#honest attempt at quality voice acting.

[dankovskaya]

Why is Maria talking like that dawg

[slasherscream]

the absolute INSANITY of the pushing your s/o away thing with the crazy ass boy gang… it’s like triggering a dog’s prey drive but for serial killers w abandonment issues

CRAZY ASS BOYS GANG + PUSHING THEIR HAND AWAY/REJECTING AFFECTION

❥ who gets pissed the fuck off ❥

Billy Loomis - Is irritated off rip. Billy plays it cool but he needs physical affection from you. He’s casual about it so he flies under the radar, but this is a stage five clinger. He’s always doing something small. Touching your fingers. A hand on your back. Neck. Sitting behind you instead of putting you directly in his lap. It’s little stuff. Hovering. Smack his hand away one of these times and his jaw clenches right away. “What the hell is your problem?” Please snuggle up to him and don’t start world war 3. It’s not worth the joke. 

Kevin Khatchadourian - Quick question, why do this to yourself? Kevin does not need, nor does he particularly enjoy, physical contact. Period. He is gracious enough to give you physical contact because he knows you’re built different (pathetic). For you to then turn around and spit in the face of him being kind enough to meet your needs? …. Quite crazy of you. The look he gives you is pure confusion because he’s honest to God baffled. What do you want to accomplish here? Go ahead and start begging now, because he’s not touching you for a long while. 

Sparrow!Ben Hargreeves - Swings wildly between damn near dodging any physical affection you attempt to give him to hanging off you like a squid on a ship. No in-between. For you to have the audacity to reject him when he’s feeling clingy? How dare you. He doesn’t have to beg anyone for attention! Did you forget who you’re dating? Doesn’t even care if you did it with obvious playfulness. He’s sensitive. He’s tender. He’s a bitch. He goes to get up and leave entirely and you have to grab him and beg him to cuddle so this doesn’t become a week long cold war. Happy ego stroking! 

Stu Macher - What you’re not about to do is ruin his mood. Baby, he’s about to ruin yours. How about that? If you push his hands off you once he enjoys a little playful bitchiness. Playing hard to get. He likes to chase, it’s cool. Twice? Okay…. We’re irritating him. Three times? He’s gonna grab your hand, stop smiling, and stare at you. When he places his hand back where it belongs, on your thigh, don’t act up again. He could make your whole week go to shit. Don’t start wars you won’t win. He’s the king of playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes. 

Nathan Prescott - Has to bluster and get visibly pissed off because he is rejection sensitive to a degree that is astounding, frankly. Let you see him upset after he tried to be affectionate and you said no? Hah! Not fucking likely. Being physically affectionate in the first place doesn’t come easy to him. Quality time is more his speed. Even worse if it wasn’t a sexual advance he was making. He tried to wrap an arm around you and you shrug him off? You’ll be lucky to get a hello out of him for the next week. Good luck soldier.

David Mccall - Outwardly, he pretends to be despondent and sheepish when you bat his hand away. He’s using sadness as a shield. If he’s sad then you might feel bad and give in. He’ll use any tool in his arsenal to get his way. One of his greatest skills is speaking in a soft voice, just shy of how you’d speak to a toddler, and telling you: “I didn’t mean to upset you, sweetheart. I’m sorry.” This is all to hide the fact that you rejecting him in any way, shape, or form makes him so angry he can barely think. You might be able to catch the rage hidden behind the veil. If you’re quick enough. David puts on a convincing show, but his gentle smile is twitching at the edges.

❥ who gets sad and mopey ❥

Jordan Li - Oh you pushed them away? No, that’s cool, it’s totally fine. You can want space. Everyone’s entitled to their own space bubble. Of course. Are you having a bad day? Are you mad at them? Did they do something wrong? Did they piss you off? These are the types of questions Jordan is going to “casually” ask for the next ten minutes while they sit really close to you. They’re not touching you! They always sit with their legs spread so wide. Their arm isn’t around you, it’s on the back of the couch. You’re nitpicking here, babe. They’re staring at you with their big brown eyes. No, they didn’t get any closer while you weren’t looking. 

Josh Washington - Why would you do this to him? Don’t push his hand off you unless you mean it or you’re being obviously playful about it. If you pretend to be mad at him while you do it, no matter how unconvincing of an actor you are, he will believe you. Sensitive king. He also won’t go to touch you again until you initiate the contact. Physical touch is reassuring and comforting to him but even he (category five clinger) gets touch aversion at times. As observant as he is, he knows some people are uncomfortable asserting their boundaries, so they’ll try to soften the blow of saying no by being “playful”. He cannot take the risk! You could mean it but don’t want to hurt his feelings. Josh interprets many playful no’s as real ones. Better safe than sorry.

❥ secret third worse thing ❥

Sebastian Valmont - Doesn’t take it for anything more than what it is. If you’re being playful he recognizes it. If you’re seriously not wanting to be touched at any given moment he understands that as well. However, in the case of being playful, you’ve started a war you can’t win. Because, as much as Sebastian enjoys chasing you…  Sebastian also likes to be chased. Ten minutes from now you’ll go to give Sebastian’s cheek a kiss and he’s going to dodge you. Hard. To such an extent it’s bordering on insult. He’ll be wearing a cat that got the canary grin all the while. 

Jason Dean/JD - Doesn’t take you seriously even if you are dead serious. I’m sorry, you’ve discovered his worst character trait by far. Most boundaries are a joke to him. He always wants to touch you. He loves you! He craves you like a drug. You should feel the same for him, in equal measure and desperation. So why wouldn’t you want him touching you? Holding you close. He’s so gentle with you (usually). His arms should feel like home. No matter how long a day you’ve had. No matter how overwhelmed you might be with sound, sight, touch. In JD’s eyes you’re one soul in two bodies. He always wants you near. He knows you want the same. You’re just a little dramatic sometimes.

[chiliyue-archived]

Reflection

includes; dazai

tags; you are referred to as girl. I wrote this in 20 mins after the audacity that is chapter 109.

[bsd M.list] ♡

-

" look in the mirror and tell me who's my pretty girl." dazai hums, limbs wrapping around you and securing you flush against his chest. the bathroom felt terribly tiny in accommodating the pair of you, and his arms easily caged you in against the ceramic of the sink.

" don't wanna."

" i'm not going let you leave this bathroom until you do, 'bella." he grins reassuringly. " who's my pretty girl, hm?"

you could catch dazai's visage from the mirror's reflection; his body was practically sagging against you, chin propped on the crown of your head and eyes going aglow from the position. a complacent grin took hold of his features as he mindlessly flexed his fingers against your palms.

your attempts at cowering were futile as a pair of lanky fingers meticulously tilt your head back at the of furniture. you wanted to frown at his persistence. but it felt impossible to do so when dazai beams an oh so honest smile with love hearts where his irises should be. it easily made your chest turn into knots, adding empathsis to the radiating body heat that tickled along your spine.

" i don't think it's true." you squirm against his embrace, attempting to avoid his gaze. at the very least, the rubbing of bandaged arms at your sides exuded a form of comfort, providing a brief lapse at the vulnerability you found yourself in. and despite his unwavering commitment to the task at hand, the burnette remained patient, giving your sides reassuring shapes.

" don't be ridiculous, love," he chides gently. his words were coordinated as he shifts to card his fingers through your hair. he makes sure to give your scalp proper attention now and then as the digits meander around your head. " of course it's true."

his grin reduces to a frown when you reply with silence and he doesn't fail to take note of the way you became fidgety with your sleeves.

"c'mere." he moves your head to the side as he peppers kisses along your face. each one diffuses a form of comfort that eroded your walls and left you pilant to his ministrations.

he starts with your temples before tracing down with gravity to meet the edge of your chin, and you could feel him smile when you meekly whine in protest. if anything, your reply earned you a dozen more on your cheek alone and a stolen glance of fluttering eyelashes that pleaded with you silently.

" can't." your words were cut off as more saccharine kisses met the apples of your cheeks, outlining the counters of your face with renew interest.

" ah ah ah, that's not what i'm looking for." he grins, and his words reverbated against your cheek coaxing a giggle from you. the sound reaches his ears like soft bells, resonating and echoing a mantra within the tendrils of his mind.

after an interlude of plastering sloppy pecks around your face, you gave in with a pout. " okay okay. stop before before i change my mind," you giggle, frown dissipating as he places a final kiss to your lips proper. he swore his heart went aflutter when you shyly reciprocate a tiny smile in reponse.

" who's the pretty girl?" he meets your gaze through the mirror's reflections, a twitch pulling on his lips waiting and eager.

" …i'm you're the pretty girl," you mutter reluctantly, choosing to ignore the rush of blood to your face. the reaction only acted to accentuate the stirring that became pronounced within dazai's chest cavity, removing the barren quality he had come to know for so long.

wordlessly, his hands maneuvered to meet yours, twining together and offering a tight squeeze. his eyes stilled on the adjoin limbs before flickering back to your countenance. his gaze lingers even as you rest your head against his shoulder, the tip of his nose grazing your temples.

" a little louder, darling. i'm afraid i didn't hear it the first time." his voice took on a teasing trait, hot breath prickling your cheek in a show of mirth but his eyes betrayed a form of fondness that seeped into his antics.

dazai's coy smile widens at the glare you sent him, and he resists the temptation to chuckle when you playfully nudge him against the shoulder. "yes you did." you huff out in feign annoyance. "now you're just being selfish."

" i've always been selfish, 'bella, don't act so surprised."

" at least be better at faking it."

he takes pride in the way your grin doesn't falter even as the words leave you; pretty dimples gracing both sides of your face that captivate his attention. the sight fills him with an urgency to place kisses upon the areas; however, he can settle with this for now.

"no takebacks. okay?" you felt something press along your forehead, lips moving to recite his words. in the mirror's reflection, you catch the way he fixates an affectionate expression, departing you with a wave of honesty. " you're my pretty girl," he pokes at your cheek with his thumb. " don't doubt that."

-

I want to cry. this is probably the worst thing I've ever written but the emotions are going. dazai is okay, ik because he told me himself. chapter 109 isn't real, u r delulu

taglist; @eynnwwyjth @anqelically @seisitive @iheartpieck @seiiblue @averagebsdwatcher @solandiss @4nthonyyliving

be added or removed here !

[ninchen1909]

Jealousy I

 Hey,

this ist he first time I’m wirting for Erling Haaland or any football player, so here goes nothing. Also English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for possible mistakes.

Have a great day!

 Pairing: Erling Haaland x reader

Warnings: Cursing, accused cheating

Word Count: ~1.400

  Angrily, you slam the front door behind you and look at your boyfriend's broadly built back in front of you.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"What do you mean? I don't have a problem."

Nonchalantly, he shrugs before making his way to the kitchen, leaving you standing in the hallway. Stunned, you throw your hands in the air before following him with quick steps. The evening actually started out quite nicely, you were out to dinner with Erling and a few of his former teammates from Borussia Dortmund, all of you were having a good time, laughing, talking, joking. Just spending quality time with people close to you. But the further the evening progressed, the more dismissive Erling became and on the drive home he literally nipped every attempt of yours to start a conversation in the bud.

To each of your questions, he only answers with a curt "I don’t know.”

Every time you try to touch him, he moves his body further away from you and dedicates his attention to someone else.

  When you arrive in the kitchen, you watch as your giant of a boyfriend grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and lets the door slam shut loudly shortly after.

"Oh so you don't have a problem! Then why aren't you talking to me? I mean you're not even really looking at me."

"I am talking to you"

Erling takes a big gulp from his water bottle while looking at you demonstratively. An annoyed sigh escapes you.

"Yes passive-aggressive."

He just rolls his eyes at you comment.

"Just leave it alone, (y/n).

With these words he pushes past you, a few seconds later you can already hear the voices from the television. Anger and despair rise in you, as you take in his behavior.  Again and again you go over the events of the evening, hoping to find anything that could explain the way he’s acting now, but you can't think of anything that could be the trigger for his sudden change of heart. Angrily, you enter the living room and build yourself up in front of the TV screen, trying to get your his attention at all.

The latter lies on the couch and watches you with raised eyebrows.

"Erling, tell me what the hell is going on now. What did I do to make you so dismissive of me now?"

Your arms cross in front of your chest and you look at your lover with a pleading look. You really didn't think the evening would end like this. Erling straightens up on the sofa and gets himself into a sitting position.

"(y/n)...for the last time it's nothing."

"Are all Norwegians this stubborn or are you the exception? Tell me what the hell is going on now, because there is something going on, that’s for sure. But I can't change anything if I don't know why you're in such a mood..."

Slowly but surely, anger leaves you and despair takes over. You just want to put the argument behind you and then snuggle up on the sofa with your usually gentle and accommodating boyfriend, while watching an episode of your new favourite show. With slow steps you walk up to him and taking a sit next to his massive form.  You reach over to him, only to connect your hand with his, tenderly letting your thumb slide across the back of his hand.

"So please be honest with me, we need to talk about it and not just keep silent."

For a few seconds, he just looks you in the face, his otherwise warm blue eyes, now look at you with a harshness and coldness that you have never seen before in them.

"It's really sad that I really have to tell you the reason."

With a jerk, he withdraws his hand from you and puts as much distance as possible between you. He must have read the aberration about his words in your face, for a contemptuous snort leaves your lips.

"Oh come on (y/n), don't act stupid now. You know, other women at least have the decency not to flirt with other guys in front of their boyfriend, but you don't seem to care. But it seemed like Jude enjoyed it too..."

Stunned, you interrupt him.

"I have what now?"

"Oh come on, everyone saw you and Jude flirting with each other."

"Ok, now you seem to be completely crazy Haaland. I talked to Jude because I happen to think he's really nice and funny. I certainly didn't flirt with him, why should I flirt with other men at all, I have you?!"

Apparently uninterested, he shrugs his shoulders.

"Maybe one man isn't enough for you, I don’t know."

His words hit you hard and the tears you've been trying to hold back all this time start to make their way down your cheeks. Whether out of anger at him or out of sadness because of his accusation, you can't really tell yourself. As calmly as you can, you get up from the coach before looking him dead  in the eye. When he notices your tears, the tenderness you usually know from him returns in his eyes, but you don’t care about that in the moment. The pain over his words is far too deep.

"You're an asshole Haaland, do you know that? When in our entire relationship have I ever made you feel like you couldn't trust me, huh? All the time..."

You notice how he wants to say something, but you prevent him from doing so.

"Let me fucking speak first."

Suddenly, he closes his mouth and sinks back a little further into the sofa cushions, you acknowledge that he now regrets his words. But you can't tolerate him thinking about you like that, at that moment you just can't and won't give in.

"All the time when you're away, whether it's because of  Champions League, away games or training camps. I was always at home waiting for you. I supported you at every game, whether in the stadium or at home in front of the TV. I left my life at home just so I could move to England with you. And now you're sitting here accusing me of having an affair with one of your best friends just because I get along well with him? You are truly incredible."

"(y/n).. Baby.. I’m sor..."

"Don't say you're sorry, the accusation against me really hurts and I really don't want to hear an apology from you right now."

The air in the room is oppressive and you have the feeling that you can't get enough air for a short moment.

"I need some fresh air..."

You quickly grab your shoes and jacket to put them on, heavy footsteps approach the hallway you are in.

"Babe please stay here, it's already dark, if you need distance I understand that, I'll go, but please stay in the house."

You shake your head abruptly.

"No, I need some fresh air, it's all too much for me right now, I have my phone with me. I love you, but right now I need some distance."

No matter how angry you are with him at the moment, at the very beginning of your relationship, you have made the agreement that you will never leave the house without these words, simply because you never know when you would hear it last.

"Darling, please..."

A sharp look from your side makes him fall silent instantly, he knows it's better not to interrupt you in your current mood. Which is why he admits defeat with a slight nod. You open the front door and let the cold air enter the entrance area of your house.

"Please stay close to the house and leave your cell on, please."

A quick nod is your only answer and just as you close the door you hear a soft, sad

"I love you, please be…" from Erling, but the last part of his words is already drowned out by the slamming door.

Lost in thought, you stroll along the well-lit sidewalks around your house. Again and again, the headlights of the passing cars dazzle you, which is why you stubbornly keep your gaze directed towards the ground. You stop in front of a zebra crossing and wait for the traffic light to symbolize that you can cross the street. 

After what feels like an eternity, you can cross the road, with a deep sigh you start to walk again. You are about halfway across the road, as the loud sound of a roaring engine enters your ears. Frightened, you raise your head to see, what the noise is all about, only to see two bright headlights moving towards you at you in a fast speed. Shortly thereafter, everything around you turns black and a soundless silence embraces you.

[insideliascrazyhead]

Random rewatch thoughts High & Low the worst episode 0

Episode 1

-we get it your in love now stop dramatically fighting in the rain and kiss!

-I love how they all fear they´ll loose Murayama but let´s be honest he´s more interested in riding Cobra than motorcycles.

-Jamuo reminds me of the road runner in that scenario just getting the fuck outta there and running like the rent is due

-Also Tsukasa my guy,i love you,but what the fuck are you wearing you look like the teddy bear mascot of a bowling alley.

-“You´re going to be eaten alive by them.“Yeah he said that with so much confidence he got flowers for the funeral already.I love how Tsukasa thinks of the Todoroki faction as if they´re some horror movies escaped monsters,let´s be honest that´s Yasushi´s job.

-Whole day stakes is one of the greatest things Oya came up with and i would´ve loved to know how the full timers would´ve reacted finding their little game.

-“I shouldn´t throw that chair...:“Murayama I love you but I have anger issues I would´ve yeeted that damn chair right out.

-poor Fujio and his bike.My man looks miserable and will smash that thing with a hammer at least at some point

-i love how the photos of Yasushi and Kiyoshi are so bad quality cause those grown men probably needed to sneak up on them with the motto we ain´t gonna go near those crazy bitches.

-Also in episode 0 Yasushi´s hair gives a lot more feral gremlin vibes and I love that.

Episode 2

-crazy to see a principle go in that hell hole without a bodyguard or bullet proof west

-love how Yasushi is a lazy prick who doesn´t wanna go upstairs and in the movies they´re chilling on the roof every fucking day.

-Fujio´s just vacationing and can´t shut up to save his life so it´s the usual

-Yasushi´s a drama queen who loves a great entrace as if he´s a supervillain.

-the look in Tsukasas face when he sees Yasushi is hilarious.You can see his hope for a „Oya normal“ kinda quiet time,dying.He rather have a serial killer sitting there then Yasushi.

-The two of them have a fruity past or are related with each other and like rival cousins (that´s real.I got like three of them I would be ready to throw hands with each one on sight.)

-Kiyoshi sometimes walks as if his nuts hurt man.

-Todoroki is the human equivalent of a chill pill

-I love Shibaman and Tsuji acting as bodyguarts even tho it´s not necessary at all.

-Seki is Murayama´s personal cheerleader and that´s so adorable

-Yasushi,Kiyoshi and Tsukasa are from the same area?Yeah the mental ward.

Episode 3

-It´s so crazy to hear Yasushi speak,in a normal voice,not scream

-Nobody can defeat Fujio,he´s wicked fast.Whatever.You mean the guy that´s the equivalent to a golden retriver puppy?

-Yasushi kicked this man so hard down the roof I thought there comes a cartoon explosion noise.Let´s be honest he throws hands like an inmate already might as well catch a charge for attempted murder too.

-The totally normal conversation between the homies:“You´re amazing!“„You know that?“„I know that.“Okay Yasu-Kiyo get married.Right now.Off you go.You´re nearly as bad as Fujio and Tsukasa.

-Also at this point Yasushi´s itching for a jail sentence.Sweetheart what is you doin?!That´s how you end on the 5 o´clock news as the bad guy!

-Tsukasa quitting after 2 minutes of stress without emotional support Fujio.Same

-Todoroki vs. Yasushi the battle of the drama queens extravagant

Episode 4

-Todoroki only gave them the leadership cause he needed a break to finish his book in peace

-Yasu-Kiyo.exe stopped working.Hit over the heads and try again.

-Kiyoshi you total sweethearted dumbass.No.Just no.That happens when your brain let´s your dick take over you sexually frustraded pastry head. -Poor Fujio.Someone wrap this man in a fluffy blanket and get the emergency Tsukasa.

-Where the fuck´s Yasushi when you need him anyways?!Like dude your future husband is getting stabbed.

-Crazy Bastards?Nah.Horny Bastards.Totally.

-It´s fun.Oya High is fun!Someone took a shit in this mans brain and forgot to flush! -And those poor other two.Just looking at each other like yeah we gotta tell Yasushi that man snapped like glowstick. -Why would you be popular with woman?Yasushi you´re jealousy is showing.Go meet up with Kizzy she can show you how to properly hiss at people for touching your man.

-flirting then hitting his stab wound?Damn.Not exactly what Kiyoshi hoped would happen.

-I love how Yasushi just doesn´t give a single flying fuck on a rolling donut that they all laugh at them.

-I love the Yasu-Kiyo faction but I swear someone dropped Yasushi as a kid and instead of babyfood there where energy drinks

Episode 5

-Murayama and Todorokis love hate relationship is kinda iconic

-I would say Cobra´s trademark isn´t that red scarf,it´s that this man is hella fine but go on my sweaty friends.

-Jamuo my little squirrel on acid,what in the ever loving shit are you doing?!It´s like wearing a steak around your neck and throwing yourself to the wolves den!

-That was a pimp/bitch slap right there!Proud of you my tiny guy!It was a mistake tho.

-Jamuo isn´t just Tsukasas fan he´s turning into a whole ventilator

-The lead pipe karma train!Started right here!Jamuo got attacked by Yasushi.Who then got attacked by Kidra.Then Shidaken made his head bleed again and got attacked by Saboten.All with pipes.

-Sleepy Lion!This is the cutest nickname ever cause I would´ve came up with Sleeping Pill Sloth.

-look at matured Murayama it´s adorable.Cobra would be so proud.

-i love how Nakagoshi is ready to fight his own guys when they cross the line that brutally

-We love a protective Tsukasa in this house.

-If Yasushi would´ve hit Jamuo with that pipe Tsukasa would´ve killed him

-Jamuo you need a hug and be wrapped in a blanket and you need a drink.A strong one.

-There we are again with the two love birds in the rain.

Episode 6

-Not gonna lie the Chun-Chun faction looks a lot like my stoner friends from High School.

-Tsukasa.Sugar.Sweetheart.My dude.You´re so in love with Fujio it physically hurts.

-How can you still look good after a fist fight in the rain and mud?!That´s plot armor on it´s finest.

-I love Nakaoka´s hair

-Nakagoshi is so happy to see him i love that!

-Is Yasushi seriously licking blood of his hand?That´s nasty.

-Housen!Yeay!

[aaand-read-all-over]

Windows: Notes on Prejudice and Consequences

A recurring theme that I think is found in Merlin is the use of windows as a symbol for watching the impacts of Magic and the prejudice against those who have it from a (seemingly) safe distance. As if the effects of persecution don't cut deeper than the purge it attempts.

1x01: Morgana turns her face away from the beheading of Thomas Collins in defiance and denial, as she watched from her window. While she has not yet accepted that she has Magic herself, she acts as a fiercely outspoken ally to those who were persecuted in the great purge. Morgana also turns her face away as she tries to deny her inherent qualities and avoid suffering the same fate.

Referenced in 1x04

“I can’t stand by and watch him die.” “Then don’t look.”

Arthur is recognizing the extent of his father’s elitism and rigid views, which enrages him and inspires him to defy Uther. 

Callback to Morgana turning her face from the window in S1E1 because she cannot bear to see Thomas Collins die.

Arthur and Morgana know that they cannot stop the horrible fates that await those who have Magic, and Morgana cannot bear to watch.

1x09 Morgana and Arthur speak at the window in half-light, as she begs Arthur not to fight the Black Knight. Morgana knows Arthur’s future is dire, but she can’t tell why she feels that way. Morgana has an innate ability to sense the dark Magic that revived Tristan's spirit.

The half-light represents the half of herself that Morgana has to hide not only from herself, but also from those she loves.

Merlin and Arthur look down through the window to where the Black Knight stands still, not eating or sleeping. There is no uncertainty that the Black Knight is conjured from Magic, and that the Magic is sure to kill whomever blocks its path.

2x07 Morgana watches the building of the Witchfinder's pyre outside her window. The punishment for sorcery has only increased in severity in the time that she started to accept her true nature. The glass of the window represents the final, fragile barrier between Morgana and the fate she would suffer if she were found out.

(Gwen is so afraid for Morgana to be found by Auredian because she is always and forever an ally.)

2x08 Arthur must convince himself that Magic has no place in Camelot and that he was wrong to think it ever could. As he stands at the window, half in darkness, he separates himself from Magic and can’t look Merlin in the eye. 

“I am indebted to you, Merlin. I had become...confused. It is once again clear to me that those who practice magic are evil and dangerous. And that is thanks to you.”

Arthur can sense that what he is saying is wrong, but Merlin does not usually lead him astray. Merlin has always been his voice of honest advice and earnest reason. If Merlin tells Arthur that Magic cannot be legal in Camelot, he has no choice but to believe him. Arthur is fighting his instincts to embrace what he knows is right and fair because of the judgments from those around him.

Arthur looks out the window, away from Merlin, looking down on and keeping himself carefully separated from the people he started to believe he should protect.

4x03 Merlin watches Uther’s vigil through the same window where Arthur declared all Magic was evil in S2E8. This time, Arthur joins Merlin at the window and suggests that they use Magic to save Uther’s life. 

If Magic can save Uther’s life, Arthur may change his attitude, and Merlin has real hope for the first time that he could be able to finally live freely.

Arthur would not confide this desire in any other person because he knows that Merlin holds no judgment toward others. 

“If you were me, and it was your father, would you use Magic to save his life?” Merlin’s answer is immediate and confident, giving Arthur all the resolve he needed.

The vulnerability and openness in Arthur’s face is as fragile and clear as the glass of the windows they stand by -- so delicate that Merlin is afraid to blink. If he blinks, Arthur's vulnerability might crumble. If he changes his mind, the opportunity might be lost forever.

5x11 Arthur stands at the window and contemplates if he should free Mordred and Kara, despite their Magic. This time, he claims it is his decision to make. 

Arthur stands on his own, and Merlin is proud of him for choosing to give Kara a chance to repent. Arthur chooses to pardon a person with Magic, so long as she repents for killing innocent men.

Kara refuses to apologize and seals her fate. 

“I’ve made a terrible mistake, haven’t I?”

Arthur sits at the window and recognizes his error. Arthur could be referencing any number of things. He may be regretting his decision to execute Kara, not making an exception for Mordred, or the lasting impacts of his lifelong position on Magic.

I maybe could expend on this a bit, as it is all very precariously pieced together at the moment. Feels like it should ultimately be more of an essay than a list of notes like this? idk lol

[blindrapture]

today is december 31st. I haven't really said much in a while. to be honest my december has been fairly unproductive, I haven't had anything to show. so instead I'll do something I've been meaning to do, I'll have a retrospective. let's look back on 2024!

in January, lindsay and I released the modern version of Ancestor, which is in some ways our attempt at the kind of 30-minute song an obscure black metal band would put out, where a lot of it is low-key and waiting. but that's only accurate looking at it the greater structure. Ancestor is both a piece and a suite of individual songs, and the individual songs have been polished and refined to a remarkable quality now. I also posted my Layers of Fear LP. I enjoyed my time with it, though in hindsight it's definitely not Bloober Team's best work.

in February, not much happened.

in March, I posted the only update this year, "Setting," to my story composition no. 8. this story has found its way back into my brain these last few days, as I think it manages to capture some very adult fears better than any of my other stories ever did. I also had the Luigi Dream. rediscovering this while going over this year's stuff was a trip.

in April, I posted the song "Red Sky Calm," a conceptual piece, an attempt at making pretend BGM for some of the calmer moods of Rapture. I think this was the first sign that I was about to bring Rapture back, and I spent the bulk of April writing the new act 2. bonus: during the rest of the year, I did put more work into "Red Sky Calm." here is the most recent version of it, never before posted.

I still do not consider this piece finished, but a structure is emerging that parallels the structure of Rapture in a way I hadn't considered before. though, in that sense, this song only represents the first three acts so far and finishes at the end of act 3.

in May, my inner fanboy was awoken by the release of Braid, the Anniversary Edition. I spent the entirety of May writing the new rapture act 2. and on May 21st, I began posting the Final Draft of OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING.

in June, I finished writing the new rapture act 2, and I spent this month posting rapture act 1.

in July, I posted the bulk of rapture act 2. I also did my partial Let's Play of the new indie horror game [ECHOSTASIS], and my full Let's Play of Pools. these gave a nice little bit of horror fun, I guess!

in August, I posted the end of rapture act 2, and then began my hiatus. I also played two hours of Super Mario 64 B3313. this one is surreal in a way I deeply appreciate, though my video footage of it kinda sucks.

in September, nothing much happened.

in October, Lindsay and I completed Railroad to Metropolis, a 20-minute horror story in nine movements. this was the first official Sunsetters release to feature actual human voices in it, and we're still extremely proud of it. it's some good refined midi rock. I also posted the weird piece "kruuuunk.mp3." a lot of people seemed to like this one. and to wrap the month up, I posted three new Let's Plays: the puzzle game Riven, the indie horror Mouthwashing, and the incredible Silent Hill 2 remake. that last one was the highlight for me, I absolutely adored my time with that game.

in November, I embraced my inner fanboy once more, as Swedish prog band Opeth released their newest album, The Last Will and Testament, and much to my surprise it was actually 100% exactly the album I'd always wanted. I also did a bunch of tier lists of the albums by bands I was a fan of.

in December, nothing much happened! though we did get this hot new photograph of me. ;)

so the second half of this year ended up being a lot of burnout, with me in full-on Recluse Mode. I don't really regret this; I just wish I could find a way to still create more, as I love getting to share my creations with people, I love having things to show. obviously the highlight of this year was OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING's grand return. that story means a lot to me, too much to leave abandoned. and I care about it enough to have managed to write 130,000 fucking words for it in a matter of two months.

will next year have more creative output? I dunno, maybe. it is my intention to produce and release Rapture's third act in 2025. ideally I'd like to do more than that, get us into act 4 as well? but this year's experience has given me the realistic expectation of being able to manage a single act. and a single act really isn't anything to be ashamed of. besides rapture, though? yes I would love to make more things in 2025. my other projects are swimming around in my brain, as always. I have Ideas, and I have come up with new Ideas during these last few months. just gotta... just gotta find the right work ethic.

but I would like to end this post by giving you another bonus, another thing that hasn't been released yet.

that's "Doctor and Performer," a track from the fifth Sunsetters album. this track is not done being edited and polished, but the form you see there is a substantial outline which is already kinda fucking mesmerizing. at only six minutes long, it feels weird to call it a "slow burn," but, it is! its highlights take time to emerge. if I had to tell you about the "concept" to this song, despite still being in an early form, well the title comes from Topography Genera, and I see it as reflecting a duality within the composition. the character being described here is both a doctor (with cold precise technical skill) and a performer (with a messy emotional drive). both elements are present in this piece.

Lindsay wrote the fundamental riffs at the first minute of this song some years back, and in 2024 I managed to do some editing magic on it. I wanted the structure of this piece to feel like an old Genesis song, kinda wandering into surprising new places.

so yeah there you go. now I can say I've posted something in December.

I'll see you in 2025, folks! probably on my birthday, the second of January!

happy new Fear!

[cbusch]

I have been planning on seeing this movie as soon as it was introduced to me, but there was two key films I was focused on (Joker: Folie a Deux and Venom: The Last) Normally, I never go to the theater more than twice a month because of money and stuff I really want to see. This movie, thought was an exception as I needed time to really let out a good cry and just be out of my day-to-day ritual. This movie did do the trick!

TW: Before going any further, there is going to be significant talk of cancer as that plays a huge role in this movie. If this is an uncomfortable subject, please refrain from anything I say regarding the subject regarding the movie. However, cancer isn’t always at the center of the movie.

Acting: I have to say that this was one of Garfield’s and Pugh’s best performances in my opinion. From start to finish, their chemistry is off the charts and I could feel the love that they had for each other. The subtle details like the eyes shifting up and away from each other whenever they are mad and arguing to the stuttering in Tobias’s voice (Garfield) when he is attempting to confess his love/marry her. BTW: gorgeous scene but won’t go further than that because you have to see it for yourself.

Characters: It didn’t feel like a movie, but rather two people and experiencing their lives together. Almut’s pain (Pugh) was shown throughout the movie as she is balancing a career, attempting to compete in the Bocuse d’Or an intense cooking competition. The pain is heartbreaking to see, but comforting to see that Almut is determined to beat the cancer as hard as she can so she can make something of herself that her daughter would be proud of. The way she might go about it in the intense focus but critical way can be overwhelming at times, but uncomfortable at times however it allowed me to see what the director at envisioned, that the stakes were high for Almut and Jade (cooking partner aka sous chef) and the competition setting. Outside of the cooking environment, we got to see her vulnerable side when Almut and Tobias are told that the chemotherapy isn’t working. We see for a moment about how all of her plans are falling apart, the way she looks down, holding back her tears shows how afraid she is having to go through this again. It’s devastating for her and people that have gone through this before, however, it does show the best in humanity as the nurse says to her “it’s okay not to be okay”. It’s painful to have to give this news to anyone, showing any type of honesty and comfort she can give towards her. Acknowledging the silence and hurt in a honest and artistic way.

Tobias is by far my favorite male character I have seen in a non-Marvel film. The support he gives Almut towards her career and cancer is honorable and I need to acknowledge that. We see him go through a man who only lives for the future, rushing for the next thing to happen while missing on what’s happening in front of him. However, when he professes his love for Almut, we see him become vulnerable and way from the pessimistic person that his experiences have led him up till now. It’s refreshing to see men in movies that are supportive towards there partners and giving us those types of qualities while also being able to balance out his concerns/boundaries was amazing to see in terms of writing, characterization, and acting on Garfield’s part. Both characters get there development but we also get to see them as real authentic humans who fall in love and deal with serious circumstances without having it feel too sappy/cliche.

Fair Warning: Only thing I will say about this movies that needs to be warned is the movie doesn’t go in chronological order of events. Sometimes you’ll be skipped into moments where there is the competition and training, other parts you’ll see where they first meet and just starting to get to know each other. However, this technique works as we get to see the development and the subtle details that they’ve said in the past make its way into the future and for me it wasn’t confusing. So be prepared to see sequences out of order!

Setting: Every scene and the background is gorgeous! From the restaurants to the cottages where they raise their daughter, Ellie. Every element from start to finish was perfect and matched each scene to perfection!

This was one of the best love stories I have seen in my opinion and recommend seeing this movie if you are a fan of a romance movie comedy/drama film!

[beevean]

Ranking Hazbin Hotel songs (ep. 1-4)

Just elaborating on my opinions on the music so far. To be honest, I'm not too keen on the forced quota of two songs per episode, but what salvages it is that the compositions and voices are high quality. The best songs do also a great job in the characterization department, and they've been stuck in my head for a while now lol.

8) Hell is Forever

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I don't like Charlie's singing. Not because she's a bad singer, I don't like how she's treated as a joke, and I don't like her cheap Disney parody style. This is even worse because by plot reasons she has to sing super fast about concepts we already know about. It's unpleasant to the ear.

And Adam. ugh. I hate Adam. His verse is actually not that bad! I like how he introduces another obstacle to Charlie's plan: the man has (by his own admission, which is a bit lazy) a black and white view of the situation, and he refuses to accept any redeemed soul in Heaven. And the rock style is good too. Just. I hate him. I hate his fratboy personality. I hate his voice until he finally takes it seriously. He ruins a perfectly nice solo. Gah.

7) Happy Day in Hell

Again. I don't like how Charlie is treated as a joke even by the narrative. I also am confused as to how we're meant to see Charlie singing as something silly she does in-universe, when then everyone else sings and they're taken seriously. Anyway, this is a generic "yep everything will be just fine" song, because get it she's in Hell, and get it things will not be fine! My Little Pony had a similar joke ages ago, and it was mercifully shorter.

At least it sounds good, because Charlie has a nice voice, and I like the jazzier finale.

6) It Starts With Sorry

Forgettable. I have nothing to say about it.

5) Whatever it Takes

A nice ballad shared between one of the protagonists and a character that has been just introduced. I am intrigued by the parallels between Vaggie and Carmilla, but that's about it. I don't think this scene needed to be put into song, which emphasizes how the quota of two songs per episode was unnecessary. Carmilla's VA is also better with a bombastic voice than with a slow ballad. (nothing to say about Vaggie, she sounds lovely)

4) Respectless

While it shares the previous song's problem of being kind of unnecessary, this one is at least boppy and interesting. I like how the style changes to reflect the singers' personalities, from Carmilla's more proper Latin instrumentation to Velvette's modern pop. Some of Velvette's lyrics are just terrible ("bae"? in 2024? 😭), but she picks up in the second half where she shows her true intelligence. Also both of them have nice voices.

3) Stayed Gone

A delightful, jazzy, and most importantly salty duet between Vox and Alastor! Not only it's very fun to sing, it does a great job at presenting the characters: Vox is a fast smooth-talker, but his anti-Alastor propaganda comes off as desperate, and he crumbles quickly under Alastor's timeless charm who doesn't even try that hard to paint Vox as an insecure clout-chaser. The bookend is also done well, with Vox attempting to sound menacing, but Alastor straight up sounding like a predator stalking their prey. The song establishes their rivarly in an entertaining way and only gives us the breadcrumbs to explain to us what happened between them, keeping the intrigue.

(also I can't get enough of Alastor saying "and now he's pissy, that's the tea :D" just to mock Vox' obsession with modernity. he's so sassy lol)

2) Loser, Baby

Alternative title: media literacy test :P

While I think I prefer Stayed Gone musically, this is just a wholesome scene... as much as it doesn't look like at first lol. It pulls all the weight to show Husk's inner depths: he's old enough, wise enough, and empathetic enough to know that the Charlie approach (being endlessly optimistic and kind) doesn't work on someone like Angel, who 5 minutes prior was willing to get himself rape drugged in a self-harming act. So he hits him with a double whammy of brutal honesty ("yes, you're a loser, you suck, your situation is terrible") and simple support ("but you're not the only one, I suck too, I like you the way you are and you can at least be miserable with me").

And this is important for Angel, who has a very skewed view of himself after all the abuse he went through. When he says that he's a loser and a dummy, and jokes about not having more holes to deflower, he's casting away the bravado that he uses to hide his pain. It's the first step to accept himself as he is, knowing that at least someone out there can appreciate him for who he is, and not just what he can give. It's beautiful.

Also Keith David <3 the contrast between his low smooth voice and Blake Roman's higher pitch <3 (and once again, "you're a power bottom at rock bottom" cracks me up)

1) Poison

Oh this has been my obsession ever since I found it. It's so good. The layers. The rhythm. The voice. I love it so much! 💖

I've always liked Addict for the contrast between the poppy music and the miserable lyrics, but its spiritual successor goes above and beyond. What a perfect inlook into Angel's broken spirit. He blames himself for the hell he's stuck in, and doesn't expect to break free soon. He's aware that Valentino only feeds him poison (lies? beatings? fake love?), but Angel is addicted to it and can't get away from him, so he willingly poisons himself and convinces himself that it's what he wants after all - it was his choice, after all. He likes it, right? He gets wasted like there's no tomorrow because he has no reason to live another day. It's terrible! And yet the song is so catchy and fun to sing, and it has probably the most interesting rhymes so far. It's the only song I genuinely wish it was longer.

And the visuals only help <3 I can't get enough of Angel dancing, either chained to Valentino and smiling even as he's thrown on the floow, or alone, pretending to be sexy and confident but then cowering at Valentino's sight. Abuse romanticism my entire ass, it's a more nuanced look on the dynamics of abuse than many other works I've seen.

And Angel's broken voice at the end destroys my heart :) Blake Roman, guys.

[chameleonspell]

HTDC commentary - 9: sanctuary & 10: outside

[Looking back at HTDC after nearly ten years: comments on lore, character notes, influences, art, whatever. May contain spoilers for later chapters.]

chapter text: 9: sanctuary & 10: outside

So, evidently Iriel had an opportunity to go collect mushrooms for Ajira and be a good little Apprentice, but he's doing drugs with Tsiya, instead. What do we learn about Tsiya?

Tsiya was an asshole

Immediately, Iriel's already prejudicing the reader against her, with his opinion. Admittedly, Tsiya is kind of the worst. She's been an addict far longer than Iriel, and no longer has any illusions about the sort of person it makes you. She's lost everything and everyone she ever cared about, and she certainly has no energy or inclination to be nice to Iriel. Honestly, though, why should she?It's easy to side with Ire because we know what he's been through, and Tsiya is a blank slate with no visible redeeming qualities. But just... take a moment to observe the actual power dynamics, here. 

From Tsiya's perspective, a strange elven man forced his way into her house. He could easily overpower her magically - or even physically! Iriel has more than a foot and a half on her in height, and she's even more weak and emaciated than he is. She can't leave, or she'll be arrested, but he can move freely, and could report her to the guards whenever he chose. She's in skooma withdrawal, and probably starving. Iriel doesn't realise it, because he can't fathom not being the victim in any given situation, but Tsiya is completely in his power, and for her part, she is fully aware of this. No wonder she can't stand to be polite, no wonder the most she can manage is occasional forays into transparently sycophantic wheedling.

a common-or-garden asshole, to borrow Reu’s favourite term.

HTDC is presented in an all-new, modern and colloquial translation from the Tamrielic! Which is to say, that when I include different types of slang, it's because I am attempting to represent different regional dialects and vernacular colloquialisms. Iriel saying "fuck" a lot is actually an Altmeri speech feature, a translation of an uncouth term from his Lillandril docks background. Honest.

OK, OK, so I just vary up the types of voices and swearing habits because it's fun, but I do try to keep it vaguely culturally consistent. So, when I wanted to call Tsiya an asshole, I had Iriel blame Reu, because he's an Imperial street rat, and he talks like that. I was having Ire be more British-influenced, language-wise, but "arsehole" just didn't feel scathing enough.

“Of course the annoying High Elf did not. If he had found it, he would never have returned.” Ire didn’t even try to contradict her. I’m an asshole, too, these days.

Iriel is not kind to Tsiya. Sure, he could have done worse things to her, but let's be real: he only didn't, because he didn't want to. He's only interested in her moon sugar, and he would have stolen that, if he thought it was worth it. For now, she's more use to him as a connection.

“Iriel’s share. Now he goes away.”

With Tsiya's grammar, I had her use third person for everything, because I felt it emphasised her total lack of connection or direct contact with anyone. She no longer has relationships, even grammatical ones.

She grinned, unpleasantly.

Tsiya is not a nice person. She "doesn't deserve" kindness. But if she doesn't, neither does Iriel.

Ire sat on the stone bridge, and watched the stars reflected in the moving water. Sometimes he felt that such beautiful reminders of his own cosmic insignificance were the only thing that calmed him

Ire's little existential rebellion against Altmeri culture, which doesn't much encourage thoughts of personal insignificance. You're a scion of the divine, act like it! That said, Altmer do really like the stars, the stars being doors to Aetherius, left by cosmic beings lucky enough to escape Mundus in time. So maybe Iriel's not being that unorthodox. Certainly, his pa would have taught him respect for the Stars.

“Heeeeeeey n'waaaah” A mocking, drunken sing-song voice rang out, and others joined it.

I'm trying to think of something clever or witty to say about these men who police public places in groups, scanning for victims, looking for those they can mark as acceptable targets for violence. But I just get too choked with homicidal rage. I don't understand them, and I don't want to.

He’d long ago given up trying to figure out what he was doing to make it visible.

And it's always the victim who ends up asking themselves what they did wrong, to make themselves a target. As if there was ever a way out of the trap, save total annihilation of self.

But... how is it that the bullies at school can always pick out the queer kids, even before those kids know themselves that they're queer? What's the blood in the water they sense - someone's buried sense that they don't fit, somehow? Or is it only the ones who fail at their gender roles who get the target on their backs, do some people manage to go under the bullies' radar?

Iriel feels he has no control over the ways he broadcasts his failures of masculinity to others. He is bitter about the fact that certain physical traits seem to provide others with free camouflage for similar failures. Specifically, he has a rant about how his ex Hiranel could spend all day in the forest picking flowers and petting small animals, being a sweet, quiet, utterly passive healer who wouldn't say boo to a goose, and yet never have his sexuality questioned or his masculinity doubted, because he was tall, broad, strong-jawed and generally looked the part.

Back in Summerset, Ire at least understood the rules of the game, the acceptable contours of Altmeri manhood that he was expected to emulate, centred on magery and nobility, rather than physical force. He used to be better at it! Until he got found out. In Cyrodiil, he thought he could have a new start, and maintain a proper academic, masculine scholarly image. But just when he thought he was succeeding, he found Imperials viewed him as feminine purely due to being elven. Not that they seemed to mind. Ire's youth, inexperience and brief time in Cyrodiil meant he didn't fully grasp the ways his elven gender was fetishised there, by some Imperials. Still, he found certain remarks and attitudes... uncomfortable.

And now he's in Morrowind, where even the most macho of Altmer would be seen as woefully effeminate by the local daggerlads, these ash-covered, ebony-veined, Daedra-licking Dark Elves.

He got the Sanctuary spell on the third try.

I wanted to have chapters named for, and dedicated to, different Illusion spells. I got quite a lot of them, eventually, even if I had to adapt a couple of the names. Here, we have Sanctuary, which makes the caster harder to hit. Question: do we assume that this is due to an applied visual distortion effect? Or could it be affecting the subject's actual tangibility? It's probably the former, but how Illusion spells might affect the sense of touch is going to be significant, later. Perceived qualities vs. physical qualities. How do they affect one another? How do we control them?

If he can't control how others perceive him (and has missed the chance to control whether they perceive him), then Ire can at least control whether they can touch him.

I have a lot more to say about visibility, identity and gender, but I want to come back to it in a later chapter. So for now I'll just say that this spell might someday have been the culmination of Iriel's research into illusion magic:

In the meantime, he'll just have to live in terror, like the rest of us.

At this point I don’t care if it’s a gay bar, a skooma den, or a gay skooma den.

I think this is the first time Iriel uses the g-word? And some people had opinions about that. Specifically, some readers can tolerate all kinds of technically-anachronistic terminology in a fantasy story, but as soon as you use a "modern" term for a queer identity, their immersion turns to ash in their mouths.

And they are entitled to their opinion, and I totally agree that it's silly to have characters talk about themselves in 21st century tumblr micro-labels, when they're supposed to be medieval goatherds or something, but ALSO... (and I have a way longer version of this rant in the replies to this comment)

Writing Fantasy is Translation.

We always have to assume that the language of a fantastical world is not actually English (or any Earth language). Because Earth languages have our cultures and histories baked into the words.

In translating a foreign word, you have to choose from a range of words in your language, all of them imperfect, all of them bringing new associations, some of them wrong, some anachronistic, all of them adding something and taking something away from the original text.

I don't think there is anything wrong with choosing a modern, colloquial term for a fantasy character's identity, if it's the closest, simplest word for the task, if it fits their linguistic register, and occupies roughly the same place in their brain.

For some reason (I know the reason) fantasy writers are happy to use all sorts of anachronistic modern language, in low fantasy, except when it comes to queer identities. Suddenly, then, it feels weird, so characters start spouting all these awkward, euphemistic phrases, or not talking about it at all. And I was just... really sick of that!

It was a conscious choice to Let Iriel Say Gay, to let him have a way to describe himself, and not fall into that boring trap of being a queer character who just never refers to their sexuality ever, because the writers are too scared of using Terminology (*cough*everydragonagecharacterever*cough*).

a brunette Nord woman leaning on a barrel

IT'S TILDE!!! OMG HI TILDE!!! I had no idea, at this point, how central she would end up being. I hadn't got her voice, yet, in the first version of this chapter, and I had to come back and fix it later, to make sure she sounded like herself, and said proper Tilde things like "dickmaggots".

Tilde is mine now, my OC, go away, Bethesda. You didn't write her, she's just a generic Nord NPC with no personality, who exists to have a code book you can steal, for a quest. So that's all I had to work with, really: Nord, Thieves Guild, knows secret codes.

“Extra-High Elf doin’ OK?”

It took me far longer than necessary to realise the obvious joke I had walked myself into, with my very serious Altmer character with his very serious drug addiction subplot.

He cast surreptitious glances at the other inhabitants of the bar’s lower room.

I did a bunch of brief characterisation of the other Balmora guildmembers, because I thought I might do more with them, but in the end, it was the Sadrith Mora guild where Iriel ended up getting force-found-family'd. Apart from Sottilde and Habasi, we barely see most of these people again, before I eventually... um, y'know. Murdered them all off-screen for drama.

He had, oddly, enjoyed his evening in the South Wall. He had sat by himself, watching other people’s lives go by.

“Thank you,” he said. “Really. Thank you for taking care of me, but I can’t join. I’m sorry.”

Iriel isn't ready to trust another bunch of thieves just yet, so he's ignoring his instincts, for now. But of course he feels more comfortable with a group who are inherently outsiders to society, of course that feels safer and more accepting of difference. Ire knows he's on the verge of finding his people, but that's still scary, because PEOPLE.

next: 11: books & 12: silence previous: 7: choice & 8: simple

[zot3-flopped]

Louis has to talk a big game about himself and his songwriting abilities because he knows the art doesn't speak for itself. Real artists like Harry don't have to constantly repeat “as an artist“ when they speak or give their opinion on something. It's like those people who describe themselves as “honest“ all of the time. If you're really that honest, why do you feel like you need to keep reminding us?

I think Louis knows deep down that he can't sing and that he doesn't have that “star quality“. That's why he keeps focusing on his knack for honest lyrics. That's why he keeps reminding us that he was the one behind the songwriting for 1D's biggest hits (even though he likely only added a few lyrics here and there). I mean, you can delude yourself all you want, but if the whole industry and general public keeps on commenting that you can't sing and that you act like an asshole, then deep down you're going to know it's true.

There are minor changes he could make, but he doesn't think he owes his fans anything. He talks about how he wants to just be himself and for people to accept him for that. Well, fine, dude, but your “self“ is rude, pompous, and worst of all lazy. And he knows he's lazy too. He will never even bother to dress in a way that his fans like. He just throws on a tank top and sweats for thousands of paying fans just so he can be comfortable. In general, he values his own comfort over his popularity, which will be his downfall.

He could have gotten singing lessons. His voice would've never been as liked as Harry's because it's not deep, but he could've at least had an okay voice. Instead, it's like listening to a screeching pre-pubescent child.

He could have put on a fake persona like some artists do, or even just stepped away from social media completely and become “mysterious“ like his ex friend Zayn. That would've been a smart idea since he can't help but not keep his mouth shut and just pisses everyone off and curses at them.

He could have changed his style, even if it's not what he actually likes. He could have hired a stylist who will style him like a popstar and actually try to make him look attractive (as much as they can...). A large part of popstardom is about looking attractive whether he likes that or not.

He could have stuck to making EDM music since those songs gained more popularity than his Oasis copycat music does now. If popularity isn't what he's after, then whatever. Fine. He doesn't have to do anything I listed, but he doesn't get to complain about getting no radio play or not charting.

I mean, I don't even know if he could be considered an indie artist. He's just got a fanbase who like him because they were fans of him in 1D. Even indie artists get played on the radio once in a while, or their song trends on tiktok. At least popular indie artists like Chappell Roan or Troye Sivan. Louis doesn't keep getting new fans. He's like a throwback act. Most of his fans have been bere since 1D and he's not gaining any new listeners on spotify. There's no opportunity for growth because he doesn't try to make himself appealing in any way.

I just think he's making music as an excuse to tour and party, like you mentioned before. There's no other explanation for why an artist wouldn't TRY. He knows he has a dedicated fanbase and that's all he ever caters to. He knows they'll stick around through every “fuck you“ he throws their way, as his clothing choice, lack of attempt to remember song lyrics he supposedly wrote, lack of attempt to preserve his voice let alone train it to be halfway decent, and lack of stage presence all demonstrate.

He's truly just a rich, entitled brat paying for his own career so he can look like he has a modicum of success and so he can party and do drugs on his fans' dime, while he gives them nothing in return.

Brilliant summary of Floplinson's many failings! 👏👏👏

[lyilacs]

Autumn.

08 Nov 2017, fourth.

“Autumn hasn’t ended yet,” he murmured over his phone while waiting patiently for his members to finish their tasks. He was barely focused over their shoots and interviews after his turn; moreover, he was anticipating the phone call he was currently having since he hardly has the time with the comeback his group has. “We still have time. Are you at home?”

“Mhm, we got dismissed earlier than expected.”

He smiled to himself as he listened to her gentle voice. She seemed to be hiding from her members again since both of them knew they would be teased again. With the thought of being long time friends, no one would expect them to be together in the first place. He leaned his back as he continued listening to her voice– though also listening to her words.

“Are you going back soon? Should I come over?”

“Nhm, how about coming to the practice room instead?” He nodded in response to his member who seemingly caught him in act; was it Mingyu or Wonwoo? He wasn’t sure since his attention drifted back on her right away; they knew whom he was talking to anyways. “We’ll be done in thirty minutes since it’s only Hansol and Seungcheol who are left.” He scrunched his nose as he peeked around; yeah, he was right and he was happy to know it.

“Should I bring food for everyone–”

“No–” he abruptly interrupted, “they'll head back home soon and I'll just ask hyung to drop me off.” He almost lost it until he heard her laughter over the phone. She knew he was hinting for some quality time together before they started to get busier with all of the year-end schedules. Their company seemingly became more active with getting them schedules or whatnot.

“Come on, I know you want to spend time with me anyways,” he heard her hissed and she knew he was already slyly grinning. He was about to take time for their phone call but he was being called already to completely wrap up their schedule. “I will meet you in thirty minutes, then? We’re wrapping up now.”

“Mhm, take care!” She softly beamed at the other end of the call.

“I love you,” he whispered. A grin grew in his lips when he heard her giggled even if she was probably scrunching up her nose.

“I love you too~”

...

————

...

He swiftly got off from the team’s van with his mischievous members grinning at him since they knew whom he was meeting after all. He had his hoodie, mask and cap on (and a backpack) as he went inside the label’s building, going straight to their shared practice room since they usually hangout when they both couldn’t go outside. The building was quiet like the other days and he was thankful for it– less people, less distraction and more time for them. He knew they were too accommodating and kind that they wouldn’t be able to leave someone, anyways.

Few steps more and he finally sighted his girlfriend waiting inside the room– with her packed rice rolls on her right and her phone on her left; it seemed like she was listening to music and practicing since he would hear her singing voice from the doorway. He took some more seconds before getting inside to surprise her, though she has sharp senses that she immediately noticed that he was standing on the doorway.

“Ha! You are trying to surprise me, aren’t you?” was her instant retort when she got up and came closer to him. She has her hands on her waist and her orbs narrowed on him, though her features softened as they both laughed over his quite failed attempt. He wrapped his limbs around her figure instead before he left a subtle peck on her tiers.

“I heard you singing; I just wanted to listen,” he grinned

“Hm? Are you sure? Or, are you trying to cover up your failed attempt?” she wittily hissed.

“Psh, I am being honest!” Then, she laughed at his reaction again.

Well, sort of, he was, though she was quite right as well. He /is/ indeed /a bit of/ a swindler, after all.

Gradually, she took the opportunity to leave a peck on the tip of his nose– but then, he didn’t let her move backwards and then leaned in again to have their lips share a short sweet kiss. She subtly hit his shoulder since he was chuckling over her reddening cheeks, even if she was holding onto him tighter than earlier.

“What if someone sees?” She slightly frowned, still blushing.

“Then, will they be jealous?” He has his brows up, grinning.

“Yoon Jeonghan!” He laughed at her subtle exclamation.

...

————

...

They were sitting on the floor; with her leaning against his chest as he leaned against the wall. They were both sharing her ear pods while listening to her playlist. She was scrolling all over the photos on his phone while he was watching her and eating the rice rolls she made for him. She would stop in several pictures, especially Seungcheol– she /is/ indeed the leader’s number one fan until they became a “thing”.

“Can you praise me more than Seungcheol, at least?” She almost laughed loudly when he spoke with a sulky tone– she instantly lifted her gaze to him and witnessed how his mien changed from being calm to quite sullen. Even if she was making fun of him and he was trying to be cute, she still took time to wipe the corner of his lips to remove some dirt. “What’s wrong with what I said?” He added.

“You know that you’re the one that I love romantically, right?”

“Still, compliment me more than Cheol,” he frowned, “don’t get me wrong, I love Cheol but I’d love it more if you compliment me more.”

“Psh, is this a lowkey way of admitting that you just love Cheol?” She has her gaze narrowed cheekily on him. Though seeing that his pout didn’t leave, she just leaned in to leave a kiss on his forehead instead. “Why are you being like this? Are you seriously jealous or what?”

“I want more compliments from you,” he snaked his limb around her figure to keep her closer. “Compliment me more than Seungcheol, Soonyoung and Joshua, but don’t get me wrong, I love them a lot.”

“Are you seriously asking for my compliments or you are just telling me that you love them?”

Then, he laughed and just kissed her lips since she was the one who was turning a bit sour instead of him. “Do you want to go somewhere else?”

She was wiping the stains on his lips, giggling at her mischief even though it was quite disturbing him as he spoke. He attempted to stop her from subtly brushing off her finger against his rough tiers by poking her sides. “What are you doing? You shouldn’t have used red lipstick if you’re gonna remove the stain on me,” he teased and then she hissed and pinched his cheek.

“What were you saying again?” She began packing up the empty box. It was getting late already and both of them decided to go home already before everyone began to think they eloped. Even though he was the one who suggested it, he was the one who began to be clingy yet again with pulling her closer to him for a snuggle.

“Wanna go to the Han River?”

“Are you serious? What if someone sees us–”

He hushed and murmured, “I have some extra clothes in my bag to cover you up.” Like a habit, he pressed his lips against her crown as she remained to have her slim limbs around him before she sighed softly. “Why? Do you want to go home already?” He asked while he caressed her hair gently.

“I just remembered how we used to hangout freely before we debuted. Now, we can’t even go out without risking being caught.” She murmured, with her eyes drifting somewhere else since she felt a little of embarrassment about her complaint. “I’d want to go there but–” she was interrupted when he hushed her again.

“Don’t worry, we can have our night walk date there now,” and that was how they ended up going to the Han River.

...

————

...

With the clothes he brought for her, loose white hoodie, mask, and the scarf she gave him, they arrived at their destination without any hindrances so far. He has her hand on his pocket, holding it tightly with their fingers laced together whilst walking alongside. Slow walks during a quiet night at the side of the river was already enough for the both of them– they couldn’t ask for anything more.

“I gave this to you, yet you are making me use this scarf?” Her orbs were narrowed on him; she knew he was sheepishly grinning beneath his mask. Few steps further, they decided to stop walking and then he moved in front of her instead.

“Well, literally even the hoodie and mask are also mine, so it’s fine?” He laughed when he heard her hissed, then he moved closer to loosely wrap his arms around her shoulder blades. “Plus, it suits you anyways. I think my clothes fit on you.” Then, he pulled his mask off briefly to leave a subtle and quick peck on her forehead, which earned him an abrupt squeak from her.

“What if someone sees–!” Yet again, she got halted when he pecked her covered tiers instead before he wore his mask on and his mischievous grin was evidently projected by his eyes. “You’re really sneaky, aren’t you?” She rolled her eyes instead before she gradually gave up on stopping him since it was pretty useless to do so.

“I want us to date like a normal couple,” he whispered while he pulled her closer, sighing to himself before he proceeded, “but if we aren’t in the same place as now, we wouldn’t be together. Let’s just wait until then, hm?”

“I’m not complaining,” she tightly held onto him whilst leaning on the crook of his neck. Her gaze was on the reflection of the bridge’s lights, “I love every bit we have now. I love my career too. I have both and I am already the happiest girl ever.”

“Hmm?” He mused teasingly, then she laughed briefly.

“Though, I noticed something.”

“What is it?”

“You’ve been kissing me for hours already, aren’t you getting too much?”

“Are you gonna stop me then?”

“Nope.” And with that, he grinned to himself.

...

————

...

After an hour, they finally went home. He decided to drop her off at the front of their dorm’s building, but then knowing how they were– it would be too risky to stay for a while and do sappy stuff, hence he even walked her towards their door. He was still holding her hand even if it had been a few minutes since they reached her last stop and her other hand was already holding the doorknob.

“Namchin,” they were laughing because she was purposely trying to make sure that her girls could hear what she was saying, “ I am already betting the kids are watching us from the monitor.” And she was right, she heard soft yet mischievous giggles from the other side of the door; there were probably six or seven of them prying on what they were talking about and the two were pretty much used to it already. “Go home already.”

“Should I drop by tomorrow evening, too?” He was trying to change the topic to something else. Obviously, he didn’t want to go home yet and he was just looking at her uncovered features. His scarf was already wrapped around his neck because she already scolded him for not using it when she made it for the chilly times like earlier. “I want to see you tomorrow, too.”  And then, he laughed because of the reactions they were getting from inside people.

“I need to make my kids go to sleep already. Yours are probably waiting for you, too.”

“Cheol’s there, he can handle them,” then she narrowed her gaze on him again.

“What are you two? A married couple?”

“Are you jealous?” Then, he laughed before he leaned closer to take her back with a brief kiss. “You know that I’m only gonna marry you, silly bum.”

“You should really go home already, the kids are probably gonna bombard me with questions–”

“No eonni, it’s fine, go on with Jeonghan oppa,” it’s definitely Minkyung. Then, the couple laughed again.

...

————

...

“Did I wake you up?” He carefully whispered over the phone as he sneaked out from his shared room, “did you get scolded from staying outside so late?”

“Nhm, manager eonni was like the girls– so into listening to my stories.” He heard her subtle laughter again, which made him smile as he listened to her voice over the phone. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping already? Tomorrow’s the D-Day for the comeback!”

“I know, I just couldn’t sleep without saying something to you.” Then, he sat down on the sofa in the living room. It was much quieter with their members in slumber, though they should be going ahead to bed soon as well, “Ah, by the way, have you heard it from Jonghyun? There might be a gathering some time soon. The staffers are setting up for a small family banquet during the holidays.”

“Mhm, I heard it from Dongho. Wanna do some pairing up, eh?”

He was quite astonished with her response, though it got him something good in his stomach. “Aw, aren’t you so cute? Matching outfits and being each other’s date you mean?”

“Namchin, it’s not a ball, it’s a dinner,” then he laughed when she hissed, “and yes of course I want to .. do those.”

“Why are you so cute, seriously?” He leaned his back and shifted his gaze on the window, somehow he watched how the Moon shone that night. “It makes me fall for you even more.”

“You’re so greasy, you know. Go to sleep already.”

“Before you~” then, he chuckled when she hissed again, “Yeochin, don’t hiss so much, it sounds like you’re gonna be a snake sooner or later.”

“Stop it! Wait, what were you going to say?”

“Hmm? Ah, I love you.”

“Silly bum go sleep already, and dream of me too,” he smiled when she heard her soft chuckle after her words.

“I love you, too.” she added.

[tstresors]

I’ve been an Allegra Goodman fan for years, but Sam is hands down my new favorite. I loved this powerful and endearing portrait of a girl who must summon deep within herself the grit and wisdom to grow up.”— Lily King, New York Times bestselling author of Writers & Lovers

What happens to a girl’s sense of joy and belonging—to her belief in herself—as she becomes a woman? This unforgettable portrait of coming-of-age offers subtle yet powerful reflections on class, parenthood, addiction, lust, and the irrepressible power of dreams.

“There is a girl, and her name is Sam.” So begins Allegra Goodman’s moving and wise new novel.

Sam is seven years old and lives in Beverley, Massachusetts. She adores her father, though he isn’t around much. Her mother struggles to make ends meet, and never fails to remind Sam that if she studies hard and acts responsibly, adulthood will be easier—more secure and comfortable. But comfort and security are of little interest to Sam. She doesn’t fit in at school, where the other girls have the right shade of blue jeans and don’t question the rules. She doesn’t care about jeans or rules. All she wants is to climb. Hanging from the highest limbs of the tallest trees, scaling the side of a building, Sam feels free.

As a teenager, Sam begins to doubt herself. She yearns to be noticed, even as she wants to disappear. When her climbing coach takes an interest in her, his attention is more complicated than she anticipated. She resents her father’s erratic behavior, but she grieves after he’s gone. And she resists her mother’s attempts to plan for her future, even as that future draws closer.

The simplicity of this tender, emotionally honest novel is what makes it so powerful. Sam by Allegra Goodman will break your heart, but will also leave you full of hope.

In Sam, Allegra Goodman presents a poignant coming-of-age story that explores themes of class, parenthood, addiction, lust, and the search for joy and belonging. Through the eyes of protagonist Sam, we witness the struggles and triumphs of growing up and finding one's place in the world. This beautifully written novel is a must-read for fans of coming-of-age stories and will leave you feeling moved and full of hope.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Allegra Goodman knows. She knows families, their griefs and rages, their love and loss: complicated parents and complicated children. In Sam, she goes deep into the heart and soul, and voice of one girl. Sam is a deeply wise and empathetic portrait of this unforgettable girl, making her way into this tricky world and into the reader’s life.”—Amy Bloom, New York Times bestselling author of In Love

“Sam is one of the most evocative and tender examinations of youth that I’ve ever read, and Allegra Goodman fully understands the strange and dreamlike qualities of Sam’s world as she tries to navigate it, populated by adults who mean well but complicate every single moment. One of the best writers around, Goodman has made something truly beautiful, evoking a feeling that is hard to name but stirs inside us with every line.”—Kevin Wilson, New York Times bestselling author of Nothing to See Here

“What seems at first to be a simple coming-of-age story deepens under its own weight and shows itself to be a beautiful meditation on all the ways we love and fail each other. I was moved by the cumulative power of Sam, and I’m still rooting for the characters.”—Ann Napolitano, New York Times bestselling author of Dear Edward

“Bracing . . . Sam’s . . . travails gain heft through [Allegra] Goodman’s perceptiveness, specificity regarding Sam’s emotions, and arresting turns of phrase. It’s impressive how much emotional power is packed into this . . . contained story.”—Publishers Weekly

About the Author

Allegra Goodman is the author of five novels, two short story collections, and a novel for young readers. Her fiction has appeared in The New Yorker and elsewhere, and has been anthologized in The O. Henry Awards and Best American Short Stories. She lives with her family in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ The Dial Press (January 3, 2023)

Language ‏ : ‎ English 336 pages

[noparg]

Here, I'll copypaste my original review. Just so you get an idea of how much I enjoyed this game: It got me out of a massive burnout when I was completely done with reviews (and putting up with my editor)

I'mma be honest. This review doesn't do it justice. This game gave me pure joy. It was incredibly fun to play. It made me buy the collector's edition. Me, the cheapskate who'd rather wait years to buy games he loves at 75% off.

Story

Dungeon Munchies’ story is surprisingly good. While not especially deep or a literary masterpiece, it is a pretty fun take on a post-apocalypse filled with eldritch horrors, talking plants and cooking ghosts. Mostly going for a tongue-in-cheek humorous tone, most of the jokes land pretty well thanks to the visual humor and straight deliveries that don’t disrupt the flow of the actual plot.

Said plot mainly involves the player, a recently resurrected zombie, as he helps the ghostly chef Simmer escape the dungeon they’re all living in by using stargates built before the demise of humanity. However, while attempting to locate and power on the remaining gate, a biohazard entity manages to escape containment, forcing the player to find and destroy it before it thwarts the plan.

Graphics

The game’s graphics consist of both pixelart during gameplay and static images a-la visual novel for dialogues and cutscenes. Both of the styles are consistently high quality, with the cutscene sprites being particularly praiseworthy for their ability to convey physical humor. The only letdown in the game comes with its areas, which despite featuring varied and plentiful environments, tend to be a bit repetitive or rather run too long while only using a handful of assets.

Sound

Dungeon Munchies’ sound design is the most questionable part of the game. Although it seemingly features a full soundtrack, the tendency the music has to stop playing and never come back makes it rather hard to notice. Besides this, there is no voice acting and, while sufficient, the SFX are nothing to write home about.

Gameplay

Dungeon Munchie’s is a linear hack-n’-slash game with some metroidvania mechanics, such as introducing movement options, double jumps and more. That said, those mechanics are only necessary for the areas they’re obtained in and those after, not the ones before. Instead of making players backtrack, any optional pickups can be obtained by exploring a bit. This, combined with the smooth controls and fun combat with ample room for different builds, makes the game a breeze to play.

The main gimmick of the game is that players will be able to create dishes with enemy parts. Said dishes will grant special abilities and bonuses to the player, such as mana regeneration, sword combos or simply more health. As the game progresses, more dishes and upgrades for the old ones are unlocked as new enemies are introduced. From these dishes, players will be able to select a handful to make their loadout, alongside a main and secondary weapon.

Said weapons also offer a wide variety of options, including straightforward swords, damage over time or even magical weapons that consume mana. Depending on how players form their loadout, incredibly powerful synergies can be formed. However, this does require unlocking all of the blueprints and recipes, tying neatly with the aforementioned exploration, which is always rewarded with a new tool. It should also be mentioned that in order to craft any recipe players will need “Insight”, obtained from exploring and killing enemies, although its plentiful nature makes being short on it rare.

Besides this, the game is relatively simple, players will be tasked with going through the linear areas while wiping out the enemies and surviving the platforming challenges. The game itself is not particularly hard thanks to the plentiful respawn points and the possibility of simply ignoring enemies and making a run for it. While this will leave the players missing some resources, it is offset by the also common fast travel points which make bracktracking for missed items or monster pieces rather comfortable.

 At the end of each story segment, players will also encounter bosses. These are not too common, with only a handful for the whole game. During bossfights, players will mainly have to whittle down the bosses until their health runs out (obviously), after which a bullet hell phase will start. Said phases last for as long as the timer that replaces the boss’ health lasts, although the time can be reduced by continuing to hit the enemy. However, that is easier said than done, since the bullet hell phase tends to be much harder than the rest of the fight.

Conclusion

 Dungeon Munchies is a rather enjoyable hack-n’-slash title with a fun story and entertaining gameplay. Although perhaps not as good as an indie darling or an AAA title, it is still a rather enjoyable experience. Sold for €16,79/$19,99/£15,49, the title is not particularly expensive and offers a decent enough amount of content to be worth it at around 8+ hours.

Personal Opinion

“I honestly had a lot of fun with Dungeon Munchies, the story is bonkers (in a good way) and would carry everything by itself. That said, it’s not like it needs to, since the gameplay itself is also pretty fun. Although some areas can run on for a bit too long, the build possibilities make blowing up enemies pretty fun. While I started with a sword and poison build and tried working around all the combo dishes, I ultimately ended with an absurdly broken build that let me spam the most powerful magic weapon at no cost while having regenerating health. That kind of freedom is always welcome and makes things more fun. There is not a moment where you go ‘Oh I’ll stick with this’ for too long until endgame, since the new weapons and dishes make you want to try stuff out.”

Hey.

Go play Dungeon Munchies

No, it's not related to Dungeon Meshi, but how fantastic is it that there are two pieces of media about eating monsters in a dungeon with the same initials and both are fantastic?

[lokigayforhela]

could you do one where Hela is the one who's pregnant instead of reader, and she's going through a rough pregnancy so the reader takes care of her

I apologize for disappearing so long. I got OC brainrot and couldn't write anything other than an au in which my OC girlfriend for Hela is a Valkyrie sent to fight Hela and things Go Wrong. Anyway, I hope this beast of a cute fic makes up for my absence, as well as the knowledge that I also have another, smuttier fic to upload tomorrow, too. Enjoy~

Rating: G

TW: Rough pregnancy

WC: 2958

“Look at it this way, darling. You get to do what you love most. Lying in bed and sleeping as much as you want.”

Hela scowled and crossed her arms over her chest, but you knew her well enough by now to know that it was more a defensive act than Hela harboring any real anger.

“I don’t want to spend the next two months doing nothing but staying in bed and eating and peeing. It sounds boring,” Hela grumbled, and you reached over to lay your hand on her belly gently, knowing it would calm the both of you down a little more.

“…we’ll talk more about this when we get home, okay?” You could tell there was something that Hela wasn’t quite saying, and you knew the back of a cab was the least appropriate place to discuss it, so you decided to hold off on any further talk until you’d gotten back to your apartment.

You kept an arm around Hela as you guided her to your bathroom so that you could run her a bath, fully intending on pampering her, now that you knew she was both in a not-so-great mood and because you knew she deserved it, with the long seven months she’d been through already, and as the water ran, you let your mind wander back.

When you’d first found out that your attempts to get pregnant had worked, you’d both been over the moon. Hela was excited to carry your child, and you were excited to be doing it with her, and everything had been absolutely perfect.

But the honeymoon phase had worn off rather immediately. Hela had quickly become miserable with morning sickness that left her in the bathroom for the better part of an hour most mornings, she’d had all sorts of aches and pains that came with her body preparing itself to give birth, and to top it all off, she’d tried to remain as present as possible, as the CEO of her own company, which had added even more stress than either of them had planned for.

But the real icing on the cake had been today, when you’d gone in for Hela’s monthly check-up and had found out that she had high blood pressure and was recommended bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy, which Hela had found less than ideal.

And all of that together, you mused, was causing Hela to have the standoffish reaction she was showcasing at the moment, and if you were being honest, you couldn’t blame her for it one bit.

“Come on… Out of these clothes and into the bath with you,” you cooed, going over to her so you could help her get out of her shoes without losing balance, and you were glad that Hela allowed the help. Even heavily pregnant, she had remained steadfast in her insistence that she was independent and didn’t need help.

Spoiling, on the other hand… That, she didn’t mind one bit, and you’d certainly been laying it on ever since you’d received the news.

You let Hela use your arm for support as she undressed herself and stepped into the tub, and when you turned around with the intention to bring a towel over for her, she caught your wrist.

“…join me?” Her voice had taken on a more vulnerable quality, and you knew that meant whatever it was that was bothering her, she was ready to talk about it, and so you nodded, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“Of course. I’m just getting towels, I’ll be right back.”

You made quick work of fetching said towels, as well as undressing yourself, and as soon as you stepped into the tub, Hela sat up so that you could sit behind her, and settled down as soon as you’d gotten yourself comfortable.

For a few long moments, you just held her, arms wrapped around her waist and hands gently splayed against her belly, smiling softly when you felt the baby give a little kick as they moved, and as you waited for Hela to speak, you pressed gentle kisses to her shoulders and back, loving on her softly.

“…I’m just so worried that everything that can go wrong is going wrong,” Hela murmured after a heavy silence.

You nodded, and pressed one last kiss to her shoulder before settling your chin there. “…I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind, too. And goodness knows, you’ve had it rough this whole time.” You paused, rubbing her belly gently as you thought. “But the doctor said everything else looks absolutely normal. You’re healthy… Little bean is healthy… This happens sometimes. It’s completely normal, with first-time mothers. The doctor said so herself. And the bedrest is just… a precaution. To make sure things don’t go really wrong.”

Hela said nothing, but you could tell she was stewing in what you’d just said, and so you kissed her cheek gently before continuing. “I know you’re worried, that you’ll get behind at work, and that you’ll miss a lot by not going in, but you know… That’s what Zoom calls are for… Though I do think you should take it easy, even with that. I know how… stressed you get even just talking about work sometimes, so… I don’t know, maybe one call a week, to check in on things. Everyone else there knows what they’re doing and what you want. They’ll manage just fine, and you know that.”

“…I do,” Hela admitted in a quiet voice, and you moved your hands away as she moved herself to recline more against you, and you shifted with her, making sure she was as comfortable as possible as you looked down at her. “I’m just overthinking, and I know that.”

You nodded along with her. “Which is why I’m going to make sure you have all sorts of things to keep your mind off of work and everything else. I’ll make you a whole little basket, full of things to keep you entertained while you’re at home. All your favorite movies and books and snacks… Crossword puzzles, you like those… Sudoku, although maybe not, because you always get pissed when you mess up.”

That earned a laugh from Hela, and you smiled, relaxing a little more, now that she seemed to be doing the same. “…chocolates?”

“Only the finest of chocolates, for the finest of wives.” You laughed softly, and pressed another kiss to her temple, lingering there for a moment. “And when I’m home, I’m going to absolutely spoil you. I mean, even more than I’ve been spoiling you, and you know how much I’ve been spoiling you. I’m talking foot rubs whenever you want, back massages with body oil and everything… Hell, I’ll even be your own personal chef and cook you anything and everything you want. And if a craving hits you at three in the morning, I’ll go right out to the corner store and get you whatever it is. Pickles and peanut butter, a gallon of ice cubes. You name it and it’s yours.”

“Mm, what would I ever do without you?” Hela mused, in a playful tone that sounded much closer to her usual self, and you hummed softly.

“You’ll never have to know.”

A more comfortable silence settled over the both of you, and you reached for a washcloth, wet it, and got it soapy before taking to gently lathering Hela as she sat up.

“…y/n?” When she finally spoke, her voice was soft, and hesitant again, and you fell still, anticipating what she was about to say. “What happens if I… if I meet the same fate as my mother?”

It was just what you’d expected her to say. Ever since she’d been pregnant, Hela had been consistently worried about dying in childbirth, as he own mother had, and you’d let her worry to you about it every time that the concern crossed her mind. And you had to admit, you were a little terrified that something that drastic might run in the family.

All the same, you kept a level head as you hummed softly. “…we live in different times now. We have better doctors, better technology, more advancements. Even if, heaven forbid, something was to go wrong in the delivery room, I think the nurses would be prepared to do anything and everything they need to. But I don’t think it’ll ever come down to that. You’re my brave, strong girl. And I love you. So much.”

You pressed a kiss to her shoulder and let the washrag sink to the floor of the tub as you wrapped your arms around her again.

“I don’t want you to worry about that anymore, darling. And I know that’s a difficult ask of you, and I understand it’ll come up again. But just… trust me. You’re going to be just fine.”

Hela gave a single hum of acknowledgement, and made no move to speak, so you settled for kissing her shoulder again and going back to washing her.

Hela would come around, on her own. And if she didn’t, you’d be there to help her every step of the way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What’s all this?” Hela looked up at you in mild amusement, straining to see you over the mound of goodies you’d stuffed into a basket you’d bought to keep by the bed.

“I told you I was gonna spoil you!” You sat the basket down on the bed and plopped down next to Hela, pulling your feet up so you could sit cross-legged as she looked between you and the basket. “Go on, take everything out! I’ll put it all back in once you’ve ensured everything is up to your standards.”

Hela rolled her eyes, but you hadn’t seen her smile this much since the doctor had put her on bedrest a few days ago.

“Alright, alright, give it here, then.”

In lieu of tugging the, admittedly very heavy, basket over to Hela, you simply pulled on one part of it until it came tumbling down on its side onto the bed, spilling its contents across the bedsheets.

“Okay, I see this blanket looks extremely fuzzy and very warm,” Hela pulled the soft, emerald green blanket you’d rolled up toward her, running a hand over it.

“For those pregnancy chills you get sometimes,” you explained, smiling when she draped the blanket over her lap. “Keep going, keep going, there’s, like… thirty things in there.”

“I see… Ten different DVDs, Y/N, you know we have Netflix, right?” Hela looked over at you and you simply shrugged.

“Speaking of, we also now have Disney+, Hulu, HBOMax, Paramount+… Am I forgetting something? I don’t know. But remind me to cancel all those subscriptions once the baby’s come. I mean, unless you want to keep them all, which is fine, too.” Hela gave you a look, and you smiled innocently. “What? I wanted you to have options.”

Hela said nothing else on the matter, and turned back to the basket. “True to your word, I see two different crossword books… And I see you traded the Sudoku idea for an adult coloring book and colored pencils.”

“They’re supposed to be calming.” You nodded sagely, earning a laugh from Hela.

“And when I tear all the pages out in sheer frustration?”

You grinned. “It came in a ten-pack, so…”

“Right. Of course you thought of that. What else have you hid in here…” Hela pulled out no less than ten different packages of her favorite chocolates and other snacks, ranging from somewhat healthy to bordering on sugar-rush inducing. “I don’t think I should be having some of this stuff, with the little bean still cooking.”

“I won’t tell if you don’t~” you sing-songed, beaming when Hela rolled her eyes fondly and set the pile of treats aside. “Massage oil. Y/N, how adult of you.”

You scowled playfully, nose wrinkling. “Get your mind out of the gutter, it’s not for that.”

“I mean, it could be…” Hela wiggled her eyebrows in a manner that was more comedic than anything else, and you snorted.

“Bedrest, Hela, not bedsex.”

“Well, why not both? I hear it’s good for me.”

This time, it was your turn to roll your eyes. “Moving on, please.”

“Oh, we’ll revisit this discussion later.”

“Mmhmm.”

You fell silent as Hela took out a few more items: a five-foot long charging cord (“So you don’t have to reach”), a portable charger (“So you don’t have to turn over to reach”), and a handheld, battery-run game that boasted including over ninety-nine different games.

“You really think I’m going to be bored, don’t you?” Hela mused, setting everything to the side.

“I mean… I would be, if I had nothing to do but sit in the same place all day every day for the next two months, and…” You trailed off as Hela cut you an absolutely annoyed glare. “…I’m not making things any better. Sorry.” You decided it was in your best interest, then, to shut up, and instead nudged a few more items from the basket toward Hela.

“’What To Expect When You’re Expecting,’ darling, don’t you think it’s a little late in the baby-making process for a book like that?”

You shrugged a shoulder. “Just something to read. Again, I mean, since we read it, like… six months ago. I bookmarked parts that might still be useful to you. Like breathing exercises and stuff, and what to do if you get Braxton-Hicks contractions, and what to do when your water breaks and you get real contractions.”

“…fair enough. I see you’ve thrown a healthy mix of other genres in here, as well. Cheesy romance, young adult… children’s books?”

“To practice your mama reading voice,” you nodded, already smiling at the idea of Hela reading in a hushed tone to your baby while they slept in their crib or against one of your chests as you sat in a rocking chair.

“I think I’ll leave the mama voice to you, can you imagine me cooing? It would be laughable.”

“Actually, I can imagine it, and it’s extremely endearing and it makes me fall even more in love with you, so.” You accentuated the end of your sentence by sticking your tongue out, earning a huff of a laugh from Hela as she reached for one of the last items.

“’Ring for a Kiss,’ hm?” Hela smirked up at you, giving the bell a test, and this time, it was your turn to laugh as you leaned over to kiss her.

“Well, they didn’t exactly have one that said ‘Ring for Your Wife To Come Dote On You and Bring You What You Need.’”

“Mm. Too lengthy.” Hela nodded in agreement and set the bell aside before picking up the last item you’d tucked away in the basket, a small, black velvet-covered box, which Hela regarded with narrow eyes before glancing up at you.

“Okay, okay, so this one isn’t so much something to entertain you as it is a… thank you, I guess,” you muttered, suddenly feeling a little shy.

“…for…?” Hela prompted gently, waiting for you to explain before even thinking about opening the box.

“For… this, I guess? For carrying our baby. For making all the sacrifices you have, to keep yourself and our baby safe, and for still loving me through it all,” you explained sheepishly, worried Hela would find the idea, and the gift, laughable.

But Hela only smiled softly as she finally pried open the small jewelry box, carefully pulling out a gold chain with a modest infinity charm attached to it. “Y/N…”

“I thought we could add the baby’s name on it… Once they’re born and we have the right name for them… And then maybe we could keep doing that, if we decide to have more. But I promise right now, I’ll carry the next one. It’s only fair, after the absolute nightmare you’ve had to live through the past few months.”

“I’d do it all over again, for you. For us,” Hela murmured, holding out the necklace to you and moving to hold her hair out of the way so you could gently fasten it around her neck, which you did immediately, pressing a kiss to her shoulder as soon as you’d finished.

“I love you. So much.” You didn’t say it because you felt the need to. You just did. Needed Hela to remember that.

“And I love you. Always.” She turned around so that she could kiss you properly, lingering even as she drew back. “I’m so incredibly lucky to have you in my life, to take care of me and watch over me, and absolutely spoil me.”

You smiled softly, nuzzling your nose against hers. “And this is barely scraping the surface, just so you know. I’m not going to let you do a thing without me being there to help you. Just so we clear that up right now.”

Hela laughed gently, wrapping her arms around your neck to keep you close. “My hero.”

“My entire life,” you whispered in response, kissing her again and gently curling your hand around her belly. “Both of you. I’m gonna take such good care of you. Forever.”

“And we know that.” Hela kissed you again, and it felt so comfortable and warm and happy that you couldn’t help but to smile as you drew back.

“…okay, maybe bedsex just once…”

Hela only laughed. “You’re cleaning the bed off first.”

You flung yourself over with a dramatic sigh. “Must I sleep in the bed I made?”

But you couldn’t remember the last time you’d felt so entirely complete in your entire life than you did right in that moment.

[yesimwriting]

Solace.

SUMMARY: you find yourself going to visit General Kirigan in the night. 

PAIRING: The Darkling/General Kirigan x heart render! reader

Warnings: the beginning of a toxic relationship 

--

The urge to flinch away from and melt into the feeling of his fingertips, too temptingly warm, as he grazes them across my knuckles and up to my wrist is almost overwhelming. When the unexpected contact is something I manage not to shy away from, Kirigan’s touch becomes more confident, turning my wrist in order to expose my palm. He lets out a low breath, if he was anyone else I’d think that a sound of tiredness. He drags his index finger down the back of my wrist and over the lines etched into my palm. There’s a new tension to his touch as if he’s searching for invisible answers in the natural creases of my skin. 

“You could stay,” Kirigan’s voice is as supple and alluring as sin, “Just for tonight.” 

Waiting him in any capacity twists at my heart in a way I can’t comprehend or justify. There is so much of him I do not know, so much of him that’s darker than the inky shadows he bends to his will. “People will speak.” 

It’s the kind of shy cop-out he doesn’t like. The kind of shyness that leaves everyone losing. I can make out the way he pulls his eyebrows together despite the only light in the room coming from a small lantern on his bedside table. I’m not sure if I’ve displeased him. Perhaps I’ve reminded him of why he felt the need to take me from everything I’ve known. Maybe he’s seeing how far I am from what he wants me to be, or maybe he’s seeing the opposite. I’m not sure which possibility scares me more. I’m not sure if I want him to turn me away or persist that I stay. 

“If you’re defined by what people say,” he taps the back of my hand as if to mark his point, straightening and letting the contact between us disappear, “You’ll never be what you want to be.” The tone he uses is one you’d use to scold a child, “Did anyone see you?” 

I don’t think he’s trying to fluster me with potential scandal, but the lack of warmth from the returned absence of his proximity is making this situation a lot less appealing. And without his easing touch, I’m too clear headed to ignore the dangers of this. 

“No,” I try to sound factual, nonchalant and at peace with this entire situation. 

The tilt of his head tells me that none of the casualness I’m desperately trying to manufacture on a surface level at least came off as believable. He takes a partial step forward, extending his hand and casually squeezing my hand, pressing my fingers into my palm. 

“You came to me, little wolf.” I swallow back my embarrassment. It had been a lapse in judgement driven by what...a deep loneliness that comes with being taken away from everyone you’ve ever known? “Why?” 

I wish I had an answer to that for myself. Because he’s the only one that speaks to me as if I am not less than? Because each short brush of our hands has made me yearn to know what purposeful touches from him would feel like? Because it’s dark and I hate being alone in the dark? Because I can’t sleep without seeing every mistake I’ve made? 

Yes. I could attribute my lapse in judgement to all of this. I could attribute my mistake to some other factor that my mind cannot process. Exhaling slowly, I reach for his pulse with my mind, hoping to see if he truly is as calm and steady as he seems. 

“You’re not as subtle as you think you are.” The words are enough to stall me before I can feel more than two heartbeats. They seemed even, but I didn’t hear enough off of them to be sure. 

I swallow back the embarrassment of being caught. “How?” 

If I didn’t know any better I’d consider the easy quirk of his mouth as an almost smile. “An answer for an answer?”

More generous than he usually is. I keep my jaw as set as I can manage. “I don’t--I’m not sure why.” 

He keeps his face unreadable. “You swore you’d never look for anything from me, that you would never…” Kirigan shifts closer. “That I’d always be a villain to you.” 

There’s a surprising amount of restraint in his words. Had I hurt him? The ridiculousness of my thoughts causes me to wrinkle my. He is a villain, he has to be, and yet here I am. “My insults do get particularly creative when I’m upset.” My attempt at humor falls oddly flat. Kirigan’s clearly not in the mood for a lighter atmosphere. “I wish I knew why I came here.” 

Shifting even closer, he raises a hand. I don’t understand what his intentions are until I feel a brush of knuckles against my cheek. The touch is too soft, too much of a reminder of all the absence...all the places where we’re not touching and the fact that I resent that. 

“When you tap into your abilities your brow furrows,” he pulls his hand away from my cheek and gently taps the space above my left eyebrow, “Right there.” Oh. Such a small thing to pick up on. “Even when you’re not doing anything particularly strenuous--it’s more an act of habit.” I don’t know if there’s a way to respond to that. “And when something upsets you that you want to play off, your eyebrows furrow here,” he touches the space between my two eyebrows. “As opposed to when you’re particularly focused on something and your,” he pauses, thumb brushing my bottom lip, “Lips press together.” 

My stomach flutters and knots all at once. His thumb stays on my bottom lip for longer than it needs to, neither  of us in a hurry to leave this moment. I wonder if he’s as afraid of what comes after this moment as I am-- thoughts of both the potential more and the potential nothing make my heart ache. His thumb brushes down the corner of my mouth and chin. 

“There’s a danger in desire,” his voice is so low I almost miss it, “But I think you know that by now, little wolf.” 

Feeling like a chided child, I dare to raise my chin a fraction of an inch but all that does is press my face into his touch more. “I’m not a victim of desire.” 

“I’m glad you feel that way.” 

So now he finds humor in the situation. Fantastic. “People should know you more for your wit.” 

I don’t hide my sarcasm, but his expression retains all of its easiness. “I guess the ones that matter already do.” The touch of lightheartedness evaporates as quickly as it appeared. “Will you stay?” 

This is different from the first time he mentioned me staying. The first time it was an option he presented, but this time, with his voice the closest to vulnerable I’ve ever seen it, he’s requesting my presence. For the first time I let myself picture it. Staying here. Falling asleep here. With him.

Cautiously, I meet his gaze. “Just for tonight, right?” 

“Stay with me.” He repeats, a bit more certain, a bit more...needing. “For tonight.” 

My body nods once without my permission. I wonder if this is how people feel after I use my abilities on them. That one tiny, unrestrained signal is all he needs. Kirigan angles my head slightly before brushing his lips against my cheek, the warmth of his breath against my skin is enough to leave me melting. 

“I--I wish I knew why I came here.” The words are more honest than I intended them to be. 

Kirigan pauses, warm breath still fanning across the side of my face. “Maybe it will become clearer when I turn you into my solace and my solace alone so that I may be the only thing you can find comfort in.” 

His words are gilded tar, dark and suffocating blackness disguised beneath a thin sheath of gold. “I don’t understa--” 

“You will.” The urgency of his tone strips him of all lazy softness. Something in me tenses, the shift too sudden and cold and similar to the way he was in the beginning. The tension does not go unnoticed, Kirigan fights against it easily, brushing his lips against my skin again. “Lets get some rest my little wolf.” He squeezes my arm easily, the touch leaves my skin tingling in warmth. “Tomorrow things will be different for you.” 

“Different?” 

“Training,” he replies easily, “Together we’ll see what you can do.” His fingers brush up my arm and across my shoulder easily, my breath stalls. “We’ll bring out that facet of your abilities that came out the day we met, and with that we’ll change the world.” I do not think myself a world changer, but the softness of his touch and the praising quality of his tone leave me with no protest. “And we’ll find solace in only each other.”