#honestly this dude ......he's the literal worst and i love him dearly

[funky-sea-cryptid]

Giving you an excuse to talk about his seven hoes

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?

For Citra

oh you know i love to talk about citra's seven hoes

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?

citra has so much passion in him. it's an integral part of his character. he's so emotional and deep into anything he does so. yes, he has seven hoes. he loves each one of them dearly.

ciaran maurin - when citra meets ciaran, he's nothing, just the ward of merel ness, and he's kind of at the point where he's kind of accepted that he's going to be nothing. maple sure as hell isn't going to give him that boost, and he's desperate for other people's approval (rabbithole.mp3). ciaran is the first person who believes he can be something other than what he is. ciaran is the person who's able to give citra the jumping-off point that causes him to become much more confident (dangerously so). he's still haunted by ciaran for the rest of his life. he can't chop down freypoint woods, and he will never want to.

ania livias- citra murders ania's husband. he does a lot of murder. and ania hates him for it. at the same time, she loses precious protection by not marrying him. she activates citra's mommy issues. citra infuriates her. the two of them are incredibly horrible for each other, and ania leaves him pretty soon after their whirlwind affair. it tears him up. the worst thing about his thing for older people is that he wants validation and he also murdered her husband so ania isnt willing to give it to him unless the exchange is transactional.

gilbert cutmore - literally the equivalent of committed to the bit. he was supposed to be in citra's house reporting back to clover but like. what can he say, pretty man. citra values gilbert as a steadfast companion, someone who's just always been there and has been a soft, gentle force. gilbert has been there through everything and citra loves him for it. gilbert will never leave him and honestly, that's the stability citra desperately needs.

marco vaude - lord have fucking mercy dude these two are AWFUL. marco wont stop sucking up. citra thinks he's pathetic. marco wants citra's validation. citra just wants marco's. their breakup is so messy that citra wouldn't stop talking about it for days. they got back together two weeks later. they broke up again. marco wanted clout in diamond and citra laughed him out of the room the final time they broke up. citra inspired the collective vaude inferiority complex.

celine beaufort- celine and citra was actually really sweet, but short-lived. inherently, they were not meant to be but god they had a good time. celine was just trying to have some fun and citra wanted something very serious. they're still friendly, but as you can tell that it's a little strained. she's a noblewoman and he's the king so if they ever committed it would've been super beneficial for her, but man she is just not in this to be married! she was married once and didnt like it!

caius kira - man how can you import so many WHORES (citra had a hotgirl summer). another case of toxic yaoi, but this time caius came in with a hashtag AGENDA he was like pleaseee help support william silvamillion against the roseleis and ill eat you out and citra had a moment of "you are old enough to be my father you should be demeaning me." it was a very humiliating positive pregnancy test result after their subsequent messy breakup.

passiflora roselei - passiflora shows up and citra is like hm. i need her. and passiflora is initially like "who is this weird... freak". she's also intially angry at gilbert for betraying her aunt maple and staying in diamond despite the revolt of the silvamillions, but because she can't go back to clover she's stuck with the ezra-diamonds. slowly they end up bonding, and they are very good for each other. she even ends up accepting gilbert as her boy as well, and the three of them just end up being the world's most unhinged polycule. citra adores her and the two of them are both incredibly similar. like calls to like, and theyre both very passionate people.

[parkerwhitmore]

parker’s fashion sense: hshqtask034

parker whitmore lands on our ‘worst dressed’ list yet again this week, with a khaki number that we just do not understand. it’s the white house coorespondent’s dinner, for god’s sake! wear a suit, wear a tie, do something normal for once in your life! i would feel bad for sutton if she wasn’t laughing through every question about it. - harper’s bazaar

pinterest

the vibe is... neon shorts that are just a bit too short. a turtleneck in august. wearing something just because someone said it would look stupid on him. oversized button-up shirts that are never buttoned correctly. band t shirts from bands that no one cares about. a waffle house dad hat. sock and sandals, unapologetically. expensive, hand tailored suit jackets with a ripped iggy and the stooges shirt underneath. if a frat boy has worn it during rush week, so has parker. except parker was attending a climate change conference. 

[haleigh-sloth]

I love reading anything you post the intelligence, the iq, the theories that actually make sense? you and some other dabi stans the only reason i have tumblr atp because people on twt have probably the absolute worst takes ever especially on the todo drama

They tru to sound smart by inserting buddhism and some symbolic meaning to touyas white clothes and his wish to unalive himself and come to the conclusion that he will die at the end BUT BUT in peace HELLO? what is the point of showing a character being miserable their whole life only to off them at the end "peacefully" like what does that mean? He finds out his family never forgot about him and missed him dearly? Then perfect why does he have to die? Honestly dudobros have not gotten anything correct about touya ever and then they wonder how he got so interesting when dabi has always been complex it's just them who need every piece of information fed to them directly and do not understand context and subtext which is why dabi stans were always right about him

We literally defeated the dabi doesnt care about his family AND the league allegations easily not forgetting him absolutely despising his father but still searching for his approval in a twisted way where it harms he further we have never been wrong ever

Idk if I’m all that smart or if my IQ is all that high (I need to find that out 🤔) but I super appreciate this 😂😭

Uh and yeah

Dude bros….they’re never right lol

Touya’s arc has gone almost exactly as many many many people on here predicted. I’ve held onto the “facing off against Shouto right before he gets saved” thing and I mean, it’s happening (I think unless this is a stupid fake out and he doesn’t get saved here) but I still feel like the majority of meta writers in this little circle of villain appreciation blogs have gotten most stuff on the nose.

Watching dabi haters grasp for straws and any hope left of them being right is kinda funny

No I do not think he’s gonna die and I’m at a point where I’m just deleting asks and comments that are full of hysteria about it because I’m exhausted. If he dies then it’s a huge loss and I’ll bitch about it UNTIL I LEAVE THIS EARTH

But until then I’m not a fan of the hysteria surrounding it so I have pretty much started ignoring it completely.

Anyway, thank you for the kind words, here’s a dog pic

[spockandawe]

I’m so unbelievably weak against characters who make terrible choices because they’re hurting and upset. I love the subtler resentful decisions that quietly build up ill will, and I love the big dramatic choices that end with everyone going down in flames. But more than anything, I love love love hurting myself with the emotional flavor of a character struggling with the tension of simultaneously realizing that people hate/mistrust them (or how much people hate/mistrust them, or which people hate/mistrust them), while also realizing that those people just have... no idea where they’re coming from.

I was thinking about this first because of Mu Qing, who is honestly a very low-key version of this scenario (and it’s also quieter since he’s not a lead character and rarely takes the spotlight himself). But the first big tgcf flashback honestly made my heart ache, seeing him trying to walk a line between maintaining his own independence/pride and not belonging to someone he wants to be peers with, but when he tries to be tactful, people decide he’s being shady.  He was picking cherries, to bring a treat to his poor mother (and the poor children around his home), but then got accused of stealing, and then didn’t want to say that it was because his only remaining parent was living in poverty. And it continues through the present day! He knocks out Feng Xin so he can save him from a burning city, because Feng Xin refuses to leave, and people are like ‘>:OOO MU QING ATTACKED FENG XIN??’ In some ways, this character hurts me more than the others, because he rarely does anything wrong, he has a bad attitude, but his most significant “missteps” tend to be like ‘you could have been a little more kind, tbh.’

But also too, I’ve been working my way through the svsss extras again, and... Shen Jiu. God, Shen Jiu. This character is agonizing, and I love him so much. He makes terrible choices! He does terrible things! He tries to set up an actual literal child to die horribly, because he resents that this child had a parent who loved him, and that he found his way to Cang Qiong young enough to reach his full potential! It’s absolutely unforgivable! But nobody except Yue Qingyuan has any clue how much Shen Jiu has been through and how to possibly help him grow or heal or how to support him into better decision making. And Shen Jiu is so hurt by the way Yue Qingyuan left him that he refuses to let Yue Qingyuan help him now. Like! This child was a slave, begging for food on the streets, then was sold to a rich boy who abused him in sexually-flavored ways and planned to marry him to his sister so he could keep him forever, and then his “rescuer” was a scumbag adult who taught him to steal and murder. 

And while Shen Jiu was suffering, he thinks Yue Qingyuan, who came from the same beginning and who promised to come back for him, was living in careless pampered luxury in a prestigious cultivation sect. Shen Jiu’s own self-evaluations are incredibly harsh, from the moment he’s reunited with Yue Qingyuan. He calls himself terrible, he calls himself a thing, and once it’s clear that he’s going to pay the price for his bad decisions, he tries hard to shove away the one person who cares about him and find some way to protect him. Yue Qingyuan never stopped loving him and defending him, but literally nobody else in the world has any sympathy for him whatsoever. How am I not supposed to be heartbroken? Shang Qinghua sighs over how his readers used to hate on Shen Qingqiu for having no motivations, which, sure, that’s understandable from what’s on the “Proud Immortal Demon Way” pages, but seeing the trauma driving his choices in svsss and seeing his own self-awareness and self-loathing and knowing that one (1) person in-universe has any inkling of his internal world (and that person died trying to help him), I’m! In pain!!!

Plus, in svsss proper, I saw a post in passing once that was something like... ‘readers are hard on luo binghe, because he’s the only mxtx protagonist where we see the worst decisions of his life and aren’t in his head to understand why he’s making those decisions.’ Which I still find fascinating, and think about often. It makes sense to me. And as far as my terrible-decision-making children go, he’s very interesting to me because he doesn’t really deal with the widespread distaste/mistrust that mu qing and shen jiu experience, it’s very much targeted on one person. I live for the parts of svsss where all Luo Binghe has to do is breathe, and Shen Qingqiu flinches and bolts. And Luo Binghe is not acting in kind or well-considered ways, a lot of the time! But he was seventeen, and his beloved teacher had told him that ‘humans can be good or evil, demons can be good or evil,’ but the moment Luo Binghe turned out to be half demon, even though he’d just been fighting desperately trying to protect Shen Qingqiu, that teacher he trusted more than anything immediately turned on him, stabbed him in the chest, and threw him into hell.

That’s agonizing!!!! Even without the aftermath, that’s agonizing to read! And when Luo Binghe comes back, years later, he’s upset, he’s hurt, he’s lonely, he’s still stinging from that betrayal, of course he’s not making good decisions. I follow good blogs, because I haven’t seen any terrible Luo Binghe takes on my dash, but I’m kind of :c that these takes apparently exist. Again, it’s not that I think he makes good decisions, but I can see why he makes bad decisions, and I can see other characters missing that context, and I am rolling in terrible, glorious pain. Luo Binghe shows up secretly in Huan Hua Palace and starts taking it over and generally acts shady as heck? Well, Shizun wouldn’t let him beg for forgiveness when he was a disciple, and he’s afraid to face Shen Qingqiu until he can meet him on a semi-equal footing. Luo Binghe gets angry and spiteful when Shen Qingqiu asks if he’s responsible for the sowers? Yes he does! He’d always, always tried to do right by Shen Qingqiu, and trusted Shen Qingqiu when he said demons could be decent people, but the moment he turned out to be half-demon, Shen Qingqiu immediately started expecting the worst from him at every turn. It hurts! I don’t blame him for acting on that hurt! And I am so endlessly compelled by the way that Shen Qingqiu completely fails to recognize the context for where Binghe is coming from.

And like... I cannot leave out Xue Yang and Jin Guangyao. Xue Yang is fascinating in his own way, because the steps are... a lot more explicit and clear-cut than some of these other characters. Shen Jiu’s downward spiral is very internal and he curls up tight to hide his weak spots even with the person who values him most in the whole world, but Xue Yang very plainly tries to lay out his reasoning for his most important person. His whole world is crumbling by the time things reach that point, and it was probably beyond salvaging, but god! He tries so hard to explain the position the world placed him in, from childhood onward, helpless and vulnerable, and that nobody was going to defend him except himself. 

But when Xiao Xingchen doesn’t understand what he’s trying to communicate, when he realizes that the person he values most isn’t willing to hear what he’s trying to say, he starts lashing out again and trying to hurt. It’s the same lesson he learned when he was young, in some ways. ‘If I’m stupid enough to trust you, you’re going to use that to hurt me.’ And then the logical next step, ‘If you’re going to hurt me, all I can do is try to hurt you worse.’ You can see the trauma playing out right there on the page, and it’s agonizing. I can understand some people not enjoying reading things that make them hurt that way, but I have trouble Getting it when people don’t at least find that kind of dynamic compelling as hell. I’ll sometimes avoid media that I know is going to make me sad, but if I’m in the mood to Experience Sadness, I know a dynamic like this is going to grab me by the heart and shake me like a ragdoll.

And... Jin Guangyao. He was on my mind too, partly because I’ve seen a few takes on his motivations lately that honestly kind of baffle me? Like, to each their own, especially since mdzs never takes us inside his head. But I see posts that like... he was bullying Nie Mingjue, or what if Lan Xichen could Tell he was never genuine and mistrusted him on some level, and how to put this. It’s not that I agree with the choices he made, though I really don’t want to play fandom purity police in any way, shape, or form (murder is good, actually), but I understand the choices he made enough that those sort of interpretations that skew towards the cruelty-for-the-sake-of-cruelty territory honestly kind of upset me.

There’s some interesting comparisons to be made with Mu Qing, in some ways. They both grew up poor, without a father, in “shameful” single-parent situations (a sex worker mother vs. a father being executed for being a criminal). They were poor boys with ambition, but no matter how they tried to carry themselves with dignity, those poor beginnings were rubbed in their faces, years after the fact. I think it does make a real difference that Mu Qing’s shame is mostly based in his own history (sweeping floors) while Jin Guangyao’s is more external (son of a whore), and that Jin Guangyao’s also insulted a parent who he loved dearly, and that Mu Qing was seeking the respect outside of famiial structures while Jin Guangyao was desperate to be accepted by his father.

There’s so much of Jin Guangyao’s early life that’s like ‘I’m Just Trying To Live My Life, My Dude,’ and it hurts me to watch. He really didn’t have goals that were all that excessive! If his goals were excessive in some way, it’s only by virtue of how highly ranked his father was, which isn’t his fault. His goal: ‘I want my father to accept me into the family.’ What the world saw: “oh my god, this son of a whore SERIOUSLY wants to be brought into this noble family, lmaooooo.’ There are characters who are more compassionate than that, and a lot of that reaction is down to the nature of the setting, but LORD, man! It’s honestly a pretty restrained goal for a kid to have! Especially when his father totally promised to come back for him someday, and he waited patiently for years before setting out on his own.

And even once he gets kicked down the steps of Koi Tower and dials back his ambitions, he gets so little space to breathe. He’s learning cultivation late, he takes a position as a nobody in a different cultivation sect, he’s just trying to live. But no matter how he rolls with the punches, no matter how he smiles and bears it, he’s being constantly, constantly prodded in that old, painful bruise. I’ve been finally working my way through The Untamed, and it was painful to watch, in Gusu, when he’s trying to present the Nie Sect’s gift to Lan QIren, and people just start focking gossiping about him, right there, perfectly audibly. And when we see him back in Qinghe, he’s perfectly polite and deferential, and that one disciple is still like ‘fuck you, ur mom was a whore.’

He makes bad decisions, but even when he makes good decisions, he can’t win. I don’t get anything from him at all that suggests he had Hugely Lofty Ambitions from a young age, he just wanted some kind of decent life, but almost nobody would cut him a break. Nie Mingjue did cut him a break, and Lan Xichen was gentle and kind to him, and that made such an impact on him. But I also think it made it that much worse, when he made later questionable decisions, and Nie Mingjue refused to let him explain himself. Nie Mingjue’s rigidity breaks my heart in lots of ways, but especially when it comes to Jin Guangyao. I don’t want to make this all about personal attachment, but it’s kind of inescapable in this situation. Nie Mingjue sends him a loud, violent message that if he’s not perfectly morally upright, he’s Done. But by now, Jin Guangyao has years of history of people being cruel to him based on a history he never was able to control. Nie Mingjue protected him, but hes made it clear that protection was... conditional. There could be arguments about how conditional, and what the non-murdery limits would have been, but the murder has been done, and it was already clear that Nie Mingjue never had the power to protect him from everything.

I can’t read Jin Guangyao’s later actions without also reading that fear and insecurity into his decisions. He even tries to say it outright, that he’s afraid of everyone and everything, and Nie Mingjue misses the point. Jin Guangyao hurts me a lottle, because he suffers both in terms of the general public’s judgment of him, but also in the judgment of someone he cared deeply about. I can see the reasoning and trauma, but so many other people in the story can’t. Jin Guangyao gets pushed to the edge by how his father holds him at arm’s length from the family, the atrocities he tells Jin Guangyao to commit on his behalf (and then maybe I’ll treat you like my actual son, maybe), but when he tries to express that, Nie Mingjue is like ‘can’t you just endure more, though??’ He builds a temple with a statue with the face of his dead beloved mother, and the public is like ‘omg, he made that statue with his OWN FACE, can you believe it??’

In some ways, the way Lan Xichen determinedly loves and trusts him makes it all hurt even worse. I absolutely believe Jin Guangyao when he says that he never once wanted to act against Lan Xichen. So many of the terrible decisions Jin Guangyao makes tie so directly to him seeking either safety or security. But he works hard in social gatherings to keep the peace and people think he’s two-faced. He endures years of mistreatment before hitting back and people judge him for hitting back at all and say that well, what else could we have respected from someone with that background. Nie Mingjue threatens to kill him multiple times, and he was a very straightforward, honest man, of course Jin Guangyao was frightened of him and decided it was safer to see him dead. I live for the pain of seeing a character I love make decisions I strongly disagree with, understanding why they’re making those decisions, and seeing other characters not understand, and simply hate them for the decisions.

This isn’t exactly new, this is why I’ll never be able to shake my love for Starscream, even if his quality of motivation... varies by continuity. And Pharma and Prowl are two of my favorite characters in all of idw1 for exactly this reason. I’ve got  at least three fics brushing up against Pharma’s resentment over ‘yes, i got ordered to run a hospital on a garbage planet I was sharing the most violent, sadistic decepticons in existence, I SURE WONDER WHY I WAS DRIVEN TO THIS DESPERATE POINT, BUT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE THINKS I’M JUST A TERRIBLE PERSON, SO I GUESS THAT’S THAT.’ 

And in the murderbot books, I genuinely get reduced to tears when murderbot has to deal with people compassionately interpreting its behavior instead of giving it no credit, the way its used to. I find the raksura books intensely, intensely satisfying in how Moon struggles to fit into a highly social, close-knit society after growing up so traumatized and alone, and how his colony gradually adapts to him and gets used to his quirks, instead of driving him out, the way he’s experienced so many times. No real conclusion here, I was just spacing out during a work training call, and got overtaken by how much I love characters who experience this particular flavor of emotional isolation.

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

[kekisu]

TOP 5 CHARAS AND 5 REASONS WHY YOU LIKE THEM GO GO GO

AHHHH OKAY OKAY. I LITERALLY LIT UP WHEN I SAW THIS IN MY INBOX YOU HAVE NOOOO IDEA THANK YOU SO MUCH ah okay. i hope its ok if i leave it to just one or two of my fav things about them though cause NFHBGDF I DONT WANT THIS TO BE MILES LONG i hope you understand!!!!!

1. LIGHT YAGAMI

now. i dont think anybodys surprised. MFKSKFMFMHNGJN honestly, though i dont care about death note much at all anymore, hes like gum stuck to my shoe and i just cannot get him off no matter what i do. i tell myself that i dont give a fuck about anything in death note until i see him on my dash and i go apeshit. hes completely changed me and how i approach analyzing complex characters. i think hes the first character that ive ever actually cared about in that sense? the sense where i look into every detail about him i mean. its really just so fun...

my absolute favorite thing about him... i really love how funny he is. this isnt to say hes a humorous guy im saying hes funny as in he makes such stupid decisions and its hilarious to see him struggle so hard constantly. the entire ending of death note is fucking insane it sends me into laughing fits every time. theres so many funny moments in death note despite it being considered a psychological horror animanga because of him being a genuine fucking idiot 24/7. hes supposed to be a genius but he truly does lack so much self awareness sometimes.

if you wanna know more of my thoughts in depth, i have an analysis of him here that you can check out :) ID LOVE FEEDBACK ON IT so if you disagree with me or have questions etc feel free to shoot an ask and ill try to answer!!!!!

2. GORO AKECHI

god... hes perfect. he and light are on the same level of favoritism for me, dont let the numbers fool you. hes hands down my absolute favorite in persona 5 and it blows my mind knowing that the majority of the fandom feels the exact opposite or are torn over him ITS ALMOST FRUSTRATING because its mostly due to the amount of misinformation/mischaracterization spread about him!!!! but no he just happens to be the best written character in that piece of shit of a game! MFDKDHNGJJ AND PERSONA FANS CANT COMPREHEND GOOD WRITING

my favorite thing about him.. i love how hes written. and i know this sounds really basic and predictable, but its the truth i just really love his growth as a character, especially in royals third semester when he gets a chance to properly shine and oh my god! did he shine! hes literally so perfect in 3rd sem

theres just something so captivating about an angry teenager who truly thinks of his life as worthless and doesnt bother making bonds with others because of it who suddenly finds himself questioning his choices of self isolation when he finally meets a group of people he can resonate with and feel seen by. a group of people who are willing to reach out and listen to him despite his past mistakes. theres just something so perfect about seeing that same angry teenager want to take his life into his own hands and strive to grow... that same angry teenager who didnt value his own life start to see meaning in things because of bonds...

i love goro so so much he makes me so emotional if it isnt obvious enough NGFHGDGBDFH I THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT. i think about him healing so much.

(btw im working on an analysis for him atm thats similar to lights so! stay tuned for that dropping when its done in like a million years NFHFBGFHDBGHF)

3. AKIRA KURUSU

DAMN 2 PERSONA 5 CHARACTERS IN A ROW

OKAY SO i know Technically akira is supposed to be a blank slate silent protagonist but let me tell you THATS SO FAR FROM WHAT HE ACTUALLY IS. IM NEVER FORGIVING ATLUS FOR TRYING TO SHOVE HIM INTO THE SILENT PROTAG BOX AND NOT LETTING HIM BE HIS OWN CHARACTER! BECAUSE HE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE AMAZINGGGGG ugh sorryfor caps im so fuckng mad MKDFKMGMHMGMG

it really does get on my nerves how because of atlus trying to make him a silent protag, the majority of the p5 fandom sees him as that. blank slate. nothing. when in reality he very much has a ton of spunk and id argue that hes his own character entirely if you just look a little deeper past the surface Like... its not even that hard to see personality in him. beneath the mask is literally his theme song, have you Not seen the lyrics to that? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE ENTIRE THEME OF THE GAME? this little dude is so traumatized and angry at those who wronged him (aka the justice system! shitty adults!) and people have the nerve to say hes the worst persona protagonist? lmfao

my favorite thing about akira is how he looks like a cat and how cocky and annoying he can be.. he is such a jokester hes the absolute dumbest. i enjoy this silly guy. *holds him under the armpits like a longcat*

4. SHIGEO KAGEYAMA

ahhh mob. he makes me do this -> :)

mp100, of course, changed my fucking life. mp100 is the reason i am the way i am and though all the characters are incredibly relatable and memorable and i cherish them so dearly, i, like most people, cherish mob the absolute most. seriously his strength really is incredible and though hes just a fictional character he is so inspiring and i wish to carry as much gentleness in my heart as he does.

im so so proud of him on his development he started off so.. i wouldnt say he was weak, but i would say that he lacked experience. he lived in his own little bubble not knowing what the world was like and throughout the story he grew to learn so much.. he learned to make such. mature decisions at such a young age. hes so so wise. hes so powerful not only because of his psychic powers but because of his compassion for others. he can befriend even the worst of people...

my favorite thing about him is his determination to become the best version of himself he can be. and also his relationship with ritsu (not me, i mean ritsu kageyama <3) i always gravitate towards siblings in fiction because im an only child and well <3 i dont experience that. so i like projecting onto them GHBFBBHFG they care so much for each other.. sniffle sniffle

5. RYO ASUKA

ok im going to be real even though im into devilman i dont have much of a reason to enjoy him this much. i just think hes hilarious and really cool and his satan form gives me gender envy. i love it when he commits random easily avoidable acts of violence for no reason at all its just because he wants to. and thats just fine. i think he can kill people and get away with it because hes ryo asuka. gay rights

[fortunefavorsthebrave-dude]

i don’t even know what to say about gaim. i really don’t. that’s not gonna stop me from making a post about it but like. what. under a cut bc i’m writing a novel over here.

okay my first thought is that i still really enjoyed most of gaim. i don’t think the ending took that away from me mostly because the last five episodes or so made me check out so hard and so fast it literally felt like watching a different show. even then there were still a few good character moments in the end that i’m glad i watched, especially from jonouchi, oren, and takatora who are all big faves. 

the last episode i’m so so so torn on bc i still like the idea of ending it at 46 with a little less certainty but there is something undeniably There about ending with hope. if i had to wager a guess at the theme of gaim, i think that would be it. hope, despite the absolute fucking worst that comes at you (and it was the worst! it was the worst.). and not just hope but this concept of carrying on, of everything continuing and evolving, just maybe not in the way you expected or planned. i do like that.

i 100% get and agree with the madoka comparisons. like gaim started out being something and the last few episodes were just beat for beat madoka. tell another story please mr urobuchi you were almost there.

actually i think the thing that’s sticking in my head the most is micchy which is surprising me. i want to talk about micchy so bad but idk what i even want to say about him. i still feel like he was missing something somewhere and he did some undoubtedly heinous things but i do still feel sympathy for him and i was happy to see him have a chance to live with what he did. i feel like i should unpack that in some way but idek how to start.

i didn’t mind mai being the golden apple necessarily until it started getting into what that entailed. i think that the concept of putting it in someone else is fine on its own, but the execution. no ma’am. what’s especially disappointing is, because of the nature of time travel stuff, this was one beat that was planned from the start. disappointing.

i wish kaito had been something. i really do. i feel like he had such a clear path set up at the beginning and then the writers just did nothing good with it. maybe i’m just biased bc i love him dearly and i was waiting for that one last baby step into full villain decay redemption arc and it never came. they kind of gave it to micchy instead which is. wild. bc micchy did way worse things for way longer than kaito did. kaito was really just a villain for the dancing part at the beginning, then moved into more morally ambiguous, and they had such a good thread with him and mai and his connection to zawame and then they slam dunked it in the trash. like i was really expecting him to end up as an “i want to be strong to reverse what the previously strong have done to this city that i love” kind of character. not fully a selfless protector like kouta, but someone who was willing to do awful things to put zawame right again, and maybe burn himself out in the process. they allllllmost got there, but instead he went full wacko and decided to do a genocide instead, then had his 30th consecutive lost fight and died. seriously kaito gets the shit kicked out of him in almost every fight which is SO funny considering he’s the strength guy. another example of these kind of weird character choices that don’t quite click for me.

also i still stand by kaito/mai WAS cute and WOULD HAVE BEEN cute had they not done. y’know. that with it. like why take the time to build up those interactions if you’re just gonna force the issue to no end in the finale. 

uhhh lemme just run down the list now actually. oren good. jonouchi good. takatora good. no complaints with their character arcs honestly they were fun the whole time. ryoma lived and died exactly as he should have and was a delight the entire time. sid and yoko just got so fucking boring i truly did not care when they died. dj sagara rules. i don’t even think i fully get his deal, i just love whatever the fuck he’s doing. wild man. zack living was one of the only good things that happened in the last few eps. peko is also very cute idk i haven’t talked about them much but they’re cool dudes. the rest of team gaim is also there idk i have no strong feelings about them either way. 

oh also the fact that the very last episode was based around a movie i did Not watch certainly didn’t earn it any points, but again i did like the character moments and i liked the tone of the episode so i’ll forgive it i guess. certainly not the worst thing gaim has done to me.

last thing i think and then i’m gonna go eat dinner which i didn’t do in favor of finishing gaim first: yuuya’s appearance and kouta’s first man appearance have to be linked in some way right. something about the hair especially just really struck me idk it seems like a parallel but i’m not smart enough to string it together coherently.

[onelichtwolich]

meta for lup coming to terms with how this whole isola situation is different from what she's used to, and maybe dealing with change in general?

mmkay, i’m gonna tackle this now, i think. at 5 in the morning. that seems wise of me, LMAO. so.

the thing about being in a situation where you were supposed to go on a space mission for two months, but it’s lasted 98 fucking years, is that… …as horrible as things get sometimes? i do think there’s kind of a routine to it. as traumatizing as it was to lose Twosun, as awful as it is to deal with the Hunger tirelessly every time, as many times as she and the crew have had to die and reset again like nothing ever happened… …it’s also something you just fall into, like… …okay, this is the deal now. she’s never… quite been able to stomach losing Taako as well as the rest of the crew, which is the reason for such a low death count; she’s always, always protected him to the best of her ability, sometimes sacrificing herself in his place. even losing Barry is easier, in part because–they both have such a weird relationship with death in the first place, and he does in particular, so she’s not as worried about him. but.

even though it’s by no means a comfortable situation, they’re all super duper used to it. more than that, they’re family, so any loss experienced, while super painful at first and sometimes shocking in the beginning–can be soothed by knowing there are other people on this ship who care just as much as you do, who are here for you in different ways. and she’s hella comfortable around all of them, to the point where if literally any of ‘em walked in on her in the shower she wouldn’t even flinch. you get so fucking comfortable with folks you’ve known for almost a whole century of your life, dude. those six other people? they know her better and she knows them better than anyone else in this multiverse, because they had to get familiar and get along, and their bonds with one another literally power the ship.

so when you take that away.

when there’s a break in the cycles, when suddenly there’s… …well, there’s no Hunger, which is an upside. it’s nice not to be dealing with a cosmic horrorterror devouring worlds and feeding off of and creating bad vibes. but that also means there’s no Light to pursue, which means… …there’s no Starblaster. for Lup, that means no family. it’s a break in a routine that for some reasons was highly unpleasant and traumatic and scary, but it’s also–it also means she doesn’t have her family. and forming that makeshift family is not something Lup can take lightly.

growing up, it was like… the twins’ parents died. they went to stay with folks who then also died, so by the time they were both twelve they were homeless and all they had was one another. and shit got really, truly awful. cold bitter winters with no roof over their heads and one or both of them getting sick. working desperately at caravan after caravan as cooks because that’s what their aunt taught them, but not all of those folks were nice or forgiving with kids. and sometimes that wasn’t enough gold, so they both had side jobs (won’t go into Taako’s, it’s not relevant, but Lup’s was specifically fighting in an underground ring and going up against folks more than twice her size as this scrappy young thing). thieving and getting into mischief. it wasn’t a good life? but they had each other. he’d tend to her bruises and scrapes; she’d help him with his own damages. things were bad, but it was okay, because they were all they had in this world.

“outcast but never alone.”

so adding more people to that outfit, when they’d both come from such a place of trauma, was… …interesting and unexpected to say the least. it took Taako much longer–cycles even–to accept that it wasn’t just them vs the world anymore, that he could trust these jamokes. Lup warmed up quicker and she was actually the one to help reassure him, time and time again, that no matter what happened they had each other, and the world? was good. was worth saving, despite everything they’d been through. hell, she was the one who wanted to go to space–had such a huge passion for it and arcana that carried her through the Academy. Taako p much just naturally aced stuff because he was wicked smart and refused to let her go alone because he didn’t want her to die. LMAO. she’s always been the one reassuring him and smiling for him and being strong for him. but because of all this, taking on… …new family? between the two of them? that’s a huge fucking deal, when all your previous family has gone, when you’ve learned that the only people you can rely on are each other.

family is Lup’s most sacred concept. elevated above all else. family means the world, and calling you her family is the highest honor. maybe it was naive, but… …even after losing Twosun, she had gained this new family. they had each other, no matter what happened.

and then. she came to Isola.

and lost that which she thought she’d never lose, could never lose:

Taako.

no matter what losses Lup has endured, Taako’s been there through all of ‘em. they’ve been inseparable since before birth. he’s her heart, he’s her twin, her other half. he’s so grounding for her that he’s one of the reasons she could become a lich without losing her tether to herself. he’s kept her going, fighting, smiling, laughing, held her, taken care of her, for so fucking long. for their entire lives.

he’s not here to help her with this one.

Lup has lost so fucking much in her life. one loss after another. her whole life has been an exercise in impermanence. but this is the loss she can’t handle. so she’s kind of having a breakdown right now. it manifests itself erratically, sporadically, in different ways. she’s not thinking clearly and kind of just throwing herself into this idea that–it’ll be okay. she’s not gonna find him here (she knows that now after talking to Susie and learning he was here two fucking years ago), but that means he’s safe, and if this place is a prison and everyone around her is stuck there, she’s going to try her damndest to do what she usually does and try to get people out, and work hard in the meantime (if she blends in and works at Ashe’s restaurant, the captors may be less suspicious). i don’t know if she’ll ever realize how futile that is. she might not ever, just because–that might break her. but i guess we’ll see, honestly.

dying is going to be… …hard for her. a new reset. i think about it a lot and i’m pretty sure i know how the first one is going to happen (she’s super determined to figure out the boundaries of this place and what ‘unpleasant side effects’ are). she’s used to dying and resetting, but… …with her family. with her home and her heart.

this change? this is the worst one she’s ever been through, and given her track record, that’s saying something.

but that’s also why i think forming new relationships here, like ones with Ashe and Kay, is so important to her wellbeing. she needs family. she needs softness. she needs people to care about, to protect, but more than she’ll ever admit she needs them to do that for her. and thank fuck for Barry Bluejeans, because i don’t even want to know what a Lup without him would look like in this place, and i don’t want to know. her love for him kept her grounded as a lich, too. and it’s probably her biggest, strongest, most important tether in this place.

she’s always had to be the one to give pep talks when they’re in the shit. to smile when people are losing faith. to keep fighting because that fire in her burns so bright and to stay strong for everyone.

but the people she was doing that for, who helped her do it? are mostly gone. so she just has all this to deal with now. she’s gonna have to come to terms with her pain. with trauma. and she’s gonna try to run like hell from it at all costs.

she can build a new life here. a new family again. but it’s gonna take time.

SO YEAH, WOW SORRY THAT WAS SO RAMBLY BUT I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS. THANKS FOR SENDING THIS IN JOTH I LOVE U DEARLY.

[radishearts]

Confession week: ladynoir july

Ao3

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9,  Chapter 10,  Chapter 11, Chapter 12, 

day 4 still part 13 : sick day- 

“Your getting married.”

“I’m sorry i must have heard, we’re underage, she’s like fourteen!”

“So? my ship must prevail.”

“Child no...i don’t like her like that, besides she has a thing for chat.”

“I do not.”

Viperon gave her ‘the eyebrows’.

“This is not on the table for discussion.” the akuma shouted

Suddenly the doors burst open, the seven heroes standing in instagram worthy poses.

“Sorry to be cliche, but this wedding can not commence!” chat said, smiling smugly to himself.

LB dropped everything and ran down the aisle.

“Your alive!” she whispered embracing him in a hug. “ I knew you would come,  you took your pretty time.”

“Dramatic flair m’lady, remember theatrical are extremely important.”

“Of course they are.”

Chat pulled her away from the hug, gripping her shoulders.

“Are you ok, they didn’t hurt you?”

“The worst thing they did was put me in this gown.”

“Like I always say, you have impeccable taste in style, my lady.”

The akuma walked down the aisle, pulling  them apart, eyeing chat down making him just slightly fearful for his life.

“Shall we get back to the ceremony ladybug.”

“Why do I have to get married.”

“Finish the story. The princess always marries the prince.”

It must of been a rare occasion because the dragoness spoke up for once at the injustice.

“May I remind you of merrida, mulan, elsa, not all problems can be solved by marriages.”

“You have a fair point, but this is my story I'm writing, and the princess shall marry her prince.”

“But he’s not MY prince.”

“Then what would you suggest then?.”

“Someone I actually know for starters, someone i have inside jokes with , someone i’ve trusted completely since day one, someone who knows me properly. No offense viperon!”

Vperon gave her a smile and fingerguns.  

“And who would that be?” the akuma asked

“My favorite furry?”

“He’s no prince.”

“Actually he’s mine.” she paused looking at everyone's shocked expression. “As in he’s my prince, that's all….”

Literally everyone in the room gave her THAT look.

“Oh come one guys, you know what I meant.”

“Oh we know what you meant very well ladybug.”

“Shut up.”

“It’s your choice then, but by midnight i want a marriage.”

“By midnight?”

“Don’t question it. And do remember the ball is commencing quite soon.”

Ladybug bit her lip and looked up at chat, who gave her a sly grin and scooped her up, carrying her bridal style out of the hall.

“Chat-tton, put me down.”

“Princesses do not walk but are carried.”

“Chat i swear.”

“Swear what, that you love me?”

Ladybugs blue pupils grew wider at his suggestion.

“I don’t.”

“Sure you don’t!” the heroes chorused.

“It’s 7 to 1 m’lady, your out numbered.”

“I thought you said you would never fight against me.”

“Lover not a fighter?”

“Touche.”

“Ahem.” rena coughed” yeah sorry to interrupt you flirting but what exactly are we going to do? It’s not like you can just call in sick and leave your problems behind and just do netflix and chill.”

Chat and ladybug exchanged looks.

“Get married” the dragoness said, “ if she wants a marriage give her one.”

“You can’t marry someone you just met.”

“You cAN IF iT’s true loVe.” nino shouted making them burst into laughter.

Chat put ladybug down.

“Look, it’s  gonna be fake anyway, but it’ll get the akuma off her tail with this marriage thing.”

“You're literally 14, you can’t get married!”

“You can if it was fake, besides it will just be like friends getting married, the marriage of friendship. I remember getting married to a friend of mine when I was in grade two by another friend, it was funny if you think about it.”

“So your going to fake getting married.”

“If this is anything like fake dating i’ve read enough fanfictions to know it will end up in you professing your undying  love for each other.” rena joked

“Do shut up.” ladybug

“Who’s going to ‘marry’ you two then?” carapace asked.

“You, your the turtle.”

“I don’t know what the words for holy matrimony are?”

“Then go to the library and find a book, rena go with him.we’re going to try and make this as believable as possible.”

They nodded and headed off into the castle.

“Queen bee, roi singe, pegasus go find some flowers in the garden and you can just-uhh…”

“I don’t stand for this type of thing i’ll go find viperon.”

“Oh-kay?”

“What are we going to do m’lady?”

“We’re going to discuss the rest of the plan for defeating the akuma.”

She patted the bench seat next to her and he followed suit.

- “Carapace, what is taking you so long?”

“I can’t find any books on friendship matrimony.”

Rena cackled and clicked her tongue.

“Sometimes your such a dork, there aren’t any books on the marriage of friendship, because it’s not a thing!”

She grabbed a book from the shelf and hit him on the head with it lightly.

“That's only going to kill brain cells.” he joked

“This will do, now recite some lines, but do a little nino revamp to make it...interesting.”

- “Will roses do? Or will she prefer tulips?” chloe asked

“Honestly I don't think she cares.” roi singe said picking literally any flower he found.

“There’s a 90% chance ladybug will not be caring about the decorations as she’s probably more focused on her quote end quote ‘platonic friend’.”

“Aka ‘platonic friends with benefits’.”

“What do you mean?” chloe asked

“I’m saying she probably kisses him all the time.”

“I doubt it, the probability of that happening is low.”

“Like the nerd said, ladybug doesn't just go kissing him, she didn’t even consider him until this ‘confession week’ thingy began.”

- The group of them had assembled except for viperon and the dragoness.

It was just like a normal one .

Yet the weirdest thing any of them had experienced.

Queen bee walked up the path they had made throwing petals up in the air, it seemed she couldn’t be enthusiastic if  her life depended on it.

Carapace stood behind the bench, a replacement for an alter gripping the  book like is was the fate of the world.

Rena played a remix version of ‘here comes the bride’ on her flute as ladybug strolled down the aisle roi singe accompanying her.

Chat stood smugly in front of the turtle , doing the most over accentuated bow in history, to beat him ladybug did a spin and curtsy and to stop a full out civil war from occurring  over a simple gesture of courtesy, carapace  cleared his throat and began.

“Dearly beloved brethren, we are gathered here today to thank ladybug and chat noir for there services and saving our buts from absolute peril as we pull of yet another crazy scheme to beat another akuma, simultaneously saving Paris and the whole world.”

He took a deep breath.  

“We are also gathered at this definitely not fake wedding to unite our otp, who after flirting with each other for months, have finally opted to declare their love and once again save our thirsty shipping souls from dying of second hand embarrassment over your banter.”

He continued.

“That was just a  friendly reminder, that everyone here, in Paris and the world ships you two together and we are still WAITING on a certain cat to fulfill his promise on confession week.”

Chat smiled sheepishly,

“All good things come to those who wait.”

he continued.

“So my dudes, do you take each other to be married?”

“Yep.” ladybug said popping the p,

“The day came sooner then expected but yeah sure.”

“Well my dudes, that concludes this holy matrimony! YEET!” he threw the book across the courtyard, kim catching it like it was a football.

Yeah, this had to be THE weirdest thing they had done to defeat an akuma, and something told them it was only going to be weirder.

“Oh and you may now kiss zee bride.” carapace added slyly.

Ladybug blushed, but chat just took her hand and brushed her knuckles with a kiss, running after carapace.

That left ladybug stunned.

Why didn’t he take the opportunity to kiss her. Either he was being a gentleman or he was playing at something.

Right now she didn’t know which one.

@ladynoirjuly2019 

[asiryn]

alright.........i finished kh3. so here’s some Thoughts. still gonna put behind a cut, and obvs there will be spoilers there.

so, to try to maintain some coherency, i’m gonna split this up into Good and Bad sections. we’ll start with the Bad, so i can let the salt out, and this post can end on a positive note. XD

The Bad:

some of these are more minor things, and some are.....much bigger, and are actually weakening the strength of the game and the conclusion, imo. so i’m gonna work my way up, from least to most Bothersome.

- the fact that eraqus apologized to ven and aqua, but not terra..........like wooooow, fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you know, i was actually considering forgiving you a little bit for a second, but lolololol noooooope!!!!!!!!!!! not anymore!!!!!!!!!!! you fucked up terra even worse than the other two (which yes, damn right you should apologize to them, particularly ven), and really, you are the root cause of him falling into xehanort’s clutches in the first damn place, and you don’t apologize to him?????????? FUCK YOU ERAQUS, YOU PIECE OF UTTER SHIT---

- the resolution with xehanort........like......it’s not bad, per se.........but like.........it’s the tiniest bit of a stretch to me. like..........oh okay, dude, you are totes fine with MURDERING ERAQUS, but now that he asks you to stand down, you do??? when the fuck did you grow a heart and start caring about eraqus??? YOU FUCKING MURDERED HIM THE LAST TIME YOU WERE TOGETHER!!!!! LIKE, IF I CAN BRING MYSELF TO IGNORE THAT DETAIL, THEN THE SCENES WITH THEM WERE TOUCHING, BUT LIKE..........YOU. MURDERED. HIM. THE LAST TIME YOU SAW HIM!!!!!!!! BUT NAHHHH, LET’S JUST CONVENIENTLY IGNORE THAT DETAIL, IT’S FIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE ://///

- namine should have had more screen time, damn it :////// also, i can’t help but feel that aqua got shafted, and wasn’t nearly as powerful a fighter as she should have been ://

- i’m.......not really satisfied with what they did with vanitas? which was basically nothing, really. there wasn’t really any kind of resolution at all. :////

- that moment when everyone was consumed by the demon tide, leaving only sora and riku left, and sora falls to his knees, and is crying and screaming about how he’s all alone, his friends are his power, without them he’s nothing...........oh man, i was RAGING. 

SORA. RIKU IS RIGHT THE FUCK THERE, SO NO, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, YOUR BOYFRIEND BEST FRIEND IS STILL HERE, SO WHAT THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU ON ABOUT???????? LIKE, I WAS ACTUALLY SEETHING AT THIS, IT FELT SO FORCED AND CONTRIVED, AND HONESTLY OUT OF CHARACTER, BECAUSE SINCE WHEN DOES SORA GIVE UP??? ESPECIALLY WHEN HE STILL HAS RIKU??????????? AND LIKE..........EVERYTHING LEADING UP TO THIS MOMENT FELT FORCED AND CONTRIVED, OH SURE, LET’S HAVE THE MAJORITY OF US JUST.....FUCKING STAND AROUND DOING NOTHING, THAT’S COOL. 

but yeah.......sora saying that he was alone? wow, i was Screaming at him so much for that one, what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck writers. 😡😡😡

- so, onto the big one: absolutely everything to do with kairi

going into this game, she was in the top 3 of the characters i was most worried for, because i was worried that she wouldn’t be given the proper development that she’s deserved and been shafted away from for far too long. and boy was i right to be worried, bc this game, like pretty much every game that came before it, did her dirty. OH WOW LOOK, KAIRI’S A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS AGAIN! OH LOOK, SHE GETS FUCKING KILLED OFF TWICE FOR SORA’S MANPAIN!!!! AND SHE DOESN’T EVEN TRY TO FIGHT BACK AGAINST XEMNAS OR XEHANORT, DESPITE THE FACT THAT THIS WAS THE WHOLE GODDAMN POINT OF GIVING HER A KEYBLADE IN THE FIRST DAMN PLACE, AND WHY SHE GOT PUT INTO A POCKET DIMENSION WITH AXEL WHERE TIME DOESN’T EXIST SO THAT THEY COULD HAVE AS MUCH TIME AS THEY NEEDED TO BE PROPERLY TRAINED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIKE..........FUCKING REALLY??????????????????????????????

also, sora going off alone to save her at the end..........what the actual fuck. again, they keep trying to force sokai as being soooo important, but guess what? it’s forced and awkward and inorganic, and after the game series i’ve played? i do not fucking believe that she is the person that sora loves above all others. even though the writers had their chances, over and over and over again, to develop their relationship, to make it grow and deepen it, they never fucking did, not even in this game!!!!!! and sora has way more believable romantic chemistry with riku and namine than he’s ever had with kairi, especially riku. you know, the relationship that you ACTUALLY took the time to develop over the entire series? the relationship that you CANONICALLY had “dearly beloved”, the main theme of the entire series, become the song of their hearts? let me tell you, there’s a real cognitive dissonance, looking at the title screen art of sora with the paopu fruit from kairi, while listening to the CANONICAL soriku love song.

so this ending, where sora’s willing to leave RIKU of all ppl behind? wow, that sounds fake, but okay. also, why in the hell is riku letting sora go alone??????? why can’t they both go together? (also: eternally salty that we STILL have not ever really gotten a scene of the destiny trio having any kind of genuine friendly interaction. the closest we ever got was in twtnw in kh2, when kairi helped sora to see riku in asod’s body. yeah, you’re really selling the MAIN trio as friends, here. ://////////)

and like.................THIS is the conclusion i’ve waited ten years for??? sora abandoning all the people he loves and all the friends that he’s actually had meaningful interactions with, for the person he barely remembers as existing half the time? fucking really?? 

and again, this wouldn’t be so bad, if they had JUST ACTUALLY TAKEN THE TIME TO DEVELOP SOKAI AND KAIRI AS A CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAD AN ENTIRE SERIES!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAD THIS ENTIRE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!! SORA AND KAIRI COULD HAVE BEEN TALKING ON THE PHONE AT THE VERY GODDAMN LEAST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU COULD HAVE DONE IT, AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP AND THE ENDING, BUT YOU FUCKING DIDN’T NOMURA, AND I LEGIT DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU KEEP ACTING LIKE THE FOUNDATION IS ALREADY THERE, SO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SAY “THEY’RE IN LOVE” AND HAVE IT BE BELIEVABLE, BUT YOU FUCKING DIDN’T BUILD THAT FOUNDATION AT ALL, SO INSTEAD IT JUST FALLS FLAT, AND FEELS UNBELIEVABLY FORCED, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU JUST TOSS ASIDE THE RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU ACTUALLY TOOK THE TIME TO DEVELOP LIKE IT WAS NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- no i lied, the actual worst part of this game: SORA DIDN’T FUCKING THANK NAMINE FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY ACTUALLY HAD AN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THE PROMISE, AND SORA TOLD HER THAT HE WANTED TO DO IT RIGHT, BUT THEN HE DIDN’T GET THE CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOMURA, YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON, YOU PROMISED US AN EMOTIONAL PAYOFF FROM THE SECOND FUCKING GAME, AND YOU STILL DIDN’T DELIVER!!!!!!!!!!!! AND EVEN IF YOU CONSIDER THE THANKING HER PART OF IT FULFILLED, THE FULL PROMISE WAS THAT THEY WERE GOING TO BE FRIENDS FOR REAL, AND THAT DEFINITELY HASN’T REALLY HAPPENED, AND I. AM. SO. FUCKING. FURIOUS. IF I EVER MEET YOU IN PERSON, I AM GOING TO BREATHE FIRE ON YOU. WHATEVER KINGDOM HEARTS GAME YOU MAKE NEXT, OR WHATEVER NEXT ARC THE SERIES HAS OR WHAT FUCKING EVER, IF SORA DOESN’T EVER GET THE CHANCE TO FULFILL HIS PROMISE TO NAMINE, I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS. 😡😡😡🔪🔪🔪🔪

okay. okay. i’m calming down from my rage. i’m breathing. onto the good! bc there was a lot of it! 

The Good:

also known as, the part where i drowned in my own tears:

- the akurokushi reunion was absolutely everything i’d ever wanted it to be, it was beautiful and everything hurt 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

- the tervenaqua reunion was just as good 😭😭😭

(everyone was crying, and i was crying along with them 😭)

- so what i’m getting from the finale arc, is that namine is, once again, the true mvp of this goddamn team, and literally everyone would be lost without her. when they wound up back in time, facing terranort again, she’s the one who summoned the lingering will there to save them, AND I FUCKING LOVE HER, AND SHE DESERVED SO MUCH MORE SCREEN TIME THAN SHE GOT :/

- also, when the lingering will showed up, i was cheering so hard. lol, terra beating the shit out of his own possessed body, round two XDD

- it was a nice moment, when all the keyblades from the wielders of the past war, ending up helping out 

- everything about repliku ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

- wow, luxord’s last moment hit me right in the feels, and is a perfect example of why i love him so much. fair and honorable to the end, and him saying that he’d like to meet up with sora and basically be friends as just people? pls just keep stabbing me in the heart, thanks

- marly thanking sora??? THANKS SATAN

(fuck, the majority of the true org didn’t even want to be there, and honestly, that just makes everything even sadder :////)

- larxene!!!!!!!!! man, i love her. complaining about losing to sora, but then saying that it’s not the worst that could happen, bc being a container for “that old geezer? pass.” LOVE. and then saying that she was just there for someone else, but told sora that it was her secret to keep on who it is......TELL ME, LARXENE!!!! 

- XION WAS A MEMBER OF THE TRUE ORG????????? HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

- BUT HER PROTECTING AXEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO, AXEL’S SASS AT XEMNAS WAS LIFE-AFFIRMING 

- ROXAS SWOOPING IN TO SAVE HIS FRIENDS, BASICALLY EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS TRIO, WOW WHY WAS I GIVEN EMOTIONSSSSSSSS

- ALSO, GETTING TO TEAM UP WITH ROXAS AND XION, LOVING THIS SONG 👌👌👌

- THAT SCENE WITH AXEL AND SAIX!!!!!!!!!!! AXEL HOLDING SAIX IN HIS ARMS (WOW, THERE’S A LOT OF GAY GOING AROUND HERE), SAIX SAYING THAT HE WAS JEALOUS OF ROXAS AND XION, PROMISING TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN, AHHHHHHH

- WELL, I FINALLY GOT MY EXPLANATION FOR WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO TERRA’S HEART. SO, XEHANORT DID SUCCEED IN TAKING TERRA’S HEART OUT OF HIS BODY IN THAT FINAL BATTLE WITH AQUA, AND THAT DARK GUARDIAN HE HAD WAS TERRA’S HEARTLESS ALL ALONG, AND HE SAVED AQUA AND VEN AS A HEARTLESS AND CONFRONTED TERRANORT, AND SORA HELPED HIM REGAIN HIS BODY AGAIN, YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS EVERYTHING IS GOOD

- i.....actually really like the conclusion they had for ansem seeker of darkness? he was actually kinda proud of riku, and i just ended up feeling sad for him. 

- i fucking loved that sora called xehanort out, and told him that restarting the world wasn’t his decision to make

- ISA’S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HE AND AKUROKUSHI AND HAYNER, PENCE, AND OLETTE ALL GOT TO HAVE ICE CREAM TOGETHER ON THE CLOCK TOWER!!!!!!!! AND THEY ALL GOT PICKED UP TO HANG OUT IN DESTINY ISLANDS!!!!!!!!!!

- NAMINE’S RETURN, YESSSSSSSSSS BBYYYYYYYYYY (also, i do ship namiku a tiny bit, so i like the moment that they had)

- XION AND NAMINE HANGING OUT IN DESTINY ISLANDS TOGETHER!!!!

- ALSO, XION, AXEL, ISA, AND ALL THE NEW CLOTHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- well.......idk what’s up with whatever the secret ending is teasing us for, but at least sora and riku are in proximity to each other, and will be together again, i guess. the gays will prevail

okay, i think that’s it for now. i might make more posts as more thoughts come to me, but i think this is quite long enough already XDD

[moczothe1st]

Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War, Part 26: The Julius Formerly Known as Prince

Part 25

Welcome back to Fire Emblem IV! Last week we had started our invasion of Grannvale, coming up to it through the southern Miletos district, and in so doing got to smack the crap out of Tinni’s crazy aunt, who unfortunately managed to get away.  These things happen.  This week, we have to start off by opening the gates that will allow us to proceed north to Miletos itself.  

I’m just gonna say, if you guys wanna stop now, I’m down for that. How about we just move in to Hilda’s old torture castle and set up there? Do we really need to beat the Empire?

Yes?

Shit.  

Ah, well.

Well, to start, we need to take Rados castle, which is thankfully unoccupied after we killed all its inhabitants last week. It’s cool, they were gross people.  Though first, I have Ced grab the village right north of it…

Behind the Times: Not so long ago, from what I hear, Emperor Arvis himself forbade ‘em. What the devil could’ve changed his mind? Please, I’m begging you, you’ve gotta save our children! Here, this magic ring oughta help you out.

Niiiiiiiiiiice. This pushes Ced’s magic above the 30-point cap, leaving him even more of a killing machine that he already is.  Dude doesn’t even have a holy weapon, he’s just raw badass. Cairpre also continues his path to minor godhood.  

This kid was level one on the last map, and he’s going to be promoted and breaking skulls right along with the rest of the kids next map. I’m so proud of him.  

Seliph, take the castle and set the story going, my man!

(Yeah, but he had to be a man named Morrigan, so who really suffered the most?)

Seliph: How could they… how could anyone be so savage…?

Lewyn: And that’s why we’ve got to fight this war to the end, Seliph. This is something you’ve got to understand.

(OKAY WE GET IT JEEZ STOP PESTERING ME DAD)

Lewyn: This is the way of the Loptyr Empire. There’s no place at all for the good-hearted… Now, it shouldn’t be too long before the gate to Miletos opens for us.  

(…. Why…?)

Lewyn: What’s your next move, Seliph?

Seliph: Needless to say, we must march on Miletos. We can’t afford to rest while those children are still at risk. Or Julia, for that matter.

Lewyn: Good. And after that, Grannvale awaits!

(OH FUCK IT’S ISHTAR)

(Oh, and also Arvis. Man, you have not aged well, buddy. I’d feel bad for you, but you know… the rape and murder and stuff.)

Arvis: Listen, Ishtar. Release the captive children.  I know you care no more for these foul deeds than I do.

Ishtar: My apologies, sir, but I’m on Prince Julius’s-

Arvis: Pay Julius no mind. I’ll be having a word with him soon.

(Funny story, bro, he said the same thing about you last week, and I’m a bit more scared of him at this point.)

Ishtar: But…

Arvis: This is an order from your emperor, Ishtar! Has Julius bent you such that you will no longer listen to the word of your liege?!

Ishtar: N-no. Never, your majesty…

(Speak of the [Literal?] Devil.)

Arvis: Julius! How dare you-

Julius: Why, Father, it almost sounds as if you still don’t know any better! Old age must be dulling that once-brilliant mind of yours. Why not retire before it grows still feebler? Unless… ohohohoho! Don’t tell me you still seriously believe that you can banish me?

Arvis:  … No. I know better than to try something so futile again. I… have no further objection.

Julius: That’s better. Now, then. Begone! Return to your post and haunt my sight no more. Defending Chalphy is crucial, so don’t fail me for once in your sorry life, Father.  

(Daaaaaaaaaaaamn, son, you just got burned.  Or should that be Julienned?)

Arvis: Y-yes, Julius. At once…

(God, it’s like every creeper left in the game is all gathering in this one castle to see who can be most sleazy. If Hilda shows up, I’m going to need to stop to take a shower.)

Manfroy: Never would you think this wretch, now clinging only to the ghost of a crown, was once the most powerful man in Jugdral.  

Julius: Ah, Manfroy. Where’s Julia? Have you restored her memory yet?

Manfroy: Your dear little sister is in Chalphy, burdened once more by her old memories. Never have I seen such horror as when she recalled how you, her own brother, almost killed her! Or how her dearly departed mother spirited her clear of the castle and your clutches…

Julius: Indeed… near everyone puts up some defiance to death by my hand, yet Deirdre never so much as flinched in the end. She accepted her own demise, all to save Julia with what little strength she still had.  But Julia possesses the foul powers of that ghoul, Naga, just as Deirdre once did. Nothing is more crucial than killing her now, Manfroy, lest we lose the chance.

(………. Then… why did you need to restore her memories…?)

Manfroy: You overestimate her threat, milord. After all, the Book of Naga remains under the strictest lock and key in Belhalla. Without it, Naga’s soul could never come to dwell within that girl…

Julius: How many times must I explain, Manfroy?! Every last one of the avatars of Naga, the heirs of Heim, must be purged!

Manfroy: Understood, milord. I’ll have my men see to it that Julia is dead by sundown.

Julius: Do not fail me, Manfroy. Now, then, I suppose I’m needed in the capital.

Manfroy: I shall ensure that holding the Miletos territory is the Order’s highest priority. Before the week is done, Your Majesty, the corpse of Seliph shall lie before you.

Julius: Seliph? … Ah, of course. The one the peasants call ‘the scion of light’.  Just as they call me the ‘scion of darkness’.  The alleged eldest son of Deirdre and the alleged true heir to my throne. A fairy tale, told to inspire hope amongst fools.

Manfroy: He is still a threat, milord. The sooner we dispose of him, the better.                      

Julius: Surely he doesn’t truly bear the power of the Crusader Baldur. He couldn’t possibly. I don’t care about him, Manfroy, but you’re welcome to do with him as you will.  

Manfroy: Very good, milord.

Julius: … Actually, I have a better idea. I want to play a game.  

Julius: Rumor has it that a small army of fresh sacrifices are headed our way. Let’s see who can claim the life of a rebel first.

Ishtar: Yes, Lord Julius. I’d love to!

(Sympathetic anti-villain~)

And then the newly arrived enemies start screwing with me, thus ruining the drama of the moment. Anyhow. The army arrayed against us is arguably the worst in the entire game thus far, given they are almost all dark mages. Dark magic still has no disadvantages to anything in the weapon triangle, and a lot of them have status effect staves to fuck our advance over hard. And of course, standing near the castle…

At first glance, Ishtar actually looks worse than Obvious Final Boss Julius. She’s bulked up considerably since we last met her; her Magic has gone up by six points, speed by one, and resistance by a whopping twelve with the addition of a Barrier Ring to her inventory.  He, in contrast, has generally good stats at everything (and is a damn stone wall with 25 defense and 35 resistance) but he’s slower than her and his Loptyr tome is heavier than her Mjolnir.  Beyond being a stone wall, he appears to be less dangerous than her.

This is a filthy lie.

You see, Ishtar is stronger than her last fight with us, but we’ve leveled up far more than she has since then. She’s certainly still very dangerous thanks to her combo of Mjolnir and the Vantage ability meaning if you don’t kill her in one shot she’ll wreck your ass on all further battles, but that’s nothing new. It just means we’re playing the same damn game of Nuclear Rocket Tag that we were last time, and Arthur is carrying a much bigger nuke than before. Maybe he still only has like a 60% chance of pulling it off, but I honestly can’t believe I did it at all last time.  

And as for that heavy Loptyr tome? It has a little extra trick to it that you’ll quickly come to despise.  

See that little note, ‘cuts foe’s atk’ down in the bottom left corner? See, more specifically, it cuts the attack of anyone who gets into battle with Julius by a whopping 50%. So before hitting Julius’s again, stone-wall defenses, anyone who takes a swing at him will first have their attack cut in half, at which point he will swing right back with a Holy Weapon that has no weapon triangle disadvantage to anything and is backed up by his maxed out magic stat.  And in his ability list, he has Pursuit and Accost for maximum possible double-attacking potential to go with his very high natural speed, and Wrath to cause his critical hit rate to skyrocket if you do eventually get his HP down below half.  

His 80 HP.  

So yeah, this is the game’s subtle way of telling you ‘DON’T FIGHT JULIUS’. Indeed, the easiest thing to do here would be to let him or Ishtar kill one of our soldiers and then have Cairpre revive them with the Valkyria staff, because they will both leave if one of them manages to win their ‘game.’  Which, I mean, if I get really desperate, maybe, but for the sake of my pride I’d prefer to beat one of them, causing both to retreat. And by ‘one of them,’ I mean Ishtar. And by ‘beat’ I mean, ‘Arthur, it’s time to play another round of Holy Weapon Nuclear Death Tag with your cousin, please try to survive.’  

Oh, and just for fun:

That’s Julius’s Holy Blood screen. Just in case you didn’t have enough unhappiness in your life.

Now then. First thing we need to do is clear out at least some of the enemies in play here. There’s a whole mess of Dark Mages with some melee fighters scattered among them, and they’re operating with a variety of tools, but the worst, as poor Altena found out, are the ones with Sleep staves. Status effect staves in this game are the worst; they have perfect accuracy as long as the one using them has higher Magic than the target has Resistance. In our hands, they’re balanced by only having 2-3 charges before they break. In the enemy’s hands, they have infinite charges because Fuck You, that’s why. Sleep + Hel + Any Hit of Anything is a very bad situation.  So first step is to work out where they are:

There, we have a basic cross-reference of where only high-resistance units should go. The dark mages have 16 Magic each, which isn’t much for the purposes of combat but for the purposes of Sleep Staves it might as well be a trillion. Maybe a quarter of our army can go into that crossfire zone without being zapped, and one of them is Cairpre, who can’t fight. On the other hand, he’s also the only person who can wake people up, so his staying awake forever is useful, in its own way.

Back to full power! And now, we clear out the vanguard and move the team up, making sure to keep most people firmly to the east.  

There we go. First wave down; the only people in the current batch who can lure out enemies without getting a forced nap are Ares, Fee, Ced, Tinni and Cairpre; Seliph will be able to when he actually reaches the army, but he, Nanna, and Ulster are a bit further back. He had to take the castle and they needed to do some weapon repairs.

End turn!

Ah, yes, some of them have siege tomes too. Because, again, fuck you, that’s why.

Cairpre, you’re just getting silly.  But in any event, we’ve now gotten a situation where the only people in the Sleep range are people who cannot be Sleeped, and they should also be drawing in some of the enemies from the west so we can clear out at least one or two of the staff wielders and give us some more movement range. There’s two to the west, and two to the north; the western ones should start moving on this turn now that we’ve cleared out the enemies closer to us. With luck, I can kill them both right away. End turn…

Okay, not bad. With the positioning of the enemies, I thiiiiiiiiink three of the sleep staffs can be taken out this turn without much issue.  Let’s see…

That’s one!

And that’s two, and also all we’re going to get. But the remaining two are going to put some people to sleep, but they won’t be able to get anyone killed.  That’s worth Ares getting a shit level, I guess. What remains is to clear out the final village-burning bandit of the map…

And killing off this sniper so he can’t kill Fee and ruin everything.

Good times. All right, dark mages! Please don’t kill anyone. End turn.

Lame, but tolerable. We will be able to kill one more staff guy this turn; but the second one is being… troublesome.  

He’s one of those charming robed figures firmly in Julius’s combat range. That is not a fight I want to pick.  Instead, we’ll take this other dude with the physic staff…

And pull back, trying to lure them out further. Cairpre wakes up Lester to let him do the same, and gets his like seventieth level.

To the south, we need to clear a path without letting Patty get put to sleep preferably. So I have Tinni try to clear a path, which will let Ced get through to the third Sleep user.

….

She misses. On a 90% chance. Dammit. Seliph, please?

That’s why we’re putting you on the throne later, buddy.  And now Ced can get through and remove one more stumbling block.

Beautiful. Only one staff jackass left, and the only people in his range are Tinni and Seliph.  He’ll have to move, and with any luck at all he’ll do so out of Julius’s combat range where someone can take a swing at his dumb face. End turn!

Heeeeeeeeeey buuuuuuuddy.

Niiiiice. With that, there’s only seven enemies left total; one guy with a normal tome, three siege tomes, the boss in the castle, and the two far more dangerous bosses waiting for us to get all up in their business. This will be… tricky. But for the moment, we’re safe, so I have Seliph drop in to have a conversation with Tinni.

(In all this mess, you may have forgotten Lewyn is her dad. He certainly hasn’t been very fatherly.)

Seliph: If you need anything from me, I’ll be waiting over there.

(You see what I mean about her having a character arc, now? Imagine the Tinni we first recruited saying that. She was so broken down she was going to fight us just because she was too afraid not to. And look at her now, electrocuting her aunt! I’m so proud.)

Lewyn: She didn’t treat you well, did she?

(“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA…. Oh, you’re serious…? Wow. No. No.”)

Tinni: Day after day, again and again, she would beat and abuse us. She kept on accusing Mother of being a traitor…

Lewyn: Your mother… Taillte…

Tinni: Yes… after the Battle of Belhalla, she and my brother, Arthur, fled to Silesse. I was born there soon after. I never knew my father. I think he must have died long ago…

Lewyn: I see. Then you went to Alster, right?

Tinni: King Blume and his minions came to Silesse, one night. They dragged us away to Alster… Mother never left there alive…

Lewyn: I… you’ve had such a hard life…

Tinni: Mm… Hilda hated Mother so much. I’ve never seen anything like it. Mother coped with so much, trying to protect me from Hilda. She was always in tears, right till the end…

Lewyn: She… she did…?

Tinni: Lord Lewyn? Is… is everything okay, sir?

Lewyn: … Yeah. Why do you ask?

Tinni: It’s your eyes, sir. Are those… tears?

Lewyn: I… no, it’s nothing. This is just a bit of sweat. I’m fine… I… I’m okay…

I like this conversation for a few reasons. First, it gives Tinni a ridiculous +5 magic, which is wonderful for these conversation bonuses and pushes her to her magic cap of 27. But on a story front, you’ve probably noticed that Lewyn has become kind of a douche in the years since the first generation.  This is one of the very few moments where that attitude breaks and he really shows you just how much he’s hurting beneath it all. He manages to hold up the Jerk Attitude for most of his other daughter conversations (he can have one with Fee, Lene, or Tinni if he’s their dad) but this is the only one he breaks down on. Learning your wife was essentially tortured to death will do that, and it probably only hurts more because Tinni isn’t trying to guilt him over it. Just innocently sharing how awful her life has been.

It’s a good, solid, quiet little character moment. I really like those when they’re done well, and I think this one was.

End turn.

Way to kill the emotion, jerk.

After murdering that buzzkill, I have to consider the situation.  Ishtar is by far the weaker of the two enemies, but she’s not weak by any means. And unfortunately, anywhere that she can go, Julius can go too, thanks to the Leg Ring in his inventory. Getting them separate is hard.  So what I’m going to do is have Ares, with the Mystletainn in hand, stand on a forest tile in Julius’s range. I will also put Nanna, Seliph, and Dermott near him; with boosts from two Charisma skills, Seliph’s leadership stars, and a forest, he gets something like a 45% boost to his dodging, which even Julius should have some trouble with. And even if he takes one hit, his Resistance is high enough that he should be able to survive.  And from there, I have all of them run past him with Arthur, giving him a similar bonus to his offense and offsetting Julius’s own five leadership stars when he fights Ishtar. With luck, which I seem to be having lately with these big annoying bosses, Arthur will nuke the crap out of his cousin once again.

This might work. Maybe! Or I might die. End turn!

Gotta admit, the man makes an impression! Ares takes the hit, but survives with 21 HP left, and Ishtar runs up behind Julius, but can’t reach anyone to blast. But we can reach her.  Deep breath. Moment of truth.  Everyone, get her! NUCLEAR ROCKET TAG GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I’m hoping you don’t notice how many of my problems I have been solving with Forseti.  Like… all of them. Seriously, of the three hardest bosses in the game so far, Ishtar, Arion, and Ishtar again, Arthur has killed all three of them on his first move, doing the exact same thing.  I have dealt with every serious challenge the game has to offer by nuking it with a wind god.  

If this is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.  

Oh, and hey, why not.

This kid is going places. 

Now then, not much left on the map to deal with.  I have Lene dance Cairpre, so he can grab one of the two remaining villages.  

Captain… Nay, GENERAL Obvious: Just a single glance into those eyes of his and you’re gone. You lose yourself. So many of my friends and people my age have all left for Belhalla to serve him… I’ve heard nothing from any of ‘em since.

Oh-ho.  So, does this mean Julius can literally warp the minds of others? It can’t be limitless, mind you, since otherwise he could just mind-rape our army into joining him, but some ability to sway the weak-minded to his side would fit with how so few Imperial citizens are actually protesting the whole… you know. Hunting of children.

On the enemy phase, there isn’t a whole lot left. We have only three enemies left outside the boss, and they’re all carrying siege tomes.

And hahaha, they’re not super great at picking targets. That was fun.  Now, let’s destroy them!

Not bad at all! One guy remaining, we can get him on the next turn before Seliph takes that castle. Altena grabs the last village, as well.

Extremely Morbid Info Master: Hate t’say it, but sometimes, yeh need t’make sacrifices if yeh wanna keep going…

See, kids, this is why you don’t fuck with Info Master. He is willing to make those sacrifices.  End turn!

Dick.

… They can’t all be great, Cairpre. You’ve still grown far beyond anything I ever expected. Now, nothing left to do but send the team up north, preparing to go where the story will dictate after we take the next castle. Seliph, care to set things up?

Lewyn: I hate to admit it, but I doubt we could’ve gotten here soon enough either way. Now, then. It sounds like they’re just finishing up repairs on the Miletos Strait bridge. Ready to move in on Chalphy?

Seliph: Chalphy…. My father’s homeland….

Lewyn: So it is. I’m betting the citizens there will be even happier to see you than usual.  Let’s not make them wait any longer!

Seliph: Indeed! Everyone, move out! Onward, to Chalphy!  

(“We’re not forgetting anything, right? Eh, I’m sure Julia would remind us if we were.”)  

Well. There isn’t a whole lot of this chapter left, but it can take quite a bit of time to successfully pull off, so I do think I’ll stop here. See y’all next week when we head back home to Chalphy! The very first castle we ever had in the game, and now we get to go take it back from another blast to the past, good old Arvis! I sure did miss him.

But my aim is improving.  

See y’all next week!  

[deadciv]

i’ll put this under a cut, last jedi spoilers below; this is basically just me working through the movie. unlike tfa which i left in silent emotional meltdown i feel like i have a solid hold on this movie even after one viewing so here we fuckin go

overall, as said before: not a tremendous disappointment, as i feared. it avoided some of the pitfalls i was most afraid of and it did some interesting things, while definitely having a few things i found entirely unconvincing, unnecessary, or downright bad

caveat: both some of the things i like and dislike here could be changed or muddled in a heartbeat depending on their choices in episode 9. things could be pulled in a lot of different directions

things i liked:

- the first scene of the movie. honestly, it was fucking electric; the action was heartpounding, i fell in love with (then mourned) paige in just a couple minutes, good development for poe. it started off the movie really well and it left a good taste in my mouth that helped me treat the rest of the movie more optimistically. also i did cry. in fact i cried several times but here first

- no reylo. the reylos can pretend all they like, but frankly, it’s just not real and to me that was obvious.

- imo, interesting development between kylo ren and rey. it had some moments i disliked which i’ll touch on later but overall i thought it was well done; the parallels to return of the jedi, then the realization that this is /not that/ and that these are different people and different times with different solutions and outcomes, was good

- in general, and people can disagree, i appreciate the more specific, granular, less archetypal character focus. clumsy at times, but still

- tying into, i am so glad snoke is dead. the false palpatine, the false emperor, the pretender. soon as i saw his ship arrive in person i knew he was dead, and soon as rey aimed towards his ship i /knew/ he was dead. i want a little more detail of how he got where he is, but honestly i wouldn’t mind if it came in a throwaway line or in the eu. it just hit, strongly, that this is a different story with a different ending that still mirrors the old; but distorted and new

- speaking of, scene with the royal guards (force sensitive somewhat, certainly) was neat

- hitting on this again but from a different angle, the clear separation (and yet hearkening back to; books in the falcon) between old and new was refreshing. i’m not surprised they didn’t go full ‘the jedi must truly end’ even though i kind of wanted it, but the very clear signal and clear choices made to show that things are going to be different from hereon out was necessary and good

- like yet again, it definitely parallels both esb and rotj, but the details of the plot struck different chords and the setting of the battlestar galactica type chase was i think a good one

- speaking of, though imo he came off too snarky one too many times, luke was convincing to me, and his arc made a lot of sense, all in all (talk about the ending of all that in a bit)

- moving back a bit, poe’s arc was. surprisingly good? interesting, made sense with what we knew about him, they didn’t just make Holdo wrong and stupid; he clearly learned, and it made perfect sense imo

- loved seeing the rich, capitalist, war profiteering assholes composing ‘the worst place in the galaxy in contrast to what we’ve seen before; loved seeing their shitty city get shat on

- maz’s scene was lit

- leia like. used the force? rad. weird way of shooting the scene but i’ll give it a pass

- acting good; more billie lourd good

- at least some steps towards background diversity

- i actually felt like kylo ren’s emotional arc made sense and i feel like he’s going to die in the next film. once again, new problems, new solutions, even if we are playing some of the same melodies. him as essentially the main bad guy in the next movie will be fascinating one way or another

things i /didn’t/ like:

- Finn’s story arc. he didn’t end up accomplishing anything; they didn’t hit his growth hard enough, didn’t interact with rey or poe enough, didn’t get enough emotional pay off. just generally there wasn’t enough and it pissed me off; he’s a centerpiece for these movies and he needs to remain one for them to really work. the whole ‘protect what you love not destroy what you hate’ is not bad but it needed to be hit way harder and invole poe and rey directly

- specific related quibble: why the fuck didn’t finn and rey get a single scene in which they fucking talked

- i loved rose and i don’t think it really implies that Finn like, likes her, but the kiss was vaguely annoying and unnecessary.

- the way luke ‘died’ and did that whole fight sequence was not terrible, but it didn’t quite do it. i feel like we need more out of him in ep 9 to finish that off for real

- speaking of? yoda never got enough character development to realize that like, moving on and making a new world and blowing up that tree was necessary. yoda is a hidebound, set-in-his-ways dude and i wasn‘t convinced by that; it was a cheap way to accelerate luke’s development and choices

- moving ever further back, rey’s whole flirting with the dark side thing either needed to genuinely not be hit much at all or be hit harder. it had potential but then just kinda got dropped. the throne room scene and the mirror scene were both undercut by not having delved into her psyche better and more deeply. i might change my view somewhat here on a second viewing but

- like thor: ragnarok, i felt like the use of humor to that extent undercut emotional weight and muddled the tone.

- wish it didn’t feel so much like different directors; the fact that the background cast--including temmin wexley, who is important in the new eu stuff--from tfa basically disappeared was a little jolting, esp after having watch tfa last night

- speaking of. porgs. hmmm.

- ice foxes? cute but a cheap way out for that last bit. finn should have used the force that he definitely should have to find the way out. or leia

- some weird cutting that felt kinda disjointed with the scene changes

- i have other quibbles, but two main, big things left that are separate from other stuff in significant ways

- one: a technical quibble. or more like a MASSIVE FUCKING HYPERSPACE SIZED HOLE IN AN ENTIRE FLEET HOLY SHIT YOU REALIZE THIS RUINS TACTICS THROUGHOUT ALL STAR WARS RIGHT. RIGHT. I GET THAT THAT’S WHAT HAPPENING BUT MAKING US SEE IT MEANS WE HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT AND THAT IS VERY, VERY BAD. like seriously. how many times could that fucking tactic have changed entire battles? wars? like??? please give me some dumb reason why that usually wouldn’t work i dearly need it for my sanity here. in fairness though? cool as shit. but like, not worth the grief it’s causing me and will continue to cause me through all future star wars properties

- lastly, and debatably most importantly. and i’ll start small and specific. that very last scene, the one with the little kid, is emblematic of the fundamental cowardice of disney, lucasfilm, rian, whomever. the opportunity to have our little force-wielding kid be literally anything but a white person (and a white boy)? so fucking there. begging to be brought to life. an alien? focus on the little black boy instead? anything else?? like, not only does it frustrate me from a sheer rep perspective--as in, it’s basically canon that only white humans can do anything meaningful with the force, which is shit--but it also fundamentally undercuts the themes of the film, cheapening the concept (still unproven, admittedly) of having rey be not a legacy kid to a fucking massive degree. it left a terrible taste in my mouth.

- and relatedly? the general lack of aliens in resistance roles? the sidelining of finn? combined with those themes? dumb. stupid. bad. cowardly. and the lack of any lbgt stuff of any kind? no real interaction between poe and finn for the most part? related, and bad.

stuff i’m ambivalent about (incomplete list)

rey random. i kind of like that it’s not a legacy, though i get why some disagree. still not convinced that’s like, real though. i think the theming of rey needing to accept that she’s here on her own power not on that of legacy, and of anyone having the potential to great ill or good regardless of their bloodline, has potential, but it heavily depends on what they do with it in episode 9. glad i never go invested in any of those theories tbh

overall. not bad, definitely flawed. i feel pretty confident about where i’m at with it except with the rey flirting the dark side arc; i need to see it again to determine whether i’ve missed something. anyway i’m sure no one will read this but at least it helps to put it down somewhere

[childofaura]

Rating the anime I’ve watched in 2019: A really short list

Kinda just felt like doing this, 2019 has been a REALLY interesting year in anime. I didn’t watch a whole lot of stuff, but I wanted to kind of go over what I did watch. So I’ll talk about what I thought and rate it 1-10.

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND: THEY’RE RATED SOLELY ON MY OPINIONS, IF I DON’T FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT ONE PLEASE DON’T GET MAD. ALSO ALL OF THESE WERE WATCHED IN SUBS. ALSO SPOILERS AHOY.

1. Dororo.

The OP was AWESOME. The animation in the first half of the series was really smooth, but there was a slightly noticeable dip in animation later on. Not huge, but still there. Actors were FANTASTIC, and the little girl who plays Dororo is so cute! Characters were incredibly well written and varied, Hyakkimaru still struggled despite his honed reflexes and training, and Tahomaru was so morally divisive, it was great. Somber tones really bring out the nasty forbidden underside of the Shogunate’s “lasting peace”. Though the ending with Tahomaru, Hyakkimaru’s mother, and his father figure all dying in the fire was rather... disappointing, Hyakkimaru forgiving his father and Dororo deciding what to do with the large sum of money left behind, to use it for the greater good, wraps everything up.

Dororo’s a solid 8/10.

2. Rising of the Shield Hero

I ended up checking this one out after hearing all the controversy it was stirring up, because I wanted to see what it was. Like always, the “controversy” was a big tepid pile of nothing, and I got to experience an isekai that operates under a different mood with different dynamics. Animation quality is consistent and good, and there’s a LOT of female characters that are well rounded and strong, like Raphtalia, Melty, the Filolial Queen, Glass, etc. Scenery is beautiful, and Naofumi’s growth into trusting again is nice to watch. Also the soundtrack is so enjoyable, Kansas is my favorite song. Cons, though few, are still there: the pacing can be a little funky at times (Mainly what comes to mind is that AWFUL filler episode where they fight the Church from the molten pit, and don’t move AT ALL. Worst episode ever), the physical growth of some of the characters like Filo is jarring (In two days she grows horse sized, after they had that montage of taking care of her) even with an explanation. The last thing that rubs me the wrong way (It’s not really a con in general, just a con for me) is Raphtalia’s crush on Naofumi. It’s simply that they spend the first few episodes building their relationship as a father/daughter, then they try to shift to romance after establishing that first familial relationship.

Rising of the Shield Hero’s an 8/10.

3. The Promised Neverland

AAAAAAAH HOT DAMN I LOVED THIS ONE. It was completely out of my range of what I normally watched at the beginning of 2019, BUT I LOVED IT SO MUCH. The animation is eerie, especially the facial expressions and how smoothly they move. The children are so darling and thinking about how they might have possibly died in S1 broke my heart, as well as me hoping they didn’t, lol. Every episode leaves off on this wonderfully tantalizing cliffhanger, so binging the episodes are a must. Characters like Mama and Sister Krone are terrifying, though in the latter’s case I love how clever she was, and was sad when she died. Her Japanese actress definitely blew it out of the water and had a lot of fun with the character. I’d say the only (not really a con, but) thing that weirds me out is how close the characters’ mouths are to their faces, but that’s a stylistic thing and I won’t fault them for that. The children are strong and resilient and I can’t wait for the next season.

The Promised Neverland’s a 9/10.

4. Demon Slayer

I got into this one late, and I hate myself for getting into it late. But nonetheless, I’m so glad I watched it and I can say with confidence it’s up there with FullMetal Alchemist: Brotherhood’s level of excellence. Tanjiro is such a kind-hearted boy who constantly puts himself through physical torture for his only remaining family; Nezuko’s “hypnotism” to see humans as family feels more like placebo because she just genuinely has compassion for people, especially when she looks at Ms Tamayo and Yushiro as family when they’re also demons. All the characters are deeply involved in this story with either known or hidden (Zenitsu) strengths that allow them to conquer their struggles. The style is unique and the character designs are pretty, and HOO BOY THE FIGHTING ANIMATIONS, THE STYLIZED TECHNIQUES. MWAH! MUCH LOVE! I love the soundtrack so much, it almost reminds me of the Pokemon movies’ orchestra pieces. The story is well paced, and no issues with filler. Showing how even demons deserve compassion is a beautifully unexpected twist in this show.

Demon Slayer’s a 10/10

5. To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts

I do love this series dearly, and while the good outweighs the “meh”, I still have to address the issues. BUT FIRST, THE GOOD THINGS: Characters in this show are incredibly in-depth, even the soldiers. The designs of the Incarnates are fantastic, terrifying and imposing. Schaal is a strong young girl who sets off with just a suitcase and a rifle and, after meeting Hank, decides to get inside his mindset to see why he’s doing what he does, and why he had to kill her father. Hank is a man in constant suffering who has to see his best friends losing themselves to insanity, knowing that they’re not the people they used to be but questioning whether he’s really doing the right thing regardless. All the soldiers have their own focal point in the episodes they show up in, showing their unique traits and attitudes, and how it links to the monsters they are now. The concept of Incarnate soldiers is parallel to veterans with PTSD. While Liza’s a bit of a ridiculous fan-service character, there’s really no complaints because the fan-service in this show is balanced; they show Hank unnecessarily shirtless a LOT (Though honestly I’d be fine if they let him wear his shirts more). But the cons. There are a decent amount of them. Animation is clunky and lower budget. Pacing is not easy to keep up with, as the split between Hank’s mission and the main conflict with Cain interrupt each other quite jarringly. Schaal’s father seemingly rises as a zombie again to serve no other purpose other than Schaal’s character growth, as we could assume that a LOT of the other monsters like Keynes, with the fire of justice, would also come back to life. Liza doesn’t really seem to do much or contribute much as a character; she came close when she volunteered to take up the Incarnate Extermination Squad’s equipment by saying she knew how it worked but she literally. Just. Held up a shield for the commander (forgot his name, Cain’s little bro) to jump off of. She needs to do more. Love the series and I love watching it, but it’s a mixed bag.

To the Abandoned Sacred Beast’s a 7/10.

6. Fire Force.

Well... this one is definitely gonna be tough to deal with, because I only got maybe 8 or 9 episodes in before I had to break away. So I’ll break it down simply.

Pros: Animation is SOLID. ABSOLUTE. FLUID AND DYNAMIC. It’s literally Midoriya vs Todoroki, but in EVERY EPISODE. Some characters are fascinating and enjoyable like Shinra, Maki, Joker, and Hibana. The concept of Infernals, people who just burst into flames without warning, are a solid idea to run on. The OP is a banger. The soundtrack fits the mood perfectly.

Cons, and a lot of them: There isn’t a whole lot going on in terms of variety, it’s mainly fighting Infernals in the city. It picks up eventually, but slowly. While some characters were enjoyable, others were either flat or downright unbearable to deal with; flat characters like Obi (He’s not a bad character, but he feels... generic) and Iris (Also not bad, she’s strong in what she’s had to deal with and being kind regardless, but it’s just standard quiet girl.). Unbearable character is really just two so far: The lieutenant, who gets borderline abusive (both mentally and physically) with Maki (Like I get it dude, you had trauma with fire and Infernals but you don’t need to be an abusive shit), and Tamaki, ESPECIALLY Tamaki. She’s rude, screechy, treated Shinra like utter shit when they first meet, and respects almost no one outside of her district for no real reason. And she also falls into the next con: The one-sided fan-service. Now I will defend the right to fan-service with everything I believe in, but I’m still allowed to have my opinion on it, and the way it goes in Fire Force is just... so awful. Fan-service jarringly interrupts what are supposed to be heavy emotional or important scenes (Iris sitting on the ground with nothing but a towel, Iris getting her clothes burned off by Hibana, Tamaki sticking her butt out after getting hurt by her district partner, Tamaki’s clothes being burned up and being against the wall with that weird-ass kitty pose with her wrists, etc.), Tamaki’s “lucky lechery” is supposed to be funny somehow but it makes literally no sense, and oh cool she ends up sexually harassing the dudes with it, too. I could understand this level of fan-service if it was like a harem anime or a cheese-cake-ish anime or whatever, but it’s- it’s a shounen. There’s nothing that really shows you there’s gonna be this weird level of fan-service.

I respect everyone who loves Fire Force, but it’s just not my cup of tea. That’s all.

Fire Force’s a 6.5/10.

7. Vinland Saga

THIS ANIME. THIS ANIME IS PERFECT IN EVERY WAY AND YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND. The first OP PERFECTLY encapsulates just how much of a hellish live Thorfinn is about to live. The animation (Being from the same company as Attack on Titan and Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress) is SUPERB where the characters move with weight and purpose. Seriously, have you seen how the characters jump forward? With their legs and arms forward? It’s a little detail but it’s so great. Characters are multi-faceted and it gives me strong feelings about how awful they are but how clever or strong or brilliant they are. The pacing of the anime is perfect; something plot-important happens in each episode, the characters travel long distances to give you a feel of movement, and there’s not a single episode that could really be considered “filler”. Dynamics of these characters work in fascinating ways at times. The actors absolutely own their roles; Askeladd’s actor nails that perfect nonchalance where he seems surprised but you know he’s truly not, Thorfinn’s older actor knows how to scream his lungs out in anger. The main star, though? Thorkell, hands down. That guy is absolutely having fun with his character.

Vinland Saga’s a solid 10/10.

[crying-saeyoung]

Hi! Can you write fluffy headcanons with jealous RFA and Vanderwood (he's cool)? Perhaps someone was flirting with MC?

sorry this took so long to write! and also, please look at my rules before requesting. I don’t know how to add a link in my description, but I did say to look at my hashtag RULES. please do so in the future. -Green

Yoosung: 

-you two were out together just window shopping 

-eventually you made it in a comic shop and you had accidentally split up because of your different interests 

-which Yoosung was okay with because it was a small shop and you were really just an isle or two away

-while he was looking at LOLOL merch, he found a small figurine that he remembers is from one of your favorite shows! 

-he knows he can’t buy it, but he wants to show it to you!! 

-so he grabs the box with the figure in it and looks around for you 

-he sees you with a big book in your hands, trying to read (or just ignore without being too rude) while a tall man loomed over you and continued to talk to you 

-his cheeks get really red and he literally starts to pout 

-before he solves the issue, he walks over and buys the item 

-he wasn’t before but GOD he needs some leverage so he does 

-yoosung takes the figure out and then jogs over to you, proudly holding it in the air

-”MC!! look!!! :DD” 

-you look up from the book and you squeal at what he’s holding 

-”Yoosung!! Oh my gosh, did you buy that??”

-yes of course, he replies, bc u r the best gf ever 

-he gives it to you and gives you a kiss on the cheek, then looks at the book you have

-it’s an LOLOL guide that shows concept art and how to get all the special armor 

-”awww!! we had the same idea!” 

-honestly you two just start being really cute right in front of this dude. 

-yoosung just slowly and surely. shoves this guy away 

-you totally notice but don’t say anything until later 

-by saying something you give him a big ol kiss on the lips 

-he giggles

Saeyoung:

-both of you are out at the park 

-because nothing is better than the park!!! 

-they’re perfect for Saeyoung

-he’s chasing you around the playground, and you’re screaming and giggling 

-it’s honestly really cute and he can’t help but lag in his running because he could ANNIHILATE YOU if he wanted but you’re too cute he just wants to keep hear you laughing

-eventually he ducks under the slide so you can’t see him and waits until you’ve stopped running so he can. SNEAk ATTACK 

-everything was going according to plan. your back turned toward him, looking around, you’re on the tips of ur toes, and ur a giggling mess 

-except. he. was not a part of his plan?

-honestly who hits on people at a park 

-when he sees this dude come up and just start flirting right away he’s like MC RUN AWAY???

-but you’re too out of it to notice so you just kind of dismiss it while looking for Saeyoung

-so he continues with his plan and sneaks up on you

-picks you up from behind and spins u!!! 

-you are YELLING 

-this dude is also yelling

-saeyoung is LAUGhiNG,,, it’s so f u nn y??/

-eventually he’ll put you down and then just kiss you all over your face 

-then turn to the guy and be like “oh who r u” 

-the dude just walks away. 

-mission accomplished 

Jumin: 

-you convinced Jumin to go on. a normal date

-where you both weren’t super dressed up and eating 100$ meals 

-instead you got him into some casual clothes, and you brought him into town 

-he was totally out of his element and super weirded out by the commoners 

-so he’s stuck to you like glue. you are his only light in this mess. 

-but he won’t complain because you’re having a lot of fun so he tries to relax and enjoy everything like you are

-while it’s not to the same extent, he does start having some fun 

-but fun drops all the way when he sees how. rude??? all the dudes are ?

-he swears that he saw someone slap your ass but you keep denying it 

-he don’t believe u.,,,

-now you two are together just looking at the city lights and walking hand in hand

-not as many people are out and it’s not a shady place, so Jumin is actually pretty relaxed 

-but then.

-t h e  nn,,,,

-a man comes up and like. slaps your ass

-but like. really fucking hard guys

-you stumble in your place 

- OH  H E LL N O

-jumin doesn’t even think about it he grabs this guy and SHOVES HIM INTO THE BUILDING NEAR U GUYS

-starts chewing this guy out. doesn’t punch him or anything just yells at him and venting about how commoners are the worst people to exist 

-and guys jumin is really intimidating so this guy looks like he’s going to cry 

-you start to feel bad because he looks so scared so you have to drag Jumin back and tell the rude asshole to scram 

-and then jumin. oh my god guys 

-once this guy leaves, Jumin slaps him SO HARD ON THE ASS THAT YOU Can HEAR IT and the guy runs the FUCk away

-YOU START LAUGHinG SO O BAD ,,, 

-it’s the best night of your LIFE 

Jaehee: 

-mmm coffee dates!! 

-the best

-you both treat yourselves to this really expensive coffee house and Jaehee looks like she’s in heaven 

-it’s been 10 minutes and she still can’t decide what drink she wants

-so you left her and explored the shop a bit 

-it’s really a cute place! and they got a little library! 

-you read a little, when someone walks up to you

-you think it’s Jaehee so you’re about to greet her with a smile when you see it’s actually a dude

-o h,,

-woops. you apologize and he laughs 

-why he laughing?? 

-you’re super awkward so you can’t bring yourself to leave as this dude tries to charm and get to know you 

-eventually Jaehee knows what she wants and looks around at her spot for you

-sees you and the dude

-but she really doesn’t want to make a scene so she calls your name

-”MC!! Honey, I know what I want now! I miss you dearly so come here so I can give you a kiss??”

-that is SO EMBARRASSING for her to say… but she can’t help it she just wants the dude to get the hint and leave u alone

-he does, thank god

-and you take that offer Jaehee gave you, gladly ;0

Zen:

-you’re at his play!! 

-unfortunately you’re sitting alone, but you’re so happy to see him play!

-but since you’re alone, this guy next to you is totally chatting up during the whole play and you have no way to escape

-during intermission, you quickly leave with the excuse you have to use the bathroom

-oops, when u come out there’s the dude

-was he waiting for you to come out?

-you’re seriously getting creeped out so you text Zen to come out of backstage

-he does as fast as he can, even tho he isn’t allowed to but he loves you so he doesn’t care

-as soon as he sees this dude and how uncomfortable Zen totally is like. OK. i know what i must do

-quickly swipes up next to you and places an arm around your waist. 

-he tries to keep himself together but on the inside he is suffering while he shakes this guys hand

-”you called me over, is something wrong babe?” he asks you and purposefully kisses u on the cheek so this guy knows you are taken 

-”he.. well, he followed and waited for me to come out of the bathroom..” 

-long story short: the dude is kicked out for harassment 

-you think it’s a little bit of a stretch… but seeing Zen so flustered and worked up makes it totally worth it. 

[confessionsofatwentysomethin]

Guess who’s back, back again.

It’s me, your favorite 20 something, one year later from what I can only surmise as a shit show from what I just read because I thought it would be a great idea to recap myself on what you all must think of me.

I cried a lot reading the posts I didn’t remember writing because I was out of my mind curling up at the bottom of whatever bottle I’d come across that day; I cried, even more, reading the posts I did remember because all of that pain and melancholy still exists like boulders in the luggage of my runaway heart.

There have been too many boys, friends, men, bottles, smiles, drugs, laughs, cries, midnight vomit sessions, breaths of fresh air, happy days, and days I didn’t think I’d recover from to count. Honestly, 2018 was the happiest and saddest year I have lived this far. I’m sure as we chat a little more, details will begin to reval themselves and stories will come up. These are just the important ones I don’t want to half ass.

I want to start this post with a small message to Janurary 2018 Angela:

I know you’re really butthurt about Nathaniel but WE (I) FUCKED HIS HOT COUSIN NICK AND HE WILL NEVER FIND OUT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO HURT HIM LIKE THAT OR DEAL WITH THE REPERCUSSIONS BUT IF WE EVER DID TELL HIM IT WOULD SHATTER HIM AND HIS FRAGILE EGO. So forget that dude, Nick was a fucking 14/10 and you fucking nailed that REPEATEDLY and Nathaniel still sucks even to this day so get over it you big, beautiful fucking queen.

Anyway, back to raw, emotional, reflective Angela (our regularly scheduled programming):

New years 2018 has become an iconic day in my life and the lives of every person in my once close-knit group of high school friends. Ryan’s girlfriend Monika slept with Ryan’s best friends Matt and Mason, and all three boys were some of my closest friends for years. 

Sure, it’s a huge joke amongst those of us who still strain relationships through the wreckage that night and the nights leading up to it caused, that everyone got to see everyone topless and I made out with Jordan and Ashley like it was some innate thing that I’d always wanted to do (because we literally all made eye contact and just started making out, zero prompting from anyone... I totally admit that it’s the only moment where I genuinely questioned my sexuality lmao). However, no number of boobs of old friends is ever going to make me forget the way two of my friends betrayed Ryan.

Nevermind the fact the Monika gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a few months ago. Don’t worry, we all did the math, it’s not Matt or Mason’s... but the lack of loyalty on that girl does not suggest he is genetically Ryan’s, which isn’t stopping him from being with her, which makes pretty much all of us dead to him. Can we blame him? I don’t, not even one bit. I can’t imagine the feeling Ryan must have carried for months, the betrayal. I’m not saying I understand why he stayed with her and shut every single one of us out, but I also don’t think it’s unreasonable that he did. I have, and always will wish him the best; I hope his son grows up loved, happy, and healthy, and that Monika can grow up for his sake.

With that being said, I really do think that day was the last nail in the coffin for this page. I was so overwhelmed with processing the entire thing and how exactly I fit into it, that I really do think I had to turn my mind off for a long time to survive it in a healthy way. I lost faith and respect for two boys that I had watched grow into men that I loved and respected like the older brothers I had prayed for years to have. I would never be able to look at them the same way, and it made me feel selfish for making it about me that I just didn’t, not even to myself. 

I did not speak to anybody in that group for about 10 months before I responded to one of the many invitations to come together with what was left of the group, which was Lucas and his girlfriend Little Taylor, and that only lasted a little while until New Years 2019 when they got into an immature fight like they always do, and I couldn’t help myself; I called them out on it, and now I guess we aren’t speaking. New years 2019 was the first time I had seen Matt and Mason, it was as if nothing had changed, and like always, they made jokes about what upsets them: Ryan being gone, Ryan being a Dad, our group is in pieces and we don’t talk about it unless it’s a low blow to someone who isn’t even around to stand up for themselves.

I had an alright time. I had gone with my friend Tim from Bdubs Dekalb circa 2015 to his sisters wedding, and missed the stroke of midnight, which was okay because I was perfectly comfortable spending the first two minutes alone in my car. We got drunk, nostalgic, and silly, just how I wanted to remember them. I really do love every single one of them for surviving all of the teenage recklessness we stirred up together, but part of growing up was realizing that not all of your friends are friends who can be trusted with anything but drunken jokes and stupid nights. I love them for being drunk and stupid, and I am okay with just that.

2018... what a fucking year. I Don’t even think I remember all of it. From the looks of my posts, it might not be because I naturally have a horrible memory, Rumplemintz definitely had something to do with it.

2018 was that year I loved Cirissa and Chris, the couple who gave me hope and faith in a love that slowly matures but never grows old... until I realized that they had too many problems for me to start analyzing the way they were. Chronic alcoholism, a marriage that was a mix of co-dependence, lack of confidence to get anybody else, and fear of being alone sprinkled on top of a genuine love that was the root of my admiration. Every night we were together, we were the three best friends that anybody could have, our soundtrack was every Disney song we could get our hands on; we got off work, and my tongue always tasted like peppermint schnapps, and they would let me hit the button on the slot machine they chose that evening.

It was a fast, hard, deep, loving friendship for a year, and I wouldn’t trade that time for anything in the world. I have never for one second doubted that Cirissa truly did love me like a sister, and sometimes like a mom, and she did everything she could to make me feel that love as deeply as this heart could let me. There isn’t enough time in the world to go through how grateful I am for the emo sing alongs, drunken heart to hearts, and hugs that really did hold me together when I was falling apart.

Chris truly is one of the greatest men I have ever known, and I know he loved me like the really cool tomboy sister he never had. So many heavy metal nights and pep talks about how amazing I am, and how much better I deserve, and I am literally sobbing like an idiot because I miss the support and friendship that these two gave me so dearly.

The truth is, as much as I cherish them and all the crazy shit we did, it wasn’t healthy at all. I cannot blame anybody but myself for all of the liquor that I let take a shot at filling up my emptiness, but they were the cheerleaders that helped me believe that one day my demons would drown.

I know well enough now that there’s never going to be a moment where my vices beat my pain or complexities, and that mentality has tried to thrive in the little wasted snowglobe we created for the three best friends and died every single damn time.

There is no way in hell that Christian Boyajian will ever fit into words on a computer screen or a book or even an encyclopedia. Not because he is the greatest thing that ever happened to me; not because he is particularly special; not because I’ll never forget him or get over him or stop loving him.

Christian was simply someone who came into my life, and changed it forever, He changed me in ways that I had always written about but had no idea how heavy the words I was saying actually were.

June 2017 or somewhere in there, we had met on POF and bonded over Batman and how we both grew up so close to each other. I remember feeling like he was funny, smart, worldly, and clever. He’s in the Navy, and we lost touch because I’ve been a fuckboy for years, and he deployed before we got close enough for me to ever imagine signing up to be a navy girlfriend.

Fast forward to March 2018, we reconnected on POF. I was wasted at coach house with my friends, and it was like no time had passed.

He was living in San Diego, I was back in Illinois still, and we facetimed every night for a month before I decided to fly out to meet him. He told me he loved me before I even got on the plane. I knew it was fast, but I was so sick of being drunk and numb that I let myself feel whatever I wanted. I did know that I wanted to say I loved him to his face, like I always have with anyone.

I didn’t even write love poems about him, just fragments that still litter the notepad on my phone, because I knew it would be over faster than I could write it down and I wanted to soak up every single fucking second of being loved because I genuinely didn’t know if I would ever get the chance again.

Standing in front of him for the first 24 hours, I was on top of the world. I was loved. I was worshipped. I was unbreakable. But after that euphoria gave way to reality, the conversations about me moving to California didn’t seem as exciting to him. He started petty fights and didn’t look at me like his world was in my eyes anymore.

The worst part of finally getting to feel all of the beautiful things that I wrote about being in a love I knew nothing about before him, was having to feel all of the soul crushing things that I wrote about after I thought I had failed at love, except this time it was so real that it really did break me into a million tiny pieces.

I literally watched him lose interest infront of me without the barrier of a screen to make it feel a little less human. He stopped holding my hand in the car, made heart-breaking attempts to pretend he still wanted to keep all of his promises, and tried to break up with me at a Portillos. I, of course, didn’t let that happen because nobody gets dumped at Portillos. I will be fucking damned if you try to ruin the world’s best goddamn beef sandwich for me, fucking asshole. 

I loved him so fucking much that when he called me after a week of the silent treatment, all I could say was “you promised me. You fucking promised me, Christian. You won, you got me, that actually hurts” and he was so cold and disassociated that I knew that he had. I had finally felt something and it went from being so beautiful and reckless and amazing to an earth shattering sound I can never reproduce clawing its way out of my throat and dragging me to my fucking knees in my garage. I had poured so much of myself into him that I didn’t even have the strength to get off the concrete for 15 minutes. I just laid there and cried when we hung up because I had been so stoic during the call. I remember he had said “Goodnight, Angela.” and I replied coldly with “Goodbye, Christian”.because I wanted to rob him of the opportunity to feel like he would be missed, like all of this meant anything, just like he had robbed me.

Christian was everything I projected onto all of those boys before about how I craved to be loved, and everything I had projected on those goodbyes before him that I fabricated to write gut-wrenching poetry.

The only hard part of that was actually feeling it, and I finally understand that I cannot ever write things because they sound good because someday I will have to feel them and I have to be incredibly careful what I wish for.

I found out in October 2019 that he had gotten into a relationship 2 weeks after we broke up, and all the pain I had tried to pickle in vodka took a new breath of life, and it took me months to build peace with it again.

I didn’t even speak to a boy romantically for six months after that, which actually occurred a week ago... so there’s that for a timeline. We’ll get to present day soon, I swear.

Taylor, my beloved person, my forever friend, is gone. Not dead, just fucking gone. Christian and I had broken up in the beginning of July, she had gone through all that with me, gotten into a relationship with a guy named Ben who laughed like a goose and constantly saddled her with his alcohol issues (totally not judging because I have my own issues with alcohol but she didn’t and I wanted to protect her the best I could because I loved her so so much) (that ‘d’ was really hard to put after love, I guess it’s still raw). September came around, time for my birthday. I wasn’t particularly excited this year because if the depression and alcoholism and crippling loneliness, but she was determined to revive my normal birthday over-enthusiasm. So, she did, and when it came time... she couldn’t seem to follow through. 

She’s a beautiful writer, but I think every writer is guilty at some point in their life of having more beautiful words than beautiful actions, and this was hers.

An extravagant birthday dripping in mimosas and mani pedis before a night of dressing to the nines and going out on the town somehow got stripped down to Walmart face masks and painting each other’s nails at home for the weekend I had requested off work an entire month in advance... and I had to tell her that I could do that on a normal day, but not my birthday weekend. 

She got her wisdom teeth out just days before, and tried to tell me it wasn’t an appointment scheduled months in advance. I told her I was driving to Nashville for my birthday, and we could do a DIY spa day upon my return, but it really hurt me that she couldn’t be bothered to follow through with her promises, even if they weren’t as big in real life as they were in my inbox. She knew it was a dark time for me, and she put forth so little effort to build me back up the way I have always worked so hard to give her a big beautiful life full of laughter and stupid jokes and amazing memories.

We have spoken once since I sent that text. It was an accidental 2am FaceTime butt dial where she immediately hung up and said “sorry I left my phone open in my pocket”. I didn’t respond, and I lost my best friend because I told her that she hurt me, and the best way to deal with that is not to deal with it at all, I suppose.

Treasure and I reunited shortly after this, but not too shortly because I wanted to prove to myself that I didn’t need a “person” or a best friend or anyone because it had been such a horrible year for depending on others that I truly never wanted to do it ever again.

I got all of the best parts of Treasure back, the jokes, the stories, the laughing in unison, making everyone else in the room uncomfortable because the only ones that mattered to either of us was US. We were stupid but mentally sparred regularly, and kept eachother sharp on political, social, and emotional topics, and really worked to support and better eachother. In my time away from her, I grew my own voice, opinion, and sense of direction. This new characteristics allowed our friendship to flourish, and still is. She is still with DeAndre, and loves his son very much. I met him once, he”s smart and amazing and loves me. Her life is so filled with love, and I could see that she had found her corner of the universe. I was so happy to have her back in this new and healthy way, that it almost made it impossible to leave her.

Oh, here’s the kicker: I picked up my life and moved again, but this time? I moved to Seattle.

This is day 22 that I am wrapping up, 

and that’s exactly why I’m back, bitches.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #63

“now it’s you-know-who, i got the you-know-what, stick it you-know-where, you know why, you don’t care.”

tell me about the last thing that made you laugh until it hurt. chelsea showed me a stupid video that had me crying on new year's. i normally wouldn't have laughed so hard, but i was almost drunk. is there a trampoline in your backyard? no. we got rid of ours years ago. what about kids on leashes? what do you think about that? i don't feel much about it, because i've never raised a child. it's funny to see, no doubt, but idk if it's right or wrong. kids can be dangerously ignorant. for whatever reason, your significant other can NEVER have sex again. do you stay with them? duh. i can live without it. how would you react to losing a close friend? same shit, different day. have you ever drunk/eaten a substance in the science lab? no, because i didn't want to die back when i was in school. have you ever led the prayer at dinnertime? if not, do you want to? i have. do you like those sudoku puzzles? 
 i sure do. have you ever taken a course in chemistry? 
 no, i took physical science, which had chemistry mixed into it. do you like to draw?  not nearly as much as i used to... so, tell me about your day. was it good? 
 same old day. woke up, ate breakfast and such, watched my daily gmm. started taking surveys while i listened to music and let's plays in the background. seriously, it's the same every other day. do you have your own web site? 
 well i mean i created the rp forum my friends and i moved to, but it's not "mine." do you frequently add people to your friend’s list that you don’t know? no, never. how do you feel about girls that post half naked pictures on facebook? cover it up, hunny. not everyone needs to know you like that. sorry to be all "conservative," but i hate that shit. what’s your favorite ice cream flavor? vanilla, but with chocolate icing. have you ever considered changing your sexuality? no, i have not. i don't believe you can just "change" your sexuality like that. ever thought about changing your gender? here come the liberals. i don't believe it's possible to change your gender. what is the worst physical pain you have ever felt? getting my former cyst emptied at the er. fuck that. who is the most inappropriate person you know? mmmm... chelsea, probably. has someone ever told you they loved you and you didn’t say it back? yeah. are you satisfied with what you currently have in life? no. like look... i am happy i have a house. i have both parents. we have food. but what i have, both good and bad, is not enough for me to see a happy life possible. how long has it been since you kissed someone? over a year ago. your best friend has sex with your ex. what happens? i'm killing her. your ex wants you back, but you are in a relationship. what do you do? ... fucking kill me. i'd leave my current boyfriend to be with him. what did you do last night? wallowed in self-pity, convinced myself to not kill myself. if someone was to ask you if you were okay right now, are you? no. mom's taking my letter to jason to the mail tomorrow. i feel it in my gut that it's not going to change his feelings for me. do you think you would lose some friends if you gained 100 pounds? honestly, no. i feel that the friends i have now are more serious than that. when was the last time someone gave you a massage? i'm sure it hasn't been since jason and i dated and he'd give me one. when was the last time you were in an amazingly awesome mood? HA. is there something you need to get off your chest at the moment? there's a novel's worth. has the last person you kissed met your father? he has. i don't know how he feels about my dad since the divorce, though. he'd always have to hear me rant and cry about him. have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream? i have. have you ever had to block anyone online? plenty of times. have you ever made a boy cry? i sadly have. do you find guys with facial piercings attractive? generally. who was the last person to insult you to your face? colleen, kinda. what scares you more: snakes or spiders? spiders, i'm not scared of snakes. do you wear thongs? i never have. have you ever done yoga? i used to be amazing at it. many summers ago, i used wiifit to lose about 40 pounds. i mainly did yoga. i was super flexible. would you consider yourself a flirt? not in the slightest. do you have any friends who have an STD? i have a family member who does. are you thinner than your best friend? i am not. have you ever been prescribed narcotics? yeah, xanax and another for anxiety that i forgot... how many rings do you wear daily? just one. i want to repair the one jason gave me so i can wear that one again, too... i think i'll do that tonight or tomorrow. do you get car sick or motion sick easily? does it ever stop you doing things? i don't. did you ever dream of living in a house with a white picket fence? not really, no. after you go swimming, do you sit around in your wet bathing suit with a towel or do you immediately change? i usually sit around for a while. what was the last activity you did that made you sweat? i'm pretty sure i sweat very slightly just when i got the craft box out of the closet. because of my medication, literally everything makes me sweat... it's so embarrassing. when was the last time you used lotion? last time i shaved my legs. currently listening to? "tourniquet" by marilyn manson. just another song that makes me think of how i feel about jason in some ways. give us a lyric from this song. "take your hatred out on me, make your victim my head." besides your mouth, where is your favorite spot to get kissed? breasts or neck. ever jacked a dude off? were you even romantically involved with him? hey, when you "can't" have sex, you find the loopholes, sister. and yes, we were dating at the time. would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot? i'd rather it be hot, but cold's fine. have you ever had fake nails? i have not. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? no. it feels demeaning, honestly. does the person you like, like you back? no, he does not. do you believe ex’s can be friends? if you were deeply romantically involved? fuck no. do you like to text or call more? texting. calling is awkward imo and it's hard to understand the person, at least to me. when was the last time you really pushed yourself to your physical or emotional limits? what were you doing and how did it turn out?   emotionally, right fucking now.  colleen's decided to lecture me again, and i am a hair's width from just... i don't know.  basically, it's taking stupendous amounts of emotional willpower to not go kill myself right now.  i have HAD IT with her.  i won't bore my survey tumblr readers with the full story.  physically, probably the last time i went to the gym, i assume. what's your favorite saying or quote? why does it mean something special to you? how did you come across it?   i answered this in a recent-ish survey.  my favorite (series of) quote(s) takes place in the recent movie "Suicide Squad."  a police asks harley quinn, "harleen, what did he tell you?"  harley's cackling/crying and responds, "he said he loved me." i love the quote so much because i feel it.  bit of villain backstory, harley quinn was driven mad by her boyfriend/former patient, and i'd consider myself to have been through the same (via his absence, anyway, but you get it).  i started as jason's mentor, and i guarantee he'd tell you the same.  then, without him intending it, i've become his fucking slave, shadow, and #1 fan all at once.  i'd do it all for him.  all because he said he was in love with me.  powerful fucking words.  don't abuse them, people. do you enjoy getting dressed up for a night out? what are your favorite places for a "night on the town"?   i like getting dressed up for something that's bigger than usual, but i don't really have "nights out on the town."  i don't do anything even remotely extravagant. what is your favorite classic disney film and why?   does "the lion king" count?  if so, that one.  i can't exactly say why it's my favorite besides simba coming back from a tragedy as the king of the world pretty much, but i love that movie dearly. are you a good liar? under what circumstances do you choose to lie (just little white lies, or bigger ones)? have you ever regretted your choice to be less than truthful?   honestly, when i do lie, i'm rarely caught.  and i'll lie mainly to avoid hurting people, but i confess to sometimes doing it to just avoid confrontation. can you remember the first swear word you ever learned?   no, but i remember the first one i said aloud: shit.  i had no idea it was a bad word.  got a massive lecture in the car. how old were you when you first started to wear make-up? do you prefer others with or without make-up?   late middle school, i think.  and i personally find make-uped faces more aesthetically pleasing, it's why there's such a problem in this world with women feeling ugly without it, but you're still absolutely beautiful without it, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. how long do you need to get to know someone, before you’d think about having a relationship with them?   i don't measure that by time, i measure that by how well i'm getting to know them. is global warming actually happening?   duh. does gpa determine a person's intelligence?   no, fuck this question. do you refuse to talk about your sexuality?   no.  it's not a big deal to anyone. do you have a debit card?   i do not. would you have an abortion if you would otherwise die in childbirth?   no, because i'm not fucking selfish. do you think sleeping is a waste of time? yet you LOVE your dreams, even when they're kinda bad?   i mean, it technically is a waste of time, but we need it regardless. what would you do if your boyfriend got snake bite piercings?   that's totally up to him, i'd love him regardless.  now whether or not i'd find it physically appealing just depends on the person. do you think it's at all possible you may change your religion in your life?  i'm not going to bullshit.  maybe.  DO I THINK I WILL, NO, but do i rule out the possibility, no.  after how pissed i've been at god lately, i wouldn't be entirely surprised if, in the worst case scenario, i became satanic.  god please don't let me. if you were told that you were going to spend the rest of your life with the last person you kissed, would that make you happy?   i would... oh my god.  i would physically break down from joy.  i would sob.  i would bow and praise god beyond all explanation.  i would fucking lose it. who was your first boy/girlfriend and do you still talk to them?   if you want to count him as "the first person who had the 'boyfriend' title," aaron.  and no, we don't.  we're friends on facebook though. have you ever watched the big bang theory, or how about glee?   i've watched and love tbbt, but i've never watched glee. are you considered a “clingy girlfriend?”   i probably would be. do you have a large dog?   she's pretty big, yeah.  we have a boxer. would you ever date someone who watched cartoons?   ... the fuck is this question??  no shit i would!! what was your last dream about?   all i remember is it was the apocalypse and i was back with jason.  he was there with me.  we somehow survived, and demons took over the world after the humans were eliminated.  everyone was trying to be heroes and such by killing them. have you ever seen a crocodile in real life?   i know i've seen alligators, don't know about crocs. if you were drunk and couldn’t walk, would the person you have feelings for, take care of you?   i kinda feel like he would if he was already there, anyway.  he wouldn't like drive somewhere to come watch me, but if he was already there, i'd at least hope he'd be kinda protective... has anyone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?   not only that i didn't want to hear, but didn't need to hear, too.  tell me again my mental illness is invalid, swear to fuck. why were you last scared?   i'm scared of myself now. do you know a secret about your last ex that would embarrass them?   something potentially might, but i doubt it.  i'd never share the information though regardless. were you a hyper or mellow kid?   i was quite hyper.  i miss that. what’s your favorite movie?   burton's "alice in wonderland" do you hate it when everyone you know is sleeping in, so you are bored?   ha ha, sometimes. how much of your time to do you spend being bored? what could cure that boredom?   honestly... almost 24/7.  i've talked about this before: jason left and took my hobbies with him.  because they feel "bad."  i take no pleasure in what i used to enjoy, like games, drawing, reading...  i honestly think the only thing that'll heal that is spending time with jason himself. what are your least favorite kind of people?   people that think mental illness isn't fucking valid is what i feel most hatred towards at the moment. describe an orgasm. (just do it, nobody will judge you here.)   hahahaha omg the person before me answered "god will judge me," i love that.  anyway, i wouldn't know. are you a picky eater?   beyond so. are you hopelessly addicted to the computer?   i mean i guess you could say that, as i'm always on... would you ever take nakey pictures of yourself?   maybe for my husband??? what cause (feminism, gay rights, abortion, etc) are you most passionate about?   abortion does your best friend have any piercings?   ears, and... i think nose.  omg i feel horrible, i'm not sure. what's better: an apology to your face or a nice apology letter?   an apology to your face. has anyone ever kissed you when you REALLY weren't expecting it? was it a good random kiss, or a bad random kiss?   i don't think so, but it's possible... what is the last thing you got a blister from?   i got one from my flip-flop rubbing against the side of my toe. do you remember the song that used to be really popular, 'she will be loved'?   I DON'T MIIIND SPENDIN' EV-ER-EE-DAAAAAY, OUT ON YOUR CORNER IN THE POURIN' RAAAAIIIIN do you have any friends who have never seen you makeup-free?   i don't. what is the worst thing that could happen to you?   the worst thing that could happen to me already happened. do you think age matters in friendship?   in friendships, absolutely not. are you more likely to eat when you’re bored or depressed?   i wouldn't be overweight otherwise. describe the nearest photograph to you?   it's jason and i at our first prom.  we're peeking at each other from around the tree. do you know anyone who has overdosed?   i know of people, but i know none directly.  well wait... my half-sister overdosed, but didn't die as she called the cops in time. the person you have feelings for says he/she wants to have sex, you say?   ... i would. kfc or popeye’s?   i don't like fried chicken. what was the name of the last pet of yours that died?   link, my former rat. have you ever had to evacuate from a natural disaster?   thank god, no. do you have any family members who are cancer survivors?   quite a few, actually.  my mom survived kidney cancer, my grandma lived through thyroid cancer i believe it was, and i think an aunt of mine had breast cancer. when was the last time you went way out of your comfort zone? what happened as a result?   uhhh i guess when i told my former boss i had to quit, and what happened is obvious. is working with animals something you enjoy? how about working with people? what would be your ideal work environment?  well, it's become clear i can't work with people.  i've had two jobs in retail, and each time, i vomited from the anxiety and when i wasn't vomiting, i was living in constant panic mode.  i haven't had a job with animals yet, but that's what i'm looking for.  the ideal job would just be where i work on my own... do you have any favorite stuffed toys?   oh yeah.  i have a stuffed meerkat named rebel from jason, and my stuffed moose named brownie is very dear to me too. would you ever get any private parts pierced?    heeeell no. do you agree with medication to treat mental illnesses or do you believe that they are a ‘stage’ that a person will grow out of?   mental.  illnesses.  need.  to be.  MEDICATED.  just like a person with asthma needs an inhaler, a mentally ill person needs medication, too!! do you ever get really paranoid about how loud you’re breathing?   i do occasionally, yes. have you ever met a person who was convinced they had supernatural powers?   i "met" a woman who thought she was jesus christ, the mother mary, and god all in one person while in the mental hospital...  she scared THE FUCK out of me. what're you thinking of RIGHT THIS MINUTE?   i actually just started thinking of jason's sick grandma outta nowhere a few seconds ago... and now i feel sad.  she was definitely dying while we were dating, so i guess she's gone now... she was a sweet lady, despite not saying much.  she seemed to like me enough. what is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?   okay, i know casual sex is gaining popularity, but me?  dude, FUCK that.  sex is supposed to be a very emotional and connecting experience.  it's not "just for fun" and shouldn't occur everytime you feel horny with someone or whatever. what are you doing right now?   doing this survey, possibly talking to jax if she's still online, and listening to "slo-mo-tion" by marilyn manson. what books, if any, have made you cry?   that i can remember, "the notebook," "a walk to remember," "old yeller," and i think i teared up in "the giver."  there was also this one book about an elderly couple we read in high school, but i cannot remember the name...  i remember tearing up. are you picky about spelling and grammar?   very much so. song you REALLY wanna fuck to?   okay, if it's with jason, i do plan on deliberately trying to woo him into having sex to "heart-shaped glasses" by marilyn manson because uh... this is terrible... but it reminds me of his ex because she always wore heart-shaped glasses and i fucking hate her for MANY reasons and idk it'd just kinda feel like a huge "fuck you" to her lmao.  yes i am a child somewhere in my heart.  just to add to it, when i get sunglasses, yeah... i found heart-shaped glasses on rebel's market and i want them. if you could have sex with anyone, who would it be?   it'd still be jason.  sorry, link neal. do your hands shake a lot?   well, i have an essential tremor that's only gotten worse over the years, so. the mere thought of anyone ever made you... you know... "moist"... downstairs?   omfg do you really have to say that word this question bothers me lmao.  but yeah. i like dirty questions, let's continue! do you masturbate? if not, why? also if not... what's the most tempted you've ever felt? you know you have at least once!   i do not masturbate because i personally find it disgustingly lustful and gross, no matter how clean you may be.  i've been tempted before once, sure.  i had a really hard time one night kinda recently when i was thinking rather sexually of jason, but i did nothing about it. do you get crazy sex hair?   i wouldn't know, but i've had some pretty wild hair from doing sexual things.  my hair was super long when we were together. is everything going to be okay?   i am the wroooong person to ask. have you ever had a pet rat?   four so far, yeah. do you like free samples?   who doesn't?! have you ever made yourself look like a fool for love?   i'm pretty sure i always do nowadays.  to be so obsessed with your ex-boyfriend... it's silly. who was the last person you slow danced with?   jason...  long time ago... has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you?   i'm pretty sure no. at concerts, are you one of those people that push and shove their way to the front, or are you one of the those people that gets there hours before in order to ensure that you get a front-row position; or do you just suck it up and stand wherever you can?   i've only been to one, at which i sucked it up and stood wherever i could. did you ever like jewel?   like one song anyway, but she has an absolutely heavenly voice. when watching scary movies/hearing scary stories/etc, what subject scares you the most?   when women are raped by demons.  just.  let's not. do you think marilyn manson looks good?   ha ha how funny, i'm actually listening to him right now!!  but anyway, VERY rarely, honestly.  in some pictures/videos he looks pretty appealing.