#honest to god I’d rather answer emails lmao

[spineless-lobster]

I was born in the wrong generation I was not meant to answer phone calls I was meant to die in a pointless european war

[eldritchsurveys]

929.

Do you ever actually enjoy going to "common" places like the supermarket, the post office, etc? If so, which of these "common" places do you typically enjoy visiting? >> I don’t think so. Most of these kinds of trips are predictable and tedious. I enjoy them more when I’m in an okay mood, but otherwise it’s just... work.

Have you ever made your own bumper sticker? If so, what did it say/portray? If you haven't made your own bumper sticker, what would you want it to say/portray if you did? >> I’ve never made a bumper sticker and I don’t want to make one.

How often do you "sort through" your Xanga subscriptions? Are you more of a person who often unsubscribes from people because you follow too many blogs or are you more of a person who does not often unsubscribe from people because you only follow certain blogs, usually only the ones that you really like? >> I don’t follow survey blogs on tumblr, typically, although I had to follow one recently because tumblr had stopped showing his posts in the tags (for me, anyway). Most everyone else I can find in the tags, so it’s fine.

Now often do you notice sexual references in songs that aren't necessarily direct, such as the emphasis that is put on "everybody knows I'm hung..." in Hot Chelle Ray's "Hung Up"? >> To be honest, it seems like most sexual references in songs nowadays are pretty goddamn overt. Like, WAP just came out...

If you do not smoke marijuana, how do you feel about the legalization of it? Maybe you are so sick of hearing about this that you do not even think about it enough to have an opinion? To guard against leaving anyone out, if you do smoke marijuana, how often do you smoke? >> The reason I don’t smoke it is because it causes adverse effects for me. I support its decriminalisation and I wish its legalisation didn’t immediately result in a fucking monopoly in this country but, you know, capitalism. Still, can you imagine telling someone from like 1980 that “Big Marijuana” was going to be a problem in 2020? It’d be like 12 Monkeys, immediate loony bin for you.

Do you currently live in one of the states that has legalized same-sex marriage? If so, which state are you in? Keep in mind, Delaware has recently joined this group! >> Well, it’s federally legal now.

In terms of the biggest news stories right now, how aware would you say that you are of what is going on in the world? You can judge this by your knowledge of the "Tebow Bill", the case of the Texas cheerleaders that were criticized for their religious banners, the guilty verdict that was handed to Jodi Arias on terms of the 1st degree murder of Travis Alexander, and the rescue of the missing girls in Cleveland who were held captive for a decade. >> (This survey is... uh, a few years old. In case you haven’t already noticed.) I’m relatively aware of the biggest news stories in the United States right now because they’re kind of everywhere (and also because I get daily emails from The Flip Side). Even people in other countries can’t avoid knowing about what’s going on in the US, unfortunately. Also, I should add that one of the biggest continuously-updating news points right now is a global pandemic, so, you know. Kind of hard not to know about that.

Obviously hypothetically speaking, your child is charged with a crime and could receive the death penalty punishment. Your child asks you not to testify for life in prison instead because he/she would rather die fairly soon rather than to live the rest of his/her life in prison. As a parent, do you think that you could obey their wishes in good conscience and not attempt to spare your child's life? >> If I couldn’t, I’d be really fucking disappointed in myself. I’m going to allow for the variable that I might feel differently about a child if I actually had one (since parents are always talking about how us childless people “just don’t get it”), but I really can’t see my values changing that much, and one of my values is respecting other people’s right to die.

Be honest, when you ask questions like "how are you?" do you actually expect a true, possibly elaborate, response or do you expect the typical "fine" or "okay" answer in which you are mostly just asking to be polite? Perhaps it depends on the situation? >> If I ask, it’s because I actually want to know what’s going on in the person’s life -- like, they’re a friend or something and we haven’t talked for a while. I don’t ask this out of obligation or weird social rules or anything.

Do you wash your hair every single day when you shower? Do you really believe that skipping a wash every now and then is better for the hair? >> First of all, I don’t shower every single day either. Also, I’m not white, so my hair texture demands more time between washing if I don’t want it to be dry and brittle.

Would you rather have long, damaged hair or short, healthy hair? In other words, which is more important to you, the length or the health of your hair? >> Who the fuck wants damaged hair? *thinks about all the white people with “dreadlocks”* Wait, never mind, don’t answer that.

Who was the last person in your life to have "car problems" and what happened? >> I mean, the only person really in my life is Sparrow and the last car problem she had was when she had that flat and tried to drive to Meijer on it and the whole fuckin thing just disintegrated, lmao. That was an Adventure.

When you text someone until you are about to go to sleep, do you usually send that person a goodnight/goodbye text, just reply to their message when you wake up, or does it vary? >> Depends on the nature of the conversation. If it’s really casual I’ll just let it taper off. If it’s more focused or serious, then I’ll warn them that it’s almost my bedtime so if they have anything pressing to add, add it now. Otherwise we can just pick it back up again in the morning (or let it end, whatever). ...This is also all hypothetical, since who the fuck am I texting.

What do you want the most right now? >> Nothing.

Are/were your parents/guardians more strict or easy going? >> Very strict.

How many items are currently in the recycling bin on your computer? >> Oh god. Like ~1100 files, because of that goddamn OneDrive fiasco a couple of months ago. I forgot to empty it, but I just emptied it now, so thanks for reminding me.

When was the last time you ate spaghetti? >> I don’t remember.

Does it bother you when surveys you've copied and pasted into an entry are formatted? For instance, the previous survey taker may have used Tahoma font in the entry or aligned the survey to the center. >> This isn’t a problem on tumblr. Usually the problem is that new!dashboard just jacks up formatting so when I copy from dash and paste into the editor, the spacing is all wrong. I solve that problem by copying from the permalink instead... which is an extra step and kind of annoying, but whatcha gonna do.

Do you actually find comedians with a style like Will Ferrell and Steve Carell funny or are they more annoying and moronic to you? >> Steve Carell can be funny sometimes, I guess. I don’t like most Will Ferrell movies. It’s just not my sense of humour, I’m not going to fucking insult it just because it’s not my thing.

[sonofhistory]

Ron Chernow: Tales of False Information, Hypocrisy and Sucking Up.

I’m not doing this in a pretty essay because I wanted to get the taint of his name from my keyboard quick enough. Often enough, I exclaim my opinion of Ron Chernow. What comes afterwards is a bucket of asks questioning my reasoning, to which I have explained on numerous occasions. Today, once and for all, I will answer it in a clear formate so that I may 1) Stop being asked of Chernow and 2) Give you all the information to choose properly when reading up on your history! Let’s begin. 

This is Ron Chernow:

Ah, yes. The man himself. Historian, best-selling writer, journalist... you name it. Kinda looks like your uncle who gets you a child’s Christmas present even though you are seventeen years old.  If you are interested in history, or follow it to some extent you most certainly have heard his name in the past. Whether it be in a book store, online, or for your especially crafty people--this blog ;) You are bound to be able to recognize his name. He has published titles such as Titan, The Death of the Banker, Grant & Washington to name a few with the most popularity or catch among readers and stats. However, if it is one biography of which stands out the most against anything it is: Alexander Hamilton. You know that big yellow book?

I can assure you, that while this book looks to big and bright as to blot out the sun: it is nothing but a walk in the park. The biography delves heavily into the life of the first Secretary Treasury of the United States in a manner which has never been performed to such an impressive extent for the historical figure before. From the poor island to by Washington’s side and then the forest of Wekawken to his last breath beside Eliza, just as David McCullough did with John Adams, Ron Chernow masterfully articulates all of the information in a conscious and extraordinary manner. So, perhaps you ask: why, Presley, do you hold an utter disdain for Ron Chernow if you think it was good?? Well to answer your question:

Because he does too much sucking up. 

Sucking up. 

But what do I mean by that? I mean rather poignantly that if Ron Chernow could, he would get down on his knees and please Hamilton in any which manner that he wishes. He sucks up. Alexander Hamilton is solely one example of this manner of creating a larger and life picture of the man. I have stated all this before, in my review on this book, but today I am going to tackle a few reasons why you shouldn’t rush out to read from Chernow on this interesting figure. From not allowing Hamilton to take account for his wrong deeds, to blaming the people in his life to blatant lies among the text. Ron Chernow, is, in my honest and collective opinion, a lying and untruthful historian. 

First and foremost: bias. You’ve heard this word before often coming from me on this blog regarding historians. In my context, it means an author who does not take both prospectives in an argument and is always inclined to one specific side. Perfect examples of how historians have been masterful in avoiding bias is Jon Meacham in Thomas Jefferson and John Ferling in Jefferson vs Hamilton. Those authors were able to perfectly walk the line between giving their figure’s opinions and being able to tear their views to shreds. Ron Chernow does not walk the line. Actually he pretty much fell the thousand feet away from the line to his doom in hell. Strong wording? You bet. Chernow is EXTREMELY BIAS. By bias in Chernow context, I mean that he does not understand how to incorporate differing opinions into his passages or know how to interpret Hamilton in what manner he was: a brilliant but extremely flawed man with a multitude of moral issues who constructed the country from scratch with the rest of them. Instead, Chernow chooses to view Hamilton is a divergent light. 

So what does this do for his character? Hamilton’s. It amplifies it. Chernow spends the entire biography attempting to convince how holy, forgotten and sacred Hamilton is that he entirely disregards that Hamilton is already interesting by himself! We don’t need useful false information or bias information. For example, Chernow portrays Hamilton in a light of “do no wrong” and that is was everyone around him of which had issue. For a few examples:

Thomas Jefferson started all of the arguments between them and he was evil. Not like Hamilton did anything to be either...

Maria Reynolds is a stupid whore and she seduced poor Hamilton into banging her. 

James Monroe just stopped being friends with him and backstabbed him. Lmao. Right. 

It is Eliza’s fault that Hamilton cheated on her because she was pregnant all of the time. 

It was Eliza’s fault being Hamilton needs to protect his fragile masculinity and bang other women. 

It is Eliza’s fault. 

IT IS ELIZA’S FAULT FOR EVERYTHING. 

This brings me onto another point about characterization. So, in the wake of him having to amplify Hamilton to his extraordinary human bring who cannot do any wrong, he had to, at the same time, ruin the characters and personalities of the people around Hamilton. He spends the entire book trying to say that it was Eliza who was the hero but then completely goes against his claim just to bring attention and say that Eliza was responsible for the largest blot on Hamilton’s character. He trashes James Monroe by putting him the light of a Hamilton or Jefferson wannabe. He characterizes Jefferson the wrong way and takes numerous amounts of time just to dig at his character in the text like a middle schooler talking shit about someone. The thing is? Jefferson sucks! Yeah! We all know that: Jefferson is a piece of shit. However, Chernow doesn’t diss Jefferson in a way that is so bring to light how disgusting he was, he does it just to prove how much “cooler” Jefferson was to him and in turn ignores all of his subject’s flaws. James Madison is portrayed pathetically as well. Thought I’d mention... I believe the most horrifying thing, however, is his incorrect take on Maria Reynolds. That she was a stupid whore and Hamilton couldn’t resist her beautiful, sexy and entrancing sex sex sex. 

Alright. I spoke enough about character. Now allow us to tackle a fundamental reason why Chernow drops the ball in all of his biographies. The sacred ball. The sacred, holy ball that all historians must follow. 

CITE YOUR GOD DAMN SOURCES. 

Chernow puts information in there that you cannot find anywhere else. I mean... anywhere. But... what do I mean? I mean it is no where. No sources, no archives: nothing. A lot of his information is completely and utterly false! He places it in there just to serve his own agenda! It is completely crazy. Here are a few examples I noticed (there are many):

He states that Hamilton never owned any slaves and places him in the light of an extreme abolitionist. WHICH IS COMPLETELY FALSE. Chernow shows him as a fervent abolitionist and only mentions on one page in one sentence the  possiblity that Alexander Hamilton owned slaves. Alexander Hamilton owned one or two house slaves, he married into one of the richest slave owning family, he bought slaves for his family member and Chernow tries to say this was all against his will–seriously? Newsflash, Alexander Hamilton was NOT an abolitionist.

Stated that Hercules Mulligan was in the New York Manumission Society yet he is not in any records and was owning slaves all throughout his life. 

The story about Martha Washington’s tomcat is also untrue and the Boston Globe stated the emailed Chernow multiple times to no answer. 

Let us also not forgot to mention the incorrect labeling on the William S. Hamilton picture. 

As you can see: Chernow puts in facts and flowery information in order to pump up his nice thesis. He spends so long trying to do exactly what David McCullough did masterfully: bring a figure up from the depths and turn him in one fellow swoop into an icon. Sure, Chernow has gotten that done. He has a musical, which is pretty amazing, and everything. But masterfully? Debatable. 

At the end of the day, Alexander Hamilton is just one example of Chernow’s dirty deed. He did the same thing in Washington btw which is why I don’t recommend it. I must giver Chernow props however: his writing style is complex but fascination, interesting and he does immense research for his writing. Kudos on that. 

If you are looking for entertaining book with many facts and nearly a thousand pages of information on one person: you will go to the right now. I am not asking you to not read Chernow because in the end, he actually is quite good. What I am saying is that when you are going to read Chernow: you will need to take everything he says with a big pinch of salt. Because you may never know what is fact, what is reality and when he is crossing between being a historian and being a fan boy. 

Take Chernow with a pinch of salt. A big pinch of salt. A whole thing of salt. A bucket of salt. A damn house of salt. As you are reading, you are going to have to question everything that he is writing about and you’ll never know fiction and fanboying between truth and reality. Want to relax instead? Come to me and I’ll recommend you anything better than him. 

[lordzuuko]

EYYYYY *FINGER GUNS* 😂😂😂 SOOO A PROMPT FROM ME TO YOU! One day, pidge asks Keith," Daddy Keith! How does daddy Shiro smell so nice all the time?" THIS in turn causes Keith to be curious too and fluff happens. 😂😂💞💞💞 loove youuu!

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST QUOTED “TEMPORARY FIX.” TO. ME. lmao

[The Voltron Family] The family was done with dinner and it was Pidge and Lance’s turn to wash the dishes. Keith was still in the table, trying to answer emails via phone. Shiro passed by Pidge by the sink---who just placed the plates Lance handed to her---and ruffled her hair.

Pidge: *annoyed* Daddy Shiro! Ugh. This is why I’m not getting any taller!Shiro: *laughs* Hey! Don’t blame me on that! It’s not my fault you stay up too late. When you were younger, I made sure you slept at 8pm. Now that you’re 16, you’re staying up til what? 11pm? *fake gasp* Why, my child?Pidge: Nonya. *grumbles*Shiro: What?Pidge: Nonya business. *sticks tongue out*Shiro: Did you just quote Moana?Lance: *sings* Moana~ Make way~ Make way~ *gathers the glasses*Shiro: *turns back to Pidge* Goodnight, sweetheart. *leans in for a kiss*Pidge: *disgruntled* *turns head away* *not giving in* *turns the faucet*Shiro: *pouts* Oh, cmon. Keith, Pidge won’t give me a goodnight kiss!Keith: *not looking up from his phone* Pidge, give your Daddy Shiro a goodnight kiss. Pidge: *grumbles* *turns* *gives Shiro a peck* Goodnight.Shiro: *beams* Goodnight, sweetheart.

Shiro turned around to give Lance and Keith a goodnight kiss too. He left the kitchen and gave Hunk one as well who was in the living room. As soon as Shiro headed upstairs to the bedroom, Pidge spoke up.

Pidge: Daddy Keith, how come Daddy Shiro smells so nice all the time?Keith: *looks up* *raises an eyebrow* You’d rather have him smelling bad?Pidge: No! I mean like, he smells nice all the damn time.Lance: *joins Pidge with the washing* I agree. Ever since we were kids, I noticed, since I like to hug him most of the time. He has this specific smell that’s so.... Daddy Shiro. It’s nice. Pidge: *nods* It’s nice, yeah. Like, he bathes in perfume or something.Lance: Or he sweats perfume. *finger guns Pidge*Pidge: Yeah. Not quite possible but yeah, seems like he sweats perfume. *eyes widens* I mean, DOES HE ACTUALLY SWEATS PERFUME?Hunk: *joins them* I have a theory. What if he injects himself, so his sweat glands excrete such fragrant substance instead of the usual sweat?Lance: Well, Daddy Shiro IS a doctor. Pidge: What does he actually even do inside his clinic? *twitches eyes*

Now that got Keith curious. As soon as he went up to the master bedroom, he looked for Shiro who just got out of the bathroom (with just a towel to cover his lower parts) and was looking for a pair of pyjamas. Keith eyed him suspiciously.

Keith: *wraps his hands around Shiro’s waist* Takashi. *rests his chin on top of Shiro’s shoulder* *sneakily tries to smell him*Shiro: *turns his head* Oh, Keith. Did you want to take a bath together?Keith: *shakes head* No, no, it’s fine. *closes his eyes and clicks his tongue* Dammit. The kids were right. Shiro: Uh?? About what?Keith: They have this ridiculous theory that you sweat perfume.Shiro: *in disbelief* What? *laughs* Oh my god? What?Keith: *lets go of Shiro* I might actually have to agree on that. You smell really good. All the time. I mean, I know you just took a bath but you smell exactly the same even in the morning, at noon and even when you get home from work. Like, you really really smell good all the time. What are you using? I don’t see you spraying perfume in the morning on a Saturday?! We stayed home the whole day. So you have no excuse. Are you secretly not human? Are you what? An alien? Did I marry an alien all this time?! No human is allowed to look and smell that good 25/8, Takashi.Shiro: *laughs and pulls Keith into a hug* You and the kids are being silly.Keith: I want proof that you’re not an alien. *eyes Shiro suspiciously*Shiro: *gives Keith a peck* I think you’re forgetting one huge factor here, baby.Keith: What? Shiro: You smell really good, too. And we’re always together, so... *nuzzles Keith’s neck with his nose*Keith: *laughs* Shiro, stop that! I haven’t even taken a bath yet. Shiro: *smiles* See, that’s the thing. You smell so fresh all the time. Are you using that perfume I gave you earlier this year?Keith: Yeah I am. Really good too--- *stops and slaps Shiro playfully* Stop changing the subject! Oh my god.Shiro: *laughs even harder* I think it’s my body wash actually that your Mom gives me every year.Keith: *jaw drops* My own mother gives you body wash every year?Shiro: Yeah, every birthday. I told her I liked it the first time and she’s been my supplier ever since. Also, I think the lotion I use too. And maybe that facial cream and of course, my perfume---Keith: Oh my god. How many stuff do you even put on your body?Shiro: Hey! As much as I’d like to say I wake up looking and smelling like this, I don’t exactly look like a Roman god without putting effort. *winks*Keith: *in disbelief* The kids thought you were injecting perfume!Shiro: Pffftt! That’s so ridiculous. *blinks* But actually not a bad idea. Huh.Keith: *slaps* Don’t you dare, Takashi Shirogane.Shiro: *smirks* Oh? Do I get a prize if I don’t? *pulls Keith in*Keith: Hmmm, I dunno. What would you like, Takashi? *raises an eyebrow*Shiro: What would I... like? *leans in*Pidge: Daddy Keith! *enters the room* Did you find out about Daddy Shiro?Shiro: Every. Damn. Time. *grits his teeth*Keith: *laughs* This is actually all your fault to be honest. 

[vanchlo]

the assistant / chapter eighteen, “down”

hey there!!!!! woah it’s been so long, i am so so sorry!!! it’s so good to be typing all this up and making this post haha and its kinda weird trying to get back into it too, i missed picking the gif and little sneak peeks out for the post on here lol. i hope you’ve all been well and had great holidays!! well i came back to this chapter that was sitting around for awhile and i wrapped up the end of it, and so i figured i would post it. hopefully it isn’t utter trash haha. i really don’t know when the next chapter will be up or if i’m back with this story just to be honest with you, but i thought i would give it another try and my bf like really wanted me to try again for awhile lol hes pretty great, so you have him to thank lmao. i really wanted to say a big thank you to those of you who have sent me lovely messages about the story (im sorry if some got lost :( or i never replied to) and who have been so patient, it means the world and im so excited to share this new one with you because of your continued love and support for this story, because i know youre all so excited. it still amazes me honestly, you guys are the best. but yes i hope you like this, plz plz let me know what you think! i enjoy!!!! :-) 

p.s. - i can’t remember for the fricken life of me how i formatted their texts so be easy on me lol theres not a lot to work with or do, i hope theyre easy to understand :) ugh if only you could change the color of the font on here it would be so much easier sigh 

old chapterzzzzzz!

i know that i probably shouldn’t, and honestly i really don’t know if harry would give a shit, but i thumb at the corner of the file by the label. the fact of being in his hall and not knowing if i should do this or not makes it a little worse.

i take a breath before i stop in front of his closed door. rapping my fist against the door, i wait like any other time. and after harry told me the other day to just come on in if he doesn’t answer by the second time, to just let myself in if it’s something important, i do just that ever so nervously. and with the suspicious as shit file weighing heavily in my arms, i wrap my fingers around the cold tingy metal and twist. the creepy neck feeling and the hot nervous one like i did something wrong floods back to me in a tsunamic like wave when i spot the graying man standing by harry’s desk. 

with a gulp that becomes harder when his dark brown eyes cast over to me along with the weak dimples peeking out of his cheeks aged with lines, suddenly i feel not so great. 

it feels like everybody’s eyes are on the back of my neck when i eventually walk out of the bathroom and back to my desk. when i turn around, there’s nobody watching or staring or prying. just my messed up conscious and paranoid mind, because that’s nice. i discreetly run a finger under my eyes as i pull out the wheely chair and sit back down, lifting the top of my macbook to open it up. holding down the power button, the white apple logo soon appears on my screen. with a sniffle, i pull at the tight waist of these black dress pants before typing my password in.

the plain mountain background loads quickly, and a second later a soft chime sounds. and then there’s another. dragging my eyes to the top right corner of the shiny screen, i see the name i dread maybe the most.

(H in italics and B in bold-italics :-))

12:05pm

please try to be nice with

the costume, pretty

please with a cherry on top?

12:10pm

you’re making me nervous,

becks.

and a new chime just as this message comes in, all fresh and new.

12:23pm

you there, love?

yeah sorry. got busy.

it’s ok.

instead of replying, i venture to chrome and open my email to find too much freaking shit. the third or fourth email is from him, time stamped from around eight am. he probably finished the list up and sent it from home last night, which isn’t too weird for him. sometimes it comes the night before, if he’s feeling generous or something like that.

12:29pm

what’s this file you want?

what?

on the list. it just says ‘find the

heartwood file for me asap and bring

it to me’. you need to learn to be more

specific you know, i thought we talked

about this.

12:30pm

oh yeah. that. sorryyyyyy,  i

know we spoke about

it. yeah, i need the

criminal file on bertie

heartwood. it’s not on the

online database as a digital file, so

you’ll have to go down

to the basement where

they keep all of the real paper ones.

you’ve been down there

the one time right? it

wasn’t too bad, huh?

yeah it was a jolly old time, i loved the

creepy old geezer sitting in the door shoving his face with a twinkie who couldn’t help me for shit. i almost had

an asthma attack from all of the dust

and i don’t have asthma!

damn you’re hilarious,

becks.

shutup, i’m being serious.

:) 

don’t send me a fucking smiley face.

first i have to do all of that awful filing

and now i have to go down to the

basement to the papers room where who knows

how many rats live with the creepy old

guy staring at my bum and boobs. watch, i probably

will never even get back up here to

17 because the elevator will have

stopped working, or the weirdo shanked me and i bled out. and god, don’t even

get me fucking started on the

cobwebs down there.

language! and would you chill out? there

are no bloody rats in my

law firm

i heard something the last time i was

down there trying and failing to find

that witman file for you, and i turned

around and i swear to god i saw a

tail, harry.

stop it, you did not see

a bleeding rat down there.

and i keep my firm

blooming spotless, so hush.

you still need to find a new clerk guy

down there who isn’t a 80 year old

who probably has an arrest or two

having to do with pedophilia and porn.

i bet you fifty pounds if you had the

techies look at his computer you’d find pornhub.com in his web history.

bloody hell becks. he

does not. jerry’s background

is spotless. ya really think

i’d take a bet on somebody

like that?

well all he does is basically just guard

about fifty dusty shelves of files, so

yeah maybee.

fuck you, you little shit.

uh no, i only get to call you that.

sure you do.

shutup.

can i pleaseeeeee not go down there?

i was considering it, but

not after all that lousy stuff

you said about the papers

room and nice old jerry.

he is not nice, harry! he’s so rude.

doesn’t even help me when i have a

question, scouts honor.

no way, you were a girl scout?

ya sell all those yummy boxes

of biscuits, too?

shut up.

ya better be nice, or i just

might make you come to

that ball with me after all,

you little shit.

stop calling me that, that’s my line.

would you rather i come down

and give you another nice

tour? i don’t really want to,

because i’m supposed to be

doing this skype call with

somebody from ny, and

hell thats why i asked you

to do it.

god, don’t be too honest there.

i’m sorry, just not looking forward

to this skype call. and amber

won’t stop blowing up my phone,

she’s in a real mood today.

what’s new with that?

be nice, becks.

i’m just stating the truth, that’s all.

his reply is lagged, and i tap my fingers against my thigh as i wait for the word ‘read’ to show up under my message. and more so for the little bubble to show up. i don’t know if i’m thankful or what when the t-rex rings and i drag my hand over with a huff to pick it up.

“styles and lawson, this is becky,” i answer the most mock cheerfully that i can do on a monday.

“hi, i was wondering who i could talk to about how i could go about setting up a consultation with mr. styles?” a chipper voice replies.

“i’m mr. styles’ assistant, so i can gladly answer that question for you,” i reply.

ten unnecessary minutes later, i finally set the phone down. and when i turn to wake up my computer, there’s a red bubble stuck to my little messages icon. with a shake of my head, i click on it and find harry’s texts. but i hardly get a chance to read them, when his name pops up in the corner of my screen again, but this time he’s calling me.

sticking my hand into my drawer, i pull my buzzing phone out and swipe my thumb across the screen.

“god, what do you want now?” i reply fake annoyed.

“ya betta watch it, becks. actually ‘m surprised ya answered, ya weren’t replying t’ me texts.”

“i’m sorry, i had to explain to some old lady on the phone that just because you’re such a greaaaat lawyer, that you don’t take all cases that come at you, and she wasn’t that happy because of that and because she doesn’t really know how to work email to send me a consult. actually i don’t think she even has one.”

“oh, i see. well sorry i blew up yer mac, but was hopin’ ya’d go an’ get that file fer me soon. pleeeease, becks?” he says, apology heavy in his tone, before it switches to something sickeningly sweet. what a little shit.

“can’t like, you call down there and just have them send it up somehow?”

“this isn’ a bloody post office, becks. ’s jus’ one li’l file, tha’s actually real important. an’ i need it, i wouldn’ ask ya t’ go get it if i didn’ need it.”

“suuuuure,” i sigh, browsing through this week’s list quickly, but it’s not much use because this isn’t the final length. it’ll just keep getting added to as the week carries on. the usual.

“come on, becks. i won’ make ya go down there fer awhile afta this, ok?”

“weak proposition, mr. lawyer,” i reply sassily, pushing my hair behind my ear as i open another email reading a consult from a possible client.

“‘m not gonn’ bribe you.”

“why not?”

“you cheeky li’l thing you, jus’ go get tha bloody file before i come out there.”

“wow, you’re soooo scary,” i tease, hearing his fed up huff.

“jus’ go get tha damn file, you bloody li’l shit,” he chuckles softly. “now i really hafta go, tha bloke’s s’posed t’ be callin’ any mo’ now.”

“no, wait!”

“whaaaat?” he groans.

“i forgot where i look down there, because you know there’s like fifty shelves with boxes of files on them.”

“bloody hell, becks, just ask jerry.”

“i am not talking to that creeper ever again in my life,” i whisper, lowering my voice when somebody walks by. “and he is soooo a creeper, harry! the last time i was down there, i was looking through a box of files that was on the bottom shelf, and when i looked up the bloke’s eyes were glued to my cleavage!”

what comes next is a little explosion of giggles from his side, and i have to resist rolling my eyes because it’s not as good when he can’t see it. since we’re on the phone, even though he’s like . . well right over there.

“becks, yer too damn funny fer yer own good, darlin’,” he gets out in a long titter, and i deal him back a sigh. “ok don’ botha with jerry then, but ’s organized by tha alphabet if i rememba right from tha last time i was down there. but yeah ’s just by last name, so it shouldn’ be too hard t’ find, love.”

“wow, thanks for calling me dumb.”

“‘m not callin’ you dumb, becks!” he laughs, and when i hear the familiar ringing sound faintly i know it’s his skype. “hey sorry, that bastard’s ringin’ me, so i gott’ go. but if ya ‘ave any troubles, jus’ text me an’ ‘ll try t’ get back t’ ya fairly quick.”

“ok, don’t get too bored,” i joke, hearing his sweet giggle for only a second.

“thanks, babe, don’ die down there,” he replies, and i only get a scoff in before he says a quick goodbye.

+

with a dreaded touch and an exaggerated groan, i stab the lit up plastic button labeled ‘bmt’ and take a few steps and turn to lean against the back wall of the elevator i’m alone in. with a soft hum, the doors squeeze back together and it starts to move down as i stare ahead at my blurry reflection in the shiny doors.

12:50pm

this really fricken sucks,

like a lot.

i stab my thumb at the ‘send’ button and let out a huff after pressing the lock button waiting to arrive in the moldy scary basement. the red led number above the doors falls one by one, sticking at ‘9’ before it drops again.

buzz buzz.

12:54pm

hush, don’t start being a

whine baby on me now.

i told you i won’t make you

go down there for awhile

after this.

you better not.

oh stop being so dramatic.

i think i got that from you.

you’re just hilarious.

why thank you.

now get off your phone and

go get that file.

i’m on the elevator as we

speak, god chill!

you chill, and stop taking the

lord’s name.

since when do you care?

doesn’t matter, now i gotta go.

this bloke is almost back from

whatever the hell he had to do,

and i gotta pay attention, this call

is important.

ok, sorry for bothering you.

don’t, you’re not bothering me.

why do ya always think you’re a

bother becks? but

text me if you need me for any

help with finding the file, and i’ll

try my best, i just might take a

bit to reply.

thank you, harry. you know

you’re probably the best, right?

:)

thanks, sweetheart :) you’re

pretty darn great yourself.

you’re welcome, and thanks :)

i wait for a quick witted reply, and after a little bit i think he should have replied by now with how quick his replies were coming. and so i stuff my phone away in my pocket, and look up to find the doors peeling apart. i take in a deep breath and step off the elevator, pulling my long gray sweater around me at the change of temperature. fuckkkkkk, i do not need this too.

with shivering shoulders and chattering teeth, i tiptoe down the hall - because well there’s not a fucking soul around and i feel like it’s too quiet and shit is going to echo - and soon spot the little sign that reads ‘file room’. but ever since i stepped my first foot into this form, it’s always been called ‘the papers room’ for a reason i don’t know, and that i should probably ask harry one day. or asher.

sure enough, wrinkly and graying and not to mention balding jerry whitter is sat at his black desk scrolling away on his silver desktop. probably looking at girl on girl action, or something really weird, i just have a weird feeling. it takes him too long to look up and when he does, i savor the look on his face because fuck i know he was looking at porn. that git.

with a forced smile stretching across his stubbly chubby cheeks, his thin lips you could hardly discern from his gray mustache part, “oh hullo, love. come down to find another file. ya need any help finding anything?” he says ever so cheerily, but i know it’s fake.

“uh no thanks, i think i got it,” i reply, trying a smile that he returns, but it’s last about a second. with a shiver and my arms pulled around myself, i walk past the wimpy coworker of mine dressed in a long sleeved gray button down and slacks. i don’t even want to think about those slacks and any other part of his body for that matter.

that thought gives me another shiver as i pass the tall gray metal shelves of cardboard box heavy with ancient files. all i know is that most of the files that harry and the other lawyers used and need these days are online digitally, and that somebody who’s not fucking jerry is in the process of scanning all of these to get them online. but i can imagine there’s a point where it’s just been enough, and what’s the point if you don’t need them? at least that’s what i think.

clearing my throat and trying to do the same with my mind, i bow my head and lift my hand to find the hot pink post it i scribbled down the info on, knowing i’ll most likely forget.

bertie heartwood

criminal files

1989

with a huff, i stuff it back away in the pocket of my sweater, pulling the front tighter across my chest. glancing a hasty look over my shoulder back at jerry, all i know is that i’m glad he’s not looking me up, and i don’t bother to see what he’s staring at on his computer. bad idea, becky, bad idea. and so i cross my arms over my chest, wincing at my annoying ass bra digging into my side as i look at the little sign on the very left of the shelf by the aisle. ‘a-f’ it reads. i try to hold back the groan as i walk down the long ass aisle, and turn to peek in the next one. like the other side, the very last shelf has another little sign reading ‘g-m’ and i drag my feet down to the beginning. first i go too far and i’m stuck in the g’s, and then when i veer to the right of the aisle i’m in the fucking j’s, because god. ughhhh.

i almost jump out of my fucking flats when my hip buzzes, and i look down to find the screen of my phone lit up. the smile is hard to push down at the sight of his words, and what they are.

12:55pm

it going alright? you get lost

down there, bub?

no, not yet. but apparently

finding the h’s in this aisle for

g-m is harder than it looks.

the screen goes dark as i stare at it waiting for his response, but it doesn’t come right away, and so i assume he’s caught up with his skype call. i don’t even know why he bothered anyways, especially since he joked somewhat about me leaving him alone. i turn my attention and eyes back to the boxes upon boxes of files waiting in front of me. after awhile, i finally get a little warmer and find the h’s. you’d think it wouldn’t be too hard to find ‘he-‘ especially when there shouldn’t be that big of a variety of files here, but yeah no. first there’s habergram. haberly. habittle. hack. hackney. hackman. like i’ve never seen so many ‘ha-’s in my entire life. what the fuck, harry?

my phone says it’s a few ticks away from quarter after one when i finally locate the ‘he-’s and then it’s not too bad then, considering ‘hea-‘ is right in the beginning, or so i hope. but after a minute or two, i finally finally the little label reading ‘heartwood, bertie’ and pull out the frayed dusty black file.

“ya find all that you need?” jerry questions when i walk up to his desk, much to my dismay.

“yep, thanks,” i answer, plucking a clicky pen from his coffee mug full of them. hmm so maybe the coffee mug of pens is a thing here, huh?

dreadfully so, i lean down and press the pen to the clipboard, but this time i remember to hold the file to my chest so the perv can’t look down my shirt. fucking gross. first i scribble down the date, time of 1:34pm, the name of the file as well as the handy dandy code on the lip of the file i have to locate first and then make it out and yada yada it’s too much work really, and finally i put down my autograph at the end.

jerry and i exchange small ‘thanks’ and he mutters a ‘bye’ i fully ignore, before i peel out of there and get back on the elevator afraid to be down there another minute more.

1:35pm

you still on the phone?

a dictionary sized ‘delivered’ pops up under my message after a moment, but no read receipt before i check my notifications and a few other things as the elevator brings me up. i’m happy when it sounds a long ding and the doors open, letting me breath again as i step out onto seventeen. the keys are clicking and the phones are a ringing as i walk back to my desk, veering for people in slacks and skirts rushing with their cups of tea and stacks of paper before i swing down harry’s hall. i know that i probably shouldn’t, and honestly i really don’t know if harry would give a shit, but i thumb at the corner of the file by the label. the fact of being in his hall and not knowing if i should do this or not makes it a little worse, so all i get is a glance of a wacky mugshot of a weird looking guy before i let it fall closed only a few steps away from harry’s door.

doing a once over for anybody busting me, even though i know it’s not going to happen or so i hope, i take a breath before i stop in front of his closed door. rapping my fist against the door, i wait like any other time. and after harry told me the other day to just come on in if he doesn’t answer by the second time, to just let myself in if it’s something important, i do just that ever so nervously. and with the suspicious as shit file weighing heavily in my arms, i wrap my fingers around the cold tingy metal and twist.

the creepy neck feeling and the hot nervous one like i did something wrong floods back to me in a tsunamic like wave when i spot the graying man standing by harry’s desk. with a gulp that becomes harder when his dark brown eyes cast over to me along with the weak dimples peeking out of his cheeks aged with lines, suddenly i feel not so great.

“u-uh can i help you with something, sir? i’m sorry, but nobody’s allowed in here without harry already-,” i begin, looking over his combed back thinning hair and broad-set frame.

“i got it, becks,” a voice says quickly, and when i turn my head, harry’s slipping into the room with his hard eyes set on the stranger standing in front of the both of us.

his emerald’s a different body of water from the man’s before us fall to me and i see something in his face that i don’t like. “are you sure?” i say quietly to him.

he nods his head and gives me a small smile, but i don’t know how much i believe it. “‘m sure, love, jus’ gimme a mo’ with him, alright?” he replies, patting my arm with his hand, and i don’t know why or how or what, but i catch his hand when it falls from me. it’s almost awkward and i don’t know what i’m doing or what my little half hatched plan is, but i hold it for a moment along with his gaze and last ditch murmur of his name. “’s fine, becks, promise. why dontcha go take yer break now, yeah?” he continues, giving me another reassuring smile that i don’t know if i can handle or accept, or whatever.

“ok,” i say, dropping his hand but not before i give it a little squeeze, one that he returns warmly. “let me know if you need anything.”

“will do,” he replies, before i turn away and head for the door, holding the image of his off smile and his whole off look in my mind. and the other thing sitting on his face that i don’t think i’ve ever seen before. nerves.

the door opens swiftly with a click, and as my back is to harry and the odd old guy, i hear the beginning of his brash voice. the voice of the other harry. “what, ya not know how t’ work a phone or sumthin’, can ya not gimme a quick ring befo’ ya jus’ swing by wheneva ya bloody like? i have a job ya know - people i represent an’ stuff i gott’ do, meetings i hafta go t’ an-“

“i bleedin’ built this place, ya not rememba that or sumthin’ . .” the stranger booms back in the same accent identical to harry’s, giving me a jump and making this whole thing even weirder. and with that, making me even more confused.

i blink hard before opening my eyes as the last bit of harry’s cold words spat at the stranger melt away from my ears with the distance i put between us, but i catch deep shouts and a raspy one in return. one i know all too well. and it hits me in the gut. because for some odd fucking reason, i want to spin around and stomp back over to his door and do i don’t know, something to get it to stop. to get the man to go away, a man i have a bad feeling about i know that already, and so i can wipe that scared nervous feeling from harry and make it all better.

but i know i shouldn’t and all of things, i know that i can’t. it’s not like that, and with a sad thought, i think it probably will never be like that. with another click, i step inside the break room and pop open the fridge, wishing the can of soda was something else. something still fizzy, but heavy to the taste and not sweet. something a happy medium like my favorite wine coolers, which only sends me into another dark thought about the man i just left. the man i care too fricken much about. fucking shit.

+

i knock the back of my middle knuckle against the screen of the kiosk, tapping hard at my numbers before pushing open the door to get back to work. i drop the black file i never actually put in harry’s hand on the last rack of the new little black file rack on my desk. i plop back down onto my chair, hearing a squeak i roll my eyes at. but my ass hardly hits the stiff chair when i hear shouting from far away and then a door slam, and when i think i recognize one of the voices, i fly out of that seat.

almost running, i bolt over to harry’s hallway in time to have the burly pissed old guy nearly charging past me. he gives me a dirty look that immediately reminds me too much of harry’s for some odd reason, before he rounds the corner and stomps away. with a gulp, my feet move again from being still and i carefully tread down to harry’s door. for what feels like the hundredth time, i hesitate when i reach my hand out to wrap around the door, but this time a feeling burns in my gut that i should and that i need to do this.

and with that, i turn the handle slowly even though an urgency pricks at my skin to turn it faster and harder, and everything else. i spot him almost instantaneously. back to me. shoulders taut and then shaking. little sad sounds carrying across the room from him.

i don’t know what to do. my body is rigid, every single fricken part of it. and so when i try to move my legs- hell just a muscle, i can’t. the fear immobilizes me. it restricts me as the pained sounds of what can only be his crying pricks at my ears, like the sharp end of little pins poking your skin, one by one, getting worse and worse. a breath is stuck in my lungs, not going anywhere along with the rest of me. and it only makes this worse, when i didn’t think that was an option.

all of a sudden the sniffles and the hoarse throaty sounds cease altogether, and i see his shoulders twitch. then a hand run through his impeccable curls that were messy for only a second, if that. all of a sudden he turns around and as if the sight of his red rimmed glassy eyes devoid of a care but riddled with emotion weren’t enough to send my mental self crashing to the ground, the look on his face when he sees me standing there with a foot out the door and the other in kills me altogether.

a syllable begins on his tongue i see. maybe my name. it pains me to even think it, but maybe another cry. or something possibly worse if that could happen: the beginning of a yell. the second one returns with a kick as i watch his eyes fill with tears again before he looks away with a knuckle to his eyes.

“i-i’m sorry, i don’t mean to barge in-,” i begin, but it all comes out wrong, and nothing right. it’s a mess, just like me. and well him, too. i don’t know what he’s thinking or doing, as his head is bent down looking at something on his desk, probably just finding something to do to occupy the embarrassment and the awkwardness that is all me. all fucking me. but i can’t blame him. because hell, i wouldn’t know what to do if he found me crying, well again. “harry,” is all that feels right and as i watch him poke his finger at a mini yellow legal pad with his gorgeous scrawling on it, a sob stutters in his throat. and i’m fucking gone.

within a blink or two, i’m standing in front of him. unsure of what to do. reach out, or go away. his adam’s apple bobs with a gulp before he lifts his chin slowly to look at me, and kill me with that defeated drowned look that makes me feel all sorts of horrible. for him. all for him. and because of what the fuck can i do?

but it’s more like what can’t i when i tug on his sleeve to bring him over to me until he’s close enough to wrap my arms around. that’s too late though, because his are already going around me and by the time i get mine around him, his face is bent into my neck with his hot tears melting into it. as he melts into me with throaty sobs leaving his lips.

i don’t know what to do, or what to say for that matter. i don’t even realize i’m doing it, or hell that i’m doing anything when i find my fingers lost in his hair combing through the end of his crazy curls, and drifting down to the long expanse of his back i rub in circles. through the easy silk of his shirt, i feel his taut strong back as it shakes with each hoarse cry and rises with a rattly breath that tickles against my now damp neck. we stand there for the next ten minutes, his head glued to my shoulder and my arms surrounding him and not moving an inch no matter how tired they get. but i hold onto him tight, my neck slick with tears and his breaths loud and hiccupy.

with every hiccupy cry that falls from his lips, my arms wrap around him a little tighter and my hands rub a little harder.

[lesbianbruabba]

All of the questions 😈

Jokes on you bitch I have time since I’m waiting for drag race to air but oh my god this is gonna be long so i’ll pull an Iza and put it under a read more 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I don’t know

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Shy, even though I don’t feel like I am, people tell me I’m shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

My brother when he comes here oh my god. I miss him. I’m going to make him watch a couple crazy music videos and possibly scar him. 

@lettiehigh and @akakuro4869-blog and @rippling-waves when I get back to Hong Kong and Tiff and Bella and Karl and Ellie and Miss R and everyone else

@samrull and Lettie again and maybe @lecafenoirx if I go to Bristol in September to see flor

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I’d say so! Unless you give me a reason to dislike you lol

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Probably but that’s a stupid question since I don’t drink :)

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Kind people. Usually more on the feminine side? Even the more muscular guys that I thirst after have a few feminine traits like a higher-pitched voice.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Nope, I’m going back to Hong Kong so there’s even less chance of me being in a relationship lol

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Ryan Ross [insert tongue emoji]

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Nope. I’m usually way too open, quite a few of my friends are this way too. Literally one time my brother and I shared a hotel room and the first thing he said when my folks were out of earshot is complaining how he can’t jack off for a whole week (I asked him why he couldn’t do it in the shower, he said it was too much effort to do so standing up XD)

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Kasia or Iza about body image? define deep

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Call him or dump his useless ass?” to Lettie

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Victorious by P!atD, Dodie Clark’s cover of Somebody Else by the 1975, I Need My Girl by the National, Pożyczony by Sylwia Grzeszczak and Honey by Kehlani

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Yeah! People at school used to love braiding my hair because it was so long. And I like playing with people’s hair, because I can French braid on others but I can’t do it with myself :/

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Sometimes?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I’ll say last summer since it’s not quite summer yet now. Well, I was accepted into Edi, got a 38 on the IBDP which is not too bad, and celebrated my birthday with my squad (rip)

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Yep :)

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I fkin hope not 

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

My first actual crush or like, elementary school crush? But no on both counts

19. Do you like bubble baths?

I’ve never had one :/ I’ve never had a ~bath~ tbh. I want to try in the summer because home in Hong Kong has a bathtub. 

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I like my flatmates here, we like the same kind of porn and vines. I don’t know my neighbors well enough back home

21. What are you bad habits?

I trust too easily, I am intelligent but lazy when it comes to schoolwork (I procrastinate), I worry way too fucking much about everything, I have crushes on people that I should NOT have crushes on sometimes (see: gay men)

22. Where would you like to travel?

I answered this a while back I think but as far as I could remember it’s a lot of european places - Oslo, Aarhus (I’m going to Copenhagen!!), Moscow, Tallinn, Berlin, Lublin, Warsaw, Kraków, Gdańsk, Lyon, Lisbon, Prague, honestly just count in every capital haha. I’m not good at geography. Also, Tasmania, Tokyo, Osaka (I’ve been twice but it’s. So good), London, Glasgow are all places I’d go again. 

23. Do you have trust issues?

With my mum yeah lmao

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Talking to my friends (basically everyone I’ve tagged up there I don’t have many friends lmao)

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My thighs because they’re heavily scarred, my tummy because fat, double chin, face because weirdly big lips and weird shape and small eyes, honestly most of my body if I’m being honest, when I’m not corseted. 

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Go through tumblr, twitter, instagram, kik, snapchat, emails, facebook, usually in that order. And then maybe scroll a bit more through tumblr and drag myself awake. Brush teeth and drink juice for breakfast. 

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

My skin tone is fine. I’m kinda pale for a Chinese girl (according to others, but my skin’s gotten darker in recent years) so I sometimes have to use white people products. I only lighten my skin for doing goth-y makeup so in those instances i’d love to have lighter skin. (then again, I’m talking like...wallpaper white if possible pls)

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My friends and my brother. 

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

What exes lmao

30. Do you ever want to get married?

If it’s with the right person yeah. 

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

My hair is long enough for several pony tails

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Men - Jawn and Ryan Ross

Women - Stephanie Beatriz and Lynn Gunn

33. Spell your name with your chin

 cbhreusftjd

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Exactly - what sports?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

Without TV. I can’t live without music. 

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Would’ve said yes up to this morning haha

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

So, do you know what a furry is?

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Emo, responsible, kind, good sense of humor, understanding, appreciates Ryan Ross, doesn’t mind me checking my phone a lot [insert date in Hong Kong meme]

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Damaged Society for band merch, Ann Summers for lingerie, various taobao shops for lolita fashion, Restyle for corsets

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Study linguistics at university. Hey! I’m doing that!

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

No but most people do

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I don’t feel like talking/I’m depressed/I’m thinking

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Not like randomly?...

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

NEITHER I LIKE BEING SAFE OH MY GOD

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Brushing my teeth or needing to pee?

46. What are you paranoid about?

I’m paranoid that I won’t graduate uni, about not being able to find a job that I will be happy at (doesn’t have to be a dream job but I don’t want to work at something I hate like a factory), I’m paranoid that no one will ever love me esp. romantically, that my family will never accept me as a bisexual woman, that I won’t be able to migrate to the UK before I’m 30 or worse before China takes back Hong Kong in 2047 and I will be trapped in hellish censorship conservative society, that depression and anxiety will drive me to off myself before any of that could even happen

47. Have you ever been high?

Noooooooooo don’t do drugs :( I say, even though I am friends with a drug dealer lol

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Nope, alcohol tastes gross

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Recently no. But like when I was a kid yeah

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Pink!

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Every day :/

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I want to weigh 80lbs. It’s been this stupid ‘goal’ throughout teenagehood and I know it’s stupid and unhealthy but I really want to. I don’t care if I won’t have boobs. 

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Maybelline has good concealer

54. Favourite store?

Damaged Society

55. Favourite blog?

Can’t make me pick between these two 

56. Favourite colour?

Pink

57. Favourite food? 

Tiramisu and also siu mai but only the fish ones because they taste like garlic and also calbee chips, british junk food is garbage compared to the stuff we have in hong kong (they’ve got good sweets here though)

58. Last thing you ate?

Spaghetti carbonara

59. First thing you ate this morning?

I didn’t eat today till dinner which was spaghetti carbonara

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

I got first runner up in a nationwide comp for poetry. I wrote a depressing poem that ended up with my English teacher sending a concerned email to my folks lol

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

*gasp* I am a good student

62. Been arrested? For what?

Oh my god. I’m a good girl. I’m not with that kinda shit

63. Ever been in love? 

I have fallen in love but not like...reciprocated love, no

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Ooh this is fun. He offered to be my first kiss and I said sure and we made out and it was nice and less scary than I thought but I forgot to close my eyes

65. Are you hungry right now?

No I had too much spaghetti :(((((

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

are you calling my tumblr friends fake

But no I love them all. Also given that half of my irl friends are on tumblr idk what to say lmao

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr is the MOST SUPERIOR SOCIAL MEDIA BECAUSE IT IS TRASH

69. Are you watching tv right now?

We’d need a TV license for that. and a TV. so no

I’ve got netflix

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Lettie, Chloe, Iza, Natalie, Daniel (my brother), Karl, Bella (but she’s mad at me so idk), there’s a couple of people who I consider close friends but idk if they’re okay with me calling them my best friends

71. Craving something? What?

A GETAWAY FROM THE SMOOTH TALK THAT’S KEEPING ME GROUNDED  TO THE CARPET IN MY ROOM MY QUIET BLUE TOMB OF YOU

72. What colour are your towels?

Both purple why

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One. Or zero if I kick it to the floor by accident. I mostly hug it.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

No :(

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

zero. I have a stuffed L Lawliet from Death Note though. It’s a present for my mum when I get home. I’ve also got a few stuffies back home courtesy of Lettie and Bella

75. Favourite animal?

Humans but I like dogs and cats and rats are kinda cute too?

76. What colour is your underwear?

Right now it’s white but I’ve got beige and grey ones I’m kinda boring

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Coffee

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

White, my waterparks shirt :)

80. What colour pants?

Blue denim shorts

81. Favourite tv show?

Drag race, b99, the good place, parks and rec, ASOUE

82. Favourite movie?

Dzien Swira it’s funny and depressing

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean girls but i’ve not seen the second one

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean girls, idk what the other one is

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

The nice girl

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk...the blue fish? Ellen Degeneres? 

87. First person you talked to today?

Iza

88. Last person you talked to today?

Kasia

89. Name a person you hate?

Uhhhhhhhm Doanld Trump?

90. Name a person you love?

My brother he’s so smart and creative and sweet and makes the worst puns and he loves fall out boy and tries to be an edgelord and it’s super adorable so that’s great 

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

My feelings bc they dumb

92. In a fight with someone?

Kiiiiiiiinda? More like she’s mad at me and idk what to do about it because i refuse to go to fucking london with her because international plane tickets are expensive as heck and she wants me to go in the middle of summer when i’m home

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

easy, 0

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

A Lot. Like 10. 

95. Last movie you watched?

Dzien Swira

96. Favourite actress?

Sara Canning and Stephanie Beatriz make me v gay

97. Favourite actor?

Neil Patrick Harris because Count Olaf

98. Do you tan a lot?

No lmao

99. Have any pets?

m-my brother...?

100. How are you feeling?

Impatient because drag race hasn’t aired yet. Lonely because my favorite flatmate moved out and there’s no one to chat with me at 3am anymore. Frustrated because my crush-y feelings are being dumb. Sad because my mum is kiiiiiiiiiiiinda homophobic and I imagine myself getting married to a woman not a man (it’s more likely) so :/

101. Do you type fast?

68 WPM? Is that fast?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

I regret a lot of things. But it’s okay I’ve not turned out too bad overall considering. I’m also glad I did a lot of things, so

103. Can you spell well?

I think so yeah

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yes absolutely in particular one person because sometimes I regret things that I did with good intentions and never stop regretting :/

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

I’ve been to a campfire so kinda??

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Nah

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes!! When I was a kid

108. What should you be doing?

It’s 1am so prolly sleeping but who has time for that amirite

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Yeah my mum. And my feelings

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yes lmaoooooo don’t read me like this

111. Do you have trust issues?

This was a question up there. Why is it asked again. You’re making me have trust issues

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Ooh shit I don’t know I haven’t cried in front of people for a while mostly because I shut myself in my room but prolly my brother or my mum back home 

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Never had one (that I liked)

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

~that’s not a thing~ uwu

115. Do you play the Wii?

No my mum is against video games

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Yes I’m listening to Dear Uber Driver

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Never had it

118. Do you like Chinese food?

I like dim sum and egg tarts and a lot of HK street food so yes? 

119. Favourite book?

Suck Less by Willam

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Sometimes, but at other times it’s oddly comforting

121. Are you mean?

:o I am the least mean person to exist 

122. Is cheating ever okay?

No unless it’s in NTAL but even then it’s like hmmmm is it tho

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Lol no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

I think it’s possible but unlikely

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yeah I’d like to

126. Are you currently bored?

No because this is keeping me entertained until I can watch drag race

127. What makes you happy?

Talking to my friends, sending them dumb tumblr shitposts, sending my brother disturbing gifs, getting weird gifs from Chloe, thirsting over Jawn with Iza, hearing that my friends are happy, reading and sharing poetry with friends, listening to music, playing the ukulele, eating junk food and watching b99, answering tumblr asks, writing poetry, drawing

128. Would you change your name?

I don’t like Christie so yes. Would change my Chinese name too it’s too annoying to write. 

129. What your zodiac sign?

Leo//rabbit

130. Do you like subway?

No :(

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Brenda, he’s gay. Very very very gay, think a 6 on the kinsey scale

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Again. this has been asked. What kinda unprofessionalism

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

I think with my heart and love with my head

134. Can you count to one million?

I mean...in theory yes but why would I do that 

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I told my mum I was striaght lmao

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed. What the fuck

137. How tall are you?

5′2

138. Curly or Straight hair?

I have straight hair, I want wavy hair. Or bangs. 

139. Brunette or Blonde?

I have black hair. I tend to have blondes/general bright hair as a ‘type’ when it comes to romantic affection/crushes but it’s also not v accurate

also, I want pink hair. I had a dream where my brother loved MANIA so much he dyed his hair purple

140. Summer or Winter?

WINTER. BUT WITHOUT SNOW. Summer brings out my skin problems so I have a v valid reason to hate it. Also I’m fat so my thigh chafe in summer if I walk more than an hour

141. Night or Day?

I am usually, unfortuantely, only awake at night and like maybe late afternoon. 

142. Favourite month?

I don’t have one. December I guess bc it’s acceptable to play christmas music. or June bc pride month

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope. I don’t love meat though. 

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Milk. With sea salt and caramel. I’m a classy hoe

145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee. Either iced americano or some sweet frappe shit

146. Was today a good day?

Today was a very good day. I told my crush I liked her, slept away most of the day, watched a lot of brooklyn nine-nine and listened to Dodie while doing German and Polish on duolingo and I read Chloe’s poetry and it was very good. Link here. And Kasia gave me lots of good song recs. And drag race is up soon (it’s technically tomorrow but whatever). 

147. Mars or Snickers?

I can’t pick because Snickers has such a great texture, but also mars bars has the perfect nougat to caramel to chocolate ratio? Probably mars wins out by a bit

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“Hewwo” - Aquaria, RuPaul’s Drag Race

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

I’d like to think souls can see what we’re doing after they pass away.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“Adjective opposites and their comparatives” from a Polish grammar book.

Thank you for this long ass ask 

drag race still hasn’t fucking aired so i’m gonna watch more b99 and drink fanta