#hisokas past

[liquorishblack]

Inside the twisted mind of Hisoka Morow (part 1)

Part 1 , Part 2

Synopsis: Psychoanalysis about Hisoka, concerning his past and who he is today.

TW: Mentions of abuse, physical abuse, child abuse, emotional abuse, mental disorders

Wordcount: 561

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So, I have a bachelor degree in psychology and today I work in the forensic field. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that nearly every perpetrator was once a victim.

I´ve seen many on this platform wondering what a relationship with Hisoka would look like… and honestly, since he´s quite a complex and interesting character, I wrapped my head around this question as well. But I quickly came to the conclusion that if you want to make assumptions about how Hisoka would behave in certain situations regarding relationships, it is necessary to understand his psyche and therefore we should have at least a little glimpse at his past (Part 1) before we come to the relationship headcanon (Part2). 

So, shall we?

For the following I´ll go with the theory that Hisoka isn´t a psychopath at all (for a bunch of reasons but the whole discussion whether he is in fact a psychopath or not would fill a whole page for itself, so I won´t dwell on this subject today). But this much shall be said: While psychopathy is a neurological dysfunction (which means psychopaths are born that way), what society calls "sociopathy" usually arises from trauma, which I find much more likely in his case. So, Hisoka might not be a psychopath but do we find him on the spectrum of antisocial personality disorder? Hell yes! He is arrogant, self serving, only fights for himself, shows lack of empathy, views other human being as „toys“ and has no sense of remorse or whatsoever. But if he´s not a psychopath, why is that? At a certain point in his past he must have learned that people aren´t trustworthy and that he can´t rely on them. Very likely this is because he was let down, or worse, even endangered, by the people who were supposed to protect him; his primary caregivers. For this reason Hisoka stands for himself, trusts no one and is a lone wolf at heart as an adult. This theory is also supported by the fact that he seems very touch starved and even tries to get along with people occasionally, almost as if he longs for closeness and affiliation, until his own psychology torpedos his newly built and therefore still fragile relationships, because the desire of self-preservation is superior to that of belonging. So he pushes others purposely away, to not take the risk of any emotional damage. Also, the fact that at a certain point Hisoka apparently linked affection with physical violence, pain, and even fear of death suggests that the only form of attention he received in his childhood and adolescence were in fact beatings. These early childhood experiences are likely to have been accompanied by a strong and constant sense of lack of control. The only way to gain back control in such situations from which you can´t escape as a defenseless child is to master your own psychology, ergo: burry your emotions, swallow your pain, so it won´t break you. As for today, Hisokas strive to control break others is pretty obviously an overcompensation for his lack of control at the time. Speaking of emotion: I’m pretty sure that Hisoka has emotions, even complex ones, but can only sense them in a pretty aloof way, because the terrible experiences from his past forced him to suppress them and shut himself off from them over many many years, so he has simply forgotten how to feel. This is accompanied by a consuming feeling of emptiness, which is why people who fall under the spectrum of ASPD need strong stimuli to fill the void caused by lack of strong emotion. They often tend to recklessness and take great risks, not infrequently even risking their own death, just as Hisoka does when he challenges strong opponents to battle. His sense of grandeur and superiority I view as another coping strategy. I´m sure that under his nacissistic mask lies just another insecure and deeply intimidated child, so deeply buried that Hisoka might have forgotten about it himself.

Thank you so much for reading.🤍🖤

Part 2

[illumiskneecaps]

^_^ compilation

[the-b-ch]

Part 1 [Hisoka’s disease]

[rose-riot-johnson]

Hey Tumblr Peeps😃👍My schedule has been super busy and I did have a lot of trouble with completing requests, which is why I mostly have been reblogging, as of late😅However on and off I also been having trouble with not disconnecting from myself unconsciously (atleast fanfic wise) and other stuff, so recently I felt I need to write another fanfic about Hisoka Morow♠️♣️🃏♦️♥️ I really do apologize to any1 who has requests that I'm still keeping to work on and who I agreed with taking on the requests with, for prioritizing getting this fanfic completed before getting of of the requests completed🦋 I have my reasons why I felt I need to work on this fanfic🦋🃏

*This fanfic contains usage of letting the reader have options of their gender identity, despite of being born, as female (even if your gender identity is still female you can use that as an option of your gender identity, as female is included) and contains 1 or more long paragraphs😅

♣️♠️Your Boyfriend, Hisoka...🃏The Man Who Will Stay By Your Side, No Matter What♥️♦️(Hisoka Morow x AFAB (Assigned Female At Birth) Reader)

Genres: Angst to Comfort (with a kiss part before the ending of this fanfic) (Warning⚠️: Murder (and mentions of murder), blood and gore, mentions of (past) abuse, and mentions of gender identity)

You have been in a relationship with, Hisoka Morow for a few years, however the issue is that he only gets to see you once in a while, due to you traveling by yourself due to what was for unknown reasons at the time. Even tough you and your boyfriend, Hisoka would know somethings about eachother from time to time from the both of you bumping into eachother occasionally, ironically despite of him reading you like a book, he still had a hard time figuring you out, as it's also really ironic that you know him better than he knows you and you definitely know more about him than he ever knew about you. He always tries to know more about you and to know you better, as he does try his hardest to be genuine with you (more genuine with you, than he would have been with anyone else), you back away from him, as you kept saying that you're not worth for him to be close to before saying that it's not him it's you, as if you felt he wouldn't understand or that you're afraid of yourself.

You first met Hisoka after you got your Hunters License from passing your Hunters Exam, as he decided to fight you to see how strong you really are. He became really impressed with how you were using your nen and how you were fighting him, so before you or Hisoka were about to defeat eachother he decided to stop the fight and let you live, considering he would rather wait until another time to continue having you fight him. He would ask what's your motive with becoming a Hunter, before you only told him, you ran away from home and that you wanted to live your life that way. Before your first time of parting ways with Hisoka, you both exchanged cellphone numbers with eachother, while the both of you introduce yourselves to eachother, making your relationship with him official, right away.

A few years later, Hisoka still couldn't figure why you ran away from home or what your "dark secrets" could be or why you felt that you should travel all alone by yourself. Gon and the gang were the only ones who noticed you travel by yourself a lot, despite of Hisoka being your boyfriend, as Gon asks him about why you travel alone a lot, which Hisoka wasn't sure, as Hisoka asks Gon about you, as Gon nor the rest of his gang knew about you either. Hisoka then knew he had to makesure he physically keeps close to you next time both you and Hisoka see eachother.

One day when you bump into Hisoka, he madesure you don't part ways from him this time, as you were reluctantly convinced (by Hisoka) to let him travel with you. He was very happy that he got to travel with you, despite of your warning to him about that something bad always happen no matter who you're around and who's around you, hinting to him this would be a bad idea and he will regret traveling with you. Surprisingly, he has been well behaved with you, despite of his usual bloodlust and fighting desires in his own ways with almost anyone else.

A few nights later, as Hisoka thought he was still snuggling with you, he woke up to notice you were out of the tent you recently shared with him, as he ended up overhearing a major altercation that lead to a major fight that ended with a deadly blow, which woke him up. When he got out of his tent, he was surprised you were covered in blood, with all of the organs left of the intruder you have killed. He walked up to you, as he said, "Even tough I was concerned about you not staying with me inside the tent, I'm glad you fought well, and that you're still alive. Would you like to wash up? You have some explaining to do!". You reluctantly decided to get yourself washed up at the river near both you and Hisoka, as you know he's right and you really felt guilty for killing your opponent for any reason.

As you got yourself (and your clothes you were wearing) washed up, you tried to apologize for what happened between you and the intruder earlier, before Hisoka assured, "It's fine, my deity... I'm surprised you got that much strength in your nen... I have plenty of kills that I've committed and have skeletons in my closet, especially for my blood lust and great fights... I'm sure I've done worse... I just am proud of you, (AFAB reader name)!". "I don't think you understand, Hisoka! That's my life of I either eventually everyone turning on me or I hurt them, even when I don't want to! Even before I started my journey to pass my Hunter's Exam to even get my Hunter's License, I became a killer! What if I kill you or you find a reason to turn your back on me?!", you snapped. Hisoka was shocked about what you just said he calmly, replied, "Wow... I never knew you felt very low about yourself... Your life must have been rough before you ran away from home, to start you journey then... If you don't mind, I would prefer you talk about it! I am curious about you after all! You're actually the most mysterious person I've ever met and known... If you refuse to talk about it's fine, however you're still stuck traveling with me for life, regardless if you let me know you more or not! After all, I may read you very well, I just feel you're also not easiest for me to figure out, unless you tell me more about yourself... I will be by your side no matter how bad your past is... I will be waiting for you to spill out your feelings, desires, your heart, and everything else to get you to stop carrying those rocks you've been carrying for a very long time! There's no need to stay a lost pony forever, like you think there is...".

You were very hesitant to talk about personal stuff, pertaining yourself at first, however you knew Hisoka has a point, as you began to realize that no matter his motives, you had no choice with talking to him about your personal life, no matter how much it hurts you nor how much you felt it could give him a reason to leave you behind. You then explained, "The intruder I killed, has been after me since I ran away from home, because I have killed my mother after I snapped due to not being able to suck up her behavior and abuse towards me, so when I snapped, I accidentally used my nen to kill her, by stabbing her through her heart, leading her to bleed to death... It was my breaking point to run away, since no one would ever believe that it was an accident that I killed my own mother with my nen! I mean, if I never was to kill her, no one would have accepted me for who I am, regardless if I finally see sight of my true self or not... It's inevitable that people either turn on me, treat me bad, or I hurt them... I'm very convinced that I was always a bad person, since then, even if people tell me... Or I want to see... That I'm good... It's just that... I never truly fit in... I never belonged... I never even was truly accepted by anyone... What makes you think you will stay by my side, for how horrible I am?!", as you began to sob. At this point he felt sad for you and he's willing to do his best to help you the best way possible, while proving to you that he's not like anyone else.

Hisoka then quickly took his night shirt off, as he then went in the water to get very close to you, until he holds you into his very own hug. He then letted you know it's alright for you to continue, if you like to continue, even though he reassured you reasons why not to think extremely low of yourself. When you weren't feeling as emotionally choked up you continued, "For most of my life on and off, I have been afraid of myself the most... More than I fear anyone else... More than I am scared of anything else... This is a big part of why I try to travel all alone, no matter what happens... I need to take everything in my own hands, all by myself... I just felt it's set in stone for me to be all alone, no matter who I'm around, I will always feel like I'm alone... I am the vast minority, after all... There's also this secret I have that no one knows... I'm not sure, if you're aware of this, however despite of the gender I identify as, I have my reasons why I take being an assigned female at birth in consideration, Hisoka... I hope that you can and be willing to accept me for who I am after I tell you my true gender identity...".

Hisoka was surprised to hear that you're assigned female at birth and you kept secret about your true gender identity. He smiled at you as he calmly, responded, "Regardless of what your gender identity is, ofcourse I would be willing and able to still accept you for who you are, my dear... By the way, if you don't mind me asking, what is your true gender identity, darlin?". As you stopped sobbing, procceding to look at him, noticing that gentle, genuine, smile on his face, letting you know it's okay for you to tell him, as you then replied, "My gender identity is (up to the reader's imagination of the gender identity the reader tells Hisoka)...".

After you told Hisoka, your true gender identity, he was very delighted that you're honest with him about your gender identity and his true colors showed that he really meant what he said, as he accepted you for who you truly are and is willing to stay by your side, no matter what you truly are and/or who you truly are. The next thing, Hisoka did was that he decided to lock lips with you, as the both of you passionately kiss together. Once the both of you finished with your passionate kissing with eachother, the both of you decided to swim in the river together for the rest of the night.

Eversince that night, you became a much happier person, as you have grown out of your shell more and you atleast gradually became yourself more and more, each day, to the point that your boyfriend, Hisoka even notices, which made him very delighted about how much you have improved with finding your identity and finally discovered your true self. Because of what happened that night with Hisoka comforting you, you have even finally managed to be yourself without the fear of judgement, worries of having to people please, and cares about keeping others happy, which made him very proud of you and very glad he decided to travel with you when he did and you're also glad he decided to travel with you, too. Your relationship with Hisoka has gotten much better, after the night he comforted you.

♥️♦️The🃏End♣️♠️

I do hope this Hisoka fanfic I worked on has made your day and/or night Tumblr Peeps🌞☀️🌝🌕 Any reader who is Afab and still identify as female, I still will honestly validate this😃👍I was originally gonna have the reader as female reader, however I did notice the other Hunter x Hunter fanfics that I have written are strictly for female reader, so I figured I'd do something a little different with this particular Hisoka Morow fanfic and write Afab reader for those who still consider themselves females, those who identify, as a different gender that is a gender identity (including gender fluid) that is or may be female and another gender, and those who identify as a completely gender that is not female at all (including agender)🤔💡While there are other characters I could have chosen for the similar plot, as this fanfic, however I felt in my heart that I wanted to write about Hisoka, when it comes to the plot of this fanfic and what lead to the reader's explanation💡🃏😃👍As for those who I still have unfinished requests that I agreed to work on and requests that I'm sure I will be able to complete that are still in my inbox, I still plan on working on requests, so while I still plan on working on these requests and I do feel guilty about completing and posting a fanfic before any requested fanfics, I also felt guilty for not completing any fanfics more, however I promise I will eventually get the requests done soon as I can focus on the requests while not unconsciously disconnecting from myself fanfic wise, as I'm trying to find ways to focus on completing the requests😅🧠🤔💭 Anyways have a wonderful day and/or night every1☀️🌞🌕🌝😃👍

[tangleofgold]

hunter x hunter is so good. i keep recalling things from the hunter exam and going like “oh. that’s nen. that’s what he’s doing there”

[taichissu]

honestly cant understand people who see a/3 charas as their y1 ages

[hisokas-toybox]

Hisoka themed collage I wasted spent the day working on for the Greed Island challenge (card #29)

[mayxo-hxh]

a lil hisoillu edit i made years ago. Theyre sleepy! 💤🛌

Looking at it now, I feel like I could do much better. I mean heck, I should at least put them in comfy pjs and put hisokas hair down and remove his makeup! But back then, just doing this was an accomplishment for sure!!!

[eszera15]

Hisoka x Illumi dynamic in my head:

Hisoka and Illumi: *buys dress and matching heels* Illumi: *wears the dress*

Hisoka: *wears the heels*

[thehuntyhunties]

my gf still hasn't finished the greed island arc (it's been years) so obviously she hasn't experienced a significant portion of hxh or met certain crucial and important characters. which means there were MULTIPLE moments at Flame Con today where I saw a choice Alluka and/or Nanika fanart, pointed and went "oh!" excitedly, and then turned to her only to say "wait you don't know them. never mind."

[lordartsy]

Hisoka in my mind for 10 hours straight please take this doodle

[staraxiaa]

💕!! for being kind and lovely, have a kiss on the forehead ! pass it on :3

beaming this back to you !! i hope you’re well <3

i love u <3 hope u r well too !!!!

[bungeepuppet]

i can't believe hisokas apparent drink of choice is scotch on the rocks and not some fruity galaxy glitter cocktail🍸

[jinxedfuture]

OUUU... OUUUUUUU

[autisticmisumi]

Why have I seen so many people lately saying gekka is the same as harugumi or tasutsumu... There's an entire event story abt how their relationship is the same as blood siblings (and these events where they're also compared to blood siblings on a smaller, but definitely still notable scale) + being taken in and raised by the same person as family is VERY OBVIOUSLY different to being in a theatre troupe together or being childhood friends??? Like sorry but if you think those are the same/on the same level I think you might just be stupid

[ryndicate]

"I guess its the clowns for me rn"

It's 6 am and I think I just woke up my neighbors laughing 😂

Lmaooo listen we both know he is one 😂😂

Also it's like 11pm for me now and I feel bad for how late I answered this but this morning was a nightmare for me 😅