#honestly my tags take longer to write than the answer/post itself

[padfootastic]

wolfstar is an absolute cringefest. they r so bland together and have zero chemistry. james always seemed straight to me and sirius as aroace. but if they were to be in a relationship with guys, i can’t see them choosing anyone but each other. these guys had the spark , the chemistry even as friends.

heh, i always thought i only had issues w fanon r/s but i’ve realised, and come to accept about myself, that i just hate remus in general lol. i think sirius is absolutely wasted on him and i just—can’t see anything between them. (i totally see why people have to create an OC named remus lupin just to make their ship work) that being said,,,,recently? lowkey getting into a lil toxic, power imbalance type r/s where remus is at sirius’ mercy and it’s not sympathetic to him at all.

re james: heh. it’s funny bc i see him as pretty heterosexual, not just in his choice of partners but overall…vibe as well,ykwim? i cannot see him w any other guy except sirius tbh, like it just feels wrong.

[zucest-week]

Hello motherfuckers, it's time to Zucest.

As many of you know, last year, I, along with a group consisting of myself, me, Kate and @ilikepjo24, organized the first ever Zucest Week. The event was a huge success, a very enjoyable process for me, and everyone else who participated. So naturally, it will be done again.

I have already started working on some background projects and planning that are related to the event, like scheduling the dates, that I will share with you right now.

Last year, I got an anonymous complain, saying that the prompts were announced too close to the date of the Week itself. So this year, I decided to switch it up a bit. The Week will still happen on the same dates as last year, but the process of collecting prompts and voting for the winners will happen earlier that year, to ensure that there will be enough time.

So, with that being said, the Google Sheet where everyone will be able to write down their ideas will be shared with the public at the 28th of February. It will be editable by for a week and a day. Normally, it's supposed to be only a week, but this year is a leap year, which means you'll have an extra day to add your suggestions.

After the predecided deadline, the spreadsheet will no longer be editable, but it will remain online and accessable to however wishes to go over the prompts once again.

Once the prompts have been collected, I will seperate all of them to five categories, depending on their energy. Those categories will be:

Smutty/Kinky Suggestions

Fluffy Suggestions

Humorous Suggestions

Sad/Angsty Suggestions

And there will be a fifth category titled Free-For-All. The suggestions that go there are the prompt that fall into two or more of the other categories. Once the prompts are seperated, I'll create a voting poll for each of the categories and I'll share all the polls with you so that you can select the suggestions you prefer. That will happen in the 7th of March and this process will last one week.

After the voting process is over, I'll collect the seven most voted prompts from each poll and arrange them in each of the seven days of the Week. That way, each day sill have five suggestions, one from each of the five categories, and you pick what you'd like to write for that day. When each of the prompts you have chosen has been arranged to each respective day, I will announce the winner prompts. That announcement will take place in the 14th of March.

The Week itself starts at the 14th of June and ends at the 20th of the same month. So from the moment the prompts will be announced, we will each have 3 months exactly to write/draw their works based on the prompts.

All forms of art are appreciated and welcome. You can write a story or a poem, draw a picture or a comic, you could even compose a song if you wish to do show, or make a post with a headcannon inspired from the suggestions of the day. You might want to do a different project for each day and that's more than okay as well! All I wish for is that, if you use your platform/account on Tumblr to spread your art, tag it as #zucestweek and/or #zucestweek2024 so that it'll be easier to find.

Soon, I'll make another post regarding other Zucest related events that will take place at the same period of time, so stay tuned.

As always, if anyone had any question/idea/suggestion/concern, please feel free to contact mez anonymously or not, any moment of any day, through an ask, a reblog, a comment, or a private message in this account, or in my other account @ilikepjo24, although I would prefer if you contacted this account, so other people that might have something similar to say could also get their answer by following this account here.

And as I mentioned before, I organize this event by myself *side eyes Zucest loving friends that do nothing* so I'd appreciate it if no anti tried to burden me with any hate, cause I honestly don't have time for that.

That is all, have a nice day, wherever you are!

[cheshire-castle-library]

November 28, 2023 | A Darker Shade of Magic - 001

I decided to do this anyway, and maybe its cringe or annoying, but I'm still excited about this book even a few exhausting Uni days later. I'm also hoping to like.... prevent myself from falling off of reading by giving myself some interaction to do with it?? This is very much going to be a Spoiler-filled series of posts (assuming I keep up with this), so please be warned. I'm probably going to use Keep Reading cuts and tags so I'm not super annoying with this.

I made it through the first true chapter, and I'm honestly really excited I picked up this book. I recognized the author's name from Bookblr posts about Viscious, but I have that in audiobook form and I already knew I was going to be spending too much at the Barns and Noble that night, so I didn't pick it up. Instead I was really drawn in by the blurb on A Darker Shade of Magic, so I took the chance on it and it proceeded to sit, egging me on, in the corner of my consciousness for the next few days. I'd even started reading something else I bought that day! But something about the vaguely Vash the Stampede figure on the front (and His association with the last book I got brainworms reading) and the idea of a setting of not only one period London, but many, and I could no longer hold myself back. Its Finals, what's better than starting a new obsession? ...

Something odd that I didn't really notice until I got to the page with the big roman numeral 2 on it is that the chapters are broken into sub-chapters like some light novels I've read; I've never seen that in a western novel before, but I also maybe don't read a lot of non-textbooks these days so who knows if that's more common than I imagine. But structurally, it makes the transitions of scenes nice and clean, so its maybe something I'd like to play with in my own writing. I've been really enjoying how Schwab doesn't explain every little detail, but still gives us enough of whats important. The way Kell uses his magic, the way Kell takes care of his appearance, the colour and act of drawing blood - but not so much the transitionary actions when they aren't characterizing or important. When he was leaving the bridge, in 1-3 for instance, we got Kell's little flex of wrist to still the stream and make it reflective, and Schwab spent the time to explain relaxing the wrist when voices carried from other parts of the park; but we didn't get a, "and Kell stood, before walking off the bridge". Instead it was just a "Kell continued on his way". It honestly answers some questions I've had with my own writing, that I've been brunting up against with my NaNo novel this month. How much do I need to explain for the audience to see the motions? I think my difficulty with imagined pictures makes me assume you need a lot more detail to conjure up a scene than is really necessary. I'm also thoroughly enjoying Kell's character. There's a certain stylishness that's innate with the coat of many coats, that honestly resonates with me via my favorite tabletop OC I play. Also a kind of snarky, cocky, stylish, magic-user; I'd like to imagine what chaos Ashton and Kell might get up to if left in a room together. Though the discussions of the rules of Magic would be very interesting, because the Blood of Heroes Sorcery power is much more the Halloween Town "Want something and then let yourself have it", while the magic system of the Many London's seems more structured so far. Though there's this hint in Kell's relationship to magic, that it might not be so different. Something that's interesting to me about it is that the "elemental magics" are less will and word and more just the will part; but the magic described as "true magic" has a language associated. Something feels logically backwards to me about that - implying that the "elements" (which includes Bones) are less natural than the true magic. But then again, the True Magic is life itself, so maybe it makes sense that life is the underlying true magic. But why is the true magic tied to something of human construction - language - while the others are controlled in a more intuitive way?

I'm really excited to learn more!

[fancifulflora]

F.A.Q

What exactly is this blog?

I have a lot of niche interests and am a part of a lot of “fandoms” I suppose, so I wanted an outlet to feel productive and make content again. It’s been a long time since I’ve been back on tumblr and even longer since I’ve written anything so I’m hoping I won’t get discourged or burnt out this time.

How do you write?

Normally I opt for third person in order to get as much information and perspectives in at once, but I can also write in second person with more ‘you’s in there if requested. Honestly I shift between the two a little too often lol. Headcanons for the most part will feature a lot more you’s than drabbles by default though. I try to keep things gender neutral unless specified so if you want a M or F reader be sure to include it! Unless specified, my ‘nsfw’ pieces will be vague and fade-to-black on top of that.

When are requests open?

Requests are pretty much open 24/7, but whether I answer the asks or not is dependant on a myriad of factors. (How many requests there are, mood, energy level, the ask, ect.)

What fandoms do you write for?

Too many. I’ll have a list of them linked here for people to go through. Everything should be organized by the particular fandom and then if there are characters underneath that would mean I can only write for that particular group of characters. In bigger IPs, I narrow it down to continuities that I’m familar with.

How do you answer requests?

It depends on what is being requested. For example, if someone wants headcanons I will type up everything in a bullet format with small pieces of dialogue if I’m feeling spicy. If someone wants a drabble then I’ll type up a couple paragraphs- maybe more if I’m feeling especially creative. I won’t really make fics of any kind since writing long form content isn’t specialty. There’s also no set order I’ll answer things in so it could take a long while for your request to be answered. 

On top of that, I’ll also answer most things people ask me about myself. Whether it’s my own analysis of a character, writing tips, general opinions. So long as I don’t find the questions controversial or invasive in nature I don’t mind.

What don’t you write?

I won’t go anywhere near pedophilia, incest, snuff, scat/piss, beastiality. Honestly, anything illegal or kinks that gross me out are a no-go. I also don’t do OC x Canon, but I do have my own OCs that I may or may not introduce in the future. If one of my friends have an OC I especially like, then I’ll probably write for them too. Idk, it’s up to my mood.

Since this is just a hobby for me, I’ll just be doing requests that pique my interest anyway.

Do you do AUs?

Sure, if the au is straightforward enough or is already well established within the fandom itself I have no problem with doing AUs. Certain AUs may require more research or thought than others but it’s not off the table.

Can you tag your posts with __?

Sure, if you need a particular tw or genre/topic (?) tagged then I’ll do my best to accomodate. If the blog ever gets to a certain size it may be difficult for me to go back to all my posts, but I’ll do my best. If you ever see a post of mine that hasn’t been tagged please let me know- old or new. Just please be patient if I don’t get to it immediately.

PSA

This is less of a question I get and more of a small list of things I want to make clear. This is a blog for 18+ adults. All minors will be blocked. Everything I write is based upon my interpretation of the character. I do my best to study their words, actions, and any canon piece of information I can get my hands on. If the resulting works do not line up with your own interpretation or vision of the character then I simply ask you to read someone else’s writing.

[thefanficmonster]

Let Them Talk

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female) ft. Sykkuno

Warnings: Swearing, Jealousy

Genre: Fluff, a bit of Angst

Summary: We can all agree Among Us is a fun game on its own but what makes it ten times better is playing it with the right company. Y/N could agree 100% Being a streamer herself, she loves playing with the streamer gang that includes her boyfriend and best friend. But, what happens when her boyfriend starts doubting her feelings for him due to her close relationship with her best friend.

Requested by @cheetoscat . Thank you so much for your request! Sorry it took so long to write, I hope the final product is worth the wait. Enjoy! Love, Vy ❤

Y/AU/N - Your Among Us Name

I settle in my gaming chair, adjusting my webcam one last time before joining the Among Us lobby with my friends. 

“Hi everyone!“ I say into the mic, a smile plastering itself on my face. Discord is a magical thing, man. It’s so easy to forget that the people you are talking to aren’t around you or within arm’s reach. You could be separated by miles and miles of land or - in our case - oceans as well. Distance becomes negligible when you hear your friends’ voices, their laughter; when you have a good time together despite being each behind a screen, often times alone.

Well, I’m one of those lucky ones that isn’t alone. No one knows that, though. Everyone thinks I’m a single, self-employed girl that’s straight out of college. And they are 90% right. Only thing is - I’m not single. That would be a shocker in and of itself, but revealing who’s changed my relationship status would be a bomb with a whole new intensity.

Speaking of my significant other who shall remain unnamed - just kidding, it’s Corpse - his form materializes in the doorway of my recording room. I give him a hand signal the camera isn’t able to capture, alerting him of the fact that my mic is on. He replies by blowing me a kiss and walking off down the hall to his recording room where he’ll be stationed for the next three or so hours.

I owe this relationship to my best friend Sykkuno. I’m a pretty new and not very well known on the platform, however, thanks to him I haven’t only obtained a boyfriend, but a following of a little over million subscribers as well. 

It all started with an invitation to fill a spot in the Among Us lobby him and his friends had created. It took him quite a bit to convince me to join, but I eventually caved and agreed. Suddenly, there I was. In a Discord call, in an Among Us lobby with some of the most well-known names on this platform. I’m talking YouTube legends. I was that puppy playing with the big dogs. The newbie tagging along with the big leagues. Or at least that’s how I felt until we all started vibing - talking and teasing each other as though we’ve known each other for years and not minutes.

When I joined the call, Corpse wasn’t present. After everyone else introduced themselves, Sykkuno informed me that we were waiting for Corpse to return. The name sounded really cool to me and I was genuinely very excited to meet this Corpse guy.

And then, out of the blue - no prep, no warning...

“Did you get someone to fill the spot? Oh- Hello, Y/AU/N.“ 

…he started talking and he had me star-struck. Apparently, he also had me a blabbering mess cause I remember blurting out: “Whoa, who’s this guy speaking in bold and underlined at the same time?”

The entire lobby, including Corpse, laughed. Sean, or Jack like they called him most often, answered my question, “That is the voice of God, Y/N. Its source is named Corpse, though.”

Heat spread from the bottom of my neck to the tips of my ears. I was mortified by my own stupidity. I was well aware they couldn’t see me and I was incredibly thankful for that, but I simply could not get myself to open my eyes. “I’m so sorry.” I said through nervous laughter.

“No, no, I like that description. Bold and underlined at the same time, huh?“ His voice sounded even more pleasant when it had that teasing, mischievous note to it. That thought popping up in my head only made things worse for my self-esteem and only made me more embarrassed, causing me to hide my face in my hands. “You sure it’s not in Italics as well?“ 

His question got a weak laugh out of me. “Nope, definitely not. Nothing Italic about it.“

Yes, I don’t even know how some terrible jokes about MS Word fonts got me as far as a romantic relationship, but they did! We’ve been living together for quite some time now, dating for even longer - hiding it just as long. It’s not that we have been actively trying to hide it or something, we just wanted to see how long it would take someone to become sus of us. When we realized no one would notice, we decided that if any rumors about us started, or even fans shipping us, we’d come clean. That hasn’t happened either, so we haven’t had the proper chance to address our relationship and neither of us minds.

At this point, I’m honestly afraid of revealing it to the gaming squad. Sykkuno especially. He’s my best friend, after all. I can see him being hurt by the fact that I kept a secret so big even from him. The last thing I wanna do is hurt my best friend but it’s already too late for that, it’s inevitable.

“Y/N have you looked at Twitter today?“ Rae, another streamer I’ve become close with over the months, says urgently.

Overlooking the tension in her words, I answer: “Nope, haven’t had the time. Why? What’s up?“

Before Rae can say anything else, Sykkuno joins the conversation, his voice somehow even more urgent than Rae’s. “It’s nothing, Y/N. If you see it, just don’t let it bother you, ok?”

Hearing such a tone from Rae isn’t unusual, but hearing it from Sykkuno is completely different and a lot more worrisome. “Well if it has the potential of bothering me it can’t be nothing. What’s going on?”

Just then, my phone dings with two notifications. I check to see they are messages from Rae.

“I sent you screenshots. Sorry, Sykkuno. She has to know in order to address it and defuse it as well. I know better than anyone how fast these rumors can spread, especially if no one reacts to them.“ She says, her tone barely apologetic at all.

I open the screenshots she has sent me and I find myself frozen in shock. Some old pictures of Sykkuno and I have been posted on Twitter by some random user. These pictures have started an entire thread of suspicions surrounding our relationship.

The pictures in question are from a New Year’s Eve party a mutual friend of ours held two years ago. Sure, in the pictures we are a lot closer than what would be considered a platonic proximity. And yes one of the pictures is of me kissing his cheek. Yes we were both a bit tipsy. I acknowledge all those things and yet none of them are concrete reasons for these rumors to have started piling. 

“This is silly.“ I finally say after maybe five minutes of silence on my end. ”This is absolutely ridiculous! And why are people so serious about it as well? Actual, important matters get discussed more nonchalantly than the potential relationship between two online personalities! What is this world we live in?“ I know I shouldn’t let these rumors get to me like this, especially not on camera. Still, I can’t help it. I feel it’s so unfair to Corpse. He has to put up with this as well and it’s by no means easy for him. I’ve been shipped with people from our group in the past and he always took those rumors to heart despite acting like he didn’t care. Neither of us should get worked up, but him getting upset about them creates a domino effect with my emotions - causing me to be hit just as hard as him, in some cases harder.

Rumors of the past aside, this one is the worst by far. Mostly cause even Corpse himself suspected something between Sykkuno and I at the very beginning, when we were still acquaintances, barely crossing into the realm of friends.

I pull up Twitter to look for the whole thread, barely sparing my stream chat a glance in the process. It seems pretty split - those who agree with me and those who think Sykkuno and I make ‘such an adorable couple’. The thread is ridiculously long, and if we take into account that it was only started approximately five hours ago, you can either view it as impressive, amusing or sad. Why sad? Because someone has dedicated so much time and effort into fueling the fire of a weakly supported theory.

I love Sykkuno with all my heart. Everyone knows that - fandom, streamer squad, Corpse and Sykkuno included. I love too much and too platonically to ever even dream of having a romantic connection with him. I thought that was more than obvious, but people are either blind here, or just grasping at straws. One thing’s for certain - they’re stepping on a nerve.

“Hey where’s Corpse? Did he disconnect?” Felix asks, gaining my full attention. My eyes dart to the monitor, searching through the little avatars in a desperate search for the one of my boyfriend. It’s nowhere to be found.

“He just messaged me saying his connection is unstable but he might join us later.“ Rae says, “You guys can invite someone to fill...“

“Bathroom break.“ I interrupt, not waiting for a response before shutting my mic off, putting the ‘BRB‘ graphic on my stream and yanking the headset off. I basically run down the hall to Corpse’s recording room, my heart pounding like a bass drum.

“Corpse?!“ I call out to him, one hand already on the doorknob. When five seconds pass by without a response, I barge in. 

Inside, I find his usual spot on the gaming chair empty and his slumped figure seated on his bed.

“Corpse?“ I try again, watching for even the tiniest change of body language. He remains still as a statue, not bothering to look up at me either. 

His hands are gripping the edge of the mattress, his head hanging low. His eyes are covered by the short curtain of his dark messy curls. I can’t gauge much. Is he angry? Is he sad? Both? How should I approach the situation?

Before I find the answer to any of those questions, I am kneeling in front of him, our height difference eliminated. I gently pry his hands off the mattress and take them in mine, holding them firmly but tenderly. With one hand I reach up to tilt his head so his eyes can meet mine. He complies, his tear-filled brown orbs meeting mine. Those tears have the same effect on me as fifty sharp knives stabbing into my chest. These tears focus their attack straight on my heart, tearing it to pieces.

“Baby....“

He cuts me off, “Why is it always someone else, huh? Do they deem me not worthy of being with you? Do they think you deserve better?” His voice wavers, “Well, they might be right. They are correct and there’s little I can do to prove them wrong. They mean you well, Y/N - pairing you with guys better than me. Those are some loyal fans you’ve got. They only want what’s best for you. And so do I. If ‘best’ is being with someone else then...”

It’s my turn to cut him off. I put an end to his nonsense ramble that’s slowly killing me by pressing my finger against his lips. The sternness of my gaze is beyond me as I get up and walk over to his computer setup. I put on his headset and hop into the call as well as the lobby with his avatar.

“Hey Corpse’s back!” Toast says, “Good to have you back buddy.”

“No, not Corpse.” I say in a casual, nonchalant voice.

“Wait, wha-“ Sean’s voice shows just how confused he is, representing the confusion of the entire lobby actually.

“I know all of you are streaming so this message will be heard by several different audiences so I’m gonna make myself perfectly clear.“ I take a deep breath, “Sykkuno and I aren’t dating. He’s a lovely guy and he deserves to find a girl who will treat him right. That girl isn’t and won’t be me though. I am already treating someone right. Someone who treats me more than right as well. An amazing person. A man-child with a heart of gold. You know him, to a certain extent. He goes by the name of Corpse Husband, but I prefer to call him ‘Love of my life’. Thank you for your time and attention, goodbye.“

I exit the call and turn around to find a stunned Copse looking at me.

“That was meant for you just as much.“ I say with a fake strict attitude, one hand on my hip the other rested on his desk behind me, “Were you listening?“

Within milliseconds, he’s on his feet standing directly in front of me, his lips inches away from mine. “I heard and memorized every word. But...” he pauses for a moment, “I think you have no idea how big of a chaos you just created.”

I smile mischievously, “We’ll worry about that later. For now...” I close the gap between us, connecting our lips in a sweet and passionate kiss. 

@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams  @the-fuck-up-of-today  @slashersdream  @chiefwombathoagiepizza  @solowheein @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01

[theminecraftbee]

i am on my knees and holding your hands in my own shaking ones and im trying to kiss ur knuckles but i cant see shit through the tears. im so happy. im so so happy im gonna be freaking out for literally months. you dont Know how happy i am theres literally no way to describe this happiness god. god. good god god god i love you i love your work. your thoughts. black box has my whole heart you don't get it im gonna cry. fuck

also i would love to know why its never getting finished if u dont mind talking abt it. which u dont cause u alluded to asking abt it in the tags but yk.

augdhsgdjdhr

i am so glad you are happy. honestly a bit worth it to post the scary unfinished thing to post for the fact that a few people are happy about it (and getting to hear a few friends ramble at me about it one last time, hahaha.)

as for why i won't finish it... the easy answer is "sometimes i just stall out on writing/doing something and often when that happens i cannot get the machine to start again". however there are also several like... concrete reasons. reasons i'm going to put under the cut with a warning of "there are a few fandom salt-y things that are happening here so if you don't want to see that, look away".

so the easiest to identify reason this won't be long? yeah it'd have to be WAY longer than black box. you saw how glacial the early pacing is, and there was still a lot i needed to get through. the length started getting daunting and like... that chilled me a bit on writing it, especially as i started getting distracted by other things.

the next reason is... hm. i don't know if i like how it plays next to the actual prison arc. something something, i played it dead straight and dark in ways that the actual prison arc did not... which is wild, given that the prison arc is one of the darkest arcs of the dsmp. but you know, somehow i did. and i knew i was doing it when i wrote it! i knew it would be way darker than the dsmp itself would actually play! but at the same time, the combination of "i am taking this really seriously" and "but the character who was actually in the prison is the villain of this fic" makes it all play... weirdly. it's weird. i have mixed emotions.

i have mixed emotions about some of my writing too that i won't get into just know "i like parts a lot i don't like parts a lot". i will say that i am still the only person who can write techno's chat even reading this now,

but also... honestly? the tommy stuff.

so i like c!tommy. i also like c!techno. i am aware black box is mostly popular with techno enjoyers. i know tommy is not currently well-liked by a lot of techno enjoyers. i know i couldn't write some of techno and tommy's relationship here - ESPECIALLY the argument they have when tommy leaves, in which both of them are meant to be wrong to some extent - without having a few people yell at me for it. and like... maybe no one would have yelled at me. lord knows that my fears of people yelling at me for daring to put character death in stuffed bird have not come to pass. but at the same time... the way the fandom acts around tommy and techno is exhausting.

and the only way to rectify that would have been to gut something kinda core to what i was writing, which is to say, that everyone's messy, fucked-up relationships as a result of what had happened were core and tommy and techno's was one of them. and that their relationship is messy. and neither of them are wrong, they're just messy, a thing that i don't trust people to like, get. so that... soured me on writing it, a little bit.

(god i wish c!techno wasn't the single biggest lynchpin of controversy on the dsmp. god i wish that my funny little blorbo was someone i could talk about in this fandom without it becoming a lightningrod of. whatever the hell techno discourse has become at this point. alas. ...you may be getting a sense for why i'm not super interested in the dsmp anymore, alongside the fact that i flat out do not believe them when they say they're going to do things anymore.)

uh, other than that, some of the other ones include "i disagree with what wilbur did with ghostbur and was going to just ignore that and am still just going to ignore that into the future, but that was important", "sbi in general is sure a thing", "i have some mixed emotions about the fact that parts of the ending of this universe arguably end up better than the dsmp does given the catalyst for it", and "canon after i started writing suggests ranboo should be somewhere but hell if i know where".

anyway that's all probably STILL secondary to "this thing would probably need at least another 30k words and that's probably what ultimately stalled me out in the end, glacial pacing and the needed length". but as you can see, there are also... other things.

ultimately i did end up taking your anon suggestion, i think sharing what i had was a good idea and i'm glad people liked it (and seem to like what i was planning on doing with it), even if i can't really bring myself to finish writing it anymore! so that's good.

(finally, disclaimer: please don't use this to bounce off and ask me any dsmp discourse-y questions, because i just won't answer them on this blog. lol. i just figured i could give this answer and explain a bit of where my dsmp stuff went.)

[kitkatopinions]

The sad thing is that Blake's most healthiest option romance wise is someone who gives her space and willing to let her go. Sun fits this description perfectly. But they went with a codependent toxic relationship partially held together by guilt in which one side is clearly submissive and the other too worried and insecure.

Yeah, tbh, the send off to Sun at the start of volume six made me think they would pick up the relationship where it left off eventually for a couple different reasons, but one of them was this reason.

I want to preface this post by saying that A. I don’t really like Bumblebee and I don’t need a reason to dislike it even though I have reason to dislike it, B. I’ve shipped BlackSun from Sun’s first introduction, and C. also I’m coming at this as someone who has been in a co-dependent relationship, so all three of those things means I’m naturally a little biased. I’m not pretending this is all a super objective, impersonal interpretation. This is just me talking honestly about my thoughts towards a ship I don’t like. Bees, I’m sorry if this shows up in your tags, Tumblr is being screwy and I’m not trying to rain on anyone else’s posts. I’m using filterables and putting this under a keep reading to try and make it easier for Bumblebee fans to not see this.

I had - when I saw season six’s opening ep - given the show mad props for writing a romance driven relationship where the partners didn’t have to stay together all the time to still care about each other and be secure. It felt like the perfect move to me to get some distance between their characters while firmly establishing that Sun had never done the things he’d done ‘to win the girl,’ and didn’t consider himself ‘letting Blake go.’ Sun not only being willing to spend this time away from Blake, but to not even need it really said, and to have his own stuff he needed to do as well... All of that felt like a healthy, independent relationship. I don’t mean to get personal on main, but I’ve been in a relationship where I felt partially responsible for my partner’s happiness and he tried to do things like keep me from my friends or guilt me into things. I ignored the red flags because our relationship was important to me, but it made me feel pretty unhappy because I was always worried that if I didn’t do the things he wanted, he would get upset and over-react, and put himself down until I built him back up, and if we didn’t spend the majority of our time together, he would start talking about feeling like I didn’t really care that much about him and how lonely he felt. This was really exhausting to me, especially since I’m an introvert.

Sun always seemed like such a good partner for Blake because he was always so self-possessed, so confident in who he was already, independent and happy and accepting of Blake’s independence. Sun was always there for Blake, but he also was the one usually pushing her towards interacting with others too, they were able to go do separate things and even go on completely different missions with confidence and without drama. For a character who had previously been in a destructive, possessive, controlling, abusive relationship, it had seemed like a scene that clearly established Blake and Sun’s relationship as one where Sun wasn’t expecting Blake to stay with him all the time, respected her goals and her independence, and had his own life and his own friends too. I had kind of just assumed that the choice to have Sun leave the group and go to Vacuo was to further their relationship. Upon rewatching the scene later now that I know that the writers were already starting to try to implement Bumbleby, I can see how the show writers might’ve been intending that scene to be an amiable goodbye where Sun confirms to Neptune that they aren’t actually an item with his ‘it was never about that.’ But I just have to shake my head, because I was giving the writers credit for something they didn’t do.

Instead, they were trying to tie off the relationship between Sun and Blake by having him leave, not cementing Blake’s independence and Sun’s encouragement of that (and they tied it off badly imo because Blake freakin’ kissed the boy lol.) And once they had Sun leave, they started setting Blake up with Yang. I want to clarify that there’s nothing wrong with the writers deciding to go with Blake x Yang, and the ship itself was not a totally baseless one. I’m personally disappointed that one of my favorite RWBY ships isn’t going to be endgame, and I personally don’t like the idea of Blake and Yang as a couple. But my problem isn’t really with the ship itself, it’s with how the show writers have chosen to write the ship in execution.

Getting past the queerbaitery nature of Bumblebee as a ship, the choices surrounding Blake and Yang seem faulty on both sides (which I also think is important to remember. I’ve seen loads of people recognizing that Bumblebee as written in the show is destructive to Blake, but I’ve seen much fewer people talk about how it’s not the best for Yang too.)

Let’s start from the fact that Blake is an abuse victim. She was previously in a relationship with Adam and talks about his destructive and violent behavior. Blake has a really hard time trusting people because of how Adam had acted. He was explosive, manipulative, and he got angry at and hurt Blake specifically for leaving him. The last thing Blake would need is a relationship where she feels personally responsible for the stability of another person. The last thing she needs is to be pressured into staying with someone. The last thing she needs is to be expected to be with that person without the option of ever working with others. The last thing she needs is to be in a relationship where she can’t be apart from someone even temporarily without that person getting anxious and insecure or without having to feel guilty and like she did something wrong.

And yet the show has her in a relationship with someone that has abandonment issues. The show has her promise to stay with Yang in a moment of huge trauma, Blake crying out a desperate denial to the accusations of the abusive ex who had made her life hell, after he tried to again separate her from anyone she loved and she was forced to kill someone she had once deeply cared about. It was also a really weird choice of the writers to have the characters respond to a question over if they’d ever thought about working with other partners with dismissive and cold behavior as if the very idea was somehow wrong (especially since Yang spent quite a bit of time pre-volume six working with Weiss and Blake spent so much of her time working with Sun.) And the writers chose to frame Blake and Yang leaving on temporary separate missions in volume eight to result in insecurity and anxiety from Yang and guilt for Blake. On top of that, Yang is a person with a strong temper and aggressive tendencies. Although she seemed to be trying to work through those problems in seasons four and five, Yang backslid and seems just as controlled by her anger and her insecurities as her volume 2 self now, who had lashed out at Blake and angrily pushed her for not listening in ‘burning the candle.’

As for Yang, she lost her mom when she was very young (Ruby was a toddler,) and her dad temporarily shut down after that. She soon found out her biological mom had left her when she was a baby and spent her whole life wondering why while her uncle spent that time flitting in and out of her life and taking on dangerous missions - the same types of missions that had killed the woman who had raised Yang for the first part of her life. Yang has deep seeded fears of being abandoned and losing her loved ones, and she also has a history of trying to take care of and support the people around her even at her own personal expense. While Yang’s more selfless moments in season five - like giving up her dream of getting answers from Raven to follow and protect Ruby even when she clearly wasn’t wholly healed from her trauma - are admirable, what Yang absolutely doesn’t need in a partner is someone who she feels like she has to protect and save and sacrifice for. What Yang absolutely doesn’t need in a partner is someone she feels like she can’t rely on to be there for her. What she doesn’t need in a partner is someone who can’t give her stability or struggles to trust her. What she doesn’t need in a partner is someone who won’t call her out when she goes a little too far. And yet the writers chose to put Yang with someone who runs on the regular, the only member of their team who thought Yang might be lying about Mercury, someone who needs time and distance when Yang clearly needs someone who is consistent and present. And then the writers made it so that Yang and Blake spend very little time with anyone else. The writers made it so that they can’t be apart without guilt and anxieties.

And you guys, Blake in seasons 6-8 feels so needy. She’s consistently in need of saving, consistently doesn’t stand for herself, seems like she needs a lot of reassurance in her relationship, she’s consistently waiting for other people to make moves, etc. Even when Blake convinces Yang to divulge top secret information to Robyn, when Ironwood confronts them about it, Blake backs up and leaves Yang to explain their actions. In the early seasons, it feels like Yang cares more about their friendship than Blake does and that she’s putting in more effort, which don’t get me wrong, makes total sense since Blake had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and Yang’s clear anger problems (and her using a laser pointer to try and force Blake to talk to her,) might’ve made Blake hesitant to get close to or open up to Yang. But while it no longer feels like Yang cares more, it still feels like Yang puts in more work. Yang is constantly reassuring, protecting, comforting, and stepping up for Blake, while Blake is so passive and acts so dependent that I personally can’t help but feel like Yang must be exhausted. Yang needs stability and reassurance too, Yang needs a partner she can talk to and rely on to be there. When the writers did write Blake as trying to comfort and take care of Yang, it was way too much and had undertones of ableism. And I know, I know they had this ‘we’re taking care of each other’ moment when they were fighting Adam, but that’s just what we were told for one scene, and not what we’ve actually seen in their relationship.

The worst thing is that it didn’t need to be that way. Bumbleby could’ve been a really good ship that built on their foundation. Blake used to be an independent, brave, strong, active character. Blake stood up for herself to Weiss, told Ozpin to his face that he needed to do more for the Faunus, used to have a great, creative fighting style, used to be this sassy girl who’d banter with Sun and with Yang and when she did start opening up to Yang, it was a great way to start evolving their characters to be a strong relationship. In V3 when Blake admitted that she had doubts about Yang due to her past experiences with Adam, but opened herself up and decided to trust Yang anyway when Yang looked her in the eyes and told her sincerely exactly what had happened... That was so great and it really showed off the dynamic the two of them were starting to adapt. CRWBY might’ve immediately separated the two, but A. Seasons four and most of season five had great set up for them to work through their problems and then continue to grow that great dynamic we started seeing in the first three seasons. And B. their respective arcs continued their growth as characters even apart from each other. While I wish that RWBY had let the two work some of this out together, the growth that we were getting did make them more suited for each other. I’ll always ship BlackSun. But Yang getting a hold on her emotions, maturing, starting to work through her abandonment issues, and displaying just what a caring, honest person she was, at the same time that Blake was working through her past and her fears, learning to let people in, strengthening her resolve, and coming into her own as a leader... Come on, those two characters could’ve easily developed a good, healthy, strong, independent relationship and I’m legitimately sad that’s not what we got, especially since we sacrificed so much of Blake’s personality to get a worse ship.

I don’t even know what to say about it, tbh. Idk what else the writers expected us to think with how they wrote things. I’ve heard before that there was probably a cut scene in volume eight that included Yang and Blake fighting (which would then justify Yang and Blake’s reactions when they reunited,) and I do believe that, but the writers chose not to include it, and that made them look worse as a couple. Just like they chose not to include a scene where Blake and Yang work through the problem of Blake having left Yang without a word of explanation at the end of Volume 3. And they didn’t include a scene where Blake explains herself and Yang realizes that maybe she was being a little shortsighted about the trauma Blake had also gone through. And they didn’t include a scene where Blake actually learned that she didn’t have to protect or take care of Yang in volume six. And they haven’t included a scene where Blake puts just as much effort into their relationship as Yang does. And they didn’t include a scene where the two make it clear that they’re fine being apart. If anything, CRWBY has established the opposite, and it isn’t enough to just say that they’re taking care of each other, when they don’t show that to be the case. 

Sun being not only willing to let Blake be with others, go her own way, and be her own person, but encouraging of that, made him a very compelling romantic prospect for her. Unfortunately I just don’t see that with Blake and Yang. Their relationship feels co-dependent, and maybe it’s just my personal experience talking and making me chafe, but I personally just don’t like it.

However, fans have been queerbaited long enough. So personal opinions aside, CRWBY give Bumblebee some confirmation you fucking cowards.

[dragynkeep]

Hi there, ironpines! (Love the name btw, I read a really good fic about ironwood being a father-figure to Oscar when RWBY and co. get to Atlas).

So this is probably going to be very long but I’ve really gotta vent about some stuff.

(Also, first ask. I honestly didn’t know how to do this for the longest time. Just got back into tumblr a bit ago).

1. I hate Jaune Arc (a lot of people do), but I want to know why. Do you think/believe he’s an author’s pet? Also, why the HELL did he kill Penny in the first place?!? Why not Winter, Nora, or Ruby? Why did he have to go to the island? Just- WHY?

2. In the first three volumes I really liked Team RWBY, but now….how did they get so skewed? What went wrong? How can Ruby be THAT arrogant that she point-blank says to Qrow: “we never needed an adult’s help.” Like- yes you did! If not for Qrow killing the Grimm in v4 they would have been continuously fighting Grimm. I’m the fight against Tyrian (one of my favorite characters and favorite fights) if not for Ruby getting in the way Qrow wouldn’t have been POISONED!

3. (This is the one I’m going to get cyber-ly killed for). (I also had just started RWBY when volume 5 was airing weekly.) The beginning of Volume 5, in my opinion was good. I liked the first five-six chapters, but when AU watched ‘Rest and Resolutions’ V5C7, I was so angry! Everything about the conversation between Ruby, Weiss, and Yang felt so out of character and out of place. It was so bad and the next episodes following that were not good either (only the raven v cinder fight was any good). The battle of Haven was a train wreck that I honestly have no idea how I even retained braincells after that. Like- why KEEP teasing Weiss v emerald if you aren’t going to do anything with it. Why tease Mercury v Yang if you’re not going to do anything new and interesting with the two (Mercury isn’t even a character anymore!)

4. I wish we got good rep. I really wish we didn’t get confirmation on LGBTQ+ characters from supplemental material (that’s not even canon). And I’ve gotta ask, why do you consider cannon? Cuz for me, the only things I consider actually CANNON to the storyline are the Red, White, Black, Yellow Trailers and the show itself (Grimm Eclipse just for the sake of more cool lore about Mountain Glenn and the fact of mutant Grimm). That’s it. I don’t consider the World of Remnants, manga (DC or otherwise, those were HORRIBLE!), anthologies, and the DISGUSTING novels.

(This is the last thing, I promise!)

5. I’m working on a quasi-rewrite RWBY fic and I didn’t know whether or not I should post the first chapter on my page or not. I just really don’t want the simps to come for my head (though it might happen anyway). But I’ve been writing this for about a year and a half now and I really want to post it but I’m so nervous about the reception and backlash. What do you think?

Thanks for answering me and indulging the fact that it’s okay to like something and still want it to be better (critics/the Rwde tag is my favorite because I can read opinions that I mused share but are too scared to put as a post).

Thanks, we picked Ironpines because we loved Ironwood and Oscar, and then our friends, being the good friends they are, immediately told us it was the ship name for them so now we can't have anything nice.

1) First off, yes, we absolutely think Jaune is an author's pet. We don't really go for self-insert anymore since everyone in RWBY was a self-insert, Monty clearly based them off his friends. But now, Jaune is absolutely an author's pet and has been since the start of the show.

Just look at Volume 1. Jaune literally had more of a storyline than Yang, one of the girls in the title. He then went on to have a dumb love triangle in V2, only to resolve it with Neptune without any input from Weiss, because why not, and then V3 was Jaune finally taking more of a step back for Pyrrha, who was long over due some character.

Until V4 where, rather than everyone mourning Pyrrha, we focused on Jaune mourning her instead. Nevermind that Pyrrha was Ren and Nora's teammate too, probably their only family since they're orphans, or how Ruby literally watched Pyrrha die in front of her. Nope, gotta focus on Jaune. Add that it stretches into V5 also, adding another storyline about his Semblance while Ren, Nora, and Ruby have to stand in the background and wait their turn, while Weiss literally loses all her braincells so she's injured for Jaune's development, how the confrontation with Cinder doesn't go to Ruby, the main protagonist, but Jaune.

Then we get that stupid statue scene in V6 that took over Oscar finally getting some development of his own. It's not even the whole team, because it's only Jaune that gets to meet the lady who totally isn't Pyrrha's mother, it's Jaune that gets the big teary moment, and how Ren and Nora have to stop and comfort Jaune because of course they have to.

I was glad that Jaune finally took a backseat in V7. I actually started to like him again, because he wasn't sucking screentime away from those who need it. But then V8 happened and now I want him dead.

I've said it countless times before so I don't wanna repeat myself, but Jaune is one of the last people that should've killed Penny. He shouldn't have killed her, he shouldn't have had the big tearful scene because another redhead died, he shouldn't have fallen into the void to join Team RWBY, but he did. Now there's no doubt in my mind that Jaune is a fucking author's pet, because the writers won't let him go into the background where he belongs.

2) There's not much to say about Team RWBY. They just suck now.

3) After watching V8, V5 is no longer my least favourite volume. That's how bad it was.

4) Yeah, RWBY's rep is absolute trash and it's because they keep putting it in supplemental material, and also because they look at the LGBT and only see L. The only MLM we have is Scarlet, and he's a catty fae gay stereotype that is so unlikeable and voiced by a creep. Nevermind the whole Fairgame queerbait controversy because this company can't stop themselves for five minutes.

5) I always say that, when you post work on the internet, whether its art of writing, you have to understand that you will get criticism back. It'll suck, especially when you've put so much time and effort into something, but that's the risk you have to take as a content creator.

The good thing is that AO3 has features that let you manage what you see properly. If people just want to hate without giving proper criticism, you can always remove it and ignore it, but I personally believe that people aren't entitled to criticism when it's only said nicely. Sometimes, people will get annoyed and say it in a meaner way, but that doesn't make the criticism any less valid.

Either way, decide based on how you think you'll react to it. If you don't want the stress of criticism, be careful, but if you think you can handle it? Then go for it, the world's your oyster.

[lavender-lotion]

Fanfic Writer Asks

I was tagged by @asarcasticwitch - thank you so much!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

737, which is an ugly number :(

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,890,054 words, which ... AH I might actually get to 2mil by the end of the year!

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

thank you, ao3 dashboard for this handy list:

Teen Wolf (TV) (377)

X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies) (187)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (93)

Glee (29)

Young Justice (Cartoon) (11)

Kingsman (Movies) (9)

Original Work (9)

The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (8)

Criminal Minds (US TV) (7)

Thor (Movies) (6)

Deadpool (Movieverse) (5)

Weird City (TV) (5)

X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) (4)

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga) (4)

Ragnarok (TV 2020) (4)

Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) (3)

Teen Wolf (TV) RPF (3)

Iron Man (Movies) (3)

The House in the Cerulean Sea - T. J. Klune (2)

Venom (Marvel Movies) (1)

Stranger Things (TV 2016) (1)

Captain America (Movies) (1)

Fate: The Winx Saga (TV) (1)

Power Rangers Ninja Storm (1)

X-Men - All Media Types (1)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan (1)

Riverdale (TV 2017) (1)

X-Men Evolution (1)

Push (2009) (1)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

With You, I Belong

Mates and Marriage Proposals

The Perceptions of You and I

(baby) maybe that matters more

Breathing You In

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ughh so, fair warning, I have a lot of works. I definitely do not remember all of them, however I do have four works tagged as Unhappy Ending and then another nine works tagged Ambiguous/Open Ending, which is way more than I’d thought I had! 

however, there is one fic that stands out in mind when I think about which of my works has the angstiest ending! Heed the tags :)

And Now?

Teen And Up Audiences | Major Character Death | M/M | Teen Wolf (TV) | Chris Argent/Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski | Chris Argent, Peter Hale, Stiles Stilinski | Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canonical Character Death, Peter Hale Dies, Unhappy Ending

Stiles Stilinski finds out who his soul mates are by setting one on fire.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

ughhhhhhhh I truly do not know??? 

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t write many crossovers at all! I have some mcu/teen wolf cross overs, I have a teen wolf/glee cross over plotted (that i’ll probably never write), but my strangest is probably this teen wolf/x-men cross over!

what-ifs (don’t fuckin’ matter to no one)

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)Teen Wolf (TV) | Logan (X-Men)/Sheriff Stilinski | Logan (X-Men), Sheriff Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski | Memory Loss, Telepathy, Mentions of War, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Neglect, Grief/Mourning, Telepath Stiles Stilinski, Telekinetic Stiles Stilinski, Nightmares, Cuddling & Snuggling

There’s somethin’ there. Somethin’ that has him sleeping curled up on his side with a pillow tucked to his chest, somethin’ that has him splittin’ up his food ‘fore he eats ‘cause he don’t need as much as a baseline. Has him turnin’ to tell someone shit that ain’t there. There’s just...there’s just somethin’ there that’s missin’ and it shouldn’t be missin’.

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

sometimes! I don’t write a lot of smut because I actively dislike writing it, but the smut I do write is super super soft and sappy and full of emotions lol

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to almost all of my comments! comments i won’t respond to: negative comments, unsolicited criticism, comments that aren’t relevant to the fic itself, comments simply asking for more 

I love love love responding to comments! I love every single comment that I get and I want to show how much I appreciate getting them, and personally I think responding to comments is the only way to do that! everyone has different comment philosophies, but for me, if someone is taking the time to comment on my fic like I so badly want them to, I think it’s important to respond to show my appreciation! 

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha YEAH I DO. this past weekend I actually got a number of shitty comments and had to file two ao3 abuse reports for harrasment (: I love it

I am no stranger to hate comments. I write copious amounts of age difference fic. I write copious amounts of incest. I am not going to apologize nor am I going to feel bad for enjoying either.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

ughhh I sure as heck hope not! 

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I have a number of them :) I always always do my best to make sure it’s linked to the original fic, AND that I add a tag noting that there’s a translation!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have made a few attempts! the only successful attempt is there's nothing i wouldn't do to make you feel my love which is a collaboration with @flightinflame, not quite a co-write!

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I am unable to answer this lol I don’t have an all-time favourite. mutli-shipping forever.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

god okay this is such a good question! imma ramble about a few so bear with me here! (i may have 700 posted works but I also have a few hundreds wips & ideas floating around in my gdrive, too)

gone & past - this is a starrish wip i’d started in 2017. I ended up deleting it from ao3 to rewrite it and never got there, but I have about 20k of content! I built my home, inside of you - thorki human au with college jock thor and high school dancer loki. i’ve got a start and nothing else Sheriff Stilinski Gets Some Sweet Sweet Lovin’ - massive wip where... well, the sheriff fucks his way through the entire pack. I want to write it but. trans allison au - this is an au where allison is trans and that changes the entire season 1 canon. it features stallison, petopher, and a looooooong ass outline that will never exist beyond my wips You Fill My Heart (With Such a Gentle Love) - this is a stetopher a/b/o au with pregnant omega stiles and alpha pair petopher falling in love. it started as a labour of love to someone I no longer have in my life. I have about 30k, a full outline, but idk. makes me sad to think about it they slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered - this is my big x-men first class rewrite that I honestly don’t think i’ll ever finish. I have a few thousand words, a full outline, but no love lost for cherik so. doubtful Physiotherapy (I'll Be Your Baby) - this was a fic I was SO excited about, and then it kinda flopped and stayed a wip because I didn’t have a plan or the motivation to finish it. it’s a winterspider human au with amputee bucky and science twink peter that I adore the premise of but who knows breathing you in chapter 2 - I have a massive second chapter planned for this fic but the first did so good so fast I am way too intimidated to write more in case everyone hates it lmao

there are more arjgoirjeg there are so many more but these are the bigger ones I can think of right now!

16) What are your writing strengths?

ughhhhh I hate answering this because I have, like, seriously bad imposter syndrome around my writing BUT I do think i’m able to weave poignant backstory into narration & i write strong, distinctive narrative voices!

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

literally I can’t write settings at all. I don’t know how people vividly describe settings but I absolutely cannot do that and it’s one of the reasons I haven’t delved into original fiction. I need to write the town my characters live in?? fuck that imma just use a location we’ve seen on screen & let readers fill in the blanks lmao

I am also shit at long fic. I don’t have the mind for long and interesting plots, and I don’t have the focus to write long fic (which is why every long fic i’ve ever posted has taken me literal years to complete smh).

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I like it! both as a reader and as a writer. as a writer, I generally only use a few words, or small sentences that can be understood by context, and I generally don’t 

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the last thing I wrote and posted was this one:

Languish

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) | John Allerdyce/Bobby Drake | Bobby Drake, John Allerdyce, X-Men (Team) | Not Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Established Relationship, Summer, Teasing, Fluff

It was a really, really hot Saturday, and most of the school was outback, enjoying the sun, not caring about the heat, and having the time of their life.

Everyone but Bobby, of course, who was melting away.

“I just want to remind everyone that I make ice. I am the Ice Man. I am not built for the heat and soon enough I’m going to melt away into nothing.”

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this is another impossible question! I have a few I really enjoy, but I really don’t think I have a favourite that stands out above the rest!

i’m tagging: @4magicandmayhem @insertmeaningfulusername @midrashic @wynnefic @ikeracity @stronglyobsessed @elledelajoie @wolfnprey​ & anyone else who sees it and wants to do it! seriously! go ahead :)

blank questions below the read more!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

16) What are your writing strengths?

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

[bivwifeybunny]

Romanticism

this is a writing I did 2 months ago and I feel confident enough to post it now. be warned this is a rant and not a fanfiction in any way shape or form. so please proceed with caution.

also note my blog is a safe space and any hate will not be tolerated. my asks and dms are always open if you ever need to rant about things as well. please stay safe and once again, please read all tags and warnings before proceeding with caution

tw: feelings of loneliness, fear of being forgotten, delusions, very unhealthy parasocial relations, bad relationships, unhealthy consummation of media, mentions of harsh self-criticism & self doubt, all of this is all very self-destructive behavior

Loneliness is crushing. It’s all enveloping, disguising itself as a warm hug. Warm hugs leave you feeling happy and well… warm. Loneliness leaves you feeling cold and hollow.

You don’t notice it at first. It’s never the first thing in your mind. But as you get older it changes. You tell yourself it’s fine. You have friends. You’re content with what you have. But as people pass you by you can’t help but feel left alone in the dust. Forgotten.

That’s such an awful word. But I guess it’s accurate. Because when I look deeper into it, it’s not so much the loneliness as it is being forgotten. Unloved.

When fear of being forgotten and loneliness creeps closer, you can’t help but ask yourself if something’s wrong with you. When you ask someone else their answers are always the same.

You’re lucky you haven’t dated yet.

You should wait till you’re older.

It’ll happen eventually.

You don’t need a relationship.

You’ll find someone.

But as the days pass on you can’t help but wonder if that really is the case. Will you find someone? It certainly doesn’t feel like it. As the days turn to weeks, weeks to months, months to years, it honestly feels like it’ll never happen.

You feel unlovable. Especially when you try. When you decide to put yourself out there, take a shot at someone. Only to be rejected.

From my experience there was always someone else. Always someone else that caught their eye. I’ve seen a lot. There’s always a girlfriend or somebody they had a crush on. And there were always the ones who took pity on you. The ones who realized your romantic feelings and decided to humor you.

“Those were the worst 5 minutes of my life.”

He agreed out of pity and couldn’t stand it for any longer than 5 minutes. Not only did he end it so soon, but he verbalized his distaste behind my back. I only found out because his best friend, the one he had told, decided to let me know.

There was the boy who was forced into a “relationship” with me. By my own friends. I know they meant well. They knew of my crush and were only trying to help me out but in doing so led to my ultimate heartbreak when humoring the quiet girl became too much.

And last but certainly not least, was the drummer boy. Living up to the cliche, just not with me. It was certainly a roller coaster. But in the end I couldn’t blame him. I couldn’t. But it always left me thinking it had to be me.

I’m the only constant factor in all of these scenarios. It doesn’t help that I fall hard and fast. Though that aspect has only worsened over time.

It led to this downward spiral of fantasizing romantically about just about anyone on the internet. Real or Fictional. I invested all my time and effort into these fucked up “relationships���. If you could even call them that. I developed an unhealthy obsession with these people. I always brushed it off.

Everyone does it nowadays. I just think they’re hot.

That’s what I told myself to make me feel better. Which in hindsight was not the best choice as it only justified my own actions to myself. This started these self-destructive cycles. Obsess and hyperfixate on these people and characters, “justify” my actions and continue to revolve my entire life around them.

It got bad enough to the point where I’d call it an addiction.

I couldn’t stop.

Constantly turning to places like Tumblr and Ao3 just to fuel my desires and I couldn’t seem to go a day without doing so.

Quarantine in particular really put the nail in the coffin so to speak. I was without my friends and had no way of contacting them. This time the loneliness settled in quicker. This time it didn’t leave.

I spent hours upon hours getting lost in the pages upon pages of fanfiction.

Neglecting my family. My schoolwork. Everything.

And the worst part is it didn’t make me feel better. In fact it did the opposite.

Sure at the time I was reading it, it felt great. I got to escape reality for a while. But afterwards I only felt more anxious and guilty. A heavy weight only sinking further and further into my skin the more I indulged. I couldn’t stop still. It was like a high, a euphoria that I gained. But each word only served to further the guilt and anxiety rooting itself deep within me.

Neglecting my family and schoolwork piled on quickly. I was slipping and I knew it, but it was like I wasn’t in control of my life anymore. I slipped further and further down this path and there was no way I could stop it. If anything, it only increased.

Rushed deadlines, missing out.

It didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter because for a short while the loneliness would subside. The all encapsulating grip of self-doubt loosened.

But it always returned. And returned stronger. To the point where friends weren’t enough anymore. They were barely enough before, but now these feelings only amplified after my time with them. I would leave them with a heavy heart and hollow feeling.

That numb feeling. That was what kept me going back. Searching for a way to feel anything anymore.

I created toxic parasocial relationships. Delusions that made the loneliness go away. It had no place if these delusions were believed to be reality, right? All I needed to do was believe.

And believe I did.

It only spiraled downwards when I discovered streamers.

This took my ideas of parasocial relationships to a new level. They were real people. They could talk and interact with their fans. There was something much more personal than fictitious characters and much more realistic and attainable than celebrities. They participated in fan service for their own personal gain.

It was everything I could ever want. And everything I didn’t need.

Before I knew it things had spiraled so far out of my control, that I couldn’t escape it. They actively put out new content which I consumed at a rapid pace. But every once in a while, when I was back in control. When I could sit back and take a look at the damage, I was left feeling different.

It wasn’t loneliness anymore, not entirely. A new feeling emerged once I stumbled out of my month-long delusions.

Self-doubt and self-critiquing.

Coming out of these delusions didn’t mean I suddenly stopped feeling romantic feelings towards these people, it only meant I was now aware about my fate.

I had no chance with them.

I never did and never will.

There was always still that voice in the back of my head. And even as I’m typing this I hear it.

The voice that says:

You can still have them.

Tempting me back in my delusions. I deny the voice.

I deny, deny, deny until I can no longer bear my own reality and allow myself to slip back into the delusion. To go back to my fantasy world.

During the buildup however, another thing chips away at the thin armor I’ve covered myself in. Along with the thoughts of never being able to be with these people, there’s also the nitpicking. Assuming the type of girl a certain streamer would want to be with and comparing myself.

That step in the process is exactly what spurred me to write this. Just hours ago I was scrutinizing myself in comparison to other women on the internet, inevitably snowballing the smallest imperfections to full on hatred for myself.

Facing the reality of the situation, criticizing myself, denying myself the ability to divulge in the delusion for as long as possible sent me right back into them. The dam finally breaks and I give in. I go back to my world of delusions and fantasy and repeat the cycle again and again and again.

Loneliness. Self-doubt. Self-critiquing. Fear of being forgotten. Fear of being unlovable.

Unlovable.

At this point in time I believe that to be true about myself.

I know people say it’s not true, and that I’m just being dramatic and impatient.

And maybe I am.

But all I know is that this empty feeling, this idea of being unworthy of love is what I feel. And I might not ever escape this cycle I’ve started.

[bluejayblueskies]

the before, the after, the in-between

Chapter Five: wind-chilled fingers Words: 3.1k

Relationships: Jon & Daisy, Jon/Martin Tags: Post-Canon, Scottish Safehouse, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mute Jon, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies

Work Summary:

There was no knife, no blood, and Jon was not dead. And when he heard a strangled noise from beside him and looked over to see Martin standing in the doorway of the safehouse, flung open and letting in the frigid bite of near-winter and sunlight, there was sunlight, he felt such a dizzying, intense wave of relief that he could hardly breathe around it.

Then, he opened his mouth to say Martin’s name, and nothing came out, and all of the relief fell away in an instant.

.

Jon wakes up in the safehouse in October of 2018, alive and well but without the Eye and without his voice. In the days that follow, he finds himself confronted with a world that has reset itself in space and in time, a version of himself that is no longer the Archivist, and the fact that death during the end of the world had not been so permanent as it had seemed.

Chapter Summary:

“I never came up here to hunt, you know,” Daisy says. “That’s not to say that I didn’t hunt at all when I was here, but that’s not what the house was for.”

She looks at Jon, and he raises an eyebrow. “Safety precaution,” she says after a moment. “In case things ever went south enough that I had to disappear. The only two people who knew about it were me and Basira.” Her mouth curls into a faint smile. “She helped me pick out the curtains.”

Read on Ao3 (link in source)

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six| Chapter Seven

Or read below:

(cw for mentions of death/murder, mentions of blood)

Martin leaves in the morning to call Basira. They’d left their cell phones behind when they’d fled here before, pressing them into Basira’s waiting hands as she’d passed them the keys to the safehouse in return, and there’s an old pay phone in the village that they’d used to make calls back then. Jon remembers the call Martin had made when Jon had started to crave statements again—and Basira promising that she’d send a box—and feels an all-too-familiar wave of guilt and regret.

It won’t be like that this time, though. It can’t be, for more reasons than one. The worst has already come to pass, and they have weathered it as best they could.

Martin is back quickly, before Jon has time to do much more than shower and eat, a strange expression on his face as he shuts the door behind him and locks the late autumn chill back outside. Jon stares at him from over his mug of tea, eyes wide and questioning. Martin looks at the closed bathroom door, says, “I’ll wait for Daisy,” and goes to make himself a cup of tea.

Basira is making the trip up to Scotland, Martin tells them once Daisy is sat at the table next to Jon, declining Martin’s offer for a mug of her own. “It was… it was hard to tell what she was feeling,” Martin says, tracing his finger around the rim of the mug. “I don’t know if she was surprised or not? She said she… she knew people who had died were coming back. Didn’t say how, though. Yeah, she, um. She didn’t sound thrilled to hear my voice, but I- I don’t think she was upset either.” He sighs. “There’s a lot going on out there. She said she’s been ‘taking care of some things’ back in London, and that things are… bad.”

“Bad how?” Daisy says.

Martin shakes his head. “She didn’t say. Just bad. And then I told her that you were alive and- and here with us, and she… she got quiet for a while. Honestly thought the call had disconnected. All she said after that was that she was coming up now, and then she hung up.”

Daisy lets out a breathy laugh. “Yep. That sounds like Basira.”

Jon reaches over and brushes his hand against hers. There’s a tension in her body that bleeds into her words—that lingering anxiety, he thinks, of what’s to come. Of not knowing how somebody is going to look at you when you’ve woken up as something different than you were when you went to sleep.

He thinks he knows the feeling.

“I don’t know if she meant now or as soon as possible,” Martin says with a sigh, “and she can’t exactly call us when she’s in, so it could be tonight or it could be tomorrow morning. Either way, it’ll be soon.”

Daisy’s hand curls into a loose fist next to Jon’s. He shifts so that his pinkie covers hers, his elbow brushing up against the sleeve of her hoodie, and though the tension doesn’t vanish, he thinks he feels it fade a bit as she relaxes beside him. “Soon,” Daisy repeats, her voice flat and carefully contained. “Hm.” She sits there a moment more; then, she shifts away from Jon and stands, rolling her shoulders back with a pop as she does so. “You said tonight at the earliest?” When Martin nods, she makes a contemplative sound. “Right. More than enough time for me to take a walk, then.”

“I guess?” Martin says as Daisy walks around the table and heads for the door, pulling on a pair of boots that she’d unearthed from one of the closets. “It’s kind of cold out though, don’t you want a—”

The door opens and shuts behind her, letting in the barest hint of chill before she’s gone. “—jacket,” Martin finishes. “Right.” He stares at the closed door a moment more before saying as he turns back to Jon, “I suppose we ought to—Jon, what are you doing?”

Jon pauses, his left arm halfway through the sleeve of the jacket that had been hanging on the back of his chair, and raises an eyebrow. He finishes shrugging the jacket on, then gestures towards the door, fairly certain that his intentions to go outside are obvious given his choice of clothing.

“Okay, yes, fine. Sorry. I’ll rephrase. Why are you doing what you’re doing? I don’t… she kind of seemed like she wanted to be alone.”

Jon purses his lips and slowly nods. He looks around and, after a moment, locates his notebook still sat on the table next to the couch where he’d grabbed it from the bedroom that morning. He picks it up, flips it open, and writes, She got like this sometimes in the Archives. She wants to be alone, but she doesn’t want to be alone. Jon frowns at the words, but he holds them out towards Martin anyway. He thinks, of all people, Martin will understand.

Martin reads the words, and after a moment, he nods, something on his face softening as he does so. “Do you want me to come with?” he says. “It’s all right if the answer is no.”

Jon hesitates, then shakes his head. He tucks the notebook in the pocket of his jacket along with the pen, crosses to where Martin is sat, and presses a gentle kiss to his forehead in a wordless thanks for asking. It’s an action he’s only able to perform when Martin is sitting, given the height difference between them, and he takes great pleasure in seeing the way Martin’s cheeks are flushed when he pulls away, splotchy with affection. Martin takes his hand and squeezes it once. “Stay warm, and… come back soon, okay?”

Jon nods, squeezing Martin’s hand in return with a small smile. He collects his scarf by the door, wrapping it around his neck until it rests just underneath his chin, and then he steps out into the frigid autumn air.

It doesn’t take him long to catch up to Daisy. He can see the copper shock of her hair in the distance, silhouetted against the still-green grass of the Highland hills, and he quickens his pace into an awkward half-walk, half-run until she’s close enough that he can see her face in detail.

She looks the same as she did in the coffin, he thinks, just before they’d reached the surface—that same look of quiet anticipation, mixed with something wary and, at its heart, still deeply resigned to the belief that there was no up, no better. It had melted away the moment Daisy, sprawled on the floor of Jon’s office and covered in dirt, had laid eyes on Basira, but Jon remembers it all the same.

She doesn’t look surprised to see him when he finally arrives at her side, falling into step beside her and trying to hide the fact that he’s winded. From the way that the corner of her mouth tilts up ever so slightly, he doesn’t think he succeeds. Well. It’s not his fault she walks so bloody fast. After a moment, though, her lips flatten back into a line and she stares straight ahead, where the dirt road stretches out before them and, a few miles past, hidden behind the hills, the village lies. They walk in silence, seconds stretching on to minutes, until finally, as the road curves and outlines the base of a hill, Daisy veers off it and picks her way through the grass. Jon follows, and it doesn’t take them long to arrive at a small copse of trees, situated near the boundary of two fences. It’s sparse, but Jon finds that when he follows Daisy through the border of trees and into the shade, it still shelters them from the wind a bit. Jon’s half-frozen cheeks begin to tingle in gratitude as the blood flow to his face resumes.

“I never came up here to hunt, you know,” Daisy says, and Jon, startled, nearly trips over a root as her voice shatters the silence. She doesn’t seem to notice as she finally stops next to a large, twisted tree and continues, “That’s not to say that I didn’t hunt at all when I was here, but that’s not what the house was for.”

She looks at Jon, and he raises an eyebrow. “Safety precaution,” she says after a moment, leaning against the tree and picking at the edge of her middle fingernail with her thumbnail. “In case things ever went south enough that I had to disappear. The only two people who knew about it were me and Basira.” Her mouth curls into a faint smile. “She helped me pick out the curtains.”

And now me and Martin as well, Jon thinks. He’s not sure if he’s meant to feel bad for taking away such a closely guarded secret. He doesn’t think Basira at the time had thought she would ever have much use for it again.

Jon suddenly wonders if there are bodies buried in these trees. He steadfastly decides not to ask.

“I suppose things have gone south now,” Daisy says. “Or south enough, at least. The world’s better, sure, but it still kind of feels like things have gone to shit.” She looks over at Jon, sees the expression on his face, and says, “Relax, Jon. I told you, I’m not kicking you out. I hadn’t been up here in a while, before, and it wouldn’t make sense for the place to sit empty.”

Jon frowns. He rubs his hands together a few times briskly to try to get some feeling back into his fingers, pulls the notebook and pen out of his pocket, and writes clumsily, You’re not staying?

Daisy shrugs. “Haven’t really thought about it. I don’t… it depends.”

On Basira? Jon considers writing. But he thinks he knows that the answer is yes. Instead, he nods and writes, a bit hesitantly, I suppose I’m not sure if we’re staying either. We haven’t talked about it yet.

They haven’t talked about a lot yet. The first few days had been spent in relative shock, emotions still red-hot and hard to grasp, and then Daisy had shown up and there hasn’t been much time for talking since. Jon doesn’t particularly want to talk about it. He knows they have to anyway. He’s already been writing some of his thoughts down, when they sit so heavily on the back of his mind that he can’t concentrate on anything else but them, and that at least will make it easier, he hopes.

He could probably fill a whole notebook, he thinks, with things he should say. It’s an intimidating thought.

“Well, you’re welcome to,” Daisy says, and Jon blinks up at her, his mind returning to the trees and the bitter chill. “Best be mindful of the back porch, though. I think I’ve got a body or two buried underneath it.”

Jon looks at her, alarmed.

Daisy sighs fondly. “It’s a joke, Jon. As if I’d be so careless.”

Jon stares at her a moment more. Then, a laugh trips out of his mouth, followed by another, until he’s pressing his fist to his mouth to smother them. Christ, he’s missed her.

She watches him laugh for what must be nearly a minute, a small smile of her own forming on her face. But then, too soon, it’s quiet again, and her mouth pinches back into the flat line it had been for the entirety of their walk out here. Tentatively, Jon reaches out and places a hand on her arm, expression open and questioning. Daisy sighs but remains silent, eyes focusing on the trees over his shoulder. Just as Jon is about to withdraw his hand and write in his notebook—encouragement, maybe? A question?—she sighs again, heavier this time, and says, “I don’t… I don’t like feeling like this.”

Jon keeps his hand on her arm, squeezing gently. He’s never been great at being reassuring, but Daisy’s never required much from him on that front. He’d tried to form the right words once when she’d been struggling particularly badly with the hunger, but they’d fallen flat and stale in the air between them. She’d never said so outright, but he thinks for her, just being there and touching her, reminding her that she’s not alone, is enough.

“Everything that I’ve done,” Daisy says. “It was all me. Doesn’t matter how much of it was the Hunt—they were my hands and my actions and my thoughts. Never controlled, never someone other than myself. Even when the world was wrong, it was still me. Not liking it doesn’t change that fact. I made the choice to go back to the Hunt, and it was the right one, but I still feel…” Daisy’s jaw twitches. “Regret. And I don’t like it.”

Jon tightens his grip on her arm ever so slightly, but he doesn’t reach for his notebook. He watches Daisy’s lips purse, her jaw clenching and unclenching rhythmically, before she finally says, “Show me your leg, Jon.”

Jon blinks, surprised. After a moment, he lets go of her arm and reaches down for the hem of his left trouser leg. He doesn’t have to ask what she’s looking for. He pulls it up to just below the knee, shivering a bit as the cold air hits his bare skin, goosebumps forming around the thick bite mark scars that pepper his skin. He looks up at Daisy. Her eyes are fixated on his leg, expression the kind of careful neutral that one sees on a plastic mask. Her jaw twitches again, and she nods slowly. “I remember making those,” she says, eyes still stuck on Jon’s leg even as Jon lowers the fabric of his trousers and straightens again, wincing at the strain it puts on his lower back. “I remember tasting your blood. Familiar blood. It’s… hard to describe. You were familiar, but you weren’t you. It’s like everything was washed away, and all I could remember is that I had wanted to kill you, but you weren’t dead.”

An unfinished meal, Jon thinks. It should probably disquiet him more to hear this, but it doesn’t. Any disappointment he had felt at the lack of true recognition had been buried by grief and loss, and he finds that even as Daisy insists that the yellow-eyed wolf she’d become had still been her, Jon is easily able to separate them in his mind. Perhaps it helps that he’d accepted that Daisy had died the moment he left her behind in the Institute, all those months ago.

“I remember feeling that,” Daisy says, voice tight. “I remember being that. And it was me, even if I… don’t quite recognize the person I was then. And it… eats at me. Makes me regret. It’s hard. I wish it didn’t.”

Jon presses his teeth to his bottom lip and slowly nods. He understands, he thinks, what it’s like to look back on something you did—someone you were—and not recognize the person you were then. It had taken him a long time to accept what Daisy had been able to easily—that the parts of himself that scared him the most, that he pushed away out of guilt and shame and regret, were still him. He still thinks he hasn’t quite gotten there.

“I don’t know what I’ll feel when Basira gets here,” Daisy says, voice small in a way Jon hasn’t heard it in a long, long time. Not since the coffin. “I know things will be all right between us. They always have been. But things will be… different. Even after the coffin, when I was trying to stay away from it… it was still there. The Hunt. It’s the only way Basira’s ever known me. The way things are between us, the relationship we have… it’ll be different. It’ll take time. And she’s going to be here tonight.” Daisy laughs a little, sharp and humorless. “Suppose that’s a good sign, that she’s already on her way. Just hope she isn’t upset with what she finds when she gets here, is all.”

Oh. Oh, Daisy.

Jon reaches again for Daisy’s arm, then her hand, taking it in his and squeezing it gently. She sighs and, after a moment, squeezes back. Then, she frowns, holding his hand up slightly higher as if for inspection. “Jesus, your hands are freezing.”

As if on cue, a shiver runs down Jon’s spine, prompted by a curl of wind that sneaks in through the trees and tickles the back of his neck somehow, even through the folds of his scarf. Daisy takes Jon’s hand in hers and rubs it briskly between them a few times, trying to imbue some warmth into his fingers, before dropping it and saying, “Come on. Let’s head back. Wouldn’t want you to start losing fingers.”

Jon takes the time as they walk out of the copse and back to the road to write, a bit pedantically, I don’t think anybody’s ever lost a finger due to Raynaud’s. When he holds the notebook out towards Daisy, she only glances at it for a moment before pushing it back towards him. “Smartass. Put your hands in your pockets at least.”

Jon does so, pointedly holding back a comment about how that’s not how it works, that his fingers won’t really warm until his core temperature increases. He thinks Daisy can see the intent in his eyes anyway from the way she rolls her own and nudges her shoulder against his, telling him fondly to shut it.

The trip back is quiet, accompanied only by the sound of their footsteps and the rushing of the wind through the grass. When they finally reach the cottage, Daisy hesitates just outside the door, hands stuffed in her pockets and shoulders slightly hunched. “Thanks,” she mutters after a moment, looking at an arbitrary point off in the distance. “For coming after me.”

Always, Jon thinks, brushing his shoulder lightly against Daisy’s and giving her a small, quiet smile. He doesn’t write it down, but he hopes she understands all the same.

Daisy takes a deep breath in, then lets it out. “Right,” she says, then takes one hand out of her pocket and opens the door, stepping inside. Jon stands there a moment more, letting the wind whisk his hair away from his forehead and looking out on a green, sunlit world he’d resigned himself to have lost forever. Then, he turns and follows Daisy inside, shutting the door behind him and feeling warmth begin to seep back into his cheeks and hands.

It really is lovely out here, he thinks as he sheds his jacket and accepts the hot mug of tea Martin presses into his hands with a smile, in this place he’s chosen to call home. He just hopes it lasts.

[myaekingheart]

20 [Fanfic Writer] Questions Game

Thank you so much for tagging me, @lemony-snickers! This is tons of fun, I love answering these kinds of big questionnaires 😂💕 Also putting mine under a cut because there’s a lot of questions and I like to ramble. 

Also gonna go ahead and just tag whoever wants to do this! 😅💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

As of August 27, 2021, I have a total of 77 works on my AO3! 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Funny enough, I was just looking at this, specifically, earlier today and kind of laughing about it. Right now, my total word count across all my works is 1,148,941 😬 

3. How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

Apparently 12, but some of them I don’t really consider “big” in my fandom repertoire. Naruto is my greatest fandom with a total of 60 fics so far, followed by The Chronicles of Narnia and Rise of the Guardians. The rest are ones I either did crossover fics with or just did one-off little pieces with--The Incredibles, Tangled, Brave, How to Train Your Dragon, Arthurian Mythology, Disney Princesses, Fairy Tales and Related Fandoms, Back to the Future, and Frozen. 

4. What are your Top Five fics by kudos?

The Scarecrow and The Bell (Naruto) - 470 kudos The Day Kakashi’s Mask Slipped (Naruto) - 139 kudos Sunflowers (Naruto) - 92 kudos Sakumo the House Husband (Naruto) - 81 kudos Someone to Lean On (Naruto) - 67 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always try to respond to comments, because I like to acknowledge when people respond to my work. I cherish comments like nobody’s business, especially when they’re kind and reactionary. I just really love seeing/hearing what people think of the way a story is progressing, or what they thought of a one-shot. Comments keep me going especially when it comes to longfic so I want to be able to let readers know that I do in fact see their comments, that I’m acknowledging what they’re saying, and that I appreciate them. Plus, it can be kind of fun to tease upcoming events in a fic through responses to people’s comments, too. Because I’m mean. 

6. What fic have you written with the angstiest ending?

Definitely Hothouse (Rise of the Guardians/The Incredibles; Jack Frost x Violet Parr; American Horror Story AU). This was the first multi-chaptered fic I ever wrote to completion and I honestly cringe when I remember it exists both because it’s so poorly organized (and full of nasty plot holes) and because I just went ham on the gore factor. It definitely has a really bittersweet and heartbreaking ending to it, too. 

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I think I’ll definitely have to say Temptation. The story itself was kind of a ride, and it’s only the first installment in a series, but it follows the plot of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe but remixed due to the presence of an original character, but the ending is still roughly the same as the original: they defeat the evil, the Pevensies are all crowned kings and queens, happy days. Reading the last few paragraphs of the last chapter honestly still gets me all up in my feelings. 

8. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I used to be more of a crossover writer due to one of my main ships being a crossover ship. They weren’t super crazy, though, because they were both CGI-animated films. The craziest crossover I’ve ever written is an in-progress/unfinished multichapter piece, Kakashi, Enchanted, that sees our favorite Copy Ninja get kamui’d into the Disney princess dimension and has to help the likes of Snow White, Cinderella, and Rapunzel on his journey to find a way back to his own world. It’s a super weird premise but definitely one of my more lighthearted works and fun to revisit when I need to decompress. 

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I don’t think I’ve ever received hate so much as I’ve received criticism. The closest I ever got to hate on a fic, I think, was someone left an overly personal and mentally disturbed comment on a chapter of my main fic that made me convinced they needed to seek therapy and deal with their own personal issues rather than take it out on a fanfic about animated ninjas. 

10. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Maybe 👀 I’m super vanilla when it comes to smut, though. I think the wildest thing I’ve ever written in smut is breeding kink. 

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, and I hope I never will. 

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet! I had someone ask to translate a one-shot of mine in Russian but I never got a response back when I laid out my terms and conditions. 

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not! I used to do paragraph-style roleplay which was kind of like cowriting fanfiction but writing is so personal and sacred to me that I don’t know if I could ever actually cowrite a fic with someone. I like brainstorming with other people, but writing for me is more of a deeply personal and independent endeavour. 

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh god, this is a tricky question because it depends on fandom. I absolutely love New Dream (Rapunzel x Eugene, Tangled) and have for the past ten years, and my love for them as only grown since watching Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure. I don’t write or even really read a ton of fanfiction for them, though. I’m also still highly dedicated to my favorite crossover crackship, Frostfield (Jack Frost x Violet Parr, Rise of the Guardians/The Incredibles) and to this day, if you search for that ship on AO3, I am the sole provider of every single fic about them so far. I’m not as active with them as I used to be, but they got me through some really rough times back in the day and still mean so much to me. A lot of my favorite ships across fandoms, though, are honestly canon x OC ships of mine because I am a self-indulgent bitch who needs to project. So Peter Pevensie x Eilonwy (The Chronicles of Narnia) and Kakashi Hatake x Rei Natsuki (Naruto) are really important to me and I’ve poured so much of myself specifically into their stories. I think it’s safe to say Kakashi and Rei is my all-time favorite ship across all fandoms, though, just because of how much their story means to me. The Scarecrow and The Bell is my magnum opus, my pride and joy, and I’m sure it will be my biggest fandom footprint of my entire life. I’ve dedicated the past three years to this story and these characters and I intend to continue doing it until it no longer brings me joy (which I hope it always will). There’s just so much I could say about this story and Kakashi and Rei’s relationship but I don’t think we have enough time or space in this post for that 😅 Just know that they mean the world to me and I will always hold them in the highest regard as a beautifully messy, flawed, passionate, soulmate-y ship that I love with all of my heart 🥺

EDIT: I also feel obligated to tack on some of my absolute favorite Naruto ships because I may not have written for all of them (yet) but they still make me unbelievably happy or I find them really compelling and enjoy the idea of exploring them: 

Naruhina is precious happy sunshine and The Last honestly felt like a wonderful Disney princess movie to me, it was so cute and the romance was so on-point, Naruhina just makes me so incredibly happy and I love them with all my heart. 

MinaKushi also gets me all up in my feels and I adore them with every fiber of my being. Their romance also gave me Disney princess movie vibes which I love, their story is just so damn sweet as is their character dynamic and I am still so heartbroken that they never got to be a happy family with Naruto because you know what? It’s what they deserved!

SasuSaku is so compelling to me and I really feel like we were cheated out of seeing their relationship develop and evolve postwar in the same way The Last did for Naruhina. They’re my favorite angst ship and while I don’t think they were written that well in canon, I love the possibility and potential of them together and am excited to explore them more in-depth in my own writing. 

NejiTen is just too cute, I really love the way Neji and Tenten’s personalities compliment each other? I don’t have much else to say about them except that I really love them together and think they have so much untapped potential that I also can’t wait to explore in more depth in my own writing. 

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Paper Hearts and Impromptu Bookmarks, probably. I love the premise of this story a lot and I have so many interesting ideas for it but at the same time, it also feels kind of cheap and cringey to me, in a way? It takes all of these ideas I probably would have had if I had been into Naruto when I was a kid and kind of compiles them all into one big story. Kakashi and Aiko’s relationship and story is still really important to me and I want to continue it someday but for right now, I just haven’t had the motivation or desire to write any more of it. I think I’m just so overwhelmingly preoccupied with writing Kakashi and Rei’s story that I can’t imagine writing any other Kakashi x OC fics right now. 

16. What are your writing strengths?

I want to say that I’m really good at capturing complex emotion? I don’t know, I write a lot of angst and mental upheaval in my fics which can be really difficult to try and capture, but I think I do a decent enough job of it? And just writing difficult subjects in general. I think it’s really important to address difficult topics such as mental illness and relationship difficulties and everything but I also want to try and write those topics in a way that is both authentic to the experience while also still tasteful. I don’t want to drive readers away with heavy subject matter but rather present a situation that feels real and authentic while also still being digestible. I may not be doing a very good job of that during the current arc of my fic that I’m working on, but I’m trying haha

EDIT 2: I also want to add onto this to say that I’m really proud of my organizational techniques for writing longfic. It’s not necessarily a strength in terms of the prose itself but it’s something that’s taken me years to really get a grasp on and find a method that works perfectly for me and so far, it’s been extremely helpful and beneficial to me. I don’t know where I would be now as a writer without these essential tools in my pocket. 

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I feel like I do a really bad job of the “show, don’t tell” thing. It can be really hard to balance descriptive prose with straightforward writing that moves things along. I don’t want to dwell on mental dialogue to the point where you lose track of what’s going on, but I also don’t want my stuff to read like “Character A did xyz. Character B said abc. They went to 123″, whatever. Another thing I struggle with is sentence variation. I always fall into the same patterns when I’m writing prose and I get really self-conscious about it because I don’t want to sound repetitive or disrupt the flow of the writing. One of my favorite things about prose is focusing on the cadence of the words, I think it’s one of the most beautiful things about writing in general, but it can just be really difficult to get a good grip on that. I’ve been told in the past that I apparently have a really good grasp/control of the language or whatever but sometimes I just find that really hard to believe when I look at my work with such scrutiny. I think one of my biggest pet peeves with my own writing, too, is feeling like I start all of my sentences the same five different ways. I’ll read other people’s works and they’ll write sentences like “Glass-blue water lapped against the shores of a deserted beach as a lonely woman gazed off into the distance” and I can just never figure out how to realistically write sentences that start like that in the context of my prose and it drives me fucking crazy, like I’m definitely jealous  😅

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never really thought much about it before, but I think there are pros and cons! For bilingual/multilingual readers, I think it can be a really enriching reading experience because they know what’s being said in both languages. For people who only know one language, however, unless a translation is provided, I feel like it can be really alienating. I think the best use of that for both worlds is using it as a means for miscommunication humor. Other than that, I think it can be a slippery slope that depends on what kind of reader you are and how it’s written. 

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Chronicles of Narnia! My very first fanfiction was a Narnia fanfic that I barely remember except that it laid the basis for Temptation and my Narnia fanfic series as a whole. I never posted this first iteration anyway, but I remember it was 2008/2009 and I wrote a solid 80 pages (which was wild for me at the time) and had gotten halfway through remixing the events of Prince Caspian when my computer crashed and I lost absolutely everything. I’m still heartbroken that it’s gone forever, not because I’d want to go back and read it necessarily (since I’m sure it was actually hot garbage) but at least for nostalgia’s sake. Either way, like I said, this long-lost fic laid the basis for the very first fanfiction I ever posted, the first published (and never finished) iteration of Temptation back in 2011 on deviantART and the since-defunct Figment. I fell out of the fandom around 2012/2013 and left the story alone for a while before ultimately deciding to completely redux and rewrite the story when the fixation swung back around again between 2016 and 2018. 

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Despite the fact that it’s still in-progress, definitely The Scarecrow and The Bell. This fic just genuinely means so damn much to me and I will cherish it for the rest of my life because of how much it’s given me, how much love and passion and time and even parts of myself that I have poured into this, and also just how expansive of a story this is. Not only does it touch on some very dark and heavy topics, but I’ve also created so much of my own characters and meta for this story that it’s almost an entire universe in and of itself. I’ve just contributed so much additional world-building and created so many new OCs to fill important roles in this story and in Rei’s life, and they’ve all become so deeply important to me as they’ve developed further over the years. I’ve come up with so many interesting ideas for everyone and their lives, which are all slowly becoming so rich and varied. Not to mention that it’s my most popular fic to date as well as my longest fic at 632k and counting. I’ve really just genuinely poured so much of my heart and soul into this story, it’s my absolute favorite thing I’ve ever done and I really mean it when I say that I will cherish it for the rest of my life. 

[haillenarte]

white day 2020;

Here is a full translation of the (thus far) Japanese-exclusive White Day 2020 Developer’s Blog post.

First, the dry translator’s disclaimers: I acknowledge that this post is four months old. Once upon a time, I was the sort of fan translator who would have rushed to get this done within a week of its posting, but in this case, I was busy with the Ishgardian Restoration Skybuilders’ Ranking when it was first posted, and then after that... well, I just busied myself with other things. I was tempted to skip doing this one completely, but then I felt obligated to complete the series given that I’d translated the post from 2018, so... goodbye to my Saturday morning and afternoon, I suppose.

This post is intended as a polished translation on par with official content. As such, I have taken certain liberties with the text: though it was originally in more or less a script format, I embellished it to make it a prose post consistent with other English developer’s blog posts. Most of the moogle’s narration was invented by me in order to preserve humor and narrative flow. This is nothing that the localization team itself does not do. I can assure you that the core details remain essentially intact and untouched.

If you would prefer to read a more literal take on this text, I am sure that more than a few rough translations exist of it already, so please look for someone else’s post if you want something that’s more of a word-for-word take.

Special thanks to the person I trust best to write Urianger’s dialogue for helping me with Urianger’s dialogue, and then to a second good friend for Elizabethan grammar-checking the both of us!

Happy White Day, Kupo!

March 13, 2020

It’s ever so nice to speak with you again, kupo!

Do you remember me from the last report, perchance? ‘Tis I, the ever-industrious deputy postmoogle’s apprentice! The rising star that’s, ahem, still training to become a full-fledged postmoogle... kupopo...

This Valentione’s Day — like every Valentione’s Day — we postmoogles were once again entrusted with delivering confessions of love all throughout the realm. So I’m here to give you an exclusive rundown on how my deliveries unfolded, kupo!

First, I tapped into my considerable experience as an aspiring postmoogle to... erm... take care of the most difficult delivery on my list before all the rest. A-As any professional would, obviously!

...Phew!

Oh, it was such a relief that he was asleep when I dropped by, kupopo... I thought my heart was going to thump straight out of my fluffy chest! My paws might have been severed... my pom plucked...

Honestly, I was of the distinct opinion that I had done more than my fair share of the year’s work after that, kupo, but of course I tirelessly flew away to my next destination without complaint!

The second set of Valentione’s Day packages in my delivery satchel were meant for Lord Hien of Doma!

Lord Hien greeted me himself, kupo, friendly as ever. "Ah, the postmaster — right on time as always!” he said, a little breathlessly. “You have my thanks. Would you just leave your deliveries on that table so that they come to no harm?”

What harm? I was more a bit confused, but then I realized that he was in the middle of some sort of... game?

He was running around, being chased by the leader of the Buduga clan, kupo. I suppose they were in the middle of an extremely spirited game of tag! How fun! I remember when I was a young moogle playing tag with my friends, floating in circles with the wind in my whiskers... Oh, for those halcyon days! 

Daidukul received a fair bit of stuff from his admirers, too, kupo. More than Magnai, that’s for sure...

Then Isse looked at me as I was laying out everyone’s packages. “Oh, the postmoogle’s arrived?” he asked. “Um, by any chance, are you the one who delivered the year-end gifts from last time? I meant to give my thanks to the person who sent me something then...”

Of course, I told him that would be perfectly fine!

After all, even when it’s not Valentione’s Day, it’s the responsibility of a delivery moogle — or delivery person — to ensure that all the tender feelings they’ve been entrusted with reach their intended recipients. That’s why there’s no better job for me than being a postmoogle!

After my business in Doma was concluded, I flew back to Eorzea, kupo.

I’m a real go-getter — and someone really ought to tell the deputy postmoogle of my great work ethic — so I darted straight to the Black Shroud to unload my paws of all the packages I had for the people there. And what luck! As fortune would have it, I met one of my delivery targets on the road: Sanson Smyth!

“Happy Valentione’s Day, Sanson!” I chirped. “I have some very special deliveries for you and your usual companion!”

“Companion?” Sanson repeated. He sounded a little incredulous. “Er, no, that’s not quite right — it would really be more accurate to call him a vexing subordinate... Regardless, if it is Guydelot you seek, he is no doubt at his usual tavern. Would you like me to walk there with you?”

Oh, but of course I did, kupo! Sanson’s such a thoughtful, helpful man, isn’t he? It was so very nice of him to ask.

Taverns are where travelers go to rest, so they seem like such wonderful places to meet other people, kupo...

Once I’d finished with my deliveries in the Shroud, I let the cool northern winds carry me straight to Ishgard, kupo. And what change it’s gone through! The city was just bustling with the reconstruction effort!

I told Edmont (Count Edmont? Lord Edmont? So confusing!) that I’d come to deliver joyful tidings of love to everyone in House Fortemps again, kupo!

And to Ser Aymeric as well, of course!

And... well, I had a whole sack of things to give to Estinien, but just like last time, he wasn’t anywhere to be found. Since writing his name on it and leaving it by the window seemed to work last Valentione’s Day, I asked Aymeric if I should do the same this year, but... kupopo... He didn’t quite seem to approve of the idea. 

“We’ve received word from our men afield that Estinien may no longer be operating in Ishgard,” Aymeric explained, “so it may not be enough merely to leave his gifts by the nearest window and expect him to come across them.”

My pom drooped a bit at this pronouncement, kupo. After all, how was I going to deliver Estinien’s presents if even the Ishgardians couldn’t find him? Was it all hopeless, kupo?! All those packages to be returned to their senders... What a waste!

“No, well... Another report indicated some success in luring him with the scent of roasted kraken, seared by dragon’s breath. We might try that, if you’d like.”

I thought that seemed like a reasonable suggestion, but Edmont looked a little concerned. “Ser Aymeric, do you truly think — ?” he began, but then he seemed to change his mind. “...No, forget that I spoke. That being said, the restoration of the Firmament is proceeding apace, so I would exercise caution around undue use of fire...”

Well, I am nothing if not a cautious moogle, so I very carefully cooked up some delicious grilled kraken over an open fire, kupo. We postmoogles truly go above and beyond for our work!

I left his packages with the salted cephalopod as it was roasting, so I’ll bet he was thrilled to find everything set up for him!

I didn’t forget to make deliveries to this place either, kupo.

Whenever I come here, the atmosphere of the room feels so... so holy, kupo. As if the very air is clear... but empty, too. Do you know what I mean?

I cleaned up my posture before I left, kupo, and then it was off to finish the rest of the deliveries!

I had successfully shared everyone’s expressions of love with all sorts of people in Eorzea, and now it was time for... um... the impossible, kupo. You see, I still had a whole stack of especially challenging deliveries to make to the First!

We moogles have a lot of special tricks up our poms, kupo, but even I can’t possibly visit another shard without a bit of help... 

I really hadn’t the foggiest idea how to get there, so I wound up consulting the helpful folks at the Eighteenth Floor to ask them how I could get to the First!

And do you know what? They were so nice, kupo! They said that because Valentione’s Day was such a special day, and because they wanted to accommodate everyone’s heartfelt feelings, they’d let me use a special door that would take me safely to the First. Though it was not without... stipulations...

They handed me an enchanted pocket watch and said that if I failed to return before the hand on the watch made a full turn around the clock, I’d never be able to go back to Eorzea again, kupo.

Terrifying! Utterly terrifying! What other job would possibly ask you to put your existence as you know it on the line, kupo?!

But I am, as I’ve said, a professional beyond compare... so I made up my mind and zipped right through that door!

...I admit, I passed out and lost consciousness as I was traveling between the worlds, kupo. But when I came to, I was in a beautiful purple forest, and I could vaguely hear someone calling for me!

So I bounced back into the air and fluttered off to the Crystal Tower, kupo!

Naturally, the first First resident I delivered packages to was the Crystal Exarch. I had things to give him as the Crystal Exarch, and... other things to give him, too, kupo. Presents from a different time, from when he went by a different name. 

Now, I must admit, I’ve never quite understood his situation, but I did dutifully deliver his Valentione’s Day gifts each and every year! I simply wasn’t able to enter the Crystal Tower, so I would leave them at the entrance, kupo. I told him this, and then I asked him if he’d received them.

...But he didn’t answer me, kupo! He just started crying!

What was a poor moogle to do? I mean, you’ll notice our paws aren’t exactly great for wiping tears away. Had I made a terrible mistake after all? Should I not have done that?

“No,” the Exarch said, shaking his head. “No, you... you have done nothing wrong, little moogle. Forgive me. Let us move on. We must needs formulate a plan to keep you safe as you navigate this shard.“

I was very grateful to have made the acquaintance of such a cooperative colleague, kupo! With his help, I charted a path through Norvrandt that would let me finish my deliveries in time.

Next time, though, I hope I’m given a bit more time to take in the sights. I still think of those beautiful flowers in Il Mheg, and all the sights and sounds in that luxurious seaside city, Eulmore...

The Scions of the Seventh Dawn were there on some sort of business trip, I suppose, and of course they received as many gifts as ever, kupopo. I was very pleased to meet young Ryne for the first time, though!

She was delighted to meet me too, I do believe, and when I explained to her what Valentione’s Day was all about, she smiled and said, “It’s so wonderful that there are such beautiful holidays on the Source!”

“I’m sure Norvrandt will begin celebrating its own holidays before long, now that it isn’t under threat of the Light,” Thancred told her. “If you want, you can start a holiday of your own, with your friends.”

“That’s true,” Ryne giggled.

Urianger was especially pleased to see Ryne smile, kupo! Er, what was it he said again? “Pray enjoy thy gifts, to the delight of those who give thee affection.” Something like that, kupo? And also, um... “Have care lest thou shouldst cross paths with pixies and their kin, for therein lieth a penchant for mischief most troublesome.”

Yes, that was it, kupo!

Seeing everyone smile made my heart feel all warm and fuzzy too, kupo. I realize I’m always warm and fuzzy, but I mean extraordinarily so!

After ensuring that all of my packages arrived in the hands of their recipients on land, I then had to travel all the way to the bottom of the deep blue sea. It still boggles my mind that people on the First live beneath the ocean waves, kupo!

It took me some time to find someone who would respond to me, but I managed it eventually. “Why, hello there!” I said. “Yes, you, the tall fellow over there! Do you know where I might find someone by the name of Emet-Selch? I’ve a long story that I haven’t the time to tell, but to cut it all short, I have a pile of presents that I must see into his hands!”

I couldn’t quite make out the tall fellow’s face behind his mask, but I got the impression that he was smiling at me, kupo. “You are troubled, little one. Yes, I understand... If you would deliver these glad tidings to him, then let me give you a helping hand. Here.”

Poof! 

I couldn’t believe my eyes, kupo! With a snap of his fingers, the tall man made all my packages for Emet-Selch disappear into bits of light!

This wasn’t in any of the procedural manuals the deputy postmoogle made me memorize back-to-front, so I admit I might have panicked a little bit... but the tall fellow calmed me down soon enough.

“Even sweet gifts such as those you bear are only masses of aether,” he explained. “Once reduced to their base components, they will go to where he is — where all life eventually arrives. Be at ease, child. Whatever his faults in character, our lord of the dead and king of the underworld is an exceedingly clever man. No matter how vast the sea of life may be, he will surely be able to pluck his presents from the aetherial flow... supposing he desires to do so, that is.”

Now, I didn’t truly understand the finer points of this explanation, kupo... but the masked man seemed sincere about getting those gifts to Emet-Selch, so I decided to believe that he hadn’t done any harm.

I wanted to thank him for his help, but then he was gone in the blink of an eye! Even though I was in the middle of speaking with him when he vanished!

The citizens of that place are so mysterious, kupopo...

After all that was said and done, kupo, I had one final delivery to make. Just one last addressee to track down, and then I’d be finished, kupo!

And I really put my all into it. I swear upon my postmoogle’s cap and bag! I looked everywhere, every mountain high and valley low, but I simply couldn’t track him down.

The time left on my pocket watch was starting to run out, kupo, so I had to accept defeat. Disappointed, dragging my drooping pom behind me, I made my way back to the door between worlds, which already looked like it was in danger of disappearing, and leapt through the gates...

Mayhap I had cut it so close to the last second that something went wrong, kupo?

I passed out again, and when I came to, I was rolling around on an unfamiliar grassy knoll... while someone was poking at me to wake up, kupo!

What luck! What incredible luck! It was the very person I’d been searching for, for all that time, up until the very last second — Ardbert!

I almost cried and threw myself at him, I was so happy! To think that I would find him like this! “Ardbert, Ardbert!” I said, like he was an old friend. “I finally found you! I had all these presents to give you, kupo!”

He laughed and took it all in stride, though this must have been greatly puzzling to him. “What’s this? Another reward for the quest we just finished?”

“No, it’s not, kupo!” I replied, perhaps a little more crossly than I should have. “Here, this is for you! Take this, and this, and this! It’s all yours, kupo! Each package represents someone’s feelings for you, kupo! Everyone loves you so much!”

“Careful, now — oh, these look delicious!” he exclaimed, affably embarrassed as he sorted through the boxes I was admittedly pelting him with. “And this is all for me? You’re sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure, kupo! Eat them all up and have more faith in yourself, Ardbert!”

His eyes crinkled at their corners when he smiled. “Hahah! You’ve got a point. Then I’ll share these with my friends just over there. My thanks for bringing them all this way here, postmoogle. You’ve done a great job.”

...

...

I don’t quite remember what happened after that, kupo...

When I came to, I was lying on the counter of the Seventh Heaven, evidently having dozed off next to that Wandering Minstrel fellow. At first, I thought perhaps meeting Ardbert in that strange world had been nothing but a dream, but when I checked my postmoogle’s bag, I realized that it was much lighter, kupo!

So I really had met him, and I really had completed all my deliveries!

This year’s Valentione’s Day deliveries were arduous and difficult, kupo, but at the end of the day, I really did have a lot of fun. 

I delivered all of your love to everyone else, kupo... and now I’m here to deliver their love back to you!

One more time, for everyone’s sake: Happy White Day, kupo!

[pebblysand]

[the thoughts on canon-compliance you did not ask for.]

last night between 2 and 3 in the morning (look, i couldn’t sleep, got up to write, then got caught up, okay? don’t judge me for my terrible sleeping patterns please) i had a super interesting discussion with a few people on the hinny discord channel about the definition of canon-compliant-ness. i think this is fascinating because to be honest, before getting into the hp fandom, i didn’t even think this was something one could disagree about. to me there was what was canon, and what wasn’t. a very black-and-white sort of system. i’m finding that it’s not.

through the discussions that i’ve had both on my fics and other people’s fics, it seems that i can narrow down - in the hp fandom - three elements of canon.

i. the events of the books/films

now, as a general disclaimer, you can obviously argue about whether the films are ‘canon.’ you can also argue whether cursed child is canon. there’s a lot of elements which differ between those and lots of opinions about how to look at them. personally, i tend to ignore cursed child. as to the books v. films, i pick and choose what suits my story more. generally, that’ll be the books. but for instance, i’m writing a harry&hermione friendship one shot right now, and there are a lot of movie-isms in that story because that is an aspect that was more explored in the films. however, for the purposes of this post, i’m mainly considering the source material to be the seven books. nothing more or less.

having said that, to me personally, that’s what ‘canon’ is: the events of the story and the characters that gravitate around those events, as described in the source material. things like: tom riddle killing lily and james, or harry, ron and hermione rescuing the philosopher’s stone. anything departing from that is, de facto, an ‘au.’ the whole world of what-if scenarios: what if Harry was sorted into slytherin, what if dudley was a wizard, all of those, to me, are aus.

generally, both as a reader and a writer, those are not scenarios i’m particularly drawn to. my default answer to those what-if scenarios is: ‘well, if harry is sorted into slytherin, there’s no story.’ or at the very least, there’s no story as i know it, and if there’s no story as i know it, then i’d rather read/write original fiction. it’s obviously a very personal preference and there are exceptions to this preference. i loved the changeling [1] for instance, and love the self-aware style of dirgewithoutmusic’s aus [2]. but as a general rule, that is not my preferred genre.

now, aside from the what-if scenarios, there’s also the question of filling in the gaps of the story itself. like, i find it interesting that we only make tsunamis [3] is labelled as ‘canon-compliant’ because i get the feeling that a lot of people would disagree that a fic in which hermione is harry’s first kiss is canon compliant. but, by exploiting the silence sometimes left by the author and turning it to your advantage, are you writing an au? is a negative space canon? is silence canon?

again, as a matter of personal opinion, i would not push my definition of canon-compliance as including blank spaces. to me, as long as it does not contradict the letter of the text, adding in events to the books to suit your story (i’ll address character in point ii) does not make your fic an au. to give another example that was brought up to me regarding my own work, i don’t believe that the events described in chapter nine of castles [4] are au because they exist in a blank space of the books. the fact that harry didn’t notice the 1:1s between ginny and amycus doesn’t mean they didn’t happen, it just means that they’re not in the positive space described by the books.

ii. the characters/characterisation

(as a quick vocab note, please note that below, i’m using the terms ‘ooc’ to mean that the characterisation of a character in a fic is not canon-compliant. they’re synonyms to me.)

now, while the above was pretty straight forward, i believe that this is where i perhaps differ from the masses in my interpretation of what “canon-compliance” means. more i discuss with people, the more i realise that i don’t really think there’s a real ‘canon’ characterisation. or at least not in the big things. like, yeah, it’s canon that harry likes treacle tart, because that’s a fact. but anything that is down to psychology or perspective of the character is, to me, generally up for grabs.

as a human, i believe that there’s things that people do, events that they go through, that condition them to act a certain way. while there is a core to every human being, i personally believe that in life, anyone would basically be capable of doing anything, given the right circumstances. i’ve recently - rightfully - been told my writing is all about the power of choice in our life, the reasons why we make those choices and the people those choices lead us to be. for example, do i think i might murder someone tomorrow? probably not. do i think i might be capable of murdering someone in wartime? perhaps? i don’t know, that’s not the world i live in and my life choices have not lead me to find out the answer to that. however, my point is: to me, good ‘characterisation’ is down to the circumstances and choices outlined in any work of fiction. hence, good characterisation is essentially, to me, equal to good writing.

i often say that good writing could make me believe anything and i mean it. i don’t tend to gravitate towards these fics because these ships are not my personal taste but i genuinely believe that good writing could make me believe in drarry or rarry if it tried. it’s funny because over the course of the discussion yesterday on discord, this was brought up ‘well, no one tags drarry as canon compliant,’ and i’m kind of like, i don’t know whether or not they do because i don’t read it but if they did and none of it contradicted the events as detailed in the books, perhaps it could be? like, that would take really good writing (imo), but good writing has - on occasion - made me believe in dramione a couple of times, so why not? in ‘til the sirens come calling [5], good writing made me 100% believe that harry and hermione would have an affair together. in we only make tsunamis [3], it makes me believe that they had this quiet little relationship building throughout hogwarts that we never knew about.

now, though, i suppose the question isn’t: do i believe it? the question is: is it canon? and, i think that’s where i differ from most people because to me, it is. to take ‘til the sirens come calling [5] as an example, i believe the fic is an au because hermione marries victor krum in the end. that’s going against the hard fact presented by the epilogue, and thus makes it an au. but i don’t believe the concept of a harmony affair is inherently au, because nothing is inherently au, character-wise. it’s about how you write it. how those people get to that place. that’s what makes canon-compliantness, in my opinion.

for example, for that fic, truth be told, we don’t know what those nineteen years include per canon, so they could very much include an h/hr affair. and whilst i don’t believe that the characters as they are in the books would have an affair together, i believe that the characters as they are presented in the fic, with the events and hardships that they go through, definitely would. good writing, to me, is - in part - recognising that characters are moving on a spectrum and that whilst their decisions/actions might not make sense in book-verse, they make sense in fic-verse. good writing is convincingly moving your characters from book-verse to fic-verse, and it not feeling ‘off.’

if it does feel off, that is bad writing to me, and that is also ooc-ness/non-canon compliant. it means that for whatever reason, the writer has not successfully transitioned and explained said transition through the events outlined in the story. with the right prose, you could make me believe draco decided to take on a career as a ballerina dancer after the war, and it would still be ‘canon-compliant’ to me. on the other hand, i have read fics (i won’t name them because that would be shit and also i don’t keep track of my ‘bad’ reads) where harry, ginny, hermione, or ron all act according to book canon and yet, their motivations felt off to me and completely ooc because the writing didn’t successfully lure me in. specifically, there was a lack of character evolution that i found uninteresting. i read mostly post-war stuff because i want to see my characters grow up [6].

as a last, additional note on characters, i also think that the characters in a story only exist within the prism of how we view them. this means that to me, locking my own understanding of a character's personality as 'canon' is particularly difficult because my understanding of a character is unique. i believe there are as many harry-s or ginny-s or hermione-s as there are readers. so i think saying someone's interpretation of a character isn't canon-compliant is odd because i don't actually believe there's any wrong or right answer. as i said, do i believe it likely that draco would become a professional ballerina? no. but if that works within your understanding of his character as described in the books, who am i to say that is or isn't canon compliant? i'll admit, the idea makes me sort of lol though.

iii. tone

lastly, i’ve come to find (in potter particularly) that canon-compliance might include tone. as in: hp is a story that is a) written in a certain style and b) written for children/young adults.

regarding style at a), this is honestly the main reason why it took me 15 years to write potter fic, despite the fact that i’ve been a fan for even longer than that. i genuinely thought you had to write like jkr. and i, well, don’t write like jkr. i love the books, but i don’t even particularly like her style. i like: camus, and sorj chalandon, and sally rooney, and dirgewithoutmusic and copper_dust [7]. i have zero ambition to write like jkr and don’t particularly want to read stuff that is written like her stuff either. it’s a style that imo works for her, but it doesn’t work for me as written by other people. i don’t particularly think you need to stick to her style to be canon-compliant.

which brings me onto my actual point: b) hp is a story written for children. young adults perhaps, for the later books. it sometimes explores dark themes but the writing style, the tone, etc. is lighthearted enough that it appeals to a younger audience. there’s snogging but there’s no sex, there’s violence but the torture is mostly off-screen, etc. issues like sexual assault, substance abuse, etc. aren’t explicitely brought up in the books, although they would one hundred percent fit in a book about a war that wasn’t necessarily aimed at children. the question is whether this setting and tone is part of what we call ‘canon-compliance.’

honestly, i don’t know. i didn’t think so until it was brought up to me that castles might be a dark!au and i was like: maybe? like, if you want it to be? i know what i like to read in fanfic: i love the exploration of serious themes that were not explored in the books, or explored differently due to the fact that they were written for children. one thing i will say and insist on is that i don’t think castles is all dark. i actually make a point of having lighthearted moments in each and every chapter, even just a notch, because i am attached to the fact that life as a concept is a mixture of good and bad, and you could laugh at the funeral of someone you loved, again in the right circumstances. but yeah, to me the post-war world is dark. so if tone is part of canon-compliance, then yeah in that way castles (as well as most of the stuff i read, to be honest), is a dark!au.

as a last side note, i’m not sure what that means for my other, lighter stuff though. like are the wolf’s just a puppy [8] or slipped [9] more canon-compliant than castles? i never thought about it in those terms but perhaps? it really opens up a world of questions in my mind and i don’t really have the answers to them.

conclusion:

so in sum, as a reader, what i mean as ‘canon compliant’ is basically a) the events as described in the source material and b) the characterisation of characters as they are at the start of the fic. if character evolution is sufficiently justified and well-written in the following thousands of words that the fic has, then said characterisation can still be canon-compliant, even if the characters act different than they would have in the source material itself. i’m a fan of good writing and good writing can make me buy into literally anything. it takes me places that i've never been before and convinces me that those places are the ones i should be in.

as a writer, i hope that regardless of 'compliance,' whatever i write at least makes ‘sense’ to people within the universe, even if they don’t consider it canon-compliant, per se. i feel like i can’t really be the judge of that. from the discussions we had last night, i feel like there are as many versions of what is and isn't canon-compliant as there are people.

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[1] the changeling by annerb

[2] the boy with a scar series by dirgewithoutmusic

[3] we only make tsunamis by disOrdely

[4] castles by yours truly

[5] ‘til the sirens come calling by vexmybones

[6] as a side note and to take my own stuff as an another example, i totally agree that harry in castles isn’t harry in the books. i don’t think there’s much debate to be had in that assertion. i wrote him like this frankly because every other fic i’d read didn’t. they often had him sort of continue to be perfectly himself after the war, which i felt wasn’t speaking to me on a deeper level. imo, i think the war’s done a lot of scarring and the fic is about him growing into a new version of himself. so, to me, if i get a comment that says ‘i don’t think harry would act this way but i really love your writing’ it’s somewhat flattering but also confusing because i don’t really understand how one can enjoy the writing but not the characterisation. to me, they’re so intrinsically linked. what the comment tells me is: i think you did a very poor job at explaining character evolution and justifying character x’s [harry’s] choices but i still like your writing, somehow? i suppose that’s nice, but it doesn’t particularly compute in my brain. like, if the character feels off, it means the writing feels off and thus, why are you still reading? i appreciate all and every comment that i get but it doesn’t mean they always make sense in my own brain. if i’m honest, these comments often send me into an ocean of self-doubt about how shit my writing must be.

[7] copper_dust’s work and profile.

[8] the wolf’s just a puppy (and the door’s double locked), again by yours truly

[9] slipped (and said something sort of like your name), same.

[meetmeatthecoda]

I've seen so much Red hate post-finale I'm honestly shaken... not even by what people say but by the fact that the writers – Bokenkamp, I assume, in his last act of some kind of unexplainable vengeance – managed to fuck up one of the only characters that still stayed more or less canonical and likeable no matter what so much that there are people – and quite a lot of them – that actually hate him now.

I'm sorry. It's most certainly not something you'd like to see in your inbox, but I couldn't keep this inside of me any longer after seeing one more, long and detailed, post that was so drenched in Red hate it made me a little sick and you always listen to the rambles and rants of people who come into your inbox, so I thought I'd come here, too...

Anon!! ❤️ Firstly, let me say... I know exactly how you feel. Everyone is certainly entitled to their own opinions & people can respectfully disagree & have healthy discourse & still be friends, which is always the goal!! That being said, my blog has always been a pro-Red place & it continues to be after that horrid excuse for television. So, it shook me as well to see so many people vehemently hating Red, especially those people that weren't Red haters prior to the finale, which - as you so correctly say - is a testament to the damage that was done by that hasty, poorly planned, nonsensical, non-canonical, OOC piece of crap. Especially considering - again, as you so correctly say - how Red has pretty much always been the lovable, sympathetic anti-hero of this show. The fact that one (1) episode could so abruptly make people turn a complete 180 degrees to hating Red is... unbelievable. And sad. Because - & this is strictly my opinion on my blog which I will tag appropriately - Red was not completely & exclusively at fault for what happened in 8.22. (And while this statement implies that I accept or condone anything that happened in that episode, I certainly do not.) Yes, his long-term choices were ultimately the driving force behind Liz's actions BUT - as always - Liz is also responsible for her choices as an individual & she chose not to see reason or listen or trust Red when she had eight years worth of proof that she could. That, of course, is the result of poor characterization & inconsistent writing. Likewise, Red's weird, completely-out-of-left-field, YoU-mUsT-KiLL-mE-fOr-AnSwErS finale BULLSHIT - which is ultimately what turned so many audience members against him - is also the result of rushed, OOC writing. My opinion.

*ahem* After that entire rant (sorry about that, anon, you inspired me LOL) I want to address your second paragraph bc there's certainly no need to apologize for bringing this to my inbox!! (It's definitely better than Red hate itself, which I'm so glad I've never gotten LOL) I don't want you to have to hold all these negative feelings inside you... And I'm always happy to listen & respond to rambles & rants & I strive to make my inbox a safe space, so I'm so thrilled to know you felt you could come to me!! 🤗 If I may, I would recommend trying to stay away from those places where you know anti-Red content to be... I know you can't always predict that sort of thing, but I know it only makes me upset & angry to see such things & if it's making you sick, you have every right to protect yourself & stay away from that stuff!! I know that may seem obvious but... sometimes we all need reminding, myself included!! Tbh, it took me quite a few days after the finale to realize that it would really help my mental state to stay away from content that I know will upset me & that remains true today 😊

All that being said, thank you so much for bringing this to me, anon, I'm so glad you felt you could do so & rest assured that I definitely agree with you on all counts!! 🥰 Take care, come back anytime, & much love to you, my friend!! ❤️

[spruceoutoffive]

thanks @panto-x for tagging me :) and sorry for taking my sweet time with this haha

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

19

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

 24956

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Uh, I have two answers for this. Like, I have written fanfiction for many, many fandoms and currently I can’t even recall all of them, but most of that was when I was still writing in Finnish and posting under a different username and on a different website (wasn’t ever aware of AO3 at the time). But as I’m not willing to disclose that username I’m mostly just gonna keep talking about the fics I’ve posted on AO3 in these questions.

So, the 2nd answer is: I have only written Teen Wolf fics and then one TMNT fic for my friend, Cera’s, birthday. Got a few 9-1-1 wips in the works as well tho I haven’t finished anything yet

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Hidden in Plain Sight (574)

2. Yesterday’s Reasons (453)

3. Once in 2.7 Years (140)

4. Lupus et Vulpecula (117)

5. Tea, Cake or Breakfast? (104)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Uhh, probably Handle My Demons (A Piece of Cake). It’s a TMNT gift fic for my dear friend Cera and she is a fan of angst, so I actively tried to keep it on the angstier side. All my Teen Wolf fics are relatively angst free... i think.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I honestly don’t know. I think most of my fics have relatively happy or hopeful endings so it’s pretty hard to say which one of them is the happiest.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven’t written any but I kinda wanna do a SPN x TW crossover. Oh and my friend Cera and I have been talking about this TMNT x TW (x Superman) crossover idea but that’s also basically nothing but an idea atm. But if I do ever write it, I think it might end up being the craziest one

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I think I have finished one smut fic in my whole life and even that ended up disappearing from the world when my laptop died. I have some smutty fic ideas that I would like to get done but we’ll see if that ever happens.

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! Because I love getting comments, and whenever I leave comments I love it when the authors answer me, so I do that too.

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Uhh, no hate or then something very minor during my previous run as a fic writer.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven’t, although I have been talking about it with Cera. We’ll see if that ever happens.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

You can’t just ask me about my all time favorite! I go through phases, OK? And I’ve been in Sterek phase for like 2 and half years now so I’d currently say Sterek is my favorite. But before Teen Wolf I’ve had a few other big phases like SnK and Bleach, and currently 9-1-1 is also coming at me very strongly. So I don’t know if I have all time favorite but I do have a few ships that have held the throne for some time.

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

One of the first Teen Wolf fics I started. The wip is longer than anything else I’ve managed to write so far and I freaking love the name I came up for it but I haven’t touched it for many, many, many months now and I think the chances of me ever finishing the story are pretty slim.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’m not self-aware enough to answer this question.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Everything? I don’t know. Answer to the question 16 applies here as well.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’d say it depends.

Like, translating long lines with google translate and copy-pasting them to the story and then calling it a day is a pretty nope for me both as a reader and a writer. Short lines and sneaking the meaning of the words into the story itself so the reader can easily get to know what the characters are saying is something i’ve done with one fic in the past and that’s probably the only way I’d do it again.

Like, sure, I could also imagine writing something where I don’t give away the meaning of the foreign lines for the reader, if the character hearing them wasn’t supposed to understand them either. But then again, as a reader I’m not fan of reading long blocks of text that I can neither pronounce nor understand and I’d end up skipping them, so I wouldn’t really wanna have long foreign lines in my stories either.

Plus of course, there’s the thing that the only languages that I would be confident enough to write something more difficult than easy, common, everyday phrases are Finnish and English. And Finnish isn’t really a language I can imagine many of the characters in Teen Wolf or 9-1-1 knowing.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Fullmetal Alchemist (or Twilight. Actually, Twilight might be more accurate answer cause while the first fic I ever posted was FMA I had started some Twilight stories before that.)

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

This is a hard one. I can tell that Yesterday’s Reasons is high up there but I’m not sure if it’s actually my favorite. Do I have a favorite? They’re all my babies so it wouldn’t be fair to pick favorites, right? Tho, it’s pretty telling that out of all my fics that one is the only one I can name here...

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i’m tagging @tails89 @ilovepeachystuff @but-theres-wolves not sure if any of you have done this one yet and no pressure to do it. also, if someone wants to do it, feel free :)