#hissin pete

[browniefox]

Oughgh... For the Paranatural request. Max and the Sphinx of Vows :]??

Instructions unclear, just drew Max with his whole crew <3

[incorrectpnatquotes]

[Hissin' Pete is huddling in the corner of Max's room.] Max: *trying to be nicer to others* I know... life can be hard sometimes. PJ: No, his life's good! He just likes that corner. [Hissin' Pete gives a thumbs-up.]

[not-that-max]

Hmmm so pj and lefty don't stay anywhere long.... I wonder if it's perhaps because lefty is avoiding a certain someone who keeps buying up businesses all around town... And oh brought hissin' Pete to be an early warning system if he finds them... Perhaps...

[paranaturalpop]

HE RETURNS!!!!!!!!

[pnatreactionpicoftheweek]

[somethingfishysgoingon]

I am still thinking about him... This little ghost lad makes me so happy...

[knavewoods]

spiritgeddon

[gay-jesus-probably]

What's up fam does anyone want to hear my new theories on Paranatural JUST KIDDING YOU'RE GETTING THEM ANYWAYS

Okay so first things first: of all the medium's we've met so far, I think that Isaac and Johnny are the only normal ones. And also maybe Walker? Cause during the flashback at the start of Chapter 7 he uses his mute powers with his bare hands, and doesn't seem to use a tool to fight. It'd explain why his flashback aesthetic is so aggressively 70's even though the flashback is set in the early 00's and his usual style is 'cowboy' - makes sense if his flashback look is a symptom of possession.

...That's not the point. Flashback Walker being a medium is completely unrelated to this.

Anyways.

When Possessed Max was threatening Doorman in ch 3, the Doorman immediately identified it as 'a broken god'. Given that the spirit mentions it "didn't end up with the sense of humor", the broken part is probably very literal. Then later on while talking with Nin, Doorman says that Max is "unaware that he carries one of the s-". While the last word is cut off, my guess is it's the start of a number, and refers to how many pieces the Broken God is in.

So that leaves us with three major questions: 1. What is the Broken God and why is it broken? 2. Where are the fragments? 3. What do they want?

Under the read more, because this is 3k words and I’m not an animal.

What is the Broken God, and why is it broken?

While it was whole, the Broken God was a terrifyingly powerful entity with apocalyptic levels of power. It might have been a spirit all along, or it could have started as something else entirely. If that's the case, then the act of breaking might have 'killed' it, turning the fragments into spirits. Whether it was originally a spirit or not, it couldn't be destroyed completely, but being shattered left the fragments weakened and gave the rest of the world a chance against it. It's possible that it hadn't done anything to warrant being attacked, and it was just shattered out of fear of what something that powerful might do, but I think it's more likely it was a very active threat that needed to be brought down.

So who broke it?

Ron Swanson; it burned his hand so he punched it

Bad jokes aside, I think something that powerful would push the Godzilla threshold enough to make a lot of groups put aside their differences to bring it down. Judging by what we've heard about them so far, I assume that early versions of the Cousinhood of Man and Paranatural Activity Consortium were involved. The two organizations might have actually been founded in response to the crisis, or were originally a single group that had a schism after. I don't think it was just them, but I do think the Cousinhood and Consortium were major players in the whole mess.

Which brings us to...

Where are the fragments?

I can't say for sure how many pieces it's in, but judging by the Doorman's comment, my guess is it's a number that starts with S. That's a lot of options, but I'm guessing six or seven, because any higher numbers that start with an S would just be ridiculous - six or seven is manageable, but double digits or higher is way too much to keep track of, the story would never be able to give all of them the focus they deserve.

So we've got six or seven fragments of a broken god. Where are they?

Fragment One: Possessing Max, which is the only thing currently confirmed by canon. This is a very recent development, as Max isn't showing any physical symptoms, was able to cross the barrier to enter Mayview, and his spectral abilities didn't kick in until his first day of school. Given that Johnny starts seeing shades roughly twelve hours after his possession, that implies that Max was possessed the day he moved into Mayview.

I think Max's fragment was stuck outside of Mayview, and looking to get in. It came across the Puckett's heading towards Mayview, and hitched a ride by possessing Max. This is backed up by the fact that Max began to awaken as a spectral before having noticeably interacted with anything supernatural - on his first night, Max could hear Hissin' Pete, saw PJ as a shade, and PJ was able to physically interact with him. If we compare that to the timeline of Johnny being possessed around midnight and seeing his first shade by lunchtime the next day, Max would have been possessed at some point in the late morning of the day he moved to Mayview.

Max's fragment is not Scrapdragon. I think that Max is a little like Mr. Spender, in that he's a medium whose also wielding a tool. Max's fragment is very chatty, revealing itself to the Doorman with no prompting, speaking in long, eloquent sentences, and even talks at Isaac about the concept of school buses and his own morality. On the other hand, Scrapdragon's communicated only in angry screeching so far. Also, Scrapdragon is obviously the source of Max's magnet powers, and he can only channel them through the baseball bat that Scrapdragon's possessing. I don't think Scrapdragon likes the fragment either - despite being a grudge, it seems fairly neutral towards Max, and only gets angry when he accidentally hits it. I don't know if Scrapdragon is trying to oppose the fragment the same way Lucifer fights the Shadow, but I don't think Scrapdragon wants to hurt Max, and it might end up helping him.

Fragment Two: Alright so now we're getting into speculative territory. I'm not numbering these by order of introduction btw, from here on out I'm looking at this via connections.

Boss Leader is possessed by a wight that the Consortium's been studying for a very long time, and is fairly non-hostile. Although it can't communicate clearly, it can express its emotions to BL, and she seems to have a lot of trust in it. Despite Boss Leader's shenanigans, it's been repeatedly shown that she takes the safety of spectral kids very seriously - if she thought there was any chance her wight would be dangerous, she never would have introduced it to two teenagers and a toddler, especially not just to explain the concept of a wight. This is also backed up by the wight's actions during that conversation - it's clearly paying attention, but it doesn't show any hostility, and the only thing it says is "PLEASE DON'T BE SCARED". Hell, it even seems to be a little disappointed that nobody reacts to the wight/white pun.

Despite this, I believe that Sandman is a fragment of the broken god. Not so much because of how it acts, but because of its connection to other possible pieces.

Fragment Three: Dr. Gwen Burger and her husband got stuck inside the prison of an unknown Wight. It was imprisoned by the Consortium before the current Boss Leader took power, it's lonely, dangerous, and really wants out. If it escapes, the results probably won't be pretty, time works differently in its prison, and its dream is connected to Gwen's. I think that Gwen might be its medium, given how warped her appearance is in the dream world, and that the wights prison relies on it being bound to a medium.

Gwen's wight is seemingly hostile, given that it attacks the group at the first opportunity, but what it wants is hard to say - its only line so far is "LOOK AT ME", and it may have been responsible for the demise of Gwen's husband. It also looks very similar to Sandman, implying a connection between them. Given that it's already been established that a Broken God is out there, it only makes sense for Sandman and Gwen's wight to be more fragments.

And more importantly, they're both very clearly connected to another powerful spirit.

Fragment Four: The Shadow, which has been possessing Richard Spender for at least thirteen years now. It's obviously powerful, given how much it scares Spender and Lucifer, and how being its medium has affected Spender's reputation. Given how he reacts to Forge saying he 'defeated the strongest spirit', that likely refers to Mr. Spender's past experience with the Shadow, and the circumstances that led to his possession.

Apart from its power, the main reason I think the Shadow is a fragment of the Broken God is because of its connections to Sandman and Gwen's wight. With Sandman, they look incredibly similar - the Shadow's face resembles a sun and is noticeably missing an eye, while Sandman's face resembles a crescent moon, and its only clear feature is a single eye. This suggests that Sandman and the Shadow are directly related to each other. As for Gwen's wight, it's connection to the Shadow is made clear by Rick's reaction to being attacked by it - while everyone else reacts, Rick freezes up and starts shaking in terror, either recognizing it as being similar to the Shadow, or having a flashback to his obviously traumatic possession. Probably both.

There's also the reactions of Sandman and Gwen's wight. When the group is attacked by Gwen's wight, the framing of the scene heavily implies that it's reaching out to grab Spender - Boss Leader and Walker are moving to defend the others, Gwen's almost completely hidden behind Walker, Mina's reflexively shielding Rick and Ed, Ed's hidden behind Walker and Mina... and Rick is perfectly centered at the back of the group. Furthermore, the way the wight attack contrasts to Rick's flashback heavily implies that it's reaching for him specifically. Meanwhile when the kids are introduced to Sandman, while it's kinda hard to track its line of sight, it seems like it might be staring at Rick the whole time. What the two wights say could also be interpreted as them speaking directly to Rick - Gwen's wight wants him to look at it, while Sandman begs him not be scared. If the two wights are fragments of the Broken God, they might be able to recognize that Rick is the medium of another one, and react accordingly. Gwen's wight wants him look at it, possibly realizing that he's frozen in terror and wanting to keep him that way so that he's an easy target. Sandman also realizes that Rick is traumatized and keeps its distance, asking Rick not to be afraid, as it doesn't want to hurt him. The point is, the Shadow, Sandman, and Gwen's wight are obviously connected to each other, and the most likely reason is all three are fragments of the Broken God.

I believe the Shadow was imprisoned at the bottom of Mayview Lake, though not by the Consortium. Thirteen years before Max came to Mayview, its prison was somehow broken by group that wanted to free the Broken God, though they were widely disorganized. Somehow a young Rick Spender wound up in the lake as the Shadow got free, and it pulled him under before possessing him. Given that Spender dying would free the Shadow, it's possible that the Shadow needed to possess a medium to escape its prison, and was trying to drown Rick right away to free itself. Lucifer intervened, pulling Rick out of the lake, and the two of them have been imprisoning the Shadow in Mr. Spender ever since.

Fragment Five: The Angel of Mayview.

Yeah, I know, she's definitely an enemy of Max's fragment and seemingly means well, but hear me out. When she speaks with Nin and Doorman, she pretty much immediately says she doesn't deserve to be called master. She also seems invested in Forge getting a second chance, not just to advance her goals, but also just for his own sake. These two details give me the impression that she's done some seriously bad things in the past, and is actively trying to make amends for it. Being part of the seemingly evil Broken God would qualify.

My other evidence is what Max's fragment says in Chapter 3. It specifically says that it "didn't end up with the sense of humor", implying that it's unable to find things funny. And right after that, the fragment and Doorman have this exchange: Doorman: Your return changes nothing, schemer. My master does not fear broken gods. Fragment: She should. Would if she could. The comedy your ignorance breeds is wasted on my ears.

This suggests that the Angel isn't scared because she can't be scared. Like she didn't get the ability to fear things, because another fragment has it. Max's fragment also suggests that it knows more about the Angel than Doorman does, and that considering her an enemy of the Broken God is ridiculous. All of this heavily implies that the Angel herself is another fragment.

Fragments Six and Seven: At this point I'm mostly out of obvious suspects. There's really only two major players unaccounted for, and while I do think both are fragments, I think they might both be fragments I've already discussed.

The great power that sleeps in Mayview is heavily implied to be a Big Deal. That being said, I think we've seen it already - who do we know that's a suspected medium for a fragment of the Broken God, and is permanently asleep? Yeah, I think the sleeping power is referring to Boss Leader. Her physical body is comatose, making her completely defenseless in the real world, and if Sandman is a fragment, Boss Leader is obviously very powerful. If Boss Leader's real body is in Mayview, then she's definitely the sleeping power.

Alternatively, it might be referring to the Shadow being imprisoned in Mayview Lake. Forge hasn't been in Mayview in a long time, so it makes sense that he wouldn't know the great power he's seeking was released over a decade ago. His attempt to command the pixelhounds also makes it clear that he's not above using evil methods to try and do what he thinks is right, so it'd make sense that he'd be willing to try and take control of it to help the Angel. It'd also explain why Mr. Spender starts laughing when he hears that, despite the fact that he's literally being tortured - Forge doesn't realize that the power he's looking for is right there. Mr. Spender also calls Forge misinformed right after that, suggesting that he knows what the sleeping power really is. Could be that he knows it's Boss Leader, but it could also mean he knows it's him. Either way, Forge is looking in the wrong place, and Mr. Spender knows it.

As for the other unexplained mystery, we have Penny Spender and her white spectral energy. That's a trait unique to wights and their mediums, which suggests that Penny is the medium of a wight. And given that all wights seen so far are probably fragments of the Broken God, it's likely that her wight is as well... but I think her wight is the Angel. We know fragments can speak through their mediums if they want, and the Angel hasn't made any personal appearances yet, only speaking over the phone. And the reactions of Nin and Doorman imply that's normal for her. Penny's obviously hiding that she's a spectral, so the Angel might be hiding that she has a medium to protect them both. As for why the Angel is possessing Penny, well Richard and Penny are obviously siblings, and Rick first got possessed when he was thirteen. If Penny doesn't know there's something horribly wrong with her brother, I'd be very surprised. I imagine we'll find out more about her, but whether or not Penny's possessed by the Angel, I think she's somewhat aware of her brothers situation and is trying to save him. Whatever her situation is, I'm looking forward to seeing more of Penny Spender, and I really hope she appears at some point in Chapter 7.

So now that we've got a rough idea of where the fragments are and why, that brings us to our final question.

What do they want?

I don't think they all have the same goals. Max's fragment saying it didn't end up with the sense of humor is an extremely informative sentence if you think about it - it means that the different fragments got different aspects of the Broken God's personality, and therefor will want different things.

The Angel and Sandman both seem to be non-hostile (for now at least), and the Angel is actively opposing other fragments. She also seems to be trying to make amends for the Broken God's actions, and feels deep shame over her past, leading me to believe that the Angel has the Broken God's remorse. The other pieces don't feel bad about what they've done because they can't. Likewise, I think Sandman might have inherited its fear, as it almost looks like it's trying to hide itself under blankets, and putting its medium's in a coma allows it to hide from the waking world.

Given their actions, I think the Angel and Sandman are against the Broken God's original goals, and are fairly benevolent. They do not want to become whole again.

Meanwhile, the Shadow, Gwen's wight, and Max's fragment all seem to be hostile. I believe Gwen's wight definitely wants to rejoin with other fragments, given that it seemingly tries to grab Rick. Max's fragment is harder to judge; it's definitely opposed to the Angel, but the Doorman's words imply that it's not really a powerhouse like the others. Max's fragment is the manipulator, the schemer - not the fighter. If it's the weakest of the bunch, it makes sense that it would want to become whole again. As for the Shadow, given that it's first move upon getting free is to attack Max and Isabel, it's definitely an active problem. The fact that it's indirectly described as 'the strongest spirit' implies that it got the most raw power out of all the fragments. I don't have any evidence that it wants to become whole again, but something about it gives me the feeling that it does. Here's hoping Mr. Spender realizes Max is possessed before either of their fragments makes a move. And no, I don’t think the Shadow realizes Max has another fragment yet; he’s still in the early stage of possession, so I think the only way for Max’s fragment to get caught is if it exposes itself. But Max’s fragment definitely knows where the Shadow is after chapter 4, so that’s bound to turn into a nightmare at some point.

Also on a probably unrelated note, the Shadow is a spirit of darkness that chooses to look like a sun, and if you look closely at Rick's memory getting possessed, you can see the Shadow had a massive slasher smile as it reached up to grab him. So uh... I think I know which fragment got the sense of humor.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, I look forward to being proved wrong about all of this. But I also kinda really hope I’m right. Either way, if anyone writes fanfic using my theories, I will love you forever.

[vickyvicarious]

max and the way after midnight visitor (bmw 1)

So last weekend I decided to check back in on Paranatural for the first time in years... such a good move. Still my favorite by far. And hey, I’m apparently back just in time for bullymagnet week, which wasn’t even a thing before. My timezones may be a little off, not quite sure, but this is for day one - night.

.

Max wakes up at 4:17 AM to the familiar sound of ol’ Hissin’ Pete freaking out. He groans, rolling over to put a pillow on top of his head, only to bolt upright when he rolls right onto his fractured arm.

“FLIPPIN’ HECK,” he screams through gritted teeth, curling over it.

“Mister Max! Are you okay?” PJ inquires, looming out of the darkness with a nightmare grin. Max means that literally. He’s had nightmares about that grin.

It does look a little more nervous than usual this time, though. He squints, honestly just to get a better look in the darkness, but PJ immediately quails before his face, admitting, “I’m sorryyyy, it was me that got Hissin’ Pete going but I only did it because a weird kid on your roof threatened to punch Lefty!”

“…What,” Max starts, only to be interrupted by none other than Johnny Jhonny swinging in through his window roaring a battlecry. PJ squeaks and vanishes through the floor. Hissin’ Pete hisses louder, before PJ reaches an arm up through the floor and yanks him away too.

“IS THAT BLOB ON YOU AGAIN MAX I SWEAR I’LL PUNCH IT REEEEEEAL GOOD BOI,” Johnny – threatens? Promises? …Consoles?

“Guess my clock’s three minutes slow,” Max mutters to himself, too worn out at this point to even bother with being shocked. Honestly, Johnny swinging through his window at four in the morning threatening to punch stuff is perfectly in character. The real question is how he even knows where Max lives.

“How do you even know where I live?” Max asks. Johnny blinks, and stops punching at the air in favor of approaching the bed to look down at him.

“Yeah so after hitball this girl comes up all wantin’ me to break in and steal your secrets or whatever so she can double-blackmail ya. Said she’d pay me with three stars. So I said sure an’ she showed me your ack-e-dem-ick files, son.” Johnny grins, bright and manic even in the darkness. “You got an A in three classes last year? NERRRRD.”

There’s only one girl who would ever offer to pay the school bully to break into his house and steal double-blackmail on him in the dead of night when he’s just been injured. Suzy, you monster.

“Oh yeah, I’m real lame. I can do basic math and everything: breaking in plus stealing plus phone call to the cops equals juvie.” Max whips out his cell phone with, dare he say, a good bit of flair. It’s totally a bluff, and honestly a pretty weak retort regardless, but he’s not at the top of his game tonight, okay. Spectral hitball really takes it outta a guy.

“Oi oi oi, gimme that,” Johnny hisses though, and leaps on the bed to snatch the phone out of Max’s hand and hurl it across the room. It crashes into the wall with an audible CRACK.

Max stares in utter disbelief.

“WHAT WAS THAT FOR,” he yells indignantly, attempting to sit up further.

Johnny smacks a hand across his mouth, shoving him all the way back down into his pillow with embarrassing ease.

“SHHHHH,” he shushes, extremely loudly. “Don’t wanna wake yer folks, man.”

“Muh dah whlld mmfp frh uh nuhclr uhfalt,” Max complains through the fingers over his face.

“Don’t believe ya,” Johnny grins (of course he would speak perfect muffled-ese), and then just sits down so he’s straddling Max’s stomach, making it a little hard to breathe and also bringing back war flashbacks to their fight in the hallway a few days ago. His other hand swings down to hold Johnny’s right arm down as well with, again, embarrassing ease. “Anyway, you were gonna sell me out to the swine. Backstabber.”

Fed up with not being able to retort (finally, his brain’s kicking back into gear, and he’s got a real good one about bacon up a plan), Max licks Johnny’s hand.

Far from being phased, Johnny just leans in closer, grins the kind of grin that should come with its own tire-screech soundtrack, and licks the back of his own hand.

“WH TH FLPP,” Max protests, because what. Johnny’s nose was almost touching his, their eyes were meeting, for a moment he honestly just can’t breathe because what was that?!

“Little spittle never scared m-e…” Johnny brags, losing steam about halfway through and just staring at Max with wide eyes. It’s hard to tell in the darkness, but his cheeks look red. Could he really… be realizing what a dumbass he’s being?

“Uh here talk,” Johnny yelps, sitting up and yanking his hand back like it’s been burned. He’s even flapping it in the air, there’s spit flying off, it’s just. It’s gross.

“It’s kinda hard to stab someone in the back when they broke into your house to steal from you, dude,” Max says, choosing to just let that whole licking thing go. Never mention it again. “Also, that makes two of my most treasured belongings you’ve stolen and destroyed forever.”

“I. Uh. Sh-shut up, you’re too beholden to the Man! I just saved you from yourself!”

“What does that even mean?”

“I dunno. Stephen always says it and sounds mega turbo cool though. Don’t get all beholden to the Man, man. ‘S bad for the liver.”

Max is sleep-deprived, his arm aches, he’s pretty sure there’s some spit on his face, plus Johnny is sitting on his gut telling him not to trust the government – he just. He can’t help it.

At first it’s just a huff. And then… really, it stays just a huff, because Johnny’s heavy and it hurts to breathe too much, but he’s grinning and laugh-huffing and up above him Johnny’s eyes get really wide and that makes Max laugh even more.

“K-kid, stop. Stoppit,” Johnny protests weakly. His mouth is moving kinda slow and his face looks all red again, and Max physically couldn’t stop if you paid him three Starchman stars, oh geez.

Then Johnny smacks him swiftly (yet somehow gently?) in the face.

“I SAID STOP, BOYO,” he roars. “D-don’t you be mirthin’ at me!”

“I’ll mirth wherever I please,” Max scowls. A bit of a grin’s still fighting its way out of his mouth, though. “It’s my bedroom.”

“I – I am gonna lick your face next time,” Johnny threatens. “Right all up on your forehead. Don’t test me.”

“…Well, I believe that,” Max concludes after a disturbed moment. “Fine. I’ll be mad at you again, happy?”

“NO.”

“Well then whaddaya want?! I don’t just keep blackmail lying around my room, okay?” (Max is very pointedly not thinking about the open drawer full of days-of-the-week underwear his dad bought to torture him but which he actually wears sometimes because Laundry Days suck and yet are still too far and few between. At least he wears them on the wrong days, but still.)

“Huh?” Johnny blinks down at him in complete bafflement for a minute, before his expression clears. “Psht, nah man, you think I care about that? I just wanted to know where ya rest yer noggin.”

“…so you don’t want to blackmail me for Suzy?”

“Why would I do that when I can just punch you in your face if I feel like it?” Johnny asks, with apparently genuine interest in the answer.

“I – I guess no reason,” Max admits, torn between basking in someone not trying to blackmail him, or sweating at the implication Johnny’s about to punch him in his face.

“Nah man, I’m just here to sign your cast,” Johnny continues nonchalantly, reaching into a pocket and emerging with a full rainbow of sharpies splayed between his fingers. “Gotta come quick. Early squirrel gets the birdseed, an’ all.”

“I. What – why?”

“Cuz.”

There’s really no arguing with that kind of logic.

“Okay, fine, I guess,” Max agrees, and shoves at Johnny with his good arm until the guy’s scooched off him enough that he can sit up and grab his lamp. It turns on with a cheery, ‘I’ll brighten up your day!’ and reveals Johnny’s eyes gleaming at his arm with a disturbing amount of focus.

“………this snow’s already trode on, yo,” he mutters with clear disappointment.

Max peers down at his arm. On it is a love heart with a doodle of his dad’s face inside, and the word lame from Zoey.

“Yeah, my family are pretty, uh, squirrely,” he agrees. “Feel free to cover them up. Especially the heart one. Please cover up the heart one.”

Somewhat cheered by this, Johnny whistles. Twirling the sharpies between his fingers, he bites at a sparkly orange one to yank the cap off with his teeth.

“Yer about to see a master at work, so listen close,” he says nonsensically, then goes to town.

Max wakes up in the morning to sunlight in his eyes, Johnny’s feet on his neck, and his dad beaming down at him from the doorway.

“Aww, sonbeam, you don’t have to sneak your friends over for sleepovers,” he coos.

“Rghrrmffo ‘way,” Max retorts, wittily.

He squirms loose from the death-cuddle Johnny has on his ankles after about seven minutes of mortal combat, then climbs over the bully and leaves the room to get dressed, all without interrupting Johnny’s snores once. In the bathroom, Max does his business, gets dressed, brushes his teeth and his hair and basically just avoids looking at his arm a lot until PJ peers over his shoulder like a total creep and makes excited noises.

“That looks s-so cool, Maxeus!” he exclaims, so fired up that he appears to be testing out weird nicknames and everything. Lefty, rising through the sink, gives a thumbs up.

Finally he looks down at his cast. Max slowly smiles.

“Yeah,” he says, looking at the brightly colored picture of him and Johnny riding on the back of what he assumes is a Burnhound, since it’s on fire and appears to be eating some kind of electric lizard. Johnny’s name is in big, bold letters above this, along with the letters MVP, but there’s also a bunch of random doodles too, of fists and explosions and a can of soup and his baseball hat, and even something that kinda looks like a doctopus if he squints a little to the left. Johnny has also, for no apparent reason, drawn himself with his gang of friends on the back of Max’s cast, in what looks like one of their friendship fusion moves.

The art is not great. The colors are garish. There’s basically no space left on the cast for anyone else to write anything, unless their handwriting is really tiny, and Max had been kinda planning on letting Isaac sign it first to show they were still cool, if he asked. That’s sort of a pointless idea now.

Still…

“Yeah, it’s pretty neat,” Max agrees with PJ, before filling a glass of cold water to go throw at Johnny’s face. He tries to contain his smile at the way the guy leaps into instant murderous alertness, but he can’t completely stop it and, weirdly enough, Johnny stops choking blankets to grin back at him once he notices.

“Not bad,” Max admits, lifting his cast.

“Yer welcome, birdseed,” Johnny replies, before climbing back out the window and vanishing into the woods instead of staying for cereal like a normal person.

[beanjuice-duh]

Fly me to the Moon

[Previously…] [Next!] A/N: Drunk!Usnavi is my spirit animal. Summary: Usnavi is shitting bricks that Johan is coming over to meet his family&friends. ft. hints of Benina Sonny+Pete, and the gossip girls WordCount: 3991 Taggies: @hell-yes-puns-and-ships

Day of Sonny’s graduation party, a feat that everyone in the barrio wanted to partake in, Usnavi was in the kitchen. Sonny’s nose led him there, following the wafting aroma of sugary, cinnamon and vanilla. “Mm something smells good~ Que cocinas?” He made a beeline to the covered pot only to be met with the hot, swiftness of a wooden spoon slapping the back of his knuckles. “DAMN! That hurt!” He hissed, taking back his hand. He kissed the back of his knuckles, watching Usnavi move in front of the pot like a guard dog.

“Its arroz con leche” Usnavi smirked, watching Sonny’s eyes gleam with delight. “Abuela Claudia’s old recipe.”

“No way, Abuela gave you her famous recipe for her rice pudding?” Everyone in the barrio knew that Abuela Claudia (god rest her soul) had the best rice pudding recipe in all of Manhattan. She could have made thousands maybe millions if she patented it. But like most good things they were only meant to be shared with loved ones.

“Nah” Usnavi shook his head then tapped the side of his temple. “I use to stand around and watch her cook back when she babysat me. I got it all memorized.” Those were simpler days. Now everything was different, abuela had passed on,  Sonny was looking at a four year school. Nina and Benny were newlyweds and new parents, Vanessa was living her life, and Pete even seemed to move out of the streets. And yet, Usnavi was still here. The money had been put into savings for both of them, Usnavi had some plans what to do with his money but as always he had trouble really making moves.

Meanwhile Sonny…was itching to finally touch his share of money. “So…I was wondering, since I’ve been making strides to a better future. I’m a lot more responsible and shit…you think I could get a few hundred?” He smiled a bit, Usnavi’s silence unnerved him a little. “Look you, said you’d hand over my share when you felt like I was ready to handle that cash. And I am.”

“No me diga…” Usnavi rolled his eyes keeping his eye on the pot. “And what do you plan to do with a couple hundred?”

“I’m bein’ serious!” Sonny’s voice took a desperate whine like tone. He was losing this battle before he could state his case. “I…wanna go out West.” Sonny’s pleads only elicited a hard, sarcastic laugh from Usnavi.

“He hasn’t even left yet and you're planning on dropping money on him?” Usnavi placed the spoon down and turned to his younger cousin who was giving him all the stank eyes. “Pete isn’t a future, I want you to invest smart. Abuela Claudia put me in charge of her money, to be smart.”

“All you’ve done is let it sit in the bank, collecting dust.” Sonny narrowed his eyes. He jutted his chin out a little taking a harder stand against Usnavi’s tight hold on their small fortune.

“Its collecting interest, Sonny, you’re not touching that money. That’s your future.” As his older cousin, Usnavi was more than prepared to put Sonny down and remind him who was in charge. After all, Usnavi was Sonny’s only constant adult and role model.  “I love him.” Sonny answered boldly. Usnavi’s parental facade fell apart instantly.

He met Usnavi’s surprised eyes with his own gaze of immovable ambition. Usnavi’s eyes were colored in every shade of concern and worry. “I know you don’t think I know what I’m doing, but I love Pete. You don’t know Pete like I know him, ok?” Sonny’s face turned a few shades brighter. “If you won’t let me have my own money, then I’ll use my own.” Of course it would take him a longer to make enough money for a trip to California. Usnavi was still undone by how certain Sonny sounded. He was so much younger than him, Usnavi remembered him in diapers and yet…Sonny seemed to concrete about the things he wanted in life. Like he wasn’t scared, like he knew something beyond his years, Sonny walked out of the kitchen. He wasn’t in the mood to fight the day of his graduation celebration. He focused on the fact everyone was going to be together again, celebrating him.

Usnavi followed him after lowering the burner flame on his rice pudding. “How…do you know you love him?” He asked quietly.

“What?” Sonny shot him a glare, still upset over their little discussion. His anger subsided. There was something about Usnavi’s voice and stance that made him soften a bit. He looked...uncomfortable? Worried? Sonny wasn’t sure, Usnavi’s eyes were glued to the ground as he spoke in a softer, uneasy tone.

“How...did you find you that you even...were like…” He swayed a bit unable to find a good word to fit what he was trying to say.

Though only one word came to Sonny’s mind, “how did I know I was gay?” He chuckled. “I mean...I dunno.” The older man frowned, meeting Sonny’s smile. Clearly the answer did not sit well with him so Sonny decided to dive a bit deeper. “I guess...I’ve always been a little different, other guys talked about girlfriends and I never had much to say. It wasn’t like I was born knowing I liked dudes or anything. I just...didn’t have any feelings towards them, then all of the sudden…”

Usnavi watched as Sonny’s eyes looked up, as if watching something from a distance, something only he could see and relive in his memories. “All of the sudden what? Finish your goddamn sentence Sonny.”

“The night of the blackout...Pete stayed with me, helped me fight off thugs. He broke out fireworks. You know I was scared shitless, I tried to act tough and had a bat in my hand. The moment Pete told me to back up I felt...safe and I knew. It wasn’t like something was missing it was more like, things made more sense all of the sudden. All the empty weird moments I had brushed aside, Pete answered them. I just knew because it felt like” He opened his closed fists up and fanned his hands out towards the ceiling a ‘boom’ sound with his mouth. “Fireworks.”

“Gay fireworks?” Usnavi did the same had motion with less enthusiasm and more sarcasm. “You just know that you were into Pete and that’s it? Boom, you’re ok with it?”

“What’s not to be ok about? I love Pete, Pete loves me. Pete is a dude, I am a dude. I honestly don’t see what the big deal is. So I didn’t come out the womb screaming that I was into dudes...that doesn’t mean nothin’.” Sonny looked over to the kitchen and whistled. “Oye, the pot is hissin’ is the rice suppose to do that?”

“Crap!” He ran back to the kitchen. Usnavi didn’t ask anymore questioned after that. He didn’t know why he wanted to know. It wasn’t like it mattered to him, Sonny was family, blood, he’d love him no matter what. As the day went on, Usnavi was electric. He answered the door after the first knock and each time he grew a little more and more disappointed when it wasn’t who he thought. By the time five rolled around, his house was backed with everyone. It was like a barrio reunion. Benny and Nina made it out with their baby girl. Danielle and Carla came over, bringing food of their own to the party. Nina’s parents arrived, everyone was here but…

“Why is Usnavi just sitting there, Baila nino!” Daniela shouted over the upbeat salsa number playing.

Sonny chuckled watching Usnavi has he paced the living room, acting like he was small talking but really he was eyeing that door like a hawk or...a puppy. “Nah, he’s waiting for someone special?”

Daniela arched her eyebrow giving Sonny that ‘look’ she knew something. “Well don’t tell anyone I told you, but I hear Vanessa might show up.”

Carla and Sonny both leaned in a bit, “NO ME DIGA” the practically shouted in unison.

“It's true, I called her an hour ago before I arrived and she said she was getting ready” The girls giggling to themselves, perhaps they were going to witness chapter two of Usnavi’s trails of winning over Vanessa. “I never understood why he ever let her go.”

“What? I thought Vanessa dropped Usnavi, he was heartbroken.” Sonny shook his head, no way his cousin ended anything with Vanessa he was in love with her.

“Das’ not what Nessa told me.” Daniela argued. Sonny’s brows knitted together, either way Vanessa being here was enough to make him wonder. What was Usnavi going to do? After a few more hours, like Daniela said Vanessa arrived. The exchange between her and Usnavi was...tense. He smiled awkwardly, putting a hand up as she nodded and smiled back at him. Sonny didn’t know who ended what but whatever happened must have ended on a sour note. Neither looked happy.

Benny wandered his way to Sonny and muttered, “I think his friend isn’t coming…”

“I know…” Sonny frowned, tapping his finger against his glass. Usnavi had spent most of the night eyeing the door so long he could have burned a hole through it. When with a defeated frown he began to drink...and drink...

“Sonny do something, Usnavi is five drinks in and he’s going to do something stupid real soon.” Benny nudged him. Sonny nodded, it was time Usnavi got cut off. He handed over his drink to Benny and made his way to his now drunk cousin. He was entertaining Vanessa and the girls with a story about what he found in the cooler two weeks ago.

“And it was a malido raton DIS BIG” He held up his hands at least a foot apart. The girls exchanged worried glances as Usnavi cackled. A pair of hands came down on his shoulders and squeezed him a little. “Sonny!! Primoito! Can you believe this guy right here is going to a four year school?”

“Yes we’re all proud of you Sonny” Nina smiled happy that the conversation topic went away from his rat story. “It's not a walk in the park, but take it from me, take your time, breathe and remember we’re all here for you.”

“Thanks, Nina.” Sonny smiled at Nina, she went back to feeding her baby giving Sonny a moment to whisper into Usnavi’s ear. “Hey cuz, maybe you should chilax, you’re hittin’ the drinks kinda hard.”

“Sonny, I gotta tell you something...you right.” Usnavi he half slurred the words. “You deserve to see Pete, so ima let you take the money for your tickets.”

Suddenly drunk Usnavi was anything but a problem. “Yo, seriously?!”

“Yesssss, como no? You’re in love right? You cannot let that love slip away, trust me I know. Take the tickets, why don’t you go...OH! For for Christmas! No New Year's...Both. You can be his gift from me to him” Usnavi beamed, his entire face beat red. He kissed Sonny’s cheeks and left him at a loss for words for a good minute.

“Thank you! Thank you Navi, I’m going to get them right now. Man…” A very small part of Sonny knew this was entirely the booze talking. But booze was getting him a round trip to California in December. He was not going to question it. Sonny disappeared to book the tickets long before Usnavi could sober up and take it back.

Benny slapped his forehead with his hand watching Sonny fail at taming Usnavi. Once again, Benny to the rescue. He walked over just as the doorbell went off. Usnavi made no move to answer it. Benny eyed Usnavi’s shaky hand as he pour himself another drink and the door went off again. “I’ve got it.” He opened the door and to his surprise. Johan was standing there. He was out of breath, somewhat sweaty and dressed in a nice suit, far too formal for the house party and holding a bottle of wine. “You know, as someone who was raised around and married into a hispanic family, I learned the meaning of working on ‘Hispanic” time but damn, ,man, you take the cake.” He snickered letting Johan in.

“I got...very lost.” Johan shook his head. “I know New York is on a grid but what’s the use of a grid system if I have no idea which way the streets go up and down from!” He ran the back of his head against his forehead. “Where is Usnavi?”

“Oh, I’ll get him for you.” Benny took the bottle from Johan’s hand. “Trade ya.” He grabbed Usnavi by the back of the shirt and turned him around as he took a fucking sip of his drink. “All yours.” He shoved the drunk Dominican towards Johan.

He stumbled, his body still soaking in the whiskey drinks, if it wasn’t for Johan’s large hands catching Usnavi’s shoulders he would have run right into Johan’s chest. “Oi~ Johan! You made it.” Usnavi’s smile was wild. His expression was as drunk as he was, his eyes half lidded but his smile was electric. Johan didn’t know what to say other than smile and that alone seemed to make Usnavi’s expression even more drunk. “Tan lindo! Come I’ll introduce you to everyone.” He grabbed Johan by the wrist and started introducing him as ‘the Californian he found in his store’.

From the corner Daniela stood beside Vanessa, watching as Usnavi showed off his new friend excitedly. “Who’s Usnavi’s friend, is he someone new in the hood?” Vanessa looked him over as Daniela practically drooled beside her.

“No I would know if that papi chulo had been around, he’s new and just my type.” Daniela winked, she watched with a closer eye and her smile softened a bit. “Aye, cono, of course.” She exclaimed exasperatedly.

“What?” Vanessa looked shocked at the sudden change in Daniela’s voice. “Que paso?”

“You don’t see it?”

“What?”

“Usnavi is all over him.” Daniela motioned towards the two men.

“What?! No way...Usnavi…” She blinked and then remembered their small falling out when it came to their budding relationship. “You know...now you that mentioned it…” Vanessa had beat herself up that perhaps it was her, or Usnavi, turned out it was something different. There was something about the way Usnavi was showing Johan off, the way Johan was just going along with it so happy...it did Vanessa’s conscience good that Usnavi was happy. “Not bad on him, he’s cute, tall, dresses nice must have some money?”

“I know, I want to know where he found him so I can find me one” Daniela giggled as Carla joined the duo.

“What are we talking about?” Her eyes followed their line of sight and nodded. “Oh! Usnavi introduced us to his friend, Johan. He’s so nice.”

“Friend?” Daniela shook her head. “Aye dios mio, please tell me we’re not playing this game again.”

“It's true.” Sonny emerged after ordering his plane tickets, he was walking on cloud nine. “Usnavi’s been hung up on this guy since he met him. But he hasn’t done shit. I thought inviting him over might loosen him up but now Usnavi is too loose to do a thing.”

“Wait why is Usnavi hung up on-- “ Carla was cut off by Daniela.

“Sounds to me someone needs to remind Usnavi what happens if he takes to long making his move.” She eyed up Vanessa. Vanessa exchanged a sneaky smirk, nodding a bit. “Like old times.” Daniela watched as Vanessa tossed her hair over her shoulder and made her way to the boys.

“You two are baaaaaaad” Sonny chuckled, he leaned back against the wall, motioning Benny to keep his eye on the show that was about to commence.

“Wait, what is going on?” Carla looked around, “I think I missed something.”

“Carla, please, Nessa is going to make Usnavi a little jealous so he can stop taking his sweet ass time.”

“Ooo...wait why?” Carla tilted her head a little, still not quite understanding what was going down. Or about to go down.

Daniela pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled sharply “...Dios, just watch.”

Johan wasn't a fan of conventional parties but Usnavi was making the night a lot more interesting. Though he knew it was partially it was because he had been drinking, Johan couldn’t deny he enjoyed the attention. He was rambunctious, stammering and stuttering over words, unconsciously saying things in Spanish before realizing Johan couldn’t understand. The over apologizing, all of it, put a smile on Johan’s face as he ate up this side of Usnavi he didn’t see. The hard working store owner had some little surprises after all. “Oh shit, they’re playing this song?! Now this, this brings me back.” He gently pulled away from Johan and started to sway his hips loosely. “This was my parents’ jam.”

“Well I can honestly say I’ve never heard anything like it.” And he never saw anyone move like that before. He was intrigued now. This called for some cultural investigation in his part. Usnavi looked like he was going to ask Johan to dance when a girl, a very pretty girl, whipped her long, pin straight hair around practically hitting Usnavi in the face came by.

“Vaaaaaaanessa! Well if it isn’t the barrio’s favorite girl...that was until you ditched the place.” Usnavi smirked as she placed her hand on his shoulder. There was no hard feelings about her move...not...really.

“Oh, you should talk about ditching, Mr. “I don’t know how to go past 96th street”” She frowned. “You owe me a dance.” She pulled him closer towards her, her eyes went to Johan and looked as though she was silently challenging him to say something to her. “Unless this dance is taken?”

“Actually…” Johan was more than willing to step in. However, he was the stranger here. He merely smiled and leaned away a bit. “I didn’t know you knew how to dance.”

“Please, I was born dancing. Watch me” He grabbed Vanessa’s arm and much to her regret Usnavi whisked her away to a drunken, fast pace. Usnavi was in fact, a poor dancer, a rarity among his Dominican heritage but damn did he try. His signature beside an over zealous body roll was a mashed up mess of footing that was a cross of a salsa wanting to be a bachata. In summary, Vanessa was extremely aware that her toes were under attack if she wasn’t careful.

Johan stood back. There was a strong sense of emptiness now, he couldn't shake the fact Usnavi beside him, introducing him to these faces warmed him. The traveling Californian didn't think he'd take such a strong liking to Usnavi. It felt like a whirlwind but at the same time Johan felt like … Well he wasn't sure what he felt other than content. And the fact he knew nothing about him. What he did know was watching him dance was both entertaining and somewhat disheartening to just watch him. With arms crossed and smile no longer on his face he was joined by another semi-outsider. “Don’t worry I don’t dance either.” Benny chuckled, the fact he didn’t dance drove Nina insane but he was getting there. “You get use to this, the music, the good food, the fact everyone is a cousin or an uncle somehow.” He shook his head a bit. “And if you’re smart you’ll pick up some spanish so no one can talk shit behind your back.” Benny’s eyes cut through the crowd right to Daniela and Carla who were vultures on the scene of their novela. The life and times of Usnavi’s strange love affairs.

“I learned French fluently in two years, Spanish will be a piece of cake.” Wait why was he agreeing to this. Would he learn Spanish? He wasn’t opposed, and it would be getting close to Usnavi. The way Vanessa danced with him made him feel as though they were close too. Closer than he liked to imagine. “How long did it take you?”

“Still learning, I’ve been with Nina ever since she went back to Stanford and I’m still barely conversational. But I know the important words.” He smiled blissfully, reminiscing how wonderfully lucky he was to have the life he did.

“And what words are those?” Johan tore his gaze from the dancing, missing Usnavi’s slip and practically drop Vanessa in mid spin.

“Te adoro, Te quiero…” He spoke softly, he absently started whispering the words in spanish, watching as his wife held their daughter. “Te necesito, Te...amo…” Benny sighed dreamily, taking a sip of the fine wine Johan brought. It was already half empty and shared among the guests.

Johan’s addled grasp of languages fumbled to make the connections between the similar sounding Spanish words to his French knowledge . “What do they mean?” 

“Thats for you to find out” He smirked, then started hollering at the dance floor. “Man pull yourself together are you dancing or are you doing the stanky leg.” Johan looked back and found Vanessa no longer dancing and it was just Usnavi pelvic thrusting. Sonny had hid in the kitchen, wanting to burn the image out of his mind. Johan watched, placing a hand at his mouth trying not to laugh. Suddenly, as if Usnavi felt Johan’s laughter he started hopping and thrusting towards him.

“Oh no.” Johan placed his hands up. “No, No”

“Vamos a baliar~ Johan~” Usnavi purred holding out his hands and began making grabbing motions at the air. Johan looked up and away from him trying not to submit to his drunken, half lidded gaze. Instead Johan grabbed a glass of booze and downed it keeping himself busy. “C’mon, Johan, don’t tell me the Johnsons don’t know how to dance.”

“No the white part of me would say he doesn’t know how to dance but my father is an amazing dancer.” Johan smirked, “Your dance partner is over there” he motioned to Vanessa who traded Usnavi for a reluctant Sonny.

“I’m looking at a new one right now.” Usnavi grabbed Johan by the sleeves and pulled. “C’mon, you can’t be as bad as me.” He was well aware he danced like a very drunk Charo at best. Johan looked him over once more and finished his drink, letting it warm him up inside before Usnavi made him spill it all over himself. Triumphantly, Usnavi grabbed Johan and tried to led the taller man into a dance that wasn’t even a real dance. They fumbled, the footing was all over the place. But they were laughing, everyone was laughing at them too or with them depending on how they decided to see it.

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Daniela smirked, watching Usnavi try to dip Johan and only ended up stumbling himself until the taller man caught him. They burst into louder laughter, practically over powering the music.

Vanessa joined in, crossing her arms. “Yea...I do” She pursed her lips with a twinge of sadness in her voice.

“I don’t see it.” Carla pouted, all she saw was Usnavi and Johan dancing poorly. “Like what are they even trying to dance? Salsa? Samba? Right now that looks like the bidibidi-dunno”

“Carla open your eyes, bruta.” Daniela had half the mind to yank her by her fine curls. “Not the dancing, look at them, do you see what is happening.”

Carla began to squint at the them, “I still don’t understand.”

“Aye bendito...” Vanessa sighed, she brought her thumb to her lips and bit down on the nail nervously. Usnavi steadied himself on Johan and they stopped dancing long enough to share a silent exchanges of smiles and laughter. Their laughs completely overpowered the music, it was their song now. And everyone around was a witness to it. “He likes him”

“No, where I come from we call that sofocado” Daniela cackled. “Boy is drowning in flirtatious tension, mi hija.”

People began to leave, the party was eventually over and goodbyes were shared. Once the last of the guests shuffled out of their apartment, Sonny began to wonder where Usnavi ran off to. If he had taken a look in the bedroom, he would have found their window was left open, and both men were sitting out on the fire escape with a bottle of patron between them.

Their night had just begun.

[calomviih]

Hey! Can we take a second to talk about how

stunning

cute

bonny

appealing 

amazing

gorgeous 

captivating 

alluring 

ravishing 

charming 

comely 

enthralling 

beautiful 

lovely

intriguing 

adorable

handsome

engaging

smashing

fetching 

delightful 

bewitching 

hot

elegant

heavenly

glamorous 

winsome 

lovable

pretty

dazzling 

dreamy

the paranatural spirits are?

Special mention to Hissin' Pete  because he is the total package

[ucanfiteme]

Imagine if Hissin Pete had possessed Johnny instead of Forge

[incorrectpnatquotes]

Hissin’ Pete: You better watch out…

Lefty: Fingerless glove that you pull over your hand to make a mitten (the design I found online made the reindeer face go on the bottom of the hand which must be uncomfortable because I think the nose is a Pom Pom BUT who knows)

-Mod Ani

[pop-culturejunkie]

my dog was sneakily chewing something so i opened his mouth and

IT WAS A FUCKING BUG

AND IT WAS STILL ALIVE

i think im going into cardiac arrest now

[paranaturalpop]

What’s got you hissing, Pete? Sock Puppy? Scabs? Mina?

[pnatreactionpicoftheweek]

Rb this with whatever was under it on your dash