying not to say too much about Jungkook’s love life, “but it’s okay, he’s alright. Just try to understand, he’s not trying to be a grump, he’s just a big teddy bear who pretends to be tough when he’s sad,” He grins, “but don’t tell him I said that.”

“Oh,” She nods adorably, pitying Jungkook, “I won’t,”

in the nick of time, Jungkook comes back with a receipt and mumbles something about the poor management in the convenience store. Jimin notices how Yona looks at him with sympathetic eyes but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too wrapped up in his phone to see that a 9-year-old is pitying his dysfunctional love-life.

It doesn’t take long before the four of them arrive at the skating rink and Jimin is helping, Juda, Yona’s sleepy 5-year-old brother out of the car. Yona takes the liberty of escorting her self out and walking over to Jungkook.

“Hi,” She looks up at him, not even a little intimidated by his towering stature over herself.

Jungkook looks around, as if she’s talking to someone else. “Hi,” He gives her a small wave, “it’s Yona, right?”

“Yes,” She nods, walking by his side, “uncle said your girlfriend skates, do you skate too?” 

Jungkook mentally cringes, bracing himself for whatever Jimin told this little girl about his personal life. “No, I’m a boxer, she’s the skater.”

“Ahh, ice skating is prettier than boxing, you should ice skate too,” She looks back at Jimin and Juda walking side by side, wondering if she should walk with them or stay with Jungkook. Just when she was about to further judge Jungkook’s life choices, Jimin and Juda catch up. Jimin leads the four of them to the skate rental booth where Jungkook avoids eye contact with the girls behind the counter. It’s hard enough to be in your environment, let alone be surrounded by couples and families skating to their hearts content. It’s not the same without you, it doesn’t feel like he should even be trying to enjoy himself after what he did to you.

Jimin and the kids get their skates on, but Jungkook tells them to go ahead without him. The more he sits here, the less he wants to be here.

*

“We decided to come and skate for a little bit, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take your invitation, I didn’t think I’d be able to come.” You and Harmony skate out onto the ice.

Lucas stands at the edge of the rink, smiling. “It’s okay, I’m here with my family so don’t sweat it, hey! You wanna practice a routine, for old time sake?”

“There are way too many people to be practicing a routine. Besides, I’m already sore from practice yesterday.”

“Where’s your boyfriend? I thought you told me he skates with you sometimes,” He skates a circle around you, a toothy grin on his face, “I want to meet him.”

“He was busy,” You lie. You don’t know where Jungkook is or what he’s doing, “It’s just us.″

Somehow, he believes you and skates off with his family while you breathe.

“You lie,” Harmony shakes her head as if to say shame on you.

“What was I supposed to say? I’m not gonna burden him with my personal problems.”

You two go back and forth until she surrenders, claiming she’ll leave you a Jungkook’s relationship out of her mouth for the rest of the day. You highly doubt she can but you appreciate the effort. 

Nononononono—why is he here? And blonde. Your eyes widen, your palms get sweaty, just seeing him affects you. You’ve missed him. Judging by the way he’s sitting on the bench with his skates beside him, he looks sad. Who is he here with? 

”Y/n, Harmony, hey!” Jimin skates over to you with two little kids by his side, they’re so cute. “What’re you two doing here?”

”Jimin? Hi, fancy meeting you here, we decided to come last minute,” You’ve connect the dots now, “who are these two cuties?”

“I’m babysitting my niece and nephew,” He holds both of your hands and the both of them say a shy little greeting, “say hello guys,”

“Hi,” Yona waves at you two and you greet her with a bright smile.

Jimin glances back at Jungkook who has yet to notice you. “Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute?” You nod.

“Harmony can you please watch them for a second?”  “Me? Um, I guess but-”

You skate to the edge of the rink and Jimin follows, you already anticipating what this conversation is about.

“Jungkook is here.”

“I know, I saw him,” You deadpan.

“Look, I know what happened between you guys and he probably doesn’t want me to say this, but he’s been the biggest bitch since you two split, I’ve never seen him so at odds with himself.”

“What am I supposed to do about that? That’s not my fault.” You frown.

“I’m not saying that you need to do anything,” Now he understands what Jungkook meant about your infamous tone. “I just wanted to let you know, I figured you haven’t talked.”

“I’m sorry,” You hold your face in your hands, “I’m not trying to be mean, I just have a lot on my mind and I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with him today.”

“Maybe you two can talk, I’m not saying you should get back together but maybe talking face to face will help you find common ground?”

That’s advice that you know you should take but the thought of talking to him makes your stomach uneasy. It’s easier to ignore him, erase him from your life while you figure out what you want. You’re very childish in the aspect of talking things out, he is too.

“Here he comes,” Jimin looks over at Jungkook who is slowly approaching you two, “I’ll give you two some space-”

“Jimin, I swear, if you did this on purpose!-” Your threat is cut short when he skates away and Jungkook skates up to you. As if you don’t even see him, you quickly skate away, uninterested in anything he might have to say.

Jungkook knows he can’t possibly out-skate you. He mumbles a few curses before skating over to Jimin and the kids as frustrated as ever. For a moment, he almost changed course because Harmony, his biggest hater, is with them and she is one of the last people he wants to see.

“Jungkook, hey,” Jimin sighs, dreading the angry frown in Jungkook’s brows, “I’m glad you decided to-”

“Did you know she was here?” Jungkook cuts straight to the punch, not paying any mind to Harmony whose staring at him as if he’s a mass murderer.

“No,” Jimin shrugs, voice low in order not to alarm the kids who are skating near by, “you know I would have told you.”

“I’ll be in the car.” He skates off, anxious to get off the ice but he’s stopped when another skater bumps into his shoulder.

“Sorry!-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook shrugs, but just when Jungkook was about to leave the guy gives him a weird look. 

“Wait, what’s your name? You look so familiar,”

“Jungkook,” He responds with a bit of impatience, “I don’t think I know you from anywhere, sorry-”

“You’re Y/n’s boyfriend! She showed me some of her pictures pictures,” Lucas smiles but Jungkook’s eyes darken, “I’m Lucas, we’re competing in pairs again next season, I’m sure she’s told you.”

“Oh, I didn’t know, probably slipped her mind,” You haven’t mentioned it on purpose. Then again, how could you? You haven’t talked in weeks.

Just when he thought this day couldn’t get any worse, he meets your partner, and he’s not ugly,

“She said you couldn’t come because you were busy, did you come to surprise her?”

“Something like that- I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

“Okay, well...nice to meet you,” Lucas waves him off but Jungkook doesn’t pay him any mind. 

He thought this might go differently, why did he think that? As soon as he saw you, that tug in his heart came back, that desire to be around you came back. When you walked away, it made him feel like crap, you didn’t even want to look at him.

While he’s skating off to the side to leave the rink, he sees you taking off your personal skates and putting them in their bag. Of course, your caddie is right next to where his heavy black boots are. He enters the room opens the caddie with the little pass-code they gave him when he rented the skates. You spare him a glance as you tie your sneakers and he sits to get his shoes on.

“Did you have to ignore me like that?” He decides to speak up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You frown, “I don’t even know why you’re here.”

“Since when did you start caring where I go?” He bites back. “You’ve been ghosting me for fucking weeks and suddenly I’m not allowed to go out?”

“I didn’t want to see you...I was doing so good, I was forgetting about you.” You lean back, not giving him eye contact.

”Wow, just what I wanted to hear,” He thought you would say something like that but he didn’t expect you to be so blunt. 

“You can’t say you’re surprised, can you?”

“No, but the least you can do is talk to me.”

”Fine, that’s fair. What do you have to say?” You stand to your feet, your bag tight in your hand/

”Believe it or not,” He gets up to lean on the wall behind him, “I love you, so I'm letting you drag me along and make all of the rules but I’m just asking that you communicate with me, I need to know what you want,” He tends to ask this question when he’s most desperate for your good side to emerge.

“Why don’t you tell me what you want? I’m not the one going around making decisions that hurt our relationship, not recently anyway.” You throw a jab at him, you couldn’t contain it anymore.

“If you’re trying to make me feel like shit, you’ve succeeded. You’ve been succeeding for weeks now, it’s actually starting to get to me, mentally.” As he says that, an unsuspecting few individuals come in to get there things.

“Can-” You pause and walk over to him to eliminate the awkward distance, “Can we talk about this somewhere else?”

His spirits brighten a little because at least you’re interested in continuing the conversation, you haven’t even attempted to do that until now. So when he stutters out an “okay”, his feet move as soon as yours do. He’s walking right next to you and you find yourself keeping your arms crossed, away from his hands that you would normally be holding. By the time you walk out to the rink, Jimin is still with the kids and Harmony is gone, probably in the restroom. You find a secluded area near the concession area and take a seat, he does the same right across from you. 

“Do you want to break up?” 

He puts it out there. He’s never been the one to hesitate, especially when his heart is on the line.

“What do you mean?” You swallow, not expecting to be confronted with that question.

He almost scoffs because you’re having a similar reaction to his reaction to you telling him you wanted to take a break.

“Do you not want to be in a relationship anymore? If this isn’t something you’re willing to do anymore, I need you to tell me so I can grieve in peace...I feel really lost right now.”

“Grieve? I’m not going to die if we break up, Jungkook, and I never said I wanted to break up—I never said I didn’t love you either. That’s not what this is about, it’s not about whether we love each anymore, it’s about trust.” 

“How can I gain your trust?”

You look around, making sure no one is listening in on you two before mumbling out your answer. “I don’t know...I just don’t trust you, I can’t tell you how to make it up to me because people who screw me over, I normally stay as far away from them as I can.”

All you can think about is the lies from your birth-mother, the betrayal and humiliation that came over you when you found out about your ex. Situations like that always come to mind when the subject of trust is mentioned. You’ve been hurt and Jungkook knows that, he knows when you feel like you can’t trust someone, you shut down. You want nothing to do with that person, your pain blinds you—its your character flaw.

“You’re lucky I’m even talking to you right now,” You mumble, nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Yeah, I know.” He scoffs, a look of disbelief that turns into an understandable shrug of his shoulders. 

“I’ve always thought of you as someone I didn’t deserve, you know that,” He glances down at his twiddling fingers, “when we got together, you changed me and I’m so grateful for that...I was such a shitty person before I met you- I mean, I’m sure you think I’m shitty now but I was way worse.” It surprises you when you see tears welling at his eyes that he quickly wipes away, tattooed fingers getting a bit wet.

“Jungkook,” You lay a hand over his with sympathetic eyes, “I still love you.”

“Seriously?” He glances up at you, surprised. 

“Yes...You hurt me, you made me feel stupid and I’m not over it...But I never forget those times where I made life difficult for you, you never made me feel irredeemable. No matter how awful I acted, you never made me feel like a burden. That’s more than I can say about a lot of people in my life.”

The more you talk this out with him, the more you realize how harshly you’ve been treating him. It doesn’t change how you feel about your relationship, but it does open your eyes to the standard you’ve been holding him to. You don’t know if you’re ready to start again.

“Well, I have to be honest with you,” He looks at you through his dirty blonde locks, “it still hurts like hell to have you treat me like a stranger. That shit is painful, even for me.”

“I’m sorry,” You murmur out an apology before you can really think about it, “I’m just upset at you is all...” Slowly, you take your hand off of his and your eyes wander back to his dear-like eyes. 

“Everyone’s telling me I should let you go but I don’t want to. I just need to know that you’re willing to wait for me, and to work on yourself...”

“I’ll do anything, I’ll do whatever it takes for us,”

Shortly after that day, you found yourself thinking more and more about your future. It made you cringe at one point, what were you planning to do with the rest of your life? Whatever you planned to do, you always imagined Jungkook would be by your side. Now, you’re coming to terms with the fact that things may not go as planned.

“Y/n, are you ready?” Lucas calls your name from outside of the dressing room.

”What are you doing in here? This is the woman’s locker room,” You open the door, now fully dressed in your new leotard.

”We’re the only ones here,” Lucas stands with a matching outfit, far less sparkly as yours.

”Why does she always pick these leotards for me? You always get the toned down looks-” You walk over to the mirror, furrowing your brows, “Oh, actually, this one is kinda nice.”

“She knows you’re the most dramatic out of the two of us, maybe that’s why,” He shrugs his shoulders before quickly running back out into the ballet studio. Your least favorite part of your career is the ballet lessons, it’s the most grueling.

“Come on out, Y/n, we only have the studio for the morning so we need to use our time wisely.”

“Sorry,” You walk out with an urgency, “the costume fits okay, a little snug but it’s doable.”

Coach gives you a knowing look, she’s been floating the idea of a diet around. As committed as you are to your craft, dieting is one thing you don’t think you need to do well. You try to stay fit but sometimes you’re more concerned about your dwindling love life than you dress size. The ballet instructor emerges from around the corner and you cringe, the next few hours are about to be painful. 

Yet, as the class progresses, your thoughts drift farther from the positions and you find yourself zoning out completely.

*

*

At one point in time, you couldn’t imagine being without Jungkook. Out of all of the people who’ve come and gone out of your life, he stayed. He became your best friend and your first love.

“I don’t want to be here anymore, please, just let me go home,” You sat on the hotel room floor, hair pin in your hands and a painfully cold ice bag on your ankle, “...I can’t go back out there.”

She stands with crossed arms, her unchanging expression not doing anything for your emotional state.”Y/n, you are a professional, and do you know what professionals do?”

”No.”

“They finish the competition, no matter what. You need to stay for the judging, “

“Why? I fell on my biggest jump on live television. Cindy. I look like an amateur...There’s no way in hell they’ll even consider placing me. That means I’m done for, I might as well kiss nationals goodbye.”

”That was the last program, you still have a chance-“

”Not after Charlotte’s routine! You said it yourself, I had to be flawless or Charlotte would take my spot in the qualifying team, there was no room for error. This is the one time it had to be perfect...” You use the bed to help you up and you sit down n the edge of it.

”It won’t be perfect every time. You work harder than any girl I know, and not just in this sport, you work hard at whatever you do and you support yourself, you’re the only girl I know who’s parents aren’t paying for you to be here. You deserve to be here, you made one mistake, one. It’s not the end of the world, sweetheart,” Cindy takes a seat beside you, a comforting hand going to your shoulder, “these things happen.”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm down and think rationally. Cindy is trying her best to talk you off of the ledge but you’re very much still there. She says you work so hard, but what do you have to show for it? You’re doing this alone a majority of the time. Your family only comes to support you sometimes, they don’t have a lot of free time to spend on your hobby. Your iceskating is a glorified hobby to them, they won’t say it but it’s true. After they told you to pick a major and find a good paying 9-5, they stopped paying for your iceskating. They’re paying for school but that’s it, you’re supporting yourself in every other aspect. That gave you all the reason to try to prove to them that you were an exceptional athlete. To prove to them that you did it all on your own, that’s your only goal. Yet, the more you reach for that, the farther you get from it.

”Listen, I need to check on the other girls, alright? I hope you reconsider.” She pecks your forehead, a motherly affection that you’ve come to appreciate from her. She is like a mom in some ways. She cares for the entire team, and she would never say it, but she has a particular soft spot for you. She can see how much you want this, how the ice can take you to a different place.

You were meant to do this, she always tells you that. She saw the fire in you as soon as she accepted you on her team. Your passion attracted her to you, you never stopped, you had so much drive. Some people are meant to fight tooth and nail for what they want, sometimes you have to ask yourself, why do I have be one of those people?

Ignoring your better judgment, you packed your bags and took the 2-hour drive back to your apartment. All while you were fleeing the city to seek refuge at home, you received multiple phone calls from Jungkook but you couldn’t bring yourself to call him back. When you got home, you took off your tracksuit and sank face first into your coach. 

As much as you wanted Jungkook to come to the competition, you insisted that he stay and take that job. He hasn’t been boxing as much so any extra art job he can take, you encourage him to take it. He told you he’d streamed the competition while working on the mural at a nearby bar. His heart sank when you took that fall.  You put hours of practice into that routine and perfected it, he had seen you do it flawlessly several times. 

All he wanted to do was hug you and tell you that you did well but all he could do was hope that you weren’t beating yourself up. He could only imagine how devastated you were and to not be able to be there for you, he couldn’t stand it. He finished up the mural and you had finally texted him saying, ‘I came home early.’ He went straight to your apartment with the big pink bunny he bought for you, you need it even more now.

”Hey, it’s me,” He opened the front door and announced himself softly and walks further inside. 

The television barely illuminates the living room but he sees you laying on the couch. He sits the bunny down behind the couch so you can’t see them before walking around to greet you in your depressing state.

“I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow, baby,” He rests a hand on thigh and kisses your cheek, “you must’ve known how much I was missing you,” His attempt to make you smile goes painfully unnoticed. 

He bites at his bottom lip in thought. “Did something happen?...”

You swallow the lump in your throat and finally look him in the eyes, “Did you watch my second program?” 

“I did, you looked beautiful-”

“I’m quitting.”

He turns his whole body to you, brows deeply furrowed like a cartoon character. “What?”

You cover your face with a pillow, successfully hiding your tears, “I’m calling Cindy to tell her I don’t want to do it anymore, I quit.”

“Woah, wait, why?” He takes the pillow from you to see your face, “Y/n, calm down, what’s going on? Tell me what happened.”

“I- I didn’t make the national team, that was my only chance until next year. All my hard work went down the drain and everyone saw me screw up..” You wipe your tears with your sleeve.

“Hey, it’s okay, you cry if you need to,” He pulls you into a hug, cradling your head to his chest, “I know this is tough for you but it’s not the end of the world, it’ll get better.”

You pull away from him as if he were suddenly hot to the touch and bury your face into the arm of the couch. “You wouldn’t understand, the pique of my career was riding on this, and I blew it. It feels like the end of my world, okay?” 

You know your words are muffled by the couch, that’s probably for the better anyway. “T- that’s just how I feel...” 

He doesn’t pry any further after that. He knows there’s not much he can say to change your mind right now. Instead, he scoots closer to your side and places a comforting hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles as he waits for you to continue.

“I have nothing if I lose this, there’s all this pressure on my shoulders and its tearing me apart...” You turn to wipe your face and sit up. “I love skating, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do...if I stop, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

You’ll never forget that night. 

He lifted you into his lap and kept his arms tight around you. “You’re so much more than just your skating. You’re so good at but it’s not all that you are.” Jungkook has a way of talking you off of the edge but that night, you were especially down on yourself.

“Yes it is...” 

“No it’s not,” He sighs, “look, I know what it feels like to find your identity in something and then all of a sudden, that something is gone...When my portfolio got rejected, I felt like a failure. My family never got behind the boxing thing, so I’ve always tried to find another way to support myself just in case for whatever reason it doesn’t work out...I didn’t start realizing that until recently. I’m constantly torn between giving up one dream for the other but I want to do both, you actually inspire me to do both.” You furrow your brows, briefly abandoning your own issues to listen to him. 

“You work so hard and you’re showing your family that you can do this, you just have to believe in yourself, and you know what? You’re doing amazing. Tonight was just a bad night, it happens.” He squeezes you tight and you do the same, arms fastened around his neck as if it would kill you to let go.

You didn’t need to say anything after that. You settled your mind and you were no longer at the edge, you were still close, but not there. With your head resting over his shoulder, you try to peek over the couch to see what he dropped back there when he walked in.

“Hey, what’d you think you’re doing?” Jungkook leans forward and your grip around him is loosened so you can no longer look back there. “You think I got something for you?”

You look down a bit embarrassed that he caught you, “Well, yeah...you did,  didn’t you?” You smile for the first time tonight and he breathes a sigh of relief. Finally.

He was going to tease you for wanting your gifts even though you just had a meltdown. But how could he? He wants to keep this smile on your face for as long as possible.

“Sit,” He lifts you off his lip and back to your previous seat on the couch, “no peeking.”

You hold your hands over your eyes, excited even thought have no idea what it might be.

“Okay, open.”

When you move your hands to see you squeal in excitement. “Oh, Jungkook! It’s so cute!” You stand up to take the pink bunny that’s almost more than half your size. “Thank you,” You lean into him with the bunny between you two, “it’s so big and soft, like you.”

“Yeah I know,” He sways from side-to-side with you in his arms, “you feeling better?”

You muffle your sigh into the stuffed animal, “I still wanna quit.”

“Oh stop,” He pulls the from your grip and tosses it onto the couch, “you’re just being bratty now,”

“No I’m not,” You whine, the issue still very fresh, “I’m still sad...I just really like my gift and I’m happy to see you...But I am still upset.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” He lays on the couch and beckons you into his arms to lay on his chest, “let’s cuddle you until you feel better then, will that help?” 

“Maybe...”  

You’d be lying if you said you could live without that side of him.

*

A few days later, you’re surprised you hadn’t heard from him. But when you get back from the gym with a missed call from him and a solemn text to  ‘call back when you can’, you actually call him back.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothings wrong. Thank you for calling me back.” 

His voice sounds relaxed but a bit anxious.

“Did you need something?” You sigh, pouring your boiling water in your mug.

“Are you free to go with me somewhere at 11? And then maybe, we could grab dinner? Just-...Don’t be mad, please.”

Anxiety bubbles in your chest.

“What’re you talking about?”

“I signed us up for couples therapy.”

“You did what?” Somewhere in your mind, you had wanted him to bring this up—you never imagined that he actually would.

”You said we don’t know how to work on ourselves together, I read that therapy helps with that. Will you go with me? If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again I swear.”

“Jungkook...I appreciate the effort, I really do, but how did you find this therapist? Do you trust them?”

”Of course. He has great reviews online and my-...Well, my mom found him actually.”

You pause, a bit taken aback. He talked to his mom about your relationship and he took her advice about seeing a therapist? He must have really taken your words to heart about getting help.

“Can you pick me up?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in 20.”

When he picked you up, you were reminded just how well he could clean up. Sure, he always dresses so well and smells amazing, but he’s different today—you can tell he put in a lot of effort. You’re glad you decided to do your makeup and where a nice sundress, you would have felt terribly under-dressed.

“Hi, how can I help you?

“Hi, we have an appointment for Jeon at 5, with Seojoon.”

You stand next to Jungkook at the front desk, your hands tightly clutching your purse. It’s hard to not think the woman is judging you and Jungkook for being here. She’s probably seen hundreds of people come into this office but something in you can’t shake the feeling. She directs you two to the waiting room and says he’ll come get you two in a few minutes.

“So,” You begin, glancing at Jungkook, “I’m nervous...” 

“Me too.” This is new for the both of you. In only a few seconds, who you assume to be Seojoon emerges from the hallway and you look at him a bit wide-eyed. 

“Hi, Jungkook, Y/n, are you two ready?” 

“Oh, um, yes.” You stand up in sync with Jungkook, already wanting to run out of here but you resist.

You have to admit that the office is really nice, not stiff and sterile looking, the energy is very calming. Seojoon opens the door to a cozy-looking room with tons of natural sun light. There’s warm-rose colored couch that you assume is for ‘the couple.’

“Alright, you can take a seat right there, make yourselves comfortable.” He smiles, taking a seat and you two do the same.

“So let’s get right into it. What brought you two here today? If you could both tell me your separate answers, that would be great.” Despite Seojoon looking at you directly to presumably go first, you divert your eyes and look at Jungkook to say something first.

“Well, we’re- I think we’re going through a lot right now and I just want to save our relationship.” Jungkook sits back, resting against the arm of the couch as he gazes at you to give your answer.

“What about you, Y/n?”

You glance down at your lap, feeling very out of your comfort zone and not confident enough to verbalize what you would like to say. Alas, you try.

“I feel the same way, we’re not in a good place and I’m confused about what to do-...I just want what we used to have.” You confess a bit of your true feelings but ignore the longing look Jungkook gives you.

“When did you start feeling like the relationship was changing?”

“Fairly recently. We were fine, at least I thought we were until I saw him with another girl back in an old lifestyle that I thought he gave up...”

Seojoon diverts his attention away from you and to Jungkook. “Jungkook, do you want to share a little bit about that?”

“Not really,” He answers honestly at least.

“Why not?”

“To be honest, I don’t know why she keeps throwing the same jab at me. I’ve told her the truth but she doesn’t want to hear it. I went out that night,” He almost glares at you, “I didn’t plan to. I ran into an old friend and I just-...I thought it was harmless and I got caught up...” 

Seojoon scribbles something down. “Okay, so can you fill me in a little bit. Are we talking about unfaithfulness? Addiction?”

“Unfaithfulness,” You interject. “he said he didn’t cheat on me but...” You mumble, your confidence faltering for some reason. “It’s hard to believe that.”

“But you think he did so you have some distrust. Were you unfaithful, Jungkook?”

“It doesn’t matter if I say I did or I didn’t, she thinks I did.” He shrugs.

”Y/n,” Seojoon puts an end to the death stare you had on Jungkook, “can you tell Jungkook what cheating looks like to you?”

”Not sleeping with her doesn’t mean you didn’t cheat on me. Letting her put her hands on you- And I don’t care if it was just a kiss! You shouldn’t have been in that situation, and for me to have to see it on social media? I could have killed you I was so mad. You should ask Jungkook what cheating is to him. We obviously have different standards for defining it...”

”What does cheating look like to you, Jungkook?” He heeds your suggestion without any push-back.

”To me,” He hesitates, feeling a bit scrutinized, “it’s when a person violates the intimacy of the relationship by giving it to someone else.”

“What kind of intimacy?”

“Emotional, physical, every kind,” He turns to you, “I wouldn’t do thingst that I do with Y/n with anyone else, not by choice-”

“Yes you would! You did...Are you trying to tell me that you were assaulted? That she forced her way on you?”

“I was blitzed! I don’t fucking know. All I do know is that she got on top of me and I pushed her off. That’s it. I swear, if anything else happened, I don’t remember it.”

“I don’t care. You know what I’ve been through, to even allow another girl to even get close to touching you like that...It was a slap in the face.”

Seojoon’s ears perk up at the mention of your past. “Did you have to go through a similar situation in a previous relationship?” 

“Yes and he knows this. I was being cheated on before and the guy had a literal baby on the way throughout our entire relationship...It was traumatizing.” It stings his ears to hear you say that. But it’s true, he knows your past and he didn’t let it stop him. 

“What happened must have triggered you,” You nod to yourself, “but you’re here to try to work through forgiveness and build trust. If you two are comfortable with it, I’d like you do do two exercises; one here and one when you’re alone. The first one that you’ll do here, I need you to face each other, preferably close, and I have some questions for you two to ask each other.”

“Like this?” Jungkook answers instantly and turns to you, getting closer to you than he has in weeks. You face him slowly, eyes wavering a bit. His face has always been a soft-spot for you, staring at him makes you feel weak.

“Actually,” Seojoon stands up, gesturing for you to do the same, “two chairs might be more comfortable, yeah? Let’s go to my other room.”

You follow Seojoon to a small room with three chairs a small table in front of them. Jungkooks pulls seat out so they’re facing each other. When you look up to acknowledge him with deliberate eye-contact, for a moment he thinks you might be softening. 

“I want you all to start with ‘I’ statements, tell your partner how you feel or how you felt in this case. Try to maintain eye-contact and truly listen to each other.”

“I’ll go first,” You volunteer because you want to get this over with.

“I feel alone and helpless when you go back to your old habits, I feel like you’re hiding things from me...” You find a way to keep your eyes-locked to his. 

“I’m not asking you to be perfect but I just want you to make me feel special to you...Like you wouldn’t dream of being with someone else. Because I don’t think of loving anyone else, and trust me I’ve tried to imagine it but I can’t,” You bite your cheek to keep from crying, “you make it so hard to trust you. You don’t listen and you don’t change until it’s too late.” 

Being emotionally inept is something you are both too good at. It’s difficult for you to share your true feelings with a clear mind, but when you do, you can never guess what will happen next. 

“I feel trapped by you. I know I fucked everything up, okay? You don’t have to keep reminding me.” His tone is harsher than you anticipated. 

“I’m trying to put in the fucking effort to help us, and I’m giving you time. But when you tell me you still want me but you won’t even let me come around, it’s confusing. You’re confusing, that’s just how I feel.” His brows furrow and you notice Seojoon watches the exchange intently.

“But I miss you and I want you back, I don’t want to take a break,” He leans forward with his hands firmly gripping your knees over your dress, “I know you think I’m an asshole but I try to change, I’m trying, you know I wouldn't bring you to this if I could think of any other way to prove that to you.” The strain in his voice only stirs more emotions inside of you. 

“Jungkook,” Seojoon calls his name softly and Jungkook looks over as if he forgot he was there, “try not to engage in any physical, okay? It can be overwhelming.”

“Sorry,” He takes his hands from you and sits back, “that’s all I want to say.” 

“Alright, well, um,” Seojoon clears his throat, eager to break the tension up a little bit, “unfortunately our session is up but I want to give you two a list of exercises and talking points. I know this was a consultation appointment but I want to give you some things to work on at home. I’ll have Kelly type up your homework, alright?”

“Okay, thank you,” you both thank the therapist but you get up with an urgency and leave the room before Jungkook can follow you. When you make it out to the waiting room, you spot the bathroom and you bolt to it. Before you have to spend a car ride with him, you need to get your emotions together. 

“Mr. Jeon,” The receptionist calls him from the hall, “this is for you, you can bring it back to the next appointment for a discount.” Jungkook halfheartedly thanks her before going to the car. He doesn’t even know if there will be another session. He needs to smoke before you come out and you’ll freak if he smokes while you’re in the car. 

“Why did I come here...” You look at the mirror and frown, you look so rough. It was nice to get everything out in the open but you knew he’d get intense eventually. Only when the toilet flushed did you remember that there were multiple stalls in here. When you look away from the mirror to fumble through your purse, just trying to avoid talking to her. 

”Hi, how are you?”

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“Oh god, nervous, I’m nervous. Me and my husband, we’re newly weds, our appointment is in five minutes and I really don’t know what to expect. Did you have an appointment with your partner?”

“I did,” You sigh, “it was-...It was fine, don’t be nervous.” In your attempt to comfort her, you find your self in a highly hypocritical position. “Me and my boyfriend, we’re different so ours was a little- A little chaotic but I think it helped a little,” You hesitate, “I don’t know.”

“That makes me feel a little better, hopefully my husband behaves himself,” She tosses her wavy brown hair over her shoulder and smiles, “well, it was nice meeting you.”

It takes you a moment but you gather the strength to wave goodbye and go face your boyfriend.

”Excuse me, Miss, I think your husband forgot to grab this.” The receptionist waves you over and hands you a little folder.

”Oh,” You try to hide the blush forming on your cheeks.  he’s not my- We’re not married.” 

”Oh, I’m sorry! He only put his last name on the appointment so I thought it was your name as well. Sorry about that, have a great rest of your day.” She bids you farewell with a flustered smile.

When you walk outside, you see Jungkook leaning against the car. You thought he might’ve been smoking but you can’t detect any small. That’s a relief.

”You feeling okay?” He questions gently. 

You nod, hopping in the car with the desire to be home already. He gets in the car and glances at you from the corner of his eye, he worries that this might have been too much for you. 

“Where do you want to eat?” 

“There’s a ramen place down the street, that’s fine with me.” You suggest, eyes trained on your phone.

The air in the car isn’t tense or stiff, its just quiet. There’s a lot to unpack from the session and you figured Jungkook was thinking through it too. That’s why when you two arrived at the ramen shop, took your seats, and placed your orders, the silence was getting to be a bit too awkward for you.

“I like the new hair, you’ve never gone this blonde before,” You glance up at him, trying to start a conversation, “it looks good.”

“Thanks, it was an impulsive thing. I heard you decided to get back into pairs,” He brings the coke to his lips, “I was surprised to hear that.”

“Oh, yeah,” You figured he would find out soon, “I’m back with Lucas for the season.”

“Good for you,” That’s not a reaction you were expecting from anti-pairs-skating Jungkook. Then again, you know him well enough to know that he’s probably keeping his true opinion to himself.

“The receptionist gave this to me,” You pull the paper out of your purse and show it to him, “I think it has additional information.”

“Let me see,” You hand it to him, “hm, soul-gazing? What the hell is that...” He reads over the description and it makes him giggle. “Nonverbal communication between lovers, allows couples to explore intimate places in the relationship. We do this already, but it’s a little more than eye contact,” He recalls those dreamy moments that he used to share with you so often, gazing at you with a smile.

“We can try that later maybe,” You avoid his smile with a glance out the window.

“Okay. So, about the session today, I hope you understood where I was coming from...I didn’t expect to say all that, I’m sorry if it was too much.”

“Don’t apologize, I wanted to hear how you felt.”

“I’m sorry,” He extends a hand out on the table, hoping you’ll take it, “I’ve thought about what I’ve done and I’ve tried to repent for it. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you. But just tell this once, you miss us, don’t you?”

“I do, Jungkook...It’s just, I’m in a tough spot and I don’t- I don’t want to disappoint anyone or myself.”

“You’re talking about your friends or your family?” He frowns at the thought of either party trying to discourage you.

“My family doesn’t know anything about this, it’s my friends who are concerned for me. They saw me get hurt and they don’t want to see it happen again, they want me to be happy.”

“Don’t listen to them, all they do is talk shit about me and try to tell you what you need. The only people who have a say in this relationship is you and me. We choose what makes us happy, not them.”

“But I’m not happy,” And it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still being judged, “I’ve actually been depressed when I think about us, when I think about what we used to have and what we have now, how did this happen?”

“I’m sorry I did this to you,” He sighs when you finally reach out to take his hand, “I never mean to hurt you,”

“I want you back so bad sometimes,” You break, letting your true feelings out to him, “but just because I want it doesn’t mean I should, it’s always been hard for me to separate the two.”

“That never stopped you before,” He flashes that smile, the one you fell so hard for on the roof of his car. 

“Now look where I’m at,” You take your hand back, “going to therapy with you.”

*

*

Jungkook took you home and sunset had passed, it was already dark. You found yourself inviting him in, hugging him longer than you should have when he was on his way out. Why were you holding on to him so tight? His bomber jacket lands on the floor and you relish in his arms, you haven’t felt like this in a long time. Maybe it won’t hurt to let him in, indulge. It doesn’t take long before you let him kiss you for the first time in weeks. It feels new, it can happen a thousand times and it’ll always feel new. 

But then your phone begins to ring and reality washes over you like a cold shower.

“Wait,” You pull away from the kiss and slide off of the counter to his dismay, “I need to get that-”

“Ignore it,” Jungkook cups your jaw, trying to persuade you with longing eyes, “please ignore it-”

“I can’t, it’s my mom, something might be wrong,” You quickly answer the phone and walk into the living room. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home, is something wrong?”

“You forgot, didn’t you? Your brother Leo, you were supposed to pick him up so he could stay with you for the night. me and your dad had to take Milo to his Taekwondo tournament for the weekend.” Your mother stresses over the phone.

“I’m so sorry! Mom, seriously, I totally forgot,” This is the worst possible timing, “doesn’t Leo have his license, he can drive here, can’t he?”

“We have the car. Don’t worry about it, it’s handled now, his friend came by and he’s staying with him.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how that crossed my mind,” You can’t help but feel as if you’ve disappointed her by forgetting such a simple thing, “I’ve been busy, I’m prepping for the next season, I’m working and in school, it’s a lot right now-”

The conversation  ends with a cold lecture from her and a solemn goodbye when she hangs up. You massage your temples, and look at Jungkook who’s coping with the best part of his day being ruined by a phone call.

“Everything okay?”

“I forgot to pick up my brother, my mom asked if he could crash here but I forgot all about it..”

“When have any of your siblings actually visited you? Except for your sister when she needs a babysitter.” Jungkook always sports a defensive tone when your family comes into the conversation.

“He’s only come over a few times. But he has friends who live over here so that’s normally why,” You take a deep breath. “She sounded frustrated so I know she’s upset.”

”Don’t stress about that,” He comes in close, wrapping his arms around your waist. “your mom shouldn’t beat you up about that, especially since she knows how much you have on your plate.” He smooths down your hair and kisses your forehead gently. That innocent forehead kiss quickly migrated down to your neck and you bite your tongue.

”Jungkook, please,” You get out of his embrace and leave him longing.

"Why do you keep pushing me away? I know you, this isn’t like you. You push me away but never for this long,” He follows you to your bedroom where you kick off your shoes and take off you cardigan. ”If you’re serious about making this work again, you’ve gotta help me out a little here.” 

You feel him looming behind you, so close that you feel the warmth of him on your lower-back, or is that his hand?

“You’re here, aren’t you? I’m being really nice right now,” You step away from him, “but you need to stop.”

“Stop what?” He feigns ignorance.

“If that’s what you were hoping for you should just go,” You pick up his jacket and hand it to him, “it’s not happening.”

“Ok, but do you mind if I stay the night?” 

You stare at him in disbelief for a moment, debating whether or not that’s a good idea.

“Why? It’s not even that late yet.”

“I don’t want to make the drive home, I’ll leave first thing in the morning.” He pleads, those big round eyes helping his case immensely.

“Fine. But you’re on the couch,” He looks a bit disappointed but he was expecting that, “I’m gonna shower, you can wait for me or use the guest bathroom if you want.”

With that, you walk off into your bedroom to get your clothes and then into the bathroom in the hall. Though you hesitated to let him stay, it’s really not a big deal now that you think of it. He’s stayed over more times than you can count so you feel no need to punish him by saying no.

Baby steps. 

Jungkook falls into the couch, relieved and anxious—but mostly relieved. He was sure you were going to throw him out. When he hears the shower turn on, he begins to wonder what you might be thinking about, do you want him the way he wants you right now? If so, you’re hiding it pretty well. Just being in your home makes him feel comfortable and happy, that and your presence. You’ll be a while in the shower so he figures a few moments of relaxation on the balcony won’t hurt. 

*

When you step out of the steamy bathroom, you hug your robe tightly to your body. Curious to see what he’s doing you peek out of the hall and see him on the balcony, shirt nowhere to be seen and smoke wafting from the little stick in his finger. Jungkook has always been a temptation, a forbidden fruit so to speak. You had one bite, and that’s all it took. 

It’s a warm night, that’s probably why he’s showing all of the neighbors his tattooed glory, you giggle to your self at the thought. You run to your room to slip a t-shirt and shorts on so you can join him, you can indulge him in conversation at least.

“Hey, I was going to get a snack,” You open the sliding door and he looks back at you as he exhales a a cloud, “are you hungry?”

“I’m okay,” He puts it out in the ashtray, “thanks,” 

“You didn’t have to put it out for me,” You step onto the patio and close the door behind you.

“I was done anyway,” He says that but he clearly wasn’t, he’s just being sweet, “how was your shower?”

“Good,” You sit beside him, “you can go ahead and shower if you want to, you know where your clothes are.”

“I will in a minute,” He looks out, enjoying the view of the city, “it’s beautiful out here...”

“Yeah,” You smile, reminiscing on the many moments you two have shared together on the balcony.

“So,” Jungkook sighs, probably reminiscing on the same thing, “do you want to do that exercise?...”

“Exercise?- Oh, the eye-contact thing, we can...” You turn to him and he does the same, “so, do we-”

“Shh,” He holds a finger to his lips, “we’re not supposed to talk,” 

You swallow, eyes locked on his and his on yours. His eyes are so dreamy and mesmerizing, they always have been. This eye-contact is giving you a great excuse to analyze his face. The little mole under his lip, his cute nose and cheeks—you’re trying not to look at his body but it’s hard to do that right now. 

He’s doing the same thing to you. Your eyes, nose, lips, he’s just taking it all in as if your a sculpture at a museum. Looking at each other like this reminds you both to see each other, to really see the human you both decided to love.

“Jungkook,” You know you’re not supposed to talk, “don’t cry...” You thumb the tears away from his cheeks, your motherly habits kicking in.

“Shit,” He wipes his cheeks, “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” He’s so emotional, it’s more endearing than anything.

You cup his jaw and kiss the apple of his cheek, then his lips. His hands are almost shaky when he reaches up to hold your face, you lead his hand to your face to let him know that you don’t mind.

“I love you too,” You breath, your head in the nape of his neck, “but I can’t do this, I shouldn’t...”

Once you realize you’re no longer in your own chair but in his, it’s too late to pretend you’re not equally as desperate. It escalates and the best and worst happens. 

[washymylifeaway]

SunaOsa fanfic recs: valentines edition~~

SunaOsa is one of my all time favorite ships and this past month, there has been/was an exchange going on between writers (here is the link) and artists (separately) and because I don’t have a life (or maybe it’s just that SunaOsa is my life LOL), I’m here to tell you some of my favorite fics from the pile :D However, as much as I love a ship, sometimes fluff is too asajndajnd so mind you there will probably be a lot of good fics missing just cause I couldn’t get myself to read more fluff (or angst) LOL (IM SORRY but sometimes I also just can’t motivate myself to read a fic no matter how good it looks OOPS).

As always, please check warning and tags before reading any of these fics, and take care of yourselves!!!!

In no particular order (jk the order is last updated haha) tho my favorites will have *** next to them :)

***glass stained black by unrequitedangst (E) 31k // Mafia AU’s are some of my favorite kinds of fics, and this one did not disappoint! The character development of Osamu is really legit and despite being mafia, it’s not that heavy or angst of a fic (but you should still definitely read tags and warnings first). It’s an Osamu heavy fic, and if you’re into reading him being stupid, go right ahead LOL.

redux by catalysis (T) 2.3k // ngl I hate break-up fics with a passion truely (when you can’t handle fluff or angst what to do) but I liked the concept for this one hehe (so I made myself suffer LOL). It was short, but cute !!! and the unspoken words really hit me in the FEELS (so what I’m dramatic fight me LOL).

Impropriety by DeathBelle (T) 5.7k // royalty~ I love the banter between them in this fic and we DO stan respectful Osamu yes we do <33333 The relationships between not only SunaOsa but SunaAtsu (because even though it isn’t really SunaAtsu best friend agenda, I can delude myself into think it is okay :/) are done so well and so nice he’s mean Osamu is best Osamu.

***what are you waiting for? by Slumber (T) 3.7k // MIGHT BE MY FAV FIC FROM THIS EXCHANGE!!! It made me cackle and I love how they learn new things about each other!!!! Like the development is so good and Suna is really doing the MOST!! Also, I love recursive endings AHHHHHH!

agape by sketchedsmiles (T) 11.7k // soulmates, then they were SOULMATES! (ik that’s not how it goes but pls just humor me LOL) This fic really depicted Osamu’s insecurities/internal turmoil/overthinking really well and the realization he has vs Suna’s AHJAFKASFJ. I love confident Suna.

fireside by tartaglia (starkartifices) (T) 3.6k // we do love the subtle flirt flirt don’t we hehe ;) It’s short, it’s fluff, and it’s funny - what more could you ask for? Also whats a vigilante fic if there isn’t at least one pun about being a vigilante LOL.

Over and Over Again by tookumade (G) 6.4k // I would like to order one reassuring, reliable Miya Osamu for myself please and thank you :((( The way the relationship is so GOOD like both Suna and Osamu pick each other up and they know the other has their back ajfhkajdfl. I would purchase all the onigiri with the deal Suna was proposing ;) Onigirintarou.

from here to eternity by TheGlovedArtist (T) 6.6k // I for one am a big fan of mythology and stuff (heroes of olympus but like IDR any of the plot LOL) so of course I read this fic. The snark appearances of Sakusa and Komori gave me LIFE and the difference in descriptions from Astumu and Kita cracked me up. This is another respectful Osamu fic (yes I love these) and in this one it was a ‘I save you as much as you save me’ type beat LOL. Gotta love rings.

***Subtle Inarizaki Dating by sifuhotman (T) 15.2k // THIS ONE. Even if you don’t read the whole thing, I beg of you, please, I AM ON MY KNEES, read the SID for Astumu. It is worth the loss of all your brain calls I guarantee it. It made me giggle so freakin much. Suna might be an A-Hole but he’s OUR A-Hole <3

Forever Begins with 8 Seconds by subtlehues (T) 3.9k // FLUFF hehe, I love their dynamic in this one it’s very good and cute and everything great! Also, I am all for the head cannon that Suna cannot cook, yes pls. Also SUPERPOWERS whooooooooh.

***try again, and again, and again by rosegoldwriting (T) 2.6k // SOULMATES! If you ever wanted a specific soulmate AU! for SunaOsa look no further, it probably comes out LOL. I love this concept of them just being like ‘WTF’ everyday, it gives me life. Also, count how many soulmate AU’s you recognized because I just thought about it and I think it’d be fun LOL. (I went back and I think 11 but I’m not sure LOL)

let us burn by SilverMoonT (G) 13.5k // I am always up for a nice vampire Osamu and witch Suna (which believe it or not, is my second one because I read the other one by this writer LOL) This one is more Suna POV and it really goes into his fears and desires, and I like the way Osamu pushes him to live more freely.

***reasons to microwave an elixir by spiritscript (T) 8.2k // THIS ONE. UGH I love, and it’s funny and cute and it EVEN HAS CRIME (kinda not really but yes)! I love the quiet moments they have and the PET AHHHHHHH! We love medic Osamu :DDDDD But also the betrayal and the sparring (and the irony at the end LOL) AJSKJNFK.

we fall between by stringendos (T) 14.7k // honestly the entire time I was just screaming at my computer, begging for them to hurry up and realize, but alas this is a ~slow burn~ for a reason and the tag ‘exes who act like theyre married’ really is the reason I read it and I do not regret LOL. Also bless Matsuda and stan her.

All the Time in the World by minie_ai (M) 8.8k // we love immortality! Denial! And Suna mentally filing away blackmail against people (namely Astumu) LOL. Running away from your problems is always the answer (I am saying this is a not sarcastic manner because I too, run away from my problems LOL) but ramen is ALWAYS a good answer. We love ourselves some emotional constipation LOL.

***none but you by broikawa (T) 7.2k // everything is a competition always LOL, not that I’m complainin but still LOL EVERYTHING. I really love this one because I love the progression and cock-block SakuAtsu hehe. I love them being synchronized idiots <3

it all comes back to you, (my home) by iritaescents (T) 4.5k // FOREVER, WE STAN FOREVER. Anyway, LOL this was is very very cute and fluff and not slow burn, it fast burn LOL. It’s a cute fic to read and it even has our favorite, now say it with me SOULMATES LOL.

Can't help falling in bed with you by tirralirra (T) 6.7k // here we see a 5 + 1 with points for the title (I think it’s very funny LOL my humor is bad ;)) Not that it really needs extra points because it’s a great fic in itself LOL but I really liked the title so I felt the need to share this with you all (OOPS). This was so cute, and the + 1 is HILARIOUS.

It’s no longer up :(((((( -> love's consequences by xginpuff (T) 6.5k // WARNINGS AND TAGS been a while since we had an angsty fic in this list (LOL the way I just tried to avoid all of them hehe). I read the tags but ngl I was still surprised later LOL maybe I’m just dumb, but anyway IK it starts out a bit confusing, but after you read more, you’ll get into it!

***sunagashi by bastigod (T) 9.8k // if there’s anything I like more than mythology, it’s folklore LOL. I love this fic and the plot is written so artfully AHDSAJN. Also the scene with the Ume-chan and her comment (so snarky I love). Also they way I went through so much trouble trying to figure out the kanji LOL (SPOILER it’s miyarin hehe)

catch me (while i'm still runnin') by lunarins (T) 4.3k // first and foremost, may we have a moment of silence for Komori and his eyebrows..... Continuing, this fic was so good because I love a good heist hehe. Their slight of hand abilities really doing the most LOL, and the ending OMG. I love the way the writer added in how they appeared to others during the heist, it really made it so good! Ugh to have a painting class and almost die LOL.

***if we get this right by Slumber (G) 5k // OLD FRIEND plsplspls I love this fic and I love how Osamu slowly relearns who he knew Suna as AHHH. The ending, again UGH, I really loved it and their banter with one another.

The Study of Suna Rintarou by DeathBelle (T) 6.1k // PLEASE the way Osamu kept getting offended omg. But also the effort Suna puts into getting to know Osamu, I was in ~love~. Read to me Osamu, READ TO ME. But also the Osamu is an oblivious MF agenda is alive and well within this fic hehe.

Take a Hint by pancake_surprise (G) 2.3k // ok so I had just read a tumbr post about the one bed thing and then I saw this fic. It was like the stars aligned okay? I was like, ig I HAVE to read it now hehe. But seriously read it, it’s cute and like everything else, of course there’s a challenge to be made LOL.

Heatwave by pancake_surprise (G) 2.1k // the way they were dating without knowing they were dating man. The tag ‘Didn't Know They Were Dating‘ more accurate than the ‘first dates’ one LOL jk but actually tho am I kidding? It’s the first official one IG. LOL anyway, we do love the doin of the defining of relationships. Yup.

If you made it all the way down here, CONGRATS LOL. Like I said, I didn’t read all of them (sadly) and these were the ones i did read LOL. I might add more depending on whether I can motivate myself into reading fics I know will be good LOL so we’ll see heh. Honestly, I thought I was gonna get word counted, but YAY we finished (for now hehe). Also sorry for any possible typos (is this no beta we die like men?) I’m running on 90 min of sleep so my engrish be strugglin LOL. Be safe and wear masks :)

[misscrazyfangirl321]

Fanfic Writer 20 Questions

Tagged by the fabulous @belleyells. Thank you!!

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 

136! :D 

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 

295,266. :O 

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Alice in Wonderland, Arrow, Legends of Tomorrow, Eureka, Grimm, Haven, Maleficent, Manifest, Once Upon A Time, Prodigal Son, Sanctuary, Star Trek: TOS, The Flash, The Walking Dead, Timeless, Victorious, White Collar, and Zoo. (At least those are the ones I’ve put on AO3.) So....18. 

4) What are your top five fics by kudos? 

What He Cannot Say

Holding Each Other Together

In A Name

Forgotten

In Good Hands

Three Timeless ones (not surprising), one Grimm fic (also not super surprising), and one Prodigal Son fic (kinda surprising, actually, because I wasn’t super involved in that fandom. Neat, though!) 

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do!! Sometimes it takes me awhile, especially with a longer comment, but yes. I absolutely love interacting with my readers. <3 

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? 

Maybe “A Time to Mourn,” or “The Recollection of Us.” 

7) Do you write crossovers?

I’ve written a few!! Most of them live in my head, but I’ve gotten a few down on the screen. 

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not on AO3!! On one of my early ff.net accounts, I got a comment from someone saying that my posting a certain fic on their birthday ruined it for them. I, a snarky young pre-teen/early teen, wrote a fic/parody thing in response and posted it separately. I got a comment from a complete stranger calling me rude names for it. I messaged the stranger explaining the situation, and she and I ended up being good friends for awhile.

So, while in hindsight, I kinda regret the snarky response, it gave me a friend, so, you know. 

(I also got one comment on a one-shot saying it was boring, which gave me the motivation to write the sequel I’d been procrastinating for ages. ... I was a very combative child, in hindsight....) 

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

Nope! 

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, no! 

11) Have you ever had a fic translated? 

I have not! That’d be really cool, tho! 

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

Mmmm so @belleyells and I wrote a few chapters of a Legends of Tomorrow/HTTYD crossover, but never ended up publishing it. Ohhh and @heytheredeann and I co-write a series for awhile! (And @taleasoldastime-andspace and I started to cowrite something, and then I... Lost steam for writing Timeless characters. Sorry, friend!) 

13) What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Mmmm... Probably Garcy. 

14) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? 

!!! I have the majority of a Timeless fic written out where Flynn is kidnapped and tortured by Emma. It’s one of the whumpiest things I’ve ever written. There’s a version where Amy is secretly alive and working with a team to help save him as well, and a version that threw that out for being too complicated. But I don’t know if it will ever get finished. Not only am I not doing much with Timeless these days, it’s far heavier whump than anything I normally write these days. 

15) What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, for sure! And I have like... I feel like a solid 60/40 track record with writing emotional stuff. It’s either a grand poetic comparison, or like. “She felt sad. It felt like sadness.” Also, generating ideas.

16) What are your writing weaknesses? 

To steal an answer, finishing stuff. Also, writing scenery/description. 9 times out of 10, if the characters are in any sort of setting at all, it has taken a LOT of effort on my part to focus on it. I’d be happy to just have them floating in space. Also, writing fight scenes. 

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? 

I would if I could, and it’s always neat to read. Really, though, all I can do right now is write terms of endearment in other languages. 

18) What was the first fandom you ever wrote for? 

The Mentalist. 

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Probably “Forgotten,” because it’s the first multichap I’ve finished in a long time. “Echoes Through Time” might honestly be a close second, though. 

20) Who do you tag? 

@taleasoldastime-andspace @imissthembutitwasntadisaster @please-dont-pet-the-okapi @lumiereandcogsworth @marvels-obscure-tophat and @amandamonroe but only if you want to! 

[twdmusicboxmystery]

TWD 11x07: Promises Broken - Analysis

How did everyone like episode 11x07? This is going to be pretty short and sweet today. Right off the bat, I have less to say about this episode that I did about last week's. I've also seen episode 8 already, and it's phenomenal. I’ll have a lot more to say about next week’s as well. 11x07 is one of those episodes that sort of transitions between big events. They are still definitely some interesting developments that I’ll talk about. But not as much detail to go into.

***As always, spoilers abound below for 11x07. Don’t read until you’ve watched!***

There were two major Beth callbacks that really grabbed my attention. I'll talk about both of them and then briefly about what happens at the Commonwealth. Tomorrow I’ll do Details as usual and honestly the rest the week may be Asks. Not only because I don't have much time this week to get new posts written, but also because the Asks are really building up in my inbox and I need to get them all answered.

First major Beth saw tie-in I saw:

We learned more about Elijah in this episode. I no longer worry about him being a plant or mole of any kind. He does seem to be disappearing at random times, but we learned in this episode that his sister was killed in the attack by the reapers (actually, we already knew that), but more specifically that she's a walker somewhere. He wasn't able to put her down.

In the opening scene, a teenage girl walker moves toward the group and Maggie kills her. She says that this young woman was Elijah's sister's best friend. We learn that Elijah’s sister is still out there somewhere.

If that's not a huge tie to Beth and what we believe happened during the missing 17 days, I don't know what is.

Later in the episode, as Maggie and Elijah are leading the walker horde toward Meridian, he looks over and sees his sister as a walker. It was somewhat reminiscent of Michonne in 4B. But mostly, it just screamed Beth to me.

Obviously, in this case, Elijah was able to find his sister and she truly is deceased. It was difficult because when he sees her, they are leading the walker horde, and therefore he couldn't actually put her down. If he had, it would've gotten the attention of the rest of the walkers and he and Maggie probably would've been eaten. But he started to cry, and Maggie held his hand. I thought it was very sweet and poignant. But I also couldn't help but think that Maggie is so very sympathetic toward him because she knows EXACTLY how he feels.

Second major Beth callback:

This one came through Daryl and Leah's storyline. They find a young family, who Pope tells them to kill. But Leah has an intense emotional reaction, especially when she sees the couple's son, who looks like he's probably not too many years older than Matthew was. She defies Pope’s order and doesn't kill the family. Instead, she tells the father and son to run away. The mother, who was badly hurt, and probably wouldn't have survived anyway, asks Leah to kill her. But Leah, still upset, can't do it. So, Daryl does it for her.

He walks up to retrieve his arrow and covers the woman with a blanket. This was a direct call back to the Rich Bitch walker in Still, who he covered the blue tarp to appease Beth. Remember that after Lenny was killed by the Claimers, he also almost covered him with the tarp, but then ended up not.

In this scene with Leah, Daryl then turns around and says, "Leah, I gotta tell you something." Obviously, he was going to tell her everything and try to bring her in on his plan. He doesn't end up doing it because just then Pope radios and tells them to get back to camp. (I assume that's because they see Maggie’s walker horde coming.)

I can't help but think that everything about Leah reminded Daryl of Beth in this scene. She still wearing her blonde ponytail, she got emotional about the situation and had sympathy for the family. The fact that she reminded him so much of Beth in that moment is probably why he covered the deceased woman. It was an almost unconscious action because he was thinking of Beth. And that is why he decided to trust Leah, even though he didn't actually do it.

You might say that we have a bit of a Darth Vader situation going on here. Daryl is trying to figure out whether there is still good in Leah and whether he can trust her. That's why he's always watching her interactions with Pope so closely. He sort of wants to turn her to the good side, or TF’s side. And no, I don't think it's because of anything romantic. AK has said that's over with. But that doesn't mean Leah can't be helpful to him in making sure that Maggie and the rest of the group survive.

So, what this is probably going to come down to is Daryl finally showing Leah his hand, and then it will depend on whether helps him save Maggie and the others or turns on him and outs him to Pope. MSF next week. Just sayin’. ;D

Let's talk briefly about the Commonwealth.

We had this really weird sequence where Eugene and Stephonie are clearing walkers, but they see two younger people walk by who are being a little bit snotty about being near where walkers are.

Later, they see these two kissing under the pavilion, with walkers coming up behind them. Eugene runs out and saves them from the walkers. Another one shows up while Eugene is arguing that the young man, who turns out to be a total tool. Stephonie kills that walker, spraying the young guy’s girlfriend with blood.

While watching, I couldn’t figure out where this was leading. It was just so bizarre. Yes, Eugene and Stephani saved them from walkers, and yes, they were being jerks about it, but why would there be walkers near them while they were on a date anyway? Why did Mercer lead them to a place with walkers nearby and then leave them alone? I just wasn't quite putting it all together.

We then learned that this young man is Pamela Milton’s son. That's why he so entitled, because his mother runs the community, so he thinks the world owes him something. Because Eugene hit him, poor Eugene finds himself in this in a cell again.

I didn't really put together what was going on until Hornsby showed up and said, "Now the price is higher. We need to know the name of your town and how to get there."

So, yeah. It was all a set up. They're wanted Eugene to do something else they could punish him for because they're trying to get the name of his settlement. It's no different than what they were trying to do in the interrogation. So, these people are pretty diabolical. They realized the interrogation wasn't working. Eugene's group wasn't intimidated by them and they knew they would get answers that way. So, they set up first the radio and then the situation with Pamela Milton’s son in order to try and force Eugene to give them the name of the name and location of Alexandria. 

At the end of the episode, it sounds like Eugene is thinking about caving, but we don't know whether he did or not in this episode.

Another thing of interest is that the real Stephanie who Eugene talked to on the radio seems to be Pamela Milton's receptionist. She and Yumiko did have some interaction in this episode.

Beyond that, we also did have a really interesting conversation between Maggie and Negan. Though there wasn’t much that was TD about it, I really did enjoy that scene.

I also still think they’re setting up something with Father Gabriel, but I’m still at a loss as to what it is.

That's it for today. Like I said, short and sweet. I'll be back with details and any developments from the talking dead tomorrow. How did everyone like this episode?

[spaceorphan18]

Since you believe Season 3 is the worst (although I didn’t mind it too much, some of my favorite episodes including my all time fave The First Time are from this season), what are some ways in which you’d rewrite this season?

Oh, I don’t believe, I know <3 <3 

Also, fwiw, The First Time and Dance With Somebody are two of my favorite episodes in the series.  <3  

But this is an absolutely fascinating question -- because I’d completely overhaul the entire season.  

(My overhaul of season 3 would kind of wreck havoc on the rest of the series, but let’s keep it to season 3.)  

So, first of all, three things I’d get rid of entirely.  

1. Sue’s Pregnancy.  No one wanted or needed this story.  Just have Figgins retire, Sue take over, and continue to have Coach Roz take over the Cheerios.  Boom, done. 

2. Get rid of Rory.  He added absolutely nothing to the story.   Sugar, Joe, and Unique were all fine, and can stay.  

3. Coach Beiste’s spousal abuse story.  I realize the world wouldn’t have been ready for it - but the transition story would have been more interesting here.  

----

So, the whole point of Season 3 was to focus on the seniors, so i’d keep them the focus, i’d just give them better stories.  

1. Finn and Rachel - I think them spinning in different directions is actually the right choice.  And while it did feel like TOO much in season 3, their story lines of them realizing that maybe they are just on different tracks wasn’t the worst story line.  I’d change minor things about it, and maybe let Rachel freakin’ fail at something.  

2. Rachel and Kurt - I think it’d have been better if they both didn’t get into NYADA, and tried to go to New York to make it without a firm plan.  (I have more thoughts on post-season 3 that I’ll place below.)  

3. Kurt and Blaine - hey, let’s NOT make Blaine a junior.  That said, let’s get some drama up in Klaine land.  Or spend some time developing Blaine a little more.  They’d both go to New York by the end, but I think a split isn’t the worst thing to happen to them.  (Again, be for y’all murder me, I’ll add more at the end.) 

4. Quinn and Puck - So, I’m saying a hard no on Shelby.  No stupid baby stealing story.  No dumb teacher/student ickiness.  And let’s not hit Quinn with a truck.  Puck’s story is possibly the best written in the season (yes, I’m crazy I know) and I’d leave it be - but Quinn could have something about settling into her life.  And then they’d graduate and move on with their lives, because honestly, both of these characters had moved on from this show (in the same way that both Ken and Terri no longer had a place either).  

5. Mercedes (and Sam) - I know it’s blasphemy at me getting rid of the Treble Tones, but I’d give Mercedes a story that supported her much more.  Not only would her and her dreams be more developed, but so would her relationship with Sam.  She deserved proper screen time, and got shit on a lot in this season.  Why not lift her up, too? 

6. Santana (and Brittany) - I think Santana’s coming out could have been a lot smoother.  I think her career aspirations also deserved more than the “I wanna be famous” story they gave her in one episode.  I think her story (and her relationship with Brittany) could have been expanded fuller -- as well as letting Brittany be an actual character 

7. Mike (and Tina) - i have no ideas as to what -- but give them both something to do! Let them have real relationship issues! Let Mike have a story that isn’t cliche! Idk, something! 

8. Artie - Have Artie make a documentary about the graduating class. It’d give him something to do, and it’d be a cool thread to tie the year together.  

9. Will and Emma - let them get married at the end of the season.  My thoughts moving forward make big changes for the show, so let’s tie up this lingering thread from the beginning of the season, and say goodnight to Will.  

They win nationals, of course, which would still be telegraphed, but it’s not as important since the stories are more about the kids and less about the competitions.  

----

So here’s my thing.  I think the show moving forward would have had an interesting split.  I think there’s a Glee The College Years and Glee The New Class thing going on.  And, honestly, they’re both new shows.  Of course, Glee the New Class would focus on McKinley, and bring in the Newbies in a more organic way.  I honestly wouldn’t keep any of the old crew there except Unique (though I know that probably wouldn’t keep people tuning in, so I understand why they didn’t.)  

Meanwhile, you have Glee The College Years.   And... I can’t believe I’m going to say this but... yes, break everyone up.  Because I think they all need new experiences and to explore themselves without their significant others.  Some of them would find their way back to each other (Klaine, Samcedes), others wouldn’t (Finchel, Tike), (I’m indifferent about Brittana -- even if I personally like Santana exploring her options more than that relationship.); and Artie would just be living his best life.  

So... yeah, that would be what I’d do.  :D 

[supernaturalfreewill]

Words: 4,694 Sam x Reader Warnings: none! Summary: After the hunt and Y/N's injury, the crew heads back to the bunker. A/N: I think you all are going to like this part. A lot. :D This is Part 9 of a series. Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, and Part 8 first!

Your name: submit What is this?

You woke up feeling a little groggy but the pain in your leg brought you out of the fog quickly. You were a little disappointed to see that Sam was no longer beside you, and you wondered if he had managed to get some much-needed sleep after all. The last thing you remembered was him falling asleep next to you while your heart fluttered nervously as you ran your fingers through his hair, but maybe he didn’t stay asleep.

You got up and hobbled your way over to the bathroom. You washed your hands and your face, brushed your teeth, and looked yourself over in the mirror. You had a lot of little nicks and cuts everywhere and you could now see that there was a bluish-purple bruise along your jaw which you gently prodded. Still, you felt lucky that the worst thing that had been gashed was your leg… You could have been a lot worse off.

The door to the adjoining room opened as you were limping your way back over to the bed and Sam stepped through holding two big coffee cups in one hand, which made you smile, knowing it would have taken your whole hand to carry just one. “Hey,” he said, watching you sink down gingerly on the bed, extending your stitched-up leg straight out in front of you. “Good morning. How are you doing?”

He nodded, but his expression was a little doubtful. “Well, I figured you probably could use a huge coffee to clear up the post-whiskey haze you’re probably in,” he said, handing you one of the cups.

“Thanks, Sam.” You accepted it gratefully and took the lid off, breathing in the smoky, rich scent. Sam smiled as he watched you shut your eyes and inhale the steam. “This is heaven,” you said, smiling warmly at him. “Thank you. Um, did you manage to get a decent night’s sleep?” you asked him, your heart skipping again at the thought of him falling asleep beside you.

He sat down on the other bed across from you. “You know, I actually did. A whole night’s worth. I can’t even remember the last time—well, except for the pain killers,” he added with a laugh, lifting his casted hand slightly. “Anyway, I think I have you to thank for that,” he said. He felt suddenly a little bashful and stared down at the paper cup in his hands. The feeling of you running your hand through his hair had been… in a word, perfect. All thoughts had vanished, all his worries, all his anxiety. His mind had quieted and he wasn’t even sure when he slipped off to sleep. It had felt almost instantaneous. “So, thanks.”

“Don’t thank me for that,” you said, waving it off. “But I’m glad to hear it.”

“I should thank you for it,” he said. “And I also should warn you that now I’m going to expect to be pampered like that all the time,” he joked. “Anytime I can’t sleep I will be bothering you.”

You couldn’t help a smile from growing on your face. “Sounds like a pretty good gig actually…” Your cheeks grew warm with a blush and Sam let out a nervous laugh, feeling his heart skip a beat at your words.

“Well, the pay is crap,” he said, sipping at his coffee, and eliciting another laugh from you.

I disagree, you thought.

A comfortable silence stretched for a moment and Sam’s eyes stayed connected with yours until you glanced down at the gauze wrappings on your leg and the jagged cut in the denim of your jeans where Dean had slit through them with his knife so he could patch you up. “Another pair of pants completely ruined. Rule number one of hunting is don’t ever wear clothes you care about,” you commented, resting your hand on your leg. “I should probably put on a pair that has more than one and a half legs,” you said, climbing to your feet and getting ready to head next door for your duffel bag.

“Hey—Whoa. Are you crazy?” Sam said, quickly jumping up, discarding his coffee on the side table. “Sit down,” he laughed. “I’ll bring you your stuff.”

“Sam, it’s fine. I can walk—Look!” You hobbled a couple steps and tried to hide a grimace as you were met with some new pangs of discomfort in your leg.

He gave you a look. “Would you just let me help you? Please? I couldn’t be on the hunt to protect you so at least let me grab your bag, okay?”

Sam wanted to protect you. Well, of course he did. And you wanted to protect him… but it was the first time you could really remember him saying it so forwardly and clearly like that and it made you feel a bit lightheaded all of a sudden. “The reason you couldn’t be on the hunt was because you did protect me, Sam.”

But you conceded with a nod and sank back down onto the end of the bed. Sam disappeared into the adjoining room which had previously been yours and returned with your bag of clothes, dropping it next to you on the bed. “Before you change, we should take a look and make sure everything is all good with your stitches,” he said.

You gulped a little nervously because in all honesty, with the chaos and adrenaline of the previous night (followed by the whiskey), you weren’t exactly sure that you even knew how bad it had been. You propped your leg up on the bed and Sam came and knelt beside you, unwrapping the bandage, his hands steady and gentle. His brow furrowed when the stitched wound came into view and you winced a little at the sight of it too. “Huh. So, that’s worse than I thought,” you said with a wry laugh. Sam gave you a concerned glance.

“Yeah… Pretty good gash you have here. I’d imagine it hurts quite a bit today,” he said.

You shrugged. “It’s not so bad.”

He gave you a doubtful look before turning back to check the wound more carefully. “It looks alright. No signs of infection or anything, and as much as I hate to say it Dean did a good job with the stitches.” His hazel eyes found yours again and you couldn’t tear yours away. He had that expression of sweet concern on his handsome face, the classic Winchester furrowed brow, and you could have spent a lifetime trying to count all the different hues in his eyes. Sam suddenly noticed the bruise along your jaw which you had seen in the bathroom mirror and without thinking he reached out and gently turned your face so he could look at it. His fingers were so light on your skin that it felt like a wisp of a breeze. His frown deepened as he looked at the bruise and then his eyes travelled over the various nicks and cuts on your arms and hands, the one along your collarbone he had cleaned the night before… “How is the rest of you? Really?” he asked. His fingers slipped from your face leaving goosebumps in their wake.

You only shrugged vaguely. “I’m alright,” you said softly.

He gave you that familiar skeptical look again and you avoided his eyes. “You said you got thrown into a pile of metal… So, I’m going to ask you again, how is the rest of you?” he said with a small, somewhat sad smile.

“Well, maybe I am a little banged up… My right side is a little sore,” you admitted. “But, honestly, my leg is really the only thing that’s bothering me right now.”

Sam hesitated for a moment before pointing at your side. “Do you—do you mind if I take a look?” he asked. His throat felt suddenly tight at the mere thought of studying your bare skin, the curve of your hip and waist, the outlines of your ribs… God, that’s all it took… This was a normal thing in the life. You patched each other up after hunts, took care of each other. But Sam knew that it was only with you that it ever felt so charged, so intimate, this suspended tension…

You swallowed at the nervous lump in your throat too, not knowing Sam was doing the same thing. “Sure,” you managed, thinking that you wished you had given yourself a more thorough once over in the bathroom. If it was bad, Sam would only worry even more, and you felt like he still had more than enough of his own stuff to worry about… principally his broken hand healing and getting back to normal strength and mobility, and dealing with being cheated on…

Sam took hold of the hem of your shirt and lifted it so he could look at your side. The worry lines in his forehead deepened immediately and his jaw tensed. “Y/N,” he said. “Why didn’t you say something about this last night?” he asked. “We could have at least gotten some ice on it. And you should take something for the swelling.” You whole side was blooming with a dark purple and black bruise. Sam wished more than anything he could just fix it instantly.

You turned so you could look down at your side and were a little startled by the range of dark colors there. Sam looked at the pout that settled on your lips. “Well… to be honest I didn’t notice it last night since my leg was split open but, yeah, that doesn’t look great,” you said. The way you twisted to try to get a better look sent a twinge of pain through you and you took in a sharp hiss of breath.

Just then, the adjoining door opened and Dean stepped in, but he froze halfway over the threshold when he saw Sam beside you, and apparently also saw your shirt partway lifted. He cleared his throat awkwardly and Sam let the fabric fall from his fingers, standing up a little suddenly and turning to look at Dean, who now had a tight but amused smile on his face.

“Am I, uhh, interrupting something?” he asked with a pointed raise of his eyebrows.

“What? No. What? No, just—Y/N’s side is all bruised up and—”

Dean only nodded, that obnoxious look on his face. Sam was quite sure he was goading him on purpose. “Uh huh. I see. Well, I was just coming to check in on you, Y/N,” Dean said, coming over to look at your leg. “But it seems you are already well taken care of,” he said. He flashed a knowing look at Sam who only grabbed his coffee cup again and cleared his throat a little awkwardly.

You avoided Dean’s gaze, knowing he was bound to give you some kind of meaningful look which was only going to further redden your cheeks. “I’m fine. But I would like to get out of these bloody clothes and this ¾ pair of pants, so if you wouldn’t mind—”

“Of course. No problem,” Dean said, standing back up. He grabbed Sam firmly by the arm and tugged him toward the other room. “Come on, Sammy. Let’s give Y/N some privacy.” He shot you a wide smile over his shoulder as he closed the door, and you tried to muster your best scolding expression.

Once inside the other room, Sam tugged his arm away from Dean. “Why the hell are you pulling on me? What the hell was that?” Sam asked, obviously a little annoyed.

“Yeah, what the hell was that?” Dean asked, laughing. “You playing doctor over there?”

Sam felt his face burn. “Dude, her entire side is bruised! I was just—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were just nothing. Sam, when are you going to do it?”

“Dean!”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Oh, grow up. I don’t mean it. I mean, just do it!” Sam paced away from Dean and collapsed onto one of the beds. “Do what?”

“Oh, I don’t know. What could I possibly be referring to? Umm, maybe tell her, or kiss her, or, actually, yeah, you know what, take her shirt off completely and—”

“Alright, enough!” Sam rubbed a hand over his face. “And shut up! She’s right there!” he said, pointing toward the door.

“Well, really, what are you waiting for??” Dean demanded. “Part of me thought you were going to spill it as soon as you found out about her sister cheating on you! What is the hold up? You’re single! She’s single! Come on, Sam! Buck up!”

“It’s still not that simple, Dean.”

“How? How exactly are you still making this more complicated in your head than it actually is?”

“I still dated her sister! Don’t you think if I start dating Y/N, especially this soon, and her sister finds out that might result in some unpleasantness?” “She cheated on you! She obviously didn’t want to be with you anymore!”

Sam’s jaw clenched. “Nice. That’s nice, Dean. Thanks.”

“Well, it’s true! And none of that is for you to worry about. Y/N’s relationship with her sister is her business to worry about and deal with.” Dean pulled the plastic lid off his coffee cup and chucked it at Sam. “The only thing that is holding you back now, is you. And you obviously need to hear that. I’ve seen the way you look at her, and guess what? I’ve also seen the way she looks at your dumb ass—I mean, not literally your ass, well… maybe that too, but you know what I mean. I’ve seen the way she looks at you.” Dean again wanted to blurt out that you were absolutely in love with Sam in just the way he was absolutely in love with you, but he knew it wasn’t his place, even though it made him want to scream, so he held his tongue. He settled for prodding it along as best he could. “Go for it. I know that you’ll be so insanely happy you did that I will probably want to throw up.”

Sam didn’t say anything, just sipped at his coffee, but Dean could see that he was settling in to some deep train of thought.

_ _ _ _ _ _

“Ah, home, sweet home,” Dean said, climbing out of the Impala and slamming his door. You climbed out of the back seat, still walking softly heel to toe to try and keep your leg as pain free as possible. In addition to the stitched-up gash a large, deep bruise had developed around it overnight.

“I’ll get your bags, Y/N,” Dean said, going around to open the trunk. Sam climbed out of the Impala and gave you a discerning look.

“You know what,” he said, coming around to the other side of the Impala beside you. “Come here.” Without warning he scooped you up into his arms and started carrying you across the garage. You couldn’t help but let out a surprised squeak as he lifted you off the ground.

“Sam! What—? I can walk!” you laughed nervously, knowing your face was bright red. “And—careful, your hand!”

“I know you can walk. That’s not the point. And my hand is fine,” he said, adjusting you in his arms. “I’m not carrying you in my hand. I’m carrying you in my arms.”

Yes, you are, you thought to yourself. You were amazed at how effortless it seemed to be for him, and you could feel the strong muscles through his cotton t-shirt which was causing that fluttery feeling in your chest. “Sam, this is so unnecessary,” you said quietly.

“It’s not though. I can tell walking on your leg hurts, and I don’t ever want anything to hurt you,” he said. His voice grew quieter toward the end of that statement and you found yourself looking right into his eyes with your own, and your faces were so close, lips just mere inches apart.

Sam carried you through the bunker to your room and set you down on the end of your bed. You laughed nervously as his arms slipped from you, feeling your cheeks growing pink again, which was annoyingly frequent. “Thanks,” you said, unable to meet his gaze.

“Don’t mention it.”

Dean poked his head into your room and dropped your duffel bag on the floor. He shot you a look that Sam couldn’t see and wiggled his eyebrows at you before disappearing again. You bit the inside of your cheek a little nervously, trying to think of something to say. But you couldn’t think of anything because at that moment you could feel that Sam’s eyes were still on your face and there was a buzzy, electric feeling in the room.

Sam was replaying his conversation with Dean from that morning in his head and—

Suddenly he crossed the space between the two of you and held out his hand. You looked up at him, your heart suddenly pounding now, knowing your eyes were probably a little wide. You placed your hand in his, a questioning expression on your face, and he gently pulled you to your feet.

His hand traced up your arm from your hand, over your shoulder, and came to rest against the side of your neck with his fingers in your hair and his thumb along your jaw, gently clasping your face. You couldn’t have looked away from him if you had wanted to. The gaze between you was so magnetic, addictive. Sam was amazed at the color of your eyes, the dim ceiling light somehow still setting them ablaze with sparks. Your heart was pounding. His heart was pounding.

Sam watched as your lips, full with a perfect cupid’s bow, parted slightly as you looked at him and that was it—that was all he needed. The next instant he was kissing you feverishly, urgently, his hand in your hair pulling you gently into him. You were on your tiptoes in a moment, not feeling any twinge of pain in your leg. Sam’s other hand settled on your lower back, his finger splayed out across your spine, and you arched into him, your arms flying around his neck. You forgot to breathe. There wasn’t a single thought in your mind, you were completely surrounded by, immersed in Sam.

That kiss was everything, more than everything. You felt like you had been waiting for it forever and it was a hundred times better than your highest hopes and expectations. It was like he had just fanned a spark you had hidden away in your chest into a blazing fire and you weren’t the least bit afraid of being consumed by it. There was heat but also tenderness, and you couldn’t remember ever feeling so completely surrounded by just sensations, bounding heart and blooming warmth and fluttering butterflies and electric sparks jumping up your back, causing tingles on your neck.

t was impossible to know how long you were kissing each other because it felt like nothing else existed, but when you finally broke apart slightly, Sam’s eyes were flitting between yours, searching your face, trying to read what he knew he had felt on your face. And it took only a split second before your face broke into a smile that Sam thought was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It was just you and him. Just you in his arms and two hearts bounding with wild happiness.

You felt off-balance in the best way as you looked up at him, and he smiled back at you, sweet and fond and warm and the happiest you had seen him in a long time. He was still holding you, his hand on your lower back. “I just—I couldn’t not do that anymore,” he said quietly.

It took you a moment to catch you breath so you could even speak. “I’ve wanted that for—” you shook your head vaguely, “seems like forever,” you said.

Sam pushed a strand of hair away from your face and you closed your eyes as his fingers gently floated along you jaw and clasped your face again. He kissed you again, slow and sweet this time, but still sending a jolt of electric tingles through you. He gave you an amazed and warm look when you broke apart. “I’m going to say ‘goodnight,’ because honestly it can’t get any better and I think I need to—” he shook his head vaguely, “process that this really just happened,” he said, a small smile on his lips. “I’ve thought about it for so long.”

You nodded. “Me too.”

Sam let out another joyful laugh. “I’m afraid I’m going to wake up any second,” he said.

You stood on your tiptoes again and kissed him one more time. Seeing the starry look in his eyes when you pulled away sent you spinning. “I’m pretty sure this isn’t a dream,” you said, your voice a little breathy because you felt like it had been stolen.

Sam gave you a look that was unmistakably a mix of disbelief and desire and sighed through an amazed smile. “Then I really better go before I somehow ruin this moment for real.”

You laughed a little at his amazement, feeling your cheeks grow warm again. He took you hands in his and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Goodnight, Y/N,” he said.

“Goodnight, Sam.”

He slipped away from you and headed for the doorway, but he turned around again at the threshold to look at you once more, wanting to memorize everything about that moment, and the small, amazed smile on his face grew into a wildly happy one before he disappeared into the hallway.

_ _ _ _ _ _

Dean groaned at a light rapping on his bedroom door that pulled him from sleep. He barely stirred. “Hmm… what?” he called, hugging his pillow more tightly.

“Dean,” a harsh whisper on the other side of the door.

“What?” he said again, not opening his eyes.

“Can I come in?”

“Fine. Come in. Just be quiet,” he said sleepily, not even really listening to what he had agreed to. He was almost completely back to sleep instantly.

You cracked his door open and looked at him sprawled out in his bed, half the covers spilling off him onto the floor. You had an excited smile on your face that you couldn’t contain and tiptoed your way over to the side of the bed.

“Dean!” you said again, tentatively venturing to nudge his shoulder.

Another sleepy groan. “For fuck’s sake. What time is it?”

You cringed, not really wanting to answer that question. “Uhh… early,” you said. “I’m sorry to wake you up but I just—I really need to tell you something!” You sank down on the edge of the bed and looked at him flopped on his pillow. “Dean!” you said a little more loudly, shaking his shoulder now.

“What—?” His eyes finally opened this time. “Y/N? What the hell are you doing?” He propped himself up on one elbow and peered at you blearily.

You let out a sharp laugh. “Were you just asleep? You were talking to me like 30 seconds ago.”

“Yeah, I was asleep. Past tense.”

“I’m sorry!”

“Well, what exactly is the crisis that brought you in here? Hmm? Part of the bunker flooding? Partial lockdown tripped? What?”

You gave him a wide, awkward smile. “You know, now that I’m here… and I see you awake, I do recognize that waking you up was a bad idea…”

Dean’s eyes narrowed as he looked at you and he was struck suddenly with a suspicion. “I’ll be damned.” He let out a gruff laugh and sank back down onto his pillow, shutting his green eyes. There was a smile on his face. “It’s about goddamn time,” he muttered, adjusting his arm under his pillow again.

You stared at him in disbelief. “…what?”

He cracked an eye open and peered at you again before settling back in and heaving a sigh, a smile still on his lips. “He finally made a move, didn’t he?”

You stared at him, completely perplexed. “How did you—?”

Dean rolled over on his back and tugged at the blanket. “Please, Y/N. First, you’re not bleeding and I don’t smell any smoke and the bunker alarm system isn’t going off, so what the hell else could possibly be important enough for you to wake me up so goddamn early? Second, you’re practically oozing happiness all over the place…”

You laughed and couldn’t stop grinning at him. “Right… Okay. Well, you’re correct.”

“I know I am,” he said, shutting his eyes again. “And I’m really happy for you, but I’m also really fucking tired, so I’m gonna go ahead and go back to sleep and we can talk about this when I’m fully conscious.”

“Right… okay. Sorry,” you whispered. You got up and headed for the door and were about to slip back through it when Dean called your name.

“Y/N.” You turned to face him, and instead of an annoyed look you were met with a smile (albeit sleepy) that went all the way to his eyes and crinkled the corners. “I’m really happy for you.”

You grinned back at him and slipped out into the hallway, shutting the door softly behind you. You headed back to bed to wait in quiet anticipation for whatever the day was going to bring.

_ _ _ _ _ _

The sound of a door creaking open and quiet footsteps. “Hey, Dean.” Nothing. A more urgent voice, close beside the bed. “Dean!”

A very surly, very annoyed, very tired-sounding groan. “You have got to be kidding me…”

“I know—it’s early, but I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Wake up! Listen to me!” Sam’s voice, rushed and excited. “I did it. I took your advice and—”

Dean sat up in his bed and glared at Sam, rubbing a hand over his face. “Yeah! I know! You know how I know?”

Confusion flashed across Sam’s face.

“Y/N was already in here, waking me up, to tell me the same thing. I don’t know how long ago.”

Sam let out an awed laugh, his face frozen in a smile. “You’re kidding.”

“You know, I really wish I was,” Dean said gruffly. He reached for his cell phone and turned it over so he could check the time, which only elicited a string of expletives under his breath. “Sammy, I’m gonna tell you what I told her: I’m really happy for you but you need to get the hell out of my room before I punch you in the face.”

“I really don’t think you threatened to punch Y/N in the face…”

“You’re correct. I did not. But this is the second time so you’ll have to excuse my completely legitimate exasperation.”

Sam stood up abruptly. “Yeah, okay. That’s fair. Sorry, Dean.”

“Shut the door on your way out,” Dean said, flopping back down on his bed. He sighed again. “And Sam—”

Sam glanced back at his brother who was still laying back with his eyes closed. “Hmm?”

“Don’t fuck it up,” he said, a smirk growing on his face.

Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I don’t plan to.”