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tinyyoungblood · 4 years ago

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pillow fort tragedy | peter parker

summary: what do you do when you have the entire compound to yourself? that’s right, you build a gigantic pillow fort with your boyfriend and the two dudes you have to babysit—an enhanced ex-soviet assassin and the god of thunder from outta space. good luck with that.

pairing: peter parker x avenger!reader

warnings: language, fluff, tiny bit of conflict and mention of injury

word count: 2.6 k

a/n: absolute crack fic lmao enjoy! x

* * *

It was another Sunday at the Compound which meant that something completely stupid had to go down at some point. This time, it was a real team effort and Steve would’ve surely been proud to some extent. Only, Steve wasn’t there and if he were, all of this wouldn’t have happened in the first place, which probably would’ve been better for everybody involved. Wherever you looked, miles and miles of pillows and blankets covered what used to be the comfort of their home. Now, it was a new empire.

Turning on the comm in your ear, you continued squeezing through the narrow passage of blankets that were poorly draped over some wobbly chairs and shelves. “Guys? Pete, can you hear me?” No answer. For a second, your back touched a blanket and the whole interior started to wobble, making you hold your breath. Who would’ve thought that a highly trained assassin and an invincible God were absolutely terrible at building something as simple as a pillow fort? Hah, not you.

It all started at 11 a.m. sharp when the others left for a mission that neither you nor Peter were allowed to join, but that wasn’t anything new. The two of you were used to it and almost always found something to occupy your time with. The same thing couldn’t be said for Bucky and Thor though, who were both incredibly offended to be treated like “dense punks”. Dense punks as in Peter and you. But then again, the only reason you both weren’t allowed to tag along was your age.

The former was denied because he kept forgetting to put down the toilet seat despite various warnings on Cap’s side and death threat’s on Nat’s and the latter wasn’t allowed to join because of the smell coming from his room that was almost tearing off the wallpaper in the hallway. They were practically grounded which was hilarious, especially since this was quite a rare combination of team members that the Compound had never witnessed before. So, to break the ice and get properly acquainted, Peter had the revolutionary idea to build a pillow fort with every godforsaken pillow, blanket and bedsheet that the Compound had to offer.

And so it began. Every bed, except for Thor’s because you were almost 100% sure that something lived underneath it, was brutally stripped off its covers and used to build the most atrocious and unsteadiest one of its kind. From the Common room to the elevator, every square meter was covered. Your heart race had honestly never been as high as when you tried to get yourself something to drink after having to dodge every pillow tower on your way to the kitchen. You still managed to end up with a wet shirt and a swollen ankle.

It was honestly all fun and games until the games turned into the mission of their lives. Peter had jokingly commanded them to not let this fort go down, under any circumstances—a stupid thing to say to the Winder Soldier and the King of Asgard. And it wasn’t because of their admirable determination and ambition, no—it was because both of them were stubborn idiots who would never dare lose a game.

And from there on, it kind of went downhill. Things started to escalate, highly expensive items were shattered, people were thrown, pillow fights happened inside the pillow fort—it was awful and you were just glad that nothing had caught on fire yet. Suddenly the subtle ‘click’ in your ear made you halt and you listened carefully. “Y/N? Babe, can you hear me?” Peter’s voice was shaky and you hastily answered. “Yes, I—I can hear you, Peter.” He let out a long sigh, relief flooding over his aching limbs. “Oh, thank god, you’re still alive—Where are you? Are you okay?” You nodded eagerly and looked around. “I’m fine…but I think I’m lost. Actually, I have no idea where I am. The tiles all look the same. Stupid Tony and his stupid monochronic taste in architecture,” you mumbled under your breath and you could hear him chuckle.

“Okay, that’s fine. Your ankle’s still swollen, right? Don’t move it, we’ll come get you. I think I can hear your heartbeat—“ He paused for a moment and you thought he expected some kind of reaction so you hesitantly responded, “…Aww?”

“Hm? No, that—sorry, Thor is holding an inaugural speech and he just started to list off his childhood best friends and one of them, you won’t believe it, is called Bob.” He snickered on the other side of the line and you furrowed your brows. “Bob?” He hummed. “Oh, well. Uhm, anyway, why exactly is Thor holding a speech again?”

“Oh, he just pronounced himself King of Blankard.”

“…Come again?”

“Blankard? Because it’s a pillow fort? But we also used blankets? And Pillowgard just doesn’t have—”

“—the same ring to it. Got it.” You glanced in each direction of the tunnel but it seemed like you were still the only one in this area. “Peter, when are you guys going to get here?” He didn’t respond and the only thing you heard was a slow clap and a whistle. You rolled your eyes. Your boyfriend was cheering for the new King of Blankard so you might as well have to start thinking about ways to fend for yourself once dusk would fall. You heard some shuffling before his voice came back. “Sorry, babe, I just assumed it’s bad manners to interrupt a God while they’re monologuing.”

It wasn’t biologically possible for you to roll your eyes any harder but you made it work.

“Just get here.” You sighed and he smooched a kiss into your ear. Your ankle started to pulse so you decided to sit down for a while until they would find you.

A few minutes passed and you finally heard distinct chatter. Crawling toward it, you felt like a big toddler when Peter’s eyes locked with yours and lit up. “Baby!” He cupped your face with both hands and excitedly planted kisses all over your face, making you giggle. Parting from you, you shot Thor a smile who gave you a friendly nod. “Please, do not expect a greeting of that same manner on my behalf, Lady Y/N.”

You laughed. “That’s totally cool, Thor, don’t worry.” Leaning forward to look past Peter, you realized that Bucky wasn’t with them. “We’ve lost him,” Peter explained as he watched your face turn into pure horror.

“…To death?”

He almost choked on air. “Dear god, no. He took a wrong turn and now we can’t find him. He’s still very much alive…I think.” You nodded swiftly and glanced at your watch. “Okay, guys, it was really fun while it lasted but I need to get to my room now to send in that Biology paper. And maybe put some ice on this bad boy.” You gestured to your ankle but they stared at you blankly.

“What?”

“You can’t get through the hallway, Lady Y/N.”

“What?” You repeated yourself, brows knitted. “Why?”

“Blanket collapse. Kind of like an avalanche,” Thor explained and you stared at him in disbelief.

“Guys, I don’t want to play anymore. I really have to hand in the paper now. The deadline’s in 10 minutes.”

“But you can’t get through.” Peter tried to reason.

“What do you mean? It’s blankets and pillows. You just…” You gestured a sweeping motion. “…push it aside.”

He pouted. “But then the fort will collapse.”

“Peter, I don’t care.” You sucked in a sharp breath to speak calmly. “Can’t we just tear the fort down?”

“No!!” The two suddenly shouted horrified as if you had just suggested to run over a puppy. The terror on your face turned blank.

“…What?”

“Y/N, I love you, but I swore to Thor that, as a rightful citizen of Blankard, I would put my life on the line for this fort. It’s my home now and he even made me swore over a pillow and everything, it was really cool, you should’ve seen it.” Thor nodded proudly.

You pinched the bridge of your nose to stop the steam from coming out your ears. “Okay, how about this? I’m not a citizen of Blankard, right?” Your laugh edged on insanity. “So I could just…” You imitated the sweeping motion again. “…right?”

Not meeting your gaze, Peter fidgeted with his hands. “Well…”

You let your head fall back with a groan. “Peter!”

“I’m sorry, okay! But you’re technically one of the Founding Fathers,” he explained sheepishly and you wanted to pulverize him. Your glare sent shivers down his spine. “Peter Benjamin Parker, I am not going to miss my deadline because of a pillow fort. Now, get me…to my…room.” With every word you inched closer to him until you were pressed flush against his chest, piercing eyes boring into his soul.

He gulped and didn’t found the right words, or any words really, to escape his mouth so he just nodded stiffly. Racking his brain with all the movies he had ever watched, Peter came up with a quick idea. “Okay, how about this…” As he started to ramble about his plan, you took notice of Thor who was comfortably sitting behind Peter while stretching out his arm with an open palm. You’ve seen that movement far too many times and thus knew exactly what he was doing.

Catching you look at him, he smiled brightly at you while giving you a friendly wave. You waved back and averted your gaze back to your boyfriend.

“…So once I’m outside, I can easily climb through your bedroom window, open your laptop and turn in the paper for you. There’s no way that we could fuck that up, right?” He laughed nervously and you had to suppress your shit-eating grin.

“Sorry to disappoint, Pete, but looks like Thor’s already on that case. Don’t worry about it.”

With furrowed brows, he whipped around and you could swear you saw his soul escape his body. “Thor, NO!!”

But it was too late. Like domino stones, each and every pillow started to collapse and pull the blankets with it. Everything was happening in slow motion as Thor realized what he had done and once Mjolnir was in his hand, he quickly scooped you up and threw you on his shoulder. Peter landed on the other one and with both of you protesting, he ran away from the falling pillows and toward the elevator. Right at the doorway where the paths were lower, he let the both of you fall to the ground, screaming “CRAWL!!”.

Doing as told, you crawled as fast as you could in front of them, ignoring the sharp ache in your ankle but once you rounded the corner, you bumped into a hard chest. It was a very confused Bucky. His hair was tousled, he had a scratch to his cheek and overall looked like he came back from wrestling a bear. In unison, the three of you yelled “CRAWL!!” and he whipped around to lead the way.

It was all for nothing though. The walls around you started to give in and in the blink of an eye, four Avengers were buried under a pile of pillows and blankets.

It was silent for a second, no one comprehended what just happened. In some way, it was like the deadly silence that followed after defeat—a battlefield of buried hopes and duvets.

But you couldn’t help it and started laughing.

Of course, it was muffled but you laughed hard. The realization that you had missed your deadline because of a pillow fort that you built with earth’s best defenders was comically genius to you. Your belly shook with laughter while tears brimmed your eyes and you knew you were seconds away from running out of oxygen when suddenly the distinct ‘ding’ of the elevator caught your attention and your laughter abruptly died down.

Peter caught your eye as he suddenly looked…very excited? He wasn’t sure what part of his biological whereabouts made him feel this spur of adrenaline for being busted, maybe it was the teenage set of rebellious hormones, but it was for sure questionable.

Rising with the others, an all too familiar voice bellowed from the hallway. “WHAT THE HELL.”

A faint ‘Language…” followed and the corners of your mouth quirked up. Dizzily looking around the room, you had to bite back your laughter again.

It truly was like a battlefield. The others were scattered close to you on the ground, still halfway buried under a few layers while sharing silent looks of fear. Well, except for Peter maybe, who looked like he was standing in line for a roller coaster.

The footsteps came closer and within a second, they all stood at the doorway, still geared and everything. As expected, Tony’s eyes roamed through the room with bewilderment plastered on his face. Steve just portrayed pure confusion whereas Nat and Sam both had an amused smirk dangling on their lips, some might even say they were impressed.

When Tony’s eyes landed on the four of you, sitting in the middle of the room, looking like lost puppies who had no idea what maniac instincts overtook them to create this beautiful mess, he was speechless. Tony Stark was speechless.

The others glanced at him sideways, anticipating another explosion but instead, he looked like 10 years were capped off his life and he let out a long sigh. “…Pillow fort?”

The four of you nodded silently. Another moment of silence followed but this time, he had just accepted his fate. That’s what he signed up for when he left two men-children and two actual children at home all by themselves. This one was on him really.

When he noticed that the others were staring at him and expecting him to handle the mess, he almost looked offended.

“She's crying—“ He pointed at you and then Peter. “He's excited, I'm confused, nothing new. Now are we going or not?” Not waiting for an answer, he whirled around and left the room. Sharing a collective look of confusion, Steve informed with an amused smile. “We’re going out to eat Shawarma. Let’s go.” He nodded in the direction of the elevator and walked away, Nat and Sam following closely behind.

The room was silent again as Bucky picked himself up and Thor dusted off his clothes, both avoiding each other’s gaze. It was like nobody wanted to admit or even believe what had happened for the past few hours. Peter helped you up and wrapped your arm around his neck to steady you before leaving a soft kiss on your cheek. You smiled at him and together you walked, or more likely limped, toward the elevator. At the doorway, the four of you halted and turned back around to let your gaze fall on the remains of a fun afternoon. And just like that, it was another Sunday at the Compound.

* * *

this was so much fun to write and if i could make even one of you smile just a little bit with this one, it would absolutely make my day. thank for you reading! i’m playing with the thought of making a mini series just about the chaotic sunday adventures at the compound so a lot of domestic!avengers/au involving boyfriend!peter ofc so make sure to leave some feedback! xx

masterlist

taglist: @honeypie-holland @nerdyandproudofitsstuff

#peter parker x y/n #peter parker x reader #peter parker x avenger!reader #peter parker oneshot #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fic #avenger!reader #peter parker fluff #peter parker funny

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seokra · 4 years ago

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IF YOU LET ME...| (JJK) PART 9

Series: If You Let Me

Pairings: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining

Word Count: 2518

WARNINGS: Grinding/Dry Humping, Steamy Make-out Session, Guilt

A/N: Be prepared for a roller coaster ride of emotions, my friends.

The following week, you’ve spent every day at the gym with Jungkook. He kept to his word and taught you how to box. Demonstrating how your stance should look and how to throw a strong punch. His hands would find your hips, positioning you correctly, before nodding his head for you to begin.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t notice the way his hands would linger on your skin, making your nerves tingle beneath his touch. You also noticed the way his eyes would linger on yours long after he’s explained what to do, causing a spark to ignite in your chest. To make matters worse, you couldn’t help the way your breath would hitch whenever you observe the way his muscles contract and expand as he exercises beside you. He was a walking Adonis, there’s no doubt about that. Still, you tried your best to shove away the feeling, ignoring the stutter of your heartbeat whenever you’d feel his body brush against yours.

After working out, you’ve created a routine of having dinner with Jungkook. Your meals always started casual and easy, but always ended with some alcohol in your veins and heat on your cheeks. You’ve always known Jungkook is a flirt, more so when he gets some alcohol in his system. You just never thought you’d be on the receiving end of it, or maybe you just never noticed it before now. But the way his eyes sparkle at you while he flashes that devilish smirk of his, has butterflies erupting in your stomach.

Honestly, just the littlest things are catching your attention all of sudden. For example, the way his fingertips would just gently touch yours on the tabletop has electricity flowing through your hand and up your arm to your heart. You think maybe it’s just an accident, but he doesn’t move his hand away, and you don’t want to move yours either. In fact, You find yourself wanting to feel his hand in yours again. Since that first night at the gym, you can’t stop thinking about the feel of his large hand, rather it be around your own or on your body.

He’d always take you home afterwards and leave you at your door. For some reason, you have this urge to ask him to stay, not ready to part from him yet. But because he’s just your best friend, you fight back the feelings and reluctantly enter your apartment alone. You’d end your nights with your rabbit vibrator, always envisioning Jungkook’s tattooed hand. It seems you’ve developed quite a hand kink, Just imagining his long fingers wrapped around your throat has your core clenching. God, you really need to get laid… maybe then, your insane fantasies of your best friend will stop.

You wake up the next day and find yourself counting down the hours until you get to see Jungkook again. The image of his adorable bunny smile gets you through your work day, and then you’re off to finally meet him at the gym, beginning the cycle of emotions again.

Today, Jungkook is coming over for your weekly movie night. You feel anxious, busying yourself with tidying up your apartment, even though it’s already pretty clean. You keep moving around your throw pillows and rearranging your shoes by the door. You also find yourself constantly checking your reflection more than normal. Why are you so nervous? It’s only Jungkook! This isn’t the first time he’s been over and it’s not like it’s a date. So why do you feel like you’ll throw up a kaleidoscope of butterflies at any second?

Before you can ponder on your nerves any further, you hear Jungkook turn the knob of your front door. You quickly throw yourself onto your couch and turn on the TV, trying your best to seem at ease. He enters your apartment and joins you on the couch.

“Hey,” he greets you as he sets the bag of snacks he’s been carrying onto your coffee table.

“Hey,” you respond, disliking the way it sounded like you were out of breath. Luckily Jungkook hadn’t noticed, or if he did, he didn’t comment on it. You reach into the bag, looking for your favorite bag of chips, but you’re only met with healthy snacks like protein bars and dried fruit. You turn and look at Jungkook puzzled.

“What?” he questions, seeing your expression.

“Where are my chips?”

“I didn’t get them,” he shrugs.

Your eyebrows pinch together. “Why not?”

“Because they’re not good for you, Y/N,” he chuckles.

“So?” you huff.

“So, if you’re trying to get healthier, you gotta start eating healthier.”

You roll your eyes at him before you grab the banana chips out of the bag.

“What are we watching tonight?” he asks as he throws his arm behind you to rest on the back of the couch. Your eyes widen at the action, and you immediately tense up, unable to move or even look at him.

“Hello, earth to Y/N,” Jungkook waves a hand in front of your face. You blink and whip your head to look at him.

“Huh?” your breath catches in your throat when you realize how close his face is to you and you can’t help yourself from glancing down at his lips.

He gives you a goofy smile before repeating himself. “What are we watching tonight?”

You scoot back to put a little distance between the two of you, nervously pulling a strand of hair behind your ear. “Oh, um, what are you in the mood for?”

Jungkook leans back into your couch, eyes casting up to your ceiling as he thinks it over. “Hmm… I’ve been thinking about watching this new comedy on Netflix that just released,”

“Okay,” you say as you hand him the remote. He quickly finds the movie and presses play. You pull up your legs, crossing them and leaning back into your couch, forgetting that Jungkook’s arm was behind you. He starts to absentmindedly play with your hair, causing you to quickly look over at him. He isn’t paying you any mind, his focus is on your tv screen. Does he know he’s playing with your hair? You think to yourself. You run your hand over the back of your hair, which causes him to stop touching it.

“Oh, sorry, I-I didn’t realize…” he stammers, looking at you with his large doe eyes.

“It’s fine,” you assure him with a smile.

“Can I get some too?” he asks, motioning towards the bag of banana chips sitting in your lap.

“Oh, sure,” you move closer to him so he can access the bag easier. His arm slides off the back of the couch and lands around your shoulders. As he grabs a handful of banana chips, his arm pulls you closer to him. You narrow your eyes at his profile. He knows what he’s doing, that jerk! You catch him eyeing you from his peripheral as he stuffs his mouth, but he quickly looks towards the TV again, unphased by your glare. You shake your head as you try to focus on the movie in front of you.

Jungkook is trying his best to concentrate on the plot of this movie, but anytime you throw your head back laughing at something hilarious that happened on the screen, he can’t help but glace your way. His heart swells at the melodic sound. He’s reminded of the first time he ever heard such an adorable sound; the moment he knew he had fallen for you.

“Oh my god, did you see that?” you ask him, still laughing. He can’t help but brightly grin at you nodding his head, even though he had missed most of it due to watching your reaction instead. You’re covering your mouth, hiding your stunning smile as you slap your thigh from laughing so hard. God, he loves you. It’s been so long since he’s seen you like this; his heart fills with joy at the sight.

As you calm down from your laughing fit, you wipe the tears piled up on the corner of your eye. You glance at him and your heart skips a beat. He’s looking at you so endearingly. His eyes soft with an adoring glimmer, bunny smile on full display.

You give him a light shove. “Stop looking at me like that, you dork.”

“Like what?” he questions, a smile still planted on his face.

“Like that!” you exclaim, giggling. He could listen to that sound all day.

“Didn’t realize I was looking at you a certain way,” he shrugs, gaze falling to his lap for a short moment before returning to your face.

You lock eyes with his, smile faltering a little as you watch his smile slowly morph into a soft smirk. Your eyes land on the tiny dot beneath his bottom lip, admiring it. How can a freckle be so adorable? You don’t realize it but you bite your lip, drawing his attention from your eyes to your mouth before they flicker up to your eyes again, and you meet his gaze. His face remains soft, but his doe eyes have become more intense, staring at you with a look of want and longing. He starts to lean in closer to you, and your breath hitches. You stare at him wide-eyed while your heart rate begins to accelerate against your rib cage, threatening to break through. He’s so close you can feel his breath fan over your face. All of a sudden you lose all of your senses. The only thing you can focus on is him: the smell of his cologne; a combination of musk and jasmine, the heat radiating off of his body, and the sight of this beautiful man in front of you. Your mouth goes dry, causing you to force some saliva down your throat. Jungkook’s eyes flashes towards your throat as you swallow before finding your eyes again. You keep your gaze locked on his as his nose brushes against yours, lips ghosting over your lips but doesn’t touch. God, you just want to taste his lips. If you lifted your head just a centimeter, you’d be able to finally feel them against your own, but you hesitate, waiting to see what he does. He gently rests his forehead against yours and it feels like he can see right through to your soul. Your heart is beating so hard you almost don’t hear him speak.

“Y/N,” he calls, breathless

“Yes?” you sound just as breathless.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispers.

Unable to speak, due to your jumbled mind, you nod your head. That is all the permission he needs before his lips finally capture yours in a soft, gentle kiss. His hands reach up to caress your face as his lips slowly move against your own. His tongue juts out to lick at the seam of your mouth and you part your lips, granting him access. He doesn’t hesitate to wrap his wet appendage around yours. You moan into his mouth as your hands find the nape of his neck, grabbing onto his long tresses. Jungkook lets out a groan at the sensation and you happily swallow it. Your mind is clouded with only thoughts of him; the feel of his soft lips against your own, the way his velvet tongue tastes like bananas, and the way his hair feels like silk between your fingers.

His large hands slide from your face down the sides of your body to your hips before lifting you and placing you onto his lap. You straddle him and press your chest against his, deepening the kiss. You capture his bottom lip between your teeth and gently tug, eliciting a moan from his lips which causes a flash of arousal at your core. You grind your hips into him, and his hands find purchase on your ass. Jungkook firmly squeezes it before running his palms up your back. His tattooed hand weaves into your hair at the back of your neck, gently tugging it, causing you to expose your neck to him. He leaves wet kisses along your jaw, slowly traveling down the column of your throat. He nips at the sensitive skin where your neck and shoulders meet, making you gasp. He quickly circles his tongue over the bite, soothing it before licking a stripe up the side of your throat, causing a shiver down your spine. His lips find yours again, and the kiss becomes more fervent than before, leaving you breathless.

You break from the kiss for air. As you look down at him beneath you, he has this lovely twinkle in his eyes. It makes your heart stutter. His hand travels to your cheek and you lean into his touch, eyes fluttering shut.

“God, I love you,” he breathes out.

Your eyes snap open upon hearing his words. No. You can’t do this. You shouldn’t have done this. This was a mistake. How could you stupidly jeopardize your friendship like this? No. Jungkook can’t love you. You shake your head as you start to back away from him.

Panic sets onto Jungkook’s features as you start to withdraw yourself. “No, wait, Y/N. Let me explain.” He tries to grab for you, but you move out of his reach.

“This was a mistake,” you whisper more to yourself, but Jungkook hears it and his face falls. That’s the sight you didn’t want to see. The hurt painted on his beautiful face was what you dreaded most.

“Y/N, please let me explain. I-I'm sorry. Let’s talk this out,” he pleads, but you just shake your head.

“I’m sorry,” you mutter as you make your way to your bedroom. Jungkook follows you and catches your wrist before you reach your door.

“Y/N.” You keep your back towards him, afraid to face him and see the hurt in his eyes from your rejection. “Please.”

“You should leave.”

“What?” He drops your wrist and you finally look at him, sorrow in your eyes.

“We shouldn’t have done this.”

“What do you mean?” he presses.

“I mean we’re friends, Jungkook! We shouldn’t have kissed. Friends don’t kiss each other, at least not like, like that.”

He narrows his eyes, blood boiling with anger. “That didn’t stop you from sleeping with Hoseok,” Jungkook throws at you.

You scoff at him in disbelief, crossing your arms over your chest. “Get out,” you order, tone cold as ice.

“Whatever,” he angrily mutters as he leaves.

Once he’s gone, you’re left standing in your hallway, angry, confused, and disappointed. Angry with the way he threw your relationship (or lack thereof) with Hoseok at your face. Confused by the feelings you had for Jungkook, and disappointed in yourself for the way you handled this situation. Frustrated with your emotions, you cover your face with your hands as you mentally scold yourself. What is wrong with you, Y/N? You exhale a deep breath. Did you just lose Jungkook? The thought breaks your heart and tears begin to fall from your lashes. What have you done…?

#jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #bts fanfiction #jungkook f2l #bts angst #mutual pining #jeon jungkook fanfiction #friends to lovers #if you let me series #if you let me #hoseok x reader #hoseok angst #love triangle #unrequited love

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swimfuel · 4 years ago

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okay humanstuck thoughts under the cut

i owe a lot of this to @/rhythmic-idealist's kankri/vantasposting bc holy shit theyve got such a big brain (ill link to their individual posts when im on desktop since im using this to keep all my thoughts straight and i agree with most of what they say wholeheartedly)

general status quo stuff:

signless works in an extremely demanding career involving helping others (i'm leaning towards an attorney who works with organizations and does pro bono work), and is also extensively involved in social justice work outside of his job... he is very rarely home

he loves and cares for his children deeply and tries to express it whenever they're face to face, but the couch in his cramped and messy office has seen far too much use over the years for him to have been able to say it enough

his habits of working himself to the point of exhaustion are handily passed down to his kids btw

the kids had to grow up quickly because signless was out of the house so often and so consistently—kankri, who was already pretty high-strung, has to learn to take care of himself and karkat

they grow up near ms firuzeh maryam, who's their pseudoaunt/grandma (she took in a nine year old kavana vantas when she was about twenty), but they just call her ms rosa

they spent a lot of time in the maryam house growing up, with miss rosa's two nieces. porrim is a year older than kankri, while kanaya and karkat are the same age

kankri grows kinda sensitive to people trying to mother him since it rubs against the notion that he's the "adult of the house" and that he can take care of himself and karkat just fine

(and it also kinda underlines the fact that kankri has no idea what he's doing at the best of times)

and ironically enough, kankri becomes overbearing and naggy towards karkat in his own right, which forestalls them becoming close in any brotherly sort of way

they grow up really just... unable to communicate with one another clearly

karkat develops his ornery exterior in response to kankri's constant stream of opinions and frantic attempts at making up for the presence of a guardian in the house

i think there would actually be some really interesting parallels with rose in this au.. maybe i'm drawing from my own experiences as well but i think he'd begin to assume that every time his brother opens his mouth, he's going to criticize karkat

but instead of reacting like rose with the "making yourself more of a puzzle"/passive aggressive stuff, he gets a more defensive/hackles raised/"argue with you before you can argue with me" approach

and the thing is that they do love each other and would take a bullet for the other etc etc etc.. but they don't know how to express it because they've fallen into these shitty patterns

and it really doesn't help that kankri has grown somewhat resentful of signless over the years... that mix of resentment and fear and love gets more extreme and more polar every time signless gets injured during a political demonstration

i think kankri and signless would also be slightly closer than karkat and signless, as signless' job really only started to ramp up when karkat was less than years old and kankri was in his early double digits

kankri autistic btw its word of god (i am god)

karkat has a pet crab. its name is also karkat. he vents his frustrations to it.

i feel like the vantases exemplify both the best and worst parts of their aspects with one another as well... the strength of their bonds keeps them together and grounded, but TOO grounded. [insert Blood rant here]

the Blood rant:

i define Blood as bonds, responsibility, and the "core". if Life is the fertile soil and everything living on a planet's surface, then Blood is the gravitational core of the planet keeping everything together

i also think Blood, Heart, & Mind work in tandem to define a person just as blood serves to connect the pieces of the human body... Heart is the soul and the self, Mind is the application of one's self through active choices (agency), while Blood defines both the self and the choices one makes in greater detail [and, as an aside, Life provides the physical spark of life needed to keep the heart pumping blood]

OKAY wow that got tangential anyways

SO BASICALLY! too much Blood makes you stagnate, so for example:

kankri is split between staying home with karkat or going to college across the country and being truly unbound for the first time in years

another crisis of Blood: signless is caught between his empathy and responsibility to the whole world and his responsibility to his own children

okay so here's more status quo stuff:

the maryam and vantas kids grow up together and its hilarious because you'll see them all together and its just like (girlboss) (girlboss) (physical manlet) (emotional manlet)

the maryam girls are actually miss rosa's nieces but she took them in when they were both pretty young

the pyropes know the vantases well enough considering pyrope senior and sign have known one another from their respective legal practices for years, but they live on the other side of town

the leijons lived in town when kankri and meulin were very young, but they moved and travelled for a long time before coming back and reestablishing their roots

the captors (psii being one of sign's oldest and closest friends) move into town with the peixes family pretty early on though

the condesce is.. a horrible spouse and guardian, to put it plainly. she's very emotionally manipulative and isn't averse to smacking people around, including her own family. she moves herself and her perfect little family into town so she can properly oversee a new business venture close by

feferi is one of the best young swimmers in the country and has a pretty good shot of getting onto the olympic team.. a lot of this drive to be perfect and to be better results from the condesce's unrelenting pressure and thinly veiled resentment throughout her whole life

so yeah psii, )(ic, feferi, and sollux all live together and it's really not great for anyone involved. (meenah ran away years ago, and crashed on aranea's couch for a pretty long while—mituna moved out with latula for college before psii and the condesce got married)

it gets bad to the point of sollux staying with the maryams for two months while the adults try to sort out that absolute clusterfuck and get the divorce proceedings going (meenah finally convinces feferi to get out and come stay with her and aranea for the duration as well)

in terms of relationships i think latula and porrim were really really close in high school, and probably had some kind of unacknowledged thing going on for a while that never actually turned into anything because latula and mituna were going steady

kankri has had a crush on latula for years but never acted on it for similar reasons

meenah still carries a lot of that give no fucks attitude (it's developed moreso as a defense mechanism here) and can't understand why feferi refuses to leave the condesce with her

okay back to VANTAS MANPAIN i also think that karkat feels the weight of a lot of expectations on his shoulders as well

he feels responsible to live up to the example his dad and his brother set, even if it's to his own detriment—and kankri's oblivious rambling about his grades and his teachers and all his clubs certainly aren't helping the matter

kankri is one of those overinvolved kids taking a million AP's while simultaneously shitting on the collegeboard at every single step

hes this super overachiever anal retentive perfectionist type dude and (just as karkat preemptively criticizes others to forestall their criticisms of him only to harshly criticize himself) kankri subconsciously holds the people around him to the same expectations he holds for himself

so karkat also develops this sense of lacking which, in combination with everything else, culminates in self loathing and thinking he has to solve everyone else's problems and getting horribly mad at himself for every little mistake

GOD i have a lot more but lemme post this before i accidentally close out of the app and lose it all

more little details:

vriska's mom and terezi's mom HATE each other like HATE HATE HATE one another it's so bad

karkat wrote a ten page review of my immortal in middle school

jade is one of nepeta's best online friends

sollux can't raise one eyebrow at a time.. karkat gives him so much grief about it

the vantases eat a lot of shitty renditions of persian dishes until karkat learns to cook because literally the only person in the world with a CHANCE of getting KANKRI VANTAS to make an EDIBLE DISH is miss rosa

kanaya is really good at persian dance too but is VERY VERY embarassed to perform in front of people.. however porrim definitely is not

karkat has insomnia while kankri just stays up stupidly late for assignments that really shouldnt be taken that seriously.. but they both have the same rumination/sleep anxiety thing where your brain goes insane with horrible and depressing scenarios as you try to sleep

and more ideas that i thought were interesting but idk how to fit in the context of this au:

signless and disciple getting married pretty late in life after having been in love for years, the vantases move in with the leijons and karkat suddenly has two sisters

nepeta and karkat are both juniors at this point, meulin is probably in her third year at a local college nearby while kankri is about to start his second year at a university pretty far away

the kids in general honestly but ill figure it out

more random hcs this time with kids:

kanaya and rose get into a flame war online that gradually settles into elaborate courtship rituals

also nepeta + jade online besties

also bec can inexplicably still teleport

the first sbahj movie comes out and the next six months of dave strider junior's high school career are absolute hell

actually hc that dave senior goes by d strider professionally. the d stands for a lot of things

aradia and dave frequent a lot of the same forums but never end up really interacting

meanwhile karkat and john frequent a lot of the same forums and DEFINITELY end up interacting. this turns into grudging (at least on karkat's part) friendship after they find themselves fighting for their lives defending an objectively shitty movie together on the same thread

#humanstuck #vantas family #.

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beybladegods · 4 years ago

Text

My Beyblade AUs and Fic Ideas

I realized today that I’ve been creating Beyblade AUs and storylines in my head for almost 20 years and, since I’m not much of an artist or fic writer, I’ve decided to just compile a summary list of some of my favourites (this is not by any means a complete list).

Note that I am a KaiTakao shipper (it is my Ultimate OTP!) and so some of my ideas did come about primarily as KaiTakao shipping.

Actor AU - “Beyblade” is a live-action show, and all the Beyblade characters are actors. They take part in interviews, ‘Behind The Scene’ specials, and there’s blooper reels!

Avatar the Last Airbender AU - Takao is an Airbender, Kai is a Firebender, Max is a Waterbender, and Rei is an Earthbender who studies other nations bending techniques and has mastered lightning redirection as a result. I have backgrounds written for each of the boys (for instance, Takao’s mom was an Airbender who was killed in a Fire Nation raid on an Air Temple!), but this would get way too long if I wrote it all here.

Battle AU - One of my favourite and oldest personal AUs (that I still need to come up with a better name for). Everything from the series is the same, except instead of Beyblade battles the teams physically fight each other in a martial arts style tournament. Some fighters can manifest their ‘fighting spirit’ as a Sacred Beast, which grants them special moves and powers based on their respective Beast and Element. (The music on my phone often serves as a ‘soundtrack’ to the fight scenes that play out in my head). The Beyblade dish is now a life-size arena; for example, in the finale of Season 1, Takao would have fought Tala in an arena made like a snow-covered forest. It is possible for fighters to swap Sacred Beasts, but it’s extremely dangerous and the backlash of using a Beast/Element you have little affinity for is immense.

BEGA Takao AU - In G Revolutions, Takao snaps and joins BEGA after feeling abandoned by Kai, Max and Rei (similar to how Kai went ‘dark’ and joined the Demolition Boys in Season 1).

BeySwap AU- Everthing from the series is the same, except everyone has a different Bitbeast (eg. Max has Driger, Takao has Dranzer, etc). This AU can also apply to my Battle AU, as mentioned above.

Clone AU - (KaiTakao) After Boris’s attempt to clone powerful Bitbeasts in season 1 fails, he decides to try cloning the Ultimate Beyblader instead. He creates two clones from the combined DNA of Takao and Kai, resulting in Makoto and Gou.

Drama CD AU - (Kai/Takao) After Takao retires from Beyblading, he starts earning money by endorsing products, doing celebrity appearances for tv shows and events, etc. He’s asked by a company to be a ‘special guest voice’ on one of their Romance Drama CDs, and ends up being surprisingly good at it (after a rocky start).

Harry Potter AU - Self explanatory. I generally tend to sort the Bladebreakers as; Takao & Daichi in Gryffindor, Max & Hilary in Hufflepuff, Rei & Kenny in Ravenclaw and Kai in Slytherin. But I honestly can make a case for putting each of the main 4 boys in at least one other House. Examples; Takao could be a Slytherin based on his actions in G-Rev, both Max and Kai could totally be Ravenclaws, and so on.

His Dark Materials AU - The Beyblade characters live in the world created by Philip Pullman where your soul takes form outside your body in the form of an animal that best represents you, called a Daemon.

Mafia/Yakuza AU - (KaiTakao; Enemies-to-Friends-To-Lovers) Kai is a member of the Russian mafia, Takao is a member of the Japanese Yakuza. Both are from powerful mob families, each currently run by their respective grandfathers.

Magical Boy AU - One of my favourite AUs, I have two versions. One is based on a combination of Cardcaptor Sakura, Sailor Moon and Revolutionary Girl Utena, and the other is mainly based on Puella Magi Madoka Magica (which is why I also call that one ‘Puer Magi Takao Magica’ lol). Like the ATLA AU, this post would become way too long if I tried to write down the whole thing.

Music AU’s - I actually have three music-based AUs. One where the Bladebreakers are a band, one where all the Beyblade characters are members of an orchestra, and one where all Beybladers are blader/singers like Ming Ming, which I sometimes call my Idol AU, where all battles are a combo of Beyblade battles and sing/dance offs. These AUs exist because I often imagine the Beyblade characters singing/performing to whatever music I’m listening to when I’m on the bus.

Nier Automata AU - Based on one of my favourite video game series. Each of the Bladebreakers is a model of YoRHa android, charged by the Council of Humanity to fight in a war to reclaim the Earth against invading aliens and their Machine Lifeforms.

Pokemon AU - Self explanatory. I’ve created a Pokemon team for almost every Beyblade character.

Steven Universe AU - Beyblade characters as Gems. In some versions of this AU Max takes the place of Steven as the half-Gem, half-human hybrid main character, and in others it’s Takao. I particularly enjoy this AU because of the potential Fusions and Fusion Dancing <3. And I just love the SU series in general.

Sun/Moon God AU - (KaiTakao) Kai is the god of the sun, Takao is the god of the moon, Rei is the god of the earth and Max is the god of the sea. (You might have seen the moodboards I created for this AU).

Vampire AU - I love this AU because, thanks to the Dark Bladers, there is a canon vampire (and werewolf) in the Beyblade series, and therefore I think that a Vamp AU could potentially happen for real lmao. I have a ton of different versions, the Vamp AU umbrella is huge and I change it up depending on what I feel like.

Yuri On Ice! AU - Pretty self-explanatory, all the main Beyblade teams are ice dancers. (I even made a jokey meme about it, comparing Takao, Kai and Tala to Yuri K, Victor and Yuriy P).

#beyblade #my post #beyblade AU #god I wish I could write or draw properly #I often imagine these as fics or in a graphic novel format #there are dozens of AUs and fanfic ideas I've created that aren't listed #special mentions to my Coffee Shop AU #Royalty AU #Studio Ghibli AUs #Swimming AU #and fanfic tropes such as Fake Dating and Hanahaki Disease

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lucarioisinthevoid · 4 years ago

Note

What would everyone think of king Afton?

After many years of the animatronics killing nightguards, they finally caught William and killed him. But as you know from my ask about Goldie and Cassidy, Cassidy lied saying it wasn't him. When humans found out the animatronics were sentient, they locked all animatronics underground, including all the nightguards that were stuffed. Which meant Afton was still around to mess with the animatronics and the dead kids. When animatronics started getting the hang of having a society, springtrap (as how he went by in his suit. It became common among stuffed humans to make up names for themselves instead of using their human names) became the town nuisance. He basically caused trouble just get reactions, everyone just ignored him and pissed him off.

A few years later, about a week after Golden Freddy's and Cassidy's death, the guards were waiting for orders from king Fazbear, Bonnie was subcoming to guilt and depression seeing the situation with Goldie and Cassi as his fault, the Marionette was mourning the death of another child in her room, and Freddy was in his palace thinking. He honestly didn't know how to feel in the moment of their deaths, so he just kept thinking about it knowing the should feel something, like sad or angry.

Springtrap snuck inside the palace, almost too easily. When he was sneaking in, a human fell down. Freddy went to investigate, with springtrap following behind in the shadows. The human that fell sorta looked like Cassidy, except she had gold blonde hair, but that was the only difference. It was like the world wanted to play a joke on Freddy, "hey look!!! A little girl that looks like both of your now dead friends!!! Isn't that funny?!!?!" How dare the world. Before he could even think, all the feelings he should have felt flooded through him, the sadness of loosing the people he loves, the guilt of being unable to prevent their deaths, and the anger towards humanity for killing people he held close to his soul. Without thinking, he projected his anger towards humans on the child, and mercilessly killed her.

He was brought back to his senses when William started laughing and applauding the show before him. Freddy then attacked him, nearly killing him before realizing in this moment he was no better than him. After this realization, he declared war on humanity. The Marionette ran away back to the ruins never to be heard from again, and springtrap was made into the new royal adviser. Freddy hired him as royal adviser in hopes that maybe Afton could teach him to be more merciless.

The only reason why he was so merciless as a killer was because Chara made him think he was insane, and he was a player's puppet. He lived his own life so many times, why would it matter if he killed people if he knew they were going to be fine when he wakes up yesterday? Now Chara became dormant, and the players stopped controlling him. Kinda ironic how he's now feeling powerless despite now having complete control of his body.

He began to feel regret for everything his done. The many people he's killed, the many people he let stay dead. He was no longer above his actions. He was no longer above consequences. This made him fall into despair and depression.

After years of being royal adviser, Freddy gave him a title of king, trusting him enough to rule beside him as brothers. After he was crowned, him and Fazbear became closer, like actual brothers.

But they had disagreements, like all siblings do. Except their disagreements had to do with life and death. Freddy would argue with Afton over killing humans, he'd say that he needed to kill humans and collect their souls in order to set them all free. Afton would argue saying that everyone had already suffered enough, and that more children didn't deserve to die. When ever human children fall down and leave the Marionette's protection in the ruins, he would try and protect the children from Freddy, in hopes that he might be able to talk him out of killing them. Usually the kids flat out give up and let themselves be killed. Afton stopped trying to protect the kids after a 5 year old gave up her life to Fazbear.

King Afton, with the help of doctor Bonnie, removed his suit, and rebuilt Springbonnie and Fredbear. Fredbear remembered how Afton used spring for murder, but thankfully Springbonnie didn't remember how he was used. He didn't even remember the surface, he just knew who he was, who his brother Fredbear was, and that Afton was one of the people that made him. Afton talked with Fredbear privately about how times had changed from 1987 to now, when Fredbear was shut down to when he was rebuilt. Fredbear didn't remember the bite of 87, and his memories of the surface weren't any better. All he remembered was kids, the layout of the diner, and the stars he'd look at out the window.

Once Afton explained everything, leaving out the bite incident, Fredbear to forgive the poor corpse for everything he's done. He didn't trust him, he just forgave him. Fredbear and Springbonnie then left Afton's room where they were rebuilt and started living their own lives.

This Afton is a more forgivable, and melancholy version of Afton.

What would everyone in your AU think of King Afton?

First up, very interesting take, though now all the pressure of the “why did you kill” are put on Chara. The concept of Afton getting EXP from stuffing children into suits is wrecking me with laughter to be fully honest- this man must be buff- Everyone is a big number, but I can give you three main people, I think.

Marionette hates him- like all Williams. He doesn’t believe in redemption; he doesn’t believe in the concept of regret. Nobody ever regretted what happened to him, thus regret must be a hindering emotion at best- a liability at worst. Useless and hurtful. This William is pathetic! How can you go around killing children because of some fucking spirit?! And then being all regretful about it, as though it makes a difference?! Devaluing these murders even MORE! How much must he hate these children that he admits openly that his murders were pointless and soulless and now after decades something he would be taking back?! HOW DOES THAT HELP?! WHO?! HE DOESN’T DESERVE PITY. AND YOUR FREDDY, HE SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIM FOR GOOD! SO WHAT IF YOU ARE “EQUALLY” AS BAD?! IF TWO WRONGS MEET AND ONE KILLS THE OTHER, THEN WE HAVE AT LEAST ONE RIGHT! There is nothing more appalling to him than regretting the evil deeds, because then you say you did those evil deeds out of weakness and selfishness and nothing else came from it. Marion doesn’t regret killing the guards. Marion DOESN’T regret killing the guards! (My Marionette would make a much more ruthless ruler of the underground than both William and Freddy combined…) Fredbear is actually somewhat happy. He feels terrible for everything that happened until then and that the Marionette had to leave home because of William returning and becoming an advisor- and of course, he’s agonizing about the fact that another child had to die. But in the end, there’s some reassurance in William just being another puppet, suffering the circumstances and now working for redemption. The children are still here in some way after all, with this new technology- once it is perfected, everyone can live the life they wanted. All he hopes is that William will be a force of good this time around and for good this time. He shouldn’t have crumbled to the timeloop, but… … things like that are mindbreaking, certainly. Not being yourself is extremely scary. And how can you be sure you ARE yourself? If he would have the chance to say anything to Afton, then it’s to not give protecting the children. They need you. They need someone to stand up for them. No matter how pointless it seems or how often you fail, continuing to try is what matters. Stay determined. You owe them this after all- you have proven your ability to use what’s inside of you for destruction, make sure that it will become good permanently. You need to wake up every morning and choose to do the right thing. They need you. Both the living and the dead. Old Sport thinks he’s a funny fucker. As someone in the same shoes as him- well, without that evil spirit thing, but still- he sees his acting out and then doing a 180° as pretty hilarious. Like, sure, you go dude, reinvent yourself as this regretful somebody who wants to help, Old Sport gets it, he has done stuff like that too- but being all mopey and melancholic about it? Just move on! If you were in a loop, what does it matter? Reset and restart. You didn’t feel bad doing it, right? So why feel bad now? What’s the point? Genuine question. You did the deed, you committed the crime and that was okay. And then you stuck to that timeline. Sorry, not sorry, you have nobody to blame but yourself. And that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to move on and change and make peace, that’s totally fine, but the way Old Sport sees it from the outside, there’s a lot of misplaced guilt. This is a story, right? … … even if Old Sport doesn’t like, part of him feels jealous. Afton lacked control over his body, but at least he had a soul, right? At least he HAS a kind of personality and sense of self. He can make himself into a consistent character, unlike Old Sport who has to pick and choose and never knows what to do- In his opinion, Afton needs to get a grip and be less ungrateful for the things he actually DOES have. Save the kids, kill the kids, whatever, protect your sense of self… but then at least be satisfied with your choices that came out of that sense of self. Guilt is a choice. Either regret and act or don’t and stay back.

#NOT my AU

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soveryanon · 5 years ago

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Reviewing time for MAG167!

- I did appreciate a loooot that little “break” to deal with (past) interpersonal problems and how they intertwined with the Fears. Characters-of-the-day in this season have been feeling mostly interchangeable since they’re rewritten/decontextualised from their past lives, and the narration covering multiple individual nightmares doesn’t really help, so… It felt safer and more comforting to go back to characters being themselves, even when that also ended miserably?

- I got super excited on first listen because !! New names!! New random tiny tidbits of lore regarding the past of the Institute! Pre-Gertrude era!

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “When she first joined the Archives, she took the place of a man named Angus Stacey, whose face was torn from his skull by a creature of masks and smiles. Gertrude had thought of it as “The Grinning Wheel”, and it was one of the first things to fall at the hands of the Institute’s new avenger. Appropriately enough, Gertrude used fire. […] Angus Stacey had, in the long tradition of Institute Archivists, been a disappointment to the man whose eyes then sat in the smirking face of one ‘Director Richard Mendelson’. Angus had been too keen to learn, too ambitious in his academic legacy. He had had grand plans to revise Smirke’s Fourteen and, in trying to do so, burned through his resources; his luck; and ultimately all but one of his assistants. When Gertrude was appointed to the role, there was a single survivor left in the Archives: a woman by the name of Fiona Law.”

So:

* Angus Stacey was the previous Archivist, killed by a creature of The Stranger… which, aouch (Gertrude wasn’t killed by one, but had spent a good amount of time thinking about their ritual before her death, didn’t feel like she was putting out as much energy against The Dark honestly? And Nikola wore her skin during The Unknowing. The Stranger was all around there at the beginning and at the end, uh…).

* Interestingly, Angus was aware of Smirke’s taxonomy, and so was Gertrude at least towards the end of her life (since Gerry mentioned that he liked to use his classification in MAG111); I wonder if there used to be documents about it in the Archives, potentially by Smirke himself, before Jonah possibly hid them away to ensure that Jon would be kept in the dark about it…? (It’s also possible that such documents exist and Jon didn’t have the time to stumble upon them: he’s been Head Archivist for only three years).

* OOFT that the Archivist pre-pre-Jon wanted to “revise” Smirke’s classification… which highlights, once again, that that classification was subjective and an interpretation, but not something set in stone – despite what Smirke was attempting to do with his architecture.

* Confirmation that Gertrude knew another one of Jonah’s identities when she began to work in the Archives! James Wright was Head from 1973 to 1996, so that had always been a possibility. When Elias commented about how “Fifty years is a long time! [CHUCKLE] End of an era.” in MAG158, it really wasn’t an exaggeration. Gertrude lived through three of his identities.

- I’m really glad to know that, since Jonah used to be a “Richard Mendelson”… his nickname must have been “Dick”.

As Jon, master of redundancy, said in MAG096: “Cocky prick.”

(My only regret is that Tim didn’t live enough to know that. He would have made Elias’s life hell about “Dick” TT__TT)

- Laughing very hard that Jonah’s main characteristic is definitely… his way of smiling.

(MAG092) ELIAS: Now, you have something to ask me? BASIRA: Go for it. DAISY: Before I strangle the grinning bastard.

(MAG108) PETER: I have a meeting with him today. He suggested… I’m sure he’s watching from his office, grinning from ear to ear.

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “Angus Stacey had, in the long tradition of Institute Archivists, been a disappointment to the man whose eyes then sat in the smirking face of one ‘Director Richard Mendelson’.”

HOW the heck did he manage to attract and to give that aura of seriousness to his peers back in the 18th century? Is it a case of arrogance being perceived as confidence back then, when it’s just making Jonah obnoxious and insufferable nowadays? (It’s also SUPER FUNNY that Elias was, at the beginning, identified as kind of… bland and unremarkable, passive, a bit lazy, thanks-for-nothing-dude? While, once he reveals himself, it seems to go hand-in-hand with grinning/smirking faces. Gods. Basira, you should have punched him some more.)

- I recognised the name “Fiona Law” on the spot, since MAG029 was one of the first episodes to mention past details of the Institute, with the Elias Timeline Problem! Statement of Nathaniel Thorp, left on June 4th 1972:

(MAG029) ARCHIVIST: Fiona Law, the research assistant who took the statement, passed away in 2003 from complications following a liver transplant, and with two exceptions no-one else working for the Institute at the time is still employed here. Gertrude Robinson was there, of course, but we can’t exactly ask her, and Elias was working as a filing clerk at the time. I followed up with him, and he does remember there being something of a commotion around that time about someone self-harming while giving a statement – rumours said they’d cut off their finger or something – but he wasn’t directly involved and didn’t know much more about it.

Regarding “Elias”, since he’s meant to sound “middle-aged” (and not “old”): I’m still choosing to assume that MAG049’s information was correct, and that Jonah slipped up and mentioned a time when James Wright was working as a filing clerk, since he would become Head of the Institute the following year and that’s probably when Jonah took his body. The strange thing is still that Jon just accepted without a question that Elias was 20+ years older than he looked, but eh.

The HILARIOUS and accurate detail is that, regarding Fiona’s tendency to pass out when in danger?

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “Fiona was the most fascinating combination of curiosity and cowardice, pushing forward and forward into the unknown, until the very first moment of threat… crystallised. And then she was away. Of course, retreat is not always possible in such a line of business, and when that proved to be the case, there was a single trait which Fiona possessed that saw her surviving encounters which had killed far braver souls than her. Because when she was pushed to the very limits of her terror, Fiona Law… would faint. And while there are those things in the dark that would kill you as you slept, most get no real delight from it, unless you are awake enough to know what is happening. And so, through cowardice and unconsciousness, Fiona had survived an entire generation of Archivist.”

It may have been A Thing that happened in MAG029!

(MAG029, Nathaniel Thorp) “The end, I suppose. Thank you for indulging me, you’ve been very patient. I’m well aware I came in to tell you my own story, and instead have rattled off some old folktale, which you’ve dutifully taken down. I do feel now, though, that I’m at a place where I can tell you of myself. But for one final bit of context, I need you to watch this. Pay attention.”

ARCHIVIST: Archivist’s note: After this point the rest of the page is covered in what appears to be a large bloodstain. The statement resumes on the page afterwards, in a somewhat shakier hand.

“Apologies for that. A bit dramatic I know, but I always feel a demonstration is best in these situations.”

She might have passed out and then resumed taking the statement when she woke up x”)

- Sarah Carpenter took me a few more seconds on first listen, but given that Paul McKenzie had been put back on the foreground with MAG146, the name still quickly rang a bell (statement given on August 24th 2003):

(MAG027) ARCHIVIST: When this was originally logged, apparently we did send a then-member of the research staff, one Sarah Carpenter, to take some readings of the house. Apparently she felt there was little enough danger to justify an overnight vigil at the place, but like everyone else in Mr. McKenzie’s tale, she encountered no strangeness or intruders on the upstairs landing, or in any other part of the building. […] The only other thing that stands out from this as strange is that Sarah Carpenter, the researcher originally sent to look into this back in 2003, took some rather detailed photographs of the interior and layout of the house. Looking through them now, it strikes me that the bedroom door, to which Mr. McKenzie refers so often, does not appear to have a keyhole, or any sort of lock.

“Research staff” (Fiona was also identified as a “research assistant” in season 1) but, given that Jon didn’t even know that Gertrude used to have assistants by MAG080, it’s likely that the data about (past) Archives staff is… hard to get / hidden a bit.

HEAVY SOB IN GERTRUDE/AGNES that the thing Gertrude saw in Sarah was her “fire”:

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “Eric was replaced by another assistant, not so young as Michael, and hardened with some encounters of her own. She was eager to prove herself, and exactly the sort of person to intrigue the ageing Emma. There was a fire to Sarah Carpenter, perhaps the one which led to Gertrude hiring her, and Emma’s curiosity ignited once again, this time keen to find out exactly what it would take to break this brave investigator of the unknown.”

Like, wow, Gertrude, please, you had a type.

- I love how, with just tiny brushes, it really felt like Emma-Eric-Fiona-Gertrude were indeed once upon a time a team, with their own dynamic?

It gave me season 1 flashbacks, with Tim&Sasha commenting a lot about Martin being jumpy, Jon groaning about Tim’s April Fools Prank, etc. Own team with its own flavour.

It also reminds me that Jon had mentioned that some files were in better order:

(MAG060) ARCHIVIST: The mid-to-late 20th century seems marginally better filed than most of the archives, so we haven’t seen as many rogue statements cropping up from that period.

So: Emma-Eric-Fiona-Gertrude used… to do the work, back then, probably? Eric, at least, had the qualifications.

- I was really hoping that we would learn about “Emma” since Eric had mentioned her, Jonny had announced in the season 4 Q&A that we would:

(MAG154) ERIC: You know, you were never actually that nice to me when I worked for you, Gertrude. Not like Michael, or Emma.

But WOW, I. wasn’t expecting her to be that bad. It’s really strange, because for the first half of the statement, I thought that Emma was the quintessence of Beholding? Scheming bad things to experiment and observe them from afar? And turns out she was going Web?!

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “But Emma had a sickness. As much as she might have despised the ageing Fiona, it was the same one that plagued her: curiosity. That desperate, grasping need to know. […] The experiments were simple enough. When a statement was close enough, and real enough that finding its source seemed a possibility, Emma would volunteer herself and Fiona to investigate it. […] Once out near danger, Fiona would always find herself… ever-so-slightly ahead; always seeming to be inexplicably the first through the door. And more often than not, it would close behind her. By the end, the poor woman genuinely believed spontaneously locking doors were a tell-tale sign of the supernatural. Emma would do her best to observe from safety, making notes, only retrieving the often unconscious Fiona when the danger passed. She watched, as her poor guinea pig stumbled through a maze of whispering grubs; she timed the intervals at which Fiona emerged from a hungry fog; and recorded her barely escaping the Sandman, who came to take her eyes. Poor Fiona never suspected a thing. […] When Emma came to tell Gertrude what had happened, she found the first of the cobwebs in her hair, the ones she would wash from it every morning for the rest of her life. And Gertrude mourned the first of many losses, and did not suspect the truth. […] And all through it, Gertrude could not see what was happening. And certainly the Spider smoothed things, elided questions, wiped away evidence, but it barely had to. Far better to feed Gertrude a steady string of plans to foil, and rituals to derail. […] When Emma Harvey awoke to the searing heat, she knew she was already dead. As the fire took her, and left her flesh running off her bones like oil, all she willed was not to give it the satisfaction of being afraid.”

* Down to the detail of Gertrude dealing with it with fire, when it’s been highlighted by The Lightless Flame that The Web is vulnerable to it (Eugene’s statement in MAG139, Agnes against Fielding at Hill Top Road, the spiderwebs burning in Jack Barnabas’s flat when Agnes was waiting for him).

* It’s interesting that Emma didn’t seem to be aware that she was going Web-y? Or, at least, had no particular devotion towards The Web as a concept, and felt like she was simply doing her stuff – like she got involved with the Fears, and they twisted natural traits into something terrible. Or is it that The Web was using her and hollowing her out without her being aware?

* We know that Raymond Fielding’s house burned on Hill Top Road around 1974, and that Annabelle was “created” (shortly?) before November 2010. There was a gap in Web avatars/activity in that time, potentially filled by Neil Lagorio (culminating with Annabelle visiting him in 2012). But Emma’s activity does coincide nicely in-between Fielding and Annabelle – was the Web focusing on her in that time, until the tree got uprooted at Hill Top Road?

* It was already a surprise in MAG145 to learn that The Web had been active in the Archives during Gertrude’s youth (it didn’t arrive there with Jon and Neil Lagorio’s original cuts), I’m even more surprised to learn that it had rooted itself this deep and so close to Gertrude back then. It couldn’t have been closer to an Archivist than by touching an assistant! (Well. Or by touching/marking/digging its roots into an actual Archivist. *squint at Jon*)

* Emma really reminded me of Leitner experimenting on his assistants, and of Annabelle’s creation? It’s interesting that “arts/stories” and “experiments (on humans)” seem to be the two main Web-related activities. It’s also interesting that Emma’s experiments… led to Fiona and Sarah being touched by multiple Fears (and just barely escaping them), as if prepping the modus operandi for Jon?

* I’m still REALLY surprised that Emma didn’t turn out to be the Quintessence of Beholding budding associates; Webholding…?

* … My main question being: if Emma turned out to be Web, HOW COME Jonah Magnus is officially of the Beholding. I MEAN.

(MAG092) ELIAS: Jonah Magnus did leave him in that place, Jon. He got the letter, oh yes, and was on good terms with Mordechai Lukas. He could have interceded, perhaps even saved him, but he did not. And it was not out of malice, or because he lacked affection for Barnabas Bennett: he retrieved those bones sadly enough when the time came. Bones that you can still find in my office, if you know where to look. No, it was because he was curious. Because he had to know, to watch and see it all. That’s what this place is, Jon, never forget it.

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “When Smirke first gathered our little band – Lukas, Scott and the rest – to discuss and hypothesise on the nature of the things he had learned from Rayner… I felt what I believe we all felt: curiosity, and fear.”

Down to the “curiosity”?? Sacrificing people just to see what would happen??? That’s textbook what he did??? (But then, I’m REALLY not sure that part of Elias’s head hasn’t been filled with cobwebs for a loooooong time.)

- I’m gonna laugh for a looong time that Elias gracefully allowed murder as long as it didn’t take place within the Archives.

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “It was a trivial matter to convince the man who now watched from the skull of Elias Bouchard to allow it, so long as the deed did not take place within the Archives itself. But it didn’t need to. An employee’s home address is a simple thing to acquire.”

Too much paperwork to fill? Or afraid of fire in the Archives? (I was surprised that he allowed it in the first place, because… what were his feelings towards Emma? Loving that little monster? Annoyed that this little shit was killing off employees and that he had to work on the cover-ups? Frustrated that The Web had invited itself within his Institute? Irritated that their methods looked so alike? With MAG145/MAG158, I had gotten the feeling that Jonah might have tried to smooth over his relationship with Gertrude with the death of James Wright – since Gertrude had identified that he was spying on them, and that Elias&Gertrude seemed to collaborate from time to time afterwards (Gertrude had realised he was Jonah, but Jonah only understood that right before killing her). So maybe it was just to appease Gertrude?)

- Regarding the “curiosity”, really loved how it felt like a form of disease taking hold of the assistants and pushing them to their dooms (taking risks / experimenting on them):

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “Fiona was the most fascinating combination of curiosity and cowardice […]. She had never got deep enough into the mysteries that plagued her to slake that burning curiosity. And she never would. […] But Emma had a sickness. As much as she might have despised the ageing Fiona, it was the same one that plagued her: curiosity. That desperate, grasping need to know. […] There was a fire to Sarah Carpenter, perhaps the one which led to Gertrude hiring her, and Emma’s curiosity ignited once again, this time keen to find out exactly what it would take to break this brave investigator of the unknown.”

And… crying a bit about Sasha and Jon, once again ;;

(MAG026) SASHA: I should really quit, you know. We, we all should. I don’t think this a normal job. I, I don’t think this is a safe job. ARCHIVIST: You’re probably right. Do you want to quit? SASHA: No. I’m just… I’m just too damned curious, I suppose. You? ARCHIVIST: No. Whatever’s going on, I… need to know. Get some rest.

“Curiosity” was something Jon&Sasha both shared… if Sasha had stayed around for longer, would she have turned like Emma over the years/decades…?

- The episode’s title seemed to refer both to Emma (and the assistants)’s “curiosity”, and to Martin’s own – Martin deciding, after the story, that he didn’t want answers to some of his own questions (he learned! ;;). But also, it puts to mind what Jonah had said about Gertrude:

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “More than once, I thought [Gertrude] must secretly be of The Hunt, but there was never that sick joy in her, that thrill of predator and prey. She had simply decided that this was her position in life, and went about it with a practicality that even I found disconcerting at times. I once asked her… what drove her, what had started her down that path. She told me The Desolation had killed her cat…!”

Curiosity Kills The Cat. (Though: in this case, it was The Web/curiosity which “killed” Emma.)

I’m also CRYING because this exchange took place in 2013-2014, so after Gertrude had already got rid of Emma:

(MAG162) GERTRUDE: Find anything [ITEM FALLING ON THE GROUND] interesting– GERRY: Oh…! GERTRUDE: –back there? [DOOR CLOSES] GERRY: Yeah, sorry, I was just, hum… yeah. GERTRUDE: Curiosity is a very dangerous trait in our line of work, Gerard. GERRY: So is ignorance.

And what did Gertrude THINK and FEEL when she saw Gerry trespassing and taking an (unauthorised) look at her things? When he looked like he himself was succumbing to “curiosity”?

- Regarding The Web’s threads being involved in the derailing of rituals…

(MAG111) ARCHIVIST: And Gertrude wanted to stop [the rituals]. At… any cost. GERRY: She worked out they’d all be happening quite close together. She’d already been doing it a while, and the Unknowing was the next on her list. That and the Watcher’s Crown.

(MAG134) PETER: There are two Powers that, to my knowledge, have never attempted to fully manifest, never had followers set them up for a ritual: Mother-of-Puppets, and Terminus. The Web, and The End. The Web, I’ve never really been sure about: if I were to guess, I would say it actually prefers the world as is, playing everyone against each other, and so on.

(MAG151) SIMON: And honestly, the idea that this is all some… “grand cosmic joke”, thousands of us running around spreading horror and sabotaging each other pointlessly while these impossible, unknowable things just lurk out there, feeding off the misery we cause… [INHALE] I find that interpretation quite appealing…!

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “By this point, Gertrude was fully lost to her plots and plans and struggles, and as long as her assistants played their parts when asked, she paid them no more mind. And the frequency of genuine encounters grew, as the season of hurried rituals came nearer. […] And all through it, Gertrude could not see what was happening. And certainly the Spider smoothed things, elided questions, wiped away evidence, but it barely had to. Far better to feed Gertrude a steady string of plans to foil, and rituals to derail.

Was it to ensure that they wouldn’t succeed? Or was The Web having its kick with organising and derailing the rituals around? It really reminded me of Simon’s words, the idea that even if rituals weren’t successful… they were still feeding the Fears with the overall commotion.

- Was the man who killed Sarah Diego Molina? He fits the description:

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “He was bald, dressed in dreary office clothes. To a cursory examination, unfit and unremarkable, save for his peculiar surroundings. […] He split open like a flower bud blooming, and inside there was only the most terrifying heat. She had no time to run, and by the time she thought to scream it was too late as the thing enveloped her, closing tight – until she was simply more ash, trapped forever inside that charred and hollow shell.”

… And ;_; Gerry killed Diego Molina in December 2011. One or two years before Gertrude would contact him and offer to free him from Mary, and they began their collaboration. Did she feel some gratitude that he had avenged Sarah, back then…?

- Regarding Gertrude’s collaborators, I’m surprised to see Salesa included in the list:

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “And with that, Gertrude Robinson was without assistants. She never hired another. She worked with those that seemed useful until they were no longer so: Leitner; Dekker; Keay; even Salesa on occasion. But she never again allowed herself to trust.”

From what we know, Salesa was occasionally selling items to the Institute and had given a few statements (MAG115), but I don’t recall clear-cut examples of them working together. Are we meant to learn a few more things about Salesa…? There is still the mystery of his death (?), the explosion (MMMMM…), the absence of body and the camera being retrieved in Floyd’s statement (MAG141)…

- Alrighty, elephant in the room with this episode: ~*timeline problems*~!

This is the information we had so far regarding the chronology of events surrounding Hill Top Road, Agnes, and the Archives/Institute drama during Gertrude’s tenure:

* Since 1957: Raymond Fielding inherited a house on Hill Top Road, where he raised teenagers for spider egg sacks material. (MAG008)

* In the mid-60s, in the middle of a winter: Agnes was send to Raymond Fielding’s house by The Lightless Flame. (MAG059, MAG139)

[* For the estimated date above: Ronald Sinclair was born in the late 40s and saw Agnes’s arrival before he turned 18; he lived for three years with Raymond Fielding, just managed to escape after Agnes broke the threads binding/puppeteering him. He gave his statement on November 29th 2005. (MAG059)]

* 4th of June 1972: Fiona Law took Nathaniel Thorp’s statement, and Elias “was a filing clerk at the time” – possible slip-up of Jonah who had trouble recalling which body/identity he was using at the time. (MAG029)

* 1973: James Wright becomes Head of the Institute. (MAG049)

* In 1974, a five-year-old named Henry White goes missing near Hill Top Road, is not found; the house burns down shortly after, and Raymond Fielding’s corpse is found, missing its right hand. (MAG008)

* Shortly after (since Gertrude was around 25 years old): Gertrude found “a tin box in the ashes of Hill Top Road” containing strands of Agnes’s hair and, thinking she was working on a counter-ritual, was manipulated by The Web into binding her existence with Agnes’s. (MAG145)

* 1991: Elias Bouchard began to work at the Institute, in Artefact Storage. (MAG049)

* 1991–1996: Eric managed to quit the Archives, before getting killed by Mary Keay a few months afterwards. He had crossed paths with Elias before he became Head of the Institute, and remembered Emma and Michael fondly; Gertrude was already suspecting (and had shared that information with at least Eric) that James Wright was spying on them through eyes. (MAG154)

* 1996: Elias Bouchard became Head of the Institute / Jonah Magnus body-hopped from James Wright to Elias Bouchard. (MAG049, MAG154, MAG158)

* 1999: Statements were leaked to the public, deteriorating the Institute’s reputation. (MAG068)

* 2003: Fiona Law died “from complications following a liver transplant” according to Jon’s follow-up. (MAG029)

* August 2003 and some time after: Paul McKenzie left his statement on August 24th 2003, and Sarah Carpenter was sent to investigate, took pictures of his house. (MAG027)

* Autumn 2006: Jack Barnabas went on a few dates with Agnes Montague, as described in a statement left on March 18th 2007. (MAG067)

* Mid-November 2006: Ivo Lensik reported the strange occurrences happening in a house on Hill Top Road, crossing paths with Father Edwin Burroughs. He left his statement on March 13th 2007. (MAG008)

* 23rd of November 2006: Agnes Montague and Jack Barnabas went on a final date; on an impulse, Ivo Lensik hit Hill Top Road’s tree, which started bleeding, and then proceeded to “destroy” it. He found a wooden box containing a green apple, which turned into spiders; Agnes made a phonecall about a “tree falling” and gathered members of the Lightless Flame in her flat in Sheffield, one of them bringing a container full of tiny spiders; Agnes told Jack goodbye, kissed him at his request, and was later found hanged in her flat, with a human hand tied by a chain to her waist. (MAG008, MAG067)

* 30th of November 2006: Eugene Vanderstock was sent on Arthur Nolan’s behalf to tell Gertrude about Agnes’s death. (MAG139)

* 2nd of September 2007: during one of Gertrude’s recordings, her assistant Michael is heard on tape. (MAG099)

* 3rd of July 2008: Mary Keay visited Gertrude in the Archives, left Eric’s page with Gertrude. (MAG062)

* 21st of July 2008: Gertrude invoked Eric’s page and had a conversation with him. Eric mentioned that Emma and Michael were “nice” to him when he was working in the Archives. (MAG154)

* June 2008: Gertrude fed the Vast-touched Jan Kilbride to the pit, stopping The Buried’s ritual. (MAG097, MAG126)

* October 2008: Gertrude, with Adelard’s help, stopped The Flesh’s ritual. (MAG130)

* 2nd of February 2009: Arthur Nolan was ~invited~ by Gertrude for a talk, and they discussed amongst other things Agnes’s death, Eugene’s report of it two years earlier, Gertrude’s protective ritual having been disrupted and things having gone badly for the trespasser. Gertrude told Arthur that she had never met Agnes. (MAG145)

* “in the middle of February” [2009]: Jason North discovered and disrupted Gertrude’s ritual hidden in a forest in Scotland, was cursed by The Desolation, left his statement on August 6th 2009. (MAG037)

* Early October 2009: Deborah Madaki reported having received an invitation to assist The-Worker-In-Clay in Sannikov Land. She left her statement on October 11th 2009 and said she had received the letter a week earlier. (MAG126)

* ??? in-between: Gertrude took Michael to Sannikov Land and used him to disrupt The Spiral’s ritual, making him fuse with The Distortion. (MAG101)

* By 2011: Gertrude had lost all her assistants – Leitner mentioned in February 2017 that he had met Gertrude “about six years ago, after she’d lost the last of her own assistants”. (MAG080)

* 14th of August 2013: Adelard Dekker sent a last message to Gertrude, informing her of his incoming death. (MAG157)

* Around 2013: Gertrude and Gerry began to work together, for two years until Gerry’s death. (MAG111)

-> Michael replaced Fiona. Since Eric had left before Elias became Head of the Institute and worked with Michael, it means that Fiona was imprisoned by the Coffin before 1996 – although she was reported dead in 2003 from complication following a liver transplant (MAG029).

Proposition: anyway she was a prisoner in the Coffin, so there was no body found, and the operation-thing was just a cover-up. Back then, seven years were necessary before a missing person was presumed dead; so she could have disappeared anytime, and the Institute/Elias finally decided on a cover-up years later, when it was safer, to clean the records. (+ given how Jon asked Elias directly in MAG029, it’s possible that Jon got the information about Fiona’s “death” from him, and he could have falsified/provided whatever).

-> … really really more bothering: the idea that Agnes and Gertrude met after Gertrude had fed Michael to The Spiral. Considering that the day of Agnes’s death was reported multiple times as being the 23rd of November 2006; that Michael-as-an-assistant was recorded in September 2007; that the Great Twisting happened after October 2009. So, when Agnes had been dead for three years.

Jonny’s allusions to it doesn’t feel like it was intentional, but rather that it was a genuine mistake, which ;; (What is the fun in trying to unravel some mysteries if some information is accidentally contradictory, aarrrrg…). If it were to be intentional, I would suggest that Agnes… actually managed to free herself from The Desolation by self-sacrificing for them (in the same way that Eric quit the Archives by blinding himself), and hid from them afterwards? Or that she was a fire ghost, or that Gertrude met with her at Hill Top Road, where we know from Ivo Lensik and Anya Vilette that time is weird (Anya experiencing time differently, Ivo meeting with a young Ray Fielding and catching a glimpse of Agnes as a kid)?

If the Great Twisting indeed happened circa late 2009-2011, and Gertrude met Agnes “in some manner or shape” afterwards, it would mean that her declaration to Arthur in February 2009 wasn’t a lie:

(MAG145) GERTRUDE: Well, for all The Web bound us together, I never actually met her. What was she like?

Since she would only meet Agnes after making that statement.

- SOBBING a lot about the concept of Gertrude and Agnes meeting, since:

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “The rage she felt was ice-cold. And so, Gertrude went to the one person she was certain she could trust on the matter. Agnes Montague and Gertrude Robinson only ever met once in their lives. Even if The Lightless Flame had allowed it, what would there have been to say? The bond between them, real as it was, was no one’s choice but The Web’s, and neither of them were keen to play its game any further than they had to. Their discussion was brief, and tinged with a melancholy, an awareness of mistakes, of their choices and duties and destinies. Neither of them smiled. But Agnes did confirm what Gertrude knew, and the details of Sarah’s suffering only sharpened that deep and wounded hatred.”

It’s so powerful and beautiful and sad? My shiiiiip…

- Speaking of fire ghosts: could the one mentioned in MAG100 actually be Emma…? (Since it didn’t match with the location of Agnes’s flat.)

- I really liked how this statement humanised Gertrude: season 2 had shown her more in control than Jon previously thought, aware of what was happening around her; season 3 cemented that she knew how to navigate and survive around the Fears, cruelly efficient (feeding Michael to The Spiral and then able to protect herself from him, being work-orientated in Gerry’s eyes…); season 4 had shown her in control, but also needing to think and discover things (learning that The Slaughter didn’t need to be one of her concerns in MAG137) and not immune to getting manipulated (The Web binding her to Agnes in MAG145). I like how this episode really conveyed that Gertrude… hadn’t grown out of thin air; that, yes, she impressively managed to survive for so long in that world (around fifty years!), but that what we heard from her… was mostly her last twenty years of life. She used to be young! To operate slightly differently! She made mistakes, and hardened herself, and even though she traded sentimentality for a form of “efficiency”, it wasn’t perfect, she made her choices and they had consequences:

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “Alongside this inherited survivor, Gertrude would add two more assistants: Eric Delano, and Emma Harvey. They were young, like her, keen to delve deeper into those strange secrets that back then were spoken of more openly. To them, Fiona seemed something of a joke; a middle-aged chatterbox who told stories of the Blitz and jumped at the long shadows in the corners of the Archives. Emma in particular was Gertrude’s confidante, the one whose knowledge and instincts she trusted, and the only other member of the Institute who ever knew of the strange bond between Gertrude and Agnes Montague. […] This time, Gertrude did have an inkling as to what was happening, but had her own escalating conflicts to concern herself with, and recognised the potential in a truly ignorant assistant. […] By this point, Gertrude was fully lost to her plots and plans and struggles, and as long as her assistants played their parts when asked, she paid them no more mind. […] And all through it, Gertrude could not see what was happening. And certainly the Spider smoothed things, elided questions, wiped away evidence, but it barely had to. Far better to feed Gertrude a steady string of plans to foil, and rituals to derail. […] And with that, Gertrude Robinson was without assistants. She never hired another. She worked with those that seemed useful until they were no longer so: Leitner; Dekker; Keay; even Salesa on occasion. But she never again allowed herself to trust.”

True, Gertrude worked as an Archivist wayyy longer that Jon; he probably would have worked differently over time too, experienced more losses, changed his mind about a few things over decades. But it’s interesting that Jon’s trajectory, right now, has been the reverse of Gertrude’s; where she decided to stop trusting, he…

(MAG117) ARCHIVIST: Still, it does sometimes make it hard to… fully trust them, I– [SIGH] You– you know what, no. I’m… I’m done with that. No more paranoia. It’s almost got me killed more than once, and… Georgie was right. If I am… slipping, then I need people I can trust. And I… I don’t think that can happen naturally for me an–anymore, so… I’m making a decision. I trust them. All of them.

(It wasn’t pitch-perfect trust: he dissimulated that he had been attacking people from Daisy&Basira&Melanie in season 4. He trusted Martin but ultimately decided that the news of Adelard being dead and acknowledging that he might have been wrong about The Extinction was a deal-breaker and that he needed to help/save Martin from Peter’s plans. But he also decided to save them at all costs: rescuing Daisy in the Coffin, sharing the information about how to cut oneself from the Archives to Basira and Melanie, allowing Melanie to escape, and saving Martin in The Lonely.)

- Aaaaand the answer to whether or not Martin was going to immediately tell Jon about Annabelle’s call seems to be… no. Since Jon used his powers to find out about it.

(MAG167) [CLICK–] [FOOTSTEPS] [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: Help us with what? MARTIN: ‘xcuse me? ARCHIVIST: Annabelle, help us with “what”? Our–our, our journey, killing Elias, vanishing the Entities – what? [FOOTSTEPS STOP] MARTIN: Please don’t do that. ARCHIVIST: Do what…? Oh! Oh. Right, I, I see, yes. [STATIC FADES] Well, I– … [FOOTSTEPS RESUME] Sorry.

But it was apparently still on Martin’s mind, so… even if she had told him things he already knew, it had been enough to make him insecure/ill-at-ease. And to not share with Jon. (Because he feared that Jon would panic over The Web and what Annabelle was doing, trying to second-guess and getting lost in interrogations? Confirmed by the way Jon erupted into questions as soon as he Knew about the exchange.)

- The fact Jon did another breach of privacy, while confirming that he had more control, felt very well-handled to me?

(MAG167) MARTIN: It doesn’t… feel great, having someone looking inside your head…! ARCHIVIST: You can… feel it? MARTIN: No, but that’s hardly the point– ARCHIVIST: Oh! MARTIN: –Jon… ARCHIVIST: No, I see. Sorry, hum… Alright…< MARTIN: I mean, I don’t want to keep secrets from you, but– ARCHIVIST: You should at least… be able to. MARTIN: Basically, yeah…! ARCHIVIST: I–I suppose that’s fair. […] MARTIN: You said you could control it now. ARCHIVIST: I can, I–I just… It… [INHALE] You’re absolutely right. I will refrain from knowing anything about you. MARTIN: Thank you. ARCHIVIST: Unless you’re in danger. MARTIN: Physical danger. If I’m in danger of being mad at you or something– ARCHIVIST: I… [SIGH] MARTIN: –you’ve got to figure it out the old-fashioned way. ARCHIVIST: Fine, agreed.

* “It doesn’t feel great having someone looking inside your head” => HI. REMINDER OF WHAT ELIAS DID TO HIM IN MAG118. It’s trigger-potential territory for him, so Martin honestly took it kind of well, considering his own experiences?

* Mmmm, setting up a situation where Martin will be in physical danger and Jon would have to use his powers to try to reach him again…?

* ! Jon messed up on his first instinctive preoccupation (whether his powers were hurting Martin and/or whether the subject could feel something when he did), but he quickly understood the nature of the problem – that Martin should have the freedom to choose to keep things for himself, that there is an imbalance, and that, plainly, it’s making Martin uncomfortable so, if Jon values Martin’s comfort, he should stop. I like how it felt like both of them worked on finding a consensus? Overall, I really liked how Martin managed to express his discomforts and when Jon’s powers were bothering/frightening him; he didn’t shame Jon for it, but didn’t fall in the trap of bottling up his feelings either. At the core of it, he still has the fear of losing Jon – so, it’s good that he was able to convey his discomfort.

(I feel like next step should be about Jon’s own discomfort about using Beholding powers to murder monsters, but I feel like they might be laying groundwork for this and for Martin to acknowledge that Jon… is still ill-at-ease with it and about his situation, and that clinging to his discomfort has also prevented him from going full-monster until now. We’ll see!)

- There is a discrepancy about Martin’s description of Annabelle’s call, and the call itself, and I’m not sure what to think about it:

(MAG166) MARTIN: Hello? ANNABELLE: Hello? Is that Martin? MARTIN: Don’t do that. ANNABELLE: What? No stomach for games? MARTIN: Well, your “games” aren’t exactly fun for everyone, are they? ANNABELLE: Very few games are…! MARTIN: [SIGH] Look, look, look, I’m talking to Annabelle Cane, right? ANNABELLE: You never gave me your name – so why should I offer mine? MARTIN: Just, what do you want? ANNABELLE: I want to help you, of course. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … No. Thank you. ANNABELLE: It’s a hard place to find yourself in, maybe I can be of some… assistance…! MARTIN: You can assist me by giving the… “creepy phone” thing a rest…! ANNABELLE: He is more powerful here than he’s ever been, isn’t he? [PAUSE] And you’re not sure what that means for you. MARTIN: [INHALE] I’m hanging up now. ANNABELLE: Does he even need you at all? MARTIN: Bye! [BEEP]

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … So. What did Annabelle say? MARTIN: She offered to help, but she didn’t say what with; she… asked us where we were going. I didn’t tell her, but… [SNORT] it was pretty obvious she had a good idea. ARCHIVIST: Did you… feel like she was… influencing your mind at all? MARTIN: I don’t think so, but I mean… who knows? ARCHIVIST: I could. MARTIN: But look. She didn’t control me into asking you not to look into my head, if that’s what you’re thinking. That’s all me. ARCHIVIST: Martin, I’m not… looking for a l–loophole. MARTIN: Well, good! ‘cause this isn’t one.

Jon had already uncovered the bit about Annabelle offering her “help”; but after that… on the one hand, Annabelle didn’t ask about their destination at all (contrary to what Martin said); and on the other hand, she needled Martin about Jon’s powers and whether or not Jon needed him (which Martin didn’t mention at all).

It could be faulty memory – that Martin got the impression she was probing about their destination, and that it became part of the exchange for him. It could be to test whether Jon was still using his powers (he wasn’t, we didn’t hear static, but Martin couldn’t have known). It could be a deliberate lie.

Personally, I would lean towards the interpretation that Martin was indeed checking whether Jon was still using his powers (it’s not a damaging lie: Annabelle knew when and where to contact him, so they’re quite clearly monitored already and Annabelle probably does know where they’re heading to and why); and didn’t mention the other part of his exchange with Annabelle because… he managed to get his answers in his own ways, without having to “involve” The Web in his discussion with Jon. If Martin had mentioned that Annabelle had asked him whether Jon needed him, would Jon have answered this easily that Martin was his reason? Or would Jon have panicked, thinking The Web might be manipulating him into saying it?

- Anyway, I feel like this episode might have been exactly what Annabelle was trying to instigate last time, which is… to get Jon&Martin to talk about their feelings, and for Martin to get a reassurance from Jon that he wasn’t managing to ask for, and that Jon had trouble wording without being pushed by the context.

(MAG167) MARTIN: [INHALE] [SNORT] Ssso. If you say Gertrude wouldn’t have been able to go on without a reason… ARCHIVIST: Yes, Martin, you are my reason. MARTIN: Just wanted to make you say it…! ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] MARTIN: Cool.

Not sure that it was what Annabelle was aiming for, but it’s a possibility: that she needed Martin to be reassured before they would reach The Lonely’s domain or something, because she wants them to get through.

(I loved Jon’s tone! I pictured him rolling his eyes because there was no way to say it without sounding too sappy to his own ears =D)

- Jon The Theatre Kid confirmed.

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: … Methinks the Spider doth protest too much…! [BAG JOSTLING] MARTIN: Jon. ARCHIVIST: Joking! Just joking.

(Fun fact: in the play, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks” is pronounced… by Queen Gertrude. Jon, please.)

(It’s a joke, and a bit of truth and self-derision at the same time: how The Web… made Jon second-guess everything. When The Web tells you to go into X direction, is it reverse-psychology? Reverse-reverse psychology? So Martin denying being under influence could just be the proof of influence, or genuine. No way to know! But Jon has made the choice to trust him.)

- I felt like Martin was still… touched-by-Beholding in this one, mainly because of his probing, but also learning to keep his own curiosity/questions in check to not fall into the Fears’ influence?

(MAG167) MARTIN: [DEEP INHALE] Why did it have to be us? ARCHIVIST: You’d rather be a bystander? Trapped in… one of those places? MARTIN: I don’t know. “No”…? I just… [INHALE] I bet Gertrude would be able to do this, you know? She, she would eat a hellscape like this for breakfast…! [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: I… don’t think she would have done very well here… MARTIN: No? ARCHIVIST: No… MARTIN: Do you… know that…? [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: [DEEP INHALE] “To say that Gertrude Robinson never had a friend would not be true. […]” MARTIN: Well, let’s… try to avoid that next time…! ARCHIVIST: … Yes. Quite. MARTIN: [EXHALE] So, what? Without assistants, she’d be bad at the apocalypse? [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] ARCHIVIST: Wi–without… trust, without a, a reason… Gertrude needed both the purpose her mission gave her, and the control her position allowed. To be here, like us, without a, [INHALE] a reason, without someone to ground her, she… She’d have power but… no control. No real… purpose. Perhaps she’d dedicate herself to a, a doomed quest like us, but– … [QUIET] No… I think this would have broken her. And she’d have resigned herself to… ruling her domain. MARTIN: What domain? [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] ARCHIVIST: We all have a domain here, Martin. The place that feeds us. MARTIN: Oh. [PAUSE] Where’s yours? ARCHIVIST: [MIRTHLESS CHUCKLE] I mean, we’re… traveling towards it. MARTIN: Oh! Right, obviously. [CHUCKLING] Duh. Hum… What about me? ARCHIVIST: … Would you… like me to… ? MARTIN: No, no. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. ARCHIVIST: … Okay!

* I felt like there really was a progression from Martin, from asking and asking (and accidentally making Jon spill about Gertrude’s life) to… refraining himself and choosing that he would rather not know about things that are not impacting him right now.

* ;; So, Martin has a “domain”, “the place that feeds us”. I’m… not sure about what Jon meant by “us”: monsters and avatars? That would be acknowledging that Martin indeed is regarded as one after his involvement with The Lonely? Or is it about everyone, and the places are “feeding” people through their own fears? After all, they don’t need to drink or eat or sleep – what is sustaining them? Are the Fears “feeding” them in turn through the pain they cause to each other, following the “feed it or it will feed from you” that Jude had told Jon?

* If Martin has a domain… Where? Hill Top Road? The Panopticon?

(MAG158) PETER: It’s a significant site of power for The Beholding. From the tower in the centre of this room, you can see everything. MARTIN: But there’s nothing in the cells…! PETER: [CHUCKLING] I don’t mean the cells, Martin – I mean everything. […] I want to use the powers of this place to learn about The Extinction: what it’s doing, where it’s manifesting. Then we can stop it. MARTIN: And you need me for this? PETER: Correct! Without a connection to The Eye, any attempt to use it would likely end… very messily indeed! But thankfully, it just so happens that you hold such a connection. MARTIN: So that’s it… Both “lonely” and “watching”. PETER: You must admit you’re the perfect candidate. MARTIN: I suppose I am.

“Both Lonely and Watching”, so…

* I really loved how that episode made it clear that… right now, Gertrude wouldn’t have been able to do what Jon & Martin are doing. That Gertrude was good at some things, bad at others. That there are things that only Jon&Martin can do, that they don’t have to live in her shadow. It follows what Jon said at the end of MAG162, that Gertrude didn’t think there would be a way to reverse the apocalypse – but also that they’re not her, and will try to find one themselves.

(* I’M WORRIED, THOUGH, THAT JON SAID THEY WERE ON A “DOOMED QUEST”? NOT VERY OPTIMISTIC ARE WE ;;)

- Gertrude might have crumbled if she had been plunged into the apocalypse, and Jon&Martin aren’t since they have each other… So there was this part of relief, of removing one’s guilt a bit about not being “enough”, that we also found with what happened this episode:

(MAG163) MARTIN: Jon… ARCHIVIST: They sit here – [STATIC RISES] the image of everyone they hold dear locked in their mind, knowing they’ll never see them again. Waiting for the order; dreading the bullet or the drone or the barbed wire that will tear them to shreds and leave them nothing but a bloody– [STATIC REACHING A PEAK] MARTIN: J–Jon, enough! Enough! [STATIC FADES] … Please don’t tell me these things.

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: I… don’t think she would have done very well here… MARTIN: No? ARCHIVIST: No… MARTIN: Do you… know that…? [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: [DEEP INHALE] “To say that Gertrude Robinson never had a friend would not be true. […] . But she never again allowed herself to trust.” [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] [STATIC] ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] I, I–I’m sorry, I–I didn’t, hum… MARTIN: No! No, it’s, uh… I–it’s okay. [COUGH] I just… I couldn’t… not listen, or interrupt, or… ARCHIVIST: I–I–I promise I–I didn’t know I was going to do that…! MARTIN: I, I understand…!

Back in MAG163, Martin had managed to interrupt Jon, which was not the case this time around – probably because he didn’t recognise what was happening as a statement soon enough? But since Martin was “trapped” in the flow of the story… it’s also confirming something that wasn’t addressed, but could have been a cause of guilt on Martin’s side: the thought that perhaps, if he had been there in MAG160, he could have stopped Jon from reading Jonah’s letter. If this episode was any indication, no, he wouldn’t have been able to. His not being there didn’t change anything.

- Reaaaally curious because the way Martin described it reminds me of Jonathan Fanshawe in front of Albrecht:

(MAG127, Jonathan Fanshawe) “Again he ignored me. Instead, he took the seat opposite me, and started to tell me… a story. And then another. And another. A stream of… strange tales began to pour out of him, and I just sat there, transfixed, [STATIC] desperately wishing I had the strength of will to stand and leave, but all I could do… was listen. […] He told me so many terrible things. [STATIC FADES] And at the end of it all, the only thing I could think to ask him… was where he read them. […] [STATIC] ‘You do not understand,’ he said to me in German. ‘I do not read the books. They read me.’ [STATIC FADES]”

Was Albrecht Jonah’s first attempt at creating an Archivist…?

- I’m still wondering WHO is narrating in Jon’s statements this season… a few “you” and “I”:

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: [DEEP INHALE] “To say that Gertrude Robinson never had a friend would not be true. She was close in her way to many people but, looking back, [STATIC FADES] I wonder if she ever realised just how strongly she herself reeked of The Lonely.”

Is it Jon-as-an-omniscient-entity-that-might-be-The-Archivist/Archives? Is it something else…?

- I feel like this episode also brought an interesting contrast to season 4 overall. On the one hand, we had Jon admitting that Martin was his “reason” (anchor?) to not crumble, to keep moving forwards as long as they’re together; that’s… a healthier approach than Jon being Martin’s “reason” in season 4:

(MAG158) MARTIN: I… When I first came to you, I thought I had lost everything. Jon was dead, my mother was dead, the job I had put everything into had trapped me into spreading evil, and I… I really didn’t care what happened to me. I told myself I was trying to protect the others, but honestly? We didn’t even like each other. Maybe I just thought joining up with you would be a good way to get killed. And then… [SHAKILY] Jon came back, and… and suddenly, I had a reason: I had to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control, so you didn’t take it out on him. And if that meant drifting further away… so what? I’d already grieved for him, and if it meant now saving him, it was worth it!

… where Jon was Martin’s “reason” to push forwards into sacrificing more bits of himself. (A shift might have happened with Jon making Martin see him in MAG159, but I wonder if we’ll go back to Jon-as-Martin’s-reason too, and whether Martin has changed his opinion about it. In what aspect is Jon “Martin’s reason”, nowadays?)

The other contrast is about Jon’s self-destructiveness – I’ve seen a lot of discussion about it, but I didn’t really feel like the end of episode was tense, or horrible for Jon, or that Martin was being insensitive by twisting the knife in a wound?

(MAG167) MARTIN: Oh, ju–, uh, just, uh… Before we do. ARCHIVIST: Mm? MARTIN: A moment ago, when you were talking. ARCHIVIST: Right. MARTIN: The old Archivist, Angus. ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] MARTIN: You said Fiona was… “released”– ARCHIVIST: [EXHALE] MARTIN: –when he died. ARCHIVIST: … Yes. MARTIN: If you had died… ARCHIVIST: [FAINT EXHALE] MARTIN: … Would the others have been able to quit? ARCHIVIST: … Yes. [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] I didn’t know. MARTIN: If you had… would you have told them? Would that have, have changed what happened? ARCHIVIST: … [SIGH] I don’t know, Martin. I… [PAUSE] I don’t know. [BAG JOSTLING] [FOOTSTEPS] [CLICK.]

… I actually felt like it was Progress regarding Jon, and how he valued his own life.

First of: there is a possibility that Jon didn’t want to answer Martin because he knew, was convinced, 100% sure that he would have killed himself to free the others, with or without telling them first. But I find it interesting to think that Jon answered genuinely, that no, he truly doesn’t know if he would have! That he’s slowly admitting to himself… that no, he doesn’t, and has never wanted to die, even when he was ready to take risks, harm himself, endanger his life:

(MAG159) ARCHIVIST: Listen – I know you think you want to be here, I know you think it’s safer and w– … well, maybe it is… But we need you. I need you. MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] No, you don’t. Not really…! Everyone’s alone, but we all survive. ARCHIVIST: I don’t just want to survive! MARTIN: [DISTANT, VOICE ECHOING] I’m sorry. ARCHIVIST: Martin… Martin, look at me. Look at me, and tell me what you see.

I still feel like Jon has always clung to the hope that he could make it out somehow, and the end of season 4 had him… acknowledge that he didn’t just want to “survive” – that is, he wants to “live”. He wants some quality of life. He wants something out of living.

But more importantly: season 5 began with a string of interrogations of hypothetic scenarii. What would have happened, if Sasha had been chosen as the Archivist? What would have happened, if they had listened to Gertrude’s testament at the beginning? Here, Jon was able to tell that one of the “what if” scenarii (Gertrude being thrown into the apocalypse) wouldn’t have been better; so him also admitting that he didn’t know whether he would have told the others… might be saying that no. He can’t know. It didn’t happen, since he didn’t know. And if he had known, maybe it wouldn’t have changed a thing; maybe it would have made things worse, too. I feel like it’s more optimistic than “I regret that I didn’t know, because then, I would have done it in a heartbeat”? So, I don’t know, but I felt like Martin’s probing was a way to try to get Jon to acknowledge that… maybe Jon telling the others would have changed things, maybe it wouldn’t have; but mostly, things wouldn’t have been necessarily better if Jon had chosen to sacrifice himself.

(I’m not convinced that Jon would have done it, and I’m not convinced that the others would have tried to kill him (even Tim!), and I’m not convinced that it would have made things better for everyone – by the time there were tensions, Tim probably wouldn’t have wanted to feel like a murderer when he had just been accused of being one, and would still want a shot at revenge for his brother; Melanie was already curious about the ghosts and was already infected by The Slaughter when enrolled; Martin didn’t have many other options for a job and wouldn’t have had a reason to not fall into The Lonely with Peter’s guidance; Daisy would have still been under The Hunt’s influence, and Basira involved with her.)

MAG168’s title is MMM again. I really love how last titles make a lot of sense in retrospect but were so hard when trying to guess! It feels like a lore-heavy one, but probably not twice in a row? But if it’s the case, it could relate to the Institute, to Jon, to Jonah, to Martin.

Fears-wise: could be The End (it has… a connection); I’m obviously thinking about Hill Top Road/Albrecht’s end again, so could be Web-y…

#the magnus archives #tma season 5 #mag167 #tma liveblog #long post/#tma spoilers/

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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surveys by lets-make-surveys 1 - What did you do to celebrate your last birthday? Did you get any decent gifts? Guh I honestly barely want to recognize my birthday this year because 2020 has been a huge waste of my time...but fine, I guess I’m 22. It had been during the peak of the quarantine/pandemic, so we had no choice but to stay home. I just played the Switch all morning, then I think I watched my dad play video games, and then Angela and Hans sent over a box of sushi to our place. Real chill day.

2 - What was the last “random act of kindness” you experienced? It was my first day at the office today and I had to go up and down the stairs several times to bring packages to delivery riders, since I had to send those out to certain people. A member of the maintenance staff in the area was super nice and offered to carry some of the boxes for me, since he saw how much I was struggling with the boxes.

3 - Have you ever “paid it forward” by putting money behind the counter somewhere so the next person can get a free coffee or similar? Not yet. I’d love to be able to do that soon.

4 - What caused the last injury that made you bleed? Was it a serious injury? I was trying to open a bottle of soju last night but the cap just would not budge. Next thing I knew my finger was already bleeding. Never got to drink my soju :(

5 - Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Are you close to that person at all? One of the delivery riders who took my package earlier. Bless his soul, he was very new to the delivering thing and I think I was his first-ever customer, and he kept asking for my help. I did my best for a while but eventually I had to tell him I genuinely did not know how to answer some of his questions as I wasn’t a driver myself.

6 - What was the last item you received in the mail? Something I had ordered online. It was the gift I’m planning to give my grandma for Christmas.

7 - When was the last time you received flowers? What kind were they? A year ago, I think. It was a single stem of a rose. We were saving up last year hahaha so I had gotten her a single stem as well.

8 - Are you a fan of salted caramel? What about other “odd” combinations like sea salt and chocolate or chilli and chocolate? Ooh, I didn’t know salted caramel was considered odd; it’s a pretty common flavor here and has even gotten more popular in the last few years. I like it as a flavor in desserts, like cupcakes with salted caramel frosting. When it comes to food, I’m generally open-minded and will try any combination that exists at least once; that said, chili and chocolate sound especially intriguing haha. I’ve only ever tried chili ice cream, which was delicious.

9 - Do you enjoy watching bloopers or outtakes from TV shows? If so, which series do you think has the funniest ones? Yes. Bloopers in general are great but it’s best when they come from shows that have a reputation for being more drama-heavy and serious - that said, Breaking Bad bloopers are the fucking best. ‘Bloopers’ from animated movies are hilarious too; they were always made so well too that as a kid, I legit thought the characters were actual actors as it never crossed my mind that animators would take the extra effort and time to make bloopers out of fictional characters and that they had to be real actors in some way lol.

10 - What’s your favourite dessert food? OMG macarons for the win. I’ve been craving them so much. Cheesecake is great too, and also cupcakes.

11 - Do you have any really dangerous wild animals where you live? Have you ever encountered any of them? Nope only stray dogs and cats, and probably some chickens somewhere.

12 - Have you ever dreamed of owning your own shop? What kind of thing would you like to sell? I’ve never dreamed of this; it’s never been a goal of mine and running a business doesn’t sound like my kind of thing.

13 - Are you a twin? If not, would you ever want to be a twin? If you are a twin, do you ever wish you weren’t? No. I’ve never really found myself wishing for it, either.

14 - Do you prefer wearing your hair straight or curly? Maybe just a little wavy. Definitely not in the extreme of either side of the spectrum.

15 - Would you ever want to go and visit the moon? If I had the chance and everything was paid for and stuff, hell yeah. It’d be cool to get to cross out one of my childhood bucket list items.

16 - What was the last hot drink you had? What about cold drink? Or alcoholic drink? My last hot drink was...probably the coffee I asked my mom to make last Friday, but I did wait it out until it was considerably cooler as I didn’t want to drink it hot. My last cold drink is the iced caramel macchiato I ordered tonight and still have with me at the moment. Then for alcoholic drink, I had soju mixed with Yakult about two weeks ago.

17 - Does anything on your body hurt or ache right now? My lower back, unsurprisingly. I also cut my right middle finger trying to open a soju bottle last week, andddd I gained a blister on my right foot today because of the shoes I picked to wear for work.

18 - When was the last time you struggled to get to sleep? Was there was a specific reason for that? I can’t remember exactly when, but it happened within the last week or the last two weeks. Sometimes I just drink too much coffee during the day that it affects how sleepy I’d ultimately feel at night.

19 - What three countries would you most like to visit? Morocco, India, and Thailand.

20 - Who’s your closest friend from another country? How did you come to meet this person? I don’t really have one anymore...I’ve grown apart from my internet friends from different countries a long time ago, and I also don’t tend to keep up friendships with my friends who’ve since migrated from the Philippines to another country. I suppose the one I’m on best terms with is Angel who migrated to Toronto around a decade ago; but I use ‘best’ very loosely as the most we do is comment on one another’s posts whenever we reach like a life accomplishment, like when we graduated college.

21 - When was the last time you had a cold? With everything going on in the news, did you worry that it was COVID? It’s been a while. I can’t remember; it was definitely pre-Covid.

22 - As of today (10th December, 2020) the COVID vaccine is being rolled out in the UK. Are you going to have it once it’s available to you (if it ever is)? A part of me is a little concerned because I know vaccines take years and sometimes even decades to be fully developed, but that doesn’t mean I don’t trust doctors and science. I very much do, of course. It’s just that I’d personally prefer to wait it out first to see if it’ll have any negative effects once rolled out on a massive scale.

23 - What are your favourite websites to browse when you’re bored? Wikipedia black holes are the way to go.

24 - Do you think people should have to pass a test in order to own pets? A local animal welfare NGO already does that; Nina had to go through several tests before she was allowed to adopt Arlee. There was a verbal interview, a written form she had to fill out, and a representative from the organization even visited our house to see if it was a suitable environment for Arlee; I’m sure there was a few more steps she was required to undergo. I certainly think it’s a good and responsible process.

25 - When was the last time you fell asleep/had a nap during the day? Is this something that happens often? It’s been monthssssssssss. I don’t really take naps during the day anymore.

26 - Do you suffer/have you ever suffered with bad acne? What kind of things did you do to try and improve it? I’ve never had issues with acne and was always rather fortunate when it comes to my skin. I’ll have a pimple or two show up once or twice a year, but they go away within a week or so. Since I don’t want to jinx it, I just wash my face with water and I’ve never experimented with any skincare products ever.

27 - When you think about it, do you think it’s odd that we stop drinking human milk at a young age, but we happily drink milk from other species instead? Not really.

28 - How’s the weather where you are? Is this a good or a bad thing for you? These days it’s humid and hot during the day (as always), but now that it’s Christmas season the weather tends to plunge to like 24-26C during nighttime. I’d say the night part is good for me as I prefer being cold than hot, so I’m glad we’ll be having this weather until March at most.

29 - When was the last time you ate a pizza? What toppings did you get? Tuesday. Relatives came over then and my cousin got us pizzas. I don’t remember what toppings he got but both pizzas had stuffed crust in it.

30 - How often do you wear make-up? What kind of make-up do you wear? Wow, almost never. Gab used to put makeup on me but now that she’s gone, I don’t really see myself wearing makeup for the meantime as I definitely wouldn’t apply them onto myself.

1 - If you have caffeine late in the day, does it cause you to struggle with your sleep? Eh, sometimes. Sometimes it’ll do what it’s supposed to and make me stay up for a while, but other times it doesn’t work and I’ll end up getting sleepy the same time I usually start feeling so.

2 - When you struggle to sleep, what do you do instead? Watching videos has eternally worked for me.

3 - Who was the last person you spoke to for the first time? How did you come to speak to this person? Hmm I met my co-workers Ysa and Bea for the first time today, if it counts. I’ve only ever talked to them through Viber since we’re on a WFH set-up, but we had to go to the office today to fix up some boxes that we needed to get delivered. But the last person that I really hadn’t met nor spoken to before was Jhomar, the company messenger who takes care of pickups for the day.

4 - If you have a pet, have they ever embarrassed you in public or in front of friends or family members? What happened? Kimi is typically unfriendly towards strangers, so as cute and cuddly as he looks he would probably bite your finger off. I’ve had to explain that to guests who’ve felt puzzled about his demeanor. He’s my little baby though and I wouldn’t say he’s embarrassed me because of it. Cooper on the other hand is hyper-friendly to the point that he looks aggressive and it has scared some people away; in reality, he’s always SO pumped to meet anyone and everyone and can never contain his excitement haha. He’s literally the nicest dog.

5 - Do you leave the house every single day? I never leave the house, except if it’s to withdraw cash or go to the Starbucks drive through to pick up a coffee.

6 - Would you rather spend the day at the beach, or a day in the snow in the mountains? I would normally pick beach, but I think the mountains would be best for me at the moment.

7 - Do you prefer tops that are plain, or ones with patterns/logos/slogans? Plain.

8 - Are there any TV shows from your childhood that you still watch today? I’ll watch Spongebob every now and then. When I’m bored and have enough time on my hands I’ll sometimes watch other shows from my childhood just for that nostalgia wave, like Barney or Hannah Montana.

9 - How many texts would you say you send on an average day? Used to be hundreds, but now it’s probably like...5, on average. Sometimes I’ll need to text media for work and that’ll come up to around 15-20 texts but that happens only occasionally, like once every two weeks.

10 - Do you enjoy buying gifts for other people, or do you never know what to buy them? I never know what to buy for people. I like buying gifts for a significant other, though. I tend to spoil one to no end.

11 - Girls - if you get periods, do you suffer from period pain or any other horrible symptoms? I get the hormonal symptoms, but the physical symptoms are almost never there. My stomach will usually contract in a way that tells me it’s coming soon, but it never really aches. Most of the time, I just cry and mope a lot and that’s how I know it’s on its way, ha.

12 - The last time you were in a car, where you were travelling to? Were you the driver or a passenger? I was headed back home. but I came from the office. I was the driver as always.

13 - Who were you with the last time you went out for a meal? I took myself out on a date.

14 - What book do you wish they’d make into a film or TV series? The Septimus fucking Heap series, please. They’ve been trying to get it made into a movie series for years but as far as I know the talks have always fallen through.

15 - The age old question - do you prefer coke or pepsi? That’s a big ‘or’ for me. I don’t drink soda.

16 - What’s the last thing you watched on TV? Is this a programme you watch regularly? Bea took over the office TV earlier and she had it set to a BTS + Taylor Swift music video playlist so that we had background music while working. No, neither are my artists of choice, really.

17 - Do you have a favourite documentary subject (eg. nature, celebrities, history, crime)? Pro wrestling (a seriously underrated documentary subject) and crime. Documentaries on anthropological issues or discoveries are great as well. I do love history, but I prefer to absorb it in text/museum form.

18 - Do you prefer sweet or savoury snacks? What snack would you say is your overall favourite? Savoryyy. I get tired of sweet snacks pretty quickly. My current favorites to munch on are any salted egg flavored chips.

19 - Does having to wear a mask stop you from doing anything, just because you dislike them or find them uncomfortable? It can be harder to breathe and I get exhausted a lot faster with a mask on, but I keep it on because I would want to keep other people safe and because it’s so easy to keep a damn mask on.

20 - Do you prefer zip-up or overheard hoodies? Either is fine.

21 - If you have a yard or garden, how much time do you spend out there? I prefer the rooftop, and if I do go there I usually stay for a few hours during the evening just to have some time to myself. Being in a house with four adults can get pretty overwhelming and taxing sometimes.

22 - When was the last time someone bought you flowers? What was the occasion? I think it was for Valentine’s Day last year. If not, it was for the anniversary which was a week after Valentine’s Day.

23 - How often do you get takeaway? What’s your favourite thing to order? I don’t really do takeout. I usually dine-in or have food delivered to my place.

24 - Do you own a lot of clothing items in your favourite colour? What is your favourite colour, anyway? I don’t have a lot of clothes in pink. It’s not my best color, but I like it in everything else hahaha.

25 - When was the last time you stayed overnight away from home? Was this with friends, family or in a hotel somewhere? What was the occasion? Idk probably a sleepover at Gab’s place early this year.

26 - Would you ever be interested in seeing a live magic show? Sure. Magic shows are already a staple at kids’ birthday parties here, and I’ve always enjoyed them especially since magicians are quite the comedians too.

27 - What’s your favourite period to learn about in history? What got you interested in this particular era? I don’t have a favorite period per se but I’ve always had an affinity for the royalty. I like reading all about them, no matter what period they reigned or what house/country they’re from. Historians have kept impressive and super detailed accounts or records for most of them, so reading about their lives has also allowed me to learn more about the culture they lived through.

28 - Do you still use or carry cash, or do you pay for everything via card? I heavily rely on cash and I actually realized how behind I am just today, when Bea ordered lunch for the office. I paid her with cash and she looked at me all puzzled and was like, “Can you do bank transfer instead?” another big girl stuff I had to learn lol. Everyone in college used cash pls forgive me

29 - Are there any TV shows that remind you of your grandparents for some reason? Not really.

30 - Have you ever had to wear a tie for school or work? If not, do you know how to tie a tie without looking it up? I had a necktie as part of my uniform in my old school. I never knew how to tie it and always asked someone else to do it for me whenever it came loose.

#survey #surveys #multiple surveys

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dearlazerbunny · 5 years ago

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Lie to Me (Ch. 10 of ?)

Pairings: Loki x Reader

Genre/Ratings: M eventually (aiming for a slow burn here); warnings for kidnapping and subsequent anxiety/PTSD (will be marked before every chapter)

Words: 2800

Summary: If you had to guess what the captured, traitor, trickster god Loki Laufeyson wanted or needed at this moment, a babysitter would be far, far down on the list. (Set after the events of Avengers 1.)

SHOUTOUT TO @molmcb and @jessiejunebug for their constant loveliness

Requested Tags: @deraniel @iamverity @yasnooshka24@wegingerangelica@themusingsofmany @dark-night-sky-99 @tarynkauai@stuffandstuff-stuffand the total sweetie @angelicshinigami @my-current-fandom-is @geekysimmerthings

WARNING: I have an extremely basic white girl taste in music. Rather than actual classics, I decided to stick with what I know, because I personally think it’s funnier to imagine Loki reacting to Kesha than the Beatles. Please do not scream at me for my horrible taste in music. I know it’s mainstream. But also you can pry my all consuming love for TSwift out of my cold, dead hands, okay thank you for coming to my TEDTalk

Something you’ve come to like about Loki is that he can appreciate silence.

Everyone seems to think that two people sitting quietly has to be awkward; something to avoid- but really, there’s nothing better than being in a room with someone, each doing their own thing, but enjoying the other person’s presence nonetheless. It’s a kind of comfortable that only comes with a severe amount of trust in the soul sitting across from you. Trust that you aren’t simply something to entertain them, or a mouth to keep them occupied- they like you even if all they’re doing is watching your eyebrows quirk as you read a particularly fascinating novel.

Sure, most of your visits are still full of back-and-forth bickering that could rival a fifties sitcom- you never seem to run out of things to talk about- but some days, when he can tell you’ve had a row you’d really rather not discuss, or you know he’s simply not in the headspace to chat, the two of you will simply sit and be. You’ll page through a book or scribble down some thoughts on your notepad while he laces and unlaced his long fingers into intricate patterns, content to sift through his thoughts.

Though you do mark down a note to talk to someone about getting him a few books. He’s got to be bored in there.

To your surprise, these quiet days quickly become your favorites because as much as you love his twisted sense of sarcasm, you like his singing voice more.

Sometimes, Loki will hum.

It’s always very quiet, under his breath, and most of the time you think he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. But every so often you’ll pause from whatever you’re doing to listen to the faint melodies coming from his cell. It’s never anything you’ve heard before, and the music is hopeful and happy and tragic and uplifting all at once, the kind of thing that makes you want to smile and cry at the same time. They must be from Asgard, because you doubt any music from Earth could ever sound like this.

You never mention it, though. You’re afraid if you call attention to it, he’ll stop, and the songs seem to give him a small bit of joy in his lonely bubble of isolation. You’d never want to take that away from him.

Today, rather than reading, you’ve got your arms curled up underneath your head and are fighting (and mostly failing) to keep your eyes open. You got caught up on a project last night and didn’t even realize what time it was until he sun was peeking through your curtains, leaving you to chug several cups of coffee and hope for the best.

But Loki is humming and the music is making you drowsy and warm which is not a great combination for wanting to stay awake. For his part, he doesn’t tease you about very obviously falling asleep on your desk, which you appreciate- you’re pretty sure any comebacks thought up right now would be incredibly lame

“ ‘S pretty,” you mumble, trying to blink the blurriness out of your eyes. Ugh. You hate all-nighters.

“Pardon?”

“You have a pretty voice.”

He doesn’t respond for a minute- though that might have been because you fell asleep for a second- but eventually he just chuckles briefly. “Thank you, I suppose. It does tend to be part of my appeal.”

“Your singing voice, stupid. It’s pretty.” A yawn nearly splits your face in half, and you blink at him blearily.

“When have you ever heard me sing?”

“Well you hum. Same thing. ‘S nice. Never heard it before.”

“I see.” He lapses into silence, and you frown.

“Well don’t stop.”

“I- I am not sure I even know what I was humming.”

You grumble, frustrated. “It was like-” you lilt into a vague approximation of one of his songs, the one that makes you think of a sunflower field on a misty day. “Like that. Kind of.”

Now he properly laughs. “I apologize, I don’t believe I can recreate… whatever it is you just pulled out of your sleep-addled brain.”

“Never said I was a singer.” Another yawn. “Sing something else then.”

“The Witling is quite pushy when exhausted,” he says amused. “Noted.”

“Shu’ up.” With a huff, your head is back in the crook of your elbow. “Why do I even like you.”

“For lullabies, apparently.”

You don’t quite catch that bit, as the drowsiness has finally caught up with you- your eyes close, you curl yourself into a more comfortable position. Loki stares at you, somewhat amazed that you feel comfortable enough to be so vulnerable with him in the room. You look peaceful, content- something warm sparks in him. “It was something my mother sang me, when I was young,” he admits, when he knows for sure you can’t hear. “I seem to recall it chased away nightmares quite effectively.”

But he does start up his lullaby again. It pulls on the homesickness in his chest, but it also makes you smile softly in your sleep.

You dream of sunflowers.

XXX

“Okay, since I basically forced you to culture me on Asgardian music-”

“I believe you underestimate your incredibly rude demands.”

“I- I was half asleep! I wasn’t trying to on purpose-” you stop when Loki grins, making it obvious that he’s only teasing you. You huff. “Whatever. You suck. Don’t interrupt. Since I basically forced you to culture me on Asgardian music-” you pull out your phone and plunk it on the table. “I’m going to culture you in some Midgardian music.”

“I… see…”

“Don’t look so terrified, I’m not going to subject you to screamo headbangers or anything.” Loki gives you a look, the one that says what on Midgard are you talking about, you strange mortal. “I’m going to start you off with the classics.”

“Be still my beating heart.”

“I know, you should be grateful. My taste in music is the epitome of class and excellence.”

“…of course.”

You pull your phone out of your pocket and flick through your playlists, wondering what to dive into first. “Are you feeling something upbeat or angsty?”

Loki snorts, which is hilariously undignified for him. “I defer to your judgement.”

“A wise choice.” After a few flicks of the screen, you turn your volume up to full blast and sit back to listen.

“I got too many people… got left to prove wrong…”

Serene acoustic guitar washes through the room, and you drum your fingers on your thigh in time to Kesha’s voice. “Don’t let the bastards get you down…”

Loki raises an eyebrow. “Is this your way of attempting to be inspirational?”

You grin at him. “I thought it’d be uplifting.” “Been underestimated… my entire life…”

Once that song is over, you scroll a bit and click to a more techno, pop-y sounding beat. “I knew you were trouble when you walked in…” Again, he stares at you from behind the glass. “What? It’s a great song! One of her best!”

He wrinkles his nose. “Beyond the obvious message…. I do not believe I’m a fan.”

“Hm. Your loss. Honestly I’m disappointed I didn’t name you Trouble instead of Trickster, this would be a perfect theme song for you.” At his death glare, you hold your hands up, giggling. “Okay, okay! Next one…”

You roll through a couple of P!nk’s newer works, guessing he might appreciate the poetic lyrics, and then just because you want to you throw in a couple K-Pop groups, and then asked him for translations on the songs you’ve never bothered to google. “And this is currently the quintessential Midgardian music experience.” The first few strains of the goddamn song nobody can get out of their heads, Let it Go, begins to play. “It’s from a musical called Frozen, based on the old fairytale The Snow Queen.” You wiggle your eyebrows at him suggestively. “Magical ice powers, frozen hearts. The whole shebang.”

His eye rolls are really something spectacular. “Fascinating.”

“I just thought you’d appreciate the theme!”

He tilts his head. “Am I missing a joke, Witling?”

You grin at him. “You know, being a frost giant and all. I thought you could really, I dunno, empathize?”

Loki- well, Loki does something, something you can’t quite describe other than a complete and systematic mass shutdown. It’s like his very soul suddenly ascends and leaves behind a body that can do nothing but breathe and blink. His eyes go opaque, and even the casual tapping and twitching of his fingers stutters and then stills. He practically disappears in front of your very eyes, as invisible as a person can be behind a pane of glass. Something in your stomach immediately turns. “Um, Loki? You okay?”

“How did you know that.” His voice is toneless, and quieter than you’ve ever heard it, even in those beginning days where he did nothing but huff and sigh at your existence.

You’re confused, but more than that, you’re frantically wondering what you did to cause such anguish to appear on his face. “How did I know…? I don’t know what you mean.”

“That I- I’m not-” he takes a breath, and it shudders out of him so achingly slowly something about it breaks your heart. “A frost giant.”

“How did I know that…you’re a frost giant…? I mean, like everything else we knew about you, from old poems and stories…” there’s a flare of anger in his eyes that scares you. “Is that- is that not good?”

“You say you knew this from the old stories?” His voice is still quiet, but now there’s something simmering beneath it.

“Yeah. The Poetic Edda and all that. I think they’re described as a race in Beowulf which is like, freshman English 101.” Silence. Heavy, stifling, suffocating silence. Your chest heaves from the pressure of it. “Loki? You’re scaring me here.”

The life crashes back into him all at once, and he’s suddenly as hot and dangerous as a flare lit to explode. “You knew this?” He roars, up on his feet and practically vibrating with intensity. His glare pins you to your seat. “You knew- the pathetic Midgardians, of all the races in the galaxy, knew my own secrets before even I?” He laughs violently, his entire body shaking with the force of it. “Of course they did! Because what luck would the universe afford me other than heinous? Other than disgusting-” his cot gets thrown from its position in the corner to the other side of his cell- “rotted-” his hands clench; knuckles white- “fate!” He stands amid the small chaos he’s created, heaving, eyes wild and looking for something to destroy.

You’ve curled yourself up a small as possible, watching the scene unfold with your heart in your throat. “Loki?” You whisper, not noticing a small tear drip onto your cheek. “I’m- I’m sorry. I don’t know what I said but I’m so sorry-”

When he whirls on you, notices your wide eyes, a little of his rage dissipates. “No, Witling, it is not-” he groans, clearly frustrated, and runs his fingers through his hair to direct his anger somewhere other than you. “You did nothing, other than confirm that the world is infinitely cruel.” His laugh is darker this time, more bitter. “That is a not a new lesson to me, have no fear.”

“I- I don’t understand.”

“I do not see how you would.” He looks away, but you get the idea that he’s tying to avoid his own reflection rather than you. His hands clench and unclench. “I am not sure how your poets came upon such knowledge, but it becomes more and more clear that their sources outrank even my own.”

Realization smack you so suddenly there’s a physical sting on your cheek. “You… you didn’t know. You didn’t know?” How is that even possible?

He grimaces. “Not until a scant year ago.”

You stare at him. “You didn’t know that you were a frost giant until a year ago.” He opens his mouth to say something scathing about your parroting habit, but you cut him off. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I just- how? Why?”

“Why does Odin do anything?” He snarls. “To manipulate. To lie. To raise torment.”

His tone is cutting, but his eyes are lost. Despite the anger radiating off of him in waves, he stands in his white cell alone, adrift, with nothing to anchor him. Ever so slowly, you push back your chair and stand- he eyes you like a caged animal, which is all too accurate to his situation- and walk to him, gauging his reaction as you go. He only watches, so you eventually get close enough to reach out and touch the glass in front of you. You can’t offer anything but that. “Tell me?”

Loki’s sigh caries millennia of unspoken stories. “I would not tell a tale you already know.”

You shake your head a little. “I think I’m realizing we never knew the first thing about you.”

He looks at you for a moment, apparently weighing your words. “It is quite simple. On a mission to slaughter the Jotunn, my father came across an abandoned child in the middle of the battlefield. He concealed its nature and brought it to Asgard to raise in hopes of one day using it as a bargaining chip for peace.”

It. He speaks of himself like a thing, not a person. “Why did he never tell you?”

“Because it would have risked disloyalty, and crippled his plans.” His eyes darken. “If I had realized sooner that I could never take the throne, never truly be a prince of Asgard…” he doesn’t finish his sentence, but you can guess the sentiment.

“He used you.” The simple fact hangs naked in the air, a revelation for you but old news to the god in the cell.

“From the day he spotted me. I was never more than a pawn to him.”

“But didn’t you look different?” You blurt out, trying to wrap your head around the inconsequential details in order to ignore the more painful implications. “I mean- I don’t know what frost giants- Jotunn- look like, really, but…”

He does smile a little at that. “Magic mimics, and illusions are quite easy to conjure. I imagine my subconscious did the work for me.”

“Oh.” You glance at the cuffs on his wrists. “Do they not do anything then?”

“I assure you they work properly,” he sighs. “I would assume Midgardian technology is not capable of suppressing every ounce of magic I possess.”

Your finger traces an outline of his manacles on the glass, leaving smudges. “I’m so sorry.”

Loki looks at you. “It’s ancient history, Witling.”

“How can you say that? Of course it’s not!”

“I realized my father’s love was conditional very quickly, even if I did not know why. I have had a century to deal with the fallout.”

“That- doesn’t make me feel better.” You cross your arms, desperately searching for solid footing. “So you were alone?”

“No.” His voice softens. “My mother- she loved me as a mother should. I do not think I would have survived without her.”

The both of you stand quietly for a minute as your world resettles on its axis. Loki eventually rights his cot and sits down on it, waiting for you to speak first.

“I bet you’re beautiful.” He looks at you, confused. “I mean your other form- self? Carvings aren’t very detailed, most people said the Jotunn were fiercely stunning.”

“Jotunn are monsters, Witling. The things you tell your children of at night. There is nothing beautiful about me.”

“You aren’t a monster.”

“The stories would say otherwise.”

“Well then maybe the stories are wrong,” you say harshly. His eyes meet yours, vulnerable. “Because I know monsters, Loki, I have plenty of my own. You do not share their face, believe me.” He doesn’t seem to know what to make of that- he seems caught between denial and disbelief. “Tell me about your mother.”

So he does. He tells you of her never ending patience when his burgeoning magic was more hinderance than help, and how her healing hands could stitch together even the most dire of wounds. How she could rein in Odin’s temper and even change his mind in the dead of night. How she would know exactly where he would hide when he was upset, and leave a mark or sign so he would know he wasn’t alone.

With every story, his sadness seems to chip away, and his anger fades. Your heart is still crying, but you’ve at least pulled yourself together enough for the tears to dry up, and smile and encourage Loki to keep going whenever he hesitates.

Throughout it all, you murmur small thank-you’s to Frigga in the back of your mind, for carrying him through when you couldn’t.

A/N: Get it? Because they dated for like three weeks and everyone thought it was strange?

Guys. I have two chapters left. TWO. And they’re not hard chapters. So why have I been staring at them for a week not able to write either of them??? BLERGH.

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years ago

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Survey #245

“i fell asleep at the wheel again, crashed my car just to feel again.”

What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Obsess over the appropriate amount of eye contact I make. What color is your mp3? Hot pink. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeup. Is there a song or lyrics currently super-glued in your head? "Popular Monster" by Falling In Reverse FUCK What can you go a day without doing? Uhhh a lot? I dunno... oh, drink water because I suck at that gah. I've gotten a lot better than I used to be tho. What can’t you go a day without doing? Touching some form of technology. Who do you spend most of your time with? Myself. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? Treat others with kindness. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I definitely think so. What type of art would you hang up in your room? Lol I have some of my own... but let's say it was a clean slate again. I'd put some macabre/gothic art of some sort up, probably. Of COURSE with meerkats making an appearance. What fruit is too sweet to you? Hm, I'm blanking. What was the last contest you have ever won: Uhhhh... I think the giveaway of two Silent Hill: Revelation things? That was forever ago. What was the worst hair cut you have ever had in your entire life: Looking back, the haircut I had before this one (short on the left, faded into still rather long on the right) I don't really like anymore. Looks fine in some pictures, but not most. What was the worst thing you have ever worn in your life: Oh I don't know. Probably some dance costume. Do you like any sort of animes: Yeah, a handful. I'd honestly like to watch more. Have you ever used someone for your own benefits: I don't think so. What is the worst cartoon you have ever seen: Oh boy, idk. There's some dumb ones, a lot that I've only seen peeks of. Do you like to type or write more: TYPE. Writing physically can easily make my carpal tunnel act up. I hated having to hand-write a few essays last semester... I had to stop frequently to roll my wrists and cringe and stuff. What color would you have your skin if you could change it: I'd like pale skin like I have, but I wish it was more flawless/porcelain-ish. SOOOOOO pretty ahahhhhhhhhahhhhhh Do you usually cook your own meals, or does someone cook for you: I usually have to throw something together in the microwave because Mom's barely home, but when she is home, she cooks. If someone cooks for you, do you always thank them for it: YES. YES. NOT SAYING ANYTHING IS SO FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL. What do you do during the day: Almost without question, SOMEthing on technology/usually computer. As for what I do on technology, boy, a lot a lot. I don't even feel like listing it all. When you are online what do you normally find yourself doing: ... Oh, lmao. Uhhh binging YouTube, writing on or just checking up on KM, dA browsing/cleaning my drowning inbox, Facebook, "working" at the SH and SotC wikis, playing games, roaming Tumblr, check my emails, uhhhhhhh,,,, What is the most hated item you own: I wouldn't... keep it if I hated it? Uhhhh yeah, I honestly don't know. What is your favorite item you own out of all the items you have: My iPod, really. I have over 1k songs on this old-ass nano that I've had since middle school. I guess my laptop is kinda tied, but idk. Like, I don't love this laptop itself, just that it allows me to go online at a decent speed lmao. I guess they're my favorites in different ways. So, do you think that you will get where you want in life currently: Not stopping pushing for it 'til I get it. Why is that so. May I ask: I'm "too" determined. It's been a struggle getting to even where I am, but FUCK, I'm getting there. Do you like Halloween: I can't fwu if you don't. Has a teacher ever flirted with you? Not to my recollection. Is it okay for friends to kiss each other, as friends? Personally, I think a simple peck is fine IF that's your thing and it's mutually understood that it's platonic. Ex., I know greeting kisses are normal in some cultures, and I see no reason to shame it so long you're not like making out. Is it okay for girls to hit boys? Fuck no. Unless you're like fighting off an assailant/defending yourself, NO gender hits ANYONE. Do you know a lot of attractive boys personally? I've never thought about it? I'm not gonna dig through all the people I know rn... What happens if you realized you had a crush on somebody? More than anything, I'd be scared of being hurt again, particularly if it's a guy. So I definitely wouldn't make the first move. Do you think you are attractive? No. Which two of your friends would have the cutest baby together? I don't know. How do you feel about your naked body? DON'T COME AT ME WITH THIS QUESTION GO AWAY Have you ever been called obnoxious? No. At least, not to my memory. Do you wish you had a bigger family? No, but a more close-knit one. Which friend would you kiss full on the mouth, no questions asked? Sara. If somebody smacks your butt, you automatically say: I wouldn't say shit, I'd turn around and smack them across the face. How often does your family life conflict with your social life? Pretty much never. Have you ever been emotionally abused? No, thankfully. Do small children like you? They seem to, I guess. If karma is really true, should you be worried? Not very. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis? None. Do you have anything hidden in your room? Yeah, some saved money. What do you wish you were doing right now instead of this? It'd be great to talk to Sara. If you had a baby, would you want to have it at home or in a hospital? Oh I'm going to the fucking hospital for that epidural fren. If I even wanted kids. What was the last thing you ordered online? Uhhh good question. Have you ever had a bad experience with anti-depressants? If so, what? Well, actually the entire time I was ON anti-depressants. Because I'm bipolar, anti-depressants actually ramp up the aggression of bipolarity symptoms. How, I don't recall the science of, but I trust every word that comes out of my psychiatrist's mouth for many reasons. That definitely happened. One also made me gain weight, and the worst instance was in middle school when I was briefly on one that made me SO fucking hyper and happy in the morning but I crashed into an absolute bitchy monster by mid-afternoon. Now a combination of mood stabilizers helps both my bipolarity and depression immensely and are the main reason I'm alive. Are you allergic to any plants? I mean, I'm allergic to pollen. Are you an outdoors person? If the weather is cool, I love it. Does your past bother you? Some parts of it. Do you take risks or play it safe? I tend to play it safe. What forms of art do you like the best? This is an absolutely impossible question. "Art" has such an incredible range of forms, and I enjoy like... all. I guess the one thing I don't particularly care for is abstract art. What forms of art do you want to try? HYPERREALISM IN DRAWING. I REALLY wanna be able to draw/paint/whatever and make it look so true to life, BUT I'd like to add fantasy aspects to what I'm making (for example, my characters). I'd love to do portraits, too. This isn't really a "type" of art, but one thing I desperately want in art is to actually develop my own recognizable style that isn't just a wobbly attempt at realism with shitty proportions. What’s your favorite planet? Saturn's dope. Has a medication ever made you itch? No. What’s your favorite rainy day activity? Cuddle with snacks and like binge a good TV show/YT videos, etc. BUT considering I'm single I'ma just take a nap if I'm actually tired and you can hear the rain on the window. Do you put creamer in your tea? I wonder how many times I'll tell surveys I hate tea lmao by the end of my life lmao. What do you think are some good names for twins? I don't care enough to think about this. What are three things that fascinate you? Animal behavior (particularly social), the paranormal, and genetics. Would you say you live more in the past, present, or future? Present, I think. Have you ever been a victim of a crime? Not me personally, no, but my family. We had our basketball hoop stolen from our front yard and I was mega tilted yo. Does injustice make you angry? More like it infuriates me. Do you have the bad habit of procrastinating? Very badly. Are you afraid of running into a certain person in public? I both am and am not afraid of running into Jason. I have a very strong feeling I'd start having a PTSD episode (by that I mean hyperventilating, crying a bit, and shaking at the very least), but simultaneously I just want him to know I'm sorry. Do you have anyone you avoid? No. Do you have the same dreams now that you did as a kid? No. Who’s your crush? I don't really know if I have one right now. My old friend Ian and I started talking, and he's a fucking hilarious dude with similar ethics to mine with great compassion, but I still don't know him well enough to say I like-like him. I'm honestly just happy to have an irl friend again that actually talks to me regularly. Do you trust the government? I believe in WAY too many conspiracy theories to even try to convince anyone I trust the government lmao. Who do you want to meet in Heaven? I don't know exactly what sort of afterlife I believe in (it's not the traditional Heaven though), but I do believe that souls can reunite. The first thing I want to see again is Teddy. Does your school take sports too seriously? Considering we're well-respected in the sports field to the degree we draw in a huge number of foreign athletes, guess you could say yes lmao. Most of the people I even slightly know here came for sports. If there are bruises on your body, how did you get them? There aren’t. Would you ever go back in time to do something over again, but differently? Yes. Where did you kiss the last person you kissed? The airport. Have you thought about your wedding in detail? Not great detail, no. Do you think you could ever really kill someone? In self-defense, I know I could. Do you like Papa John’s pizza? I couldn't even guess the last time I had it. I don't remember. Do you attend school? Yeah. Do you call it a crush, or do you just say you like someone? The latter. Where were you when the ball dropped? In my bed asleep lmao. Where are your siblings? Probably all at work. Waffles, pancakes, or french toast? French toast. Do you ever judge people based on if they believe in God or not? Not really, but I WILL wonder to myself if you believe in some of the bullshit just about every religion has somewhere. Are you sometimes scared to express your opinions in fear of what others might think? YUP YUP YUP! Mainly irl tho. Have you ever painted your nails on only one hand, forgetting about the other one or getting side-tracked? No. Have you ever gone to one of those parties where everyone is falling around drunk everywhere? No. Been to one where everyone was high, though. Are you “the good guy”, or “the bad guy”, or somewhere in between? I'd hope the good guy. Do you ever erase the numbers off of surveys just because they annoy you? Ha ha yeah. Do you think you will have the same best friend a year from now? Yes. Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? Yes, all but one. What do you hear right now? "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Proud as fuck because this song was a MASSIVE PTSD trigger at first and even made me cry, but despite it still making me kinda uncomfortable, I can listen to and enjoy it now. If an ex said they hated you, what would you say? The only three people whose opinions would matter there would be Sara, Girt, and Jason. Sara and Jason would fucking break me, while I think Girt would of course make me cry, but I just. Wouldn't be surprised to lose another irl friend. I'd be so fucking hurt by any. OH YEAH, what would I say? I think Sara would have me speechless. I'd probably just choke out, "I don't blame you," to Jason. Girt, my first instinct pondering this was "are you serious?" because he's such a joker while my stomach dropped. What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? I'd be happy for her, but still feel kinda sad that it wasn't me. What do you think when someone kisses you on your forehead? If I like the person, I feel very comforted. It like... makes me feel small, safe, and permitted to just let my emotions loose, ex. be "allowed" to cry. What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check my phone to see the time. Truthfully, is there someone you used to date that you miss? I don't want to answer this. Do the math. Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette? No. Do you brush your teeth right away when you wake up? No. Have you ever made someone laugh when they were crying? Yeah. Would you date someone three years older than you? Yeah. Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning? Actually as of recently, the morning. It's a nice way to start the day clean and energized. Could you handle living with the last person you texted? I'd love to live with her. Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? It was assigned, but I loved it. Have you accomplished any goals you set for yourself this year so far? Not really? Well no, I think I'm being a less procrastinating student and also not fleeing so quickly from situations that invoke my anxiety. Are there still movie rental stores where you live or have they all gone out of business? SOBS Blockbuster come BACK we NEED u. What was the last thing to annoy you or make you upset? Eh, it was stupid and something that realistically isn't worth being annoyed by. I was SUPER bored and tired yesterday waiting for Mom to finish her field work while I waited in the library after classes, and I was so ready to go home, but she stayed longer than she thought she would. Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush/es assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? Actually, not really. He's way too motivated and drawn to people who push forward and get shit done, and just in general at least from how I "know" him as a fan I could only realistically see us as friends. But a fangirl can dream ok just let me dream. When looking for something to watch on TV do you tend to pick shows you know you like, or try new shows that look interesting even though you’ve never heard of them before? I'll answer hypothetically if I watched TV: probably something I know I like. Might get adventurous every now and again and try something new, though, especially if it's on a channel I like. How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? I haven't had to. I juuuuust slightly have enough room where I DID have them grow in. Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? Uhhh probably the deli, which I got and lasted for two hours my first work day lmao. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. What do people tell you your voice sounds like? I dunno, kinda deep for a girl and lacking an accent most of the time. What financial class are you? Lower. What poster is hanging closest to you? A huge Nightmare Before Christmas one. Are you more comfortable with men or women? Women. Would you go on a date with someone right now if they asked? Maybe if Ian did? Idk. It'd be a nice way to get to know more about each other, but I'd only agree to it after we talked a bit longer. Does your family keep tons of leftovers in the fridge? Not "a ton." Things we'll eat again though, yes. Favorite FRIENDS character? That is, if you like it. I haven't watched it. Are you thinking of getting another piercing? Where? Hell yes. Pretty sure next is collarbones if I could just lose a little bit more weight so they're more visible. Do you love when people remember little things about you? YES OMG!!!!!!!!!! Do you ‘bless’ strangers when they sneeze? Yes, I just think it's common good manner. Even though the reasoning behind it is whatever, it's a societal thing that I just go along with. How many phones have you gone through? Idk, not too many. Have you always lived in the house you currently reside in? No.

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