#holy fuck an actual question??
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I contracted a plague again thus am just sending random doodles I've done and just haven't posted yet
My secret (I enjoy using cat cuddling photos for references)
#See#who's gonna stop me is the real question#I was in fact listening to the darktide ost while drawing fluff like the freak I am#In my defense it's funny#Also Disposal Unit theme my beloved#Absolutely carried me through drawing motivation I swear#digital art#art#hollow knight#the hollow knight#quirrelhollow#quirrel#hk quirrel#hk hollow knight#Idk on that topic on my fluff post (the irony) it is VERY tempting to post some of my painted Warhammer figures#But this is also the same blog I post two bugs kissing on#āHoly fuck a quirrelhollow postā what the hell is that?ā And it's fucking nurgle on post immediately after š#Actually that sounds pretty funny might do#Or some of my silly painted eldritch d&d creatures I have#Combining my two hyperfixations by painting hk themed game figures is SO tempting now that I think of it
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vector portrait for digital imaging class of RGB!! hey go read The Property of Hate if you havenāt already btw itās an amazing comic by @modmad that iāve been hotglued to since my junior year of high school.
big thank you to mod for giving their permission/blessing to wrestle with this horrible tv bastard in adobe illustrator for the express purpose of shilling him and this comic to my unsuspecting class <3
(edit: god okay pls click for fullscreen. hogy shit)
#tpoh#the property of hate#rgb#modmad#thereās a lot more i was planning to do w this but bleeeegggggjhhhh#i donāt own a laptop so i have to do all my hw for this class in the library + i live off-campus + i had office hours that day#7 hours in the library fighting with adobe illustrator on 5 hours of sleep and no food in my body said No Youāre Done Now Actually#i have another project coming up that uses this one in it so iām gonna get to make a diptych of this motherfucker next >:3#tpohās been eating my brain again as of late holy hell the hyperfixation clobbered me#what the fuck is my art tag. do i even have an art tag#my art#nox art#there. perfectly serviceable >:p#btw the working file name for this was actually horribletvbastard.ai so . now you know that i guess#yes the halo effect is intentional. no i donāt no how to use adobe illustrate. further questions may be taken outside#anyway THANKS MOD I LOVE YOUR BOY AND YOUR COMIC AND YOUR ART <33333
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Hasbro heard about Monster High making a comeback and they came out mad as FUCK with these dolls
#holy FUCK#mlp#mlp g5#equestria girls#i literally havent been this hyped for a doll line in a long time. maybe ever. fucking look at them#they look amazing#how did we go from g4 eqg dolls to THESE#theyre BEAUTIFUL#srry i said text posts were done but this is pony related so its fine#LOOK AT THEM#the face sculpts and screenings. the different heights. the clothing silohettes. the ARTICULATION#buying these the FUCKING SECOND they go on sale. I MUST HAVE THEM#g5 toyline in general has been pretty disappointing and cheap. these have absolutely blown my expectations out of the WATER#not art#sunny is my favorite. her design is amazing#translating the rainbow hair stripe to be on her shirt instead. fantastic#only question is why is izzy the shortest one when shes the tallest pony? but thats not really a complaint. just an observation#look at izzys cute ass boots. the bunny ears....#the clothes are arill hasbro quality and will probably be papery and whatever#but im more focused on the actual designs since im just gonna be displaying them and not really touching them
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Hey Good Omens fandom! Iām still having a very hard time. I tried reading a summary of the podcast all the allegations are from and even that I started to feel like my skin was burning and I had to fight off a panic attack. Iām realizing I need to let my nervous system reset before I attempt to follow it anymore because itās still on high alert from the full blown ptsd panic attack I had.
So! More positives to focus on instead! I hope anyone reading did something to take care of themself today, whether theyāre also having trouble or not. Everyone deserves self care and love.
Good things I did for myself today:
-I didnāt shame myself for eating a second little mini cake at work. In fact I told myself I deserved it and believed it.
-work was awful so I danced it out for a half hour to my Spotify Femininomenon playlist (not just Chappell Ronan, itās upbeat songs by all kick ass female artists) and Iām feeling a lot better and my head is clear enough to study.
-and you know, nbd, I came out to my mom so thereās that. Itās weird being 36 and coming outā¦it went maybe not as good as I hope but not as bad as I worried about. She is 100% accepting in terms of identity, itās more she kinda questioned if it was real, which is what was keeping me from telling her. Ultimately she said she loves me and she just wants me to be who I am and be happy.
Anyone need something cute to take their mind off things? Below the cut there are pictures of my cat Marty, my little demon child (he is a stereotypical orange cat terror but also so snuggly and sweet). His gotcha day is tomorrow and his favorite treat is kale (yes, you read that right).
In the first I mean look how happy he is. But he mainly makes absurd faces as he eats it, but he has literally stolen it out of my grocery bags and jumped in my fridge to get it.
#please take care of yourselves#good omens#good omens fandom#holy fucking shit itās kinda hitting me I came out to my momā¦#that happenedā¦#so. yeah.#happy belated Pride to me?#I actually donāt think I mentioned panromantic just asexual#but I mentioned having āgirl crushesā and realizing they were just crushesā¦#maybe thatās why she questioned things a bitā¦#but still yeah I did that
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profs will set the due date for the final as april 24 and then STILL NOT HAVE THE FUCKING ASSIGNMENT UP TO SUBMIT THE PAPER BY 11PM ON APRIL TWENTY FUCKING THIRD
#ALEC. BESTIE. PLEASE. I AM BARELY PASSING YOUR CLASS AS IT IS I NEED YOU TO WORK WITH ME HERE#i feel the need to explain the level of bullshit that has been going on with this particular final actually because holy shit.#he first told us about it about 3 weeks ago which. fine. but all he said was 'you will have to pick a topic and write a paper'#like nothing about what the topic should relate to how the paper should be organized word count etc. literally nothing#radio silence for 2 weeks. we all forgot about it. then out of the blue 'btw your papers are due in a week lol!'#so we all scramble to figure out what the hell the assignment actually is#come to find out he never actually posted the assignment brief on canvas as an assignment. the only way we can access it is via a pdf#linked in ANOTHER UNRELATED ASSIGNMENT.#the project brief in question describes several in-class activities we straight up have not done.#no one actually knows if it's really due tomorrow or next week because he keeps pushing shit back and DOESNT ANSWER EMAILS#but the date on the syllabus is the 24th. and there is still nowhere online where we can submit our papers at all.#jesus fucking christ in heaven#personal#he is going to be getting a. shall we say INTERESTING professor review from me. lmao
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185.2ē« ļ¼ę¾äøļ¼čæęÆåęļ¼åÆč“ŗļ¼ęęåÆę²ļ¼
// Chapter 185.2: Detachment v. Repression
This ramble concerns To Your Eternity manga Chapter 185.2. It is edited from a conversation between (yea you guessed it) @bestbonnist and me after the chapter dropped before I had to hastily run off because sorry gotta see shits with my Besto Furrendo! Lisan al-Ghaib! Lisan al-Ghaib!!!
Although this chapter is devoid of hype momentsāunlike C184.1 where plenty of us were sent into a frenzyā and good old macabre, this is genuinely one of my favorite chapters to date.
Because it became a really nice philosophical discussion between friends. Sounds a tad cheesy when I say it like that...
(1) Two Different Perspectives on Fushi's Latest State of Mind
Ray expressed dismay that Fushi's coping mechanism seems to gave become even more terrible because they are essentially repressing their emotions. They are telling themself not to feel anything and to be detached. In the Wish Era, Fushi seemed to have become more resigned to their fate, which became starkly apparent when contrasted by the Doll and Andy's loud, outward desire to see Abel live.
That dismal observation actually stunned meābecause I happened to see this development in a positive light. What better state of mind should Fushi aspire to attain apropos to their immortality... if not a state of non-attachment? After all, if they don't learn to be so, then the sheer impermanence of life will torment them forever. To me, non-attachmentāor in a more English-natural manner of speaking, detachmentāis a goal worthy of pursuing, even if it is often fraught with erratic instances such as mistaking "repressing one's emotions" as similar to "being genuinely unperturbed."
----
(2) The Benefits of Attachment
In this story's universe, attachment keeps a person's faie (their soul) around.
Hence, to Ray, Fushi's loss of attachment implies their death (which I agree is a reasonable projection for the end of this story). When they no longer have anything to doāno goalāthen it is time for them to move on.
But more than that, there's this other thing Ray is worried about. The manga asked whether Fushi is human, especially in its earlier exploration. Whether they think they are human. Therefore, it's hard to see Fushi's detachment as anything other than dehumanizing themself ("I'm not human so I don't deserve to be attached/feel bad when people I care about die.") It's one step to Fushi's progression into becoming a deity at the expense of their humanity.
This prospect is upsetting because they wanna see Fushi leave as a human being, as someone who dies after living a satisfying life like Yuuki did.
Ray also argued that there's a difference between acceptance and detachment. "Acceptance is acknowledging that something is out of your control and acknowledging that the way you feel about that." To them, Fushi seemed to have acknowledged that something was out of their control, but they hadn't yet acknowledged their feelings toward it.
Then, they conceded that while Fushi was frank about being pained by people leaving, ultimately, the dude seemed deadset on trying to ignore that pain altogether. "Fushi isn't good at being 'above' feeling things!"
I agree with this. Of course, they aren't! One of Fushi's powers is supernatural empathy. They can't ignore the sensation of pain or (occasionally) love in their vicinity even if they try. Feeling shit is what they do, willingly or not. And from an emotional connection like that, one easily forms attachments.
---
(3) The Common Error: Mistaking Detachment with Apathy
Strangely, at that point in our conversation, it became clear that Ray thought Fushi should not be detached because it stops them from accepting deathāwhile I think Fushi should learn to be detached because it helps them to accept death. Same destination, but different ways of assessing detachment as a path.
Now, of course, when I use the term "detachment" or "non-attachment" (preferred), I'm once again drawing it from a Buddhist philosophical perspective. Because dude, it's me, ēæå¾å¤±ćYou fucking signed up for this the moment you talk to me, bwaahhahahahaha!
Even Buddhists, born and raised, often make the mistake of conflating "equanimity," which non-attachment encourages, with "apathy."
One of the four sublime qualities (brahmavihÄrÄ), equanimity (upekkhÄ) is the state of being unwavering and unperturbed even in the face of loss and gain [1], good-repute and ill-repute, praise and censure, and sorrow and happiness. Its far enemiesāas in, its direct contrasting vicesāare greed and resentment. But its near enemyāthe quality mendaciously close to equanimityāis apathy.
[1] Just a little aside: this is why I joked that Fushi should take up my self-given Chinese name in our conversation. ēæå¾å¤± means "being wise (about one's) gain and loss." The hope of attaining some semblance of upekkha is built into the name already.
Plenty of people think being detached means being uncaring and indifferent, and that it has some elements of dehumanization to itābe it to other people or to yourself. But it's not. Being detached is to keep a balance between concern and coercion. It's expressing compassion while being mindful not to conflate your genuine care with your desire to will things and people to bend to the state or situation you wanted.
Fushi and us mortals could easily realize one fact about life: it is truly impermanent. The desire to impose our will on the universeāas if there is some supernatural feature to our will that can influence things to happenāis a source of agitation. Life doesn't bend to our will; it indifferently stays impermanent even when we demand it to be permanent in some sort of personal bliss.
In Buddhist thought, it's our actions and intentions that impart changes. Our will (and our demanding desires) don't. We'll revisit this in our 5th Chapter later.
In other words! Contrary to Ray's interpretation, I see being detached not as imposing a limit on your compassion but liberating it from constraints. Now that you're detached, your mode of compassion is centered around the situation and people as they are, not as you hope them to be. True compassion asks for nothing in returnānot because you suppress your demands, but because you genuinely have none to begin with.
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(4) Fushi's Laudable Baby Steps
What really made me think that Fushi had grown here was their insistence that whether Abel lives or dies is "his decision to make."
Not Fushi's, despite their god-like powers. Not Doll or Andy, despite their love and attachment to Abel. It's Abel's choice. All Fushi can do is to accept whatever the man saysāand that acceptance is only possible if they begin practicing detachment. After all, attachment results in the reactions Doll and Andy expressed.
To me, Fushi is taking a step in the right direction already. This is the kind of wisdom I think an immortal, most of all, should gradually pick up (I also think mortals like us should, too, but that's beside the point).
Here is where I think Ray's criticisms warrant merits in my interpretation: Actually practicing detachment/non-attachment is hard as fuck. I wouldn't deny that though it doesn't make you an apathetic non-human, you're not gonna be very normal-humanlike if you manage to be equanimous either. While learning to be detached, one often takes up a lot of problematic tactics and mistakes it to be detachment.
One such misguided tactic? Suppression of emotions. You force yourself to pretend you're not feeling anything instead of facing them and realizing their falsity while believing you're being detached. So Ray's concerns are completely warranted, because I don't believe Fushi has consummated their learning either. They wouldn't have lied about the massacre if they were really that detached.
Repressing your emotion, as a tactic, is wrong, but it is the hallmark of someone who's trying to get there, especially when you compound it with the philosophy Fushi was articulating. They care. But they are also being clear-eyed about the limits of their demand.
I don't think they seem resigned here. I think they are being wise. Baby steps, and their method is imperfect, but good nonetheless.
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(5) Yuuki the GOAT and His Biggest W Yet
Fushi grappled with wanting to impose their will to make others live as long as they in the Modern Arc, right? That's one of their biggest and most constant sources of dukkha (dissatisfaction/suffering). But Yuuki's satisfying death and life... actually steered him in the right direction!
Fushi didn't come to earn detachment because of some horrible, tragic death turning them jaded and cynical. They learned because Yuuki's life and death were that fucking good.
Learning philosophy from pain is all well and good. It is usually how people learn it (few would give a fuck about existentialism or Buddhist philosophy or stoicism or what-have-you if they weren't in a personal crisis). But learning philosophy from joy is a whole other thing. Whatever you learned from that instance has no hint of jadedness and cynicism to corrupt your thinking; it's like making a decision when you're at the most optimal state.
This is Yuuki's victory. He influenced and taught Fushi without giving him pain or trauma to live by. He was not some main character of a tragedy despite outwardly looking like a bumbling normie.
Think about it: none of the Immortals who were attached to Fushi, until now, had been capable of influencing and teaching them without accidentally leaving some grief, pain, and trauma!
Why does Fushi take on Yuuki's form so much latelyāif not because Yuuki is the only one who managed to teach them without the use of pain or trauma or anything like that?
And as Ray pointed out, Yuuki was the form embodying "Peace." Even his death was offscreen and peaceful. On a bed, unpoisoned and unhurt. Fushi remembers him constantly because he makes them feel at ease.
"It's our actions and intentions that impart changes," that was what I mentioned in Chapter 3 of this long-ass ramble. Here it is exemplified. People inherit the fruits of other people's actions (and you yourself are one of those who will inherit your own actions, too). And well? These are the fruits of Yuuki's actions that Fushi continues to reap even now.
That's how complete Yuuki's W is. He managed to leave just the kind of food for thought for an Immortal that eventually set them up to grasp the kind of wisdom they lacked. Who says the Modern Arc has no lessons?
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(6) Conclusion, or The Abrupt Ending of a Conversation
As you can tell, I really don't think Fushi's latest development is bad. Bittersweet and a bit of a mixed bag, sure, but I ultimately think it's commendable rather than worrisome. Of course, my ass interpreting things through a Buddhist lens has a lot to do with it, but brutha, this is exactly my niche! You should have seen me talk about non-self vis-a-vis Fushi in a YouTube comment section!
Ray did leave this paragraph that had eluded me because, again, the Muaa'dib was calling me and I really gotta go:
"I have a potential counter-argument for you, which is about how Fushi's ideal person to follow is kind of a mix of Yuuki (as you explained) and Kahaku (bag of mess and you haven't read that part of the present era anyways), which is putting the concept of detachment together with a really selfish kind of selflessness (as we talked about). But I'm not clear on whether that's still there after their fight with the left hand. I feel like it's lingering a little but I haven't seen much evidence for it in the wish era."
Now, I don't really know what that whole bit was like because I didn't actually read all of the Modern Arcājust the latter half. But again, "detachment" and "self-lessness" are complementary and forward-feeding to one another in Buddhist Philosophy, so on this concept alone, I don't see a clash.
I should probably clarify what Ray's "selfish kind of selflessness" meant here, but... I'm kinda tired now. And I've briefly touched on this in my essay about... Gojo Satoru, goddamn it.
Or maybe Ray should explain it themself! I distinctly remember someone owing me like, 3 essays or something. I'm such a kindhearted person I'm willing to give them a discount and accept just one essay for this week, though. Don't squander it, you!
Thank you for reading my ramble.
----
Did you enjoy this? If yes, wouldn't it be really fucking cool if you get to read essays and commentaries like these, alongside fanfic and fanart and other interesting bits, in one place?!
BECAUSE! We are thinking of starting a To Your Eternity zine! It's merely in its Interest Check phase, but you gotta fill this form up so we can see just how many people in our modest little fandom want this! Be a supporter or a contributor, it don't matter at this stage! Support is the currency here!
#Honestly even before I started writing this I wonder if I *should* ahahhah#Yesterday it seemed like a really prime essay material!#Today? Suddenly call its meaningfulness into question ahahhahaha#But man this work deserves a lot more essays than it's actually getting. It's sad that it doesn't even have enough! WE NEED TO REMEDY THIS!#Me trying to fill the void is truly a čäøę å¤§å° å»åä½å
é moment. āAn underqualified person answering a call because there's no one better.ā#or in Jujutsu Kaisen parlance: I'm fucking Kusakabe holy SHIT#AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO SAY āThroughout heaven and earth I am alone"...........#.....until I'm attending a convention as a TYE fan#fumetsu no anata e#to your eternity#tye#fushi#fnae#manga spoilers#Wish Era#buddhism#yes a buddhism tag because fuck it. This is a lecture in and of itself!#Kafka's Buddhism hammer to all nails
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Iām new here and I absolutely love your type of blogs with analysis and meta and long texts~~
I was wonderingāis Eunyung and Haejoonās relationship the kind that could be interpreted as romantic?
first of all, welcome and ty! and sorry it took me so long to reply, i hope u're still around anon. now to answer ur question
i'll take this opportunity to share all my thoughts on the topic bc i have Many.
TLDR: it is possible to read it as romantic if you really want to, but it's not meant to (at least not as of right now in the story aka ch.224)
deep dive under the cut as to why
-> can Eunyung and Haejoonās relationship be interpreted as romantic?
i like how you phrased that bc, the thing is, interpretation is very subjective. you're welcome and allowed to interpret things however you want, but in EY&HJ's case, i feel like you'd have to work a lil extra hard to get to that point.
-> is Eunyung and Haejoonās relationship meant to be interpreted as romantic?
this one's easy bc no. objectively Not. the genre of No Home is drama and slice of life (and once upon a time, horror). even if they were to ever end up in a romantic relationship, that's not what the story is about.
when i ask myself what the author's intention is with this story, i'd say it's to (realistically) portray how a young person with trauma would navigate another young person's trauma. and showing how easy it is to unintentionally fuck it up for various reasons: lacking context as to what exactly said trauma is, generally not knowing how to navigate it, their own trauma getting in the way, lacking the necessary resources. take your pick.
think of it like "how should i carry someone else's baggage when i have my own to deal with?" while also keeping in mind they're kids; they often don't have enough experience to know how to help, and even when they know what the right thing to do is, they're not old enough to take (legal) action.
and especially, the most heart-breaking yet realistic thing, when you're just getting to know someone, you can't know everything about them. it's so easy to accidentally do or say sth that cuts or offends when it wasn't meant to. but when they've got their own issues, it's hard not to take it personally (eg. EY talking about HJ's parents without knowing his mom died not long ago in the beginning of the story).
-> what even is Eunyung and Haejoonās relationship??
this one's so funny bc i have no idea how to answer and i'm convinced not even EY and HJ themselves would know how to answer. they're not really friends; they got off on the wrong foot and kept walking with two left feet way too much to call themselves friends. the things that pushed them together the most were the dorms (not anymore) and the same friend group (more or less since EY has multiple).
what fits them best i'd say is "the universe forced us together against our will and now we're stuck with one another altho we hate each other" (<- at least in the beginning) extended with the "misery loves company" sentiment. finding comfort in someone who gets it, even tho they only kinda get it but not really but it works out anyway except it doesn't <- THERE'S NO NAME FOR THAT *cry* they invented a new type of character dynamic smh (i've never read a pairing with so much (romantic) potential only to see them completely fuck up their chance so royally by the end of their interaction EVERY SINGLE TIME. like yeah, enemies to lovers whatever BUT NOT TO THAT LEVEL HOLY SHIT)
they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. they're compatible in the way they understand each other on a deeper level and incompatible in the way they don't.
...however...
this is how HJ thinks of EY: (and also what No Home is truly abt)
and this is how EY feels about HJ after EY found out HJ used to steal as well (aka that HJ isn't perfect like the stuck up bitch EY thought he was at first):
so...
<- -> EY's first impression of HJ was that he was looking down on him and sth like "does this guy have ulterior motives? or is he just that naive being so trusting?" until EY found out HJ wasn't that different from him. after that, EY started admiring HJ for still managing to achieve things in life despite the hardships he had to go through. the type of admiration that can easily (and sometimes does) slip into envy.
-
since the beginning, EY has helped HJ (or at least tried to) without him knowing. sometimes it worked out, sometimes not. most times EY tried doing sth nice for HJ was (from EY's perspective) in return to HJ trying to help him or doing nice things for him (which, again, sometimes worked out, sometimes not). EY was just paying back a debt to "this stubborn naive guy who keeps getting into trouble and butting into his business. gotta look out for this idiot or he might get scammed." (<- eg. when EY offered to get HJ's money back from his uncle)
he doesn't do it for credit or friendship or out of obligation, he's just doing what he thinks is the right thing bc he doesn't want to owe anyone anything. he can't accept people just genuinely being kind, genuinely caring and genuinely wanting to help. but he's been learning and slowly coming to terms with it.
-
<- -> HJ first wanted to try befriending EY despite not liking him bc, well, the guy did steal his wallet and stab him in their first interaction. after trying and failing at it multiple times, thanksgiving happened, and HJ started thinking of EY as his underclassman bc he realized EY's just a kid with issues and he should keep an eye on him (discretely bc EY hates pity).
-
with time HJ has come to understand EY better by going after him whenever he ran off and slowly realized that EY does mean well and has his reasons (as fucked up as they might be sometimes). but his mentality abt EY is still "i gotta push him in the right direction cuz he's my underclassman and i unintentionally got attached to him (somehow??)" (also bc he knows EY already gave up on himself so he needs a lil help to find his way again. also also bc he knows EY is lowkey suicidal and he's scared it'll be his fault if sth happens) <- his care for EY comes from a protective/nurturing (/possibly maybe guilty) place which started when he realized EY was just a kid^^. in other words, HJ still bothers with EY out of a subconscious sense of responsibility/obligation in a way (a good way tho. or at least a way that gets better)
see, sth i struggle with is if HJ thinks he has to or wants to or thinks he should or can't just not help/care for EY. i can't exactly pinpoint where the sentiment is coming from. his face is too blank for me to read sometimes T_T
-
to summarize: HJ is EY's goal, what EY wishes he could've been. and EY is HJ's 'responsibility' so to speak (bc 'burden' doesn't quite fit since HJ is there for EY willingly) -> EY has a positive opinion of HJ while HJ has a neutral opinion of EY (which is also gradually getting better)
note1: i think HJ's intention (maybe subconsciously) was to be to EY what HJ's upperclassman was to him. aka someone who's there when you need it and can help guide you. it would explain why HJ kept chasing after EY despite not really having a reason to and EY repeatedly rejecting HJ's care/help.
note2: i also believe the 'upper-under-classman' relationship dynamic fits them the best atm bc it also matches the way the story often singles EY out as he's the only second year (aka younger) of the 6 MCs.
-> Romance in No Home?
another thing i should mention is that No Home rarely leaves things open for interpretation. the deepest arguments EY&HJ had were always spelled out for us, to make us understand exactly what the problem was, and how there isn't a good guy and a bad guy. it's just two people with issuesTM.
from what we've seen in the story up to this point, i couldn't pick out a moment where i'd go "here! that's romantic! that's the moment they realized SomeThing!" yk
when it comes to romance specifically, i feel like a handful of opportunities were missed. there are scenes which could've easily been written trough a rosy lens but simply weren't.
exhibit A:
HJ was speechless bc "wow this mf really is actively picking a fight with an authority figure. i gotta make sure things don't escalate" not bc "hoLY sHiT hE's PreTTy. all his fangirls are on to something". however, this only becomes more clear when you keep reading the next few chapters, so i understand how you could interpret it as the latter.
exhibit B:
here they got so close and the moment was so deep bc "woaa he said he believes me. no one's said to me that before!". unfortunately, EY was panicking too much for it to mean something bc of the guilt he felt for HJ trusting someone so undeserving of trust like EY.
exhibit C:
this is maybe the closest we got to romantic between these two. i think this might be the only (or at least first) ever deep interaction between them that didn't end in a fight or misunderstanding. is it meant to be romantic tho? -> ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
-> what do i think?
first, full transparency: i went into reading this story fully expecting it to be a BL and for EY&HJ to end up together. but the more i kept on reading, the more i got the ick thinking about them being in a (romantic) relationship bc, at least from what we've seen so far in the story, their relationship would be so ToxicTM (which i personally don't enjoy reading).
as they are right now, i wouldn't want them to be together like that. like, honestly, you still can't really consider these two even friends; they just tolerate each other if the stars align correctly (altho, i'll admit, their relationship is gradually getting better!!). every big argument they had i thought "god, there's no coming back from that. i'd cut ties so quickly if was them wtf". i still don't know how they managed to keep on interacting, props to them ig.
there's a lot of unresolved issues between them. and a lot of resentment which would not bode well in a romantic relationship. the smallest argument would turn explosive and they'd be, at best, in an on&off type of relationship. they both have the power to break the other and neither would be afraid to use it. they have a lot of history together, which is not always pleasant, so if they ever were to go the romantic route, it would have to be a long way to go.
technically, i could see them in a romantic relationship if they both went to therapy first and talked out all the baggage they're carrying (both individual and shared). realistically tho, what i think will happen at the end of No Home is that either they never cross paths again after high school ends (which would absolutely break my heart Wanan pls don't), or they somehow (unintentionally) end up living together bc they both desperately needed a roommate to pay rent (which would be a hilarious fucking gag LMAO). just, HJ going to uni/work and EY doing his own thing (prolly an actor) while still cohabiting together; hanging out to watch a movie before bed <- (whether platonic or romantic being left up for interpretation)
<- -> in conclusion, from what we've seen up to this point, their relationship is mainly upper-under-classman; reluctant (maybe) friends who tolerate each other but also care (too) deeply. they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. in some ways they're compatible and in others they're not.
all this being said, their relationship is improving and romance between EY&HJ is not impossible, just rather unlikely imo. but, again, interpretation is subjective and u're welcome to read their relationship however you want.
#ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU ARE DELULU ENOUGH!! THAT'S HOW SHIPPING WORKS IN GENERAL. IN EVERY FANDOM.#anon. this shit fried my head. it 3.30am and my brain is not braining anymore. i love analyzing these two but goddamn is it HARD.#THERE'S SO MUCH NUANCE TO EVERY INTERACTION THEY HAVE *cry*#life's been hectic and this question demanded i sit down in 7 different sittings to get everything written down. hence why it took me a bit#i tried to write down all my thoughts and i don't think i managed. but i hope what i have here makes sense.#and i also hope i actually answered ur question. i feel like i got side-tracked and possibly missed the target.#no home#no home manhwa#eunyung baek#haejoon goh#ey hj parallels#meta#ģ§ģ“ ģģ“#webtoon#god u guys have no idea how many times while reading i was like 'omg they're gonna kiss omg pls do'#only to keep reading and going like 'hoLY FUCK PLS DO *NOT*!! get away from him omfg!!'#the whiplash was fucking unreal. i remember honest to god SOBBING at 4am every time they fought <- that first time read was rough#also! if you agree/disagree/want to correct me or just talk about the topic i'm open to discussion/criticism. (just pls be nice abt it ><)#my ask box is open <3
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i finally got around to centaurworld's finale and holy fucking shit??? they can go that hard??
#god i cannot put into words just how fantastic that finale was#it just makes me so... disappointed that the rest of s2 was so boring#like i had to rewatch s1 when it came out before i could actually appreciate it because its so far from my kind of thing#BUT THE FINALE FELT LIKE IT WAS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SHOW? And it was RLLY GOOD#that last episode practically carried this season holy fuck.#the nowhere king is such an amazing villain and i am just so confused .#i wishhh s2 focused more on picturing the past for us and answering s1 questions and maybe even developing characters like the princess#(where did she even go actually i didnt see her in that last scene)#because i still have questions about some things but they come from a place of pure interest in the world only because of this last episode#girl i dont know how to word this at all. i feel like we couldve had something great#anyway s1 is fun as an introduction to the show s2 is boring because i expected more answers about the past and im not#as interested in the centaurs anymore but i liked the main casts backstories i guess and the finale was pretty amazing all around#this show just keeps bouncing around for me lol. also it feels like the cast had so much fun with it. i wouldve too! love that
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it happened so early in the morning and i am STILL frothing with rage over this text my boss sent me
#unreasonable unbelievable targeting me bullshit like what is your problem what is your PROBLEM#are you punishing me preemptively for telling you i'm going back to school? LOL? cuz sure That makes me wanna stay!#i am splitting so viciously on her right now and i can't even care to wish i wasn't#this was the last fucking straw mentally for me on Trusting This Boss#and i sure as shit can't trust the one above her#i am soooo mad i am so mad i am so mad i am so mad#i just want to be transferred out already and start part time work somewhere else NOW#if i can leave earlier i fucking will#i will be without insurance for a bit but i can try to get on some fast#i just. ooh! ooooh!!!! you little fucker!!!!!!!!#i cannot trust a single person in the front of the building anymore#and i have to sit next to my least favorite person in the back now#and i am just. utterly miserable right now i am Miserable at this job that isn't even as bad as it could be#but holy shit the petty condescending bullshit is driving me fucking up the wall#i can't look at any of them!!!! without feeling intense hatred!!!!#i have no social life outside of work and i can't talk to ANYONE there about this because it'd just find its way back to her!!!!#i can't tell HR because it's not that serious! except it's driving my mental health into a tailspin!#but i still can't tell anyone!!!!!!!! because what proof do i have that she's singling me out!#even tho she has NEVER FUCKING DONE THIS TO OR ABOUT OTHER PPL#i can't Prove that and i sure as shit can't sit down with her and talk to her about my feelings#no job is ever fucking safe to do that in#i just want to walk into a river honestly like i need work so i can pay for college but i wanna be in college already and be Out of here#i just wanna skip to the END of college when i'm actually able to be a nurse and i can feel less like the butt monkey at work#i hate hate HATE being at the bottom of the totem pole i am literally nothing there even though they need me to function#but oh my gd the Looks people give me when i walk in a room like they expect bad news or to be annoyed#sorry for asking questions! would you rather i fuck up and you have to clean up the mess?#i clean up everyone else's messes all day!#they ARE going to feel it when i am not there anymore#you'd think they wouldn't be such cunts to me now but Nope. nope! almost All cunts.#i am so fucking angry at my boss in particular though that text fucking triggered rage i haven't felt in months
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are wren and burcyan technically queerbait
#i actually know rhe answer to this question and its no because they are gay-#wait. fuck#in the fic they never explicitly do anything romantic#like the strongest is really vaguely in love w each other and it could be either platonic or romantic#wait.f uck. holy shit. are they queerbait#because i post abt them so often and I don't mention the fact that study on nature and nurture is actually like#a grogu whump fic. with these two in them. like reading the fic you WILL see the homosex but its rlly overshadowed by the sheer amount of#ass fucking bullshit i put grogu through#did i fucking queerbait by accident
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I now know the context for the 'Doctor... you're huge' line
#prince's gaming tag#hi can i ramble for a bit? bc im losing my mind and i didnt screenshot that scene bc i was too focused on what was happening#so like i got to control both characters in this pic for a bit mainly aventurine and he was summoned by Sunday for a negotiation#or so we thought but Sunday wanted to know what his plans were and casted Harmony on him#and then asked him some questions where if he lied there would be dire consequences#and that whole fucking scene had me TENSE like holy shit#and then it was revealed aventurine was lying and it turns out Sunday knew this bc Ratio ratted him out!!!#so it wasnt an negotiation or an interrogation but an execution like aventurine said#so now unless he does what sunday wants hes gonna die in 17 system hours#and like. holy fucking shit. holy shit!!!!#like ok im still kinda confused about the lore of the game and what actually the aeons are and the factions and all that#like theyll say some unfamiliar word and therell be a word above it like its explaining what that word means#but its just another in universe word so im still confused#but with this interrogation scene i got enough of what was going on to get the high stakes#and im just like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA rn in my head bc what the fuuuuuuuuck#now i wonder if this is gonna be why he becomes a boss fight for us#oh also i was right. when aventurine is serious his voice isnt as grating to me so its only when he's forcing his facade that i cant take i#but this interrogation scene was really fucking good#anyway i finished aventurine's pov and im back to trailblazer's pov. I get to see Topaz!!#who i havent met before but apparently the crew has. i guess i didnt do the mission where she was introduced oops#but i hadnt heard her voice before so i thought it was higher pitched and was very glad to hear it wasnt#oh and i gotta pull for aventurine when he comes back bc i need someone who can cast shield on everyone and hes the man for it#the only preservation character i have is march and caelus if i choose that path but i need him on another one rn so march is the main one#but she can only put up one shield at a time which is not enough as the fights get harder
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kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)
#guys i have worth??? im actually a human being deserving of basic respect and SHOULD be apologised to if i am not given that??? holy shit#ok but like i actually was pretty mad and i just wasn't going to talk to them when the weekend ended but to think they'd actually apologise#guys i am a friend worth apologising to omg this is so nice#(<- was fuming over how i was a āfriendā not even worthy of her basic decency and respect an hour ago)#LIKE IM STILL MAD#okay i actually cant vaguepost to save my life but basically this girl whos a friend i recently got close to and formed a friendgroup with#shes really fucking whiny and ive been tolerating it for so long but on friday she was extremely whiny and rude whenever i just asked a#simple question#and it's really draining and humiliating to be spoken to like poop on the sidewalk in front of other people#but anyway other than that i was really upset because during pe i wanted to show her my hip injury cuz i thought it was funny#(it wasn't diagnosed yet i just felt my joints moving weirdly)#and like that involves her putting her hand on my hip#so i asked her to do that then she started whining about how she doesn't want to touch me and that i'm weird for asking ppl to touch me#then she started telling like the 3 other ppl around us i was weird and wanted ppl to touch me#then this other cool girl overheard and looked at us funny i guess cuz then the friend said 'haha now [cool girls name] is also laughing'#i was so fucking embarrassed and humiliated i still want to tear up thinking about it#like are you actually my friend wtf i don't even need enemies w a friend like you#i wanted to cry so bad then#ugh i hate it#like you couldve just said no thanks bro what is ur problem#this just made me realise how much i hate how she talks to me sometimes#and i know i need to stop surrounding myself with negative vibes in order to feel happy#but its still so frustrating#we were doing so well the other day and google meeting everyday#then this happened and then she got mad and started ignoring me on the way home#bro idk i hate ts i should just stop making friends#rant
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Pls info dump about your system. I saw in your tag that you want to so consider this a free pass to do so I want to know all that ya want to share
HI!!!! SORRY YOUSENT THIS LIEK A WEEK AGO WE WERE WAITING 4 WHEN WE JAD ENOUGH ENERGY 2 INFODUMP JSISJDJFFNDJD OK OK UNDER THE CUT
WE ACTUALLY. ... DONT KNOW WEHRE 2 start Uhhhmmmm. hmmmm. OH MAYBE THE HEADSPACE!
ok SO the headspace changes DRASTICALLY like every few months or few weeks or so. Just a week ago it was a copy of the house we currently live in. We like,,, grew up in this house so it was Also our headspace for years as a kid and we had the vibe tht it was. The exact headspace frlm back then too bUT WE never did get to find out bc it changed AGAIN like a few days ago. smh. Now i think we're just above & outside of The Caveā¢ā¢ā¢ā¢ā¢ tht was discovered here earlier this year. WHICH IS REALLY FUCKING COOL! BECAUSE THAT MEANS:
The headspace survived the nuclear winter!!*
HOYL SHIT WE'RE IN THE MAIN HEADSPACE AGAIN LET'S GOOOOO <= has been stuck in Harry's headspace for the past half yearIEJFKDKFMC
[*Sometimes it just fucking gets Destroyed. Like... Semi permanently. As in, if it gets destroyed there is Very Little Chance we'll see that variation of our headspace AgainFHDJDKFKFJ and last we uhhjj Talked to anyone in the Main System, bc we are... TECHNICALLY A SUBSYSTEM! FJDJFJ, they were like Yeah no everything is fucking Destroyed <3. But that's not the case snymore ig???????]
SO w all this information actually if we rlly wanted we could probably make a decent map of the area. cuz if We jave this headspace back then we have Everythingggg it had in it back too & everything that it was connected to THAT'S NEAT WE MIGHT DO THAT!!
uhhjjj waht else. HMMM. i thuink our current front roster is neat TBH there's some guys active rn that we'd have never expected. like HI PHYS! WYD WHY R U HERE RN <3 QJAIWOSKSKDNCXN but it's fun !!!! i hope everyone innn our subsystem will fromt here at lEast once bc I Am Lov Collecting InformatiĆ³n On Everyone <= Primarily fills out everyone's PK & Simply Plural descriptions. actually I think maybe everyone has fronted a sufficiently long enough time EXCEPT FOR HAND/EYE LIKE S I R GET YOUR ASS UP HERE TELL ME ABT YOURSELF BASTARD !! GJCJCKCKF all ik abt him is that He enjoys making Pokeblocks On Pokefarm. that is IT and that's NOT ENOUGH INFORMATION MY GUY but anyways.
i also think us Existing Here is so funny in itself like our asses rlly just got Possibly permanently isekai'd huh. like. like. Genuinely I don't know if our past mains r coming back at this point but that's FINE we already did the whole 96 stages of grief shit about it IF that be the case then SO be it Whatever there's pros to this life ig. like THIS body isn't on the verge of SUDDENLY DYING FOR NO REASON and also We have a cat. we have a cat!!!!! and a dog!!!!!! whaddahell!!!!!!!
there's lotsa fun shit here But there r also the Horrors. Like I PERSONALLY WOULD LOOVE TO EXIST with Out the Constant Paranoia And Delusions but IT *IS* PREFERABLE! OVER WHSTEVER THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH HARRY <3 AJSJDJF
I will say tho. When we uhhhhhhh All popped in & all we Just assumed we'd be Gone & dormant MONTHS AGO but ummmm . well. apparently not! sO the things we wanted 2 Experience have a High probability Of Happening,! Like PT is excited for Halloween and UNLESS those pirate fucks completely take over the roster within the next like week [0f.md s2 on the 5th babey!!! holy shit!!] then it's. Probably gonna happwn!!! which is so cool we don't actually... hey did Halloween exist in (source game)
man and speaking of. Memories Of The Past as we call source memories. It's a collective sys-wide trait thing All our fictives from aNY source rlly enjoy piecing together what they remember from their canons & all It's like enrichment for us. BUT we've been kinda piecing together a rough timeline of when We all formed in our canon That's our biggest Thought Projectā¢ rn. No estimated time 4 when it'll be Complete tho probs never tbh. and w that in mind u may or may not believe who harry's first sysmate was According 2 what we've put togetherJTJEDKFKDJS
ok that's liek 5 trillion words Whoops. we r so talkatives <3 I am going to stop there it's like 5 am JFJDDKCKF we gotta go back to bedddd -E-Chem
#ask#THANK U 4 THE INFODUMPING OPPORTUNITY if u have any more questions. bls feel free 2 ask#We Lov Talking. Abt Ourselves. JWNDFJCNSKFNFKSF#*According to The Timeline/Our Canon harry's first headmate was HL. which is so funny 2 me that guy is like 12#but also ig it makes sense. idk.#meā one of the newer bastards in Harry's system: *points at HL* that thing is my baby brother#HL: *is literally older than all of us formation date wise*#HMM. our brain is telling me we r Cringe....... oh well! ĀÆā \ā _ā (ā ćā )ā _ā /ā ĀÆ *beats our brain with hammers*#actually 1 more thing#Inland formed first in this body's system . like.. holy shit could you imagine if they became the body's signature skill . fucked up [JOKE]
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dc is doing a little mini relaunch after the current crossover finishes and honestly thank god because literally only two of their current ongoings interest me but there's a bunch of fun looking stuff happening in november that i might actually look at. and also it's starting series for several guys who should have had ongoings this whole time like the fucking JUSTICE LEAGUE
#i.e. black lightning JSA question batgirl. and i'll keep up with justice league now that they actually HAVE an ongoing#insane that it just wasn't happening for so long. why did they do that.#now i might actually take an interest in the mainline crossovers if there's a series that they're actually building from#then again. if it's crap i probably won't stick with it#but like marvel has three avengers books running concurrently CONSTANTLY. and yet dc hardly ever has justice league stuff going on#a team book is just. the obvious place to do all that stuff. cos i'm not reading batman i do not CARE about batman#but the new justice league has flash and black lightning and martian manhunter and other guys who i think are cool outside the Trinity guys#also i'm thinking i'll have a look at the 'absolute' universe. yes we are pointing and laughing at the batman design but it seems like an#interesting concept. and also extremely funny that they're going oh fuck marvel relaunched ultimates we have to do something like that too#but actually looking at the ACTUAL premise of the thing. it's more about making an extremely stripped back version of each character#designed to be at their lowest with no support systems in place#idk how it'll turn out. might be too edgy and angst filled for my tastes.#but it looks worth a look#for the record the two series i'm actually readign currently are poison ivy and the flash.#flash i'm actually collecting (i got in when it started and am yet to be disappointed)#lily dot tee ex tee#my pull list is getting so long. and my actual pull list of comics i'm buying is getting a bit much too#but i do not regret impulse subscribing to The Power Fantasy having just read issue 1. it's INCREDIBLE.#i've stopped getting ultimate x men tho. was good but i don't think really worth the money of getting it physically. i'll just pirate.#and tbh the current dr who run is eh. and also only a 4 issue limited series. but it's dr who comics of course i'm collecting it anyway.#immortal thor is a thousand times worth the money tho holy SHIT that book is SO GOOD and i'm SO GLAD i'm reading it physically#sorry i don't comicspost often but i had. a lot of thoughts.
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Y'all why the fuck was I going back through my doffy wips after ages and realised that 4 months ago I blacked the fuck out one night at like 3am and wrote 5-6 paragraphs of the most descriptive, heart wrenching thing I've ever read.
AND ITS IN MY NOTES? I WROTE THAT?!
genuinely reading the dialogue pulls at my heart strings(hehe strings anyway-) it's from doffys pov(atleast so far)which makes it a bit strange but holy shit you just get to peak into this man's thoughts in the best way.(It's so sweet tooš„²)
I'd describe the story but I don't wanna spoil it. However I may not even post it because I doubt the rest of the story could compare to how poetic the beginning is.
I suck at writing beginnings(it holds me back a lot cause I know what's gonna happen but I can't get there.) but this is the most poetic shit and it actually makes sense,aside from a few very moments where I use the wrong word.
Btw I also have question regarding the end of that. I can't tell whether sleepy brain was correct or I'm correct. Sleepy me said a window was projecting light but shouldn't it be reflecting? Listen I know that's really dumb but google sucks.
I'm sorry for this big ol ramble out of nowhere lmao I just went back and reread my masterpiece and god it's great.
I'm really proud of it,even if I'm the only person to ever see it.
#listen writing shit is hard#but holy fuvk is this amazing#i can't believe its mine#in MY notes#by MY hands#like what the fuck#its the sweetest wip too#like the only non smut one lmao#but its just so cuteeeee#and so amazing#anyway about the light question#google has been an unhelpful bitch#and i really need to know whether i was correct when i blacked out vs now#its really dumb ik#but jesus this wip is godly#like i think i was possessed or some shit#i can just imagine the events playing out as i read which is odd for my own writing(it takes me a bit)#but like god damn its so good#i really need to finsh my wips lol#i don't even remember writing it tho#like i fully blacked out aside from a few sentences where i had to go back and fix my typos.. THATS LITERALLY ALL I REMEMBER#the fucker rambles#the fucker writes#sorry for the writers block btw#its been like 3 months since i actually opened my notes to write and even then its only been small#i know i shouldn't be apologising for that but i just feel bad for taking so long
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and another thing, I'm sick of people acting like they/them pronouns are just the third gender instead of being gender neutral/outside of the gender binary. idk who decided that they/them pronouns when referring to a person of unknown gender is misgendering & transphobic but they need to go fuck themself i think
#''but that's a strawman argument! no one said that!'' yeah they did. i'm mad about it because i've seen it on tumblr#there's whole posts saying that if you use they/them pronouns instead of just automatically knowing the correct ones you're transphobic#if i can't find pronouns on someone's blog i'm just gonna defer to they/them. as i have for the past 20 years#not to sound like That but i think people need to calm down. is they/them pronouns really something to get mad at#........................................................................................................#huh actually i just realized something. is it because of the whole transwomen getting they/them-ed thing#that people now just associate nonbinary pronouns with transphobia. because they're fucking stupid#holy transphobia batman! they're blaming the pronouns instead of the person!#i just came here to rant i didn't actually expect to find out the real reason why or anything#for real you can't expect people to automatically know your pronouns. people aren't mind readers#you are probably gonna get misgendered. you have to stop assuming it's actively malicious every single time#as someone who has had people misgender me all the time throughout my life i literally don't care#because it doesn't fucking matter. because i can tell when people don't mean to cause harm#& the people who do i don't give a shit about because fuck em#like i get the anger & how it can feel so righteous but also you have to learn when to shut up & stop to think#''is this actually malicious or am i just angry'' is a great question you need to keep at the front of your mind
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