#honestly its just great for sad stuff

[cosmique-oddity]

Feeling drained from my vital force ;_;

School sucks

[cerbreus]

another day chained to my desk wishing i could be outside enjoying the lovely beautiful weather :/

[skitskatdacat63]

Fashion wise, what is your favorite historical period?

Hmmmm this is hard honestly, cause I can be convinced into any if I see enough pics/paintings tbh. I really like anything post ~1630s or so(I HATE THOSE RENNAISSANCE ERA PANTALOONS) Also oops idk much abt women's fashion bcs I like men's clothing a lot more ;;;; I love suits. love wearing suits. Yeah.

I feel very fond obviously of late 1600s-early 1700s obviously bcs of boy king au. I like how pre-19th century, men's and women's clothing feels pretty evenly matched(in terms of flamboyance and detail.) So much embroidery and ruffles and everything. And I really like breeches, how high waisted they are. I guess I really like the cut of the clothes. Also Napoleonic era, so important to me, I love how high waisted the breeches are, the stockings, the tailed coats, and everything yknow???

I also really like late 1800s-early 1900s as well, mostly bcs of Leyendecker's art. Like if you've seen Oppenheimer, the suits he wears before Los Alamos are soooo perfect to me. I really like how flattering they are to the body, small waist, long legs, broad shoulders aahhhh!!!

If only it were socially acceptable to wear suits all the time 🤧 I find modern fashion to be pretty boring, even if easier

Anyways this is historical me if you even care:

Cofi told me this painting looks like me 😔 true tbh

[kaleidoscopiclights]

Every once in a while I see people still look back at Crestoria, and its story is always the thing they seem to speak most highly of. As much potential as I feel the story has and it does make some decent, kind of poignant lines, I could never bring myself to look at the story without some bias. For me, this followed the debacle with the right-wing Digimon creator, and was too close of a parallel to MeToo (more specifically, WeToo) a little too much. Down to the fact that it just felt way too close to how often people were "seemingly" framing, "poor, innocent" young men of crimes and broadcasting it (on social media), and mass persecuting them.

Yes, Kanata was innocent (and Misella), and I could be remembering wrong, but I just felt like there was so much more emphasis on Kanata in the whole persecution than even on Misella. And the way it was all set up just felt so... convenient to tell the story? I don't know if there could have been a more organic transition to everything, but it just made it all weirder. It's a shame too, because I get why using Kanata wasn't a bad vehicle in terms of "average boy learns the hard way" and societal conformity, but it seems like all of the themes and messages would have stuck just as well and made more sense realistically if Misella was the protagonist and more of the focus compared to Kanata. Plenty of women are complacent in society, and realistically, (cishet) men are way less likely to suffer actual and/or long-term consequences of cancel culture, especially if they were genuinely innocent. But minorities tend to come under the hammer of cancel culture more frequently and harder, and have to struggle to recover their image that much more, whether they're innocent or guilty. (And when they did do say/something, it was way less impactful or harmful than their White, male counterparts get away with.)

Crestoria feels like it had a lot of great space to make real commentary about its themes, but I really don't buy into it as deeply as others do that swear on it, and it kind of makes me squint that no one else ever seems to pick up on the small nuances. (Then again, people still don't understand cancel culture that well, to this day.)

[bmpmp3]

one thing the musical isotope cevio voicebanks have on like any other vocal synth ive seen is how intensely moody and expressive they can be. i thought it was just kafu who had that gritty breathy seething sound but rime and haru are also both great for angrier or more intense emoting

[jaal-ama-daravv]

dissecting the emmrich lich romance argument scene (all routes)

dissecting the graveyard scene dissecting the alternate romance path dissecting the emmrich romance scene (lich) emmrich x rook cinematic (lich) emmrich x rook cinematic (mortal)

Dissection - Mortal Emmrich Argument Scene Version

Emmrich Romance - Argument Scene (Lich Path)

i love and hate this scene so let's get into it -

keep in mind that even though emmrich is now a lich, his fear of death is still very much alive. emmrich immediately expresses his feelings to rook stating that he hopes that they can stay back abit in the battle. for fear that they will be hurt, or killed.

the second 'No' escapes Rook's lips, Emmrich bows his head with sadness. He wishes that she would heed his words because he is afraid to lose her.

Rook's response infers that she is offended by the request to have her 'stay back aways' during the battle, keeping in mind that this battle is rook's and she has been fighting it this whole time. yet, rook still shows that she cares for emmrich, by asking what brought this on.

emmrich states that he can see the life course through us, but is aware that he will lose us to time. in this one sentence emmrich is telling us that he is afraid of rook dying, he is deathly afraid to lose rook, and thats not even overselling it. Emmrich is afraid he will miss Rook forever and will never get over it.

which quite frankly, he wouldn't.

Divergence - Option 1

Rook responds with 'Oh, Emmrich' - Rook is calm and considerate in this response, knowing his fears are real to him.

even as I am (a lich) the mind (rationality) is a victim of the heart (love for rook, fear of them dying). even as emmrich is a lich, his fear of death is rampart, now mostly transferred to rook. emmrich is calm when spaeaking, but fear can be heard in his voice.

im no fan of this line, but it's what im working with so - it feels, double barrelled. on one hand telling emmrich he is not great at keeping stuff in because he is emotional and has panic attacks, and in the same sentence telling the big softy to not mourn the love of his life forever.

this line is delivered with some condescension, and honestly, valid, as the previous line feels on par with Divergence Path 2, invalidating emmrichs fears/feeling for rook. in saying that, emmrich is trying to plead with rook to be careful.

valid all around - rook wake up and smell that the man loves you immensely please

he can, and will be, because he is in love with you

facts - once again, hello darkness my old friend, its fear of death calling

ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch

Divergence - Option 2

You ever been mid panic attack and someone cracks a joke? that is exactly emmrichs response and mindset going forward. now watch the anxiety and panic escalate

rook once again, missing the beat, emmrich escalates by reiterating that he is afraid to mourn rook forever. his voice is shaking. this man is breaking his own heart by imaging the death of his beloved. reiterating my point in earlier posts that emmrich, whilst experiencing relationships and love before, hasnt experienced rook and the connection they share. im reiterating my soulmate trope here - and as we continue

i cant defend rook on this point anymore, 3 strikes ur out

defeat slicks off of emmrichs voice as he speaks this line, inferring 'does rook not love me?' 'does she not feel this'

bottom line is rook is in love with emmrich, just as much as he is with her. rook is however pre-occupied with survivng and getting through the battle, whereas emmrich in this moment in knuckled down in black and white thinking - which has been unfortunately backed up by rooks lil jokes. his anger is valid, just as -

Rooks concern with no realsing that Emmrich is having a menty b, is also valid.

both have their defensives up now. rook for upsetting emmrich, and initially being upset at the notion of 'stay back aways in battle' and emmrich for being scared out of his skull that rook will not exist anymore and he has to spend enternity mourning her, also feeling rejected.

Divergence - Option 3

oh jesus -

on god im trying to be non-biased for this but cmon. the man has a gutteral fear of death, he became a lich he was so scared, you were there rook.

valid king

possible, but rook, sweetie, you're being invalidating.

I was gonna make a comment but then -

insert office stare meme

so here - emmrich is clearly tired of trying to explain himself to rook, and rook backfires with just wanting emmrich to be happy, and calling him an idiot. imo, this route is a straight up argument, whilst both path 1 and 2 have some depth to it. I believe it was done this was because when you choose the mortal path for emmrich, it focuses around supporting emmrich to be happy 'in the now', whereas in the lich path, there is no now for emmrich, it is forever, it will always be forever. I believe this path is to show the frustration between rook and emmrich, one being mortal and immortal, whereas the other two paths have a focus of acceptance. whilst not there yet, its apparent.

All routes lead to -

rook has now said something to akin of a personal insult to emmrich, which then leads rook to 'snapping out of it' as their face changes to disbelief 'oh my did I just say that' aka regret, with Emmrich bowing his head and saying "Rook, I..." in response. Rook states that they should pack as they have to leave soon.

if biowares goal was to have me fear for mine and emmrichs life in the upcoming mission, they succeeded.

All routes leave emmrich feeling scared and confused as he looks to the gorund, holding his hands together -

and rook mumbling under their breath, with confusing and 'ugh, i just wanna shake him and kiss him energy' - rook recognises that emmrich is afraid, and their faults in the conversation.

all in all, this is a touch scene, because it is evident how scared they both are and just want the other to survive so they can be safely back home together. the lich version is more centered around death and mourning as they have alreayd broached the l word, where in the mortal version, you can essentially call emmrich a coward. a very heart breaking scene, which adds numerous layers of depth to emmrich and rook as characters who have flaws but are still loved.

imo, i stand tall that emmrich and rook are in love with eachother and it becomes more evident in the next scene. they have this soulmate type of love, the kind where you would hang off the side of a cliff, hanging on by the strength of your index finger if it meant you could save them. the type of love where one look speaks a thousand words. the type of love that a lich lord would go rogue trying to bring their dead love back.

to add on to the soulmate lover trope this snippet from the Flame Eternal short story feat. Emmrich & Johanna where they are burying a deceased lover with another.

"Johanna snorted. “All that fury, ending in another grave.” “Oh, I don’t know.” Emmrich ran a hand along the coffin’s snowy marble. “It would be rather fine to possess such an enduring affection. Besides, you did see this through.”

Emmrich YEARNS for love. YEARNS. He has yearned for the type of love him and Rook have for over 20 years, at least. THE MAN IS RUNNING HIS FINGER ALONG A COFFIN AND ROMANTICING IT. Romanticising possibly, loving someone so much that he is buried with them (quote flashback to Hezenkoss in the final boss battle of "Ill make sure to bury you and your new lover together", now has more depth) or loving someone so much that love would be eternal together, that type of love where you want to be buried together. for over 20 years he has yearned for this love, and he has found it in the middle of the end of the world. please note that emmrich has a fear of abandonement as well like, huge. oh and add in the comment made by Harding in game about Rook and Emmrich moving too fast, please there is only one trope that goes from 0-100 real fucking fast.

Sending thanks to @galedekarios for sharing a conversation between Davrin and Emmrich, here. This post adds a tremendous amount of depth to this argument conversation. I 100% AGREE with Gale's depiction of 'Emmrich not being equipped for lichdom' because it makes sense. If you think back to the lichdom decision scene and dissection, we mentioned how Emmrich had everything he needs to do lichdom. No?? Clearly not. look at what we have just dissected. Then further on the man is practically on his knees begging rook to be careful, telling them that he will find them in another world. In the event of Rooks death, Emmrich would go rogue. He would lose it. Yes, he is a kind and gentle soul, but he has that fire in him. A protective, and obsessive power that he would do anything to bring back his love.

Additionally, Emmrich grew up poor. This would impact his view on society and love. But more impactfully, it would impact his view on himself. His self-worth. Emmrich likely thinks he doesnt deserve this type of love. Hence the attempt to push Rook away and act over-suave at times.

considering dragon age veilguard is centered around the theme of regret, it is no suprise that saying things you regret have showed up in this game, particularly before the eve of battle and impending doom.

ill have the romance scene dissection soon for you hungry necromancer lovers - ill likely do the mortal versions as well

[wilwheaton]

hello mr wil wheaton when you were my age (like exactly i think) you were filming stand by me

I turned 13 during production, so if you're about to become a teenager, I hope you'll let me offer some thoughts that I wish an adult had shared with me, then?

I know this is a wall of text, and giving someone this much of your attention is a HUGE ask. Maybe bookmark this for another time, if you're not into hearing an old man talk.

I wrote this a few days before I turned 50. Thank you in advance for listening, and I wish you a life filled with joy, unconditional love, kindness, and adventure.

Hey everyone! An old man is talking!

In seven days, I will be 50 years-old. This is ... weird. I do not feel the way I expected I would feel when I was approaching 50, nor do any of my friends. The only time I feel like I'm middle-aged is when my body does some bullshit that takes me down for hours because I had the nerve to stand up quickly. And I really hate it when I have to use the flashlight on my phone to see a menu. I mean, at that point, I may as well be dropping my pants for free and singing the Old Gray Mare.

Anyway. This has been on my mind for a little bit, so I had something to say when someone used my tumblr ask me thingy earlier this week:

Q: I hope I'm as cool as you when I'm 49. I'd like to think I'm taking the right steps towards that version of myself. A: So I'm not sure I'm cool, but I do know that I don't suck, and that it's a choice I make every day. I desperately wish someone in my family had told me, or shown me by example, that getting older doesn't mean getting stupid and boring and stuffy and extremely uncool. I wish I'd known that, because I spent all of my life until I was in my 40s feeling like there was this day coming very soon when I would have to stop listening to punk, stop playing video games, put on a suit, and start yelling at kids for no good reason. I didn't know that you don't have to suddenly stop being who you are and become something or someone you hate, just because of a certain age. I know that's super obvious, but to young me, it was not. My dad was an asshole, my mom never showed up for me. Directors and people on set had been treating me like a thing for my entire life. I got yelled at for no reason from adults who knew better almost every day. Most of my elementary school teachers were authoritarian, evangelical assholes. All of these different adults, consistently, shut me down and made me feel like I didn't matter, the things I liked were stupid, and my opinions were invalid because of reasons I didn't understand because I was a dumb kid. So I presumed that when you got to be a certain age, that's what happened. I didn't want to be that, at all, and I was sincerely afraid of the day it would happen. But as I got older, I discovered that all that stuff I hated about adults doesn't automatically happen. Those adults I just mentioned all made a choice to be an asshole. I just didn't know it. I was in my early 20s when I did a movie with a cinematographer who was, I think, 45 at the time. He was the coolest, kindest, most artistic dude I'd ever known. He mentored me and we had epic fun making great art together. I remember telling him, "I'm not afraid of being in my 40s like I used to be. I didn't know you could still be cool." It's sad, that I grew up in such a toxic environment, and didn't know any of these things. So, 9 days before I turn 50, here are a couple things I have figured out: You know who sucks when they hit 49 and 50? People who sucked when they were 20 and never grew up. You know who is an asshole at 49 and 50? Yep. Someone who was an asshole as a kid and never experienced consequences for being an asshole. Hitting middle age has been awesome for me. Other than the aging of my body and its reluctance / refusal to do what I want it to do, I love everything about it. I wish I hadn't spent so much of my life being afraid that, when I hit 50, it was all over. Because honestly it's kind of just starting. The coolest stuff in my life to date has all happened in the last ten years, and I'm so grateful that it coincided with me figuring out a lot of shit so I could enjoy it.

The best part of getting older, by several thousand light years, is the part where we figure out how to stop putting up with other people's bullshit, and we contract our social circle until it's only populated with a VERY few people who deserve us. And I am incredibly grateful for these occasional opportunities to be a 49 year-old dad who can say all the things that would have been reassuring for 19 year-old me to hear (he wouldn't have understood, but 29 year-old me would have remembered, and he would have understood. I think.) I sincerely hope someone hears it and finds it helpful. Anyway, you're gonna be fine. Just remember that being cool, kind, honest, honorable, reliable, listening and showing up … they are all choices. If you want to be cool when you're 49, make the choice and set the example for someone to follow you. Treat kids the way you wanted to be treated when you were young. Listen to them when they offer you the privilege, because that means they trust you, and you have credibility with them. Be a mentor. Be supportive. Show up. Make a choice to be the person you need in the world, and never stop being that person. Start today, and when you're nearing 50 like I am, hopefully you'll remember who you needed right now, so you can be that person to someone else in the future. You're already asking the right questions and taking the first steps. I believe in you. You've got this.

Okay, if you've come this far, perhaps you'll follow me a little bit more, and read a thing I wrote about talking to students just a tiny bit older than you, which contains my core values.

Be honest. I’m a very old man, relative to y’all, and I’ve learned that the only currency that really matters in this world is the truth.

Be honorable. This dovetails with number one. You attract to yourself what you put into the world. Dishonorable people will take everything from you and leave you with nothing. Do your best to be a person they aren’t attracted to.

Work hard. I don’t mean, like, at your crappy minimum wage job you hate. I mean do the hard work that makes relationships work, that gets you ahead in your education, that gets you closer to your goals. Everything worth doing is hard. Everything worth doing requires hard work. Sooner or later, you’re going to run into something in your life that’s really hard, and you’ll want to give up, but it’s something you care so much about, you’ll do whatever you can to achieve it. It’s going to be hard, but it’s going to be less hard for someone who has practiced doing the hard things all along, than it is for someone who doesn’t know how to do the hard work because they’ve always chosen the easy path.

Always do your best. Even if you don’t get the result you wanted, doing your best — which will vary from day to day, moment to moment — is all you can ever do. We tell athletes to leave it all on the field. Whatever your version of that is, do it.

This is the most important one. This is the one I hope you’ll all hear and embrace. This is the one I hope you’ll share with your peers: Always be kind.”

When I read number 5, I looked up at them. I was so happy to see a classroom filled with teenagers who were all listening intently, even the ones I thought had tuned me out. “Here’s the thing about being Kind, versus being Nice,” I said. “I have interacted with lots of nice people who are incredibly unkind. Why is that? How do you choose to be nice but not kind?”

I pointed to my head. “This is where nice comes from,” I said. Then, I put my hand over my heart. “This is where kind comes from.” I put my hands out, like, “get it?”

There was this collective gasp of realization that I did not expect, at all. One kid said “Oh damn!” I saw a few kids look at each other like the trick had just been explained to them. They heard me. They really, really heard me. And it was amazing.

Okay, that's all. If you're still here, thank you for giving me so much of your time and attention. I hope you'll come back in a few years, and let me know how you're doing.

[feygaleh]

I saw the post from that account that featured you in an ask from like two days ago and so this is a pretty belated response, but I just wanted to say that it made me so angry like I haven’t been in weeks. I cannot stand Zionist Jumblr, every day they seem to stoop to new lows I did not think were possible.

That post made me so mad because it’s like the epitome of everything wrong with Zionism online today, I simply cannot stand it what with their “I LovE JeWs BeING ThE BaD GUys NOw” like they cannot fathom any member of their tribe being capable of great evils, all while they endlessly call out everyone else for doing wrong. And their weird nonsensical whataboutisms that try and pick out even the most menial or nonexistent “flaws” from the people who challenge them “Faygeleh is for gay males only” and “I see you are learning Hebrew AND YET you still dare to criticize the state, hmm curious” so infuriating honestly.

But the worst thing of all is their endless conspiracies and their dogged assumptions that hold no basis in fact, them literally “Theorizing” about your synagogue being a JVP meeting place like KNOW YOU is simply one of the worst examples of this that I have ever seen up to this point, at least that other account they referenced did the only slightly less infuriating cookie cutter “Fake Jew doesn’t support the fatherland, fake Jews is not a patriot, fake Jew is pretending to be Jewish” spiel, at least I’ve seen that one so many times that I’m growing numb to the constant accusations.

These conspiratorial ramblings are all so completely anti-intellectual that it makes me sick to my stomach, and the worst part is that this is almost everything that I see on Jumblr, there’s almost no diversity in opinion, not a single attempt at any kind of nuance (While still constantly claiming nuance when it suits their agendas), it’s all entirely irrational at its core and it’s all anyone ever makes posts about.

I always celebrate to myself when I find an account that is about something else, either one like yours, or one dedicated entirely to just cool Jewish stuff like art, culture, and history, but those seem to be so few and far between these days, it’s all just about antisemitism or Zionism or the state, you’d think these people didn’t care about anything else, like do these people even enjoy being Jewish? At all? Because from the legacies they’re leaving via their internet footprints it would seem that to them being a Jew is more of a curse than anything and it makes me so, so sad.

Apologies for the long rant, but this one really was one of the worst I’ve seen in a while. I’m not even going anon this time, I’m so tired of cowering in the shadow of Zionism and all its religious extremism.

i know exactly the post and i had my own similar reaction because it’s all such cowardly baseless takes they’re making. i have nothing to add here, you’ve perfectly summarized all of my feelings on and about zionist jumblr.

thank you for this message, it is so so uplifting to know and hear there are other people out there reading the shit these people are saying and also thinking they’re being deranged. it’s such a harmful echo chamber they’re in that sometimes i start to wonder if i really AM alone in this because they say it so much. but as long as i’m here and alive and joyfully jewish, there will be a contesting voice.

[gatorbites-imagines]

on my hands and knees begging for a victor creed/sabertooth fic. one of the finest mutants in the comics and he gets so little attention

Victor Creed x male reader

Headcanons

Love this fellow… big fan of cats… Heres just some all over the place relationship headcanons :3c

The silly… the very very deadly silly. He really has you going “what murderrrrr, he’s the best guy around???” because he’s actually nice to you. Or well, as nice as Victor can be.

You obviously know all the shit he’s done and that Victor is very much a hater down to the very bone, its very obvious. But you love him anyways. And how can you not, hes very handsome and warm.

Victor is not the most verbal when it comes to his feelings for you, like, at all. He has only said I love you on very rare occasions, and that’s when he or you are near death, or if you guys are getting married.

He shows his care and love in other ways, like beating up anyone who looks at you wrong. Or bringing you dead stuff, like some kind of big cat.

Speaking of cats. Victor purrs, because I said so. He also likes to lay and laze in the sun and will drag you along to lay against his chest as he just basks in it, rumbling deep in his chest and snoring.

Victor can sleep 16 hours a day like a cat, something you always joke about when you catch him. Logically you know it’s because he gets less sleep than he should and needs to catch up, but teasing him is just very fun.

Victor is a very gruff and mean guy in every way, hes a huge dick to say the least. Even to you, in the beginning. And the beginning of your relationship was a lot of arguing or tension. You honestly have no idea how you guys really started dating.

A lot of the issues stem from Victor just leaving whenever he wants for however long without telling you or keeping you in the loop. Theres also the issue that he just doesn’t communicate anything that might be wrong, instead just letting it fester.

But with a lot of work, you two figure it out. Sure, he still runs off to throw down with Wolverine on the semi-regular, but he gives you a timeframe he will be home, and actually looks sorry when he doesn’t make it.

At times when you are extra angry you’ll make him sleep on the couch or in the guest room, and Victor will stand at the foot of your bed, holding his blanket and looking so sad and pathetic. This should be impossible for a guy like him, but somehow, he does it.

Speaking of cuddling, I think Victor thought he wouldn’t like doing it. but then he realized how good it felt when you scratched your nails across his chest or through his hair, and that he could actually purr, since he first started purring with you.

If you are a mutant, then you have lunch or dinners with some of the x-men, if you aren’t a member. Victor gets dragged along, and he and Logan have to behave for the day. At least Victor bakes a great pie for these luncheons.

You make sure to reward him for behaving, as well as Victor is able, when you guys get home. How that reward goes depends on the day ;)

[kinardsboy]

Kinda rambling here and apologies in advance because a majority of my blog is rants but I kinda just need to get these feelings out about how… terrible eddie is as a friend .. this is gonna be a long ass post lol

Eddie is, at his core a very opportunistic person.

Now, I think I should preface this with saying that this alone does not make him a bad person, and I would even argue in his defense that it is likely a trauma response/survival mode from being a dad at such a young age, and losing army pals and Shanon. However, that is not an excuse for the way he treats people.

Let’s start with the biggest example: Buck. Buck does, frankly almost everything for Eddie. He babysits without complaining, cooks for Eddie, does Eddies chores (when Eddie seemingly has fuck all to do versus buck who just worked a full shift), rents eddies house for him so he can go to texas, and then leaves without complaint when Eddie wants to come back.

Looking at the babysitting aspect closer, we can see that Eddie uses Chris as a bandaid for Buck’s problems because, its the easiest solution. Chris is a child and Buck cant be too sad around him otherwise he’ll likely worry Chris. So when Buck got his leg critically injured and was unable to work, did Eddie come over and show concern for his friend? Or did he throw his son at the problem (and get free babysitting on top of that) all while boasting about fixing the “problem”?

Then, when Buck was (imo rightfully) suing the department for his job back, did Eddie show concern for his friend? Try to understand it from his perspective? No. Instead Eddie insulted Buck for not being able to deal with shit like everyone else and called him exhausting. Then, SPECIFICALLY called out the fact that Buck wasnt able to do anything for him. 1. Not being able to bail him out of jail and 2. Not being able to see Chris.

The next issue I take with Eddie and Buck’s relationship is that Eddie seems to think he’s the only one allowed to have emotions. Especially because he stuffs most of them down all the time, so when he finally takes his head out of his ass and lets himself show something it feels like he expects the world to stop in amazing and praise him for it.

So when Buck is going through something at the same time as him, lawsuit and bobbys death arcs, Eddie gets frustrated very easily. Now, Eddies anger is something I have mixed feelings about and is not going to be the main topic of this segment. But, in both instances we see Eddie being VERY easily frustrated at Buck and our most recent example we had Eddie grab Buck, make him flinch and get in his face like he was going to hit him. Then, similarly to the lawsuit arc he uses Chris as a bandaid to fix everything. While AGAIN, making Buck do more emotional labor to keep Chris comforted and happy while BUCK IS GOING THROUGH HIS OWN TURMOIL JUST LIKE THE CRUSHED LEG ARC. Not to mention he also puts his friend duties onto chris to fix his mistakes and comfort buck..

I dont want to discuss the entire buckeddie stuff in 8.17 because honestly? It was really triggering and manipulative and people have already done much more deep analysis on it than what i have just said- so..

All this to say, Eddie and Buck have what is in my opinion an unbalanced and toxic friendship.

Eddie’s relationship with the rest of the 118 is honestly, hardly shown. However I think thats another point to my side, that Eddie is friends with them because its convenient and easy. He works with these people every day and naturally builds a bond with them due to the risky nature of their job.

This isnt to say Eddie hasnt done anything for Buck or the 118, but with Buck especially, its very unbalanced.

Two former 118 members were also see this issue with is Tommy and Lena,

Starting with Tommy: Tommy was a great friend for Eddie because he provided him with a lot of things. Fun (no doubt expensive for Tommy) excursions to Vegas, a basketball buddy(heh), i think he even babysat chris once(?), and someone to spar with. Now, theres nothing wrong with sharing hobbies in a friendship but the SECOND things got inconvenient and tough for Eddie to be friends with him, he decided it wasnt worth the effort and dropped him immediately.

This, in my opinion was not in solidarity to Buck, because Buck never spoke ill of Tommy or asked Eddie to unfriend him, Buck even seemed shocked that Tommy mentioned Eddie giving him the cold shoulder. It was because Eddie didnt want to put in the effort to something that was going to be awkward.

Next we have Lena, perhaps the only one to ever call Eddie out on his bullshit. Eddie took and took from her, vented to her and then when she tried to get something back from the relationship it.. well failed miserably, and she rightfully called their friendship a one way street.

We truly lost her too soon 😞 (real quick side tangent but i take huge issue with people whatabouting her in regards to Eddies fight club arc.. Lena had her shit under control PLUS, EDDIE IS A GROWN MAN WHEN ARE WE GONNA STOP BLAMING WOMEN FOR MENS OWN CHOICES DONT PISS ME OFF).

So yeah this rant was basically a very long way of saying Eddie fucking sucks a friend and needs to seriously work through some shit before I will consider him to be like able. ESPECIALLY after 8.17.

[thesorrowoflizards]

one thing i love about harry and sophie's whole thing is that they are both wholeheartedly theater kids. like it's more obvious with sophie given it's explicitly explored in canon but with harry i mean. CMOOON. have you seen how much he SAVORS his roles?? he throws his whole pussy into every con ESPECIALLY when he gets to play a weird little freak (actually very funny that harry's two roles are almost always 1. himself, sometimes literally 2. insane campy little freak. says a lot about 1 doesn't it.) and he's so overjoyed and so dramatic about it he loves it. it's great. anyway honestly this could be a post good enough on its own but i was thinking about sophie being a director and the idea of a like generally-non-criminals au wherein sophie's the director at a local theater and harry is either a) an unhappy corporate lawyer who takes improv on a whim and ends up getting WAY too into it to a frankly embarrassing degree and it literally changes his life b) already quit his job and is looking for purpose and somehow ends up cast as a major lead in one of sophie's plays. there are different ways to take that too like. is this played seriously? is he in a comedy and getting a LOT of laughs and loving it? or are they playing leads opposite of each other and both of them are having the time of their lives hamming it up (harry keeps reminding her of her lines very unsubtly when she needs it which she appreciates) and playing off each other and occasionally veering wildly off the rails into improv and it's horrendous and a trainwreck and critically hated but they have SO much fun and also they may or may not gain a local cult following bc yes, that godawful, but holy shit was it funny. anyway im just saying. harry and sophie theater kids. harry the sad corporate lawyer getting some new life and energy from local theater, improv comedy, and charity work instead of crime. alternatively, all this happens bc sophie retired to do actual theater stuff while grieving and then fell into this whole thing with this weird new guy in her theater group and that could get so complicated so fast. her being aware of his background, him being very unaware of hers, eventually her life crashing into all that (first via her weird family whom he takes in stride bc honestly a central part of harry's character is just Rolling With It. they're so weird and he loves it and he will commit to the bit without fully understanding the bit. and then via some kind of disaster where he is rapidly realizing she is not a random theater director but also the team is reluctantly impressed with sophie's weird boytoy's ability to fast talk his way to helping with almost none of the information) and this really messes up all the themes of redemption and progression of arcs in canon but we're just having fun here so that's fine. i feel like there's more but my brain is messy rn so this is what i got at the moment

[stump-not-found]

you mentioned once before how you think ford makes bill worse... do you mind explaing how/genq (this is NOT an attack in any form or way! youer characterisations of bill and ford have been ON POINT every chapter that gets realsed and every comic you draw... im really curious as to how ford makes bill worse to understand it too)

i unfortunately do not remember saying this ! i say a lot of things with my mouth

i do think those two are like an emotional feedback loop . kind of got crabs in a bucket vibes, if the crabs were stabbing each other, and the bucket was also stabbing the crabs . at first it was fun but then one crab said "i don't want to stab anymore" and the other one went "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU" . like you do . im prolly gonna ramble a bit so shoving it under the readmore lol

hrmmm if i had to guess it's probably just the fact that ford is not a great dude . and he genuinely just likes bill's attitude and behaviors, even the nasty stuff . because it's really gratifying to be around someone who sees your hard edges, and instead of being repelled by that they're like . fuck yeah . then you both just feed into that infinitely and giggle for ever lalala . it's not even like ford broke the cycle willingly he just got his feelings hurt about bill lying and bill decided to blow his entire shit up because he's just a sad, pathetic coward . will do anything to protect his stupid ego even if it means ruining everything all the time constantly . sure you could have gotten everything u ever wanted but that would have required you looking even a lil vulnerable so honestly man you honestly should just blow up your office building tbqh

also i genuinely don't know that bill has had many people in his life that actually like him so i gotta believe ford was like the worst drug known to man: validation

all this being said i'm not really someone who likes to think of any one person as like . bad or evil . it's reductive and boring, for both bill and ford . bill's definitely worse but he's also not human ?? not that that really matters because humans do some incredibly heinous shit . there's not a one-sized-fits-all moral answer here . also bill's just silly he's just a silly guy

so yah if ford makes bill worse its probably just that he's the one guy who's gonna hear bill say "just don't call me late for dinner" and actually laugh for real at that joke . and then also goes into a whole worship kink which i cannot imagine helped the bill situation at all . like idk what i would do if i met the literal smartest guy in the world & he built me a basement shrine with little to no prompting just because i gave him an epic blowjob . i think i would also go insane

well actually no i would hate that . personally . but i'm not a triangle . maybe being a triangle makes that like . normal and fun who knows

[stardustdiiving]

i would LOVE to know your headcanons on how the archons interact with each other!! (if u want to share ofc)

I HAVE. SO MANY THOUGHTS on this topic and have attempted to organize them the best I can. Here’s like, the layout of how I decided to do this

The context I imagine these headcanons take place in

A little section for each archon and my individual thoughts on how they interact with everyone else

Enjoy the multiple thousand words under the cut

Context these headcanons take place in

So obviously, there’s a lot of different contexts I can imagine the Archons interacting in. Two of them could cameo in a light hearted event like we’ve seen happen with Zhongli & Venti, or…of course, something more serious and plot heavy, because I do feel it’s inevitable Genshin will give us some Avengers Assemble moment with the Seven late into the game JISNXIXJS. When it comes to headcanon stuff, though, when I think of Genshin character interactions I find it most intuitive to put the characters in a casual and lighthearted sort of setting because this is likely what’s needed for the characters’ charm to be on full display.

So for the sake of this post, I’m going to pretend that all the Archons have basically decided to restart the original 7’s tradition of meeting up with each other to hang out—in Liyue or otherwise. I like to imagine that these meetings start as a way for all of Archons to get to know each other, instead of something they all decide to start doing after they become friends because…I don’t know, Traveler or someone suddenly decided it would be great if they all finally met and had a dinner party together or something.

Additionally…just for full indulgence here, I want to imagine that in this situation the Archons are allowed to bring friends to these meetings—especially notable immortals from their immediate social circles who would probably be allowed to see Venti and Zhongli walking around as their real identities and such. This is honestly how I kinda imagine original 7 meetings went too—if they’re gathering in Liyue it doesn’t feel beyond me to imagine maybe some Jueyun Karst adepti are allowed to hang out every so often. I want the setup here to feel casual, therefore I’m allowing like Ei to bring her wife Yae Miko with her because Miko wanted to see Ganyu + also Ei isn’t very social and is relying on Miko to buffer for her SJSICJCDN

Venti

friendly & used to interacting with other archons—presence probably really helps set the vibe. this is great bc like 1/3 of the group has social anxiety

Zhongli — #oldmanyaoiwins

Ei — he’s like “oh it’s Makoto's more introverted sister who seems scary but toootally has a soft spot haha :)". Based off what we know about Makoto I feel he probably got along a bit better with her, but I think he’s fine being civil/friendly with Ei…she’s just probably not the archon he gets along with the most yk

Nahida — you know Venti would love Nahida. What makes this even better is its canon: he says in his voice line for her he “gets along very well with the dendro archon”. This is incredibly endearing to think about and I’m desperate to see them interact bc it would be so cute. But im also kind of haunted by the implications of venti being friends with Rukkhadevata. I feel the idea of just completely forgetting a friend would Venti in particular pretty sad…I like the idea he gets a vague, unnerving sense of Deja vu when he’s around Nahida sometimes but is like hm. Don’t like that. (Though i wouldn’t put it past Venti to be suspiciously knowledgeable about Irminsul things)

Furina —has a very cute voiceline about wanting her invited to windsblume. I feel Venti would have a very specific kind of empathy for Furina’s relationship w/ facade & performance and make an effort to be very nice to her

Mavuika — Wants to go drinking with her. That's great Venti I'm glad you found another Archon who loves alcohol and war trauma repression. (I think they’d get along just fine in casual settings!)

Zhongli

similar to Venti, he's chill & used to interacting w/ other archons. Wouldn't feel unsure of his place there whatsoever. Knows exactly what’s up

Venti — #oldmanyaoiwins

Ei — I dont think he minds Ei, & would be cordial with her in his usual Zhongli way, but there's probably not much chemistry here. Eyebrow raise at some of her life choices

Nahida — would enjoy talking to Nahida because they both love philosophically pondering things. there's a charm to this when you compare Zhongli's extensive lived experience as the eldest Archon with Nahida's eagerness to experience the world as the youngest Archon being notable elements of their characters. (old post I made about this here)

Furina — Canonically goes out of his way to make his respect for her known in voice lines + few interactions in 2024 Lantern Rite, which is very charming. I imagine Zhongli would especially respect Furina’s resolve & commitment to save Fontaine as the God of Contracts, you know? Old Man Rex Lapis wants you to know he thinks you're cool & that you should practice self confidence

Mavuika —??? There would be something so funny about this. Zhongli's civility born out of old man autism & Mavuika's civility born out of her being overly emotionally stable would give their hypothetical interactions such an unintentionally funny awkwardness in my mind. They'd vibe

Ei

Overwhelmingly I imagine Ei would feel Really Awkward about interacting w/ other gods. I think she'd learn to have a good time but would struggle to form really close bonds with any of them individually, at least at first. I’ve always imagined she maybe shadowed Makoto whenever she attended Archon meetups in the past, so in the back of her mind trying to socialize as the Archon feels awkward and more like “Makoto’s thing”. She’s trying her best

Venti — canonically doesnt like him which is so funny to me, & also makes complete sense because i think Venti’s whimsy would just baffle and confuse her. Yae Miko, however, canonically does get along with Venti, which gives me this fantastic mental image of Ei being very sad her wife says she can't blow Barbados up with lightning for being overstimulating to be around because she finds him funny and says it would "totally kill the vibe” of the archon meetup. I really enjoy this coexisting with my earlier note that Makoto probably also got along with Venti. Someone help her

Zhongli — again there’s probably not much going on here but I like to imagine she just thinks Zhongli is kind of weird & needing to exist in physical proximity to him and Venti bantering with each other is a deeply harrowing experience for her

Nahida — I Really love that her voiceline abt Nahida is "aw :) she seems like a very gentle god. I like how she's capable of psychological warfare but chooses not to" it's really funny. I enjoy the idea she finds Nahida easier to talk to than some of the other archons and likes sharing desserts with her. Just generally thinks Nahida is 2 apples tall and very polite/pleasant to be around

Furina — Has a very sweet voiceline where she really empathizes with furina over the 500 years she spent fighting the Shogun. I like to imagine Ei is able to pick up on Furina's nervousness at being around other Archons & kinda tries to connect with her/be welcoming to her, even though that isn’t something that Ei’s very used to doing. Which would be kind of sweet

Mavuika — Similarly to Zhongli there would be something unintentionally funny with this. Ei I feel would be torn between resonating with Mavuika’s experience handling the burden of a War and kind of fascinated by Mavuika’s ability to be charismatic in a leadership position. She’s like I have no idea how you’re doing that but that is okay 💜 are you interested in having 20 friendly spars in a row I think it would be fun :) (honestly? Mavuika is probably the individual Archon Ei would have the easiest time getting along with)

Nahida

strongly believe she’d have social anxiety about meeting the other gods for the first time. Her voicelines about the Seven kinda suggest she’d be worried about fitting in & getting a bad grade in Archon Socializing. She probably warms up fast once she gets to know everyone, especially when she realizes everyone already really likes her and is looking forward to meeting her (which I don’t think she’d expect…cute)

Venti — Has a voiceline wondering if she should ask the other archons to play hopscotch w/ her in an attempt to get to know them. I think if she did this alot of them would ne like “uhh…” & Nahida would get so nervous she’s totally killing the vibe until suddenly Venti mows everyone else down to grab her shoulders and go well BUER MY BFF OF COURSE I'LL PLAY HOPSCOTCH WITH YOU!!!!! and she'd be like :D !!!!! and latch onto Venti immediately. As I said in Venti’s section there is no debating that Nahida and Venti would get along they would both be ecstatic to have someone matching them in Whimsy

Zhongli — To Nahida Zhongli is probably just like this funny old man who will happily infodump to her about the wide range of things he's knowledgeable about for 6 hours straight anytime she asks. Like she knows he's Rex Lapis. She’s just very glad Rex Lapis is autism grandpa 9000 as a person

Ei — I think Nahida would get along fine with Ei but i also think it would be extremely funny if Ei's like, tendency for emotional unawareness just stresses Nahida out conceptually. I want a situation where Nahida understands Ei as a person and doesn’t dislike her per se but she’s cursed with getting exactly why Wanderer and Ei’s relationship is Like That. In my mind this is paired with Ei being very friendly and nice to Nahida specifically because i think it would make Wanderer feel like this

Furina — She’d love Furina tbh. Both of them are smart/sensitive/have spent alot of their lives anxious about meeting the expectations of their people and I think it would be cute to see them hang out :) Nahida probably just finds Furina's presence fun and enjoys hanging out with her

Mavuika — Nahida would think Mavuika is cool & nice and be happy to have her visit Sumeru but also probably feel kind of compelled to study her under a petri dish for her quirky millennial wine aunt demeanor

Furina

So I imagine the other archons view Furina as like, "fellow member of the Seven whos also a human" but not "another archon"—I think Furina would find it stressful to ne treated as an Archon after everything so everyone else would probably like, happily welcome her as part of the group but treat her as a human w/ that in mind. I think this would help Furina be a lot more comfortable interacting w them, but I think she'd also just be frazzled to be considered "one of them" and very nervous/intimidated by everyone & what they think of her at first. I can see her being worried they'd be offended by the "faking being a god" thing too. This would stop once she realizes all of them feel entirely positively and respectful of her but I think even that would be a bit overwhelming at first. I think she’d warm up eventually but just inherently has a lot of baggage with the idea of being “one of the Seven” that would probably inevitably come up in a situation like this…like, I imagine pre-MoTG Furina was probably terrified of the idea of interacting with an actual Archon in fear of them seeing through her act

Venti — I think she'd almost be like…overwhelmed (positively) by Venti, who would probably be being very friendly/welcoming of her as a fellow archon. Once she processes he's entirely sincere in his friendliness & theyre able to connect over their talents in performance arts I think they got along great though! This is assuming a situation she gets to know Venti’s identity…more plausibly I imagine she gets the vibe something about this very nice mondstadt bard she just met is Off (like she kinda sensed something odd about Zhongli) but not be fully let in on the secret.

Zhongli — "THAT'S Rex Lapis? Oh o__o ;; explains why Neuvilette was trying so hard to find him…aha…”

Ei — I’m so sorry but I think it would be really funny if Furina was just a little scared of Ei. Like as I said in Ei’s section I imagine Ei trying to be nice to Furina & connect with her while being just completely oblivious to the fact Furina is kinda worried Ei will strike her down with divine lightning. JJDNDJJDNDJDJDHD. She doesn’t dislike Ei or anything Ei just strikes me as someone easy to find intimidating even when she’s not trying to be

Nahida — I think if Nahida reached out to connect with her over their shared experiences of being rejected/alienated by their people for being too humanly vulnerable it would genuinely mean a lot to Furina & they'd hit it off. I think she’d generally like Nahida but also..I will not lie. I think it would be funny if Furina was also kind of conceptually freaked out by Nahida. Like I think in practice it’s mostly fine but Nahida is probably a little too uncomfortably good at reading Furina so Furina is like okay as someone with deep rooted intimacy issues I am a little stressed out by the conditionally omnipotent mind-reading baby present in this establishment

Mavuika — I think she'd find Mavuika's presence grounding to be around but maybe struggle a bit to start conversation with her, at least at first. I imagine Furina would feel a sense of anxious camaraderie with Mavuika as another human archon but at the same time I feel like if they met pre-MoTG it would've been a bit of a mindfuck for Furina to encounter another human archon, especially one who just seems to have a lot more genuine self-assurance about it than her

Mavuika

Mavuika interacting with the other archons amuses me because I think she's just like disproportionately normal and well adjusted compared to everyone else. I think she engages the others pretty confidently and casually. If you wanted to do something fun with this I think it would be interesting if she gets this weird sense she almost fits in a little too well with the other archons, despite being human. Almost like an inverse of how I think Furina would always feel a bit weird about being considered one of the Seven, even by the other archons

Venti — Would probably rock with Venti's whimsy and enjoy drinking with him. Just thinks he's a solid (if not sort of strange) guy but I think Venti's potiental to mess with Mavuika outmatches Mavuika's capacity to mess with Venti…which would result in her being the target of hijinks. I think she needs this though

Zhongli — I want to say she'd be like "fuck yeah grandpa explain those rock facts in excruciating detail" about Zhongli but I think her saying this to Zhongli's face directly is a bit outside the bounds of Mavuika's flavor of quirkiness. I do feel it's the correct sentiment but she'd probably be a bit more eloquent about it. I feel she'd enjoy his sense of humor and the way he messes with people

Ei — I think they vibe over shared backgrounds in war/combat and Mavuika would have a fun time sparring with her but Ei leaves a very “huh! Interesting" kind impression on Mavuika. Their main common bond is both of them are kind of awkward to socialize with because they're too used to being entirely focused on The War

Nahida — This would be cute. Mavuika is probably just like "awwww haha little guy" and would likely enjoy hoisting Nahida up on her shoulders so she can feel tall. “Cool smart kid who’s nice to talk to” kind of situation. Tbh of this depends on the specifics of how Mavuika interacts with children because while I think she’d obviously be diplomatic and respectful of Nahida as a fellow Archon (tm) i feel you could do something interesting with how Mavuika being human and having very human bonds may impact how she views “peers” even in like an Archon setting, especially as someone who had younger siblings…hmmm

Furina — Would also be cute, I think Mavuika would be pretty thrilled there's another human Archon in the vicinity and intuitively really empathize with Furina. Probably prioritizes approaching Furina because she just really wants to see if they hit it off

I think that’s most of it…there’s like a perpetual archons sitcom happening in my mind. Im less interested in them being this like tightknit established friend group and more this funny opportunity for a lot of different genshin social circles to interact. The fact they’d all have varying levels of chemistry with each other but have an incentive to like, get along/be cordial is really amusing to me

[agirlwithglam]

TEENAGE SUMMER (12-16yo)

so summer has finally arrived and school has ended. and ofc, we want that hot girl summer with the perfect body, mindset, habits, holidays, and a great time in general but what if we have sorta strict parents who are just.. parents. so here are some tips to have your dream summer and glow up but also make it family/ teenage friendly!

GLOW UP:

external glow up tips:

numero uno: WORKOUT. yes, ofc this is on here, what did u think? work.out. decide why u wanna workout first: healthy body? dream body? abs? being stronger? for happiness? for fun? then, you can find a workout on youtube / pinterest for the one you want. (also what i love doing is the workouts on pinterest where its related to a tv show- or just search up [movie/ show name] workout)

smell nice! perfume, scented shampoos/ body scrubs, etc.

SUNSCREEN. trust me, u DO want to put it on.

skincare! moisturiser, lip gloss/ lip balm, exfoliation, etc.

put cold spoons under your eyes in the morning to reduce puffiness.

u dont like something? fix it! i didn't like my teeth for a while, so i got braces. you can't fix it? stop worrying about it and just give it to god cus u got better things to do

MANIFESTING:

affirmations!! affirmations in the mirror, listening to them, repeating them, thinking them, they helped me SO much!

Believe you’re hot. As simple as that.

Visualisation. Imagine people giving you compliments and staring at you all day long

internal glow up tips:

confidence. duhhhh! heres a guide to self love& confidence

abundance mindset. everything works out in YOUR favour.

detachment. stop taking shite so seriously. honestly, if someones hating on you then pity them or laugh then move on. like ur too busy to spend even a second of your day to make someone feel bad about themselves or argue about something pointless.

keep learning! educate yourself, expand your knowledge and your mind.

HAPPINESS. the real glow up starts when you're genuinely happy with who you are and where you are. be a light, carefree, bubbly girl but also remember to set standards and boundaries. when you're just genuinely happy, life truly does start to get better.

hotness is a mindset.

other tips:

channel your little kid energy

take a bunch of photos! (at the end you'll basically have a pretty summer mood board)

don't be on your phone all the time. try to ✨socialise✨ your time on earth is limited don't waste it on crusty, unhot stuff. ur parents will thank you for this as well

romanticise it. (laugh. smile. wear nice clothes, talk to people, get lost in a daydream. appreciate the beauty in stuff. even if its just a sofa.)

be positive. quit complaining. be happy and focus on what you have. spread love and happiness! you're privileged and you are a privilege. act like ittt!

stay present minded. live here, now.

listen to groovy, aesthetic-themes music. to get u into the moooddd!

become a better person. a better daughter/ son, sibling, friend, person in general.

GET OUTSIDEEEE!!!! TOUCH SOME GRASS. its sunny, its summer, why tf r u staying indoors????

sleep girl. sleep. just because you don't have to wake up early tomorrow, does not mean you can stay up till 2am watching netflix. sleep makes your skin glow, makes you look prettier, makes you happier and 10000 more benefits. so sleep.

channel your creativity! (paint, draw, sketch, write, poetry, music, etc.)

play. you're still young!! have fun and do silly and embarrassing things while you still can!!!!!!!

create a summer mood board!

channel a certain era- barbie summer, blair waldorf summer, hot girl summer, etc.

bucket list ideas:

go to a park

redecorate your room

spa day (w friends)

girl slumber parties! (face masks, girlie things, movies)

volunteer somewhere

beach day!

write letters and kiss them (like those pretty pinterest summer!)

go biking (i love doing it in the mornings)

bake! (cakeeee)

get back into some old hobbies (childhood nostalgia)

gardening. care for a plant (then talk to it when you feel sad ur won't be insane i promise)

look at the sunrise / sunset

read dude. just read and romanticise it with a pretty comfy space

make a goal. then work on it so hard that you get it!

learn something new (for me i rly wanna learn crochetting)

scrap booking

do a workout with friends

video diary!! (film everythinggg)

make jewellery (u can sell them after if u want. also there are tons of jewellery making kits on amazon or toys r'us!)

donate / sell stuff (like books and toys)

flower press (with printer tho)

dance with your friends

wear jewellery!! summer necklaces, bracelets, etc!

go for walks (w friends)

get your nails done. (you don't have to go out to get them done. you can do it yourself. i dont have nail polish but my friend does so we love putting it on together)

make some new friends! (join clubs, visit new places, talk to people, join classes,)

go to the beach

"what makes life so beautiful is the fact that it ends"

[ronwestbreeze]

you're gonna go far | 6

pairing: jake sully x neytiri x tsu'tey x fem!human! reader summary: a scientist arrives on pandora (unwillingly) a year after the exile of the rda. now she must deal with the likes of a clan leader, a great warrior, and a thanator rider. . . word count: 8.5k

read on AO3

It was a little difficult to get out of bed that morning.

One of those days.

Long and exhausting. It was challenging to get stuff done. You knew things like this wouldn’t just go away instantly. But you hoped that maybe…

It wasn’t too bad like before. You were able to think about the chores that had to be done later in the day and pushed yourself out of the bedroom.

So you went through most of the day barely existing. Norm was the first to notice your slight change in behavior because he began trying to joke more with you—no matter how bad they ended up being—and tried getting you out of your head. And you were thankful for that. At least that’s what was different this time around. You weren’t entirely alone nor held up in your room.

That was progress, right? You honestly couldn’t tell. Sometimes you felt like you were still stuck, that you weren’t moving forward. Or getting better. At least back to what you used to be.

Yet, you’ve been this way—asleep—for so long that you have forgotten what you used to be like. You forgot when the last time you smiled. You forgot when you felt the most happy or any other emotion besides anger and grief.

You wondered where that part of you went. Some days you went searching. Other days you somberly accepted that it was a part of you, that you were never going to get back.

At some point, you figured it died along with your mother.

“You want me to check on the baby today?” Norm asked you as you were getting ready for your link for the day.

You shook your head as you sat on the link bed, “No, I’ll be fine. Just one of those days, you know? We all have em’.”

He frowned when you shrugged it off or appeared a little too nonchalant about it, “Yeah, I guess.”

“Thanks for offering though.”

“Anytime, Doc.” He gave you a pat on the shoulder, while watching you particularly closely, “Just tell me you need a break. Don’t push yourself, okay?”

He was nice. You needed something like that.

Neytiri noticed it too.

While the two of you were in the garden that day, Neytiri had been saying words in Na’vi for you to repeat. And you did it, not perfectly of course, but you managed. It was just that you didn’t take in any information. Not in the way she knew you to.

You had a certain look that told Neytiri you were hanging onto her every word, whenever you were learning something new from her. Eyes slightly vibrant with curiosity.

That look wasn’t there today. Instead, in its place was a dullness and lifeless sort of unfocused gaze.

Your ears were low again.

Neytiri didn’t know when she became so attentive to your moods or facial expressions. So much so that she could tell when you were somewhat happy and really, painfully sad—

You were just easy to read in this form.

Yes, that was it.

“What is wrong, tanhi?” Neytiri eventually asked because she didn’t completely despise you so much to ignore your change in mood.

There was a twitch in your ears when you heard your name being called. You looked up from the newly planted mushroom seeds you had been mentally counting at Neytiri to find her staring at you expectantly. “Huh?”

She rolled her eyes, “You are not listening. I know you are distracted. What is wrong with you?”

You cringed at yourself for allowing yourself to get so distracted by your swimming thoughts. Drowning in them as usual. “It’s nothing. Just have a lot on my mind.”

But the answer did not satisfy her. Neytiri shook her head, “Sky People are always hiding their feelings. You are doing that. It is okay to be sad. It is natural.”

“I’m not hiding it—” You sighed, turning your gaze back to the mushroom seeds. “It’s just one of those days. Maybe—Maybe today I am sad. I could barely get out of bed and tomorrow it might be worse—what are you doing?”

You watched as Neytiri got up and moved behind you. A second later, you feel a brief tugging at your hair until it became loose from your short braid. “If you want to learn our ways, then you must take care of your hair. I look at it and it is a mess.”

“It was in a braid before…”

“I did not like it.”

With that, she got up again and trekked back into the forest. You watched her go in bewilderment at the sudden change of conversation and attitude from the Na’vi woman. You had no idea what had come over the woman or what made her suddenly leave, but you didn’t focus on it for too long. The confusion and startlement you had was enough energy to continue planting the rest of the mushrooms. You didn’t bother putting your hair back into a braid, not wanting to spend time threading through the thick strands until your fingers were too sore to complete your job. And the last thing you needed was something stopping you from finishing this one simple task—

A splash of cold water was suddenly dumped onto your head, leaving you soaking wet.

And terribly pissed.

You snapped your head behind you to find Neytiri placing the leaf down next to her—which was glistening with water. The same water that was now spilled all over you.

“Neytiri—ouch!”

“Hold still.” Neytiri hissed at you as she ran her long fingers through your hair.

You grumbled but reluctantly listened, still confused and a bit pissed at what was going on. And for a while, the two of you remained there. You, sitting on the ground still counting the seeds quietly to yourself while Neytiri stayed behind you. Braiding a few strands of hair.

It was then you realized just how different your hair was from the way it was in your human body. The hair length was very similar to how you used to wear it when you were a teenager. You wondered then just how old this avatar body was.

Once she was finally finished, she crouched down in front of you to get a better look. Her yellow irises scanning your face and her work. Tucking rebellious strands behind your ear, patting down some of the fuzziness, and making sure the braid was visible around your face.

You watched her quietly. And soon, when she was done obsessing over your hair, she watched you too.

It wasn’t the way you and Jake watched each other. This—this had something different about it.

Time was an illusion here. Trapped in her yellow gaze. You hadn’t realized you had been staring for so long—nor did you realize you had briefly glanced at her lips—until a sudden sound from the forest pulled the both of you out of this strange trance.

And once you snapped to your senses, your body quickly reacted. You shot to your feet and cleared your throat, “I gotta check on the avatar now.” You didn’t meet her gaze. “I’ll see you.”

Before she could stop you, you already scurried off. Stopping once you were far enough away out of her sight.

Stopping when you felt a new pair of eyes watching you rather closely.

You glanced around the forest surroundings as you approached the longhouse with a frown until your eyes locked on another pair of yellow eyes. Severe ones.

Tsu’tey was in the trees further away but enough for you to see him watching you, even when you caught him doing so. He did not look away from you. Narrowed eyes and that scowl resting on his angular face.

For a moment you wondered what the look was for. You wondered what he could yell at you about this time, even though you listened to his demands and had stayed away from the Omatikaya territory.

A scared part of you wondered if he had seen you and Neytiri just now.

Nothing happened. But still, it would give enough ammunition for him to verbally attack you. Hate you even more possibly.

Except there would be no battle today. As Tsu’tey disappeared within the trees without a word.

You were confused but relieved at the same time.

Dealing with an angry clan leader was not on your to-do list. Nor were you properly prepared for it.

After watching the trees in silence, you eventually went inside.

Neytiri watched your retreating figure with a frown, her heart…shifting—only a little bit as you disappeared. Her gaze then moved toward the trees, the area where the sound had come from before. And with an irritated frown, she got up and stalked toward the area.

They were still there. She could feel their eyes on her as she went further into the forest. With a hiss, she glared at the trees, “Come out. Enough hiding!”

Just a little bit above her, a few feet away a familiar warrior snaked out of the bushes and seated himself on the large branch with his usual expression he wore whenever he was away from their shared hut.

Neytiri frowned up at Tsu’tey, “You are watching me.”

“I am watching her.”

After a beat and a quiet sigh, Neytiri climbed up the tree and joined him. Despite his very sour mood, he tugged her close to his side as they sat together. On the branch, they had a good view of the Avatar Compound. A few dreamwalkers were running about but none of them seemed to bother Tsu’tey as much as you did. Neytiri could easily tell with how he kept glaring at the longhouse, the same place she always watched you disappear in whenever you left your false body.

“You have been spending time with her,” Tsu’tey stated more so than asking. There wasn’t much to hide, they both knew Neytiri spent some of her free time visiting you. Only when Tsu’tey or Jake are busy with their duties and she’s finished with hers before the both of them. “I do not like it.”

“She has done nothing.” Neytiri reasoned.

“Yet.”

“And what did I say if she does? I would kill her myself.”

As she said this, Neytiri felt a certain wavering in her heavy words. Like a part of her didn’t believe it anymore.

She rested her head on his shoulder, hugging his arm with a content sigh, “But I cannot ignore what the Great Mother has shown me. She has stopped my bow before and now she’s done it a second time. Do you not think it means something, yawne?”

In the corner of her, she watched as his jaw tightened, his features becoming particularly focused. “I do not trust this.”

“You do not trust the Great Mother?”

“That is not what I mean.” He corrected her calmly. Neytiri knew that Tsu’tey, like any other child of Eywa respected her and trusted in her signs. Always had. That was how he was raised. And she knew he wasn’t about to abandon that because of one demon.

But his words were still reluctant, “I do not know where our Great Mother is leading us. I do not know why she wants that demon spared—when she is just like the rest of them.”

Neytiri considered his words, “Perhaps she is like Jake—”

“There is only one Jake. And she is nothing like him.”

She made a sound of disagreement but didn’t push further on the subject. She noticed how tense he was, how tense he had been for the past week. She wondered then if he was truly upset by this or if there was something more to this quiet anger he so carefully restrained. Of course, his hatred for the Sky People was no question.

But Neytiri knew Tsu’tey.

Skin and bone. Heart and soul.

She knew her mate. Not only as a mate but as a friend. They had grown up together. Along with her sister, Sylwanin. There was nothing he could hide from her even if he tried.

“She may not be like Jake. But clearly, the Great Mother has chosen her for a reason. My mother even allows her to stay—I believe it is time you seek the answers.”

Tsu’tey scoffed but didn’t brush her off. Instead, he leaned in closer, allowing his hand to rest on her growing stomach. “You will be a great Tsahik.”

“Not as great as my mother. Nor my sister.”

Tsu’tey shook his head and cupped her cheek, “You will be great, my beautiful heart.”

A soft smile tugged at her lips only to falter when she noticed how exhausted he truly looked. How close he looked to breaking but hiding it. He could never hide it well from her. Nor Jake.

She then took his face in her hands and whispered soothingly, “What is it, my love?”

Knowing that there was no point in denying a response—knowing that Neytiri would not stop until she got what she wanted—Tsu’tey turned away from her to stare back at the compound.

“The Tipani clan are becoming reckless. They already do not like the Sky People that have stayed—but now that the demon has come, I worry they will begin to take matters into their own hands. I worry…that our clans will begin to clash.”

Neytiri took his hand in hers and pressed a gentle kiss onto his knuckles, “If it comes to it, I will stand by you. Jake will too. But I also will ask you to speak to our Great Mother about your troubles.” She caressed his exhausted lines with a small frown, “I worry for you, Tsu’tey. I do not want you to take on this task by yourself. You have Jake and I to be with you. That is why Eywa brought us together.”

Right then, he seemed to consider her words. His gaze was still unfocused while staring at the longhouse. A silence settled between them.

“Eywa has created this new path for us.” Tsu’tey mused. “Somedays I wonder if it will lead to something good in the end.”

“Do you think it won’t?”

He was silent. And Neytiri didn’t push.

When Tsu’tey went to the Vitraya Ramunong, the night had already settled around him. When he went to kneel at the tree, connecting his queue to one of the links, his prayers were silent. But his questions were clear. His intention was pure to the Great Mother.

What does it all mean? Guide me, All Mother.

So when a single atokirina flew away from the tree, Tsu’tey took to following it both out of curiosity and apprehension. The Great Mother’s answers weren’t always clear. If anything, her signs only led to more questions.

So, Tsu’tey wondered. He wondered if this would lead to any more answers.

Or just more unwanted questions.

Tsu’tey rushed through the forest, never losing sight of the spirit. He kept going and going until he was nearing the Sky People’s base. Until the trees suddenly became familiar. Until the grounds he had seen many times before unwillingly began to appear around him.

But his body never stopped moving. He never stopped following it. Too desperate for answers. Too desperate, too yearning.

Oh Eywa, he was yearning.

And then, and then, and then.

And then he was staring down at your still false body.

It was strange. Seeing no life in your face. Tsu’tey had only seen your false body from far away, but now seeing you up close. You looked so different yet the same as your human form.

Why was he here? Why did the spirit bring him to…

No.

No.

No.

His vision rippled. Your body morphed from your human form to your false body—impossible.

And then he woke up.

Awake.

Awake.

Awake.

Tsu’tey finally realized where he was. Instead of standing in the middle of the forest chasing an atokirina, instead of standing over your false body, he was back in his hut. With his mates sleeping next to him. With his son cuddled between both Jake and him. With Neytiri hugging his waist from behind.

A dream. It was only a dream.

But why you? Why you?

Why?

“Yawne?” Tsu’tey breathed out a sigh and looked over his shoulder to find Jake shifting out of his sleep, looking at him through heavy eyelids. He sat up a bit, careful not to disturb Neteyam’s sleep as he did, “Another nightmare?”

Tsu’tey hesitated—considered the question. The dream he just had. Was it a nightmare?

“No. I am fine. Go back to sleep, my love.”

Jake didn’t look entirely convinced but eventually lied back down. Usually, it took a while for Jake to fall asleep, so Tsu’tey lay back down, adjusting Neytiri’s arm around his waist and squeezing his other hand on Jake’s shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jake asked, his voice deep and sluggish.

Tsu’tey nodded, and tucked his nose into Neteyam’s cheek as gently as he could, “I am now.”

It took you a little longer to get out of bed the following week. But you managed. You watched a few more of your mother’s logs and even some of the other ones still in the system.

Dr. Augustine. Norm. Some guy named Quaritch. And then there was Jake Sully.

As a human.

You paused the video to examine his face. You suppose the traits matched his now blue form. The only difference was that instead of his longish dreads, he had a buzz cut in the video. And a tattoo poking out of his short sleeve shirt.

Eventually, you moved on, willing yourself to forget his face for the time being.

You also tried not to think about the fact that Neytiri hadn’t been back for about a week now. Which was normal. You didn’t overthink it. Especially not after that moment—

Eventually, you moved on, willing yourself to forget your thoughts about her.

Then you remembered Tsu’tey. Him watching you so closely. You hoped he didn’t see you and Neytiri. Frankly, you weren’t sure what would happen if he did know.

He’d kill you. That’s for sure.

Eventually, you moved on, willing yourself to forget all three of them.

When you finally got out of bed, you continued with your regular schedule and tried to think of literally anything else. You tended to your garden by yourself and continued checking the baby.

There was a bit of determination for yourself, to keep moving. To not stay in one place any longer or else you’d be stuck.

And you weren’t sure if you’d make it out if you did.

Jake continued visiting the tank room whenever he could.

Today was one of them. Only this time you made it before he did.

“How’s the baby?”

You glanced up briefly from your notes, “Healthy. It might be because Na’vi babies might grow faster in pregnancy—judging by that we might have a couple more months before it’s born.”

Jake nodded, his face serious, “Anything else?”

For a brief second you didn’t respond, too caught up in your thoughts until you realized he had asked you a question. Jake tilted his head, brows furrowed at you.

You shook your head eventually, “No, everything’s all normal.”

He stared at the belly for a moment longer before he left. You were somewhat surprised at his quick retreat but didn’t think much about it. He was some type of great warrior, he was probably busy with something else in his clan. If it meant that the two of you didn’t have to interact much with him anymore or probably a lot shorter than before, then you were okay with it.

It seemed he finally took the hint.

All you could do was keep moving.

Jake came again the next day.

This time around you brought out the ultrasound.

He watched you and the machine intensely. You noticed and gave a sound close to a huff or a snort, “Nothing’s wrong with it. I’m just doing a thorough check-up today.”

A quick look of relief crossed his otherwise exhausted features, “Right, right, of course.”

Once you got the ultrasound running and connected to the avatar, you immediately found the heartbeat with the blurry image of the fetus appearing on the screen. It had grown considerably since the first time you saw it.

“There she is.” You mumbled mostly to yourself. The heartbeat was calming in a way, easing your usual tense muscles.

Jake perked up instantly, staring at you in disbelief, “She? It’s a girl?”

You glanced up at him briefly to find a soft expression on his face upon looking at the fetus. Neteyam—who you just noticed attached to his chest—sleepily snuggled closer to his father’s chest. When his head moved out of the sling, Jake held the back of his head, giving it support.

“Yes.” You gave a short nod.

Another look of relief flashed across his face, this time he didn’t try to hide it like before. A small smile tugged at his lips, “That’s—That’s nice. Amazing.”

In the corner of your eye, you watched him. That easy fatherly expression fell upon his face. How soft his smile was, for something that wasn’t even his. You weren’t sure what to think of it—no, you expected it. It was foreign. A father loving his child. To you at least.

You didn’t know your father. Nor did you have a father figure in your life. That type of love was unfamiliar to you.

Love itself was a foreign concept that you could not yet grasp. The only time you could truly say you experienced something close—similar to love—was with your mother.

And if love was like this—heavy. Leaving you…like this.

You weren’t sure you would want to experience any type of love ever again.

“You sure you’re ready to take on another?” You raised your brows, not looking up from the belly.

Jake looked at you, “Do you care for my answer?”

“I am watching over her. I suppose I should make sure she is left with somewhat tolerable parents—that is, if there aren’t any problems with her when she’s born.” You hummed, rolling your eyes at the sudden look of worry on his face. “Relax, that’s the standard check-up of any baby—well, I don’t know how different it will be compared to human ones.”

A beat went by before he finally answered, “I wouldn’t be honest if I said I wasn’t nervous. What new parent isn’t?”

“Mmm.”

The rest of the session was just the two of you, sitting in a somewhat comfortable silence. Comfortable for you because you were able to ignore him without any problems. And Jake wasn’t being too talkative or apologetic, which was a plus. But he was noticeably less hostile toward you as the time went by. Showing that he was taking the truce quite seriously and keeping his end of the bargain.

In other words, the truce was possibly the best option for you both. You could work in peace without being hammered or interrogated. And Jake would continue his visits without any problems.

You still didn’t like him. And you were sure the feelings were mutual.

But things were becoming easier.

And sometimes you like easy. Just as much as a challenge.

There was a part of him that was curious. Jake didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand Neytiri’s easy trust in you but it only made him more curious as he kept coming to see the baby.

Of course, you were guarded and curt around him. And he was quite the same but that didn’t mean he wasn’t at least a little bit interested in why you were so important to their deity.

So many questions.

A part of him wanted to ask Eywa himself—he wasn’t much used to praying to her but he would now and then out of respect for the People. If he asked, he would possibly gain an answer—which was incredibly rare—or he would gain more questions, which was the more common response.

So, Jake took to finding things out for himself. Even if it meant doing it the hard way. Even if it meant getting his head out of his ass and finally putting things into perspective.

Jake Sully was willing to at least keep this tolerable relationship with you going. Keeping this stable cord steady. You weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. It was time he had to get used to it. It was time for him to get over himself.

And he was willing to show that he did want something different. That he was ready to change, to finally understand you in a way.

But you still didn’t like him. Which was fine.

He didn’t like himself all that much either.

Another week went by and Neytiri still hadn’t come back. Surprisingly, you found yourself missing her. And when you began missing others, you got angry.

Since you didn’t feel like going through that process again, you resolved yourself to thinking that she must’ve gotten busy with her clan. Or grown tired of watching over you and your depressing personality once she realized that you weren’t a threat to her clan.

That must’ve been it. That’s what you chose to believe at that moment.

One day at a time.

You moved forward. Because you had to.

Throughout the week you focused on your work tending to the garden, checking on the baby, and even taking on more responsibilities around Hell’s Gate.

Sometimes you’d help Dr. Patel in the bio labs, other times you went with the other avatars to train your body. There were also days you would help Norm pack different human items he’d usually bring for the Na’vi children of the Omatikaya Clan. You, of course, never ventured too close to their territory whenever you went with him to drop off the items. You’d either stay in the ship you flew in or stay at the base as he left on his own.

Jake still kept coming around but his time there became shorter and shorter with each visit. Again, you didn’t bat an eye. You welcomed it and continued with your work.

Toward the end of your busy and long week, you woke up with a start when a blaring sound struck your room. It had to have been the middle of the night as you looked around frantically, only to realize the sound was coming from your tablet.

Quickly, you grabbed it to find the alarm was the system alerting you something was wrong.

And the problem was coming from the tank room.

You stumbled out of your bedroom and dashed through the long halls until you finally ended up in the tank room. Not caring that you were probably making a bunch of noise in the process.

When you got to Augustine’s tank, your heart sank when you found Grace’s avatar was violently twitching with the lights inside of the tank blaring a red.

“Fuck!” You hissed as you immediately checked for the problem.

The first thing you checked was the avatar itself. Her heart and the baby’s were fine but the avatar’s was slightly elevated, probably in response to whatever was happening to the machine which was the next thing you began to check.

There you discovered that something in it was malfunctioning. Throwing the liquid temperature off, the placentiums weren’t giving any more nutrients like they were supposed to. Whatever was going on, you didn’t have time to fix it or the machine.

If you wasted time like that more damage could be done and you weren’t going to risk that. Especially when the baby was in there. Especially when the baby could receive the worst of your mistake. Of this malfunction.

So, you worked fast.

You searched the room for an empty tank—which you were able to find and rolled it over next to the one Dr. Augustine’s avatar was in. You pulled the empty tank open just as Norm and a few other scientists entered.

“What happened?!” Norm questioned hastily.

Quickly, you jumped down from the empty tank and rushed toward Grace’s, “It’s malfunctioning. I don’t know why but we have to move her.”

Thankfully, Norm didn’t ask any more questions. He ordered the other scientists to help you.

You worked quickly. Draining the rest of the liquid from the tank, carefully moving the avatar—this required multiple hands—until you placed it in the new tank.

“Track her heart rate.” You ordered one of them.

A second later, a woman responded, “Stable but its body temperature’s dropping fast.”

By the time she said that you closed the tank. “Norm, fill it up.”

You jumped down, grabbed the heart monitor from the female scientist, and watched the lines closely. The tank was nearly filled up as Norm came up beside you.

Along with the heart monitor, your heart pounded through your ears as the tank finally filled up. You gave the monitor to Norm and went to adjust the temperature back to the usual settings.

When the blue lights came on it felt as if the room breathed a huge sigh of relief. You took the monitor back as Norm hummed, “Lucky you were the one to get here first. And quick thinking too—do you know what went wrong with the other one?”

The rest of the scientists poured out of the room as you slowly shook your head. “I don’t know. I couldn’t waste time, Spellman. Not when it could’ve risked the baby.”

Norm nodded and patted your shoulder, “You’re right. Good work, Doc.” He moved to the other side of the tank with a thoughtful expression. “You want me to stay and help with anything else?”

The lines on the monitor were stable, which brought you some sense of comfort. And yet the slight panic remained. “No, no. I’m good here. You can go back to bed. I’ll finish up here soon.”

“Okay.” Norm eventually moved toward the exit. “Get some sleep, Reeds. I’m serious.”

You nodded without looking at him. “Yeah, sure. Goodnight.”

“Good morning.” Norm corrected with a tired grin.

With that, Norm left. You breathed in a steady breath before grabbing a chair from the corner of the lab and sinking onto it. The monitor was kept nearby, the heart rate melodic in your ears as you set your tablet down on your lap.

For a while, you studied how far along the avatar was. It had been a good couple of months since you first discovered the child—which left her at about twenty-four to twenty-seven weeks at least. That’s not even counting when she first got pregnant. But compared to a human, the Na’vi pregnancy went by a lot faster, which also confirmed your theory.

Or maybe your perception of time was fucked up with how distracted and busy you had been.

Was that why the malfunction happened? Were you too distracted to notice any faults in the system during your usual sessions? What did happen?

You contemplated this for a while. Until your mind became hazy and your eyes droopy. At some point, you fell asleep next to the tank because there was no way you would leave the fetus’ side at that point. Not after all of that.

It felt as if your eyes had been closed for only a couple of seconds before you were suddenly jolted awake to find Norm standing over you.

“What happened? Is it the tank again?” You instantly asked, turning to check on the tank.

“No, no, no—the—she’s fine!” Norm quickly assured while easing you back into your chair. “I thought I told you to get some sleep.”

You stared at him for a beat, both a tired and an annoyed expression easily falling upon your face. “Well, I assure you I certainly wasn’t sitting with my eyes closed just then.”

Norm winced, “Sorry. I thought you’d want to get in your own bed before Jake gets here.” He rubbed the back of his neck as you got up from the chair. “I had to tell him what happened—he’s flying over now.”

“That’s fine.” You grumbled. “I can stand just one day in the same room with him. Besides, I should probably figure out what went wrong with that tank.”

Norm nodded, “Okay—uh, should I be a mediator for the both of you or..?”

“Oh, please.” You rolled your eyes. “It’s not like I’m meeting their clan leader.”

“You really need to try and get along with him.” Norm chuckled with a shake of his head.

You scowled, “Are you going to keep yapping in my ear about it or be useful?”

“Alright, alright, don’t an ass.” He strolled toward the doorway. “Jake’ll be here in fifteen.”

Once he left, you got to work again. You weren’t an official engineer but you knew a good amount of information from your training back on Earth. You hoisted yourself up and into the tank before you began taking it apart. You stood in it, trying to find out what exactly had gone wrong—while glancing at the heart monitor now and then.

Your brain was moving quickly yet hazily from the sleep. Eyes honed in on the mess of wires in front of you. So distracted by your silent questions and theories that you didn’t hear the incoming footsteps. Only the voice that followed after.

“What happened? Is she okay?”

“Yes, she’s fine.” You replied immediately, watching in the corner of your eye as he approached the new tank. His hair was tied back and across his chest was a leather strap that carried what looked like a machete. “It was just a malfunction with the tank. We were able to get her out before any real damage could be done.”

Jake frowned, “Malfunction? How the hell did you let that happen?!”

“Look, I don’t know.” You replied calmly, ignoring the twitch in your jaw. “I’m still trying to figure all that out. But she’s out of it and fine. Norm helped if that makes you feel better—”

“I thought you had things handled? What happened to that?” Jake scowled, his tone vicious.

“I do.”

“Then what the hell happened—”

“I already said I don’t know!” You seethed, glaring down at the group of wires now hanging from your hands. Somewhere in the back of your brain, you realized that Norm really did have to stand between the two of you. That this truce wasn’t stable enough. That the two of them were just too explosive. “The hell do you think I’m trying to do? Kill the baby?!”

You missed the way Jake’s face faltered slightly, catching himself. “No…No, that’s not what I—”

“Then get off my fucking dick!” You snapped, throwing a piece of the tank to the floor with a clatter.

All sound was gone from the room then.

This was the last thing you wanted to deal with. Being scolded like some child—like you already weren’t beating yourself up over this mess.

You sunk onto the floor of the tank and continued working. Because that’s what you were best at. Not conversations. Not people. Not love.

Work. It was everything to you.

Already you were mentally drowning Jake out, ignoring the fact that there was another person in the room with you. But eventually, you realized that there was nothing wrong with the wires. It must’ve been something else. Another theory down the drain.

Jake uttered your name at one point. And you ignored him.

There was a sigh followed by a short pause before he spoke, “I’m sorry.” You continued ignoring him. There was something about his apologies. You were just tired of them. “That wasn’t fair, you’re right. I shouldn’t have come at you like that—”

“Augustine’s avatar is over there.” You mumbled. “You can check on her yourself.”

There was another silence but you were too focused on what was in front of you to notice or care. You were so determined to ignore him and the sting in the corners of your eyes.

You didn’t like to cry. Especially in front of others.

Thankfully, you ignored him long enough until you realized you were finally alone.

After a while, you breathed out a tired sigh.

Fortunately, as the days went by there were no other problems with the new tank or baby, but it didn’t stop you from always double-checking everything after that close call. So much so that you didn’t realize how much sleep you were missing until Norm pulled you away from your work and forced you back into your room. Locked the door and everything just to make his point.

With the promise of Norm taking care of your work, you eventually allowed yourself to sleep for practically the entire day. Not without the tablet on the dresser next to your bed of course.

Even after catching up on some semblance of sleep, Norm still didn’t let you get back to your schedule right away. Which irritated you of course.

“I don’t want you in my garden, Spellman.”

He rolled his eyes, “And I don’t want you stressing yourself out. As your friend and colleague who happens to care about your well-being, I demand you stay away from the garden until you’re completely rested.”

You frowned at him, “We’re friends?”

“Shut up and accept my love.”

And he kept true to his word. Norm kept you away from the gardens, even the tank room. And made sure that the scientists knew how to keep you away as well. He covered all of his bases.

Damn him.

You couldn’t sit around and do nothing though. So, at some point you were so desperate you resorted to practically begging Norm to just give you something to do that would distract you throughout the whole day. You nagged and nagged and nagged until Norm finally gave in.

“There’s an old link shack north of Hell’s Gate. We’ve been thinking about restoring all of them around the area. But that particular shack’s connection is a little wonky. Maybe you could head over and restock the supplies with your avatar. Maybe even fix the connection while you’re at it.”

You nodded quickly, “Yeah, sure thing. I’ll get on that—”

“And don’t try to sneak your way to the gardens!” Norm added sternly, sending you a look over his shoulder while clicking away at his computer. “Plus, you won’t need the Samson ships. The shack’s not too far from here.”

With that, you went to grab supplies, such as med kits, weapons—one gun and a few stacks of ammo—blankets, Na’vi weapons, a hunting knife, and a bow with a few arrows. You kept the hunting knife to yourself just in case.

After getting all of this, you placed the bag of supplies in the compound longhouse where your avatar always slept when you weren’t linked. Once you got to your link bed and linked up with your avatar, you grabbed the hunting knife and the bag of supplies before taking off north from Hell’s Gate.

The sky was grey today with a few darker clouds on the horizon instead of the shimmering blue you were used to. A storm might’ve been coming.

Which meant you had to make this trip quick. There was no telling how bad these storms could get on this planet.

Similar to how you traveled through the forest with Neytiri, you took to the trees so that you’d have less of a chance of running into or disturbing any of Pandora’s finest. Hopefully, you had learned to be quiet enough to not draw any attention your way as well.

As time went by, the sky got darker. You followed the coordinates Norm gave you while slipping through the trees like the true shadow you were. Traveling and climbing through the trees got easier as you went. You had done it enough times with Neytiri that you knew what to do and how to do it. Albeit not perfectly, but enough to get by. Blending into the environment as best as you could.

You enjoyed it, the vibrant life and colors of the forest once again. Every time felt like you were taking in Pandora for the very first time. Every time felt like a huge breath of the freshest air. Here, you were weightless. You weren’t a scientist. You weren’t human. You weren’t an avatar. You were just were.

You existed here. You were real.

Truly this place was everything you dreamed of when you were younger.

Rain began to pour by the time you spotted the shack. It was propped up and well hidden in a large tree, with moss growing out of the sides, the entire thing looking like it hadn’t been used in a long time.

You slid down from a branch as quietly as you could and landed in front of the metal entrance. By the time you got the door open and crouched inside, you were soaking wet from the rain.

The shack itself wasn’t too small, which surprised you. It must’ve been made to allow avatars to be able to roam freely through here without too much trouble.

Once the door was closed, you sunk onto the empty cot in the corner of the shack and began unpacking the supplies. The med kit went into the cabinets above a wooden table attached to the wall. The blankets went on the cot. The gun and ammo went under the cot in a long black case filled with old and rusted weapons you had to throw out into the rain. You kept the hunting knife tucked in your shorts.

The rain kept going. It was relaxing. Stopping for a moment to listen. Smelling it through the cracked window next to the cot you sat on.

It was nice. You could stay here if you wanted. This could’ve been your new home if you didn’t have responsibilities at Hell’s Gate.

Lastly, you worked on the radio that sat on the wooden table—which you assumed was connected to the main base. So, for the next few minutes, you took your time messing with the radio. Listening to either ongoing static or barely audible voices going in and out. At some point, you messed with the wires a few times before Norm’s voice finally came through.

“Tomato. Tomato. Tomato.”

You pressed one of the buttons, “Hey, Norm.”

“Oh, Jesus! Reeds!” Norm startled. “Warn a guy next time!”

You pressed your lips into a thin line, “I just wanted to test if it worked. Clearly, I fixed it.”

A snap of thunder drew you away from the radio. Seemed like it was getting worse out there. You hadn’t realized how long you’d been out there until now.

Norm seemed to realize this too, “You gonna stay there and unlink?”

“Mmm.” You paused. “I’m gonna try bringing the avatar back.”

He sighed, “Alright, good luck.”

“Don’t need it.” You said as you got up. “I’m too awesome.”

“Whatever, Reeds.”

Another clap of thunder filled the air as you stepped out of the shack. Immediately you were soaked by how heavy the rain was.

Thunder continued to boom, making your skin jump every now and then. It was just terribly cold, making you start to run so that you could get out of it faster.

You ran and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, only to realize just how much noise you were making and that the area was too unfamiliar to you. It wasn’t long until you realized how lost you were. It was just too dark to navigate your way back or recognize any familiar spots guiding your way.

With that in mind, you went toward the nearest tree and began to climb.

But your body was yanked away from the tree bark almost instantly as you were tackled down to the ground by a large weight. Your left shoulder exploded with vicious pain as if a bunch of sharp knives buried itself into your skin and continued to tear through it.

A strangled scream left your lips as the thunder clapped in the sky once more. You could barely see the creature but it was a dark, large beast. Digging further into your shoulder.

You hadn’t even seen it coming. You hadn’t been paying attention.

Now…

Now you might die because of it.

You tried shoving at it, managing to get most of its weight off of you. But the teeth were still in your shoulder. There was still pain. There was still warm liquid dripping down your arm.

When you moved your leg, you remembered the hunting knife in your shorts. Immediately, you dug into your pocket and found the handle instantly.

After that, you didn’t waste any time stabbing at it blindly and desperately. You did this, you kept going until more warm liquid covered your knife-wielding arm. You did this until the animal was limp against your body. Until you were able to push it off and scramble to your feet and run.

The pain was awful but bearable enough for you to run back to the shack at least. Mud was all over your clothes—some of it in your mouth. If anything, you probably looked insane right now.

You ran. Ran. Ran. Ran. Ran. Way too clumsy to be quiet. What’s worse was you had no clue where you were. And there was more shuffling coming from the bushes and trees surrounding you. If anything, you were probably throwing yourself further into the lion’s den.

It wasn’t long until a black creature suddenly came out of the bushes in front of you, causing you to stumble to a stop as it made its way toward you. Sleek and dangerous. Eyes locked on you.

Thunder boomed again. An identical creature came out from your right. Another on your left. Another. And another. And another.

Until you were surrounded. Until you knew there was no way you were going to make it out of this.

You kept your knife in front of you, trying to ignore the pain in your shoulder, the warm liquid running down your arm, the shakiness in your legs. You began to wonder how much blood you were losing with your energy slowly dwindling as time went by—no, it didn’t matter.

Damn it, you weren’t going to die here! Not like this.

“Come on!” You hissed as you pointed the knife at them. “Come on!”

They growled at you, closing in. Finally, one of them pounced toward you. With the knife, you slashed at it. At that, the creature cringed away and missed you entirely but that didn’t mean the others were going to try their luck.

Out of instinct, you stumbled back as two more tried coming for you. Your back hit a tree as you yelled and swung your knife wildly at them.

Only neither the creature nor your blow landed.

The two creatures were thrown to the side as another clap of thunder struck your ears.

Another figure emerged from the trees and rushed toward you.

Instantly, you swung the knife, only for it to be caught in an iron grip.

You screamed.

“Hey, hey, easy!”

It took you only a couple of moments for you to register the words and that they were coming from a familiar avatar. The last person you ever expected to be here.

Jake lowered your arm with a hiss. You blinked as another round of thunder rattled your ears.

The creatures were closing in again. Jake turned his back to you, hissing at them. His larger arm stretched in front of you protectively when one of them got a little too close for his liking. The creature hissed back

You watched warily behind him, still clutching the dirtied knife. Both of you exhausted and animalistic. Yellow eyes glimmering. One with warning and the other with desperation.

Jake looked terrifying in this light. Just as murderous and dangerous as the animals that surrounded you.

You remained behind him, trembling but glaring. Gripping that knife like your life depended on it.

There was suddenly more shuffling, more thunder, and the creatures then scattered.

You, dumbfounded by this, spoke shakily, “Why did they—”

Jake grabbed your wrist holding the knife.

“We need to move.” He said, dragging you forward.

The two of you ran in the opposite direction of the creatures. He hauled you up a tree before climbing up himself. “Is there a link shack nearby?”

For a moment, you wondered how he knew about the link shacks. You leaned on a branch both to catch your breath and because the quick movements left you a bit dizzy. When you couldn’t come up with plausible answers to your silent question you instead said, “I just came back from one. North from here—I don’t know how far it is.”

Your body leaned a little too far. Jake was quick to grab you in his stronger, more stable arms as he pulled you away from falling off the edge, “Hey, hey, Reeds, I need you here with me, okay? Just stay awake long enough until we get to the shack and we’ll clean you up.”

“I’ve...I’m losing a lot of…” Blood. Blood was what you wanted to say. But the adrenalin was wearing out. Your shoulder throbbed horribly. Exhaustion weighed you down and placed inconvenient black spots in your vision.

“I know.” He draped your good arm over his shoulder and kept you upright. “I know, we’ll get there. I promise.”

There was no arguing with him. You were soaked to the bone and in a hell of a lot of pain. Going back to the shack was your best bet in this horrid weather.

Jake continued to support your weight as the two of you followed the same coordinates leading back to the shack—or rather you haze inaudible directions of what you could remember from the information Norm had given you while Jake haphazardly followed.

Thankfully, the rest of the way wasn’t a long journey. Or maybe you just kept blacking in and out along the way, you didn’t know.

Jake and you stumbled through the door of the shack. He closed the door while you made your way to the radio with whatever strength you had left.

“Norm.” You tapped the radio while wincing. The pain in your shoulder was getting worse. Before now you had been tolerating it. “Norm, can you hear me?”

The static went on.

“Storm must be messing with the signal,” Jake said from behind you as he rummaged through the shack. “We should stay here until the storm settles—”

You rested your head against the small table, the rest of his words becoming nothing but muffled noise to your ears. God, you’ve lost so much blood. And you were so tired.

For a moment, just for a few seconds, you wanted to sleep. Only for a moment.

“Reeds.”

A larger hand rested on the back of your neck, bringing you slightly out of your unconsciousness.

Jake kept calling your name. “Hey, where’s the med kits at? We need to work on your arm, okay? And I need you to stay awake. Can’t have you unlinking in this condition.”

Sluggishly, you nodded, “They’re in the cabinets.”

More thunder rolled by. Jake left your side briefly to search through the cabinets above you. You leaned back in your seat, staring bleakly up at the ceiling.

“How long do these storms last?” You asked.

The thunder responded with a clap.

sorry for the long wait! hopefully it was all worth the wait. another 8k chapter, yay, that wasn't difficult to write at all lol! but now jake and reeds are alone in a shack. anything could happen....

(i'm not adding anymore people anymore!)

taglist: @doggyteam2028 @bigbootahjudy @innercreationflower @n7cje @celi-xxmoon @readerofallthingss @sillyblues @squirtlebob @saturnhas82moons @1mawh0re @aprosiacperson @loserwithnofriends @garfieldsladybird @slutforsmut4ever @lik0

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello my wonderful fandom! :) We've finally reached the ep we've all been waiting for. The gif below is pretty good description of how I felt when I turned Hulu on this morning LOL

OH my word. I knew this episode was going to be good but I had no idea how end to end good it would be. I mean obviously we were all racing toward that hotel scene. But holy hell. The journey to it was just as good tbh. To quote Sandy Cohen "The appetizer is as good as the main course.” That truly was the case here.

I saw 'S' in the rating and knew we were in for some GOODNESS. I wish the gif library would work for the amazing gifs right after an ep. I'm sure tons have been made. But that'll have to wait till my in-depth ones this summer.

Been trying to keep these brief since their first impressions. But I couldn't with this one. They made it impossible lol Also apologies for any errors that may be in this. I wrote this while having a fever and on cold meds lol. Let us get started on this fabulous ep before my head implodes any further.

7x06 The Gala

We start out at Tim's place. Please let us continue to return here. It's such a happy place for me. Also Genny is backkkkkk I'm so excited. We have missed you my friend. I hope you appear again this season. Makes me so sad Tim saying he’s single. He’s never ever said that in a sad tone before Lucy or post anyone else really. Only her. *sad sigh* This ep hurts so good.

Genny has come with a mission in mind though. Only thing is she needs Tim for it. LOL I am glad she didn't imply he needed to start dating as well. She sure as hell knows where his heart lies. Their sibling dynamic never ceases to amuse me. Wanting to use him to get into the Gala haha Shoot your shot Genny. Get it girl.

Tim of course tries to talk her out of it. Clearly he had zero plans to be there. But his sister is changing that for him. Begrudgingly accepting her plus one offer. Citing he wants to bed asleep by 11pm if he does lmao I love this man. If he only knew where his night would end. Definitely wouldn't be that plan...Such a good big bro doing this for her. I need more of them in my life. I really do.

Seth is MIA and I'm pretty ok with it. Need a break from the kid. The day starts out so great. Grey has them running the arrest your ex event. I'm dying. When I saw this I thought phew lord this is gonna be gooooood. I felt it in my bones.

When Lucy says happy to do it…Tim’s face kills me. I’m dying. If only she could see his dismay. I know she could sense it. She isn't jazzed but isn't going to cause a scene in roll call. So she runs with it. Despite Tim's annoyance.

Tim giving her grief the very moment roll call is over. Lucy is ready with her reply. Had that on deck really quickly there Luce lol Almost as if she had it saved on her phone already....#grumpycop says what? LOL Let the flirting goodness begin. Being married af no matter what. I love them so much. *happy sigh*

Oh my goodness I’m cackling right off the bat. Grumpy x Sunshine in all its glory in this first scene. ‘Really can’t think of another reason?' I'm dying. Tim is so very over this and it's just begun for them. This is classic banter vibes for them and I’m here for it. Lucy trying to be the kind empathetic one. Tim having ZERO patience or tolerance for this nonsense. Letting her know right away he's not a killer. Just a cheater....Lucy's face. Classic.

Lucy calling Tim ‘sir’ and then showing him grumpy cop I cannot you guys. This is so good. I'm grinning ear to ear. Even post relationship she has this man wrapped around her finger. He is at her mercy and will do whatever for her. We see him give in. Turn on his best fake smile and dole out some advice. I'm so giddy I could cry.

‘Was that so hard?’ ‘Pure agony.’ Their banter at it's finest. This is primo level stuff. I wanna inject it into my veins so I always feel this giddy. The level of happy I am right now, I can’t even tell you. Hard to put into words honestly.

I’m loving Lucy keeping him in line and smiling while doing so. All she has to do is tap her phone. Could you be more in love with his grumpy ass my friend? She is very much enjoying this. We all know she loves her grumpy old man. I can’t get over Tim just listening cause she asks him to. Only for his girl. He is beyond fed up with this situation. Especially this man with his puke in a jar. LMAO.

Only Lucy Chen could make this man be friendly to this idiot. He then gets some points back and says they’re super cute together. Why yes sir they are. Thank you for noticing. Anyone with eyes can see their chemistry. But props for pointing it out. Then asks if they’re dating? We’re trying get back there my man. Climbing our hardest. Slow and steady wins the race and all that.

Lucy saying they're just 'co-workers'. Mmhmm and John Nolan is my favorite character. This dude has the audacity to ask her out after that. ‘You’re holding a jar of your own vomit. I’ll pass.’ If you aren't laughing at this I can't help you. This is pure comedy gold.

They finally get a real one. Just as they're about to close shop. This woman comes up very ready to take down her boyfriend. Then she hits on a VERY specific note. ‘You don’t put your drama on someone you love.’ Lucy’s face...That definitely struck a chord. Giving her flashbacks to 6x06. Tim too I am sure of it. Their looks say it all if you ask me...

Of course Tim wants to make it a bet. It's part of their love language to do so. I love this episode so much I’m vibrating. Lucy says his guess is boring LOL I mean it is. I love you Timothy but hers about legos is way better. Tim has to give her hard time about that being her final answer.

She ends up agreeing with him that it’s jewelry ha She just had to throw a Lucy like answer in there before she gave into his logic. Agreeing with him but wanting to add some flare before she did so. heh God I love these dorks.

Oh my. Tim asking her if she’s going tonight? I love the look he gives right before he asks. Just keeps taking his shots with her. My man. She got a room for Galentines but Celina has her dude now…..Frees up the room…. ‘So who knows what’s gonna happen?’ I’m percolating with excitement at this point. I didn't even need coffee as I wrote this to wake me up this morning. This was doing the trick just fine.

Lucy is surprised he is going. Then her anxiety asks the question she's scared to know the answer to. Does he have a date? His answer trails off before he can finish. Oh Timothy don’t do that to her. Leave her hanging. I mean he was gonna tell her it was Genny before he was interrupted. It wasn't intentional but ugh nonetheless.

Let’s take a moment to dissect her expression. Look how distressed and crushed she looks. My heart. So in love with this man still. This hurts so good. Before he can address her absolute panic their van pulls up….Oh Lucy. So distracted she doesn’t even hear him mention that.

Instead of jewelry it ends up being a friggin Tiger.... Her excitement is infectious and makes me smile. I would be the same way. I am Lucy she is me. Exotic animal that could rip my face off but I am still jazzed. Wanting to see it. Tim's face after she gets all excited is too funny. You love this goober of a woman don't deny it.

This scene is VERY VERY telling IMO. Also I am hoping a set up for things to come later this season for them. In terms of having THE talk. Tim your therapy hasn’t fully hit yet and it shows in how he reacts to this man's decision. At first he tries to empathize with him. Then turns his cop brain on. Saying he might as well throw her under the bus too. Get off a little easier. Telling him to just do it since she betrayed him anyways. That she's given up on him. No way he could still love her despite the betrayal...Careful Tim your trauma is showing my sweet.

Tim has grown in a lot of ways since 6x06. Truly he has. This is a sticking point he hasn't gotten through his lovely skull yet. That someone can love you despite the ugly stuff. Despite you not being perfect. Love you just the same and be deserving of that love even though you messed up. It's striking a emotional chord with Tim and he doesn't even realize it. Lucy can't stand it and that's why she tells this man not to do it. It's hitting far too close to home for her.

Lucy showing in this moment why we all love her. Why Tim is such a goner for her. That sunshine empathetic human shining through in this scene. Her forgiving spirit showing up in the most beautiful ways. It's the reason Tim fell so damn hard for her in first place. Why he fell in love all over again the second half of s6. The kindness and empathy shown towards him from her. When he thought he had betrayed her so deeply she would've thrown him to wolves.

What he hasn't figured out yet is she would NEVER ever do that. Regardless of the deep hurt, she stood by him when the chips were down. He still is a WIP in terms of that. it shows in his initial reaction to this situation. Lucy instructs this man despite the hurt not to do it. Tim's look reminding me of the one from 5x19 when she pleaded with her eyes to let the father go.

He ends up caving even if he adds some sass in. The way Tim looks at Lucy when he says 'Lock me up.' Looking at her smiling face. Oh Tim connect the dots my love please. If not now then in the near future. This scene gave me all the feels. We still have some work to do in terms of their relationship. Tim in particular.

Lucy’s relief at seeing Genny is written all over her face. You can see she is ecstatic she's Tim's 'Date.' Also just happy to see her in general. I have no doubt they hung out when they dated. Ganged up on Tim from time to time as well.

Genny forcing Tim to engage. Asking doesn't she look amazing? Tim melting like butter. ‘She always does.’ This man gushing about her in front of other people. This is the change I'm talking about right here. Gah I’m vibrating you guys legit vibrating. The sweet stares I'm diabetic at this point. Lucy can't hold his gaze long especially with company around.

Genny tries to lighten the mood with saying she is ready to flirt it up. Asking if Lucy wants to join her? Lucy’s shot about not dating people at work…Tim's cue to go to the bar. lmao I’m dying this is fanfic level goodness here everyone. I’m delirious. Genny's face is everything after he leaves. Even Celina's date realizes it after they depart. Asking something going on between them? Yes sir. it's been brewing all damn day.

Lucy coming to Tim worried about Balian is sweet. But Tim gives it all of two seconds of thought before he's pining after her. I mean look at those heart eyes. That smile. One I'm sure he flashed her anytime they were alone at home. The man is an absolute marshmallow for her. Lucy calls Tim out for his extreme heart eyes and Lucy smile. Holy cow is this real life?

She knows that smile so very well. You can’t look at her like that, Timothy. Especially looking like a damn snack leaning against that bar. It’s not fair. She has every right to tell you to stop devouring her with your eyes babe. There is a little bit of Tim Bradford Bedroom eyes in that stare too. Mercy. I would be a damn puddle if I was her. Why she has to call him out for it. Basically saying he can't stare at her like that anymore.

It's not fair to her heart to look at her like he loves her. *heart clutch* He then turns around and flirts some more with the grumpy cop thing. Making her laugh with him being the biggest goober ever. I love this side she brought to life. Their smiles as Genny approaches make me squee. I'm nuclear with excitement at this point. He really has softened for her it’s unreal. Making her laugh makes my heart so happy. I can't even. Had to pinch myself to make sure it was real.

Poor Genny can’t get a date cause of Tim. Lmfao I mean we can’t be that surprised? Still that’s hilarious and I’m laughing so hard. She just wanted to get a date and they're all too frightened of Tim to do so. He seems pretty proud of that fact. Cocky Tim coming out to play a bit. This ep has everything. The cute shared look afterwards is very cute.

If we didn't know they were apart you'd think they were together. Lucy turning down the invite out after Tim’s little joke. Stating it's because of an early shift. That doesn't seem to stop you later....Not that I'm complaining. Lucy is about to lose out on her room with Celina hitting it off with Scott...But Nolan’s suite becomes available…..I’m fine letting them rise out of the ashes of Balian's fight right now I really am. Sorry Balian shippers. lol

Just when I think this ep couldn't get any better. We get a sexy Tim takedown. *fans self* Not gonna lie I crossed my legs a bit when I saw this go down. *grabs some ice water.* This episode was gonna kill me before we even got. to that hotel room. Ovary explosion x1000. It's hard to keep Feral Caitlin in her cage with scene like this. Hot damn this is attractive. Lucy touching him instantly after he is done. I'm here for it.

Only reason for this gif is what's going on in the background. Look at Lucy jumping into wife mode taking care of Tim immediately. The attentiveness right out the gate has me reeling. Taking his jacket off for him. Checking him out. I’m lightheaded with happiness. I hope you are as well. I was on cloud 9 at this point and we hadn't even gotten to the hotel room yet.

We get to watch Lucy go into worried wifey mode and never leave it. The sweet way she touches his neck. I'm dead. I am posting from he grave. Lucy lets him know he has a cut there. Luckily Tim has a room they can go to.... Thank you Nolan. He tries to handle it himself but she isn't having it. So she comes up with him… I was getting all tingly with anticipation at this point.

Lucy has Tim take his shirt off make sure there’s no more glass or cuts. Mmmm won’t hear me complaining…. Was kinda relived the kit was there waiting for them. No chance for interruption if it wasn't. I honestly thought it would be the thing to stop them.

Mmmm shirtless Tim. Welcome back to my screen. Yum. God he’s gorgeous. Her resolve was crumbling when he had clothes on. Now he has no shirt….. God speed Lucy Chen lol

Heh calling Tim tough guy oh my word. The banter never stops and I don't want it to. The little joke of unfortunately he will live. Followed by his smile *screams into a pillow* I'm in heaven. The flirt train is continuing to barrel through this episode at mach speed.

My god it’s the soft thanks and you’re welcome in tandem. I’m a puddle. Suddenly he is all in her space and her words die out. She tries to replace them with a shaky ' We shouldn't....' The longing looks I cannot. Before it was bedroom eyes at the bar, with some heart eyes mixed in. This time it’s legit all heart eyes with intense longing he’s aiming at her.

He misses her deeply, and it's evident in the sadness that fills his expression when she says they shouldn't. Gah. Take a look at him after he says 'I know.' The depth of longing he conveys through just his eyes is truly unreal. Any resolve she has left looking up at him with those puppy dog eyes crumbles below.

The way he just tosses his shirt and devours her completely has me reeling. Nothing matters more in this moment than her. He gently envelops her in his arms. The soft way he cradles her face in his hands, like she is his greatest treasure. Because she is. The way he chases after her lips. I’m a damn goner. Feel like I'm in a fever dream.

Captures her top lip like he's done so many times before. Giving me 5x12 vibes with this make out. Lucy's hands all over him in the process. Touching her way down his body. Phew lord. Also like to note I think it's very important Lucy be the one to go for it in this scenario. He would’ve stepped back because she said they shouldn’t. Respected her bounds. But she can’t fight it any longer and goes for it.

And holy cow does she ever go for it. The impatient needy noises coming from her I’m dying. The desperations is real. The moment her lips meet his and her fingers graze his skin, she’s completely defeated in her struggle to resist him. Resist this pull of their's. Wastes no damn time undoing his belt buckle sweet lord. You can hear it. She is ready to go. As is Tim. She has lit a flame and he isn’t wasting a second of it. The needy desperation has me fanning myself.

I love the way he spins her around, savoring her with tender affection. All the while he relieves Lucy of the tie on her dress.*fans self* He is just burying himself in his hair and neck. Losing himself completely in her. I might implode with how tender and sexy this is. The music is on point as always. Tim is chasing after her when she turns around and brings him back to the bed. His desperation coming through ten fold.

Doesn't waste a millisecond before he's diving back in for more when she turns around. Lucy’s face. Holy hell. You can see how much she missed this. Missed him. They’re in it now and she can’t stop herself. There’s still some conflict playing across her features. Knowing they shouldn’t and yet she can’t stop herself from wanting this man. She is conflicted then his lips rejoin her neck and she melts into him. All logic flies out the window after that.

There is a song from one of my fav bands Digital Daggers. From their song ‘In flames.' This moment reflects it IMO.

'Keep your confessions 'Cause babe I'm no saint , We're playing with fire But I like this game And I know your devils I know them by name When you look my way Oh, I'm not afraid With your kiss on my skin And this mess that we're in

In flames (we're going down, we're going down, we're going down) '

Definitely playing with fire in this moment and we're here for it.

We get the morning after. I was not expecting this in the least. But this episode continues to surprise me in the best way. Also hello chest hair on Tim. They need to leave that for future reference. I’m very much for it. Holy cow everything about him just makes me so damn feral it's insane. He is sex on two legs walking. Man he looks good.

The awkward looks upon waking up have me cackling. Tim's face when she starts to get up LMAO. Eric the king of expressions came to play. Tim breaking the awkward tension by saying he's awake. Lucy replying 'Right. Of course he is. He's like a rooster she remembers.... 'Ugh my heart.

I love Tim being the one to wanna talk this out. Again. He's gotta be the one to bridge the gap. Especially this go around. Not wanting this moment to pass by without suggesting it. Lucy of course even with her lapse in resolve isn’t sure why they would. She is still hurting and with good reason. Tim you gotta make this right babe. Oh my lord.

We see Lucy retreat at this offer of a talk. Passing it off as 'Classic case of ex sex on Valentines.' Oh it’s so much more than that my girl. I'm getting 5x01 flashbacks of ‘It's basic biology right?’ Lucy trying to have Tim give her the out of talking about this just like she did then. Pass it off as something that isn't a big deal when it is.

Tim shies away due to this. Agreeing with her ex sex theory although his body language does not in the least. Hoping he can at least hide his disappointment if he turns around. Feeding her a line about it being a singular moment in time. Mmhmm...Sure. Lucy agreeing with his BS line.

That fear running through her and needing a way out to avoid this conversation. So she runs with it. Trying to talk herself out of it more by saying it needs to be in their rear view. Never to be talked about again. Tim's defeated and slightly hurt 'Great...' Lucy can sense it. You two are idiots but I love you.

Gah, you can watch the internal battle on Tim's face. Reminds me of 5x01 once again and him psyching himself up to talk. We get our first ‘Lucy.’ of the season. Definitely was not where I expected it to be. Sadly after he builds up the courage he just says 'See you at the station'…*forehead smack* Oh you two. Killing me softly. She wanted him to go for it and he didn’t. Disappointment just littered all over her body language when he doesn't.

Lucy looking like she wants to go back in but the door closes. UGHHHH. Effectively making the decision for her. It is a good she wanted to go back but this is Tim's fight ya'll. And he knows it. He's so frustrated with himself for not fighting more for her in this moment. Lord this is good but killing me. Hurts so good never felt more prevalent than it does in this scene.

Tim ever the gentlemen having her enter first. His chivalry never ceases to make me happy. The energy in that elevator is charged to say the least. So Lucy straight up says she didn’t regret their night together. I love this. Letting him know she has zero regrets about jumping him last night. Heh Tim replying right back saying him either. These two idiots in love. What am I going to do with you?

Lucy adding in it it can’t happen again. Ok sure…..you both messy. And I’m not mad about it. Tim's sad 'I know.' Not agreeing it can't ever happen again. Just he knows it shouldn't...Lucy following that up with it can't for a million reasons. I mean they haven’t had THE talk yet so I get it. I truly do.

That's definitely one of the reasons for me. As fun as that lapse in judgement was, it still needs to be followed up with a real convo. Tim coming up with his own reason of the Chain of Command issue. *Grumble* he is back in her chain of command again even with being her being a T.O. Le sigh. Even though their tones suggest they could give a single fuck that he is this time around lol That definitely wouldn't keep them for repeating the night before is my guess.

The flirting my god though. Tim using grumpy cop again to make her smile and laugh. We all know she loves his grumpy ass. It's one of the things she truly loves about him. That smile after he says that tells me everything. That most definitely is on the list of BS reasons for why they shouldn't. Tim keeping the flirt train going by saying he wasn’t grumpy last night though. Heh no you were not.

Her face my god you two. ‘No, you definitely were not.’ No transparency at all saying how happy he was last night with her. She doesn’t stop him either knowing she wasn’t 'grumpy' either. They're not even trying at this point. Basically saying they had a great night in bed together. No regrets. One of their many things they're so good at hehe. Imma need a fic of that night LOL The flirty smiles and stares. Tim almost reels her back in with it. The ding of the elevator breaking them out of their UST filled revere.

Lucy trying to keep it together as she exits. Tim hot on her heels. Ooooh lord I’m excited to see where this goes. Tim you still have some work to do. That much is clear. I'm glad them hooking up didn't serve as a fix all. Because this SL deserves more than that. They deserves more than that. The promo for 7x07 ‘Don’t make the same mistake I made with Lucy. Fight for her.’ Um sir you need to fight for Lucy right now. She is waiting on you for it.

I hope this Balian crisis puts that into focus for Tim. Because if this ep proved anything it's that. He needs to fight for her more and prove to her why she should give them a second chance. The feelings are clearly still there. So much so she relapsed into her resistance to keep him at bay. Hot damn this was a good episode I am buzzing. I cannot wait to see what the rest of this season holds for them. Gimme Gimme.

Thank you thank you to anyone and everyone who loves, comments (love me some comments) and reblogs these. They are a true joy for me to make. So I am grateful for any and all engagement with them. I shall see you all in 7x07 :)

Side notes-Non Chenford

#grumpycop. Only cause it’s Vday and he has no Lucy. Also anniversary of the necklace…amazing though. Fantastic cold open.

Wes is too excited for that he’s tipping his hand. Glad Angela figured it out without Wes compromising his lawyer oath. Using that dude to get her stuff done LMAO.

Look at Celina just taking charge cause Nolan is distracted af at a scene. Proud of her. Scott dude seems tad needy don't love that.

Sad about Texas and his girl but realistic af. Appreciated that.

Bailey being pissed about the judgement. Can't say I blame her. I mean instead of understanding John jumped right to judgement but he is also right in being upset she didnt' share that with him. Shall see where that goes.