#honestly I love anyone who reads my work and enjoys it whether they leave kudos comments or nothing at all

[oldfashionedmorphine]

the comments on my fic always make everything worth it. I love you guys so much I hope you know that! ❤️❤️❤️

[suzukiblu]

hi! i have a question for you, if that’s ok? i always try to leave comments on fics i read, especially on ao3 where it’s really easy to do that. in other fandoms i’ve been in, before getting into dc, fic authors often responded to my comments on their works and it was pretty easy to make friends through that and other social media and have lots of fun interactions talking about the fandom and our favorite characters etc.

however, i’ve found with this fandom it seems to be very different? almost nobody seems to respond to comments on their fics and i’ve found it very difficult to make any fandom friends, even in a casual-tumblr-mutuals kind of way. (this isn’t about you btw, you seem like the friendliest person i’ve come across on here so far which is why i’m asking you haha)

i completely understand many people are busy or some authors may find responding to comments overwhelming, but i was just wondering if this is something you or anyone else has noticed? is it a quirk of the dc fandom in particular? or am i just getting older and fandoms in general are changing haha, idk.

anyway sorry for the long ramble, feel free to ignore if i’m making no sense. i really enjoy all your stories (and your art! your art style is so cute!) and i hope you’re having a great day :]

Thank you, I'm glad you like my stuff! Especially the art, that I always feel like I'm worse at, hah. ❤️ I hope you're having a great day too. And asking me questions is always okay, no worries! I can't always get to everything in my inbox, to be honest, but I do my best to respond to as much stuff as I can. Either way, though, I never mind getting questions.

Personally I don't currently respond to most of my comments (I try to answer questions that aren't spoilers, but that's usually it these days) because it's just really easy for me to run out of spoons doing it and end up down a rabbit hole of comments instead of actually WRITING, which stresses me out because then I don't feel suitably "productive" for my imposter syndrome brain, and I also know a few people who don't respond because of anxiety or things like that, but I don't know if it's specifically a DC fandom thing or an overall trend in fandom in general? Every fandom is different, obviously, and also certain SECTIONS of those fandoms are different. Like, when I was into MCU fandom, I never really expected super-involved responses when I wrote Stucky because there was SO MUCH Stucky that it seemed like a lot of people just kinda churned through it and it all blurred together for them, but when I wrote about Darcy Lewis oh BOY did people come out of the woodwork to tell me how much they loved it in GREAT detail. Having a niche in general helps, I think, because if you're doing something that isn't super-common or interested in something that isn't super-common, people will be more excited to see it from you or hear you appreciating it from them.

I WILL say there's only a couple DC authors I can currently think of who I generally assume I'll get replies from when I comment on their fic, but I don't know if that's the specific fandom or just that I'm not reading a ton of fic right now and therefore have a smaller pool of authors I'm commenting on. Like, it's hard to tell, honestly. Also DC is a very widespread fandom and pretty old and established, but there's definitely characters and series and canons that just get ignored by huge chunks of it, so if you're into them you either have a real easy time finding people who are excited to talk to you or a real HARD time, depending on where you're looking.

Either way, I think it's really great that you try to leave comments on everything you read and a really good habit for the fandom ecosystem, I know a TON of authors who appreciate getting even, like, a single friggin' emoji or kudos, whether they respond or not. Literally any not-a-hate-comment comment is good for the ecosystem, imo, even when it's not obvious that it is. I very literally once wrote, like, eighty thousand words pretty much just because someone left a very kind comment on an old fic I'd abandoned. I did not actually RESPOND to that comment, as far as I remember; I just changed my mind about abandoning the fic and went through the long-ass process of getting my brain back into it and then the even longer-ass process of writing another 80k over the next few months/year until I got to the end. So like, I VERY much am a person who believes in the value of feeding the ecosystem, hah.

I am largely a call-and-response type of writer myself, so like, getting comments or people talking to me in my replies/asks/messages is basically like somebody is putting tokens in the fic machine and pulling a lever, and we'll all just see if I write three sentences or 80k or secretly tailor a fic towards things a frequent commenter's mentioned appreciating/being into. It's a surprise every time, with me!! And like, that's just how I work, of course, everybody's different, but I have NEVER met anybody who told me they didn't like getting comments.

When I leave comments myself, I tend to feel like more like I'm just telling the author that I think they're on the right track with the thing they're writing, one way or another, and letting them know it got a reaction or feelings or the like out of me, but I'm generally not really expecting a response from them. For actually making friends, I've found MUCH more luck in talking to people on Tumblr and Discord than on AO3. I've made friends on AO3 on and off over the years, but it's just much, MUCH easier for me to do on Tumblr and Discord. Though I kind of have a cheat code there in the sense that I'm a pretty prolific writer and so I've kinda encouraged people to get into the habit of checking my blog pretty frequently or even put alerts on for it, so generally people have a lot of opportunities to talk to me or be reminded I'm around.

I tend to notice people who show up repeatedly in my Tumblr mentions, personally, especially when they talk in the tags or comment in the replies or send me asks, and some of them I've either become friends with or just, like, secretly adopted as secret faves and sometimes sneak little extra treats of Things I Think That One Tumblr Person Would Like into my writing or pick specific WIPs to work on because I think "hey last time I wrote this [ TUMBLR FAVE ] really liked it, I should write more!" (and then I cackle in triumph/delight when they reblog it later, for that is a Victory, mwahaha), but like, it's a process? I definitely feel like making friends in fandom is generally slower than it was once upon a time, but also I'm a Fandom Old so there's been a few migrations and such over my time online too. And also Discord confuses me, hahaha. Discord is VERY confusing to me.

Ummm . . . okay I got INTO that reply, I guess, lol, but I hope that answered your question? Or at least helped answer it, if nothing else!

[atticsandwich]

20 Questions for Writers

thanks for the tag, @fickleminder! <3

just wanted to do this for fun, so no tags :> i'll leave the questions below for anyone who wants to do it though! u can say i tagged u hihi <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

i currently only have 10 :') i deleted/orphaned a lot of my old stuff from previous fandoms (even purged my ff net, which i still regret bc i didn't have any backups)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

21,432!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently mainly writing for obey me, but i have written for genshin, haikyuu, pokemon, ensemble stars, my hero academia, final fantasy, harvest moon (story of seasons), and the inazuma eleven series

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

name - genshin impact, xiao/aether like a bird perched on your shoulder - haikyuu, atsumu/hinata burnt toast, sunday - obey me, mephisto/mc more than they can say - obey me, mephisto/mc out of focus, eye to eye - obey me, beel/mc

5. Do you respond to comments?

as much as i can! i foget to sometimes though lol

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don't think i write particularly angst-y fics, but the one that would fit the bill the most would be more than they can say

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most of my fics have happy-ish endings, i tend to write fluff more often than not >< i'll just say before the constellations of autumn arrive since it's more or less a reunion fic

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, thankfully! i do get the occassional "i'll kill u /pos" comments, which i enjoy :>

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i used to, but don't anymore :') i kinda suck at it so it's a good thing i stopped lol

10. Do you write crossovers?

i've written my fair share of pokemon au fics... which does fall in the crossover category, i think

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of, thankfully!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, back on ff net! idk where it is now tho :') all i know is that it was a tsurugi/tenma fic

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not yet! maybe one day.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

heavy question. i have a lot of favorites, but the ship i will always love and fall back to regardless of whether or not i'm in the fandom anymore is atsuhina (atsumu/hinata) from haikyuu

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I WANNA FINISH IT SO BAD especially after the phantom butterfly ssr devilgram :'(

16. What are your writing strengths?

i honestly have no idea, lol. a lot of people say i write dialogues really well, and that my characterizations are always on point, so... maybe that?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

oh this one i know. visualization. i still have trouble with it sometimes but at least i can say i've improved on it lol

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

depends, i guess? it can be done well, imo. i've read some fics where the author inserts their own native language in their writing.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

inazuma eleven. funnily enough, i've been in a pokemon fan for longer but have only thought about writing for it after i've already written for ina11

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

they're all my children u can't make me pick (<- has insane overthinking periods where i think none of my writing is good enough)

(questions under the cut!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

[therealkags]

thank you.

TWs: SA mention, mental health stuff

this year has not been kind. i started writing i know the end early on in the fall semester. i was just writing it for fun, expecting to leave it unfinished in my google drive like so many other unseen works. it was a good way to decompress between homework assignments, something that would keep my brain working while still providing some sort of reprieve from the endless stream of assignments.

but toward the middle of the semester, i experienced an assault that sent my brain into panic mode. i felt like i was walking through fog. i was isolating, i was falling behind in class, i was miserable. it was early on in this haze that i decided that i should just go ahead and post the first chapter of IKTE.

i never expected anyone to read it, let alone enjoy it. it was poorly written, hastily and carelessly edited, and posted with an emotionless note. honestly, i'm not quite sure why i posted it at all. i haven't exactly been putting my best foot forward as i've written it, so much of it contains poor word choice, poor use of punctuation- just poor quality in general.

but my god. those of you who have commented have given me nothing but love, acceptance, support. and i know this might sound dramatic, but knowing that other people enjoy the scenarios that my brain has created when distracting me from my overwhelming emotions- it means the world to me.

more than once this semester, i've found myself standing at the precipice of giving up, dropping out of college, running away from everything.

but instead of doing so, i elected to pour out everything i was feeling into this work. chapter twelve was edited and partially rewritten during the anniversary of my dad's death. chapter sixteen was written in the days that followed the traumatic event, and chapter seventeen was written soon after. chapters that haven't been posted yet were also written as the result of experiences and emotions that needed a healthy outlet, and i chose IKTE as my coping mechanism.

i don't want to make this into a pity party for myself, because that's not what this note is supposed to be.

this is a THANK YOU letter.

for those who have left comments, those who have engaged in conversation with me about my writing. you've provided a distraction, an outlet, a coping mechanism without even realizing it.

for those who have left kudos, you've validated that this work is even worth posting, worth finishing. you've encouraged me to keep writing, to keep using this as a healthy way to deal with everything.

for those who have even clicked on my work, whether you've continued reading or not, you've showed me that people find my ideas interesting enough to give it a chance- to give me a chance.

i've been doing the work to get back on my feet, as difficult as it is. i'm still learning how to keep going, and i believe that's been adequately translated into this work. but all of you have given me an extra push when i've needed it most, and i can't thank you enough.

i'll end this by pointing out that you- all of you- have done something amazing for me without even realizing it. you have the ability to change someone's world, to help someone with the simplest click of a link. YOU ARE SO VALUABLE whether you believe it or not.

and whatever struggle you're carrying, whatever has beaten you down this year until you think you'll never be able to get back up- YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

and despite it all, we made it through 2022.

i'm so proud of us.

~ Kags

[baku-bowl]

broke 1,000 followers (the fuck? I don't even make content people), so decided to write up a list of some (but not all, I'll make other lists later) of my favorite Bakugou-centric fic recs. my tastes run towards hurt/comfort, as you'll probably figure from the list. if there are some Baku-centric fics that you've enjoyed that aren't on here, please add them - this is definitely not a complete list of the ones I've read and love, but I'm always up for some recs. <3

fair warning, most of these are wips.

------------------------------------------------

Social Media 101 by WindsChild8178

Part 1: Survival Guide to Fucking Up

[Solely Bakugou’s point of view]

Katsuki Bakugou doesn’t have a gentle bone in his body. He’s aggressive in everything he does and does everything with 100% of his heart in it. After the Sport’s Festival, Katsuki starts to get harassed by strangers for his unheroic demeanor. It starts with letters but it doesn’t end there. The moment Katsuki realizes the harassment has entered dangerous territory and he needs to tell someone, it’s already too late.

Part 2: Post Traumatic Life Disorder

[Point of View opens up to Bakugou, teachers and classmates]

When the Dorms are finally built, everyone is settling in well, but things become tense as people begin to realize something isn’t right with the recently rescued Bakugou.

[Cannon compliant right up to after the License Exam]

hands down my favorite fic in the fandom right now. it’s the one that converted me into a Bakugou lover. if you have any fondness for Bakugou as a character then it’s likely you’ve read this one already, but if not, I can’t recommend it enough. incredibly depressing, but with the hope that comfort is coming soon in the next few chapters.

The Kids Will Be Alright, Eventually by NotWithThatAttitude

Bakugou is spiraling in the aftermath of Kamino and his friends are starting to notice. He's stubborn, aggressively independent, and less than willing to dig into his past, but after a breakdown that ends with a painful secret revealed, he starts to get help.

Whether he likes it or not.

Meanwhile, a new kind of villain threatens an uneasy peace following the loss of Allmight. Whispers build as a new narrative slowly takes shape:

Hero society needs to change.

Feat. Therapy, Dadzawa, best boy Kirishima, dysfunctional families, healing, growing up, and the mortifying ordeal of being known

guys.. the medical accuracy of this fic is just... *chef’s kiss*

I rarely see mental health genuinely handled well in fics, but this one goes above and beyond. kudos to the author for doing such excellent research into psychology, and making the application of it in here not-boring. also, while this one does have abusive!Mitsuki, it’s done in a way that feels realistic, and how I usually will see it occur in real life, rather than just for the hurt/comfort feels.

fair warning, the fic can be incredibly triggering (themes of severe depression, PTSD, panic attacks, rape survival, abuse survival, suicidal ideation/attempted suicide, among other things), so be safe and heed the tw’s if you decide to read. legitimately one of my Top Favorite fics in this fandom.

Lock and Key by autochorystalize

Bakugou made a choked, gravelly noise before croaking out a low, “You can’t be serious.” His fingers ached to blow up everything in the room.

��I’m sorry, young man, but you can’t change reality! This sometimes happens.” Recovery Girl clicked through his file, adding a new symbol in a previously empty slot.

- - -

A pair of eyes discreetly locked on to an explosive blond plowing his way forward, parting people in his path. He recognized the kid, of course. Anyone in the underbelly of society would recognize him, after the publicity of both UA’s Sports Festival and the events leading up to All Might’s fall. The uniform he was wearing cast away any doubts about the young man’s identity.

It was a bit of a surprise that the little firecracker presented as an omega.

- - - - - - - - -

Or: there are certain types of evil that seemed too distant, archaic violations and perversions that would never actually threaten bright-eyed heroes-in-training in the clean, modern world...but sometimes those evils aren't as distant as one might think.

remember when I said that I love a/b/o fics that are full of plot and world-building and gender-induced tension? that’s this one. the OC’s are fabulous and you love to hate ‘em. also, it’s the fic that made me fall head-over-heels for the TodoBaku dynamic, so it’s got a special place in my cold, dead heart. 

be warned, there are rather explicit non-con scenes between an adult (OC) and a minor (Bakugou) in this one, but the author warns for them in advance, and you could likely skip those parts without missing too much if you need to.

Never and Always, Eventually by Wawa_Boonliang

"Katsuki can remember the exact moment that he and Deku…that he and Midoriya Izuku became friends. He can also remember the moment he and Izuku became fierce rivals, a time when they were almost enemies.

However, what he remembers most clearly about their relationship is the moment that they moved passed rivals and became something more close than mere friends. Something more like brotherhood, something forged in fire and secured in the middle of a battlefield or in the midst of natural disaster where the number of the dead was climbing ever higher. And then it was torn from him."

Katsuki is given a second chance. A chance to save everyone. A chance to change everything.

But should he?

y’all. I’m a slutty, slutty whore for time travel fics. a time travel fic with autistic!coded Bakugou? it was love at first read.

Lessons Learned by Sif (Rosae)

Rather than the police station, Katsuki's friends bring him to a hospital after rescuing him from the villains. His wounds were minor, but it didn't make having them treated any less important. As it would so happen, Best Jeanist was also brought to this hospital after the attack.

Sometimes, small choices have a big impact on how a story plays out.

classic Bakugou hurt/comfort. this fic opened me up to the potential that could be a genuinely good Best Jeanist & Katsuki mentor-mentee relationship, and I kind of dig it and search ravenously for it in other fics now. I’m also a huge fan of the behind-the-scences Pro Hero Chat group.

Slope by sunfleurmoon

“I’m not a hero. Or a good person,” Katsuki says, giving Aizawa a pointed look, “So leave me alone. I don’t care about the League or UA, or you—” The two years he’s been away have been fine, more than fine, fucking fantastic actually if you ignore the bi-monthly near-death experiences. He doesn’t need this place. He doesn’t miss this place.

And yet, longing, a childish desire to tear up, or maybe blow something to bits, they all twist in his chest like a band of traitors regardless. “—I just want to go home.”

Or: the one where Katsuki and Izuku fail the first term exam, Aizawa discovers their pasts, and Katsuki is booted from UA. Featuring questionable descriptions of villain organizations, a slightly illegal moving shop, and your favorite emotionally constipated badass in distress with a newly discovered penchant for collecting strays.

paaaaaaiiiiiiiin. the hurt is ALIVE in this one. lots of tortured, angsty exploding child goodness. the OC’s are excellently crafted, and the Bakugou & Eri relationship? beautiful. definitely deserves a read.

Ground Zero by WindsChild8178

In the wake of Kamino, Katsuki is tested more than anyone could imagine. Bound by a villain’s quirk to keep his silence or die, he lives each day knowing it might very well be his last. He continues to work towards becoming a hero, keeping his secret from his classmates and teachers, focusing on making it through each day and trying not to allow the panic or depression to get the best of him. When the villain finally corners him with demands in exchange for his life, there is really only one answer Katsuki Bakugou can give.

honestly don't know which I want updated more - social media 101 or ground zero. this author's fics are amazing, and I really wasn't expecting the twist in this one. can't wait for windschild to come back to this fic some day.

The Defect by LadyGreenFrisbee

"Why do you want to win the Sports Festival so badly?" 

Because I want to see if the defect could usurp the masterpiece.

(In which Endeavor holds a terrible secret and Bakugo has to suffer since childhood for it.)

a great concept, and I adore the shouto and Katsuki sibling interaction here. hoping the author will come back to this one some day.

A Name That You'll Remember by Heronfem

Kirishima Eijirou is a Hero. Bakugou Katsuki... is not. Trapped in his toxic workplace and increasingly desperate to get out, Red Riot's days are only brightened by a new villain known as Caution, who's not exactly villainous and keeps accidentally doing good deeds. But when a real villain appears, a threat from the past that demands that Red Riot make the ultimate sacrifice to keep the public safe, Bakugou is forced into saving the day... and eventually, Red Riot himself.

sob story good guy villains are my weakness, this fic is a gem, and I'd kill for the sequel.

Our Hero by AnonymousTwit

He felt everything jerk to the side and throw his balance off before he saw anything, dust clouding his vision and irritating his lungs as the earth itself opened up to swallow them whole. For a single moment, in a millisecond's time, his wild eyes locked with Raccoon Eyes', hers alight with fear and adrenaline-fueled desperation. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that it was the first time she'd looked at him with something other than long-deserved hatred in days.

And then he was free falling.

Or

After a particularly nasty encounter between childhood friends, the class learns about Bakugou and Midoriya's dark history and practically ostracizes Bakugou while trying to defend Midoriya. An earthquake during an outing has all sides regretting their decisions.

just fucking tear apart my self-sacrificing faves in every way imaginable while their loved ones watch on in terror. 💖🥰💖 this one is heavy on the Bakusquad and Class-1A feels, and VERY heavy on the Mina & Bakugou relationship (platonic).

Running back the tape, watching it replay by Faralyne

For someone ripped from their time, ripped from the few but strong relationships built by time and personal development, by self-reflection and swallowed pride, ripped from the one thing that made him feel worthwhile and needed and put-together, and forced to forge everything over again—Katsuki thinks he is handling it pretty fucking well.

Or

A villain’s quirk sends a 29-year-old Bakugou back in time to his middle school days.

am I a sucker for time travel? yes. am I a sucker for vigilante!bakugou? also yes. am I a sucker for this fic? literally refreshing the page in wait for an update as we speak.

Liability by sandelf

After All-Might dies rescuing Bakugou from the League, Bakugou is determined to prove it wasn't for nothing.

But the world is against him, his grief is overwhelming, and his stability is splitting at the edges.

very self-indulgent bakugou angst. tw for harassment, severe depression, and suicidality.

Special Mentions:

How To Win The Sport Festival: A Step By Step Guide by mhwright

Short re-imagining of the Sports Festival Arc if Shinso had planned a little better and worked a little harder to win the Sports Festival and if the match-ups had been slightly different. Self-indulgent fic of watching him succeed.

this is completely Shinsou-centric, not Bakugou-centric, but I love and adore it and am dying for a sequel. Shinsou is Best Boy here and you'll be rooting for him the whole time.

[drowningbydegrees]

Fanfic Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @lokibus! <3 <3 <3

How many works do you have on Ao3?

54. I've written quite a bit more, but I just can't be bothered to carry over most of the fics from my LJ days. Also, once upon a time I had a super insecure streak and I went on an orphaning spree, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What’s your total Ao3 word count?

Apparently 457,241! Kinda same as above.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Though I Try Not To (The Witcher)

I'm so weirdly pleased about this. I fell into Witcher fandom totally by accident. I don't usually do fixit fics, but I couldn't help myself. This is, I think, the only fic to date where I've started posting as a WIP and actually followed through and finished.

Where All Roads Lead (MCU)

If there is one plot device I'm just eternally a sucker for, it's time travel shenanigans. This was one of the two time travely fics I wrote for Stucky fandom.

For The Space of a Heartbeat (The Witcher)

I'm honestly really surprised by this? This was totally just a self indulgent spur of the moment kinda thing, and it's only a couple thousand words.

Even in the Dark I Know You (The Witcher)

Okay, I lied. There were two WIPs I actually followed through and finished. This started as a random oneshot for a whump week thing, and then the prompt for the next day fit so well with a follow up chapter that this just turned into a whole story. I really enjoy subverting tropes and with witcher biology I see a lot of sensory overload kinds of fics, so I decided to play with the idea in reverse.

Even if it Hurts (Even if it Makes Me Bleed) (The Witcher)

So, most of the time when I settle into a fandom, there's one fic idea that I feel like I cannot leave without writing. For Witcher fandom, this was that fic. I have a lot of complicated thoughts about soulmates as a romantic concept, even more so when you're involving characters like Geralt, for whom fate is so often a double edged sword. This story was very much an excuse to dig into what soulmates mean for personal agency under the guise of a narrative. XD

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Admittedly, I do this with embarrassing inconsistency. Basically, what happens is: * Something gets a good response. * I respond to a few comments and then find myself overwhelmed (mentally, not as in there are a truly overwhelming number of comments). * I step away for a bit. * A month later I realize I still haven't replied. Cue paralyzing indecision about whether it's too late to reply. * Rinse and repeat.

I do want to! And I'm working on it. I've gotten a little better about it, but my apologies to anyone who I haven't responded to. Please know I'm not intentionally ignoring you. ;_;

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Oh hmm. I had a reputation for a really long time as primarily an angst writer, but pretty much all my stories have a happy ending for some given quantity of happy. I guess it kind of depends on how one qualifies that.

Noonwraiths and Other Woodland Forest Creatures maybe. It's got a got a pretty fluffy ending.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It's a tossup.

I, The Paradox, which is my other time travel fic from my Stucky fandom days, with a paradox (shocking) that lands Steve with two versions of Bucky. For plot purposes even! It's not a particularly smutty story. It ends sort of ambiguously. There's a sequel outlined that was meant to resolve said ambiguity, but alas, it's still sitting in my WIP folder.

Truth in the Periphery. It's a psychological horror story I wrote for an event. I think it's the only fanfic I've ever written that was really intended as a hurt/no comfort kind of story.

Do you write crossovers?

I haven't, but not because I specifically don't. I've just never had an idea that felt compelling enough to follow through on.

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Maaaaybe once or twice a long, long, long time ago, back when FFN was still the best option for posting outside of LiveJournal. I don't think it was even about the writing. I think it was someone was mad that my much younger self tried to sneak smut onto FFN.

Do you write smut? if so, what kind?

I have such a love/hate relationship with smut in my own work. I used to write it a lot because I felt like I had to. It was until I came to terms with being more or less ace irl that it occurred to me why I didn't enjoy writing it. Weirdly, I like reading it just fine.

The thing is, while I don't really care for the physical aspect of it, I like the emotional touchpoints of it, so I do still write smut sometimes. It just tends to be a little cursory in terms of action details and heavy on character dynamics.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. But I used to RP a lot, and it's always been a lot of fun, so I wouldn't be opposed to the idea!

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Oh shoot. From a romantic standpoint that varies so much depending on what fandom I'm currently feeling enthusiastic about. It's pretty much always a specific character that draws me to a fandom, so I think the most consistent ship I have is favorite character/unconditional love and support. XD

What’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The sequel to I, The Paradox I mentioned earlier.

What are your writing strengths?

If there's one thing I feel like I have a consistently good handle on, it's emotional impact. I put a lot of thought into why people make the choices they do and how they relate to each other, and I would like to think I'm reasonably adept at leading readers to the emotional response I'm going for.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions. I'm just forever in awe of people who can just write settings/action naturally. It's a constant effort for me, and it's the thing I always feel like I fall short on. I can write navel gazing in my sleep, but an action scene? Pfftttt.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Very situational. Kind of like in movies and television. I don't have any kind of always x or y opinion on it though.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Inuyasha. It was back when I didn't have a computer of my own and would write at the library, so the only record of it was the site I used to draft and post to that is now defunct. No one is happier about this than I am. 😂

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I think I'm genuinely pretty proud of everything I've written in the last couple of years, but if I had to pick right now, it'd be It Doesn't Break But it Bends. It's a time loop fic. Someone left "Recommended but you will sob." as their bookmark note for it and I think that might be my crowning achievement in fandom.

Tagging (if you want!): @mikkeneko @goodheavensgwen @writinglizards @plotdesigner And anyone else who wants to <3

[electricshoebox]

writing tag

Tagged by the lovely @adventuresofmeghatron, thank you!

Tagging: @junemermaid, @molliehaswords, @desynchimminent, @valkyriejack, and @mercurymiscellany​, if you’d like to do it!

1.  How many works do you have on AO3? 

39. Holy shit. 

2.  What’s your total AO3 word count?

533,274 words. Holy shit.

3. What are you top 5 fics by kudos?

How to Share a Bed Without Killing Each Other: a Love Story (Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dorian/Iron Bull, 5 Chapters, Complete) The trials and tribulations of literally sleeping together.

Rivers in the Sand (Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dorian/Iron Bull, Oneshot, Complete) The Hissing Wastes unsettles Bull’s memories, and when he and Dorian are trapped together by a fallen pillar, Dorian helps him deal.

a soft place to land (Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dorian/Iron Bull, Oneshot, Complete) When a letter from his father sets him off, Dorian turns to Bull for a distraction.

Always Good at Bad Ideas  (Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dorian/Iron Bull, Oneshot, Complete) Bull gets injured fighting a dragon, which leaves Dorian frantic enough to blurt out the one thing he was trying to keep to himself.

Flashpoint (Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dorian/Iron Bull, Oneshot, Complete) “One time he got so excited he set the curtains on fire.”

4. Do you respond to comments?  Why or why not? 

Yes, always! I’ve seen various opinions on whether authors should, but to me, engaging with and getting excited with readers is half the fun and half the point. I also just really want people to know how much it means to me not only that they read, but that they take the time to leave a comment. Comments are hard to write. I completely sympathize with that, sometimes you just don’t know what to say or how to say it, and I absolutely don’t begrudge anyone that doesn’t. It just means a lot to me when people do, even when it’s literally just “This was cool!” or something, and I want them to know that it’s appreciated!

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm. I guess that sort of depends on your definition of angsty. None of them have directly tragic endings, it’s just not in me to write that way, but I have one or two with open or less definitely, obviously happy endings. The rarepair DA2 oneshot I wrote for Merrill/Orana, Counting the Cost, has the most open ending, left completely up to interpretation. The Inception AU DAI fic I wrote for Dorian/Bull, In the Shadow of Dreams, has what I think of as an optimistic ending, and less a happy one. I tried to end that one with more romance, but it just didn’t fit the tone of the rest of the fic, so a quiet ending that signals a road to recovery was what I chose instead.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Most all of my oneshots have pretty happy endings. I guess I’m tempted say A Line in the Sand, my Deacon/MacCready start-from-scratch slow burn novel, just because it goes from antagonists to lovers and has the longest road with the most earned happy ending. I feel like the long struggle to get there makes it feel happier. 

7. Do you write crossovers?  If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really. Instead I’m sometimes tempted into AUs based on other media, but not full blown crossovers with actual different characters meeting. Even then, I’m really picky in what I enjoy. I’ve only written one, the Inception AU for Dragon Age that I mentioned above. Honestly, it requires no knowledge of Inception at all. I really just stole a bunch of concepts from it and then made my own modernized Thedas around them.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Thankfully no! I’ve received one or two kind of odd comments, but otherwise I’ve been very lucky and everyone’s been really nice.

9.  Do you write smut?  If so, what kind?

Hell yeah! I’ve written many kinds, really, whatever I feel like or whatever fits the fic. I’ve done plenty of your typical smut. I branched out into light BDSM with several of my Dorian/Bull fics, as well as waxplay and praise kink. I’ve also done some roleplay in the vein of “established relationship pretending to be strangers meeting at a bar” for Deacon/MacCready with By Any Other Name.

10.  Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. 

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! Two of my Dorian/Bull fics, Wishing Stars and No Patron Saint of Silent Restraint, both by the same lovely person: landanding on AO3. I don’t think I stopped flailing for a solid day when I got the request for permission either time.

12.  Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not since pre-AO3 days, beyond collaborating in a tabletop setting. I’m not completely opposed to the idea but it would have to be someone I felt really, really comfortable with and with whom I have really good communication. I’m really particular about my writing, and I’d need to know someone’s emotional comfort level with trading and changing and even eliminating ideas.

13.  What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Oh god that’s honestly really hard. I’ve written the most for Dorian/Bull and that ship will always have a special place in my heart. But I did write my first full-length novel for Deacon/MacCready, and they’ve already got me in the middle of my second. So they’re the ship that taught me I could do that, and they’re my beloved rarepair. There are a few more I absolutely love, but I think those are my top two right now.

14.  What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Definitely Uprising. It was the first time I tried longform fic, and it was meant to be an entire retelling of DA2 with Velanna as the Justice-bearing character, rather than Anders, because after learning the developers almost took DA2 in that direction, I couldn’t get it out of my head. I had a lot of plans for it, for how Justice might develop differently, for what it might have looked like if elves had been more of the battleground issue instead of mages vs. templars, for some angsty bittersweet long distance Nathaniel/Velanna and some complicated Fenris/Hawke and Merrill/Orana. But I drifted away from Dragon Age fandom in interest a long time ago, and I’m not sure I’ll ever get the steam back for it. I’m proud of how far I did get, though.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I feel pretty confident with dialogue, I can usually make a scene flow with it pretty well and I spend a lot of time trying to be meticulous about character voice. I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback on my descriptions, which I appreciate and wouldn’t have considered a strength, but my readers have been kind. I think I’m pretty good at including body language, too, though maybe to a fault.

16.  What are you writing weaknesses?

Much as people have been kind on the feedback, I really feel like action scenes are a weakness for me. I don’t enjoy writing them and I struggle a lot to make them feel like they’re flowing over just bulletpointing. I also feel like I struggle to make them exciting. I feel like I struggle with exposition scenes as well, and keeping them interesting over info-dumping. 

17.  What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’m generally in favor of including them, but with the caution of doing thorough research if it’s not a language I speak. I shy away from it if I can’t be completely sure it’s accurate, because I don’t want to risk putting off a native speaker reader, or saying/doing something offensive. I’d expand that to include anything about another culture, really. For example, I’ve been slowly picking away at writing a Fallout fic for my Sole Survivor Anthony and Preston, and part of what has been slow going is just making sure I’m getting Anthony’s culture right. His parents immigrated from Vietnam, and I want his experiences with them and with his culture to be as accurate and respectful as possible, not falling into any stereotypes but also being allowed to be complicated. 

18.  What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Depends on what we’re measuring. The first fandom I ever wrote fic for of any kind was Sailor Moon. The first fandom I actually put fic on the internet for was Lord of the Rings, on good old fanfiction.net. The first fandom I published on AO3 for was Dragon Age.

19.  What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

God this is such a hard question to answer, my feelings on my writing change so often. I think it’s hard for A Line in the Sand not to be my favorite for the reasons I’ve already mentioned, it’s my first successful novel-length fic, I accomplished a lot with it and learned a lot from it, and it’s a rarepair I got to kind of develop from scratch in my own way. 

But if I look back at my whole repertoire so far, just to branch out from the usual answer, I’d say I’m also really fond of To Have and to Hold, which was the first time I ever participated in a minibang, or really any kind of writing challenge. It’s a Dorian/Bull established relationship fic set during Trespasser, and it’s kind of a meditation on Dorian’s past and present and how they’ve shaped his feelings on love and commitment and marriage, all while he’s trying to decide his future. I’m proud of how it came out, and I think my Dorian voice still holds up okay. Plus I had two incredible artists working with me who put together stunning work for it, and how could I not be super grateful for that? 

It’s funny, most of the top ones up there for kudos are ones that I don’t personally think are my best, it’s a lot of my very early offerings for Dorian/Bull that I think I could improve on a lot of if I tackled them now. I’m grateful people like them but I feel like they’re more an accident of timing, being published early in the ship’s popularity. 

[chamomileteainabuttercup]

Thanks for tagging me in, @demisexuallupin

How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 24, but there are many more orphans, whether from fandoms I no longer enjoy or because I really didn't like how they were written any more. I orphaned rather than deleting them because I knew from comments there were people who'd enjoyed them, so I might as well leave them available in some form.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

782,484 (probably a lot closer to a million if we could count the orphans, I know at least two of them were over 100,000 words each)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Currently I've got fics for Star Wars, various Star Treks, The Witcher, Tintin, Jeeves and Wooster and Sailor Moon. Past fandoms included A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones and Steven Universe (see above about "fandoms I no longer enjoy") - I'm not sure how many in total.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Curse of Chamomile (Geraskier)

Fairy Tales in Deep Space (Garashir)

Locked Inside (also Garashir and have you ever noticed how "Geraskier" and "Garashir" look like the same word written in different bad handwriting also both involve a pretty-eyed slut called Julian)

Boba's Back (Bobadin)

No Peeking (Dincobb)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Oh yes! If only to say thank you and I'm happy they enjoyed it. As for why, it's a combination of "it's just polite," "it's a gentle form of self-promotion" and "the response and interaction is a huge part of why I actually publish stories online instead of just thinking about them to myself." The best comments are the ones that turn into a real back-and-forth conversation, and those often generate more ideas for the story.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I think it's To the Island, a Garashir fic which ended with the two of them concluding they couldn't be openly together because Garak has a lot of enemies and it would be too dangerous. (But I wrote a sequel where they reunite some years later when circumstances have changed.)

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I'm trying to think if I have, but I think the closest I got was crossing over characters from Star Trek: the Next Generation and Deep Space Nine, and it was an AU - not very crazy at all, I just adjusted time so that two characters who would have attended Starfleet Academy several years apart were there at the same time and fell in love. That's Cadets and it's Datashir if you're interested.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not outright hate, but a very ungracious comment of the "I don't like this ship but your writing is good" variety.

If it had been "I didn't use to like this ship but I enjoyed your story so much I'm starting to feel differently!" I would have been very pleased (and I have had some comments like that), but no. If you don't even like the ship, please don't read my story, it is not for you.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

hahahaha I write little else! A big part of why I write fanfic at all is that I want sexy material with the characters I like from media that doesn't get that (onscreen/page) sexy. I do have some G-rated fics, but they're in the minority. My smut tends to be romantic and fluffy and tender, though at the same time it can be relatively hardcore/kinky, I just think it's possible to have romantic, tender rimjobs and canings, you know? The characters are always in love or on the way there. It is virtually always queer. I've written more m/m than f/f, mostly because the SF/fantasy/adventure-type stories I like have disproportionately male casts with more screentime and interesting development given to male characters, and that is an industry problem not a me problem. (I love Sailor Moon the best and that has an overwhelmingly female cast which is great, but the characters are mostly in their early teens and I don't find them sexy at my time of life.)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, and I don't think I could. I've written fic based on discussions I've had, so I consider that co-created by my discussion partner (eg Just Business, Nothing Personal with @djarining) but actual writing feels very personal and idiosyncratic to me and I'm not sure I could mesh with someone else's writing effectively, even if we did it in a relatively discrete way like alternating chapters.

What’s your all time favourite ship?

Probably Garashir, but I don't have a strong degree of favouritism.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

oh uhhhh are we counting incomplete fics that I abandoned a long time ago? Because that's most of 'em, I'm very poor at finishing stories. I tend to want to go on until I've run out of ideas completely and have nothing left for a conclusion.

What are your writing strengths?

Lively dialogue with distinctive character voices seems to be the biggie. Also generating a vibe of comfort and healing. I think I write fairly vivid descriptions.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Not finishing things, struggling to create a plot, getting bogged down because I suddenly hit this weird mental state where I can't figure out how to describe kissing without making it sound gross or boring, and doing the writing-a-sex-scene equivalent of falling asleep right after coming - the chapter tends to end a bit abruptly after a climax because I've spent a long time writing through all this emotional and sexual intensity for the characters and I want to finally push the chapter out and get some response to it.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't care for it myself but I don't object to other people doing it! The fandom I'm currently most involved with is The Mandalorian and there's this current of people using lots of Mando'a dialogue, especially to express deep personal feelings, with characters who we've never canonically heard use the language, eg Boba Fett referring to Jango as his buir when in Attack of the Clones he called him Dad. I'm not saying it's incorrect, people are free to imagine whatever they enjoy, but it throws me off/alienates me slightly while reading - like it doesn't feel natural to me that Boba and Din would speak Mando'a to each other, especially because given Boba's life story I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't speak it well or feel comfortable with it. It's entirely a matter of personal taste rather than something I disapprove of, I want to make that quite clear.

I mildly disapprove of people scattering in words of a real-world language that they clearly don't speak (eg gratuitous "hai" instead of "yes" in an anime-based fic) and are just getting from a phrasebook or Google Translate, just because it's kind of clunky and not really the flavour enhancement I think they intend it to be.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I think The Vision of Escaflowne. A very, very long time ago.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Whichever one I'm currently enjoying writing! I feel very fond of Curse of Chamomile because it was the first Witcher thing I wrote based on having only watched the Netflix series, and I felt quite indimidated to begin with but the comments I got were welcoming and lovely and some people even said the characterisation I arrived at worked like a blend of the Netflix series and the books, which was a lucky trick given that I have never read them. That was a really encouraging and up-cheering experience. A lot of the early comments coincided with the time I was on a very enjoyable winter holiday to Taupō so when I had downtime I could refresh AO3 on my phone and there was often something new, and it all just reinforced my Good Time so I remember it fondly.

Tagging, ummm, I always feel awkward doing this because what if someone else tagged them already and I didn't notice? Anyway, we'll say @djarining and @beboots and honestly, anyone else reading this who would like to have a go, consider this your free tag.

[yourpakichic]

Episode 23 Thoughts

Pre-warning:LOOK I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS EPISODE. Based on the trailers, we’re about to get some great EdSer scenes so prepare to be annoyed CAUSE MY JOY IS OVER THE MOON. Here we go!!!!

-Did Balca really welcome Eda into Serkan’s home? Like ma’am that is her man’s place, who the fuck are you to welcome her there! I’m glad that Eda didn’t attack Serkan for this but was just trying to figure out Balca’s moves and tactics! After all, a woman can recognize another woman’s intentions! Honestly, I’m not surprised Serkan doesn’t see it that way cause let’s be honest he’s not the brightest when it comes to understanding the intentions behind a woman’s words or actions. Look at Eda giving her a death glare like Balca, you messed with the wrong girl!

-Clearly Eda doesn’t consider her and Serkan in a relationship but I think in the end, the whole Balca thing will make her claim to be in a relationship!

-Damn, Selin was slimey in a way but Balca is a straight up snake and definitely poisonous! At least with Selin, I had a bit of a empathy but not with Balca! She really thinks she can one up Eda Yildiz and the girl gang! However I like that she’s kind of direct with her words and play because with Selin it was back and forth. Here she’s pretty obvious of her intentions with her questions. She’s clearly trying to get Eda and Serkan to think and fight about their “confusing” relationship. But hey if that leads to them actually talking it out and laying it all on the table, I’m here for it!

-Not at Ferit and Jeren having a more mature and honest relationship than our main couple!

-Eda was ready to cut that bitch! Not at Eda absolutely destroying Serkan’s leg! Eda and Balca throwing daggers each other while Serkan pretends to be oblivious 😂😂😂

-I think it’s funny how the way Eda was pointing out how Balca was trying to create similarities with Serkan is also how Efe was with his brunch a couple of episodes ago where he was trying to create similarities between Eda and himself. Back then, Eda didn’t make anything of it but she’s trying to use this now as a way of trying to prove Balca’s intentions. I kind of think it’s childish how Eda wants Serkan to make it clear to Balca he’s not interested but won’t admit she’s jealous.

-I know it’s just a drama but what kind of friend does Balca have! Why is it she’s encouraging Balca to go after a clearly taken man! Like more than Balca, I’m annoyed with her friend for such advice!

-Jealous Eda is so petty and flirtatious, I love it! The way she took his coffee cup, I’m dying laughing!

-I cannot believe this Balca bitch. Anyone that knows Serkan knows that his career and his work matters so much to him. She’s trying to break the trust between Eda and Serkan but in the end she’s gonna end up causing Serkan one of the greatest losses of his career. Just because of her idea of love, she’s willing to cause a great loss and chaos in his professional life. The one thing Serkan hates is to be lied to and manipulative moves. And she’s done both. Love? How can you be in love? You met him 2 days ago. And love what? She’s doesn’t love Serkan. She loves the idea of Serkan because of what her friend said. This bitch has some nerve.

-What the heck is up with Eda? For someone who’s all about being professional with each other, her asking Serkan to not look at the report was super unprofessional. Like this had nothing to do with her personally. As someone whose the boss and responsible for this project, he had every right to look at that report. I swear she really pissing me off. She tells him to be professional and that there’s no relationship and then she goes and does this. That was a manipulative move right there. In a way, she used his guilt against him just to satisfy her need. I’m sorry but that is just not acceptable. The way everyone would be going to town on Serkan if the roles were reversed. For someone who hates to be controlled herself, Eda sure walks around trying to control Serkan.

-BABAANNE!!!! The scream I let out! We finally see her! Omg! She’s here! I can’t believe it!

-Melo said bitch leave my Dada and Eniste alone! You go girl!

-The chair pull scene was absolute 🔥🔥🔥 their chemistry is EVERYTHING. That was one of the smoothest scenes I’ve ever seen. The dialogue. Serkan’s intense stare as he reads Eda. Eda’s changing expressions in being at the close proximity. This was perfection.

-Ughhhhh, I want Eda to just cave and give in one time to Serkan. Like lutfen, throw your pride away and just go for it.

-Not at them giving into Balca’s game so quickly. I hate it here.

-Everyone skating was so cute! It reminded of Antalya, like they let everyone just go out and do whatever they want!

-That Eda/Serkan ice skating scene OWNS my heart. To see them just be happy and in love and just being in the moment with each other. I loved every part of it. I loved the fact they were just staring at each other the whole time with their loving gaze. I loved Serkan’s plans for them in Paris. I loved that they just enjoyed each other’s company for the night. It was just perfect.

-Who the fuck is Pyril’s dad? I had figured that Pyril came from a wealthy background but the mysterious and rich/wealthy aura that his arrival had at their meeting has me concerned. Pyril clearly seems to have some problems within the home considering she spoke to formally to her dad. And the way that his car was guarded. And Pyril is usually very confident but here she seems vulnerable and scared. Who exactly is her dad? What does that mean for Engin and her?

-Honestly kudos to Eda for rechecking and finding the problem!

-And there they are. All face to face. The way I had waited for this moment for so long! And now the drama begins! I wish her entry was a little bit more dramatic and surprise but I’ll take what I get. Honestly right now it’s a toss up whether I think the grandmother will be good or bad. I know for sure she’s going to create problems for Eda/Serkan and be an obstacle for them but will that be it? Will her desire for revenge from the Bolat’s be stronger than the love she has for her granddaughter? Will she help Balca breakup our couple and risk hurting and losing trust of her Eda?

Overall: I really enjoyed the Eda/Serkan scenes the most in this episode. I don’t really care for whatever is happening with Ayfer really and at this point they need to take a direction with Erdem/Fifi cause I don’t even know what’s going on there. Also all those scenes with Balca’s friend were freaking annoying and pointless to me. Like stop with all these unnecessary scenes and storylines. Stick to the main plot which is finally in full gear and take it to the end. I look forward to the next couple of episodes and hope that there is some real progress now that Babanne has entered.

Fragman: Babaanne is clearly on a mission to separate Eda and Serkan and has some tricks up her sleeve and will clearly align with Balca to do so. However I have genuine hope that this strengthens Eda and Serkan and they stand as a united force. I’m looking forward to all the EdSer scenes because they look 🔥🔥🔥

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Colton/Kauri Fanfic Drabble 2: Love Confession

I promised to reward anyone who drew a specific, amazing fanart idea I was sent in an ask with a fake fanfiction drabble that featured the Colton (belongs to @shameless-whumper)/Kauri pairing.

This is my second “Cori” fanfic, this one is for @my-whumpy-little-heart‘s prompt Love Confession. These are written as though they are excerpts of AO3 fanfics people wrote after seeing Kauri on The Host’s YouTube Video in Who’s the Better Box Boy.  

And they are so. much. fun. to. write.

P.S. @shameless-whumper wrote this fucking excellent piece over on AO3 of Cori fanfic that broke my heart and I want it to break yours. Required reading, 100% required. You will be answering questions about this fic on your final exam.

Tagging: @maybeawhumpblog, @pepperonyscience, @haro-whumps, @18-toe-beans, @burtlederp, @finder-of-rings, @giggly-evil-puppy, @whimpers-and-whumpers, @whump-it, @lumpofwhump, @pumpkinthefangirl

CW: Aftermath of seriously dubious dubcon, references to dubcon/noncon, aftermath of biting, aftercare in general, reference to violence/restraints

When the Camera’s Off by PetRescuer445 Youtubers: The Host

Author Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings, Colton/Kauri, Kauri/Colton, Colton, Kauri, The Host, Angst, Dubious Consent, Extremely Dubious Consent, Cannot Emphasize Enough How Dubious the Consent Is, Not Safe Not Sane But Kind of Consensual?, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Kind Of Consensual Bondage, Started Out Angsty Smut Turned Into a Love Story, Kauri is a sweetheart, Colton is a treasure, the Host would probably love this, story changed a lot from original plan, honestly this was just an excuse to write crazy smut for my favorite Youtuber, then it turned into a love story between two pets, alternate universe, human pets, this fire took twenty chapters to catch but damn it still burns,

Summary: Alternate Universe: What if Colton and Kauri both got sent to the Host as a gift from Whumpees-R-Us? A peek into the life of Colton, the Host’s Domestic pet, and Kauri as their Romantic pet! 

Because let’s face, nobody with those big blue eyes would ever be made anything but a Romantic pet, am I right?!

Two pets bond in unexpected ways when one of them takes care of the Host’s household while the other ~takes care of the Host~. Super slow burn, but trust me, we’re going smutty places! I promise and have I ever let you down? :) Remember comments and kudos are always appreciated! 

Chapter 33/40

The Bath

“Why me?” Colton pitches his voice low, so the sound of the water rushing from the faucet into the bathtub will ensure that Kauri can’t hear him from where he sits on the bathmat next to the tub, shivering and hunched over, staring down at the ground with a horribly familiar, empty expression.

“Why not you?” The Host answers, flashing their brilliant too-wide smile. “I’ve got shit to do, babe. Have to edit the new video and then I’m meeting with some people about product placement.”

“It’s not my purpose to, to clean up Romantics,” Colton argues, but there’s no real fight in his voice. For one, it won’t work - the Host doesn’t care whether or not Colton wants to be responsible for this. For two, the Host only ever enjoys Colton fighting so they can push and push and push until he stops. “You, you d-did this-”

“Colton. Babe.” The Host reaches up to pat the side of his face with their palm, and Colton flinches away when they scratch behind his ear like he’s a dog. “Listen. You’re the Domestic, right?”

There’s a pause, when Colton realizes he’s expected to answer. “Y-Yes, I am.”

The hand moves around behind his hair, and the Host’s smile changes a little as they grip hard and yank his head back until Colton’s knees have to bend to stay standing, hissing through his teeth. “Domestics take care of the house, right? Right, Babe?” 

“Yes,” Colton manages, voice thin and strained. “We do.”

“Good. You cook, you clean, you come on camera for my viewers and give ‘em something as pretty as me to look at… and you take care of the household. And Kauri’s part of my household. Besides.” The Host abruptly lets go and shoots Colton a cheeky, wicked little smile. “You like seeing him naked exactly as much as I do. Don’t think I haven’t caught you watching me edit the private videos.”

Colton’s face burns. “I don’t think I’ve ever done that,” He says, trying for evasive, but the Host only laughs loud enough to make even Kauri flinch a little where he sits. 

“Sure you haven’t. It’ll be our little secret.” The Host gives him a pinch to his cheek, tweaking the skin until it hurts, and then they walk away and leave Colton standing there, staring after them with murder in his eyes and his heart that never, ever reaches his hands.

Then he takes a deep breath, sighs, and turns to look into the bathroom at Kauri.

The Host’s Romantic pet is still sitting where he’d been left, on the bathmat next to the rapidly-filling giant bathtub. The Host was always bragging about how much it cost to get a bathtub this size (“big enough for five, I tried it out one weekend with friends and we really topped out at five”), and Kauri seems dwarfed next to it. Smaller, and lost inside his head, the way he gets sometimes after the Host was in a really good mood.

His stomach twisting, Colton moves towards him, crouching down in front of the other pet, tilting his head. “Kauri,” He says, softly. “The bathtub’s almost ready.”

Kauri blinks, and after a second the deep blue eyes focus on his dark brown. Then he smiles, and some of the emptiness falls off his face, shifting away like it’d never been there. “Oh, Colton,” He says, and his voice is low, a little deeper than you’d think for how delicate he looks. “Hey. I didn’t know you were there.”

“Hey. The Host asked me to sit with you, while you get cleaned up. Do you want that?” 

He leaves the offer open, he always does - the Host is constantly having him sit with Kauri after stuff like this, because they never want to stick around to take care of him after they leave him like this. But he always leaves Kauri the option to say no.

“Yes, please,” Kauri whispers in the soft sweet voice that Colton is always trying to hear in any context but this. He holds up his hands, and Colton carefully avoids the bruises around his wrists as he grabs him by his upper forearms, close to his elbows, to pull him to his feet. 

Kauri’s hair is a wild, riotous mess, but Colton doesn’t mind the way it brushes his face when Kauri stands up too fast and stumbles forward against him. The red stripes on his back are just welts, really - the Host’s heart hadn’t been in it this time. There are other things he doesn’t want to think about - the choke-chain around Kauri’s neck replacing his usual collar, the red underneath that promises to bruise in the morning, a bite mark so deep on one shoulder that you could probably identify the Host through the dental records.

“I’m going to help you step into the tub,” Colton says softly, and Kauri’s hands grip tightly onto his arms, looking up at him, swallowing hard. 

“Can… can you get in, in with me?” Kauri asks, and his voice trembles just a little. “I just need… I could use someone with me. For a little bit, I’m just still kind of… coming down.”

The absolute last thing in the world Colton wants to hear about is how the Host is so good that Kauri has to recover from time with them - but sometimes ‘coming down’ doesn’t mean in a good way, and it looks like today is one of the shaky ones.

“Uh… sure. Yeah.” Colton looks away to hide the flush, moving Kauri gently over to the edge of the tub, trying to keep his eyes on anything but the marks left on the pale skin. They’re too red - or too purple already, some of them - and he can’t stop the surge of anger, the sense of wanting to fix this and make sure it never happens again.

It doesn’t work that way.

It never does, for the Box Boys.

So instead, he lets Kauri hold him for balance as he lifts one leg and then the other to step into the hot water, nearly scalding just the way Kauri likes it after times like this. Kauri doesn’t let go, fingers gripped so tightly they press into Colton’s skin, until he’s sitting down in the tub, in the middle of the giant space that seems to make him seem so small. 

“Now… now you,” Kauri says, and tilts his head as he looks sideways up at Colton, and the Host makes fun of him for the way he looks at Colton like that, but Colton… secretly, and he’d never admit it… he loves it.

His hands go to pull the yellow branded sweatshirt off, just brushing at the hem when Kauri flinches back, looking down at the water. Colton drops his hands immediately. “Hey… I don’t have to, Kauri. You know that. I’ll just sit next to the tub-”

“No, I… I want you in the tub. But just… can you keep your clothes, um, on? I know… I know it’s ridiculous…”

Colton blinks, and then he slowly nods. He gets into the tub, feeling the water soak immediately into his gray sweatpants, and slowly lowers himself behind Kauri, until he’s soaked totally through, the nearly-burning water making his clothing half-float around him in the water. 

Kauri doesn’t hesitate - as soon as Colton has settled he leans back against him, and Colton slides arms around his waist, clasping hands together under the water, just above Kauri’s navel. It’s quiet, now - they can’t hear the Host and honestly they might have left.

He hopes they left.

Kauri’s hair tickles at his nose and his neck as he leans his head back against Colton’s shoulder, humming to himself, some song that both of them almost remember but neither really does. He’s warm, and his skin feels soft even where it’s been bitten. 

Colton slowly cranes his neck, leans down, and kisses at the ring of teeth around Kauri’s shoulder. When Kauri doesn’t pull away, he does it again, and again, and again, once for every single toothmark he can count. 

Eventually, Kauri starts to cry.

Neither of them speak, while he does, or acknowledge it - Kauri cries a lot, after, and all Colton can do is be there to hold him through it. The low, half-buried sobs eventually get louder, and Colton’s arms get tighter. He never lets go. He never pulls away from Kauri, he never gives him anything but the comfort he really needs, comfort the Host is totally unable to give.

When the louder sobs have worn themselves out and Kauri’s shoulders stop shaking, when he goes boneless and relaxed again in the water, Colton leans forward. There are tear tracks glimmering on Kauri’s cheeks, but his eyes are open, and warm, and they’re not empty.

“Better?” Colton whispers.

“Better,” Kauri replies, and snuggles back against him. They sit in silence for a long time, and Colton’s heart beats hard in his chest. 

“Hey, Kauri, um, how long since we came here?”

There’s a pause, a moment for thought. “Year or so.”

“A year.” They were given together, but they weren’t a bonded pair. They’d never even seen each other before their boxes were opened by the Host, live on camera. Colton was opened first, and all he could think as he watched the Host take Kauri’s blindfold off was Oh, I really like his eyes. “That’s funny, it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long, does it?”

“Not really.” Kauri turns his head, twisting around a little so he could look into Colton’s eyes again. His own are red-rimmed from crying but a clear and perfect blue. The water around them is still hot enough to stay comfortable, although where it had soaked in all the way up to Colton’s shoulders felt chilly in the cool air-conditioned room. “But… I like that you’re here with me, Colton.”

“Yeah?”

Kauri smiles at him, and the empty look from before is gone. Kauri bounces back fast from the Host’s attentions - he’s trained to but also there’s something innate in him that just seems to get over it, move past it, move on. Colton’s the one left simmering in resentment, while Kauri smiles when the Host comes back from wherever they go some days, as if nothing ever happened, gives a bright, surprised laugh when the Host shoves him up on the kitchen counter while Colton tries desperately to cook dinner, lets out an excited gasp when the Host pushes him into walls.

Once, the Host pushed him over the couch on his stomach and his head was right next to Colton’s where he sat working on some sound editing. The Host told him to stay sitting right where he was.

That had been the longest fucking twenty minutes of Colton’s life.

Not that he could remember his life.

The sounds Kauri makes are always so practiced, so robotic. Colton can never keep the flicker of disgust from his face. Kauri’s just a better liar.

But there’s one thing Colton is pretty sure Kauri isn’t lying about. 

“Hey, can… can I ask you something?” Colton’s voice is still low, just in case. In the Host’s house you could never be sure where a camera might be, or a hidden microphone. They were always careful - had developed something like a code, a long time ago, without either one needing to elaborate on it or explain it. 

But he was reasonably sure that there weren’t any microphones in the bathroom.

Yet.

Although there probably would be at least a camera if the Host ever figured out that they sat together like this.

“Ask away,” Kauri says, closing his eyes and resting his head back against Colton’s shoulder, turning so his forehead is resting against Colton’s neck. 

“What would you say…” Colton trains his eyes on the big window on the other side of the bathroom, the wispy white curtains, the frosted glass. “What would you say if I told you that I, um-”

Kauri grins - Colton can’t quite see it, but it’s like he can feel it, the smile as much under his skin as on Kauri’s face. “I think I know what you’re asking.”

“… what would you say, then?”

“I’d say I love you, too.”

[nny11writes]

For the fic writer ask game: What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write? (Feel free to rant :) )

Hahahaha, sorry were you looking for one trope? 

I’m usually so positive so now you’ve done it. You’ve unlocked me complaining about random shit that doesn’t usually matter. Because the damn busted wide the fuck open! Okay, so I’m going to approach this as outside of smut fics with intense kinks I can’t stand (vore, foot fetish, scat play, etc), because that’s me getting squicked and/or triggered and not just tropes that I wish would die in a fire.

My only disclaimer up front is that if you love most of these (hopefully it’ll be obvious which ones I will not forgive/excuse you from), that’s awesome! Go for it! Read it, write it, print it out to loving re-read and paste on the walls! Fandom is, in large part, about finding your niche and enjoying what you enjoy pretty much shamelessly. So I’m not passing judgement on anyone who enjoys reading or writing (most of) these.

CW: rape, sexual assault Also I’ve had a shit few days, so if you don’t want to read someone just being negative and bitching this is probably not the post for you friend. But it all below a cut so people can avoid!

Crossover Fics/Rule 50

My main gripe with this is that without fail a series I love get crossed over with a fandom I either don’t care about or hate. Every time I’ve tried to force myself to read one it’s never worked out for me. Sometimes fics aren’t properly tagged and I’m getting into the setting only for other characters from another fandom to suddenly show up and literally I instantly loose interest. The closest I got to writing a crossover fic, was on FF.net where I had all the characters I wrote for “talking to me” when I hit a big wall of writer’s block in the hopes that writing something so different and strange for me would help. It didn’t. It was interesting for 0.2 seconds to wonder how characters would interact, but then I instantly lost interest because I end up leaning so heavily of character tropes to make it work which, for me, isn’t fun to read or write.

Like, just write fusion! I like fusion! I’m currently writing a SPOP-SW fusion! It allows me to play with characters in a fun world that I already understand, but without the frustration of characters becoming more 2D or very OOC (or both) to force them to interact with one another. Rage Fics

Honestly? If you write and post rage fics, fuck you. Full stop. Fuck you. 

I’m about to tangent, but I swear it’s related. This is the equivalent of someone tagging a character or ship or fandom they hate in a post bashing them or blasting them to hell and back. Fucking beyond rude and obnoxious. That’s what rage fics are cranked up to 11. You are 100% allowed to hate on fandom/character/ship/trope/whatever the fuck, but when you do that shit you are forcing people who enjoy the media to see/interact with your BS because you fucking tagged it to show up where we are. A great example here in SPOP is Catra. I love her! I understand why some people don’t, and they’re 100% allowed to hate her and resent that so many people like her. Recently I went to the Catra tag to find art and fic, maybe some of the top notch meta this fandom puts out if I was lucky, and got stuck seeing post after post after meta post comparing her to another character in the show to explain why she’s an awful person, badly written character, and anyone who likes her (but didn’t like the poster’s fave) was an idiot/asshole/troll/bitch/dumbass and you know what? I went from having a decent time decompressing after a shitty day at work to getting fucking sent around the sun with stress. Like, bro, I’m here to ENJOY myself thanks, and when you tag things I go to for fun and fluff when I’m out of spoons and ready to snap to ranting about hating it, you make me want to scream.

Y’all don’t know how many people are lucky that I write up responses in word so I can get it out of my system and then just DELETE the whole fucking thing. Rage fic is that same fucking set up, but instead of being a relatively quick post (where I can block the poster here on tumblr), it’s a fanfic that people are going to continue to click into over and over and over again for fun only to get body slammed. There’s no way to warn people on AO3 if something is a rage fic beyond not leaving a kudos and dropping a comment. I don’t know a lot of people who read comments first so it doesn’t always work. 

If you post rage fics, grow up. Stop that shit. Fuck you. Instead, try not purposefully interacting with fandom that makes you so mad that you think doing this is an appropriate reaction. Block tags, block users, regulate comments, go whole fucking hog. You should be able to enjoy fandom too! But if you can’t do that without tearing down other people in fandom then you make me want to beat you over the head until you self-isolate to play by yourself in a different sandbox. Seriously. Fuck you if you do this.

Troll Fics

Did you think I came on strong for rage fics? This is worse. 

If you do this? Fuck you. You get NOTHING but my pure rage and if I find this shit I will report you however I can and then shout from the rooftops about it. And I’m sure if you do write troll fics because you enjoy being purposefully offensive and triggering then you’re probably delighted that my reaction to just thinking about this is wishing I had the power to fuck up your life. 

Like, the ONLY thing I can say for rage fic is that at least typically the person writing it actually enjoys some aspect of the fandom or fandom in general. 

Troll fics are just meant to be offensive on purpose and if you write and post that you’re a bad person. No exceptions. You can make different choices and work to become a better person or a good person, but right now, right this second as you do it? You’re a bad person. You should probably figure out why you get so much joy out of posting things with the sole purpose of hurting/triggering/being cruel to others. And you might need help to do that. I legit think you should reach out to people with different opinions from your own to try and break out of it. Get a therapist. Do fucking something worthwhile, because posting troll fics is not worth anyone’s while. Fuck you. Rape as a Backstory

I hope I don’t have to fucking explain why this makes me want to literally explode. I’m purposefully not writing that as R*pe so that people with rape tagged don’t see this.

If you think that rape is the only way to push your story forward or is a great way to give a character “free and easy trauma”, literally stop. Just. Fucking. Stop. There are other ways. Really look at your work, really think about /why/ it’s so important to you that the character /has/ to be raped. Most of the time the real answer is you don’t have a reason you just chose it because you either don’t care, think it’s not a big deal, or never considered other possibilities. There are stories where rape does need to be included, stories that address the topic kindly and/or tag appropriately for it. I’ve read some of these that were really amazing, both short (<1k) and long (>100k) because the author actually took a hot second to address the topic in an intelligent way. Whether that was to dive into how it’s harmful, address their own trauma, or (honestly) even for the smut porn of it but with all the proper tags on it. If you have it to be purely enjoyed by yourself and/or others with dubcon or noncon kinks, cool, good for you, TAG IT APPROPRIATELY. Fucking bless writers who still use “Dead Dove/Do Not Eat” tags y’all are doing great work. But the vast majority using this trope? 

They aren’t that, they aren’t anything like that at all, they aren’t always tagged correctly or at all and that’s by design, it’s often for shock value or a quick ‘well that’s why they’re anti-social’, it’s sometimes used as an excuse for one character to swear off sex until the “right person” comes along to “cure them”, and they shouldn’t have ever been posted.

Redemption Equals Sex/Sexual Karma

I know this is spring boarding a bit, but please stop writing these two tropes. 

I’m exhausted  y’all. And not just because I’m asexual. This trope is disgusting and usually comes with heaps of sexism, racism, and homophobia. If you want to write smut please just write the fucking smut. I’m literally posting smut fic and am planning to work on another one tonight! JUST WRITE SMUT WITHOUT MAKING IT DISGUSTINGLY ANTI-MINORITY GROUPS AND PLAYING INTO HARMFUL STEREOTYPES.  If bad guys become good(ish) guys because a woman saw past their barriers, took care of them, are a surrogate mother, and then had wild and kinky sex with them then it’s a bad fic. Likewise, if a character is punished for having sex, or is sexually assaulted to show that they’re now bad then it’s a bad fic.

If a character’s suffering is rewarded with sex to “cure” them and “make them better” then it’s a bad fic.

There are so many ways that this shit becomes a seriously harmful fic.

Please. Please, stop doing this. I am on my knees. Stop!

I am sick of ‘Draco’s in Leather Pants’ (can’t fucking believe I’m whipping that term out again holy shit what year is it) getting redeemed because they slept with someone and now found a reason to care. Sex leading someone on the path towards redemption is so EXTREMELY rarely handled in a way that’s well done. Just. Don’t. Be an unapologetic villain lover, slap them in an AU where they aren’t a pure villain, but don’t do this. Like I wrote above, I’m also just sick of (usually, but not always) dudes who put rape in to punish (usually, but not always) female characters or to punish weak/pushover characters (usually, but not always males). And equally tired of traumatized characters “casting off their shackles” to enjoy wild and kinky sex because someone with a magic dick/strap/fingers/tongue “showed them it’s okay” and “made it all better”.

Just, don’t. Be a fucking decent human being and don’t.

Character/Reader Fics

I...I really just don’t get this? It’s very uncomfortable to me and I’m assuming that’s due to me being aroace, I can’t read them and if I try to I either become so uncomfortable I stop or so rage filled I stop. 

I don’t mind 2nd person stories, but most of the ones I see are character/reader fics and it’s...like, it’s just bad. Not “cringe” just enjoyable for me. I can’t explain why I hate this so much considering I do enjoy some 2nd person fics. Idk, I really don’t have the words to explain why these bother me so much. :\

I ain’t got an alternative, if you like these you like them, and if you don’t you just don’t. Thank you for tagging so I can avoid. Have fun on your own! Song Fics and/or Audio/Sound Cue Fics

Sorry guys, I just hate it. I can’t really read a fic and listen to music at the same time, it becomes background noise 100% and detracts from both for audio cue fics.

Fuck, just realized I don’t know if people know what those are. Audio/Sound cue fics are fics where you’re reading along and all the sudden there’s a link or URL that you’re supposed to follow to help set up the next scene/enhance it. Hate it. Hate, hate, hate. It detracts from your story and makes it weaker while being annoying and breaking me the reader out of my enjoyment of your story. Hate! Telling me in the A/N that this (or these) are the song(s) you listened to while writing, song(s) you based the story on, or even that you think they’re good songs to get you in the mood for the story is totally okay! I’ll probably ignore it unless I went head over heels for it, in which case I WILL go back and listen to all of them. (Why hello Rhythm and Blues, you punched me in the face and I now listen to every song even vaguely mentioned in the story or A/N, you’re that good, it’s so fucking good guys, I can’t stop talking about this fucking series it’s just so good?????????) Song fics are also typically in this boat for me. And I want to be really clear, not fics where a character is singing in the fic with lyrics written out. That doesn’t bother me, that song is now effectively part of the story and draws me in. But if it’s paragraphs of description before suddenly cutting it’s annoying. Why, oh why, do I put up with this misery? Still looking for a reason For now it is a mystery to me Why, oh why, do I put up with this misery? Still looking for a reason But for now it's ancient history to me

So yeah I’m making an example to complain about the example. 

But question. 

Was that needed? 

All I did was make overly explicit my feelings in this text that was already there in what I’d written. Song fics feel to me like writers who aren’t confident that their writing is good/understandable/relatable and so they are desperately throwing someone else’s creation into their own in the hopes the reader will get it. Friend, I promise you, we’ll get it without the song! The song lyrics detract when they’re just floating out there, and have taken goods fics and made them frustrating. Either that or you think you’re so amazing that your shit don’t stink and the rest of us idiots can choke because of your brilliance. I’ve found several song fics that if I copy and paste them into a word document and delete the song out, I really enjoyed the fic itself on it’s own merits in a way I literally couldn’t with the lyrics in there. Again, if you are weaving music into your fic, weave it in. Have characters sing, write the lyrics out as a character is listening to the music, quote the song in your fic (preferably without it being super obvious. I’m not saying my take on that was the best, but I did write a Catradora fic on giftly request based on a song and I 100% used lyrics from it in my prose and built my whole plot around it without breaking out to quote the song explicitly), just do something that’s not, like, punching me in the face because “clearly I couldn’t get it” or from a fear that “they won’t understand”. At best you seem insecure and unsure about your story, which is fantastic without the song. At worst it seems like you’re saying your fic is so beyond the average reader that we would never understand your vision without someone else’s original content in it.

[modern-oedipus]

The last part of a comment I received on Conflict today is just...

Thank you.

I actually feel quite reluctant to get back to Conflict because I was so disappointed in last two-three chapters, when I just put my best into shaping and excitedly waited for feedback but didn’t get as much of hype as I hoped. It lead me to think, “Why am I even bothering? People don’t even comment, it’s kinda worse when I always state how much I appreciate feedback yet they still ONLY passively absorb the content I work hard for.”

This comment made me really happy, and it made me smile, and I’m going to write an individual reply back when I can. That’s it, guys, that’s all you are supposed to do when you like a fic— let the author know you appreciate them, which parts of the fic you liked, what exactly makes you enjoy reading it etc.

But there only a few people who actually do that— and they are the only reason I keep updating, honestly. I love them to death.

To be honest, putting my absolute best hard work in something I created and feeling as if my energy & effort goes to waste is a major personal trigger for me that, in past, lead to severe depression and suicidal behavior to me. It is a MAJOR TRIGGER, in fanfiction and everything else. I am no longer depressed, and I know that not every effort I put in will be 100% given back, but... publishing and being greeted with silence has been becoming a lot, a lot, A LOT of burden on my mental health, along with everything else combined. So I may actually not update it, because it will take me days... hours... of enjoying, hoping, squealing, being happy over my content only to be disappointed and greeted in silence when I post it. Then it will lead me to think, dangerously and wrongly, that I am not really worth it at all.

Me feeling this way is not anyone’s responsibility but mine. I can’t force anyone to like my fanfictions and I can’t force anyone to comment. But as I have said multiple times, kudos/hits are appreciated but they never make me feel even 1% what a simple comment does; because I don’t know how YOU felt as a reader and it is like driving to hit a wall; instead of having a conversation. I understand it is not everyone’s cup of tea to comment like that, but likewise, it is not everyone’s cup of tea to simply write and not be upset by the silence. I think, as someone who puts a lot of love and effort in her fics, I have this much rights— to want validation, hear critism, and want to talk about her stories. I deserve this much.

So when I don’t get it, and when it is just upsetting and burdening to me EVEN WHEN I REALLY WANT TO WRITE MY STORY; because I KNOW that I will just excitedly check my AO3 account for— not so much attention, then question whether I’m doing it right, whether it was worth writing, whether I am a fool for spending her breaks on fictional characters (even though it gives me relief and keeps me creative), etc. The end result gets bad.

Though I really loved this comment, and it somehow changed my mind about NOT UPDATING Conflict on my break. I am not sure if I will gather the strength to write it, but I know for a fact that I WANT TO continue my story, the plot is planned, everything is just waiting to be written.

The only thing I worry is the possible mental-health problems after posting just to feel like my efforts are wasted again, cause... it’s not about fanfiction at this point. It is a major trigger.

I have to deal with this trigger somehow, but honestly? If there’s no actual feedback then yes that’s a waste, no matter how much I sugarcoat it. Which means I should stop. If only those who actually loved it would comment on the fics they liked, maybe authors like me wouldn’t get so insecure and upset and even consider to stop writing something they really love. But again, I have no rights to blame the passive readers, cause they owe me nothing. But reverse is so too. I owe them nothing. I don’t owe them new updates. This is a voluntary thing and if you are not voluntereed to make the authors happy by a simple comment, then you also have no rights to EXPECT them to update.

P.S. I love this comment quite a lot, this rant isn’t about the comment, it’s just the comment that made me think about Conflict again. I wonder how many people, in the few months I haven’t updated, read the Conflict and felt likewise happinsss, but never bothered to leave a comment. I’d never get back to Conflict this week (my last week) if it wasn’t for this kind reader who let me know. (I got a few other comments like this... recently on Rented as well. I really treasure them.) If it wasn’t for Amy randomly commenting “is the guy on Norman’s dream Peter Ratri”, I wouldn’t add Peter Ratri in the fic. If another commenter didn’t write on Can You See “I bet Ray was bullied, and he didn’t fall”, I’d really write Ray fallen, but his idea changed the plot and now Norman is investigating it, etc.

I like it interactive, and I like hearing other’s thoughts, and I only want to write when I hear them. You may not appreciate my writing ethics, and expect me to write in no return, but sorry, this is who I am and this how I am moviated. Period.

[five-wow]

Hi, I'm a fellow writer in the fandom and I admire your work. I wanted to ask, as a popular writer, do you get fixated sometimes on the number of kudos/comments/hits etc that your new work gets, and does this impact your motivation/inspiration? I think comparison is the thief of joy, and I really want to get over this feeling when I post my own work, so was wondering if even popular and regular writers such as yourself feel like this to, and if , what's your secret? Thanks!

Hi! 1) You are so sweet, ahh, and 2) YES, I DO. Gosh, yes, I absolutely do get insecure about those kinds of things, and I think that anyone who says they don't ever feel that way is either lying (to themselves, possibly) or maybe just pure magic, like some cross between a writer and a unicorn.

I love ao3 and I love all of its metrics and I love numbers and statistics, but there’s definitely that shadow side where having all of that easily available makes it deceptively easy to compare your own work to other people’s. I do it all the time! It honestly makes it a little hard for me at times to read h50 fic and fully enjoy it, because I keep... looking at it and wondering how my own stacks up against it, unwillingly. That's not a relaxing experience, and sometimes not even a very fun one. (Another part of it is that I just write SO MUCH for h50 and there is SO MUCH I still want to write, and I don’t want to risk reading something that’s very close to an idea I had and then never being quite sure if what I write after that was influenced by the other person’s work or if it’s really still my idea, because I have this (pretty irrational) fear of accidentally stealing someone else’s work even though one of the really great things about fandom is that it’s a very collaborative process as a whole and being inspired by other people’s stuff is usually totally okay, buuuut that’s a different rambly story.)

And I definitely do also get... some cringey feelings, hardcore, around fics I posted that don't do very well numbers-wise. Sometimes it's expected - fic that doesn't follow traditional formats or doesn't feature Steve/Danny, for example, is always something where I KNOW it won't get as much attention because I know how fandom works and that lessens the sting because it doesn't HAVE to hold up to those other fics that perform way better, because I already know it's not really comparable. The truth is, of course, that most fic is not really comparable to other fic, but it’s easy to fall into that trap anyway. If I post something that seems like my average kind of work and it gets less kudos or comments than usual, I do start to doubt the fic and second-guess myself - is something about this weird? Is it too [insert quality x]? Is it bad? Did I unknowingly do something terrible and people are now avoiding me? The answer to all of those is probably no, and going through it a bunch of times has definitely helped, because what usually happens is that I end up somewhat avoiding the fic in question because it makes me a little ashamed and awkward to think about it (a relative failure! oh no! I'm human!) and then, eventually, I return and reread the fic. By that point I have enough distance from it in time that I can look at it a lot more objectively, and it's way easier to see what works and what does not than when I posted it and I had just read it a dozen times in twenty-four hours and the words were burned into my brain. And upon that reread, inevitably, I realize that, holy shit, it was NOT AS BAD as I had made it out to be in my mind! It’s actually kind of fun! Imagine the ego boost of realizing your most cringy recent work is actually pretty okay, haha, and it's silly, but it's a revelation every time. The quality of a fic is not dictated by how many people read it or comment on it or like it, and intellectually I absolutely know that, but it’s hard to remember when it’s about yourself and you’re still in that emotionally vulnerable place of having just shared your work with the world and it feels like the world is not as into it as you thought (or hoped) it’d be. It’s honestly very, very reassuring to have those experiences to fall back on, but sadly the only way I know to get there is to just tough it out and feel super awkward for a while.

When I’m writing, on the other hand, I usually don’t really think about what other people might think of it. I have the advantage that (pretty much) all of my work consists of fairly short stand alone stories, which means I don’t have to struggle with keeping my motivation up for a second chapter of something but I get to start fresh every time, and that’s nice, because I can just lose myself in the joy of throwing words around and making characters do things that make me giggle. That’s not to say I never think of the outside world while writing - I realized, pretty recently, that I occasionally end up constructing paragraphs or pieces of dialogue a certain way mostly so it will make for a good excerpt to put in the eventual fic description, which might give me a sense of accomplishment because it’s nice when things work out and look good, but in all fairness it’s probably far more motivated by attempts to package the finished work attractively so other people will want to click on it than by anything else. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. I don’t think so - I don’t feel like it lessens my work and it doesn’t interrupt my enjoyment of it in the moment, which are the key elements for me - but other people might disagree.

But the heart of thing is, just, there are SO MANY factors that influence a fic’s numbers, and not all of them are visible (I’d argue most of them aren’t, in fact), and it always helps me to keep that in mind. It puts things in perspective somewhat and softens the harshness of a black and white kudo count judgment. Numbers can depend on when you post a fic (what day of the week, time of the year, time relative to big fandom moments, whether you’re in the middle of a global pandemic or not), how you pick your title, what you put in the description, how you use the tags, what genres or tropes are popular in your specific fandom, the genre of your fic in general (pwp as a rule tends to get lots of hits and few kudos or comments, for example, making it totally unfair to compare it to G-reated fluff fic with super different ratios), how much you’ve posted before (because if someone likes one of your works, they’re often likely to check if you have more in the same fandom), how many fics other people post around the same time (because yours might be gone from the first page of most recently updated works in a fandom or ship tag very quickly if others push it out), how big your fandom is(!!!) (over two thirds of my works on ao3 are for h50, but h50 only makes it into the top 10 of my most kudo’d works by the skin of its teeth) and definitely also what your fandom’s culture is like (compared to a lot of other fandoms, h50 fans are a-ma-zing when it comes to leaving comments, my gosh, and as a writer I adore all of you), how old your ao3 account is (the longer you’ve been around, the more likely a higher number of people is subscribed to you as an author or has read your previous work or has encountered your name, etc), how long your fic is (under a thousand words in my experience generally does less well than 1-5k, but longer fics might end up with lots of chapters which switches things up because people come back to it when there’s an update, and even if a long work is all in one chapter it will probably stand out for the wordcount and might attract attention that way, etc), whether or not your fic is part of a series (in my experience it will probably get more hits because it’s a chain of fics that leads you to the next one, but the kudos might not go up at the same rate because people might forget a kudo or reread previous works when a new one is added), whether you make a habit of commenting on other people’s fic (I’ve had comments saying MY comment on their work led them to my fic!), if you have social media like Tumblr or Twitter where you can promote your work (it’s advertising, basically), and any of a bunch of random little other factors. Sometimes, I see a sudden little cluster of kudos on an old fic in the daily ao3 kudos email, and I assume someone somewhere maybe recced that fic, but it usually remains a total mystery who or where or even if it happened at all and wasn’t just a weird coincidence to begin with. Sometimes the thing a fic’s popularity depends on is really just whether it clicks with people at that point in time, whatever that means, which is an even more impossible thing to grasp or predict than anything else.

Or you can look at things from a totally different angle and not try to make yourself care less about numbers, but just accept that you do because you’re human and we all crave validation, and instead try to roll with that. A brain hack: when I do start getting down about numbers, it also helps me to focus on one work and just... try to visualise what those kudo (or hit or bookmark or comment) counts mean, if you were to translate them to the real world. While it can be super helpful to remember that there’s a LOT going on that you can’t see and that’s virtually impossible to really explain, it’s also nice to somewhat do the opposite and try to make things as concrete as possible instead. I like measuring in school classes (~25-30 heads, I’d say) and “my fic only has fifty kudos but this other person’s has ten times as many” could easily make anyone sad and demotivated, but “my fic has fifty kudos and that’s TWO WHOLE CLASSROOMS packed full of people that all read my work and liked it so much they wanted to give me a little thumbs up for it” is actually pretty cool and encouraging, I think. Or you could measure in sports teams (I don’t know sports, but soccer has 11 players on the field per team, so as soon as your fic has 33 kudos that’s three teams which means you’ve got yourself a little beginning league! how exciting!) or in DnD campaigns (variable of course, but most of mine have had around four players plus a DM, so if you have twenty kudos? that’s FOUR WHOLE DnD campaigns that enjoyed reading your fic, and it’s fully up to you how many half-orcs that includes). You could apply this method using literally any other measurement that works for you, too. If you have a hard time painting a mental image of numbers, you could even open up a Paint doc or get a piece of paper and start counting out little dots or copy-pasted images of a person, or get a big bag of physically present M&Ms and count them out, or take a good look at your dog and then go around the neighborhood and collect forty-nine more dogs and pile them all into your home and be slightly frightened by the utter delighted fluffy chaos that ensues in your living room. That’s how many people liked your fic! That’s a heck of a lot of wagging tails! Who knew a kudo could bark this loudly!

Disclaimer: maybe keep the dog thing as your very last resort, because your neighbors might not be super into their pet getting dognapped for the purpose of visualizing fanfiction stats. The point is really just to remember that there’s an actual person behind every kudo you get, no matter what the cumulative number is, and even if you have seven or five or three kudos, that’s seven or five or three very real people that hit that button. That’s pretty damn awesome. Also keep in mind how you feel if you read a fic, and take some time to realize that every single person that left you a kudo went through that same process of spending time reading words (the words you wrote!) and experiencing that story and THAT���S why they left that kudo. It’s a real person’s real investment.

This ended up very long and rambly, so tl;dr: You are in no way alone in feeling that way, it's okay and normal and so very very human to feel like that, but you still shouldn't let it get you down, because numbers fake being meaningful very well but are deep down just little squiggles on your screen and they’re more scared of you than you are of them, while at the same time there are real individuals that enjoy your work even if you usually never see them. Your fic is worth posting. That’s the one factor in all of this that’s a constant, not a variable.

(And as a very important sidenote, just be kind to yourself, always. Does it truly stress you out? Are you feeling really bad about it today? Does it make your anxiety spike? Then give yourself room to take a little step back and allow yourself some time away from it. Go watch something you enjoy, or read something nice, or do something else that makes you feel good. Fic is something that should add to your life, not subtract from it. You don’t owe anyone anything, not even yourself in this context, and I used to push myself occasionally to get something finished TODAY, and eventually I started realizing, well, why? Why not instead of reading it over again just get some sleep or watch an episode of something I want to watch, especially if I literally just finished the fic and I feel a little unsure about it and it might actually be beneficial to me and my own feelings about it if I just give it a day or even a week and let it rest and then look at it again and THEN post it, if I want to, whether that’s with some changes beforehand or not? Who set me that deadline that’s apparently looming over me? I did, and it’s fake, and it’s there for absolutely no good reason. Breathe. Put yourself first. Be really really really selfish about your own fic writing experience, even, because it’s supposed to be something you enjoy (that’s what a hobby is!), and the rest is secondary.)

[candygirl101x]

Romance MD: Always on Call Munechika Takado Review (if you can really call it that)

Honestly I wasn’t expecting to write a review on this, because; 1. I wasn’t the slightest bit interested in the newest release. 2. And secondly…well I don’t write reviews.

But I haven’t seen that much noise about this title yet; whether that’s due to the lack of interest, the lengthy time it takes to read this whole story, the frustrating amount of hearts (A.K.A your hard earned dollar) you have to spend to achieve a SHE, or perhaps all of the above.

When I saw advertisements for Love 365’s latest release, I honestly didn’t give a damn. Oh joy, another Love Choice title (which by the way everyone asked for…not), the same old character types (I felt like Voltage should’ve changed their name to ‘Oresama’s R Us’) and I didn’t take a liking to any of the character’s physical looks either (except Kasumi, what a babe.)

So when Romance MD was finally released I wasn’t rushing to read it. Lately I’ve been more preoccupied reading another otome (Mr Love Queen’s Choice, if anyone is interested) rather than any releases on Love 365 as it just isn’t giving me that enticing story that I’d throw away life’s commitments in an instant to read. After reading Takado’s story, I only wish that I’d stop judging a book by it’s cover (although I know I definitely won’t).

I found myself reading through the story mostly because it was free (we already know the debate on that one, in the end I think I spent £14) and because I was bored. However, it wasn’t long before I found myself being sucked into the story and just thoroughly enjoying the interactions between the characters.

The MC

I could describe the MC as a breath of fresh air, I could describe her as a complete car crash but I feel as though a more accurate description is Marmite. For those of you who don’t know (probably anyone outside of the UK), Marmite is a food spread that people have on toast/sandwiches etc. The debate is that there are thousands of people who love Marmite more than their firstborn child but on the other hand there’s equally as many people who think Marmite is the work of Satan himself, and would find their dog’s faeces more appetising. So I can’t help but feel like you’ll love her for being new, exciting and different…or you’ll hate her because she’s extremely arrogant, a know-it-all and just plain annoying.

Reasons to love the MC:

She’s clever, like really clever. I have no idea what half those words mean that come out of her mouth but this girl knows her shit.                              

She’s determined and persistent. I mean, I guess all MC’s are when I think about it but it’s generally a good trait to have. The MC doesn’t let Takado out of her sight for a second, even using her skills of being on the track team in highschool to sprint after him when he tries to run away which is highly hilarious. Although can you imagine an MC who isn’t persistent? We’d have no story. Kind of funny thinking about that actually, an MC who just says “Right! I’ve had enough of you abusing me, I’m off home to eat ice cream and watch Netflix. You continue cutting people’s legs off willy nilly like they can grow back.”

She’s relatable. I can’t stress this one enough. Yeah maybe not the medical textbook mumbo jumbo but the social awkwardness and the constant daydreams of Sekai (her otome boyfriend) is something many of us can understand.

She’s not a sheep. This girl has a mind of her own. I take my hat off to her for going up against her superior’s when she thinks something is wrong, I don’t have that kind of backbone.

Reasons to hate the MC:

She can be plain rude. Like I can praise the girl for sticking up for herself but sometimes she’s a little too tart-tongued for my liking. I did cringe a bit, wishing she’d dial things back from time to time.

Missing some classic MC traits, comes across as arrogant. I mean, I guess this one is personal preference. I do like the more outgoing MC who isn’t afraid to speak her mind, but surely it’s natural to not be so arrogant in front of doctors who have years of experience on you? Like the MC is 26, I’m pretty sure all of the guys are 30+ (pretty sure Takado is 35) and have been doctors for a longer time than the MC has even been training to be a doctor. I did find myself missing the humble, kind hearted MC a bit. You really don’t have to be arrogant to be a strong willed woman, my favourite MC is the MC from Our Private Homeroom, I felt like she had a good mix of all the traits.

Can be annoying. Like there’s a time and place to be talking about the topic you’re currently spouting on about MC, and now definitely isn’t the correct time/place.

I was honestly saying the same thing to myself Tak

Takado

Takado himself is not necessarily anything we haven’t seen before. He’s not hiding anything you probably haven’t already guessed. Him and the MC have frequent domestics (which 9 times out of 10 end in her being hit over the head with a file) in places they should definitely not be having domestics, which in itself provides a series of highly entertaining scenes, for not only us but also the rest of the ICU doctors. He doesn’t baby the MC, he tells her when she’s done messed up but does also show signs of kindness behind his stoney façade, especially more towards the end of the story. I also appreciated that his backstory was more than meets the eye, there’s nothing I find more boring than a predictable plot line. Generally, I found him likeable. In fact, more often than not I felt sorry for him for having to put up with the absolute garbage that drops out of the MC’s mouth. I dunno how the hell he ended up falling in love with her too, I’d run a mile if that was me. But then again I did pay £14 for him, so if he didn’t I’d be god damn pissed.

He is equally (actually even more so) as intelligent as the MC, without bragging about how much he knows which was rather refreshing. I mean he does call the MC a thousand different variants of the word stupid, but every single time was justified in my eyes.

Although one thing I must say...

God damn son.

Stuff to Note

One thing I need to comment is holy smokes, how long is this story? When I saw the looming 30 chapters I figured that they were probably going to be over faster than my money leaves my account on payday, but boy how wrong I was. Now this almost certainly is a money grab in order to get you to spend more hearts to get the “good choices” but despite that, I was really impressed with just how long the story took me to read. Maybe I’m just getting old, but usually on any main story I can bash it out in under 2 hours. With this, I actually had to stop myself from reading and go the hell to sleep because it was 4 in the morning. When I checked the next day to what chapter I was on, I thought I was tripping when I realised I’d only just made it halfway through the story. Voltage kudos to you. The story was the perfect length to have good plot pacing, decent character development and satisfying romance at the end.

Now granted if you’re looking for a lovey-dovey romance throughout the whole story this isn’t the route for you. The romance doesn’t really kick start until at least 3/4 of the way through this route, and even then it’s nothing that exciting. The MC struggles to understand what love even is herself, having her only boyfriends being fictional otome men (the relatability is real), she finds herself unable to register what those feelings are. It’s not until a playful bullying from the other ICU doctors and a dictionary search that she realises she’s in love.

But in general, I found Takado’s route an enjoyable read with well placed comedic timing and good focus on the the more serious side of things when it was important. So if you find yourself bored like me, maybe just give it a read. Just don’t come at me with torches and pitchforks when you’re $15 poorer.

Moments I Particularly Enjoyed

The reminder that you are in fact reading the correct story

The scientific breakdown of kabedon

The obvious sarcastic remarks, that the socially inept MC doesn’t understand

The casual discussion of banging in the workplace

Pros and Cons

Pros

Character Development. I feel like both the MC and Takado showed character development. The MC when she finally figured out she has to stop being so damn arrogant and realise the consequences of when she opens her mouth. And Takado, that he can’t just tell people they’re having their leg cut off and just walk off.

Length. Need I say more.

Good pacing. Story progresses, MC progresses, Romance progresses. Good job guys.

Well written. Actually laughed out loud a fair few times whilst reading this story, which I definitely wasn’t expecting. Also whoever came up with the idea of the character sprites holding up a board for comic effect is a god damn genius.

Good group dynamics. I mean it’s not KBTBB, but I enjoyed reading the interactions between all the ICU doctors. Hopefully with more releases we’ll be able to see more of their relationship with each other.

Cons

Love Choice. I mean you can read this story completely free…just you won’t know any of the back story, you won’t get any of the romantic moments and you’ll get the shit ending. But if you’re happy spending $15 for a main story then this is a pro I suppose.

Lacking in romance. Now I’m not saying there isn’t any, I personally don’t have an issue with how things progressed (I much prefer the romance to come in following stories like epilogues and sequels) but I have a feeling if you’re after something with a lot of romance running throughout it, this story won’t be for you.

Too many legs were harmed in the making of this route. People be getting their legs cut off more times than I’ve had hot dinners. Everyone thinks Takado goes around cutting people’s legs off for fun…and honestly you can’t blame them for thinking that.

Not many CGs. Remember the days when we had 6 CGs for a main story? I know I’m being picky but having 1 CG in episode 1 and the last CG in the SHE, that only leaves 2 other CGs for 28 episodes. If you’re gonna have a main story that long, surely you can spare another CG or two Voltage?

I’ve put the character sprites and the CGs below a read more button so people can avoid spoilers. So if you’re interested in what I’ve officially renamed the characters keep reading :) VVVVVVVV

Starring

Dr.Amputation (I’m telling you now, you wouldn’t want this one for your general health checkup) (Takado)

Angry Coach (Takao)

Angry Coach’s Wife (Who I’ve actually forgotten the name of)

Darling Boy (Haruto)

Darling Boy’s mother (Yoko)

Flirty McGee (Hosho)

Kasumi’s Die-hard Fan (but can you blame him?) (Kyogoku)

Dean the Absolute Meme (Matsunaga)

Ghost Hospital Director (Seriously, I think we see him like once in the whole route(why is he even on this list? Because I already had a screenshot and I’d figured I might as well use it) (Usagida)

ICU’s On-Call Doctor Dealer (Ekuni)

Total Babe (Kasumi) (Just you wait till your ass is out bitch)

Also can you blame me?

Ultimate Waifu (Missy)

Partner in Otaku Crime (Asuka)

Cute Penguin (Watch out Sydney, she’s coming for your top spot on the favourite Voltage mascot list and probably your large swimming pool) (Kalmia)

A reformed KBTBB Villain (Mario)

The Main Character (Sekai)

The Actual Main Character (Why we see her sprite for one split second I’m not overly sure, but yeah hard pass Voltage)

CGs

Episode 1

Episode 18

Episode 27

SHE

Now if I were you, I’d go and actually find a good review to read. Like @aqvarius

[wingsoffireaus]

Fanfiction Recommendations

Just a few of my personal favorite Wings of Fire fanfictions. I'm going to try and keep them organized but no promises.

Also please give these fics love by leaving a review. They are honestly really good and lot of them have like maybe five reviews at the most. I'm trying to get better at leaving reviews myself. It is so important to make sure they know it is being enjoyed by others.

If anyone has a fic they don't see on here let me know since I might have forgotten it or not read it yet. Thank you and enjoy!

Shipping

Healed by @sandshadow

Summary: Flame has a lot of issues and has been sent away to the healing center in the Sky Kingdom to deal with them. The last dragons he expected, or wanted, to see there were Umber and Sora. As Flame spends more time in the healing center, and with Umber, he starts to heal in more ways than one. But can he overcome the hate that's been growing in him for so long? T for coarse language.

A personal favorite of mine. And Flumber has quickly become a favorite pairing of mine in this fandom. The only problem I have is there's not a lot of Flumber outside of this fic. But that's okay since there has been an addition to the lore (is that the right word here?) of the fic with an adorable two-shot that takes place a little bit after the events of this fic.

But on other news it's honestly just a good character piece as well. Umber and Flame get great focus and we also get to see Sora again. And there's therapy. Honest to goodness these characters are getting therapy. Praise the Moon's!!!!

10/10 will read again. (Honestly its become one of my therapy fics that I read when I get upset. 😆)

Embracing Peril by Ilral (for the life of me I couldn't find out if there was a Tumblr for them so please let me know so I can add it onto this post.)

Summary: Peril always knew she was different, of course, but it still surprised her just how many ways the world came up with to make her distant. Oh well, at least Clay is here now to buoy her up. And they might just have more in common than she realizes...

A pretty good Cleril fic that deals with a lot of potential prejudices the dragon society might have. A lot of these aren't my headcanons but I can still appreciate the work that went into the fic. And the characters are written pretty well. I like seeing Clay and Peril as an established couple.

A perfect example of it being possible to enjoy a fic even if you don't necessarily share all of the same headcanons as the author.

How to Dance with Rainwings by @quasimagical

Summary: Deathbringer had never anticipated the harsh reality of being pushed away by the love of his life. But when the RainWing queen presents him with a new assignment, he finds himself trapped in the middle of an even more puzzling predicament. AU.

OMG. It's a Jambringer fic. Honestly this one is really cute and I totally ship it. Just a warning Glorybringer isn't the only ship the author breaks up. And while I personally don't ship all the ships they went with I'm the type of person who can still roll with it. Haha.

Another issue is it actually has not been finished but from what I've heard the author does plan on picking it up again sooner or later. But it's definitely worth a read. It's good to see a Deathbringer fic where he is actually treated as a character and not... Well you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Anyway give it a read and review! It's worth it. :)

The Prince and the Body Guard by @a-croissant (based off of their bio on ffnet so hopefully that's right.)

Summary: A oneshot between Turtle and Pike. When Turtle notices that Anemone gets rid of Pike, and Pike runs away, he decides to go after him.

That's right it's a Pike/Turtle one shot. Low key this is really cute. That's kind of all I have to say about it. I ship it and it's adorable.

Character Fics

Winter: A Character Study/Faded Portraits by @sandshadow

Summary: Winter lies awake thinking of everything he's done wrong. The family he disappointed, the love he lost, and the friends he pushed away, but as the night wears on he comes to a new realization about himself.

Wow! Two @sandshadow fics on the list? What?!

Nah but seriously guys this is potentially one of my favorite fics in the fandom. Because I don't know if you know this but I am a Winter fan. And I am still bitter about how he was treated at the end of DoD.

(Also if I have to read any more Winterwatcher fics about him apologizing to Moon for being reasonably upset about a legitimately traumatic experience I am going to scream. )

Anyway. This is what I wish his epilogue in DoD had been. Read it for yourself. Leave a review... I practically an essay myself. My bad. 😅

Winter Returning by Fatespeaker (I can't find a Tumblr for this author so if anyone knows please let me know so I can add it to this post.)

Summary: A week before Icicle's trial, Winter returns to the Ice Kingdom for a very awkward visit. Tensions are high. Old conflicts have resurfaced. With his tribe still reeling from the recent disaster, his family destroyed, and a complicated friendship to deal with, Winter is left picking up the pieces of his old life...and discovering hope for a new one.

Surprise, surprise. It's another Winter fic. I love this boy so much.

Honestly this is done pretty well and we also get to see Winter interact with his family some more as well as getting to see him face some of his own trauma.

It's angsty in all of the best ways.

Aftermath by Fatespeaker (this author has some pretty good stuff honestly.)

Summary: When it comes to living family, Starflight definitely got the short end of the stick. He's kept his distance from his mad scientist father. Well-meaning Fatespeaker wants to help her friend by interviewing Mastermind, but even the briefest of conversations can dredge up uncomfortable truths. War is complicated...its aftermath is messier still.

Kudos to the author for touching on a pretty controversial character. I mean I completely understand why people dislike him. But I can't help it. The fact that his first thought when meeting Starflight was "look at my beautiful boy isn't he astounding!" It was just so refreshing in all the best ways.

I knew the shoe would drop, and what a shoe it was, but I still have a weird fondness for him. And don't fuss me. People can like characters who did horrible things and the thing is I think he's not beyond saving. It will be a lot of work but its possible.

Mastermind- The Scientist and Mastermind- The Monster by The Friendly Space Marine (Again. I don't know if there is a Tumblr for this author. I am so sorry.)

Summary: Mastermind. The NightWing who would become infamous for experimenting on live RainWing subjects. But what is the story behind Starflight's often demonised father? Why did he do it? What drove him to such lengths?

Mastermind. The NightWing embodiment of the mad scientist archetype. A dragon held in contempt by his own son. A monster responsible for unspeakable crimes against the RainWings. What made him do it? Did he ever truly realise the gravity of his actions? 

I really like this take on the character! It adds a new layer to him that nobody really wants to acknowledge or see which I think comes back to the fact that people want to always see characters as good or bad. And I've already stated that I hate that mindset. Like... Wow, people with that mindset must live in a very boring and frankly cold world. I'm sorry for your loss.

Story Driven

Stories that are a little more story driven. Although some are very character-based too so this was kind of hard for me separate. Anyway enjoy!

Finding Peace by @warriorofspectra (for some reason it won't link. I don't understand Tumblr!!!)

Summary:Peacemaker has enjoyed a happy seven years. Raised by his mother and living amongst the RainWing and NightWing Tribes, he would ask for no better life. But with the emergence of nightmares, which have grown increasingly vivid upon arriving at the Jade Mountain Academy, Peacemaker begins to question whether or not the life he lives truly is his own or the shadow of another.

Ey... I already talked about this one before but it's definitely up there as one of my favorite fanfictions and probably my favorite Peacemaker fanfiction.

I don't even want to say anything in too much detail because it's just too good. All you need to know is the characters are great, including OCs. Peacemaker is adorable and almost makes me feel bad for hating the strawberry scene... Almost. Seriously just read it. And then take a peak at the authors side drabble series from POV of the other characters. There's one about Winter that I read just because it makes me so happy to see him again. Agh!

In the Light of the Moon's by Qebui (which is actually a group of people. So I have no clue if there are any Tumblrs associated or not)

Summary: We know the Dragonets of Destiny. Five dragons hatched on brightest night. However, what if the dragonets had hatched in the moonlight instead?

That's right we got a thrice born Starflight and Sunny Fanfiction. Not too much to say about this one. I just love this concept and I like what the authors are doing with it. :D

And... I think that's pretty much it. Wow, this was a lot of hard work. But fun. Lots of fun. And it was good coming back to some of these. Again if there was any I missed please let me know and I will glad I do an updated list adding them to it.

Thanks so much and see ya next time!

[eyesontheskyline]

(about the whole fic writer asks, except those answered now) the story specific ones have to be about 'but if you really hold me tight' - I love all your cxg fics and it's the longest one :D) it's just I'm thinking of getting back to writing and since you're of my favorites authors out there now i'd love to get some insight. kudos for being cool about it!

Hello!  Okay first of all thank you so much, that is a ridiculously big compliment and my face hurts.  And yes yes yes you should definitely write if you feel like writing - just go for it!  If you have any specific questions or you want a pep talk or whatever, message any time :) 

Okay I’m gonna put these under a Read More because wall of text.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?Right now only Crazy Ex Girlfriend.  I wrote for Criminal Minds under a different name then had a gap of several years.  I’m pretty far removed from CM now but I can safely say writing for CXG has been a nicer experience community wise (partly a smaller fandom thing and I suspect partly a demographic thing), and there’s more established character stuff to work with because all the character development isn’t like…  Crammed in the five minutes they have to work with either side of the crime solving.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.I don’t really do either, but reader inserts are kind of a squick of mine honestly, so I’m gonna say OCs.  I’ve only written OC kids though.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?I am not entirely sure what this means…  Fic genre?  Original media genre?  I have only ever written romance or friendship stuff for TV shows, an odd balance of fluff and angst?

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?Mmm let the sun inside has a special place in my heart because it was the thing that got me back into writing after a really long gap and turned out pretty much how I wanted it to.  Writing it was just a very intense ‘I am writing again and my brain is on fire’ experience for me.

7) When is your preferred time to write?I would love to have a less dysfunctional answer to this, but probably between 1 and 4am unfortunately?  That can’t be a thing on work nights because I get up at 6.30.  If I can get myself on a roll early afternoon in a coffee shop though, that’s a better feeling.  Just… Less common than ‘the rest of the world around me is asleep and my brain just woke up’.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?Oh everywhere.  The media I write fic about.  The stories I read.  My life, my friends.  The world.

9) In but if you really hold me tight, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?Oh god I really don’t know.  This story is really hard for me to have perspective on because of the ridiculously time pressured way I wrote and published it.  I’m probably proudest of chapter 12, where they discuss the ‘do we want a baby’ question properly, because that just…  Is an important conversation that you don’t really see in media?  I’m not sure it’s the best writing in the story, but I’m glad I didn’t chicken out of it.  I also enjoyed writing Rebecca meeting Plimpton Senior in chapter 19, because that feels like an opportunity the show missed and I will never see enough versions of it in fic honestly.  (Do you have a favourite?)

10) In but if you really hold me tight, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?That one was pretty much always going to end where it did – just because of the format, it was always going to end in a fluffy happy place around midnight on the 1st of January 2021. The last chapter was going to be longer originally, with more characters getting a moment, but it was just getting kind of unfocused – Rebecca POV can handle tone shifts pretty well I think because of the way her brain is wired, but at some point it all just got a bit messy so I pared it back.  I think I’m pleased with how it turned out, but the chaos of writing it is still fresh enough that it’s hard to tell!

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?Nah, but I’ve fixed typos (thank you @what-the-elle-n!)

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?I find Valencia and Paula pretty difficult.  I love them, but I struggle.

14) How did you come up with the title - You can ask about multiple stories.(Since it says multiple and since I only have 3 currently…)  Everything I’ve published for CXG so far has had song lyric titles – mostly because I am not good at poetic turns of phrase, and I like lyricists who are.  (I’m also not a particularly romantic person, and I like lyricists who are!)

let the sun inside is from Ribcage by elbow.  The full line is ‘I wanted to explode – to pull my ribs apart and let the sun inside’, which feels to me like that feeling of having bottled everything up for so long that you just can’t feel anything anymore until you kind of break down and come out the other side?  And Rebecca = sunshine, so.  That is basically the premise of the story, so that was a stroke of luck.

the landing light is from K2 by elbow (I swear I listen to other music, they just have words that really lend themselves to fanfic titles lol).  I have a whole meta thing written to publish alongside the last chapter about why this song for this story, but basically the line is ‘Dickhead’s done a runner and he’s wondering if anyone cares – is the landing light on?’ which is just someone far from home feeling a bit stupid and homesick and wondering if there’s anybody waiting at home for him.  And of course Nathaniel comes home to a totally miserable situation and there Rebecca is.

but if you really hold me tight…  It had to be a lyric from a Christmas song, preferably one Frank Sinatra sang at some point, because that was the playlist I started listening to in mid-October while outlining this madness.  So it’s from Let It Snow, obviously, although that exact line is not in that version, ssshhhhhh (he sings ‘but if you’ll only hold me tight’).  I chose it because R&N being a team and getting through stuff together in a mostly-fluff-but-not-entirely way was kind of what I was aiming for, and it just felt like it fit.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?I kind of have an OC coming up in a story I’m writing now, and I just… Knew who named them, and tried to choose a name those people would choose.  I don’t really do OCs much in fic, but in not-fic (it’s been a while!) I try to go for a name that (1) means something, and importantly (2) I can imagine their parents having named them.

16) How did you come up with the idea for but if you really hold me tight?So a writer I used to read a lot from the Criminal Minds fandom did a Christmas fic a couple of years in a row – one short, mostly fluffy chapter for each day from the 1st-25th of December.  So that was the plan.  Except as soon as I started outlining it, I knew I couldn’t write an entire month fluffy and problem-free for these two (for anyone, but especially these two), so short and fluffy didn’t stick!

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.“I’ve gotten better at a lot of things since you’ve been away, but my self-deception skills have taken a real hit.”

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?Yeah, I abandoned a few Criminal Minds fics.  I still feel bad about them actually – I get comments on them occasionally. (On the offchance anyone reading this is someone who feels nervous about commenting on old stories – these delight me in ways you cannot imagine.)  I ran out of steam in a lot of ways – I started them without any real idea where I was going and wrote myself into a corner, mostly, but also I was starting to really struggle to write unprompted.  I am not the most mentally well person, and I just got my brain into this spirally tangle where I thought nobody wanted to read anything they hadn’t asked for, so I filled a lot of prompts but couldn’t convince myself to write anything else.  It feels really weird to think about that now, which I guess is a good sign…

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?I toy with following the emotional arc of S4 but following let the sun inside sometimes – that was the plan, when I originally finished it and was panicking that I would never get another idea.  Also, but if you really hold me tight created a world of warm domesticity for R&N that I felt really sad leaving behind, so I would probably like to write in the timeline again.  And the landing light might get a oneshot sequel, depending on whether I end it the way I think I’m going to or the way I was originally planning to…

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?No, not in this fandom.  I’ve only written two endings though!  I’ve ended on some real cheeseball final lines in the past though.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?@heartbash, who can do plot and slow-burn in a way my impatient ass will never be capable of.  @justwanted2dance who deserves a million flame emojis and writes BDSM stuff in a way that makes my anxious brain comfy enough to enjoy it (literally nobody else has achieved this).  @pictureofsoph1sticatedgrace who writes the loveliest fluff and is a badass individual.  @notbang and @anthropologicalhands and @catty-words and @akisazame and @romansuzume who write beautifully and can do those poetic turns of phrase I am not good at.  I’ve got to be forgetting someone but wowww there is so much talent and creativity in this lil room.  So many people to be inspired by.

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?God yes, but not in this fandom.  It’s fine, 19 or 20 year old me, you were learning.

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?Silence.  Or like white noise or the Hufflepuff Common Room 10 hour ASMR video on youtube or something lol.  Anything with words just ruins me – my attention span is laughable.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?Ha yes actually, but I’m really not entirely sure why.  Sometimes my brain is just a really weird place to be.

26) Which part of but if you really hold me tight was the hardest to write?It depends how you measure hardest, I guess.  Several of the smut scenes just said ‘[insert sex]’ for the longest time, sometimes with descriptions?  So like ‘[insert feelingsy sex]’ or whatever lol.  In terms of getting voices right (like to the point of still being unsure whether it’s any good), this gurl group chapter.  

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?It really depends.  Usually I know roughly where I’m going and how I’m getting there and that’s good enough for me, but my NaNo fic got an outline because of the format and timescale. And I’m planning a thing with an actual plot arc (gasp!) so that’s getting an outline, in the hope of making it look vaguely romance novel shaped.  Basically it depends on the length of the thing for me, and how plotty it is.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?Writing advice: if you’re struggling to move past a particular point, the thing you need to change is probably a few lines back.  It’s rarely the last line that painted you into the corner. If you think something needs to come out, paste it into an outtakes document – you might want to put it somewhere else later, or salvage lines from it or whatever, and it’s just easier to let go if you’re not actually hitting delete.

Posting advice: remember fandom is community – everyone is here because they love the thing you love.  They’re gonna be excited there’s a new story to read, and they’re rooting for you!  (Write the thing!)

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?Nahh I mean, it’s a smaallll fandom.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?Again, smaaalll.  (Also I try not to publicly eye roll at things other people love even if they are my things – there’s nothing quite like loving a song just for the band to be like ‘ugh I fucking hate that song’, so I always try to keep that in mind.)

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)You did not send me a rec!  Feel free to send me one now!  In fact, open call, everyone send me fic recs, even if I’ve definitely read them.

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?Mm no I don’t do OCs.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?I mean, I enjoyed hearing that someone read my story in the corner at a party lol, especially because it was a chapter I was pretty pleased with and nervous about.  Also any time anybody says something I wrote is a headcanon or ‘this should have happened in the show’ is a glittery feeling. When somebody notices a little clue or detail that isn’t obvious, it makes me ridiculously happy.  Humans reading my thing then saying something about it is still crazy, so, yeah.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?Story time: my old fandom has this one character who has a lot of pretty hardcore stans.  I mostly dislike the word stan but like…  Yeah.  So anyway, I got an email saying I had a new comment on my ficlet collection (keeping in mind I was in my ‘very unhealthy relationship with feedback’ stage at this point), and clicked on it all happy, and all it said was ‘I didn’t read this because another comment said it doesn’t contain enough *stanned character* and you really should warn people upfront that he isn’t gonna be in it, I’m glad I didn’t waste my time on it’.  Which was just…  A bizarre comment.  Like, commenting to say you didn’t read the thing is weird in itself, but also you list the characters who are in the thing, not all the ones who aren’t?? Anyway, I then went on my tumblr and I had several anon messages that were just straight up hate along the same lines and…  Yeah.  The Criminal Minds fandom was a strange place. On a related note, have I told you today that I love you, CXG people?  I love you.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?I am basically always up with talking stuff through with people.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?This is actually difficult to do right now.  There’s a baby?

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?I mean, I made myself laugh a couple of times in my festive fic, but I’m more of a ‘this one line is funny’ writer than a ‘this story is funny’ writer.  I’m too angsty!

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.This question is faaar too terrifying.  I’ve actually never collabed with anyone, I’d love to though.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?Third.  I think because I’ve only written for TV shows, no matter how closely you’re following one character, if you’re seeing them on a screen, you’re in third person.  So it’s just an extra struggle to make that jump to another POV for me.  I have written my not-fanfic mostly in first though, and I’ve read some lovely fic in first and second.  I’m just not good at it.

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?One person.

41) What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?Hmmmm who is minor, really?  I find AJ difficult but fun.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?I don’t write anything plotty enough for this to be a thing!

44) What is the last line you wrote?“Mm, because you know how irresistible your weird old timey voices are.”

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?I want people to read the thing, honestly.  It’s a ‘reach out my lonely haaand’ moment with a little less melodrama.  I want it to be out in the world doing what it’s meant to do.  I also want it to be finished so I can read it – I get a very particular kind of happy feeling from reading a good sentence I wrote.

46) I really loved but if you really hold me tight. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?Lol it felt really weird to type that in there when you didn’t actually say it directly, but you said all so here we are!  I’m just gonna take that compliment even though I wrote it…  When I started coming to the end of writing that story, I started to feel really sad about leaving behind the warm domestic feel of it, so if I ever feel more domestic fluff coming on, probably it’ll be set after that.  

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?You did not insert a made up title!  Although insert a made up title has potential for Rebecca hounding everyone she knows to help her title a song she wrote.

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?Is ‘let’s have an actual conversation about this’ a trope because that’s my brand so far!  I haven’t written anything particularly tropey, I don’t think, although the pull of ‘omg there was only one bed’ is strong right now!

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?Yes!  It was a Criminal Minds fic, Hotch/Prentiss, canon compliant (ish) missing scenes kind of deal.  I can’t remember the first CXG fic I read, which is ridiculous because it was a lot more recent.  I started writing CXG fic before I started looking for it, because I hadn’t been inspired to write in so long that I didn’t want to scare myself away.  I read some before publishing, but I can’t remember where I started.

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?I can only dream of being mentally stable enough to have a consistent answer to this lol.  Angst comes more naturally to me, but writing angsty characters into happy situations is one of the ways I make sense of the world, so…  Fluff, maybe, as long as I can keep the characters screwed up, because they just…  Are.  And like, same.