#honestly I made this just because they did page in toronto

[thisislizheather]

Dad's 100th Birthday Part

This is a few months late of a post, but my dad turned 100 (!) in June and we had a giant party for him, which was incredible. And in helping plan the party, I did what I normally do when I need ideas for something - I went to different bookstores to peruse ideas for things that would be helpful in planning such an event. But here’s the thing: there is no book on how to celebrate a 100th birthday. There are ideas for kids birthday parties, weddings, showers, retirements but absolutely nothing specifically for a 100th birthday celebration. So that being said, I wanted to do a post about some of the things that we came up since it was all so fun to plan.

Tip #1: do not try to fit three numbered, helium-filled balloons in the trunk of your car. They will not fit. I popped the “one” almost immediately and thankfully we were still in the parking lot of Party City so I could get a replacement.

Above Photo: Toronto Star front page from June 5, 1923

Since we were having the party at a hall, we decided to decorate the guest entrance area with posters on easels from my dad’s past, like the front page of the Toronto Star from the day he was born (thanks to my dear friend Adele for getting a copy for us). We also displayed photos of his Dale Carnegie classes and students, his RCAF officer photos and medals, as well as an enlarged poster print from a Campbell’s tomato soup ad that he posed for when he was a kid. He also received birthday letters from the mayor of Mississauga, the governor general of Canada, the prime minister of Canada and the king of England, which were all on display. (I have a theory that since King Charles’ coronation took place on May 6th and my dad’s birthday was June 5th, then this could easily be the king’s very first 100th birthday letter that he’s sent as King of England… which is wild.)

Above Photo: Card luggage box

Dad insisted on cards only (no gifts), so I used this vintage luggage I bought years ago from the Toronto Vintage Clothing Show. The two red birds are from Michael’s and the lettering design was (perfectly) done by my sister-in-law Amanda with dollar store sticker letters, construction paper and twine.

Above Photo: 100th birthday matchbooks

I got party favour matchbooks made through Zazzle that turned out great.

Above Photo: Decade cookies

I don’t know what else to call these other than the decade cookies because each sugar cookie had a photo from each decade of his life. And they turned out so perfect, I’m grateful that Sweet Star Bakeshop took on the project and could create these for the day.

Above Photo: Mom & Dad

The balloon arch was put together by my sister-in-law Cindy, my brother Robbie, my niece Tianna and her boyfriend Liam and it looked spectacular, especially as a backdrop for photos. Cindy also had the genius idea to create two kids-only tables with colouring and craft supplies. Honestly every event with kids should do this.

Above Photo: The Heathers!

We bought flowers from the grocery store on the day of the event since that proved to be the cheapest/easiest route and we just brought vases from home for them. We got the “100” table decorations, the “100” banner and the guest book all from Amazon.

Above Photo: Birthday letter from King Charles

We had about 400 old photos shown on a slideshow that was displayed on a projection that played on a loop as well as a playlist of songs from the 40s-70s (no Beatles, he hates them). My brother Gary arranged to have some fado (a form of Portuguese singing) musicians play for a little bit since my Dad’s a big fan of it.

Above Photo: Dad & Mom with the cake

He insisted on using a sword to cut the cake (since that’s what the queen would’ve done) and somehow no one got hurt.

And finally we made gift bags that included some of the things that represent my dad: a bookmark (he loves to read), some UK chocolates (because of his English roots), an engraved 100th birthday pen, some wild flower seeds (ideally to be planted as a reminder of the party!) and a jar of homemade Stan jam (he loves strawberry jam) that my mom and I made.

Above Photo: Stan jam!

It couldn’t have gone better and everyone had such a great time. Truly a once in a lifetime kind of day. And just incase you’re interested at all, here’s some more about my dad.

Stanley Heather was born in 1923 in Toronto, Ontario. When he was 18 years old, he joined the RCAF in 1941 and fought in WWII (Ranks Held: AC2 - R118904, ACI, LAC, ACT. CORP SGT., FLIGHT SGT., PILOT OFFICER - J94389, FLYING OFFICER). Throughout his life, he’s had five children and countless grandchildren, he’s worked as an accountant with Hyland Motors and Chrysler, he was a sponsor of Dale Carnegie and taught the five Carnegie courses in the West Indies for fifteen years, he was the Chamber Of Commerce Manager in Brampton, the General Manager of The Mississauga City Board Of Trade and currently still co-owns and operates the daycare supplies company Heather Child Care Essentials in Mississauga with his wife of forty years (and my mom), Hassina. He continues to travel the world with Hassina.

You can see a reel of the celebration over here, if you're interested.

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Epilogue 2: A Queen’s Crown

A/N: I know this one is a bit short.  One more epilogue to go, and if you missed my update, it will be posted THIS WEDNESDAY at 7:30pm.  We’re ending the disaster that was 2020 with Aberdeen and Willy!

January 2023

Aberdeen Bloom was freaking the fuck out.  

Anna Wintour just walked into the room.

“Miss Bloom!  Hello,” she greeted, her signature accent filling the room as her dress swayed back and forth.  Every stylish, her boots clacked against the floor as she approached the photographer and set where Aberdeen was about to pose on a beautifully crafted, eccentrically pink upholstered couch in front of styled bookcases holding hundred-year-old editions of books.  

“Hello Ms. Wintour,” Aberdeen said as confidently as she could, shaking Anna’s hand.  Her own dress – a black, high-neck midi-length dress with sheer long sleeves and hand applied golden crystals she was styled in that morning – sparkled in the light of the room.  “It’s an honour to meet you.  Thank you for the profile.”

“It’s not every day a woman sets a record in the writing world,” Anna said.  “I would be a fool not to profile the youngest person to ever receive a Booker Prize for fiction.”

Aberdeen smiled.  Every time she heard that – the youngest person to ever receive a Booker Prize for fiction – she had to pinch herself.  She truly believed her life wasn’t real over these past few years.  Most authors dreamt of being nominated for awards.  Her first book was longlisted for the two biggest literary awards in Canada.  Her second book, published by Coach House again but then picked up by Knopf and published internationally, had won the two biggest literary awards in Canada and had just won the Booker Prize for Fiction, the most prestigious literary award in the world.  She was living in a dream world.

“And you must be the new fiancé,” Anna said, motioning over to where William was standing just out of shot, watching the photoshoot about to begin.  “Pleasure to meet you.  You must be in town to face the Rangers.”

“You as well,” William approached her to shake her hand.  “You made my fiancée’s dream come true with this profile.”

“Well considering how fashionable she’d been on the book tour,” Anna shrugged her shoulders, as if to say it was so obvious to have her in the pages of Vogue.  “I know some of the editors here kept tabs on it.  Did you employ a stylist?”

“No ma’am,” Aberdeen giggled slightly.  If Anna Wintour was about to compliment her on her style, she was going to drop dead.

“Impressive,” Anna nodded.  “Now let’s see the ring.”

Aberdeen held out her left hand.  Anna inspected the ring like a gemologist.  When William proposed with it, Aberdeen was blown away.  He’d designed it himself.  A 4 carat round diamond in a twisted halo design and pavé band.  It quite literally looked like a flower in bloom.  And for Aberdeen’s eyes only, an inscription on the inside of the band in the most delicate handwriting.  “Stunning,” she said, turning to the photographer.  “Make sure you get it.”

“Of course, Ms. Wintour.”

Anna side-stepped to inspect the set.  She took one last look at Aberdeen in her dress and high heels and perfectly waved hair and perfectly applied makeup.  Anna gave her an up-down and suddenly Aberdeen became nervous.  Anna looked towards the stylist.  “We need a crown.  Crowns.”

“Crown?  Crowns?  Multiple?”

“Her novel is titled A Queen’s Crown.  She’s the youngest woman – person – to win the Booker Prize for fiction.  Surely she should wear a crown in her photoshoot.”

“I—I’ll go into the closet,” the stylist nodded, hurrying out of the room.

Anna turned once more to Aberdeen.  “Enjoy.”

***

March 2023

“I’m not about to be murdered by Orla Bloom for not having our wedding in a Catholic Church,” William said as he stuffed pasta into his mouth at the dinner table.  

“But you’re not Catholic,” Aberdeen tried to explain to him, again.  “You don’t understand what we’ll have to go through to get married in a Catholic Church.  There are classes – like legit marriage classes we have to take.  And we have to get, like, permission from the diocese to enter into the marriage and follow a Catholic wedding forma—”

“Listen to me,” William said, interrupting her.  He grabbed her hand from across the table to calm her down.  He knew how stressed she was getting about getting married, if only because there was Toronto and Sweden and Northern Ireland and Scotland to deal with.  That didn’t even factor in hockey, making them only really able to have the wedding within a twelve-week span of the year.  That also didn’t factor in her job, which, between book tours and interviews and appearances and writing her next, also created limited time and availability for their wedding date.  But when she felt his hand wrap around hers, he saw her visibly relax.  “I love you.  We could go down to the courthouse right now to get married.  But this means a lot to Orla.  And I know you won’t say it, but I know how much this means to you, to be married in the same church you went to as a kid in Etobicoke,” he said softly.  “So we’re doing it there.  No ifs, and, or buts.  I’ll take any class I have to in order to marry you.  I’ll donate.  Give my blood.  Whatever.  We’re getting married there.”

Aberdeen couldn’t take it.  She got up from her seat and moved to sit in William’s lap.  She didn’t care that they were at the dinner table, and she didn’t care that William had to push back his chair really quickly to accommodate her.  All she wanted to do was melt into him completely.  “Thank you so much,” she whispered against his lips as she kissed him.  “I love you.  You know that, right?”

William smiled.  “I do.  And I love you too.  That’s why I gave you that ring.”

***

TALK OF THE TOWN: Booker Prize-winning and Toronto-based author Aberdeen Bloom and William Nylander (you know, of the Toronto Maple Leafs) just bought “the last lot on the Kingsway” – an old 1970s style bungalow empty for some time now.  Sources say the couple plan to tear it down (of course) and build their dream home, a Scandinavian-inspired house where Bloom will no doubt produce her next great novels.  Bloom and Nylander will be two blocks away from her former and his current boss, Brendan Shanahan, President of the Toronto Maple Leafs.  Bloom has always said in interviews that she will never leave Toronto, so it’s fitting that the girl who was born and raised in Etobicoke would buy on one of the city’s most exclusive and coveted streets.

***

May 2023

“Vogue is coming to the wedding?  Vogue?!  Like…Vogue magazine?!” Aleida asked as she fed a now two-year-old Helena sitting in a high chair.  Aberdeen smiled wryly before nodding her head.  Aleida was still dumbfounded.  “Like…Anna Wintour Vogue magazine.  That Vogue magazine.”

“That Vogue magazine,” Aberdeen nodded.  “They’re profiling it for an issue, along with my dress fitting.  And then when the house is done, they’re going to do a feature on that too.”

Aleida looked towards Bee, who was just as shocked as Aleida was.  “We need to go shopping for new dresses.”

“We definitely need to go shopping for new dresses,” Bee agreed.  “I better let Aryne know too.”

“Guys, it’s still like, two years away.  We set the date for August 23rd, 2025,” Aberdeen smiled as she reminded them.  “You will have plenty of time.  Plenty.”

“I don’t know about that.  Weddings creep up on you quick,” Bee joked.  Aberdeen completely understood where she was coming from.  Bee and Morgan were getting married in July.  William and Aberdeen were invited, of course, and would be going.  Bee spoke a lot about the planning the past few months and always gave updates whenever the girls were all together.  “I mean, I thought a year would be plenty of time for the wedding.  And it is, don’t get me wrong…but it definitely came sooner than I thought!”

“You need to get the venue sorted now before anything else,” Aleida offered.  “You’re two years out so you should honestly have your choice in place.  But I don’t think there’s any venue in this city that would turn you down.”

“We’ve already booked,” Aberdeen smiled wryly.  She was just full of surprises for the girls today.  They looked at her, waiting for a response.  “The Aria ballroom at the Four Seasons,” she revealed.

“Ooooooooooh,” both women cooed simultaneously at the revelation.  Even Helena join in on the sound.  “That will look stunning,” Aleida commented.  “I can see it now – those floor-to-ceiling windows with flowers hanging and—”

“—don’t forget the drapery over the dancefloor—” Bee offered.

“—the drapery over the dancefloor—”

“—and the centrepieces…big, tall arrangements that stretch up—”

“Ladies, ladies, ladies,” Aberdeen held her hands up gently, causing Bee and Aleida to stop momentarily.  Aberdeen paused for dramatic effect.  “We’ve gotta write all this stuff down.”

The girls smiled and wiggled in their seats excitedly.  “I’m giving you Rachel’s number,” Bee said, immediately mentioning her florist.  “Your last name’s Bloom.  There’s gotta be a shit ton of flowers at this wedding.”

***

July 2023

Aberdeen had tears in her eyes as she watched Morgan and Bee say “I do”.  William had been holding her hand throughout the entire ceremony, rubbing the back of it gently with his own thumb.  When they finally had their first kiss, it was the only point he let go so he could whistle loudly and clap and cheer.  Bee looked extraordinary in her lace dress.  Aberdeen could only imagine what would be in store for her when she went wedding dress shopping.

When the reception began, Aberdeen couldn’t help but get even more emotional.  Knowing what Bee had gone through in her life, and seeing her dance with Morgan for their first dance made some tears fall down her cheeks.  William noticed almost immediately, even though he was behind her; he wrapped his arms around her waist tightly and nestled his head onto her shoulder.   “That’ll be us soon,” he whispered.

Aberdeen nodded her head.  “I know.  I’m so excited.”

“I love you so much.  I can’t wait for you to be my wife.”

“And I can’t wait for you to be my husband.”

“And baby daddy.  Don’t forget baby daddy,” he joked.

Aberdeen giggled.  She knew he said that to make her laugh, because even though these were tears of joy, he didn’t like to see her cry.  “Baby daddy too,” she nodded.  “I can’t wait to have a thousand more little Nylanders running around Etobicoke.”

“We’re going to take over the world.”

***

August 23rd, 2025

Aberdeen looked at her dad as he held his arm out for her to grab.  He looked so spiffy in his suit, and every time she saw him today, he had a giant smile on his face.  It hadn’t left since their early morning wake up call to get hair and makeup done.  He’d cried when he saw her in her dress for the first time.  Now, if it was even possible, his smile was even wider.  “Ready, sweetheart?” he asked.

Aberdeen nodded, linking her arm with her father’s.  “I love you so much, dad.”

“I love you too, Aberdeen.  Every day I thank my lucky stars for you and Siena and Camden.  You’ve brought so much light to my life.”

Aberdeen’s bridesmaids had already walked out – Jacquie, Stephanie, Daniella, Kasha, and Siena as her maid of honour.  She knew Alex would be standing beside William at the front of the aisle, with Camden (now a smart-as-a-whip-16 year old) and some of his cousins there too.  The music began playing.  She took a deep breath.  The doors opened.

As she walked down the aisle with her father, she saw a lot of familiar faces.  Morgan and Bee, of course, cradling a six-month-old Andy.  Fred and Aleida, with a four-year-old Helena in the cutest little tutu-style dress.  Auston, John and Aryne, Zach and Alannah, Joe with his wife and kids, Pierre, Rasmus, Mitch and Steph, Jake, Courtney, and Luna, Justin and Audrey – so many of the Leafs.  Beth Zadakis.  Her editor from Coach House Books.  Her editor from Knopf.  Jason, Jennifer, and their four girls.  Brendan and his wife.  Her grandparents, who came in all the way from Northern Ireland.  Michael and Camilla.  Her mom.

And of course, William.  William, who was wiping tears away from his eyes.  William, who looked so dapper in his tux.  William.  

Her William.

[sweetsubharry]

hi! can you give me your hottest, dirtiest, filthiest bottom harry fics?

Hiya!! Yes I can! ^-^

Now there are 41 different fics under this list, so it’s quite long! Obviously what people find dirty/filthy can be a large range, so if you ever want to narrow it down just send another message like ‘no plot’ for example :) and then I can make it more suited to your taste if this one isn’t! I hope you enjoy this though love ❤

In case no one gets to the bottom of the page I’ll say it again here too! Please make sure to stay safe and read the tags!! ❤ ❤

you're my favorite ride by louislovesharry

no summary 

At Least As Deep As the Pacific Ocean (I wanna be yours) by babylouis

Louis can’t help but stop and watch him for a moment, how beautiful he looks, sprawled out on the bed, his cock red and hard against his tummy, collar snug against his neck and the bow still placed neatly in his curls to keep them back from Harry’s face.

His boy may be the most beautiful creature on the planet.

Especially tied up like this, body begging to be fucked. Begging to be destoryed.

or

Louis likes to push boundaries, and Harry takes what he gets. Lots of subspace Harry and fonding Louis ensues.

redder than the devil by mercutionotromeo

It's half past 9, and all Harry wants is for Louis to touch him. Preferably after a good spanking.

If you combine a lazy Saturday afternoon with a distracting, pouty Harry, you'll end up with Louis spanking his baby over his knee in the middle of a paused FIFA match.

Pretty please, take care of me ? by kurtcobain

Louis is stressed. Harry wants to help.

Step into the Light by Smolbeanandhisqween

Harry is on the set of his new music video "Lights Up". His husband, Louis, is watching him film the video. He gets jealous of all of the people touching Harry and teaches him a lesson.

Destroy Me, King by stylinsexualxo

After SNL, jealous Louis has a little surprise for Harry when he arrives home.

Can We Pretend (honestly reality bores me) by SadaVeniren

He felt Louis chuckle. “Dreaming of being my supportive, no-name boyfriend again?”

“Always,” Harry whispered. It was true. After all this time together there was no point in hiding any of his fantasies from Louis, no matter how innocent they were. So Louis was well aware of Harry’s desire to be anonymous sometimes - the “no-name” as Louis called him - loyal, a constant presence at Louis’ side.

aka Harry comes and supports Louis at his Scala concert

Let Me Be Good For You by onlyhuman for haroldtbh

His distress over the bun is nothing compared to the thrill Louis feels shoot up his spine at the outfit Harry’s donned. He’s changed into leather jeans that cling to his legs, hugging his thighs snugly. On top of it, a floaty, black sheer shirt is contouring his frame, doing absolutely nothing to hide his puffy nipples or the endless array of tattoos scattered across his torso. It’s Louis’ favourite outfit in the entire world.

Or, Niall's only birthday wish is to go clubbing with his boys in Vegas. Harry ruins it all by wearing that god forsaken black sheer shirt.

You Like Playing Games by orphan_account

Louis knows Harry likes to flirt and tease. Louis knows that he doesn’t particularly like when Harry flirts and teases. Louis knows that Harry knows that Louis doesn’t particularly like it.

But what Louis doesn’t quite know is why, despite that, Harry’s decided to grind against 5 Seconds of Summer’s Luke Hemmings during “Teenage Dirtbag” in the last show in Melbourne.

Basically pure smut.

Do Not Disturb (kiss me beneath the milky twilight) by SadaVeniren

“I was talking with Nick a couple months back and he was saying how our sex life seemed boring and we’d need to keep doing new and interesting things to keep it exciting or else we’d become boring and heterosexual and I defended us of course but then work picked up and we started living off of studio handjobs and missionary position sex in the dark and so I panicked. I googled BDSM and after looking into it I really want to try some of it because I think we’d enjoy it but we just don’t have the time.”

aka Harry doesn't want to become a boring old married couple a year into their relationship and tries to spice up their sex life.

Forgetting Frisco by iwillpaintasongforlou

Harry probably knew when he decided to wear that goddamn sheer shirt onstage in Toronto that it was going to drive Louis absolutely insane with want. He probably didn't know that Louis was going to proceed to fuck him so good he had flashbacks for years to come just like Frisco, but then again, you won't hear him complaining.

(Basically 6k of Louis worshipping Harry's body and doing it all in front of a mirror so Harry can worship, too.)

Mon Petit by coffinofachimera

Harry wears the 'Mon Petit' sweater while Louis records them on their private 

falling for you, i can't keep away by hegotthedagger plane

Harry wants Louis really bad and Louis might want him just as much.

Always In My Heart by sweaterpawstyles

The tweet itself was not startling at all. Harry saw people retweet it nearly every day for years now. It always made him smile to see how many people had retweeting Louis showing his love for Harry on that day.

What was startling was underneath where the fan had retweeted it, Harry saw the small number 1M written on it.

Harry froze, completely unable to move anything in his body. He knew Louis had the second most retweeted tweet of all time, but it reached a million retweets. One million people believed in Louis' love for Harry. Or AIMH hits 1 million & facetime sex ensues

You and Me by louisgrindsonharry

Harry and Louis have dabbled in the idea of BDSM but Harry finally wants to take it farther and Louis has to figure out how to take care of his boy.

they shake, you conquer (and I'm left to their devices) by butidontreallycare

smut. a little love for Harry's thighs, but mostly just smut. I am not ashamed

Daddy Came Home by RuinedBy5Guys

“You got yourself off.” He says quietly, his eyes locked on Harry’s. Harry’s face flushes and he tries to cover it, shoving himself towards Louis. He drops to his knees, leaning close between his husbands spread thighs. He puts his hands on his dress pants, carefully feeling the material at his knees.

“How did you know?” He asks quietly. Louis drops his face, grabbing over Harry’s hands with his own. Harry lowers his gaze, staring at the carpet underneath him.

“You were asleep. You always get tired after an orgasm. Not to mention how flushed you are.” He says quietly, raking his eyes over Harry’s body. Harry glances up at him, his actions becoming more clear to him now that Louis was home.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, dropping his eyes again.

“What was that?” Louis snaps, reaching to bring Harry’s face up again. Harry gulps, shuffling closer on his knees, the joints aching already.

“I’m sorry, Daddy.” Harry says, his green eyes locked on Louis’ blue ones. Louis smiles slightly, stroking his fingers over his husbands cheeks softly.

“Just gonna have to spank you now, aren’t I?”

OR... Harry teases and Daddy punishes him in the best ways possible

take me into your loving arms by blankiehxrry

twas the night of the brit awards

I Wanna Do What Bunnies Do With You by MoreThanTonight

“Lou.. Not here?” Harry pulled off with a gasp. “There are people in the next room. What if they hear us?“

“Then I guess you’ll just have to be quiet, won’t you, love?” Louis winked.

It's Harry's birthday and Louis wants to make it a birthday he won't forget. Louis is an art student, Harry is his boyfriend and muse.

if they find out, will it all go wrong? by blankiehxrry

madison square garden shenanigans

Happy Birthday by sleepingalone

“You wanna use that right now?” he asked incredulously, wondering how horny Louis must be. They had just fucked a few hours ago, before falling asleep. Surely he didn’t want to use it already.

“You said we had to wait till my birthday, and it’s my birthday,” Louis said cheekily, throwing Harry a small grin. Harry groaned into the pillow, burying his head in it.

“But I’m tired, Lou. I need my beauty rest.”

“I already undid the packaging,” Louis whined. “Please, can we just do it real quick? It would really make my day. My birthday,” he added. “You can go to sleep afterwards, Sleeping Beauty.”

or

Louis just really wants to use his new vibrating butt plug on Harry and turn him into a broken mess.

I Knew Right From the Beginning That You Would End Up Winning by aalexandravictoriaa

"I remember the first day I met you," Louis says, using his thumbs to make Harry open up to him even more. "I remember wanting to take you right there on the fucking street. I wanted to bend you over and bury myself in you over and over again. I couldn't then, but I'm going to now, baby. First with my tongue, then with my cock."

OR

Harry is Louis' favorite camboy and Louis becomes his Daddy.

In Motion by FictitiousFanatisch (orphan_account)

They'd only talked about it once a few weeks ago. Harry always liked it when Louis was in control and he said there was something about being denied constantly that made him even more turned on.

or

It's a lazy day and Harry wants Louis to edge him. (That's literally it.)

I'm Gonna Love You (Until You Hate me) by sweaterpawstyles

As if reading his mind, Louis glanced over his glasses at Harry, presumably because Harry didn't reply to his statement earlier.

"I decided to get my glasses out again," he chuckled, winking at Harry. "Do you like them?"

Harry felt his face heat up. No, he didn't just like them. He fucking loved them and wanted to ride Louis and call him daddy while he wore them. But he didn't want to just tell Louis this.

Or

Louis wears glasses and Harry doesn't like to be teased

I have often prayed for an angel by orphan_account

“Daddy,” he whines, voice already growing high in pitch. “Can I? Please?” “Of course angel,” Louis whispers fondly, hand tangling in Harry’s hair as he brushes it back. He loves Harry’s long strands, maybe even more than Harry does himself. “You look so beautiful on your knees like that, so eager to suck my cock.” “Mhm,” Harry hums, already licking at Louis’ slit. He begins to suckle softly at the head, peering up at Louis with wide eyes. The angel wings stretch on either side of him, and it’s so obscene, how filthy the act they’re doing is in contrast to the white feathers adorning Harry’s back. “Love your cock Daddy.” Or, the one in which Louis fucks Harry in the VS wings after he wears them onstage.

down and dirty, you're loving me so loud by orphan_account

Harry's finally twenty and there's a few things he wants.

feels so good getting what i want. by stylescantstop

Harry is a slutty yoga teacher with his sights set on Louis and Louis wants to pull that long hair of his while he fucks him really hard from behind.

Empyrean, You Fool by becauseitrhymes

Louis only realized it was actually happening once the reality of getting to carry boxes to his new flat settled in. He’d moved out of his parent’s just two days prior, with a stomach full of butterflies and no knowledge of how to do anything remotely adult, like, at all.

He’s only twenty-three years old, too, and he thinks he’s done pretty well for such a young age, considering he’s bought a flat with his money and had driven his car to get there and hadn’t cried (much) when leaving his parents. All in all, Louis thinks it’s pretty cool.

And then he’s sitting on his couch watching football in his lounge in his flat and hell yeah, it’s pretty cool.

AU where Louis moves next door to Harry, Louis falls in love with Harry, sex ensues.

Love Me Like You Do by sweaterpawstyles

Of all of the things Louis had imagined, never did he expect to become a chief editor for a magazine and to date the world-famous model Harry Styles. But he certainly never imagined one day that he would be anxiously awaiting a phone call from the top floor of an office building to tell the Harry Styles to get himself dolled up and ready to wait for his Daddy to come home before he got fucked into the mattress.

Or

Harry is a famous model and Louis is a quiet writer who may or may not be his Dom

A Hard Day's Work by louisruinedlife (orphan_account)

A bad day at work for Harry usually means turning in early. A bad day at work for Louis leads to something else entirely.

*Can be read as a stand alone.

the big idea by orphan_account

University students Harry and Zayn are filming a prank for YouTube that requires Harry to walk around campus asking random men if he could suck their dick. One of the guys, Louis, who agrees to such offer is too attractive for Harry to pass down.

He doesn't think its much of a prank anymore after that.

throw me in the deep end, watch me drown by orphan_account

“That's why you were late, eh?” he teases as Harry frantically tries to hide the dildos and the collar in the drawer. “Having too much fun to think about good ole Louis?”

“You were having fun too,” Harry replies weakly. Louis honestly has never seen a person be in such a shade of red.

“Yeah, but my fun didn't involve colourful dildos and nipple clamps.”

or the one where louis really needs to pass his a-levels and harry is his tutor who doesn’t really own a dog.

Give It To Me (I'm Worth It) by sweaterpawstyles

"Who the hell puts lube packets in their sock?"

"A boy who wanted to get fucked in the locker room by his daddy," Harry said innocently. "I have my good intentions, Lou."

or

Louis can't resist Harry in the red shorts that he wore during the James Corden skit. Featuring locker room sex.

don't let nobody touch it (unless that somebody's me) by stylescantstop

written for this prompt:

"louis knows Harry gets handsy when he's drunk, but that doesn't stop him from showing harry who he belongs to."

or the one where harry dances with other men and a jealous louis reminds him he's the only one who can make him come completely apart.

causing trouble up in hotel rooms (baby, I'm perfect) by felixandtae

A fan threw a Green Bay Packers crop top on stage and Harry kept it. We all know what happened after that.

sweet like cinnamon by brainwaves for SuburbanWarrior

It all started with bumping into Louis at Gemma’s mate’s wedding. Well, maybe it really started with Harry making heart eyes at the boy in jersey number 17 all those years ago. Now all he can think about is getting into Louis’ pants and maybe staying there for a really, really long time.

Or the one where Harry calls Louis daddy and it all spirals out of control from there.

Fulfilling Your Needs by unmeshed

“You want to be messy, baby? Filled with Daddy’s come? So much that you can barely hold it all in?"

Harry nods softly and Louis leans in to kiss him on the lips with a smile. “Want Daddy to plug you up after? Keep it inside of you all day?"

“Lou,” Harry whines, softly rubbing himself against his boyfriend, biting down on Louis’ bottom lip before he deepens the kiss, sneaking his tongue inside.

Louis’ll be damned if he can’t make Harry’s dreams come true.

or

Louis buys Harry an ejaculating dildo because Harry wants to feel full.

Like a Kitten by peaceloveandlarry

"Erm, I, uh, well, I think... I think you're really pretty, and I, um, I want to fuck you- I mean! Oh god. I- I want to go out? Yea! I want to go out."

Or Harry likes to wear kitten ears, and Louis happens to think Harry looks nice with them.

into another serotonin overflow by mercutionotromeo

Harry's the yearbook photographer who's been assigned to take pictures of Louis, the new captain of the football team. Harry's got a massive, obvious crush on Louis and somehow, Louis feels the same way.

Sweet first time sex wherein Harry's adorably awkward, Louis is achingly cool, and Harry rides Louis wearing his jersey.

need a little sweetness in my life by mercutionotromeo

Harry's always liked feeling desperate and small when Louis touches him, but when he sucks Harry off...it’s fucking otherworldly. Desperate’s not really the word at that point - it’s helpless. Like… like the fucking world could stop spinning and Harry wouldn’t be able to do anything about it until Louis finished him off with his lips and his tongue.

Or, Harry and Louis go to university together. Harry really likes it when Louis sucks him off, and Louis really likes it when Harry calls him Daddy.

(Sequel to "into another serotonin overflow")

Cheeky Princess by Noelle1224

Harry and panties. What more is there to explain?

I'm Tired Of Using Technology, I Need You Right In Front Of Me by Phillipa19

Louis goes away on yet another business trip, but when he stops calling Harry to check in, Harry decides to take matters into his own hands.

OR- Louis is Harry's sugardaddy who has gone away on business and Harry feels neglected. Louis is possessive and gets a camera installed in their bedroom so he can check up on Harry, so Harry decides to use the camera to his advantage.

Got A Lot You Wanna Show Off Baby by Phillipa19

Louis had been in meetings all day, he should have known that Harry wouldn't be ignored for much longer.

-OR-

Louis is Harry's sugardaddy and his younger boyfriend is definitely not happy being ignored whilst Louis holds meetings in his home office. There may also be Harry in lacy knickers involved.

As always please make sure to stay safe and read the tags!! ❤ ❤

[holidaywishes]

Turning Page

  Requested: 👍

  Summary/Request: Please, please, please do 13. “your love is my turning page / where only the sweetest words remain” (turning page, sleeping at last) from the music prompt list with Freddie Andersen! I love everything that you write about him ! 💕

  Warning: angst, fluff, soft Freddie

  Author’s Note: I wanted to find a GIF of Freddie looking *wistfully* at the reader because that’s the vibe I got from this song upon first listen and this GIF really hit hard. I did a tiny bit of research on this song, as I often do for my fics, to see if it meant something to the songwriter and that’s when I found it was written for Twilight. It’s been like a decade since I’ve watched any of those movies so I had completely forgotten that any song other than Christina Perri’s a thousand years was used for Breaking Down... That being said, I still think this is a beautiful song that led itself quite wonderfully to some fluff. I didn’t want it to be a wedding though and I had to really stop myself for writing it that way and honestly, the angst kind of got away from me in this one, whoops! If you’d like to request a song prompt, for hockey players or characters from your favourite movies/TV shows, send ‘em my way and I will work on them! Stay Golden, loves! <3

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

  the song prompt masterlist

xx

Freddie’s P.O.V

  You met (Y/N) when you were 10 years old on her fifth birthday party. She had ribbons in her ponytails that intertwined with her soft hair easily and you laughed at the way she took a bow from one of her gifts to add it to the top of her head with a smile. A smile that permanently etched itself in your brain for years. She was the one who kept the friendship going after that day, saying she was curious about ‘Denmark’s Hockey Family’

  “I don’t know anything about Hockey” she said in her soft, almost squeaky, voice. You chuckled at her insistence but agreed to let her come to a few practices and teach her some things. After ten years, the two of you had become closer than you ever thought you would

  “Would you ever move to the States? Or Canada?” you asked and she scoffed at your question

  “Why?” she asked, adjusting the blanket on her lap while the two of you watched a movie

  “You know I want to go into the NHL...” you stammered, wondering if she’d say you were too old, at 20 years old, to get drafted

  “I know” was all she responded

  “Yeah...” you continued, rolling your eyes when she didn’t say anything more, “well, would you?”

  “Would I what?”

  “(Y/N)...” you laughed, “would you ever move there? like if I got drafted, would yo--”

  “Would I go with you?” she interrupted, finally understanding your point, “would you want me to?”

  “Well... yeah. I mean, if you wanted to. It would just be nice to have someone there... Who knew me, who knows me..” you stammered, keeping your head turned away from hers so you couldn’t see her reaction

  “Of course I’d go with you,” you could hear the smile on her voice, “I love... watching you play” after that, the two of you worked tirelessly to find out when a scout would be in the area but you worried that your time had passed.

  “FREDDIE!” your mom yelled for you as you sat outside

  “Ma?” you called back, rushing into the house to see what was wrong

  “THE DRAFT...” she screamed

  “Mom, calm down,” you smiled, “what about the draft?”

  “YOU GOT DRAFTED!!!!!!!!!!” (Y/N) screamed as she jumped on you, “OH MY GOD FREDDIE!!!” she peeled back to look at you, her arms wrapping around your neck, “YOU DID IT!”

  “Wh-aat?” you laughed, swinging your body around to watch the TV, “where?”

  “Anaheim!” your mom exclaimed and you took a deep breath, still not having set (Y/N) down

  “Well, shi--” you started, before catching your mom’s glare, “I mean... I guess I’m going to California!”

  “We’re so proud of you!” your parents smiled before walking over to you, enveloping you and (Y/N) together in a hug where you caught the scent of vanilla and coconut

  “So...” (Y/N) whispered in your ear, “does the offer still stand?” you leaned back to see her smiling before you nodded in return. Before you knew it, you were packing up your life to get on a plane and head overseas. She lived with you for a while until she couldn’t handle the girls who kept circling in and out of your apartment; the two of you fought, she cried, you tried to fix it but both of you agreed it was better if you had some space between the two of you. You’d hope she would see that you only wanted her and that the other girls were just there to... keep you warm because the timing was never right with (Y/N). When she was single, you were with someone. When you were single, she was with someone. Seeing her happy with someone else made your heart ache so you found people that would help you waste your time and everything was going fine until (Y/N) met someone

  “He’s from Canada,” she said, “Toronto. He’s an architect!”

  “An architect? Wow” you said, a bit in shock

  “Yeah,” she continued, “we’ve actually been seeing each other for a while now but he’s just been flying back and forth and I don’t think that’s fair. He says he doesn’t mind because he likes to see me, he says it’s the best part of his day actually,” her smile lightened her rambling but you still weren’t sure where she was going with this. “Anyway,” she sighed, “he’s asked me to... move there. With him”

  “Oh” you chuckled, thinking she’d said no. She moved to Anaheim with you, for you. She wouldn’t just leave you, would she?

  “And I said I would...” your eyes went wide as the words left her lips before you dropped your head. “It’s not like I’m forgetting about you,” she giggled, “or like I’m leaving you behind. I’ll still talk to you everyday and we’ll call and FaceTime and text and nothing will change”

  “Except you won’t be here” you scoffed, smiling pathetically to yourself before slumping onto the couch

  “I know, Freddie,” she sighed, sitting next to you and rubbing your back soothingly, “but let’s face it, our schedules are so different as it is. We barely see each other, I mean you didn’t even realize I was dating someone”

  “I’ve been busy!” you challenged

  “I know,” she chuckled, “I know, but that’s the point. I came here for you and I’m so happy that you asked me to come with you and I’m so happy that I’ve been here for you”

  “So why leave?” you argued

  “Because I love this guy!” she exclaimed, “and I don’t know how much longer I can wait around for you to come home so we can finally hang out”

  “FINE!” you said out of pure anger, standing up suddenly

  “Freddie, please,” she said quietly, remaining seated as you paced around the room, “I know this isn’t what either of us expected to happen but it did. I’d be stupid not to see this through.”

  “No, you’re right,” you agreed, bitterness on your tone, “but what if we never see each other again?”

  “Of course we’ll see each other again! Freddie our parents are best friends!”

  “I guess, I just mean...”

  “I promise we’ll see each other” she smiled, finally standing up to place her hand on your cheek. You knew she meant it but, as so often happens, time got away from the two of you and space got in the way. That is, until you got traded to the Maple Leafs

  “Looks like I’ll be coming out your way” you texted her as soon as you got the news

  “What do you mean?” she sent back and you assumed she hadn’t seen the announcement

  “I got traded... I’m coming to Toronto!”

  Incoming call from (Y/N)

  “Hey” you greeted

  “YOU’RE COMING HERE!” she exclaimed, screaming through the phone

  “It looks that way!” you smiled to yourself

  “OH MY GOD!!”

  “Alright, alright,” you laughed, “calm down before you break my eardrums!”

  “I’m sorry,” she giggled and you could imagine her bright smile on the other end of the phone, “I’m just so excited to see you”

  “Me too” you confessed

  “I miss you.”

xx

  It seemed like as soon as you moved to Toronto, things with Seth changed. Like the magic somehow disappeared and you two were just ships passing in the night. You two were only together there for about two months before he said he couldn’t do it anymore and you were left to find somewhere to live on your own; staying in hostels until an affordable apartment was available. You were miserable and you hated yourself for leaving the only safe place you had, with Freddie. A year passed and you were getting a little bit more comfortable in your new hometown, finding your own favourite spots and everything, when you got a random text from Freddie

  “Looks like I’ll be coming out your way” he sent and you furrowed your brow

  “What do you mean?”

  “I got traded... I’m coming to Toronto!” he replied and you couldn’t believe it. You had been in such a slump that you hadn’t been focusing on the Hockey world even though you made sure to follow Fred’s games, so you completely missed hearing about this trade. You weren’t sure about how he felt about it because he had made connections in Anaheim and moving to another city, again, was a lot to handle but that didn’t mean you weren’t happy that you would be able to see him again; to be around him and feel him near you.

  “YOU’RE COMING HERE?!” you yelled as soon as he picked up the phone

  “It looks that way!” he replied and you could hear the smirk on his face coming through. Oh how you missed that smirk

  “OH MY GOD!” you yelled once more, bouncing around at the idea of seeing your best friend again

  “Alright, alright,” he chuckled, “calm down before you break my eardrums!”

  “I’m sorry,” you laughed before inhaling calmly, “I’m just so excited to see you”

  “Me too” he said and your heart just about broke. You had always wished he’d say that he felt about you the way that you’d felt about him, that the love you had for him was reciprocated but you’d learned that holding your breath and waiting for him was as worthless a pursuit as ever

  “I miss you” you confessed, hoping he’d say it back but hung your head when he only mumbled something under his breath. You waited patiently for him at the airport, clutching the sign you’d made for him; his name in bold letters covered in glitter that you’d knew would embarrass him. “FREDDIE!!!!” you shouted when you saw him, running to him to jump on him like you did that day in Denmark, dropping your sign in the process

  “HEY!” he exclaimed, dropping his bags to wrap his arms around you, “it’s so good to see you. I’m so happy you’re here!”

  “I can’t believe you’re really here,” you smiled, keeping your legs tightly wrapped around his hips, “I thought I’d never get to hug you again”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he laughed, “and if I do, I’m takin’ you with me”

  “Good”

  “So...” he sighed, putting you down gently and grabbing his bags, “where’s Seth?” His question made you realize you hadn’t told him about the breakup

  “Oh... right. We didn’t last,” you admitted, opening the car door as Freddie chucked his bags in the trunk, “lasted about two weeks.”

  “What?!” he returned as he slammed the trunk

  “Yeah.. he couldn’t deal so we ended things. But it was for the best...” you admitted

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked as he got into the passenger seat of your small car

  “I didn’t wanna bother you” you sighed

  “You can always bother me” he confessed and you squeezed his hand with yours before smiling softly at him

  “Thank you” you almost whispered and, just like that, the two of you picked up where you left off. Time went on, he had some bad games, the media tore him apart and you tried to be there for him but he yelled at you or whined that everything was falling apart; you told him to stop being so grumpy but he only growled in return. Everyday, it got a little harder to be with him without actually being with him. You were torturing yourself but you couldn’t stop yourself.

xx

Freddie’s P.O.V

  When Auston suggested you go to Arizona with him while everything was locked down, you asked if (Y/N) wanted to go with you

  “I can’t go with you, Freddie” she laughed

  “Why not?”

  “I wouldn’t want to interrupt... guy time” she joked

  “So you’re just gonna stay here? Alone?” you scoffed

  “Yes,” she admitted, “I have to work anyway. You’ll be back soon enough, I’m sure”

  “Yeah, maybe...” you sighed. Lockdown ended, the qualifiers started, the team didn’t make it through, rumours began to circulate and your relationship with (Y/N) was starting to fray again. You knew you would wait until she was ready, you’d wait a hundred years if you had to, but you needed to at least keep her close -- for fear that she might find another Seth. “Just move in here,” you insisted after finding out her lease was up just before Christmas, “I don’t think you’re gonna find a place during this pandemic”

  “I can’t move in here”

  “And why not?” you chuckled

  “I’ve lived with you before. I can’t really deal with the carousal of girls...”

  “There’s not a carousal of girls” you argued

  “There was in Anaheim” she scoffed

  “It’s different here. I’m different”

  “What if it doesn’t work?”

  “Then... you move out. No big deal...”

  “Why do you want me to move in?” she asked and you took a minute to think about your answer. Why did you want her to move in? So you could muster up enough courage to tell her you loved her. So she would finally realize her own feelings for you. So the two of you could finally be together the way you should’ve been a long time ago.

  “You’re my best friend” you finally said and it seemed to be enough. New Year’s passed and training camp started and neither of you had admitted any kind of feelings but her smile still made you weak.

  “Carla’s getting married in secret” she laughed, explaining how her friend from work hated the restrictions so much she was gathering a bunch of friends and family in the park for a ‘spur of the moment’ wedding

  “Is it really spur of the moment if she’s planning it?” you teased

  “Yes” she giggled

  “Okay” you laughed in response, watching as her eyes lit up as she talked about the details

  “So are you in?” you heard her ask

  “Hmm?” was all you could say since you had completely lost yourself in her

  “You’re gonna be my date, aren’t you? For the wedding?”

  “Uhh.. I don’t know,” you stammered, “when is it?”

  “I don’t know...” she huffed, “this weekend probably?” You could tell she was upset that you didn’t just agree to go, especially after she was so excited about it. Why couldn’t you just say, of course I’ll be your date!

  “I--”

  “I don’t wanna make you go if you don’t wanna go. Don’t feel like you have to, Freddie, just because I asked. You don’t owe me anything”

  “(Y/N), I want to. Of course I’ll go with you. I’m in!”

  “You are?” she questioned, clearly unsure of your answer

  “Always.”

xx

  April was a beautiful time to get married. In the park, as the grass was getting greener, as the birds sang in the trees high above and the sound of wind rustling through the trees was the only sound you could hear.

  “You look beautiful by the way” Freddie whispered to you while you sat, waiting for your friend to walk down the make-shift aisle she’d set up. You blushed at Freddie’s compliment before nudging his shoulder with yours and thanking him

  “You don’t look so bad yourself” you smiled

  “Why thank you!” he teased

  “Oh! Here we go” you exclaimed when the music began and Carla made her way to her soon-to-be husband. “She looks beautiful”

  “Are you crying already?” Freddie laughed

  “No... shut up” you scoffed as you admitted that you were, indeed, crying; you couldn’t help it, it was all so beautiful. Once the ceremony was done and they were officially married, Carla and her now husband, Clinton, invited everyone to their house for drinks and appetizers — their reception.

  “She’s trying to get us arrested” Freddie joked, referring to the quarantine rules that had to be reinforced the week prior

  “She wants to see how many of us will fit in a cell for sure” you added

  “As long as we manage to get drunk before they arrest us,” he smiled, “otherwise, it’s all for nothing.” The were no calls, no complaints, and the small group was allowed to celebrate as long and as loud as you wanted. You all did the obligatory chicken dance and cha-cha slide to really hone in on the ‘wedding vibes’ before eventually moving to slow dances. “Dance with me?” Freddie smiled at you with his hand palm up in front of you

  “I thought you’d never ask” you giggled, taking his hand and following him onto the open space that was being used as a dance floor

  “What I’ve been living for...” the song played in the background as you swayed with Freddie, pulling back to look at him once before he smiled at you.

  “What?” He chuckled

  “You’re just... I missed this” you hesitated

  “Have we danced at a wedding together before?” He joked, earning a playful scoff from you

  “I meant I miss us” you admitted, dropping your head onto his chest

  “I never went anywhere,” he said with a bite to his words, “you did.”

  “Freddie...” you furrowed your brow as you lifted your head off his chest, shaking your head as his hands moved away from you, “I didn’t... it’s not like that. I gave you—”

  “You gave me space. I didn’t need space, I didn’t want space” he sneered and you awkwardly smiled at the faces around you before pulling his arm

  “This is not the place for this”

  “You left, not me. You’re the one who stopped us from... having time together”

  “What?” you huffed, shaking your head in confusion, “I didn’t want to give you space, Fred, but you never did anything! You were so focused on Hockey and the life that you made in Anaheim that it didn’t matter how much I was there, you didn’t have time for me. I got the message. I found someone and, yes, I left to try to make it work with him. It didn’t. And now you’re here, and you’re arguing with me because of... what?”

  “What do you mean I never did anything??” it was all he focused on and you could only laugh in response

  “I gave you every chance to do something. I moved across the world for you and you never did anything”

  “NEITHER DID YOU!” he yelled, veins beginning to pop out of his neck

  “I WANTED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FIRST!”

  “WHY?!?!”

  “BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW HOW YOU FELT AND I DIDN’T WANT TO EMBARRASS MYSELF OR RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP!”

  “YEAH WELL... I DIDN’T KNOW THAT” he yelled before clearing his throat and calming himself down. “How ‘bout I tell you now?” he said softly as you trained your eyes on his face, “your smile is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I see when I go to sleep. The smell of your shampoo and your body lotion mix together and I can smell coconut and vanilla for weeks on end without it being anywhere close to me. I hated seeing you with... anyone else because you weren’t with me but I wanted you to be happy. I don’t know how long I’ve loved you but I know that I’m not the same without you. Without you around. Without you with me, near me, beside me, sharing everything with me, dancing with me, laughing with me. You have no idea how many times I wish I would’ve done something sooner, taken charge of my feelings and just told you how I felt — because I should’ve — but I was scared. I just hoped that you’d say it first so that I could hug you and kiss you and finally call you mine” he finally finished his proclamation and you were left completely speechless. “So...” he smirked, having just laid his heart out in front of you, “what do you have to say?”

  “I’m not a possession...” you mumbled

  “What?”

  “I didn’t know you could be so sweet,” you smiled, feeling a warmness in your chest, “I mean I knew you were a big teddy bear but I didn’t know you could be... this sweet” you repeated. “I love you, too, Freddie. I don’t know for how long either but I know that hearing what you said just now, after all this time, was exactly what I needed to tell you how much I love you. How whenever I hear your voice, my heart melts and my body buzzes or how whenever I see your smile I mentally take as many pictures as I can because I don’t know when you’ll let me see it again willingly. I tried to replace you with other people because I never thought you’d ever want me but now here you are, in front of me, saying the sweetest words I’ve ever heard and I’ve never loved you more” you took a breath and waited for him to say something else when you noticed the corners of his lips turn up into a smile before he walked toward you

  “I love you” he placed his hands on the sides of your neck, brushing his thumbs against your cheeks before he leaned down and connected his lips to yours; finally, was all you could think.

  “I love you, too” you smiled when he finally broke the kiss, trailing your hands up his arms to rest them on his shoulders. “I can’t believe it took you two continents, three countries and 22 years to do something”

  “Guess I just needed a push” he whispered against your lips as he moved to pick you up, wrapping his arms under your butt and bringing your chest as close to him as possible

  “I guess so” you whispered back, your hands lingering on his neck until your fingers found his hair, “better late than never.”

[thevividgreenmoss]

My grandfather was awake and lucid for a longish while between late Friday night and Saturday morning apparently first time since this past Sunday when we all thought that was It and crammed ourselves seven people in one sedan that got a flat on the way over of course (as we were leaving the handle of the screen door came off in my hand as I was closing it behind me so the vibe was very on the nose things farcically falling apart that whole goddamn day lol) but then when we made it he was smiling and laughing and talking to and teasing everyone that was there, albeit with much more effort than it would have taken him even just a week earlier when he was already in a really frail state because of his hip surgery. My sister happened to be up later than she usually ever is and got to video call and chat with him for a bit I wanted terribly for my cousin in Colorado to be able to also but by the time he could get through my grandpa's blood pressure had suddenly spiked or something and he'd drifted back into that borderline unconscious state so they didn't get a chance to talk which makes me want to claw my fucking skin off of my face but who knows maybe another opportunity will present itself hopefully it does like he suddenly became really talkative and energized the other day after not having said more than maybe a couple sentences over the few previous days like I was there with him for several hours on Thursday and the entire time he didn't say a word and only opened his eyes once for like half a second and even that I might have been imagining after sitting there sleep-deprived and holding his hand trying not to cry because then my mom would start crying and then my aunt and on and on and if he's conscious at that point he'll start to get worried and his heart rate will destabilize but after that for this one stretch without anyone expecting it he was really talkative and alert and joking around with the nurses and doctors and all that for a while but then later yesterday afternoon he started to get disoriented and drift in and out of the present in between dreaming and waking again at one point apparently he kept saying 'look at my shoes' to my mom and her sisters and they thought it was just just the medication/pain-induced delirium talking but he kept insisting and eventually said 'you're not taking me seriously' and I guess gave up? Or said it a few more times I'm not clear on the course of events I only heard all this secondhand when my younger aunt, who also got diagnosed with cancer late last year but thankfully is more or less in the clear now, got back home last night and she and I went into his room and took all the shoes out of the cabinet he keeps them in and like looked inside and turned over and examined the soles of every pair, took the cushion insert things out of the ones that had them, checked for scooby doo-esque hidden doors, all that but there was nothing there just shoes. Her kids flew back out yesterday morning, the older one's tentatively returning to Toronto in the next week or so she had a painfully rough time in some ways her first couple of years and then abruptly had to be uprooted and leave because of covid then everything with her mom and in time honored eldest daughter tradition bearing the brunt of the familial frustration and insanity associated with that and now everything with our grandpa I really really want her senior year to go smoothly and be enjoyable and memorable in a manner opposite to how this past year+ has been I'm so worried about her and her little sister's starting freshman year there in the fall and I'm terribly worried about her in a whole different way like she's still really attached to her parents in this innocent way that still strongly resembles like a baby's adoring my mom hung the moon type attachment and it can be especially hard being away for the first time ever when that's the case...like she's hyper hypersensitive even by my family's standards lmao but she does have this sort of self-possession and inner groundedness that no one can quite pin down but it's

definitely there and maybe that

could carry her through I really hope so...they were saying to come up to visit them in the fall hopefully I can find a job soon after returning to Texas and like be able to afford to do that and also like keep paying the bills and shit lol in either case I hope so so badly that they'll be okay like I think they will be the women in my family are all really strong but they've also had to be because of various fucked circumstances and I don't want that to keep having to be the case...my grandpa's a Strong Woman in a certain way also honestly lmao like my mom's aunts have always been like your father raised you in a way beyond even most mothers which like who fucking receives let alone genuinely deserves that kind of praise from their in-laws lmao let alone a man from a notoriously patriarchal culture of a generation when fathers from any culture barely had any involvement in their children's upbringing at all which I mean most still don't but even more so back then and like literally everyone we've been hearing from or seeing drop by at the hospital has a story of how at one point or another my grandpa was there for them when no one else was like distant cousins variously removed and loose family friends all with something about how he comforted me when no one else could, I remember word for word what he said to me when I suffered some loss of my own, he's the strongest man in our family, the best times we ever had were when he was near us, when he'd take us out, his youngest brother's children saying he cared for and spoiled them as if their were his own after their dad died suddenly when they were just kids, my mom's third cousin whose own father was with her till a late age saying that he was even more of a father to me than my own father, his other brother's son who was ostracized for decades by his immediate family on some straight up racist ass bullshit on the part of his mom and older brother because he married a black woman but my grandpa stayed in touch and made sure my mom and uncle did as well and made sure we all got together when he'd came to the states, like even now lying there on what very well might be his literal deathbed when he can barely talk he was telling my uncle he's worried about him and he needs to go home and rest, asking who's taking care of the house, are the kids all okay even at this point his thoughts are for others. After I put his shoes back in the cabinet I closed it and opened the one beside just in case I guess just in case what I don't know but it was just like standard cabinet stuff clothes a shaving kit and a couple of what I assume are photo albums that I didn't feel like I should open for some reason and a few old books, a collection of Ghalib's which I can't really read very easily if at all because it's in Urdu lol, a history of government college of Lahore where his father was teaching at the time of his death and the two philosophy textbooks my great grandfather had written himself, Inductive & Deductive Reasoning, and inside the latter I found a handful of yellowed pages torn out of an old notebook upon which mostly seem to be translations of french poems and I think maybe a song or two? I guess old coursework or just for funsies I'm not sure whether written by my grandfather or his own father. My khala was mentioning just the other day that she'd kept one of my grandpa's old notebooks marked as having been designated for biology but inside it were no actual notes just urdu poetry which she wasn't sure whether it was his own original tossed off work or something the lifelong frustrated creative transcribed while bored in class. The night I got here I was looking through his bookshelves after everyone had gone to bed and then a couple of weeks ago I was sitting in the living room by myself watching archer when my cousin came and sat down next to me upset and unable to sleep on her own first night here and I held her and tried not to cry and then went through the same bookshelves again, this time with my cousin who we came to Pakistan for the first time after moving to the US

to see being born who turned three

the day we arrived on what until this current trip was the last time I was here her little sister having just been born earlier that same year (whose life I may or may not have saved when I caught her after she was dropped by the person holding her (the fact that (parentheticals within parentheticals!) I may or may not have been the one who dropped her in the first place is immaterial imo not that I'm the one on trial here but what's important is that I caught her and if anything this would be an even more athletically impressive and frankly heroic incident if I'd been the one that was holding her to begin with since I was 8/9 years old at the time and there wasn't much of a distance for her to fall and yet I kept her from hitting the ground like talk about reflexes like that's what's important and what's more important than even that @ my year older cousin (whose younger sister was the first baby in the family after myself whose arrival in this world when I was three had me positively giddy in the way that young children get when witnessing the miracle of even younger children, who's the only other one of the cousins that's been here during all this, just me and the three I got to see as darling little babies) who was the only other person in the room with me at the time, is that we take this to our fucking graves no one can hear a word of this least of all any adults in the house who like not that they're the ones on trial here either but like who allowed for this scenario to transpire in the first place where two children and an infant are in a room by themselves unsupervised in retrospect that's somewhat irresponsible not that I'd ever hold it against them or even mention it because then they might get mad and not let me hold my little cousin anymore and I do love holding my little baby cousin and carrying her around everywhere, mostly without incident)) neither of whom I'd see in person again until we visited them in Canada the summer after I graduated college the trip during which I finished the last of the Neapolitan novels the day after landing and turned 22 the day after their mother, my younger khala, turned 43, looking through my nana's bookshelves with my baby cousin no longer a baby but a U of T classics major entering her senior year, noting the overlaps with our own, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, George Eliot, the same exact copies of Cheever and Kafka's collected shorts, Umberto Eco, Proust, wondering what the various titles meant to him or what they might say about him, wondering how much of even the version of him that can be hypothesized based off his library I'm missing now that I'm limited to the much reduced version of what had been in his old home in Lahore (when he visited us after my junior year of hs and my mom was trying to convince him to downsize and move in with my other aunt with whom he's been living the past several years, the one who most resembles my grandfather the only one that has his cheekbones my khala whose eyes have sunken all the way into her skull before my eyes with exhaustion and grief over the past two weeks, when my mom was like what's the point of just hanging onto a bunch of books that you've already read: I look at them [dramatic pause], and I feel happy [my mom sighing equally dramatically in.exasperation, me cracking up in the background]) the city I was born in the house where I spent the first almost five years of my life before we moved to the US to join my dad who'd moved back shortly after my mom became pregnant with what turned out to be me, abu nana's house with the garden we'd walk through every morning holding his hand and following along as he puttered around with his plants in the garden in the house in the city he had to leave to move into my khala's house in Islamabad where I've been the past almost a month now where two weeks ago he suddenly came down with pneumonia and had to be dragged to a hospital in Rawalpindi where he's been since, not in his house, my nana's house, with the garden in the city I haven't seen since the last time I was in this country the

summer I

turned nine the day after my khala turned 30 the day before my other khala turned 32(?) the summer I first remember obsessive compulsive disorder becoming an overwhelming aspect of my consciousness although it was there before, the first summer of the Iraq war and being terrified watching the Iraq war unfold on the BBC evening news my nana would turn on

at dinner time and hearing for the first time or maybe just the first time I remember the night we left the phrase 'the rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer' from my younger khala talking to her sisters and some family friends that had come over to see us off feeling terrified and cold then embarrassed because she noticed my face visibly fall from across the room and told my mom and I was like godammit everyone knows I'm scared now smhead then crying the entire flight back home because I missed everyone and maybe had a little kid premonition that I wouldn't return to my nana's house and I would be years and years till I saw any of them again some I still haven't or maybe there was nothing premonitory about it but in either case that's the way it turned out. I do feel grateful I got to see him again at all, when he last came to the US late 2016-early 2017 I was sure it would be the last time we would be in the same room. I'd make breakfast for us every morning and we'd eat together and the entire day I'd sit next to him inhaling secondhand smoke and talking and reading. I was in the midst of my initial aborted attempt to read Swann's way when he arrived. I'd gotten to Guermantes way last summer but I couldn't find a secondhand copy so I had to read it via ebook and that didn't feel right so I abandoned it until now I've been reading a copy pulled from his bookshelf. Last he visited was the first time I learned we were both Garcia Marquez-heads which I'd kind of assumed before and I showed him Mad Men which he heavily fucked with and also every John Le Carre adaptation I could track down online. From the first time I read one hundred years of solitude the summer after freshman year of college the passage describing Colonel Aureliano Buendia's death already absolutely and unbearably heartwrenching enough immediately brought thoughts of my grandfather, aching aching sorrow over the solitude that he himself existed within in all the fucking pain his life has been inordinately filled with grief over the knowledge of this inevitable final separation from him after so many years and so much distance already having separated him from the people he loved and cared for and he loved and cared for so many people so deeply with such sincerity and beauty and endless endless warmth and compassion and humor when Gabo wrote of the colonel trying to reach back through to his memories and being unable to after previously recalling that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice even years later, as he faced the firing squad, at the moment of his death like a 'baby chick' my poor frail beautiful grandfather appearing exactly the same way when he'd take off his dentures and curl over to the side to sleep, then when awake but still half asleep hearing your voice having brought his apple cider vinegar and garlic concoction or a cup of tea or just coming by to hold his hand or play with his beard the way all of his grandchildren have at one point or another and smiling with his eyes still closed smiling bright and wide the expression of a precious little cat purring as you scratch under its chin always the most beautiful smile and even as his hair turned white and his body withered and wrinkled and shrunk his cheekbones while still not bad long ago ceased being the way they were in that picture from his wedding day back when he he looked like young Robert De Niro's much much prettier Kashmiri cousin from then until now always that same radiance and those same quick-witted and kind and bright bright bright sparkling eyes. The past month and a half I've been feeling like I'm seeing my own mother dying before my eyes along with her father, my adorable beloved abu nana, I can't even begin to comprehend how she must be feeling right now I feel like I'm witnessing her death in advance through all of this and losing the part of her that is him even though I know that's not actually the case. Things have been so fucking painful and complicated between us but the one thing we've shared that's never

been painful is our love for him. When he left after his last visit four years ago I spent the next two days barely able to even talk. Compliments or like any positive comments directed in my directions have almost always caused me this reflexive discomfort and uneasiness but whenever he or anyone else would say that I'm his favorite grandchild I'd want to hold on to that as closely as i possibly can. I don't want him to leave us and more than that I want for whatever happens to at least happen with him back at home but neither of those things seem likely right now although who the fuck knows. I hope his last thoughts can be of flowers, like Kafka's, and Lispector's, or of love, wherever he is I hope it's not asking too much to hope for that at least. For someone that spent his life so deeply immersed within that Garciamarquesian solitude he never made those around him feel any way other than at home, safe and warm and loved and adored and adorable and lovable and at home not because of a place not even the garden at the house in Lahore but with him always always I've never felt more at home than during the times I spent near him, and his love and his flowers

[fallingsunflower]

So, I guess here comes the Camille ☕️ (if you wanna call it that)

Sorry in advance this gonna be a fucking long one.

If you have any questions just ask.

I honestly don’t know if I should be impressed or concerned that my brain still remembers so much details about this shitshow. But I guess their plan did work in the end.

So you asked about Camille. I honestly don’t even know where to start with that one. I don’t know for how long you’ve been a fan of Harry and how intensively you stan him, but this one send my bullshit detector right off in the same way that Holivia does.

Can’t really explain it but I just smell if something isn’t right. It’s not only that way with Harry but in general. I just KNOW if something doesn’t add up.

The reason hamille wasn’t overdone and ppl believe it was bc it was marketed to be real. It wasn’t for promo in the sense Holivia is or to be shoved in ppls faces. The point was to have a relationship to fall back on when his album came out to be the “long term relationship” described in the songs. To have a certain narrative if you want to call it that.

They only were papped 2 (+the time at the Classic East concert.) They went to really popular places where you only go to when you want to get papped.

Other than that they only posted „sneaky fanpics“ which was on purpose to make them look „private“ but they were anything but that.

I actually had saved so much stuff as proof till recently when I deleted it all bc it honestly has been 3 years and I didn’t think I needed it anymore to help me explain lol. And please don’t make the mistake of looking up Hamille timelines, bc they’re all created by shipper afterwards so 95% of the shit is wrong, in the wrong order or they added the wrong pics to certain events. (If you want to look for pics, specific dates and stuff look them up individually and NOT through shipper pages or similar shit.)

Alright, back to explaining why it was so obvious. Disclaimer: I‘m just gonna point out the most obvious things but there is way more.

Harry started following Camille back in June 2016. They have several mutual friends (Waseem, Alexa Chung, Matt Hitt etc) so I assume they‘ve met before. She didn’t follow back though till shortly before the „relationship“ started. So after Harry followed her in 2016 she started to tag him in posts of her and her friends ass and did that video moaning his name while grabbing her boobs (classy 🤢). Shortly afterwards Harry unfollowed for a while and started follow her again before the mess began.

Fast forward to 2017. After doing „Dunkirk“ and about to bring his debut album out they started the first attempt at what I call a failed narrative with Tess. Not gonna go over that again bc one anon pointed out right how fake it was. They got rid of her rather quickly after she posted several times from his house which wasn’t the „private way“ they intended it to go.

So they were looking for someone to replace her. Cue Camille entering the scene.

Perfect person for the narrative as she’s half french (goes well with Dunkirk promo), is a VS model, have mutual friends and she has several ex bf who have written songs/albums about her. She’s the picture perfect muse for his second album.

Please let’s first talk about chemistry and body language bc I can’t even say how awkward they always were around each other. First the two pap pics from the sushi place and in front of the gym/ yoga place: both times both had closed off body language either crossed arms, Harry walking 3 steps ahead, faces didn’t look pleased at all and rather irritated or as of they just had a fight/ were in the middle of a fight (especially the pic from in front of the yoga place). No touching or anything involved in any pap pics. If you didn’t knew they were supposedly „dating“ you wouldn’t see it.

Let’s get to their behavior at the „sightings“: they weren’t seen much together outside of touring. But when they were seen we got pics in like 95% of the cases and people meeting them always said they didn’t seem like a couple (apart from shippers who made up shit about them all the time).

Even in every „sneaky pic“ there was as much chemistry as in Holivia -> none!

We got a few pics or even videos were you could see them backstage or besides the stage (e.g. 2017 Toronto show: while Muna is on stage Harry and Camille stand awkwardly 3 feet apart from each other, both closed off body language, not interacting with each other. You’d think as they were still in their honeymoon phase at that time and in private, seemingly not knowing that anyone could see them that they acted more coupley or at least would not stand there like 🧍🏻 🧍🏻. (Have you seen him interact with Xander while watching 1D’s opening act? Total opposite to Hamilel and they were „just friends“. Also in other pics Harry would rather cling to her bag / coat etc that he was holding so he didn’t had to touch her or anything. I think the only time we saw them „touch“ was that Classic east concert („relationship debut“) when he awkwardly held her shoulders and she was swaying weirdly. She even tried to touch him or get him to sway with her but he shot that down immediately 🤣. I could go on for longer but you get what I mean...

The next weird thing is, that she was down in literally the pit or sitting with „regular fans“ 97% of the time. Without Harry’s bodyguard around. Sometimes Jeff was with her but mostly she stood there alone. Everyone knew that she wasn’t really popular and liked around fans, so why would you put your gf in the pit with all the crazys or why would you as a gf want to be in the crowd at most shows when you could watch from the side of the stage or backstage? Also the fact that we always knew when she was at a show because she was always „spotted“ even the few times she was indeed staying at the side of the stage, she didn’t stay hidden. Sometimes we even joked about how she wanted to be part of the band or something by how close she stood there in the open. But whenever Anne for example was on tour or close friends of his or whatever they always had someone walking with them for protection and Anne never was like „in the pit“ like Camille. She never followed any of Harry‘s close private friends or family. Only people who she could gain something from. Like Lambert, Jeff, Teasedale, the Crawford’s etc. And she was never at any of the London or Manchester shows where basically all of his friends and family were. Even though she would have had definitely time bc she posted herself and friends doing nothing or trolling in LA all the time in that time. When she was at that show in Paris in 2018, she brought her friend who lives in Paris and her cousin I think. We got backstage pics of them all and Harry and Camille staying as far away from each other in that pic as possible. She was seen leaving as well after that show with her friends out through the main entrance. This was also the show Anne was at and an awkward hugging video of them both came out. Tbh it’s not clear where Camille and co were sitting bc they moved around the arena the whole night. At one point you can see Anne and Camille standing next to each other and all of a sudden Camille was „hugging“ Anne but Anne was so surprised that she was just standing there like 🧍🏼‍♀️ and waited till it was over (that „hug“ looked more like as if Camille tried to tackle Anne 😂). Also serious question and not to make it sound weird, but it deadass looked in that video as if Camille just waited for a sign to go for that hug and that it was being recorded. Because the way the camera was pointing at them all of a sudden and they were just lucky enough to catch that on camera? Yeah sure...

Not to forget, she didn’t seem to have a lanyard like for example Anne had, so everyone would knew that she could move around the arena and crew as she wanted which is fucking weird not to have as a girlfriend especially if you’re apparently on tour for many dates. This also mean she couldn’t join them when she wanted but had to contact Jeff or Harry before so they could give her a lanyards for that specific date or a sticker with AAA. Sometimes she wore a lanyard but that was literally the VIP lanyard that you got when you bought a VIP ticket like any other fan. Didn’t mean she could move freely around the venue. Even weirder is that she put that AAA sticker on the back of her phone after she left tour 2018 and placed it obviously in lots of her insta stories and posts on insta (one where you can see that sticker is still up). Fan behavior not that of a real girlfriend!

Camilles mum followed Hamille shipper accounts at one point and liked a post of them. After that shippers were unbearable. Which mum follows a shipper account on insta? 😬

What I also find weird is that she was barely working and when she did she posted only like 2 about it. I mean it’s part of her job to post stuff like that?! But she went radio silent more often then not to let fans guess if she was with him or if she would turn up somewhere.

Her friends who are all are well in their 30s or older made often „jokes“ about Harry or implied stuff about him or 1D and posted this on their stories and she was laughing with them most of the time... what a girlfriend huh...

Another thing is, she was never at his house in London. Because she was never at any of the UK dates besides that one gig he did for X -factor. They were not much in London at the same time. And when she was alone in London or with her friend, they literally stayed at an AirBnB or a hotel. So I ask you, why would she as his gf of a few months not stay at his place while she’s in the UK? Or that one time when she was in the UK making it look like she was waiting for him coming back from tour in Asia and he stayed extra long there (a week or two) even after tour in Asia finished and she was in London. But he went rather out partying in London. I don’t blame him.

When she was at his show in Milan (2017) she met a „fan“ and they took a selfie in the restroom (classy 🥴🤐) during the concert. Idk but this is one thing which is really questionable bc people were speculating she was at this show but we hadn’t gotten pics yet. So that she then took a pic with a „fan“ coincidentally seems really fishy to me. Also that said „regular fan“ had allegedly floor tickets as you could see in the videos and pics she posted in the beginning of the concert. But after the pic with Camille she all of sudden appeared on the balcony as well, close to where Camille and more VIP guests were. So how did she end up there if she didn’t have connections or was told to take a pic with her so then being on the balcony was her „reward“? To add this woman was close to Camilles age so this scenario makes just less and less sense the longer you think about it.

In May she was still on tour with her then bf in Tokio. In July just two weeks before they were seen together for the first time that awkward Grimmy interview happened. Where he specifically asked about her. And Harry said he „ didn’t know her“. Fucking weird to bring up such a private topic on radio and then be seen not even 2 weeks later. (Not gonna argue on that one, it’s the same like the wedding weekend pap walk just more subtle).

Then there were so many pics of him backstage at that concert, pics with fans, official pics, „sneaky fan sightings“ in the audience... He looked rather uncomfortable holding her shoulders while she was dancing. We know Harry goes often to concerts but when did we ever get so many pics from one? Mostly it’s a blurry pic of him or one backstage pic with the artist, not like the ones we got and certainly not that many. Plus we got an relationship article the day after.

Funny is also how he was on vacation in Muskoka with the Gerbers and Anne at the end of July 2017 shortly before the first spotting of Hamille and Camille no where to be seen.

Now I‘m gonna point out inconsistencies and such might be in chronological order, might be not.

I think the next time we saw them was a „sneaky fan pic“ (just the two of them) without a source from Beverly Hills hotel at lunch. Her friend Lauren posted a instastory being at that hotel right then and there and deleted the story like 5 minutes afterwards. She wasn’t in the pic of the „fan“ so my bet is she was the one taking the pic.

Coming to the stunt props. The „ring“ he was suddenly wearing on his pinky was from Camille. She only wore it once for a photoshoot in 2013 and then all of a sudden she wore it in every story she posted for the next 2 weeks right BEFORE he was wearing it and literally made such a show out of showing that ring that it was so cringey to watch at.

Not to forget his Pink Floyd shirt that was featured in his Rolling Stones mag interview that she not only wore but posted a few instastorys with showing it up close so every Harry fan could identify it from the distinctive holes in it.

Funny was the times she wore „his necklace“ and again posted several stories wearing it and even went to an event with it that Kendall wore before. After people pointed the connection to Kendall out, she never wore it again 😂😂 Harry being papped leaving a gym while wearing Camilles ex shirt was peak comedy.

Camille making a post saying „goodbye“ to her friend Lauren before Christmas in a really distinctive fur coat. Then New Years dinner pics with Jeff, Camille and co came out. Harry looking bored as always around her. Then the weirdest thing: he took fan pics while holding Camilles distinctive fur coat in his hands in every fucking pic. And it wasn’t that cold to wear a fur coat! Why couldn’t she hold it herself while he took the pics or Jeff or put it on the chair beside him? That wasn’t really slick of them.

Then Camille having a girls trip to Corsica and literally posting so fucking often being girls only in cars an what not. Harry was in London out with Mitch and was also seen on other occasions so I assume he went to Corsica for maybe 2 days max to get pics in. (Her cousin/ goddaughter of her mum posted a pic with Harry in Corsica in 2018 from that time). Mind you they could have just „dating“ for maybe 5 week’s max at that time bc they were never at the same place at the same time before maybe late June, and that’s when Robin died and he was home so I doubt that’s when they met. I assume 1.st proper meeting was in early July or after the Grimmy interview.

Harry filmed the Manchester special for his album in Manchester literally right before he went to HC with Camille. Yet Grimmy, one of his best friends at least at that time, never followed her or hung out together.

The next thing is her being in Holmes Chapel. She hinted at it on insta, like she did EVERY time she would be around Harry. Also appearing in every pic of him in the background when she was around. Even posted a story of random people with Harry’s voice in the background. That’s also a point why it was so obviously fake.

She posted in a train and captioned it with something like „England ❤️“ and then a cow (similar to Olivia with the hedgehog and caption) and then appeared in every pic we got of him that weekend.

She turned up to several of his shows, yet NEVER to his hometown shows (neither London or Manchester) where all his family and friends were at. She also only followed people beneficial to her career like Lambert, Jeff and co but never anyone of his real friends or family even though Gemma followed her after Christmas 2017 (which was taken as the „proof“ that they spend Christmas in HC🤦🏻‍♀️ and we got this photoshopped pic of Hamille which turned out was an old pic of originally Harry and Gemma. Glenne also never followed her and Camille was also never seen with Glenne it was only ever Jeff around and people noticed that (probably why we got now the joyride etc including Glenne).

Ok so what do we have next? The charity gig where his mum celebrated her 50th bday with everyone wearing a yellow flower crown. Everyone besides Camille. She wasn’t invited and just was brought to them while Harry was already singing a song, Gemma looking annoyed in the video her friend posted. Before Harry’s set was over someone came and took Camille with them again while Anne, Gemma and co stayed in the crowd. So why was she even going to them and didn’t stay backstage if she clearly wasn’t invited to celebrate with Anne and co and left before Harry even finished his set. We got also pics of a bday dinner with Anne, Harry, Gemma and all the friends from the concert but without Camille. This was also the gig where he was groped on stage.

After that charity gig in late October Harry went to tour in Europe. He stopped wearing the ring and seemed happier than before somehow. I went to the Cologne show and let me tell you, it was fucking nuts! His energy and the way he was smirking all the time not to forget Kiwi twice.

You’d think Camille would have been quiet now on sm that Harry wasn’t around, but it was exactly the opposite! It was like as if she had to remind everyone that that „relationship“ was still „on“ after he ditched that ring bc she was literally unbearable on insta. We got her and friends singing SOTT on karaoke (while she was wearing the Kendall necklace like mentioned previously), then she did a whole photoshoot (sorry but that’s just what it was) with her friends Djuna + Nik whit a very distinctive blue totebag Harry was carrying around just a week or two before while meeting fans in LA and she did the same thing like she did with the ring and posed with that bag in every angle. As if all that wasn’t enough in the space of 3 days she then celebrated Halloween with her friends and 2 or 3 of them wore costumes that reminded of 1D and Harry. All this happened between his cologne show and Halloween. Trolling at its best.

Then Camille decided to turn up to tour in Europe but she didn’t choose days when he actually had time off (even though she evidently didn’t do anything in LA besides trolling the last few days) so she decided to pop up when Harry had shows back to back and needed to travel to them as they were all over Europe. He had two more Berlin 7.11. and an event in London on the 6th) before she turned up on 8.11. in Amsterdam where she met Ella his cousin who followed Camille then (but Camille never followed back), 9.11. Italy x-factor, 10.11. Milan , 11.11. London X-Factor). He clearly didn’t have any time then which gets even more ridiculous if you know that she was back in LA by Monday the 13th the latest bc a photographer „exposed“ her being on set early that day. So why did she even bother turning up to tour that time when she could have done earlier and be at his homeshows?

Another thing is, when Harry went to NYC at the end of January 2018 to perform with Fleetwood Mac he didn’t take her instead he took Jeff and Xander was there as well. But no Camille. Right before was one of the rare times they got papped. Harry as always looking irritated around her. And them looking as if the soccer mom collected her son from practice😂

On his b-day her friend Lauren posted Camille chilling at their home reading and hanging out with her. Harry was officially MIA but a good friend of mine actually saw him while walking her dog the next day in Hampstead rather covered up with another guy (assuming his trainer or PA) trying not to be seen. She is not a huge fan of Harry and only knows him bc I‘ m a fan but she texted me right away saying something was weird about how he was trying to not be seen.

And on cue allegedly someone (real estate Agent from London) said he was on her flight to London over a week later (even though I knew he was already there for a while).

So the last time they were actually seen together was the day they were papped (I think that was even the day of the Grammys).

Then the thing about her quitting smoking bc she was „ dating“ Harry 🤣🤣. The way she even lied about that. She posted a video and made a few instastorys throughout that year to say how long she didn’t smoke at that time „bla, bla, bla“ and Harries ate that shit up. She was caught so many times lying in regards to that. Her friends and co were the ones to always expose her accidentally. She appeared in so many stories in her friends stories were she smoked a cigarette and not „just“ a juul like she always liked to pretend (not that a juul would be any better lol). Harry probably didn’t like it when he had to be around her for longer periods of time and she would smoke around him or smell of smoke so she had to pretend she cared for his sake and quit publicly. To say is also that she publicly started smoking again after she came back from tour end of March/beginning of April 2018.

Now speaking of the big tour in 2018. Camille seemed to had joined tour again at some point. She was at the Paris show like mentioned earlier but then only joined tour 2 dates or something later in. Someone „exposed“ her of staying with friends in each city she went on tour with at that time instead of staying with him. I think he also got fed up with her bc Harry & band + some of the crew went to museums in each city. But of course Camille had to post something every time they were at a museum and so it didn’t take long till fans caught on and turned up en masse in these museums so he couldn’t go there anymore. I would have been pissed too if I were him. And girls who’s dad is the director of one of the museums did meet Harry at the museum and he invited them to the show and backstage. These girls said Harry and Camille didn’t look or behave like a couple at the museum, he was mostly around the band and she on her own. And backstage the same thing. She was kinda just there and nothing more. Not long after that she left tour and only turned up at the Ireland show and then later the NYC and LA one.

Speaking of the Ireland show, that must have been the most awkward thing ever. I saw a few videos from people who did constantly film the side of the stage and she is staying alone there with the sound guys while Mabel was performing and Harry was standing backstage with Jeff and the band, watching Mabel and preparing for their prank they did on Mabel.

Twice Harry is walking past Camille and didn’t even acknowledge her. She was once again just standing there. You could almost feel bad for her, but only almost. Then he went to prank Mabel on stage with the rest of the band and was so affectionate with Mabel something you never saw him be with Camille.

After that show the trolling did turn down a bit for a while but like 2 days before the concert she posted a Mick Jagger pic and everyone knew she would turn up in NYC. And she proved us right bc she posted about being on a plane the minute she stepped foot in said plane 🤦🏻‍♀️. At the show itself she was in the crowd/pit with with Xander, Waseem, Matt Hitt & Jeff but Jeff had to fetch her again a lanyard at first for that day bc she still hadn’t one although allegedly „dating“ him for nearly a year at that time. You’d think she had one for the whole tour but nope. And after the concert Harry was once again out with friends while she stayed with another friend in NYC. Between the NYC and LA show she was seen being cosy with Alexander Skarsgard and then her now bf Theo Niarchos. To the LA show she turned up with Djuna, Nik and another friend. All of them sat up pretty high in the nosebleeds while Kendall and co where in the family and friends lounge right above pit. And Camille and co left a little earlier before the show finished and left through the front entrance. Suspicious is also that the „break up“ was announced like exactly on the year mark of the start their „relationship“. Sorry that I wrote so much. And I probably still missed a lot but I hope it’s gotten clear what I mean.

I'm still reading this through but wanted to post for those asking about it!!

Thank you!

[fandammit]

Look how long this love can hold its breath (1/4)

Part Ben Gross character study, part slowburn adolescent romance. 

*******

I’ve hoarded

your name in my mouth for months. My throat

is a beehive pitched in the river. Look!

Look how long this love can hold its breath.

-Sierra DeMulder, “Your Love Finds Its Way Back”

The first assignment of their Freshman year Honors English class is to write a letter to themselves. 

“I want us to capture this very moment -- who we are, what we love, what we hate, what we want,” Mrs. Allen announces with a grand flourish, and he thinks that maybe she would be better suited for drama kids in Theatre than for neurotic, type-A students of this Honors class. “I want us to trap it in amber -- preserve it so that in four years, I can give you back those very same letters and we can marvel at who we were!”

He sneaks a glance over at Devi and can immediately see they’re both thinking the same thing -- it's ridiculous and cheesy, but they’re both willing to go along with it without any fuss.

English teachers tend to have some kind of corny getting-to-know you activity, and despite this overly sentimental first assignment, he’s only heard good things about Mrs. Allen’s class.

So, that night he loads up his printer with his 32 pound bond paper (to show that he takes this assignment seriously) and goes to work trying to capture this moment of his life in amber.

Even saying it in his head makes him want to roll his eyes (he thinks Devi must be thinking the same thing, then immediately thinks about how he can make his letter better than hers).

He knows what Mrs. Allen said -- that this isn’t really an assignment inasmuch as it is a time capsule; that it isn’t a resume, but just a friendly letter so she can get to know them.

But Ben Gross hasn’t gotten this far with his GPA and academic transcript because he’s taken teachers at face value.

He doesn’t lie  -- he honestly doesn’t need to, really. His list of extracurriculars and hobbies take up nearly half a page on their own, and his write-up about his pathway to becoming a diplomat is incredibly detailed and specific.

It’s only when he gets to the final question that he hesitates.

What’s one aspect of your life that you think would make a fun movie and why? Describe it to me!

He re-reads the question, then re-reads his letter and frowns. He clearly comes across as competent and confident -- which is what he was going for -- but also a little dry. This question is obviously designed to see if he has some personality.

Which, you know, of course he does. He’s just not sure how to put that on paper so that Mrs. Allen will see that he’s a well-rounded, intelligent but not overwhelmingly dull honors student.

He thinks about writing about his Bar Mitzvah and Blake Griffin -- that would be pretty cool to see in a movie -- but a voice that sounds suspiciously like Devi’s pops into his mind and calls him lame. He thinks about the time he sat next to Drake in first class on the way to Toronto with his dad, and this time an image of Devi rolling her eyes pops into his head.

He leans back in his chair and wonders what Devi is writing about. She probably has half a dozen stories to choose from, each one more exciting and endearing than the last, and each one bursting with the kind of personality that teachers -- for the most part -- seem to find charming rather than obnoxious (which is what it is).

He’ll never admit it out loud, but even though he knows that he can be charming when he needs to be, there’s an easy charisma to Devi that he’s never been quite able to replicate.  

He frowns at that thought, then scowls at the rather wide tangent his thought process has taken.

The cursor blinks at him as an idea slowly takes shape in his mind. He writes about the long rivalry between him and Devi -- the back and forth exchanges in class that became back and forth exchanges of first prize and first place and ‘best of’ certificates. The sixth grade disaster of their competing Oregon Trail projects, which almost got them both suspended and lead to a long enough truce for them to divide up any extracurricular and project they might ever take part in.

By the time he’s done with his fictional movie, it’s overtaken his letter; the answer to that one question as long as all the rest of his answers combined.

He reads over it and edits a word here and there, rearranges a couple sentences. Not to toot his own horn, but there’s now a buttload of personality in this letter in addition to proof of his competence, confidence and intelligence.

He ignores the smug-sounding voice of Devi in the back of his mind telling him that he couldn’t have done it without her.

*******

Mrs. Allen takes all their letters with a smile on her face and gathers them close to her chest.

“I can’t wait to get to know you better! Reading these letters is the best way to start my year, and in four years, you guys are going to love reading them back to yourselves.”

She turns and puts the letters in a filing cabinet, which gives him the chance to roll his eyes without her seeing.

She turns back to the class and claps her hands together.

“Now this second one -- it’s not everyone’s favorite, but I personally love it because it lets me see everyone in a different light.”

He groans inwardly, basically sure that she’s going to announce some kind of partner or group project, which he absolutely loathes. It’s way too early for someone to dull his shine in this class (or, in the case of Devi, threaten to eclipse him).

Unfortunately, the second assignment is much, much worse than a group project.

“This assignment isn’t for you,” Mrs. Allen says as she starts to hand out the assignment sheet. “It’s for your parents!”

Anxiety gnaws at the pit of his stomach the minute she says it.

“For homework, I need your a parent or guardian or uncle or aunt or grandparent to write a letter about you to me. It doesn’t really matter who specifically it is, it just should be someone who has helped raise you and shape you to become the person you are today. I give suggestions on that sheet about what I’d like them to write about, but really, those are just suggestions.” She smiles brightly at the class. “Basically, I want to see a different perspective on you. This helps me get to know you better and whoever takes care of you at the same time.”

The anxiety has eaten through his stomach and is now going to town on his liver.

“And I know that your parents are busy people, so they have until the end of the week to complete it.”

He slinks as far down in his chair without seeming disrespectful, trying to figure out a way to keep his anxiety from ravaging his lungs.

“What’s wrong, Gross,” Devi asks to the right of him. “Afraid your dad won’t be able to write anything nice about you?”

He shoots up in his chair and glares at her.

“More like I’m trying to figure out how to make sure my dad doesn’t go over the page limit because I’m so awesome.”

She rolls her eyes and turns back to talk to Fabiola, as he turns his attention back to the paper on his desk.

His parents are both out of town until Friday -- his mom’s at some kind of rejuvenation spa and his father is brokering a deal with some artist named Clairo -- so he knows he won’t be able to ask either of them. It makes sense -- they’re busy and this assignment is stupid, and he should really argue about it except that Devi doesn’t seem to care about it in the slightest and has already put the assignment sheet in her binder.

Putting up a fight about it would admit to a weakness -- his only one, really -- and he’d rather drop out of the class or fail than admit that to her. Er. To anyone.

For just a moment, he considers asking Patti, who does meet all the criteria -- she is someone who’s helped raise him and shape him to be the person that he is. He dismisses the idea in the next moment, because even if she technically fits the parameters, he can only imagine the kind of pity he’d get from Mrs. Allen when she reads a letter written by his house manager. He needs Mrs. Allen to be impressed by him, not feel sorry for him.

He thinks about that letter over the next few days and finally comes up with a compromise -- he writes it himself, but from the perspective of his dad.

He then emails it to his dad, who signs it, scans it and sends it back as an attachment with an email that says Couldn’t have written better myself! You’re so smart! Love you!

He takes that as confirmation that all those things he said about himself as his dad were true, and tries to tell himself it feels just as good as if his dad had actually written them.

*******

The following Monday, he overhears Mrs. Allen tell Devi that her father’s letter was so beautiful and heartfelt that it made her cry.

He doesn’t hear what Devi says in return -- some just-right mixture of pride and genuine gratitude, he’s sure -- just turns away and pretends to rifle through his backpack.

There’s a pang in his heart that he tells himself isn’t jealousy, and an odd sense of relief when Mrs. Allen passes by his desk without saying anything at all.

*******

That assignment is the second thing he thinks about when he hears about Devi’s dad and the orchestra concert (the first thought is something that can’t be put into words -- a kind of bottomless sadness shot through with a concern he doesn’t know what to do with).

He wonders if Mrs. Allen will give that letter back to Devi. If doing so would be an unbearable kindness or an unspeakable cruelty. If Devi would even open it if she did.

Mostly he wonders if Devi is ok, and what would make her feel better.

After hours of thinking about it, he realizes he doesn’t know. It makes him feel sad -- or useless, maybe -- that even though he’s known her for almost his entire life, all he knows is how to piss her off.

He briefly thinks about deliberately tanking a test this week to make her feel better, then realizes that he:

A. Is so smart that he probably wouldn’t be able to tank a test, even if he tried.

and

B. Devi would know -- she always knows when he’s up to something -- and it would do nothing but piss her off even more.

So he studies his ass off and gets a higher grade than she does on their Biology test. Her nostrils flare when she sees the grade on his test, and for a moment he really does feel bad -- maybe he should’ve tried to tank the test after all.

But then her eyes flash with something that isn’t sadness for the first time in weeks, and he’s so absurdly happy to see it that he doesn’t even come up with an insult when she lobs one in his direction.

He tells himself it’s because having a nemesis who’s all in makes him a better student, but when she gives a full-on victory cry in class a week later because she’s beaten him on their English test by half a point, that same absurd kind of glee is back with it.

A small part of him thinks maybe he’s just happy that she’s happy, in whatever small way she can be right now. The larger part of him ignores that, and studies twice as hard for their upcoming Algebra test.

*******

He thinks about that letter again on the way home from the Model U.N. trip, as he watches her freeze the moment an ambulance comes shrieking down the street.  

His mind is a jumbled mess of emotion -- anger at the way the conference ended, confusion at the way things have seemingly ended between him and Devi -- but all that fades away in a wave of concern as he sees Devi force herself to take steady breaths.

He almost wants to ask if she’s ok, but in the next moment she catches him looking at her and snaps a question, and he’s so mixed up and off-balance that he falls back on what the two of them do best -- insults and sarcasm.

It’s comfortable, but it doesn’t settle him, and for the first time (maybe not for the first time) he wishes he could be good at something that isn’t a way to hurt her.

*******

He thinks about that again when he’s sitting across the dinner table from Devi, her insults still ringing in his ears.

Now would be the perfect time to hurt her the way she hurt him, to make her as miserable as he feels right this moment.

But then he remembers that letter, thinks about the girl whose dad loved her so much that talking about her made a stranger cry, about the look of misery on her face as the ambulance went by and how awful it must feel every time she hears a siren.

He remembers the feeling of wanting to be good at something that isn’t supposed to hurt her.

So he swallows his bitterness at the way the Model UN Conference ended and swerves away from hurting her, makes some charming jokes about how good she is at diplomacy instead.

She smiles at him from across the table, and later even laughs when he tells her about his awkward pizza encounter (he won’t say it makes him feel better than he has in the last 24 hours, but something loosens in his chest at the sound of it).

It doesn’t take away the loneliness of the day completely or soothe all his disappointment, but even though the day still stings, at least he knows that he can be alright -- maybe even good -- at something more than just hurting Devi.

*******

He knows he’s had more grandma juice than is advisable when he finds himself staring at his reflection and telling himself that he didn’t throw this party just so Devi would come to his house.  

It’s his birthday, he reasons, and people throw parties on their birthday. It’s what his parents wanted when they left him, and he’s nothing if not a dutiful son. Plus, he has the house for it, and the money for it, and the friends --.

Well, he’s still not drunk enough to say -- even to himself -- that he has the friends for it.

But having parties is what cool kids do on their birthdays, and even if he can admit that he isn’t one of them, he’s at least adjacent enough to cool kids to be able to emulate their behavior.

So, yeah. That’s why he threw this party -- to be cool. Not because Devi asked him about throwing one. Not because seeing Devi look at Paxton like he was a goddamn chiseled marble statue come to life in the style of Pygmalion set off a hot spark of something that felt like jealousy in the center of his chest. His throwing this party had nothing to do with Devi, at all, in any way, shape or form.

He tells himself that a half dozen times as he looks at his blurry reflection in the mirror, as he splashes his face with water in the hopes that it’ll miraculously clear his vision, as he walks down the stairs holding his fourth cup of grandma juice.

Then he sees her come through the door and it’s like his vision clears up completely (if momentarily, because apparently emotions do not supersede biology) and he feels a warmth in his veins that has nothing to do with the alcohol currently coursing through it because Devi is in his house and she actually looks genuinely happy to see him.

He takes her on a tour of the house, pointing out the memorabilia from all his dad clients, showing her the game room and the gym and the two indoor pools (one chlorinated, one a saltwater pool), and she’s complimenting it all without even the slightest bit of sarcasm and laughing at his jokes and mocking him without the usual hard edge to her and he honestly can’t remember the last time he was this happy and --

Oh, fuck.

He totally threw this entire party just to invite Devi over to his house.

[wiinterrose]

          ( xavier serrano , cis male , he / him, 23 ) no way ! i swear i saw 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐋 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐒 walking down danforth avenue ! i just saw a post about them on 6secrets ! i think it said something like “𝐌𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐘 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐒 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄 𝐀𝐓 𝟓 𝐀𝐌 : 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐄𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 ?”. isn’t that wild ? i guess that makes sense since they’re apparently 𝐃𝐔𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐒 and 𝐂𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆. fans will claim that they’re 𝐎𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂 and 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐂.  i mean , it’s not like i know them personally — they’re a famous 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑 / 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐁𝐄𝐑. whenever i think of them, i think of 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐓-𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐒, 𝐔𝐍𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐘 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐋𝐒 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒, & 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐓 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐌 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒. i wish i would have asked for an autograph ! ( oliver, they / them, 22, est ).

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘

— mikey was born and raised in winnipeg because i think it’s funny when characters are from winnipeg. if you’re from winnipeg i’m so sorry. definitely was born on the coldest day of that year ( so like some point in january )

— but because of those long, cold harsh winters, mikey found himself in a dance studio a lot. his aunt was a dance teacher and with rather absent parents who meant well but both had long hours at the local hospital, he spent a lot of time with her. he fell in love with dance pretty early on, always having a certain fluidity and grace even when he was young.

— random but he also played hockey up until he was like 16 or whatever because he’s canadian and i’m not stupid. it happened. he can still skate tho. in a slightly different life he probably would have been a pretty good figure skater huh 🤔🤔🤔 but anyway...

— also feel like it makes sense that he did gymnastics. and trained in classical ballet.

— he went to university of toronto for college, studying kinesology and dance, and danced at one of the prestigious studios in the city.

— his big break moment was when in his sophomore year at ut, he made it onto the second season of world of dance in early 2017 ( lets pretend that show has been on longer than it has bc i don’t want it to be the first season of it sldk ). he made it all the way to the finals and quickly become a fan favorite along the way. though he ultimately placed second and missed out on the million dollars, that was the beginning of many doors opening for him. ( for those who, might have the vaguest clue what i’m talking about : i’m highkey feeling like, michael dameski style which is an idea i had after i named him michael so don’t @ me for him having the same first name ).

— millions watched that show, including some prominent agents and scouts who were able to help him launch a professional dance career : something he never thought he’d see himself actually doing. his first big gig was making the dance team for some singer’s north american tour, and he ended up not returning to ut to pursue a professional dance career full time. since then he’s danced in a few music videos for some uber famous musican ( same one he went on tour with or not idk ?? also a wc ?? maybe ?? ), a tv show, couple movies, and other various gigs around the city. he works part time at a studio when he has time, and has been honing his choreography skills as well.

— he makes enough dancing, but certainly not enough to make him RICH. no, that come from an impromptu vlog he did while on tour with aforementioned singer. having already garnered a following from world of dance, he soon rose to youtube fame as well, something he never could have predicted. i feel like his videos are very just, day in a life with various random athletic challenges mixed in, and various workout and flexibility tips. he also still does pieces and duets with other prominent dancers just for fun too. his natural charisma and attitude really just carries him through easily lmao.

— mikey developed a bit of a habit of sleeping around when he left for college, all the newfound freedom was just intoxicating and well. he was hot so. it wasn’t like it was hard alsdkjf. that stuck around well into his blossoming dance career. nothing that was enough to be scandalous, but he made his way around. and then a year and a half into this unforeseen new life, he met matthew glass.

— he’d had a couple serious relationships before, one in high school, one his freshman year of college but neither of them could hold a flame to what he felt when he was with matt. perfection wasn’t something mikey believed in, but he almost did with what they had.

— it was like for over a year and a half he lived in this insane dream, and then mikey and matt broke up and he was devastated ( behind closed doors and with curtains pulled tightly shut ).

— he then proceeded to broadcast how perfectly fine he was doing by going back to his old ways and sleeping around obsessively, this time with very little regard as to how many headlines he was making. as far as coping mechanisms go, i guess sex is better than alcohol ?? not to say he wasn’t also drunk at times l o l.

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂

— mikey gets around. has definitely been trying to forget matty with other warm bodies but honestly it’s not working

— very bi. very much does not care. if the world didn’t know he was before, it definitely does now lmao. he hasn’t come out in the sense he’s like posted a video about it and said “i’m bisexual” but it’s pretty obvious from the media and maybe he has gotten asked in interviews and has just shrugged and been like does it matter ?? i’m sorry he’s not the vocal bi ally we need. perhaps we will work on that.

— hasn’t dated anyone since matt bc he’s highkey lowkey still hung up on him but no one needs to know that right. outwardly, he’s very much the same : seemingly happy, but he’s a lot more careful with his heart and letting people close to him. if anything he’s become a bit of a two-way mirror, always seeing out but never really letting people see in, just what they want to see.

— probably goes without saying but extremely flexible. idk if any of you know who juuse saros is but apparently he can twerk in a split and i’m not saying mikey can but like. he just might be able to...

— straight up does not get cold. never wears more than a hoodie, probably danced shirtless in the middle of winter just fine. at least being from winnipeg is good for one ( 1 ) thing.

— i feel like people call him flower. idk guys. maybe im just thinking too much abt hockey goalies.

— always posting on instagram stories. u kno the type.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

— he tends to be extremely underestimated as he comes across a bit dumb and generally has a pretty positive outlook on life which people confuse for him being naive when that isn’t the case. but he’s found he can use that it his advantage and that sometimes, people will tell him things they think he can’t understand but he hears and remembers everything. it’s helped him out of a few difficult situations before.

— i feel like he has a bit of ethan dolan’s personality & dumbass energy idk guys...

— live in the moment kind of dude. his motto is probably like : you just gotta know what you want to do next. i mean looking back on his life it’s been pretty crazy and that’s only solidified his outlook that like, you really can’t control too much. just let it go where it takes you.

— people do like him though and they like talking to him for whatever reason. generally has pretty trustworthy vibes but he’s more slippery than he comes across. he’s a selfish person at heart and always has his own best interests in mind, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first.

— extroverted. i think ??

𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄

— 6′1″. chocolate brown eyes. curly brown hair. he has a lithe but extremely fit build due to his career. his core strength is especially impressive.

— he has a monochromatic lineart tattoo of a rose on his left forearm / wrist and a butterfly ( again monochromatic & just lineart ) on his right shoulder. small scar at the base of his neck by his ear from an unfortunate hockey accident.

— needs glasses but usually only wears contacts unless he’s in his apartment late at night.

— he’s not overly fashionable, going more for comfort than how he generally looks. on a regular day, he’s probably got the whole... college athlete look going if you know what i mean. a big fan of mirrored aviator sunglasses. wouldn’t know what dressing up meant even if it slapped him in the face.

— PINTEREST BOARD

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

first and foremost i want to say that i like to vibe and brainstorm with people to come up with unique connections between our characters but here are a few ideas :

— ( f ) a close friend he has had on his channel a few times and fans passionately ship them but they’re really just good friends. maybe they play into the drama a few times as well tho. — the singer whose tour he danced on — singer whose music videos he’s been in — mayhaps even actors for that tv show / movie he was in ( v small role but whatevs. maybe they just Vibed yknow ) — flirtationship 😔 — always ye ol good hookup l o l — we keep running into each other idk maybe we should talk ??

TAKEN CONNECTIONS PAGE HERE

𝐎𝐎𝐂

         hey guys, i’m ollie. my intros are either written really eloquently or a big mess bc im trying to rub together a couple braincells at 1 am and whatever comes out, comes out. no need to guess which category this one falls into lmAO. anyway, i’m a slow plotter bc i’m easily overwhelmed trying to do too many things at once but i swear i will try to get to as many people as i can. and yeah this entire character is inspired by my love of world of dance don’t @ me... if u made it all the way down here u should watch this bc 😳 & mikey has the same athleticism and strength.

[hockeybabestars]

New Year, Same Us - Auston Matthews - Six

a/n: yall our girls spill the tea in this chapter. also i did not just make up the wags account, i’ve actually seen some different ones like this on instagram but i don’t know the @ so just a heads up lol, enjoy.

July 28, 2018

“Uh (Y/N)” Steph said from the living room. “You might wanna see this!” 

“Hold on give me a sec!” I grabbed my mitts and pulled the rolls out of the oven, placing them next to the chicken on the stove, and ran into the living room plopping down next to Steph. 

It was a girls night, which meant that Paige, Steph and I were making dinner and watching movies while the guys played video games at Mitch’s with some of their other teammates. It was nice catching up. I had been setting up for a fall internship in my department at school and was getting all the details ironed out before I went back. I hadn’t seen the girls in a hot minute.

“I usually don’t look at stuff like this, but it popped up on my explore feed.” Steph was sandwiched between Paige and I, as we looked down at her phone.

It was an Instagram post with pictures of Auston and I either from each other’s instagram page or pictures it looks like people have sent in from spotting us in public. One of which we are holding hands. “Gimme that.” I make grabby hands at her phone and she hands it to me. I scroll through the multiple photos of us again, and then look at the actual account. An NHL Wags account which has more than 10k followers. Holy shit. 

I click on the Leafs highlight. It’s a bunch of listings of players and girlfriends/wives with the date of the most recent update. The first one has TAKEN next to Mitch and nothing next to Auston’s. But then the one from last year has TAKEN next to Auston’s. And the most recent one, which was updated a couple weeks ago, still says TAKEN.

I went back to the post of us and read the caption. “Auston Matthews of the Toronto Maple Leafs and (Y/F/N)! These two are adorable! All photo credits go to submissions and their instagrams.”

Under it were probably 50 plus comments. 

“So cute!”

“They’ve been together since day one, just look at their accounts they go wayyyy back and the captions just get flirtier. We love an otp”

“Why tf would he go for her?”

“He could do better.”

And at that I shut it down. I knew people said horrible shit about me for being his friend but I chose not to directly look at it and I wasn’t about to start feeding the beast.

“That’s uh, interesting.” I said handing Steph her phone back. “And weird.”

“Wait why?” Paige asked looking confused. “Obviously not the fact that they have the info but like aren’t you guys together?”

“I forget you’re new.” I laughed, “I swore I told you-“

“I just assumed-“

“It’s not a big deal, literally everyone thinks we’re together at first.”

“So you’re not?” She raised a perfectly sculpted brow as I shook my head, “damn. I swore you guys were. Kappy never told me otherwise so I just thought- wow.”

“If it helps she wants them to be.” Steph shrugged and I glared at her. “What? Better to be honest and upfront. I don’t know why you two haven’t just come to terms with it all and told each other how you’re feeling.”

The timer dinged on the oven for the Mac and Cheese and we all made our way back into the kitchen. “Yeah that would be great and all but Aus doesn’t feel that way about me. And even if he did you see the girls he goes for. Polar opposite of me.” I pulled the Mac out of the oven as Paige started putting the salad together.

“Babe,” she started, “that boy is in love with you. I think he just hasn’t realized it yet.”

“Yeah,” Steph chimes in, “I don’t know if you realize but like, he never even mentions said girls to the guys when they ask.”

“Yeah but that’s just cause I’m around the majority of the time.”

“No- not even when you’re not there. Mitch asked him if he went home with a girl when we went out the other week? Ya know when you were busy sorting out that internship?” I nodded. “We went home early that night but Auston and Willy stayed out.  You know what he said? He didn’t go home with anybody. And you know who he started talking about instead? You.”

My cheeks flushed, “All he went on about is how proud of you he was and how he wanted your internship to go well for you.” 

My stomach was in knots, “you’re telling me that Auston didn’t go home with anyone that night? That’s so unlike him.”

I had thought about it before. Around the time that we first got to Toronto. That maybe he had the same feelings I did, but then it was a new girl every game and I figured that I better get over it quickly before my heart broke. I didn’t. 

I guess I wanted to believe that if he really did like me then he would just come out and say it, or at least he wouldn’t sleep around. And he never did say anything. But he’s hot. And a professional hockey player. And a damn good one at that. He was sleeping around in high school. And it’s nothing to shame him for, it just sucked when I was harboring those feelings and I didn’t want our friendship to change if he didn’t like me back. I wasn’t ready to leave and give him up if that were the case.

“Sis he hasn’t been going home with anyone for like the past 3 months.” 

“There’s no way he hasn’t had sex in that long. That’s just not realistic.”

“That’s what Mitch told me.”

“You live with him.” Paige said, fixing herself a plate, “wouldn’t you know?”

“We never bring hookups to our apartment. I’m always asleep when he gets home on those nights. I don’t wanna know how long he’s been gone. And even if I was awake I keep my door shut at night anyway.”

“Have you like, got any recently?” Steph asked wiggling her eyebrows and putting an unhealthy portion of Mac and Cheese on her plate. 

“Uhh I hooked up with that hot bartender, but Aus doesn’t need to know about that. And also a guy that I had some classes with from last semester, I think about a month ago? But that’s about it. I went out on a limb with those, I’m not one to just hook up ya know? I would rather be in a relationship.” They nodded and I went on, “It was good with the guy from school but as soon as he found out Auston and I were friends it got weird. It was the one time I brought someone over because Auston was out of town. So after we hooked up, this dude was going through our kitchen cabinets at like 1 in the morning with just boxers on while I was asleep and Auston walked in. That’s how he found out I lived with him. That’s how he fucking met Auston.” 

They were damn near cackling at this point and I just started making myself some food.

“What did Auston say to you when it happened and then like after?” Paige poured us some wine.

“He had just come home from a road trip and was so confused. He asked the guy to leave, but I guess he was awestruck that Auston Matthews was in my apartment and I kid you not, asked for a damn autograph.”

They were dying. “Glad I can amuse you ladies at my expense.” I laughed a little too. 

“The whole thing was such a shitshow. Auston obviously said no and kicked him out. Then he knocked on my door. And like there I am with just a t-shirt and panties on. I was so fucking embarrassed. He wanted to talk then and we worked it out. But he was acting kind of weird about it. Honestly he seemed a little butthurt.”

“Of course he did. He was pissed off some kid at your college could get with you when he’s known you all of a semester and Aus can’t seem to catch a break after 20 years.” Steph stated.

I laughed, but Paige added, “Damn right!” She raised her glass and Steph and I did the same. 

“To good friends.” I started, “I needed this, you don’t know how much I’ve missed you guys. So here’s to us!”

“To us!” They said at the same time, glasses clinking.

 And it felt good.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

What happened to katherine?

Nothing’s happened to her; she got an instagram account, which is awesome, and she’s been using it just to promote a charity she’s working with called “SpareHand” that are providing food and supplies to those who need it during the pandemic. She was even out there volunteering with Jude Law at a primary school in London yesterday to sort through supplies. 

So basically Katherine is a lovely human being who’s actually doing good volunteer work during this quarantine and NOT just preaching at us while she’s all cosy and safe, and we should all stan her, thank you.

Basically, the problem is that there’s a seriously creepy and messed up fan harassing Katherine/Katherine’s fans and smearing her name.

There’s a LOT under the cut - please read at your own risk.

Years ago, back before CoG came out, there used to be a fan called “Candy Working” on Twitter who was a HUGE fan of Katherine, like her whole twitter was just Katherine related and it was all she could talk about. She kept saying that she was going to meet her at the premiere, blah blah blah. Anyway, during the summer of 2018, a private account appeared that we believed to be Katherine’s - most of us followed it, which is a huge sign something was up because why would she have a private account only to accept fans as follower requests? But we wanted it to be Katherine so bad - myself included. I’m ashamed to admit I told that account stuff in confidence believing it was Katherine, which I’ll get back to in a minute. As it soon turned out, however, the account was a fake - photos posted were either extremely blurred or very generic, or they could be found online with some digging. One of Katherine’s friends, an up and coming filmmaker who regularly speaks with fans, confirmed it was not Katherine. A huge giveaway was that the captions/messages from the account were in broken English and sounded nothing like how she speaks, and Katherine’s brother wasn’t following it, neither were her friends like Henri and the Beasts cast. 

To cut to the chase, it was Candy. Candy made the account posing as Katherine. A dead giveaway is that “Katherine” went on a mass deleting followers spree and pretty much got rid of everyone BUT Candy. After that, a lot of us Waterstans got more savvy about things and we told Candy to stop. Candy denied it and for a long time we heard very little. Another thing Candy did in 2018, shortly after, however is editing Katherine and Callum Turner’s wikipedia pages to say that they were dating each other.

Over the past few years, more accounts have appeared posing as Katherine; using my fan accounts, and working with other fans, we’ve shut them all down. Until recently, Katherine has had no social media whatsoever because she’s a very private person, and we as fans should respect that.

Cut to very recently. Yet another troll account appeared on twitter - you see, someone (hint hint) has made account after account, tweeting things about Katherine and her father, saying vile and hurtful things about them. For example, they’re convinced on saying that Katherine is a horrible person, that her and her dad are involved in “child sacrifices” and the pedophile ring in Hollywood, and they’ve attacked Katherine’s fans regularly. Yes, we know it was Candy - all these accounts have the exact same writing style and way of speaking. It’s painfully obvious. Anyway, this account was posting shit, and I happened to click on it whilst on my laptop instead of my phone - and that’s when I noticed that they had posted a pic of me at my uni graduation because it was under their media section. I’ve posted the screenshot before, and I’m on my laptop right now so I’m not going to go digging for it since it’s slow, but it’s on my blog (this AND the Katherine fan blog I run). 

Here’s a rundown of what happened:

They used the pic of me at graduation, asked if anyone remembered my name, and then tweeted in on a public platform, saying I was from London (which I’m not exactly, I’m outside of London)

They made up lies about me, took a screenshot from my Katherine blog where I expressed my disappointment regarding a project I had done for her birthday, and said it was proof that Katherine hates her fans

When I blocked them on my fan/usual twitter, they tracked down three of my other ones and continued to tweet/harass me, even when friends of mine told them to stop.

I was truly upset about the graduation thing and asked them to take it down - they refused and said it was a google leak and I should delete all of my accounts because of it.

I just want to say that while the picture is indeed on my personal instagram and on one of my blogs, there’s a HUGE difference between ME posting it to share my excitement/joy, and some CREEP online reposting it WITHOUT my permission in order to smear both me AND someone I look up to.

This account - besides attacking Katherine fans and Katherine herself - was constantly tweeting that 5G caused Coronavirus, was a Trump and Boris supporter, and just in general a tinhatter. 

By the way, they claim to know Katherine very well and keep saying about “her son D”, her “rich millionaire husband”, how “katherine is going to post her memoirs and a documentary”. I don’t believe Candy knows anything at all, or if she does than it’s certainly not because she knows Katherine; but the fact that she’s supposedly giving out private information about Katherine’s private life (her baby, for example!) is HELLA creepy and nasty and rings a LOT of alarm bells.

Eventually, with a lot of fans reporting it, the account got terminated.

On Katherine’s instagram in the last week, an account on instagram has popped up and it’s so bizarre, to say the least; they constantly spam her with comments, firstly saying somewhat nice stuff before switching to harassing and being rude - saying she has no career, her fans are couch potatoes, that she’s brainwashed her fans, that the Beasts films are only successful because of Eddie, Jude and Johnny. We all know it’s Candy, we’ve all confirmed it. Again, same writing style, blah blah blah.You can see the comments on any of Katherine’s instagram posts to be honest, but I posted screenshots of some HERE.

Candy of course started to mention ME by name again. Because she’s fucking wacko. Calling me “No 1 London fan Megan” or some shit, saying I have a GoFundMe page to meet Katherine, which I don’t - I had one for my Tina Goldstein cosplay back in 2017, and the only reason I did was because I posted about being worried that I couldn’t afford it, and a bunch of people jumped in and said that they’d be more than happy to give some money in exchange for fics and as a “thank you” for the fics I had written. Frankly, it still stuns me that happened. But that’s not the point; they’ve spouted lies and shit that make me look bad, targeting me as well as a few fans specifically (namely the KW Russia account - who are very nice, by the way!). The spamming itself if unsettling, let alone what she’s actually saying. Candy also made an account called “Katherine Waterston Toronto” that she’s since made private after being called out, again spouting the same shit as she did before and on instagram. 

We’re all reporting the accounts as best we can, but Twitter and Instagram are...well, we know what it’s like when it comes to reporting accounts (side-eyeing @staff for NOT taking down the TWO blogs that were specifically created JUST to make call-out posts about ME and every bad thing I’ve done in the past 5 years - good job, guys! Adult content isn’t allowed but call-out blogs calling for someone to be fucking arrested and to be banned from the fandom are A-OKAY!!) I’m hoping that Katherine is either not reading the comments or that if she does, she’ll see it’s a troll and just block them.

What’s interesting, though, is that Candy is claiming that Katherine has “hurt” her in some way, and that Katherine or her family got the police involved...something like that. Very interesting. Again, could be more steaming shit from what is clearly the world’s biggest tinhatter, but it honestly would not shock me if Katherine/her family got freaked out and contacted cops.

[lgcmax]

𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐎 ! i’m coming to you with a very late intro, i know, but i swear i’m not usually this unprepared !! anyways, my name is jada, and this is my chaotic baby maxwell “ MAX ” choi ! i love him to death already and can’t wait to start writing with him ! i was here long ago with the short-lived yet beloved zhao chenglei, but life got in the way ! the two are very different, yet i’m even more stoked to be here the second time around & get things going ! i did create him kind of spontaneously, so his plots & bio page is still wip, but you can find his profile here, and some trivia & plot bunnies below ! oh, and LIKE THIS if you’d like to plot, maybe ? i’ll stop talking now, but i hope to hear from you soon !

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 !

first generation canadian who hails from toronto, canada ! a snow baby forever and always, he loved living there and has nothing but good memories there !

he was born maxwell choi, and he’s still called that by family and some old friends, but once he got to middle school he felt the name was too fancy and wasn’t fitting so dropped the “well” and just became MAX !

though he’s canadian, he’s never really felt he was lacking in terms of his korean identity ! both his parents were born and raised there, korean is actually his first language, and he was taught english through school. since he was two he’s been going to korea for the summer to visit his family, too,  so he’s always felt really connected to his culture !

his dad’s a car salesman at his own dealerhsip, and his mom’s an attorney, so he’s lived a really comfortable life. it’s easy to see where his charisma comes from, too ! growing up his dad was more involved in his upbringing, while his mom was on the colder side, so he’s closer to him as he’s the one who was the most loving toward him then and now !

he was expected to take over his dad’s position at the dealership when he was older, but as he grew up he noticed his absolute lack of passion for the career. he thought it fit his dad well, yet couldn’t see him doing something like that !

but during his teenage years he discovered his love for rap ! he always loved listening to it, but when he started rapping along he discovered his true passion.

he didn’t really know what to do with that, however, as it wasn’t a very stable career ! it wasn’t until 2016 when he met someone online through a video game & they became friends that things changed ! they would talk a lot & eventually they introduced him to the world of kpop and ... boom ! everything changed for him. when he realized it wasn’t all girls in frilly skirts ( which hey, wasn’t too bad either ) he found himself being engulfed in this entirely new music genre !

fast forward all the way to 2019, when he auditioned for the company ! it was in january, and there was no way he thought he was gonna make it. they were giving out cds to those who auditioned, and he really just wanted to hear some haru, but it was quite literally the biggest surprise of his life when he got accepted !

his mom was enitrely, and i mean e n t i r e l y, against the idea. she thought a career in the idol industry was fleeting and not profitable and thought it was an embarrassment for him to be apart of. while his father wasn’t thrilled and still has hopes for him to inherit the dealership, he was content seeing his son happy and hoped for his success.

so off max went, to the big city of seoul !! unlike some foreign trainees it wasn’t some great transition for him, in fact he adjusted pretty well ! he had the benefit of being well-travelled and having visited the country often, as well as being comfortable in his korean.

it wasn’t all peaches and roses, however, and he did have some difficulty ! it was the first time he was coming to stay, so he had a tendency to get homestick, and despite everything, he still stuck out. he had a lot of mannerisms, style choices, and just obvious indicators he was a foreigner. he also had to finish off the last semester of his senior year in korea, and he was bummed he missed out on those senior year experiences like graduation, senior parties, and just being with the people he’d grown up with !

whenever he was having trouble, he couldn’t really call home either, since he knew they doubted him and didn’t want to give them any more reason to ! he’s not really the type to share when he’s feeling down, so he really internalized a lot of his emotions at the time, and the bit that he didn’t he confided in with his few friends he’d made by then. definitely a bit of a rough patch for him !

he also may have had some trouble getting along with trainees ! he has a very blunt & extroverted personality, which didn’t really fit with typical korean social norms !

 aside from that, max was a LOT more chill than some of these people. he was passionate about rapping, but some trainees were “debut-or-die” level and he just wasn’t that far ! he’d just kind of look at them like .... why are you making this such a big deal ? i’m just here to have fun ?? so he had a tendency to slack off a lot during the first few months of training and try to bend the rules as much as he could behind the trainer’s backs without getting caught ! which i can imagine would get on some trainee’s nerves.

he does go to university, a condition by his parents for letting him go to korea. he’s a music production major and marketing minor at the moment, but he’s changed his mind quite a few times ! honestly, he’s not all that interested in attending school, but doesn’t have much of a choice and knows it’s an important backup should this whole idol thing not work ! he does enjoy the social life he gets from it, though, because he would’ve had a much harder time adjusting and meeting friends had he not been in school.

now, he’s still pretty sluggish, but after a few company punishments, he’s shaping up and learning how to work harder. he just passed his year anniversary training with the company, and though he has a lot to learn he’s showed promise in his time there !

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 !

very extroverted !!! and he always has been. he feels really comfortable and large environments and is the main reason he thrives as an idol ! can and will pick up a conversation with just about anyone, particularly those who aren’t like him but rather on the more introverted spectrum !

like stated before, he doesn’t really like talking about his emotions if they’re personal / negative. it makes him uncomfortable & awkward and thinks it makes everyone else feel that way too, so avoids it like the plague. if he’s emotional with you ... you’re a keeper !

tends to make light out of every scenario, due to his optimistic nature. he has the mentality that life’s too short to be stressed, so does his best to avoid it whenever he gets the chance ! it can be appropriate at times, and sometimes people perceive it as him not taking things seriously, but really he’s trying to make things better !

a little cocky, considering his lack of experience. he kind of thinks he’s the s***, and he honestly could use a little more humility ! but he’s used to being held on this sort of pedestal, and because of it has a looot of confidence a lot of the time !

very loyal, once you befriend him he’s yours for life ! he values trust and longevity in a friendship, so does his all to give it to you. on the other hand, if you lose his trust, things .... get a little disastrous. he isn’t one to forgive something like that and will quite literally block someone out his life if they do break his trust.

on that note ... he’s also very stubborn !! he likes things the way he wants them, and can hold a grudge for years if he wants to. this is one of the exceptions to his “ hakuna matata ” mentality lmao, but he’s working on it ! he used to have trouble accepting criticism from trainers if he didn’t agree with them, but is slowly getting better at listening to feedback in order to improve.

tends to be a little manipulative ! he doesn’t mean to use it maliciously, but it does sometimes go like that. like i said, he’s got that desire to win other’s over to get what he wants like his parents, so ... that can translate into a little deception !

loves loves loves video games !!! will talk about them all day, if you ask. he’s been hooked ever since the first time he got a controller in his hand and is always looking for some new gaming buddies !

has a secret tiktok account that he can’t really publicize but people have to know ?? he just renegades too good not to have some practice folks

he compulsively says “ let’s get it ” and “ boom ” like the joke he is and it’s a problem, really !! someone please call him out or just .... stop him

also !! he is entirely too CLUMSY for his good. he trips over people, trips over his own limbs, trips over a i r !! there’s just no telling with this guy. he’s so stupid when it comes to coordination, i swear, i almost worry he needs to see a doctor lmao !! but thank god for his clumsiness coming in handy at the exact moment he needs to have a little humility.

𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 !

the friend he played video games with who introduced him to kpop ( see above ) !! they’ve been friends for roughly 3 years now and they’re the reason he even considered pursuing a career as an idol, so i imagine they’ve grown pretty close ! since they played online, this person doesn’t have to be from canada, and really any muse that knew korean or english well enough to communicate back then ! 

are there any canadian muses ?? i’m not sure ! if there is, i’d love to have some childhood friends who he grew up with ! give me all the angst, softness, or romance that you can muster up !! i love a good backstory.

some friends who he spent the summers in korea with ! he visited june through august of every year, and sometimes spent other holiday breaks there. so there’s definitely a chance for them to grow close ! maybe even a short-lived romance where they hadn’t expected to meet again ??

a senior / older trainee who showed max the ropes ! while he knew a good deal about korea he didn’t have a clue about being a trainee, so definitely could’ve used a bit of help there !! unintentionally this person became a sort of parental figure to max, even if they didn’t mean to or if they’re not significantly older ! either way, they were his first real source of support since the move, and nowadays he’s still very close to them and looks to them for any sort of help or advice he needs !

pleeeeease give him a little crush !! he goes out his way to impress those that he likes, and turns into a true softie !! on the other hand, a bitter exes plot or even exes on good terms could be fun too ! can you tell i’m a romantic yet ? 😥

someone who’s entirely put off by the thought of max ! someone who, unlike him, is planned, logical, or very cutthroat and passionate about becoming an idol ! give me someone to nitpick him for his lifestyle, and someone for him to bicker with and just create a little drama !! 

video game buddies !! he doesn’t have the whole setup like he used to back home, but he does nearly always have his switch on him if your muse is in the mood for a little friendly competition !! fair warning .... he does get competitive !

male dorm h and male rookie evening trainee group gang, let’s go !! that’s a lot to say, but in simple terms, if your muse trains or dorms with him let’s get something going ! max is still a new trainee and needs some friends to spend the long days with, he promises to  make it worth their while !! max has the power of making nearly every scenario entertaining, after all !

[daydreamingabouthockey]

A Bookish Meet Cue (Zach Hyman imagine)

Blurb: you go Christmas shopping for your niece and unbeknown to you Zach Hyman helps you find his book.

Word count: 1,900

Note: I got this idea after going to a book signing for my favourite soccer player and some lady said super loud who is he? I was a total mess meeting him he asked me if I go to games and I said I used to because I’m too embarrassed to tell him tickets are way too expensive to go anymore. But anyway this was a blast to write and I had so much fun thinking of this. Y/N is for you to insert your name and a little background you are a history major at Uni of Toronto. Feedback or just a comment is appreciated!

It had been a really stressful day and you were rushing around to find those last minute gifts for Christmas.The last person on your list was your six year old niece. You had no idea what to buy her but, you knew she liked ice hockey and she had been chatting on about some book that a famous hockey player had written and had recently been released so you guessed that was a good idea.

You started the drive to your nearest Indigo book store. You pulled into the parking lot with a sudden sense of panic. It was a quarter to five and you had no idea what time they closed. You Rushed to park praying it wasn’t five.

You ran into the store, they were still open but the sign signalled they closed in fifteen minutes. Running around the store, you desperately looked for the book. You got your phone out scrolling through your texts for the name of the author, mm it seemed like he was called Hyman. You cursed desperately looking around the bookstore and nearly knocking over a stand. “Do you need some help?” A voice asked you look up to see a brown haired man smiling widely. He had jeans, a white polo neck and a chunky knit cardigan on, that made you think made him look cuddly. Very bookish. Finally someone who works here. “Yes I’m looking for a book by an author called Zach Hyman?”

“Ah yeah that’s over here,” he said showing you to table, there was only one left. “Oh that was lucky,” you say “this guy must be popular,” you chuckle to the boy. He smiled sheepishly “yeah kind of,” he says shyly.

“My niece has been so excited for this book, she loves hockey,” you ramble

“Oh she’s a big maple leafs fan then?” He asked his eyes suddenly lighting up “Oh yeah huge her and my sister watch every game on TV,”

“Do they go to the games ?” He asked.

“No tickets are way too expensive,”

“Oh,” he says almost a little sad

“Yeah, like they stood by where they arrive and leave but she couldn’t get close enough,for even a photo, but you know these guys are busy ” you say with a shrug.

“Oh that’s sad to hear, i’m sure they would love to meet her if they got the chance, are you not a fan?” He asked

“No not really,” you say with a shrug.

“Well maybe I could change you mind on that sometime,” he says.

“Maybe you can,” you say flirting back.

You looked at your watch again. “Oh shoot I have to go thank you for your help,” you said suddenly trailing realising you have no idea what his name is “Zach,” he finished “and it’s no problem,” he says with a smile walking off.

You continue walking around suddenly when it dawns on you that you never got his number. You crane your head around the store, peering over the tall bookshelf like a meerkat, but to no avail, cute boy shop boy was gone. You sigh coming to the conclusion that it was not meant to be, maybe he had already gone home. You could come back another day but even if you did it was A. Creepy stalkerish b. He might not even be here and C this book store was on the complete opposite side of town, like a full fifty minutes from your apartment. So really there wasn’t much logic in that. You still had a few more minutes till the store closed and the store was quiet. You allowed yourself to relax, wandering around the bookstore tracing your fingers over the spines till you touched a book that took your interest.there was something Inherently calming about bookstores. You managed to pick up a book for yourself, some cute new YA book called “Meet cue” which sounded like the perfect light and fluffy read after all the boring history books you’d been reading for college.

Finally a tannoy came over the store that the store was closing and you knew it was

time to pay you wandered up to a desk with two young guys. Your face lit up when you saw it was Zach, the cute guy who helped you earlier. His friend the blonde on the left was a typical hipster. Blonde hair with a black toque, round wire framed glasses and a beard. He had his feet up on the desk showing off his extremely ripped jeans and expensive looking white trainers. Zach pushed the blondes feet off the desk. “Willie this is a bookstore not your living room have some respect dude,”

“My legs hurt,” the blonde wined

“You did a long work out of course they are going to hurt,” he sighed. You chuckle at the pair arguing like an old married couple. “Hi again,” You ask putting the book down in front of them. Expecting to pay. “Hi,” the brunette said with a wide smile. You dig into your bag for some money, “so what’s the damage how much do I owe?”

“erm we don’t actually work here, but he can sign it for you,” the blonde haired boy said pointing to a sign which had a photo of the brown haired boy smiling, hockey player and author Zach Hyman signing his book today!

“you don’t work here,” you say slowly You can feel your cheeks burning. Oh no how embarrassing. Not only did Zach not even work there, but you had flirted with a famous hockey player who probably thought you were just doing it to get free tickets.

“Not unless, he’s got a side job on top of his successful hockey career” Willie laughed. Zach shot Willie a glare. “Will,” Zach snap, Willie stuck his tongue out at Zach. “sorry about him,” but he pauses when he realised he doesn’t even know your name “y/n” you finish. “Y/n” he says and oh boy there was that cute smile again “Let me sign this though, for your niece right?” He says encouraging you to pass him the book. “Yeah,”

“great, y/n was telling me her niece was a big fan of the leafs watches every game,” Zach says directing the conversation to his friend Willie. Who she was guessing was also a player.“Oh yeah she’s only five but she loves pointing to players and telling us their names. “Does she have a favourite player?” Zach asks

“Well it’s obviously going to be me,” Willie boasts putting his hands on his chest

“I actually think it’s, erm Marner,” you reply scrunching up your nose as you tried to remember the name she had been yelling only yesterday. “Better luck next time buddy, “ Zach laughed slapping him on the shoulder clearly unfazed by not being named the favourite. “Marns of course it’s him, stupid canadian boy he’s practically a kid that’s why they love him,” Willie mutters under his breath. Clearly not miffed at all. “what’s her name? ” Zach asked now passing over the book to Willie to sign. “Daisy,”you say smiling “Cute name, well tell Daisy anytime she wants to come to a game, she is very welcome to, we’ll have two tickets waiting for her,”

“No no you don’t have to do that,” you say now embarrassingly waving your hands, you never wanted their pity. “No honestly, we hate disappointing our fans, in fact we’d love her to come down and meet us after the game and I still need to convince you that hockey is great” Zach says

“You’ve never been to a game?” Willie asks incredulously “but you live in Toronto?”

“Yeah,” you laugh awkwardly “it just never seemed like my thing” you lie not wanting to tell another person about the fact you couldn’t afford it as you were a poor college student. “Can I sign your other book,” Zach asks suddenly says pointing to the other book tucked under your arm “But it’s not one of yours” you say dumbly looking down at your copy of “meet cue” He shrugs and passed it over to him anyway, not watching what he is scrawling with his sharpie. Instead you make polite conversation with Willie about plans for Christmas. He seems to be a pretty funny guy “Oh shoot we have to head off, we have a team to thing but it was nice meeting you y/n” he says handing you both books back “You too,” you say waving goodbye. Thank god you never did ask for his number, that could have been awkward. You wander towards the door before quickly realising you never paid for the books. You stride to the real checkout, before they accuse you of shoplifting. It was only when you got to your car you remember to read Zach’s note in Lily’s book. You open it to the first page where he has written the note in beautiful cursive writing.

To Daisy

I hope you enjoy your new book! We’d love for you and your family to come to a game and meet the players! Go leafs Go

Love Zach Hyman and William Nylander

You smile so glad he wrote such a nice message. He’s also included a slip of paper with the number for Leafs PR. You smile and put it back on the passenger side seat and that’s when you notice the other book. Your other new book he wrote in.

To Y/N

Our meet cue was pretty cute,in case you’d like to meet again sometime for a coffee

And underneath was his number. You squealed in delight. This could be the start of something. You quickly grab your phone to call your sister and tell her about your weird but wonderful day all thanks to your five year old niece.

The pair of you do go out on a date and end up hitting it off . In Fact you become a regular at ice hockey and yes your five year old niece does have explain all the rules of the game. Zach even keeps his word of meeting the boys after the game. Daisy is starstruck by them all until Mitch starts a dance battle in the middle of the room. William is still slightly sulking about not being the favourite although does slowly manage to win Daisy around with bribes of pucks and his famous Swedish sweets. Eventually you and Zach become a thing you meet officially his teammates who much to Lily’s delight become a regular at your place. She suddenly only wants you to babysit her. William Nylander still likes to make fun of you for mistaking Zach as a bookseller and regularly likes to chirp him about the latest books especially when they drive past a bookstore. “Hey are you not going to work today Zach it’s right there!” You keep the book he wrote in safely on your bookcase. When he eventually proposes to you it’s in at Casa Lomas in the library room obviously. Your niece Lily plays a big part in the wedding since she was the reason you two met.

[thundersstruck]

Don’t forget where you belong -Auston Matthews

A/N: well hello there, welcome back to my YouTube channel... I mean blog anyways. So I had an idea and had to write it down before I left for something and this is what it ended up being: “ahhhhh this is so I don’t forget the idea, format later mandjansnskdn starts when he leaves for Zurich and leads to the draft and stuff in Toronto... well actually starts with a bday video for him or something but anyways that’s the point okay cool one direction”. So yeah uh that’s the jist lmao just go with it. It’s gonna be like my boxes imagine and everything is video clips but just in (Y/N)’s POV cool

Masterlist that’s literally only updated during summer

Requested?: nopeeeeee

Warnings: swearing, fluff, angst the usual

Word count: 1237 (I got carried away)

Gif credit: @kevinmandolese

Enjoy!!

(Y/N)’s POV (for the whole thing):

Auston had been on a particularly bad downward spiral following a bad spree of road games that were all losses and lead to nothing but bad shots and plays that couldn't be put together.  After receiving a few calls from a miserable Auston and a text saying they were on their way back I decided to put together something special for him.... as well as some cookies. As I'm finishing up putting the cookies on the plate and setting up I hear the front door open and then close and then a long sigh. "Hey babe." I say quietly while hugging him. His frame immediately swallows mine as he embraces me and holds me tight. "I missed you." He mumbles into my hair "missed you too, I made you cookies and have a surprise." I say and he pulls away. "I knew I smelled cookies but, a surprise wow" He says with a smile on his face. "Not that kinda of surprise but for now cuddles and my better surprise." I say dragging him to our room where the cookies are and the surprise. "I see the cookies but where's the surprise?" He asks kicking his shoes off and trading his outfit for a sweatshirt and shorts. "Get in the damn bed so we can cuddle and then I'll show you." I say and he follows my words. "So, while you were gone I got bored and made you this so just watch and eat cookies. Ok? Thanks." I say while grabbing my computer and hitting play.

"Been a lot of places

I've been all around the world

Seen a lot of faces

Never knowing where I was"

As the clock counts down I get more and more nervous and then the buzzer goes off and I erupt in screams. "THEY WON" I yell hugging Auston's mother and sister, holding back from launching myself down to the ice. The boys celebrate and are given their medals before heading back to the locker rooms. We head down to the hallway and wait for them to come out, and as soon as they do I run and jump onto Auston’s larger frame. “Hey super star” I say giggling, “hey what are you doing here oh my gosh.” He says with a smile, “had to see my superstar win obviously, since I’m your good luck charm.” I say giving him a kiss. “Ok Matthews we get it you have a girlfriend please take it somewhere else.” His teammate chirps. “Oh you’re just jealous, because out of all the pretty faces you’ve seen she’s the prettiest and I’ve got her by my side.” He says letting me down and grabbing my hand, “and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Living out of cases

Packing up and taking off

Made a lot of changes

But not forgetting who I was”

“So what’s next hot shot hockey boy, nhl? College?” I ask Auston while sitting on his bed. “Zurich.” He says while still folding some clothes. “Zurich? What do you mean Zurich?” I say back causing him to look up from his clothes with a look of concern. “I’m moving to Switzerland, I was offered a spot on the team, I want big league training before the NHL.” He says placing a hand on top of mine. “So you’re just gonna leave me here and go to Switzerland? The girls there are so pretty, this isn’t the way you breakup with someone Aus.” I say as my heart races. “Woah woah woah we aren’t breaking up, you’re the most important girl to me, along with my mama, you’re still apart of me and my life, I’m going for training and only for a little bit not my whole life. Besides you can come and see me if you really want babe.” He says soothing me. “Promise?” I ask “Promise to the moon and back.”

“I've been away for ages

But I got everything I need”

“I miss you.” I say as miracle plays in the background quietly from my tv. “I know you do baby, I’ll be back in a week, big things are happening.” Auston says with a smile. I don’t respond, I just play with the sleeves of his jacket and stare towards my wall. “(Y/N)... What’s wrong?” Auston asks, “big things happening, is code for you’re leaving me again to go somewhere different and I’m proud of you and all but do you know how hard this is for me? Not to be able to lay with you and be held by you and comfort you when you’re down, this is so hard for me and honestly I don’t sleep as well without you near and I’m struggling,” I say with tears in my eyes. “I, I know this is hard for you and I know you’re struggling but this is hard for me too okay, I want to be there for you and every late night study session and illness and party you have but I can’t because I’m here, I don’t sleep well some nights because I just want you here with me, so I get it.” He says sighing and rubbing his face “but where ever I go next, I’m taking you with me, you’re my good luck charm so I have to.” He says causing me to smile. “There’s that smile I love.” He smiles back. “Yeah yeah yeah,” I respond looking at the light coming through my window. “Is that the sun? Oh my gosh (Y/N) go to bed now.”

“I'm flicking through the pages

I've written in my memory

I feel like I'm dreaming”

“The Toronto Maple Leafs are proud to select, Auston Matthews.” The GM says as we all stand and clap for him. He makes his way down the line of his family members to me, he grabs my cheeks and kisses me and then hugs me. “I’m so proud of you.” I say. “I can’t believe this, I feel like I’m dreaming and you’re right here with me.” He says as he takes my hand and then starts to walk away “hope you’re ready for snow,” he says with a wink before walking on stage.

“Lights off when they should be on

Even stars in the skies, they're wrong

Short days, when the nights are long

When I think of the things I've done

Don't matter how far I've gone

I'm always free to run home

Don't forget where you belong, home

If you ever feel alone, don't

You were never on your own

And the proof is in this song”

“Win lose, good season or bad season, injured or not, Auston Matthews I am here for you to always run home to. No matter what, I’m so proud of you and your accomplishments and I’ll forever and always be here for you, I promise all the way to the moon and back. I love you” video me says and the video ends.

Auston stares at the screen with tears in his eyes. “Did you like it?” I ask him. “Like it? I loved it about as much as I love you.” He says kissing me and then hugging me as I laugh. “Well I’m glad you liked it, I truly mean that I’m here for you forever and always.” I say looking into his eyes. “Good because you’re my home and I have no clue what I’d do without you.”

[artificialqueens]

Overpowered Part 3 (Branjie)-athena2

A/N: Thank you all for the great feedback on Chapter 2! This chapter is a little angsty, but I hope you like it! Any feedback you have would be amazing, it really means a lot to me. ***This chapter has a mild panic attack, implied abuse, and discussion of medication.*** I also made some Brooke and Vanessa moodboards for this fic! Find them on my tumblr @buffywhovianpotterlock.

I’m surprised you’re still functioning.

We made the drugs that made you.

Precious little Frost.

She throws the weighted blanket off with a sigh, Vanessa following. “Can’t sleep either?”

Brooke shakes her head.

“I want to read it now.” She’s been tossing and turning since she told Vanessa she was ready, and she’s ready now. She has to know. She digs through her dresser.

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure. You’ll do it with me? Please?”

Brooke can lift a car over her head, but nothing could ever be heavier than this folder.

“Of course.” They drop down at the kitchen table.

Brooke has been picturing this moment since she asked Nina for advice, the older woman’s voice filling her head.

The file might give you some closure. But, given what happened last time, it’s likely it could cause another flashback. We could look at it here, or you can do it on your own if you’d like, but be aware you might respond negatively.

It’s what she figured Nina would say, an answer that wasn’t really an answer.

“Tell me if it’s too much, okay? Promise?” Vanessa asks, grabbing her hand.

“Promise.”

Her free hand flips the folder open. The vaguely familiar words burn her eyes as she wades through medical terms of the injuries from the plane crash last March. A broken leg, broken arm, 3 broken ribs, collapsed lung, internal bleeding, and several cuts to her body. Does she feel the pain from those broken bones now, or is she imagining it? She touches the thick white scar on her chest absently.

She suddenly remembers a drainage tube between her ribs (she has a small scar there too) and the long scar down her chest, and white tabs stuck to her skin, connected to monitors that beeped piercingly, and pain like someone had carved her chest open and pieced it together with Scotch tape. Then the doctor put something in her IV, and it all went black.

“You good?”

Brooke jumps. She’d forgotten Vanessa was there. “Yeah. So far it’s just what happened after the crash.”

Subject name removed from flight list. No survivors. Flight list not released, subject will be presumed dead if any inquiries. Subject’s public records here (pgs 2-8), scrubbed from databases.

She turns the page. Scans of her birth certificate and driver’s license. She’s Canadian? A fight between her and Vanjie runs through her head, Vanjie grinning and teasing her for saying “soar-y”.

Newspaper clippings. Maybe there’s something about her before, or her family— she hits two obituaries. Her parents. She can’t read the rest. She just can’t.

Brooke should feel something, she knows she should. But she can’t remember. Nothing at all, not even a flash. It’s just an empty space inside her where she knows the memories should be.

She moves on hastily. Hytes New Co-Director of Toronto Ballet Company. She remembers the feeling of her feet in ballet shoes, but co-director?

The clippings are ghosts of her old life and she can’t take the haunting anymore. Brooke moves to lists of dates, starting when they took her and continuing until this summer. Her dosages, her exams, her training, her missions. The first rows cover her progress healing and responding to the drugs. Drugs that the two men she met hours ago had made for her and countless others. Her stomach twists painfully and she jumps ahead.

5/30/2018: Subject at healthy weight, physically approved to begin training. 10% accuracy with ice blasts.

Brooke remembers the row of bright red targets. His voice thunders in her ears. “You have until October to get half those targets.” It’s a command.

8/13/2018: Subject having nightmares, inquiring about old life. Subject sedated, given 100mg dosage in IV overnight. Had no memory of asking questions after waking.

She skips over training logs, punishments, and medical data. It’s like reading about someone else. She has vague images of the events, but they’re getting stronger and clearer as she reads.

 10/1/2018: Subject achieved 65% target accuracy, no punishment required.

“Maybe that’s enough.”

“I’m f-fine.”

11/19/2018: Training complete. 100% accuracy, blast strength increased. Dosage (10mg) steady and effective. Subject compliant and approved for field missions.

It’s all here. Labs she’d broken into. Weapons and technology she’d stolen. Every injury, every new drug sample. Records of fights with Black Diamond, with Shuga Rush, with–her heart skips a beat–Vanjie.

And the last one. The very last one before Vanessa saved her and took her away from them.

7/7/2019: Vitals steady. Subject compliant. Dosage to remain doubled until further notice.

“Brooke?” She can hardly hear Vanessa.

“These are all the bad things I did. ”

“Baby, no. Those things weren’t you.”

She shakes her head, heart straining her chest.

“You want to make us proud on your first mission, don’t you?”

She nods.

“Remember, if you fail, that’s bad. You know what happens when you’re bad.”

“I won’t fail, General.”

“Brooke!”

Her lungs are on fire, burning all her air. 5 things she can see.

She sees the kitchen wall across from her but it’s tilted–Vanessa is holding her tightly, stopping her from falling off the chair she’s half-out of. She pulls herself upright, eyes absorbing the wooden table as her breathing slows.

“Are you okay?” Vanessa tenderly brushes sweaty hair off Brooke’s forehead.

“Y-Yeah.”

“You need to get some sleep.”

“So do you,” Brooke says quietly. All Vanessa does is take care of her, worry about her, and Brooke knows she hasn’t done enough to help, especially with the vision. Vanessa’s been through bad shit like her and is suffering in ways Brooke can’t imagine, but she’s always so strong, iron forged in fire–

“Less thinking, more sleeping,” Vanessa insists, leading Brooke to bed.

Their bodies intertwine under the blankets, but neither sleeps. —

“Brooke, come here!” Vanessa yells around a mouthful of pumpkin brownie, tapping on the window.

On the street below, a sea of kids in bright colors weave in and out of pumpkins and decorations. She doesn’t know what she’s supposed to look at, until-

“Are they…”

Vanessa nods.

Two little girls head down the sidewalk. One wears a red suit with a V on the chest, the other in familiar royal blue, and she can just see the neon F.

“We’re legit heroes now, baby,” Vanessa grins, but her tears mirror Brooke’s own.

Their lips meet and Vanessa tastes like chocolate.

She thinks it’s the first time they’ve both forgotten about the vision. —

There’s been small earthquakes and electrical damage around the city, but no sightings of Quake or Shockwave.

Their nights are spent tackling common criminals beneath an inky sky.

She watches Vanjie scream at robbers and would-be murderers while desperately beating the crap out of them like it’s the only thing reminding her she’s still alive. The only thing keeping her alive.

Vanessa is suffering but Brooke has no idea how to help.

It’s like watching someone drown but being unable to save them.

Vanessa isn’t eating. Her eyes are rimmed with shadows. Her skin is painted purple and blue from all the fighting.

She doesn’t want to talk about it, and Brooke doesn’t want to force her.

Vanessa is close to breaking, and as much as Brooke wants to shatter, she can’t.

Sometimes she can’t even look at Vanessa without wanting to cry because she may never see her again.

Brooke’s heart is made of glass, but she needs to let it ice over before Vanessa burns herself out.

Because even though they have time, Brooke feels like she’s losing Vanessa already. —

It’s probably a stupid idea, but it has A’Keria’s blessing, so there’s hope.

Brooke works while Vanessa showers. She moves chairs and couch cushions and blankets until she has a sturdy blanket fort. She arranges fluffy pillows underneath, lays out the potato-chip cookies she’d made, and gets The Notebook set up.

Brooke is waiting when she emerges from the bathroom in her pajamas. “I have a surprise,” she says, covering Vanessa’s eyes. “Sorry about the cold hands.”

“I’m used to it. And there better not be any haunted house shit in here. Halloween’s over.”

“Nothing scary, I promise.” She removes her hands and watches Vanessa’s eyes get big, Brooke’s heart growing with them.

“Brooke.” Her hand goes to her mouth. “How did you…A’Keria,” she answers herself as she slides under the fort. “Damn. I love you so much. I don’t know how I got this lucky.”

“I’m the lucky one,” Brooke says as she nestles beside her. “So, um, I wanted to ask how you’re doing? Be honest.”

Vanessa shrugs and stares at the cookies. Brooke’s never seen her at such a loss for words. “I…I don’t know. I’m pissed–not at Yvie, it’s not her fault–but at everything, I guess, and I’m confused and sad and really fucking tired of it all, honestly.”

Brooke nods. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. But if you want to talk-”

“I know you want to help, but I don’t want to talk. Please.” Her voice gets small and Brooke’s heart aches for her. “I usually love screaming about my problems and feelings and shit, and I know everyone thinks it’ll help to talk about it, but I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“It’s fine,” she sighs. “I just want to watch this movie and have you hold me.”

“Of course.” She presses play as Vanessa curls into her side, Brooke’s arms steadying around her, feeling how tense she is.

It didn’t go quite as she planned, but Vanessa falls asleep with a smile on her face, so it wasn’t a total failure. —

“You seem a little distracted. Anything you want to talk about?” Nina’s voice drips with concern and Brooke wants to tell her. She should tell her.

She shrugs, fingers digging into the squeeze ball.

“Anything at all?”

“Meds,” Brooke mumbles, finally bringing them up like she’d told Vanessa she would a month ago.

“Something in particular about them?”

Another shrug.

“Can you give me a little something to go on?” Nina asks gently.

“I think I want to take them,” Brooke says eventually, eyes on her lap.

If Nina is surprised, she hides it well. “Okay. Did something happen that caused you to want them? You seem a little hesitant, and I want to make sure you’re confident and comfortable before I prescribe anything.”

She’s about to shrug again when she can’t keep it quiet anymore. “I…I’m just sick of it! I’m sick of sweating in the grocery store and thinking I’m gonna have a heart attack when I leave the house! I’m sick of the panic attacks and the headaches and not sleeping and I…” The outburst quickly drains her and her next words are a whisper. “I just want to be better.”

Nina is quiet.

“I’m s–I’m sorry I yelled. I didn’t mean to.”

“You don’t have to apologize for feeling.” Nina pauses. “Brooke, I’m so incredibly proud of you. I want to say that first because I think you need to hear it.”

Tears spring in Brooke’s eyes. Nina was proud of her.

“I understand why you’re upset, and why you’re scared. Anyone would be after what you’ve been through. But if you feel ready, I do think medication would help you.”

“But if I…” Her voice trembles as she releases a fear she hasn’t even told Vanessa. “If I take them, doesn’t it mean I’m not good enough? That I’m weak?”

“Oh, Brooke,” Nina says softly, and her eyes look slightly damp. “Not at all. You’re doing so well. There’s absolutely no shame in needing help. Asking for help and taking medication shows how strong you are, how hard you’re working to get better.”

Nina passes her the tissues and Brooke no longer hides her tears. “I’m ready,” she confirms.

Nina smiles. “There’s one more thing I want you to try.”

Brooke raises an eyebrow.

“I want you to try not to apologize when you’re here.”

Nina might as well have asked her to pilot a rocketship.

“I know it’s a lot, and I don’t expect you to do it immediately,” Nina amends at Brooke’s bewildered expression. “It’s just something I want you to try.”

Brooke nods.

“And Happy Thanksgiving!” Nina crows. —

She and Vanessa wake at sunrise.

“Please tell me you don’t play Monopoly on Thanksgiving,” Brooke begs as they season the turkey.

“Oh no, that’s for birthdays only.”

“Thank God.”

“On Thanksgiving and Christmas we do bingo.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“Mmm, you haven’t played with Silk. The bitch uses six cards. She used to keep a marker in her pocket and change the numbers. And she has to call out the numbers herself because she doesn’t trust us.”

“So I guess I’ll hide the valuables?”

Vanessa laughs and kisses her cheek.

Brooke knows what she’s thankful for. —

Silk barges in an hour early presenting her sweet potato casserole like it’s made of gold.

“Thank God we got Brooke to make the pies. Last year A’Keria was in her health-food phase and tried to poison us with low-fat nonsense,” Silk grumbles. “I almost wasted away.”

“And she brought that green shit white people love,” Vanessa adds.

“Kale?” Brooke guesses.

“That’s it.”

“She better not mess with my mashed potatoes. Last year she put cauliflower in them. Says you can’t taste the difference. Believe me,” Silk pats her chest proudly, “I can taste it.” —

“Everything good here?” A’Keria checks, glancing at the food covering every inch of counter surface.

“Yeah, I just hope Scarlet and Yvie like it.”

“Girl, you could go on the Food Network,” she declares, pointing to the pie-crust leaves on top of the pumpkin pie. “Everyone’s gonna love it.” A’Keria pats her arm in reassurance and the calm runs through her immediately. Brooke smiles in thanks, and A’Keria winks. —

“A’Keria, these potatoes are so good. What the hell is in them?” Yvie asks and Silk nods with her mouth full of them.

“Just butter and cream.” She pauses, grinning devilishly at Silk. “And cauliflower.”

Silk almost chokes. “You lying hoe!” She grabs a serving spoon and chases A’Keria around the table while the rest of them roar with laughter.

Brooke catches Vanessa’s eye, and she knows they’re thinking the same thing: Please don’t ever let this end. —

After a 2-hour bingo game resulting in 3 ripped cards, 2 spilled cups of coffee, one marker hurled out the window, Yvie flinging whipped cream in Scarlet’s hair, Silk almost swallowing a bingo ball, Brooke launching walnut shells like missiles, and Vanessa’s pumpkin pie fork nearly taking out A’Keria’s eye, everyone heads home.

“Brooke, I almost forgot,” Silk says as she leaves. “That Plastique girl? I found her.” —

She bounces her leg in her and Vanessa’s favorite coffee shop, because Nina had suggested they go somewhere she felt comfortable.

“You okay?” Vanessa asks. Brooke felt fine doing this without Nina, but there’s no way she’s doing it without Vanessa, even though Brooke feels guilty for dragging her along to something about her when they could be focusing on Vanessa.

“Yeah. It’s…she knew me before, you know? Not me now. And I’m not who I used to be. I don’t even know who I used to be.”

“Well, maybe you can’t focus on who you were. Because you are who you are now, and you don’t need to be anyone else. And for the record, I like who you are now a whole lot,” Vanessa bats her eyelashes and Brooke feels warmth spread through her.

Plastique looks exactly like she did in Brooke’s dreams–long black hair and a face so delicate it could be a doll’s.

She bursts into tears when she sees Brooke, touching her arm like she can’t believe she’s real. Which she probably can’t, Brooke realizes. She thought I was dead.

She gives Plastique the Silk-approved story: Brooke survived the plane crash with severe memory loss, met Vanessa, and has been trying to regain her memory. It’s not a total lie, but Brooke still sweats as she tells it, even though Plastique believes it and cries again halfway through.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t look for you. They said no one survived and I never thought…”

“Of course you didn’t. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“Brooke, it’s my fault you were on the plane,” Plastique says suddenly, voice thick.

“What do you mean?”

“I was supposed to be on it, but there was a mix-up and there wasn’t enough seats, so I was gonna take a later flight. You wanted to stay with me, but I told you to go…”

For just a second, Brooke considers how easy it would be. To blame Plastique, to have someone to hate for putting her on that plane and in the lab’s hands. But she can’t. It’s not Plastique’s fault, just like it’s not her fault. Nina always tells her it’s no one’s fault but the lab’s, and it’s never felt as true as it does now.

“No,” Brooke says firmly. “Nina–she’s my psychiatrist–she told me if you wouldn’t blame someone else for something, you shouldn’t blame yourself for it either. It wasn’t your fault, I promise you,” Brooke’s voice is fierce as she grips Plastique’s hand.

Plastique nods, wiping her tears.

Plastique had been an intern at the ballet company that Brooke was co-director of. Brooke had danced professionally with the same company for 6 years. She was leaving on her first tour as co-director when the plane went down.

Vanessa’s eyes silently ask if she remembers any of this. She remembers twirling across a stage, costumes light against her skin. She remembers feeling free.

Plastique pulls out her phone. “Here’s a picture of you when you danced.”

Brooke sees herself on the screen but can’t quite believe it’s her. She’s in white from her tiara to her pointe shoes, lacey costume on her lean body, hair pulled into a bun. She looks confident, so far from the Brooke who flinches at loud noises and stutters when ordering food that they’re hardly the same person.

“I’m loving this short hair on you, girl. You cut it right before the tour. I’m glad you kept it,” Plastique says.

Brooke’s never thought about it. It was short when she woke up at the lab, and they had kept it like that so it wasn’t in the way for her training or their medical exams. She likes it short and A’Keria trims it for her.

They talk for another hour, and Plastique promises to keep in touch.

Brooke is quiet on the way home, her mind buzzing.

“You alright?” Vanessa asks. “That was probably a lot, huh?”

She nods. She doesn’t know if she should miss the Brooke in that picture when she doesn’t really know that person. She doesn’t know if she should try to be more like that Brooke.

She thinks of what Vanessa said. Maybe it’s not about who she was. Maybe she doesn’t need to be anyone else.

Just being herself is enough. —

The last day of November dawns unusually bright.

Brooke stands over the sink with a pill in her hand. She looks out the window and her stomach drops, pill slipping through her fingers.

She feels the urge to run outside, let the flakes melt on her tongue, let the cold steal her breath and freeze her cheeks.

But she doesn’t.

Because it’s the first snowfall of the season, and they’re running out of time.

[pennpayper]

Show Your Face

Holly Stewart pushed her rolling suitcase through the door of her home but made sure to keep hold onto her carrying case and medical bag. She let out a grateful breath. She made it home with a little time to spare. Now all she needed was a quick shower and change. Then she could meet up with Gail and begin their night of celebration. A night she was more than ready for.

Holly and Gail were celebrating their first anniversary back together since her return to Toronto. It had taken some doing for them to get back on the same page. They had to first fight against their resentments, then readjust their anger, before they could finally make room for their understanding to grow. Once it did, the two crazy-in-love women could express their longing and see the love that had never left them.

It had not been an easy road. But as Holly rushed upstairs to prepare for the night, the slightly weary doctor would never say it was not worth it. She loved Gail Peck. Her crazy, beautiful, quick-witted, sharp-tongued girlfriend was certainly worth the work and more.

Holly turned the corner to her bedroom and smiled. She had been worried she would miss out on their special day after she was picked to consult on a case in Los Angeles. She was...

An unexpected shrilled yelp came from Holly’s bedroom, cutting her thoughts and her content smile short. Her girlfriend was apparently home from work and she had just slammed the bedroom door in front of her. Holly went to reopen the door. Her eyes went wide as it slammed back once again.

“Holly, don’t come in!” The muffled squeak came through the door. It was obviously said with Gail’s face pressed against it.

Holly frowned as she leaned into the door. The move was an automatic one for her. Her concern drew her to Gail as if comforting the sometimes skittish imp was now second nature to her.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want you to see me this way.”

Gail gave a little whine at the end of her reveal, and Holly’s doctor instinct kicked in.

“Jesus, Gail,” Holly groaned as she dropped her bags. She rushed into the bathroom grabbing her easily available first aid kit. Dating a police officer, she was always prepared.

“Are you hurt? What happened? Can you move all of your extremities? Is there any blood or stitches or—“

“Calm down, nerd.” Gail quipped through the door. Holly could tell she was smiling even through the door. Her tensed shoulders lessened as she immediately relaxed. If Gail was not freaking all of the way out, it was a good sign.

“It’s just... my face.” Gail grumbled as Holly heard a quick knock on the door. She figured that was her girlfriend’s forehead hitting said large slab of wood. Holly sighed before she made room for herself on the floor right next to the door. She placed her bag in the small space made by her crossed leg. Scooting in as close as she can get, she leaned against it.

“What happened?” Holly needed to know just how serious was this moment.

“Oh, just everything. The night’s ruined!”

“Gail, this night is hardly everything sweetie.”

“Oh, don’t act like you wasn’t looking forward to it.” The indignation from Gail brought out the smirk in Holly.

“You’ve been gone for two weeks. Not to mention—“

“I’m not saying I wasn’t looking forward to it,” Holly responded calmly. With Gail, calmness was key.

“I was. I still am.”

“But my face—“

“Is your face still attached to your body?” Holly interrupted. “Because unless you’ve undergone some type of rhytidectomy or otorhinolaryngology then—“

“I know what you’re doing, Holly. I’m not YouTubing those words just to get my mind off of this. Plus, you’re just going to laugh at grossing me out.”

Holly chuckled. Her girlfriend definitely knew how she worked. But she knew Gail just as well.

“What’s wrong with your face, Gail?” She heard mumbles but could not make heads or tails of them. Giving up on calm, Holly gave a frustrated sigh and heaved herself up. She firmly twisted the doorknob and shook her head when it stayed in place.

“Open the door, Gail.” She heard shuffling but the door nor the doorknob moved.

“Babe, seriously?!” Holly questioned.

Seconds passed but the sound of the click was telling. It was the sound of the lock moving back into its resting place. Holly smiled. It meant some movement between them had occurred. Not just currently but also while they were rebuilding their relationship. That meant something to Holly, a huge something.

She tried to remember that as she opened the door and looked at her disheveled girlfriend sitting at the end of the bed. Her hair was wildly springing from her down-turned head. Her brows were furrowed. And her lips... her lips were...

“You cannot be serious, honey?” Holly boomed across the room as she stared at the oddly vulnerable state of the love of her life.

“Don’t say this isn’t serious, Holly?” Gail’s sorrow-filled baby blues rested on Holly’s questioning chocolate brown eyes. Holly relented at the plea she saw in those eyes. Still, she could not let the craziness of this moment stand.

“Baby, a cold sore is not exactly life or death.”

“It is if you were hoping to enjoy these lips tonight.” Gail sighed.

“Gail, we don’t have to—“

“Ugh, spare me doc,” Gail groaned. “I know it’s not life or death. I know it will heal. But not tonight, Holly. Not by tonight.”

“You’re right,” Holly relented. “Not by tonight. And it does throw a wrench in our plans. But honestly my plans were to just spend time with you.”

One look. That’s all it took for Gail to call bullshit on Holly’s reassurances. Holly held up her hands in defeat. She did not even buy what she was saying. 

She admitted, “Okay. That wasn’t my only plan but...”

“Two weeks Holly! Since we’ve seen each other. Four since we—” Gail smashed her fists against the pillowtop bed. “It’s Duncan’s fault! He and those disgusting new recruits...”

Holly’s laughter caught Gail off guard, ending her rant. Gail glared at her menacingly. Well, as menacingly as one could with a huge cold sore prominently on their face. Holly had to admit it was pretty menacing. She quickly covered her mouth with her hand as a badly veiled attempt to hide her mirth.

“I’m sorry. You’re just so cute right now. All angry at Gerald.”

“Holly, a pus-filled bubble has swallowed half of my upper lip.”

Holly smiled at Gail’s gripe and sauntered across the room. Pressing a palm lovingly against each of Gail’s cheeks, she tilted the blond’s face closer into the room’s natural light. Yeah, she thought. She would never grow weary of this view.

“Still kind of beautiful though.”

“Yeah?” Gail whispered questioningly as she met Holly’s loving gaze. Holly simply nodded.

“Don’t forget,” as she pushed Gail back gently to lay against the bed. “I am a doctor. Honey, I got a lot of tools at my beck and call.”

It’s going to be that kind of party, huh?” Gail giggled. Holly chose this moment to stretch out on top of her beloved. Gail’s arms wrapped around Holly bringing her as close as she could. Holly could feel her breathing even out as she rested against Gail’s check. This was where she needed to be.

“Gail, you never have to hide your face from me.” She looked up to see Gail’s eyes trained on her.

“I will always love what I see. I won’t always like it. The stitches. Or the bruises. The cuts or the sores. The herpes...”

“Holly.” Gail squirmed uncomfortably. “Did you really have to call it that?”

“67% percent, Gail...” Holly stated as if it was a reminder of a past conversation. 

“67% of the people in our age range on this Earth carry the HSV-1 virus. It’s about as common as the common cold. Just because it carries the unfortunate distinction of being—“

“If I could, you know I would have kissed you by now.” Gail bit out with a groan.

“No doubt,” Holly agreed fondly.

“As I was saying, I won’t always like what I see on your face. But I will always love who I see.”

Holly rested her head back on Gail’s chest and closed her eyes. She could hear Gail’s steady and strong heartbeat. She realized it was the most beautiful sound in the world. Next to Gail’s voice... and her breathing... and her moans...

“Okay, nerd.” Gail said, once again ending Holly’s line of thinking.

“Out of the room. We have to get dressed so we can make up for lost time.”

“Okay,” Holly yawned as she shifted to get more comfortable. Neither of them moved. The room grew quiet. And it was their favorite anniversary for years to come.

[mytherapistsays-blog]

The Truth about Korean Skincare

The Truth about Korean Skincare ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ @MyTherapistSays ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ https://mytherapistsays.ca/the-truth-about-korean-skincare/

The Truth about Korean Skincare

Firstly let me start by saying this is not a sponsored post, this is my real experience and honest thoughts just wanted to share with you guys!

Everywhere you look lately, whether it’s magazines, Instagram, or dermatologists offices, Korean skincare is everywhere. I became interested in it after seeing so many videos on Instagram of people showing their 10-step skin care routines.

From travelling so much and not being able to have consistent dietary habits, I’ve noticed my skin take a turn for the worst.

Let me give you a brief background on my skin type.

I normally have combination type skin; dry around, and an oilier T-zone. So, taking care of my skin was always an effort, and a priority. The older I get, the more sensitive my skin gets, and because of those factors, I am very picky about my skin care routine and what products I use.

While I was in Seoul, South Korea, I decided to fix my skin since I’ve heard such amazing things about their beauty industry. In this article, I’m going to tell you my honest experience with Korean dermatology, their skincare products, and their MUST FOLLOW advice for amazing looking and healthy skin!

Since I didn’t (and still don’t) know the language, or anything about Korean procedures, my friends recommended for me to reach out to Docfinderkorea, an amazing company that basically deals with foreigners that want to come to Korea for any type of procedures, be it surgical, or dermatological. They went above and beyond with helping me find the perfect clinic that would suit all my needs. They only deal with the most trustworthy clinics in Korea, which was a super important factor for me, as safety for your skin and self is most important.

They arrange an airport pickup and drop off for you, they communicate with the clinics for you, translate everything, and are always with you for support, plus they also have amazing discounts with different clinics, so all my treatment prices were way lower than I had originally planned for! Whether you come alone or with family/friends they are always with you to help guide you through the journey. There really is no downside to using them, it didn’t cost me a cent, and they also picked me up and dropped me off for all my consultations and procedures. It was actually super helpful because in Seoul, it’s very hard to catch a cab without their apps, and if you do manage to catch one, telling them where you want to go in English is very hard for them to understand so most of the time they just reject your ride.

Moving on, Docfinder helped me meet with ID dermatology clinic, where I had my consultations. I had a massive breakout on my face and it was petrifying. I didn’t know the reason and tried everything I could to manage it, including several facials in Los Angeles and Toronto to help.

When I first entered the dermatology clinic, the building is beautifully decorated, everything is accented with gold and they have their own cosmetics line/skincare products on display in the waiting room for you to test out while you wait for your treatments/consultant. I particularly enjoyed that because I was looking for some new products to use since clearly something I’ve been using wasn’t working for me. They were very professional, took down my information, were very friendly and welcoming.

The consultant came to get me and Eugenia (Docfinderkorea) from the waiting room and we moved to a private room where we could discuss my problems and treatments. Their consultant was very knowledgeable and suggested many treatments that would help me, she was on the same page as me when it came to my concerns.

I told ID clinic about my concerns, which were: acne, sagginess, aging, sun damage, and hydration. They told me I needed to get several treatments done to help my skin [treatments and their purpose will be listed below]. I had a total of three days worth of treatments there and my skin felt and looked different from the first treatment!

1st Day of treatment included – Acne Treatment:

E2 Laser

A laser procedure using radio frequency to regenerate skin. It delivers heat to the epidermis layer repeatedly and regenerates skin.

Benefits: Helps scarring, acne, burns, wounds, crows feet, laugh lines, nasolabial folds, skin tone and skin texture improvement, pore tightening

Scaling Treatment

It’s a treatment that exfoliates dead skin, squeezing out acne if necessary, using light therapy, and a mask pack to cool inflammation.

Benefits: Helps discharge dirt/makeup residue in pores and discharge dead skin. It also helps control the amount of sebum for less acne-prone skin.

Thoughts/Results:

I would say for anyone worrying about acne, this set of treatments was where I saw the most difference instantly. To this day, my skin is way less oily, especially in the T-zone. My pores look and feel smaller, and my skin texture is smoother than it ever was! I used to have these small bumps under my skin that no amount of facials could get rid of. The scaling treatment and laser took care of that. I would recommend that 100%.

2nd Day of treatments included – Lifting, Rejuvenating & Moisturizing

Ulthera

The procedure uses ultrasound to lift and tighten skin in a non-invasive method. It induces skin to generate collagen.

Benefits: Lifts skin to make it tighter and makes skin generate collagen over time. There are several types, so a customized approach to each person’s age, skin condition, and fat layer is possible.

PRP

Platelet Rich Plasma, which includes various growth factors that activate collagen generation and encourage adult stem cell for faster skin healing process.

Benefits: It’s anti-aging, improves aged skin, saggy skin, wrinkles, skin elasticity, and tightens pores. It also helps with skin whitening like dark circles and improves melasma.

Volite Injection

It’s an injection of low molecular hyaluronic acid.

Benefits: It helps improve skin texture, pores, fine wrinkles, and skin elasticity. Simultaneously, it moisturizes the skin and generates collagen.

Co2 Laser

It’s a laser that is used in mole removal, also used for scars, sebaceous hyperplasia, age spots, skin tags, and many other ways.

Benefits:

A quick and less painful way of removing something from your face such as moles or scars using a laser.

Thoughts/Results:

This whole procedure was done the next day right after the acne treatment. Because I’m so afraid of pain and so sensitive, and I was doing many treatments in one go, I decided to go under local anesthesia. The result of all these for the next couple of days was minor swelling and bruising. They warned me about the healing process, advising me that swelling, bruising, and pain around the jaw area would be normal. I honestly only had minor swelling and could cover all my bruises with make-up and was able to leave my hotel after just two days. The results of these treatments will be shown overtime.

Ulthera, they told me, would take at least a month to see any difference, however for PRP and the Volite injection, results would be seen sooner, but still take a few days.

3rd Day of Treatment included – De-swelling Treatment

Normally you don’t need this if you don’t want it, but since I was travelling back and had work and so on, I wanted a treatment that would help my skin heal faster from the bruises and swelling. Plus, it felt really good!

De-swelling treatment program:

It’s a 5 step procedure-

Cleansing residue on skin by aesthetician

Radio-frequency treatment

Regeneration light therapy

Mask pack

Finishing treatment including moisturizer and sunscreen.

Benefits:

It relaxes and soothes skin after the injections and laser procedures. Helps calm redness and swelling.

Thoughts/Results:

I got this treatment done the day before my flight and was more than ready to take on the 13 hour long flight back. They helped me feel refreshed, relaxed, and more secure about my skin. All in all I would recommend this treatment if you got something that was painful in any way!

ID clinic, being the sweethearts they are, gave me an after care package with healing/recovery face masks as well as an envelope with each treatment and the aftercare necessary, covering all my questions. I’m the type of person that is super careful, and follow instructions to the letter, so those guidelines really helped me. After the treatment was over, Docfinderkorea sent a car for me to go to the airport. It was a huge SUV, that fit all my luggage, with the driver already having all my flight information so no language barrier was felt. All in all, I was, and am, more than pleased with my experience and results! Would I recommend this to my friends, family, and you guys? Absolutely, without a doubt!!! I know how depressing having bad skin is, and how it impacts your self esteem and daily mood. I will definitely plan a trip to Korea for my skin up-keeping at least once a year. Especially with Docfinderkorea being so easy to plan with. It’s as simple as WhatsApp-ing them and they will have the whole team help you plan your next trip.

It’s been two weeks now since my treatment and I can confidently leave the house without make-up. This helps my overall mental and physical health. I haven’t had any breakouts upon my return!

Since I did all these procedures, I also decided to do the 10 step Korean skin care routine, to make sure my skin maintenance is under control. Most of the people I saw in Seoul had incredibly flawless skin, so I decided to follow their advice and invest more time into my skin care routine.

Now, the one main rule all of the people in Korea follow to have amazing skin is…SUNSCREEN!!! I know it’s crazy, but I used to think sunscreen made my skin oily and gave me breakouts, but Korean products have changed my views. I decided to use ID.AZ dermatology clinic products, since when they used them on me, I didn’t have any breakouts and they didn’t give my skin any negative reaction, plus they are made and tested by dermatologists, so another bonus there!

I would definitely call this a miracle for me, as I felt very stressed about my skin this whole summer to fall. Now I will keep you guys posted on the continuation of my journey and how my skin does with ID.AZ skin care products. Look forward to it!

Hope you enjoyed my journey!