#holding that gif of the actor looking a specific way while I work on my fic in another tab

[the-froschamethyst4]

Who’s he dating?

𖤐Pairing: Actor! Alejandro x F! Reader

𖤐Pronouns: She/Her

𖤐Warnings: Fluff, emotional, drama, language, kissing, jealously, groping, ass smacking, worrying,

𖤐Summary: Alejandro is a famous actor, being a bunch of movies where he plays villains or Mafia bosses, and the ladies LOVED HIM and men wanted to be him but what they didn't know is that Alejandro is married, and no one knew about it till they saw his ring

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Alejandro was pacing behind Jimmy Fallon's dark navy-blue curtain as he started to introduce Alejandro.

"And now introducing the face of his new movie If Death was my Lover, Alejandro Vargas," Alejandro heard his name and put on a smile as the curtains opened for him.

He walks out waving to the crowd, bro-hugging Jimmy and Jimmy showed him to the famous couch letting Alejandro have a seat.

"Alejandro, it is amazing to have you on the show."

"Thanks for having me," Alejandro said with a smile.

At the Hotel room Alejandro had rented out, his wife Y/n sat on the black couch watching the TV specifically watching The Tonight Show. She crossed her legs with a bowl of popcorn on her lap, she smiled seeing her husband on TV.

Alejandro's handsome smile on his face as he answered Jimmy's questions and then Jimmy wanted to do a game with Alejandro, Y/n smiled when her husband was winning against Jimmy.

"EVERYONE ALEJANDRO VARGAS DON'T GO ANYWHERE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!!" Jimmy yells.

Alejandro shook Jimmy's hand as he walked off the stage. Alejandro got backstage and immediately rubbed his head, he was getting a massive headache, he asked around for some ibuprofen which he finally found someone with it.

He took about 2 with some water and went back to his dressing room waiting for his headache to disappeared. He's been getting them for a while and is too afraid to tell Y/n that he's been getting migraines from stress on working.

He felt his headache slowly go away and he headed to his blacked-out Audi and headed to the hotel.

---------

Y/n was getting her pajamas on, and she heard her hotel room door open, and slam shut. She turned and smiled seeing her husband.

"Alejandro," she coos, she walks up to him and wraps her arms around his neck. He held her waist and bent down kissing her lips with a smile on his face.

"Did you have fun?"

"I did...but I was missing you the whole time," he said, kissing her temple.

"Did you?"

"Yes, I don't know what's going on, but I've been getting nervous now, I was pacing backstage and was just nervous," he said, holding her close to his chest.

"It's okay, baby, but it went away, right?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Of course, amor," he kissed her lips.

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4:00AM

Alejandro had woken up before the sun, he sat at the edge of the bed, rubbing the back of his neck and the sheets just covering his lower half.

Y/n was asleep next to him, he grabbed his phone and headed to the balcony to see what's new.

He opened his social media and then saw.

OMG ALEJANDRO VARGAS IS MARRIED!!

Some screenshotted Alejandro from last night on The Tonight Show, and then the other photo showed Alejandro's hand with his black wedding ring on.

"Shit," he mumbled. He's been great at keeping his marriage a secret, but he slipped up and forgot to take his ring off before the interview.

"Alejandro?" He looked up hearing his name and the sliding door open.

"Mi amor, I am so sorry."

"Huh? Why?" She asked as Alejandro pulled her to his lap.

"People saw my ring from the interview and now-"

"Alejandro it's okay...people know you're married they don't know to who."

"And I rather keep it that way, no one knowing who I am married to, it's no one's business and I don't want people hurting you or trying to threaten you...I'll make a statement about the ring and just say it was a ring I found not a wedding ring or something like that."

"That's fine, baby," she kissed his lips and headed back inside the hotel. "Come to bed, I know you're tired," she said as he smiled and followed her inside.

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6:30AM

Alejandro really couldn't go back to sleep, he held Y/n to his chest and looked at the ceiling taking in her scent as well. She let out a soft yawn and rolled over on the other side cuddling the pillow.

He got up and opened the curtains just barely and saw that the sun was up now. He rubbed the back of his neck, he closed them and turned on the little lamp next to the big bed and got his clothes ready for a shower.

He turned the water on and started to get ready, they had to leave to go back to LA to go over a new movie with Netflix. Alejandro has been stressed out with new movies and new TV series, which is due to his headaches.

Y/n heard the water running in the bathroom. She opened the bathroom door and could see his outline in the shower.

"Alejandro?"

"Good morning, amor," he says.

"Good morning," she said, grabbing her hairbrush and brushing her hair and then her teeth. Alejandro stopped the shower and got out with a towel around his waist.

He kissed her temple. "We've got to get going soon," he said, holding her waist now watching her in the mirror brushing her teeth and then her mumbling in response.

"What was that?" He teased.

"I mow (I know)," she said, placing her hand under her chin trying to not let the toothpaste fall out of her mouth. He kissed her temple and smacked her butt before walking out of the bathroom and grabbing some comfortable clothes to wear to the airport.

He even goes ahead and picks out Y/n's outfits when she gets out of the shower.

Alejandro got his clean boxers on and started to rub his towel on his hair drying it the best he could. Y/n saw her husband in his boxers bent over just a little bit drying his hair. She smiled and smacked his butt; he smacked her away as she laughed at him.

"Really?" He said as Y/n cornered herself.

"Yes," she laughs.

He grabs her wrist pulling her close to his chest and groped her ass making her moan just a little.

"Thought we had to get going," she teased.

He let go of her and grabbed his jeans and a lose t-shirt.

"Get dressed, so we can head out," he smirked and walked to the bathroom to brush his teeth. She unwrapped her body from the towel and then grabbed the clothes, she had an oversized t-shirt and some shorts.

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At The Airport

Alejandro went in first to get the swarming paparazzi away from the car to see Y/n sitting in the car waiting. Alejandro just lazily smiles and awkwardly smile at the cameras.

The car circled the parking lot and Y/n changed cars. She got in a yellow cab and was taken back to the front; it was so much work just to hide from the flashing cameras.

As she exits the car and went through all the security, she tried to find the exit to get to the private area to get on Alejandro's private jet. As she saw the exit and she grabbed her pass to show to the lady.

"Hi, miss, what can I help you with?" She asked.

"Hi, umm~ this is my pass," she looked at it and let Y/n through. Alejandro stood by the door waiting for her.

He grabs her hand, and she jumped thinking it was someone else.

"Jesus, you scared me," she said.

"Sorry, mi amor," he laughs. "Did everything go, alright?"

"Yes, no problems," she smiled at they got on the private jet. Alejandro picked a seat and Y/n sat next to him and his manager and assistant sat in front of them.

"So, we will land in LA in 5 hours and 23 minutes, so we should get there on time, see Netflix and go over the new movie you'll shoot for them and then you should have a break in between to go back home and relax till a new movie or deal," his manager Xavier said as his assistant Dillon was taking notes.

"Great," Alejandro said, sounding annoyed and then the jet started, immediately Alejandro's head started to pound.

"Alejandro?" Y/n cooed, placing her hand on his.

"Sorry...I've got a headache," he said as Dillon grabbed some headache medicine.

Y/n's eyes screamed that she was worried as Alejandro took the medicine. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, his manager and assistant left Y/n and Alejandro alone.

"Alejandro," Y/n cupped his face.

"Mi amor, please, I'm fine."

"No, you're not. How long have you been getting headaches?"

"....A few weeks," he confesses.

"Alejandro-"

"Please, don't yell....it's not gone yet..." he says, placing his hand behind her head. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you, I’ve just been busy…”

“And you being busy makes you have headaches…Alejandro it’d probably be best if you took at least a few weeks off, you’re stressing yourself out,” she says.

"I'm fine-"

"You're not, Xavier, Alejandro needs to take some days off from working-"

"Amor, no."

"Don't you 'no' me, Alejandro. Xavier, please," Y/n begged.

"Y/n he's signed a contract to work at least 4 weeks a month and a 2-week break...we can't just stop now."

"Why not, he's getting headaches and next thing you know he's losing his hair, Xavier, we're taking a break and that's final."

The jet ride was silent as the destination was getting changed around, Y/n knows Alejandro is probably upset with her right now, but someone had to make the calls around here. Y/n played with her fingers as the jet landed. Everyone gathered their things.

Alejandro got off the jet leaving Y/n behind, she knew she messed up, but she did what she had to do so her husband could rest.

Alejandro got in a black unmark Audi and Y/n opened the back seat, but Alejandro snapped his fingers pointing to the passenger seat, she thought Alejandro may not want to speak to her, so she wanted to ride in the back.

She sat in the passenger side and looked down at her legs, she felt bad, and she could feel the tension in the car, it was strong and felt like he was going to yell at any moment, but he didn't say anything as he drove off to their home.

Alejandro's knuckles were white, and his gaze was on the road, not a word was spoken, nothing, hardly any music played as well.

"A-Alejandro, I am so sorry, I said something like that, but I can't watch you drag yourself into the ground, and almost kill yourself, I just can't see that happen to you," she said, looking at him.

He didn't say anything till he pulled up into their driveway. She got out first and grabbed her things, Alejandro walked into his home as Y/n opened the door and saw his shoes and coat by the front door and he is talking, probably on the phone with Xavier or someone.

"God, I am such an idiot," she said to herself.

She goes into her bedroom and changes out of her clothes into sweatpants and a crewneck. She went to the living room and looked down at her phone seeing her social media.

Fans were still blowing up about Alejandro being married. Y/n rolled her eyes at the hate comments saying she's probably ugly and smiled at the ones telling off the haters because he didn't look at them first.

Alejandro came downstairs seeing his wife and just stared at her, she looks up and saw him.

"What?"

"I understand you were probably just helping....and I'm sorry for getting all pissy for no reason," he says. He walks towards her and lays on the couch and used her thighs as his own personal pillow.

"Okay, okay, it's okay, Alejandro. I should have just left it alone..." she says, patting his head and running her fingers through his soft hair.

"It's okay," he says, kissing her thigh making her shiver down her spine and she squeezed her thighs just a little bit. Alejandro smirked knowing what he is doing. He turns his head his mouth just grazing her thighs again and just gently biting her leaving a bite mark on her thigh.

"A-Alejandro!"

"What? Mi amor?" He coos, sitting up and cupping her face and kissing her lips.

"Don't 'what, mi amor' me," she says.

He just chuckles and picks her up off the couch and took her to the bedroom, he places her on the bed and crawled on top of her and kissed her lips again.

[httpknjoon]

toast and wedding plannings | ksj

plot | you have a busy schedule but you want to be jin's wife as soon as possible. so you two did the most logical thing to do.

word count | 3.2k

genres | fluff

pairing | actor!jin x famous!reader

note | of course, the a-listers would always be the one who will break me out my writer's block era.

main masterlist | the a-listers: confidential masterlist

“Okay, the premiere is on the fifth of December. But before that, you will be doing interviews, mostly online. A few are solo, but most of that stuff is with your castmates. By the way, Val from Indian Paintbrush sent an e-mail, specifically for you. She said…”

A blue bird landed on one of the branches of your red maple tree in your backyard. You watched as it stood there quietly, letting your assistant’s voice from your phone go into the background. The bird probably felt your eyes on him as it turned its small beak in your direction before flying away. Left with no more entertainment, you sighed before turning around. That’s when you see your fiance of almost three weeks placing a cup of coffee and a plate of toast on the patio table.

“Hailey. Schedule.” you mouthed at him while pointing to your phone that you were holding next to your ear.

He nods before signing and then mouthing a word, “Peanut butter?”

You looked at the food he prepared for you before soundlessly replying, “Banana, please.”

Jin smiled and gave you a double thumbs-up before walking back in to get your request. Your attention returns to the call you were in as you sat on your outdoor sofa.

“... and as you requested, I cleared out your schedule for your Seoul trip with Jin,” Hailey said with a proud tone. “Thank God, Fallon’s producers agreed to move your guesting next month. They said yes after I offered them exclusive photos from your trip, just like you said.”

“It’s like a consolation gift.” you chuckled.

Since you were already booked for the Tonight Show a month ago, you knew that it would be a headache for everyone involved when you asked for your guesting to be moved to January. Knowing how the industry works, even though you really hate sharing your personal agendas with everyone, you decided to offer some “exclusive” photos from your trip that Hollywood loves to the show’s producers.

“Anyway, thank you so much for everything, Hailey.”

“Yeah, no problem. Just enjoy your week. Next week will be crazy busy again.” she spoke.

“I know.” you sighed.  “You too! Enjoy your week there in Hawaii.”

Just as you hang up the call, Jin enters again with your bananas. You smiled as you noticed he sliced it already. He sat next to you and almost immediately, you rested on his shoulder, making him wrap his arms around you.

“Busy schedule?” he asked, sensing the exhaustion from you even though it was only eight in the morning.

You snuggled closer to his chest, “I just wish I had more time to plan the wedding.”

“Don’t worry, we still have a lot more time to do that. I can wait for you,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

Unlike you, Jin doesn’t have any work commitments left for this year. He already had plans of visiting his extended family back in South Korea for next month so he made sure to empty out his schedule. And since you just got engaged weeks ago, you joined in on his month-long trip, making some surprise changes to your agenda. 

You looked up, “But I can’t. I want to be your wife like right now.”

Jin just laughed at what he thought to be a joke from you. His attention went to the food, spreading peanut butter on your toast. You, on the other hand, scrunched your eyebrows as you watched him. Because you’re not kidding. You want to get married as soon as possible with him. It’s like a switch flipped in your brain ever since that morning after you said yes to his proposal. You are just so happy and excited to marry him. 

When Jin noticed you not laughing, his eyebrows raised, “What?”

“I want to marry you now, I’m not kidding,” you said like you were offended.

“I know. Me too, bub.” he grinned at your pouting lips. Putting down the bread, he held your hand and planted a kiss on it, “Trust me, if I can marry you today, I would.”

Your lips were forming into a smile when– An idea forms in his head.

“We can,” you mumbled, making Jin confusedly look at you. “I mean not today. But we can get married this week. I don’t have anything to do this week since I’m supposedly busy next week. Plus, I have this dress coming from Vivienne Westwood for the premiere. I could wear that.”

“Well, Donny just got ordained online…” Jin whispered.

You two quietly eyed each other, both knowing something was cooking in your heads.

“Okay, how about you try to make this character your own? I’ll give you five minutes to internalize again.”

Having the urge to roll his eyes, Donny turned his back to the so-called actor someone probably miscast for this series he has been directing. He can feel a headache forming from how plain and bad this young actor says his lines. He sat back on his chair, cooling down. As soon as he opened his phone, he noticed a series of messages sent by his best friend almost an hour ago.

From Jin

are u free this wednesday

From Jin

won’t take no for an answer

From Jin

go here before 6

From Jin

wear something nice

From Jin

yn and i will be hosting an engagement dinner :))

“Hi, this is Hailey. I am calling for the bouquet…”

Pressing a powder on your face, you watched Hailey from the background of your mirror walking back and forth while talking to someone on her phone. The tan lines on her shoulders are still visible since she only got back from her vacation less than twelve hours ago. She even wore the same beach dress she wore in Hawaii days ago as she went straight to your house after you informed her about your plans. 

“Do you even have anything? Flowers? Gown? Hair and make-up stuff? How about the venue? The guests?! All that thing!” she panicked through the call.

You pursed your lips, “It’s a very intimate, surprise wedding, Hailey. We just want to get married now and we prefer the smallest counts of guests possible. I’ll be wearing that Westwood dress–”

“Huh? It’s not coming until the day before the premiere night, YN.” she interrupted, sounding annoyed.

“What?” you asked, confused.

“That dress is coming from London and they said they’ll be sending it in December!” she almost screamed, confirming that she was, indeed, annoyed. 

Hailey, at this point, is your eldest sister. She manages everything in your life and always wants the best thing for you. She is more than your assistant and occasional stylist, she is family. So you don’t really mind if she openly lets you know when she gets annoyed about something you’ve done. There were even times you were more scared of her than she ever was to you.

You tried to think of something, “Oh… Okay. I still have that white dress we bought years ago when we–”

“No! No! You’re not going to wear that. I’m contacting someone from Versace. I’m sure we can get you something.”

‘Don’t—”

“Yes, I’m not telling them where you would use it. I’ll think of other reasons.”

“It says that they were supposed to arrive thirty minutes ago.”

She looks like she was so close to biting her nails as she talked to the flower shop staff, all while you do your make-up. Still, in your comfiest pink robe with your gown underneath, you gently swiped your favorite shade of lip stain on your lips. Then, your make-up is done! You didn’t really put much effort, only doing a natural look rather than your common red carpet look. Hailey helped you earlier with creating soft curls for your hair. 

And for your dress, you still ended up with a white one. Of course, Versace. Hours after Hailey contacted them for your “private dinner” event, they sent three options for you to choose from. You picked out the white, shimmery gown Amal Clooney wore one time. It is a bridal gown with spaghetti straps and a full, sweeping train. It is sparkly and perfect for the ambiance of your backyard, where you will be holding the wedding.

“No, I asked for–”

Hailey was cut off when someone knocked on your home office’s (made into a prep room for you) door. She was the one who opened the door as she was closer to the door.

“Oh, you arrived!” she said before you could see who she was talking to.

Then, a familiar man popped his head in. Your heart jumped, making you stand up even though you were careful with your gown. 

“Dad!”

“Oh my god. How are you feeling?”

Jin wanted to say he was cool. But with his sweaty palms and racing heart, he knew he was more than cool. Just a little nervous and a lot more excited. Just a month ago, he was learning to cook the Marry Me chicken recipe and now, you two will be tying the knot in less than an hour. He can feel butterflies in his stomach just by thinking what you would look like. He hasn’t seen you after breakfast today. Hailey and Donny insist that it’s a tradition, something for fun. You were laughing as your assistant pulled you away from him while you were still kissing him. Since you two were in the same house, you have been kept in your office for hours now.

“You don’t have to answer that. Your smile says everything.” Donny interrupted his thoughts. ‘Thank you for making me a big part of this, man. I really appreciate it.”

Instead of their usual cool guy handshake, Jin and his best man (and friend and wedding officiator) shared a tight hug. He can feel how happy Donny is for him just by the short hug.

‘Thank you for flying from SoCal for this dinner.” Jin laughed.

‘I was so confused why you wanted me to dress so nicely for dinner!” Donny explained, laughing too.

It was in the middle of their laughter when they heard the doorbell ring. Knowing it’s probably one of the very few guests you two invited, Jin opened the door. He was right.

“Oh, aren’t you a fine groom?” your dad opened his arms as soon as Jin saw him. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you so much, sir.”

“Ah, you can call me Dad.” he corrects him.

Jin smiled wider before hugging your stepmother too. Your father and Helen, his wife came from Iowa since that was where he retired years ago before reuniting with you. It is no secret to everyone who knows you that you had a distant relationship with your dad, especially after the whole emancipation thing. But he reached out to you around the same time you and Jin worked for Cornelia Street. Since then, you and your dad have been catching up from time to time. That’s why Jin flew to your dad’s farmhouse in Iowa months ago to let him know about his plans to propose to you.

“You know, I didn’t expect this wedding to happen this soon.”  Helen quipped as they entered. “Where’s the bride?”

“Oh, she’s in her office. I haven’t seen her since this morning,” he told them, almost sounding like a kid complaining.

“Stop whining. The wedding will start in like thirty minutes.” Donny said, making the older people laugh.

Then, they walked to the stairs up your office, leaving Jin and Donny alone again. The two decided to go to the backyard, where the fairy lights were lit up while there were white roses arranged in two lines on the sides of the small pathway for you later. The wooden chairs for the guests are the same chairs on the dining table inside the house but Hailey made sure to make it a little special with names, ribbons, and flowers on it. To ensure the privacy of your special day, you only have six guests in total: Hailey, Donny, your dad, Helen, Jin’s mom, stepdad, and dad. The latter three are still on their way. Considering his dad is in South Korea, Jin assured him that he understands if he cannot come with the sudden event. But his dad promised that he would come.

“Okay, just stand there.”

Minutes later, Hailey is instructing Jin where to stand. Donny is already next to him. Helen and Jin’s parents are already sitting in their seats. A good instrumental of love songs plays in the background with a Bluetooth speaker Hailey prepared. Jin cannot help but feel giddy. He knew you were already waiting for your best friend’s instructions to walk down this flowery aisle, along with your dad next to you.

“You look beautiful, honey.” your dad whispered next to you.”Exactly like your mother.”

That is the greatest compliment for you. Your mother was the most wonderful person in your head and to be compared to her always warms your heart. And to hear it from your father makes your lips quiver like a little kid.

You turned your head at him, smiling while feeling a burn of tears at the edge of your eyes, “Thank you, Dad.”

His lips were shaking like he was trying not to get too emotional. Instead, he offered you a smile and held your hand that was snaked on his arm.

“I’ll play the song and you will slowly walk out, okay? Just take your time.” Hailey comes in again.

You nodded, “Okay, ma’am.”

You see her shoulders tensing down as you say that. She chuckles.

“Now, can you just sit down? I want the world’s best assistant and my best friend to see me walking there,” you told her and her eyes instantly glistened.

“Okay.” she smiled after looking at you for a few more seconds. 

You wanted to hug her but you knew you two would just bawl out your eyes and ruin the whole thing if you did. So without saying any other words, Hailey heads out. A few seconds later, you hear a familiar melody. So This Is Love from Cinderella. You and your dad took it as a signal to take a few steps together until you reached the backyard.

And there, he sees you. Finally.

Everything felt calm as you walk down the aisle. Instead of beating faster, his heart slows down and all he can see is you. Your eyes were all watery before you could even reach the middle of the aisle, where your father would leave you so can have your own moment. He placed a kiss on your cheek before letting you go. You looked back at Jin and a single tear had already slipped down his cheek. You don’t know but you smiled and chuckled as you walked closer, crying happy tears yourself. He chuckled too.

You are an angel in his eyes. As you stepped closer to him, he remembered the first night he saw you. Smiling, handing him a TicTac and telling him a story. He just remembered losing himself in your voice and beauty. Butterflies were playing around his stomach just like now. He hoped that it would not be the last time he saw you.

The song’s volume in the background lowered down as you stood in front of Jin. Everyone who is witness to this wonderful night can feel the love and adoration you two hold for each other.

Donny began, “We gather here today to celebrate the love of two wonderful human beings, YN and Jin. You have come to this beautiful place to witness the formal commitment they will make for each other, allowing YN and Jin to begin this new chapter of their life together with the people they truly trust, and love the most. Welcome and thank you for your presence here tonight. And please, no taking pictures– except you, Hailey, of course.’

Everyone laughed at his joke. Hailey, being the best person, also has a camera with her to take candid snaps.

“Now, as we all know, YN and Jin are a little bit in a rush to get married so I’ll keep this short.” you and Jin laughed as Donny continued, “As a longtime spectator of their amazing love story, all I can say is they are truly meant for one another. They are a perfect pairing as they balance each other so well. They work together perfectly not just in their great movies, but also in their relationship. And I believe, their effort and patience to make this relationship work in the middle of their busy lives is what leads us to this moment.”

“I always felt lucky to be friends with both of you two, being able to witness your story like no one else does. No amount of articles or movie scenes can ever encapsulate the passion you two have for each other. The way you care and protect each other amidst crazy rumors and hard times is truly powerful. Jin, you are the only one who can make YN smile throughout an exhausting day. And YN, you are the only one who can laugh at my best friend’s corny dad jokes.” 

Jin glared at his best friend while everyone, including you, laughed. You broke his glare as you softly held his cheek to make him look back at you.

“With that, I wish for them to spend their lifetime as one. I wish for their marriage to be filled with moments of joy, contentment, and love. I hope that they continue to make each other laugh, smile, and believe in love as they make the whole world do.”

Jin squeezed your hand, making you smile even more.

“So, without further ado… YN, do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him forever?”

“I do,” you replied with no hesitation, looking deeply at your soon-to-be husband.

“Jin, do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others, and holding only unto her forever?”

His lips quirked, “I do.”

Donny smiled widely, “Now, please bring out the rings.”

Jin followed since he was the one who kept the rings you picked days ago, in which Donny picked up at the store on his way here.

“Please place the ring on each other’s left hand and repeat after me:” Donny said. “I, YN/JIN, take you above all else, to be my wife/husband, forevermore.”

You and Jin repeated everything not removing your gaze on one another. You felt the gold ring slip in one of your fingers after that. You have never felt joy pumps in your system.

“And now by the power vested in me by the internet, it is my honor and delight to declare you married. Go forth and live each day to the fullest. You may seal this declaration with a kiss.” 

Donny and the guests clapped while standing up. Jin gently held both of your cheeks while he leaned closer to you. You closed your eyes as you felt his soft lips on yours. Fireworks set off inside you. You kissed him, feeling the soft skin of his cheeks on your fingertips, inhaling his calming scent. He kissed you back, running his hand back to your waist, squeezing it for a short second before pulling away. You two opened your eyes. You were the first one to speak,

“I’m so lucky to have you. I love you.”

He kissed you once again, “I love you too."

taglist rules

THE A-LISTERS: CONFIDENTIAL TAGLIST

@xiumo @joonsbvtch @firesighgirl @qualityjoonie @txtlyn @yoontaethings

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@dunixxd @cixrosie @jksjx @embrace-themagic @buttvi @starbtslove @missseoulite @vanntaesworld @kenqki @imajinthis @stopeatread @seolaquotes @greyrain23 @chimchimmarie @petalsofink @jayhope88 @moonchild1 @laylasbunbunny @nikkiordonez12 @misshale21

[daisybell17]

Protecting You — Loki

Warnings: abusive & manipulative relationship, toxic relationship, abuse, physical violence, mentions of drinking, swearing, mentions of death, this fic mentions abuse in relationships so read with caution, and of course do NOT read if topics such as these make you uncomfortable or offended

WK: 4070 - Long fic ahead!

——————————————————————————

Asgard is known to hold some of the greatest theatre plays in all the nine realms, Midgard being their current competitor in the industry. Nonetheless, you never stopped your passion to be an actor. So when your agent contacted you about a role in an Asgardian performance, you couldn’t pass this opportunity.

Loki, Prince of Asgard, too shared this passion in the art of acting and theatre. Performing since he was just a child, his talented ability to capture audiences and his co-stars never failed, making him a world or shall I say, realm class celebrity.

Thus on the first Monday of rehearsals, you had met not only your idol but your partner in the lead role.

“H-Hi! My name is Y/N…I’m from M-Midgard and h-honestly, all this still s-seems unreal to me…b-ut! It’s an honour to meet you Mr. Laufeyson!” For as awkward as the first meeting was, Loki chuckled at your response and shook your hand.

“Well it is lovely to meet you Y/N, and please, please! Call me Loki” His eyes seemingly piercing your own. God he knew you were gorgeous on the stage, but seeing you in person and this up close? you were the most incredible being he’s ever met

Your mind was running laps as you shook his hand. Loki Laufeyson was your co-star. You were performing on Asgard. This is a dream come true!

“Ok then! Loki…I look forward to these next couple months working alongside you. I’ve heard nothing but amazing things about the Prince of Asgard and the talent he brings to the stage…And I might be coming off too strong here but I am a bit of a fangirl myself when it comes to your work”

“Really now?! Well I could only thank you for watching my work, I truly love all this and just hope to bring my best foot onstage” Loki was grinning like an idiot, keeping his composure as you two conversed

“And you hit the spot every time! Your take on some Midgardian performances left me speechless! The Asgaridan version of Hamilton was one I didn’t expect much from and yet it delivered perfectly!” Loki couldn’t hold back his laughter and smiles as you praised his work. He found himself blushing a little at your words, dazzled by the praise you were feeding him.

“You are truly too kind darling, I’m just glad to bring some of Midgaridan works here to Asgard, the theatre Midgard has is more my style as compared to what majority of Asgardians like…gods this is why this play is a big leap for us, but I have seen your works in the romance side and I am certain we can execute this perfectly”

Your eyes lit up as he said this…Loki has seen your work?! More specifically your romantic trope stories?! You were speechless

“You have?! Wow! I am…You have no idea how much that means to me! I have to admit that this sounds like an ego boost but I do consider them my best performances”

“Nothing wrong about being proud of your best works and darling you put on quite a show! Most shows here on Asgard are focused around war, politics, kingdoms and royalty so a little romance here and there surely brings out the humanity in me”

You had smiled as his response, and you two continued on with your conversation, getting to know one another and the passion you shared for theatre. As the day went on, you both went over your lines, practicing the timing, the emotion, delivery and much more. It was obvious to you both that It’s as if these roles were made for you both. A forbidden love story between god and woman, both finding their own ways in this world together, all the while they were ridiculed by the universe. You loved your role, you loved your co-stars, you loved sharing the stage alongside the talented man himself Loki Laufeyson. Life on the stage is one you wouldn’t trade for anything…

Although…while you shined on the stage, it would be idiotic to not admit that the magic you felt onstage did not translate to your real life.

“That’s a wrap for today! I will see you all on Wednesday!” Just like that the day was over and you had to part ways with everyone.

Packing up your belongings, you could hear footsteps approaching and upon turning your back you were met with Loki

“Hey Y/N! It was great working with you today and I must admit you truly have talent like no other”

You blushed at his comment and shot him a quick “Thanks” and “You too”

“You going straight home?”

“Uhm Yea? I have to get dinner started and all” You replied, packing the last of your stuff up.

“Oh…I see I see…Well I was actually wond-”

“Y/N Are you still fucking in there?!” A voice boomed through the room

Your eyes went wide and you quickly swung your bag behind your back “I-Im sorry Loki but I really have to go…”

“I-Uhm yea okay…I just really wanted to ask if-”

Suddenly you saw your boyfriend walk in, clearly angry at something. Loki’s eyes immediately shot at his direction as he watched this angry and slightly intoxicated man burst inside and you running to him an small panic

“Honey! James, I told you that I was working late today! Why are you even here?!”

“Honey? James?” Loki felt both confused and sad.

“No?! You said you’d be done by 4! That’s why i’m here…what? My girlfriend doesn’t come home to the time she said she was and you expect me to not be pissed?!”

“Honey what are you even talking about?! I never said I was off at 4! I even texted you I’d be home by 7!”

“You’re a liar!” James shouted and you quickly shushed him as to not attract any attention

Loki stared at you two. First he felt sad and quite disappointed to find out you had a boyfriend…he’s never fallen for anyone this quickly but something about sharing the stage with him and the passion you both shared brought out this lovey dovey feeling he had deep down inside. And with this being the first of many meetings, he knew he was bound to fall for you further. Second he felt rage towards your pathetic boyfriend, the cursing?! the shouting?! his intoxicated rage towards you?! and the attempt at manipulation was just below pathetic. Loki despises assholes like him, but of course he couldn’t do much about it.

“You’re calling me the liar?! Check your phone! I texted you!” You whispered shouted as you smelled the alcohol reeking from him

“God James are you seriously drunk as well?! You’ve been drinking too much lately”

He scrambled for his phone and saw the text you sent, grumbling to himself, he hissed an looked at you “Whatever I didn’t read it so its still on you! And i’m sorry? Does my drinking pose a problem with you? You’re barley home anyways, out here performing and shit. God I thought this was just some hobby or some shit”

“James?! Are you serious right now?! For the hundredth time…this is my life! my passion! Don’t you dare try to say its just some hobby!”

“Seriously Y/N?! It is! I mean look at this! Its a fake production of a fake story with real people just projecting a fantasy! its pure bullshit!”

You grumbled in frustration “You know what if you seriously have a problem with it why are you even here with me? Why did you come to Asgard huh?! Why!”

Loki knew he wasn’t supposed to be listening, but he couldn’t help himself as you were both arguing quite loudly. He wanted to destroy that pathetic man

“To protect you of course! And…ugh are you really going to make me say it?

“What?!”

“Ok i know its all bullshit but your work is the exception because its you! and UGH yes its bullshit but you blow my mind away sometimes…and you NEED me to protect you…I dont know who might steal your heart here on Asgard?”

“…mhm mhm…Ok can we just go home please?” You asked feeling both hurt but ok at best

“Yes we can go” James said and grabbed you harshly to the exit

You turned at Loki and waved a quick goodbye and mouthed “Im sorry” and walked away…Loki was beyond furious that poor excuse of a man could treat you that way. Calling theatre and acting bullshit?! Bringing your passions down?! Grabbing you in that manner? God it revolted him. You deserved better…so much better, but alas it wasn’t any of Loki’s business nor could he do anything much about it.

Loki never questioned you about that day, seeing as it was something quite personal to share, but he did ask you if you had a boyfriend and how long you two were together. He wasn’t quite happy to hear you’ve had to deal with this man for 2 years now. James would show up to pick you up after every session, either drunk, pissed, in no mood at all, or just being annoyed but he sweet talked his way to make you go home with him each time…even though, deep down inside it was like you were drowning, there were parts of you that were screaming to leave him but you just couldn’t, he was all you had. The most you could do is fantasies and take the small wins, even though you craved more, even though your soul craved better…Oh the guilt you felt when you saw Loki interacting with another co-start…you wished it was you…but- wait, why the hell am i even thinking that?! I have a boyfriend for god sakes! and Loki is just my co-star! Stop it Y/N.

The weeks went on and you and Loki continued to work together onstage. Offstage the both of you got to know one another better and because of this the more he fell for you, for someone he couldn’t be with. He was amazed by you. By your passion, your personality, your kindness…everything…and he knows better than to fall for his co-star but you were the breaker to his rule.

He couldn’t put into words just how amazing you are. Like a blast of energy that you couldn’t contain, just filled with so much drive, passion and life and he hated to admit that this became a small factor to motivate him everyday. To see you, to talk to you, gosh it was like he was a teenager again, eager to see his crush at school, but this was much different.

Although this one week, when you came in for the day, Loki had greeted you as usual, asking how things were or how you were liking Asgard and you gave a half-hearted reply, brushing him off almost entirely and you sat in the corner of the room, going over your lines on your own. Odd behaviour that Loki wasn’t used to and he was split between asking if you were ok or to leave it as is. This didn’t affect your performance onstage but it affected Loki. He didn’t like seeing you this way, and when James came in to pick you up that day, he made sure to stick with you as you both waited. That same week you came in looking worse and Loki decided to finally ask what was wrong, but you shot him down, not really wanting to talk about the horrible comments James had thrown at you last night about you, your career, your cooking or the fact he even threw the glass vase at your wall, sending glass flying and cutting your arm, though that was a scar you could hide. Loki didn’t push you on it anymore but he did request if they could finish earlier today.

“I think we should end a little early today seeing as you all have been working hard these past couple weeks. See you all on Friday!”

You were surprised to finish early today, but I guess it meant you had more time working on dinner. So you packed up and got ready to leave when Loki stopped you

“Y/N…I was wondering if maybe you’d like a cup of coffee before you go home for the day seeing as we finished earlier than usual”

“I uh..hmm” You thought about it, go home to James and cook earlier…or go with coffee with Loki…After last night you needed a break

“Ah why the hell not…coffee and….macaroons?” You asked in hopes to try of Asgardian pastries

“Coffee and macaroons it is! I know a great place near here, ran by a good family friend of mine, im sure you’ll like it”

“Can’t wait to try it” You smiled and let Loki lead the way to this mystery cafe.

Upon reaching the place, you were greeted to a busy yet lively scene. Calling this place beautiful would be underselling it.

“I’ll order us both a latte and grab one macaroon of each flavour, how’s that sound?”

“That sounds great” You smiled and reached for your wallet. “I’ll cover half, how much do I owe you?”

Loki’s faced contorted in confusion “W-What? Y/N!” He chuckled “It’s ok I got it! Treat is on me” He smiled

“What?! No no please! I can’t let you pay for all that! Please let me pay half”

“Nonsense this is on me, that’s final” Loki smiled “Its okay I promise, you deserve a treat, well I guess we do after the work these past weeks”

You sigh and accept his offer “Ok well…Thank you, you are too kind Loki…But next time we get a treat it’ll be on me ok?”

Next time. Ah so there would be a next time. Loki grinned at the thought…although reality snapped him back when he remembered your boyfriend “Hmmm, I would still treat you next time…but if you insist, next time you’ll treat us”

You nodded and Loki went and got the coffee and macaroons.

He came back with your treats and…they were the best damn macaroons you’ve had in your life

“Holy shit these are delicious! There has to be actual magic in these…amazing! amazing!”

Loki watched as you ate the sweet treats “Told you I knew a place and if you must know, they don’t have magic, just made with love”

You laughed “Ah yes…Love! Ok but seriously I need to bring a tray of these when I go back to Midgard, just one big tray of em all for me”

“You know I could do that for you? Perhaps we can share…if you are willing”

“Share?! Never! the imaginary tray of macaroons is mine only hehe” You smiled “okay maybe you can have one”

“Just one?!” Loki said in a dramatic tone “So you get a whole tray and I get one?!”

“Yes! One!” You laughed “I’’m so kind I know”

“Sure…sooooo kind! Y/N gives Loki ONE macaroon!” He teased…He wished you could both stay like this forever

As you were both enjoying each other company and the nature around you, James had spotted you as he was too on a coffee run and approached you both

“Y/N?! The hell you doing here?! I thought you were at work?!”

“Oh! H-Honey we just finished early today and L-Loki here invited me for some coffee and macaroons…I hope that’s alright by you”

“You should have told me first…or why didn’t you go home and start with dinner?”

“I uh…i’m sorry it slipped my mind and I was t-thinking…we could just…take out some dinner?”

“Y/N you’re better than this! I need to know where you are…and yea whatever we can get dinner out”

Loki sat there feeling awkward and so quickly cut the silence by introducing himself “Hi I am uh Loki…co-stars with Y/N…she’s told me about you James…uh nice to meet you”

Confused by this, James hesitantly shook his hand “Uh nice to meet you Loki…i guess…So what has Y/N said about me?”

“Uh…you both have been dating 2 years…and..yea..” Loki replied awkwardly

You watched James expression and you knew having these two meet was a horrible idea…but not much you can do now.

The two continued their VERY awkward conversation and soon James pulled you up and demanded you both went home

“Uhm…See you on Friday Loki” You say as James dragged you off

“Uh See you…” Loki was fuming…

Friday came around and one again your demeanour had shifted. You were shut off, closed, awkward and of course Loki noticed this. This wasn’t the real you, the you he had coffee and macaroons with…he was worried…he knew you deserved better, he knew he could treat you 100 times better. God he wished he could be yours…he would love you so much more than any other being. The day went so-so and Loki had waved you goodbye…all he looked forward to was the next week in which he could see you again…

So when you unexpectedly did not turn up the following week for practice, he was sad, but from his sadness quickly grew concern after seeing the nature of your boyfriend and how he treated you. He couldn’t focus the entire day, worried about what happened to you or if you were ok. Once the day was over, he quickly rushed to the nearest restaurant and bought some takeout for you to have, in case you had just come down with some sort of flu.

Approaching your temporary living space he immediately heard screaming from none other than James. Loki dropped the food at the doorstep and peaked through the window. He could only see James’s face as your back was facing the window. Loki couldn’t grasp the focus of the argument as James was mainly throwing horrible insults at you

“You bitch are you serious?! Why do you alway lie to me? After all I have done for you?! For us to get here!”

“James…its called ACTING! do i have to explain myself all the damn time?! And you better stop calling me a liar, I told you about the play, about the theme, about the scenes…and It’s fine its just acting…”

“Are you being fucking for real?! Are you serious now Y/N?! You expect me to believe that you’re telling the truth right now?! That these so called scenes weren’t just written in after you said yes to this?! God why couldn’t they just cast a single woman? Not someone with a boyfriend?!”

“BECAUSE JAMES IT WAS OFFERED TO ME! Because I have talent! I have passion! I am a performer, have been all my life! Sorry they casted me! Sorry they casted a woman in a relationship but its not like I can do anything about it?! Nothing is ever enough in your eyes and I don’t even know why I care for your opinion!”

“YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO CARE I AM YOUR BOYFRIEND AND I AM NOT LETTING YOU GO WITH THIS PROJECT ANY FURTHER”

“WHAT NO?! you cant control my life like that asshole?!”

“THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME??? Y/N I DONT CONTROL YOUR LIFE BUT IM SURE AS HELL GONNA STOP YOU FROM ALL THE STUPIDITY YOUR DOING” James approached you, backing you up against the wall

“James! JAMES! STOP IT” He raised his hand over you

Loki’s eyes shot wide, accidentally knocking on the window and immediately James’s attention went to the window “HEY WHO THE HELL IS THERE?!” Loki scrammed immediately, leaving you and James to your own business.

After that incident he knew he has to something about it, he wasn’t going to watch as you get hurt by that horrible man.

You came in for the next practice session…with James which threw off everyone but instead of greeting your cast mates or even Loki, you darted straight to the hair and makeup station. Loki saw you zoom by and immediately tried to catch up with you, which only increased your walking speed, practically jogging at this point. James locked the door to the station and you ignored Loki completely. Passing conversations can be heard from you both…although Loki no longer cared, he was worried for you, he couldn’t stand the thought of what your bastard of a boyfriend could have done to you and so he forced himself in.

“Loki?! What the hell you broke the lock!” You say in shock with James sharing the same reaction as you

“I know but I can’t stand this anymore!” He marched towards you and went to grab your shoulders in an attempt for a hug, causing you to flinch and move back. Thrown off, Loki looked at you confused and “Y/N your face…” Loki got a real good look at the bruise on your arm, cheek, and neck…

Loki looked at you, then at James, and clicked.

“YOU BASTARD!” Loki launched at James

“HEY! HEY! HEY!” James shouted, blocking Loki’s hands and body

“What the hell did you do asshole? You did that? YOU hurt her?!” Loki managed to push past James’s block and locked his godly hands and arms onto his shoulder, gripping on so tight it caused your boyfriend to flinch and squirm in pain

“Hey man let me-”

”NO!” Using his magic, Loki blasted James against the wall, causing his body to shake as he fell to the ground “The hell is wrong with you?!” he screamed

“ME?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” Loki approached him and placed his foot on his chest, letting his entire body weight shift to his foot.

“Ow! Jeez!”

“You know I don’t care who you are, I don’t care that you’re dating Y/N, you pathetic little man I will ruin your life for touching her, I will end your stupid, worthless, pathetic little existence for what you did to her! You understand me?! There is a special place in Hel for assholes like you! Bastards that think hitting, cursing and treating their partners like shit is even ok!”

“Loki stop it!” You shouted

He ignored you and grabbed James’s face “You ever come back here, you ever even think about seeing her again, or so help me god even think about laying another finger on her, I will snap your body like a twig and make sure you suffer a long…painful…demise” he growled

You saw all this happening and while you were terrified, part of you felt relief…it was over…it was finally over….right?

James struggled against Loki’s grasp, Loki looked like he was actually going to end him

“Loki look at me!” you shouted

He immediately did and saw your eyes, he saw that as much as James was an asshole…you didn’t want Loki to actually kill him

Loki looked back at James and let him go “This is your only chance to go…SCRAM”

And just like that James ran out, leaving your life for good

You and Loki stood there in awkward silence

…

“Loki?” You whispered

He immediately looked at you “Y/N!” He ran towards you, about to bring you to an embrace but remembering you were probably not comfortable at the moment “Are you ok…?”

“Not…really…but better” You admitted “Thank you…” You smiled at him.

“Of course…I-I couldn’t go on just working with you knowing or not knowing what was happening…I’m just glad you don’t have to deal with that asshole anymore…right?”

“Yea…its over…after yesterday…I knew we were through, I just didn’t know how to end it…so thank you…so so so much…You’ve done more for me than most people have about all this…” You hugged him as tears fell from your eyes

He hugged you back carefully as to not startle you “I love you to much to see you like this” Loki blurted. Uh shit?! Not the time?!

“You love me?” You pulled away and asked

Loki went red at your question “I-I Uh…yea? I do…I do love you…look I know were just co-stars and hell you just went through such a shitty thing and this is the worst way to say it but yes I love you…a lot” he fumbled at his words

You smiled at him “Despite everything…and I wont lie… but I love you too”

You both embraced each other as you felt the safety of his love and his arms

——————————————————————————

(a/n): this took awhile for me to get out bc tbh i dont really know how to write a story like this...very well...but either way i got through it! hope you enjoyed and james is an asshole

TAGS: @jennaortegaswifeyy

[jedinightsister]

2 qs :) 1) what’s your favourite slow horses duo/team up? shirley/anyone is always prime entertainment but in the later books lech and louisa have been surprisingly competent together. Also shirley/river/jk coe “huddling” (“it’s not touching its survival!!!”) was hilarious

2) what do you think of the casting for the new characters? Obvs will reserve judgment for when I’ve seen their take on the characters but the actor they chose for whelan for example I think is maybe…. Too conventionally attractive lol. Like I remember him being described as balding. Ofc a good actor can serve us pathetic realness regardless of their looks! I mean we already we have Jack lowden as river

Tysm for the q's anon! My answers under the cut<3

QUESTION 1

That is so hard... I think I love that they always mix it up, so we can see all kinds of dynamics between the characters y'know. Like, they have a go-to pairing (ex. Min and Louisa, Shirley and Marcus), but they also switch things up to bring out a different kind of interaction. Whether it's supportive, deprecating, etc. it's just awesome.

For my personal faves tho, there's a lot and I will name them all from what I can remember.

1. Shirley and Marcus. Even after Marcus is gone, the ripple of this friendship in Shirley's life is just so strong, it is both amusing and heartbreaking. That despite how much antagonistic Shirley is toward him, she grew to genuinely care about him in her own way, to reciprocate how he cared about her. I'm scared af for season 4 because this is coming. Part of me doesn't want them to push through with it, but again, I love the effect of his loss on Shirley, for better or worse.

2. Louisa and Min. Bit of a similar sentiment here. Min's loss really takes its toll on Louisa and how she interacts with everyone else. But when they were still together, I also enjoy how they balance each other out. Min really wears his heart on his sleeve and tries to get Louisa out of her shell. And we see Louisa's struggles with that.

3. Louisa and River. The "competent" ones of Slough House hahaha. A duo I'm glad because we will see more of. I love the parallel of both of them dealing with loss (Min and Sid) and again, being the "competent" ones compared to everyone else. River being his hero complex, loser self, and Louisa not letting him off the hook so easily. Ah, there's the word I'm looking for-- accountable. They hold each other accountable, especially for this next pairing.

4. Shirley and JK. I don't even know what to say for these two 😆😆 They are the outsider crazies, Shirley being the super noisy cuz she high on drugs, and JK being absolutely silent but having the darkest intrusive thoughts. Both however seem to really share this dark, violent streak, and the fact that their team up resolved the conflict in London Rules instead of River and Louisa, it always cracks me up 😆

5. That said, River-JK and Louisa-Shirley team ups also one of my faves. Gotta put them together in one because the dynamic is somewhat similar. River and Louisa trying to "babysit" JK and Shirley while they do the "adult" work of investigating. JK's paint accident and Shirley's stint with a bat...oh dear. 😆

6. Louisa and Emma. I know Emma doesn't technically count as a Slow Horse, but she might as well be in Joe Country. Their friendship was so precious to me and I wish we got more. 🤧

7. Agree with you anon, Shirley/JK/River is also top of my list. The comedic trio we never knew we needed, so of course Mick Herron said " can't let my readers have nice things" and k-worded JK 🥲 his final moments with Shirley are so devastating like... Grrr.

8. Unfortunately I dont remember Louisa and Lech's dynamic specifically, but I am pretty sure I loved it as well??? I know I liked that a bit of an unhinged fella took JK's place a lil bit lol. I just love the more chaotic Slough House is with their different personalities.

QUESTION 2

I quite like the new castings!

Emma Flyte looks great. And her brief interactions with Lamb were already iconic haha.

We haven't seen JK Coe in the trailers or pics yet, but based on the actor himself, I can totally see him pulling off JK's isolative silence and eventual killer instinct madness lol.

I'm not sure how I feel about Frank Harkness. I know the actor from his other roles, but I'd like to see more of how his interactions with River go.

I have to agree that Claude Whelan casting feels off from the surface, but because of having seen him on Blood And Treasure, I actually think he's perfect given Claude's slimy personality haha.

[kkf]

I’ve woken up with Ava Max’s “Sweet But Psycho” chorus in my head the last few days. My subconscious is definitely not trying to tell me something.

To be specific, it was the chorus:

Oh, she's sweet but a psycho

A little bit psycho

At night, she's screamin'

"I'm-ma-ma-ma out my mind"

Not the most comforting lyrics to wake up to. While contemplating my current mental health, I considered how my therapist would ask me to deconstruct that particular thought.

Which, because of my recent Buffy rewatch brain, eventually led me to think about how badly Buffy needed a therapist. In 144 episodes, she had only three brushes with mental health professionals. I’m going to set aside 6.14 “Normal Again,” because that not only does that episode merit its own post, but I also don’t have enough chocolate on hand to grapple with the mind fuck that is that episode. I’m just looking at 3.04 “Beauty and the Beast” and 7.07 “Conversations with Dead People.”

In season 3, Buffy is recovering from the implosion of her relationship with Angel. As a Bangel fan, it hurts me to write this, but the relationship from the point where Angel loses his soul is a metaphor for an abusive relationship (dude tries to kill her, her friends, her classmates, end the world…not a healthy route to take a relationship).

So as the season starts Buffy is traumatized from losing Angel and Jenny, as well as being the one who had to sacrifice the person she loved to save the world. After her three month sabbatical to LA, our girl CLEARLY needed some professional help to sort through everything. And for once, Buffy gets some of this help in the form of Mr. Platt, the school guidance counselor.

Buffy’s conversation with Platt is impressive when one considers how much ground he covers in such a short amount of time.

Of course, in true Buffyverse fashion, this help from a qualified professional only lasts about the 15 minutes it takes for him to become a victim of our latest monster of the week, a Jekyll-Hyde classmate whose own abusive relationship is meant to serve as a foil for that of Buffy and Angel. Buffy never gets professional help again. Until Holden, Buffy’s former classmate-turned therapist-turned newly risen vampire.

(Confession: I have a soft spot for Holden, because the actor who plays him was also in one of my favorite episodes of Firefly.)

Now Holden’s therapy session is an interesting blend of analysis and fisticuffs, as he IS a newly turned vampire and is, thus, evil. As he reminds us.

For this reason, Holden has a slightly more confrontational style when getting Buffy to open up. He challenges her, pushes her not to hold back. And as a result Buffy is open about her inferiority-superiority complex, which really, he says, is the root of the loneliness that Buffy feels. Being the Slayer makes her feel superior to her friends, however her performance as the Slayer makes her feel isolated and inferior. As Holden states, “it all adds up to you being alone.” But then goes on to argue that “everybody is until you die.”

Thinking about loneliness and isolation as recurring themes for Buffy, both of which are experiences trauma survivors tend to experience, I’m reminded about a recent YouTube short (which was originally a TikTok) that I saw which stated two pieces of food for thought. The first was that “the reason why we self sabotage is because it allows us to predict what is going to happen which gives us the illusion of control over our own pain” and the second was that “they’re not your type, they’re your pattern.”

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/fx12Lxxojvo

Buffy’s sabotaging patterns of behavior (choosing men who are centuries older than her for example, or men who she is in no danger of falling in love with) offer her the illusion of control over what kind of pain she is inviting into her life.

Additionally, Buffy’s patterns of behavior - the self isolation, the relationships she chooses, all of them work as ways of protecting herself. She chooses emotional isolation from her friends as a method of protecting herself from the possibility that they won’t understand the choices that she’s making or that they will call her out on repeating sabotaging patterns of behavior.

It’s not a coincidence that it’s someone outside her immediate social circle who calls her out on her pattern of choosing relationships where she doesn’t have to completely open up. As Holden is someone to whom she has weak social ties, Buffy is more likely to be receptive to new ideas coming from him than from someone within her close social circle.

Often, especially when starting therapy, the fact that the person you’re speaking with is someone who has no “horse in the race” enables a patient to be more open, not just to being completely honest with the therapist, but also to receiving feedback. With my own therapy experience, having a complete stranger validate that while my reactions to certain triggers were not disproportionate, they didn’t make me crazy. They didn’t make me broken.

I wish, looking back, that Buffy had more of an opportunity to interact with mental health professionals. The metaphor of the show is “growing up.” How much more interesting and helpful would it have been for young viewers to have seen that the patterns we can find ourselves in can be challenged. That we can change. That with a little help, we can stop feeling so “psycho.”

[absolutebl]

And there it is again: In the first episode of Love in the Air, our young hero's buddy compliments him by saying he's handsome, that he "looks like Korean actor."

I've caught just enough of these references in my first year of BL viewing to realize that it's "a thing": Korea is the gold standard of ... something ... to other SE Asians ? Do I have that right ? If so, the ideal of what, exactly ?

Astro’s Eunwoo is generally considered/discussed as the perfect example of Korean masculine beauty. 

10 Korean Male Beauty Ideals

The checklist of Korean masculine beauty standards (as of 2022) is as follows: 

over 183cm (6″+) 

slim/skinny build but toned body (we talking swimmer over bodybuilder) 

a “small face” 

pale skin 

dark defined eyebrows

a smaller mouth

high cheekbones

v shaped or sharp jaw line 

double eyelids & bigger eyes 

high nose bridge 

Plastic surgery is often utilized to attain the final three in particular.* 

Add to the above the global procreative breeding standards for “healthy” masculinity such as: symmetry in face and form, broad shoulders, clear skin. 

SF9′s Rowoon is a great example of an idol successfully transitioning to leading man. He meets all 10 standards and is v tall at 190.5 or about 6″3. 

A Bit About Idols & Beauty Standards 

The visual of the idol group is (usually) the one who meets the most of the above checklist + photographs particularly well. As opposed to the center who is usually the best allrounder and/or most charismatic performer. Ironically the face of a group is usually the best representative in terms of communication and popularity style (handling fans + the press). But idols can/do hold more than one position in a group. 

Position distinctions are becoming less popular in 4th gen Kpop groups. While position assignments, including those based explicitly on Korean beauty standards, were pretty much expected of 3rd gen group formation. 

Idols “visual” judgement tends to be decided upon and called via the same standards as above checklist, but they are permitted to be more androgynous by branding than if they were leading man Kdrama actors.

That said, idols tend to transition to acting if they can meet more of the above named standards (and want to act, of course), specifically height. They will probably never get to play leading men if they don’t meet the height standard so that’s usually the biggest hurdle (pun intended) - except for if they do BL. Of course, there are exceptions if the idol is an extremely good actor or very very famous. My bias, Jinyoung, is short to be an actor, for example. He still gets rolls but it will always be harder for him to play a grown up leading man in a romance Kdrama than someone like Rowoon or Eunwoo.  

GOT7′s Jinyoung in Devil Judge 

How Does this Work Outside of Korea? 

Hallyu has had a profound effect on taste not just in other parts of Asia, but globally. But you asked about Asia.

Here’s a very good YT vid on the subject which basically is focused on women and China, but still addresses why Asian Beauty standards are the way they are culturally & historically. 

So when an Asian country (particularly in the south) calls a character “handsome like a Korean actor” that is code for particularly distinguishing the character as handsome by virtue of his “non local” features: like paleness and tallness. (Thailand also does this with reference to western beauty standards. Both Dean in UWMA and Tharn in TharnType are commented on/called out for/self identify as being handsome due in part to their “foreign” features, but the Thai word used is slang for a “foreigner of European decent.”) 

TharnType 2

Because of the popularity of both Kdramas and Kpop, Korean beauty standards are coming to dominate taste at least amongst specific age brackets of consumers/watchers and in countries where Kdramas and Kpop are particularly popular. In these case, the 10 point check list above comes into play when you get a comment like the ones we see in Thai BL. 

That said, Chinese beauty standards (somewhat different) are also in play in the culture itself (for primarily socio-political and historical reasons, so more prevalent amongst older generations, and places that were occupied by China or have intimate social-political relations with it, like Taiwan), as well as western standards (blame colonialism, Hollywood, and the fashion industry). Taiwan is an interesting case since it has intimate ties on all levels with China, Japan, S Korean, and the west, so their beauty standards are particularly varied. 

Japanese beauty standards (which used to dominate many parts of Asian because they cornered the market on music initially *waves at 90s Jpop* as well as manga, animation, cinema, and porn prior to Hallyu not to mention the whole, ya know, empire thing) have experienced significant pushback in the last 20 years, particularly from Korea. That said, their standards still hold pretty strongly within Japan (of course). They are a lot less formal and proscriptive. But, loosely, Japan tends to like a softer face shape, heavier jaw, and wider mouth and be less concerned about extreme tallness. They do love big eyes though. NCT’s Yuta is a pretty good example of one type of Japanese masculine beauty standard. But Japan has more than one. Remember the culture concept of kawaii is in play. Aka men are also allowed to be cute as a form of sexiness. 

Old Fashion Cupcake 

* Yes, I am well aware this is a terrible unachievable bullshit. I am answering the question not making a judgement call. 

Finally: 

Like most beauty standards, these are the result of classism, racism, and colonial occupational history. Not to mention trends, styles, permissive fetishization, gender binary, infantilization, and core linguistic symbolism and syntax around the meaning of worlds used to define and talk about beauty. 

I’m discussing this shizz from a cultural anth and pop culture analysts perspective. Don’t come at me in the comments because you possess the sadly ubiquitous inability to critically think about your own cultural biases and how these might impact your consumption of a different culture’s pop product. My patience is wearing thin and my ban hammer is immediate these days. 

(source) 

[thelostgetfound-artemis]

BL Actors Who Just...Cry So Well

Now disclaimer for this: I wouldn't say I cry easily, whether the situation in the show is intense or not doesn't really matter, for me it depends on the actors in the scene, and some are just REALLY good at crying. (Or I guess, really making me believe it.) These are actors that could be filming a scene where their toaster isn't working and I WILL cry if they do, just because the certain nuances they add to a crying scene take me out.

This is totally subjective for me, so if your fave isn't here it's not that they're bad actors by any means, they just didn't pass my personal 'emotional-vibe-check'. Or maybe I haven't seen them in anything before!!

No.1 EARTH Katsamonnat ( Cooheart)

Earth has cried in every show I've seen him in. Which means I have cried during every show I've seen him in. 11/10 performance every single time. If he has any lines when he's crying, you can tell from his voice that it's genuine. That choked up sound where your throat feels tight and it's kind of hard to get out what you're saying? He's got it down pat. As soon as it starts looking like he's in a situation that could lead to tears, I'm grabbing a tissue because I know I'm about to be a mess too.

No.2 NANON Korapat

It's the way I suddenly become an empath when this man acts. Like a lot of the people on this list, Nanon acts really well with his eyes. He gets this really sparkly sheen over them in scenes, sometimes even when they're not sad scenes, it's like the lighting is set up specifically to catch on his eyes everytime. Crazy. And let me tell you, as soon as his eyes get glassy mine do too. Then the rest of his face follows suit and it's just downhill from there. 10/10 rec watching episode 5 of bad buddy if you need to make sure your own tear ducts are in working order.

[ The rest follow in no particular order ]

NUNEW Chawarin

I couldn't believe it when I found out Cutie Pie was his first time acting. How?

I was a wreck at the end of episode two during the car scene. I don't know how the driver managed to circle the block so effortlessly because if that was me overhearing him cry I'd have to pull over. The thing about NuNews acting that gets me when he cries, is similar to Earth. It's all in the voice. This really got me again later when he's on the phone to his mother and he pulls it away to get his bearings before he speaks again, not wanting to sound like he's crying. It's done so well and so believably I want to cut the cameras and make sure he's okay, damn.

PP Krit

Listen. Is it his acting or is it just the body's natural response when looking at this man?

In all seriousness, anyone who's been watching BL for a while has seen ITSAY. Take a shot every time one of the leads cries. I dare you. In saying that, I think Billkin probably cries more throughout the show, and he's an incredible actor too, but I wasn't using my sweater sleeves to dry my eyes until PP had his moments. There's just something about him,, he looks so small. Like I just want to wrap him in a blanket and set fire to anyone who's hurt him.

I haven't watched I Promised You The Moon yet, because I got spoiled. And I know from those spoilers Oh-Aew probably cries a lot and I'm not physically ready to lose that much moisture from my body, so.

SANTA Pongsapak

Santa is my most recent addition. Like Nanon he's also really good at acting with his eyes, especially when he's happy or enamoured. When he's filming sad scenes I wouldn't say he's as quick to tears as some actors/characters but you can see it in his whole body how he's holding them back. He also does this thing where he wipes tears away really casually, most times when characters do this it's like a full moisturizing routine with how they do it, or they rub really hard at their eyes, all of which is fine, but for me personally the way Santa does it in a more casual way like he's trying to shake off the feelings is something i personally relate to. I'm really looking forward to more shows from him

Go watch My Only 12% if you haven't, it's amazing

Special Mention: GUN Atthaphan

Obviously Gun is 10/10, he's a special mention because he's ofc an amazing actor and originally I did cry every time he did l,, but Theory Of Love broke me and I'm fine watching him cry now 💗

How does this list measure up to yours?

[kyberphilosopher]

Fensterln

“I can’t get up. You’re sitting on top of me.”

Warning(s): some allusions to sex, explicit-ish language, fluff, reader has a whole ‘Black Cat’ thing going on. Word Count: 3273

Notes: This is a requested work. This is a headcanoned canon version of Superboy, meaning he is no version in particular and simply the character I figure as a whole. Reader can be any gender.

“Fensterln is when you have to climb through someone’s window in order to have sex with them, without their parents knowing about it.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You know, most people think that climbing up the side of a building is easy. Like it’s nothing. They see it on TV, and in the movies, and in cartoons even, and they think, “That doesn’t look so bad!” because it doesn’t. Cartoons and actors don’t have to deal with the wind whipping their hair, constantly pushing their whole body all around, the butterflies of anxiousness making their heart thump, threatening the scenario of falling to their death. It’s terrifying. It takes a lot of skill, a lot of courage, and a lot of luck. 

“Shit.”

Your right hand releases from the glass, arm slowly swinging back until it’s at your side. The same sides foot follows this pattern of rotation, until only your left fingertips and toes are stuck to the wall of the building, suctioning you to life. Below you, hundreds and hundreds of feet, is an island of grass and sand, encompassed by a large body of water. Over the tidal waves chip chopping away, there’s a distance. And in that distance, is the city, just under the inky blackness of the midnight sky. 

Jump City, it’s called. You’re not too familiar with it. Most of your time is spent in Metropolis, or Gotham. Luckily, both of those cities have plenty of skyscrapers to practice scaling. One could say that you’d perfected the art of this sort of thing. The finger pads on your suit are sophisticatedly sticky, seamlessly letting you latch onto anything with grace. Your feet are the same. 

The wind hits your face like sharp needles, amplified by the cold air and the incline. Your hair whips around wildly, also different from how it flows, softly, in the movies. The harsh breeze roars in your ears, louder than the thousands of explosions you’ve heard in your lifetime. Although dangerous, nothing beats the view. Those thousands of lights in the distance, the cars, the buildings, this building that you’re on now. Titan’s Tower is far larger and closer and more important than anything else at the moment. 

“Okay then,” you mutter, twisting your body over to the right twice more, until finally both hands and feet are connecting against the glass in a stealthy, perfect crawling position. 

You work your way up, one foot and hand at the time. You resemble that of a spider, or perhaps a cat. One, two. One, two. 

His room is on one of the top floors, if not the top floor. From the two other times that you’ve done this, you remember the number of steps, the distance, the little cracks in the glass panes to look for so you know you’re close. Even from the outside, hundreds of feet up, hanging above death tantalizingly, you know exactly where you are and where you need to be. And you know, of course, that you are close. 

Your right hand leaves the wall once more and reaches down to the belt on your hips. “Coming, my love,” you mutter as you flip open a small pouch attached. From the inside you pull out a slim switchblade, made specifically to cut through glass walls like this- designed it yourself. 

The knife springs open. In a circle big enough to fit your entire body, you trace the blade in a wide arc from up to down, left to right. Then you flip the blade back inside, place the whole thing back into the pouch on the belt, and shove your left elbow against the middle of the glass in front of you. 

It pops free immediately. The circle of wall falls forward into the room, with you not far behind.

Landing like a gymnast on your toes with your arms overhead, you are immune to the sharp pain in your femurs that comes from a sudden pressure like this. The glass pane is still intact on the floor ahead of you, which is coated with a red carpet that you recognize so well. It’s much warmer inside than it was outside, although you can still feel the night wind from behind you.

“Silent,” a voice remarks from beside you. It’s not an amused tone, really. It’s genuine and full of awe, surrounded by something casual. 

You hum as you stand before throwing a look over your shoulder. Sure enough at your back, splayed casually on a bed against the wall you just broke through, is your favorite boy toy. Dark, curly hair framing his classically handsome face, nose scrunching slightly on instinct. He’s wearing the black and red super shirt he always does, coupled with the plaid pajama bottoms you’d gotten him as a gift in spring.

You want so badly to quip something back, but you both know you can’t right now. Not when you’re so close to the door. And yeah, that’s partially Conner’s fault, if not all. Too much noise would attract the attention of his team mates, the Titans, and then something probably not that great would happen. Maybe they’d throw you out. Maybe they’d fire him. Maybe things would just get weird. It’s not as if you and Connor are an official couple, even after all this time. You could stop sneaking around to see each other at any sense of danger.

You take a step towards the bed he lays on, noting the big, bright smile that lights up Superboy’s face at the motion. “Can you fix the hole?” you whisper, just loud enough for him to hear.

Conner’s eyes go wide and the smile gets bigger.

“In the wall.”

The smile turns into an eye roll. “Yes,” he sighs, almost dramatically, pushing himself up. The boy crosses to the center of the room a few feet from you and begins picking up the perfect circle of cut window- wall while you look around the area.

You’ve snuck into Conner’s room before. Twice, in fact. It’s not clean, not horribly messy. His leather jacket is usually hanging off the dresser or door handle. Sweatshirts of different colors are littering the floor in a collective pile. It looks like a normal teenage boys room, really. It just feels very ‘Conner’.

First, he pushes the glass back into place in the wall, then he takes a few steps back. You throw him a smirk, nudging your head to encourage him to do the thing.

Conner’s eyes heat up. Little at first, as a soft yellow. Then into an all consuming scarlet that hisses out in two beams meeting in the middle between them. They move in a circle around the pane until you can’t even tell it was ever not there, and the wind you once heard no longer exists. The wall is perfectly in tact.

“Thank you, Superboy,” you tell him, tone laced overly sweet. Your hands, freezing from the cold even through the gloves of your costume, wrap around Conner’s upper arm.

“Yeah,” he tosses, back, voice low. His cheeks are turning pink.

You unhook your arms and saunter over to his mattress. As you throw yourself on and relax as you sink into the pillows, you let your eyes close. “You’re lucky I like you so much,” you tease. “Mm, do you know a lot of people who would climb up the Tower for you? I don’t.”

Upon hearing him take a single step forward, one eye pops open. “I know you missed me,” you continue.

Conner lays himself on the bed beside you, hands behind his bed with his arms bent. You turn to face him, propping your head up with your palm.

“You never answer my texts,” Conner says, Adam’s apple bobbing.

“You text me?” you smirk, watching Superboys eyes sink close as he releases a sigh of defeat.

Your left leg slips over Conner’s hips. Then you pull your whole body up and over into a straddle over him, looking down at him. He’s handsome in the way nobody can argue with, so perfect and soft and structured. When you squint, he looks like Superman. But Conner’s not Superman, he’s better. You can’t explain why, or how, but he just is.

You place your palms forward on his chest at first, then backwards, behind your back, on Conner’s thighs. Your chest puffs out at the slight change of position.

Below you, the boy bites his lower lip softly in thought for a second. “What if I got you a phone?” Conner asks you. His light eyes holding yours through thick, dark lashes. “Just so you can text me back sometimes?”

“Us?” you gasp with wide eyes. “Talking? During the daytime?”

Conner glances away. “Message received. Very funny. Forget it.”

“I’m messing with you,” you promise with a smile. “Loosen up Super-Annoy.”

“So you’ll let me get you one?” Conner pushes himself up with a snap, eyes wide with some kind of excitement.

Well… would you? You haven’t had a lot of long term partners, if any. Your time with Conner has been the longest with anyone, and he’s not even really your boyfriend. He’s just… you know… the guy you kissed on a rooftop one night. The guy who once surprised you with a cone of ice cream, again on a night time rooftop, whilst you were sitting on the side of the building to watch the city below. The guy who remembered your birthday, the guy who keeps sending you the many, many texts reminding you that you can watch your favorite show on the TV in the tower. The guy who once lied to get you to ice skate with him.

Something about Conner has been enough to keep you hooked for months and months, always coming back. Sneaking into the Tower, taking more and more trips to Jump City, keeping notes of events throughout your week to tell him about when you see him. 

How silly. Never giving the time of day to any other partner of yours, but for Conner? Conner has gotten at least eight months of it. 

“I’ll think about it,” you roll your eyes. 

“You promise?” Conner urges. 

“Yes. Jeez, I promise. I will think about letting you get me a phone that only you have the number to.”

“Please don’t laugh at me about this.”

“I’m not laughing at you.”

“It feels like it.”

“Connor,” you clasp a hand on his shoulder, pushing back laughter. “Have I ever laughed at you?”

“W- Is that- is that a serious question?” Conner’s eyebrows raise. 

“Get up,” you roll your neck. “I want to change positions.”

The boy below you shifts. For a quick moment, something pokes between your hips from underneath. Your pupils dilate in response, but by the time they finish, the movement has ceased. “Tell me about your day.”

“I want to lay down,” you say as you stretch. “I just scaled up the side of the skyscraper-”

“You love it.”

“-and it was oh, so cold. I’m tired.”

“That’s not your day.”

You just stare at him expectantly, not quite sure what it is you’re waiting for. 

“I can’t get up. You’re sitting on top of me,” Conner concedes. “You chose to be up there.”

“Prove it,” you challenge.

“Yeah, yeah,” the boy below you hisses as if annoyed. “I get it,” he says, but his arms are already snaking around your torso to pull you close and slowly pull you into a new position. 

You lay on your side, back against Conner’s broad chest. His arms stay wrapped around your middle as he curls up against you on instinct, legs quick to tangle with your own. You know he must really be interested in you if he’s not going to mention that your ‘work’ shoes are still on while in bed. 

“You’re an ass,” he mutters into your hair. 

“What was that?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Ha,” you chuckle once. “Douche.”

“Please tell me about your day now?” you hear Conner almost plead. “Please?”

One of your hands, your right one, rests on top of Conner’s against your stomach. “Oh, you know. The usual. I helped out a small jewelry store today, snuck into a big building, currently hiding from Nightwing- you know how it is.”

“There wasn’t much crime today. I mostly just stayed in. You know that big building you snuck into?”

“Such a douche,” you breathe.

“Jealous much?” Superboy rumbles against your ear. 

“I’m gonna tell Dick,” you tell him. “I’ll send an anonymous tip that one of the Titan’s is a big poop face.”

Conner puts his whole face in your hair. “Shiver me timbers.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s not fair you guys get a whole building to yourselves. What are you even using half these floors for? People in Gotham are struggling.” You frown. “Well, except for Wayne. But you know what? He’s a douche too. You’d get along.”

Conner squeezes you once. Then you feel him still from behind you, not even breathing. And then-

“Move in then.”

At once, your brows furrow. “What?”

Your companion squeezes you once more. “Move in. Move in with me. In the Tower.”

Your mouth opens and closes a couple times, eyes looking around. You can’t see Conner, but you can feel him out. His eyes are closed, still inhaling the scent of you shamelessly. It’s hard for people to catch you off guard, not just like this, but at all. You just have that sarcastic, witty, sultry reputation. And for him- Super-Annoy, of all people- to just throw you off so easily?

“I’m not a Titan,” you decide on explaining, almost asking. 

“Become one, then.”

“I don’t have the money to move in. The rent must be crazy.”

“I’ll pay for you.”

“Conner,” you swallow. “This isn’t funny.”

“I’m not joking.” His head pops up. When you turn yours a little, you can look up at him, and he can look down at you. “Move into the Tower.”

Now your eyes are wide, and his are relaxed. No, Conner’s are focused, drilling into your own. “I’m... hardly Titan’s material.”

This was true. You’ve been skirting the gray line far longer than you’ve known Superboy, and he’s been super since the beginning of his creation. The first time you’d met was about ten seconds before you’d robbed a bank and sent him a wink before disappearing. 

“You just told me, not five minutes ago, that you helped a small business. Helping people is what heroes are all about. You can do this, Y/N. You are Titan’s material.”

Shit. He’s right. 

“Why not?” Conner questions. 

“I... um...”

You’ve never lived with another person before. Your family, once upon a time, sure. Not friends. Not Dick Grayson, or Kori, or Rachel fucking Roth. And certainly not Superboy- Super-Annoy. Not someone you have a ‘thing’ with. What would that mean for the two of you? And when things go terribly, terribly wrong, what then?

Gotta’ think fast. 

Your face is wiped clean, replaced by your signature smirk. “Get me a phone first. Then I’ll consider it.”

Conner doesn’t budge though. You wonder if X-Ray vision can see through lies too. “I mean it,” the boy tells you. “I want you here.”

“I have to survive the night in the building with boy prodigy and star flame.”

“Starfire.”

“Whatever. I have to do that first. There’s a reason we sneak me in, you know.”

Your free hand reaches up and cups Conner’s cheek without you telling it to. You ask your brain why, but yet, your palm doesn’t move. It feels over Conner’s cheekbones, encouraging you to look deeper into his somehow soft eyes. Your fingertips can even feel his hair, which is in need of a wash, as they get comfortable. 

“For you,” you finish the sentiment, voice now genuine- also not predicted. “Sneaking in for you.”

“I don’t want you to feel like a secret,” the boy above you whispers, pouring his entire heart into it. 

You answer with a snort. 

If anything, Conner’s the secret. If he had his way, the two of you would probably be on your honeymoon at this moment. Hell, your whole relationship and subsequent marriage would be a honeymoon. You’re the one letting him follow you around. You’re the one never giving him just what he wants. 

But then again, you’re the one who keeps coming back. Conner’s the one that never left. 

“Trust me,” you nod with a humored grin. “I don’t.”

Conner sighs and falls back down to rest behind  you. “Good.”

Besides his breathing, then there is silence. 

Really? Telling you to move in? Of course it doesn’t seem like such a big deal to him. Of course he has the solution to all the reasons why not. Your fairly certain that Conner hasn’t thought about this until mentioning it, but even then, how did he have all the answers so fast? Where would you stay? With him? Sandwiched between Conner and Wally West playing video games for the rest of your life? Dying after Donna Troy catches you accidentally stealing her lunch?

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Conner begins, “but you should really stay the night.”

In response, you practically burst. “You hate being told what to do!” you say as you squirm in his arms. “Now you’re giving me suggestions?”

Conner sits up again so he can look down at you with a little frown. Luckily, it’s too nice of a view to be really scared of anything he could do. “Shh! You’re gonna get caught, Y/N.” Then Superboy’s eyes widen a little. “If you lived here, you wouldn’t have to be so quiet, either. You could just come through the front door.”

“Oh my God,” you squeeze your eyes closed. “Conner...”

One battle at a time. 

“Fine,” you begrudge. “I’ll stay the night.”

Conner tightens his grip around your form happily in response. “Will you need any help in the morning?”

“No. No, I got it.”

Silence. 

Say it. Say it. Say it. 

“Conner? I, uh...”

Say it. 

“I don’t have any sleeping clothes,” you lie. 

“Sleeping?” you hear the boy behind you whisper. “I didn’t think we were going to be sleeping.”

“Now who’s going to get us in trouble?” you smirk. “Seriously though. I’ve been wearing my suit all day.”

“I can get you out of it.”

“You can’t just see through it?” you question. “Don’t you have X-Ray vision?”

Conner groans. “You’re ruining it.”

You smile. Conner’s the only partner of yours you realize you’re actually happy to be around. “I think you just want us to get caught.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Yayyy. Request finished. Next I have a Reverse Flash request, and then I should be good with the DC requests for now. Other than that I have some Jason Todd things, something for Damian and 2 fics for a character I haven’t written for before but are looking pretty good. I hope this satisfied the prompt that I was given in the request. Let me know anything you want or whatever. 

[something-tofightfor]

The (not safe for work) ABCs of Dieter Bravo

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x Female Reader

Word Count: 8,815

Rating: NSFW ... it says so in the title. 

Summary: Want to know more about Dieter’s sexual preferences, history and personality? Here you go. 

Author’s note:

I had a shit ton of fun writing this one. I hope you have just as much fun reading it. 

Catch up on the other parts here: Locked Down Masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

It depends on the situation.  

If he’s having a quickie somewhere like a dressing room, there’s really no time for aftercare. Yeah, he’ll get both of you something to clean up with and spend a few minutes recovering before one or both of you leaves, but that’s about it. 

If it’s just fucking - in a bed or a trailer, he’s fine with catching his breath for a little while before worrying about clean up or getting dressed, but he doesn’t cuddle - never the first time hooks up with someone. That sends the wrong message. 

If it’s a repeat encounter - someone he knows in a specific city, an actor or actress he’s worked with before (like the makeup girl that worked on two seasons of the sitcom he guest starred on), he’s a little more personable, and takes things a little further. 

It’s not quite “holding you against my chest” cuddling, but Dieter has no issue with sleeping next to someone that he trusts, and if that means body parts are touching someone else’s while unconscious, he isn’t going to freak out about it when he wakes up.

But if it’s with someone that he’s in a relationship with, he definitely lets his guard down more and allows himself to get closer. That means touching. That means exploring. That means care and affection and attention - and it makes him feel much more vulnerable, which he doesn’t always like. 

Even with Mara, who was his “realest” relationship (before you), there was always that fear of being vulnerable, because Dieter equates caring for someone with trusting them - the same way that person trusts him with their body + ensuring it’s cleaned up after sex. Aftercare can be just as intimate as actual sex, and Dieter is well aware of this.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Dieter’s favorite of his own body parts is his face - but not for the reason you might think. It’s because he knows that his ability to use his face is what helps keep him employed. His facial expressions draw people in - show them what he’s thinking and feeling, and he can use it as a mask if he needs to - and he does often. Dieter’s good at showing people what he wants them to see - and even if sometimes, the words that come out of his mouth don’t quite match the way he looks? Well people still go based on what they see. 

On you? His immediate answer would be your mouth - he likes the way you use it, and I don’t just mean for sexual stuff. (He’ll never ever tell you no when it comes to that, though, because you are damn good to him.) He likes how you joke with him. Likes how you laugh. Likes the way sometimes when you concentrate your tongue pokes between your teeth or into your cheek. He also really likes the way your lips look when they curve upward into a huge smile at the sight of him - especially when you haven’t seen each other in a while. 

Bonus: Your favorite part of Dieter?

His fucking hands. Strong, thick fingers. Wide, warm palms. The way you can always tell what kind of a mood he’s in based on where they’re at and what they’re doing. (Hanging at his sides, fingers loose? Dieter’s calm and relaxed. Thumbs tucked against his palms and his fingers flexing? He’s a little on edge. One thumb pressed against the bullseye tattoo? It’s time to get him out of his own head.) But the best is when they’re on you, because you can feel the strength in them, even when they’re just resting on your skin. You can feel how into you he is when he brushes his fingertips over your temple or your lips, or even just grazes his thumb over the back of your hand. You like his hands most because you like being touched by Dieter … but to be completely honest, you just like him, and the hands are an added bonus.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He likes the mess. He likes the way it feels when you come - because it’s a physical reaction that tells him what he’s doing is right, that you like it, that your body responds to what he does. The man always finds an excuse to taste you - either straight from the source or via his fingers (or your own, which happens a lot because he likes it when you touch yourself, too) 

As for his? Most of the time, it’s not very messy because he does use protection whenever he actually has sex. But when you’re going down on him, or when he’s taking care of business and getting himself off - or when you manage to catch him off guard and he comes before he has a chance to put the condom on? He loses his mind at the sight of it on your skin or his. 

And when the two of you finally make the decision to stop using condoms and switch to only using other forms of birth control? Neither of you will ever forget the sound he made the first time he finished inside you of you and then almost immediately dove down to clean the mess between your legs with his tongue. It’s not about the way he tastes himself - but the two of you combined? He can’t get enough.  

D = Dynamic (what kind of dynamic do they have with their partner? Dom? Sub? Switch?) 

Dieter hands down will tell you that he’s a switch, but the truth is that he’s more submissive than anything else. There are certain phrases he uses and requests he makes of you (“look at me”, “get up here”, “sit/lay down”, etc) and when he says them you don’t even hesitate to do as he’s asking … but most of the time? It’s you that’s leading, at least in terms of deciding what exactly is going to happen. 

He loves confidence. He loves someone that knows what they want in bed and what they expect from a partner - and when you’re able to articulate that? He’s gone. It turns him on so goddamn much when the person he’s with takes control of a situation and leads him. A lot of people just want to get fucked by an actor - and so they expect him to direct them, which he’s done quite a lot - but it isn’t his favorite.

He doesn’t like being bossed around, and there’s a fine line between making pointed requests and cruelty.  Even in the moment, Dieter’s not afraid to tell you when you’re approaching - or have crossed - that line. 

This mostly comes from the way that he’s been treated on set in the past by shitty directors and entitled costars, and he doesn’t want degradation in the bedroom from either side - he just wants someone else to make decisions sometimes and stick with them. That way, he knows that you’re getting what you want - and so is he… because it means you’ll be happy. 

Bonus D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Dieter’s history of relationships with men and women is very widely known, but he’s pretty good at being discreet when it comes to casual partners. 

When he was first starting out in the industry, he tried to keep it more private when he was with a man, just because he didn’t want people to typecast him or for it to potentially cost him any roles or fans, but as time passed and he became more comfortable with it, he hid it less. 

And when things really started to pick up for him, Dieter began to explore more things - including threesomes with a man and a woman at the same time. 

Well one of them was with a couple, and Dieter liked the man a hell of a lot more than he liked the woman - and the feeling was mutual. So Dieter and the man (Alex) continued to see each other without the girlfriend knowing for about six months. And even though it was regular, and no matter how good the sex was, Dieter always felt like shit when it was over because he knew that it wasn’t the right thing to do, but he was infatuated. 

The girl never found out, and Dieter finally put an end to it because Alex casually mentioned that he was going to propose to his girlfriend… and that’s a line that Dieter wasn’t about to cross. He still feels bad, though, and hasn’t been in any hurry to repeat that scenario with another couple since - even though he has had other threesomes. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

If you look up the word “experience” in the dictionary, there might as well be a picture of Dieter next to it. He’s had a ton of partners. He’s slept with a lot of different types of people - actors and actresses, crew, other celebrities, athletes … he’s seen and done his fair share of fucking throughout his career. 

And it shows. He’s really good in bed, even when he’s not putting 100% into it, which he only does when he’s really into someone or something that he’s doing. (He’s always given you 100%, from the very beginning. And he doesn’t know why but he’s fucking glad he did). 

He does have a reputation - and it’s really easy to find examples of what he’s like online - but those examples aren’t always the whole truth. The effort that Dieter puts in is in direct correlation to the way his partner is in bed, but not the way you might think. 

If you’re overacting, Dieter does bare minimum, because he knows it’s all he has to do. If you’re genuinely responsive to him, and giving him real cues, he’s more motivated to put his skills to use, because he feels like you’ll appreciate them. 

He knows enough about what he’s doing - and what other people are doing in return - to have a pretty good read on what someone wants in bed, and is very easily adaptable to give it to them - often without them even having to ask. 

Also, the fact that Dieter has a lot of experience with a lot of things leads you into some really interesting scenarios … because not only does he have confidence, he’s patient about including you in them when (and if) you want. Dieter knows what works and what doesn’t, and what tends to be comfortable and worth trying. At first, it sort of makes you feel inadequate because your sex life hasn’t been too out of the ordinary, but once you understand that his experience is only going to help the two of you find what works best? You start viewing it as an asset in the relationship. 

Those other partners were learning experiences for him - and even if he enjoyed them, he didn’t enjoy them enough to make them permanent… just enough to teach him a little something that he can make use of in the future.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

This might surprise you (not), but Dieter values comfort and convenience when it comes to sex for the most part. Missionary is great. Doggy is even better, because it allows him to control the pace and get some good, hard thrusts in. (It does hurt his knees after a while, though…but he hates to admit it.) 

He’s also really partial to the position that the two of you were in the night before he got sick - your back to his chest, even though he usually doesn’t come from contact alone and kissing whoever he’s with on the back and shoulders isn’t exactly standard operating procedure for him. 

And you on your hands and knees isn’t just good for actual sex - he loves this position for going down on you, too. It opens you up in a very different way than when you’re laying on your back, or standing in front of him - and even though he loves it when you’re hovering over him, the man mouthing his way up your inner thighs while they tremble, there’s something about getting to look at you first that drives him insane, especially since this angle means that you can’t always anticipate exactly when his mouth is going to make first contact.  

One of Dieter’s favorite memories with you is the first time he took you from behind - and it was only a couple weeks after you’d started sleeping together. 

You were in your bed, naked and on your stomach, and Dieter couldn’t help asking you to get on your knees, ass in the air as you balanced on your elbows. He slid a pillow under your body, giving you a little more cushion, and then moved behind you, using both hands to spread your legs. It would have been a great position for sex, but Dieter didn’t want sex, he wanted to put his mouth on you, and so he did. 

He started by kissing his way up the backs of your thighs, his hands massaging the skin before his lips got to it. You didn’t stay completely silent, your quiet hums and sighs music to his ears, but when he pulled away to look at you, noticing that the insides of your thighs were slick, Dieter used one finger to touch you, sliding it into you with a practiced ease. The action made you spread your knees more, opening you up to him, and it didn’t take him long to pull his hand back, heart pounding and his body buzzing with desire. “Tell me if you need me to stop.” 

He nearly moaned out the words, both hands back on you and squeezing, and your agreement was quiet but sure, a nod of your head followed by verbal permission for him to keep going. 

He kissed the inside of your thigh before moving higher, and the tip of his nose brushed against you before anything else did - and he felt you shudder at the contact. Good. She’s gonna fucking love this. 

And you did - your entire body shaking as he used his tongue on you,

lapping at the place his finger had just been, tongue twisting to delve further into your body while his hands gripped your legs to hold you in place. Dieter hadn’t known if he could get you off from that angle before he’d started, but when you bucked your hips backward, lifting them up to give him a different approach, he knew that not only was it possible, it was going to happen. 

You came on his face a few minutes later, the man’s groan at the taste of you vibrating on your damp, puffy skin, and he’d been reluctant to let you go, drinking you down until you cried out, swatting at him with one hand and telling him that it was too much. 

You collapsed on the bed, rolling over onto your back, chest heaving and your legs open enough so that he could crawl up between them, kissing the skin of your stomach and chest before you grabbed his face and forced his mouth against yours, kissing him almost as deeply as he’d just kissed a different part of your body.  

It might have been too much for him to continue that night, but you never said no after that when he suggested a repeat of the position, and after almost no time at all, he didn’t need to suggest it anymore - because you did. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Dieter’s a mix. Again, it depends a lot on his partner, but overall, he tries to keep it light and fun, especially for the one night stands and the hookups that catch him by surprise. He likes to laugh, likes to let the people he’s with know that things aren’t serious and they shouldn’t treat them as such. He likes to set expectations from the very beginning, because it allows for both (or all three) parties to enjoy every second. 

And that works well with you, too, because you like breaking up the serious with a little bit of levity. You like making him laugh. You like letting him know that you’re not expecting serious and focused and super meaningful moments every single time you’re in bed with him. 

With you, though, Dieter does tend to get sort of quiet and a little more introspective when you’re done. He might make a joke or two, but then the two of you do talk seriously sometimes - and that caught you by surprise, especially in the beginning. Especially when he asked you to stay and told you he had no interest in kicking you out. It was a lot to think about, and honestly didn’t do you any favors when it came to keeping your expectations low, because he contradicted himself almost right from the get go in a lot of ways. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

The thing about Dieter is that he only looks like he crawled out of a thrift store’s back room. He doesn’t smell like it and definitely doesn’t groom like it. The hair on the top of his head might be fluffy and unkempt (though it’s the softest thing you’ve ever felt), and his beard might be patchy, but he’s always clean, and he always smells good. (The exceptions after you met being when he was sick and when he went through the middle few days of quarantine) 

He keeps his body hair neatly trimmed, though maybe slightly longer than the other men that you’ve ever been with, but it’s not overwhelming, and if you asked him to or made a comment, you know that he’d change it for you. 

As for the color? Unlike the hair on his head and the hair on his face, Dieter’s still all dark below the waist. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

If you asked Dieter, he’d tell you that he doesn’t like or need romance. He wants physical, in the moment connection, and that’s enough for him. It’s been enough for him in the past, and he’s got himself convinced it’s all he needs in the future. But the truth is that Dieter’s so much more intimate than he knows he is - especially when he lets his guard down. 

Sexual intimacy is one thing, and that’s a connection he never skimps on. He wants to feel good - and wants to make the people he’s with feel just as good. Physical intimacy … it’s not quite as abundant, but he’s still incredible with his hands and mouth, knows how to use his body in the moment. He’s very purposeful with the way he touches people and what these touches mean. 

But when it comes to being emotionally intimate, Dieter always holds back. It’s hard for him to really connect with people because of the choices he’s made about the way he interacts with them, and there are cases - like with Mara - where he thought he was ready for more - for an actual honest to God emotional connection with someone that was just as ready … but he waited for her to ask him, and she never did. He couldn’t bring himself to take that leap, and it’s probably a good thing, because if she’d known how much he cared, how much he wanted her to care? It would have been yet another thing she could have used to hurt him in the end. 

With you, Dieter found himself being emotionally intimate before you’d even done more than touch hands. It wasn’t the physical or sexual intimacy that led to an emotional connection - it was the emotional that made it possible to have such a good first physical encounter. He still held back with you, still didn’t let himself get overwhelmed with what he liked about you before anything physical happen - but it was different for him. 

He didn’t mind spending platonic time together. He didn’t mind conversations. He didn’t even think about just trying to get you into bed (even though he would have liked to, because Dieter was attracted to you even when he could only see half of your face because of the mask you wore). But one of the things that he’s most thankful for - and will actually comment on in a very public way in the future - is that he didn’t just rush into a physical relationship with you instead of taking the time to slowly build that intimacy on all levels. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Dieter’s masturbation routine is very different on set than it is at home. 

At home, he’s used to being able to scratch that itch in a very specific way. He’s got a couple people that he knows he can call if he wants to get off with almost no effort or expectation, so masturbation is sort of a last resort, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t enjoy it. 

On set, it happens more often, because he doesn’t usually like to sleep his way through the cast and crew. It’s happened, of course, but while working, if he can’t get away to meet people that aren’t working on the production to take to bed, he’s much likelier to take matters into his own hands and just get it done.

He prefers the real thing; there’s nothing like a warm body flush against his, or a wet mouth around him, but the end result is the same no matter the vehicle used to get there … and so Dieter makes do with whatever he has available to him. 

A couple thoughts: 

He doesn’t need to be comfortable to get himself off. Standing up in the shower? Takes a couple minutes. Sitting on the couch with one foot up on the coffee table? Same, except from a different angle. 

Dieter doesn’t like to touch himself while high. 

When he’s got a sex scene in a movie, Dieter will masturbate in front of a mirror “in character” just to watch his facial expressions so that he can recreate them while filming. So that face you see onscreen? That’s legitimately Dieter Bravo’s “I’m getting myself off” ‘O’ face. 

Before Dieter’s first red carpet event, he was so nervous that he was late because he wanted to get himself off so that he was relaxed before leaving the hotel and getting into the car - but he couldn’t finish (at first).

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Being handcuffed/restrained

As discussed earlier, Dieter’s a little submissive, and likes when you take control. That equates to him really enjoying being handcuffed - or otherwise restrained. You don’t do it often because it’s not something that you were used to before you met him and got with him, but you’re more than happy to indulge Dieter by locking his wrists to the bedposts, or sitting him up and cuffing them behind his back. Once or twice, you’ve even cuffed him in front of his body so that he could drape his arms over your shoulders while you ride him … but that usually leads to him getting a little frustrated because he’s so close to being able to touch you … but still so far.

There’s only so much Dieter can take, you know?

Competence (see Locked Down Part 6) 

Roleplaying based on character fic

There will probably be a longer one shot for this written in the future, but here’s a little explanation to tide you over. 

Dieter doesn’t always stay up on what’s happening online, because … he just doesn’t really care. He cares what people think about his work, but just like he doesn’t watch his own stuff (aside from attending premieres and making appearances that he’s contractually obligated to do) he doesn’t look up reviews or anything like that - and he definitely doesn’t scroll Twitter or Instagram to see what people are saying. That’s what Jenna’s for, and there will be times when she finds specific things that she thinks he needs to know so that he can like them or reply to them. 

But he doesn’t even know that fanfic exists until you tell him. And he doesn’t know that fanfic exists for his characters until you tell him … and show him. 

And when that happens? All bets are off. He’s absolutely fascinated by the fact that people write stories about his characters … and when he realizes that there are SMUTTY ones written about characters like Gio and Billy and Devon from the medical drama and even fucking Anthony from Hunger Strike he can’t help himself from reading them. 

That leads to the two of you reading them together. And reading them together leads to you joking about the logistics of the sex acts within the stories. And joking about them leads to you testing them out … and testing them out leads to … well, you get the picture. 

Dieter likes soft things

This is sort of self explanatory, but he really likes being comfortable while having sex. Masturbation while being slightly uncomfortable is one thing - and it helps him to differentiate between the scenarios - but he loves the feeling of soft materials on his skin, or pillows under his head. This is why he lives in the bathrobe both in London and elsewhere; he loves the way the material feels on his skin - and it keeps him alert. Dieter tends to sleep hot, so his sheets at home are cooling - and he often sleeps naked.

Soft things also translates to you, too. The skin of your stomach and inner thighs. The brush of a skirt or sleeve against his hand. The way you touch him with the pads of your fingers. He feels it all, and he loves it - and can’t help how much it turns him on. (There was also an Encounter the two of you had where you were in the back seat of a car on your way home from some black tie event, and you were trying to tease him by not taking one of your gloves off while you touched him … and it backfired… all over the front of his pants.)

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere. However, he isn’t going to have sex somewhere that would be flat out disrespectful to other people. For example, he draws the line at sex on the actual set. (Lauren and Dustin, I am looking at you)

He likes being comfortable, though (like I mentioned) - so he prefers locations like beds and couches, or even chairs when they’re the right size. 

Dieter fucked you on his kitchen table once - and only once, because the chain of events that transpired resulted in a broken table, a hole in his kitchen wall and you needing three stitches in your elbow. Neither of you regret it … but it’s not gonna happen again until some changes are made and precautions are taken.

He likes being somewhere where he feels safe - which is (was) especially true when he’s having sex while high, because he knows the kind of damage that would be done to his career when and if pictures and the story came out. 

He’s horny, not stupid.  

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Honestly, it doesn’t take much. Dieter’s pretty much always ready for sex - but he’s also aware of the fact that it’s not always going to play out how he wants it to. Willing and able doesn’t mean that he’s going to see it through every single time, and that’s perfectly fine with him. 

But he loves when you lock eyes with him and then touch him casually. He loves when you flirt. He absolutely goes wild when you make him laugh - and when you give him a hard time. 

Touch stimulation is good, but he likes the fact that that you can turn him on without touching him by just being there. The competence kink that he didn’t know he had until he saw you going at it with Darren on set is something unique to you. You weren’t the first person to stand up to a director in front of him, and you weren’t even the first person that he wanted to sleep with that stood up for themselves and what they knew was right in front of him … but for whatever reason, that specific day and thinking about it was enough to really get him going, and it continues to be that way well on into the future. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Dieter’s turn offs include people wanting to roleplay actual scenes from the movies and shows he’s done. He’s had a fair amount of intimate scenes, so there’s plenty to choose from, but for the most part, what he said to Lauren was the truth: he never watches his own shit, and prefers to forget about his actual performances as soon as he’s done on set. 

He also uses this as a way to figure out if people are interested in him or in the characters he plays - and weeds people out without hesitation if they’re hellbent on being with the actor. (The exception to this rule, though … is found in the ‘kinks’ section.) He doesn’t have an issue running lines with you, though. This happens while he’s going over scripts and edits, before he shoots scenes, or deciding which projects to take or leave. Prep work is one thing, and finding ways to try new things in bed with you is always exciting for him … but someone telling him that they want to sleep with one of his characters from the get-go is a no go. 

Another turn off for him? Not being spontaneous. Dieter doesn’t expect people to drop everything and do what he wants every time he asks, but he’s used to his life being highly scheduled - filming, promo, interviews, travel for auditions - and when he has downtime and can enjoy himself?

He wants it to be less structured. And sometimes that means having no plans and playing everything by ear. If you can’t accept that, then he’s not the right person - even for a quickie or a one night stand. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Like I hinted at in Locked Down, Dieter’s never going to turn down a blowjob - but that doesn’t mean that they’re always good. However … a blowjob is faster than sex. It’s easier to clean up from, and it requires very little personal connection … so Dieter enjoys them very much. He’s found that in most cases, men are much more skilled at the task, but he’d have to be hard pressed to turn one down from anyone. (Although there was one actress at an awards show that he had to step away from before he came because she was a little too eager and too rough, and if he’d stayed he just knew that there’d be a Blind Gossip post about the fact that he couldn’t keep it up … and that would have hurt his pride way too much.) 

He takes a lot of pride in giving oral, too, and that’s honestly what he likes more and looks forward to when the opportunity presents itself. 

That’s why he was so quick to go there with you. He knows he’s good, knows that he’s going to be able to find a way to make your body respond to his lips and tongue (and even occasionally teeth) very quickly. But that doesn’t mean that when he finds that spot or that pace with you, he’s going to make it quick. Because Dieter likes to savor the finer things in life - and this is one of them. You are one of them.

There’s honestly nothing he likes more than the feeling of your heel digging into his back or your fingers in his hair, or the sounds you make while his tongue’s curling into you - except the way you taste. 

He’s had enough experience to have a very informed opinion, and to ensure that you’re going to be satisfied when he finally lifts his head - and you have absolutely no complaints. Dieter knows what he’s doing, and you’re thankful for everyone that came before you because it means that you get to reap every single benefit - hopefully for a lot longer than any of them.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Again, this depends on his mood - and his partner. Dieter doesn’t ever rush though, unless that’s the point (see ‘quickie”) of the sex in the first place. 

Dieter doesn’t really like ‘rough’ sex in the traditional sense of actually pushing himself or his partner to the point of pain. He doesn’t mind you pulling his hair or scratching him - and he really likes it when you bite, but he has to be in the mood and it has to be with the right person for it to be prolonged. 

When the man finds a rhythm, he finds it, and that usually works out to both of your benefit. 

To be completely honest, Dieter’s never really had to seduce anyone, so it’s always just been sort of touch and go and see what works best. He prefers to pace himself. He prefers to read the situation as necessary and world from there. It’s not uncommon for him to start slow, up the pace and then finish out just a little slower, but the truth of the matter is that whatever feels good is what he’s going to do. And if you’re beneath him, urging him to move faster, or rocking your hips into him at a pace he hasn’t set? If you’re bouncing on top of him and you want it harder? He’s not going to deny you. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies aren’t top on his list, but Dieter’s no stranger to them, and even though there are a couple that are memorable for him, the one that stands out the most is the two of you at the Golden Globes the year he won for his role as Billy Creed. 

You chose a dress that specifically gave him easy access. You’d gotten ready in adjoining hotel rooms, keeping your outfit a secret until the last minute, and Dieter hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off of you from the moment he first saw what you’d chosen to wear. 

You were flirty with him in the car on the way from the hotel to the venue, but kept your distance - trying not to touch him in a way that would rile him up. Walking the red carpet, you were more handsy, and Dieter wasn’t surprised to find that not only did the press take pictures of him solo, they took them of you solo, too, while he was busy with a few interviews. He loved seeing you handle things in public, loved watching the way that you interacted with everyone around you, and by the time you were inside the hotel, he was beginning to feel the way that he had when you’d gone off on Darren - and then he noticed that the slit on your dress was higher than it had been outside. 

He asked you about it in the lounge before you sat, and you shrugged it off, giving him a wink before you moved off to talk to someone - and to get another drink. But then, Dieter noticed that the other side of the dress was also much more open than it had been, and he realized that you were deliberately fucking with him, teasing him with your outfit when there was nothing that either of you could do about it for hours until the show was over. 

Except that Dieter had been to that ceremony before, and knew that there were places to go where no one would bother you, and under the guise of showing you around since he’d been there before and you hadn’t, Dieter dragged you off into one of the rooms used by housekeeping - after slipping a large bill into someone’s hand for the privilege and the privacy - and had his way with you. 

You only had minutes, and you had to be quiet, neither of you removing a single piece of clothing except to give yourselves access, but long after the night was over, both of you agreed that it was the most exciting experience the two of you had ever had. 

Watching the playback of the event, you were shocked to see that when the cameras landed on you during Dieter’s nominated category and then again while he was giving his acceptance speech, you looked no worse for the wear - makeup and hair perfectly in place, dress hanging from your body in the way that it was meant to. His hair was a little less styled than it had been when you’d left the hotel, but that was par for the course… and there were a couple of blogs and fan pages that had some questions about whether or not his lower lip was a little … fuller than usual.  

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Dieter is more willing to take risks with his life than he is when it comes to having risky sex. He’d rather have people look down on / judge hm for his own choices than label him as someone that’s into public sex or treats his partners like it doesn’t matter if they get exposed. 

But as for experimenting? There’s very little he’s unwilling to try - at least once, especially if you ask nicely - or if he knows you’re down for it - and you’re able to do it in private.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Sober, Dieter’s good for longer encounters. It’s not uncommon for him to spend a lot of time with foreplay - either performing or receiving, and while sometimes the foreplay causes him to come a little too soon for his liking, he’s definitely up for a 2nd round as soon as it’s physically possible. 

And it really depends on how turned on he is as to how long he can last, as well as what his partner’s doing. He can prolong it - that’s the good thing about being an actor; he’s learned to focus on not getting off during intimate scenes (even when they’re decidedly unsexy, sometimes his body reacts), which means that he can hold himself back when he wants to make sure he doesn’t blow it right away. 

His record is five times in one night without more than a short break, but that was when he was younger - and now that he’s older, and his body’s a little less youthful, it’s maybe 2-3 on a good night? But that won’t ever stop him from making you come as many times as he can without physically hurting you.

And as for how long does he last? I’d say on average, it ranges between 15 - 20 minutes. Not too fast, not too slow, and it definitely gets longer when you switch positions or take some time to slow down and savor things. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Dieter does own toys, and he knows you do, too. You’re well aware that he’d been with both women and men in the past, and even though it’s something that you talk about with him, you never pry - and that includes not asking him about the things he’s done with other partners. You know that if he wants to, he’ll tell you about the things he’s done and liked, or the things that he’d want to try with you - and he did - slowly, over the course of the time you spent together. 

For example, one of the things you find in Dieter’s bathroom drawer while you’re in the hotel together is this (https://www.lelo.com/f1s-v2). It doesn’t surprise you - but the fact that he really likes using the app does. He was in the bathroom with you when you found it, and since none of your previous partners had ever used anything like it on themselves, Dieter had no problem demonstrating. He prefers the real thing, of course, but with the beginning of the pandemic keeping him isolated, he had to find something that was going to be a little different every time, and the other available options in his arsenal weren’t cutting it. 

Fun fact: When he left London, he told you to download the app and gave you his log in information so that when/if he wanted to use it and you were available, you could control it. That led to a bunch of really fun phone calls and FaceTime conversations in the months you were apart. 

You do have a few toys of your own - and you definitely brought one of them with you to London, but after meeting Dieter, you didn’t use it the entire time you were stuck in the hotel. You didn’t need to. 

But the one toy that both of you are interested in? The replica of Dieter that you make from the “Clone A Willy” kit you won at a bachelorette party. 

You brought it up to him as a joke, thinking he wouldn’t want to have a silicone version of his own dick out there, but the man’s eyes practically lit up when he asked what was in the gift bag you brought home. 

And then you read the directions to him, just because they were on the package. You also had to open the package just to see how strong the vibrator insert was. And from there, it was only natural to want to know if the tube was large enough to fit around him while he was fully hard. And I mean, Dieter needed to know if he could stay hard for four minutes while the mold mix started to solidify around him. After you let it get completely set overnight, the only logical thing to do was mix and pour the silicone … and then set it on a shelf until the 24 hour period had passed. 

It was a strange thing for him to see a replica - a life size replica - of himself in your hand… and  then in his own, but he had to admit that it felt like him, even though it was cold. It felt like him even though it was a little too firm. You’d made a joke while you watched him turn it over in his palms, about how now whenever someone told him to go fuck himself, he technically could, and Dieter lost it, laughing so hard that tears leaked from his eyes. 

He never used it - but you did, Dieter watching the first time just to see your reaction and glowing with pride at the fact that even though you said it felt like him, the fact that it wasn’t the real thing made it less satisfying, especially with him right there. After that, he knew that whenever he was gone on a shoot or a trip, or you were filming in a location that he couldn’t make it to, it was almost like he was there… and that was enough to tide both of you over until you made it back under the same roof again. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Dieter actually isn’t too much of a tease. He likes to get down to business, and so he’s pretty straight to the point. But he has a good sense of humor, and teasing during the act is something else entirely, especially the longer you know each other. 

He doesn’t tease with his body, though, and Dieter doesn’t see extended foreplay as another form of teasing; he just sees it as a build up. He won’t ever withhold sex from you, even when you’re fighting or he’s in a bad mood. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Dieter himself isn’t super loud. He moans and groans and grunts and swears, but he’s not a screamer. He’s not a yeller, and he doesn’t like it when people exaggerate the noises they make during sex because it feels false. 

The first night he was with you, though, he could tell that your reactions were genuine - that you were being loud because he was making you loud, that it was a natural reaction to what the two of you were doing and not attempting to impress him. 

He’s not always a talker, but there are moments - when it’s been a while, when he’s had a stressful day, when he has an overwhelming feeling of affection for someone - where he can’t seem to shut up, but the words aren’t always coherent. They’re often just the man mumbling random phrases into your ear as the two of you move, or him speaking into your chest as he kisses his way up or down your body.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Dieter’s had a lot of less than spectacular sex, but there’s only one instance that he counts as downright bad. 

It was when he was younger - late 20’s, fresh off of a successful movie debut, and he’d been out on a couple dates with a woman - someone that he’d met at the premiere that was getting ready for a film debut of her own - that had gone well, which meant that it was moving toward sex. Well, long story short … the sex was bad. Not because either of them were too out of it to enjoy it, but because the girl got violently ill in the bed - and all over Dieter - only a few minutes into things. 

And it wasn’t the fact that she got sick - because Dieter understood that sometimes things happen … it was that the woman wanted to pretend like nothing had happened and keep going in the pukey bed without even pausing to clean up or remove the sheets. She saw nothing wrong with it - just wanted to fuck - and Dieter has never noped out of a situation or blocked someone’s number faster. 

It’s made him very aware of the way he feels when he goes to bed with

someone - and it’s why if he feels even the littlest bit like he’s going to be sick, he won’t let things go that far, because he doesn’t want to embarrass himself. (When he was with you in the hotel right before he got sick, he didn’t feel pukey at all, just overheated and tired… maybe a little sore. He was NOT about to risk that type of humiliation with you).

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

We already know that Dieter was kind of a shock for you the first time you saw him. He’s thick - your fingers don’t wrap entirely around him, even if it’s just your thumb and middle finger, and after you’ve had your mouth on him for extended periods, your jaw sometimes aches. He’s long, too - just about 7 inches (maybe slightly more) when he’s fully hard. 

There’s no curve to him - he’s perfectly straight, and you love looking at him when he’s heavy against his lower belly, or when you can see the tip of him peeking out over his fist. His balls are average size and shape, too. 

Dieter prefers to wear clothes that sort of hide himself, so when you first see him in a suit / dressed up, it’s kind of a shock, especially when he reacts to the way you’re dressed, and can’t 100% keep himself from reacting. It’s obvious that he’s big when he’s wearing fitted jeans or tailored pants, especially when they’re a lighter, solid color. 

Bonus X = X-Appeal (do they have sex appeal?)

If you ask Dieter, he doesn’t have sex appeal, he just has people that want to have sex with him because he’s Dieter Bravo and he has a reputation for giving people what they need and want. He doesn’t think he’s bad looking, but he knows that he’s not young anymore, knows that his attitude and his presented appearance are going to be a turn off for a lot of people. 

But for you - and millions of other men and women all over the world?

You’d tell him he was wrong without even batting an eye. 

He’s sexy in a confident way - which he presents in interviews. You sort of like the aloof attitude, like the snark. You like the way that he seems comfortable and confident in his own skin (even though you realized very quickly that it wasn’t 100% true to his actual behavior or personality). 

He’s sexy to look at in a real way. He isn’t overly muscled, doesn’t spend hours on his appearance to give himself a specific look - and you like the fact that he isn’t afraid to be photographed in a pair of loose jeans and a t shirt, or a stretched out cardigan and some sandals. 

Dieter’s looks, though? You think he’s only gotten better looking with age. Yes, he was always attractive with deep, soulful brown eyes and a thick head of hair, but as he got older, his face filled out - the flecks of gray that show up in his beard and hair are real, and indications of the fact that he’s not trying to hide the aging process. You think this is sexy as hell, and tell him often, because you know he needs to hear it. 

He’s not lazy, but he’s also not going to spend two hours a day in the gym, and while his waist is slim, he’s got a little bit of a belly whenever he’s relaxing between projects (or on the set of Cliff Beasts, because the character really didn’t need to be in peak physical condition). He’s healthy but not too fit, and it suits him. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Dieter fucking loves sex, and he won’t hesitate to tell you that or try to initiate. He has a high sex drive, but he can go without it when necessary. He did just that during the pandemic, because he was afraid of getting sick, but the first time he slept with someone (a little over a month before leaving for London) after months of not? It made him realize the benefit of waiting - because even though it was just a random hookup in the sense that there wasn’t an actual relationship with the person, he enjoyed himself immensely. And it was different than it had been for him when he was just having endless amounts of sex (with different people or one person, in the case of his short term relationships and Mara) - which is why, by the time the two of you went to bed for the first time in the hotel, he was more than ready for another encounter … because it had been weeks of only his hand or his devices. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It depends. Sometimes, Dieter just falls asleep, especially if he’s been drinking - or has been using. Weed makes him very sleepy, especially when he smokes a lot at once. (He didn’t in London, because most of the times he smoked it was social, and not by himself), and so if you have sex while he’s high on weed, he’s out only a few minutes later and it’s pretty much a given.

But other drugs and alcohol mixed don’t tend to have the same effect, instead helping him to stay awake, even though being awake doesn’t always mean talking to the person (people) he’s in bed with - it might mean going back to the party, or going out in the first place. 

But sober Dieter? That all depends on how worn out he is. He likes laying next to you and talking. He likes watching you fall asleep, feeling you relax next to him or in his arms. He also likes knowing that if he does fall asleep quickly, you won’t hold it against him - you won’t force conversation or try to force him to stay awake. 

Dieter knows that after sex is a time for people to be open with each other, and so he’s usually pretty careful about what he admits in whatever conversation he has before he ends up drifting off, no matter how long it happens to take. 

[worldserasingandcreatinginmymind]

No Business Like Show Business | Part Three

Series Summary: you work backstage at a theatre and become close with the star of the show (who you may also have a slight crush on)

Pairing: James McAvoy x reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: not proof read 🙈

A/N: ugh im sorry it takes me so long to write each part of this story, writers block is a bitch. Feel free to substitute James for any actor of your choosing. Also, spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :)

Part Two | Masterlist

- - - - -

If you’d have told me five years ago that one day I’d be working in a professional west end theatre alongside some of the countries best actors and actresses, I’d have been amazed. Add on that I would get to meet James McAvoy, and actually be his friend… well my inner teenager is fan-girling HARD.

James has been spending a lot of time with me in the props room lately. He sits and learns his lines while I sit and make the props. Sometimes we talk and laugh, other times we sit comfortably in each others company as we silently get on with our jobs.

I think he’s just happy to get away from Anastasia to be honest. I know its unprofessional to speak badly about the people you work with, especially if they’re one of the ‘stars’, but she is unbearable. On the rare occasion she actually chooses to acknowledge my existence, she insists on calling me ‘props girl’ and refuses to learn my name. James always gives me an apologetic look, even though its not his fault.

I don't know what her problem is with me. I’m just going to get on with my work and stay out of her way.

— — — —

As you take the familiar route through the theatre corridors and down to the basement, you’re surprised to find the props room door already open. ‘Vera?’ you think to yourself as you slowly approach the door. ‘Finally got her’ you smirk, preparing yourself before jumping into the room.

“Caught you! Step away from the tin- oh!” You stop as you find James sat on one of the chairs, his script on the table in front of him. He holds his hands up in fake surrender.

“I’m innocent I swear”

“Sorry, I thought you were Vera. She’s been sneaking in here and stealing my biscuits.” You explain and James laughs. “You’re here early today aren’t you?”

“Yeah, we’re rehearsing a difficult scene today so I wanted to get in and study the lines before.”

“How’s that going?” You say, dumping your bag and looking over his shoulder at the pages of dialogue in front of him.

“Eh, not good. I just can’t get this scene right.” He says looking down at his script in defeat then back at you. “Hey would you mind running through the lines with me? If you're not too busy?”

“Sure, yeah I can do that.”

“Great!” he says pulling out the other chair from under the desk and gesturing for you to sit.

As you sit he riffles through his script looking for a specific page and hands it to you. You stare at it, suddenly feeling very anxious. You hated reading aloud anyway, but reading a scene with a professional actor made you feel a whole new level of dread.

What if you mess up the words?

What if you lose your place on the page and can’t find it again?

How are you supposed to read it? Just like read the words off the page or is he expecting you to actually act it out?

You've never acted before, you're probably terrible at it and he’s going to think you're pathetic.

Why did you agree to this?

He must have noticed the panic in your eyes because he suddenly reaches out to put his hand on yours.

“Don't worry, this isn't an audition or anything. I won't judge you. I just need someone to say the other characters lines so that I can practice mine. But if you really don't want to do it I completely understand.” He flashes you a smile that instantly reassures you.

“It’s fine, I can do it.” You say, more to yourself than to James.

“Thank you.” You both smile as he squeezes your hand and nods to signal that he’s about to start the scene.

It was a passionate argumentative scene between two lovers. James delivered his lines perfectly, as you expected he would. You started off a bit slow, stumbling here and there but with James acting his lines out with such realism you felt yourself getting sucked into the scene so much that before you knew it you naturally started acting out the lines too.

Throughout the scene the argument gets less angry and more passionate. By the end of the scene you and James are both out of your seats standing so close together that your faces are inches apart. His hand is cupping your face, thumb gently stroking your lips as he’s staring hungrily at them. You're heart is beating so loud in your chest you think he can probably hear it too. Then suddenly he breaks away, and you stand there trying to regulate your breathing.

“And that’s where the characters will have their kiss, which we haven’t rehearsed yet so we’ll stop there.” He takes the script back from you and smiles. “Well done Y/N, you’re a natural! You should be on that stage instead of hiding down here underneath it.” He says and you laugh “I mean it Y/N, I really feel like there’s something there. Have you done any acting before?”

“As a kid, yeah I took classes and I loved it. It was all I ever thought about for a while, being on stage. It just never worked out”

“Why not?”

“Because I grew up-”

“You don't want do that” he interrupts with a smile.

“-and I became painfully aware of other people’s opinions.”

“Now you definitely don't want to do that.”

“Yeah well I do! I know I shouldn’t care, but that’s easier said than done.”

“At some point you’ve got to stop living your life in fear of what people might think, and just start living. The truth is people will form opinions of you no matter what you do, so you may as well do the things that you want.” He pauses, studying your face. “and if anyone judges you, fuck ‘em… not literally I mean, that’s not great advice-”

“No I know what you mean” you both laugh. “Thank you James”

There’s a comfortable silence as the two of you look at each other, smiling. James glances behind you to the clock on the wall, his eyes widen.

“Shit! I need to go, I’m supposed to at rehearsal!” He heads to the door “thank you for reading with me.”

“It’s fine, anytime.”

“See you around superstar.” He winks before disappearing out the room.

You stand there for a moment, replaying what just happened in your head. He was about to kiss you, right? I definitely felt that way. You didn’t imagine that.

You shake the thoughts from your head and refocus your mind on getting your work done.

— — — —

At lunch you make your way to the wardrobe department.

“Fancy a coffee date?” You ask cheerfully as you walk through the door, looking down at your phone.

“Are you buying?” an unexpected voice replies and you look up to find an almost naked James standing on a stool in his underwear.

“Sorry!” You say, quickly covering your eyes. “I thought you were-“

“Vera?” He says at the same time as you “This keeps happening. You do know that me and Vera look nothing alike?” He jokes and you laugh awkwardly.

“Where is she?”

“She just gone to the storeroom, she should be back any minute. At least I hope she will, I’m getting cold.” He laughs. There’s a brief silence. “You can look at me you know? I don’t mind.”

Slowly you drop your hand from your eyes and tentatively look up at him. He flashes you a smile which you return. There’s another small silence as you look at each other, but the silence is interrupted when Vera returns. She looks between you and James before giving you a cheeky look that makes you have to suppress a laugh.

“Hello my lovely, what brings you to the wardrobe department?” She says as she wraps some fabric around James torso and marks various measurements.

“I was just looking for you actually. Wondered if you wanted to come to the coffee shop with me for lunch?”

“That’s a brilliant idea! Will you be joining us James?” She asks and he looks surprised.

“If thats alright with you..?” He replies, looking at you but Vera responds.

“Of course it is dear. I tell you what, why don't you get dressed and go with Y/N to get us a table while I finished up here.” She says as she hands James his clothes.

“We can wait for you-“ you begin but Vera cuts you off.

“Nonsense. You two go on ahead and I’ll join you.”

— — — —

“She’s not coming” you say as you read the text message on your phone. “She said she’s sorry but she’s suddenly got a lot of work to do and said to have a nice lunch without her.” You put your phone back in your pocket and look across the table at James.

“Guess it’s just you and me” he smiles.

There’s a silence as you both takes sips of your coffee.

“So, how did the rehearsal go?” You ask.

“Really good! Although I have to say I preferred having you as my scene partner.” He says with a wink.

“Careful, if Anastasia heard you say that she’d probably have me fired.” You say with a small laugh.

“Nah, she’s harmless really. She talks like she’s the most important person in the room but in reality she knows she’s just as replaceable as the rest of us. Just ignore her. She’s only a bitch to you because she’s jealous.”

“Jealous?!” You laugh in disbelief as you look down at your coffee “Of me? I don't think so.”

“Why wouldn’t she be? You're kind, funny…” he pauses and you look up at him “…beautiful… People like you a lot Y/N and Ana can’t stand it when there’s someone else in the room that people like more than they like her. So rather than try to make herself better, she tries to make the other person worse. The best thing you can do is just carry on being your wonderful self.”

“Thanks” you say quietly, feeling awkward from all the compliments. You find yourself looking down at your coffee again as you twirl the cup in your hands. Suddenly James reaches across the table and places his hand gently on your forearm, causing you to look up at him again. His face is closer now.

“I mean it Y/N, I’m not just saying this to make you feel good. You really are a wonderful person. I’m so glad I got this job, because it meant I got to I meet you.”

You feel cheeks getting hotter as James’ brilliant blue eyes gaze into yours.

‘Is this really happening?’  You think as James seems to be slowly getting closer to you across the table ‘Am I really about to kiss James McAvoy?’

A flash of light catches your attention and you turn to see a man stood at the coffee shop window with a camera covering his face. It flashes again and you realise he’s taking photos of the two of you. James sits back in his chair and looks at you, a mix of sadness and irritation on his face.

“I’m sorry but we’re gonna have to leave now. If he knows where we are then its only a mater of time before more paparazzi leeches turn up and if we don't get out of here before they arrive… well its just not a situation I want to put you in.”

You finish the last bit of your coffee and follow James as he heads to the door. Already there’s a few more people with cameras waiting outside and a small crowd of people who had been passing by and stopped to see what the happening.

“Stay close to me” James says as he puts his arm around you, lifting his jacket in the process to shield your face from the flashing of the cameras as you walked out of the shop.

The second you both stepped out of the cafe the cameras started flashing and excited shouts erupted from the crowd as people realised who the paps were here for.

“James over here!”

“A smile for the camera?”

“How’s the show going?”

“Is it true you're dating your co-star?"

“Who the girl James?”

“Are you cheating on Anastasia?”

You had no idea how many people were crowded around you now, though it sounded like a lot. While the jacket over your head did a good job of keeping you hidden, it also meant you couldn’t see where you were going. But you didn’t feel scared. You kept your eyes down fixed on your feet as you walked and trusted James as he lead you. The coffee shop was only around the corner from the theatre so you knew you wouldn’t have long to go.

You come to a stop and hear the sound of a door opening. You walk through and as it closes behind you, James removes his jacket off you. He looks at you with worry.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Are you alright?” You ask and he just nods and sighs.

“I’m so sorry you got dragged into that.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m just sorry you can’t even go for a coffee without people hassling you.”

“Downside of the job.” He shrugs and gives you a small sad smile. He reaches out and smooths your hair. “My jacket messed up your hair… you're still beautiful though.”

His hand moves down to gently stroke your face and stops on your cheek. He searches your eyes, as if looking for your permission before leaning to press his lips against yours.

 Part Four

Taglist: @halfofwhatisayismeaningless​ @internetgremlin-reads​

[akamarulover]

Winter 2021 anime

It has been a while since I wrote one of these reviews! But this season was SO good I wanted to talk about these series. There was so much good stuff that I ended up dropping some shows I want to revisit later. So here’s all the anime I completed in the 2021 Winter season.

NEW SERIES

Sk8 the Infinity

My favorite anime of the season. One of my favorites in a while. The staff working on it is just stellar (Director: Free!, Banana Fish) (Scriptwriter: Code Geass) (OST: Initial D) and produced by Studio Bones (MP100, FMA) no less! I cannot stress enough how good the OST is.

It’s about Skateboarding! Specifically, secret underground, no rules brawls in the “S” arena. Reki (innovative, artistic, engineer, talented, cheerful, sweet, best boy supreme) is a skater through every cell in his body. He meets Langa (cute, Canadian, snowboarder, angel), who recently moved to Japan after losing his father. Reki quickly pulls Langa into his world of skating and the two face the trials and tribulations of the S arena, and the colorful cast that inhabit it. 

The energy of the show is captivating and funny and a bit nostalgic. The skating tricks (and fails) are cool, and funny, and ridiculous, and an absolute blast to watch. The characters are charming and well rounded, and the story resonated with me in a very personal, motivating way.  I can’t recommend this enough! 

Wonder Egg Priority

CONTENT WARNINGS (sexual assault, abuse, self harm, suicide. If you need to know about certain warnings please make sure to look them up before starting)

Don’t let the pretty colors and cute girls fool you! This is a psychological horror magical girl series! With a similar look and production quality to any Kyoani series. After the suicide of her best friend, Nagase receives the ability to traverse dreams in the hopes of saving her friend. In those dreams, she and the girls she helps must confront their greatest fears and traumas. The enemies she and other “egg” owners face are grounded in reality, but twisted into grotesque forms.

The series absolutely does not shy away from heavy topics. The girls themselves represent a variety of personal internal struggles as well. Including a trans girl and wlw. Very good but very heavy anime.

Horimiya

Horimiya is simply romance done well. The characters are charming and likeable and funny. The cast is colorful and well designed with good dynamics. The main couple is established very early on, so there’s not a lot of pre-relationship drama antics. Rather, Horimiya explores the growing relationship between Hori and Miyamura. There are plenty of side characters though, that do go through the pre-relationship fumbles and bumbling if that is your jam. The side characters are also great and often become the focus of an episode.

Kemono Jihen

Cryptid kids solving mysteries! The character designs are amazingly well done. The color palette of the series is a visual joy to look at. Their powers are really cool and interesting. And the personalities hold together the show well.

Cells at Work: Black

It’s Cells at Work, but edgy! All the same fun shenanigans and random facts and character designs of cells at work, except this time the body is actively dying nearly every episode! These cells have to save their host body from fun things like Carbon Monoxide poisoning, ulcers, and erectile dysfunction, oh my!

Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation

I tend to be a bit wary of the highly oversaturated isekai genre by now. But this one actually caught my interest visually and with its characters. IMO it presents those tired tropes in a thoughtful way. It does explore a lot of the more unpleasant aspects of isekai genre (CONTENT WARNINGS). But the way it’s presented still feels organic and usually interesting. Also the main voice actor, Sugita Tomokazu, carries the show.

Rudeus was a very much worthless loser in his past life. So once he is reborn, literally as an infant, he decides to start from scratch and work hard at bettering himself. He still has much growing to do, however, and he does make bad decisions often. But he learns to be reliable when it counts, and hopefully will grow past his problematic shortcomings in time. 

Skate Leading Stars

Aka the other worse skating anime this season. It did have a strong opening episode, which is the main reason I kept with the series as long as I did. The main 3 characters have a strong and interesting dynamic. Their backstories are interesting and the drama and dynamics between them all was compelling. Unfortunately, the rest of the cast was not so much.

SEQUELS

Attack on Titan: The Final Season

A bit of a misnomer, since it’s not finishing quite yet with its split cour. I’ve been a fan of the series from the start, and I really enjoy where it has headed. Despite being in a new studio, I think they still adapted the story well, which is what matters most. I got used to the updated character designs pretty quickly too. Eren you’re one crazy bitch I love it. Can’t wait for the actual end.

Doctor Stone: Stone Wars

I liked season 2 even more than I did the first! Senku has really grown on me a lot as a character. Even more characters were introduced. Established characters grew their relationships and developed. The inventions were fun (and factual). I enjoyed this season a whole lot! I can’t wait for more.

Cells At Work

The original, also airing! The season ended up being pretty short, only 8 episodes, which was disappointing. I didn’t feel a lot of the same charm that season 1 had either. It was still good, and I would watch another season absolutely. But I was left wanting a bit more.

True Cooking Master Boy

Not much to say other than the same fun cooking buffoonery. If you enjoy food wars, or want to watch food wars but without the fanservice, this is it. 

CONTINUING SERIES (from last season)

The anime had a strong opening arc that I really enjoyed. However a lot of this season was kind of a dud for me. Everything up through where the demon Mahito was included, was great. Nothing special, just typical shounen with cool powers and a high budget anime. But I enjoyed it. 

Except, not really. I did not enjoy the school battles arc. I do not like any of the second years, or third years, or other schools. I only care about what the main 3, plus Gojo and Nanami and Sukuna were up to. I think the series is strongest when it is not at the school. The high school part of it really drags it down.

The mission they went on right after in the final episodes was fantastic. It really reminded me where the series shines. Which is in its demon investigations.

Black Clover

This is another hit or miss series. When it’s bad, I gotta skip episodes. I don’t care for filler and for a good handful of the cast. But when it does decide to step up, its great! The fights are engaging and visually stunning. The powers are interesting when they’re utilized well. The demon form in Asta is always such an interesting part of the story. The magic visuals overall are great.

Osomatsu San 3rd Season

Same show its always been. You should know by now if you like it or not. Some of my favorite gags and episodes ended up being in this season. 

Pokemon Journeys

I was falling a bit behind, but I did completely catch up recently because Gou has been snagging some pretty sweet catches. I love the Grookey he straight up stole from Team Rocket. And he got a hella sweet legendary. What a good kid! He’s so cute and I’m so proud of him! Also Ash just evolved his Sirfetch’d which is  one of my favss. I hope Leon comes back soon.

DROPPED

The Promised Neverland season 2

Once I heard from manga readers it totally derailed itself, I dropped out. I plan on picking up the manga. I didn’t want to be spoiled by a lackluster adaptation.

Otherside Picnic

I want to revisit this one. I kinda replaced it with Wonder Egg Priority, which was like a similar but better version of the story.

Yashahime

Not gonna lie, I totally forgot about it. Nothing major made me drop it. I just didn’t have enough interest to remember it lmao.

Re-Zero season 2

The haremy crap got too much for me. All the appeal of the first season is totally gone. The story wasn’t interesting and the new characters were bad.

That Time I got Reincarnated as a Slime season 2

I never actually picked up season 2 to begin with. I finished season 1 and it was good enough. But i wasn’t interested enough to continue the story.

And that wraps it up. Winter season was packed, and there was a lot of good stuff to watch. Spring will have a hard time measuring up, but I don’t expect it to. I dropped or skipped out on some series that in a less hype season, I probably would have watched. Not a bad problem to have haha.

[zalrb]

ok this ask might be all over the place, it feels more like multiple asks tbh, but I’m watching supernatural (for the first time) and some of your posts have been coming to mind. the time old “who else could have played damon?”, or “how would you have written damon?” asks. and your breakdown of the brothers’ chemistry compared to defan.

essentially jensen’s portrayal of dean has me comparing to damon on occasion. acting-wise I feel jensen brings out aspects of dean that damon was meant to have. similarly to your comparisons to chuck/klaus/jack sparrow, dean has a charisma, but I specifically feel that jensen manages to pull off damon type humour, and “guy’s guy” “ladies man” type bravado without me wanting to roll my eyes. i think it’s partly because he doesn’t take himself too seriously? supernatural let’s dean be the butt of the joke, without taking away from his character while tvd tries to be like “*sigh* damon being damon”, but without committing? i think it could have really worked to have a through line or bit of everyone be like “*sigh* DAMON” when he’s being “damon” (almost xander like lol). it’s not enough to hold him accountable but it might have worked as levity/acknowledgement of damon within the group dynamic? many of dean’s character flaws align with damon’s, but i feel like it’s better portrayed through dean? i’m just curious what you might think regarding dean vs damon or how jensen might portray aspects of damon?

tbh there’s more that I want to ask/discuss/hear your thoughts on regarding the brother dynamics and dean’s writing compared to tvd, but this feels messy and long enough lmao. I’m only on S2, and i don’t mind spoilers, but I don’t know how my thoughts will hold up regarding the show’s writing so… possibly more supernatural asks to come (if you don’t mind discussing it).

I don't mind discussing it at all, but again, my knowledge of the show is limited, like seasons 1-5 and I could maybe talk a bit about seasons 6 and 7, I just know anons got really passionate when I spoke about SPN before because there's, like, vehement anti-Dean or anti-Sam rhetoric on tumblr -- one anon told me once that they used to like me until I said that I liked Dean when I watched Supernatural so they had to unfollow me -- like I just went through both tags, which was interesting just because of how passionately the fandoms are, and I don't take the show seriously enough to argue that passionately about it so I'm saying this more for other anons than for you.

In terms of Dean/Damon, I have a post that discusses the parallels/similarities between Dean and Stefan actually in terms of character (although Stefan is not as overbearing as Dean, he's just relentlessly sacrificial for Damon and Stefan doesn't have a misogyny problem) and I briefly state how in terms of personality Damon is a less charming Dean

and some other brief posts that reference it

and so Jensen is effortless as Dean and I think that goes a long way, I think people underestimate what an actor at least making it seem like they're effortlessly charming and charismatic does for a character, Dean is anything but a subtle character but Jensen made subtle choices with Dean and that's why he can pull off the 'guy's guy' bravado, the posturing, the humour

and Damon is just infuriating because Ian tries too hard

and when Jensen is "bigger" it's for very specific comic reasons

But I think for me, it's less about Dean being the butt of the joke and more about the way Jensen and the show demonstrate his layers, good and bad, and how things can be looked at from another perspective

so it digs into the darker aspects of his personality,

his fears and insecurities

or his secret desires

because they show what the bravado is trying to cover up and Jensen is good at demonstrating the vulnerabilities that Dean has or the darkness that Dean has and it's more complicated than I kill and/or harm innocent people when women reject me or tell me that I can be a better person, like Damon just did not have to do this

but Elena hugged him and that was too much pressure so, you know, Jessica's gotta die.

And then they do things with his character retroactively that Dean's character was built on from Day One, so now, all the way in season 6 suddenly Damon was protective of Stefan with Giuseppe when they were growing up and did everything he could to protect him from his ire and Stefan never really saw that side of Giuseppe

When that doesn't really add up with what we saw in season 1?

there’s nothing that suggests that Stefan was the golden son while Damon was cast off —  Giuseppe being disappointed in Damon for being a deserter is actually just typical, it would be more surprising if he wasn’t disappointed — but Giuseppe was stern and distant with them both and trusted both of them with the same information and killed both of them in equal measure

whereas from the moment we meet Dean, he's carrying Sam as a child out of a fire,

and again as an adult

it's drilled into his head, into our head that his number one priority, his number one job is taking care of Sam,

which is why he goes to hell for him, not a supernatural limbo with a friend where he thinks he's being tortured by reliving the day he murdered a bunch of pregnant women because his brother was accurate about him and he makes blueberry pancakes as atonement,

no, he was literally ripped to shreds by hellhounds

and sent to hell because he couldn't let Sam die

and comes back traumatized and also with another layer to his personality because it turned out he was really good at torturing in hell so that's more guilt added to the already substantial guilt he carried and again, this protection and love for Sam is also codependence, which is problematic

So, like, his narrative is more complicated than Damon's and Jensen's acting is better and he has a natural charisma.

[purebarnes]

but you aren’t mine

summary: you are in love with your sisters fiancé and he is in love with you.

pairings: chris x female!reader

warnings: age-gap, cheating, mean sister

authors note: came back with a chris one!

You were a young, beautiful actress so you had the opportunity to work with other actors and that meant you got burnish new relationship. One specific person, you really loved working was someone who was a tad bit older you. Of course you had a huge crush on him because he was Chris Evans.

A year later, you and Chris both would catch each other looking at them selves and you guys would just ignore or go back to what you were doing. One day on set, your older sister had stopped by to see you which you loved but you stopped once she started being touchy with Chris.

You know that you and him weren’t a thing but it always bothered you that she always pushed herself towards men even if she didn’t know if they were taken. But what could you do.

Doing your usual snack breaks as Chris, you saw him as you looked back at the water then went to go ask what he was doing. He looked to you to see if you asked something, you warned him that he would not be happy with her.

He obviously didn’t listen otherwise he wouldn’t be unhappy in a toxic relationship with your sister. They were on and off for a long time so when Chris first proposed he did it because he simply thought he was in love. After plenty of arguments and problems: everyone knew they were just doing this over again.

You grew upset one day about their second engagement so you went to go do something else without any of them. You didn’t tell anyone about where you were gonna head to. Pulling out your wallet, you reached a bar.

Pulling a stool, you saw an upset Chris entereing the bar looking for something or more importantly someone. He finally saw you with your drink, he walked over to you as you sighed. “What are you doing here?” You asked him as he took a seat.

“Can’t I get a drink?” He asked.

You knew why he was here, he confessed he had feelings for you but you told him that he shouldn’t of said anything to you. Nothing wouldn’t change the fact about that. “You need to leave. Chris, you can’t-" Chris went to grab yours hands lightly as you went to gently peel them off.

He was in love with and you might of had some feeling back but he was getting married and to your sister. “Please, I know that you feel someway towards for me and so do I.” He pleaded to you.

“It doesn’t matter what I feel. She is still is my sister. What would my family say? Probably that I’m a back stabbing- - if we are happy, shouldn’t that matter the most.” He looked up at you with those eyes that you adored. It pained you to see someone that wasn’t yours when you wanted them so badly.

Being in such a public place, you really couldn’t talk in front of people because people would talk. Chris told you to go to his car so that you could finally talk to him about everything. “We really shouldn’t do this. “ Chris interrupted you by grabbing your face with his two hands cupping them to look at you.

You went to look down at his eyes while biting your bottom lip to stop you from doing something that you would regret when you got home. He saw that as a chance to lean in to lock you into a slow, passionate kiss that was much needed from him and you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck as you went to pull him in closer to get more of him. You weren’t thinking about anything since all you wanted was him.

“No. I’m so sorry, I can’t.” You sobbed while pulling away from him while putting your hands in your face and sniffing at the actions you just did. Chris couldn’t understand why you guys couldn’t be together but he didn’t get that your parents didn’t care about your feelings and how you just wanted to be happy.

It was always them against you.

“They won’t understand. If I tell them that I’m in love with Y/s fiancé, then how does that make me look. Like I meant to hurt her.” You expressed to him as he look straight at the streets, you looked up and reached for his hand while holding it and bringing it to kiss his back of his hand.

“I can’t just pretend that what I feel for you is not there. I’m so crazy about alright, I love you. So if I have to make them understand that then I will.” He promised you while going kiss your lips softly.

You sat in the car explaining to Chris everything you wanted to tell but surely couldn’t because he was with her.

-

You sat down silently when your father told you to go back home and tried your best not to look or talk to Chris as you felt bad. You saw your sister shaking her head at Chris while he tried to explain that it wasn’t your fault. Your dad slammed a couple photos on the table while looking back up to you.

You gulped silently when you saw it was you and chris from last night, you had no idea how someone took pictures of you. “Just explain something to me. What in the hell is this?!” He yelled as you looked up at him and sighed, “Don’t. This isn’t her fault, alright. Look, y/s/n, we don’t work but me and her do. What I feel feel for y/n is different.”

You smiled lightly as your sister walked over and slapped chris to show how affected she was, you got up once Chris held his cheek. “What the hell! See, this is why I’m not in love with you. You lash out on people without understanding them.”

“If you think you will have a career after this stunt you played then mister-” You surely had enough of this thing your father played, he’d like to threaten people but you hated it. “Stop it, don’t threaten him or his career. If you want me to never see him again then I will but I’m done with you and this family.”

You went to grab your stuff and walked out before your mother and father could yell out profanities with your sister crying. Once you reached the driveway, you saw Chris running towards you. “Wait. We can’t just stop seeing each other. Why can’t we do this together?” You grabbed his hand and then pointed towards your family.

“Everything, you had worked for will be gone. And all because of some chick. I want to be with you more then everything but we just can’t risk this.”

Chris was done telling you why you should of been together, he let out a scoff. He was mad that you weren’t trying to figure some way out. He thought that you didn’t really feel the same way that he did and that was way off.

“What is so hard about this? What we had yesterday? Did you not feel anything, you tell me you want me but won’t do anything about it. Why are you so scared.” He asked.

You went in the grab Chris by his neck and pulled him in for a kiss as he placed his hands on your waist to hold you so you wouldn’t move. He ended up pushing you against your car while dropping the keys then going to kiss your neck but you stopped him.

“Not here. My place?” You asked him as he smiled widely then went to slam his lips onto yours while ruffling is beard on your face as you let out a giggle. “Please be mine.?” You nodded while hugging him and looking up to see your sister glaring at you.

You really didn’t care because he was all yours.

[iamanartichoke]

So I'm looking for Thor spoilers, as you do, and I ended up on the Marvel spoilers subreddit, where I found and read a few Christian Bale interviews. And, well, I'll take Takes I Wasn't Expecting From Christian Bale For $500, Alex.

Cut; I don't think this is spoilery, but idk what people are considering spoilers at this point, so just to be on the safe side. (Also for length, this got long. And mostly pointless.)

Article Link.

"There's an awful lot that I wish was in this film, which you can't have a four-hour long film because there's so much gold that's on the cutting room floor, hilarious stuff, and creepy as hell stuff, but that was perhaps pushing it to a realm where maybe it wouldn't have been able to be family friendly, which we always wanted it to be. But Taika's sensibility, the comedy, the tragedy, the ability to have the Taika-ness and the humor of that. But he's got great sincerity as well. He's a real artist. And so, man, it's moving. That is the bloody surprising thing with this film. It's a very moving film and then two seconds later, you're laughing your ass off."

Incidentally, Christian has nothing but complimentary things to say about the rest of the cast as well, and specifically made mention of how welcoming Chris was (which might be in a different interview than the one I linked).

But, yeah. I'm not really sure why this perfectly lovely take surprises me, except to say that maybe seeing someone of Christian's status, I guess? expressing such admiration and respect for Taika is unexpected to me? By "status," I don't mean to undermine anyone else's accomplishments, as I obviously recognize the credibility of the actors who've worked with and praised Taika in the past -

- but, for me, I just consider Christian to be on his own level. The types of projects he tends to choose, how absolutely talented he is, how clearly intellectual he is - I may be biased due to having been a fan for literally most of my life (since the early 90s! Fuck I'm old), but I just have a lot of respect for him and have (somewhat subconsciously) elevated him to a bit higher on the totem pole of admiration. Even higher than Tom.

This was going to be a sidenote, but it turned into its own paragraph: I love Tom. I do. I got on a plane for Tom. I didn't get on a bus when I lived in Boston and Christian was filming American Hustle two towns over. My regard for both of them is clearly very different, and I'm not really sure how to explain it. I don't think that either is better than the other, in terms of talent/skill, but I do think that Christian is the more accomplished, experienced actor. Which makes his compliments for Taika hold more weight for me than Tom's?

Which sounds bad, but all I mean is that Tom was, obviously, very much a part of the Thor universe, he was entrenched in the role by the time Ragnarok came around, he had relationships with all the cast, and I think being in that position would hinder one's objectivity not just for the role but for the movie/universe in general. And, while I appreciate very much that Tom never has a bad thing to say about anyone - well, at the same time, Tom never has a bad thing to say about anyone, so whether he truly enjoyed working with Taika, especially in that context, or if he was just being diplomatic when promoting the film is anyone's guess.

Contrastingly, Christian is brand new to the MCU, to Taika, Chris and the cast (mostly), and to the Thor universe in general. Coming in as a blank slate like that, again, combined with Christian's body of work and tendency to be straightforward with his feelings (he's always very polite and complimentary, but he's not nice the way Tom is? Again, I don't know how to explain the difference, except to say I've never felt like he gives "fluff" answers; he doesn't heap on the praise if it's unwarranted, either (in my observations, anyway) - would naturally, I imagine, give him a much more objective point of view about the experience, making his feedback feel more legit, in a "here's my unbiased yet professional opinion (and I know what I'm talking about)" kind of way.

(I don't think I'm words-ing very well but) the thing is, I've always been lukewarm about Taika, at best. I've said this ad nauseum, but despite being critical of it, I liked Ragnarok. But I liked it as its own separate film. I didn't like it as part of the Thor franchise; I didn't like it as an overall story bc I didn't think it was well-written, and there were a lot of "problematic" implications within said story. Others have criticized it more thoroughly, but I have certainly done my fair share. And I think I mostly still have those opinions.

But I was way, way more upset about Infinity War than I could have ever been about Ragnarok, so that softens it a bit, too. And, look, this doesn't apply to anyone I am currently still mutuals with, but it does apply to a lot of former mutuals - regarding Ragnarok, at the height of wankness there was a lot of meta being passed around and analyzed and whatnot that made it easy to sort of spiral down into an echo chamber, encouraged by people who, again, include former mutuals who seem to feed on the negativity, despite claiming otherwise ("we wanted to like it, honest; endlessly criticizing hurts us more than it hurts you," etc). And the way that this dynamic played out - and is still playing out - after the Loki series came out was extremely eye-opening (and disappointing) to me bc suddenly, people whose Ragnarok takes elicited "yasss" from me were suddenly (I felt) posting takes that not only did I (sometimes wildly) disagree with, but that were fueled by an element of vitriol that fed right into the negativity (and made me very uncomfortable).

That's neither here nor there at the moment, just context I guess, but my point is that while I mostly maintain that Ragnarok is fine/enjoyable as a standalone film but has issues (at best) as part of the Thor franchise, said opinion left me feeling very "meh" about Taika as a filmmaker. I never hated him as much as some other people did (I hate(d) the Russos and Infinity War a lot more, fuck those assholes) but I didn't really respect him, either. And despite being interested in Thor 4 and excited for Christian Bale, I'm not really approaching it with any expectations of being blown away by the film itself; I'm mostly assuming it's mediocre.

Which - all of this was just a really rambly way of saying, well shit, if Christian Bale's probably-objective opinion is such a glowing review, maybe I should re-assess how I view Taika as a filmmaker? Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss this movie as "probably mediocre but it's Thor with Christian Bale so sign me the fuck up." Actually give it a fair chance. I mean, shit, I could still walk away from it saying, "Nah, my opinion hasn't changed, definitely mediocre," but at least it'd be a more genuine take, I suppose.

There is literally no point to this post, sorry. It's 1:30am and I'm having all kinds of feelings and I'm just Like This, okay?

Also, I just realized I didn't actually find any fucking spoilers.

[shootthemessenger]

if the heavens ever did speak, she’s the last true mouthpiece [b.d.h.]

billie dean howard x fem!reader

summary: idk this came to me while cooking ramen

disclaimer: strong language, sexual nature, smut

gif belongs to @onlysarah235678

Billie couldn’t keep herself from staring; between the swift way you floated around the room, and the dress that hugged your curves so deliciously. She recognized that dress - she had picked it up in a small shop in New York and made you promise you’d wear something nice underneath it for her.

She couldn’t tell if you remembered where the dress was from and deliberately wore it or if you were only wearing it because you knew how lovely you looked in it.

Either way, it was hard for her to deny that you radiated nothing but confidence and elegance as you made your rounds with the producers and actors and actresses; the cherry-red smile never once leaving the delicate curve of your lips.

And she hated you for it.

Specifically, she hated the way you clung to your girlfriend’s arm like a three-piece suit fitted to mold perfectly around her.

She hated the way you wouldn’t look her in the eyes with a soft bat those mesmerizing eyelashes the way you used to.

She hated that she was forced to watch you pad around with the woman that was taking up the other side of your bed; her side of your bed.

Ironically enough, she even hated that she hated you.

When you finally did meet her eyes - as you were escorted to your seat, which had conveniently been placed across the table from her - you sent nothing more than a soft glance which ended as soon as it had began.

She wondered, briefly, if she was imagining the thickness of the tension in the air and if her psycho-babbling with the producer next to her was enough to mask the fact that she was having trouble concentrating.

It only proved to be more difficult as your thumb reached to swipe a pool of chocolate syrup from your bottom lip.

Once again, your eyes met hers, and she wondered if she had imagined the way your pupils dilated as you sucked the mess from the pad of your thumb.

Her spine twitched as she blinked away her own thoughts, submerging herself back into the conversation she was now struggled to keep a hold of.

She could feel your heel bump against her shin underneath the table, “I’m so sorry,” you apologized, taking your bottom lip between your teeth.

She almost forgot where she was as she basked to the smoothness in your voice, the soft tone dripping from your lips like honey.

Her eyes darted to your, distracted, girlfriend before landing on you again.

Now she was angry for an entirely different reason.

She was angry that the woman in front of her had the audacity to focus on anything other than you when you were all she could think about.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart.” She mumbled, hoping she could mask that sharpness in her voice as her eyes trailed down to your chest where she proceeded to stare at the curvature of your breasts.

It was getting harder for her to deny the urgency to bend you over the table and take you right there in front of everyone.

But she refrained, mostly because of the intrusiveness of the idea that maybe you weren’t still in love with her the way she was with you. Maybe you were only screwing with her because you knew the sight of you still make her weak in the knees, no matter how many months it had been since you had broken up.

The rattling in her brain was interrupted by your voice, excusing yourself from the table and sauntering towards the restroom. She watched your hips swing, blinking back the images of your naked ass pressed against her shower wall.

If this is how the night was going to be; she was absolutely fucked.

She waited a moment, glancing around the room before she impulsively pushed her way out of her seat and stumbled towards the bathroom.

She carefully swung the door open, examining the room for anyone. The bathroom was empty other than you standing at the sink with your hands under the runnng water.

She leaned against the wall, examining your face through the mirror before finding the courage to speak. “So, you’ve got a new girlfriend.” She spoke sternly.

You met her eyes in the mirror, almost missing the way the lock clicked behind her. “I wouldn’t call her my girlfriend, hell, she’s hardly my friend.” You let out a defeated laugh, turning off the water.

Billie moved closer to you, pressed her hand to your hip and pulling you flush against her. She couldn’t fight the urge to breathe you in, your scent clouding her senses.

You withered underneath her, shuddering at the feeling of her breath against your ear. She was silent for a moment as she looked you over, “Dress looks good on you.” She stated shortly, finally pressing her lips against your shoulder.

You fought a hum, nearly paralyzed under her as you watched her through the mirror. Her lips traveled past the strap of the dress, her teeth pulling it to snap back against your skin. You whimpered at the burning sensation left on your sensitive skin.

You could see Billie’s eyes visibly darken as her hand began dancing down the outside of your thigh, “Almost forgot what you looked like underneath me.” She watched you carefully, trying to pick up on any indication that you wanted her to stop.

But the gentle pressure of your ass pushing against her made her smile. She took the dress in her fist and pulled it up over your thighs. She would have been suprised at the black-colored lingerie underneath if she hadn’t known you better.

Her voice dropped to a whisper, “Did you wear this for her, hmm?” She was toying with you just as you had toyed with her early. And, man, were you paying for it.

Her fingers found the hem of your underwear and traced along the burning skin. Before you could even let out the breath you were holding, her hand dipped under the thin fabric to swipe a soft line between your folds.

You cried out softly, gripping the edge of the counter until the skin of your knuckles turned white. You could hear the sound of her humming just over the blood rushing in your ears. “So wet.” She praised with a smile.

“Stop teasing,” you begged through a ragged breath, watching her face break out into an evil smirk. She met your eyes, glancing down the mirror at the sight of her hand dissapeared underneath your underwear.

“Why should I?” She almost sounded proud of the desperation leaking from your voice.

You grit your teeth as her thumb pressed teasingly against your clit, “Because you’ve already proved that no one is going to fuck me as good as you can. Don’t make me wait any longer to cum than I already have.”

She rewarded you with a soft circular motion against your clit, holding you flush against her with her free hand as you attempted to buck your hips in a chase for the orgasm you so-desperately needed.

The moans that began to fall from your lips were much appreciated by Billie as she pushed her finger inside of you, “Look at you, moaning like a desperate little mess. Such a fucking slut trying to get off on my fingers.”

Her hand traveled up to pull the dress below your chest, taking a nipple between her fingers and rolling gently. “God,” she mumbled in approval, her eyes locked on your closed ones in the mirror.

She could feel your knees buckling underneath you as you held yourself up against the sink and tried your best to ride her fingers to orgasm.

“Look at me,” she demanded, wrapping her hand around your throat. When you made no effort to open your eyes, she continued, “I have half a mind to make you scream my name for everyone to hear how needy this cunt is for me. Don’t make me regret giving you what you want without making you work for it. Look. At. Me.” If there was one thing Billie knew how to do, it was excite you.

Your eyes immediately shot open, water pooling in them and face flushed of all color except the rosy-pink blush on your cheeks. God, she wanted to take a picture of you in the moment; completely at her mercy and open to her with no metaphorical barrier between the two of you.

“Billie, I’m going to cum!” You were nearly shouting as she clamped her hand over your mouth. Her fingers worked effortlessly faster against your clit.

“Then be a good girl and cum for mommy.” She finally gave you her blessing. As if a flood gate had opened up, your orgasm rocked through you. A symphony of cries and moans flooded Billie’s ear, such a sweet sound.

She pinned your hips against the skin as you shuttered until finally your legs began to still. “Thank you,” was all you had the energy to mumble out as you looked up at her once again.

Her face broke out into a maniacal smirk, “Oh sweetheart, don’t think I’m done with you yet. I’m going to fuck to until you forget your own name.”

This is not edited and terrible, oops 😅 but hey atleast I’m writing for the first time in so long... :)

Taglist: @mssallymckenna , @proudnlittle , @coxmicbabygirl , @sapphicpaulsxn , @its-soph-xx , @fand0m-obsess3d-g33k , @paulsonix , @madamevirgo , @saucy-sapphic , @kikaykimkim , @billiedeansbottom

[darkacademicfrom2021]

Headcanon/fic: "Tom with superpowers"

Reader x Tom Hiddleston/Loki

Gender neutral reader

Context: in the same world that happens the whole Avengers situation, Marvel releases the movies. You get a job as health assistant in the franchise, helping the injured actors while they train. There, you met Tom Hiddleston, and... maybe someone else too.

Loki won his reputation in Midgard the wrong way, since the whole New York incident. You knew him well as the selfish psychopath you thought he was.

But ever since you started working in Marvel, you got a bit into the story and past of him and understood his character better. You thought he was quite charming.

Actually, you thought Tom Hiddleston, his actor, was more than charming.

You met him on a rainy day. Your scrubs were soaking wet, since you've come to work by walking (a terrible idea) and the rain caught you in the middle.

Someone in the entrance told you to get something dry from the lost & found box, and so you did.

A nice and warm hoodie replaced the top of your scrubs and you started drying your hair with a towel as you walked on set.

"Excuse me", said a deep and harmonious voice, touching your shoulder. "I think that belongs to me".

You lifted your gaze at the stranger and as soon as you met his eyes, both were speechless.

Tom Hiddleston in person. God, the man was even more beautiful than through a screen. You smiled nervously as he smirked. He didn't take his eyes off you for a second.

"What?", you finally said.

"You have my hoodie".

"Oh, I'm... I'm really sorry. I was... anyways, I'm giving it back now" you tried to articulate, still choking on your words. He noticed you were nervous and didn't comment on it. What a gentleman, you thought.

"Give it back in dinner, would you?" he said suddenly, yet smoothly. You had to blink twice to realize what he just said. "Meet you at eight in the doorway? I'll take you somewhere nice and quiet".

Your mind was off for the rest of the day, until dinner came along. Your coworkers noticed your brain was somewhere else than in the present, but they didn't say anything; they kind of figured Tom would've asked you out. They saw how he smiled at you on set the whole day.

Dinner was perfect, and so were the other five, six, seven...

You started dating very frequently. Always kept it down, avoiding the press rumors, avoiding paparazzis, keeping private life... well, private.

If there was something you definetly loved about him, was his passion. He was passionate about everything he spoke about. And he was even more passionate about listening to you talking.

And when you spoke your mind off about how Loki was misunderstood, and such a good character, such an interesting person (well, God); he listened.

Sometimes you could catch a glimpse of him being still on character. He'd say or do something and you'd answer "your Loki is showing", and he'd get all nervous and blushed.

You always wondered why. It's normal for actors to slip away something of their characters sometimes. Why did he get so embarrassed about it?

It was even more in interviews. He'd hide pretty well those assets that you'd connect so much to Loki's personality, afraid he might not "look Tom enough".

Already years into the relationship, you have already made it public. You still worked for Marvel and spent a lot of time on set, and sometimes you walked in some interviews.

There was this specific interview where you walked accidentally in the room, and he greeted you, with the camera running, with the most Loki tone of voice possible.

"Hello, baby".

Tom never called you baby. Not even when you called him daddy. He'd call you darling, dear, beloved, my love, my sweet, sweetheart, lover... but baby? Never that.

As soon as he realized those foreign words slipping out of his tongue, his face straightened and went into what you'd call his 'dark mode', a very serious face he made when his inner Loki spilled out of his words.

The 'dark mode' only could be described as the face someone does when making a big, irreparable mistake. Like saying the words he should've never said.

And it only faded away when he realized you didn't notice it. Like he was hiding a big secret from you, and those words would give him away.

But they never did, and he always relaxed his face to see that you were unaware of what he was hiding.

"Baby..." you recalled that same night, wrapped around in the warmth of the blankets. "You went all Loki today. But I like it. It fits you so well".

He stared at you from the doorstep, holding a book he promised to read you before sleeping. He smiled slightly and turned that smirk into a sad look very quickly.

"What's wrong, honey?".

"Nothing, my love. I'm just tired from work, that's all".

"For playing the God of lies, you're a terrible liar" you mocked him. He sat by your side and caressed your cheek with the soft touch of his hand.

"You're the only one who's always been able to read right through my bullshit. That's one of the reasons I love you so much". He said quietly.

"I'd love to know what goes through your mind when the character slips through your words. You play him marvelously, you shouldn't be ashamed to have gotten used to some of his mannerisms", you told him while running your fingers through his hair.

"I'd say I have too many of them".

"Yeah", you chuckled "it's almost like Loki is playing you, instead of you playing Loki".

"Oh, darling. Only if you knew", he said with the deepest and sexiest voice he has ever spoken.

"What's that supposed to mean?" you whispered.

He laughed slightly, and cut the conversation off with a "nothing, I'm just messing with you".

But you knew he wasn't.

Something in his eyes... he couldn't lie to you any longer. Not with you allowing it.

"What is it? I really, really want to know".

You insisted and insisted. He rolled his eyes and said nothing all night.

Next morning he didn't awake by your side. You were waiting for him in the kitchen, with a fresh cup of tea and a teasing smile on your face.

"Good morning, love" he said, hands in your waist while kissing both of your cheeks. "What are you doing up so early?".

"I want to do something crazy".

"Oh no".

"Oh yes".

"What do you want to do?".

"Let's go to Asgard. Let's go to catch a glimpse of the cell Loki is supposedly locked up in. I know it sounds crazy, but I really think it would help you with the character building. You know, since you give such importance to the role and..."

But he didn't let you finish, and closed the conversation with a "no way. Absolutely not".

And there was nothing else to discuss.

"I'm going".

"He's a crazy murderer that wants to slave everybody. There is no way I'm letting you see him".

"I'm going you like it or not", you said, grabbing your keys and going towards the door.

He stood infront of you with the most serious look you've ever seen in his face. "You're not going".

"Just one reason, give me one".

"He's not in his cell, you wouldn't find him there".

"And how do you know that?".

His eyes, that once showed anger and concern, were now fearful and disappointed.

"I can't say".

"This has to do with your 'dark mode', doesn't it? What are you hiding from me, Thomas?".

He sighed. Hugged you tightly as if you were never holding him again after what you'd hear next.

He whispered in your ear "I'm sorry for lying. It's just what I do best".

Tom and the expressions that differentiated him from Loki got bathed in a golden light. His hair became long and dark, his facial hair disappeared, his eyebrows got fixed (exactly how they made his make up for the movies), and his midgardian shirt and trousers transformed into the leather and metal armor that represented Loki so well.

"Oh my FUCKING GOD" you yelled as you hold your body against the wall, trying not to fall. Your legs were shaking.

"Yes".

"YOU'RE--".

"The... fucking God".

"H-how??".

"Long story short, I needed to start over. And I'm a shapeshifter, it's not too hard for me to disguise".

You sat on a chair and he did the same. You looked at him up and down as you steadied yourself. Once you were already taking all the madness in, you were able to speak.

"So, you could've pretended to be ANY midgardian out here".

"I could've".

"And you chose to become an actor that would play you?".

He laughed, with the same laughter Tom had. He's the same man I fell in love with, after all, you thought.

He started saying that he understood if you felt unsafe and lied to with him. That if you wanted to end the relationship his soul would ache eternally, but he would let you go. That he did something unforgivable; he played with your trust.

You got up and cupped your hands around his neck, leaving a small kiss on his lips.

"Shut up".

"Beg you pardon?".

"I love you, I don't care about anything else. To me, now you're Tom with superpowers".

"That's the most stupid yet most lovable thing you've ever told me".

"I'm sure I said stupider things". And you glanced down. "I wonder how much of your God skills you were hiding all this time".

He smiled before lifting you in the air and taking you bride style to the bedroom.

"Oh, baby, you'll see".