#hm i kinda lie its not exactly my fav

[empty-dream]

It's okay, even if I have to XX everyone other than you I'll come to save you soon ↳ Dead and Seek - Jin ft. IA

[diegosclownshoes]

more s2 progress! the agent and elliott talk and five brings back diego and lila. this part’s around 3.3k since I wanted to really get the ball rolling on the storyline, and I also really wanted to finally bring in diego, who’s my absolute fav lol

The agent turns away from Elliott and looks back at the spot where the boy had just stood. She puffs out her cheeks before pushing out a loud breath of air in exasperation. Elliott speaks up first.

“So I take it he’s... also from the future?”

The agent sighs. Honestly, she hadn’t thought this far ahead, about what would happen once her mission actually began. If she’s being completely honest with herself, a part of her believed it would never happen.When she’d told Elliott the truth about herself, that she was one of multiple children all spontaneously born on the same day, with superpowers, sent from the year 2007 on an unknown mission, she’d been more concerned with whether or not he would believe her. He’d accepted the explanation easily enough, and it hadn’t come up again after that.

“I think,” she begins slowly, “I think he, and the rest of what, his family? He called them that. I think it’s safe to say that they’re all from the future. But I have no idea what year. And I have no idea what they’re here for either. Because telling me would have been far too much.” She feels herself getting more and more angry as the words leave her mouth. “The only thing I know is that I was supposed to wait for them here, and then once he shows up, keep him safe. I don’t even know from what and I don’t know why. Hell I didn’t even know he’d turn up three years later.”

She knows she hadn’t exactly been The Handler’s favorite, and doesn’t blame her for it completely. Maybe it’s because she can still remember her parents, still remembers her mother’s voice as she sang softly to her each night, the amber of her perfume enveloping her as she drifted to sleep. Maybe it’s because she could never truly see The Handler as a parental figure; if anything she was more of a teacher, especially given the hours of training that made up the majority of the extent of their relationship. And while Lila happily called her mum, the agent, even as a child, would call her The Handler in a quick, clipped tone. She feels an odd mix of guilt in her stomach when she remembers the times The Handler would pull both her and Lila close, saying how proud she was of her daughters, regardless of the agent’s own coolness towards her.

Still, she thinks, abandoning her in a completely different time, stressing the importance of this mission, and then not giving her any direction, leaving her to wait in a constant state of anticipation eating at her is a little much. She hadn’t even gotten the chance to say goodbye to Lila, who no matter the peculiarity of their relationship, was still a sister to her. The Handler had insisted that Lila would join her on the mission soon, before she was sent through time with nothing but the clothes on her back and the photograph in her hand.

The agent’s pulled out of her reverie when Elliott speaks again. “I’m sorry,” he says softly, stepping closer and placing a warm, sturdy hand on her shoulder. “I know we’ve been pulling up empty, for years, but hey, this is a major step forward. This means it’s actually something. You don’t have to wait anymore, this is actually going to begin. And I’ll be right here too.”

The agent swallows hard. The emotions she’s been forcing down the past few years have caught up, and between the feelings of disorientation, anger, and insignificance that now bubble up in her chest, combined with Elliott’s reassurance, she doesn’t know what to say and doesn’t dare try. She blinks away the heat at her eyes and gives him a silent nod, and she’s grateful when he doesn’t try to nudge her into speaking. Instead, he gives her shoulder an extra squeeze in understanding before letting go.

“I’ll make us some coffee, and then we can discuss this when you’re ready.”

*

The agent sits across from Elliott at the kitchen table, fingers clasped around a mug of steaming coffee, and feels a sense of déja vu. That first night three years ago had them in the same arrangement, though instead of the distrust and trepidation she’d felt as she’d eyed Elliott back then, this time she feels a wave of gratitude. She gives the mug a squeeze, lets her palms feel the burn of the scalding coffee for just a moment before she lets go with a sigh.

“So.

“So.”

Well he’ll be back sooner or later, so we need to get our story straight,” says the agent, feeling much more in control of herself than she had before. “We already know he has powers, and it’s safe to assume the rest of his family does as well. Strange how he didn’t make any attempt to hide it though. He just zoomed around the place, pretty casually too.”

Well,” says Elliot, “He did also mention saving the world. Maybe whatever happens is worth letting a couple strangers in on his not-so-secret-powers.” The agent nods in agreement. “We definitely need to ask him about that too, he said he only has ten days? How does he know that?”

“I think being from the future kinda gave him a clue,” the agent replies drily. “Hm, but if it’s only ten days away he can’t have been born at the same time I was. That was 1989.” She frowns.” Wait, if the world ends in 1963 then how was I born?” Her eyes widen. “Do you think something from the future accidentally got sent back here? Whatever it is that’s gonna end the world? Like a Godzilla egg that got smuggled over or something?”

Elliott’s brows shoot up as he leans forwards across the table. “Could be. Do you think that’s why he was saying all that stuff about Area 51? Because it’s actually relevant to this end of the world business? Shit, there probably is some weird alien creature that’s going to doom us all. Think we bought enough groceries? Should we go stock up on some more?” He asks almost frantically.

“No,” the agent says quickly, “No, hold on, we don’t know for sure what it is yet. I think for now we should wait for him to come back, and then we’ll give him the rest of the info that we have on his family. At least then we can get an explanation out of them.” Elliot nods firmly.

“Agreed. I’ll get everything together in the meanwhile. And hey, we’re not going to bring up your own little skill now either are we?“ The agent quickly shakes her head.

“No, not until we know what the rest of them can do, and not until they actually tell us just what the hell is going on. We don’t even know what they’re here for yet either.”

”Well then, let’s get to work.”

*

They don’t see the boy again until the next morning. The agent finds herself awake earlier than usual, and a look out the window tells her it’s before sunrise. Groaning, she pulls herself up, splashes some cold water on her face, slowly gets dressed, and makes her way into the kitchen. She and Elliott have yet to splurge on an espresso machine, but they have a battered little Moka pot which works well enough for now. She’s just set it up on the stove top and is about to run down to grab the day’s paper in the few minutes it’ll take for the coffee to brew, when she sees a shadow flit across the wall behind the stove. She turns around with a startle and upon spotting the boy from the day before, lets out a sigh that’s somewhere between relief and annoyance.

“You know you’re gonna have to either learn to use the door like a normal person or make some noise when you’re lurking around in here like a little creep.” She crosses her arms and narrows her eyes, scowling as he, in turn, looks the least bit bothered.

“Well, this way’s just faster, wouldn’t you agree?” He eyes her for a moment before catching sight of the pot on the stove. The agent follows his line of sight before turning back to pull the coffee off the stove. She has a feeling she’s going to need it extra more than usual today. Wordlessly, she pours out two cups and means to carry them out to the table when he once again blinks over to right in front of her, takes a mug from her hand and lifts it up slightly in a silent (and what she feels is also mildly sarcastic) thank you. She scowls when she sees he’s once again taken her mug, but doesn’t have the energy to fight him on it.

Instead she says, “That’ll stunt your growth, you know. Can’t have that, now can we.”

“Speaking from experience?” He shoots back. The agent rolls her and takes herself over to the open area of their study-cum-living room, before perching on the arm of the sofa, the only clear place to sit on it as it’s still covered in piles of papers and cardboard boxes from Elliott’s search yesterday.

Speaking of Elliott, the man himself walks in right at the moment already dressed for the day. He spots the boy drinking coffee, leaning up against the arched entryway, and, as if this were nothing out of the ordinary, and schoolboys stealing their coffee is regular occurrence, pulls a carton of milk out of the fridge before pouring himself a bowl of cereal. The agent can’t lie, it’s not the strangest morning she’s had.

She watches as the boy pushes himself off the wall and slowly walks over to inspect the room. He stops and looks over one of the cork boards they have set up, photographs and video stills pinned to every available inch of its surface. Elliott trails after him, eating his cereal as he walks.

“Elliott, did you develop these photos yourself?”

“Of course. Can't exactly drop that stuff off at the neighborhood Fotomat. Government's got eyes everywhere." He takes another spoonful of cereal.

"I didn't see a darkroom."

"We converted the hallway closet,” the agent explains. She watches the boy pull a small yellow film box out of his pocket, then frowns when she sees him grab a pen off one of the tables and scribble something over the back of the box.

“Can you develop this?” He asks Elliott, but before the man has a chance to respond the agent’s on her feet and snatching the box out of his hand. She frowns.

“Why’d you scratch over the date?”

“The date’s irrelevant,” he shoots back shortly.

“Okay, well, if it’s so irrelevant why don’t you want us to know what it is?” She quickly pulls the box behind her back when he makes a grab for it. She quirks a brow, but before she can say anything the box is pulled out of her grip.

“Hey!” she protests and whips around to see the boy holding the box. “If you don’t stop doing that we’re gonna have a problem.” She glares.

“Oh, I think we already have a problem,” he scoffs, before Elliott plucks the box out his hand and flips it around, munching thoughtfully.

“‘Frankel Footage,’” he reads. “Friends of yours?”

The boy sighs. “Look, can you do it or not?”

“Sure I can.”

“How long?”

“Well, I mean, I’m running low on acetic acid. Beeker’s Camera’s is open today, but it’s two miles away. I mean, I’d have to take the bu-”

“It’s five hours, give or take,” the agent says, cutting him short. She knows when Elliott’s going to go off on a tangent annoyingly well by now. She’s about to again ask him why he’s hiding the date on the footage from them, before a crackling on the (stolen) police scanner interrupts.

“Attention all units, we have a code 3-15 at the Holbrook Sanitarium,” a man's voice says over the radio.

“The hell is a code 3-15?”

“Fugitives on the run,” Elliott explains.

The radio man's voice continues. "Twenty five patients still at large.” The trio make their way closer to the radio, the agent reaching over to quickly fiddle with it until the voice comes across more clearly “Many are considered armed and dangerous."

“Oh, Diego,” the boy whispers.

“You said that name yesterday, too,” the agent points out. “Who is he?”

“Imagine Batman,” he puts his hand out flat, then lowers it considerably, “Then aim lower.” The agent snorts, quickly covering it with a cough.

The indistinct radio chatter continues as the boy continues. “You get started on that film, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Before either of them can ask just where he’s going, he’s once again gone with a blip.

“Is it too soon to be getting sick of that already?”

*

The agent sits in the middle of a pile of newspapers. Elliott was finishing up on the Frankel Footage, and she’d spent that morning trying to piece together just where the rest of the strangers in the alley were now located. Diego, the only one whose name she was now familiar with, was arrested and placed in the Holbrook Sanitorium, the same place with the mass fugitive escape that morning. The next two were easy to pin down; the first was one Allison Chestnut, a prominent civil rights activist, and the second was simply known as Klaus, leader of one of the largest cults that she’d heard of. The last two, the insanely huge man, and the small woman in white, were much harder to track down. In fact, she couldn’t even find anything on the woman, but the man was a bouncer at a nightclub owned by Jack Ruby. That couldn’t be good.

She’s just finished writing down the relevant information on a slip of paper when she hears the door click open as Elliott enters. She watches as he begins to set up the now-developed film. He catches her gaze and beckons her over before heading over to close the curtains

“Now let’s see what we’ve got here,” he says. The agent nods, and then the footage rolls to a start.

It opens to an elderly couple struggling to determine whether or not their camera is on before it begins to make some sense.

“I'm Dan Frankel, and-"

"I'm Edna Frankel."

"Edna Frankel. We are in Dallas, Texas to see the president. Today's date is November 22, 1963" 

"That’s six days from now!” Elliot says incredulously.

“Shit,” says the agent, as realization dawns on her. “Shit, I know what this is.” Elliott gives her a puzzled look.

“What? What is it?” Before she has a chance to reply, the sound of gunshots and screams break out through the film. Dan Frankel’s voice can be heard exclaiming, oh my God! The president!

Elliott’s face pales and he immediately turns to look at the agent. “What the hell was that? What the hell was that?” He gets up in a panic and as the agent rises to meet him he takes a stumbled step backwards. “You knew about this? You said you knew that what, that the president is going to be assassinated in six days?”

“Elliott, listen to me.” She holds her hands up placatingly. '' Yes, the president was- or, is going to be, assassinated and I knew that it happens but you’ve gotta understand. I mean just consider the years of history that happen afterwards. That was nearly 45 years ago in history for me! You can’t expect me to have remembered that And okay, I know about, so then what? What are we supposed to do about it? If we tell someone, the cops, anyone, they’ll think we’re threatening them. And even if we do something about this, and we manage to stop it, then are we just supposed to try to stop every single bad world event that we can? What happens then?” She finds herself out of breath as her words stumble to a stop and breathes in sharply.

“I-,” Elliott opens his mouth, then closes it. Then opens it again. “Look, I know you’re not a bad person, or a spy or anything like that, but you can’t expect me to not be a little skeptical at the moment!”

The agent sighs. “I know. I know, and I’m sorry, But it happens, and it’s not our fault. As bad as it sounds it’s a known historical event that just happens. I know what you’re thinking, but neither I nor that guy and his family are involved in it. It happened before I was born and sent back here, and it looks like it’s going to happen again now. As for the footage, I have no idea how he got that but again, none of us are involved.”

Elliott, still looking conflicted, though less so than moments before, sighs before taking a seat, dropping his head in his hands. “I-” He swallows before looking back up. “I believe you. You’ve been here for what, three years now, and you know how much I know too. You could have killed me for knowing any time. I just. It’s just a big shock.”

“Of course,” she replies immediately. “Of course, I know this is just ridiculous to hear. But I’m on your side here, and once that kid gets back we’ll ask him everything.” Elliott nods wordlessly. “Come one, I’ll make you a cup of coffee.”

*

It’s half an hour later when the sound of the front door of the shop opening catches their attention. Not a minute later there’s footsteps coming up the stairs and the agent heads over to check on who’s come. She’s unsurprised to see the boy, next to him a tall man with long, scraggly hair and an unkept beard (she assumes this is Diego, the escaped felon), but the sight of the next person her eyes land on makes her stop dead in her tracks. Lila.

Surprise flits across the agent’s face for only a split second before she schools her expression back into one of neutrality, maybe mild confusion. Lila, who looks considerably older since she’d last seen her, (nearly ten years older if she had to guess) looks unsurprised as well, and doesn’t say anything to her, though she does give her a cursory look

“Who’s this, five?” The man she figures is Diego asks. She scowls.

“Well I’m not sure how good your eyesight is but even then anyone can tell that I’m clearly not five. I’m twenty one, the same as what I’m going to assume your IQ is.”

While Diego looks annoyed, Lila bursts out a laugh and automatically holds up a hand for a high-five. The agent smiles softly and slaps her hand, hoping the gesture didn’t look as familiar as it felt.

The boy gives her an amused look, shaking his head before he says, “Five would be me. Though you’re right about my brother being less than intelligent.” The boy, Five (which, the agent thinks, is a pretty weird name), pointedly ignores Diego’s hey! Of protest. “And come to think of it, you still haven’t introduced yourself either.” He gives her an expectant look.

“Alright then, if you’re Five, you can call me Apeiron.” The smug feeling only lasts a second before Five, without missing a beat, replies.

“Huh. Well, while I can appreciate the use of ancient Greek, the language itself is actually derived from Sanskrit. If you want a truer version of Apeiron, I’d recommend Ananta.” He gives her an infuriatingly smarmy grin.

“From Final Fantasy?” Diego cuts in, confused.

“Final what?” Asks Elliott, then frowns. “Actually never mind, that’s not important. What is important, is just what the hell exactly it is that we saw on that footage and why you had it.”

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 33

[sees rewind cover] time to be emo

swerve giving us a nice lil recap of the wild events of slaughterhouse thus far

and then the roll call page...I love how the last one is ‘rewind?!?’

OUGHGHGGHGHGH REWIND TINYYYYYYYYYYYY

I adore that nautica has a list of in-jokes to check off 

ohhhh man I forgot that alt-lost light rewind doesn't really know skids?? bc the alt lost light never picked him up....

POOR REWIND he wakes up all elder scrolls style and then immediately autobot megatron is just There without explanation lmao this poor lil guy

love the casual gender stuff honestly

nightbeat: ayyyy rewind!! sup? what horrific slaughter happened here? spill the tea! 

hvakjdfbskdf poor rewind is going thru it jesus

nautica and riptide hvbhkjasdsfasdfn ‘are jokes not funny where you come from?’ immmmm

nautica is so cute I love her

ohhhhh I love the panel of the two lost lights going off in separate directions with the title right below 

‘I remember it well. kind of’ that's a really funny line actually hbvkdjfnasdfl

I really like how on the alt lost light, rodimus’s risky stunt with the sparkeater actually kills him - I mean I'm glad that didn't happen in the main story but that's such a cool jarring discrepancy 

ok but its inherently VERY funny that the djd like, murdered the entire lost light, but later in the story the lost lighters are obviously still around and not dead...that's so fucking funny, the djd were probably like ????????????????? what the fuck didn't we kill these guys?????? but also they were tripping so they cant be sure

isn't it brainstorm who called the djd on the alt lost light??? oof 

LOVE the continuity of the alt lost light being the place that the djd went at the end of the scavengers 2 parter wayyyy back in the beginning of s1

more horrific slaughter, as one would expect from an arc called ‘slaughterhouse’ 

jeeeesus I forgot how completely fucked up all the shit was for poor rewind 2. christ 

also the like, thematic irony of alt-chromedome refusing to erase rewind from his memory and choosing to die horribly instead....SCREAMS I cant handle it

ITS SO HORRIBLE I'm so sad. poor rewind

‘silly string’ I love riptide

nautica is so smart I lov her 

oooh skids going off on megatron is really good. I find the whole ‘cons are super anti-organic/alien life’ angle interesting, bc it like, Makes Sense that a race of robot aliens who live for millions of years wouldn't consider shorter-lived organic life to be on the same level as them, but its also like, not morally right, so the autobots are correct w/the whole ‘freedom is the right of all sentient beings’ thing...its LAYERED

rewind: ‘I'm tiny’

me, crying: yeah...

honestly I really really love the quantum duplication plot in this arc. its like, peak sci fi nonsense but it also like, Makes Sense, and is presented in a very understandable manner...plus its like, super entertaining and fun, so I just love it

love how they're perusing brainstorms lab and just stumble across a dead body. classic

aaaand the plot thickens, with the reveal that brainstorm is a decepticon????? whoaaaa

I love that twist too oh man. I cannot WAIT for the time travel arc yessss

oof nautica being in denial about brainstorm being a con :( 

I find it kinda funny that getaway is IMMEDIATELY like, punching walls and going full that-one-wack-storm-trooper-from-that-star-wars-movie abt brainstorm being a con lmao, like what's even ur beef dude

when nightbeat is all like, wait there's a Type™ for decepticon double agents? and megatron says ‘hm. have you never been approached?’ bvhjaskdfbaksfd

mannn tho, I love all the character stuff this issue...I love the panels of megatron where he looks mad and crushes brainstorms mask, bc like, he’s gotta be thinking abt the fact that the djd, his personal squad of bloodthirsty attack dogs, were the ones responsible for all of this, as well as overlords presence, and brainstorm secretly being a con....

ok rewind and megatrons interactions are fantastic

like, rewind IS the nice one, but the definition of ‘nice’ is probably a little different than it used to be due to Big Ole War 

how are they propelling themselves in space????

NOOOOOOO I'm so fucking sad, rewind 2 is literally like ‘I'm fine with being deleted from existence bc my husband and everything I knew is gone’ aughhhh

and then megatron lies and tells him that he and chromedome, on the og lost light, are ‘inseparable’ 😭😭😭 I mean I guess that's not a lie if you count cd rewatching rewinds goodbye video on loop...AUGHHH

‘let’s not drag out the goodbyes’ but rewind, what about one of the story’s themes, ‘how to say goodbye and mean it’? 

and we cut off right there for maximum suspense...

omg I love swerve like, fistbumping cyclonus in the chest, and cyclonus is just like ?

skids,,,,,maybe surprising chromedome with his not-so-dead alternate-version husband isn't the best idea...like, this isn't exactly a zero-explanation-necessary kinda situation...

I adore rewinds massive shoulder pads tbh

oh god. GODDDDD. the panels of rewind and chromedome sitting next to each other, not saying anything, and just slowly moving closer to each other while looking out at the stars....literally these gay robots invented romance, thank you very much

I'm so fucking tender guhhhhhhh

like,,,,the fact that both of them separately watched the other die horribly and could do nothing to stop it, and now they're reunited here, and they don't even need to say anything...AUGH.....

OUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm sorry I can’t. SO tender

and MANNNN I'm so so glad that rewind is back. I don't always love when characters don't stay dead but I'm completely happy w/it here for multiple reasons, like the fact that I really like rewind and chromedome’s story after this arc - like, I LOVE that they addressed the fact that rewind 2 is different from OG rewind, despite being fundamentally the same person, so he and cd cant just immediately get back together and pretend everything's fine, but also there's really only an 18 month (?i think) disparity between the 2 rewinds which is nothing compared to literal millions of years, soooo

ALSO I literally never considered this until this reread but it would've been kind of an L for rewind to die and stay dead considering that rewind and cd were The First transformers gay couple, and that's a really big deal! and I don't really consider it bury your gays bc like, rewind doesn't stay dead that long and also there are soooo many other gays, but STILL 

plus rewind and cd ended up having a lot of story left to get thru, which is awesome

also I just love rewind so I'm glad he’s back :) 

ok the fact that the suspense over brainstorm being a con still isn't resolved bc not everyone knows....spectacular tbh

don't knock the power of love, nightbeat! 

the briefcaseeeeeee

ok but I really don't remember jros explanation as to why rewind 2 and the briefcase didn't get deleted hvbhjsdkhfk I gotta go look that up again

OHHHHHHHHHH I FORGOT THE EPILOGUE IS THIS. OHHHHH MANNNNNN THIS IS ONE OF MY FAV PARTS 

BRAINSTORMMMMMMMMM ILYYYYYYYYY

I fucking love this scene bc this is basically the culmination of brainstorm being Completely Ominous for the entire story thus far, like, it really hit me this readthru that brainstorm was so totally sinister for like most of his screentime up until this arc...and this scene is the pinnacle, I love how everything brainstorm says is overlaid with so much tension for the reader bc of what we know now about him

like brainstorm saying ‘yes - here’s to fixing things’ is so fucking sinister even though out of context that sentence is just normal

and when atomizer basically voices what the entire audience is thinking as brainstorm opens the briefcase - ‘brainstorm, you can’t do that.’ bc yeah, what the hell, he’s opening THE briefcase, Oh Shit

AND THEN THE FINAL SHOT....brainstorm front and center looking SCARY AS HELL.... ‘I can do whatever the hell I like.’....everyone suddenly collapsed around him...the fantastic shadowy lighting...the ominously open briefcase...the clear segue Directly into the next high-concept arc....[chefs kiss] ART

seriously I love this issue so much. SO many good things. such good character stuff, really great interactions, some fantastic plot development, super creative sci-fi fun times...all around just an extremely solid and enjoyable issue, 10 outta 10

and MAN OH MAN I cannot wait to get into the elegant chaos arc, it fucking SLAPS, that arc and remain in light have always been my favs, I'm so excited to revisit it 

AND ruth bought the physical comic TPB for like issues 34-38 or something and I'm so so glad I can read that instead of braving the many split-up double page spreads on the online comic 

so yeah, cant wait!

[flandesuka]

Yo you should answer all of these scene questions👀👀

:OOO

you think so lad???? shit dawg i was thinkin just a few at a time but if that what u want my dear nonnie i will supply

1. wats ur scene name?

i was thinkin maybe ‘gods mistake’ would be a good one but then. i found a way to make it both danganronpa related, and, even better, a fucking pun as well. ‘kamukura kamukura jasqueen’, or just ‘kamukura jasqueen’ for short is good k thxxx

2. describe ur dream outfit!

oooo gosh this ones trickyy!! there are so many good outfits out there, especially in the scene community!! but it’d have to have a few tiny elements of dr cosplay to add a lil of my dangan-weeb culture in there ofc! more specifically, id really love to get one of kazuichis jumpsuit and just wig out and add shit like this just because i could:

(id just rlly love going out in all those glowy/shiny things at night like all that haha..and yes the shoes would probably kill me/my fuckin feet if i tried to walk in them but shut up i love them theyre cute as fuck)

3. describe ur dream haircut!

oo another tricky one!! i do like my regular hair, and honestly id be lying if i said i didnt love ibuki’s hairdo too but id defs have to go with something like this!!

yaaaassss, so pretty and spikeeeey! maybe id dye my natural hair colour black and/or add some funky colours if i ever actually got this style down!

4. describe ur dream room!

i have a lot of ideas for dream bedrooms actually, but heres a visual image of one of them i found!!!

MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM

(this specific idea arose mainly just for the aesthetic but i also find it super cute and a good environment to be in general hhhnnggg)

5. if u could make anything out of kandi, wat would u make?

oh you mean those colourful beads and bracelet things??? i love those man!!! theyre so visually appealing to me aaaaa…id probably just make a fuck-ton of those and most probably use the little letter beads to say random words/phrases like ‘aubergine’ and ‘despacito’ knowing my shitposter self lmaooo! id definitely make a sansmaeda themed one too thoo fr

6. wat would u write on ur shoez?

it’d probably range from things like a simple kaomoji doodle to something randum and stupid like ‘seesaw’ bc yes asjnd

7. wat kinda piercingz/tattooz do u hav/want?

i dont think i rlly want any real piercings (at least not atm) but id totally go for those fake stick-on gemstone lookin’ ones! and as for tattoos, i cant rlly see myself gettin one of those rn either, but id want something like a mario power-up, preferably the bell one/cat suit powerup!!! its my favorite powerup and its sooo cute!!!

8. fave genrez?

i dont rlly have a specific genre, i like most kinds of music, but i rlly like energetic music that i can dance tooo!!! >w

9. fave bandz?

im a big fan of gorillaz and botdf!!! i like p!atd as well but havent listened to it in a while.. gatta catch up loool

10. fave songz?

my favs alternate a lot, but atm im super into ‘slow dancing in the dark’ by joji!!! so much emotiooon quq…also rlly hooked on botdf and jefree star’s ‘sexting’ tooo lmaooo

11. fave lyricz?

‘The world keeps spinning Among this sinning Oh what a cruel and disgusting place The purest moonlight Is bloodied by plight And screaming resonants But somehow I know That it’s all for show The world will reveal it’s true beauty soon And we’ll all reach towards the moon ‘

its so deep but its from a fucking kaito momota fansong and i love that asnkjdnefe

12. hav u evr been to a concert?

not in a damn long while my lad,, rip australians not havin many artists they like from other countries tour there ;-;

13. do u wanna be in a band?

ive always thought thatd be pretty cool ngl!!! tourin around with ur bandmate friends, makin awesome fuckin tunes, people lovin u and ur music, just livin the dream in general,, nice

14. wats da best soda/energy drink flavour?

havent rlly had any as of rn  my lad so i wouldnt know :/

15. wat do u miss most abt old internet?

i loved that we could all just be ourselves and act like the kids we are inside without bein reprimanded at all.. it aint rlly that much of an issue for me but i still think itd be a lot nicer if it was like that again sometimes,,

16. wats da best old meme?

ooohhh there are so many i still miss man! numa numa ermagerd and doge still remind me of the glory days…when old animeme was good and you could still haz ur cheezburgers in peace. also rage comics! rage comics were good what happened

17. best place 2 buy clothez?

i dont think theres any hot topics in australia but if there is. i will hunt it down you hear me

18. wat r ur fave accessoriez?

OH THERES SO MANY GOOD ONES??? as i stated b4 i rly love kandi bracelets and other glowy/led things!!! also rlly love ties with cute and fun patterns and long colourful and/or ripped socks like ibuki’s too hehe

19. wats ur best tip fr ppl that just got into scenecore?

im not rlly the best at advice, but my main point would be-just hav fun here dudes!!! dont let anyone else bulli u abt it, we’re supportive people, u can talk to me or anyone else whos willin to listen an/or help for reassurance ofc

20. opinion on furbiez?

oOH MY GOD YES. FURBIES. MY BABIES I WANT 10 OF THESE CHILDREN…I ACTUALLY HAVE A FURBY HE LIKES SLEEPING IN HIS SPECIAL DRAWER AND HIS NAME IS TINGLE I ADORE HIM I’LL POST A OF PICTURE LATER MAYBE

21. opinion on funko popz?

i like em and ive seen lots at eb games, but i dont buy em much..i do have a megaman pop with a broken arm tho loool

22. wats ur fave pattern? (zebra/leopard print etc)

i looove a lot of patterns but not gonna lie im always a sucker for rainbow checkerboard patterns yknow hehe!

23. fave color combo?

i dont have one rlly…soooo many possible comboooos…cx

24. sumthing u liked as a kid dat u still like?

im still going on girlsgogames and recently, ive finally mastered sues beauty machine!!!! its so good and fun all of ya’ll should try it my dudeeees

25. wats ur most used emoticon? 0w0

as most of ya’ll probs alredy know i spam ‘:O’ a lot, but one of my bigger favs is actually ‘x3′ and my fav kaomoji is ‘ଘ(੭ˊ꒳​ˋ)੭✧’ (both of them are so kyooot >w

26. wats ur fav typin quirk?

i luv talkin like dis, but i dont rly do it that often loool…i awso wuv tawking in ‘owo’ speak wike dis >//w//>

27. do u wish ur fllwrz talked 2 u moar?

hellz yeaaa!!! i luv followr interaction my dudee! it makes me super happi when u all talk to me heehee! x3c

28. tag ur fave scene blawgz!

:O !!! oh gawd!!! i dont know many atm but heeereee!

@xxadam-antidotexx (op of the ask meme)

@glitchkichi (not sure if this counts but their stuff’s rlly cool >v

@otonashi-banana (scene boyf…wuv im more than anythin >///w///>

29. wat got u into scenecore?

i dont remember exactly how it happened but i’d always sorta wanted to go back to the glory days that was the old web and the scene era, and that, coupled with a bright, colourful aesthetic that i could really enjoy, drew me in like a moth to a neon colored flame ig looollll

30. how long hav u been scene?

i’ve only been officially apart of the community for about a few months now (at time of writing) i reckon so some things are still a lil new to me ig ^^;;

31. wats da best thing abt being scene?

the freedom of bein able to express myself 4 one thing, and its just so fun being so ‘out-there’ yknow???? it feels so great really

32. do u hav a fursona?

i…actually used to but ive moved on from the furry fandom and ive grown more attached to my human sona anyway sooo :/

33. r u in sum “cringy” fandomz?

YEA man!! i dont rlly think dr is inherently considered ‘cringey’ but undertale is and im in that one for sure!!! i also kinda technically never left the skylanders fandom(?) so theres that too ig??? oh yeah and who wants to let me draw my old moshi monsters characters COWARDS

34. do u liek plushiez?

YASSSS QUEEEN!!!! i have HEAPS of them in my room on my desk with my gonta shrine

35. do u liek stickerz?

also a big yaaassss from me dawggg!!! i love them and i love those ones that you stick on your fase like this!

its so cuuute!!!

36. do u hav a friendproject?

i dont, not at the moment a least, actually! didnt even know what it was til recently but it looks kewl haha

37. do u hav any other scene account?

well, i haz this one, and i also have an emowire account for shuichi if that counts!!

38. do u make art? (drawingz, blingeez, etc.)

YES!!! i love to draw and i also make blingee edits sometimes!!! ITS SO FUN XD !!!

39. wats da most scene thing? (anything!)

hmmm, weeell…i think the most stereotyped thing would be that kewl, suuuper big hair like this;

its really prettyyyy, and i love all that colouuur!!!

40. ask ur own randum question!!

hm, oh wowie, since the anon didnt specifically ask this one…POTATOES!!! X3

phew, finally done, that was a lot of typing! this was so fun to do though, so thank u nonnie!!! :3

[eloquenceassassinated]

Super Late Captain Marvel Review!

By the time you read this, Carol Danvers will probably be out of theaters, but I had to share my thoughts anyway in case anyone was still on the fence about getting the Redbox or catching it on Netflix. With all the drama surrounding the movie, is Captain Marvel really worth the watch?

No spoiler review:

It’s a good movie! As an origin story, Captain Marvel excels at getting even a casual like me up to speed with the space politics and a plot with its fair share of big twists. I watched the film at a drive-in, so some of the scenes were a bit too dark to see what was going on, but the final battle is a gorgeous and entertaining blast of color and explosions. See GIF above. People have already raved about the 90s aesthetic, and I have to say that it really does add that charm of a simpler time. Classic songs will get you bouncing in your seat, humor hits the notes it has to, and the plot was twisty enough to keep my inner analyst happy for days.

I’ve heard some reviews saying that Brie Larson only phoned in her role as Carol Danvers. While it’s true that there were some points I could tell were supposed to be “dramatic” or “impactful” and Brie kinda killed it with a flat delivery, for the most part, I feel like her acting was solid. I felt for Carol, and I empathized with her struggles and cheered with her exhilaration when she finally succeeded at the end. She carried the theme of self-discovery well enough to get even me, the skeptic, to connect with her character by the end.

Now for the elephant in the room. What about the feminist message? I’m pleased to report that it’s not the center focus. Rather, the message of the movie is about discovering who you are, getting back up even when you fall, and the strength of human beings, something that we can all relate to. That’s not to say that the “Carol is a girl and girls are strong” moments aren’t a little heavy-handed when they appear, but they usually go as soon as they come. Most of the moments of Carol being demeaned for being a girl are relegated to flashbacks that serve as backstory, like Batman’s parents dying. They’re integral to her character, sure, but her aim is not to “tear down the patriarchy and show those evil men what for”—actually, she has some great team-ups with wonderful male characters around her—her aim is to do the right thing, no matter who tries to stand in her way.

Long story short, Captain Marvel is a good movie. Most powerful superhero—eh? But she blows stuff up good, and you’ll connect with her, and that’s what makes her punching a spaceship really worth it. It’s yet to be seen whether you’ll miss any crucial lore in Avengers: Endgame if you miss Captain Marvel, but I suspect you'd lose out on the opportunity to connect with Carol as a person before she faces off with the giant alien space prune.

Now. Ready for spoilers? Hit the button.

THEY DIDN’T KILL THE GOOD ALIEN DAD!! Okay, sorry, just had to get that off my chest. I was really afraid they would kill Talos in front of his daughter and I was so prepared to be angry. But he lived and was wearing a grey hoodie and eating dinner with his family by the end of the movie and that makes me happy. Talos lives, you guys! It’s all good.

It was wonderful to see Coulson and Fury looking young and spry in the earlier days of S.H.I.E.L.D. Coulson’s little pompadour! He had hair! Whatever they did to make Clark Gregg and Samuel L. Jackson look younger was seamless, and I forgot to question how they did it until after the movie. The friendship that Fury and Carol develop through the movie was also delightful. They too, like Steve and Nat in CA:TWS (cough best movie) have a funny and sweet conversation in a car that sells this unlikely friendship.

Fantastic set design. The Blockbuster made me feel like I was back in my childhood. I’m still trying to parse out what happened to the Tessaract exactly, but that’s okay. I loved the twist that the Kree chose Carol’s new name based off of the surviving fragment of her dog tag. I like that Captain Marvel’s colors were chosen by Monica, and that the name itself is a tribute to the scientist who died trying to right the wrongs of her people. 

Plenty of fans have compared Carol’s backstory to both Steve Rogers’ and Bucky Barnes’, and for good reason. Like Steve, she clawed tooth and nail to get into the military and was belittled every step of the way. Like Bucky, she was brainwashed and forced to fight for the wrong side (just, arguably, with less body horror involved). I have another parallel: a girl bromance, between Carol and Maria! That’s a first, and a delightful one at that. Is Carol as high a fav of mine as Steve and Bucky, then? Hm....nah. But what can I say, I’m biased.

Speaking of which, Maria’s role needs a mention all of its own. While Brie’s performance was passable if occasionally lacking, and the big names like Jackson and Gregg of course pulled their weight, the character of Maria Rambeau is the only one that I felt was a real, breathing person every second she was on screen. Lashana Lynch knocked it out of the park bringing every minute emotion of this character to life, simultaneously a mother and a pilot and an overwhelmed and grieving person just seeing her best friend come back from the dead. Her performance was one I didn’t expect to fall in love with, but I did, and I just feel like Lashana deserves more praise for it.

And of course, the real story behind how Fury lost his eye really makes me chuckle. Hey, he didn’t lie when he said the last time he trusted someone, he lost an eye.

So, did I like Captain Marvel? Yes. Is it worth all the drama? Not really. Do you forget about that when Carol is whooping and hollering and punching spaceships like tin cans? Yes, yes you do. Like I said, she blows stuff up good, and I look forward to seeing her in Avengers: Endgame.

That’s it. Peace out!

[yumikoflare]

wowie this is a loooong meme - thanks for the tag @wildricebear more like wild loser bear...........

Rules: Answer all questions and tag 20 people. (putting it under the cut bc it’s 100+ questions!)

1. What is your nickname? i go by yumi! my rl nickname has the same amount of letters 🤔

2. What is your zodiac sign? aqua sun / scorp moon

3. What is your favorite book series? not gonna lie i havent read any book series in a looong time but my fav manga series is fukigen na mononokean!

4. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? ofc, i believe in both!

5. Who is your favorite author? errr i honestly don’t have one ahaha but sunrisesongs has some reaaaally nice poetry if that counts

6. What is your current favorite song? rn i’m a huuuge fan of kenshi yonezu’s suna no wakusei, namely the soramafu cover!

7. What is your favorite word? uhh don’t have one.. but the word ‘warmth’ has always struck a chord in me?

8. What was the last song you listened to? i think it was ra ra rasputin b/c someone at band was playing it on his phone LOL

9. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? i don’t watch tv oops  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ can’t think of anime recs either smhhh

10. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? i don’t watch movies if i’m feeling down but i remember enjoying the intern?

11. Do you play video games? mmm a little bit.. i play overwatch and sometimes osu and ive played a couple of mmorpgs here and there 

12. What is your biggest fear? losing my purpose and passion

13. What is your best quality, in your opinion? i’m a good friend! i think that counts

14. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? my lack of patience and intolerance to trials

15. What is your favorite season? winter!!!!!!

16. Are you in a relationship? nah

17. What is something you miss from your childhood? honestly? i don’t miss much in particular from my childhood other than that Sweet Naive Bliss™ because things have been getting better in my life since then so

18. Who is your best friend? nizh, swirl, mari, gil, noah, sam, laura, kayla come to mind

19. What is your eye color? dark brown

20. What is your hair color? dark brown

21. Who is someone you love? all my friends...........

22. Who is someone you trust? the friends i listed earlier!!!

23. Who is someone you think about often? honestly as of recently myself bc im working on bettering myself LOL but other than that, i think of noah kinda often?

24. Are you currently excited about/for something? uuuuhhhh not particularly

25. What is your biggest obsession? currently overwatch

26. What was your favorite TV show as a child? probably spongebob aldsakdsla

27. Do you have any unusual phobias? mmmmmm not sure but my anxiety makes a lot of small things scary so

28. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? both!!!!

29. What is your favorite hobby? honestly not sure... i like writing but recently i’ve been very into photo and video editing so!!!

30. What was the last book you read? probably the hiding place

31. What was the last movie you watched? goosebumps i think? watched it at home w/ my mom bc she hadnt seen it before

32. What musical instruments do you play, if any? [[[the sound of me, panicked, aggressively slamming my mallets into a timpani can be heard in the distance]]]

33. What is your favorite animal? dogs.... i love dogs

34. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? hm i rly like yamiiino, kaiami, tofuvi, star-plasma, and zandraart!

35. What superpower do you wish you had? healing factor!!!

36. When and where do you feel most at peace? idk, whenever really, surrounded in my closest friends; either that or doing something i love alone

37. What makes you smile? my friends...... also getting praised......

38. What sports do you play, if any? FUNNY JOKE i cant sports

39. What is your favorite drink? hell....... i love lots of different types of teas (black, green, jasmine, honey, etc) and im also a sucker for matcha... and i also like ice blended drinks... and (virgin bc im underage) mojitos.... and smoothies.......... fdgkjkdf i love drinks a lot ok

40. Are you afraid of heights? yes 10000%

41. What is your biggest pet peeve? close-mindedness and intolerance to other ppl/ideas/etc + having to waste resources

42. Have you ever been to a concert? only one! was a mayday parade concert earlier this year

43. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? like everything LOL a singer and an author were prob my biggest ones tho

44. What fictional world would you like to live in? HONESTLY the fukigen na mononokean world would be cool to live in... 

45. What is something you worry about? i simultaneously really like and dread band asdlsakdas

46. Are you scared of the dark? yup orz

47. Do you like to sing? heck yea!!!! singing is so good.....

48. Have you ever skipped school? no bc im a goody two-shoes™ 

49. What is your favorite place on the planet? i dunno! i don’t have one! the world’s so big there’s so many places i still have yet to go!!!

50. Where would you like to live? honestly idk i’m happy with where i am now LOL

51. Do you have any pets? i wish......... i want a doggo so bad but my sister and i are allergic

52. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? i don’t feel like either but i’m closer to a night owl

53. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? both..... the sky is a goddess and im in love with her.....

54. Do you know how to drive? i’m an anxious minor who is too afraid to get near the wheel LOL

55. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones bc earbuds always fall outta my ears and its a Pain

56. Have you ever had braces? nope B)

57. What is your favorite genre of music? ummmmm i don’t have a fav bc i’m kinda flexible but i like alt rock? and j-rock/j-pop?

58. Who is your hero? to be completely honest idk if i have one LOL im my own hero™ B))))

59. Do you read comic books? nah

60. What makes you the most angry? probably the same as #41 as well as like myself?? bc i get frustrated with myself v often and that concept makes me angry asdsa;ldas

61. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? nizh wrote “i like real books but i’m so lazy that i’m more likely to read digital” and i am in agreement

62. What is your favorite subject in school? errrrrrrrr i suppose la? but i’m abt to enter some new classes and learn under totally new teachers so idk it’s bound to change!

63. Do you have any siblings? ye, one older sister

64. What was the last thing you bought? a flowy cardigan from yesterday!!!! im lov it.... i might post a pic of it

65. How tall are you? 5′1′’ and 3/8 sdfkjsdijeiwjeje

66. Can you cook? yo i wish..................

67. What are three things that you love? my friends, music, food/drinks LOL

68. What are three things that you hate? same as #41 and a third thing would prob be conflict?? idk

69. What is your sexual orientation? as far as i know i experience no sexual attraction (asexual) and i experience romantic attraction to anyone and everyone (panromantic) so!

70. Where do you currently live? socal

71. Who was the last person you texted? probably nizh

72. When was the last time you cried? mmmm maybe a week or two ago... i cant recall exactly when so thats good

73. Who is your favorite YouTuber? oooohhh.. im super mainstream but i love arikadou LOL also zylbrad, seagull, and etika

74. Do you like to take selfies? i do! i usually only take selfies like every once in awhile when im feeling cute and when i do i take A Lot

75. What is your favorite app? i lov line camera?? also google photos makes things mucho convenient

76. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? tbh i find my relationship with my parents to be closer than a lot of my friends’ so :0

77. What is your favorite foreign accent? i dunno! french accents are pretty cool

78. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? japan! also the philippines

79. What is your favorite number? idk but i like 5 and 8

80. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? both freak me out but the ocean is pretty interesting

81. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? not in the slightest LOLOL

82. Are you allergic to anything? intolerant to eggs, pretty allergic to any type of nuts so that sucks, n i got those Seasonal Allergies

83. Can you wiggle your ears? NO I HAVENT READ HARRY POTTER

84. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? umm idk how often LOL whenever i think im wrong..?? which is somewhat frequently?

85. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? forests are lovely

86. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? honestly idk......... i remember my dad said smth about how you don’t always have to forgive everyone and by saying ‘it’s okay’ permits the other person to repeat the same action, so i choose my words rly carefully now bc of that :o

87. Are you a good liar? kinda half n half... depends on what i’m lying abt

88. What is your Hogwarts House? iiiiii forgot but it was either ravenclaw or hufflepuff... mightve been the former

89. Do you talk to yourself? YEAH especially when i’m practicing music or video editing

90. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert

91. Do you keep a journal/diary? as of very recently yes bc my therapist recommended me to do so :0

92. Do you believe in second chances? usually in most circumstances

93. Do you believe that people are capable of change? oh yeah definitely, anyone is capable of change, it just depends on their attitude towards it

94. Are you ticklish? yes i hate it

95. Have you ever been on a plane? yep, to san francisco and sacramento and i guess once to texas but that was before i could remember so

96. Do you have any piercings? nope and i don’t rly want any tbh

97. What fictional character do you wish was real? i have nooo idea there’s a lot of thought i’d have to put into this question LOL

98. Do you have any tattoos? nah but if i did they’d be veeeery simplistic

99. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? probably when i decided 1-2 years ago that i wanted to get my life back on track so i could become a person i could love and ive been making progress little by little ever since then

100. Do you believe in karma? mmmmm not reaaallyyyy..... like maybe a little bit but

101. Do you wear glasses or contacts? its ya girl almost legally blind and wearing contacts

102. Do you want children? not sure yet but probably

103. Who is the smartest person you know? no clue omg there are lots of smart ppl in this world

104. What is your most embarrassing memory? sometime in grade school i was sitting at the edge of a playground slide pleading for my friend not to push me down bc i rly had to pee but she did and i literally just pissed all over the slide and we just stared at each other for a long time and that was just........ Very Bad - I HAVE ANOTHER BAD MEMORY THOUGH it wasnt even long ago kill me??? i was at my friend’s house for dinner and her parents asked what my sister was studying and my sister just recently got into college and i had a veeeeeeeery vague grasp on what she was studying so i literally said ‘food and tectonics’ and i wanNA MCDIE BC I MEANT DIETETICS NOT T E C T O N I C S

105. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? mmm not a real one.. most ive done is stayed up til 6amish with nizh before goin to sleep  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like i’m definitely capable of doing it i just don’t want to

106. What color are most of your clothes? dunno? i have a fairly colorful wardrobe but i almost always wear something w/ black if i’m not going for an all light outfit

107. Do you like adventures? depends on where to bc im very cautious LOL

108. Have you ever been on TV? nope

109. How old are you? how old is ur moM!! dab dab haha xd

110. What is your favorite quote? one of my favs is “there are no happy endings, endings are the saddest part, so just give me a happy middle and a very happy start” by shel silverstein; i have a few others but thats the first that comes to mind

111. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory tbhhhh

112. Have your friends ever badly disapponted you? umm not badly but ive been mildly disappointed by a few LOL

113. What is your favorite scent? that clean/fresh linen smell?? and also lavender and then light stuff like eucalyptus mint

114. Random fact you know? the duck-billed platypus can’t keep its eyes open underwater, so it finds its prey by using sensors in its bill that detect electrical impulses n then they strike! theyre pretty cool animals..

115. What is your opinion on long distance relationships? nizh said “hard. just, really hard. not sure if it’s worth it” and i also agree

IT IS OVER wow ok 20 ppl is kind of a lot and this is a loooot of questions so im only gonna tag a tiny bit of ppl (dont have to do it if u dont wanna!): @dunmerhealer | @aftertaste-of-memes | @inspiringnokias yeah that’s it LOL this is just Hella Long so idk how many ppl would be up for doin this so ye  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

[inspirationallyinsane]

July 9th 2018

Tumblrrrrr :D It's me. Your fav. I'm so good. Yes. So good. My life is incredibly full and I'm a full ass person and it's cool. I'm not going to lie though, I haven't put myself in a position for disappointment for a while. Not since Vince. I wasn't sure if I would. I'm not sure if I want to. And obviously Vince was a whole lot more than disappointment. But! Similar. Heartbreak is just like, exaggerated disappointment. You feel loss? Waste? Sadness? It's interesting, I think. I've only been truly heartbroken twice in my life. Lmao I did not set out to write about this but I guess we're going to. Um. And both of those times I think that I almost enjoyed it in a strange way. I remember after Vince just dipped tf out I was so completely broken that the whole world seemed different. I was watching it happen, but not living in it. I wasn't present for shit. It was like a quasi-death. A part of me died and was watching the rest of me function and be a person, but in reality? I was not a full person. I was half a person, half watching things happen, half experiencing things. And then!!! There were moments when suddenly that part of me re-entered my body?? My soul?? And the colors were bright again. Brighter than they ever had been. The most beautiful moments I have ever known. It was very similar with Austin but the difference was that I was not present for a lot longer after him. I dipped out for a solid two years after Austin. Well. Until I met Vince. And that was not good. I was not good. Somehow I have learned how to fix myself. I learned how to escape the lie and keep myself present. It's neat. 3 months? It only took 3 months. I can do anything for three months. So. What is heartbreak to me now? What is the risk? What is the sadness, really? I thought my love died to him, I thought he had won, beat me. He had swung his sword enough, finally slayed me. But I was wrong af. I have never been happier and healthier than I am now. Last night was fun. It was a good time. Yesterday was incredible. My song did well for its first day. I got a lot more listens than I did on any of my others when I first released them. And chocolate texted me about it :) I'm not sure how interested in pursuing that I am at this point. It was fun writing the song and the lyrics are fun but in reality? I'm really leaning more towards the "no" side at this point. I was in a different situation when I wrote that, when I met him. And he's fun and I don't doubt that it would be fun. I do hope to see him again before I can't again. But. There's no sure things about what will happen. I like things to develop kinda naturally and smoothly. I don't wanna force anything. Just cuz I write a song about sucking some dude's dick, doesn't mean I necessarily will. And I actually had a lot of other people text me about it too!!! All good things!!! No bad feedback on this one. Genuinely I am shocked. I got soooo much shit for my other songs. Like. So much. And some of it was dumb shit, like this kid from my youth group left a comment on one of my songs and it was about how one of my lyrics was "wrong" but it just went over his head a bit. And so now I kinda laugh about it, but I'm so hungry for every single person's praise and love that at the time it was hurtful!! I was like??? Wtf. Why did you feel the need to say that on my soundcloud? I see you every week you weirdo? I could've explained the lyric to you, and then neither of us look bad. Could've saved both of us embarrassment. But no. You just had to go and do that. Idiot. "Idiot" is one of my favorite things to say now. Just how Dwight says it in the office. Dwight is the cutest. He's my fav. We're similar, I think. Obviously he is a character, and in many ways, I am too, just not as violent, perhaps. Haha. But driven and excitable and unsure and sensitive. I am easily messed with. Idk. People tell me I'm like Dwight. Who tf knows. Anyway. So yes, my song release was a success. And my picture didn't get taken down from insta! Which is awesome. I like it a lot. I look hella fine. I always look fine tho. Let's be real. Umm and then the rest of my day was very nice too :) Significantly better than expected for sure. Not that I exactly thought it wouldn't be good. I knew, to some extent, as I usually do with these things. But. 11 hours is a long time to spend with someone. I don't do that often. If ever? Have I ever? 11 hours. I think the last time I did that was when I went to Bandon with Scott. When I was 16. Woah. That's crazy to think about. I mean, I guess it's not super normal. People don't do that. They should though, maybe. It's fun. It's nice. I'm not sure how much I should say. I like to talk/write about things, in depth. However, that isn't always smart. Not always a good idea. Sometimes, it's a good idea to keep your feelings all up inside of you. And it's about 50/50 with my judgement calls on these sorts of things. Like Chocolate? I was concerned that might be a bit much, and it turned out fine. Better than fine. The response was good. But like when I wrote about shit with Zach I did not expect such an aggressively upset response. So. Wtf do I know, really? Ok. So. Here's the thing. I'll just say this. And it's going to be difficult and upsetting for me not to say a whole lot more. But I'm not going to. I have a lot of thoughts, and a lot of things going on inside of my head. And I'm not sure if I'm putting myself in a good situation, I'm not sure if I trust the situation. And yet, as I tend to do, I will trust the situation and let the things happen to me and see what happens. End of story. Also!!! I started writing another song today!!! That's exciting. I've never jumped into a new one so soon after I released one. I'm happy with how this one is going too. I have a chorus and the first verse. Kinda pounded that shit out in about ten minutes. I was inspired. I think I'm going to call it Bury, Bloom. Some of you, well, like two of my readers may know what I'm referencing there. Lmao. I don't tend to write things to or for or about people that I know they will never read/listen to. But I believe this is one of those times. She won't ever see this or hear this. Unless things change dramatically. But I'm a pussy and so they won't. Oh well. Here's a thing that I have been thinking about; I think that identifying the line of events in life is really important. I wrote a little bit about this a few months ago but I haven't really been able to get it out of my head. I think this might connect to the meaning thing. And maybe that is why my subconscious (?) is telling me it is important. I'm having to start with myself. From the beginning. This thing led to this thing and then this and that, so on and so forth until every passing second. Endlessly. Until I die. Um. But it's like, every single person, every single thing, every single thought, has influenced my actions which create who I am today. Similarly, I have had a part in creating a part of everything around me, things that are inconceivable to me. Actions I have taken, actions I have not, all of it. Indecision is decision in itself. Stagnation is an action. How does it tie into meaning? I don't know. I gotta think about that. The machine. The machine though! I'm a part in the machine and the machine would function differently if I functioned differently. Ok. Ok. So if the machine can, certainly can, function differently and "produce" different things, then it must!!! It must be producing for a reason. Why though? What reason? What is the production for? I've been thinking about the refrigerator thing a lot too. That little gift of a metaphor that Benadryl gave me. So. Here's how I see it, right? The multiverse exists. Right? Almost definitely. There is a "universe", a time, in which matter doesn't exist. Matter, energy, none of it exists. There is no refrigerator at all. It isn't even about whether someone is using it or watching it or appreciating it, it simply isn't there. And you have to think of it this way, perhaps: A home, a universe, in which a fridge never existed would not miss the fridge because it does not know the fridge. But! If a home that already had a fridge all of a sudden did not have one, there would be a noticeable difference. If! Time were different, if TimeTM were to suddenly break, as we know it to be, the machine could cease. SO! Since the machine exists at all, and there is a lack of machines as well, the machine existing in the first place must mean something. It must have purpose. It has to. Because otherwise it just wouldn't exist. Why though. That's the thing. I can't outrun all the "why though"s. It's endless with these sorts of things and I could throw it right back but I don't like to argue like that. Why though? Is a valid question, and I would like to know. So you know what?? I will take your why though and turn it into a solid answer. I've progressed quite a bit over just the last few weeks even. Hm. Maybe if I can tie the two things I just talked about together that might get me even further. Fuck Kant. He can't kill philosophy for me. I'll know the shit you glorified con man. Nice job killing the conversation, you garbage person. I like most philosophers, no lie. But Kant? Socrates? Assholes. No good. Not worth their salt. That's what I say. Plato?? Wayy better than Socrates. 100%. Socrates can suck me. Anyway. I'll get really upset if I keep writing about Socrates. Lord knows. Tumblr. Thank you for giving me a place to put my ramblings :) y'all are wonderful. I know a lot of people only follow me for my selfies cuz they're a little slutty and sexual like 90% of the time, but I don't really care. Maybe the reason doesn't matter as much as the existence of it at all :p lol. Look at that. Life is cool. I love being alive. It's funny because I've been thinking recently I might die. Because that would be so ironic. I think that would be a little funny. Not in a "haha she died" sorta way but it's like, I have always wanted to die. Since the moment I was old enough to have real feelings. 13? Probably. I have seriously considered suicide for years and years and years. I've felt dead, at least in part, a majority of my quasi-adult life. And now I do not. For the first time ever. For the first time I am excited to wake up, I'm excited to think, I'm excited to be me. I'm excited for my future. I think it'd be really ironic if I died rn. Like the kind of irony that I would wanna write about. I think if I were about to die right now I'd be really disappointed I couldn't write a poem about it. I'd be a mad ghost. Someone better write about the irony of my death if I die. Ya know?? Ok. I haveee to try to sleep. Again, thanks for listening Tumblr. Hopefully I will be able to write more specifically about many things, soonish. Goodnight, until next time :D