#hondo ohnaka nation

[ayyyy-le-simp]

Okay okay okay

Im back at it again

So we had many many people hear me out and agree with me on cad bane (cad babe) so I’m confident someone will listen to me on this one

But before we start: hiii cad bane nation how are you guyssss

Okay okay so hear me out

NO LIKE PLEASE BRO OMG

HES SO FUCKING ICONIC LIKE I BE EXCITED WHENEVER HE SHOWS UP CAUSE I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THE EPISODE IS GONNA BE FUN AS HELL

Him and Jack sparrow would be great friends

And yondu from guardians of the galaxy as well

They would serve

I can’t tell if I wanna be a part of his crew or if I wanna fuck him ngl

NO LIKE I HOLLERED AT THAT SCENE

[spacedilflvr]

wow i rly loved that bad batch/indiana jones/national treasure crossover!! also hondo ohnaka mention/appearance when??

[airyairyaucontraire]

Watching The Mandalorian S3EIforget, "The Pirate"

Okay, 44 minutes of a show that's rapidly losing my allegiance, not for being offensive or brutal, just for being kind of dumb and palpably losing interest in its title character. Let's go then.

If this show was going to go with pirates while also being addicted to re-introducing characters from the CG TV shows, I really feel they could've graced our screens with Hondo Ohnaka. But I fundamentally don't want them to keep bringing in characters from the CG shows. The only exception I would make is Rex, because Temuera Morrison, but I would rather still have more Boba, because also Temuera Morrison.

They haven't even tried to re-member the dismembered IG-11 statue.

shiny ass-kissing droid

and now there are pirates

and I just feel like a man in Greef's position -

actually speaking of Greef's position, I love how before skyping the mossy pirate captain, he squares up and puts his hands on his hips like Henry VIII posing for Holbein

- okay, a man in Greef's position, formerly deeply involved with the bounty hunters' guild, ought to have a staff of mercenaries on site in readiness for shit like this. Instead he's as unprepared for the possibility of bad guys with a big ship showing up wanting to take his stuff as Boba was on Tatooine. Presenting these middle-aged guys who have been involved in the underbelly of the galaxy for their whole adult lives as so naïve about the security challenges of running one's own fiefdom during a somewhat lawless period of regime change is such a bizarre choice. Why is everyone in this show so dumb about stuff they should be totally used to? They're not Luke Skywalker coming from the middle of nowhere with starry eyes and feathered hair. Like they should be smarter than me at this type of thing, and I'm a typist from Auckland.

there's a PIRATE NATION taking over the Mid Rim? THAT I ACTUALLY AM SEMI-INTERESTED IN so I bet they won't show it.

Retreat to the lava flats - a large, open area without shelter or cover. Super.

exsqueeze me, Disney+ subtitler, but PSYCHEDELIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING?

well, the krill farmers are still pumping out the blue juice, I see. And here's a nice Korean Canadian dad - you know what? I feel like Captain Teva is here to provide the Papa Smurf beard that Rex is not onscreen to give us.

Okay, so just as apparently Ragnar just hung out in a dinosaur's crop totally uninjured for 12 hours minimum while a search party stopped to rest overnight on their way to him, Mr Kim has time to travel to Coruscant and try to get a meeting with his superiors while Nevarro is under active pirate attack. He doesn't say "screw it, time is of the essence, I'll render aid and take the consequences." This show's idea of time in rescue situations is bizarre.

Who else feels like this fucking boring New Republic plotline was supposed to be part of the Rangers show that presumably Cara Dune would have headed up if the actress hadn't insisted on being a douchebag on Twitter? And now they're just trying to fold it into The Mandalorian. I resent it.

You know, when I heard the name Tuttle I had a brief feverish flowering of hope that a M*A*S*H tribute about the insanity of military bureaucracy might be in the works, but then it withered.

I know this guy from somewhere, somewhere relatively recent, but I am unable to place him. I am not interested enough to look him up.

I'm so irritated by the lazy cynicism of "If the Rebellion got into power they'd be useless." They're not the Democrats.

so now everyone's just wandering around in the blazing sunlight on hot black lava flats. Sorry Greef, your planet sucks.

And now... is this Jurassic Planet? yep, so I hope he doesn't get eaten by a serpent while he's here. Dude. Sir. You're standing so close to the bay that the mosasaurs like to pop out of. You've got your back to it. Please.

please help me

why does Paz address Teva as "Blue Boy"? He is dressed from neck to ankle in the most garish orange. Paz's own armour is predominantly blue. Is he fucking colour-blind?

Why does the Disney+ subtitler still head up Din's dialogue as "THE MANDALORIAN" when we've known for actual years that his name is Din Djarin?

they pride themselves on their secrecy... and their idiocy.

You know, this would never have happened if you'd stuck with your plan of repairing IG-11. He was no snitch.

Din calls him "Blue" too! HE IS DRESSED IN ORANGE

I CANNOT RECALL THE COLOUR BLUE EVER BEING SIGNIFICANTLY ASSOCIATED WITH THE REBELLION OR NEW REPUBLIC

HE HAS SOME BLUE STENCILS ON HIS HELMET BUT HE DELIBERATELY TOOK THAT OFF AND LEFT IT IN HIS SHIP WHEN HE GOT OUT TO PARLEY SO DIN AND PAZ CAN'T SEE IT

anyway BK's doing her swaggery walk again and while we're at it WHO ELSE PROMINENTLY WEARS BLUE?

and now we're going to have a long, leisurely meeting to discuss because what is time? what is urgency?

"and our children can feel what it is to play in the sunlight" - which we already let them do because we take absolutely no safety precautions about living right next to a bay where dinosaurs regularly pop out of the water or swoop from the sky to devour our young

"Does anyone else wish to speak?" No, because we are all just elaborately dressed extras. We know our place.

I'm... skipping stuff.

So the pirates are boozing it up in the school, like they wanted to. I'm happy that someone got what they wanted.

I like that one warthog pirate!

Did a Salacious B. Crumb monkey just tip off the Mandos?

I know they want me to be excited for the big battle, I know they do... I'm just too grumpy. I have a glass of wine, though, so that's good. Recognisable salmon pink in colour, The Ned Pinot Gris 2022 showcases classic aromas of quince, pear drop and vibrant stonefruit. The palate is lush with juicy nectarine and Braeburn flavours supported by an underlying hint of spice that leads to an unctuous ripe finish. A versatile wine when it comes to food matching with its notable fruitiness and gentle acidity. Try pairing this silky wine with succulent chicken thighs added to a creamy, lemon fettuccine pasta sauce.

you know, I don't usually tolerate words like unctuous and succulent being thrust at me by a mere product description, but I'll allow it

So... there wasn't much point to the mossy pirate at all, was there? Unless he bailed out with a parachute, he blowed up.

yes, the Anzellans are very cute. Always a pleasure to see them.

You know why I have a problem with this effort to do a whole thing about Bo-Katan and reuniting Mandalore and everything? It's the problem of trying to link up with the sequels, which were made before The Mandalorian was a consideration and gave absolutely no hint that the Mandalorians were a consideration either. Did they just "retake Mandalore" and then become totally isolationist, neither fighting the First Order nor supporting the Resistance? Did they get wiped out for keeps? Where were they when shit went down? You don't have to engage with that if you're prepared to just tell a small story of one dude and his kid, and a personal saga of family and faith, friendship and love, but once you commit to doing a big political historical story, you've gotta and it seems doomed to be unsatisfactory.

anyway if people are just whipping their helmets off now I reckon Din should pop back to Tatooine and show Cobb his smile

[legobiwan]

Here's something really different for you, for the characters thing: Hondo Ohnaka.

I mean, I wonder who Hondo is quoting up there? Hmmm, I can’t imagine any person who says that exact line who Hondo may have liked as a friend despite trying to kill/swindle/highly annoy this person depending on his mood/profit/some aphorism from his dear mother that day. 

Hondo is having the most fun out of everyone in the galaxy, I am convinced. Rip out their tongue for a good laugh, double-cross the Jedi for kicks, antagonize Dooku, Maul, and Grievous at various turns just because you can. Honestly, Hondo is probably one of the few beings in the GFFA that I absolutely cannot justify having some kind of tragic backstory. Like, I’m sure he suffered through his share of bad situations, but Hondo is a chaotic neutral trickster and it’s all water off his back. After all, there’s always another scam to pull, and as his dear mother would always say, “There’s no need to be sad when there’s always a way to get rich.”

I am also convinced Hondo is secretly an immortal. I mean, he was, what, minimum in his 30s in TCW? (I’m imagining him to be somewhat similar to Obi-wan in age.) There’s an entry in Wookieepedia outlining Hondo’s antics with the First Order. Meaning he’s pirating in his late 80s. Unbelievable. Hondo might never die. 

Hondo and Obi-wan are great friends/frenemies and I’m sure Hondo would have loved for Obi-wan to be a “pirate Jedi” with him, as he proposed to Ezra years later. I am also convinced Hondo would have loved Qui-gon Jinn. Hondo loves Jedi who are sneaky manipulators. Sure, Tano and Skywalker are fun to rile, but Kenobi has all the makings of a proper criminal. Plus, having a front-man with a fancy accent and a laser-sword (zwoom zwoom) would cut down on so many operational costs. More spice for everyone!

Hondo has to be aware of how ridiculous he comes off (I mean, to a degree.) I imagine more than one being underestimated him because of his garrulous nature, and that being more than likely ended up with their tongue nailed to a wall in Hondo’s office. Hondo is smart.

In closing, I love Hondo Ohnaka. We all could benefit from being a little more like Hondo in our everyday lives. 

[twilightofthe]

Star Wars Characters in an Avatar: The Last Airbender AU

So I’ve been thinking of this for a while. The way I’m doing it, only Force-Sensitives will be benders cuz that feels right

PREQUELS

Anakin Skywalker: Earthbender. Well, actually he’d be the Avatar and his best skill would be firebending, but Anakin grows up in the Earth Kingdom in this AU in that desert where he races sandships and wins by sandbending. He also figures out metalbending cuz he’s a nerd and still good with metals and mechanics.

Obi Wan Kenobi: Firebender. NO WAIT LISTEN. Firebender!Obi is a hill I will die on because ik he might SEEM more like water or air or even earth, the guy in ATLA who Obi Wan mirrors the closest is Uncle Iroh. They both are distinguished war generals former war generals who ended up outcasts because the government they served was no longer what they stood for and their loved ones got hurt/killed. Both are the Wise Old Mentor who guide the troubled young men whose fathers brutally maimed them. Both are fucking deadly when they want to be and only grow stronger with age. The only difference is that Obi Wan gets along with Mark Hamill while Iroh.... Does Not. Obes is a firebender because he knows how to control it. Also, if Anakin goes evil in this AU, y’all KNOW the Mustafar fight in this would have to be an Agni Kai. Speaking of, another firebender story Obi Wan matches is Roku (yes he’s the avatar but again, was born Fire) whose friendship fallout with Firelord Sozin is VERY similar to Obi Wan and Anakin’s mess, right down to someone’s wife dying because of their BS.

Padmé Amidala: Earth Kingdom. She also leads the Kyoshi Warriors cuz c’mon Pads and her royal handmaidens are basically MADE for that right down to the facepaint. She serves the Earth King, and is a diplomat between nations

Ahsoka Tano: Waterbender. Ooooooh I debated this for a while whether she should be water, air, or fire, but ultimately chose water cuz Ahsoka gives off big Korra vibes. She’s from the Southern Water Tribe, probably figured out bloodbending but flat out refuses, more of a fighter than a healer, WILL freeze your ass Elsa-style.

Qui Gon Jinn: Airbender. Yeah so no one wiped out the airbenders in this AU, he’s the go-with-the-flow type and has the same tendency to pick up weird animals. It was between air earth and water for him but I figured he was too stubborn for water and too idealistic for earth. Definitely uses his height to wield a big airending staff around and can knock like twenty ppl over at once. Figures out energybending but only to really make his plants grow xD

Satine Kryze: Water Tribe. Ooooooh y’all Satine was the one I had the most difficulty with because ugh basically ALL freaking Mandalorians are fiery hotheads and Satine the most fiery of them all so putting her as the nonbending pacifist leader of a bunch of firebenders is VERY tempting because that would make an interesting story. However, I ultimately chose Water Tribe, the Northern Water Tribe in particular because Satine feels a lot like Princess Yue. Very put-upon leader who’s facing enemies from the outside as well as arguments within her own advisors, just wants the best for her people, ultimately willing to die for her beliefs and her people when some asshole outsider comes in and attacks, traumatizes her boyfriend when she does die and the fandom tends to poke gentle fun at her boyfriend for it afterwards. Also, Bo Katan and her Nite Owls feel a lot like the water tribe wolf warriors to me.

Palpatine: Firebender/Earth King. Yes this makes sense because although Sidious HAS to be a firebender because lightningbending, he also has to be able to screw over Padmé and Anakin. So, he’s a firebender who manages to manipulate his way into the Earth Kingdom and take control of the throne and Ba Sing Se. May or may not still hold power in Fire Nation and talk them into invading everyone anyway or not, but he’s def evil.

Yoda: SWAMPBENDER. Bahaha ok so I know that the swampbenders all kinda fell under waterbender status, right? But yea waterbender would work really well for Yoda, but you KNOW he lives in the swamp as a cretin alllll the time in this AU and trolls everyone else and likes splashing them in the face. Yoda could also def be an airbender

Count Dooku: Earthbender. Dooku is solid, tall, works with the earth, and I think Form 2 kinda looks the most “grounded”, shall I say, of all the forms. Just the way he moves and his stubbornness definitely say earthbender to me, though he could also def be fire

Mace Windu: Firebender. The way in canon he’s all about self-control and knowing how to work with the darker side of you and the rage that’s there, yea, Mace would be a smokin’ (haha) firebender

Maul: Firebender (dammit there’s too many Fire Nation in this AU see this is another reason why I put Satine in water). Maul’s all about the fiery anger, again would really work well for a faceoff against fire!Obi Wan in this AU, Maul to me really looks like a tragic, worst-case scenario never-redeemed!Zuko. So basically Azula lol which ALSO works very well for the S7 Maul vs. water!Ahsoka fight echoing the final Azula and Katara fight

Ventress: Airbender. No, not just because she’s bald and has tats xD. Ventress would make very good use of the air glider AND the airbender ability to create a bubble around someone and suffocate them. (Airbenders can’t be pacifists in this AU otherwise the only people who could go there would be Satine and the Organas lol). She fights in almost a dancer, flying around sort a way that’s similar to what Aang does, and I could also see her whapping someone with an airstaff.

Jango Fett/Boba Fett/The clones: Earth/Fire. Ok so idk how clones would exist in this universe so I’m just gonna say Jango gets around and has a LOT of kids. Jango seems a lot like a down to earth get ‘er done kind of guy, he’s got the heavy hitting kind of play the Earth Kingdom likes. Boba would be much more of a Fire Nation emigrant. The clones I’d say are mostly Earth Kingdom in personality if I had to pick with a smidge of water and some fire of their own.

Bail Organa: Fire Nation. Bail is the one who lives in the Fire Nation and refuses to really play any way besides fairly. Also good for if he and Breha raise Leia because Reasons

Bonus! Hondo Ohnaka: Air Nomad. Hondo has no bending abilities, but he flies around on a flying bison named Melch and Causes Problems. He harasses Fire Nation blimps and Earth Kingdom trading routes and dive bombs the Water Tribe and is just the Horrible Goose of the ATLA!SW world.

ORIGINAL TRILOGY REBELS AND ROGUE ONE COMING UP NEXT