#home economics is my comfort show rn

[hatchetation]

Sarah and Denise including connor in their lesbian historical drama movie nights is something that can actually be so personal 🫶

[pianodoesterror]

2020 Fanfic in Review

tagged by the realest, @veganthranduil - thaaank you.

I reversed the question order a bit because, like veganthranduil, my list of fics written this year is... extensive. And that’s also how they did it so.

Takeaways from reflecting on your kick-ass writing, or kick-ass lack of writing, during a year more focused on survival than perhaps any other:

I wrote a lot. So much. I went from 59 fics to 100 and that’s just... show’s how boring my year was. There is a lot of familiar themes and vibes in my fics that I am highly aware of; I think they are as much for comfort as they are for ease tbh. Who doesn’t love people in room’s expression emotions. I also wrote some short fics - which aren’t even that short - but that felt good and it forced me to be more economical as I usually am.

Also, this year I learned the difference between ‘sitting’ and ‘sat’ and ‘stood’ and ‘standing’, although there is not guarantee on whether I use them correctly on the first attempt.

I really enjoyed the two women’s POV I got to do (incidentally, for both of the exchanges I signed up to this year), especially Ann Ross’. 

Most surprising fic you wrote this year:

Uuuh, a threesome involving Sophia for the fitzier fic exchange. I never really considered doing an actual threesome despite thoughts because Who would be in it? Also so many limbs. And I had considered a Sophia pov, but not for this, and certainly not modern. But despite false starts, and periods of abject dejection, I got it done and I’m kinda proud of it.  

How you grew as a writer this year:

I think my voices became clearer, my descriptions took on a snappiness. I took style risks and I think they mostly paid off. Also, first time I’ve taken ‘research’ trips for fics, but how can I noooot ships are so cool and so is Greenwich (who’s high-street has the best ice cream shop btw)

What’s coming in 2021:

WELL. There is only one WIP in my google doc’s rn. And it’s a present for my friend lobsterbang who threw the idea at me on a calculated whim and I grabbed it and overthought it, because then I could actually use my degree and the stuff I specialise in at work this year 😭. -  Tozer/FJ, Romans.

  What is planned from my bingo card;

Three scenes that might be in the Let the River Rush In universe.

Capetown, Dundy/FJ

Rossier, which could be one thing or another, I haven’t made up my mind yet.

Fics written this year:

There’s so many i’m so sorry

Fitzier;

you found me beautiful once (G) - a spooky drabble to go with art by @matt-j-freeman 

sunset and evening star, and one clear call for me (M)( hinted Fitzier and past Rossier, and Gibson/Hickey). First chpt posted about this time last year, but was finished in February 2020, a colab with @lobsterbang about how we thought they would get home within the context and intentions of the show. Also Hickey is suuuper creepy and FJ gets to shoot rockets.

the snow grows from the ground up (M) - 5+1, FJ is jealous of Crozier until he isn’t. 

and all I've done for want of wit (T) - James dies, and wanders through everyone else’s afterlife, waiting for his own to arrive. 

the world will always smell of salt  (M) - where, much like the real expedition, they are forced into cannibalism to survive (rated M cause it’s not graphic cannibalism but a dude still gets ate)

Oh, why would you weep, my friends, for me? (T) - the greatest tragedy of Francis’ life, coming to see him through the last day of his life. (wrote this in 24hrs and I am very proud of it)

gathering primroses series (M) - Trans Francis, FJ and Francis being comfortable with one another. The OG fic might be the best thing I wrote this year. 

all the boards did shrink series (E) - pwp, FJ own’s a dildo, that’s all you need to know. 

let the river rush in (E-T) get’s it’s own little bit. The last 8 (eight!) fic’s of the series were written this year. My baby. My cosy universe of Francis and James working out how to be the men who survived all that happened, all while navigating sexuality and gender and their own selves. 

Fic’s go from; whatever stirs this mortal frame (E) - where James is in his corset and split seam knickers being fussy and bossy. TO it hangs like flax upon a distaff (M) - Crimean war erectile dysfunction (not a sentence I thought i’d ever type). And from lately i've been fine, floating away (E) in which Francis bottoms for the first time, TO the bit of me still at sea (M) - where James is posted to the Med fleet and Francis potters about without him, both unhappy to be parted but used to a sailors life. And a honourable mention to by the time you are Real (G) where FJ is highly relatable and finally starts processing 10 years after the Expedition. 

For Fitzconte;

Way haul away... ,(M) series. in which Dundy belongs to a story that is very different from the one happening about him. 

Clio Goes West (M)series, in which - they go swiming in Yemen, eat dates, and get one another off. The Basra Marshes are very beautiful and sticky, and so are they. And - Nebet attacks.

It isn’t much fun for one, but two (G)- the Dundy and Jas orign story.

For Rossier;

Oh, a nice watch below wouldn’t do us any arm.(M) - HMS Fury days, larking in the gunroom.

positive values of inclination (M) -handsomest man in the royal navy sucks dick to unwind and manages to be a nerd about it

For Fitzjames/Tozer (lobsterbang);

magnitude and definite direction (M) - James is a nerd and they misuse a jollyboat.

marriage, in the maltese style (M) - FJ is off home and is gonna have to behave himself. so says goodbye to Malta in the company of a obliging marine. 

how prettily he foots it with his hands (M) - Mr Fitzjames stars as Queen Fadladinia, and gets quite a memorable standing ovation

Misc; 

we've got one thing in common, its this tongue of yours (E) - Fitzier exchange, modern AU threesome with requested pegging.

and of their shadows deep (G) - Rossier exchange. Ann Ross pov (which I LOVED doing), her reaction to Francis’ disappearance, and reflection on her friendship with him.

I tag @norvegiae @laissezferre @junomarlowe @lobsterbang @clockheartedcrocodile if they would like to do it

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

if it’s not too much to ask... india/china hcs pls? i know u ship it so i’d love to hear what ur opinions are!!

Thank you for asking friend!! It’s never a bother :)

Length Warning: Very, Very Long, A Lot Of Rambling

Preface: I honestly don’t know much in-depth stuff about India-China history (all the “history ramblings” is based on my previous knowledge + Wiki), so I don’t have a lot of grounding in what their relationship is like. Also, when writing their history I realized I still see them as a brotp (so the first part isn’t very shippy) but there are romantic ship headcanons at the end. See this cool post for other hcs!

+++

HISTORY RAMBLINGS

- I guess in Ancient Times, I see them having a friendly trading partner vibe; my personal hc of Ancient China is of someone who builds friendships for convenience, and then starts getting attached with time, so I think this is how his attitude was at first. He and India probably had some vague contact through diplomats and travellers who brought back tales to their own country, and then once trading and influence and religious imports (ex. Buddhism) really kicked off, they started actually interacting with each other (as people, not nations) and over time, that just kicked off into being closer and closer friends until they were basically lovers.

- In Hetalia canon China goes along with Zheng He (Ming Dynasty, early 1400s) on his voyages around the world (the episode with a giraffe), and historically they did make stops at India, where they traded and visited Buddhist temples and stuff; this would be fun to examine in terms of Indchu. I’m sure they had more opportunities to visit each other in person (in contrast to Romechu, the true long-distance relationship) but I’d like to see them just checking in on each other, talking about the news of the day and stuff! Talking about trade and the places they’ve seen; Yao rambling on and on about where he’s headed next, India interjecting time to time about things he’s heard about places far away from them. A moment of peace where they’re just super comfortable and relaxed with each other would be amazing

- Ok fast forward a bit to the 1850s-60s: Qing Dynasty is resting in pieces, the Opium Wars have thoroughly beaten China, the government is unstable from the Boxer Rebellion and there’s a bunch of hate at the ruling people, stuff happens. India has been taken by Britain and it’s Not Fun; these two old men are down in the dumps and being bitter together. I don’t think they’re “dating” or whatever rn because there’s just too much on both of their plates, but they are still close friends and still mutually hate England together. I can see them having tense arguments with each other out of pure stress, complaining about who has it worse: India, who has been made into a colony! *gasp* “My pride has been killed, Yao!” and China, who is basically a colony to 5 nations all at once and also reeling from losing HK to Britain. They know exactly how to hurt each other by this point, but they also know they don’t really mean it, and things usually blow over after they’re in their right minds again.

****Also, Indian sepoys were used by Britain to fight China, and Indian opium was shipped to China as well; I think that might have been a sticking point for a while, but I think Yao would’ve slowly accepted that India was not the one making decisions in the end. 

- The World Wars: India is in the Gallipoli campaign, conscripted by Britain, China is fighting on the side of the British and French but does not gain a single thing from winning, and has also lost the First Sino-Japanese War (I think Hetalia canon says China got his scar from there). Then Japan invades China, and he and India are fighting together in WWII against China’s estranged sibling/brother/vague relation. Both are beaten to the core, still bitter, but they keep reminding each other that they will just have to weather the storm and wait for their moment. This too shall pass. Same mood as the beginning of imperialism, but more tired and more done.

- After India’s Independence and China’s Government Overhaul: 1950s: India was one of the first non-Communist countries to recognize the PRC instead of the old ROC, but I think they started distancing from each other a little while after? There were territorial disputes with Nepal and I think both countries’ governments might have told them to cut it out and be less friendly with each other because they had rather clashing agendas

- Things seem to be relaxing just a bit, but then the Sino-Indian border dispute (1962) happens, and then there are other clashes near the border, and they don’t know if they can trust each other. Additionally, there’s the Sino-Soviet split, and India is getting help from the Soviets, and it makes things more complicated between them. The relationship is on shaky ground right now, and if they meet in person, both are putting on an impersonal facade. Not very friendly. I think they’re still cooling off until at least the late 1970s, when China’s economic reform happens.

- Skipping to Modern Day: they are cool again and are close friends again. However, they know their countries are competing in population, economy, world status/power, but they’re still friends. They know it might end badly, but I think they’ve learned to roll with the good times and savor it; their pride and hearts have been stomped on already so they don’t care anymore and take risks even if they might come out feeling a bit broken. They are buddies, and they might be dating, and they don’t really care about the boundary between friends and lovers. They are comfortable with each other.

- This article, published in 2007 by Harvard Business Review, presents an interesting take on China and India’s relationship, and in particular, their economies: it says that although people think they’re destined to be rivals because of their competing business sectors, they have developed complementary strengths and it’d be foolish not to work together. I think that could somewhat summarize Indchu’s relationship with each other in the hetaliaverse; they complement each other, and even if they might become competitors, it won’t affect their friendship/relationship because they just fit together. They click; it’s not forced friendship or whatever, they just integrate into each other so well (it’s almost like they’re meant to be together).

- There are border skirmishes (ex. the incident in June 2020), but I’m not really sure how that would factor into their relationship? Maybe they’ve gotten over it and they both know the other personification doesn’t like the fighting, and that their government’s opinions come first? Or maybe it’s still unresolved between them, because India has known Yao for a long time and knows what he’s capable of, and Yao knows what a potent force India can be when he wants? Idk. I think the idea of unresolved tension is more accurate, but I also like this ship because it’s soft and /mostly/ pure in modern day and I sometimes really want to ignore historical accuracy

ONTO THE GENERAL SHIP HEADCANONS!

- They argue with each other a lot, basically like an old married couple; their jibes at each other don’t mean anything though. China insists it’s so their wits stay sharp.

- Also they have debates over various academic topics; it’s basically their fun hobby by now. They’re both intellectually matched and read rather voraciously, so it’s a fun challenge (and keeps their wits sharp)

- I mentioned it before but it’s worth bringing up again: they know exactly how to hurt each other with their words; they just don’t get into bad fights often so they don’t need to cut each other to pieces.

- China is the less sentimental one, but they’re both really good at picking out tasteful, meaningful gifts for each other. “Experiences over material items/gifts” doesn’t really appeal to either of them; they’d much rather stay home being cozy than “gifting” each other a week in the Caribbeans or something.

- T e a  l e a v e s (No Teabags unless Strictly Necessary). No coffee, sugar, cream, or milk. Sometimes India jokes about switching over to coffee or drinking tea the British way, and Yao just goes “You’re canceled”, dead seriously.

- They wear each other’s traditional clothing sometimes. Occasionally Yao asks India to wear a hanfu instead of a changshan (men’s equivalent of qipao) because he thinks it’s more traditional (qipao was invented in the 1920s). India has managed to stuff Yao into a qipao at least three times, and has pictures to prove it.

- India likes running his fingers through China’s hair (he says it’s really soft, a comment that makes Yao scoff every time) and he sorta hates his ponytail for that reason alone. Yao knows this, and he tries to make up for it by letting it down more on weekends, when he doesn’t have to look presentable (also India insists Yao looks presentable all the time, another comment that always earns a scoff).

- They teach each other their own dishes. China has been getting in the habit of substituting beef and pork for other things, mainly tofu/chicken/shiitake mushrooms

- They take walks together in the evenings after dinner when they’re in the same place. As long as it’s still light out and the weather’s not too bad, they will do it every day (even if it’s raining, they might just bring an umbrella).

- Their way of showing affection is a) with gifts and b) just talking to each other about anything. It’s their way of winding down for the day and being comfortable with each other; they have long talks about random, silly little things that happened, perhaps a funny (or stupid) meme/joke their siblings sent, or dumb stuff that happened with their boss at a meeting.

- I think they’d call each other nicknames in private. It wouldn’t be something too “sickly sweet” I guess, but something to show they care. They use nicknames sparingly as well, so it doesn’t lose meaning through overuse. (I personally hate nicknames so I’m not giving out any suggestions here, but I think Yao would use something like “亲爱的” for India, basically means “dear/beloved”. Not too flashy or sweet, but still affectionate.)

- China gifts houseplants to India’s apartment/house because he knows India likes them (I think he’s a green thumb). China doesn’t really bother with decorative plants; he prefers to grow spring onions and other low maintenance shit that he can use in his cooking lol he’s all about the practicality

- During ancient times, they had lengthy, invigorating discussions about mathematics, either through letters or in person.

- They aren't really affectionate in public; PDA is limited to hand holding and occasionally a kiss on the cheek. Neither China nor India are the type to “show off” their relationship or their partner.

- Adding onto that, they don’t really announce their relationship to everybody but if you ask them, they’ll tell you. Basically you have to be the one to notice something’s up; they just don’t think it's necessary to share every little bit of information about their lives with people. They're the “secretly married” couple trope; signs of affection are rather subtle but still noticeable because they don’t act that way to other people.

- China forced India to get a Wechat so he can send India 10¥ red packets every week just because he has the app

- Not really a ship headcanon, but these two would throw the best parties??? Like if you want a party that’s really loud and noisy and fun, ask them. They may be old and “not fun” or whatever but they know how to organize large scale events effectively and how to achieve the correct atmosphere, and despite all Yao’s siblings’ trash talk, they usually pull off very stylish, sleek functions/events. Maybe it’s a little tacky here and there but it’s barely noticeable, and everyone is just. Awed.

Yeet that’s it; thank you for reading! This got really long, and I feel like a lot of the headcanons were rather platonic, but yeah! Hope you like it!

[bruinhilda]

On Turkey Day, and MST3K

I have...complicated...feelings about Thanksgiving.  I won’t bore you with a screed.  The holiday is fine, at least in theory.  It’s just I’ve never experienced a good one myself.

But there’s a more recent tradition to the holiday that has brought me nothing but comfort.  It is, of all things, the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Turkey Day Marathon.

So on this day, I thought I’d share the story of how MST3K actually saved my life.

(Trigger warnings for death, mental health, suicide, and things of that nature.  Don’t feel you have to unscroll if you aren’t in a sound enough mental place to do so.  Believe me, I know how it is.)

In 1995, my mother died.  It was very sudden.  She went to work, had coffee with a coworker, and then dropped.  The coworker was an RN, she was ten minutes away from the best hospital in the state.  And there was nothing they could do to save her.

My own life was pretty much obliterated in that moment.  My mother was the parent who actually parented.  The one who took any real interest in my interests.  The one I could rely on to try to help me, even if the help was ineffectual sometimes.  And just like that, the best member of the family was gone.

I kept going, of course.  I kept my job, kept slogging forward.  Tried to emotionally support a father who never learned to give back, instead of just take.  I struggled through a mental breakdown and failing the medical (and mental) hoops needed to medicate it.  My bad habit of staying up too late turned into insomnia (which I still have a major problem with.)  My soul was dead, and the only thing delaying the body following was a lifelong phobia of death and dying going full blown into panic attacks and constant anxiety about dying myself. 

This was how I learned that you could both be terrified of dying, doing everything you think will help you avoid it, and yet want to stop existing at the exact same time.  Eventually, one impulse was going to override the other in my brain, and I wasn’t even sure which one I wanted it to be anymore.

So in that mental maelstrom, unable to sleep, or get up the energy to do much of anything, I ended up channel surfing.  Even this could be a minefield, though.  Running across a show or movie my mother loved could be a stab in the heart.  Crime shows or anything else that featured death could trigger a panic attack.  Happy shows with normal people not suffering like I was?  Well, that was just insulting.

I probably ended up on Comedy Central because that seemed like the safest option for my mood.  Up next, oh, it’s that puppet show that kind of looked interesting, but Mom didn’t like because they talked over the movies.  That was always our job, making snarky comments if the movie was silly or bad.

I left it on because I needed SOMETHING.  And while she hadn’t liked it, it kind of reminded me of being with her, snarking on a ridiculous thing we’d rented that week.

I don’t know that I got all the way through the movie segment.  I think it was the Viking Women one, a bland hour of nothing that numbed the brain, even with the jokes.  But there was a short at the beginning, a Home Economics thing.  And watching that, I felt...happy.  Ish.

And then I kind of got sucker-punched into actual laughter.  There’s a bit in the short, showing a cheerleading couple do their thing.  And the guys sing, “Look at my crotch, look at my crotch, yayyyyy, crotch!” in time with it.  Rewatching it today, it’s not nearly as funny as in my memory.  But at the time...it was a ray of ridiculous cheer.  It was probably the first actual laugh I’d produced in at least two years.

So I started looking for the show.  And oh, how lucky, lucky, LUCKY I was in that one portion of time.  It was summer, and Comedy Central was doing a top episode countdown that month.  Every single weeknight was a new Mystery Science Theater 3000.  And I needed every single one.  It became my thing.  I started recording it so I could have it when it wasn’t on the air.  Catching the new episode on weekends also became a big deal.  In later years, when it came on at 6am my time (thanks ever so much, SciFi channel), I would drag myself out of bed just so I could watch it live. 

And I was starting to get better.  Yes, there were other factors at play in my life, things that probably helped.  It may be that I would have gotten better regardless.  It could be that it could have been anything that made me laugh that pulled me out of my mental lock and given me comfort.

But it was MST3K.  It was Joel, Mike, the Bots and the Mads that were there for me, making me laugh when I’d forgotten how to.  It was the comfort of feeling like I was watching movies with someone, instead of all alone.  And they are still there, helping me today.  I own every Rifftrax Short, and many of the movies.  I have the four Film Crew DVDs.  I have some MST3K DVDs, I have some of the legal downloads, and I have a host of YouTube downloads of things I couldn’t get the other ways.  And some are duplicates, but I watch the YouTube because they are VHS recordings made during that very same summer countdown.  Seeing that pre-show title card touches my soul, and tells me, “you weren’t totally alone back then.”  Because someone else was watching, and cared enough to record it, and cared enough to put it online.

I can’t always watch the Turkey Day livestream.  I know I won’t be able to this year, because of things I have to do tomorrow.  (Continuing the family tradition of our Thanksgivings being kinda shitty.)  But I’m very glad it’s a thing, and continues to be a thing.  And later on, I will pull up my own MST3K copies, and watch.

There’s really no better way for me to celebrate the fact that I’m still alive, in spite of it all.  Keep circulating the tapes!

[luckycloud808]

weird asks that say a lot from @julietgiulia​

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Coffee mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? Chocolate 

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Neither

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? Shy, conscientious, perfectionist

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Glasses

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? All contributors

7. earbuds or headphones? Earbuddies :)

8. movies or tv shows? Movies

9. favourite smell in the summer? Hot soil, flowering plants, fruit and needle trees, post rain, towel after ocean swim, wind through car window driving through forest(ed highway)

10. game you were best at in p.e.? Hockey, soccer, california kickball, high jump and arm hang? 

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? Usually oatmeal or millet with omegas, fruit and oat milk or avocado bagel with black pepper and nutritional yeast

12. name of your favourite playlist? A nice mix for ness

13. lanyard or key ring? Key ring

14. favourite non-chocolate candy? Licorice, candied fennel or anise seeds

15. favourite book you read as a school assignment? Les miserables, The thief lord, The cellist of Sarajevo - off the top

16. most comfortable position to sit in? Slumpy posture, one leg over or under the other, knee tuck or apple sauce

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? Hiking boots or black sambas

18. ideal weather? Sunny after rain a little windy

19. sleeping position? No pillow usually on my left or on my back or front with one leg bent 

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? Notebook or notes app

21. obsession from childhood? Fairies and making homes

22. role model? Opa

23. strange habits? Not sure what qualifies as strange

24. favourite crystal? Not really into them but maybe jade or quartz 

25. first song you remember hearing? I turned out a punk or something by Joe Strummer

26. favourite activity to do in warm weather? Backpacking

27. favourite activity to do in cold weather? Cuddling, snowy adventuring, dancing

28. five songs to describe you? Hazel (bob dylan), Planted a thought (arthur russell), Junie (solange), Corridor of dreams (the cleaners from venus), Even cowgirls get the blues (emmylou harris)

29. best way to bond with you? Quality time, presence, care, spontaneity / silly curiousity

30. places that you find sacred? Oma and Opa’s yard and greenhouse, forest, Veluwe, ocean

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Floral dress, nice earrings with sambas and sweatshirt or hiking boots, wool socks and over shirt, with shorts and tank top

32. top five favourite vines? Fresh avocado is the only one that comes to mind

33. most used phrase in your phone? Yay sweet and or That’s funny

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? Can’t think of any

35. average time you fall asleep? 2am

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably one of those justgirlythings ones here or Fb I have no idea

37. suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. lemonade or tea? Tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon tart

40. weirdest thing to ever happen to you at your school? High school - Maybe bear spray yoe evac? authority figure telling me what I was wearing was inappropriate? psych teacher crying in class? Post sec - Tiktok famous boy makes a tiktok of me knitting in psych class? boy crushing steals my textbook just to get me to go to his car so he can return it to me? 

41. last person you texted? Daisy 🌼

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? BOTH

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie

44. favourite scent for soap? Rose, patchouli, rosemary, lavendar, mint, etc.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Naked 

47. favourite type of cheese? Cashew cheese or if I could brie

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? White nectarine but there are so many to try!

49. what saying or quote do you live by? “She walked with her entire body as if to gain momentum for an event in which her entire body would participate.” - Anaïs Nin (A spy in the house of love)

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? Probably my kid best friend

51. current stresses? Health issues, unstable income

52. favorite font? Freight rn

53. what is the current state of your hands? Coffee shakes

54. what did you learn from your first job? Hundreds of PLU’s, how to pack groceries, how messy and wasteful people are, that everyone should have to do a customer service job in their lifetime, how really great and awful people are, that I shouldn’t let other people’s stresses make me feel like I should be stressed, that quitting is good sometimes

55. favourite fairy tale? The six swans, Vasalisa the wise, Baba yaga, Bluebeard, Rumpelstiltskin, The red shoes, The velvet ribbon, Goldilocks and the three bears, and many many more

56. favourite tradition? Writing letters and cards, dressing up for halloween, celebrating birthdays

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Eating disorder, depression and heartbreak (although these are things I still need to keep being overcome)

58. four talents you’re proud of having? Writing, taking notes, learning about my body, feeling for what resonates

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Heyo, how bout that!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? Nausicaä of the valley of the wind (hayao miyazaki)

61. favourite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? Recently found on my Tumblr feed from a book waiting on my shelf: “I want to believe, walking those aimless nights, that I was praying. For what I’m still not sure. But I always felt it was just ahead of me. That if I walked far enough, long enough, I would find it–perhaps even hold it up, like a tongue at the end of its word.” - Ocean Vuong (On earth we’re briefly gorgeous)

62. seven characters you relate to? In no particular order, not long thought out: 1) Sabina (A spy in the house of love), 2) Elio (Call me by your name), 3) Patti (Just kids), 4) Sally (The ruby in the smoke), 5) Camille (Un amour de jeunesse), 6) Dani (Midsommar), 7) Orla (Derry Girls)

63. five songs that would play in your club? I follow rivers - the magician remix (lykke li), JA! (bizzey), Gasolina (daddy yankee), Nice for what (drake), This must be the place - naive melody (talking heads) / love my way (psychedelic furs)

64. favourite website from your childhood? Myscene, Club penguin - those free gaming websites 

65. any permanent scars? A few on my face from tables and my dog, one on my knee from flip flops on a boat launch, a few burns here and there that probably aren’t permanent

66. favourite flower(s)? Always changing, echinacea and yellow roses rn

67. good luck charms? Change on the ground, nice earrings, well worn shoes, spotting flowers or animals

68. worst flavour of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Cream of mushroom

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? Popped in my head, maybe not the most fun - the flower bud in the centres of apple tree fruiting spurs make the king fruit (the biggest and best apple from each spur) and if you pick the king blossom then all the surrounding blossoms will be bigger and better 

70. left or right handed? Right

71. least favourite pattern? Galaxy?

72. worst subject? Economics

73. favourite weird flavour combo? Miso and apple, blueberries and coconut curry, orange juice and beer (I don't know if its really possible to find a “weird” combo maybe it’s more like “not found in my culture”)

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? 5 if 0 is no pain (I don't think I’ve been above 8.5)

75. when did you lose your first tooth? No idea

76. what’s your favourite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? Gnocchi or boerenkool

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? Flowering plants

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Station coffee

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? School id

80. earth tones or jewel tones? Earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? I don't think I have much experience with either

82. pc or console? I cannot either way

83. writing or drawing? This is my kryptonite question

84. podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts if I had to choose

84. barbie or polly pocket? Polly pocket

85. fairy tales or mythology? Mythology (stories are linked more)

86. cookies or cupcakes? Cookies

87. your greatest fear? My health issues keep accumulating and getting worse forever

88. your greatest wish? My health issues resolve

89. who would you put before everyone else? Myself, Suzmom or Marleymoon

90. luckiest mistake? Choosing mini school, don't regret it but maybe not the best decision

91. boxes or bags? Bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Sunlight and rocksalt lamps

93. nicknames? Ness, nessie, nessa, bean, bear, benjamin, kindje, sweet pea

94. favourite season? Late spring or late summer

95. favourite app on your phone? Flo, Spotify, Google maps, notes, weather, find my

96. desktop background? Santa Catalina Island off the coast of Southern California

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? 7+

98. favourite historical era? I love revolutions and renaissances but all of em have hard times and good times

[opaljm]

Oh hii! I know this is a question ASK but I wanted to say THANK YOU for your hard work on this blog and every fic you’ve written. You have no idea how happy your writing has made me. During 2020 and this year I have lost 99% of my friends and only two remain, I graduated university this summer and I’ve felt nothing short of sad, upset and unaccomplished. I lost a dear friend whom I thought was my forever friend. She got a bf and completely forgot about me, didn’t answer read messages for months and just overall ignored me….that hurt me so much😭 Since I barely go out, much less now that I have no job and nobody ever asks me out😅 While job seeking I’ve spent hours on TUMBLR to ease my reader mind [*cough* RM biased *cough*] and I’ve stumbled upon your amazing blog. I’ve been feeling so much better and I feel like I’m part of something yk😊 And I’m so grateful for you and your talent, you should be appreciated more often. So THANK YOU✨Take care of yourself❤️

Hi babe,

I just wanted to let you know what you're feeling is completely justified. I know so many people who have been in the same situation as you or who just got out of that situation. Graduating from college seems to be what truly cements adulthood for a lot of us these days but it's really weird because of the pandemic. It sucks losing all of your college friends, I understand that somewhat... I graduated in 2020 from uni and our senior year was cut short by the pandemic. Online classes and moving back home etc. made it hard for me to keep in touch with a lot of my friends, though I will say, if a friendship is important enough to both parties they'll both put in the work to make it grow and flourish. I'm sorry you felt all alone but good things are coming your way I just know it.

The job market is brutal right now, I relate to this as well. I put in my blood, sweat, and tears into all my internships over the years only to have all of them tell me when I was finally going to graduate and ready to work a full time job that they were downsizing or economizing or they just couldn't afford to take me on right now. It sucks, and job hunting isn't any better. I actually decided to put a halt on my job hunting rn to go back to school. So I fully understand what you're going through as someone who was in a similar situation.

I think that's why it means so much to me to hear that my page and my stories could offer you such a solace during such a hard time. You were finding comfort in my writing while I was finding comfort in writing my thoughts out. I feel like this is why a lot of my stories used to be more angsty (especially in 2020) but it does get better. And I have no doubt in my mind that you'll make it out of this rut on the other side with a great job and much better social life! I'm rooting for you. Thank you for showing so much love to my stories 💕💕💕

[miedei]

omg at least your school's got a choir 🤧 we don't have one cause that's a club & we're only allowed to join ONE club 🤡 so although i have 0 chance @ getting that club loyalty award i say fuck it lmao that only happened in elementary when i joined the home economics club with my bestie skdjskdj but like i've been going around clubs in hs like fucking mad sjdnksjd i've been in band club for 7th grade, some sort of revolutionary shit club or something idrk for 8th (only joined that cause i loved the club's teacher lmao), then online in 9th grade i got into the book club (where i did absolutely nothing cause online classes in itself is already stressful but then the band club teacher heard about me struggling in book club so she just let me pass like 1 performance of svt's fallin' flower on keyboard & give me a grade for the whole year for club 😭😭😭 she's the only teacher i've ever been comfortable around ngl hhh)

also lol we were gone for the weekend here & spent it with family friends but i felt kinda bad at the end while thinking about it cause all of it included my boy bestie (not the home economics bestie, though she was there too lol) making fun of me for doing literally fucking anything :// tiny mistake? follows me for my whole life. he's got a list of jokes he repeats when i make one mistake. "hahaha you're so fucking short and blind you can't even hit the shuttlecock how can someone be so shit at sports lmaooo" (dw though i'm planning on talking to him about it next time bc i really don't want to wallow in bad feelings esp with him since ik it's his defense mechsnism- i only know part of what he's going through so i just want him to know i'm already getting hurt by it after all those years yk)

but to like attempt to make myself feel better that night while i didn't have wifi to comfort myself by drowning in enha content, yk what popped into my head? the band au. rivals au. riki brainrot. yk those one-sided rivalry shit? so riki "hates" reader/vice versa & every time they have a show together one of them will try to 1-up the other while the other's just oblivious to it yk like tricks, solos, fills, just anything & everything petty 💀 could end romantically could just not bc i just ✨riki✨ at this point 🛐 (why does this damned phone not have the other kneeling emojis 😒 but this one works ig 🤡)

also idk if you stan txt but like in their relay dance for lo$er=lo♡er kai spins on the mic stand & nearly faceplants lmao that's literally what i imagined jungwon doing while trying to copy hee in the exchanged instruments thing 💀💀💀 (tell me if you don't know what i'm talking about & i'll send you a link next time i conmect to wifi cause i'm on data rn sjdhjsf)

- drummer anon who's gonna go sleep now 😙

omg only 1??? i would not be able to choose 😳 what are you going to do this year?

oh no that sucks :(( those sort of friends can really hurt your feeling i hope he understands and apologizes you don't deserve that bby

ENEMIES TO LOVERS BAND AU????? IM THINKING LIKE SOME SORT OF TOURNAMENT??? (this is eerily similar to a stray kids fanfiction i wrote when i was like 13- a singing tournament enemies to lovers on wattpad ughhh those days haunt me) the talent that would arise and people would always want them to work together because they're so fucking talented but they REFUSE??? hhhhhh brainrot

omg yeah that would be jungwon hahahahahah i burst out laughing every time I see that chbdksdondmsk

[nyancheetosmusical]

BMC Orphan AU

Heck my dudes I’m supposed to be studying rn BUT I really wanted to share with you this random lil AU @justpidgance and I came up with.

Basically, Jeremy’s parents die or leave him or something when he was very young (Like 4-5 ish). But before they go, they get him to take a Squip, in the hopes that at least somebody will be there to take care of their son.

Below the cut is a copy-paste dump of ideas we had. Enjoy!

So like, Jeremy is an orphan, and he gets a Squip when he's a lil kid (like his parents knew they weren't going to be around so they got him one). And the Squip, raises Jeremy, which is pretty hard when you're not corporeal. But like he leads Jeremy places and he basically helps him live on the street, but like he's a little kid so he just thinks that it's a parent.

Like the Squip leads Jeremy under a bridge and helps him find stuff to build a small "home"

And he is always checking what places are giving free food and stuff

Sometimes he'll play "games" with Jeremy like "try to throw the rock onto the bridge right....now!" And he does and the rock (just like the Squip calculated) gets stuck in the wheels of a bike which is delivering pizza, and the bike crashes and a pizza flies off the bridge, and Jeremy catches it and look! Food for a couple days!

At night he tells him stories to help him sleep

And uses his abilities to help regulate his body temperature and stuff so he doesn't wake up

But the worst part is that the Squip can't touch Jeremy. And Jeremy wants to have someone to hold

So the Squip figured that he can stimulate nerves so if feels as if Jeremy is holding something

He isn't but it feels like it

And Jeremy is honestly really happy

Like yeah life is kinda hard but the Squip is able to determine his moods and help him

School? Why go there if you have a supercomputer in your brain?

The squip tried real hard to get Jer enrolled but he has none of his legal stuff. Like Jeremy is technically not a person. And he wants him in school bc free meals and safety for 7 hours of the day. But he cant

If only Jeremy could make a friend...

MICHAEL MAKES AN ENTRANCE

Okay tbh the only reason I thought of this AU is bc I have "Be the Hero" from Big Fish stuck in my head and I really wanted the Squip to sing it to Jeremy and I needed a situation, and here we are. It's like all the stories he tells Jeremy, as well as his hopes that Jeremy can survive

https://youtu.be/bHoNw263X50 

AND THE SQUIP IS ABLE TO BRING JEREMY'S IMAGINATION TO LIFE 

Random HCs

The squip taking Jeremy to a b-day party at the park and joins in. And the parents there are like, “the more the merrier” so it’s all cool. Plus, he gets to make new friends and have cake !

Whenever Jeremy does something good, the squip would play a clapping sound.

The Squip, on a regular basis, to feed Jeremy, takes him to vending machines and hacks them. he tries to get the healthiest food for him, so his body has the nutrients it needs, but one time he couldn't say no to them puppy dog eyes and gets Jeremy a poptart. Jeremy has never had a poptart before. The Squip takes him to a vent behind a store where hot air is coming out: “Hey, put the poptarts on the vent.” Jeremy has warm poptarts. "WOAh, THIS IS LIKE....so yummy." IF YOUR HUGS WERE A FOOD, THEY'D BE THIS!”

SQUIP FINDING WAYS TO TAKE JEREMY TO PLACES HE ALWAYS DREAMED OF GOING FOR HIS BDAY

SQUIP TELLING JER BEDTIME STORIES WHEN HE'S SCARED

SQUIP ENCOURAGES JER TO MAKE FRIENDS, SO HE MEETS MICHAEL

SQUIP MAKING JOKES ABOUT JERS INSANELY GROWING HEIGHT

SQUIP WANTS HIM TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH A PERSON WHO IS ECONOMICALLY MORE WELL OFF

BUT JER LIKES MICHAEL SO MUCH

But like won't michael's parents get suspicious?

This kid keeps coming over and he has no parents...

AND HIJACKS TWO PEOPLE ALSO WITH SQUIPS AND THEY COME AND PRETEND TO BE HIS PARENTS

and the Squip can't be out with him (cause Squip is always vvisibly manifested with Jer) so he just has to play along

And afterwards when Jer is alone the Squip is like "is everything alright?"

"...why don't I have a mom and a dad like Michael?"

"....I....I don't know, Jeremy"

and the Squip feels kind of bad, cause he realizes that even though he's doing his best he can never be parents

Jeremy is sitting there and drawing in the dirt and he just says: "I'm glad I have you then."

OXYTOCIN IS A HORMONE IN THE BRAIN THAT IS RELEASED WHEN A PARENT HOLD THEIR CHILD (ESPECIALLY AFTER CHILDBIRTH) IN BOTH BRAINS THAT STIMULATES BONDING

SO THE SQUIP IS TRYING TO RAISE JEREMY NORMAL

SO WHENEVER HE "TOUCHES" HIM

HE STIMULATES THE RELEASE OF OXYTOCIN

SO THAT JEREMY CAN FORM A BOND WITH HIM

(sorry about the all caps there I really love science and got excited about it)

The Squip’s visible form (only visiblle to Jeremy btw) after a while starts to manifests physicla traits Jeremy has in order to further develop their bond; like freckles, same eye color, body build.

Jeremy’s outfit in BMC (stripe shirt, blue jacket, etc) is a version of what his Squip wears.

Swimming HCS:

Squip sneaks him to a kiddo pool at some public place (so there's lifeguards in case) and they just have a fun time. and jer giggles as he tries out his attempts, and the squip finds it adorable. these sessions take place once or twice a week, and finally at some point jer Is able to swim a bit and hold his breath under water

Jer is learning how to swim with help from the squip, but since this is very new he has a very hard time with it. and at one point, jer just starts sinking deeper into the pool and starts coughing and the squip begins to panic. and there's nothing he can really do to help, and he just screams in jers head to try to swim towards the edge of the pool. and that doesn't work, so he tries to take control of jers body but he's loosing connection because of what's happening to Jeremy.

Luckily, a lifeguard dives in and gets jer to safety. but in this moment the squip starts to think he's dangerous for Jeremy-he realizes how little help he really is for jeremy. he needs somebody who'll actually be there for him rather than something as useless as a voice.

Imagine the Squip being so nervous that Jeremy might be taken into an orphanage and he might not be able to leave; the Squip knows that things might not go well. So as soon as Jeremy comes to, the Squip takes over his body and pumps him full of adrenaline and RUNS. Once they're safe, he lets Jeremy in and Jeremy is so tired. Also, a little scared of the Squip

And the Squip wonder if maybe an orphanage would be better than him

The squip convinces jer to go to a vending machine as an apology, and gets Jeremy poptarts AND skittles cause Jeremy has always wanted skittles and the Squip apologizes a lot. And even asks him: “Do you want someone to take care of you that's not me? I....I can't always be there for you.”

But Jer is just quiet, and the Squip is sad cause he thinks the answer is yes. The squip really wants to like comfort him, but he doesn't want to pressure him. So instead, sometimes, to make Jer feel better he'll release oxytocin or dopamine or other hormonesor serotonin I forgot that one

to help him feel better.Also, he wants to "touch" him,  but this is a choice Jeremy has to make on his own. And Jeremy is eating his skittles, and he picks up one and show it to the Squip:

Jer:  "Look at this letter!"

Squip:  "...that's an s."

Jer: "Uh-huh! I love all things that start with the letter S!"

Squip:  "....what-"

Jer: "Skittles, sea horses, socks, and Squips!"

And the squip melts a little

Squip: "Jeremy, are you sure? You saw what I did to you today, didn't that make you afraid?"

Jer: "Well, it did, and it was really scary, but....you did it because you love me, right?"

Squip: "Y-yeah...."

Jer: "So I forgive you! You we're just trying to help. And you even said sorry and got me skittles!:

Squip: "....what on earth did I do to deserve you."

Jer: "that's a silly thing to say! Oh, look at this, they're all in the rainbow order!"

The Squip in public with Jeremy:

It has to be like "Listen, Jeremy, you're not allowed to talk about me in front of other people, okay?"

"but why not?"

"don't worry about it, okay? And remember, what do we say when someone asks about your parents?"

"uhm....Oh yeah! They live just down the street!"

"Perfect! Alright, we can go to the park now."

"Yay! Can you play the drum song?"

"If you skip to the beat, then yes"

The squip uses powers of internet to play song and Jer skips to the park. To anyone watching, it's just a kid having a good time, running to the park.

And then @justpidgance and I had to torture each other with angst

Jeremy going to the hospital and the doctors find the squip and remove it, and Jer wakes up all alone, no parents or squip coming for him.

So he has to figure out what a squip WAS and either save up money for one or steal it and take it again.WAIT, THE MOST HORRIBLE PART: NOW HE'S A TEENAGER,  THE SQUIP IS DIFFERENT, IT JUST WANTS HIM TO BE POPULAR. So now he has the only person he thought he loved in his brain telling himm how horrible he is

The Squip used to stimulates shocks to allow Jeremy to ‘feel him’, but the new squip doesn’t do that. So purposely, Jeremy slouches or does something stupid so the new squip can shock him. Even if it hurts, he needs to have that feeling again.

The squip telling him to stop expecting love and compassion from him:

"I'm a supercomputer, not your parents"

"how did you even survive out here as long as you did?"

"....it was you"

"well if it was I must have done a pretty terrible job, I mean look at you?!"

"....you told me I was just right the way I am...."

"Well I must have been faulty, because you are not.

AND THE SQUIP PICKS UP ON THIS PRETTY QUICK. SO HE WILL, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE SAY SOMETHING NICE OR MAKE JEREMY FEEL GOOD

“....well done, Jer-Bear.”

“!!! Th-thank you so much!”

“Stop smiling, your teeth are not fixed and it makes you look very unappealing.”

“R...right. Sorry.”

“Let’s go.”

JUST SO JEREMY KEEPS LISTENIN’  BECAUSE JEREMY JUST HOPES OLD SQUIP WILL COME BACK