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ficforce · 4 years ago

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So Cool

Akitaru Obi x Reader SFW No set timeline New relationship

Y/N stared in wonder at the scene in front of her, her cheeks were warm and not only from the heat of the flames. She hadn’t been with Company 8 for long and this was her third or fourth call out with them, she was a second-generation with supporting abilities for others - a buffer. Her heart fluttered in her chest as she watched Obi Akitaru walk out of the burning building with Arthur over one shoulder and Shinra under his other arm. He had run in when the whole building collapsed without a second of hesitation.

His clothing was smoking, and his silhouette made an imposing figure against the fiery backdrop, “He’s so cool…” It took a second for her to get herself back in focus and she ran to her Captain in order to check on the boys over. They were fine, just overheated, she looked up at him in awe, “You’re amazing, Captain!”

“You think so?” He pulled his face guard and helmet off, breathing in the fresh air with a relieved grin, “You really helped out on this one, Y/N. If you hadn’t have boosted Maki’s ability it might have gotten messy in there.” Obi pat her shoulder and headed over to Lieutenant Hinawa, the stoic man confirmed that the fire was under control, then he noticed that Obi was a little flushed and asked after him. “Huh? Yeah…Just… Y/N said I was amazing so…” He rubbed the back of his head bashfully.

Hinawa stared at him for a long second, “Do I need to remind you that she’s your subordinate, Captain?”

“I know, I know…” He glanced back at the woman who was rubbing dirt off Tamaki’s cheek, “It still makes me happy when a cute girl thinks I’m cool - let’s head back.”

Back at the Firehouse, they all headed into the locker room, placing equipment to the side to be serviced and removing their gear. “Y/N! We’re heading for the showers, hurry up.”

“Sorry, I can’t get my jacket off…” Y/N gave the zip pull a violent tug, “The zip is stuck. I’ll catch up, Tamaki,” She waved the girl off and then nearly jumped out of her skin when she turned back to find Hinawa in her space, “Lieutenant?”

He always made her jump when he appeared from nowhere like this. He was the one who scouted her, he approached her in the cafe she had gotten an emergency job in and proceeded to tell her about the awful record she had with the firefighters. Then he had recruited her. “Your zip, do you want help?” At her nod he took hold of the pull and pinched a bit of it to keep it straight, the man gave a hard pull but nothing happened. He took a closer look before stepping back a little, “We’ll pull it over your head.”

They got about halfway up when she let out an awkward sound and stopped him, “Ah, Lieutenant Hinawa, it’s caught up on my clothing inside. I should get one of the girls to help remove it - thanks though.” Y/N wasn’t sure how she would feel about Hinawa seeing her in her bra. He probably wouldn’t care and she was certain he’d probably seen worse but she minded.

“What’s going on?” Obi had taken a call when he got back and had come back to finish changing, “Why aren’t you changed?”

“Zip malfunction.” Hinawa explained, “Her shirt’s caught in it and we can’t budge it.”

The Captain came close to Y/N and took hold of the zip giving it an experimental tug, “There’s a little movement, if we pull it up a little we can probably fix it.” He wriggled the pull part and it gave a little - he gave another tug, all of a sudden it gave completely and her head jerked back as he struck her accidentally. Obi was mortified, he was completely speechless as blood began to pour from Y/N’s nose and then he was apologising profusely whilst trying to stop the bleeding.

— -

He took a final look at his new recruit’s face and sighed, “I’m so sorry, Y/N, I’ve never broken a newbie before.” Obi could see that her face was already bruising under one of her eyes but at least they had set her nose straight again. Y/N had taken it so well, barely making a fuss as he treated her, “I’ll buy you all the ramen you want.” Obi figured she wouldn’t think he was so cool now and he didn’t think he’d ever get over this humiliation.

“It was an accident, Captain,” Y/N wasn’t blaming him, after all, he was so apologetic and he had fixed her up himself, he’d been as gentle as he could as he administered the first aid. Her heart beat a little faster as she couldn’t think of a time she had been alone with him this long or so close, it was a little embarrassing for him to be paying so much attention to her. He still smelt of smoke and sweat, his shirt clung to him and made his every muscle pop, she knew he was fit but didn’t realise how sculpted he was. “I won’t say no to cake instead of ramen though…”

She liked sweet things, he smiled at her and agreed to buy her cake the next time they got a day off. “It’s a date then.”

“A date?”

“Sure,” he helped her up and pat her shoulder, “Head to the showers and get some rest - let Maki know if you feel dizzy later on.”

— -

She hadn’t thought Obi would actually take her out for cake, she thought he would just bring one back but as they walked to a nearby dessert bar, just the two of them, she felt a little nervous. He looked good in casual clothes. The man took Shinra and Arthur for Ramen all the time, this wasn’t any different. Despite telling herself that over and over, Y/N blushed as their hands brushed by chance.

“How are you finding Company 8?” He asked as he opened the door for her and they were pointed to a table to sit at.

“I love it!” She exclaimed and then she sent him a devious grin, “When My Captain isn’t punching me in the face that is.” Y/N watched Obi groan and hide his face for a moment as she giggled, “Seriously though, I’m so grateful you guys picked me up after the regular firefighters sacked me.” She honestly had been so lost after she had lost her job. Her department had been cutting corners, they weren’t maintaining equipment and she had disobeyed orders by going back into a burning factory to save civilian stragglers, she wasn’t quiet about the lack of care from her superiors and had been punished for it. “It’s great that my ability can be helpful to the team and I can walk away from a call with a sense of pride for once…” She took the menu from Obi and then her eyes widened, “Wait… that sounds bad - I mean, it’s awful that we, you know…”

Obi threw his head back and laughed at her, she was so cute as she stumbled over her words and tried to explain, “I get it, Y/N, don’t worry!” He liked being able to walk away knowing they had done all they could, put an infernal to rest, given the family some sort of closure, he tried to make the violent act as gentle as he could for the victims. Her record showed that lives mattered more than her career.

“I just feel a little bad that I can’t help you, Captain.”

The man looked up from the dessert menu and blinked, Y/N was glancing down at her own menu with a nervous little smile that he found endearing. Her abilities only worked on other ignition users and gave them extra firepower for a short time. “I train every day. Not just for me but for the people we help and for my team, knowing that my team can support each other without me is all the boost I need.”

“Captain Obi, you’re so cool.”

He was so happy that he couldn’t help grin, “Enough about that, let me apologise in the form of calories. Hinawa will get them out of you in tomorrow’s training exercise.”

— -

Y/N’s ears were assaulted by explosions, the roar of fires, yelling, boots on the ground, gunfire and through it all she still heard her Captain’s voice yelling her name - searching through her. She could smell the smoke, feel the heat of it over her battered body and when she tried to open her eyes it hurt too much.

It hurt.

Everything hurt.

Trying to take a breath heeded no result, instead, a gurgle and the pressure of the metal beam that has fallen on her was crushing. Y/N didn’t want to die, she was terrified that she was going to die all alone, no one knew where she had fallen after the explosion. Obi’s voice was closer this time and with a rush of adrenaline, she managed to move just a little to get enough oxygen to call back to him.

“Y/N!”

His voice again, somehow clear as a bell through the carnage around them. “Captain…”

“It’s okay, I got you, Y/N.” Obi grabbed the beam and began to lift it, it was heavier than he expected and he struggled to get enough grip, “We don’t leave anyone behind, not on my watch!” The weight of the beam began to lift from her and Y/N was able to take in more oxygen. She coughed on the smoke, gasping as it burned her lungs, there wasn’t enough relief from the beam for her to crawl out yet and she looked up at the blurry image of Obi, he was struggling to lift it - if only she could use her ability on him.

“I’m sorry, Captain…”

Y/N sounded so defeated and Obi knew what she was likely thinking, “Remember what I said, Y/N?” He gave a growl and pushed himself, his muscles protesting as he forced the beam further up and up, “I train every day for situations like this!” A crash of debris deafened her but she was pretty oblivious to anything other than the sight of Obi with the beam above his head, his eyes so determined as he helped her escape from death.

“Captain…!” Y/N threw her arms around him gratefully, “I…I…!” She didn’t know what to say, couldn’t think of a way that would tell him exactly how she felt. “I - I’ll b-buy you all the ramen you want!”

“It’s a date.”

Captain Obi was so cool.

#obi akitaru #reader #fire force #enen no shouboutai

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shinahbee · 4 years ago

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February Favs 2021

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GREETINGS

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March 6. 2021

Hello!

Another month has passed by really quickly, maybe because February had only 28 days.

This month also was lunar new years or Chinese New Year, so happy new year to all of you who celebrate it! Our household celebrated safely with just my family, in previous years we would celebrate with extended families, but of course every one’s safety is important.

There was also Valentine’s Day, which I helped my sister make some cheese tarts for her boyfriend as a gift. I’ve been working on a few things, including art for more of my manhwa recommendations, but I’ll put that on hold for now and work on a few for some recent anime that I have been watching. I feel like I’m winding down when it comes to filtering the shounen ai manhwa, there really isn’t much that I have read currently that I want to really want to share.

There are some of the ones that are popular that I dropped, I named two of them in my last favorites, but there have been a lot more since then, if you’d like I could add another segment under the hell segment that talk about the ones I dropped and why I dropped them, I feel like if someone had similar thoughts to a certain manhwa and why they dislike the content , It would honestly help me filter out a lot of the ones I never really should have read, if that makes any sense.

Not instagram though...it keeps showing me the pictures of manhwa that I dropped ...I’m like omg instagram your algorithm is screwed...I don’t even like these.lol. Thus this is how it thought of the new segment idea. I feel like I’m adding a lot to this segment alone.lol.

So how is everything going for all of you? Anything exciting happening? I’ll keep you guys updated when something good happens, but there is nothing currently. Thank you for taking the time to read my nonsense blabbering.

Enjoy reading!

Sheena

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DRAMAS:

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No dramas this month to talk about.lol.

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MANHWA/MANGA/WEBTOONS:

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Recap:

1) Whose baby is it? (ongoing)

2) Social temperature (ongoing)

3) Salad days (ongoing)

4) To be or not to be (ongoing)

5) Path to you (Completed)

6) Here u are (Completed)

7) BJ Alex (Completed)

8) No way, vampires don't exist (ongoing)

9) Unintentional love story (ongoing)

10) Karasugoka don’t be shy! (Completed)

11) Semantic Error (ongoing)

12) Tied up in Twins (Completed)

13) My Suha (ongoing)

14) Crash into me (Completed)

15) Dine with a vampire (ongoing)

16) Inner beauty (Completed)

17) False memories (Completed)

18) Hand in Hand (Completed)

19) Stanning 101 (ongoing)

20) Private lessons (Completed)

21) Behind the scenes (Completed)

22) Turn off the camera (Ongoing)

Updates on ongoing titles:

So I thought I would start off with some updates on some of the titles in the recap section since it has been a while since I last talked about them.

No way vampires don’t exist:

This is almost done soon so I’m glad that the manhwa updates are consistent, what I didn’t know is that there were extra chapters of side stories for this manhwa, and I discovered them through a Chinese manga site, I really hope the licensed site will be able to translate these as well cause it goes into the later lives of all the housemates and of course an in depth development of juwon and dongha’s relationship which I am living for since they are so cute. Lol.

I really hope these get translated since my Chinese is lacking, I’ve just seen the raws and thought I may be able to read them but of course my 8 years of Chinese school has failed me once again.

Dine with a vampire:

This manhwa is giving me so much gripe when discussing the story so far, the recent update of course was a little better in showing the relationship between chi hwan and sooin, so i’m happy they got their feelings across to each other and sooin was able to really begin to trust people again. BUT....I was spoiled by the raws for this week’s update, and let me give a big F*CK you to that harry potter asshole...I still don’t know his name, i think my memory did me a favor and selectively removed it for my mind. I obviously can’t spoil all of it for you but stuff happens and harry potter has found his way to sooin and basically kidnapped him while he was vulnerable and he’s trying to make him his partner...I’m like...great...In all honesty let’s look at this situation in modern society, think about a person who had made your life living hell, who then dies and you think that’s the end of it , but this asshole still haunts you even after death and still tormenting you...i’m not going to lie, I honestly think I would just kill myself at this point.

I feel like when I first read this manhwa , I thought it was disgusting but I still read it thinking that it will be better, it’s like watching season one of a show and being annoyed hoping that it will get better later and then finding out in season two is just...I need anger management.

I really hope what I think might happen will not but the author seems to be a sadist, so it might end up that way. Props to the creator for making one of the most detestable characters i’ve seen so far. I will watch out for people like this in my actual life.

Semantic Error:

This is updating a little slow and again I tried reading the raws, but of course that didn’t go too well, from what i’ve seen there is a bit of character development between the two main leads so far. Also I’ve seen on twitter that semantic error is going to get a mini anime adaptation, in Korean of course but that is so awesome either way! This is one of the manhwa’s I would like to see an anime of because it’s really good.

In terms of Japanese anime seiyuu who would play these roles I wonder? Sungwoo I feel like anyone can since he’s very ambiguous, but for jaeyoung, I think I’d like to hear sakurai takahiro ( cloud from ff7, miyuki kazuya from daiya no ace) play him, in all honesty it’s because of his role as miyuki in daiya no ace, jaeyoung is basically the same character but more intense.lol.

Turn off the Camera:

Oh this piece of work, i’m glad this is completely satire because if I were to take this story seriously I would have an aneurysm thinking about all the bad choices these people have been making. So recently, our boy jihoon who wanted to protect his virginity from the two co-stars has finally lost it to yoojin, one of the co-stars. I’ve heard a lot of people say they don’t know about him because his intentions are still very unknown, and I agree that I don’t know what his intentions are but from what I've seen, it’s not like he treats jihoon badly, he won’t do anything that jihoon would not like so i’m not opposed to it, but I really would like to see romantic development between jihoon and yohan because of how straight forward yohan is, he isn’t hiding his intentions and says whatever is on his mind, it’s reassuring knowing that there’s nothing he would hide.

Jihoon doesn’t really seem interested but it’s more like that push and pull relationship, where despite him not seeming interested he still had a wet dream about having sex with him...lol. Where as with yoojin, Jihoon does not oppose to having intimacy with him. So we’ll see how this dumpster fire plays out as it continues. I absolutely HATE love triangles cause this whole concept alone is so unrealistic, it’s hard enough to get ONE person interested in me, this dude has like 2 without really doing anything. Also it’s just really messy and annoying to read and I always want to route for the guy who never wins.lol.

This is merely a suggestion, but I feel like authors should make alternative endings with different characters, if you think about this in a realistic perspective, you can end up with different people depending on the decisions you make, which is why harems exist in this genre, because there is not just one person you can love, and how alternative timelines can exist. So if the author would consider this idea and make alternative endings for the main character, then I would feel more satisfied with the story overall, because i’m always wondering what if...he ends up with this person ? What would that be like? This only applies to love triangles where abuse doesn’t happen, because there’s no way I would be happy with an abuse victim ending up with their abuser...

Anyways, that is all the updates that I have for you, in this heaven segment I’m going to talk about some titles that I don’t really think is that popular but I decided to read them after reading the summary and they turned out better than I thought.

In the hell segment, I’m going to be discussing some manhwa titles that are a bit “ quirky” you know in my hero academia where these kids were each born with a super power, seem like some of these manhwa characters also have unique abilities, which I will refer to as “ quirks” in this segment. Let me tell you...there are some interesting ones out there.

So let’s begin.

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Welcome to heaven

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Murderous Lewellyn Candelit Dinner:

“Shevon is a writer who lives in a run-down apartment in the streets of the slums. One day, strange memos start showing up at his front door. Before he can uncover the mystery behind them, he encounters a beautiful young man that keeps peeling onions on the staircase next to his unit. After accepting a dinner invitation from the young man, Shevon discovers a dead body in his host’s bedroom...”

Okay so starting off with this one, it’s very different than the usual types that I would read. This story is more of a mystery drama with implied romance, but I have yet to see that happening in the story so far. It is fairly new so I suppose it will be a slow development. Like the summary for the manhwa says, it is a about a guy named Shevon, who I believe is a writer that is trying to get a job at a writing firm, but he ended up free lancing for a while with no luck of getting a paid job. He was being harassed by an ex boyfriend when he encounters his neighbor that is sitting on the stairs peeling onions. Since that day, Shevon would always run into his neighbor peeling onions while exchanging small talk with him, which makes him curious about why he does this at the same time each day, one day his neighbor wanted to invite him over for dinner and Shevon obliged due to being curious and other advances the neighbor has made to get his attention. As he went up to his neighbor's apartment he noticed that he had a bunch of candles lining every inch of his apartment and there was a very strong smell coming from here. Lewellyn (neighbor) just says that it was the onions that he had been peeling, he wanted to use them for tonight's dinner. Shevon didn’t want to just eat onions...I mean who does. So he told him that he will make him a proper meal instead. So he was in the kitchen making food when the door bell rang and Lewellyn went to check who it was. Shevon didn’t see him for a while and decided to just head back to the dining area, but before he could head there the smell from earlier was getting stronger and he noticed it coming from a certain room, he opened it and there lays a dead corpse surrounded by candles covered in blood. Being shocked accidentally took the candle he used to light up the room and left the room; just as Lewellyn entered he said he had to leave for the day.

After that incident there were suspicious activities involving Shevon’s apartment, such as the name plate on his door being moved, the feeling of being watched when he was alone in the room, and some creepy mail he had been receiving, which all points to the fact that he had a stalker.

Shevon starts to suspect Lewellyn as a murderer because of the obvious corpse found in his apartment, but there was no evidence he could find to report him, meanwhile the stalking had been getting worse he found himself getting more entangled with Lewellyn than he’d like to be.

So yeah, it was really creepy when you read those letters, so far we knew Lewellyn is involved in some sort of murder and although he has been helping Shevon find the suspect he himself is also one as well. It’s still too early to make judgments as to what actually is going on, there’s a lot of mystery behind Lewellyn that isn’t explained yet.

So if you like murder mysteries you might like this manhwa, I don’t see any romance involving them yet, but maybe curiosity will lead to something eventually.

Unripened Expression:

“Jaewon has known that he likes males since he confessed his feelings to a boy named Yoonsung in elementary school, but when Yoonsung tells him that liking other boys is weird, Jaewon tries to hide his "weird" feelings and push them away. Now in high school, he's developed a strong crush on his kind, handsome classmate Karam, and Jaewon decides it's time to finally confront the reality that he might be gay. He asks for advice over the internet and befriends another gay student named Junseo, who becomes Jaewon's emotional support in his quest to win Karam's heart.”

So for this one it was not listed as a harem but it actually is, all the guys you see on the cover is related to the main character so how. I usually don’t like harems in any genre, but this one wasn’t as bad as I thought. Actually every guy in here was a good contender and I was not upset with who he chose in the end even though it would be obvious in the first chapter who he would end up with...lol. and you know me, always picking the “ other guy” in these situations, I really do have bad second lead syndrome.

They guy I wanted him the end up with is named “ junseo ” he’s the gay friend that jaewon the main character met on an online forum while asking questions about his sexuality, they felt comfortable enough to exchange numbers but not give their identity away to each other. Jaewon realizes that from talking to Junseo that he went to the same school he did, coincidently, and found out his identity through his friend. Junseo didn’t want to associate with jaewon but he was really persistent. Junseo then gave up and decided to listen to jaewon whenever he wanted to talk.

Junseo had some trauma in the past involving a ex boyfriend and getting bullied at school when someone found him kissing his boyfriend in a room and started spreading rumors of them together, but instead of just denying it, his ex boyfriend accused junseo of leading him on and that’s why junseo ended up being bullied and shut himself off from people, even though he forced to leave school cause of all the bullying he endured he still understood why his ex boyfriend did that, everyone had to protect themselves first after all.

After opening up to jaewon and telling him his story, jaewon cried because he was sorry he had to go through that. Junseo was happy that someone would cry for him, who had just accepted everything until now. Their time together lead to some feelings developing between jaewon and him but although jaewon is aware he has feelings for junseo, it doesn’t compare to the feelings he had for karam..Which is the guy he ended up with.

Okay. Compared to karam who didn’t have much development, junseo had a much better chance to be perfectly honest. It’s not that I don’t like karam, he just didn’t have much back up story to convince me that his feelings for jaewon is real. Lol

But I guess that’s the trope in these types of manhwa right? The Main character always ends up with the guy that he meets first...OMG. Come on authors ...work with me here and try something different for once. Anyways, it’s all good it’s not like any of them were sexually harassing and/or abusing jaewon so I’m happy with whoever he chose.

If you are into harems with good characters, you might like this one.

Oh! My Assistant: (18 +)

“Naive comic artist Seonho, who draws R-19 series, hires beauty(?)-and-brains Muyoung with outstanding skills to be his assistant. However, working with Muyoung who is too task-oriented and has a prickly temperament, turns out to be a little difficult. Seonho asks Muyoung to pose for him one day to help with a sexy scene, but when he sees how erotic Muyoung's pose is, Seonho's "junior"... that hasn't stood in 2 years, got up. It's hard! It got hard! It finally got hard! This is an unpredictable, comical and chest-tickling BL story brought to you by Milla and Yalgae!”

The first thing that came to my mind was Oh! My goddess... LOL let me know if you guys have ever watched that anime, i’m really showing my age with that comment.

Anyways, so this is about an adult mahwa artist named Seonho and he was getting really popular and needed an assistant to help with his busy scheduled serialization. He held an interview with a couple of selected candidates after viewing their portfolio, and of course muyoung was chosen out of all for his pristine work. Of course there was several conditions that muyoung had listed in exchange to work here, most of which applies to a 9 to 5 job, but of course artists out there know that we make our own time...we don’t have a scheduled work hours, but of course seonho needed a person soon and he liked muyoung’s work so he hired him under those conditions.

Muyoung was actually the heir to a prosperous kimchi making firm and did not need money because he was already wealthy, but his grandmother wanted him to have some independence and so muyoung wanted to look for a normal job to get his grandma off his back. He quickly learns that not everything that you ask for will be complied there are times where you will need to work late for a dead line and such.

This made muyoung wonder if he should just quit, the only reason he doesn’t is because he liked seonho. He liked seonho since he first laid eyes on him as he is exactly his type.

Without realizing it seonho also thought muyoung is attractive and ended up in situations with him that are presumed romantic. In the end, the two of them ended up together, but of course there’s always an inconvenience that disrupts this romantic development, and this came in the form of his best friend, who is by the way married to a woman, but as you know in BL...that doesn’t matter...

His best friend was actually in love with him for a very long time and the marriage was just a family arrangement that he had no say in. He tried to separate muyoung and his seonho by trying to convince muyoung to quit several times and even got into an accident and used this as an opportunity to guilt trip muyoung to stay by his side.

He basically just said that he would die if muyoung left him alone...now, here is some advice from me, if anyone says that to you don’t believe them, you have no control over what a person does and you are not responsible for any of their actions, so call their bluff on it.

This incident caused some strife between muyoung and seonho’s relationship to the point where it was getting pointless for seonho to keep up something that not working, he wanted to break up with muyoung but after talking to muyoung’s grandmother he decided not to since what muyoung needs is his support at this moment. So they overcame it and muyoung made it clear to his best friend that he had no feelings towards him and that he only loves seonho, which made the friend only, had to accept it. So in the end muyoung and seonho moved in together and continued working as a mahwa company, and even hired a new assistant who strikingly had the same conditions as muyoung when he was first hired.

Lol. In the end this story worked out great, and it was really good read, the drama was minimal though that friend of his was an inconvenience. It was an overall a good story and the relationship development was really cute since muyoung was in love with seonho first, I’ve never seen that happened before actually, so if you like all of my recommendations so far you will like this one as well.

The Good Teacher: (18 +)

“Hojun’s recent breakup was pretty rough. His partner told him it wasn’t him, per say… Hojun just wasn’t good in bed. But it turns out Drunk Hojun is surprisingly resourceful; singlehandedly managing to find and set himself up with a sex tutor by the name of Mr. Ahn. Ahn Seunghyun was only half serious when he posted the sex tutor ad, but he quickly finds himself in too deep to call the lessons off. And the more he sees Hojun, the more he can’t help but notice how much attractive he is. Seunghyun is making it up as he goes along, so what will the final exam look like?”

This is basically “Sex for dummies” .LOL. I don’t know how your sex education went in school, but for me all I remember is that the teachers would leave he girls in classroom where they took the guys out and talked to them about masturbation. So needless to say I didn’t have much of a sex education until later in life. Or you can read this manhwa which basically taught me more that my sex ed teacher ever did.lol.

So basically Ahn seunghyun ( Mr. Ahn) was drinking with his friends and thought that they would pull a prank by posting an ad for a sex tutor, not thinking that anyone would fall for it. But Hojun found the ad and took his chances to reach out to seunghyun, so he decided to play along for the first meeting to see who he was dealing with, he made fake lesson plans and prepare a lot in order to make him sound convincing as a teacher. What started off as a joke became very educational for hojun whom had very little sexual experience and how his previous partners would claim him being very bad in bed. Seunghyun had a lot of patience and taught him from the ground up. I’m not going to lie, this was pretty educational and I think Mr. Ahn looking really fine does not help either.

So as the lessons progress they began to have feelings for each other, one thing that doesn’t add up is the fact the seunghyun is not a n actual teacher to begin with, although he did his research before every lesson he was not a an educator in trade, so he didn’t tell hojun the truth until the end and they had a fight, but made up quickly right after when they both realized their feelings for each other.

Now you’re probably wondering if there is a third wheel in this relationship, well there is a guy who is seunghyun’s ex boyfriend, he was a little bit of an inconvenience but not really causing too much trouble, just enough to make hojun a little jealous, the only thing he was out of line for saying was that three of them should have a threesome...LMAO not with you f*cker you look like Tarzan...lol. Hell no!

I say that but there is a special chapter at the end where hojun was having a nightmare where the three of them did have a three some and it was gross...i’m like wtf he’s so ugly...I can’t imagine anyone thinking this is hot.

Yeah take this as you will, if you lack sexual education I recommend this mahwa to educate yourself cause lord knows when that will be when you get proper education for that. If you liked reading BJ Alex, you may like this one because of the similar art style, if not then just read it for Mr. Ahn..cause he is so fine...lol.

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Welcome to hell

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*Warning *

These titles are suitable for 18+ audiences, because of the mature content in discussion, you have been warned.

So finally onto the hell segment for this month! This month we will be discussing some of the quirky titles, people born with unusual abilities, I have come across a few of them and from that I chose these three to talk about since their stories alone are interesting in many ways.

Whether these stories are satiric or serious, I enjoyed finding out by reading these more hellish stories. So here we go...starting off with...

My purrfect boss:

“Sunwoo is thrilled to be starting his new job! Full of energy and enthusiasm, he’s eager to please Manager Kang. The problem is, he keeps making dumb mistakes and getting in trouble. Things come to a head one night after work when he pours soju all over his boss. Typical! But hang on… Why is Manager Kang blushing like that? And what are those cat ears sprouting from his head?! After discovering his boss’ secret, it isn’t long before Sunwoo has him purring with pleasure.”

Let me start by saying that the funniest thing in this manhwa is that Mr. kang has both cat ears and human ears...lol. How is that possible?

So basically in this story manager kang is an anthromorph, which are humans with animal characteristics, they only make up of the minority of the population. He is basically a human with cat characteristics and has hidden his identity until sunwoo spooked him and his ears popped up from being surprised. This seems to be his “quirk” and of sunwoo being really innocent only wanted to find out what he was, then was caught by Mr. Kang having his heat cycle and sunwoo was dragged into the meeting room where he and the manager had jerked each other off.

Mr kang needs the cone of shame after the next day realizing what he and sunwoo had done. He started to avoid him until they were set up on a business trip together, in which they had to spend the night in the same hotel room. Manager kang looked apologetic for having sex with him just cause he was in heat but sunwoo said that he wasn’t repulsed by it and actually enjoyed it, therefore manager kang proposed they do it again...and so they did...lol. Many times after that too.

And sunwoo became a furry. The end. lol. I’m kidding, but sunwoo really liked manager kang and decided to make it official with him, they decided to see each other but not make it public since he was scared. Later there was another manager from another department who participated in a joint project and that other manager is also an anthromorph and knows manager kang as well. This manager cha was like an ex boyfriend but he calls himself his “owner”. He tried to force manager kang into this abusive play and now he’s scared of him. But even knowing that sunwoo didn’t really give up on manager kang but instead gave him courage to confront his fears and stand up for himself, and if anything it made him love him even more. Even if sunwoo didn’t know much about manager kang the way the other manager did, manager kang listed out all of his favorite things to him so that he does know now.

I really like this part of the story, just because a person’s past partners know more about the person you are dating doesn’t mean they know everything, people’s preferences can change over time and all you have to do is ask. So i’m glad they communicated with each other.

So in the end, sunwoo and manager kang was able to be together and he was thankful for having sunwoo in his life. There’s a lot that happens in between but you’ll have to figure that out on your own by reading it.lol. Can’t say that this story is relatable since I don’t have feline features but it was an interesting read in the end.

The Sales Departments Cupid:

“'Taejun', who has the ability to see auras from people who have been in contact with him since childhood, connects with people with similar auras, and at his company he is known as 'the Cupid of the Sales Department'. Then, Hongyeon, a new employee with a rainbow-colored aura, approaches Taejun...”

In this manhwa, Taejun’s quirk is that he has the ability to see people's auras in the form of colours and that way he matches people by the compatibility from complimentary colours between two people’s auras. This is why he is the match maker of the sales department, because anyone who he consults ends up married happily with their partner. The only thing taejun can’t see is his own aura which made him feel like he will be forever alone, Until the new employee Hongyeon showed up and started a conversation with taejun at a drinking party. There was a slight issue though...taejun also has this uncanny ability to kiss anyone who is in close proximity to him when he drinks, and hongyeon was told to sit next to him by his supervisor, basically they wanted to sacrifice him.lol.

But this development made hongyeon very happy and they kissed and did other things after wards. Taejun didn’t really notice it when he was drunk but took notice that hongyeon had a rainbow like aura emitting from him. Which he had never seen before.

I find it really cute to see people’s auras but not your own, which means nothing can be predicted in terms of who you end up with, but why was he able to see hongyeon with a rainbow aura?

Makes me think that is an indication that he is the “one” for him. This concept is really cute and the relationship between hongyeon and taejun started off really romantic for just having a first encounter, after things progressed they started to catch feelings for each other.

This manhwa is still ongoing so I’m not sure how and when it will end, but really liking it so far, even with the crazy amount of sex scenes, I can still feel the intimacy between to two characters and it’s not just showing sex for the sake of it. This is a really cute story so please read it if you are curious!

Pearl Boy:

“ Do shik is a host who ran away with a large sum of money and has a bunch of people chasing him down, he fled to the country side to lay low for a while and noticed that he was essentially running out of funds to survive. He tried to pick up a few men in hopes of getting some money for his services, but none have been taking the bait. He noticed a clam grilling restaurant and thought he would try his luck in getting a free meal, the boss of the restaurant over heard doshik’s plans and told his worker to pay attention to him in case he runs away. the restaurant’s worker jin juha was aware of his schemes and stopped him from eating and running at the very last minute, saying that he should make it up by paying with his “ body�� doshik thought that meant sexual favors and began to touch juha inappropriately. Before juha says that wasn’t what he meant, there was a bunch of men coming towards the restaurant, which made juha panic and forced doshik to leave and forget about paying. After doshik left he was loitering around the restaurant and noticed the back alley had an entry way to the back of the restaurant, there he saw something that he should not have seen.....”

Shameless plug before we begin here, I did draw a fanart of juha from pearl boy if you would like to see it please do so, I explained in the summary that I would write my own synopsis since the one i found was really bad.lol.

I wrote a little summary of the plot up till now below:

so it goes Boss sexual abuse juha by making him work as a sex toy for old ugly bastards -> juha has ability to produce pearls from cuming after sex lol. i’m sorry this seems so absurd, but it is how the story goes, which the boss monopolizes him -> juha can’t run away because he is scared and owes boss money juha was about to be assaulted by the ugly bastards-> doshik shows up and saves him a couple times and ends up working at the shop as a co worker-> juha and doshik get to know each other after doshik saves him a couple times juha asks doshik to have sex with him ( in order to produce pearls for debt payment) -> doshik discovers juha’s ability but thought it was beads coming out of his body...LOL. he actually thought he had kidney stones and was genuinely concerned -> doshik had a pearl that he found at the beach earlier on and used it to compare to the bead that came out of juha and found out it as an actual pearl after getting it appraised by the bank person ->juha met up with doshik and wanted to tell him he wanted him to come over again cause he liked doing it with him -> juha and boss confront each other and boss is angry he didn't show up meet his business partners that night that juha and doshik were together -> juha says that he’s only going to pay it off by himself with his one partner, he didn't tell boss it was doshik, but i think he found out later -> juha and doshik became roommates ->Boss goes to doshik’s old work place to find out more about him

And that is the summary until the official licensed chapters, so I have a lot to say about this manhwa, since this one has been on my mind for a while, but juha’s “quirk” is to make pearls by cuming after sex.lol. Firstly that must hurt, it really would feel like having kidney stones wouldn’t it? It sounds so absurd to say “my ability is to cum pearls” although it’s quite unique, not really sure if you’d save any one with that power.

So the reason why I couldn’t tell if this manhwa is satirical or serious because the whole plot started off with juha being used as a sex toy for crusty old men, these people were getting paid by the boss to basically have sex with juha in order for him to produce pearls, it’s sounds so far-fetched when you explain this to someone, it sounds like some hentai plot line with ugly ass b*stards...but it’s not just one, it’s like 10 of them...so imagine the ugliest being you’ve ever seen in anime/manga but x10...

That freaken boss, I get that some of you would see him and simp over him cause he looks hot but he’s a terrible person, looks can’t begin to compromise for his actions, he’s involved with sex trafficking and sexual abuse, that alone is enough for me to hate this person. So just keep that in mind if you decided to read this.

That aside, he complains and hurts juha because he does not produce quality pearls after having sex with all those men...and i’m like can you blame him? Satirical point of view speaking, you only gave him crusty old ugly ass men to work with, i’m surprised he produced any at all, if you want quality then get better looking men, look at how much he made with doshik...doesn’t that tell you anything?...ugh. the idiocy...

Speaking of doshik, I really like his ballsy character, when one of the crusty ass men was assaulting juha he literally grabbed the ugly ass’s balls and says he will take care of it for him, since he’s good at this stuff. Lol. He is an awesome character and he cares so much for juha, even in the beginning when they were not close and always ended up arguing, he would be genuinely worried for him. Fast forward when juha and doshik were getting close and juha wanted to have sex with doshik instead of the dudes he was supposed to meet that night, doshik really showed how much he liked him and handled him gently and sweetly, I honestly blush every time they have any sort of intimacy, I could feel their affection projecting off of my screen, it’s really sweet. If you can’t tell I simp so hard for this couple and will probably continue to do so. You’ll need to read the manhwa to know what I’m saying but their love scenes are really passionate and affectionate. This of course makes me believe that juha was a person who only knew what pain and suffering was due to his situation and that led to his cold and indifferent expressions early in the manhwa, but after meeting doshik his expressions begin to soften and you can tell as a reader that he starting to develop feelings for doshik. The author actually drew an illustration on her twitter that was quite symbolic to the recent chapters and where the story was going, and I decided to write an entire tumblr post, breaking down the symbolism and foreshadowing in her art. If you’d like to read that post I’ll link it down below.

This manhwa is fairly new and currently is still ongoing so there is very much a lot of stuff to unravel as it continues down the line. Please read this if you have not you won’t be disappointed, I thought this was going to be some satire bull shit and I was proven so wrong... lol.

Alright, that is it for the manga and webtoons section this week, we ended off with the theme of “quirks” in time for spring when My hero academia season 5 will be starting again in the spring.

I hope you all are enjoying reading this since I don’t have any feed back after doing this every month. I do enjoy sharing these since not many people talk about manga/webtoons and I feel like this topic should be more popular. Like I said in the beginning please let me know if you’d like to see the titles of manhwa that I dropped and why I dropped it, in case there are some you are not sure whether or not to read it and would like some feedback, I don’t beat around the bush when I don’t like something so you can be sure that my opinions are 100% genuine.

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ANIME

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Kemono Jihen:

“When a series of animal bodies that rot away after a single night begin appearing in a remote mountain village, Inugami, a detective from Tokyo who specializes in the occult, is called to investigate.

While working the case, he befriends a strange boy who works in the field every day instead of going to school. Shunned by his peers and nicknamed "Dorota-bou" after a yokai that lives in the mud, he helps Inugami uncover the truth behind the killings but supernatural forces are at work, and while Dorota-bou is just a nickname, it might not be the only thing about the boy that isn't human.”

- Summary from my anime list

I started watching this because it reminded me of old series like inuyasha, and I thought I would try it out. I think it’s interesting so far, half demons living among-st the humans and a group of them are solving cases together, this is only my understanding so far. I think that main character is in need of some development because I can’t really read his expressions very well so he doesn’t have much of a personality. I’m not really getting the whole plot as of yet, but maybe when this show is over I’ll have a better understanding.

I’m not going to lie, there is nothing that is intriguing me in terms of new anime series, I have watched the same ones I talked about last month, plus this one. I am waiting for attack on titan to finish before watching it all at once. I don’t think waiting every week for a new episode is something I can do for this series.

I am also waiting for shaman king to show in the spring, I loved shaman king when I was younger and I really want to revisit this series since it was one of my favorites. Also my hero academia season 5 is in the spring as well, so looking forward to seeing that.

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MUSIC/PODCASTS:

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Music for this month is mainly a playlist called dandelions playlist, this YouTube channel has a plethora of indie k-pop music and I love listening to this while painting and drawing, it really relaxes the mind.

I did say in the last months’ favorites that would maybe include some podcasts that I have been listening to and it’s also on YouTube as well

This one is not a podcast, but she may as well have one since she has really interesting takes on bad movies, her channel name is KennieJD, and she talks about bad movies in her series called “bad movies in a beat” I watched a lot of them and I really like the one she did on the “death note” live action movie, this is why I avoided watching that movie, being a huge fan of death note back in the day. All the things she said in her video are valid and I whole heartedly agree with all of it.

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So you have reached the end! Congrats!

I hope everything was informative and if you decided to read/watch any of the things mentioned in my favorites for this month, please let me know down below what you thought about it,

I also am doing a draw 6 characters challenge so if you’d like to participate please see that post on my tumblr page for details!

With that being said, please take care of your selves, we are still in the mist of this pandemic and I hope you are all well and taking care of your selves and your loved ones.

I’ll see you in the next monthly favorites.Thank you for reading,

Sheena

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SOCIAL MEDIA

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Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

Deviantart: she-be.deviantart.com

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#shounen ai #manga review #monthly favorites #yaoi manhwa #bl manhwa #boys love #anime review #oh my assistant #pearl boy #my purrfect boss #the good teacher #anime and manga #bl manga

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justasparkwritings · 4 years ago

Text

Illicit Affairs: Beautiful Rooms Pt. 2

Previous: Beautiful Rooms Pt. 1

Pairings: Namjoon & Reader

Genre: Angst, Slice of Life

Ratings: PG15

Word Count: 2.6K

Warnings: Therapy and Swearing, Mentions of Past Abuse

Summary: Namjoon and Jungkook sit down with Dr. Aarons.

Listen: illicit affairs by Taylor Swift

“What did she say?” You ask, Namjoon’s head resting gently in your lap, shoes tossed to the side, spread across the queen-sized mattress of Namjoon’s rental.

“That there’s a difference between Kookie hating me because I lied to him, and JK hating me because I destroyed his life,”

“Interesting, what else?” Your fingers move gently through his locks, recently cut and easy to comb through, the gesture is calming, even if that sensation is only fleeting.

“She said I’m the messenger, and he’s shooting me when he means to be shooting Big Hit,”

“Oo, I like that,” You agree.

“Yeah?”

“Yes, because, it doesn’t absolve you, right? But it explains the torture and torment they put you through too,” Your eyes maneuver over his features, the slope of his nose, the blossom of his cheeks, all honeyed and delicate under the weight of vulnerability.

“I delivered all the messages though,” Namjoon shifts, head digging deeper into the pillow on your thighs.

“Yeah, but can you blame someone when they’ve got a gun to their head?”

He pauses at your words, “I guess not.”

“Right, so maybe, just maybe, you’re not fully culpable.”

“But what I did,” He starts, his mind moving to relegate his actions instead of voicing his contemplations.

“Only Jungkook can forgive you for that,” You remind him.

“I don’t know if he will,”

“Has he ever held a grudge?” You counter, the self-pity beginning to wear on you.

“No,”

“He loves you, and you love him. This is going to be hard, but we knew that, didn’t we?”

He closes his eyes, “Yeah, we did.”

“You’re going to work for your relationship with him. You always have,” You remind him.

“I betrayed him,”

“Yes, you did, but didn’t Bang betray you?”

“How can you, why do you,” Namjoon stutters.

“What?” You ask.

“Why do you love me, when you know all the horrible things I’ve done?”

You pause your ministrations on his scalp, fingers stopping mid rake. He’s never asked, never inquired. Honestly, you wondered if he didn’t ask out of fear. Fear he’d hate your answer. Fear you’d leave him if he pushed too hard. Fear that the only reason you’d stayed together was because you hadn’t asked yourself that very question.

“You don’t have to answer,” He says, sitting up. He tucks his legs underneath himself and glances at you. “You don’t,”

“Joon bug,” You start. “I do have to answer it,”

“Not if you don’t want to, not if you don’t, if you haven’t thought about it,” He shakes his head.

“I have,”

“You have?”

“Of course, I have. I just,” You sigh. “I love you.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes. You’ve always given me the best of you, no matter how insolent I’ve been. No matter how far gone you feel like you are, standing on that ledge, you’ve never hesitated to give me everything. I just feel like, you owe it to yourself to give you the best of you,”

“Did you just quote-

“Yes, okay? Yes, I did, but it’s true, Joon. I love you, I guess, in spite of everything you’ve done because I can tell that it wasn’t your intentions, your decisions, you are not what Bang and Sejin have made you out to be. You aren’t, you aren’t that man at all,” You shift on the bed, kneeling in front of him, hands cradling his moisten cheeks in yours. “I’ve always loved you, every part of you, every secret and lie, every scar, every missed note, every attempt to redeem yourself, every failed apology… they’re all a part of you, Kim Namjoon. I love them all.”

“I’m having a hard time focusing when you just quoted my lyrics to me.”

“Fuck you then,” You laugh before placing your lips on his.

“I love you,” He says, eyes still closed, lips hovering above yours.

“You got me,” You sing softly, lips gently caressing his cheeks, his forehead, his nose.

“Nan neoreul bomyeo sumeul shwieo,” He answers.

“I got you,”

“Chireuk gatdeon bamdeul soge,” He finishes, lips hungrily finding yours again.

~~~~~

“Let’s begin by discussing your first impressions of one another,” Dr. Aarons suggests. She sips quietly on her coffee, freshly brewed to her specifications. The sun is blocked by a tan window covering, an attempt at creating a cohesive design throughout the treatment center but in this lighting, looks more like a hospital than a posh therapists office.

“Namjoon, you can start,” Jungkook says.

“I remember his talent, the fear in his eyes, the joy he had performing. He was so little. I was concerned that he was too young, I thought I was too young. He was just, malleable, willing to please, unsure where his next footing was,” Namjoon says. He’s thought about it a lot, what about Jungkook struck him? Why did he need him on the team?

“When he sang, you could hear the emotion, the raw talent. It was stunning. I took him under my wing early on because he didn’t know if he wanted to stick with it.”

“Jungkook, why did you doubt?” Dr. Aarons inquires.

“They wanted to make me the center, I was just a kid from Busan, and they just, picked me,” Jungkook balls his fists under the weight of his long sleeved shirt, an attempt at making himself as small as possible.

Dr. Aarons surveys Jungkook, noting his change in body language. “Namjoon, do you remember that discussion?”

“Yes, we wanted-

“We?” Dr. Aarons interjects.

“Management and I,”

“Okay, thank you,” She scribbles in her notebook. She’s procured a new notebook for the two men, no longer the purple for Jungkook, but a marbled hard cover book with lined pages and little quotes on the bottom near the page numbers. She’s on the second or third page, scribbling away as the men talk.

“We wanted someone to be the center, not just in the lineup, but someone to guide the music or build our sound from.”

“There are seven of you total, why Jungkook?”

“He’s versatile, his voice hadn’t stopped changing, but it had range, he already could dance any style, he just, he has something special, you know?”

“Not Jimin or Taehyung?”

“Taehyung’s natural tone is so low, Jimin’s voice has this crisp once in a generation reverberation in each note he sings. It’s angelic, but Jungkook can do it all,” Namjoon answers.

“Ah, so out of the seven, he can easily meld into any position,” Dr. Aarons writes furiously, the sound of her pen scraping the page the only sound echoing in the room.

“Yes, even at 14, he could,”

“He became the center, literally and figuratively,”

Namjoon sips his water before answering. “Mm, we could train him to be a leader, train him to be dance captain or vocal leader,”

“Jimin’s the vocal leader,” Jungkook says. “He guides us all, he’s the one, not me.”

“If we’re really being honest, Hoseok holds us together,”

“You, Hobi and Jimin for sure,” Jungkook nods.

“Jungkook, will you share your first impressions of Namjoon?”

“I looked up to him, from the beginning. He’s always been honest, honorable, and just, his talent is greater than anything I’ve seen. All I ever wanted was for him to be proud of me.”

“What’s that Kendrick lyric? Loves gonna get you killed / but pride’s gonna be the death of you and me,” Namjoon says.

“I wanted you to think something of me, to see me, to recognize me as a person worthy of your attention. You made BTS what it is, your leadership. I wanted to prove myself to you, always have,” Jungkook tells him.

“Prove yourself to Namjoon, to Big Hit or to yourself?”

“All three,”

“That must’ve been difficult,”

“It was,”

“Let’s fast forward,” Dr. Aarons says, “Over the next handful of years, you two become quite intertwined, BTS undergoes a lot of challenges, but also triumphs.”

The two men nod.

“Namjoon, when did your conditioning of Jungkook begin?”

He shifts in his chair. He’d spent a lot of time with Dr. Cho working through the timeline. It was messy and complicated, hard to pinpoint exactly when things spiraled, but always easy to note when it started. “When he was sixteen, a little before then.”

“Do you remember the first act management asked you to carry out?”

“It had to do with sending him to training for dance,”

“Jungkook, do you remember?”

“I remember being sent to the states, I didn’t know it was part of conditioning me,”

“That’s something we’ve worked a lot on, right Jungkook?”

“Yes,”

“Namjoon, anything else you want to add?”

“Jungkook’s always been dedicated, he’s grown so much, but it was hard, for a while, to tell where the six of us ended, and he began.”

“Mm, the crisis of identity. What then propelled the drinking?”

“I busted my heel, and turned 21 and just started spinning out of control,”

“It wasn’t one event then; it was a collection?”

“Yes,”

“Namjoon, what were you doing at that time?”

“What was management having me do?”

“Yes,”

“I was pushing him to go to the gym, to bulk up, eating healthier,”

“I was already putting in so much time at the studio,” Jungkook feels the anger building, the heat in his belly, the strain on his throat, anger brewing like a lightning storm, opposing wind temperatures and pressures mounting.

“It wasn’t enough. Bang wanted you in the gym for at least twice as long as everyone else, in the dance studio with Hoseok or Jimin, longer than either of them,”

“They were beating themselves up too. Jimin wasn’t eating!” The first glimmer of lightning.

“I know,” Namjoon hangs his head. Jimin’s demise, wasn’t Namjoon’s fault. He played no role in the maknae’s eating woes, but he couldn’t say he didn’t play into it with his own insecurities.

“But you pushed?”

“I had to,”

“Why?” Dr. Aarons asks. “What did they have over you?”

Jungkook had spent the past few months working through what Big Hit had over Namjoon to push him to this deception. He had made guesses, but truly was curious how dire the situation was for Namjoon to commit such criminal offenses.

“They, they gave out stipends if you went to the gym or stayed at the gym longer than everyone else.”

“They gave you money?” Jungkook questions.

“Incentives… they gave them to you too, slipped into your paycheck or added to your stock options, mine were doubled.” Namjoon keeps his head low, unwilling to look either Dr. Aarons or Jungkook in the eye. He doesn’t deserve their compassion or pity.

“What else?” Dr. Aarons asks.

“It was written in my contract, I wasn’t allowed to talk about it, and I had to do what they told me. I was given the concession a few years ago that I could date, as a means to keep the peace.”

“That’s why you didn’t say anything?” The first clap of thunder, radiating.

Pulling his eyes from his palms, Namjoon squares off with Jungkook. “Yes, I legally couldn’t,”

“What would they take?” Dr. Aarons voice is the only calm in the oncoming storm.

“At first it didn’t matter, but they upped the stakes, saying I couldn’t produce, or they’d put off my mixtape months, put parameters around what percentage I could claim in writing and producing. Eventually, as the years passed, they threatened my relationship. To them it became the queen on the board, the key to making me comply,”

“It was the threat of loss,” Dr. Aarons articulates, “The fear that whatever you were holding onto would disappear if you didn’t follow through.”

“Yes,”

“The whole time they were playing you, too?” Jungkook wonders. “They were holding you hostage?”

“Yes,”

“This entire time, you’ve been hurting, and you didn’t say, anything?”

“I couldn’t,”

“Your stoicism nearly broke you,” Dr. Aarons observes.

Namjoon nods. This isn’t the first time his work has gotten the better of him, manipulating him, pushing him to new extremes. It’s not the first time his own self-preservation has clouded his judgement. His inability to not seek the best in all he does often burns him out, his need to help everyone, especially OT7, at all costs, no matter what, is the reason for so much of his heartache.

“Why did you do it?” Jungkook’s question is simple, as simple as yours had been. Why?

“I wanted everyone to be successful and feel successful. If I could help, in any way, then I was going to. I wanted you to be everything you dreamed of being,”

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions,” Dr. Aarons quips. “You wanted Jungkook to be all these things, did you stop to consider if the ways you were going about it were worth it?”

“Every day, every time he broke down, cried, was insecure, wanted to quit… we all had those moments, but Jungkook is, he’s the best of us,” Namjoon’s honesty has always been one of his strengths, which makes his therapy work that much more potent.

“I am not,” Jungkook counters, blushing amidst the tide.

“You are, even without guidance, you’ve always been the brightest star, I never want you to burn out,”

“You’ve pushed me to,” Jungkook’s tears cascade down his cheeks.

“In trying to give you longevity, yeah, I did,” It’s the break in Namjoon’s voice that pushes each man to new heights.

“You did such unforgivable things,” Jungkook spits.

Steering the ship towards calmer seas, Dr. Aarons speaks. “Of all the things that were done to you, Jungkook, in your mind, what is the one that hurts the most?”

“You created this false sense of security, making me think you were looking out for me but you were tricking me. I have all these insecurities, all these bad habits, for what?” Another lightning strike.

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon sobs.

“I know you are, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. You measured my food, forced me to work out more, dosed my drinks… you just, ne juwireul maemdolge / ne gyeote isseo julge / ne bichi doeeo julge,” Jungkook rattles off the lyrics. “All I’ve ever wanted was your support, your guidance, your love. You have been everything to me, and to find out you –

“I had no choice,” Namjoon’s voice rises. “They gave me no options!”

“You drugged me!” Boom. Louder and closer than before, the thunder rattles through Namjoon’s bones.

“I never said I did the right thing!” Namjoon counters.

“You put smaller pants in my closet, so I thought I was gaining weight!”

“It wasn’t my idea!”

Scoffing, Jungkook snipes, “You counted my calories and made me feel so guilty when I didn’t work out!”

“You’re the one who wanted to maintain your six pack!” Namjoon yells in return. This feels like a RUN episode gone wrong.

“What about Jimin?” Jungkook watches the flash of anger in his hyung’s eyes, wasn’t it enough that he was in here with Jungkook? Why bring Jimin in too?

“Don’t bring him into this,” Namjoon warns.

“How do your actions affect him? What about the other members?”

“They’re, fine,” He clenches his jaw.

“Yeah, because you didn’t drug them!” Jungkook strikes again.

“It wasn’t anything serious!”

“Every action has an equal, opposite reaction. This is what you did!”

Namjoon is trying not to be proud that Jungkook’s quoting Newton, but he’s a little proud.

“Management Jungkook! Management made me! Stop shooting me, I didn’t load the gun!” Namjoon yells.

“Fuck you Joon!” Jungkook stands. Hands through his hair, snot wiped against his sleeve.

“Take five,” Dr. Aarons voice is swift, coming down harsh in their ears as the two stare at opposite corners of the room. As her voice ebbs, the only sound that can be heard in the trepid waters are the sounds of this tears.

Next: Beautiful Rooms Pt. 3

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uwua3 · 5 years ago

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that taichi headcannon for jealousy broke my heart :( could you do one where he finds another person? one that makes him laugh, ruffles his hair, games with him etc~ a happier one!

oh no!!! i’m so sorry here u go *offers u a new, super cool heart that is angst–proof* ♡ yes, i definitely want taichi to find ~ love ~ like he deserves because he’s such a puppy 🥺 i adore him endlessly so him having a happy alternative is Required Immediately!

summary: love came in many forms—including platonic best friends

warnings: heartbreak, unrequited love

author’s note: i actually went a bit more different route with this! i know this prompt typically means a romantic love, but i didn’t really feel like it would fit. this is a best friend! reader x taichi, and i am so happy with the message in this! go best friends!!!

love is love and you shouldn’t have to rush into a relationship to find it. your friends love you, and although it’s not the same, it’s more than enough ♡ love isn’t just what you do for others, so don’t try so hard to be loved. people will love you for you, not whatever romantic movie–based idea you have of them. i hope you know you are loved. i love you ♡

word count: 2,106

music: ily (i love you baby) – surf mesa ft. emilee

a skater gets back up.

🍁🛹 nanao taichi

taichi missed being in love

he missed writing all those heart–shaped love letters made of pink construction paper and his exaggerated, overwhelming feelings with red pen. he’d write their name in pretty cursive that took so many tries, he dotted the i’s with hearts, he color–coded it so well that it was just an explosion of valentine’s day

he missed dedicating his favorite songs to them, hearing it randomly in his shuffled mix and immediately thinking of them. he missed explaining what the songs meant, feeling all types of love when he repeated them over and over again

he missed creating playlists with them in his mind, forming it so it flowed perfectly and it was like he handcrafted the album himself. he missed sending the link and listening to it on repeat like a lovesick fool

he missed sending good morning/night texts, putting all his time aside just to fall head over heels again like he was on his skateboard. taichi knew he was a good boyfriend, that he loved with all of his heart and his feelings were real. but, he missed all of it, he missed love so much. taichi needed love

(it was so fucked up, but taichi sometimes listened to all the music he dedicated to them at night and stared up at his dark bedroom ceiling, crying just wishing he didn’t break it off. that he kept the toxic relationship going for just a bit more, just for the attention. he missed them)

so, taichi knew what he had to do. he actively started looking for love, not caring if he was going to get hurt again or if his heart was weak and broken from his last situation

(taichi’s reliance on love was so unhealthy, that even his friends got tired of his whining and eventually stopped communicating back when he went on a rant again)

(taichi didn’t mind, his dependency and need to be someone’s and be their one & only was too strong for him to even consider any other rational solution)

but you, you came out of no where

taichi was busy scrolling through his instagram following list, trying to find out if anyone cute was single. he could slide into their DMs with a fun message, be as enthusiastic as possible to avoid being left on seen. he was considering if he should start a digital conversation as he rode home from school

(he wasn’t the best multitasker. taichi was skating to the dorms, texting on his phone without looking up. he was casually skating before bam! he hit a curb, tumbling to the pavement as his phone flew a few feet away)

taichi groaned, knowing he was going to get scolded and laughed at by autumn troupe the moment he showed up to the dorms like he lost in a fight. as he moved to lay on his back, taichi rubbed his eyes as the sunlight was suddenly blocked from his vision

taichi opened his eyes and looked up, you were looking over him with wide, concerned eyes as you were saying something about first aid and asking if he was okay. taichi just blinked, not hearing you over the ringing in his ears as he stared at your face

you were cute! this could work, taichi just had to say some clever pick–up line you’d like. you would maybe find it so witty that you’d give him your number, you two would walk, form a momentary bond where he’d fall in love, and then you’d leave. taichi couldn’t believe fate finally recognized he needed a partner so it made him fall for them instead (literally)

taichi was about to open his mouth before you took his hand and pulled him up, helping him stand and he stared at your face, trying to process the situation. why were you helping? were you interested? did you want to go on a date? taichi blushed, never having someone ever be this direct to him

in reality, taichi’s sense of perception and reading between the lines was so warped. taichi romanticized his entire life, the way you touched his arm and made sure a completely random stranger was okay. this had to be the universe’s calling! but really, he just fell in love with everyone he met and pretended like his soulmate was out there

(maybe, this was all just an elaborate game to prove to himself that someone could love him. maybe, taichi just wanted to be worthy of someone’s love)

last time, he purposely fell off his skateboard to get a person’s attention. but this time, you were the one who came over to help. maybe, this could be different

“hey, hey! are you okay?!”

when the ringing subsided and he could pick up on your voice, taichi kicked his board up and swung it in his open backpack, putting his free hand out as he grinned like he didn’t just embarrass himself in front of you

“nanao taichi, great to meet you!” he exclaimed, smiling like his elbows weren’t scraped or his uniform was in desperate need of an ironing. he had a dull headache and he needed an ice pack for that bruise on his hip, but he looked so happy

you carefully took his hand, shaking it as you warily wondered how could someone be this happy after crashing like that (it was honestly a wreck, he looked like he could’ve died from the way he landed)

you said your name and the rest was history as he picked up his phone, wincing at the cracked screen, as he asked for your number

from there on, it was the start of a healthy friendship. at first, taichi tried to force this image he had onto you, convinced the timeline was basically telling him he had to do everything in his power to fall in love. but you shut him down quickly, emphasizing you guys were only friends and you weren’t about to risk this great friendship for some fling taichi wanted

honestly, it was for the best. taichi respected your boundaries and backed down (especially after you were adamant on not entering a fake relationship for the attention). when taichi took off his rose–tinted glasses and realized not every relationship he had meant pursuing some fantasy of love only he could imagine, your friendship with him became even better

taichi wrote you letters when he genuinely meant them, not because he felt like he was obligated to. sometimes, when he was so appreciative of how much you were there for him, he wrote pages of what you meant to him. they weren’t heart–shaped, but it had even more meaning because you actually read them and ruffled his hair, saying he was the bestest friend ever

you loved it! even though, he didn’t try as hard as he always did. he wrote your name normally, but you still smiled when you read it. he didn’t dot his i’s with hearts, but you still joked about how messy his handwriting was, and it didn’t bother him! it wasn’t perfect nor a representation of his lovey–dovey heart, but you loved it more than anyone else he ever did it for in his past

(his heart swelled with pride, not because he did something romantic, but because it made you happy. taichi was happy you felt loved, and were loved. was that the true purpose of letters? taichi didn’t think he could’ve wrote letters that were just plain without all the love clichés in the world, but you enjoyed them just the same without the flowery language)

taichi even sent you songs he knew you would love. you always listened to them, even sent back feedback about what you liked. but, taichi didn’t think it was romantic in any way. you appreciated that he took his time to send you something he associated with you. you always sent one back, but it wasn’t random, he always had on repeat whatever you chose because it fit him so well

he even remembered the first time he created a playlist for you on your birthday, selecting the same amount of songs as your age with thoughtful consideration. but this time, he didn’t go overboard and nitpicked at every single beat and rhythm. he just picked songs that made him think of you in a random order, and you still loved it. you even sent a video of you listening to it and shooting a thumbs up to the camera

(taichi’s heart doubled in size. you knew him so well! you knew what he liked and always paid attention to his likes & dislikes just like he did with you! you put in just as much effort with him, you really tried in this friendship and it wasn’t for the gifts he’d shower his future significant other with)

taichi always said good morning/night to you, but you didn’t yell at him when he forgot sometimes. you always said it back and even texted him first on occassion

(his heart was truly overwhelmed with all the subtle love you showed him. for once in his life, taichi felt like this was love. but he didn’t have to follow every romance movie’s rules or imitate every protagonist ever to get that love, all he did was be his true, authentic self)

taichi stopped himself from forcing love onto everyone he met. on nights when he felt like texting his ex again, or rekindling old relationships that didn’t work out for a reason, you stayed up with him, reminding him how much pain he went through and he couldn’t just put himself through hell again

taichi had to accept not everyone was his soulmate–to–be, that maybe this wasn’t his time to be in love. it took so much time to know that he’d rather be in love for a very long time than in short bursts

(not because it was more romantic, but he deserved a long–term, stable relationship that wasn’t just him begging for validation)

you taught him he was more than the people who played him in the past. he couldn’t sink to their level and start messing around just for the satisfaction, he would fall in love with someone right and it would be all worth it

(you two even once got into an argument. when taichi was going on and on about wanting a partner, you cut him off angrily, frustrated he wasn’t listening to your pleas for him to stop. you were so confused why he kept doing this to himself on purpose and if he was going to turn into some player. he kept ignoring you, whining about some partner before you gave up, telling him you couldn’t handle it today)

(that’s what it took for him to snap back to reality, taichi apologized immediately and tried his best to avoid ranting so much. at the end, you were always right and wanted the best for him. taichi had to accept that)

you provided taichi with real love that wasn’t because because he did all these romantic things, it was because you liked him for him. he stopped trying to see you as a potential lover and loved you as a friend, and that was more than enough

taichi had skateboarded to your house, rapidly knocking on your door as you came outside to see him with a boquet of flowers and your favorite candy. your heart dropped, oh no, was he about to confess when you made it clear—

“i love you.” taichi said, passing you the gifts as you stood shocked. you couldn’t believe it, you told him numerous times you two would never be in a relationship like this... you were about to object, reprimand him before he burst out laughing, holding his stomach as he hopped off his board

“oh my god! your face!!!” taichi hollered, trying to contain himself as you smacked his head with your boquet. you were genuinely so freaked out but breathed a sigh of relief once you saw he looked at you the same as before. taichi wasn’t in love with you, but—

“i just came to say i love you, as my best friend. i love you, and you taught me real love. i love you.”

your best friend, taichi, smiled just like that day he fell off his skateboard and scraped up his entire body. you hoped he never changed and stayed the same romantic nutcase as before, but for the right person

as you hugged him, taichi realized he didn’t need a relationship. he needed love, and his best friend was more than enough

#nanao taichi #taichi nanao #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #a3! headcanons #act! addict! actors! headcanons #mankai a3!#mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #taichi x reader #a3! taichi #a3 taichi

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thespiralgrimoire · 5 years ago

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I. NEED. TO. LEARN. MORE. ABOUT. FERRO's. UNIVERSE. Like are you kidding me? Fuego and Leo pulled a coup and killed every non-vermillion??! that's, wow, that's rich!! What's the heck is wrong with /THAT/ timeline? What about Asta's story there? the elves? the devils? Fuego really killed everyone? including NOZEL? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!

OH MY GOD ANON YOU’VE MADE MY ENTIRE DAY

HONESTLY this AU is underdeveloped because of the way it came to fruition in the first place, so nothing would make me happier but to make it a collaborative fandom project but here’s everything I’ve got on it

Under a Read More because it might get lengthy

First, a disclaimer: This AU was born out of a dream. I had a dream about a plucky teenager participating in a Magic Knight’s exam that was designed more like The Hunger Games, and when I woke up, I said to myself, I gotta get in on that. So that’s why some of the details of this AU are a little fucky. Dream logic.

Now, the inciting event for this AU is twofold: First, Acier lives. SECOND, her sister, Kirsch and Mimosa’s mother, dies giving birth to Mimosa.

Sister’s death completely breaks down any bond between the Vermillions and the Silvas. It’s just. Messy. A lot of finger pointing, a lot of people not handling things well. Because while the Silvas were taught from a young age to bottle up their feelings, Vermillions tend to use their feelings as a weapon. And relations go south fast.

Acier has still been training Meoroleona. Nozel and Fuegoleon have still been rivals. But when this happens, everyone is forced to pick a side. Acier and Meoroleona don’t end their relationship on bad terms, but they do end it. Nozel and Fuegoleon’s relationship swiftly turns hostile. In hindsight, nobody is happy about the way things went down, but at this point there’s a No Man’s Land to civility that nobody is willing to cross, and nobody will cross it.

The Vermillions have the roughest time with this, but unlike the way the Silvas handled Noelle, nobody actually blames Mimosa for her mother’s death. They turn their grief into what they see as righteous fury and determine to turn this into a “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” situation. This takes different forms over the years, but what basically happens is that everyone internalizes these feelings so deeply that while they all grow stronger, they also sort of grow apart.

Fuegoleon and Meoroleona have a blowout that completely shakes House Vermillion, and when Meoroleona leaves, she vows to never come back. No one believes that she would actually stay away, what with how close Fuego and Meoro were as kids, but when she leaves, she leaves. They see her once a year TOPS, and it’s never for a happy reason.

Fuegoleon, who has let his anger completely isolate him from the rest of his family, throws himself into being the Crimson Lion King, and while he’s incredibly successful, he loses parts of himself along the way. His ambitions override his caring nature and his inclination to share his strengths with others, and he becomes cold and determined, with a methodical outlook on relationships.

Leopold doesn’t become so callous-- he wasn’t old enough to remember his aunt’s death, he just had to grow up in the aftermath of it --but he follows in his brother’s footsteps, and while he’s not as mean about the way he does it, he’s not afraid to make some harsh decisions if it means being the best.

Kirsch and Mimosa decide that the best way to deal with this is to keep their heads down. Kirsch is fiercely protective of his little sister, because even though nobody is blaming Mimosa, he can’t shake the feeling that she may still have a target on her back. This makes Mimosa jumpy and clingy, never really developing the confidence to be her own person. While she can’t really nail down a particular reason for it, she’s scared of Fuegoleon and doesn’t trust Leopold. She can’t help but wonder how her cousins in House Silva are doing, but knows that all hell would break loose if she actually sought them out, so she feels constantly stuck between a rock and a hard place; the living embodiment of a schism between the royal houses.

The Silvas, on the other hand, go the other direction. Acier is still here, and she’s not letting her family rip itself apart like it did in canon. She remains the captain of the Silver Eagles and well-respected. Her kids have an even easier ride to the top with her still there to pave the way. She misses Meoroleona terribly. She knows that none of this was fair to any of them, and losing her sister AND her star pupil is a lot to work through. She keeps thinking that eventually she’ll get a letter or a surprise visit from the Undefeated Lioness, but she never does.

Nozel is genuinely heartbroken to have lost his rival and best friend, and, consequently, be left in the dust when he can’t keep up with Fuegoleon’s ambition, but he’s still got his mother and three little siblings, so they become his whole life. Without Fuegoleon’s rivalry to spur him on, he becomes good but not great, and is content to coast. He’s a mama’s boy, and as long as his mother is satisfied, he’d rather read and organize missions than go on them. On the bright side, he doesn’t deal with 90% of the stress he deals with in the canon universe. He’s actually pretty happy most of the time.

Nebra ends up being the classic middle sibling. Her magic is nothing special, but she’s a Silva, so she can go with the flow and still come out looking a little better than everyone else. While Nozel would rather spend time with books and Solid and Noelle would rather spend time with each other, she’s a drifter; she can hang with any of her siblings, or her mother, but she’s no one’s first pick. It doesn’t really bother her all that much unless she feels genuinely left out, and Mom never forgets about her, so it’s all good.

Solid and Noelle are thick as thieves, and the Silver Eagles’ superstars. They bring out the worst of each other and have a great time doing it. They’re a dynamic duo on the battle field and harbor unfathomable chaotic energy off of it. Getting sucked into their gravitational pull is dangerous, so Nebra, Nozel, and Acier tread lightly, lest they get dragged into, or end up the victim of their shenanigans. Of all combinations of Silva duos, they are by far the closest. Totally ride or die. That doesn’t mean that they don’t drive each other absolutely batshit crazy, and have some HUGE blowouts that waterlog half the castle, but that’s what siblings do. The nice thing about having each other is that neither of them end up in their siblings’ or mother’s shadows. The not nice thing about that is that they’re just. Little shits. Imagine Noelle acting the way she does in the beginning of the series, but being sincere about it. Imagine Solid acting the way he does, except he’s never checking to see if he’s got his siblings’ approval. Now imagine them patting each other on the back for acting like that. Yikes.

Then Ferro comes along. He’s the result of Solid knocking up his unnamed noble girlfriend when he’s 16-17. Acier is PISSED. All the other Silvas are scandalized. Solid is in big trouble. Acier suspends him from the Silver Eagles while she does damage control. What she eventually ends up doing is paying the girl off, and when the baby is born, she takes him into House Silva to raise him in secret. Nobody outside House Silva ever knows about him. He is House Silva’s best kept secret. This is an important detail.

The coup comes together. Fuegoleon has been working on this plan for a long time. Years. Leopold is on board, because Leopold would follow him off a cliff. But he’s also scared shitless. This is a much bigger deal than stepping on a few comrades to rise through the ranks. He slips a little. Kirsch catches wind of the plan. He gets in Leo’s and Fuego’s ear to remind them, hey, we’re Vermillions, too. So we’re cool, right?

Yeah, they’re cool. All they have to do is help their cousins kill everyone whose last name isn’t Vermillion. Kirsch thinks this is a pretty good deal to save him and his sister. Mimosa will later have her doubts, but we’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.

Meoroleona was invited, but never shows up.

We’re about at the beginning of the show when the coup begins. I don’t have a good reason that it goes off as smoothly as it does. But everyone in Houses Kira and Silva dies, except Acier and Ferro. Ferro, now two, manages to watch his entire family get bodied without getting a scratch on him, because no one anticipated him being there. Acier is only able to defend herself and him before sneaking away.

Acier and Ferro flee to the Forbidden Realm, to a little town in bumfuck nowhere, to hide. They are never discovered by the Vermillions.

Fuegoleon becomes the Clover King. As far as they can tell, the coup is 100% successful. But the thing about fire is that it’s super useful for making people really dead, but when people are dying in heaps and being burned to ash it’s kind of hard to count how many bodies you’ve got. They don’t realize that they’re one short. With no one to stand in their way, Fuegoleon crowns himself Clover King. He disbands the Silver Eagles, and within the next few years, will crown himself Wizard King. It actually becomes pretty easy after Julius nerfs himself, whoops.

Unfortunately, Fuegoleon is starting to unravel. He gained a LOT of enemies doing all this heinous shit, and he is not a beloved king. Leopold is now the head of the Crimson Lion Kings, and he’s reporting back a lot of hostility among the captains. Not that they didn’t expect that, but there’s no way to practice sleeping with one eye open. That’s not to mention that the people are scared and confused, and that doesn’t make for a peaceful kingdom.

Over the course of years, he puts greater and greater restrictions on magic. It starts as permits to use spells in public places and soon grows into a near-total ban on grimoires for anyone outside the magic knights. With absolute power, he can kick people out of the magic knights AND take their grimoires. These rules both ease and exacerbate his growing paranoia. Everyone is pissed, but effectively stripped of their power, there isn’t much they can do about it.

Meanwhile, Acier is raising her grandson as a peasant, but never forgets that they’re royals. She teaches Ferro all of their family history, even though they have to keep it a secret. That gets kind of tricky since Ferro has royal-level magic in the middle of a town of peasants, but, you know, who’s gonna call him on it?

When Ferro is ten, he get recruited by a mysterious hooded figure to train his magic in secret. 90% of his magic training happens in a location he is taken to by a spatial mage. He, along with about a dozen other kids, are trained by a small band of mages who claim to be the resistance. Their goal is simple: Train the next generation of mages to take out the king and restore order to the kingdom. Ferro thinks this is pretty cool, and the honor isn’t lost on him, but he’s mostly glad that he can learn to control his magic in a way that makes his grandmother proud.

By the time Ferro is 15, grimoire ceremonies have been almost completely outlawed, so it’s a big deal when the resistance throws their trainees a grimoire ceremony. Once they’ve received their grimoires, they begin the next leg of their journey: become magic knights.

The Magic Knights Entrance Exam has changed a LOT in the last 15 years. This exam is deadly. In many instances, the point is to kill or be killed. Magic knights are being trained as a military force first and foremost, and their most important feature must be that they take orders unblinkingly. This does not fly with Ferro. While he’s extremely qualified for the position in every other way, he’s too nice to let people die, let alone kill them. He fails the exam. However, some of the other kids he’s trained with make it in.

So he needs a new plan. Spurned on by his grandmother and his teachers through the resistance, he decides to travel the Clover Kingdom. In the midst of his travels, Acier dies. At 20 years old, he is now the last Silva.

This fact makes Ferro pretty fatalistic, and at this point he decides the only rational thing to do is to force an audience with King Fuegoleon. Surely this won’t end in disaster. Definitely won’t be his untimely end by flames.

So there are a lot of holes in this AU, because it sprang up around this one character I had a wild dream about. A few mores notes:

Noelle joined the Silver Eagles, if that wasn’t obvious

The Vermillion coup takes place 1-2 years after the start of the show, and I have no explanation for how those events could fit into this timeline. They would definitely look a LOT different, that’s for sure

My notes on this end where they do because at the point where Ferro breaks into the royal castle to force this audience with the king, he actually gets thrown out of this universe and into another. So I guess for all intents and purposes, the Silva line ends for good in this universe

I know exactly where Meoroleona is and what she’s doing

I don’t know where exactly Kirsch and Mimosa are and what they’re doing when they disappear

So that’s all I’ve got! This isn’t a super duper happy AU, and definitely not flattering for everyone, but I was forced to flesh it out because I was told, very emphatically, “Evil Vermillions sexy.” I don’t disagree.

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boom-fanfic-a-latta · 4 years ago

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Tell us more about ECHO au? When does Cole get snapped out of the hypnotism, and what's Lloyd's role in all this?

So Lloyd’s role is pretty much the same as canon, but with an additional reason for releasing more Serpentine, that being he honestly feels sorry for the ninja and may just be inclined to try and get their friend back to them. (Not that he’d admit it at first). Beyond that, it’s...pretty much like normal.

As for how Cole gets snapped out of it—oh boy. Time for an info dump. There’s a lot to explain for this to make any sense whatsoever.

Basically, here’s a messy timeline of the events of ECHO:

Episodes 1 & 2 proceed as canon until returning to the monastery, which is still intact

That night, the hypnosis gets activated again and Cole steals the staff and burns down the monastery

The others wake up and everything is OH MY GOODNESS ITS ON FIRE—After...taking care of all that, they realize Cole is missing, bicker a bit about the situation, and eventually put things together

Oh, right, and here is where Wu realizes he probably should tell them about their INHERITED powers, shouldn’t he. And yes, this includes Nya.

Cole is released temporarily while the slither pit happens, and he and Lloyd end up talking for a small bit before he gets put back under

The others find the bounty, Lloyd decides he just might get their friend back for them (not that he’d say it out loud right now)

Snakebit proceeds as canon, except for Cole not being present. So does Never Trust a Snake, at least until the ending, where Lloyd admits to Wu he feels really bad about what happened to Cole (and how he feels it’s his fault)

The Snake King is where things really change. Nya has no reason to become Samurai X due to being a ninja already in this, and thus that subplot gets dropped. Instead, this is when the ninja meet Jils. Lloyd still gets kidnapped, but the attempted rescue mission isn’t able to happen in this continuity.

Tick Tock proceeds as canon, just with Nya replacing Cole. Snakebit also happens mostly canon, except no Samurai X reveal. Also, Jils learns that Zane is a nindroid and also gives Jay some dating advice.

The Royal Blacksmiths is a fun one. The ninja are terrible liars, and trying to keep what happened to Cole secret from his dad is...hard. Jils manages to keep Python from being a judge (as she’s a judge herself in this), and Nya reaches her True Potential. Lou inevitably finds out and asks (read: threatens) the ninja to save his son.

No real changes in The Green Ninja aside from the obvious.

All or Nothing ends with the ninja not only retrieving the fangblades, but also Cole. He’s still hypnotized, but they manage to keep him from attacking by basically playing a recording of the sacred flute on a loop.

Rise of the Great Devourer: no changes except the obvious (and also having to drag around a half-conscious Cole)

Day of the Great Devourer: once they reach the city, they end up running into Jils, who takes over taking care of Cole.

While the battle is happening, Jils is trying to see if she can find a possible cure anywhere and ends up finding a set of teas made from Serpentine anti venom in Mystake’s latest shipment to Moondust (the shop has a sort of partnership with her, long story) Using that, she manages to break his trance, and he passes out immediately.

Once the Devourer is defeated, the others come by. After a couple hours, Cole wakes up, and gets a full explanation of what happened over the past few weeks.

If you’re wondering who on earth Jils is, well...normally she’s a fusion of my friend and I, but in ECHO it’s a bit different. In ECHO, she’s a barista the ninja end up befriending, who ends up acting as a therapist for them? (Also she’s the master of mercury but that’s not important until the sequel) And they cross paths a couple times throughout the story.

...I put way too much info into this response.

#ninjago #ninjago au #echo au #jillian pikes #barista!jils #jils

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aspiestvmusings · 4 years ago

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ZEP: S1 - MAX & ZOEY TIMELINE

This is part of my ZEP: S1 Thoughts Master Post

Here’s the new & updated long analysis post for ZEP S1. This one features the whole season, all 12 episodes.

Just me...dissecting & analyzing the storyline...with focus on Zoey & Team Max. But since the stories are so intertwined, there’s Zoey/dad & Zoey/Simon talk, too. Among other things...relevant to it all...

ZEP: MAX & ZOEY - THOUGHTS 1 [LINK HERE]

Zoey/Max Timeline

Yes, unless Max knows something we don’t know about Zoey (that she, just like her dad, actually, secretly loves big gestures and moments) his choice for how he professed his love seems to be wrong way to declare his love for this specific lady. Because according to what we know Zoey is not into music (but then again…the use of a flash mob was a plot twist device by the writers… who just decided to use that surprise for Max/Zoey, when it could’ve been any other character… but this was simply done so that the show could mess with Zoey’s powers and give her character “oh, this isn’t in my head, this is real” moment.) But… that’s just a possible bad choice by the character, not anything horrible. And that’s the way he knows how to say it, even if a small, personal, reveal seems more Zoeys style.

But… are we actually correct in assuming this? After the flashmob she never once mentioned anything about it being “too much of a public declaration for her taste”. She even called it “an amazing gesture”, which tells us that while she might be uncomfortable with “big moments” in general (public speaking…), she is comfortable with them with people she’s closed to (her dad, her best friend…) And we saw her talk about it with Max & with Mo. Her only worry was related to him telling her, in reality (not just in her mind…via heart song) that he has feelings for her. She has not shown any worry regarding it being done via “grand gesture”. So… is it possible that it actually isn’t so “not her” as we assume?

Just as perhaps Max from 1x09 is not as “passive” and “not interested in promotion” as Max from 1x01? Perhaps time & peer reviews, and everything else…has changed him? And he’s actually interested in climbing the career ladder.,.. as opposed to the Max in the Pilot, who told Zoey that he does not want any of that…

Maybe Zoey is her fathers daughter, and actually (secretly) loves big moments & grand gestures? Because her dad is all about “big moments”. And maybe it’s actually really appropriate for Max to tell Zoey about his feelings this way, in “big moments/grand gesture” style flash mob? To honor her dad…in a way. Cause Mitch loves these kind of moments & Mitch is No 1 in Zoey’s life, so… maybe we’re all wrong in assuming it was “not Zoey’s style”? Everything on the show so far points to this - there’s no indication that she didn’t like the “big gesture”. The only reason why it “freaked her out” is because of her superpower...which he had no knowledge of at that time/moment.

We saw the events through Zoey’s eyes & her POV on what’s going on with/between her & her bff.

From Max’s POV this is what’s going on with Zoey/his relationship with Zoey:

She ends their regular movie nights…with no explanation. Something that they’ve done…forever…since they are best friends. (He probably thinks it’s because of her dad’s health and that she’s focused on..that… after her promotion he even asks if her “weidness” is because of “her dad” and/or her now being his boss)

She starts acting strangely…around him, and general…and she doesn’t talk to him anymore (it’s been implied that they’re BFF and talk about everything… but she hasn’t told him what’s up with her). He wonders if it’s because of her dad’s health and everything related to it (but he doesn’t know if its only because of that, or if there’s something more/else, too)

He has feelings for her, but he doesn’t tell her (she only finds out cause she can hear his heart songs). Finding out that her BF has deeper feelings for her freaks her out, even though he himself does not pressure her or anything like that..yet. She is the one who assumes their “discussion” at work is presumed as “lovers quarrel” & she is the one who presumes that “is it a date” means he considers a meal together as date…when all he means is “are you free to go” (to the new place which they both wanted to go to..as friends) Up until the flash mob there is zero “pushing” from him.

He only sings love songs to her when he’s single - during the time he’s dating someone else (Autumn) he stops singing to her, because he’s not a cheater. When he’s with someone, he’s with that someone, and devoted to that person..only. So he stops for a while.

He sees & hears her say that the thing she had for/with Simon is over (1x06) & that she’s not doing any of that anymore. Since she doesn’t talk about any of it with him, this is all he knows so he assumes she meant it, and she’s done chasing the engaged man. This is also probably the only inside info she has on the whole Z/S situation - what he sees/hears during the “burnt roses” moment. (So… it is not a nice surprise when he learns in 1x08 that after everything her words were not true, cause it’s not all over/done with S…)

Why he doesnt believe her right away when she tells him of her powers: As a rational person he has a hard time believing her claims about superpowers at first. Also… it seems like such a “lie” to change the subject, and simply avoid giving him an honest answer (yes OR no) But after hearing some more facts he starts believing. And by the time she “glitches” he has no doubt that she’s going through all this…

Both Zoey and Max are emotionally challenged. (tbh, just like Max I believed Autumn when she said that all is cool when they broke up during their morning jog. I’m emotionally challenged, too. I honestly did not know that what she said and what she thought/felt were different, so I get why it came as a surprise to him to learn she wasn’t cool about it) The whole Autumn/Max break-up tells us that Max doesn’t get the subtle clues, and needs to hear the words to know the truth. Hence he believes what Zoey tells him… at first.

He misreads her signals in 1x05 - 1x06 - 1x07 (”I need more Max”, reinstating their movie nights, touching his bicep, commenting she needs more Max in her life, checking him out when he’s shirtless, etc), and based on that confesses his love for her via flashmob. What surprises him is not so much that she doesn’t respond with the same, but that she doesn’t give him an answer…at all. (Mo explained it best to Zoey…later; the boy deserved an answer… even if it’s “I don’t know…yet”. Also… we’ve never heard her say that she didn’t appreciate it because it was a big gesture…so she might not be as uncomfortable with the gesture as we think) Instead she runs, and then she avoids giving him an answer, kinda changing the subject, and telling him about her powers. Instead of telling him the truth right away, cause truth might hurt, but it’s better than avoidance/ignoring.

This is shown later in the episode, when after Zoey finally gives him her…messy & selfish answer… he’s hurt, but content. She tells him that the reasons why she isn’t ready to go from friends to more is because her focus has to be on her dad for now & because she’s afraid that “they” won’t work out & she’ll lose her best ftiend…for good… and she can’t risk that… at this time. This is not the answer he hoped for, but as Mo predicted…this is the answer he accepts. That can be seen in the elevator scene with Simon. He’s OK with waiting & this not being the right time (cause she needs to focus on her dad at the moment). He also doesn’t say they’re done, he asks what she asked - pressing pause on their traditional friends activities like movie nights.

During the 1x07 end elevator convo he also learns that the totally engaged man has been “keeping tabs” on Zoey & Z/M. Which concerns him. Cause why is an engaged man looking at other women & paying attention to whom they socialize with (when his focus should only be on his fiancee)? Like Mo, he probably thinks “the guy is a player” after this convo. And again… he, as Zoey’s friend, is not in the wrong, when he thinks he should “protect” her from the morally questionable guy.

Then in the “very next day basically” he learns that she wasn’t completely honest with him. And since she promised 100% honesty to him, he’s hurt that she as his friend isn’t being honest. She sings him a love song (it is possible that she wasn’t aware of her deep feelings for him…but after this she definitely is…100%)…but then tries to take back the honesty and claim that the truth she spoke is not the truth. But what really hurts him is how her “honesty” from their last convo turns out to be a lie (and we know it is, because we’ve seen Zoey tell her mom & Mo about her real feelings, not the cleaned up version she told Max at the end of 1x07) - and he voices why he’s upset. It’s not because she doesn’t return his feelings, it’s because she wasn’t honest with her best friend. Because through her heart songs he knows for a fact that she has feelings for him - that she loves him, too. So he’s not upset that she doesn’t love him back. He even says it during their bathroom convo - the best reason to be “mad” at her is that she told him she loves him/she’s his, when she didnt mean to tell him this (the truth). Meaning: she thinks it’s “unfair” he’s upset that “she sang him a heart song, when she didn’t mean to”… or in other words: she thinks it’s fair to keep the truth a secret from him…and this rigth after she promised 100% honesty to him… and he doesn’t agree with the secret-keeping.

We saw Max’s feelings progression since Pilot: in 1x01 he THINKS he’s in love with her, in 1x02 he’s a SUCKER for her & by 1x07 he fully admits he LOVES her. With Zoey the timeline is..kinda… starting in 1x06… The “500 miles” moment is her “I think I love you” moment & her heart song to him in 1x08 is basically her “I love you” moment.

She claims she isn’t ready for a relationship because she needs to focus on her dad right now, when in reality she really is torn between two men - and she wants Max to be her emotional support and shoulder to lean on (knowing he loves her, and knowing that he knows that she knows he loves her), while she herself is pursuing another man, Simon. An engaged man she’s obsessed with cause she “finds his body hot & has a grief bond with”. (in reality: her role has mostly been being his grief therapist - and she’s not really told him about her dad that much…so it’s pretty much one-sided anyway) But just as she didn’t want to be the other woman, he doesn’t want to be the other man/third wheel… and that’s understandable.

Then when Max gets the job offer he goes to his best friend for support. And while I personally read the scene as him saying “no, that was not the right answer, but it gave me mine (I’m taking the job)” being a response to her asking “was this the right answer?” because this meant she wasn’t still being honest with him, and instead of giving her her true answer she gave him the answer she thought he wanted to hear… I am willing to accept that what the writers meant was that he wanted her to give a more personal answer and/or ask him to stay because he is a valuable member of the team.

Her reply was as his boss, and co-worker/friend. She only focused on their work relationship, not their personal friendship. She’ll miss sitting across from him… not that she’ll miss him outside work (and yes…it’s only two floors up, and working in different departments does not mean they can’t hang out oustide work…) but still her answer did not include her role as best friend/possible future romantic partner….even when he asked her to specify the “I’m Your’s Zoey’s” answer - she only focused on the work related part when replying…to that. This gave him the clarity needed - she’s not into him, so he did the right thing & put space between them. Since she didn’t include the “I’m Yours Zoey” that meant to him that she’d choosen Simon…and just as it’s very human to grieve and cheat…it’s also very human to feel hurt/heartbroken. And he should not have to subject himself to seeing her with someone else (when he knows she has feelings for both) - making the same mistakes over again she’s made before with her relationships. So his choice was the right one…for both. They need time apart, time to grow as individuals, time to reflect…

Yes his speech in 1x10 was directed mostly to her, but he was adressing the whole 4th floor/Team, really. Cause no-one stood up to give him a “good luck” hug when he came to collect his things. And his best friend didn’t even have any encouraging words to him…on the day he moved to the 6th floor…. and even admitted she didn’t get to get him a “good luck gift” (which he could just assume is because she’s busy with her dad, but we know that while she had 4 days to buy that pen/mouse…and didn’t, she managed to get a plant as housewarming gift for the other man in like 4 hours. And we also know that she voiced no concerns about losing her best friend and a good team member at work…while talking to Mo… yet she had lots of things to say about “the man who just broke up, and whom I said I would not chase anymore, but now that he’s been single for 4 seconds, we can make out and it’s not cheating this time anymore”… so she’s showing no signs of caring about his best friends life changes, while caring a lot about the other mans life changes)

So of course he feels underappreciated on the 4th floor. The peer reviews, the boss, the team manager, the job offer… it all plays a part in his decision. And the D*rk Point boss knows exactly what to say…to make him feel appreciated…something he didn’t feel he got on the 6th floor… but he didn’t realize until he heard Ava point out his good work..with the maze, with the chirp pitch…and though he may not realize that Ava, too, has her own agenda, hearing that he is appreciated…as a worker & as a human…made him feel good (we saw how important positive feedback is for everyone during the peer reviews plot), and he realized he didn’t get any of that, really, on the 4th floor. And once again… while he may have secretly wanted to hear her say “stay”, what he actually really wanted/needed was for her to encourage him, and show genuine happiness for him, and for her to be completely honest with him. And he didn’t feel like that’s something she could be right now. To put it in her own terms: “everyone is so nice & polite, and no one is giving me the raw & honest feedback”…cause her reply to him when asked about the job offer was “polished” & “nice”, not “honest & raw”. (and I think we all agree that her telling him to take it & him taking it was the right move…for all… cause they both need space & to grow individually)

In the Pilot we learn that Max thinks he’s not management material & he’s not looking for career opportunity. So to Zoey’s knowledge this is not in character for him? So whether or not he’s changed during the time between then & now, to Max’s knowledge she knows that he likes being just a coder. So for her to not know him…and not remember that he’s told her this, could be disappointing. So her reply: That’s a great career opportunity MIGHT tell him that she doesn’t know him and what he wants. (this is the flashmob argument: we, fans, think that a flashmob is “not Zoeys style” & we, fans, think that promotion is “not Max’s style”. We might be wrong, cause we don’t know everything about the characters + they can change…over time…)

Another thing she says to him when he asks advice regarding the job offer is “I would never stop you from going after what you want”. When they both know that what he really wants is her - he’s made it clear. And yet… here she is saying she’d not stop him, when she is “stopping him” from doing just that. And at the same time…as pointed out in the last part… is a promotion what Max really wants? Cause it is not the case for “1x01 Max”…and we & Zoey haven’t been made aware that he’s changed his mind. So… does his best friend not know him? (or does she known him better…and know he’s changed his POV on promotions)

Max & Zoey have been best friends & colleagues…for 5 years…since the first day on the job. From Max’s POV…something changed..suddenly…a few months ago. For a while he didn’t know why and what, but now he knows why. And just like it took time for Zoey to adjust to her “power”, same applies to Max (adjusting to her powers).

From Max’s POV…his best friend is dishonest with him, she avoids him, she has changed, she comes to him when she needs him… but she herself doesn’t offer anything back (yes, he is aware she’s grieving, and he understands it, but his best friend is not letting her friends help her during the time she needs to lean on family/friends). We have rarely seen her talk to him about anything else than office gossip…or her powers related stuff…recently. And it’s heavily implied they used to talk…all the time… about everything. His best friend also set him up with another woman…just to avoid him after she learned that he has feelings for her. His best friend claims her focus has to be her dad, and she can’t do more than friendship at this time, but at the same time she continues pursing another man. And this after she promised to be 100% honest with him. And she betrayes that trust the “very next day”. So he has every right to be upset, and hurt.

Zoey has every right to be upset about the fact that she thinks Max is “pushing her to have feelings for him” (when they both know… for a fact..after her heart song that she does have feelings for him), but in this case Max has every right to be upset about the fact that he thinks “she is avoiding him”. She has the right to grieve, so does he. If she has the right to be upset that Simon doesn’t return her feelings… then Max has the right to be upset that she doesn’t return his feelings. The same rules have to apply to all, not just main character. And if you look at the storylines closely, you’ll see the parallels… the things that Zoey is upset about (fans are upset about) regarding Simon’s behaviour (when pursuing him) are the same exact things that Max is upset about regarding Zoey (his pursuit of her). The same way that some fans point out Max is “obsessed with Zoey” there’s a parallel story with Zoey is “obsessed with Simon”. All Max wanted from Zoey was what Zoey wanted from Simon - clarity. For her/him to have clarity. And just as she felt the other man didn’t have it, he felt that she didn’t have it.

Because we, the audience, know that Zoey (thinks she has) has feelings for both men - her behaviour in past episodes (especially 1x06 - 1x07) and her heart song confirm that she has feelings for Max, and because he knows her secret, he knows that that’s a fact. So he has every right to be upset that she “doesn’t like him back/doesn’t want to be with him”, when he knows that she does love him back, while claiming the opposite. And she won’t talk to him about it…

From his POV it is as follows: they both have admitted they love each other. She claims she needs time to deal with her grief and can’t risk their friendship. She tells him she loves him…and the very next minute goes to another mans arms - that’s the part that upsets him. He’s not upset that she’s not returning his feelings/not wanting to date him, nope. He’s “upset” because he, as her best friend who knows her & her past relationships, knows that her thing with the engaged man will not end well for her. And yes, he is not wrong in saying that in a case when she has feelings for two men it’s a better option to choose the best friend, who has always been there for her (she’s said this herself) than the totally engaged (until just recently) & morally questionable, emotionally unavailable grieving hot guy.

While Max choices have been just “mistakes” (perhaps not the best idea to confess your feelings via flash mob to a girl who only listens to podcasts?), then Simon’s choices have been actual “bad decisions” - cheating. And though both Simons & Zoey’s bad choices have been rooted in their grief/depression, they cannot “excuse” it with being a mess due to grief. Instead of continuing the downward spiral they should own their mistakes, acknowledge them as not good choices. It’s one thing to use the wrong gesture to confess your love to somone, and completely another thing to cheat on your fiancee (and blame it on being a mess cause of grief). Those two things should not be comparable.

I can’t believe how some people see Max response to her “no one understand why you got the promotion” (translation: you didn’t deserve it) as harsh. Like her cruel words were “justified” because she’s grieving...or just because…even though she was not right to say them, but his behaviour has been “unacceptable”. Yes, his comments to Zoey are not the friendliest (when he’s telling why he chooses 6th floor over 4th… after the “The Boy is Mine” sing-off, but they are nothing compared to Zoey’s “you don’t deserve this promotion & you are selfish for not being there for me whenever I need something from you”.

We can all see & understand that each character has flaws & makes mistakes & says some things they shouldn’t. But some of these things are “worse” than the others. And his reply to her rude-fuled-by-her-anger-phase-of-grieving comment to him was tame. He was actually quite calm & cool during his response to her (you’re calling me selfish?). And he directed the coded message at Zoey on the 6th floor directly at her because he knows she’s emotionally challenged, so she needed to undrerstand that it was directed at her, too…so she’d start understanding that she hurt him with her words/behaviour too. He wanted her to get that message, cause he had seen that until now she had no idea how her actions/inactions affect him.

He may seem like being “upset” with her… but it’s also understandable, because she kinda broke his heart, and just as she’s allowed to not return his feelings, he’s allowed to feel sad that she doesn’t. To put it in “fairytale terms”. But he’s in no way pressuring her to return his feelings & start a relationship now. All he wants/needs from her is honesty & clarity.

And mostly… when will Zoey finally give Simon the advice he needs - go see a professional therapist! What the man needs is professional help not a mind-reader, who is a mess herself. And is Zoey doesn’t stop keeping it all in and won’t talk to her family/friends about her grief, then she, too, will soon need professional help… (therapist).

Through all of this Max’s there for her: he supports her when she’s interested in the new guy..(until he finds out the man is taken); he supports her to go after the promotion; he brings her dad… his “closest thing to a dad he’s had” soft food…that he can eat, he goes to support her when she gets a call about her dad’s health & he finds a way to get her to her dad..fast; he saves her “glitch song” and turns it into a pitch for the CEO; he goes to check on her, & gives her her mom’s message..even when he’s hurt by her (and on top of that he gives her good friend advice about her dad). And she does acknowledge this..on several occasions. So…this “social distancing” (physical distance between them during work & off work) is needed to make her/them start to see things from different perspective, and realize some truths… that only distance/change could give them.

There is a real inconsistancy between what she really feels & thinks…and what she says/acknowledges she feels & thinks.

And it all won’t start moving forward & she won’t start character development until she’ll truly embrace her powers. Cause she still seems to view them as “burden” instead of “helpful tool”. Sure… she has started to realize the good she can do with having this ability (in general Howie/Abigail situation was the first time she really used her ability to really improve the situation & first time she really emphatized...though we could say that in a way the first case was her downstairs neighbour, Bonnie), but until she fully embraces it all, she’ll remain “lost”. The turning point will be actually losing her dad…for real.

There is a lot that I don’t understand 100% about what the show is trying to do… with Max “pushing* Zoey for answers to his confession of love” & his reaction to her answer about whether he should take the job offer…or even why they keep saying there’s a deep bond between Z & S, when all they’ve established is that they talked to each other about losing their dads & are physically attracted to each other. Or even why Zoey says that they kissed, when in reality he kissed her. Or Simon’s behaviour…which I don’t think is ONLY just about not dealing with his grief…and all that.

* I don’t see it as him pushing her or demanding answers or anything like that. But this is the sense many get, hence I used this word

#ZEP #ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #CLARKEMAN #LONG POST #ZOEYS' EP #TEXT POST #ONG POST #LIST POST #ZOEYS EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #Zoey's EP #Zoey Clarke #Max Richman #Zomax #Zax #ZEP S1 #ZEP SEASON 1 #SEASON 1

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snarkwriteswrasslin · 4 years ago

Note

FFT: I Wrote Myself Back in the Narrative

AHHH. First of all, without YOU, bb.. This idea would’ve never really full on clicked like it has. So.. Thank you so so so much and ILY. Second. This is written first person, split between our mystery guy from part 1 and the female’s pov as they... continue to deal with things. I triiiied things here.

It’s still angsty as hell, smh. It’s gonna be angsty as hell for a hot minute. Idek if I can promise that it’ll end on a good note. Because now there are two more parts to this. Thank you again, so so much because you heavily inspired me and without the input you gave, ugh. I would’ve fucked this up so bad.

Warnings: Angst. So much angst. Or my /attempt/ at angst. Maybe the next part will be happier, who knows. Are we ready to find out who this man in part 1 was? I have a feeling ya’ll are gonna murder me. OH OH... This whole part of everything takes place over the course of a few weeks in between each section. If that makes sense.

Tag Squad:

@kyleoreillysknee

@rampagewriting

@writertoo18

@thatnerdwriter

@wrestlingismyguiltypleasure

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@unabashedwrestlefics

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[ tag list ] [ masterlist ] [ about ] [ part 1 ]

A D A M

“You did the right thing, man. I told ya, you were rushing headfirst into something. You were sparing her, man. We both know where it was heading. Now I know you’ve been missin her lately, but you gotta stay the course… Trust me.” Matt’s voice broke through my thoughts and I forced myself to at least shrug my shoulders and pretend to be listening to him going on and on and on.

It’s nights like tonight I really wish the guy would shut the hell up sometimes. It’s like he thinks it’s his place to tell me exactly what to do. Or when I’m doin’ something and he thinks I ought to be doing it different.

“Matt, man.. C’mon, knock it off. He’s hurting right now.” That was Nick. Probably the only real voice of reason at the moment. I could feel him glare at Matty over my head and I didn’t bother looking up from the lukewarm beer sitting in front of me. Instead, I raised the glass to my lips and did my level best to ignore both. I told them I’d be fine coming out by myself tonight, whether I wanted them tagging along or not, here they were.

In my ear, like usual.

“I’m fine.” the words left my mouth in a harsh tone, the dull ache in my teeth makin me realize just how tight I was clenching my jaw right now. I rubbed my face and tried to get some relief as I looked around the bar.

Beside me on either side, they kept at it, almost as if I hadn’t said a word. Arguin over whether Matt was pushin too hard.

“Besides, man.. When I saw her last week, she looked totally fine.” Matt shrugged, smirking just a little. “In a little bit of a hurry, but she seemed like it didn’t bother her at all. I think she even said something about a date, I don’t know, man. But it’s like I said… You did the right thing. It wasn’t working, so you ended things before someone got hurt and things got real messy.”

Every part of me tensed up when Matt said he’d seen her and my head snapped around as I looked at him, trying not to lose my temper. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me… Matt was entirely too adamant about me staying away.

And we all know how he is when he wants something.

,, you’re the one who let her go. Did you think she’d just sit around waitin?” the thought came and man was I bitter about it.

“You look mad, Adam.”

“Well I’m not thrilled right now, Matt.” the words came out before I could stop them. And when they did, I realized just how much the thought of Matt Jackson anywhere near her really bothered me. How much it had all along. Because he thinks I’m stupid but I knew every single time he flirted with her. I know he’s the one who told her about my last relationship and how messed up I was when it ended.

How my ex was the love of my life, to quote him. While true, I didn’t want or need him speaking for me and telling her that. I didn’t ask him to butt in.

,, you never do, to be honest.”

My hand curled around the bottle sitting in front of me and I shotgunned it. If I didn’t so something, I was going to wind up havin it out with Matt Jackson once and for all. Not that it hasn’t been a long time comin.. Between him and Kenny, as of late, I’m startin to lose my damn mind.

I stay angry.

They’re supposed to be my best friends, damn it. I don’t wanna hate my best friends. I try not to. I do everything but bend over backwards to avoid rocking the boat. But Matt seein her and just throwing it up in conversation just now, with that fucking smirk. Like he’s trying to rub it in. I’m dangerously close to no longer caring.

I had to get outta there. Away from the two of them. I needed to be alone. I needed to think. To have time to hurt and feel like I was free to do it.

“Where are you going, huh? We’ve got food coming, man. C’mon. Stay out with us. You can’t keep going to your room and hiding.” Nick was trying desperately to keep the peace but honestly, I didn’t want to. I snatched up the remainder of the six pack I bought from the bartender earlier in the night, slammed badly wadded money down on the counter and I stood, shoving the stool back beneath the bar.

Nick caught up to me outside the bar, reaching out for my arm, trying to stop me, but I shoved his hand off.

“Can’t either of ya take a damn hint? I don’t wanna talk about how I did the right thing. I don’t wanna hear about Matt runnin into her. I just wanna go five goddamn minutes without feelin, okay? Can either of ya just let me have that?”

Nick flinched and I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Nick’s done nothin to me. Not like his brother and Kenny, always in my ear, always tryin to make me fall back in line and ignore my own gut. Or my own desires.

“Sorry, Nick. Look. I appreciate what you’re tryin to do but I ain’t exactly in the mood tonight, man. And I might not be in the mood for a while. And ya’ll have to be okay with that. Stop trying to make me snap out of it.”

“This is because Matt pulled that shit in there, right? I’ll talk to him later. Just take your time, man.” Nick managed a smile and I nodded, agreeing.

After he went back inside the bar to finish whatever food they ordered while watching the tail end of the game they’d dragged me out to watch with them tonight, I called an Uber and as I waited, I found myself doing it yet again.

Hovering over ❤ in my contacts, I was torn between finally doing it, finally deleting the last trace of her I had, from my life and just hitting call, just to see if she’d answer. Frustration made me shove the phone back into the pocket of my jeans without doing either and I went back to leaning up against the wall of the sports bar as I finished the open beer in my hand. I took the last sip, feeling the warmth slide down my throat and settle in my stomach, grimacing at the hangover already in progress. The Uber I’d called for pulled to a stop beside me and I got in, giving directions to the hotel and going silent after.

All the way across town and back to the hotel, I couldn’t stop thinking about that last night I saw her. Or the way it hurt like hell when Matt told me she seemed fine.

,, do you really want it to hurt her, though?”

I didn’t, but I couldn’t deny that maybe a part of me wanted her to miss me just a little. To hear Matt tell it, she’s fine and dandy. And this lead me to circle right back to how calmly she handled the whole thing that night.

And those doubts crept right back in again.

Maybe the guys were right. Maybe I did the right thing.

,, and Matt having a thing for flirting with her when you were together, right under your nose at that, that has absolutely nothing to do with why he thought it was a good idea.”

All I could honestly do was just sit in the backseat of the Uber and knock ‘em back, one behind the other. Anything else is out of the question right now. I am not goin’ down this road while I’m drunk and missin her.

If I did go down any road as far as all this is concerned, I wanna be one hundred percent sure I feel what I feel. I need to think. I need time outta the situation, without people in my ear.

This is something I have to do on my own.

VERONICA

Like most other nights, I tossed and turned on the king sized bed before finally calling it and getting up, grumbling to myself as I made my way down the hallway and into my kitchen. I started myself a pot of coffee and as I did that, I found myself scrolling Instagram.

Naturally, I found myself doing it, even though I unfollowed him on literally everything after things ended between us because it just hurt too damn much.

It’s been almost 5 months now and it still hurts. The pain still cuts like a knife when I actually give myself a little time to let it linger.

Kind of why I’ve thrown myself into work. I even made a Tinder profile, even though I’m absolutely loathe to use the damn thing.

Before I realized what I’d done, I’d typed his instagram handle into the search bar and I found myself scrolling his timeline while I sipped a steamy mug of coffee. “At least he looks okay.” I muttered to myself, shattering the heavy silence around me.

Despite myself, I wound up spending entirely too much time watching one of his random post match videos. Fingertip against the screen. It hurt so goddamn much and yet, it had to happen because all I could think about was how much he loved someone else and just kind of… settled for me.

Running into his friend Matt earlier this week hadn’t helped all this recent re-stirring. Because even now, actively not trying to think back and hurt and miss Adam knowing what happened between us was for the best… I kept going back to Matt reassuring me that Adam was perfectly fine and that he hadn’t been bothered by breaking up with me at all. And I kept getting more and more bitter over it.

When I felt a tear trek down my cheek, I tossed the phone onto the counter and scowled at my reflection in the microwave.

I told myself I was not settling for being silver. I wanna be someone’s gold.

,, but he made it so fucking easy to fall hard and fast. Get so wrapped up in him that for a little while, you didn’t think about that.” I blatantly shoved the thought down as soon as it crossed my mind and with a sigh, I sat the cup of coffee in the sink half drank.

I’ve got work. Other things to focus on. And I’m trying to look at the bright side here. One day, I’ll be someone’s gold.

VERONICA

→ You know you’re coming out with us tonight, right girl?

I got the text at 4:30, just as I walked out of the building I work in and stopped to dig around in my purse for my car keys. Once I read it, I laughed to myself and managed a smile. Normally, I’d have begged off. It’s what I’ve been doing a lot since things ended between Adam and I.

But I remembered what Matt told me two weeks ago when I bumped into him. Adam hasn’t wasted a single second caught up in what might have been. Why should I?

← Sure. 8, right? The usual spot?

→ Holy shit, is this a Christmas miracle coming early? You’re finally going to take a break from being Little Ms. Moneymaker?

I laughed to myself and opened the door to my car, getting in. As soon as I had, I dialed Marti’s number.

“Little Ms. Moneymaker, my ass. I’d like to see one shred of this money you think I’m making.” I responded to her last text seconds before, she hadn’t even said hello yet.

Marti laughed.

I turned into traffic, promptly getting stuck at a long red. “Fuck me alive.. It had to be the longest light in town.” I grumbled to myself, listening to Marti telling me about a soccer player she met at our usual bar a few weeks ago and how he’s supposed to be back from the road tonight and meeting her.

“Oh? Well, guess who made a Tinder and hasn’t bothered looking at it since.”

“You.. Wait…” Marti was laughing, I know she didn’t believe me, “You made a Tinder.”

“Yes.” I almost wanted to laugh at myself, shaking my head as I admitted it.

“Well? Have you met anybody?” she grilled.

“I made the profile and haven’t bothered looking at it since.” I admitted sheepishly, foot on the gas as the light changed from red to green.

“That’s it. Tonight, so help me. You’re swiping right on at least one guy.”

“Teenie..”

“Don’t Teenie me. This is happening. Not to mention, I have to see if you actually made your profile worth looking at twice. Especially if you want hookups. And trust me girl, you need a hookup.”

“Like I need a goddamn hole in my head.” I snorted in laughter as I pulled my car to a stop at the curb in front of my house. “But fine.. Since you insist. You can look over my Tinder profile and see if it looks like I’m worth risking a swipe on.”

“You are, don’t say that. You just… try to hide the real you under all that boring shit.”

I bit my lip as I let her words sink in.

Maybe she had a point. I hadn’t truly let Adam in until I thought it was safe to do so and look how that one turned out. I sighed quietly, nodding to myself as I shut the door to my car with my hip. “Okay. Hint taken. But maybe I need to change all that.”

“So maybe you’ll pull the stick out of your ass tonight and have just a little fun? You know I hate seeing you hurting like this.”

“It doesn’t hurt. It was for the best… That whole thing ended.”

As much as I hate admitting it, given what Matt told me when we ran into each other, things ending with Adam and I had to be the right choice.

,, but what if you’re totally wrong?”

ADAM

I’m not even sure what possessed me to look her up when we got a little break between shows and the road. I don’t know what the hell I thought it’d accomplish, casually bumpin into her again, other than ripping the band-aid off a healing wound.

But here I was. Standing in the parking lot of her office building. Hidden out of sight, of course. Not that I was going to stay hidden. No, I’d come all this way to do exactly one thing… To fix the mess I now know full well I made that night.

I’ve had time out of it all and I realized one thing.

Somewhere in everything, I really had fallen for her. Hard.

I just had to hope it wasn’t too late. But prepare myself because lately, my luck’s been absolute shit.

My breath caught in my throat as I watched her walking out. I bit my lip, eyes roaming slowly, just taking her in. Because I hadn’t done that nearly enough when she was mine. I was an idiot.

Seeing her again felt like a suckerpunch to the stomach. The wind got knocked right out of me. I stood there, trying to will myself to step out. To say or do anything. Even if it was simple as a hey.

She walked right past me, towards her Camaro a few rows back and she leaned against the Camaro, laughing and talking. I had to get closer but at the same time, I knew that all I was doing was torturing myself, especially if I came all this way and said nothing.

I watched her smile light up the world around me as a car pulled to a stop next to her car. The guy got out and she smiled even brighter, her cheeks tinting pink, her eyes lighting up, the streetlight above bathing her in a cool white glow as the sun sank lower.

The guy didn’t strike me as her type. Dark haired, wearin a suit. He held out a bouquet of roses and my stomach sank to the ground. I raised a hand, tugging at my hair as it hit me.

Everything I realized recently was too little, too late.

I turned and started to walk away, I think I wandered about two blocks before I stopped at a little bar and went in, ordering myself a few rounds. Almost the instant my ass met stool, my cell phone was buzzing in my pocket. I rolled my eyes when I realized that it was Kenny calling.

Kenny who suggested I come here. Seeing her might prove things one way or another. I shouldn’t have fucking listened to him, but naturally.. He insisted, so I finally gave in to get him off my ass.

“Well?”

“I think it’s really over, man. I saw her, alright. And she’s happy. Too happy to do what I came to do.”

“So you’re good now. You can let this go. You can stop all this pushing you’ve been doing lately?”

“Oh, I’m not stoppin that. We all know I deserve a shot. I just know better than to mess up her happiness. I love her too much for that.”

“Damn it, Adam, we’ve all went over this with you. Your time is coming. Just not right now. Besides, “ Kenny paused, taking a few deep breaths. I could feel his annoyance over the conversation through the phone.

That’s not a surprise. Lately, I’ve started to see that unless it’s about them? They’re not interested. And maybe I’m tired of letting everybody else dictate what direction I take. Hell, that’s the whole reason I ended things with her to begin with.

I let my insecurities get in the way. Kept thinking one day she’d leave too.

Now I just want her back.

So if I can’t have her back? I’m at least going to do something about everything else I want that stays just outside my grasp.

“Besides what, huh?” I snapped, chewing on a toothpick I’d taken from the little dispenser full sitting in front of me, scowling at the phone in my hands.

“You’re not in your best form right now, buddy and you haven’t been in weeks.”

I hung up before he could say anything else.

And as I sat there, nursing round after round, I found myself doing it for the millionth time… Going to her instagram and going through every single thing she’s posted. Hovering over her name in my contacts list and nearly calling five, six, almost seven times before I finally sighed and made myself delete her number.

I really fucked it up this time.

And honestly? Knowing that hurts more than the end ever did in the first place...

#kyleoreillysknee

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fiercestpurpose · 5 years ago

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hi u talked about how jean often gets overlooked as a mother, would u be willing to talk more about it? its really curious to me how scott is often associated with the role of 'father' and his relationships with nathan and rachel, how he 'failed them etc, gets talked about to death but people dont talk about jeans as much. anyways would love to hear what u have to say!

Hi! I really have three main categories of thoughts about this: Jean’s relationship with Rachel, Jean’s relationship with Cable, and Jean’s relationship with the idea of family/her own motherhood.

Jean’s relationship with Rachel is… complicated. First of all, Jean is incredibly important in Rachel’s life, but it’s not always our (616) Jean. Rachel is obviously the biological daughter of another woman, 811 Jean, and that woman raised her and was her mother until she died when Rachel was about 8 (well before the rest of Rachel’s X-Men did). Losing a parent that young is frequently very traumatic and defining, and it certainly was for Rachel, so she develops this relationship that is not so much with Jean as it is with Jean’s death. She comes to the 616 and she learns that Jean is already dead, and she vows to reclaim the name Phoenix and honour her mother’s memory (even though 616 Jean is not really her mother). And then, at least twice during the Cross-Time Caper, Rachel has to watch different universe’s versions of Jean die, trying and failing to save her. So Rachel has this whole relationship with Jean as a concept, with Jean dying and leaving her, before she and 616 Jean ever develop a real relationship with each other.

And sometimes, people (fans and writers both) use Rachel’s preexisting relationship with Jean As A Conceptual Mother as evidence that 616 Jean doesn’t really count as Rachel’s mother. However, 616 Jean and Rachel do have a relationship. It starts with Jean rejecting Rachel, denouncing her because she doesn’t accept the future that Rachel represents and doesn’t want to consider her as her daughter. She later apologizes for this, saying that she shouldn’t have pushed her problems onto Rachel because they weren’t Rachel’s problems to deal with. And we see them hug and make up and it’s clear that they consider each other family.

That relationship, the daughter viewing her mother as a concept more than a person, the mother pushing her problems onto the daughter and trying not to accept the future that she thinks the daughter represents, reads to me as a very believable mother-daughter relationship. The circumstances are a little strange, but the emotions are familiar. Many children have a hard time adjusting to seeing their parents as their own people. Many parents have a hard time recognizing their grown children as being their own people and also their children. It’s a very complex relationship that’s certainly worth exploring, and referencing it only when they want to make a joke of it (as X-Men Gold and All-New X-Men both did) is a sign of writers who are not really invested in the emotional lives of those characters.

Onto Cable! In some ways, Jean’s relationship with him is a lot simpler because he is actually and inarguably her child. To be clear, she’s not his biological mother, and we’re going to put her blood relationship to his biological mother aside because it’s not actually that important. Jean is his mother because she raised him. In X-Factor vol 1, she becomes one of his primary caregivers once his mother is out of the picture, largely because she is dating his father at the time. (I’m not going to get into the whole Sinister-creating-Maddy-to-breed-with-Scott thing or the Maddy-living-in-Jean’s-head thing. It’s messy and it complicates things, but it doesn’t change the basic facts of Jean’s situation.) Jean in X-Factor is a co-parent with a day job, a woman who’s responsible for feeding the baby and changing his diapers and helping teach him how to walk and talk and keeping him safe from harm (that time she takes him into a fight excluded, of course). The first manifestation of baby Christopher’s psychic powers is that he and Jean share a special telepathic bond. It’s hard to tell how long this goes on for (comic timelines are, as always, vague and difficult to pin down), but it’s at least several months.

After Simonson’s run on X-Factor, baby Christopher is removed from the picture by being sent off to the far-future — only to be raised by Slym and Redd, who are, of course, Scott and Jean. As a Scott fan, a Jean fan, and a Scott/Jean fan, I’m always surprised and frustrated by how little The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix gets referenced. This is years of their lives that they spend raising their son. Specifically, twelve years, which is quite a long time, and means that Cable is probably 13 by the time Slym and Redd have to leave. Redd is the mother that Cable remembers when he grows up. She’s the one who rocks him to sleep, who negotiates with his father about how to properly raise their son, who does everything in her power to protect him while continuing to participate in a secret rebel organization. And the telepathic connection he had to her resurfaces, so that they are able to fight together on the astral plane.

(If you ever want to cry about Scott/Jean or Cable’s childhood or the Summers family in general, I highly recommend The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix. I will forgive Lobdell any number of crimes because he gave us such an excellent miniseries.)

But she isn’t just there during his childhood. Jean has a relationship with her adult son as well. They work together as X-Men many times, before and after she realizes that he is her son. Of course, there are those incredibly cute panels you may have seen of Scott and Jean and Cable all getting together to celebrate Christmas. And after the defeat of Apocalypse, when Scott is believed to be dead, Jean and Cable become especially close. It is Jean that Cable confides in, sharing with her his feelings, his loss of purpose now that his war is over, how hard it is for him to be vulnerable again. And when Jean thinks Scott is still alive but no one else believes her, Cable is the one who comes with her and helps her bring him back. Unfortunately, post-Search for Cyclops, Morrison comes in, and Morrison has no interest in love or families and does have an interest in killing Jean off to further his ship.

Prime Cable is dead now, of course, so I cannot hope that writers will explore that relationship any further. (EDIT: Oh, yeah, he maybe sort of came back again in a comic last month. Clearly that shocking turn of events made a big impression on me.) I did enjoy getting to see Jean and Hope bond after his death over the love they shared for him, and I can wish that the writers will carry that relationship forward. As for Bable (baby Cable), he’s an angry teenager who experienced the events of The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #4 about three or four years ago. He’s angry, he’s upset, he’s lashing out by killing his future self. There could be something really interesting there, in Jean’s relationship with Bable, if they chose to remember that he’s still the kid she raised. Her place as the mother of a rebellious teenager is complicated because he’s both the boy who brought her husband back to life and the boy who killed the adult son that she loved. If writers looked past the soap opera of it all to actually acknowledge the emotions involved, they’d see there was an interesting story there, one that is not just about the Scott/Cable relationship but necessarily involves Jean as well.

I’m sure there are things to be said about Stryfe and Nate Grey, but I honestly do not know or care enough about alternate versions of Cable to really have a coherent picture of Jean’s relationship with them, so I’m gonna skip that.

Next, I want to talk about Jean’s relationship with the concept of family. I would like to mention (as I always do), that Jean’s entire family — her parents, her siblings, and her siblings’ children — were murdered by aliens. How she feels about this is a mystery, as the comics have not addressed it at all, but she might feel guilty, because though it’s not her fault, they were killed because of her. She might also feel guilty because while family in the abstract is very important to her, her relationship with them was strained and she wasn’t as close to them as she’d like to be. She might also feel angry as hell that somebody decided to murder her family despite them doing absolutely nothing to provoke it. Any of those emotional responses would influence how she relates to her children and her granddaughter. Maybe she becomes a little more attached and attentive because she has no other family left. Maybe she distances herself from them out of grief. Maybe she rounds up her incredibly angry son and takes him into the stars to attack aliens so they can be angry together. I think any of those, done properly, could be interesting and in-character for her, and I just want some writer to acknowledge Jean as a character with her own history and her own relationships that shape her actions.

Finally, Jean’s relationship with the concept of her own motherhood. Jean is someone who wanted and expected to be a mother. I usually tend to read Jean as coming from a more traditional and conservative family, but I don’t think that’s an adequate explanation. I think Jean genuinely wants children. In X-Factor, she says, “I always thought we’d have a girl,” when talking to Scott, showing that she had thought about children being part of their future. When she talks to Rachel about her upcoming marriage to Scott, she mentions that she thinks it likely that another Rachel will be born. She wants kids, she’s seen them as part of her future for a long time, and then she got them! She got to be a mother, to Nathan Christopher and to Rachel, as explained above. I think a woman who wanted to be a mother and now is a mother should be allowed to have real relationships with her children. This isn’t like Emma, whose distance from the Cuckoos can be read as her viewing herself more as their teacher than their mother, since Emma always understands herself as a teacher. When Jean holds a baby in X-Men Red and winks at the mother and tells her that she’s implanted a psychic suggestion he not cry so much, that’s because Jean has been responsible for a baby before. Being a mother is part of who Jean is, just like it’s part of who Jubilee is or who Sue is, and I wish that writers and fans understood that.

#Do I have thoughts about Jean? Oh boy do I!#jean grey #rachel grey #x men blogging #asks #Anonymous #long post for ts #ch: heart and soul #ch: mind and will #cable

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elixir448 · 5 years ago

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Good Girls 3x03 Thoughts

Right. Well. I’ve kind of been stalling with writing this post just because the fandom is so divided over this episode. This is just my opinion obviously.

Overall, I enjoyed the episode. While I certainly didn’t love certain plot devices that were utilised, I can’t say I necessarily hated them either, which is...interesting.

Opening Scene

Oh my god. OH MY GOD. What an amazing scene. Christina and Manny are FIRE and they killed it!! I have never ever seen two actors with this much on-screen chemistry and I am basically 100% sure that I never will again, which is amazing but also sucks haha.

Rio is just his pettiest, best little shit self in this scene haha. The way he starts just casually asking about her kids and about Jane being the super star forward of the team. I NEED MORE JANE AND MARCUS AS BESTIES RIGHT NOW.

The way Beth just stares at him with those big, blue eyes and then glances away and around them at times. Her terrified, shocked silence. Gosh, Christina managed to convey so much despite only saying two words in the entire scene; she said everything with her face and eyes, her posture and the way her shoulders were set so that she was leaning slightly away from Rio.

The fact that Rio kept the freaking bullets she shot him with, the way he spend a few seconds sorting through them in his hands and knows which one is which, the way he kissed the first bullet. You cannot tell me that he hasn’t had those bullets with him sometimes, that he didn’t take them out in his hotel room and think about Beth, what they were and what she had done to him. Jesus. That’s literally all I can think about now. You know what I need now that the writers brought back the bullets in such an amazing way? THE PEARLS!

Gosh, the way Rio said Don’t. Do. That. The fear was very real in that moment and it felt so jarring; I was kind of thrown back to the scene in 1x08, where Rio grabs Beth by the back of her neck and touches her for the first time. This is the first time he has touched her since his ‘resurrection’ and it’s suddenness was kind of similar to 1x08.

Throughout this entire scene, you can just tell that Rio’s thought about this moment so many times, that he’s thought about how he wants to make her suffer, go through some mental anguish for what she did. He couldn’t just shoot her as she got out of her car, in an impersonal manner, or get somebody else to do it. It definitely would have been easier and more successful. But they have history now and it’s too personal and I love that we can feel that in this scene.

“And then you gotta wait for it and, trust me, that’s, that’s just way worse”. Oh my gosh, Rio’s face, his almost manic laughter and smile, the way it turns into a grimace. The shaky cam. THE SHAKY CAM. I have no clue who was responsible for it but the shaky camera only served to emphasise Rio’s turmoil, his fury and his disgust.

But then as soon as all that turmoil and emotion become obvious, he doubles down and adopts a faux gentle manner again, with his voice becoming soft and placating, his arm around the back of his chair and stroking her hair so gently away from her face. I love that we were all thinking about how face and hair touches wouldn’t be back for a while. But nope. Rio’s out here destroying us all.

And then he stands up and says let’s get this over with and we get a shot of Beth’s face as she looks down, with Rio just standing on the periphery of the screen, hovering around her. I am in love with that shot. To me, it’s so representative of what Rio has been to Beth since they met and started orbiting around one another, never quite able to drift awat from one another. His presence just hangs around her and, even when he isn’t in a scene, Rio casts a very long shadow over Beth’s life and he’s a constant presence, even in her solo scenes. I feel like that is something this season has really doubled down on, whether it’s Beth thinking about what she’s done, interacting with Marcus and Rhea, looking at pictures of fathers and sons, standing and airing her thoughts about death to customers, making light of Rio’s death with the girls and Dean, emulating him and trying to think like him, teaching Annie lessons about being taken advantage of by criminals just like he taught her. Gosh, I think we’d be hard-pressed to find a Beth scene where Rio’s presence isn’t looming over her and I LOVE IT, especially since they’ve had so few on-screen moments together so far.

You can see the split second where Beth decides to lie about being pregnant. Like I said, I don’t love that this is being utilised as a plot device but at the same time I’m not as averse to it as I thought I would be during hiatus. I think part of the reason is that, like I said in the 3x02 thoughts post, Beth can be ruthlessly pragmatic and this is a highly duplicitous, terrible thing to lie about but, in such a desperate situation, it feels very Beth. God, she’s a mess.

I geuinely believe that Rio might have actually killed her had she not lied about being pregnant and Beth knew that. So I get it. I think now that Rio’s being forced to spend more time around Beth, it’s going to make it so much harder to kill her. Like Manny said in his interview “they hate each other but they want to be with each other”. Rio’s probably spent ages nurturing the hatred, fury and betrayal he feels. But once he’s forced to be around her again, I think it’s just going to remind him of all the ways he was attracted to her and genuinely liked her, of their messy history but history nonetheless, of all the ways she looked at him. It’s going to be so painful!!!!

Also, does anybody know what music is playing in the bar? I literally cannot find it anywhere! It’s not on Tunefind or on the season 3 Spotify playlist.

Beth and Dean

Ewwwwwwwwww. Hahahahaha. Omg. The writers did that. They cut away from Rio’s face to Beth and Dean having sex. I just about died.

This episode was such an interesting one for Beth and Dean’s relationship and really served to emphasise that Dean cannot read Beth anymore. She clearly was not enjoying the sex, was doing it with a specific purpose in mind and he just did not care because he was enjoying it too much. It makes me wonder if Dean was used to this emotional and ‘physical’ distance with Beth when they were having sex before Jane was born. The parallel of Beth grabbing Dean’s neck to her grabbing Rio’s neck in 2x04 was so good, especially when you just look at her face in this scene. I went back to watch the bathroom scene in 2x04 haha. I had to cleanse my mind.

Beth is clearly trying her best to be into it, with all the toys and acrobatics she’s having to use to even feign interest. The way that she can’t say that she loves Dean, the slow movement of the camera backwards as Dean walks away, serving to emphasise the distance between them.

I know a lot of people hated that Dean had so much screen time in this episode and, while I think the show could benefit from a little less, I actually kind of loved the scene where he’s out for a run and is working out. It was super funny with the way the scene cut between his blissful, sexed out face working out to Beth frantically checking if there’s any chance she could be pregnant. He’s clearly living his best life and Beth’s trying to further her own agenda. She’s been using him. Like a warm body. A sperm bank.

I saw someone point out the parallel between Dean lying about cancer, paying a doctor to help him, and Beth lying about being pregnant, with a doctor ultimately helping her. And it really is such an interesting parallel because we view both actions so differently. I for one think that what Beth is doing in this episode is horrible but I feel like the fundamental thing that separates her actions from Dean’s is that Beth is literally fighting to preserve her life. Dean just wanted back into the house, to hold onto the idyllic life he had carved out with his stepford wife at home and his chick on the side at work. Does that absolve Beth of her actions? Absolutely not. Does it separate her from Dean, even a little bit? Yes. Are they basically as bad as each other? Yes, but in very different ways.

I am hopeful that the fake pregnancy storyline will end within the next few episodes and that Beth either admits that she isn’t pregnant or Rio finds out himself. But by that point, there’s something else, work-related, that forces Rio, or encourages him, to let her live and to work together again. Gosh, my dream scenario would be Beth screaming at Rio “We both know I’m not pregnant!” but then he doesn’t kill her because there’s a reason why it would be best to keep her alive, like the counterfeit cash or something else crime-related. I do genuinely believe that this storyline won’t continue throughout the entire season, especially since Beth quite clearly says that her lie will only by her 3, maybe 4, months. And look, I know the timeline on the show is a mess. I’ve decided to ignore the inconsistencies because I honestly just don’t care too much and I’d rather not get stressed and frustrated over it.

I loved the argument between Beth and Dean. It was so real and so well done. Beth’s hesitant justification, that getting pregnant “not the worst thing”. In this particular scene, Beth’s actions are the reason for the argument but, as the audience, none of us sympahtise with Dean either. These are two people, who have both done terrible things to each other and to other people, having an arguement about what they want. Dean’s actions are the reason they can’t afford to have any more kids but it’s not like Beth wants anymore either, which has been made clear by her arc over the past two seasons.

In this scene, Dean tells the truth, he doesn’t want anymore kids and Beth continues to lie. Even with this very ‘real’ arguement, she can’t have a discussion with Dean and she hasn’t ever been able to; she becomes defensive and attacks the choices Dean made during their marriage. It’s interesting because while Dean has been Beth’s problem for a while, he’s not really the problem in this scene. Beth lying to Rio is the real problem. Regardless, Dean brushes off Beth’s comment with a “here we go”, just like he did when Beth called him out for cheating in 2x06, to which we responded with “oh, come on”. I’m not gonna lie. Despite knowing that what Beth is doing is so wrong, it felt pretty good to see Dean taken down a notch, where he realises that Beth really just does not care for him as a partner (sexually or emotionally) anymore, just like that scene where she brutally says that she just likes having sex with Rio to emasculate Dean.

The emotional and mental distance between Beth and Dean is further emphasised by Dean feeling that their relationship felt like them again, even though all that had changed was them having sex again. Almost like that’s all he values in a relationship.

I’m kind of confused by everyone saying that the writers are trying to fix their marriage when it seem really clear that Beth and Dean’s relationship has basically been torn at the seams, with the only stitch being the kids now.

Dean and Gayle

Not gonna pretend. I’m not really feeling this storyline. I don’t hate it but I don’t love it either. I’m kind of just indifferent towards it.

In this episode, we see Dean be tempted by Gayle’s offer but ultimately reject it, stating that he wants to focus on his marriage. Gayle, of course, knows that Dean is married but doesn’t care, which says... a lot.

Dean dyes his hair in this episode and it looks ridiculous. I 100% prefer Matthew Lillard with grey streaks haha. That being said, it’s not actually completely clear to me why he dyes his hair and I think that was also purposeful:

1. Is it because of his new-found confidence and bliss, living his best middle-aged male life now that he and Beth are having sex again?

2. Is it because he feels confident following Gayle’s offer and is looking forward to something “different” (which is how he describes sex with other women in 2x05)?

I think it’s interesting that the show is tackling bullying in the workplace. I don’t necessaily love that Dean is the victim, as I find it hard to sympathise with his character and I also feel like I don’t want to see him put in a position of vulnerability if that makes sense because I don’t want to feel bad for his character, who had sex with women at Boland Motors who were inherently vulnerable due to their positions as employee. I get what the writers are trying to do, placing him in the same position that others were in at his workplace, but there are just too many barriers stopping me from wanting to feel bad for him. That being said, I think this is an important topic to discuss in the real world because workplace bullying, sexual harassment and blackmail are such big issues. And anybody can be the perpetrator.

Stan and Krystal

I am pretty sure that Krystal is one of my favourite side characters on this show, which is saying a lot since I basically love all of the side characters, like JT, Tyler, Mary Pat, Lucy. Say what you want about the show and its flaws but the introduction of side characters is not one of them.

I don’t know how many times I’ve said this (pretty sure I keep saying it) but I really want Stan and Krystal to be besties.

Annie’s Therapy

I feel like this particular storyline is still finding it’s feet but I’m excited to see where it goes. In this episode, Annie mainly had to contend with the relationship that she with Beth, who is not just her older sister but has also been her caregiver for most of their lives. It also deals with something that has clearly been a sticking point for Annie for a while now, which is the fact that Beth kind of runs their 3-woman show and ‘calls the shots’. It’s interesting because Annie has had a couple of good ideas over the past 2 seasons but the reality is that Beth is the one who has crossed all the lines that Annie and Ruby haven’t. It’s Beth who gets high on this life and can’t live without it anymore. And it’s Beth who ultimately feels the most responsible for the messes that the three girls get into. She was willing to go to prison in the season 2 finale because she felt responsible for what happened over the past 2 seasons. In my mind, this is what separates Beth from Annie and Ruby.

In this episode, Annie and Beth basically have a quasi power struggle, for example when Beth tells the mover that he can leave but Annie tells him not to. Ruby’s face as she sits between Beth and Annie on the bench and listens to them argue was hilarious!

I love how confused Ruby is by Annie questioning Beth. It’s not just because Ruby has Beth’s back, it’s because it logically makes sense for Beth to deal with the mover, since she was the one who hired him. I’ve seen a lot of stuff floating around on Tumblr, about how other characters are being used to prop up Beth and, while I respect that opinion, I emphatically disagree. I feel like this season has made it so clear that Beth has not been absolved of any of her actions. Not even a little bit. This feels very purposeful on the writers’ part and I’ve written a little more about this in the section below about Rhea and The Clinic (+ Beth and Rio).

Ultimately, Annie comes to feel bad about the fact that she was giving Beth a ‘hard time’, recognising that Beth is under a lot of pressure. Like I said before, I’ve seen some posts about how other characters’ arcs are being sacrificed in order to justify Beth’s thoughts and feelings and that’s a fair enough opinion. I just don’t see it myself. Annie loves Beth and, yes, she gets frustrated with Beth controlling the show and making mistakes that affect all of them but ultimatly they’re sisters. So yes, Annie can call Beth out for all of her mistakes but she’ll also always have her back and empathise with her. As for the broader metaphor being used by Annie’s therapist, I really just think that Annie needed to fully realise that Beth’s actions are not, and have never been, selfish when it comes to her and Ruby. It’s always been from a place of love and maybe it is misguided and too protective sometimes but it’s out of love nonetheless.

I love, love, love the “Auntie Beth” scene, where Annie clarifies took care of her growing up.

The Mover (The Girls’ ‘Employee’ / ‘Partner’)

I love this character. I think he’s such a fun addition and I’m so curious to see what happens with him. Of course, we got the shot of him gagged and beaten up in the season 3 trailer and I’m fairly certain we will get that scene in the next episode or in episode 5. Perhaps it’s Rio and his guys who hold him hostage and beat him up and Beth is taken to him? The spoilers during hiatus revealed that Rio is going to shoot somebody in a van, in front of the girls. With how much this guy talked about his van and how loud his van looks, the fact that Stan and Ruby are saving up to get the van, all the times it was mentioned in this episode, I can’t help but wonder if Rio kills the mover in his van? Before this episode, I thought it would be Boomer but now I’m wondering if Rio actually kills the mover. I’ll be sad to him go if that’s the case.

Rhea and The Clinic (+ Beth and Rio)

As mentioned above, Beth has not been absolved of any of her actions in this season and I think this has been a purposeful move on the writers’ part:

The introduction of Rhea and Marcus means we get to know some very real characters who have been hurt by the absence of Rio in their lives, in other words they have been hurt by Beth’s actions. In the season 2 finale, she ‘murdered’ a father.

• The very purposeful scene where Beth stares at Marcus running away and at a picture of a father with his son. She can’t escape her own thoughts and guilt. There are reminders everywhere, even when she isn’t around Rio’s son.

• The moral dilemma presented by Rhea’s cheque, which Beth agonises over for a whole night and endeavours to pay back as soon as possible. Beth knows she’s a bad person who’s doing bad things

• Beth clearly states in this episode all the reasons why her approaching Rhea was wrong. She literally lists them all out, that it was selfish, creepy and messed up. It’s literally what we, the audience, have been thinking ever since the news during hiatus that Beth would be friends with Rhea in the new season.

• Beth’s pregnancy lie in this episode has also placed Rhea in a terrible position, placing her at the centre of a lie created to fool the father of her child.

Like I said, I don’t love the fake pregnancy storyline but I can appreciate Beth and Rio in an OBGYN clinic. He was so smiley with that pregnant lady who literally just did not clock how scared and uncomfortable Beth was and how insincere Rio was being. He was such a little shit in this entire segment and so gleeful while smiling at Beth, probably feeling 100% confident that she’s not pregnant. Airing out his and Beth’s dirty laundry with the doctor, regarding the date she conceived. Please, please, please do not let that be the last reference to the bedroom scene in 2x09. I need all the references and a flashback scene please and thank you.

It was genuinely so funny to see him look so intently at the ultrasound scan, like wtf she’s preggers?! Lol. But then that look he gave Beth, just before she very slightly smiled at him, where he looks at her with about 10,000 emotions on his face. Gosh, that shot brought me crashing all the way back down. Manny is a brilliant actor. I don’t even know what was on his face, a bunch of emotions that are practically unreadable yet on one of the most open facial expressions we’ve seen from Rio so far. You’re pregnant? You weren’t lying? You are lying? You fucked that husband of yours? What did you do? Why did you shoot me? I hate you but is it enough? I can’t kill you now? Right, I’m going to stop now.

The throwback to season 1 Rio, always on his phone and acting indifferent towards Beth and the girls was great

Also, Beth had me shook in this episode. She’s unbelievably gorgeous.

And to the person who pointed out the fractured artwork between Beth and Rio. You genius. What awesome symbolism and set design!

The Ending

Oh my gosh. I loved this ending. It was an awesome, fun cliffhanger. I cannot believe his real name is Mick (I’m really hoping to learn that his gang name is Demon in this season). From Carlos Aviles’ posts, it looks like we’ll be seeing a fair amount of him this season; at least, I’m hopeful we’ll see him more. We’ve already got a sneak peak centred around him being super polite and practically besties with Beth’s neighbour haha.

I’m super excited and optimistic for 3x04. I’ll l be watching it in basically 24 hours, as I have to be up early for uni and work and stuff and won’t be able to watch until I get home. Cheers to all the spoilers that I will try to avoid but give into eventually!

#nbc good girls

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ofravensandgenesis · 5 years ago

Note

For the prompts, how about 5- "you're safe now"? The deputy and any characters of your choice 👀

A/N: Characters/Verse-Setting: Staci and Joshua. Set in the verse of A Cold And Broken Hallelujah about two years before the start of the events in that fic and the in-game timeline of Far Cry 5.Summary: Staci gets to know the new rookie on the force a bit better.Content includes: PTSD, non-graphic traumatic flashback, mention of non-consensual drug use, mention of medical child abuse, it’s okay though they have coffee and granola bars, Joshua justifying terrible granola bar choices but he makes up for it later, it’s still granola bars blasphemy, but friendship prevails, etcA lil backstory spoiler detail reveal for Joshua, but nothing super major that we won’t cover in ACABH sooner or later. xD This helped me flesh out a bit more details regarding how Staci and Joshua’s friendship came about, which I enjoyed a lot!! Thank you for the prompt Amistrio!! :D ♥Ao3 link here, to avoid tumblr disaster formatting on mobile.

Staci’s bored. Which is a nice change, because it’s been busy as hell with the holidays rolling through like Hurk Jr. deciding to take a steam roller for a joy ride (again) and christening it “the Hurkulator 9000.″ With spray paint.That’d been a messy day. How the man managed to avoid doing time in jail was a mystery, but then again: this was Hope County, home of the weird.The downside of being bored was that it was really, really tempting to fall asleep. Staci couldn’t fall asleep now though, it was almost the end of his shift, almost time to go home and then he could collapse into bed and play dead to the world for a blissful day of sleep.A blissful day, because he was currently working graveyard shift with the new rookie.Not going to lie, Rook was kind of a weirdo. Joey had smacked Staci for saying so to her—it’d been in private though! He’d made sure the new guy wasn’t around to hear ‘em, Jesus. Yeah, Staci knew he was being kind of hard on the guy, but the guy was kind of…jumpy. Selectively jumpy. Weirdly jumpy.Like, not at all surprised if someone showed up from around the corner jumpy, more like…jumpy when talking to people sometimes. Socially jumpy.Specifically, socially jumpy around him, Joey, Whitehorse, and perhaps a few others around town…despite not being from this area. Dude was from Georgia, down south…which was also kind of a tie-in weirdness given the local doomsday religious cult Hope County was home to, now, sadly. The Seeds had come from Georgia, so…Rook showing up coming from the same home state, looking just like the self-proclaimed prophet? Yeah. That was either deeply unfortunate luck or intentional choice there.But the probie had a rather particularly keen skill at vanishing into thin air right before anyone even remotely associated with the cult turned up.It was actually rather impressive, and had Staci wondering where the hell the guy hid sometimes, and how he managed to disappear so damn quietly.So, while the social jumpiness might have something to do with looking like the local loony cult leader admittedly, but it did raise the question of why Rook wasn’t putting in a transfer right away.That’d certainly been a weird day, when Earl had introduced Joshua to the rest of the department. Staci was sure Earl had asked at least once if not twice if Rook was sure he wanted to transfer once he’d seen the man’s picture in his file, informing the potential new transfer about the situation. Rook had apparently thought about it for a long while, and said he wanted to try working in Hope County anyway, if they’d have him—and the department sorely needed more people, they were understaffed as it was. Hell, Whitehorse had accepted Staci too—not that there was anything wrong with Staci. Just, Staci was a city boy, and Hope County was most certainly NOT that.It was about as far as you could get from a proper city without it being an empty stretch of highway, honestly. Hell, they even had a small, abandoned ghost town here…freaky as that was. Something to do with the history back during some mining age or something. He couldn’t remember. Fuck, that was going to bug him if he didn’t look it back up, Staci groused.Still, it was more than middle of nowhere with this potential weirdery of either a lookalike…or an unexpected relative. Even understaffed, Staci wasn’t sure why Earl had said yes.Perhaps he thought Rook would be useful. Whitehorse was calculating, taking the long view of things, but not manipulative, and not willing to put people, his people, in harm’s way without good reason.The Seeds were definitely brewing up trouble, had already been trouble both directly and by fucking proxy with their goddamned followers.Maybe Whitehorse thought Rook would be a possible ace in the hole…or would seed doubt in the Project’s ranks if or when the truth came to light?No…no, that didn’t fit Whitehorse’s M.O.…guess the guy had been earnest enough for Whitehorse to take a chance on him then. That’d work on him. Joey too—she was a bit more protective of him than Staci would’ve expected even for a rookie on the force.Danny…was the most skeptical of them, even compared to Staci.But Danny was kind of a prick. A rules-bound prick, but a prick none the less. Staci knew Danny would be withholding judgment until he’d seen more of Rook in action and conduct. Specifically, how much of a workaholic the newbie was, how much he respected the rules, if he was a fellow neat freak, how good his aim was, and the quality of his character.Yeah, Danny was a judgemental prick, but it wasn’t a bad list…for an obsessive compulsive. Nobody should be that neat at their desk or have a semi-permanent smell of wood polish floating about it.Staci was of the opinion Rook was a write-off—or he would be, if Staci wasn’t also likely saddled with helping Rook learn to take the training wheels off. …eh it wouldn’t be that bad, training new officers could be fun at times. They’d be playing pass-around but it’d likely help round Rook out, while making sure he didn’t get indoctrinated with Danny’s vengefully personal grudge against dust and disorder. There could only be one, for Staci’s sanity. Yes, it was great that Danny was always on point and made sure everything else was, but the man could stand to take it down a notch.None of them wanted more trouble with the Peggies than was needed though, or to have them snooping about. It’d been a bit of a devil’s deal there, in Staci’s opinion: get some sorely needed help in a time when trouble was festering, but said help might be a wild card.Assuming of course Rook wasn’t some long-lost relative of the Seeds out to do a crazy and reconnect with the family and infiltrate the police force…but that’d be crazy talk.But they were in Hope County, which Staci had learned was a hotbed for weird shit, and crazy was the baseline normal. So who fucking knew.The guy wasn’t really trying to convince anyone he wasn’t suspicious by being normal…which, actually worked in his favor, now that Staci thought about it. Was that reverse psychology? It seemed like a lot of work to act as, well, weird as Rook kind of was. It wasn’t really overt or hammed up, just…little things. That didn’t seem likely to be something a person would put on as an act.Ah, fuck. Intrigue was too much work to deal with, but deal with it they had to. Whitehorse had made the choice to accept Rook, so accept Rook they did.And Whitehorse had also made sure they were all on the same page with the official department line of keeping Rook’s unfortunate similarities on the down low. Hell even Nancy had agreed, surprisingly enough, looking wide-eyed enough Staci almost thought her eyeballs would just fall out of her head.How, exactly, a baseball cap and glasses were going to throw people off from noticing that they had a walking double of Joseph Fucking Seed in their ranks was beyond Staci.What was even more out-fucking-rageous was that it was fucking working. Nobody around town had mentioned it, there was no gossip about it, it was like…like…like no one had even noticed Rook’s face yet?It made Staci wonder if he was going fucking crazy. Crazy with boredom in this backwater town. God he needed to get out and find someone new to hang with, find something more to do on his time off. Someone to hit on would be nice, but the city-slicker charm had worn off after a while, and there weren’t a lot of ladies looking for regular one-night-stands—and Staci most certainly wasn’t looking for a relationship, even a friends-with-benefits one. Those tended to escalate far too often, in his opinion. No, thank you. If he wanted to pursue a serious relationship, he would say so at the beginning. Hooking up was hooking up, serious dating was serious dating.Ugh. He probably should see if the rookie wanted to hang out then, since he was a fresh face. Maybe Rook would be more relaxed off-duty with a beer or two in his system.Rook worked hard, at least, pulling his own weight while learning how to get his feet under him. That’d please Danny certainly—all the deputies had been harboring concerns the new guy might be thinking Hope was an easy job with not much going on. Which it was sometimes, just those were the very, very rare occasional blips rather than the day to day norm.Fuck it, fine, the rookie was doing alright in Staci’s book. So far. It was early yet still, a few months in, and it’d be a year before they all settled into accepting Rook as one of their own, but…well, it was nice to have a hair’s worth of breathing room more with another member of the team present. And a gopher to get coffee and doughnuts—he was glad he wasn’t the one getting them all the time now. Well. Most of the time.Fuck, they ran out of doughnuts near the beginning of the shift, but there were granola bars and there’d be coffee in the break room, and he needed something to keep him on his feet until his second (or in this case more like fifth) wind hit. Was it a shitty idea right before he could go home? Yeah. But he wanted to drive home, not drive headfirst into a ditch. Just a small coffee then. And one of those chocolate chip granola bars.Staci stood up with a groan, feeling his bones creak way more loudly than they should’ve at his age—he wasn’t even fucking twenty five yet, God damn. That was an effect of an all-nighter with over time though. Rolling his shoulders as he walked, he rounded the corner, past the bulletin board—and just about walked smack into the new guy. Just about made Staci jump, if he’d had the energy to do so. Too much burn out, not enough coffee for that right now though.“Jesus fucking Christ, Rook. You scared the shit out of me just about.” Staci said, grumbling more than he likely should’ve. It wasn’t the other man’s fault…just, Staci hadn’t heard him coming at all. No footsteps, no nothing.…Staci squinted. Rook’s head was tilted forward a bit, his eyes shut, now that Staci actually was looking.Was. Was Rook asleep? Was Rook a fucking sleepwalker? …that was actually kind of hilarious. Or it would be, if Staci wasn’t dead on his feet. If anything he was a bit illogically envious that the man could walk and sleep at the same time. And that was a sign Staci definitely needed to rest. God.Staci heaved a sigh, annoyed, but really just too tired to deal with bullshit of any kind right now. He reached out and gave Rook’s cheek a quick series of not-quite-gentle smacks. “Wakey wakey, probie, you’re not allowed to sleep on duty even if you can fucking walk and catch forty winks at the same time. Come on now. Raise-y daisy.”Any other time, Staci would’ve considered pranking the other man with this. Grabbing a sharpie and drawing some cartoony dicks and squigglies and whatever else he felt like doodling on his coworker’s face. Well. There’d be other times. Just he wasn’t in the mood right now.What he hadn’t expected was for Rook to snap awake with a sharp intake of breath, eyes wide and wild, hands a blur as he reached up to grab Staci’s upraised arm hard enough for the bones to creak, his other hand clamped to Staci’s other shoulder as he bared his teeth. Staci had flinched and had been bringing his other hand up to try to block, but Joshua had just reacted. Much faster than Staci would’ve expected from a sleep-deprived young rookie with no previous history in martial training, especially upon waking up.That was kind of fucking freaky and he was deeply, immediately concerned he was in deep shit. He’d seen this kind of reaction before, just he hadn’t expected it from Rook.He hadn’t expected Rook to look at him with what Staci could not call anything other than killing intent for a split second there, only to rein it in in the same instance while processing it.Then Rook just stood there, holding onto Staci, breathing harsh and fast, grip easing ever so slowly, the snarl upon his face relaxing into a glassy, wide-eyed looking around. Joshua’s eyes settled on the bulletin board beside them, and Staci felt the other man’s grip tighten.Staci had seen this before, had dealt with enough people with PTSD and heard about it from the veterans at the previous district to recognize what was going on. He reached up and rested his hand on the other man’s bicep, carefully, lightly, trying to get his attention without startling him.“Rook. Rook, it’s okay. You’re okay. We’re okay,” Staci said, pitching his voice low and calm, and oh boy if it wasn’t unsettling to see Joshua’s head snap to focus on him, blue eyes boring into Staci’s soul with enough intensity to make Staci falter for a moment under the other man’s gaze.“We need to get out of here,” Joshua said, words hurried and quiet and urgent, and edge to them that spoke of coiled tension and fear, deep south accent laying it on thick with that rough edge that came from having just woken up. Combined, it made Staci actually seriously question if there was a threat he didn’t know about present. “I’m not leaving you behind, you’ve got to get out and somewhere safe, Pratt. You have to, understand?”…No fucking wonder people followed the Seeds, damn. It was sort of weirdly touching that Joshua 1) recognized him during what seemed to be either a bout of PTSD or as the more uncharitable part of Staci’s brain suggested a bout of crazy, and 2) Rook seemed to actually genuinely be…very concerned about Staci’s continued well being.Damn.Staci withheld a split-second sigh, and made a mental note that he had to buy this guy a drink some time in the future. And be a little bit less of an ass and more…well, friendly perhaps. He hadn’t been a total ass to Rook, but he hadn’t been terribly friendly either, waiting to see if the new guy would stick around and make it through to being a regular or not. That was of course if this didn’t turn up to be a reveal of some factor that disqualified Rook from serving as a deputy. Fuck, he had to check for that as a senior officer here. First things first though, he needed to focus on calming Rook down and getting him grounded and remembering where they were.“Rook…Rook, you’re safe. We’re safe,” He said, trying to soothe the other man and get him his bearings, out of the nightmare or whatever it was that had set Rook off like that. Nightmare, he was sure. “We’re here in the Hope County Sheriff’s Department, here in Fall’s End, it’s 6:45am on a Thursday, we’re going to be off shift in a little over an hour, and Joey’s going to come in with Danny to relieve us and handle whatever new noise complaint related crap the Drubmans will drum up with fireworks and such,” He was just rambling, adding in the date and year and other mundane details to help with orienting oneself in time and space and contex. He was keeping it all slow and easy, keeping his eyes on Joshua as he continued talking like there wasn’t anything to worry about, that they were safe, because they were. Staci watched as the tension drained slowly from Rook’s face, his eyes came into focus and actually seemed to see where they were, recognition filtering in slowly. He felt Joshua’s grip on his shoulder and arm loosening again, all the way this time until there was no pressure applied, and Staci could lower his upraised hand to rest it on the side of Joshua’s other arm.“You’re safe now. Okay?” Staci asked, trying to get Joshua to recognize reality over the traumatic flashback he seemed to be in…or nightmare, or whatever it was. The method didn’t change…fuck Staci wasn’t as well-read on this as he needed to be. “Deep breaths now.”“…Okay,” Joshua said, his breathing finally slowing down, his expression finally looking like he was all there, here, now. “Okay.”He looked shaken. But there.“You alright, Rook?”“Yeah…yeah. I’m sorry, I…”“Don’t worry about it. Come on, let’s go get a coffee then, alright?” It was as much getting Rook something warm to drink as it was because Staci wanted one too. Food and warm drinks helped people calm down, and was one of his go-to solutions. Great way to bribe himself too when he was in a mood, like right now. Fuck sleep deprivation, man.…Fuck that was probably part of all this with the probie too.Joshua nodded, and the two of them turned to head back down the hall to the break room.“Here, you get the coffee poured, and I’ll grab us some granola bars. You like chocolate? Or you want oatmeal raisin?”“Oatmeal raisin.” Rook said, pulling out a pair of cups from the dish rack to check if they were dry, before proceeding to starting filling the first one.Staci just gave Rook an incredulous look from where he was going through an overhead cabinet. Who chose oatmeal raisin over chocolate? “Seriously?”Fuck. That came out of his mouth before he thought better of it.Rook just gave him an amused squint. “Hey I like chocolate but that’s shitty chocolate that’s all sugar and next to no chocolate flavor in the brand we get here at the station. I find the oatmeal raisin one still too sweet, but I’ll eat em anyway if there’s nothing else. The caramel apple flavor’s better, but we’re all out unless I’m mistaken, aren’t we?”“Yeah, Hudson runs through those super quick, you gotta horde some in your desk if you want any at the end of the month before restock day. Still, oatmeal raisin?” Staci wrinkled his nose with an openly judgemental look as he handed the offending granola bar over.“Pay me the funds we use for these, and I can make them better and tastier, with less crap in them,” Joshua said, taking the offered bar to waggle it pointedly at Staci before turning to hand over one of the cups of coffee. “No shit?” Staci asked, genuinely interested. Better food was always a plus in his book.“Yeah man, I love cooking.”Well that was certainly a potential plus to keeping the probie around—if he passed muster. Rook was looking calm now at least, pulling out the milk carton from the fridge to add a healthy amount to his cup. That was a quick bounce back, damn. Promising though…if still a bit haunting to think of how Rook had looked at him at first.Hm. Maybe Rook was just hiding it real well. Keeping busy, as it were.“Huh. I’ll bring it up with Whitehorse and run it by the others so they’re in the loop, if you really wanna do that on the regular. If you don’t, let us know ahead of time—Hudson deprived of snacks is a bad time for all. Pass the milk?”“Yeah I stress bake from time to time, this works out nicely,” Joshua said, handing the carton over.“Hm. You get stressed like earlier a lot, probie?” Staci asked, glancing at his coworker sidelong while stirring in his own sugar and milk.He saw how Joshua’s expression shifted slightly, lips thinning into an almost-frown.“Ah. That. Yeah I…get nightmares a lot. Doesn’t fuck with my sleep quality, just I’m fucky to wake up sometimes and need a moment.”Staci could tell Joshua knew the score here, and what the intent was for this line of questioning. He still had to ask, though, for the department’s sake and Rook’s own sake. If Rook wasn’t fit for the job, he was a danger to himself and the others in the department.“Did something happen? That looked like a PTSD flashback you were stuck in.” No point in beating about the bush, Staci reasoned. Particularly since he had all the diplomacy of a hungry narwhal right now.Rook shook his head though, not looking at Staci, holding his cup while appearing lost in thought. “No. Nothing happened. Just bad dreams.”Staci snorted, pausing mid-air in lifting his coffee up for a sip. “Yeah and I’m the Queen of England.”Joshua actually laughed a small surprised noise at that, turning to look at Staci with a cheeky grin. “I didn’t realize I was in the presence of royalty! Forgive my lack of manners, your highness.”Alright, he kind of liked this probie. Particularly when he was less of a bundle of nerves. The man was solid enough on the job while being professional, but behind the scenes...had been less smooth. The probie seemed to flounder a bit without a proper “script” to follow. But in this instance? The rookie might’ve hit his stride. It was making Staci smile out of reflex, and fuck he actually was feeling a bit less crabby over all this right now. That was uncharitable, Staci knew, but he was fucking tired. Joshua too, he knew.Joshua’s smile slid back to a more attentive, neutral expression. As much as one could, with dark shadows under one’s eyes. Fuck, Staci must’ve had a matching set too, it was practically part of the uniform during the holidays.“But I’m serious. I haven’t actually been in a violently traumatic experience or such. Some bullying as a kid, and…well, being illegally institutionalized, but it was done without a proper diagnosis from a clinician and was a complete hoax by the parties involved.”Staci almost choked on the sip of his coffee. “Say what now?” He’d followed with the being bullied part, because what kids didn’t get bullied, but the institutionalization part was a new one as far as stories went. “Institutionalized as in like in a mental hospital?”“Yeah. It was fucked. They committed a bunch of foster kids with made up diagnoses and wanted to run drug trials on them to prove efficacy with cooked test results. It all came to light after a couple of years. Corrupt practices, illegal human experimentation, inhumane treatment, kidnapping and criminal fraud charges everywhere, from what I hear.”“Jesus.”“Yeah. The courts sealed it and withheld our names because we were all minors, the other kids and I, but you might’ve heard of it like, a little under a decade ago? Was a bit of a flurry in the newspapers apparently.”“Oh fuck, maybe?” Staci vaguely recalled some mention of that scandal, now that Joshua mentioned it. Probably from a newspaper headline at a gas station or corner store, fuck if he could recall which one.That was weird, recalling reading about something he as a teenager had read about in passing as a tragic but impersonal event, and now standing before someone who it had affected both deeply and personally.He was perhaps learning a little bit more about empathy in this moment than he cared to, right now.“So, you’re saying that wasn’t fucking traumatic?” Staci asked, raising an eyebrow with a head tilt to go with it to indicate he was very skeptical that someone could skate through that kind of experience without coming out a little banged up mentally or otherwise. Some people could, he knew, and it varied from person to person, but the odds were against that he figured.Tonight was certainly an interesting night for gossip though.“Oh it was, I hate being locked up and watched, and drugged against my will until I’m a catatonic ball huddled in the corner quite a lot. Don’t like being questioned while on drugs either, in hindsight. Not really stuff I expect to encounter in any line of work though, including law enforcement. Locking others up doesn’t bother me, so long as it’s legal and ethical and such.” Those first words were light, as if trying to pass the matter off as a bit of a joke. It didn’t quite land. Joshua shrugged apparently trying to look casual about it, but the motion was a bit stiff and jerky, and he glanced down, hesitating while looking like he wanted to say a bit more.So Staci waited.In retrospect, the nicer thing to do would’ve been to reassure Rook, but well, that was more Joey-intuition than Staci-intuition, particularly right now. He’d be supportive in a minute, his sleep-deprived brain needed a bit longer to remember to do things.Joshua clearly needed a moment to organize his thoughts on what to say, which Staci was fine with, leaning against the counter to one side as he took a sip of his coffee in the meantime.“…the physician and psychologist who looked me over afterwards said I was fine, so I just…” Another abrupt little shrug and an accompanying shake of the head, before Joshua looked at Staci. “…I believe I’m sane, I just…still have the urge to say I’m not crazy, which I know sounds bad.”“…yeah that line never sounds great coming from a potential coworker or someone you have to spend more than the next five seconds with there, rookie,” Staci pointed out dryly. But hoo boy, Joshua…probably got a pass on that after being falsely labeled as in need of medication. “And for the record? Having a mental illness or something doesn’t make a person crazy. They need help, and we are sometimes the ones who need to help them get to the right people who can help them, medical professionals or otherwise.”Well, with that backstory reveal, Staci was inclined to cut Rook some slack on the weirdery, provided Rook managed to get his feet under him in good time. Rattled, but tentatively sound enough so far as early impressions went for what the man had been through.“Yeah. Yeah I know just…they treated us like we were crazy. To be disregarded, like we didn’t have an ounce of common sense between us all. They didn’t listen. Maybe it was also because we were kids,” Joshua said, looking away, “kids that no one cared about if we went missing.”“And that’s fucking wrong by any moral standard. Nobody should fuck up kids like that.” Staci said, followed by another sip. Humans sometimes were absolute assholes, but that was nothing new as a revelation to Staci. He’d certainly seen enough of that growing up. HE glanced down at his cup, noting that it was half empty already and commented offhand, “God I can’t believe we’re having a heart to heart chat at seven in the morning, after a full night shift, and after over time. Fuck, man.”Joshua breathed a laugh, but didn’t look at Staci.…right, he wasn’t reciprocating much was he. Fuck. Time to be a bit more heart-baringly friendly then. “And I agree, you’re not crazy. You seem perfectly sane so far, questionable granola bar tastes aside,—”That got Staci a proper laugh from Rook then, and he smiled in his little moment of social victory. Ah, and Joshua was back to looking him in the eye again. Good, good, they were restoring proper “friendship potential” connections.…ugh, Staci was trying to be friendly. It was too damn early for this. Or late, depending on point of view.Continuing, he said, “—and frankly the shit you’ve been through sounds real rough. I’m not the most eloquent guy even at the best of times let alone at the end of a long night shift, but you seem alright in my book. If you ever want to, I don’t know, talk and have a drink about it, honestly Joey’s the better choice for that but hit me up if you need it.”Eh, close enough. He wasn’t giving out details of his life, it just…didn’t fit the flow of what he said? But maybe another time. Was he leaving Rook hanging with awkward did-I-overshare-feelings? …GOD being nice was hard. But worth the effort, yes. He just wanted to grumble a bit about it right now.“We can swap shitty childhood stories or something sometime with enough beers or something. After we’ve both slept, I can’t be fucking bothered to do serious story time with heavy shit right now. No offense,” He added as an afterthought because that might’ve come off as abrasive. “I’m fine with listening in moments like this if you’re okay with a low level of emotional response and engagement, but I’m gonna be snarky.”“Oh so that’s just you in general, not because oatmeal raisin granola bars offended you in particular then,” Joshua said, looking rather amused at that point.“Hey, those are shitty granola bars, Rook. I just can’t believe you like them.”“I tolerate them, Pratt. I know good fare from shitty fare, and good fare ain’t that. Also, you can call my Joshua you know.”“Staci, then.” He offered a hand as…he didn’t fucking know, sleep-deprivation-addled reflex to what his tired brain thought of as an introduction of sorts? They’d been introduced when Joshua had first showed up of course, and shaken hands then, but it’d been a perfunctory greeting. This was a more welcome to the club house kind of greeting, or something. Fuck, fine, Staci was accepting Rook as one of theirs more officially-ish.Joshua was either too tired or was more of an accepting sort, taking Staci’s hand and giving it a shake. “I’ll buy you a drink sometime then, after we’ve both slept some. You wanna swing by my place later this week to help test out homemade granola bar flavors?”“Sure man, where d’you live?” Staci asked, letting go of the other’s hand to rip open his granola bar with the one hand and his teeth, before taking a bite.“I rent a place outside of town, I’ll text you the address and directions?” Joshua offered.“Yeah, alright. Stay awake until you get home then, probie, and don’t fall asleep on the way back.” Staci said, raising his half-eaten granola bar in a mock-salute that Joshua responded to in kind with his coffee cup as Staci headed back to his desk with what remained of his own coffee. It was tempting to get another cup, but he needed to sleep sooner rather than later once his shift was over, and the end was in sight.Fuck, guess they might be becoming friends then after all.…well, that wasn’t such a bad thing, now was it.Hell, maybe it’d work out. It wasn’t like he was overbooked with friendships galore around here in Hope, after all. Rook’s backstory seemed kinda heavy on shitty things that’d happened to him, but, well…why not. Staci was willing to give it a go if Joshua was. Plus it wasn’t like Staci himself had come from a peerless background either. He took another sip of his coffee and a second bite of the granola bar.…hm, maybe Joshua had a point. Maybe these were too sugar-heavy on the flavor instead of a more chocolate-rich taste, now that he was paying attention.Fuck. Now he couldn’t fucking un-taste that cheap-mass-produced-granola-bar flavor. He shoved the rest of the bar into his mouth grouchily, chewing on it with a bit of spiteful prejudice. At least there wasn’t much left of this one, for what consolation that was worth. Staci really fucking hoped they got better granola bars now, either by Joshua baking them or a different brand, because there went his bland, non-attentive, mindless enjoyment of one shitty junk food snack masquerading as a healthier snack.God fucking damn it.

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fanfictrashdump · 5 years ago

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Queening a Pawn, 1

I am kind of Loki trash. I take pleasure in attempting to write some of the cheesiest/most cliched fanfiction around. Honestly, my policy is that if it makes me “awww” or giggle to myself, it goes in. So enjoy this WIP and let me know what you think!

Summary: During the Time Heist, Loki stole the Tesseract and escaped. He did not expect, however, to be pulled through a Time Loop that delivered him to a Midgard more than a decade older, wiser, and bitterer. Having just lived through his unsuccessful attack in New York, Loki must learn to live in Midgard after the defeat of Thanos (post-Endgame). The question is, who is Loki without a quest for a throne or total domination?

Loki x OC

The air was still and silent, as it had been for the last several hours. The guards had not been around for a few hours to check on him– why would they? He was trapped in a gilded cage with little to no chance of escape. Not with those wretched manacles that stopped even the lightest whiff of his seidr to come alive. It was very early morning, if the light streaming in from the windows was to be believed– he didn't. Not that it mattered. Not that he was anything more than a sitting duck at the mercy of these annoying, useless mortals and his buffoon of a brother. Briefly, he wondered if they were ever going to attempt to torture him for information. Maybe that would liven up his current situation.

Bright, fool-hardy whistling echoed down the concrete halls and made his ears ring uncomfortably. The blessed, unmarred silence that seemed to be soaking up all of his self-pity was now gone, which meant that the hare-brained Midgardians would be back with questions. A single human appeared within the doorway, headphones in their ears, and hands laden with a box of what seemed to be colorful ornaments.

Loki sighed, rolling his eyes much like a petulant child. "What are you, then? Psychic? Super-strength? Power to boil me from the inside? Therapist?"

The sudden noise seemed to startle the newcomer, and they placed the box on a nearby table before turning towards the source. Behind the cardboard box was a woman. Her chocolate brown hair was cropped short, though the messy fringe fell into her eyes as she moved. It made her look messy in a very purposeful manner, like she wanted to look approachable and kind, but also didn't want you to think she didn't put effort into her appearance. The green eyes turned his direction sparkled nearly as bright and excited as the grin perched on her lips as she pulled the buds from her ears and shoved them into her jeans pocket. Loki frowned. This was… different.

"Sorry, didn't hear you. What was that, sir?" Her head tilted sideways like a curious pup at a weird noise, though twice as enthusiastic.

"Are they sending children in to question me now? What, not enough ice-thawed super soldiers to do the job? And Stark? What of him? It's odd he hasn't come to gloat, yet." Loki scoffed, throwing himself into the only chair available in his cell, growing more impatient with every passing moment.

The woman's face fell, if only slightly. "Oh. You don't know, do you?" Green orbs snapped up to her saddened expression, curious. "Mister Stark died with the Titan and Captain Rogers… well, you wouldn't recognize him if you saw him."

"Who are you, then?"

"I manage the Compound. I was just putting up the Christmas ornaments." She gestured over her shoulder at the box with the trinkets, as if it were an obvious response.

Loki frowned further, trying to process the information as it was received. A moment later, he stared back, deadpan. "You realize this is a prison, yes?"

The woman's cheeks darkened as she fidgeted with her jumper sleeves. "To be honest, I couldn't really see over the box, so–"

He rolled his eyes, opting rather to pinch at the bridge of his nose with a groan. "Norns, I am surrounded by idiots. Why am I still here?"

"Well, Sam and Valkyrie have been trying to find your brother for the lon–"

"It was a rhetorical question!" He seethed, and the woman snapped her jaw shut at once.

She awkwardly looked around the room before her eyes stopped on a holographic chess board that was sitting just outside the cell. Clearly, this was some of Tony's sense of humor showing through the AI he left behind, FRIDAY. He would have probably summoned up the board with a how about you think about what you've done, and if not, just play with yourself. She had encountered more than a fair share of these ghosts inside the code in her time, like the nervous Is that a trick question? whenever she asked the smart mirror in her apartment if she looked OK.

There was a single knight in play on the white side of the board. "Are you a chess enthusiast?" There was no response. "Stalking the knight out first is a powerful move." This sentence was accompanied by a huff, but no verbal retort. "FRIDAY, favorite pawn forward." The second to last pawn zoomed gracefully into place a square further and settle there. She looked up at their captive demigod, sneer locked into his lips and eyes staring dead into the wall. She waited several minutes for a move, any move, but came up empty.

"Lilah, there you are!" Sam strode into the prison floor, still clad in his black flightsuit and more than a little on edge. "FRIDAY, tell Valkyrie Lilah's fine." The AI acknowledged the command, immediately. "What are you– are you putting up Christmas ornaments in the prison deck?"

"Just checking in with our guest," she lied, smiling.

Sam turned on his heel to face Loki's cell. A shiver ran past him as if simply gazing upon the Liesmith gave him the heebie jeebies. "How is he, then?"

Lilah shrugged, disinterestedly. "No worse than last time."

"No, not like last time. Last-time-Loki helped save the world and his whole realm from his psycho sister. This Loki just came off trying to enslave New York."

"Tomato, tomahto. Same dude, different day, Sam." With an amused smile, she turned the glaring superhero and nudged him out ahead of her. "Someone should be down with your dinner in a bit, OK?" She assured, as if that cleared up the rest of the questions brewing in Loki's head.

Loki knew was out of sync with the time. He could feel it in the air and with every pulse of his veins. The agents who brought him into the basement gave him a barebones recollection of what had happened– how the Titan known as Thanos, how half the population died, how time had to be altered to change the course of history. Dangerous games played by children who didn't know any better. Once the Stone had been pulled from his timeline, he had jumped, as well.

It took an impressively short amount of time to apprehend him, as they had the benefit of time to adapt to his wily nature. He had found it odd that he was not immediately chained and scrapped for every bit of information he could give, that they didn't bother monitoring him 24/7, that there seemed to be only a handful people employed in the facility. Midgard was different: older, wiser, a little jaded. It had lost many of its heroes in a short time, it seemed. The corner of his eye caught the subtle glow of the chess board, effectively interrupting his internal monologue.

Lilah walked cautiously across the threshold of the prison floor. In her hands she balanced a tray with covered food and a large pitcher of sweet tea. Funnily enough, none of the staff found it a great opportunity to bring their prisoner his dinner, despite the fact that he had been doing nothing but bellyaching at the walls and pout for the week he had been there. That meant it was up to her to slow walk some food and drink over to the prison desk and hope she didn't spill. Lilah wasn't particularly clumsy, but she also never had the need to carry a tray full of food and drinks across a couple of floors before.

"I don't know what you wanted to eat, so I made you a plate with some of everything. Then, I brought sweet tea and then remembered that almost no one outside of the South likes sweet tea, so I brought you some water, but you're free to have some tea if you can tolerate it," Lilah rambled, passing a plate through the hatch on the door along with a bottle of water and a glass of sweet iced tea. Though he tried to seem disinterested, the smell of food made Loki abandon his in-bed lounging and cautiously approach the cell door. He first took the glass of tea and took a tentative sip. His face screwed up unpleasantly a moment after. "Yeah, it's an acquired taste– like watered down cane molasses."

His face turned hard as he swallowed down a few gulps of water to wash out the taste. "Is your intent to poison me?"

"I don't know. Do Asgardians get diabetes?"

"What?"

"That's a no." Glancing over her shoulder, Lilah glanced at a chair by the empty sentry desk. "Mind if I join you?" She gestured the remaining plate on the tray.

For a long moment, he did not reply, instead glaring into her as if his eyes could become lasers and explode her from the inside out (though they probably could if he tried hard enough). "If you wish." A satisfied grin perched itself on her lips as she placed the tray on the floor and jogged over to collect the chair. She carried it right to the cell's side and collected her tray before sinking into it cross-legged.

Loki had not moved from his place in front of the food hatch, quietly watching the mortal woman dig into a plate of vegetables, chicken and rice as if it were the most exquisite of treats. The weight of his gaze pulled her attention, and she glanced upwards. "Eat. I don't want Thor griping about you getting thin. God knows he already has enough going on in his brain. If Valkyrie even finds him."

"You must be mistaken. The Valkyries are dead," Loki says, simply, an observation.

Lilah stopped chewing, putting down her fork back on her plate, speared carrot and all. "I suppose they still are, for you."

"Where is my brother?" Lilah hesitated. "You also said earlier that I saved my people from my sister. I don't have a sister."

"Fuck, Thor. Where the hell are you when I need you?" She muttered to herself. "FRIDAY, can you pull up the records on Asgard and Hela, please?"

"Are you sure you want to show him this, Delilah?"

The woman rolled her eyes at the AI's sass. "Do you know where Thor is?"

"King Brunnhilde has yet to find him, as of ten minutes ago."

"You know the answer, then." The glass of the prison cell lit up with pictorials of Asgard. "Some time ago Odin Allfather disappeared." An image of Odin faded into the ether on the screen. "You, in true Loki fashion, had taken up the throne dressed as his clone. Thor found out and forced you both to find him. Odin died shortly after." The images of Thor, Loki and Odin faded and Hela was left in their wake. "His death caused the release of Hela, Odin's eldest child and death-bringer to all realms. You tried to fight her off, ended up on a trash planet called Sakaar." The images on the screen turned to the bright, metal and pastels of Sakaar, complete with Hulk and Thor fighting while Loki stood in a corner laughing.

"On Sakaar you met Brunnhilde, the last Valkyrie. Thor, Banner, and Valkyrie escaped the planet to rescue Asgard. Surprisingly, so did you." The images of Loki graciously arriving in the giant cruiser ship with Korg and Miek flashed before them, and Loki could not but feel fascinated by this stranger who wore his face. The people of Asgard smiled and thanked him as he ushered them into the ship and jumped into the fray of battle below. "Eventually Hela was defeated and you fled with your people from Asgard. They've made a new colony in Iceland called New Asgard."

"They, not you?" He asked, perceptively, brow furrowed. "I did not survive the trip," he added, matter-of-factly.

"Thanos happened," she quipped with a sigh. She leant a small smile to him knowing full well it was not to be returned. "You died protecting your people."

Loki seemed as surprised as anyone who heard the tale from Thor, afterwards. "I died a hero?"

Lilah now smiled in earnest. "It seems you are capable of amazing things when you want to. You rose to the challenge," she finished, watching the holographic Loki sink his dagger into an undead sentinel and toss another over his shoulder with dangerous precision.

Despite himself, Loki smirked, staring somewhat proudly at the ferocious warrior hopping around the scene. He took his plate to the small desk in his cell and tucked into his meal, seemingly satisfied with her answers thus far. Lilah followed his lead, eating her dinner in silence before picking up the remainder of her dinnerware and preparing to leave Loki, once more. Before she did, she noticed the chess board hds moved. Smiling, she glanced shortly at Loki, who had taken up a book and was quite immersed in it, though she swore she saw him briefly gaze at her while she thought of her next play. With a quick jolt of her fingers, her bishop conquered his knight. She then swore she saw him frown.

"By the way, you can ask FRIDAY for more books, access to the archives, or movies or something. You're not meant to be here to rot in your boredom." She gave a friendly wave. "Good night, Loki."

#fanfic #fanfiction #loki fanfic #loki x oc #loki x ofc #we fucked up the timeline dudes #i do what i want #mcu #mcu fanfiction #fan fiction #Loki

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astraeal · 5 years ago

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i will elaborate (perhaps) on this in the morning but i don’t think cal is trying to take over all of candia bc i think he’s too smart to do that, but i think the entire plot has unraveled out of his hands and he’s now screwed. i think his entire reasoning was personal, to kill amethar bc of personal reasons, but not actually in pursuit of any actual power; but then things didn’t go according to plan, amethar didn’t die on the sucrosi road, and now cal is on plan c with no idea, really, if it’s going to actually work

edit: okay lets talk about this, under the cut bc it got super long

1. Calroy is well versed in politics. This seems very obvious because that’s kind of his whole job, on both a meta gaming level and also an in-world level, to be the kind of pop up character to explain to people who has what title, perhaps how they got it, and how important/relevant that makes them to the current situation. He would have known that it would be an incredibly messy affair to have the crown of Candia sit on his head.

Not only would it have to go from Amethar to Jet to Ruby, but if they got killed off completely (or excommunicated, *cough cough*), then the crown goes all the way to the mountains with House Jawbreaker. And I know this started as a bit but he has....so many partners and children, even within the one marriage that is “legitimate” in the eyes of the Bulbian Church. As it’s basically implied that Liam is the youngest, that is a whole bunch of children who are able to ascend to the throne of Candia, and he would have to kill or get rid of all of them, in addition to whoever else comes before a minor cake lord like himself.

2. His villainous speech was only ever digs at Amethar. Normally the entire “Ah ha, you’ve walked into my trap! Let me tell you all of my plans!” has...you know, plans to it. Now this could be him being too smart to fully explain all of what he plans to do, but honestly it only ever seemed like his goal was to get rid of Amethar. He only killed Rococoa because she found out that he was dealing arms to the Ceresians, and he only tortured Manta Ray Jack because he wanted one last Hail Mary pass, as he admits!

“You know, it hurts, to have all of your plans fail, but they say improvisation is the better part of planning, so...I was happy to take advantage of that opportunity when it presented itself, Amethar.” He didn’t plan to get the Church involved at all, so the whole idea of betting on Amethar being excommunicated in the first place is ridiculous. He didn’t even know that was an option until Manta Ray Jack mentioned the girl, and even then, it was last minute.

“What about the ambush on the Sucrosi Road?” you ask. “Amethar was the only one contractually obligated to be on that road in the first place,” i reply. The twins badgered their mother to go on the trip with him, and in response Theo and Lapin got dragged into going as well. The summons was only for Amethar, and then whoever else he chose to bring. Not only was Cal not supposed to be there in the first place, but neither were the twins.

The eldest of which, we see in Jet’s flashback in episode 7, he’s established a relationship with. He is the only adult of the court who encourages Jet’s questioning of the laws of Candia, with the actual know how to explain, perhaps, how those things should be changed. Which leads me to my next point:

3. Jet was never supposed to die, because Cal was betting on her to be the successor after Amethar’s murder. He was counting on the princesses not being in the carriages on the Sucrosi Road, but they were, and one of them almost died but like, whatever, it was the younger twin. Then he was counting on Jet being in a different melee pit than her father during the tournament, but it didn’t matter because Amethar survived that attack on his life too. So then comes the ambush, which was an attack meant entirely for Caramelinda.

Of course, this third attempt is way after Cal thought Amethar was going to die. It was well after Brennan thought Amethar was going to be alive too! So he was betting on his camaraderie with Jet to be able to groom her for the throne, to question everything and, perhaps, establish a new kind of Candia in which Calroy had more respect, but that’s still a long line of people before he could ever sit his fancy pants ass down on the throne.

4. Okay, but when he got the Bulbian Church involved, what was the plan there? What if the girls were supposed to die in that encounter? Excellent questions, but I really don’t think Cal was hoping for the entire family to die: I think he got put, pun semi-intended, between a rock and a hard place, and this was the nuclear option. If he couldn’t kill this king with careful planning and political motivations, he could just....straight up disqualify him from even being able to be king.

But, again, he would have known that the crown would have gone to Jawbreaker in that instance, so again, I don’t really think any of this was about power so much as it was about fuck Amethar.

5. We aren’t entirely certain the level of Cal’s involvement with Lord Stilton Curdeau. We know for certain that Cal “put the little cheese boy on the scent of the Duchess Coldbottle” and that he had to ferry the assassins to that part of the road to set up the ambush, but, again, those only reinforce the fact that he wanted Amethar dead. We can certainly imagine that Cal told Stilton “Hey, lend me some of your assassins to take care of the King of Candia and you’ll be next in line for the Emperor’s seat, if only by proxy” but again, there was no guarantee that Stilton was going to be released from his religious vows, if Cal even knew about that.

If we really wanted to go beyond the timeline of the campaign, we could argue that Cal perhaps had something to do with all of Stilton’s brother’s deaths, but again, I genuinely don’t think he would have seen this far ahead. Why would killing some minor lords of the Dairy Islands help to get Amethar dead?

Personally, I think Stilton did that himself but used the cover of the religious vows to be like “why would I want lordship, i can’t even take it or marry, i’m only for the church 🙏🏻😇” meanwhile he’s sinking his brother’s ships, just like he tried to do with Primsy.

6. His “final” words to Amethar: Here’s to a future you can’t ruin. I literally just think Calroy wants Amethar gone because he feels that Amethar doesn’t deserve to be king. Being fifth in line, he shouldn’t have been king, but he became so. Being clearly not good with names and titles - hence, Calroy’s entire position being necessary - means that he’s kind of....a terrible king, if he had to do it himself. As it is, he’s just there because of his family line, not because of a deep seated desire for rulership.

7. But what about all the Ceresian soldiers?? That he got into the lands of Candia, and his clearly deep connections with them, given that he was arms dealing with them during the Ravening War. Yeah, again, I think that Cal got too far into this plan and he’s capitalizing on a situation that tumbled out of his hands. Getting the church involved was a nuclear option because it entirely destroyed Candia from the inside out - instead of deposing the king, he wound up deposing the entire House of Rocks and now Candia is in open rebellion, technically.

TLDR; Calroy Cruller is just The Worst “Best Friend” Ever and wanted Amethar dead and gone.

#k.txt #d20 acoc #dimension 20: a crown of candy #im tired but basically i dont think he meant to get the church involved #but it was the only way to try to get amethar out of his hands and candia #but hes too smart to even begin to think that the power would go to him #i’ll get to it in the morning #update it is morning and i have said my piece

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eyesontheskyline · 5 years ago

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(about the whole fic writer asks, except those answered now) the story specific ones have to be about 'but if you really hold me tight' - I love all your cxg fics and it's the longest one :D) it's just I'm thinking of getting back to writing and since you're of my favorites authors out there now i'd love to get some insight. kudos for being cool about it!

Hello! Okay first of all thank you so much, that is a ridiculously big compliment and my face hurts. And yes yes yes you should definitely write if you feel like writing - just go for it! If you have any specific questions or you want a pep talk or whatever, message any time :)

Okay I’m gonna put these under a Read More because wall of text.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?Right now only Crazy Ex Girlfriend. I wrote for Criminal Minds under a different name then had a gap of several years. I’m pretty far removed from CM now but I can safely say writing for CXG has been a nicer experience community wise (partly a smaller fandom thing and I suspect partly a demographic thing), and there’s more established character stuff to work with because all the character development isn’t like… Crammed in the five minutes they have to work with either side of the crime solving.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.I don’t really do either, but reader inserts are kind of a squick of mine honestly, so I’m gonna say OCs. I’ve only written OC kids though.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?I am not entirely sure what this means… Fic genre? Original media genre? I have only ever written romance or friendship stuff for TV shows, an odd balance of fluff and angst?

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?Mmm let the sun inside has a special place in my heart because it was the thing that got me back into writing after a really long gap and turned out pretty much how I wanted it to. Writing it was just a very intense ‘I am writing again and my brain is on fire’ experience for me.

7) When is your preferred time to write?I would love to have a less dysfunctional answer to this, but probably between 1 and 4am unfortunately? That can’t be a thing on work nights because I get up at 6.30. If I can get myself on a roll early afternoon in a coffee shop though, that’s a better feeling. Just… Less common than ‘the rest of the world around me is asleep and my brain just woke up’.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?Oh everywhere. The media I write fic about. The stories I read. My life, my friends. The world.

9) In but if you really hold me tight, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?Oh god I really don’t know. This story is really hard for me to have perspective on because of the ridiculously time pressured way I wrote and published it. I’m probably proudest of chapter 12, where they discuss the ‘do we want a baby’ question properly, because that just… Is an important conversation that you don’t really see in media? I’m not sure it’s the best writing in the story, but I’m glad I didn’t chicken out of it. I also enjoyed writing Rebecca meeting Plimpton Senior in chapter 19, because that feels like an opportunity the show missed and I will never see enough versions of it in fic honestly. (Do you have a favourite?)

10) In but if you really hold me tight, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?That one was pretty much always going to end where it did – just because of the format, it was always going to end in a fluffy happy place around midnight on the 1st of January 2021. The last chapter was going to be longer originally, with more characters getting a moment, but it was just getting kind of unfocused – Rebecca POV can handle tone shifts pretty well I think because of the way her brain is wired, but at some point it all just got a bit messy so I pared it back. I think I’m pleased with how it turned out, but the chaos of writing it is still fresh enough that it’s hard to tell!

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?Nah, but I’ve fixed typos (thank you @what-the-elle-n!)

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?I find Valencia and Paula pretty difficult. I love them, but I struggle.

14) How did you come up with the title - You can ask about multiple stories.(Since it says multiple and since I only have 3 currently…) Everything I’ve published for CXG so far has had song lyric titles – mostly because I am not good at poetic turns of phrase, and I like lyricists who are. (I’m also not a particularly romantic person, and I like lyricists who are!)

let the sun inside is from Ribcage by elbow. The full line is ‘I wanted to explode – to pull my ribs apart and let the sun inside’, which feels to me like that feeling of having bottled everything up for so long that you just can’t feel anything anymore until you kind of break down and come out the other side? And Rebecca = sunshine, so. That is basically the premise of the story, so that was a stroke of luck.

the landing light is from K2 by elbow (I swear I listen to other music, they just have words that really lend themselves to fanfic titles lol). I have a whole meta thing written to publish alongside the last chapter about why this song for this story, but basically the line is ‘Dickhead’s done a runner and he’s wondering if anyone cares – is the landing light on?’ which is just someone far from home feeling a bit stupid and homesick and wondering if there’s anybody waiting at home for him. And of course Nathaniel comes home to a totally miserable situation and there Rebecca is.

but if you really hold me tight… It had to be a lyric from a Christmas song, preferably one Frank Sinatra sang at some point, because that was the playlist I started listening to in mid-October while outlining this madness. So it’s from Let It Snow, obviously, although that exact line is not in that version, ssshhhhhh (he sings ‘but if you’ll only hold me tight’). I chose it because R&N being a team and getting through stuff together in a mostly-fluff-but-not-entirely way was kind of what I was aiming for, and it just felt like it fit.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?I kind of have an OC coming up in a story I’m writing now, and I just… Knew who named them, and tried to choose a name those people would choose. I don’t really do OCs much in fic, but in not-fic (it’s been a while!) I try to go for a name that (1) means something, and importantly (2) I can imagine their parents having named them.

16) How did you come up with the idea for but if you really hold me tight?So a writer I used to read a lot from the Criminal Minds fandom did a Christmas fic a couple of years in a row – one short, mostly fluffy chapter for each day from the 1st-25th of December. So that was the plan. Except as soon as I started outlining it, I knew I couldn’t write an entire month fluffy and problem-free for these two (for anyone, but especially these two), so short and fluffy didn’t stick!

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.“I’ve gotten better at a lot of things since you’ve been away, but my self-deception skills have taken a real hit.”

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?Yeah, I abandoned a few Criminal Minds fics. I still feel bad about them actually – I get comments on them occasionally. (On the offchance anyone reading this is someone who feels nervous about commenting on old stories – these delight me in ways you cannot imagine.) I ran out of steam in a lot of ways – I started them without any real idea where I was going and wrote myself into a corner, mostly, but also I was starting to really struggle to write unprompted. I am not the most mentally well person, and I just got my brain into this spirally tangle where I thought nobody wanted to read anything they hadn’t asked for, so I filled a lot of prompts but couldn’t convince myself to write anything else. It feels really weird to think about that now, which I guess is a good sign…

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?I toy with following the emotional arc of S4 but following let the sun inside sometimes – that was the plan, when I originally finished it and was panicking that I would never get another idea. Also, but if you really hold me tight created a world of warm domesticity for R&N that I felt really sad leaving behind, so I would probably like to write in the timeline again. And the landing light might get a oneshot sequel, depending on whether I end it the way I think I’m going to or the way I was originally planning to…

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?No, not in this fandom. I’ve only written two endings though! I’ve ended on some real cheeseball final lines in the past though.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?@heartbash, who can do plot and slow-burn in a way my impatient ass will never be capable of. @justwanted2dance who deserves a million flame emojis and writes BDSM stuff in a way that makes my anxious brain comfy enough to enjoy it (literally nobody else has achieved this). @pictureofsoph1sticatedgrace who writes the loveliest fluff and is a badass individual. @notbang and @anthropologicalhands and @catty-words and @akisazame and @romansuzume who write beautifully and can do those poetic turns of phrase I am not good at. I’ve got to be forgetting someone but wowww there is so much talent and creativity in this lil room. So many people to be inspired by.

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?God yes, but not in this fandom. It’s fine, 19 or 20 year old me, you were learning.

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?Silence. Or like white noise or the Hufflepuff Common Room 10 hour ASMR video on youtube or something lol. Anything with words just ruins me – my attention span is laughable.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?Ha yes actually, but I’m really not entirely sure why. Sometimes my brain is just a really weird place to be.

26) Which part of but if you really hold me tight was the hardest to write?It depends how you measure hardest, I guess. Several of the smut scenes just said ‘[insert sex]’ for the longest time, sometimes with descriptions? So like ‘[insert feelingsy sex]’ or whatever lol. In terms of getting voices right (like to the point of still being unsure whether it’s any good), this gurl group chapter.

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?It really depends. Usually I know roughly where I’m going and how I’m getting there and that’s good enough for me, but my NaNo fic got an outline because of the format and timescale. And I’m planning a thing with an actual plot arc (gasp!) so that’s getting an outline, in the hope of making it look vaguely romance novel shaped. Basically it depends on the length of the thing for me, and how plotty it is.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?Writing advice: if you’re struggling to move past a particular point, the thing you need to change is probably a few lines back. It’s rarely the last line that painted you into the corner. If you think something needs to come out, paste it into an outtakes document – you might want to put it somewhere else later, or salvage lines from it or whatever, and it’s just easier to let go if you’re not actually hitting delete.

Posting advice: remember fandom is community – everyone is here because they love the thing you love. They’re gonna be excited there’s a new story to read, and they’re rooting for you! (Write the thing!)

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?Nahh I mean, it’s a smaallll fandom.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?Again, smaaalll. (Also I try not to publicly eye roll at things other people love even if they are my things – there’s nothing quite like loving a song just for the band to be like ‘ugh I fucking hate that song’, so I always try to keep that in mind.)

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)You did not send me a rec! Feel free to send me one now! In fact, open call, everyone send me fic recs, even if I’ve definitely read them.

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?Mm no I don’t do OCs.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?I mean, I enjoyed hearing that someone read my story in the corner at a party lol, especially because it was a chapter I was pretty pleased with and nervous about. Also any time anybody says something I wrote is a headcanon or ‘this should have happened in the show’ is a glittery feeling. When somebody notices a little clue or detail that isn’t obvious, it makes me ridiculously happy. Humans reading my thing then saying something about it is still crazy, so, yeah.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?Story time: my old fandom has this one character who has a lot of pretty hardcore stans. I mostly dislike the word stan but like… Yeah. So anyway, I got an email saying I had a new comment on my ficlet collection (keeping in mind I was in my ‘very unhealthy relationship with feedback’ stage at this point), and clicked on it all happy, and all it said was ‘I didn’t read this because another comment said it doesn’t contain enough *stanned character* and you really should warn people upfront that he isn’t gonna be in it, I’m glad I didn’t waste my time on it’. Which was just… A bizarre comment. Like, commenting to say you didn’t read the thing is weird in itself, but also you list the characters who are in the thing, not all the ones who aren’t?? Anyway, I then went on my tumblr and I had several anon messages that were just straight up hate along the same lines and… Yeah. The Criminal Minds fandom was a strange place. On a related note, have I told you today that I love you, CXG people? I love you.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?I am basically always up with talking stuff through with people.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?This is actually difficult to do right now. There’s a baby?

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?I mean, I made myself laugh a couple of times in my festive fic, but I’m more of a ‘this one line is funny’ writer than a ‘this story is funny’ writer. I’m too angsty!

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.This question is faaar too terrifying. I’ve actually never collabed with anyone, I’d love to though.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?Third. I think because I’ve only written for TV shows, no matter how closely you’re following one character, if you’re seeing them on a screen, you’re in third person. So it’s just an extra struggle to make that jump to another POV for me. I have written my not-fanfic mostly in first though, and I’ve read some lovely fic in first and second. I’m just not good at it.

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?One person.

41) What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?Hmmmm who is minor, really? I find AJ difficult but fun.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?I don’t write anything plotty enough for this to be a thing!

44) What is the last line you wrote?“Mm, because you know how irresistible your weird old timey voices are.”

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?I want people to read the thing, honestly. It’s a ‘reach out my lonely haaand’ moment with a little less melodrama. I want it to be out in the world doing what it’s meant to do. I also want it to be finished so I can read it – I get a very particular kind of happy feeling from reading a good sentence I wrote.

46) I really loved but if you really hold me tight. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?Lol it felt really weird to type that in there when you didn’t actually say it directly, but you said all so here we are! I’m just gonna take that compliment even though I wrote it… When I started coming to the end of writing that story, I started to feel really sad about leaving behind the warm domestic feel of it, so if I ever feel more domestic fluff coming on, probably it’ll be set after that.

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?You did not insert a made up title! Although insert a made up title has potential for Rebecca hounding everyone she knows to help her title a song she wrote.

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?Is ‘let’s have an actual conversation about this’ a trope because that’s my brand so far! I haven’t written anything particularly tropey, I don’t think, although the pull of ‘omg there was only one bed’ is strong right now!

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?Yes! It was a Criminal Minds fic, Hotch/Prentiss, canon compliant (ish) missing scenes kind of deal. I can’t remember the first CXG fic I read, which is ridiculous because it was a lot more recent. I started writing CXG fic before I started looking for it, because I hadn’t been inspired to write in so long that I didn’t want to scare myself away. I read some before publishing, but I can’t remember where I started.

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?I can only dream of being mentally stable enough to have a consistent answer to this lol. Angst comes more naturally to me, but writing angsty characters into happy situations is one of the ways I make sense of the world, so… Fluff, maybe, as long as I can keep the characters screwed up, because they just… Are. And like, same.

#anon #ask meme #aggressively writes fanfiction

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master-sass-blast · 5 years ago

Text

The Moments in Our Lives Leading Up ‘Til Now.

This fic is probably the biggest fuck you to my barely coherent timeline for this series.

Like, don’t ask me how the timeline actually works. Don’t ask me how long you and Piotr have been together. Don’t ask me how old either of you are. Don’t ask me anything about it, because I don’t know. That’s too much math and calendar work for me lskdjflskjflkjlsdkjf.

Summary: A series of snapshots as you and Piotr go through the journey of planning your wedding.

Pairings: Piotr Rasputin x Reader.

Rating: T for language, implied sex, and some references to some very angsty fics.

Set after “Planning Pains,” then continues through and goes after the ending for “You Can Always Go Back Home.”

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @super-darkcloudstudent, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @nebulous-leo

The ceremony and reception venue are easy –you both want the wedding to be at Xavier’s, Charles is more than happy to host it, and that takes care of that.

It also settles when the wedding is going to be. The only time the Institute can pull off hosting an event like that is in the summer.

“Man, I don’t know why I was freaking out so badly,” you remark as Piotr pencils in a specific date in an email to Charles. “This is easy.”

Famous.

Last.

Words.

***

Little did you know, there’s a lot of financial work that goes into planning a wedding.

The venue is free –and Charles is an ordained minister who does wedding ceremonies for mutants and other minorities, so that takes care of that fee, too.

Everything else, however…

Well, everything else would be easy if someone weren’t such a stickler for the rules.

“Babe, I’ve got more than enough money in my accounts to give us the wedding we want,” you argue as Piotr tallies up various figures on a piece of paper. “My uncle and Wade have me pretty well set up. There’s no need to do all this… stressing.”

Piotr purses his lips, looking downright annoyed. “I do not want dirty money funding my wedding.”

You do a double take and raise your eyebrows at him. “Excuse me?”

“It is principle.”

“Right. Are you just going to get rid of every gift I’ve ever bought for you on principle, too?”

You can almost see his hackles go up. “It is not same thing.”

“It so is!” you exclaim. “The money isn’t any less ‘dirty’ based on what event it’s funding!”

“So you do not object to concept of ‘murder money’ funding our wedding?”

You shrug. “I mean… if your mom sends any money to help—”

“Do not.” Piotr whirls around in his seat so fast it almost scares you. “My mother had no choice in course of her life!”

“Yeah, well, neither did my uncle!” you retort. “And this is my wedding too, which means I’m paying for at least some of it. So, either way, my ‘dirty,’ ‘infected’ money is going to be all up in our big day. If you didn’t want that, maybe you should’ve thought of that before proposing to me!”

Piotr recoils, almost as though you’d slapped him.

Your mouth hangs open, and for a long moment you wish you could physically suck your words back into your body because, truth or not, there was no need to say that.

Piotr swallows hard, sets his pencil down, and gets up. “I am going for walk. I wish to be alone.”

You purse your lips together and pinch the bridge of your nose as he walks out of your bedroom, closing the door after him. Dammit, Y/N. You and your big mouth.

***

You wake up to someone gently peeling your face off a wooden surface.

You gasp and jerk upright, sending several papers flying in the process. “I’m awake!”

Piotr chuckles and kisses the top of your head. “Easy, myshka. It is just me. What…” He carefully picks up one of the pieces of paper, which is covered in rows of failed equations. “What is all this?”

“I grade essays, not math tests,” you groan as you rub your neck.

He kneels next to your chair, looking over all your hard work with an awed expression on his face. “Did you… How long did you do all this?”

“I dunno,” you mumble as you rub at your face. “A long time. Like I said, I’m not good at math.”

“You tried to figure out how to make wedding work on smaller budget,” he says quietly.

“Yeah.” You sigh heavily. “Look, I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I… I stand by it,” you admit. “But I didn’t say it kindly, and I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

Piotr kisses the back of your hand gently. “Thank you. And, in all honesty, I was not nice either. I am very sorry, moya lyubov’.”

“It’s okay, babe,” you murmur as you lean over and kiss him on the cheek. “Look, we can do this on a smaller budget. It’s doable.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “But?”

You sigh. “Honestly… I don’t want to just not chip in on the wedding. But I can’t control where my money’s coming from. And… I don’t want a small wedding. Like, smaller guest list is fine, but I want a fucking blowout. After everything I went through growing up, I want a wedding with all the frills. I want something to look back on and go ‘fuck you, mom and pops, not only did I get married, but I did it in fucking style!’”

Piotr chuckles, the nods. “Alright. ‘Frilly blowout’ it is.”

You blink at him, stunned. “Wait, really?”

“Da. I am certain.”

“But… the money thing…”

“I thought about what you said while I went on walk,” he explains, gently rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. “And… you are right. I did know about your connections well before I proposed, and none of that changed my intentions or desires. And I cannot –should not—punish you for something you cannot control.”

You lean against his shoulder, nuzzling against his neck. “You’re sure you’re okay with it?”

“I am. I had to think it over, but I am.”

“Cool.” You sling your arms around his neck and press a loud, messy kiss against his cheek. “Let’s do this thing, baby. Let’s have a super pretty wedding.”

He chuckles and turns his head so he can kiss you back. “Sounds like plan, dorogoy.”

***

Things come to a temporary halt when you accidentally fall into the cocaine vat.

“I’ve ruined it,” you lament to Piotr one night while you’re still in the hospital. “We’re supposed to be planning our wedding!”

“Easy, myshka,” Piotr murmurs while kissing your forehead. “Wedding things will still be there when this is done. Your only priority for now is to rest.”

You frown –then giggle happily when he kisses your pouting lips.

It’s hard to stay upset with the world’s literal best fiancé by your side.

***

You wake up to the sound of Piotr gently crooning your name and the smell of chocolate chip pancakes.

He brushes your hair away from your face, trailing little kisses from your cheek to your temple. “Dobroye utro, myshka.”

“You were wise to come with food,” you grumble into your pillowcase. The withdrawals are still hitting you hard, meaning that exhaustion is basically your twenty-four-seven existence right now.

“I thought as much.” He helps you sit up, gets the plate situated in your lap, then sits next to you on the bed. “So, I thought we could talk about catering options—”

You whine. “Baby, I told you, I’m too fucking tired to plan anything—”

“Easy, easy,” Piotr soothes you, squeezing your hand reassuringly. “I took liberty of booking Grant for reception catering. I figured you would not be opposed since you had already had his food?”

You blink rapidly. “Uh… I mean, I’m not, but I wanted to help with the menu…”

“I know –which is why I only booked Grant for the date, not with menu,” Piotr explains. “I let him know you had some health problems, and he said since I reached out early enough I could send him final menu later. Then he sent me list of catering options to choose from. I thought we could make menu few items at a time, so you do not get overwhelmed. Does that sound good?”

And, well, it does.

“Okay,” you agree tiredly. “Just… not right now. I just want to eat breakfast.”

Piotr chuckles and nods. “Fair enough.”

***

“Look,” you say, grinning tiredly as Piotr falls onto his side whilst laughing. “Give me one good reason we can’t have chili bacon cheese fries as a side at our wedding!”

“They are disgusting!” Piotr exclaims.

“Blasphemy. How dare you.”

“They are messy,” he continues, ticking off each point on his fingers. “They would be difficult to make for catered event, and they are not on menu offered by Grant.”

“Dammit,” you whisper as you cross the item in question of your list of menu ideas. “Why do you always have to be right?”

Piotr just chuckles, then takes your hand in his and kisses your palm. “Please tell me that not all your ideas are fast food related.”

“I actually picked items from the catering menu, thank you very much. Although—” You look over the guest list again. “How many people do we have to invite again?”

Piotr frowns quizzically. “It… it is not ‘have to’ thing. We can invite as many or few as we wish. Why?”

“Because I want to have the cake to myself.”

Piotr snorts and shakes his head. “I do not think that is entirely possible, but we will make sure you get plenty of cake, myshka.”

“Okay, but like, how much cake?”

“As much as your heart desires,” he says as he leans over to kiss you.

You smile into the kiss. “Sounds perfect.”

***

The pictures in the magazine are taunting you. And if they aren’t, the captions definitely are.

You chuck the flower order magazine off the bed and roll over to take a nap. I’m too tired to deal with this.

***

The groom’s and groomsmen’s suits go easily enough. There’s only a few places Piotr orders clothes from, and they provide formal suit options, so it’s just a matter of getting measurements from everyone –and finding a women’s suit for Ellie, since she’s standing up as his “best man”—and scheduling a date for a fitting to make sure nothing needs to be altered.

Finding bridesmaid’s dresses –especially since Wade is your “maid of honor”—though, let alone a wedding dress…

“Honestly!” you snap as you shove your laptop away from you, disgusted. “What even are these sizes?”

“Shop in store,” Kitty says as she leans over the back of the couch so she can peer at the screen over your shoulder. “Considering you’re not familiar with industry or international sizing, it’s not worth the hassle to shop online. That, and you’ll have a better idea of how it looks on you.”

You nod slowly as you mull the suggestion over. “That’s… that’s a good idea.”

“Well, duh,” Kitty says as she twirls a lock of hair around her finger. “Oh, and take Neena with you. The part of the fashion industry that makes clothing for women is absolutely sadistic; you’ll need all the luck you can get.”

You exchange a fist bump with the teen. “Absolutely.”

***

You stare at your laptop screen, switching from tab to tab almost mindlessly, rhythmically. Your eyes aren’t even processing what’s on the screen at this point; it’s just a wash of colors and shapes and styles…

You inhale suddenly and close your laptop, quickly setting it away from you.

Flower choices can wait until another day.

***

“I don’t care.”

“Myshka—”

“I literally don’t care!” You flop face first onto your bed, sending invitation samples flying. “I’m totally apathetic! Just pick something you like and I’ll go with it! You’ve got good taste, I trust you!”

Piotr presses his fist against his mouth to hide an endeared smile. “This is your wedding as well, moya lyubov’. You should have say in invitation style.”

You give him an unamused, exhausted look. “Babe. I’m beat. You’re picking the invitations.”

He laughs at that, conceding with a nod as he leans over and kisses you. “As you insist, myshka.”

***

Shopping, admittedly, has never been your strong suit. You feel like you have a decent sense of style, but trying on garment after garment after garment just gets exhausting and makes your eyes cross after a bit.

You blanch as you eye the impressive, sleek storefront. “We’re sure I can’t just get married in some jeans and nice shirt, right?”

“Absolutely not!” Kitty declares.

You’d invited her along –in addition to Neena, Ellie, Yukio, and Alex and Illyana, who’d teleported over from Russia at your invitation—upon realizing the teen had a strong grasp on fashion and style. You’d been certain that her know-how with the industry would come in handy—

But right now, since she’s currently marching you into the dress store, you’re wondering if your choice is going to bite you in the ass or not.

The inside of the store is just as intimidating as the outside, if not more so. The attendants are all dressed and styled impeccably, and the perfectly polished floor gleams under the overhead lights.

You get set up with one of the attendants and go through what you want –something you can move in, something you don’t have to worry about your tits falling out of, something reasonably comfortable—and then Kitty and the attendant go back and forth for at least ten minutes about different cuts and fabrics that would suit you before the attendant takes you back to a dressing room and grabs a few different dresses in your size and price range.

The first one flat out doesn’t fit. You don’t even bother to walk out and show the others, since the attendant can’t even get it around your hips properly.

“I thought this was in my size,” you lament as she puts the dress back in its protective bag.

“Different designers and cuts lead to size fluctuation,” she reassures you as she reaches for the second dress. “I think this one will suit you better.”

The second dress does fit –small victories.

You eye your reflection, taking in the dress and how it sits on you. “It’s alright. What do you think?”

“I think it flatters your shoulders and chest pretty well,” the attendant says. “Let’s show everyone else.”

Kitty, however, naysays it as soon as you walk out of the dressing room. “Nope. Absolutely not. No way.”

You raise an eyebrow at her. “Do I look that bad?”

“You’re not smiling,” Kitty says, as though it’s the most important thing in the world. “Your wedding dress should at least make you smile.”

“I think it fits her fine,” Yukio comments as she looks you over.

“It fits her just fine, but this is her wedding dress,” Kitty fires back. “She should feel like a princess that’s walking on air. She should be glowing from the inside out because she feels completely and utterly confident in it. She should be smiling like she just got a coupon for an entire free cake from the grocery store and it’s being presented to her by a Golden Retriever and Anne Hathaway.” She waves her hand at you, shooing you back towards the dressing room. “That’s not it. Go try on another one.”

And so it goes. You try on dress after dress, all of which are perfectly stylish and fit you well enough, but none of which make you feel like you’re “dazzling,” or “sublime,” or any of the other words Kitty throws out.

“This is her wedding,” Ellie snaps when Kitty turns down yet another gown. “You can’t call all the shots!”

“I’m not,” Kitty argues. “But it’s clear she’s not feeling any of them. She shouldn’t get married in a dress she doesn’t absolutely love!”

“Yeah, but if you keep making her doubt every dress she comes out in, she’s not going to love any of them!”

“I’m not—”

Illyana gently squeezes Kitty’s hand before she can get into an argument with Ellie. “Easy, Katya. You have been… dominating.”

“I’m a Leo,” Kitty says as she tosses her hair. “I’m naturally charismatic.”

Ellie mutters something to Yukio that makes the other girl snort and clap a hand over her mouth.

“How about only a few more,” Alexandra speaks up, quelling the disagreement. “And then we can go for lunch and head home. No sense in going all day.”

“We should be fine,” Neena says as you turn to head back to the dressing room. “I’ve got a good feeling about this next dress.”

The attendant steps out of the dressing room after she unzips you. “I’ll be right back; I’m going to get a different dress. I’ve got something in mind now that I’ve seen which styles you gravitate towards and which you don’t.” She comes back a couple minutes later, dress in hand, and helps you get into it and—

Oh.

The attendant grins when you beam. “There we go. I think this one’s our winner. Let’s go show everyone else.”

Kitty immediately cheers when you walk out. “Yes!” She stands up and claps her hands, completely uncaring –and probably oblivious to—the glances she garners. “That’s it! That’s the one!”

Ellie smiles, nodding grudgingly. “Yeah. That one’s it.”

You grin as you twirl around, soaking in everyone else’s coos of delight and approval. Dress: done.

***

“We really should aim for a house,” you say as you scan yet another sample lease agreement. “Most of the apartments we want don’t even rent to mutants.”

You and Piotr are set up in the dining room, papers strewn across the table top as you work out your future living arrangements. Piotr’s working on calculating out various financial aspects of the whole ‘find a new place’ prospect, while you’re scanning different lease agreements and mortgage deals for unexpected catches. Neither of you want to live in the mansion full time once you’re married; you want privacy from everyone else, a space you can both totally customize—

But that means dealing with a lot of money and middlemen, which is generally where this whole thing is going to shit.

“We may have problem,” Piotr mumbles has he checks a set of figures on his calculator. “Buying house is not exactly cheap –and we cannot afford to not do things completely above board.”

You nod. “No, I agree. My finances are definitely out since I can’t really account where they’re coming from.”

“Why do you need to account where your finances are coming from?” Nathan asks as he pokes his head into the dining room. He takes a sip from his mug of coffee. “Is there some sort of legal hang up with the marriage?”

You shake your head. “Finding a place to live. It’s all shaping up to be a big fat mess.”

“Then don’t find a place just yet,” Nathan says with a casual shrug. “Look, the two of you are already planning and investing in a wedding. Get that off your plate, spend some time saving and making sure you won’t get dicked over legally, and then get a place when you don’t have a wedding staring you down.”

Piotr quirks his mouth to the side as he looks over at you. “It is not bad idea.”

“Fine by me,” you say as you start stacking up the sea of papers. “I’m happy to have one less thing to do.”

***

Neena’s mouth curves into a smirk. “So… what do you need me for?”

“I’m trying to pick out the flowers for my wedding stuff,” you say, only half-succeeding in not sounding completely and utterly desperate.

“And you’re hoping that my lucky powers will help you make a choice?” she surmises. She chuckles when you shoot her a fully desperate look and nods at the laptop. “Go for it. I want to see if it works.”

***

Everything comes to a stop when you’re kidnapped –and stays stopped even after you’re rescued.

Piotr merely kisses your forehead whenever you worry over the lack of progress on the wedding planning and tells you that your only priority is getting and feeling better.

Regardless of your marital status or planning progress, you’re home. That’s all that really matters.

***

“Do you have anything planned for your honeymoon yet?” your uncle asks one morning.

You and Piotr both blink simultaneously.

“We had discussed a few options,” Piotr says slowly after exchanging a glance with you. “But we had not made any final decisions or reservations as of yet.”

“If it’s alright with you two, I’d like to cover your honeymoon costs,” your uncle offers, fingers drumming restlessly against his coffee mug. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to make the wedding because of everything… and… yeah. I’d like to do that for you two.”

“Okay,” you say after exchanging a long look with Piotr. “Thank you. We really appreciate it.”

The corner of your uncle’s mouth turns up in a sad smile, and he quickly takes a sip of his coffee before it can turn into a frown. “Obviously, you two can always tell me where you want to go and I’ll make it happen, but… I was thinking maybe a trip to Disneyworld?”

You grin –you’ve never been to Disneyworld, and it honestly sounds like fun—but Piotr’s eyes go wider than a set of saucers and he sucks in a breath like a kid seeing all their presents under the tree on Christmas day.

Your uncle chuckles. “I take it Disneyworld is a good idea?”

You nod, smiling, as you watch Piotr grin broadly at the prospect of visiting the famed park. “I’d call it a plan.”

***

There’s only one upside to the whole kidnapping debacle with your parents: you already have lawyers on retainer when you need to change your name and add Piotr to the restraining order, since he’ll be your spouse and you don’t want anyone from your past getting any closer to him than they would you.

Matt, Foggy, and Karen –as with the restraining order situation—are a dream to work with. They keep everything straightforward and professional (and make sure no uppity license issuers try to deny the two of you any of the paperwork just because you’re mutants).

There is, though, something extra special about seeing your name change from Y/N L/N to Y/N Rasputin. Even though the ceremony still needs to happen, you’re legally bound to each other.

You grin at Piotr as you leave the courthouse. “Want to head back and start the honeymoon early?”

He laughs and grins back. “Why not.”

***

“What are we going to do for rings?” you ask one night, while you’re snuggled up next to Piotr in bed. It’s the middle of fall, which means you’re finally feeling chilled at night if you’re not taking full advantage of your fiancé’s extra warmth.

Not that he’s complaining, mind you.

“I mean, it probably won’t be too hard to find something for me,” you continue, reaching over to pick up one of Piotr’s hands. “But you’ve got some serious mitts, hon. That, and I don’t know if we can get a ring that’ll take you armoring up.”

“I have been thinking about this,” Piotr says, chuckling as you play with his fingers. “I would still like ring of my own, even if I have to get it fixed or replaced every now and then… but I was also thinking of getting tattoo, so I have a ‘ring’ even if I am not wearing one.”

“I mean, you can do that if you want,” you say with a shrug. “It’s on the finger, though, so it’s going to hurt more. And it’ll fade faster.”

“I do not mind pain,” Piotr says as he pulls your closer to him so he can kiss you. “And I would not want something complex, nor would I mind having to touch it up from time to time.”

“Alright.” You kiss his cheek, then giggle and ruffle his hair playfully. “Look at you, getting a tattoo! You’re becoming quite the rebel, mister!”

“You already knew I wanted to get work done.”

You press your finger against his lips briefly before going back to playing with his hair. “Shush. Let me have my moment.”

Piotr chuckles and catches your hand before you can make an absolute mess of his hair. “It would seem you have rubbed off on me, myshka.”

“I would hope so.” You grin, then teasingly rock your hips against his thigh. “I also like to rub on you, if you know what I mean.”

Piotr rolls his eyes, but then he’s kissing you and positioning the two of you so you’re on your back and he’s braced on his arms above you, and—

Yeah, you’re rubbing off –and on—him alright.

***

“I’m making the questions hard. You’ve known me for how long now? I can’t just lob you a bunch of slowballs.”

Piotr snorts and pauses to kiss the top of your head as the two of stroll about the Institute’s sprawling grounds. “Do what you must, myshka.”

“You better get them right,” you tease him further, grinning up at him. “It’s gonna look bad if we’re getting married and you don’t even know me.”

Piotr winks at you. “Worry not, dorogoy. I am confident in my success.”

“Good. Also, just a heads up, I’m pretty sure Mikhail’s gonna try to get at least five hundred dollars out of you for the payment part of it.” You giggle when your fiancé rolls his eyes and groans and squeeze his hand reassuringly. “Relax, babe. Your mom put a stop to it before he got too far with the concept.” When Piotr doesn’t stop grumbling under his breath, you tug on his hand and flash him a dazzling smile. “Hey. We’re gonna be married in two months.”

Piotr grins back, equally as bright. “That we are.”

You roll up onto the tips of your toes as he bends down to kiss you—

It’s just as wonderful as every other time you’ve kissed him.

Life is going to be amazing.

#sass writes #piotr rasputin x reader #colossus x reader #this is probably a mess as far as the timeline goes but oops oh well what else can ya do?#lots of fluff #and just... lots of tie ins to other fics i'm so sorry #like legit the timeline for the CHC is a mess right now #am i going to fix it?#probably not no lskdfjlskdjflksdjlfj #ooooooops #x men fanfiction #deadpool fanfiction

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