#his plight would be so horrible like imagine you give up a part of yourself to be with someone you love and who THINK loves you the same...

[stonerzelda]

One of my most important characters is based entirely off of my very first skyrim protagonist and so is her subsequent backstory 😭 I am grateful to tod for ONE thing

[mc-lukanette]

Omg I am loving your dreaded string of fate au this is such an interesting take! As always your writing and ideas absolutely amaze me You are such a wonderful writer! If it isnt too much of a bother could we get some more writing for dsaf? Either way I hope you are staying safe, taking care of yourself, and that overall life is doing you good.

Thanks, everyone! And sure, you can have more!!

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[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

Luka wasn't sure why Marinette had called him over that day. As far as he knew, she was busy with projects, though he wouldn't complain about spending some time with her.

Still, he found himself tensing and steeling himself up as he walked up the stairs to her living room. The hum of her sewing machine could be heard as he got closer, reminding him of clothes, which led to the thought of thread, which then brought his mind to the red string of fate wrapped around her neck. His last venture as Viperion seemed to have improved his sensing, so now he could see someone's red string even if the person on the other end wasn't nearby.

Needless to say, he wasn't looking forward to it with Marinette.

He closed the living room door behind him, then went up the staircase, knocking to let Marinette know he was there. The sound of the sewing machine stopped, and he heard her footsteps come closer followed by the slight creak of the trapdoor.

Marinette's face was revealed to him, offering him a smile, and Luka tried not to stare too much at the red string still tied around her neck. He swallowed, but smiled back at her, which was genuine enough even if he was uncomfortable.

"Come on up," she welcomed, holding the trapdoor up for him. He nodded and walked up the rest of the stairs, hearing the trapdoor close behind him as he took a look around the room. He felt Marinette's eyes on him, but she voiced her thoughts before he could wonder about them.

"You didn't bring your guitar?" she asked.

He glanced at his back, then at her, having no way of telling her the real reason why he'd chosen not to bring it. "Yeah, I didn't. Sorry, did you want me to play for you?"

"Oh! No, it's okay—I mean, of course I love it when you play for me so I always want—but I understand!" She thankfully dropped the subject there, turning away to return to her seat. "You can make yourself at home or help yourself to the fridge downstairs if you want anything!"

"Thanks," he said with a smile, heading over to her chaise lounge and taking a seat on it. Even with Marinette's chair turned away from him while she used her sewing machine, he could still see the red string dangling off the side, though it faded into full transparency before it hit the floor.

In truth, he'd left his guitar behind to force himself to use less music and more words. He didn't want to hide behind it to try and ease his situation or make himself more comfortable with everything. The situation the love of his life - and more importantly, his friend - had gotten into through no fault of her own was horrible, and no matter how uncomfortable he was, he couldn't have been any more uncomfortable than her being strangled by fate itself.

He watched her, waiting for a lull in her work to ask, "Did you need anything?"

"Hm?" She looked over her chair to meet his gaze.

"I'm happy to be here anyway, but I didn't know if you needed me for something," he clarified.

"Oh." She understood. Waving a hand dismissively, she assured, "No! I just invited you here to hang out—" She gestured to her sewing machine, her eyes a bit shifty. "—with me, while I was busy but totally happy and relaxed and everything!"

Her wording was inherently suspicious. His eyes scanned over the room, noting the projects littered about that seemed so plentiful. He supposed he hadn't exactly been subtle in his concern for her, but he wasn't sure of exactly what tipped her off or made her feel like she had to "prove" her happiness to him.

Besides, he knew better, and he knew her. Even with the smile she gave him, her brows were furrowed and twitching, a tiredness to her eyes that definitely didn't show what he would call "happiness."

He gave her a nod anyway, not wanting to call her out when he was still piecing things together himself, and he didn't want to confirm her worries if she was merely suspecting that he felt that way.

He leaned back while she returned to working, his hand on the cushion underneath him as he considered what to say. If Sass was right in his beliefs, then Luka indeed had the power to change Marinette's fate, though there wasn't any specific method of how. He thought back to all of their conversations, wondering what he would've done differently if he'd known beforehand and trying not to get bogged down by "what if"s or blame himself for it.

He stared silently at the back of Marinette's head, remembering the day at the ice rink when he saw the same thing. She'd been running away, or more specifically running towards Adrien after he'd encouraged her to do so. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time, but from what he gathered from interactions he'd either seen or heard about, it hadn't gone anywhere. Maybe it hadn't even gone well at all.

Maybe he'd made a mistake?

Luka's mind grew heavy with the thoughts, his body falling back to lay down on Marinette's chaise. He didn't regret doing what he felt was right, but now he wondered if his wording could've been better.

"You should probably go over and talk to him."

He hadn't exactly been thinking at the time - a lot had happened that day - but he noted that he could've asked her how she felt. He could've questioned her on if she really wanted to go after Adrien. It was possible she'd wanted to go home on the subway with him, but was convinced to chase Adrien when he brought it up. Luka just imagined Marinette seeing Adrien and Kagami together, the red string tightening around her neck and then loosening when she was presented with the prospect of going after him.

He felt like he was the one being strangled, just thinking about it.

"Luka?"

He looked up, surprised, seeing that Marinette had stopped sewing at some point and had come to sit on the chaise lounge with him. She hovered over him, concern written across her features and the red string taunting him with its mere existence. Luka knew by now that she was very worried about him, and trying to wriggle or half-lie out of it wasn't going to convince her. He'd just really thought that she would've been sewing for longer.

He also jolted up into a sitting position upon realizing that he probably looked like he was making himself too comfy on her chaise lounge. She didn't seem to mind at least.

"...Marinette," he said slowly, trying to put his thoughts in order. She leaned closer as a sign that she was giving him her attention, and he continued, "Do you know why I let you go that day?"

She tilted her head and he belatedly caught that he hadn't been specific, still too lost in his own head. He opened his mouth to clarify, but realization struck Marinette before he could speak, her brows raising in recognition.

"Oh!" she gasped. Though the conversation was sudden, she didn't seem to mind rolling with it. "Um, yeah, I wondered about that sometimes. I mean, I knew that you knew that I—but I didn't know that you—but if you didn't back then, I—"

"No, your song was definitely in my head, even back then," he confirmed casually, smiling as he added, "Since the day we met, remember?"

She blushed at the mention of his confession, but nodded. "Y-yeah." Then, seeming to rethink the moment with that information in mind, she asked, "...Why did you let me go then?"

His eyes flickered to the red string, then back up to her face. "I want you to be happy, Marinette, no matter who it's with. I thought that Adrien would do that, but I hope I didn't make you feel like you had to go after him."

She blinked, the thought having seemingly not even occurred to her. She averted her gaze, her eyes darting around at nothing in particular. "Is...is that why you were looking like that?"

He didn't answer, but that was answer enough for her.

"Oh, Luka," she murmured sympathetically. "I—well—" She shifted uncomfortably. "—I shouldn't be talking to you about this. It'd be wrong when my feelings are so messed up. You..."

He shook his head. "You can talk about Adrien if you want. I'd be happy if you relied on me more."

He meant it. Even regardless of his fate sensing, he wanted Marinette to feel comfortable talking to him, even if it was about her love problems. He didn't want their relationship to be changed because of his feelings for her.

"Even more?" She raised a brow, the concept confusing her, but she didn't question him further. She hesitated, rubbing her cheek in thought, then dropped her hands to her lap and twiddled her fingers. "I-I don't know; about Adrien, I mean. I—" She sighed, giving a halfhearted shrug. "—he's not interested in me. He likes Kagami, but the girls kept telling me that I shouldn't give up on him because of how hard I tried." Then, stiffening, she waved her hands and rapidly assured, "N-not anything against your sister, of course! That's just what happened—and—" She huffed in frustration. "—it feels like I hit a wall, and I'm not going anywhere. Adrien doesn't notice me and I can't talk to him and... I'm tired."

Luka nodded silently to let her know that he was both listening and sympathetic towards her plight, also not wanting to interrupt her.

"Of course I tried hard, but Adrien and Kagami seem like they're good for each other and they should be happy together. Just, whenever I think of giving up or not trying, I..." She raised a hand to her neck in a gesture that he immediately understood. "It hurts, and Alya's always trying to get me together with Adrien no matter what I say. Maybe she knows best and maybe she's right, and that's why I always end up in crazy situations with him. Plus, everyone..." She looked away, her voice not having the enthusiasm one would imagine her next words would go with. "...everyone keeps saying we're made for each other."

Luka clutched his leg to ground himself while struggling to keep a straight face. He'd certainly never heard that one before, but it stung like his neck did just thinking about it. His lips pressed together, trying to contain his emotions, but he couldn't help blurting out, "No one's made for anyone."

She blinked at him, shocked, but he didn't take it back or apologize for saying it so suddenly. He recognized the fact that he was talking about destined love being nonexistent when he himself knew that "fate" was very much a real thing, but his actual opinion on the subject hadn't changed. As far as he was concerned, fate's "opinion" was about as valid as anyone else's when it came to someone else's relationship.

"No matter what Alya, or even Rose, say about you and who you love, Marinette, all that matters is you and who you want to play for. You deserve someone who makes you happy." He paused, lamenting the reality that she really hadn't gotten to think about it. "Does Adrien make you happy?"

He saw the string tighten, Marinette opening her mouth to respond before she seemed to stop herself. He felt like apologizing, but knew she wouldn't understand even if he did. She frowned, staring down at her lap and appearing conflicted with herself, so he reached out and carefully hovered his hand over her shoulder in a show of comfort. She glanced at his hand, noticing the gesture, but didn't immediately give him any sort of permission.

Then, to his surprise, she brought her hand up, gently grabbing his wrist and lowering it so his hand was placed perfectly on her shoulder. She didn't even let go, keeping his wrist held like she needed his hand there.

"...Luka," she whispered, her voice shaking, "I—no, you'll laugh, or think I'm crazy."

He squeezed her shoulder, not hesitating to insist, "I won't. I'm here for you, Marinette."

She finally met his gaze, and he saw a vulnerability there that wasn't there before. She was nervous, whether of his potential reaction to whatever she had to say, or something else entirely.

She took a breath, her fingers tightening around his wrist as she composed herself. The silence stretched, though he could tell that she was steeling herself up.

"The—the Adrien pictures," she began, tossing a pointed look to the wall where they were. "I don't remember putting them there."

He kept his expression schooled, not wanting her to overthink his reactions. Careful and quiet, he asked, "What do you mean?"

"I-I mean, obviously I started putting them there, back when I first met him," she admitted, "but I took them down. They'd been down for a while."

Luka could confirm that. He'd been to Marinette's room before when she'd been sending in their Kitty Section audition to Bob Roth, and the pictures weren’t there.

She continued, "I-it hurt when I did it, but I did, and I threw most of them away. But then—when I wake up sometimes, they're back, and I don't remember putting them up. I-I mean, maybe I did but I just don't remember it? I stay up late sometimes and I won't remember falling asleep, so it might be like that, you know? I-I know you're not exactly like me and I'm sure you don't sleepily put pictures on your wall but..."

He smiled as best as he could, even though he was hurting inside. "I know as well as you do that creativity doesn't have a schedule."

She managed a smile in return, but it returned to a frown as she dropped her gaze to her lap. "A-anyway, I can forget things, but it's never been that bad, and sometimes they'll be gone for a while but then they'll be back a few days later. There's just—there's no other explanation, so it has to be me, right? I-I don't know if it's a sign or what, but if it is then I don't know what it's telling me? Because whenever there are a lot of pictures—" She made a vague gesture with a wave of her free hand, cringing as she added, "—something humiliating always happens. That usually gets me to take them down again, but then... well, you know." She rubbed the back of her neck with a hand, blushing in embarrassment. "Sorry, I probably sound crazy. I-I swear, I'm not trying to—"

"I believe you."

Her mouth halted mid-sentence, hanging open as she stared at him.

"I believe you, Marinette," he repeated, giving her shoulder another squeeze. He didn't need any further detail to know what happened, as there was no way Marinette would take down those pictures and then put them back up the next day, or even the day before that. It didn't make any sense, and while he hadn't seen the wisps of fate move things or brush them aside, he had seen them trip Marinette, meaning they had some level of physical control. It explained it all: the convenience of the pictures appearing and disappearing, as well as the amount of them there'd be.

"T-thank you," she murmured, her lips briefly moving to form extra words but nothing coming out. She looked shy, possibly from admitting something she hadn't told anyone before, but she at least wasn't so nervous anymore.

"You don't need to thank me," he assured, "but you're welcome. Just know that you can tell me anything."

She ducked her head, peeking up at him to ask, "How much do you want to know?"

"Whatever you're comfortable sharing with me," he replied.

"Everything?" She'd said it quickly, as if she'd blurted it out, but she didn't panic afterward. She merely looked at him, hope in her eyes.

He nodded without hesitation, wanting her to be certain that he meant it. She searched his gaze for a few more seconds, one last shred of doubt remaining, but he knew he'd convinced her when her body relaxed and she smiled at him with her whole heart. Her grip on his wrist lightened, her hand sliding off and back down to her side. He pulled back as well, his heart a mixture of emotions but mostly just happy to see her happy.

"I..." She turned away, facing her trapdoor. "I'm going to get some snacks first."

He watched as she pushed herself up, then stood as well to follow after her. "Do you want any help carrying them?"

She looked at him, confused. "You don't have to."

Instead of responding with the obvious - that he wanted to - he simply replied, "You're not alone anymore, Marinette."

He didn't need to elaborate for her to understand. He let himself get lost in the warmth of her gaze, hoping that he might see it more one day if he could ever get her string removed, even if her warm gaze would end up being for someone else.

[hiddendreamer67]

girl u KNOW im a predictable bitch and need to know everything about Caden and Nameless-Giant-Whom-I-Already-Adore (plus uuuuhhhh caring prompt "let me take a look..." if that gets anything going for ya)

Bro you know I was so hype to get this ask! It seems a lot of people to read more about my bois, who are now officially Caden and Markus. :D

Part 1 | Part 2 (here) | Part 3 | Part 4 tbd

Summary: After being sacrificed by his people to the beasts of the village, Caden finds himself rescued by a giant and taken back to Markus’ campsite.

Word count: 1,604

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“Let’s have a look…” The giant murmured, and once again Caden found himself in front of his scrutinizing gaze. Caden squirmed, not liking the way the massive bonfire made the shadows dance across his captor’s face. He liked it even less when he caught the glint of a knife twice his size in the corner of his eye. “Oi! Sit still, would ‘ya?”

Caden whimpered, trying to do as instructed lest he be punished for disobedience. After all, the fingers curled around him could at any moment squeeze together and crush his ribs. That imagery was terrifying and did nothing to ease Caden’s internal panic.

“Good lords, your heart’s beating faster than a sprite.” The giant sighed, his thumb brushing atop Caden’s chest, taking in the younger boy’s pulse. “Settle down. I’m not going to harm you, alright?”

“Mhmm.” Caden gave a stiff nod, his eyes never leaving the blade clutched in the giant’s other hand, hovering nearby and pointed in Caden’s direction. “What uh… what’s that for, then?”

“Well, I imagine it’s not pleasant being all tied up.” The giant brought the knife closer, his gaze intense in his focus. “Now don’t move and I won’t nick ya.”

“Easy for you to say.” Caden murmured, stiffening as he imagined all the ways the tiniest slip of the giant’s wrist could lose Caden an entire arm; a blade that size was quite the formidable weapon. Nevertheless, Caden did as instructed, breathing as steadily as he could when he felt the steel tool come between his arms and glide along, cutting the thick ropes with ease.

“Told ya.” The giant gave a cocky grin, repositioning to aim for Caden’s legs. This knife cut through the ropes as if they were nothing.

Caden cleared his throat, forcing himself to breathe as he brushed the scraps of rope together. The open palm Caden was cupped in shifted as the giant repositioned to put the knife away.

Of course, Caden wasn’t sure if he was any safer now that he was free of his bonds. After all, Caden was still in the hands of a gigantic stranger, alone in the dangerous woods with no way to defend himself if things turned ugly. What did this giant want with him, anyhow? He seemed… human, or human enough, but given Caden’s track record that didn’t mean he’d be granted any mercy.

The giant hummed, his attention fully on Caden once more, tilting the human back and forth before his eyes. Caden stumbled, grasping one of the nearby knuckles to keep himself balanced. After all, he was still mindful of the fact he was several dozen feet off the ground, even as the giant sat upon the ground. Caden rubbed his arm, unnerved by the sensation of Markus’ fingers occasionally brushing against his side, as if Markus himself wasn’t even fully aware he was doing it.

“You got a name, kid?” The giant asked, first to break the silence.

Caden blinked, not expecting the question. “Um, Caden. My,- my name’s Caden.”

The giant nodded. “I’m Markus.” With introductions out of the way, Markus lowered his palm to the ground, causing Caden to shoot him a confused glance.

“Are you… letting me go?” Caden questioned.

“Letting you go?” Markus raised a disapproving eyebrow, glancing between Caden and the darkened forest surrounding. “Kid, if you want to be torn to shreds, that’s between you and the banshees. The woods aren’t exactly friendly at the best of times, least of all when the sun goes down.”

“O-oh.” Caden flinched, looking to the trees with fright as if the shadows themselves would prove hostile. A loud sigh was heard above him, and Caden felt himself nudged in the back by Markus’ finger.

“I’m just setting ya down, need my hands free.” Markus instructed, watching the human hurriedly depart onto the ground with an amused smirk.

Caden shifted his weight, watching Markus take off his gigantic backpack and set it on the forest floor with a thud, the trembles in the ground making Caden stumble slightly.

“So… what are you doing out here? Do you live here?” Caden glanced around, taking in more of their surroundings. There was the roaring fire in the middle of the clearing (hard to miss, really), and the bag Markus was currently rustling through. And… that was it.

Markus shrugged. “‘For the time being.”

Caden frowned. What a depressing response, after all this clearing wasn’t exactly a home. But then Caden came to the horrible conclusion that even with Markus’ meager possessions and patch of dirt on the ground, Markus was still doing better than himself.

Caden had nothing. He owned nothing save for the clothes on his back, no tools to help him survive out in the wilderness. After all, Caden was never meant to survive. As far as his home was concerned, Caden was already dead. He wouldn’t be welcomed back. In fact, if he tried to return Caden didn’t doubt they would throw him to the beasts a second time, and the next creature to find him was likely to be more bloodthirsty.

It hurt, knowing everyone who had ever known Caden viewed him as a traitor and a liar. Caden had cried out for their sympathy and gotten nothing but blank stares. Who does that? What use were rules that could be exploited so readily? Caden shuddered, thinking of any individuals who were sacrificed before his time. Were they too innocent? How much unnecessary bloodshed was on the elder’s hands?

“Hungry?”

Caden blinked, broken out of his musings by the rumbling tones of Markus’ voice. “Pardon?”

Markus held a scrap of bread between his fingers, to the giant a miniscule portion but to Caden a loaf the size of his head. It was ripped off of a larger loaf still held in Markus’ other hand, clearly what he had been searching for in the bag. Markus offered the scrap in Caden’s direction.

The human paused, carefully considering the offer. He should probably eat, but with the events of the day still weighing heavily on his mind, Caden found himself without much of an appetite.

“Take it.” Markus advised. “It’ll help.” Caden gave him a confused glance, to which Markus only shrugged. “When your burden is heavy, I find it’s best to focus on surviving. Then the rest will follow.”

Caden blinked, surprised at the wisdom in Markus’ words. “Are you a mind reader?” He asked, stepping forward to carefully grasp the bread.

Markus chuckled, releasing the bread into Caden’s grasp. “You’re not exactly subtle with your brooding.” Markus teased, taking a bite of his own loaf almost as large as Caden himself (not a pleasant comparison). “Besides, it’s not hard to guess what you’re thinking with the day you’ve had. I’ve been there.”

Caden bristled, a bit peeved that Markus would pretend to understand his plight. “You’ve been kicked out of the only home you’ve ever known and sacrificed to beasts?”

Surprisingly, Markus gave a nod. “Something like that.”

Caden blinked, having not expected that response. He stammered for a moment, searching for the right words to reply, before settling on none and filling his mouth hesitantly with bread. It was a bit stale, and perhaps flavorless, but with nothing better to do, Caden diligently nibbled on his own loaf. At the same time, Caden tried to tune out the sounds of munching far above his head that did nothing to help Caden’s lack of an appetite.

“I’ve only got one blanket.” Markus spoke up again, drawing Caden’s attention upward to make eye contact. “But you could probably sleep in the bag tonight. Didn’t exactly think to bring tiny accommodations with me wherever I travel.”

“Oh, uh…” Caden glanced at the bag, having not even thought of something as trivial as sleeping arrangements. It hardly felt relevant in the grand scheme of Caden’s current miseries. “I’m not really tired.” He admitted, for despite the exhausting events of the day, Caden was still on edge with the fear of what might happen to him in the night outside the safety of familiar walls. There were the beasts prowling the forest, and Markus himself could still be a very real threat if Caden’s luck turned.

Markus squinted, considering Caden’s response for a moment. “You’re not gonna run off and get yourself killed in the night, are ya?”

Caden took the time to truly consider the question. Of course he didn’t want to get himself killed, but given the opportunity, would Caden run from Markus?

“No.” Caden shook his head with confidence. “Not tonight.”

Markus snorted. “Alright, the offer still stands. Stay near the fire at least, it keeps the rabble at bay.” Having given his last words of advice, Markus pulled the blanket out of his bag, setting the bag closer to the fire for easy access. It was a small detail that Caden appreciated, even if he still didn’t plan to take advantage of it. Markus himself curled slightly around the fire at a distance, almost as a barrier between Caden and the outside world.

Or a way to keep me in, Caden reminded himself. It was easy to forget that Markus was virtually a stranger. Caden knew nothing about this giant or his motives, only that Markus had spared him when it could’ve been so easy to abandon him entirely or kill Caden himself. What did Markus have to gain helping Caden? And what would Markus expect of Caden come morning?

“Goodnight, Caden.” Markus murmured, his eyes closed as he settled in.

Caden sat by the fire, giving his savior a contemplative glance. “...goodnight, Markus.”

[monicalorandavis]

I saw ‘Knives Out’ a week ago and I’m still reeling

I saw ‘Knives Out’ a week ago and I’m still reeling. This movie is fun and I simply won’t talk to anyone who disagrees! I don’t want to argue about its merits. It’s good.

Your issue is, I presume, an issue with what the film says about the upper class. Go on, sympathize for the horrible, rich family that represents all that is ugly with America. Feel bad for the racist gargoyles who are equal parts human and checking account. These people are snobs. They are snob dumpster fires and if you didn’t have fun roasting them then you and I are on different sides of the war.

What war you ask? I guess I’ll call it the culture war (though that’s not really it). I’m talking about the current (unannounced) civil war between those who think Trump is getting unfairly maligned and us, the ones who are looking back on this shameful era ten years down the line, explaining to our kids what the fuck happened in 2019. This is bad. Art should make fun of us. Our obsession with fame and fortune has gotten us into global laughing stock territory. So let’s allow for art to poke fun as the bullshit of America. Art should be a reflection of our ugly parts. We all must look in the mirror when we try on a bathing suit. This is that. I choose not to place blame on the world for my muffin top. It’s funny. I’m gonna still have fun with this muffin, and this film, even if it doesn’t make me feel amazing. Laughing at yourself exorcises the demons. We still need art to encourage our spiritual progress. Don’t be such a stick in the mud.

So, now that I’ve sorted that out, the film...

It’s good.

Now let’s focus on the acting which is, arguably, always my favorite part of any movie.

Didn’t we all revel in the Yosemite Sam impression Daniel Craig was doing with New Orleans private investigator, Benoit Blanc? Wasn’t Lakeith Stanfield playing the slightly oblivious police detective while his partner fangirled over Christopher Plummer a treat?

It was.

In a society so obsessed with celebrity, it was especially delightful to watch the investigators reckon with people who simply did not believe they had to play by the rules. They don’t have to partake in police questioning. They have people for that!

Only, they do have to partake in police questioning and their lack of experience in dealing with authority figures, like the police, made them particularly horrible witnesses. They quite enjoyed a wonderfully anonymous type of wealth, free from press and the quotidian boredom of bosses, day jobs, rules...you get it. The Thrombey’s do not handle inconvenience very well.

As a result, we delight in their misfortune. This move dripped with Agatha Christie meets Succession realness. Plus subtle notes of Rupaul’s Drag Race camp.

Yes, I admit, Benoit Blanc is no Hercule Poirot. All these mystery purists coming for ‘Knives Out’ best fall back with those comparisons because it’s simply unfair. Christie’s number one Belgian is too good for mere mortals to emulate. And Daniel Craig tried very, very hard to give you an iconic detective character. Was it goofy and weird? Yes. Let’s all agree to move on.

And the moving on is a larger lesson here. Because only when you surrender to this film does it reveal all its gifts to you. Once you stop comparing it to all the other stories you hold so dear does it grow into its own animal. It’s a mystery for the age in which we find ourselves. I will not slander the p.c. police because, hell, I’m sort of one of them. Social justice warrior is not an insult that rustles my feathers. Interestingly, this film joins the SJW’s alongside the Stephen Miller’s of the world. White privilege is white privilege. And, unfortunately, the Thrombey’s, both young and old, liberal and conservative, are victims of their privilege. So blind to the plight of others, they can not help but make themselves the heroes of their own story. And people don’t like the thought that they, like the film’s youngest SJW of the family, Katherine Langford, could be part of the problem. And yet, she is. She so is.

Langford delivers a knockout performance of Taylor Swift-level white feminism that is so 2019 and clueless that I imagine many people even missed the joke.

Along those same lines, Chris Evans is the playboy, black sheep of the family who seems misunderstood and sexy but, spoiler alert, is just conniving and sexy.

Both performances were stellar and so deeply entrenched in modern white identity politics that if you’re not paying attention you might assume that their characters are just your standard rich villains. Nay. These are the “good white people” who are behaving badly. These are the white people who donate to charities and hire undocumented workers like Ana de Armas’ character, Marta. They are people who listen to rap music and love ‘Insecure’ and took an African-American studies class in college. And yet, they demand attention and emotional labor from the (employed) people around them. They distort proximity with closeness and try to lure Marta into their world. But she always knows better. For whatever reason, she can not trust these people, even before Harlan’s death.

Rian Johnson directs with a certain je ne sais quoi. Call it a ‘BDE’ that I would not expect from such a dweeby looking dweeb. Yes, ‘Knives Out’ has a fun enough story. But it really shows the fuck out is with its performances. Holy moly. No small roles, only small actors, as the saying goes. Yet in the case of ‘Knives Out’ you will find neither. Everybody is a god damn star. You should know that I stan Chris Evans but, as it turns out, this film begs you to worship its entire cast. So I did.

‘Knives Out’ is a star-making performance for Ana de Armas. If you hadn’t heard, de Armas garnered a Golden Globe nod and it is well-deserved. Armas’ Marta is a nuanced, funny, sensitive, conspirator in a plot that could’ve isolated the audience but instead put us smack dab in the middle of a moral quagmire.

Only the best actors can pull this off. Lesser actors have us turn against them while they flounder. Marta’s role in the family drama is as an outsider. In spite of their insistence that she is one of them, she keeps her distance, only clinging to Harlan. She fell for Chris Evans’ charms briefly, and I applaud Rian Johnson for avoiding a romance between the two (we didn’t need it) and focusing instead on the emotional betrayal. Marta was a woman with her head screwed on straight. In spite of her, possible, nursing fumbles she was the only kind person Harlan had in his life. She would never risk her loyalty to him by engaging in some foolishness with Chris Evans’ hunky ass.

And I repeat, I don’t care about your thoughts regarding inheritance. It is silly to contest that Marta deserved nothing less than the full sum of the fortune (*spoiler*). She deserved everything. She deserved an existence in this country free from citizenship anxiety. She deserved a partner who loved her. She deserved a friend who didn’t kill himself to save her ass. Least of all, she deserved Chris Evans’ character to be better. But, he was a product of his shitty family. How could he be better?

Three names: Jamie. Lee. Curtis. I need her in at least seven to twelve projects in the coming year. She is a stand out among stand outs. She serves up the quintessential performance of a cold-hearted bitch that is so likeable that I will patiently await the spin-off. I need to know where her Linda Drysdale is now. If anyone in the family was able to land on their feet it was Linda. We all know it.

Linda was the only Thrombey child who had the guts to make it without a handout. Her loser husband, played by the ever-handsomer Don Johnson, was practically useless. Her loser brother, played by the unusually diminutive Michael Shannon, was the same. Her sister in law, played by the illustrious Toni Collette, had her head so far up her own ass that even Gwyneth Paltrow would blush.

Poor Linda. She was surrounded by idiots. I hope she’s doing ok.

And now, we’re at the end. I’ve tried my best to avoid any horrible spoilers. But I’ve also taken a deep dive into SJW’s so I might’ve gotten off track along the way...

In any event, this movie is good. And I can’t wait to see it again.

[pyropsychiccollector]

Navia Week, Day 3: Jealousy

            Fair warning: This one has some "mildly suggestive themes" because really, I couldn't imagine this prompt any other way, and Juvia is a pervert... sorta... ^___^

           ~*~

            The corner of the wooden pillar splintered under Juvia’s grip, and an intense dark aura surrounded her. Natsu-san had broken her of that nasty habit of stalking… for the most part… But that didn’t mean she never momentarily watched his interactions with their Guildmates before she “officially” met up with him for missions and dates. J-Just to make sure he was okay! Natsu-san wasn’t always on the watch for shameless flirts, or hussies that didn’t know when to back off. These moments of protection never lasted for very long!

            Sometimes these “moments” translated to “5 minutes in real time”, but hey, who was counting…?

            “Are you sure I can’t come along…? I really need the rent money, like… yesterday.” Lucy begged with waterfalls of tears cascading down her face. Natsu chuckled at his friend’s plight.

            “You must really be desperate if you want to take the Vulcan job with me ‘n Juvia. We’re practically guaranteed to wreck crap~.” Natsu’s tone was teasing as his mouth twitched into a toothy grin. Lucy could only nod glumly.

            “It’s true. At this point, every little bit helps!”

            Now, Lucy meant this in a completely platonic, monetary sense, but Juvia was known for having an overactive imagination. And it did not help that the world looked more sparkly and beautiful as she looked at Natsu and Lucy longer, with the blonde Celestial Wizard even moving into Natsu’s chest longingly and looking up into his eyes with uncontainable lust.

            “It’d mean a lot to me if you’d let me come along…” Lucy silkily ran a hand down Natsu’s chiseled chest.

            “I know, my love. But Mistress Juvia would be quite angry if she discovered our tryst~…” Natsu huskily replied as he leaned his face in toward the blonde.

            “Oh, Natsu…” Lucy whispered.

            “Lucy…”

            They moved closer and closer until they grazed each other’s lips softly and passionately. Both of them losing interest in the world around them as Lucy deepened the kiss, and her hand went lower to Natsu-san’s pants-

            Steam exploded from Juvia’s ears, and she shook her head wildly, the faux romantic visions disappearing from view immediately. Lucy was even waving goodbye to the Dragon Slayer as she went to check out Team Shadow Gear’s availability. The Water mage took several deep breaths to recompose herself. Natsu-san wouldn’t cheat on her like that! Sure, he was a novice in the ways of love, but even he knew there were lines that were not to be crossed when one was in a relationship. Natsu-san was not some… some… player who picked up chicks to satisfy his lust!

            ‘But he could be tempted by no-good, scheming, shameless… temptresses!’ A voice in a far corner of Juvia’s mind objected, though Juvia did her best to reel in her jealousy before it became overwhelming. Natsu-san had known Lucy-san longer than he had known Juvia, and their friendship was very well known in the Guild… He had even turned Lucy-san down, so there was nothing to worry about.

            Lucy momentarily turned back to Natsu, winked, and blew a kiss.

            Juvia twitched and shook an annoyed fist at the blonde’s retreating figure. Curse Former Love Rival for getting Juvia so worked up over nothing…!

            “Oh, Natsu! Still here?” Mira greeted the Pyro, leading him to approach the bar counter. “I thought Juvia would’ve gotten here by now~.”

            The barmaid giggled as Natsu shrugged neutrally.

            “She’s just late sometimes. It’s all good, though~. She’s really good at distracting me from my motion sickness – says she got experience from helpin’ Junkyard out~.”

            Mira tapped her chin thoughtfully after a few moments of comfortable silence between them.

            “Say. You wouldn’t mind coming down to the cellar to help me out a minute, would ya? Evergreen whisked Elfman away for the day for some ‘much needed pampering’, so I don’t have his big strong arms to help me move some supplies up here~.” As the Pyro hummed noncommittally, Mirajane sweetened the deal. “I’ll give you some of my leftovers, free of charge~.”

            Natsu rubbed his chin before nodding sagely and smiling widely.

            “Sure, okay!”

            As the duo marched off to the cellar, Juvia’s eyes bulged, and sweat began to trickle down her face.

            ‘L… L… Leftovers?!’ Juvia internally shrieked. Her mind immediately leapt to the gutter after hearing that little exchange. No surprise there.

            “So, uh, how do I insert this thing again?”

            “You just lift up my legs like this~. Then you drill me like a man possessed, got it~?”

            “This is weird, but I like it~!” Pause. “Say, uh… Juvia said to use condoms when we do this… What’s a condom?”

            “Oh, don’t worry about those~. If you’re doing ‘safe sex’, you’re not doing it right~.”

            “Whatever ya say, Mira! Do I unload in or out?!”

            “Why, you unload inside me, you sexy dragon! ‘Til I’m full to burst with your molten seed~!”

            … Juvia’s mind broke from that daydream. Not only because Mira-san was being very naughty, but because of Natsu-san’s well-toned body, and his rather… well-endowed… parts… Coughing awkwardly, Juvia tugged and glared down at her winter coat. Perhaps Natsu-san had a point about not wearing this stuffy thing all the time. Besides, if she showed off more of her voluptuous curves, Natsu-san wouldn’t be so easily tempted away by the likes of Lucy-san and Mira-san. Instead, he would be the one stuck with wet dreams involving her… And then his dragon instincts would take over, and he would burn off her shirt, and tear off her pants…

            Shaking her head vigorously once again, Juvia made the critical decision of returning Fairy Hills briefly to change into something… comfier. More form-fitting~. Natsu-san would be busy for a few minutes with whatever he and Mira-san were doing, so she had time!

            … She just needed to hurry.

            ~*~

            By the time Juvia returned to the Guild, enough had changed that she barely received any looks from her Guildmates when she strolled back in confidently. The reason being that there was a crowd in front of the bar counter,  where Mira-san was standing across from Erza-san, and poor, sweet Natsu right dab in the middle of them.

            “Mira, you’ve gone too far this time…!” Erza barked as she tugged one of Natsu’s arms and brought him her way. The possessive look in her eye and the childish pout might have looked adorable if Juvia wasn’t stewing in jealousy, toward the back of the crowd.

            “Ara, ara, too little, too late, Tincan~. Natsu agreed to it.” The Takeover mage argued with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. In the blink of an eye, she had snatched Natsu away from the scarlet knight and returned to her original position, but this time with the Dragon Slayer snuggled to her bountiful dirty pillows. “And Natsu always keeps his promises~.”

            Even the mighty Titania was blinking owlishly as she seemed to try and puzzle out how the barmaid had moved so damn fast. She stayed blinking like that for a few more seconds before growling and moving at a speed that rivaled the Demon’s. Though there was a distinct clang as Natsu’s head was connected with the scarlet knight’s breastplate.

            “Natsu has a duty to his team first and foremost! Promises with she-devils like you are irrelevant!”

            Mira scowled at the knight’s possessiveness. She was not about to lose this fight!

            “Don’t lie to yourself, Erza~. You just want him all to your greedy self! Natsu doesn’t have to indulge you!”

            Huh. Natsu was smothered in Mira’s melons again. Go figure.

            “He doesn’t owe a tramp like you anything! He stays with us!” Erza roared. Aaand Natsu was back with her.

            … This quickly devolved into childish fighting, Natsu going back and forth between the two legendary rivals.

            “PROMISE!”

            “DUTY TO HIS TEAM!”

            “PROMISE!”

            “DUTY!”

            “PROMISE!”

            “DUTY!”

            By this point, Juvia was doing everything she could to make this nightmare go away. She pinched herself. Slapped herself. Shook her head until it seemed like her head would fall off her shoulders… Nothing seemed to work.

            This wasn’t some horrible made-up fantasy. This was real!

            “ENOUGH!” Juvia roared as she entered the fray and parted the squabbling rivals by sending waves of water at each of them. She recovered Natsu while they were distracted, and started to inch toward the exit with Natsu hugged possessively to her chest, and the most jealous look she’d had on her face. “You two should be ashamed! Natsu-san is Juvia’s! He belongs to neither of you!!”

            For a drawn out moment, both barmaid and knight looked at Juvia like she had sprouted a second head. Then, Mira recovered first, and things slowly made sense again…

            “Juvia, we were talking about a photoshoot, silly girl!” Mira stuck out her tongue bashfully as she clasped her hands in front of herself and bowed apologetically to the Rain Woman. “We weren’t fighting over just Natsu either, y’know~.”

            Erza bowed more deeply and apologized more profusely before explaining where Mira left off.

            “Th-That’s right! Jason is scheduled to be coming to Fairy Tail next week, and I thought it was obvious you and Natsu would be posing with me, Gray, Lucy, Wendy, Happy, and Carla.” She gave the barmaid next to her the stinkeye. “And then I hear this harlot spewing nonsense about ‘promises’ made… Delusional. You will be posing with us!”

            Mira pouted and side-glared at Erza.

            “But Lisanna will be quite disappointed if Natsu breaks his promise to her~.” She beamed at the dumbstruck Juvia, who was still possessively holding onto Natsu. “So you’ll be posing with us~.”

            Erza scoffed and crossed her arms. Her glare connected with Mira’s and sent an electric spark her way.

            “If Lisanna is so worked up over it, she can just pose with us. Problem solved.”

            Mira sent a spark back toward Erza’s glare.

            “Silly Erza~. Lisanna is a member of Team Mira, and therefore Natsu and Juvia are obligated to join us.”

            Everyone sweatdropped as the electricity intensified between their glares, and the two rivals got up in one another’s face. Looked like they were about to throw down like the old days, but Juvia didn’t care so much about that at the moment. Everyone else looked like they were fearing for their lives, but Juvia looked as if the gears were slowly turnin’ in that head of hers, and Natsu was, well… He was just happy to not be on the verge of losing his lunch because of the rapid back-and-forth between the two strongest females in Fairy Tail.

            “So Love Rivals were not fighting for Natsu-san’s heart…?” Juvia whispered in awe, making Natsu grin as he extricated himself from her possessive grip.

            “���Course not, you silly girl~. They were fightin’ over us, ‘cause we’re really good friends with both of ‘em! I wouldn’t let them steal me away from you, my sexy Water mage~.” Natsu grinned that grin of his that melted Juvia’s heart, and she cried out all too happily.

            “Muuuooo…! Let’s cuddle!” Juvia overenthusiastically tackled the Dragon Slayer to the floor with the biggest smile on her face. It was only then that Natsu noticed it…

            “… Are you wearin’ the spare clothes I left at your place?”

            “Juvia thought you would like seeing all of Juvia’s curves~."

            “…”

[ramajmedia]

Two And A Half Men: 10 Times The Show Broke Our Hearts

You don’t think of Two and a Half Men when you want a show that will make you feel sad. The show became a mockery of what it used to by its end, and all the heartbreaking moments dried up in favor of cheap jokes. 

RELATED: 10 Things That Make No Sense About Two And A Half Men

However, this only makes the earlier moments where the show was at its best stand out more, along with bringing the moments that signaled the series’ dip from quality in more of a stark light. We’re sure you’re still wondering when Two and a Half Men was so serious, so here are 10 times the show broke our hearts for you to see for yourself.

10 Alan Undergoing Lab Testing For Money

You can’t fault Alan for being such a cheapskate considering he had to shell out more than $4,000 a month just for alimony, and the poor guy had to dig deep into desperation to earn that amount.

We saw the worst of this in one episode, where Alan was shown undergoing lab testing of various kinds just so he had money to pay for his alimony and child support. It was played off for laughs, but seeing Alan undergo all those horrible side effects did break our heart for him to see the guy struggle so much.

9 Jake Stops Talking To Alan

Jake is a complete dummy, so it becomes a big deal when he starts taking things seriously. In Season 8, Jake was at his angriest when he found out Alan was having a secret relationship with Jake’s best friend’s mother. 

RELATED: 10 Things You Didn’t Know About That ‘80s Show

It was around this time that Jake stopped visiting Alan completely out of anger and refused to speak to his father. The surprise and hurt in Alan’s face were enough to make us feel sorry for him for being cut off from his own son’s life. It was the first time in a while that Two and a Half Men had felt very real.

8 Charlie Reflects On His Life

In one episode, Charlie’s visiting friend died after a lifetime of drinking and debauchery; this caused Charlie to rethink his own life. The show did a good job at getting around this too, as Charlie imagined his own funeral where he was disrespected by every attendee. 

RELATED: 10 Things That Make No Sense In Cheers

Those who know of Charlie Sheen’s exploits will have understood this was a kind of representation of how the actor must have felt in real life too, and it went a good way in humanizing the character who had been deep into his antics for quite a while by that point.

7 Charlie And Chelsea's Final Interaction

The entirety of Season 6 and Season 7 detailed the beginning, blossoming, and falling out of Charlie and Chelsea’s relationship. By its end, it was a shame seeing these two break up for good, as Chelsea had changed Charlie so much.

RELATED: Big Bang Theory: 10 Hilarious Sheldon Memes That Are Too Funny

Before Season 8 started, the hope was that Chelsea would return like so many of Charlie’s other love interests had, but their final interaction turned out to be definitive. The sad part is that both of them looked heartbroken for their relationship to be over, and there wasn’t anything particularly funny about it.

6 Charlie's First Death

Maybe Chuck Lorre thought he could get the fanbase to stop caring about Charlie Harper’s character by making a total mockery of him, but fans never got onboard with the revamp of Two and a Half Men.

RELATED: Every Chuck Lorre TV Show, Ranked

Even though Charlie Sheen was fired, fans had a liking toward his character on the show and to see his ashes being scattered around, while everyone present consistently joked about how horrible was, was not the farewell we wanted. It ended up being a sad episode rather than a funny one.

5 Charlie's Second Death

Again, Chuck just didn’t let go of his anger toward Sheen to give us a proper finale, and Two and a Half Men ended with Charlie Harper flattened by a piano. It would have been so much better to give us a heartfelt goodbye rather than a total fiasco that the finale was, and the sight of Charlie Harper’s death was just sad.

RELATED: Big Bang Theory: 10 Times Amy And Penny Were Friendship Goals

Four years since that finale, fans generally feel it’s a shame that the character went out the way he did. After all, they could have made it better by having an off-screen departure, but in-universe Charlie Harper was crushed to death, making this a very gruesome fact.

4 When Walden Threw His Ring In The Ocean

Like it was before, Alan was again down and out with his finances and needed something big to bail him out. Walden, being a millionaire, had in possession Bridget’s ring that was worth an eye-popping amount, which Alan attempted to pawn off.

When he couldn’t bring himself up to do it and returned it to Walden, the latter threw it in the ocean. Alan’s plight was very clear as we saw in his face all the money he could have had to bail himself out of his problems. You can’t help but feel for him at the “So close, yet so far” aspect of this situation.

3 When Jake "Grew Up"

Let’s be honest and admit none of us wanted to see Jake get all those grown-up storylines Alan and Charlie had. So, when the show did evolve into giving Jake adult-oriented angles, the fans were sad to see the little boy having grown up in a bad way.

This first happened in the Season 8 premiere, where we saw two girls escape from Jake’s room in the morning, having clearly spent the night there. By the episode’s end, there was confirmation that Jake really had been up to some adult stuff, which made us all sad that now he too was becoming like Charlie and that the innocence was gone.

2 Alan And Judith's Divorce Confirmation

In earlier days, Two and a Half Men had a lot of heart in it, and the best moment of this was when Jake consoled Alan for his divorce. Here, Charlie made Jake understand that Alan was hurting inside and that he was putting up a brave face for Jake’s sake, which got Jake to appreciate his father.

RELATED: Friends: 7 Reasons Ross And Rachel Really Were On A Break (& 3 Reasons They Weren’t)

It was both heartwarming and shattering to see Jake approach Alan for an impromptu hug, as it was made aware to the viewer that Alan could never be with his son completely now that Judith had brought him to his lowest point.

1 Every Time Charlie Admitted He Loved Alan

Yes, this should be heartwarming rather than sad, but we know that all of these brotherly scenes meant nothing in the overall context of the show. The times where Charlie begrudgingly admitted he loved Alan were the best parts of the series; however, in the end, their impact was negated.

The final episode of the series even had Alan worry that Charlie was alive and prefer him to be dead, which makes it clear that those brotherly times were there just for the sake of the episode rather than having weight on the show’s canon.

NEXT: How I Met Your Mother: 10 Best Songs Featured On The Show

source https://screenrant.com/two-half-men-times-show-broke-hearts/