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corpsentry · 4 years ago

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january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

#my stuff

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triptuckers · 4 years ago

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Sleepwalking - Anakin Skywalker

Request: yes! “Can I send in a request for Anakin Skywalker in which the reader is in a secret relationship with him and she fails to tell Anakin that she has a history of sleepwalking? The way he finds out is he wakes up during the night hearing noises coming from the kitchen and when he checks to see what it was, he sees the reader trying to cook herself a meal but doesn’t realize she was sleepwalking until he comes closer to her. When he realizes this, he helps her back to bed and than asks her about it the next day. 😂” Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x reader Summary: Anakin wakes up to you making a mess in the kitchen, and is very confused when you don’t remember it the next day Warnings: none Word count: 1.6K A/N: I read that people who sleepwalk often... keep their eyes open?? imagine seeing someone look at you while sleepwalking no no no not for me. I can eat entire meals while watching criminal minds and grey’s anatomy but I draw the line at people keeping their eyes open while sleepwalking. I had so much fun writing this. thanks for the request and enjoy reading!

It takes a while for Anakin to realise why he woke up. Just as he’s about to turn over and get back to sleep, he notices a stream of light coming from the kitchen. He frowns and looks over at your side of the bed, which is empty.

Sure, he got hungry too, but in the middle of the night?

Now that he’s awake, he doesn’t get why the noise you’re making didn’t wake him earlier. You’re not exactly trying to be quiet, while getting a snack.

Anakin sits up and rubs his eyes in an attempt to wake himself some more. He pushes the covers off of him and gets up. While walking to the kitchen, he runs a hand through his hair.

It’s not unusual for either of you to wake up during the night. Most of the times, nightmares haunted your memories and kept you from sleeping. Still, it was enough to just be able to lay in each other’s arms. It wasn’t often you got to spend the night together, and Anakin preferred to spend it asleep than getting a midnight snack.

He reaches the kitchen and wants to ask you what you’re doing, until he looks around the corner and notices you’re making yourself an entire meal.

Or rather, you’re trying to.

The entire kitchen is covered in various pieces of food along with some spices. There’s even some mess on the floor, and you’re standing in the middle of it, your back to him.

Even if you would just get up to get a snack, why would you turn the kitchen - which isn’t even that big - into a realistic miniature battlefield?

Anakin watches you for a while as you mess around with the food. He notices you’re not being careful at all. The longer he watches you, the more confused he gets. Were you making some kind of experimental meal? You’re combining foods and spices he’s sure aren’t going to taste good.

He wants to ask you what in maker’s name you’re doing, when you turn around. Your eyes are open, but it’s like you don’t even see Anakin. It’s like you’re looking right through him, at the wall behind him.

‘Y/N?’ he says carefully.

‘No, we don’t need the blue ones. Put them back.’ you say.

Anakin frowns but can’t help but to laugh as well. The blue ones? What were you talking about?

‘What are you saying?’ he asks you.

‘She couldn’t make that jump. Look, she’s got tiny legs.’ you say.

At this point, Anakin is completely confused. You’re not making any sense. Cooking a meal, getting stains everywhere and making a mess. While saying things that he can’t wrap his head around.

‘Are you alright?’ he asks.

‘No, Rex, ask him. He’ll tell you. Or not.’ you say.

Anakin frowns as he looks at you. You still seem to look right through him. He carefully moves closer and lays his hands on your shoulders.

‘Y/N?’ he says.

As an answer, you let out a string of rambling he’s sure isn’t even a language. He softly shakes your shoulders, his eyes fixed on yours. The odd look in your eyes disappears, and your eyelids seem to grow heavier.

‘Ani?’ you say, suppressing a yawn. ‘Are you alright?’ he asks you. ‘Hmm?’ you close your eyes and slightly lean forward. ‘Yea. Tired.’ you say.‘Alright.’ says Anakin. ‘Let’s get you to bed, then.’

While slightly worrying about your state, he guides you back to the bed. Your back has barely touched the bed before you’re already asleep. With one wave of his hand, Anakin turns off the kitchen lights and moves closer to you, falling asleep as well.

He wakes before you do, which is rare. When Anakin opens his eyes and looks over to your side, you’re still fast asleep, your face buried in your pillow. He leans over to your side to kiss your cheek before he gets up.

The kitchen is still a mess, he didn’t clean it yesterday. Anakin starts to clean up the mess, and he’s almost done when he hears you moving around in bed. A couple minutes later he hears footsteps and feels a warm hand on his shoulder.

‘What happened here?’ you ask. ‘Did you try to make breakfast and managed to explode the kitchen in the process?’

Anakin looks over his shoulder at you and chuckles softly. ‘I didn’t make this mess.’ he says.

You frown at him. ‘I didn’t turn our kitchen into a warzone, if that’s what you’re implying.’ you say.

‘You tried to cook a meal last night.’ says Anakin.

‘You mean when I made us dinner? I didn’t leave the kitchen like this.’ you say while gesturing to the mess in front of you.

Anakin looks at you, a frown on his face. ‘You... don’t remember?’ he says. ‘Do I not remember what?’ you say.

‘You tried to make a meal in the kitchen last night.’ says Anakin. ‘I woke up, saw light coming from the kitchen and I heard all sorts of noises. You weren’t beside me so I figured you were just getting a midnight snack. But when I got to the kitchen, you were standing here in the middle of all of it.’

You look at the mess and try to remember. Surely you would have known if you’d woken up in the middle of the night to make yourself a meal? Suddenly, it all starts to make sense. You look at Anakin with a smile on your face.

‘Did I say anything to you?’ you ask him.

‘That’s the weirdest part. You turned around and had this weird look in your eyes, as if you could see straight through me. And then I called your name and asked you if you were alright and you said the strangest things. You were talking about how we didn’t need the blue ones, that someone couldn’t make a jump because of her tiny legs, and then you seemed to be talking to Rex. You weren’t making any sense, so I took you back to bed.’ Anakin tells you.

You chuckle at his story and move past him to help clean up the last of the mess.

‘I was sleepwalking.’ you say.

‘You were what?’ says Anakin, helping you clean up the mess.

‘Sleepwalking. Sometimes I get up in the middle of the night and walk around and do stuff. I’m not aware of it, though. Most of the times, like today, I don’t remember doing anything at all. But I do indeed keep my eyes open but aren’t aware of anyone around me. I can move around objects when I know they’re there, though, like the kitchen. I know where everything is, so I could manoeuvre around it even when I’m asleep.’ you explain.

‘But you said some things, too.’ says Anakin.

‘You talked to me, right? Sometimes when I’m sleepwalking and someone is with me, and they talk to me, I can respond. Most of the times it’s nonsense, though. Sometimes there’s actual words, but I never remember.’ you say.

‘You never told me about this.’ says Anakin.

‘Why do you think I lock the doors every night? It’s not just to prevent Ahsoka from walking into your quarters when I’m there.’ you say.

Anakin looks at you. ‘Don’t tell me if you don’t lock the doors you actually leave your quarters.’ he says.

‘Trust me, you don’t want to go to sleep in your quarters and wake up in the council room.’ you say, getting up and throwing a dirty cloth on the counter.

‘You woke up in the council room?’ chuckles Anakin, moving to make you both a cup of caf.

‘Yep.’ you say, hopping on the counter. ‘Went to bed, woke up in the council room. Luckily Obi-Wan was the only one there. He entered the room and found me asleep in one of the chairs. I told him I probably wandered there while sleepwalking, and he proceeded to call me sleepwalking Y/N for over a year.’

Anakin laughs and hands yo a cup of caf. ‘So, you lock the doors in case you start wandering around the temple in the middle of the night. What can I do when, like last night, I wake up to you making a mess in the kitchen?’

‘Well, sometimes I get back to bed on my own. And if I don’t, I usually find somewhere else to sleep. If you’re awake and I’m sleepwalking, just guide me back to the bed. And if I’m not next to you when you wake up, make sure to look at the floor so you don’t trip over me.’ you say, taking a sip of your caf.

‘I honestly don’t believe this.’ says Anakin, laughing softly and moving so he could stand in between your legs. ‘Of all the stories you’ve told me, this is by far the weirdest one.’

You smile and lean in to kiss the tip of his nose. ‘Finish your caf.’ you say. ‘It’s still early, I can sneak back to my own quarters in time.’

‘You sure you can find it on your own without making a mess in the halls of the temple?’ says Anakin while smirking and you playfully slap his arm. ‘Yes, Skywalker, I’m pretty sure I can find my own quarters.’ you say.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Jo

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earthnashes · 4 years ago

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Hey, I’m starting to learn how to draw, and I was wondering if you had any overall tips?

-Use references. No matter what anyone says, references are the backbone of art. It doesn’t always have to be from photographs either (however if you’re lookin’ for realistic accuracy I highly recommend using photo reference over artist interpretation), but using references and learning how to understand what you’re looking at will help you improve on your craft and how you make art in general

-Practice and take your time. Exhausted as this piece of advice is, practice is literally the biggest thing for art, hell for anything you wanna get good at. Ya gotta put the time in. But that DOES NOT mean you suddenly have to dedicate every waking hour of every day for the rest of your life. Draw as often or as infrequently as you want; draw when you want to, for however long you want to, and try not to feel guilty for not practicing. Art is of course not a race or a popularity contest, but damn does it feel like one sometimes, especially online. The sooner you learn to be kind to yourself about your progress and acknowledge that no matter what, you’re progressing, the better in the long run

As for what to practice, it depends. If you’re lookin’ at improving specifically on something, let’s say hands for example, then draw a bunch of hands from different angles. Trace over photos (actual photos) a few times, get a feel of how a hand is structured, then try drawing it with reference, and then after you’re comfortable with that try drawing without reference. Otherwise, if you’re lookin’ to practice in general just... draw. Best way of learning is to make mistakes before you understand how to overcome it, so sometimes say “fuck anatomy I’m drawin this” and just draw it, mistakes be damned. Having fun is a pretty strong incentive, so if you’re gonna make some mistakes may as well enjoy yourself doin’ it.

-Don’t be afraid to ask for CONSTRUCTIVE critique. One thing an artist has to learn is that you must be open to getting feedback for your work, but that said I emphasize constructive because sometimes the internet doesn’t know the difference between actual helpful advice and being an ass. As such, you do not need to be open to constructive feedback all the time. Sometimes all ya wanna do is draw a dog, post that dog and say “look, I drew a dog”. And that’s entirely fine. TL;DR, if you wanna improve in art, be willing to ask for feedback and then being open to it when received. But if you don’t want it, don’t be afraid to be honest about that too, just don’t be rude about it.

Personal tip for this one in specific, it might be helpful for you to find an environment geared specifically toward giving helpful feedback. In college we had critique days where the day was geared specifically toward giving each other feedback and constructive criticism on our works, but it happened only in that environment. Otherwise to receive critique you asked, or your classmate would ask you if you were open to feedback before saying anything.

-Dont worry too much about the material you use to create art. Just because you got the good, expensive shit it doesn’t automatically mean you’re better. The artist is the one who controls the medium, not the other way around. That said, there’s no wrong in wanting quality stuff, because sometimes the supplies honestly are that trashy. If you’d like some recs on digital or traditional materials for art I certainly don’t mind giving any based on my own personal experiences O:

-Take up either reading or watching art education resources. Regardless of whether or not you wanna make this a career, if you’re truly looking to get much better I’d suggest lookin’ at classes. I don’t mean pay for it though, not unless ya wanna. Youtube is a wealth of art advice, tutorials, demos, and hell some of your favorite artists might have Patreon rewards/benefits where they put out their own process vids where they talk about their techniques and such (a lot of the time as low as $1 a month). Don’t be afraid to look into it. If that doesn’t strike your fancy, buy artbooks or search for their PDFs online. “The Making Of” books in particular are my favorites, they give you a glimpse of the mindset, process, and pipeline of how things are done in the industry and from professional artists of all sorts in the field, and a lot of the time there’s a good bit of solid advice in them. Full-on tutorial books are helpful too, online or otherwise; one of my favs is Tuesday Tips by Griz and Norm.

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Hope these were helpful at least somewhat owo

#earthsong talks #earthsong sings

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anotherbeingsworld · 4 years ago

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what are the reasons you love bryce?? give lots and lots of details please

HI ANON, OKAY. I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING A WHILE ON REPLYING! I was caught up with stuff and I just am quite busy lately but.. here goes!

Disclaimer: This is my opinion, and not my way to bring down other LI’s routes! They have their own touch and, this is what I got from playing Bryce’s route!

Open Heart was supposed to be a diamond-mine for me from the start, as I just... finished playing other books and I was like...’ medical book’ sounds fun and grey’s anatomy-ish! And, well... I started and holy smokes, book 1 was one of my favourites. And, here comes the fangirling session!

Our first meet with Bryce, was amazing and hilalrious too? I mean, MC bumped into him at the locker room being half naked lmao, what a sight for sore eyes? When I first saw him, honestly... he was gorgeous? Like.. he is like... so handsome and.. I just.. kinda fall for him for his looks first! I mean, the eyes first than the heart right?

Moving on to the pin-point, the supply closet scene. The fact Bryce came to check in on MC, and well... what came afterwards.. I knew he was a caring guy, and I kinda fell even harder, and.. well... MC took the chance to kinda make a move too quick and well, lets say MC is smitten to Bryce! I mean, besides all that ‘stuff’, I loved how Bryce tooks the time to be there for MC in a way, like.. somehow, made me love him even more as a character!

ALSO, MAY I POINT OUT? HIS HAIR! THAT PERFECT HAIR? GOODNESS, HOW CAN ONE PULL THAT OUT! and, the fact he looked good in anything is one reason to like him more?

And, moving on... the bar scene.. I mean, lets just say... I took the chance and well.. it was worth it! He was a confident guy, and honestly someone who I wanted to be? Someone who doesnt care what others think, and in my fics.. MC was the opposite of him, and somehow... it mirrors it!

THEIR SMALL MOMENTS WITH EACH OTHER !!! I am sucker for the little things trope, where their small adventures counts and, I loved the small moments as I play his route and, I know other LI’s have that too! Since, I am a bryce fan let’s say I am biased about it lmao! But, their adventures such as the bachelorette party after the common thingy is one of their spontaneous adventures that I enjoyed! And, MC got the chance to tell the party on their feelings towards Bryce somehow, makes it more worth it? The concert afterwards, playing copyrighted mario kart, the fries scene? And, seeing it without all the hook-ups and all, they definitely enjoyed their little adventures either its out or in the hospital! I headcanon MC and Bryce love to take random adventures together, either its just a drink at Donahue or a stroll on the charles? OKAY, AND THEM SINGING ‘ A WHOLE NEW WORLD’ TOGETHER AT KAROEKE AND, THAT IS JUST SO FREAKING PRECIOUS! They enjoyed each other’s company and, I loved them for that!

Moving on, them being with each other during the dark times too. A parallel I see all too well between them, they are going to be there for each other. DESPITE. EVERYTHING. In Book 1, we see Bryce comforting MC (in my playthrough) after Mr.s Martinez’s death, where in the on-call room, he holds on tight to MC, as they sob. Bryce, being there for MC during the trial, and everything that leads to the end of Book 1, where the whole friend group has been there for MC. Bryce, was there and... I can imagine, those late night moments of reassure from Bryce when MC felt scared, and guilt. And, into Book 2. They are mirroring each other, MC was there for Bryce. With everything going on, MC stood there to help him with Keiki, and MC had been there every step of the way until they send Keiki to boarding school. The fact, that MC went to his apartment because they saw how distraught Bryce was afterwards, MC being there for Bryce when they go to the mall, and MC helping Bryce with the boarding school thing with Keiki, until the end... and, in those moments I can see Keiki and MC bonding, talking about Bryce, relieving all the childhood memories together and, just laughing hanging out. Besides that, despite MC being the one who faced the trauma, seeing Bryce broke down.. and letting his guard down only with MC, shows how much they trust one another. I remember along the lines where Bryce mentions on his family reputation to MC ONLY! As, the premium scene from chapter 8 where the gang practiced baseball with Raf, he mentions on having an easy road at high school. It shows how much, he trusts MC on his life situations. And, the fact... the iconic scene from chapter 11 where his scalpel shakes, shows how much he worries about MC, despite if you romance him or not, shows that he really cares for MC, and wants to be there during the dark times and good times too. It’s a huge reason why I adore him, and his ability to be there for MC and vice versa.. it shows volume on their relationship.

OK. ALSO, he is an amazing brother. The way he learns to cook for Keiki, as he tries his best to make Keiki comfortable and, the way he wanted to be there despite the gap between them after all these years made me fall in love for him even more. He and Keiki indeed are one of my fav siblings in the choices universe, and seeing how Bryce gets sad on sending Keiki away, shows how much of their relationship had grown since Keiki arrived in Boston.

HONESTLY, I thought he would be those guys where they would flirt a lot and well... become a playboy in a way? But, he proved me wrong. I know, he is not real but... his personality made me love him even more and, I mean... who wouldnt love one Bryce Lahela?

And up to this point, Bryce definitely is one of my top fav LI’s in choices because of those reasons above and many more that I couldn’t think of! But, he is someone who i aspire to be in a way? His confidence? I want that in this life, and... seeing him being confident and just... him. I loved him more? And, his quotes.. iconic! ALSO, HE IS A SURGOEN? HE HAS LOOKS, BRAINS AND EVEN AAAAA, HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE HIM?

ALSO, I KNOW YOU ASK WHY I LOVE BRYCE and I hope it fulfills the answer eventhough I am definitely focusing on MC X Bryce’s relationship more! But, their relationship growing from book 1 made me love him even more than before! And, he is definitely more than a pretty face! He is Bryce Lahela, and he had left an amazing quote for everyone.

‘Don’t cover up your greatness’ - Bryce Lahela.

THANK YOU FOR COMING FOR MY TED TALK :)))))) and, thank you anon for letting me fangirl over the surgeon boy! <3

#playchoices #bryce lahela #open heart #long post #anonymous #answered

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raysofcrosby · 5 years ago

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LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 8

"𝘋𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵...𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨? 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥?" ━ 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫

gif credit (x)

series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: implied smut, otherwise some slight fluff and angst.

word count: 4,916 [i barely proofread this bc lack of sleep so plz dont h8 me]

authors note: phew ok i was a little scared that i wouldn’t get this out before sunday, but i literally forced myself to sit down and write (both as a way to destress and get this done) and voila, i finished! i hope you guys enjoy it, and as always, i love everyone for reblogging and liking! i love seeing your tags, and hearing what you guys think about the series! i hope you enjoy and without further ado, here’s part 8!

Your last few weeks with Tyler felt like you were living on cloud 9. As usual, you and Kennedy switched off on nights of who got the dorm room, so more often than not, you'd been at Tyler's. In those few weeks, while you were dedicated to studying and preparing for finals week, Tyler often pulled his charm and managed to get you away from studying for an hour or two, and as he put it, christen every surface in the house with you, though honestly, you wouldn't have been surprised if he had done that before. None of that mattered, his past didn't matter and neither did his former hookups because he was here with you. You went to bed with him almost every night either cuddling into his side, him cuddling you or the both of you cuddling with the dogs.

Literal Cloud 9.

But that easy lifestyle came to a pause as finals week loomed over you, Kennedy and your entire campus. Luckily for you, you only had three finals. One final on the first day, a final the morning before tonight's game and then one on Monday. Your first two finals you felt as if you aced them– their courses were an easy A and you never struggled or felt stressed whenever it came to studying or writing papers for them. Your last final, however, was the one you were the most worried about– and quite frankly, spent the most time studying.

Stupid Physiology and Anatomy.

You were determined to lock yourself away in the library after the game tonight to study for Monday, but as usual, Tyler invited you over, even offering to help you study. You accepted and like always, he picked you up from your dorm and took you home. Of course, not failing to stop at the grocery store so you guys could pick up some quick ingredients to make yourselves mini pizzas while you studied. A study break, Tyler called it. Though, while more tomato sauce ended up on the counter and ingredients were tossed around– and your pizzas turned out a little crispy...it was a fun distraction, one that you were grateful Tyler planned and one that he knew you desperately needed.

However, when dinner came and went, you plopped down onto the couch in his living room and broke out your study cards You set them out all around you and started to plan out where you'd start when Tyler came down and plopped beside you. You were suspicious at first because you could feel him staring at you from the corner of his eye, but you brushed it off. It wasn't until you felt him creep his hands around your waist and press a kiss against your neck, did you realize what he was trying to do.

"No, Tyler. I have to study!"

He pressed another kiss to your neck, higher this time before pulling away and pouting at you. "It's anatomy, I like to think that you know enough about that."

You laughed, turning at him and poking him in the chest with a card. "Not the point Seguin. How am I supposed to for sure know what a–" you took a glimpse at the card. "Epiglottis is, if I don't study?"

Tyler looked off and mumbled to himself before looking back at you. "That's the thingy that stops food and water from getting into your lungs, right?"

You flipped the card over, reading a definition that summed up what Tyler had said. "Lucky guess."

"No, not lucky guess," he pulled you closer to him. "If I know what any of this fancy stuff means, then you do too. Because I only know it from helping you study, which no offense...is a shit ton, ya nerd."

You sighed, staring down at the card and feeling his eyes burn holes into your head. "Tyler..."

"Pleaseeeeee?" He started to squeeze your sides before tickling your waist. You smacked at his hands, trying to get them away and failing. "Please, please, please?"

He lied you down onto the couch and you sighed, smacking his chest with your card. "Fine."

He leaned down and kissed you before pulling away and sitting up, taking off his shirt. He looked down at you and wiggled his eyebrows. "If you're so torn up about not studying...you could always study me?"

You smiled, reaching up and wrapping your arms around him and tugging him down closer to you, nudging your nose against his own. "Studying can wait."

❒❒❒❒

Your studying session took you from downstairs on his living room couch, to upstairs on the theatre couch. While Tyler had managed to strip you from your clothing downstairs, he carried you upstairs, fully clothed and even offering you a pair of boxers and a shirt because 'it was only fair for what I have planned next.'

What he had planned next, of course, was studying...but a studying game he made fun. He'd help you study your cards by using reading them to you and if you couldn't tell him the definition and point out where the card belonged, then you'd have to strip (see how unfair?) And for every 15 cards you got right, he'd strip. Of course, Tyler being Tyler started to pout when you were still dressed in his t-shirt and boxers and he was left with nothing but 1 card left and his boxers. When you got that last card correct and he had to full-on strip, he was even more upset. Though, he didn't let that fully show until after he congratulated you on being smart and reassuring you that you'd ace this final.

And of course, you rewarded him with some good ole fun since he helped you study for a while, but then after that, it was back to studying again. And that was the routine: Study, break, study– just like that. Now, the two of you were relaxing on the couch. He was sitting up and you were lying down, your head rested on his thigh, the both of you covered with your shared blanket as he rubbed your arm with one hand and played with your hair with the other one.

"You know, for someone who played 65 minutes of intense hockey...you sure do have a lot of pent up energy," you turned your head and looked up at him. "four times in three hours is...a little aggressive."

His childlike smile took over his face as his smugness crept in. "If you keep moving your head, it's going to be five times." He leaned down and kissed you before sitting back up. "Let me guess. Was Cole a one and done, kind of guy?"

You felt a little embarrassed to reveal your past sex life to Tyler, especially since you knew how much he disliked Cole, but that soon eased. "More like once a week and that stopped before summer."

Tyler burst into laughter and you felt yourself at ease when the vibration from his chest echoed throughout his body. You could listen to him laugh for hours on end and never get tired. "No wonder why you're able to keep up with me." He poked at your nose, "you've got pent up energy too."

You laughed and swatted his hand away, sticking your tongue out at him. "It's all fun and games until you break a hip, Seguin."

"Eh, I don't see that happening anytime soon," he smiles, nodding back down at his lap.

You roll your eyes and look up at him. "Better calm down boy, because we've still got some studying to do."

"If it leads us back to where we are right now, then I'm perfectly okay with that." He smiled and you reached an arm up and cradled the left side of his face. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your nose and then your lips, resting his forehead against your own. "I think I could stay like this forever."

"Oh, I'm sure you'd love to have me in your lap forever, Seguin." You joked, looking at him.

Only then did you see the look in his eyes that you'd never really noticed before. It was a soft, tender look, one that you'd only seen in movies or described in the Nicholas Sparks books your brothers teased you about. "Well yeah, but no...I meant–"

A creak, following by a thud caught your attention and you were silently curing whatever it was that interrupted whatever Tyler was about to confess. "Did your front door just open?" You asked, pulling away from Tyler and looking towards the open theatre room door.

"Hey Seggy, it's just me! Are you here?" Oh shit, you knew that voice anywhere...it was Jamie.

"Oh fuck!" Tyler grunted, scrambling off of the couch and standing up quickly, resulting in you falling onto the floor with a thud. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry," He apologized, stepping over you and looking around for his shorts and putting them on.

You reached out for your fallen blanket and wrapped it around your body. "What is he doing here?!"

"I don't know, it's almost 1 A.M." He whispered back, rushing towards the door and turning back to you. "Just...stay here."

No sooner than he disappeared around the corner and down the stairs, did you take in your surroundings. You grabbed all of your study cards and your notebooks, quickly shoving them beneath the couch. Your heart was racing and it felt like you could pass out at any moment. This was the worst-case scenario– Jamie walking in on you and Tyler before you ever had the opportunity to tell him about your relationship. You'd spent weeks, thinking of this scenario and telling yourself that it wouldn't have a chance of coming true...and yet it was right downstairs. I mean, there's no other way you'd be able to explain exactly why you were naked in Tyler's house.

"Oh, dude did I...interrupt you?" You heard Jamie say as you paused your clean up and moved a little more towards the door to wait for the 'coast is clear' sign.

"What? No...why?" God, could Tyler be any more panicked? Just by the way he stuttered over his reply, was enough for Jamie not to believe it.

"Because there are women's clothes on your couch...unless this bra is yours?"

Your eyes widened as you mentally smacked yourself for ever letting Tyler undress you on his couch. He didn't strip out of his clothes down there, which was evident by the fact that you were the one stranded in a blanket and he was in the comfort of his running shorts.

"Oh uh...yeah, uh..."

"Jesus Tyler, get it together," you whispered, closing your eyes and resting your head against the door frame.

"Dude...are you back with Maisy again?"

"WHAT? No...why would you think that?"

Jamie paused and it killed you not to know why he did. "SMU? Is this her sweatshirt?"

You could feel yourself begin to sweat as the fear of Jamie recognizing anything down there as yours, set in. He even bought you that sweatshirt your freshman year move in! What if he recognized it as yours? Did Tyler had the capability to play it off as you leaving it here from the last time you watched the dogs? Honestly...probably not.

"Oh Uhm," Tyler cleared his throat, once, twice...and a third time. "No, it's not Maisy's."

"Let me guess," Jamie sighed, probably tossing your sweatshirt onto the back of the couch. "You found another hot girl from SMU then?"

"Well, yeah she's pretty hot," Tyler replied, and you could tell by the way that he ended his statement, that he was smiling and you couldn't help but wonder if you should be flattered that Tyler said you were hot or scared of your current situation.

"Dude, you've got to stay away from the college girls! No college girl is worth the drama, even if she's smoking hot. I mean, did you ever listen to Y/N and her Cole drama? Or the drama from this last year? You're wanting to put up with more of that?"

"But–"

"Anyway," your brother sighed. "Y/N asked me to come by sometime to pick up her Psychology or Anatomy book or whatever. I guess she left it here when she sat the dogs last week. She's been so busy with finals, so she forgot it and I forgot to come by before the game today. But I'm with Bish checking up on their house so since we're in the neighborhood, I thought I'd stop by."

Now you really wanted to smack yourself. In the mess and stress of finals and hanging out with Tyler and the pups, you completely forgot that you had asked Jamie to stop by and pick up your book. Though, in your defense...you weren't supposed to be here anyway.

"The Physiology and Anatomy one?" Tyler must have seen the confused look on Jamie's face, so he cleared his throat. "She's been complaining about that course whenever she tapes up my ankles– huge bore of a book. Do you know where she left it? I can grab–"

"No, no. You go back to your girl." Jamie patted Tyler on the shoulder, "she told me where she left it. I'll just grab it and go."

You could hear Jamie's footsteps come up the stairs and it was like you were frozen in place. You had told him it was in the theatre, which is where you did most of your studying at Tyler's. When your eyes scanned the room, you saw it lying on the left side of the couch, right on top of the small side table. You considered running across the room and shoving it under the couch until you focused in on how close their footsteps were.

"No, really...I can grab it for you. You wouldn't want to leave Bish in the car!" Tyler said, obviously trying to prevent Jamie from coming up the stairs.

"He's not a dog, Segs. Plus the A.C. is on...I think he's good. Now really, you go back to your girl, I'm a big boy. I can find a college textbook."

There were no good places to hide in the theatre room and you could feel the panic in your chest only continue to rise. There was not enough time to book it across the hall and into Tyler's room without risking being seen and identified by Jamie. You looked to your right and saw the little crook that Tyler's door made, rest up against his entertainment center. A designing flaw you'd pointed out to him many times– but not one Tyler cared too much about to fix. Right now, you felt like hugging that stupid flaw, because it was about to become your saving grace.

You quickly opened the door and ducked into the space, pulling the door right behind you and casting you in the crook. Just as you went to peek through the crack to see if they were near...they walked into the room. You held your breath as you saw Tyler relax a little bit, knowing that you had managed to hide just in time. You moved away from the crack in the door, pressing yourself against the wall as you heard the two of them move around.

"She said it was in here somewhere...."

"Are you sure she left it here? I haven't seen it."

"I mean," Jamie paused, digging into his sweatshirt pocket for his phone. "She texted me yesterday saying that she desperately needed it and forgot it in the theatre. But she's also really stressed...so it's possible."

"Great! Then maybe she just–"

"I just thought that I'd come and check, just in case. Acing these finals means a lot to her. Plus Jordie and I are planning a huge Hawaii trip for her and Kennedy after graduation. So I just don't want her to stress herself out too bad and ruin her chances at getting a good grade...just because of this book."

You felt a twinge of guilty hit your chest hard. Jordie and Jamie were currently planning an amazing trip for you and your best friend...and you were not only hiding the biggest secret from them but also currently hiding behind a door...naked and wrapped in a blanket.

"HA!" Jamie yelled, scaring you and almost causing you to jump and knee the entertainment center. "I found it! Physiology and Anatomy, perfect!"

"Huh, I guess she really did leave it." What a liar, since the two of you were just using that book for a guideline to your cards.

"Hey, do you know that your entertainment center is completely blocking your door?"

Oh no. Oh no, no, no.

Your heart was hammering against your chest as you closed your eyes and prayed that Jamie would stay as far away from your location as possible.

"I mean, either you need to get this door realigned or figure out a better place for your entertainment center, man. This door closes too fast?" You watched in horror as Jamie's fingers curled around the upper side of the door. He tugged it towards him, revealing you and your hiding space as his attention was all on Tyler. "It could really damage it."

You looked at Tyler as you gulped, sending him a helpless look. His eyes were wide and staring in your direction, as Jamie held all of his focus on Tyler. "Why do you look like you've seen a–" Jamie finally turned to you, "Y/N?"

You were speechless. The moment you opened your mouth to explain, your throat dried and it was as if you forgot how to speak. You could see Jamie was still trying to register in his brain why you were there. You watched helplessly as his eyes traveled down to your blanket before coming right back up. It was scary, watching his eyes gloss over and darken all at once– something that only happened whenever he was really angry...or on the ice.

"Bish and Jordie were right...weren't they?" He turned to Tyler and you already knew what was going to happen. "You're sleeping with my sister?"

Tyler opened his mouth to speak, stuttering to come up with an answer at first as he looked at you over Jamie's shoulder. "Listen, Chubbs it's not–"

In a flashing moment, Jamie swung at Tyler, landing a solid hit right on Tyler's eye. "Are you sleeping with my fucking sister, Tyler?"

You pushed past Jamie and rushed to Tyler's side, tugging your blanket tighter against your body before placing yourself in between the two grown men. "Jamie, stop!" You yelled, your voice cracking since your throat had been so dry.

You turned your attention to Tyler, who was just nodding you off as you brushed your thumb against the warm red spot beneath his left eye. "Jesus Christ," Jamie scoffed, shaking his head as he rested both hands on top of his head. "Jordie and Bish were right. You two are...you're..."

You've always heard the phrase of someone 'turning green' whenever they were going to be sick, but you never understood it until you looked at Jamie in this very moment. The look in his eyes and his expression on his face said it all– he looked as if he could throw up at any moment. He went to say something again, closing his mouth before turning away from you and Tyler and rushing out of the room.

"Jamie!" You called out, turning to Tyler who just nodded at you to go after him.

"Jamie, stop!" This time you screamed, feeling the desperation practically leaking from you as you held the blanket tight against your body and ran down the steps after your older brother. "Please, stop!"

Yet his steps hadn't faulted and he kept the same pace and his back to you. He didn't need to turn around for you to understand just how mad he was. You could feel the anger radiating off of him as he came to a stop at the front door. "Jamie, please..." You cried, not even realizing that tears had started to fall down your cheeks until you heard yourself speak.

He kept his back turned to you for what felt like hours but was only seconds. "When?" He asked, finally turning to you, his look of anger still plastered on his face. "When did this all start?"

"I-I mean I've had feelings for him for a while and we-we've been flirting and–"

"When did you start having sex with him? Halloween?" The loud and harsh tone of his voice, startled you back a few steps and for the first time, you were scared of your brother.

"N-no! Not until I broke up with Cole." He turned away from you again, this time grabbing the doorknob and you reached out for his arm, grasping onto his sweatshirt sleeve. "P-please, Jamie just...listen, please."

Jamie starts to turn the knob, ignoring you before he took a deep breath and sighed, turning back to face you with a look of hurt written all over his face. "I just...I don't get it! Don't you know his reputation, Y/N?" He asked, his left hand waving towards the stairs. "It's not a lie! He sleeps with girls all the time, it's who he is!"

You tugged the blanket tighter, letting your grip on his sweatshirt sleeve fall. "It's different with me J. I...I think I–"

Before you were even able to confess your feelings, Jamie brushed them off with an aggressive scoff. "Don't even say it, Y/N. Do you really think that you love him? That he loves you?" His voice was getting higher and if you could shrink into the floor, you would. "He's not even capable of loving someone, Y/N! And you–" he drops a hand at you, shaking his head. "You're just a kid."

"I'm almost 22-years-old, Jamie. I'm not that little girl with pigtails following you, Jenny and Jordie around like a puppy. I'm a big girl capable of making decisions and I know what I feel!"

Jamie just stared at you as you felt your confidence start to dwindle off, just as fast as it appeared. But then you saw it, a small moment in his eyes where his anger subsided and he seemed to be taking in your statement. Maybe this was it, maybe he wouldn't brush off your feelings for Tyler like it's a pre-school crush, and actually take you seriously. For that moment, he was the big brother that you went to for so many years when you skinned your knee and needed someone to hold your hand while your mom drowned the wound in hydrogen peroxide.

And no sooner than that moment opened up, it closed off again the moment his eyes wandered off of you and to the area behind you. His eyes glossed over and darkened once again, pushing your comforting big brother aside. "You asked me about Maisy? Well, there's a reason why he never let her post anything. Because she was nothing more than a hookup. A piece of ass that he could call when he was lonely and needed to get laid." His eyes wandered back down to your blanket and you pulled it tighter against you as he looked you back in the eye. "What makes you think that you're any different than her?"

He turned back towards the door, only for a moment before turning back and looking at you. "I'm down with you." His eyes looked over your shoulder. "Both of you."

He opened the door and walked out, slamming it hard behind him. "Jamie!" You cried out, staring at Tyler's front door, knowing that going after him was not an option. When you went to take a deep breath, sobs escaped from the back of your throat and your legs felt like buckling beneath your weight.

You turned around to see Tyler standing there and looking somber, dressed up in sweats and a t-shirt, which was a whole different outfit from when he answered the door. His eye was starting to swell and it only served as a reminder of everything that had just happened in minutes. He places your clothes in a neat pile and looked at you, taking in your tears. You walked towards him, wrapping your arms around him and feeling him return your embrace...only somehow, he felt distant.

You pulled out of his arms and sniffled, wiping your cheeks on to your arm as he pulled the blanket tight against you, again. "I think you should leave. I can go pack up your backpack and call you an uber."

It was as if he drove a stake through your chest with those two sentences. You nodded, only because if you were to speak, you'd let out more sobs you were holding. He handed you your clothes before disappearing up the stairs.

The moment he was out of view, you made your way to the downstairs bathroom and locked yourself inside of it, letting your sobs escape. You played the details in your mind: Jamie's face, the spite in his words. How distant and cold Tyler just seemed to you. Like he was brushing you off as just another random hook-up with his uber comment when normally you'd be staying the night or he offered to drive you back to campus.

As you got dressed and splashed water onto your face, you took in your reflection. You hadn't realized just how hard you had been crying until now. Your face was flushed and your eyes swollen and red. You splashed some more water onto your face before drying it off with a towel, leaning against the counter and letting your head drop.

Everything has changed.

❒❒❒❒

"Have a good night Ma'am and whatever it is that has you so upset...I'm sorry." Your uber driver, a friendly elder man said, giving you a soft smile and offering you a candy cane from his candy bowl.

You smiled, sniffling as you took one. "Thank you and I'm sorry for being such a mess."

"Oh don't apologize. I remember what it was like being your age. It's a difficult time, and I'm sorry if I'm just overstepping here...but young men at this age? Wouldn't be able to see the women of their dreams if she was standing right in front of his face. So don't let him get you down and you just go ahead and focus on school and being your best self? Okay?"

You nodded, closing the door and watching as he drove away. You adjusted your backpack on your shoulders and stuff the candy cane into your sweatshirt pocket, wiping your cheeks on your sleeves. You hadn't stopped crying the moment you got into your uber. Hell, it was a miracle you had managed to stop crying when Tyler came to get you from the bathroom.

He had knocked on the door, giving you only seconds to collect yourself and grab the blanket before opening the door to him saying: 'The uber is here'

And all you were able to say was 'Okay.'

The walk from the bathroom to his front door was awkward– you just followed behind him like a lost puppy, trading his blanket for your backpack. He had opened the front door and you walked outside, expecting him to follow after you– only when you turned around, he was rested in the doorway and nodding his head at the end of his driveway. You couldn't think of anything to say except for– "See you"

And all he did was nod and watch you walk down the driveway. When you got to your uber, you turned around to wave at him, only to have your heart sink into your stomach when you noticed that the door was closed. That's what started your endless tears in the uber. He didn't even bother to make sure that you were safe getting into the uber and didn't even bother to shoot you a text to ask you to text him when you got to your dorm.

Speaking of which, walking to your dorm right now at almost 2 A.M. felt like an extreme walk of shame, though since it was finals week...maybe you could pass it off as you coming back from a hardcore study session that just caused you to spiral into a mental breakdown. When you got to your room, you opened it and walked in to see Kennedy and Big Rig chilling on her bed, watching Netflix.

"Hey babe, how did studying go?" When she turned to look at you, she immediately took in your appearance, tossing off her blankets as you made your way to your bed.

You dropped your backpack onto the floor, keeping your face hidden from them and trying to best to keep your cool. But the moment Kennedy started to rub your back, your bottom lip started to quiver and you let out a sob. You heard Big Rig shift in Kennedy's bed as he paused their show and you kept your back to the both of them as you climbed up onto your bed.

"Am I kicking his ass?" Big Rig asked, causing you to let out another sob and you saw Kennedy wave him off as she rested her arms on your knees.

"What's wrong, Y/N?" She asked, tapping her finger against one of your knees and causing you to look at her.

You sniffled again and looked at both of them through teary eyes. "Jamie knows."

#tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin one shot #tyler seguin writing #nhl imagine #nhl one shot #nhl writing #hockey imagine #hockey one shot #hockey writing #ldyk fic #my writing

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cozywritings · 5 years ago

Text

Stitches ch5: Be Alright

It was finally Friday. The one day of the week that you didn’t have classes, so you slept in, your alarm clock read 10:36 when you looked over. Reaching for your phone you noticed a screen full of notifications, mostly from Emily talking about some cute guy in her anatomy class. Until you caught sight of a text you weren’t too surprised to see.

McDreamy: Good morning honey 😊 I’ve got my 4 hour lecture today and then I’m headed off to stay at Brian’s for the night. Meet me before I leave for enough kisses to last the evening?

To McDreamy: I’ll be waiting.

After pressing send, you got up and took a shower, washing off the week and just taking some time to relax before you started studying for the next week of lessons.

You’ve decided that the best thing about your dorm, besides your boyfriend being across the hall, was the fact that you had your own bathroom in your room. You could shower as long as you wanted, play music as you showered, and you didn’t have to worry about if you forgot a towel or your clothes.

As soon as you stepped into the hot water, you let out a sigh. The hot water feeling absolutely amazing, and you knew it would relax your muscles from the first week stress. Although it was gonna be pretty boring this weekend without Shawn there, you needed to catch up on the notes you missed on Monday during proff com. So you knew it was probably best that he wasn’t here.

The longer you were in the shower, the better you felt. Until you realised it was now noon and you had yet to eat. So you shut off the water, wrapped yourself in a towel and walked out to get dressed. All the while thinking about what you wanted from the buffet in the cafeteria next door.

After your lunch of mac and cheese and a sandwich, you found yourself packing up your backpack to move across the hall. Sure you had your own desk, but Shawn’s was so much nicer and his blackout curtains made you less stressed when you were in a deep study.

Walking into Shawn’s room, you looked around at the clothes on the floor and the unmade bed and sighed. So, you dropped your bag on the desk and took a few minutes to tidy up the room for him. When you were satisfied with your work, you kicked off your sneakers and got to work on your notes, taking Shawn’s notebook from the drawer and copying everything you missed from that first day.

It was a lot of important due dates and when the chapters should be read. Honestly, you weren’t missing much, but you still found it important to have them in your notebook to help you remember them.

Around 2:30, you heard the doorknob jiggle, and your smile widened. Half an hour ago you decided to move to the bed to read your chapters and take notes. When Shawn walked in, he was shocked to find you nestled into his bed with your Sociology textbook in your lap. He was quick to drop his backpack and collapse on top of you, pressing a few kisses to your jaw.

“This is a nice surprise.” He smiled against your neck.

“Your room seemed like the better study option.” You shrugged, running your fingers through his curls and scratching at his scalp. When he let out an involuntary moan you giggled, “feels good Bub?” He nodded, wrapping his arms around your waist and rubbing his thumbs along your lower back.

You closed your eyes at the feeling. The two of you laid there in silence for a few minutes before Shawn said, “Maybe I’ll skip Brian’s and stay here to do this instead.”

You let out a soft laugh, “No you’ve gotta go have guy time. You’ve been with me almost every day this week, you need to see your friends.” He shook his head.

“No.” He leaned back to show you the cutest pout you’d ever seen.

“Shawn. Go out and have fun. I’m probably going to just catch up on project runway and maybe go see the movie in the planetarium with Em later tonight.” He gave you a huge smile, glad you were making good of your Friday night, considering every other night this week you were stressing over classes.

“What movie are they showing?” He mumbled, pressing his face into your neck again. Damn, he was making this really hard to tell him to go to Brian’s.

Threading your fingers into his hair and massaging his head you told him about your plans. “It’s called Abduction. It’s a Taylor Lautner movie. I’ve seen it before, but Emily hasn’t seen it yet so I told her I’d see it with her. After that I’ll probably just come back here and do some more reading.”

You felt him nod, curls tickling your neck. “Back to your dorm or mine?

You lightly smacked his shoulder. “Like I’m gonna come sleep in your empty bed. You’re crazy.” He just shrugged.

“I don’t see why not. The D.A’s never check on the upper classmen and it’s not like you’re sleeping with me. You’re just in my bed.” The idea was really nice. The bed smelled like him, and you were pretty sure that his TV was bigger than yours.

Biting your lip, you gave the idea a pretty good thought. “I’ll think about it.” He looked up at you and smiled, leaving a kiss to your chin.

---

“What do you mean you’re probably gonna sleep in his bed alone!” Emily yelled over a mouth full of pizza as the two of you sat in her dorm.

You just smiled at her. “He’s staying at Brian’s tonight and offered me to stay in his room. I thought it was cute.” A blush rising on your cheeks. The longer you thought about it, the more you wanted to.

Emily let out an exaggerated groan. “You two are disgustingly cute. But anyways. Do you want the details on Eric?” Eric was the guy from her class that she felt compelled to text you about during her lecture. “Well he’s super tall, and has these gorgeous blue eyes. He’s obviously a frequent gym goer. Oh! And he’s 21.” It was so cute to watch her fawn over him, because you’re positive that’s what you look like talking about Shawn. “But also, there’s this girl, Ashley, god she’s so fucking cute. But I don’t know if she’s into girls. So I’ll probably never pursue that one.”

You looked at her a bit shocked. “Em, I didn’t know you were bi.” She looked down quickly, her cheeks pink and eyes wide. “No, no babe it’s okay. I don’t care, I just didn’t know. You didn’t mention it to me before.”

She shrugged, giving you a lazy smile. “I just don’t feel like people believe it’s a thing. And it’s not something I just blurt out. ‘Oh yeah, I love both’” you just smiled at her.

“Well I know a girl in my accounting class that’s flawless and she’s gay, if you wanna know about her.” You swore you’d never seen anyone so happy in your life.

The two of you spent almost 3 hours just gossiping until the conversation got serious. “So, um, I was wondering how you were doing after the whole ex thing? Are you feeling any better since then?” She asked softly.

“It’s okay. He’s actually in my speech class, but so is Shawn so I’m pretty safe. He sits right next to me and holds my hand and stuff. Actually, I have a meeting with an on campus mental health counsellor next week. So I’m going to get back on track soon.” Without any warning, Emily leaned over and gave you the biggest hug.

“I’m so fucking proud of you.” She sighed, rubbing you back and playing with the ends of your hair.

---

Now settled back into your own room, you felt like something was missing. Your room was too quiet, even with Netflix playing some show in the background, and your bed seemed a lot colder than the one across the hallway. And it wasn’t because that one had a heated blanket nestled in the sheets.

Looking over at the clock, you smiled, 11:48. So you gathered your things: your charger, notebooks, and a pair of fuzzy socks, and made your way to Shawn’s room

The room was warm and dark, the lamp having been left on from earlier, was the only source of light. Your head was throbbing due to the laughing you’d done with Emily and the lack of actual sleep you’d been getting throughout the week, but knowing Shawn, he had a stash of medications somewhere. So you set down your things on the bed and searched the desk for a medicine drawer. Instead, what you found was a notebook with all the campus mental health counsellors written down. Next to eat name was a note.

-Dr. Moore: nice but not the right expertise

-Dr. Woodell: extremely kind, specializes in PTSD and rape victims

-Dr. Garcia: too harsh- probably not right for her

-Dr. Casey: way too mean, seems very unforgiving of personal issues- wrong specialisation

-Dr. Hendrix: very nice, another rape victim spec., also does depression and anxiety. (Top choice)

-Dr. Evans: see above note, but add that he’s the only male option (maybe not a good choice)

By the time you’d gotten to the bottom of the page, you were crying profusely. He had gone in and done research on the possible therapists you’d be seeing. He took the time to look into each option and make notes. But you couldn’t let him know you’d found it, so you put it back, opening the drawer labeled “meds”. How you didn’t see it before, you have no idea. So you took two Advil and moved back to the bed, turning on the heating blanket and flipping through the movies on Shawn’s amazon prime account.

It was almost 10am when Shawn opened the door to his room, he’d gotten maybe 4 hours of sleep at Brian’s. They spent all night playing video games, having a few drinks, and just talking about life. However, you were on his mind the whole time. He was hoping you were having a good time and wondering if you’d gone back to your own room.

Somewhere in the night, you had curled completely into the sheets, your body being covered by pillows and the huge blue comforter on the bed. So it was no surprise that Shawn didn’t see you when he walked in. Or when he plopped down on the bed. It wasn’t until he went to pull the blanket back that he noticed your small frame enveloped in the flannel blanket that was still radiating head. Instead of waking you, he just kicked off his sneakers and curled around you, a sleepy smile on his face.

The feeling of something other than the blanket around you startled you, and your eyes flew open in panic. That is, until you noticed that sparrow tattoo you loved resting on the bed. “Shawn?” You asked, not sure if he was awake.

“Shhh I’m sleeping.” He mumbled into the back of your neck, causing you to laugh.

“Can you at least let me roll over so I can see my boyfriend?” you smiled, trying you roll onto your other side.

With a groan and a kiss to the top of your head, he backed away slightly, allowing you to roll over and wrap your arms around his neck. “Wasn’t expecting you to take my offer. I’m glad you did though, I like seeing you comfortable in my room. Please stay?? My head hurts and I wanna love on you.” You responded by scratching at his scalp like you did the day before.

Once again, he let out a sigh, eyes closing as he nosed along the column of your throat. When your hand slid a little lower and rubbed the base of his neck he let out a soft moan. “You okay there Bub?” You giggled, your free hand being cradled in Shawn’s.

“Mhm. I’m fantastic.” He smiled, relaxing against your chest. “Just wanna stay like this all day. Didn’t sleep a lot last night.” You nodded, your lips pressing into his curls.

“We don’t have to do anything today. You can stay exactly where you are” he smiled, kissing along your shoulder as he wrapped himself around you.

And so you did. The day was spent right there in Shawn’s bed, cuddling, exchanging words of adoration, and plenty of kisses being shared. You were pretty sure that this was the best was the best thing to happen to you. That Shawn was the best thing to ever happen to you.

When it finally got dark, Shawn decided you two, more specifically you, needed to eat. So he called in Pizza Hut to be delivered to the dorm and, after learning it would be about an hour until the delivery driver got here, he settled on taking a shower, fearful he reeked of beer and whatever smell radiated from Brian’s apartment. “Shawn?” Your voice soft as you spoke. “Yeah babe?” He asked, closing the drawer full of shirts after he chose what he was gping to pt on after he was clean.

“Do you um, maybe want some company in there?” Your cheeks were a violent crimson when Shawn stuttered.

“A-are you sure?? That totally isn’t the reason I asked you to stay. You don’t have to do something you aren’t completely comfortable with. I mean- I’d love for you to, but you don’t have to if you’re not ready for something that intimate.” With a soft nod, you started to unbutton your shirt. “Okay baby, okay. If this is what you want to do we can definitely do that. But let’s get into the bathroom and let me do this right. Okay?” You smiled, following him into the bathroom. He really was trying to make you as comfortable as possible.

With the shower water running, and the room filling up with steam, shawn kicked off his sweats, leaving him in his black boxers. Then he turned his attention to you, his fingers slowly unbuttoning your top for you. But his eyes stayed on your face, watching for any sign of panic. “Shawn, it’s okay. Really. I trust you, and I know you’ll be careful. I wouldn’t have asked to join you if I thought I was going to be uncomfortable” With that, he tugged the shirt off your shoulders, eyes following the fabric as it fell to the floor.

You took it upon yourself to shimmy out of your shorts and panties the same time Shawn rid himself of his boxers. So there you stood. Fully naked in front of the only other person who’s had the privilege of seeing you this way. “You look, so beautiful. I didn’t know you had a tattoo.” He smiled, staring at the flower on your hip.

“It was a congratulatory gift from a close friend. She took me to get it after my acceptance letter came it. I have a second one.” You stated, twisting your hips for him to see the black cat sitting on a crescent moon on the other side. “That one I got in an impulse, a Friday the 13th special.”

“I like them.” He mumbled, watching as you grabbed his hand and ran his fingers over the now healed skin. This was the first time he’s touched your naked body, and to be perfectly honest, he wanted to take you right then and there. But he knew his limits, and this right here was a huge deal for you. So he stepped forward and wrapped his arm around you. “I promise I’ll take such good care of you.”

The water felt amazing on your skin, it was the perfect temperature. Shawn stepped in behind you, blocking the water stream as he washed his curls. You had to admit, you’d seen Shawn shirtless before, but seeing him with soap running down his body was something different. You let your eyes travel a little lower, looking down at him. All of him. He looked bigger than Josh, and that worried you a little. But now wasn’t the time.

“Can I wash your hair?” He asked with his arm outstretched, a puddle of shampoo in his palm. “I’d really like that. Yeah.” You smiled, turning around and pressing your back against his chest, sighing at the feeling of his fingers massaging your scalp, occasionally rubbing out the knots in your neck, causing you to lean your head forward as the release of tension.

You let out a sigh at the feeling. “Babe, why are you so tense?” He asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence as the water rinsed out your hair.

You shrugged, “I’m not sure really. Maybe just all the stuff that happened this week. And I have the worlds worst posture when I sit, so I’m sure that doesn’t help.” You laughed, taking your fingers through your conditioner soaked hair.

“Do you mind?” He asked, placing his soap covered hands on your shoulders. You shook your head, curious as to what he was asking to do. You had to clamp down on your lower lip to stop yourself from straight up mewling at the feeling when he dug his fingers into your neck, his thumbs sliding along your upper back easily due to the soap.

“What the actual fuck did you just do?” You asked after you were able to speak again.

His thumbs still running along your shoulder blades, he simply responded, “Pressure points to relive tension. You should probably do that at least once a week if you want to stay out of any back pain in the future.” You noddd, keeping that in the back of your brain as he pressed a kiss to your neck. “Or you can come to me and I can do it for you. Ya know, to make sure it’s done right.”

You laughed, turning around to leave a kiss on his chest. Shawn was quick to wrap his arms around you and lift you up, looking at you for a sign to not do what he was about to do. Instead, you leaned in, wrapping your legs around his waist and stealing the first kiss.

Now dried off and in your “cute” pj’s, you sat on the bed stuffing your face with pizza while The Breakfast Club played softly on the tv. Shawn sat across from you, doing some reading on “nerves and the brain” or whatever the book was about. “Shawn?” He looked up, a grin plastered on his face. “Last night I was looking for some Advil for my headache and I accidentally came across a notebook.” Suddenly very nervous, you looked down at your nails. “And I saw that you did some research on the therapists on campus.”

His face paled. “Fuck. You um- you weren’t supposed to see that.” When he looked over at you, your smile calmed him down.

“I’m not mad Shawn. Actually it’s really sweet.” He reached over, closing the book to pull you into his lap.

“I just know that you wanted to see someone for a while and I wanted to make sure you were getting the best one. So I told them I was doing a paper on how they treated their patients and then I was gonna decide which one they should get you.”

You didn’t say anything. Just pressed a few lingering kisses on his jaw. “Thank you. It really means a lot to me. And thank you for everything you’ve done so far. I’ve never felt so loved and safe in my life.”

“Darling. You are loved and safe.”

#shawn mendes #shawn peter raul mendes #Shawn writing #shawn fluff #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn fanfic #shawn smut #shawn mendes au #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes writing #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fic #my fic #stitches #med student shawn #college shawn

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cameoamalthea · 4 years ago

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It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a 12 year who discovers facts about anatomy, must proceed to find dicks hilarious (How Jester Started Drawing Dicks)

Jester didn’t draw dicks when she was really little and did not graffiti them on her own bedroom wall. She’d started drawing them when she was a little over twelve years old. Which she remembers because it right after certain ‘bodily changes’ prompted ‘the talk’ about sex and stuff.

Like by that age Jester already knew some things about sex. Before she old enough to be left alone with any tutors Mama made sure she’d learned the names of the sexual parts of the body and body functions, along with knowing that she can decide who touches her and that, and that’s not OK for an adult or older person to touch a private part of your body for no reason and ask you to keep it a secret. The safety things.

Then like a few years after that, there were books about your body with facts about changes that would happen. The books didn’t really prepare her for how much periods hurt or how much blood there would be, and she thought it was really unfair that this was going to happen every month for the rest of her life. She’d only had once so far and thought that was enough, but maybe it was something you got used to. But Mama made sure there were teas to help with pain and fine chocolates delivered at least.

But she didn’t know all t he things, but since she had gotten her period it was time for ‘the talk’. Like the detailed talk, and another book which talked about stuff for the future like how babies were made and stuff. There was also an anatomy book that included all of the anatomy stuff. Like pictures of penises.

Now, when she’d first learned about the names of sexual parts of the body she’d discovered that penis was both a very fun word to say and a word you weren’t supposed to say. The fact everyone looked uncomfortable when she said it made it funnier to say it. Since Mama not to just say it she’d made a game of seeing exactly how loudly she could get away with saying it without being overheard by which her tutors did not appreciate.

Still, the fact remained, ‘penis’ was a funny word. And when she got a book with pictures of a penis she decided they looked funny too.

The next time her best friend stopped by the play she grinned mischievously at him and said, “Hey, do you want to know how to draw a cat?” Then she handed him her sketchbook with instructions that were the steps to draw a penis, a picture of a penis labeled body, and then add details which resulted in a drawing that was still like a penis but with cat things on it like a face, ears, legs, tail. She drew several different views of a cat, always with a picture of a penis first. (Pictures on AO3)

His face went bright red and he turned away, not even looking at her. She started giggling uncontrollably.

“What?” she teased, “You must have seen a penis since you’re like a boy.”

“Ginny,” he hissed ( it was before she’d picked her name name) His voice was strained and somewhere between flustered and uncomfortable. “that’s not something you talk about though, not at this age anyway and boys shouldn’t talk with girls about and where did you even-”

“ What? I have an anatomy book. You know? Like with pictures and stuff. And I think this funny,” she said. Then she paused, her smile and defensiveness faded when she realized that she might have crossed a line. “I- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t make you look at the penis if you don’t want to. Even if it is really a picture of a cat.”

“No, it’s fine,” he assured her. “It’s actually pretty funny.”

“Yeah, and like if we draw cats like this no will even know they’re looking at penithes- penisesth.” She stumbles over the word, lisping. “Peen-is-is”

“You can just say dicks,” he said.

She looked at him confused for a second and then her eyes widened with understanding and she grinned deviously. He’d taught her a bad word. She liked learning words she wasn’t supposed to say, like fuck. She’d overheard that one once and then there was a lecture about words you shouldn’t say. She liked them though.

Words like ‘fuck’ seemed really honest, you know? The kind of thing you should use when you really mean it (she’d first overheard it when someone walking back from the bar while also watching her mama sing had tripped and spilled his drink everywhere). She couldn’t wait to teach it to the Traveler, but he said he knew lots of words you weren’t supposed to say and when she asked her what they were he said he might teach her when she’s older. She’d flicked his nose.

“Ok, then dicks!” she said and grinned at him mischievously. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell mama you told me.” Honestly, she’d stopped talking to mama about him so much since she was a bit old for imaginary friends and she wasn’t sure her mama would believe that she had a totally real but super magical best friend.

He returned her grin and snickered as she giggled. Dicks were hilarious.

#jester lavorre #The traveler #Artagan

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obviouslyelementary · 5 years ago

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About They/Them (About Us) - Daforge

I do not tend to post my DaForge fanfics on tumblr but since this one hit close to home, I decided to post it here so anyone can see.

Tags: Non-Binary Geordi LaForge; Binary Data; talk about gender; gender identity; genderqueer.

Warnings: none, this is soft.

Words: 2k

---------------------

The alarm rang, signalizing that someone was outside his quarters. Data looked up from his painting, turning his head to face the doorway, tilting his head as he wondered who would be visiting him at such late hours.

"Come in."

Placing his brush and pallet down, he turned his whole body to the door, tilting his head once he saw Geordi coming inside. Geordi was always one to sleep late, or sometimes not sleep at all, but considering the hard work he had put on in the last few days, Data was slightly confused as to why his boyfriend was in his quarters instead of sleeping as he should.

"Can we talk?" he asked, and Data nodded, nodding to the table and sitting down. Geordi did the same, sitting across from Data and looking down at his hands, seeming quite uncomfortable for some reason. Knowing that to be a sign of comfort and affection, Data laid his hands over the table with the palms up, so Geordi could reach out and take them. And he did, squeezing Data's hands gently.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, in a tone that could be considered worry. Geordi gave him a shy smile and shook his head, before sighing lightly and squeezing Data's hands again. That was a sign that he was nervous, but not yet sad or happy.

"No... not exactly" Geordi whispered, and sighed again. He had been sighing quite a lot, a human sign of anxiety and uncertainty. Data squeezed his hands back to show security, but it only caused Geordi to sigh again. "Sorry I'm very... nervous about this."

"Take your time" Data assured, watching Geordi and all his nuances. It was not usual, to see the engineer so out of his element, so Data made sure to study and observe all his reactions, how his brows furrowed, how he bit his lip without realizing, all the small twitches and flicks on his muscles. He was quite the sight, and also a very fun human to study.

Eventually, courage seemed to flourish in the engineer, and Geordi looked up at Data, his visor meeting with the android's eyes.

"Okay... remember when we visited the J'naii? Five months ago?" he asked, and Data nodded in agreement. "So, since then I've been thinking... quite a lot."

"About what?" Data inquired, trying to make this as comfortable for Geordi as possible. He was still perfecting his ability to calm humans down, it did not seem to be his forte, but he was trying his best. Geordi sighed once again, and shook his head, his head lowering down once more towards their hands.

"Well... about gender" he said, and Data tilted his head. Many theories rose in his mind, but he remained quiet to give Geordi space to formulate his next phrase. "I mean... about a society with no gender... genderless... sexless... sounds almost... crazy to me. I believe it sounds crazy to everyone in this ship."

"They were quite different, yes, but I believe a lack of gender identity is not the strangest characteristic we have found in different species" Data said, and Geordi chuckled lightly, in a nervous but also quite relaxed manner. His posture seemed to change, turning more relaxed, and Data made a personal note to try and make Geordi laugh more often.

"Yeah I mean you have a point" Geordi said, and sighed (again), squeezing Data's hand one more time. "But... never before I have been faced with... so many questions about myself before."

"Did our encounter with the J'naii made you question your approach to your gender?" Data asked, tilting his head and blinking as he accessed all the files available to him connected to human gender. Geordi would not know he was making that search, but perhaps it could answer some of Geordi's questionings. After a nod from the engineer, Data gave one of his own. "I believe most of the ship's personal was left with inquiries about gender identity after that encounter. It did seem to make most of the crew highly uncomfortable, although those feelings did not last for over two weeks."

"Yeah well mine has been lasting up until now. Not that I have talked to anyone about it" Geordi whispered, and seemed to become even more uncomfortable and unsure than he was previously. With a deep breath and another squeeze of Data's hands, he lifted his head again and looked at Data's face. "Data... what do you know about earth's twenty first century... non-binary term?"

"Non-binary. A person that does not adhere to binary gender conformities. A generalist expression to encompass all genders that do not align directly with male or female, or that align to both at a similar time. Examples are agender, genderfluid, gender-neutral, demigender, genderqueer, bigender, multigender-"

"Okay Data thanks" Geordi said, looking away, and when Data focused on him again, his face indicated a higher heat than the rest of his body. "Yeah... that's what I saw too. Apparently the idea of lack of gender has been used by us before... but abandoned for some reason."

"From what I can gather, the usage of non-binary terms was abandoned soon after space exploration began, to avoid confusion among other species" Data said, tilting his head. "Although it does seem to be an extremely narrow and unnecessary change, considering that many other species were found to have more than two genders during the Federation voyages."

"It's like racism Data. People just didn't like differences" Geordi mumbled, looking away and sighing. "Well... yeah. Turns out we once were open to the idea of many genders and that thought just... drifted off into space."

"However, I believe there are still non-binary people in Federation space" Data said, and Geordi looked at him again. "Even if it was abandoned by scholars, there are still pronouns and gender identities being used over at colonies and even Earth itself. So perhaps it is still not fully lost."

Geordi nodded slowly at that, looking around Data's room, squeezing his hands every now and then, seeming both tense and relaxed. After a long time in silence, he turned back to Data, and looked at him, pressing his lips together.

"Data... I think I'm non-binary" he said, as if it was crime confession. Data blinked slowly and tilted his head before he nodded.

"Very well."

Since Data did not know what else to say, they were in silence for quite some time before Geordi let out a nervous, restrained chuckle, shaking his head.

"God what else did I expect" he whispered, and sighed, pulling his hands away. In an act of instinct, something Data was not aware he had, the android held Geordi's hands tighter to keep him in place, and the engineer looked to him surprised.

"Forgive me. You believe you are non-binary. Go on" he said, and Geordi frowned.

"I don't think... there is anything to go on about."

"Of course there is. Tell me what you wish to tell me. How did you come to that conclusion? How will that change our relationship? Should I call you by a different pronoun?"

"Ooookay Data calm down" Geordi laughed and sat down more comfortably again, to Data's own relief (although technically he should not have felt nervous when Geordi moved). After fixing himself on his chair, Geordi hummed and looked at him. "I think... I might be non-binary, because of how much I related to the J'naii, in a way. I mean I know I still have the body of a man... and all that stuff, and I don't want to change it, but gender... the male gender... it's not really my thing you know?"

"I do not know, however I would like you to continue" Data said, honestly, and Geordi chuckled.

"Yeah okay. Honestly I just felt different my whole life... Not in a sense that I didn't wish to do what men did but... just... I don't know how to explain I just feel different. Like I'm not... a man. Nor a woman for that matter. I'm just... not."

"I believe that by the way you are describing your feelings towards gender, that you would meet a closer approach to the agender identity. A lack of connection with gender all together. Am I correct?"

"Yeah I guess so" Geordi said, and chuckled lightly. "It's... hard for me too, I never had to think about this until the J'naii... but like it feels so... clear. You know? Like it has always been inside of me, I just didn't see it."

"I, in fact, do not know" Data said and Geordi ended up giggling.

"Oh no? How do you know you're male Data?"

Data caught himself surprised by that question. He knew he was male, as he always felt comfortable with that approach, but how did he know? He had never questioned it before.

"Perhaps... it was the way I was programmed" Data suggested, in theory of course. "I was built with male sexual organs, and with a male anatomy. I was programmed by a male, and during my conversations with most of the crew I realized that I certainly act closer to a male than a female, even if sometimes I can act more feminine due to my looser approach to gender normality. I believe that doctor Soong programmed me to his image, the image of a male human, and therefore I have the characteristics of a male human, making myself a male."

"Would you care if people referred to you as madam Data? Or she?" Geordi asked, and Data furrowed his eyebrows.

"I would not emotionally care, however I would know they are wrong and correct them. Like I do whenever someone refers to me as an it."

"Yeah... so I guess you understand a little bit about gender too" Geordi chuckled, and squeezed his hand gently. Data looked at Geordi again, and nodded.

"Perhaps I do. More than I previously thought" he said, and leaned slightly over the table. "Geordi, from my researches, humans from the twenty first century that considered themselves agender usually used the pronouns they them to refer to themselves. It is considered a gender neutral pronoun, although there are also neopronouns that could be used in this case. Would you like me to refer to you, from now on, as they them?"

Geordi blinked slowly, clearly in a surprised manner to an unexpected event, and after a few seconds of consideration, he gave Data an unsure nod.

"Yes... I think I would like that" Geordi whispered, blinking slowly. "I mean we could try... I could be overthinking all of this. But I would like to try... as long as you don't tell anyone yet. Okay? Let's try among ourselves first."

"Sounds reasonable. Should I also refer to you as my partner, instead of my boyfriend, in all circumstances?" Data asked. He usually referred to Geordi as his partner anyway, but sometimes people required knowing Geordi's gender. Not that Data ever saw that as an important part of the relationship.

"I would like that" Geordi said with a new smile on their face, and Data squeezed their hand gently. "Thank you Data... I mean this could all be for nothing but..."

"It is a part of human experience to explore and discover more about themselves during their lifetime. If you realize this is not what you wished, I will go back. However if it makes you comfortable, I will do it. And I am glad you told me" Data said, and Geordi smiled wider, standing up and walking over to Data, shamelessly sitting on his lap and wrapping their arms around his neck.

"Thank you. I love you" they whispered, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Data's lips. Of course Data would never say it back, because he could not feel, but he responded to the kiss and held Geordi's waist to maintain them from slipping away, considering their lack of attention at their current position.

It truly did not matter to Data, if Geordi was male, female, or non-binary. All that mattered was the human experience, and how well they fit together, as friends and as partners.

The rest were just... human intricacies.

#my fanfic #geordi laforge #data #data tng #daforge #daforge fanfic #daforge fic #genderqueer #non binary #nonbinary #non binary character #non binary geordi laforge #star trek tng #about me #soft #sweet #no angst

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stephtastrophe · 5 years ago

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I watched every episode of season 1 of Euphoria in the past two weeks and it was so fucking epic! <3

It’s easily one of my favourite shows I’ve ever watched. Better than the last few seasons of Game of Thrones, change my mind. Not possible.

The plots, the directing, acting and aesthetic were all stunning. The plots were crazy at times like all the stuff with Nate being gay and hiding it or bi and his dad also and strangling Maddy and getting Tyler to confess to it instead.

Rue was in rehab, came out, didn’t stay clean long and went back to drugs then finally decided to get clean for Jules. I loved her friendship and love for Jules. They were so incredibly sweet together, it was so gosh darn cute <3 you could tell how much they liked each other and it was a lot and it was so adorable! and pretty pure tbh <3 I love how they would do anything for each other <3

Love, sex, violence, drugs, alcohol, parties, craziness - this show has it all! That’s what makes it so awesome. But it is also beautiful to watch with how well it’s directed. Every shot is pure perfection and every song chosen fits the scene and there are so many good songs! A lot of shows lately don’t seem to have any good songs or only do covers of popular songs lately because I guess it’s too expensive such as Grey’s Anatomy which used to have a great soundtrack but has been reduced to covers only pretty much and I long for the music of the first few seasons.

One thing I love is the many bike scenes which are reminiscent of the scenes of Donnie Darko which is one of my favourite movies. The first time they did it I thought of it.

I wish I had had time to blog about every episode but some I watched one after the other and half at a time. I just always wanted to see the next episode straight away.

But let’s talk about how the freshman season ended which kept cutting back and forth between the prom/party and what else had happened that day/week or recently with the characters or after. I’m still not 100% sure when the intercut scenes took place.

Jules came back from seeing her old friends and met up with Rue and I loved how she dolled her up and gave her a pretty outfit and did her awesome makeup. I love the sequins - it’s so cute. Makes me think I should try make up like that, I never usually wear any tbh. But that looks so cute <3

I liked how the imagined killing Nate after all they did to Jules, it was quite funny but also crazy.

Nate and his dad fought, he took someone else to prom but ultimately ended up with Maddy. They tried to have sex but he couldn’t because he wasn’t hard and he found the disc from his dad’s office in a book. Cal (Eric Dane <3) also collared her and said her and Nate were no good together.

Cassie got an abortion she didn’t really want and had no one to dance with at the prom :( she sat with her sister all night. I also liked her gorgeous ice dancing scene.

Kat went from virgin to slut during the season but ultimately ended up going after Ethan at prom because she liked him which was sweet and they kissed.

Fez robbed someone to get the money he needed to give Mouse.

Rue and Jules kissed a few times because Jules wanted her to “kiss her without asking because she couldn’t not” which is actually a nice sentiment.

They were going to run away together after the dance and got tickets for a train but ultimately Rue decided not to go so as not to worry her family and to stay on her meds which was very responsible of her. It seems she may have grown but it seems instead of Jules staying she still went to wherever it was they were off to. Whether it was to her old friends or somewhere else. That was sad. I did think if Rue didn’t go that Jules would stay with her but Jules went off on her own adventure instead. They have a very complicated romance/friendship sometimes. Yet they became so close so quickly and it was so nice to see. They blossomed so fast as friends and that’s always so sweet. I had that once with a guy but we don’t talk anymore.

Then she snorted some coke and belted out a song, well mimed to it it looked like but it is a song she actually song! I thought it was Beyonce at first! She sounded so much like her and it was a great song. It was a very weird scene of her off her head on drugs but also quite beautiful. Interesting and unexpected.

I really can’t wait for season 2 and I really want it now! I wish I didn’t have to wait what will be a year for it! I loved every single episode so much! <3

It was just brilliant storytelling and visually spectacular. Not many shows are that beautifully done.

I have to miss it for a whole year until it comes back! ;______________;

Also, every actor was great especially Zendaya who I did see years ago in some of Shake It Up and Hunter Schafer as Jules was outstanding! I love how fun and free Jules was. I also loved her fashion and makeup. It was so cute! I honestly can’t believe she hasn’t acted in anything before as she’s so amazing and I wanna see her in so much more!

Eric Dane and Jacob Elordi <3

#euphoria #zendaya #rue bennett #hunter schafer #Jules Vaughn #eric dane #cal jacobs #nate jacobs #jacob elordi #Alexa Demie #maddy perez #Sydney Sweeney #cassie howard #Barbie Ferreira #kat hernandez #Maude Apatow #lexi howard #Angus Cloud #fezco

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wakraya · 6 years ago

Text

Epilogue Content Warnings

So as I said! Let me just. Pull these up real quick and talk about what each of them may mean for the Epilogue as a whole.

SPOILER WARNING FOR THE EPILOGUE BENEATH!

And let’s start with the characters actually!

John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Dave Strider, Jade Harley, Jane Crocker, Roxy Lalonde, Jake English, Dirk Strider, Karkat Vantas, Kanaya Maryam, Terezi Pyrope, Calliope, Caliborn, Lord English: Obviously they would be here.

Aradia Megido, Tavros Nitram, Sollux Captor, Vriska Serket, Gamzee Makara, Eridan Ampora, Feferi Peixes: Also likely to be either mentioned or to have Ghost Shenanigans. It’s quite the Troll the Meowrails aren’t around though- Equius is not around I guess because he IS a Heir of Void after all. Nepeta not being there though, come on Hussie. that is just you Trolling us with another Dead Nepeta joke.

Aranea Serket, Meenah Peixes: Makes me think we’re not going to see the Dancestors at all. They’re the two more prominent ones, and part of the whole plan to defeat LE, so they would easily be mentioned.

Davepetasprite^2: Please come back, Birbcat.

Barack Obama: This is almost DEFINITELY Dave rapping.

Male Character(s), Original Female Character(s): Likely to be any new resident of Earth C. Honestly, just the Salamanders and Carapaces already fill this.

So now let’s go for the warnings! It should be noted, while all of these do appear, a lot of them are juxtaposed to be humorous with the more heavy-seeming ones, so let’s get into it.

Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Alternate Universe, Death, Incestuous Undertones, Meta, Manipulation, Rapping, Furry, Anthropomorphic Characters, Power Imbalances, Blood, Trickster Mode, Interspecies Relationships, Guns, Murder, Black Romance, Existential Crisis, Xenophilia, Daddy Issues, Robots, Gore, Aliens, Assassination, Theft, Ghosts, Mind Control, Teenagers, Possession, Kidnapping: This is just Homestuck 101.

Eating, Food, Clown Dynamics, Fridging, Feet, Early 20th Century Dance Movements, Clown, Honk, Faygo: These seem largely peppered in for the fun factor, and to break the... Concerning nature of some of the other ones.

The Economy, World War, Political Intrigue, Genocide, Political Rebellion, Fascism, Religion, Capitalism, Reality Television, Propaganda, Super PACs, Prison Camps, Gerrymandering, Revolutionary Rhetoric: This in general seems like it’s gonna be societal commentary talking about either Alternian or Earth Society, and perhaps some talk of stuff that’s happened in the past of Earth-C. With how messed up Alternia is and the stuff Condy did... Yeah it all checks in.

Xenophobia, Speciesism: The Snapchat Updates hinted at the possibility of anti-Human Trolls, and likely of anti-Troll Humans in the same vein, for literal Xenophobia and Speciesism, or grouped with the prior category for... You know. Sadly truthful commentary on social issues.

Misogyny, Sexism, Transphobia, Misgendering, Gender Transition, Nonbinary Character(s), Identity Questioning, Detransitioning: These are likely some of the ones that people are the most worried about- Specially regarding the one about ‘Detransitioning’. However... Honestly my two bets here are that, John is going to bump into Davepeta and have a brief moment of misgendering them before being corrected and some talk about gender identity, and that Dave may give John a big talk regarding identity and fucked up societal stuff.

Sexual Abuse, Rape, Non-Con, Dubious Consent, Slut Shaming: These may easily tie in with the previous one too, as V mentioned, these aren’t things we’re going to see at all, but they are going to get briefly discussed. So no one’s going to get coerced into anything. Bad themes but, stuff to talk about.

Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Abuse, Unhealthy Relationships, Domestic Abuse, Bad Parenting, Toxic Masculinity: I’m going to be honest. This. This just sounds like Dave’s gonna talk about Bro again.

Body Horror: This could be MANY things. Some awful wound described in full detail, it is gonna tie in with ‘Gore’ for certain. Maybe talking about Gamzee being split in half.

Alcohol Use, Drugging, Drug Use, Chronic Illness, Vomit, Addiction: The drug mentions already happened with Rose, and she’s medicating herself. Thankfully I trust she’s not falling in any sort of addiction, but the ‘Vomit’ tag could imply it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. Or maybe it’s entirely unrelated and Gamzee just barfs blood again.

Mental Illness, Depression: Someone get all of these Kids to a Therapist. Honestly.

Starvation, Suicide, Funerals: These are the ones I’m the most... Worried about. Suicide there could be talk of their Immortality, hell maybe it’s even a morbid but still joking thing that’s not serious, but I’m kind of concerned it may be more. Starvation though, I can’t... Think of anyone who could Starve, except perhaps Terezi having been outside searching for Vriska for so long, and I worry... And Funerals, please just talk about Mutie’s and Rose’s Funerals, please no one die. :I I mean except John, which I’m assuming may die, but I’ll talk about that later.

Poisoning, Pica: Another possible alternative for the ‘Vomit’ warning? It may also tie into some assassination attempt. There’s no ‘overdose’ tag, so I am ruling out the idea that Rose IS gonna start going too far. Like straight up. Pica is also a disorder in which someone eats non-edible stuffs, which could cause poisoning and vomit? But. Honestly? I think... Pica is just going to be Terezi eating chalk.

Friends to Lovers, Polyamory, Infidelity, Marriage, Cuckolding: Now BEFORE any of you crucify me for putting Polyamory and Infidelity together. I know. I’m not implying anything. BUT while it’s possible that like. Rose or Kanaya had some talk about their marriage. I think it could be quite hilarious if John saw Jade, Dave and Karkat like. Making out amongst themselves at different points and assume that they’re cheating on each other, or worse, that they tease him for having that come to mind immediately. ‘wow karkat i cant believe youre cucking me with jade im hurt’ ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP STRIDER, OH MY GOD-’

Pregnancy, Breastfeeding, Breastmilk, Diapers, Children, Babies, Milking: I know everyone’s IMMEDIATE thoughts is that someone’s gonna get pregnant. But honestly it could just be pregnancy talk and... Breastfeeding and Milking that’s just. That’s just gonna be ARquius isn’t it.

Eggs, Alien Biology, Ovipositioning: No! Stop! There’s not going to be any weird Troll Stuff! Shame on all of us. This is most likely regarding the Mother Grub, although I wouldn’t mind hearing more about Canon Troll Anatomy.

Cannibalism, Vore: I am. I am going to go ahead and think this is because of the drawing of Roxy eating a baby??? Honestly who even KNOWS at this point. Is Caliborn going to try to VORE anyone like a god damn snake? Good lord.

Mind Break, Rough Sex, Light BDSM: Remember that there’s NO sexual content in the Epilogue. Confirmed. So uh... Yeah. Okay I added ‘Mind Break’ here for humorous effect but honestly it may be better suited for some of the messed up warnings above, maybe alongside Mind Control? Oof. Rough Sex... I can imagine someone joking about it? Maybe someone gets really shameless with the innuendos. And Light BDSM I’m just going to say we’re going to see Clover. Or... Gamzee DID get tied up. Does that count?

Bimboification: This fucking one. This one is the one that throws me out for a limb the most. It may be relating to the Trickster Mode? It may also be related to Caliborn and him like. Objectifying the characters or something, but that isn’t as ‘ification’. Another thing that’s got me wondering is ‘Bimboification’. As FAR as I understand this term to go, the correct way of saying it is ‘Bimbofication’? So either it’s a typo, OR ‘Bomboification can apparently be used some times for specifically males? What I’m saying is, I can’t believe Lord English really is a Himbo.

Redemption: V... Vriska? Maybe. But also I kinda hope not. I’m really wishing ‘Redemption’ comes from everyone working their shit out together and being a big bunch of friends again.

Canon Compliant, Canon Divergent, Self-Sacrifice: Finally! The last ones! This is both Canon Compliant and Canon Divergent, which should be easy enough to parse through the Meat-Candy choice (And what I believe will be a split-path with the next update). Self-Sacrifice... Yeah that is what’s going to happen with John isn’t it? At least in the ‘Meat’ path. But I’ve talked already too much and gotten too Spoilery, ssssh!

So hey! These warnings don’t look so intimidating when you realize 90% were already things that happen in Homestuck proper, and the rest can be discussed in an adult manner without having awful things happen to people.

I’m mostly worried about people dying and getting hurt.

#Homestuck #Upd8 #Epilogue #Homestuck Spoilers #Spoilers

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