#ho. and now i sleep
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i’m not a “01x09 was agathario’s first kiss” truther because i think it’s so much more tragic if this is their first kiss in literally hundreds of years. aren’t you always more hungry after you’ve had a bite of food? isn’t water more appealing when you can already taste it on your tongue, from the thousands of time you’ve tasted it before? doesn’t it hurt all the more when it’s right in front of you, and you know what it’s like, you know you can satisfy your craving but— it’s just out of reach?
#ho. and now i sleep#agatha all along#agathario#agatha harkness#rio vidal#aaa spoilers#aaa#esme.txt#<- new talk tag#esme original
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One man. Three personas. Each one a foil to the protagonist in a different way.
#squidgamegif#squidgameedit#squid game#seong gi hun#hwang in ho#oh young il#frontman#characterization#literary devices#hey man every version of me is perfectly in contrast with you in a different and impactful way is it CASUAL NOW???#the fun thing about fandom is that is can be indistinguishable from homework#anyway i have been thinking about this all day and uh just traded some sleep in order to get this done#also like i was a physics and math major so my literary analysis skills are solely based on obsessing over tv and book characters#that is to say i am not *good* at this but my brain just does it and i'm just along for the ride#when i said i had capital T Thoughts about squid game and constructing a compelling narrative...#analysis
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Okay so I got inspired by this post by @fandomfourever to take a look at some of the books on In-ho's desk in the room where Jun-ho looks for him in season 1. Here's a picture and I numbers the books which I looked up so you know what book I'm talking about

(also just fyi it's almost 5am where I live but I feel the need to make this post now instead of tomorrow, if there are any spelling mistakes in this post or something is worded weirdly, that's why)
So let's go!! First book:

So book number one is the one I'm most uncertain about. The book here is titled "René Magritte, l'empire des lumières" (empire of lights) and online I found this book with the same title but a different cover. You can even read or download it here if you want. But what I also found out is that "l'empire des lumières" is a series of 27 paintings that René Magritte made over the years and they're always of a landscape at night (often a house lit by a street lamp) while the sky in the background is a sunlit sky by day and In-ho seems to like this series a lot. We can assume that because he has both a small print of it taped to the desk and again a bigger print of it framed hanging on his wall

I'm pretty sure the framed one is this one but I can't be fully sure:

Second book:

Book number 2 is "Picasso, The Blue and Rose Periods". I have to admit I didn't find out anything specific about this book, I think it's just a book about Picasso's art. If I'm wrong please correct me. Also the picture of the book I put here isn't the same cover as the one on In-ho's desk but it should still be the same book

The third book is about Monet/his art and if I'm correct it's the one by Christoph Heinrich. Again I didn't look up too much information about this one because it's just an art book.

The fourth book is "Van Gogh, The Complete Paintings" by Ingo F. Walther and Rainer Metzger. Again art book about Vincent van Gogh's art
So for book number 5 I couldn't actually figure out which book specifically it is. From what I can read it's called "Campus Life" and I tried looking that up but there were multiple books with that title (one of them was gay tho sooo...). Also maybe that's just me but it does kinda look like it could also be a notebook?
Lastly book 6:

It's called "The Catcher in the Rye" by J. D. Salinger and it's a novel from 1951 and it's about a 17 year old boy looking back on three specific days from his past. You can find the description and what it's about online. I'm gonna read through that tomorrow I think
Bonus book but I couldn't find the exact one:

This one, which is on another shelf on In-ho's desk. It's probably an art book on Picasso
So what does this tell us about In-ho? He's an artist, or at least very interested in art and he specifically likes René Magritte's "l'empire des lumières" series so much that he has two prints and a book about it
#i adore artist in-ho#this is so interesting to me and i want to have all these books now too!!!#sorry that i couldn't really bring too much information on most of these books but like i said i'm tired#and i think i've been writing this post for about an hour now and i should Really Go To Sleep#lea's random thoughts#hwang in ho#hwang inho#hwang in-ho#squid game#squid game analysis#long post
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She got her present early 😇
#we had a cat scratching bed thing for tigs but probably got rid of it like 16 yrs ago#bc he never ever used any of the cat stuff we got him#he was raised with dogs i guess so hos cat skills were unrefined but she destroyed the last scratching post we got her for 2 bucks last xmas#so now she can have a big one with places to sleep too :]#maybe tigs might even investigate it
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New Year, New banners for my socials.
#ended up experimenting a lot with these#but I like how they turned out 🧡#now I seriously should go to sleep#anyhoot#art blog#gaming blog#art banner#banner design#ocs#art sona#it me#shin megami tensei v#digital art#my art#fanart#artists on tumblr#hee ho
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something i have to stop doing is reading letterboxd reviews for movies that chemically altered something in my brain in the most meaningful way...
i saw Mickey 17, another astonishing film by Bong Joon Ho. i thought the message was so blatantly obvious, yet very well done in away that will appeal to these blockbuster bureaucrats whose head this message will go right over. it is so hard for me not to cry when i think of the last line in the movie, it felt like he was talking directly to me in that i too feel guilty for merely existing. he said something along the lines of, "i have to learn to stop feeling guilty, it's ok for me to be happy," and if that doesn't make just want to tear your hair out and cry and cry and cry then idek man, we are nottt the sameee. all i do now is speak in references to scenes in this movie, "its like that scene in mickey 17 where he told his clone what they did to him in the dining room and 18 asks, 'what do you do next?' and 17 says, 'i said thank you for dinner...'" that scene actually means so much to me, when 18 gets frustrated and so mad at 17 for being so passive and calling him a loser, but that was all 17 could say to get out of that room alive, like we get mad at ourselves all the time for being doormats to bureaucrats, we take for granted that we have been doing what we could to survive, acting another way could get you to loose you job, or, in 17's case, die. 17's speech at the end was so beautiful and moving, his guilt towards being the mickey standing there today opposed to any of his other clones, and knowing that there's nothing he can do about that and nothing he ever could do about that PAIRED with the fact that he ALSO blames himself for his mother's death while ALSO knowing that it wasn't his fault or his mother's fault IT WAS THE MANUFACTURER'S OF THE DAMN CAR!!!! if that isn't the most blatant callout to this hellhole we call a country then i don't know what the hell is. Bong Joon Ho is practically shouting at the top of his lungs about all this goddamn hipocracy and manipulation going on in american politics and all the people reviewing this movie seem to have absolutely missed the message completely, acting like it was an "if you blink you miss it," sort of detail, IT WAS THE LOUDEST GODDAMN METAPHOR SINCE IDK LIKE ANIMAL FARM???? DUDE!!!!! WHEN MARSHALL HAS THE FREUDIAN SLIP FROM ACCIDENTALLY CALLING THE "COMPANY" THE "CHURCH"????????? idek, it's like you can bring a horse to the water but you can't get it to take a long look at its reflection to realize the beast that it has become. goddamn.
#mickey 17#mickey 17 spoilers#?#kind of?#not really?#sometimes i goddamn hate letterboxd#bong joon ho#💞💞💞💞#yes i was crying while remember some parts of this movie while typing ´IND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS#cannootttt stop getting pissed off at peoples reaction to this movie omg i have to stop it's sooo bad#i neeeeeeedddd to go to sleep now
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woke up still a bit numb and then i saw the translation of part of Park Ho San's message for Lee Sun Kyun and lost it again. God
#tv: my mister#my mister#my ahjussi#lee sun kyun#lee sun gyun#park ho san#'now that you're lying down take it easy. stretch out your legs. forget all your heartache and sleep comfortably.#rest well my warm little brother.'#what am i supposed to do with that.
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Odd and Recent Planets
#I do not recommend this show at all - I only watch it for T'Pring#It's bad in almost every way#But it is funny how like 0 of the romantic relationships don't have something questionable to do with cheating in them#I know La'an and Kirk hooked up in an alternate timeline (it's complicated) <- did not watch the episode too boring#But it's more about the essence of infidelity now in the canon timeline. That's the only obstacle they can think of#for these straight forbidden love plots <- Not counting Pike sleeping with that alien lady#Idk what's going on with him and that human lady he's with...captain girlfriend. Maybe they're open v_v#as I said - it's really about the essence of infidelity#THAT'S the ticket#star trek memes#but I am serious the show is bad -_-#I liked it at first but then it was just like .... bad & also a slog & also like genuinely sending bad messaging - not campy/fun bad#I don't think I'll watch anything else that doesn't have T'Pring or Vulcans in it (yo ho ho)#<- I want to pick and choose aspects of Vulcan culture to implement into my personal canon#<- The customary parent-in-law vs spouses roast session IS too funny for me not to say yes and to
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sometimes I come up with ideas that make me a firm believer that I need to take a forever nap because holy shit what the fuck was that-
#whenever I drop this one oneshot people are gonna be like DAMN tf has this ho lived through#In reality I’m only using this one relatively common traumatic event that I went through back in middle school and amplifying it by 100000#because I want to project on Kyle and I live to make his life a tragedy#Like just euthanize me omfg#It’s fucking 5 in the morning I need to go to sleep#IT WASNT EVEN THAT BAD😭#Like was it low key traumatic to realize I’d been lied to for a year and a half?#Yeah but it’s not like I put anything exposing out there#Idk man I’m tweaking#Woah sorry for the super unwarranted clouded lore drop#I’m gonna go to sleep now cause I have shit to do tomorrow mwahmwahmwah#Tomorrow I shall return to terrorize tumblr once more<3#keep yourselves safe gang#and don’t be like middle school clouded. She was a high key stupid fucking child
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finished watching band of brothers for like the 6th time what now

#2am crying over my little easy company..#this one goes out to george luz specifically i hope you never knew a day of sadness in your life#the scenes of winters and nixon by the lake are so. [explodes]#weird how idk the speirs theyre talking about in the end cause the one i know moved to huntington west virginia 🤷#waaaaaa i love this stupid series so much. crying myself to sleep now#hi ho silver or smth
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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Sorry we're closed game but it's me instead of Michelle dumb quotes:
Duchess meeting me for the first time when they enter my house: Damn bitch you live like this?
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Duchess: Have you declared your love for me? I am ready to accept it.
me: *holds up a marriage certificate paper and a pen*
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Me returning home: I gotta go to the bathroom so bad
*enters home and sees Duchess on my bed*
Duchess: Care to join me?
me: *quickly runs past them towards the bathroom* Hold that thought!
me: *Slams door shut and makes ungodly toilet noises*
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*A large duchess appears*
me: Step on me?
Duchess: What?
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*on a date with Duchess at the hotel*
me: ...However, Flareon is the fully evolved fire-type pokemon that cannot learn sunbeam and *continues rambling on nerdy stuff*
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*angelic version of Duchess appears*
me: What's your safe word?
Duchess: What?
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bonus
Customer: Damn you're cute wanna date?
me: No. I'm taken.
Customer: Naw you're just lying.
Me: No, there right behind you.
Customer: *turns and sees an angry Duchess with a chainsaw*
me at Duchess: Hi, turtledove! You're here early. Ready for our date tonight?
#ok ill stop for now#maybe not ho knows they live rent free in my mind rn#i rlly wish i could draw these scenarios#sorry we're closed#cant believe alot of people are sleeping off this game i want my fanfics already!
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ninjago oc doodles jumpscare (they/them)
the first one is show and movie counterparts and secon dis theur prime empire fit. (them and jay got to pm first) i dont rlly like the accent color but whatever
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HWTA !??!?!?! MY FACE IS.... DAMP... *curled over on the floor* UAHA...UAAAHHHHHH...
#HELP WHY IS IT GAY#im sending this to someone else now#im fully offended#ALSO SORRY I THINK YOU SENT THIS WHILE I WAS SLEEPING AND I HAD SCHOOL#thanks for the askt ho🥂
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Of course, when I'm trying to sleep at 3am is when I finally figured out how to fix that transition scene that I've been stuck on for months, thank god I have docs on my phone
#ace writes sometimes#writing process#GG#C16: frosted affair#those transition/bridge bits at the start of and end of chapters dont tend to trip me up for this fic#but for some reason i have been struggling to make any progress on this one for golden girl its been a nightmare i constantly get stuck#and just when i think ive got it i get stuck again and every time i try to come back to it i still have no resolution#for where i got stuck last time#id already shut everything down for the night accepted i still wasnt going to make any progress#did a little reading in bed before finally deciding nah im going to sleep now so of course not even ten minutes later#my brain is giving me a play by play resolution to whats been haunting for whats probably going on nearly a year now for just this part#i was trying to ignore it but i couldnt risk it so i had to grab my phone and transcribe it before all was lost#obviously the solution was weather talk in true british fashion 🙄#but hey ho progress has been made! thats something at least#this is why i have the damn google docs app on my phone in the first place for all the times ive inconveniently been attacked by scenes
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I'm not dead. I'm just moving. Tomorrow. It's just about half an hour away but I'm gonna be in bed a lot because I'm achy and I need to get a treatment done so please, please, I am so sorry. If I owe you something, please go into my messages and send me the link. It's going to be a little while for me to get around to it, but I will eventually. If you just want to drop it... yeah you can tell me and I just won't answer. Cause... if you don't, I probably have a draft saved somewhere and I intend to answer. Even the ones I've had saved for years. Yes. I am that determined. But please be patient with me. I may put myself to a small limit a day. <3
Thanks. I love and appreciate all of you. If you just want to talk about ships or something you can also go "yo it's Valentine's Day coming up and I want a smooch" and you can also get that. Just...ask me now. Cause I still have Xmas asks. I'M SORRY. I'll reblog tomorrow for visibility. <3
#heigh ho mun#disabled person is moving and it is very complicated rn#right now we're treating this as me sleeping over my fiance's but soon this move will be PERMANENT and I am excited and scared#i am super arrested development due to my chronic pain and illness taking me out for years but HEYYYYY we're doing it now! adulting!#doc ships with literally anyone by the way except like grimhilde plz don't unless you have a really good pitch#i can be convinced trust me all you gotta go is HOLD MUH DOLE WHIP
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