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georgiapeach30513 · 2 years ago

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Stained Like Georgia Clay, Part 7

Summary: Cole takes you out riding

Pairings: Cole Turner X Reader

Rating: explicit

Warnings: explicit sexual content, explicit language, smut, skinny dipping, fingering, oral sex (F&M receiving), swallowing, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 4.8K

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

Cole walks through his parents garage, not looking for anything in particular, just looking. Digging through a few old tools when he comes across something he hadn’t seen in years. His dad’s old motorcycle, covered up and still looking every bit as new as the last time he’d seen it. It was beautiful and kept, and just the perfect thing to enjoy time with you. Cole would never just outright take the vehicle. Tapping his fingers on the body of the bike, he decides it’s best to just go and ask his parents.

He trots into the kitchen, making sure to give his mom a cheek kiss, and then he goes into the living room. Running his fingers smoothly over his dad’s hand, and he looks up at his only son smiling, “Found the old bike,” Cole tells his dad, and grabs the pipe out of his father’s hand who glares at him. “Really? More tobacco?”

“Let me die in peace. I smoked, let me smoke.”

“Why are you mentioning the bike?” His mom brings her husband his breakfast. Her hands pet over his cheek, and then moves to brush the hair away from his weathered face.

“I was wanting to take it out,” his dad looks up at him curiously, but nods his head. “I’m pretty sure everything is still in working condition.”

“You’re very eager.”

“Dale,” his mother giggles at him. Taking a seat at the couch beside her husband she looks up at her handsome son. She was so proud of him, and beyond excited to have him back in her life. “Would this have something to do with the girl you had a date with in the orchard?”

“Yes,” he had been waiting for this conversation. He was a grown man, but still the idea of having this conversation with his mom made him cringe. He had been trying to just enjoy his time with you. By enjoying his time, he was learning to care for you. It definitely wasn’t love, but he knew that it was growing. Wanted to make any excuse to see you. It had become a daily thing at this point. You or him was always showing up on each other’s doorsteps.

“How many weeks has this lasted?”

“Mom.” “Rachel.”

“I’m just saying. You’re a handsome man, I don’t know why you felt the need to be a philanderer,” Cole sighs embarrassedly, looking away from his mother. His crystal blue eyes staring at the ceiling and refusing to make a comment on that. “Oh, come on, Cole. It is what it is. Had I had known you would have taken all the time to get married or give me grandchildren, I would have had other children. So tell me about this girl that has captivated more than just your body?”

“She’s adorable,” Rachel tilts her head to the side with a proud smile towards her son. “She doesn’t want to leave here, but she wants to take time off to be able to travel and go. She likes the ambiance of the small town life, but she doesn’t think like these people. She actually takes no crap from men. No matter how hard they try for a date. She hasn’t dated, and honestly that scared me.”

“How old is this girl, son?” Dale lifts his hand up as if to take a drag from his pipe, only to realize it wasn’t in his hand.

“Twenty. I know, but in my mind I’m probably twenty. It takes a long time for men to fully develop, and yes, I’m taking my time with her. So quit judging me.”

“How did you meet her?” Rachel lifts up a glass of sweet tea, and sips on it a moment. “You don’t get out too much, and then this happened. So I’m curious, how did you meet her?”

“Her parents own the general store,” while Rachel wiggles around a bit, her smile getting larger, Cole turns around to look out of the window. Their house sat right in the middle of the orchard, high on a hill. Nothing but apple trees as far as the eye could see. Except over in the distance, you could see a driveway lined in peach trees, and a small quaint farmhouse. It was like he was destined to have you in his life.

“I had to go in to get some things for the house, and she was there. There was something about her. She doesn’t get involved in the small town talk or the congregation chats. She does her job, smiles, and then works on a book. She wants to be a writer. And she has this sweet little distant look in her eyes, and yeah, I can’t help it, there’s this part of me that wants to take care of her.”

“Maybe because she’s twenty,” Dale chuckles at his own joke, but then with a deep and painful cough, he stops to take a drink of sweet tea.

“No, it’s more than that. She needs me. Like we went to the swinging bridge, and she tried to be all cool about it, and she’s terrified of heights. I had to carry her away from the situation, and I have never felt more — needed or wanted. In that moment she allowed herself to be vulnerable with me, and she barely knew me, and she didn’t care. She just needed me.”

“Son,” Rachel starts, setting her glass down to fully look at her son. He lit up while he was talking about you. She didn’t even know the names of the other girls, and here her son was telling her things about you. What he liked, and maybe even why he liked it. “She sounds young and inexperienced.”

“Wow.”

“No, listen. With girls, it’s different. It just is. You’re literally letting someone into your body. Tread lightly with this. I’m sure her parents wouldn’t think kindly of you making their daughter the talk of the town because of a mistake.”

“She’s not a mistake. She’s…well, she’s different,” Cole bites at his lower lip. It was easy to have sinful thoughts of you dancing around in his head. But honestly, his favorite thing was thinking of the way your smile looked in the sun. The way your melodic giggle always made him laugh right along with you. You helped him forget for a moment how uncertain his father’s life was.

But his favorite was the way you looked while you drifted to sleep on his chest. He had never had that level of intimacy. Completely clothed, and things felt so raw and sweet. And he had never taken the time to notice what someone looked like on him. He was usually calling a cab to get them. You were different. If he could find a way to keep you with him all night, every night, without freaking you out, he would.

“She’s not a mistake, mom. She’s…she’s…”

“Son, you’re going to hurt yourself trying to think of another word besides love,” Cole shakes his head rapidly, trying to deny what he had growing within him. “Fine, keep pretending. The key to the bike is in dad’s office. Have fun today. Take a blanket. You know where would be nice?”

“The pond,” his dad’s voice scratches out. “It’s secluded. There’s a big field there, plenty of trails to go on, and no one to bother you. I think that’s a great place. And it isn’t far from here, in case that stupid bike breaks down. We’ll come and get you.”

“The pond?” Cole thinks about how it was in fact away from everyone. Beautiful untouched land, and one where he had hoped one day he could have his own house built there. It was in a valley, plenty of shade and trees, and complete privacy. No neighbors. It would be amazing. And just perfect to show you around.

Taking a bite out of your sandwich, Loretta stands at the door, pawing on the floor. Her brown eyes turn back to look at you before she starts barking loudly, “Loretta Lynn, you quit that right now,” she continues her barking until you walk out on the porch with her. That handsome man comes up the driveway on a motorcycle, and you can’t help but to feel those pesky butterflies in your stomach. He made you happy.

Stopping only to lean forward on the handlebars, smiling from ear to ear. “What cha doing, Bee?”

“I was eating a sandwich. Would you like one?”

“I think I would,” there was something about the way his foot pushed down the kickstand, and he throws his leg over the seat that had you gulping, and turning quickly to walk inside. With a quick pounding of his feet he comes up behind you. His arms wrap around your waste, and he pulls you flush against his hard body. Cole peppers kisses over your shoulders, and you tilt your neck to the side where he hungrily nibbles on your sensitive skin.

“You thought you were going to walk back inside without giving me a kiss?”

“I didn’t know you wanted one,” it was almost impossible to choke those words out. Your hand reaches behind you, and you weave your fingers through his fluffy locks. Obsessed with the way he was making you feel.

“I always want a kiss from you, Bee. You got some peanut butter and jelly?” With him still wrapped around your waist you waddle the two of you over to the table, and slide a bowl towards him. “What’s this?”

“Peanut butter and apple jelly.”

“Aw, honey, you shouldn’t have. You know a way to a man’s heart, huh?”

“It’s a classic. Don’t flatter yourself,” despite your words, you were softly rubbing your fingers over his forearm. The other hand, back to playing with his hair, and when he pulls off you quickly, he has to look away, pretending he didn’t see that pouty face. “When did you get a motorcycle?”

“It’s my dad’s. I thought you might like to ride around the property.”

“Is it safe?”

“Do you think I would hurt you?” You exaggerate a thinking face, pretending to contemplate if this gentle man would ever hurt you. “Brat.”

“Uh!” There that little stomp of your foot was. You were definitely a brat. “That isn’t fair.”

“Then get on the back of my bike, and go with me. After I eat my peanut butter and jelly though.”

“Fine. But…Do we get to kiss?”

“Whenever you want to kiss, Bumblebee, you just lean in and kiss me,” you bite at your lip, and take a step forward, your finger weaves under a belt loop, and you pull his hip forward, but hesitate, “You can’t be doing that if you’re not going to…” you don’t want him to finish.

With a hand wrapped around his neck, you pull him down to your mouth. Not hesitating to brush your tongue on his lips and tasting the sandwich on him. Cole reciprocates by sucking on your tongue, causing a spew of whimpers to release. Laying his sandwich down, both hands grab at your hips, and he picks you up to sit on the counter. His thick frame pushes in between your legs, and you pull him tighter to you.

Cole can’t help but to pull you closer. Have your ass sitting right at the edge of the counter so you’re forced to wrap your legs around him, and cling tight to his waist. This felt right, and better than anything he could remember. Just kissing you felt better than any woman. Grabbing onto his hand, you place it on your tit, and he pulls off of you with a pop, “We should probably go,” smirking as he glances down at where you put his hand before dropping it.

“Just let me finish my sandwich,” he takes a big bite and smiles through his chewing. “What?”

“Nothing,” you were annoyed. You don't know what you were doing, but you wanted things to go further. You spent every evening with Cole and it was always kissing. Just kissing. You wanted him to touch you. Cole, however, enjoyed seeing you frustrated. There was something about the way you would turn your chin up, and try to act like him pulling away wasn’t bothering you. When in fact, it got under your skin.

Finishing up, he pulls you out of the house, and you leave the lazy Loretta laying in her bed. And you follow an excited Cole out the door. Waiting for him to get on the bike, before you join him. Arms wrap around him immediately as you enjoy a nice summer ride. There wasn’t a destination, just Cole showing you his family property.

He drops his hand randomly, so he can caress it on top of your hand. Your fingers was dangerously low. Settled over his crotch, and he was supposed to not think about it. Had to keep his mind on the trail, and make sure he wasn’t going to hit some tree. He was almost positive you were completely oblivious, and if it wasn’t for your chin resting on his shoulder, he might have lost it all together. Thankfully the pond wasn’t far away, because he could use some cooling off.

You had never been to this part of the town, due to it being private property, but it was gorgeous. Almost wild, untouched, and more than once you saw a few rabbits, turkey, and deer. Cole slows down the bike, before stopping at the edge of water, “Come on,” laying down a large blanket, he pulls off his shirt, and starts kicking off his shoes.

“What’re you doing?”

“I’m going swimming,” undoing his belt and jeans, he pushes them down, and stands in nothing but his boxer briefs holding out his hand. “Come on. You can do it, Bee.”

“I don’t have a bathing suit.”

“Neither do I,” he drops his hand and runs out the dock before diving into the water.

When he disappears, you try to calm yourself. You weren’t prepared for this, but it didn't seem like he was either. You wanted him to touch you. Wanted to do more than kiss, and if you wanted that, you had to quit pushing these moments away. Cole comes out of the water, slinging his hair to the side right as you pull off your shirt. Getting down to nothing but your bra and panties, but with a deep calming breath, you take the bra off.

Arms wrapped around your chest as you walk out the dock. Cole’s head was barely above water, just his eyes as he watches you, and you jump in. The water was colder than expected, but mixed with the Georgia summer sun, it was refreshing. Coming back up to the surface you swim over to the man you were willing to give everything to.

There was a calmness here. The slight breeze mixed in with your heavy breathing and the odd chirp from a bird. “You okay?” Cole asks wading closer to you.

“I can’t touch.”

“It’s deeper than you thought, huh?” Pulling you into his body, you yip as your bare skin touches his, “Hey, I got you,” he peppers kisses over you face. One sweet peck after another. Reaching for his hand, you place it back on your tit. Your eyes wide as you pull back from him. “Is that what you’re wanting, hmm?”

His calloused thumb moves over your hardened bud, gripping tighter until he pinches you, and you lay your head on his shoulder, “Bee? You gonna talk to me, pretty girl?”

“I like it,” lifting you up out of the water a bit, exposing your tit. With his eyes only on you, he inches closer, looking directly at your eyes before his mouth closes around your nipple, “Mmm,” you moan out. His hand kneads your tit while his tongue kitten licks your pebbled peak. Continuing to suck until pulling completely off.

His nose nuzzles along the sensitive area, before readjusting your weight, “Let’s try the other one,” Nearly the same motions, but he keeps a hand on the other breast. Groping and teasing the other. You were mesmerizing. For once you were letting your body do the thinking as you roll your hips on him. Your hot cunt over his abs, and using the ridges to grind over. He pulls off you, and watches you for a moment.

Jaw slack and making the most beautiful sounds, “How does that feel, Bee? You like that?”

“Yeah,” leaning back, letting your tits float out of the water, you smile knowing that Cole was indeed enjoying the view.

“You want a little bit more?”

“Yes, please!”

When his hand goes under water, you were for sure this was the day. It was the moment that Cole was going to take your virginity. He reaches out to the gusset of your panties, and pushes it aside. You feel the pressure of two fingers pushing into your walls, and your head falls back on your shoulders, whimpering. This wasn’t what you were expecting, but you weren’t completely upset about it.

“How’s that? You like fucking my fingers?”

“Cole…”

“Does it feel good?” You nod your head. With your body still moving over him, he looks down into the water. It was a bit murky, but he could see your cunt swallowing his fingers down to the knuckles. His cock hard and neglected, but he didn’t care. The only thing that would make this better would be to have your juices leaking down his wrist. You were loving it. Your fingers could never compare to his thick beefy ones.

“God, you’re beautiful, but that pussy…keep doing that Bee. You’re doing such a good job. You like that don’t you?”

“Uh huh.”

“I bet you would taste just like candy.”

“Taste?”

“Oh, I’m sure no one has feasted on that pretty cunt. It’s a shame I can’t hear how wet I’ve made you,” his tongue pokes out of his mouth, and he draws his lip in. Each word out of his mouth has you riding his fingers with more enthusiasm. Had you taking even more of him. Your walls were so tight around him. He could almost feel you hugging his cock. Letting your walls mold to him. The only man that had ever done it.

“I wanna taste you, Bee. These fucking cotton panties are blocking my view. Will you let me lick on you?”

“Y-y-yeah.”

“You would? You’re fluttering around me,” he pulls his fingers out of you, and you glance up at him pouting. “Don’t worry, Bee. Let’s get to the dock,” but you couldn’t stop, you were so close. “Bee! Quit your pouting, or I might have to fuck you right here.”

“Will you?” Dammit, those eyes. You didn’t know. You couldn’t know, but the look you were giving him, he almost didn’t make it to the dock.

“I’m not fucking you, until you’ve touched my cock. I can tell you want to, but for whatever reason, you’re denying yourself. Let me taste your sweet sweet honey between your legs, and then I’ll show you how to pleasure me, okay?”

“Okay,” you squeak. He lifts you up to the dock, and your legs start spreading. Damn those white cotton panties. They left nothing to the imagination wet. Hauling himself out of the water, you admire his beauty. Beads of water drip down the hills and valleys of his muscles. You could see the outline of his thick cock perfectly. It was amazing he hadn’t ripped through his underwear with the strain it was causing. Reaching out your hand, you palm him, and his eyes roll back in his head.

“Not yet, eager girl,” getting to his knees, one hand on each of your knees, he splits you open. His body lowers down, and he presses chaste kisses over your covered core. Up and down your slit. Looking up at you as he continues. Flattening out his tongue, he licks up your slit, and your hands hold over your tits. “There ya go,” he whispers, sitting up.

Cole’s fingers move under the elastic of your panties, and he pulls down the innocent little panties. Looking up at you as you settle on your back more comfortable, until he stares at your weeping cunt. He thought it was pretty before, but when your legs drop to the side, and he sees the conflict in your face, it makes it that much sweeter. “You’re not doing anything wrong, Bee.”

“I know.”

“I’ll stop whenever you want me to, okay?” Nodding your head he inches closer. His tongue laps up your juices, and he moans at your tangy sweet taste. “I’m addicted,” whimpering out his name, he shimmies closer. Kitten licking up your tight hole, right over your sensitive bundle of nerves. “I want to taste this everyday,” he leans forward, letting his lips circle around your nub, and gives it a hard suck, and your head leans back. Panting at the feeling.

“You aren’t gonna last long, huh? You gonna taste me? Or you just wanna touch me?”

“T-t-taste.”

“Good girl,” he dives in and gorges himself on you like a man starved. Sucking on your clit and pulling off. Two fingers move into your cunt, and he pumps into you. Your hands are still fondling your breasts. Your hips rocking up into his hungry mouth. You were beautiful. Eyes blown full of lust, and finally letting your primal need for pleasure take over.

Your body thrusts with his motions, and he knows that his cock is going to be a tight fit, but he has no problem devouring you, and stretching you out everyday until then. You were beautiful. He could get used to this. Could see himself waking you up with pleasure. Could almost hear your sweet raspy morning voice moan out his name.

Your thighs tighten around his head, and you try pushing him away. You were almost there, but denying yourself a true toe curling orgasm. No words tell him to stop, so he keeps pushing you. Your back arches off the dock, and your walls squeeze around his fingers. When he gives your little pearl a nibble, your hand grabs at his head, pushing him more into your warmth as you completely come undone.

Falling back on the dock panting, Cole slurps up your honey, before moving to his knees, “How was that?” He chuckles, as you narrow your eyes up at him, unable to speak. Words just didn’t work anymore. “You still want to touch me?”

“Yeah,” sitting up eagerly on the dock, nodding your head, “Please?”

“Trust me, I will never deny you my cock.”

“Then fuck me.”

“Haha, you’re funny. I said, you needed to touch my cock before that pretty pussy did. Besides, I’m going to enjoy stretching you out a bit longer. Now, open up,” your face falls, and he stands up taking his thick and heavy cock out of his briefs. A bead of precum on the tip, and he steps closer. “Not gonna open your mouth?”

“Uh-uh,” oh you were playing coy now. Your mouth turned up into a mischievous smile, but you also had your hand resting in between your thighs. Oddly pushing your cunt against it.

He presses his spongy tip on your lips, and paints his salty essence on them. “I hear you, Bee. Breathing hard, and making a mess. Quit playing games with me, and just open up. I’ll make sure you know what to do. Go on. You can do it. Open that pretty little mouth,” you let your jaw go slack, “Stick your tongue out.”

You followed directions so well. Letting your tongue stick out as he softly pushes through your pillowy pout. His hips thrust him into you gently. Brushing back your stray hairs. “There ya go, pretty Bumblebee. Now, grip the base with your hand,” you hesitate. The last thing you wanted was to disappoint him.

“Hey, I’m gonna teach you exactly how I like it. You’re perfect. And my cock is in your mouth, so I’m not complaining. Now, that arm that’s getting covered in your juices, yeah, that one you keep hunching on,” you pull him out of your mouth, getting embarrassed. “Bee! It is fine.”

“You’re making fun.”

“No, I think it’s hot that sucking my dick was making you horny. Now, take your fingers, and get some of that mess in your cunt. I want your slick on my cock,” you smile, but can’t look at him. “Bee, my cock is hard and right there, baby. Later tonight, I’ll let you ride my face if you want. Just get some of your juices on your fingers, we’ll use that as lube.”

Sighing, you move your fingers to your cunt. Cole watches as you gather up your juices, letting your fingers get all shiny and pretty with your arousal, and you raise your hand to his cock, “There ya go. Wrap that sloppy hand around me,” you grip around his cock, and it terrifies you when your fingers don’t touch. He was thick. And you look down at your hole, and have your doubts. “Don’t worry about that now. I want your hand tighter.”

You grip him with more force, and he moans. So tight you could feel his cock throbbing. A vein right under your finger makes you have a need to feel it under your tongue. Holding his cock up, you let your tongue follow the trail until you get to his tip, and you lick at his hole. His musk was intoxicating as you sink over him.

“Oh, yeah, that’s good, baby. Now, mouth and hand work together. Pump me in your fist, and bob your mouth over me,” you followed directions so well. Naturally looking up at him through your lashes has him struggling. This felt so much better than his hand. You definitely looked so much better. Your body is still moving with your motions. Everything was so much. Too much. “Uh! Yeah, right there. Fuck yeah. You’re perfect. Yeah — Yeah,” he says out your real name as he spews into your mouth.

Hot cream fills your mouth, and you swallow it. Letting your tongue lick up any spillage, and still those sweet eyes stare up at him. “Fuck, Bee, I’m sorry. That…perfection. It was just perfect, and I couldn’t hold on. Fuck.”

Cole takes a moment to steady his breathing. Stuffing himself back into his underwear, before he holds a hand down for you to stand with him. Completely nude, you stand up, and his hand goes to your cunt. “I believe you’re wetter now than you were earlier. You enjoy that?”

“I did,” he pulls you in for a bruising kiss. Letting the both of you taste each other’s arousal. It mixed perfectly. Like the two of you were meant to be.

“Why don’t we go in the shade, and take a nap. I know you got to be exhausted.”

“Okay…can…would you want to stay with me tonight? I won’t pressure you to have sex.”

“You’re calling it sex now, huh? You were saying fuck earlier,” you try to look away, but he holds your chin up, “Look at me when you’re asking questions, darling. I’d love to stay with you tonight. Clothes on. No church tomorrow?”

“No. I haven’t been going.”

“Feeling guilty?”

“Not when I’m with you.”

Cole nods his head, but doesn’t respond. Still holding your hand, he leads you over to the shade, and helps you put on your clothes, leaving your bra off, because he liked the way your nipples poked through your shirt. His hand holds over your tit as the two of you become a mess of legs and arms. Keeping turned towards each other, because you didn’t think you could ever get tired of his handsome face.

“You okay, Bee?” You smile nodding your head, and he starts to relax. Cole didn’t want to admit it, but he was falling, and falling hard. He doesn’t close his eyes until your breathing steadies out. He liked watching you. This was not what he was wanting when he came home.

He thought this summer was going to be filled with mundane everyday activities. A bit of heartbreak, because it was inevitable that his dad would pass soon. But then there was this pretty thing sitting in the back of a rusty old ford with baskets of peaches and jars of honey. The prettiest smile he’d ever seen. An odd familiarity surrounded you, and he wanted nothing more than to protect you, and keep you all to himself.

He wanted to make your traveling dreams come true. Let you explore the world, and then wanted to read everything through your eyes. You had captivated him. You first scared him, because he’d never been with someone so innocent and inexperienced, nor did he want to. Until you. You not only were worth it, but you were breaking down his walls of wanting to play the field. He didn't know why you were different, but he saw a future with you. He was willing to put in the time and patience with you, and he just hoped you were willing to do the same.

He brings you closer to his body, and gently kisses your forehead before he settles down. Even your body fits perfectly in his arms. He sighs as his eyes flutter closed. Feelings he had never felt were rising up, and he didn’t know what to make of them. He just knew he liked it more than anything. The sexual part was just an added bonus. You were becoming everything.

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @sstan-hoe @infatuatedjanes @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @peaches1958 @thedarkplume @rebekahdawkins @seitmai @patzammit @openup-yourmind @elrw24 @bxdbxtxh15 @buckysteveloki-me @lilac-tea-time @smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @feyfantome

#stained like georgia clay #young love #summer love #ghosted movie #cole turner #cole turner x reader #cole turner x fem!reader #cole turner x y/n #cole turner x you #chris evans #chris evans character

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royalstydia · 3 years ago

Text

i know

hawk/eli x reader

warnings: kinda sad ?? i’m bringing up that traumatizing haircut shit so

summary: reader comforts eli after his mohawk was chopped off

I felt my heart break a little at the sight of Eli standing there, his mohawk gone. The tears that stained his face and how traumatized he looked was something I never wanted to see again. That night he went home alone, not wanting me to see him when he was so vulnerable.

I went to his house before school for the past three days, but he wouldn’t let me in. I wanted to give him space, but I also knew him well enough to know how much shit is going through his head. A while back, we started dating again and I was proud of him for the progress he made since he left cobra kai.

I released a breath, walking into his house. A perk of being around almost as long as Demetri, was knowing where they keep the spare key.

“Hey, E.” I said, entering his room.

He jumped slightly, before turning to face me. “How’d you get-?”

He stopped when I quirked my eyebrow at him, knowing exactly how I got in. He then looked down at his laptop, continuing to play his game.

I moved to go sit down on the other side of his bed, leaving some distance between us. I didn’t want to overwhelm him. We sat there in silence for a couple of minutes, before I softly uttered “I missed you.”

He shut his laptop off and twisted his body to face me. But, no words came out of his mouth. He avoided looking into my eyes and I knew right off the bat what he was thinking. Hawk had lost a lot of the confidence since the incident. So, it only made sense for him to question why I was here right now and why I would miss this “version” of him.

I decided to let him bring it up first. Instead, I opted to talk about another topic. “We all miss you at school.”

“Everyone at school knows what happened. It’s embarrassing.” He said, lowly.

“Everyone at school also has to see your binary boyfriend sucking Yasmine’s face off. At least you’re cute. Besides, who gives a shit what they think. ” I hummed.

“It doesn’t matter. I ruined my reputation, talked a big game, and just proved I was an asshole. To Miguel, Demetri, and especially you.” He told me.

“We all forgave you, E.” I said, trying to reassure him.

“I still deserved it.”

“No, Eli. You really didn’t” I let out a breath. “Getting your ass kicked into a glass case…that you deserved. But, what they did to you was not okay.” I said, moving closer to him. I lifted myself onto my knees, so I could be face to face with him.

The ends of his hoodie met my fingertips, ready to push it off. He grabbed my hand, stopping me. His eyes met mine and I could see the pain in them. The sight was enough to make me tear up, but I knew I couldn’t.

“Please.” I muttered, loud enough for him to hear.

He nodded, letting go of his grip on my hand. I looked at him, as I pulled it off. He was about to break eye contact, but I quickly grabbed his face. I inched closer to him, glancing down at his lips. “You know, you look pretty hot. I actually really like the hair.”

A small smiled formed on his face. “Honestly?”

“Honestly.” I smiled.

As he was leaning in, I pulled back, hopping off his bed. “It’s training time, baby. Demetri needs you.”

“What? I’m not going back to any of the dojos. I’m done with karate.” He revealed.

“Yeah? And why is that, Hawk?” I challenged.

“I-I”m not Hawk, anymore.” He responded.

I sighed, getting closer to him. I stood in between his legs, resting my hands on his shoulders. “When I see you, I don’t see your mohawk or your tattoos or whatever else. You’re badass without all of that.” I said. “I know how much it meant to you and how important it was. I’m so sorry it’s gone. But you’re still Hawk. And I love you.”

He wrapped his arms around my waist, dropping his head to rest on my chest. “I really needed to hear that.”

“It’s just that I always know what to say.” I joked.

“Same and I think you need to hear me say that I love you too.”

——

roylastydia <3

another one lol anyway next imma be posting rafe cameron smut ;))) also i might start writing for specer reid & i’ll be writing for other cobra kai characters

but anywayy have a good day/night yall

#hawk x reader #hawk #cobra kai #eli moskowitz imagines #cobrakai #eli moskowitz

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chrisevansjellybeans · 4 years ago

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Promotion | Ransom Drysdale

You get a promotion at work but the celebration doesn't go exactly as planned. Ransom has the perfect way to make it up to you.

Warnings: smut, swearing, ransom being ransom but then soft!ransom

Everyone knew that Ransom Drysdale was an asshole. He was mean, sarcastic and blunt to almost everyone he met. But not with you. Sure, he had his moments but for the most part the Ransom Drysdale you knew, your Ransom, was kind, caring and attentive. He made you smile when you were sad. He would always rest his hand on your thigh when the two of you would take drives in his Beemer. And if you asked extra nicely, he would sometimes share his secret talent of playing the piano for you. To you, Ransom was the perfect gentleman.

Except for tonight.

“You’re being a fucking bitch right now, Y/N.” He snapped as he threw his coat over the chair in the corner of your shared room.

“Oh I’m being a bitch because I don’t want you flirting with the goddamn waitress right in front of me?”

He rolled his eyes as he unhooked his cufflinks and rolled up his sleeves. “You caused a scene.”

You let out a humorless laugh as you attempted-and failed-to unzip your dress.

“A scene? Ransom, I very nicely asked her to back off. You think that was a scene? I could have given you a whole Broadway musical if I wanted to.” You hissed, cursing as you still struggled with the dress.

Ransom grumbled as he stomped over to you and unzipped the stubborn zipper. You didn’t even bother to say thank you as you yanked off the dress and threw it on the floor. You could feel the tears welling up, but you refused to let them fall. Tonight was supposed to be special. You had just gotten a promotion at work. One that you had been working your ass off for the last three months. And now the whole night was marred by an argument that didn’t need to happen.

“God, you are so insecure. It was nothing.” Ransom’s glare was heated as he took in the deep maroon lingerie set you had underneath.

“Why are you being such a dick?” You spun around, angrily wiping away the few tears that fell. “You ruined tonight for me.”

“You ruined it yourself, sweetheart. Grow up.” He snapped. He gave you one last look before walking into the closet and changing into a pair of joggers and a crew neck.

You stood there in utter disbelief. Ransom was never like this with you in the last two years that you had been with him. Had everything before this just been an act?

Ransom completely ignored you as he moved about the room getting ready for bed.

“I can’t believe you.” You muttered. Slowly you began getting ready for bed yourself. You walked into the closet and took off the lingerie, your tears falling as you did so. You carefully set it back in the beautiful box it came in and shoved it to the back of your stuff. You threw on a pair of shorts and one of Ransom’s old hoodies, his scent wrapping you in the hug that he sure as hell wasn’t going to give you.

When you walked out he was already in bed, his reading glasses perched on the tip of his nose which was buried in a book. Silently you walked past him and finished your night routine in the bathroom. When you finished brushing your teeth and washing your face you looked in the mirror and winced. You looked exactly how you felt: tired and sad. Your eyes were puffy and red and your cheeks stained with tear trails. You splashed some cold water on your face hoping it would help but it didn’t do much.

Ransom was in the same position when you exited the bathroom. You walked over to your side of the bed but didn’t get in.

“What are you doing?” His voice was still sharp as he let out a sigh and set his book down on his lap.

Your eyes snapped to his and you just shook your head. You grabbed your phone and the glass of water that was on your nightstand.

“I’m sleeping in the guest room.”

“Now you’re really being dramatic.” He laughed. “So just calm down and get in bed."

“Do not talk to me like that, Hugh.” Ransom’s eyes widened slightly at the use of his first name. “I love you but you have been nothing but terrible to me tonight. And I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you that you can’t let one night be about me and my achievements, but I’m so done with it. So I’m going to the guest room because honestly the thought of laying next to you right now is the last thing I want to do.”

You didn’t give him a chance to respond as you stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind you. Your hand was shaking as you took it from the door. For a moment you didn’t move, waiting to see if he would come for you. But he didn’t. So you straightened yourself up and walked down the hall to your room for the night.

-------

You tossed around the bed, unable to find a comfortable sleeping position. You let out a frustrated sigh as you turned on the bedside lamp. Tears of frustration, sadness and tiredness came to the surface once again but this time you didn’t hold them back. You brought your knees to your chest as you cried into them.

“Baby?” You sniffed and looked up to see Ransom slowly opening the door.

“Go away, Ransom.” You mumbled. You could not go another round with him. Not anymore.

“Honey, I’m so sorry.” He ignored your command and walked over slowly before sitting down next to you on the side of the bed. His hand hesitantly reached forward and brushed the hair that had fallen in your face away before using his thumb to wipe your tears.

“Whatever.”

“It’s not whatever. You were right, Y/N. I was being terrible and for no reason.” He tilted your head up so your eyes met his. You could see the genuine regret that shined through his blue orbs.

“You really hurt me tonight, Ran.” You could feel more tears coming.

“I know, baby. I know.” He frowned as he looked down, the shame eating away at him.

“And I’m not insecure in our relationship. Or I wasn’t...If anything you’ve brought me out of my shell. I just-I feel like it’s a normal reaction to be pissed that your boyfriend is flirting with another woman right in front of you.” Your bottom lip trembled as you defended yourself.

“Oh baby, I didn’t mean it.” He looked back at you. “Everything I said back there I didn’t mean. And that waitress had nothing on you. I shouldn’t have let her flirt with me like that and I shouldn’t have indulged in it.”

“No you shouldn’t have.” You sighed, looking away.

The both of you were quiet as you sat there, his hand now resting on your knee as he traced small patterns with his fingers. You could feel him watching you but you couldn’t look back at him.

“Come back to bed.” He said finally. “Be mad in the morning, but please come back to bed. Let me hold my girl on her big day.”

You wanted to protest but honestly you couldn’t sleep without him.

“Please.” His voice cracked as he squeezed your knee.

You nodded and he gave you a small smile. He stood up and held out his hand. Taking it, your body relaxed as he intertwined your fingers and pulled you close to him. His other hand dipped behind your neck and brought your lips up to his as he gave you a gentle kiss.

“I love you. And tomorrow is all about you. From start to finish.” He whispered as he pulled away, his nose and yours still touching.

“Okay.” You smiled. He smiled back and turned off the lamp before guiding you back to the room.

Once you both were snuggled into your bed, Ransom pulled you close so his body was hugging yours. He peppered kisses down your neck muttering “I love you” between each one. His hand that was resting on your tummy slowly moved down, rubbing lightly over your covered mound.

“Ransom.” You moaned quietly as you lightly bucked your hips.

“Shh, baby. Let me take care of you. Show you how sorry I am.” He murmured against your neck. He slipped his hand into your shorts and he let out a small chuckle.

“No panties? What happened to that sexy set you had on earlier?” He nipped at your ear. His fingers moved down and to his amusement he felt your juices coat his fingers.

“Mmmm. You gotta earn seeing that set now.” You hummed.

“Touché.” He laughed. He ran his hand over your clit and gave it a light tap. “You’re so wet, baby.”

“Ransom, please!” You pleaded.

“You want my fingers in this pussy, honey?” He shoved his leg between yours, opening you up more as he pushed one finger in. You threw your head back as he tortured you with slow thrusts of his finger.

“It’s not enough!” You whined, your hips desperately moving with his hand.

“You want two?” He smirked, slipping another finger in. His thumb made right circles over your clit. “Or maybe three?”

You let out a loud moan as another finger was added. He stretched you out as he continued whispering dirty things into your ear.

“Gotta make sure you’re nice and ready for my cock, baby.”

“Look at you, falling apart on my hand like a good girl.”

“Fuck you’re so goddamn tight, princess. Squeezing my fingers like the good little girl you are.”

“Ransom, please. No more teasing.” You whimpered. You turned your head and captured his lips with yours. It was not a pretty kiss; teeth clashing, tongues fighting for dominance which eventually he won.

“Whatever my baby wants.” He grunted, pulling his fingers out. Your body buzzed with anticipation as Ransom maneuvered your body so you were under him and he was hovering over you. He slid your shorts down your legs and pulled your shirt off, his hands brushing across your nipples as he dragged them down your body. Swiftly he flipped you over so your chest was flush against the mattress, your ass in the air.

“My beautiful, special girl.” He muttered to himself.

“Baby.” You whined impatiently.

“I am so proud of you,” he grabbed his cock and lined it up with your entrance. Leaning down he rubbed the tip of his engorged member through your wetness. “You know that don’t you?”

You didn’t have a chance to respond as he sunk fully into you. You gasped, arching your back and pushing back against his hips. Ransom pulled out just enough to leave the tip in before slamming back into you.

“You feel so good, princess.” He cooed, his thumb brushing over your puckered hole. You let out another whine as his motions remained deep and slow.

“Harder, Ransom. Faster.” Wiggled your butt impatiently.

Ransom growled as leaned forward, his arms entrapping you as his chest laid heavy on your back. The vulgar sound of his cock sliding easily in and out of your warm heat had you nearing your release

“Look at me, baby. I wanna see you when you come.” He moaned out. You turned your head, your lips falling open as you took in his lust blown eyes. Ransom captured your lips in a heated kiss. “Let go for me, honey.”

Your body writhed as you let yourself succumb to the pleasure he was giving you. Ransom raised himself up and continued to fuck you through your orgasm, pulling you to another one.

“Fuck!” Ransom’s hips stuttered as he splayed his hands over your ass. He let out a low groan as he spilled himself inside of you.

Ransom fell to the side of you, pulling you close to his chest. You let out a contented sigh as he ran his fingers up and down your arm.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered into the dark room. Even in the dead of night you could feel the intense gaze of his blue eyes.

“I know, Ran. I forgive you.” You kissed his chest, your fingers now toying with the small tufts of chest hair that you loved so much.

“I love you.” He muttered as he gave you a gentle kiss on the top of your head.

“I love you too. Now get some sleep because we are shopping all day tomorrow.” You teased, knowing full well that a day spent at the shops was the last thing Ransom liked to do.

Instead of a groan, Ransom let out a laugh as he kissed you again. “Can’t wait.”

#chris evans imagine #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x reader #ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x reader #chris evans smut #ransom drysdale smut

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years ago

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𝐖𝐡𝐨'𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐨𝐬𝐬? (𝐂𝐄𝐎! 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐨) 𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝

𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝙲𝙴𝙾/𝙳𝚊𝚍! 𝙲𝚑𝚘𝚒 𝙹𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚑𝚘 (𝙰𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚣) × 𝚂𝚎𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚢/𝙼𝚘𝚖! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎)

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝚂𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏, 𝚂𝚖𝚞𝚝, 𝙳𝚊𝚍 𝙰𝚄, 𝙲𝙴𝙾 𝙰𝚄

𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝙲𝚑𝚘𝚒 𝙹𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚑𝚘 𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚎𝚡𝚒𝚜𝚝. 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚍𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚜, 𝚑𝚎'𝚜 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚞𝚜𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚍, 𝚠𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕 𝚋𝚘𝚜𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚜 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚝.

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 𝟼𝙺+

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚂𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚜𝚎𝚡𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝, 𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕 (𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐), 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚓𝚘𝚋, 𝚐𝚊𝚐𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚔, 𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚖𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚢/𝚍𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚢 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚔, 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚍𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚞𝚗𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚡 (𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗), 𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚍𝚘𝚖! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 × 𝚂𝚞𝚋! 𝙹𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚑𝚘

𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝: @little-precious-baby @yunhoiseyecandy @yunhofingers @brie02 @galaxteez @deja-vux @multidreams-and-desires @rvse-miingi @couchpotatoaniki

⊱⋅ ──────────── ⋅⊰

"I expect all of your reports in and in perfect order by tomorrow's meeting at 11 a.m. And I want all of you in there on time. I will not accept even 1 minute of tardiness. Are we clear?"

A chorus of 'Yes sir' chanted throughout the room, the occupants in their respective chairs starting to disperse themselves out of the room. The hushed groans and complaining did not go unnoticed by Jongho's ears, but he paid no mind to them, having grown accustomed to them. He was a tough boss, and he preferred to keep it that way. He enjoyed having people fear him and be too scared to even ask him something, and all of his subordinates seemed to fall in that category.

"Sir?"

All of them except the almost cherry red head girl who was batting her eyelashes at him, a strand of her hair being twirled around one of her fingers. Without breaking his poker face, Jongho held out the folder he had and fanned it in front of her face.

"Hyunjoo, make copies of these to put into the filing cabinets and make sure to save them into the computer as well."

In a rather abrupt way, he practically threw the folder in her hands, but the girl didn't seem fazed, she still continued to smile even as he turned his back to her and walked out of the room.

"Right away sir! Anything else I can-"

Her enthusiastic question was shut out by the loud slamming of the door, leaving her speechless once more.

Jongho let out a deep huff as he loosened the tie that was practically suffocating him as it did after a strenuous day of having to deal with the ineptitude of his employees. He said absolutely nothing as he walked to his car, and stayed just as silent during the entire ride home, the soft ballads playing on the radio being his only companion at the moment. He didn't even feel like breaking out his heavenly vocals as per usual, all he wanted at that moment was to get to his haven as soon as possible and see the two faces he loved seeing after spending grueling hours in front of a computer and a stack of papers.

As soon as he stepped foot inside the cozy house, his nose was hit with the delicious scent coming from the kitchen. Making sure to neatly place his shoes by the rack next to the door and hang his coat on one of the hooks on the wall, he practically dragged his feet down the hallway before turning the corner. His gloomy expression quickly faltered and broke out into a smile as he was greeted by loud squealing coming from the tiny individual sitting in the high chair.

"Hey buddy. You missed me?" Jongho couldn't keep the smile off his face as he picked up the 5 month old baby, his cheeks still stained with an orange hue. The baby made some incoherent guttural sounds, no doubt trying to convey his feelings as he outstretched his tiny hands and began touching Jongho's face.

"I know I missed you." He placed a tiny kiss on his head before picking up a wet tissue to start wiping off some of the puree residues.

Right at that moment, his wife came in and wrapped her arms around his waist. Placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, she tilted her head so she could look at his face more clearly.

"How was your day?"

He shook his head, not wanting to recall his day.

"Same as they've been since you went on maternity leave. Unbearable."

Rolling her eyes at that, she carefully took the baby out of his hands since it was time for him to take a bath.

"Here. You go on and eat while I clean junior here."

Although the baby grunted softly at being taken away from his father's arms, he eventually relaxed in his mother's embrace, his face nuzzling into her chest and soon afterwards he began nibbling softly at her shirt.

"Oh for goodness sakes! You just ate not even 10 minutes ago. You can't possibly be hungry again." Y/N half heartedly complained, bouncing the baby slightly in her arms.

"Well I mean.... I don't blame him for wanting to drink some of your milk."

Catching her gaze, Jongho sent a wink her way that had her blushing intensely.

"You're unbelievable!" She exclaimed as she stomped out of the room to go bathe her baby.

"You're the one who offered me your tits in the first place." He snorted, trying to contain his laughter as he sipped the glass of water he had in his hand.

"Keep it up and I'll extend my maternity leave longer." She called out from the bathroom, the sound of water running being heard.

"No way! I've gone far too long without my personal assistant helping me keep order in that building and helping me stay sane. You promised me you'd come back tomorrow and I'm making you keep that promise." He warned her.

"Are you saying that as my husband? Or as my boss?" She questioned him.

"As both if I have to." He sternly said.

"Neither one of you scare me.....but since I love you both, I guess I'll keep my promise and come back tomorrow as we planned."

Jongho let out a relieved sigh at her answer as his fingers rubbed at his temple, fork aggressively digging into the vegetables on his plate. He honestly had missed working with Y/N by his side. He was feeling rather antsy and impatient about having her come back into the company. And he knew the other employees were also eagerly anticipating her return, since they preferred going to her to get messages across to him when they were too scared to face Jongho themselves. Not to mention Y/N livened up the atmosphere with her fresh and energetic nature, one of the main reasons he fell in love with her.

As he ate, Jongho began to reminisce about how their story started. Y/N had been recommended by a friend to be his personal assistant and she was very proud to work for such an important CEO, seeing it as an opportunity of a lifetime. Jongho, however, of course was extremely tough on her from the start, just as he was with all his other assistants. None of them lasted more than 2 weeks because they just couldn't handle either all the unbearable tasks he gave them or got frightened off by his stern and aggresive form of addressing them. Not Y/N. Even after having her run up and down floors on wild goose chases at times, she still kept her bright smile and positive energy, never once flinching either when he scolded her for doing something that he deemed wrong, which it never actually was, he just enjoyed nitpicking at her. She broke the record and lasted not just 2 weeks, but over 2 years, earning her the admiration and respect of not only her coworkers but of Jongho himself. He became fascinated by her and that fascination turned into love for her.

He pursued her for quite some time, Y/N making him really work for it as payback for all the harsh times he put her through during her first months working for him. Eventually his persistence paid off as she agreed to not only date him, but actually accepted to marry him when he asked her to. Of course, it was a secret no one else knew about, both of them agreeing that they'd rather keep their personal lives outside of work, not wanting others to talk or gossip about them. So at the company they were simply the CEO and his personal assistant, but once they got home, they were back to being hopelessly in love and enjoying their married life which now included their son.

Jongho felt that he was extremely lucky. Lucky to have such an amazing and beautiful wife who had recently blessed him with a healthy baby boy, gifting him the family he always wanted. He couldn't contain his happy smile as he watched her rock the baby to sleep and eventually put him inside his crib. Tiptoeing out of the nursery and joining him in their bedroom, Y/N raised an eyebrow when she saw his expression.

"You doing good?" She asked him.

Nodding softly, Jongho let out a hum before wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Oh trust me, I'm doing just splendid." He let out a chuckle as he pecked her lips.

When she began pulling away from his embrace, he pulled her back in, this time pressing his lips against hers more firmly as his hands went to the back of her thighs and effortlessly picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. She couldn't help the squeal that came out of her mouth when he pushed her down onto their bed, already feeling breathless as his tongue continued to dominate her mouth. Jongho's hands began to slowly pull her tank top down, exposing her soft and squishy breasts that had grown quite considerably since she started her last months of pregnancy and continued up until then.

"You know it's been so long since I've had you all to myself...." He mused as he nipped across her collarbone.

Taking one breast in each of his hands, he gave them gentle squeeze that had Y/N moaning softly. Giving one of her nipples a few kitten licks, Jongho latched his mouth over it, covering her perky nipple and letting out suckling sounds until he felt her sweet liquid come out of her body.

"And I plan on taking my time with you." He finished his previous sentence as he went back to feeding from her milk.

Y/N's fingers tangled themselves on his hair, back arching to allow him to take more of her succulent breasts into his mouth, which he took advantage of graciously. Just as soon as they were both getting lost in their lust, they were interrupted by the small whimpered cries coming from the room next to theirs. Detaching his mouth from his wife's chest, Jongho groaned in annoyance and rolled over on the other side of the bed.

"Seriously? Can't even enjoy some alone time with my wife because junior over there wants to be a cockblocker."

Slapping his arm, Y/N arranged her shirt and got up to go attend to her baby, leaving Jongho laying there in a fuzzy and whiny mood.

⊱⋅ ──────────── ⋅⊰

Stepping into the floor, Y/N was immediately bombarded by greetings and questions from all of her coworkers. The men were fawning over her and thanking her for coming back on such an eventful day while the women were prying about her baby and other motherly topics. Since it was still early, Y/N thought it wouldn't hurt to show off a few pictures of her little bundle of joy. Taking care there weren't any photos of Jongho, she happily showed off her gallery that was full of images of her baby and herself. All of the people around her began cooing and awing at how adorable he was.

"He's so cute!"

"Simply adorable!"

"Does he look like his dad?"

Before Y/N could even answer that question, the father himself cleared his throat behind the little group. Collective gasps and startled wheezes were heard as the people began to disperse themselves back to their respective cubicles or desks. Donning his usual frown, Jongho side eyed some of the individuals before landing his eyes on Y/N, who per usual remained calmed and collected.

"Miss L/N, although no doubt your coworker are ecstatic to have you back I must remind you that we have an important meeting ahead of us and I don't want any distractions to hinder our plans. I'll let this go just this time but I want no more dilly dallying. Are we clear?"

Breaking out into a soft smile, Y/N put her phone back in her purse.

"Crystal Mr. Choi."

The corner of Jongho's lip twitched at hearing her usual response she'd say to his chastising. Y/N knew it affected him too, but she bit her tongue from bursting out laughing right then and there. Checking his watch, he sighed deeply.

"After you finish setting your space up, please gather up the documents needed for today's meeting and see me promptly at my office so we can look over them."

Just as Y/N was about to open her mouth, she was interrupted by a redhead whom she had never seen before during the time she worked there. The girl pushed herself in between them both rather tactlessly.

"Sir, if you'd like, I could go fetch them for you, I know where they are so it'd be faster given that I sorted them yesterday."

Y/N arched an eyebrow up at the new face, scanning her up and down, taking notice of how tight and short her skirt was, not to mention how snug fitted her blouse was, more than just the tops buttons undone to purposely draw attention to her cleavage. The way she was practically beaming at Jongho did not go unnoticed by her, and it was slightly irritating her.

"No thank you Hyunjoo. I want Y/N to do it. Besides I need to catch her up on what's been going on these past months she was gone."

Before Jongho could take one step, Hyunjoo moved to stand right in front of him, a rather bold move that had everyone bracing themselves for what would happen next.

"Anything else you want to say Hyunjoo?" Although he asked, it was quite obvious Jongho was not amused in the slightest bit. Hyunjoo bit her lip nervously, but decided to speak.

"Sir I just thought since it was an important meeting that perhaps you'd prefer to be assisted by someone who has more knowledge and experience in the matter so that there would be no... hindrances."

Y/N did not like the way she drawled out that last word. She did not hesitate to let out a scoff at the brazen behavior of whoever that newbie was. And she guessed Jongho was not happy by her input either given that he was now crossing his arms over his chest.

"There will be no hindrances. Y/N knows what she's doing and I know she'll do an excellent job. After all, she is and will always be my personal assistant."

Y/N couldn't hide the proud smirk that shone triumphantly on her face, especially after seeing the reddened face of the girl next to her, who gave her a small glare before excusing herself to go to her desk. Jongho brushed past her to go into his office, giving her elbow a light squeeze that went unnoticed by everyone else but that made her feel better about coming back to work. She was practically skipping all the way to the elevator and still skipping about when she came to the room where they kept all the documents. She skimmed through the cabinets, checking the dates to make sure she was looking in the right section when she was startled by a voice piping up behind her.

"Y/N!"

She let out a scream and stumbled back into one of the cabinets, hitting her lower back rather harshly before landing her bum on the floor.

"Oops! Sorry. Not how I wanted my welcome back greeting to go."

She allowed the blonde male to help her get up, scanning her to make sure no real damage was done.

"Yeosang what the hell? Why are you always popping up on people out of nowhere?" She grimaced as she rubbed her butt.

"Gotta have some type of fun while I'm locked up in here organizing, filing and documenting papers here you know." He adjusted the frames on his nose bridge.

"Maybe you could lend me a hand and show me where I can find what I need for today's meeting?"

Clapping his hands, Yeosang reached into his jacket and promptly took out a neat folder out that had several papers inside.

"I figured Mr. Grinch upstairs would have you come get them so I took the liberty of stashing them away just for you."

Y/N smiled as he handed them over to her.

"That and I didn't want that bitch Hyunjoo putting her nasty hands on them as well." Yeosang huffed loudly.

"Who is she anyways? She wasn't here when I was."

Yeosang went cross eyed momentarily, looking like he was losing brain cells as he tried to figure out where to start.

"She started out a week after you went on maternity leave. She's just a secretary, but has offered to do some tasks that were strictly reserved for you as Jongho's assistant, which he rarely lets her do. You know how he is."

Of course she did. More than anyone she knew what her husband was like.

"Well long story short like her dirty rags that she calls skirts, it's quite obvious she's trying to get in the boss' pants and we're all surprised he hasn't fired her yet. It's more than clear he's not interested either, I mean come on. It's Choi Jongho, he only looks at a woman or man to criticize them. I don't think he's capable of feeling romantically inclined towards anyone."

Y/N held her head down, pretending to skim through some of the papers to hide the giggle that was threatening to come out her mouth. She honestly found it hard not to laugh when others talked about Jongho like that. It was funny to her.

"So I take it I should be careful of her trying to take my place?" Y/N snickered amusedly, and Yeosang let out a dry laugh as well.

"Please Y/N. We all know no one will ever take your place. You're indispensable here, especially to the big guy up there."

He pointed a finger towards the ceiling.

"Speaking of which, don't keep him waiting. You know how he hates people wasting his time." He made quotation signals with his fingers while rolling his eyes.

Giving her a hug and proper welcome greeting, Yeosang watched her leave, reminding her to show him pictures of her baby when she got the chance which she happily agreed to share with him.

Coming back up to the main floor, she made sure to smile warmly at all her coworkers, a gesture that would hopefully calm their nerves a little for the upcoming meeting, which seemed to be working. They knew if she was there at least Jongho would be a little less terrifying than what he usually was. As she walked by the cubicles, she paused in her steps when she saw that a certain desk was empty, its occupant missing. Looking at the nametag, her tongue poked against her cheek.

"Mingi?" She turned to the nearest person to her, the tall male looking up from his screen to pay her his full attention.

"Where's Hyunjoo?"

Mingi didn't answer and instead pointed over towards the direction of Jongho's office.

"No doubt trying to suck his dick. That hoe."

Both her and Mingi looked over at the coworker next to him.

"Wooyoung!" Mingi chastised him.

"What? Fire me for speaking the truth." He grumbled as he continued his task of stapling a stack of papers together.

Mingi shot her an apologetic look but Y/N quickly brushed it off. Something told her that she was needed someplace else anyways. Her instincts were never wrong. Peeking into the office, she witnessed in disgust as Hyunjoo ran a finger down Jongho's torso. He looked visibly uncomfortable, swallowing hard as he tried to back away from her slowly.

"Typical of him." She thought to herself. "Acting all high and mighty like he's not afraid of anyone or anything yet when a woman throws herself at him, he cowers like a little baby."

When she saw Hyunjoo press her body against Jongho's, she knew it was time to step in. Slamming the door open, her face had a glaring scowl that was quite the contrast to her usually friendly demeanor. Only few people had ever seen it and it truly shook them to the core, even more than Jongho himself since they grew used to his anger. But Y/N? They desperately avoided incurring her wrath, even if it was such a rare sight to see. And it was producing an instant effect as Hyunjoo immediately backed away from Jongho, the latter already bracing himself for a lecture from her.

"Hyunjoo......I believe your station is right out there." She pointed behind her.

Hyunjoo nodded even though it was a statement not a question.

"So why are you not there?" Her foot tapped impatiently on the floor.

The poor girl apologized and quickly sped out of the office, like a puppy with its tail tucked in between their legs. Once she was out, Y/N shut the door behind her and then looked over at Jongho, piercing daggers into him with her stare as she took slow and careful steps towards him.

"Well.....guess I should probably thank you for getting me out of that-"

Jongho let out a tiny squeak when Y/N grabbed him by his collar and pulled his face close to hers.

"I'm gone for half a year and there's already a skank trying to take my place?" She was fuming, eyes burning a hole into his face and Jongho wasn't going to lie, he was always attracted more to her when she got angry.

"Baby, darling..." He cooed at her, hands going to her hips to rub circles around them in an effort to appease her.

"Don't you 'darling' me Choi Jongho. Tell me, did you enjoy having your little pet rub herself on you?" She demanded as she took his hands off her and slammed her own on the desk behind him, effectively trapping him and keeping him from moving.

"I- No! Of course not!" He exclaimed in indignation.

Y/N scoffed dryly as she reached a hand up and placed it on his chest, mimicking the earlier actions of her rival, except whereas Jongho recoiled from Hyunjoo's touch before, it was now different as he began melting into Y/N's touch.

"I don't really believe you, I think you would have fucked her if given the chance." She didn't really believe that sentence herself but she wanted to spark a reaction out of Jongho.

"Now why would I do that when I have the most perfect woman right in front of me? When she's everything and all I want?" He let out a hum as he ghosted his lips over hers, wanting to desperately kiss her at that moment.

"Oh really now? I'm all you want?" She giggled in a mocking tone as her teeth caught onto his bottom lip and tugged on them slightly.

"Fuck!- yes. You're all I want. You're the love of my life, the object of my desires, the mother of my son..."

Cupping her cheeks, he tenderly kissed her, lips perfectly molding against hers as he tried to convey his adoration for her. When he pulled back, he stayed only a few centimeters away as he nuzzled his nose against hers.

"My wife." He whispered those two words so soft as if they were a solemn prayer not meant to be heard by anyone else.

Although his words brought a sense of warmth and fuzziness inside her, Y/N was not about to let Jongho off the hook so easily. He needed to be reminded of something else.

"You're forgetting something else Mr. CEO...... I'm not just your wife."

Jongho grunted when she suddenly pulled him by his belt loops, her knee coming up to rub against his crotch which was starting to swell up.

"I'm your boss."

He watched with amazement as she dropped down to her knees, her fingers making quick movements to unbuckle his belt. Stiffening when her hands squeezed at his bulge, Jongho heaved out a sigh.

"Don't tease me." He slightly whimpered to her.

Quirking an eyebrow up, she sent him a seductive smirk.

"Wasn't planning on it."

Taking hold of the top of his trousers, she made sure to pull his briefs down with them, freeing his hardened cock that was already leaking at the tip. Running her thumb across his head, she looked up to find her husband flushing a crimson red hue, a soft chortle escaping his throat as he realized what she was doing. Pressing his bulbous tip against her lips, she coated them with a warm gloss before pushing them inside the barrier of her teeth, raking the underside of it. That motion alone already had Jongho's thighs shaking. Her tongue swirled around his shaft, giving the head a subtle suckle. At last, she opened her mouth more widely and drove him deeper into her throat until she was releasing a choking sound, a trail of moisture spilling out from the corner of her mouth. Pulling back, she hummed around his length to further intensify the sensation.

"Oh my god." Jongho moaned as his hands tried to reach towards the back of her head, which were quickly slapped away by her.

"Nuh uh my love, we're playing with my rules right now."

Jongho had to steady himself by gripping the desk behind him, resisting the urge to buck himself up into his wife's throat. He let out sharp gasps and groans when she gave him a particularly long slurp, gurgling melodies practically coming out her mouth. He filled her throat to the brim, his dripping organ stroking against her tongue each time she moved it to and fro. Instinctively parting her knees, she reached beneath her skirt to touch herself, finding herself to be dripping as well. Raising her eyes upwards, she saw Jongho's head thrown back, mouth open and spilling out melodic hums of bliss and lust as his pelvis began to thrust faster against her face, chasing his upcoming release with a determined intensity. Feeling his thighs tighten and his cock twitch, she knew it was only a matter of time before his hot liquid would spurt into her throat. Wanting to please him, her mouth began a mix of lapping, sucking and licking at his length, soaking his flesh until long pools of saliva came trickling down her chin and onto her neck. Her mouth kept moving back and forth, heightening his excitement until he began pumping his climax into her, his seed flowing down her throat which she swallowed generously.

"Oh fuck! Oh God!" Jongho cried out, not caring to keep his voice down as he had just had one of the most exhilarating orgasms after months of only having his hand to keep him company during those needy moments.

Pulling out of his wife's mouth, her lips glistened with a blend of her spit and of his cum. Getting up from the ground, she pulled out her hand that had during this time stayed between her legs, her arousal glowing on the tip of her fingers. Holding them up to her husband's face, she smeared some of it across his lip.

"Suck."

His mouth parted instantly as he graciously accepted her fingers into his wet cavern, licking off the sweet juices from her core. She watched him with utter fascination, always loving how he was always so pliant with her every command. Once sure he had licked her clean of anymore secretions, she pulled her hand out of his mouth and quickly replaced it with her own. Their tongues danced around each other as their arms wrapped around the other's body. Pent up desire and weakened passions were flowing through every touch and caress of their hands. They both realized just how much they had been missing each other's bodies, forgetting about their needs up until that moment. Pulling away with reluctance to catch her breath, Y/N looked up at the already disheveled looking male in front of her and smirked.

"Hop on top of the desk.......Sir." She whispered that last word in his ear, biting down at his earlobe.

His shivering body did not go unnoticed by her and she was more than delighted to watch as he practically cleared the desk, letting papers and other utensils scatter on the floor as he sat up on top of it. Reaching back inside her skirt, Y/N dragged her now soiled panties down her legs and set them off to the side, already knowing what she would do with them later. Climbing on top of Jongho's lap, she took hold of his cock one more time and began to pump him slowly, getting him worked up once more, his soft tender skin becoming erect and hard once again. Noticing the way his eyes peered at her slight cleavage, she used her free hand to unbutton her blouse before pulling her bra cups down enough for her breasts to pop out. Jongho swore he could cum at just the sight of them, nipples poking out and gleaming with the hints of milk oozing out.

"Suck on them. Drink mommy's milk up. After all, they're for daddy too." She encouraged him with a giggle.

His mouth devoured her breasts. He gnawed at the stiff buds of her nipples and suckled against her until her sweet nectar began trickling onto his tongue. Y/N arched her back and began spilling out erotic moans, teeth biting down occasionally at her lip as she couldn't handle the overwhelming pleasure of having her husband feed on her breast milk. Jongho was enjoying himself as well. She was moist to the point of being succulent. His tongue slipped against her fleshy mounds and he could feel himself choking on the rich taste she produced. The more he worked on sampling her flavor, the more she sighed and panted as she pushed her chest more out to him. All throughout this, her hand never stopped pumping at his length.

Jongho whined when she suddenly pushed his face off her chest, a tiny trail of milk being left on his lip. Gripping his base more firmly, she placed him right at her aching entrance and sunk down on him with no warning, causing his breath to hitch.

"I'm gonna fuck you Jongho. Fuck you til you're a crying mess to remind you who this dick belongs to. And you're gonna take it like the good slave you are. Got it?"

He nodded his head furiously, wanting nothing than to feel her take advantage of him, use him as she pleased. With an evil smile, she reached for the discarded panties she had momentarily forgotten about.

"Oh...and I guess we better keep quiet. I know I can keep it down. But you? You need a little help."

Jongho spewed out pornographic sounds as she stuffed his mouth with her panties. He could taste her sex on his tongue but he had no time to fully enjoy it when she suddenly began to bounce herself on his cock. When he tried to grip at her hips, she caught his wrists and slammed them down on the desk, his back hitting against the hard wood, but he didn't care. He was too immersed on the excruciating pleasure of having her tightness press around his cock. The desk underneath them rocked with every one of their sinful movements, no doubt alerting anyone within a few feet near the doorway, perhaps even further down. And that's what Y/N wanted. She wanted to make sure all the people outside finally understood that Choi Jongho was hers, hers only and no one else's. No one could ever take him away from her because she had him wrapped around her finger.

"Look at you, you look so pathetic. My dirty panties in your mouth, my hands keeping you from moving as I bounce myself on your cock."

Once again she felt the familiar twitch of his head warning her he was going to bust at any moment. It only fueled her to grind down on him harder.

"Who would have thought the powerful and mighty CEO would be nothing more than a little slut? Eager to get his dick wet enough to bend down to his assistant. You were so fucking easy my love."

Her mocking and teasing only helped in having him spasm underneath her, his orgasm ripping through his body in such an extreme manner he thought he would go insane. But Y/N didn't let him fully come down from his high when she began rutting herself once more on him, this time with more force and vigor that had Jongho crying out. His eyes began to became filled with tears, muffled pleading incoherent due to being gagged by her underwear. Before he could even comprehend what was happening, another orgasm was being forced out of him, his seed overflowing from inside Y/N's core that it began to cascade down into her inner thighs, droplets even falling onto the furniture underneath them.

"Even with your mouth occupied you still manage to be such a loud brat, I bet this entire floor can hear you. What? Is that what you want? Want all your employees to hear as I fuck you like my personal sex doll?"

Jongho's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he heard her words. He hated admitting it but having her degrade him, talk down to him and reduce him to nothing more than a pleasure toy never failed to make his toes curl.

"Maybe you do and that's fine. I want all of them, especially that little skank to hear as I ruin you. Let them know who's really in charge here."

Y/N's movements became more sloppy as she felt her own climax approaching, her walls squeezing unbearably down on Jongho's dick. Her breasts were jiggling with every move, adding more sensuality to the already wicked image of her riding her husband's body.

"Can you cum once more for mommy? I know you can. Daddy can definitely give mommy his cum one more time right?"

Jongho nodded, grumbling something that was not understandable. With a prideful look, Y/N raked her hands across his chest.

"Fill my pussy up once more love. Knock me up with another one of your kids. Wanna get pregnant once more by you. Fuck!"

She cursed loudly as she began shattering on top of him, chest heaving as she released her juices onto his thick cock, which was also pumping out the last remnants of his seed and coating her walls profusely. Jongho fell into a spiraling oblivion of pleasure, unable to feel anything but his throbbing dick pulsating around her heat as it milked him out of every last drop of his cum. He was in heaven, even if it was a sinful act they just committed.

Y/N let out a hiss as she pulled out of him, a long trail of sticky cum pouring onto the desk and even dropping onto the carpet. Her legs felt wobbly as she tried to walk, the numbness in her feet soon turning into a pins and needles sensation. Taking her panties off his mouth and stuffing them into his pocket, Jongho quickly fixed himself, zipping his pants back up and getting up just in time to catch his darling wife before she tumbled onto the floor

"It's ok my dear. I got you." He sweetly smiled at her and rubbed at her sore lower abdomen.

"I love you." She suddenly said.

Tilting her chin up, he kissed her temple.

"I love you more, so much more." He confessed.

"Enough to let me take the rest of the day off and go back home?" She made puppy eyes at him.

Jongho bursted out laughing at her question, nuzzling his nose against the crook of her neck.

"You're so funny babe.....nice try but no. We still have a meeting today." He reminded her, which earned him a huffing spouse.

"Have I ever mentioned I hate my boss?" She nudged him away, to which he snorted.

"Darling let's be real here. You're the real boss here. And I wouldn't have it any other way."

⊱⋅ ──────────── ⋅⊰

467 notes · View notes

spencersawkward · 4 years ago

Note

i’m so happy ur on tumblr now!! i love between the lines so much, could you write a blurb or one shot about mgg and a younger co-star, but like very spicy if possible 🙃, idk i just love that scenario🥵.

i was literally about to write "omg i love this concept too!" and then i was like “well no fucking shit, sophi.” lol. YES i can 10/10 write you a one-shot with a similar scenario! also thank you for your kind words that was the first fic i ever wrote so it’s very near and dear to my heart!

summary: reader goes to a holiday party with her co-stars and best friend, Matthew... but all the fun happens in the dressing room.

content warnings: this one is quite dirty but i’m also proud of it lol. unprotected penetrative sex, oral (female receiving), degradation, use of the term “little girl,” creampie, age gap. dirty talk?

pairing: Fem!Reader/Matthew

word count: 4.7k

masterlist

"no."

"what do you mean, 'no’?” Matthew laughs, looking between me and the mirror.

"I look like the Ghost of Christmas Past." I lift up the soft white tulle of the dress, watching it float back down to settle over my skin. he's got his eyebrows raised and there's a smirk on his lips like he's holding back a laugh. I resist the urge to reach around and hit him.

"would you rather wear that?" he points to the punch-stained gown that's now laying pathetically over the back of the vanity chair. I genuinely ponder the idea for a moment.

"honestly, the crime scene vibes might work well with the theme of our show."

"seriously, it's not bad, Y/N!" he insists, drawing my attention back to the mirror.

"you're just saying that because you're the one who spilled on me and you don't want people making fun of how clumsy you are." I cross my arms over my chest. he gives me a dubious expression in our reflection on the wall.

"do I seem like I care about that?" he challenges.

"I--" the truth is that no, Matthew is not the type. Matthew is the kind of person to flounder in front of anyone and proceed to crack a joke about himself. he's humble. but I kind of like when we talk like this, our back and forth.

after a year of working together on the same show, he and I have grown incredibly close. I'm friends with all my co-stars, but he and I just have the natural friendship chemistry that makes me want to spend all my time with him. when we're not on set, we're hanging out on his couch or ordering dinner or driving out of town to check out wacky sites around California. we just have fun. pure, clean, honest fun.

of course, in my dreams it isn't pure or honest. frankly, there's a lot of sordid scandal to what goes on in my head when he accidentally touches my arm or brushes his fingers over mine. the amount of times I have gone to cast parties trying to work up the nerve to kiss him are embarrassing. he's older and more experienced and, obviously, he has no interest in me.

but that doesn't matter.

the only reason I'm standing in a dressing room alone with him is because he knew someone on the crew who could hook me up with a replacement for the night. he left while I slipped out of the old one and came back in only after knocking and checking, like, twice to make sure I was decent. he's so respectful that it's almost like he's afraid of making me think the wrong thing-- which makes me feel absolutely stupid for my almost schoolgirl crush.

"come on, you look great. let's go enjoy the party."

"was this a dress one of the victims was wearing?" I ask with a laugh.

"probably. not like we carry a lot of gowns on set." he grabs my hand, makes my heart leap into my throat. he only does it to urge me along, but it still feels intimate as I follow him out of the room, tossing one more evaluative glance at myself in the mirror. I seem terrified.

we continue to do our rounds at the party, Matthew filling my glass of eggnog even though I hate it. I wince and take a sip while we talk to some of our co-stars.

"what's wrong with you?" Shemar chuckles at my expression.

"lost a bet."

"with whom?" he glances between Matthew and me, knowing damn well already from the mischievous grin on the former's face.

"I told you not to take it." Matthew says over the rim of his glass.

"if you mention it one more time, I'm gonna throw up eggnog all over your outfit." I threaten him, but we're both smiling. Shemar frowns.

"what was the bet?"

"you know David-- the guy I was telling you about?" I reply quickly, determined to give my side of the story. Shemar nods; I told him last week when David oh-so-chivalrously danced up on me at a club and asked me out. usually in those situations, guys just want a one-night stand, so I was impressed and agreed. "anyway, Matthew said if it turned out that he was a weirdo, he would get to pick my drinks for the next week whenever we go out."

"your drinks? that's specific."

"she's so picky!" Matthew teases me.

"leave me alone, you dick!" I elbow him and he dodges just in time.

"tell him why he was a weirdo." he grins. the glare I give could kill. but Shemar is waiting expectantly for me to share the information, so I sigh and set my jaw before telling the truth.

"he collects antique dental tools."

"what?" Shemar laughs disbelievingly. I throw my hands up.

"I don't fucking know. we went back to his apartment and he showed me his whole collection."

"you're attracted to weird people, Y/N." Matthew says. I raise my eyebrows and almost say something that dooms me. I hold my tongue, however, and turn back to Shemar with a reserved smile.

"anyway, how are you?"

...

the cast holiday party is actually pretty fun. I tend to leave these functions early in favor of my couch and some ice cream, but something about the bright colors and the smell of wintergreen in the air makes me want to linger in the studio.

I stuff myself with sugar cookies and Matthew mercifully lets me switch from eggnog to Sprite. normally, I'd drink at such an occasion, but I'm a messy drunk and this is one of my first real jobs as an actress. I don't want to even come close to jeopardizing that by breaking some expensive equipment or something.

my throat gets a little sore from all the talking I do-- Paget and I spend about half an hour horribly belting out Christmas carols at the baby grand piano they brought in. they originally had someone hired to play it, but the guy disappeared about an hour ago.

by the time it hits around ten pm, my limbs are tired. I thought people would be leaving (a lot of them have families), but the party is still very much raging when I start to wind down. maybe it's because I'm sober.

"hey." Matthew sidles up next to me as I sit at the piano bench with a slice of lime in my mouth. I like to suck the juice out of them; sour things are my favorite.

"hi." I pluck the fruit out and drop it back into my soda. he sits next to me, his cologne filling my senses with the kind of sensual warmth that it shouldn't be making me feel. he always smells so good.

"ladylike." he gestures to the movement.

"is that why you call me 'princess?'" I smirk, half-joking.

"once-- I called you that once!" he defends. it's not a lie. he used the nickname when he was mocking me for my somewhat selective food preferences. it was sarcastic, but I wish it wasn't. something about the way he said it in the moment made me blush.

"is there a reason you've come to grate my nerves?" I raise an eyebrow and he turns away from me as he bites back a smile. I pout. "what?"

"you're talking like a Jane Austen novel."

"what's wrong with Jane Austen?" I defend, skin heating up. his proximity is doing things to me that it shouldn't.

"nothing," he glances at me before moving his gaze to the ivory keys. "do you play?"

"elementary level, sure." I giggle. he runs his fingers over them, never pressing down hard enough to release a sound. I'm entranced by the delicate nature of his actions, the veins and the curve of his fingertips, the sheer width of his hand. I think about it too much for it to be healthy.

"show me." it's a direct order, one that doesn't feel directive but still ends with me placing both hands on the piano and wracking my brain for something to play. I decide on a piece that Paget and I were doing earlier, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."

I've never been quite good at piano, and the nearness of his body is like an anvil on my fingers, but I play anyway. and it feels good. his eyes are on me, drawn to my tracings over the instrument as they press and lift and glide.

"sing." I tell him.

"no!" he protests. I don't stop playing, only now getting into the thick of the tune.

"oh, come on. just the chorus..." I plead, turning my head to beg. "please?"

I bat my lashes playfully, fully intending it as a joke, but Matthew softens a bit. for a fraction of a second, I think he looks at my mouth. he turns his head back to the piano and lets out a quiet "here we are as in olden days... happy golden days of yore..."

"there you go!" I egg him on, and he starts to get more into it. his voice is absolutely off-key; he's no singer, and somehow that makes him even more endearing to me.

Matthew has always been this flawless, intimidating figure in my mind. even when we first met, I was certain that he was hiding something because everything else about him is so... perfect. he's funny, sweet, genuinely kind, handsomer than hell. it didn't make sense. but knowing that he can't carry a tune makes me feel a bit better. it humanizes his beauty.

while he sings, I can't help looking at him. his side profile is even more enchanting; the curve of his features meeting a smooth elegance in his jaw and cheek, especially when his mouth is open. he catches me smiling at him and returns it with his own gleeful face, now totally fine with singing like a fool in front of everyone. nobody is even really looking at us-- they're several drinks in and lost in their own universe of drunken laughter.

there's something kind of magical about that, I think. we're sober. when the song draws to a close, I lift my fingers off the keys and into my lap.

"you're quite the Pavarotti." I joke.

"the who?" he furrows his brow with a smile.

"he's a famous opera singer."

"oh," he laughs, "thanks, Mozart."

I twist my face up as I hide my smile. this is also part of the reason I could never tell Matthew how I feel; we just fit together too well. he almost always gets my references and I understand his, even though there's an age gap between us. he's an old soul with a youthful heart.

"how's your night going?" I ask him softly, changing the subject. he sets his hands on his lap, absent-mindedly toying with his fingers. it's not a nervous tendency at all. he does it whenever we're on set.

"as of right now? pretty damn good." he replies with a smile. I get warm again at the implication. he doesn't mean it like that, but god, do I wish he did.

"very smooth." I compliment appreciatively.

"how about you?"

"it was kind of boring, but then this rando sat next to me and started singing Christmas songs and it got a little better." I say flatly, grabbing my glass off the top of the piano and running my fingertip over the rim. he drops his head in a giggle.

"you're something else."

"insult?" I clarify.

"definitely a compliment."

"I like compliments."

"well, I wasn't lying before. you look really beautiful in that dress."

"the murder dress?" I glance down at it to hide the absolute wideness of my eyes at his words. he's completely flustering me and I'm starting to find it hard to breathe. he said I look beautiful. not "pretty," not "great"-- beautiful.

"yes, the murder dress." he gets a little pink in his cheeks, and that makes me want to explode on the spot.

"well, say goodbye to it because I'm gonna go change back into my plebeian clothes," I stand from the piano bench. "it's past my bedtime."

Matthew looks up at me with an unreadable expression and I feel my heart flutter in my chest. I hate leaving him. "do you wanna come with me? like-- walk with me?"

"sure." he nods, stands, and follows behind. I can feel his presence like a delightful reminder of the emotions surging in my stomach. we wind through the crowd of party-goers until we end up back in the dressing room, away from the party. it's quiet.

Matthew walks in with me, carrying our drinks in his hand, and he's about to stroll back out so I can change when I touch his arm. the door shuts automatically behind him.

"wait," I swallow quickly. "can you unzip me?"

"oh." Matthew looks at me, then at the glasses in his arms, then at the vanity. he sets them down and comes back quickly, his frame behind me while his fingertips locate the little piece at the top of my gown. my breath hitches in my throat when he brushes over my spine by accident, one nail dragging accidentally against my skin as the fabric slowly gives way. I don't know if he hears it-- it's nearly imperceptible-- but he definitely hesitates once he reaches the place where my back starts to curve into my ass. he pauses, doesn't breathe until he reaches the end of the zipper.

"there you go." he mutters. his voice is a little more hoarse than usual, and he clears his throat as he steps away. I know he's going to back out. he's going to back out of the room and wait for me to slip into nothing and I know, somehow, that he's going to be thinking about how I look in here with my clothes off. he's going to wish he stayed.

and I'm going to wish he'd done more than stayed.

before I can lose my nerve and allow the moment to be swallowed up by practicality, I shrug the straps of the dress down my shoulders and let gravity take over. it drops to the floor, leaving me in only my bra and panties. I can sense him behind me; he's silent for a moment.

"Matthew." I say, the name sitting on my tongue like a sugar cube. perfectly formed, slowly dissolving.

"y-yeah?" he stutters for the first time since I've met him.

"are you looking at my ass right now?" I ask, still turned around. the way he's frozen in place tells me that I'm right.

"yeah." he admits.

"you can touch it, if you want." I murmur softly. part of me doesn't think this is real, the way each sentence leaves my throat like it's been pre-planned. truly, I don't understand how my brain is moving so quickly.

"are you... sure?" he's hesitant, but even I can taste the longing.

"yes."

his hand smooths over my butt, softly at first like he's still not believing his own eyes, before moving back to grab it. he squeezes the flesh, and a low exhale from him tells me that he's excited.

"do you want more?" my voice barely carries. my head is almost foggy from how good it is to have his grip on my body, even in such a simple way. I can feel myself getting wet.

"how much more?" his lips brush over my shoulder and I get goosebumps. my mouth opens and closes for a moment, searching for the right words.

"however much you want."

it's flint and steel, the way he sparks. the air literally leaves my lungs when Matthew grabs my hips and spins me around to face him. my lips part as I peer up at him, at the lust that now darkens those hazel eyes and the way he holds mine. his touch is certain. he pulls our bodies together, tilts my chin up to kiss me.

it's passionate, strong, the kind of kiss that causes me to lean back a bit just to receive the full force of his desire. but I return the affection easily, moaning into his mouth. I've never been held the way that Matthew holds me. like I'm made of sugar glass, like he wants desperately to feel the soft give of my skin and make a home of me.

the heat between our bodies is almost overwhelming, and I sigh when he subtly pushes our hips together. his erection is against my stomach.

"fuck." I mutter when I pull away for air. Matthew doesn't stop his perfect movements, though, tugging my earlobe between his teeth and starting to leave love bites up my skin and over my shoulder. he chuckles against my throat. I shiver.

"you alright, little girl?" he asks.

"just--" I let out a moan at the sensation of his fingers exploring my bare waist. he reaches behind me to unclasp my bra. "just surprised."

"about?" he slides the straps down my shoulders and looks me in the eye. the lack of physical contact makes me whine.

"that you want me."

"how is that surprising?" he smiles, using one index finger to guide me to look at him.

"you don't seem like it."

Matthew raises his eyebrows as if I'm a crazy person. truly dumbstruck. "what?"

"you-- well, I don't know." I frown, but Matthew takes my hand and moves it over his torso until my palm is resting over the considerable bulge in his pants.

"is this enough proof?"

I struggle for words, sputtering. "yeah-- yeah, it is."

he bucks into my hand a little and I bite my lip, eyes moving up to meet his. something passes between us that I don't fully understand, but feel in my bones. I have never, in my life, wanted someone to fuck me as much as I want Matthew to fuck me right now. my jaw clenches.

"I need you." I tell him like this is the most relevant piece of information that will ever pass between us. he smirks.

"yeah?"

"mhmm."

"then lean against the wall and let me give you what you deserve." he orders. for a second, I try to think through what he means. then I look behind me at the open space and back up, him following me closely. his hands move up to cup my breasts, kneading and tweaking my nipples as he kisses my lips. the coolness against my back causes me to gasp, and he swallows the sound with his tongue before moving down my body.

he's torturously slow, taking one of my nipples into his mouth while he shrugs off his suit jacket. he switches to my other peak, one hand splayed over my stomach, and then proceeds southward with his lips. his kisses are delicate, open-mouthed, as they find their way to the waistband of my panties.

he hooks his fingers in them and looks up at me.

"can I eat you out, baby?" he asks. I bite my lip.

"please." like a beg.

"oh, you're polite tonight." he smirks, tugging the garment down my legs and discarding it somewhere in the room. I don't respond, and he doesn't seem to need me to, because he pushes one leg up for better access to my pussy. "let's see if it lasts."

my back curves off of the wall involuntarily when he holds the flat of his tongue against my clit suddenly, trying to roll my hips against his face. my fingers tangle in his hair, one leg resting over his shoulder.

he starts to flick at my clit. I lose grasp of my own language.

"Matthew, that feels so good, I--"

he attaches himself to my bundle of nerves, seemingly turned on by the sounds I'm making for him. he groans as he laps at the wetness between my legs, dipping into my folds and sucking the soul out of me. I whine and use his curls as leverage to gain more friction. he peers up at me.

"needy little girl." he mumbles against my pussy. I shove him back into me.

"make me cum, then." I beg. I can practically feel the devilish smirk on his face as he devours me like he'll never get enough. every twist and lick of his tongue is sending me to new places. I'm panting, chest heaving, while I grab my own tits and buck into his mouth.

he moans. my orgasm hits me like a wave, causing me to nearly thrash with pleasure as I cry out.

"Matthew, keep going, fuck yes!" I feel tears prick the back of my eyes, the culmination almost too much to bear as we hold contact. he stares into my fucking soul as he eats me out, and I want to stay like this forever. it's hard to support myself with my legs going weak, but I love it. the sensations are otherworldly. it's only when I'm about to collapse that I push his face away from me.

"I love your pussy." he tells me, licking his lips as he sets my legs down. I grin and let my head fall back against the wall.

"thanks."

"come here, princess." he takes hold of my hips and guides me over to the mirror, turning me so that he's standing behind my frame. the pet name causes me to smile.

"what?" I reference our reflection. he stares at me, reaching around to squeeze my tits.

"I wanna fuck you in the mirror." such a vulgar thing, said so beautifully. he kisses my cheek. "if that's okay with you."

"I don't care what position we do as long as you're fucking me." I breathe honestly. he chuckles and draws me towards him so his clothed boner is against my ass. I reach behind and work the button on his pants. he undoes the ones on his shirt. we're silent, him watching my naked body move like he's trying to memorize every detail.

when he's finally stripped, he lets me stroke his cock for a couple moments before pushing my upper back forward so I'm holding onto the sides of the mirror. I see him biting his lip as he lines himself up at my entrance.

"you ready?" he checks. I nod and he smiles at me once. pushing in, the smile melts into a jaw-dropped haze, eyes rolling into the back of his head. "Y/N..."

"it's so big." I try to breathe. he's so deep, I grip the mirror until my knuckles turn white. he's going to snap my body in two with the angle of his cock, filling me easily.

"tight little thing." he grunts as he holds himself inside. I can only watch in shock as I try to adjust to the sheer feeling of him. Matthew runs his hands over my sides, my ass, touching whatever he can. "how's that?"

I start to wiggle my hips and he groans at the feeling of my walls desperately swallowing him up. "Matthew, I need it."

"need what?" he thrusts into me and I have to fight a scream.

"need you."

"fuck... yes." he hisses out, sliding into me. "you're so wet I don't even need to try."

I bite my lip to withhold my sounds and he stares me in the eyes in the mirror as he starts to fuck me harder, building a pace with his hips. he growls a little if he hits certain angles, getting ruthless.

"so many times when I wanted to be inside you, princess..." he trails off. I start to play with my clit with one hand, using the other to stabilize myself with the mirror. the idea turns me on.

"when?"

"whenever you have attitude," he pants. "tonight, in that innocent fucking dress. making me wanna pound you like a little slut."

I make a high-pitched sound at the shudder of pleasure that jolts through my stomach at his words, wanting more. I've never heard him talk this way before.

"Matthew, shit--" I rub myself in circles, caught between watching his face and watching the way his hips slam into mine.

"you're begging to be fucked, you know that?"

"am I?" I smile sweetly in the mirror. we're in our own world, locked in a fantasy that I never want to leave. I can feel him in every corner of my body, sinking beneath my skin. he digs his nails into my ass.

"mhmm." he hums. I can feel the familiar weight in my stomach that indicates how close I'm getting. a knot that screams to be undone by his perfect length. I would do anything for more of this. I can taste everything good in the world on my tongue.

"I'm so close." I whine.

"I can tell," he studies my face in the mirror. "so pretty when you're breaking."

"oh--" I feel my thighs tense and my body pulses, the euphoria almost overwhelming. we move steadily, rhythmically, and he pushes my climax to new levels. "faster." I cry.

Matthew is quick to respond, gripping me closer while he plows into me like he's never going to have my body again. the sound of it is filthy, perfect, a mess. he groans at the sensation of my cunt pulsating around his cock.

"cum for me, princess." he moans, losing himself in the embrace of my core. the foggy stare in his eyes is like drowning in the ocean. I sink below, not caring at all about the consequences of him inside me. fuck working together; I need him. "where should I cum?"

"in me." I groan.

"beg." he commands easily, watching my face contort in pleasure. I could pretend to fight it, to give a little attitude, but I don't want to. I love begging for him.

"fill me up, Matthew. please." each word punctuated by the breathlessness of my voice. he gets even more ferocious with me, beating up my pussy until I'm sure he's going to leave me sore.

"right there, right there," he gasps, hitting the same spot that makes me go cross-eyed. "such a good little slut."

his cum shoots into me, deep and warm and erotically twisted, and I nearly collapse. it feels weird, but so good at the same time. full. he groans out my name and withdraws, quick to grab my shoulders and hold me up as I almost fall. I hadn't realized that most of my body weight was supported purely by his thrusts.

"whoa." he lets out a tired laugh, gentle in his touch. I'm heaving air into my lungs.

"sorry." I apologize, my body unstable.

"are you okay?" he seems genuinely concerned and I nod.

"yeah, I'm fine. just a little overwhelmed."

"here," he scoops me into his arms and brings me over to the old love seat in the dressing room, laying his jacket down before putting me on top of it. "can I get you something?"

"Sprite." I gesture to the glass on the vanity, and he smiles as he goes to get it. I gulp down whatever remains of it. "thanks."

"of course." he keeps glancing at my face and the red marks on my hips where he was clutching me like a lifeline. "I'm sorry."

"what?" I set the cup down. "don't ever be sorry for fucking me like that."

"no, I meant--" he laughs, but then he sees my playful expression and realizes that I'm genuinely alright. I think my legs were asleep.

"you're a saint." I tell him. he frowns and shakes his head bashfully. I'm already getting up and collecting my clothes. "or maybe what we just did prevents you from reaching sainthood. I don't know."

he places his hand on my lower back, kisses my forehead tenderly.

"seriously. you're okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine," I assure him. "but I would be better with a milkshake."

Matthew breaks into a slow grin, staring at me like I've done something miraculous.

"how are you so perfect?"

#matthew gray gubler #mgg smut #mgg oneshot #mgg x reader

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heartshyuck · 4 years ago

Text

Pairing: Jisung x fem!reader

Genre: fluff, angst,slow burn, strangers to lovers au, first love, early 1900s au.

Synopsis: Lavenders symbolise purity, silence, devotion, serenity and grace. All endearing characteristics of the gorgeous boy, you met in the fields of purple.

Placed in the late 1930s , just before World War two starts, you flee from your family who are forcing you into a marriage. You lie low in a small village where you meet Jisung in a field of lavenders.

Word count: 23k lmao

Warnings: female reader, misogyny and very backwards ways of thinking, forced marriages, world war two + historical inaccuracy for progression of the plot, drinking

a/n: this is the longest fic i have ever written and honestly it was a mission, it took about a month to write and I am genuinely so proud of it and really happy with it. Please don't be scared by the length but when I say slow burn, I really mean it!

Your legs seem to be moving on their own, feet hitting the ground at a steady and fast pace, you don’t look back and can’t seem to see what lies ahead but still you run until your lungs burn, run until the bitter metallic taste is at the back of your throat where bile threatens to rise. You run until finally your legs collapse, knees hitting the ground, grazing them and it’s the slight sting of the sediment seeping into the cuts that stop you from passing out. You’re not sure how far you’ve ran or how long you’ve been running, you don’t know where you're running to but you have to escape.

Escape the life they’ve laid out for you, the one they’ve planned without your input, you can’t live a life where everything is set out, where ’everything is expected and perfect. A life where you’d get married at 18 to a stranger who was of a worthy social class, attend formal lunches with the wives of your husband’s work colleagues and host dinner parties and occasionally large balls in a manor that always felt empty no matter how many paintings you bought to hang on the never ending amount of walls, no matter how many more bookshelves you tried to fit into one room, a place that you’ll always hate. Then to have children by 20, as many boys as possible of course to then not have any say in their upbringing and watch nurses tend to them, your husband educate them and then watch them get married, meet your grandchildren and when you’ve reached a respectable age, death will meet you in your sleep and you’ll be mourned and then forgotten. A life filled with regret, a constant numbness, no fulfilment and no meaning.

You saw your mum live that life, a smile that never quite reached her eyes, always plastered on at any given moment as she walked around the large hall with a glass of nothing but champagne in hand greeting the hundreds of guests that you were never able to comprehend how she managed to remember them all. She never spoke unless spoken to, never put in any input and always obeyed your father even when you could see the frustration bubble up inside her as her eyes glinted and her jaws tightened with the urge to say something.

She would buy gifts upon gifts and shower you in expensive luxuries, spoil you in riches as a form of love and yet it always held another meaning behind it. There was a slight sadness in her eyes as she passed a gift every birthday,christmas and any other reason she found, almost as if she was saying sorry for the life you were going to live and how she’d use these moments as blackmail for when that time came. You’d overhear her quiet sobs when you would sneak around the house late at night, read letters she received from someone you didn’t know and how they wished for her life to get better and for her to find happiness in a world where happiness didn’t exist. You saw your mother cry when your father died, eyes bloodshot red in fear rather than grief. Her life was now uncertain and that's when you decided that you couldn't live an empty life, regretting choices and wishing for death to come to you first.

Your father had always made sure that you would receive a proper education, one where you'd read hours upon hours of the finest English literature, works of science and learned of the past and present politics. He always said "a lady should know about the world around her but should never venture off on her own" you hated that phrase but it was better than what you overheard your friend's father saying to her when she asked for him to explain the concept of communism, "a women does not need to busy herself with politics, for your brain could not even begin to comprehend it" he announced with his nose high up in the air as if he had just said the most inquisitive statement known to man. It baffled you how one could even think that, let alone truly believe it enough to announce it so stupidly in the open, it was obvious that women were capable of understanding concepts like politics, maths and science for you were living proof.

You did better than your brother at grasping algebra, better at them with understanding Versalius's "De humani corporis fabrica" and it didn't take your friend long to understand Karl Marx's theory on communism once you explained it to her. It angered you that this was dismissed especially when your brother soon went off to universities for they had outgrown your father's enormous library and knowledge, there was no more he could teach them but there was still much to learn and you yearned to do the same but as you approached a suitable age for marriage, your everyday classes on Shakespearean English, Tudor monarchy, Greek mythology and Italian art had now been replaced with sewing, crochet, dining etiquette and the differences between napkins, white laced ones for formal lunches, gold embroidery for important dinners and regular silk for everyday use, you'd recite to your mother and the many maids who were on standby.

You've left that world now, left the bustling streets of industrialised London where a black smog always hung around the air and the smell of burnt rubber that stung your nose, you always hated both. Though you grew up in a large estate where there seemed to be a never ending amount of land on the outskirts of London, you never were allowed out to explore. Only allowed out with your mother to pick out fabrics in the markets, surrounded by military men that guarded the general's wife and daughter but now you were alone, no guards, no mother and no black smog to block your view of what lies ahead, only the sun and the ocean sky, clear of clouds as you breathe in fresh air that cleanses your lungs from the toxins that hang in the city air, surrounded by vibrant lavenders that arrive with a strong, sweet smell of pollen which you welcome to replace the bitter rubber your sense of smell only seems to know.

You close your eyes and bask in the warmth of late August , the sun gleaming down on you, rays striking against your skin with the wind between the strands of your hair, blowing the lavenders and they slightly tickle your arms. You’re not sure how long you were in your euphoric trance but you weren't ready to leave yet when the dark shadow was casted over you.

Your eyes lazily open and beauty lies ahead, the sun gleaming behind him, lights him on flames and he burns with a presence so strong you can see it as his aura swirls around you, engulfing you. His features,strong and yet his eyes are soft and even as he's turned away from the sun they sparkle infinitely as they hold the brightest stars, his stare pierces through you and it makes your gut clench as you feel small under his gaze but you don't turn away, daring him to continue staring down on you, well that's what you tell yourself as you can't help but get lost in the beauty of his eyes. His face wears a worried expression, his hand out forwards for you to take and place in his and it takes you a while to realise he's trying to help you up, even longer to comprehend the words that leave his mouth, as you just watch his cherry red lips move. You're dazed and for the first time you're not thinking straight, your legs won't move to carry you back up onto your feet but your hand instinctively moves towards him and your own mouth gapes open as it does, and again he repeats himself emphasising the words as his eyes widen further “are you feeling well?” you stare blankly at him, no response until you feel the burning sensation of his hand in yours. A heat that sends shocks through every nerve, it runs through your bloodstream lighting you on fire and as if you were burnt you pull back, shaking off the dizzy spell you rise to your feet, your body finally responding to your screaming brain. A sense of relief washes over you as the fear of losing your mind slowly seeps out as the haze in your mind clears, until your eyes meet his again. “Really y/n, not for a boy” you cry out in your head as your mind seems to be lost in awe looking at him.

You shuffle uncomfortably and it’s just now you realise how much of a mess you look as the embodiment of beauty’s eyes fall down. Your expensive dress torn up, what was once a full sangria and silver ball gown was now rags that wrapped around you with the bottom half missing as it stopped just above your knees, an uneven hem due to the rough ripping which took all of your strength, the white net underneath was visibly stained a brownish yellow, the cuts on your knee not being the only thing the dirt seeped into but his eyes don’t even seem to stop there, they didn't even seem to notice, only meeting a piece of paper that lied on the floor. He reaches down for it, his eyebrows perk up slightly before handing it back to you.“You dropped this” he avoids eye contact, continuing to stare down, his hand abruptly extends out in front of him and he clears his throat, adding to the excruciating awkwardness between you and you wince at the sudden sound.

“Oh thank you..” you can hear your voice waver and crack and for the first time in your life, your voice isn’t confident, seems like a day full of firsts, your mother would’ve been proud if she saw you acting like this, like a lady she would have put it. Quiet, reserved but really it was just a suffocating stiffness that lingered in the air.

“Jisung” he completes your sentence, a small, shy smile appears on his face as his eyes look at everything but you, the letter still in his grasp he shakes his hand at you slightly urging you to take it. Your fingers brush past his ever so slightly as you take the letter back into your possession, a spark is sent through you and your fingers twitch, as if wanting more but you stop them from moving any further, your eyes slightly widen as you catch yourself falling so easily and if Jisung catches the weird expressions on your face, he chooses to ignore them not saying anything. “You are not from around here, are you?” His voice is light and airy as he speaks softly, as if you were made of glass and any harsh tone could break you, you can’t tell if it’s because of the immense awkwardness or because of the pity he must feel seeing you in such a state. You hope it’s the former and decide that’s what it is, when he starts playing with the edges of his white shirt.

“No I live in London” the words die as soon as they leave your mouth, you used to live in London, you don’t anymore. This only adds to Jisung’s awkwardness and it reminds you no matter how beautiful he is, he’s only just a boy who’s probably around your age. So you smile at him, letting out a small breathy laugh in hopes of lightening the mood, it works as he visibly unstiffens. “Used to” Jisung doesn’t press on the matter any further, doesn’t ask anymore questions, just nods. The unsettling atmosphere sets in once again and your incapability of standing in silence for more than a second, you clear your throat "do you know where this address is?" your tone light and airy, you sound almost clueless and it’s now you realise the true meaning behind every etiquette class, the role of the women is the domestic war, the war on power. For one to rise they must make powerful allies and that’s what this voice is for, to obtain the power of a man and trick them into helping you; so you're glad when Jisung takes the letter back into his grasp and examines the writing at the front, it’s worked.

“I’ll show you the way” and you nod with a slight smile as a thank you, Jisung leads the way and you follow soon behind, with his face no longer in my sight you can finally observe the rest of him. Judging by his height and build, seems like he comes from a well off family. Though there wasn’t a day you felt hungry, you weren’t blind to the outside world no matter how hard your parents tried to shelter you from it. The world is living off rations but the wealthy still have access to more, Jisung must have some sought of status or most likely works for a household with high status considering it seemed like he was running errands, why else would he be in a field full of lavenders and it’s only reinforced by the fine silk that flows as wind rushes past you. Somewhat similar to the material that makes up your gown, or what’s left of it, it’s an expensive material imported from colonies in the empire. He walks with no flaw and so you guess he didn’t serve in the war, meaning he has to be around your age; this new life is exciting and scary, you’re not sure what you want yet but you certainly wouldn’t mind if the boy in the lavender field stuck around for a while.

Jisung’s steps slowed and soon came to a stop outside a large estate, it was nowhere near as big as your parent's manor but comparing it to the small petite houses in the village you could just about see; it definitely was the biggest house in the village. You turned to thank Jisung, mouth slightly opened as the words were prepared to leave until you saw him pull out a key and a heat rose up your neck onto your face, in both slight embarrassment and excitement as you realised that Jisung must live here and your mouth couldn’t help but confirm your thoughts, “do you live here?” you blurted quickly with a slight lift in your tone, which you hope wasn’t too obvious in exposing your excitement.

His eyebrows rise, a small smile appears but he doesn’t answer your question, continuing to unlock the doors and allows you to step in first, a women who barely makes it past Jisung’s shoulders calls out to him, embracing him as she tightly wraps her arms around his waist, Jisung leans back slightly as a way of hoping to loosen her grip as his face scrunches up in pain as the struggle to breath sets in but there’s a constant smile on his face right until he peels her off. It’s then she punches him in the stomach, making him crouch down below her, holding onto his stomach.

“How many breaths must I waste in having to tell you to make sure you fulfill all your duties before you head to the fields'' she nags him and a smile is brought to your face at the violent display of affection, you guess he must be a part of the service team that works for the master of this house, which was exceptionally beautiful in the inside; much bigger than what it lets off from the outside, your eyes can’t help but linger elsewhere and observe the hidden beauty in all the small intricate designs. “Young master” the lady continues to punish him for his action and you head whips around at her words, she hasn’t even noticed you but Jisung’s eyes are constantly on you watching your expressions change as more as more information is being released to you, a smile appears on his face and at first it seems like a smirk but soon you notice the constant pink dust across his cheeks and you realise he’s embarrassed. There’s a strange feeling in your chest, a warmth that spreads and has you clutching your fists as you think at how adorable he is, your eyebrows furrow and you shake both the thoughts and the smile off.

Finally after what seems like hours of you staring at Jisung but in reality was no longer than a few seconds, the petite woman turns to you and acknowledges your presence, her eyes widen in surprise and she rushes to your side. “Oh lord, my dear child are you okay?” she grabs your hands and ushers you down the hall into a secluded room that takes up a big portion of the ground floor of the house.

The kitchen, filled with plenty of workers,busy hands and food; she shouts at a maid to move a few things around and to make some space for you around the small table that holds vegetables and freshly cut meat. There’s the smell of spices that are definitely too exotic to be from these lands, parcels with German writing and several people cooking dishes you don’t recognise.

You're pushed down onto a small wooden chair that slightly rocks and it is by far the most uncomfortable place you’ve ever sat but you don’t dare complain even after the minutes pass and your legs begin to ache. The maids ran around you and even as you left that world behind, you still somehow ended up in the same position and then you realise it’s the fine silk you wear that sets you apart, the rows and rows of pearls around your neck and rings on your fingers. They don’t ask any questions, just wiping away at the dirt on your legs; the same women at the door pouring a type of alcohol over your cuts and it stings drawing out a hiss from you, “sorry” she whispers and blows slightly on the irritated skin. The kitchen quiets down and the other maids exit, leaving you and the same women who scolded Jisung, she didn’t bother to ask him any questions and quickly sent him away to carry on with the work he didn’t finish, she doesn’t ask you any questions either for it’s not her place to ask.

She wraps bandages around your knees and your eyes wander around, landing on a picture of her with three little boys, you recognise the smallest to be Jisung, she catches your eyes and smiles “the masters, when they were little devils” she remarks making you and her both let out small laughs, “though they aren't much better now” she smiles fondly as she continues to wrap the bandages, you see love in her eyes and can tell that she raised them.

“The smallest is Jisung, am I correct?” you ask just to confirm your assumption, she nods and smiles, “i can tell by his awkwardness, it’s radiant even in pictures” you scoff and she laughs. "Who are the other two?" Your curiosity seemingly has no end.

"The tallest is master Jeno and the one in the middle is master Jaemin" she says as she cuts the bandage. You take note of their names and match it to their appearances though you assume they've probably changed quite a bit. The tallest, Jeno has crescent moons for eyes as his smile pushes them up, it's adorable. The middle, Jaemin also has a bright smile, probably the prettiest you’ve ever seen but Jisung still stands out the most to you, maybe it’s because you’ve seen how he looks now; the change is definitely visible, he’s grown much taller and into his sharp features. He's definitely handsome, epitome of beauty but by the way he timidly walks you’re not quite sure he knows it.

“Will these do, ma’am?” her hands hold onto a set of clean clothes and you only nod at her as you take the clothes from her hands, calloused and rough from years of labour. "Please just call me y/n" you tell her trying to remove your status and she only nods in return. "And what may I call you" you ask her.

"Daphne" she replies and you notice that she smiles at you, a full smile nothing quite like you've seen before and you'd like to think this what a smile should look like. Genuine. Instead of all the small smiles you recieved, the ones with hidden agendas and meanings, the ones because of who your father was, the one because of your status, name, title, money and a persuasion for your hand in marriage. So many smiles yet none truly considered one. God you hated that life.

"Now y/n let me show you to a room" she leads you out the room and you follow her upstairs, all the maids rushing back into the kitchen after you have left. She turns left and right and you find that the upstairs is far more complicated to navigate, with many different rooms. When she finally reaches a long corridor, she stops to point at the room that awaits at the end. "That will be your room ma'am" and before she even could finish her sentence properly, "y/n" you correct her and she only nods, giving you a soft smile as an apology."Please call for me if anything isn't to your liking" she says and just as she's about to step away, ready to leave you to get comfortable.

You call her back, "Daphne, can you please tell me who this is" you lift up the small blue letter that leads you here to this address, to finally put a name to the mysterious woman who only seemed to want the best for you and your mother. She takes the small letter from your grasp, examining the small font that's slowly fading due to the number of years it's collected dust. Her eyes widen as she reads the letter, her head snapping up to look at you, her lips parting slightly as if her jaw threatened to drop.

"My god" she says as she continues to read, shock written all over her face, "this is from the master's mother, dear" she tells you and you join her in shock as your jaw hangs a lot more obviously in shock. "She worked for your family when she was young" she continues to tell you and the ripples of shock continue to pulse through your body. Your mother and her are good friends from what you've gathered, reading all the letters you found. Yet your mother never even allowed you to mix classes, always telling you to stick with your own people, people who can pay for your time, literally. Yet here she was being friends with a woman considered below her, even considering sending you away to her. The hypocrisy is what shocked you the most, for you didn't think your mother could build relationships if it weren't for a social advantage.

"Can I meet her?" you ask, excited until you see sadness seep into her eyes, she looks down and she shuffles slightly. Her eyes glossy with tears threatening to fall and your own shoulders droop down and a frown is formed on your lips. "I'm sorry" you apologise but she shakes her head and wipes her eyes slightly.

"Don't be silly, you didn't know and it's better you found out through me anyways." She tells you and you're glad that you found out through her too, you don't think you would've been able to handle it coming from Jisung. "If you do not mind me, but when did she pass" you ask carefully as to not break her.

"Last May" she tells you and you hear sadness in her voice , as it slightly cracks and you release a deep sigh as to rid your body from the contagious mood. With that she hands the letter back into your hand and leaves you to wash up, "Dinner will be ready soon, please wash up" she urges you to go into the room.

You walk down the corridor, steps heavy as your heart grieves for Jisung and as you're reminded of your own father's death, though he planned on marrying you to a stranger you didn't love and never truly wanting you to live happily. You loved and still love him with every ounce of your being, all making grief an impossibly hard process. For your heart hurt and your mind could not comprehend why. Your eyes stung with tears and your hands trembling with pain and still the mind was questioning why you felt sad. Then the guilt blooms, hovering above you, for this man raised you and cared for you and yet you question your grief as you sit by his deathbed. Yet you remind yourself that questioning your grief is better than not feeling any at all, you remember looking over towards your mother who wore black and instead of grieving her husband's death, she felt grief for her widow status that crushed her social status, for who was she without her husband.

So as you remove the many pearls and diamonds around your neck, gifted to you by your mother, you’re reminded why you left that life behind. You won’t be defined by your husband but by what you have achieved and for who you are. Yet you leave on the thin golden chain with a single pendant on your neck, as a reminder for where to come from and how far you’ve travelled. It was a gift from both your mother and father, the one gift you like to think wasn’t used as a symbol of your wealth to attract men in asking for your hand in marriage, the simplicity of this necklace led you to believe that this was a genuine gift of their love.

Changing out of your ball gown or the remainders of it, you feel anew. Stripping out of your old skin and into much comfortable and humble ones, you feel as if your new life is finally starting and though it’s far from what anyone would have wanted for your life to be like, it’s what you want. You’ve been here for just under an hour and instantly you're on cloud nine, floating to where only the sun is. The rays dancing on your skin and euphoria runs within your veins, this is life.

You’re not sure how long you’ve been in a daze but soft knocks on the door is what awakens you and you're quick to open the door, not wanting to leave the person on the other side waiting but you’re met with a fist, that seems as if it malfunctions as it goes down by the side of the same person who seems to waking you out of all your dazes recently. Jisung stands there awkwardly, legs crossed and hands behind his back, he stutters as he says “dinner is...um.. It is awaiting” and with that he cuts himself off, rushing the words out of his mouth and quickly turns around, rushing downstairs.

You can only smile at him, how was someone allowed to be that cute. Following soon after him you enter into the dinning room, the smile on your face completely wiped off by the shock of two other men sitting around the table. Your back straightens as your body stiffens, by habit, you’ve been taught to look most confident when caught off guard.

“Sit here y/n” Daphne takes out the seat opposite of Jisung and next to a man you don’t know until he smiles your way, you recognise that smile and it’s still as pretty as it looks in the picture hanging in the kitchen. You smile back at him as you make your way by his side and take your seat.

“Hello, I’m Jaemin” he turns to you, dropping his fork and it clatters as it hits the plate, a beautiful smile across his face and you finding it comforting to think it hasn’t changed at all. He then lifts your hand to his lips, placing them softly on your knuckles all whilst keeping that damn smile held across his lips and staring straight into your soul, heat rises up your body slightly thrown back and he can see the shock in your eyes . Your well crafted facade cracking. His eyes are still boring into yours and you can’t move, stuck looking into his eyes, hands stuck to his until a kick. Coming from across the table, a force hits Jaemin’s shin causing him to yelp, instantly turning away from you and dropping your hand, you notice a small smile on Jisung’s face as he tries to conceal his laughter. You turn to look at where such a force came from, fierce strong features and an intimidating stare yet when he turns to you crescent moons appear, his aura changing immediately and the child in the portrait comes to life. “I’m Jeno” his voice is soft yet clear and all you can do is smile back before replying simply your name “Y/N” you tell him and he nods your way.

Thinking that silence would now set in was foolish of you, for you should’ve guessed Jaemin isn’t the type to let there be silence and looking back now you could definitely tell he was itching to ask you so many questions. “I guess you have already met Jisung” he turns to you again and you only nod, looking up at the tall boy in front of you but he only stares at the soup in front of him but you know he senses your gaze as he twitches slightly in his seat, holding himself back from looking up and directly into your eyes. “He is not usually this quiet, he will warm up to you soon” Jaemin apologises on behalf of Jisung yet he grimaces at the words that leave Jaemin’s mouth but you smile at Jaemin ignoring Jisung’s expression.

The rest of dinner is filled with small talk between you and Jaemin, him asking you your favourite colour and trivial things like that, you discussed different authors and scriptors to which Jeno also chimed in on the conversation, both very impressed on your knowledge though you aren’t sure if they were impressed because you were a woman or genuinely impressed by the vast knowledge you had accumulated over the years spent in your father’s library however you brushed that thought aside, carrying on with the conversation, eyes drifting to Jisung at times who just sat there playing around with spoon, twisting it between his fingers instead of daring to look at you let alone to add to the conversation. Finally as Daphne takes away the plates, Jeno stands up dismissing himself from the table, “It was a pleasure to meet you Y/N, I hope you stay a while it was fun having you” he tells you with those same moons for eyes and you thank him for his hospitality “It was a great pleasure to meet you too, thank you for allowing me to stay” you say them at Jeno and Jaemin but they’re mainly directed to Jisung who brought you here.

“If there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to tell me” Jaemin smiles, a hand on your shoulder as he stands next to where you sit and you only nod at him, he then comes to your ear, lips so close you feel them brush against the shell “Jisung will come around, I’m sorry if he’s making you feel uncomfortable” he apologises on his behalf for the second time that night and you wave him off with a smile. You could already tell that Jisung is shy and awkward but it’s not confused for hate or resentment, he simply doesn’t know how to act around a female and it’s clear the way he trips over his words and his very own legs but to be fair they are very long.

After everyone left the table and made their ways to their own rooms, you too made your way to bed. Laying there you think back to how far you’ve come, a few months ago this all would have been nothing but a dream and now it’s a reality and the euphoric feeling you imagine is everything and more. Freedom is worth anything is what you’ve learnt, the freedom to live your life the way you want. To be in control of all your decisions, living with the consequences but not a single shred of regret because you chose it and therefore it must have been for a reason. It’s new and exciting but so scary as the colony of butterflies bloom in your stomach, all the possibilities panning out in your head and for some reason as you drift off to sleep that night, you see Jisung in this future of yours.

The sun shined in through the sheer curtains of your room, sunlight dancing on your skin and the warmth made you feel alive as it tingled. The house was quiet and as you look out the window you realise that even the Sun has still yet to wake fully, still sleepy rising out of the horizon. The birds chirp and the lavender fields roar as the wind dances but there in the middle of it all is a figure. Jisung. Your eyes light up and your legs are quick to move, still in your nightgown, hair in a mess you rush to meet him there. The stairs creak as you step down them slowly, as if a child trying not to get caught, you try your best not to wake a soul.

Once out the door you run out towards the purple sea, the cold morning air refreshing to the midday humidity that sticks your clothes to your skin, instead the wind blows through you and you feel free as all boundaries and confinements are washed away but then it hits you, causing your legs to halt. Jisung barely knows you, how weird it would be for you to run up to him at the break of dawn? Very weird you decide as you slowly make your way back to the house, hoping to not make any noise that might draw his attention your way.

Stepping back inside, your back against the heavy wooden door you let out a deep sigh as your eyes fall closed in relief. Thank god he didn't see you, you think to yourself as you just stepped into the living room and your heart dropped down to your stomach, lungs stopping as you see him there. Jisung flicking through a book, his eyes come up to meet yours which are blown out in shock as you stare between him and looking back at the door, his lips fold into a line and you practically see the questions forming in his mind as he scratches the top of his head.

“Good Morning” you say with a smile but the embarrassment isn’t covered well, eyes everywhere but his. He softly replies with a mumble you’re unsure if he actually said anything back or if you just made it up but as your eyes land on the book in his hand and all thoughts are banished. You rush round the table, Jisung’s eyes wide now as it’s his turn to be shocked as you sit down beside him, taking the book out of his hand to have a look at the title. “Ah a classic” you say as your fingers run over the title and Jisung only nods at your words. “Is it your favorite Shakespearean play?” you ask in hopes of starting up conversation, all you get in return is nod of the head but that does nothing but urge you to talk again to fill the silence. “I like Hamlet but i think Macbeth is my favourite. The best character being Lady Macbeth, a strong ambitious women” you state and Jisung only laughs at this causing you to turn back to him.

“She had lost her mind” he laughs again and you smile

“Yes but as a woman she exerts power and it’s not really seen much in female characters in stories and real life” you tell him, explaining how a woman like her is admirable for her strong spirit.

“Yes but doesn’t Shakespear describe her to have a masculine soul that within a femine body, he is saying the ambition and power are masculine and therefore is she really a good embodiment for strong powerful females?” he argues back, questioning you and you can’t help but smile.

“But he uses her and the witches to plant the idea of murder in Macbeth’s head, he shows that they are powerful and can achieve what they want through manipulation which he explains to be a women’s method, they are in control of the men and it shows that if it weren’t for social confinments that they would pursue their ambitions for themselves, is Macbeth really the one in control?” you question him back and he smiles

“You win” he laughs and pride is struck through you, there’s no feeling quite similar to winning a debate but there's sadness at the bottom of your gut as you remember and miss your brothers who you would debate with until frustrations would burst out of you all and it leads to punches being thrown around.

“Let me guess, you hate Romeo and Juliet” he expects you to say yes and you know it’s because he probably thinks their love for each other is shallow but you can’t say you do.

“I don’t actually, aside from the whole love at first sight, I somewhat relate to it” you tell him eyes staring at him but unfocused as you think back to how your own life was in comparison to Juliet’s, “the being forced into something you don’t want and dying for your freedom, in this case her freedom was Romeo but i don’t think he was the only reason she chose to flee, I’d like to think ran away for herself and to allow herself her own choices in life” and then silence as Jisung took in your words, a perspective he had never really thought about, the story was always solely based on romance but then again he had never been put in the position of being forced into something so life changing such as marriage. Jisung couldn’t begin to comprehend how it felt to be used so obviously for social gain and being stripped and deprived of anything else that would hinder that.

Sensing stiffness in the air, you had to do something about it, you finally got Jisung to actually have a conversation with you. “Still Macbeth is the best” and again you manage to get a laugh out of him. The sound is so sweet that angels come down to listen to it, the heavens split open at the first bubble of laughter that leaves his mouth and your eyes light up as your body tingles with pride for causing it, you’re addicted to it and you're itching to hear it again. You need to hear it again.

The moment is cut off though with the entrance of Jaemin and Jisung’s eyes avert to his brother greeting him a good morning as quietly as he did to you and Jaemin sleepy replies in a yawn, rubbing his eye before sitting down opposite you. “Morning y/n” he greets you and you smile before greeting him back, turning back to Jisung to hopefully start up the conversation again. “So what else are you reading?” you ask and your eyes light up as you scan over the many books on the table before you.

“Oh y/n, you know how to read!” Jaemin jumps up, it wasn’t expected for someone to be literate to the extent they could read Shakespeare or any higher educational scriptures, unless of a high class, let alone a women but your father taught you all he could and then you leached off your brothers who were lucky enough to be sent to school but Jaemin had already been aware of this “Yes my father taught me” you tell him and he nods rapidly.

“Yes I know, I just thought you’d like to know that there’s a library upstairs if you ever get bored and want to read something” he tells you and excitement bubbles up inside you and the instinct to run up there and have a look at their book collection is something far harder to conceal then it should be and Jaemin laughs at your eagerness. “Jisung could use someone like you, he’s always trying to get away from his studies” and you hear Jisung let out a nervous laugh as you turn towards him, completely offended.

“You have the privilege of being able to study and you want to run away from it” you gasp and it causes Jaemin to laugh again but this wasn’t a laughing matter, you were completely serious. You would die to be in his position and something about the way Jisung holds an apologetic look makes you think he knows you would.

“I guess you’ll just have to be with him to help him study” Jaemin offers a solution and your eyes light up at this, the excitement running through your veins. You all know exactly what that means, yes it’s babysitting Jisung to make sure he gets all his work done but it also means you get to study whatever he’s learning and expand your knowledge as far as you can. Jisung seemed hesitant at first but after seeing how you visibly lit up at the suggestion he couldn’t help but agree to take you along with him when he had to study.

After breakfast Jisung led you up to the library, it was a large room filled from ceiling to floor with books, the sight alone made you dizzy with excitement, as you stepped in the beloved smell of old books filled your senses and your hands instantly rushed to run along the spines of every book. Your eyes sparkled as you looked over each one and Jisung watched as fascination completely engulfed you, he couldn’t stop watching as you pick out a book, couldn’t take his eyes off you as your eyes skimmed the blurb, he was mesmerized by what he wasn’t too sure of. His eyes didn’t seem to be able to move on from your figure until you turned to face him, time stood still as he watched more and more of the bright smile that was held across your face be revealed to him, you were beautiful. Once met with yours, his eyes scrambled away as they always do and he was quick to turn around and seat himself at the desk that sat in the centre of the room.

You too situated yourself on one of the more comfortable chairs, opposite to Jisung, you watched him begin to write, his head slanted and both arms splayed out on the table, he was the height of beauty and grace, the gods carved him from marble, so ethereal Aphrodite herself was jealous of his perfection, Apollo envied his grace. Though you were here to study, read as many books time allowed you, your eyes were distracted and little did you know they were distracting Jisung as well. Your gaze causes his breath to halt, his hands to sweat and pink dust to decorate his skin. You were dazed, stuck in a trace of his beauty and had to do something to get out of it, you clenched your hand; nails digging into your palms, pressing hard to wake you. You forced your head to the side, eyes looking at the bookshelf once again but your actions caused Jisung to look up, you can feel his stare on you and a shiver is sent through your spine, too scared to look back at him, afraid you’ll be pulled back into his trance.

“You have a lot of German books” you say, hoping your nervousness isn’t obvious and just to be sure you get up and head towards the books. You feel him staring at every step you take and you just pray you're the only one that can hear the loud thumping of your heart against your ribcage as a colony of butterflies bloom in your stomach. Fingers tracing over the German writing on the spine of each book, you try to distract yourself from him and try to compose yourself once again but then his voice echoes through the room, deep and smooth it sends shivers rippling through you.

“My father was stationed in Germany” he tells you as his eyes finally move away from your figure, a sense of relief washes over you as he continues to write once again. Yet you're still too nervous to turn around, too nervous to look at him, he who is the epitome of beauty.

“Still?” you ask, filling in the silence as you pull out another book, examining the words on the front cover but you instantly regret it as Jisung’s eyes fall back onto you.

“After the war he was assigned a higher position in the Rhineland and then after they were dismissed he was asked to stay along the French borders'' he tells you and once again your curiosity gets the best of you and you ask him another question. If you remember correctly, it’s been 10 years since the dismissal of the troops in the Rhineland.

“So when was the last time you saw him?” and instantly you regret the words that leave your mouth, your curse yourself a million times over. Jisung’s silence is all too overwhelming and your chest grows tighter as guilt takes over your body and just as you’re about to apologise, he answers

“He visited last year” Jisung simply states but you can hear the strain in his voice, the pain he’s tried his best to cover yet it seeps through and your glad you can’t see him right now because you couldn’t bare to see the sparkle in his eyes fade slightly as you remember the passing of his mother, that most probably led to his father returning back home. Silence settles again and your frozen by the shelves, the air so heavy it feels as if weights were holding you down, your mind hazy as you space out and as the common pattern goes, Jisung wakes you out of the depths of your mind with a voice as smooth as honey, it provides a comfort that sends shivers down your spine. “He’ll be back soon though, he’s officially been discharged for retirement” he tells you as if he can feel your stiffness and out of the corner of your eye you see he’s giving you a small comforting smile, just to make the air seem a little lighter.

Time seems to fly past as you both sit there, Jisung’s hands busy writing away as he refers back to scriptures and your eyes busy as you read up on German politics and the structure of the Weimar constitution, that revolutionised democracy, the sun was now high in the sky as noon approached. You didn’t even notice until Jisung let out a loud yawn, arms above his head as he stretched and let out mumbles of how you should stop for today or at least take a break. You only nodded in response as you stretched your own limbs out, you had ended up curled up in the chair with your legs tucked away as you leaned into what you were reading. Jisung couldn't help but smile as he looked up occasionally to see your eyebrows furrowed as you read and he can't help the soft laugh from escaping his lips now as he watches you stretch. "And what is it that you find so funny?" You question him, eyes narrowed but your lips are clearly fighting back a smile and the sight of it flusters Jisung, stammering over his words ``N-Nothing" he answers and you let out a small smile to let him know you were only kidding.

As you both leave the room, you can't help but follow Jisung "and what is it you do after you are done studying?" Your question startled him as he visibly flinched at the sound of your voice and he mentally tells himself to get used to your unquenchable curiosity. "Except for picking lavenders" you tease. He lets out a soft laugh, the same sound you've been itching to hear since this morning.

"Nothing much" he tells as he makes his way down the stairs. Following him down, he makes his way towards the drawing room, sitting himself down in an old velvet chair, you place yourself beside him in a matching one. Your eyes peering over towards his hands that pull at needle and thread and you’re astounded by the sight in front of you, a male who knows how to sew is as rare as diamonds, as impressive as gold. Jisung continuously stuns you, his nimble fingers work diligently as they pull the thread to make patterns across the once plain cloth.

He can feel the burn of your stare on his hands, his chest tightens and his nerves are lit on fire, he is hyper aware of every wander of your eyes. His mind clouded by the mere thought of you watching him, his mind so fixated on impressing you, for a reason he’s not sure of, he doesn’t pay much attention to the needle any longer; a mistake he realises once the sharp point collides with the soft skin of his index, drawing blood. He flinches back away from the sharp contact as you leap forward to cup his hand in both of yours. Pressing your thumb against his finger, applying pressure in hopes of stopping the seeping blood, you slightly blow upon it to relieve it of any pain but Jisung can’t feel any pain not when your overwhelming heat rolls of you and radiates on to his skin, with every touch sparks fly on top of his skin fizzling underneath and seeping into his bloodstream. A fluttering blooms in his stomach and Jisung has no idea what this feeling is, it’s new and exciting. He craves it as his eyes drift to your worried face and once your eyes meet his, the emotion is buried by the overwhelming nervousness he feels engulfing him, his cheeks flush and his breath is caught in his throat. He pulls away from you and quickly stands “I’ll” he pauses thinking what to say next “I’ll get a bandage” he spits the words out as soon as his mind comes up with the excuse.

“I’ll get it, sit down” you stand up and ready to head towards any one of the maids that could help you but your steps are interrupted by Jisung’s voice once again.

“No it’s fine, I’ll get it” he blurts out, hand stopping you as he places in front of you, your head moving back on reflex, and with that Jisung runs out the room; feet moving fast as his left hand tightly wraps around his right index.

You sit there for what felt like forever waiting for Jisung’s return but in reality it was no more than 10 minutes, you were never one to hold patience. So you rose to your feet, eager to find the tall boy that let awkwardness roll off of him. Heading to the direction you saw Jisung turn, you make your way to the familiar kitchen, many busy bodies work their way around preparing for dinner as the clock is nearing sun fall. Your eyes wander the familiar walls with the same pictures you stared at upon the first day of your arrival, until they stopped on the figure they seeked. There he stood by the wooden table that just about reached his waist. He poured flour into a bowl, followed by two eggs and your eyes watched his every moment again and as if he could sense you, his rose to meet you once again. You smile because it just comes so naturally when with him and he smiles back, how could he not?

Inviting yourself in, you step closer towards Jisung, “A cook too” you say, you’re impressed and it’s evident in your voice.

“It’s a basic necessity” he says yet there’s a pink coating that dusts his cheeks, you know he’s flattered by your words despite his own.

“Basic necessity?” you question as you sit down, legs crossed, on an empty wooden chair just by where he stands “I guess I should learn” you state nonchalantly, not expecting the reaction it would provoke from Jisung. His head snaps to turn to you, his eyes searching your face for any indication that you were only pulling his leg, that this was only a joke but those indications never showed because this wasn't a joke, you were serious.

“What? Does a girl have to know how to cook?” you question him in a scoff, an eyebrow raised as you question his thoughts that control his expressions.

“No they don’t but I can be surprised, I know you are surprised I can” he rebuttals, calling out your hypocrisy but to this you only smile, you were glad Jisung could stand his own ground, it wouldn’t be fun otherwise.

“More impressed than surprised” you state, earning a smile from Jisung once again, you pat yourself on the back each time you manage to pull out that sweet, healing smile that seems to wash all worries away.

“Who’s to say I’m not impressed” he questions you once again and continues to mix the batter, adding more ingredients, again you smile at his words and Jisung feels his heart flutter at every stretch of your lips. He craves to see it more.

“Can you teach me?” your question catches him off guard and his eyebrows leap up into the soft brown hair that covers his forehead, “what I’m not totally hopeless, I’ve read a book on it before” you pout. Laughter rings through the air as Jisung has doubled over, unable to hold in the snorts and his breathing unsteadies as your words register in his head and this only makes your pout more prominent and your eyebrows knit together.

“I’m sorry” Jisung laughs out as his eyes fall onto your expression but he can’t hold it in, a few bubbles of laughter spilling out as he tries to calm his breaths, his eyes glossy as tears threaten to fall and you try to fight back your own laughter as the corners of your lips slightly perk up. “Did you say you read a book on cooking” he can’t even get through the sentence without laughing but he’s quick to reign it back in to allow you to answer.

“Yes” you say proudly, head still held high and Jisung bites down on his lips as the splutters of laughter threaten to escape again. “It’s obviously not the same thing but I’ve read basic methods” you state in defence.

“You make it sound like science” he scoffs at your words and you roll your eyes at his.

“Is it not, the mixing of substances to achieve a product. It sounds like alchemy to me” you explain your thought process and Jisung nods in agreement. Though you can tell he has something to say.

“Alright then, let us say cooking is science” he begins and you raise your eyebrow in questioning as to where this is leading “reading a method for an experiment is not the same as doing the experiment, there are things that are not accounted for, practical errors, measuring errors. The method tells you what to do but not how to do it” and before he can even finish his sentence properly you jump up, startling him slightly as he flinches back.

“And that is where you come in to teach me, guide me through the experiment” you plead but it sounds like he doesn’t really have an option, you’re practically telling him. He sighs but he has to give, how could he not when you're giving him your sweetest smile and when your eyes are practically begging him.

“I’m surprised you want to learn” he questions you “I thought you’d avoid anything that would have been forced upon you” he explains as he hands you an apron.

Your smile extends ear to ear as you take the apron from his hands, tying in behind your back you explain your sudden want to learn “Yes but I’m choosing to learn, this isn’t about adding another quality of a wife to my resume. This about extending my knowledge and as you said it is a basic necessity.”

Jisung only nods at your answer as he hands you another bowl, some ingredients already placed inside “follow after me” he says as he cracks an egg and pours it’s insides into the bowl and then turning to you he see you struggle, knocking the egg against the table softly you try and mimic his actions “Did the book not mention eggs?” he laughs and so does Daphne who observes close by as you send him glares that wish him death.

“Like this” he says as he places his hands over yours, guiding you but your eyes aren’t focused on the egg in your hold, you’re focused on Jisung who’s so close, too close. You feel his breath on the side of your neck and goosebumps arise on the surface of your skin as shivers are sent down your spine. The scent of cotton, jasmine and of course lavenders invade your senses and blur your mind. You can’t help but stare at Jisung, perfection personified as he concentrates on explaining how to assure no shell falls into the batter. Yet the words enter one ear and exit the other as you watch his lips move, your eyes stuck and it’s only when his eyes move up to meet yours does he also realise the little space between the two of you. His hands still holding onto yours, his eyes move down. Slowly they trace the features of your face, the bridge of your nose, the dip of your cupid’s bow and then they stop at your lips. His breathing halts, his heart skips beats as it dances in his chest and when he feels unbearable heat take over him he forces himself away from you. Quickly flinching back, his warmth leaves you, he clears his throat and turns from your gaze that still stares, he continues showing you what to do and no more words are exchanged as the heaviness in the air sets in.

Many weeks go by where you and Jisung spend all your mornings in the library, which had now become your favourite spot in the house, you look forward to picking up a new book every morning, look forward to watching Jisung so focused on his work, telling him all about what you’ve learnt and occasionally sparking up a debate but you also find yourself staring out the window wishing for the sun to only raise itself higher and higher as you wish for midday to arrive, to run away with Jisung down into the kitchen where he continues to teach you how to cook, some days he would take you into town to pick out fresh ingredients or some days into the drawing room where he attempts to teach you how to sow. After a few failed attempts, your patience wearing thin and much blood being drawn from your fingers, you give up on sewing however cooking is a much greater achievement and the outcome was worth every bit of it. The smile on Jisung’s face every time he’d taste something he’d liked, every time you remember a part of a recipe and every time he would sit down at the dinner table and Jeno or Jaemin would compliment your cooking. He felt immense pride in you and it fostered a love for cooking within you.

Other days when the weather prohibited it, Jisung would take you out into the lavender field. You’d sit in between the rows and rows of purple, picking at the prettiest ones.The sun high in the sky, august warmth embracing you as the wind blew over the roaring fields, dancing between your hair. “Look I learnt this from a book” you sit beside Jisung, his head snaps up and his attention is on your fingers now as they twirl the thin stems in and around each other to form a knot. “Purity, silence, devotion and grace are what a lavender symbolise” you begin to tell him “and you Jisung” you place the intertwined lavenders behind his ear, he’s visibly flustered as his cheeks turn hues of pink and it only urges you on “are exactly that” you whisper to him as if the lavenders had ears and could hear your confession, for these words are for Jisung’s only.

Jisung’s eyes widened as each word that was revealed to him, his heart thumping in his chest and his mind set on fire as chaos engulfed him. His thoughts scrambled and instantly his mind went to countless different possibilities as to what those words meant but looking up at you his mind cleared for he only saw beauty. The beauty your eyes held, as they sparkled infinitely each time they skimmed over the countless words on a book, the beauty your smile held when someone complimented your new found cooking skills, the beauty in your voice each time you called on him as the new found nickname “sungie” which caused his heart to melt, the beauty you held in the way you carried yourself never letting anyone put you down. Jisung adored you in every way, embers in his chest that grew into a flame, which spreads through his entirety burning all. A blissful pain sits at the core of him, aching, he longs for you but do you long for him? Is he but a fool to fall in love with a stranger, the stranger in the lavender fields. Is he a fool for falling in love with you? Is this even love? His eyes fixated on your lips, he examines the curve of them, the colour, their beauty. As if they were magnets he’s drawn to them, slowly inching himself forward, so close he could feel the warm air that made it past them.

So close and yet so far is he to you, the sweet smell of lavenders is dizzying, the sunlight burns your skin but against Jisung’s it only illuminates his, he glows. The urge to place your lips on top of his, eats away at your skin, the want crawls under and down your spine, shivers resonate throughout your body as he nears. The world falls away, the slight buzzing of bees fade, the tickles of the grass dissipate and you only feel Jisung. His presence, the brush of his knee against yours and the warmth that radiates off him. Your heart stops, you stop breathing, anticipating what’s about to happen next until suddenly Jisung’s head snaps to the right and reality comes flooding in as you hear both your names ringing and ripping through the air. “Jisung! Y/N!” Daphne shouts and Jisung jumps up answering for both of you “We’re coming!” Left completely stunned you sit there, mind in chaos as your embarrassment engulfs you. Your eyebrows furrowed, you think to yourself how you could allow for yourself to fall into his spell. What were you thinking? That’s the problem, around Jisung you can’t think, everything happens on pure instinct and desire. Then as if you had rewinded time, a shadow is casted over you, a hand is placed in front of you to take and as he did on that first day, he snaps you out of your daze. “Are you feeling well?” he asks in that same soft voice. Your hand twitches to move towards him and it takes everything in your power to stop it from falling into his grasp once again.

“Fine” it comes out much colder than you expected it to as you rise up to your feet on your own, his hand is left hanging awkwardly to which he slowly closes before placing it behind his head as he bites his bottom lip and your eyes can’t help but fall on them again, they which were so close and yet so far. “Let’s go” and this time you lead him out of the lavender field.

The walk back to the house is silent, the same awkwardness that hadn’t made an appearance in so long settles in the air, it’s thick and heavy and you can feel it weigh you down. Upon arriving back to the house, a carriage awaits outside, a military emblem on the back and your heart drops, eyes widen and your steps stop. “It couldn’t be” you let out at barely a whisper.

But the slightest sound from you is enough to have Jisung’s head snap up towards you, for he’s been waiting for you to make a sound, any sound to rid this atmosphere. "What is it?" He asks also hushed, his eyes follow yours and there it leads to the carriage, a smile rips through his face and he runs ahead. Confused you rush your steps but the anxiety building up in your chest stays, the lump in your throat is still hard to swallow.

“Y/N!” Jaemin calls you whilst waving his hand eagerly, calling you to come quickly and as you step closer the constraining feeling in your chest dissipates as the figure that steps out of the carriage is an unknown one to you. You stand by Jaemin’s side, who radiates excitement off him and you can’t help but smile as the little boy in the picture is standing right before you, the same eager stance and pretty smile that even the sun envies. The man exists and immediately pulls Jeno into an embrace so tight and you swear you see Jeno’s eyes sparkle as tears threaten to fall. Jisung is much less subtle at concealing his tears, he sobs into the man’s shoulder and it’s only then you presume this is their father. Jisung’s eyes are red and he sniffles as his father let’s go of him and your heart clenches at his adorableness. Jaemin is as happy as ever, hugging his father as tight as ever, eyes closed in pure bliss. You’re smiling like a fool as the heartwarming scene unfolds in front of you, so busy looking at the happy smiles and the stray few tears that are still running down Jisung’s cheeks you don’t notice the new acquaintance step in front of you until he clears his throat and you jump to meet his gaze.

“You must be Y/N” he smiles extending his hand and you place yours in it, shaking it. “I’ve heard a lot about you in all my son’s letters” your eyes widen and your turn to the three boy, Jaemin with that damn smirk on his face, Jisung avoiding your eyes and as always finding his shoes much more interesting, thank god for Jeno who offers a comforting smile assuring it’s all good things. “Sir you’ve raised three fine men, who have all welcomed me” you bow your head in thanks and he smiles once again.

“I couldn’t possible take any credit for it, it’s all thanks to their mother and Daphne of course” he turns from you to her and she pulls him into an embrace “Thank you for looking after them” he says barely audible but Daphne catches it and just as softly replies “but of course”. As everyone heads inside you wait until Jisung is by your side to start heading in as well, “Crybaby” you whisper with a teasing smile you nudge him with your elbow, he scoffs as he’s wiping his tear stained cheeks but he can’t help smile back at you.

Seated around the dining table, as always by Jaemin’s side and opposite Jisung, their father sits at the head of the table and more food than ever is being served tonight in celebration. You’re much more quiet tonight despite Jaemin continuously making sure you feel involved in the conversation, you’re eternally grateful for him. “So Y/N, why did you leave home?” their father asks so casually it almost goes unnoticed by the boys but Jisung almost chokes on his water, Jeno’s eyes widen and Jaemin almost immediately tries to shut down the conversation “Father” he gives him a pointed look, jaw clenched, eyebrows furrowed as he shakes his head.

“Jaemin, it's okay" you smile towards him, "freedom i suppose sir" you answer the question and Jisung's father squints his eyes, as he lets out a hum in acknowledgement of your answer. "Even after all your family has done for you?" He continues to question "you come from the family my late wife used to work under, am I correct?" And you simply nod "yes I do".

"The late General's daughter" he states "I wonder if he's turning in his grave at this moment" Jisung's grip on his silverware tightens and you notice his knuckles turn white and once again Jaemin's stare is begging his father to stop as Jeno looks over to see how affected you are by his cruel words. You don't falter though, you know what you've done can seem selfish but it was necessary "I'm sure he is" you laugh out "but he's always known I'm never one to listen" you continue to pick away at the food on your plate and you can feel all there gazes falls onto you, as you look up Jisung’s eye bore into yours as he mouths a soft “sorry” to you and you smile back at him shaking your head.

“I assume you’ve run from marriage” Jisung’s father starts up conversation again and you only nod as an answer “Are you against marriage?” he asks and it’s if he wants tears to fall from your eyes as he keeps pushing where he knows it’ll hurt. “Of course not but I would like to pursue a higher education or experience the world first” you explain, still keeping your calm.

“You think a woman is capable of doing such things?” he asks again and it’s this question that really makes your skin crawl and your jaw tighten. Questioning your methods of gaining freedom is one thing but looking down on all women and claiming them unable is one you can’t stand for. “I think we are very capable, I think the suffragettes have made that very clear and sir didn’t you work with the Weimar Government, they were the first government to allow women to vote I would think their initiative would have rubbed off on you” and he only smiles at your answer.

“I was stationed in Germany and worked under the Weimar Government up until their collapse, you’re correct” he begins to tell you “I have to tell you that I agree with your view, I’ve seen much that women are capable of doing” he says and your eyes widen at his words “I think what you did was brave and admirable, my three boys could learn from you, I hope you can lend Jisung some of your courage” he smiles at you and your jaw still hangs as does everyone else's around the table and as you look up to find pink hues invading Jisung’s cheeks once again, if you didn’t know any better you would have thought it were always like that regardless. You nod at their father before answering back “I think I’m the one who’s learning a lot form Jisung sir” and the shades of pink darken

The atmosphere had lightened again somewhat although the topic on war was not a light one at all, as their father expressed his worry about sending his three sons off to war and how in ruins the country would be again, worry sat in your chest. Jeno and Jaemin are strong all physically, emotionally and mentally but Jisung is the sweet boy who wouldn’t hurt a bee. “What do you think of the current situation of our country Y/N'' Jeno taking you out of your thoughts, you head snaps up to him “I think the war is unavoidable despite our economic stance, Germany has already invaded Czechoslovakia and it’s only time before they invade Poland meaning our involvement in the war is definite whether we want it or not'' the table falls silent as they process your words and it’s not until Jisung’s father begins to nod and expand on your thoughts but you zone out as you watch Jisung fiddle with the knotted lavenders you had gifted him and your lips can’t help but curve.

The next morning a book awaited you on your vanity, a scarlet red cover with gold print, you ran your fingers along. “Sonnets'' it read and as you flicked open to the first page, familiar handwriting appeared “A collection of my favourite - Jisung” a smile spread across your face as it usually did when your thoughts ran to Jisung. You sat down flicking to the first poem “Sonnet 18” a giggle escaped your mouth and like a schoolgirl already aware of the beauty Shakespear's arguably most famous sonnet holds, the giddy feeling of butterflies blooming caused your heartbeat to quicken and a heat to rise.

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

And summer’s lease hath all too short a date:

Sometimes too hot the eye of heaven shines,

And too often is his gold complexion dimm’d:

Annotations surround the poem as Jisung highlights and picks out certain lines. The second line is underlined and next to it he writes “Though you are lovely, temperate is definitely up for debate” he teases and you scoff at his words. You read on and lines four and five are underlined and his annotation reads “The eye of heaven is you who shines gloriously throughout the day and yet too often you allow yourself to dim. Don’t.”

And every fair from fair sometimes declines,

By chance or natures changing course untrimm’d;

By thy eternal summer shall not fade,

Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;

“You are my eternal summer, your beauty is one that isn’t possible to vanish, it’s infinite unlike summer which collapses in winter” you read on as lines nine and ten are underlined.

Nor shall Death brag thou wander’st in his shade,

When in eternal lines to time thou growest:

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,

So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

The the final annotation as the last three lines are highlighted, Jisung says “Your beauty shall remain eternal so long as my heart beats, so long as i live and breathe, so long as my eyes can see your beauty, I only seem to think of you now as i read this poem and in this poem the memory of you shall live on” you heart beats erratically in your chest, you’re breathless as his words halt your breathing. Forgetting such simple acts as thinking and even breathing seem to be a regular side effect in the presence of Jisung, just the mere thought of him. Your palms grow sweaty, your heart clenches reading over the words again and again, you pinch yourself. For this moment, seems like nothing but a dream, your heads in the cloud, you're living in the heavens. The feeling is suffocating, your own throat is closing in on you, the pain in your chest spreads like wildfire, your whole body aches with admiration for him. Yet the constant question looms over your head, what does he really mean by this? Is his feeling the same as yours? Or is he portraying the beautiful friendship you both have built over the weeks? One thing is sure and it’s that you can’t ruin that, can’t let the heavy air seep in once again and weigh you down.

The days folded out as normal, Jisung’s presence still as overwhelming as ever but you couldn’t help but find serenity in it, he was soft spoken yet his silence speaks the loudest for him, his grace and beauty as were one to be envied by all but you were nothing more than grateful for being able to witness it day after day, it were as if he had walked out of your dreams. The stolen glances, lingering stares as he smiled or laughed, he stole your heart and he wasn’t even aware it was his anyways. Sitting opposite him, you stare not caring if he or anyone catches you for your far past the point of holding any shame and allowing your eyes to do as they please.

"I have something to announce" Jeno suddenly speaks up, breaking the silence, all eyes turn to him and he audibly gulps. You’ve never seen him so nervous, fiddling with his silverware you almost mistook him for Jisung. He clears his voice before speaking, taking in a deep breath he prepares himself for the words that are about to leave him, “I am to marry” he says quickly waiting for a response, an outroar, a gasp and maybe a few tears but none of them come.

“About time don’t you think” Jaemin laughs out causing the rest of the table to release small giggles at Jeno’s expense, “You have been all giddy and heart eyes at that girl in the village since we were all but five- OW" Jaemin's face twists in pain, hands rushing to his shin as he's cut off by a harsh kick. Jisung and you burst into laughter not being able to hold it in any longer.

"And what are you two laughing at" Jeno punches at Jisung’s shoulder, immediately causing him to halt his laughter as he rubs his shoulder “Well brother, it’s not like it is a secret. Even Y/N knows” and you giggle again as Jisung enlightens Jeno on his obvious swooning.

“What?” Jeno’s eyes widen as he turns to you and you can’t help but laugh even more. “We visited the village and your eyes were stuck, Jeno you walked straight into Jisung” you burst out laughing as you recall the memory. Once the laughter, the teasing, the amount of huffs that leave Jeno quiet down your left with comfort, a bliss that you’ve never felt before, a smile that just won’t leave your face. It’s a beautiful feeling and you wish to memorise it for if numbness overtakes your body, you can relive this exact moment of the solace you found in those around this table.

“Is that three out of the four of us in love?” Jaemin smirks as he lifts his glass to his lips, looking around the table, Jeno scoffs at his words but confusion is written all over you and Jisung. Did Jaemin know that your heart only seems to beat for Jisung? How did he know? Who was the other person? Was it Jaemin or Jisung? If Jisung, who did he love? The questions ran through your mind in circles and it only spewed more questions to follow, your head was spinning stuck in the spiral of curiosity, but curiosity always killed the cat.

But cats have 8 other lives right? That is what you had decided later that night, sat beside Jisung on the stone wall, letting curiosity take over you - slightly. Your legs dangled, swinging them back and forth, whilst Jisung’s gaze was set on the crashing waves of purple as the moon pulled them back and forth; yours were stuck on him. The moonlight illuminated, captured his beauty in a way the sun couldn’t, it seemed the goddess of the moon saw greater beauty in Jisung than Apollo could ever begin to understand.

“I could not fail to realise that sonnet 23 was not amongst your favourite” your eyes darting out towards the fields as his turn to you, “It’s one of my favourites” you tell him.

“I’m sorry to disappoint but do you not think it’s a bit cliche” he laughs and your eyebrows shoot up in slight disbelief “and sonnet 18 is not” you scoff, finally meeting his eyes.

“Sonnet 18 is beautiful” he argues and he swings into you, nudging you slightly, rolling your eyes you nudge him back “Sonnet 23 is just as or dare I say more” and he smiles slightly, eyes turning back to the night sky, the clouds running over the moon and Jisung is left amongst the stars. “How so?” he dares to question.

“It is, for one, far more romantic” you begin “the thought of one loving you with so much passion, so unconditionally that it can not even be professed by words yet the love they feel is so strong they need an escape, to tell that person what they can not truly express fully, to let them show you how much they love you. To hear with eyes as Shakespear so beautifully put it” you nudge him again and he looks down at you, a smile as radiant as the sun,moon and stars combined graces you and again Jisung has stolen your heart in complete silence

“Yet what I love about Sonnet 18 is that it is not too romantic, that the love that Shakespear professes can be for a lover or a friend, he speaks of all the imperfections of summer yet still he loves it, he describes the person he loves as someone who defies all the imperfections for in his eyes they are perfect imperfections when it comes to them” he nudges you back with a slight giggle but you can’t return his happiness for you have been stung as his words seep into your mind.

“Oh for a friend” you whisper, he hears your words but not the sadness behind them as he continues with that bright smile “and that is why it was so perfect to give to you” his words are daggers to the heart, piercing through, it shatters and the fine pieces scatter throughout you and the sadness seeps through every fibre, cell and atom of your body.

“Are you feeling well?”he asks and worry sweeps the smile off his face as he finds the glossiness of your eyes, the slight redness as well as the unusual silence from you. “Fine” you answer jumping off the stone wall, “Just tired” you say looking out to the goddess of the moon one last time, unable to turn and look at the art she admired most. “Goodnight Jisung” you say as you turn back to the house, not sparing him a glance for he stole your heart and then broke it.

Though that night your tears mixed with moonlight until Morpheus took you to dream and then the next morning tears mixed with sunlight as Apollo pulled his golden chariot, with swollen eyes and a throbbing head you promised this wouldn’t affect the beautiful friendship that had bloomed. Jisung may not love you the way you would like but he still loved you, as a friend. The mere thought of the word stung, another aching rippled through you and your bones quacked.

Many dusks and dawns had passed and since,you’ve managed to create some distance between you and Jisung but as once said distance makes the heart grow fonder and you curse whoever uttered such truth. For every stolen glance and accidental touch seemed to make your dormant heart beat with every intent of being heard as it rose to your throat, suffocating you.

Jeno’s upcoming wedding being the greatest of all excuses to run away from the burning presence of Jisung, for you would flee to the village with Daphne and pick out materials, help Jeno’s fiance pick flowers, handwrite invitations with Jeno and accompany Jaemin on whatever errands he had been sent to do. No one questioned how you decided to spend your time, other than of course Jaemin who couldn’t help but let his curiosity lead the words that spewed out of him, to which you told him he’d regret someday.

“Just tell me Y/N” he groans as he carries the large basket of apples “Why spend your time with me instead of Jisung” he continues to pursue the answers you deny him of.

“Maybe because, and I dare to say, I like your company more” you pinch his cheek and laugh at the pout that forms on his face “What answer are you looking for Jaems, what would you have me say?”

“I want you to say you are helplessly in love with my brother who is just as in love with you however both of you are too busy quoting literature that is up for interpretation rather than professing your feelings because you lack the courage to do so” you freeze at his words and he also comes to a halt, turning towards you his eyes, sympathetic “you both are as obvious as Jeno” he lets out a small laugh.

“He does not love me Jaemin” your voice stern as you try to convince one who believes in fairytales, your steps quicken and he chases after you “and how exactly do you know?” he questions, curiosity endless.

“He said so, he said he gifted me Sonnet 18 as a friend.” You scoff at the absurd word that causes so much pain and you say it with spite everytime.

“Like I said he lacks courage and as my father said you, Y/N, can help him gain it” he tells you, eyes wide with hope and you admire Jaemin for being a hopeless romantic and you only hope he meets someone who completely fulfills his ideology of love.

“I don’t think I possess such courage anymore” you break it to him for Jisung has broken your heart once, how can you have the courage to allow him the chance to do it again.

Jeno’s wedding arrived much sooner than expected, as the weeks rushed past in much haste as the many busy bodies prepared for the beautiful evening and as hard as you tried to separate yourself from Jisung, the universe liked to disrupt those plans. To the place it all started, so close yet so far apart, you stood rows away from Jisung picking only the prettiest lavenders as per Jeno’s request. The air was thick and heavy despite the August breeze that ran through the fields, an unfamiliar heaviness sat between you two for even as strangers you were far more comfortable. Maybe it’s due to the curiosity you held back then, for the boy in the lavender field, beauty that wasn’t done justice by the word but now that you know him, adore him and are in love with him and now that your heart belongs to him but his not to yours. There’s a void left for the seeping awkwardness to fill, an uneasiness sat in your gut and every moment was excruciating to bare as your heart pains at every beat that belongs to him who does not seem to care.

“Lavenders wouldn’t be my first pick for a wedding” he speaks up first, the silence with you was something he wasn’t used to, you always made sure to replace it with continuous talking and contagious laughter and now that you weren’t, it didn’t feel right to him but you only nod in response not entertaining his thoughts any further. Jisung preferred silence, his thoughts more coherent, his emotions understandable, the silence was comfortable and not overwhelming but with you he couldn’t stand it, mind always wondering what you were thinking, what you were feeling, he needed to know.

So he carries on speaking, “If it were up to me, Irises and carnations” he expects an interrogation, your endless curiosity asking why that would be his pick but it never comes. So he continues speaking, giving you the answer you didn’t ask for “Irises mean faith, fitting for a lifelong vow” he laughs as he looks over to you stoic expression, cutting off his soft laughter he again begins to speak “and carnation, white ones that symbolise-”

“Eternal love” you cut him off, turning to him, finally speaking yet your tone is monotonous and there is no emotion evident on your face. There’s slight fear in him and it rises, a lump forming in his throat that he can’t quite seem to swallow “Exactly” he choked out, voice strained.

You let out a breath that seemed to be weighing you down, you couldn’t let him continue talking about the meaning behind the flowers, your heart couldn’t take it for aching stops momentarily and instead it flutters and swoons across your chest but then reality hit and it shatters all over again, the pain shooting through your bloodstream.

“Are you feeling well?” he asks as he always does and you answer “Fine” as you always do, even though you both know it’s a lie but he doesn’t push any further as always. The longing feeling for you to look at him and spill all your worries and feelings to him is so great but he doesn’t want to push you to nor does he expect you to trust him with that vulnerability when he himself does not have the courage to do the same back to you.

“I’m going to leave after Jeno’s wedding” you announce working up the little courage you have left, if you say it out loud then you’ll have to follow through. “Thank you for everything” you brace yourself to meet his eyes once more as you turn. “What? Why?” concern so evident in the way his voice wavers, eye glossed over as tears threaten to fall.

“I left to seek my own happiness in life, to make a mark on this Earth yet instead I ran from relying on my family to relying on you and yours” again your voice is completely void of emotions, yet every part of your body was screaming. Longing for the warmth, solace and peace you had found here and it’s at this point you curse yourself for memorising that bliss for all you will do is miss it.

“Did you not feel happiness here?” he screams out, harsher than he expected as he voice comes out rough and broken and you stand there eyes wide for this was the first time the pure,silent and serene boy that stands in the lavender fields has allowed so much emotion to course through his body and you can tell by the way he shakes, the way he struggles to breath and the shock that immediately washed over him upon hearing his own voice raised “I’m sorry” he mumbles in a heavy exhale.

“Thank you for everything Jisung” you offer him a smile as you leave, avoiding his question, leaving him standing alone in the lavender fields.

Leaving the basket of lavenders with Jeno, you rush up the stairs and only when behind the safety of your door do you allow the tears to come streaming down your face, sobs escaping and you hold your mouth to conceal them as you take deep shaky breaths to steady your breathing. Your whole body aches and shakes as it mours the end of your stay, the tears cloud your vision and as you lay down to ease the heartbeat in your head, you cry yourself into a slumber. Even as the dreams swirl around you, pulling you into the unconscious, reality never truly slips away, it haunts you as even in the world you build you can’t stray away from it. The ability to dream of anything further isn’t a possibility, he doesn’t love you and that’s the reality. Why bother dreaming of something that isn’t meant to be. Yet you can’t help but dream of him. His eyes, his smile, his warmth, the pink dust that always decorates his cheeks, his laugh and his existence.

In your days you are held hostage by the daydreams, the what ifs. It felt like you had loved him in every lifetime, you wonder if any had got it right? Had any been loved by him? Your body lies stiff, falling in and out of consciousness but your mind never leaves him. Days go by but time becomes nothing but a construct, eating only becomes a chore.

“Y/N?” a soft voice calls as the door narrows open, a steady stream of gold shining in. You don't move, your head feeling like it's weighed down but you can easily identify the soft voice that speaks. "I brought you something to eat" the footsteps near you, the heavy thuds vibrating through your head. Your eyes peek open to meet Jaemin who crouches down beside you. He moves the few stray strands of hair behind your ear, noticing the wet glimmer of your cheeks he wipes away the tears that stain them.

"What's wrong?" He whispers as if any harsher tone would break you, as if you weren't already broken. You shake your head as your only reply, voice too weak and broken to speak up. You would love to talk to Jaemin, to spill all your worries and heartache but this is a pain too painful to speak of. His hands hold onto your cheeks wiping away any of the stray tears that still fall. His warmth is comforting but it only makes you yearn for Jisung’s more.

Jaemin doesn't leave you that day, he sits by your side in silence. He holds your hand and wipes away your tears, he doesn't attempt to mend your heart, he just sits beside you as it cries out the pain. "It will heal, it will mend itself" he whispers to you as you drift off into the unconscious once again.

It’s the constant knocking at your door that drags you out of the depths of your slumber, pulling you back, the light that streams in as the sun is about to set and you wonder how long you have slept, what time it was and what day it is. Then another knock calls your attention from the window and Daphne steps in “Y/N” she says and her voice is high in surprise as she examines the puffy redness around your eyes. “I was expecting you to be already awake, it is almost time to head to the wedding” she chooses to ignore the wet stains on your silk pillow, choosing to bite her tongue. You choose not to answer her back afraid your voice was raspy and would break, you crawl towards the edge of the bed and swing your legs over as you make your way to the chair that neatly holds your gown for the night, the night that has finally arrived,your last night.

You can see her face change, each one expressing the internal turmoil within her as she questions whether or not to say something. “Just say it Daphne '' you sigh out in a weak smile as you change into the many layers that need to be placed under the gown.

“Ah well” she begins nervously as she fiddles with her loose strings of her apron, she stutters and stumbles over her words but you’ve been taught patience by Jisung as he’d do the same.You smile at the memory of him stuttering, blush across his cheeks as he got nervous causing him to stumble over his words more. You loved seeing him so flustered, loved seeing him progressively become so comfortable around you he never stuttered, became so confident and articulate it was as if he became another person but the same dust of pink never faded but the more you think of him the more it pains and your heart swells as it aches. “You see y/n” she finally spits out as if she had been wrestling the words “If this is your last night, would you not want to leave with a loving memory?” she asks nervously.

“So it seems word has travelled” you let out a small laugh as you turn to her to pull the strings of your gown and as her hands move to tie knots she laughs as well “Nothing gets past me” and her nervousness visibly dissipates. No more words are exchanged as she helps you ready for tonight, no more words are needed as she sees you slip into the depths of your mind, thinking of what your next act is.

As she places the same pearl necklace you wore the day you came here around your neck, clasping it, she finally turns to leave and through the mirror you see her hesitate but she turns back around a smile across her face “It was a pleasure to meet you ma’am” she says with teary eyes “Y/N” you correct her as you rise quickly, wrapping your arms tightly around her and from the corner of your eye you see Jisung standing at the end of the hallway, witnessing the goodbye he run back down stairs. You saw the glossiness of his eyes and though you would love to leave as a happy memory, would he allow it?

You nervously make your way to the drawing room, there he sits in a black suit, his hair neatly styled yet it looks not much different to everyday. He should not look this good but he does because he is the epitome of beauty. He is beauty personified. You let out a deep breath before you step into his line of view, preparing yourself for whatever is to come next. “Jisung” you call softly but he refuses to look up at you, you can hear him sniffle and his breathing is heavy and you almost could trick yourself into believing he loved you the way you loved him. You sit beside him and take his hand in yours, rubbing small soothing circles by the knuckle of his thumb you attempt to speak, “I am leaving” you choke out,the words are stuck in your throat and he rips his hands away from yours, turning completely with his back towards you. You sigh once again, “Let’s me leave with good memory” you beg, voice small and shaky. This was not the y/n Jisung first met, not the y/n he knows now and definitely not the y/n he fell in love with for you were never one to speak so quietly, yet here you are broken. So he puts away his own selfishness to feel sadness, anger or whatever pulsing emotion that runs course throughout his body.

He turns back to you, eyes glossy and a pout on his lips as he raises a long string of black silk. “I cannot tie it” his voice breaks slightly and you can’t help but smile at his cuteness. You take the silk from his hand and wrap it against his neck, slowly weaving it in and out of itself, you form a knot. “Learn this from a book?” he teases and you can’t help but scoff and roll your eyes. Falling back to where you were with Jisung was never hard, falling in love with him all over again was never hard. “my father taught me” you say as you pull the silk slightly causing his head to jolt forward. A smile perks at his lips as he lets out air from his nose as a form of laughter and you don't realise the lack of space between you two until you feel it brush against your skin and you near closer, eyes drawn to his lips. Your breathing stops and your heart sporadically jumps around in your chest, beating louder than ever.

Jisung’s eyes are closed as he waits for your lips to be placed upon his but they never come and his eyes jump open at the sound of Jaemin’s voice, your warmth escaping him. So close and yet so far, his eyes land on you who’s now moved as far as possible from him. “Y/N, do you know how to tie a tie?” he walks in looking down at the balck silk he holds around his neck but he cuts himself off as his eyes rise to find you and Jisung awkwardly sitting beside each other. “Oh am I interrupting?” he asks in a chuckle as he raises an eyebrow and you shoot up onto your feet, making your way towards him “No not at all” you wave your arms as if it would convince Jaemin. You grab onto both ends of the silk strand, repeating the same movements as earlier and looking down at the silk you can practically feel Jaemin’s smile that beams from above. You weave the string in and out of itself and pull tight around his neck causing Jaemin’s head to pull back “OW '' he huffs out in a pout, you pat down his tie and with a smile as gleaming as his was a mere moments ago, you apologise.

“Oh y/n you know how to tie a tie, thank god” Jeno rushes in with his father soon after him both holding the same black silk around their neck “Does nobody in this house know how to tie a tie” you laugh in disbelief. “Our mother used to do them,” Jeno whispers as your hands make their way up to form the same knot you’ve made twice already. He thanks you silently with a sweet smile, those crescent moons you adore showing up.You move on to their father, tying his tie neatly and much more carefully than the rest. “Thank you for everything, y/n” he bows his head to you and you whisper “It’s nothing” shyly. “It’s been a pleasure having you become a part of our family” he continues and his words are like a stake to your heart, the same aching reappearing as nothing fails to remind you of your departure.

“Thank you for welcoming me bu-t'' you're cut off instantly

“no buts y/n, you are family” Jeno interrupts and if it was anyone else you don’t think those words would have held such meaning for Jeno is a silent lover, showing his affection through sweet smiles, concerned looks and kind gestures; he was never one for words of affirmation. So you smile, ignoring the tears that prick at your eyes, ignoring the deep breaths that leave Jisung and the solemn sadness on Jaemin’s face.

“We need to go” Jaemin looks down at his pocket watch, as always sensing the tension in the room and ready to dissipate it, he urges everyone out the door and as you’re about to step out, a warmth engulfs you as Jisung catches your hand in his. Turning back you are met with a smile but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes that hold a sense of sadness as they glimmer in the setting sun.

Hours after the sun had sunk into the horizon, the moon well into its reign, music rang through the center of town as everyone gathered to celebrate the new chapter of Jeno’s life. A ceremony so beautiful, you were sure you witnessed true love when Jeno’s eyes set on his bride that walked the altar.

After all the tears, it was finally time for the bubbling of champagne to intoxicate your bloodstream and to allow the music to take control of every swayed movement of your body. Standing under the yellow dimmed lights, Jisung glew a gold you didn’t know existed but easily was the prettiest you had ever seen. His cheekbones high and lips painted pink, golden flute in hand and silk tie loosened you could easily say he was the prettiest here, outshining all. For Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty lived through him, simple acts such as greeting guests left you stunned. Eyes chasing every movement of his, from the way his hands moved as he spoke, to the way he smiled once seeing an old friend, the way he laughed softly in conversation and when his eyes travelled back to you when he thought you weren't looking.

And to pull you out of that trance was none other than Jaemin, “Would you and Jisung stop exchanging lover eyes and dance already” he whispers as he places himself beside you, you scoff at his words and slightly nudge him with your elbow.

“Are you so bored that your eyes follow mine?” you question and his simple and instant “Yes” make your eyes roll as far as possible but you can’t help but smile. “When will you find your own love story? This is one hopeless”

“So when were you planning to tell me you were leaving after tonight” his words don’t come as a surprise, nothing goes past Jaemin but it still doesn’t fail to make your every movement halt as guilt overtakes you, turning to him you begin to explain “I was going to tell you as soon as the night was over, it was unexpected I promise” you say softly.

“I don’t suppose i can change your mind in any way?” he asks hopefully, still with the knowledge he wouldn’t be able to. You shake your head slowly, unable to say the words that will so obviously ruin the both of you but Jaemin is never one to sit in sadness, always being his priority to make you feel better.

“Would you allow me this first dance?” he bows down asking for your hand and with that you place yours in his, placing a soft kiss to the knuckles he pulls you into the center of the floor. Legs moving to the beat, Jaemin’s hand on your waist he guides you through the waltz, breaths heaving and smiles plastered on your face he bends down once more to place a kiss on your knuckles as the music dies down declaring the end of the dance, a sad smile spreads across his face and he whispers “Goodbye” against your skin, looking up to meet your eyes who hold nothing but despair. Yet the hardest is to come when you turn and automatically your eyes find Jisungs, who just happened to be looking your way.

You offer him a smile before heading towards him “And why are you not dancing, I’m sure plenty of girls are just about dying to be your first dance” you tease him and he laughs along with you, hands rising they scratch the back of his neck as he prepares to confess to you “I actually do not know how to dance” he spits out fast hoping you don't catch his words but you do. Eyes widening and mouth agape, you let out a gasp

“Jisung you do not know how to-” you're cut off by his hand on your mouth as he looks around to see if anyone has heard the sentence about to leave you.

“Quietly, I think the whole of London can hear you” he says in a whisper still looking around. Removing his hand, you roll your eyes at his antics.

“Let me teach you” you whisper back and he turns to you, eyebrow raised as he assesses how good of a dancer you could be.

“I am not entirely sure, who did you learn from? A book?” he teases, still completely in character until you shove him and his laughter comes spilling out “You used the joke once already” you roll your eyes

“I was taught by trainers actually, do you forget I was to be wed” you scoff at his assumption and rise to your feet, hand extended for Jisung to take. He stares at you, watches the way the light bounces off your skin causing you to glow, your eyes glimmer, smile bright and the confidence and charm you carry in inexplicably attractive as you stand under the moon, offering to be Jisung’s first dance and it’s here he decides you’ll be his last.

The moment his hand is in yours, you drag him straight to the crowd, the music is quick to start and you waste no time in giving out instructions. “Place your hand on my waist” you order

“Your what?” Jisung’s eyes are wide as he cluelessly asks

“My waist” you repeat again, emphasizing each word and you drag his hand up and place it on your waist for yourself. Then putting your own hand on his shoulder, you pull him a little closer. “Just follow my lead” you reassure him as you witness the petrified look on his face.

“Left foot forward” you say to him as you move yours back, “Right foot forward, feet together” you continue to guide him through the dance as you spin around the room, ‘Now left foot back, right foot back, now feet together” you repeat the sequined dance around the room, music thumping through your body and you convince yourself it’s that you feel and not the heavy beats of your heart as the space between you and Jisung seems to close more and more. As he leans in so close you can feel the air that leaves him, fanning over you. You look up and his eyes are set on you, only adoration is held in them and Jisung thinks it’s now or never as he tries to fully close the gap between you two, to place his lips on yours but then you let go, head turning to the right “Now we switch you” you say as you land into another man's arms, repeating the same steps you did with Jisung moments ago with another. So close and yet so far is all Jisung can think whilst his eyes watch you twirl about the room.

Once finally back in his arms, the music seizes and he’s forced to remove himself from you. You can’t help but smile at him as he looks down at you, breathing heavily with a flush of pink to his cheeks yet he seems to be gleaming in the buzzing sensation of a waltz. The air is heavy with sweat and alcohol, the room is filled with chatter and loud laughs but that all falls away once you look at Jisung. So you dance to every song as if you were the only two people to exist, for this was your last night and this was your last dance.

Endless glasses of champagne later your dancing feet carry you outside, the cool summer nights air washes over you, clearing your mind of the foggy mist of alcohol yet the coolness of the moonlight is overwhelmed by the warmth of Jisung’s presence as he stumbles next to you, tripping over his own legs he lands in your arms. “I think you drank a little too much” you laugh down at him.

“No I am perfectly fine” He quickly stabilizes himself, straightening out his clothes and you can only smile as he shakes off your support. “If you say so” you turn to the night sky, looking up to the moon who you haven't had the courage to face since. The wind rushing past you, crickets croaking and the stars blazing across the sky, your legs about to give way as the alcohol circulates your body, you find purchase on a stone bridge, Jisung following soon after you. The water trickles down under you, the calming sound washes over you and the solace you so missed seems to make an appearance once again as you allow yourself to surrender to Jisung’s presence. Silence sits between the two of you but it’s not the one you wish to fill, insead you choose to let it engulf you not wanting words to taint this moment. Your last moment.

Jisung however doesn’t think he can hold it in anymore, the liquid courage is just about enough for him to declare his roaring love for you, a flame that won’t go out no matter how far he pushes the idea of you away. He wasn’t sure if this was love but the ache in his chest all these days proved it could be nothing but love. The longing to be by your side as you found happiness, found your own way into this world and to watch you become who you want, is unbearably strong. This is his only chance before the goddess of the moon takes you away with her, for when the sun rises, you'll set into nothing but a memory. So here Jisung turns to you, staring at your beautifully carved features, moonlight highlighting every perfection; deep breaths he calms his nerves. Adrenaline rushing through every nerve, he finally builds the courage and out the words he never knew would feel so good to pronounce “Y/N I love you” it comes out in a whisper but by the way your eyes widen, breathing halts, Jisung knows you’ve heard.

“Jisung you are drunk” you laugh off

“Drunk lies are sober truths” he says in all seriousness, his eyes are begging for yours to turn to him and so you give in to their silent cry. “I’ve loved you from the moment I met you, for I thought soulmates were nothing but a fairytale until mine spoke to me upon laying eyes on you. I denied my feelings towards you, for I didn’t know if it was love I felt for you or not but I do. Love, adoration, affection and warmth. The moon only looks beautiful with you under it, the sun only shines with you beside me.” he professes and the sincerity in his voice strucks you, for every fiber of your being longs for these exact words but can you believe him?

He inches closer, his scent and warmth trapping you in a trance and you can’t find it in yourself to back away as he moves towards your lips, his breath mixing with your own, the flush off his cheeks that are illuminated by the moonlight. Everything is perfect except he’s drunk. Though your heart screams for you to close the gap, place your lips on his and kiss him until he’s breathless, your head scream the opposite, move back, wait till the morning when his head is in the right place, don’t allow him to make a mistake that’ll hurt you and when were you ever one to not listen to your mind. “You are drunk” you whisper to him, so close he can almost feel your lips move against his, flinching back, ignoring the cry of your heart that desires nothing more than to feel Jisung’s confession. Jisung’s eyes open to find you pulled away, for once again he was so close yet so far.

“We should return” you jump up, step fastening back to the crowds of people who were still dancing and laughing. Jisung’s hurried footsteps rush beside you, his hand holding onto your wrist, he pulls you into him. Arms wrapping around you so tight, he’s afraid you’ll pull away and that he’ll lose you. You already pulled away from him once, you’re not sure you have the power in you to do it a second; so you let him hold you. His face hidden into the crook of your neck, he speaks into your skin

“Love for you fades the exhausting hours till Kingdom come, for even then my soul only speaks of you, my heart only beats for you. Let me love and let me give, for both are infinite” he confesses once again.

Your arms instantly wrap around his figure, you allow your love to course through your body to his, you hope he can feel your heartbeat, the steady pace that keeps you alive for his existence, and him only. For without him what was the purpose of living? You stand there under the moonlight, red strings wrapped around you, Eros’s arrow shot through you, and hold onto each other.

Walking back, hand in hand, smiling like fools. The air smells sweeter, the world seems brighter as your heart skips a beat every now and then “In all honesty” Jisung breaks the blissful silence, his voice deep and smooth and it sends shivers down and through you just as it did the first day. Once your eyes are on him, giving him your undivided attention he continues “I lacked the courage to gift you Sonnet 23 but I wanted to” he tells you “Promise” he makes sure you believe his words and you can’t help but smile.

“You still lack courage, this is the alcohol’s courage” you tease him, swinging your arms back and forth as you walk on. He giggles at your comment because he knows it’s true, if it wasn’t for the liquid courage he doesn’t think he would have been able to confess to you but he’s glad he has because if he hadn’t, would he ever get the chance to?

“So will you stay?” he asks, voice hopeful and eyes pleading as he pouts, in hope it would convince you but you didn’t need anymore convincing, for if you want to follow happiness and happiness just so happens to follow Jisung, who were you to seek for more elsewhere. “Perhaps” a smirk makes it way up your lips as you give him vague answers. “I will take that as a yes” he laughs out, holding onto your hand a little bit tighter, to ensure you really weren’t going anywhere.

Love is a complex feeling, one that causes an unbearable amount of pain; as if your chest had been slit open, heart pulled out and crushed. An aching pain resonates throughout your whole body, endless tears and you don’t think you can live to see another sunrise yet it’s euphoric in every way. From the tingling sensation at just the sight of your love, the shivers, the heat that takes over, the trance you left in as their words hypnotise you, the warmth of their presence and sweet scent. In Jisung you found peace,solace,serenity and love.

“Jaemin” Jisung calls out as he can just about make him out in the distance “Y/N said she has decided to stay” he shouts out like a child, excited he’s jumping up and down and you find yourself smiling and laughing again, for with Jisung it’s the only thing you seem to be able to do. Yet as you draw closer to Jaemin and the guests he happens to be wishing a farewell too, your smile and heart both drop.

“Y/N” one of the two men calls out as your figure becomes more apparent to them, disbelief held in their voice as they call out to you. Jisung and Jaemin eyebrows shot up in shock, eyes widening as they wonder how you are acquainted.

“How do you know our y/n?” Jaemin asks, always being the first one to dissolve the awkward silences, the men are taken aback clearly by the way their jaws hang slightly.

“She is our sister” the taller stutters out, your blood rushes cold as the words leave his lips, what would happen now? Would they allow you to just roam free? You thought for a second before you mentally scolded yourself, they would never allow that. They will force you back. “I am not returning” you spit out, not beating around the bush, you get straight to the point.

“But you must, mother is left worried" he tries to grab onto your wrist but you move back not allowing him to get a hold on you.

"Worried for me? Or that the season is almost finished?" You question him and guilt is evident in his eyes as your question takes him aback.

"Don't be silly" your younger brother tries to calm you, "we just want you home" he tries to convince you.

"I am perfectly fine on my own" you stand your ground even though you see the frustration in your older brother, creep closer and closer to the surface "I have no intention of returning" you continue to press forward.

"Do you not feel shame, what would father have to say?" He dares ask. Shame? The word linger in your head for you to wonder if your brother truly knows the definition of the word or were all those years at Oxford a waste. For how had this brought shame upon you or your father, how does a want for purpose,happiness and freedom lead to shame?

"For if father was alive, this problem wouldn't have occurred. He would have listened" you hissed, jaw tight as you teeth clenched and the words slipped out through the small cracks.

"How naive of you to think'' he laughs and finally latches onto your wrist, holding tightly he's prepared to drag you to the carriage until another holds you back. Jisung’s hand holds onto your arm, pulling you back, looking back you don’t think you have never seen such fierce eyes. A red you never thought you’d see engulf Jisung, he’s not prepared to let you go. "Let go" your brother's voice is stern as he clenches his jaw yet Jisung doesn't budge.

"Jisung this isn't our place" Jaemin whispers, defeat in his voice and he is right. What say do they have in this? If you don’t even have a choice, who are they to decide but then again you are certain a man’s opinion will most definitely be heard by your brother over your own anyday. “Let go of her,” Jisung threatened.

Your brother couldn’t help but scoff at his words “She belongs to me, I am her blood and she holds mine and my father’s name” his grip tightening around your wrist as he pulls you towards him once more, your eyebrows furrow and you wince in slight pain, Jaemin instinctively flinches forward before stopping himself, getting involved will just make it worse he reminds himself. You smile at him weakly in hopes it can put him at ease but as both your arms are being held hostage, both cuffs tightening as the seconds go by not one daring to back down.

“She doesn’t belong to anyone” Jisung spits back “She is free to do as she pleases and she chooses to stay here” he continuously argues in hope of changing his mind , yet what can he possibly do? Now that they have found you, what is left for you to do? They will not let you live on how you wish, they will not leave without you and even if they didn’t take you tonight, they will come back for you. It’ll only cause chaos, you will again become a burden on someone else. “You do not own her” he repeats.

The words you so despise form on your tongue and as you open your mouth to say them, Jisung’s eye beg you not to. He knows what's to come and even as every ounce of your being screams and cries as the words are spoken, you let them leave you regardless. “Let go Jisung” voice weak, shaking.

“But you said you would stay” his voice shaky, encased in sadness, his grip weakens but his hold stays, unable to let you go once he’s finally got you but you were always a dream to him, one that never seemed quite real and though you mixed with reality, almost coming true, he was but a fool to believe you could be his.

“I said maybe” your voice quiet, breaking a promise you didn’t make, breaking his heart and breaking yours that was just put back together.

“She said for you to let go” Your brother interrupts, a smirk on his face that Jaemin has a dying need to punch off but he retains himself. Jisung lets go of you hesitantly, his hand still lingering onto the skin of your forearm and you take in his touch one last time. He watches you leave, tears falling from his eyes for you were so close yet so far.

The tears from that night, months ago, have yet still to dry for every living and breathing moment is lived in agony, longing turning into nothing but numbness as it engulfed your being and became you. Days and nights merged, smiles are a forgotten act for it felt awkward even attempting. The large manor is silent, it perfectly resembles the void in your chest. You live as a ghost, sleepless nights and empty days your mind always occupied with the thought of Jisung.

His eyes that held the universe, his warmth the sun envied, his smile were solace was found, his laughter that was contagious, voice that was soothing, beauty unmatched, the gods were both proud and envious of their greatest creation. The years went by and yet the image of his is as clear as ever, preserved in your memories, you live on in your dreams that can’t escape reality. So close and yet so far from each other.

You sit in the empty rooms, walls bare for the art never compared to Jisung’s beauty, you never found art that could express the definition of art as well as Jisung did. Each time looking at Jisung you found a new feature to adore, hidden beauties that appeared when the moonlight hit his skin, features highlighted by the golden rays of the sun. No art seemed to do that, no art seemed worthy of showcasing.

Your library remains empty, clearing it out of all books, you couldn't bear to look at one again. For everyone of them taunted you with the memory of him. The way he used to sit in the center of the room, arms sprawled out on the desk, his head so close to the paper as he would write. Your eyes would follow every one of his movements, so distracted you would forget about the heavy book in your hand. Yet now with a book in hand, your eyes search for distraction. Yearning to find him, to make the pink blush, that you so missed, appear as he couldn't take your stare any longer. The adrenaline of when his eyes suddenly come up to meet yours, the scrambling of his when you catched his stare. You missed it all.

“Shall I compare thee to a summer's day” the performer begins, as you sit around the large table for dinner. Your every movement halts as the words leave his mouth, your mind runs back to the lavender fields, into the small room at the back of the house, finding the scarlet red book. “Thou art more lovely and more temperate” he continues on but no you are not temperate. Your heart aches, your eyes sting and a wave of nausea over takes you. Your fist smash into the table, legs standing up, you push the heavy velvet chair back

“Stop!” you shout, voice hoarse and broken, you can’t help the tears that roll down your cheek. You can’t help the way your whole body shakes upon hearing those words, you can’t help but miss him. The whole room stares at you, a heavy silence settles, the only sounds are your whimpers as you sob in your palms, falling to your knees. Their eyes lingered, terrified. No one dared to speak to you first, let alone the events of the night. Afraid they would cause you to break down once more but they failed to see it was they, who stole happiness away from you, stole freedom and ripped your heart out of your chest. You wandered aimlessly through the many halls, staring out of windows you wanted the sun rise and fall, watched the goddess of the moon shine down on the earth yet neither held the beauty they did when Jisung was by your side.

Summer has come to find you once again, those who say time heals have never been broken. Time doesn’t heal. Time forgets, the world may move on but you do not, you cannot share the same ecstasy the birds sing, the happiness in summer flowers, For now you hate flowers, you hate how their beauty and meaning are only reminders of your longing.

“How about lavenders for the drawing room ma’am, I’m told they are your favourite” the maid asks, her mission to make you smile, to rid you of the constant tear stained cheeks; nothing but a failure is awaiting her. Just the mere thought of lavenders causes your skin to crawl, for nothing symbolises him more than the vibrant violet. Yet you turn to her, a weak smile and you nod because maybe the scent will help ease your heart and just maybe you’ll find serenity in them once more.

Though days were long, summer left in a hurry for now autumn was here once more. The leaves had already begun to brown and the vase filled with lavenders, which sat upon the grand piano, had wilted now - their scent and comfort decaying with them.

And soon followed the day, the world knew would soon be coming, had arrived upon us, September 1st 1939:

“we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.” you read Winston Churchill’s words in the papers, war has arrived. The heavy ring sits on your finger as you stare out the window reminiscing the day you were watching the carriage be prepared and though it is your two brothers and the Earl’s son leaving you can’t help but let your mind imagine Jeno,Jaemin and Jisung, For the war will take them further away from you, to barren land filled with death, guns pointed at them, bombs dropping at anytime. Though the war has imprisoned many,taken from others, you thank it’s timing for it has liberated you momentarily. The Earl’s son waved goodbye to you and though you raise your hand to send him off to a war you’re not sure he’ll return from, you have no intention of calling him your fiance whilst he is gone and if he returns you have no intention of calling him your husband. You pity him in that memory.

“Ma’am” a voice calls out to you, you don’t recognise who it is for every voice sounds the same but regardless it pulls you back to the world of the present for the war was already well into its sixth year. Though your body is here, your heart and soul never left Jisung for he had stolen that long ago. You turn to find a small envelope, blue like the ones that found you happiness. “To y/n'' the handwriting is familiar but to you all letters were painted the way Jisung’s hand did, for your eyes can simply not forget but it is what the letter contained that brought a soul into your lifeless shell.

As an unperfect actor on the stage

Who with his fear is put beside his part,

Sonnet 23 with annotations is what your eyes fall upon, the second line underlined it reads: “With great courage I put aside this fear to confess to you such words that I cannot express on my own.” Your hand runs over the lines, the smell of gunpowder but there is a scent that you so long for. The scent of lavender still lingers onto the parchment which ripples under your clutch. .

Or some fierce thing replete with too much rage,

Whose strength’s abundance weakens his own heart;

The next lines highlighted “For this feeling was just as strong as rage yet it was where I found peace, my heart weakened at the sight of you and from that moment onwards it belonged to you.” A smile naturally took over you, the flutter in your chest an ecstatic feeling you forgot.

So I for fear of trust forget to say

The perfect ceremony of love’s rite,

And in mine own love’s strength seem to decay,

O’ercharged with burden of mine own love’s might.

O, let my books be then the eloquence

And dumb presagers of my speaking breast,

Who plead for love and look for recompense

More than that tongue that more hath more expressed.

O, learn to read what silent love hath writ.

To hear with eyes belongs to love’s fine wit.

“Know that I cannot express the words my soul speaks, for we are worlds apart so allow the empty words of the English language, attempt to convey my love. Look not at my words only but at the way the fool I make in your presence for my mind is clouded with you, heart beats for you and soul yearns for you. For you are my sonnet 18 as a friend and sonnet 23 as a lover.” Tears fall unnoticed, for you hear his voice so clear in your head, for six years you waited for a single word from him and here he has gifted you a sonnet between lovers, so how could you possibly love someone else.

“Yours forever Jisung, the boy who waits in the lavender field”. You sob as you read those words, a fresh new wave of tears staining the parchment as the longing to be in his warmth and comfort is washed upon you as if it were that day you were forced away from him. Opening a wound that never could fully heal.

Waiting is a virtue of love, it proves your love, for it feels equivalent to death and yet you still wait but there is a point in time where you can wait no longer, where you must stop waiting and strive for love now. At this exact moment, it is time. For you are ready to give up the world to run to Jisung, to find the beauty in the moon once more, to find solace in the sweet smell of lavenders once more, to find the warmth of the sun once more, to find happiness once more. For happiness was the only reason worth living.

You're not sure how long you’ve been running, legs moving on their own, you don’t look back you’ve learnt never to look back, never return. As the metallic taste at the back of your throat rises, oxygen running thin and your legs almost collapse from exhaustion. It’s as if you jumped out of the past, gown torn at the train station, you’re left in rags but it’s different this time. For before you ran to find your happiness and now you run to where happiness lies. In a field of lavenders.

Every fiber of your being pulses with the need to see him, hear him, touch him. To feel his warmth once more, to have his voice send serenity through you, to see his eyes again and to smell the sweet scent that lingers around him. You’re not sure what souls are made of but whatever it is yours and his are the same. For your heart yearns for him, desperate, it aches every living second of everyday without him. For a life without love, is a life unlived.

The rows and rows of purple are in sight and there in the middle of it all stands him, waiting. Jisung doesn’t need to turn around to know who it is, he can tell by your footsteps, your breath, your scent and the sudden ease he feels. You are there. Yet he does anyways for the memory of you has haunted him for the past 6 years, on the battlefield, in the barracks, he would only see you, only hear you but he couldn’t touch you; for you were merely a dream mixing with reality.

But here you are standing in front of him, Your expensive dress torn up, now rags that wrapped around you with the bottom half missing. He smiles as nostalgia washes over him, was this real or were you just a fragmented memory. Was he simply remembering happier times, a time where you were in his grasp. “Jisung” you call out, voice soft and unsure, a hand reaching out for his own, to make sure what you saw in front of you wasn’t a hallucination, a cruel trick your mind played on you. Slowly a warmth overtook your hand, sparks sent through your skin and into your bloodstream and the beating of your heart returned. Tears formed but never fell because one of you needs to be strong, Jisung sobbed as he fell into your embrace, gripping onto you. “Never leave again” he chokes out, breathing heavy and uneven. “Promise me” he whispers into your hair.

Pulling him back to face you, his eyes are red and puffy yet they burn with passion, his cheeks stained with tears but the pink dust is always still there, you smile at him closing the gap and finally placing your lips on his. The taste of salty tears invade your mouth and your lips move against his and he kisses you back, placing his hand on your cheek he pulls you closer, thumb brushing over the top of your cheekbone. Your knees weaken and you grip at his shirt, desperately clinging to him as your knuckles turn white, as he kisses you with passion overflowing with each soft movement, sincere and full of the love he can't express through words. The scent of lavender is overwhelming and intoxicating, you press yourself against him. Your lungs burn as he kisses you breathless, sparks flying into your bloodstream and unbearable heat takes over whilst your lips move as one. Pulling away, chests heaving as you pull in as you regain all the oxygen you exchange, Jisung places his forehead on yours, his cheeks pink and in between breaths you whisper against his lips “I promise” and again he pulls you in, lips crashing on yours.

This is your first love, it may not be your last but it will be the one you remember most, for it taught you how to love, it taught you the struggles of love and it taught you to feel loved. In search of fulfillment and meaning, you weren't looking for love but it found you and soon after fulfillment and meaning came in the form of a boy in a lavender field.

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