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oceandolores · 2 months

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𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 | chapter 3

Dbf! Joel Miller x female reader

"𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦"

summary: After the incident, where past traumas resurface and threaten to unravel your fragile sense of security, Joel steps in as a protector. His presence becomes a beacon of comfort amidst the chaos.

warnings: 18+ only, Minors DNI, AU, No outbreak. (TW) mentions of substance abuse/alcohol use disorder, adult content, religion abuse, violence, blood gore, mentions of death, sexual abuse, sexual content, domestic violences, ped0ph!l1a, cann1bal!sm, human traff1ck1ng, r4p3, dad's best friend!Joel, HUGE age gap (i will not specify her exact age, but she's legal and Joel is 49), daddy issues, mentions of toxic family dynamic, Joel is widowed, Ellie is 16, angst, smut A LOT, forbidden relationship, soft and protective Joel, innocent and pure reader. your last name is Gibson. any other details will be explain throughout the story. inspired by the album Preacher's daughter by Ethel Cain and also mix with lana del rey vibes.

CHAPTER 3

masterlist of the series!

Previous | chapter 2

Next | chapter 4

The night when Jamie took your virginity by force felt like the moment the light within you was extinguished. It was as if the divine spark that once illuminated your soul was snuffed out, leaving behind a darkness that clung to you like a second skin. The purity you had cherished as a good Christian girl was shattered, and in its place, you felt an overwhelming sense of dirtiness. It was as if you had been marked, branded with an invisible scarlet letter that only you could see, yet you believed everyone else could see it too.

The past two months had been a relentless descent into a personal hell. You had become a ghost of your former self, your once vibrant spirit now a flickering ember. Physically, you were a shadow, your body wasting away as if your soul’s torment had seeped into your flesh. The weight of your violation bore down on you, leaving you with no desire to eat, to engage, to exist. Every day was a struggle against the ever-present feeling of disgust, the conviction that you were tainted beyond redemption.

In the eyes of others, you felt exposed, as if the sin of that night was etched into your very being. It was as if the words “dirty slut” were emblazoned across your skin, a silent condemnation that followed you everywhere. No matter where you went, the eyes of judgment seemed to follow, their silent accusations piercing your already wounded soul.

At school, you had withdrawn into yourself, a stark contrast to the lively girl you once were. You spoke to no one, even when you went to church, you avoiding Ellie, Tommy, and Maria. After class, you would rush home, seeking refuge in the solitude that had become both your sanctuary and your prison. Only Joel knew the truth of what had happened that night, and he had been your anchor in the storm.

After that night, you stayed at Joel’s. He had been nothing but gentle, his touch a stark contrast to the violence you had endured. He cleaned you up, gave you a bath, and ensured your privacy by standing near the tub with the curtain drawn, only intervening if you needed something. The care he showed you was the kind of protection you had longed for all your life. His presence was a balm to your wounded spirit, his protectiveness a shield against the darkness that threatened to consume you.

The morning after, you insisted on walking home, despite Joel’s offer to drive you. Your house was nearby, but in your daze, you had forgotten to inform your parents where you had been. As you walked through the front door, your father’s fury was immediate. "Where have you been?" he demanded, his voice a thunderous roar. "You didn’t tell us you were staying out. Do you have any idea how worried we were?"

"I stayed at Ellie’s," you lied, your voice barely above a whisper. "If you don’t believe me, you can call Joel."

Without hesitation, your father dialed Joel’s number. You stood there, heart pounding, as Joel answered. "Yes, she stayed with Ellie here last night," Joel confirmed, his voice steady. He kept his promise not to reveal the incident with Jamie, but your father’s anger was far from assuaged.

"Even so," your father raged, "you didn’t inform us. What’s next? You’ll become a whore, wandering the streets? Is that what you want?" His words cut deep, each one a dagger plunging into your already shattered heart. He berated you about the virtues of Christianity, reminding you of the sanctity of purity and obedience.

"You need to understand the importance of your faith," he lectured, his voice a relentless drone. "You must remain pure and obedient, not fall into sin like this."

You stood there, numb, the weight of his words adding to the already unbearable burden on your shoulders. The guilt and shame threatened to overwhelm you. Every word felt like another chain, binding you in your own personal hell.

"Take off your shirt and face the wall," your father ordered, his voice cold and commanding.

With trembling hands, you did as he said, the shirt you borrowed from Ellie slipping to the floor. You turned to the wall, feeling the roughness of the paint against your skin, a stark contrast to the softness you craved. Your father took his belt, the leather a familiar implement of punishment, and began to strike.

Each lash was a searing reminder of your perceived sins, each word of his condemnation a nail in the coffin of your spirit. "This is for your disobedience," he spat, the belt cracking against your skin. "This is for the whore you’re becoming."

You bit back your cries, the tears streaming down your face silently. You were too exhausted to scream, too broken to protest. The pain was overwhelming, but it felt deserved. In your mind, this was God’s punishment for your unholiness, a penance for the dirtiness you couldn’t wash away.

Your mother watched from the doorway, her eyes filled with helplessness. She didn’t intervene, just as she never had. Instead, she retreated to the living room, turning up the volume on the gospel music to drown out the sound of your father’s anger and your silent suffering.

With each strike, you closed your eyes, the pain coursing through you like fire. You envisioned yourself as a fallen angel, wings torn and bloodied, cast out from the grace you once knew. The purity you had cherished was gone, replaced by a deep, unending shame.

When it was over, you collapsed to the floor, your body trembling with the aftershocks of pain. You felt like a martyr, bearing the weight of your father’s righteousness, the gospel music a cruel hymn to your suffering. You were unworthy, unholy, and the punishment was your penance.

As you lay there, tears mingling with the cold floor, you prayed. Not for forgiveness, but for strength. "God, if You’re listening, help me endure this. Help me find a way to survive." Your prayer was a whisper in the storm, a desperate plea from a soul that had known too much darkness.

In that moment, you understood the depth of your isolation. Your purity was gone, your light extinguished, but a spark of defiance remained. You had survived this night, just as you had survived Jamie. And somehow, you would find a way to keep surviving, to reclaim the light that had been stolen from you.

***

The days that followed were a blur of silence and shadows. You moved through the house like a ghost, your presence barely acknowledged by your parents. Your father’s words echoed in your mind, a constant reminder of your perceived worthlessness. Every glance in the mirror revealed the invisible brand of shame you felt etched into your skin. You had become a stranger to yourself, lost in a labyrinth of guilt and self-loathing.

At school, you withdrew further into yourself, avoiding everyone’s gaze. Ellie noticed your absence, but you couldn’t bring yourself to explain. The weight of your secret was too heavy to share, the fear of judgment too great. You walked the halls with your head down, each step a reminder of the burden you carried.

A month had gone by, and now it was Sunday. The weight of another church service loomed over you. You had managed to somewhat regain a semblance of normalcy, but the shadows of that night continued to haunt you. Despite the slight improvement, you had been avoiding everyone, including Joel. His calls went unanswered, and you took alternate routes to avoid passing his house. The shame you felt was overwhelming. You had developed feelings for Joel, but you believed he would never want you now that you felt so dirty.

Joel, on the other hand, was deeply worried about you. His concern grew with each passing day. He would occasionally ask Tommy if he had seen you at church, but Tommy’s answers never provided the comfort Joel sought.

The night before Sunday, Joel decided to visit Tommy and Maria with Ellie, hoping to have a casual movie night. He needed an excuse to ask about you without raising suspicions.

As they settled in the living room, Tommy was setting up the movie. Joel took a seat next to him, glancing around at the familiar surroundings. Ellie and Maria were chatting in the kitchen, preparing snacks.

"So, how’ve things been?" Joel asked, trying to keep his tone light. "Busy with the kid, I bet."

Tommy chuckled, nodding. "Yeah, you know how it is. Little one keeps us on our toes. What about you? How's work been?"

"Same old, same old," Joel replied, leaning back in his chair. "Ellie's doing good in school, keeping me busy with all her activities."

Tommy smiled. "That’s good to hear. She’s a great kid."

Joel nodded, then took a deep breath, trying to steer the conversation. "Yeah, speaking of kids... you seen Gibson girl around lately? Maybe at church? Haven't seen her passing by my home."

Tommy frowned, scratching his head. "Yeah, now that you mention it, I haven't seen her at church either. And she's usually always around."

Joel tried to keep his voice casual, not wanting to raise suspicion. "Right," Joel answered, but his thoughts were far from the conversation at hand. He couldn't shake the image of you from his mind—the pain in your eyes, the way you had avoided him, the way your voice trembled when you last spoke. Every unanswered call, every sight of your empty path gnawed at him, filling him with a deep, gnawing worry.

He replayed that night over and over, the way you had clung to him, the way he had tried to provide comfort without crossing any lines. He had never felt so helpless, so desperate to protect someone, yet so unsure of how to do it. His heart ached with the thought of you suffering alone, believing you were dirty or unworthy.

"Joel?" Tommy's voice broke through his thoughts, pulling him back to the present. Joel blinked, realizing he had completely zoned out.

"Huh? What?" Joel said, shaking his head to clear the fog of worry. "Sorry, what did you say?"

Tommy gave him a curious look, tilting his head slightly. "I was asking if you wanted more popcorn, but you seemed a million miles away. Everything alright?"

Joel forced a smile, trying to mask the anxiety that churned within him. "Yeah, sorry just got a lot on my mind. But yeah, more popcorn sounds good."

Tommy didn't seem entirely convinced, but he let it go, standing up to refill the bowl. Joel watched him go, taking the moment to gather himself. He needed to find a way to reach you, to make sure you were alright without raising too much suspicion. The worry gnawed at him, a constant presence in the back of his mind.

As the movie continued, Joel found it hard to focus. His thoughts kept drifting back to you, hoping that you were finding some measure of peace, even as he felt his own slipping further away.

As the sun rose on Sunday, you prepared yourself with a painstaking precision. The morning light seemed to cast an unforgiving glow on your efforts, illuminating every detail of your attire and makeup. You adorned yourself in a soft yellow dress, a stark contrast to the stained white dress you had left behind—a symbol of a past tainted by invisible scars. Your hair was styled meticulously, and a light touch of makeup tried to mask the weariness in your eyes. It was as if you were trying to paint over the shadows that clung to you, hoping that the brightness of the yellow might somehow wash away the stains of your recent past.

Your father was adamant about you joining the service, and the pressure of his expectations weighed heavily on you. The town would be present, as it always was for these occasions, their curious eyes a stark reminder of your recent absence. You could feel their gazes, and you braced yourself for the inevitable scrutiny. The anticipation of stepping into the public eye once more was almost suffocating.

When you arrived at the church, you noticed Tommy and Maria’s car parked nearby, a sight that barely registered in your anxious state. But as you turned, your heart seemed to freeze. There, behind Tommy’s car, was a familiar truck—a vehicle you hadn’t expected to see in such a context. It was Joel’s truck.

Your breath hitched in your throat. Joel had decided to return to church after years of absence. The scene before you was a tableau of mixed emotions: the congregation’s whispers, the look of surprise on Tommy’s face, and your father’s exuberant welcome of Joel. The church buzzed with curiosity, and every eye seemed to turn toward Joel and the unexpected presence he brought with him. Your father’s enthusiasm was palpable as he greeted Joel, his gestures warm and welcoming. Tommy smiled, clearly pleased to see his brother, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

You, on the other hand, felt an overwhelming urge to disappear. The thought of facing Joel was almost too much to bear. The last time you had seen him, everything had been different. The thought of him seeing you in your current state, a mix of shame and unresolved feelings, was unbearable. You moved swiftly to avoid his gaze, slipping through the crowd like a wisp of smoke.

Joel's presence was a silent declaration of concern and hope. His return to the church was more than a gesture; it was an effort to reconnect, to understand why you had vanished so abruptly from his life. He couldn’t risk coming to your house and questioning your parents directly, as that would have been too conspicuous. Instead, he chose this public setting, hoping it might offer a chance to see you, to gauge your well-being without drawing undue attention.

Tommy and Ellie had been startled by Joel’s decision to attend church after all these years. To them, it was an unspoken mystery, a puzzle piece that didn't quite fit with the past patterns they knew. Tommy’s curiosity was evident, though he kept his questions at bay, respecting Joel’s unspoken wish for discretion.

As the service began, the room was filled with the familiar hymns and prayers. The sounds of the congregation’s voices blended into a backdrop of solemnity and devotion. You sat through the service, your mind a turbulent sea of emotions, while Joel’s presence at the back of the church was a constant, heavy reminder of your own turmoil.

Joel, despite his own feelings of discomfort in this sacred space, kept his gaze low, trying to remain unobtrusive. His concern for you overshadowed the solemnity of the service, his heart aching with the desire to reach out, to offer solace, but restrained by the fear of overstepping. The echoes of the sermon, the rustle of prayer books, and the collective murmur of the congregation seemed distant, as if you were trapped in a bubble of your own distress.

After the Sunday service, the church transformed into a space of community and fellowship. Tables were set up with an array of homemade dishes, and the congregation gathered for a communal meal. The aroma of comfort food filled the air, mingling with the murmur of conversations and the clinking of plates. It was a time for members of the congregation to connect, share news, and strengthen their bonds.

You moved through the gathering with practiced grace, helping your mother and father arrange the food and interact with the attendees. Your smile was a well-practiced mask, concealing the turmoil that churned beneath. You greeted old friends and acquaintances, your responses polite but distant. The effort to maintain this façade was exhausting, but you felt it was necessary to avoid further scrutiny.

As you made your way to the storage room in the church, a quiet refuge away from the bustling hall, you found yourself alone. The clamor of the gathering seemed a world away, and the space was filled with the scent of dust and old paper. You were organizing a stack of donation boxes when you heard the faint sound of footsteps approaching.

Turning around, you saw Joel standing in the doorway. His presence was like a sudden storm cloud on an otherwise clear day—unexpected and overwhelming. He looked at you with a mixture of concern and apprehension, his rugged face lined with worry. The weight of his gaze was almost palpable, and it seemed as though he was struggling to find the right words.

“Hey,” Joel said, his voice low and gravelly. He took a hesitant step forward, his hands stuffed into his pockets. The usual gruffness in his tone was softened by the underlying worry.

You shifted uncomfortably, caught off guard by his appearance. “Joel,” you managed to reply, trying to keep your voice steady despite the emotions welling up inside you. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Joel looked around the small room, as if searching for the right way to start the conversation. “Yeah, well,” he began, his gaze falling back on you. “I’ve been—” He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. “I’ve been worried about you. Haven’t seen you around much. I wanted to see if you’re okay.”

His words were simple, yet they carried the weight of his genuine concern. Joel was a man of action rather than words, and his struggle to articulate his feelings only highlighted how much he cared. He took another step closer, his eyes searching yours for a sign of how you were really doing.

“Joel,” you said, your voice trembling slightly, “did you come to church just for this? I’m fine. Really.”

Joel’s expression softened, but his concern remained palpable. “I’ve been tryin’ to reach you, and you’ve been avoidin’ me. It’s not like you to just disappear. I need to know—are you really okay?” he said, his voice tinged with a hint of frustration.

His words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of his worry. You looked away, struggling to find the right response. “I’ve just been dealing with things,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “I needed some time.”

Joel’s eyes narrowed slightly, his concern deepening. " You’ve been missin’ from school, from church, from everythin’. And don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve been keepin’ your distance."

You felt a pang of guilt at his words, the truth of your situation pressing heavily on your heart. “I'm fine, Joel” you said, struggling to keep your composure.

Joel’s gaze remained steady, a mixture of frustration and concern etched into his features. “Why’ve you been avoidin’ me?” he asked, his voice a blend of urgency and care. “You can’t keep runnin’ away from this. You keep pushin’ me away.”

You felt a sharp pang of guilt at his words, your heart twisting in your chest. The shame and the weight of your feelings made it difficult to meet his eyes. “I just—” you began, your voice faltering. “I didn’t want you to see me like this. I didn’t want you to see how... broken I am.”

Joel’s expression softened, his eyes filled with a mix of sadness and tenderness. “What are you talkin’ about?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re not broken. You’re still you. You don’t have nothin’ to be ashamed of.”

His words were a balm to your wounded spirit, yet the weight of your shame still felt suffocating. You shook your head, tears blurring your vision. “But I’ve changed,” you said, your voice cracking. “I feel like I’m not who I was before. I feel... dirty. Like I’m not even me anymore.”

Joel’s eyes softened as he noticed the tremble in your voice, the tears that began to fall. Without a second thought, he closed the distance between you, wrapping his arms around you in a tight, reassuring embrace. His touch was warm and steady, a stark contrast to the cold grip of your shame.

As he held you, Joel let his guard down, something he rarely allowed himself to do. The strength in his arms was a shield against the world, a sanctuary where you could momentarily escape the torment you had been living through. The gentle rise and fall of his chest, the steady rhythm of his breathing, provided a grounding comfort. This was more than a physical embrace; it was a silent promise of protection, akin to the way he had once shielded Ellie and Sarah.

“It’s alright,” Joel murmured into your hair, his voice low and soothing. “It’s not your fault, it's not your fault. Everything's gonna be alright, babygirl."

His words were like a balm to the raw wounds of your spirit, yet the weight of your emotions still felt heavy. You could sense the sincerity in his voice, a quiet strength that contrasted sharply with the tumult of your inner world. In his embrace, you could almost imagine the weight of your shame lifting, if only for a moment.

After a while, you slowly pulled away from Joel’s comforting hold, grateful for his presence. “Thank you, Joel,” you said softly, wiping away the remnants of your tears. Joel, ever the pragmatist, decided to lighten the mood with one of his characteristic jokes.

“You know,” he said with a crooked smile, “cryin’ like that might just mess up your makeup. And we wouldn’t want you lookin’ like a raccoon now, would we?”

His playful jest brought a genuine smile to your face, a rare and fleeting moment of joy. Joel’s eyes softened as he saw you smile, his own expression a mix of relief and affection. “That’s right, like that, doll,” he said, his voice warm.

He gently cupped your face, his rough fingers brushing away the last traces of tears. “You’re stronger than you think. Just gotta give yourself some credit. You ain’t broken, not by a long shot.”

Before you could respond, the sound of footsteps approached, and your mother appeared at the doorway of the storage room. Her cheerful voice cut through the tension. “Sweetheart, what’s taking so long? Did you find everything?”

You and Joel quickly pulled away from each other, making a show of straightening up and wiping your faces. “Umm, yes mother, I-I found it,” you said, trying to sound casual.

Your mother’s eyes fell on Joel, her eyebrows lifting in surprise. “Joel? What are you doing here?”

Joel cleared his throat, trying to mask the unease in his voice. “Hey, Evelyn, I, uh, just looking around the church again. Almost forgot how it looks from the inside, you know? It’s been a while.”

Your mother, ever the bubbly personality, clapped her hands together. “Oh, that’s wonderful! We’re so glad to see you back. You know, you should come more often. It’s always nice to have you around. It’s been such a long time!”

Joel nodded, his eyes flicking back to you with a hint of concern. “Yeah, I’ll think about it. Just felt like catching up with old times.”

Your mother beamed at Joel, her enthusiasm unwavering. “Well, that’s fantastic. You must join us for some of the refreshments afterward. It’s a potluck today, and there’s plenty of food. Everyone’s been asking about you.”

Joel gave a polite smile, trying to hide his discomfort. “Sure thing. I’ll stick around for a bit.”

As your mother continued to chat with Joel, her cheerful demeanor filling the room with a lightness that contrasted sharply with the earlier tension, you took the opportunity to discreetly collect yourself. You adjusted your dress and smoothed out your makeup, trying to regain your composure.

Joel, noticing the change in your demeanor, shot you a small, reassuring smile before turning his attention back to your mother.

Your mother excuse herself to go out but lookback to you, “Oh, sweetheart, I almost forgot. We need help with the setup for the refreshments,”

You quickly nodded. “Yes, I’ll take care of it, Mama." and she went to outside.

You and Joel moved outside too, where the atmosphere of the church’s potluck was in full swing. The laughter and chatter of the congregation filled the air, mingling with the scent of freshly baked goods and savory dishes. Joel, despite his unease, tried to adapt to the social scene, engaging with the women who flocked to him. He was a striking figure, with his salt-and-pepper beard and intense brown eyes that had a rugged charm to them. The women, clearly drawn to his distinguished appearance and the success he embodied, tried to catch his attention, though Joel’s discomfort was palpable. He offered polite smiles and brief responses, all the while his gaze frequently wandered back to you.

You moved among the congregation, offering refreshments and engaging in small talk, your presence like a breath of fresh air amidst the busier, more boisterous interactions. To Joel, you appeared as a serene vision—an innocent beauty despite everything. There was something ethereal about you, a delicate grace that made you stand out among the crowd. Your yellow dress seemed to shimmer with a soft glow, as if capturing the very essence of spring's first light.

Joel’s eyes lingered on you, the sight of your genuine smile and the way you interacted with others tugging at something deep within him. You were like a lone daisy in a field of wildflowers, untouched by the wilting sun. His admiration for you was undeniable, though it was mingled with concern and protectiveness.

Suddenly, as you were handing out refreshments, he noticed a boy approaching you. He moved with a kind of familiar swagger, and Joel’s heart skipped a beat as he recognized him—Jamie Lee. The sight of Jamie sent a shiver down Joel’s spine, and a protective instinct surged through him. He watched, tense and alert, as Jamie neared you.

Jamie’s presence was like a shadow falling over your radiant light. Joel’s gaze hardened, his focus narrowing. He could see the unease in your posture, the way you instinctively took a step back. The fear in your eyes was palpable, and it made Joel’s fists clench at his sides.

Joel, unable to stand idly by, started making his way towards you. His movements were deliberate and calculated, every step driven by a fierce determination to protect you.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions before turning back to Jamie. The confrontation had left a bitter taste in your mouth, and you approached him with a cold, composed demeanor.

Jamie, noticing your icy response, shifted uncomfortably. “Hey,” he started, his voice trying to sound casual but laced with an apologetic tone. “I didn’t mean to, you know, I was just—”

"Get off from my face," you said quietly doesn't want to make a scene.

amie’s face twisted into a desperate mask of fear as he took another step closer. “Look, I’m really sorry,” he said, his voice trembling. “Just... just listen to me. I didn’t mean to—”

“Get off from my face,” you repeated, your voice barely a whisper but sharp as a blade. Your hands trembled slightly as you tried to push him away, but Jamie persisted, his fear morphing into a desperate, unsettling urgency. “Please, just leave me alone.”

Jamie’s panic grew. He began to reach out, trying to grab your arm. “You don’t understand. I need you to—”

Before he could touch you, Joel’s imposing figure appeared, his presence radiating a quiet, intimidating authority. His eyes narrowed as he assessed the situation, the protective instincts within him coming to the forefront. “What’s goin’ on here?” Joel’s voice was steady, yet carried a dangerous edge that made Jamie freeze.

Jamie’s eyes widened in recognition. “Mr. Miller!” he stammered, backing away slightly. “I—uh—”

Joel’s gaze shifted to you, noticing the fear and distress on your face. He took a step closer to you, his body language radiating both calm and control. “Gibson, you alright?” he asked softly, his voice a reassuring balm amidst the tension.

You nodded, though your face was pale and your eyes betrayed the turmoil within. “Yes, I’m fine. Just... I need to go," You trying to gave Joel a smile and then walk away continue what you were doing.

Joel watched you walk away, his protective instincts still simmering beneath the surface. Once you were out of sight, Joel turned his full attention back to Jamie, his expression hardening.

“Hey, Jamie,” Joel said, his voice low and controlled. “How’s your old man? Still keepin’ busy with the firm?”

Jamie seemed to relax slightly, though his eyes still flicked nervously between Joel and the direction you had gone. “Uh, yeah, he’s doing alright,” Jamie replied, trying to sound casual. “Still busy as ever. You know how it is.”

Joel’s gaze was unwavering, a subtle intensity in his eyes that Jamie seemed to sense but couldn’t quite place. “And what about you? What’ve you been up to lately?”

Jamie fidgeted, rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh, just... you know, school and stuff. Nothing too exciting.”

Joel nodded slowly, maintaining a calm exterior while his mind worked through his options. “Right, right. Well, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you around. Thought I’d come back to the old church, see how things are goin’.”

Jamie’s eyes darted nervously. “Yeah, it’s been a while,” he said, his voice faltering. “So, uh, what brings you back? I thought you hadn’t been around for years.”

Joel’s smile was tight, the warmth of it not quite reaching his eyes. “Just felt like it was time to reconnect. Thought I’d check in on the old place, you know?"

Jamie seemed to relax a bit more, although his discomfort lingered. “Yeah, well, it’s good to see you,” he said awkwardly. “Things are... different, but you know how it is.”

Joel’s gaze remained steady, a quiet storm of thoughts behind his calm facade. “Yeah, I know how it is,” he said, his tone measured. “Well, Jamie, I’m glad we had a chance to catch up. I'll see you around,"

Jamie’s face was a mask of confusion and relief as he nodded quickly. “Yeah, see you around, Mr. Miller.”

As Jamie walked away, Joel’s eyes followed him, a thoughtful frown settling on his face. He knew there was more beneath the surface, and he was determined to uncover it, but for now, he kept his thoughts to himself.

Joel took a deep breath, his gaze returning to where you had disappeared. He knew that protecting you and making sure you felt safe was his priority now. The façade of casual conversation was just that—a façade.

Joel watched you slip away from the crowd, a cloud of worry settling over him. His thoughts were a maelstrom of concern and determination, but before he could follow, he was waylaid by several familiar faces. They were eager to catch up, their questions and greetings a barrier he couldn’t easily cross. He tried to be polite, nodding and offering half-hearted responses, all the while his mind remained focused on you.

Meanwhile, you navigated the church grounds with a heavy heart, your steps driven by a desperate need for solitude. You approached your father with a feigned urgency. “Papa, I need to leave early. I have a test tomorrow and I need a book from the library,” you said, your voice trembling slightly but with a determined edge.

Your father, engrossed in the after-church festivities, waved you off with little more than a distracted nod. “Alright, just be back before dark,” he called after you, his attention already shifting back to the conversation he was engaged in.

With a sigh of relief, you made your way to the edge of the church grounds, your thoughts a tangled mess of despair and shame. The path to the lake felt like a journey through an emotional wilderness. Each step seemed to echo the emptiness inside you, the trees and underbrush closing in like the walls of your own confinement.

As you walked, the weight of your thoughts felt like an oppressive fog, obscuring any sense of clarity or peace. The forest surrounding the path seemed to mirror your inner turmoil—dark, tangled, and impenetrable. The chirping of distant birds and the rustling leaves became a muted symphony to your solitary reflection, their sounds like distant whispers of a world you felt disconnected from.

Reaching the lake, you sank down onto the grassy bank, the weight of the past weeks pressing heavily on your shoulders. The water’s surface was a mirror of your own fractured soul—rippled and distorted, reflecting the tangled mess of your emotions. You fished out a crumpled pack of cigarettes and a flask from beneath your jacket, your hands shaking slightly. The cigarettes were a crutch, a way to cope with the stress that had become almost unbearable.

Lighting a cigarette, you took a long drag, the smoke curling up into the air like a wisp of your own troubles being released. You retrieved the flask, unscrewing the cap and taking a swig of the whiskey you had managed to sneak away. The warmth of the alcohol spread through you, a fleeting comfort in the midst of your turmoil. It was a bitter solace, a way to dull the sharp edges of your pain, but it never truly erased the deep ache within.

The lake, now dimming in the encroaching twilight, seemed to embrace your solitude. Its surface reflected the last rays of sunlight, shimmering like scattered fragments of hope amidst the darkness. You leaned back, the grass beneath you soft and cool, the calmness of the lake providing a deceptive sense of tranquility.

As you looked out over the water, your thoughts drifted like the gentle ripples across the lake’s surface. The recent events played out in your mind like a series of shadowy figures, each one a reminder of how your life had spiraled into this moment of isolation and despair. You clung to the fleeting moments of numbness provided by the whiskey and smoke, trying to drown out the crushing weight of your reality.

Joel, meanwhile, managed to extricate himself from the crowd of well-wishers. His concern for you was a constant pull, a magnetic force guiding him towards you. As he scanned the area around the church, his eyes caught sight of your disappearing figure, and he felt a renewed urgency to follow.

The lake stretched out before you, its surface a placid mirror reflecting the fading light of day. The gentle rustle of leaves and the distant calls of birds seemed like distant echoes compared to the chaos in your mind. You lay on the grass, feeling the cool, damp earth beneath you, and the weight of Jamie Lee’s presence still heavy on your soul. Each ripple in the lake's surface seemed to mimic the turbulent waves of your thoughts—crashing, receding, only to rise again with relentless force.

You had managed to slip away from the crowd, the world around you feeling far removed from the comforting isolation you sought. As you stared out over the lake, the thoughts of Jamie’s unwelcome reappearance, the haunting memories, and the crushing fear of being trapped in this endless cycle of pain and shame twisted through your mind. You were desperate for a way out, a new beginning, a place where you could shed the weight of your past and start anew. But for now, all you could do was lie there, the whispers of the forest around you a faint consolation against the storm within.

Then, breaking through the oppressive silence, a voice reached you. "Thought I found you here."

The sound of Joel’s voice was a stark contrast to the turmoil you felt inside. You turned slowly, your heart pounding as you saw him emerging from the trees. His presence was a tether to reality, grounding you amidst the chaos. His gaze was soft but intense, filled with a concern that seemed to pierce through the veil of your anguish.

Joel walked over to you with deliberate steps, his expression a mix of determination and empathy. He settled beside you on the grass, his body language a silent promise of protection and understanding. The familiarity of his presence was both a comfort and a reminder of the stark contrast between your own inner darkness and his unwavering support.

“You okay?” he asked, his voice gentle but laced with genuine worry.

You didn’t immediately respond, the weight of your emotions rendering you almost speechless. The silence stretched between you, a fragile bridge spanning the gap between your fractured state and his steady presence. Joel’s eyes, dark and intense, held yours with an unwavering focus, as if trying to read the secrets written in your sorrow.

“I don’t know how to make it stop,” you finally said, your voice trembling. “Everything feels like it’s falling apart, and I keep trying to run away from it. But every time I think I’m getting away, it all just catches up with me.”

Joel’s expression was a mix of deep concern and frustration as he watched you struggle to keep your composure. “I’m here for you,” he said softly, his voice carrying a weight of earnest reassurance.

As Joel reached out to place a comforting hand on your shoulder, you flinched as though struck, your body reacting involuntarily to the touch. Joel pulled his hand back, a flash of confusion crossing his face. “Hey, what’s goin’ on?” he asked, his tone gentler now. “What’s wrong?”

You quickly shook your head, trying to mask the truth. “It’s nothing, Joel. I’m fine,” you insisted, though the tremor in your voice betrayed your distress.

Joel’s eyes narrowed with concern. It was clear to him that there was more to your reaction than you were letting on. “You’re not fine,” he said firmly. “You're hidin' something, let me see your back,"

“I’m fine, Joel,” you insisted, trying to back away from him. Your voice was steadier now, but your heart was racing.

Joel’s face was set in grim determination. “No, you’re not. If you don’t show me, I’m gonna keep pushin’. I can see it in your eyes—you’re in pain, and I need to know why.”

When you continued to resist, Joel’s frustration reached its peak. “You gotta trust me,” he said, his voice harsh but filled with a desperate edge.

Unable to bear his insistence any longer, you shouted, “Joel, stop! I said I’m fine!” The raw pain and fear in your voice were undeniable, and Joel’s eyes softened for a moment, but his resolve remained unshaken.

Joel’s expression hardened. “I’m not lettin’ this go,” he said firmly. He gently but firmly reached for the hem of your dress, pulling it down further to expose the scars on your back. His movements were deliberate and careful, but his eyes were filled with a cold intensity that brooked no argument.

As he revealed the cruel marks etched into your skin, his anger became more apparent. His gaze swept over the scars—long, angry lines, some still raw and others faded but no less painful. Each mark told a story of suffering, and Joel’s jaw clenched in response.

Joel’s eyes darkened, his voice strained with barely controlled rage. “Who did this to you?” he asked, his tone growing colder with each word. “Who did this to you?"

"It's... It's my father," you replied, your voice barely more than a whisper. The confession felt like a stone lodged in your throat, its weight choking you.

Joel closed his eyes momentarily, fighting to contain the storm of anger threatening to erupt. His fists clenched at his sides, his jaw working as he muttered curses under his breath. The fury simmering just below the surface was palpable.

“How long has this been goin’ on?” he asked, his voice hoarse with emotion. “How long have you been dealin’ with this?”

“Since forever,” you said quietly, your shoulders sagging under the weight of your admission.

"Does your mother know?" Joel asked, you nodded.

“My mother knows, but she’s too scared to do anything. It’s... ironic, really. Just a few months ago, he was giving advice to Tommy about parenting, acting like some holy figure, but he's nothing but a hypocrite.” You try to lighten up.

Joel’s face contorted with a mix of disbelief and disgust. He stood abruptly, his movements sharp and decisive.

You scrambled to your feet, desperation gripping you. “Joel, where are you going?! please,” you said, your voice trembling. “Don’t do anything. Please, just let it be. This is my fault. I made him angry. I deserve this. Please, don’t make it worse. I can’t handle more trouble.”

Joel’s gaze was intense, his anger still visible but mixed with concern. “Are you fucking crazy?!” he shouted, his voice echoing across the still lake. “This ain’t your fault!” His outburst was raw, his frustration spilling over.

You flinched, your body instinctively drawing back from the intensity of his anger. The sudden surge of emotion was overwhelming, and you could feel the fear rise in your chest, a cold shiver racing down your spine.

Joel’s expression softened as he saw your reaction, his own anger faltering in the face of your fear. He took a deep breath, trying to regain control. “I’m sorry," he said, his voice rough but gentler now. “I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just... seeing what he’s done to you...”

You took a shaky breath, trying to steady yourself. “I know, I know, Joel,” you whispered. “I just don’t know how to handle this. I’m scared, and I feel like everything’s falling apart.”

Joel’s eyes, usually so guarded, now reflected a rare vulnerability. “You don’t need to be scared,” he said, his voice softer, like a steady hand in the darkness. “I’m here for you."

The night air felt colder, but Joel’s presence was a warm, unspoken promise. His rough exterior hid a well of compassion, and though he struggled to find the right words, his actions spoke volumes. He gently pressed his forehead to yours, their breaths mingling in the space between them. “I’ll keep you safe,” he vowed, his voice a low murmur. “I promise,"

The contact of his forehead against yours was a silent, grounding connection. It was a gesture filled with the weight of his resolve and the depth of his commitment. The orange sky seemed to hold its breath, the world narrowing down to the two of you in that fragile moment of solace.

“Why are you doing this?” you asked softly, your voice tinged with confusion and vulnerability. “Why are you helping me like this?”

Joel pulled back just enough to meet your gaze, his eyes searching for the right words. He honestly didn’t know, not really, why he felt this way. Why the protective instinct was so strong, why his heart ached with a depth he hadn’t felt before. This wasn’t like his feelings for Ellie or Sarah; it was different, an enigma wrapped in the folds of his hardened exterior. He was trying to piece it together, to make sense of the emotions that seemed to defy all his usual defenses.

Inside your head, the sensation was equally foreign but profoundly powerful. It was as if, for the first time, you were standing on the edge of a cliff, gazing at an ocean of comfort and care you had only ever dreamed of. The feelings you had longed for, the protection and the tenderness, were now here, enveloping you like a warm, protective cocoon. The stark contrast between this new sense of safety and the pain you had endured made the emotions even more intense.

Joel’s presence was like a lighthouse in a storm, a beacon that cut through the darkness of your fears and insecurities. The connection between you was electric, a thread that wove itself into the very fabric of your being. It was as if every touch, every glance, was an echo of a deep-seated need for solace and understanding. In his gaze, you found not just protection but a promise of something more, something you had never allowed yourself to fully believe in.

As the sky deepened around you, the intimacy of the moment became undeniable. You wanted to close the distance, to feel the warmth of his lips against yours, to make this bond even more tangible. But there was a hesitation—a barrier of years and experiences, a chasm you weren’t sure you could or should cross. Joel was older, a figure who had always seemed out of reach, yet now he was the focal point of a desire that was both thrilling and terrifying.

In your mind, the longing was like a fragile flower blossoming in the dark—a tender, delicate thing that had been waiting for the right moment to bloom. You felt a pull toward him that went beyond mere comfort; it was a magnetic force that drew you closer, promising a kind of connection you hadn’t thought possible.

You wanted to kiss him, to bridge the gap between what was and what could be, but the uncertainty lingered. Would he reciprocate, or would the age difference and the complexities of your feelings stand in the way? The desire was there, shimmering like moonlight on still water, but you were unsure if this was a path you should walk or a dream too fragile to grasp.

Joel's presence was an anchor, grounding you in a moment of clarity and vulnerability. The depth of what you felt for him was new and frightening, like navigating a starless sea in search of a shore you hoped existed. In the silence that followed, you could almost hear the unspoken questions hanging in the air between you, a testament to the complex dance of emotion and need that neither of you could fully understand but both could feel.

Driven by the raw need to bridge the chasm between what was and what could be, you made a sudden, bold decision. You leaned in, closing the distance between you with a desperate and trembling kiss.

The moment your lips met his, Joel’s eyes widened in shock. He had not expected this, and for a heartbeat, he was paralyzed, caught between instinct and confusion. It felt like an electric jolt had surged through him, awakening something deep and primal. His heart raced, and his breath hitched as he processed the reality of your kiss.

But as the shock wore off, something else stirred within him—a burgeoning need that mirrored your own. The kiss, so raw and honest, ignited a flame that Joel had long kept buried under layers of grief and stoicism. He felt the world narrow to just the two of you, a universe where the complexities of age and propriety faded into insignificance.

Without fully realizing it, Joel responded with a fervor that surprised even him. His hands cupped your face gently but firmly, drawing you closer. The kiss deepened, becoming more urgent and passionate, a dance of newfound desire and connection. It was as if each touch, each movement, was a revelation, a discovery of a shared longing that neither of you had fully acknowledged until this very moment.

Joel's kiss was eager, almost desperate. The way he pulled you closer, the intensity of his touch—it was as if he was trying to anchor himself to this fragile but profound connection. His initial shock gave way to an overwhelming need to reciprocate, to explore the emotions that had been unearthed by your bold move.

For both of you, this kiss was a turning point, a leap into a new realm of intimacy and understanding. It was more than just physical; it was an acknowledgment of the depth of feeling that had been building between you. The night around you seemed to hold its breath, as if waiting for this moment to solidify into something undeniably real.

When you finally pulled back, both of you were breathless, your faces flushed with a mix of exhilaration and uncertainty. Joel’s gaze was softer now, his eyes reflecting a blend of awe and desire. He reached out, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face, his touch tender.

“Doll,” Joel said, his voice a rough whisper as he pulled back slightly. “I’m sorry, Joel.” The realization of what had just happened washed over you like a cold wave, leaving you feeling vulnerable and uncertain.

Joel shook his head gently, his gaze steady and reassuring. “No, it’s okay,” he said, his tone firm yet tender. “It’s okay. you're alright, you'll be fine, I promise."

You nodded, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. The sky was growing darker, the first hints of night casting long shadows across the lake. You knew you needed to head back before your father’s anger took a new form, a punishment you feared more than the quiet storm that had just passed between you and Joel.

Joel’s hand lingered on your shoulder, his grip warm and steady. “Do you want a ride back?” he asked, his concern evident.

“No, it’s alright,” you replied, shaking your head with a small, weary smile. “Just… go back to the church. Say goodbye to everyone, Joel.”

Joel hesitated, his expression a mix of reluctance and understanding. “Alright,” he said, but before turning to go, you couldn’t help but add a touch of humor to lighten the mood.

“Hey, are you gonna become a regular at the church again?” you said, forcing a grin. “You’ve been MIA for years, and now you show up just to connect with me? What’s next, a testimonial about divine intervention?”

Joel chuckled, the sound a rare and genuine escape from the weight of the moment. “I wouldn’t hold my breath,” he replied with a wry smile. “But maybe I’ll drop by once in a while, if only to make sure you’re still alright.”

You both shared a brief, understanding smile. It was a fleeting but comforting connection amidst the chaos of emotions and revelations.

Before parting ways, Joel gave you a warm hug, his embrace firm yet tender. He pulled back slightly and placed a soft kiss on your cheek, a gesture that carried more warmth and affection than words could convey. It was a promise, a silent vow of protection and care, even if he wasn’t entirely sure of the depths of his own feelings.

“Stay safe,” Joel said, his voice gentle but earnest. “I’ll see you around.”

As Joel walked away, his figure blending into the shadows, you turned and began your journey back home. The cool night air brushed against your skin, a stark contrast to the warmth that Joel had left behind. The path ahead was dimly lit by the moonlight, each step resonating with a mix of hope and uncertainty.

In your mind, the night’s events replayed like a vivid dream. The touch of Joel’s hand, the tenderness of his kiss, and the tangled emotions you felt were all swirling together, creating a new and unfamiliar reality. You felt like you had crossed a threshold, where the lines between safety and danger, affection and fear, had become blurred.

The lake, once a silent witness to your sorrow, now seemed like a distant memory. It was as if you had left it behind, stepping into a new world where the echoes of the night and the promise of something different lingered like a soft whisper.

As you entered your home, the weight of the night’s revelations settled heavily on your shoulders. Each step felt like a delicate balance between the pain you had known and the uncertain hope that now lay ahead. Today had ended with its own kind of twilight, a space between the darkness of the past and the uncertain dawn of the future.

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navybrat817 · 9 months

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The Dad Diaries: Checkup

Pairing: Dad!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: Jamie is a little fussy after his doctor appointment and Bucky continues to admire your strength. Word Count: Over 1.8k Warnings: Fluff, reflecting, first time dad, slight feels (it's me), parenthood, tired parent, shots / needles referenced, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning and a dad, okay?). A/N: Next part of The Dad Diaries! Hope you lovelies enjoy. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Bucky was in the kitchen rinsing off the dishes from dinner when he heard a wailing cry break through the peaceful evening. He dried his hands and told himself not to rush toward the nursery as all other sounds faded into the background, but his feet moved quickly anyway. His body seemed to move on instinct when it came to you and your son since the two of you were his world. And he would do whatever he could to keep you safe and happy.

Another cry rang out as Bucky got to the hall. Somehow, and it must have either been some form of magic or your motherly instinct to comfort your baby, you beat him to the nursery. “It’s okay, Jamie. Mama's here,” you soothed as you carefully picked your son up and cradled him against your chest. “Shh,” you whispered in his ear, your eyes closing as the cries began to get a little softer.

It broke the former sergeant’s heart a bit each time he heard his son cry. He knew you felt the same way. You were empathetic and protective before you had Jamie, but his cries increased your emotions.

A smile touched Bucky's lips as he observed the two of you, his heart warm and full. The longer you held Jamie, the quieter he became. He curled against you like all he needed was the warmth of your loving embrace. In return, you held him like you had the whole world in your hands.

Love would always show up in the ordinary moments because you made them extraordinary.

As touching as the sight was, Bucky sensed how tired you were. He saw it in the slightly strained smile you gave him when you opened your eyes and the way your body sagged as you swayed back and forth to soothe Jaime. You hadn't gotten nearly enough rest today and completely missed your nap after nursing earlier. That wouldn’t do.

Not on his watch.

“Hey,” Bucky said softly enough to not spook Jamie. “Need me to take him?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ve got him,” you replied as your son gripped your shirt with his tiny hand, a silent message to his dad to let him snuggle with his mom a little bit longer. “He’s just a little fussy.”

Bucky nodded as he walked into the room. The doctor warned them to expect some fussiness over the next couple of days thanks to his appointment. “But he isn’t in any pain?” He asked, hurt flooding his blue eyes just from imagining it.

Your gaze softened as you shook your head. “Not that I can tell,” you said. Both of you were observant when it came to Jamie. You picked up on cues and looked for anything out of the ordinary. “I think he’s okay.”

That helped Bucky breathe a bit easier. “And you’re sure I can't take him so you can get some rest?” He asked, not wanting to push, but also a second away from telling you to sit in the rocking chair. You headed toward it and carefully took a seat before he could open his mouth again, as if you sensed what he was about to say.

“I’ll take a nap in a few minutes,” you promised, giving him another small smile. “I just want to hold him a little bit longer.”

Bucky conceded as he put a blue blanket over both of you. Soft and covered in stars, it would keep you both warm. “I still can't believe how big he’s getting,” he said, brushing a finger along his son's soft cheek.

How was it a month already since he blessed your lives?

“Big and strong,” you said, glancing down with a fond smile before looking up again. “Just like his daddy.”

Bucky’s cheeks tinged from the compliment. “He's strong because of his mommy. And beautiful.”

You fought a yawn, but he saw the happiness in your eyes at his words. “He gets that from both of us.”

Jamie scrunched his face before he nuzzled his head against you with a tiny sound, making the brunette chuckle. “Okay, okay. Enjoy your snuggles with your Mama,” he whispered as he bent down and kissed the top of his son’s soft head. He stilled for a moment as he let his soothing scent wash over him. “I’ll be in my office.”

“Okay. I’ll call for you when I’m done,” you said, shutting your eyes when he kissed the top of your head, too.

He dimmed the lights once he crossed the room, but stopped to look back and observe the tender moment between you two a bit longer. It was picture perfect and had his heart swelling again before he went to his office. His journal awaited him at his desk and he got to work with his latest entry.

Hey, Nugget, You’re currently cuddled up with your mom in the nursery and I don’t blame you for soaking up the snuggles. It was a big day for you! Your one month checkup. I still can’t believe it’s been a month since you came into our lives. It seems like yesterday.

Is it too early to say I want time to slow down?

I'm happy to report that you are on track. Your height and weight are on the charts where they should be. You're hitting the usual milestones, which came as no surprise to me. You are my son after all.

A joke. I'm a little more humble than that. I think you're on track because of your Mama, but she’ll argue and say it’s because of both of us. Either way, the pediatrician didn’t look at all surprised that you were doing well. The receptionist and nurses also fawned over how adorable you are.

Again, you got that from your Mama, even if she says again that you got it from both of us.

Bucky stole a glance at the monitor where you continued to rock Jamie in the chair. He had to smile at the sight. You weren’t quite asleep, but were dangerously close. He’d have to finish up his entry quickly so he could get you to bed.

I’ll be honest. I wasn’t sure about the pediatrician at first. I think he directed most of your questions to your mom since I kept glaring at him. I couldn’t help myself. We did a lot of research to make sure you’d get the best care possible. Even though he’s highly recommended and probably one of the nicest men I’ve ever met in my life, you’re my son and it’s hard to hand you over to someone else to care for you.

Except for your Mama. She is always the exception to the rule.

Bucky let out a breath, gripping the pen a bit tighter.

I knew going into the appointment today that you would have to get a couple of shots. Needles don’t exactly scare me and I knew it was for your own good, but I never hated them until today. I must’ve given the nurse a dirty look, too, because she avoided looking at me and asked your mom to hold you still so she could administer the shots. In fact, I know I glared because your mom elbowed my side and whispered, “Stop that. They’re helping our son.”

You’ll learn later in life that your mom is always right.

I still did my best to stay calm and distract you by making a funny face. I didn't want you to sense that I was worried, but I was because I knew you’d be in pain. And even though the pain would only last for a second, I knew I was powerless to stop it.

At that moment, I was helpless.

He swallowed as he recalled the piercing scream Jamie let out when the needle pricked his thigh. It twisted his gut so painfully that he feared he’d get sick and he had to refrain from taking him away from the nurse. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to the shots or cries with any of the upcoming appointments.

It should come as no surprise that your mom continued to be a pillar of calm and strength as the nurse gave you two shots and applied your band aids. Whereas I was like a wave crashing against the shores in my mind, she was the rock that braved the storm and didn’t budge. She told you how big and strong you were, like me, when she picked you up and your cries eventually stopped as she held you against her chest.

I wonder if it was her voice that calmed you down. It could’ve been her smell. She does smell good. Maybe her touch. Her heartbeat. Probably everything.

We both love her so much.

Bucky wondered if the shots bothered you more than let on. Maybe that was why you were so keen to hold him even though you needed sleep. Maybe you needed the comfort as much as your son did.

As I watched her hold you, it took me a moment to breathe again so I could try and provide some sort of comfort to you. As your father, I want to protect you from the pain of the world. But pain is the body’s warning system to protect us from harm and sometimes inevitable. Today reminded me that I won’t always be able to protect you from it and that I can’t let my negative emotions or fear get in the way of helping you after. It’s another reason why I admire your mother.

She validated your pain, but stayed strong for you because you needed that. It’s something that I’m still learning. It doesn’t make me any less of a good dad because of that. There’s no manual for dealing with these emotions. We just have to figure out how to weather the storm.

Because we’re strong apart, but even stronger together.

“Bucky?” You asked, your voice gently ringing out through the monitor. “It’s your turn.”

He smiled before jotting one more thing down.

And if you’re ever hurting or just need a helping hand, I’ll be there.

Until next time, I love you.

Always,

Dad

Bucky didn’t hesitate to go to the nursery once he finished up to take his son from your arms, a look of understanding passing between the two of you. Parenting was an emotional rollercoaster full of ups and downs and twists and turns. Being a father was one of the hardest jobs he’d ever had, but it was also the most rewarding. He still didn’t really know what he was doing, but he was trying and didn’t have to go through it alone.

And as Jamie leaned into him with you resting close by, that was the best reward he could ask for today.

Bucky is doing a wonderful job. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

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xxgoblin-dumplingxx · 1 month

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let the plot bunnies run wild babes

"Eat, guys," you tell them. "I'm just going to change real quick."

"You don't have to-" Vanessa started to protest but you wave off her concerns.

"I like this shirt and I wanna get it in cold water anyway." You answer shrugging. "Eat," you press, "Christ I'm not dying and I refuse to have people go hungry after I cooked all day." You start towards the bedroom and call over your shoulder, "Logan, help yourself to the beer in the fridge. I'd tell Wade to get it but he's shit with bottle openers."

"I have delicate hands," Wade protested.

Logan rolled his eyes but took you up on the offer. It felt weird eating food you cooked while you weren't sitting there. Even if you clearly didn't mind. And it gave him a chance to see more of your space without being weird.

Younger than Wade but more mature somehow. Wade wasn't a slob exactly. But it was clear you were more settled. You wanted stability. Your kitchen wasn't large but you made do and made the most of the space. Photos on the fridge. You with friends. With your brother. Some pretty old. Wade had you on his shoulders in one. You would have been maybe 6 or 7 and you look sick. But at least for then you're beaming. Another is a birthday, Logan assumes. Wade's. You're on one side and Vanessa is on the other kissing his cheeks. You're older. Grown. The childish roundness is gone from your features but there's still puppy fat- you haven't quite grown into yourself yet.

Friends. Parents. Trigger. Wade. All there. But no boyfriends? He heard Vanessa ask about a date but Wade's yammering drowned out your answer. Weird that there wasn't one. You're a cute kid.

He shook his head and grabbed a beer popping the top and putting it in the cup marked "tops only" on the counter that had pop tabs and bottle caps in it. And went back to his seat, relieved when you walked out of the bedroom.

"Much better now that I don't feel like a horror movie extra," you declare, taking a seat.

"Extra?" Wade scoffed. "Butterbean, you're final girl material."

"If I didn't trip and bleed out on a curb first," you muse. "Also I'm not funny and I don't think my boobs are big enough to-"

"Jamie Lee Curtis made it work," Vanessa pointed out.

"Who?" Logan asked.

"You're not the worst Logan, you're just from the worst timeline," you tell him. "Who was in your Halloween movies?"

"In what?"

You blink at him, "Logan, I- I'm stunned. Halloween is only one of the BEST horror movies of all time."

"Bullshit," Wade said.

"Fuck you," you snort, "You think the Warrens actually fought a Ragedy Ann doll."

Logan caught Vanessa's eye when she raised her glass in mock toast with a wink and dug into her own plate and snorted. Taking advantage of the bickering to eat. And he thought, for just a second, that it might kill him. It took actual effort to stifle a moan.

How Wade could talk between bites was baffling. Logan could tell everything was made from scratch- even the noodles. And he couldn't remember the last time he'd had something like that.

Even more impressive was how you managed to argue with your brother and keep plates and glasses full- and keep him from feeling excluded. Even if he never spoke. Your body was never fully angled away and you glanced towards him, unobtrusively fussing. Hostessing properly, he supposed.

"I guess," he said, clearing his throat as he helped you clear plates to make room for the dessert and coffee, "I can stop stabbing Wade in the head."

"I appreciate it," you tell him, smiling a little as you take the plates from his hands.

#Wolverine #wolverine x reader #ask answered #minors dni #reader insert #writer!reader

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books · 10 months

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Writer Spotlight: Jamie Beck

Jamie Beck is a photographer residing in Provence, France. Her Tumblr blog, From Me To You, became immensely successful shortly after launching in 2009. Soon after, Jamie, along with her partner Kevin Burg, pioneered the use of Cinemagraphs in creative storytelling for brands. Since then, she has produced marketing and advertising campaigns for companies like Google, Samsung, Netflix, Disney, Microsoft, Nike, Volvo, and MTV, and was included in Adweek Magazine’s “Creative 100” among the industry’s top Visual Artists. In 2022, she released her first book, An American in Provence, which became a NYT Bestseller and Amazon #1 book in multiple categories, and featured in publications such as Vogue, goop, Who What Wear, and Forbes. Flowers of Provence is Jamie’s second book.

Can you tell us about how The Flowers of Provence came to be?

I refer to Provence often as ‘The Garden of Eden’ for her harmonious seasons that bring an ever-changing floral bounty through the landscape. My greatest joy in life is telling her story of flowers through photography so that we may all enjoy them, their beauty, their symbolism, and their contribution to the harmony of this land just a bit longer.

(Photograph: Jamie Beck)

How do your photography and writing work together? Do you write as part of your practice?

I constantly write small notations, which usually occur when I am alone in nature with the intention of creating a photograph or in my studio working alone on a still life. I write as I think in my head, so I have made it a very strict practice that when a thought or idea comes up, I stop and quickly write the text in the notes app on my phone or in a pocket journal I keep with me most of the time. If I don’t stop and write it down at that moment, I find it is gone forever. It is also the same practice for shooting flowers, especially in a place as seasonal as Provence. If I see something, I must capture it right away because it could be gone tomorrow.

(Photograph: Jamie Beck)

You got your start in commercial photography. What’s something you learned in those fields that has served you well in your current creative direction?

I think my understanding of bridging art and commerce came from my commercial photography background. I can make beautiful photographs of flowers all day long, but how to make a living off your art is a completely different skill that I am fortunate enough to have learned by working with so many different creative brands and products in the past.

(Photograph: Jamie Beck)

Do you remember your first photograph?

Absolutely! I was 13 years old. My mother gave me her old Pentax 35mm film camera to play with. When I looked through the viewfinder, it was as if the imaginary world in my head could finally come to life! I gave my best friend a makeover, put her in an evening gown in the backyard of my parents’ house in Texas, and made my first photograph, which I thought was so glamorous! So Vogue!

You situate your photographic work with an introduction that charts the seasons in Provence through flowers. Are there any authors from the fields of nature writing and writing place that inspire you?

I absolutely adore Monty Don! His writing, his shoes, and his ease with nature and flowers—that’s a world in which I want to live. I also love Floret Flowers, especially on social media, as a way to learn the science behind flowers and how to grow them.

How did you decide on the order of the images within The Flowers of Provence?

Something I didn’t anticipate with a book deal is that I would actually be the one doing the layouts! I assumed I would hand over a folder of images, and an art director would decide the order. At first, it was overwhelming to sort through it all because the work is so personal, and I’m so visual. But in the end, it had to be me. It had to be my story and flow to be truly authentic. I tried to move through the seasons and colors of the landscape in a harmonious way that felt a bit magical, just as discovering Provence has felt to me.

(Photograph: Jamie Beck)

How do you practice self-care when juggling work and life commitments alongside the creative process?

The creative process is typically a result that comes out of taking time for self-care. I get some of my best ideas for photographic projects or writing when I am in a bath or shower or go for a long (and restorative) walk in nature. Doing things for myself, such as how I dress or do my hair and makeup, is another form of creative expression that is satisfying.

What’s a place or motif you’d like to photograph that you haven’t had a chance to yet?

I am really interested in discovering more formal gardens in France. I like the idea of garden portraiture, trying to really capture the essence and spirit of places where man and nature intertwine.

Which artists do you return to for inspiration?

I’m absolutely obsessed with Édouard Manet—his color pallet and subject matter.

What are three things you can’t live without as an artist?

My camera, the French light, and flowers, of course.

What’s your favorite flower to photograph, and why?

I love roses. They remind me of my grandmother, who always grew roses and was my first teacher of nature. The perfume of roses and the vast variety of colors, names, and styles all make me totally crazy. I just love them. They simply bring me joy the same way seeing a rainbow in the sky does.

(Photograph: Jamie Beck)

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ellecdc · 7 months

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Love, i just had a heartbreaking thought; James' first solo excursion with Vix. He'd be so anxious and stressed because all he can think is " i wont leave without her this time" 😭

Could i request paranoid james and vix going shopping alone for the first time?? I feel that hed want one of those stretchy child hand cuff things so he wouldnt lose her

Poor Jamie. I wanna give this sod the biggest hug in the whole wide world

James was losing it - he was well aware of this. Every movement, every car horn, every bell ringing above a shop door, every person laughing or yelling brought him closer to you until you were basically wearing him like a backpack.

"Doing alright, Jamie?" You asked kindly, politely, concernedly. James wanted to shove you under his arm and take cover.

"Yeah, yup. Never better." He said distractedly as he continued to scan your surroundings.

The two of you had volunteered to pick up the cake from the magical bakery on Diagon Alley for Remus' birthday, which quickly turned into shopping for presents in Muggle London, which turned into a full on shopping spree at a large mall.

James hated it.

Being in a building felt claustrophobic and he was panicky watching you even reach for door handles - sure as all get out that the place was quickly becoming consumed by fiendfyre. He didn't fair much better outside, however, feeling as though you were both too vulnerable in the open; desperate to find coverage.

Really, he just wanted to take you home.

"How much longer do you think we'll be?" He asked you as he glared menacingly at a male shopper who had the audacity to wear all black until he left your vicinity.

"Not long, James. I just want to hit the grocery before we head back; it might be nice to have a charcuterie, no?"

James wanted to say "actually, I'm pretty sure shopping for charcuterie might be what kills us, Vix." But since that was crazy, he opted to hum in agreement as you led the way.

The two of you passed by a toy store where he saw a parent walking a child on a lead like a dog. His first thought was 'good lord, muggle parents are something else'. His second though was 'I should buy one for me and Vix'.

He turned back to the direction you two had been heading when he realized he couldn't see you anymore.

"Vix?" He said quietly as he spun in place. "Y/N?!" He shouted louder, garnering attention from the other shoppers near by.

What was he going to do? He couldn't very well pull his wand out right now. He would pull his wand out if he needed to - Azkaban be damned for breaking the statute of secrecy - but he was not going home to Sirius without you again.

"Y/N!" He shouted as he started shoving his head against the glass windows of various shops on the street, trying to catch a glimpse of you.

He felt tears prick his eyes as his breathing became faster. How could he have done this? How could he have lost you again!?

Unawares of the panic you just caused, you exited the shop with a bouquet of lilies for James - knowing he liked having fresh flowers around his home that reminded him of his 'beautiful flower' to find him spinning around frantically with tears streaming down his face like a toddler who lost their parent at the zoo.

"James!" You called as you raised your hand. He spotted you instantly and made for you - crushing your bouquet between the two of you as he enveloped you in a bone crushing hug.

"Where were you!? I couldn't find you anywhere!" He cried as he held on fast to your form. You patted his back consolingly.

"Awe, Jamie. I'm sorry. I thought you were following me - I just wanted to get you some flowers!" You explained as you pulled the slightly flattened bouquet away from your body.

All anxiety and any pretence of anger slipped away as James beamed at the bouquet. "You got me flowers!?" He shrilled as he took them from you.

You beamed right back at him and gave him another hug. "I'm sorry for frightening you, Prongs. Why don't we go to the grocery and then head home?"

James took a steadying breath and nodded at you.

"Can we hold hands?" He asked somewhat sheepishly.

You immediately held out your hand which he quickly enveloped with the one not holding his bouquet as you set off for the shops.

He didn't let your hand go until you made it into Grimmauld Place and Sirius hollered at him for making moves on his girl.

#marauders come back be here #marauders au #marauders fanfiction #marauders x reader #marauders #ask elle #self insert #reader insert #sirius black #james potter

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knitmeapony · 1 year

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Look, I'm probably going to get a lot of shit for this but this show was all about breaking cycles.

Rebecca could have become another wealthy owner, utterly embittered, much more interested in hurting those around them to keep themselves up than to actually finding any happiness in the world. Instead she became her own person, found several families, embraced them all, and gave back in a way that helped most of them.

Nate could have learned that lashing out and repression were at least an outlet for his frustrations, he could have followed in Rupert's footsteps and become a miserable jackass. Instead by accepting the kindness and Grace of other people he started over, found love, and came home.

Keeley could have become a lot like her friend, never recognizing her inherent talents, slowly panicking as she aged, abandoned by the Machine by the time she was 30. She could have seen other women as enemies or at least combatants, but instead she found better friendship and mentorship and began to pass it on to others as she bettered her own life.

Roy's endless cycle of rage and hurting himself and pushing himself too hard to return could have literally killed him. He could have been like any number of Aging athletes whose life ends at 35. Instead he has a new career in a place that he loves, and he is finding ways to improve his mental health and open up.

Jamie could have been just another celebrity douchebag, possibly even sinking into the alcoholism that was taking his father. Just as much as keely, he was often seen as only as good as his physical fitness and his body, but he went back and read the books, he learned tactics, he learned to accept help and to give help and he became 10 times the man and 10 times the player that he was at the beginning. his career could have flamed out young but he got his second chance and he gave his father a second chance in turn.

And Ted, oh god Ted. his father made the ultimate selfish choice. He decided if he couldn't be perfect and he couldn't be everything he would be nothing. He would rather absent himself from his son's life then be there for him in whatever ways he could. Ted could have been happy in england. Ted could have had an incredible career. But Henry would not have had a father. How many times did people remind us that parents are responsible for the ways they fuck up their children during this show? Every other fucking episode, another way to point out that there are cycles of failure and frustration and psychological damage that get passed down from generation to generation. He broke that cycle, over and over. He didn't pin Michelle down into an unhappy marriage. They split up, and were both happier for it. He chose to put his son first, to not abandon him. He can have an incredible career anywhere in the world with a season like that. But he can't be in Henry's life the way he wants to be from six time zones away.

This isn't denigrating people who by necessity are long distance parents. But I would be willing to bet that if you asked any of those long distance parents if, given the choice, they would move back to be close to their kids? I'm willing to bet you pretty much every single one of them would say fuck yes, I want to hug them in the morning and tuck them in bed at night. I want to go to their soccer games and see their art shows.

Ted chose to be sincerely and honestly present in Henry's life. I don't think he's getting back with Michelle, he's not going back for a marriage. He's going home to be a father and I think his father would be proud.

#ted lasso

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joeys-babe · 6 months

Text

Joey B Imagines: Easter

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Summary: You and Joe spend Easter in Athens at his parent's house, and you can't help but think about what your life has become.

Warnings: Fluff!

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

Imagine Universe: Into the Mystic

————————————————————————-

March 31, 2024

“Hey, Burrow’s!” - Robin

Joe held my hand as we walked through the back gate into his childhood backyard.

Miles and Tyson were walking in front of us in their usual matching fashion. They had on white button-downs and jeans, their high-top Nikes matching the ones Joe was wearing right now. Joe had styled their hair to have the same swoop as his.

“Hey, Mom.” - Joe smiled

Jimmy stood at the grill, grilling what looked to be steaks as he talked to Joe’s brother Jamie.

Immediately, Miles was running to his grandma.

“Look at you! You look snazzy!” - Robin

Miles hugged Robin’s neck after she picked him up, and Joe guided me over to the back deck.

“Mama, sit down.” - Joe

“I’m okay, Joe.” - you

Joe gave me a stern look, and I slowly sat down on the porch swing. He sat down next to me and pulled Tyson onto his lap.

“It's kinda cold…” - you

The way Joe immediately pulled his light jacket off made me smile. He always did his best to take care of me. After putting the jacket over my shoulders, Joe kept his arm around me.

“Thank you.” - you smile

“Of course.” - Joe pressed a kiss to your forehead

I sighed in contentment as I looked around the yard. Robin was holding Miles as he blabbed to Jimmy about what he got in his Easter baskets this morning. Joe ran his fingertips over my bare shoulder, and my eyes dropped down to Tyson. His chubby cheek was pressed onto his dad’s chest as he fisted Joe’s shirt.

Pulled out of my daydream with a squeeze of my shoulder, I looked up and met my favorite pair of blues, who was already looking down at me.

“Whatcha thinking?” - Joe

“I’m just very happy and thankful. For this… for you.” - you

“Good. I'm thankful for you too.” - Joe

——

After dinner, Robin called all of the grandkids inside so the adults could hide eggs for an Easter egg hunt.

Joe sat back down on the swing and gently grabbed my hips so I'd sit next to him.

“Your feet sore, baby? You've been on them all day.” - Joe

“A little.” - you

He bent down and grabbed my legs, pulling them onto his lap as I sat sideways. Joe took my wedged sandals off and rubbed my feet.

“Joseph!” - Robin

“What?!” - Joe

“It's your turn this year.” - Robin

“For what?” - Joe

Jamie and Dan laughed on the other side of the porch.

“Easter bunny.” - Dan laughed

I looked at Joe, who looked confused until it clicked, and his eyes went wide.

“Absolutely not! No way, I'm not putting that suit on!” - Joe

“Awe, please, Joe? For the kids!” - you

“No way.” - Joe

Joe had a disgusted look on his face until his eyes met mine.

“Please, baby.” - you

“Fine.” - Joe sighed

——

When Joe walked outside in the bunny costume, I couldn't help but laugh. I hid my face behind my hand as I stood with the twins in the grass. They each held a basket.

Miles hid behind my legs like he does when he's scared while Tyson pointed at Joe and yelled ‘Bunny’.

Easter bunny Joe walked up to me and picked up Tyson, trying to show Miles that he wasn't that scary.

“See, buddy, he's not scary.” - you

Joe eventually put Tyson down and wrapped his arms around my waist. I laughed as I leaned against his chest.

“This is humiliating.” - Joe whispered

“I’ll give you extra kisses later to make up for this.” - you

“Good.” - Joe

When I pulled away from Joe, I noticed that Miles’s chin was quivering.

“Oh, it's okay, bubs! Don't cry.” - you

Joe pulled the head of the costume off to show Miles that it was just him, and I couldn't help but chuckle at his messed-up hair.

“It’s just daddy.” - you laughed

Miles was still slow to calm down even when Joe bent down to be at his level.

“Look, it's just Daddy.” - Joe

“Daddy?” - Miles

My heart ached when he wiped his little eyes and walked toward Joe.

“Sorry for scaring you.” - Joe

“S’okay.” - Miles

Robin took the boys over to where the eggs were to start the hunt, giving Joe and me some alone time while she distracted Miles.

“Hey, baby, can you help me get out of this, please?” - Joe

After unzipping the suit and helping Joe out of it, he reached a hand up and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Its bad isn't it?” - Joe

“What?” - your smile fell

“My hair.” - Joe

“Oh! It's not too bad.” - you

Joe leaned his head down and I fixed it back to its original form, him kissing my cheek before fully pulling away.

“You look beautiful in this dress by the way. Baby girl is really popping out now.” - Joe

“She is.” - you agreed

“I can't wait till she’s here.” - Joe

He placed a big hand on the center of my bump, and I laid mine over his.

“We still have a long way to go, but it's going to be worth the wait.” - you smiled

“Agreed.” - Joe

I grinned at him, his eyes flicking from my eyes to my lips before he leaned in and kissed me.

“Do you remember our first Easter together as a couple?” - Joe

“Yup. We were kissing in the gazebo and Jamie walked in on us.” - you

“Fun times… I remember my teenage boy mind going crazy over you in that dress.” - Joe laughed

“What?!” - you

“Your Easter dress that year. It hugged you in all the right places.” - Joe

“You’re crazy…” - you

Our conversation ended and we walked back up to the porch, Joe only sat down for a few seconds before getting up to help the twins hunt for eggs.

Joe offered his assistance after we watched Tyson pick up an egg and put it in his tipped-over basket, only for it to fall straight out of his basket. Miles was trailing behind him, picking up every egg Tyson dropped. Both were completely oblivious, and Miles thought he was just really good at finding them, unaware of the fact that they were Tyson’s dropped eggs.

I sat back and let the wind blow over my face, snuggling more into Joe’s jacket just like I had snuggled into his letterman jacket during our first Easter.

Now the owner of that letterman jacket was my husband, who was running around the yard like a madman, trying to find eggs for our kids.

“Joe! Leave some for the other kids!” - you chuckled

————————————————————————-

Authors note: Happy Easter y'all!

Request for this fic;

Hope you enjoyed! 💕💕

#joe burrow #bengals #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow x reader #joey b #cincinnati bengals #joe burrow fan fic

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imtryingbuck · 6 months

Text

Seventy

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: Bucky comes from a well respected family, he falls in love with a girl who prefers the simple things in life. Follow their journey through the years.

Word count: 3,104

Warnings: angst, heavy use of pet names. fluff. swearing. death (cancer)

A/N: No description of reader other than she has curly hair.

Masterlist Series Masterlist

In the fifteen years that has passed Bucky and Y/n became grandparents to a whopping eleven beautiful grandchildren. Each one of them being well and truly spoiled by their grandparents.

Georgia and Billy got married six months after they proposed to each other, two months later they found out they were having a baby. Natalia was born three weeks prematurely, though still tiny she was strong, always kicking her little legs out and had a set of lungs on her. Two years after Georgia gave birth to another baby girl naming her Scarlet after Billy’s favourite superhero character the Scarlet Witch.

Another two years go by and she gives birth to another baby girl named Aurora, or Rory as Y/n always calls her. Four years later Georgia rings her mom to say she’s pregnant again, the whole family getting a shock of a lifetime when they find out that she was pregnant with triplets. Two girls and a boy, Marya, Django and Rebecca, named after Wanda and Pietro’s parents and Bucky’s sister.

Jamie had three children with his now ex-wife, Nicole, though they divorced and she remarried they remained good friends and were amazing at co-parenting with each other. Ryder, Levi and Angel. Angel was born on Bucky’s birthday which he did not shut up about.

Stevie and his boyfriend Ryan had adopted a baby girl when she was a month old, she had the most brightest green eyes Y/n had ever seen. She was born with a cleft lip and her biological mother didn’t want her which was truly a shame as Quinn could melt anyone’s heart just by looking at them.

Sammy and his girlfriend Eva surprised everyone by announcing that she was pregnant, she had been told when she was younger that she was never going to be able to get pregnant which was something she had come to terms with, but she gave birth to a healthy baby boy who they named James, after Bucky and Eva’s dad.

Howard passed away in his sleep two years after Georgia got married. Y/n and Tony held his hands when he passed. He was buried with his one true love, Maria. With Grace on one side and on the other was George and Winnie.

Grace and Bunny’s Haven became successful, another two Havens in different locations had been build and were now being used by men and women. There were plans to build a fourth Haven but it had to be put on hold.

In a year they must have seen hundreds of faces and heard similar stories. No matter how many times she heard them it didn’t stop her heart from aching each time.

Bucky’s and Y/n’s marriage was just as strong as it had ever been, Steve mocked them once for being sickly sweet so Bucky grabbed Y/n by her hand and pulled her into him and kissed her, both putting on a little show for their friends. That was until Georgia was sick.

She was pregnant at the time.

That’s their defence anyway.

The love that they had for each other continued to grow as the years went on. He was still her Ducky and she was still his Bunny. Natalia once asked Y/n if Bunny was her real name and she had to explain that it was a nickname, then explained why her grandpa called her Bunny, the little girl smiled before running to tell Georgia that her grandmas real name wasn’t Bunny.

Two weeks before Y/n and Bucky celebrated their thirty ninth wedding anniversary Y/n started coughing up blood, Bucky rushed her straight to the hospital panic filling his veins the whole time he drove there.

After blood tests were done a doctor sat the couple down and told Y/n that she had cancer. It was terminal.

It took her back to when Maria had been told the same thing, and just like Maria she didn’t cry no she asked questions whilst Bucky held her hand tighter and tighter to the point where it was hurting her but she never once removed her hand away from his. She needed him. Needed him to help ground her.

Y/n begged Bucky not to tell anyone, at least not until after their anniversary which he hesitantly agreed.

They spent their anniversary at the cabin they had been renting for the past thirty nine years to celebrate the date they became one, through the whole week they were there Bucky cried, he couldn’t understand why it was her that had cancer, to him it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that she out of all people had been diagnosed with cancer, it’s wasn’t fair after all her kindness and love she shared and gave to others that she was going to be dying a slow death.

He couldn’t understand how she remained so calm throughout her diagnosis and the week they were away.

“I’ve lived an amazing life Ducky, everything will be okay I promise” she told him as she held him in her arms, wiping his tears off his cheeks and kissing his forehead.

A week after finding out that she had terminal cancer she and Bucky sat their kids down, their hearts breaking at seeing and hearing the most important people to them crying, shaking their heads in denial, Y/n got up and grabbed a hold of her children squeezing them into her chest tight, telling them how much she loves each and every one of them. She couldn’t stress enough of how proud she was of them. Bucky joined in on the family hug, all six of them crumbling together on to the floor.

Telling the group plus Tony was difficult too, all of them in denial about what Y/n was telling them. Each of them couldn’t believe that the strongest one out of them all had been diagnosed with a vile disease such as cancer.

Even with getting chemotherapy to try and slow down the cancer she was becoming weaker not like it stopped her from doing her work at Grace and Bunny’s Haven. Bucky tried and failed to get her to slow down but she wouldn’t, couldn’t as she wanted to continue being there for those who came to her for help before she passed.

“Nanny sweetie” Y/n looked down to see Quinn staring up at her with those wide green eyes that she loved so much.

“You want a sweetie darling?”

“Yes pwease nanny”

“Who am I to say no to you huh? Go ahead and get one sweetheart”

“You spoil her too much you know mom” Stevie said as he came into the living room where she was.

“I know I do but look at them cheeks”

Stevie stood by the couch and stared down at his mom, his heart ached at seeing her looking weak, something he never thought he would ever see or say about his mom. To him she was the strongest person he had even known and possibly would ever know. It had been just over a year since her diagnosis and though she was getting chemotherapy it wasn’t doing much other than delay the inevitable.

Two months prior Y/n and Bucky celebrated their fortieth anniversary, their children planned and organised a party for them at their home. Family and friends were all there to celebrate the love and memories of their time together.

Y/n cried at the surprise and seeing all their loved ones all together, Bucky cried knowing it was the last anniversary they were going to celebrate.

“H-how are you feeling today mom?”

“I’m okay don’t worry about me pumpkin”

“Mom-“ he sighed softly he knew she was still putting up a front, still trying to keep up a positive outlook though all those around her could see her smile fading everyday. “How are you, really?”

“I-I’m scared of dying if I’m honest Stevie, b-but like I told your dad I’ve lived a great life so I’m okay with what’s happening”

Stevie sits next to his mom holding her hands as he started to struggle with keeping his tears at bay. The strongest person he knows had just told him that she was scared. He didn’t realise that he had tears falling from his eyes until Y/n reached out and wiped his cheeks.

“Oh don’t cry my dear boy, everything will be okay I just know it”

“B-but you’re going to die mom, your d-dying an-an-and I can’t do anything to s-stop it from happening” Stevie stuttered out, he was always the one out of the four siblings that wanted to help everyone and anyone, he always felt like he had failed somehow if he couldn’t help people.

“St-Stevie look at me- oh my sweet boy everything is going to be okay I promise. You can’t control this and neither can I but everything will be okay”

“B-but what do I do without you momma?”

“Live your life to the fullest, love until your heart and soul are content, make memories and for the love of god keep being yourself Stevie. And when things get tough just look up at the sky night or day and just know I’m looking down on you, even though I’m not going to be here physically doesn’t mean your getting away from me, alright?”

Stevie nods with tears running down his cheeks, hugging his mom tightly and promising her that he will do everything she told him too. They separate when Quinn comes stumbling over with chocolate all over her face, smiling widely not understanding the conversation between her dada and nanny.

A month after having that conversation with Stevie, Y/n took a turn for the worse. Bucky knew the end was near for his Bunny, when that realisation hit him he went to the toilet and puked up.

On Wednesday 20th August, Bucky stood from the doorway watching his wife, his one and true love, his Bunny sleeping in their bed, his coloured eyes went from her face to her chest to make sure it was still rising.

“Y-you watching me sleep Ducky?” Her soft voice whispered filling in the quiet room.

“Of course my sweet Bunny”

“Duck-“

“Not today baby please”

“I-I don’t think I have another d-day in me Duck”

“Pl-please Bun”

Y/n smiled weakly, slowly patting the bed for him to come over. Holding his hand she raised his hand to her lips where she placed a lingering kiss to his knuckles.

“I-I don’t want the kids being in the room when I go Ducky, please promise me that they won’t be here.”

“Why?”

“It’s not fair on them to see me go Ducky, so please promise me”

“I-I promise Bunny, I promise”

Hand in hand for about thirty minutes, Bucky slowly stood and stumbled downstairs to grab his phone. Ringing Georgia his voice shook as he told her that she needed to get everyone to the house so that they could say their goodbyes, leaning heavily against the counter his heart cracking when he could hear his oldest child breaking down on the other end of the phone, he could hear Billy’s voice cracking in the background as he tried to get their children ready.

Coming off the phone to Georgia he rang Jamie to tell him the same, he knew he was currently with the twins. He rang Tony, then Steve asking his longest friend if he could tell everyone else, he simply couldn’t have that conversation once again. Climbing the stairs and heading into their bedroom Bucky sighed a breath of relief when he noticed her chest still rising and falling, he let her know that everyone was on their way.

“Duck, have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“Every day for the past forty three years” Bucky admits with a smile.

“Thank you for the best years of my life James, you’ve al-always made me happy you know? You’re my world, my light, my better half my love, I’ve lived a life full of happiness and I’ve known true love because of you, so thank you Ducky”

Bucky makes no attempt to wipe the heavy stream of tears away, he tries to find the words to tell her how much she means to him but before he could find them the bedroom door opens revealing his greatest achievements.

Their children.

Bucky sits back and lets his children and best friends say their goodbyes in their own ways, his heart feeling heavier and heavier the longer they are there. He sits there with his hand in hers watching his Bunny smile at each member of their very large family, he knows that she accepted her fate the moment the doctor told her the news, he knows even though she’s scared of death and of the unknown that comes with it, scared of leaving her loved ones behind and of the thought of never seeing any of them again.

Despite the ending of her story coming to an end so soon she still keeps a smile on her lips, trying to show her family that it’s okay, it’s okay that she’s going to be going to sleep soon and never waking back up.

After an hour of being surrounded by the people who meant the world to her she gives Bucky a look silently telling him that it was time. Choking back a sob he tells his children and best friends that they needed to leave, each of them confused until Y/n speaks up and tells them that she doesn’t want any of them being there, each of them trying to protest - fear and the truth of what was happening making them stay in place, until Bucky gave them all a single look.

The family they created stumbled out of the room, holding on to each other. Before shutting the door behind him Tony took one last long at his baby sister, his heart breaking at the sight in front of him.

Bucky climbing into the bed next to his only love clinging to her like a lifeline.

“I love you Bunny, I love you so much Y/n thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be yours. I-I love you, I love you.” Bucky whispers as he sees the eyes belonging to the only woman who he’s ever loved purely and deeply, the woman who he watched give life four times, the woman who gave his life meaning. The woman who he’s loved since he was an innocent little child who didn’t really know the meaning of love, starting to flutter closed.

“I’ll be with you soon my love” he again whispers, so terrified to speak any louder as she would hear the way his voice cracks, he needed to be strong for her. He couldn’t let her down.

Georgia walked into the room with slow timid steps. Falling to her knees with a loud thud she releases a gut wrenching sob which has her brothers, uncles and aunts flinching and bowing their heads.

“Wh-when do we get to give nanny her birthday presents?” Rory asks innocently, completely unaware of why everyone was crying.

Standing in front of so many people, many she knew, many she didn’t. Georgia though her heart ached as she stood at the podium next to her mommas coffin she smiled. Smiled at seeing that so many people had come to say goodbye and pay their respect to her beautiful mom, smiled at seeing them all dressed in bright clothes. Georgia told everyone that she didn’t want anyone wearing black.

Georgia smiled at seeing all the people who had gone to Y/n to seek help had arrived at the church. The air got caught in her throat when she saw the four women and the first man who were the first people to arrive at Y/n’s sanctuary were all sitting together.

“My mom was the greatest woman I had ever met, strong and beautiful. Her heart knew no bounds, she always saw the good in people. My mom was my best friend, the person so many people could turn to for help or a shoulder to cry on o-or just someone to hold them. My mom is and will always be my hero. Her laugh was infectious and so was her smile, my mom would make jokes about things that weren’t really funny but she would laugh and you just couldn’t help but laugh along. She truly was an inspiration to me and too many others. Her love for my dad was beyond words, she loved him so deeply and wholeheartedly, so purely. I am beyond proud to say that I am the daughter of Y/n Barnes”

She looks towards Billy who nods slowly as to encourage her to continue. She wipes the tears from her eyes.

“My dad was incredible, funny, loving and one of the kindest men I had ever met. My dad was the reason why my mom was able to create Grace and Bunny’s Haven, he supported her every step of the way, supported strangers and friends. His love like my mom’s knew no bounds-“ the feeling of her throat drying and closing has her coughing lightly.

“I’m sorry. The love my dad had for my mom was so strong that everyone who knew or just saw them together could see how much he loved her, could see that my mom was his whole world. I am beyond proud to say that I am the daughter of James Barnes”

Looking sadly at her father’s coffin lying right next to her moms she breathes deeply. “On behalf of my family I would like to say thank you to all those that have come today, thank you for donating money towards Grace and Bunny’s Haven, thank you for your kind words and stories of how our parents touched your lives. Tha-thank you”

Steve watches his niece as she steps down from the podium, her hands shaking as she moved towards Billy who stood up and took her hand in his. “I’m so proud of you baby” he whispered into her ear. He smiled at the memory of Bucky doing the same to Y/n when she spoke at Maria’s funeral.

He looks at the two coffins lying there, knowing that his two best friends were in them, knowing that one died of cancer and the other of a broken heart, made his eyes sting with unshed tears.

Y/n passed away in the arms of her Ducky.

Bucky passed away with his arms around his Bunny.

And side by side they were buried next to their parents.

A/N: I was listening to Elvis Presley Bridge Of Troubled Water and Always On My Mind writing their deaths…and when I say I was sobbing I mean I was s. o. b. b. i. n. g.

Tags: @cjand10 @unaxv @mcira @bisexualnikkisixx @kneelforloki @kandis-mom @sagebarness @sandyruston @scott-loki-barnes @nikkivillar @saltedcoffeescotch @scentedharmonymiracle @examinarei @sarcastickiddo @sadboiabby @unholyhuntress @8crazy-freak8 @ijustneedpopcorn @moonbeampillgoth @imcinnamoons @elmo-1066 @violetwinterwidow01 @suz7days @adoredire @ozwriterchick @randomrosie01 @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @emerald-writes @justafangir1 @sibsteria @spencerreidisagorgman @sapphirebarnes @bruher @hawkinsavclub1983 @onlyonetifosi @parisadams @unabashedstarlightcrown @nash-dara @allofffmypeaches @loki-laufeyson68 @behindmygreyeyes @missvelvetsstuff @pigeonmama @lizslibrary @gloriouspurpose01 @gaya-is-weird-af @capsbestgirl77

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yelena-bellova · 9 months

Text

Heartfirst: A Ted Lasso Story - Chapter Twenty One

Chapter Twenty One: Coming Home

Plot: Loose ends are tied up and big changes come after Richmond’s victory.

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: language, mention of parental neglect/abuse, mention of alcohol, one suggestive line

A/N: Well, we have arrived at the end! I definitely intended to be done a long time ago, but life had other plans lol. Thanks to everyone who came along on this ride I had no intention of taking. I hope you enjoyed it!! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GO RICHMOND!!! 💙❤️💛🎄❄️🎅🏻

————

In the afterglow of Richmond’s big win, there was a sadness that couldn’t be ignored, and it came in the form of a Boeing 747.

The day of his and Beard’s departure, Ted exited his apartment for the last time. He took a reflective breath and knocked his knuckles against the wood before turning away. As always, his assistant coach was waiting for him nearby.

The two men walked through Richmond for the last time, a few locals wishing them well as they left. When they made it to the curb, they spotted a familiar face.

“What’re you doin’ here?” Ted smiled.

Y/n shrugged from her place on the bench. “I figured you’ve done so many coffee runs at the office,” she held up two cups, “I’d return the favor.”

Ted and Beard moseyed over, Y/n stood and handed them the cups.

“And maybe I wanted to say goodbye,” Y/n smiled, “Just one more time.”

“Well, I won’t say no to that,” Ted replied, waiting for Y/n to retrieve her own cup so the three could toast. When he took a sip, he coughed. “What exactly is this?”

“An Americano,” Y/n answered.

Ted cleared his throat of the strong taste before he paused, realizing the joke. “The three Americanos.”

Y/n smiled, “Bingo.”

“Aw, hell, that’s too good,” Ted said proudly, “I’ll push through.”

Beard touched his chest. “You’ve come so far.”

“Well,” Y/n sighed, “If you guys have to go, I’m making sure it’s on a high note.”

“That’s right,” Ted smiled, “You and Jamie got any plans for the break?”

“Yeah, actually, Nike wants him to do this shoot in Brazil,” Y/n answered, Jamie’d only sprung the news on her last night, “We’ve gotta get down in a few weeks.”

Ted and Beard both let out suggestive ‘oohs’ that gave Y/n a laugh.

“Watch you back, Dave and Posh,” Ted teased, “There’s a new power couple on the pitch.”

As much as she wanted to deny it, there was something in Y/n’s gut that told her Ted wasn’t wrong. Since their kiss after Richmond’s win, Jamie and Y/n had been flooded by requests for interviews. Paparazzi and fan sightings were abundant. Even then, at the buttcrack of morning, Y/n spotted two teen girls whispering and pointing in her direction, no doubt debating if that really was Jamie Tartt’s girlfriend. It was new territory, but they were rising to the occasion. The footballer and the PR girl.

“Just promise us good seats at the wedding,” Ted continued, “Don’t be bumpin’ us just ‘cause Ronaldo and Messi show us.”

“How ‘bout we hug?” Y/n quickly changed the subject. Baby steps was the key to her staying happy with Jamie. “Let’s hug.”

Ted and Beard laughed before they all piled in a group embrace. The three of them had become a team of sorts, being the only Americans, and it was a bond Y/n was sad to see go. The only thing that comforted her was that Ted and Beard meant so much to Richmond, it certainly wouldn’t be the last they saw of one another.

“Alright,” Y/n said when she felt the tears begin to form, “You two get out of here. The plane’s not gonna wait for two dumb Americans.”

Ted laughed, patted Y/n on the back and pulled back to look proudly at her. “You take care, Y/n.”

Y/n’s smile was watery and full of unspoken gratitude, “You too.”

Beard spotted Y/n one more hug, seemingly needing it more than she did. “Bye, Y/n.”

“Bye, Beard.”

Finally, the three of them separated and Ted and Beard flagged down a coming cab. When they had loaded their luggage, Ted turned back one last time and gave Y/n a wave. She returned it, finally letting the tears fall down her contradicting smile.

Ted had done more for Richmond than anyone ever had. But more importantly, he had changed the people that made the Greyhounds who they were. No one would ever be the same after Ted Lasso’s reign. And that, Y/n concluded as the cab drove off, was a beautiful thing.

—————————

Post-victory, Richmond was still residing in its usual chaos.

When Y/n came into the office, taking care of a few post-season items with Higgins and Rebecca, and saw Beard in the hall, she was surprised but ecstatic. It was good for both of them to have some semblance of home.

Then came the announcement that Roy would be promoted to head coach, with Beard and Nate as the assistants. It seemed only natural for him to take over. Everyone was glad they didn’t have to adjust to someone new. And it was good territory for Roy to step into a leadership role. He was coming into his own in this new stage of life.

KJPR became KBPR as Keeley and Barbara officially went into business with one another. At first, Keeley had worried that Y/n may feel slighted. After all, she had done so much to help when Keeley was still getting her bearings. It ended up being quite the opposite. With Barbara as partner, Y/n could return back to Richmond, something she was thrilled about. The three women continued to work in total harmony.

Rebecca had even made some changes in her life. Under circumstances Y/n and Keeley were promised to hear about eventually, she had run into her mystery Dutchman and the two had started going out. It did everyone good to see Rebecca so happy. She deserved it.

Y/n and Jamie weren’t the only couple having the handle a mess of PR after the match. Colin had unofficially come out after kissing his boyfriend, Michael, on the pitch. Journalists, both honest and sleazy, were hounding the both of them. The day it stopped was the day they got cocky enough to trespass on Colin’s property. They were unaware that his publicist was present, and Y/n took a great deal of joy in coming around the side of the house with the gardening hose and spraying them all away. Needless to say, Colin felt extremely protected with her as his first line of defense.

Jamie and Y/n stayed the same, sickeningly in love with one another and growing more so by the day. Just after Roy was announced as head coach, they were booked to fly out to Brazil. Somehow Roy and Keeley, separately, had roped themselves in to coming as well.

“Our first trip away together,” Jamie lamented as they were packing at Y/n’s apartment, “And the old fart latches on.”

Y/n was across the room, grabbing a stack of t-shirts from her dresser. “That’s a horrible thing to call Keeley.” She laughed as Jamie flashed her a glare, “I can’t wait till you stop acting like you’re mad about this.”

“I am mad about this,” Jamie insisted.

“And the minute we’re all there, you two’ll be inseparable,” Y/n crossed the space to the bed, where Jamie and his suitcase sat, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll be lucky if I get two minutes with you.”

Jamie scoffed, even though he knew there was truth to it. He could no longer deny him and Roy hated one another. Instead, he put his energy into rifling through his girlfriend’s suitcase.

“Jamie, I just got that organized,” Y/n whined, “What are you doing?”

“I’m thinning it out,” he answered, throwing item after item out onto the bedspread, “You don’t need half of this.”

Once he was done, Y/n looked into the square, there was very little. “Three bathing suits and underwear?”

“Yeah,” Jamie said deadpan before smirking, “All you need.”

Jamie pressed a kiss behind Y/n’s ear and wandered out of the bedroom. She was left laughing and undoing his handiwork. She was in the middle of repacking her pajamas when her cell phone rang from her nightstand.

“Jamie,” she called out, “Could you grab my phone?”

“Hang on,” Jamie yelled from the living room, “Phone’s ringing.”

Y/n sighed and went to collect her mobile herself. She glanced at the caller ID.

Dad

Time itself seemed to stop and Y/n was immobilized. It had been a month since Manchester when she’d been brave and called her parents. Not a word from either of them. It had been so easy to have courage in her rush of adrenaline, consumed by confidence and prepared to knock any obstacle down to get back to Richmond.

Now…she didn’t know what to do.

The little voice in her head that sounded much like the her in Manchester said to pick up.

Just before the last ring sounded, Y/n swiped across her screen and started the call.

“Hello?”

“Hi, uh…” Y/n’s dad stammered, “Hi, honey.”

“Hi,” she repeated.

“Hi.”

The two fell silent.

“Um…how-how are you?” Y/n was the first to ask.

“Oh, fine. Fine…yeah, we’re uh, we’re okay. How are you?”

Y/n wiped her hand across her jeans, beginning to wander the room like a Roomba. “Uh, I’m good. Decent. I, uh, I’m packing right now.”

“Oh, are you moving?”

“No, no. I’m, uh, I’m going on a trip with some friends and my uh…my boyfriend.”

Her dad didn’t seem to be phased. “Yeah, I heard something about that. I mean, I read it. You’re making headlines over here.”

Y/n stopped, “I am?”

“Well, it’s not front page or anything,” he corrected himself, “But there’s a few. That Tartt fellow seems like a hell of a player.”

“He is,” Y/n smiled, “He’s a great guy.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” her dad finished before another pause hit them. “Listen, I, uh, I wanted to call…well, I wanted to call sooner but…I wasn’t quite sure what to say.”

Disappointment began to settle in Y/n’s gut. It felt like there was some lame excuse coming. “Yeah, well…I didn’t exactly send a Hallmark greeting.”

“No, you didn’t do anything,” her dad quick addended, “I just wasn’t sure how to…how to speak to what you said because…it was so true.”

Suddenly everything became shaky, including her original message. “It was?”

“Of course. It was…painfully true. And I didn’t know what the right thing to say was and then when I felt like I did I was still worried it would be the wrong one and so…”

Another pause.

“Your mom and I, we, uh, we got into therapy,” Y/n’s dad continued.

Now that surprised her. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah, there were a lot of reasons. Nothing we did to one another, just…things from before you and Caylee were born. But mostly we, uh…we talked about how we raised you girls and all the areas we…could have done better.”

Y/n stayed silent, shocked into submission.

“And it’s been really helpful…and very….difficult.”

Y/n sighed, slightly annnoyed, feeling like her father was about to make the conversation about himself. “Yeah, well, I’ve heard therapy’s hard.”

“Not in the way you’d think,” her dad continued, “It’s been hard to…come to terms with what me and your mother did to you and Caylee.”

Now this was an entirely different kind of surprise. Y/n sunk onto her bed.

“Yeah?”

“Yes. We…I…I don’t even know where to start, but we’ve…we were a mess. A complete mess and we took it out on you girls.”

“I think…” Y/n drew a breath, “Taking it out on us would have been preferable.”

Her dad drew the same breath. “We ignored you girls. We left you to your own devices. We didn’t…we didn’t bond with you or support you in any way. Not the ways you needed at least. I think we thought if we were keeping a roof over your heads and keeping you alive, we were doing something right, but…that was nothing compared to what we didn’t do for you. What we kept from you.”

On opposite sides of the world, on different continents, separated by a great big ocean, father and daughter both began to shed tears.

“And I’m so sorry, honey,” Y/n’s dad’s voice wavered. “I’m so sorry.”

Y/n’s breath trembled, these were the words she’d longed to hear since she could recognize the problems in her family.

“Your phone call…it woke me and your mom up to a lot of things I think we’d known for years,” he went on, his voice a bit stronger now. “That we had the greatest girls given to us…and we didn’t care for you the way we should have.”

“Nothing you said was untrue, honey. And I’m glad you said it. You needed it and we needed to hear it. We needed to be woken up.”

Y/n sniffled trying to hold in the sobs she wanted to let go.

“And I can’t tell you how proud I am of you,” he audibly smiled through the phone, “Of the woman you’ve grown up to be and the life you’ve built for yourself. I think despite all the odds, you became the best version of yourself you could be.”

Y/n chuckled, a fresh batch of tears falling. “I love it.”

“I’ll bet you do,” her dad laughed, “I watched Richmond’s last game. It was a corker. And then to see you on the field…”

The two laughed in unison.

“That would be how I ended up in the headlines,” Y/n wiped her eyes.

“Mmm, I don’t think love’s a bad way to make headlines.”

Y/n had yet to say anything about loving Jamie, and yet her father already knew. Their moment on the pitch spoke for itself.

“So…you’re the only one that feels guilty?” Y/n finally asked.

“No,” her dad switched gears, “No, she’s actually at a session right now. I think she’s still a little nervous about making a call, but she wants to…she’s just trying to figure out what to say.”

“Tell her just to get really sad and really in love and pick up the phone,” Y/n suggested her method, “It’s easy.”

Her father laughed heartily, a sound Y/n was never really privy to as a child. It was so joyous, so full and round, it made her laugh as well.

“I hope it’s not too late to say it, but…” Y/n’s dad paused, “I really do love you, honey. And I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job of it.”

Y/n smiled, her eyes glazing oer with tears.

“And if you’ll let me and your mom…we’ll spend the rest of our lives trying to make up for all those years we were selfish.”

If she were a more vindictive person, Y/n would clutch the grudge in her palms and reject the offer. She’d tell her dad to go fuck himself and that no amount of time would ever make up for what was lost. But Richmond had softened her edges and rounded her out to be a more forgiving person. She’d learned from Ted and all his little life lessons on kindness he dropped. She’d learned from Rebecca, moving on and becoming the bigger person in the aftermath of her divorce. She’d learned from Jamie, who had done a complete 180 in his life and become one of the best people she knew. If he could forgive her for everything she’d put him through, how could she not pass it on to someone else?

“Yeah,” she answered, “Yeah, I’d really like that.”

Her dad took a quivering breath, full of emotion.

“But mom’s gonna have to do some groveling too,” Y/n joked.

“Oh, she’ll do it,” her dad agreed, “Probably even more than me. But she’ll do it as many times as necessary.”

The two of them stopped again, unsure of where to go from where they were.

“If you’re okay with it, eventually…we’d love to come out and see you. See this great big beautiful life you’ve built for yourself.”

It was an offer/request beyond what Y/n thought she’d ever get from her dad. Beyond what she ever thought possible for their family.

“Or maybe you could come home,” her dad suggested, just in case he’d pushed her forgiveness too far. “For a long weekend or something. Maybe in between games. Caylee came out last week.”

Her sister had failed to mention that piece of information. “She did?”

“Yeah.”

“She didn’t tell me.”

“Well, we kind of had the same talk. I think you and your sister share the same set of balls. She read us the riot act too.”

Caylee had never shied away from.…anything. She was the first of the sisters to put their upbringing behind them, to carve out a new life for themselves. It wasn’t surprising at all that she’d beaten Y/n to the punch of their parents.

“I think she wanted to wait to see how our talk went before she talked to you,” Y/n’s dad added.

“How’d that go?”

“Good,” her dad smiled, “Really well. Horrible, and then really great.”

Y/n smiled, looking down at her lap. “Yeah, I think I’d like both those things. Maybe I could bring you guys to a game.”

“Oh, we’d love that. We’d really love that. Is that American guy still coaching?”

“No, he left a few weeks ago,” Y/n answered.

“Huh, that’s a shame. Maybe I could jump in, give the guys some pointers.”

Y/n chuckled, “Oh, they’d love that.”

“Listen, I don’t wanna push my luck, so I’ll let you get back to packing,” her dad began to close the conversation, “Maybe we can talk more after you get back from your trip.”

He was right, it was a good place to stop. “Yeah, I’d like that. And if Mom calls, I promise I’ll let her grovel.”

“Attagirl,” her dad chuckled, “I love you, honey.”

Y/n smiled tearfully, the words she’d longed to hear all her life. Suddenly, it seemed so wasy to return them.

“I love you too, Dad.”

“Talk soon.”

“Bye.”

And with one click of a button, it was over.

Y/n felt stuck to her bed, nailed to it more like. All her life, she’d imagined screaming and yelling at her parents and it ending with them in tears as well, apologizing in spades to her and asking for them to forgive her. Her daydream had come true, though nothing like she’d thought it would. She was still, she was silent, and her father was more eloquent and composed. But both were filled to the brim with emotion. Somehow, it had all worked out better than she’d wanted.

Her family was coming back to her. The whole dang thing.

Y/n sprang to her feet, needing to word vomit the news onto someone. Jamie was closest. He was a good choice.

“Jamie,” she called, “Jamie.”

As she enterd into the living room. Jamie sported the same stunned expression she did. Had he heard the call?

They met in the middle of the room, each holding their own space. Each holding their cell phones.

“Who was that?” Y/n asked.

The words floated out of Jamie’s mouth slowly. “That was me dad.”

Y/n’s eyebrows dropped, along with her jaw. “Your dad?”

“Yeah,” Jamie breathed, his eyes flicking to Y/n’s phone, “Who was that?”

“That was my dad,” Y/n answered.

“Your dad?” Jamie echoed.

“Yeah.”

“What’d he say?”

“He wants to come see me. Him and my mom.”

“They do?”

“Yeah.”

Jamie’s face soured somewhat with apprehension. “And…what do you think?”

There was so much news to process. Still, Y/n’s purest emotions won out. Her lips quirked upwards, “I think I feel good. Really good.”

Jamie managed a distracted smile, “Good.”

Y/n shifted focus away from her. “What did your dad say?”

“He, uh,” Jamie breathed, “He’s in rehab, I guess. Wanted to call and congratulate me on the win. Wants me to come and see him.”

Y/n’s eyebrows shot up, “Whoa.”

“Yeah,” Jamie said.

“How do you feel about that?”

He blew out a huff of air. Jamie had just as many complicated feelings on his dad, if not more, than Y/n. And yet this time, there was some sort of peace that told Jamie this was alright.

“I think I feel good.”

“That’s good,” Y/n exhaled, “Do you want me to come with?”

“No,” Jamie quickly said, “I don’t want you near him till I…till I make sure it’s real this time.”

Y/n wasn’t about to start arguing with him. “Okay.”

The two of them finally looked at one another, well and truly, and saw each other transformed. If Richmond was one piece of what Y/n and Jamie were made up of, their relationship the other, their jobs the third, there’d been a missing fourth piece, empty and void of any love, for years. Suddenly, with but a drop filling it, there was new life in both of them. They stood a chance at becoming complete.

They fell into one another’s arms, wrapping around one another in hopes they could hold each other together. This was the beginning of something truly beautiful for both of them.

In the weeks and months that followed, after the trip to Brazil, things began to bloom. Jamie did go and visit his father, coming back with a genuine smile on his face. Y/n didn’t push, but Jamie felt confident that his father was making progress and that maybe, just maybe…they could form a relationship.

Y/n’s mom did indeed call, groveling and weeping over how poorly she’d treated her daughter. Y/n was there to accept every apology and cry with her. It was the best conversation they’d had in years. Her parents and Caylee jumped on for their first three-way call ever. Y/n made plans to come back home for Thanksgiving, and her parents and Caylee promised to fly to London for Christmas. It was the first holiday season they’d be spending together since high school. They were all counting the days down.

A few months after the season started for Richmond, Beard and his very pregnant girlfriend, Jane, announced they were getting married. The whole Richmond clan gathered together at Stonehenge for the event. It was strange, in keeping with their relationship, but full of love.

Eventually, Keeley came to Y/n with a business proposal. She had an inkling of an idea that she wantd to bring to Rebecca. But she wanted to give Y/n the opportunity to help her with it. The second she read the idea, Y/n was floored, and immediately onboard. Together, the two of them proposed a Richmond women’s league to their boss. It was an unflinching yes.

“But I have a condition,” Rebecca said before pointing to Y/n, “I want you to oversee it.”

Y/n blinked, “What?”

“I think you have a great deal of untapped potential,” Rebecca smiled, “And I think you’d make an incredible football club owner.”

“I-I…there’s no way. Unless you’re selling the team and I-“

“Nonsense,” Rebecca shrugged, “You bought a share, didn’t you?”

Rebecca had decided against selling the team off entirely, instead giving Richmond fans the opportunity to buy shares of the club.

“Well, yeah, I own like…half of a half of a percent.”

“Consider that your purchase,” Rebecca looked to Keeley, “What do you say? Is it okay if I poach one of your employees?”

Keeley was beaming from beside Y/n, “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”

Y/n wasn’t sure what was happening or how it was happening so fast. It felt eerily similar to a year prior in a London restaurant.

“What do you say?” Rebecca smiled, “Do you want to run a football club?”

Despite her shock, it was one of the easiest yesses she’d ever given.

Jamie had been thrilled, obviously, spinning Y/n around his house when she’d told him the news. One of Jamie’s biggest fears was losing all the good things in his life. Even though he knew him and Y/n were solid, a job like that was guarantee that neither of them would be leaving Richmond for a very long time.

All was well, no, all was better than well, for the Greyhounds. Sam’s restaurant flourished, Nate brought his girlfriend round finally to be introduced to his work family, Keeley and Roy began skirting the borders of exploring the possibility of maybe getting back together…all was as it should be.

Y/n was nearly in tears contemplating the beauty that was her life one night as Jamie drove them back to her place. Higgins’ and his family hosted the team barbecue that month at their home and the whole staff had shown up. Keeley, Roy, Jamie and Y/n had stayed in a huddle most of the night, laughing and talking as if they’d been family all their lives, which it was starting to feel like. Everything, from the smallest detail to the biggest, felt perfect.

“Hey, babe, what’s on the schedule for Friday night?” Jamie asked as they climbed the stairs into Y/n’s home. He was a few steps behind her. “Colin and Mike want to do a double date. I didn’t know if-“

He was rudely interrupted by Y/n smashing her lips against his. Jamie adjusted quickly and sunk into the kiss with her.

After Y/n pulled back, Jamie admired her. “What was that for?”

There were ten different answers she could have given him. For knocking into her that first day of work. For sitting down with her that night at the pub. For being the steadiest presence in her life. For forgiving her when she broke his heart. For supporting her and supporting her and supporting her. For adding to her happiness in a way nobody else could.

But instead, she shrugged and smiled. “No reason at all.”

And for the first time in her life, Y/n was truly, wholly happy.

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#ted lasso fanfic #ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso imagine #ted lasso fic #jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt imagine #ted lasso x reader #rebecca welton x reader #keeley jones x reader #heartfirst

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riverlikethelake · 2 years

Text

A Long Way Home pt.3

Aonung x Omatikayan!Fem!Reader

Summary – You and Ao'nung fail miserably at trying to stay away from each other, unfortunately, that means your parents are quick to notice...

Contains: complex parental relationships, heavy development on platonic/family relationships, fluff, angst, Avatar TWOW spoilers (i feel like thats obvious but wtv)

Word count: 5.8k (I'm a few days late so i panicked a wrote a lot...)

pt.1 pt.2 ... pt.4 pt.5

Will probably do one or two more parts :))

(the song will come in later :) )

You opted out of lessons for the day, honestly you haven’t needed them for a while, you just liked being with the group, but now you and Ao’nung have a facade to keep up. You sat in the Marui weaving the necklace, even though you were frustrated with Neteyam right now, you still wanted to make this.

You’re sure that these projects shouldn’t take this long, but it was your first one, so you gave yourself some grace.

"So this is where you’ve been hiding out all day?” You look up to see Lo’ak standing at the entrance. You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, unliked someone, I can afford to miss a few lessons” you teased.

He threw his side bag at you, causing you to laugh, before he sat down across from you. “Ao’nung looked like a lost puppy without you around” he quipped; you resisted the urge to smile. “And you’re over here pouting like a child.” you rolled your eyes again

“I am not pouting, I am wishing that you would leave me be.” You kicked at him and he put his hands in the air.

“All right all right, I won't bother you anymore.” He laughed, dodging your kicks, but you landed one on his chest which pushed him on his back. “You are the meanest sister Y/n” he grumbled as you laughed.

It was hard to ignore Ao’nung, he was always around, and he did kind of look like a lost puppy... usually you would banter or explore the reef together, but now he stuck with Rotxo and you with Neteyam and Kiri. Stealing glances at each other and finding flowers in ‘out of the ordinary’ places became a routine, as did meeting at the edge of the reef every night.

You’re sure that your family is growing suspicious of your nightly disappearances by now, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

Lying on the rocks stargazing with Ao’nung quickly became what you looked forward to everyday. You talked about anything and everything, life in the forest, growing up in the reef, family. Whatever you could talk about, you would.

“Our parents talked to each other about us.” Ao’nung stated, you sat up and looked at him, confusion splayed across your face. “Apparently, we are a ‘bad influence’ on each other...” he smirked

Ao’nung stayed lying on his back. You furrowed your brows, “But we haven’t even spoken to each other for days, at least in front of others”

“Your parents say I've caused you to be too moody” He laughed, you rolled your eyes and smacked his chest.

“Well, what about you lover boy? What bad influence have I had on you?” you teased, getting close to his face.

Hs smile dropped and he looked away awkwardly, before you could question it you noticed a dark spot on his cheek. With how dark it was, you hadn't noticed until you were this close. You grabbed his face and turned it to get a better look, he protested but you had already seen it.

“Ao’nung is this a bruise?” You questioned urgently, you looked him in the eyes, but he kept them averted. You frowned “Ao’nung...” you pleaded.

He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck, “I uh...” you nodded for him to continue. “Mom and dad say that you’ve caused me to get into too many fights...”

This was the first you were hearing of this... “What are you talking about?” you moved closer, placing a hand on his bruised cheek “Does this have to do with my brothers?” you asked, ready to chew out the sully that couldn’t butt out of your business.

“No no it’s not them” he sighed, pausing for a moment. “There were some guys talking about you and Kiri and... well they weren’t being respectful” you didn’t want to know what he meant by that. “I don’t know, I tried to ignore it, but they started asking me questions about you and-” he gestured to his face.

You frowned and cupped his face in your hands, “Atleast they look worse” he added, amused. You rolled your eyes.

“You do not have to defend me, we’re supposed to be mad at each other remember?” You sat back and he leaned forward.

“I know but I couldn’t just let them talk like that about you and your sister...” he was only inches away from your face, you smiled. He went from being what you needed to be defended from from, to being the defender.

If you had told yourself a year ago that you’d be sneaking around and lying to your family for some boy who almost got your brother killed, she’d be feeding your head to your mothers ikran…

“Well please be careful next time” you placed a kiss on the bruise “now it's not just my brother against us...”

He smiled and grabbed your wrists, pulling you forward as he laid back down. You landed on his chest, a chuckle escaping your throat before you nestled into his side, arm wrapped around you. You could hear his heart beating, this was the closest you had ever been, you swore you could have fallen asleep like this.

You didn’t talk about Spider much, aside from conversations with Kiri and Jake comforting you, it was a touchy subject. Neytiri always tried to hide her scowl when he came up in conversation, Neteyam and Lo’ak didn’t have much to say other than they missed him. It was like he was supposed to be forgotten.

You knew he wasn’t technically a part of the family, he was raised by the lab guys, but so were you. The more you thought about it, the more it bothered you. Spider was your brother, and they just kind of brushed off your worry about him.

“He is human. He will be fine” Neytiri would always say. Neteyam and Lo’ak repeating the same sentiment, just more sympathetic and reassuring.

What If I was the one that got caught?

You wanted to ask them, but you were scared, of their reaction, their answer... so you didn’t.

But you wondered, and the more you did, the more you came to the conclusion that they probably wouldn’t have done much to get you back. You know that you're not the same as Spider, but how would Jake and Neytiri view it?

It was useless thinking about it, harmful even, you knew that, but you couldn’t help it. So you found yourself spending more time with Kiri, she was the only one who could understand the heartbreak you harbored over your brother's capture.

Out in broad daylight it was hard to have a private conversation in such a bustling village, so Kiri called for her ikran and held out her hand for you to mount after her. You raised a brow questioningly but took her hand before she had to explain.

Before you knew it, you were flying above the village, circling as you closed your eyes and breathed in the air. It had been so long since you’d flown, spending most of your time swimming or in the Marui. Kiri did a few more laps before landing atop the mountains on the island, the view of the trees was somewhat nostalgic...

“I thought you’d like it up here” She commented, placing her hand on your shoulder as you both sat on the edge, legs dangling far above ground.

“I don’t know why I never thought of this” you breathed, your shoulders relaxing, you didn't even know you were tense.

“Well, you were a little distracted” she bumped her shoulder against yours, you swatted her away, blushing.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you denied, and she laughed

“I am not dumb sister. Our brothers may not notice the looks he gives you but sooner or later they will” she smirks, leaning in closer. You look away and continue to deny her accusations, it grows quiet for a second and your mind drifts back to spider, Kiri notices your change in demeanor.

“Y/n you know I was just teasing you right?” she offers, placing her hand on your shoulder. you shake your head “No I know Kiri, I just...” placing your hand over hers “I miss my brother...” you whisper.

She breathes out and scoots closer, you lay your head on her shoulder and she moves both your hands to the ground, still holding onto each other. “I know, I do too.” Is all she says, she doesn’t try to overcompensate or comfort you about how he’ll be fine, she just understands.

That’s what you always liked about Kiri, even when you were upset over something stupid or didn’t even understand your own feelings, she listened and understood. You were both adopted by the Sullys with scientist mothers loyal to the Na’vi, granted, Kiri was adopted from birth and had her mothers recording to connect with, but the fact still remains that theres more than just being ‘family’ connecting you.

“I remember when we were little and he’d always try and carry you around” She started, “Norm and Max didn’t trust him, but you begged and begged to go outside, they could never say no to you.” you giggled at the memory.

“Of course, Neteyam and Lo’ak would start arguing about how they’d be better fit to carry you” she drawled, you could practically hear how she rolled her eyes.

“And I'd get so sick of it that I'd just end up running off or getting carried by you.” you added.

“Lo’ak would complain that you were slowing us down but back home he’d whine to mom about not being the one to look after you” she giggled

“I still don’t get why it was such a big deal” You mumbled

“You were curious about the world, you took it all in like you were one with it” Kiri explained “Max was so protective though, you barely got any time out, so when you did, we didn’t want anything happening that could confine you back to the lab” she played with the ends of your hair as she spoke. “And none of us trusted the others to not mess it up.”

You thought for a moment before sitting up and laughing “So all of that was just a way to one up each other?” you threw your head back “No wonder you guys kept it going when I became Na’vi”

She laughs with you, “Your brothers are all stupid” she states, playfully punching your shoulder “And old habits die hard, I don’t think Neteyam ever gave up”

You smiled “Teyam is...” you thought for a moment “my twin. I might just have to get used to it” you shrugged, a grin spreading across both your faces.

“Well, if you ever need a moment to not be used to it” She leaned in “I think I'm the only one who knows about this place” she whispers playfully, like she’s telling you a secret in a crowd of people, before winking.

You lamely stuck out your tongue as she snickered. Before anything else could be said, the horn that signals the return of dinner hunters sounded, you looked at each other before getting up and mounting her Ikran.

You decided to sit with Lo’ak in one of the village dinner circles, you’re not sure why, but you were surprised to see Tsireya and Ao’nung among the group. You were almost directly across from Ao’nung, and it was hard to resist scooting closer to him.

“Can he stop ogling at you?” Lo’ak leans in to ask, you roll your eyes “Maybe when you stop ogling his sister”

He scrunches his nose “I’m just saying it's weird, you guys have been at each other's throats for days and now he can’t keep his eyes off of you?” He questions, raising his brows, his argument is reasonable, but you’d rather not encourage him. You just shrug and go back to tearing up your fish to eat.

“Hey maybe he’s into that” He adds, jabbing his elbow into your side.

You whip your head around to him, eyes widened, mouth agape, a sound of disbelief escaping your mouth. He only laughs and picks up a piece of your fish, placing it in your mouth and closing it with his hand.

You spit the food at him, and it was your turn to laugh as he frowned at you. Tsireya laughed at the interaction between you two and Lo’ak’s scowl fell into a bashful smile as they shared glances at eachother. You made eye contact with Rotxo and Ao’nung, you rolled your eyes as they smirked at Lo’ak’s awkward crush.

“Maybe I ought to tell her you’re into that huh?” you chuckled into his ear, bringing back his scowl, he flipped you off before swatting you away.

You spent dinner chatting away with the Metkayina your age, and Lo’ak reminding you multiple times to “eat or your food will get cold” or a finger in front of your lips that pointed down to your food as soon as you stopped talking.

Tsireya complimented you on your tweng, sparking a conversation on weaving and accessories. You shared stories of the different bracelets and additions to your necklace, how you helped Neytiri weave Tuk’s first clothes, and when she outgrew them Neytiri wove a piece of it into your necklace before it was repurposed.

She showed you the beads from her first underwater ceremony she performed under her mother, with this, others joined in. Rotxo telling the story of the bones on his necklace, Lo’ak showed off the teeth of his first kill in the forest, Tsireya listening intently. Ao’nung spoke of the beads on his armband and the giant tooth woven into his necklace. the one he took off and insisted you wear while together just the night before.

The conversation was lively and shifted from topic to topic, until some started to yawn and parents came to collect their children, until only a few of you were left. Rotxo and Ao’nung shoved at each other as Tsireya and Lo’ak were immersed in a conversation about the forest, others continued their conversations. You stared up to the sky before a smile fell on your lips and stood up.

You walked around the group, as you passed by Ao’nung you flicked his back with your tail. You kept walking but glanced back and made eye contact with him, you smiled and continued to the shoreline on the other side of the village. You sat in the sand drawing for a few minutes before you heard him coming.

“Took you long enough” you teased, standing up to be face to face with him.

“I didn’t want to be too obvious” He twirled the hair that framed your face with his finger. Grinning, you took a step back.

“I think it’s a little unfair” You drawled, taking slow steps backwards, “That i've learned to swim” with every step you took back, he took one forward. You stopped and you were face to face again “but you haven't learned to fly”

His face dropped; your grin only grew wider.

You resisted the urge to yell as you shot through the air, Ao’nung’s hands holding onto your hips tightly. It was dark but not so dark that you couldn’t see, you flew out past the village and reef. Tsyía cried out, it had probably been a while since she had stretched her wings like this. A smile etched onto your face as you soared through the air. Last time you were over the ocean you were filled with dread, now all you can feel exhilaration.

You couldn’t help the cheers and laughter that escaped you as you accelerated, the waves below you crashed into each other, the sound reminding you of thunder, spraying water on your skin. Slowly you ascend upwards, the ocean now far below you.

“How ya doing back there fishlips?” you smirked.

“I’ll be fine as long as we don't faAA-” you cut him when Tsyía jerked down suddenly, leveling just above the ocean and tilting to the side so the tip of her wing could glide against the water. You laughed as his grip tightened and he jumped closer to you. When he realized what you did, he smacked you on the side of the head.

You snickered “Don’t worry, I won't let you fall” you titled your head back to look at him, delighted look on your face. He still looked uneasy, but he nodded with a smile, he placed his hand on your thigh and wrapped his other arm completely around your waist.

Admittedly, the position was much more secure and comfortable, but you shifted, his skin on yours felt like fire compared to the cool air nipping at you.

You leaned forward more as Tsyía started to circle, not wanting to stray too far from the village. You let your body hang towards the sea as she started to tilt, the circles getting tighter, spurring on her speed. You laughed, thrill and adrenaline buzzing through your veins.

As Tsyía twisted to the point you were almost upside down, out of the corner of your eye you saw Ao’nung reach down and graze the surface of the water with his fingers. Thank Eywa you secured both of you to the saddle.

You noticed it was starting to get late, so you decided it was time to start heading back to the village, a shame since Ao’nung had just started to let loose. You evened out and made a steady pace back to the reef.

Your head fell back resting on Ao’nungs chest as you looked down at the ocean.

“It’s beautiful, isn't it?” You hummed, listening to his heart as it beat steadily.

“I can only wonder what the forest looks like” he pressed his lips to the side of your head. “You must show me one day” he whispered.

A smile grew on your face, you nodded, breathing in the air as it whipped against your face.

As you landed on a secluded part of the beach, you prepared to dismount but Ao’nung beat you to it. He stood to your side, wordlessly he held your hips in his hands and lifted you off and onto the ground, your hands landing on his shoulders for stability.

You pouted, insisting you could do it yourself but he simply laughed, leaning into whisper in your ear “I know.”

You weren't there when Kiri had her seizure, Neytiri and Ronal had taken through the island to collect difference herbs and plants, you ignored Ronal’s subtle remarks about you being too clumsy or ungraceful, it took another kind of patience to calm your mother so she wouldn’t attack the pregnant Tsahik.

You were sorting what you had collected when Neteyam and Rotxo came rushing into the Marui with Kiri in their arms, Jake not far behind them already making a call to the biolab. Before you could ask what happened, or even get a good look at your sister, you were ushered out of the Marui.

You stayed close to the entrance, peaking your ear in, you heard Neteyam explaining to Neytiri that she had a seizure under water.

That’s when you started to hyperventilate. Lo’ak noticed but Ao’nung was the first to act, pulling you into his arms and speaking to you softly, repeating instructions from your breathing lessons. His voice low and firm.

You weren’t calm at all, but you had your breathing under control now. Lo’ak placed a hand on your shoulder, telling you that the lab guys would be here soon, and Kiri would be fine.

It didn’t take long for Norm and Max to run their analysis, but Neytiri had grown impatient and brought Ronal to take over, trusting her position as Tsahik over any human technology. As they walked out of the Marui you perked up and ran over to them.

“Spell! Pa!” You called out to them. Growing up everyone called Max ‘Dr Patel’ and Norm ‘Spellman’, you of course being so young, couldn’t pronounce it and settled on just the ‘Spell’ and ‘Pa’ part. No one ever corrected you, so you never really grew out of it.

They turned around, their mood immediately changing once they saw you. Norm, being in his avatar, picked you up by the armpits and swung you around before placing you on the ground for a hug. “Birdie! How are ya kid?”

Just like how your brother was given his nickname because of how much he crawled around, you were called Birdie because of how you supposedly ‘squawked’ as a baby, you're just glad it didn’t stick like Spider’s did.

Max placed a hand on your arm before pulling you in for a hug, ironic how now you were the taller one.

“I’m good, just worried about Kiri” You pulled away they looked at you sympathetically. “Don’t worry kid, she’s gonna be fine”

You let them both place a kiss on your forehead before retreating to the Marui so they could talk with your dad. As you took your place next to Lo’ak, both he and Ao’nung were giving you amused looks.

“Birdie” They both questioned in unison, you rolled your eyes. “Something neither of you have the privilege of calling me” you state as you flick Lo’ak forehead.

Before either of them can say anything else, you hear Tuk exclaim that Kiri was awake. You peak inside to see your mother holding her hand, Tuk leaning over her, as she starts to cry.

It breaks your heart; you want nothing but to rush in and comfort her but you know she needs space, so you stay back. Lo’ak frowns the same as you rubs your shoulder saying he was right, that she is ok.

You lean back into Ao’nung’s chest as you gaze at your sister, he wraps his arms around you, placing his chin on your shoulder. You were to wrapped up in your sisters distress that you didn’t notice Ronal walking out of the Marui until she stopped in her place, glaring at your display.

“Son.” her voice is cold, Ao’nung jerks his head up, his ears immediately dropping. She doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t even acknowledge you, she just coldly glared at Ao’nung before nodding for him to follow her.

Wordlessly he lets go of you, he gives you an apologetic look before following his mother.

You can tell your heart is only going to break even further...

“What did I tell you son?!” His mother barked, he held his head down, his fists clenching.

“You do not reprimand Tsireya for hanging out with Lo’ak!” He points out.

“Tsireya is not starting fights and slacking on her work because of him.” His mother hisses. She circles around him, picking up his hand to show him his bruised knuckles. “That girl is inept, her connection to Eywa scant.”

He frowns “You cannot know that mother-!” “Do not talk back boy.” She cuts him off.

He helplessly looks to his father who has been observing the whole time, he sighs and stands up. “Ronal, dear, you are being hard on the boy”

“I am talking sense into him. He has already made a fool of us; I will not let the son of the Olo’eyktan court a forest girl when our Tsakarem is already a fool for the forest boy.” she snarled. Ao’nung dug his nails into his palms.

“They have come here to learn our ways and become reef people” Tonowari calmly stated, Ronal narrowed her eyes.

“You let them into our clan and now you let our children mingle with them.” Her voice was steady. “If it weren’t for Tsireya, that girl would be considered an option for Tsahik?”

“Mother! It is not like that” Ao’nung defends

She turns her attention back to him, hissing “I have seen you two, do not think your midnight escaped have gone unnoticed.”

Shit.

Ao’nung looked down, embarrassment coursing through his body.

“I have stayed quiet but I will no longer. Stay away from her.” She hisses before turning and leaving the Marui.

Ao’nung stands there, words caught in his throat. Tonowari places a hand on his shoulder. “Listen to your mother, son.”

You tried to not cry when Ao’nung didn’t show up that night, you knew it was probably his mother, but you still couldn’t help the shame and betrayal that stung at your heart. You waited for hours, you twirled the last flower he gifted you between your finger, the petals falling off wilted.

When you showed up at the pod in the middle of the night, tears running down your face, arms wrapped around yourself, you were surprised to see Neteyam and Kiri up. They were whispering about something, probably her seizure, but as soon as they saw you, it was long forgotten.

They soothed you and help you close as you cried, they didn’t ask what happened, they could probably guess pretty easily, they just cradled you until you fell asleep in their arms. Your face buried against Neteyam’s chest; Kiri’s arms wrapped around your middle.

You felt guilty for interrupting their conversation but the next morning they insisted it wasn’t a problem, that they were glad you came to them. So you spent your entire morning huddled in the corner of the Marui with Kiri, neither of you having the energy to socialize.

Maybe you were being dramatic but you really didn’t want to face Ao’nung or Ronal.

You and Kiri had talked about her seizure, how he was sure it was because of the questions she asked her mother, but that was it. You fell into a comfortable silence until Tuk can barreling in.

“Kiri! Y/n! C’mon you have to come see!!” She squeals, jumping up and down in the entrance. When neither of you seemed receptive, she came in and started dragging the both of you. Kiri protested until She got a glimpse of what was happening in the reef.

“The Tulkun are here!!” Tuk yelled. You stared in awe at the giant creatures filling the reef. Kiri and Tuk both jumped into the water, ready to meet the Tulkun, but you simply walked to the edge of the dock gaping at the sight.

“Y/n” you heard him say your name, you looked down nervously to see Ao’nung on his ilu in the water under you. “I am sorry about last night but please” he reached his hand out to you “Come meet my spirit brother” The apology in his eyes is genuine, you could tell it had pained him how you were visibly hurt and on edge.

Hesitantly, you took his hand and he pulled you down, quickly grabbing a hold of you to place you on the back of his ilu. His hand braced your thigh as he sped off into the crowd of Tulkun. You watched in amazement, the creatures circling far below and bonding with the Metkayina.

A Tulkun jumped out of the water, twisting as it fell back in, the children watching laughing and trying to copy the movement.

“There he is!” He exclaimed “My spirit brother!” He quickened his pace until a Tulkun broke the surface, stopping you both.

“Omui!” Ao’nung grinned “How are you” he placed his hand next to the Tulkun’s front eye. Omui responded with a noise that you couldn’t understand and Ao’nung laughed. “I have been fine, mother and father think I have caused too much trouble though” He signed as he spoke.

The Tulkun made another noise before it’s eyes shifted to you, you tensed up.

Ao’nung patted your thigh, “I want to introduce you to Y/n, she is a girl I have met...” His shy grin explaining more than his words, you blushed equally as hard.

Another noise was made, and you leaned closer to Ao’nung. “I have no idea what he is saying” you admitted

He grins at Omui before looking back at you “He says you are beautiful, that I have fine taste” you feel as if a volcano erupted in your face, a hand coming up to hide your shy smile.

Nervously you signed back “Thank you, you are just as beautiful” He cried out again with what you can only guess was amusement.

You laughed as Omui and Ao’nung shared stories with each other, slowly you started to understand the Tulkun. Tsireya and Lo’ak swam by to greet Omui, briefly talking about you and Ao’nung right in front of you.

You reached over an smacked Lo’ak every time he or Tsireya made a comment about it, ignoring his complaints of getting punished for what Tsireya says.

The rest of the day was spent celebrating, telling stories, and dancing. The music was played from the beach, many Na’vi joining in with their instruments and singing. Many danced atop the Tulkun, there were obviously more experienced dancers, as the seemed to be the focus, but plenty simply danced with each other song to song.

Tsireya and Rotxo insisted on you and your siblings joining them in a group dance. You weren’t completely clueless, as many of the songs and dances had been performed at feasts and other small celebrations, but you and Lo’ak still stumbled and ran into each other continuously, bickering about who’s fault it was.

Often you and Neteyam took turns dancing with Tuk, she jumped around with no regard to the beat or rhythm, until Kiri swept her up in her arms once she was tired out. This left you and Neteyam together, he clearly found amusement in how uncoordinated you were, but he always caught you and was patient when helping you stay with the beat when you fumbled.

Neteyam laughed as he watched the the dismay on your face when Ao’nung and Rotxo pulled you all along in a dance the required hopping from Tulkun to Tulkun, and many seemingly advanced steps. You screeched as you fell an embarrassing amount of times, but Teyam always covered for you, ‘falling’ far less gracefully more than a few times or catching you.

You were dizzy and tired out by the time you made it back to Omui, falling into the water when Lo’ak and Rotxo made an abrupt stop. You groaned and stated you wouldn’t dance anymore, they picked at you for a bit but eventually dispersed, leaving only you and Ao’nung who sat on his ilu with you while you regained your energy.

As it got closer to night, more mellow, soothing songs were played. Ao’nung grinned and held out his hand as he stood on top of Omui, recognizing which song would come next.

“What if we are seen?” You whispered, hesitating to take his hand.

He glanced around before turning back to you, reaching his hand out further “Then we are seen.”

(Play the song now I think?)

And with that you placed your hand in his and he pulls you up, you glance around and realize you’re now farther to the back of the reef. He wraps his arm around your waist and holds your hand in his, slowly swaying you both to the music.

You kept glancing around as people started whistling to the song, instruments playing in the background, but your attention snapped to Ao’nung when he started softly singing the lyrics.

Wasn’t really thinking, wasn’t looking, wasn’t searching for an answer

You stared at him, he continued to grin as he swayed you to the music.

In the moonlight. When I saw your face...

You bit back a smile as he leaned in closer

Saw you looking at me, saw you peeking out from under moon beams

There were plenty of actual performers on the beach singing, but it felt like all you could hear was him. His eyes were completely fixated on you.

Through the palm trees, swaying in the breeze.

He dipped you, moving your hand to his chest as your head fell back, a laugh escaping your lips.

I know I'm feeling so much more than ever before

You held your head up but he kept you in the dipped position, his face now only inches away from yours.

And so I'm giving more to you than I thought I could do~

He pulled you so you were now standing up, he stepped back, now engulfing both your hands in his.

Don’t know how it happened don’t know why but you don’t really need a reason

He leaned closer, he brought one of your hands up to his lips and pressed a kiss to it, a grin spreading across his face. You giggle shyly, not wanting to look away.

When the stars shine

His fingers now intertwined with yours, your arms extended outwards in a slow fall to your sides,

Made to love each other, made to be together for a lifetime

He twirled you, not letting go of each other of your hands, so you were now locked in an embrace with his holding you from the back.

In the sunshine

His breath tickled your ear, causing you to giggle

Flying in the sky

He held you tighter and shook you gently, you laughed, your head falling back to rest on his shoulder

I know I'm feeling so much more than ever before

He slowly released you; he planted a hand on your waist as you turned around to face him again

And so I'm giving more to you than I thought I could do

He closed his eyes, getting into the song, leaning in closer.

He wrapped his arm around your waist again, taking your hand in his, swaying to the music. You stared at each other. His forehead rested against yours, as he twirled you, he placed a chaste kiss on it. You giggled as he continued to sway with you.

Now I know love Is real

You tilted you head so that your foreheads no longer touched, instead your noses did

You had heard this song once before; you could only remember the last few lines, so you softly sang back to him.

So when sky high as the angels try, leaving you and I,

Your lips were only inches apart as you whispered the last words to each other

Fly love...

You stared at each other for a few moments before Omui sprayed water out of his blow hole, interrupting the moment.

“Omui! Gross!” Ao’nung yelled, but you could only laugh, he turned to look at you, his frown softening as he watched you.

You swam back to the docks on his ilu when it got dark, your cheek pressed against his back, arms wrapped around his waist, his hand over yours. You could faintly hear his heartbeat, strong and steady.

“Ao’nung.” You jumped at the cold voice. You peaked from behind his shoulder to see both your parents standing on the dock, your parents looking at you disappointed, Ronal and Tonowari angry.

“Both of you.” The Tsahik pointed in the direction of her Marui “Now.”

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onceuponaoneshotfanfic · 11 months

Text

Don't Need No Butterflies When You Give Me the Whole Damn Zoo

Roy Kent x Teacher!Reader

Warnings: Language, flirty Roy being flirty

1.3k words

Teach Me Tonight Masterlist

“Twenty-three, twenty-four,” you mumbled to yourself as wriggling students piled onto the bus, chattering and calling out to friends they wanted to sit with.

Once all twenty-four kids were onboard, you turned to the chaperones, avoiding a certain pair of brown eyes as you tried to remind yourself that you were working.

“You can all go ahead,” you announced. “Sit anywhere you like.”

The chaperones moved past you, murmuring thank yous as you waved them aboard. A couple mums, a grandmother, a dad, and one ridiculously handsome uncle. The last one stopped, raising his thick eyebrows at you and nodding towards the bus.

“Ladies first,” he insisted in that gorgeous voice, placing his hand on the small of your back.

Your knuckles were practically white as you gripped your clipboard, letting Roy Kent urge you to climb up the bus steps. Pretending that you weren’t blushing furiously, you confirmed numbers with the driver and took the window seat by the bus door. To your surprise, Roy nodded to the seat next to you.

“Think I could join you?” His thick eyebrows were knitted together . “Pheebs decided to sit with Kokoruda. Don’t want to look like a fucking loser, sitting alone.”

Your lack of hesitation was almost embarrassing. “Of course,” you squeaked, scooching closer to the window. “But if a kid gets carsick, I will have to bump you for them.”

His smile had your stomach doing flips. “Well, here’s hoping no one gets sick then.” He took the empty seat, letting his fingers brush against yours as he got comfortable.

The drive to the zoo was simultaneously the shortest and longest ride of your life. Roy quietly chatted with you, telling you how excited Pheobe was for the trip, how relieved he was to have a day away from Jamie Tartt; he was even thoughtful enough to ask you about the novel you’d mentioned during your lunch together, asking you if you’d made any progress in the thick book. It was almost… disappointing when you pulled up at the zoo and had to jump back into teacher mode.

Once you managed to get everyone inside the zoo, you made sure each child knew who their adult was and gave each chaperone their group list and a map of the zoo. You gave quick instructions about where to meet for lunch and dismissed groups to go enjoy their morning, doing your best to ignore the way Roy’s eyes lingered on you.

Before you could lead your group in the direction of the giraffe exhibit, Jack’s dad placed a firm hand on your shoulder.

“Should we get your number?” he asked, wearing that smirk you often saw during drop-offs. “In case we need to get in touch with you. Emergencies and such, you know.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you swore you saw Roy clench his jaw as Phoebe tried to steer him towards the lions.

You shook your head quickly. “It’s fine. If you need me, just use the messaging app like normal. I’ll be checking it all day, I promise.” Your smile was tight as you took a step back, away from his hand that loitered a bit too long; Roy was still frozen in place, just staring at you.

Roy knew you didn’t like the attention from dads like Jack’s; even if you hadn’t explicitly told him, he’d figure that you weren’t the type of person to like their lingering gazes and overly friendly touches. You were too good, too kind, too sweet. But still, seeing the sharkish smile aimed at you had his chest feeling tight and his skin burning.

His chest tightened in a different way when you smiled at him before leading your group on its way. You might not like attention from students’ parents, but you seemed to be just fine with attention from smitten uncles. And for that, Roy was grateful.

It was an easy morning, leading your students from exhibit to exhibit. Just before lunch, your students insisted on a trip to the reptile house. Deciding that you had enough time, you let them wander through the dark hut, gasping and pointing at the snakes and lizards and other creepy crawlies.

Suddenly, as you leaned against a rocky wall and did your head count, you realized there was double the number you were expecting.

“Not a fan of snakes and lizards?”

Roy Kent appeared next to you, looking cooler than you felt as he leaned casually on that same wall.

You chuckled and folded your arms. “Snakes and lizards, yes. The tarantula in that corner over there, not so much.”

“Don’t worry,” Roy tutted quietly, loud enough for only you to hear. “I can protect you.” His hand found your lower back, his thumb brushing the spot where the back of your shirt rode up just a little to reveal a peek of bare skin.

Your breath hitched at his touch, prompting raised eyebrows from him. While his face was amused, his eyes were soft, assuring you that, if you asked, he’d stop touching you, he’d step back and put a respectable distance between you.

But you’d never ask that.

Instead, you smiled shyly up at him, thankful for the darkness that hid your furious blush. “Thanks, Coach,” was all you could manage.

“Anytime.”

The two of you stayed like that, watching the children explore the reptile exhibit with small smiles on your faces, neither of you knowing what to say next. Finally, the alarm on your phone went off, reminding you about lunch. Roy reluctantly let go of you, but walked close as your little groups scampered ahead to the picnic area.

“You’re fun to watch,” he murmured after you answered a student’s random question about why the sky is blue. “With the kids, I mean. Fucking natural.”

His praise had your blush returning. “Thanks.” Feeling bold, you nudged him gently. “But might want to watch the language around the kids, Coach.”

He laughed at your reprimand. “Sorry ’bout that.” He leaned in close, his gruff voice dripping with flirtation. “Don’t suppose that means I have a detention now?”

Every ounce of boldness melted away. “Oh, I, um…” You cleared your throat. “Better make sure everyone has their lunches, hmm?”

Roy watched you as you strolled from table to table, checking on your students and chaperones, the picture of amiability with your smiles. You were in jeans; he hadn’t seen you in jeans before. He liked you in jeans, he decided. Those jeans would probably look great with a Greyhounds kit. One with a number six on the back, perhaps.

The tips of his ears burned when you glanced over and caught him clearly staring. Your shy grin assured him that you didn’t mind; heck, you almost looked like you were enjoying his attention. After checking on the other groups, you finally made your way over to his table, beaming down at Phoebe and her classmates.

“Everyone’s good here?”

The kids showed off their sandwiches and chips and desserts, assuring you that they were set. After acting adequately impressed by their lunches, you nodded to Roy.

“And you, Coach? Got something to eat?”

Roy shrugged, sheepish grin on his face. “Was so busy making Phoebe’s lunch, I fucking forgot to make mine.” He laughed at the grimace on your face. “Effing forgot to make mine,” he corrected. “Sorry.”

By the time he finished apologizing, you’d already reached into your little backpack and pulled out your sandwich, already cut in half, and offered it to him. “Want some?”

“Thanks,” he huffed, taking half and pretending his heart didn’t skip a beat at your thoughtfulness. He couldn’t help but chuckle as he took a bite; how the fuck did you manage to make a simple ham and cheese sandwich taste so good?

You watched him eat, amused by the image of Roy Kent, football legend, infamous grouch, chomping on half a ham sandwich, with his little niece snug against him. He was a one-of-a-kind guy, different from anyone you’d ever dated. Heck, different from anyone you’d ever met.

As you smiled at each other across the picnic table, you couldn’t help but wonder: was Roy Kent ever going to ask you on a proper date?

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#roy kent teach me tonight #roy kent x teacher!reader #he's here he's there he's every fucking where #roy kent #roy kent x reader #roy kent fanfic #roy kent fic #roy kent fanfiction #roy kent fluff #ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso fic #ted lasso fanfic

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flusteredmoonn · 9 months

Text

mean; james potter

summary: "well, you can take me down, with just one single blow," in which he unknowingly disregards her feelings entirely at the prospect of finally getting another's attention.

tags: (SFW), angstsy; not much james x reader, drabble??, fast paced, implied gryffindor!reader, implied pre-existing relationship, yearning!reader, lily is lowkey backhandedly villainised (sorry lils, it wasn't intentional), she/her pronouns, third person y/n.

words: 500+

speak now tracklist. request.

she and james had been friends for as long as she could remember. their parents had been friends throughout their time at hogwarts, meaning that the pair were naturally going to grow up as neighbours and as best friends.

this had lead the pair to create several traditions amongst themselves, outside of their regular friend groups. which is what had brought them to the three broomsticks, each with a stein of butter beer in front of them as they were deep in conversation, as they escaped the heavy snowfall outside.

"if you were an animal, there is no way that you would be a stag. not a chance," she laughed at the boy, who was proudly declaring himself as the forrest-dwelling animal, if he were to take an animalistic form.

"oh, i absolutely am," he nodded enthusiastically with a smile, taking another swig of his drink. she gave him an unsure look before the pair erupted into loud laughter together.

they continued to joke with one another back and forth, ignoring the waves of students that moved through the establishment as they sat with each other for hours.

however, they eventually had left the three broomsticks, arm in arm, walking through hogsmeade against the harsh cold. their jokes hadn't stopped, taking to mocking the isolated strings of conversations they had caught, and continuing them in funny voices, imaging where it would go.

he ruffled the top of her head playfully, shifting her beanie as she swatted his hand away and jokingly scolding him for it.

"jamie!!" she affectionately spoke the nickname as she faked her annoyance, his face softened ever so slightly at it's use.

"y/nnnnn," he dragged her name out in the same tone before they both burst into laughter.

james and y/n where in their own little bubble together as jokes turned into almost shameless flirting, without the eager eyes of their friends.

that was until the boy caught sight of a bright head of hair which highly contrasted the white snow dusting the ground. it was lily. the red headed gryffindor who had the curly haired boy fawning over her since they had all been in their second year.

he pulled away from y/n as he called out to lily, who whipped her head around at the echo of her name. her friends following her eye line as well, rolling their eyes at the overly eager boy and openly expressing their distain toward the boy.

meanwhile, his best friend had been left in the dust. she practically had whiplash from how swiftly james had left her side, hollering out to lily evans and her friends, desperate for her affections.

she stopped in her spot, moving out of the way from the small flow of foot traffic passing through. from afar, she watched her boy try to sweep lily off of her feet, his face beet red as he spoke to her. part of the girl found humour in the fact that the red head's friends were rolling their eyes in disapproval.

moving to a nearby bench, she continued to watch the ordeal. she analysed the girl's body language, and came to a swift conclusion. lily cared for him, in the same lovelorn, irrevocable way in which james cared for her. and the same way which y/n felt for james.

and james, he was eating up all the attention the gryffindor girl was giving him for once. a stark contrast to the immediate rejections that he was used to receiving from her.

frankly, it was hurtful for y/n to watch. her heart felt almost crushed, as she pushed off of the bench and turning her back on the scene, brushing the remnants of snow off her body whilst she walked away.

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bitchinbarzal · 1 year

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Forever my girl | Jamie Drysdale: two

summary: jamie meets billie

Jamie was staying in a hotel, knowing he wasn’t welcome back at his parents house especially not by Charlie.

He got breakfast down at the cafe, still owned by the old couple just like when he was a kid.

“What can get- well as I live and breathe Jamie Drysdale is that you?” Lola, cooed and Jamie smiled

“It’s me Lo”

“Hank come out here! Our Jamie’s home!”

The couple stand fawning over him “do you guys know where I’ll find y/n?”

Lola’s face softened “The flower shop”

He thanked them both, paying for his food and headed out. Hank picked up his cheque, $200 stuffed in the book.

“That boy… let it all get to his head”

Standing outside the flower shop, Jamie looked up at the sign that now read SWEETPEA’S FLOWERS

Through the window he could see you talking to a customer, pointing to the various arrangements on the countertop.

He waited until the shop was empty before he headed inside, your back was turned to him.

“That was some slap you gave me yesterday” he mumbled.

You turned with a scowl “That was just a warning shot”

His eyerow raised “Oh really?” He has an amused grin on his face.

Your back is facing him once again “uh huh”

Jamie stands, taking in his surroundings “So this is where you work now, eh?”

You slam down a bunch of daises rather aggressively “I own it”

“Bought it after Mrs Richards died five years ago”

Jamie’s eyebrows furrowed “Oh”

You stop what you’re doing and look at him, tired “Yes Jamie, I actually did something with my life after you walked out on me and a lot has changed round here since you left, my mama passed did you know that?”

His heart drops, your mom had always supported Jamie since he was little.

“No… no I’m so sorry I didn’t know”

You laugh, almost mocking him “Have you noticed that since you’ve been gone, Jamie that nobody here has ever spoken to any of those tabloids or the media about you and your life here… about what you did?”

He anxiously scratches the back of his neck “yeah because I left you”

It’s not like he hadn’t thought about it since he left.

You chuckle “No, you left us all that day Jamie… nobody’s spoken about what you did that day because here in Hope we’ve got each others back and I’m not sure you belong here anymore”

“y/n-“

“Just leave Jamie, don’t you have some big city model to get back to in California?”

He decided not to push you, not after the slap you gave him yesterday so he turned to leave.

“Hi mama!” Billie shouted as she pushed open the door to the shop, Josie and her boys following close behind.

In a rush, you push past Jamie and down to Billie’s level “Hi Sweetpea! How was school?”

“Meh same old, same old” she shrugged to which both you and Jamie chuckle. She was so mature for her age.

“Jamie” Josie growled, her baby boy on her hip.

Jamie nodded at her “Josie”

You noticed Billie becoming aware of the tension “Hey, so aunt josie is gonna take you all to get cupcakes from Lola’s ok? My treat”

She smiles “but only a little bit I don’t wanna ruin dinner, my grandma and poppy are coming over”

Then she looks at Jamie “Hey, I know you! You’re that hockey player my mama watches on the television my grandma has pictures of you in her house”

Jamie smiles softly “I’m Jamie”

Billie holds her hand out “I’m Billie”

You watch Jamie’s face falter “Billie?”

“Uh huh”

Jamie then looks at you “wow… that’s a, really pretty name”

You interrupt “Okay sweet pea time to-“

“Hold up a second” Jamie stops you, standing infront of Billie “How old are you, Billie?”

You see her curl into herself, anxiety prevalent

“I’m not very tall for my age but my poppy says I’ll grow… I’m six”

Jamie’s eyes widened “Six, eh?”

“Okay! Time to go!” Josie announces, wrangling the kids out the door.

Billie heads out, stopping to wave “Bye mama! Bye Jamie!”

“Bye Sweetpea!” You shout through the tears forming in your eyes.

You stand, still looking out the door as your babygirl walks away. You don’t want to look at him.

“Six, eh?”

You sigh, pinching your head “I think we should talk”

hi jamie, it’s me again.

I think this is the last time I’m calling. I can’t keep doing this. I watched your debut, I’m really proud of you but I need you to call me back… please jamie you want to hear what I’ve got to say.

#forever my girl au #jamie drysdale x reader #jamie drysdale imagine

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buckychristwrites · 1 year

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When The Rain Gathers | Chapter Two | j.t.

↳ Pairing: Jamie Tartt x f!reader

↳ Word Count: 3.7k

↳ Summary: Pain hits like a downpour, but when a heartbreak from your past is what greets you at your new job at Nelson Road Stadium, it's more like a catastrophic tsunami.

↳ Warnings: Enemies to lovers, Discussion of parental abuse, fluff and angst.

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Main Blog

“Fuck. Focus.”

Jamie paced outside of the door of your new office. The door was open, but the inside was completely bare save a desk, three chairs and a laptop. Due to the impending doom in his brain and the never-ending racing heart in his chest, he hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. So, instead of waltzing into the changing room just moments before training was due to start, as he normally would, he was there an hour early, waiting for your arrival.

Hesitantly, he made his way into the empty office. Wherever he waited, he would feel like a shithead, so might as well feel like a shithead with his arse in a seat. It didn’t have any signs of you in it just yet, which made sitting there alone much easier to swallow. It wouldn’t be the same in the future, once the room was covered with your fingerprints and homey touches. He took the seat closest to the window. Heavy rain hit the glass and rooftop, making sure to echo throughout the entire building. It made him think of the drive in front of his mum’s house back home, and a little red car packed with luggage.

Blinking, he looked away.

“Jamie?”

He turned to find Dr. Fieldstone at the doorway. Her hand was on the frame as she stared at him.

“You alright, Doc?” He asked, shifting so he could comfortably face her. She took a glance around the room in obvious confusion.

“What are you doing here?” She asked. He took a glance around himself, realising how silly this must’ve looked.

“Got an appointment this mornin’,” He said. It was a lie. But him feigning confusion was the only sort of explanation he could come up with. Sharon shook her head.

“Your appointment would be with me, but I don’t have you on my schedule.”

This made Jamie scrunch his face up in confusion.

“I thought…” He pointed to the desk. “I thought she…” Before he could continue with his thought, Sharon shook her head. It was like she read his mind.

“Your appointments will continue with me,” She explained. “I was informed there’s a… conflict of interest.” She tilted her head to the side thoughtfully.

He wondered how much you had told Sharon. Did she know everything? Did you tell her what he did? The kindness on her face suggested that she didn’t have a clue, but then again, it’s her job to pretend to be nice to him, wasn’t it?

He brought a hand to his face, running it across his forehead. Of course Sharon wasn’t being nice because it’s her job. That was just his mind running away from him.

“Don’t get yourself worked up, Jamie,” She assured him. “We’re not allowed to treat people we know. It’s just not ethical. Nothing more than that.” He released his held breath. Giving him a knowing look, she leaned forward into the room, lowering her voice. “You can tell me why you think it’s about more than that at your appointment… tomorrow.”

Oh man. She is good.

Dr. Fieldstone did not loiter, just gave him a final look before walking back to her office. Jamie remained seated as he ran a hand down his face.

He tried to think of literally anything else, but when he looked outside at the rain again, all it did was bring back more memories of you.

Every second that he was awake since the revelation yesterday, which had been a lot more time than he would’ve liked, he was on the brink of a complete mental breakdown. At this moment in your office, he found himself preemptively doing his grounding techniques.

“I see and feel this desk,” He muttered to himself. He placed his other hand on the chair. “I feel this chair. I see a white wall. I see the…the rain…”

What am I going to do without you?

“God dammit.” Resisting the urge to punch something, he ran his fingers through his hair. Maybe he should just go down to the changing room and get ready for training. Did this conversation really have to happen right now, this early morning? Maybe it could wait, at least until after training.

But it couldn’t. Jamie knew that well enough. It was already affecting him at home, keeping him up at night. Lord only knows how it would hurt him during training, if he didn’t get it out of the way. And if he fucked up on the pitch, Roy Kent would have his balls.

He knew the only way to move on was to open the door to communicate, and the only person to do it had to be the one who closed that door in the first place. Him.

“Thank god me appointment is tomorrow,” Jamie muttered to himself as he grabbed his phone from his pocket, opening Instagram to pass the time.

“No, mum, I don’t have any appointments today,” You said into your phone speaker as you drove down the road. “It’s my first day. I think I’ll just be signing paperwork and going over policies. All that general stuff.” Behind you came a loud giggle, and when you glanced in the rearview, you caught Ivy hitting her hand against the window. She had always loved the rain, which she couldn’t have learned from you. The rain was your worst enemy.

“Did ya see Jamie Tartt?” Your mum asked, trying to sound casual. You stared out the windscreen, wondering why she would do this right now. All it did was force you to revisit the anger you had felt all of last night that she didn’t warn you of his place on the team.

“Yes, I saw Jamie,” You sighed.

“Did you kick him in the fuckin’ balls for me?”

This made you laugh. “No, unfortunately, my new boss who’s kind of scary was right there.” From the other side of the phone, you could hear her mutter something incoherent before she responded.

“Please do, when you get the chance, love.”

As you pulled into the car park of Nelson Road Stadium, Ivy let out another laugh. You could see the car of your babysitter waiting for you.

“Alright, mum, I gotta go,” You said as you turned the car off. “Love you. I’ll phone later.”

“Love you, darlin’,” She said. “Give Ives a kissie from her nan.”

“Will do.” Ending the call, you stuffed the phone in your pocket before grabbing your bag and climbing out of the car. When you opened the door to the backseat, Ivy was focused on the stuffed teddy on her lap. “Alright, love. Are you ready to go with the babysitter?”

Ivy furiously shook her head.

“No, please.”

You knew it would be hard. She had loved her babysitter back in the United States. Ivy wasn’t the type to become accustomed to strangers quickly, and you worried about the young girl behind you, who was climbing out of her car just as you undid Ivy’s seatbelts.

“Thank you for meetin’ me here!” Shannon called to you as she shut the car door and made her way over. “My mum needed help with somethin’, and it was faster to meet you than to race home.”

You glanced over towards her car, spotting the car seat that was similar to Ivy’s. A sigh of relief fell from your chest. At least you didn’t have to transfer the car seat over to her car.

“I should be thanking you,” You said as Ivy curled into your shoulder. “I know it’s last minute but I needed someone fast.” Shannon leaned her head towards Ivy, sending a wave her way. Though the toddler didn’t completely hide her face, she didn’t reciprocate the gesture, either.

“Hello, Ivy,” She said delicately.

You set your daughter down on the cement. She pressed herself into your legs before looking up at the sky. For a moment, she seemed to forget the fear, her little hands reaching up as she smiled at the clouds. It was hard not to watch when she got like this. You had never seen any toddler behave like this about anything, so of course it would be yours who would have such a delightful, intense love for something.

“She loves the rain,” You explained to Shannon, who was looking at her in awe and confusion. “I’ve never met a toddler more obsessed.”

Shannon kneeled down to Ivy’s level, her eyes warm and friendly. “I like the rain too. Would you like to be friends, Miss Ivy?” Ivy clearly was debating this, looking up at you for reassurance. You gave her a little nudge with a smile.

“I like Shannon,” You told her. “I think you’ll like her too. But you do have to go with her.”

Ivy’s gaze found Shannon again as you guided her to the young girl. With all of the hesitation in the world, when Shannon offered her hand, Ivy took it but not before throwing you an unsure glance.

“Maybe we can jump through puddles for a little bit before going back to the house!” Shannon suggested excitedly. “Would you like that?” Ivy’s eyes seemed to glaze over, and then she was jumping up and down in excitement. You sighed in relief as you kneeled down to say goodbye to your daughter.

“I love you, babe,” You said to her, giving her a kiss and hug, which she lovingly returned. “Mummy’ll pick you up after work, okay?”

“Love you, mummy!” She shouted as you stood up.

As Ivy turned to face Shannon, you grabbed a box of belongings for your office out of the backseat of your car. From what you could tell, as far as first meetings go, Ivy was doing incredibly well. Better than you had expected, considering the stress of the move and the new environment. Although, leaving her with babysitters never got any easier. You wished it were possible to just bring her to work with you. Having an adorable, therapy toddler would be perfect for the players.

Well. Except the one you wanted nowhere near her.

You gave them a quick wave before making your way inside. When you threw one last look over your shoulder, you found that Ivy had already found the largest puddle she could, jumping into it and sending water scattering. The anxiety in your chest was replaced with ease. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

The security guard waved you through without looking up from his computer. It was livelier this morning than it had been the previous day, with people shuffling down the hallways in packs. As you quickly walked in the direction that Rebecca had shown you to get to your office, you kept your head down. The first day jitters were hitting you hard at this moment. Sounds seemed to fade as you made your way up the stairway towards your office. The idea of being alone for even a moment before you started working with Sharon sounded just heavenly.

You froze at the top of the steps, your eyes quickly spotting the presence waiting for you.

He was wearing a hat that boldly said I,COG. The brim covered his face as he looked down at his phone, but you knew it was him. You inhaled sharply before taking another step forward.

“Well, this isn’t quite the welcome wagon I had wanted.”

Jamie jumped out of the seat, his phone clattering to the floor. Without looking at him, you crossed into the room and rounded the desk, so you were on the opposite side as him. His eyes followed you the whole way, your chest burning in anxiety. This was the last thing you had expected, let alone wanted, to happen when you walked into Nelson Road Stadium that morning. You set the box of your things on your desk before letting your hands rest on your hips.

“Fuck,” He muttered as he snatched his phone off the floor. The red in his cheeks and the disgruntled look on his face told you everything you needed to know. He was dreading this conversation just as much as you were.

“What can I do for you?” Your voice was professional as you tried to put a wall up between yourself and him. Jamie stared at you before shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

“I just…Well…” He sighed. “I thought we should… talk.”

You let out a prolonged “Oh…” with the corners of your mouth ticking upwards in a smile, but it wasn’t a kind one. The professionalism you had been forcing was quickly melting away.

“A bit late for this talk,” You said, your eyes staring at the ceiling in thought. “Let’s see… about three years! Yeah, three years too late.” It was hard to keep your anger level down, as it was already boiling over in your chest. The heat that rose up your neck and into your cheeks was intense.

Jamie shook his head. “You have every right to be angry-“

“Well, thank fuck that I have your permission to be angry. No idea what I would do without it.”

Jamie’s hands gripped at the strap of his bag like he was holding on for dear life. You could see his nails were down to the nubs. You couldn’t help but wonder; When did he start biting them again? Pushing the thought away, you scolded yourself for caring.

Part of you felt bad for the sarcasm, but you couldn’t help it. Before starting this line of work, you were the most sarcastic person there was, and seeing Jamie brought out parts of you that you hadn’t visited in a long time.

It felt like you had jumped into one of your daydreams. The dreams of finally getting to tell Jamie off for the turmoil he caused. In some of them, you were angrier, throwing things and screaming in his face. In others, you were indifferent to him, examining your nails as he begged for forgiveness at your feet. Now that the moment was here, the reality was it felt like it was a combination of a lot of things. The biggest emotion you felt, however, was just pain. Simply looking at him caused your chest to ache.

For Jamie, however, all he felt was guilt, and waves and waves of devastation. Simply looking at you reminded him of his past failures, of the man his father had turned him into. The man he had been working so hard to stop being. When he would dream of this moment, he never imagined you’d forgive him, so at least you were following the script.

“Can I just explain-“

“I don’t want an explanation,” You said firmly, waving your hand. “I just want to come in, do my job, and leave. I didn’t ask for any of this.” He glanced around the room as he carefully considered his next words.

“Did- did ya know? That I play here?” He asked slowly. You had begun pulling papers out of the box when he spoke, and you dropped a pad of paper down quite loudly on top of the desk, causing Jamie to flinch.

“Yeah, Jamie,” You said, rubbing one of your eyes with a fist. “I not only continued to follow your career after you fucking dropped off the face of my world, but I decided to uproot my entire life and move back here from the other side of the Earth and take a job at this football club specifically just because you play here. And I did all of that because I’m still hopelessly in love with you, and am trying to win you back.”

Jamie cocked a head as he stared at you. Though he should've been focusing on your words, regardless of how malicious they were, he was trying to pinpoint what was so different about you. A long moment passed before he spoke again.

“Your accent is different.”

He could tell the statement caught you off guard, as your breath hitched in your throat.

“The Americans got to me.” It sounded rehearsed, and he wondered how your proud Mancunian mum handled hearing you talk these days.

The two of you stared at each other in stunned silence. His eyes wandered until something in the box on the desk caught his eye. A small figure with deep brown hair and familiar looking eyes. Taking a step forward, he reached for a picture frame that was on top.

“Who’s-“

You snap the lid shut, almost catching the tips of his fingers.

“What right do you have to know?” You asked, your voice cold. “What right do you have to know anything about me anymore?”

He heard it. The quiver in your voice. The falter in your hard exterior. It was disarming. This felt so much different than any other anger you had ever directed towards him. In all of the years he had known you, you had never shut him out like this before. He didn’t know how to take it.

He conceded. “I guess I don’t.”

“Great,” You said with reformed confidence. “Glad we agree. Now get the fuck out of my office.” Without wasting another second, you turned away from him, as if your heart wasn’t drowning in devastation. Instead, you kept pretending that it was fire in your chest.

He hovered as you began to unpack the box once more. When you set out the picture frame he had reached for, you had angled it so he couldn’t see who was in the photo. Briefly, he considered trying to look at it again, now that it was out in the open, but he didn’t. The last thing he wanted to do was make you angrier than you already were. Instead, he turned, and made his way out the door and down the stairs.

The changing room was well and alive when Jamie entered. Laughter and conversation greeted him like an old friend. He made his way to his locker with his head down. Though some hellos were tossed his way, he didn’t return them. His head was spinning too much to speak.

“Oi.”

Jamie turned to find Roy Kent making his way towards him. He sat down on the bench next to where Jamie had set his bag down.

“Did you talk to her?” He kept his voice low to avoid the nosey teammates from overhearing. Jamie scratched his nose.

“Erm yeah. We talked.”

“And how did it go?” Roy sounded surprisingly curious, and, though anyone knew he would never admit it, concerned.

Jamie shook his head before saying, “Fuckin’ awful, mate.”

“I think it went as well as expected,” You said into your phone. In the heat of the moment after Jamie had left the room, you did the first thing you could think of to clear your head: Call your mum.

“Did ya…” She hesitated, and you knew whatever she was about to say next wouldn’t be something you liked. “Did ya tell him? About Ivy?” I sigh heavily, the breath forcing its way out of my chest.

“Of course not.”

“He needs to know, love,” Your mum said softly. “Is he a right prick? Of course. But he deserves to know that he’s her-“

“Don’t say it, please.” With your free hand, you rub one of your eyes. You smack it down against the wooden desk before speaking again. “I’ll tell him when I’m ready.” You heard her laugh softly, making you wonder if she was trying to hide it from you.

“The longer ya wait, the harder it will be, d’ya know what I mean?”

“Yes, mum.” There was a long pause on the other end of the line, and then you heard a sigh come through the phone.

“You need to call me more so you can start talkin’ like a Mancunian again,” She scolded. “Can’t stand this new pseudo-American accent on you.” You shook your head in annoyance.

“Okay, bye mum,” You said, hanging up before she could say anything else. The phone made a loud noise when you tossed it across your desk. Resting your head in your hands, you let out a loud sigh. The day was not starting how you would’ve liked.

A gentle knock at the door forced you to look up. Sharon walked into the room with a laptop and a giant binder. Across the spine read “Policies and Procedures.” She was eyeing you, but you couldn’t read her expression. As easy as it was to read everyone else, you clocked Sharon as the type who could hide herself away very well.

“You ready to get started?” She asked, sitting down in the chair that Jamie had previously been sitting in. Inhaling deeply in an effort to appear calm, you nod.

“Of course.”

Out of the binder, Sharon pulls a stack of papers.

“These are just the standard tax forms and policy agreements.”

Without audibly responding, you take the stack and begin to flip through them. The room was silent besides the rain that continued to fall. It was hard to focus, as Jamie’s face kept appearing in your mind. Rope in the fact that you were being watched by someone who could professionally read people, and the struggle was intensely real.

“So…” Sharon started in a casual voice. “You and Jamie Tartt.”

You glanced up in surprise. It was entirely unexpected for her to bring up. Sharon had a knowing smile on her face, the epitome of innocence. She didn’t wait for you to respond before speaking again.

“What’s the story there?”

You think about her question. To say something. To not say something. Without meaning to, your eyes fall on the photo of Ivy that now sat on your desk. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Sharon following your gaze to the frame, though she couldn’t see who was pictured on the other side.

“It’s a long one,” You tell her as your eyes fall back to the paperwork. She leans back in the seat.

“Well, I’d love to hear it sometime,” She said in her gentle tone, a hint of curiosity. “If the look on Jamie’s face this morning, or your demeanour right now are any indicator, I’d say it’s certainly an interesting one.”