#his whole deal is like constantly trying harder despite the circumstances. and yet he's a patriarch

[aliusfrater]

the spnisms of walker r literally everywhere in that damn show. jensen (barely) had the winchesters and jared created a whole different show and used the same core themes

[retro-scorpio]

The Arcana Meets The Devildom (Part Six)

Lucio’s Relationship With The Other Obey Me Characters

Lucifer: Despite the similarity of their names, the two men are two entirely different people to the point where Lucifer really doesn’t want anything to do with Lucio (although Lucifer’s opinion of Lucio is nowhere near as bad as that of the Lucio Haters). At least with Mammon, Lucifer can trust his brother to not mess up the important things (like looking out for the other brothers when he’s not around). Lucio, meanwhile, finds Lucifer to be way too uptight for his tastes and feels like he has had a stick up his ass for far too long. Obviously, Lucio receives help from Lucifer to return home to Vesuvia, but it’s more through the relationship the Avatar of Pride has with Julian and less through Lucifer’s feelings about Lucio.

Mammon: When Lucio and Mammon are together, they are a worse duo than Asra and Solomon. At least Asra and Solomon look out for other people besides themselves from time to time (especially Luke). Lucio and Mammon, meanwhile, are a pure force of chaos who bring out the worse in each other. Never, under any circumstances, allow the Avatar of Greed and the Vesuvian count to enter a Devildom casino, for they will cause thousands of Grimm of physical and emotional damage (that Lucifer will have to pay for, much to his dismay). Mammon and Lucio are as thick as thieves, and they bond over how they’re often the scapegoat for everything that goes wrong, even if they aren’t the ones who started it or did anything wrong.

Levi: Lucio and Levi really don’t have anything to do with each other. When Lucio is over at the House, Levi is either in his room or at RAD (and based on the things Levi has heard about Lucio, the Avatar of Envy would like to keep it that way; there’s no way he can deal with two Mammons).

Satan: Satan is torn about how he feels about Lucio. On the one hand, Satan hates how Lucio leaves his room a worse mess (than it already is) every time he’s in there to attempt to help Julian and Asra with research, and Lucio is so boisterous that it’s much harder to get any reading, academic or otherwise, done. There’s also a part of Satan that, while he hates to admit it, takes Lucifer’s opinion of people very seriously, and he feels pressure to not be overly fond of Lucio as a result of Lucifer’s words about and actions towards the Vesuvian count. On the other hand, the Avatar of Wrath finds Lucio to be very fascinating. Lucio may tell tall tales about his life in Vesuvia, but tales are tales, and Satan finds them very entertaining. Plus, Satan can’t deny that Lucio has a certain charm about him that draws people to him (even if the attention isn’t always good). It’s not like Satan has a crush on Lucio, though. There’s no way a quiet man such as himself could develop feelings for someone loud and bent on destruction, right?

Asmo: Some would say that this is a perfect match, for Lucio are Asmo are both vain creatures that put themselves above all others. However, this similarity is the very thing that causes them to initially bump heads whenever they so much as meet each other’s glance. Their arguments can be boiled down to who is adored the most, and they constantly feel the need to show up one another. After a while, though, Asmo and Lucio slowly become more friendly towards each other when they realize that they are both very insecure about people’s perception of them, and they try to help each other to work through their insecurities. Eventually, they can occasionally be seen in Asmo’s room, exchanging beauty secrets.

Beel: Beel and Lucio don’t see each other a whole lot, and so they fade into each other’s background. As long as Lucio doesn’t eat any of his food, Beel’s just fine with Lucio’s presence at the House.

Belphie: Belphie’s greatly amused by Lucio’s antics, and the Avatar of Sloth may or may not instigate things with Lucio for his own amusement. It takes Lucio a while for him to realize this about the youngest demon brother, but when he does, he (oddly) begins to respect the power that Belphie has. They have been found napping together on numerous occasions, although neither one of them can remember how they ended up in the same room, much less practically on top of each other (which makes Satan blush if he is the one to find the duo napping).

Simeon: Like Satan, Simeon has a bit of a crush on Lucio. Unlike Satan, though, Simeon feels more comfortable with expressing his feelings towards the Vesuvian count. In the back of his mind, Simeon knows that Lucio isn’t the best type of partner for him to have, but there’s nothing wrong with fantasizing every now and again, right? Lucio is completely oblivious to Simeon’s feelings towards him, and Simeon’s perfectly content to keep Lucio in the dark (unlike Asmo when it came to Julian). Besides, it would seem as though Lucio has his eyes on someone else, and Simeon’s not about to get in the way of his friend and roommate’s fun.

Solomon: Out of all of the possible romantic relationships that blossom out of Julian, Asra, and Lucio’s arrival to the Devildom, no one, and I mean no one, expected Solomon and Lucio to be the first pairing to actually hook up with each other (away from the prying eyes of everyone else). It seems unlikely that Lucio would ever be attracted to someone who was as similar to Asra as Solomon is, and yet the bruises and light scratch marks all over Solomon’s neck, arm, and back tell a different story. Perhaps it’s Solomon’s brand of slyness that draws Lucio in. As for Solomon, he can’t deny that the Vesuvian count’s quite handsome, and he has left some marks of his own on Lucio’s body. Solomon knows how Simeon feels towards Lucio, and he has thought about adding the angel into the mix. However, he must be very careful not to let Asra know of any of this, for Asra would most certainly turn against him and probably curse him for hooking up with the man that took his parents away from him.

Luke: While there are no romantic feelings involved, Luke is in a similar predicament to Satan when it comes to deciding how to behave towards Lucio. Luke wants to be a good angel, and he believes that good angels don’t spend any time with the likes of Lucio unless it’s to help convert them and help them see the good of God. However, Lucio is just too entertaining for Luke to simply ignore. He does feel a bit more comfortable after he and Simeon have a talk, but there’s still a part of Luke that feels like he’s breaking the rules whenever he has (innocent) fun with Lucio. Meanwhile, Lucio treats Luke in a similar fashion to Little D.

[hargrove-mayfields]

Just A Dream Away

Chapter 13/13 read here on ao3!

for @harringrovebigbang

~~~~

Just as they had predicted, it really wasn’t easy.

Billy spent a lot of time in his first few months back constantly breaking down. Everything from his basic needs, where he couldn’t hold down any foods, the sunlight was painful, and wheeling around a damn thirty pound cart just to breathe was just inconvenient, to his social life, where he was dealing with the stigma of being zombie boy 2.0, and the harsh realization that he had killed his own best friend, but also that he had to cope with knowing his abusive father had mourned him, was now thrown off, and after living so long on the other side with no way, or not time really, to cope, he was lost in the real world.

When anything went wrong or made him upset he’d just shut down and cry, leaving it up to whoever’s care he was in at that time, be it his family, the one he was born into or the one that he chose, or his therapist, to figure out how to help. He always felt stupid, like some bratty toddler throwing tantrums over not getting his way instead of like the survivor he was.

Like somehow he could fight dozens of interdimensional monsters twice as big as he is, but he couldn’t handle a little bit of stress or discomfort.

Thankfully, with a lot of reassurance and promises under their breath, they were able to move past that stage of recovery rather quickly, and the hardest part from there was just deciding what to do with their lives next.

Before the world ended, Billy was ready to study sports medicine at SCU in the fall, and Steve was thinking about following him out west to get his masters in teaching. That’s of course not what happened, nor is it going to work out at this rate, at least not until Billy gets the clearance to breathe on his own, so it’s back to the drawing board, deciding between the only two choices they really have.

Either they were going to head back towards Cali anyways and just wait to start the rest of their lives there, or they would stay in Hawkins and set up while Billy recovered. The choice was obvious to both of them.

After all that had happened, all that time that had been lost, the unnecessary grief they had all suffered, there was no way they could leave now, ditching to California would only put distance between them and the people they cared about, while the memories, the nightmares, and scars would always follow them wherever they went.

So they start looking for places in Hawkins, which turns out to be a lot goddamn harder than they thought it would be.

A house won’t fit into their budget, though even if they did, they’re pretty sure that two guys in a town like Hawkins wouldn’t have been able to buy a house together, so they look for apartments instead, so they can file as roommates. That’s no easier, because everywhere they try to go is either roach infested, or full of smokers and pets, and the very last thing Billy needs to get better is a bunch of their neighbors giving him asthma attacks on the daily.

John Harrington made it very clear that no rapscallion punks would be staying under his roof, and Billy himself had decided that, despite Neil Hargrove’s turnaround, he was never going to let Steve anywhere near the man, especially not after they were outed to him. Right now, he could walk away with his peace of mind and at least a smidgeon of respect for his father. He wasn’t willing to jeopardize that, or Steve’s safety just to move them into a house full of bad memories.

Close to deciding that maybe their only choice was to book it after all, Robin approaches them with an offer. She says she’s going to be commuting to Ivy Tech for school, and since she won’t be home most of the day anyways and Steve technically already has a room there, that they’re free to move into her apartment.

If it wasn't for their circumstances, they’d never have taken her up on that offer, but seeing as they don’t have anywhere else really to go, they decide to accept, but only if she agrees to let Steve pay part of her tuition at least.

Billy has a hard time agreeing to that, Robin to him a reminder of Heather, and Heather a reminder of what he did, but eventually they have a talk about it, and they both cry, but things turn out okay in the end between the two of them.

So by spring of the next year, they have their things packed and a list of days to expect a phone call from Max, and they’re out of their respective homes, dragging into Rob’s place what few possessions they had to call their own.

Billy isn’t allowed to lift more than fifteen pounds yet for fear of collapsing a lung, so his job is mainly to point to where he wants things and change his mind so Steve has to do all the hard work, the both of them all light and laughing at themselves, giggling like their younger counterparts until their newly allotted room is at least semi presentable.

They still have a long way to go, in their decoration skills yes, but also in the recovery aspect, both physically and mentally. But for now, they get to be happy, and appreciate what they have: eachother, a newfound sense of security, and a boundless love that could stand the trials of grief and separation, and would definitely be able to make it through the unknown that lied ahead.

Billy is alive. And Steve is whole once again.

[eagles-translated]

Analyzing the writing of Eagles

Here's a post I've been wanting to make for a while! I've expressed my thoughts on some of the storylines in previous posts, but I've never done a complete post on the writing of the whole show. I've divided this post into separate parts, focusing on each season and its plot points. Keep reading to see my analysis of the writing in Eagles! 👇 Word Count: 18k

If you've stumbled upon this post from the Young Royals or the Beartown tag (tagged them since I've drawn some parallels from those shows), here's a brief summary of what Eagles is, which you can watch with English subtitles here. This post contains Eagles spoilers from 1x01 - 3x10.

Eagles is a Swedish TV show that revolves around a few teenagers living in the Swedish ice hockey town Oskarshamn while experiencing friendship, love, and rivalry on the ice.

To start this off I would like to say that I have no experience with professional screenwriting and if anything, this is just a way for me to procrastinate on actually writing my own projects.

I love experiencing new stories and when I discover one I really like it's just natural for me to branch off with "what ifs" and to start wondering how the story would've turned out if some things were changed. Sometimes it's with a storyline improvement in mind, and other times it's just out of plain curiosity.

You might feel like this post is leaning towards the critical side, and I can definitely understand why since there are a lot of small details that I've picked apart from all seasons. I added a section for each season with things that I thought were really well done so this post wouldn't be too negative.

I actually did enjoy all seasons and I feel like the quality of not just the writing but every single thing has steadily increased each year.

Season 1: Tropes and clichés

Eagles premiered its first season in 2019 and was, despite many negative reviews, a big success among its target audience. Every episode on SVT Play amassed around 700 000–800 000 views and there didn't seem to be any doubt that the show would get renewed.

What the critics had issues with were that "Eagles rarely takes the unexpected path, and feels like a slightly soulless product of studied target group thinking a little too often," (Karolina Fjellborg in Aftonbladet) and "In Eagles, the characters seem to be locked in the role of a "teenager" but the humanity is missing. They've simplified the construction of the character," (Django Lorentzson in MovieZine).

Eagles was unfortunate enough to constantly be compared to SKAM in its infancy, and that's a tough comparison to live up to. SVT sort of shot themselves in the foot as they were the ones who contributed to it. While the show was still in the casting process, SVT wrote an article hyping the show up as a Swedish SKAM (which has since been edited, but led many to falsely believe that it would involve all the familiar SKAM characters with some hockey elements sprinkled in).

So, why exactly did critics think the first three episodes of the show were predictable and soulless? Well, it's pretty simple. They'd seen it all before. The setting, the characters, the storylines—just in different TV shows and movies.

Season 1 for me is nostalgic and very enjoyable despite its clichéd nature. I also felt like I'd seen the show before due to its generic storylines, but there is a reason why tropes are tropes and why clichés are clichés. It's because they're tried and true, and actually somewhat good writing tools as long as you expand on them. The keyword here is to expand—a story doesn't magically become good simply because you mimic something another writer has done. Tropes are fine to use but you can't just apply them and stop there. Everything in a story needs to be developed in order to be good.

It's safe to say that it's pretty much impossible to write a story without any tropes that have been used before. Striving to avoid clichés at all costs in hopes of making your story as original as possible is harder than it sounds, and almost impossible to boot. Here's a great piece of advice for aspiring writers written by a user on Carvezine:

[...] if you look down at your story and are worried it’s already been told before – don’t spend another second thinking about it. It has. A million times. The only difference is that it hasn’t been told by you. Accept that regurgitation is part of writing, and just do your best not to regurgitate the same way as the guy next to you. We’d all do well to acknowledge there is at least a portion of our stories that are really someone else’s. [...] Beyond that, write with the motivation that if you don’t get around to telling your story, eventually somebody else will.

Even the greatest books have storylines with some clichés. And that's not really a bad thing, either. Think about it. How many times have you decided to binge a TV show solely because it reminded you of another series? Or picked up a book simply because you love a good enemies to lovers romance, a battle between good and evil fantasy, or whatever it might be?

I found this article from Masterclass that perfectly describes what tropes are and why they're used. It's written from the perspective of novel writing but it is still applicable.

A trope in literary terms is a plot device or character attribute that is used so commonly in the genre that it’s seen as commonplace or conventional. For example, a trope in superhero stories is a villain who wants to take over the world. Tropes are popular for a reason—if something has been written about over and over again, there’s a good chance that it’s something readers enjoy reading! Tropes can be helpful, but a novel made up only of tropes will quickly start to feel stale and predictable to readers. That’s why you need to read up on tropes—and then innovate. Deliberately taking a favorite trope and turning it on its head is a great way to put your own unique spin on the genre and keep your readers interested.

Eagles, in its first season, didn't really do a lot of expanding upon the tropes they used and it's understandable that they were still trying to find their footing. I can also imagine it's difficult to do so when you only have eight 20 minute episodes in the season.

However... There definitely should've been more work put into these characters to make them their own. It's tricky, yes, but still achievable if you don't abandon them in their cookie-cutter form and try to actually decorate them with something unique and fresh.

So, how did they write their characters?

Felicia's character and backstory

To start off, Felicia is a famous influencer known for starring in a reality show next to her former NHL professional father. There's already a clear disconnect because it's hard to relate to a character with such a public past and large following. But it is 100% possible if you let the viewer know the character has humane qualities just like the person watching the show.

Look at Wilhelm from Netflix's Young Royals, another Swedish TV show. Wilhelm is the prince of Sweden, set to attend a prestigious elite boarding school, and is the heir to the throne. That doesn't exactly sound like a relatable scenario, does it? And yet the writers make it work because when we're introduced to Wilhelm we realize he's just like everybody else. He wants a normal life, he latches on to his older brother for support, he has anxiety, and he struggles between following his heart versus doing what his family is expecting him to do. A lot of these factors are relatable among the audience.

So, let's look at Felicia Kroon. She is in many ways portrayed as the main character of the show. Eagles starts off with her family having moved to Oskarshamn and the following episodes focus on her developing relationship with Ludde as well as her traumatic past. There's almost too much focus on Felicia here, and I'll get back to that.

Comparing Felicia to Wilhelm from Young Royals, they're both well-known teenagers with famous parents. Of course they have different circumstances considering Felicia is Instagram popular and Wilhelm is a blood royal, but in the grand scheme of things they're similar. Felicia is even referred to as a "Kroon princess" because of her last name Kroon bearing a resemblance to the Swedish word kronprinsessa, meaning crown princess.

The students of their respective schools treat their attendance as a big deal when they first arrive and then Wilhelm and Felicia start spending time with the "popular" crowd despite not really fitting in there.

I personally found it easy to relate to Wilhelm but difficult to relate to Felicia. Some people may feel differently, but her character is basically a popular party girl who attracts the attention of one of the school's star players and is "welcomed" by the popular crowd on her first day of school. I put welcome in quotation marks because Klara, the leader of the girl group, isn't exactly the most welcoming person but she does welcome Felicia to the school. My point is, Felicia doesn't have a lot of relatable traits in the first episodes.

Felicia then goes on a date with the guy she's met, Ludde. Okay, so there haven't been that many layers to her character yet. We're at the third episode and so far she's been kind of flat.

Near the end of the third episode, we get some depth to the character and we hear her back story.

Felicia: [...] We don’t have a good relationship, my dad and I. And that’s probably why we moved from the beginning, because he’s an idiot. We’ve never been close, but… Elias and he have been since they’ve had hockey. [...] And mom has been really involved, so… And I… They’ve never really cared about me. And… And I haven’t really been a problem either. I’ve had good grades, good friends, and… I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I don’t talk about it to people. [...] I just felt so fucking lonely and invisible. I was worried all the time, couldn’t sleep, panicked because I couldn’t sleep… So I started going out more. It went overboard. It started affecting school, my grades slipped… I started taking things to be able to concentrate. Everybody does stuff like that. And then I still couldn’t sleep, so… I started mixing with sleeping pills. And there’s always wine and booze at our place. I don’t want this to come out, that’s really important. Ludde: Of course, I’d never tell. Felicia: One night, something happened that made me… Act out of control more than usual. I woke up the next morning in the hospital. So they sent me to rehab. It was really rough for mom and dad that I was suddenly in focus. When I woke up, dad wasn’t even there. Ludde: What made you take too much that night? Felicia: I’d forgotten my phone at home, so I ran up and got it while my friends were waiting in an Uber. Then I came into the hall and I heard noises. You know, like, when somebody is doing it. Ludde: Okay. Felicia: And I thought it was really weird because mom wasn’t home. So I went into the living room… Dad was fucking my mom’s best friend. On the rug below the couch.

This gives Felicia more layers and does separate her from every other "popular pretty party girl" trope that you see on TV. But this is a huge info dump, and that's a problem. I would've liked to see this happen on-screen instead of only being told what went down. The golden rule of Show don't tell, as people like to say.

Show, don’t tell is a writing technique in which story and characters are related through sensory details and actions rather than exposition. It fosters a style of writing that’s more immersive for the reader, allowing them to “be in the room” with the characters. In his most commonly repeated quote, Chekhov said, “Don’t tell me the moon is shining. Show me the glint of light on broken glass."

This back story could've been more impactful that way if, perhaps, the show began with Felicia in a hospital bed with a strong headache and hazy flashbacks of that night where she saw her dad sleeping with another woman. Then we're introduced to her mother and brother sitting next to the hospital bed tired and worried, and Felicia notices her dad isn't present. They tell her Felicia is being sent to rehab and then there's a time-jump before we see the Kroon family having moved to Oskarshamn.

That's just an idea I threw together at the top of my head, but you get my point. It would've been more interesting if we knew from the beginning that Felicia had a traumatic past like this, leading the viewer to want to know more about what actually happened.

We did get a brief flashback at the very beginning of the show—we see Felicia partying with her friends and taking some pill before lying unconscious on the ground. There's also a glimpse of Ludde's car accident with Andreas yelling at him to get out of there.

That segment only lasts for around 45 seconds and it's easily forgettable upon your first viewing of the show. It's also hard to even recognize Felicia in the dark nightclub setting with the flashing lights. Some dialogue in that short scene could've made it more memorable, because I found that when I first watched season 1 I remembered Andreas yelling at Ludde despite that being drowned out by the music.

Ludde's backstory was way more well-done, in my opinion. We see him having crashed the car and bleeding from his head. He looks terrified and almost frozen by fear, needing to be pulled out of the car by a panicked Andreas yelling at him to bring Ludde back to the reality of the situation. We see Andreas yelling and pointing, telling Ludde he needs to run now. It's more powerful when we get to see it.

And in episode 8, when we learn the truth of what happened, it's not a long and dragged-out monologue. It fits into what's going on in the story. Felicia and Ludde have known each other for a few months now and are much closer than they were on their first date. They've had disagreements and fights, but at this moment they're in a good place.

And it feels like the right moment for Ludde to come clean about what happened to him.

Ludde: Hey… There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. Felicia: What? Ludde: About… My brother. It’s not really as everybody thinks. Felicia: What do you mean? Ludde: That night when he crashed… It wasn’t Andreas who drove the car. We were on our way home from one of his buddies. We’d had some fun drinking. And then… I’d just started learning how to drive. So I nagged and nagged at him. Felicia: So you were the one driving? But he’s an adult- Ludde: He was drunk as hell. He was going to leave the car, but I thought it was so cold and it was only three blocks away so I thought that I could drive. Felicia: And what happened? Ludde: It was slippery and really dark… And a car came. I hit the brakes in time, but it… Yeah. Right after he pushed me out of the car and yelled that I should run home straight away. He really didn’t want me to get into trouble. So, yeah… It was fucking bad luck. I want to just gather everybody and scream that it was me. Felicia: Hey… I love you. Ludde: I love you too. I love you so fucking much.

As Ludde is telling Felicia what happened as the other car came, we see a silent flashback of it along with Ludde's voice narrating. We see Andreas pulling him out of the car and yelling. Cutting to this scene that we've already seen in the beginning but might've forgotten about is a smart choice and makes the story Ludde is telling more real. We see it unfolding as Ludde is telling this to Felicia. It's a powerful scene.

We then see Felicia hugging Ludde from behind, a sign of support with no words needed. She tells him she loves him and Ludde says it back. It's an honest and sweet moment that comes at a perfect time in the story. It's not too early like Felicia's backstory was.

I sort of understand why Felicia's backstory was info-dumped because it was right before the drama of Mats accidentally spilling the beans to Klara's family. They wanted the audience to know what happened to her early, so they could move on to the plot point of Felicia thinking Ludde was the one who told everybody.

But we don't need every single detail of Felicia's story. Let it come organically. The only thing that was really needed was for Ludde to know that Felicia had struggled with drug use and was sent to rehab for this storyline to work. The reason why could've been saved for later, and it would've made for a more interesting reveal. Maybe just have Felicia allude to seeing something that night, but don't tell the viewers right away what it was.

In 1x06, Felicia is incredibly upset when she hears that her dad was the one who told Klara's family what happened to Felicia in the US. And rightly so.

Felicia: Don’t you get it? You ruined everything! Mats: What? Felicia: You told the whole damn town about me! About the US! Mats: I really didn’t mean to disclose you- Or disclose us. Sorry. Hey, sorry. Flisan, please. Hey. Felicia: Did you tell them you fucked mom’s best friend too? Yes, I saw you.

If this had been the moment where we first find out what Felicia saw, it would've been more surprising. Our reaction would've mirrored Mats's, and it would've been more heart-wrenching to know that Felicia was traumatized by an affair her dad had only to be cheated on herself in the very same episode.

Ludde's problematic nature

One of the scriptwriters of Eagles, Fanny Ekstrand, was interviewed in the behind-the-scenes documentary Edvins Skådisdrömmar. In this interview, she states:

Ludvig, he's the one who's been the easiest to retain the personality of. Because he's so... He's calm and friendly, but he makes dumb decisions. Ludvig isn't a typical hockey guy. He has a bunch of other qualities—music being one of them.

I found myself slightly disagreeing with this take, despite knowing Ekstrand is literally a part of the writing team and most likely helped shaped Ludde's personality. I just interpreted Ludde's character (at least in season 1) differently.

I also didn't find him that much different from any other typical hockey guy just because he happens to have another interest. That's a bit like saying Archie Andrews from The CW's Riverdale isn't a stereotypical jock because he also plays the guitar.

In season 1, we see Ludde break into the rink because he wanted to test out the ice. He just loves hockey that much. He also uses it as a way to express frustration and anger, which we saw in 1x05. He flirts with the new girl in school and in the beginning he even uses it as a tactic to gain a position on the main hockey team. This was confirmed by the creator Stefan H. Lindén in his Q&A, where he said:

My idea has always been that Ludde was blown away by Felicia and that he really likes her but that they both initially interacted and met to go swimming because Felicia knew it would piss her dad off and Ludde knew that it might throw Elias off since they were competing for the same position in the team.

I would say that the characteristics of a typical hockey guy would be someone like Adam—obsessed with the sport, flirting with girls, going to parties, and just spending a lot of time in the rink. Ludde checks off all of these points. However, I will give this the benefit of the doubt since season 2 Ludde seems to change a lot and it's easier to interpret him as the calm and friendly guy he was supposed to be in season 1.

So to me, Ludde wasn't calm and friendly at all. In season 2, yes, but when we're first introduced to him?

Ludde shows anger issues and violent tendencies in 1x05 when he head-butts Elias and breaks his nose. It's violent and messy. He then yells at Felicia to leave when she's trying to communicate with him and belittles her drug problems solely because she's rich. To me, Ludde wasn't a nice person in 1x04 either when he let his friends make suggestive comments about Felicia and what she was like in bed.

Omar: I can tell you one thing - you’re not borrowing my towel today cause I don’t know where that dick has been. Adam: It’s nice when she sucks, right? Omar: Can’t you tell us some more, does she bite you or is it just really, really nice? [...] Adam: Is that what you sound like when you’re coming? What does she sound like?

This was described as "locker room talk" and the writers probably wanted to show an authentic view of what being a hockey player is like. I understand that. But it's a little problematic when it's later swept under the rug and treated like something that we're just supposed to accept.

Elias: [...] it’s not very fun to sit in a hockey locker room where people are talking about how nice it is to fuck my sister. Felicia: Ludde would never say anything like that, you know that. Elias: He wouldn’t? It’s a locker room, Felicia. That’s the only thing they talk about.

It did not sit right with me how Felicia seemed to be the one Elias blamed in this scene, and Ludde and his friends never faced any real consequences for what they said. Elias did lash out at Ludde, but there was no severe consequence for Omar and Adam's comments.

Compare this scenario to another Swedish show, Beartown on HBO. Beartown is similar to Eagles and focuses on a hockey team in a small town with one of the star players hooking up with a girl who's recently moved to their small town.

This girl is raped by the hockey player. And because of his status as the star of the team, he has almost the whole school behind him. The girl however is labeled as a lying slut. It's unfair and frustrating to see it happen, but it's authentic and done in a way that doesn't glamorize the ugly side of hockey culture.

Eagles is not as dark as Beartown so this comparison might be a little unfair. Beartown's whole storyline did revolve around this incident while in Eagles the hockey culture is treated more as a side thought. It's like they decided to throw in a taste of what goes on in a locker room just to create drama without really addressing it further.

Beartown did a much better job of portraying the problematic and toxic elements of hockey culture without making it seem like it's just something normal that we should accept. It was honest and raw. If you haven't seen the show, this short video does a great job of depicting how much thought was put into the toxic hockey culture, winning mentality, and subsequently hockey players thinking they're entitled to do whatever they want.

So, to respond to Ekstrand's quote from Edvins Skådisdrömmar—I did not experience Ludde as a "good guy" who only makes dumb decisions at all. In season 1, he's a bad person for letting his friends sexualize a girl he likes and letting her brother hear their disgusting comments. He's a bad person for fighting with her brother and later yelling at her, saying her drug issues are insignificant despite acting supportive of her only two episodes earlier.

I don't mind conflicts like these because they drive the story forward. I didn't particularly like Ludde in season 1 because of the reasons I just stated, but they're necessary to create drama and make the show interesting.

It's just weird to me how one of the writers is saying that Ludde is a calm person and a good guy when that is not at all how I interpreted his character.

Eagles is a show targeted towards a young audience, among them probably a lot of easily influenced pre-teens. What kind of message does this send to them when the guy letting his friends sexualize a girl he's slept with and on top of that laughing at their inappropriate comments is referred to as the good guy?

Klara is mean... What else?

From the moment we're introduced to Klara, it seems obvious that she'll play a living and breathing version of the infamous Alpha Bitch trope. She's also a prime example of the basic Popular is Evil trope and has her own Girl Posse consisting of Sara and Amie.

Klara feels threatened by the arrival of a potential new popular girl, Felicia, and does everything in her power to bully Felicia to show dominance. She barely shows any good sides of herself.

The only instance I can think of where we sort of see season 1 Klara in a positive light is when she talks to Amie in 1x05 about their friendship and then accompanies Amie to her audition for the school band.

Klara: Ever since Felicia started at school… It’s felt like you only hang out with her and that you’ve forgotten about me. She like took you from me. Amie: But I haven’t forgotten you. Klara: No, but do you get what I mean? Amie: I get it, but I haven’t forgotten you. Klara: No, I know. Amie: I know, but it just turned out that way when school started. Klara: Okay. Amie: But I’m sorry. Klara: It’s fine. Amie: Are you sure? Klara: Yeah. You can make it up to me when you go on your world tour.

Klara is really supportive of Amie's musical endeavors, but she also uses her support as a way to alienate Felicia from the girl group. It's very on the nose and kind of feels suffocating in the way it's written.

Klara: Amie, did you remove the clips? Amie: Yeah, she said they weren’t good. Klara: She’s just jealous. It’s so obvious. I mean, I’m jealous. You sing absolutely amazing. I don’t know, I just think it was really rude of her to sit in the cafeteria and criticize you like that Amie: Yeah, maybe. But she apologized. Klara: But still. That clip of you in the bathroom… Like… Sorry, but I’d be so mad if someone had posted something like that of me. I mean, you were standing there without makeup, completely non-fixed up. And the whole thing with her filming you without you knowing. That’s really weird. You don’t do that. Don’t you think so?

I'm sure there are plenty of people who act like this in real life. And maybe that's part of the problem, because Klara in season 1 really isn't an interesting character. We've met this person before and we know exactly what she's like. There's nothing new to discover. So season 1 is essentially just Klara being petty and rude every chance she gets, and to me it felt like a large part of her character was written just to stir up drama.

In 1x06, we see Klara backstab Amie by filming her making out with Ludde at her Halloween party. But I thought it was established in 1x05 that Klara feels like Amie was taken from her? And if Klara actually cared about Amie and didn't want to lose her as a friend, she wouldn't just stand by and watch with her phone recording the whole thing. It doesn't make a lot of sense.

Klara even made that whole point about how it was really weird of Felicia to film Amie without her knowing. So why would Klara do it, when she expressed that's weird and not something a normal person does? Is that supposed to be foreshadowing? Because if so, that's a clear contradiction and not how foreshadowing works.

When Sara happens to see the video on Klara's phone she immediately says that Klara should delete it.

Sara: What is that? Did they know you were filming? Klara: No, of course they didn’t know. Sara: Oh my god, Klara. You should probably delete it. Klara: I’m going to! But it’s crazy, right? Sara: Yeah, god. But seriously, delete it. Klara: I’m going to.

So Klara says she's going to delete the video. But it's still unclear why it was filmed in the first place if Klara insists that she's going to delete it. It's not like she filmed it just to show it to Sara either, since Sara wasn't meant to see it and only saw it by chance while swiping through Klara's photos on her phone.

It doesn't make sense for Klara to film a video like that of her best friend that she's supposed to care about. It doesn't make sense for Klara to film a video of anybody without their knowledge when she previously made a big deal about how you shouldn't do that.

What Klara's character is, is a bad attempt at the classical mean girl. She's clichéd, boring, and full of tropes.

Even her eventual character development is riddled with tropes like the Heel Realization where a character realizes they're actually one of the bad guys. This realization seems to come in 1x08, where Felicia calls Klara out on her behavior.

Felicia: You know what, Klara. I’m so fucking tired of your fucking comments. You didn’t get to be Lucia this year. Poor you! Was dad unable to fix that? Cry then, Klara. Cry. You’re so fucking mean. Everybody here is tired- Everybody here is scared of you. Even those who liked you once, they can’t take it anymore. Klara: That’s not true. It’s not true. Felicia: Yes, everybody is scared of you. You know what? Look around. Show people some fucking respect. Klara: Well say something, Amie! Amie: What is there to say? She’s right.

Klara needed a wake-up call like this. It's just unfortunate that she goes back to her mean girl behavior and posts the video after Amie insinuated that Klara wasn't a real friend. Klara already knew that Amie felt that way since she said Felicia was right in her assessment of everybody being scared and tired of Klara. So wouldn't it have made more sense for Klara to post the video right after that moment instead of during Amie's performance?

Or rather, why not pull a Subverted Trope and not have Klara post the video at all after she realized how horrible she'd been acting? That would've made me respect her so much more and be a great introduction to her character development in season 2.

The Halloween Incident

To me, the whole Halloween episode was questionable. First off, we never got actual confirmation of what happened in that room between Amie and Ludde. Some viewers insist that they only made out and others believe they went all the way. Here's what the creator of the show, Stefan H. Lindén, had to say about this in a Q&A post he did:

I think if you went into the writers room of Eagles and asked all of us what really happened in that room [between Ludde and Amie at Klara's Halloween party] we would all have different answers.  I know what happened, but I’m not sure we will ever truly know for sure, unless Ludvig or Amie eventually are open enough to admit to anyone what really happened.

This is kind of a vague answer, but that's fair considering that when Stefan did this Q&A the latest episode that had been released was 2x05 and he probably didn't want to spoil anything. However, looking back at this answer knowing how the season turned out I still feel like it's unclear what happened. It's also strange that Stefan seems to be saying that they never actually decided what happened between them since the writers "would all have different answers".

1x06 was just an odd episode for me overall. Lots of things felt rushed and underdeveloped. Let's not forget that this episode also contained, in my opinion, some of the weirdest lines in the whole show (along with Elias's strange monologue about plague vampires).

Ludde: Hey, I only have like 3%. Do you have any power? Adam: Are you wondering if I have a power bank in my shorts? It’s coming-

Ludde: I like shellfish. (said to Amie, wearing a lobster costume)

Up until this episode, Ludde has shown zero interest and attraction towards Amie. We are basically told that Ludde only hooked up with Amie because he was so drunk that he practically had no idea what he was doing.

In 1x02, we see a drunk Amie try to kiss Tobbe and upon getting rejected she moves on to make out with Adam. She gets overly friendly when she's drunk so the fact that she makes out with Ludde later is... Weird, but not entirely out of the realms of possibility.

Ludde on the other hand is moping about Felicia all night. He regrets how he yelled at her at the end of 1x05 and it shows. He's trying to drown all his problems in alcohol and it seems to be working, because when it enters his system he seems to be on top of the world.

What I found kind of ambiguous in this incident was if Ludde even remembered what happened that night. He was drinking so much compared to Amie, who doesn't really need as much alcohol before she reaches her "overly friendly" state. I thought for sure that Ludde was oblivious to the situation when he woke up in his bed the next day and immediately messaged Felicia.

There are just so many questions to unpack here that were never answered. What prompted Amie and Ludde to go into that empty room? Why did Ludde come with her? Why didn't Adam seem to care about this, when he'd been sitting next to Ludde and taking care of him most of the night? And as I wrote before, why would Klara film this video of her best friend when she previously expressed that was a weird thing to do?

There's just too much in 1x06 left unanswered. The Amie/Ludde hook-up was a badly executed plot twist because there wasn't anything hinting that this would happen. It just came out of nowhere.

Unbalanced screentime and Elias's wasted potential

A large portion of season 1 was dedicated to Felicia. This was kind of a let-down for me since I thought more focus would be placed on Eagles as a hockey team (after all, that's what the show is named after). I also thought more attention would be on Elias since he's the talented star player who's supposed to live up to his father's legacy.

The show starts with a couple radio hosts hyping up how Elias Kroon, son of the legendary Mats Kroon, is going to join the Eagles hockey team.

Host #1: [...] It’s finally official. New center in the junior team - Elias Kroon, son to the legendary NHL-pro Mats Kroon, who has now chosen to move home from the US to his hometown where Elias will play in his father’s old club Oskarshamn Eagles. Host #2: This is so freaking cool. Who doesn’t want a Kroon on their team? Host #1: We hope that he’ll take a spot on the A-team.

But we don't learn a lot about who Elias actually is in the first episode. The attention is on Felicia and her interest in Ludde.

Elias is so discarded that he barely has anything to say in the first couple of scenes we see him in. Here are all his eight lines in 1x01, and I'm not even joking.

Elias: Yes. Elias: Shut up. Elias: Ow. Elias: It's fine. Elias: Really? Elias: Fucking hell. Elias: I'll stay here. Elias: No, it's fine.

In 1x02 he has even fewer lines. Three, to be exact, and all he says is that his injury is a sprain and that it's fine. Essentially just an echo of two of the lines he had in the previous episode. It's nothing new.

There's a way to have a character stand out when they don't have many lines, but Elias just fades into the background with every other extra. There's too much time spent on having other characters talk about Elias than us actually getting to know him. So when we do meet him, it's pretty underwhelming.

Compare Elias to his sister who gets so much more attention from the writers. I don't really understand why either, since I thought Elias was a much more interesting character than his influencer sister. Felicia's character only seems to revolve around a guy. I wonder how many times we've seen that before?

In 1x02 we see the Eagles hockey team play their first game, but Elias is unable to play and has to sit in the stands for what was supposed to be his debut match. Why? Because during a hockey practice session in 1x01, Adam rams his stick into Elias to purposely injure him. I mean, fair enough. Adam is trying to get Ludde on the main team since he and Elias are competing for the same position. The shot of Adam smiling after Elias sprains his wrist is a bit too on the nose, but whatever.

What this does is minimize Elias' presence in season 1 by a lot. We don't see the son of the legendary NHL professional play an actual game until 1x05, which is more than halfway into the season. It's kind of disappointing but I understand the injury is done to dramatize his situation.

Elias barely gets his own storylines in the first few episodes. He just has things done to him instead of acting on his own. When we do see him on screen he gets injured by Adam, reprimanded by his father, and later told he can't play in his debut game.

His sweet side (or any side of him, really) isn't shown until 1x03 when Amie wakes up at the Kroon house and Elias reassures her that they didn't do anything together and that she can borrow Felicia's clothes.

Elias doesn't really do much for the plot until he hears Ludde's friends objectify Felicia and he starts a fight with Ludde and confronts Felicia about it. That's when it feels like Elias is actually a part of this show instead of just being an extra shoved into the background. His actions are finally affecting the plot.

Elias's potential in season 1 was hugely wasted. The only episode where we actually got to see him shine was 1x07, when he travels to Karlskrona with Amie. We find out he doesn't want the hockey arrangement his dad has planned for him and that he's actually a pretty goofy guy who likes making jokes (and eating green candy).

If less time was spent with Felicia and the distribution of every episode's 20 minutes was more balanced, season 1 could've been massively improved. It got much better in season 2, but season 1 suffered and made many people think that Felicia was a basic and unentertaining character.

The side characters and their comic relief

So one thing that I found really disappointing with Felicia's amount of screentime is that we barely got enough time for the other main characters, let alone the side characters.

What I mean here is that the only people we really know on the Eagles hockey team are Ludde and Elias. Ludde's friends, Adam and Omar, just feel like comic relief sidekicks. We don't really know what they're like, besides the fact that they like to make jokes and mess around.

This issue is largely created by the short running time the episodes have along with season 1 only having eight episodes in total. That's definitely understandable. It did get better in season 3 where we see Ludde having a deeper conversation with Adam and Omar and they finally don't just feel like the comic relief characters, but actual people with layers.

Ludde: I’m going to quit hockey. Adam: Are you serious? Omar: What the hell are you saying? Ludde: It’s not the same anymore. I’m not passionate about it. I… Yes, it sucks, but… I’ve thought about it for a while now. Omar: We make jokes about it and all, but… Yeah. It wouldn’t be the same without you. Kingelikingen. Adam: I get that it’s a tough choice. But yeah… You’ll work things out. You and Felicia. You always do. Ludde: You guys are pretty awesome sometimes, actually.

This scene was really sweet, and I wish we could've had moments like this between the guys in season 1. Just one scene to show that they're not just the "typical hockey guys". It feels like Ludde was the only person on the team in season 1 who wasn't just a background character. Even Elias, who you would assume should be at the forefront, isn't properly developed until 1x05 where we see him defending his sister and starting a fight with Ludde. Otherwise, it very much felt like Elias was kept in the background.

There are also guys on the team called Herman, Simon, Näslund, Ekbäck, Hoffmann, Berglund (even Montell, which was a fun nod to the show's director)... But who are they, actually? Do you even remember their names? To be honest with you, I don't. Because they're just names—not actual characters.

None of the other guys on the team get any depth. They're just sort of there as extras and to give the audience a sense of comedy with their "hockey team shenanigans". This was illustrated in 1x08, where Adam and Omar make their teammate Liam do a "sexy dance" on a table because he lost his virginity. Or a more extreme example—Jönsson, who only exists to be the comic relief and the unlucky guy who just can't catch a break.

In 2x04, Jönsson is told by Jack to do extra time in the gym and gets told off when he only spends a few minutes on the exercise bike. Later, Jack also makes a joke about how he should get Jönsson a defibrillator. In 2x09 Jönsson invites Ludde, Adam, and Omar to come to his mom's place to hang out. After he's left, Adam makes a comment about how there's no way he's going to "rot" in Jönsson's apartment that doesn't even have a balcony.

Don't get me wrong, these scenes aren't bad and I don't mean they should've been scrapped. Comedy can absolutely have its place in a show like this. Let's take the scene where Ludde flashes a couple of unfortunate old ladies on his first date with Felicia as an example. It feels like something a teenage boy would do to try to make a girl he likes laugh. It's a brief scene and it's nice to see Ludde being able to goof off only moments after talking about Andreas. We know that's a touchy subject for him.

However, it feels slightly overdone sometimes with how almost everybody on the hockey team is only there for comedic purposes and to fill space. It's more refreshing when they're shown to be multi-dimensional. I wish this is something that the writers would've considered when the show is literally titled after the hockey team, yet most of the hockey players are hardly in the story.

To add to this, it felt like Sara and Tobbe completely disappeared from the story in season 2. With Sara we understand that she probably didn't want to hang out with Klara anymore after knowing she filmed the Halloween video and posted it on Instagram, so that's fair. But it would've been nice to see Tobbe stick around in season 2, and I'll get back to why I think that.

The potential of season 1

When I look back on season 1 I feel really nostalgic. No matter how many small details that irked me, I can't deny that the setting of the show is beautiful and I really appreciate the depiction of it. Instead of showing Oskarshamn as a boring small town, we're shown the beauty of it which is incorporated into the storylines.

Some examples would be Ludde and Felicia's first date at Gunnarsö and walk through Havslätt, the gorgeous view of the Oskarshamn harbor from Klara's house Villa Högklint, and Badholmen where the school band performs and we later see Elias and Amie walking by in season 3. All these places are listed on the Eagles Oskarshamn site and I feel like they did a great job tying the storylines in with the locations.

Another aspect of season 1 and its writing that I really enjoyed was Elias and Amie's budding relationship. They just have a natural chemistry together and the dialogue between them also felt authentic and sweet.

Season 1 is just a very polished teen drama overall compared to some of SVT's previous series.

Back in 2007-2010, SVT used to air a soap opera-style show focusing on a few teenagers living in Gothenburg that was called Andra Avenyn (translation: Second Avenue). I was only seven at the time but I watched this show religiously as it aired three times a week. Just mentioning the show brings a lot of nostalgia.

Andra Avenyn amassed around 500 000 viewers per episode and was, just like Eagles, nominated for a Kristallen television award. But how good was it, really? If I take off my rose-colored glasses for a second and actually consider the show's highly dramatized storylines and unlikely scenarios, it had a tendency to drag on (which usually happens with soap operas). It didn't offer a realistic view of teenage life and on IMDb it currently sits at a rating score of 5.6 stars out of 10.

Comparing this old teen series to SVT's newer one, Eagles season 1 was a huge improvement and continues to be the most popular teen series that SVT has aired so far.

This idea and all the characters have lived in Stefan H. Lindéns mind since 2008, while Andra Avenyn was still on the air. It's actually amazing how high the quality of most TV shows has risen since then. Eagles has a rating score of 7.4 out of 10 stars on IMDb and has become internationally known in a way that Andra Avenyn never was.

Eagles season 1 laid the groundwork for SVT's most successful teen series of all time, and that's a huge achievement.

Season 2: "Subverting expectations"

When Eagles came back for season 2, the script made it kind of obvious that the writers had listened to the critique of season 1 being predictable.

I did find season 2 a huge step up from season 1—the directing was so much better and when it came to the script we got a deeper look into all the characters that they hadn't really scratched the surface of in the first season. My main disappointment however was that it felt like they threw in a bunch of weird plot twists just for the sake of "subverting expectations".

The core idea of subverting expectations can be great if done correctly. You lead the audience to believe they know what's going to happen, but then you surprise them with an unexpected and clever twist.

A post in Cinematography written by Mason Leaver defines the phrase of "subverting expectations" as:

[...] a method of surprising the audience with some element of a story, be it the plot, themes, characters, etc. This goes beyond a “twist” in a film. Expectation subversion actively works within the genre of a story, and attempts to reinterpret or subvert the conventions of that genre, breaking patterns in surprising and interesting ways. However, this method of surprising the audience is not always well received- it can sometimes be the source of heavy criticism from fans of the tropes which have been subverted.

This included "unexpected" relationships such as Elias/Klara and Amie/Ludde. The former actually worked, but the latter? Not so much.

Amie's crush on Ludde—make it make sense!

Amie and Ludde were my biggest issue with season 2, and it felt so out of character of Amie to be head over heels for Ludde. They work great as friends but romantically they're a huge mismatch.

But they have music in common, I hear you say. Yes, they do. But having a shared interest doesn't mean people are automatically a good match. You have to consider their chemistry and overall compatibility.

Before actors are cast in a show or movie where their characters will be romantically involved with each other, it's common to do what's called a chemistry read. Here's a neat description from an article in Backstage written by Caroline Liem:

Chemistry is the complex emotional or psychological interaction between two people. If this were a romantic article, it would be about love. Instead, we are discussing the astonishing rapport between two actors, and how that connection is achieved in order to book [...] the role. A chemistry read is an opportunity to read with actors being considered for a role opposite yours, usually lead roles. The main purpose is to see how you instinctively connect and work with the other actor.

This obviously wasn't done for the actors playing Amie and Ludde, since there didn't seem to be any intention of having their characters be involved in a romantic relationship.

That was even confirmed by Stefan H. Lindén in his Q&A of season 2, where he said that a love triangle between Ludde/Felicia/Amie was planned but later scrapped.

I can confirm that from the beginning of development of the series and the first version of the storyline a triangle drama was at some point intended for season 1 but later removed  – however when creating the characters, Ludvigs skill in music and arts was always there from the beginning so by knowing that, we always knew that interactions would appear between them. When looking back at Season 1, in the first scene by the lockers when Amie tells Felicia who Ludvig is, she does know exactly who he is and she is well aware of that his friend Tobias is a music guy that Amie wants to get to know. Also when looking at it, when I was the same age as Ludvig and Amie I, and I am sure a lot of people can relate to it, fact is that we never really knew if it was love or friendship in the beginning.

Knowing that the triangle drama was scrapped for season 1, it makes sense why it seems so arbitrary. There was no groundwork laid down for this pairing before it was hastily thrown together in 1x06 for a cheap plot twist. This continues in season 2, where Amie and Ludde start spending more time together. Yet it's hard to see Ludde as a potential love interest for Amie in the way the writers want us to. They still come off as friends despite having hooked up at a party.

I mentioned that Tobbe should've stuck around for season 2 and here's why. Tobbe was written to be the leader of the school band that Amie later joins, and he was friends with Ludde before the video was posted. He would've been a perfect fit for the Amie/Ludde music storyline but he's completely absent. He had the potential to be the person who could've helped them with the song a little and then later picked up on whatever there was going on between them.

I think the Amie/Ludde storyline could've hugely benefitted from a scene between Amie and Tobbe, where Tobbe asks if she actually has feelings for Ludde and we get to hear exactly what Amie is feeling. Maybe she's torn, not wanting to get together with Ludde because of how much they hurt Felicia, but at the same time finds it hard to suppress her feelings. A scene like that would've allowed us to get into Amie's head and make the Amie/Ludde storyline much clearer.

To add, this storyline was in desperate need of more interest from Ludde's side. There needed to be some indication from him that would make Amie believe he liked him back, even if that wasn't the case. All we get is Ludde complimenting Amie's song and then a hug in 2x05 when Amie says the record label in Stockholm wanted a meeting. And apparently, that was enough for Amie to think Ludde was interested in her despite him blowing off the Stockholm meeting and Amie hearing Ludde say that the Halloween incident was a mistake.

Ludde and Amie don't really mesh as well as Elias/Amie do or even as well as Ludde/Felicia do. Elias and Amie had sparks flying from the very first scene they shared. That pairing is one of the main reasons why the show became popular internationally, and why is that? Because of the actors' chemistry.

Amie and Ludde are a clumsy attempt at throwing together two people who don't really work together with the intention of "subverting expectations". And I suppose that's what the writers wanted to depict—an awkward crush that doesn't really make sense, which I'm sure many people have experienced as a teenager. That part is fine. But what I didn't like about this storyline is that Amie had no good reason to believe Ludde would be interested in anything with her beyond a platonic friendship.

While season 2 was airing, I was convinced that Amie wasn't actually in love with Ludde. She was just lonely after the aftermath of the Halloween video and mistook her feelings for Ludde as love when she just appreciated his company. Here's what I wrote:

So as we know, Amie kissed Ludde in episode 6 when he was in the hospital after having been injured during the hockey game against Karlskrona. She immediately seemed to regret having done that and ran out without an explanation, leaving Ludde alone and confused. I honestly don’t think Amie has any romantic feelings towards Ludde. I think she might mistake her feelings for a crush or something, when in reality she’s just lonely and appreciates Ludde always being there for her and giving her compliments on her musical ability. Ludde was complimenting Amie at the hospital, saying she was amazing, and I think Amie was just really touched by that and maybe wanted to thank him somehow, and ended up kissing him. And then she freaked out and left because oh my god did she really just kiss Ludde. It was an uncomfortable and awkward situation and that’s probably why she ran out. However, I really believe that if she had just stayed to explain and apologize, Ludde would understand and they could’ve just laughed it off. But this is a drama show so of course that wouldn’t happen! Do I think the writers are making them into a couple? No, definitely not. They know that season 1 was sort of predictable and cliché, so they’re making season 2 as different as possible by including these unexpected pairings such as Klara & Elias and Amie & Ludde. But Amie and Ludde won’t ever be a couple, because Ludde is still very much hung up on Felicia. I don’t see them as a couple either - yes, they have music in common, but they work way better as friends than in a relationship.

In Edvins Skådisdrömmar, which is a behind-the-scenes documentary of Eagles season 2, writers Fanny Ekstrand and Michaela Hamilton discuss the writing of the show in the documentary's third episode. The third episode is mostly focused on the lead-up to the scene where Amie kisses Ludde at the hospital. Adrian Öjvindsson, who plays Ludde, says:

Filming the kissing scene was [...] awkward and weird, actually. And that's how it ended up. Yandeh and I haven't really had any intimate scenes. In this case you could take in that it was weird, because that's also what the scene wanted to depict.

When Edvin reads the script, he describes the scene as a "nightmare" scenario. I agree. And the lazy build-up to this Awkward Kiss trope doesn't make it any better, because just like the Halloween incident this doesn't make a lot of sense.

It's supposed to be awkward and weird, just like Adrian said. But he also mentioned one of the most important details: Yandeh and I haven't really had any intimate scenes.

Before this kiss scene, there was nothing that indicated any chemistry between them. No accidental hand-touching, no longing stares, no nothing. Just a friendly hug. A proper build-up to the kiss scene would've made it feel less out of place.

The love confession from Amie to Ludde in 2x10 really threw me off as well. The confession to me made no sense and honestly felt like a prank call. There was no feeling behind it and zero reason for Amie to believe that there was a chance Ludde liked her back.

At the end of 2x08, Felicia goes to Ludde's house after he's confessed the truth to the police about the Andreas situation. Amie happens to overhear the conversation and she hears Ludde very clearly say that he's not interested in Amie.

Ludde: Felicia, there’s nothing between us. Between me and Amie. It was really the biggest mistake of my life. Felicia: Goodbye, Ludde. Ludde: Felicia, please!

Amie, now having her heart broken, crosses Ludde's name off the contract while crying. She knows he doesn't feel the same. So why would Amie even bother to call Ludde up to tell him she's "in love with him"?

Amie: [...] Hey, Ludde… Ludde: Yeah? Amie: It feels really weird to hear our song now. Because I know who the lyrics are about. And… And I… I really like you. Or, well… I’m in love with you. I just need to know how you feel. Or if you feel anything. Just tell me. Ludde: I’ll always want to be your friend, Amie, but… It’s Felicia I’m in love with.

This moment is on par with the awkwardness from the hospital kiss between them in 2x06. The second-hand embarrassment with this one was really rough, and what I don't understand is why this was even added to the script when Amie had already gotten the confirmation that Ludde didn't think of her in a romantic way. This storyline could've ended in 2x08 after Amie overheard the conversation between Ludde and Felicia.

It really didn't need to drag on for the whole season, essentially making Amie's whole storyline in season 2 about a guy. Her moment of finally getting signed to the record label was ruined when it could've been regarded as a fresh start if the storyline had just ended where it should have.

What this storyline did instead was ruining my favorite friendship of season 1, which was Amie/Felicia. This mess made it so hard for them to reconcile and they didn't end up properly addressing it until 3x09, spending almost two whole seasons mad at each other. It sucks that the writers decided to drag out their fighting and disagreements for this long when they could've instead shown two girls in solidarity who don't let a guy get between them and their friendship.

Amie apologized in 3x03 for how she hurt Felicia, but Felicia made it clear in 3x06 that she still harbored ill will towards Amie for what happened at Halloween (which in the timeline of this show was more than a year ago).

Felicia (to Amie): Are you going to start slobbering with [Elias] now too? Just give me back that sweater first, I don’t want slobber on that. Thanks.

I talked about how much I disliked the Amie/Ludde storyline in this post, with my main reason being that it really messed up the character dynamics that were established in season 1.

This storyline [of Ludde and Amie hooking up]—along with Amie falling in love with Ludde—is by far my least favorite one because it messed up the whole character dynamic. I feel like Amie and Felicia won’t ever go back to the kind of friendship they had in season 1 before the Halloween incident because the trust was so broken, and Amie really should’ve tried harder to apologize to Felicia like Ludde did instead of going after her best friend’s ex in season 2.

If there's just one thing I could change about this show, I would 100% get rid of the Amie/Ludde storylines. There is nothing that annoyed me as much as those storylines did.

Amie's musical ambitions

I've talked about this a bit before in another post because this was something that really bugged me about Amie's character in season 2. Here's what I wrote:

I honestly still feel like Amie’s whole storyline with sending in a rather basic demo written by two teenagers with little to no experience and then getting praised on it [by the Stockholm music producers] with comments such as “it’s going to be a real summer hit” felt so unrealistic to me. Maybe they only said that so Amie would accept their offer or something, but that’s still very strange because she would have still said yes without a doubt. I can understand that they thought Amie was marketable as a person and there was this bonus with her having gone viral before on Felicia’s Instagram, but that demo did not seem good enough for me to be immediately released as a single and then have them decide on the spot that Amie would be given a contract. I mean, come on. It never felt earned because we never really saw Amie struggling with her songwriting journey to achieve this dream. Sending in one demo to one record label and having them immediately want to make a whole album with you just doesn’t happen in real life unless the song is extremely good or you have a very unique voice. Amie is really talented but there are hundreds of people just like her, if not thousands. I was never convinced by her getting signed so quickly in season 2. I understand that they wanted to establish her as a successful artist [at the beginning of season 3], but that felt so rushed. I was so sure that the record label would screw her over and steal the song rights to record it with another artist who was already established, and that we’d have to see Amie work even harder to achieve her dreams. But we didn’t get that at all. Where was the struggle? [...] Of course I wanted to see Amie achieve success (and I was happy when she did), but the journey there was so bizarrely easy. She didn’t start to seriously work on making her music career become a reality until season 2. Amie had dabbled in music prior to that, like when she auditioned for the school band and did that performance of Follow, but she didn’t truly start to work towards it until season 2 when she decided to have her work sent to professionals in the business. And then, just five episodes later, she gets contacted by the record label in Stockholm. To put this into context—season 2 took place somewhere around March, and episode 5 around three weeks into April. So when Ludde first started helping Amie it took less than two months for her to get signed. You could argue that the song was just that good or that Amie is just that talented, but it never felt like a realistic storyline to me.

It's tricky to write a storyline like this when you only have ten 20 minute episodes in the season and a limited amount of screentime for every character. All that is understandable. But it's strange that they didn't opt for a time jump to really sell this storyline and make it believable.

Eagles uses time jumps a lot, but somehow this particular plot point was omitted from that and kind of glossed over. I don't really understand how they expected us to buy this storyline. The viewers aren't stupid, and more effort should've been put into this storyline.

In the post where I wrote this, @gajana18 also had an interesting thing to add:

[...] it's equally unrealistic that this huge record company would be hounding Amie, a teenage onehit wonder essentially to come back to the label- don’t they have other bigger artists?

This is a very strong point. Considering how Amie kept expressing that she wanted to finish school and then proceeded to ignore their calls, it's weird that they didn't just decide to discard her contract when Amie clearly wasn't taking her singing career as seriously as they wanted her to.

So, back to season 2. Maybe they could've gone with the record label stealing the rights to Amie's first song and screwing her over. This fuels her to try again and after a time jump of a few months we see Amie having worked really hard on a new and better song. Maybe even a whole album. And this time, she's learned from her past mistakes and improved her songwriting. This time, she's successful in her endeavor and it feels so much more earned after knowing the struggles she's been through to get there.

I also feel like a storyline like that would've made people sympathize with Amie more in season 2. It was really hard to root for her when she had nearly screwed Ludde over by not giving credit to his songwriting and saying "fuck him" when he didn't return Amie's feelings.

Klara's character development

When we're introduced to Klara in season 1, she's a stereotypical mean girl with wealthy parents who is the popular girl at school and has her own followers.

In season 2, the writers decided to develop the character. We find out Klara has issues at home and her mom is barely there. When she is, her parents will start fighting. Klara is feeling really lonely and doesn't really hang out with her friend Sara as much as she used to.

I appreciated the added depth, but it seemed like a drastic shift. The changed perspective could attribute to that but when you step back and really look at s1 Klara and s2 Klara, they're like two completely different people.

Maybe Klara's reputation suffered after she posted the Halloween video? Maybe she had a change of heart after Felicia finally confronted her during Lucia? I mean, I guess.

But what most fans (including me) didn't like about Klara in season 2 was that there were no clear consequences for her after she posted the Halloween video. Klara still hangs out with what seems to be the popular crowd and she has people to go out with. In a post I wrote last year about my thoughts on season 2, I wrote this:

I actually wish that Klara would’ve become more ostracized from her school friends to emphasize how alone she is, but she seems to still be pretty popular so that was kind of disappointing. I thought the fall-out of her posting the video would be worse, but I guess not. Anyway, I like that they’re taking a disliked character and making her into a better person. Feels like it’s been done a few times before, but I still appreciate them doing it. I hated s1 Klara for being so one-dimensional, but s2 Klara is well on her way to being a pretty good and nuanced character.

Her character development sort of comes a little out of nowhere, though. Her reputation wasn't ruined by posting that video and she didn't really lose any friends besides Sara (she had already lost Amie prior to posting that video considering what Amie said to her after Lucia in 1x08).

So what prompted Klara to become this whole new person who actually considers other people's feelings in a relatively short amount of time? Here's a conversation between Felicia and Klara in 2x07.

Felicia: Was there anything in particular you wanted to talk about? I understand that we’re not best friends just because you and Elias are together. We’re not here without a reason, right? Klara: No, I get that this feels weird for you. And if you don’t trust me after everything that’s happened - or that I’ve done. Felicia: Klara… Klara: I know that I haven’t acted like the world’s best person. And I regret that. Sorry.

But why does Klara regret her past behavior? What made her realize she hadn't acted like the "world's best person" if the ramifications from posting the Halloween video were so minimal?

Was it the relationship with Elias that made Klara change? No, I don't think so. When they first start talking at the bar in 2x03, Elias tells Klara that he doesn't always agree with Felicia and that he has his own viewpoints. In 2x07, he says Klara wasn't the one who messed up, but rather Amie and Ludde. And in 2x09, the script tells us that the Elias/Klara relationship seemed to bring more change to Elias rather than Klara.

Felicia: What did you do to him? Klara: What? Felicia: He’s smiling. Elias is like a whole new person since he met you. Klara: Stop. Felicia: I mean it!

So what made Klara change? In 1x08 she's mocking Felicia's drug problems and posts a video that will for sure ruin Amie's reputation. But at the start of season 2, she's suddenly become more withdrawn and considerate of people's feelings.

I can only name one factor that actually makes sense, and that's the fighting between her parents. Klara seems to turn into this quiet child when she has to listen to her mom and dad yelling at each other. This is something that didn't really begin until season 2, when Ola's company GECED started going under. This storyline was very well done.

But the other things, like Klara's reputation and friend group which you would assume would be affected, remain as they were in season 1.

Jack's sudden character change

Jack came into season 2 as a charming and charismatic character, seemingly fooling everybody into thinking he was a good guy. He knew the Kroon family from before and both Felicia and Elias were none the wiser when it came to the eventual reveal of his true colors.

Here's what Stefan H. Lindén had to say about the Jack character in his season 2 Q&A:

Bringing Jack in was actually originally not my idea, it came from my writer colleagues after that they revised my storyline notes for Season 2, while I was still down in Oskarshamn shooting Season 1. We had always intended for a character to come in and raise the stakes but I never imagined it to be Jack. When we started to develop the character, we all started liking him so he was kept in the story. Like with any new character we never really know who they are and what [the] point of them for coming in is [...]

Personally, I feel like the point of Jack's character is pretty obvious. When he first comes to Oskarshamn he is very much the embodiment of the new love interest coming in to date the girl who has broken up with her previous lover, while the previous lover still loves her and does anything he can to get her back although she's dating someone new. Jack is the Romantic False Lead trope who later becomes an alpha-dog Jerkass.

What I found interesting about Jack compared to Klara (in season 1) is that Jack isn't just a bad guy. He's very clever with his manipulation tactics and can easily charm people with his good looks and charisma.

When Felicia accuses Jack of cheating in 2x07, he manages to spin the whole thing around and make Felicia apologize to him and say it was stupid of her to believe he would cheat on her. I talked about this in a post while the season still aired, before Jack's true colors were revealed. Here's what I wrote:

I still don’t know if Jack really is cheating on Felicia with Olivia (the girl that texted him) but I would say he is. Jack is incredibly confident and charming, which makes him able to easily lie and manipulate people. We know he’s not an entirely good person since he’s already lied to Elias about not knowing that Mats would bring him back to Eagles. I wouldn’t be surprised if he really did hook up with Olivia and ended up being a really good liar. The fact is that not only did he deny it but he then shamed Felicia for blaming him and causing a scene, ultimately shifting the focus in the argument to her and making Felicia feel bad that she even confronted him in the first place. Jack says that maybe they shouldn’t even be together, which causes Felicia to backtrack and apologize. It’s actually pretty impressive how Jack was able to spin that around to blame Felicia and make her apologize.

Jack is able to take a small detail and use it as ammunition to get what he wants. In this situation, he brings up the girl in the Stockholm club that Felicia partied with and also kissed.

Jack: You shouldn’t accuse me, either. Felicia: What? Jack: I saw on Instagram, you and some girl in Stockholm. Have I whined about that? Coming here and blaming me for things, it feels really immature. Felicia: Fuck. Sorry, Jack.

Jack wasn't bothered by that at all. It happened before Felicia and Jack were even an official couple, and all they had done was hooking up at a party while Felicia was high. Jack, having cheated on Felicia, couldn't care less about the random girl Felicia kissed. That was just something he used to manipulate her.

When we discover that Jack is actually cheating on Felicia, he immediately reverts to a one-dimensional "evil" character. He's become the 2.0 version of Klara in season 1—written in just to stir up drama.

This "master manipulator" version of him just goes down the drain and Jack turns into a manchild who starts petty fights, files a police report because Ludde pushed him, and says to Felicia "I'm gonna tell on you!". Alright, maybe those weren't his exact words, but you know what I mean. It's a sudden shift and you start wondering how Jack was able to hide this version of himself so well before.

In 3x05, Jack sees Ludde and Andreas after a hockey game and fumbles trying to find any insult he can to hurl at Ludde. Everything he says from that point on is just line after line to really solidify that Jack is the bad guy. You didn't forget that, right? Here, let's have Jack call Felicia a druggie so you know just how shitty he is. And have him call Andreas a junkie later for good measure—there, that should be enough for people to understand that Jack is the villain here.

Jack: Johansson! Ludde: What the hell are you doing here? Jack: What does it look like? Ludde: I guess it’s you I should thank for the victory. Nice work. Jack: What is Felicia doing these days, then? Does she miss me? Ludde: Hey, you’re shutting up now, do you get it?! Jack: Jesus Christ. Do you think you can save her? What do you think she even sees in you? You two play in different leagues, Ludde. Ludde: You have no idea what we’re like. Jack: Come on! You should leave her. While you can. She’ll just pull you down into the dirt with her. You’re no hero, Ludde. Isn’t she still doing drugs? Once a druggie, always a druggie, right?

Jack is a horrible person, but at least he was able to pretend to be a good guy in season 2. And that was actually really fascinating. I wish we could've seen more of Jack's manipulative side that he showed in season 2 instead of making everything coming out of his mouth be a half-assed attempt at insulting the other person. That's a pretty boring villain, in my opinion.

Jack's backstory of his father being an alcoholic and him starting to resent the whole Kroon family because they had everything growing up while he didn't is interesting. It would've also made more sense if his anger was only directed towards the Kroon family since they're the ones he grew up with. They're the ones he was after the whole time.

His anger towards them feels cheapened when Jack also starts insulting Andreas (who he's probably never met before) for no good reason. It's like Jack's human qualities are just gone and all that's left is this empty shell made to start fights. His backstory didn't really make anybody sympathize with him, either.

The improvements of season 2

What I liked about the writing in season 2 was that they explored new ideas and had some solid storylines (besides the mess that was Amie and Ludde). Elias and Klara actually worked pretty well as a couple, even if they were pretty much the 2.0 version of Felicia/Ludde as the "wealthy, popular pretty girl starts dating the star player on the sports team".

Felicia finally gets some more depth. The scene at the end of 2x02, where Felicia and Leila park their car near the harbor and just start crying, is so powerful.

2x05 is also one of my favorite episodes of the show, as well as the ending montage of the 2x10 season finale. In Gameday, we had a very touching scene between Felicia and Mats where they finally communicate. It's not the most understanding conversation but it's a start. It's an interesting contrast between their talk in 1x06 where Felicia revealed she saw Mats cheating on Leila versus the talk they're having now.

Another one of my favorite scenes is when Felicia and Ludde meet up at their bench in 2x10 after Ludde has called her up asking Felicia to come if there's any chance of them getting back together.

The dialogue is simple and to the point. There's no long-winded love confession for the sake of drama. It's a moment that the whole season has been building up for, and when we finally get there we realize that this is how love should be.

Easy and simple.

Ludde: You came back. Felicia: Yeah, I did. Ludde: Do you remember our first date here? Felicia: No. I’ve forgotten. Ludde: I was so freaking nervous. Felicia: Everything you said… Did you mean it? Because you hurt me, Ludvig. And I… I’ve really tried to hurt you back, but… It’s not possible. I can’t… Not love you. Do you think… Do you think it can be us again? Ludde: What do you think? Felicia: I don’t want anything else.

Ludde admitting how nervous he was on their first date is sweet and shows us how much they've been through. Felicia is struggling to find the words to say and she's acknowledging how hurt she was, but still can't seem to find it in her heart to hate Ludde. It's honest.

Another plotline that I think was a little underrated in season 2 is the GECED company going bankrupt and Ola, Klara's dad, is under investigation for financial crime. This isn't a storyline you would usually see in a teen series. It's much more serious. It also gave us a really touching and poignant scene in 2x08 between Ola and Klara sitting on the floor of his office, where Klara has to comfort her father who starts crying.

Ola: When you were little you used to sit like this. On the floor, while I was working. You had your own room, but you wanted to sit with me. “Help daddy work”. Mom’s doing the right thing by leaving for a while, don’t blame her for that. Klara: What, you can’t just leave because things get a little tough. Ola: Maybe you should get away for a while too. You know, I never wanted you two to… That you… Everything’s gone. Klara: It will be fine. It will be fine. Ola: Sorry. I’m sorry.

In 2x09, Klara is at a party when she notices a bunch of missed calls from her dad. She immediately senses something is wrong and rushes home to find her dad having attempted suicide. It's executed very well and I really liked the more serious tone they went for in season 2.

It set up season 3 perfectly, which continued with the darker themes but balanced them very well with the more light-hearted moments.

Season 3: Finding one's footing

Season 3 was a highly anticipated season. I thought the season 2 finale was masterfully done and it left me wanting more. When season 1 finished on its cliffhanger of the video leaking, the focus only seemed to be on that.

But with season 2 there's Felicia/Ludde getting back together and Ludde having been sued by Jack, Jack threatening that he would leak all of the Kroon's family secrets, Klara's dad passing away, Elias deciding to get on the train and go to the draft combine anyway, Amie having finally become a recording artist but being isolated and heartbroken... There's so much to unpack, and it's a lot more interesting than the ending of season 1.

Where's Jack?

Jack is supposed to be the main villain but he's gone for most of the season, failing to show up until 3x05. In the season 2 finale Jack makes a huge deal about how he's going to destroy Felicia's life. He's threatening her in a very violent and abusive way.

Jack: [...] I know a lot about you, Felicia. And your nice family. It’s enough for me to leak to one news site. I can destroy you. Do you get it? I’ll tell them everything. The drugs, the cheating, your abortion! Felicia: Shut up! Jack: Hey. Huh? Did you seriously think I wanted to be with you? The little Kroon princess, who has gotten everything for free her whole fucking life! You and Elias! Like spoiled brats! You don’t understand what it means to fight for something!

In 2x10, Jack decides to report Ludde for assault but he doesn't follow through on destroying this family that he hates. If there's anything Jack seems to despise above all, it should be the Kroon family, right? So why did he fight back with Ludde but not the Kroon family?

I expected Jack to leak all the Kroon secrets at the beginning of season 3, but Felicia seems strangely calm at the funeral which I'm assuming only takes place two weeks or so after Ola's passing in the season 2 finale.

Then, a whole year passes with no indication that Jack is ever going to leak anything. As season 3 was airing, I commented on how strange this felt in an ask I received:

One of my main questions about the time jump is the whole thing with Jack saying he was going to ruin Felicia’s and the Kroon family’s reputation in the press. It seemed like nothing really came of that? I’m pretty sure that detail hasn’t been abandoned entirely and that Jack will come back (we’ve already seen a glimpse of him in the third episode), but it feels strange that Jack threatened to leak all her secrets and then just never did. I got the impression that Jack was a person who, when having his pride wounded, would do pretty much anything to get back at the person who insulted him. And yet there’s no mention of where Jack has been during that time or what he’s been doing. I feel like I would be pretty paranoid about this if I was Felicia, but we don’t see this haunting her until episode 3 when she sees a flash of Jack before realizing it was just some random guy. It seems strange that Felicia was relatively at ease during the funeral (which I assume took place not long after Jack first threatened her) and after the time jump. We don’t really know what’s been going on during that year, but Felicia seems to be fine and like she hasn’t had any thoughts of Jack at all. Maybe she assumed that his threats were empty and that he wouldn’t actually leak anything to the press, which is reasonable but at the same time I don’t understand why Jack has yet to do anything after a year. He was really pissed off in the season 2 finale, after all.

Going to repeat one of the things I wrote here because it deserves to be mentioned twice, and this point is one of my biggest issues.

I got the impression that Jack was a person who, when having his pride wounded, would do pretty much anything to get back at the person who insulted him.

I feel like this was kind of a plot hole that wasn't explained. Jack is ruthless and doesn't hold back at all when his true colors come out. He has no problem talking about the sexual relationship he had with Felicia in front of her father. Jack is just that horrible.

So what prevented him from ruining the Kroon family's lives earlier, when it seems to be the thing he's wanted for years?

Michael's predictable predicament

Michael first appears at the end of 3x04, where he calls Amie up to tell her he's her father.

Man: Hey! Sorry for calling so late. Is it Amie? Amie Condé? Amie: Yeah. Man: I saw you on TV the other day. I’m Michael Condé. I’m your father.

In the next episode, we get a voice-over of the continued conversation between him and Amie.

Michael: [...] I understand if it’s shocking. I’m in Oskarshamn for work for a few weeks and— Could we meet up someday?

So, it's clear what the writers are going for here. It's the estranged father who returns into the child's life when they've become successful. We're made to believe it's a Daddy Had a Good Reason for Abandoning You trope when Michael meets up with Amie and tells her why he left.

Michael: So Petra, she— Has she said anything about me? Amie: Well… That you moved from Sweden before I was born… That you’re working as a lawyer. That you didn’t want to see me. Michael: I was… I was young when we met. Your mom and I. And everything went really fast. I was in love, but she had feelings for somebody else. And when she found out that she— That she was expecting you, then… She didn’t want me there. She said I wasn’t father material. To some degree she might’ve been right, but… I wasn’t much older than you are now. I had just gotten into a law school in Berlin. When I finally came back to Sweden, then… She didn’t let me see you. I had already lost you by then, but I want you to know that I— I’ve thought of you. And about a week ago, I… I’m seeing you. On TV. There you are. With my last name. I’m so proud.

However, it's pretty easy to identify the holes in Michael's story. To be honest this whole storyline was predictable from the very start. Before Michael even came into the story, I made this post which pretty much summed up Michael's whole character when we didn't even know he existed yet (this was when 3x03 was the latest episode that had aired).

I don’t think we’ve heard any mention of Amie’s dad in the whole series except for 3x02 when Amie was being interviewed and was asked about the Condé name where she said that while Samuelsson was from her mother’s side, and Condé was from “the other side”. I found her word choice a little interesting. I don’t think Amie’s dad has passed—but rather that he’s alive and just chosen to not be a part of her life, which is why Petra seemed to be a little offended when asking Amie why she didn’t want her last name anymore. This might also be why Amie said “the other side” rather than “my dad’s side” because they have an estranged relationship. [...] I���m not really sure if they’ll do anything with Amie’s dad (maybe they’ll go for that trope where the parent who previously abandoned their child returns after the child has accomplished something big/something major happened and the parent wants something from them for personal gain?).

When we actually get to meet Michael and hear his explanation of why he left, I wrote this post pointing out some of the holes in this storyline.

Michael meeting Amie only after she’s become famous is a little suspicious, but it’s understandable if he previously thought she didn’t want to meet him and then sees her with his last name on national television. Obviously he would contact her after that. I feel like there were some question marks with Michael’s whole story though, and the fact that his work just conveniently happened to send him to Oskarshamn after he’d just seen Amie on TV. Maybe I’m missing something here, but how did he know Amie had gone back to Oskarshamn if he saw her living as a pop star in Stockholm? Was this information about Amie quitting the tour and going back to her hometown even online? If Elias (who actually witnessed Amie saying she was done and quitting) seemed taken aback when he saw Amie in Oskarshamn, then how did Michael know?

I do think Michael will return for season 4 though, so hopefully this storyline will be straightened out a little. We don't really know what Michael has been up for the past few years and if he has a family of his own. Maybe he'll contact Amie again to tell her she has some younger half-siblings?

They ended on sour terms, but if Michael does have his own family it's something Amie deserves to know and she can decide whatever she wants to do. I'd also like to see a Michael/Petra reunion, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

This storyline wasn't bad, and I do appreciate we got to find out what the situation with Amie's dad was. I also liked how I was able to sympathize with Michael. He's not entirely awful, even if he did put a lot of blame on Petra. It's one of those situations where you don't really know what it's like to be in Michael's position unless you've experienced it, and it's very realistic.

Plot holes

Some of the plot holes of season 3 that I've already mentioned are how Jack waited a whole year before leaking the Kroon family's secrets and how Michael conveniently knew Amie was in Oskarshamn when nobody seemed to know she was coming except her mom.

I actually don't mind that it was never explained how Michael got Amie's phone number either, because that's usually pretty easy to find with a Google search. Things like addresses, economic status, and even your criminal history are easily accessible in Sweden when googling someone's name. So finding someone's phone number is probably fairly easy as well.

On the other hand, one of the most glaring plot holes appeared in 3x08. In this episode entitled Lost, the Kroon family is frantically searching for Felicia who has gone missing. Leila and Elias knock on Petra's door to see if Amie is there and might know something about Felicia's whereabouts. Petra tells them Amie isn't there and they leave.

Someone left me an anonymous ask which I answered in this post, pointing out how it was strange that Elias didn't just call Amie to ask her when she wasn't at home. We know Elias has her number because they've been talking on the phone and texting each other several times before in the season.

In 3x08, when Elias and his mom go to Amie's house and ask Petra if Amie has seen or spoken to Felicia or whether she's home, I couldn't help but wonder, uh Elias why not just call Amie and ask her if she has seen or spoken to Felicia? [...] if Elias had called her and she heard how frightened him and his family were and police being involved she would have told him and then there would be no point in the 3x09 episode really.

This is a very strong point. You could argue that maybe Elias just didn't think of that but if they went out of their way to visit Amie's house only to not find her there, it would seem like calling her instead would just be a logical next step in the situation? Here's what I wrote in response to this ask.

This is an issue I had with 3x08 and 3x09 as well. I had a hard time actually enjoying the moment between Felicia, Klara, and Amie knowing that her family was getting increasingly worried for her and even thought for a short moment that Felicia was lying dead at the bottom of the ocean. All that could’ve been avoided. To add, it didn’t make a lot of sense to me that when Klara finally decided to call someone she called Amie instead of Elias. An ex-friend of Felicia’s instead of her brother who could’ve helped a lot more. What was Amie supposed to do when she showed up at the hotel, exactly? I know there was the thing with Klara only knowing Amie’s number off the top of her head, but there is no reason why she couldn’t have gone down to the reception while Felicia was sleeping and asked to use a computer just to get a quick message to Elias. Like, “hey, Felicia attempted something bad but she’s safe with me, we’re at this hotel in this room but she didn’t want me to call anybody, I don’t know what to do”. That would’ve been so much better than keeping quiet about the situation for nearly 24 hours. I know that Klara probably has trauma from leaving her dad at the hospital after his suicide attempt and that she probably didn’t want to go against Felicia’s wishes. I understand the first part 100%. But Felicia was in a very bad place emotionally and was thinking that her whole family hated her when that wasn’t the case. I feel like in a situation like that you kind of have to be the bad guy just to ensure the family that Felicia was safe. Even if everything turned out alright in the end, it could’ve gone so much worse if Felicia had wanted to be kept hidden for longer. [...] Elias calling Amie would’ve been an easy solution to this whole debacle but we would’ve lost the drama. It’s still somewhat of a plot hole though, like you said.

I understand it was done this way for dramatic effect, but that doesn't really patch up the plot hole.

I also found it strange how many people turned on Felicia after Jack ruined her reputation in the press. I talked about this in an ask I received.

I don’t understand why the public turned on Felicia so harshly. And Leila too, for that matter. The way Jack told the story about how these two women had things done to them should indicate that they’re not the ones to be blamed. If I read this article and found out an 18-year-old girl got pregnant by a “violent criminal” who forced her to abort and then abused her I would not be angry with the girl. I would be angry that she was physically abused and also outed on her sexuality for being bi. If I read this article and found out Leila had been cheated on by her husband repeatedly with her best friends, I wouldn’t be angry at her. I would not agree with the decision to turn to alcohol (same as Felicia turning to drugs), but I wouldn’t blame them. And I feel like a lot of people should’ve been on Leila’s side after finding out the reason why they divorced. I don’t understand why people are saying they’re disappointed in Felicia and calling her fake when she’s been through so much trauma in her life. I feel like if this actually happened in real life, all the blame would be shifted to the men because they’re the ones who—in this story—are painted as the bad guys (with the exception of Jack, considering he was anonymous).

I got another anonymous ask sent in after this, pointing out how the anger directed towards Felicia was considerably more about her drug use rather than the abuse she endured. Here was my response to that:

[...] the drug use should’ve been understandable considering the stuff Felicia had been through was also written in that article. I don’t know. I can understand people unfollowing her if they didn’t want their young children to be exposed to all the controversy, but it’s still strange that everything Felicia received was hate messages. Did everybody just skip over the part where the anonymous source stated that Felicia was violently forced to have an abortion by an ex-criminal and probably did so out of fear for her life? Yes, we know this is fake, but why didn’t anybody seem to mention this? [...] they seem to have written this storyline with the idea in mind that the public was against the whole Kroon family. Felicia got comments such as “So fucking disappointed in you and your family”, “What a nasty fucking family”, “You and your family are so fucking disgusting”. So I think Leila received plenty of hate for drinking instead of divorcing her husband sooner and basically turning a blind eye to all the problems her family went through. That’s what Jack told the press, at least. The anger seemed to be directed towards every member of the Kroon family and that didn’t make a lot of sense to me.

Again, this is something the writers did to dramatize the situation and they kind of forgot to consider that what Jack actually told the journalist wasn't as incriminating for Felicia and Leila as it were for Mats and Elias.

The magic of season 3

What season 3 really excelled in, to me, was delving into some more serious topics as well as showing the gradual development of Amie and Elias' relationship. Amie and Elias are the prime example of how a slow burn is so much better than having a couple get together too fast, like Felicia and Ludde did back in season 1.

While season 3 was still airing, I wrote a post dedicated to questions I had received about Elias and Amie. Here's one of the things I said about them:

I think Elias’ interest in her really started to grow after he saw how caring Amie was to Felicia, and later on connecting with her on how they both ended up back in Oskarshamn after following their dreams which didn’t exactly turn out the way they expected. Yes, Elias has always sort of been watching and admiring Amie from afar, but that interest didn’t start growing until he actually got to know her. The experiences they had in the US and Stockholm, respectively, probably changed their mindsets and in my opinion it makes so much more sense for them to get together now than it would’ve in season 1 or season 2.

I still believe that Elias and Amie are the best-written couple of the whole show (at least so far), because they just make sense. We'll see what season 4 has in store for them because we have yet to actually see them in a romantic relationship, but I feel like their personalities and characters just fit together really well.

Another thing I really appreciated was the depiction of Felicia and Ludde's declining relationship. Things like that happen so easily, and I liked how we see Felicia do this huge gesture of planning a picnic for Ludde in 3x04 but there were still underlying problems between them. It's like that in real life too—no matter how big of a romantic gesture you make, communication will always be the number one priority in any relationship and that's where Felicia and Ludde fall short.

The obvious disconnect between them when it comes to money is also important. It's been like this from the beginning, but season 3 gave us an actual conversation about it.

Felicia: Please, I can’t talk about this. Seriously. It was stupid of me to bring this up from the beginning. Fuck, I get such anxiety talking about the future— Ludde: You get anxiety? I’m the one walking around with no money in my account. Mom and dad had to get a loan to pay off mine and Andreas’ fines. I’m playing on a shitty old synth, and living off you like some leech. That’s anxiety. Felicia: Everything isn’t about money. Ludde: Says the one who has money. Felicia: Move out then, if it’s so fucking hard to feel like a leech.

This felt very realistic. Of course a person like Felicia wouldn't think money is everything when she's never experienced financial issues. She's able to move out into her own one-bedroom apartment as soon as she's turned 18, it seems, and doesn't worry at all about the cost of furnishing and decorating it. She didn't even pay for it herself, because Mats mentions he's the one on the mortgage loan. It seems like Felicia has never had an actual job either, and that's starting to worry her because she has no idea what she should be doing.

Felicia: [...] I don’t know what I’ll be or what I’ll do in the future. I don’t know that. Ludde: You’re still an influencer— Felicia: Don’t say I’m an influencer, please. Do you think I want to be that my whole life? It’s not even a career. I'm— I’m graduating next year, and I… My grades suck, and— I have no plan. I only have you. Not like that—I have you. That’s what I have. I want to be here, in Oskarshamn. I don’t want to go to the US and chase some dream and be a hockey wife. That’s not a life. Sometimes I wish neither of us had a plan, just us together here.

Felicia's character finally offers something interesting here, which I've waited for since season 1. She's not just a party girl anymore who has issues with drugs. She's a privileged teenager who is co-dependent on the guys she meets and who has anxiety about the future, to the point where she wishes she could stay in Oskarshamn in her little apartment forever stuck in limbo.

She has to face a harsh reality when Ludde decides to break up with her, and later on when her name is slandered in the press and people all over the country are sending her hate messages. Her own family is furious with her and Felicia has nobody. She's pushed away a lot of people and her mental state is just crumbling in front of our eyes.

It's a strong storyline and actually very well executed. Almost everything gets taken away from her, and at the end of 3x07 you can almost feel what Felicia is feeling. We've been with her through this whole journey, almost, and we understand why she feels like suicide is the only answer.

It's tough to watch that final scene of 3x07. It's greatly amplified by Alva Bratt's superb acting, but the writing of the journey there is also amazing. It's very difficult to write a sensitive storyline like this.

Overall, I don't have a lot of critique towards season 3. I loved most of the episodes. I elaborated on this further in a separate post:

[Episodes 3x04 and 3x05] showcased what Eagles should be all about so well, which is relationships plus the struggles you go through as a teenager in a small town, and then of course hockey. The hockey game episodes are really good, even if I don’t think 3x05 topped 2x05 (the game where Ludde got tackled and knocked out). I loved the contrast in Date night of the budding relationship between Elias and Amie and then that fight between Felicia and Ludde on the cliff. [...] It was interesting to see how this sweet gesture from Felicia turned into a fight between the two of them. I thought that was very realistic, because no matter how big of a gesture Felicia made to apologize there were still underlying problems that they needed to talk about. I also loved the “non-date” between Elias and Amie in this episode. It was cute to see them goofing off before the movie started and then talking about it on the way home. I liked how Elias could connect to her on how they had both returned to Oskarshamn. The recent episodes that dropped last week (3x08 and 3x09) were very strong and discussed some important subject matters [...] They were dark, but not necessarily bad because they needed to happen. However, I have to say that I prefer Eagles when it’s about hockey and teenage relationships. 3x04 and 3x05 made me kind of nostalgic for season 1 and I liked the vibe they both had.

Eagles season 3 is in my opinion the best season of the show so far, and we haven't seen any signs suggesting that there is any reason for season 4 to not be even better.

Season 4: Hopes and wishes

Considering how each season has been increasing in quality bit by bit, I have pretty high hopes for the writing in season 4. I'm excited to see how the transition from teenager to young adult will be portrayed in the main characters, and what their future will hold for them after they've graduated.

My main questions are if Felicia and Ludde will find their way back to each other or if they'll remain broken up (that would be realistic as well), if Klara will reconcile with her mom, what's in store for Elias's hockey career, and if Amie will leave her label and maybe opt for something more independent.

I also want to see how Felicia deals with the new home she's checked in to, and if Ludde will in fact go to the school now that it seems Andreas will be getting into trouble again.

Amie and Klara are kind of wild cards here, because it somewhat feels like they've already reached their happy endings. Amie is famous and successful in her pop music career, and Klara has found her place as a businesswoman following in her father's footsteps. Maybe these developments should've come in season 4 instead of rushing them.

Nonetheless, I have faith in the writers. The writing suffered a little in seasons 1 and 2 but it has gotten better. Most of the things I pointed out about season 3 were just small details in an otherwise stellar season.

In conclusion...

This post was critical, but I tend to be critical of every show I watch. Eagles is still a very special show for me and having grown up in a Swedish small town myself I'm very fond of the show and its characters.

So huge thanks to the creator, Stefan H. Lindén, for making this show a reality and also to the director Carl-Petter Montell for contributing to the writing in season 3. And of course the writers of the show which include Michaela Hamilton, Fanny Ekstrand, and Anton Nyberg (plus Amanda Adolfsson who helped write 1x02 and 1x05 and Simon Ekbäck Nordström who is credited for helping with the hockey scenes in 3x05).

I hope you guys enjoyed this long, long post and major kudos to you if you read this far!

[zuzu-hotman]

Ready To Love Pt.3 [[Zuko]]

Pairing: Zuko x Female!Reader

Warnings: Angst as always, loves. 

A/N: I’m glad to see the notes on my fics, I read them and smile <3 Anyways... hope I did her justice. I didn’t want to make her a villain or  too ooc. Then again, the show never gave us too much of her. I’d have done more with her and hopefully allowed her to express herself a bit too. ((Also the lyrics ive been using are from a song, but they’re out of order bc of how I want them to fit. This set is specifically tied to her, not reader))

Pt.1, Pt.2

“ Tʜᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɢɪᴠᴇ ʜᴇʀ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴇ..”

Staring blankly at the ceiling of her room is where she’d found herself stuck for hours at a time. Her face remained blank as ever but deep inside her emotions were starting to stir up. Deep inside she began to hurt- the kind of hurt that can sometimes be hard to mask or ignore.

Not that that fact stopped her from doing it. She’d be damned if she allowed herself to falter.

She hadn’t expected her words to really push him to make such a choice. To this extent of utter betrayal- if she was honest, she’s not sure what she expected. She only knew what she hoped for and she hated that she allowed herself to do something so stupid.

Hope? That’s something Ty Lee would do. She is not Ty Lee. Not by a long shot- yet she still did something so foolish. She still had hoped he’d turn around- come to his senses and realize.. realize what? Who was she to say what he should feel when she couldn’t even control what she felt? She wanted to be angry, wanted to just.. gut punch him the next time she saw him.

Sure, she’s the one that pushed him away but.. she wanted a different outcome. She just wanted... something else- but she also wanted him to not be so miserable. It was clear he wasn’t happy here. It was clear he had many regrets in regards to how he was able to come back.

She wanted him to be happy- she didn’t want to be used.

What she got in return was some stupid letter- just some dumb letter. All this time spent- all this nonsense. Years spent wishing he’d be allowed back home or that he’d at least speak to her without anyone else around and all she gets is a letter.

She gets this and what does the other girl get? Some low-class peasant not even of full Fire Nation blood? She gets to be around him- be with him if the circumstances are right.

She wants to be angry at them both- but is it right to? Is any of this right?

She continues to question herself as the time passes. Even as she gets a golden opportunity to tear right into him- to go off- to have him suffer.

“I’m sorry.”, he says, gently so. “I shouldn’t have- it was never my intention to hurt you like that. To just.. use your feelings. I thought I was where I was supposed to be.”

She makes a face, “Yeah. Your letter sounds so very sorry. You betrayed the nation for one peasant-”

“I didn’t betray my nation! I’m saving it- it’s not just about you or her and.. she’s not a peasant.”, his last words hit her harder. He didn’t say them any different. He was just quieter. Defensive. “Even if she was, it would mean that a peasant has more class than any of us.”

That stung a bit- if only because she wanted to be the one he defended so passionately. To be truly loved by him... what must that feel like.. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”, she says, “You betrayed her too. You’re just full of bad choices.”

It was a low blow and she knew it. It almost hurt her to say it but she was so angry-

“I know. I’m trying to right them. Even if I don’t get what I’m hoping for.”

“You think fixing them by hurting others is what will work? You-”

“I’m not trying to hurt anyone! I haven’t hurt anyone else back there but you and I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you face to face. I’m sorry all you got was a piece of paper. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I was wrong to do what I’ve done! I’ve been wrong for a long time but I’m trying! I know just apologizing isn’t enough but right now I have other things to deal with! This war is literally life or death for the whole world!”, he takes in a deep breath, “Mai. I really am sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have gone out with you when I knew deep down it wasn’t what I truly wanted. I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want.”

She had to turn away from him, to look away to readjust the mask she kept constantly. It couldn’t fall, not here and now. She’s silent for a bit before speaking again, “You better right things with her or I’ll never forgive you.”

She had said it quietly, and continued to speak it though a guard had burst through the door. She can’t be sure if he heard her or not, even though the look he gave her as he shut the door held the answer.

Mai had made her decision. It was final and clear. Enough to shock a friend she thought held her dear.

Azula was starting to derail- she couldn’t see what she was becoming.

“You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you.”

“No you miscalculated! You should have feared me more!”, she shouts, readying for an attack, “He doesn’t even love you- you dare betray me for something so shallow?! He’s all about that peasant!”

“I know. I’ll get over it eventually.”

Mai braces herself, readying a counter attack despite knowing Azula’s bending is more powerful. Azula has always been precise- she shot the Avatar down without blinking. She-

A raw gasp broke through her inner thoughts.

Ty Lee.

“C’mon we gotta get out of here!”

It was no use though. Guards surrounded them instantly. They would be prisoners for now, thrown into the farthest cell away from Azula. Mai wanted to say it hurt, crazy or not, Azula was once her friend. However Azula is not who she was. Her use of fear wasn’t right or fair.

It hurt, but not as badly as it should- at least not on her end..

Three long nights. Zuko had left for three long nights and something had told you it wasn’t for food. Deep in your gut you knew it wasn’t. He wouldn’t have looked at you like that the night before he left if it was just some trip. His absence gave you time to think. To be a bit more rational- calmer, in deciding if you even want to hear him out. He’d tried to do so a few times before he left, but in your anger you ignored him.

What if you never saw him again? What if this was just a trip, would you feel differently? Or were you looking for a reason to justify talking to him. A reason better than simply wanting to.

You couldn’t deny you were weak for him.

When he finally returned, you learned he traveled to a high security prison with Sokka. To find his Dad and within that time he’d also found his girlfriend Suki.

Something like that could not be fake- risking your own life in a high security prison- in a nation you betrayed.. for someone you’d only just grown to be friendly with?

Zuko was changing, you felt it. You had pure proof of it and oh how you begged for it to be true. To be hurt a third time? There would be no coming back from it.

“Zuko.”, you whisper while he stands off to the side.

He flinches but turns to look at you. Shock covers his face,”..yes?”

“...Let’s talk..”, you say, and finally, you reach for him. You lightly but hesitantly take his wrist. He lets you lead him to wherever you need to go.

In all the happy reunions, no one notices you two disappearing into the night.

“ Bᴇғᴏʀᴇ I ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀ, ᴡɪʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀᴅ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ ?”

Pt.4

[terramythos]

I beat Prey yesterday! here are the general thoughts i scribbled down. 

i thought the opening was super strong. When you break the glass on the apartment window? *chef's kiss*

i’ve never played system shock 2 but understand this is heavily influenced by it. I've played Bioshock though so I did pick up on some of the similarities by proxy.

generally I liked combat. In the first half it's pretty tense and survival horror-y and there's certainly a difficulty curve. I liked using limited resources and thinking up creative solutions to problems. 

However, most stuff became trivial halfway through. The shotgun is just busted after a couple upgrades. Once you know a surefire way to deal with each enemy type, the game gets pretty easy. from what I understand the difficulty settings do not affect this much (I played on normal). You can make the game more tedious, but not necessarily harder.

i wish there were more horror elements in the mid to late game. There are some genuinely great jump scares early on but they're basically gone past a certain point.

main quest in general was a treadmill of “go to point a, do x thing, oh no something stopped you from doing x thing, you need to go to point y and do b thing so you can go back and do x thing”. kind of disappointing; it mostly served as a way to get around and find more interesting stuff (with a few exceptions). i liked the side quests more. 

the voice acting was great. In particular, Benedict Wong's performance as Alex stuck out to me.

the visual and world design was fantastic, too. I think its impressive that Talos I had a unifying design but each area still felt distinct.

visually the Looking Glass stuff was super cool. I think that Arkane developed this with the time travel Dishonored 2 mission and it was cool there too.

there's an impressive amount of extra flavor. All of the art, audio logs, emails, books, and even the ability to explore a bit in space. Just cool details that helped make it all feel real and believable. It adds a lot.

i wanted neuromods to be more like the plasmids in bioshock. While they are the same thing story-wise, in game they function as a talent tree. And some just don’t make sense. Like... how would jamming 4 neuromods in my eye make me physically better at lifting stuff? Why is it an incremental skill I have to invest in 3 times? This makes a little more sense with the Typhon powers since those are basically magic, but not the Human ones.

the ending and some of the mid story is clearly rushed, although I'm glad there's more stuff after the credits.

despite the underwhelming endings (pre credits) I do think the developers put an impressive amount of thought into the circumstances various playthroughs would have surrounding them. I looked it up and there's a boggling number of variations on what's basically two endings.

startlingly few bugs! Just some clipping stuff for me, mostly.

there were some cool small details. I like that if you go someplace before the main story officially tells you to, January will act surprised that you knew ahead of time to go there for the next step. This only happened to me once (on accident), but I imagine it's fun for replays.  

SPOILER THOUGHTS BELOW THE CUT 

LOVE the meta commentary on identity and autonomy in video games. Morgan is a little different between each reset in the early simulation, even though theoretically that shouldn't be possible. Characters constantly compare you to the Morgan they knew, whatever that means to them. Morgan the player character is a silent protagonist. Morgan the narrative character has several audio and video logs from their past and multiple robots with their voice. More broadly, each player will play a video game differently, even if they make similar choices. So is any playable character the same person between playthroughs? Is the player character narratively that person, or are they simply a vehicle that reflects what the player wants? It's no "would you kindly" but it's still interesting. 

in theory i like the Nightmare. kind of a pyramid head type thing but more random. however there’s little incentive to defeat it and it’s easy to avoid, so it turned into a “wait for a 3 min timer to count down” simulator. also, if you accidentally spawn it in certain areas it can WRECK your ending (though it’s easy to reload). 

so the Big Twist hints were pretty heavy handed. I figured it out early. It occurred to me after the first level that if the tutorial was a simulation, anything could be, and that was basically the big twisterino. Stuff like January saying "well good thing you're not an alien" in a super ironic tone of voice made me laugh out loud. Also, I did the Obvious Bad Ending for shits and giggles and it spoiled the whole thing. Really wish it had just cut to black since you can access it early. This potentially ruins any shock value for a lot of people.

on some level I like that the ending explains away certain "plot holes". Probably the most obvious is Morgan not remembering any of their past, which is... not how the neuromod memory loss works. But of course they wouldn't remember it, because the player is a Typhon going through a simulation, not the real Morgan.

you can also view the ending from the perspective of humans desperately trying to convince an alien they're worth saving, despite some "bad actors" (read: war crimes in space). Hence the sometimes on-the-nose moral choices and optional side quests. Even the fact that Morgan and Alex are characterized as total assholes in the past-- yet Alex in game and post credits is gentle and compassionate. Perhaps Alex in real life is trying to atone for his mistakes?

i kept expecting mirrors to be relevant? The Phantoms whisper about "what you see in the mirror", promo material shows Morgan looking at themself in the mirror, the Looking Glass tech, and the fact that mirrors are all over the place and DO NOT actually reflect Morgan. Which isn't a technical limitation since the Looking Glass is a whole thing. There's the whole mirror neuron thing but that's such a tiny line of dialogue I'm not sure it matters. Have to wonder if this was a story concept that got cut. 

in a similar vein to "crap Phantoms say", there's a minor human character who just... says a bunch of Phantom lines in a row once you complete a quest. He’s seemingly unaware that he's echoing them. What was the purpose of this? Was this an abandoned plot thread? 

why wasn't Dahl a bigger part of the story? or Alex and Morgan's parents? I assume it's due to a time crunch, but it just feels like a missed opportunity.

small detail: I love that one of the main story quests has you fake someone's voice using audio logs, and someone MUCH later uses the same trick against you.

another small detail which I missed: flying out to the space billboard to get an early horror twist about the fucking escape pods. there are lots of little things like that all over the place. 

[blue-maiden4]

Together Forever and Growing Pains

I'M IN LEGIT PAIN RIGHT NOW.

MY POOR BOY 😭😭

Anyways I'm gonna leave my thoughts on these episodes down here so spoilers right ahead:

-First of all: Ruby, Sapphire I know you tried to help, but dear Arceus proposing at the age of 16 IS NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL.

-Can we appreciate how handsome Steven looks on that shirt and suit? Damn he looks good on it 👀 (If he weren’t a minor I would marry him, but my heart already belongs to Leon so nevermind, pretend I said nothing)

-Rather than saying a straight 'no', Connie said 'not now', AND HONESTLY THAT'S SO SWEET AND IM DYING. And Steven's heartbroken face DESTROYED ME. I've never experienced such feeling but I can imagine how much it hurts. I really appreciate how Connie handled the situation in such a mature way, like she wanted to talk out things first and such. She is without a doubt Steven's soul mate ❤️.

-Watching Steven just laying on the sand while crying broke my heart in a million pieces, I felt your pain Steven, and it sucks that you have to go through this when you’re dealing with some heavy issues right now.💔

-"There isn't a future where you didn't proposed" I'm double dead now, the fact that no matter which time line they're on, Steven would propose to Connie. My heart 😭.

-Also I've seen some people asking why Steven is so worried of Connie leaving, like, he can just go visit her with Lion's help, but remember he can do the same with Lars and he acted the same way, so despite being able to visit them, the whole feeling that he's getting left behind is what is triggering these kind of reaction (or at least that's what I think).

-And remember, no matter how much you love a person, do not propose to them at the age of 16 (sorry I had to this xd) 

Okay now moving onto Growing Pains aka the episode that destroyed me physically and emotionally:

-BOI Where do I even start with this one? Okay first, seeing Steven all depressed over Connie's rejection and just eating ice cream and all kinds of sweets as a coping mechanism hits home. And this is something people do in real life when they are going through a heartbreak. Poor boy he needs a hug. 

-I would be lying if I said I didn’t scremaed the moment his body started growing our of nowhere, HOLY SHIT THE CORRUPTION THEORY IS SLOWLY BECOMING A REALITY. LIKE THAT SHIT STARTED AS SOME SORT OF JOKE, IT AIN’T FUNNY ANYMORE 😰.

-Connie being concerned about Steven and convicing him to see a doctor is the best thing ever. FINALLY SOMEONE THAT MAKES HIM SEEK HELP (Sort of)

-Okay, the fact Steven’s bones are fractured or broken is really worrying. Like, the only reason this kid isn’t dead is because of his healing powers is really messed up, and if we remember what happened in CYM, it makes sense why he was so weak and nearly dying, it was ‘cause his body was so damaged on the inside and the only things keeping together was his own gem half.

Seriously just look at all those cracks in his bones

-Also, the way Dr. Maheswaran explained how his body was constantly healing, yet it looked that mentally he hasn’t healed, that hit me like a truck. It also reminded of Pink Pearl, her gem showed no signs of damage, yet that crack on her eye was mostly due to the trauma she still had.

-The fact Steven is having the same side effect is just so....AGH I can’t even describe it, there’s no words that can say it.Seriously, he’s been through some heavy stuff since he was 13, with being so close to dying a million times, seeing loved ones die in front of him, his self doubt and existencial crisis due to Pink’s/Rose’s mistakes. That’s some serious and heavy shit, that surely was to have some effect on Steven at some point.

He’s been trying so hard to just forget about it and move on, but it’s not that simple. Those experiences are somthing that will haunt him forever until he adresses them properly. Also, the fact he tended to bottle up his emotions as a kid had also a role in all of this, he had to deal with this stuff on his own, he couldn’t talk to anyone about it, ‘cause he didn’t knew what else to do without becoming a burden.

-”What you haven’t told her?!” 

DUDE, YOU SERIOUSLY EXPECTED CONNIE TO TELL HER MOM HOW YOU FRICKING PROPOSED TO HER? COME ONE, SHE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT GONNA TELL HER, SHE WOULD HAVE FREAK OUT AT THE IDEA OF 16/15 YEAR OLDS GETTING MARRIED FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE.

-Bruh, the moment he was starting to tear up, due to all the stress and pressure he was feeling at that moment. And the way he snapped out at Connie....oof, like I don’t blame him at all, but it broke my heart. The pain he was feeling at the moment...god...😭😭😭.

-Greg getting in there and comforting him, that’s what made me cry, the whole thing that Steven’s feeling like he’s always about to die, and how he’s supposed to be happy now that everyone is saved but just can’t....it hurted....a lot. 

-And my respect and love for Connie and her mom increased here, not only she called the only person that could calm him down/help him, but they also treated Steven in way as to not alter him more and without judging. Seriously, I’m surprised Dr. Maheswaran, wasn’t like WTF the moment Steven started listing all of his traumatic experiences, instead she only explained how all of this gem stuff he’s been involved with has caused him so serious trauma.

-Now let me just say, that even though it is mostly th CG and Greg (to some degree, like the dude tried his best), we have to remember that the Gems have no idea about how a human body works, let alone how a mind of a person works. And it’s true that it wasn’t a good idea for Steven to move in with the Gems at such a young age, heck Greg is his father, he is supposed to take care of Steven and such, but considering the circumstances and that Steven is half-gem, he probably thought it was for the best, as he couldn’t teach him about gem stuff, probably the CG convinced him about this. Now, with the whole ‘they should have noticed or figured out something was wrong with Steven’, let me tell you one thing: that’s not how it works. Sure a parent should be able to tell when there’s something wrong their kid, but considering Steven became so dang good at avoiding the subject and bottling up his emotions (keeping them to himself), it practically impossible to tell when something is wrong. Parents aren’t physics, they can’t read our minds, so unless we are the ones that address the issue, there’s no other way they can’t find out about our problems. And that’s what happens in Steven’s case, and since they didn’t wanted to push him to talk about it, well, that makes it harder.

CONCLUSION: 

THIS TWO EPS DESTROYED ME, SERIOUSLY THEY LEFT ME IN LITERAL PAIN.

I was expecting them to make me cry, but dear lord, they were such heavy episodes, they even suprassed Prickly Pair, which is an episode that also messed up with my emotions. But these two made me cry. They just hit so close to me.

I’m not sure I’m gonna survive til the finale (really one of the next week eps is called Fragments, and that doesn’t give me any good vibes)

NOW IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, I WILL GO CRY IN A CORNER WHILE CURLED UP IN A BALL AS I LISTEN TO DEPRESSING MUSIC CAUSE I DON’T KNOW OF ANOTHER WAY TO COPE WITH THE PAIN.

[nikanndros]

the high-school fake dating au part 6

Part 1| Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 |

The weird thing about this lie -- dating Damen -- is that it’s easy. Being expected to act a certain role every moment he’s at school should be tiring and annoying, but every time Damen aims that light-up-the-world grin in Laurent’s direction, or takes his hand in a way that seems natural, or just looks at him for an opinion, well… Laurent forgets he’s acting. The next couple of weeks seem to go by easily.

“Hey,” Damen says, at lunch one day. “Do you want to hang out this afternoon?”

“Sure,” Laurent replies. He takes the opportunity to steal half of Damen’s sandwich --his mum even bakes the bread herself -- and then his brain catches up with him. “Wait, what, why?”

Damen shrugs. “Why not?”

And that’s that. After school they pick Nicaise up and then when they get to Laurent’s place, Damen gets out of the car with them.

Luckily his mother isn’t home, and Nicaise is smart enough to run off to his own room and not get involved

“Do you want something to eat?” Laurent asks.

“No thanks,” Damen smiles.

There’s a pause. “Cool.” Laurent says, awkwardly. “Okay. What do you want to do?”

“What do you usually do after school?”

Replay in his mind all the ways Damen looked at him that day? Laurent shrugs. “We can hang out in my room.”

Damen spends awhile looking around Laurent’s bedroom; he seems generally interested in the bookshelf and all the photos of his family on his desk, and the little stuffed fox that Auguste bought him when he was a baby with hard-earned pocket money.

“It’s really weird having an afternoon off,” Damen says. “Now that I’ve quit football, I mean. You live with your mum and your brothers, right?”

“Yeah. And you’re an only child.” With two perfect parents, as the whole town knows. Damen’s dad is some big-shot lawyer or something, he commutes into the city and it’s obvious in his fancy car and big house.

“...actually,” Damen says, looking away. He moves over to Laurent’s desk. “Um, it turns out that I have a brother.”

“Your mum is pregnant?” She’s kind of old for that, Laurent thinks.

“No, my mum can’t have any more babies. I was meant to be the miracle child.” That makes sense in the way that Damen’s mother so clearly dotes on him, and his father has evidently been pushing him into extracurriculars and clubs since he could walk.

Then Laurent thinks about what Damen is actually saying. “Oh. You mean your dad…?”

Damen nods. “It was before I was born, and apparently mum knew about the, um, affair, and they got past it. They just didn’t know that the other-- that she was pregnant. And then Kastor, that’s my brother, he’s like twenty-eight, his mother died so he decided to try and find out who his father was. He just like, showed up one day during summer break and he was really mad when he saw the house, and my mum and-and me.”

“That’s a lot,” Laurent says, because he’s not really sure what to say or why Damen is telling him this at all.

“Yeah,” Damen frowns. “My dad wanted to send Kastor away but that upset my mum and everything is really awkward in my house.”

“That sounds terrible,” Laurent says.

“I haven’t even told my dad that I quit football yet. I think he’s going to freak out.”

Laurent’s quiet for a moment. “You could always rejoin. The coach will let you back on, the team has no chance without the four of you.”

“Yeah, he offered to let me back on the team,” Damen says. “I told him I won’t until he apologises and makes Chauvin apologise for being homophobic.”

Laurent nods. “This isn’t-- this dating thing, it’s not even real. It’s not meant to be making your life harder. I didn’t know that you had so much going on already. And we couldn’t predict it would go like this, so if you want to--”

“I don’t want to break up,” Damen says.

He says it firmly, confidently, and it even makes Laurent’s heart jump a little even though it’s not real. Still. It’s not real. “You’re so nice,” Laurent says suddenly. “I think you’re the most kind-hearted person I’ve ever met. But really, you don’t have to do this. It goes way beyond, like, the charitable call of duty or whatever.”

“I’m not being charitable,” Damen replies. “I-��� He breaks off, and runs his fingers through his hair. It’s unfair that he looks good even like this - frowning thoughtfully and curls a mess. He’s so constantly beautiful that it’s ridiculous. Laurent can’t possibly be expected to be in his company like this and not entertain fantasies of pushing him back onto the bed and climbing into his lap, and then-- Damen’s still talking. Right. “I like spending time with you,” he’s saying. “You’re really cool. I’ve always thought you were cool and I wanted to be friends with you before now but… I just mean that I like what we’re doing and we don’t have to stop because you think I don’t.”

I should kiss him, Laurent thinks, a little hysterically. He can’t handle hearing such nice things, and the urge is really strong. And maybe Damen will reject him and freak out, or maybe -- and it’s definitely seeming more likely -- Damen will kiss him back.

Damen is looking down at him with his beautiful eyes, and that dumb lock of hair that always falls in front of his forehead, and Laurent takes a step forward, and --

The door bursts open. “What are you doing?!” Auguste announces in a gleeful voice.

Laurent immediately jumps away and spins to face his brother, in a mixture of shock and horror. “Why are you home?!”

He can hear Nicaise cackling with laughter from down the hallway.

Auguste steps into the room, grinning. He’s still in his work clothes and everything. “I had to rush home when I heard my darling brother had a boy in his room with no-one to supervise. What would the neighbours think?”

“Nicaise,” Laurent yells, “I’m going to murder you.”

Nicaise is still laughing, so clearly the threat isn’t that intimidating.

“Um,” Damen says. “Hi. I’m Damen.”

Auguste’s smile immediately drops and he gives Damen a searching look. “Hmm,” Auguste says. “And what are your intentions with my brother?”

Laurent tries manfully to shove his stupid older sibling back out the door. “You promised you wouldn’t embarrass me,” Laurent hisses.

“I’m not being embarrassing,” Auguste says. He’s not even budging, despite Laurent’s efforts. “Do you think less of Laurent because I care for his well-being, Damen?”

“I think it’s nice.” Damen is so sweet, he’s probably being genuine.

“Thank you. Now let me interrogate you.”

He pushes past Laurent to come properly into the room, while Laurent scowls. “You will pay for this,” he says, darkly.

“My intentions are good,” Damen says.

“Have you deflowered my little brother yet?”

“Oh my God,” Laurent mutters.

Damen, who approaches everything with a calm, unashamed confidence, instantly turns red. It’s shocking that it’s even apparent through his dark complexion. “Um,” Damen says. “No.”

“Why not?” Auguste sounds affronted. “Is he not pretty enough for you?”

“No, he’s very beautiful.”

“Oh, so looks are all that matter?”

“No? What?”

“Auguste, stop,” Laurent says, shaking his head. “He’s joking, Damen, please relax.”

Auguste pouts at Laurent. “I was having fun.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Damen is looking at Laurent for guidance.

“Auguste, leave.”

“Okay,” Auguste says. “On one condition.”

“What.”

Auguste gives Laurent a pleading look. “Will you make me some coffee? You know you make it the best.”

“Do it yourself,” Laurent says.

“But I’m so tired, after a long day of working hard to keep food on the table and supporting--”

“Okay!” Laurent is already turning for the stairs.

He’s quick about it so Damen and Auguste aren’t left alone together for too long. It takes no time until he’s trudging back up the stairs, mug of coffee in his hand.

He can hear them talking in low voices when he quietly approaches his bedroom door. He’s being quiet on purpose, of course, he’s going to take this opportunity to eavesdrop.

“...wouldn’t tell me about it,” comes Auguste’s voice. He sounds serious.

“Um,” Damen is hesitating. “It’s not-- bad, bad. We can handle it.”

“But people are being dicks about it,” Auguste sighs.

There’s a pause, and Laurent is about to interrupt when Damen speaks again. “I know it’s not the kind of situation you want Laurent to be in, but I can at least promise that I’m not going to leave him to face any of it alone. I’ll do everything I can for Laurent.”

“Jord said that you only came out after the school found out about Laurent?” Laurent was going to find out who Jord’s mystery girlfriend was and tell her to shut her mouth.

“It wouldn’t have been fair to let Laurent deal with all the fallout  alone over something that’s also true about me.” Damen sounds earnestly sincere, which is…

Okay, maybe Damen actually did truly mean it when he implied he could be bi. That’s a thought. Nikandros did specifically say that he’d looked into the school handbook when he ‘found out Damen wasn’t straight’ -- it would have been easier to say ‘since last night’ if that had been what he’d meant, which kind of suggests that he found out about Damen before the dating plan had even been made.

The more Laurent works this through in his head, the more he likes the idea. If Damen actually is bi, then this dating scheme is more than an act of pity. It’s about something personal about them that they share, an otherness that makes it hard to openly connect with other people in the current circumstances.

Laurent has been kind of in love with Damen forever. The thought that it could potentially be reciprocated one day is a lot.

Laurent stalks into his room and shoves the coffee at his brother. “Here,” he says, “Get out.”

Auguste is a terrible actor so his smile is filled with a concern that he’s obviously trying to hide. “You’re the best” he says, making his exit. “If you hurt my brother,” Auguste calls out during his retreat, “I’ll murder you, Damen.”

“Acknowledged,” Damen calls back. He’s actually grinning. That’s nice. Laurent likes the idea of his boyfriend and his brother getting along. His fake boyfriend. His currently fake boyfriend. As easy as that, Laurent has come up with a new plan. He’s going to use this farce as an opportunity to make Damen fall in love with him.

“I should probably go,” Damen says reluctantly, looking back at Laurent.

Laurent smiles at him. “Sure, I’ll walk you out.”

Laurent walks him all the way to his car.

“Thanks for letting me hang with you,” Damen says.

“Of course,” Laurent replies. “You can come over whenever, you know. On Tuesdays, if you don’t want to tell your dad about football, or at other times. We are meant to be dating, so it would be weird if we didn’t spend time with each other.”

Damen looks delighted by this. He’s so beautiful. Laurent thinks of before, in his room, when he’d taken that step closer. He thinks about what could have happened if Auguste hadn’t barged in. “I’m sorry about my brother,” Laurent says. “He’s really nosy.”

“He cares about you.”

Laurent nods. “He’s probably watching out the window now at us,” Laurent prompts.

Damen turns his head to look.

“Don’t look,” Laurent says. “But you should probably kiss me goodbye.”

Damen blinks at him. “Really?”

“Yes.” Laurent feels like his heart is going to burst out of his chest.

He doesn’t know what to expect -- he’s woefully inexperienced in things of this nature -- but Damen doesn’t seem to have any hesitations. He steps forward so that they’re almost chest to chest and then reaches out and brushes some of Laurent’s hair out of his face. It’s an unexpectedly tender gesture and it leads to Damen cupping his face. Laurent instinctively leans into it.

Damen is looking at him in a way that Laurent can’t describe, but the eye-contact in an intimate moment like this is almost unbearable. He wants to look away but he can’t. He wouldn’t forgive himself for missing a second of this. Then Damen is leaning in and, it barely lasts for a second but their lips touch. Laurent’s eyes flutter closed without thought, and then he’s pressing forward as Damen moves back -- possibly to break the kiss, Laurent realises belatedly -- but then he seems to get with the picture and the peck extends into something more.

God, Laurent really should have recommended that they practice making out if this is what it feels like. He’s not entirely sure what he’s doing, but Damen’s lips move with an ease and it’s easy to copy and reciprocate.

Then the long, unmeasurable moment ends and Laurent is blinking his eyes open to meet Damen’s again. They haven’t stepped apart.

“Goodbye,” Damen says, finally, and there’s a changed quality in the tone of his voice that Laurent wants to investigate thoroughly.

“Goodbye,” Laurent echoes, faintly.

Yes, Laurent decides, watching as Damen drives away. This confirms it. His main goal from now on is to make sure there’s nothing fake in the way that they are dating by the year’s end. He’s fairly confident that it won’t even be that hard.

[blancheludis]

Tagging: @tokky231, @catonmylapbutineedtopee

Fandom: Marvel, Avengers Characters: Tony Stark/Steve Rogers, James Rhodes, Pepper Potts, Bruce Barton, Steve Rogers Chapters: 4/?, Words: 25.469

Summary: Tony meets his soulmate under the worst possible circumstances. It is not just a kidnapping gone wrong. It turns out Steve and his gang picked him on purpose and they want some personal revenge. If only he had managed to say the words written on his soulmate's arm before they threw him back out into the streets.

---

“Sir,” JARVIS speaks up just when Tony has decided that another hour of sleep might do him some good. Better, in any case, than rushing into his problems head on. “Mr. Stane has called several times now while you were otherwise occupied.”

Despite not wanting to talk to anyone else for the moment, Tony’s first instinct is to call back immediately. Then he pauses, though, and thinks first.

It is not that Tony does not trust Obadiah. If he told him about Steve’s claim that someone is selling their weapons to the enemy, he has no doubt that the matter would be dealt with quietly and efficiently. Obadiah has fixed enough of Tony’s mistakes to leave any doubt about that.

This is personal, though. Stark Industries is Tony’s company, if mostly in name only, but this is about his weapons, his designs. Therefore, it is his responsibility to clean this up. A small part of him also wants to know who sold him out and ask them why. Tony is not a good person, not by far. He is callous and careless and quick to replace one disaster with another. He is sure Pepper could add a lot more unpleasant adjectives, he is well aware of his failings.  

Also, and that is much harder to admit, he does not want Obadiah to think bad about him for this. Over the years, Tony has caused a number of scandals, leaving everyone scrambling to clean up after him, but this might just take the cake. Beat up by his soulmate and his friends on top of finding out that Tony does not have his own company under control enough to avoid his weapons ending up in the wrong hands.  

It always feels like he is constantly balancing on the edge of disapproval with Obadiah. They are family, and not just in terms of Obadiah being Tony’s godfather. Obadiah has always been a part of Tony’s life, has always been his ally, offering encouraging words or sneaking him materials to build things that Howard had disapproved of. Without Obadiah’s presence, Stark Industries might have just fallen to ruins after Howard and Maria’s death. Even now, Tony is not sure he could keep the company afloat on his own. He has always kept out of the business end as much as possible.

Before Obadiah had been Tony’s godfather, though, he was Howard’s friend. At some point, Obadiah might realize that Howard was right about Tony after all. That he is lazy and stupid and the worst kind of Stark. Every mistake Tony makes, every stupid question he asks, every project he does not finish on time because his mind got stuck on other things might be the one that puts an end to Obadiah’s patience with him.

Tony does not have enough people in his life who he trusts, so he cannot risk upsetting Obadiah with this. He will deal with it. It is certainly time he learns how to.

“Write him a message,” Tony tells JARVIS, “say that I had an idea and didn’t get out of the workshop all day.”

On most days, that would be the truth, so Tony does not fear that Obadiah will see through the lie.

“If he calls again, send him through to Pepper.”

Pepper does not know yet what happened, but she is well versed in running interference for him. She will feed Obadiah some story that will give Tony some time to come up with one of his own.

It must have been something business-related anyway for Obadiah does not usually call to inquire about Tony’s well-being. That is not a bad thing either. Tony knows Obadiah will be there for him when it matters, he always has been before. For now, it is better not to make him worry.

Once he has talked this through with Rhodey and Pepper, he will know whether he needs to bother his godfather with this. Until then, he will manage on his own.

When Pepper comes in, ten minutes after seven, she clings to a bottle of wine as if she instinctively knew she would need alcohol for this conversation. Tony studies her closely, almost involuntarily on guard. She knew about the USB drive. She is involved in everything at Stark Industries, has the highest security clearance, and is probably better at signing Tony’s name than he is himself. He has to see her reaction, has to be as sure as he can be – without outright accusing her of anything – that she had nothing to do with selling him out.

Tony does not believe Pepper would betray him, but he has trusted the wrong people before.

Once Pepper sees him, her eyes widen and her mouth opens for a gasp. Only years of training help her keep her composure enough to not let the bottle fall. Tony sees her hand twitch nonetheless.

Air floods into his lungs as he sighs in relief. There is no way of being certain, but Pepper looks like she is feeling every visible bruise of his herself. The worry in her eyes is not faked, and neither is the fury rising in them only moments later. He cannot afford to distrust her beyond that.

“What happened?” she asks with more venom than Rhodey had but with as much conviction to do something about it.

“We have a mole,” Tony says simply.

He has hoped that would draw her attention, to keep both her and Rhodey from focusing on the blaringly obvious wreck that is his face. He needs them to make sense of this for him.

Pepper opens her mouth and Tony is almost ready for the barrage of questions, but then she closes it again. With determined steps, she walks to the couch, sets the bottle down on the glass table heard enough that Tony half expects it to leave a crack, then sits down beside him and takes his face into her hands.

She turns his face to the light, studies the motley pattern of bruises and swelling. Gentler than her expression promises, she lifts the lid of his left eye to get a better look at it underneath the bruise.

Her gaze is burning in its intensity when she lets her hands drop. “What happened?” she then asks again in that tone of voice that regularly has the board of directors cowering before her.

She looks at Rhodey, who is sitting opposite them, arms spread out over the back of the couch, even though that does not hide the tension in his body. It will be easier to get answers from him than from Tony himself – which is part of the reason Tony has not told Rhodey anything substantial yet, insisting to wait until Pepper’s arrival. Going through it once will be hard enough, and he needs to keep this under his control as much as he can.

“Tony got himself kidnapped,” Rhodey says, aiming for a dry tone but is unable to hide the angry tremor in his voice.

Ever since Rhodey arrived half an hour earlier, he has been glaring, looking Tony over for every twinge of pain he is not sharing, and demanding answers. It has been near impossible to keep him from storming off to look for the people who did this to Tony.

“By whom?” Pepper asks, voice icy. It is a tone that is impossible to ignore.  

Rhodey shrugs. The motions is distinctly dangerous. “He doesn’t want to tell.”

“Then you must not have asked often enough.”

They are in their own little world right now, intent on solving another problem labelled Tony. When Tony first introduced them, he had been anxious whether they would get along, these two most important people in his life. These days, they team up against him far too often for comfort.

“I was getting there,” Rhodey says, and his impatience is not directed at Pepper. “You know how he is.”

“He is right here.” Tony should have kept his mouth shut, because as soon as the words are out, both his friends’ attention is on him. They are wearing twin-unamused expressions of impatient concern. It is nice to have them looking out for him, but right now, he needs them to concentrate on the bigger picture.

“Why?” Pepper demands. One word is enough to convey she will not let this go, not until Tony has given her a satisfactory answer.

Tony stares at the bottle Pepper brought, at his own glass on the table, still containing about an inch of whiskey. He could reach for any of those, offer his friends a drink, stall for time. If he does not stark talking now, though, he might just never manage to.

“They wanted information about my personal projects. My USB drive?” Again, Tony looks closely at Pepper, gauging her reaction. When she nods, impatiently but without guilt, he continues. “Someone hired them to get it for them.”

Steve and his gang have not yet tried to open the files on it – JARVIS would have gotten a signal and alerted him. Tony is afraid that means they will not look at it at all. Almost a whole day has passed since they got the drive. If only they put it in a computer, Tony would know where they are, JARVIS could integrate himself into their system without them ever being the wiser.

It is also entirely possible, that they are going to hand it over to the buyer without ever touching it themselves at all. From a strategic point of view, that would be the better way, since it would lead Tony straight to the person who sold them out.

He wants that connection to Steve, though. He tells himself that is only because he wants to keep an eye on them, to make sure he will know beforehand if they come after him again. There is no denying the sheer demand in the throbbing of the soul bond, though. Perhaps Tony is just too weak to try.

“And you couldn’t just hand it over,” Rhodey says with the kind of accusation that was borne from years of trying to keep Tony safe from himself, “so they beat you up over it.”

The easiest thing would be to say yes. Tony hesitates too long for it to still be believable, though. Immediately, Pepper narrows her eyes at him.

“They took it first thing. That wasn’t the issue.” Tony grimaces, remembering how he thought the kidnapping was the most civil one he ever had. Thoughts like this just have to be punished. “It’s just that they have a personal grudge against –” He shrugs, swallows against the tightness of his throat. “Well, it’s complicated.”

This was a bad idea. He should have done what he always does and hidden away in the workshop until the bruises are faded and took care of this himself. It would have been much easier to not say anything than to fumble through an explanation, especially since he knows he will not be able to satisfy his friends. They will look right through him, and then all the things he wants to keep secret will come out anyway.

For once, he wanted to do the responsible thing and get help, if only because it will be easier like this to deal with the lost weapons. It was stupid to believe they could keep the personal part of the problem out of it.

“You’re obviously deflecting so we don’t have the whole story, but I don’t see what could be complicated about this,” Pepper says, steel in her voice. She shifts her position so she sits farther away from him to make her glare more effective. “Someone kidnapped you, stole your private data, and beat you up. Have you already informed the police?”

“No,” Tony exclaims hastily, the same kneejerk reaction he gave JARVIS. “And we’re not going to.”

Thoroughly unimpressed glances bear into him from both Rhodey and Pepper. Tony feels like withering under it. The disapproval of one of them is hard to shoulder. Both of them at the same time leave him no room to wiggle free.

“Pray tell,” Pepper drawls, ferocious in her worry, “why are we not doing that?”

Tony takes a deep breath and ignores the pain in his ribs. “Because,” he says slowly, silently begging them to listen, “we have bigger problems.”

They do not listen.

“Bigger than someone beating you up?” Pepper asks, staring at the visible bruises before her eyes wander down, attempting to look through his clothes to see the rest of the damage. “Have you been to the hospital?”

Not once in his life has Tony gone willingly to a hospital. They all know that. “JARVIS checked me,” Tony says, making a show of shrugging as if the motion does not hurt. “I’m all right.”

Not taking her eyes off him, Pepper says, “JARVIS?”

The AI answers before Tony can protest. He has probably waited for his cue. “Sir has several broken ribs, a mild concussion –”

Rhodey sits up abruptly, his tension growing tenfold. “You told me you don’t have a concussion,” he calls, cutting JARVIS off. “You’ve been running around all day. You should rest. No screens, no excitement.”

Tony knows how to deal with a concussion. He also knows how to ignore the symptoms. So what if his head starts hurting easier than usual? So what if his vision swims? That is what painkillers and speech output systems are for.

“I’ve slept,” Tony says with all the petulance of someone tired of getting reprimanded for the way he takes care of himself.

“Sir has indeed had a nap for one hour and twenty-seven minutes,” JARVIS speaks up. His tone is too pleased to hide that he let Tony look bad on purpose. They really have to talk about what that whole Protect Anthony E. Stark thing means again.

“That’s like a whole night’s sleep for me,” Tony adds, although there is no saving this blunder.

“We’re not in the mood for jokes,” Rhodey snaps, glaring but not surprised. “JARVIS, get me everything you know about this. Where Tony was kidnapped, who was in the vicinity when it happened, where he turned up again. We’re going to find these bastards.”

Before JARVIS can make things worse by volunteering all his data on the Avengers, Tony says, “We don’t. You don’t.” There is enough authority in his tone that Rhodey, begrudgingly, turns to him, not insisting on his order. “Look, I’ll handle them,” Tony continues, sounding weary. He has to fight the urge to scratch his itching arm. “I didn’t call you here for that.”

With carefully constructed calm, Rhodey asks, “What could be more important than that?”

He shares a look with Pepper, and Tony knows they will not be getting anywhere if he lets them continue this line of questioning. His bruises will fade. He will not do anything about Steve and his gang for now as long as they leave him alone. He will not advertise the fact that he has found his soulmate.

“We have a mole,” Tony repeats his earlier words as firmly as he can manage.

“What does that even mean?” Pepper asks in a high voice, looking ready to throw her hands in the air to show her frustration at how little sense he is making. “We’re not a spy organization, we’re a normal company. Is someone doing inside dealing?”

Now they are getting somewhere, although Pepper does not sound half as concerned about that as she should be.

“Someone’s selling my weapons under the table,” Tony says into the expectant silence. The words weigh heavy on his tongue. “To the enemy. To terrorists. To anyone willing to buy. They turn up where they shouldn’t be and people die.” He exhales slowly, watching his friends’ faces for the same urgent need to fix this as he feels. “Someone’s doing that and we need to find them.”

The first thing Tony notices is the doubt. It might be the way he looks or the fact that they now know he has a concussion or simply that he has just returned home after having been kidnapped. It is not that they do not believe him, but they obviously think there are more important things to deal with.

It makes Tony irrationally angry with them. He is tired and in pain and constantly battling a stream of emotions from the soul bond that he did not ask for. All he wants is for his friends to believe him so that they can do something against this. He does not need to be kept safe right now, he needs to fight.

“How do you know that?” Pepper asks, looking like she has ten arguments ready why this cannot be true.

She does know more about Stark Industries’ inner workings, that is why Tony needs her help. Her constant scepticism, on the other hand, is mostly a hindrance right now. Of course, Tony wants this to be false information. If they go digging and do not find anything, he will be more than happy with that. The do need to look, though.

“The guys who took me told me,” Tony replies. He knows how that sounds. Telling them that the gang leader is his soulmate will not make them trust his word any more – and push them even farther off topic.

“Of course,” Rhodey snaps. He sounds decidedly done with this. “Because kidnappers are a reliable source of information.”

“The leader said –” Tony tries to argue, but does not get any farther.

“Before or after he beat you into a pulp?”

Tension fills the air like static, crackling, ready to detonate at the tiniest spark. Rhodey is trembling with a mixture of anger and worry and the need to find this gang to teach them to never touch Tony again. Tony has seen all of that on his face before, several times even over their friendship. Pepper, too, looks ready to snap. She is pale but her posture is flawless, her back straight to the point where it looks ready to break.

All of that because of Tony, because of some bruises, because someone always has it out for him. A part of him wishes he could give in to them, could allow them to wrap him up in a blanket and hide him away until the world is safe for him. He could give them Steve’s name and watch from afar while they take care of it. No matter how good the Avengers are, they are no match for Colonel Rhodes and Virginia Potts on a mission.

It would feel good even. Probably. He would not have to worry anymore about what to do with Steve, with this bond he does not want. At the same time, though, it would be cheap, heaping the responsibility for this on his friends. He does not want to drag them into another personal drama of his.

“Listen,” Tony says. It should not be this hard to keep his voice calm. “I don’t like this situation either. You’re right. Anyone could have ordered that hit and the information could be false, but now that I have it, I can’t not act on it.”

Tony feels breathless, more so when he sees that Rhodey and Pepper are still hesitating. With a desperation that he hopes does not show, he reaches for his glass and drains it in one go. Feeling restless, he jumps to his feet and walks over to the liquor cabinet where he remains standing, his back to his friends. That gives him the chance to collect himself, although he feels their stares on him, hears their silent conversation.

“I believe that you believe this,” Pepper says slowly, cautiously as if anything could soften the blow of them questioning him still when they could already be acting, “but you hit your head –”

“Yes,” Tony whirls around, alit with frustration, “I hit my head. Repeatedly. Against two guys’ feet. Because they have been out there fighting against terrorists with my weapons.” He forces himself to make a pause, to calm himself. “I don’t like them, and I don’t trust them, but I believe them when they say that someone’s putting my weapons where they don’t belong, and that someone told them that was my doing.”

At least that gets their attention in a not completely doubtful way.

“When did they have time telling you that?” Rhodey asks, still hung up on Tony’s wounds,

Tony closes his eyes, briefly. He remembers the shift on Steve’s face from disgusted to incredulous to concerned, remembers his own dislike decreasing paradoxically every time they looked at each other afterwards, with every touch they shared that did not hurt.

“The leader made sure I did not actually die, because that’s apparently not something they’re doing,” Tony says, his tone as neutral as he can manage. “We had a little chat. He didn’t want me thinking they weren’t justified in what they did.”

Bitterness coats his tongue, but he swallows it. This is not the time to think about Steve.  

“And now you’re all chummy?” Rhodey raises his eyebrows, staring at Tony in the way that makes it clear he knows Tony is hiding something. “He believes you didn’t do it, and you believe they’re not coming after you again?”

Put like that, it really does not make sense. Tony cannot explain it to them, though, cannot open himself up to that misery. “They are passionate enough about this to look for proof before they do anything further.”

“How did you get out?”

Everything in Tony wants to turn around, grab a bottle, and just vanish. Perhaps it was naïve of him to think this would be easier, that they would not ask questions. He keeps his eyes steadily on Rhodey, not even blinking.

“That sounds suspiciously like you’re thinking I’m working with them,” he says, harsher than intended. It does not bring him any satisfaction when Rhodey winces. “This wasn’t my first kidnapping. They beat me up and threw me out. Their job was the USB drive. The punching was just a little extra.”

Where Rhodey looks ready to back down, Pepper is not yet done. “Why won’t you let the police deal with them?” she asks, easily sprinkling more salt into his wounds.

“Because they’re looking into the weapon deals from their end.” That answer will not satisfy her. It would not satisfy him if their roles were reversed, but he is done with this. “Now, could you please stop the interrogation? I asked you here to help. You’re not helping.”

To give them credit, they look ashamed. That does not mean they are giving up or that they are done worrying about him, but perhaps they can finally get to the business at hand.

“We – I’m sorry, Tony,” Pepper says. “We want to help.”

She pats the couch next to her to get him to come back, to sit down. Both of them must see the way Tony is leaning against the cabinet to take some of the weight of his legs. The nap earlier had helped but he still feels the aftershocks of the kidnapping in every movement. Stubbornly, Tony remains where he is.

“Good,” he says with the kind of authority he seldom uses on them. “Then let me handle the kidnappers and concentrate on finding out who’s selling my weapons.”

Pepper nods, although it looks like she is biting her cheek to keep herself from saying something.

Leaning forward, Rhodey studies Tony. “Are you really all right?”

A smile spreads on Tony’s lips, holding no humour, tugging at the bruises. “Of course not,” he replies dryly. “But I will be. I always am.”

Rhodey and Pepper share a look and are not even subtle about it. There is no mistaking their worry, and Tony knows he can trust them. He just needs them to trust him on this too. This is not the time to rest. He can do that afterwards, when this matter is dealt with. And he will get there much faster with their help.

“Of course we’re going to help,” Rhodey says. For a moment, Tony is afraid he has said all of his thoughts out loud. His head is hurting and the concussion might be more noticeable than he told them. “What do you need us to do?”

Tony exhales in relief. This is not over. By showing them that he is hurt, he has doomed himself to constant questions about his well-being, but he could not delay this any longer nor is this a topic that could be talked about on the phone.

“There has to be evidence. A paper trail, communication.” Tony trails off, thinking.

If his weapons are truly spread through the wrong hands, there are a thousand possible perpetrators. It could be someone at Stark Industries, although it would have to be someone high-ranked enough to tamper with the books without it being too obvious. Otherwise, the profits would hardly be worth the risks.

It could also be one of the buyers, which really only leaves someone in the military, and that is a hornet’s nest he does not want to poke unprepared.

The people who could have reasonably ordered the hit on Tony are even more numerous. Business opponents, women he has spurned, fired contractors, former employees. If Tony is good at something, it is at making enemies.

Stark Industries is the sensible place to start. That is where the most damage can be done, both to their future business opportunities and to himself. It is also a matter of pride.

“Pep, I need you to dig into accounting to look for irregularities. I’ve had JARVIS going through anything he can without uploading him to SI’s servers.” Pointing at his face, Tony adds, "I can’t go in to work looking like I do, but I’ll give you something to make it easier to get to the sensitive data. It’s a –” Tony interrupts himself. Pepper does not need to know about the technicalities, the algorithm. She just needs to put the USB drive into a computer at Stark Industries. “It’ll help me get in.”

He waits for her nod, then turns to Rhodey “You’re my ears within the military. We need to know where my weapons wind up. Maybe someone’s just selling them on. I don’t –”

Tony shrugs. A thousand different starting points and possible solutions race through his head, but he does not know which step to take first. He is so tired but there is no rest in sight.

“We’ll take care of it,” Pepper says, as resolute as he had hoped for her to be from the very beginning. Once she sees Tony bearing up to protests, she amends, “We’ll take care of our end.”

Rhodey nods his head in affirmation. “Show us what you’ve got already.”

This time, when Pepper beckons him back to the couch, he goes to her, glad to sink back into the cushions. Nothing is solved yet, nothing makes sense, but with his two friends at his side, he has come so much closer to it already.

For the rest of the night, they strategize, speculate, and if they try to send him off to bed several times or to keep him from looking at a screen to long, Tony can live with that. It is good, even, to let them take some of the control.

They never get around to drinking that bottle of wine after all.

 ---

Pepper leaves at some point, citing the need to get some sleep if she is to go to Stark Industries in the morning without raising suspicion. She has a reputation to uphold of being constantly perfect, unflappable. Pepper Potts is never too tired or too distracted to do her job and to do it well.

Rhodey stays, though. It will be only for one night and that is too much of an unauthorized leave already, but Tony does not have it in him to send his best friend away tonight. He is in need of comfort, even if he does not outright say it. Rhodey understands him well enough without words, and he does not need to know the exact reason.

They stay on the couch, cuddled up together like they have done a thousand times before. Tony does not say anything when Rhodey pushes the wine bottle out of his reach. The one glass of whiskey he had sits heavily inside his stomach already. Getting drunk might have been his universal response to any problem at one point, but his head feels messed up already without adding alcohol into the mix. If Rhodey thinks that means Tony is slowly learning something like common sense, Tony does not correct him.

Tony pulls a blanket up around them as he settles more comfortably against Rhodey, using Rhodey’s breathing as a template for his own. He is calmer now, having lifted a huge part of the weight off his chest. His arm is itching, but he has taken care all evening to not reach for it to not tip off his friends about it.

He knows that Rhodey has not yet met his soulmate, and he supposes Pepper has not either, although they have never specifically talked about it. If not for the complicated mess surrounding the whole matter, Tony would have told them. He would have never even hesitated. They are family, the people he trusts most in the world.

“Are you all right?” Rhodey asks, disrupting the comfortable silence with more concern.

“Asked and answered, platypus,” Tony replies briskly, closing his eyes as if Rhodey would believe him if he pretended to fall asleep. “It’s time to move on.”

A silent chuckle reverberates through Rhodey’s body. “That was several hours ago,” he argues, “when we had a problem to solve.”

Tony’s answer to that will never change. He is fine, and if he is not he will act like it until the situation has either blown over or he has fixed things. With this, of course, only one of these is an actual option.

“We haven’t solved anything,” Tony says, attempting to change the topic, no matter that he would prefer to not talk anymore at all.

“I know. But we’re getting there,” Rhodey says, sounding like he is rolling his eyes, but Tony is too tired to lift his head and look. “So, how are you really doing?”

Of course, Rhodey would not let himself be distracted this easily. Tony is silent for a long moment, burrowing his face closer into Rhodey’s warmth. He is not going to lie, Rhodey would see through him anyway. The question is just how much of the truth he is going to offer.  

“I’m tired and in pain and not as angry as I should be,” he finally says, quiet and disheartened, perhaps too honest.

Rhodey raises his arm and puts it around Tony to hold him closer. Inside his own mind, Tony can admit that he missed this, intimacy without any demands. There is no price to pay for Rhodey’s closeness other than opening himself up enough to accept it.

“You’ll get there,” Rhodey says, not a trace of doubt in his voice. “I’ll give you until tomorrow morning to snap out of feeling betrayed right into doing something about it.”

Part of Tony fears that moment. He can never be sure he will make the right decisions.

“I thought we were already doing something,” he answers somewhat flippant, then softens. “But I hope you’re right. It feels wrong to be so passive about this.”

“As long as I’ve known you, you’ve never been passive,” Rhodey says, clicking his tongue. “Sometimes, your brain is pulling you into too many directions at once, but I’ve never seen you pass by a problem or a wrong without doing something about it.”

It is nice to have someone believing in him, even though Tony obviously does not deserve that kind of trust. If he did, he would not have been so blind, he would not have a soulmate who hates what he is, what he stands for

“So that is how my weapons are ending up in terrorists’ hands. Because I always fix what’s wrong.” Tony’s voice is sharp, but he only cuts himself with it. He has practice doing that.

Rhodey sits up a bit straighter, looking down at Tony even when Tony avoids his eyes. “You didn’t know,” he intones firmly, leaving no room for discussion. “And now that you do, you are immediately acting to make up for it.”

Glancing up, Tony is overwhelmed by the sheer conviction in his best friend’s eyes. “I should have known,” he says nonetheless, not allowing his guilt to be taken from him so easily.

“No sense in dwelling on that” Rhodey insists, unwilling to move even one bit. “We’ll make it right.”

It would be easy to give into the ease with which Rhodey promises something that is not actually in his control to offer. Tony will still wake up tomorrow, and none of his problems will have gotten any smaller. On the contrary, time and distance do not seem to make the heaviness in his arm go away, nor the nonsensical longing.  Over the course of this day, it had periodically risen and fallen, even. There is no ignoring the fact that Steve and he are now connected.  

“Can we?” Tony asks, concentrating back on the topic at hand. “I mean, so much bad stuff has happened because of this. People are dead or hurt, the fighting never comes to an end.”

For all that it is a big part of Tony’s life, war has always been an abstract thing, captured in statistics and equations, not in actual human lives. Tony is familiar with the recoil of a gun, but not with the force of impact in a body. He knows about the blast radius of bombs but not about the wreckage they leave behind. His best friend is part of the military, but he has never allowed himself to think about Rhodey not coming home.

“They aren’t fighting because they have your weapons,” Rhodey argues with a ferocity that soothes Tony a bit. Not enough to keep him from loading more blame onto his plate, but it is a beginning.

“But they do it so much more effectively with them,” Tony replies, self-loathing dripping from his tongue.

He has had so many ideas not involving weapons. He should have ignored his board of directors, should have ignored Obadiah even, and done something good for the world for once. How hard could it be? They are afraid of losing money, but not all profit has to be paid for in blood.  

“Tones –” Rhodey says slowly, gearing up for another argument.

“I know, I know,” Tony cuts him off quickly. He even manages to paste a smile on his face. “Moving on.”

In response, Rhodey holds him tighter for a minute, another promise of safety that could not possibly be upheld. It almost seems like this is it, that Rhodey will let it go now. Then, however, with grating nonchalance, Rhodey asks, “Why are you protecting the kidnappers?”

“What? I don’t – why would I?”

Rhodey knows him too well. Tony could bury him under a never-ending flood of arguments, all of them solid and logical, and Rhodey would still zero in on the fact that Tony is hiding something.

“Then why don’t you tell me their names,” Rhodey continues casually, as if he does not care for the answer either way. “I’m sure JARVIS has found something out already.”

The knowledge of all the information about the Avengers is weighing heavily on Tony. He sends a silent plea to his AI to not mess this up by unwanted autonomy for once. Miraculously, JARVIS remains silent.

“I can’t,” Tony then says as firmly as he can. He almost wants to disentangle from Rhodey but does not, knowing it would seem too defensive. “I – I know one of them.”

It is not even a complete lie. Bruce, as it turns out, is the one and only Dr. Bruce Banner. Tony has read all of his papers, has gushed over them really. It had been a hard hit for the scientific community when Bruce disappeared several years ago, running from a military contract he had apparently taken offense to. Colleagues had declared him another brilliant mind lost to scruples.  Considering the company Bruce is keeping now, something more sinister must have happened.

Bruce might not be the reason Tony is so tight-lipped about the kidnapping, but he will serve for now. He is a better alternative than making up some story about Steve without mentioning that they are soulmates.

“You know them?” Rhodey asks, leaning back to look at Tony with open incredulity. His eyes are turning just a shade more furious.

“One of them,” Tony corrects, keeping his tone even as if his heart is not beating wildly. “And he didn’t harm me. On the contrary, he helped me get out. He promised that they won’t come after me again.”

Rhodey does not believe him. Not fully. There are too many holes in Tony’s story. “And you –”

“Please, Rhodey,” Tony interrupts him, shoulders dropping. “I can’t fight all these battles at once.”

They are at an impasse, neither of them willing to back down. In the end, though, Rhodey will always care for Tony’s well-being.

“All right,” he says, although nothing is. “As long as you promise me you won’t fight them alone.”

Tony opens his mouth, mindless agreement lying on his tongue. He thinks better of it, though. Despite all their years of friendship, it is still incredibly hard to reach out for help.

“I called you as soon as I came home, right?” he then says, skirting the topic graciously enough that Rhodey lets it drop.

“Right,” Rhodey says, drawing out the word, then relaxes back into the cushions. “Now, do you want to go sleep in an actual bed, or are you condemning us both to hurting backs tomorrow morning?”

Smiling, Tony wonders for the umpteenth time how he deserves a friend like this. “I’m comfortable where I am.”

Rhodey sighs but does not seem surprised. “I knew you’d say that,” he mutters, but already adjusts his position to make it more comfortable for the both of them on the couch. “Sleep, you maniac. I have to catch an early flight tomorrow.”

When Tony shifts his head a bit, he can hear Rhodey’s heartbeat, a steady, familiar sound. Like that, he knows he will be able to sleep, perhaps even dreamlessly. This is the soundtrack of his MIT years, which were perhaps the happiest of his life. Like this, with Rhodey at his side, Tony knows he is safe.  

[bone-shaped-cookie-blog]

Why William took his own life: a fan theory

In Kuroshitsuji, the grim reapers (or shinigami) are former humans who committed suicide. This begs the question of what the current reapers were like as humans, as well as what led them to take their own lives to begin with. I’m going to take a look at William T. Spears and what his reasons for it might have been.

William’s personality

To hypothesise about the circumstances of Will’s death, we first have to consider his personality. To me, his most striking characteristics are extreme distaste for demons and unusual dedication to his work. Almost everything Will ever says or does is related to his job:

The first time he appears in the manga, he introduces himself as “William T. Spears of the Dispatch Management Division”. He emphasizes his identity as a representative of his organization instead of just giving his name (as Grelle and Ronald do).

His most commonly-stated concern is not being able to finish work on time.

He’s very strict about following Dispatch’s rules himself, as well as harshly policing any  subordinates who disobey them.

He constantly complains about working overtime, the Dispatch being understaffed, and the incompetence of his co-workers.

He believes a shinigami’s duty should be placed above everything else, including one’s own needs and feelings.

His repulsion towards Sebastian may not be a personal thing so much as a job-driven attitude: after all, demons devour the souls which shinigami are supposed to collect, making the latter group’s job significantly more difficult. It’s no wonder, then, that Will despises Sebastian and his ilk.

As you can see, Will’s whole (after)life is reduced to fulfilling his duties; in contrast to others (Grelle, Ronald, Undertaker), he doesn’t seem to think of himself as an individual as much he does an employee of the Dispatch.

Another of Will’s notable features is the limited range of emotions he expresses. Every time we see Suit, he’s either irritated or expressionless; strong positive emotions (such as excitement, joy, or love) are foreign to him. Other reapers enjoy the company of others (including humans), and are often seen enjoying their duties, but Will isn’t like that at all. All that matters to him is his job, but even fulfilling his duties doesn’t seem to make William happy. Quite the contrary in fact, as his job is the main source of his problems. It’s quite possible he doesn’t like being a shinigami one bit,  and yet – unlike the Undertaker – he has never deserted, trying to do his best for the sake of his organization, dealing with its demands and performing tasks way beyond the scope of his assigned duties, never reaching satisfaction. This whole situation must be very stressful; no wonder Will’s so anxious and frustrated all the time...

William’s hypothetical past

The way William the shinigami thinks and acts can’t be too different from how he thought and acted as a human, therefore it’s probable that his current obsession with work and work-related problems started even before he joined the Dispatch, and could even have been a significant factor in his suicide.

This idea occurred to me when I came across a phenomenon called “karojisatsu”, a Japanese term for suicide induced by stress from overwork. Alongside with karoshi (death from overwork), karojisatsu has been a big social issue in Japan ever since the economic crisis in the late 1980s/early 1990s, which forced people to work much harder and longer than before. By the end of the 1990s, the suicide rate among the working-age population had increased dramatically. Researchers have pointed out that the enormous pressure placed on the employees, including extremely long working hours and low social support at work, likely influences these salarymen to  commit suicide. According to government figures cited in the Washington Post, Japan had 2,207 work-related suicides in 2007, and 672 of these caused by stress from work. Also, despite a recent decline in suicide rates for Japan’s general population, statistics still show alarmingly high suicide rates among young men that correlate strongly with extreme stress and fatigue from overwork.

William as karojisatsu victim

Toboso-sensei, being Japanese herself, would be familiar with this concept, and it seems she used it as inspiration for Will’s character, seeing how well he fits the image of a Japanese salaryman (although he is more impolite than one would expect of such an individual). One paper examining the characteristics of people who committed karojisatsu  lists traits that match William’s character very well:

„Eleven of the victims (50%) wrote suicide notes … [with] a tone of self-reproach for their poor performance at work. Work was so central to these people’s self-esteem that their inability to cope with career-related demands was the biggest cause of their suicide”. William is concerned about his work performance, he wants everything to be done by the book, and he becomes irritated if things go wrong. Although he doesn’t hesitate to blame others for delays, he still feels responsible for his tasks and worries about not completing them on time. He might’ve been in a similar situation before he died – due to his previous employer’s inhumane demands, his physical and mental health decreased over time and eventually led him to suicide.   

Another large-scale effect influencing the work-related suicide epidemic in Japan is what could be called a culturally-enforced strong work ethic. “Japanese workers work very hard, even when suffering from poor physical or mental health due to overwork, and many workers will say, ‘If I fail now, I will burden my co-workers. Therefore, I cannot avoid work.” Similarly, William places duty above all else, including his own thoughts and feelings (and demands the same from others). He has completely devoted himself to his role as a shinigami. According to him, being a perfect reaper means completing one’s assignments without fail, at any time, and in any state. Having similarly strict attitudes in his previous life as a human could be another factor in his untimely demise.

Low social support (at work) is another common trait of karojisatsu victims. Although we don’t know what Will was like when he was a human, I doubt he had many friends. He seems to be a loner, limiting his interactions with others to work-related business, and doesn’t appear to enjoy any kind of company. If he was like that back when he was among the living, it’s unlikely that he had any friends or companions to support him emotionally, exacerbating the strain on his mental health.

“Individuals might have indicated that they were tired or exhausted or that they wanted to retire”. Will constantly complains about being too busy and unable to finish work on time, and refers to his side tasks as being bothersome and unpleasant. He isn’t emotionally motivated to do what he does, he’s simply following orders because he’s obliged to do so and has a strong sense of the weight of his responsibilities. So although Will’s never directly stated he wants out, his whole attitude screams “This whole shinigami thing is a pain, I’m doing it only because I have to”. It’s clearly exhausting for him. What’s even worse, it might be the second time he’s been in a situation like this,  if we assume his current state even vaguely reflects that of his pre-suicide self, he might have been tired of his “human” job, but was unable to quit (due to a strong work ethic/financial reasons/worsening mental health/etc.) and forced himself to stick with it until the very literal end. This would make working as a shinigami a doubly-cruel punishment for him, as it would be like reliving that ‘work hell’ he (could have) already experienced as a human.

“Overwork might not have been a direct cause of suicide; however, mental health problems, especially depression, may have contributed to the factors that led up to suicide”. William doesn’t seem depressed, you might say, but for men, depression is often masked by non-obvious symptoms, such as physical exhaustion, aggression, irritability and addictions, and thus remain undiagnosed. As the authors of the article themselves note, “Japanese male workers tend to show physical symptoms rather than depressive feelings due to unfavorable cultural attitudes toward depression”. Therefore, the possibility of William suffering from depression (obviously a strong risk factor for suicide), cannot be excluded. This would also explain his behaviour pretty well (constant exhaustion, negativity, being harsh and violent towards others…).

In conclusion: Work-related stress almost undoubtedly caused Will’s suicide, or at least contributed to it significantly. Although I have no direct proof, and indeed there might never be any (unless sensei eventually decides to reveal Suit’s past), I think this theory works well with Will’s personality and adds much more depth to him, making him something more than just “tight-assed guy who’s always angry at Grelle and complains a lot”. After all, there was a time when the Undertaker was a purely comedic character, and later that turned out to be only one piece of his complex personality (and/or a coping mechanism he developed to deal with the loss of his loved ones). So why would William be different...?

*** Proofreading: @baroness-caffeine (Thank you soooo much for taking care of that despite being busy, you did a great job!)

[bakugou-ou]

Bakugou scenario when he found out that his gf is pregnant but she's not telling him yet? (because she didn't want to tie him down and take responsibility before he become a pro hero? They're at college and mature enough to have a baby) a little angst with happy ending? Thanks

*whispers* this reminds me of an RP I did with my pal Vampy, it was BakuJirou, and it was amazing, and I’m feeling nostalgic so I’m gonna do this now… >:3

For the fifth time thatday, Katsuki was stood outside the women’s restroom, waiting for his girlfriendto come back out. He wasn’t a theme park kind of guy, but he was on a mission,and there was no better place to go to get someone sick than a theme park.Sugary food, violently spinning rides, hot sun beating down, noisy children, itwas a recipe for sickness…

They hadn’t been on asingle ride yet.

All they had done so farwas eat some funnel cake, play a few carnival games, during which he wonseveral large stuffed animals for her, and walking around a bit. Between almostevery game they played, she had ran off to the nearest bathroom, or trashcan ifshe couldn’t make it that far, and they’d only been there about two hours.

For weeks, Katsuki hadknown something was up with his girlfriend; she complained about the way hegroped her chest during sex, saying he was being too rough despite him being tamer than usual, she became inexplicablydefensive when he asked about them having sex right through the week her periodusually arrived, she started complaining about being nauseated by the smells ofher favorite foods, and then the vomiting started.

Even if he wasn’t smart, being a genius wasn’tnecessary to put two and two together to make four; or, in this case, one andone to make three. Looking back on the months leading up to that day, he knewhe had fucked up along the way, they both had, throwing caution to wind a fewtimes in the heat of the moment, and as he stood, leaning against a railingsurrounding an artificial lake, watching the entrance to the women’s restroom,he could hear his mother’s nagging voice: itonly takes one time.

They were usually good about using protection, butsometimes they ran out, or they just didn’tuse anything, which he knew was stupid, but it wasn’t ever his idea, that was all on her… Except he let it happen, so he wasjust as at fault, and he knew it.

His goal that day was totry and get her to admit it; usually, he would have just flat out asked, buthaving tried that several times earlier in the week and being yelled at for it,he figured that he’d tire her out and get her to cop up to being pregnant thatway. Even though she was constantly getting sick, she seemed to be in a goodmood, appreciative of him calling out of work for the day to take her on adate, but he was sure she was just as suspicious of him as he was of her.

Why wouldn’t she tellhim? They were partners, weren’t they? And if she was pregnant, which he had no doubt about by that afternoon, he hada right to know. It irked him, it kept him up at night, but she just wouldn’tsay anything to him.

He heaved a heavy sigh,and as soon as he had resigned himself to the fact that he might not actually hearher say she was pregnant until after the baby was born, with how pigheaded shecould be, she came out of the bathroom, looking exhausted.

“Must have been somepretty bad funnel cake,” Katsuki remarked, smiling softly as his girlfriendreturned to his side, “Maybe we should just sit for a while, get some fluidsinto you.”

“I’m fine,” She protested, glaring daggers at him, “We came all the wayhere, we need to at least do something.”

“Well, so far we’vewalked around, played some stupid carnival games, and you’ve thrown up fivetimes,” He replied, moving closer to her, “I don’t think you’re up for rollercoasters, or bumper cars.”

“I can handle it,Katsuki.” She hissed, knocking her shoulder into his arm as she moved past him,heading for the path to the nearest roller coaster.

“I can handle it, Katsuki.” He mocked quietly, rolling his eyes andfollowing after her.

Of the many qualities heloved about his girlfriend, her stubbornness and determination to conquer any adversecircumstances were probably two of his favorites, even if they often got intosilly little arguments because he was even morestubborn and determined to win than she was… But that day, it was justconcerning.

Her pants weren’t fittingright, there was no denying that her abdomen was just the smallest bit rounderthan it had been before, and she was wearing baggier shirts. He wondered if shethought she was slick, or if she was just in denial; either way, he knew, andnothing she did to hide it would work now.

“Hey, loser, wait up!” Hesaid, tapping her shoulder with the large cup he’d gotten, filled with Gatorade,“Drink some of this, you’re gonna get dehydrated if you keep throwing up andnot replacing what you put out.”

As irritated as he wasthat she hadn’t just said somethingto him, he was more concerned with her health, and making sure she was takencare of. He found himself unintentionally being more concerned about her,cooking her dinner, making sure she was constantly drinking water or otherstuff that was healthy… He was always a bit of a protective person, but hissuspicion was bringing that nature out in spades.

She snatched the cup fromhim and took a few good sips from the plastic bendy straw, blue liquid flowingthrough it, and then she stopped, looking at him like she was suspicious of hisintentions.

“Why are you acting soclingy today?” She questioned, shoving the end of the straw back into its holeso that the cup wouldn’t spill.

“Because you’re mygirlfriend and you’re acting weird as hell,” He answered, gently kicking theback of her calf, “Roller coaster, right?”

“Yep.” She nodded.

The two of them movedthrough the crowds towards the largest roller coaster at the park, all thewhile his suspicion eating away at his will to keep quiet. She seemed stoic,other than the obvious queasiness she was experiencing, the way she kept hermouth tightly shut and eyes planted on the roller coaster ahead of them.

Whywon’t you just tell me?

The queue was massive, a sign near the entrance to theline read current wait time: eighty threeminutes. Katsuki hated lines, he didn’t want to wait in one when he knewthey couldn’t even go on the ride.She’d get sick again long before they got on the ride, he was positive of that,but still she charged ahead, entering the queue even after he asked if she was sure she wanted to wait in that line inthe hot sun.

Every now and then, she’dtake the cup back and sip from it, watching a family a few people ahead of themwith their twin toddlers. Whenever she caught him looking at her, she seemedflustered and would look everywhere but at him or the family ahead of them.

He wasn’t actually sureif he wanted kids or not, he hadn’t given it a lot of thought. He lived in the moment,and he thought that if he was goingto have kids, it’d happen a lot later in his life, after he was already a prohero, after he had done everything he had wanted to do. They hadn’t ever talkedabout it, so he had no idea how shefelt, and she had no idea how hefelt.

Was that why she wasn’tsaying anything?

The idea of having a kidthen was a bit terrifying, but he had always known it was a possibility; sexmade babies, and they had had a lotof sex, so it was inevitable, wasn’t it?

As they stood about a quarterof the way through the queue, he spotted a large sign off to the side of thequeue, displaying the ride’s rules again. In very bold writing, it stated people with certain medical conditions, suchas heart conditions, those who are prone to motion sickness, and those that arepregnant, are not allowed to ride this attraction.

The closer they moved tothe sign, the closer Katsuki came to just flat out pulling the two fo them outof the line; his girlfriend was definitely pregnant, and he wasn’t going to risktheir secret baby’s existence because his girlfriend wanted to be stubborn andsay nothing about it to him.

“You sure you wanna go onthis thing?” Katsuki asked as they came parallel to the sign.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”She asked in response, looking to him with a perplexed look.

Katsuki glanced over tohis right, seeing the sign, reading the line again: people with certain medical conditions, such as heart conditions, thosewho are prone to motion sickness, and those who are pregnant, are not allowedto ride this attraction.

He reached out and tappedthe sign, pointing at the part that explicitly mentioned pregnancy.

It took a second, but hisgirlfriend’s expression when from neutral confusion to looking like the wholeworld had just crashed down around her. Her hand came up over her mouth, hereyes widened, and he sighed.

He reached out andgrabbed the hand that was still at her side, and he gently tugged, pulling hercloser to himself, and to the exit to the line. She didn’t protest, her handdropping away from her face as they ducked out of the line, heading to find asquiet a place to sit and talk at as could be managed at a theme park.

After a bit of wandering,purchasing a couple slices of pizza and a drink refill, they found a table nearan area of the park designed specifically for families with children to relax;that wasn’t them, yet, but it would be, so Katsuki figured he might as well getused to being there.

“So, when were you planningon telling me?” He asked as she took a bite into her pizza.

She was quiet, and shewasn’t looking at him.

“I wasn’t.” She answered,staring down at her pizza.

“That’s not how being ina relationship works, you know,” He replied, somewhat snarkily, “Especiallywhen it comes to something that’s as big of a deal as having a baby.”

“I just didn’t want totie you down, and you’ve never said you wanted a kid, so I didn’t know what todo!” She snapped, turning to face him, “You’ve got a lot you want to do, and Idon’t wanna make that harder for you.”

That was somehow the mostselfless and selfish thing he had ever heard, but whatever irritation he hadfelt with her before about her refusing to tell him she was pregnant, itdisappeared. He understood it, even if he didn’t like it, but he had to make itright.

“If I didn’t want to riskbeing tied down, I wouldn’t be in a relationship with you, let alone havingsex. Kind of how that works, isn’t it?” He said, draping an arm over hershoulder and pulling her closer, “Besides, of all the people I could have a kidwith, I think you’re pretty kickass.”

“Are you saying you’reokay with this?” She asked, looking astounded.

“As okay as I can be,” Heanswered, leaning over and stealing a bite of her pizza, “I’ve got a decent paidinternship, we’re almost done with school, I love you, I’m pretty sure you love me, we were going to move in together afterthis semester was over anyway, you’re already pregnant, I don’t see why thiswouldn’t be workable.”

He already knew how muchshit he was going to get from his parents, though they’d come around to the ideaafter a bit, since they weren’t really all that much older than the two of themwere when they had him.

“Forgetting for a secondhow worried you are about how us having a kid would impact my future, do you wanna have this baby?” He asked.

If she really wanted tohave his kid, he’d make it work. He hadn’t known before if he wanted kids, but ifhe was having a kid, it didn’t matter; he liked kids, he was pretty good withthem, in his own opinion, so if she was set on it, he could be just as happy aboutit and set on it as she was.

“Well, yeah,” She answered,“Before I found out, I was thinking about what I wanted for our future… Youknow, like a nice house, and both of us to work good jobs, you being a prohero, me doing what I wanted, a couple of kids who look exactly like you and your mom…”

She giggled, and it wasthe first time she had sounded that bubbly in weeks.

He could easily imagine allof it; nice house, being a pro hero, coming home after a long day at work toher and two tiny humans who looked freakishly like himself, but one having hernose and lips, the other having her eyes and hair. In his mind, they were bothboys, but he didn’t know what she was thinking.

“Cool, because I wantthat stuff, too.” Katsuki said, taking another bite out of her pizza, “But, you’regonna have to make it up to me for hiding shit.”

“And how would you like meto do that?” She asked, leaning into him.

“Well, you can start bytelling me if you’ve been to a doctor already,” He answered, “And if you have,and you’ve got ultrasound images, you can show them to me.”

“I haven’t, yet, but I’ve got an appointment next week,which I’d really like you to be there for.” She replied.

I’vegot an appointment next week, which I’d really like you to be there for.

He hadn’t really felt anykind of way about the situation until she said that, but as soon as he heardit, his heart felt unusually full, his stomach was fluttering, and he was excited. She wanted him there, and he wantedto be there for her. And he would be, there was no way in hell he’d miss somethinglike a doctor’s appointment, especially if it was the first.

“I’ll make it work.” Hesaid, kissing the top of her head.

And that was the truth,he would make it work; all of it,every bit that went into whatever their future was going to look like. It wasn’t the end of the world, it was morelike the big bang, and knowing he was right, hearing it from her and not fromhis own brain, he was looking forward to it.

[fatphobiabusters]

Anonymous Submission. TW: aphobia, amatonormativity , swearing, fatphobia

Hi. I wrote this blog some months ago asking about the relationship between amatonormativity and fatphobia because I wasn’t able to find anything on the subject. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been turning it over in my brain, and I thought I’d compile a ranty essay about my personal conjecture on the matter.

>> Seven years ago, teen me was talking to people in a chat room. Upon learning I was a girl, another user assumed I was looking for a boyfriend and asked lightheartedly what physical attributes I preferred in a boy. Short? Tall? Muscular? Fat?

At this point, I was completely unaware of the fact that I was a-spec. As someone who now identifies as both recipromantic (experiencing romantic attraction only after someone else expresses interest first) and asexual, I have to say physical attraction always eluded me a little bit. I’d never even actively thought about it until then. After a moment, I supposed the only requirement was that the boy liked me first.

So I wrote, “I don’t care. I’m not picky.”

The other user’s response felt like a sneer through the computer. “That is such a fat thing to say.” He proceeded to make fun of me, crying, “Fatty! You’re a fatty!” until I left.

When I look back on that incident now, I still feel angry. But I also know enough now to have realized that he used fat as a “threat” to challenge my “straightness” when I still assumed I had it. That it was a combination of his fatphobia and mine that led me to leave.

Not gonna lie, I’m not certain in my a-spec identity. I’m always worrying, what if I’m wrong? I’ve questioned multiple times if maybe I wouldn’t be a-spec if I wasn’t also fat. What I’ve realized since then is that what I was asking myself was really, “Would I still be the same person I am if I hadn’t been ridiculed for being fat?”

I don’t have the answers to that. Maybe. Maybe not.

____

One of your followers said the game surrounding fatness and amatonormativity is rigged, which can’t be truer.

IMO, to be Straight with a capital S as defined by our thinphobic, beauty-obsessed society requires certain levels of artifice and performance that I’m not at all comfortable with. Fat people have extra burdens put on them to appear hypergendered in order to be accepted in the public eye, let alone be considered potential partners. They aren’t exactly free to express themselves however they want regarding their mannerisms, creativity and dress, but instead must edit these aspects for others’ consumption.

That coupled with the stress of trying to appeal to others romantically and/or sexually is akin to the stress of having to pass multiple tests. Each grows harder than the last when you’re not naturally inclined to the whole song and dance due to being, y'know, a-spec.

For many people, a breakup or botched date gets processed as grave failure. Eventually the thought strikes me as absurd. Why would anybody want to put themselves through this? Is being alone really so bad a punishment as amatonormativity’s making it out to be? After all, there’s no one I have to “perform” for when I’m by myself; I don’t have to run counter to my nature and wear makeup and watch what I dress and do and say just to ensure a boy—or anyone else, for that matter—likes me.

Just because I’m a-spec doesn’t mean I don’t want to be cared for and listened to, even if not in romantic or sexual ways. Yet those are, for a while at least, the only two options I see.

When teen me goes to school, I drown in a sea of amatonormativity and fatphobia. I can feel the other students’ eyes run over my body and deem it an ugly, repulsive thing that diminishes my worth somehow … And I can’t help but feel I have to wade through a sea of bullshit to grab whatever straws of affection I can find. In doing so, I also can’t help but begin to think there’s something fundamentally wrong with me.

My friends try to get me to dance. They insist I’ll be okay if I take off my jacket and reveal my bare upper arms, but I don’t want to. It’s this small ring of people who don’t see the fat I dread when they look at me.

Even then, they still date and go out with each other. I feel so incredibly lonely when they do because I experience what I fear the most: being left behind. And that leads me to enter a relationship I’m not ready for because I feel “it’s time,” “no one else will ask me out as I am anyway” and that it’s what “adults” do, rather than because, “Yay, I want to!”

So … Is it any wonder I’m relieved when the relationship ends? I don’t have to pretend to be Straight anymore. I don’t have to deal with the anxiety of timing my hugs when I’m touch-averse, of appearing “cute” to my boyfriend to keep his attention, of thinking, “Maybe I’m a bad person” for feeling aesthetically attracted to others and feeling my attraction to him fade. Of fearing that people may mock me and laugh at me behind my back because I dare enter a relationship While Fat™.

I once read a post that said the reason why people cut down the fat person who claims their own happiness is because they feel that person has “cheated” the institutions that reward thinness, and the fat person doing this somehow cheats them.

Likewise, aphobes say that a-specs “only love themselves” and “need to go outside” for what I suspect are similar reasons. If a-specs claim their lives are already full and complete without romantic love and sex, then they’ve walked away from the power our sexually compulsive, amatonormative society exerts over them. That angers and frightens those who’ve spent years trying to “win” the game, even if only on a subconscious level. Besides, it’s easier to condemn those who don’t conform to traditional narratives than to reexamine one’s own belief in those narratives.

Aphobia, fatphobia and amatonormativity each share the tendency to objectify the fat a-spec. The conversation turns external to the speaker, as if whatever attraction (or lack thereof) the person feels is irrelevant; it is instead what othersthink of them that shifts the focus toward potential partners, spouses, strangers, family and children rather than the real person who is hurting right now.

Don’t most fatphobic conversations steer toward how the fat person can gain thin privilege on an individual level? “Lose weight and people will treat you better. Stop being a-spec, and people will treat you better.” Both fat and the a-spec orientations thus become things to be denied, diminished, rather than celebrated.

Then there’s the denial, the gaslighting. Aphobia says, “You don’t experience attraction? You must be lying.” This strips the a-spec person of agency because it implies that they cannot trust their own judgment.

Likewise: “You’re fat and happy? You must be lying.” The common misconceptions that fat people must lack self-control and are victims in their own narrative also strip them of agency.

Amatonormativity asks, “Why haven’t you begun looking for a partner yet? You’re not complete without one! You can’t be happy without one!”

For the a-spec, pinning our source of happiness to a concept we may not even be able to believe in or access is a terrifying thought. How many fat people have felt similarly broken due to not being able to secure partners?

Lastly, fatphobia says: “Hush, a-spec. You’re only this way because you’re lonely and sad and you haven’t managed to find someone who’s attracted to you (regardless of whether this is true or not).”

And all of this? Is complete, utter nonsense.

In that vein, “Have you tried dating?” isn’t a very different question from, “Have you tried losing weight?” Besides being flippant and dismissive, it doesn’t offer much in the way of actual help that listening and empathy would.

What makes it even more insidious is that these intrusive, probing questions often get couched in terms that make it seem as though the asker is coming from a genuine place of concern. Even if they are, that still doesn’t erase the fact that the fat person’s identity, privacy and personal standards for happiness will always seem like open debate topics.

Furthermore, the pathologization of fat and a-spec orientations puts a double whammy on the fat a-spec by using “legit-sounding” misinformation to make them doubt themselves. As if it’s not bad enough we’re demeaned as worthless, “broken,” and less-than-human despite our character and achievements: apparently, nothing we do or become can ever “make up for” this perceived lack, not in a society that prizes sex and romance.

No, internalized fatphobia and aphobia ensure we constantly have this nagging voice in the back of our heads, saying: “You’re only aro/ace because you had no other options.” “No one will love you the way you want when you’re this fat.” Sometimes these two thoughts get combined in an especially insidious way: “You’re not a valid aro/ace because you’re fat and you believe no one will love you.”

NEVER MIND that drive (libido) does not equal attraction.

NEVER MIND that some aces experience hypersexuality and have naturally high sex drives, and that aromantic people can experience hyperromanticism, and that the a-spec is a spectrum above all and encompasses a wide range of backgrounds, circumstances and orientations—yes, including fat.

NEVER MIND that fat people have been engaged in relationships of all types for ages, and it’s society that perpetuates the lie of the “lonely fatty” to terrorize us and keep us from finding happiness.

NEVER MIND a fat a-spec can still experience the typical hormone imbalances that always get thrown at a-specs as “proof” of their “deceit,” and those imbalances still wouldn’t invalidate them in a thousand years.

Listen. As someone who’s battling all these doubts and more, I just have to say this in conclusion to other fat a-specs: I see you. Maybe you won’t find all the answers you’re looking for. Maybe you’ll never be 100% now-and-forever sure. Maybe these facets of your identity overlap too much for you to separate them, and maybe you don’t want to separate them. The important thing is, you’re recognized, you’re valid.

And you’re not alone.

[goldenscript]

36. new balance

↳ prompt: the night we shared when we couldn't sleep → robin!jimin

pairing: park jimin | reader genre: teen titans au / light fluff word count: 1,900

Jimin finds you on the bridge—your head poised upward toward the clear skies and your eyes shut chasing the specks of sleep that has always alluded you. He feels the cold breeze nipping against his skin, the slight rise of gooseflesh decorating his flesh, and from the looks of your own exposed flesh, you were no exception to the cold either.

For him, he has always relished in the lack of sleep that has come with being a helping figure to the public. To be considered a hero still hasn’t sunken in, but being able to provide a semblance of peace to the world has always been better than sitting still and letting the expanse of his thoughts drag him back into the abyss. To feel human has been even harder than coming to terms with his newfound status as a leader of a team he never thought he was ready for either, and yet lacking that and wanting to feel came hand-in-hand. But, to know that he wasn’t alone in his own battle for what made someone human and what made someone more than just a servant to this city comforted him.

You, well, comforted him. And you knew that better than anyone, even the ones he considered his teammates.

When all he could do was immerse himself in this life, only ever putting his heart and soul in a place that sometimes didn’t even want him in the first place, where loneliness has only ever greeted him in his ashen world, and what could only be considered a life he wouldn’t have any other way—it has been a dull ache, like a chronic pain that popped up when he least expected it to, until you came out of nowhere.

A vigilante of sorts that had no real place to settle in, and the one place you decided to pass through was here, was not only a surprise but a blessing in disguise, because he didn’t know what he needed to keep him afloat until you came with a wicked grin curved on your lips and a challenge burning behind your irises.

His recent stagnation had been a bore, a means of improvement that he wasn’t quite sure how to navigate through, because what could he do when life was becoming monotonous and simple again? How could he even think to become a better protector of that godforsaken city and even the other ones that craved assistance from the constant heinous acts enacted against them for mere shits and giggles? It seemed so easy to see that world as black and white, to only really see bad as bad and good as good, but painting pictures takes more than two colors and the grey areas that have sprouted in places between the opposite ends of his former spectrum were shaken up by your presence and your ideologies that made more sense than he’d ever like to admit aloud, especially to you.

Except beyond his losses against your ethical debates, the sorts that often left him in a loss of words and you with a particularly triumphant smile that never ceased to make his heart feel all warm all other, he has found a new outlook on the life he has lived and the life he wants to live when he’s fighting crime and making the world better. He sees how much work needs to be done and how much work he can do while he’s still able, and it frustrates him on incrementing levels to be so limited to this one body and to miss opportunities to save that one while saving the whole lot of others.

He doesn’t do anything for glory or the fame. Hell, no one even knows his real name. But going by Robin is much simpler than being Park Jimin, and living in the world where there’s a name to the face that represents wholesome goodness and fights for the greater good. Being this nameless and chasing humanity is hard, because he doesn’t know what will happen. He’s only a human man, with so many abilities until he falls short in areas that his Powered friends aren’t or older peers knows. He knows he can’t control his fate or the stunted parts to his physical body, and it scares him just how much he’ll miss and the fuck-ups that will come if he misses that one person. It keeps him up  That’s why he’s here.

Even in the freezing cold, he relishes it in the same way you do, because it acts as a sort of reminder that should seem painfully obvious but has become both of your own small shouts into the endless void of your minds when nights get particularly harder to deal with. They’re not quite as rare as he wishes, but they give him a sense of sanity when you’re right there in the same position.

A part of him knows how easily you’ll slip past his fingertips, like the sand you’ve always compared yourself to, you’re the granules moving with the wind when it the circumstances call for it. And you running is all you’ve ever known, how you keep your sanity, and what you do when something—whatever it is—comes to chase you away. A part of him wonders how long that might keep up when it feels like you’re constantly looking over your shoulder and it frustrates him not knowing because, well, truthfully, he cares a fuckin’ lot more than he would like to admit. But he knows better than to push you to open up. If you want to tell him something, then you will.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Your voice sounds far away, but he knows that this is one you keep hidden away from the others. He’s the only one you’ve found comfortability in, and the distress and the previous stresses of the day have seemed to wash away since your last departure during training. He doesn’t really remember what Hoseok said to you, but you left before he could ask and it makes him wonder what passed between the two of you.

Moving your gaze straight ahead, he does the same as he asks, “When have I ever been able to?”

Instead of giving you a chance to beckon him, Jimin plops down beside you. His left leg barely touches yours though you seem immediately struck with the immense warmth of his mere body temperature from the way you subtly melt into him. This happens often even without a second thought, and he catches himself noticing it like right now, feeling that sense of solace washing over him as you both sit there, overlooking the city from the still bridge.

“What’s your excuse?” he glances over at you, raising a brow.

A faint curve on the corners of your lips becomes prevalent, “Touché.”

The city is quiet tonight. No cry for help or flashing sirens to interrupt this moment. That’s the allure of 3 AM. Even when people could be doing something they shouldn’t, they’re choosing to sleep and find peace in themselves. He likes the nightlife and the cityscape. He likes watching as a few of the cars pass to and fro from destination to destination for reasons he’ll never really know, letting himself just bask in what is and not worry of what will be, and most of all, he likes being here with you.

His voice is soft, almost so inaudible he’s certain you didn’t hear him say, “Are you okay?”

The stirring of your leg against his and the pressure of your bicep against his tells him otherwise. And the smile he can hear in your voice makes his heart flip around in somersaults, “Yeah, I—well—I have something to tell you.”

He tries to meet your eyes, looking down and over at you but you keep your head in place and your eyes focused on the fleeting lights.

“What is it?”

You let out an exhale, making his heart halt their ministrations and clench because he has no clue what to expect with you. Even in all your time together, you’re still an enigma. If he blinks, you might actually disappear before his eyes and that frightens him for reasons that keep pushing themselves to the forefronts of his mind. But he has no more time to fret when you take another deep breath and sit up straighter, giving him a perfect vantage point to see your visage—

”I’m staying here, longer I mean.”

He blinks hard and his response sounds more like a choke, “O-oh?”

The moon’s beams reflect against your eyes, washing your eyes in a glorious illumination. Despite not meeting his eyes, he can see the way you mean every word you’re saying, and it makes his heart start back up again.

“I like it here,” you admit, nodding slowly. “It’s grown on me. The scenery, the people, the team…”

The way you say ‘team’ makes him think you might actually mean him. In fact, it has to be considering he’s been the only one you’ve actively interacted with without getting mad or stomping away from. You’re really no team player, but he wants to hope that you might actually considering joining the team like he offered you so many months ago.

He still doesn’t say anything, though. He can tell you still have more to say.

“I mean I don’t think I can really join the team since I’ve made that pretty clear. But I do want to stay.” There a light wash of amusement in your tone, making him nod despite how full his heart feels, “You tell me I taught you a lot about what it means to be a hero, and I know I can’t be that being what I am but what I do know is that I’m ready to try out sticking around for once. Maybe see that hope you’ve always talked about too.”

“It’ll take a while,” he tells you, finally meeting your eyes. “And if you really want to join, then the spot is still yours.” 

“Believe me,” you relinquish a short, breathy laugh. “I wouldn’t be joining for the team-building skills, Bird Boy. Give it to someone who deserves it.”

Of course, he has to protest, “Bu—”  

Rolling your eyes at him, you warn, “Don’t be like Hoseok. He tried earlier, again, so stop sending him because I actually feel a little bad for turning him down.”

It’s like a routine.

But he should’ve known better to expect something less than normal from you, because the question you read in his eyes is simply answered: “I won’t tell you why I always run, Jimin, but I will one day.”

“I’m allowed to hold that to you right?” he finally says, the corner of his lip quirking upward.

“Of course,” you lean your head against him again. This time your hand brushes against his and you don’t pull away like you usually do. Instead they lay on the cool steel, with your fingertips entwined in his.

Neither of you say anything after that with a newfound atmosphere washing over the sleepless city. With possibilities you’ll both worry about later and the present moment now seared deep into your memories, the low hum of cars and the synchronized beating of your hearts all seems to be enough for right now.

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 93 Thoughts

So.

So, so, so.

Ahem.

Some will win Some will lose Some were born to sing the blues

Oh, the movie never ends It goes on and on, and on, and on

Isayama has always had a way of indulging monstrosities. When it comes to people being terrible, he’s pretty negligent with restraint. During the coup arc, he makes the similarities between the chaotic hunger of titans and humans so blatantly clear that it’s easy to feel like you’re being bashed over the head with a hammer. When he wants to make a point, he makes a point.

Since Marley’s been part of the show, it’s existed almost entirely as a How To guide on how not to be a person. Their entire military force is based in bigotry of one sort or another, their entire reason for attacking Paradis is feeling entitled to their resources, and most everything we’ve seen of how Eldians are treated in general makes the thought of a meteor eliminating the whole nation a lot less sad than that usually might be.

In this chapter, the scale is dialed back, and we’re given a chance to see the Marleyans as more than caricatures of evil.

We see humans who are worried about what their decreased military power means for their nation. We see them discussing their options in quiet offices and rooftops.

In its own way, that’s as disturbing as everything else Marley has done. They are still the people who view Eldian lives as exploitable trash. They still have no issues throwing people out of planes to be their mindless, helpless weapons. The morality of attacking a nation that has done absolutely nothing to provoke them never enters into play.

Every appalling act of inhumanity performed by their country has been backed by human beings. They aren’t actively setting out to be as evil as possible; they just take in their options, and when the only thing standing in their way is moral decency, decline to let that be a factor.

After Reiner and Bertolt break down Wall Maria, thousands of people are killed. What’s easy to forget so many years later is that thousands of those people die because their government decides that it’s easier for everyone if they write off their lives.

Marley has gotten away with adopting that decision as a lifestyle. Largely because they don’t have to deal with the pesky consideration that Eldians are people.

Essentially, minus the flagrant bigotry, they’re everything that Paradis escapes becoming. On Paradis, after a hundred years of being cowed into complacence and letting some of their worst human vices take over, people start to wake up. They’re given a glimpse of hope, and a future, and enough people are willing to believe in that to change the cruelty that’s been smothering them.

The Marleyan Eldians, the only people who have serious personal stakes in maybe not doing things this way anymore, don’t have much hope. The greatest option for a better life is training as hard as possible to be selected to die in thirteen years.

That’s a cycle that’s been going on for a hundred years. It hasn’t broken. The system’s just found a way to make Eldians compliant in their tragedy.

I don’t know how the chapter title works out in Japanese, or what references Isayama may or may not include, but in English, the title, “Midnight Train,” makes it hard to think of anything but Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’.

There’s a literal train a the end of the chapter, of course, and. it is arguably around midnight at the time it’s running, but that’s less fun.

I could probably go to more effort weaving in and out of how the two can relate, but for the purposes of this second, I’m just going to quote fast and get out.

Payin' anything to roll the dice Just one more time

On its own, those lines easily call to both the Warriors and the Survey Corps. Countless Scouts have given up their lives for the barest hint of a chance that something might go right someday.

Warriors see how they’re treated by their country constantly, and know that this didn’t start yesterday, and they each still approach it with the thought that they’ll be the ones to make everything okay for their people.

Some will win, and some will lose.

For Marleyan Eldians, Marley is the house, and they’re handing the players loaded dice.

Some were clearly born to sing the blues.

Anyway, that’s a lot of nothing saying that I appreciate the less blatant evil going on in this chapter. It makes the worst of it all hit harder. Things aren’t always train tracks and mustache-twirling. These are real human beings, choosing to enact real horrors.

Though. All the same.

There is no part of this sentiment that is not fucked up, and I’d really like to stop reading about Marley now.

What else, what else...

Well, confirmation that no one on Marley’s side knows about Zeke’s royal blood; except for maybe Zeke. We also get explicit verbage about Shifters inheriting their predecessors’ memories.

Along with the implication that Zeke went around stabbing every single person in Connie’s village with needles full of his spinal fluid.

...I. Do not know which implication is worse, there. Does... Zeke keep a stock of his spinal fluid? I mean, Marley would be more likely in that case, but that’s pretty thoroughly worse.

Getting spinal fluid out is considered pretty painful, to my knowledge. ...Does he stab himself when he’s all alone on random islands?

...Was there ever a reason given besides, “for funsies,” that he transformed Connie’s village anyway?

I think I’m just not going to think about that one too hard unless the manga starts shining a giant spotlight on it. Not caring is usually a pretty good ally in lore things.

In other news, Reiner continues to be a horrible person, adding threatening small children to his list of faults. At least he only scares the one who doesn’t like him much half to death.

It continues to amaze me that you can develop a character who is unfailingly loyal to the point that it psychologically breaks him to be a traitor, and still make him such an asshole. When he isn’t jumping in front of things for people, he’s making them feel like crap.

Unless your name’s Connie.

Then he’ll just loudly suggest that you’re a moron for hearing weird things around your mother’s titanized body.

...

Reiner should not be allowed to people.

He also has a weird obsession with turning boys into white knights.

Krista?

I shall save you, girl whose name I have yet to get right!

Bertolt has a thing for Annie?

You must rescue her as is becoming of the princely way!

Falco has a thing for Gabi?

You shall save her, valiant young steed!

He gives this poor kid a traumatizing lecture on the honor Warriors are bestowed with, and then drags him into a grueling grind of training to surpass Gabi so that he’ll be chosen (things to be included: comfort with standing in front of enemy lines in your underwear with not but a bunch of bombs for company), and then terms it as saving the damsel in distress from the horror that is being a Marley Warrior.

Reiner doesn’t just want to be a fairy tale knight.

He wants everyone around him to be one too.

If Galliard didn’t hate him, he’d be spending all of his time telling him to protect the fair maiden Pieck.

That’s Reiner’s real character arc: He’s just this poor guy trying to get an RP group going. No one ever plays the scene out right, so he’s condemned to misery for the rest of his lonely two years.

Alternatively, he has no clue how to deal with his own emotions, so he’s constantly shoving them off on other people who are just barely well-adjusted enough to maybe get something done.

“I’m a lost cause so I’m going to yell at children” is a staple of the genre.

I don’t know if Reiner’s still doing his Soldier/Warrior split (I’m guessing not, since he’s so definitively in Warrior territory, and has been for several years now), but his psychological health has somehow succeeded in getting worse.

Maybe try killing less people.

So far, I like Pieck and Galliard. Pieck obviously garners immediate sympathy because the Cartman train apparently isn’t allowed to stop during a war, and having Galliard obviously care for her is cool. These two haven’t betrayed anyone yet, or been spotted attacking people they aren’t actively at war with, so it’s easier to see them as people.

Galliard’s dislike of Reiner is just a bonus.

It’s also kind of sad. “Kind of” meaning very. No one but Reiner understands the weight of everything that happens on Paradis, but Galliard is the one whose squad left him behind. Reiner, Bertolt, Annie, and his brother are all chosen ahead of him, and he has to watch them head off to save their people while he just stays put.

Then the only person who comes back is the one whose spot he was in direct competition for. His brother and the friends he could like are gone, and Reiner has the audacity to stay standing.

Unfortunately, I think that brings us to the only reason any of you are probably reading this post.

Jaws is the Dancing Titan.

Galliard is the successor of Ymir’s power, by proof of his abilities and new memories.

That would indicate that Ymir is dead.

Every single thing we know about canon says that Ymir is dead.

Deceased. Nommed. Gone.

We have flashback panels to before she’s eaten. Galliard remembers her by name. He has memories of Reiner’s time as a soldier.

Short of a body, which, um. Let’s just say would not be around, given the circumstances, that is pretty damn conclusive.

So.

I have a problem.

My problem is a pretty simple one.

This is really fucking stupid.

And I really, really, really wish that in a capslock rage kind of way, because I feel like I would have an easier time defending that. Sadly, I don’t mean it in that way.

What I mean is that the story has failed so spectacularly to establish logic in this chain of events that I’m not convinced that this is the end.

Which means that I’m probably going to continue getting asks about why I think Ymir’s alive (though that isn’t... precisely true).

Despite being handed a chapter that pretty much shouts, “SHE’S DEAD,” as loudly as possible.

Yeah.

Assuming that there’s at least one person who’s interested in why in between laughing at me or unfollowing in disgust or any number of other things that make me think that being in mourning would actually be easier, I guess I’ll keep typing and try to explain why.

Ymir’s fate has happened to come up a number of times here, but I think the best explanation for my belief in her continued longevity is the one I went with most recently.

I’m no stranger to looking askance at Isayama’s writing choices. However, one thing he has always stayed true to, with a consistency that any writer would find admirable, is the characters. You see signs of who all of these people are far before the traits become relevant. He has a talent for breathing life into his creations, and however long they live for, they are distinct individuals without any notes to them that ring untrue.

With the facts currently at hand, for the first time, we have a jarring development that feels more like an instrument of the plot than something that a character would actually do.

Galliard and Reiner both say that Ymir volunteers to die.

Putting aside the fact that Reiner is a complete jackass for letting Ymir do that for him and Bertolt (what the hell is wrong with you that you present the woman who saved your life to be eaten alive), I do not know how to begin with this.

Because I know that this is one of those positions that means I basically can’t ever have a civil conversation with anyone again in this fandom, I’m going to try to be as direct as possible about my reasoning.

The issues start with... wow, I really don’t like doing this.

At the simplest level, nothing we have seen of Ymir since her time on the wall with Reiner and Bertolt suggests that this is a decision she’s happy about. She looks like death (ha) in this chapter, and she doesn’t look much happier writing out her love letter.

This isn’t the scared-but-willing face she puts on during Utgard or the kidnapping arc. It isn’t the smile when she talks about being a goddess. It’s desolation.

There are parts to the end of volume twelve that could point to this as a legit ending. I think one of the things I brought up in regards to Bertolt’s death was that the second his development landed on the idea that everything is inevitable, his death joined the list, because this is a series where if you don’t fight, you most assuredly do not win.

If you wanted to go there, making the case that Isayama can be lax with the amount of evidence his character decisions have, but they are always available, then Ymir’s line, “I’m tired out. I’ve just had enough. ...I’m done,” is perfectly prophetic, the end.

My problem with that is it happens post-Utgard and kidnapping arc. I don’t think any other set of chapters is as committed to sleep deprivation as those ones, and basically all of the decisions Ymir makes during the kidnapping arc are shortsighted and corrected by someone having half a second to think about them.

I’m using “problem” like it’s singular a lot. I do that. It’s annoying, and I’m going to continue doing it.

The more pressing issue here is that if this is how Ymir’s story ends, she has absolutely zero value as an individual.

She lives and dies only for other people.

She does it in her first life, then again in her second.

She has an active desire to avoid that.

Oh well.

I don’t think I know how to put into words how thoroughly this end would turn Ymir into a satellite character.

Every life lesson she ever learns for herself has zero effect on her life. As far as character development goes, if this is how things play out, she doesn’t really have any. She begins her life living only for the happiness of others, and ends her life dying only for the happiness of others.

In a lot of stories, that wouldn’t be such a problem. There is definite tragedy in someone’s own nature betraying their desires. That’s practically what tragedy is.

But with Ymir--first off, as mentioned in the above link, we’ve already done this at Utgard. This is exactly the problem she faces at Utgard, finding that she has too much love in her heart to save her own skin at all costs. Saving Reiner and Bertolt is a dull repetition of that revelation already.

And that’s before saving them involves moving forward to be eaten alive.

This is actually painful: She has a life on Marley, dies because she’s a tryhard. She has a life on Paradis, then Utgard happens and oh no, she cares about people. Then kidnapping happens, and oh no, she still cares about Historia. THEN THE CONCLUSION OF THE KIDNAPPING HAPPENS, AND OH NO, SHE CARES ABOUT REINER AND BERTOLT.

Following all of that: OH NO, DESPITE WONDERING WHY THE HELL THIS IS A DECISION SHE’S MADE, YEP, STILL GONNA DIE FOR THEM!

(you know, those people she threatened with death an hour ago for a chance to see Historia one more time)

You can make the argument that she’s consistent, but there’s a huge difference in automatically shielding people from immediate danger, and walking up to the gallows and tying the knot yourself. For that final save, that’s what the story is asking us to believe happened.

Additionally, all of the above only benefits other people. If this is the end, Ymir’s basic function in the story is being Historia’s love interest and keeping plot-essential characters breathing. On her own, she has a personality, but you might as well stamp tool to her forehead and be done with it.

Seriously, playing along with exactly what the text says, with dead Ymir: Remove Historia from the story and then examine how much worth Ymir’s story has to any of this. If she’s dead, she’s more plot device than person, which Isayama has always been good about avoiding.

...Okay, I don’t think I can say that without someone at least thinking of Floch, to which I say that if Ymir and Floch are at all comparable in value, you know something’s gone sideways.

There is no solid logic for Ymir to hand herself over to Marley. By dying, she spares Bertolt for what, two months? Reiner would have died as well if not for being Reiner. She also gives Marley a shiny new toy, with no guarantees on this new person caring at all about Historia.

Oh yeah, and she’d be dead.

She kind of spends several pages during 47 having a meltdown over imminent death.

And in that case, she’s facing it for Historia.

That girl she loves or something.

Who she’s still willing to put at risk just to see her one more time because she’s a selfish teenager who has things to live for.

But, you know, things happen. Characters aren’t always as important as you think they are, that’s the way it goes, and so on and so forth.

Except it does matter that Ymir’s arc is concluding this way. With no other character besides Historia (who has an extensive arc dealing with the emotional threat this represents) could you have an ending that flies so directly in the face of everything they stand for. And for crying out loud, Historia’s arc is pretty much learning to use everything Ymir teaches her.

You can’t have Ymir fail her own beliefs this badly without any elaboration.

Like.

You’re going to kill yourself, the ultimate act of submission. Is that how much you want to please the people who treated you like a nuisance?! Why are you trying to hurt yourself?! If your will is that strong… then shouldn’t you be able to change your fate?!

We get a whole character arc that starts with Ymir deriding her for abusing her suicidal desires. Willingly walking into death without fighting like hell to stay alive is not something Ymir does.

If this is really the end, it’s appallingly disrespectful to everything Ymir is as a character, using her only to keep the key players alive and sane--and maybe as a reason for a queen of some island to have a serious grudge.

None of which involves treating Ymir as a person who matters as an individual.

And that’s the crux of the thing for me.

Which is sad, since I don’t really want more people telling me how very wrong about life, the universe, and everything I am.

Here it is, though:

Despite all evidence pointing to Ymir’s death, and despite everything we know about canon only supporting that she must be dead, Isayama has such a long track record of respecting his characters that I do not believe that this is her end.

There is no grounding in canon for thinking that Ymir is alive (I’m not even sure she is alive in the traditional way, if there’s more to this). There is only suspicion built on the author’s history. That isn’t much. By the standards I prefer, it’s absolutely nothing.

Shifters aren’t great about remembering that first nom, and we know nothing about the ninth titan yet, but there’s also no reason to believe either of those things might be relevant.

I don’t like being the person who looks at mountains of evidence and shrugs it off. I really don’t like it when character deaths are involved. I hate it, actually, but I’m guessing that until the manga ends, even when the inevitable volume release finally has an X through Ymir’s picture, I’ll be holding out for something amazing happening with her.

Because I’m a moron.

Well.

And it enables me to end the post in this fashion.

DON’T STOP BELIEVING

HOLD ON TO THAT FEEEEEEEELING

[sparrowthestrange]

So It Begins: Part 2

((Warning: Graphic childbirth, twins, dark themes, if you read the first one I shouldn't have to warn you twice. As always, comments/ suggestions always welcome and sorry it took me so long to write this one.)) I would have almost thought everything that happened before had been some sort of horrible dream, had it not been for the fact I awoke in a cell. I was back to normal now my body seemed to have recovered completely other than the fact that I was a bit sore. I certainly did not look as if I had just had a child. I tried to get to my feet but quickly found that I was unable to do so. I was chained to a wall they pulled tight causing me to fall back down again. The room was dark the floor under me was hard and cold probably made of stone. The door opened and light filled the room the man entered and bent down in front of me “You did very well before, but your job is not done yet.” My entire body froze at his words what was he talking about? What did he mean I wasn’t done?

   “You have given us one demon, but in order to fulfill the prophecy you must repeat the process six times. Of course, that does not mean you will only have six children each time will grow increasingly harder, should you survive our lord will honor you beyond your wildest dreams. However,” The man reached up lowering his hood his eyes were dark green his hair black had we not been meeting under these circumstances I might have thought he was cute. His left hand reached up tracing my belly. “You really shouldn’t need a reward to persuade you, carrying a demon child is reward enough I think.”

   “I don’t want to be part of this!” I snapped to my senses processing his words as his hands began to glow I felt energy entering my body taking over and when he pulled away I watched my belly start to swell. “No I can’t, don’t make me do this again!” I tried to get up again only to fall back down. My belly swelled and within the hour I could feel movement from the things inside me. There was more than one, kicking and squirming It grew until I looked like I was overdue by a whole month. By this time I could only manage to groan and attempt to shift into a comfortable position. My body ached it hadn’t had  time to adjust to the huge babies inside me. It was hard to tell if they were bigger than the last one I delivered or if it just felt that way because there were two of them.  

   I looked around the room to find I was alone, the man had left me here. I ran a hand over my belly trying to calm the constantly squirming children. This wasn’t right something was very wrong here. The things inside me couldn’t really be demons, could they? Even as I asked myself that I already knew that answer. Of course they were, how else would they grow so fast. I felt my first contraction a few minutes latter, and the next one a few minutes after that. They were strong right away but there was still time between them. The pains did not slam into me right away as they had with the last child. I was scared, and yet there was a part of me that almost enjoyed this feeling. Not the labor but the babies moving around within me it was almost calming watching the ripples of movement across my belly.

   A strong pain took hold, it wrapped itself around my belly making the muscles visibly contract. I groaned loudly and spread my legs when I felt this there was a feeling of something shifting into place and suddenly I felt a lot of pressure. It was the same pressure I had last time before my water had broken. The contraction began to hit full force and suddenly they were right after each other and I could do nothing but try to breath, with every pain the pressure grew worse. The door opened and the man stepped back in I was in the middle of a hard pain my legs spread wide trying to take away some of the agony. He only smirked at me grabbing the chains he pulled them tight so I could no longer reach my belly and then he crossed the cell, took my legs and bound them together like he had with the first baby. “You really do work quickly don’t you, but we aren't ready for you just yet my dear, no pushing.” He commanded. It wouldn’t have made a difference now with my legs chained like this. “AHHHHHHHH!” I screamed and cried as contraction after contraction rolled threw me and still I couldn’t push.

   My body struggled to stretch enough to allow the baby out, every contraction forced it just a bit lower but there was nothing I could do except rock my hips and try to deal with the pain. It was intense and the pressure only grew worse. The man checked his watch every so often but other then that simply watched me. “P-please, get it out.” I moaned leaning back against the wall. I was powerless, I couldn’t even change positions to help things along. The next pain hit hard I felt the muscles tighten and I tried to lean forward as if that might help somehow, my hips ached the pressure was so intense I thought I might actually explode and then suddenly the ground under me was soaked in water. The next contraction came just moments later and I found myself crying out in agony. With nothing to stop it now the first baby dropped lower. I tried to spread my legs but the man only chuckled as he watched me struggle.

  “AHHHHH PLEASE, HELP ME!” I screamed unable to deal with the pain of my body adjusting to the huge child. “Yes, alright, fine, sense you asked so nicely.” He came over and undid the chains on both my feet and arms before yanking me to my feet. Instinctively my legs moved wide apart allowing the baby to drop. I groaned as gravity began to pull it down.  I felt like it was so low if I just pushed it would fall right out of me, of course that wasn’t the case, I bent down in a squat prepared to start pushing she the man yanked me to my feet again. “Oh no you don’t not yet.” I groaned loudly gripping my belly as he forced me to walk.

   Soon we left the cell and I was taken to a large open room, on the floor there was a symbol. I was about to question it when pain gripped me and I bent down into a squat again. He yanked me to my feet and forced me forward even as the contraction gripped me hard. “HAVE TO PUSH!” I cried out “Oh fuck I have to push!” The man smirked. “Then push, go on.” I dropped to my knees in the center of the symbol and spread my legs as wide apart as I could get them gravity helped pull the huge child inside me down and I began pushing. I could feel every inch of it as it moved and twisted inside me getting closer and closer to being born. “Come on push!” The man commanded and I shot him a glare, I was pushing, this was the best I could manage given the size of the child.

   After an hour I began to feel the burning pain as the baby’s head stretched me. The man smirked. I rocked my hips trying desperately to deal with the pain. He knelt down next to me watching as I pushed and the head moved out abit only to move back in a few moments later when the contraction ended. “Looks like you need a bit of help.” I was sure I didn’t need help if he was the one offering it but he touched a hand to the symbol on the ground and it began to glow. I felt energy surge through me and then when the next contraction hit, it slammed into me so hard I almost forgot to push. It felt like my organs were being compressed and forced out of me. “AHHHHHHHH, FUCK!” The head had come to a full crown after the massive contraction. The burning was intense. It stretched me so wide I didn’t know what to do, I was sure I was going to tear. “You might want to breath thru the next one, give yourself some time to stretch, so you don’t tear.” He wasn’t going to help me and the next contraction didn’t hurt any less than the one before it I struggled it draw in air gasping and groaning threw it ignoring my body’s instinct to push. The contraction did the work for me and ever so slowly I felt it progress until it suddenly the head came out of me with a pop. The contraction ended and I leaned back. The second baby was starting to grow impatient I could feel its movement kicking and squirming. Even before I had birthed it’s sibling’s shoulders it began to drop down. I screamed, partly in pain and partly in frustration as I realized I would not be getting a break.

   My whole body was shaking as I pushed again forcing one shoulder out and then the other, just a few moments later the man smirked and yanked the child from me. There was no time to rest, there was barely time to draw in breath I could feel the twin dropping, no smaller than it’s sibling. I tossed my head back and continued to push screaming in agony my body wasn’t meant to handle this much.In just a few minutes I felt the burn return the head was pushing thru but I was getting tired and when little progress was made he reached forward and pressed down on my belly. Helping to force the child downward. “AHHHH GET OFF!” I cried out as I felt the burning grow worse, it was working but that didn’t make it hurt less and it didn’t make him stop. “PLEASE OH SHIT AHHHH!”

   “PUSH!” The man yelled and I did the head was bigger than the last baby, it was only by some miracle that I didn’t tear There was little to no break between contractions anymore, my tired body seemed to want to force this thing out of me right now. The shoulders were stuck, Despite my pushing he had to pull on the child and when that didn’t work the man grabbed me under my arms and dragged me  out of my kneeling position. I cried out in agony. As he forced me to move around I pushed and pushed until finally with a loud cry both shoulder came out of me. I fell to the ground breathing hard as he caught the child in his hands. My whole body ached my heart was racing, I tried to get up, maybe if I could just get away.I could hear the faint sound of the twins crying but it was to late there was nothing I could do I was to weak to escape and I knew, in a few hours, perhaps a day or so I would wake up back in the cell.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Let me explain in copious detail why the OP’s statements are complete BS.

   This boils down a lot to a fundamentally flawed understanding of what Spider-Man’s goals are as well as not taking into account the restrictions placed upon the character by virtue of genre and dramatic necessities.

  The OP codifies that Spider-Man’s goals is to combat crime and irresponsibility but has flanderized the former to make Spider-Man out to be like Batman levels of trying to deter crime when...that isn’t the case.

  A lot of people use Batman as a comparison for this but it just doesn’t hold up. For starters crime in Gotham city is NOT the way it is in Marvel New York city. Gotham when Batman’s career began was CORRUPT to it’s core and infected with street crime. The citizens of Gotham were in effect prisoners in their own home unless they were members of the elite. The poorer, or even middle class citizens, categorically lived in fairly frequent fear of crime, whether it posed a threat to their property and livelihoods or their lives. The death of the Waynes made this point hardcore because they were the elite of the elite and the smallest of criminals took their lives.

   The point was no one was safe and worse the system was broken.

   Batman arose and used the methods he used to combat crime under these extenuating circumstances.

   And he succeeded to a point. He has yet to eradicate corruption in the police department or the system as a whole, and street crime still exists in Gotham. This is to say nothing of the rise of super criminals after Batman appeared who were a thousand times worse than the regular street punks

   He did majorly alleviate the problem though.

   Marvel New York City and DC’s Metropolis were NOTHING like that and so never necessitated Batman’s methods of fear and intimidation to build a legend and frighten criminals.

   Metroplis in most incarnations is NEVER depicted as particularly crime ridden. At worst it’s in the behind the scenes grips of Luthor. Superman has off and on removed Luthor’s influence over Metroplis but never permanently. And he has never put a halt to all street crime (hence Intergang is a thing), despite every criminal knowing he could apprehend them even if he is literally another country away.

  Spider-Man in contrast lives in Marvel NYC. Crime and corruption exist but it’s not like one big bad dude controls 2/3 of the workforce whether they know it or not or where crime and corruption have such a choke hold on the city no one is safe.

   I should also point out Spider-Man neither possesses powers on Superman’s scale nor the resources of Batman. Batman could never have achieved what he achieved without a shitton of technology at his disposal, even if he had Spider-Man’s powers. His vehicles allowed him quick access around the city. His corporation could provide all the tech he needed and money was never an issue. If he needed medical attention or a loved one needed it hey no problem. These resources also allowed him to better conceal his identity and gather vast intelligence for his activities.

   Now compare and contrast that to Spider-Man who whether as an adult or a teenager basically had to earn a living to support himself and his family (including a mother with expensive health problems) and be a superhero in addition to that. He also had obligations to family and friends which took up his time. Batman has had these too but never to the same degree. Most of his close abiding relationships exist with people within his inner circle and who’re involved in crime fighting themselves. And Peter obviously doesn’t have supersonic speed to get where he needs to be whenever he wants more or less.

   He’s the working class superhero who can’t afford to dedicate himself solely to superheroing but also hasn’t got powers and resources that prevent superheroing from having a detriment upon his normal life.

   But lets get back to goals.

   Spider-Man’s goal has never been to eradicate all crime. I don’t think Batman’s is either and if it is that’s stupid and impossible without becoming a monster himself. Spider-Man does NOT seek to eradicate all crime.

  He’s your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man.

  It’s not just a catchphrase, its a descriptor of who he is. He’s the little guy superhero who helps out the little guy. His focus is smaller scale. He goes on patrol and stops crimes as he sees them, pursues leads on crimes he gets a whiff of or otherwise intervenes as he comes across crimes by chance.

  Which to begin with isn’t that dissimilar to ACTUAL methods of policing except he can’t do much as far as intelligence gathering is concerned because

  a)    He is one man and

b)    He lacks resources to do that and

c)    He does have other obligations

   Spider-Man’s mantra stemming from his origin story is simply this:

   If you have the power to help it is your duty to help.

   He DIDN’T help when he saw a crime in progress and it resulted in something tragic. He does his best to not repeat that mistake.

  However on a broader level his story is about living up to his responsibilities but those extend BEYOND crime fighting. His family’s welfare, his friendships, his education, his own well being, these are all his responsibilities as they are all of OUR responsibilities.

  Does he always succeed at them? No. Because few of us succeed at them all the time. frequently we have to juggle and things can and do go wrong just as they can and do go right. Example: my father is constantly stressed because the type of man who does things for everybody and to an exent he’s let his health suffer for it. At the same time things with his work can take abrupt unexpected turns which have knock on effects on other parts of his life (and by extension my own). Often times he is constantly stressed due to living up to all these burdens. Now not EVERYONE is like this, but a lot of people are.

  This is who Spider-Man is. It’s really unrealistic and cheap to say “Well if he only did this then it would fix everything and him not doing it shows he’s bad at his job and stupid!”

   Returning to what I said was his ACTUAL goals, like I said Spider-Man doesn’t WANT to remove all crime in NYC. Not only is that impossible, not only are there OTHER heroes working on that at the same time as him, but his goals is simply to help where he can.

  And...it works!

  In Sacasa’s Senssational Spider-Man run we see a beach full of people who represent a tiny number of people who’s lives Peter has saved. In ASM #500 Peter decides NOT to change history by preventing the spider from biting him because he knows how many people could be hurt because he wasn’t there to save them. Doctor Strange, Sorcerer Surpeme that he is stated in the same issue that the greatest gift anyone can give another human being is the chance to make a difference just once and went on to say Spider-Man has no idea how many times HE has made such a difference.

   Want some proof? ASM #3 Spider-Man averts a nuclear disaster. Spec #75 he averts ANOTHER nuclear disaster. PPSM #98 he literally saves the whole planetary population from being wiped out by Norman Osborn.

    Want some more proof? You say Spider-Man does NOTHING to deter crime. Well again...that’s not his goal. He knows crime won’t be deterred by him. Crime isn’t deterred in NYC despite it having the single highest concentration of superheroes of any city in both Marvel AND DC. Crime isn’t deterred by Batman OR Superman’s presence, at least not completely (and is still siginifcant enough to be a real danger). So what’s Spider-Man going to do really? Not to mention that Spider-Man was a kid when he began his career. How was he even going to THINK of deterring crime on a large scale?

   More than this once he got older to comprehend that idea (which again was stupid and pointless anyway) it was too late as his reputation had been established. Sure he COULD’ve switched to a new identity but again that’s dramatic contrainsts at work and we can’t hold that against the character. It’s called Spdier-Man so the protagonist has to be SPIDER-MAN!

    Does Spider-Man intimidate and scare his opponents? Depends. Sometimes he can do that. Michelinie issues of Spider-Man had him bend metal and frighten some thugs into surrender. The black costume was also pretty scary.

   But again...scaring people isn’t Spider-Man’s deal. Jameson already made people hate and fear him and it made his criem fighting career HARDER not easier. It’s also not who he is as a person. He doesn’t operate as a force of fear like Batman (again this is a lot of the bullshit ‘Batman is the best hero ever!’ mentality at play which condemns other heroes who doesn’t operate the same way he does). Many heroes don’t use those tactics and again Peter is a pretty friendly person and nice guy. He doesn’t want to frighten innocent people which is exactly what would happen if he did employ those methods. Given how he also operates in the day in a bright costume intimidation isn’t much of an option the way it is for Batman, who cultivated an urban legend which by nature relies on staying out of the limelight. Spider-Man can’t do that since he needs money to survive and earns it from literally making himself famous through pictures.

    But even taking AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL that into account...Spider-Man DOES deter crime in NYC. In the Spec cartoon Tombstone states that Spider-Man scares criminals off of the streets before they’ve committed any crimes in the first place. And in ASM #50, you know the comic book Spider-Man friggin 2 was based on, it was PROVEN that Spider-Man’s absence saw an increase in crime rates. So Obviously his efforts were reducing crime.

   Now as for his humour? Does it dissuade criminals from villainy? No. Does it make them hate him more? Maybe.

   But to begin with criminals are gonna hate ANYONE who captures them so the latter point isn’t a big deal. As for the second...who the fuck in Batman’s rogue’s gallery was ever deterred from being a super villain by him scaring them? No one I know of? Street punks maybe but none of the major villains.

   But even then...Spidey isn’t the only humourous superhero out there. Silver Age Daredevil cracked jokes at villains too just not to the same extent.

  More importantly Spider-Man isn’t fighting villains for the long term and shouldn’t be either. His goal is to rectify the IMMEDIATE emergency right then and there.

  A mugger is threatening a civilian. So he cracks a joke and gets under their skin causing them to make mistakes which he can then use to resolve the situation more quickly whilst also putting the victim and possibly himself at ease, the latter being a good thing as it allows him to fight better and the former being he good thing because it reduces any trauma the victim might have later on. Meanwhile the punk goes to jail and spends a few years rotting there before MAYBE resuming a career of crime.

  But again...he’s fighting someone with SUPERHUMAN powers. Is he scared? No, but he also knows his chances of capture are VERY significant and his chances of success very low against that person. Meanwhile if he doesn’t run into the unthreatening and humourous Spider-Man again he might run into Daredevil, the FF, Punisher, Moon Knight, Dark hawk, Nightthrasher or any of the other DOZENS of NYC based superheroes and vigilantes he stands absolutely no hope of overcoming.

    Now for the costume, again this is a stupid argument against the character since it’s tied up with superhero conventions. Yeah it’s easy to spot but

 a)    Suspension of disbelief

b)    It’s more entertaining for him to wear a costume like that because it looks cool

c)    Daredevil wore fucking Yellow to begin his career

d)    He then switched to bright (not dark, bright) red which is also easy to spot

e)    Moon Knight walks around in white

f)    Wolverine’s main outfits have been different combinations of bright blue and bright yellow and he literally worked as a spy

   Moving onto his public persona, again...COUNTLESS heroes operate this way. Batman is the exception NOT the rule and even he doesn’t succeed entirely at his goals it is arguable.

   More than this Spider-Man ALREADY had a public persona because he was a goddam wrestler and TV star! He isn’t cultivating anything he’s already been established as what he is.

  The claim that he is daring people to come after him is also a major extrapolation by the OP. No one is saying that is how criminals tthink regarding him due to his outfit. It’s especially bullshit given how the black costume didn’t change that much at all.

    Additionally is daring people to come after him a bad thing in a fight where it distracts them from hurting civilians?

   Now to address the ‘it makes him a target and gives his enemies a common threat to rally around’...again EVERY hero has this. Dude...Batman was MORE of a urban legend and stealthy ninja in the Nolan movies where his costume was solid black and people debated his very existence. But the entire plot of the Dark Knight was that the criminal underworld rallied together and even trusted a mad man to end a threat to their business ventures despite his public appearances and persoinality being more reserved than his comic book counterpart.

   EVERy superhero more or less has a time where their enemies team up to take them down. Friggin SUPERMAN has that and he’s probably more powerful than most of his enemies one on one and is even MORE public than Spider-Man. he has an even flashier costume and is a globally recognized and revered figure. And he also has a Superman Revenge Squad who’re more active against him in many versions than the Sinister Six have ever been against Spider-Man. Hell the second Sinister Six story didn’t even have the Six form against Spidey specifically. In fact they didn’t even do that in their debut. I mean you are saying criminals and villains would unite to take down their common enemy Spider-Man but the actual Spider-Man comics mostly dispprove that. not only has that not happened all that often but it rarely works, either because they are unable tow work harmoniously  because they are bad guys or because Spider-Man is able to beat them.

  In fact Spider-Man’s powerset and abilities make his chances of success BETTER when he fights groups since he’s faster than most of them and can turn their abilities on one another. Frequently Spider-Man has fared worse in one-on-one battles than in group villain battles.

   If we wanna go comics....how many tiems have the Batman rogue’s gallery teamed up against Bruce in various combinations seriously? Like the Trial episode from the animated series doesn’t prove this idea to be bullshit?

    As for his villain don’t have a reason to stop what they are doing...this is illogical.

  Thier reasons for stopping should be that Spider-Man will kick their asses (Spidey once beat Doc Ock so bad he developed an outright phobia of him) or that they will go to jail. And again let me ask which villains, yes even batman’s, actually have ever ceased being bad guys because of their heroe’s intimidating them? Certainly not Joker or Poison Ivy that’s for sure? Luthor or Toyman? Fuck no. Jigsaw? Nope. Kingpin? Hahahahahahaha.

   This is thus a foolish line of reasoning. As is the idea that repeatedly being beaten by Spider-Man makes them stronger in the long run. Like...why? Where is the A>B>C logic of them growing stronger through repeated defeats? Not to mention...it’s literally not true. There is no evidence to suggest Shocker grew stronger as a villain through his battles with Spider-Man. Nor did Kraven or Doc Ock. But Spider-Man with his immense experience and frequent battle experience sure as fuck was growing more powerful whilst they rotted in jail. He’s one of the greatest street level MU fighters.

   Now for the loved ones angle. You know who else the laws of probability are working against? Superman. Batman. The Flash. Daredevil. Police officers. Judges. Politicians. Political activists. Gangsters. People who testify in court. You. Me.

    Spider-Man has a secret identity which protects people and a Spider sense to help maintain that. does this guarantee safety? No. But Spider-Man is far from alone in this regard and has kept his identity safer than most people. His identity provides BETTER protection from criminals with axes to grind than people in real life who put criminals away without the benefit of anonymity.

   Plus again they live in New York. COUNTLESS super villains put the citizens in danger all the time, much as they do on Gotham. But in Peter’s case FREQUENTLY his loved ones have been endangered by things which had nothing to do with him.

   Doctor Octopus lived with Aunt May for reasons independant of him being Spider-Man.

  Jonathan Caesar kidnapped Mary Jane because SHE was famous and he was obsessed with her

  The Hobgoblin targeted Harry Osborn because his Dad was the Green Goblin

  Betty Brant and Ned Leeds’ wedding was interrupted by Mirage because he happened to be pulling a heist there

  Eddie Brock happened to be batshit insane and delusion ally picked Peter as the target of his hatred

 The Scorpion has beef with J. Jonah Jameson because HE created him

   And FYI, Gwen died because PETER made a mistake in the way he saved her. Goblin was still at fault though.

   And just what exactly is the OP trying to say here?

   That if only Peter had adopted a less bright costume and a scarier demeanor *coughbeenmorelikeBatmancough* his loved ones could’ve been spared. Because you know that worked so well for Rachel Dawes in the Dark Knight and Alfred was 100% not at risk from Bane in Knightfall obviously.

   Or is the OP saying Peter just shouldn’t have loved ones? Which you know is OBVIOUSLY the healthy thing to do right?

  Finally explain to me with SPECIFIC examples how precisely ‘the more he does the worse things get’?

   Lets move onto the whole ‘its stupid that he doesn’t kill people and that’s inept’.

   Dude...he’s not LEGALLY sanctioned to kill people. He already bends the law in pursuit of addressing immediate dangers he encounters and sparing dangers posed to other members of law enforcement.

   He’d 100% go to jail if he killed someone. That is not his role in the legal system. He is a glorified special officer. He intervenes in crimes as he sees them and halts the immediate threat. The legal work and legal system is then left to deal with it and it’d be a gross ABUSE of power for him to decide to act as judge jury and executioner. It crosses a line and puts him on a slippery slope to say nothing of the psychological toll that takes on a person. Killing deliberately can be incredibly psychologically damaging and is partially why many police officers and soldiers develop mental issues in life, including PTSD or alcoholism to cope with what they’ve seen and done. For someone with raw physical power the temptation to abuse it is always there but he doesn’t give into it or risk becoming as bad as the bad guys.

  Whatever else he may be no one man should EVER have the power to decide life or death unless in cases of self defence or defence of another.

              So in the grand scheme of things the OP doesn’t know what they are talking about, has taken things out of context, failed to do much research, has defined an illegitimate set of criteria through which the situation (hinging upon using Batman and Punisher as a valid basis for comparison) through and over all taken a needlessly cynical aapproach to the character.

    I mean for God’s sake. Please tell me how Spider-Man is such a massive failure compared to fucking Daredevil? Elektra and Karen Page’s deaths along with other’s and MULTIPLE examples of his identity going public tell an entirely different story. Like seriously when you have to fake your own fucking death because you are that bad at keeping your identity secret (despite having the obvious alibi of being blind) the fuck do you suck more than a guy who’s identity only wnet public when he decided to make it so? Like goddam.

   Some final points to finish up

 ·         Spider-Man isn’t seriously going to wound his opponents? Tell that to Kingpin in Back in Black

    ·         Its not Spider-Man’s fucking job to actually try and REFORM his enemies. Shit Batman to my knowledge rarely if ever does that. Same with Superman and MOST superheroes. It’s not their job the same way MOST cops don’t actively try to reform the criminals they capture. That’s the job of OTHER people in the legal system. Laying the blame for everything on the superheroes’ shoulders is disgustingly cynical and short sighted.

  ·         Spider-Man carries himself with the maturity of a 13 year old? Not in the comic I’ve read which by the way is a shitton. And you exemplify this by posting a picture of Ultimate Spider-Man. I.e. the Spider-Man that is 100% non-canonical to the mainstream version. How well researched of you

 ·         You realize the Fantastic Four render themselves even bigger targets than Spider-Man right? And they have much more powerful enemies. Doctor Doom alone has sent the Baxter Building into space and Frankling Richards to Hell.

 ·         Batman’s enemies gang up together all the time, often to fight him. they mostly know he isn’t super human so they could in theory kill him with a mere gun. And they sure as shit aren’t afraid of him

 ·         Well I actually DO know a fair amount about social psychology. So I know that when you have that many big egos as supervillains with raw physical power have or crime lords they are far from guaranteed to unite harmoniously towards a major cause. Shit, the debut of the Sinister Six saw them unable to fight together to the point where they just decided to fight Spider-Man one on one...and he beat them all...at age 18....

 ·         Spider-Man doesn’t ‘fight irresponsibility’ you know that right?

 ·         You codify that ‘being responsible is deterring those types of villains’. But...it’s not. NOTHING sets in stone that THAT is the responsible thing to do. The responsible thing to do is to just stop crimes when he sees them. Because given how most of his enemies are power hungry, power mad, stupid assholes reform is unlikely. The Sandman is an exception not the rule. Most of his villains have spent their careers in prison where logically they would’ve been exposed to rehab programs which have never worked. Some criminals are lost cuases and since Spider-Man began his career as a kid and lacks any formal training in this field is is idiotic to discredit him or reprimand him for ‘not trying to change their behaviours’. And again BATMAN and Daredevil have categorically failed in this regard too. Penguin has never been reformed nor has Kingpin. Nor Mr Hyde nor Joker. They also haven’t been deterred from lives of crime.

 ·         David Michelinie stated he created Venom specifically because no other Spider-Man villain actually WANTS to tangle with him. Even Doc Ock only rarely conspired plans specifically to get rid of Spider-Man. Mostly Green Goblin and Venom were is. Most other villains would rather just avoid Spider-Man than go after him. most of them were NOT bent on revenge, they just wanted payback if given the opportunity.

 ·         It is continually brought up how intimidating Daredevil and Batman are. And I will thus keep brining up how at times that wasn’t always true and how being intimidating does little to honestly deter crime since it is still around in Gotham and Hell’s Kitchen. I will also keep bringin up how OTHER characters are not intimidating in their looks or personalities but MANY criminals are intimidated by the mere prospect of you know...fighting super powered beings. No one knows Daredevil has powers, and by now most people know Batman doesn’t either. Spider-Man though really does not seem human at all and has been shown to intimidate criminals but just not outright scare them. But again, he isn’t trying to combat ALL crime in NYC. That’s stupid and would never work. He is just trying to help out where he can is all. At the same time we know from ASm #50 that his presence does deter criminals so in theory there are people who avoid crime because of his presence...and you know...every other hero’s in NYC.

    Long story short the premise and arguments laid out by the OP are bullshit and hinge upon worshipping Batman, Daredevil and Punisher and their methodologies despite all of them having major problems on par with or greater than Spider-Man’s.

   Or to put it another way the OP doesn’t know what the Hell he is talking about.