#honestly i really wanted to write in English but was too lazy to do that

[depressopax]

NSFW Alphabet

For Andrés de Fonollosa/Berlin

Fandom - La casa de papel/Money Heist

The complete NSFW alphabet for Berlin, based on my LCDP Alphabet.

Pairing: Berlin x gender neutral reader Genre: Smut/headcanons Warning(s): Sexual content. MDNI! Light BDSM, worship, praise and degradation, oral sex, mention of choking kink. Possessiveness & jealousy. Switch!Berlin. Reader is gender neutral! Words: 2.1K Summary: The NSFW alphabet, A-Z, for Andrés de Fonollosa English is not my main language, if I make any spelling mistakes please let me know so I can improve my writing! <3

|| AO3 link || Masterlist || Request ||

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Berlin may have two moods when having sex: - Slow and loving - Fast and hard

However, his aftercare is always the same.

As we know, Berlin is like a totally different person when he’s in love.

You realize so by how sweet he is with you during intimate times.

Whether he’s submissive or dominant in bed (he can do both 😽), he wants you to feel loved afterwards.

But he does enjoy being a tease too lmao

He’ll tell you how good you were, how much he enjoyed it and how amazing you look etc

…But Berlin also likes teasing you for your reactions, how “needy” you were, or simply brag about how amazing he is 

Being an asshole aside…

After being reassured you’re ok, he helps you clean up

Gives you something to drink and offers you a bath or shower (he won’t let you do it alone tho)

Berlin worships you and your body, sexually or not. He just adores you.

But honestly? He is pretty lazy after sex.

He prefers to cuddle you whilst whispering praise to you

Sex makes him sleepy lmao

Besides, his favorite thing to do is have deep conversations with his lover, and have you resting on him naked.

He falls asleep pretty quick, and does so whilst spooning you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On himself: Hands and neck

He loves how his hands look, especially when they’re on your body and inside of you

…Or around your throat

He likes his neck, and the way your lips feel on it, especially when you leave hickeys on it ;)

It turns him on to see the bruises and marks you leave on him, and doesn’t give A FUCK if people see it - he wants everyone to know he is taken ;)

On you: Your eyes… And ass.

He loves eye contact during sex. 

It says everything to him - if you like what he’s doing, when you’re close, etc… 

It’s also really intimate to look into your eyes whilst pounding into you. 

He adores you, especially those eyes of yours.

Ass too, of course.

He likes the way it feels against his palms, how it looks with AND without clothes… 

Also loves spanking it

…And the sounds of his balls slapping against your ass when he takes you from behind.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Making you cum is his favorite activity.

He likes seeing how many times he can make you cum before you break completely.

The sounds you make, the way your body twitches and squirms, and how your eyes roll back when climaxing… He loves it all. 

He’s not scared to get messy. Berlin likes it when you cum on his fingers, cock, or face. Anything. 

Of course, he likes cumming on you, too.

Not a fan of releasing inside of you, tho. 

When you suck him off, he likes to come in your throat, or pull out and release all over your face.

It makes him feel possessive, seeing you all flustered and covered in his cum- 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes the idea of blindfolding you, often using his own ties or putting satin blindfolds over your eyes.

Knowing you’re completely at his mercy excites him.

He’ll get the chance to use whips on you, tease your skin with feathers and make you shiver with his touch.

…This way, he can tease you too. 

Probably cruel and doesn’t touch you, have you on edge and begging for it.

Only to give you the pleasure needed when you least expect it. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Homeboys have four ex-wives… That’s all I’ll say. 

He knows how to pleasure you, and also knows what he likes in bed.

Very attentive and catches up on what you like and dislike in bed.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy style. 

He loves having you on all fours, grabbing your hips and thrusting into you.

The position gives him the opportunity to take you on other places besides the bed.

The kitchen counters, against a table, the shower wall…. You name it. 

This man is creative af lmao

He’s an ass guy, how can he not love doggy?

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He can be very serious if you want him too, or if he’s in a bad mood.

But most of the time, he’ll be humorous.

He wants sex to be intimate and passionate

But also want you to have a good time and feel good about yourself.

He tends to be rough, so when your whimpers get too loud, he’ll crack a joke to make you focus on something else. 

His goal is to make you relaxed, satisfied but also to at least smile at something stupid he says.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He doesn’t shave, doesn’t see the point in it.

Body hair is natural to him, and he’s proud of it, too.

But he does keep it trimmed, so it doesn’t get in the way.

He’s kind of a perfectionist, you know?

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Like I said on G: He’s intimate and passionate!

If you ask Berlin, sex is supposed to be just that.

He always makes sure it’s romantic

And if he needs to be cheesy with music, lighted candles and such… He’ll do it. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

To be honest? He does it alot.

BUT… He’d never admit it.

He probably talks about it like masturbation is “lame” or even “disgusting” 

…Yet, he touched himself a lot. 

When single, he uses it as a stress relief.

Before you and him became official, he used to jerk off to thoughts off you.

Even when in a relationship, Berlin masturbates with you on his mind. Or maybe whilst looking at pictures of you.

He’s not a fan of porn, finds it repulsing to watch other people have sex

He instead uses his own imagination, and… Well, you - photos, and even something that smells like you - to get off. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Bondage

Impact play

Dom/sub & discipline

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bed, the couch, against the kitchen counter/table…

Prefers a bit privacy

So anywhere at home where he can bend you over will do it

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Simply… You.

And his own fantasies.

Just imagining what he wants to do with you

Or what he wants YOU to do to him, gets him going.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Threesomes and cuckolding

Anything that has to do with sharing you

Seriously, he’ll get seriously offended if you suggest it 😭

Doesn’t like humiliation, neither on you or him

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Homeboy passionate AF

He adores and worships every single inch of you, so ofc he gives you a lot of attention… Down there ;)

He can spend hours giving you oral pleasure

Not only to satisfy you, but because he genuinely gets turned on from going down on someone. It brings him pleasure too

He loves receiving too

Will have you on your knees, loving the sight of you so submissive and eager to please him

Pushing into your warm mouth, rewarding you with praise and LOUD grunts and moans

He hates being the guy to fuck your face

…But if he gets too into it/eager? He’ll do it and not even feel sorry afterwards

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He likes both but prefers fast - but not necessarily rough. 

He wants it to feel intense and have you plead for more. 

He’s more of a “fast and passionate” kinda guy. 

Going slow only makes him frustrated. He wants the both of you to feel the intensity.

He saves the slow “love-making” for special occasions. 

If he’s frustrated or angry he tends to be rough tho - often without realizing so. 

He’ll slam into you mercilessly, only realizing how rough he is when you whimper underneath him

And he likes teasing you for it. “Aww… Is this too much for you, mi amor?”

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

LOVES quickies!!

What’s there not to like about taking you anywhere, at any time?

He’ll have you bent over a table, pressed against a wall and hit it from behind whenever he feels like it. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He likes it risky ;)

Doing it in public for example

Or testing his pull out game

He’ll have you sweating as he tells you how close he is - but still doesn’t pull out… 

And then, before exploding he’ll pull out and release onto your ass or stomach - he’ll be a smug mf about it too

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can go at it for quite a while. He’ll make sure you’re both satisfied

…But he’s insatiable, so it takes a while

He’s a horny bitch lol, so getting ready to take you once again after an orgasm doesn’t take that long.

He can last pretty long, tho. Totally depends on position etc

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I feel like he either has some toys, or that he’s the guy that doesn’t own toys and refuses to use them on his partner, since “he’s better than some stupid toy” 

The toys he has are some vibrators, handcuffs, blindfolds etc… Maybe a whip too, who knows? 

…Bonus point if you switch it up and use them on him

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

UNFAIRRRRRR AF

Will have you on your knees in the end, only because “it’s funny” to see you beg. 💀

He likes turning you on and leave you begging for more

But he won't give it to you that easily…

He also loves making you flustered - you blushing is the cutest thing to him. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He is LOUD and without shame

Grunts, growls, moans

Cuss words, praise, degradation… You name it.

He talks shit in the show, and so he does in the bedroom LMAO

…And whimpers, too - if you fuck him good enough…

He likes dirty talking too.

He actually doesn’t mind if the neighbors hear his moans, combined with the sounds leaving your mouth - he wants everyone to know he’s yours, and that you’re his. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Berlin wears suits a lot, right?

To look good and to fit his “fancy” vibes, yes.

BUT…

His suits come in handy other times, too… 

Especially the tie. 

Just pull it a bit when kissing him.

Heck, he even likes it when you pull it too hard, causing him to gasp for air. 

OR… If you use the tie to handcuff him, or blindfold him with it. EVEN USE IT AS A GAG.

The possibilities are endless. You choose - he’s happy with anything ;)

Yup, “he likes it rough”

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He wears boxers, of course.

However… 

When with you, he sometimes skips the underwears.

That way, it’s easier to have you whenever he wants. 

If we’re discussing what’s under those boxers, tho?

He’s an average size, but slightly thicker. 

Lot of visible veins across his length.

Aight, I’m sorry - I’ll show myself out 🚪🚶

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Bro is horny as hell 💀

Wakes up with a boner, and can’t go to sleep at night before a quickie with you. 

He may be a bit “older” but don’t let that trick you.

He has a hot partner like you, ofc his sex drive is high ;)

He wants to be able to satisfy your needs, always. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends. 

Sometime he basically falls asleep minutes after finishing

And he feels guilty af about it later LMAO

So he tries to stay up with you, prioritizing aftercare before sleep.

He absolutely adores you, and seeing you asleep next to him is one of his favorite things.

Knowing that he’s the reason you’re so exhausted makes him want to pamper you with love and affection

But he’s pretty tired, too. So he either falls asleep with you, or as soon as he sees you asleep.

ANDDD that's a wrap for Berlin!!! Hope you guys liked it! <3 Next up - Denver or Tokyo!

[gorgeouslypink]

"You're not lacking in self awareness, you're lacking in self love."

Sometimes I feel like it's really easy to fall into self hatred during your void journey. Obviously, when you have a goal that you really really want to achieve but keep failing on, it's easy to get frustrated and disappointed with yourself. And it gets even worse when you try to vent and you are just blamed for not trying, for not persisting long enough, for not focusing hard enough, etc.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying bloggers or the community is wrong for their tough love. Most of the time, they're spot on because a lot of people want to enter the void but don't acctually do anything except for maybe scrolling on tumblr and these people suffer from a severe lack of self awareness. And even with people who are actively trying, it's still the truth, but it's a really tough pill to swallow when you're already feeling down.

On a side note, this is why I feel like a lot of people find manifestation in general toxic. Because manifestation forces us to take accountability for everything in our lives and most people like to blame others. But we know that we are the creators of our realities and unfortunately, not entering the void is our fault. 

But back to what I was saying, I just want to tell you that I know you're trying and doing your best. I know the problem isn't self awareness. You know that you haven't entered the void, you know it's your fault, and you're taking the steps to enter the void but it sometimes takes a bit of practice and patience and within all your self awareness, I don't want you to fall into self hatred. I know it's frustrating but practice a bit of self love.

No one but you knows how hard you have it. No but you knows how hard you've been trying. And no one but you is going to be more happy when you do enter. So don't be mean to yourself when you're doing your best for you.

Recently, I watched this video on procastination and honestly , before I just blamed procastination on laziness and while that's still a reason, did you know the biggest reason is acctually wanting perfection and fear of failure?

Think about it. Whether it's doing your English paper or wanting to enter the void, the reason you probably procastinate on both is wanting perfection and fear of failure. For your English paper, you want to write the best paper and get a perfect grade but you feel like you lack the right words so you push it off until you are in a more creative writing mood and then you keep doing that until it's the night before the paper is due and you're basically just forced to write something. For the void, a lot of people procastinate on the void because they don't want to fail and they're waiting till they have the perfect void concept or they're waiting for a easy, guaranteed method. You're not procastinating because you're lazy or you're a horrible person who doesn't care about yourself, you're procastinating because you're afraid of failure, but sometimes you need to fail and keep failing till you succeed.

The reason I shared that about procastinstion is to say to not hate yourself just because you haven't entered the void. While it is your fault and you do need to take accountability, there were situations and you know exactly what happened. Maybe other people will dismiss your situation but you shouldn't do that to yourself too.

The thing about manifestation and reprogramming or meditating is that there are no failed efforts. If you listened to a subliminal, even for a bit, you still reprogrammed your mind a bit. Not enough to override your previous reprogramming but it's not like the subliminal's reprogramming had no effect. Or like failed meditation attempts. Yeah, you failed but you did practice meditating and it's going to get more accustomed with focusing and tap into deeper levels of meditation next time.

So appreciate yourself for whatever work you did. Don't hate yourself. You've been doing good, but now just pull yourself together, really examine your situation and what you've learned and make a plan, stick to it, and enter the void!! Take a break if you need to, but you know best where you're at what right now and what you should probably be doing moving forward. If you feel like you doubt the void, read My Doubts post. If you feel like you have certain blockages but can't figure out what, do this EFT tapping video. If you want to manifest through meditation, try this video. If meditation isn't really your thing, try this reprogramming exercise. If you want to try a method you can do just before sleeping, look into my answer for this ask. Maybe you're just really overwhelmed and just want to listen to a subliminal. Maybe you would benefit from doing a challenge ( i recommend 3dolc×roe). Maybe states is the way for you, just know youre already someone who wakes up in the void and occupy that state. Go through my page or any void bloggers pages (if you're more into manifestation, i recommend @charmedreincarnation. i feel like she gives out the best advice), figure out what's going on with you and what you need to do and do it. I believe in you! 💗

[moodymisty]

I recently read the story The Conqueror's Truth by Gav Trope about Konrad Curze. And what can I say… this is the most erotic thing about a primarch that I have read. In the story a remembrancer Ennylin Ares finds herself on board the Night Lords with the goal of seeing “a real crusade.” Well, Curze promises to show it to her. And gods, how deliciously this scene is described:

I nodded, not daring to speak. ‘Why did you want to see me?’ ‘I…’ I thought to step away but his grip tightened ever so slightly, reacting to the intent before it had even crystallised in my mind. I cleared my throat, mouth dry. ‘I told the lieutenant I wanted a combat attachment. I never thought…’ ‘I did not say that you asked to be here, I said that you wanted to be.’ Curze released his hold and stepped back. My breath exited in a gasp of relief, though I hadn’t realised I had been holding it in. ‘You crave this, Ennylin.’

Well, when a girl sees genocide with her own eyes, she is not afraid to show Curze her displeasure (which surprises him, lol). He wants the aristocrats from Terra to see Ennylin’s records and find out the cost of the campaign.

P.S If the previous paragraph was original, these one I had to translate into English from my mother language.

I stood up, pulling my legs up to my head, but holding back my anger, my eyes hardened as I looked at Curze. He raised an eyebrow and looked at me. 'I don’t know how, but I will make sure that this becomes known,' I told him.

And this line just killed me:

'I would hate myself if you had an accident before you took your notes to Terra.'

Now I want to write a fanfic about these two or with reader (but honestly I'm too lazy :D). I really liked the idea that the remembrancer (esp. of the Night Lords) would not only be horrified by the horrors of the Crusade, but despite his fear, he would say this to the face of the primarch (and also Konrad! What a woman).

Ahhh the infamous Konrad Curze/OC novel. I need to get around to actually reading it.

It’s a good dynamic overall, I like the idea. Also if you’re on a night lord ship you’re already fucked why not just try and run to Terra and tell everyone what they’re doing XD

[two-braincells-in-total]

Sometimes I wish I didn't have my whole life planned step by step, like a schedule that I have to follow. It began with, you'll go to this school, you'go to that contest, you'll upgrade to this other school, you'll study this subject, you'll get a scholarship at this university, you'll do this job etc. etc.

It feels as if I don't have a choice and honestly, I don't. The pressure got so much that I fell behind on coding and my parents said that if I don't want to do it I should quit, but when I asked to quit I was told that they didn't raise a quitter and that it doesn't matter if I'm first or last, it's the effort that counts. Well, guess what, I get called a failure every time I'm not top 5! So is it really the effort that counts?

I was told that quitting would be a waste of potential. I have potential in so many spheres, like chemistry, math, writing, but I have to stick to the life I chose when I was 7? I was told that I can quit anytime, but then I got too deep in it that I'm not allowed to quit anymore. I have to go through making a "dream" come true in a way that makes me wish to fuck it all up on purpose so that I don't have to deal with it.

I was told so many times by people my age how they wish they had a plan for life like I do, but they don't realise how much I wish I was like them, going with the flow, wherever life takes you, trying out hobbies, knowing that you can change the direction if you want.

I started writing around 2 years ago, but because it actually doesn't make money, then it's stupid and I shouldn't waste my time on it.

I should use my knowledge in English to read science books instead of wasting my time with fiction. I'm supposed to spend only 1 hour a day for hobbies. And if I decide to go against this and actually enjoy my teen years, I'm called lazy and a failure. Which means I'm called that a lot.

And no matter how much I hate all of this, I'm not allowed to quit and part of me doesn't want to. I've been doing this my entire life, who will I be without the plan? Where will I end up in life if I don't follow it and just go with the flow?

Sorry for the rant

[voxofthevoid]

Tagged by @backwardshirt 💙

1. Are you named after anyone?

My mother named me after a public figure she admired; two decades later, I named myself after her favorite god.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Haven't full-on cried in a while, but I did tear up the other day while hearing something sad.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope and don't want 'em either.

4. What sport have you played?

A very brief stint in basketball in high school.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

All the time!

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Face in general—mouth because I watch lips to better understand what people are saying and eyes because I just really like eyes.

7. Eye color?

Very dark brown

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

When it comes to just movies, I'd say I prefer scary ones. In general, happy endings.

9. Any talents?

Does bending my thumbs all the way back count as a talent? Otherwise, *gestures at Ao3* that.

10. Where were you born?

Now, that's classified information.

11. Hobbies?

Writing, listening to music, writing, walking, some more writing—honestly, I tend to say writing is my sole hobby.

12. Pets?

None. There is a stray cat who's currently using her wiles on me though.

13. How tall are you?

Around 5'4.

14. Favorite subject in school?

English. Who's shocked?

15. Dream job?

I think I'm too lazy to ever find a job ideal, but I'd be content doing what I do now as a lifelong career (creative and academic editing).

No-pressure tagging @zyukan @karaargent @hinamie @cursedvibes @eusuntgratie @zalondra @themanething

[yuniemaki]

tagged by @cadriona you have all my love and undying support, even should i become an undead i will come back to bang on your doors so you'll finish your UNFINISHED WORKS.

how many works do you have on ao3?

39, I don't know what are anon'ed works, lalala

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

492,719

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Genshin... once upon a time in the ff.net days I wrote for Dragon Age, Claymore, Air Gear and Skyrim/Oblivion too, but these days a certain lesbian couple from Genshin lives rent-free in my head, y'know?

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

BY KUDOS??? 😭 1. Dancing in circles 2. Trust in the stars 3. a gift from the stars 4. Welcome back, my Captain 5. Even if it's selfish, I still want you to stay

5. do you respond to comments?

Yes I love all comments they make me squeal because wow someone found my shit in a sea of food and went, "damn I'm gonna talk to the person who pooped this shit out!" I'm honoured. Work sometimes makes me slow but I read every comment and spend way too long thinking about how I should respond HELP

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I... I don't do angsty endings... there is a fic with one, but it's currently locked because it's for a zine. I'll share when it's out :P

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

THAT'S EVERYTHING HELLO. ANGST WITH HAPPY ENDING MY BELOVED

8. do you get hate on fics?

probably, but I don't see it, so eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

you do not ask yunie what smut she writes.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

i hardly write crossovers... it's enough trouble to make sure my ideas are potentially canon-compliant, nevermind making sure they could be accepted as canon for TWO universes. I wrote one for Skyrim x Genshin though. beiguang but dark brotherhood x pirate. :D

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

naur i'm not that amazing

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

sadly nope tho i would be honoured

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope, i've done that plenty in classes and am honestly not a fan, but i'm sure it works for people who are very in-tune!

14. what's your all time favourite ship?

beiguang. my beloved. they pulled out 500k words from me and still counting after a 10-year hiatus. amazing

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

one that's been sitting in the pile for a while... about ningguang faking her death and beidou finding out like a year later. no, i don't have anything beyond that line :(

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i write dialogue pretty well

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i'm often too lazy to edit, and i slack a lot on descriptions because... yeah, i'm too lazy for my own good. :/ i can also get really impatient with longer fics like i'll get angry that i'm not at the scene i really want to write, count the number of chapters i still have to do to reach there, then close the doc in rage.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't really like it, because it's kinda immersion-breaking for me. i prefer to write it all in english but state that the character is speaking in xxx language instead

19. first fandom you wrote for?

Claymore, with OCs!

20. favorite fic you've written?

beiguang mafia au with their version of a happy ending. I love my beiguang twisted, obsessive and somewhat toxic

tagging @canonical-transformation, @aurilium, @mireillexy, @dreamerinsilico @asharinhun, @narcoticwriter and anyone else who wants to answer! OPEN TAG!

[skijumpingf1]

A roller-coaster weekend (D.Prevc X D.Tande)

So last weekend after Domens win someone (sadly I don´t know who) pointed out that it is sad that Daniel wasn´t in Sapporo to witness Domen’s win. I kinda got inspired by that and started to write something. It was supposed to be a fun cute one shot about Domiel celebrating Domens win the long-distance way but apparently, I’m not good a writing fun stuff so it’s a tiny bit heavier than anticipated but well. The whole Alex situation is mentioned but I tried to keep it vague to not speculate too much. At first, I didn’t think I would post it, since it’s the first time I would share something that I wrote (It’s also the first time writing in English and the first time writing Domiel. So a lot of firsts). But I’m always happy when someone shares their work so here you go.

Wordcount: 4899

------------‐-----------------------------------------

Friday

“Why am I hearing about your revolution from gossip?”, is the first thing that leaves my mouth when my boyfriend finally picks up the phone. It was my third try of reaching him. To his defence it is currently 5.30 am in Norway. So honestly, he shouldn’t be answering the phone, but he does. It brings out a little smile on my face. “Good morning to you too, Domen.”, answers Daniel with his raspy morning voice. I miss hearing it in person. I miss waking up next to him and wake him up with a lazy kiss. Hopefully he will be in Oberstdorf next week. It has been too long since we saw each other. “It’s already afternoon here.” I could practically see his eye roll through the telephone.

The Slovenian cabin is empty here at the hill in Sapporo. My first teammates are on the way up the hill and everyone who jumps after me is still outside warming up. I probably should be out there too but the gossip on the hill was more important. At least today. So, I’m sitting on the slim bench and lean against the heater. Robert, my trainer, can’t be mad when he finds me here cause I’m doing a bit of stretching. At least a bit. But I really need to speak with Daniel about the things I heard. So, no good warm up for me today. This is more important. “I heard it from the Germans, Danny. So, what is going on with your team? Is it true?” Philipp Raimund and Andreas Wellinger were practically begging me to give them insides of the drama in team Norway. But I didn’t have an answer for them because my boyfriend forgot to tell me the big news. Or choose to not tell me. There is a sigh on the others side of the line. “To be honest, I don’t know what to think about it. I can’t even articulate what I’m felling right now.”, speaks Daniel after a short period of quiet. My hand glides through my hair. “It’s really true? You want to get rid of Alex?” “That’s sounds like we want to kill him. We just think our team would function better without him.” Something in his voice and the fact that he didn’t tell me about it, tells me there is more to this story.

Daniel and I, we are together since over four years. I know him. That’s why I keep asking. Sometimes he holds to himself. You would think that would be my part, but I tend to overshare. At least with him. “But you don’t agree?” There is a bit noise in the background. He is probably standing up to go around in circles in his little flat like always does. I can picture it in my head. Daniel running his hand through his beautiful blond hair, pacing around to get rid of the emotions that comes with phone calls like this. “You know I have experience with revolutions against trainers. Rember the ski flying world champions in Planica.” The Japanese sun is shining in the little cabin, and I am praying that the other guys will be out there a bit longer so that we can finish this conversation. I lean my head against the blank wall. “It’s not that I don’t agree. There are valid points why Alex isn’t the right trainer for us. But its complicated.” “He has been your trainer since when? Since you have been in world cup? Of course, it’s complicated.” Alex always seemed close with his jumpers. Daniel praised him so often. I don’t know what caused this fall out. Maybe just the bad results. Maybe something major that he can’t share with me. We are still on different teams, and it could be something regarding his teammates so I can understand why he isn’t telling me. I wish I could be there, or he could be here. Even through his voice I can hear that he needs a hug. Maybe I should call his mom up to go check on him. “He is such big part of my life. If he is really going to leave it feels like I´m losing a third parent.” “Oh Danny.”, was the only thing I could say. “Did you agree with Timi when he pulled that thing?” I exhale loudly. “Partly. But definitely not the way he did it. That was just cruel and bad for all of us. But its not really comparable. Alex has been in your life forever. Have you talked about it with the other guys? Or maybe with Anders or Kenneth?” Outside of the cabin I can start to hear voices. Probably my teammates who played volleyball. My gaze falls on my watch. I should get going soon or I will miss the first jump. “Not really. I agree with them for the most parts so what am I supposed to say?” “Your also part of the team. Your opinion matters as much as the opinion form the others. I´m sorry love, but I really have to get going. Maybe it would really help if you speak to Anders. He knows the team but can give you a bit of a neutral view.” In the middle of my sentence the door of the cabin opens, and my brother enters the room followed by Lovro and Timi. Peter is raising his eyebrow at me. An unspoken question why I am not ready. With my free hand I gesture towards the phone and hope the boys will stay quiet. “Good luck for quali, kjekken. I love you. “„I love you too.” The phone call ends, and I’m absolutely not satisfied with it. I hate that I can’t be there for him and hold him. I hate that there are currently what feels like million kilometres between us. “Yes Pero. I know that I’m late. I’m hurrying up now.”, I say before my older brother opens his mouth. Peter is still nervous when it comes to me being in World cup. As if I didn’t know the rules around here. Even though I have been a part of this circus since I was 16. While I change in my ski jumping suit the boys exchange a knowing look. “So, it’s true, what they tell about team Norway?” Timi was the brave one to ask the question they all had. “Apparently. But I don’t know much more than you do.” A last check through my bag than I went my way up the hill to do the thing I love most in the world.

Saturday

I press my lips together and look at the big screen. 122 meters. Not enough to really help me get a better position than somewhere around place 20. Sometimes this sport could be harsh. After yesterday and even the trial round I was quite hopeful for a good result, a great even if I dared to dream. Sadly, the wind had other ideas. So, I step out of the outrun with my big skies in my hands. The sun is already setting behind the mountains and it’s getting a bit dark. I don’t know if I should feel tired or not. After the US leg and now Japan my inner clock is not working at all. Always tired but not really tired enough to fully get a night full of sleep. My teammates greet me in the outrun, and someone takes my skier. “Tomorrow will be our day.”, says Timi and winks at me. “Let’s hope for good headwind.”, was my dry response. The worst thing now is that I have to wait around the exit gate because my brother was sixth after the first round. It’s not that I don’t want to be there for him but seeing everyone jump better than me still hurts after eight years in world cup. But if it didn’t bother me, I should probably retire. I slip out of my suit and change into my training clothes. As soon as I’m done, I grab my phone from my backpack. A message from Daniel was already waiting for me. Come on Domen, just because there is no headwind doesn’t mean you have to jump that shitty. A small smile builds itself on my face. Daniel always knows how to cheer me up. Well, I was kind off expecting it so … Jumper after jumper came down the hill until we reach the top 10. Lovro who is standing next to me is also on his phone. “Dude, the story in Norway is getting out of hand. Stöckel didn’t know anything about that shit. He was completely blindsided.” By the way he raises his eyebrow I know that he asked me a question with that statement. Sometimes I regretted telling people about our relationship. Especially when someone uses that connection to get information that are not supposed to be for them. Normally I´m glad we were no longer part of a big hide and seek game. Sneaking around is just fun at the beginning but at some point, it’s just annoying. The public still doesn’t know, and we are not planning on chancing that in the near future. But the other jumpers knew to an extent. We are not running around holding hands in the village, but we tend to stick together. So, the rumour spread, and we just went with flow. Our teammates were obviously a bit more informed. If not, we wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with each other as we did. But we try to keep it is much to ourselves as possible. “No comment?”, askes Zak. “No comment.” With that I step a few steps closer to the outrun. Peter is next jumper. I look up the hill and wait for the signal so that Pero can finally jump down that damn hill. “Gosh today your way grumpier then normal. It’s time for Daniel to return.” Timi is grinning towards me. “With that I agree.” The team for Oberstdorf wasn’t finalized but I doubt that Daniel would miss ski flying. Finally, Peters is letting loose and jumps. Right at the beginning I can see that that jump won’t do it and press my lips together ones more. “Well at least we can get going now.”

I more than thankful that Lovro, with who I’m rooming this weekend, left to play a round of cards with the other boys or maybe jumpers from a different nation. Honestly, I didn’t really paid attention to what he was telling me. As fast as I can, I fix my hair. Then I´m pressing the facetime button on my phone and Daniels face appears on my screen. “Hi.” I probably sound a bit breathless, but I don’t really care. Daniel still takes my breath away. Even after four years of being with him and close to a decade of knowing him. Even on my tiny screen. His blonde hair is a bit messy, the way I like it the most, and a bright smile was on his face. “Hi you. I missed seeing your face.” “I missed seeing yours more.”

I lay back on the bed and cuddle myself under the blanket. “Oh, that kind off face time call.”, smirks my boyfriend. A small giggle escapes my mouth. “I wish but I don’t know when Lovro is coming back.” Daniels face forms a grimace. “Then back to the good old talking. How was the comp? The jumps didn’t look too bad.” A deep sigh comes from me. I roll onto my side in the small hotel bed. This hotel room was more on the depressing side. Grey walls, no good art and the floor was carpet that definitely has seen its prime. “Normally a 19th place is alright, but I like the hill and I know that I can do better here so that’s why it’s a bit frustrating. But tomorrow …” “Tomorrow is headwind so I´m expecting more from you.” Daniel raises his eyebrows and looks me death in the eye. He can’t hold his composure for long and he burst out laughing. My favourite noise in the world. “I will try a podium just for you.” “You know that just wins turn me on.”, he winks at me. I nod sarcastically. “Then we should probably break up. I haven’t won in ages.” Daniels laugh increases and his hair falls in his face. What would I give to be able to push it back now. Seeing him so happy opens up my heart. “For me team wins count as well, so you are good.” I cuddle myself deeper in my bed and switch the hand that’s holding my phone to warm it a bit under the blanket.

Outside its pitch black dark and my eyes are slowly getting heavy. The small light next to me is doing barely enough to keep me in enough light for the facetime call. But we are not even at the point where I want this conversation going. That why keep my eyes open and push the sleep away. “How generous. Then I suppose we can stay together.” Daniel is sitting on his couch, the phone between his knees so he has the hands free to eat a bowl of cereal. He looks happy but I can see that something is bothering him. “Have you talked to someone about the Alex situation?” I am probably silly to shift the easy conversation to a heavy topic when we haven’t had time to properly speak to each other since last week. But he needs to talk and for reasons I still don’t fully understand I’m his favourite person to talk to. “I called Johann and said that we probably should have talked about it with Alex first before sending a letter to him and the federation. I mean we did it before, its not like he doesn’t know something is up, but we should have tried to tell him how serious we are. Alex wants to talk to us when the others are back from Japan. So, we will see how that goes but honestly the damage is done. Alex can´t take the things he did back, and we can’t unsent that letter.” Those situations are always a bit uncomfortable to say the least. I experienced it as well. The relationship between a trainer and an athlete is one of the closest you can experience. There needs to be a level of trust and understanding between them for it to work. Its strange when the dynamic changes. I can´t even imagine how hard when its with a trainer like Alex who has been through thick and thin with his athletes, especially Daniel. Alex was so supportive after Dannys fall and everything else that happened.

“I´m so sorry, Love. I know he means a lot to you. But just because he maybe won’t be your trainer anymore doesn’t mean he won’t be in your life. If you want to you can still be close to him.” Daniels is quiet for a few moments. Chewing on a bit of cereal and looking at the distance. Maybe I should ask Rob if I can fly to Norway instead of Slovenia. It wouldn’t be there first time that Daniel or I flew back home with the opposite team. After some long conversation Robert and I agreed that Daniel can train with us when he is with me, and Alex and Daniel have the same agreement. Honestly a fresh perspective helped me with my jumping once or twice which was a nice benefit. But as much as I want to it would not be right. My presence would be even more a hustle for Daniels Team and also, I want to enjoy training with a brother as long as I can. Daniels gaze focuses on the screen again. “I will think about it, when its final. Right now, I can’t do anything so why stress about it. Now its your turn. How are you doing?” I chuckle. That’s so typical Daniel. “I’m fine. Just a bit worried about you.” Daniel is shaking his head. He places his bowl on the couch table and takes his phone in his hands again. Now I can see his beautiful face even better. My gaze falls onto his full lips. Again I´m condemning the distance between us. “No. We talked enough about me. Now it´s your turn. Have you made peace with Peters retirement?” I groan. Not that topic again. Everyone wants to talk to me about the retirement from my eldest brother. Trainer, Teammates, other colleges, the press and Daniel. It´s being too much so I rather not talk about it anymore. I told Daniel right after Peter told me. I needed to talk about it then. It’s strange that I’m suddenly alone in world cup. Long time I wished for it to be honest. Peter is constantly watching over me but now that he is leaving it fells strange. Cenes departure from world cup was a hard hit and now that I´m going to be completely without them is just strange. Somehow, I always pictured my brothers in world cup with me forever. I probably need more than two weeks to shake that feeling off. “I promise I talk to you about when I need it. Right now, I am just annoyed with that topic. And you will talk to me about Alex when you need it. Deal?” “Okay we have a deal.”

Sunday

You are still leading! That message arrived when I made my way into the Slovenian cabin where nobody is. Timi is probably somewhere fuming after his disqualification so I’m glad that I don’t have to bother with that right now. I type: I know. Crazy but the best aren’t down yet. It’s the truth. The best three were still up there. But regardless it was a great jump and a great result after the first round. Secretly I am hoping that there will be a spontaneous storm so that we can cancel second round. I don’t know if I can deliver a second jump on that level anyways. I´m still to inconsistent. I put my back on the bench and quickly scan through it if I have everything. My telephone rings and I know who is on the other side before I even look at it. “You’re not inconstant on this hill with headwind. Stopp being a pessimist and start being a realist.” “I am realistic! But I told you I´m aiming for a podium for you so you bet I do everything I can.” I hear a loud cheer from Daniel, and I don’t know what it means. In the cabin there was no tv so I couldn’t watch the rest of the competition. Normally an assistant of Robert or Robert himself would be here soon to talk about adjustments. He would tell me where I finished so I can prepare and be in time. “Nobody should be that cheerful at three a.m.”, I say and sit on the bench. Peter should be here any minute. Before that I should end the call, or I can get a lecture about concentration. Especially today. “Its just that my boyfriend is first after the first round. That’s something I want to cheer about.” I open my mouth and close it again. “Really?” “Stefan is sixth, Ryoyu is fourth and Andi jumped pretty badly. Ah I´m so excited to see your top 10 video.” Oh my gosh. I am leading. When was the last time I lead after first round? “Well, that is a bit unexpected.” “Oh, come on. Your form is getting better and better, and you love the hill. Have a bit of confidence.”, is Daniel hyping me up. The door of the cabin opens, and a smiling Peter enters, followed by Robert. “I need to go, love you.” “I promise. You have got this. I believe in you.” With that the phone call is ending. Peter comes up to me and gives me a big hug. “You’re leading!” “I know, Pero. It’s just the first round.” He pats me on the back before he lets me go. My brother is still smiling like a maniac. The retirement made him so much more emotional. “That was a very good jump, Domen. Honestly no real adjustments are necessary.”, nods my trainer. I rather had a little mistake I could fix to concentrate on. “Can I do a few simulations? I have to much time left.” Peros raises his eyebrow. Even Rob looks a bit concerned. “Is everything alright?” “Yeah, but there still is a second jump. I won’t celebrate anything before I’m not down that hill twice.”

It’s strange to have that much time between the rounds. I am not really at the front of the field. I jumped twenty minutes earlier than the best. The FIS calculates that the best have enough time to get up the hill again even if they place badly. It’s a long wait. And one thing about me is that I hate waiting. The first time ever I am early on my way up the hill. Some other athletes are congratulating me which is just silly because I could still end up being last. Well 30th. Not dead ass last but still. My phone buzzes. Normally I wouldn’t check in the middle of comps, but I hoped that message was form Danny. I honestly need more of his reassurance. As a professional athlete I should be able to deal with this situation alone. I could but with him it was so much easier. As is everything else. I trust in you, kjekken. You got this! I know it’s hard but don’t think about it too much. It’s just another jump. I am instantly a bit calmer when I step into the small elevator that brings one up to the waiting room. It’s a beautiful day outside. Sunny and barely any wind. Better conditions don’t exist. I start typing when I hear a scream. “Can you hold that?” I look up from the screen and see a rushed Lovro, who was fifth after first round. With a reached arm I hold the door open so that my teammate can get in the lift with me. “Why are you so early? I thought we could go together.” I shrug. “I was done with everything and waiting up there is more relaxing than in the cabin.” Lovro looks me up and down. He gazes lays on the phone in my hand with which I´m tapping against my leg. My teammate is not the best when it comes to social interactions. Not that I am better. Lovro and I are on a similar level. I raise an eyebrow because I know he wants to say something but doesn’t know what. Until he figures it out, I reply to Daniel. I will try to win for you, babe. Apparently, it turns you on. “Don’t be too nervous. It is just another competition.”, is the comment my teammate came up with. “I´m working on it.” The elevator is finally at the top and we step into the waiting area. A bunch off other guys are there and it brings me a bit of comfort that I´m not practically alone up here.

I step outside directly behind Kristoffer, who is second after the first round. It was weird enough being in that room with him alone. Alone in there and I would probably get flashbacks form when I was 17. I take a deep breath and try to focus on the jump. The way down to the gate takes longer than I remembered. It takes ages for me to get to the gate. Daniel comes to my mind while I wait until it’s my turn. I still remember the number of times we stood up here together. It feels like an eternity away. So much has happened in between then and today. We fell in love, and he is now the most important person in my life. I trust him with my whole heart, and he believes that I can do it. So, I believe it too. I want to win this. For me. For him. Therefore, I sit on that gate with determination. And with that determination I’m letting loose and just jump. My first reaction after the landing was relive. I didn’t mess it up. It was as good as I could bring it today. If someone else is better than so be. I did everything right. That thought brings an even brighter smile to my face. It took me years to get to this point.

With a big smile on my face, I break as best as I could and stop next to my brother in the outrun of the hill. “I think its enough.”, he says. It was close with the green line, but my landing was pretty good. The better grades could decide between first and second today. I open my bindings and take my skis in my hand. FIS is making it exciting with the blue bar but when it moves fast, I know that I won. “Fuck yes!” I raise my skier in the sky and start to laugh. My teammates are all cheering for me. “Good job, Domci.” My brother pats me on the back, and I start to beam. I really just did that. I won again. After nearly five years I finally won again. And I hate to admit it, it was nice that my brother was still here to witness it.

As soon as I go through the exit gate a bunch of people are around me to congratulate but I just want to get to my phone. I quickly thank everyone and get to my bag as soon as possible. While I change, I simultaneously open my phone. There are already a dozen messages but just one is important. See I told you, you could do it. But honestly, I’m so proud of you. You absolutely deserve this. I don’t have time to reply properly. The first little podium ceremony is happening soon. That’s why I just sent a heart. Daniel will get it and the first thing I will do when I’m back in the hotel is call him.

 Ryoyu, who ended up being second, comes up to me. “How does it feel to be back on top?” “I haven’t even realized it.” It takes it time to fully understand situations like this. In 2019 I understood the meaning of my victory after a few days. Obviously, it was different when I was 17 because everything is so much easier when your 17 and not thinking much. My colleague laughs. “Enjoy it. But don’t wait another five years for your next win.” “Next week is ski flying. A week sounds better.” I grin at him. Then our names are called, and we get into the inrun.

 I forgot how long it takes when you win. Waiting for the podium, dozens of interviews, people that want to congratulate you. It all takes so much longer than I remember. Or maybe I´m just more eager to get back to the hotel to make a phone call. On the way to the hotel, I try to answer a few messages. Nika is the first person I reply to. We joked a bit around that I´m now chasing her seven wins. Then there is Cene who is apparently a bit sad that he couldn’t be here to see me win. His fault. He wanted to end his career early.

Finally, we pulled up to the hotel. We won’t stay long here though. The flight back home is departing in five hours. I look at Lovro who is sitting in front of me. “Hey man. How far are you with packing?” He turns around and smirks. “No worries. I´ll give you a bit of privacy but not more than half an hour.” I nod and mutter a thanks before I hope out of the van. I gather my things and practically sprint into the hotel. The people in the lobby give my funny looks but I don’t care. As soon as I´m in my room I call my boyfriend who picks up instantly. As if he has been waiting for my call. “You did it! You fucking did it!”, Daniel cheers and I chuckle. I run my hand through my hair and shake my head. With a few steps I´m sitting on my bed. “Said I would win for you.” It was a cocky response but after today I was definitely allowed to be a bit cocky. “I never doubted you.” My smile widens. “You helped me win it. Before the jump I held myself together because I knew that you believe in me.” “Domen that was all you. You jumped that good. I just gave moral support.” I roll my eyes because that is a typical Daniel response. It would be so much better if he was here. Since I have been down the hill, all I wanted to do is get a hug from him. I would give everything to share this moment with him. “We will definitely celebrate this when we see each other again.”, says Daniel as if he read my thoughts. “I can’t wait for it.”

[bonnixd]

The Queen and the Standard Boy

Arisu Sakayanagix Reader

Warnings: bad Story Writing, bad English

a/n: I hope you like it. And Merry Christmas everyone :D

You are a student in Class A at the Tokyo Metropolitan Advanced Nurturing School. Honestly, you have no idea how you ended up in this class. You are lazy and not really intelligent. On the first day in class, you feel out of place somehow. Everyone looks so smart, wealthy, and athletic. And then there's you. Lost in your thoughts, you don't even realize that someone is watching you. The students in Class A start introducing themselves. They talk about who they are, their hobbies, and their plans after school. You're very relieved when the teacher comes in before it's your turn to introduce yourself. The hour passes quite quickly as the S System and school rules are explained to you. Like any other class, you also receive 100,000 points. As soon as you get the chance, you leave the classroom. You go to a shopping center, browse the shelves, and find a shelf with free products. 'This must be for those who have spent too many points.

You think to yourself, 'Who do we have here?' You hear someone speaking behind you. You turn around and see Arisu Sakayanagi in front of you. She's only a few centimeters taller than you. 'You're in my class, right?' she asks you. 'Y-yes,' you stammer. She smiles at you. 'Is... is something wrong?' you say, trying to sound as brave as possible. She slowly walks past you. 'You're really interesting,' she says. She goes to the checkout and leaves the store with her shopping. As she stands at the exit, she throws one last glance at you. You turn red and quickly look away. After you've paid, you leave. For some reason, you search the surroundings for Arisu. When you can't find her anywhere, you head home. You try to study the first lesson material. Can't hurt, right? However, studying is very difficult for you. After 30 minutes, you give up and lie down. You fall asleep quite quickly, after such an exciting day, it's no wonder.

-1 Day later-

"SHIT!" you exclaim. In 30 minutes, the class will start, and you've just gotten out of bed. You quickly grab the essentials and run to the classroom. You run as fast as you can and arrive 1 minute before the start of the lesson. You walk shamefully into the class. You're in one of the best classes and are almost late. You notice some looking at you angrily, while others giggle. You feel tears slowly coming. You're quite introverted and have a hard time dealing with this kind of situation. You sit down at your desk and take a deep breath to calm yourself. You don't have much time because the lesson starts immediately.

The lesson passes quickly. You try to listen as best as you can, and you manage, at least to some extent. When the class is over, you immediately look for your phone, but you can't find it. You feel your stomach growl, and you realize that you left your phone on the bed in the stress of getting ready. While you could manage to retrieve your phone, you wouldn't have time to get food and eat. You rest your head on the desk and try to ignore the feeling of hunger. "Hungry?" a familiar voice asks you. You lift your head and see Arisu standing next to you. "Yes... a bit," you say shyly. "Come on, I'll pay for you," she says and smiles. Skeptically, you look at her and ask, "But... why?" She looks you in the eyes. "There's no reason, and now come," she says and walks away. You slowly stand up and follow her. You notice everyone looking at you with surprise. As you walk to the cafeteria, you follow her and her group of friends. How did she manage to make friends so quickly? You wonder in your thoughts.

Once you arrive, she says goodbye to her friends and comes over to you. She takes your hand and leads you to the counter. You turn bright red when she does that. 'So, what do you want?' she asks you while looking at the dishes. 'Where did your friends go?' you ask her instead. She turns her gaze away from the dishes and looks at you. 'One doesn't answer a question with another question.' You blush again, 'I'm sorry,' you say shyly. You look at the menu, 'I'll have the udon noodles and a vanilla pudding,' you say with a bright red face. 'Interesting choice, I'll have the curry ramen,' she says, placing her phone on the payment terminal and paying for both of you. 'I'll pay you back,' you say softly. 'You don't have to, I invited you, so you don't have to pay anything.' You nod slightly. Both of you take your tablets and head to a table. 'And now, to your question, I told them to leave us alone.' You look at her, 'and why?' She looks at you and smiles, 'because I wanted to eat with you, and I want to discuss something with you.' As she says the last word, she takes a bite of a noodle. 'You can't study properly, right?' she says, looking at you. 'Well... um... yeah...' 'I'll study with you,' she says. You look at her in surprise. 'But...' She reacts quickly and puts her hand on your left cheek. 'I don't want you to get expelled from this school. I find you very interesting, you know?' she says and smiles. You blush again and nod slightly.

[karlachismylife]

You're genuinely awesome, I love your work. Part of me wishes I knew russian so I could read those works too! The way you write and characterize who you're writing about is amazing. The details you manage to write in ways that feel so natural and seamless, every time you post something new I love it. And you're funny and cool, and really nice. The way you interact with your followers is so sweet.

Someone's determined to make me flustered, hot and bothered and it's working, dammit, cheeks hotter than my central heating radiator rn..

I mean, my Russian works are either Genshin Impact fics (I wonder how many of you are surprised) plus couple of Saw works or a whole load of original so I dunno how interesting it would be, but this is such a sweet thing to say regardless :3 I might get cocky (and un-lazy) and post some of them in English, but honestly I dread of translating my own language lace into English. Maybe it's better to just give people the original text and let google translate butcher it but at least I won't be responsible for that...

Ehehehehehe but I'm just. Awww. Sorry I literally nuzzled my pillow like a shy mutt cuz the details are my pride and joy. I don't know why it matters that Queen in chapter 6 bought lime-flavoured crisps, they're just the ones me and my sis bought last time we saw each other. And all such stuff. So in a way when you notice the details you kinda notice me and my life. And it's flattering ehehehehehe.

I don't think I'm that funny, especially without our cultural code dark humor memes, but if I am, this is like my greatest achievement. I always wanted to make people smile and laugh. But somehow it was always the people themselves that made me smile. Like you do. Funny ways of life, innit?

I just like you, comrades, it's that simple, you're here in my gorilla nest/hyena cuddle pile and it makes me happy <3

[iveriee]

Hello can I request yandere alphabet for Heather Duke?

yandere alphabet with heather duke.

— toxicity. manipulation . guilt tripping. death mention. kidnapping / abduction. abuse. second person POV. murder. scheming. lying. unfair dynamics. legit wrote this at 11 pm . NOT proofread. terrible, lazy writing. english is not my first language also probably ooc ?? ??

AFFECTION: how do they show their love and affection? how intense would it get ?

— personally i think it really depends on your behaviour.

— but most of time, she'd be mildly affectionate: kissing your forehead, cupping your cheeks, etc.

— she wouldn't really be the one to initiate physical affection since she's so achingly afraid of your rejection

— so much so that she can't bring herself to touch you

— what if she sees disgust in your eyes? what if you frown and turn away ? what if you despise her ?

— she can't risk that, no.

— don't get me wrong, she really does want to cuddle with you and pepper soft kisses all over your face but she can't.

— she'd usually go with gift-giving as it allows her to do something for you without offense

BLOOD: how messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

— honestly?

— not that much. i mean, yeah, she'd scheme. she'd lie. she'd manipulate. she'd do anything that's legal.

— but murder..?

__ she'd avoid it all costs, much preferring other methods.

— i don't see her as a violent yandere but rather more insecure. she hates, and I mean hates, sharing you with anyone else and it may even lead her to do irrational things.

CRUELTY : how would they treat their darling once abducted ? would they mock them ?

— no, absolutely not. she'd never mock you, she can't bring herself to do that. unless if it's a really dire situation and you're acting out of place.

— she'd be a bit distant though, due to her numbing fear of rejection, and would mostly just give you the required necessities to survive and occasionally hold your hand.

— especially if it's early-abduction

— but, if you asked for something, she'd waste no time in giving it to you.

DARLING: aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will ?

— since she's a heather, she'd definitely ruin your relationship with others. and she would feel a prick of guilt, yes, but surely, it wasn't anything that bad.....and besides, you should talk to her. not them. they're all backstabbers, liars, idiots - they all want nothing but misery for you. but she doesn't. she loves you. and she swears she'll never be like them. she'll love you, cherish, do anything for you - so why can't you just give in?

— see: emotional manipulation

EXPOSED: how much of their heart do they bare to their darling ? how vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

— it really depends on the situation.

— however, i think, she'd be willing to share her feelings with you. although rarely since she's still numbingly scared of your rejection. (also, it gives her another opportunity to guilt trip you)

— she trusts you and believes that you won't reveal her secrets to anyone else.

— if you do, however, she'd be shattered. how could you? how could you, when she finally peeled back her layers and spilled her feelings like ink for you? how?

FIGHT: how would they feel if their darling fought back ?

— heartbroken, probably. it means that you don't trust her. that you don't like her. that you despise her. still, she accepts it if it's early-abduction. after all, you'll surely stop resisting after a while.

— but if you didn't, she would be torn; a knot of dread tightening around her stomach. she'd feel like a monster; a monster with sharp claws, too greedy and selfish and ravenous that she forgot about your comfort.

GAME: is this a game to them ? how much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape ?

— absolutely not. this is not a game to heather. she loves you, for god's sake! this is where you belong, this is where *she* belong aswell. she firmly believes that you're hers and she's yours. forever. and ever. and ever-and-

— she would not enjoy watching you escape, it's a tad bit endearing, yes but she won't find it amusing. she doesn't like to take risks when it comes to you.

HELL: what would be their darling's worst experience with them?

— probably when you fight back and / or attempt to escape.

— her lips would curl into a frown and her eyes would sting with unshed tears. she knew this was coming but now that you've clearly shown that you despise her with all your heart, she can't keep the tears in.

— "why? what is it in me that you hate? i haven't hurt you. nor have i have done anything to make you upset. and i don't want to do either of those things but I have to. I'm sorry. I'm *so* sorry.."

— she'd then begrudgingly kiss your forehead before turning on her heel and leaving you in utter and complete darkness. empty. a void consuming all and perhaps you aswell.

IDEALS: what kind of future do they have in mind for / with their darling ?

— she just wants you to love her, nothing else. she'd be content with just being with you. alone. out of this highschool. out of everyone's reach. just you.

JEALOUSY: do they get jealous ? do they lash out or find a way to cope ?

— she's insecure of herself, so she would get jealous. but not that much. yes, she'd feel a pang of scalding jealousy if you smiled at another person but truthfully, she'd just try to brush it off and gently guide you away from that person.

— she wouldn't lash out, no, but she would try to sabotage your relationship with that person.

— "you don't understand. they are not your friend! they're going to backstab you, they're a liar. i know it's a hard pill to swallow, but you have to. I'm there for you and I'll always be."

KISSES: how would they act around / with their darling?

— with you, her heart would knock against her ribs and a warmth would scorch through her. she's never felt this way with anyone before and therefore would be quite nervous.

— mostly, she'd be normal; listening to you intently, making sure you're alright, etc. but, as i mentioned before, she wouldn't be that affectionate due to her fears.

LOVE LETTERS: how would they go about courting or approaching their darling ?

— she'd do small things; like, smile at you, gently fix your collar, intertwine your fingers with hers, etc. still, it'll all be very subtle.

— also, if you ever want something, expect to somehow find it on your desk the next day.

MASK: are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else ?

— obviously. this bit is self-explanatory.

NAUGHTY: how would they punish their darling ?

— she absolutely and utterly hates punishing you, it makes her feel like a fucking monster again and besides, she can't bare to see you in distress. she'd be dead rather than do so.

— however, if she really had to, then she would isolate you until you behaved. other punishments are just not her taste, especially physical ones.

OPPRESSION: how many rights would they take away from their darling ?

— depends on how much she trusts you.

— if she doesn't, then most of your rights would be taken away. there's no need for all that, right? you already have her!

— if she does however, then you'd live mostly a normal life, except you can't really have proper relationships with other people.

PATIENCE: how patient are they with their darling ?

— actually quite patient. she'd wait for a very long time when it comes to you. she loves you so, *so* much and wants you to love her, not fear her.

QUIT: if their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on ?

— if you die, she would be dead too.

— the grief would overwhelm her, a howling, crashing, wave of emotions. and it would drown her because she wouldn't get out of the water.

— her tears would come down hot and scalding and raw. why? why? why did it have to be you? it could've been someone else, it could've been her instead even, but you were the one who had to go.

— she'd never see you again. she'd never get to hear your voice again. she'd never get to touch you again. you were gone. fuck, you were gone. her love turned into a lifeless corpse.

— what was even the point of living anymore?

— there was no you, so there was nothing for her to strive for.

— however, if it was an escape, she'd begin to panic, sweat clinging her to skin like a parasite. shit. you escaped..

— would desperately try find you and would probably never give up.

REGRET: would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling ? would they ever let their darling go ?

— oh yes. she'd feel guilt seep into her bones when she sees you upset and or desperate to leave.

— she hates that she has to do this.

— she feels like an awful monster with sharp claws once more. you're supposed to be the love of her life and therefore, she should cherish you but now she's taken away your freedom like a certain slushie-loving psychopath.

— also another reason why she's so horrendously scared of touching you, the guilt is like bile rising in her throat; she can't contain it.

STIGMA: what brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc) ?

— being a heather, she's always felt inferior to chandler. always second. always left aside. but when she saw you, she felt as though she could finally be the best. in someone's life at least. at first, this was a mere fantasy but gently it grew into a full blown infatuation and she had to stalk you, examine your habits, sabotage your social life, and lie to you.

— it's your fault for driving her insane.

TEARS: how do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves ?

— as I stated before, she'd feel terrible about herself. she cannot, and i repeat, cannot stand to see you in pain. it makes her chest physically ache.

— you truly deserve better but she's far too selfish and greedy to let you go.

— she'd definitely attempt to comfort you. i.e hug you, listen to your troubles, reassure you, etc. although she knows that her efforts will be futile.

UNIQUE: would they do anything different from the classic yandere ?

— she'd definitely be more merciful and less violent than the classic yandere.

WIT'S END: would they ever hurt their darling ?

— no. fuck no. she won't. not at any cost, not under any circumstances. maybe she'll lightly punish you but she'll never lay a hand on you. (unless you want her to, that is)

XOANON: how much would they revere or worship their darling ? to what length would they go to win their darling over ?

— she'd do anything. and I mean it. anything. no matter how harsh, how crude, how stupid, how unnecessary it is, she will. you're her salvation. her purpose to live. she'd very obviously revere you.

— you hate someone? next day that fucker would be shamed by the entirety of westerburg. you want an specific pen that's offsale ? she'll somehow get it for you. you want her to kiss you- wait what?she's already yours!

YEARN: how long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

— for a very, very, very long time. she's very patient with you, as aforementioned, she wants you to fully trust her and open up so she proclaim the entirety of her love for you.

ZENITH: would they ever break their darling ?

— no. no. no. never, she does NOT want to break you and if she did, she'd never forgive herself.

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

My (somewhat unhinged) tierlist of Arsène Lupin books and (even more unhinged) thoughts on them

S-tier: L’Aiguille creuse, 813, Le Bouchon de cristal, La Comtesse de Cagliostro, L’Agence Barnett et Cie, La Demeure mystérieuse, La Barre-y-va

A-tier: Arsène Lupin gentleman-cambrioleur, Les Huits Coups de l’horloge, La Cagliostro se venge, Les Milliards d’Arsène Lupin

B-tier: Arsène Lupin contre Herlock Sholmès, L’Île aux trente cercueils, Les Dents du tigre, Victor de la Brigade mondaine, Le Dernier Amour d’Arsène Lupin

C-tier: Les Confidences d’Arsène Lupin, L’Éclat d’obus, La Demoiselle aux yeux verts, La Femme aux deux sourires

D-tier: Le Triangle d’or

My reasonings and thoughts are under the cut because they got exceedingly long and rambly. I started off trying to be sensible but it appears I progressively lost my sanity as I went along, sorry about that. I read the first ones a long time ago so my recollection of those are much fuzzier than more recent books. Also I read them in French so I have no idea what they’re called in English and was too lazy to look it up (this thing has taken me long enough already). Spoilers abound.

In publication order:

Arsène Lupin gentleman-cambrioleur (Arsène Lupin Gentleman-Thief)

This one is awesome, it really got me into Lupin stories in general. At first I was just reading it to practise my French and so that I could understand the references in the Netflix show, but I ended up genuinely getting into it.

(The Netflix show is great, by the way. I now understand why he named his son Raoul, the context behind “Ganimard”, the vibe in general... Assane Diop is really a fantastic modern-day Lupin!)

Getting to hear about smol Lupin pulling off Baby’s First Heist was very cute!

I still think Miss Nelly is one of the more fun “girlfriends of the week” so far, and I like that she showed up in more than one adventure, as a treat. I hope she’s having a good day.

I also like how Maurice Leblanc, the author, is just... there?? He’s just some guy who is there, who Lupin recounts all his adventures to, and then Leblanc writes them and publishes them. Their friendship is adorable, honestly. I too would want to write myself into the story as a self-insert to be besties with the main character, that’s so valid of him.

Arsène Lupin contre Herlock Sholmès (Arsène Lupin vs. Herlock Sholmes)

At first I actually wasn’t that keen on the full novel format of this one, where it’s one large story rather than multple smaller and moderately unrelated adventures -- but I did still enjoy the book! Basically I thought some of the fun was lost because more time is spent building up the larger plot that previously would have instead been time spent on getting to see Lupin doing his usual funny shenanigans. That being said though, in later books I actually do love the full novel format and it works well for more serious adventures, and the delayed gratification of getting to see the payoff to all that buildup is great. Just not so much in this particular novel (or maybe I need to reread it, it’s been a long time). I still did enjoy it though

The back and forth between Lupin and Sholmès is very fun -- they both take turns outwitting each other, which is nice, because neither is made to feel smarter than the other and they’re very equally matched as far as opponents go. I didn’t even know who I was rooting for some of the time, hehe.

This book was where I first realised that Lupin’s love interests have that “girlfriend of the week” format, because there’s no sign of Miss Nelly here and he’s got a new love interest instead who never shows up again after this. Some girlfriends of the week are more fun or interesting than others. This one was pretty good! I like that she was his partner in crime, helping him out with his shenanigans. I don’t remember much else about her. (Some old-timey sexism is, naturally, to be expected.)

Imagining this Sholmes as the one from the Great Ace Attorney games makes it all very, very funny btw and I highly recommend it

L’Aiguille creuse (The Hollow Needle)

THIS. THIS ONE. OH MY GOD. THIS NOVEL. I SWEAR TO GOD

No really this one changed me. It came into my house and smashed a barrel over my head, killing me instantly. I was in SHOCK when I read it. It kept me on the edge of my seat. I was reading voraciously and near the end I unfortunately had to stop to do life things and the whole time I couldn’t stop thinking about it. At the first opportunity I ditched everything else to sit back down to eagerly read more and finish it as quick as I could. My mouth was hanging open by the end. I was in awe. I had no idea a Lupin novel would make me feel such emotions.

(This one is my favourite, I think.)

So like, here the novel format really shines, because it’s all part of a larger adventure, except this time Lupin isn’t only against Sholmès, he also has to contend with Isidore Beautrelet, who is probably my favourite one-off character in the entire series.

For starters, he’s JUST A KID. He’s this poor little teenager who should be focusing on his school and exams but instead is getting caught up in all this madness, and all this because of his own sense of justice. He doesn’t have to put himself in such danger but he repeatedly does, because his conscience won’t let him just leave it.

And Lupin in this one!!! He comes across as much more of the villain this time!!! He’s actively very menacing at times, which I absolutely LOVED. Usually we’re rooting for him, since he’s the protagonist, and even though he’s a thief he’s very much a Robin Hood-type and incredibly honourable, so we want him to win. But this time!! This time!!! The poor little kiddo Isidore gets just as much “screentime” and attention! We don’t want him to get hurt! We want him to win too! And there’s this brilliant clash of wishes here, where we still want Lupin to get away with his crimes, but we also want to see this plucky kid detective succeed, and the emotional buildup of that is phenomenal.

Especially because Lupin basically agrees with the audience here. He doesn’t want this kid to get hurt, he even ends up reluctantly caring about him because he sees aspects of himself in him! He wants him to be safe! But he also knows that the kid is truly a formidable opponent who can’t just be ignored because of his age, so the question is: how far do you go, to scare him off? What if none of that works? What then? What can you even do that’ll sit right with your own conscience? How much are you willing to hurt a child? How much will you let him be traumatised? Especially one who has come to mean something to you? What can you do when you see him like your own son, yet he only sees you as his enemy?

(Man, can you imagine if THIS had been the conflict in the Cagliostro revenge book? Lupin having to fight against his actual son, but properly?)

The scenes within the actual “aiguille creuse” near the end blew my mind. I think I was shaking when I was reading it. The invitation letter left on the table. The slow climb up the tower. The distant sounds of the police. Everything. Lupin, the ominous, terrifying Lupin, having been one step ahead the whole time.

AND THEN. AT THE END. IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING. BECAUSE SHOLMÈS. SHOOTS. RAYMONDE.

I cannot get over it and I won’t for as long as I live. Lupin was ready to give it all up -- and he did! These treasures he’d spent YEARS amassing, he gave all that up! He was going to stop! He was going to return to a fully honest life! To be with Raymonde, to soothe his own soul! But then Sholmès!! Fucking!! SHOOTS RAYMONDE!!!!

And that’s it, that’s the end!! It has a tragic ending!!! It completely destroyed me!!!!

I mean, Raymonde was an awesome girlfriend of the week, she literally shot Lupin himself earlier in the book before getting together with him, she’s a badass, and for her to just die like that -- and at the hands of Herlock Sholmès, of all people!!!! What the hell!!!!

813

Another favourite. Absolute banger of a book. You go into it thinking “who names a book ‘813′ lmao what even is that” and then it proceeds to rip out your heart and soul and eat them in front of you.

First of all, I had been hoping, wishing, praying that a girlfriend of the week would turn out to secretly be evil. And voilà! Here we have it! And it’s so good!

Seriously, Dolorès was already fairly good as a gf of the week, but when the reveal happens, ALONGSIDE LUPIN ACCIDENTALLY KILLING HER AT THE SAME TIME, god that really got me. That was INSANE.

This whole thing was tragic as hell, in fact. Lupin ending up leading to the deaths of three people when he usually prides himself on never committing murder, it really shatters his own sense of self-trust and it’s no wonder he tries to kill himself at the end. Like, he accidentally kills one and then desperately tries to save the others, in vain, and has no one to blame but himself.

Not only that, but his flaws are on full display in this novel, which, THANK GOD. Look I love him being the mastermind thief who’s a genius and always on top of everything ever, but this time we get to actually see through that to the man beneath the mask. It’s grittier, it’s darker. He isn’t perfect. He can’t control everything. And god, does he try because he is Arsène Lupin and he has to be that larger-than-life gentleman thief, everything has to go perfectly. But in this book things go wrong, it spirals out of control, he can’t handle it, he loses patience, he loses his mind. He can’t see that the villain is the woman he loves, who was right in front of him the whole time.

And then there’s that. You know. Geneviève. Hecking Geneviève.

This made me feral, I tell you. I picked up on the hints very early. I guessed it was coming. And it made that reveal at the end SO INSANELY GOOD.

The way he kept visiting, only wanting the best for her, trying to move around the threads of her life like a puppet on a string, and Victoire calls him out on it because -- he can’t do that! He keeps trying to control people, convincing himself it’s for their own good, but it all falls apart because he can’t accept the fact that not everyone wants what he wants! Sometimes it’s better to leave well alone!

And he learns this with Geneviève before it’s too late, thankfully, deciding to leave her be and not to interfere with her life, and even though he was going to tell her the truth he just can’t bring himself to because it’s such a selfish wish when she’ll be better off not knowing, not having her life ruined like that in a time period where there’s much more judgement on these things, and she’s already perfectly happy taking care of the children at her school, he sees how happy she is... and as he breaks down into tears, Victoire finally asks him, is Geneviève his daughter, and he says yes... god... that’s his fricking daughter...

I’d guessed it so early on and the final confirmation was just. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. That’s his DAUGHTER. And she’ll never even know. I’m going emo just remembering it. I literally cried over this. The Cagliostro revenge book wants what 813 has.

(Also, his friendship with Victoire is always so heartwarming. Well, I say “always”, but it’s angsty too, because she’d much rather live an honest life, but she loves Lupin too much to ever betray him or refuse to help him. The fact is, she’s like a mother to him. They’re family. And the way she actually did stick up for Geneviève so much when Lupin was trying to heck around with her life... did she guess it from early on too?)

There’s also that morbid, dark, macabre scene where this guy tries to hang himself... it was written so well, it wrecked me. The lead up to the moment, him falling unconscious, Lupin cutting him down and putting another dead body in its place, and then the guy wakes up and sees what he believes is his own corpse hanging there and he starts to believe he’s losing his mind or having an out-of-body experience as he’s dying, and Lupin using it to manipulate him into working for him, so he could control him like a puppet, the way he was trying to do with his own daughter too, and in the end the guy dies anyway, and Lupin almost kills himself too because he can’t bear the weight of everything his actions have led to... Do you understand just how feral this makes me??? This exquisite angst??? This shocking darkness????? I was NOT expecting anything like this from a Lupin novel and it was like being repeatedly stabbed in the most amazing way possible

In fact I’m skimming back over the hanging scene and my gOd it’s even more amazing than I remembered -- Lupin telling the guy he’s giving him one more chance and to choose between life and death, and he holds him at gunpoint, and the poor guy picks life!! He picks life!! His near-death experience traumatised him!!! But in order to live, to take the place of the corpse, he has to resemble him, so he must chop off his own finger, and he’s terrified but Lupin makes him do it!!! It’s insane!!! And even Lupin on the inside feels so disturbed at everything he’s had to witness this evening, everything he’s had to do!!! AaaaAaAaaaaAAAAAAAAA

Le Bouchon de cristal (The Crystal Stopper)

One more banger. This one was just amazing. (I call these three the trilogy of bangers, because they are. Well, angst bangers. There’s a trilogy of comedy bangers later.)

The pace in this one was more frantic. Or maybe that was because I read it so fast? A lot of it blurs together in my mind, I should probably reread it at some point...

But anyway: I love, love, LOVE in this one that for most of the book, Lupin is losing. He’s constantly being outsmarted by an extremely formidable foe and is scrambling to catch up. We’re used to Lupin being the one doing that to others -- and he’s used to it too! He hates feeling so powerless! It’s fantastic just how vulnerable we get to see him!

The plot of poor little Gilbert being falsely accused of murder, and desperately begging for his boss to save him before his execution, and Lupin doing his damndest to get this poor kid freed in whatever way he possibly can and being thwarted at every possible opportunity, it’s SO good. I love Gilbert so much. He has so much faith in his boss and Lupin does not want to let him down. (I also loved that Gilbert’s lawyer has so much faith in his innocence too to the point of crying over it and desperately trying to convince other people, I thought it was very sweet.) And the fact that he does manage to save him in the end makes me so happy.

The adventurey stuff with the villain Daubrecq was good too, if somewhat convoluted at points. He’s a genius, a creep, absolutely terrifying, absolutely brilliant, and constantly one step ahead. Every time you think Lupin’s got him, it turns out to be part of some overarching plan and he’s outwitted you once again. It’s so wild. It happens so often I was almost getting tired of it by the end, haha. But what an end!! The paper turning out to be hidden literally in his glass eye! It had been there the whole time! the madlad

Clarisse was pretty cool too. I like that she cared so much about her son, and I’m obsessed with how she just straight-up ditched Lupin at the end. Iconic. She’s so valid lmao I’m such a hoe for characters turning people down

No because a lot of the times, his GOTWs (girlfriends of the week, I cannot be bothered to write it out in full every time) will die at the end somehow, or turn out to be evil so he doesn’t like them anymore, or they’ll just never be mentioned ever again so they presumably split offscreen because Lupin has attachment issues or whatever. But Clarisse just wasn’t even into him? Or at least, she was, but there was never any chance she’d actually go for him, since she doesn’t like thieves, and Lupin just had to deal with it. Good for her! Honestly! And good on Lupin for going for a milf this time -- usually his GOTWs are hot single ladies but it’s nice to know that he’s into older women and mothers too I guess

And the contrast between Daubrecq and Lupin, who both like Clarisse but go about it in different ways -- Daubrecq blackmailing her into marrying him and trying to guilt trip her into kissing him by threatening her son, while Lupin just leaves her alone at the end because he clearly understands the meaning of the word no (at least in this book *cough*) and isn’t interested in getting with someone who isn’t interested back... good boy Lupin, good

Les Confidences d’Arsène Lupin (The Secrets of Arsène Lupin)

I... don’t remember this one. Like at all. I definitely read it, but...

Looking back at the chapter list I think it was just a bunch of mini-adventures like the first book, which is cute. I have very vague recollections of some of them and those recollections are pleasant. I’m sure I enjoyed it I just can’t remember lol, it clearly didn’t leave enough of an impression on me

L’Éclat d’obus (The Shell Shrapnel)

And now we reach the first of the “Not Actually A Lupin Novel” books. Like, this is clearly just an original work. It doesn’t have the same tone or style or even genre as the other Lupin stories. And there’s also the fact that LUPIN ISN’T IN IT. Oh sure, he’s offhandedly mentioned once, for all of about two paragraphs. But not only does he not even make a physical appearance, those few little paragraphs were added in a later edition of the book. The original just didn’t have him mentioned at all. Like, I cannot stress enough how much this is NOT a Lupin novel. Not in the slightest. They will tell you it is, but they are lying.

Buuuuut I still read it anyway, so here are my thoughts :D

I’m not a fan of gritty war novels, but that being said, I didn’t dislike it. I think it was well-written and the story and mystery were good, despite the fact that it’s clearly and obviously WW1 French propaganda with no effort whatsoever made to hide it. I also liked the characters and their motivations etc, though I think it would have been cooler if the girl’s mum really was bad after all, rather than it actually being a misunderstanding. Or whatever the plot was. I don’t remember it clearly enough now.

Diversity win! The evil war general that killed you father is genderfluid!

Okay lmao but seriously, I like that the villain was just this irredeemably evil girlboss. Like, good ol’ Dolorès was the villain in 813 but she was pretty conflicted and torn up about it and suffering from mental illness and clearly a sympathetic character. But this war general lady? A true evil girlboss and I stan. There’s no “oh but she’s a ~woman~ so she’s all ~weak~ and ~soft~” as was typical for the time period, they’re just like “nope she is straight-up evil and also terrifying and god she needs to be shot asap”. And then she gets shot. Brill.

(I mean, I’m not knowledgeable about the historical and social context of WW1-era Europe so this could have been a “look how scary and evil these German ladies are, not like our sweet and soft and feminine French ladies uwu” but I have no idea.)

Also, despite being a war novel, I like that it doesn’t glamourise it much and does show the brutality and horrors of trench warfare and how it ruins people’s lives, even people who you think of as “heroes”. Probably helps that it was written while the war was still going on.

Oh and the main couple were pretty cute. I don’t even remember their names now but yeah they were cute.

Le Triangle d’or (The Golden Triangle)

Another “Not Actually A Lupin Novel” novel, though at least Lupin does actually show up and do some stuff this time. Not much, but he’s there and mildly plot-relevant.

That being said... I did not enjoy this book. Sorry. I’m sure it was very good and a lot of people loved it, but not me.

The main character annoyed me. A lot. Idk man, I just didn’t like him. I also didn’t like his love interest -- she felt very flat and the two of them didn’t even have any chemistry. It was flatter than a piece of paper. I was hoping they’d both die tbh lol

The torture scene was raw as hell, I liked it. Wait, am I getting a different book mixed up with this one? I think there was a torture scene in an earlier book too but I can’t remember which one... Might’ve been Le Bouchon de cristal? Well whatever, all torture scenes in this series are good because I love it when characters suffer and are put in Situations

Also, I sort of liked the Sims-esque scene of the protagonists getting locked in a house where all the doors and windows are boarded up and they have to starve to death. I mean, I was totally rooting for them to die so that lessened the imapct somewhat and made it significantly funnier than it should have been, but still.

Also it has to be mentioned. This book was written in 1918 and it shows. For its time period it was probably considered quite acceptable, even forward, but by today’s standards... no, it’s definitely racist. It’s nice that Ya-Bon is clearly a good guy and friends with the protagonists (and close friends with Lupin in particular, who deeply trusts him, which was awesome) but uh, yeah. There’s still a lot that comes across today as racist and it makes for quite the uncomfortable read. But, y’know, baby steps, it was good for 1918, historical context and all that, it’s nice that today we can look back and acknowledge the racism in it while still acknowledging that for its day it was better than many of its contemporaries, etc.

L’Île aux trente cercueils (The Island of Thirty Coffins)

The third and thankfully last of the “Not Actually A Lupin Novel” trilogy.

This one was freaking DARK. And CREEPY. And DEPRESSING. I call it the “murder island” book for a reason. There’s something so sinister about thinking you’re going to get to meet your long-lost son but then the kid you think is your son just up and muders like 20+ people in front of you and wants to crucify you and there’s like a cult and... yeah, this one was a bit macabre. I liked it though

THE DOG WAS SO CUTE. I LOVE YOU TOUT-VA-BIEN. YOU’RE ADORABLE. BEST CHARACTER.

I also like that the protagonist is a woman this time. She’s not even some generic #Girlboss, she’s a middle-aged woman with a child and plenty of depth to her! In general, she’s awesome.

I didn’t really like the sort of... inevitability of inheritance sort of thing going on though? Like that if you’re a good person then your children will be good, and if you’re a bad person then your children will be bad... It happens quite a bit in these books and it really annoys me. You are not bound by what other people in your biological family have done, okay, you are YOU, end of. I think it would’ve been more interesting if her son really was evil, tbh. I did like the evil child though I think he was funny

Speaking of funny, the abrupt tone shift when Lupin shows up pretending to be the druid guy gave me so much whiplash. I cannot even begin to describe how much that “Ah ! la barbe !” line felt like a direct punch to the face. It took me OUT. And from then on it’s literally just slapstick comedy. Like, even Lupin himself acknowledges the wild tone change, it’s so bizarre. This is like, a good three quarters of the way into the book too. You’ve already read hundreds of pages of sheer angst by this point and then it hits you with the clownery. Unbelievable. Top tier comedy. Mad.

Les Dents du tigre (The Teeth of the Tiger)

Back to an actual Lupin novel where he’s the protagonist again, hallelujah! Though he’s not really stealing stuff in this one, which sucked, but it was still good. Actually, I remember this one being very weird -- like, the solution to the overarching mystery was just very odd and strange and I’m not sure it felt entirely earned. But still, I did enjoy it.

There was this one scene in particular that was absolutely mind-shattering, it blew me away. I start biting like a rabid animal. It was where Lupin was being hunted by the police so he hid in the walls of the building, but then couldn’t escape without being caught, and he slowly started starving to death and losing his mind and willpower and going delirious, and then when he realised the house was going to blow and that people were going to die, he desperately tried to find a way to escape so he could warn everyone and he called for help but nobody came and he eventually, half dead, managed to get his arm to reach the telephone and then despite literally being in the process of dying he managed to get the warning across, just about! And he succeeded!! Just in the nick of time!!! GOD that bit was too good

Les Huits Coups de l’horloge (The Eight Strikes of the Clock)

This one was interesting, being essentially several shorter stories but all connected to each other by an overarching story, which I really liked -- it’s like the perfect combination of buildup and drama of the longer novels, and the fast pace and fun of the short stories. Like episodes of a TV show. (Later on the Barnett book does it too, and I love that one so much...)

Hortense is one of the best GOTWs, and I think a lot of it is because she actually has chemistry with Lupin beyond just “she’s a pretty lady so he’s into her”? I mean, yes, there’s that too, but the two of them are genuine friends and she’s pretty much his partner-in-crime sidekick sort of person for the most part, which felt like a fresh dynamic, and I really liked their interactions. Sometimes these Lupin romances can get kinda stale but this one was actually good. They felt more like real people than the usual fantasy mushy romance. I know I don’t read these books for their realism, but still, my standards for fictional romance can get quite high...

La Comtesse de Cagliostro (The Countess of Cagliostro)

Oh. Ohoho. OhohoHOhoOhOhHOHoo.

This one is crunchy. I love it.

Usually I’m used to considering Lupin around my age or older but this book specifically takes place in the past, in the 1890s, where Raoul (shush I’m calling him that) is only 20 and god he’s sooooo adorable. Idiot swooning hormonal mess, bless him. I love him dearly. He’s so funny and stupid. Literally all his problems are caused by being a raging heterosexual (for now *cough cough Barnett book*). Silly little cute-pie.

On the name Raoul -- in the first book he used that name when talking about his very first heist when he was 6, and he’s used it multiple times since then, in multiple books. Whether or not it’s his birth name, it does feel like his “true” name to me. Arsène Lupin feels like more of a stage name or something, the larger-than-life gentleman thief, while Raoul is the man beneath that. I suppose it’s reminiscent of the difference between Flynn Rider and Eugene Fitzherbert, really. They’re both him, but in differring ways.

Anyway!! Raoul ghosts his gf to go after this other hot girl, Joséphine, and since she’s evil and doesn’t want him to get caught up in her evil life she tries to keep him away but even though he’s feeling conflicted about the fact that she’s a thief (and the fact that he dumped his old gf so suddenly, poor girl) he’s so horny he can’t stop simping for her and then she gives in and makes out with him and keeps him on her boat so she can snog him whenever she wants and it turns out she’s a yandere?? AND a girlboss who gaslights and gatekeeps??? It feels like a modern day fanfic and I mean that in the positive sense

Seriously, it’s so delicious, all the angst when Raoul realises the truth about Joséphine, who then tries to kill his ex or something since she’s a yandere and she’s super angry... It’s wild. This book is wild. There is so much weird love-hate. It’s glorious. I bet people wrote smut about it.

And then at the end, he gets back with his ex and marries her and they have a kid but then she dies and THE KID GETS KIDNAPPED BY JOSÉPHINE???? Even at the time I predicted half the plot of the later Cagliostro vengeance book almost immediately, guessing that she’d try and raise the kidnapped son to turn against his father or something sufficiently angsty like that, and I wasn’t exactly wrong. GOD.

La Demoiselle aux yeux verts (The Damsel with Green Eyes)

I... didn’t much care about this one, tbh. The GOTW didn’t feel like a real person, just a bunch of traits slapped together to make a hot lady love interest. Honestly I’m not really that into the books which are just mushy love stories where Lupin saves his damsel in distress a bunch of times. He’s supposed to be a thief! Let him steal!

Like seriously, I think he had more chemistry with the blue-eyed English woman at the start than with... god I don’t even remember her name. The love interest. He didn’t even KNOW her, and even when he thought she was a murderer he was fine with kissing her like 5 minutes later (tho um dude you should probably ASK HER FIRST, come on man)... Hello, did la Cagliostro teach you nothing???

Anyway the mystery was okay, there wasn’t much fun adventurey stuff, I didn’t care about the romance, worst GOTW. All in all a mid book.

That being said it did have this one epic scene -- you think all is lost and there’s this long buildup, this brilliant long buildup, and the guy opens the piece of paper and there’s the drop: “Marescal est une gourde.” (”Marescal is an idiot.”) Flawless. I laughed so hard. I love that scene. Lupin’s such a troll sometimes.

And also after the end how he continues to constantly troll Marescal with the “Un peu de feu ?” thing, it’s not only hilarious, but the fact that it’s implied he’s doing it for years afterwards, overlapping with other books like 813! So while all the angsty heckery of 813 is going on, at some point or another, he’s trolling Marescal in the background! Continuing to gaslight and torment him! Absolutely fab, I can’t get over it.

L’Agence Barnett et Cie (The Barnett & Co. Agency)

GOD TIER BOOK. GOD TIER. (Excuse me in advance, I’m gonna be a little unhinged for the next few books.)

Okay so this one is another one where they’re short stories, but completely connected to each other so you still get that overarching plot. Except this time? This time it’s super light-hearted, all the way through, and it’s perfect. I love this one to pieces. I’d say this one is the funniest.

Firstly it’s because Lupin (who’s going by the oddly English name “Jim Barnett” here lmao) is LARPing as a detective now and he is clearly having so much fun. Like he tells people his services are free, but after he’s solved the case he just steals from them. He literally just robs them. It’s so funny

The mysteries are pretty good too, and solved in an interesting manner. I always love hearing the Poirot-esque explanation at the end it’s awesome

But most of all this book is great because of BÉCHOUX MY BELOVED. Béchoux best character. Ganimard wants what Béchoux has. This is like a platonic, reversed, comedy version of the Cagliostro angst and I’m so here for it. Actually, did I say platonic? Make that ambiguously platonic. Lupin, former raging heterosexual, is entering his bi era and you know what, good for him. Good for him.

Okay but seriously, these two are besties, worsties, boyfriends, exes, married and divorced all at the same time. It’s like Looney Tunes. They keep breaking up because Béchoux, a policeman, keeps suspecting that his bestie Barnett is actually Arsène Lupin and is stealing from his clients, so he gets mad at him and stops talking to him, then later he’ll come crawling back every time because he needs his help solving a case again and Barnett’s all like “aww babe, I knew you couldn’t live without me <3″ oh my god it is so gay.

They even start tutoie-ing each other (using informal pronouns) because Béchoux did it once in a fit of anger and then Lupin started doing it as a proof that they’re super close (and probably to mess with him too, he loves doing that) and then Béchoux just... also does it too? Even though he claims to hate this guy and want to arrest him? But he continously doesn’t and instead carries on being his boytoy twink malewife friend and asking for his help all the time??? They’re in love your honour

(All that said, Lupin does go and fuck Béchoux’s ex-wife and it’s implied he did it mostly to annoy Béchoux. Like, that is very much a thing that canonically happens. Béchoux is livid. It’s bloody hilarious. Funniest thing to happen in any of the books hands down.)

On the formal vs informal pronouns thing in a bit more detail: basically in French, the informal you is “tu” but it can be used as “tu (derogatory)” or “tu (affectionate)”. Lupin frequently uses the former on his enemies when he’s fighting them, as a way to show his lack of respect for them, to insult them, to have power over them, etc, and they do it back. But he uses the latter with people he considers close -- Victoire, some of his love interests, sometimes his friends or subordinates. And in this book, Béchoux got mad at him and used tu (derogatory), but then Lupin starts doing it back but affectionate, and then Béchoux..?? also starts using tu (affectionate)???

I have no idea how translations into English (and other languages that don’t have the T-V distinction) conveyed that change in tone but in French it’s fricking awesome. Damn right they’re close and care about each other. It sticks even when they’re mad at each other and it’s the sweetest thing.

La Demeure mystérieuse (The Mysterious House)

I was so pleasantly overjoyed to see that Béchoux was back in this one, I’d genuinely thought he was just going to be a one-off but no! He’s here! And just as tsundere for Lupin as ever! A BOYFRIEND of the week, you could say! Or more like multiple weeks!

Okay but this book was pretty cool, the mystery was pretty cool, and a lot of this one was very very funny. The Van Houben guy was hilarious. The villain was interesting -- for a while I really didn’t know if he was going to be good or bad, because he did save Lupin’s life, and just... yeah it was pretty interesting, though I was mentally punching Lupin in the face like “Get! Your! Jealousy! Issues! Under! Control!”

I do like that Lupin ended up being close friends with Régine. It’s a nice change to see him care about a single and attractive lady without really being into her and genuinely enjoying her company in a completely platonic way. I wish it happened more!

I also love that his GOTW didn’t actually get with him at the end!! Yes she was into him but she said she wanted to remain friends instead, and he accepted that! And then they went on holiday together to hang out with each other and !!! That was so good!!!! So good!!!!!!! I’m such a hoe for that!!!!!!!

Alright but when I was reading the previous book and unexpectedly shipping Lupin and Béchoux to hell and back, I was thinking “well that’s because I’m reading it in the 21st century with a modern understanding and view of the text, the queer subtext surely can’t have been intentional at the time” but then I read this book and I’m like ah... okay no yeah this is just bi. “Il fait de vous ce qu’il veut... et de toutes les femmes d’ailleurs.” “Et de tous les hommes aussi.” That combined with him not ending up with either of the girls, and him and Béchoux getting even closer... well it certainly makes one think.

Also I can’t remember if it was this book or the next one so I’m just gonna put it here but at one point he called Béchoux “délicieux” (three guesses what that translates as) and like... I can’t be certain that he’s never described other guys like that before because I can’t remember, but he DOES frequently describe his girl love interests like that! Very frequently, even! With openly and unambiguously romantic connotations! I just... is this supposed to be read as flirting? Is this just me reading it in 2023, or did people in 1928 catch it too? Am I going mad??

La Barre-y-va (The “place-where-the-current-reaches”?? idk how to translate this one, it’s a place name so maybe I’ll just not bother)

It got gayer. I loved this book. Very fun. Good mystery. All that jazz. Now back to the queer stuff because oh boy.

First of all half the time Raoul (yes he’s back to Raoul again) is calling Béchoux by his first name, Théodore, instead, which is... really something. Also Béchoux just inexplicably had a key to his flat even though no one’s meant to know where Raoul lives. It’s never explained. Like Béchoux why do you even have that. And then he invites Raoul to stay with him on his holiday (oh my god they were roommates). Raoul also said he had constantly been thinking about him and compliments him profusely in a physical sense in a way that maybe sounded different in 1931 than it does today but it sure does seem different with a modern eye and they’re just. There’s a lot.

(There’s also this quick little “oh you’re totally like a brother to me”  that never came up again which made me laugh so hard. It’s like the Sailor Moon English dub cousins thing. Like lmao who is buying this. Nice try.)

Also at one point while Raoul’s dancing with joy he grabs Béchoux and puts his arm around his waist and spins him around and lifts him in the air. No I am not making this up. His GOTWs are literally watching and cheering them on. Oh yeah, Raoul has a polycule this time btw

In fact Béchoux gets a GOTW too this book! And Raoul interrupts them just as they’re about to kiss, if that didn’t make things obvious

And there’s more -- Béchoux’s GOTW turns out to be like mildly evil and also already married and Béchoux gets mad and leaves her, and in the meantime Raoul gets dumped by both his GOTWs because they don’t want to be in his polycule anymore, then Fate or Destiny or whatever makes him go to a certain place and he sees that Béchoux now has his own polycule with his mildly evil GOTW and her husband -- and Raoul is so pissed off he grabs Béchoux by the arm and drags him outside, all the while complaining like “how could you be going out with those criminal peasants when I’M right here and so much better than them?? I need to save you from yourself” (I’m not making this up I promise) and it’s super ridiculous and it’s like he doesn’t even know how to deal with his own emotions, so he just KIDNAPS BÉCHOUX and stuffs him in his car and drives off with him and Béchoux’s complaning that he doesn’t have any time off from work for this and Raoul says he’ll sort it out and that he’ll buy Béchoux new clothes and a toothbrush or something and IT’S SO WILD. HOW WAS THIS EVEN WRITTEN. IT’S NOT EVEN SUBTLE ANYMORE. PLEASE TELL ME I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE SEEING THIS. MON DIEU. THESE BITCHES GAY. TANT MIEUX POUR EUX. TANT MIEUX POUR EUX.

La Femme aux deux sourires (The Woman With Two Smiles)

*Megamind face* No Béchoux?

Sigh... my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined. Welp, anyways, moving on...

Raoul you fucker. No I’m serious -- he’s a fuckboy now and I hate it. (Not that he wasn’t already, a lil bit...) I can excuse stealing from people but I draw the line at kissing someone when they told you not to and clearly doesn’t like it and also lying to your harem of a million girlfriends.

Zero chemistry between him and his GOTW(s). In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s like anti-chemistry. I don’t even like her very much but I still think she deserves better. Raoul you should’ve just stuck with Princess Olga. She was right to dump you though and her husband yelling at you was hilarious

Also there’s some new policeman guy but it’s not the same... I just want him (Béchoux) back 😔...

That being said, the book did pick up later on and get better, and the plot twist was actually pretty cool. So was the meteorite thing. Was it a ridiculously ridiculous coincidence? Yes, but it doesn’t beat out the ridiculous balloon dropping a rope in the exact right place thing from one of the earlier books so it’s fine.

Also, these books are getting bolder as time goes on? I noticed more and more harsh language used, and very strong implications of sexual assault (previously I’d say the closest it came to that was Le Bouchon de cristal, which didn’t go quite that far). It’s not necessarily darker, because nothing can beat 813 in that regard, but it does feel “edgier”, especially coming directly after a trilogy of light-hearted adventures.

Oh!! And he totally does joke about being bi in this book so I will choose to believe it. When his GOTW mentions being jealous that he’s in love with someone else, he pretends she’s talking about his (male) sidekick first. And then later when he talks about how everyone keeps falling in love with him, he rattles off the names of a bunch of people including male characters and god why wasn’t Béchoux in this book dammit could you imagine--

Victor, de la Brigade mondaine (Victor, of the Vice Squad)

No thoughts. Head empty. Utterly gobsmacked. Flabbergasted. Speechless.

No but this one started off so slow, and it was so little about Lupin and I didn’t think much of Victor, it was all just a lot of convoluted and repetitive investigation and every side character is cheating on their spouse in a middling stale soap opera way so it didn’t exactly captivate me...

But then Victor starts playing 4D chess, and that’s where it gets good. And I thought, oh, I have to play 5D chess in order to see where this is going. Maybe even 6D chess. I have to consider all the possibilities. AND THEN. I GET COMPLETELY BLINDSIDED BY LUPIN PLAYING 10D CHESS. RIGHT AT THE END.

My god, I was so shook I couldn’t even speak for several minutes. I’m not even going to say the exact details because I don’t even want to spoil it. I have to reread this one at some point and see what it’ll feel like now, knowing what I know. I know the first half is boring af but that payoff... god, that payoff. A work of art.

Also, the name “Beamish” is so funny to me for some reason. Is that what French people think English surnames sound like? I mean, I don’t doubt that there is probably someone out there with that surname, and it certainly does sound English, but it also made me cackle like an idiot every time I read it. Like oh yeah that’s that English bloke, Beamish. BEAMISH. Why is it so funny to me

La Cagliostro se venge (The Countess of Cagliostro gets her revenge)

I liked this one. I thought it was going to shred my soul to ribbons but it actually ended up being surprisingly wholesome and nowhere near as angsty as I was expecting. Like, the beginning of the book even TELLS you it’s gonna get angsty, really building it up, ominous, like the opening to a horror movie, with all this “these poor happy characters have no idea of what they’re about to go through...” and then... Well, there’s death alright, but overall the book was just... fine. It wasn’t that dark lmao, no shocking angstfest

(And that’s not a bad thing! It was actually quite a pleasant surprise!)

Joséphine is dead in this one, which was sorta disappointing because I thought it would be fun (if very traumatic) for Raoul to see her again, but I do love that his reaction to finding out that she’s dead was “OH THANK GOD, I FRICKING HATED HER.” So iconic.

The thing about Félicien being his son... I do love that he swings between lowkey disliking him and suspecting him, and being proud of him in a “hell yeah that’s my boy!!” way, and he’s so awkward about being a dad and doesn’t even know if he’d be a good one, and in the end doesn’t even tell Félicien. It doesn’t have anywhere near the emotional impact or angst of Geneviève from 813 imo but it’s still pretty fun.

AND THEN THERE’S ROLANDE. She’s not a GOTW but she is one of the best Lupin girlies of all time. The fact that she managed to trick literally everyone, AND got her revenge on the bad guy without Lupin’s help or even knowledge, outsmarting him, masterminding the whole thing behind the scenes... She’s so cool. Rolande you’re so freaking cool. What an absolute ledge. Definitely one of the stand out parts of the book. I need to reread it at some point and focus specifically on her rather than being distracted by the Félicien stuff because WOW.

Les Milliards d’Arsène Lupin (The Billions of Arsène Lupin)

Oh my god I am trying so hard to recall what the actual plot of this book was because the only thing sticking in my brain is THE SCENE WHERE BÉCHOUX FOUGHT A TIGER. HE FOUGHT A FUCKING TIGER WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??? WHAT EVEN WAS THAT??? AM I DREAMING??? DID THIS HAPPEN??? BÉCHOUX LITERALLY FOUGHT A LITERAL TIGER???????????

Okay but Béchoux being back was such a lovely surprise. He was quickly mentioned as being Lupin’s enemy, to which Lupin was immediately like “no the frick he isn’t???” and then he actually shows up, and Lupin is calling him “policier de mon cœur” and “Béchoux de mon cœur” and hitting on him... I’m not making this up. He literally calls him that. Like canonically. In the text. Openly.

And Béchoux is trying to catch him again and still does help him but also betrays him and LUPIN SETS A TIGER LOOSE ON HIM. IT’S UNBELIEVABLE. MONSIEUR LEBLANC HOW DID YOU EVEN THINK OF THIS, I JUST WANNA TALK

OKAy tiger aside, Béchoux aside...

I liked Patricia, I thought she was a really cool GOTW and has a great investigative streak, which was nice, although it would have been nicer for her if she could get on with that investigation without getting sexually assaulted every five minutes. Like seriously, what was with the creeps in this book? Leave her alone!!

Also her son is adorable and very cool. I wanna be like “are ya winning son?” at him.

Also there was the mafia. Lupin fights the mafia.

I’m so sorry, I’m really trying to remember other things about this book but that tiger has my entire brain in its teeth right now. She’s the best character. She’s out here living her best life. Here you dropped this queen 👑

Le Dernier Amour d’Arsène Lupin (The Last Love of Arsène Lupin)

(Now I know this one is sort of “unfinished” considering Leblanc didn’t get to fully edit it before he died, and it does feel rough around the edges compared to the other novels, so I’ll take that into account when Judging™ it.)

This one was sooooooo cute! Lupin has made it his life’s goal to help give education and opportunities to underprivileged children and to promote world peace! He’s so wonderfully hopeful and idealistic in this one! He even adopts two children! I guess he finally feels able to be a father, something he didn’t really feel that he could do before with Geneviève or Félicien? At first he was hesitant, not wanting them to see him as their father, but by the end he’s so fond of them and protective over them, they really have become his children and he properly adopts them... Anyway that was all very soft and fluffy and cute.

The children in question, Joséphin and Marie-Thérèse, are the best part of the book. Hands down. They’re so cool, doing all this sneaky spy stuff to help Lupin (or rather the captain “Cocorico” which is such a cute name wtf) and their sibling dynamic is adorable and they’re very brave and smart and are clearly learning a lot on the job. I’m very proud of them and so is Lupin. What an iconic brother-sister duo.

I like Cora, I think she’s cool. Considering the setting of the book is the early 1920s you can already see the shifts in attitude towards the social mobility and freedom of women compared with earlier books, as well as a shift away from strict classism, and Cora feels somewhat more “modern” in that sense -- she wants to be friends with who she wants, she doesn’t care for what appears “proper” or “respectable” to high society.

That being said I had absolutely zero interest in her love story with Lupin. I’m so sorry but it was just so boring. Their love for each other could have been platonic and it wouldn’t change a single thing and would have fit a lot better, in my humble onion. Seriously, for a story literally called “Le Dernier Amour d’Arsène Lupin” I sure don’t care about said amour. Bro, you’ve already fallen in love a million times, this one is no different, she’ll be gone in a year or two just like the rest before her, she’s too young for you anyway, like who even cares at this point...

(Also, once again, can the GOTW go five hecking minutes without some creep trying to sexually assault her?? Like I know casual sexism is to be expected from books written so long ago but damn... I’m glad the kids got revenge on Carbett for her.)

It was fun to see the kids talking in more modern-sounding French and more slang, rather than the very Belle-Époque vibes the books usually have, that was pretty cool and really did cement the fact that time has passed and this truly is the LAST book.

The mystery wasn’t that great and the climax felt underwhelming, but tbh I’ll chalk that up to this manuscript being essentially a draft, since I’m sure it would’ve been more exciting and interesting had Leblanc had the time to rework it. All in all a nice end to the series though!

[rayssion]

Look guys, I need help with my life.

These days I'm torn between continuing the fanfic I'm currently writing (it's drarry btw), abandoning it completely and start a Jegulus fanfic, drop both of them and focusing on Tumblr, or lighting a little of my heavy tbr list (honestly, I got the feels for some literature)?

Lat me give a rough summary of the drarry book I'm writing:

After so many years Harry finally meets his school rival again, this time as mature grown ups with kids and a teaching position. Harry never wanted to fill the missing staff teacher, but owing McGonagall a lot drove him into accepting the letter. During strange patterned raids of rebellion, heavy auror duties and his son, Harry realises that the solution of his problems lays within Malfoy's hand, curious whether he'll afford his help or not.

The book pretty much focuses on Albus and Scorpius too, their feelings, assumptions and fears as they participate actively in their parents emotions.

Also I've been in a writting slumber for YEARS and English is not my first language, so I'm really lazy and barely motivated to write the book. Only figured like 7k words till now.

So!

Either I continue writing it.

Or abandon it and look for another plot and start writing Jegulus.

Or just leave them to Tumblr.

Or focus more on the books I'm desiring to read (literature).

A little side note that my school started online lessons for like three weeks now and I haven't attended once. Not to mention that I never opened a book since the start of this semester, so I'm pretty fucked up.

But I'm not putting it in the options so no one bullys me into studying♡

[linalilia]

[meet the prisoners!] prisoner 001: miyagawa akio

oh god we're really doing this.

so yeah, remember when i said that i actually have milgram ocs? i'll start posting them now!

here's our first prisoner! his design looks a bit boring, i know, but i think it fits him well! sorry for making him look like mikoto's long lost brother i wanted him to have that "basic anime protag" vibe, if you know what i mean. though his personality is not like that at all, haha. also i'm sorry if the symbols on his prisoner uniform look weird, i'm still trying to figure out how to make them look good and i can't see them that well even though i use references 😔

also, some notes: this story happens before the events of canon milgram project + novel (yes, i know the plot of the novel but i'm not sure where to read it in english, i'm sorry!), so es isn't the guard yet. this time milgram prison has not one, but TWO guards and both of them are polar opposites of each other. one of them wants to vote everyone innocent and believes that they're actually good people, but the other one thinks all prisoners should be voted guilty and all of them deserve to die for their sins.

this time the prisoners are much less sympathetic than the canon ones because if the canon prisoners are kind of "morally gray".. well, maybe these guys' cute designs will be enough to make people vote them innocent :') i will write their mv descriptions, voice dramas and interrogations as well, though honestly, i feel like i actually could try writing songs for them because i like composing and writing lyrics.. but i'm too lazy for that right now djsjsksk.

also almost forgot to mention, don't take their mv descriptions too seriously (or do take them seriously. i'm not your mom), like, for example, if i mention a character being treated badly by someone in the mv, it doesn't necessarily mean that this thing actually happened. it doesn't mean that my characters are able to lie through their mvs, it's more about how they personally saw their crimes. and considering that a lot of my ocs are very dramatic and they believe that they've done nothing wrong.. yeah, trusting their every word is not a good idea.

and if you guys find my ocs interesting, maybe i'll actually do polls where you can vote them innocent or guilty! and if not, that's okay, i already have canon verdicts for them in mind, so :'D it would be fun to see people choosing something completely different from what i expected though

anyway, you can read this boy's profile under the cut!

General info:

Name: Miyagawa Akio (宮川 昭雄) (kanjis in his last name stand for "temple, shrine, palace" and "river" and kanjis in his first name mean "bright" and "hero")

Age: 16 y/o

Gender: Male

Status: Prisoner 001

Birthday: September 4 (Virgo)

Height: 166 cm

Blood type: A

Image Color: #D5C7E5

Occupation: High school student (first year)

Personality: Akio is a very prideful and arrogant boy who has an extremely high self-esteem. He believes he's innocent and refuses to admit that he really did something bad. Whenever his crime is mentioned, he claims that it wasn't his fault and his victim deserved it anyway. However, he's actually very smart and it's easy for him to fool people and make them believe that he really is a good guy. He claims that he was the best student in his class and he's been getting perfect grades since elementary school. He says that he never had any rivals because he was so perfect, however, it doesn't look like he had any friends either. He also doesn't believe that Milgram is an actual prison and thinks that it's all just for show and even if it's real, he's sure that he will never get executed or anything like that.

MV info:

Which canon Milgram song he would cover: It's Not My Fault

Which DECO*27 song he would cover: Reversible Campaign (i wish i could say that i have a deep reason for giving him this song, but.. i don't have one actually! i just like this song a lot and it's very special to me because if i'm not wrong, it's the first deco*27 song i ever listened to (or at least i have many good memories associated with it) so i thought that it would be a good idea to give it to the first prisoner!)

If he could cover a song by a different Vocaloid producer, which one would it be: Abnormality Dancin' Girl by Guchiry (i do have a reason this time, but i think you'll be able to figure it out yourself :))

His MV description: His MV would have this royal theme/aesthetic, similar to Muu's INMF MV with its whole queen bee thing, however, his video would still feel and look completely different. His MV would mostly have dark/dull colors.. until one specific scene.

His video starts with a crowd of people sitting in a room that looks like some kind of a concert hall and even though it looks beautiful and detailed, it's mostly gray and black. All people look like black silhouettes and don't have any defining features, however, judging from their poses, you can tell that they feel awkward or even anxious. And then, suddenly, Akio appears on the stage while dressed like a king. Even though he's supposed to look unique compared to the silhouettes, his colors are still just as dull as the room's. He smiles and starts singing and while he does so, he appears not just as a king, but as other important figures, for example, a movie star, a popular singer, a president and even a god. The lyrics mention Akio being the only person here who's actually interesting, unique, skilled and talented. The silhouettes follow him around all the time and you can actually see them having bright green eyes, but they show them only when Akio does something cool, for example, defeats an enemy, executes a criminal, etc. Everything goes well until Akio notices that the colors of the MV start becoming brighter and he sees that the silhouettes are not really interested in him anymore and they're following a very bright figure that looks like it's literally made out of light. He starts getting more and more nervous as he sees his loyal followers leaving him. There's a shot of him standing with a glass case full of all kinds of prizes and trophies in the background and the glass suddenly breaks right when he sees that figure again. The glass hurts Akio in the process and one of the silhouettes notices it and decides to check if he's okay. Akio sees that this silhouette's eyes are different and they're not green, but pink instead. He smiles and the MV ends with the "more popular student" being executed by Akio, who got his crown back and right when Akio looks at the pink-eyed silhouette and nods, the colors turn dark again and the lights go off.

His Trailer 1 Voicelines:

"My name is Miyagawa Akio. You two.. You two are not much older than me, right? So why the hell do you even have a right to judge us for our crimes? Honestly, I'm the one who deserves this right more than anyone else here."

"He really doesn't know his place, does he? So annoying.. Hey, can you help me out with something? Come on, I know you like me."

Trivia.

He sees himself as innocent and hopes to get a verdict like that as well.

He didn't commit any other crimes except murder and he claims that he had only one victim.

He's secretly embarrassed of his height and wants to grow taller.

He's very proud of being popular with both guys and girls from his school.

He's not really close with any prisoners except Prisoner 009, who's only one year older than him and was quite a popular student as well. Prisoner 002 wants to become friends with him too, but he keeps ignoring her and finds her annoying.

You can think of him as Haruka's "foil" or simply his opposite because of them both being the first prisoners, but having completely different personalities. Haruka constantly apologizes, believes that he brings misfortune to other people and he's not the smartest guy here, meanwhile Akio really was the best student in his class, he never apologizes and takes his words back and he believes that he's better than everyone else. They're also almost the same age, though Akio is one year younger than Haruka.

Even though Akio and Muu's videos (we're talking about the second one) have a similar theme, they feel very different. No matter how much Muu claims that everything is not her fault, she still appears as a monster in her MV and she constantly says how pitiable she is (i am NOT going with the official eng translation) and even if she's a "bad girl", she still asks to forgive her. Akio doesn't feel like that at all and he really does believe that he's innocent and he also doesn't see himself as a monster or any other scary creature, HE LITERALLY SEES HIMSELF AS A GOD. He never asks to forgive him because he thinks that people will do it even if he doesn't ask.

His crime is pretty easy to solve compared to the other prisoners. I wanted to make it more complicated at first, but then I thought that it makes sense for a first prisoner to have a crime that's not as mysterious or difficult to solve as other characters' murders.

[bbina]

i fckng hate second chances with every fiber of my being and every living cell in my body. once its over, its over. if u fckd up IMMEDIATELY ✂️✂️✂️ i hate it when a characters get second chances after fckng it up real bad like NO U DO NOT DESERVE ANOTHER CHANCE AND OTHER MC ALSO DOES NOT DESERVE TO RISK GETTING HURT AGAIN

on the contrary tho, for btl, i do think yn should get another chance? is it another chance? well, wonbin didnt really give her a chance to explain herself, he went ahead of himself and created assumptions. and i know that every one says yn is the problem cus had she not offered the fake dating set up this wouldnt have happened BUT wonbin had no problem agreeing to it so....wouldnt really say yn is the root problem. the root problem is their lack of effective communication skills, emotional management/control and listening skills!!! wonbin im sorry but running away was a stupid af thing to do and i know ur hurt but u literally made assumptions after seeing 2ppl hug. babes ppl can hug platonically, believe me. thats all i have to say. *bows, drops mic and leaves stage*

im sorry for the sudden rant when this discourse was already over like a week ago i could not help it. ive been following u for a while but i am a silent reader and this is my first time sending an ask to anyone here in general. im so nervous. is my english okay? i swear i know proper punctuations but im too lazy to do it rn rip. i just want to say ive never been so invested in an eng au cus i usually read the ones in my native language cus THEM ANGST HIT DIFFERENT BRO anyway, i love ur writing sm <33 makes me wanna start writing again as well if it werent for my busy af shed (graduating student things). cant wait for the next updates ✨️🫶🫶

but the angst material is tew gewd don’t you think? second chances trope is nice and all if done right 🤪 maybe some groveling here and there and viola! perfection

most valid btl theory ive seen 😫 they’re both dumb 🤝 and did mistakes,, (yn made a bigger mistake tho) but point still stands

nah ur sudden rant about the week old discourse is perfectly okay. any rant about btl is 👌 cus im curious on how each person takes in the story and seeing a bunch of different reactions is what keeps me going 😫🤝 AND AGAIN IM HONORED TO BE ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE YOU SENT AN ASK TO 🙏 your english is great!!!! thank you so much for reading!! and i hope whatever i put out or something makes u want to go back to writing 🙏 i myself is a graduating student too but i still find the time to insert my hobby which is this because i love it so much and its honestly my stress reliever (contrary to popular belief i write more eloquently when i’m either stressed or having a headache idek why lol maybe it gets my brain juice all worked up)

[wildflowers-inthemeadow]

seen on @absolutebl 's blog and I liked it so much, I wanted to do it, too.

15 questions

are you named after anyone?

As a matter of fact, yes. Some actress. My Mom saw my name in a magazine and instantly liked it.

2. when was the last time you cried?

Happens occasionally (usually over fictional gay guys) but I honestly cannot remember the last time it happened.

3. do you have kids?

No, and I intend to keep it that way. Me and kids just don't go well together.

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

Hate sports with passion. Try to avoid if possible. But. I like swimming and dancing and I would like to try archery.

5. do you use sarcasm?

I do enjoy it, on occasion.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their eyes, really.

7. what’s your eye color?

Grey-green.

8. scary movies or happy endings?

Both, but I am a sucker for happy endings.

9. any talents?

I like to think that I am a decent writer. Of short stories. That are fanfiction. Also, I am good with the internet and computers.

10. where were you born?

Good ol' Russia.

11. what are your hobbies?

Photography, walks in the nature, movies, surfing the web, singing, dancing, writing, roleplaying (occasionally), being on the beach.

12. do you have any pets?

No, although I am really, really tempted to get myself a bunny. Or heck, maybe even two (which, as I heard, is good for them).

13 how tall are you?

1,68m. And because we are in Europe here and I am too lazy, I will not research how much that is in feet and inches.

14. favorite subject in school?

Art, English, German. In that order.

15. dream job?

actor or director.

I am tagging, if you feel like it, @blackbirdinthebox @unwinthehart and everyone who is in the mood.

[chaoticaptendyte]

Get to know me :3

Was tagged by @grippysockgang :3

1. Are you named after anyone?

Apparently after a sri-lankan first lady

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uhhh well yesterday afternoon i had a terrible bout of acidity after lunch and everything hurt so bad that tears came to my eyes, does that count?

3. Do you have kids?

Nope, i mean i am only 20. But i want to one day, two kids, I'd love if they're twins too

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Uhhhh not really no, i use it to the normal extent ig

5. What is the first thing you notice about a person?

Hm, damn i people watch on the train everyday and yet i cannot for the life of me tell u this. I suppose the way they're dressed? And then their hands maybe 👀

6. What is your eye color?

Dark chocolatey pools for you to drown in :)

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

I am actually scared of horror so no, not scary movies EVER unless i have someone to cuddle into and can hide my face in their chest okie. Once my friends forced me to watch conjuring, i spent a month thinking my mom's possessed. Happy movies ftw. Forever.

8. Any special talents?

Hmmmmmm, idk lemme see. I think I'm kinda a decent photographer. I can cook well, don't do it often cause college and I'm kinda lazy and my mom does it for us anyway but yea. Oooohhh, I'm the official taster in our family. Anytime anyone is cooking anything and they need to know if the balance is right or something they come to me :3 which is pretty cool, i guess that counts as special.

9. Where were you born?

In an operation room ✌🏻. I was a C baby. Refused to grow any further so they had to pull me out.

10. What are your hobbies?

Um well it's been a while since I've done some of them tbh butttt- cooking, painting(watercolours), writing poems and fanfic and stuff, origami?, stargazing on my roof, doodling(which i do all the time actually), uhm watching shows and listening to music if it counts? There's prolly others too, just can't think of it rn. Ooh reading too, but it's been a while.

11. Do you have any pets?

Nope🥲, I've always wanted a dog though, a little shih tzu or fox terrier. And somehow my feed everywhere is always full of cats. I used to have goldfish but they kinda died extremely brutal deaths 💀💀💀 they kinda got sucked into the water filter cause the suction was too strong and got kinda uh shredded and another time one of the fish kima uhhh ate all the others 💀💀💀 so haven't got anything after that

12. What sports do you/have you played?

Rn i don't play anything, but i used to play pretty much all of em in school- badminton, tt, basketball, throwball, volleyball, football, cricket. Oh and i played pool once tho idk if it counts. Board games too lol.

13. How tall are you?

5'6 ^w^

14. Favorite subject in school?

Science :3 especially physics and biology. But i also loved English just as much tbhhh. Had a phase where i was super into history and geography too and also in like the fifth grade and twelfth i was super into math, like the satisfactionnnn of solving a problem is just *mwa*

Basically I've liked everything at some point

15. Dream job!

Honestly, not having one. That's my dream. I just wanna live in a nice little cottagecore world and bake pjes and cookies and just take care of the house and chill in the farm and look out at the world everyday and be content. If i could I'd love in the 'Anne with an E' world. Or in the hundered acre woods in a treehouse with Christopher Robin <3

This was funn, @astr0-j4y @gamerboyafterdark @alt3r-ego wanna join in?