#honestly Ryder has been interesting me lately

[lmelodie]

I must now infect YOU with OC beach day asks, so, WOE! BEACH DAY BE UPON YE AND YOUR OC'S?

(Killian doesn't strike me as a beach guy, but Mera is like. A force to be reckoned with and I need to know if she COULD drag him to the beach >:)

I'm SO GLAD YOU ASKED! And I'm also really glad that you have such a good handle on these characters personalities. I've also added Lucy as well because she has become my oc-in-law of sorts. BEACH DAY FUCKERS LETS GOOO!

Chimera:

Mera loves the beach a fair amount, but she's banned from quite a few beaches because of her tendency to “enhance” the PH level of the water. She’s not allowed at a handful of different lakes.

But! The bodies of water she’s allowed to go to she has a blast. She usually goes by herself or occasionally with a gaggle of her friends. And after getting all her stuff set up its straight to the water!

I've mentioned it before in a different ask, but she LOVES splashing around in the water. She brings her own giant rubber ball (the ones that the tigers get to play with in zoos) and goes HAM! She likes swimming under the water too and being fully submerged. 

Maybe she catches a stray fish in her mouth, who knows.

When not in the water however its tanning hour. She tans like a champ and is two or three shades darker than when she arrived. She does The Cat thing where she’ll find a nice patch of sun and bask in it for a long while. Some kind of alcoholic drink next to her and she’s good for a looong time. She pulls a Blaise and becomes the sand.

She also has her own music blasting somewhere next to her as a soundtrack for her trip. If no one else at the beach likes her music taste, then they must suffer anyway cause she’s not changing it >:)

If she is so inclined, she will be bringing the latest trashy romance novel she's into atm. Ya know, essentials.

If she’s with the girlies she will be spilling ALL THE GOSSIP. She is all over that rumor mill and will be talking shit about everyone while she’s there.

I feel like she has her own specially made chair set up so that she can comfortably relax and veg out on the sand. Considering the awkward physique. 

She has also been known to frequent nudist beaches on occasion. Nudist magical beaches are very far and few between, so she actually tries her best to NOT get banned from the few that there are. She’s all about letting the lord hold her tits from time to time.

But as far as clothing goes, she already wears garments that are practically bikini tops anyway, so her swimwear is basically the equivalent of two pasties and couple of strings. Helps with the tan lines at any rate.

Killian:

You are very right in that Kills has informed me personally that he doesn't like the beach all that much lol. Most of the time will not humor the thought of going to one. It’s just not his thing; it's in broad daylight, there's not a lot of places to hide or lurk, its uncomfortably hot.

(Cue cartoonish image of a random goth at a beach)

HOWEVER, the only time where he will consider going to the beach is if it's at nighttime. Nighttime beaches kinda act as a weird liminal space (in my opinion), and he’s always looking for more of those to hang out at. So, he’ll only go as long as it's after sunset.

Chimera (and later Jack when they eventually get back together), plan this accordingly if they want to invite him on this kinda outing. They will compromise and plan the day so that it goes from early evening to full nighttime so that he won't be as uncomfortable. 

He also doesn't dress for the occasion either. He will wear his usual full coverage outfit to the beach and strip accordingly. Leaving the shirt and pants with the legs rolled up.

(This beach episode thing has made me realize that I do not like to think about this man's grippers being out in any capacity.)

And he doesn't even do much while he’s there either! He’ll mostly just wade through the shallows and think. Shoot the shit with whoever he happens to be with. Scare any straggling passersby. Ominously lurk in the far distance.

He likes talking with Mera and having a drink but ultimately complains a whole bunch that they could've just done this at home and how his coat is now full of sand. She will try and splash him a little, but this just gets on his nerves more than anything. They might have to fight about it, they might scrap.

Post Reunion with Jack, he is a little more lenient with him, and complains a lot more silently. Jack fully understands that this not his comfort zone and tries to dial back the Jackness as much as possible. It only works some of the time.

Jack will also throw snowballs at him, but that's just something he does in their day to day anyway. So they will ALSO scrap. If Mera annoys him, Jack must have a death wish.

MAYBE romance happens. MAYBE. I will let you decide what exactly goes down if anything at all 😉

There was one time where he ended up bringing very illegal fireworks and let those off from the shoreline. He did like that part at least.

Lucy:

Lucy liked the beach before getting powers, but after? She LOVES the place. And that’s because of the moon and its effects on the tides. After getting her powers she finds being at the beach a lot more peaceful and centering than before. She ends up actually buying property on the beach front at some point and just lives there later in life :)

She is a volleyball QUEEN. She slaughters at beach volleyball and Charlie thinks he can win every time thinking THIS TIME will be the one. And he always loses and never learns. She walks away 20 bucks richer on beach days.

She also enjoys a good footrace, never one to be the fastest but consistently comes in second or third and is always a good sport about it.

One of her more odd abilities is to be able to perfectly split and evenly divide things (she's like a living set of scales) so this means she can actually MOSSES THE SEA and carves out a little alcove for herself to walk along the bottom of the ocean floor and collect shells and sea glass.

Sibling Stack beach edition is literally just Charlie throwing the likes of Luce and Buddy straight into the water. And this never gets old.

She's a fan of both burying someone and getting buried in the sand, she gets a kick out of both.

She might also bring along a certain fiery mermaid friend named Ryder 👀 I don't know exactly what his personality is yet, but he enables Lucy’s behaviors 100% of the time. Good and bad. He’s all about the girl boss AND woman fail moments. He’s the epitome of, Kick his ass baby I got your flower.

Like the twins he does make the water warmer, and they will go scuba diving together. Looking at all the fishes and reefs and things. She holds onto him while he goes swims super fast and she loves it to pieces.

She has sandwiches! She packs the picnic and caters to everyone's individual tastes.

She periodically bothers Jack about cooling her off during the day until he gets the idea to just dump her into a huge pile of snow on the sand.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble about the summer blorbos in the middle of spring.

[moltenwrites]

Writing interview tag!

Ohoho this one is exciting! Thanks @the-letterbox-archives for the tags. Your answers were sick, it was a very interesting read. This one is a long one, but the goal is to answer a LOT of questions. A empty list will be at the bottom with the tags!

About me

When did you start writing?

Oo im not sure? I started “ seriously “ writing a couple of years ago when I took a writing class, but I wouldn’t say I was really a “ writer “ untill I started working on How Our World Ended a few years ago

Are there different genres or themes you enjoy reading other than the ones you write?

Oh 100% I haven’t been reading that much lately, but I mostly read horror and mystery. While I sneak in horror sometimes, I’ve never really been compelled to write a mystery story

Is there an author you want to emulate, or are compared to often?

If I’m honest, no to both of those. I have authors I love, but i have my own thing. And people don’t compare me to any author. Weither that’s good or bad is up to you I guess

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I write with my old, shitty Chromebook on my bed with my pillow propped up as a back rest. My PC keyboard is very loud and just not too fun to write with, and I despise writing on mobile. If I’m in the mood, I turn on some music and get to work

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I’m gonna answer this question in two different ways, how I get inspiration for ideas, and how I get in the writing vibe. For the first, it’s honestly just seeing something I like and going “ I wanna do that “ or listening to a song while some grand story plays out in my head. For ACTUALLY writing, that’s tricky. I normally write late, but if a friend is up talking about whatever thing ive really liked as of late can help. Thinking ahead to scenes I’m excited to write helps, especially when I listen to music that I tie to those moments.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and/or places you write about?

I mean, I’m sure they did subconsciously somehow- but I tend to write in fantasy, and my suburban ass life doesn’t really lend to my ideas well. Though I will say, my moms fondness for museums has inspired Paintings a good bit

Are there any reoccurring themes in your writing? If so, do they surprise you?

Yeah, a good few. I’d say grief, and how it impacts people is the most prevalent theme across my stories. This is a bit surprising since I’ve ( fortunately ) not lost too many people in my life

Characters:

would you please tell me about your current favorite character?

Oo this one is HARD. I can pick my favorite for each story easily but OVERALL is really hard. I’m torn between Lars from Souls Collide, or The Artist from How Our World Ended. Both characters mean so much to me, and I’d say those two are the characters I’ve made with the most depth. Ughh this is difficult. I guess I’ll say Lars for now, just because of how prevalent and important to me he’s been

Also I know it’s not what the question is asking, but my favorite character that I DIDNT make is Sunny from OMORI

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

I think I’d vibe with most of the souls collide cast, considering they were initially based off of people I knew. I also think I’d get along with Asim and Astera from Paintings, along with Lyra and Val from How Our World Ended.

which characters would you dislike the most of you met them?

Oh god most of them. I write TERRIBLE people. Samaueal would just kill me- I’d hate Nelios, he’s a dick, Ryder from Souls Collide was based off of a person I disliked in real life, Salazar is pretentious and WOULD kill me, Dimitri is the worst- I can go on. But the worst is Samaueal, considering he would just kill me for the hell of it

Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters?

It’s real weird. I either see something I like, and want to steal it in some way, so i base a character off of them. Asim and Astera are heavily influenced by Mary and Reginald from Cemetery Mary, Hart is inspired by Walter White, the whole council was inspired by the organization from Kingdom Hearts. But for characters I didn’t partially steal, it mostly just comes to me when listening to music. Some characters were also created out of necessity, and evolved far past that.

Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?

Yup. I tend to write certain types of characters very formally, my protags are often shaken by one particularly harrowing event, and they almost all have some sort of huge internal fight with themselves.

How do you picture your characters?

It depends! Most of the time, I imagine every character in the style I wanted Souls Collide to be, but for certain scenes ( especially fights with Res ) I see it in live action.

My writing:

what’s your reason for writing?

I have a whole lotta ideas and gotta get them out SOMEHOW.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment from readers that you find particularly motivating?

Literally anything positive anyone says makes my day. You all have been more supportive than irl friends. But the things that make my day are either people predicting what comes next in private circles, and for comments here, saying that people like a character or are interested in a story makes me beam. I will die if I ever get fan art ( in a good way )

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

However they wanna. You don’t have to see me any way, but I’ve tried to be a positive force here, so I guess that.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I don’t wanna sound egotistical, but my ideas are really cool ( at least I think so )

What have you been told is your greatest strength as a writer is by others?

I’ve been told that what I can do is impressive. I remember one specific interaction about the artist that was incredibly kind.

How do you feel about your own writing?

It depends. I’m incredibly proud of my recent work. I love how Paintings is coming along, and I think the laster chapters of How Our World Ended are the best things I’ve ever written. Anything over two years old is dogshit though, I was in physical pain rereading the first draft of chapter 4

If you were the last person on earth, would you still write?

Gonna be real, don’t think I’d live. But in the event I continued living for whatever reason, maybe? I don’t know, that’s a hard ass question.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, do you write purely for yourself, or is it a mix of both?

I write plots entirely for myself, but I try to thing about what issues there are with my plot from a readers perspective. Idk if that sounds crazy, but thinking about stuff from an outsider perspective can be helpful in editing.

Annnd that’s all, this took me life half an hour wow. Here’s the question list ( It’s unspaced so fellow mobile users can actually copy it all ) Thanks for reading it all, if you did, it’s a super fun exercise!

About meWhen did you start writing?Are there different genres or themes you enjoy reading other than the ones you write?Is there an author you want to emulate, or are compared to often?can you tell me a bit about your writing space? What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and/or places you write about?Are there any reoccurring themes in your writing? If so, do they surprise you?Characters: would you please tell me about your current favorite character? Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?which characters would you dislike the most of you met them?Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters? Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?How do you picture your characters? My writing: what’s your reason for writing?Is there any specific comment or type of comment from readers that you find particularly motivating? How do you want to be thought about by your readers?What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?have you been told is your greatest strength as a writer is by others?How do you feel about your own writing?If you were the last person on earth, would you still write?When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, do you write purely for yourself, or is it a mix of both?

Annnnd tag list!

@thatuselesshuman @ddgraywrites @jjoneswriting @revenantlore @aintgonnatakethis @yourpenpaldee @illarian-rambling @autism-purgatory @the-letterbox-archives @theverumproject @gioiaalbanoart @noxxytocin @joseph-hooser @mk-writes-stuff @yrndrgn @wyked-ao3

+ Open, as always

[ziskandra]

Fanfic Author Self-Recs!

@haljathefangirlcat tagged me to rec five of my own fanfics with you all — thank you, friend! 💖 I've tried to go with a variety of different fandoms and have mostly focused on older works. I also purposely haven't recommended any of my Dragon Age works as I feel DA has been occupying a lot of my brain space lately, and I wanted to give some of the spotlight to my other fannish interests! I'm gonna tag @mxanigel, @barbex, @joiningthefandomeightyearslate, @chocochipbiscuit and @fandomn00blr to share five of their works with us (if you so desire!) Without any further ado, I present my self-recs: 1. Retrospect - Mass Effect: Andromeda - Alec Ryder/Ellen Ryder (10k, rated M)

They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die and he's about to find out just how right they are.

A series of vignettes exploring Alec Ryder's relationships with his nearest and dearest, and the faltering steps he took to bridge the gaps between them.

Every time any sort of self-recommendation meme comes up, Retrospect is always the first fic that comes to mind. To this day, I still consider it my magnum opus, as I feel it really captures my strengths as an author. Character study of a morally grey, controversial character? Check. Non-linear narrative? Check. Experimental prose? Check. Vignettes? Check. Themes of family and struggling to fit in? Check check. If anyone ever wants to make my entire fucking month, please read this fic and tell me your thoughts on it. You will have my undying gratitude! 💖

2. Grounded - Mass Effect Andromeda - Calvin Kosta/Joelle Kosta (2.2k, rated M)

Calvin remembers the first time he held Liam in his arms. Big baby, nine pounds. His son is an ugly, wrinkly thing and yet also the most beautiful sight in the world. He smooths down the infant’s hair, kisses the soft spot on his head and whispers, “You’re gonna do great things." During the Reaper War, Calvin Kosta reflects on his relationship with his son.

This fic did really well on Tumblr (one of the few times I'd ever gotten over 100 notes on a post), but didn't quite get the same level of traction on AO3, which was quite interesting to me at the time as I'd never had that happen before (or since!) Honestly, it covers a lot of similar themes as Retrospect, but this time focused on Liam's family and how they deal with the Reaper War when they're left behind on Earth. IDK, I'm just obsessed with examining the human drive to live and survive, and what we struggle for, and how both our past experiences and our hopes for the future shape our actions, whether we're willing to admit it to ourselves or not.

3. Best Served Hot - Ace Attorney - Miles Edgeworth/Franziska von Karma (2k, rated E)

Franziska's gloved fingers seized Miles's jaw, digging into the sides of his face. "We were never siblings," she said. "Papa made sure of that. But if I can't best you in any other way, then I will have this."

If Retrospect is my ultimate magnum opus, then Best Served Hot is my franmiles manifesto. It truly is all of my feelings about this complicated and messy relationship dynamic carefully distilled into a fanfic! Anyway, I'm obsessed with the fact that Franziska regularly refers to Miles as her little brother, but Miles never refers to her as his sister.

However, the way that Miles acts with Franziska is SO sibling-like, whereas Franziska's a bit... weirder. She never really had normal familial relationships modeled to her (Miles, on the other hand, at least had something of a normal upbringing before his father's death).

Franziska is also a character who, for lack of a better term, weaponises her femininity. She's so young but she's built this whole aesthetic around tight miniskirts and kitten-heeled boots and carrying and using a fucking bullwhip. So, I 'm particularly fascinated by the cross-section of Franziska's obsession with Miles Edgeworth and her insecurities (and how she over-compensates for them).

Of course, if she stopped to think about it for a minute, she should have realised that Miles Edgeworth is perhaps not the ideal target for her feminine wiles, but Franziska's not exactly known for keeping a cool head in a crisis.

Finally, this fic also explores another point in Franziska's life that I'm fascinated by, which is her reaction to Phoenix Wright's disbarment. Phoenix is the only lawyer who has ever bested her (if she can even admit that much), and I think she would be INFURIATED by the insinuation that he owes his career success to forgery. Franziska von Karma would NOT be bested by a fraud! (And also she would be furious that Klavier Gavin got the chance to do what she's always wanted to do -- that is, defeat Phoenix Wright -- but that's a topic for another fanfic.)

4. Intermission - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - Audra Levine/Greg Serrano (2.3k, rated T.)

Recently divorced Audra Levine visits West Covina to provide moral support during her frenemy’s open mic night. Greg has always had a type.

While gregaudra (graudra?) might be something of a random ship, I was really surprised by how well they worked together (although in hindsight, it should have been obvious -- Greg really has a type, huh). I love Audra as a character, and I'm always obsessed with giving her room to grow and move on as a character and determine the shape of her own life, the way she wants, much as Rebecca (and Greg) got to do in the course of the series. (Also, its sequel, Realization, still has one of my favourite lines I think I've ever written: Audra's been busy filing away the parts of her life that don’t spark joy while retaining the parts that do, like she’s Marie Kondo-ing the weight and burden of everyone’s expectations instead of her household possessions.

I so rarely write in contemporary fandoms that it was a fun exercise to write stories where the popculture references actually help ground it in time and place.)

5. Sink or Swim - Harry Potter - Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood (12k, rated T.)

Percy has always struggled to keep his head above water.

(Or: the story of Percy Weasley, from his youth, through to his estrangement with his family, to the end of the war.)

It feels weird to be recommending HP fic in this day and age, but my complicated* feelings towards the fandom aside, I'm still really proud of how this fanfic turned out and how I was able to cram all of my Percy Weasley analysis into a coherent story. I particularly loved delving into how Percy was pushed into positions of responsibility from a young age (and then simultaneously derided for the very same qualities his parents reinforced), and how he struggled with his conflicting desires to fit in but also to succeed and be recognised for his talents and efforts. There's a couple of sentences from the fic which really encapsulate how I see Percy's relationship to his family, which I'll quote here:

In bits and pieces, Percy tells Oliver all about the estrangement to his family: how he’d always gotten along with his dad best growing up, no matter how his mother had doted on him. How when he was younger, he’d wanted nothing more than to be the next Arthur Weasley. How he’d always thought that his dad deserved more.

How it was easier to blame his father’s idiosyncrasies and personality for his family’s struggles with money, than to acknowledge it as a failure of the society he’d been raised in.

How he’d foolishly thought that if he studied enough, worked enough, succeeded enough, he could change it all.

Percy's story really is that of every working-class child who's sought to improve their life (and their family's life) through education and I just... relate to that a lot!!

[cadybear420]

Let's see...

Need to catch up on a lot of Choices books

Definitely me. +1

Old Choices player from 2016

Definitely not me. I came across Choices in 2021.

First LI was Chris Powell

Nope, mine was Liam Rys.

I hate horror but enjoy ILS

Definitely me. I'm usually put off by the horror genre, but ILS has always been in my Choices' Bests tier. +1

Yay cute unicorns and pegasus and horses

Not quite my favorite but I definitely would get gushy over cute unicorns and pegasus and horses. +0.5

I love fantasy

It's kind of a hit or miss genre for me, but I enjoy it well enough. +0.5

I miss 2016-2019 Choices

I wasn't playing the game in that era, but it definitely yieled the higher quality of Choices titles. +1

Ernest Sinclaire my beloved

Haven't played D&D yet.

Nightbound deserves better

I was lukewarm to NB, but the ending was definitely rather inconclusive. +1

Am I a drama queen?

I worry about coming off as that too. +1

Always the youngest in a group

Has happened to me a few times but IDK how often

Nik Ryder my babe

I liked him as a character but I wasn't quite interested in him as a LI.

Ooh pink! But purple is my favorite

I love both of those colors, and purple is definitely my favorite too. +1

Romance Club won my heart, Choices failed me

Havent tried Romance Club yet. Modern Choices disappoints and disinterests me but they still have amazing stories from previous years.

NB and D&D have so much in common

Again, haven't played D&D yet. So I can't have an opinion on this.

Joined Choices Tumblr too late

I joined in 2022, and me joining late was kind of ineviatble due to the fact that I discovered Choices in 2021. But honestly I have mixed feelings on whether or not it was a good thing that I joined late. On one hand, I missed out on when discussions and creations for the HSS:OG Trilogy were more common and gained more traction. On the other hand, god knows how much toxicity was in the Choices fandom when it had more people; the current fandom isn't perfect but it's a lot more peaceful. +0.5

Final Score: 7.5/16

Not bad, almost half. We have some similarities but also lots of differences

Inspired by @rosesnink 's old Bingo Game, I created my own. Please let me know and reblog your results. How many Bingos?

[brother-genitivi]

Summary: A nervous Arda goes to meet Jaal’s family for the first time, two lads kissin, Arda comes to terms with his loneliness

Pairing: Arda Ryder/Jaal Ama Darav

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None (mention of anxiety)

Word Count: 1.5k

"What is bothering you, Ryder?"

Arda turned to face Jaal, the sweet faced Angara he was falling head over armoured heels for. Ugh, were his hands sweating? He sheepishly rubbed his clammy palms on the legs of his trousers, managing a pitiful shrug in reply.

"There is no need to worry." Jaal put a hand on Arda’s quivering shoulder. “My family will like you, I am sure.”

Arda’s heart leapt into his throat at the contact. He sighed deeply and reached for the bag he stowed away under his seat. As the shuttle drew to a stop at Jaal’s home, Arda attempted to relax.

"Jaal? Jaal!" His true mother, Sahuna, ran forward to embrace her son. Arda squashed down a painful pang of jealousy. He rarely received hugs from his father (though he got many from his twin and mother) while he was still alive, and yet to Jaal and Sahuna it seemed like a habit… like it happened all the time. Knowing Angaran culture, it probably did.

"Wait, is there bad news?"

"No, no," Jaal gestured to Arda who waved awkwardly in turn, adjusting a curl that had fallen in front of his eyes. "The Pathfinder is interested in where I grew up. Arda, this is my true mother, Sahuna Ama Darav."

Arda smiled and greeted her with a hug.  His shoulders slumped in relief almost instantly.

"It’s wonderful to meet you! I hear the Angara like hugging," he said, then added hastily, "I do too, but we don't usually have enough time for hugs in my line of work."

To his surprise, Sahuna swept him into another one, surely to make up for all the hugs he missed out on. For a split-second Arda had to resist the urge to cry. He'd been there for less than two minutes and already felt like he was at home.

“Jaal’s told me about how much he admires you.”

Arda couldn’t stop himself from grinning. He glanced at Jaal, a warm buzz replacing the crushing weight within his chest. “Really?”

“He’s my favourite,” Sahuna beamed fondly at her son. Arda noted her eyes crinkled the same way Jaal’s did when he smiled. “He’s smart. Loyal. Kind. A great shot. Writes poetry…”

“Mother…” If Angara could blush, Jaal certainly would have then.

“Ah, I’m late for a Resistance meeting.” Sahuna put her hands on both Arda and Jaal’s shoulders. “Stay clear.”

“One last thing,” Arda called out to her as she walked to the shuttle. “What should I call you? Sahuna, or Miss Ama Darav?”

Sahuna seemed to ponder for a second, but she’d known the answer as soon as she was asked. “Arda, you can call me anything you’d like. ‘Mother’, if you so wish. Now, go on. Have fun!”

Arda made a mental reminder to bake something special for Sahuna later. She deserved the best of his baking capabilities. Even then he couldn’t believe what Sahuna had said. Jaal actually talked about him to his mother! He considered that one of the highest of compliments.

“Let’s go inside,” Arda broke the comfortable silence, a new-found confidence rising within himself. “I’m excited to meet the rest of your family.”

“After you. Everyone, this is Arda.”

Arda waved good-naturedly, observing the room. When Jaal mentioned having a large family, Arda thought he meant five or six family members. He did a quick head count and ended up having to start over again. Despite the main room being full of people, it felt neither claustrophobic nor crowded. It was obvious to Arda everyone enjoyed each other's company. He squinted suspiciously at the tranquil scene in front of him, thinking back to the interactions he used to have with his father. They couldn’t go two minutes without arguing. But Jaal’s family? They seemed so… healthy.

“This is wonderful! It feels so warm and cosy here,” Arda mused, setting his bag on the table.

“We like to live like this.” Jaal smiled briefly, leading Arda to his room. “My tiny sanctuary.”

Jaal’s room was mostly tidy aside from a few scattered books and pages of what looked like poetry. Arda couldn’t be sure; most of the leather bound pages were covered in illustrations of galaxies and constellations he didn’t recognise. They didn’t look like any stars he knew from the Heleus Cluster either. 

“We have this saying and, uh, I think it applies here. ‘Home is where the heart is’.”

Jaal chuckled, then stopped abruptly as his gaze fell on a box sitting on his bed. “Oh, who put this here?”

Arda sat next to him, knees brought into his chest. Their shoulders bumped for just a second, but it was enough to send his stomach in twists. He instinctively leaned his head into the crook of Jaal’s neck.

“So-” Arda squeaked as Jaal returned the gesture, resting his head on top of his own. He cleared his throat and peered into the box. “These a-are schematics?”

“When I was seven, my aunt stole a kett weapon for me. So I took it apart. To learn.”

“Makes sense. Ooh, and that is - was - a kaerkyn.”

“Pet kaerkyn,” Jaal corrected him. “Alfit. He died. So I also took him apart.”

“Once again, makes sense. If you learnt from him, then why not?”

“Exactly. I don’t really show people these things…”

Jaal pushed the box away and held Arda by the arms.

“You make my heart sing. I want us to be together.”

Arda blinked slowly at him. Did he hear that right? He couldn’t help the grin spreading across his warm face.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” he replied breathlessly.

“Yes!” Jaal laughed gleefully, prompting Arda to laugh with him. That was a sound he never wanted to forget. He looked into Jaal’s eyes and found himself lost in them. They reminded Arda of the days he spent searching for marine life by the local rockpools, or the nights he spent stargazing alone, watching the stars dot the sky like lights on a patchwork quilt of blue and black.

“I adore you.”

Jaal took Arda’s face in his hands, thumbs gently tracing the outline of his cheekbones. Arda giggled like an idiot as their noses bumped together. Warmth spread through his chest as their lips grazed each other, tentatively, softly, for the first time. They drew apart slowly, bearing twin expressions of contentedness.

“Let me show you something else you might like.” Jaal helped Arda up from the bed, reflexively squeezing his colder hands. “Lie down.”

Arda stared into the ceiling and gasped as Jaal flicked a small switch, illuminating the room in hues of soft blue and purple. He was looking at a cluster- no, a whole galaxy of revolving stars and planets.

“These are the stars in your pages,” Arda observed, pointing at the flickering dots, then at the pieces of paper distributed around. “It’s beautiful. Did you make that?”

“Long ago. It’s not accurate. More of a dream, really. Just one more thing I want to take apart and figure out.” Jaal stole a glance at Arda. Did all humans look this cute while concentrating? 

“Ah, Jaal...” Arda placed a hand over Jaal’s and squeezed it tenderly. 

“And now I have someone to do it with.”

For a few moments they lay there unbothered, no sound except for their steady breathing and whirring of the projector. As he watched the ceiling transform into a symphony of lapis and indigo, he thought back to the evenings where he would drag a blanket onto the roof and analyse the ever changing sky. Every single time Arda did it, he was by himself. He would have invited his twin, but she was always asleep, or away at boarding school.

He used to write stories about exploring the galaxy in a huge ship, away from the tense arguments between him and his father. He would dance wistfully to slow music under the moonlight, careful not to disturb the small birds nesting in the gutter, singing under his breath and telling secrets to the open air with only the stars as his witness. He felt so free, so alive, and so frightfully alone.

Arda brought Jaal’s hand to his lips, sighing again. That horrid weight in his chest was back.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes,” Arda made out through shaky breaths. Great. An anxiety attack. Of course it has to be right now, he thought bitterly. “Uh, maybe not yes. I don’t know. Well, I do. It’s stupid.”

“You can tell me,” Jaal said, rubbing Arda’s arm comfortingly. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’ve noticed humans are much more secluded with their emotions.”

Arda wrung his hands together, offering his boyfriend a small smile. “Honestly? I just want to go onto a rooftop under the stars and have a picnic.”

“Well...” Jaal gestured to the room around them. “It’s no roof, but we have stars and we have food.”

Jaal helped his darling one to his feet, heart swelling with adoration for the short human in front of him. If Arda wanted a picnic, he would get a picnic.

“Jaal? Thank you.” And he meant it. Because for the first time since he was sixteen, Arda wouldn’t have to watch the stars alone. He finally had someone to do it with.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #289

“life by life / waste to waste / i’m the harbinger, the master of decay”

How often do you watch the news? Never. Would you rather read the news online? Yeah. Speaking of being online, what website do you visit the most? YouTube. Have you ever held a snake? Plenty. Ever caught a turtle? What about a crawfish? Turtles, yes, as a kid. Please do not take animals out of the wild for no good reason, people. I never touched crawfish because they looked scary lmao. Have you ever eaten gumbo? Idk what that is. Or do you not like spicy food? I enjoy spicy food, but not nearly as much as when I was a teen. Back then, I loved the adrenaline rush, now I just wanna enjoy my food like a normal person, lol. Do you own a bottle of hand sanitizer? Do you like how it smells? Does anyone NOT at this time? Or even before, really? But anyway, no, I don't like the smell. Do you own a pool table? What about an air hockey table? Or a foosball table? Okay so one of the coolest things we had when I was younger was this table that had different "tops" to change out to turn it into various games like these. Like, it was all in one. I don't THINK we still have it? Do you live with your parents? Are you cool with that? I live with my mom, and right now, it's the better idea for many reasons. I feel like shit about it, though. I'm nearly 25. Even if I was financially independent though, I would not be able to handle living all alone with my depression and all. When did/when do you want to move out? Hopefully when I have a stable job and long-term relationship. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Are you better at catching or throwing? Probably throwing. I can't catch for shit. Do you ever play computer games? Just WoW nowadays. Did you used to have a lunchbox? Yeah, I went through a few. How often do you/did you bring your lunch to school? Whenever I didn't like what was on the menu. And mind you, I was and still am very picky. What was/is your favorite school lunch? I think the chicken sandwiches. When was the last time you wore a hat? What kind of hat was it? Oh yikes, who on Earth knows. It has to have been years. Maybe a Carolina Hurricanes one to a hockey game I went to with Dad. I don't really wear hats. Have you ever tried to ghost hunt? If so, did you catch anything? No. Do you prefer gold or silver? What about diamonds or pearls? Earrings or bracelets? Necklace or rings? Or are you not a jewelry person? Gold; diamonds; earrings; rings (I think). I don't care all that much about jewelry, though. Have you ever made jewelry? Not really, just kiddy crafts stuff. Do you have any unique hobbies? Meerkat RP. Have you ever broken a window? If so, what with? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever had surgery? If so, what on? Yeah. I had tubes put in my ears as a kid, and I had a cyst removed from... directly above my ass lmaoooo. Pilonidal cysts are awesome. Do you know any boys named Ashley or Lesley or Lynn? I don't believe so. Do you prefer coffee or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate, for sure. Do you like green tea? Tea is gross. Do you like to play Freecell? What about Hearts? Or Mahjong? I only know Mahjong, and I've never played that. I used to watch Mom play it on the computer as a kid, though. Idr the rules. Does your family own guns? No. Have you ever been given flowers? Were they from a relative or someone special? Both. Have you ever ridden on a motorcycle? No, and I doubt I will. I'm not like... really scared of them, as a matter of fact they seem really fun, they're just too risky for my liking. Have you ever seen a dead body? At an open-casket wake, yes. What does your umbrella look like? It's just an ordinary black one. Is anyone you know pregnant? HOLY FUCK, I think 90% of my Facebook friends are preggo. It seems like EVERYONE is expecting. Ha, one of my closest friends is legit pregnant with triplets after JUST having a son... She's in for a ride. Does your family do reunion gatherings? No, we're too spread out. What would you order to drink if you were in a bar right now? A strawberry sangria sounds pretty great. When was the last time you had a first kiss? I'm guessing you mean like, my first kiss with the last person I was with? A few summers ago when we were out on the porch making s'mores and dancing like some cheesy fucks lmao. How many homes have you ever lived in? If you don't count the apartment I wasn't an official resident of or staying with a friend for a month due to homelessness, we just moved into our fifth. Or sixth. It's too early when I'm taking this for math. Have you ever donated money to charity? Yeah. What’s your favourite type of exercise? Swimming. How many jobs have you had? Three or four... I'm not even sure because they were so incredibly short because fuck me and my anxiety, right? Who do you stalk the most through Facebook? Nobody. Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? No. Write the first song that pops into your head: Well, I'm listening to "Freak On a Leash" right now. Has anything interesting come for you in the mail lately, besides bills? Nah. What is your main responsibility each day? Making sure my cat has food, water, and a clean litterbox. Do you feel like you fulfill those responsibilities? Yeah. I've slacked on the box before on bad mental health days where I can barely force myself to do anything, but I'm usually on top of it. Were you in the wrong during your last argument with someone? I don't recall what my last argument was. I think something w/ Mom. What bands did you used to love, that you don’t listen to much anymore? Hm. It's pretty rare I leave behind bands I've LOVED, so. Are you counting down to anything? tomorrow crihmus When was the last time you used spray paint? Oh, I have no idea. Maybe for an art project in HS? What color are the chairs at your kitchen table? Brown. Have you ever or do you plan on donating to any charities? Which ones? I've donated to some you would like pass by in the store if I had some spare coins or dollars on me, and when I cut my hair to as short as it is now, I donated it all to Children With Hair Loss. One of my most cherished memories is getting the certificate that it was used. I'm sure there's more, especially for school, but idr them. I 110% want to donate to charity streams when I have my own income source. Do you believe that life only gets harder or easier? I mean, this depends on your unique life. Do you know the middle name of the last person you kissed? Hm. I don't think Girt has a middle name, and I don't think Tyler ever told me because he was embarrassed by it. I know Sara's. Have you ever had sex with 2 different people in the same week? No. Who is the friendliest person you know? Probably my friend Girt. Last song you listened to? "Milk and Cookies" by Melanie Martinez is on rn. Something that annoys you about summer: Just ONE thing???? Just about everything does. The only thing I enjoy is all the flowers. Well hell, that's even mostly a spring thing. It's mostly just... plain green in the summer. At least here. Too hot for damn flowers to survive. Something that annoys you about winter: The fact that if it snows here, we get barely anything at all. e_e Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? Side by side. When was the last time you burned a body part other than your hands/fingers? I actually just burned the roof of my mouth yesterday. If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? Nope. What’s one food that you eat more than twice a week? Definitely some form of bread. Do you like zombie movies? No opinion, really. What's the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom? UGH. This one time I was in the bathroom with Colleen (it's a girl thing lmao) at a gas station, she did what she normally does and checks under the seat, aND IT WAS COVERED IN BLOOD. It was fucking disgusting. What’s the most wasteful thing you regularly do? Ugh... use plastic bags when disposing of Roman's "business" in the litterbox. I feel absolutely awful using one every other day. If I wait any longer than that, Mom gets mad. What’s the most difficult apology you’ve ever had to give? Probably to Jason via that letter. That honestly wasn't that difficult after having fully accepted I fucked up too, though. I don't generally find it hard to apologize when I know I was wrong. Have you ever volunteered in a hospital? If not, would you ever want to? Fuck no. They depress the hell out of me. What was your worst Halloween costume? Idk, I don't remember almost any of mine. When was the first time you can remember feeling mature? When I checked into the doctor by myself. Yes, I know how sad that is at nearly 25. Have you ever had a disappointing Christmas, or any disappointing holiday if you don’t celebrate Christmas? As a kid, there was just one where I was disappointed in what I got. SO fucking ungrateful looking back on that shit. I can't even imagine feeling anything like that now. I cherish Christmas deeply, especially now with nieces and a nephew who experience such joy at Christmastime, and I get to see my dad and his wife and stepson, too. At this age, it truly is about family to me. Do you have any character bandaids in your house right now, or just plain ones? I think we may have some princess ones and some "boy" kind for if the kids are ever over. AKA never because their dad is far more concerned about only including his family in their lives. I don't think Ryder's ever even visited our house, and he's like, four years old. My sister's husband's parents live directly down their road, but still. It hurts Mom and I a lot that we don't seem to matter when it comes to visiting *us*. Have you ever had to give a pet away? Yeah, plenty of times with our old cat nest. What's the junkiest junk food you’ve ever eaten? I dunno, probably something at Disney as a kid. Did you play pretend a lot as a child? Were there any recurring plots or themes? Yeah. I had my "good guys" - a family of alligators, deer (um they were married and had kids don't ask me, man), and some Pokemon figurines - and three big dinos that were the "bad guys." How do you feel about runny egg yolks? Egg yolk is fucking repulsive. The one and only way it's going down my throat is in scrambled eggs. Has a teacher ever tried to teach you something that was undeniably wrong? Not that I remember. If for some reason you had to give up one of your hobbies, which would you choose? I dunno, I have so few already... Maybe World of Warcraft? I almost quit it recently anyway because I was bored and yet it took up so much of my time, but it'd be hard now with a new expansion having just come out with soooo much to do. Man... I dunno. Have you ever hidden a relationship from your family? No. How much do you know about first aid? No more than the average joe, really. Which of your relatives do you know the least about? Sadly, probably my dad's oldest daughter. I know only two things about her with certainty. Have you ever meditated? If so, did it do anything for you? Yes, and all it does is make me fidgety and lets me think too much. When was the last time you got ice cream from a truck? Hm... maybe when I was at a beach when I was on vacation with a friend? I was like, a pre-teen then though, so it's been forever. Do you know any sex workers? If so, how do they feel about their job? Not that I'm aware of. And honestly, I have mixed feelings, but I think I lean more towards it being just fine so long as boundaries are set and there are very clear understandings with each other. And you ABSOLUTELY need to be safe about it. I'd far rather people get off with a consenting individual than in... y'know, other ways. It's not my business, anyway. What’s the biggest art project you’ve ever attempted? How did it go? In high school, I did a huge acrylic painting on burlap of meerkats grooming. I am to this day still so proud of it; I worked so hard on it. I love how the fur came out, especially. I do wish I could do over the background, though. What kind of wild animals do you see most frequently where you live? Excluding the obvious birds, there are tons of squirrels, and you see opossum and racoon roadkill a lot, tragically... Every now and then, you'll see deer in fields in the morning or dusk. Have you ever cooked anything other than s’mores over a fire? Yeah, hot dog.s Are there any items in your house that you use for something other than its intended purpose? I'm positive there's something. Probably everyone has an example. OH! Looking in just my room, Venus' terrarium has saran wrap covering the top to help keep humidity in. What do you hope the afterlife is like? Really, I go back and forth between hoping it's like... this state of nirvana and where you reunite with loved ones and experience infinite peace if deserved, or just the entire lack of existence anymore. I wonder sometimes if I'd want to be sentient forever. But, with me believing in a spirit realm, I don't think the latter is the case. What’s the worst behavior you’ve ever seen from a child? I think I once saw a kid smack their parent's arm or something? I don't really know. Have you ever planned an act of revenge? "No, but i daydream about it." <<<< Ha, yeah, I have. Do you and your parents share any of the same hobbies? Yeah. Mom surprised me when she told me she likes writing (even though I never see her do it), and Dad likes video games. Do you have any physical photo albums? Yes. Would you feel comfortable working at a sex shop? NOPE. Who was the worst friend you ever had? It's funny, Colleen did incredible things for me, but she also fits this description, too... Have you ever campaigned for a political candidate, or otherwise played an active role in an election? I mean, I voted, does that count? What’s the coolest hand-me-down you’ve ever gotten? What about the best one you’ve ever given? I have no idea. Do your parents and grandparents get along with each other? Dad got along perfectly fine with his parents, but my mom and her mother had a rocky history. Grammy treated her awfully sometimes. They'd been fine for many, many years, but Mom could never forget some things and always felt like she wasn't "good enough" in her eyes. I'm pretty sure Mom got along just fine with her dad. Do you have any framed photos of your pet(s)? Yes. Do you share photos of your pet(s) on social media? Um, duh. In 3 words, describe the last male you talked to. Who WAS the last guy I talked to... Do you own any of your favorite films on DVD? Which one(s)? No. Have you watched anything on Netflix lately? No. The last thing I did on Netflix was watch the first episode of The Witcher, and even though I liked it, I didn't continue. I just... don't enjoy watching TV, especially if it really requires you to pay attention. Have you ever heard someone snoring and thought it sounded cute? Besides animals, no. Are you particular about what you eat? In what way(s)? Yeah, I'm VERY picky, especially with textures. Is anyone close to you particular about what they eat? In what way(s)? Yes, my niece. She's autistic and has the symptom of being incredibly picky with things like textures, too. She is the one child I have ever known that doesn't really like eating. Is there someone in your life who can always make you smile? Always, no. Have you worn lipstick at any time recently? What color? No. I last wore black forever ago just to take pictures. Do you like wearing eyeshadow to match the color of your clothes? No; in the very rare instance I put on makeup, the eyeshadow is always black. What song reminds you of your childhood? Jesse McCartney songs, for sure. And Backstreet Boys. What’s your least favorite month? Maybe August. I'm sick and beyond tired of summer by that point. Nothing exciting going on. What do you do when you’re bored in class and not paying attention to the teacher? When I was in school, I honestly always paid attention because I wanted to pass. Have you ever baked a pie? No. Last person you shared food with? Mom. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Definitely not. Were you smiling in the last picture taken of you? I don't think so, if that witchy photoshoot was the last time I had a pic taken of me. Do you answer the phones at your job? I did at two old jobs. Were you a hyper or mellow kid? I was kinda hyper. What are you drinking? Would you believe me if I answered "water"????? Did you get any compliments today? No. What last made you laugh? I think a moment in a WoW stream I was watching last night. Which of your friends is the easiest to talk to? Sara. What was your best summer ever? /shrug Do you have a favourite sibling? No. What color is the blanket/quilt on your bed? Navy and black. Favorite milkshake flavour? Just chocolate. Sometimes I'm in the mood for vanilla, though. Best year of your life? 2017. It's funny how that year started with a suicide attempt but wound up being the best year of my life. NEVER hestitate to reach out for help when you need it. How loud do you like your music in the car? Too loud lmao. Prefer to write or read? Write. Favourite apps? Pokemon GO, haha. What is a fruit you refuse to eat? Absolutely refuse? Maybe like, cantaloupe. Would you rather gain weight or lose weight? It'd to fuckin fantastic if I could lose 100 pounds. :^) I gained like thirty since moving... Would you rather gain height or lose height? Gain a tiny bit, I guess? But I'm fine with where I'm at. Are both your eyes the same color? Yes. Do you like glittery things? Yes, but not touching them and getting glitter everywhere. Ever watched a play in the theatre? Yes, at Disney World and also for school field trips. How many followers do you have on instagram? A depressing amount for someone desperately trying to be a photographer lmaooo. I mean I don't post on it a lot, so that doesn't help, but yeah. My secondary photography account (for roadkill/vulture culture stuff) has more than my main one. How about twitter? Don't use it. How much would I have to pay you to get you to do karaoke? I don't know, I'd be terrified of embarrassing myself. Last time you went ice skating? Never. Painting or drawing? Drawing, by far. Art or science? Now that's tough, but art. Dancing or singing? Dancing. History or geography? Geography is interesting. Favourite season? Autumn. Do you watch Supernatural? I did up to the end of Season 6. I loved it, I just was losing interest in TV, and also Jason and I broke up (we always watched it together) so I didn't want to watch something triggering memories. If you could change your eye color would you? Yes, to either a pure sapphire blue or emerald green. Are both your ears pierced? Yes. Are you lying down? Yes. Is there a tv in your room? No. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving? Yeah. Do you like fortune cookies? Yeah, they're oddly tasty. Do you have anxiety? You fuckin bet I do. Favorite clothing shop? RebelsMarket. How do you feel about peeing in a cup at the hospital? Is it embarrassing? No? It's too normal to be embarrassing. I mean I wrap toilet paper around it so you don't actually see, y'know, but I'm not embarrassed carrying that. Do you prefer fruit or vegetables? Fruit, by a long shot. What do you hate being called? "Bee." An old best friend who did nothing but lie about her entire life called me that. What color is the last car you were in? White. Ever studied abroad? No. Ever pulled out a tooth? Yeah, when I was a kid. Three celebrity crushes? Mark Fischbach, Link Neal, Hannah Hart. Ever been married? No. Are you proud of yourself? In most ways, no. Do you like grapes? Yep. How often do you cook for your family? Never. Is anyone in your family a lawyer? My cousin is, actually. Is anyone in your family an architect? Don't think so. Own any crystals? No. Favourite thing to write with? (pen, pencil, highlighter) Pencil. Top 5 favourite alcoholic drinks? I don't know, I haven't tried enough that I actually enjoy. Would you date someone bald? Yeah. Would you date someone who doesn’t want kids? I don't want kids either, so that's the only kind of person I'd date. That's something you can't really disagree on if you plan on lasting. Do you like candles? Sure. Favorite memory with a sibling? I dunno, probably something from when we were little kids playing together.

[vaguely-concerned]

Mass Effect: Annihilation thoughts

TL;DR I fucking LOVED IT, a balm to my heart after struggling through Nexus Uprising! Also canonical lesbians! The sweetest quarian & his badass grandma! Elcor Hamlet except this time it’ll make you cry!!! 

- Aaaaaah the audiobook reader is Tom Taylorson (so male Ryder)!! Fryda Wolf (female Ryder) read the two others and did a nice job, but man I’m soft for his voice in a way only rivaled by (...outside-of-Overwatch!)Jennifer Hale and Nicholas Boulton haha. He also has a much better handle on the pronunciations and voices for the different alien species -- delightful, I’m still cackling over his pitch perfect elcor impersonation. (Bioware please give him more Scott Ryder to voice I miss my son)

- I’m only about half an hour in and this is already SO much better than Nexus Uprising, it really does feel like a brave new galaxy haha. Very funny, very warm and smart and engaging in how it does its characterization and Valente clearly has affection for the setting and the universe, she and Jemisin both do incredible jobs with these. 

- I’m fucking crying laughing at this cross-species near-brawl over a flower arrangement, god I love Mass Effect SO MUCH (what a neat idea though. something blooming quietly even when no one can see it. impractical as hell and hilariously including a high-nutrition celery now, but still neat)

Taylorson continues to wonderful things with the voices, that volus suit sound is so good. (he’s just generally really good at comedy) also a volus bellowing insults ‘moments before punching an anti-bouquet batarian in the groin’ sdafhjklsahfsjadkhfklajshdfkjlsadhf

- a high as a kite elcor... what a time to be alive, to get to read this book

I have already reached the ‘I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS BAR’ stage with these characters, hard boiled drell detective lady and sweet sweet quarian first officer and manically enthusiastic elcor doctor TOT I would die for any one of you!!!

- The quarian/multispecies ark was built for long-term habitation, potentially over multiple generations. So what you’re telling me is that the quarians are the only ones who fucking thought this through and the rest of the Initiative probably should have listened to the people who’ve essentially been living on arks for ages. Who’d’ve thunk huh lol. (I guess the in-universe explanation is that people like the mysterious benefactor just wanted those arks yeeted to Andromeda ASAP, no time to get fancy in case the Reapers changed up their schedule. Fair enough)

- ;n; petition to let senna have a SAM pls (also uh. how happy do you think the stringently anti-AI quarian pathfinder will be when he finds out about everyone else’s SAMs lol lol lol he’s going to PASS OUT FROM RAGE upon meeting ryder. well he sounds like an asshole, I hope he dies so senna gets a chance)  

- I can’t BELIEVE yorrik is an anti-stratfordianist, i am betRAYED! disgraceful, how can I still love you knowing this (and yet I do he is extremely funny and sweet)!!! (at least his theory is that this so-called ‘shakespeare’ was actually an elcor, which makes it better somehow lol. anything so long as he’s not an oxfordian tbh)

senna and yorrik’s friendship is so good and wholesome 

- I really love the consistent alien POVs in this book, mass effect should indulge in this more -- everyone loves this universe so much, bioware, stop making us squint through a human lense to look at it!!  

- oh of course quarian ‘pirates’ exist, the people who’re thrown out of the fleet must be doing something huh. 

- haven’t written that many notes in a while just because I’m enjoying myself so much, I keep forgetting 

- lfsdkhfsajkldhfskadjhfsjakdfhsdkjfh communist volus!!!! this is not a drill, communist volus! I am completely and utterly charmed by this entire book

- the quarian ancestor VI is so interesting and weirdly touching. senna is adorable (and relatably neurotic lol)

grandma AI smoking T___________T I love everything about this, she’s so cool. the worldbuilding being done around pre-geth revolution rannoch here... exquisite 

- way to make me cry about batarians cat valente ;_______;

- the voice acting is SO FUCKING GOOD! I keep forgetting it’s one dude reading all these characters haha, I caught myself wanting to look up who voiced this dying batarian. (special shoutout that he does so many wonderfully distinct and specific female voices!) 

- haHA I KNEW the quarian VI was a full AI (or near enough that it makes little difference tbh)!!! this fabulous grandma was self aware the entire time b i t c h e s !!!!

- the running joke of borbala’s ‘you need ______? I can make _______ happen’ is SO satisfying hahaha

ooooooh serious femslash vibes!!!! initially I thought batarian ex-crime matriarch was too old for drell PI, but this is undeniable. (I don’t think we actually ever get to know how old annex is, anyway, come to think of it) I guess if asari get to be five times older than everyone else and still fuck freely this isn’t really that weird lol

- “don’t look! it’s not so bad if you don’t look!” ofhsdalfhskldlsfjas oh senna baby boy 

hey qetsi? qetsi both senna and I love grandma liat more than you. stand the fuck down 

- NOOOO GRANDMA LIAT ;______________________________________;

- do you think SAM could meet liat (either ship!liat or just grandma!liat).... and have... a friend ;_________; (a cool laidback friend who isn’t a murderous angaran ai who might very well go the murder suicide sort of friendship route lol) 

anyway I miss SAM a lot and love him??

- yorrik noooooooooooo this is awful everything is bad and terrible I love all of them so much why must senna be sad and watch everything he loves fade away 😭😭😭

“Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood/Clean from my hand?” He realized he’d forgotten to preface the words with an emotion. Now they wouldn’t understand what he meant.

Oh. Oh what a way to drive home the sadness and loneliness of this moment f u c k  (and again the emotion taylorson brings to it jesus cHRIST) 

I’m destroyed over how much senna and yorrik love each other, cross species found family out here wrecking my heart in true mass effect style 

- yorrik is such a great character though. he’d be so easy to make a one-note joke character (like most elcor have been in canon lbr), but there’s nuance and depth and just enough satsifyingly believable alienness there. (I love the staunch elcor ‘you can’t call anything love that hasn’t lasted at least two centuries’ perspective haha) his memories of his childhood and disappointment with his profession and everything... goodnight sweet prince indeed :(

- they went and made elcor hamlet heartbreaking how dare they 

(to be real for a second I think some of the human culture references are a little bit clunky, but the elcor hamlet stuff is perfect. contextualizing a throwaway joke from the original trilogy and giving it emotional depth, helping us see it from the elcor perspective and how frustrating and lonely it is to be so fundamentally not emotionally understood or seen on a level most of the other races are, despite their other differences, even though you have all these feelings and want to communicate... its very good.)   

fun additional fact: both mordin and yorrik have played/wanted to play polonius in a production of hamlet! though I guess mordin is the slightly problematic fave in that duo and yorrik is a sweet melancholic angel who has never done anything wrong in his life, I would say protect him but I guess it’s too late for that D:  

- qetsi giving off some real ophelia vibes here, I wish yorrik was here to see it, he’s the only one who’d properly appreciate it despite it all

- I. am. SO FUCKING HUNGRY for more mass effect after this (well even more so than usual) I’m so hyped!! I love this universe so much! I want a new andromeda game with senna as quarian pathfinder and grandma liat as the ship’s AI and see how they interact with ryder and SAM! (honestly though I feel like senna might be the one who’d translate the most cleanly into a game, I think there’s a lot of potential in him that’s barely being realized towards the end there with his deep righteous rage cutting through his uncertainty. also I just want nice things for him. is that so much to ask. he is a good boy, yorrik was so right.)

- aaaah not just femslash vibes, canonical lesbians, this is not a drill! I can’t wait until they propose... ‘we get shit done together, want to be in good cop/bad cop with me until the day we die y/n?’  

- the ME universe doesn’t feel quite itself without all these ‘background’ species hanging around, I suddenly realize. I dream of an Andromeda sequel with all of them on the board and in play again Y-------Y 

- potential Liat and SAM dynamics are so fucking interesting though! if she becomes/is confirmed as a full AI (all I hope and dream of), you’ll have two artificial intelligences with such different starting points but not that dissimilar goals? Liat was an organic person once who’s looking out for her family even now, and SAM is completely artificial but also intimately tied to and protecting His People. (and pulling a whole lot of symbolic weight re: the strength of familial/interpersonal relationships to boot; he’s the best way alec ryder managed to connect with his children. even though he was dead. because as established alec ryder was a disaster of a person)  

- I enjoyed the loose murder mystery structure of this quite a lot, but that might also be because nexus uprising is so shapeless and meandering by comparison that I’d be relieved by anything else (sorry I’ll stop ragging on NU soon it just. took some hours of my life I can’t get back)  

- jemisin did great stuff for characters already in andromeda (cora, SAM, alec ryder) and valente made me remember just why I love this universe so much and desperately want these aspects brought to andromeda too... and now I’ve exhausted all the fresh mass effect content I had available to me and will sit here consumed with lust for the rest of the time it takes for a new game to be announced thank you and goodbye  

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever sold anything online either on Craigslist, eBay, Amazon, etc.? If not, what is your website of choice like any of the above for buying things? No, I’ve never sold anything. I like shopping on Amazon, Etsy, and Ebay as far as those kinds of websites go. If the opportunity arose, would you ever go to a nude beach? Do you think you’d be comfortable enough, being naked among others like that? Absolutely not. I’m not comfortable naked, and I most definitely wouldn’t be naked in public. I’m waaaaaay too self-conscious. I don’t even wear bikinis or any kind of swimsuit. I also have no interest in seeing other people naked. You do you, boo, but it’s not my thing.  What was the last book you read? What about the book drew you to want to read it (plot, title, cover…)? Did you end up liking it? I recently finished a trilogy (The Jack Ryder Mystery Series). Well, what I thought was a trilogy but I discovered there’s actually 3 more. I’m about to start the 4th. I read a few other books by the author and enjoyed them and the description of the first book caught my interest. I was hooked after the first one and had to keep going to see what happened. Have you ever considered keeping a dream journal? If you have one, have you ever looked back on it at all of the odd/interesting dreams you used to have? I thought about it before, but I’ve never done it. I very rarely remember my dreams. I generally forget them soon after I wake up or just remember random bits of it. Do you think regifting is cheap, or is it okay? Have you ever regifted before? I mean, I’ve been given gifts that weren’t really my thing, but I knew someone else would really enjoy them so I gave it to them. I’ll tell them, though. I’ll be like, “Hey, so I got this but I already have it/it’s not really my thing, personally, but I know you like them so I thought you might be interested” or something like that.

How often do you wash your hair? What do you think when you hear of some people not washing their hair for weeks at a time? Is it healthier, as they claim? I wash my hair 3-4 times a week. Weeks would be too long, but I think a few times a week is fine. I also dye my hair, so it’s best not to wash it too often.  Do you think President Obama should stay in office, or is it time for a new president? It’s time for our current president to be out of office. In general, do you like/get along with your mother’s or your father’s side of the family more? I get along well with both sides. Have you ever seen an animal give birth? Have you ever had a pet give birth before? Not in person, no. What do your plans usually consist of on Christmas morning? Are they the same this year? We get up early and sit in the living room while my brother passes out the presents and then when they’ve all been passed out we start opening them. We like showing each other what we got as we go. When we’re done, we mess around with some of the stuff for awhile. Christmastime this year is going to be weird given how this year has been. :( Do you like iPads/tablets or laptops more? E-readers or books? Laptops. I do a lot of my reading on the Kindle app on my phone, honestly. I have access to tons of books and it’s just really convenient. If you don’t get much snow where you live, do you wish you did get more snow? If you do get snow where you live, do you get a lot? Do you like snow? It doesn’t snow here at all, but I wish it did. If men could get pregnant too, would abortion still be as big an issue as it is? Yes. It’s still abortion and people have strong opinions about it.  What is something you want to try to accomplish within the next year? I don’t know. Have you ever had to “come out” to your parents about anything (sexual orientation, change in religion, etc.)? How did it go? No. Do you ever get drunk by yourself? No. I don’t drink. Has there ever been a time where you’ve forgotten something extremely important? Yeah. What’s the most unusual kind of pizza you’ve ever tried? Nothing unusual. If you were given the chance to decorate an entire house the way you wanted, with no limit to cost, how would you decorate it? I don’t have the creativity for that. Like, I’d have some ideas and certain things I’d definitely want to have, but I wouldn’t know how to go about decorating an entire house.  If you could have any kind of lava lamp, what kind would you have? Nah. What movie do you know by heart? There’s several. Has there ever been a time where you thought you were going to be great friends with someone, but it just never happened? Yes. What’s one of your favorite things to touch/feel? Something soft or furry, like my faux fur throw blanket. How often do you wear tights? I haven’t worn tights in years. I wear leggings everyday, though. If you had to choose, what’s the most important thing in your life at the moment? My faith, family, and health. Do you have Netflix? Yep. Has there ever been anything you’ve become interested in much later than other people? Yeah. Like with TV shows or movies, for example. Why is your favorite TV show your favorite? I have a lot of favorite TV shows. Describe your favorite picture of yourself, or post it. My baby photos. Is there a genre of music that some people would be surprised that you enjoy? I don’t think so. Assuming you have a Facebook, if one of your friends posted things that annoyed you, would you be more likely to delete them as a friend, hide their statuses, or just put up with it? I’d just hide their posts. I think you can like “mute” people or something like that on Facebook. Have you ever had a veggie burger? I had one once several years ago. Do you like candles? I wish I were into them cause they’re aesthetically pleasing and relaxing, but I’m not. What’s your favorite video game? Mario Bros everythijng. What was something you liked about today? It’s only 4:43 in the morning. Ask me later. When was the last time you passed out? Never. Do you think “friends with benefits” relationships could ever possibly work without anyone getting hurt? Not from my experience and many stories I’ve heard from other people. Someone catches feelings or you’re not on the same page and someone/both get hurt. It’s just too messy. Do you wear more sweatshirts or jackets? Sweatshirts. What was the last thing you had to drink? Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink. When was the last time you wore a sports bra? Never. When was the last time you went to a waterpark? I don’t do waterparks.  Does your best friend live close to you? My best friend is my mom, who I live with. Have you ever rode a train? Nope. Where did you get the shirt you’re currently wearing? The UC I went to. When was the last time you played Rock Band? With whom? I’ve never played Rock Band, but I loved playing Guitar Hero back in the day. I want to play! What was the last thing that you ate? Ramen. Who last messaged you on Facebook? My aunt. What were you doing Saturday at 1:30 pm? Sleeping. The last time you were intoxicated, what were you drinking? I think it was Jack and Coke. It was 7 yeas ago, so *shrug* Who last walked you home? When I was 19-early 20s I had a friend who lived like 10-15 minutes away walking distance and she and I walked around a lot to nearby coffeeshops and restaurants before she got her license. And to each other’s houses. Anyway, there were times she walked me home. What do you do to help your face from breaking out? I don’t do anything, honestly. Thankfully, acne just stopped being an issue for me when I got older. Apart from a couple pimples every now and then. Did you make any new friends lately? If so, what are their names and how did you meet them? Nope. Would you rather see your favourite band/artist in concert with 2 other people or have a free $20,000 shopping spree to Walmart? I’d take the concert for sure. I haven’t been to one in over 10 years, I miss concerts! Who knows when we’ll have any concerts again now. :( When was the last time you went out to eat? Back in early February. On a scale of 1-10, how anxious are you currently? At this current moment, like a 4. What kind of music do you listen to? I like variety. Various genres and artists across decades. What does your perfect day consist of? A day at the beach. Do you have any online friends? We have an awesome little survey community on here. I read your survey answers and I root for you. I want the best for you guys.  Would you dye your hair red? I do. I’ve been dyeing my hair red for 5 years. If your ex wanted to take you back, would you say yes? Nope. How is the weather? Right now it’s 57 F.

[7deadlycinderellas]

if the summer of lives could just come again, ch24

AO3 link

 Dragonstone

Tyrion doesn’t have the most extensive experience with queens. When the ruling monarch's consort for half of your life has been the sister who despises you, one learns to take even that experience with a grain of salt.

So, to say he’s apprehensive about meeting this so-called Dragon Queen, is putting it lightly.

“Any word from King’s Landing as of late?” he asks Varys one day when they’re still waiting about the castle. The keep had been nearly deserted when the pair had made the journey. Stannis had taken a number of his men, and his wife as well, when he sailed north.

And many more of them had been pulled away, Tyrion learned, when the men from the Iron Islands had begun attacking Storm’s End. Despite their feud, Tyrion knew Stannis would consider it his duty to aid his brother’s men.

Now the only people who remain at Dragonstone are the beleaguered castellan and a handful of household servants. These people hadn’t even spared Tyrion and Varys a second glance when they had arrived. It was nearly perfect.

“Word is that our queen has given birth to a healthy baby boy. She has named him Gerold. The smallfolk have taken to calling her Good Queen Margaery, and her child the golden cub.”

Tyrion nods. It’s a good pick. Suitably kingly and honoring a Lannister remembered as clever and fair. There were too few of those lately.

“Do we have any idea of what our impending visitor will mean for her?”

Varys’s expression is solemn.

“One would not expect good things to come to a regent when someone who feels they have a birthright to the throne returns. “Usurper” is the word I would expect to hear thrown around.”

Tyrion takes a deep breath. Varys’s assessment is indeed accurate.

“Whatever our dear queen’s cunning ambitions leading her to the throne, I must say her rule has been nothing but benevolent for nearly everyone. She shouldn’t be held responsible for the present or future behavior of her husband or his hand.”

“Do you think she will be?”

Varys smiles, though a bit uncertain.

“Our queen is a clever woman indeed, though I do hope she’s not too clever by half. There are many stories that have made it across the narrow sea about Danaerys Targaryan, Mother of Dragons. One tells that she had a husband and child, both of whom were lost to her. Others say that she believes herself to be barren.”

Tyrion is shocked by that. Targaryan or not, a royal needed heirs.

“If I was still an advisor to the queen, I would suggest her best course of action would be to throw herself on the Dragon Queen’s mercy and hope they can find some common ground. “

That might be best. As hard as she worked to put herself on the throne, Tyrion can’t imagine Margaery giving it up easily. This is what he’s still thinking about when the wind begins to change, and he sees movement on the horizon over the water.

Tyrion is awash as the creatures come towards land out of the mists. The stories could never do dragons justice. His imagination as a child had not been enough.

But his eyes are soon drawn away from the figures circling the skies. He doesn’t even catch a glimpse of their rider.

He’s been distracted by the small fleet of ships on the bay below her.

“Are...are those Ironborn ships?” he asks Varys.

Varys’s eyes are actually uncertain.

“It appears they are. Perhaps this story will have a few more complications than expected.

 Winterfell

Robb, his siblings all muse, is quite possibly one of the only men in all of Westeros, who could go into a holding facility for a group considered ‘savages’ and come out with a politically advantageous betrothal.

They at least had notice, Ned having sent a raven with the news, before they returned so the rest of the Starks could react.

The woman in question was named Val, she was Mance Ryder’s goodsister. Her own sister and goodbrother had been killed in one of the assaults on Castle Black, but her and a small group had managed to flee south, when they had been captured at the Last Hearth.

We know they don’t give her any kind of importance to her position, Ned writes them. They chose Mance to lead them, they didn’t choose her. Despite this, they do listen to what she says, and they seem to think we’ll lend her some kind of weight to her family connection. They think the alliance will mean more to us because of it.

 I’ve spoken to Robb alone, he’s fine with this choice. He hopes she will get along with her as well. This could play a huge role when the rest of the seven kingdoms find out about the Free Folk coming south of the wall.

This is the first thing that’s come there way that has genuinely shocked any of them.

Arya asks Bran if he remembered anything about Val from before.

Bran frowns before answering “Not much really. She was blonde, fought with a dagger. She and Dalla were both killed when Stannis’s men ambushed Mance’s camp following the assault on Castle Black.”

Arya’s face is curious, a combination of concerned and apprehensive.

“She better be worthy of him.”

Robb and Ned are still a few weeks from returning to Winterfell, so there’s not much to do but continue shoring up the weapon and armor stores, prepare the shipments of both to other holdfasts and continue training.

This particular morning, however, Arya doesn’t feel much like doing anything. So when most of the others are in the training yard practicing, she sits on one of the walkways looking down at them.

After a bit, Meera comes and sits beside her.

“Need a break too?”

Arya nods.

“Sansa and Mother should be getting home later today. Thought I’d save my energy. “

Arya’s face looks pensive and after a moment, Meera asks.

“Are you worried about your brother’s marriage?”

After a bit, Arya nods.

“Robb getting married before led to disaster. He must have known it was wrong, marrying someone else when he was betrothed to a Frey. Betrothed for a fucking bridge. I was too, but I didn’t know that for years later, after I’d slaughtered House Frey.”

Arya suddenly shifts, and she wonders if Meera had ever been told that particular bit of her background.

If she hadn’t been told, her face doesn’t show it.

“If you’re expecting horror from me, you’re not going to get it. The Freys have been nothing but a thorn in my house’s side for generations. I’m actually a little bitter they’re alive again.”

Well at least there’s that, Arya thinks.

“This, an arranged betrothal to someone he’s barely met for the sake of a politically necessary alliance, regardless if he was twice my age or a brute or we hated each other...this was the sort of thing I always thought was the future for me, and that it was set in stone. That’s what I grew up thinking marriage was.”

Meera purses her lips.

“I always meant to ask what it was that made you change your mind about wanting to marry. Everyone here seems to think you had basically sworn to never do it.”

Arya laughs. It’s so strange in retrospect.

“Honestly? When I was traveling north to return to Winterfell, I ran across a couple of Lannister soldiers. I was frightened at first- I’ve seen first hand how soldiers often treat vulnerable women- but they were kind. Shared their fire and their food with me. And one them- he kept going on about his wife at home. Told me about how they were expecting a child, and how he wanted a girl. And it- after everything? It sounded so nice. Peaceful. So different from what I always thought it would be and also nothing like the songs of romance Sansa loved. Being able to marry without worrying about politics must be one of the nice things about being lowborn.”

Meera’s lips quirk into a small smile.

“I was always a little frightened of marrying myself. Not that I was worried about being sold off like you- no one bothers making political alliances with the crannogmen.”

“There are a few minor houses in the Neck aren’t they?” Arya asks her. She never spent much time paying attention in lessons, and Jojen and Meera don’t talk too much about the other people from their home.

Meera nods.

“We can’t just marry within them though, or we’d all be Targaryans by now. My mother isn’t of noble blood- I’ve seen how my parents’ marriage was written down. ‘Jyana of the crannogmen’.”

Arya files that little bit of knowledge away. She should ask Meera to tell Gendry that. Maybe they might even be able to meet her someday when this is all over. All these years and he still occasionally got attacks of insecurity because of his birth.

“But I had been raised that my duty was the carry on our house line, so I knew I would have to marry eventually.”

She makes a face.

“Even though it was more likely I would have known the boy I would end up marrying since childhood, there was also always a chance I would have spent my whole life thinking he was a shithead. And while I didn’t really think I would ever be forced to do it, I knew I might have been pressured...especially if Jojen died young like many people seemed to think he would. I was sixteen when we left Greywater Watch before, and I thought it was a blessing that I got to put the topic off for a little while.“

Arya thinks a bit before she asks her next question.

“When did you realize you and Bran were, I mean- you’re nearly as much older than him as Gendry is than me.”

Meera smirks.

“More actually, nearly six years. Gendry and I have had a couple of conversations on this very topic - the two of us are actually only a couple of moons apart.”

She blinks a bit, lost in the past before continuing.

“I’m pretty sure Bran was taken with me pretty early. Your brother wears his heart on his sleeve, he’s not good at hiding things like that. I tried to ignore it, because he was so young, and I was sure his interest would fade. But then time went on and we both got older and it didn’t seem like our age should matter as much as it did before.”

She blinks again, and Arya wonders if she’s blinking away tears.

“After we fled, I pulled him until I couldn’t. He didn’t even wake up from the visions until I couldn’t run anymore. My legs felt like jelly and I could barely feel my feet at all. I fell and tried to get back up and then fell again. When I couldn’t do anything else, and I was certain we were going to die, I wanted to kiss him senseless. “

Meera’s eyes stare off, faraway, but she’s got a tiny smile as well.

“And then when your uncle saved us, it didn’t go away. I thought that maybe when we made it back south things between us would...it seems like such a damned joke. That when I finally began to return his feelings, he no longer cared.”

Wiping her face and sniffing, Meera is suddenly desperate to change the subject.

“I hope your uncle can make it back from the wall. He saved our lives, before, he deserves some happiness too.”

Their conversation is broken by the sound of a horn announcing an arrival.

Arya pulls herself to her feet.

“That must be Mother and Sansa.”

It’s not even been a whole turn of the moon, but seeing both of them again is fantastic. Even with both bits of news they have to break.

Sansa looks as disquieted by the news of Robb’s impending marriage as Arya had been. Catelyn merely nods, acknowledging that it really was time Robb found himself a wife anyway.

It’s after she leaves that Arya reaches for Sansa’s arm and holds her tight as she grits her teeth and mutters.

“Robb’s entire future could hinge on this. If he- if she...I wish I had realized before what a bunch of bullshit the idea of marrying for the greater good is.”

Arya squeezes her arm. She’d always disliked the idea, but Sansa had first hand knowledge for how the resentment and anger these bonds caused could fester and grow and spill over. How they could transform into deceit and underhandedness and backstabbing. These could threaten the safety of the realm far more than by having one that was not united. As much as she could pray that this marriage worked out, she looked at every such possibility and wondered if it would breed another Cersei.

But when Arya tells her that the Wall had been breached by Others, than with nary a word, Sansa is all business again.

“Is Ser Davos at Winterfell now?” she asks.

Arya nods, a little confused. She follows Sansa up to the little study in between all of the Stark children’s chambers. This was where the Septa had given the girls their lessons, and before, where Old Nan had kept an eye on them when they couldn’t be wandering about. Arya hadn’t spent much time in this room in years.

“What are you-” she asks as Sansa rummages through one of the desks. She removes a letter she had stashed away.

“Lord Tyrion sent me a contact to reach out to near Castle Cerwyn which could provide us with wildfire to use against the Others. It won’t be safe to use it once they get past the wall, so I should seek them out as soon as possible.”

Arya’s eyes go wide.

“Wildfire doesn’t go out easily,” Sansa muses, “Even detonated over the ocean, it still burned, burned nearly all of Stannis’s fleet...I don’t think even the worst of winter blizzards will do much to its effects. I won’t risk the destruction of our home by burning it on this side of the wall.”

That’s what Sansa thinks on when she goes to Davos that night and before they prepare to leave in the morning. She sees the image in her head still of the strangely beautiful green flames, peeking in through the windows of the Red Keep. She also remembers the fighting men set on fire by it running, diving in the sea, trying desperately to put it out, screaming as they burned to death.

She thinks this is what causes the haunted look on Ser Davos’s face when they mount their horses and set out the next morning.

“I’m glad Stannis is at the wall,” Sansa tells him. “There’s not a lot of men I would trust with such a deadly weapon. Too many of the Night’s Watch have spent too long thinking that the Free Folk are the only enemy they are meant to be guarding us against. And they have been trained to not even think of them as humans- they might not think that it’s abominable to use such a weapon against something living. I believe Stannis does understand that.”

As long as Stannis doesn’t get stuck on something involving fire again, that is.

Castle Cerwyn is less than a day’s ride in good weather, but in the snow they barely make it by nightfall.

The guards who lead them to the guest house, Sansa recognizes, as Free Folk. They seem at ease too, but are both wary of her and Davos. Sansa wracks her mind, trying to remember if she’d heard any particular complaints from this holdfast about the decree regarding them. She can’t. House Cerwyn had suffered greatly under the thumb of the Boltons before the Long Night, and had barely been able to send any men to fight at all.

They go out early the next morning in search of the name in the letter.

To say he is strange is an understatement.

He is extremely old, older than the oldest men Sansa can recall meeting. He walks with a hunchback and his voice as a strange quality that makes Sansa think perhaps he has suffered some injury or illness of the throat in his time.

Or, she thinks looking about his workshop, perhaps he drank some concoction he shouldn’t have.

Wisdom Othlelle keeps looking at her out of the corner of one eye and muttering. She sticks close to Davos for more than a few reasons.

She also notices a few young men coming in and out of the shop and files them away in her mind.

When Othlelle inquires as to why they require the substance, Sansa plainly says.

“So I guess you haven’t been hearing any stories of enemies of the north with a particular weakness to fire.”

Sansa and Davos pay him for his services, and he directs one of the younger men to prepare the shipment.

Sansa looks him square in the eye.

“And there won’t be any funny business with the transport. It will only go to the wall, and only be passed into the hands of Stannis Baratheon. I can’t imagine the Alchemist’s guild would think too highly of you training acolytes unofficially this far north.”

He seems taken aback by her tone, so Sansa hopes it’s enough for her words to make an impact.

With that taken care of, Sansa and Davos mount their horses again and take off, hoping it’s still early enough to make it home by the end of the day.

When they’re riding, the wind comes by quickly enough that Sansa wonders at the look on Davos’s face. He’s been moving slower lately, she’s begun to notice the lines in his face more. It’s mostly hidden by his cloak, but she thinks she sees a glimpse of-

When they stop to water the horses, she finally asks.

“You look as tired as the rest of us are. Do you ever think about going home?”

His face is guarded still, but there’s a flicker that makes Sansa think she’s right. She reaches out to touch him on the shoulder.

“It’s fine. You’ve done so much already. You helped get Gendry out of King’s Landing, you’ve spent all these years helping us evacuate the Free Folk to the south. You’re the one doing most of the coordinating with the other houses, not Robb. “

“How am I supposed to go south when I know what’s coming?” he responds, sounding slightly desperate.”How can I go be with my own family when I know I could be stopping someone else from losing theirs?”

Sansa shakes her head.  

“Talk to Father when he returns to Winterfell. You’re not technically in our service, you’re not beholden to any of us-”

“I’m beholden to you all far more than nearly anyone else in all of the realm.”

“And your wife and sons need you. You got them all back, you should spend every moment you possibly can with them, because they might not get you back again.”

Davos’s face falters, and Sansa decides not to push.

“Like I said, we’re getting to the brink of war here, and you’re not a young man. Talk to Father.”

The horses are back at strength, so they remount and keep riding. The snow is blessedly light, and the sky remains bright.

They’re getting nearer to Winterfell, when Sansa’s horse spooks.

“What is it?” she asks her, but only gets a ‘neigh!’ in answer. She tries to spur her on, but she balks. She turns her head to Davos, who’s own mount is acting strange too.

Sansa hears a noise she can’t place, so she halts the horse and draws her bow. She hears the noise again, and turns, trying to spot it’s direction.

Then the noise turns more familiar, it becomes a howl.

A howl that heralds a rush in the snow covered brambles and a light gray figure appearing.

Sansa sees Davos draw his own bow and has to shout, “Wait!”

She loosens her bow.

“Ghost?” she asks.

And watching his tail wag, she hears footsteps and more rustling.

She sees another wolf appear across a clearing, and then another.

And then a group of women.

Well, women, and one man.

Sansa lowers her bow completely.

“Jon?”

She’d recognize the face anywhere. She remembers seeing it for the first time in nearly as many years before.

She hastily stumbles off her horse and throws herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Sansa?” he asks her, sounding confused. “What are you doing out here?”

She pulls back to look at him, and then to look at the other women with him.

They’re a motley bunch, dressed in ragged furs and carrying a strange assembly of weapons. And then Sansa spots one of the women, who’s huddling into herself and pale, and feels a pang of familiarity.

“Gilly?”

The girls looks confused at her words, and Sansa steps back.

“This is Ser Davos of House Seaworth. We were just finishing up some business before heading back-  you’re all on the way to Winterfell right?”

Davos has already rushed forward to shake Jon’s hand firmly, with a bigger smile than Sansa’s seen in ages. Jon mostly looks dazed.

“It’s good to see you again, Jon Snow,” Davos turns his attention to the women. “And you too ladies. May I ask your names?”

All of them answer, one by one. The last one is standing nearest Jon, holding a young boy on her shoulders. She looks up and says, “I’m Ygritte.”

Sansa can’t keep her hands off her face, and Davos’s similarly lets loose a noise of shock.

There’s a flash on the other woman’s face and Sansa suddenly wonders if she knows, what she knows.

“How far away are we from Winterfell?” Jon asks.

“Not too far. I can probably take one more person on my horse.”

“Take Gilly,” Henneh insists, “She’s still sick.”

“We haven’t had any issues with bandits-”

“I don’t think they will be a problem,” another voice says. Sansa squints and spies a small figure with an oddly shaped face.

“Sansa, this is Rowan. She’s the last of the children of the forest.”

Sansa smiles. Perhaps she should be more shocked.

“It’s getting a bit late,” she tells them all, helping Gilly onto her horse in front of her, “Maybe we should continue this conversation on the road.”

The road, even with the snow, is far less intimidating with such a group. Jon walks beside Sansa and Gilly. He reaches up and touches her quiver.

“You have a bow now?”

Sansa grins.

“Lots of things have changed since we’ve seen you. I have a bow, Arya has a husband, Robb has a betrothed, she’s a wildling too.”

As they get closer, she reaches down and touches Jon on the shoulder.

“I think you should try and talk to Mother if you can. Father told her the truth...and I think it really shook her up.”

Jon’s eyes go dark, and so Sansa gives him a pat.

“Like I said, lots of things have changed. It’s okay if you have changed too.”

[victubia]

I have decided to end the Victubia comic [Please read <3]

I have decided to end the Victubia comic. Please let me explain why.

As some of you know (those of you who has been a part of this from the start), Victubia started as a simple wallpaper project for some of the YouTubers that I loved at the time.

I was unemployed for long periods of time, and depression and anxiety hung all over me. There were times when I didn’t want to get out of bed because I had no good reason to do so. My confidence in myself and my abilities was at rock bottom… but then I started watching youtube.

And I suddenly had a small (but fun) reason to get up and do something. It gave a reason to laugh and smile. Victubia mixed a lot of things I liked at the time, and eventually, I came up with a story set in this universe, staring the YouTubers.

Victubia started as a motion comic, but when I realized it took me way too long to create each chapter, I made the decision to make Victubia into a regular comic.

The Victubia comic has been going on for almost 3 years. And it has been 3 amazing years!!

Before I continue, I wanna thank all of you who’s been part of this journey!! It’s literally meant the world to me, and it gave me back some self-worth and creativity when I hardly felt anything.

So why am I ending it? Well, there’s a lot of reasons, and in a way… I’m not ending the story here. Let me explain.

The last year or so I’ve had thoughts about ending the comic. It came sneaking up on me, but I kept pushing it back down. I didn’t wanna accept the fact that I wasn’t as happy drawing the comic anymore. And more than anything I didn’t want to disappoint the fans and readers of the comic!

You guys have ALWAYS been the reason I kept going! This project started because of the YouTubers, as a thank you for brightening my days, but it continued because of you who read the comic and was invested in the world!

In an attempt to make the comic a bit more fun for me to draw, I tried to work in more original characters (Alma, Edrea Stern, Ryder, Porter etc), because I love making original characters and I felt that they fleshed out the story in a lot of good ways. But I quickly noticed that the interest for original characters in this story (unless it’s a villain) is pretty small and that most people only cared for the YouTubers.

Which OF COURSE isn’t strange at all! This comic is about YouTubers after all! But I couldn’t deny that there became a rift between what I wanted to do with the comic, and what my readers wanted to read.

While I still had a lot of fun with the comic, I felt less and less joy working on this project, which I guess also got reflected in the fandom, because there were fewer and fewer people interested in Victubia. Less fanart and fics, and fewer people going to my art streams or talking in the discord. And you know, that’s okay <3 As someone who’s been in a lot of different fandoms for the last 15 years, I know that fandoms come and go. Interest fade and you move on to something else. I know that’s the reality of it, but let me tell you, it was a bit difficult to come to terms with this when it’s your own fandom, haha! But I HAVE come to terms with it, and the bitter feeling I used to feel is mostly gone.

Another reason is that drawing comics inspired by real people is never a good idea. Part of me knew that going into this project, but I was just too naive and too ignorant to accept it. People change. Relationships and friendships change. And that will always be a difficult thing to adapt to when making a comic about real people. And as much as I still love a lot of YouTubers, I don’t always agree with them (as is the case for most people), but I don’t always wanna feel that I endorse them. Even if I state my own opinions, actions speak louder than words, and the fact that I make a fan comic speaks volumes in a way I don’t want it to. Victubia was always supposed to be a fun and silly fan project, but because the characters are inspired by real people, it’s bound to get difficult at times. And that made the project become filled with anxiety at times, and it really wasn’t good for my mental health. I felt almost trapped in this project at times.

I also don’t want to be known as the woman “who only draws YouTubers”. Which leads me to my next reason to stop the comic;

I want to do more things.

Victubia takes up a lot of my time most days when I’m not working on my part-time job as a preschool teacher or work with freelance jobs, leaving me with almost no free time.

And as a creative, it really brings you down after a while.

I almost never draw anything for myself anymore, not even sketches. I have so many things I want to study! I have so many amazing original things I want to draw, and also fan art. And I have a lot of other projects I wish to make a reality.

I wish to take more freelance jobs and commissions! I want to make my own children's book series! I have an original comic project that I’m dying to spend more time on!

But time is limited.

Looking over my story notes I’ve slowly realized that the Victubia comic would take YEARS to complete, and that’s just too much for me to spend on a fan comic.

“Are we never gonna find out what happened in the story?”

I don't wanna leave you guys hanging, and despite the fact that the comic is ending, I’m still gonna share the complete story with you guys, as I’ve decided to post the rest of the Victubia comic story in script format.

Doing story scripts takes MUCH less time for me to write (compared to drawing the comic), and you guys will still get the whole story. It’s still a story I wish to tell.

I’m going over and writing it as we speak, and it will be released in parts. How many I can’t say just yet.

“So what happens to the Patreon?”

I will still keep my Patreon, but it will transition into a Patreon for most of my creative work.

The Victubia scripts will still be posted on Patreon first before they reach the rest of the public. And I still have a few things I want to post (like a Late Night Bar map).

But eventually, I want to fill the Patreon with original art and fanart, studies, blog posts and sketch requests, to name a few. I will explain more when the time comes.

If you are signed up to my patreon for Victubia only, I totally understand if you want to cancel your subscription. I won’t hold it against you! <3

I will, of course, be eternally happy if you stick around and see the changes that will happen <3

“So is the Victubia Party over now??”

Not for me at least! XD

Honestly, I’m not ready to give up this universe, because I still love this world and all the characters that have been made for it. My own and others and I don’t see a reason to end Victubia as a whole because the comic ended.

The world of Victubia is bigger than the comic, and if people still wanna visit it, it’s always open! <3

I will still create Victubia related work even after the comic script is done, but it will be work I truly want to work with <3

Lastly, I wanna thank so many people! I want to thank all the fantastic people who've been in the fandom for so long! Some of you joined from the very start and made this community so warm, creative and welcoming! All of you who created your own characters and stories and art inside this universe! You are also the reason I kept going with this project in the first place, and without your love and enthusiasm for this project, it would have stopped as a “wallpaper project”.

I want to thank all my lovely, amazing and wonderful Patrons, new and old, who helped make a dream come true and let me work on a project that is so dear to my heart!! Without you, Victubia would have ended a long time ago! <3

Despite the ups and downs, I am SO PROUD of the fact that this project has managed to inspire so many people to draw and write and just be creative in general! <3 It’s so beautiful! I’m also so damn proud that this community brought together so many people, and that people found friends for life, and even love! Many years into the future I hope people can think back on this project and the community with joy. <3

I wanna give a warm and grateful thanks to Vini and Felix for putting so much work into the Victubia Wiki! <3 Thank you for all the time, energy and passion!

I wanna thank all the YouTubers who appreciated this project! You are forever Victubia royalty! <3

Finally, I wanna thank my AMAZING MODS! Old and current!

Who has supported me through it all, and who gave so much of their time and energy to this project! I can never thank you guys enough! You are truly amazing people, and I’m so thankful that you wanted to be a part of this for so long. Asa, Mishy, Jo, Raz, Panda, and Arc... I’m so grateful I can call you guys friends! <3

The last final and very special thanks is to Raz, who not only was my biggest supporter from the start but who became someone so dear to me, someone, that I want to spend the rest of my life together with! <3 Raz, you’ve given so much to the Victubia world that I consider it yours too! So many wonderful stories and characters that always inspired me to create more! Your love and support brought me out of my worst moments and kept me going even when I didn’t think I could. I love you so much and I’m so glad this project brought us together! <3

If you read until the end, you deserve a medal! XD Thank you so much for your time!

If you have any questions or opinions you can leave them in the ask box on Tumblr or send me a message on discord. I will try to answer as many as I can <3

Be on the lookout for the Victubia scripts, and thank you once again for making this something truly special <3

I love you all!

[kenshi-vakarian7]

MERweek2019 - Day 5 - Extreme Emotions

Event hosted by @cactuarkitty with fanfic prompts by @vorchagirl

Prompt - Write about a moment when emotions between your characters became a little extreme. Did their relationship become stressed? Did things get hot? Did loves almost break up? Drama, angst, smut, fluff - everything is on the table!

I can’t believe it took me over two years to FINALLY write my version of the High Noon mission.  After seeing this particular prompt, I figured now was the time to get it out there.  Honestly, I don’t think it really holds a candle to all the other amazing versions I’ve read, but I do hope you enjoy it regardless!

Also, please note that I DO NOT hate Sloane... it’s just how the story is since it’s written in the perspective of my Pathfinder, Kira Ryder.

---

“Untimely Grief”

“Ready, princess?”

Pathfinder Kira Ryder didn't usually let things get under her skin, especially things that would be considered petty and low.  Sloane Kelly's condescending tone with those words should've been one of them... and yet the words struck her as though those she was stabbed with a knife right through the gut.

Kira knew exactly why.  Had it been any other noun, it would've been so much easier to deal with.  Hell, even being called a bitch would've sufficed.

But no... it just had to be 'Princess.'  It had been years since called anyone ever called her that... more specifically, her late father.  

The noun jogged old memories Kira hadn't thought about since before leaving the Milky Way for the Andromeda galaxy – memories of simpler times of her childhood where Alec Ryder was an attache on the Citadel; how she looked up to him as her hero, who was proud of even her smallest achievements, and who wasn't as distant as he would become the older she got.  He was the reason she wanted to join the military.

She couldn't remember when he stopped calling her Princess, but she did remember realizing that he hadn't called her that for a long time at around thirteen-years-old.  And somehow, at that moment, the realization hurt more than it should've.  Between that, and the emotional distance he created, Kira eventually grew to resent her father.  It was easy to deal with while she attended Arcturus Academy in her high school years and, later, as an Alliance soldier since it meant not being around him all that much.  When she and the rest of the family were together, the most common companion at the dinner table was awkward silence.

It also didn't help when she and her brother Luke were discharged from the Alliance due to Alec's illegal AI research, nor the fact that neither of them could find a decent job in the aftermath.

After her mom died, it seemed to serve as a wake-up call of sorts for Alec.  It was only then, despite everything, that she and her father began to slowly mend the wounds that were left behind, and close the distance that was between them.  By the time they left for Andromeda, things still weren't perfect, but the mending process was still heading in the right direction.

They were barely in Andromeda when bad luck hit the family.  Not only was Luke in a coma due to a malfunction in his cryo pod after they hit the scourge, but Alec sacrificed himself to save Kira's and, for whatever reason, entrusted her his role as Pathfinder.  Since then, she had been constantly on the go with establishing outposts, dealing with the crummy half of Nexus leadership, maintaining morale for her crew, forming a trusting alliance with the angara, and trying everything possible to make sure that everyone who came to Andromeda didn't starve.

As she followed Sloane, the leader of the Outcasts, into one of the many hidden caves of Kadara, Kira realized that she never had the chance to mourn the loss of her father... and now she was forced to fight the floodgates that threatened to open and spill forth all the emotions she held in for months since his passing.

Of course this has to happen at the worst time, Kira thought as she struggled to get control of herself.  The last thing she needed was to break down right then and there, especially in front of Sloane.

She did manage to finally get a grip as soon as they reached an open space within the cave.  Kira focused on her surroundings... they were here because they were supposed to meet with the Charlatan, the leader of the Outcasts' rival gang, the Collective, to settle things once and for all.

Kira would be lying if she wasn't curious about who the Charlatan was.  After all, whoever they were, they seemed to have an interest in the Pathfinder despite never approaching her directly.  With the exception of her first day out in the Badlands, none of the Collective have tried to attack.  She later found out that they had orders not to harm her or her crew from one member with no reason given other than they were under the Charlatan’s orders.

Five seconds later, she figured out why...

“You look like you're waiting for someone,” a voice – a very familiar voice – spoke within the cave's shadows.

Kira turned her head to where the voice came from just as Reyes Vidal – a man she was slowly growing attached to since they met, with him introducing himself with the very same words he uttered moments ago - stepped out of the shadows and into the light. Seeing him standing there, a subtle frown on his face as he stared back at her, everything she knew about the Charlatan, the Collective, all the missions she and Reyes went on together suddenly fell together and made much more sense.

“Reyes?” Kira whispered, unable to hide the shock in her voice.

Sloane spoke up with disinterest, “I'm here for the Charlatan, not some third-rate smuggler.”

Kira glared at Sloane, who had her back turned to her, with a raised eyebrow.  She’s in denial.  She can’t be that stupid...  “They're one in the same,” Kira said.

“Surprise?” Reyes spoke up, his arms spread out at his sides as though he was emphasizing his reveal.

Between her whirlwind emotions from moments before, and now the shock of finding out who Reyes really was, Kira couldn't help but shake her head as, once more, she fought to get control of her emotions.  “So, did you really lie to me this whole time?”

Reyes didn't hesitate to reply.  “Not about everything.  You know who I really am.”

“Do I?” Kira couldn't help but ask with some contempt.

Sloane decided to get down to business, clearly not interested in their exchange .  “You said you wanted to settle things.  How?”

Reyes jumped down from the rock he was standing up before he faced Sloane.  “It's simple; a duel.  You and me, right now.  Winner takes Kadara Port.”

Kira's eyes widened in horror at his suggest.  A duel?!  She screamed in her head.  Reyes, what the hell are you thinking?!  Sloane's former Alliance military for crying out loud!

She wanted to shout these words to Reyes as panic began to set in.  Once more, she was forced to clamp down her emotions before she managed to calmly say to him, “You want to avoid war by shooting each other?”

“Two people shooting each other is better than a lot of people shooting each other,” Reyes reasoned.

Kira drew a quiet breath at that... knowing he was right.  This really was the best way to settle things between the two factions.  The rival between them was bloody enough as it was; worse for the innocent people who were caught in the middle of this gang war they wanted no part of.

“I'll take those terms,” Sloane accepted.

And then, they began to slowly circle each other, their hands close to their pistols.  Neither of them once took their eye off the other as they waited to see who would make the first move.  Kira stood in her spot, only able to watch what was unfolding in front of her.

Don’t die, Kira suddenly thought as she stared at Reyes.  Despite being mad about him keeping his secret from her, she knew he likely had his reasons.  It was irrational, she knew, but she didn’t care at this point.  All she cared about right now is that he survived the duel somehow.  I lost my Dad, and my brother is in a coma, and now I might lose y-

Her running thoughts suddenly stopped as she caught a glint within the cave's darkness.  Kira turned her attention to where it came from.  Despite the shadows, she was able to spot someone lying on their stomach watching what was unfolding in front of her.  She knew right away why they were there even before SAM mentioned it barely a second later.

Sniper, the AI alerted her through their private channel.  His sights are set on Sloane.

There was a split moment of relief; he wasn't there to kill Reyes... but she then realized that it was Reyes who brought the sniper here without Sloane's knowledge.  Instinctively, and for a couple of seconds, Kira thought about how wrong it was, how she can stop this duel right now.  She nearly took a step forward...

But then she stopped herself.  Looking at Sloane, Kira was reminded of all the horrible things she let happen here on Kadara.  The innocents who suffered under her rule, forcing them to pay protection before kicking them off into the unforgiving Badlands, not considering the needs of the angara who were here long before they arrived, among other things.

The Charlatan was not much better, but at the end of the day, they, no – he - her own feelings for him aside, was the lesser of two evils.

Kira also realized why a sniper was there to begin with. Sloane was former military.  Reyes was not.  It was a smart backup strategy on his part, as sneaky as it was...

With all that in mind, Kira didn't make another move...

The shot rang out and echoed against the cave walls. Sloane leaned forward as blood began to seep from her chest – right where her heart was – and she let out a pained gasped as she collapsed onto her knees.  Her eyes looked to Reyes, and then to the Pathfinder.  Kira read the single question in her shocked eyes – Why?

Kira, with her face neutral as she stared at Sloane, couldn't help her next thoughts.  I guess I'm not the 'princess' you thought I was...

And then, Sloane collapsed completely on her right side, her eyes closing as her life seeped from her.  As this happened, Kira was, once more, flooded with memories of her father and how he died to save her; memories of her brother who was currently in a coma on the Nexus with no way of knowing when he would wake up... if ever...

...And how she came close to losing Reyes today.

Kira didn't pay any attention as Reyes spoke to his sniper, who began to carry Sloane's body out of the cave to who knows where.  She didn't even realize that she fell to her knees and, suddenly, it was hard to breathe.  Barely grasping for her throat, she struggled to fully get air in her lungs.  She vaguely heard SAM say something, but she didn't catch what was said...

And then, someone pulled her to them and held her close...

Kira knew it was Reyes.  She should've been angry with him.  She should've been screaming and pushing him away, shouting to him about how he lied to her... but instead, she was tired. She was tired of the pressure that was on her shoulders, she was tired of fighting with the crummy side of Nexus leadership, she was tired of feeling alone in her struggle.  She nearly lost Reyes today, she wanted Luke to wake up already, and Dad, why did you have to die?!

The tears finally began to pour down her cheeks as she collapsed into Reyes's arms and sobbed into his shoulder.  Months of being on-the-go with no time to mourn her father, being worried about whether or not Luke would ever wake up, and now nearly losing the one person in Andromeda she come to deeply care for – it was too much to take, so much so that the vulnerability she dreaded to show to anyone was now out on the surface.

Kira wasn't sure how long she cried in Reyes's shoulder, venting out the mix of grief, pain, anger, and fear from her system. Eventually, the sobs subsided and she pulled back, though she didn't look at him right away.  A part of her wanted to bolt up and run away simply because she didn't want him to see her like this...

But she was tired... so damn tired...

Kira soon managed to pull away slightly to look Reyes in the eyes, despite knowing hers likely didn't look so great.  Looking at him, she was taken aback by what she saw – his lips were frowning, his eyes were dilated, and his eyebrows were furrowed.  It was all subtle, but she was able to read loud and clear that, whatever was running through his mind right now, he was frightened.

“Why didn't you trust me?” she ended up asking, her voice sounding more pitiful than she meant to.

Reyes reached a hand out to her face to wipe away the tears that stained her cheeks.  The features on his face seemed to turn less subtle and more clear.  Momentarily, he looked at the space that laid between them before he drew in a breath and gazed back up at her.

“I... wasn't sure what you would think,” Reyes finally said.  “I... liked the way you looked at me.  I was afraid that would change.”

It was Kira's turn to look between them.  She thought about the time they spent together ever since they met at Kralla's Song at the port.  It started out as them being nothing more than business partners, but the more time they were around each other, the more Kira... liked him, more than she had ever expected.  In fact, Reyes Vidal was the first person in Andromeda who made her feel normal and not just the Pathfinder.

“The thing about Reyes is that he always has a good reason.”  That was what Reyes's friend, Keema Dohrgun, said to her when they attended Sloane's party just a few weeks ago.  It was at the same party where they kissed for the first time – and where he let out a little of his own vulnerability over why he came to Andromeda in the first place.  To be someone...

She hadn't forgotten how soft his eyes would get when he thought she wasn't looking.  She hadn't forgotten the hopeful gaze he gave her after she kissed him in the storage room as a 'distraction.' And she certainly hadn't forgotten the way his voice growled in defense when his ex tried to involve her in their professional/personal dispute.  Even now, as she cried in his shoulder, he gently caressed her back and whispered in her ear in comfort despite her not catching what he was saying due to her not paying attention.

Kira wasn't thrilled about Reyes lying about who he was  she would’ve preferred being told the truth in the first place... but there was no denying that his actions, and the way he looked at her, told the truth about how he felt about her...

Thinking of all this, and with some caution about the future in mind, Kira made a decision... one that she knew she wouldn't hear the end of from her crew once they knew what happened here today.  But truthfully, she didn't care, because for one thing, she deeply cared for Reyes even before all this, and, well...

“Nothing's changed,” she finally said as she gazed back up at him.

His reaction was something to see, and it was almost like watching his mind process what she declared to him; there was a momentary shock in his eyes before he began to smile, almost in relief.  Then that same smile subtly transformed into something more... playful.

“You have bad taste in men,” he said, low and husky. He quickly closed the space between and pressed his lips to her, deep and yearning.  She returned the kiss with equal fervor just as they both held each other close, neither of them moving from the ground they sat on.

The kiss lasted a while until they were forced to stop in order to catch their breathes.  Kira moved to hug him closer, her face next to his.  “The worst,” she teased, her words whispered in his ear.

In response, Reyes kissed her once more, and she welcomed it.

[ryanmillermu]

Truth Hurts--Para

Who: Ryan Miller and @ohnotalec When: A few days after Emery and Ryder’s party Where: Alec’s frat house Triggers: mention of death, pregnancy, religion Note: interaction done over chatzy, continued from this post Summary: Ryan makes her way to Alec’s place with a favor in mind. Instead, Alec confronts her about her kiss with Noah, sending the couple into an intense argument.

***leaving the (predetermined) ending open ended to keep you all on edge, and to allow others to partake in the plot if interested***

Alec: Glancing at this laptop than Ryan, his mind pondered if this was really a conversation he'd wanted to have. He wasn't sure what he wanted from Ryan at this moment. "No Im not busy." Pursing his lips together he let out a drawn sigh. "So were you going to mention the whole Noah thing to me or did you think you making out with one of your drunk friends wasnt a big deal?" He shot his words at her as his eyes stared through he like daggers.

Ryan: She probably should've expected it. She and Noah had had the discussion. She knew Noah was going to confront Alec at some point. However, she'd maybe failed to realize how quickly he'd break the news to Alec. "Oh...he um...he told you." She stumbled over her words a bit, realizing then just how poor her plan to avoid the topic until Noah brought it up was. "Alec, I was going to tell you. I just wanted Noah to have the opportunity to get to you first. I didn't want to ruin your friendship with him. I wanted him to have the chance to explain himself that he was drunk and it had nothing to do with him having feelings for me."

Alec: Despite Ryan's attempts to explain, her actions had already done their damage. "No shit Ryan" squeezing the arm of his desk chair Alec what was going to come of this. There had to be a reason she would avoid the subject. "Let's be honest Ryan you weren't. You don't trust me enough to tell me. Or what I really think it is... You.... you have feelings for Noah. I don't know why else you would feel the need to fucking cover this shit up up Ryan." Gritting his teeth Alec's eyes shifted to the ground as his anger progressed into sadness.

Ryan: Ryan's eyes narrowed at his accusation. "You can't be serious right now." She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I'm not the one who kissed him! He kissed me! When he was drunk. I didn't kiss him back. It was over the minute it started. And honestly, there's no need for me to tell you because I didn't do anything!" She shook her head. "Not for nothing, Alec, but don't you think if I wanted to be with someone else I would've broken up with you a long time ago? Everyone tells me you're going to break my heart anyway. Don't you dare accuse me of having feelings for someone else," she stood up, clenching her fists. She saw a hint of sadness in Alec's expression and felt guilty for a moment, however, she was too far gone now. "You were right in being mad at me for not telling you. That was dumb. But how freaking could you act like I have feelings for him?"

Alec: Furrowing his eyebrows, Alec's mouth hung open. "And Noah had enough respect to tell me about it. If it didn't mean anything why wouldn't you tell me? If some drunk girl kissed me I would tell you. I think there's a reason you didn't tell me." Ryan's anger took him back, he'd never seen an ounce of rage come from the blonde. "No I think you would be too nervous to tell me so you would just stop talking to me. Let's be honest you can't do confrontation for shit." Throwing his arms up Alec groaned, "What the fuck does what anyone else says mean for any of this? If you had a genuine concern you wouldn't voice it." Not wanting speak up to Ryan, he got on his feet. "Because I just feel like something is up with you... with us."

Ryan: "I haven't stopped talking to you, Alec. I'm right here, am I not?" She pointed out. "Yes, I hate confrontation and it was really crappy for me to avoid it for as long as I did but how could you think that there was something up with us? We've met one another's families. I would've never took you home if you didn't mean something to me. I--" she lowered her voice, not wanting his brothers to hear. "I gave you my virginity!" Ryan reminded him. "I trust you completely, Alec. And it's going to be a really sad day if you try to tell me that you don't think I'm in love with you because I made a mistake. That...that really sucks," she furrowed her brows at him. "Something is up! But for freaking gosh sake, Alec, it's not that I have feelings for one of your best friends! Do I need to remind you that you slept with my best friend and I never questioned that? I never once accused you of having feelings for her--and you actually screwed her! I was trying to look out for your friendship with Noah! And ya know what, now Noah's mad at me too. So fine. What are you going to do? Break up with me? Because if that's what you're going to do, maybe it's /you/ who has feelings for someone else."

Alec: "Whatever" He spat out. "Why wouldn't you tell me? Because it's something so small and you never brought it up so don't I know you've kissed other guys and brushed it off as not meaning anything? You could of just introduced me so they know you weren't lying about having a boyfriend. Who knows. I think I mean something to you, I just don't know what that something is." Cocking his head to the side he just shrugged, the topic of sex had been bothering him but he pushed that feeling down for Ryan. "And you deny it. You don't have to keep your voice down, they know we have sex Ryan. " He stated not bothering to match Ryan's volume. "I think you think you love me. That's what I believe. " Of course Ryan had to bring up the RJ situation, despite her denial Alec knew it had to bother Ryan. "What's up? Tell me then. I slept with your best friend before I even met you. I'll admit at one point I had feelings for her and then I met you and I haven't given her a second look since. I wasn't mad at Noah, shit happens. I've had a drunk girl kiss me before and she felt awful about it the next day. Fuck this. What would you even do if I was in love with RJ or some shit like that? Would you leave me?"

Ryan: “I was planning to, Alec! I wasn’t going to keep it from you forever. I was going to give Noah the opportunity to first and I hadn’t realized he spoke to you already,” she insisted, though, she wasn’t sure he believed it or not. “Is that really what you think? You think after everything I’ve told you about my relationship that I would turn around and do that to you? Since when did you start thinking so little of me, Alec? And if you think all of this crap about me, why are you still with me?” She frowned. Ryan gave him a look when he loudly stated that the two had sex. “It’s no one else’s business! I made that clear to you from the very beginning it wasn’t something I wanted everyone to be gossiping about. You told me you respected that. If that changed, maybe you should’ve told me that. Clearly I’m not the only one keeping things to myself yet, here you are getting upset with me for it.” She argued. “Are you kidding me?” Her anger dissipated at his statement, shaking her head lightly. “You don’t think I actually love you?” When he pressed her to tell him what was going on, she shook her head, feeling overwhelmed by everything Alec had just said to her. As if she wasn’t already overwhelmed with the possibility of her carrying his child. “How is that fair? You’re not mad at Noah but you’re mad at me? Alec, it didn’t mean anything!” She continued to insist. At his hypothetical situation, her face fell. She knew what it was like to be with someone who lied about their fidelity. His sudden question brought her back to that. “Why does that even matter? Why would you even say that?” She shook her head. “Do you love /me/?”

Alec: "Alright Ryan." With everything that had just been said part of him wanted to forget he'd said anything to begin with. It was too late now. "I don't fucking know Ryan. Everyone tells me that you're too good for me and I'm so lucky to have you, and maybe you've been hearing the same thing. That could of just gotten to you. I don't think little of you in any way, but I'm just upset I didn't hear this from you." It hadn't surprised him that Ryan was offended with this, it had always seemed to be her concern but Alec had been tired of the lies. "I didn't tell them Ryan. These walls are thin and they know I have condoms. They are smart enough to put two and two together. I don't go around telling people we have sex, but if someone ask me if I'm sexually active I'm not going to tell them no." He said in a defensive tone. "I don't know. Sometimes I think you like the idea of love and so you just tell yourself that you love me."He admitted still curious as to what Ryan was keeping to herself. "No forget that. What is it you want to admit? The reason Noah and I are both made is because you went about things the wrong way most likely." By her face it was clear that he'd truly struck a nerve, her questions wasn't something he wanted to drive deeper into to. "Yes I love you Ryan. I wouldn't introduce you to my family if I didn't."

Ryan: "People say a lot of stuff that isn't true, Alec. None of them know you the way I do. But I guess maybe I don't know you either because it's starting to sound like you don't believe a word of what I say to you," she shook her head with a frown. "You're not unjustified in being upset about that. I should've told you and I should've gone about this whole thing differently and I'm sorry for that but that doesn't mean that you get to act like I don't love you. Or act like all of this means nothing to me because I made a mistake," she rubbed her forehead. "Then maybe you just don't fucking understand, Alec," Ryan snapped at him. "Screw you, Alec," she shook her head, reaching for her bag. "I've tried so hard with this. It's not fair that you get to tell me that I don't actually love you or that I introduced you to my family as some big production because I messed up. I make a mistake and suddenly I don't love you anymore?" She looked to him. "This is why I lie about everything and try to pretend everything's perfect. Because when I mess up, this is what happens. Everything just implodes. I was trying to do the right thing! I didn't want to mess things up with you and Noah and I didn't know what to do and--no--" she pushed him away from her. "Don't fucking touch me. You made it clear how you think of me, Alec. You made it really fucking clear." The blonde took a shaky breath. "You don't see a future with me, Alec. I know you don't so forget all of this. Fucking forget it," she mumbled, shaking her head and started towards his door.

Alec: Words failed Alec, his mouth stood open while Ryen expressed her anger. He wouldn't dare stop her rage, rather he admired it. Biting his lip he found himself getting turned on the more her temper progressed. His mind blanked until the blonde headed towards the door. Reaching out behind her,Alec took her hand. "I'm I am sorry. Im wrong and I know that but also angry you is incredibly hot. I know you hate me right now but if you want to take your anger physically out on me right now. I think we'd both benefit. "

Ryan: Ryan was partially relieved when she felt Alec reach for her hand. She was upset--they both were--but, she did love him. She didn't enjoy fighting with him. She didn't enjoy being angry. She certainly didn't want them to leave things on that note. When he apologized, her face softened. He hadn't been wrong. He'd been justified in being upset about the Noah situation. However, he'd definitely said some hurtful things. She opened her mouth to apologize, stopping herself when he went on. Realizing what he was suggesting, the blonde lost it. She burst into a fit of tears, all control of her emotions going out the window. "I'm not having sex with you!" She shouted at him, pushing him back once more. "I think I'm pregnant!"

Alec: In that moment his heart stopped. Their fight. His lust for Ryan. All that went out the window when he heard the word pregnant. Shaking his head slowly he looks back from her. "No! No no nope. You can't be pregnant. No no. Is this a joke because it's not funny. Have you taken a test? I'll go buy a test and Plan B right now. We-we can't have a kid Ryan. No." His eyes began to water as he faced his nightmare of potentially being a father. "What do you mean by think? "

Ryan: Ryan's saw the panic in Alec's expression, which only caused her to panic more. "No," she shook her head, sniffling as she tried to compose herself. "I didn't know what to do. I-I didn't want people to see me buying a test and know that..." she bit her lip, knowing that the extent she was going to to hide the fact that they were having sex would likely make him more angry. "I was going to ask you but I knew you were going to freak out. So I wanted to wait. I thought maybe I was just a little late or something. But then I never got my period. And then I freaked myself out by looking at the symptoms and convincing myself I have all of them I-I don't know what to do." She said softly. "You can't tell anyone about this, Alec."

Alec: Clenching his jaw Alec knew this moment required him to gather composure. "Okay ". Raking his hands through his hair his mind shuffled through all their sexual encounters,seeing if they'd ever failed to us a condom. "Okay, I'm going to go buy a test. We need to confirm if this is real or not. And then we can go from there okay? " it wasn't much of a question on his side but he wanted Ryan to feel supported in this process despite how he felt. "This is going to be okay"

Ryan: Ryan relaxed slightly when Alec did. “Fine,” she said softly, wiping her eyes again. “Just get me the test. You don’t have to take it with me. I’ll text you.” She mumbled, figuring he didn’t want to deal with it given how their night had gone so far.

Alec: Reaching over to his desk he handed Ryan a box of tissues. Part of him wondered why he'd let their fight progress this far. "I want to be here for you when you get the results... If you want me to be of course." He understood if Ryan didn't want him to be there. Part of Alec didn't want to wait and the other part of him wanted to be there for Ryan.

Ryan: Ryan grabbed the box of tissues from him, mumbling a quiet thank you as she wiped her eyes. “Why? You just told me you don’t even think I care about you? Don’t you think I’d rather just take it with Noah? Since I’m in love with him?” She gave Alec a look. “I just want to get this over with and go home.”

Alec: Leaning against his desk, he groaned out of annoyance "That's not what I said. And I don't think Noah would want to be there for the test. That seems more like a Lola thing." He answered meeting her eyes. "Okay, that works for me."

Ryan: “It’s exactly what you said, Alec,” she argued, taking a seat back on his bed. “I’m not telling Lola that I’m taking a pregnancy test,” she shook her head quickly. Although, she figured she might have to start telling people if the test was positive. But she wasn’t going to let her mind go there right now. “If I’m pregnant, are you going to leave me?”

Alec: Joining Ryan on the bed he allowed a comfortable distance between the two. "I don't think you love Noah. You may like him but not love him in that way." He reasoned, a lot of words he said earlier came out of spite and now it was biting him in the ass. "Okay. Im just saying you may want to talk to one of your friends about it. You dont talk about sex with RJ?" It was a bit off topic but that would release the tension. "No...wh-why would you say that? "

Ryan: Ryan let out a little sigh when Alec sat beside her. “He’s my friend, Alec. I like you.” She continued to insist. “No one else knows except for you.” She shook her head, before remembering who else she’d told. She knew it would only make things worse if she lied. “And Noah,” she added quietly, feeling guilty for that. Maybe she understood more now why Alec was a bit concerned. “Because I know you hate kids. And you just told me all of these doubts you’ve been having about me.” Ryan frowned. “‘My aunt and uncle probably wouldn’t talk to me. I wouldn’t have anyone to help me except you. Especially once everyone finds out I’ve been lying to them about sleeping with you. And then once they all inevitably find out me and your best friend kissed.”

Alec: "I know. I was just being stupid." He conceded. Of course Alec understood her concern, quite frankly if she was pregnant the next thing he would do is look for school to transfer too. There was no point in admitting that in case she wasn't with child. Ryan's next words stung, reaffirming everything he'd just felt. "Wow. You told Noah? Not RJ or Emery but Noah? Okay Ryan. " strumming his hands against his legs, Alec debated telling the truth but he knew nothing good would come out of that. "Yes but if I have kids im not going to abandon them. We both know what its like to grow up without a parent and im not subjecting my children to that. Ryan why does it matter to you so much if people know? Im not one for sharing what goes on in the bedroom if that's what you're worried about."

Ryan: Ryan felt relieved when Alec insisted he’d just been being stupid. It wasn’t because she wanted him to admit defeat. But, Alec had opened up to her quite a bit in their relationship. Having thought he believed she would betray him hurt her. She wanted him to feel confident in her feelings for him. “It would be kind of weird to tell RJ when she slept with the same guy,” she pointed out. “And I didn’t want to talk to Em about you after the two of you had your argument. I don’t know why I told him. I wish I hadn’t but, I don’t want to lie to you again. You should know that I told him. And I’m sorry for telling him,” she apologized. If Alec was going to admit his wrongdoings, it was only fair that she did the same. She felt reassured when he insisted that he didn’t have the intention of abandoning a child. As selfish as it was, Ryan wasn’t entirely concerned about him abandoning their possible baby, but rather, abandoning her. Ryan carefully reached for his hand. “Thank you for saying that, Alec,” she said quietly. “It’s not like that. It’s nothing to do with you or the fact that I’m sleeping with you specifically. It’s...I can’t risk it getting back to my church or my family. And I...it’s still hard for me to accept too. I love you. And I trust you. And we made the decision together. You never forced me or pressured me into anything. But, sometimes I feel guilty about it. And before I can openly talk about it to people, I want to try to deal with that.”

Alec: Moments like these made Alec question Ryan's judgement. Taking a moment Alec gathered his thoughts careful not to voice any opinions that would upset her. While he still believed if a boy was sly enough Ryan would end up in her bed, it would of course offend Ryan. "Ryan... I'm dating you. I think RJ is smart enough to realize we have sex. As often we spend the night at each others house, you really think RJ is ignorant to the house we are messing around?? Furrowing his eyebrows he shook his head. "So you won't tell Lola, Emery, RJ, or any of your other guy friends but you trust fucking Noah?" His tone growing slightly. "I understand you're sorry. But You get my concerns right? You claim to be best friends with all these other people. Then Noah kisses you and you only confide in Noah about the entire situation. Noah apparently the only person you can trust with this secret. And you told him BEFORE me. I-I don't know what to think of it."He answered honestly. he wasn't the type to be jealous but Ryan's relationship with Noah was something he wasn't really fond of. With the situation with Ryan maybe being pregnant, Alec just wanted to know the results. Squeezing Ryan's hand he smiled gentility. "It makes me feel awful knowing that you feel guilt that we have sex. I understand you're worried about it getting back to your family. But you deny it everyone which just makes it seem like your embarrassed about the entire thing. It makes me feel like I'm corrupting you. I don't like the fact that I'm supposed to lie to my friends about something I've never had to lie about before."

Ryan: “I don’t know. And even if she did ask, I would lie to her. And she trusts me so, I don’t know.” Ryan sighed, realizing now how bad of a situation she got herself in with her lie. When Alec asked her if she understood his concerns, as much as she hated to admit it, she nodded. She felt badly for putting Alec in a position where he felt like he was second to another guy in her life. “I realize now how bad it looks. But, I hope you can trust me when I tell you that Noah is just a good friend. I love you. And I’m sorry that I ever made you doubt that,” she looked to him, wanting to know how genuine her apology was. “Wait,” she furrowed her brows. “No, I didn’t tell him about thinking I was...pregnant,” she lowered her voice when she said the word. “I told him we were having sex. Not...no. No one knows about...this,” she shook her head quickly. She wanted to set that straight before it started another round of fighting. “I’m not embarrassed. Not of you. It just...no. You didn’t do anything. Nothing about it has to do with you. Its’s a personal problem and I’m sorry for how it’s affecting you. I’m sorry I’ve asked you to lie to your friends and my family and everyone for me. I am. I should’ve been more honest about how I was feeling. I just didn’t know how to bring it up without making you feel hurt.”

Alec: "But why lie Ryan? She's your best friend. It just seems like you're putting yourself in a position where everyone is going to find out. What are you going to say when they do?" Though Ryan was acknowledging her wrong doing, it didn't seem like she was going to change. All this seemed to do was acknowledge their unspoken feelings. "But what's going to change? Im never going to tell you who you can and can't hang out with but it makes me uneasy that you seem to trust Noah more than me. Maybe theres work to be done on my end, if so tell me what to do. Going forward he wanted to make things better when meant work on both their ends. His eyebrows furrowed mimicking Ryan, "why did you tell Noah we were having sex then? Okay, I guess im glad im the first to know about this." His eyes glanced at her stomach. "Ryan I know you feel bad but that doesnt change things. Im not going to tell my friends a blatant lie. I understand the fear but I don't understand the shame. I would propose we stop having sex but I probably wouldn't be okay with that. I just don't know what you want going forward "

Ryan: “I-I don’t know,” Ryan shook her head. She figured it was easier to just deny what was happening than accept what was going on. She had a tendency to push her problems away until she was forced to deal with them, however, usually, there was no solution by that point. “I don’t. You know so much more than Noah ever does or would. I told him that we needed to chill it with hanging out with one another because I don’t want you feeling the way you do right now. It’s not fair to you. That’s why he’s upset with me, I think,” she explained. “I needed to talk to someone,” she said softly. “And I couldn’t tell Lola after I’d lied to her for so long. And RJ has had a lot to deal with because of Ezra. Hadley’s been dealing with the Addison thing. Emery and you were kind of arguing. I guess...I thought he’d be less likely to make a big deal of it,” she shrugged. “You don’t understand the shame because you didn’t grow up learning how wrong sex before marriage is, Alec,” she said gently. “You don’t understand how disappointed my dad would be. And I know that’s my fault. But....that’s why,” the blonde bit her lip. At his words, she glanced up at him. “So, if we don’t have sex anymore, you wouldn’t want to be with me?”

Alec: Biting the inside of his cheek his mind ran through how to best handle all this entire ordeal. While it would be easier to just ignore that this situation ever happened, it would just raise tension. "You can hang out with Noah. If you and Noah hanging out makes you happy then don't stop." He reasoned, Ryan had enough going on and all he was doing was adding to it at the moment. "Everyone needs someone to talk to and if Noah's your person that's okay. I don't want you to feel isolated becuase I don't get along with them." While Alec didn't understand the shame Ryan went through via her family he went through his own shame. "That may be true but I can relate to it. When I was 13 I took dance classes and I remember it being all over magazines. I've read blogs about people's opinions of my family. Shit, when I went to my mom's funeral I had someone messaging me telling me that my mom deserved to die....I know what it's like to be shamed by those around you. " At her next questioned he simply shrugged, "I wouldn't break up with you, but we'd have to work something out I guess. Why?"

Ryan: "Noah's my friend. I like hanging out with him but, not at the expense of /your/ happiness," she shook her head. Of course she didn't want to choose between the two, and she knew Alec wouldn't make her, but, it was clear that her friendship with Noah wasn't helping things. She and Alec clearly had enough to worry about at the moment. She didn't need to create more complications for them. "I know. But, I'm sure I'd feel the same way if you were confiding in RJ. It wouldn't be a malicious thing but, it'd still be hard. I didn't think about it from your perspective. I should have," the blonde told him. When Alec began to tell her about the past events in his life, she tried not to show how surprised she was. It wasn't often that Alec opened up, so she knew him doing so took a lot of trust. "I'm sorry you went through that," she said softly, glancing over to him. "I never knew that. You always just kind of seemed so confident in yourself. I didn't realize you'd had to deal with similar stuff," Ryan shook her head. She hesitated, contemplating if she should speak further on the topic of their sex life but ultimately deciding against it. "No reason," she shook her head. "We um, can we just do the test now? I can't really think straight."

Alec: "It's not at my expense though. I don't want to impede on your happiness and it's not fair to ignore Noah becuase it may make me unhappy." He insisted if it had gotten out that Ryan wasn't allowed to hang out with Noah becuase of her boyfriend, Alec would look like a dick. "I guess that's the same. You weren't really confiding in Noah unless you were actually confiding in him. I think it may be better if you talk about things with your female friends, they'll be able to see things from your perspective better." If Ryan wanted sex advice he wasn't completely surprised she went to Noah, but it just felt wrong to him. "If there's something I need to work on in the bedroom you can just tell me." He threw into the conversation. It was easy to just close off the parts of his life to was painful to discuss, but he knew Ryan deserved to be let in. "Don't be sorry. It allowed me to grow a thick skin. And I am confident becuase I have to be. If I listened to what everyone thinks I should do or should be I would be stuck in a circle trying to please everyone. " That's what he had to tell himself growing up. "Yes of course" Standing up he grabbed his car keys. "Ready?"

Ryan: "It's more important to me that you don't feel like I'm going behind your back. I have plenty of other friends. Me and Noah...well, he has plenty of other friends too," she insisted. She hated the idea of creating an unnecessary problem for Alec. "Yeah...when I told Noah I lost my virginity, he asked if I meant my anal virginity. So, I'm not sure he understood completely," she shook her head. He'd definitely offered her good advice and did his best to comfort her but, she knew Alec was right. The friendship she had with Noah wasn't exactly the type she would normally go to for that sort of thing. She'd learned her lesson now. At his comment, Ryan's eyes widened. "What? No, that's not at all why I said anything to Noah," she quickly shook her head. "You...know exactly what you're doing," Ryan blushed at her confession. If anyone needed sex advice, she knew it was probably her. "You don't have to be though. You could be like me and just completely deflect anything that could possibly impede your self-esteem and end up in this exact scenario," she half joked. "I like that about you. Because I know a lot of people are tough on you and it's dumb because they don't know how you really are. Like how you are with me. People try to say crap without knowing anything about you and it isn't fair," she shook her head. It bothered her when people made comments about Alec. The guy she knew didn't give anyone reason to say what they did. Ryan stood when he did, shaking her head. "I mean, not really. How could I be?" She pointed out, knowing that Alec was likely just as nervous. They were in it together. "But putting it off isn't much fun so," she walked alongside him. "Um," she placed a hand on his arm, looking up to him. "I'm sorry I flipped out on you. I should've come to you right away when all of this started." She began. "Thank you for helping me and not just leaving me to do it all on my own."

Alec: "Now we talked about things I feel better. I just don't want you to neglect that friendship over me." He insisted. Burst out into laughter, given the tension of the night felt needed. "Oh my gosh. That's amazing. I understand why he asked that, do you get why he asked that?"A smile still crossed his lips. "Okay, I was just asking. I'm just glad to know you're happy on your end." He smirked his eyes rolled over Ryan. Ryan's words warmed his heart, "Thanks babe. You're sweet and care about everyone around you. I know sometimes people think that your nieve and childish. It doesn't take long to see through that. I'm not capable of that kindness. I have to have up these walls for a reason." His face softened, Ryan made it easy to talk about these types of things. "I've never been in this situation before so I'm nervous too, don't worry." He smiled at Ryan, he stayed calm though on the side his nerves were strung. Feeling her touch he looked down at Ryan, "I was being a dick you don't need to apologize. Plus I've learned seeing angry really turns me on. So you know if you're ever angry..." Taking her hand he smiled down at her. "You're welcome. I love you Ryan."

Ryan: "Me too. I should've just come to you about it all in the first place. We could've avoided a lot of this," she sighed, realizing her mistake. "Are you asking me if I know what that means? Because yes, Alec. I know what he meant by it," she rolled her eyes with a little smile. Despite the topic of conversation, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't relieved that they were in a position now where they could laugh together. "I just want your friendship with Noah to be okay too. I hope now that I've made it clear that there's nothing between us you two can work everything out," she said hopefully. After all, her concern for their friendship was part of what got the couple here. "Well, I might be a bit naive and childish but, I guess there are worse things I could be," she pointed out. "You are so capable of that kindness. You have been to me at least. Everyone kind of has their walls up about some things. Doesn't mean you're not nice," Ryan shrugged. "Me either. Obviously," she shook her head. "We were both kind of dicks." She reasoned. They'd both said and done stupid things during their fight. She was just relieved they were able to move past it. "I'm hoping I don't really get that angry again, Alec," she raised a brow at him. She took his hand. "I love you too. Whatever happens. And...whatever you want to do if..." she said softly.

[castleportmuses]

checking in.

WHO: rachel berry & mason mccarthy ( @mascnsmccarthy ) 

WHAT: rachel & mason exchange texts, catch up, and rachel hints at her next step.

WHEN: late june, post pride. (the 28th)

WHERE: between castleport and rock harbor.

Rachel: It's been a few weeks, and nothing from you. Interesting.

Mason: I’ve been busy. The summer production is coming up, after all. 

Rachel: I'm aware. I didn't realize you were planning to audition, though. Rachel: But perhaps you were preparing your monologue. Or is there something else occupying your time?

Mason: not only am I auditioning, but I’m also directing.  Mason: you of all people should know I’m multi-talented.  Mason: there’s nothing else. Aside from pride, of course.

Rachel: Yes, your ability to multi-task is an asset. Maybe not as of late, but I suppose Pride is as good a reason as any.  Rachel: Don't tell me you actually stayed in Castleport for that.

Mason: is that an insult I sense?  Mason: surely you know me better than that. I always follow through.  Mason: of course not. Well, not for the first one. I traveled to one of the biggest ones. The one in cport was just so I can flaunt around colorful flags in front of the teachers and neanderthals that gave me dirty looks for wearing makeup to school.

Rachel: Honesty, actually. You said it yourself, you've been distracted.  Rachel: Of course. It's simply laughable to think anything there could compare to a major city, especially New York's pride festivities, but I can understand needing a moment to shine.  Rachel: But speaking of follow through, I'll need that particular skill set of yours for something new. 

Mason: that’s where I went, actually. New York. Mason: and what exactly is this “something new”?

Rachel: Oh? That explains it. Rachel: Jesse St. James. I need you to take his tapes. I know he's been poking around and once again using my name for his vapid ambitions and I'd like to see just what he's been up to.

Mason: explains what? my distractions? [ a pause ] Mason: got it. get the tapes. he does seem rather interested in your disappearance. Mason: anything else?

Rachel: Yes.  I can understand getting caught up with all New York has to offer. And being in Castleport for an extended period of time would make a weekend anywhere else sound like a dream. Rachel: He's interested in anything that would make him seem less like the opportunistic hack he really is. But I have a plan. 

Mason: you can say that again. Remind me again why we didn’t stay in New York? Mason: what’s the plan?

Rachel: I ask that every day. Even with the psycho stalker. Rachel: He was very busy during Spring Fest, thanks to the hints I dropped. It's only fair everyone should see the footage before he exploits it for his gain. It's more than he ever did for me. Or Marley, for that matter.

Mason: and why haven’t we escaped and gone back? Mason: are we posting it?

Rachel: It wasn't always song and champagne, that's why. But still, miles better than our tacky little hometown. I wouldn't be opposed to going back. Perhaps when all this is over. Rachel: I can't give away all my surprises, Mase. You know that. Just the tapes for now. You leave the rest to me. You have your production, remember?

Mason: that sounds like a grand idea, Miss Berry. Mason: ugh. Okay, take all the fun. Am I bringing them to you?

Rachel: We can meet halfway, between here and Castleport. I could do with a little fresh air that doesn't reek of catch of the day. Rachel: You can dish more about this little vacation to New York.

Mason: got it. I’ll be on my way soon. Mason: honestly, there’s not much to tell.

Rachel: I always know I can count on you. Rachel: Really? Usually you're full of anecdotes. A stray observation about an unfortunate song choice, or comments on the party atmosphere. Not even noteworthy meeting with a cute stranger? Rachel: This is what happens when you go without me. Did your sister play wingwoman this time?

Mason: Honestly, it was one of the best times. There’ll always be poor party music that doesn’t live up to my standards, but the atmosphere killed it. Something about a bunch of horny, sweaty gays grinding against each other in bikinis and speedos in the middle of the street brings me joy. Mason: she actually didn’t come with me. It was more of a spur of the moment trip.

Rachel: That would certainly be the kind of vibe to lift anyone's spirits that's for sure. A shame I had to miss out, but I intend to see this through. Get my own joy. Rachel: Hmm. Well it sounds like it was for the best, either way.

Mason: I have no doubt that the fall of McKinley’s finest will be a lot more enjoyable than nyc pride. This only happens once, after all. Mason: while I’m snooping — is there anything else you’d like from jesse?

Rachel: A lifetime of split ends and a terrible review on his next hack project. But the tapes are enough for now.

Mason: if only I could do the split ends. His luscious locks need to be stopped.

Rachel: "Luscious"?

Mason: I can appreciate good hair when I see it.

Rachel: Even when it's attached to someone so utterly insufferable. Amazing.

Mason: oh come on. Mason: you can’t tell me you haven’t found one thing from a tormentor in high school that you found attractive.

Rachel: Jesse would be acceptable if he hadn't been so busy hogging the spotlight. Rachel: Santana could be pretty, if cheap and easy was in any way appealing. Quinn was beautiful, sure. But she was a nightmare. Rachel: Same with Bree. So not exactly. Rachel: Besides, my focus was Ryder, I didn't notice much else.

Mason: and look where that little ryder obsession got you. I told you he wasn’t good for you, Rach. Mason: but I agree. Mason: the only people truly tolerable and beautiful in that school was you and my sister.

Rachel: He's my first love, there will always be some feelings there for him. Rachel: But after everything... Rachel: I'll make sure he gets exactly what he deserves. Rachel: I'm happy to have made the list. You're a great friend, and an exceptional talent. It's a shame few people in that horrid place see that, but that's what New York is for.

Mason: speaking of which, have I mentioned how excited I am to give him a taste of his own medicine? Mason: of course you made the list. you can’t trust anyone in this town, but I can trust you two. Mason: should I keep an eye out for job listings in case we need to make an impromptu move?

Rachel: A few times, but I'm always glad to hear it. He still can't be bothered to keep it in his pants, chasing after Bree yet again. Rachel: Even after this last time when he told me--nevermind. It doesn't matter. He deserves it every bit of what I have planned for him. They all do. Rachel: I feel the same way. I know I can count on you. Rachel: Absolutely. I know you enjoy teaching but you deserve to be on a different stage. And after I finish with our former classmates, we're taking a much needed vacation and then, New York.

Mason: once a fuckboy, always a fuckboy. Mason: you deserve so much better than him. You deserve the world. Mason: god, I can’t wait. This town isn’t big enough for my ego, anyways.

Rachel: So true. He's more muscle than brains, and it shows. Rachel: You're a great friend to remind me of that. Rachel: Not to mention, watching Santana and Bree fight over my leftovers does give me a great deal of satisfaction. A silver lining. Rachel: Very soon, you and your fabulous ego will have all the space that a Manhattan apartment will allow. Rachel: I'm leaving right now. Meet you at our spot in 20.

Mason: it seems like they’ll forever be stuck in high school. Mason: got it. On my way. Be there soon.

[justanotherdumpingground]

Chapter Reviews: June 4-8, 2019

Wishful Thinking Chapter 9:

Man, that was mildly depressing to say the least, especially on the MC and Ellen bickering. At least there's Jaime and the pets to keep me company. Honestly, those three kept me from feeling down in this chapter. I didn't pick the premium option to be with Jaime, but I consider picking him as my LI, so it's likely I'll pick it, and all other scenes with him, in the future.

To be honest, I'm not "celebrating" Ellen getting fired despite how much of a jerk she is. In fact, what she said about the MC in a viper den comes off as ominous. As now-former head reporter, her words sound like a warning on Charlie, who has been acting fishy since his debut. Considering Ellen's level of experience on the field, it's hardly a surprise. Not to mention that Anna having something to say in the end of a chapter seems to take my suspicions into account.

Note to self: get Alec fired and replaced by someone else with a better judgment on the importance levels of news. That would be the ultimate cathartic moment. I heard that he suspends Ellen for a month if the MC says Ellen has been scaring guests like Anna, whereas he fires Ellen if the MC says she caught Ellen snooping around his office. I get that his privacy needs to be respected, but he should also be mindful of guests, and his job includes making sure they're respected. I certainly dislike Ellen for her behavior, but at least she has made the occasional point (e.g. her frustration at her story on environmental disaster sidelined in favor of MC's story on the local library losing a book), and she also has at least one moment that feel human (e.g. overworked but choosing to hide it out of fear of people seeing it as a weakness). They don't paint her in positive light, but at least she still makes sense as a character. Alec, on the other hand, has none of that and therefore deserves none of my respect.

Nightbound Chapter 8:

I'm glad the plot continues to move onward from the previous chapter. I love Vera's dress, and my MC in a period outfit looks fine. A pity I didn't buy it.

Well, hello Josephine Vance. Man, I miss the It Lives series and hope it returns in October as usual. As for Katherine, I have to comfort her and help her move on from her loss. I admire PB giving her some fleshing out on her insecurities, but still miffed that this information is paywalled. Nevertheless, it was a no brainer for me to pick it.

Man, the fight against the ghosts was tough, and it was fun to use the premium dagger and punch a ghost. Not to mention my respect for Cal and Vera has just increased when they chose to protect the MC from danger. Bonus points for Vera, who finally resolves to user her power for good.

Now that we're going to meet The Fate, I'm just anxious how ths figure will react and when we'll encounter Lord Elric again. Looking at the mirror in the premium scene with Katherine shows his reflection looking back at the MC, so it might be possible his monster tear will be acquired at some point.

Passport to Romance Chapter 13:

I think it's for the best for Elliot to be kicked out of his family's company's board of directors. All he does is mooch off of his brother's money as he travels around the globe. It's time he grows up.

The competition between Sumire and Bronwyn (premium scene but I can't resist it) is fun to watch. I have no love for Bronwyn and Carlisle, even if Bronwyn gave meaningful critique Sumire can use to improve her art. It was satisfying to watch Sumire win and call Bronwyn out for looking down on others and touting her own art as superior. Bonus points for the rooftop garden scene with Sumire, where her victory was mentioned, even though she and the MC got cockblocked.

To be honest, I paid less attention to the showdown between Marisa and Carlisle than to the drawing contest. Sure it was great to see Marisa winning against Carlisle, but that was because of Elliot distracting him, which lessened the satisfaction. I swear, Carlisle's worse than Bronwyn, who may be a jerk but still gave valid criticism in the previous chapter. Carlisle, on the other hand, is just a jerk who acts sore for the sake of it. As for Yvette, she made another point on the MC's friends moping too much on their emotional crises. At least Marisa has gotten over it, and I kinda helped with Sumire. Nevertheless, all four of them need to sort out their own messes while MC has to devote their focus on the vlog.

A Courtesan of Rome Chapter 20:

I had to recruit Sabina to my cause, but as an added bonus, it also features her talking about what she wants to do after Caesar has been dealt with. I may not be romancing her, but I have faith she'll get her plans sorted out, especially if she chooses to take over Locusta's apothecary.

Honestly, what was PB doing to Xanthe? Not digging into her character is already a huge disservice to her and the potentially meaningful commentary she can provide as a "regular citizen" trying to get on with her life. Shipping her to Sicily as a way to write her out reeks of human trafficking, which is a very. Moreover, I'm pissed that PB used hee to tear her down and make the MC look good in the process. I don't like Xanthe, but PB's use of the female rival trope just to tear her down reeks of misogyny. This doesn't give women a free pass. Instead, it means PB should write them with the care and nuance they deserve as part of their characterization.

Anyway, off to the gaining allies part. I managed to convince Cleopatra and Senator Lucius, but failed to convince Senator Cornelius because I don't have a high enough reputation. No matter. At least I have the support of gladiators thanks to Victus and Cingerix, so the finale better be epic.

Platinum Chapter 3:

I feel like there's not much to say in this chapter aside from this story starting to remind me of America's Most Eligible. Made up story about one's past, tough competition, and the pressures of being on the big screen. Jaylen should train under a more sensible singer instead of Ryder, and I feel like that won't be the last time we'll see Shane. What if we see him on occasion?

As for how this story is so far, I'd say it's okay. I've been losing interest in the romance aspect as of late, so I'm just focusing on how the MC's story unfolds. It better not make her rise to fame too easy, however.

Open Heart Chapter 17:

The hearing was surprisingly smooth. Only two doctors opposed the MC because of Deflan's meddling, I'm not sure of some other doctors, and I'm glad Naveen arrived to have my MC reinstated. The patients I treated or their relatives (I picked Shonda, who thought the panel's lame, Remy, who thanked me for giving him a reason to surf to the fullest, Sharon, who said I was a bit distracted but still credited me, and Annie, who was nice about my MC e-mailing her often) and the doctors I persuaded helped, though I cringed at Dr. Calais saying that the MC's skill at golf is enough to prove their good character. My only regret is that I didn't pick the option to punch Declan. At least Ethan managed to persuade Mrs. Martinez's son to drop the lawsuit by showing him a picture of his mother in Paris.

Man, I'm glad Aurora stood up to her aunt by saying that she had enough of being assigned cases and told her that the MC has proven to be a capable doctor. It appears that this scene affected Harper's decision to vote in my favor, and I'm thankful for that. Even better, she's planning to move to the MC's apartment now that Landry has moved out and transferred to Mass Kenmore.

Speaking of Landry, I decided to talk to him before it's too late. I'm still angry that he got away with disrupting patient care when he sabotaged the MC, and him bringing Naveen into the courtroom doesn't erase what he did. At least I don't have to deal with him and his unrepentant ass anymore, though at least I said good luck to him.

One thing I noticed is that since Ride or Die, there's no announcement for a sequel at the end of the finale. Instead, it's announced by PB itself outside the story. I guess this is gonna be a new thing from now on. Whatever that is, I'll get used to it.

Man, this story surprised me. I thought it's gonna be average because of my doubt in the quality of the stories as of late. It turned out to be better than I thought because of the colorful cast of characters and emotional moments when treating patients. It was sad to hear of the deaths of Dolores and Mrs. Martinez, heartwarming to watch Remy decide to make every moment to use his limbs count, and scary to treat the patients during the triage. There are also moments to feel awesome, such as helping Sienna break up with Wayne and getting reinstated at Edenbrook. I really look forward to Book 2.

Red Carpet Diaries Chapter 1:

I nearly considered writing into detail on how much I still have no love for this series, but because I don't want to rain on other people's parades, and my own anger has receded somehow, I'm not doing it.

Not surprised that there's no option to say I have no love interest. I may already have one, but I don't think this story should end in a wedding. On the bright side, I get to be with Victoria.

A pity I couldn't bring my beloved ocelot with me on vacation, though at least everyone else is doing well, though what's with Hunt having a beard? It makes me cringe.

Who on earth thinks it's a good idea to feature a boat accident during a vacation? That's just bizarre. And no way am I ignoring Victoria when she's trying to put on a life vest. Especially when she proposed to me at the end of the chapter.

Bloodbound Chapter 4:

Dang, this is one awesome chapter! MC is a cunning badass by tricking Mr. Klempf into freeing her, then the fight scene where she uses a giant mace on him, followed by another fight scene with the love interests and Cal. Man, everything is so intense that I have to applaud the inner circle and Cal for their badassery.

I'm starting to feel worried for Adrian after he killed Langdon in cold blood. I wonder whether this is the result of the serum injected to his body that causes him to become more like the First Vampire, who I'm convinced is Rheya. I also wonder whether she turned more people into vampires besides Xenocrates and Gaius.

Sad that I couldn't afford to find and free the other fantastic creatures. I would've freed them for a backup army like the Baron's prisoners back in Book 1. And that dream MC had with Adrian is starting to make me wonder if Adrian will really turn to the dark side.

[obvidalous]

OC Interview Meme

Thank you so much for the tag, sweet @natsora ! I had a lot of fun doing this <333

And I tag @naromoreau @thealexmachina @vorchagirl @alyssalenko @carolyntheclockworkangel90 @liaorban @starsandskies Have fun!! XD

1. What is your name? Sara Ryder.

2. What is your real name? That’s it. Sara Ryder, that’s my name. Call me Ryder.

3. Do you know why you were called that? I have no idea. I only know that Alec picked my brother’s name and mom picked mine.

4. Are you single or taken? Like you don’t know about that… I’m taken. *smiles to herself*

5. Have any abilities or powers? I have my biotics, of course. And also, a remarkable ability to dodge bullets and questions I don’t want to answer.

6. Stop being a Mary Sue. … Is that even a question? … And where is Keri? You know Keri T’Vessa? Well, I prefer when she asks me stuff. I don’t like you that much.

7. What’s your eye color? Green. With a hint of boredom, right now.

8. How about your hair color? Black.

9. Have you any family members? I have a twin brother, Scott. My father’s dead, and my mother… well, it’s complicated. I don’t want to talk about that.

10. Oh? What about pets? I don’t have time for a pet. Pathfinder is a full-time job. I like cats, though, maybe I’ll try to get one when they start reviving them from stasis.  

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like. I hate journalists who ask lame questions. Sorry, that’s the first thing to come to my mind right now. More seriously, I can’t stand misplaced authority and people who are a liability. And I don’t like whiners.

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing? Listening to music or reading a book usually soothes me. I also like jogging and hiking, it’s a good way to evacuate the stress of the day. But my favorite activity is partying with my friends. I never come on the Nexus without stopping by the Vortex. *raises her glass to the bartenders*

13. Ever hurt anyone before? Yes. And sometimes not on purpose.

14. Ever… killed anyone before? Well, yes. For some, I regret doing it, for others… I’ll do it again any time.

15. What kind of animal are you? A dangerous one. 

16. Name your worst habit. Always pushing my limits, I guess… whether it is for drinking or for fighting, with me it’s all or nothing.

17. Do you look up to anyone at all? Not really. There are a lot of people whom I admire, but I’ve always made my own decisions and I path my own way.

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual? I don’t like the word “straight”. But yes, I’m heterosexual.

19. Do you go to school? I went to school on the Citadel when I was younger, then I went to Earth and graduated in Archeology before joining the Initiative and leaving the Milky Way. All that seems so far away, now.

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day? I honestly don’t know. I’m not opposed to it, I guess. But for me, marrying and having kids means settling down. I’m not ready to do that, and I don’t know if I ever will be.

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls? I don’t think so. But all that media hype about my relationship with a member of the Collective has been a tremendous pain in my ass lately… I’ll be glad when that is over.

22. What are you most afraid of? Showing any weaknesses. And losing the ones I love.

23. What do you usually wear? I like casual and comfy clothes, with no Initiative tag on it if possible. I don’t really pay attention to my look, most of the times I have no choice anyway.

24. Do you love someone? What kind of a question is that? Of course, I love someone. I’m taken, remember? And I love my brother and my friends, they are my family. I couldn’t live without them.

25. When was the last time you wet yourself? Technically I didn’t wet myself, but the waiter spilled a glass on my lap when he brought our drinks…

26. Well, it’s not over yet! *looks dubious* Great!

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class) I think the whole concept of the Initiative is to leave those stupid classifications behind. We’re all as one here, all in the same mess, fighting for our lives and our beloved ones. And I don’t know about you, but I received no pay since I woke up from stasis so… money’s really not the issue anymore.

28. How many friends do you have? Real, close friends are a rare thing in Andromeda. There are few people I can really count on… I think I can narrow it down to less than a dozen people.

29. What are your thoughts on pie? I love it, even better with ice cream on top of it.

30. Favorite drink? Any alcoholic beverage would do, but I have a preference for whisky. Good whisky, not the usual crap we find on the Nexus, obviously.

31. What’s your favorite place? My new home on Kadara.

32. Are you interested in someone? I assume you mean platonically? I wish I could get to know the other Pathfinders a little better. We rarely happen to be on the Nexus at the same time, and I think it would be nice to learn from their experience and adventures.

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy? Ha, if you think you’ll make me blush with this one, you’re wrong. It’s been a very long time since I last bought a bra… but it was a 34C if I remember correctly.

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean? I don’t care. Water is water.

35. What’s your type? Someone like me. Someone who both understands and challenges me on every occasion. Someone passionate, who can turn me on with a glance. Even better if he’s sexy. *laughs* Did I say that out loud?

36. Any fetishes? Mm, sure… Low voices. Oh man, that’s a total turn-on. I love wearing kinky and sexy lingerie, too. Oh, and roleplaying! Maybe I have too many, actually. Well, you get the gist – I’ll stop for now.

37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive? I don’t mind, I can be both. It’s always nice to switch, why stick to only one role? I’m not afraid to explore my sexuality, and I have lots of fantasies waiting to be fulfilled.

*looks suddenly worried* … Wait. You ain’t publishing that, right?

38. Camping or indoors? I love camping, though I wouldn’t do it every day.

39. Are you wanting the interview to end? Yes!

40. Now it’s over! Thank you very much for your questions. Let’s never do that again.

*gets up and leaves*

[trickstersantana]

[PARA] Online shopping time!

Who: Santana, Sugar @sugarreturnsbetterthanryder and Al Motta Location:  Notos 301 Time: 9 October 2018 Summary: Santana and Sugar prepare stuff for the Barricade Triggers/Notes: Drug mention, violence mention, murder mention

Santana was in Sugar's super high quality Notos room. What a good coach. She could smell the air money in here. Now she had 3 contacts in Notos, her, Hunter and Blaine, and she was going to enjoy her Friends with Rich People perks. She keep drinking Sugar's champagne and feeling like a rich girl with her old almost broken laptop, buying things for the barricade and planning it well. But there was only one thing in her mind. But she needed Ryder for that, and Ryder was in drugworld when she most needed him. So she was distracting herself with the barricade meanwhile. "Hey, Sugar, we probably need kitchen knifes to cook and shit." She says while searching for the best knife for ritual purposes.

Sugar barely takes notice of what her best friend is saying, her mind having drifted a long time ago into the endless sea of fashion products that the internet has to offer. "Oh, sure, add what you need, Santy. Money's not a problem." After adding a couple of matching pink bows to her shopping cart, she takes the pink headphones that were lying near her feet in the pillow-covered king size bed "Do you mind if I wear these for a while? I just realised I have to catch up on a lot of new releases."

Santana says  a "Nice. Perfect. Enjoy the new music." And adds her favourite knives to the chart, alongside other cooking products so they doesn't look out of place. Other day, Santana would buy cool clothes and a new laptop. But now she has to focus on her mission. She keep preparing things for the barricade and buying all she needed. Planning it so good and pretending to care so much no one would suspect she has actually no interest in it. The perfect cover. Her cellphone rings. Unknown number. She rolled her eyes. What does my dad wants now? Anyway I have to talk to him so perfect. She picks it up. "Hey Cabrón, me llamas justo a tiempo.”

[Translation note: Hey Bastard, you call me just in time]

Al Motta remembers some of the words from his spanish lessons in college, but decides to stick to his script instead of searching his memory for their meaning. After the initial setback, he clears his throat and speaks. "Miss Lopez, correct? This is Al Motta, from the Lusus Naturae Protection Committee. Please, excuse the late hours. I take it you are a very good friend of my daughter's. She has gone missing, you see, and I was hoping that you would know where she has gone. Any information that you could provide us would be a tremendous help. We miss her dearly at home."

Santana panics on the inside. She hopes Al Motta doesn't know what cabrón means. Ok, relax. The leader of the LN committee is calling you. He has your number. And your file probably and all the power to ruin your life before it really starts. Chill. "Oh hey what's up Al?" She says too chill and regrets it inmediatly. "I didn't know the committe could do this break of privacity but honestly, I'm not surprised." A very good friend of Sugar. Yes. "Yeah, I'm her best friend, actually. So it would make a lot of sense I know things about her" Gone missing. Okay, let's play this game. "Oh yeah, why did she went away from NYADA? She was doing so well here and she loved it so much. Without warning or anything. What happened? I probably can help, but I need more information." She could sense Death but she was just dancing with her.

Al Motta regrets his approach. He should have realised that if there was one thing Sugar was not, it was independent. This girl clearly knew everything, or she would not be speaking so casually to him. "Please, forgive me, Miss Lopez-" he began, thinking it was best to give in to everything if it meant getting a chance to get his daughter back in his grip. He was no stranger to stooping low. "I am not calling on behalf of the Committee. It is just an old habit, as I do not have many personal calls these days. Sugar gave me your number on her first week of school so that I would have a classmate to call if there was an emergency. She had been taking a holiday on her grandmother's country residence, and they have just now informed me that she has gone without warning." He takes a deep breath and continues. "I am hoping it is nothing more than a little rebellious phase, as I had plenty of those in my own youth, but I would like to speak to her just to make sure she is alright."

"Oh, please, Al, you can call me by my name. We are all friends here. Friends who care a lot about Sugar." Santana super didn't know what she was doing but she was probably doing it wrong. Talking like she was talking to a friend's parent who didn't rule the committee and her life. She will have a talk with Sugar about not giving her number to people. "Why was she taking a holiday without any contact to the outside world? Isn't that like, super weird? I think people would think is really weird." She says, all very casually for a person trying to touch a cactus on fire.

"Very well, Miss Lopez." Al Motta's voice changes "Anyone would call me a fool for believing I could trick a trickster. What is it that you want? Is it money? I see no other reason why someone like you would befriend someone like my daughter." He makes a pause, trying to keep himself from losing his composure. "Her money is my money, so you can get it straight from the source now, and you wouldn't be the first to do so." What do you want in exchange for letting me talk to my daughter?" He knew he would need no more than a few sweet words to get Sugar's trust back. "Just ask, and let's get this over with."

Santana nods in Sugar's room, smiling. Thinking What The Hell is Going On. Any other day, she would ask for money. Finishing NYADA naturalization now. Getting rid of the tracking of Trickster Spirits. But she didn't need money anymore. She didn't need any of that. She would become human this month. She had to keep the ruse, though. *Ah, I see what's going on. This is a parent trap to see if I'm really friends with her daughter. Like I'm going to fall for that! "There's so many reasons for people to befriend Sugar, please! She's great, caring..." She's out of adjetives that doesn't mean She Gives Me Money. "...Funny. I mean, there's no words to describe her, actually. But she has so many qualities being her own person!" She can totally believe Al Motta bought other's friends of Sugar to control her daughter. What a controlling dick. "But sure, I can ask for some things. You know, NYADA just put some super discriminatory collars to shapeshifters, it would be nice for the committee to work to get rid of them, and..." She made a pause. "Make Dedric Fuchs face abolishement." 

The mention of Fuchs' name was enough for the façade of stability that Al Motta had managed to put up this far to shatter. He gripped the phone. "If it was up to me--” He screamed before he even realised it. “that old fucker would be under my foot and begging for mercy, believe me, Miss Lopez!" He tried his best to calm down, but he couldn't. "Y-You think that if it was up to me--" He realised that his voice was shaking and that he could barely speak. Then he realised he could use that for his advantage. "I'm- I'm sorry. My daughter- she is all I have now. I cannot lose her too. Please, Miss Lopez. I know I haven't been the best father." Truth be told, he himself couldn’t tell how much of what he was saying was true. If he hadn't been at his lowest, he would have even been proud. "Collars? We can see about that. All I'm asking is for one chance to make things right with my baby girl. Please."

Santana hears Al Motta voice getting angry. That's it. This is how I sign the petition for my murder. She thinks, smiling like one of those smirks her 'dad' always has, even in the worst situations, because when everything goes to shit you can only smile and hope the other person thinks you have a plan. "I'm glad to have your support, Al." She just says, wondering if those would be her last words. *Wait wait wait, bitch!! This is a desperate man. You have the control now. * And Santana is like, hell yeah you're my bitch now Al Motta. If I don't die. DON'T GET COCKY SANTANA YOU ARE SO CLOSE TO BE HUMAN. "Yeah, sure. When I see the collars gone for good."

Al Motta takes a moment to think. What had he just offered? He had hoped that Santana girl was not smart enough to ask for results beforehand. The whole reason he had sent Sugar away was to not let her influence his carefully calculated political game. He could not throw it away like this to get her back. "I'm... sorry, Miss Lopez. Politics are not made overnight. If you are looking for immediate satisfaction, you will have to ask for something else. Perhaps..."

Santana interrupts him. "Then I'm not interested. Sorry, gotta go, bye." She says, and hangs off the phone. Thank God she is going to become a human soon and all her problems would be gone or she would be in big trouble for this.

Sugar hears her friend saying goodbye and removes her headphones. "Oh! You're done! Great!" She turns her laptop screen so her friend can see the item on display. "Look, what do you think of these blankets? They look really warm right? I'll add a few. A bed can never have too many blankets." While she is waiting for an answer, she hears Santana's phone ringing again, and can't hide a slight look of disappointment. "Oh, it's- it's okay, you can pick up. I still have a lot of songs in the playlist. I'll wait."

Santana, probably making a big mistake she will totally regret later in the form of pain, shrug. “I prefer to keep looking at blankets.” She says, while putting her phone on silence.