#honestly mood. me trying to get around to playing video games for 16 hours.

[essektheylyss]

guess what I didn't do. guess what I didn't fucking get around to this weekend. my goddamn video game homework.

[h2bakugou]

Hey, Hey I was wondering if I could get some fluffiness with Izuku where he and his s/o are in the middle of some heated things but then she stops cuz she gets insecure and he sweetly and lovingly comforts her?

a/n: hi hi! of course!! i need to write more for izuku!! i love him- if anyone has any links to cute deku plushies i would like to purchase one

summary: in the midst of a pretty nice makeout session with your boyfriend deku, a spell of insecurity hits you and you begin to feel self-conscious.

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: swearing, fluff, some angst, mentions of insecurities, 16+ (no smut just some mild spice-making out and shit idk what to tag this dkjgkdgk)

word count: 1.2k

;cut for length;

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A gentle breeze blew the storm cloud’s raindrops against Midoriya’s balcony door, the pitter-patter of the droplets hitting against the glass only fueled the peaceful mood that was heightened by a forest-scented candle burning away while you laid beside him.

The pleasant atmosphere was calming as you stroked two fingers down Midoriya’s chest, your index and middle finger tracing the outline of the logo on his shirt.

“I’m really happy you were able to make it here, I know training was tiring.” Deku commented quietly. Training had been intense, but you’d lucked out with it ending early due to the storm.

You’d planned on napping afterward, but Deku had asked you to come to his dorm after cleaning up and showering. And honestly, if you didn’t do anything soon you were going to nap on him.

“I hope that storm doesn’t get too nasty, as much as I’d like a few days off, I think we could use a little extra training.” You giggle, lifting your head off of his arm to look at him.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” You smile, bringing your index finger up to tap the tip of his nose. Deku’s cheeks turn pink as he smiles, shaking his head.

“I think you’re way prettier. But maybe I’ve got some good looks.” Deku teases, sitting up. He ushers for you to sit on his lap. You hesitate, swallowing a lump of nerves before slowly bringing yourself onto his lap.

“God, look at you.” Deku paused, staring at you in admiration, lifting a hand to cup your face as he pulled it down toward him. He traced his fingers around your cheeks and down to your chin, lifting your face as he leaned in.

Pressing his lips to yours, he kissed you passionately, only stopping for air in between. 

Guiding you back down with a hand pressed to your back, you were hesitant to relax as he laid back down, your body now laying more on top of him as you struggled to keep your lips on his while you leaned down yourself.

Deku’s lips traveled much like his hands, finding new places to hold or touch you. From your back to your hips, your lips to your neck, Deku was exploring as much as he could of you, all within your say-so. 

Though you didn’t stop him, he knew if you were uncomfortable you would let him know.

You were both far too inexperienced to be doing anything more than hand-holding, but kissing felt so nice, especially like this. 

The aroma from the candle burning on his dresser, to the sound of rain drowning out any noise coming from the dorms beside you, it felt like a cozy spring day.

As Deku pulled away to take in another breath, he stopped to stare up at you. His wide green eyes softened as he lifted a hand to stroke your cheek.

“I love you.” Izuku murmured, moving his hand back around behind your neck, forcing you down on his lips again. This kiss was needy, desperate, but loving and kind. It was soft and gentle like Deku, but there was a longing behind it.

As you kissed him, something came over you. Feeling insecure suddenly, you pull away and pause, glancing down at Deku’s chest as you catch your breath.

At first, Deku thinks you’re just catching your breath, but as you move your fingers up to your lips, you begin to rub your bottom lip nervously.

“Is everything alright?” Deku asks quietly. You nod quickly, trying to disguise your insecurity as just needing a moment of air. But Deku knows you better than that.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s going on, but please don’t try and hide it, I know something’s up. You do that thing with your lip whenever you feel...insecure.” Izuku sits up, his arms wrapping around your waist to hold you in his lap as he readjusts to look at your face.

You shake your head in amazement at his attention to detail.

“I’m sorry, I just, feel weird. I don’t...know why. Part of me just feels like you deserve so much better, I’m so-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. I know more than anyone that it’s false. You are beautiful, even when you don’t feel like it.” Deku smiles, hugging you close to him.

“Was I going too far? We can stop if you’d like.” Deku is quick to ask if everything is okay. He’s beginning to feel bad, as if he’s pressured you to do something you weren’t at all ready to do.

“No, no. I really liked it. I just feel like I’m terrible at kissing and like I’m just no good for you or-”

Deku pressed his index finger to your lips, silencing you as you stared at him.

“I know insecurities can be scary, they’re hard to read and they make you feel really icky, but it’s okay. You were doing a great job.” Deku teases, his cheeks bright red as he lifts his hand to rub your cheek again. 

You lean into his touch, your nerves and anxiety finally simmering away as his thumbs strokes your cheek. You close your eyes and smile, a small sigh heaves from your chest, your shoulders relaxing at the soothing feeling.

“Just take a few breaths, just like that.” Deku leans his head on your shoulder, pressing his lips against your peeking skin, the collar of his oversized shirt falling down your arm.

“In and out, good, good girl.” Deku instructs you, his words making your heart flutter. You can feel the heat of his cheeks press against your skin as he tries to hide his fluster.

“I can feel you smiling.” You tease, finally opening your eyes as you glance at him.

“Can I kiss you again?” Izuku moves so you can see him clearly. You nod, but Deku doesn’t budge.

“Yes.” You say softly. On your mark, he leans in and presses his lips to yours, kissing you lightly. This kiss is soft, calming, and reassuring. 

Deku’s hands rub up and down your arms before moving to rub your back. You fidget with your hands before wrapping them around his waist, hugging him as you lean into the kiss.

Deku pulls away only to press his forehead to yours.

“I love you, all of you, all of your quirks and flaws, all of it. You’re beautiful, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Deku’s words were more than enough to make your heartbeat quicker. Leaning into him, you moved your head to rest in the crook of his neck. 

Pressing a little kiss to his neck, you moved your head to rest on his shoulder.

“I love you.” You whisper, hugging him. Deku hugged you back, resting his head on your shoulder, embracing you warmly.

“I love you more.” Deku smiled, pulling back to kiss your cheek before returning.

The embrace lasted for a while, until you were ready to kiss him again, and then you spent a good few hours just lazily laying and making out while talking about little things in between here and there.

But when Kaminari came banging on Deku’s door, asking when he’d be down to play video games in the common room for a bit, you decided it was probably best to go eat some dinner and get started on homework.

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masterlist

[jesshq]

disney villain and henchmen randomness:

made this for @slashingdisneypasta

all of these are random things I thought the villains and henchmen would be like, I hope you like them

also I censored cussing that was text, but if you go to the video links there will be cussing so be warned, also if you watch the video’s imagine the Disney villain or henchmen are those people in the videos:

1.

Panic, kronk, lefou, Reuben, Kaa, Joanna, and fidget: “eating a cinnamon bun each”

 The other henchmen: cannibalism/cannibals…

Panic, kronk, lefou, Reuben, Kaa, Joanna, and fidget: ? “Heard that and don’t get it why their being called cannibals”

(they are cinnamon rolls and must be protected)

2.

Diablo: you insufferable, reprehensible, deplorable, vermin

Goon 1 (the pig like one): wha?

Goon 2 (bird like one): it’s aristocratic talk for “f$#% off dips$#%$”

3.

Horus: you’re full of s$#%.

Iago: my overall personality or my dishonesty?

4.

Banzai:  ED! Don’t run with sharp rocks!

Banzai: “hands Ed a sharp bone” try this

(This one had scissors and a butterfly knife but the hyenas are from the pridelands so sharp rocks and bones seem more accurate)

5.

[in a argument]

Pain: f$%# you

Pegasus: “in a horse which the imps can understand” later, now listen here you little shit…

(I ship pain x Pegasus ok….pain even admits he loves Pegasus in the movie 2when Pegasus was beating him and panic up)

6.

Kronk: “making spinach puffs and freezing” my sad friend senses are tingling…

“Cut showing a crying Anastasia”

Kronk: “runs for her startling her” ahhhhh!!!!

Anastasia: aaahhhh!?!?!?!

kronk: “hugs her” no cry friend

Anastasia: “giggles and wipes tears from her eyes”

7.

(Look up animated a grump: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaV8NeT0fnY&t=835s and imagine pain and panic as arin and Iago or flotsam and jetsam as Danny, and a random henchmen as Ross)

8.

(Another game grumps thing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xrS5NEBKjU  )

“Ursula, and jafar and hades playing a glitchy game”

Ursula: now look how silly this is “flying around”

Hades: you have to….”character gets stuck”

Jafar and Ursula: oh...ooohhhhh “hades gets up and leaves glowing red” heheheh

Jafar: hades don’t leave hehehehe “hades closes the door”

Ursula: HAAAAADEEEEEES I LOVE YOU~ “trying to get the characters free”

hades: NO IM F%&$ING DONE!! IM F%&$ING DONE!!

Jafar: “losing his s&$t laughing” no your not

Hades: this is bulls&$#

Ursula: hades! “Laughing at hades rage too”

Hades: look at this bull#$& man

Jafar: hades! “Laughing more”

Hades: you gotta draw a line in the sand!

Ursula: hades “laughing more”

Hades: you have to draw a line in the f#$%ing sand guys!!

Ursula and jafar: “laughing so hard” 

Hades: you have to make a statement!!!

Hades: “as Ursula and Jafar laugh harder” you gotta look inside yourself and say ‘what am I willing to put up with today?’ NOT F*&%ing THIS!!! “Flames up and points to the tv screen”

Ursula: “gets the character free” IM FREE I BELIEVE I CAN FLY

9.

(Listen to grump it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9gRg3_A-RM  thinking of Disney villains and henchmen raging at a game)

10.

Scar: “to facilier” what do you wanna eat?

Friends from the other side: the souls of the innocent~

Facilier and shadow (facilier’s shadow): a bagel 

Friends from the other side: NO!

Facilier and shadow: 2 bagels

11.

Kaa and shere khan, cruella de vil, Horus and jasper: “to hades and pain and panic, scar and the hyenas” did you know you can’t say bubbles angry 

Hades and pain and panic, scar and the hyena: really?

“Later”

Maleficent: does anyone know why hades, scar and their henchmen are on the roof trying to angrily yell/screaming bubbles on the roof

Kaa and shere khan, cruella de vil, Horus and jasper: “choke on their drink/food in laughter”

12.

Iago and jafar: “notice hades and the imps over working” what are you doing?

Hades and the imps: working

Jafar and Iago: you guys should rest, look at your hands “gestures to hades and the imps cramping hands from signing scrolls”

Hades and the imps: we’re ok just let’s us-

Jafar and Iago: “pouting” 

Hades and the imps: what’s that look for?

Jafar and Iago: “grabs their friends and tries to drag them off their chairs but fails” GO REST

scar and the hyenas: “see this and join in trying to pester hades and the imps into taking a break” you can work later

Jafar and Iago: “leave to Ursula and the eels room where hook and mr smee are” Ursula, flotsam and jetsam, mr smee and hook. Hades and the imps are overworking themselves again…

Ursula and the eels: excuse?!?...

Mr smee and hook: what?!?...

“Little later”

Ursula and eels: “coiled around hades and the imps with coils and tentacles and drags them off their chairs by their desks” HADES! PAIN AND PANIC! REST!

Hades and the imps: “unholy screeching and complaints as their dragged to their room”

Hook and mr smee: “follow to help Ursula and the eels”

Facilier and shadow (insert other villains and henchmen):  “coming back from the store and see Ursula and the eels dragging hades and the imps to their room, with hook and smee following” f$#% this s#$& we’re out “leaves”

(hades and the imps are workaholics)

13.

Frollo: “minding his own business when hades, facilier, shadow and the imps tap him from behind and he turns around ” OOOOOH MY F&#$ING GOD!, IT'S A DEMON/WITCHCRAFT SPAWN!! JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE F$#&!!! OH MY F$#%ING GOD! F%&#ING DEMON/WITCHCRAFT SPAWNS! JESUS CHRIST “falls on his knees” WHAT THE F$#$#$#$#$#&!!!

Hades and facilier: “losing their s#$& laughing”

Pain and panic and shadow: “as well laughing hard”

14.

Hades: “holding pain and panic and his third imp neurosis (actually a canon thing in the animated series)” these are my sons you can’t have them... good day sir

“Person tries to touch the imps”

Hades: “flares up and holds the imps tighter” I SAID GOOD DAY SIR! “leaves with the imps”

15.

“The villains and henchmen are out in a mall and missing hades, jafar and Ursula as well as their henchmen in the crowd”

Mr smee and hook: oh dear we’re missing some of us

Shadow and facilier: oh don’t worry

Gaston and lefou: no one can find allies like Gaston and lefou

Facilier, Gaston, lefou and shadow: “takes a deep breaths and yell” HADES, JAFAR AND URSULA ARE THE WEAKEST AND IDIOTS OF THE DISNEY VILLAINS / PAIN AND PANIC, FLOTSAM AND JETSAM AND IAGO ARE THE WEAKEST AND DUMBEST OF THE HENCHMEN!!!!

“A giant snake and angry squawks, electric zaps along with a women yell, and three fire flare ups of teal, red, and pink appear in the crowd each followed by angry cursing and more”

Gaston and lefou, shadow and facilier: found them ^^~

All the other villains and henchmen: oh boy/dear/dang it

16.

(vanossgaming team 6 animated prank part: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CguHTxrMQ0A  (imagine the henchmen as human like with animal/creature parts example iago looks like a harpy): with vanoss being iago, wildkat being banzi, basically as shadow, delirious being flotsam and jetsam, terroriser being pain and panic (due to their immortal state XD) and nogla being a ‘I don’t know what’s going on’ kronk )

17.

Hades: BOYS!!!!

Pain and Panic: WHATEVER IT WAS WE DIDN'T DO IT!!!

Hades: “realizes the thing he was looking for and thought the imps stole it was on his desk the whole time” oh...NEVER MIND 

18.

(before I do this one I need to explain, my headcanon that the disney characters have ‘worlds’ they live in with their movies era example: hercules characters live in ‘ancient’ greece in their ‘world’ but have some modern day things made using magical things (like TV, indoor plumbing, magic like phones) added to their ‘worlds’ but hercules, aladdin and little mermaid characters are share the same ‘world’ as in the hercules animated series: ursula appears in the episode hercules and the bacchanal, and then there's hercules and the arbian night where hades and jafar team up)

Maleficent: “thinking with ursula” so are you and hades related and you, him and jafar are from the same world  ooorrrr….

Ursula: I honestly don’t know…. I know we live in the same ‘world’ but… “thinking too” my father is Hades and Zeus’s brother if i'm right.....

19. 

Pain and Panic, Iago and Shadow and Flotsam and Jetsam: “flying/swimming round around hyper as all hell” WOOOOOOOO

Faciler and Jafar: “groans as they watch their henchmen on sugar high”

Hades: ok who’s the wise guy who gave them sugar…. “Tired/angry dad mood activated”

Kronk: I did...they wanted to test some sweets for me…”thinks he’s going to get in trouble”

Ursula: oh well then that's ok then Kronk you didn’t know, that they get sugar high

Jafar: I'm not dealing with the crash thou.. Uh where did they go?

Frollo: “in a different room” *HIGH PITCH GIRLISH SCREAM* THE DEMONS HAVE GONE CRAZY!!!

Hades: found them~.. “Smiles evil like” let’s leave them with him~

20.

Hades: “passed out on the couch with pain and panic asleep on him” zzzz

Jafar: “peeks over holding a marker with Iago”

gaston: “peeks over too with lefou with makeup”

“3 hours later”

Hades: “wakes up and along with the imps and they don’t notice what their friends did, and head to the kitchen”

Ursula and the eels: “see hades and the imps and choke on their cups of coffee”

Maleficent: “giggles seeing hades” good morning sexy~ 

Diablo: you girls sleep well?~ “trying not to laugh”

Hades and pain and panic: “tilt their heads” what do you mean?

“They notice their reflection in Ursula and the eels’s tank/movable water, and they see they have makeup on and writing/doodles on their faces”

Hades: oh for the love of…”glowing red”

Pain and panic: oh our gods… “eyes change”

Hades: JAFAR!!! GASTON!!! “Flares up”

Both imps: IAGO!!! LEFOU!!! “Follow their boss/’dad’ “

“Later outside shows Jafar and Gaston running from a red flamed Hades, and Iago and Lefou and running from two shapeshifted into beasts imps”

Jafar, Gaston, Iago and Lefou: WORTH IT XD

“Inside watching the chase” 

Faciler: should we tell them me and Shadow took photos of Hades and the imps and posted it online?

Hook: who’s computer did ya use? 

Shadow: “as he records the chase going on outside” cruella’s and Horus and Jaspers’s too 

Mr. smee: I guess it’s good they’re out of town then….

Yzma: me and Kronk made popcorn who wants!~

Scar: and the other villains and henchmen are placing bets: are they going to escape the wrath of the lord of the underworld and the embodiments of pain and panic? or will Hades and the imps give up?

“All the villains and henchmen inside are eating popcorn and watching the chase go on”

[firefly464]

The Real World - Chapter 12

Alright chapter 12 lets goooo. Another slightly slower chapter, but I promise that its gonna be picking up real soon. Also Pami wrote the irl bit because shes the coolest and I love her :D

Made in collaboration with @i-have-this-now​ Thank you to @rivys​ for beta reading and editing!

Master Post

First - Previous - Next

~~~

Dream stared at his friend, confusion and worry filling his mind. The teenager had been staring into space for the past minute or so, not responding to either him or Tubbo. Dream hadn’t been too concerned, until he noticed that Tommy was crying.Tears were streaking down Tommy’s face, forging a path on his cheeks. His expression was filled with a mixture of hope and fear, his eyes glazed over, like he was listening to something that no one else could hear. 

“Tommy? Hellooo? You ok?” Dream asked, waving a hand in front of his face. No response. He glanced over at Tubbo, trying to see if he had any ideas. Instead, when Dream made eye contact with him, Tubbo flinched and sank back into his seat, as if trying to disappear. Right. Of course Tubbo was scared of him. Everyone was scared of him. 

“You know I’m not going to hurt you, right?” He asked, trying to lighten the mood.

The younger brunette stared at him in fear, unsure of how he was supposed to respond. If Dream had said those same words to him a month ago, he would have ran, no questions asked. Now though, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t know this man, had no idea what he was like. All he had to go off of was what Tommy had said. 

His eyes darted over towards his spaced out friend. “What did you do to him?” He asked, struggling to keep the tremor out of his voice. He had only stood up to Dream once, and it had resulted in him nearly losing his arm. Slowly, as to not draw attention to himself, he moved his hand to the hilt of his sword. If this went south, then he sure as hell needed to be ready to defend himself. 

“Nothing! I didn’t do anything, I promise” Dream dropped the bow and put his hands up in an attempt to show he meant no harm. He understood why Tubbo was so scared of him, but that didn’t change the fact that it stung. How could it not? Someone who he had thought of as a friend was now trembling before him in fear. 

“Look, I don’t know what you’re playing at, but if you hurt Tommy in any way I will not hesitate to run you through.” Tubbo’s voice shook with fear, despite his best attempts at keeping it steady. 

Seeing the young teenager like this, Dream couldn’t help but be filled with pity and sadness. He was only 16, still just a kid. He should have been worried about homework, or some other small problem. He shouldn’t be stressing over whether or not he was going to live through the day, or who was going to try and hurt him next. It just wasn’t right.

Dream nodded, his hands still raised.“I promise, Tubbo, I didn’t do anything, and I don’t plan on hurting either of you.”

“Tubbo…” A soft voice startled them both. Tommy was now staring at the fallen bow, the tears freely flowing. 

Tubbo’s attention was instantly drawn to his best friend, his eyes filled with overwhelming concern. “Hey man, you ok?” 

Tommy looked up at his friend. A pang of homesickness shot through him. Everything about the boy next to him felt… wrong. He knew that it was still Tubbo, but that didn’t change the fact that it didn’t seem right. He was too tense, too nervous. It was as if at any moment, he could be attacked. It was so different from the laid back attitude of his Tubbo. The one that got excited over the smallest things. The one who casually went around killing people in game for no real reason. Tommy couldn’t help but miss the energetic and fun loving Tubbo from his own world. Still, he was still his friend. 

Without hesitation, Tommy reached over to give his friend a hug. The tears continued to flow as the words of the message replayed in his mind. ‘I swear, we’re gonna figure something out and get you guys out of there. I promise.’ It wasn’t much to go off of, but goddammit what did he have to lose? 

Tubbo couldn’t help but flinch at the sudden hug. “Hey, is everything alright?” 

“Sorry, sorry” Tommy quickly said, backing up and giving his friend space. He frantically wiped the tears off his face and tried to compose himself. “Yeah, I’m good.” “What the hell was that? You just zoned out, are you sure you’re ok?” Dream asked. 

“I uh, I think I just got a message from Tubbo. Our Tubbo,” he made sure to clarify. “Apparently he’s been working with Wilbur and the other Tommy to try and bring us home…” 

Dream felt his jaw drop. “Wait, really?! You’re kidding!” 

“I swear to you that I am not joking. Trust me, I want to go home as much as you do.”

“How?! What did he say? What do we do?” 

“There’s- There’s a console. Apparently it's like the server console back home, but it's an actual physical computer here. According to Tubbo it has the ability to do some really weird shit.” 

“Like run regular commands?” 

“Yeah, pretty much. Damn, imagine what kinda fucked up shit you could do with that kinda thing…” 

“Uh huh, imagine what kind of fucked up shit this other Dream already did with that thing.” 

“Fuck, you’re right.” 

“So how exactly does this help us get home?” 

“Right, right. I guess that the other Dream figured out how to swap people’s souls across dimensions or something with it.”

Dream’s face lit up as he made the connection. “We could do it too! We could use the command to swap us back and put everything back to normal!” A rush of excitement filled him. Finally, finally they had some direction. They actually had a goal, something to work towards. They had hope. “Where is it? Where can we find it?” 

“See, that's the problem. Actually, there's two problems. One, we don’t know the command. Tubbo was thinking if we could make it to the console, we might be able to communicate with them and figure something out.”

“Wait, what? How would that even work?” 

Tommy shrugged. “I’m not sure. I’m honestly just hoping that Tubbo knows what he’s doing.”

“Riiight. So what's the other problem?” 

Tommy took a deep breath and tried to find something, anything else to look at. He didn’t want to look Dream or Tubbo in the eyes when he told them the truth. Eventually, his eyes rested on the white, porcelain mask that hung on the wall. The simple smile seemed to bore into his very soul, taunting him in a way. He looked away. “The computer is super far away. Apparently it takes a couple days to reach on foot.” 

“Ok? And?” 

“According to the other Tommy, the other Dream is going to delete the server in a little less than 48 hours, which would most likely result in every single one of us dying a very painful death.” 

Dream let out a low whistle. “Right. So you’re telling me that we have to go and find this super powerful computer that's really far away, try to come up with a plan, and figure out what the right command is within the next 48 hours, or the world will be deleted and we all die.” 

“Yeah pretty much.” 

“Right. Ok, no pressure.” he ran a hand through his hair, already trying to figure out what the best course of action was. “Where exactly is the console?” 

“He said it’s in this room made out of bedrock in the middle of a dark forest, almost directly east of us.”

Dream nodded. “Got it. Tommy, go let George know what's going on. See if he wants to join us. It’d probably be smart to have someone who actually knows what they’re doing with us. I’m going to get together some supplies.” 

“Got it. Tubbo, do you wanna come with us?” Tommy asked, startling the brunette. 

He had been deep in thought, trying to keep up with the conversation. He was confused, but he also didn’t want to ask any questions and risk angering Dream. He shook his head. “I’m good. You guys uh, you’ll need someone to cover for you, right? I can tell Wilbur what's going on…” He was lying, of course. He just didn’t want to spend any more time around Dream. Sure, Tommy trusted him, but that didn’t change the fact that just looking at the man brought back painful memories. 

“Ok, that's probably smart. Make sure he knows that the other Tommy is safe, ok? He’s going to be coming home soon.” 

A slight smile crossed Tubbo’s face. “Alright. I can do that. I’ll uh, I’ll see you guys later then.” He rushed out of the base, running towards L’manberg. 

Dream and Tommy were silent, neither of them mentioning the obvious. If all went according to plan, then they would never see this version of Tubbo again. 

~~~

“Florida?!” Tubbo cried, flabbergasted. “We’re going to Florida? That’s like a 9 hour flight!” All this SMP stuff was making his head spin. First, it was just Tommy and Dream’s disappearance, then it escalated to something much, much worse. His friends’ lives were at stake if they didn’t do anything. He honestly didn’t want to believe Tommy, but something told him that what he’s saying is true.

“Look, I’m used to taking on my problems in person. I can’t just sit in front of this thing- whatever weird gadget this is- and do nothing! We have to go there!” Tommy explained.

“Tommy, what will you tell everyone else? What will you tell your parents? You can’t just prance up to them and go ‘hello dearest parents! As it turns out, I’m not your son, but I’m him from another dimension! Y’know how he plays that video game? It’s that dimension! Anyways, I’m off to Florida to go do a murder! I’ll be home before dinner!’ How do you think that’s gonna go down?” Wilbur said.

“Will, I know what I’m doing! This psychopath is gonna try to kill my friends. I need to save them.” Tommy told them desperately. “If we reach him, we can get to his computer and I can go home!”

“We don’t even know where he lives, Tommy!” Wilbur retaliated. 

“Well, I might.” Tubbo said, nonchalantly.

Wilbur blinked. “You what? You’re not going to hack him, Tubbo-” 

“He isn’t our Dream, Will. This is probably the only chance we have to do this! Lives are at stake!”

“But there’s laws--” Wilbur sighed, pulling on his face in resignation. He still had trouble believing in this. Dimension travel? Souls? A few days ago he’d say they never existed. But, now… “Okay, fine. I can get us three to Florida. Earliest flight I can get us will be at about five-in-the-morning. We find Dream and we…” Wilbur trailed off.

“Kill him.” Tommy gritted out.

“NO!” Wilbur and Tubbo shouted.

“Tommy, we are not going to kill him. We need our Dream and Tommy to come back and send both of you back. If you kill him-” Wilbur explained.

“Okay, fine,” Tommy sighed, cutting off whatever it was Wilbur was about to say. “We won’t kill him. We just need to hold him long enough for him to tell us the command.”

“And what if he refuses to tell us?” 

“Then we make him tell us.” 

~~~

Master Post

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[sharkinlovewithadolphin]

Tag game

Tagged by @died-by-the-scimitar thank you!! :D 1. what is the color of your hairbrush? shaft is made of bamboo wood, the brushes themselves are black

2. name a food you never eat: uhhhh idk, I’m quite picky, especially with the texture of food, so if the texture is gross and it’s too big to not chew in, i will usually try to avoid eating it. 

3. what were you doing 45 mins ago? watching an old try guys video

4. what’s your favorite candy bar? I don’t really have any

5. have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yes, a football game when I was 9, and I hated every second of it lol. I really want to go watch a handball game, though. 

6. what is the last thing you said out loud? “Nå” (means like.. “well then” ish) 

7. what is your favorite ice cream? chocolate, vanilla, caramel 

8. what was the last thing you had to drink? water

9. do you like your wallet? no

10. what is the last thing you ate? An ice cream 

11. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no

12. what’s the last sporting event you watched? I mean my mom watches the eurogames in football right now, so every now and then I watch like 1 or 2 minutes when I pass the living room, but the last game i sat down and actually watched was men’s handball earlier this year. 

13. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? just... salty? lol

14. who is the last person you sent a text message to? a friend a few hours ago, telling her i would start charging her after she wrote that she lived rent free in my head 

15. ever been camping? nope. I think I want to try it though

16. do you take vitamins? no, but I should (especially d-vitamins, considering how low my numbers have been since.. always), I got them lying around and everything but I sort of just don’t take them 

17. do you regularly attend a place of worship? no

18. do you have a tan? nope

19. do you prefer Chinese or pizza? it really depends on my mood honestly, either is usually neat

20. do you drink your soda through a straw? no, i don’t drink soda and i don’t use straws 

21. what color socks do you usually wear? black or white, but i also have some pastel colored and fruit motive ones 

22. do you ever drive above the speed limit? not intentionally lol, but i do catch myself accidently driving a little too fast (usually never more than 5-15 km/h above, and i always slow down once i notice).

23. what terrifies you? life. failure. the future. death of my dog. being stuck unable to reach goals

24. look to your left, what do you see? The side of my closet that’s covered in fandom and art postcards from redbubble 

25. what chore do you hate most? dishes, changing the sheets, cleaning the bathroom, taking out the trash

26. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? g’day mate + harurinralia 

27. what’s your favorite soda? i don’t drink sodas anymore, but if i should it’s usually a wannabe cola or something citrus fruity ish

28. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? I don’t go to fast food places, but if i did i would go in

29. what’s your favorite number? 4

30. who’s the last person you talked to? my mom

31. favorite cut of beef? i don’t eat beef often, and i’m not sure what this even means lol 

32. last song you listened to? Lewis Capaldi - Don’t Get Me Wrong 

33. last book you read? Reading tipping the velvet right now, last book I finished was Romeo and Juliet I think

34. favorite day of the week? Also saturday

35. can you say the alphabet backwards? no

36. how do you like your coffee? I don’t like coffee, the smell on its own is.. nope

37. favorite pair of shoes? Don’t have a favorite. I used to love my black converses, but my feet are more happy with my current sketchers. 

38. time you normally get up? usually never before 7 (after school turned virtual for most of my last semester and i also stopped having morning shifts at work), and lately not before 9 

39. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? i love both, but i think i prefer sunsets, just ‘cause they’re easier to catch and (as you said, Fra) more colorful in terms of purple and pink etc.  

40. how many blankets on your bed? one and my duvet, but I have 2 blankets across my bedframe since its made of metal and my bed is up against the always-cold wall towards our apartment stairs. 

41. describe your kitchen very typical early 2000s danish style, hasn’t been updated in 20 years (except for my mom painting the walls a pastel pink), but not like in an outdated-ugly way i think

42. describe your kitchen at the moment. some papers on the table, bread (packaged), and my mom’s figures and stones collecting dust

43. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? I don’t drink alcohol either eeeeyh

44. do you play cards? no, but I used to love it when I was a kid, mainly go fish

45. what color is your car? I don’t have one, but my mom’s is silver

46. can you change a tire? I’ve never tried it, but I think I got the idea and might be able to should I ever need to. My mom’s husband usually changes them on her car. 

47. your favorite state? I’m not american, never set foot near america, BUT i think i like alaska, west virginia, and such, just for the environment (as seen through pictures)

48. favorite job you’ve had? I quite liked cleaning at private homes (of people I knew), which I’ve done a few times before. I work at a store right now (and have been for 3 years), though that is far from something I want to continue, to put it lightly. I got a job as a mentor (helping kids with homework and such), but I’ve yet to get any mentees, so I still can’t quite say much about it :/   Tagging: @hamykia @dandelionmeadow @nenufair @pilarsalazr @spacewitchqueen @happensweet @scimitar-and-longsword @ladyzeia @nicolosfaith 

[kianakrystlewrites]

My Writing Journey

Hello my darlings ♡ Welcome to my blog! If you’ve found your way here, thank you so much for following me on my writing journey. It means the world to have you engage with me as I pave my way to publication. This post is something I’ve been wanting to write forever now, and I’m so delighted to share it with you. I believe when you reach a certain point during whatever path you’re on, it’s important to reflect on what brought you to where you are. For me, I am currently querying my first novel, LOVE LETTERS TO THE SEA (which will have its own blog post very soon). It has been such a challenging and reflective time for me, filled with mixed emotions and uncertainty. Regardless of the “bad days” when I am met with rejection after rejection, I am still so proud of myself for making it to this point. And believe it or not, there are “good days” too (like landing a spot on the Top 25 Pitches list for PitMad, and receiving full requests from agents I’m really excited about). And in those moments of success and fulfillment, I am always reminded of what started it all. 

Like most writers, I’ve always loved English. There’s no need to get into that. But unlike a lot of writers, I fell in love with language before I fell in love with storytelling. I think what triggered my love for the sound of words was getting my heart broken . . . by my first love, by my family, by my friends at the time. Literature, lyrics, prose . . . those were the only things that made me feel whole.  When I had nothing, I found comfort in how words fell off the tongue like honey and wine. It was like a secret language that only I could hear, which evoked a euphoria unlike anything else. When I’d read books like Romeo & Juliet or The Great Gatsby, I could feel myself turn pink with a warm glow. The prose from those stories struck me like a cord. It brought me to life. But there was one writer who shaped me above the rest, and she wasn’t even an author. She was a musician. 

Lana Del Rey. 

Do I even have to say more?

I fell in love with Lana unlike any boy I’d loved before. Her lyrics seemed to understand me in a way no one else did, and I resonated with her as if she were my best friend. I think my true awakening was listening to her music (her song Video Games saved my life during my darkest hours). It was enchanting. Her music told stories, and I’d paint them in my mind. I’d imagine myself as the main character of her songs, and daydream about my downfall in a poetic, romantic way. It all seems very melodramatic now, but she is the main reason I decided I wanted to be a writer. 

I started with writing poetry, getting in touch with language and rhythm, familiarizing myself with how different words sounded next to each other. I think the biggest reason my prose is so lyrical now is because I was a poet before I was a fiction writer. But I didn’t want to just write poetry. I wanted to be an artist. I wanted be be like Lana. Her music wasn’t just music in my eyes. It was an aesthetic, a feeling, something so perfectly her that no one else could imitate it. Not even me. 

I fell in love with fairytales next. I vividly recall one sunny afternoon with my best friend Sydney.  We had spent the day at the beach, and when we came home, she read me fairytales on her bedroom floor. I remember wanting to escape, wanting to live in a dark and beautiful world where I was an enchantress and no one could hurt me. But I also fell in love with the lighter stories too. I wanted to be a princess. I still do. I wanted sweet days and sunshine and a prince charming who wouldn’t break my heart. Sometimes I would even think to myself . . . what if I’m supposed to be a princess on another planet?

Honestly, that was the first seed for LOVE LETTERS TO THE SEA. 

More thoughts came soon after: 

. . . What if my true love is already dead and he’s waiting for me on the other side? The side where I’m a princess! And on that other side, I’d be mind numbingly gorgeous! . . .

. . . Or, what if my true love has been dead for years and years, and only visits me as my guardian angel! We could never be together if that’s the case though . . . now could we? And that’s why I’m *doomed* to be single forever!!! . . .

But in the back of my mind, I always thought that idea was quite romantic. A guardian angel watching over me, in love with me. That’s why he never lets anything bad ever happen to me. He’s someone to protect me, someone to shield me from all the darkness I’ve been battling. 

And then came the dreams. 

I had a series of dreams every day for a week straight. It was always the same thing. I’d be drowning. I could feel myself dying, struggling to breathe. For some reason, the water was always beautiful, and I was strangely aware of that even while I was suffering. But then, this handsome man would reach down and save me, pulling me towards the surface. However, when we’d brake the water, I’d be in a different world. My dream world! The world where I was a princess, and I was beautiful! But most importantly . . . the world where I was reunited with my guardian angel. 

I knew I had to write this story. I had to! Only . . . I didn’t know how. I wasn’t ready. It was one of those concepts that felt too big to pull off in the way I imagined it. But I also knew that this was the story of my heart. It was rooted in my traumas, something beautiful birthed by all my darkness. Only, I was 16. I hadn’t learned how to properly feel all the things I felt. I didn’t understand it, I didn’t understand me. But I knew I wanted to write about this beautiful girl from my dreams, filled with emotion and chaos and . . . love. At the end of the day, she was always filled with love. 

I wasn’t bold enough to write the story of my dreams. And so . . . I daydreamed about it instead. I fell in love with the aesthetic of the story. I imagined the world first. I imagined her beauty. . . all of her dresses . . . her handsome guardian angel. I became obsessed with my main tumblr @bambi-la-bella  ♡ I wanted to live in the images I collected. I created mood boards. I imagined worlds within those photographs. I dreamt of her adventures. I created scenarios in my head.

My writing has always been vivid and cinematic. I have Tumblr to thank for that. I always knew my aesthetic was meaningful in some sort of way, and I wanted my art to reflect it through and through. Present day, I’m building a whole brand surrounding my aesthetic, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

At the time, I still never felt like I could be a writer. Not the kind of writer I wanted to be. I didn’t think I could create fantasy or fairytales. I did try my hand at storytelling though. But I never touched LOVE LETTERS TO THE SEA. I would always write these shitty John Green inspired contemporaries about manic pixie dream girls and runaway teens who’d road trip across the world, escaping their problems instead of confronting them. I’d write about girls like Effy Stonem and Alaska Young, who were broken and beautiful, but not in the way my dream girl was . . . unlike her, they were missing one thing. They weren’t filled with love. I didn’t know how to channel it. I didn’t know how to love myself. All I knew was that I was destructive. I was chaos incarnate. And I wanted to be free.

Senior year, I gave up on writing for good. 

I was extremely lost when I began college. It’s not something I want to get into, but I was so empty. Waking up every morning hurt. My second semester of freshman year, I decided to join a sorority. I was looking for friends, looking to feel like I belonged to something special. Only, I didn’t feel like I belonged . . . not really. I didn’t feel like myself. I don’t even really think I knew who I was at the time either. But I knew I wasn’t a pretty prefect instagram model. I wasn’t skinny and tiny like all my friends. I always felt a need to keep up with them. I wanted to look like them, act like them, be like them. I had no one else to look up to at that point. The thing is, they did made me feel special. When I was with them, I felt powerful, like nothing could hurt me. It was all an illusion. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t like them. Not in the way I wanted to be. 

Then I came across Gabriella Demartino, and everything changed. 

If you don’t know who Gabi is, she’s an American YouTuber who celebrates all things vintage, glam, and girly. I instantly became obsessed with her life and  style. I began dressing like her, doing my makeup like her, embracing things I actually loved. She made me realize I didn’t care about raves or frat parties. I wanted to go to tea. I wanted to watch the Nutcracker Ballet and go vintage dress shopping. I wanted sleepovers with champagne and Audrey Hepburn films on repeat. In my greatest fantasies, I imagined shopping at Chanel, living in Paris, dining at Laduree! . . . Gabi made me realize I wanted to create a life worth living. I wanted to be me. I wanted to be the girl from my dreams from that once upon a time. 

One winter day, Gabi posted this video she created for Christmas time. It was inspired by The Princess and the Pauper, and so whimsical to me. I wanted to live in that story. I wanted to twirl around in a lacy dress and munch on sugar cookies. I wanted to fall asleep by the fire with a ribbon in my hair and play dress up in her walk-in closet. I wanted to create something just like it. I wanted to . . . I wanted to write. After two years, I wanted to write. 

♡ a picture from the video that inspired it all ♡ 

Here’s the tea . . . when I began writing LOVE LETTERS TO THE SEA (which back then was called SWEET ROSE), I was working at a dead end job. And when I say dead end, I mean DEAD. END. We had no manager. Our shop owner rarely ever stopped by. Nobody really cared about what we were supposed to be doing (we were a bunch of 18-20 year olds with no supervision) . . . and there was a computer. Right where the cash wrap was. I was alone during my shift. We had no customers that day. And so, I began to write . . . and write . . . and write. I wrote until I had my very first chapter about Lila Rose Li. Everything I’d learned in high school culminated to this very moment. My lyrical prose. My aesthetic. And my story. (which at the time was VERY different). 

I was extremely proud of my first chapter! I wanted to share it with the world! I . . . I wanted to become an author. 

I wanted to become an author.

That was always a dream I had in high school, but I never thought that it would ever come true. Instead, I was in a sorority, trying to be someone I wasn’t . . . studying fashion, which I was failing at and hated . . . but most importantly, I wasn’t being true to myself. Being an author was a dream I had that felt exclusively . . . mine. 

I decided to take the whole writing thing seriously. And to do so, I told my friends so that they could hold me accountable. “Hey, I want to be a published author!” I said one day. I’m not sure if anyone actually took me seriously at the time, but I let them read my writing as I go, excited that I was writing for someone other than myself. However, Sydney would critique me as I went, which made me realize . . . oh shit. I’m still not ready to tell this story the way I want. Will I ever be ready? HOW will I ever be ready? 

And so, I took the biggest risk I could. The year before I was supposed to graduate college, I decided to change my major to Creative Writing. My mother cried. She thought I was being absolutely ridiculous. She told me she’d never believe in me until I proved myself to her (news flash: present day she supports my writing immensely and prays for me to get a book deal every single night). But at the time . . . I was a disgrace. I was the dishonorable child who didn’t care what mom and dad thought. It’s true. I didn’t care. I’d risk it all to become the writer I always dreamt of being. Even if that meant my family hated me. 

Despite the discourse with my family, this is still probably my favorite part of the journey — being a creative writing major, finding my people, my voice, and my best friend: @chloegracewrites  ♡ It started with dinner parties with classmates I’d met in CW 301. We’d sit around a cheese plate, drink wine, and talk about our story ideas. It was the most wonderful time of my life. I finally felt like I fit in somewhere after searching forever. But when I met Chloe . . . I can’t even tell you how it changed my life.

The day I met her I felt like we were two halves of a whole. We bonded over our love for Laini Taylor, and eventually had our first “creative writing date” where we just gushed about writing instead of actually writing. Most of my brainstorming was done with her. She helped me realize ideas I hadn’t even fully formed yet. In fact, I plotted the concept for my final version of LOVE LETTERS TO THE SEA with her just about a year ago (In August, when I started my final draft). When I think of becoming a serious writer, I think of Chloe. I think about how she pushed me, and how she was the only one out of my peers I trusted to make me better. But I’m getting ahead of myself. 

A lot happened before I actually started to get . . . good.  

I’m not going to lie, when I first started my creative writing classes, I thought I was hot shit. Unlike my peers, I already had a style. I had a story and an aesthetic and I had a voice. Only . . . I didn’t realize that voice wasn’t good. I used to cry every time we had workshop. I didn’t understand that my peers were just trying to make me better. It wasn’t until my teacher turned mentor (let’s call him MDL) lit a damn fire beneath my ass. He returned my first writing assignment to me. I was less than enthused by the grade. Of course, I cried. I cried and cried and was probably known as the girl who cried! But above all, I was pissed! I wanted to be better than this. I knew I was better than this!

I thought about my parents. I remembered everything I sacrificed for my dreams. I thought of quitting my sorority, of quitting fashion, of leaving all my friends behind to follow my own path . . . but most importantly, I remembered that I wanted to be a writer. And if I wanted to be a writer, I sure as hell had to take things seriously. 

My inner slytherin LEAPED out. I was vicious when it came to perfection. I would accept nothing less. In the end, I still cried. But I cried like Azula in the last episode of ATLA: upset that I didn’t win, upset that I wasn’t perfect. My obsession was sick, and yet . . . I was oddly proud of myself. I knew I’d stop at nothing to be the best writer I could be. I wrote twice every day: once in the morning, and once at night. Mind you, I had a job, went to school, and worked an internship at the time. Eventually, one of my professors broke me. He deemed me emotionally unstable. He called me a distraction to the rest of the class because of my perfectionism. And just like that, I realized how insane I’d gotten, and how obsessed with perfection I’d become. But even then, I was thankful. When I got kicked out of class, I scrapped my whole novel for the third time and began again. 

Another fire was lit, and I was going to prove him wrong. 

I decided I wanted to go to grad school to get my MFA in Childrens and Young Adult Writing at the New School in New York. Partially because this professor told me I wasn’t a “serious enough writer” for grad school and that I “needed help.” Boy did that make me mad! I’ll show you, I said to myself. I worked twice as hard, but this time, without the tears or self destruction. You know that scene in The Devil Wears Prada where Miranda tells Andrea “you’re not working hard enough” after Andrea bent over backwards for her job? Well I had that moment too. And just like Andrea, I collected myself, and worked harder than hard. I was basically the Elle Woods of the Creative Writing Department, and I HAD to prove myself. 

And boy, did I work hard as hell. 

Remember that other professor, MDL? Oh yeah. By the end of the year, he went from being critical of my writing to praising it. He even offered me a mentorship (mind you, this was super cool because he’s an award winning author). I won’t give away too much, but I am so thankful for his guidance. By the end of that semester, one of my peers had told me something I’d never forget. She said, “You know Kiana, I’ve always admired how seriously you take criticism. I’m impressed with how hard you work to become the best writer you can be.” I was so proud of myself in that moment. 

Although, I think I’m quite different now. After falling in love with my novel, it’s hard for me to accept anyone else’s opinion other than my own. But again . . . I’m getting ahead of myself. 

That summer, August to be exact, my novel was no longer SWEET ROSE. It was no longer DEVIL’S ROSE, or DEVIL’S ROSE 2.0. It was . . . LOVE LETTERS TO THE SEA. I remember blurting out my ideas for the rewrite to Chloe, and having them not make sense out loud. She seemed to understand me though. For some reason, I think she always has, even when I don’t think I make any sense at all. We talked over my plot, and when I sat down to write . . . it felt like the story I always wanted to tell.

A year after my chaotic semester of getting kicked out of class with a permanent W on my transcript, I no longer felt the need to go to grad school. To my surprise, I was proud of how I’d evolved (plus COVID happened lol). However, all of that hard work from last year still paid off. I got accepted anyways with 50% of my tuition covered. It was a merit scholarship based on my application alone (BASED ON MY OPENING CHAPTERS OF LOVE LETTERS TO THE SEA)!!! I was in disbelief! Take that mr. professor who said I wasn’t serious enough for grad school!

By the time I finished writing my novel in May of 2020, I felt like my story was a work of art. It was my story. The story of my heart. And I had finally created the version of it I’d always dreamed of. But again, I’m getting ahead of myself. 

Flashback to March of 2020, my life began to change even more. I joined writing Twitter pre-COVID, and found my community. With the pandemic going on, I began to create a lot of online friendships. I was connecting with so many other writers, and I learned a lot from them all. 

But my most successful online friendship wasn’t found through Twitter. It was through here on Tumblr. I was convinced I had met my soulmate: @wistful-giselle​  ♡ 

Speaking to Giselle felt like every Lana Del Rey song I’d ever listened to. It felt like reading Romeo & Juliet and The Great Gatsby for the first time again. She spun poetry unlike anything I had ever read (and is a great inspiration behind my prose). She reminded me that my writing isn’t just about the story . . . it’s about the language too. She inspired me to make sure every page was perfumed and lyrical, and before sending my novel out to readers, I did one big revision with her in mind. I wanted to impress myself, but I also wanted to impress her. She was the most talented writer I had ever met. 

Giselle ended up being the first person to ever read my novel from start to finish (and in a single sitting too). For that, she holds a special place in my heart. 

Then came my beta readers. Another person read it all in one sitting: Chloe. Then another. And another. And another. In total, five people read my entire novel in one whole sitting. I was speechless. I still am. Even my CPs flooded me with praise and compliments. I didn’t realize it at the time, but within two weeks, I thought that I was ready to query because of the successful response I had.

I believed in myself, and in my eyes, I thought my novel was perfect (especially because of the validation from readers). Looking back on it now, I’m not entirely sure I was ready. I think that perhaps I was overly confident. Maybe, I still am. 

I started querying in July of this year. I cannot even speak to the amount of rejections I received between now and then. People told me I was ready. They said that agents would swoop me up immediately. In fact, I thought I’d be agented in about a week or so! Boy was I wrong. That’s not how things work at all. 

This part of my journey is probably the darkest. I don’t think I was ever really prepared for it. Rejection, after rejection, after rejection came. I started to lose hope after only a month. I was confused. I didn’t understand what was wrong with my novel. I still don’t really understand it. LOVE LETTERS TO THE SEA is everything I ever wanted it to be. It’s everything I worked so hard at perfecting. It’s just like how I feel about Lana’s music: so perfectly me that nobody else could ever imitate it. I love my story. I think I always will. 

I know I might appear to be doing well on social media to some of you despite all of the rejections. To people who don’t know the details of my life, I probably even seem successful. During SFFpit, I was the top tweet of the whole contest with over 300+ retweets and 7 requests (there were more, those were just the ones that I was interested in). 

In the end, they were all rejections. 

I never wanted anyone to know that. I’m so thankful for my following, I don’t want to let anyone down. But at the end of the day, I also want to be authentic with my audience. I want you to know that even I fail.

In March of 2020, I started with 200 followers on my Twitter account. By September of 2020, I’d grown my following to 1,000+ followers, which I am so thankful for. I know that number may not seem like a lot to some people, but as someone who has never had a rapidly growing following, it means the world to me. I love everyone who supports me more than they’ll ever know.  

I see everything. I notice how many of you there are who tell me you can’t wait to see my book on the shelves. I see your praise and encouragement and support. I read all of your messages. I respond to every one, or at least I try. Sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve it. But I am so, so thankful for it all. It’s the reason I keep believing in myself, even in my darkest hours. 

All I’ve ever wanted is to feel seen. 

And I do. I feel seen by all of you. But I also feel like a fraud sometimes. The truth is, even I get rejections. A lot of them. More than you would think from the outside looking in. And yeah, it hurts. It hurts because I love my story. It hurts because I believe in myself. It hurts because you believe in me too. 

So why aren’t I there yet?

I don’t think I’ve ever felt true heartbreak until now. Querying is the most vulnerable, brutal thing I’ve ever put myself through.

But it does get better. There are some good days too. You might think I’m just being dramatic since the present day marker of this journey actually ends on a very happy note. But that’s the thing about querying. It’s up and down, up and down. It’s unpredictable and scary and it takes a lot of guts to do. But enough on that. 

This post is getting long, so I’m not going to go into detail about pitch contests. All you need to know is that I participated in a huge contest called PitMad, and to my suprise, I made it into the top 25 tweets of the contest, with 400+ retweets and about 8 agent requests. 

And even more surprising, I f*cked up my queries on accident, and still received several fulls 3 days later (lol). My point is, maybe it’s not all about being “perfect”.  Maybe it’s about having a story you love and believe in, and finding the right match for it. 90% of my rejections are based on my story “not being the right fit.” It doesn’t mean my story is bad. It just means I haven’t found the right person to represent me. I know I have a strong story that I love deeply, and that others love deeply too. It wasn’t until my fulls started coming in that I began believing in myself again. Thankfully, I have a group of wonderful people who never once stopped believing in me, even when my light dimmed out. (you know who you are ♡). 

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t even know if my fulls will turn into offers. All I can do is believe in myself, and know that my story is good enough for someone to want to represent it. And hey, if it doesn’t work out, I can always revise. I did it once before . . . in college, when I was still pushing myself to grow. Sometimes I forget that we never really stop growing. There is always room to evolve. 

Maybe I was right to believe in my novel so fiercely. Maybe I was wrong. 

Honestly, only time can tell. I have a hopeful feeling about my recent requests, and I am very excited about the agents viewing my work. But I also know how devastating querying is. I don’t want to let myself down. Falling from grace and reaching my lowest lows has taught me that I’m not perfect. In fact, there’s no such thing as perfect. I am constantly evolving, and this isn’t the end of my journey. 

It’s just the beginning. 

Love Always, 

        Kiana  ♡  

[esther-ti-designs]

Hey everyone, uhh so I have some tea for you all.

So I met this guy (I’ll refer to him as J) during the last meeting of the quarter for the graphic design club last fall.  Here’s everything that happened between December 5 through February 22.

December 5

Honestly, I haven’t noticed J at any of the previous meetings, but that one night, he just came up to me out of the blue and complimented me on my cozy winter gear.

So J and I happened to be taking Intro to Design that quarter and we talked about our group projects for the class, which we just turned in earlier that day (I had just pulled two consecutive all-nighters and had just taken a 3-hour nap prior to the meeting, so I was very sleep deprived at this point).  We continued our conversation while walking down some stairs and outside the building, and he asked me about other clubs that I’m involved in, to which I told him that I’m the secretary and Head of Hufflepuff for the Harry Potter Alliance (HPA) and that I’m also in the ballroom dance club.  He seemed very interested in HPA.  He mentioned that he played second violin in the video game orchestra (VGO) and that they were having a quarterly concert that weekend.  A friend in HPA had promoed the VGO concert the night before, but I wasn’t really interested, as I had no knowledge of video game music.  J and I exchanged Instagram handles and later that night, I answered all of his questions about HPA.  Then on Sunday, sort of at the last minute, I found out that a few friends from HPA were going to the VGO concert and I went along because $5 for a concert is not bad, and I haven’t been to an orchestra performance in a while.  The concert was so much better than I expected!

December 9

Finals week just started and J randomly asked if I was studying on campus 👀

December 11

We met up at a boba shop near my apartment to study for the Intro to Design final (it was raining pretty hard and J refused to have me bike out to campus in the rain).  We studied off a Quizlet set for about 3 hours until my laptop’s battery was running low, and then we talked for another couple hours!  It turns out we have a lot in common!  We’re both only children, 22 years old, left-handed, design majors (J is actually a design and managerial economics double major), and we play the violin (I used to play violin and cello, but I digress).  Oh and we both have an iNTeResTinG injury story haha.  Then, before we went our separate ways, he gave me a one-armed hug, which I couldn’t reciprocate because I had my arms full with a cup of boba and my umbrella.

December 12

J DM’ed me out of the blue asking for my Spotify wrapped up.  I normally don’t give in to trends easily, and this was something I wasn’t really interested in sharing with the entire world, but I shared it with him anyways (Spoiler: It’s mostly Game of Thrones soundtracks, Taylor Swift, and BTS).  Despite being an orchestra nerd, I find it really difficult keeping up with popular music, and my musical taste stays fairly consistent even several years later.  I was kind of expecting him to laugh at my musical taste, but he actually complimented me for liking dramatic tv/film soundtracks.  And then we arranged another study session right before the design final.

December 13

The Intro to Design final was supposed to be 50 questions, all multiple-choice, no trick questions.  It was supposed to be really easy, and I thought we got almost everything down at the previous study session.  So why were we having another study session right before the exam?  I thought either he really wanted an A in the class, or he wanted to see me again before we went on winter break.  Right before going in for the exam, he asked if I wanted to meet up again for a “post-final celebration” when we were done with the exam.  Okay, now I was really starting to think he wanted to spend some more time with me before winter break 👀

So after the design final, we walked down to one of two boba shops on the edge of campus and downtown.  We both ordered our drinks, he got some popcorn chicken, and we talked for four hours!  I can’t remember everything we talked about, but time really flew by.  And then, before we went home, he gave me a one-armed hug again.

December 14

I had plans to fly home to LA today.  I had spent the previous night cleaning my apartment and packing stuff (I managed to forget to bring a pair of sneakers because, for some reason, dumbass me decided to wear heeled boots to the airport because ~fashion~).  I was sitting in the airport, about to board the plane, when I got a message from J.  He remembered that I was flying that day and was asking if I got home safely.  Aww he actually cares.  I told him that I would be boarding soon and will be offline for the next couple hours.  And then I updated him when I got off the plane, when my parents picked me up at LAX, while we sat in the typical LA traffic, until we all made it home.

December 15 - January 5

Over the next few weeks of winter break, we messaged each other a couple times every day.  We shared pictures of the holiday decorations in our home, and I shared pictures and video clips of my pet bunny too.  On Chistmas Eve, he asked if I had any plans, to which I told him we were going out for dinner to celebrate my mom’s birthday.  He wished my mom happy birthday and I passed the birthday wishes to my mom. “Hey mom, my friend says happy birthday.” “Thank you — who???” And I had to tell my mom about J (whoops).  Her judgmental ass was not exactly happy to hear that J is a Caucasian dude from yeehaw country, and after showing her J’s Instagram feed, she was not a fan of his art style smh.  Anyways, the day I was coming back to Davis, J was like AHHHH you’re back!!!!!!!  Just pure excitement 💖

January 9 - 16

We met up at yet another boba shop after the first week of classes.  Our meeting was shorter than all our previous meetings, because I had to bike back to give an apartment tour later that afternoon.  Two weeks into the winter quarter, we met after our design studio classes and walked to an HPA meeting together.  We also went to a graphic design club meeting together, after which he offered to drive me home so that I wouldn’t have to bike with the cold wind on my face.  I trusted J at this point, so I gratefully accepted.  I think my trust in him went up at least 10 times in this moment, because J managed to secure my small and heavy bike to the bike rack on the back of his car, which already had his bike strapped in.  After dropping me off at my apartment, he invited me out for dinner that weekend (it was also MLK weekend).

January 18

J picked me up at 7.  The restaurant he chose was hella ~ f a n c y ~.  It was an Italian restaurant downtown with dim lighting and pasta priced at $13 - $16.  He said he didn’t know the place would be that fancy and that he trusted Yelp’s description of “casual Italian.”  I told a friend about our sort-of-date night and she thinks J picked a date-y restaurant on purpose 👀  Oh and my mom went the extra mile of writing down J’s name, the place we were going to, and I was to call home at 10 PM (I ended up getting back and called an hour early).

February 14 - Valentine’s Day ❤️

Unfortunately, J never came to another HPA meeting because the campus radio station, KDVS, holds meetings at the same time, and he’s trying to get a job with them.  And we don’t really see each other very often because design classes are usually 3-hours long and J is really busy with 5 classes.  But J has been super excited about Yule Ball ever since he met me.  J came over while I was tabling for ticket sales.  He mentioned that VGO was going to see Sonic that night, and invited me to hang with VGO.  Let me tell you, it was quite an experience and definitely not the typical Valentine’s Day date.

We pulled into a Sonic drive-in for dinner (because gotta get in that Sonic mood lol).  A girl introduced herself as D (name altered to protect identity, of course).  She clearly has some sort of leadership role in the group because everyone pays attention to her, but she constantly makes jokes about being everyone’s daddy.  The jokes are so vulgar and obscene.  It was like weirdest video game nerd and band kid hybrid (J later tells me she’s a violinist.  What?!  Orchestra people are usually super chill lol).  After dinner, we get in our cars and head down the street to the movie theater.  The VGO had reserved seats in Row J.  J and I had just booked our tickets several hours earlier and we were in Row F.  Throughout the movie, someone in the theater yelled at every pivotal moment (including, yes, that Tails reveal in the post credits).  J thoroughly enjoyed the movie and laughed along with whomever was yelling behind us, while I knew absolutely nothing going into it, except that Sonic is a blue hedgehog that can run super fast.  J also gave one additional bit of info before the movie: Sonic really likes chili corn dogs for some strange reason???

So that’s how my Valentine’s Day went lol

February 18

J came by around 3 in the afternoon, right before we were going to pack up for the day, and purchased a Yule Ball ticket.  He’s obviously very excited to go to Yule Ball with me but he says he doesn’t know how to dance.  I told him we have a waltz lesson planned.  He’s like aww and says he wants me to personally teach him (my heart 💕).  And as always, he gave me a hug before leaving to go to class.  Recently, I noticed that J has been giving full hugs instead of his usual one-armed hugs, though it depends on the situation.

February 22

✨❄️ Y u l e   B a l l ❄️✨

J and I arrived separately at Yule Ball because I had to help set up the venue for the event and I had spent the entire day working on an Azkaban wanted poster prop and literally finished it two hours before our meeting time for setting up the venue.  The dance was supposed to start at 7 PM and J got there early enough to help me out with last-minute decorations.  I had signed up to be in charge of the photobooth from 7 to 7:30, but no one came for pictures during that 30-minute period, so I was free for the rest of the night.  J and I had a fantastic time admiring the detailwork in the decorations around the venue and laughing and dancing to the weird selection of 2000s music.  J did pretty okay with learning waltz basics and I gave him tips here and there on standing in closed frame, balance, the slight tension in the left hand, etc.

Sometime towards the end of the night, my ballroom friend pulled me aside for a bathroom chat and asked if we’re dating.  I don’t know???  We haven’t decided to call it official so ??

After helping clean up everything at the end of the night, J dropped off a friend and right before turning to drop me off (I live across the street from that friend), he remembered that I hadn’t had actual food all day prior to Yule Ball (aww he actually cares, and he probably wanted some extra time with me even though my apartment was right there).  So we went downtown for (a very late) dinner.  While we chatted over food and boba, our conversation drifted towards soundtrack music and I mentioned The Theory of Everything soundtrack, my favorite soundtrack besides Game of Thrones.  J immediately searched up The Theory of Everything soundtrack album and streamed it on the way home (that’s some serious dedication right there), and he liked it!

Oh and I forgot to mention that J forgot to bring a jacket and I had a very warm scarf and coat, so we held onto each other with a one-armed hug while we walked to his car.  I really love his hugs, one-armed or full hugs.

I usually post a picture from Yule Ball every year so here’s this year’s!  Yep, that’s J.  And we’re both Ravenclaws :)

I’ll end this post here, so I don’t end up with a romance novel in a single post lol

[iadprocess]

Week 1 - Into the Wild!

The first day conducting field research we wanted to focus on our main interests for our project. We agreed that an AI-based application to create a sensation of help, not to replace therapy, but more companionship would be a suitable idea to pursue, seeing the current situation. For two weeks all citizens, who do not work in a field that is viewed as essential, have been constrained in their homes. When this quarantine will end is uncertain. This to maintain a social distance and avoid the spread of COVID-19. In these moments, people have to start to deal with a situation of isolation. We thought that loneliness and boredom could become a growing problem for general wellbeing. 

We wanted to get in touch with a wide variety of people. We got in touch with persons from the age of 14 to 80+. We were interested in how the quarantine is affecting people’s behavior and mood. If the restrictions and disruption to their daily routine would affect them negatively. We thought of a set of questions that could give us a first overview.

·        Who are you? (age, occupation)

·        Who are you spending your quarantine time with?

·        how has your everyday life changed since the quarantine?

·        how does quarantine affect your mood?

·        What do you do to improve your mood at home?

·        Where would you rather be right now?

We wanted to contact workers who are working at home, workers who are still working outside, students, retirees and unemployed. We wanted to discover if there were any patterns with the answers. Our Expectation was to recognize categories of people who react and respond in a similar way (I am fine, I am not fine).

Phone Interviews

David got in contact with seniors who live in a retirement home, through his mother who works there. He conducted 4 interviews through the phone, all respondents were over 80 years old. Two of the three people are fully cared for and the third person lives in an apartment right next to the home. The fully cared for people had difficulty understanding my questions and could not answer open questions. We think it would be better to do something visual and have contact in real life. Because of the coronavirus, we have to find out how this could work best. Cultural probes could be one possibility. Here a snippet from an interview:

Getting information from the people in the home was very difficult. A visual Observation in everyday life would be more effective.

Themes: occupation, entertainment, social interaction, time for oneself.

The statements on the phone seemed quite cold. One notices the loneliness and possibly also boredom. The question whether they would appreciate it, if acquaintances would call more often, they would say yes. But can one trust this answer? Do they answer honestly or is it just politeness?

Person 1 Occupation: - Read - Number game (Lotto, Bingo) - Wandering around the home - Set the table! ⇢ Feeling needed.

Person 2 Occupation: - Lying / dozing - „zvieri näh“ - Talking to people - read the Bible The situation is calm and "grave". She prefers to make phone calls. She doesn't want a change now. "It is the way it is" is probably the most heard sentence in the conversations. She says the situation hasn't changed much since the quarantine: she still and always felt a sense of helplessness. She takes each day as it comes and still is alone. Residents have the same perception of the atmosphere in the home as before.

Person 3 Terrible not being able to see anyone. Still meets with the neighbors. No longer allowed to have lunch with the other residents. "Unecessary information" comunicated. When I was asking if she is using the phone, she told me about her phone provider and how much it costs, even thought that was not part of the conversation.

Person 4 Made more shopping, to prepare. Everything is still working normally. Says that 15 and 16 year olds have no trouble at all.

Video Interviews

Conclusion

For 1/3 the quarantine has brought little change in the routine.

1/4 misses the direct contact with classmates

1/7 misses seeing her family

1/3 is more in virtual contact with people than before the quarantine

1/3 is feeling less productive because of the quarantine

2/3 are scared of the current situation and of the uncertainty of the future

What helps to lift the mood

2/3 feel better when they exercise

1/3 contact with people online and thorugh the phone

1/3 feel better when cooking

1/6 feel better through entertainment (tv shows, games)

Instagram Poll

We decided to ask three short questions in our Instagram poll, here are the answers we got:

How has the quarantine affected your routine? 

From lab work to home office for paper research and report writing, from fitness center to jogging and online courses

Routine has become really important to keep the feet on the ground

Home School :D

Can’t go outside for no reason, little afraid to visit my parents and sad that I can’t see my

grampy’s

Saving time and money. At work: slowly losing immediacy with clients and colleagues

I can not meet my friends and family :’(

I have exams in June and I have no clue of what will happen because I’m doing online school but it’s literally 2 hours a day (I live in Italy)

All activities acquired the same value: it’s not worse to wash the dishes than take care of plants

I have more time, I go to sleep later however less structure

Watching Netflix more

I’m more concentrated during lessons

0 change. I’m a natural isolationist. I was born to do this.

Got more time to read and spend in the kitchen now

Almost nothing changed

I have to practice stuff for work at home but the crying ain’t helping (hairdresser)

I discovered that I’m a morning person, I started making the bed

100% smart work, self-quarantine for every individual of the family

How do you entertain yourself or improve mood during the quarantine?

Playing chess

Watching Netflix

Watch “dumbest purchases I made in my 20s” videos to feel better about myself

Self-penetration

More cooking and eating

Dreaming of me jogging

I plant mushrooms in my garden

Drinking alcohol

Youtube workouts and yoga apps

Watching porns

Playing switch, doing sports and reading books

Scrolling through social media, chat a lot, movies, sit on the balcony, rearrange and clean home

Playing sims

Online apéros

How does quarantine affect your mood and why?

Negatively because I can’t go to restaurants/clubs or travel

I am nervous cause I see the same people all the time and staying in the same rooms

All good

Everything is fine, I work from home but at the weekends it gets harder and if the weather is bad

Feeling balanced, try to keep daily routine (work, sport and social contact)

I recognise that I can’t go outside, especially in the evenings I am tired

Sitting in front of a computer the hole day is exhausting

My mind is very relaxed, because I don’t hear the word corona all the time

Sometimes a bit lonely, then I call someone, and I am happy again

There is nothing better than this situation, let’s go for a drink after everything

Doesn’t affect me, because I throw a corona party every weekend

I can still work, so I am not that quarantined. I know what to do

The quarantine is not the thing that is annoying, it is the way how we have to work from home, everyone expects you to be online 24/7

More difficulties to get up in the morning, more exhausted in the evening

Sometimes I feel irritable or anxious, but most of the time I feel relaxed and good

I am not in quarantine I have to work

I watch more Netflix

Video Diary

Ramona asked a friend of hers to document her day with her phone camera. This was a quite playfull and fun way to discover the routine of a student who now has to stay home, for both us researchers and for the subject. In the video she says she mostly works on her computer. To lift her mood she goes outside in the garden to catch some sunlight. She’s trying to stay positive and that seems to work.

Google Survey

Click here to see all the answers. 61% answered positively - they are well 19% answered negatively - they are not doing well 19% answered positively and negatively. Either they are doing medium well, or they are slowly getting quiet, or sometimes good and sometimes bad. 71% of the people left their contact datas, if we want to contact for new survey.

Feedback from a psychologist: “What answers do you hope to get? Maybe give someone to read again, so that it is clear, everyone is understood correctly. Questions 1 and 3 are a bit similar. If you want to get more out, a reward would be helpful. From a psychological point of view what is important is anonymity, if any sentence is written that the whole thing will be treated anonymously if you don't give your email address. Added: either people don't fill this out if they think it’s too uncomfortable. Answers become more honest when anonymity is guaranteed” 

Feedback from a anonym participant: “Quantitative surveys are easier to evaluate with multiple choice questions.” A lot of participants left their email address if we wanted to contact them. We were quite surprised how many participants left their contact.

Send a picture of what you are doing

We asked 13 people to send us a picture of what they are doing. Most of them are young adults, some of them are employees, most are student. We can see that most of them stay in front of a screen. Some are playing board games, other are cooking, taking a break of pursuing their hobbies.

Facebook livestream

We saw in this facebook group that many users did livestreams. They talked about their personal lives and communicated with the viewers who were commenting. We tried to go live and engage in a conversation with the members of that Facebook group. To start a conversation and get viewers to answer questions was very hard. This is probably because the main focus of such a livestream is the livestramer and not the viewers.

Why did we select those highlights?

Instagram Story Questions We liked the spontaneous answers people gave us. Also the length of the answers is limited so people have to focus on the core of their statement.

Google Forms Survey Interesting more in depth answers. It is easy to share the survey link and therefore can reach people outside of our bubble.

Video Interview The interviewed people are more freely to communicate compared to a phone call. They can show environments or objects through the camera. Furthermore the interviewer and the participant are “closer” together.

Audio Interview Negative highlight. It should that not every medium works for every target audience. Elderly or children would probably benefit from communication mediums where they don’t have to articulate sentences.

Were the expectations fulfilled?

Like expected the answers to our questions were very different. Most people were relaxed and others are scared and sad about the quarantine. Most people know how to entertain them self. Most people feel bad to have social distance and are afraid of infecting someone.

Which changes have to be made?

We need to find a better way to improve trust, so that we are able to ask morepersonal questions. Furthermore we need a better way to express more “hard to explain” topics like loneliness in the online medium. Maybe it would be a good idea to have group discussions and we as the interviewers stay in the background. Especially when talking about difficult topics.

Older people (some have slightly dementia) are having difficulties to answer to open questions. Furthermore they are not so technical advanced that they could use smartphones or other tools to communicate in a more visual way. A way to get a better understanding of their situation would probably be cultural probes. Unfortunately we can not meet them in person, due to the coronavirus.

We want to test if anonymity could help to communicate more personal topics.

What could be the next steps for field research?

Inform better about the topic communication.

Discovery: What is on the market that is used for communicating online or online multiplayer games.

Explore how people in different living situations (home-schooled, home-office, still working outside, retired and unemployed) use communication tools (which ones? for what purpose? how often?)

Unpack your topic further, see what angle you would like to look into

Playful humorous communication, connect people who are in a similar situation orhave similar interests and bring them to communicate and play with each other.

How do you want to get in touch with people online? How do you find your online community?

Contact people we personally know

Use Online Forms

Use social media to find interested people

Friends of friends

Public online groups

What type of media could you use to collect and record your impressions (chats, online video, sound, a mix of different media, etc..)

Chat

Video Interview (single and groups)

Telephone Interviews

Video or Photo diary

Cultural Probes (notebook, drawing and writing down thoughts, giving theminstructions on the pages)

[icefire149]

Answer 21, Tag 21

Tagged by @mazelinkas-spoon

Thank you for tagging me <3 This was a lovely surprise to wake up to. Also I’m 100% still dying because of the CURSED POST. 

1. Nicknames: I don’t really have nicknames. My name is Rachel. Sometimes it’s shortened to Rache or Rach. Once in a blue moon Ray. Sometimes I’ll shorten my username to Icy

2. Zodiac sign: Gemini

3. Height: 5′1 & 1/2 inches

4. Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw  

5: Last thing Googled: My laptop won’t let me log in. I still don’t know what is up with this nightmare. Took me several restarts and a half hour to get this thing up and running.

6: Favorite Musicians: Fall Out Boy, Panic! At the Disco, AC/DC, Florence and the Machine, I’ve been big into Hozier lately 

7. Song stuck in my head: Almost by Hozier

8. Following now: 1,460 

9. Followers: 968

(oof I’ve been on this site since 2012)

10: Do I get asks?: Very rarely, but I love them to pieces. Please send me asks.

11: Amount of Sleep: It’s a pain in the ass to get me to sleep but once I do I can and will be down for the count of 8-14 hours. I feel better when I get 12-14 hours.

12: Luck Number: 13

13: What am I wearing: old full of holes leggings and a House Lannister t-shirt

14: Dream Job: I have a lot of dreams hold on: Professional student, author, video game let’s player

15: Dream trip: I want to see the ruins in Greece and Italy. I want to travel around Paris and see the sights. Yeet me into the beauty of Scotland and Ireland. JUST NOT INTO A FAIRY CIRCLE. 

16: Favorite Food: I love food a lot. So I’m a sucker for: wings, bbq, steak, rice, broccoli, grapes, noodles

17: Instruments: I used to play the drums and read BASIC sheet music for the piano

18: Languages: Born and raised on English. I have a Classics degree with a language focus in Latin and Ancient Greek. I had Spanish sprinkled in elementary and middle school. So maybe a few words there. I took two levels of French in high school and try to brush up on it here and there. 

19: Favorite Song: I honestly don’t know. It honestly depends on my mood. 

20: Random fact: I was on my college’s equestrian team. 

[ @mazelinkas-spoon so I saw your random fact was  congenital hip dysplasia and I immediately went EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. I was born without either of my hip sockets formed at all. I don’t usually come across anyone with a similar background like that.]

21: Aesthetic: The moon, the stars, the night sky, old books, wildflowers and weeds, butterflies and bees, large cozy blankets, bright colors, lots of notebooks and felt tipped pens, seashells and old photos and flowers on shelves, old coins, key chains and postcards, stacks of video games, laughter, sleeping in sunlight

When it comes to tagging I’m never sure who to tag. I get paranoid people are going to kick my butt through my phone or computer screen. 

So if you want to do this, please be my guest. Consider that I am tagging you in spirit. 

[malvchis]

hello it’s violet Back with another late intro ! this is me from the future :-) i rewrote this intro like a little over three months ago and i’m too excited to play him to write it a third time so just like this post and i’ll come to you for plotting ! but until then here’s my angsty / lowkey softie / highkey garbage Son <3 for future reference i’d like to say this vine is also 1000% him okay thank u for ur time

a CHARLES MELTON lookalike just rolled into new york city in their PORSCHE 911 SPORT CLASSIC. MALACHI ROTHSCHILD just had a birthday bash for his TWENTY-THIRD  birthday. i doubt he’ll make it here in new york city since i hear he tends to be DOGMATIC, but on the other hand he is STOIC. ( cismale & he/him )  

「 *.:｡*𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓼. 」

FULL NAME: malachi saul rothschild. NICKNAME(S): mal, m, kai. AGE: twenty two. DATE OF BIRTH: july 15th, 1996. ASTROLOGY SIGN: cancer sun, aries moon, capricorn rising. GENDER: male. PRONOUNS: he / him / his. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: heterosexual. LANGUAGES SPOKEN: english, spanish, some greek. OCCUPATION: musician. BIOLOGICAL PARENTS: cassandra & wren rothschild. STEP PARENT(S): tba. SIBLINGS: lilia rothschild ( sixteen ). PET(S): none. CHILDREN: none. RELIGION: grew up in a catholic household, but agnostic. DRINK / DRUGS / SEX: yes / yes / yes. FACECLAIM: calum hood. EYE COLOR: brown. HAIR: brunette. HEIGHT: 6′2. RIGHT/LEFT HANDED: right. TATTOOS: i’ll come up with this later but he def has a spongebob tattoo on his ankle he got when he was drunk TRAITS: diligent, altruistic, reverent, dogmatic, taciturn, brooding. NOTABLE HABITS: smokes at least three cigarettes a day, zones out during most conversations, drums his fingers against any surface when he’s nervous. NECESSITIES: pack of marlboro cigarettes, airpods, vintage band tees. LIKES: sweatshirts, naps, driving, adrenaline, performing in front of huge crowds. DISLIKES: cantaloupe, sleeping alone, not meeting someone’s standards, materialism. DISORDER(S): generalized anxiety.

「 *.:｡*𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴𝓼𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂. 」  

so my backstory is gonna be pretty similar since i haven’t changed that at all and it’s already pretty fleshed out heh

basically malachi’s parents are well-known by his father owning one of the top 10 law firms in the us and his mom is a child actress turned real housewife star ( think brandi glanville or kyle richards if u watch rhobh )

growing up with a younger sister, he was expected to be the golden child of the family and for a little while he was just that

he got good grades and did whatever his dad told him to do like growing up malachi looked up to his dad so much that was his idol

so taking over the law firm and all was fine because he wanted to be just like him u know

then one day at a friend’s house he played guitar hero and his life changed…. Forever :-)

i wish i was kidding but it literally did

he bought the game and would play it for HOURS straight but it wasn’t a real guitar so he went out a bought one and the rest is history <3

malachi was taught to always say the right thing and never truly learned how to express himself so he did it through writing and eventually the guitar and writing kinda tied in together

and of course his dad didn’t approve heh ! which was understandable at first because his grades started slipping in middle school and he kinda got lost in music

also he kinda stopped taking himself so serious and lowkey became the class clown charm is all apart of the rockstar lifestyle it makes sense fight me

so he was getting in trouble more frequently and his dad was getting sick of paying off whoever he needed to make it all go away u know

and i feel like malachi was given internships to go to every summer when he turned 15/16 and he never went to those :-)

it got to the point where his dad would like physically throw his guitar to smash it and he’d threaten to cut malachi off if he didn’t take his future seriously ( tw: drug mention ) and so malachi had to resort to selling his mom’s antidepressants at parties to pay for his equipment because his dad was cutting him off

and he’d try to reach out to his mom but she’s honestly off in her own world and she loves pretending everything’s fine sdjksk it’s a lil dark but it’s FINE

so i think for the sake of keeping the family intact he played along for a little and was basically his dad’s puppet for his junior/senior year of hs

but he dropped out last minute and moved to new york to start his music career all by himself fun :-)

he’s lived in new york for about 5 years now so keep that in mind ok omg i think that’s all

「 *.:｡*𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓽𝔂. 」

before i start i’d just like to say his vc is joji but for purposes of him performing at coachella with his boys, his second vc is mac demarco !

i’m picky and idk which voice i like better for malachi so we’ll see :)

ok so in my first intro i said he’s a lowkey softie but i was wrong

he’s a HUGE softie 90% of the time it’s bad but my excuse is that he’s a cancer so he’s sensitive aubrey

he doesn’t really show it unless it’s through song writing though because he’s a cliche but that’s the best way for him to do it

he’s a very boombox over the shoulder kind of person 

definitely a mix of being rebellious and stubborn ! he doesn’t really know how to listen to anybody besides himself because listening to himself has gotten this far so u know

basically that gifset of kim k going “thanks for your lovely advice but i’m not gonna take it”

relationship-wise it takes him months of fully getting over someone but it also takes him .5 seconds to fall in love with someone new he’s gross

omg he’s also super protective of people he cares about that’s his redeeming quality for sure

he’ll fully punch out anybody that messes with his friends and he’s done it before

oh also he somehow always gets into bar fights ? like 90% of the time without fail it’s either his drunk ass picking on some guy 10 times bigger than him or the other way around so that’s his life honestly

he’s not /as/ reckless as he used to be but if anyone does something dumb he’s definitely there encouraging it

but he’s also the type to just stay home for 3 days straight playing video games or writing music or napping since he loves those

don’t get me wrong though if he’s in the mood to party he’ll go all out and do c*ke off of everyone

he’s a very all or nothing person like there’s no such thing as moderation with him and he doesn’t know her

also he’s kinda oblivious most of the time because he’s off in his own world

basically he’s dumb and he never listens to anyone ever thanks

okay so thank god i actually wrote out some wanted connections and honestly most of them are open now so let’s go to town and just mash a bunch of plots together skdjsk

any brotp plot like “the boys are back” hsm 3 kinda thing thanks

brotps apply to any gender though he needs friends akjskdk

family friends

cousins maybe idk?? anything familial is fine with me

childhood friends <3 <3

one-sided crush that’s probably on his side

first love / exes

literally any exes plot i have pretty good ideas for these that mostly ended badly because of him rip

i just have so many songs that i wanna dedicate to people for plots please

BUT we can do exes that ended good or bad because of your muse i’m not picky

good / bad influence

roommates omg if u have to live with mal good luck but it’ll be FUN someone volunteer

enemies or some kind of rivalry/competition thing

frenemies :-)

fwb but also enemies with benefits

crushes that never went anywhere

omg a summer fling hello please

just tell me what u want and i’ll come up with something hehe <3

[justfcrkicks]

01. what’s your name/alias you go by ??

it’s not my real name but i go by cody online, usually.

02. what’s your age ??

nineteen, almost twenty. i feel 12 tho

03. what’s your zodiac sign ??

aries! i added the exclamation point bc we’re supposed to be assertive but i didn’t get the memo.

04. what’s your ethnicity ??

umm what ISN’T my ethnicity is a better question haha. but no i’m mostly italian/sicilian, lots of different other european countries too, and also part native american, but sadly the only person that even knew what tribe was my grandmother who never really shared those details with anyone before her passing.

05. what’s your nationality ??

i am a US citizen :)

06. what’s your favorite band and/or musical artist ??

i can never answer this because i like pretty much every genre of music and my “favorite” is constantly in flux but right now i’ve been listening to a lot of greta van fleet, eminem, harry styles, joyner lucas, tenacious d, and also one specific willie nelson song has been on a constant loop when i’m not listening to the other stuff.

07. what’s your dream job ??

i don’t really have one tbh. lots of people do and that’s awesome, but sometimes people don’t believe me when i say the only thing that matters is that i don’t hate the job and it earns me enough money to live comfortably, maybe own a small house, reasonably priced car, etc. 

08. what’s one place you would love to visit ??

alpha centauri

09. what’s your favorite tv show ??

another one of those things where i can’t pick a favorite. i’ve been enjoying arrow, riverdale, titans, the ranch, sabrina, supergirl, the flash, legacies, and legends of tomorrow lately though. i’m also a big fan of general hospital, the 100, izombie, lucifer, and stranger things.

10. what’s your favorite movie ??

um... tough one but i have always had a soft spot for Joe Dirt, or The New Guy. Also, I really liked Why Him with James Franco, Bryan Cranston, and Zoey Deutch. I mean, not the greatest movies ever but they’re what come to mind when asked, so... lol

11. what’s your favorite song ??

as of the past couple weeks? “cruel cruel world” by willie nelson, or “unshaken” by d’angelo. for weeks before that it was “lucky you” by eminem & joyner lucas. but i really, unironically love “only in america” by riff raff. the video is hilarious and it just puts me in a good mood.

12. what’s your favorite sport ??

is watching tv a sport? haha video games is a sport, right...?

13. what’s your favorite food ??

pizza. or cereal. i have difficulty picking favorites if you couldn’t tell.

14. what’s your favorite face claim to use ??

chris wood or paul wesley, usually. i’ve just used them a lot and gotten used to them. i tried to justify chris wood for john but he’s way too buff to be john and his skinny gifs don’t look nearly enough like john to make any sense.

15. what’s your least favorite face claim ??

andy ballsack biersack. emma roberts. those two bring up bad memories. dylan o’brien. idk why, i like him well enough as an actor. i’m not necessarily opposed to rping with any of them though

16. what’s your favorite canon character to play ??

i played kai parker for a while. that was fun.

17. what’s your sexuality ??

heterosexual. i legitimately cannot remember a time i wasn’t into girls. as a toddler i’d play with barbies to take the clothes off lmfao

18. what’s the last movie you saw in a cinema/theater ??

batman v superman i think. it’s been way too long.

19. what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had ??

i’ve had some bad ones. i broke my wrist/hand in a few different places, which wasn’t too bad. had a sprained/fractured ankle which didn’t heal for like a year. but the worst was when i got assassin’s creed brotherhood as a kid and laid on my stomach across the whole couch, propped up on my elbows for like 7 hours straight. my back was in a u shape the whole time and when i finally moved, that was the moment i realized i fucked up lol

20. what’s a random or interesting fact about you ??

um.... idk i’m boring but maybe that i have lost 120lbs 

21. do you listen to music while you write ??

sometimes. if i find a good playlist (i’m too lazy to make one) that’s not too distracting then sometimes i’ll use it for a while but other times i just like the silence.

22. are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer ??

night. no matter how hard i try my sleep schedule always gets turned upside down eventually to where i get up at like 6 pm and go to sleep at like 10 am, so i usually only write while the skies are dark lol

23. have you ever roleplayed intoxicated ??

nope. i’ve never had a drink or done drugs so that’d be a neat trick. lol

24. what language or languages do you speak ??

only english. i’m probably too dumb to learn another language tbh. though for a while after playing assassin’s creed 2 i’d say random italian sentences and call people “stronzo!”

25. how long have you roleplayed ??

i mean technically i’ve been rping since i was 8 on myspace, but i didn’t move on to legit rp until i was like 11 or 12, then i went to rp.me for a while, then finally got to tumblr around 2012-2013. 

26. favorite roleplay genre ??

i don’t really have one, but i was once in a scifi rp that changed my view on what groups can be, and i think it was my favorite experience ever. everyone was so close and friendly and that made the rp even more fun, so now a good scifi rp brings up those memories for me and makes me enjoy that genre even more.

27. one sound you hate & one you love ??

ok so the sound i hate is nails scratching cotton. not a chalkboard, oddly enough that’s tolerable to me, but nails scratching up against cotton... i have no idea why but it sends chills down my spine lmfao

i love the sound of a crackling fire though. or rain. or rain and a crackling fire. 

28. do you believe in ghosts ??

hell yes i do. pls don’t hurt me ghosts i believe in u

29. do you believe in aliens ??

do i think aliens exist? yes. do i think we’ve been visited by aliens, or that we’re even close enough for them to know we exist? not necessarily. but i do like the ancient alien theory that we were visited by aliens a long time ago and taught stuff. especially when you consider that so many cultures, even those that had no way of being in contact with each other are so similar, have similar thought processes, and progressed at similar rates.

30. do you believe in true love ??

yes & no. i believe that initial attractions can be very powerful in producing a “love at first sight” feeling, but no one is just meant to love another person. i believe you can grow to feel “true love” for anyone assuming the right circumstances.

31. do you hold grudges ??

i’d like to think i don’t but i know i do, at least in the back of my mind. sort of forgive but not forget, but also never 100% forgiving either? idk.

32. do you have any obsessions right now ??

red dead redemption 2. big shock, i know haha. i just can’t get over the ending, the characters, the music, the world, etc. 

33. do you drive & if so, have you ever been in a crash ??

nope & nope

34. do you like the smell of gasoline ??

nooooo it makes me feel sick, honestly.

35. do you prefer writing fluff, angst, or smut ??

all of the above! each has its merits, and writing too much of one thing can get old and make the others feel more appealing. smut gets old the quickest though imo, even though i’ve run a smut rp in the past haha

36. are you in a relationship ??

are you? lmao

37. grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23, what is the 17the line ??

well it’s a comic/graphic novel so there’s not 17 lines on that page but the second to last line is “and edward nigma... did you know that when the riddler was first transferred to arkham, they had to keep moving him from cell to cell to keep him from being able to formulate an escape?” it’s Batman Volume 10: Epilogue by Snyder & Capullo.

38. put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs that pop up:

1. Santeria by Sublime 2. Money Trees by Kendrick Lamar 3. Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana 4. Ladders by Mac Miller

[shitthehousessay]

 Alright, it took a day (albeit I haven't really had much of a chance to work on it), but it's finally done. Here's my responses to the 102 questions^^. I probably put too much personal info on this site lol.

I’m doing this on my laptop because of how long it is, but answers are under the cut. Hope you enjoy random tidbits about me!

--Zero (the [other] Ravenclaw)

1. What is their full name?

While I usually use and prefer Zero Ace as an online name, my irl name is Solomon.

2. Zodiac sign

Pisces

3. In detail describe how they look

I'm 5'10" with a build like Shaggy Rodgers. I'm about,,,, less than 120lbs (that's a guess really, it's probably way less or slightly more.). You ever see a cloud? Yeah, imagine one as black wavy/curly hair with red tips (natural, not dyed) that goes to about the bottom of my neck. Brown eyes, half philipino (no, I don't know any of the language), decent moustache, and I've been told by various people that they thought I was a stoner when they first met me.

4. How old are they?

I am 16

5. What clothes to they like to wear?

I don't really have any kind of set style either. I usually just go with whatever's comfy for me.

6. What’s their favorite piece of clothing?

I've got this really soft brown fake leather jacket that my dad got me about two or three years ago that I used to wear consistently, but I'm not sure if I have a 'favorite'.

7. Any piercings?

Nope

8. Do they have any other jewelry they wear?

I wear a Timex Ironman analogue watch that I got at Walmart a few years ago ('twas on sale) and a ring with a part that spins in the middle that I bought in like sixth grade at the Newseum in DC.

9. Any tattoos?

Nah

10. How old are they?

See above

11. What do they smell like?

Idk, disappointment probably

12. What are their four trinkets?

(I'm gonna do stuff on my school backpack for this one) -- I've got a Ministry of Magic keychain, a Pokeball keychain, a Spiderman keychain, and a Ravenclaw house emblem pin.

13. GOVERNMENT MANDATED FERSONA

Roomba with a knife taped to it

14. What kind of magic are they good at?

Accidental Procrastination, aka Time Travel

15. What kind of magic are they bad at?

Luck

16. Of the four, six or seven magical elements which are they most connected to? Four: fire,air water earth. six: fire,air,water, wood,earth, metal. Seven:fire, air, water, wood, earth, metal, aither.

Not sure if this is asking about choosing a single element or a group, so I'm gonna go with water.

17. What does their gateway look like prior to their memory loss? What does it look like afterwards?

(I'm not sure what this is asking)

18. Do they have a familiar? If they do. What type of animal is it? What is it’s name? Is it still around after they lost their memory?

I have an old yellow cat named Iris and he's pretty cool. We share birthdays and he's one year older than me.

19. Have they ever cursed someone?

I have tried and I will continue to try.

20. How do they handle those headaches/migraines?

I sometimes put headphones in and listen to ambience after taking some medicine, but on some of my bad days I just wait for them to pass, even when it takes a few hours.

21. What tarot card do they connect the most with?

I'm gonna be honest: I know next to nothing about tarot cards.

22. Where were they born?

Tennessee

23. What is their favorite color?

Like a light blue or teal. Specifically though? #41A9B8

24. What is their least favorite color?

This is a tough one. I'm gonna go with like a rusty brown

25. Are they right handed, left handed or ambidextrous?

Right handed

26. What were they like as a child?

This would take a while, but I was a little shit, imo. (Also, kinda hard for me to remember specifically rn)

27. What were their parents like?

My dad's okay, he's not the best but he's doing great. My mom? Well, let's just say my opinion of her has always been pretty decent of her up until around when 2018 started.

28. Do they have any siblings? If the answer is yes how many?

Yes, I have three half brothers, two on my mom's side (who I wish would die) and one on my dad's side.

29. Do they have any other relatives they are close with?

I've got a lot of aunts (dad's side) that I consider myself close with, along with a few cousins. There's also my Grandma and Grandpa (dad's side) that I love a lot. I also have a nephew who's about I wanna say 5 or 6 years old who's a blast to hang out with.

30. What are they afraid of?

Spiders kinda scare me. And a few things associated with low self-esteem that I don't want to mention here.

31. What do they identify as?

I am a Demi-Pansexual dude

32. Do they have any allergies?

None that I know of

33. Do they have any other medical problems?

I can't think of any specifics right now

34. What about mental health issues?

Depression and Anxiety both are self-diagnosed though. I'm waiting until after highschool, or until the age where I can legally keep things like those to myself without having to tell my parents, before I go to get them diagnosed

35. What’s that personal hygiene regimen like?

Showers at least once a day, twice if possible. Remember to try to brush your teeth, too.

36. Favorite rock or gemstone?

Amythest because it's my birthstone

37. Favorite tree?

Redwoods are pretty cool

38. Favorite type of weather?

Not too hot, not too cold and sunny and cloudless or overcast and rainy, depending on mood

39. Least favorite type of weather?

The type of cloudless hot day that just saps your energy away like nothing else

40. What is their favorite season? (remember winter is summer and spring is fall)

Winter

41. How many languages could they speak before the memory loss? How many do they currently speak?

English and very broken French

42. Do they sing or play any instruments?

I sing from time to time (albeit not very good) and I have an ocarina that I really want to take time and learn

43. What do they tend to joke about?

Self-deprecation is my go-to, then there's vine humor and some standup, then just nonsense humor (See: bORGER)

44. After a stressful day how do they relax?

Nap a bit, then some music and/or video games

45. Guilty pleasures?

Idk, I can't think of any. Sonic ‘06, maybe is the closest thing that I have to one.

46. idiosyncrasies?

I guess you could list a lot of the usual ADHD stimming methods. I also adjust my glasses from the side sometimes whenever I’m nervous/anxious or when I want to appear confident. Adjusting my watch on my wrist is also something that I do a lot. I know I have a lot more, but :/

47. How do they act when they first meet someone new? How quickly do they warm up to them?

I can be kinda timid and quiet. I usually try to listen in on conversations involving that person/people to try to find somethings that I can remember and use for initiating conversations, especially if it’s with stuff that I know a bit about. It usually takes two or three semi-long times amd well interactions spent with me for me to start being comfortable around other people. I don't warm up too quickly, unless if you can get through my barriers pretty well

48. In what order would they prioritize Love, fame, money, power, and knowledge?

Love, knowledge, money, power, fame

49. List four or more things they love to do

Draw, read, talk with internet friends, play video games, browse the internet

50. List four or more things they hate to do

doing boring and uninteresting school work, being an unnecessary nuisance, hearing about family drama, engaging in school drama

51. List five or more things they have said that sum up who they are

"I'm laughing my ass off rn because the program the state is using for EOC testing was apparently hacked so we aren't testing today, but when my class heard it almost everyone started looking at me and saying I did it." [...] "Meanwhile: I nearly tripped over my backpack"

"Oh good, we get to make memes of stuff in the Louvre for extra credit. Looks like my grade is about to rise drastically."

"I’m gonna go provoke this cult so I can get asks in my inbox"

“I stole this haircut from a lion”

"I have many problems"

52. How do they react to (both verbal and physical) conflict?

I'm a pacifist so I try to stay out of situations like that (They bring up too many negative memories and emotions for me)

53. What kind of bad habits to they have?

I have a lot of trouble with a perfectionist mentality. It gets me into a lot of sticky situations

54. What kind of character faults do they have?

What even is self-esteem/ self-worth/ self-love????? To me, my needs come last. Self-doubt out the wazoooooo. Tons of unresolved shit. That's barely even scratching the surface.

55. What’s their best trait in their opinion?

I try to have a lot of empathy for people and I want to make people happy, even if I’m not happy.

56. What do they think of their appearance?

I like mine, at least a bit.

57. How do they interact with people in a position of authority?

Honestly, it just depends on the person. If the person in question is a dick, you better believe I’m not going to react well to their face.

58. Who did they look upto as a kid?

Mostly like video game characters from games that I played.

59. How do they interact with kids?

I like kids pretty well.

60. Do they want kids of their own someday?

I don't know. I don't think I'm at a point in my life where I can answer that right now.

61. Are they religious? If so what god/goddess or gods/goddesses do they worship?

I'm agnostic

62. What do they think the meaning of life is?

Idk... Maybe... Self-discovery, in a way.

63. What would they want their last words to be?

There are three roads. Maybe omething meaningful, like "Thank you," maybe something vague and prophetic like, "You won't have to wait much longer," or maybe, just maybe, something like, "I'll be back bitches!!!"

64. What do they want to do before they die?

I want to make at least one game and book that people enjoy and that I will be satisfied with

65. What/how do they want to be remembered for after they die?

I would like to be remembered fondly by people who knew me.

66. How do they express affection?

I'm usually very asocial, so if I make an active effort to maintain communication with someone, then they usually mean something to me. I also send memes and stuff. Also, I try to open up a little more around people that I trust

67. What do they normally eat for breakfast?

It usually just depends on how much time I have in the morning. Can range from poptarts to a slice of toast between two pieces of bread to leftover pizza

68. Do they like spicy food?

Yeah

69. Favorite fruit and or vegetable?

Favorite fruit is probably mandarin oranges and my favorite vegetable is probably carrots

70. Do they like sweets?

On occasion

71. Do they drink alcohol? If they do, what do they act like when their drunk?

Nope, but probably like a damn fool

72. How do they take their tea/coffee?

I like sweet ice tea or maybe some herbal tea with a small bit of sugar or honey. As for coffee, I don't usually drink it, but I can drink it pure black or french vanilla

73. What food would they refuse to eat?

Most things that have a weird texture and/or smell

74. Is there anything they eat that most people would find unappealing?

You ever drink just straight sauces? Like A1 steak sauce or barbecue sauce? Yeah....

75. When going on the road what food could they not live without?

I need me some original ritz

76. What meal gives them a sense of nostalgia?

Not sure about nostalgia, but my school sells fresh-made chocolate chip cookies during lunch on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and I get them a lot when I'm having bad days

77. What do they do when no one’s around?

I sometimes sing and maybe hop around, but I usually just do stuff that I do when people are around (like browse tumblr)

78. How would they react if a prized possession got stolen?

Cry, feel numb, or go ballistic. There is no in-between.

79. What’s the first thing they would buy if they won the lottery?

A better computer, that's for sure

80. What would their favorite modern invention be?

The Nintendo Switch!!

81. In a new unfamiliar place what do they do?

Observe the surroundings from the sidelines before doing anything

82. Someone just threatened them what do they do?

It depends on the situation, but I either brush it off or I take precautionary measures (like a protective order if my life is being threatened)

83. A rather well rich looking woman just dropped her purse and didn’t notice. What do they do?

I might try to give it back.... after I check her wallet and get some cash as an award...

84. What’s the worst thing someone has said to them?

The one that sticks out the most is probably the time when one of my older half-brothers was yelling at me and said that if I ever wonder why people say that I act like a school shooter it's because I act like one most of the time (all this stemmed because I was frustrated over a book recommendation not posting and instead of letting me silently cool down, my mom and brother kept on talking crap about me and I decided to say "Just shut up for a few minutes").

Oh, but there’s also the time when I went with my dad to the divorce case’s hearing to testify against my mom and my brothers and the judge looked at me and said “You’re 16, right? In two  years, you’ll be 18. When I was 18 I was heading to war. So, if you’re gonna cry, go do it somewhere else because I don’t want anyone coming up here and being a crybaby in my courtroom.” That fucking stunned me when he said it.

 85. What is the strangest thing they’ve ever come across?

"can i hear your belly" has to be the weirdest and most unsettling direct message that I have ever gotten from someone who isn't a bot and it haunts me to this day

86. Someone just stole food from them what do they do?

I don't usually eat a lot, so if someone takes food from me I don't really care.

87. They meet a man at a crossroads. The man says they can have everything they’ve ever wanted. What happens next?

I would check to see if there was anything I want to make sure that my family and friends and people who are close to me that haven’t experienced mental illnesses like depression or anxiety to never develop any mental illnesses as long as they live, before anything.

88. As a child what would they say they wanted to be as an adult? ie. When I grow up I’m going to _______

My dream has always been and continues to be to become a successful video game developer and/or producer. I want to help create worlds to escape to when the real world becomes a bit too overbearing.

89. What’s their D&D alignment?

I consider myself a neutral good

90. What is the stupidest thing they’ve ever done?

Oof, that's a long list. Probably entering the crawlspace under my Grandma's house too fast and getting a part of my lower back pretty bad. Boy, did it leave a pretty big scar.

91. Have they ever got in trouble with the law or been arrested?

Nope

92. Do they know how to win a fight?

I like to think so. I'm not going to not play dirty if I feel like I'm in danger. Also try to use the environment to your advantage if possible.

93. Are they good at hand to hand combat?

I dunno. I doubt it, but I haven't really tried.

94. Have they ever stolen something?

I have, but really only minor things and only from people that I hate

95. Have they ever killed someone?

Not yet, :p

96. What/who do they find disgusting?

I can't look at stuff or pictures like decaying stuff (like dead stuff) without gagging

97. What upsets them the most?

Conflict mostly. The thought that I'm bothering people also does it. And I feel odd, to say the least about physical contact.

98. What anime character would they be?

I feel like maybe Fafnir (Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid) or either Shinra or Mikado (Durarara!) could fit me.

99. What disney character would they be?

I didn't really know about this one, so I asked a few of my friends and one of them [the one who actually answered my question with an actual Disney character] said that I remind them of Sora from Kingdom Hearts, on the grounds that I've "got a good heart" and I'm "always confused". It was the nicest thing I've heard all week^^

100. What monster would they be?

Knife-wielding tentacle

101. What mythological figure would they be?

Tbh, I don't know enough mythology off the top of my head to answer this question.

102. List three songs that you associate with them.

Hmm.... this one is very tough for me because there are different songs that define different points in my life... As for songs that kinda aren’t bound by specific points in my life, even if I haven’t known these songs all my life, I'm thinking that these could fit the best here:

ECHO (feat. GUMI) by Crusher-P

Simple Life by Fox Stevenson

Canonball (Mythos Remix) from Megaman Zero 3

Anyway, I hope you now know a little more about me now. Do what you will with the information, I guess  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . It’s really late for me and I’m really tired so I may go ahead and get some sleep for tonight. Have a good one everyone^^ !

[eldritchsurveys]

o82.

[[ Random Survey Questions // By @x-hallie-x ]] 1. When was the last time you just wanted to be alone? What about the last time you really wanted to be around people? >> I don’t remember the last time I wanted either of these things consciously... like, they might be vague thoughts or feelings floating around in my headspace, but I don’t always focus on them. Also, I’m never alone, technically, so I guess there’s that.

2. Have you ever gone somewhere in your pajamas? What makes this acceptable or unacceptable to you? >> Yeah, sure, I used to walk to bodegas and shit in NYC in pajamas quite often. There’s really no point in changing if I’m just walking down the street to get a 40 or a sandwich, like... Also, the only dress requirement for leaving the house in a casual sense is to just be decent -- bits covered, you know. The idea that one must wear a certain kind of clothing in order to be seen outside of one’s domicile isn’t necessarily true. (Now, if I were going to a specific venue that did have a specific mode of dress -- a certain kind of event, say, or a government office, or something, then yes, I would wear the appropriate clothing. But like, no one in your local corner store cares how the fuck you’re dressed as long as you’re dressed.)

3. Other than the usual things like IDs, etc, what do you always carry with you when you go out? >> The only things that are always present with me when I leave the house, no matter where I’m going, are the standard PKW (phone, keys, wallet) and my lip balm. (If it’s daytime, then also sunglasses.)

4. If you were to go on a picnic, what type of setting would you prefer, what types of food would you bring, and would you bring anyone along with you? >> Honestly, anywhere somewhat nature-y is good as far as location is concerned, even if it’s just a municipal park or a place like Union Square (which isn’t a park so much as it’s a... like, town-square kind of construct). I guess the food I’d bring would just be anything portable and easy to eat without needing a table (sandwiches are always good, of course, but even something like a plate from the hot-food spread at Whole Foods is good, I’ve picnicked with that). A lot of my outdoor eating escapades have been alone, so like, it doesn’t matter who’s with me, I guess. Anyone who wants to come.

5. What is one song you feel as though you sing particularly well, if any? >> Guaranteed by Eddie Vedder. I think Eddie and I have a lot of vocal similarities. Which is good, because I love him and his voice. :p

6. Have you ever kept a mood chart or anything like that? Did it help you pick up any useful patterns in your moods? >> I’ve never tried to keep a chart of them, no, especially since I’m not sure what half of my feelings even are, when I do have them.

7. What was the last lengthy task you completed? >> The survey I took yesterday. :p

8. Do you look toward the future or focus more on the here and now? Are you good at being in the moment, or do you always feel drawn to worrying about other things? >> I do a lot better when I only have the present to focus on. It kinda glitches me to think about the future too much, not because of anxiety or anything, but just because it kind of doesn’t make sense to me. I can think about the future in entirely abstract terms, like for the sake of argument or flights of fancy, but not in any concrete sense. It is the greatest great unknown, and I’ve never had any success trying to manipulate it or understand myself through it. I don’t know what I’m going to be doing (or who I will be) in the next hour, and people want me to think about months and years into the future?! Wild. I also think that the way I’ve lived the past decade-plus before moving here made thinking about the future really difficult for me, because I was really living from day to day. When I’m concerned about where I’m going to sleep from night to night, planning for a future seems like a luxury rather than a fact of life. But also, I guess... I just like to focus on what I’m doing right now. I like to be present here. I have a pretty deep-set confidence that the future will take care of itself as long as I take care of the present, but if I focus too much on the future then I will have missed the plot entirely. I feel more secure when I focus on the present. It is the only point in time in which I truly exist.

9. What does it mean to you to have empathy? Do you think you’re an empathetic person? >> I’m not really sure what empathy means anymore, to be honest. I definitely don’t consider myself an empathetic person, by any of the definitions that I’ve heard. I think I can empathise with fictional characters, because I’m a storyteller and jumping into the heads of characters is kind of integral to telling honest stories... but actual people in front of me, not so much. (Characters are a lot less complex by design, anyway. Kind of like the difference between Sims and people -- Sims’ needs and motivations are pretty obvious and predictable, whereas people are... wild cards, a lot of the time.)

10. What was the last thing you did that was particularly selfish? What about selfLESS? >> I’m really not sure. 

11. What is something about your life that is currently beyond your control? >> The weather, lmao. I’m watching it get real cloudy real fast and I’m like “but... I want the sun... :(” The weather don’t care what I want. ... Annnnnd it just started raining. Pfft.

12. What is one small thing you could do to change about your life for the better? >> Eating healthier is always the top option. I mean, I don’t eat badly or anything, it’s just that there’s always improvement to be made in that area. But I also understand that obsessing over my consumption is actually just as counterproductive, so I try not to make a big deal out of it, and just enjoy what I’m eating. We all gotta die of something anyway, I guess. It might as well taste good, or else what is really even the point.

13. What type of photography do you enjoy looking at? Do you take any photos yourself, and if so, what types of things do you prefer to photograph? >> I like urban photography -- not necessarily shiny cityscapes, but more like... street-level urban, like of old abandoned buildings and back alleys and people sitting on stoops and just city life. I like various landscapes, especially deserts/tundras, and marshes and complex ecosystems. And I like photography that evokes certain Moods(tm), whether it be because of the content or because of the lighting or the framing or... whatever. It’s definitely that “I know it when I see it” kind of thing. I don’t really take photos of anything except myself and random things I want to show people, I guess.

14. Have you ever gone out for the black friday shopping rush? Did you enjoy it, or not so much? Or, what’s the busiest shopping day you’ve ever experienced? >> I have never been shopping on Black Friday, but I have been just out and about while it was happening. I don’t really care for that kind of thing -- I like the sales and stuff, but I don’t like the mad rush. It just makes me feel kinda... alienated, like, in a “this is what life is?” kind of way. Just a deeply personal feeling, nothing against the whole concept.

15. Do you enjoy reading diaries or stories you wrote from when you were younger, or does it embarrass you? If you’ve kept them, was there a particular reason for hanging on to them so long? >> I do enjoy reading those things, and I wish I had more of them, but the ones that were on paper have been lost for a long time and a lot of the internet sites I used in the beginning are no longer active and the content has been lost (or I can’t find it anymore). My old deviantART accounts are pretty much the oldest content of mine that still exists on the internet in a form that I can access, and although a lot of that stuff is definitely amusing, I can’t imagine finding it embarrassing. 

16. What would you say was your first true hobby? What about your most recently developed one? >> Drawing, maybe? I don’t know. My most recently developed one is probably MMO gaming.

17. Is there one thing that throws off your mood more than others, whether it be lack of sleep, lack of food, heat // cold, etc? & when was the last time you felt especially cranky? >> I’m not sure, since keeping track of my moods isn’t something I really do with any success or skill. Maybe sensory overload -- that’s always a reliable mood-tanker, and a lot of my inexplicable moodiness/mental exhaustion can probably be attributed to just being overloaded. The last time I felt cranky was last evening, and I’m not sure why, but it probably had something to do with being frustrated about Dragon Age Inquisition being broken and then like... some low-grade dissatisfaction with life or something. Nothing worth making a mountain out of.

18. What are some ways you deal with stress? Are these healthy or helpful to you? >> Distraction is usually my method. Playing video games, watching tv or youtube, slam-dunking myself into a pile of plushies, making origami stars and listening to music, that sort of thing. And yeah, I think distracting myself from stress is pretty healthy for me, since it lowers the cortisol and enables me to approach whatever is stressing me out later on without the heightened emotional response. (Although, also, a fair amount of my stress isn’t based on anything that’s solvable or like... worth even giving attention, so the distraction enables me to refocus my energies onto something actually worth doing, so then later I can just be like “lmao that wasn’t even a big deal” and go on with my life.)

19. What advice, if any, would you give someone else in your situation? >> I’m not sure what situation I’m in, lmao.

20. In general, are you the type to feel comfortable giving advice? Has anyone ever come to you for advice and you had no idea what to tell them? >> I feel comfortable giving it if it’s an area I feel experienced or skilled in. Otherwise I’ll just flat-out say that I don’t have any advice, or point them to someone that might.

21. What is one common area of life in which you feel you have little to no experience (college, children, marriage, etc)? >> Definitely college, I can’t even... like, fathom college. What is college even like??? All I have to go by is movies and shit, lmao. I’ve not been married yet, so that’ll be a new experience (although I strongly suspect it won’t be too much different from being unmarried, aside from getting accustomed to using a different set of words to describe my relationship). I have no experience in not being poor, since I’ve never not been poor. This is the most not-poor I’ve felt, but like, that’s not because of anything that’s changed in my personal finances. I just live in a cooperative household.

22. What kinds of things are you likely to complain about? >> I don’t know, really. I don’t do a whole lot of complaining unless it’s a quick vent and then I move on (or unless someone I’m talking to is bitching about something and I’m like “OMG SAME” and we have a little bitchfest lmao). I don’t really like to focus on stuff like that.

23. Besides money, what is something you would like to have more of in your life? >> Meatspace socialisation.

24. What types of blogs do you like to follow? If you have a tumblr, how has your blogging style changed over the years, if at all? >> I follow over 900 blogs, I don’t even know what my “type” is. I just follow whatever looks good at the time, and then unfollow if I get bored of the content or whatever. I think my blogging style has changed in the sense that I’m not as... talkative? I used to make a lot more text posts on my personal and then I kind of just... stopped. I’m trying to get back into it lately, varying up my content, appearing more like a person instead of just a reblog bot.

25. Do you like to put any extra effort into your food in terms of presentation, or do you prefer to just put it on a plate and eat it as it is, no frills? >> I don’t, because I... I don’t know, executive dysfunction, I guess. Also, like... I don’t have the stuff I want, like the kind of dishes I like, etc, and the kitchen is small and disorganised and usually I just want to get out of it as quickly as possible and yeah, I can’t be bothered with making my food look nice when I can barely be bothered with making food, period. I do like presentation and all of that, I think it’s great and definitely adds to the joy of eating. It’s just... not something I can do right now.

26. When was the last time you were mean or rude to someone else? How about the last time someone acted that way toward you? >> I don’t remember. I don’t think I’m especially rude in general, I’m just straightforward and I think people prefer sweeter tones or whatever. I’d rather put my social energy into saying what I mean rather than saying it in a way that makes everyone feel warm and fuzzy, or whatever, I don’t know. It’s just not a priority of mine to sound “nice”. It’s never been. I don’t remember the last time someone was rude to me, mostly because I forget shit like that really easily. It’s low on the importance scale.

27. What kinds of things are most likely to make you lose your temper? Have you ever done something regrettable or embarrassing while angry? >> It’s really hard to get me to lose my temper completely, which is good, because I already give an aggressive impression -- imagine what it’s like when I’m actually feeling aggressive. I’ve definitely done things that I would rather not have done when I’m angry, which is another reason why it’s good I don’t get angry often.

28. What has stood out about this day in particular? Has this day been an average day in terms of what you usually experience? >> Well, it’s still only 11a. That random two-minute rain was interesting (it’s now partly-cloudy again), but that’s it so far, really. This is a pretty average day.

29. How would you describe your current mood? Do you experience a lot of highs and lows or are your moods relatively stable? What is the most your mood has changed in a day? >> My mood is my normal baseline, which is... no mood. Like, I really don’t have a mood most of the day, unless something specific happens to change it. I kind of exist in a comfortable greyness most of the time, with little spikes here and there.

30. Do you remember what it was that got you into taking surveys in the first place, or why you initially decided to stick with them? Where did you originally start out taking surveys? Are there any blogs you recommend (lol, I’m always looking for more surveys!)? >> Man, I have noooo idea. It was over 10 years ago by now, so surveys really just feel like a permanent fixture in my life. I think I first took them on MySpace? That seems likely. And I’m in the same boat as you, I think, lmao -- I just take the ones in the tag or on LJ or whatever the “random” function on Bzoink gives me that isn’t terrible (there are so many bad surveys on that site lmfao).

[fedine]

Answer all of them

Under a cut! This is a long one!!

1: Do they drink coffee?

I don’t think so; though I do think he enjoys the occasional Starbucks drink.

2: Are they left or right handed?

Right handed!

3: How do they do their hair? Facial hair? (If they have it)

His hair is super long! I’ve seen some pictures of him where he has it tied back, but not too many more recently. It looks messy but it is really really cute! I want to brush it or just run my fingers through it a lot. He also does grow some of his facial hair out! I like it a lot.

4: What’s their favorite animal?

Well, going off his fursona, I’m going to go with a wolf.

5: What is their relationship status?

Taken by me!

6: What is their favorite band/singer?

A weird thing about our relationship is that we don’t really talk about or share music too much, but we know we have similar music tastes! I also know he likes Death Grips.

7: Are they more a cat or dog person?

Dog person!

8: What does their laugh sound like?

Ohh, gosh! I love his laugh so much! He also has several of them, ranging from: “This is a horrible picture and I’m showing it to you now,” “This is a horrible picture and I’m NOT going to show it to you,” and my personal favorite is his really really loud laugh he does when some meme he sees gets really weird/bad or we keep adding onto it ourselves.

9: Do they know multiple languages? Which ones?

He used to take French, so he knows a little bit, but he isn’t fluent. 

10: How old are they? How old are you?

He is just a year younger than me. 13 months, to be exact!

11: One word that describes them.

I can’t possibly choose one word, but honestly my favorite one to describe him as is “warm” because I see it in his eyes in pictures he sends and when we video chat. He makes me feel like I’m at home with him, even if we’re so far apart.

12: Do they have any pets?

A German shepherd mix named Winston! I hear him a lot in the background of our calls.

13: What is their favorite TV show?

He really liked Bojack Horseman! He binged it around the time we got together. We also like watching shows together that we never finish… Though, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood was one we did finish, and we both loved it! He also really likes Dragonball Z, and Bleach!

14: What is their favorite movie?

Oh, that’s a hard one because he REALLY likes movies and film theory and stuff, but I’m pretty sure it’s a Marvel movie. He also told me one time that he likes Studio Ghibli movies a lot, but he talks about Marvel movies a lot more.

15: What car do they drive?

He does not drive.

16: What ethnicity and/or nationality are they? 

He’s Australian! 

17: Where did you meet them?

I met him online, after he joined my guild in World of Warcraft. I had been a member for a year already, and I believe I had just gotten back from an extended break from Horde side. He was very new to the game, and also very shy at first, but he joined up with us because he wanted to try role play, as well as raiding. He was at a large, server-wide event that I went to as well, but it took him a while to get into the Discord voice chat. He’s very shy! Once he got in though, we hit it off really well! Soon we had begun to spend nearly every waking moment together. Also, we haven’t stopped doing that. It’s been about a year since we started that. 

18: What was your first meeting like?

Would you believe me if I said it was almost an argument? I’d been healing a long time, and he loved to tank, so we each thought our own roles were the most important in a raid/dungeon environment. “A tank keeps the mobs off the healer, so they aren’t overwhelmed;” “A tank won’t last long without a healer.” Well, now we know that both of the roles are much weaker on their own, and they are only really at their peak when they have the other with them. Still, that has not stopped him from saving the raid in huge manners as he’s the last tank alive and the boss is at 1% HP. Of course, I’ve saved the raid too, just in much more subtle manners!

19:  What is their zodiac sign? Are your signs compatible?

I’m a Virgo and he’s a Libra. So, yes, I do believe that they are!

20: What month is their birthday?

October! That was already my favorite month of the year before I even met him!

21: What is your favorite outfit on them?

Whatever he’s most comfortable in! 

22: Are they good texters?

He’s very good! He’s a quick typer, and messages me “Good morning!” if I don’t get to it first every day! He types with the correct capitalization, too, which I find very cute for some reason, but that may be just because it’s him.

23: Your favorite feature about their appearance.

Oh, hmmm… I love the way he looks, and it’s hard to choose just one thing. His eyes, maybe? I did already go over that, as well as his hair… You know what, I’m going to keep talking about his eyes. They’re two beautiful shades of blue, and every time he sends me a picture of him I can see how much he loves me in them, and sometimes I have to make an effort to not be overwhelmed by it. In a good way!

24: Your favorite thing about their personality.

He’s a big sweetheart, and a huge goofball! He knows how to make me laugh and feel better whenever I’m not in a good mood.

25: Do they make you laugh?

Every single day! 

26: Do you make them laugh?

Yes, I do! We have very similar senses of humor. Sometimes it’s awful. I love it all the time, though!

27: Are they good huggers/ kissers?

Even though we’re long distance, yes. He is, and I know he is. 

28: What is your favorite “flaw” that they have?

He’s a degenerate. It’s really funny though. I love how chaotic he is.

29: Are they nice to strangers?

He is VERY shy, but yes, he is! He’s extremely sweet and kind.

30: What is the funniest thing they have ever said?

Honestly, he’s just the funniest person ever and makes me crack up every single day. Sometimes he just randomly says whatever comes to his mind. Today I really liked his joke about that redesign for the new Incredibles movie. Something about weed. We’ve been making a lot of weed jokes today.

31: Saddest?

Also from today: he didn’t know what a buffalo was. He thought they were different from bison. I was eating buffalo jerky from 5 years ago and he thought it was a brand of jerky. He also thought they were extinct.

32: Weirdest?

Literally any vore joke he has ever made. 

33: Cutest?

Gosh, just trying to pick one thing is so difficult... But when he tells me he loves me and how he can’t wait to see me? When he tells me about dreams he has with me in them? It makes my heart melt.

34: Ever dreamt about them? What happened in the dream?

Recently I posted about a dream I had about him and I just kissing each other. Nothing super exciting sounding, but gosh, I want to experience it so bad.

35: How tall are they? How tall are you?

I am... 5′4″... He is... 6′5″... 

36: Do they have a booty?

I do not know. He has only sent me selfies of just his face or completely front facing. I can only assume. Doesn’t matter though! 

37: What are their hobbies?

Video games. He really likes World of Warcraft (of course!), Fallout: New Vegas, Grand Theft Auto V, Elder Scrolls Online, Overwatch, Quake Champions, and Pokemon!

38: What are their talents?

He’s has amazing reflexes, honestly. He uses them for gaming, and because of it, he’s amazingly good at just about any game he plays. 

39: What would your dream date be with them?

A physical one, where we are next to each other.

40: Does anyone know about your crush/love?

I make it a point to make sure everyone knows.

41: What do you guys have in common?

Pretty much everything, really. From sense of humor, taste in music, and favorite video games for the most part. We also share the same sexual orientation, and we have yet to disagree on politics.

42: Do they go to the gym?

No, but he exercises just about every day! If he doesn’t do a whole bunch of jumping jacks his legs start to get sore.

43: Do they go by their given name?

Yes and no. Since we’re in a World of Warcraft guild, we both go by screen names, so no one there calls him his real name but me. Same thing with just about everything online, though. Other than that though, he does.

44: What is their favorite color?

He really loves orange! Orange and white is one of his favorite color schemes. It makes me think of orange creamsicles!

45: How far apart do you live from them?

About 572 miles-- roughly an eight and a half hour drive. 

46: What song reminds you of them?

Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawk

47: Do they listen to a lot of music?

I think so, but I think he listens to more random YouTube videos than anything.

48: What do they smell like?

He gave me his jacket for Valentine’s Day, and when I first got it I just held it up to my face and smelled it for a good while because it was the first time I got to experience what he smelled like. I can’t really describe his scent, because I’m not good with words in that way, but I just know that it’s my favorite scent in the whole world.

49: If they were in a book (protagonist or antagonist or supporting character, up to you) how would the writer describe them?

If it were up to me, I would describe him as accurately as possible. Still, I only really know his personality the best, so that’s what I would describe the most. I think he would be a protagonist, as well. He’s my protagonist, anyway.

50: How often do you see them?

We talk every day-- I’m talking to him right now! But as for actually seeing him, I look at every picture he has sent me of himself every night. There’s about... 22 of them that I have, including a video, but there’s one I missed of him in Australia in a “had to do it to em” pose. I’m still sad I lost that one. 

51: The last text/ message they sent you?

It was a Sorlag skin from Quake Champions. As for a text message from Discord, it was a “Call me!”

52: The last thing they said to you in person?

:(

53: What is the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you in front of them?

I once said “Heal, boy!” to him while we were leveling in WoW together because his health was low and he wasn’t paying attention, but it came off as “Heel, boy!” like he was a dog... The more embarrassing bit though about it was that one or two of our friends were there as well.

54: Do they have any tattoos or piercings?

To my knowledge, no, but I seriously doubt it.

55: What color are their eyes?

Blue gray! 

56: What is their clothing style?

Comfortable: jeans and graphic T-shirts! That I plan to steal...

57: What is one thing that makes them really special?

Literally everything about him. He’s the most special person to me, and I love him for every single thing. 

58: Will you tell your crush your feelings?

Alright, gonna be honest, I'm a bi wlw, and I was content to never say a damn thing about any feeling I ever felt, so I’m thankful every day that he did, because I was very ready to take my feelings to the grave and pine after him forever.

59: How long did you know them before you started falling for them?

Probably like a day or something. It didn’t take long to start liking him-- even when we were alone in the server voice chats that day I felt comfortable around him.

60: Was there a defining moment when you knew you liked them?

Sort of! I don’t remember the exact details, but I do remember messaging one of my best friends about it immediately. I was pretty vague about it to her. Something like: “Yeah, I think I’m in love with someone in the voice chat...” And she knew immediately who. I guess I was obvious, though.

[feycreature]

All Of Them (multiples of 3 work tho dhdhgfj)

@furrybarista asked for a few as well but here we are

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

last person i dmed? yeah

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

every day

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

nope

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

not really

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

ive hung out with One person recently

6. What are you excited for?

dnd in about 2 hours!

7. What happened tonight?

well tonight im playing dnd, last night i finished watching dread?

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

i think its uncomfortable to be around anyone whos really wasted, idk about disgusting

9. Is confidence cute?

yes

10. What is the last beverage you had?

i currently have a strawberry smoothie from pulp

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

thats a difficult question to answer when i and almost all of my friends are trans and thats confusingly worded in this context

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

yes

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

either play video games or dnd, probably

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

probably starbucks

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

nope

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

absolutely

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

probably dante or luca

18. The last time you felt broken?

i prefer not to think about that because its very often

19. Have you had sex today?

no

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

not that i can think of rn

21. Are you in a good mood?

yeah!

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

yes!

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

probably? idk i try to avoid eye contact with him

24. What do you want right this second?

to kiss my boyfriend

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

well, given that i know You, dante, you wouldnt just go and kiss someone else without talking to me about it, and assuming a conversation about that happened, i would be supportive of that endeavor

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

sort of? its still brown on the sides but i dyed it red a couple months ago so its pink on top

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

probably not

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE I WANNA HUG AND NEVER LET GO SO IM JUST GONNA MAKE A KATAMARI OF LOVE

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

ALL MY FRIENDS

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

depends what they did and how they feel about it

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

THE LAST BOY I WAS TALKING TO WAS U DANTE

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

I SURE HOPE U DO

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

i Rarely drink soda

34. Listening to?

in one ear by cage the elephant

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

yep!

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

not specifically

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

nope

38. Who did you last call?

my mom probably

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

uhhh i think booker in 8th grade. i dont dance

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

because we were dating and we wanted to

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

last night

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

nope

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

i embarrass myself in front of everyone, all the time

44. Do you tan in the nude?

i have a goddamn farmer’s tan

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

nope!

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

yeah

47. Who was the last person to call you?

also my mom, probably

48. Do you sing in the shower?

yes

49. Do you dance in the car?

yeah,

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

i have an archery range in my basement

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

school photos last year

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

YES AND I LOVE THEM

53. Is Christmas stressful?

yes but purely bc of family interaction

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

all the time??

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

apple

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

uhh i wanted to be an astronaut for a while

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

yeah

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

who doesnt

59. Take a vitamin daily?

nope

60. Wear slippers?

nah

61. Wear a bath robe?

i own one, dont wear it often

62. What do you wear to bed?

t shirt and pjam pants

63. First concert?

owl city

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

walmart i guess?

65. Nike or Adidas?

i own a pair of adidas shoes thats abt it66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

fritos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

sunflower seeds

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

no.

69. Ever take dance lessons?

nope

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

i forget the exact words but the cool nerd stuff u do,

71. Can you curl your tongue?

yes

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

never been in one

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

all the time

74. What is your favorite book?

lame but the great gatsby

75. Do you study better with or without music?

i dont study well, period

76. Regularly burn incense?

hate it

77. Ever been in love?

i am right now!

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

other than the artists ive already seen in concert: icon for hire, walk the moon, bastille, cage the elephant, and steam powered giraffe

79. What was the last concert you saw?

fall out boy! the mania tour! apparently cleveland was the start of the tour so i was in the first group of people to ever hear expensive mistakes!

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

iced

81. Tea or coffee?

tea

82. Favorite type of cookie?

uhhh the really good sugar cookies i learned to make off tumblr

83. Can you swim well?

id like to think so

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

didnt know there were people who cant

85. Are you patient?

on a good day

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

dj

87. Ever won a contest?

yeah

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

nope

89. Which are better black or green olives?

depends in what

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

go for it

91. Best room for a fireplace?

living room

92. Do you want to get married

probably 

[blouisparadise]

We received an anon request for bottom Louis/top Harry fics that are smutty and 15k words or less, so here you go! These are in order by length.

Enjoy this VERY long rec list!!

1) Give and Take | Explicit | 1837 words

Sometimes Louis just needs.

2) Precious Little Diamond (I’ll Give It All To You) | Explicit | 2044 words

Alpha!Harry/omega!Louis PWP written for this textpost: Established relationship H/L with alpha!Harry just popping his knot in omega!louis and it’s his favourite part; just laying down and cuddling as they mate but louis just wriggles around in his lap until he can grab his xbox controller and starts playing video games with Harry still inside him and Harry’s like “??!?????!???!!!???” And louis’ like “oh shush it takes forever” and scores a goal on the game

3) Lips Are Like The Galaxy’s Edge | Explicit | 2360 words

Harry licks over Louis’ hole slowly, deliberately, and his tongue is like velvet and Louis’ skin is burning at every junction where Harry touches him and it’s all so good he thinks he might cry. He licks a few more times, moaning softly like he’s relishing the taste of Louis and that’s just, well, fuck.

4) Louder Louder | Explicit | 2931 words

There's really only one way to get Louis out of a mood this terrible, and Harry is prepared to sacrifice his entire evening if necessary.

5) Reckless | Explicit | 3028 words

Harry thinks it's criminal, the way Louis looks in his suit, sharp and expensive.

The feeling's mutual, judging by the way that (at his mother's wedding, no less) Louis leans in and says, "I bet you can fuck me without ruining that suit."

Harry does his best.

6) Handprints And Good Grips | Explicit | 3330 words

Harry wants to pull them down and suck him off. Harry wants to never take them off and eat him out over the lace. Harry wants to push them aside and fuck the imprint right into Louis’ body.

7) Lagrangian Point | Explicit | 4055 words

They find each other again the night of Valentine's Day.

8) It’s Your Soul That I’m Caught In Yet You Don’t Hear Me Call Your Name | Mature | 4433 words

The one in which Harry goes out for a run in the early morning rain without telling Louis and Louis wakes up alone, cold and needy.

9) Painless With Immense Distance | Not Rated | 3793 words

“You know when we talked about kinks and stuff awhile back and you said you wanted to try something?” Harry continues with a devious grin. Louis’s a bit lost and he tries to think about exactly what Harry is thinking about which honestly could be a handful of things.

“Prostate massage?” Harry asks like it’s as common as the sky is blue.

10) All That Glitters Is Gold | Explicit | 4505 words

Louis is an exotic dancer in a club that is really, really not Harry's scene, but there's something about gold skin shimmering with glitter and a perfect bum in tiny shorts swaying around on a stripper pole that's simply magnetic. If shy little Harry becomes a regular here, then that's his business. And if Louis develops a soft spot for his favorite gentlemanly patron, then that's his business too.

11) Feel The Need | Explicit  | 4898 words

Louis and Harry attend Liam's Halloween party. Risky Business ensues.

12) In That Bright White Noise | Explicit | 5060 words

Blind dates are usually destined to go terribly, so Louis doesn't exactly trust his friends when they say they've set him up with Gemma's younger brother, Harry, at an evening bonfire they're attending. Luckily, Harry's much hotter and kinder than Louis thought he'd be, which is a relief. He's also really fucking good at sex, which is just a wonderful bonus.

13) Hook’s Intention | Explicit | 5156 words

Harry hadn’t realized what, exactly, being the Captain Hook to Louis’ Peter Pan would entail.

14) Just Like Live Wires | Explicit | 5427 words

Harry climbs into Louis' bed when he's cold. Louis pines.

15) Oops, I Like You | Explicit | 5571 words

He thrives in the attention, at the knowledge he makes these boys with their tattooed dicks and pierced whatevers, so hot and bothered. These boys with their confident smirks and broad shoulders and hands, touching Louis wherever they can. Louis reduces them all to a wet, moaning, mess, every time.

Usually he doesn’t see those guys again. It’s not generally part of the plan.

But then Harry tightens his grip on the back of Louis’ neck and Louis ducks his head to taste the sweat beading under Harry’s chin, kissing the ink curling up Harry’s neck, then kissing his way down to get his mouth on the god forsaken nipple piercings. He listens to the way Harry breathes his name, and for the first time silently asks, Can I keep him?

16) Incalescent | Explicit | 5649 words

The onset of heat is something Louis still hasn’t learned to recognize.

17) Folded Up All Pretty (Fit Into You) | Explicit | 5655 words

“Missed me?” Harry laughs into his mouth, and it ought to be awkward with the way Louis’ tongue pushes at his teeth and the stretched out corners of his mouth, but really, it isn’t.

18) ‘Cause Lately I’ve Been Waking Up Alone | Explicit / 5667 words

Harry gives Louis a very special sex toy for an early birthday present, and Louis uses it on Skype when Harry's in LA.

19) Power Inside | Explicit | 5861 words

Louis wrinkles his nose and pokes Harry again. “You want a baby,” he repeats.

Again, Harry frowns. “Uh, yeah, Lou, I want a baby. So do you.”

Where is this even going. Harry honestly has no clue.

Abruptly, Louis stops frowning and practically throws himself off of Harry, splaying himself out on his side of the bed, arms spread wide. “Okay. Let’s make a baby, then.”

Can eyebrows get permanently attached to a hairline? Harry has a feeling he’s going to find out. “You do realize - ” he starts.

“Yes, Harry, I realize,” Louis says, stroking his fingers over the inside of his own thigh, ruking his shorts up. “You gonna shut up about it and give me a baby or am I gonna have to go out and find someone else to fulfill my deepest desires?”

He’s a nutjob. He’s a complete nutjob. Harry’s in love with a complete nutjob.

20) Throw Me In The Deep End | Mature | 5914 words

The one where Harry is a very ferocious pirate captain and Louis is a mighty scoundrel in need of some good dicking.

21) Heart Beats Slow (I Wish You) | Explicit | 6011 words

The one where Louis loves panties and Harry loves Louis.

22) Spark A New Flame | Explicit | 6100 words

Louis is nineteen, Harry is twenty-one, and it's not all that hard to figure out what happens when they both go clubbing.

23) Want It All The Time, Need It Every Day (Explicit | 6306 words

Louis visits LA a week before the boys head to Australia for On The Road Again.

He and Harry have some catching up to do.

24) Like You Hate Me | Explicit | 6541 words

“You have poor taste for someone with the last name Styles,” he says, turning to show the back of his pants to Harry—the pants Harry had just stitched his name across last night to keep this type of thing from happening again.

Of course, he’s accomplished nothing but indirectly making himself pop a stiffy over Louis fucking Tomlinson.

25) You Drive Me Wild (You Know You Do) | Explicit | 6632 words

Louis flirts with the Australian interviewers and Harry gets possessive.

26) Once Like A Spark | Explicit | 6789 words

Louis is a bartender, and Harry is just his type.

27) Glimpse Of The Silhouettes | Explicit | 7181 words

Harry isn't sure what the rules are for this. It's hard to believe that there are any, that's there's a handbook just waiting for him to buy: why is my best mate getting hard in my lap when I touch his arse?

28) Back Where I Belong | Explicit | 7217 words

Harry’s trying to have a conversation with Nick, who he hasn’t seen in nearly three months, but the way Nick’s eyes keep darting over his shoulder every few seconds is quite distracting.

It’s ironic, because at least a quarter of the reason that he’s even talking to Nick in the first place is because he needs a distraction. He’s all too aware of exactly what’s going on behind his back.

Nick is the one who finally brings it up. “Do you think he’s doing it to spite you?”

“He’s definitely doing it to spite me,” Harry answers tightly, resisting the urge to crane his neck around so he can see. He clutches his drink a little tighter, trying to keep his tenuous control over his own movements.

29) There’s Magic In This Life | Explicit | 7326 words

Harry comes out to the band as bisexual on a Tuesday.

30) A Virgin To That Money | Explicit | 7366 words

AU. Harry and Louis are broke university students who hate each other and make a sex tape. (In which Louis gets fucked a lot, Harry can't find the camera, and the road to falling in love is different for everyone.)

31) That Ugly Ass Yellow Shirt | Explicit | 7502 words | Sequel 1 | Sequel 2 | Sequel 3

"This," says Louis, holding up a shirt from the box, "is the ugliest fucking shirt I've ever seen."

32) Rated R | Explicit | 7635 words

Louis gifts Harry with a surprise sex tape, and it accidentally makes its way into Harry's family Christmas party. Ridiculousness ensues.

33) Read You Like A Book | Explicit | 8089 words

Louis realises Harry can read his mind. He'll do anything to make Harry admit it. Set during the North American leg of the WWA tour.

34) Love To Make Him Moan | Explicit | 8106 words

Note: This fic is locked to AO3 users.

They fuck like they're sex starved, when they're really, really not.

35) Cease the Day | Explicit | 8195 words

In which 1D Day takes on a whole new meaning.

Instead of a seven hour livestream, the One Direction team deem it more profitable to offer an entire day spent with any one member of the band for the highest bidder. What happens when the same buyer wins both Louis and Harry for a day?

36) Forever, Uninterrupted | Explicit | 8578 words

Harry finds a mysterious picture in Louis' bag one night and drives himself crazy over it. It's definitely not what he thinks.

37) Makes Perfect | Explicit | 8610 words

"What if you practiced on like, a mannequin?" Louis presses. "Or one of those blow up sex dolls? Or even just like, I don't know, a pillow or something. Whatever it'd fit around."

Harry tilts his head thoughtfully, curls catching the light so entrancingly that Louis finds himself reaching up to push his fingers through them. "It's different, though, innit? When it's a real person. A pillow won't snog me."

"Why should it?" says Louis. "You can't even take its bra off."

38) Make A Run, Cause Some Rebellion | Explicit | 8824 words

As a general rule, kitten hybrids are small and disinterested in what other people want them to do, slightly evil and at least a little manipulative. Louis prides himself on being all of those things to varying degrees, but especially on being uninterested in what other people tell him to do. He’s still human goddammit, despite his pointy ears and penchant for curling up in the sun and taking naps.

He’s going about his daily business, knocking things over where he sees fit and leaving a trail of mess in his wake. As exasperated as it makes Liam he’s used to it by now, having shared a flat with Louis for almost three years now, and if Louis whines enough he’ll even clean up after him. It’s a great life, really.

With the exception of Liam’s stupid, broad shouldered, entirely too big mate, the one who always comes over to watch sports with him. Louis hates that guy. His hair is always greasy and he brings weird hipster beer with him when he comes that tastes like shit. And he won’t even let Louis have any of it, either. The only reason Louis even knows what it tastes like is because one time he stole a bottle from the fridge and fled to his room before Harry could catch him.

39) Been Gone Way Too Long | Explicit | 8836 words

“This can’t be happening,” Louis says, banging his hand against the window. “This seriously can’t be happening right now.”

Things like this only happen in the movies. Things like this don’t happen in real life. There’s no way that he’s seriously been snowed in. There’s no way that the heating is broken. There’s no way that it’s going to take upwards of twenty-four hours and probably a lot longer for the storm to break and someone to come and rescue them.

“Just sit down, Louis,” Harry sighs from somewhere behind him. He sounds miserable, like he’s already feeling the cold.

Louis whirls around and points a finger at him. “Did you plan this?” he demands a little hysterically. He regrets the question as soon as it’s out of his mouth, but he thinks he’s got a valid point. It’s not like this storm just came out of nowhere - it has to have been on the news for a couple of days, at least. Plenty of time for Harry to have canceled this excursion.

40) We Wreak Havoc With Our Hearts | Explicit | 9417 words

Harry finds that he can't keep things separate; neither can Louis.

41) Come A Little Closer | Explicit | 9867 words

Louis puts on lingerie. It's not, like, a thing.

42) Just Walk My Way | Explicit | 10271 words

Louis is a Victoria's Secret Angel, and Harry is the main act of the night.

43) Anything Goes | Explicit | 10275 words

Harry probably shouldn't be amused that Louis has a death grip on his hand and is dragging away from an event that, you know, they should be at. And he still probably shouldn't have that god awful smirk plastered to his face when Louis shoves him into the bathroom and steps in before locking the door.

44) You Are My Favorite Place | Explicit | 10347 words

It had gutted Harry when he saw the headlines splashed across the gossip rags, the ones proclaiming the house he planned to make their home in LA was a bachelor pad. With both of them doing more producing and writing, Harry knew that they would need a place here so they wouldn't have to travel so much. As soon as he'd seen it and how remote it was, he knew it would be perfect.

It was so much more than some stupid bachelor pad.

45) Right Side of the Wrong Bed | Explicit | 10902 words

The one where Louis wakes up on the wrong couch only to meet his future husband (even if Harry doesn't know it yet).

46) Bite | Explicit | 10980 words

Louis is a vampire hunter, and Harry is too happy being his prey.

47) The Sweat On Your Skin | Explicit | 11014 words

Louis is certain there's no better way to come down from a post-gym high than a naked romp in the bed with his favorite workout partner.

48) Gnossiene | Explicit | 11276 words

Louis sets a challenge for himself; it gets a bit out of hand.

49) Can’t Blame Gravity | Explicit | 11931 words

Note: Mentions of bottom Harry.

That time in 2015, when Harry went MIA around Louis’ birthday.

50) End Of The World Tonight | Explicit | 12069 words

“You remember when you told me that you wanted to live with me for the rest of your life?” Louis asks. His voice trembles a bit, exposing exactly how much he hates what he’s about to do. How much he wishes that he wasn’t about to do it.

“I remember,” Harry says. His expression is a little lost, like he thinks that they’re about to have a fight and he’s not sure what they’re supposed to be fighting about. Louis closes his eyes because he has to, has to take a second to regain his courage. He can’t keep doing this. He can’t keep suffering, can’t keep killing himself trying to hide this. He’s ready. He’s been ready for a long time.

51) Won’t See It Coming Til It’s Already Gone | Explicit | 12631 words

“Tell me that this is a fake,” Peter says, slapping a handful of papers against Louis’ chest. He says something else, something loud and demanding, barely even pausing for a breath, but Louis doesn’t hear it. All he hears is the sound of his own breathing, the sound of his own heartbeat.

Because this - this looks like a marriage certificate.

For a minute, everything stills, quiets. Louis drags his eyes up, meets Harry’s gaze, fixed on him.

Then the noise is back, shouting voices clamoring to be heard over each other, and Harry is still staring at him.

The ring that Louis hadn’t been able to stop noticing in the loo weighs heavily on his hand. His left hand.

52) Doesn’t Have To Be A Real Thing | Explicit | 12532 words

In which Harry helps Louis get over his ex and it kind of becomes a regular thing. It’s totally casual – they have an understanding. But what happens to Harry when Nick reappears in Louis’ life?

53) Let’s Take the World By Storm | Explicit | 14656 words

Harry lifts his head off Louis' chest to look at Louis' face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

“I don’t know, but our sex life feels a bit boring, ‘sall,” Louis says, completely avoiding eye contact.

“Boring.” Harry says flatly. He doesn’t say anything more, and Louis looks up to see that Harry seems to be mulling it over.

“Yeah, boring," Louis says, and keeps talking before Harry can pipe up. “I mean, think about it. We’ve been dating since X Factor, and now things are starting to drag a bit. We don’t even have the time for handjobs anymore, much less actual sex.”

54) Put It On Me | Explicit | 14890 words

Harry's bachelor party doesn't go as planned.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.