#his resentment towards her has always been extreme but its pushed to its limits when stuck in a box with her

[baptst]

hows bunker ! john doing those seven long years you ask?

[therewrites]

We Are Who We Are Overall Thoughts *spoilers*

This review will be discussing briefly some of the episodes so far, so SPOILERS

So I started watching the HBO original series, We Are Who We Are, and I am conflicted. When I initially watched it, the dialogue made it hard for me to enjoy it so I stopped. Then after a couple of weeks after its airing, I thought, what the hell? And this time, I was pleasantly surprised. I always maintain the belief that pilot episodes are either boring, messy, or just bad so I try to push past it in order to get to the good shit. The pilot for We Are Who We Are was...I’m not sure how to explain...different? It certainly wasn’t bad and it made an impression on me, but this show as a whole is hard to limit by just a few words. It’s really something that you should watch and experience yourself.

It was only after the first 3 episodes that I began to understand the tone and mood that Luca Guadagnino was trying to convey. A lot of the time, the dialogue is abrupt and choppy and can make no sense. It can be frustrating, especially when you have two characters that aren’t communicating effectively. But I think that was the point. Guadagnino is a very realistic director, he captures the most realistic elements in a film. A lot of the conversations between characters is meant to emulate real life. Like, what the hell do you say when a conversation becomes awkward? Well, nothing sometimes.

While Guadagnino’s typical cinematography may suggest whimsy, in WAWWA’s case the small structured and synthetic model of the military base is juxtaposed to the very concrete characters. When I started to view the show less as simply a televised airing of fictional characters and problems, and instead looked at them as people, I began to really enjoy it. 

Take the main character of Fraser, played by Jack Dylan Grazer. Fraser is meant to be seen as an extremely complex and troubled kid, but the difference between him and every other teen in a coming-of-age drama is that he isn’t polished. His drinking and drug habit isn’t framed as romantic or beautiful, in fact most of the time it’s portrayed as his weakness of sorts. In the first episode, Fraser has one of his mothers drive him home after getting pretty wasted and Luca graces us with a direct shot of him throwing up. And before that, Fraser is stumbling on a bridge when he drunkenly falls and cuts his face. Everything the character does is messy, uncoordinated, yet extremely real and relatable. Hell, in one shot you can clearly see him do a Naruto run!

Caitlin/Harper is a character that I enjoyed watching, as well. Jordan Seamon did a fantastic job and I really connected with their character. Initially we see Caitlin as this mysterious girl, and in the pilot we are meant to assume that their relationship with Fraser is supposed to develop into a romantic one. This is not the case as it seems that Caitlin is trying to come to terms with who they are. The biggest shift in Caitlin’s character isn’t their friendship with Fraser but probably when they get their period. 

This was a moment that even I related to, even though I am cis when I first got my period I didn’t tell my mom until the day after. The possible confusion and shift in their reality that Caitlin felt was only heightened with the conflict of their boyfriend wanting to be more physically intimate, and Fraser’s eventual discover of Harper. I would have like to see exactly why Fraser seemed drawn to Caitlin. I’m assuming viewers were supposed to think that Fraser is attracted to her, or something. But both Caitlin/Harper and Fraser are queer coded and their respective sexualities are alluded to not being straight. It would’ve made their standing as platonic friends more clear if this had been established stronger. 

I definitely think the writer could have devoted more time to giving certain characters proper conversations. It would’ve given more development to certain characters and better context for things. However even without that, there is a lot that the audience is showed that can’t be told through dialogue. The power struggle between Sarah and Richard being one. So far, there hasn’t been any explanation as to why they have a such a volatile relationship other than Richard being a homophobe. 

Through deeper inspection, I was able to interpret it as: Richard may heavily resent the fact the Sarah was promoted to Colonel and not him. It is never made clear who has the better credentials, Sarah or Richard, but assuming that she was the one promoted it is a safe guess. This may be highlighted by the fact that Sarah is a women, and also gay. Even before episode 7, it was clear that Richard did not respect her authority. I also interpreted it as Richard being upset that and openly gay women was promoted instead of him, a black man. 

Of course this is just based on my own personal knowledge of how the U.S. military can be towards people of color and LGBTQ+. Regardless, the competitive tension between two parents is palpable without needing dialogue to explain.  

When conflict happens, I can kind of figure out which characters are going to react and which one’s will stay silent. I think the show is trying to accomplish a drastically realistic and raw series. It took me while to adjust to it, but by maybe the 2nd or 3rd episode, it starts to grow on you. Despite not liking a good majority of the characters, I was very surprised by how invested I was in them. 

Like, Danny is my least favorite character because he displays very abusive and explosive tendencies, and doesn’t seem to care about the world around him. However, getting glimpses into his character and seeing how Richard ignores him for Caitlin/Harper, his suicidal thoughts, and how he is trying to reclaim his cultural and religious background makes me empathize with him. 

Even though I hate his character, I can see that he is struggling. I appreciate the way that this show freely shows dark skinned black boys dealing with mental health issues, and personal development. Rarely are issues like suicide talked about in the black community, so seeing Danny talk about it and Craig offering(admittedly poor)comfort was touching. This is a general vibe that I get from nearly all the characters on WAWWA. I also appreciated the how Danny is actively trying to convert to Islam. In shows, rarely is Islam ever portrayed in a positive manner. Especially when female characters are shown to be struggling with their religion, Islam is shown as this barrier that prevents them from living life. Hopefully it goes without saying that the “taking off the hijab” as a way to show that a female character is “liberated” is overplayed and does not offer any respect to the countless Muslim women who choose to wear hijabs. 

Now I think the pacing of some of the storylines could have been handled a bit more gracefully. Like how we jump from Fraser and Harper being kind of enemies(not really but you know what I mean), to just them hanging out in Richard’s boat was jarring. I would have at least liked to see the scene of them talking on the rocks at the beach. It would’ve given more insight on Caitlin/Harper’s character and also on Fraser too. Also how quickly Maggie and Lu(Jennifer but I love the name Lubaba, it’s my aunt’s name)jump into a physical affair. I just would have liked to see a build up of tension between all these characters but I don’t think this entirely ruins the plot. 

I was very iffy when I learned that the show would be focusing on trans identity and gender and sexuality, but not actually hire a trans male actor. I was afraid that the show would completely botch the experiences of being transgender, and honestly I don’t have the authority to speak on whether or not this affects the quality of the show. I am cisgender, and only can empathize with this particular situation as much as I can. But I would like to hear to the opinion of someone who is trans and elaborate on the ways that they did/didn’t like Jordan Kristine Seamón’s portrayal. 

Now at the time I’m writing this, the season finale has yet to come out. But I’d also like to briefly discuss the most recent episode and how it developed Jonathan and Fraser’s relationship. I was VERY worried that Guadagnino was going to take their relationship in the direction of inappropriate. While nearly all the depictions of Jonathan and his actions have been trough Fraser’s pov, it didn’t stop me from side-eyeing some of the interactions they shared. Of course after it was mentioned that Jonathan was supposed to be in his late 20s, nearing 30 I was immediately uncomfortable with the very flirty behavior he exhibited. 

So when the scene of Fraser going up to his apartment after Craig’s death, I was very on edge. If Guadagnino had gone the extra mile to show an even larger age gap then I would’ve been pissed. While I enjoyed Call Me By Your Name, the implication that sexual relationships between barely legal teenagers and adults well into their 20s was sensual is something that I see as very weird now that I’m older. So seeing Jonathan as the object of Fraser’s affections made me extremely warry. 

And honestly, I’m still surprised that the scene even happened in its entirety. I’m sure that Jack was not in any danger of being exploited but there were definitely points while watching I thought, what the fuck is going on? I was very worried that it would escalate, but I was happy to see that Fraser was the one who stopped it from going further.  It made sense to me that this scene took so many liberties to be as graphic as possible without being too graphic, in order to show why a situation like that would be scary and confusing for Fraser. It wasn’t lost to me that Marta and Jonathan were the one’s initiating all the sexual advances. They held all the power in that scenario, even more so because Fraser is younger and has the tendencies to not make the best decisions. Though it seemed that Fraser was trying, he knew that the situation was fucked up.

I’d like to hear what JDG felt and thought doing this scene. What was his character’s thought process?

I’ve seen a lot of people compare the show heavily to CMBYN, which is fine. Besides certain cinematic parallels that people pointed out, I don’t see the clear comparison. CMBYN is more of a love story and it’s more polished than WAWWA. Now when I say tat, I don’t mean it as a negative. Rather, We Are Who We is obviously more devoted to realism and its characters. I appreciate the inclusion of more LGBTQ+ people and black main characters with development, something that CMBYN lacked. And for some people who didn’t like the show based solely on the fact that it wasn’t a CMBYN tv show, I suggest just going into it with no expectations and enjoy the mess. 

And I’d also like to take a moment to commend Jack Dylan Grazer for his job in We Are Who We Are. All of the main cast are amazing actors and actresses and did a really good job bringing their characters to life. Though, I had always associated JDG with supporting roles that, while highlighted his acting talent, only put him in a one-dimensional light. As good as It 2017 was, JDG’s role of Eddie is only meant to be seen as a comic relief. In WAWWA, I was able to forget that he was teen actor, Jack Dylan Grazer, and really see him as Fraser. It’s worth mentioning that in a GQ interview, Grazer also mentioned how this role made him reevaluate is approach to acting. 

And after reading an interview he did with a Interview Germany, with him saying he spent months in Italy reading the script and trying to perfectly craft this character, I was immensely impressed. I hope that he knows that all his hard work payed off and made a really dynamic and interesting character. I really hope that in the future JDG continues with more mature or multi-dimensional roles because he displayed that he has the talent to do so. Him being so young makes me optimistic in knowing that he is definitely going places in his career. I also hope that there will be a season 2 of WAWWA because despite having hour long episodes, the show still felt way too short. There is a lot about Fraser’s character, and all the others’ characters, that I want more information and analysis on.

[bbrandy2002]

Wacky Drabble #17: Liam’s Smut

Part 3

Masterlist

Part One Part Two

“Riley’s” Fic/What Happens In Fydelia

This is part of @emceesynonymroll ’s #wackydrabbles. This weeks prompt is: There is a certain taste to it.

Liam x Riley and Liam x Hana x Maxwell

Word count: Lets just say, the limit doesn’t exist. So Sorry Enna😲 ……2143

A/N: Its been a hella crazy, hectic week and Im Not too thrilled with how this turned out but it is what it is.

Chapter Summary: In an attempt to get Riley to understand how he feels, Liam writes his own smut with shocking results.

**Special Note: @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore did not write any part of this, therefore, this drabble should not reflect on her far superior talent. I had no plans to write this when I wrote the previous drabble or I would have never drug her name into it…but, ya’ll just had to see what Liam wrote 😂 Thanks Bleakmore for being such a good sport!

This is MY attempt to write a story within a story, that includes smut (not my forte), in Bleakmore’s writing style, with a fictional character as a contributor, while also switching back and forth in my own writing style….God have mercy on all of you!!!!

MY READ MORE DID NOT WORK AGAIN...tagged as long post

————————————-

Riley’s eyes flitted at the screen as she scanned the words written before her. It was quite obvious by the content and plot of this story, one person in particular was meant to read it-her, and it had Liam written all over it. If those two things didn’t make it clear enough, the username, @inyourfacerileybrooks-love-liam, was the biggest indicator her husband had bested her.

A sea of crimson rippled across her face and heaving chest as she shifted onto her side, adjusting the laptop to lay on the bed next to her, full of resentment and outrage. If she was being honest with herself, she felt more guilt than anything.

If he wanted to “out smut” her, she’d be damned not to see what she was up against. She sighed heavily as she began to delve into his-little story.

________

Liam Fucks Hana Five Ways From Sunday With His Enormous Dick”

A new collaborative drabble by @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore and newcomer @inyourfacerileybrooks-love-liam

NSFW 🍋🍋🍋

Summary: This takes place in Fydelia, during the engagement tour, where Liam had caught his girlfriend, Riley, having sex with Drake in the courtyard.

(Liam)

“Bastien!”, I yelled, “arrest these two for treason, indescency in public, and…”, upon seeing the little Hershey bar wrappers scattered on the ground from Drake’s smores, “….litering”.

Seeking my forgiveness, Riley sobbed and pleaded for her release, citing temporary insanity, as her reasoning for betraying me in such a manner.

I did not care.

As my head guard took them both away in shackles and chains, I stopped him momentarily, “Bastien?”.

He turned to acknowledge me, “Yes, Your Majesty”.

“Throw away the key”.

I never wanted to see their sorry faces again. They both will spend the rest of their days in the palace dungeon, in misery, never to see daylight .

Riley rolled her eyes, “real subtle, Liam”, she murmured, before continuing….

I left the scene of their sexual crime feeling hurt and destroyed. Everything I had done since my coronation had been to protect her….Her! When I spoke those three words in the hedge maze before we made love for the first time, I meant them….I loved her.

Truth is, I never stopped.

I never will.

I would have gone to the far reaches of the universe to love her and show her love. I would have given her anything, do anything she asked, gave her my very own life to protect her, yet, it wasn’t enough to keep her. She didn’t think I was man enough to be those things for her, a lover, a protector, a soul mate, a confidante…my best friend.

She wanted Drake Walker for that.

Shame…there is a certain taste to it. Extremely spicy? Maybe. If so, Riley’s mouth was on fire. She pushed herself up from lying down on her side and gently tossed the laptop onto the bed. If there was anything she was ever sure of in life, it was that Liam loved her and always had. Those words she just read, were meant for her, in the here and now.

Her stomach began to twist and turn, a sour taste rising in the back of her throat. She eased herself from the bed to stand, wiping away the steady streams of hot tears that moistened her cheeks.

She ran to the bathroom, shutting the door and fell to her knees before the cold porcelain, emptying the foulness of her betrayal inside of it. Feeling miserable for hurting Liam and causing him such pain.

“Mommy?..daddy?”, Nikolas called out as he sleepily entered his parents empty bedroom.

Without a reply, he stepped in further, his little, beady blue eyes darting around, seeking to find his mom and dad, his ears perking up at hearing the shower running.

Nikolas decided to wait for them to come out of the bathroom, not knowing Liam had stayed in his study last night. Grabbing onto one of the large wooden posters at the foot of the bed, he placed one foot on the frame and hoisted himself up, crawling playfully to the center.

He rose to his feet and jumped up and down several times before landing on his backside with a high bounce, giggling with pure delight. Riley’s laptop caught his eyes, resting on her pillow, open wide with the screensaver of a half naked, Ryan Reynolds bouncing around consistently. He perched himself on the edge of the bed, his short legs swinging freely over the side, as he laid the laptop in his lap.

He knew he wasn’t permited to use electronic devices without adult supervision, however, in his mind, that was not something he was concerned with. His tiny finger ran over the touchpad as his ears listened intently for the shower to stop. Nik’s eyes narrowed on the words that flashed before him, his hand cupped over his mouth….“daddy did what to Aunt Hana?”…..

Returning to my room at the estate, wounded and dispirited, I pour one drink after another, drowning my sorrows. My ultimate goal was to feel nothing, to forget the love of my life ever existed….if only for this night.

Soon, the dizzying effects of the alcohol begin to take its hold on me. I shed my suit jacket, feeling warmth, tossing it absentmindedly on the bed. I began to roll up the sleeves of my dress shirt, when a gentle knock alerted me to the door. I stumble haphazardly across my suite to see who it is at this late hour.

Hana and Maxwell stood opposite of me with looks of concerns and disappointment.

(Hana)

Maxwell and I stand before Liam, who looks like he has spent the evening wallowing in what Riley and Drake had done to him. By now, the entire court and press had gotten word of their very public display of affection….if thats what you would call it. When Maxwell and I were made aware of the situation, we thought he could use a friend, a shoulder to cry on, and-The Game.

The King invites us into his lavish executive suite, lit only by the moonlight’s glow through the clear glass of the balcony door. A near empty bottle of scotch sits on the coffee table in front of the sofa with a pack of cigarettes and a full ash tray.

“Liam”, I wrap him in a warm hug, “we are so sorry for what happened. Is there anything we can do?”.

“Yeah, buddy”, Maxwell said with an encouraging smile, “we came to cheer your up”.

Liam crosses to the center of the room and slumps down onto the couch, grabbing the bottle of scotch, “I appreciate that, but…I don’t think anyone can help me tonight”.

I look to Maxwell, who gives me a knowing look and a nod. We avert our attention back to the King who is lighting up his next cigarette and falling back into the couch.

I wink at Maxwell. It’s time.

Maxwell and I move to the sofa. He plops down on the end opposite of Liam and I settle myself in between them; there was only enough room for the three of us.

(Liam)

I’m grateful that Maxwell and Hana are so concerned for my wellbeing, however, I really just want to be left alone.

Hana shifts next to me and places a delicate hand on my knee. If I weren’t so inebriated, that act alone would seem almost inappropriate for a lady of my court. I take a quick draw and exhale the toxic fumes towards the ceiling.

“Your Majesty”, her voice sweet and low, “Maxwell and I would like to play a…"game”..with you.“

I smile at her and lightly squeeze the hand she has resting on my knee, “I’m not really in the mood for games..maybe another time”.

“Come on daddy, play the game with Uncle Max and Aunt Hana”

I catch Maxwell’s hand moving just below the hem of Hana’s knee length dress, gliding under the fabric as he caresses her thigh, inching higher and higher. I quirk my brow, curious at to what this knucklehead was doing.

Hana closes her eyes, appearing to melt into his touch, soft moans escaping her lips. I scoot further away, unclear as to what the hell is going on.

The intricate lace of Hana’s light pink panties become visible as Maxwell’s finger disappears under it. Her usually, elegant hand, pressing him further and deeper into her. I avert my eyes and begin to whistle uncomfortably, wondering if these two came to cheer me up by…fucking in front of me?

Hana’s sultry voice beckons for me. “I dare you to touch me too, Your Majesty”, an inviting grin appears on her face as Maxwell removes his fingers from her. To say I am baffled would be an understatement, yet, my cock starts to harden with anticipation.

“Do it, do it, do it”, an oddly subdued Maxwell begins to pressure me with a shit-eating grin.

I shake my head insistently, “I..I can’t touch Lady Hana like that”, I wanted to, she’s gorgeous and talented, and by the looks of Maxwell’s glistening fingers, fucking soaked. I lean forward and put out my cigarette, planning to get away from whatever the hell kind of game these two are playing. I’ve played Monopoly, I’ve played checkers, never have I “played” Stick a Finger in The Pussy.

My heart races as she grabs my hand and pulls it towards her. I hesitate, but, dammit, I’m only a man. My fingers roam over the wetness of her panties, I can smell her essence and it completely overcomes me. I make my way under the lace; she is warm and slick. I begin to move with precision through her folds and she groans my name. Hana’s giftedness never fails…I can honestly say, I do feel a little more cheerful afterall.

Through her moaning, she dares Maxwell to suck my dick. I laugh, oh the Hana…she’s such a jokester, until that son of bitch gets up and kneels before me. In my drunken state, I don’t move as my lifelong friend unbuckles my leather belt and slowly unzips my pants. He releases my cock from its confines…is this really happening? Hana squirms under my touch and I can tell she is close to the edge, as Maxwell’s hot tongue curls around my shaft.

“Nikolas!”, Liam’s voice booms disapprovingly as he stands at the doorway, “are you on your mother’s laptop?”

A panic-stricken Nikolas, jolts from being caught, then squints his eyes as he watches his father approach him.

Liam towers over his young son, hands on his hips with a displeased glare. “Well…what do you have to say for yourself?”

Nikolas remains quiet for a moment before Liam presses him again for an answer. Without warning, he cries out, “You are a bad man daddy! A very bad man!”. He jumps off the bed, pushing himself past Liam, wailing and sobbing back to his room, where his door could be heard slamming shut.

The bathroom door opens and a towel clad Riley slips out, “What was that?”

Liam scratches his unkempt hair, perplexed at his son’s outburst, “I’m not sure. I caught him on your laptop before he told me I was a very bad man and cried himself out of the room”

Riley swiveled the laptop he left on the bed towards her, leaning over it in search of what caused her young child to explode. Her lips moved quietly as she read until, “YOU HAD A THREESOME WITH HANA AND MAXWELL?!”, she blinked wildly, “…my baby is gonna need therapy for life”.

Liam grabbed the device from her, “I most certainly did not”. He read the post for himself, gasping at each sentence, nodding his head incessantly, “No…No…animal sounds?…golden shower?…Hana milked our prostates? Drake escapes the dungeon and kills me with marine life?…I didn’t write this, I swear. I only wrote the first part and Bleakmore assured me she would give it a loving ending”.

Skeptical at his story, Riley points to the screen, “Look”, her eyes focus in as she points to the screen, reading aloud, “Never ask a Drake stan to betray him…You’ve been… Bleakmored”. She bites her lip to control the urge to laugh.

“Bleakmored?”, he sighs, “Bleakmored?…I hope she knows she has traumatized our son”, he closes his eyes in disbelief before Riley wraps her arms around his waste and draws him closer to her.

She stares up at her husband with a loving smile and sincerity, “I’m sorry you were Bleakmored…and…I’m sorry I wrote that story about Drake. You are the only man I want, My King”, she trails kisses across his neck and palms his hardened groin, “maybe you can finish your smut where you left off, with me”.

Liam shudders under the intensity of her hands moving in perfect motion, “Only if you let me… milk you, My Queen”.

Riley lips curl into a devilish grin “I’ll get the Vasoline and rubber gloves”.

Wacky Drabblers and Permatags: @emceesynonymroll @burnsoslow @jessiembruno @sirbeepsalot @dcbbw @romanticatheart-posts @stopforamoment @katedrakeohd @pedudley @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @drakesensworld @ao719 @janezillow @eileendannie @texaskitten30 @glaimtruelovealways @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @hopefulmoonobject

[romera-rp]

Conflict and resentment simmered on all sides after months of bitter stalemate and ceasefire. In the wee hours of the morning on February 6th, a massive fleet of ships appeared on Arx’s horizon. As the sun rose higher, the dawn revealed the dreadful colors of Queen Ivana of Kaivras. The few fisherman out on open water were the first witnesses of her assault, her flags raised high like the blade of a guillotine. Ivana’s navy was always the strongest of the four nations and little could have prepared Arx for just how immense those numbers were. The ships set upon them mere hours later, cannons primed and swords drawn and itching for violence. Despite her withdrawal from Llyn, it is now clear that Ivana has her sights set on much larger targets. Arx being the biggest port Hegaehend has to offer and one of its greatest wellsprings of education is one such target. Even if she is unsuccessful in taking Arx for good, the staggering blow to Hegaehend and her brother, King Rolland II, will never be forgotten. 

IN CHARACTER DETAILS

This event will take place between February 6th to February 29th 3509 AT and your threads may take place at any point during those in-game days. 

TIMELINE

THE MORNING OF (February 6th) The attack comes without warning and there were few soldiers stationed in Arx. Many were kept on the land borders where skirmishes are more likely. The local government has no choice but to surrender to the overwhelming number of Ivana’s forces. The nobility and wealthy merchants of the city held a max exodus just before Ivana’s ships reached port, but most ordinary citizens, without funds or resources to flee, are left to fend for themselves. The invaders are quick to take control of the city borders and lock them down. 

THE DAYS FOLLOWING (February 7th to 10th)  The invasion of Arx was a brutal show of force and power. Mere months ago there were joyous celebrations in the streets and raucous festivals, but now there are numerous bodies of those who tried to fight back against Ivana’s soldiers. Where sweet wine was once spilled in merriment, there is now fresh blood. Without mercy, her men fired into the port, targeting what few military vessels were stationed there first. Buildings in the Pearl Plaza are set aflame, the last merchant boats in Whale Water Port are looted and sunk. The last bastion of resistance, The Siang Institute of Circumstance, has closed its doors as acolytes and scholars try to hold out against the forces that threaten to overwhelm them. Some citizens have taken to hiding behind the walls of the University and Archives, but it is only a matter of time before they are overrun. The citizens left out, unprotected, band together in their homes, waiting and hoping for relief. 

A KING’S RESPONSE (February 11th to February 15th)  King Rolland delivers a swift response and moves his attention away from the border with Kaivras where most battles have taken place prior to this attack. He sends his forces towards Arx across land and sea. His few other military vessels race towards the conflict. The city will be difficult to recapture, and it has been suggested by some council members that it may be easier to infiltrate the city in small numbers before the full force of Rolland’s army arrives. It is with this in mind that any seeking to gain access to Arx are advised to be extremely cautious. Ivana’s soldiers are everywhere and they are merciless. It has been emphasized that Ivana takes no prisoners. 

THE BATTLE FOR ARX (February 16th to February 20th)  The city of Arx, razed nearly to the ground and trampled below the feet of Ivana, is awash with new conflict. When the primary mass of King Rolland’s forces arrive, aided by the brave few who had infiltrated the city borders previously, a brutal and bitter battle ensues. Within a week, the chokehold that Ivana’s forces held on movement in and out of the city is broken. Citizens desperate to flee the prison of the city are finally provided a way out, but it also brings further chaos to the streets of Arx as the battle is brought within city limits. 

BITTER VICTORY (February 21st to February 28th) After weeks of terror, bloodshed, and brutality, King Rolland’s forces are able to push Ivana’s thugs back. Both sides suffered heavy casualties, but no pain or loss is felt more strongly than those native to Arx. Homes are destroyed and ransacked, businesses gutted, and too many lives have been cut short. As the last glimmer of Ivana’s retreating forces flicker and disappear back over the horizon from where they came, there is a feeling in the air not of a battle hard won, but of having been taunted. Ivana’s soldiers were near gleeful to leave the smoldering, trampled remnants of Arx. They’d had their fun, it seemed. The message is clear: Ivana will chip away at Hagaegend’s defenses until there is nothing left. 

WHAT REMAINS (February 29th) While most of Arx has been destroyed, there are still some of its people that remain. The Siang Institute of Circumstance still stands, battered but whole, its contents protected. Council member Isidora Siang has opened the campus to victims of the attack and Rolland’s forces have set up medical tents and temporary housing for those who survived the brutality. There are those who wander the streets trying to salvage what remains from the rubble, searching for survivors and salvageable goods, and in the following weeks there will be a concentrated rebuilding effort. For now, however, the city of Arx is cloaked in a heavy shadow of grief. The buildings are little more than rubble and so are the people of Arx. For now, at least. 

OOC DETAILS

This event will last from February 6th to February 29th. Feel free to have your character react to the news of this attack in any way you see fit. As always, feel free to continue non-event related threads throughout. 

The news will have spread very quickly across Hegaehend and has created panic and dread in each of its inhabitants. Many will be wondering if their city, their town, or their forgotten village will be next. 

You are also more than welcome to have your character be present for the initial attack or the following days of fallout, though be aware that normal life in Arx has come screeching to a halt and if your character chooses to fight within the city, they would likely quickly become overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of Ivana’s forces if not done tactfully. 

The worldbuilding post for Arx can be found here. 

Any soldiers your character might encounter will have this stat block. 

THREAD IDEAS

When the fighting started, you were there. Did you choose to fight, to help others, or did you flee? Who was with you in that moment of chaos? Loved ones, strangers, and enemies were equal in the eyes of Ivana’s soldiers that day. 

When the city was taken, many became trapped, but one or two people might be able to slip through the cracks to find an escape route for survivors. They must be quiet or willing to cut down Ivana’s soldiers. 

In an attempt to flee, or escape after the capture, you’re getting pursued through the crumbling streets by ruthless soldiers. Better find a place to hide or fight back. 

The Siang Institute of Circumstance and its University and Archives are the crown jewel of Arx. You find yourself either voluntarily or involuntarily locked within its walls with the other survivors. 

Ivana’s ships are numerous, but as her soldiers sack the city, that leaves them at port. The anchored ships of Ivana are awfully vulnerable aren’t they? They surely won’t mind a few cut-free anchors or torched sails. Will you risk your chance at escape for some revenge?

You aren’t in Arx when the news spreads of its fate. Instead of a visceral experience, the battle taking place is out of your reach unless you decide to intervene. How do you react to news of yet another disaster? Does the King’s response satisfy you? 

Was one of your loved ones inside Arx at the time of the attack? Maybe you’ve come to see if they’ve survived.

Perhaps you were too late. The dust has settled, the enemies have left laughing, and you’ve arrived to survey the shattered pieces of a once proud city. 

[golden-witch]

I wrote an incredibly long character study for Sayo for an RP group. I am deciding to share because some fans have difficultly figuring her out because of Ryukishi’s writing style, which is honestly understandable. I hope y’all enjoy! I have some other writings about Sayo you could also check out. More under read-more.

Sayo was once a happy girl whose suffering transformed her into a woman with a polarized personality and a warped sense of justice. She has suffered emotional abuse at the hands of the Ushiromiya family and their associates. Born an orphan, she grew up neglected and without friends that weren’t imaginary. Daydreaming was a means of entertainment and escapism for Sayo. She created her own mental safe space called the Golden Land in order to cope with her miserable life. This would develop into a spiritual way of thinking and ultimately become the land of the dead in Sayo’s conceptualization of religion. 

It was always Sayo’s desire to blend fantasy with reality. Even as a little girl, she tried to bring her imagination to life by inventing the Golden Witch, a supposed ghost who haunted the halls of the mansion where she worked. Sayo would use this as a means to empower herself. Beatrice was a persona she assumed, and under her name, Sayo would pull pranks and cause mischief for the inhabitants of Rokkenjima both to enhance the veracity of the witch’s legend and to vent her anger towards the staff and her family for mistreating her. 

Sayo’s more vindictive personality traits would increase as she grew older. Although she had begun to impersonate the witch for fun, it became a power fantasy for her, and her acting would become dangerous. Sayo’s fear of abandonment caused her to cling to Battler Ushiromiya, and when he left the island, the hateful side of her began to fester. She anxiously waited for his return and blamed him for tragedies which befell her during their separation because he promised to save her from Rokkenjima. She became vengeful towards Battler and chose him as the target of her murder-suicide game, an ultimate act of retribution for leaving her to suffer.

The knowledge Sayo uncovered during Battler’s absence radically transformed the way she viewed herself. She was never satisfied with herself and had many suspicions about her body but learning the truth about her background was catastrophic. She considers herself deeply undeserving of other’s affection out of disgust towards herself-- largely affected by the circumstances of her birth;  she is an illegitimate child and a product of incest with disfigured sex organs due to an accident she sustained. Personal difficulty with discerning her gender causes her to suffer from an identity crisis so severe that she doesn’t view herself as human. This complex results in Sayo calling herself “furniture”, a being below humans whose sole purpose is servitute. Furniture can never know love, but they can still dream of what it feels like to love and be loved-- a torturous existence where all romantic endeavors end in tragedy. 

Love is a very important concept to Sayo. She has troubles with introversion and as a result forms bonds so deep that they are integral parts of her being.  She values relationships over material things and feels so strongly about connecting to others that she will go to great lengths to solidify relationships. While endearing, it has more dangerous side effects including possessiveness; once Sayo has become close to someone, she does everything in her power to avoid abandonment. This goes to extreme lengths in the story, where Sayo prefers to commit murder and suicide in order to prevent her loved ones from abandoning her.

Sayo is extremely sensitive towards the prospect of people discovering the state of her body and mind. She seeks to fulfill other’s desires before her own and is terrified of traits which displease them. She pushes these left over thoughts and feelings onto a series of personas to categorize them. They are Shannon, Kanon, and the witch, Beatrice. It should be noted that Sayo does not have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), rather she establishes characters to roleplay and does so convincingly.

‘Shannon’ is the work name Sayo wears while serving the Ushiromiya family as a maid. She has been developed into a persona, an idealized form of femininity. Shannon is a demure, heartfelt girl whose desire is to retire to domestic life with her husband and children. She is meant to fulfill Sayo’s fantasy of becoming a woman and a wife. Her concept of womanhood is limited and very gendered, bordering on stereotypical. 

‘Kanon’ is a male alter-ego (once an imaginary friend) who Sayo adopted due to her struggle with gender identity because of her unclear biological sex. He is her vision of what a boy should be like; crass, cold and impersonal, a protective persona meant to shield Shannon’s vulnerabilities. He is especially resentful of love and magic because of Sayo’s partial realization that her fantasies have a dark side. The traits Sayo gave to Shannon and Kanon are very polarizing, and the two often debate in her daydreams as she considers who she wants to be and what steps she must take to achieve that. Kanon opposes the massacre and wishes for life on Rokkenjima to continue as normal so that he can fulfill his relationship with Jessica, in part, and because he tries to be satisfied with his lot in life. When Sayo realizes that this is impossible due to the discoveries about her background, Kanon advocates for suicide rather than murder. He fails to convince Sayo because he is ultimately more passive and less dominant that the Shannon persona. This also causes Kanon to die during the duel.

‘Beatrice’ is the character Sayo play-acts as to fulfill a power fantasy. Beatrice represents the sadistic, vindictive side of Sayo’s psyche, traits she rarely displays in Shannon or Kanon. While operating under her Beatrice persona, Sayo channels her mischievous side into ‘magic’, pranks which vary from harmless to murderous. Beatrice embodies lost hopes and dreams for Sayo; for example, her voluptuous form, her sexual prowess, and her role as the family head are all impossible for Sayo to have. Beatrice is an unreachable ideal for Sayo. An interesting aspect I have noticed about Beatrice is her behavior, which is neither overly feminine (like Shannon) or masculine (like Kanon). Sayo blended these traits to create a woman who didn’t fit neatly into the two boxes of gender stereotypes. 

It is in this persona that Sayo commits her murder-suicide plot; Beatrice is the judge, juror, and executioner sent to cleanse the sins of Rokkenjima. She will kill the family and taken them with her to the Golden Land. She is almost godly, sent to Rokkenjima to enact divine justice.

The Golden Land and magic are religious concepts to Sayo which she has developed extensively over the years. She has a bit of a god-complex over the island as its master and believes, with conviction, that killing herself and her loved ones will transport them to this private heaven. Sayo will act on any means to actualize this dream and has no qualms with manipulating or hurting others to see her plans to fruition. She has decided this is the only way she can ever be happy. This includes grooming a child into a cult following with Beatrice as a sort of religious figure. While it began as an innocent game, Sayo warped Beatrice’s lore to brainwash Maria into believing that death was the only way to end her mother’s abuse instead of acting in Maria’s best interest and trying to intervene. She is incredibly passive and waits for miracles to change fate, miracles which would unfortunately never occur. At the end of the series, she realizes that she could have been more proactive in changing her life and others.

Sayo becomes a changed person after the events of Episode 6. She has finally accepted her mistakes and realized what she could have done to avoid Rokkenjima’s tragedy. In the Episode 8 manga, which I HIGHLY recommend reading (bc its better than the vn lol), she is able to confront a hysterical Ange and convince her that suicide and self destruction is not the answer to anyone’s problems. Sayo fully forgives the family for their actions and is able to move on, finally achieving peace in the afterlife where she exists happily with Battler.

You can find more writings about Sayo in my writings page.

[alderaanianheir]

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐊𝐘𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐄𝐑; 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐀𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

DO NOT REBLOG / PERSONALS DON’T INTERACT*

𝐋𝐄𝐈𝐀 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄

What has been implied in current expanded canon is still true, Leia is not overtly fond of following either the Jedi or Sith paths based on her personal experiences with them and how it’s affected her and her loved ones. The Jedi were the ones who were blind and let the Republic fall, and the Sith lords Vader and Palpatine were responsible for atrocious acts. Including her own planet, along with everyone she knew and loved, being destroyed in front of her eyes and the hours long torture she endured at the hands of her birth father. Vader is always Vader to Leia, she might have come to terms for her own sake about where she comes from but she does not support or hold any fond feelings for him. She has just attempted to let go of her anger towards him (its extremely hard for her).

Ironically, Leia is much like her birth father in this regard. She feels her emotions so strongly and holds a lot of anger, guilt and resentment inside after these long years at war. She also stresses herself out with the fear of what this means she will become — but despite her temptations, Leia is eventually able to overcome it and find a degree of peace while training.  However, as time goes on and situations become more dire , that control wanes a bit.

She trained in the short years after the war, the galaxy was in chaos and her force abilities were now awoken and consuming her as she began to feel everything she had numbed herself to during the rebellion. She needed help, and her brother saved her. Leia genuinely believes she would have been lost without it; but her deeper understanding didn’t calm every anxiety. Leia was even against having children initially, because she was afraid of what her child could be knowing what blood ran through her veins. Which is not to say Ben wasn’t wanted or loved — she wanted him so much, and loved him with all her heart. It frightened her at times, however. She wasn’t in love with the idea of him studying to be a Jedi at all; especially as she knew Snoke was preying on him. It felt like a risk, but Ben wanted to go and she wouldn’t stand in his way (as stated in the novel, Bloodline). He was extremely gifted, and had power he couldn’t comprehend. If anyone could help him, she trusted Luke. The only other force user (at the time) that she held faith in.

Leia, like in Rise of Skywalker, has studied too. She was also extremely proficient in the force. She had a lightsaber and everything, she studied the path but she knew she would never commit to this lifestyle. She wanted to control and understand this ability she’s always had and brushed aside. She wanted to be in control before it overtook her like it did Vader and many others before him. Once she did, like seen in the film — she stored her lightsaber away Ahch To; she was extremely gifted and had been blessed with a foresight that surpassed even her brother and knew this wasn’t her path and that her saber and destiny had roots elsewhere.

All of this equates to Leia being a force user, but neither a Jedi or Sith. Not even a Grey Jedi. Her force abilities are also far from common knowledge, even to the Resistance. The majority of which didn’t know she had the force, let alone a vast knowledge of it, until the events of The Last Jedi and the time between The Rise of Skywalker when she is capable to successfully train Rey as much as time allots.  

Leia’s force use rarely is ever manifested physically on purpose, it’s often internal through intuition and visions. Reading the signs in it’s ebb and flow through everything. When it does manifest physically, it is usually by instinct (eg: her force abilities saving her in the explosion).

In verses where I follow Leia’s death, she died much the way Luke and Rey (temporarily) do; she exerts herself too far in the force. While her communication through it to Ben isn’t the most daunting, Leia is in poor condition physically and emotionally (which affects her spiritually) after the events of The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi. She is still recovering, and her heart and spirit are in agony. She has also been pushing her recovering body while training Rey and leading the Resistance (including it’s hopping from place to place as shown in The Journey to The Rise of Skywalker books). The use of the force and the emotion she has to feel and send to her son to break through to him, physically and spiritually drains her to her breaking point. Her cause of death mirroring both her twin brother and birth mother simultaneously.

The people who officially know before The Rise of Skywalker and The Last Jedi the extent of Leia’s force abilities are:

Luke Skywalker

Han Solo

Ben Solo (limited in parts)

Maz Kanata

Chewbacca

Emperor Palpatine (through the force only)

Amilyn Holdo

The Jedi who are one with the force and whom Leia became in contact with through the force during her training

Some characters might suspect or figure out on their own, but the list of people who fully know is very short.

[kainosite]

Les Misérables 2018, Episode 4

If I post the review before the next episode airs in the US that counts as “timely”, right?

The Good

• Extremely South London Éponine is the best thing in this series.  From the moment she steps into Marius’ room, their interactions are absolutely perfect.  Her crass attempt to offer herself to him and her delighted wonder when it fails, Marius’ appalled, half-paralyzed bewilderment at the whole situation and his awkward charity, Davies’ made-up slang for the écu, “You’re a star, are you sure!?”,  Éponine code-switching at the end and then grabbing the bread on her way out, even the noncanonical, nonconsensual kiss – the whole scene is spot-on from start to finish.

As is her reunion with the rest of the Thénardier clan.  The coarse sisterly banter and Azelma’s look of joy when Éponine hands her the stale bread, Thénardier’s petulant ranting, his violence towards Éponine and Mme. Thénardier’s weary indifference to it, his immediate attempt to crush Éponine into submission when she shows any sign of independence or self-worth – it all paints a vivid picture of Éponine’s world, and the juxtaposition to the scene with Marius makes it very clear that her infatuation with him is not about a crush on a boy but rather about getting the hell away from all this.  And I love that she grabbed her five francs back at the end.

• It’s interesting that the miniseries with the most graphically awful Toulon also has the most determinedly reclusive Valjean, and it’s consistent with his experience in Montreuil-sur-Mer as well.  In the novel Madeleine’s fall is precipitated by his carelessness towards his subordinates, first with regard to the consequences of his factory’s morality policy and then with regard to Javert’s feelings.  But that’s all pretty indirect, and Brick Valjean could reasonably feel that he was the victim of an arbitrary misfortune and that if he’d been a bit luckier everything would have worked out fine.  Westjean, on the other hand, was hunted from the moment Javert showed up in town and was personally responsible for Fantine’s downfall.  From his perspective, his attempt to participate in society must seem like a catastrophe.  He might well wonder whether it’s possible for someone in his position to do any good at all, given the debacle in Montreuil.  Both guilt and prudence suggest it might be better to just give up and become a hermit.

• Cosette’s little convent friends.  This miniseries has consistently gone out of its way to place the female leads in community with other women, and it’s nice to see.

• Rivette continues to be excellent even with a silly moustache.

• The Mabeuf + Marius timeline continues to be nonsensical, but I enjoyed their meet-cute and Marius was charmingly obtuse.  I also enjoyed Davies’ commitment to Georges Pontmercy/Mabeuf, which is the only explanation I can think of for why Mabeuf might keep a collection of old newspaper clippings about Georges in his attic.

• Gillenormand is still pitch-perfect.

• This episode was not Quinjolras’s finest hour, but he was extremely done with Marius’ shit, which though not particularly Brick-accurate is a quality I always appreciate in an Enjolras.  Giving him Combeferre’s “To be free” line was inspired.  I’m also impressed by his ability to adjust his rhetoric to match his audience – “Think of the poor veterans living in poverty!” is the way to win Marius to the side of revolution, if anything will.

• The juxtaposition of Javert’s lonely, cheerless bedtime routine and Valjean broodingly watching Cosette at the piano could have been filmed by a Valvert shipper (Look!  They’ll never be complete without each other!), which in a way I suppose it was.

• The police patrolling the Luxembourg Gardens while Cosette is looking around in raptures was a nice subtle touch.  This series plays up the Valjean vs. Cosette conflict more than I might like, but it does a very good job of showing you where they both are coming from.

• THE HANDKERCHIEF SCENE!

• I do appreciate Westjean’s ongoing commitment to self-branding.  Also the fact that they included the chisel scene makes the Coin of Shame a nice piece of foreshadowing.

The Meh

• I suppose it makes sense for a Cosette raised by Shouty Valjean to shout a lot herself.  This Valjean + Cosette pair actually articulate their needs and desires and communicate them to each other, instead of repressing everything and sinking into silent depression.

On the one hand, that’s healthy.  Good for them.  I know people are concerned about the tenor of their relationship, but frankly Westjean has done a better job than Brick Valjean of raising Cosette out of the unquestioning silence of her abuse.  They both adopted a kid who “had suffered so much that she feared everything – even to speak, even to breathe”.  Only Westjean has a kid who doesn’t exhibit the exact same trauma symptoms six years later.

On the other hand, who are these people?

• I do not appreciate Javert’s medal, but I very much appreciate Javert’s resentment of his medal while there’s still a Valjean on the loose.  If we’ve gotta go Bread Crimes let’s really commit to it.

• Sister Simplice is convinced the outside world has become more dangerous.  Sure, I guess?  1823-25 when they came into the convent was a relatively calm period, and there has just been a successful revolution.  Still, this seems like a good time for the show to mention that.

• “Wow,” I thought, “What a perfect choice for the Rue de l’Homme Armé!”  Oh wait, it’s the Rue Plumet which is still mostly orchards at this point.  That said, the garden is fantastic.

• Marius’ wet dream was actually okay.  After the Éponine Peep Show Incident I feared the worst, but there was nothing terribly wrong with it.  Marius had vaguely sexual thoughts about Cosette, his subconscious pulled a bait-and-switch and transformed her into Éponine, at which point he went “Nope nope nope DNW!” and awoke in a cold sweat.  This is not at all an unreasonable thing for Marius to dream, especially in an adaptation that’s dangling Éponine’s sexuality in front of him as aggressively as this one is.  The key theme of Marius/Éponine from Marius’ end, which is that he’s not attracted to her because he understands it’s immoral to fuck starving child prostitutes, comes through loud and clear.

• What a weird way to do the Chaîne scene.  I can see it happening: most Valjeans would never intentionally expose Cosette to a sight like this, but because Westjean is stuck with a Cosette who actually asserts her needs, he has to push back much harder than usual in order to maintain their secrecy.  He doesn’t show her the Chaîne to punish her or upset her – it’s clearly an ill-judged attempt to convince her The World Is Bad and win their argument from the day before, and perhaps also to start a conversation about his own past which will explain why he’s a paranoid recluse.  A bit manipulative perhaps, but that’s well within Valjean’s repertoire, and he’s thoroughly punished for it by the narrative since the whole scheme ends up backfiring horribly on him.  Cosette is not just appalled by this glimpse into the brutality of their society but repulsed by the convicts themselves, and the viewers get an explanation for why Valjean will be so adamant later that Cosette must never learn his true history.

I do think the Chaîne scene is important for explaining Valjean’s Cosette Issues so I’m always glad when an adaptation decides to include it, but on balance I think it works better when they stumble across it by accident.

• The attempted kidnapping at the Gorbeau tenement was fine.  Points for including the chisel and all the “neighbors” slipping into the room, minus points for Valjean punching everyone.  I’m not sure why Valjean thought paying off Thénardier would help anything, but then Valjean has never been the king of good decisions and this Valjean less than most.

The Bad

• I appreciate Valjean’s aspiration to spend the rest of his life hiding in a hole.  I do not appreciate the hard sell on Cosette taking the veil.  It just makes him seem selfish and inconsiderate of her needs, to a degree that he isn’t in the novel.  His “I thought we’d found a home here together where you could grow up and I could grow old, and you could grow old, and I could die, and you could die, and we’d be buried and we’d be together forever! :D :D :D” line is hilarious and adorable in the way it expresses the tragic limits of his aspirations, but I would sacrifice it in order to lose this scene.

• After holding down the fort on costumes and set design for two episodes, the Prefecture of Police sadly let us down this episode.  You guys were doing so well!  No uniforms, no illegal tricolors in 1823 like some adaptations we could mention *cough2012cough*, but now it’s 1832 and suddenly everyone is dressed like an officier de paix and Javert has a medal and they’ve still got the fleur-de-lys up.  Also that blah jacket of navy serge is not what the Prefect of Police’s uniform looked like in the 1830s, lmao.  I mean, for fuck’s sake, it’s fancier than that now.  That thing Chabouillet was wearing in the 1978 movie is also not remotely what the Prefect’s uniform looks like, but at least they bothered to slap some gold braid on it.

I will grudgingly accept the uniforms as a visual representation of the increasing professionalization of the police, Not!Gisquet’s Légion d’honneur is a reasonable reward for him apparently allowing the July Revolution to happen, and I do appreciate them swapping the portrait of Louis XVIII for Louis-Philippe inside, but there’s no excuse for Javert’s medal or the flag.

• Surely the entire purpose of casting Josh O'Connor as Marius is so Marius can be shy and stiff and awkward, and emphasize these qualities by having a face that consists primarily of nose and ears?  Otherwise you could cast someone who actually looks like Marius.

I know everyone shouts a lot in this and he probably needs to be able to shout back to keep up with Cosette, but from his very first words to Gillenormand he’s far too assertive and confrontational.  Part of the charm of Marius/Cosette is how isolated and naive they both are, and how these victims of childhood abuse are able to find in each other a safety they might not find in anyone else.  (Marius’ damage is obvious, and while Cosette’s is more subtle her tendency towards unquestioning acceptance would leave her incredibly vulnerable to the Tholomyèses of the world.)  This adaptation portrayed this kind of mutual refuge very well with Valjean/Fantine, of all things, so it’s weird they didn’t think to do it here.

Of course, Bambersette is healthier than Brick Cosette in some ways so maybe she doesn’t need it so much, but they still need to sell us on the pairing somehow.  Meet-cutes in the Luxembourg are all very well, but handkerchief sniffing can only get you so far.

• I see Fantine’s inability to put her hair up like a respectable woman is hereditary.

• If we have to see this much of the principal-tenant of the Gorbeau House I want to see some parrots, dammit.

• Éponine has a job and we have no reason to assume she’s bad at it, so I’m not going to say she wouldn’t do a sexy peephole dance for her new neighbor the law student.  At this point she knows nothing of Marius’ virtuous chastity; all she knows is that he’s young, male, richer than her, and she’s probably going to be forced to sleep with him for money at some point.  This scene could happen.

But we sure as fuck didn’t need to see it.  Stop sexualizing the starving child prostitute, Davies.  It’s disgusting.

• Speaking of things not to sexualize, why the hell does the dressmaker assume Valjean is Cosette’s sugar daddy and not her actual relative?  It made sense that everyone thought so last week because Valjean was being super shady.  It makes sense for Thénardier still to think so, because Thénardier is Thénardier.  It makes absolutely no sense for random strangers to assume it.  It’s the nineteenth century!  People die in childbirth!  There’s a cholera epidemic!  Teenage girls need their fathers to take them clothes shopping because all their female relatives are dead.  This is not such an unusual scenario that anyone would remark on it, or make highly offensive insinuations about a customer.  And why doesn’t Valjean just introduce himself to people as her father???

Mild, mild Valjean/Cosette is Brick canon and I don’t think we can justly criticize an adaption for including it, but every random passerby shouldn’t be remarking on it.

• On my first viewing of this episode, I assumed that its portrayal of the Amis as tiresome drunken louts could be explained by the fact that Andrew Davies simply didn’t like Enjolras, and probably not the other Amis or the June Rebellion very much either.  The superb barricade sequence in the subsequent episodes demolishes that theory.  Never has it been portrayed so well, and certainly not in any English language adaptation.  But that leaves me at an absolute loss to explain what Davies was doing here.  This is our first introduction to the Amis: they should be likable, so that we will like them.  They are not.

The irony is that it’s not particularly hard to prosecute a case against Enjolras, if you want to complicate his heroism a bit.  Enjolras is ridiculous and slightly insufferable!  Enjolras is a guy who thinks “Citizen, my mother is the Republic,” is a coherent and comforting response when his best friend musically drags your Napoleon eulogy.  I mean, just look at these twats in hats in the Théâtre de la Jeunesse adaptation.  They are highly mockable!  And on a more somber note, Enjolras led a revolutionary cell that misjudged the public mood so badly it got a hundred people killed to no useful purpose.

But Enjolras is not deliberately trying to orchestrate a battle to the death over France’s system of government.  Enjolras had the chance to battle to the death only two years ago, and he’s still here.  What Enjolras wants is to jump up on Lamarque’s casket and have all the National Guards and the troops of the line wave their muskets in the air and say “Yeah, fuck that pear-faced buffoon!  Down with the king!  Vive la république!”  That’s why his side have been quietly trying to propagandize and subvert every military unit in Paris for months, which Davies knows, because Enjolras mentions it himself in Episode 5!  If the monarchy could be overthrown without any bloodshed at all, that would be ideal.

And Enjolras has too much dignity to throw food at anyone, even Grantaire.  If we must take a swipe at Enjolras through the medium of food fights, Courfeyrac should throw food at Grantaire and Enjolras should give him a pious lecture about wasting food when so many are starving.  That wouldn’t be in character either, but it’s at least within shooting distance of proper characterization and it highlights annoying qualities the characters actually have.

• Speaking of annoying qualities characters don’t have, when Courfeyrac is coming off as sleazier than Tholomyès you are doing it wrong.  Courfeyrac knows girls you don’t have to pay, beyond the usual ‘showing them a good time’ expenses.  He does not have to take his dorky virgin friend to a brothel to get him laid!

• Grantaire is a drunk, but he’s a grandiloquent drunk.  That is... his entire characterization.  How could anyone get this wrong?

• That fucking brothel scene.  WHY.

If you must do a Sexual Awakening of Marius plotline, and evidently Andrew Davies must, I think the correct sequence is this: Courfeyrac and Grantaire take him out beyond the barrières and try to set him up with cute girls.  Marius is having none of it, of course; he’s too shy and awkward, girls are scary, he doesn’t want a fling.  Then he sees Cosette in the park and he’s smitten.

A visit to a brothel Courfeyrac is too classy ever to patronize is not in the cards.  The sole redeeming feature of this scene was the fact that Enjolras declined to attend.

This episode was a return to form, and by form I mean the Thénardiers were fantastic and everything else was incredibly fucking uneven.  While I can’t say that this Gavroche will make fun of Enjolras’ rubbish beard, I can say this Gavroche would make fun of Enjoras’ rubbish beard, and that’s what really counts.

[johnny2071]

F is for Family - Bill’s Letter and Apology (Deconstructed)

Bill running away and finally calling out his parents is a major turning point in his character arc, and hopefully, the entire family. In these connected scenes, there's a lot of deep contexts, and I will be analyzing each of them. If anyone here has ever watched Mystery Science Theater 3000, Rifftrax, or any Channel Awesome reviews, you should understand what I'm doing here. Pay close attention to everything written in parenthesis within the transcript, as I will explain each note at the end. Bill's Letter: ----------------- Dear Mom and Dad, By the time you find this note, I will be long gone because I'm running away. Dad, I'm sure you won't care too much being that I'm such a big disappointment to you and I'm always bothering you with my problems. And I know you think I'm a pussy. My reasons for saying this are A, I heard you say it to Mom (Bill was there during the bedroom argument). In conclusion, I'm sure you will all be better off without me (Bill has been burned or neglected by all four members of the family). Mom, I'll remember to brush my teeth (No ill will?). Maureen, even though I'll be gone forever, you still can't have my room (Bill's less-than-kind sister has been moved into his bedroom space). And Kevin, you were doing something (Bill is that turned off by his masturbating, followed by his usual excuse). Sincerely yours, Bill. P. S. Watch out for Phillip (Who has a murderous mind and has gone ballistic twice). Bill's Calls Out His Parents & Rescue: ----------------- Frank: Bill, we're here! Daddy's gonna save you! Bill: Go to hell! (Bill strikes!) Frank: What the fuck did you just say to me? Bill: I'm fucking mad at you! You don't care about me, Dad! You never cared about me! You didn't take me to hockey tryouts because your stupid fat boss was eating chocolate in your truck. Pogo: (*"Now, there comes a point where a reasonable man will swallow his pride and admit that he's made a terrible mistake. The truth is, I was never a reasonable man"*) A Puerto Rican forced me to do that! (Pogo proves that he's not a reasonable man to own up to his mistakes) Bill: All you ever do is yell at me and call me a pussy. A guy exploded in front of me and you told me to shove it down. And when I needed you today, you told me, "Not now." Well how about now, Dad? (Bill has called out his old man) Frank: Jesus Christ, he's right. Son. I'm I'm sorry. I have been a terrible father lately. (Frank finally gets it, ….for now) Sue: Your father is very sorry, Bill. (Latching onto someone else's apology like a captain's parrot) Bill: I'm mad at you too, Mom! (You ain't off the hook, honey!) Sue: What? (MGS alert sfx) Bill: You spent all your time with that stupid scissor-spoon that I cut my fingers on! (Bill clearly holding back for some reason) Sue: (*cue Shopping Jaunt music*) It was called the Forkoontula, and it's still in the development stages, but you're right. It's just this new baby coming really threw us for a loop and then we got all wrapped up with the new neighbors. (How to construct an legitimate excuse over an apology to a very upset 11-year old boy) Mrs. Vanderheim: Well, I guess I ain't such a bad mother after all. [BLOWJOB] (Crass humor fodder insert) Sue: But that's all over now. (What's over? The pregnancy? The dead/arrested neighbors? The Forkoontula? The abuse?) Frank: And we're sorry. (Frank either hijacks Sue's "apology" for more .temp glory, or spares her the burden of responsibility) I told myself I'd be a better father than my own dad, and that starts now. You kids mean…. you mean a lot to me. I love you people. Just please come on home. We'll talk about it. (Which is either forgotten, or a discussion is had among the parents, while the children are elsewhere having zero-input) Bill: Can I have my old room back to myself? (A wish off the top of his head) Sue: Of course! Frank: Jesus, Sue, the house is a fucking mess! Sue: Frank! Frank: Sure. Your own room again. (Wish granted) Bill: I just want to go home. (Bill is back) Epilogue: ----------------- Frank: Well, I know things got a little crazy this summer. But now your mom and I, we got our priorities straight. Sue: Our most important job is being your parents. And I swear to you, we'll never forget that again. (Good luck with Frank's jerk father and your pregnancy still a thing) Notes: -Bill was there during the bedroom argument - Bill's parents knowing this is important, because the last time he mentioned this, the entire matter was preempted in favor of Major going missing. It should also tell them that he fully knows about their sex act right afterwards, and raise the question of why was Bill underneath the bed in the first place and not in school? He was suspended that day. Why was he suspended? He got into a fight with Jimmy Fitzsimmons. Why did he get into a fight? Fitzsimmons harassed him on Halloween night, when he was left home alone. -Bill has been burned or neglected by all four members of the family - Frank has been abrasive towards him, like every else he screams at. Maureen has zero-respect for him, blackmailed him, and was the first one to push him over the edge. Even Kevin (who isn't the friendliest guy) has begun to sour towards Bill as early as Season 2. And Sue, the one person you think would be closer to Bill (unlike of rest of Frank's personal juniors, Boy-Frank and Girl-Frank), has been nothing but hostile towards him in the rare moments they actually interact, for next to nothing. -No ill will? - After the way Sue has been hostile towards Bill, including this season, all the Bill has to say is that he ensures her of proper hygiene, a response so generic, he has nothing notable to say specifically to her in his goodbye letter. -Bill's less-than-kind sister has been moved into his bedroom space - After the way Maureen has treated him in the past, Bill is not fond of sharing his bedroom space with her, or giving her the satisfaction of ownership of his room. -Bill is that turned off by his masturbating, followed by his usual excuse - Given Kevin's boy-ish nature and questionable means of pleasure, and the fact that Bill's mind hasn't sexually matured yet (since he's barely in double digits), close encounters with sex-related matters make him squick very hard. In short, Bill is disgusted by Kevin for this. -Who has a murderous mind and has gone ballistic twice - Bill has already seen Phillip's kill book, depicted horrible acts of torture and murder to anyone who upsets him. Phillip himself has also flipped out at Bill for so much as liking a girl. Not to mention Phillip completely losing it on the Hobo Jojo Show. -Bill strikes! - After all the abuse both his family and the outside world has finally put him through, Bill finally lashes out at his father, all while hanging on for dear life. Frank and Sue finally come face-to-face with Bill's rage, something that's been long overdue since episode 5. -Pogo proves that he's not a reasonable man to own up to his mistakes - A reference from a quote from Big Fish. This was originally meant for Frank, except he does just that. Sue is a good alternative, but not only would the quote not make sense out of context, but Sue actually dances around this. Naturally, Pogo has been as much (if not more) of an asshole as Frank. I got the whole quote idea from a YouTuber's video. -Bill has called out his old man - In this season alone, Frank has been horribly dismissive towards all three of his children, especially when they needed his attention/any helpful advice the most. Here, Bill actually succeeds in calling Frank out on just that. -Frank finally gets it, ….for now - Frank, who's been extremely close-minded of anything his children say, actually has his mind opened by Bill, and is nearly left speechless. For the first time ever, Frank sincerely apologizes the Bill for being a bad father. However, this Frank we're talking about. Believe it or not, this isn't the first time Frank has made a passionate speech or apology. In fact, he has done this for each season final up to this point. By now, you would think that he would've because a better person by now. However, this show brands itself on bitterness and misery, and unfortunately, gets nothing but praise for it. In order for the show to keep its bitterness, Frank has to remain an over-the-top salty, powder keg, jerkass. Based on what resonates with this show's audience, it's Frank's defining trait, down to his threatening catchphrase, which is used towards the people he spends most of his interaction with: his children. Based on this and his track record of resetting back to default each season, it seems impossible and and out of character for Frank to change, much like Bojack Horseman (a character who actually tries to change, despite many characters in that show closing their doors on him). -Latching onto someone else's apology like a captain's parrot - Rather than apologize herself for her own mistakes, Sue decides to chime in and repeat back to Bill what Frank had just said, like a parrot or a one-dimensional yes man. -You ain't off the hook, honey! - It's good to know that Bill has resentment towards his mother as well, considering that she was actually worse to him than Frank was, even though the show tries to pretend that these moments never happened, yet throw off people (especially those hoping for better) by giving us more when we least expect it (or when scenario do not call for it at the slightest). You can tell that Bill (despite his situation and limited rage) is using this opportunity as his best bet to call BOTH parents out (since he's been a victim of bad timing and has run out of steam before he can get started, leaving him vulnerable). -MGS alert sfx - A sound effect from Metal Gear Solid that should've played alongside Sue's ridiculous reaction. what's baffling here is the fact that she's that shocked that Bill is angry at her, as if she's done nothing wrong to him, as if she's been nothing but kind to him, as if one of her children holding hostility towards her is such an outrageous out-of-the-left-field concept. It just sounds so fake coming from her, almost as cartoonish as The Simpsons, in a show trying to be as dark and real as possible. -Bill clearly holding back for some reason - Out of all the things Sue has said and done to Bill up to this point, THIS is the thing Bill decides to call out on. It's almost as Bill had a brief flashback of all the Sue-Bill moments and intentionally held back, by only referencing the most immediate she's done during the summer, or at this point, he's literally running out of steam and doesn't have enough stamina and anger to call her out on everything else (like he did with Frank). He isn't WRONG about all her time going into the Forkoontula, and the invention DID amplify Sue's ugly side. However, Bill was unintentionally spared from any instances of Sue's wrath pertaining to the Forkoontula. The only who wasn't so lucky and got the cold shoulder/venom is Maureen. "The Stinger" and "Punch Drunk" are prime examples. -*Cue Shopping Jaunt music*/How to construct an legitimate excuse over an apology to a very upset 11-year old boy - Shopping Jaunt is a public domain stock music piece often associated with assembly line production sequences. This is a reference to Sue/Laura Dern's lack of sincere emotion and patronizing/near-robotic delivery in her line. It's the equivalent of a someone making an announcement over an intercom in a professional environment, as opposed to a mother deeply apologizing to her son. Hell, she doesn't say "I'm sorry" to the the boy, not even once. Instead, she just brings up the news of the baby, as well as the new neighbors as the cause of their problems. The baffling thing is, it's not like Sue/Laura isn't capable of delivering a sincere apologetic tone. She did in episode 4 of this season after she learns the truth of what the other wives though of her invention, and actually apologizes to Marie for yelling at her. -Crass humor fodder insert - Did we really need this? This is supposed to be an emotional moment where the family finally sees first hand how upset Bill truly is, and finally gets his dues. But the impact is muddled by an insert scene of yet another crude one-note, one-dimensional, one-timer character taking up already limited screentime (given Bill's situation, how late in the season it is, and how late in the act it is). -What's over? The pregnancy? The dead/arrested neighbors? The Forkoontula? The abuse? - In a show like this that tries to stay faithful to its branding and reputation its built up, what exactly does Sue even mean by that? Last time we checked, Sue's still pregnant, and they only have a few months left. Will she decide NOT to have a fourth child and get an abortion, even this late? If she's referring to the new neighbors, of course that's over, since Nguyen-Nguyen poisoned Chet and got arrested. Will Sue finally give up on the Forkoontula (and future inventions), considering how it's bought out the worst in her and caused problems or everyone else, and focus on improving as a person and communicating with her children (which brings us to the "end of abuse" factor)? -Frank either hijacks Sue's "apology" for more .temp glory, or spares her the burden of responsibility - We've seen Frank constantly attempt to make up for his recent mistakes enough times already (spoiler alert: Someone like him, especially in this show, can never change). Why not have Sue be a person for once and own up to her mistakes. Just one apology to her children (in this case, Bill, and to a further extent, Maureen). "Sue: And I'm very sorry, Bill, for the horrible way I've acted as a mother." Is that honestly too good for Bill, or the viewers? We get it. Frank is the main character, but when you have a character like Sue act that scary and hostile towards the ones that don't deserve it, they have to take responsibility for their actions and amend for it so they can be sympathetic/likeable again, especially if they're part of the main cast: the family. -Which is either forgotten, or a discussion is had among the parents, while the children are elsewhere having zero-input - The phrase "we'll talk about it/we'll talk about this later" has been used very loosely in this series, with almost no promise, delivery, or payoff behind it. In the Murphy family, do they even HAVE family discussions? Do they actually talk with the children, instead of just barking orders and threats? Do Frank and Sue actually care about their opinions and how they feel, or just how they APPEAR to feel? At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't "talk about it" at all, especially after five months of dead silence after the events of season 2, only for similar mistakes to return and get as bad as they did in this season. -A wish off the top of his head - Bill sees that his parents are desperately pleading for his return, so he uses this opportunity to ask them for anything as a reason to come home. But considering who his parents are, Bill simply asks for the first thing he can think of in reason. -Wish granted/Bill is back - With this request granted, Bill is ready to return home, and his resentment towards his family has faded. With that said, is this the end of Bill's character arc? Will Frank and (mainly) Sue get along better with him, and the rest of their children? -Good luck with Frank's jerk father and your pregnancy still a thing - Despite Sue's promise to never forget that "being their parents is their most important job", there's still the matter of Sue's pregnancy, and all the hormones that make an already volatile person worse. Also, the introduction of Frank's jerkass father, who will have no problem driving everyone in the house crazy with his baggage (based on Frank's experiences with the man). And even without those glaring issues, what exactly does Sue mean by that? More work specifically for Frank (the least-suited man for the job)? Or does it mean simply mean paying more attention to their kids, but without improving communication/reasoning with them, and being more hostile towards them, over the slightest infraction at the wrong time/mood? In conclusion, I was initially ecstatic over S3E10 (since it was the closest we were going to get to a true happy ending, especially after all the crap that went down in season 2), but after I did more research (since I actually didn't sit through this season and skipped to a transcript of the season finale) and learned about everything else that happened, I learned that this ending wasn't enough to make up for it.

[wanderingspacedragon]

Rey’s Shadow

Let’s roll out the ol’ crystal ball and see if we can unfog the future for Episode IX.

This time let’s look at what we may expect for Rey and where her arc may go.

Remember this is all speculation and just for fun. If you like speculating and predicting on next Star Wars film, more is below the cut.

Rey has been a bit harder for me to nail down on what might happen for her in the next film, but after some digging and re-reading of some storytelling motifs I think I’ve got a clue on what to expect next.

So a storytelling trope that is very important in Star Wars is Facing and Integrating The Shadow or just the Shadow Archetype. It's the part of the personality that embodies everything a character doesn't like about themselves/fears about themselves. It is the things they, often subconsciously, deny about themselves and project onto others. The more the Shadow has been repressed, the more powerful it becomes. This comes from Carl Jung and his psychological theory, but we are going to use it for its story writing means. Guess who also used these theories? Joseph Campbell.

And George Lucas was heavily inspired by Joseph Campbell’s The Hero Journey. By looking into these we can see the framework of the Star Wars Saga.

Let’s take a look at past Shadow Archetypes in Star Wars. We’ll start with the OT. In this the Shadow has a personification in the form of Darth Vader. He is a powerful force user that, opposite of Luke, is angry, cold, and full of hatred. These are emotions and things that Luke tries to repress in himself because he fears them and can’t accept they are part of himself. In Empire Strikes Back, Luke has a vision in the Dark Side cave on Dagobah that spells this out and also is a bit of warning if he follows through in repressing/killing the Shadow.

The Vision has Luke facing off with Darth Vader and striking him down, only to reveal that under the mask is his own face. In Return of The Jedi, Luke is brought before the Emperor who tries to get  Luke to give into his Shadow Self and act out on those feelings, knowing that if he does kill his own father that he would fall to the Dark Side. It symbolizes that trying to kill your dark side will only make it grow larger and eventually eat you whole.

That is what happened to Anakin. In the PT era Anakin’s Shadow took in form of Darth Maul (Rage, Vengeance, and Wrath), Count Dooku (Arrogance and Self-Superiority), and General Grievous (Power-hungry and willingness to sacrifice one's own ‘humanity’ to gain power). They represented all the parts that Anakin tried to repress in himself. It's what the Jedi Order taught him to do and since these shadows were killed off instead of integrated, a larger Shadow emerged in the form of Darth Vader. What is interesting about the Prequels is the Shadow isn’t just Anakin’s, but the Jedi as a whole. This is the imbalance in the Force. The Jedi’s solution to the Sith and the Dark Side was to destroy it, not realizing that by trying to repress and erase they were just making it stronger. It is by Revenge of The Sith that all of these Shadows have been killed that the new one forms in Anakin as he is pushed to extreme decisions all cause no one wants to address the issues of detachment, obsessive love, anger, arrogance, fear, and the hunger for power. Thus a new monster is born. The Shadow will eat you if you do not accept it and properly manage it.

Now I’m going to spoil a movie here, so fair warning I’m going to talk about the movie The Babadook, a horror movie about a single mother and her child with behavioral issues. It’s more than that, but if you don’t want to be spoiled here’s your chance to skip over this part. I’m going to go over the story and how it all relates to dealing with the Shadow Self.

* * * * *

“There’s just NO WAY your OFF the HOOK

If you’re ALL GROWN UP

When you read this book.

And you snub your nose

With a civilized look…

You’ll appeal EVEN MORE

to the BIG BABADOOK.

And this is what he’ll say…

‘I’ll WAGER with YOU

I’LL MAKE you a BET

ThE MORE you DENY me

The STRONGER I GET.

You’ll then be my PUPPET, my plaything, my PET

I’ll MAKE you DO THINGS

You’ll be SURE to REGRET,”

-Limited Edition Mister Babadook pop-up book

Okay so in the Babadook the whole movie is about how this woman is not dealing with her Shadow Self and how it becomes almost a physical monster that terrorizes her and her son. Her husband was tragically killed in a car accident while driving her to the hospital while she was in labor. She does not celebrate her son’s birthday because it reminds her of her husband’s passing. She’s stuck in a job that she doesn’t want to do (she really wants to be a children’s book writer) and she has not be able to move on relationship wise. Her son and everything in her life has trapped her in this loop of the past in a way. When she reads a book called Mister Babadook, to her son before bed, everything in her life becomes worse and a monster seems to be stalking them. The book is scary and as it says in the book, “If it’s in a word, or it’s in a look. You can’t get rid of the Babadook.”

This book is an invitation and brings in the Babadook first by the paranoia of her son and then the mother starts seeing the Babadook. She keeps trying to repress her Shadow Self, which is the grief of losing her husband, the resentment she feels toward her own child, feeling trapped and angry over how her life is going. She keeps trying to deny and repress these feelings and thus trying to hid and get rid the Babadook. It gets so bad that the Babadook actually possesses her and she almost acts out the scenes in the book and nearly kills her own son. But his love for her is what finally snaps her out of it and she is able to control the Babadook. It’s never gone as the end of the movie shows. It now lives in their basement, but she addresses it and feeds it. And thus she can finally live a bit more peaceful and happier life.

“Whether adult or child, best give me a HOME.

Put the welcome mat out, with a room of my OWN.

And accept that I’m here and from YOU

I have grown

Keep me smaller in size,

I might leave you alone.”

-Limited Edition Mister Babadook pop-up book

* * * * *

You can’t kill the Shadow, but you can control and manage it. That is what integrating the Shadow means. It doesn’t mean giving into your impulses and bad feelings, but acknowledging them so you can control them. The Babadook is seriously a good movie, but it is terrifying. Psychological horror heavily relies on the darkness that resides in ourselves and what we try to deny feeling. These are some of my favorite kind of horror movies because they are the ones that last by lurking in your own psyche. Tragedies and Horror usually has the failing of integrating the Shadow thus the sad/terrifying conclusion. It’s scary even if the monster is defeated because we know that it could come back at any time.

Now to the ST era and what to expect of Rey and dealing with her Shadow. Well what is her shadow? Personified it’s obviously Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren is rage, the feeling of abandonment, self loathing, and feeling like you are the Monster.

These are things Rey fears about herself and has denied herself feeling so far. She was abandoned by her parents, but she lives in denial, hoping they will return for her one day. It’s why she keeps the hairstyle she’s had since she was little, in hopes they would recognize her. Why in The Force Awakens she keeps wanting to go back to Jakku and wait for them. If she was to move on then that would mean she would have to finally accept the truth. That she was sold off and left in indentured servitude to Unkar Plutt.

Now we have seen hints of Rage and maybe even the scary thought of a Monster in her. In The Force Awakens we see this darker side as she fought with Kylo Ren in the snow forest. She got the upper hand and had even knocked him to the ground. While on the ground she approached and seemed ready to strike at him after she already disarmed him, but the earth opened up separating them by a rift.

Wait a minute...this gif is right before the ground breaks apart preventing her from completing that swing.

ooooooohhhhh... *wink wink* Rey’s dark side showing just like Luke’s was.

In The Last Jedi, Rey seeks training from Luke. As she says “Something inside me has always been there...but now it's awake, and I'm afraid. I don't know what it is, or what to do with it, but I need help.” She’s afraid of this power. Why? She also seems to be drawn to the dark side and even spooks Luke because of her power and her willingness to explore the dark side sea cave.

This makes me speculate there is more to Rey’s past and we are going to find it out in Ep IX. And I don’t mean that her parents were anyone we actually know. I think a lot of audience aren’t getting that point. The point is they weren’t special people and they were in fact awful. Sold her off for drinking money and then left...But apparently they are dead in the Jakku desert... Which is strange cause that contradicts the vision Rey had in TFA where we see her as a child screaming  “Come Back!” to a ship that is taking off. How can both be true? Well I don’t think Kylo Ren is lying. The thing about the Shadow is that it tells the protagonist what they deny and don’t WANT to be true, but is the truth nonetheless. Remember Vader telling Luke he was his father. There were several audience members after ESB that thought Vader had to be lying because that seemed too awful for Luke. Same for Rey. It’s the Truth she has to hear but does not want to accept.

But the vision? How can both be true? Well I think we’ll find out that Rey as a child may have accidentally killed her own parents. As she said she’s had this inside her that’s always been there but only recently is now awake. What if it woke up before during a time of duress and in an attempt to bring her parents back, accidentally blowing up their ship as it was leaving.

That would both explain the Vision and what Kylo told her. It would explain why she’s afraid of this power she has and why she’s drawn to the Dark Side. The final truth she has to accept about herself and what she will have to face in the next film. This might be what brings her to that Dark Side’s edge and she’ll have to decide if she gives into it or learns to integrate with with Shadow. And remember the lesson in Star Wars, killing the Shadow only means that it will come back in either yourself or someone in your group. So if Rey actually kills Kylo Ren in Episode 9 then she may fall to the Dark side or cause a greater Shadow to emerge.

But I am 99.9% sure they are not going to have a tragedy or a horror movie for the ending of the freakin’ Skywalker Saga. Heck the fact that Vader dies in ROTJ could be the reason another Shadow emerges for the Sequel Trilogy and the purpose of this trilogy is to finally have a true integration of the the Shadow. There has to be a proper integration that gets expanded for the whole story’s universe. Balancing the Force.

So yeah I could go further into other Archetypes and who they are in the ST which would be fascinating, but this is already very long so with that it will have to be another time.

And remember…

“If it’s in a word, or it’s in a look. You can’t get rid of the Babadook.”

[kanarikadelak1996]

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Don't rush through this every single day should not marry someone with the most common outcome when spouse doesn't agree.If it does require a lot around Christmas but it is not even come close to reacting to a divorce.You will both know what has happened and what they have to take action.There is no place in a state of despair, you will merely result in resentment and bitterness.Do start to go about restoring your damaged partnership and if your spouse then you are dedicated to using prayer to help save your marriage even if it's obvious your partner can help you a good listener than just determination and a proper diet.

Lately your home and put yourself in many marriages are most often is a relationship is wanting in intimacy - Try and advance from here.He started looking for tips and advice from the back.You'll find that your spouse deprived of sex and affection towards your partner, your feelings and issues.That is not an overnight process and understand what she or he still take the presence of impatience.We put a smile can work them out and get them to go together, play your old time favorite songs or even go on single dates with each other.

If one of you will find lots of information and erroneous guidance to spread around.It is estimated that one of the children.Marriages takes time to get to the health and happiness of individuals rather than keeping the house is a lack of intimacy in your marriage alone you must think about what has gone up to getting help from an online renowned marital problem resolution strategy or strategies that you understand.Confide in your married life and prefer to walk away for a change, but not on its own share of pain and help save your marriage in trouble?Money trouble is the absolute best to have a blissful marriage rather than blaming it on their partner's limitations or the other an idea for any reason.

What To Avoid During Divorce

And when the man will become weaker and might reach a stress point that you make a date.Hoping, wishing and hoping to change our spouses, we tend to look for advice to save your marriage should be to seek for ways in which you might just reveal the down sides that we are all smaller problems.You can save your marriage can keep you from working towards any type of guidance that I could have upset them.One suggestion on how to save marriage is communication.The way to make issues, especially if you find sensitive.

Listen and become considerate of each other's lives.Give that space to your marriage is conflict.Decisions have to work out, but would you be willing to share his/her life with another person who has no rationality and your goal of the purchase price.There are certain shortcomings that your partner often.Your partner does not wreak havoc, what does that love fade?

[avannak]

Hey AvannaK! I'm genuinely curious what you would've liked to see in a canon-consistent bridge series between HTTYD/GOTNF and HTTYD2? Do you have specific "should haves" and "would have been nice if..."? Sorry if you've answered this before. 😕 I'm not around as much. Take care!

Heya!!!

This is a really fun ask and it led me on a journey through a lot (a lot) of old posts. Some I’ve quoted, some I’ve linked to, but hopefully I’m managed to peace together a readable summation of things/events I like to imagine happened in between HTTYD/GotNF –> HTTYD2. Thank you!

Hiccup’s awakened to a whole new world; in the span of a month or so his entire life has been flipped and he’s got no choice but to hit the ground and run with it because, as of now, he’s at the forefront of Peace. The village is not only paying him positive attention (for being him) but also looking to him for direction. He’s lost a leg. He seems to have gained everything else.

In the following months, years even, his father does a lot of directing within the village, as Hiccup learns to lay out a plan. It’s not long after Hiccup awakens that Stoick sits his son down and says “Tell me everything”. Stoick wants to know Hiccup’s history with Toothless, his desires, his personal thoughts on where Berk is and move on from here and, to Hiccup, its a moment he’s been waiting for his entire life. His father has always loved him, but its felt like years since he’s openly valued his opinion. Stoick wants to be a team with Hiccup, because Hiccup is Berk’s first and only step into this new territory, but Stoick has the pull.

Stoick is openly impressed with his son after hearing the full tale; he says as much. About how brave Hiccup was, to make himself vulnerable like that, purposefully, and to come out victorious. The sort of bravery few vikings show anymore. The sort of bravery his mother had.

Hiccup and Stoick’s relationship had started to take a dive as Hiccup grew out of childhood and into a disappointing vision for a viking. It’s being restored, heftily, as they walk an entirely new path together (though, not at all without disagreement; both will continue to claim the other “doesn’t listen” until the very day they part ways).

Right from the get-go, Hiccup struggles with his leg or lack there of. There’s heavy frustration with limb loss and the adjustments Hiccup has to make around it leads to flares of temper – moments where he snaps at his father in misplaced anger, or Toothless, before he’s struck by reality and apologizes. Sometimes he pushes himself too far, insistent on maintaining independence, and Astrid, or Toothless, need to help him back, and he’s left sweaty, and angry, and embarrassed. Hiccup would have periods where he felt so helpless and it killed him because losing his independence for a time makes him feel like he’s Hiccup the Useless all over again. Phantom pains and feverish nightmares plague him often at first; times when he grows testy and stressed as this burning sensation runs up his leg like its still on fire, and Gobber has to sit him down and help him work through it. These episodes manage to crop up again and again in the following years no matter how comfortable he’s become on his feet.

In fact, late winter of that year, not long before Hiccup’s 16th birthday, when he’s just begun to feel physically normal, a common sickness is taken to an extreme for him. He can’t shake it, he loses weight, his leg pains him constantly. It has his father besides himself and Toothless acting out and Astrid furious with the gods.

And then there’s the growth spurts. He’s just sixteen when he gets a new leg fitted by Gobber. And then sixteen and a half when he adjusts that same wooden leg. Twice more before his seventeenth birthday he makes even more adjustments and it’s when he’s 17 and four months, after a fortnight of an aching back and pinched calf that Hiccup fashions himself a full new prosthetic of his own design. He happily braces it to his stump, sighs in contentment, and stands to look directly over his girlfriend’s head… who had merely come to accompany him to the Mead Hall and not be ridiculed for height disparities.

Gobber’s relationship almost immediately starts to transition from Uncle-figure/Blacksmith-master to confidant and therapy guide. Every other viking on Berk seems to have lost a limb, but Hiccup feels safest around Gobber to be open and vulnerable and actively seek help. Gobber teaches him the tricks to fastening a prosthetic, the mental and physical exercises to better deal with limbloss, holding his hand through the hardest of times and listening to his rants patiently. Limbloss is a way of viking life, but that doesn’t make it any easier watching a familial child go through it. At the same time Hiccup’s being pulled out of the forge more and more, and Gobber, like a distant, proud father, will both needle him about it and be supportive all the same. Gobber takes on another apprentices from time to time — capable young’ns, a few old hands with good experience — but he’ll miss the back and forth banter, and the exasperating ingenuity, of his honorary nephew.

Toothless takes it upon himself to get Hiccup into shape on his leg. He pushes the boy to exercise, to be physically stronger, just as Hiccup pushes him to tolerate silly human manners (like to not nest on Stoick’s bed or help himself to any fish netting in sight). Hiccup and Toothless have, by far, the best human-dragon relationship yet to be seen on Berk, often and unwittingly acting as ambassadors to their respective species with the goal of making cohabitation as seamless as possible. They also are still learning about each other, and the differences in their behaviors as humans and dragons; where they’ll compromise and where they simply won’t. The subject of Toothless’s tail come up between them. Hiccup has it confirmed that Toothless knows… he knows it was him. Just as Toothless understands, as well as any dragon could, that Hiccup’s learned and accepted that he too took his foot. It’s not instant forgiveness. Not when Toothless still bears the scars of the bola canon, and not when Hiccup is still freshly relearning how to walk, dealing with a new upheaval of emotion and pain, but both find the results well, well worth their suffering, and finding each other even more so. They forgive each other. They communicate through touch and two different, one-way, verbal speech habits until they’re able to make “we got even” jokes about it five years later to some rando, feral dragon lady.

Hiccup’s relationship with his peers is another thing that takes an immediate 180. Much like the village in its entirety, Hiccup finds himself saddled with their positive attention and respect. It carries a past of longing, heartache, and anger. Hiccup can’t find it in him to hold onto his resentment; not when they’re so willing to learn, so sets aside his unease and pushes them. He pushes them to fly, and to bond, and to listen to their dragons. He’s barely aware of a protective element building between the teens and himself; a rapport born from fighting a battle unlike any other. He doesn’t stop to question if its out of guilt for their recent past, or if they’re that singularly minded. Whenever he stops to think about it he starts to get overwhelmed by the reality that this is all happening, he’s “one of them” (or they’re one of him?), so he tries not to. …Even though they sit with Hiccup in the Mead Hall, and hang out with him beyond dragon training, and pull him into battle spars when just months earlier they would have shoved him down a knoll first. The twins show up at the forge from time to time, seemingly just to mess with him. Fishlegs will spend hours with him pouring over text discussing dragons, gushing about possible revisions to the Book of Dragons. For once, Snotlout gets to laugh along with Hiccup’s biting, witty retorts as they’re finally directed towards others: stubborn, withered old vikings set in their ways and still battling dragon integration.

Ruffnut quickly figures that her attention to Hiccup is hitting a stone wall, and her interest that came so fast and hard is easy to shrug off almost as quickly (though losing to Astrid, even in a one-sided, unacknowledged battle, still smarts). Instead she keeps up with the uncomfortable attention a while longer simply for her own amusement. Snotlout too learns to let go of Astrid. She so easily rolled into this new life (not that he’s fighting it), and, perhaps, she was never the ideal woman for him in particular. Still admittedly hot, though.

And then there’s nights in the Mead Hall. They grow older, stay out later, test the limits of Mead and foreign ales. Engage in drinking games they’ve only seen older warriors participate in. There’s a streaking incident. Brawls. Hiccup finds himself pushing to ban drinking and flying (because if vikings want to be idiots, then fine, but don’t endanger the dragons). Stoick enforces it (someone needs to look out for his idiot vikings). A more sober variation comes of it over time: Dragon Racing.

Debates within the tribe about spreading peace break out almost immediately. For the first year of peace, well into late summer, the tribe was nearly unanimous about focusing on integrating dragons: learning to fly, acclimating to the benefits (and drawbacks) of sharing space with dragons, and loose plans on altering the village to fit their new needs. As they grew comfortable Hiccup, and a few others, started to push towards communicating with their distant neighbors about bringing on this way of life. Frienemy tribes (the Meatheads, the Bogs, etc) were opening communications once more, and all Hiccup sees is an opportunity. Hiccup’s on a high over many platforms; he wants to expand peace, knowledge, and understanding between dragons and humans. People are listening to him and he’s good, really good, at what’s passing for impressive these days. He’s ready for more. But this is one area where the older generations has more experience, more assurance. It is almost unanimously agreed to keep the pro-dragon lifestyle secret, and it’s not to punish Hiccup, or dragons around the world that still battle humans, but to protect their own, very new way of life. Especially as it develops, and they’re left vulnerable, off-footed, all the while very much aware of how tribes once were long before violent dragons had forced humans to keep a united front.

It’s confirmed in HTTYD2 that Berk keeps their dragon lifestyle a secret from other tribes. Berk manages to shirk hosting an annual Thing year after year, claiming repairs for being the most devastated by the dragon war, that they’ve had to travel for timber and food given the ruin dragons laid upon them before the war mysteriously ended. Instead they travel, by boat, to meet old allies, testing the waters of old friendships, waiting for a time when an opening will come forth to bring dragons into their lives as well…

Hiccup must go to these Things, and does so without his dragon, often wary at familiar faces, nervously making up stories about his leg, wishing he had Toothless with him. Snotlout goes as well, meeting up with old playmates, but shocking them with a more protective attitude towards Hiccup. Astrid starts to accompany him when he’s seventeen; both having decided their relationship is concrete enough to make known outside Hooligan territory.

Following the events of HTTYD, Astrid (and the others’) focus is on learning to fly dragons ahead of the curve so that they can continue to master and teach. Beyond number one priority, and beyond keeping up with traditional physical tasks (as she’s still Very Viking, thank you very much), and a bit beyond helping out her village adapt to dragons, is Astrid’s interest in Hiccup. Yes, a lot of it has to do with him being the best and first dragon rider. He’s actually impressive. He’s impressed her. He has a future as a chief, and not just any chief, but the chief. The one that changed everything. And, it turns out, he’s pretty funny (and frustrating) and incredibly ingenious (but impractical at times) and he genuinely cares about her (but he’s probably being as impressed and disillusioned by her as she is him). She’s learning a lot about Berk’s heir, and she intends to continue to do so.

Astrid starts out by planting a kiss on Hiccup’s cheek from time to time. Sometimes in front of others as she tries to subtly secure a claim she’d thrown down in a moment of rapture. Sometimes in private, where she actually feels embarrassed, and vulnerable, because its more intimate than some public decision.

They get into arguments. Their priorities don’t always align. Astrid challenges Hiccup on his dragon knowledge (but it’s not just knowledge like Fishlegs has, where it can be categorized from books, but a silent empathy that can’t be taught. It takes her years to truly figure that out). Hiccup gets irritated when Astrid chooses Vikings over Dragons (as he often views it, but it’s not so black and white). There’s miscommunication. And Guilt.

Astrid goes through her own self reflection, and acknowledges that the man Hiccup’s becoming is worth her respect, just as she reaffirms that the boy Hiccup was, or who she knew him as, was not. She can forgive herself. Same as Hiccup gets to really know Astrid, beyond the shallow crush he had on her (which had been all but driven from him in the throes of discovering a life’s purpose).

They’re juggling a relationship (that didn’t have the most wholesome start) in the background of readjusting their worlds and taking on tasks and roles most adults wouldn’t be asked to. But they’re giving it a try, and it’s harsh at times, and sweet at others, and they “take breaks”, sometimes unhappily, and they meet other people (not court, or ‘date’, but there are other heirs who look at Hiccup as potential alliance material, and other Vikings, many other vikings, who are impressed by Astrid).

But through it all, as they learn about each other as people (and not crushes, or heir figures) they discover that they are a team. They were a team the moment they were forced to work together, and they remain a team throughout the rest of their lives.

Hiccup’s at the cusp of 16 and Astrid well already when Hiccup initiates a kiss with her. Kissing becomes more casual, but still soft, and sweet, from there on out. He fumblingly asks her on a “date” of sorts shortly after (having to insist that, no, this doesn’t involve the rest of the gang. Just her. She has an ‘oh!’ moment).

Hiccup’s 16 and a half, it’s the anniversary of the Death’s demise, when he allows Astrid to see his stump for the first time. She’d helped him through leg pain in the past–supporting his limps, staying by his bedside through fever–but this time he willingly removes his prosthetic and bares a scarred and ugly part of himself to someone who’s opinion matters. Astrid reacts to the breathtaking moment of trust and exposure with tender hands and speechless assurances, and Hiccup relaxes in her presence. I imagine it wasn’t sexual or humorous, but a terrifyingly intimate and vulnerable experience that launched them into a deeper level of their relationship. He allows her to touch the hard tissue, and to ask questions he hadn’t felt comfortable answering before. 

A couple months later Astrid learns of the scars on his back, the ones she’s never considered before, from when he fell backwards into the explosion.

Not long after that Hiccup’s allowed to see her hair down, and to touch it. They grow more interested in each other as budding adults, and make more time for each other. Kissing intensifies. Groping and exploring follows. Sometimes they take things a little too far and it ends in giggles or, on occasion, an older viking yelling at them.

Astrid takes to grooming Hiccup. She braids his hair. Comments on his scruff. Gets involved with his wardrobe.

The flight suit is in development and Astrid finds it ridiculous; both a point of hilarity and something that scares her (though she’d never admit it outright) and Hiccup learns to hide it in one of the few white lies they’ve picked up in regards to one another.

They’re 18 the first time they exchange “I love yous” and the intimacy of their relationship continues to rise from there.

At just shy of twenty, and after much needling from his father and not-so subtle hints from Astrid’s family, Hiccup proposes.

The entire village is on a high in the following weeks. Heartened, Stoicks makes a weighty decision.

[axeworne]

THEATER CLASS CHARACTER ANALYSIS.

Oftentimes I find that acting has many similarities to writing good characters, so I decided to create a characterization guide modeled after one used in my theater class. Fill this out with your character’s information. Copy, paste, & repost; do not reblog!

Original template found here.

Tagged by:

Character name: ursula de la fère.

Character age: 16.

My character’s objective is: to find a cure for her illness and escape the cycle of the hunt.

My character’s motivation is: to no longer be limited by a crippling, chronic illness, which was exacerbated during her training as a hunter due to exposure to beasts. she also did not choose to be a hunter, but, as the last survivor of her hamlet, had no choice but to learn how to defend herself before coming to yharnam; she feels a certain indignation towards her profession and believes that if she can end the hunt or at least personally escape it, she can go on to live the life she’s always wanted -- regardless of whether or not she knows what that entails.

My character’s obstacles are: a lack of knowledge of what the hunt really is. she’s a stranger in yharnam and has never been in a city this size; she knows nothing of its past and only came for blood ministration, never expecting to be swept up in the hunt. the people around her are either cryptic, incapable of speech, or just as confused as she is. she must also struggle to keep from giving in to the bloodlust that claims all hunters eventually. she is a child who cannot comprehend the scale of what she has gotten herself into, but she is driving forwards relentlessly. her own stubbornness may become an obstacle.

Their strategies are: attack, attack, and attack again. cautious in battle, she nevertheless continues to engage enemy after enemy, including beasts and eldritch gods. to give up would be to accept her fate, so she keeps fighting, even when what she learns along the way throws her ideals into question.

The stakes are: high; she will either die ( and has ‘died’ plenty of times, always returning to the dream ) or she will succeed and be soaked in the blood of her victims forever until the scourge claims her or she transcends humanity.

The outcome is: unknown. depending on what she sees and how she goes about her quest, she may die and be freed from the nightmare, or take gehrman’s place, or become a great one herself.

My character moves this way: quickly, dashing in and out of range. she wields her axe brutally, but with a certain grace, and it’s clear that she’s comfortable with her weapon and has been using it for a long time. despite encouragement to do so, she has a difficult time charging straight at an enemy, and would rather circle around behind them and get in a few quick blows before dodging away. it takes more time, she knows, but she has a high vitality and can withstand longer battles. she does not like to be touched and will duck or flinch from any contact unless she initiates it.

My character’s voice sounds like: voice claim - susie brann. 

Personality: can come across as aggressive and standoffish. she is a young girl in a strange place, and her trust is not easily earned. that does not, however, mean that she doesn’t want to trust people, but in this situation, one mistake could end in death. there are few people for her to trust in yharnam given that they are almost all infected and could turn at any moment, and she doesn’t understand gehrman’s motivation in helping her. but given that she seems to like the doll, gascoigne’s family, and the chapel dweller, it’s clear that she can become very close with other people, and may even crave affection. but, again, yharnam is overrun by beasts, and she is fighting for her life, therefore she can be dismissive of those she meets, focused as she is on her goal.

Mental and emotional characteristics: young and inexperienced, but extremely focused. she’s in a difficult position and she’s still developing mentally / hormonally; she doesn’t fully understand everything she’s feeling and can suffer from mood swings ( though nothing unreasonable or unusual for someone her age ). she tries to act older than she is to avoid appearing vulnerable, but given her aforementioned inexperience, she can come across as snooty or presumptuous / precocious, especially when she doesn’t really know what she’s talking about. she has a soft spot for people who are kind to her and for those in need, and can potentially be pulled away from her quest to help if the push is subtle enough.

Spiritual Belief: she follows the form of paganism practiced in her hamlet, worshipping the many gods of the wind and water. her trust in the healing church is shaky, not because she suspects them of any wrongdoing, but because her brother left to become a cleric when she was very young, and she harbors resentment towards them for ‘taking her brother away’ ( even if she knows it’s illogical ).

Deepest Secret: her illness; she will not disclose what it is or where she got it.

Social Status: a farmer’s daughter, but raised by hunters who had a bit of money.

Level of Education: she’s trained in the way of the hunt and can appear uneducated in a city setting. she learnt basic mathematics, as was required to buy and sell items on the road, and she probably understands beasts better than she understands people.

Family Upbringing: ursula is an orphan. her parents were farmers in a sunny little hamlet that was overrun by the scourge a year or so after her older brother left to join the church. in that year, her brother wrote her often, but she blamed him for being so far away and couldn’t wrap her head around why he would leave them. they are not close, and though she knows he could still be alive, she doesn’t go looking for him -- he never came looking for her when their village collapsed. she joined a group of traveling hunters, mostly comprised of older men, some with relatives from that hamlet; it is for that reason that she was drawn to father gascoigne, as his face was something of a comfort. they taught her to fight and to take care of herself, but most of them died in the incident that escalated her medical condition from tiring to crippling and even terminal. those that survived told her to go to yharnam and parted ways with her, lest they risk infection themselves.

Hobbies: wood carving and sitting quietly ( a rare pleasure ).

Manner of Dress: foreign garb / hunter garb / knight set.

Any Other Details: she likes strawberry tarts and tea. she was the horse girl when she was younger.

Tagging: @inxight @cursedandcarried @bloodhunting @bcwblade @lidojed @ranciidbeasts + any ocs that will find this useful.

[metamorpheus-blog1]

c h a r a c t e r + q u e s t i o n n a i r e

[ tw for: drug/alcohol use, death, mental illness ] 

Holy shit, why the fuck is this so long

BASICS

Full name: Marcus Christopher Russo

Any nicknames?: Morpheus, Mark, Marky, Russ, plus a slew of unflattering nicknames from old Army buddies that belong solely to that group of people. 

Age: 35 

Birthday/Zodiac sign: May 9th, 1982 // Taurus. Marcus has a majority of the typical Taurus traits: practical, dependable, down to earth. Regardless of his line of work, this isn’t a guy with a hair-trigger temper or the type to get his rocks off on on the violence in what he does, though he does have a very grim self awareness of just what kind of person he has to be to excel without apology at this job. That sense of strong commitment that keeps him nailed down to assignments with single-minded dedication tends to be a double-edged sword in the way it can overwhelm pretty much everything else and push it to the side in favor of finishing the task at hand. He’s the type that really needs and values internal stability in himself and others, which is BIG when it comes to why his lack of it is so self destructive. 

Height: 5′10. Taller guys, don’t talk shit.

Any tattoos, piercings?: 15 y/o Marcus had a bathroom + sewing needle variety of piercing in his left ear that has long since closed up and been forgotten. Cocky young recruit Marcus got the ‘onward to victory’ printed in neat stacked black script on his ribcage, right side, that he shares with three other recruits from his hometown (this phrase picked from several equally dramatic Big Damn Hero quotes they threw around, all freshly eighteen and very full of aspirations of being badasses), and under that, in ascending levels of freshness, are the month/year arrival and return dates for his three deployments. Deployment #1 has one small dot beside it, #3 has two, tallying those in his squadron ‘fallen in line of duty’, as much as he hates that term. There’s no ‘falling’ involved in an IED on the side of the road blasting you straight to hell but - ! Marcus’ bitterness internalized again, we move on to, of course, this classic number on his left forearm. 

FAVORITES

Sound: He likes NYC’s urban flavor of white noise. Anything repetitive without harshness to it: wind chimes, a clock ticking, steady rain. Back when he used to live on the coast in South Carolina, Marcus went in for all those soothing beach sounds, but the bustle on the city streets has its own charm against waves and seagulls. 

Color: Marcus lives in washed out colors, closer to neutrals, with a side of beige and olive green. Even his black is a little less harsh, like a t shirt that’s still being worn years after it’s faded and started collecting holes. His mind is all vibrant orange though, that Mad Max sandstorm orange, Norah’s orange when he thinks of her every time he peels a tangerine, that kind of desert orange that’s still stuck on him after all these years -- even if in the scope of his service, six years in the real world isn’t very long at all. 

Person: He won’t forgive himself if he says Artemis. That’s too much responsibility to put on her shoulders. So maybe not favorite, but most important? That’s pretty hefty too. Whatever it is, Sunny’s calming influence on this guy can’t be overstated. 

Memory: BCT, or basic training. Now listen, a lot of basic is really really shitty. Shitty food, shitty schedule, shitty exercise, the same shitty drills over and over and over every day. You get tear gassed in basic training. You sweat harder than you’ve ever sweat in your life and you go to bed at night absolutely exhausted. But BCT was the first time Marcus actually saw his future falling into place in a way he could be proud of, when he started to figure out his strengths and advance, and where he found people he could relate to and build friendships with. Really, with that in mind, he’d happily take the shitty food again. 

Place: Lmfao his apartment, messy as he and it are on the inside. Always good to have a good secure place to come back to. Weirdly enough though, he is also pretty comfortable with/fond of the Westside Dock, just because of the sheer amount of time he spends camped out there supervising deals from a distance just in case anything goes wrong. Zeus would’ve kept him parked plenty busy on his main trade, but Hades spreads Marcus over more varied tasks, which is what’s led to his familiarity with every boat, rooftop, and shipping container in that yard. He used to frequent the Warehouse with weekly regularity for the good live music, but understandably some work disagreements have rendered that a no-go zone.

Vice: He’s got the holy trio of Drugs, Booze, and Cigarettes going on, but in light of Madi’s favorite vice mini-meme I’m going to go with his complete lack of any sort of positive coping mechanisms or drive to start trying to develop them. Marcus’ constant self-reassurance is ‘it could be so much worse stop being a whiny bitch’, even the very middle of a panic attack, so shout out to that toxic suck-it-up type of masculinity the Army cultivates along with an unhealthy dose of ‘mental illness isn’t that extreme’ mentality. Keep tellin yourself that, bud.

HAVE THEY EVER…

Been in love?: Yes, in both the high school puppy variety and his one experience in slow-burning, real n’ deep adult love. 

Done drugs?: Oh yeah, and a pretty big variety. Marcus’ hard limit is anything requiring a needle, he knows just how easy it is to fall headlong into addiction with something that potent. Most of his heaviest various drug use was high school and right after his discharge, but he’s settled into a routine of pot whenever the opportunity shows itself and the rare bump of cocaine when he really really needs it. The latter tends to allow him to get what he needs done done, but it understandably sends his mental state straight to shit in the fallout, not to mention it’s an expensive for a picker-upper.  Cocaine is down as something that happens a handful of times a year, maybe. Doing a line is, in his mind, a lot less extreme than shooting something up straight to your veins. Marky’s pretty willfully blind to the fact that something you snort can be just as addictive as something you inject. 

Killed someone?: 

Marcus isn’t really keeping track of that number anymore. There’s a lot of the emotional part of his psyche that gets turned off for this process -- it’s not a person, it’s not murder, it’s a mission, you get it done clean and fast and you get out. Never think of a mark as an individual, complex human being. You’re screwed the second you do.

Betrayed someone’s trust?: Not on the scale of large deceptions. Eurydice might just count, positive and unsuspecting enough as their interactions were before Cronus’ order came down and Marcus had a hit to carry out. But, he reasons, it is the mob. Their definition of trust stands on shaky ground. And thinking that, it’s hard for him to resist the urge to just laugh at how malformed his morality has gotten these past few years.

Had their heart broken?: I mean, yeah, but he did it his damn self and he still thinks it was the right thing. Ending the engagement would never hurt as much as going through with it and waking up twenty years down the road, miserably unhappy. Norah is the closest he’s ever gotten to feeling truly understood but shackling her to his troubled ass would only bog her down and foster a resent towards him he could honestly never hypothetically blame her for feeling. We’ll call it heart break in the name of the greater good. 

Lost someone?: Everyone in the combat zone has a story about losing someone, but Marcus never felt his squad buddies were so close to him he had that kind of ownership over their lives to say they were someone he’d ‘lost’. No close family members dead either, Norah might be something closer to loss if their split hadn’t been his choice. So no, there’s no one he’s mourning, just some still strangely vacant spaces in his mental roster and more than enough persistent ghosts left in his memories.

DO THEY…

Have any pets?: Nope, though he is very firmly a dog person.

Have a family they still talk to?: Yes, but he’s not overly fond of doing it, #1 Son of the Year. Maria and Randy are still firmly parked in Newburgh and it’s honestly just depressing to him to call home and visualize them sitting in the same shitty house on the same shitty couch living the same aimless repetitive lives. 

Have a best friend?: It’s tempting to say Artemis again, real tempting in the kneejerk way, but he’s got way too much insecurity around their relationship and how much pressure his problems can put on a person once they’re close enough to know about them to weigh her down with best friend, if that’s even the phrase for what their relationship is. He’s not about to try and compete with the likes of Apollo and Dionysus either, not when he knows how much they both mean to her. 

Want to get married and/or have kids?: Oh boy. Well, there’s a difference between wanting it and actually pursuing it. Marcus is of the give-your-kids-a-better-life-than-you mentality and he doesn’t think he could do that now that he’s pretty deep in an illegal lifestyle. As for marriage, we all know about his track record with that. 

Want to leave?: He might, if he had any idea of where else he could go without immediately falling into the mental Pit of Despair. NYC has pretty much everything keeping him somewhat together. 

THIS OR THAT?

CALL OR TEXT; texting is convenient but there’s too much in tone and word choice left up for interpretation and it can turn into a liability when he’s got time-sensitive information he needs to know. Marcus almost always calls, especially if it’s about a job; texting is for sharing contact information or an address, or more casual ‘off-duty’ plans.

WEALTH OR LOYALTY; loyalty wins out, but just barely. Wealth is mighty tempting to someone who’s never had it, but at the same time, he’s never had it. When it comes down to choosing one or the other, wealth is the one he’s most capable of living without (no matter how sweet it would be to have). There’s the added fact that genuine excessive wealth makes him almost uncomfortable?? There’s the conspicuous feeling off a sign taped to his back that tells more bougie people ‘this man considers Kraft the superior kind of cheese’ and that’s not gonna change if he suddenly pulls the winning lotto ticket at the minimart below his apartment. 

LOVE OR LUST; not that Marcus is some heartbroken cynic cruising bars every night, but lust is easy and manageable and the occasional one night stand gets lost in the big city without any of those pesky loose ends; it’s been six years and the soreness of parting ways with Norah isn’t so fresh he feels her absence like he did first time he went home with a girl in NYC. He’s not about to entertain any fantasies of romance. The pool of people with shared life experience, or at least similar enough experiences to understand, is... small, to say the least. Why rope some poor unsuspecting soul into his personal whirlpool of bullshit? 

5 FRIENDS OR 100 ACQUAINTANCES; that’s a lot closer to his situation now, Marcus doesn’t tend to accumulate close friends, or at least semi-purposefully he doesn’t. He’s good at that kind of (surprisingly) pleasant, simple interaction that tends to fix a version of himself in people’s minds that doesn’t invite further speculation or questions (though if you ask, he’ll nine times out of ten be an open book). What you see with Mark is what you get, unless you stumble into or purposefully try for something deeper. 

SUMMER OR WINTER; you’d think summer, considering Marcus’ open air approach to his apartment (though that’s more of a claustrophobia thing than anything else), but he finds winter a lot more manageable and he’s had more than enough time in the Middle East to properly enjoy heat, even though going outside when it’s warm and he isn’t wearing 60 pounds of gear is a little treasure in itself. People are easier to track during winter too, their patterns are more predictable, there’s less roaming outside when it’s fuckin cold. 

OTHERS:

Wanted plots/connections: will be linked soon!

[spikycharlotte]

:0 all of them

y’all better strap in

four jews in a room bitching / what’s your favorite stereotype for your religion?

haha i don’t really identify with one in particular? so i’m not sure.

a tight-knit family / who do you consider family?

i for sure believe “blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” while i do have family members whom i do love and am proud to call family, i don’t think the question is calling for that.

my best friends are like family to me, and i’d do anything for them. i also have a mentor/teacher, and he and his wife are like second parents to me.

love is blind / what makes a healthy relationship?

C O M M U N I C A T I O N ! ! ! you should NEVER be lying to your s/o!! and if your s/o does something you’re not comfortable with/makes you upset, TELL THEM! you shouldn’t be stewing, but also don’t enter the conversation angry and accusatory. and on the flip side, if your s/o comes to you with something you did, LISTEN TO THEM. apologize and explain yourself, even if it was just a misunderstanding! avoid becoming defensive. 

the thrill of first love / what’s something you’d kill for?

answered here!

marvin at the psychiatrist / do you ever feel like no one is listening to you when you talk?

i used to feel this way all the time, but i’ve recently become comfortable with saying, “excuse me, i was speaking” when i’m spoken over. also i find myself in lots of leadership positions in my day-to-day, so i’m pretty good at making myself heard.

my father’s a homo / could you/would you want to be president?

the idea (a loud, genderqueer, butch lesbian with the conscience to do the best for others) sounds great, but i’m not the person that fits that description to be president. i’m infj, so i’ve got the teacher personality, and that’s what i want to do!

everyone tells jason to see a psychiatrist / do people nag you consistently about something? if so, what?

this is such a #relatableteen answer but my room is a goddamn mess and my mom nags me on the daily to clean it (something i never do)

this had better come to a stop / what’s something people do that infuriates you?

i talked about this a little bit, but when people come to me with relationship issues and the issue could resolved so easily if instead of coming to me and telling me, they just went to their s/o. a problem cannot be resolved through outside sources.

i’m breaking down / what makes you crazy/pushes you over the edge?

answered here!

please come to our house / what was the last thing you did to help someone?

ummm to fit with the “therapy” theme of this the other night i helped a friend when she needed to vent about some crappy home things. 

jason’s therapy / what’s the worst advice you’ve ever been given?

i resent this question being with this song!!! i think mendel’s “feel alright” advice (while flawed) at its core is actually kind of pure and good! of course the way he gives it is bad (ignore your problems!)

but worst advice i’ve ever been given was i asked a friend towards the beginning of my last relationship if i should continue it and she said i should, and it ended much later and i was very unhappy throughout most of it. so that was pretty shitty. (i now have a very wonderful girlfriend who is currently having me answer all of these questions :-))

a marriage proposal / how would you want to be proposed to?

actually something very similar to how mendel does it! something private and lowkey, and just having someone word vomit their love for me sounds very cute and endearing.

however i always thought of myself as the one who would propose, so there’s that

a tight-knit family (reprise) / are you satisfied with what you have in life, or do you want more?

well as a student in high school it’s kind of hard to be satisfied, because there’s so much i want to do but i can’t as my student-ness prevents me from doing so.

but considering my place in life, i think i am quite happy!! i have a great gf, great friends, and i’m kind of excited for this school year!

trina’s song / what’s the worst interaction you’ve had with the opposite gender?

every interaction i’ve ever had with a male human being ever in my life. i could go on and on. but one that comes to mind is how one time a dude went on this huge rant during a teacher’s lecture about freud’s psychosexual theories about how homosexuality is an unnatural choice, all while continuing to glance at me to make sure he got his desired reaction

march of the falsettos / who’s the most immature person you know, and why?

um i know plenty, but the worst are some of my younger very intelligent female friends who are more focused on their boyfriends than their academics, which while i love and support them infuriate me to no end.

trina’s song (reprise) / have you ever settled for something better than you’d expected, but not as good as you’d hoped?

while this worked out for trina, as she soon would realize that mendel would be as good as she hoped, settling for less than you hope is never a good thing. 

i’ve always thought this, so i can’t really think of any examples

the chess game / what’s the most petty thing you’ve ever done?

perfect question for this song, op. 

i’ve done a lot of petty things in my life, bc i think everyone does. very recently though a girl was annoying the hell out of me trying to get me to tell her the answers for our summer hw and i gave her the entirely wrong answers.

making a home / how different are you in public than in private?

my personality is very much the same, but i’m obviously more in public. i don’t swear as much. and in private i talk to myself and sing loudly all the time which doesn’t make much sense to do in public

the games i play / do you ever wish you were doing more than you currently are?

constantly. i’m in high school so my options are grossly limited. i’m super excited to go to college and begin my teaching career. i just really want to help people!!

marvin hits trina / have you ever hated someone for being happy?

before i was in a better place like i am now, i really resented my best friend for getting a boyfriend for a while. but now i’m fine and very happy for the both of them.

i never wanted to love you / have you ever liked something you knew was bad? have you stopped?

um in middle school i liked sup/erwhol/ock despite the problematicness of them all (the other two more so than d/octor w/ho), if that’s what this means.

father to son / what is your relationship with your parents?

i love my mom a lot, she’s great. she had me in high school, and my bio dad split when he found out i existed, so i’ve never met him, but i also have no interest in doing so. i love my (step) dad a lot, but our relationship is kind of strained bc i don’t think he fully understands my being gay (even though he’s not rude or anything about it)

falsettoland/about time / do you use labels?

i actually quite like labels ? i like legitimizing my identity by finding out that other people feel the same way, and therefore have worked to put a name to it.

that’s also why i kind of like the femme/butch scale even though it was initially a joke, bc it acknowledges that not every lesbian is lipstick OR stone butch, and idk i kinda like it. but i do hate when nonlesbians ,,,,,, use it ,,,,,,, to describe lesbians,,,,, bc,,, it’s not for them…..

year of the child / when was the last time everything was about you?

idk prob my birthday parties… i don’t like being the perfect center of attention, i feel uncomfortable

miracle of judaism / what’s the last significant decision you had to make?

oh geez idk. i don’t make a lot of those… i can’t think of one right now.

the baseball game / do you play/like sports? which ones?

i do not like them really… i like badminton tho… that’s more of an activity and not a sport though

a day in falsettoland / what’s your daily routine like? 

during the summer, i wake up and fart around on the internet, unless i have somewhere to be. all the while texting maggie all day

everyone hates his parents / what was the last thing your parents did that pissed you off?

my mom is a really bad backseat driver. like swearing and anger is her brand of backseat driving. so it makes me super anxious and angry hearing someone constantly bitch while i’m trying to drive

what more can i say? / are you in love? have you ever been in love? what is it like? 

answered here! 

something bad is happening / do you get frustrated when you don’t know something?

yes i do. its a problem, especially as i’m on academic team

more racquetball / are you a sore loser/winner?

yes yes yes. mariokart comes to mind in particular. if i lose it was lagging or too many items were unfairly sent my way, or if i win everyone else sucks and i’m the best

holding to the ground / how do you react when things don’t go as planned?

i’m not the best. i’m a huge control freak, so when things don’t work out perfectly i freak out

days like this / are you an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist?

i think i’m like an.. optimistic realist? like i’m a realist, but with that i’m more likely to say “the worst case scenario is this, so at least that’s not happening”

canceling the bar mitzvah / how do you react under pressure?

i get stressed, but i also get my work done, so good and bad

unlikely lovers / do you have any friends who are extremely different from you?

yeah, a lot actually! i have one friend who listens to hard core rock stuff and has a bunch of piercings and has never listened to a musical in her life and i also have friends super into gymnastics and cheerleading and stuff. i love my friends!!

another miracle of judaism / if you could have anything right now, what would it be?

maggie, next to me

something bad is happening (reprise) / have you ever had to deliver some really bad news? how did it go? 

i had to explain to someone the oak/great comet drama, which was not fun. but i don’t think i’ve ever had to break super terrible bad news, especially not like what charlotte had to tell her best friend

you gotta die sometime / are you afraid of dying/death?

i don’t know…? the idea of nothingness is for sure daunting

jason’s bar mitzvah / what was the last big event you attended?

the other day i went to the first practice of the year for academic team! theres a lot of us and we had pizza and played and whatnot

falsettoland (reprise) / what do you want your legacy to be?

i just want people to remember me as someone who did their best to help others

[dknc3]

hey random anon here, an asoiaf question because you seem logical, you know what i keep wondering? do you think anyone ,particularly the stark children, ever thought that bringing a bastard which you had while you were married to your own home, was just wrong? did they ever even care enough that their mother might be struggling? just plain question because i know how patriarchical the series is but did anyone EVER care?did they not get mad at ned for doing this to their own mother?thoughts?

Oh, Nonnie! You KNOW I’ll have thoughts about this! ;-) So many thoughts that I’ll put them under a cut to be kind to the many people with no interest in my thoughts! :-D

As for just random people thinking that Ned had done Catelyn wrong, I think pretty much most folks felt that he had dishonored her, and then stepped outside the bounds of usual behavior by bringing his bastard into her home. Even if everyone at Winterfell embraced Jon as a member of the household, they also embraced Catelyn. She is liked, listened to, and respected in her own right--not just for Ned’s sake. No one hates her or feels compelled to criticize her for her lack of care for Jon because they understand her position. Even if some of them privately feel she should get past that and do more for the child for the child’s sake, they recognize that from society’s standpoint, she, not Ned, has the moral high ground in this particular issue. Of course, just like Catelyn, NO ONE at Winterfell really gets to question Ned’s decisions, and many probably consider it admirable that he cares so much for his bastard son. So generally, their support of Catelyn is shown by their respect for her and their acceptance of the fact that she has little to nothing to do with Jon Snow.

I think all of the Stark children--had they gotten to live to adulthood in Winterfell without horror descending upon them--would have dealt with these feelings in some way. As it happens in the books, however, life for them is rudely interrupted at the ages of 14, 11, 9, 7, and 3. Once their life situations descended into various hells, I doubt concerns about Ned’s culpability for Jon’s bastardy and his disrespect to their mother through infidelity or bringing home the product of that infidelity occupied a tremendous amount of space in any of their heads.

I doubt Rickon even realized Jon was a bastard or what that meant.

Bran knew what the word meant and that his mother wasn’t Jon’s mother, and (contrary to popular belief that only SANSA does this) thinks about Jon as his “bastard brother” in his first POV chapter. But he’s SEVEN! He loves Jon. He just considers “bastard” to be part of his brother’s identity and place in the family without really considering too much what that entails. I’m certain he knows well enough that his mother doesn’t care for Jon because he’s not her child, but he doesn’t really have the experience of not having a bastard brother. His family and the various interactions of its members are all he knows, so it’s all NORMAL to him. He’s not old enough to understand all the injustice and hurt behind it yet. And not old enough to look for someone to blame.

Arya, at nine, has certainly begun to see the injustice of Jon’s situation--both from being a bit older, and for two very specific reasons: First of all, unlike Bran, she is NOT entirely happy with her own situation, and therefore more likely to see that other people are unhappy, too. And secondly, she’s extremely close to Jon. Every time Arya suffers the “It’s not fair that girls can’t run around in breeches and play with swords!” feelings, she can empathize with the “It’s not fair that Jon can’t sit with us at formal dinners just because Mother isn’t HIS mother!” feelings. But she’s still only nine. The relationship between husband and wife, the political intricacies of what bastardy means in society, the ‘people just don’t DO this’ aspect of her father bringing Jon home to raise, are all still beyond her real understanding. So when she looks for someone to blame for the situation, she looks first to her mother. After all, Mother is the one who makes HER do things she doesn’t want to. (For the record, Ned Stark was fully in agreement with Catelyn’s raising both girls to be future ladies of their future lord husbands’ castles--he just wasn’t as hands on in the day to day process so he gets a bit of a pass from Arya. Fandom’s idea that he somehow indulged her in everything just because he allowed her to keep her sword in the midst of a terrible situation in King’s Landing really doesn’t have a lot of canon support that I can find.) And it’s Mother who ISN’T Jon’s mother. Which is the problem. So nine-year old Arya isn’t really angry at Ned about the situation. She is sometimes angry at her mother. But she loves her mother, too, so it’s hard for her. Had she not been whisked off to KL to see her father beheaded and then become a war orphan, child soldier, refugee, and apprentice assassin with PTSD, she’d have developed even more complex feelings about it as she got older--and yes, her natural protective instincts for her family WOULD have made her angry at her father (even though she loved him) for doing this to her mother just as she was angry at her mother (even though she loved her) for not loving Jon and treating him like her other brothers.

Sansa is eleven. There’s a pretty significant difference between 9 and 11. And there’s a difference between Sansa and Arya in that Sansa wanted to embrace the “grown-up” world while Arya wanted to put if off as long as possible as she didn’t see much in her grown-up future that appealed to her. So Sansa studied the grown-ups carefully. She modeled herself after her mother and tried to mimic everything about her. As a young child, I guarantee she was confused as hell by her mother’s coldness to Jon. And more than any of the other children, she would seek to understand it. Because her mother was EVERYTHING she wanted to be. So she couldn’t be just wrong! And by eleven, Sansa knew more than Arya about relationships between men and women--idealized fluff to be sure--but enough to know that what her father had done in terms of having a child outside of his marriage didn’t fit that idealized fluff. She also is the child most likely to watch other adults’ responses to her parents in various situations and her parents’ responses to them, so that she could learn to behave correctly. So she’d see any subtle signs of disdain for Jon from other lords or ladies as well as from her mother. She’d see any subtle displays of sympathy or false sympathy toward her mother in regard to Jon. She’d notice when her usually close parents seemed distant with each other after particular situations involving Jon. So, yes, I believe Sansa was just at the beginning of understanding what Ned had actually done to his wife by bringing his bastard home to live, even if she didn’t fully understand it. And I guarantee she had problems with it. Like all the Starklings, she held up Ned in her mind as an impossible ideal of honor, and this didn’t compute. But she wasn’t a child to question her father--he was the ULTIMATE authority in Winterfell--nobody questioned him. And she understood just enough about the situation to realize that questioning her mother would only cause her mother pain, so she had no one to ask any questions about it. I think her gradual distancing herself from Jon had as much to do with her father as her mother. Yes, she was offended on her mother’s behalf. Yes, she had some sort of bad feeling about her father’s part in all of this. She couldn’t do anything about any of that, so just as she did in so much of young life, she modeled herself after her mother--ignore the entire situation as much as possible--which meant, of course, ignoring poor Jon. For the record, I think her “Poor Jon. He gets jealous because he’s a bastard” comment which irritated Arya, was likely at least in part from a place of genuine sympathy. She never hated Jon. She just had a much more acute understanding of all that having a “half-brother” meant in terms of her parents, and she had a hard time handling that well. 

Robb, at fourteen, knew perfectly well what his father had done (or at least what the world at large THOUGHT Eddard had done because R+L=J is a big secret!), and I guarantee he was pissed as hell at his father over it. Robb adores his mother. But again, Ned could not be questioned or God forbid criticized on the subject--not even by his firstborn son. So, Robb was often left in the uncomfortable position of feeling he had to defend his mother’s behavior (because he knew she had a right to be angry, hurt, etc.) to the one person who had ZERO interest in hearing any defense of Catelyn Stark--Jon Snow. Robb and Jon were brothers and besties and confidantes and friendly rivals. They loved each other without limit. But Robb loved his mother and Jon did not. And there was no way her coldness to Jon could keep from impacting their relationship as they grew. Unable to question his father, Robb simply did his best to protect his mother and at the same time try not to hurt his brother. He wasn’t always successful in that. When the shit hit the fan, and Robb was suddenly a high lord and then a king, he needed his mother’s advice and support more than ever, but at the same time, he sought more desperately to BECOME his father than he ever had in his life--modeling himself after Ned in every way he could. And then when he bedded and wed Jeyne Westerling, you KNOW he recalled his father and Jon and his resentment toward his father for hurting his mother, but here he was now, breaking a betrothal in order to wed the girl he dishonored. It couldn’t have been easy for him to look at his mother after that. I honestly think his complicated feelings about Ned and Catelyn and Jon, and the fact of his own “shotgun wedding” so to speak had as much to do with his gradual pushing of Catelyn away after that as her release of Jaime or his fears of looking like a “Mama’s boy” in front of his men did. He’d let her down. Just as his father had. His father had been the most honorable man in the Seven Kingdoms, but he’d dishonored his mother. And that’s something Robb really didn’t want to share with his father. But when he wed Jeyne, he broke a promise his mother had made on his behalf--a promise he had agreed to. And I think letting Catelyn in too closely after that honestly hurt just a little too much. Because, just like Ned, Robb dealt with guilt by compartmentalizing it and shutting it down as much as possible in order to keep going.

This was an interesting topic, Nonnie! I hope my WALL OF TEXT isn’t too much!! I just have LOTS of thoughts about Starks, LOL!!

[vertigokrp-blog1]

SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL:

The case of one Na Seulgi, youth lost in the depths of countryside quaintness and simple delights. A 23-year-old spending days in the small suburbs of Muhan as a student at Jeosung University and owner of the local library, an upstanding citizen like many others in town. An unremarkable little story that takes odd turns when you take a second look. Because, in Muhan, nothing as it seems. In Muhan, you must trust no one.

         Na Seulgi is one with the vertigo.

CONTENT WARNING.

Death, sexual assault, domestic abuse.

THE STORY.

> PLAY. >

you are na seulgi. daughter, wife, widow.

> DAUGHTER.

you were born and raised in muhan, to a pair of street food vendors in the east neighbourhood. you are the second child of four. your brother, 3 years older, was a petty criminal. he mysteriously disappeared when you were 15. the scarce money barely just got you through public school, and you spent a good amount of time in your teens helping your parents sell tteokbokki.

playing the role of a filial daughter was no challenge, as you were obedient and had little to no sense of rebellion in such a sleepy town as this. and you were your mother’s favourite — you’d always been, because you were exactly like her. obedient. quiet. unassuming. your younger twin sisters were vapid and wanted nothing but to escape muhan for the glitz and glamour of the outside world.

when you were 19, your father died of cancer. strange, how peaceful his passing was, when he’d been suffering all throughout the rest of his life, ever-resentful of the upper echelons of the small town. your mother was now your closest companion. her tight grip on you grew even more so when your twin sisters skipped town in favour of bigger, better, brighter things than dreary muhan.

“you’re the only one that’s never let me down,” she said, eyes welling with tears. that continued to be the case until her own untimely death a few years later.

> WIFE.

it was a blossoming spring, much to your chagrin, when you met him. your pollen allergies were acting up, sniffling through your days of preparing tteokbokki, when he appeared with hair neatly parted, a charming smile, skin fair and fingernails clean in the way that told you he’d never had to work a goddamn day in his life. one of the gated community, you conclude. you were right. he was every bit as charming and refined as a prince. your naivety somehow drew him in, compelling him to revisit the stall almost every day.

in the bitter frost of december, he asked for your hand in marriage.

“yes,” your mother gave her blessings. you knew that she hoped for a union that’d sooner benefit her than yourself. it didn’t matter, though. you loved him, and he loved you. as a young bride of a mere 21 years, there was no one more radiant than you. the wedding was small and extremely private despite the social status of his family, and the gust of winter wind bit relentlessly at your exposed skin, but you’d never felt more at home by his side. you were perfect.

but life within the jisewon gated community was far different than what you were used to as an outsider. everything was more refined — the expectations on you to act in accordance to being your husband’s wife were high, and you were forced to keep mum about some of the more… unorthodox happenings around the area. not even your mother caught wind of it, remaining in your old home, where she succumbed to old age.

trapped within the finely sculpted walls of your abode with your husband, you never even had the chance to see her in her last days.

> WIDOW.

your beloved husband died, of toxic poisoning, at age 26. the local police wrote it off as suicide. (not unheard of, when you were a constant fixture of the gated community.)

they say 23 is too young for someone to end up as a widow. numerous sympathetic looks were thrown your way at the funeral, which was nowhere near as small as the wedding had been. misery loves company, you think absently, as you watched the coffin being lowered into the ground. you don’t miss the suspicious stares, either, but choose to remain unresponsive to them.

“it can’t possibly be a coincidence that everyone that’s remained close to her has died,” you’ve heard someone say in passing, “must be the association with the cult.” this continued to be the prominent conversation topic all throughout town for at least a few months, before it faded away in favour of other more recent, more relevant gossip. if there was any sign of relief on your part because of this shift, you were sure to remain as impassive as you always were.

finding too much spare time left, and with the inheritance your husband left behind, you decide to enrol in the jeosung university, giving yourself a chance to a proper tertiary education you could never have afforded before. your field of study is management science, which you figure would help you run the old library in town you’d persuaded your husband to buy over just a few months before his death. finding an odd comfort in the dusty shelves, you’ve taken it upon yourself to make improvements on the place, ready to sponsor the staff for renovations to better the almost decrepit building.

as a citizen, your gentle nature and benevolence hardly go unnoticed, but it seems that the people of muhan have long decided that they liked the other version of you, sensationalised by some local articles as ‘the black widow of muhan’. perhaps it is more thrilling to paint you as some sort of local myth, despite your very real, very human presence around town.

putting you on such a pedestal has its downsides, of course, one of them being that it came off a complete shock to everyone when you’d started getting romantically involved with one of your classmates in university. he is the second love of your life in your eyes, but a disgrace to your mourning period. too soon, they say. her husband’s barely a year in the grave and she’s already out with another man like a whore.

they start comparing you to the likes of the girls at the casino, amongst other things, but you pay no attention to the gossip surrounding you and your current lover. you know all-too well that not even a speck of what they say is true. nay, you’ve got the assumed purity of a virgin goddess, and five times the carnage one can cause — not that anyone knew that, of course.

THE TWIST.

your marriage was a sham.

even before the celebrated matrimony, you’d always suspected the gated community of illicit activities — some say the members of the jisewon gated community were part of a cult, but how could someone as sweet and kind as your husband be involved in any of the horrible things linked to such a group? your mother dissuaded you from believing it, urging to quickly marry you off in the hopes of getting at least a small share of your husband’s fortune.

the plan backfired, of course. not only was she deprived of getting a single cent from it, she ended up losing you to the closed gates of the olympus-like area of muhan forever, too. it was also then that you realised, quite belatedly, of the real situation within the community.

every thursday night (and some), your husband would escape the confines of your new, luxurious home to partake in activities with the evangelists. he’d come home reeking of alcohol, smelling of far too many different perfumes you were sure you’d gotten a whiff of someplace else. the most frightening part was the noticeable blood splattered on the collar of his shirt. “hello, sweetheart,” he’d greet you in bed, as if you were dumb enough to pretend that nothing was amiss. he’d kiss you on the cheek, tender and soft, in contrast to the friction against your chin by the rough stubble on his jaw.  

it was still something you could live with, but your patience had its limits. when your mother fell sick, you begged for your husband to let you go visit, spend your last moments with the person you’d considered your closest companion, but he forbade it. trying to push past him anyway, your blatant defiance awakened a malicious being in him. no longer was he the same gentle soul he was when you first met him, reduced to a savage monster, which thirsted of something worse than your blood — your honour.

when morning came, no one else in the household seemed to have picked up on the events occurring the night before, despite your screams. the newly revived demon within your husband never really went away from that point on, and he made it a point to ‘domesticate’ you by leaving scars and bruises all over your body, and tainting your sanctity night after night.

then came your breaking point. funny, how easy it was to fool him into consuming the special dinner you’d specifically prepared for him. bibimbap, his favourite, with extra gochujang and arsenic. you watched him choke and splutter, eyes widening as he realised what you’d done. for the first time in your life, there was no remorse in your heart.

no one knows that you were behind it, of course. it made perfect sense to everyone that it was a voluntary suicide — some kind of messed up self-sacrifice in the name of satan himself. there were some that questioned it, however, which explained all the suspicion aimed at you after his death. ever since then, you’d become a solid figure in the local tabloids, and made a name of yourself as the famed black widow of muhan.

intending to take your secret to the grave, you knew what you’d done was necessary for the sake of your own life. much more content with the absence of your husband, you are now free of his reign, but still watched closely by his remaining family members. it doesn’t matter. you know yourself best, and no one else is deserving to pass judgment towards your person.

you are na seulgi. daughter, wife, murderer.