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shuahoonie · 1 year ago

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unspoken words | jeon wonwoo

pairing: non-idol!wonwoo (svt) x fem!reader

notes: office!au (kinda?), fluff, suggestive jokes, swearing, idiots 2 lovers. alcohol consumption, jeonghan the matchmaker. the one where reader and wonwoo’s paths kept missing each other until they didn’t. loosely based on the song unspoken words by mxmtoon.

word count: 5.1k

summary: you and wonwoo always had a complicated relationship— no matter how hard you two tried, your lives had a funny way of getting intertwined.

and stubborn may you both be, wonwoo will always admit his feat when it comes to you.

part of the to x, with love mini series

shuahoonie's masterlist | to x, with love masterlist

“i never asked you to stay,” wonwoo muttered as you helped him clean up after the info session that your work had conducted for a group of students.

“this is ridiculous,” you sighed more so to yourself “there’s no way you could’ve done this by yourself.” you said while you held the blue recycling bin, gathering all of the leftover flyers and other papers that had writing on them. you also had a separate bin for the coffee lids and cup sleeves to put in the recycling as well.

“you could’ve just left,” wonwoo was watching you the entire time, making a mental note that you were serious about putting away your trash. “i know seokmin is waiting for you in the lobby.”

“it’s okay.” you replied, not even bothering to look him in the eye. instead, you gathered everything in a neat pile.

“you shouldn’t keep him waiting,” the words came out so harsh when he said it. even wonwoo was surprised, he wasn’t usually like this.

“he’ll be fine,” you said dismissively, not really in the mood to argue with him.

“yn,” wonwoo calls your name as if he hated doing it. “go.”

it took everything within you to stop yourself from yelling at him. “your anger will mean nothing,” seokmin’s words would ring in your ear. so you took a deep breath, dropped what you were doing and left without another word.

“oh, seok, i was ready to pounce him.” you grumbled, stabbing the lettuce on your salad a little too aggressively.

"what, like sexually?" seokmin realized it was a bad joke. the way you were practically throwing daggers at him made it painfully obvious that you were not in the mood to kid around. "i'm sorry, yn, but you really need to lighten up."

"if there's anyone who needs to lighten up, it's him," you argued, munching on your greens. "in fact, maybe i should light him up."

"i still don't understand how you two got off on the wrong foot," seokmin points out, hoping a proper explanation will emit from you.

you shrugged because you didn’t know what to tell your friend. the first time you properly met wonwoo was at your workplace. you even thought he was cute— quiet, had the nicest smile. your other coworkers were even raving about how polite and kind he was.

imagine your surprise when the ‘polite’ cutie from the editorial floor practically threw daggers at you as soon as you stepped into the office with the cerulean blue folders. this threw off wonwoo as he did the preparation for the meeting.

“in my defence, i saved both our asses when i replaced the folders during that important meeting with the new york office,” you grumbled.

unbeknownst to you, wonwoo kept a close track of your encounters. the first time wonwoo met you was through university.

you were the president of the school’s undergraduate publication journal and you were only in your second year. wonwoo was one of the new student recruits, he was a third year. he actually thought you were cute until you had assigned him to deal with international relations— wonwoo had applied for the editorial layout section. wonwoo was not happy.

you probably don’t remember him, wonwoo knew it. how could you? you were running around, trying to figure out the logistics, gather and have people review these submissions, edit and have it all printed before the next term starts. meanwhile, wonwoo was stuck somewhere, trying to solve things on his end. you only left notes on his work, you two barely met during meetings. you two had no direct contact.

once you were in your third year, you had to step down as president and become a casual editor instead. wonwoo became the publication journal’s president that year. you two still had no direct contact.

you unintentionally beat him for that librarian assistant position that wonwoo was gunning for as it'll boost his resume.

somehow, for wonwoo, you were always one step ahead of him and he doesn't like that one bit.

so the day you pranced into the office with your signature bright smile, wonwoo felt territorial over a place where he felt like he finally was one step ahead of you.

wonwoo didn't even like that seungcheol served you the last chocolate cake the day he stopped by at heaven's cloud cafe.

"how could you, cheol?" wonwoo huffed, his arms crossed, as cheol placed the iced americano and a slice of strawberry cake on wonwoo's table.

"it's just a slice, dude," seungcheol looked at him weirdly. "and you don't even like chocolate.”

“yeah, but i wanted a chocolate cake today.”

“jeon wonwoo, quit being weird and eat your cake,” jun comments as he appears behind seungcheol, dropping his things on the floor and sitting on the opposite of wonwoo.

while jun waits for his order to arrive, he worked on the monthly report that his boss has been pressuring him to do. as jun went on rambling about how much he hates his job, wonwoo is occupied with the idea of you. how you were always a step ahead of him.

from then, jeon wonwoo declared a one-sided competition against you.

your idea of jeon wonwoo was simple— he was the cute guy from the editorial team who hates your guts. why? surely, you don’t know.

one rainy afternoon, seokmin made sure to tell you that he won’t be able to give you a ride home, so he gave you the spare umbrella that he had.

“please be kind, ynnie, and let someone stand under your umbrella if they don’t have theirs,” seok reminded you.

“you know damn well i’m always kind,” you huffed with a pout— in which seok just gave you a pointed look before he handed you an umbrella and your lunch.

it seemed that your words had come to haunt you because here you were, walking under the rain using seok’s tiny umbrella, passing by wonwoo who was waiting in front of the office building— probably waiting for the rain to stop as he had no umbrella.

“he’d be waiting all night,” you thought to yourself. you had a long internal battle whether you’d just ignore him but seok’s words were ringing in your ear.

taking a deep breath, you asked “do you want to share an umbrella?”

wonwoo’s startled eyes looked at you and your umbrella. “i’m calling a cab,” he answered. wonwoo wasn’t exactly lying, he’s been trying to get one but the rain has made it extremely difficult to find one.

“well, you’d be calling all night. cabs are extremely hard to find especially at times like these,” you answered. wonwoo hated that you were right. again, always one step ahead of him. “subways are still running, do you want to walk together?”

wonwoo stared at you for what felt like an eternity before you rolled your eyes and pulled him under your umbrella. “we’re walking, stop overthinking it.”

you two were walking quietly in the rain. you’ve been coworkers for almost a year now and you can’t remember the time you and wonwoo had a proper conversation— one that you two didn’t end up bickering about senseless things. you didn’t even know why you two were always butting heads when you two were always working closely together.

as you tried to squeeze the two of you under seok’s tiny umbrella, you noticed that his shoulder was practically soaking wet. of all the umbrellas that he’d give you, he had to choose the tiniest one he owned. this prompted you to hover the umbrella more on his side, allowing the rain to soak your exposed shoulder instead.

wonwoo noticed how you moved the umbrella towards him, making him raise an eyebrow. you were wonwoo’s greatest puzzle— he can’t guess your next move and what’s worse is that you’re always one step ahead of him. “what are you doing?” he asked with furrowed brows.

you looked up at him, suddenly aware of how tall he is. no wonder your arms were getting tired from holding that damn umbrella up. “what do you mean?” you asked, confused by his question.

wonwoo grabbed the umbrella from you— your hands touching for a brief moment. you ignored whatever was forming in the pit of your stomach. maybe you’re just hungry? wonwoo hovered the umbrella closer to you, fully aware of the fact that his shoulder was getting wet from the rain. “you’re getting soaked,” wonwoo replied curtly.

“so are you,” you pointed out as you held the umbrella and tried to move it closer to him. however, wonwoo resisted it.

“i’m fine,” he says.

“whatever you say,” you huffed “it’s not like you intended to have annoyingly broad shoulders anyway,” you grumbled more to yourself, hoping he didn’t hear it. however, wonwoo heard your frustration over his shoulders and he couldn’t fight off the smile on his face.

it was the first time he could openly admit to himself that you made him smile. it was also the first time you caught him smiling.

“oh, how adorable,” mingyu grinned upon hearing the umbrella-sharing story from wonwoo. “and you said you weren’t one for office romances,” he teased earning a glare from wonwoo.

"because i'm not," wonwoo rolled his eyes "and i don't like her," he said almost defensively.

mingyu snorted "yeah, as if i haven't heard that line before." he said while setting up the living room for a movie night between him, wonu, jun, and chan. jun and ichan were running a little late as they were buying drinks.

"well, it's true," wonwoo crossed his arms "there's something about her that makes me feel like..." wonwoo trailed off, finding the right words to say.

"like?" mingyu sat on the couch, turning towards wonwoo— clearly invested.

"like... fuck, i don't know..."

mingyu lets out a dramatic gasp. "dude," he stares at wonwoo in complete awe. "you swore..."

"and?"

"you never swear unless you're completely frustrated," mingyu pointed out, a teasing look glimmering in his eyes. "you like yn, huh?!"

before wonwoo could even answer, mingyu's doorbell rang. saved by the bell, wonwoo thought.

"oh, this is not over, jeon wonwoo." mingyu said with a smirk, making wonwoo groan.

"seok, quit looking at me like that," you whined as you hugged the pillow tighter, placing your chin on top of the pillow.

"what?" seok grinned "it's nice to know that your beef with your coworker is slowly coming to an end."

"he was probably thinking how ridiculous i sounded for mentioning his shoulders," you grumbled. "why did i even mention his shoulders?!" you groaned.

seokmin couldn't help but laugh at how adorable you were being. "oh my sweet, ynnie," he cooed, ruffling your hair.

"here you go, yn," vernon said as he handed you a pint of ice cream. you were hosting a sleepover with seok, vern, and kwan. you three were waiting for seungkwan to arrive with the rest of the snacks.

you initially thought that you'd have the ice cream later but vernon thought that you might need it sooner than later. "thanks, nonie," you smiled at him.

"for what it's worth ynnie, he finally smiled at what you said." vernon said before taking a bite of his ice cream.

"and now yn is acting up because she thought he was cute," seokmin said teasingly, making vernon laugh.

wonwoo believes that the universe is out to get him. he kept complaining that you were always one step ahead of him and now, the universe is starting to retaliate.

"take yn," his manager tells him, making wonwoo clutch tighter on his notebook.

"sir?" wonwoo must be hearing things. there's no way that his manager actually asked him to take yn, right?

"take yn ln," his manager stresses your name. "didn't you two work on the last summit?"

"yes, but sir—"

"then it's final," his manager dismisses wonwoo "you two did a wonderful job with the last summit, i'd like you two to work on this year's professional development sessions."

"you two make a wonderful team," was the final thing that his manager said. without another word, wonwoo left the office feeling defeated. how can wonwoo be one step ahead of you if the universe is making him walk alongside you?

it was no surprise that wonwoo was everyone's office crush in the editorial department. people would often turn their heads whenever he walked by. this time was no exception.

the people on your floor knew the budding tension between you two. so when wonwoo was walking towards your desk with two coffees and a bag of dessert in hand, heads definitely turned and people were bound to talk.

"here," wonwoo hands you an iced americano and a bag of what you assumed was a slice of chocolate cake, catching you off-guard. your desk computer was showing the available job listings in the other departments. "are you thinking of transferring?" he asked as he leaned closer to your monitor— closer to you. his cologne was easily filling your nostrils. you hate that he smells good. how are you supposed to despise a man who smells good?! you thought. wow, the bar is literally on the floor.

"i'm keeping my options open," you answered as you crossed your arms, snapping yourself to reality. "it's not like you're making my life any easier here," you muttered the latter sentence, though you did hope that he heard it.

it's been a month since you and wonwoo started working on the company's professional development sessions. it's also been a month of torture. you've gotten frequent migraines that you started looking up if taking tylenol frequently will kill you. you didn't like the results.

wonwoo heard the latter sentence. while the month has been torture for you, wonwoo didn't mind your company at all. sure you were butting heads most of the time, but he noticed how much you were willing to compromise just to settle a conclusion between you two. wonwoo liked pushing your buttons. he found you cute even if you wanted to bite his head off.

"is this a peace offering?" you motioned to the coffee and the cake that was sitting on your desk.

"for what?" wonwoo smirked, playing coy. "you agreed to the after-session event, fair and square."

"bitch?!" you stared at him as if he's gone mad "if anything, you made it your life's mission to annoy me into agreeing that going to an escape room is what we need after overloading our brains from the sessions."

"yn ln, you know i can go to HR because you cursed at me, right?"

"jeon wonwoo, you know we're banned from that floor unless there's a serious allegation," you said, massaging your temples. "now humour me, what's with the coffee and cake?"

"oh, i stopped by at heaven's cloud café earlier and jeonghan practically insisted that you have these," wonwoo said casually, looking away.

you stared at him suspiciously, "thanks, i guess." you haven't spoken to jeonghan in a while since you've always been swamped with work. but maybe that's why you got free coffee and desserts?

before you could even ask wonwoo another question, he quickly left without even looking back at you. deciding to ignore it, you snapped a quick picture of the coffee and the cake, shooting jeonghan a quick text, "thanks for the coffee & cake, hannie! miss u! ♡"

"jeon wonwoo, is there a reason why yn sent me a text earlier, thanking me for the coffee and cake that i didn't give her?" jeonghan asked wonwoo, who was busy typing away on his laptop. wonwoo stopped at jeonghan's place after work as their other friends will be dropping by later as well.

"i don't know what you're talking about," wonwoo mumbled, not looking at han in the eye.

jeonghan was having none of it. "i'm texting yn that you gave those things to her," he threatened, pulling out his phone.

knowing jeonghan is probably going to commit to it, wonwoo sighed and threw his hands in defeat. "fine."

“and so the plot thickens,” jeonghan smirked, crossing his arms. “so is there a reason why?"

"she was having a rough day," wonwoo explained, closing his laptop. that report will be dealt with tomorrow. "i felt bad."

jeonghan raised an eyebrow at him. "i thought you didn't like her?"

"i don't."

"funny, because that's an odd way of expressing how you dislike her," jeonghan said, making wonwoo roll his eyes.

“i can at least recognize all the work she’s been doing in planning the pd session,” wonwoo replied, defensive.

jeonghan smirked because he knew. he knew that wonwoo was walking on a thin line. in fact, jeonghan was 100% sure that his friend has gone soft for you. “okay, whatever you say.”

“ynnie!” seungcheol calls your name as he spots you, busy choosing what kind of juice you are going to buy. you decided to stop by at the grocery to grab a couple of things for the fridge.

you gave him a small wave, smiling. seungcheol, however, was eager to give you a hug. you, cheol, and han shared a couple of classes back when you three were in university. you were always supportive of their endeavours that’s why cheol & han always had a soft spot for you— they considered you like a little sister that they always had to take care of.

“how was the cake from earlier? you know i’ve been taking a lot of baking lessons recently,” cheol said with a proud smile.

“oh, it was great, cheol!” you said sincerely “i sent jeonghan a text earlier, saying thanks.”

“thanks for what?”

“for the cake…?” you trailed off, a bit off-guard by the confusion plastered on seungcheol’s face.

“why would you thank jeonghan?” seungcheol asked, even more confused.

“jeonghan wasn’t there?”

cheol shook his head no. “unless jeonghan told wonwoo, but i assumed wonwoo bought it for you. i was teasing him about it too, since he doesn’t like chocolate that much.”

“ah,” was all you could say as you felt your cheeks burning, surprised by cheol’s sudden information. is that why jeonghan hasn't replied to your text at all?

cheol suddenly felt like he just triggered a bomb. oh, he fucked up. as if on cue, his phone started ringing. mingyu was calling. "okay, i'm heading off, ynnie."

you just nodded and waved goodbye, feeling confused. it was a good thing that you won't be seeing wonwoo during the weekend otherwise you would've gone mad.

heaven's cloud café was buzzing with people when you came in.

you spent a lot of time debating if you had to improvise how you would spend your sunday morning. you would usually stop by the heaven's cloud café and spend a good chunk of your time there— reading or chatting with jeonghan and seungcheol.

however, knowing that wonwoo might stop by at the cafe, it left you questioning if you wanted to derail your usual sunday routine.

and yet, your pride got the best of you. no matter how much you didn't want to see wonwoo, you weren't going to derail your sunday routine especially if it involved coffee.

although the café was usually busy on the weekends, today was unusually busy— you wondered if there was a special promotion taking place. jeonghan hasn't even acknowledged your presence yet as han is busy manning the till while also preparing the drinks. cheol is probably in the kitchen, preparing food.

you settled on the last empty table at the very back— dropping off your things, deciding to order a bit later once the line from the till calms down.

while you were busy scrolling on your phone, someone placed a tall glass of iced americano and a slice of strawberry cake on your table.

"you should try this, it's a house favourite," someone with a deep voice said. you looked up and saw jeon wonwoo with slightly messy hair, wearing your favourite black specs and a white button-up, smiling at you. fuck, he looks good. is hell officially frozen?

"are you perhaps a twin of jeon wonwoo?" you asked, completely boggled.

"yn, what the hell?" wonwoo laughs at your incredulous take, making you even more confused. why is this wonwoo variant laughing and smiling at you? most of all, why are they bringing you food when you haven't even ordered?! "what made you say that?"

you reached out your hand and poked his cheek, making him laugh. "are you really wonwoo from sector17 press?"

"yn, seriously, what makes you think that it's not me?"

"why are you so smiley all of a sudden," you cried, weirded out. "and why are you serving me food?"

"my, do you like it when i give you a hard time?" wonwoo said, teasingly "is that a kink of yours?"

"you're fucking weird, jeon wonwoo," you smacked his arm. "i've never met the weekend version of wonwoo and i don't think i like it," you cried quietly to yourself.

"cute," wonwoo says quietly, still smiling at you. "i'll talk to you later, okay? i'm helping cheol and han for the day and i feel like they'll beat my ass if they see me slacking off." wonwoo gently ruffled your hair and walked away, leaving you flabbergasted.

you felt that familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach. oh god, what the fuck just happened?

the friday night that jeonghan found out that wonwoo used jeonghan’s good name to protect his image, was the same night that seungcheol bumped into you at the grocery store.

drinks were getting passed rather at a rapid speed. for them, this night was a gem among other nights. most of jeonghan’s friends were at his place, enjoying the night away.

“ya, wonwoo,” cheol suddenly calls wonwoo, who was barely drinking— as per cheol’s opinion. “i thought tonight was the night that you were going to get loose.”

wonwoo chuckled, “i’m pacing myself.”

jeonghan snorted. “cheol, you’re talking to the guy who still cannot admit his high school crush on our ynnie.”

this earned a couple of laughs from the group, mainly from mingyu and jun.

“yoon jeonghan, just because you’re in a happy relationship—” wonwoo threw a balled up napkin at him, obviously not knowing how to reply.

“oh, wons, that reminds me…” cheol started rubbing the back of his head “i told yn that it was you who gave her the food and not jeonghan.”

as soon as the words left cheol’s mouth, it’s as if wonwoo felt annoyingly sober. he downed the tall shot of bacardi that was supposed to be mingyu’s shot.

“i don’t get why you’re tiptoeing around your feelings for her,” mingyu pointed out, filling the shot glass again. “it’s not like there’s a company policy against dating your coworkers.”

“isn’t there?” joshua asked. wonwoo shook his head no. “lucky bastard.” shua muttered, taking mingyu’s shot.

“you guys, what’s the point of doing rounds when you’re taking the shots as you please?” mingyu whines.

“i thought you didn’t like yn?” jun asked wonwoo, taking a bite of the kimchi jeon. “or is that like a weird defence mechanism against your feelings?”

"oh please," mingyu rolled his eyes "wonwoo had a huge crush on yn ever since our uni days," he pointed out, prompting wonwoo to hit him.

"weren't you two in like a school publication together?" jeonghan asked, taking the shot from mingyu.

"oh, right! you had like a one-sided beef with yn," jun's eyes lit up briefly, then proceeded to smirk at wonwoo, "ya! is that how you show your affection?"

"obviously not," cheol grins "our wonwoo is the type to show his affection through actions, not words."

"what are the chances that they'd end up working under the same company though," joshua commented with a fond smile.

"and in the same department too," jeonghan added.

wonwoo groans, before taking a shot, "i hate all of you."

"you two have a deep history, have you two never talked?" joshua asked, now invested.

wonwoo shakes his head, "we only talk about work."

"if they talk about work," mingyu laughs, "all they do is argue."

"how do you know all of this, gyu?" cheol asked in disbelief, laughing, "you work at a different company."

"i work with seokmin," mingyu replied "and seok likes to tell stories about yn."

"ya, didn't we invite him tonight?" cheol suddenly remembers, looking at his phone to check his message thread with seok.

"he's probably with yn," wonwoo muttered before taking another shot. this gets attention from the rest of the group— a series of teasing smirks and playful looks being exchanged.

like a kid on christmas morning, a bright smile appears on mingyu's face. "won, are you perhaps jealous?" he teased, with the new-found information.

wonwoo scoffed but didn't answer the question. wonwoo swore he wasn't the jealous type. but for some reason, he can't get over the fact that his friend was closer to you.

wonwoo knew that there was nothing going on with you and seok.

however, seok was your person, wonwoo would always think. you felt happier around seok. if wonwoo didn't know any better, he would assume that you liked seok. maybe she does, wonwoo can't help but think.

"you know they're just friends, right?" mingyu reminded wonwoo.

wonwoo doesn't say anything. he was just waiting for his friends to butt into the conversation. wonwoo's eyes caught jeonghan's. jeonghan smiles, that mischievous smile of his, leaving wonwoo confused.

"won, do you wanna know who she likes?" jeonghan instigates, leaning forward.

wonwoo waits, does he really wanna know?

jeonghan smiles, then says "you."

wonwoo didn't believe in signs— for him, every little decision a person makes is pulled by the desired outcome. however, you were his only exception.

"if ynnie stops by at the café on sunday, will you finally talk to her like civilized beings?" jeonghan's words rang loudly in wonwoo's ear.

"i don't believe in signs," wonwoo states simply.

"and you can't make an exception for yn?" jeonghan knew how to play the game. he's just waiting for wonwoo to swallow his pride and address his suppressed feelings.

"maybe." wonwoo answers, making jeonghan smile mischievously. and so, it begins, jeonghan thinks.

it was ridiculous— waiting for something to happen when he could've just started a conversation with you. but it's so hard when it's you. god, it's so hard for wonwoo when it's you because you make him feel things that he thought were only exaggerated by films.

wonwoo didn't know if jeonghan's revelation about you was a lie, but he'd be lying if he said that it didn't affect him— because it did. it felt like he was back in high school and he's not sure if that's something he liked.

jeonghan and seungcheol were very much aware of your routine. every now and then, you would visit the café every sunday— even during the morning rush. they were most definitely aware of what's waiting for you and wonwoo.

the two owners had tasked wonwoo to help with serving the orders as more people flooded the café. "make yourself useful while you wait for your girlfriend!" was all jeonghan said as he handed wonwoo an apron.

and so when you entered the café, wonwoo gathered all his strength to talk to you casually, even if it sent him through an overdrive.

while you were walking towards the washroom, you bumped into jeonghan who was grinning at you. you knew that man long enough to know that he's hiding something when he's smiling like that.

"ya," you pulled jeonghan to the side. "what are you hiding?"

"what do you mean?" han answers, blinking at you innocently.

"why is wonwoo being nice and smiley," you asked him with a huff, crossing your arms. wonwoo being smiley was something you didn't know would affect you this bad. "he's being too cute for my liking," you muttered the latter part.

jeonghan laughs at your dilemma. "isn't that what you wanted?"

"what do you mean—" you were confused with jeonghan's comment until it dawned on you. you remembered the time you went out for drinks with jeonghan and seungkwan. "yoon jeonghan!" you slapped his arm, making him yelp but he was still laughing.

"what?" he looks at you, acting confused as he rubs his arm. "i'm being supportive here!"

"you promised me you wouldn't tell him," you pouted.

"oh please, he was jealous of seok, i had to throw him something."

"so you told wonwoo about the time i got drunk with you and professed my undying feelings for him instead?!"

"no," jeonghan replies. his eyes moved past yours, looking past your shoulders, and smiled. "but i think you already did." jeonghan says, patting your shoulder before he left.

wonwoo was sitting across from you with a smile on his face. you've never seen this man smile at you this much, it was starting to freak you out.

"don't look at me like that," you grumbled, glaring at wonwoo.

"i can't help it," he looks at you almost tenderly. "you look adorable even when you're sulking like that."

you felt the familiar sensation in your stomach. how can jeon wonwoo just say things like these to you? does he not care about your well-being?! how you'd feel?

"that was a long time ago, by the way," you said in defence— as if the damage hadn't been done. wonwoo waits for you to continue your sentence. "you know, me having a crush on you," you continued, your tone getting quieter after each word.

"i'm sorry, what was that?" wonwoo leans closer, as if he didn't hear what you just said. you knew he was just teasing you as you noticed that he was trying to fight off a smirk.

"i don't like you, jeon wonwoo," you whispered, prompting wonwoo to only focus on your lips.

"that's too bad because," wonwoo paused briefly and leaned even more, "i like you."

his face was dangerously close to yours— wonwoo didn't care if half of his body was practically hovering over the table. he wanted to lean closer to you.

you felt frozen in your place. a part of you wanted to lean back and smack him, but there's also a part of you that just wanted to grab his stupid face and kiss it.

"ya!" jeonghan suddenly appeared beside your table "if you two are going to make out in my café, can you move to cheol's office? i'm planning to keep this place family-friendly," jeonghan snickered.

maybe you should just kiss wonwoo and smack jeonghan instead.

hello hello friends! i wrote this while i was sick in bed & was high on buckley's flu meds, so this is v cheesy. i hope you are all well & healthy! ♡

904 notes · View notes

kissitbttr · 6 months ago

Note

So like what’s frat!miguel and the rest of the boys’ reactions to the Kendrick and Drake beef. Cause fuck Drake ofc.

FUCK DRAKE INDEEEEDDD🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

“oh god here we go” gloria sighs exasperatedly, throwing her head back while groaning as muñeca giggles,

“drake is fucking. cooked! yall seeing this shit right?!” carlos points his phone with a finger as he all but wide eyed,

“man i know! certified lover boy certified pedophile?? jesus he’s out for blood!”

“can’t disagree with the man. drake’s been weird since 2015. icky bro”

“remember when he tried to make a move on my girl riri?” carlos asks as if it truly what happened. “ticked him off the box”

“they did date, idiot” chang corrects, “and weren’t you the one who had his album needed to be played for every weekly party we have on?”

“i’m a changed man!” carlos exclaims. “he is sooo lucky he’s not making a move on my babe though—or imma need to beat his ass”

“who?”

“sza, chang! damn it bro, keep up!”

the boys all gathered in the living room, muttering bunch of ‘drake is a piece of shit’ and how ‘kendrick is the goat’ to each other,

“motherfucker really has another kid?? a daughter?! bro what the fuck!”

“man really took the cum and dump too literally”

“i don’t think anyone says that, mayback”

“didn’t he try to flirt with the kid from stranger things?”

a collective of ‘ews’ and gasps filling in the room as they all beginning to get intrigued. carlos even props himself on the stomach and legs kicking up in the air as he watches his frat brother explains the timeline,

it’s like watching girls gossiping at a sleepover

“i don’t see your man joining in” gloria nudges your side who’s munching away on your banana bread. “sucks because i’d love to see him act like a childish. grown up!” gloria speaks the two last words a bit louder so beck could hear,

yet the man only spares a quick glance at his girlfriend and sends a wink,

“jesus” her head shaking in disbelief. “I’m surprised o’hara is the one with a brain”

you disagree by putting a hand on hers, “don’t speak too soon. he’ll be here any second—“

“HAVE YOU ALL. HEARD. MEET THE GRAHAMS?”

a familiar booming voice coming from upstairs, and both of your eyes are quick to look up. seeing it’s miguel with a towel wrapped around his hips and hair wet with a large smile across his face.

you’ve never seen him look so cute.

“now” finishing off your previous sentence as your eyes refuse to leave his while giggling when he nearly trips down the stairs,

“children. all of them” gloria rolls her eyes, sipping on her drink as she glares at beck,

“oh come onnn, they’re happy” you try to change her mind but she simply just glares you too,

the boys cheer at miguel and wave at him to come huddle, wanting him to join all the hip hop gossip that’s been taking a toll on internet.

but not before he runs towards you first,

miguel basically sprints to you, grinning from ear to ear “hiiii mi amor” he squeals before stealing a kiss off your lips, hand gripping on the towel to secure his lower body,

a frown painted across your features. “are you not wearing an underwear or something?”

“i am” he says. “what, does it not look like i am?”

“kind of. i could see the print”

“shit my bad—guess it’s too big” he shrugs, saying it too casually that earns him a look of disapproval from you. one that says ‘i hope you’re not saying that shit in front of girls’ “kidding baby, kidding—hi gloria”

“put some clothes on dumbass”

“damn, i’m doing well, thanks for asking.”

“yeah yeah” she waves him off, not paying anymore attention to your man,

“you seem happy” a comment you drop soon as the grin on his face isn’t washing off,

“of course! drake is getting his ass dragged. who’s not happy?”

“just that?”

“just that” he confirms, grabbing an apple from the counter. “me and the boys were talking about it during class. apparently they all agreed with what i had in mind”

“oh? and that is?” you find this so amusing, you have to indulge,

“drake is a piece of shit!” he yells with a mouthful of an apple, earning another cheer from his brothers. “had his song on repeat during class, practice, work—kendrick’s insane”

“tell your man that he’s exaggerating. why is he participating on this damn beef” gloria mentions, “idiot”

“your man is in it too!” miguel defends,

“then you’re both idiots! he hasn’t shut up ever since euphoria dropped! can’t even suck his dick without him mumbling the lyrics non-stop”

miguel furrows, glancing at beck for a second before moving back to look at gloria. “okay that’s weird—you’re staying tonight, muñeca?”

head shaking, you almost feel bad at the deflated look on his face. “can’t baby—i’ll sleep over on a thursday, okay?”

“but whyyy” he whines, unbeknownst to gloria wincing in disgust before she moves away from the two of you. “you never say no”

“finals week, handsome” you move a piece of dampen hair that clings against his forehead. “i have to study and i’m tutoring too now, remember?”

“why can’t you study here then?” he moves closer to you. “in my room—together”

“miguel it’s for my english lit class, not sex ed” you roll your eyes. “you have me any other day, aren’t you bored?”

“blasphemy—again” he disagrees. “i get bored without you” a pout form on his lips in which you admit looking awfully cute that you almost cave in. “plus what am i supposed to hump? my pillow? i need sex! with you!”

you grimace. “you need a therapy, miggy”

#frat!miguel

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alittlebitofloveliness · 2 months ago

Note

Parry but thwh fell out aftee darry and him had a fight because he laughed at some kids, KID Greasers jumping, (he laugher out of awkwardness) and darry took it as a sign he though it was ok and processed it as a threat ti the gang ESPECIALLY Ponyboy.

They fought alot. It was scary because Both Soda and Pony where homd, and classes and plates got broke, shattered, and lots if door slammimg and threats where thrown at each other. Things where said to a point

darry cried.

Hm, ok, so this isn't EXACTLY this but I saw this ask and my brain was like minific! so...minific. Hope you like it!

***************

“I’m telling you man,” Paul is saying, “the giants have got it in the bag this year, have you seen their defense?”

“No way,” Darry shakes his head, “the Bears are consistent and they’ve got Wade as QB, no way they aren’t taking the superbowl.”

“Wade is fine but he’s not better than-”

He’s cut off by the door slamming open. Normally Darry would have half a mind to yell at whoever slammed it because mom always blamed him and Two for it when Steve and Pony were the biggest culprits, but any thoughts of teasing are forgotten as Steve sprints down the hall without even a hello, Soda right on his heels. Darry’s used to the gang bursting in at all hours of the day and night, it’s how their house works, but something about this feels off. His suspicions are confirmed when Steve hurtles back out again a second later holding the first aid kit.

“Whoa!” Darry grabs Soda’s shoulder before he can follow, pulling him to a stop, “what’s going’ on?”

“Joey Dubois got jumped,” Soda gasps out, chest heaving, “it’s pretty bad.”

“Aaron’s kid brother?” Darry’s heart drops, “But…but he’s ten!”

“Yeah,” Soda’s grim, “I know.”

“You need any help?”

“Nah. Pony’s sittin’ with him right now, and between Dally and Tim Shepard we got enough muscle keepin’ Aaron from doin’ something he’ll regret. ‘Sides,” Soda shoots a cold glare at Paul, “your buddy here shows his face and he’ll probably lose some teeth. Aaron’s gang is out for blood.”

He claps Darry on the shoulder and then he’s gone, jumping off the porch steps and running after Steve.

“Shit,” Darry sinks into a chair, previous conversation forgotten, and buries his head in his hands. Joey Dubois. He can see the kid in his head, a little guy with a mop of dark curls and a grin that spelled trouble. Him and Pony buddied it around sometimes, and Darry had always thought it was funny when his own kid brother would complain about having to put up with Joey always following him around. Lord knew Pony followed him and Johnny and Soda around the same way. The thought of the bright eyed kid being jumped nearly made Darry sick. He was hardly the first real little kid to ever be jumped in their neighbourhood, and wouldn’t be the last, but it didn’t make it any easier to stomach.

“So anyway,” Paul says, like Soda hadn’t just interrupted and told them about a literal child being jumped, “Wade isn’t as good a kicker as Tittle–”

“--Paul” Darry grits through clenched teeth, “I don’t want to talk about football right now.”

“What?” Paul scoffs a little, “why?”

“Did you not hear what Soda just said?”

“Some kid got jumped. So what? Happens all the time."

“He’s ten.”

“Dar,” Paul laughs a little, “it’s not a big deal. Yeah he’s ten but so what? He was probably asking for it.”

Darry's jaw tightens..

Usually, his friendship with Paul is easy. They get along better than Darry gets along with just about anyone, they have the same interests, share the same sense of humour and the same desperation to get out of Tulsa Oklahoma no matter what it takes. Sometimes their friendship is so easy that Darry forgets what Paul is, forgets where he comes from.

Paul Holden is a west side elite, as soc as it gets. And sometimes, like right now, he’s so fucking patronizing Darry could smack him.

Say what you want about him, but Darry Curtis is not stupid, nor is he naive. He’s seen things on the east side that Paul could only dream of, for all he pretends to be normal, comes to their house and bums around the east side like an actor in a movie, looks at Darry’s world, his friends and his family like they’re an intriguing thought experiment instead of Darry’s very real life. And people can think what they want about him but Darry Curtis is not ashamed of where he comes from. There’s a lot of shitty things about the east side, but there’s a lot of good people here too, and Paul doesn’t get to sit there in his letterman jacket with his madras shirt and act like Darry reacting to a ten year old kid getting jumped is some crazy, childish thing.

“You do realize,” he can hear his voice rising, “that my own baby brother is only twelve, right? And that the only difference between him and Joey is luck? I know you have no skin in this game so you don’t give a flying fuck about anything, but you could at least pretend to care.”

“C’mon, don’t be like that.”

“Like what?” Darry demands, “Like someone who cares about little kids getting hurt in my own fucking neighbourhood?”

“Like you’re a fucking greaser!” Pauls bursts out, and then suddenly it’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Darry recovers first.

“Get out.”

“Darry-”

“I said get out.”

“Darry I’m sorry I-”

“No,” Darry advances on him, trying so hard to control his temper he’s literally shaking, “no you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to come here, to my house, in my neighbourhood, meet all my friends and my family, and then look down on me for it like I’m some sort of trash.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Paul begs, “I-”

“Yes you did,” Darry cuts him off. He can feel hot tears welling, the way they always do when he’s so furious it’s hard to think, but he forces them back, “you meant it, and I’m fucking glad you did because guess what? I am a greaser, and I wear that title like a badge of honour ‘cause at least it means I ain’t nothin’ like you!”

“You didn’t seem to want that title when I gave you that shirt did you?” Paul spits back, moved to anger himself. Good. Darry can face Paul's anger a lot easier than his repentance. “Or when you started hanging out with me and the rest of the guys from the football team, or when Tammy Crenshaw asked you to Sadie Hawkins!”

“Whatever,” Darry sneers, “I thought you were better than this but once an asshole always an asshole, huh? I can’t believe I thought you changed. You’re the same shallow, entitled, socy asshole you were back in ninth grade.”

“Fuck you!”

“Get outta my house,” Darry shoves him, hard, “and don’t ever fucking come back. I never wanna see you again.”

“Go to hell!” Paul storms down the steps, “and hey, tell that kid brother of yours to watch his back. Since you apparently think I’m such a piece of shit, I might as well prove it.”

The words hang heavy in the air. For a second, Darry almost can’t understand them strung together like that, the threat almost ludicrous coming from someone he’d considered one of his best friends, the only guy from his circle of west side football buddies he’s ever allowed into his house, ever introduced his family to. For all they’re arguing in this second, for all Darry doesn’t know if he could ever forgive him for his words and his cavalier attitude, he’d never believe Paul capable of doing something like that, of hurting his brother.

But Paul just said it. And Paul Holden never says anything he doesn’t completely mean.

Darry sees red.

The next thing he knows the skin of his knuckles is splitting against Paul’s nose and he’s screaming louder than he can remember screaming in a long time.

“You touch either one of them and I’ll kill you! You hear me? I’ll fucking kill you!”

He doesn’t realize he’s got Paul by the collar of his shirt until he feels multiple pairs of hands yanking him back, someone else tearing Paul away from him.

“That’s enough,” Soda’s back. He shoves Paul, lighter than Darry had but enough that it’s clear he means it, “you better get outta here Holden. Looks like you’ve overstayed your welcome.”

Paul spits at his feet.

“You better watch your back Curtis.”

Soda’s eyes flash. He’s only fourteen but he’s grown half a foot this summer alone, and right now he looks nothing but tough, cold and fierce.

“Unlike you I’ve got six buddies to watch it for me, so I think you’d better watch your back pal.”

The hands holding Darry release him, Steve moving to flank Soda, Dally and Ponyboy on either side of him, all of them- even twelve year old Pony- just a little in front of Darry.

“Beat it Holden,” Steve tells Paul in that low, deadly voice he only uses when he’s real mad, the one that’s ten times scarier than any of his hollering, “if we have to ask again we won’t be so polite.”

Paul's last glare is cutting but he leaves, eyes like quicksilver as he turns away, and Darry finds himself hoping he’ll run into Aaron Dubois or his gang on his way back to the west side.

When he's out of sight Dally spits on the ground and lights a cigarette, eyes cold and dangerous.

“C’mon, Dar,” Soda claps him on the shoulder, his smile only a little dimmer than usual, “Johnny and Two went to go see if they could russell up a car for the drag race tonight, and you know mom won’t let Pony watch unless you come with us.”

Darry follows his friends- his real friends- down the street, ruffles his brothers’ hair, and quietly mourns a person he thought he knew.

None of the gang ask what happened, not even Ponyboy. Darry doesn’t tell them, and if he sniffles a bit on the walk to the old rodeo grounds where the race is taking place, well, at least he's quiet enough that no one could possibly notice.

#the outsiders #darry curtis #paul holden #sodapop curtis #ponyboy curtis #steve randle #dally winston #darry x paul #kinda #parry #peril

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niyahniyaa · 8 months ago

Text

Imperfect Love: If it isn’t you

* Seungcheol x Reader

* Tags: au, fluff, exes to friends to lovers?, angst, heartbreak, open ending

Taglist: @hi-cherrymatsu-chan @saranghaohoshi @brownsugarbaybee @belladaises @cherrycherryboom @sofix-hc7 @scuzmunkie @xmoonvibes @x-killerqueen

If you aren’t here that’s means I couldn’t find your name. I’m sorry.

•

(Habit playing)

“Cheollie”. He heard your voice before he opened his eyes. It’s a beautiful morning, he could tell by the rays of sun shining through the curtains. He looks over to meet your eyes. He could see sparkles in them, as if the galaxy resided there. “Good morning Jagiya”. He said cupping your face with a strong hand. You smiled at him softly and leaned in to kiss him. “I love you”. Seungcheol said after you pulled away.

He doesn’t know what prompted his boldness but he knew he had to tell you. “Cheol you don’t-” you’re cut short by his sudden shift in position. He sits up in order to fully face you. “I’m sorry if it seems so sudden, but I’ve loved you since I laid eyes on you.” He takes a deep breath, reeling in his nerves before continuing. “I know we’ve only been seeing each other for a month now but I wanna be with you.” He says, grabbing your hands to pull you up.

“I love you and…,” he hesitates, “I wa-, no I need you in my life.” He stares at you intensely hoping to get a shared response. “I love you too Seungcheol.” You say softly. It was true, you fell for him almost immediately. You loved the way he spoke to you. The way he looked at you. The way he treated you.

Every little thing he did with and for you never went unnoticed. You cheese at him basking in the love you felt for this man. He suddenly leans in to kiss you. It’s deep and passionate. Seungcheol hasn’t felt this way about someone before and he’s certain he’ll never feel that way for anyone else ever. “I’m all yours Cheol. It’ll always be you.”

He wipes his face awakening from his dream. Looking to his side, he falls into himself suddenly drawn to the realization of your absence. It’s been a year and a half since the breakup, and all he could think about was you. Why couldn’t he let you go? It was his fault his life collapsed on him. It was his fault he could no longer hold you in his arms. He shakes his head groaning in disappointment. Who was he kidding? The answer was simple. He still loved you.

He loved the way you cared for him. The way you talked to him. The way you lit up whenever he would walk into a room. He missed you and you would’ve been there with him if it wasn’t for his stupid fucking mistakes! He should’ve just been honest! Should’ve told you about the messages, about Nayeon coming onto him. He should’ve told you… everything.

(End of song)

——————————————————————————

“Coming!” He yells, getting up from the couch after hearing his doorbell ring. He hurriedly runs to the front door, unlocking and swinging it open. His jaw drops when he sees you standing in front of him. “Where the hell have you been?!” He snaps, eyes holding yours with a dark gaze. “Seokmin, I’m so sorry!” She sighs softly trying to lighten the already suffocating tension surrounding the two.

It’s Y/n. Seokmin hadn’t seen you in over two weeks. He had been your rock during your separation with Seungcheol and you were doing great after you moved out. However you disappeared like two weeks ago with no word to anyone. Even your parents hadn’t heard from you. “Come in, you’re not a stranger”. Dk points out with a shake of his head, as if he needed to remind you.

After you come in, Dk quickly throws his arms around you. He holds you tight, something he knew you needed. Something he secretly needed himself. He wanted to stay angry at you but the feeling dissipated as soon as he seen the worn down expression on your face, he knew you needed him right now.

Seokmin finally pulls away and gestures you towards the kitchen. “Want a drink?” He asks opening his wine fridge. There’s a lot to catch up on and Dk can’t wait to hear your explanation for the disappearing act you so graciously pulled.

He opens the bottle and pours you a glass. Pink Moscato, he knows it’s your favorite. “I missed you Seokminnie.” You say after taking your first sip. He shakes his head and starts to pour himself a glass. “I thought you forgot about me.” He says sipping from his drink. It’s been a while since you’ve spoken to each other. You never go without talking to him, but for some reason you cut communication with almost everyone for an entire two weeks. It was really blowing his mind.

Dk, being the understanding man that he is, gave you your space. He didn’t want to pester you and complain about your lack of communication. Though he does wish you would’ve answered the many calls he’d given you. “I didn’t forget about you Dokyeom,” you start, “my head was all over the place and I just needed time to myself.” You reassure him. He just nods and takes another sip of his drink.

He’s happy to see you, but thinking about the time that’s gone by without a call back, makes him upset. “I love you Y/N. I really do and you know that, but I really wish you would’ve at least let me know that you were ok.” He confesses, not looking at you. “I was really worried when you stopped answering my calls. I thought something happened.” Dk retorts, now running his hand through his ginger colored hair.

He knows he’s being a bit dramatic, but you never go without speaking to him. “You could’ve sent a text or email, hell even a letter. Something to let me know that you were alive and well, your parents were worried sick.” He finishes, pouring himself another glass. Not letting it slip how scared he also was for you. He finishes his drink in a single head toss.

Putting his glass down, he looks up to see you staring down at your glass. He’s studying you, trying to figure out what could be on your mind. Lots he would assume. You look tired, burnt out. He can see slight bags under your eyes like you haven’t been sleeping well lately. Your hair is also pushed up into a sloppy bun on the top of your head.

“I’m sorry Best”, you say, finally gathering a few words, “Our anniversary passed last month and he’s all I’ve been thinking about and then there’s been work and Cheol’s parents! I just-” you stop yourself with a shake of your head. “It’s no excuse, you’re right Minnie I should’ve called you, should’ve communicated more.”

He stares at you intensely. He knows you’re going through a lot right now, he could definitely relate. “I’m sorry, I know there’s a lot on your mind right now.” Dk remarks pulling you into another hug. You hold him tightly, letting a tear or two drop on his exposed shoulder. “I’ll do better with my communication, I just-“ your voice cracks, “I just need you right now.” You tell him, your voice noticeably shakey. He pulls away and wipes your now flowing tears. “I’m here.”

——————————————————————————

It’s Tuesday morning and Seungcheol feels as horrible as he felt every other day. He walks into his office with his head down and quickly lays across his couch. I shouldn’t have had that drink. He says to himself. He’s been drinking a lot since the breakup, even more since your anniversary recently passed. He can’t stop beating himself over the head. If only I would’ve gone home sooner. If only I didn’t drink so much. So many what ifs and no changes.

The thoughts spun in his head continuously. He hears a knock at his office door snapping him out of his stupor. Mingyu pops his head in after a second attempt without getting a response. “Hey Hyung, how you holding up this morning?” He asks walking in. He’s holding a glass of water and a few pills for Seungcheol’s head. It’s become a routine at this point. Seungcheol sits up and grabs the much needed medication from Mingyu, quickly tossing the pills back.

“I’ll be fine.” Seungcheol snaps as he stands up. Mingyu rolls his eyes and grabs his arm to help steady him up. “You’re lucky we’re friends Cheol, cause I would’ve knocked you on your ass.” Seungcheol sighs and runs his fingers through his now blonde hair. “I’m sorry Gyu,” he apologizes, “I didn’t sleep much last night.” Seungcheol runs his hands along his suit to straighten himself out. “What else is new.” Mingyu scoffs breathing in deeply. “You ready now?” He asks beckoning Seungcheol towards the door. “Yea let’s go.”

~~•~~

The meeting seems to be going well. The new group that debuted last year, Enhypen, are doing great in sales. “I think it’s time to plan a tour.” Seungcheol says from the head of the table. “The sales from your recent album has been great and we could all really benefit from an international tour.” He looks to the groups’s manager and slides a folder in his direction. “Read over the details and let me know if you’re fully prepared to begin preparations.

There’s a few side conversations and then a voice speaks up. “I think an International tour would be a great idea.” Seungcheol looks up at the voice, a frown already making its way onto his face. Nayeon is smiling widely at Cheol from her seat. He hasn’t spoken to her since the incident. She stills works under him as the VP of Marketing, and he would’ve fired her as soon as possible if she wasn’t so good at her job. Plus he hasn’t had much time to try and find a new VP.

“I’ve been seeing many fans of theirs all over social media and international fans are definitely longing for an appearance.” She states with a grin. Just that smile makes him furious. He just nods his head, taking in her info. “As VP,” she continues, “I have lots of fresh ideas to promote them more in the West.” She beams proudly. Suddenly she stands up and walks towards the head of the long table. As she reaches him, she hands Seungcheol a folded piece of paper.

He looks at her weirdly as he grabs the paper from her hands. Why couldn’t she just email it to me? He thought to himself. “Great, I think we’ve gone over pretty much everything correct?” He asks looking around the table. Everyone nods, while gathering their papers. “Awesome, thank you boys for your hard work so far,” he says bowing at the group, “and thank you to everyone else for your input, let’s keep up the good work.”

With that he starts for his office. Once he’s inside, he remembers the paper Nayeon recently gave him and opens it. “What the fuck.” He thought out loud. The paper is just some printed out picture of Nayeon. On the top is a small note, “I miss you Cheollie”, it read. He shook his head as he massaged his temple. What the fuck is the matter with this gir?.

“Something wrong?”

He looks up to see Nayeon almost right in front of him. When did she walk in? Her head is tilted and she’s gazing at him deeply. He rolls his eyes and looks past her. His office door is already closed shut. “What is your problem Nayeon?” He questions to her. She walks around to his side of the desk and rubs his shoulder.

“You’re a free man last time I checked,” she whispered by his ear. I hope it was worth it. He could hear you words on replay in his head. “Stay the fuck away from me Nayeon, I want nothing to do with you.” He snaps with a glare. Standing up, he walks towards his door and opens it slightly. “Jeez Cheol why do you play so hard to get?” She asks rolling her eyes, walking from behind his desk. “Stop calling me that!” She ignores him with a huff and continues. “I couldn’t have done all that work for nothing.” She sighs dramatically throwing herself onto his couch.

What? All what work? “What are you talking about?” He asks now walking back towards her. She scoffs and sits up. “Get real Seungcheol, you didn’t think you were that fucked up off of a little “mixed drink” do you?” She questioned him. He had three drinks that night. They were pretty strong last time he remembered. “I’ve seen you down cups of the strongest liquor and still come out fine.”

She’s right. Seungcheol has never been a lightweight when it came to drinking. It really does take a lot to get him drunk. “What did you do?” He asks stepping closer. She just grins slightly and crosses her arms. “I just slipped you a little something to speed up the process while your back was turned.” She confesses. “You should keep a better eye out for your drinks.” She giggles in a mocking tone.

His head is spinning. He knew those drinks were unusually strong, not to mention he could barely remember making his was to his office. Even Mingyu was alarmed by how quick he got drunk. “You fucking bitch!” He yells not even trying to hide his anger. “You better be fucking with me.” He threatens, grabbing her by the arm. “No one is gonna believe you Cheol, especially her.” She says through a chuckle. “It’s always gonna be my word against yours.”

*Cough*

They look up simultaneously to see Mingyu standing by the door. “Um, you have guests here to see you.” He says staring intensely at Nayeon. Seungcheol clears his throat before letting her go. “Yes of course thank you.” He says fixing his suit. Nayeon pushes her hair behind her hair and winks at him. “See you around Cheollie.” She says walking away.

Mingyu watches her walk past before turning his gaze back on him. “How much of that did you hear?” Cheol asks with a raised eyebrow. Mingyu shifts and sighs deeply giving his boss a pained look. “All of it, but we’ll get to that later. I was serious when I said there’s someone here to see you.”

Seungcheol shakes his head still in disbelief at the bomb Nayeon just dropped. “Who could be that important Gyu?!” He questions with a frustrated huff.

“Aww Coups, that isn’t any way to greet old friends now is it? I swear we taught you better than that.”

——————————————————————————

“Do you think she’s dead or actually sleeping?”

“I think if she was dead her chest wouldn’t be rising and falling. Use your brain dumbass!”

“You guys are so mean to me. I show nothing but love to you both!”

“If you guys really loved me, you would shut the hell up!” Y/N groans sitting up in bed. You’re greeted with three smiling faces staring back at you. Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Soonyoung stand next to the bed looking very much like creeps. “Oh my god!” You gasp finally realizing who was standing in front of you. “Oh my god! Seungkwan when did you get back?” Your voice cracks as you hop out of bed jumping into one of your closest friend’s arms.

He returns the hug happily, squeezing you just as tight. “Dokyeom called me of course. You haven’t been okay my love. The real question is why haven’t you called me yourself?” He pulls back from the hug wiping the fallen tears from your cheeks.

You really couldn’t believe he was here the four of you haven’t been together since college graduation and that was eons ago. You did try to meet up every couple of months but one of them were always busy and couldn’t make it, so seeing him again, seeing them together it truly moved you to tears.

“I’m so sorry Kwannie it’s been so much happening.” You sigh cupping his hands in yours.

“You think if we left for months on end she’ll greet us like that?” You roll your eyes with a chuckle turning to look at Hoshi. “I missed you too Soonie. How could I not?” You ask with open arms which he immediately reciprocates, pulling you into a tight hug.

You turn to look at DK who stands there like a proud dad. “I’ll accept thanks in the form of NEVER ignoring my calls again please and thank you.” He announces loudly. You shoot him a mocking smile while pulling away finally.

“Sooo, we going out tonight or what?” Soongyoung blurts out. We haven’t all been together like this in a long time, so going out doesn’t seem too bad actually. “Yea why not,” you retorted, “there’s this club that’s supposed to be really fun not too far from here.” You finish, grabbing your phone off the bed.

“It’s 6:30 right now,” you say looking down at the time, “I’m gonna take a shower and then we should be out the door by 8:30 at the latest.” You say throwing your phone back down. The guys instantly roll their eyes and huff loudly. “Jeez best, you don’t think you could take any longer?” Dk asks rubbing his fingers through his hair.

“Shut up Dk, you’re lucky it’s not longer.” You say grabbing his hand to pull him towards your room door. “Now go wait downstairs for me guys, I’ll be down soon.” You say ushering everyone else out. “Wear something sexy!” Seungkwan calls from the hallway. You shake your head and chuckle lowly. With that you head for the bathroom.

——————————————————————————

The club is actually more occupied than you thought it would be. It’s called Moonlight, and like its name, it is really beautiful inside. There’s various lights in small areas of the club and the moonlight seemed to shine right through the glass ceiling. “This place is such a vibe.” Hoshi says pulling his phone out.

“How about we grab a table before we’re trampled out here.” Seungkwan says pointing towards the various available tables. You shake your head and grab his arm, pulling him closer to you. “I booked us a section before we left so we’ll be more comfortable.” As many people as there are in here, it’s a good thing you called to book a section. “Smart,” is all he says before cupping his ears.

There’s people screaming loudly to the music right by you guys. You’d think someone was here performing as loud as it is. After what seemed like forever, you finally find the club’s manager amid all the chaos. You tell him your name and he ushers you towards your section. “Could we get three bottles of your strongest liquor please?” Dk asks sitting down.

You look at him sideways and shake your car keys. Not only do you need to drive home but you have an important meeting in the morning. The last thing you need is to be piss drunk at the end of the night. “Oh come on y/n, live a little”. Dk says standing up and walking towards you. He grabs your shoulders and levels with you. “Besides it was your idea to come here in the first place.” He grabs your keys from your hand and places them in his pocket. “I’ll be our chauffeur for the night.”

The man finally makes his way back to our section. He’s carrying a bottle of Bicardi with him and a few shot glasses. Dk quickly grabs the things from him and began to pour you a shot. “You worry about having a good time and letting loose.” He says, throwing one of his own back. You sigh deeply and take the shot right after him.

“Whatever you say best.” You retort sitting down.

——————————————————————————

It’s been about an hour now and you’re pretty tipsy at this point. “I think I’m gonna go to the bar and get some cherries.” You tell the rest of your group. You actually like cherries a lot now. Mostly since you’ve tried it once with Cheol. You can’t help but want some whenever you’re drinking nowadays. Plus they help ease your hangovers the next day.

Reaching the bar, there were generous amounts of people already there sipping on their own drinks. “Excuse me”. You yell slightly over the music and conversations. To no avail though, it’s like the bartender could hear nothing over the noise. You try yelling again but like previously, it didn’t work.

“HEY SHE NEEDS HELP HERE!” A voice yells from next to you. You turn to meet the chest of a tall man. He’s staring down at you with a full smile, his hair falls beautifully down his face and that’s when you realize who you’ve bumped into.

“Jeonghan!?” You exclaim loudly throwing your arms around him. He giggles and hugs you back tightly. It feels like you haven’t seen Jeonghan since college. He’s really close friends with Seungcheol, so you only saw him whenever he hung out with him. Still, it feels amazing seeing him now after these years.

*Ahem*. You turn to see the bartender standing impatiently on the other side of the bar. You pull away from Jeonghan and bow slightly apologizing to the man in the process. “I’m sorry sir,” you start, stepping closer so he could hear you. “I would really just like a small cup of as many Cherries as you can give me.” You say with pleading eyes. He stares at you in disbelief then finally sighs and walks off.

He returns quickly and hands you the cup gently. “On the house.” He says sizing you and licking his lips. “You’re hot, have a nice night”. He says walking back to the other end of the bar. You scrunch your eyebrows before turning your attention back to Jeonghan.

“How you been lately?” He immediately asks meeting eyes with you again. I’m sure he’s heard about the breakup. I would be surprised if he didn’t. You smile at him with eyebrows raised. “I’ve been alright actually. ” You lie, why did you lie? Denial maybe.

“Well I heard about the breakup, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” He admits pulling you into a hug. It was one of those much needed hugs. One of those reassuring hugs that had so much love inside. You needed it. “It’s alright hannie really. It’s in the past now.” He pulls away and fixes himself. He grins widely and leans in to fix a loc of your hair.

“So what brings you here?” He asks gesturing around the club. “I’m here with a few friends of mine actually,” you say gesturing at your section not too far from where you stand, “a celebratory reunion if you wanna name it.” He looks in the direction your facing and stands on his toes to find you friends.

“Oh I can see Dk from here, figured you guys were still friends.” He says waving to get his attention. Dk sees him and quickly returns the gesture. “Yea can’t even remember how many years it’s been for us now.” You admit. He turns back to you and grabs his cup that he’s been babysitting from the counter.

“What about you,” you start, “how you been?” He shrugs and smiles widely. “I’ve been great honestly, can’t complain.” He looks as if he wants to say more. “Josh and I got together a few months back.” He exclaims, cheesing boldly. Finally. As far as you’ve seen in the past, they’ve always flirted quietly. I don’t think they thought anyone noticed, but you definitely did.

“It’s about time!” You slightly shout. “I’m so happy for you guys.” You playfully shove him and he falters back grinning widely. He looks past you and then locks eyes with you again. “Well I better get going. I don’t wanna keep him waiting.” He hugs you tightly and gives you a small kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you around ok, it was so great to catch up to you again.” With that, he walks past you and disappears into the sea of people.

——————————————————————————

“You don’t think you should slow down?” Josh asks Seungcheol. He was at least on his 10th shot at this point. It’s not like it was something light either. Although he is known to hold his liquor very well, Josh was still really worried about him. “I’ll be fine Josh, do you know who your talking to?” He retorts a little sloppily.

“You will never believe who I ran into at the bar.” Jeonghan says excitedly, coming back with Joshua’s personal drink. Everyone looks up at him with wondering eyes. “Who?” Joshua asks taking a sip of his drink. Jeonghan drums a small drumroll on the table and smacks his hands together. “Y/n!” He exclaims smiling, showing all teeth.

Seungcheol’s head quickly shot up at almost an instant. “Did you say y/n? Where? Where’d she go?” He asks loudly all at once. He walks over and grabs Jeonghan by the shoulders and looks him in the eyes. “Where did she go?” He repeats. Jeonghan just points and fixes himself after Seungcheol lets him go.

“She said she was here with a couple friends”, he begins, “she said they were here for a little celebratory reunion.” He finishes and began pouring himself a drink. Seungcheol walks away from their section and looks around the club. There’s just so many people here, no way he could make you out within this madness.

He walks back to his section and stands atop a small step that peeked out by the booth. He looks both ways multiple times, but to no avail. Suddenly his heart picked up its pace. It was like he was seeing a ghost or something. Like the entire room stood still and there was no one else inside.

He sees you. It’s surreal almost. Like the entire world stopped spinning all at once. Your section just so happened to be near great lighting and he could make out you features easily. Your hair was black. Very black actually. Your silver jewelry complimented your skin so well. He could see that you were wearing that tight black dress that showed off your figure beautifully. He always loved how that looked on you.

You seemed happy. He could see you swaying lightly to the music and laughing with your friends. Should I speak to her? It’s been a while honestly and he didn’t know how you would react to his presence. Just then he saw someone approach you from the other side of your section. Some tall guy with dark hair. He watched as the Man sparked conversation trying to get your attention.

What was he telling you? He asked to himself. You don’t seem interested. Even Seungcheol could see that. Maybe it’s because he knows you. He’s studied you for years, of course he knows. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the guy finally walked away. He walked right past Cheol, bumping him roughly.

“Watch where you’re going Dick.” The guy yelled at him. Seungcheol looked back quickly at the man. Now that he was closer, he could easily tell the man was drunk. “Just keep moving guy, you bumped into me.” Seungcheol said trying to find you. You’ve disappeared since the man stole his attention. “How about you apologize asshole!” The man yelled sloppily.

Now he was annoyed. He can’t find you and it was this guy’s fault. “What the fuck is your problem dude!?” Seungcheol started, vividly frustrated. “Get the fuck out of my face before you really piss me off!” He finished, balling his hand into a fist.

“And what exactly is gonna happen huh, you gonna hit me? I wanna see you try!” The man tested. Seungcheol quickly stepped forward about to give the man what he asked for, but was stopped by someone grabbing his arm. “He’s not worth it Cheol, come one let’s get out of here.” Jeonghan said beckoning towards the door.

Seungcheol breathed in deeply and stepped backward. “Fuck you man, go get some help.” Seungcheol said to the man while walking away. The man just flipped him off and walked away, bumping into someone else and starting the whole dispute over again.

——————————————————————————

“I’m alright, I’m here with my boyfriend anyways.” You said to the man asking for your number. He smelled strongly like alcohol. Then, as if on cue, Dk shouts slightly to get the guy’s attention. “That’ll be me guy. Now if you don’t mind, we’d like to enjoy our night out.” He said calmly. It’s as if he’s practiced this exact conversation before. The man scoffed loudly and turned to walk away.

“Thank you best, I hate when that happens.” You say walking towards him. You stumble a little bit but Hoshi quickly catches you. “You ready to go now?” He asks, concern in his voice. “Yeah, yeah we can go.” You mumble. No way I’m already drunk, you thought to yourself. Hoshi then swings his arm through your own to help hold you up.

As you make your way through the crowd of people, you hear a familiar voice yelling almost over the music. “What the fuck is your problem dude!?” Is it-no it couldn’t be, what are the odds. You think again to yourself. You brush away the thought and continue making your way to the front door. As you step outside, you hear someone call your name. “Y/n?” You turn around and finally you see Joshua. He’s standing by a car, it’s his you assume.

“JOSH!” You yell out excitedly. You stumble to him and fall into his open arms. He giggles at your sudden actions. “Had too much to drink I see.” He says. “It was a HELL of a month.” You exclaimed, making an excuse for your multiple drinks. It has though, getting over Cheol seemed to be so much harder than you expected.

“I’m gonna get her home now”, Dk starts, cutting you from your thoughts, “she’s a bit much right now.” He says hoisting you over his strong shoulder. Joshua just laughs and nods his head. “Trust me I absolutely understand, it was great to see you again y/n,” he exclaims turning back towards the car. “Make sure you get some rest.” He says quickly before you disappeared from view.

——————————————————————————

“WAS THAT Y/N?!” Seungcheol asks running up to Joshua a few minutes later. Moments before making his way through the crowd and out the door, he could slightly see Joshua talking to someone. It looked like her, he’s sure it was her. “Yea she was pretty messed up so her friend took her home.” Seungcheol runs his hand through his hair and sighs deeply and loudly. How the fuck did I miss her again? He thought to himself. “Let’s go hothead.” Jeonghan calls to Seungcheol, snapping him from his thoughts. He rolls his eyes and gets inside the car. Fuck this day.

~~•~~

The next day, Seungcheol wakes up to a ring from his phone. He looks at the caller ID and sees that it’s Mingyu.

Mingyu- “Cheol I’m outside your place. Answer your door.”

Seungcheol- “I just want to be left alone today Gyu, I’m not in the mood for anything or anyone.”

Mingyu- “So you don’t want to talk about what happened at work last week. We’ve put it off long enough, I think it time we talked about it.”

Seungcheol- “Fuck I completely forgot about that crazy bitch. I’ll be down.”

Seungcheol quickly gets up and throws on a T-shirt. He didn’t have work today so he’s been pretty much lounging around all day. Reaching the front door finally, he opens it to a grinning Mingyu. He’s holding up a bag of food. “Stopped and grabbed your favorite Ramyun”, he started, “figured you’d like it on a day like this.” He walks in and heads right for the couch.

Seungcheol sits in the seat beside Mingyu and began opening his food. “So what exactly did I walk into the other day huh Cheol?” Mingyu questions. Seungcheol slurps some of his noodles and looks up at Mingyu. He grabs a napkin and cleans his face before speaking. “She came to my office to push up on me again. I honestly think there’s something mentally wrong with that girl.” Seungcheol exclaims. Mingyu nods his head in agreement.

“Then she openly admitted to drugging you that night.” Mingyu shakes his head and rubs his temple. Probably contemplating his next words. “So what now, are you gonna somehow talk to y/n, she deserves to know Cheol.” Mingyu remarks. Seungcheol sighs deeply and gets up. He walks into the kitchen and opens his liquor cabinet, grabbing one of his strongest bottles. Grabbing a glass, he throws his head back in frustration.

“She won’t talk to me Gyu.” He begans, finally pouring his drink. “I doubt she would even look my way.” He says drinking his whole glass in a single head toss. Mingyu just shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “You don’t know that bro, have you even tried to reach out to her?” Mingyu questions. She’ll for sure ignore me. It definitely looked like she was over me. It’s too late, I know it is. Seungcheol thought to himself. He didn’t even want to test that theory. He was too afraid of her rejection.

“Cheol, I think you need to get out of your head and test your luck,” Mingyu starts again. “You never know, she may miss you the same way you miss her.” He sighs deeply. It’s been so long. He misses everything about you. “How about you take a few baby steps.” Mingyu snaps Cheol from his thoughts. “You know where she works correct?” He didn’t. You transferred to a new office a few months after the break up.

“I tried that Gyu, she transferred.” He says, in a defeated tone. Mingyu sighs. He’s genuinely trying to help his friend. He hates seeing him this way. “We’ll figure this out Cheol. You guys’ll be back together and happy before you know it.”

God I hope so.

——————————————————————————

“I think that’s about it.” You say to the cashier behind the register. You were at the Market buying some groceries for your house. “Will you be using cash or card?” The cashier asked, peeking from behind the register. You show her your card just as your receive a call.

Unknown. Who’s calling from a blocked number? “Thank you.” You thank the cashier as your payment approves itself. As you finally make your way to your car, your hear it. “Y/n?” That voice again. You quickly turn around to see…Cheol? “Um hey Seungcheol.” You give him a slight smile as you shift on your feet.

“Hey, how you been?” He asks reluctantly. You shrug your shoulders and sigh deeply. “Better actually.” You were telling the truth this time. You’ve been trying not to think too much about him and it’s been working. “What about you, how’s work? You been taking care of yourself?” You ask him, tilting your head.

He reaches back and scratches his head. Shrugging his shoulders, he begins. “For the most part I guess, and work’s been work.” He sighs and grins at you slightly. It’s quiet. Awkwardly quiet. “Well it was nice catchi-“ You were suddenly cut off by his voice. “Could I possibly take you out to dinner or something? Just you know, we could catch up properly that way.”

Dinner? Your eyes find his and you finally get a good look at him. His face is so bare. His eyes were a little heavy, like he’d probably been crying recently. Those lips. His hair was blonde now and much longer. A few strands hung over his face. Has it been that long? God I miss him but does it have to be tonight? “It doesn’t have to be tonight, maybe this Friday?” He says suddenly cutting your thoughts short. How the fuck? “Yea sure, Friday.”

He grins widely, surprise danced on his face. “Great, um great that’s uh great.” He says nervously. You chuckle to yourself. Great, just as you were beginning to heal, you thought to yourself. “I guess I’ll see you Friday.” You say now grabbing your car keys from your purse. You unlock your doors and start to load up the few groceries you bought. “No way, I got it.” Seungcheol says taking the bags from your hands.

JUST GREAT. He closes your back doors and steps away. “So yea Friday. Yay!” He laughs awkwardly to himself and turns away. You smile slightly as you climb into your car. “See you then, drive safe.” He says just before you pull away. You wave to him and drive off.

——————————————————————————

“Yay? What the fuck was that?” Mingyu asks once Seungcheol reaches his car. “Jeez I know don’t remind me.” He says smacking himself in the forehead. He looks over at the now empty parking spot that your car previously occupied.

What are the odds they’d run into you. “I thought she moved to the other side of town.” Seungcheol raises an eyebrow. You did move so what made you come all the way to this market. “She probably had business on this side of town.” Seungcheol said shrugging his shoulders. He couldn’t help but become curious as well though. He just brushed the feeling away.

“She agreed to go out with me this Friday.” He says excitedly. Just then he remembered, “Shit I don’t have her new number.” Grabbing his phone from his pocket, he quickly unlocks it. He pulls up her old contact, and he’s sure she changed her number. He’s tried calling it multiple times in the past. “It’s green Gyu.” He flips his phone showing Mingyu.

“Well no shit Cheol. She has a new number, we just discussed this.” He says rolling his eyes. “She might be on Instagram again, you should check.” Mingyu suggests shaking his phone. Seungcheol opens Instagram and finds your profile. Sure enough, your account was active again.

Your profile was different though. What once was a picture of you and Seungcheol together is now a picture from your trip to New York. He scrolls down to your new posts. She’s beautiful. Wow. He thought to himself as he stare at a recent picture of you. As he scrolls further, his phone is slipped from his hands. “Here I’ll find her.” Mingyu retorts. He looks at the screen and then back at Seungcheol.

“Now give me my phone back ass.” He says snatching his phone from Mingyu’s hands. He feels a slight vibration as he’s grabbing it. Looking down, he sees that he accidentally liked your post. “DUDE WHAT THE FUCK?!” He yells smacking himself on the forehead. “This post is like three months old.” He says staring wide eyed at Mingyu.

“Shit sorry Cheol.” He says through a chuckle. “At least you found her though right.” Seungcheol just shakes his head and smiles lowly. “You’re unbelievable dude.”

——————————————————————————

“COME ON DUDE JUST THREE MORE!” Dk yelled. He was at the gym with one of his new friends. They met not too long ago here at the gym. “Shit bro, that’s the last time I do that after a hard workout.” The man says after jumping down. Dk walks to the small bench and grabs his water bottle.

“A bet is a bet bro, even The Kim Mingyu couldn’t make it through Seokmin’s Muscle Trial unwinded” he says smugly. Mingyu dabs at his neck with his towel. “So any plans for tomorrow?” Mingyu asks Dk as they head for their lockers. “Well I did have plans but my bestfriend rescheduled on me for her ex.” He says rolling his eyes. Mingyu nods his head taking in the info.

“Well you could come over for a few beers tomorrow if you want.” Like Dk, Mingyu was supposed to hang out with Seungcheol but he had that date with you. “Yea I’ll come over, you seem desperate,” he retorts through a chuckle. Mingyu just pushed him and then started to gather the rest of his things. “Whatever, I’ll see you then bro. Get home safely.” He yells to Dk as he heads out the locker room.

——————————————————————————

“Yea a dinner reservation for two, I called two days ahead.” Seungcheol says to the woman at the front desk. She nods her head without looking up at him. “Name please.” She says whilst typing frantically. “Seungcheol, Choi Seungcheol.” He shifts from foot to foot. “The lady looks up at the mention of his name and stares in awe.

“Oh yes Mr. Choi, I’m so sorry uh, right this way.” She says stepping out from behind the desk. She leads him past a huge dining room area and into a more secluded section of the restaurant. “Here you are.” She gestures to a chair for him to sit in.

“A waiter should be right with you soon, again I’m so sorry.” She apologizes before walking away.

A good 15 minutes goes by before he decides to call you. God I hope she didn’t flake on me. I definitely wouldn’t blame her though. Please don’t flake on me. He grabs his phone from his pocket and calls Mingyu.

Seungcheol- “Dude it’s been 15 minutes. What if she doesn’t show up?”

Mingyu- “Give her time Cheol, she just may be running late.”

As Mingyu spoke, he sees you. The woman from earlier is with you. For some reason though, he can’t move. To say you look amazing is an understatement, ethereal if he should name it. Your wavy hair was off to the side with a clip holding some hair up on your left side. You were wearing a long black dress with a slit that revealed your bare leg.

He sees you thank the woman and walk towards the table. “Uhhh I’ll call you back Gyu.” As you get closer he can see you’re wearing the anklet he got for you a couple years back. No way she still has it. Small hearts hung on different parts it. He saw you point it out at a store once and got it for you as a present. “Sorry to keeping you waiting.” You say as you get closer.

Seungcheol quickly stands up and pulls your chair out. “No it’s ok, I was a little early anyways.” You scoot your chair in as he takes his seat again. A waitress then walks towards your table with two menus.

After explaining the specials, the waitress pulls out a note pad. “Could I start you off with something to drink? Wine maybe?” Seungcheol looks up at you and instantly lock eyes. God she’s beautiful. “Uh two glasses of Chardonnay please.” He’s says not breaking eye contact. “Yes sir.” The woman nods a walks off.

——————————————————————————

“Oh my god I can’t believe you remember that.” Seungcheol laughed covering his mouth. It seemed to be going well with you guys. You’ve been enjoying yourself and Cheol looks rather happy. “It’s hard not to remember. How could you possibly mix shampoo up with Nair.” You chuckle while taking a sip of your drink. “Be thankful you caught on before you used too much. The laughter dies a little as you take in each other’s company.

You’re both quiet now, finishing your food. “I missed you y/n.” Seungcheol says breaking the silence. I miss you too, so much. You say to yourself. “I hate how things ended with us,” he continues, we both did things that were wrong but that doesn’t mean-“ his sentence was cut short.

Both?! What the fuck did I do? “Wait both? What did I do exactly?” You question staring at him deeply. How could he say that? He’s the one who cheated. “You pushed me away.” Is he serious? “Uh yea after you cheated on me with your coworker.” He sighed and turned his head away. “Fuck I’m sorry Y/n really. I wish I could take it back but I just can’t.”

He turns his head back to you and makes eye contact. You quickly look away. Tears are welling up in your eyes, why? Memories of your times together flood your mind. Fuck why couldn’t it just be the way it used to be. “Why didn’t you say something to me when it first started Cheol? Why didn’t you cut it short when it first started?” You blurt out loudly.

“We were happy Seungcheol. Everything was so perfect.” You wipe your eyes and brush your hair behind your ear. Get yourself together Y/n, it’s in the past. He reaches out and grabs your hand. “I hate myself for how I handled the whole situation. I should’ve said something earlier.” He had tears in his eyes. There was vivid remorse behind them but you just couldn’t shake your own feelings away.

“Hello, is there anything else I could get you tonight?” You didn’t even hear the waitress approach the table. “Uh no just the check.” Cheol exclaimed giving her a slight smile. “You ready to go?” You nod your and began to gather your things. After paying the bill, you both walk outside as the valet brings his car around.

It was a long and quiet ride back to your house. Once he pulls up, he puts the car in park and looks over at you. “I love you Y/n. I’ve never stopped loving you.” He reaches over and grabs your hand. You jump at his sudden action. It’s been so long since you’ve felt his touch.

“I’m sorry Seungcheol, I love you but not in that way anymore,” you began, “I just can’t forgive you for hurting me.” You pull your hand away and began to open the door. Just then Seungcheol reaches and grabs your arm. “Y/n please. I’m sorry.” You can see him welling up. “Please just let me explain.” I can’t watch this. “I’m sorry Cheol.” You quickly step out and run inside your house.

I’m so sorry.

——————————————————————————

“Dude that was like five tops, come on just five more.” Mingyu says to Dk. He breathes out deeply and pushes through the rest of the set. “Fuck Mingyu that was like twenty pounds over my normal weight.” He says after putting the bar back in its place. “Oh suck it up Dk, you made it didn’t you?” They grab their things and head towards the locker room.

Dk grabs the seat closest to his locker and opens his water for a drink. “I should’ve let that bar fall on top of you last month.” He says playfully rolling his eyes. Mingyu laughs and grabs his towel from his locker. “Yea whatever, you love having me as a friend.” Just then Mingyu gets a call on his phone. It’s Seungcheol.

Mingyu- “Hey bro, how you been holding up?”

Seungcheol- “I can’t take it bro. I’m lost without her.”

Mingyu- “You’ve been doing so much better Cheol, why relapse now?”

Seungcheol- “I can’t stop thinking about our date last week. I just feel like we were almost there. Could you just come over for a bit?”

Mingyu- “Alright Cheol, I’ll be there soon.”

Dk blinks rapidly and runs his fingers through his hair. Did he say Cheol, as in Seungcheol? What are the odds? “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to snoop but did you say Cheol?” Dk asks reluctantly. Mingyu nods his head. “Yea sorry about that. It was just my friend Seungcheol.” Dk chuckles slightly. “As in Choi Seungcheol?”

Mingyu ruffles his eyebrows and takes a seat next to him. “Do you know him or something?” Dk just shrugs and turns his body towards him. “Well if it’s the Seungcheol I’m thinking about, he used to date my bestfriend Y/n.” Mingyu raises his eyebrows and quickly nods his head.

“I know he’s your friend and all,” Dk began, “but he’s a piece of shit.” He says standing up to grab his bag. Mingyu sighs deeply. He doesn’t blame Dk for how he feels. “There’s something you should know, something you and Y/n should know.” Dk looks down at him and shrugs his shoulders. “Please continue.”

——————————————————————————

It’s been a little over a week now, why can’t I stop thinking about him. You shake your head and sit up in your bed. You loved him, more than words can explain. Why Cheol?

Just then you hear your doorbell ring. You look at the camera app on your phone and smile instantly at Dk’s face. He’s uncomfortably close to the lens. “I know you can see me Y/n, come open the door. You chuckle to yourself and run downstairs to open your door.

“I have Moscato.” He smiles brightly and shakes the bottle as he walks in. “You been alright best?” He asks grabbing two glasses from the cabinet. You sigh deeply and brush your hair behind your hair. “You ever wish you could go back in time and change some things about your life?” You ask him as he pours your drink.

“I think all my decisions have led me to where I am now, so to answer your question babe, no.” You sigh deeply and finish your drink in a head toss. “I can’t stop thinking about him Dokyeomie,” you start, “I loved him and he just threw it all away.” Dk sighs to himself and looks away. He’s contemplating over whether he should tell you this or not.

“Best I have to tell you something.” He grabs your hand and pulls you towards the living room. “Sit here, and drink this.” He refills your glass and sits back. “You’re scaring me Dk, what’s wrong?” You question as you take a sip. He takes a deep breathe and grabs your hand.

“He never wanted to hurt your feelings,” he continues after a short pause, “it wasn’t his fault.” You’re taken aback by his words. You quickly snatch away and stand up. “Why are you defending him Seokmin, I’m your best friend not him. HE CHEATED ON ME.” You yell through welling tears. How could he sit here and defend him to you.

“Y/n please just listen to me.” He begs, gesturing for you to sit back down. “NO, after all I’ve been through emotionally, are you really gonna sit here in my face and defend his actions, are you serious right now? HOW COULD-“ Your words were cut short. “HE WAS DRUGGED Y/N!”

There was a long silence.

What the fuck. What? How? “W-What? How do you know? Who told you that?” You sit down and take a deep breath. “Remember that guy I told you about last month? Well that Gyu, is Mingyu, Seungcheol’s best friend and secretary.” You stare at him blankly. There’s no words. “He overheard Seungcheol and that chick Nayeon having a conversation a while ago. She admitted to drugging him that night. She set him up Y/n, it wasn’t his fault.”

I hate you. Fuck you Seungcheol. I hope it was worth it. Your past words create a heart wrenching ache in your chest. Drugged? “Oh Dk what did I do?” You hate yourself. You blamed him for so long. “I told him I hated him Dk, I fucking hit him. What kind of a bitch am I?” Dk grabs your arm and pulls you into a hug just as tears began to pour down your face.

You can’t help but feel a sense of guilt. Why didn’t I just listen to my gut. He would’ve never intentionally hurt me like that. “You know you could call him Y/n, it’s never too late.” Dk says cutting you from your thoughts. He hates me. I would hate me. He would never take me back. Not after I turned him down and ran out on him last week.

“I can’t do that Dk. I’ve hurt him. Multiple times.” You cry loudly into his shoulder. What am I gonna do?

——————————————————————————

It’s been two weeks since your date. “I love you Cheollie, I can’t wait to see you again.” Seungcheol lays on the bed and listens to an old message you’ve sent him a couple years back.“I love you Cheollie, I can’t-.” The message repeats again but is cut short by his battery alert. He leans forward but bumps the table dropping his phone.

His hand then accidentally clicks the trash can symbol at the bottom of the screen.

“Fuck what did I do?” He says trying to restore the recording. “FUCK!” He tosses his phone across the room. It’s always gonna be my word against yours. No one is gonna believe you Cheol. Her words played like a broken record in his head. He hated her. He hated her for coming between the two of you. Most of all he hated himself for ever being nice to her.

He looks over at his now empty liquor cabinet. He quit drinking recently, for you. He wanted to get better for you. Now there’s no point. You aren’t here and you won’t be coming back. *Sigh*. He grabs his jacket and keys and head for the door. He can hear the pounding rain from outside the door but he doesn’t care right now. He unlocks the door and swings it open with his head down.

Fuck it I need drink. I have to stop thinking about- “You?”

“Hi Cheol.”

————————————————————————————

<A/N> Let me know what y’all think about it please and thank you. I know it’s long over do but this is just a little something for now.

#choi seungcheol #scoups #carat #alternate universe #seventeen #scoups x reader #seventeen x reader #seventeen au #svt #svt fanfic #fanfic #kpop fanfic

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crystlizabeth · 1 year ago

Note

WE NEED A PART 2 AMD 3 OF WHAT HAPPENS IN MEXICO

Kyle and Soap fight it out ft the gang

Soap actually shows up to thanksgiving and the Garrick's love him and ask him to stay for the night the whole hospitality thing (she and soap fuck in her childhood bedroom)

AHHHHHHH so cute

Happy Family ‧₊˚.

Johnny ‘Soap’ McTavish x Garrick!blkfem!reader

Summary: After the events in Mexico, Johnny finds himself going against is friends wishes to talk to his little sister and finds himself attending thanksgiving with the Garrick’s..

Warnings: cursing, smut, little age gap 6ish years apart, chaotic family stuff, Kyle hating on Johnny and his sister(sibling love!!)

A/n: So I figured out Thanksgiving is not celebrated in the UK makes sense, so I'm making the Garrick family British American(Kyle and the reader's dad is American) the accent just lingers. Didn’t really think about it but reader also studies abroad.

“Are you fucking kidding me!” Kyle yelled pushing Johnny back him hitting the wall.

“What are you on? I didn’t know she was your sister yeah?” Johnny scoffed.

Kyle had been at Johnny’s throat since he had gotten back from dropping his sister off at the hotel she was staying at, price had made an attempt to pull Kyle off of him but he was only pushed away.

“You're a piece of Shit John don't fucking touch my sister, alright. She's not just of of your hookups don't even think about going near her.” Kyle spoke his finger pressed on Johnny’s chest.

“Watch yer fuckin’ mouth,” Johnny warned glaring at Gaz.

“What because I'm saying the truth? You're a bastard that ruins things he touches, you are a piece of shit, John. Stay the fuck away-”

Before Kyle could finish Johnny had punched Kyle falling back, instead of sitting there Kyle came right back at him. Ghost went to step in but Price held his hand up.

“Wait. Let them get at it for a minute.” price said.

They let them beat on each other then blood started to spill ghost grabbed Johnny and Price pulling Kyle off of him.

“Listen ya son of a bitch,” Kyle started.

“Alright Kyle keep it down.” price said pulling him away from Johnny.

That was the last time Kyle and Johnny had an actual conversation.

Johnny even talked to her out of spite at first but eventually actually started to like her, started to love her. Maybe too soon to tell but he was head over heels for her. Now for the past months, Johnny had been spending his time with her.

God, he felt as if he knew everything about her, how to touch her those soft sweet gasps that escaped from her lips as he touched her. This didn't make him a good friend that's for sure dating Kyles's little sister and he knew it.

Now he sat on the couch of his apartment watching as she was talking on the phone he didn't know who but he listened to her chat. Her back faced him, and not having any pants on the shirt she wore was his ‘Mctavish’ in dark lettering, he tilted his head to get a look at her ass that hung out at the bottom of the shirt. Green looked good on her dark complexion, but she would look even better bent over that countertop.

Soap pushed himself of the couch just as she was hanging up the phone. Johnny let his arms wrap around her waist his face pushing her curls aside his check touching hers. He felt her back in to him a bit “who was that bonnie?” he asked.

“My mum..” she hummed her hands coming up grabbing his biceps he nails lightly digging into them.

“Yeah, what she callin’ fo’..”

“School, checking on me.. She wants me to bring you to thanksgiving..” she spoke.

“American Holiday?” Johnny questioned.

“My dad’s American though me and Kyle grew up here my parents moved back to America after we both graduated being closer with family ya know.” She answered turning her body leaning back on the counter.

Johnny nodded “That means I have to meet your family and see.”

“Kyle, yeah he’ll just have to deal with it.” She smiled her hands coming ups to Johnny’s face her fingers running across his stubble.

“I reckon he will..” Johnny chuckled his lips meeting her two tones ones the taste of her Shea butter chapstick lingered on his lips.

Yeah needless to say when Kyle watched you and Johnny walk through the door his smile faded being replaced with a glare. The silence between her and her brother went unnoticed by their family. For a short while anyway.

Johnny got to meet everyone mostly everyone, pretty much all of her fathers side and few of her mother's. Kyle practically ignored Johnny’s existence, until asked about him.

“He was alright before he got in my sisters pants.” The comment earning a smack from your mother.

He got along well with her father as they talked to her dad he for sure scared the hell out of him. He was a big guy reminded him of Simon a bit taller, tattoos covered his dark-toned arms. He was scary that’s for sure but all around a sweet guy once you got to know him, her father made sure to let Johnny know if her broke his daughter’s heart he’d be dealt with. And her mother was a sweetheart tall herself maybe 5’8 her curls pulled back in a claw clip grays could be seen from her roots. They continued the conversation her uncles and mother joining in only to be interrupted by Kyle bickering with his sister.

“I will beat the shit out of you Kyle- leave him alone,” she spoke glaring at your brother.

“Please he needed to be beat in yeah?” Kyle spoke.

“You bullying my boyfriend is not breaking him in to the family.” She scoffed.

Johnny looked over his eyes coming back to her mothers only for her to shake her head saying let them at it for a second it gets interesting. And it did the two siblings going at it, her comments destroying each other until he went silent and started to walk away.

“Yeah walk away, nothin to say huh- bitch.” She scoffed Kyle turning around flipping her off before going down the hall.

“Gagged” Her aunt said moving her Bob behind her ear laughing.

She groaned “someone had to—he need to get laid so he can HOP OF MY BOYFRIEND.” She yelled the last part down the hall making sure her brother heard.

The Garricks were something else but it was enjoyable similar to Johnny’s family but a bit more chaotic. They love Johnny your aunties making his plate befor you could making sure he was fed and fed well. Table conversation went around school and other drama, your family had a colorful use of language that’s for sure.

“Ya know, Johnny baby. Have you seen her room yet?” Her mother asked.

She shook her head “no he has not. And he won’t.”

“Aren’t you staying with us?” Her father asked.

“Didn’t plan on it we have a hotel we can check into after we leave.” She spoke.

“Yeah no, I’ll show you where to take bags Johnny.” Her father spoke smiling at Johnny his melanin cheeks puffing up as he smiled.

He nodded looking over at her, his hand gripping her thigh teasingly. “What Bonnie? What’s yer room look like lass?” He asked his tone cheeky.

“It’s embarrassing because I went in it earlier I know my mother went in it and pulled some things out.”

“Yeah all of her stuff animals.” Kyle laughed.

She let out a groan, “How many we talkin?”

“To many it’s a problem.” She admitted.

Johnny only laughed light-heartedly patting his girlfriend's thigh before letting it come back up to the table to eat.

As conversation went on Johnny felt her hand go down to his thigh, her nails dragging on the inside of his thigh. He gave he a grin displayed on her glossy lips as he felt her hand go up higher her finger gliding against his clothed cock.

He shutters lightly his left hand grabbing her wrist. “What's wrong?” She asked innocently her brows frowned.

“Nothing…” he spoke his tone warning her.

She tilted her head her tight curls moving down to the side. Her long lashes batting at him as her dark eyes met his light ones. She leaned in her breath hitting his ear as she whispered “Let’s take it to the bathroom yeah?”

He moved away from her glaring at her but a smile on his lips. She was filthy.

“Are you planning on staying with her I would expect so.” Her mom spoke catching Johnny's attention.

“Yeah-”

“No.”

Kyle spoke over Johnny.

Their mother shot a glare at Kyle, him saying sorry quietly but his gaze stabbed Johnny in the side of the head.

Soon dinner ended everyone starting to pick up, Johnny helping his girlfriend with the dishes the two talking. Kyle watched and he hated it, he didn’t hate that his sister was dating someone it was the fact to who she was dating. He hated that fact the he took such good care of her too, “you keep staring at them your sister will give ya shit love.” His mother said her head resting on the arm as she watched them as well.

Johnny flicked water into her face earning a heartfelt laugh as well as a smack to his arm. “You realized he's 26 right mum?” Kyle said.

“Could be worse,” she laughed lightly squeezing his arm. Kyle only shook his head groaning.

It had finally gotten late everyone leaving leaving the five of them, Johnny hand brought their bags in.

“Okay you can't judge me alright,” she spoke standing in front of her door not letting johnny in yet.

“ ‘mon lass ain't gonna judge you.” he chuckled lightly at the girl.

She pressed her dark lips together nodding before opening the door. The room was dimly lit with Christmas lights, her walls covered in posters big and small, and her bed covered with stuffed animals. One thing he could tell it was very pink. His lips curved into a smile seeing the childish room, his head turned to hers, her hands covered the bottom half of her face.

“When did ya move out?” he spoke putting the bags down.

“A year ago..” she muttered.

Johnny moved to stand in front of her his calloused hand touching her face and lifting her chin up “What's wrong Lassie? It's very you n I love it.” he smiled his lips meeting hers.

“But I do have to say, that stunt you pulled at dinner,” he spoke his one hand grabbing her face.

Her lips pulled up into a grin “I don't know whatcha mean Johnny.” she hummed her hands trailing up his chest.

He pushed the door closed as he pushed her against it her hand moving to lock it. “You know exactly what I mean..”

She shook her head “You might have to remind me, baby..”

He hummed his hand reaching to the back of her head and grabbing a hand of hair pulling her head back a soft moan escaping her lips. His hand grazed over his belt before letting her fingers slide down his clothed cock.

He bent down kissing her neck right in the area that made her squirm, his free hand sliding up the bottom of her shirt pulling her tit out of her bra. Johnny let his thumb run over her hard nip meeting the warm metal of her piercing. Something about him playing with her nubs got her worked up so quickly, his knee lifting up and pressing against her core the dress she wore bunching up. Coming up to kiss her lips it became messy quickly her pawing at his shirt and pulling him closer as she ground herself on his thigh.

“Please Johnny..” she whimpered.

“Yeah bonnie? How bad ya want me eh?” he spoke hitting her bottom lip.

So she did, the begging leaving her pretty lips as he kissed her pressing his thigh harder to her core as she rubbed herself against him. Her whiney tone made him harder as he held himself back just wanting to know how desperate she was.

“Fuck- please Johnny, stuff me. Stuff me full,” she pleaded.

That was his tipping point grabbing her and lifting her up the feeling of her legs wrapping around him as they both fell onto the bed. Johnny lifted himself up unbuttoning his dress shirt, throwing it to the side the pulling of his undershirt quickly. He went back to her his hands grabbed the hem of her dress sliding it up and pulling it off her in one motion. Her bra was discarded earlier the both were topless.

Johnny leaned down his skin touching hers, the skin-to-skin practically making him moan. Her hands placed on his shoulders her nails digging into them as the made out his groin grinding against her.

“Yer so fouking wet f’er me love.” he groaned his fingers touching the outside of her soaked panties.

“It's all for you,” she whispered the feeling of him pushing her panties to the side feeling her wet folds.

He discarded his boxers, soon letting his finger lop around the sides of her panties pulling them of and watching her stick arousal make a string.

He laughed loudly “Yeah~ love ya want me that bad.” he spoke looking down at her seeing her nod.

“Open up f’er me.” he said tapping her thighs soon placing himself in between her.

He slid his cock against her folds his meaty tip soon sinking into her, he hand quickly slapping over her mouth keeping her quiet.

She pulsed around him as he sat there slowly working himself into her. “F’ckin made for me.” he whimper.

Sitting up he picked her hips up putting her in an arch his thrust becoming faster. She looked good like this his cock going in and out of her needy cunt, it drooling all over him. “Yes— oh fuck..” she cried out johnnys harsh thrust not changing pace.

Changing position his arms cuffed under hers cradling her head her legs thrown over his broad shoulders. “Common— atta girl fockin’ take it.” he groaned his head falling into her shoulder as he pumped in and out of her at a brutal pace.

“Johnny—” she cried out her nails dragging down his back as if she's trying to hold on.

She could feel every inch of him his balls slapping against her. Continuing to keep herself quiet as he fucked her relentlessly, she began to babble to Johnny telling him how good he made her feel. Soon Her walls squeeze around him “Ya good cum f’me, lass, common baby cum for me.” he encourage, feeling his balls get tight.

“I want you to cum in me..” she begged her words slurred.

Leaning up a bit enough to see her face he saw tears in the corner of her dark eyes, “want me to fill your cunt up, Lassie? You want my thick nut huh?” his words filthy his hand grabbing her throat applying pressure.

“Yes- God yes please fill me up with your nun!” she cried.

She was asking so nicely and with that pretty face how could he say no?

With a few more thrusts his balls drained into her, her body becoming slightly stiff as a shaky moan escaped her mouth as she came on his cock him pushing on her stomach as she did. Johnny lifted himself now slowly pumping in her his cum spilling out he watched with a pleased grin.

Pulling out he watched the cum leak out of her puffy cunt. “Steemin’ Jesus Bonnie, you look so good with my cum dripping out that beautiful cunt.” he spoke leaning down kissing her his hand slaponv her cunt.

“Hey!-”

He let out a cheeky laugh. “Johnny that hurt” she whined.

After cleaning himself up and making sure she peed he came back into the room with a warm wet rag letting in drag down her cunt cleaning it up, them her legs his lips leaving soft kisses on her back as he took care of her fragile body.

“You take such good care of me baby,” she mumbled.

“Oh love this is my job, especially after making a mess of you,” he spoke gently his hands needing at her thighs and kissing them as he did so.

He loved this part maybe not as much as bullying the shot out of her pussy. But he loved taking care of her after whipping her down and massaging her sore body.

“Tierd lass?” he asked.

“Mmhm..”

He hummed going over to her bag and grabbing a pair of panties and one of his shirts “sit of f’r me.” he whispered.

He sat behind her moving her legs up and putting her underwear on then pulling the t-shirt over her head. “Wanna wrap your hair?” he spoke lifting up her bonnet.

She nodded handing him a scrunchie, he gathered her hair up looping the scrunchie around her hair once then placed the bonnet on her head “There we go love..” he kissed the side of her face.

“Thank you, baby,” she said moving the side so she could lay next to him her head falling onto his chest once he did lay down.

The two soon one fell asleep maybe not as aware of how loud the were Kyle who was across the hall heard more than he would have liked his headphones saving him.

Heres this! As promised! I hope you like it and happy almost Thanksgiving!!

#x black reader #black fem reader #johnny mctavish x reader #johnny soap mctavish x reader #johnny soap mactavish #johnny mactavish #john mctavish #johnny soap mctavish x black reader #soap x black reader #soap x reader #soap call of duty #soap cod #soap mw2 #john soap mactavish #soap mctavish

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chl-owo-e · 2 years ago

Text

{Shedding blood}

S9, EP24 Criminal Minds Spencer :(

(Hurt Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader)

Summary; After hearing from Derek Morgan that Spencer got shot, you dropped everything at the police case and ran to the hospital. Nothing in the world could prepare the hurt you would feel in the next couple of days.

Warnings; Angst, Spencer gets shot, blood, mentions of death, crying, fluff (thought abt actually killing spence in this and crushing everyones hearts 😻)

———————————————————————

—You were still at the Police station whilst Spencer and Kate went to the scene where the Police officer found stayed at with the suspect in the building. The place was busy, Hotch running around with JJ at his side and Derek right behind her.

That was half an hour ago though, now the place was sorta calm. Still, people were roaming about handing papers to people and communicating with each other. It was quiet till your phone rang, Dereks name popped up. Answering you could hear some yelling and beeping in the background of the phone. Morgans voice came out hoarse and upset when he spoke, you soon found out why.

“Spencers been shot on his neck. You need to arrive at the hospital a.s.a.p.”

Your heart stopped in your chest. Whatever files you were holding in your hands were now scattered on the floor. You knew this day was coming, you knew he was going to get hurt at some point, you just didn’t want it to be today. Some of the officers were looking at you confused. Dereks voice was still apparent on the phone, but you couldn’t hear to him. It was like the whole world was spinning, and all the sound that it once had was gone and replaced with loud ringing.

Y/n?

Y/nn?

Y/n!

“Yes?” Your voice came put shaky while tears were threatening to leave your waterline. “Spencer needs you right now, don’t worry Y/n he’ll be fine. Hes too smart to die on us, especially on you.” Morgan said before he hung up, next he texted you with the directions to the hospital.

You basically sprinted to one of the black cars that the BAU has left. Nothing but worry was roaming through your head. Was he gunna die? Will having coffee with him that morning be the only time you saw him alive? Would the last fact he had told would be about the killer that the two were working on? He wouldn’t leave you, would he?

Before you knew it you were already at the hospital driving right to the emergency entrance. Your body took over, the muscles in your legs flexed and moved your body straight to check in area. There were many things going on, nurses and doctors running about and patients being pushed throughout the halls. Everything was loud, the talking, the background beeping from monitors. Your breathing became erratic, you looked around with urgency it wasn’t till you heard your name being called out faintly.

Then everything was silent, the ringing in your ears got louder and your body couldn’t help but get warmer. “Y/n!” Heavy hands lay on your shoulders, it was Morgan. One look at him everything seemed to go away, everything except your questions. “Where’s Spencer?” Your voice came out in a mere whisper. Tears were already decorating your cheeks, you just wanted to see him, to see Spencer safe.

“Hes getting surgery for the bullet wound, hes ok.” Morgans voice was firm and confident. “Its Spencer Y/n, Hes a tough kid, hes not gunna let a bullet take him out.” Morgan continues to console you out of your worried state. He moves you towards the waiting room. The area was silent, besides the sniffles that come out of you. Derek had made his stay right next to you in the waiting room.

Nothing could compare to the way you feel right now. You didn’t want to ask Morgan for any details, for a matter of fact you didn’t ask him for anything. You felt stupid for letting him go out there by himself without you to keep watch for him. You felt upset, just pure hatred for yourself.

The thoughts that had conjured in your head had soon turned off from one of the surgeons walking into the room. You shot up from your seat and awaited for an answer. “Reid? Hes stable, you can visit him now but hes still asleep. He might be loopy from the medication, so no hard questions. Hes in room 119.” The surgeon gives you a small smile and walks away to the nurses corner. The great relief you felt was immense and something you never knew you desired till now.

Your legs grew a mind of its own and led you straight to his room. Your hand steadily reaches for the metal handle to the wooden door. Part of you was terrified, scared for the worse that could possibly happen. You take a deep breath and swing the door open. Feint monitor beeps filled your ears. The look of Spencer laying in bed with his face pale. It was like your heart shattered all over again.

Tears weld in your eyes again as you swept your feet and made your way beside him. You brought a chair to his side and held his hand, it was cold like it always would be. You bring both your hands and wrap around his hands, you warmed them up. It wasn’t long till you heard a groan next to you, he had shifted in the bed and tightened his hold on your hand.

A smile drifted onto your face and you had giggled, Spencers eyes had slowly opened and gotten used to the lighting in the room. His orbs landed right onto your figure seconds later. A small smile landed on his face, and he groans again. “I love you so much, please don’t ever do that do me ever again.” You cried to him. You gently gripped his cheeks and planted a soft kiss to his fore head.

———————————————————————

A/N; After having this in my drafts for weeks, I finally finish it!

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid 📚👓#spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid angst

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noxexistant · 2 years ago

Note

Jack muttering" take me instead your not touching him."

Specs pulling splasher away to gently soothe him. And jack desperately yelling no scrambling in their direction.

Blink and skittery holding him. "Shhh Jackie we gotcha. Yer allright now. We aint gonna letcha go there again."

Jack not recognizing them crying silentky thinking he failed and his friends hearts breaking just holding him till he falls into a fitful sleep and eventually they do too though not before looking at each other desperately for way too long wondering what they can do

(based on this)

Jack’s pulled from sleep by a little hand shaking his shoulder. It’s gentle and tentative, accompanied by the sniffling of a kid about to burst into tears - and suddenly Jack is wide awake.

“Shh,” he hisses immediately, a knee-jerk reaction, as he hauls himself upright in his bunk and then over the side, bare feet hitting the floor silently but hard enough to make his shins sing. He always sleeps in a top bunk if there’s one going, there ain’t as many rats that can get up there, but that means if there’s a kid shaking him they must be stood on the lower bunk, which means they might wake those kids up, which means more noise and more trouble.

Sure enough, the kid - Splasher, Splasher - has his bare feet planted on the bunk below Jack, a mattress occupied by a sleeping body. He’s got one hand gripping Jack’s bunk to keep balance while the other - the one he’d used to wake Jack up - is wiping clumsily at the tears streaming down his face.

“Jack,” he whines.

“S’okay,” Jack whispers, scooping Splasher up under the arms and lifting him down to the ground, glancing cautiously to see if the body in the bunk is stirring but panicking too hard to really look. He then crouches in front of the kid, still holding him by either side of his ribs to keep him close and still. “S’okay. Alright? Calm down. You gotta calm down. You gotta be quiet.”

Splasher hiccups. It’s deafeningly loud to Jack’s ears, and he feels himself start to panic because the kid is starting to cry. His face screws up and he huddles closer to Jack, his one hand gripping tight at Jack’s shirt.

“Jack—“ he repeats, a sob this time.

“Shh!” Jack hisses again, maybe a little sharper than he’d meant to, but he doesn’t need any listening guards to hear his name and know it’s him. There could even be listening kids, the types who’ll snitch and tell the guards Jack was up making noise hours past lights out just to get him beat or at most get themselves an extra piece of bread next week, but that’s his second priority. His first is the kid, and getting the kid to be quiet.

“You gotta stop. You gotta stop, buddy - quiet, okay? Just—just—‘s’okay, just…”

His mind is blank. Splasher is sobbing, the loud crying of a kid that don’t know what’s coming, and Jack can’t let him find out. He can’t, he can’t, the kid’s only tiny, and he’s already crying, he’s shaking like he’s scared - and suddenly his eyes, all huge and full of tears, go behind Jack like there’s someone there, and Jack immediately knows there is. His stomach drops like a stone, like his chest caved in and fell there and left the space around his pounding heart chillingly empty, and he could throw up. He’s scared. But he ain’t scared, ‘cause Splasher’s scared, and he’ll take any beating like it don’t hurt at all to make sure a kid stays safe.

He wrenches Splasher behind him rough enough to make the kid shriek, and spins with the knowledge that maybe the first hit won’t hurt so bad if he acts like he was gunning for it.

“Was me!” he says, and it’s only then that he realises he’s breathless. He forces himself to keep speaking regardless, throat feeling like it’s closing. “Was me, I woke ‘im up, ‘s’my fault, please—“

Please don’t hurt him. Please don’t hurt him. Lord, Splasher ain’t even running, he’s still stood stock still right where Jack shoved him to, even though there’s someone coming right at him now—

“No!” Jack screams, as the person reaches out for Splasher and grabs him, and Splasher goes willingly, like he trusts the monster. He don’t know what’s coming. They ain’t being rough, they’re leading him away careful but firm with hands on his shoulders, but that gentleness don’t mean much. Often enough it means it’s gonna be worse, but there’s hands grabbing Jack too when he tries to go for Splasher. Arms winding around him to hold him back, even as he kicks and wrenches and fights.

“No!” he shouts again, desperate as Splasher gets further and further away. “He didn’t do nothin’! Don’t, don’t! You ain’t touchin’ him, take me, take—‘s’my fault—You ain’t fuckin’ hurtin’ him, please!”

Jack is pulled back helplessly into the chest behind him - smaller than any guard he’s ever seen before - and suddenly he’s sinking to the floor, knees buckling, entirely unable to get air into his lungs. They’re burning, searing, as hot as the burning in his eyes, and his ears are roaring like there’s a fire too. He can’t hear nothing, can’t feel nothing, can only see Splasher being dragged away - he was trusting Jack, he woke Jack up, he wanted Jack to protect him but Jack couldn’t even do that. He failed, the kid’s never gonna trust him again, never gonna trust no one again just like Jack can’t.

“Please,” he sobs. “I gotta—he’s jus’ a kid—‘s’my fault—“

He wrenches again against the hold on him, barely a useless little jerk against those arms bound way too tender around his waist and chest, wrapped around him like a hug, and maybe he’s insane but finally he can’t help but melt. Exhaustion and failure crash over him like a wave to finally drown him, and he’s left adrift, sobbing like a kid. Sobbing like Splasher did.

Blink feels like he can’t breathe either. There’s something visceral about watching Jack writhing and wheezing like this, something that makes his brain feel like maybe there really ain’t any air in the room, even though he’s talking so there must be. He don’t think Jack is hearing a word of it, but it’s worth it just to say it. To not feel quite as helpless as they is.

“Yer alright. Yer alright, Jackie, it ain’t real. You ain’t there. Jus’ a nightmare, fella. Splash ‘s’fine, he’s wit’ Specs, he’s safe. You’re fine.”

“He ain’t fine,” Skittery scoffs, venomous, almost as breathless as Jack is.

He’s still holding him tight, even though Jack ain’t fighting anymore. It looks more like a hug now, just holding instead of restraining, and Skittery’d probably sooner die than admit it but Blink supposes that’s probably what it is. Jack is all boneless, just crying, and Skittery’s holding him like he’s trying to hold him together.

“You’re here,” Skittery tells Jack, spoken into the wild sweaty mop of Jack’s hair. “You’re at home, Jack. You’re alright now. You’re safe. Alright?”

Jack definitely ain’t listening. His eyes are still all distant and glazed over, but his eyelids are drooping like maybe he might fall asleep again, like maybe the fear’s already crashed, and on nights like this, that’s often more than they can ask for.

“Get him back in bed,” Blink murmurs softly to Skittery. “C’mon. We can get ‘im up together.”

They do. They haul him into Blink’s bunk behind them, underneath Jack’s, and crawl in with him while fiercely ignoring the eyes all watching them, startled awake by the commotion and Jack’s hollering. Crutchie’s watching from the next bunk over, but Blink can’t stomach looking at him - though not much less than he can stomach looking at Skittery where he’s on Jack’s other side, curling himself around Jack’s back. Skittery looks sick, maybe as sick as Blink feels.

Blink settles himself against Jack’s front and pulls his face to his chest, wincing at the burn of his tears and the clammy feel of his skin.

“Yer alright,” Blink tells him, quiet. “We got you, Jack. We ain’t lettin’ you go back there.”

Jack’s passed out a second later. He’s out cold, dead asleep like he got knocked on the head, and Blink don’t doubt for a second he’ll wake up in the morning still exhausted and without a damn clue what happened, like he always does when he has turns like this.

Blink and Skittery’ll remember, though. Just like they’ll remember every second they spent staring at each other over the top of Jack’s head, through sweat-damp strands of his dark hair, until they both finally manage to pass out too.

(And, true to form, Jack doesn’t remember a damn thing in the morning. He don’t even know which way’s up. He looks like shit and can hardly walk straight, stumbling with bleary, half-glazed eyes right out of Blink’s bunk a full hour before the bell’s rung. But he won’t settle - not until Blink gets up too and guides him over to where Splasher is tucked with Specs in his bunk, cosy and fast asleep and entirely unharmed.

“Think I musta had a rough dream last night,” Jack mumbles. Blink doesn’t correct him.)

#newsies #jack kelly #splasher newsies #kid blink #skittery newsies #splasher #skittery #my writing #answered #anonymous #cw abuse

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justcallmefox89 · 9 months ago

Text

Cinderfella's Adventures in Cordonia - Chapter Twenty

An AU of The Royal Romance with a male MC and a bisexual prince.

Masterlist

Drake and Liam learn more about Callum's past.

“What’s going on, Pops?” Callum asks again.

“You’re back earlier than I expected,” Niall answers, shooting a dirty look at Donny.

The blonde man shrugs nonchalantly, taking a pack of cigarettes from his jack pocket and tapping it against the palm of his hand.

“Yeah… turns out there wasn’t a problem at the club after all.” Callum narrows his eyes at his father.

Niall innocently widens his eyes. “I must have misunderstood.”

“Then you just mistakenly let yourself into my apartment while I was out?”

“I do own the building, Callum,” Niall sniffs. “Technically I can go into any apartment I want to, with or without your permission.”

Donny lets out a slightly breathy and panicked, “Oh shit.”

Drake’s eyes bounce back and forth between the men like ping-pong balls and Liam sits rigidly next to him, tension evident in every line of his body.

“That’s how we’re going to do this? Seriously, Pops? You didn’t try that line on me when I was sixteen but you’re doing it now?”

“You had better sense at sixteen,” Niall snaps. “Back then you weren’t jumping at the chance to ruin your life every time a hot piece of ass smiled at you.”

“I need a smoke,” Donny suddenly announces loudly. He points at Liam and Drake. “You two. Come with me.”

Confused, Liam blurts out, “We don’t smoke.”

“You can hold my lighter,” Donny replies, tugging the pair to their feet.

Ioan rises from his chair. “I think I’ll join you -”

“You better keep your ass in that chair, old man,” Callum grinds out between clenched teeth.

Stunned at his grandson’s tone, Ioan plops back into his seat, and Donny seizes the opportunity to hustle Drake and Liam out onto the balcony. He manages to slam the sliding glass door closed just as the shouting starts.

“What the actual FUCK were you two thinking?” Callum yells.

Donny lights a cigarette and inhales deeply, letting the pale grey smoke slowly curl out of his nostrils. “I hope the two of you are pleased with yourselves.”

“Us?” Liam gapes, pointing between himself and Drake. “You think this is our fault?”

“Isn’t it?” He takes another drag. “Callum was fine, happy again. You two are back in his life less than three days and him and his father are at each other’s throats with Ioan snapping at their heels.”

Liam’s cheeks flush and he scowls. “The MacKenzie family’s dysfunction has nothing to do with us.”

“It has everything to do with you, cupcake.”

Drake braces his forearms on the railing that runs around the perimeter of the balcony. “I didn’t mean for anything like this to happen. I never wanted to cause Callum any problems.”

He sounds so miserable that Donny takes pity on him. “I know you didn’t mean to, kid. But goddamn… why couldn’t you just stay away?”

The voices from the living room get louder and the three men wince in unison.

“He’s going back with you,” Donny says, flicking his cigarette butt onto the ground and crushing it with the toe of his boot.

Liam sighs. “He hasn’t made a decision one way or the other yet.”

“I know my son. He’ll go.”

Drake and Liam exchange startled looks.

Donny chuckles at their shocked expressions. “I’ve been raising that boy for nearly thirty years, and I’ve been with Niall for almost as long. Callum’s my son.”

“We didn’t realize…” Drake trails off, embarrassed.

“Did Callum ever tell you about his mother?”

“From the way he phrased it I assumed she died when he was very young,” Liam says slowly.

Donny barks out a harsh laugh. “Fuck. That woman will still be alive when there’s only cockroaches roaming the earth.”

Drake’s mouth drops open and Liam frowns uncomfortably.

Taking in their shocked expressions Donny sighs and lights another cigarette. “That was probably unfair to Cassie. We’ve always had a… complicated relationship.”

“So his mom is alive?” Drake asks.

Donny shrugs. “He’s never met her. She showed up once when he graduated high school. Niall almost had an aneurysm. She futzed around a bit, said she wanted to finally meet her son. But in the end she did what she always does and disappeared before anything could happen. Thank god we didn’t tell the kid anything and get his hopes up.”

“How did… How long… um…” Liam flounders, unable to articulate the potentially offensive question.

“You wanna know how I fit in to all this?” Donny grins around the cigarette in his mouth.

Drake and Liam nod in unison.

“I met Niall when I started working for Ioan, back when the old man was still running everything. I was young, stupid, pissed at the world. Dishonorably discharged from the military. At the beginning I was just supposed to be muscle at a few of the different strip joints, but for whatever reason Ioan took me under his wing. Brought me into his home, started teaching me about the business.”

“Is that when you started dating?” Liam asks.

Donny laughs and rolls his eyes. “Fuck no. Back then there was no telling me I was anything but straight. But we got to be friends and if I had the occasional thought about how good his ass looked then I would just ignore it. I knew Niall batted for both teams and it never bothered me… but back then I just wasn’t ready to accept certain things about myself, you know?”

“Oh, I know.” Drake gives Liam a slightly dirty look from the corner of his eye and the king’s cheek flush a soft pink.

“Anyway, one night we’re out with some of our other friends doing a bar crawl and we wind up at this dive that has live music.” Donny stubs out his cigarette on the balcony railing. “Cassie’s band was playing that night. I hate to say anything nice about the woman but she’s a fuckin’ stunner and goddamn talented to boot. Long story short Niall starts chattin’ her up after her band has finished for the night and they start seein’ each other. This goes one for a few months, and Niall and I started drifting apart a little. I didn’t really understand it then, but looking back I was jealous of Cassie and seeing them together… hurt.”

“I get that,” Drake murmurs softly, looking down at his feet. With a sad smile, Liam silently reaches out and takes his hand.

“So after they’ve been together a few months Niall gets picked up on some charges related to uh… a few substances that were being sold out of a few of the clubs. Gets sentenced to five to ten. Cassie disappears.” Donny rolls his eyes. “Me and Ioan weren’t all that surprised, she was never all that serious about Niall and it’s hard enough being in a relationship with somebody on the inside when you’re committed. We moved on thinkin’ she was gone for good. Niall being locked up was hell on the old man, and I wasn’t taking it much better, but we were doing the best we could. Then about eight months into Niall’s sentence, I get a phone call from Cassie.”

Drake and Liam lean forward, drawn in by the older man’s story.

“So it’s two in the morning, and I’ve got this chick I can’t stand calling me at the club I was working at that night. I was ready to tell her to piss off, but she starts crying, telling me she’s at the hospital and I’m the only one she can call for help. And me being a total fucking sucker I went to the hospital because I knew that’s what Niall would’ve wanted. I show up and she’s in a hospital room, lying in bed, holding a fucking baby of all things.”

“Callum,” Liam says quietly.

“Bingo.” Donny shoots a pair of finger guns towards him. “At first I didn’t know what the hell to think. Honestly I just wanted to leave her there and pretend I never saw a thing. She breaks down crying again, saying she doesn’t know what to do, didn’t know who to call since Niall’s in prison, she’s scared of Ioan, she needs help, and on and on.”

“Wait, why was she scared of Ioan?” Drake asks.

“You’ve met the old man, yeah? Are you scared of him now?”

Without hesitation Drake and Liam both nod.

“Now imagine him thirty years ago and pretend you’ve been hiding the fact that you were pregnant with his only son’s child.”

The pair shudder.

Donny nods. “Exactly. I didn’t know what the fuck to do anymore than she did, and I told her so. She begged me to stay with her just a little while, asks me to hold the kid so she could take a shower and get some things situated with the hospital. I didn’t have the heart to say no. I mean, the poor girl had been alone in the hospital with a brand new baby for three days at that point, I figured that was the least I could do for her. So she gives me the kid, just this squishy little thing, and I settle down with him while she goes to clean up. He was the cutest fucking thing, all fuckin’ chubby baby rolls and this thick, curly black hair. I didn’t mean to but as some point I fell asleep holding him. Next thing I know, Callum is screaming his lungs out and I got a pissed off nurse shaking me awake asking me where Cassie was.”

“And where was Cassie?” Liam asked.

“Fuck if I know. As soon as I fell asleep she grabbed her shit and got the hell out of dodge.”

“She just left her baby with you? Without telling you where she was going? She didn’t even really know you!” Drake exclaims.

“I feel like we’ve already established she’s not a good mom, kid.” Donny gives him an exasperated look. “So I’ve got Callum, fresh out of the oven, Niall’s locked up, and I don’t have the first fucking clue how to find Cassie. I’m only 28, living in a shitty apartment, spending nearly all my free time drunk, high, or both.”

Drake starts to speak, hesitates, then powers on. “Why didn’t you just call Ioan and let him take care of it?”

“Siobhan, Callum’s grandma, was fighting a losing battle with breast cancer. Ioan wasn’t handling it well… didn’t seem fair to add something else to the bullshit he was dealing with. He wasn’t in the best headspace then anyway. Siobhan was the only thing he cared about, only thing he could focus on. Even if I wanted to let him have Callum I don’t think he would’ve been able to take care of him. So I told the hospital I was Callum’s father, signed the birth certificate and everything. Cassie hadn’t even named the kid yet, so I had to do that too.”

“You named Callum?” Liam arches an eyebrow in question.

Donny’s cheeks turn pink and he squirms in place, an oddly endearing gesture for a man in his fifties. “I knew Niall would want to honor his dad in some way, so the middle name was easy. Then I just thought about what name I’d want to use if Niall and I would ever… you know,” he mumbles.

Liam and Drake share a conspiratorial smirk. “That’s adorable,” Liam says.

Donny coughs, looking slightly uncomfortable. “Anyways. The nurses gave me a crash course in fatherhood then shoved me out the door. I waited a few days before I told Ioan and Siobhan… I wanted some time to think on what I was going to do. I brought Callum to their house, told them everything that happened, and said I wanted to take care of Callum until Niall got out. Siobhan wasn’t on board at first, and I don’t blame her. I was young and stupid, never taken care of a baby before, didn’t know a damn thing about kids. But for whatever reason, I knew I was meant to protect that baby. Ioan was relieved, in a way, I think. God only knows why but he trusted me with his grandson, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to repay him for that.”

“What did Niall have to say about everything when he found out?” Drake asks.

“Oh he was pissed,” Donny laughs. “He would’ve taken care of Cassie if she’d told him she was pregnant, made sure she had everything she needed. But the fact that she just abandoned Callum without a word was the thing that really rustled his jimmies. He would’ve forgiven anything else but that I think.”

“How did that work though?” Liam asks delicately. “With Niall being… indisposed?”

“You can say he was in prison, Your Majesty.” Donny smirks. “Niall didn’t want Callum to see him in that place, so they didn’t actually properly meet until Callum was six. Niall wrote letters every week, and I read them to him. Things got a little more complicated when Callum started to talk and then he had a whole lot of questions. I always made sure he knew that Niall was his dad, but I never let him forget just how much I loved him too. The adjustment period after Niall got out was rough on all of us. Callum didn’t want to leave me, and Niall didn’t want to be away from his son. Understandably. So Niall got a bigger apartment and Callum and I moved in with him.”

“So is that when you and Niall got together?”

Donny grins at Drake question. “Not quite. By that time I had pulled my head out of my ass enough to realize that I wasn’t quite as straight as I wanted to believe. It was a couple more years before Niall and I got into a proper relationship. But that is a story for another time.”

Donny sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “Look, at the end of the day Callum is going to do whatever he wants to do… no matter what me, Niall, or Ioan have to say about it. Just… just take care of my boy, ok? Try not to hurt him any more than you absolutely have to.”

“I don’t… I never want to hurt Callum,” Liam protests.

“Are you still going to marry that girl you’re engaged to?”

Liam stay silent, anxiously gnawing on his lower lip.

“Then he’s going to be hurt,” Donny replies with a sad smile. He looks through the sliding glass door into the living room, frowning. “Shit.”

Drake and Liam whip around just in time to see Niall glare up at his son one last time before stalking out the front door, Ioan following closely behind him. Callum tips his head back and his shoulders slump, but he quickly collects himself and moves into the kitchen.

“That went about as well as I thought it would,” Donny sighs. “Give me a few minutes.”

Drake and Liam wait out on the balcony while Donny says goodbye to Callum.

“We’re being selfish,” Drake says eventually.

Liam glances over at him. “Excuse me?”

“We have royally fucked up Callum’s life.”

“I see what you did there.” The Cordonia king smirks over at his friend.

Drake shoves him away half-heartedly. “Stop. I’m being serious. I wasn’t thinking about Callum when I dragged him back into this. Not the way I should have.”

“I don’t understand.”

“When we got to New York all I was focused on was finding Callum again because I missed him. Because I wanted to remind you that you could actually be with someone you loved instead of Madeline. I didn’t think about what would happen to his life, how all of us being back together would affect him.”

“Considering how close the two of you have gotten I wouldn’t say our returning presence has been all bad.”

Drake blushes furiously. “I... That’s not… Liam!”

“Just saying.” Liam shrugs innocently.

“What I meant was that I only considered how having Callum back would make our lives better, make us happier. I didn’t even stop to think about what that would mean for his life here… with his family, and his job, and his other friends. How can we ask him to leave all that for us again? Especially when you’re still going through with the wedding to Madeline.”

Liam groans. “Why do we keep having to go over this? I have a duty, an obligation to Cordonia. That doesn’t mean we can’t be together. All three of us.”

“This!” Drake smacks Liam’s chest. “This right here is the problem! Callum won’t be happy just being your affair on the side.”

“And you will be?” Liam challenges.

“Of course I won’t! But if that’s the price I have to pay to be with you again I will. Callum can’t do that though.”

Liam scowls. “Can’t or won’t?”

“That’s not fair,” Drake sighs.

“What Callum’s asking isn’t fair either.”

“Callum actually isn’t asking you to do anything,” Drake points out. “He only told you what he was willing and not willing to do given the circumstances.”

Liam falls silent, unable to come up with a reasonable counter argument. The pair stare out at the bustling city streets for a while, each lost in their own thoughts.

Drake is the first one to break the silence. “Liam, what are we going to do?”

@superharriet

@angelasscribbles

@kingliam2019

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hachigram · 3 months ago

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003 MV 1 — EMPTY PRAYER

TWs for hospitals and medical imagery, as well as religious undertones and potential ableism.

Song: Empty Prayer (nulut)

Lyrics in blue, descriptions in black

Myself– the seasons–everyone’s got the wrong idea.

Childishness– looking down from on high– dressing them all in different shapes.

As a younger Ichika, who is hooked up to an I.V. and is dressed in a hospital gown, walks by a group of adults, they all start whispering to each other about him.

“Poor thing… So young! What happened to him…”

“A kid that young, I bet he’s faking it. I bet he wants attention from his mommy or something.”

“So mean…! Children get sick all the time!”

“Yeah, but not like that. Look at him. He’s shaking. He must be hiding something.”

Insolent words are dragged from my throat.

Where did I come from? I walk and walk and walk.

This younger version of Ichika keeps walking down a seemingly endless hospital hallway, the scenery hardly changing throughout it all.

At the end of the hallway, he looks up to where a shadow is waiting.

Unable to conjure a destination, I am you. You are me.

The fingertips of a blurred clear shadow melt, waver, and join together.

Ichika finally stops walking, faced with his older, current self, with his clothes from the prison.

“I am you. You are me,” The current version of Ichika says with an uncharacteristic grin.

The two versions of Ichika reach out their hands toward one another.

I’ve stopped wanting to hear the thoughts in my head.

I’m no longer able to tell what’s right and what’s wrong.

The prayers I count on my fingers have become empty.

I know, I know I can’t rely on them anymore.

Younger Ichika keeps walking, the other Ichika fading into smoke.

The scene changes. Ichika is sitting across from someone else, but we can’t see their face; all we can see is a silhouette of them smiling.

“C’mon, let’s pray to God! Perhaps He will heal you!”

Ichika silently puts his hands together in prayer, but he seems to be discontent with his actions.

The vows and the anger gently relieve my headache.

The draft kicked up by someone simply passed us by.

An older Ichika, around seventeen years old, still hooked up to an I.V., continues walking down a hospital hallway. Like before, it’s seemingly an endless journey. He ignores people speaking about him as he passes by.

“He’s still here? After all these years? Man, he must be incurable.”

“No, no, it’s as I’ve said. He’s clearly doing this for attention. Maybe the doctors pay more attention to him than his own family.”

He pauses and puts his hands together as if in prayer. The people disappear in a puff of smoke.

Piece by piece, I became a different me. I became you.

Selling safety in parts, my thinning heart and head and words—

All alone, Ichika falls to his knees, coughing violently. Ichika from the prison appears behind him, frowning, but unable to help his younger self. He’s just an outsider to his own life.

—stop them.

Current Ichika says “stop them” to the beat of the lyric.

I swallow down the anguish I wanted to pile up and the dry things

so that unmoving, I stifle my trembling.

My body has become a cage. My insides are no longer brimming over.

Shake it harder.

Ichika’s friend, the silhouette from before, appears before him, looking concerned as they drop to their knees and grasp at his hands.

“Hey… Are you okay? Maybe we can keep praying, maybe He’ll hear us one day.”

Ichika glares at his friend, yelling something inaudible at them. They keep insisting on praying together, and they force Ichika’s hands into the prayer position.

Like the light, like my name,

I’ve got to throw away the blackening depths of my heart.

Those old summers, and even tomorrow night,

they’re all gone now.

Ichika remembers a time when he and his friend were younger, when the two of them were able to have fun together before he got sick.

In the memory, the two of them are running together across the meadow, with Ichika chasing his friend as if they were playing tag.

At the end of that memory, he falls to his knees, coughing.

I’ve stopped wanting to hear the thoughts in my head.

The prayers I count on my fingers have become empty.

Ichika is now aged to his current age, sitting alone in his hospital room. He hears his friend enter his room, and he forces a smile towards them. How can he smile when there’s nothing to be happy about?

“Ichika. Why did you stop praying to God? You won’t be saved if you don’t pray.”

“What’s the point in praying for something that will never come? We’ve prayed for years, since I was a kid, and nothing’s come out of it. Face it, *******. I'm going to die here.”

Forever　forever　forever　forever

His friend still walks forward, smiling as they try to force Ichika’s hands together in prayer.

“Just for me? Please? Let me pray for you.”

Everything has tied together and become one.

Daily life and songs and relationships and moral character and upbringing;

I want to beat up everything you hate,

but

but, I can’t seem to move anymore.

Ichika reaches his hand out, an angry expression on his face. He’s yelling something as tears fall, but whatever he’s saying can’t be heard.

His friend disappears in a puff of smoke, leaving a black stain in their wake.

Don’t dream of such simple things.

Ichika drops to his knees, falling right into that black puddle. He reaches in, scoops up some of the black liquid into his hands, and puts his hands together in prayer one final time. For once, the smile on his face is genuine, even as tears continue to fall.

#003 #mvs #ocgram

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herapersona · 1 year ago

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AGE IS JUST A NUMBER; JAIL IS JUST A ROOM

“Sheng-ge! Hurry up! We’ll be late!” Jiang Cheng, mature and definitely not a little boy anymore at age 14, yelled for his cousin. “I don’t want Shufu to think my cousin is irresponsible with time!”

Mama and Father chuckled from the dining area where they were still finishing up their breakfast.

“You’re too obsessed with what Lan QiRen will think of you, baobei,” Mama said with a fond smile.

A-Cheng pouted at his mother but he went to kiss her cheek. “It’s because I want him to like me, Mama. After all, I will marry Huan-ge in the future and he’ll be my uncle-in-law.”

He ignored Father’s choking sounds and ran to the bottom of the stairs when he heard Jiang WuSheng, his older cousin, running down. “Gods! Finally!”

“Sorry! I wanted to look presentable to your friends coz I know how special they are to you. I didn’t want to look like a slob.” Jiang WuSheng, at fifteen years old, was already almost 6 feet tall with broad shoulders and a slim waist. His dark hair was a little messy but that was a normal style for teenage boys nowadays so it was okay.

A-Cheng stepped back and looked at his cousin up and down. Yes, Sheng-ge was as handsome as any boy-next-door type of idol whose face and physique made A-Cheng envious but with how the older boy carried himself, it was a waste. He wore a very simple white t-shirt under a black-gray-and-white plaid polo, paired with black jeans, and white sneakers.

“Straighten your back, Sheng-ge. Do not slouch,” the younger boy ordered before fixing WuSheng’s collar. “Okay, we’re ready to go.”

“A-yi, Shushu, we’re going,” WuSheng waved at the couple.

“Mama, Father, we’re off!”

The teens walked out of the Jiang mansion and got into the awaiting car.

“Gege, just drop us off at the gates. Sheng-ge and I will walk to the Lan house,” A-Cheng told the driver who chuckled and shook his head.

“Of course, Young Master.”

The spring morning sun shone over their young faces as they leaned back and let the slow car ride to the gates about 5 miles away from the house give them time to have their final touches on themselves.

A-Cheng put some hand cream onto his pal and handed it to Sheng-ge. “Have some.”

Sheng-ge looked at the small bottle of hand cream and inspected it. It was lotus-scented and smooth to the hand. “Is this why your hand is so soft and fragrant?”

“Yes,” A-Cheng accepted the bottle back and put it in the pocket of his sling bag.

“When did you start caring about your hands? The last time we saw each other, you refused to even wash them before dinner,” the older teen teased which earned him a glare from the younger boy.

“I was 4, Sheng-ge. Stop teasing already.”

The two of them got out of the car and thanked the driver before walking down the street toward the Lan mansion which was a couple of estates down.

Gentle breeze teased their hair, especially A-Cheng’s which was pulled back in a ponytail with two braids on each side of his face. Ice was slowly thawing and in replacement to it were the evergreens that had waited for months and months before they came out for this year.

The birds that wanted to escape the cold were slowly returning with the promise of better days to come. In Jiang Cheng’s mind, better days will come indeed.

—xxx—

Jiang WuSheng was sent to his uncle and aunt in the city for his continuing education. As much as his parents wanted to raise him and be with him all his life, they knew that they could not leave their life in the country. At least, they knew that Yu ZiYuan will be a good role model for Jiang WuSheng even if Jiang FengMian was a disappointment to the whole clan. And it would be good for A-Sheng to hang out with A-Cheng and A-Li so he will know how kids around his age act and think. Enough was enough with him being an old soul.

Now, here he was, Jiang WuSheng, fifteen years of age, the only son of a couple who has a vast area of land in the country, the future right-hand man of Jiang Cheng, courtesy name Jiang Wanyin, staring shamelessly at a middle-aged man whose beauty was like no other.

A-Cheng’s elbow to his rib forcefully pulled Jiang WuSheng from all the inappropriate thoughts he just had about the said middle-aged man such as bending him over the table to his right or pinning him against the wall or–

“I am Lan QiRen, A-Huan and A-Zhan’s uncle.” Was it really possible for a man to have such a musical and calm voice? Was it possible for a man to have such a soft but powerful hand? Was it really possible for the man to become even more beautiful the longer Jiang WuSheng stared at him?

“Please marry me,” A-Sheng heard himself say.

The man’s eyes widened a little before he frowned and pulled his hand away from A-Sheng. Wait, no! Don’t pull your hand away! He wanted to say but heck, his mind was a mess.

“You’re too young to be thinking of marriage, young man,” the man–Lan Qiren… Ren-ge–told A-Sheng. Wait, he didn’t say A-Sheng’s name.

“J-Jiang WuSheng”! A-Sheng blurted out, his voice exploding in the living room of the huge and pristine house they were in. “My name… it’s… it’s Jiang WuSheng. Y-you can call me A-Sheng, Ren-gege.”

“WHO THE FUCK IS YOUR GEGE?” A-Cheng’s voice snapped at A-Sheng and he looked at his cousin whose purplish eyes were now dark with mortification and shock. Even his cheeks were turning beet red.

Lan QiRen’s face had turned a pretty shade of pink and A-Sheng had somehow managed to pull a burst of soft laughter from the older man.

At least A-Huan was pretty chill about the situation. A-Zhan didn’t seem to care as long as Wei Ying was leaning against him while giggling like the lunatic that he was.

“Young man, I am old enough to be your father. You might as well find someone your age. Aside from that, if I marry you, I’ll be thrown into jail,” there was fondness in his tone and he patted A-Sheng’s head. “I’d like to keep myself out of jail as much as possible.”

A-Sheng raised a brow. “If you’re old enough to be my father, then should I call you Daddy?”

—xxx—

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?” They were barely inside the house when A-Cheng started tearing him a new one. “Flirting with Shufu? Really, Sheng-ge??? Really???”

A-Sheng opened his mouth to reply but no words came so he shrugged.

Wei Ying’s laughter was really not helping.

“And you insinuating that you should call him ‘Daddy’? Are you kidding me???”

Now that made A-Sheng feel a stab of sheepishness in his chest. He wasn’t sorry though. “To be fair, he’s a very handsome man and I wouldn’t think twice if he ever had a thought of having his way on me.”

“Jiang WuSheng!” A-Cheng’s voice snapped so hard and so loudly that A-Sheng had no choice but to flinch and take a couple of steps away from his cousin in case A-Cheng decided to throw a punch.

“What’s going on here?” Madam Yu asked, her eyes jumping from her angry son to dying-of-laughter Wei Ying who was in a fetal position on the couch while hugging his belly, and finally to Jiang WuSheng.

Wei Ying was obviously useless at this point as he was laughing so much he could barely breathe and A-Cheng was so angry that he was seething.

Okay then. It looked like A-Sheng needed to explain.

He cleared his throat and looked at Madam Yu. “I…” he started before clearing his throat one more time. “I am in love with Lan Qiren.”

Madam Yu’s purplish eyes grew as big as saucers at that. “Lan… Lan Qiren? The uncle?”

“Yes, A-Yi,” A-Sheng nodded with a smile.

“Are you sure? Do you mean Lan Huan or Lan Zhan?” Madam Yu sat down on the couch adjacent to the one where A-Ying was currently gasping for air. She crossed her legs and put her joined hands over her knees, giving her that ethereal and royal look even when she was already wearing her pajamas.

“I’m sure, A-Yi. Lan QiRen as in Lan Huan and Lan Zhan’s handsome, elegant, and wonderful uncle.” He smiled at his aunt proudly. “I’d love to wife him up and keep him filled with my–”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” A-Cheng screamed while covering his ears and running around like he was a demon being sprayed with holy water or maybe a banshee. Maybe both. “RELEASE ME FROM THIS FUCKING MISERY! JUST SHOOT ME! STRIKE ME WITH LIGHTNING! I CANNOT LIVE WITH THIS SHAME ON MY BACK!”

Madam Yu had to massage her temples at the chaos in front of her–one teen is probably having an asthma attack based on the wheezes coming out of him, another screaming like a banshee, and the last grinning like a fucking idiot because he fell in love at first sight.

She manhandled A-Ying to a sitting position and pulled A-Cheng to sit down beside A-Ying. “And you,” she pointed at the oldest boy of the three. “Sit down, keep your mouth shut, and no more dirty talk about Lan QiRen.”

“But A-Yi… how could I not when he’s got the face that would be perfect to look at when he’s begging and crying and–”

He deserved the karate chop to his head from Madam Yu. He really deserved it. He knew he did but he couldn’t help but laugh because his heart felt so full. His fifteen-year-old heart was overwhelmingly huge that he couldn’t think of a way to express all his emotions.

“I’ve already planned our wedding. A-Yi, I want you to be a witness to the exchange of our love and our rings. He shall be my wife in the future.”

Madam Yu just groaned and shook her head.

—xxx—

Cangse Sangren’s laughter was very much like her son’s when Yu ZiYuan shared the story with her and Wei Changze. Same tone, same wheeze, same sound, same pitch. Her head was thrown back as her voice became the music that filled the Wei House Kitchen. Her husband kept his hand on her shoulder to keep her from flipping her chair back.

“I’m dying,” the woman claimed while wiping her tears of laughter. She finally straightened her posture and looked at QiRen’s red face. “So you’ve been flirted with by a minor, huh? I’m sure jail is already waving at you at this point.”

“You and your son are so much alike,” QiRen mumbled, his cheeks burning from embarrassment. How dare that boy flirt with him so openly in front of his nephews? Besides, he hasn’t been here for a long time and he was already stirring the pot of drama? Such a troublemaker. As if Lan QiRen would ever commit the sin of loving a minor.

“Don’t worry, Ren-di,” Cangse Sangren assured him. “Age is just a number.”

“And jail is just a room,” Wei Changze responded before patting QiRen’s hunched shoulders.

Yu ZiYuan simply sipped her tea at all the drama going on with her friends. She was tired of it. Just last night, she had to make sure that A-Cheng would not strangle A-Sheng in his sleep because A-Cheng was so distraught that he just wanted to erase A-Sheng’s existence entirely.

Of course, Jiang FengMian was of no help in keeping the drama at bay. If anything, the bastard was an addition to the drama because the moment he saw A-Ying, he proceeded to gush over his best friend’s son as if his own son was not there.

“He’s only 15!” QiRen mumbled while staring at his tea. “I’m 35. Why would he want to ‘wife’ me up, huh? Is this a new kink or something among teenagers?”

Yuan, SangRen, and ChangZe all looked at QiRen with knowing smiles.

“What?” QiRen asked, his brows furrowed and meeting just above his nose line.

“Well…” SangRen nudged her husband and then nodded toward QiRen. “You can tell him.”

Changze chuckled before raising and then dropping his shoulders nonchalantly. “To be honest, Ren-di, you really are wife material. I wouldn’t be surprised if A-Sheng is not the only one having fantasies about you. You’re beautiful plus your mysterious aura pulls at people more than you know it does.”

Confusion overcame Qiren from the inside out. “Huh? Mysterious aura? What are you on about?”

His friends simply shrugged and shook their heads before sipping their tea, not answering his questions at all.

—xxx—

“For the love of all the gods and goddesses out there, Sheng-ge,” A-Cheng grumbled, “behave. I don’t want a repeat of what happened the first time you met Shufu. Don’t make him feel uncomfortable.”

A-Sheng just sighed and nodded. “Yes, A-Cheng. I understand.”

The meeting was tame compared to the first time. A-Sheng just followed Lan QiRen with his gaze without saying anything other than the greeting (again, it was tamer than the last time).

The whole time the boys were hanging out, A-Sheng thought deeply. He thought about his age and Ren-ge’s age. Yes, legally, Ren-ge might get in trouble if he had a relationship with a minor. And A-Sheng is definitely minor.

A-Sheng didn’t want Ren-ge to get in trouble and he wanted to prove to everyone that the feelings he had were not fleeting. He loved Ren-ge. He fell in love at first sight.

“Ren-gege, I will not be coming back here until I turn 18. Until then, please wait for me,” he explained before he and A-Cheng could leave the Lan mansion. “I’ll be sure to grow up well and properly so you will be proud to be pursued by me.”

—xxx—

Lan QiRen watched the boys walk away from the house, A-Sheng’s words echoing in his mind. Hmm… It’s good to have some peace of mind if the boy will not be coming back. For sure, he would fall in love with somebody else within the next three years. Surely, he would forget about old Lan QiRen and have a blast collecting people’s hearts and maybe breaking them in the process.

That was what QiRen thought that night before pushing the memory of a teenage boy who was a little bit off in the head out of his mind. So why the hell was the boy at his front porch in the middle of the goddamn night almost three years after the last time he was there?

“Ren-gege, I am Jiang WuSheng,” the boy–no… he was a man now–had grown even taller and broader in the past years. And his voice had become so sultry that QiRen could not help but shiver and it was not because of the cold.

QiRen took in the man in front of him with his eyes. A-Sheng’s formerly short and black hair was now long with its tips dyed with silver. The older man even itched to push a strand of hair behind A-Sheng’s ear but he was glued on the spot.

A-Sheng was dressed up in expensive clothes from head to toe too. He had a golden hoop on his left earlobe, a Rolex Submariner, and hand-stitched leather shoes that went very beautifully with his dark blue suit-and-tie get-up.

“I just turned 18. I’m legal now! I’ll court you from now on.” The boy grinned at the older man, his greyish eyes shining from the lights over their heads.

QiRen barely had enough time to process everything when a bouquet of flowers and a box of expensive chocolates were put in his arms.

“I’m sorry for waking you up, Ren-gege. I just couldn’t wait to see your beautiful face. Anyway, I’ll get going now. I still have work.” A-Sheng waved at Lan QiRen before running toward the gates.

—xxx—

“He did what?” Yu ZiYuan asked during a weekly meeting with his friends.

“He showed up a few minutes after midnight at the house to drop a bouquet of flowers and some chocolates and said that it was his birthday,” QiRen said while staring at his tea once more. “I thought he’d totally forget about me after all these years.”

ZiYuan leaned back on her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “Well… at some point, he stopped talking about you so I thought he moved on from you too.”

“See?” QiRen pointed at ZiYuan. “Besides, what kind of 18-year-old boy could afford Rolex Submariner or something?”

“Well, his parents are well off plus he works a lot.”

“You let your minor ward work?” QiRen frowned at that. He couldn’t have let his nephews work if he could help it. Especially when their parents and the clan itself were more than rich enough to send both boys to private schools without many financial difficulties.

“Don’t judge me, you ass,” ZiYuan rolled her eyes at him. “He got permission from his parents that he could work as much as he wanted as long as he managed to keep his grades up.” She shrugged. “He hasn’t disappointed them or me for that matter.”

—xxx—

“Good morning, Ren-gege,” A-Sheng greeted and handed QiRen a box of donuts. He had been waiting at the gates since five in the morning to meet the older man before he went to university.

“Good morning, A-Sheng. I told you, you didn’t have to do this. I can cook breakfast just fine,” the older man told the kid gently.

The young man only smiled. “I just like seeing you every morning, Ren-gege. I’ll have to go too. I have classes. Bye, Ren-gege!”

Just like that, QiRen’s mornings were filled with A-Sheng welcoming him with donuts that he barely ate but nonetheless opened because of the cute messages in the boxes. Today, it wrote in a legible scribble: You’re as beautiful as the day I met you. I hope you’ll have a great day today. - JWS

“Silly boy,” QiRen mumbled but his heart was tickled.

—xxx—

A-Sheng ran to the Lan gates and was about to sit on the sidewalk like always when he heard the gates open. The guard (the same one who let him enter that fateful night of his birthday) looked at him.

“Good morning, gege,” he bowed to the older man respectfully.

“Good morning, Young Master. Master QiRen wants you to come in.”

WuSheng blinked at that. That would be a first. He blinked a couple more times before he gave the other box of donuts to the older man. “This is for you, gege. And please call me A-Sheng.”

“If that’s what you wish, A-Sheng,” the guard let the boy in and watched him walk up to the mansion.

A-Sheng’s eyes took in the view of the mansion that the love of his life lived in. He needed to save more money to buy a house as grand as this one. He couldn’t possibly let his love downgrade when they start dating.

This mansion had those towers and turrets, the mansion in his mind should have skylights that would show his beloved the beauty of the sky no matter what weather they were experiencing. Maybe he should look for an area over a hill so it could look over the city. Yeah, something like that. Something good enough for his beloved Lan QiRen.

“Daydreaming much, A-Sheng?” A-Huan teased the younger man from the front door. He was ready for university with his blue hoodie and white trousers paired with white shoes.

“Yeah, daydreaming of a house I should buy for your uncle when he marries me,” A-Sheng replied unabashedly, grinning when Lan Huan, courtesy name Lan XiChen chuckled. “I cannot let him downgrade after all.”

XiChen just nodded and patted A-Sheng’s shoulder. “Best of luck, A-Sheng. I’ll get going now, I still have to pick up A-Cheng and drop him off at school.”

“You’re definitely whipped by my cousin.”

“You’re one to talk when you’ve been whipped by my uncle even before you could speak your name to him.”

The two young men chuckled as they walked in opposite directions.

“Good morning, A-Sheng. Have a seat and let’s eat breakfast.” It was a welcome that had A-Sheng’s heart stammering like crazy in his chest. Oh, this was a life that he’d love to have for the rest of his days. “Would you like coffee, hot chocolate, or milk?”

The younger man sat on the kitchen counter and put his box of donuts down before clearing his throat. “G-good morning, Ren-gege. Hot chocolate, please. How was your sleep?” He stared at the older man who was clad in a white long-sleeved button-down shirt with a light blue vest over it. His trousers were black and stiff as a board.

QiRen’s hair was neatly tied back with a white ribbon with patterns of clouds on it. It would be a lie if WuSheng said he didn’t imagine tying QiRen up with it.

“It was great. I managed to get eight hours of sleep so I feel rested,” the older man served a plate full of eggs, sausages, two pieces of pancakes, a slice of bread on it, and a mug of steaming hot chocolate. “How about yours?”

“I went to sleep at three in the morning and woke up before five in the morning for my morning run,” A-Sheng replied. “Thank you for the delicious breakfast, Ren-gege. I appreciate it a lot.”

“Having so little sleep at night is not healthy,” QiRen scolded as he took a seat across from the younger man. “You should be sleeping eight hours a night.”

A-Sheng smiled sheepishly at that. “I nap in the afternoon, Ren-gege, before I go to work.”

QiRen sighed and nodded at A-Sheng’s food. “Eat and recharge before you go to school.”

“Thank you for the food, Ren-gege.”

Their daily breakfast brought the two men closer to each other. Their stories that started from school and work topics slowly moved to more personal ones. They talked about astronomy, the world, their friends, and their hobbies.

Soon enough, these breakfasts became an integral part of their daily lives.

—xxx—

It took Jiang WuSheng three years to finally make Lan QiRen go on a date with him. Three long years that he hadn’t felt because of all the daily breakfasts with the older man.

“A-Cheeeeeng!!! I need to look good for my date!” Jiang WuSheng, twenty-one years of age, panicked at the prospect of not looking good enough for his first real date with Lan QiRen.

“For the love of all the gods and goddesses, Sheng-ge! I told you already! You look good in anything! You’re literally an effin’ model!” A-Cheng yelled at his cousin who was still pacing in Jiang Cheng’s room. “If you don’t get out of my room within three seconds, I will break your legs and THEN you won’t be able to have your date with Shufu. That way, he would not see how UGLY you look right now. There, problem solved!”

A-Sheng knew when A-Cheng was at the end of his wits so as a last resort of pissing his cousin off, he grabbed A-Cheng’s face and kissed his cheek before running out of the bedroom with a laugh.

“Bastard!”

—xxx—

WuSheng pulled the chair out for QiRen and offered to take the bouquet of flowers from the older man. “I heard from XiChen-ge and Wangji-di that you like it here so…” He sat down and fidgeted as he waited for QiRen’s reaction.

“Why are you nervous?” QiRen asked, a small smile adorning his pinkish face. “It’s not our first time eating together.”

“But it’s our first time eating out and going on a date,” WuSheng pointed out with a small and delighted smile. “This is the most amazing night of my life!”

“River?”

Jiang WuSheng’s smile slowly dimmed as his face went pale when an older man walked to their table. He looked at CEO Yao and prayed that a bolt of lightning might strike him. “CEO Yao, it’s nice to see you here.” He plastered his customer service smile and wished that the man would leave them alone.

CEO Yao, short, chubby, and quite snotty looked at Lan QiRen and raised a brow. “I didn’t know that the Grandmaster of Cloud Recesses would be the one to–”

“CEO Yao, we signed contracts, remember?” A-Sheng’s hand fisted on the table and both older men’s eyes landed on his fist.

“A-Sheng…” QiRen reached forward and covered A-Sheng’s fist with his hand. “Calm down…”

CEO Yao only smirked at A-Sheng. “What, your boyfriend doesn’t know what you do for a living? He doesn’t know how crazy you could go for money?” His tongue slid over his lips while staring at WuSheng up and down like a hungry predator.

“Do tell me,” QiRen’s voice was calm but his hand tightened around WuSheng’s fist. “Tell me what he does for money.”

CEO Yao’s smirk dimmed and so did his attitude but he huffed and leaned forward, pressing his palms on their table so he could be face-to-face with QiRen. “With the right amount of money, he would go rough on you and fuck you like you’re the most beautiful person he knows. He would let you dominate him, edge him, and even fuck him if you’re in the mood for it. But you see… his thick dick is the best for riding. Especially when he’s blindfolded because he turns into such a stallion.”

QiRen smirked at that. “Oh, is that so? I’ll keep that in mind. Now, will that be all? I hope a client like you will NOT disturb his date with his boyfriend ever again. Basic etiquette, don’t you think?”

CEO Yao flinched at that like he was given a backhand to the face.

“Oh, and don’t worry,” QiRen continued as he turned to face WuSheng while rubbing the younger man’s fist with his thumb. “I’ll have him do everything you told me about. I bet he’ll rearrange my guts like a champ then.”

WuSheng choked on air and CEO Yao walked away from them with a face that could compete against the stop light.

“Hmmm… He finally left,” QiRen mumbled, his thumb still rubbing against WuSheng’s fist. “Relax now, A-Sheng.”

“Y-you… you s-said… you said… that…” WuSheng was pretty sure that he was a blushing mess at this point but he didn’t care. He had to confirm what he had heard. “You said…”

“Yes, I’m your boyfriend and yes, I want you to rearrange my guts.”

—xxx—

Did Jiang WuSheng expect that he and Lan QiRen would end up in QiRen’s overly white and clean bedroom at the end of the night? Did he think that he would have a chance for sex when all that he was expecting was a kiss on the cheek or maybe (if he was lucky) on the lips? No. But here he was, removing his clothes so he could have a shower before he could rearrange Lan QiRen’s guts.

May the gods and goddesses help him.

—xxx—

Did Lan QiRen plan on sleeping with Jiang WuSheng after their date tonight? Did he expect that they’d end up naked on his bed with the young man cracking his back like a damn lightstick? Yes. Definitely. Wasn’t that the reason why he had a plug inside him right now?

That damn client (no… former client now because Jiang WuSheng had immediately called his company about CEO Yao’s breach of contract. That man will be banned by A-Sheng’s company. Good riddance) actually helped QiRen form his courage even more. Without him, there might have been a chance that QiRen would have changed his mind. But now, he didn’t.

He didn’t want to change his mind. He wanted Jiang WuSheng to nail him and make him feel alive. Wasn’t this the reason why he had been preparing himself with various toys so their first time would not be as painful as his researchers claimed?

This was his time to shine. No time to overthink. No time to be anxious. He wanted Jiang WuSheng and he’ll–

His mind was short-circuited when Jiang WuSheng came out of the bathroom with only a white towel covering his private parts. How can anyone look so fucking delicious? Tall physique, broad chest, abs that promise good core strength, and huge hands that would hold QiRen down while he was being overpowered.

“Ren-gege…” WuSheng took a couple of steps toward the older man and knelt in front of QiRen. “Are you sure about this? I… I can wait.”

QiRen smirked at that and placed his right foot over WuSheng’s lap, teasing the younger man’s covered crotch with his foot. WuSheng’s whimper made QiRen even more playful. “Are you sure you can wait?”

The younger man pressed his forehead against QiRen’s knee while his hands grabbed that naughty leg lightly. “Ren-gege… such a tease…”

“Just come and fuck me, WuSheng.” It wasn’t a request. It was an order.

“I don’t want to fuck you, Ren-gege,” WuSheng replied as he gently pushed the older man onto the soft bed. “I want to make love to you.”

—xxx—

Their lips joined and followed a dance that they’d never tried together before. It was soft and tentative at first but soon, the fire ignited and the heat took no time to spread all over their bodies.

WuSheng’s hands became curious as they traced QiRen’s body slowly but surely. One by one, QiRen’s clothing revealed a body taken care of by eating healthy and exercising. It wasn’t as muscular as WuSheng’s but it was firm and strong.

And it deserved to be loved and worshipped.

Something glimmering caught WuSheng’s eyes while he was pulling QiRen’s boxers down and his eyes grew big as he realized what it was between QiRen’s buttcheeks. He looked up at the older man and chuckled at how red QiRen had become.

“Were you preparing for me?” he asked, already breathless from holding back.

“Y-yes… yes…” QiRen replied before pulling the younger man over his body once more for some more kissing. “Kiss me… Kiss me while you enter me, WuSheng.”

And that was exactly what WuSheng did. He parted QiRen’s legs while their lips joined and sucked. His movements were precise in pulling out that cold toy from QiRen’s tightness and putting a condom around himself. All these before he pushed into that deliciously warm and tight hole.

His grunt mingled with QiRen’s gasp and moan. “Ren-gege… so tight…”

QiRen moaned against their joined lips before pulling back and whispering, “you’re just so thick…” And he was right. Of course, WuSheng’s length was good but his thickness? It was almost enough to make QiRen come. “Y-you’re… you’re opening me so wide.”

Years of holding back had WuSheng kissing those deliciously soft lips as he pushed his whole length inside his… boyfriend. Lan QiRen was now his boyfriend. Wasn’t that such an adventure? Once he was sure that the older man was used to his size, he let out the power of his hips.

He knelt back and pulled QiRen towards his pelvis, making the older man arch up his back. And the thrusting began. Slow, hard thrusts filled the room with the sound of their skin slapping and the protest of the bed under them.

His eyes took in the view in front of him.

Lan QiRen was pinkish from his chest up to the roots of his hair. His nipples were twitching and swollen from all the sucking and pinching WuSheng did to them. His cock continuously dripped creamy cum that pooled onto his flat but hickey-filled stomach. His chest heaved up and down from the effort of it all.

“What’s your color?” WuSheng asked, slowing down even more.

The older man frowned at the question and looked at WuSheng. “What do you mean?”

“Uhm… you know… green-yellow-red?”

QiRen seemed to think about it. Then he looked back at WuSheng. “Is there a color for FASTER?”

WuSheng let out a breath of laughter before pinning the older man down with his whole weight. “If you want faster, I’ll give you faster,” he whispered and that was exactly what he did.

—xxx—

QiRen threw his head back from the pleasure of getting impaled with a thick cock from below. Thank God for the squats he continued to do every night because, without those, his knees would have given out from under him.

That bastard CEO Yao was correct when he said WuSheng was a stallion.

QiRen had been bouncing for only the gods know how long and WuSheng was not showing any sign of stopping in the near future. He could already feel WuSheng’s cum sloshing inside him. So much. Too much cum. Gods… Was the kid a faucet or something?

“Eyes on me, love,” WuSheng demanded and pulled QiRen’s face closer to his. “Eyes on me.”

QiRen could only nod and fall over that strong chest as he let the younger man continue having his way with his old body.

—xxx—

“We didn’t get to try using toys,” QiRen mumbled the next morning while WuSheng was still half asleep. “I want to try toys.”

WuSheng mumbled. “We’ll try them all next time. One at a time, love.”

QiRen looked at the young man’s face and huffed. But he leaned down and kissed those swollen lips. “You’re lucky I love you or else I’d keep you here as my fuck toy.”

“If you really loved me, you’d keep me here as your fucktoy,” WuSheng responded with a grin.

BONUS: A Gift to Odette who always supports me. Odette, I hope you like this as much as you liked the other one.

QiRen heard the shuffling in his bedroom but he didn’t move from the bed and continued to pretend he was asleep. What followed was the sound of the shower. He knew his young lover would be tired from his university work. Even after WuSheng retired from his job, he still had very little time to rest because of the demands of his university.

A couple of minutes pass by and the bed creak under the additional 200 pounds on it. Soon, QiRen was wrapped in strong and muscular arms, his nape fanned with the warm breath, and his ass getting probed by a stiff cock.

He chuckled and turned around to face his lover who was wearing his birthday suit. “Hi, love…”

“I’m sorry to wake you, love,” WuSheng mumbled, his lips already pressing against QiRen’s.

The older man’s hand cupped the hard member between them and smiled when WuSheng’s body trembled at the contact. “Would you like to be inside me or would you like me to be inside you?”

WuSheng laughed weakly at that but he kept mouthing at QiRen’s neck. “You inside me, please. But I might pass out so…”

“I’ll take care of it, baby…”

And that’s what he did. He got over his oversized puppy boyfriend and rained kisses all over WuSheng’s sleepy face before moving to that thick neck, reveling at the feeling of WuSheng’s shivers and hearing his moans.

QiRen captured a nipple and sucked on it, played it with the tip of his tongue, and finally nipped at it. The arch of WuSheng’s body pushed him to do more. Hallelujah for WuSheng’s huge and honest body.

His hands and mouth worked full time to please his tired lover until he got to WuSheng’s cock which got cat licks and little kisses that made WuSheng whimper.

“R-Ren-gege… please…”

“Okay, love… Sorry…” The older man spread WuSheng’s thighs apart and smiled at how WuSheng’s hole glistened and clenched at nothing. “Did you prepare yourself for me?”

“Yes… I want you… Now… Please…”

QiRen hovered over the younger man and kisses his eyelids one by one. “My hardworking boyfriend…” One finger in and WuSheng was gasping.

QiRen found that little hole gripping his finger greedily. “You’re so eager, A-Sheng.”

Tears threatened to fall from WuSheng’s eyes as he looked up at QiRen pleadingly. “I need you… Gege… please… fuck me… Fuck me til I pass out. Fuck me even while I’m asleep. Please?”

QiRen may be strict but he was never strict with his lover. So he captured WuSheng’s lips, pulled his finger out, and pushed his length in, groaning at the tightness that sucked him in.

WuSheng whimpered but he held onto his lover tightly. Soon enough, he was moving his hips on his own accord, chasing his own pleasure like crazy.

Their breaths mingled as their bodies moved in sync. Their lips would meet and join every couple of thrusts and with every deep thrust, WuSheng would dig his nails into QiRen’s shoulders.

Soon, their movements lost their sync. WuSheng stopped moving and QiRen pulled WuSheng’s muscular legs over his shoulders (thank the creators for the Lan strength) and thrust as hard as he could.

“R-Ren… Ren-gege… A-almost!”

“It's okay, baby. Go ahead. I’ll take care of you.”

A couple more thrusts in and WuSheng was spilling his seed all over his torso but QiRen continued his movements. Even when WuSheng had fallen asleep, QiRen continued to chase his own pleasure until he too, spilled his seed deep inside his lover.

QiRen woke up panting and moaning, his left leg lifted and his ass filled with WuSheng’s overly excitable cock. “M-morning… Good morning…”

“Good morning, love,” WuSheng pulled QiRen’s head back and mouthed at his neck and jaw while still snapping his hips like crazy. “I’m well rested now.” “I… I can see… t-that! Ah!”

#SICLQR #mo dao zu shi #lan qiren #Yunmeng Jiang Second-in-Command #yunmeng siblings #yunmeng jiang #yunmeng bros #xicheng #wangxian

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ptergwen · 4 years ago

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If you do smut can you do like stark!reader x peter parker (spiderman) are dating 3-4 month and y/n and peter had their very fluff first time then next morning y/n has hickies all over her neck and her thights stomach... and tony/ her dad sees it and is confronting them with it😂 i love your stories 🤤

just saying hi

w/c: 2.5k

warnings: veryyyy suggestive, swearing, some pretty embarrassing moments

a/n: thank you babe! i didn’t write the actual smut but y’all can guess what happened 😭 also this is super long i couldn’t help myself

it was everything. it was everything you ever wanted your first time to be and more.

you’d brought up to peter during a make out session one night that you were ready to go farther than you two already have. there was one base you didn’t hit yet. the fourth, the final. you were thinking about it for a while before that, and peter would be lying if he said he didn’t.

your love has always been physical, whether it’s you kissing peter’s cuts after a mission or him tracing hearts on you with his fingers. there’s also the more sexual side of things. that part, you both enjoy just as much, maybe even a little more because you know exactly how to make each other feel good after all the trial and error.

what better way to combine the two than, well, making love?

last night was your sign from the universe, your go ahead to do it. you had the compound to yourselves because your dad had taken all the “big kids” out for the night. you’re both well into college, but he refuses to see you as adults. that meant no peter and no you. you two were a little offended until you realized you could make use of your alone time.

you started off searching for a movie. that turned into you wrestling peter for the remote because you didn’t feel like watching back to the furure yet again. wrestling turned into you on top of him, which turned into you kissing him, which turned into peter throwing the remote somewhere and carrying you up to your room with his lips still on yours.

neither of you had to say it. you were on the same page, same wavelength, two brains in one as peter layed you down and trailed his kisses lower and lower.

peter was so gentle with you, except for when you told him not to be. those were the times he didn’t hold back. he was attentive and sweet and showed you quite a few times how much he loves you. you showed him just the same. yeah, it was really everything.

“morning, baby. you awake yet?” peter hums against the shell of your ear, arms wound comfortably around you. “kinda,” you mumble back with a goofy smile. he presses his lips to your ear and nuzzles his face in the side of your neck. “kinda... how’d you sleep?” you can hear the grin in his voice. his nose nudges your bare skin where a fresh hickey lies and makes you scrunch your own up.

“good, really good. always love sleeping with you.” you’re both aware of the alternate meaning that has now. “funny,” peter lets out a breathy laugh against you and brushes his thumb over your stomach where your shirt got ridden up. you sigh, enjoying his soft touch and reaching behind you to play with his curls. they’re a lot messier than usual from you tugging on them all last night.

peter removes his face from your neck and carefully turns you onto your other side. you’re facing him now, eyes trained on his concerned expression. “hey, just wanna check. how are you feeling? still sore?” a tiny smile stretches your face. he really does care about you and how you feel after everything. you know for a fact most other guys wouldn’t.

“i mean, yeah. you were... it was a lot, but i’ll be fine in a few days i think.” the mention of peter being a lot makes color rush to his face. you laugh quietly at that, cupping one of his cheeks that’s turning pink. “oh. i, um, i didn’t know that. sorry.” he smiles shyly as you smooth your thumb over his warm skin. “don’t be. it wasn’t as bad after i... adjusted a little,” you reassure him, making him lean into your palm.

“i really am sorry, y/n/n. can i make it up to you?” peter checks with you, eyes going up from yours to down your body. he hooks a finger in the waistband of your pajama shorts. “make you feel better?” the way he finishes his question with a bite of his lip is definitely tempting. so is your stomach yelling at you to put some food in it. you’ll have to wait.

“later. right now, you can make me breakfast,” you beam at him and take his hand. peter pushes his palm against yours, letting you lace your fingers together as he puffs some air out of his cheeks. “yeah, that’s gonna go well.” “i’m supervising. it will.” you capture his lips in a kiss, one he instantly reciprocates, free hand resting on your hip. just as it’s heating up, you break it.

“i’m hungry for actual food,” you giggle and roll out of his embrace. “ok, ok, ok. let’s go see what we have,” peter gives in with a chuckle, grabbing the same hand he was just holding and following you down to the kitchen.

he ends up popping some frozen waffles into the toaster, you sitting up on the counter with your phone out while he struggles through the different settings. “should i put it on bake? no, that doesn’t sound right,” he talks to himself with eyes squinted in concentration. “your dad made this thing so... detailed.” it’s an old stark industries toaster, one with options you probably don’t even need.

“yeah because he loves his toast, so maybe don’t break it. he’ll kill you or something,” you half playfully half seriously suggest. peter is one clumsy guy. he tsks at you and crouches down to read the words on the dial. there’s conveniently a setting for waffles, so he hits that one. he’s not sure how he hadn’t noticed it before.

since he’s down there, he takes one of your ankles in both hands and starts to kiss up your leg. it tickles when he gets to your knee, drawing a giggle out of you, but your phone still blocks his face. you’re doing it on purpose. “baby,” peter tries to get your attention in a soft voice. he presses a couple more kisses to your knee. you have to hold your breath so you don’t laugh again.

“baby girllll,” peter drags out, lips moving up your thigh. he nudges your phone with his nose much like a puppy would. “aye, i’m talkin’ to you here,” he says in a fake new york accent. you finally put it down next to you. “i’m listening.” you’re giving him a satisfied smile as he goes back to kissing you.

“just saying hi,” he looks up at you and moves your shorts aside while he kisses further and further to where you want. you scoot closer to him on the counter.

that’s when he stops. not only stops, gasps in horror. “what?” you ask quickly, his eyes fixed on your inner thighs. “i kind of, uh, marked you up. like, a lot.” he runs a finger gently over the bruised skin. you’re suddenly very aware of it now. it doesn’t exactly hurt, just feels bumpy and weird. you peer down at yourself to see the damage, eyes going wide.

“shit... they’re on my neck, too,” you remember, murmuring to him. you’ll have to cover these up before everyone gets home. worry flashes across peter’s face. “oh my god, i didn’t even realize. it- it was dark and you told me-“ “pete, it’s okay. it’s pretty hot,” you stop his rambling, reaching down and putting a hand on his shoulder. he frowns up at you.

“really? are you sure i didn’t go too far? because you can tell me.” you’ve always appreciated how much peter genuienly values your thoughts on things, in the bedroom and in other parts of your relationship. it does lead to a lot of second guessing, though. you squeeze his shoulder and let out a breath. “i’m sure, okay? it’s really not that serious. i’ll just change so no one can see.”

peter winds an arm around one of your legs, body relaxing ever so slightly under your touch. “okay.” he gives your thigh one final kiss, then rests his chin on it. “what about your neck?” “uh...” you hadn’t considered that yet. “makeup? a scarf?” you’ve seen enough tv to know neither of those work, but they’re your only options.

“yup. mr. stark is really gonna kill me now,” peter says under his breath, tensing up all over again. you furrow your eyebrows at him. “what? we’re literally grown adults, we can do whatever we want-“

tony claps loudly as he steps into the kitchen, announcing his return home. peter jumps up from between your legs faster than fast. he moves so he’s next to you, and you hop down from the counter.

“hello, daughter of mine. spider of man,” your dad greets you two, you pulling down your shorts with a plastered on smile. “or would it be man of spider?” he plucks an apple from the bowl on the table as he ponders his question. steve and wanda file into the room next. “second one,” peter replies, grinning a little too much to be normal. tony takes note of that.

wanda comes over to the fridge for a snack, which is close to where you and peter are. “how was last night?” you ask her to take the attention off you two. wanda settles on a yogurt and turns to you. “it was good. we shared a few hotel rooms, had our own party.” she glances over at peter, a knowing smirk playing on her lips. “seems like you two had a fun night of your own.”

peter’s mouth drops open. “how did you-“ he forgot she could read his mind and now knows everything that happened. you slap a hand over your forehead. “you couldn’t think about anything else? for, like, a minute?” you whisper yell at him. he uses his eyes to plead with you. “i’m sorry! i was looking at the hickeys-“ he realizes what he’s saying. “crap.”

shooting you a wink, wanda shuts the fridge and goes to join the rest of the team in the living room. lucky for you and peter, steve started lecturing tony about washing his fruit before he eats it. he didn’t hear any of that. there’s still the problem of your visible hickeys that you have zero seconds to hide.

“how the fuck am i supposed to cover these? they’re right in the center, peter!” you panic, your heart starting to race as peter fumbles for a dish towel. that’s the best he could come up with? “no!” you toss it back at him. he throws it on the counter with a pained look. tony and steve make their way over to you.

“oh, hush. a couple of deadly pesticides won’t shake me, stevey boy,” tony insists and takes another big bite of his apple. steve huffs in disapproval and crosses his arms. “you’re a big baby, tony. if you’re not gonna do the right thing, at least buy organic-“ with the world’s longest sigh, tony chucks his apple into the open garbage can.

“there. no more apple discourse.” steve shakes his head at your dad’s behavior. “that was a waste. you could’ve finished it.” “not with your nagging into my literal ear.” steve raises his hands in surrender before making his way out of the kitchen. tony side steps past him and over to you. “enough of that now. let’s have a welcome home hug from my girl.”

you share a look with peter, a look of pure fear that’s in both of your eyes. he’ll definitely notice the hickeys if he gets that close to you. he holds out his arms expectantly while peter scratches the back of his own neck. “sure, dad. welcome home.” an awkward smile on your lips, you bury your face in your dad’s chest and wrap your arms around him in one motion. this way, he didn’t have time to see you from too close up.

peter exhales in relief at the narrowly avoided disaster. that’s until tony makes a request. “missed me that much, kiddo, huh? come out of there.” “but, i’m so comfortable. i wanna stay like this,” you insist, a niceness to your voice tony immediately sees through. he drops his arms from around you, eyeing peter suspiciously, who averts his gaze to the floor.

“nuh uh, you did something. both of you,” your dad states, taking a step to stand between you and peter. peter gulps down a breath before speaking. “mr. stark, it was-“ tony holds up a hand. “don’t worry, kid. i’ll figure it out.”

he gives peter a proper stare, searching him for clues of some sort. it’s a good thing he isn’t wanda because the details of your night would have been exposed. he couldn’t find anything, so now it’s your turn. he’s a little disappointed you’re the one hiding something.

“oh, y/n. not you,” tony sighs as he gives you a looking over. he starts with your face, your eyes following down as his do. it’s when he gets just past your chin that he sees them. the little hickeys littering your skin, some already deep shades of purple. he rips off his glasses in disbelief.

“absolutely not.” he closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with the same hand his glasses are in. “i’m not seeing this. i’m not seeing this if i don’t look.” you scoff at his reaction. “dad, you know we’re together. you can’t expect us to not...” “don’t say it,” tony begs, getting the urge to hurl his half eaten apple. he turns and faces peter.

“parker, you really did all of that?” peter only blinks, nervously meeting the eyes of his mentor. “to my daughter?” tony adds on to scare him even more. “i- i-“ a burst of frustration comes out of peter. “you left two teenagers alone the whole night. what’d you think was gonna happen?” he’s shocked at his own words, his face showing it. tony raises his eyebrows. both your hands cover your mouth.

not wanting to deal with peter, tony addresses you instead. “i don’t care how you do it, cover those up. don’t let me see them ever again. understood?” you nod a good amount of times and reach for peter’s hand. he’s about to give it, then tony glares down at what’s happening. peter pulls back immediatelty. “understood. we’ll, um, do better next time,” you agree, tony winching at the idea of a next time.

“you, parker... treat a lady with a little more respect, eh?” tony clicks his tongue at him. he’s referring to all the hickeys. peter’s lips form a line, a sarcastic one that says oh well. “i tried, mr. stark, but y/n wanted me to-“ “christ, that’s enough.” tony furiously shakes his head and starts to walk away from you two. “never again!”

you’re thanking god when he sets off for the living room, you hiding your face in peter’s chest, his face in your hair. “that was terrible. that was the worst thing ever,” you say into him. “i’m sorry, baby. we gotta be more careful.”

it’s not over yet because then, the toaster dings. you’d completely forgotten about the waffles. you and peter both separate with your millionth shared look of terror. tony comes rushing back into the room, very familiar with that noise.

“first you destroy my daughter, now my toaster? pete... you’re in for it, kid.”

#tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #peter parker #marvel #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #tony stark

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alphabetbill · 3 years ago

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Bill Skarsgard Alphabet- Your relationship with Bill

Here’s a list from A-Z about what your relationship with Bill would be like.

A list of headcannons of what Bill x reader’s relationship.

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Note- If one of the letters is flagged with an asterixis * it means it is slightly suggestive or NSFW.

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A- Affection

Bill is actually quite affectionate with you, always preferring to have one arm around you shoulders when sitting on the couch together, holding your hand, quick kisses on the head, cheek and shoulder. Warm hugs from behind, with Bill resting his chin on your head. He likes to reassure himself by being in the comfort of your company, and it always feels so strange when he’s away from you filming on set. He likes to cuddle a lot when he wants to relax and unwind, because Bill is a pretty busy dude so whenever he can get the chance to sit back and rest with you, it’s usually on the bed taking a quick power nap before it’s back to it again.

B- Buying gifts

Bill isn’t really big on receiving big fancy gifts, because really, what would he need them for? You are the same. He does make sure to stop at each place on his press tours and pick out a souvenir to bring home to you. He also likes bringing home little props or souvenirs from set. You still have the little Pennywise teddy he got you sitting over on your desk. The little red pom-pom nose and the orange yarn fluffy hair is so adorable.

C- Comfort

When you are feeling down or sad, Bill can nearly always pick up on it straight away. He has a way with reading people’s emotions and then employing the method of comfort that would best suit the situation. If you want to talk, he will listen, and if you want to be left alone, he will do that, but not for too long.

He’ll check up on you every so often through the day just to make sure you’re okay. Bill’s warm, gigantic hugs and reassuring kisses always manage to make you feel a bit better. When it’s Bill whose feeling off, you let him talk. Bill isn’t the kind of guy to be able to keep things bottled up for a long period of time because it tends to make him feel tired and weighed down, and that’s not a fun time for either of you. You always listen to him when he vents everything he’s feeling, usually with his head in your lap and you playing with his hair or his hands.

D- Date

Bill would be a chill, relaxing type of guy when it comes to dates. He knows that you don’t want to be doing something big and exciting every single time, that would be tiring. He loves taking you out for dinner, but he loves making dinner for you and setting up a romantic little dinner date out on the porch or terrace, and surprising you. Often, dates between you two will be completely out of the blue. ‘Hey, want to go somewhere?’ ‘Hey lets go for a picnic by the beach’.

On the days when you guys do feel like doing something more adventurous, the zoo tends to be the fan favourite, and you also like to go skiing, and hiking to see new places and things.

E- Encouragement/Excitement

You are both very supportive of each other and your professions, so much so that as soon as the other person catches a whiff of success, you are there to celebrate with each other by any means. You and Bill like to hype each other up and get all excited when the other person gets excited, almost as if your happiness is conjoined. You are always excited for Bill’s new projects, and support him through it all the way up until it’s completed and ready for the world to see.

F- Fighting

Bill likes to avoid conflict, especially if it involves any kind of yelling and screaming at you, someone he loves. He doesn’t believe that yelling helps at all, infact it only makes matters worse, and instead of actually getting the other person to listen to them, it only makes them more mad and they keep on yelling when no one is actually listening. He doesn’t like yelling at you because it feels almost violent, and he doesn’t want to scare you into listening to him. He’s aware of how intimidating he looks when he’s mad. He encourages the both of you to instead sit down and talk about things maturely, talking about how he feels and why he feels that way, and always attentively listening to what you have to say as well. It’s important in the relationship that you have a sense of equality, that both go heard and your opinions both valued. From then on, depending on the severity of the argument, you move on to figure out the best solution to moving past it or around it.

G- Gestures

Bill is big on friendly, helpful little gestures to remind you that he loves you. You both like to leave little notes in places for each other to find, with quotes or reassurances written on them like ‘You can do this!’ ‘I love you!’ ‘You look amazing today’. It gives you guys a little confidence boost, because sometimes you both need it. In terms of physical gestures, Bill likes to hold your hand a lot of the time when you walk, almost as if you might wander off and get lost if he lets go. He also likes to buy you flowers. If he sees a bunch of flowers in the shop window from the corner of his eye, and he instantly thinks of you, he will buy them for you. You aren’t really sure what use you would have for flowers, but you absolutely admire the sweet gesture.

H- How you sleep

It’s no secret that Bill is a very tall and lanky person. Because of this, sometimes its hard for him to find just the right position to sleep it, however he has learned to adjust and adapt to any position or place to make it feel comfortable. He lays on his back a lot of the time and pulls you close to him, either tucked up beside him with your arm across his torso, or with your head on his chest or heart while he plays with your hair.

You both talk for hours, and will stay up until you fall asleep mid conversation. It’s funny when Bill will be talking, and he goes to ask you a question, and he finds you fast asleep beside him. ‘Seriously? Did you just fall asleep on me? Were you listening to any of that?”

I- Impression

When Bill was first introduced to you, he thought you were so gorgeous and beautiful, with that amazing smile and beautiful eyes. He is a bit nervous at the best of times, but you made him particularly nervous. He always was conscious over the way he spoke to you and how he appealed to you. He’s had a giant crush on you since the day he met you, and knew instantly that if he didn’t do something to make you his, he would never be the same.

Your impression of him was similar. You could not believe such a handsome guy was standing right there talking to you! He made you feel a bit self-conscious, and you couldn’t form a single coherent sentence in your mind without feeling overwhelmingly flushed by him standing next to you, or ‘accidentally’ brushing up against you.

J- Jokes

Are you and Bill a playful or more serious couple?

You two are able to maintain a healthy balance of both playful and serious. You like to tease each other a lot, particularly about the height difference, and Bill’s unholy inhuman tallness. You always joke to him about how secretly Bill must have been born in a zoo to a giraffe and then dropped in Sweden by accident.

You both know when to be serious though, and understand that not everything can be all fun and games. If someone isn’t feeling great, you can learn to adjust and turn the jokes down to make sure they are okay.

K- Kids

Bill would absolutely love to have kids with you, ideally two, not anywhere near as many as how many his parents had. He wants to be able to spread his fatherly love between children and make time for them both equally, and adore them as much as he adores you.

L- Love

What does Bill love the most about you?

Physically, Bill is in love with two things- your smile and your hair. Both of these things are the two things that he thinks are flawlessly, effortlessly perfect every single time he sees you, even if you wake up in the morning with a serious case of bedhead. But Bill loves everything about you, most of all how supportive you are, and how you are always there for him even if you don’t have to be.

M- Memory/moment

Your favourite memory of you and Bill together is how it felt when he kissed you for the first time. You remember all the tingling feelings, and how excited and nervous you were, but happy that this was finally happening.

Bill’s favourite memory is when you said yes to going out with him for the first time. He felt so accomplished and happy with himself, like if he could get the girl, he could do anything. He remembers feeling surprised that you said yes, and how scared he was that you would turn him down and tell him you weren’t interested in him in that way.

*N- Nudes

Usually, if you do send them, it’s when Bill is away in Toronto filming a movie and he’s missing you. You both tend to flirt over text more than you do in real life.

O- Optimist level

You and Bill are both optimistic and realistic. You can see both the good side of things and the bad.

P- Period

When you are on your period, Bill knows instantly that it’s gonna be a pretty crappy time for you, so he tries to make it as least crappy as possible. He has a basket of chocolate reserved just for you on the days when it’s bad, and stays home with you all day cuddling and watching movies. If you are in a significant amount of pain, he will do most practical things for you like house work. He’s very sweet and caring for you, running to the store to get products and shamelessly carrying them. Anything for you, he’s not embarrassed, he knows that it’s a normal thing and it should be normalized for boyfriends to buy their girlfriends products.

Q- Quality Time- how do you spend it?

You and Bill spend all the time you can possibly get with each other. All the time is quality time with you guys, and Bill makes time to set aside his work or script reading to spend time with you. He’s away for long periods of time, so he wants to make sure that he can spend enough time with you to make up for that, and make sure that you know he loves you.

R- Romantic- how much of a romantic are they?

Oh. Bill is romantic. He especially likes to wine and dine with you, making the whole setting perfect just for you. He manages to make everything romantic, everything he does, and you aren’t sure if he’s doing it on purpose or whether that’s just him as a person.

*S- Sex

You and Bill do it often, but its not seen as something at the top of importance between you. You prefer to spend time talking together and just enjoying each other’s company, rather than getting all physical. That kind of intimacy is done in the bedroom every couple of days or so, or really whenever you feel the need to. It’s important to also note that Bill is very respectful about it, and always makes sure that whatever he does you are comfortable with.

Anywhere outside the privacy of the bedroom for him always feels so awkward, and he likes both of you to be comfortable.

T- Trust

You trust Bill with your life, and he trusts you too. You feel safe opening up to him and telling him things that you normally wouldn’t tell people. You know that he would never cheat on you, and don’t get easily jealous by girls that he kisses or fake hooks up with in movies. You know that this is all staged and it is a part of acting, and always makes sure that Bill knows that it’s okay.

U- Understand

You and Bill understand each other very well. There are of course some things that you don’t get about each other, like why you like certain foods that do not go together, why you believe something, things like that. You think alike in terms of the way you look at life, and how you see the world. You feel like you guys just get each other, y’know?

V- Vulnerability

Bill is very open with you about how he feels, and you are to him as well. If he’s sad or upset he will tell you and talk about it. He isn’t afraid that crying will make him seem less of a man, and also doesn’t judge you when you cry around him. Bill is a sap and definitely cries in sad scenes of movies.

W- Wedding- What would your ideal wedding be?

Bill would want it to be fantastic and memorable, as I’m sure everyone would. His family and friends would be there and so would yours. It would be an outdoors wedding beneath the sunshine- provided it doesn’t rain. You would most likely go on a honeymoon to somewhere you have both always wanted to go, and it would be an amazing, relaxing get away.

*X- X-rated

Does Bill have any kinks?

Most likely no, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t down to try new things with you.

Y- Young and beautiful- how long will you guys last?

As far as Bill is concerned, you will have children, grandchildren, and get old together. You are gorgeous now, and you will always be gorgeous to him. He is big on committing to you, and you are to him.

Z- Zing!

How much excitement is there in your relationship?

You guys are always adapting and adjusting to Bill being away and all kinds of things that life might throw at you. It’s pretty exciting dating an actor, isn’t it?

The thrill of secrecy and not getting caught. You often like to make bets on who will be noticed in a crowd first, you or him?

Life is just full of wonders and mystery, and you can’t wait to explore more of those together!

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Note- I am aware that Skarsgard is supposed to be written with an accent on the last A, but I write these lists on my laptop and the keyboard does not have an option for that.

Thank you for reading! It took me a little while to put this A-Z list together and I would appreciate if you left a like, a comment or whatever you can to help me out.

Want to request a Bill Skarsgard A-Z list? With your own prompt, and your desired character?

Just click here and you will be taken to the explanation page.

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nightowlwriting · 3 years ago

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summary: steve is acting weird. avoiding you, being snippy and mean, leaving the room when you enter. all you want is your boyfriend back, but all he wants is to pretend you don't exist. when he's almost hurt on a mission, you do what you're made to do.

word count: 11k

reader specifics: no race/gender/sexuality/body type mentioned, no pronouns for reader used, powered!reader, insecure!reader

warnings: steve is mean to the reader in the beginning, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, canon-level violence, brief ptsd symptoms, slight description of blood, brief mention of racism in the '30s & '40s

brief mentions of: reader's parents being toxic, homelessness, past accidents, ableism in the past & present

note: this one hurt me lmfao. idk why this went the way it did but i'm not mad at it // also i am a queer, trans, disabled american. i have fundamental disagreements with things that marvel/the mcu as it stands for and some of the more nuanced things that you might not notice unless you're looking for it. this will take place in my writing because i cannot separate myself from the lens in which i consume/create content.

title credit: lil nas x

mobile masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3

Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his. Sure - he’s clever, righteous, courteous… You can’t forget he’s also drop-dead gorgeous because every trashy gossip magazine in a three-state radius of New York doesn’t let you forget. Neither does the sight of him waking up in your bed every morning. (Well, actually, maybe that would remind you if he was still fucking doing that.)

But lately, you’ve had to rely on the fucking tabloids to catch a glimpse of your super-hero boyfriend. The university class you had picked up on a whim at the end of the summer - Life & Times of the ‘30s and ‘40s - avoids any mention of Steve Rogers and the Howling Commandos. Not that your classmates do because, Christ on a bike, those magazines manage to catch pictures of you and Steve in moments that you don’t even remember. Plus, you’re an Avenger too. It’s bound to catch some attention when you waltz into a college classroom.

You’re sure if you were an undergrad trying to fill a gen-ed requirement and were sitting next to someone who could kill you without blinking but also dating Captain Rogers you’d be a little distracted too. You try not to blame your classmates too much, but they do make it hard to concentrate with their -really dating Captain America?- and -wonder if I could get an autograph- whispers. None of that matters because you’re learning, really studying, in between missions and missing Steve and believing that maybe the gossip reporters are right.

Maybe he’s forgotten about you.

You grit your teeth and push the thought away. It does you no good right now, while you’re training with Peter. He’s working his way up to bona fide missions and, because you’re the only one on the team who has experience with real-life teenagers outside of saving their lives, it’s up to you to get him to the level that he needs to be. Plus, the mission where he’s going to get his gills wet is just you, Tony, Steve, Nat, and Bucky. You’d much rather be the one to train him because you won’t traumatize him.

Right now, though, you’re just kicking his ass to try and get rid of some of the tension in your body. You feel a little bad about it, but when you started as his mentor you told him point-blank that you’d never go easy on him. That meant if you were having a bad day he either needed to up his game or he’d have a bad day too. It appears he’s taken that to heart as he struggles to dodge the hits you’re throwing his way. He lunges out of the way when you try to land a right hook but practically walks into the leg sweep that sends him crashing to the ground.

“Awe,” Peter groans, letting his guard down. You take the momentary lapse of focus to grab him by the collar of the hoodie he’s wearing and haul him to his feet, jerking one fist back to cold-clock him but he beats you to it. You hear the sound of your nose cracking before you feel it but then the pain rushes you all at once. You’ve had worse but coming from Peter, the move surprises you. You don’t yell out but he does when you push him away from you and call the fight off. Peter practically yelps your name, hands up by his head as he watches you bend at the waist, both hands over where your nose is absolutely gushing blood. “I am so sorry, I just reacted-!”

“It’s fine, Pete,” You shake your head and stand straight again, the blood beginning to leak through your fingers, “Just go get me a towel, okay?” Peter practically trips over his feet to get something for your nose and as you track him on his way into the locker rooms, you see Steve, Bucky, and Nat. The latter are looking your way, eyebrows raised like they’re asking you if you’re okay. Steve hasn’t even broken stride in his conversation so you wave them off with a bloody hand. Peter’s back in a flash, pressing a wet towel into your grasp and snapping you out of your self-pity party. “It was a good hit,” You compliment as you wipe your face off, “I just wasn’t expecting it. Prob’ly wouldn't have landed it if I had.”

He wrings his hands, shifting from foot to foot. “I’m sorry-”

“It’s a good thing, Peter, means you’re getting better.” You deadpan, checking to see if your nose has stopped bleeding yet, “I don’t think you actually broke it, but I’ll go down to medical to check later.” You do your best to clean up your hands with the wet towel, but it’s so soaked with your blood that it mostly just smears it around. You grimace and shake your head. “Well, I should go now before our sparring match ends up looking like I murdered you.”

“I’ll go with,” He offers, “I’m the one who broke your nose.” You let Peter walk you down to medical even though you were originally going to refuse. Perhaps petty, but it was the way that Steve didn’t even look your way as you left that made you let the teenager walk you the two floors to where you’d be able to clean yourself up. He hums in the elevator and you know that he wants to ask you something - it’s the way he holds his mouth when he’s prying for information or keeping a secret that tips you off. Finally, just before the elevator opens, you sigh and turn to him.

“What, Peter?” He grins but then it falls when he has to skitter after you down the hall. Maybe that’s why it falls - the question he asks next nearly sends you to your ass.

“Is everything okay with you and Captain Rogers?” He easily catches up to you when you stop in your tracks, ignoring that you’re still bleeding a little bit down your face and you might be dripping blood everywhere from where it’s run down your arms.

“What?” You do your best to look confused like everything is fine, but Peter is perceptive. He may fumble around and be pretty awkward, but those are really just teenager things that he’ll hopefully outgrow. You should have known that when someone caught onto how bad things are on your end, it would be Peter. (You wonder if Nat or Bucky has brought it up with Steve, considering he’s spent more time with them in the past week than he’s seen you in the past month.) “We’re fine.” Your words are stilted as you begin walking to the medical wing much faster than before.

“I just thought I’d ask, well, because I’ve sort of noticed… Something just seems off, you know? Like, you two used to spend a lot of time together, and maybe it’s the recon mission coming up, but I was just thinking that you two really barely look at each other even when you’re in the same -”

“Peter!” You say his name much louder than either of you expected and both of you jump. “Peter,” You say softer, looking at the glass door to the medical wing instead of him, “Just leave it, okay? It’s nothing you have to worry about, kid.” Peter ducks around to open the door, forcing you to look at him. “He’s just focused on his stuff and I’m focused on getting you whipped into shape for this mission. We only have two days.” Once you’re inside and surrounded by the medical crew Tony keeps on staff, he thankfully drops it. You love Peter, you do, but it’s a lot like having a little brother. You can only love them so much before you want to fucking strangle them. Eventually, as the doctor checks to make sure he hasn’t broken your nose, you have to order him away to go study or something. “I’ll join you later,” You promise him as the doctor prods at your tender flesh, “I have an essay due soon.”

That’s another thing that’s been bugging you that Peter surely picked up on. Nearly everybody knew you were taking a course at the local community college, but nobody knew what it was about. You’d wanted to keep it a secret until you told Steve, but the day you had registered he’d flown out for a two-week mission without telling you or saying goodbye. After that, you decided it didn’t really matter if anyone knew what class you were taking, and keeping it a secret sort of spiraled from there. If they wanted to know they could look it up. Maybe it was petty, but you just wanted the class to be over and done with so you could forget that you really only picked it up so you relate to your boyfriend more.

If you can even call Steve your boyfriend anymore. You’re not so sure where you stand and, honestly, you’re really close to giving up on the relationship as a whole but you can’t do that. Before you were dating, you were friends, and Steve… He never gave up on you. Not once. How could you repay him by giving up on your relationship? The one that you thought was The One? Even if it hurts, even if you’re unsure more than sure these days, how could you? Somewhere, though, you know you deserve better. You don’t deserve the sinking, dark feeling that lingers in your gut for most of your days now or the way that you second-guess every move you make - even in the field. It’s dangerous but you can’t do anything to fix it.

You’re too scared. You know that eventually, it will happen, he’ll break up with you, but you’d like to put that day off for as long as possible. To relish in the love he once had for you, how pure and powerful it was. You’re sure that you’ll never experience anything like that again.

Hell, you might never fall in love again.

Those thoughts don’t do anything to help you, though, so you try not to have them. You get clearance from the doctor and get cleaned up as much as you can without taking a full body shower. The idea to go back to your room and take one crosses your mind but you know that Steve’s probably done training, probably heading back for his own shower, and you don’t want to open that can of worms. Instead, you go to the common room and drop into the couch between Peter and Tony. They’re talking about something something science something something, but you pull your stack of books and notebooks out from the shelf underneath the coffee table and continue outlining your essay from where you left off. The assignment was focused on how the end of WW1 changed American life and then how life changed leading up to and during WW2 but that had hit a little too close to home for you, so you’re writing about the racial tension and overall racism of the times. Tony and Peter keep talking over your back and then you hear footsteps heading toward the common room.

You barely look up when they enter - Nat and Bucky - because it’s fine. It’s normal. They’re just two of Steve’s best friends, that’s all, nothing to be jumpy about. You don’t even register that emotional pain that hits when you realize that, yeah, you’re not one of his best friends anymore. You doubt you’re even considered a friend in his book.

You groan and lean back into the couch, bringing your study materials with you. Peter glances over, skimming over your page and a half of shorthand, and gags. “Jesus, can you write like a normal person?”

“Oh, sorry,” You say lazily, not looking up as you continue to scribble in your incomprehensible code, “I do forget that some of us had privacy at home.” You lift your lips just a little bit to let Peter know you’re kidding, looking up at him through your lashes as you slouch next to him. He looks red in the face. “Besides, once you have to start doing mission reports you’ll be begging me to learn my shorthand and use my stenography machine.”

“I keep telling you that I can update that ol’ thing,” Tony draws your attention. For the first time, you realize that Nat and Bucky are on the loveseat looking at you expectantly. Steve is standing in the corner over their shoulder reading a book from the bookshelf in front of him. His back is tense and he looks like he’s not reading, just listening. You force your eyes back to Tony on your right and shake your head.

“No, because then you’d know my shorthand and it makes me too happy to see you spend hours trying to decipher it.” His eyes wander to your essay again, trying to find any patterns that he can use to figure out what the hell you’re writing on anything ever. He’s opening his mouth to make a smart-ass remark that will no doubt lift some of the weight off of your shoulders when another voice speaks up.

“Wow,” Steve doesn’t even look at you even as he says your name sardonically, “Way to be a team player.” Your mind comes to a screeching halt, trying to figure out what the fuck he’s playing at. Even Bucky and Nat look surprised at the cold way he spoke to you, Tony and Peter both gasping from your side. You can’t say anything, throat tight and burning with tears as you stare at your boyfriend with raised eyebrows. What do you say to that? How do you respond? You know it wasn’t a joke because he’s not laughing, not smiling, not even looking up from that fucking book in his hands. You can’t tell if you’re more hurt or embarrassed, but either way, you don’t want to stick around for someone to get the nerve to say something.

Instead of replying, you slam your textbooks shut and bundle everything into your arms. You doubt Steve even notices that you’re making such a hasty retreat but if he does, he doesn’t say a fucking thing. You feel like you’re in high school - practically running through an empty hallway with your notebooks and textbooks pressed to your chest, trying not to cry. It’s ridiculous. You’re a trained assassin, you’re an Avenger, you are strong and powerful and yet… And yet. You’ve given so much of your heart and soul to Steve Rogers that he can knock you down eight pegs without even trying. Without even looking at you. You can’t wait to go on this fucking recon mission, where you can put all of your focus on making sure Peter is doing okay and gathering the intel. Where you can stop thinking about how easily Steve Rogers seems to be pushing you to the side.

You spend the next two days writing your essay, ignoring almost everyone, and working on your essay. On the day of the recon mission, you’re running out the door for your eight a.m lecture, printed essay in hand, and reminding Tony that he promised to pick you up on campus after class for the mission.

You’re lucky that you went, too. You hadn’t counted on the professor making everyone stand up and tell the class the subject of their essays - didn’t realize that it would be twenty-five percent of the grade on the paper. You’ll never understand college professors and the weird shit they do, but the class is informative and entertaining. He goes around the room, starting on the opposite side of you, so you’ll be last. Great.

Several students did their papers on the propaganda of the time, one student was brave and did her essay on the ethical dilemma of the super-soldier serum and eugenics, and most of the other students focused on pop culture and how it changed. When your professor looks at you it’s almost like he’s expecting you to have done nothing but fawn over Steve and Bucky, considering you know them personally. He looks surprised when you clear your throat, stand and say: “I focused on the casual and institutional racism that faced non-white Americans at the time.” You almost preen when he looks impressed and then the shame fills you. It’s just… You want Steve to be proud of you. You want him to congratulate you on going back to school, even if it’s just for one class. You want him to be happy and surprised that he was the inspiration for taking the class.

Though, lately, the class has been more for you than for him. You like learning new things, pushing the boundaries of assignments, making people uncomfortable with the truth of the times you’re studying as told to you by two people who lived it. It’s nice. Normal.

Everyone needs a little bit of normal.

But, honestly, normal is fucking boring. By the time your class is over and you’re handing in your essay it’s like ants are crawling over your skin. A combination of nerves from the upcoming mission, a head full of fog from whatever is happening with Steve, and a little bit of fear at the thought of taking Peter into the field has you bolting for the door the moment your essay is taken from you. You’d worn your tac-suit underneath a pair of baggy sweats and a loose hoodie, so you don’t even bother slowing down as you head toward the car that Tony has waiting for you. He’s in the front seat, grinning at you from underneath his aviators and Peter is driving.

You slip into the backseat without thinking or looking at who’s there, tossing your bag in the back and peeling your hoodie off. “God, Tone, we’re goin’ to die before we even get to the mission with Petey driving.” You toss your hoodie back to join your bag and finally see who’s sitting next to you.

Of course, it’s Steve. He’s looking at you - but not really. He’s looking through you, like he can’t stand that you’re both crammed in the backseat of Tony’s electric car. His gaze catches you and holds you in place. Everything around you goes cold and fuzzy, making you miss Peter’s indignant complaining that he has his license so he should be able to drive… And then Steve scoffs and looks out his window, ignoring you. It stings but you have a job to do. You make some witty retort back to Peter, but it falls flat as you struggle out of your sweats. This is what life is, you think. Relationships aren’t meant to be forever - you learned that at a young age.

Until your accident at fifteen, you had watched your parents run out of helium, their relationship expanding and cooling in arguments, in days spent not talking, in trips to your grandparents without the other, in passive-aggressive computer searches for divorce attorneys left open for anyone to see. Then, after you were trapped between those machines - after you spent hour after agonizing hour with electricity pressing between your atoms, being torn apart and rebuilt as a young god - after that day you watched them expand against each other before the neutron core of their relationship collapsed on itself and the resulting supernova sent you to the streets. But then Fury found you. Then Tony, then Nat, then Steve.

Your parents exploded out from each other and the shockwaves ruined your life. At least now, your relationship with Steve is ending silently. There’s no explosion, no collapse, no rapid expansion to take over your cosmos. Your relationship with Steve is simply approaching the event horizon, where it will hang in the air until one of you takes the final step and you both become frozen, two collapsing objects on opposite sides of the universe. Maybe that’s what you already are. You feel so far away from him in the back of Tony’s car - like he’s eons and light-years away from you - and you feel so cold. Frozen, down to the bone. It makes you stiff in your replies to Tony and Peter, slow on the uptake when the car pulls up to the quinjet, nearing stasis and unable to respond when Nat asks if you’re okay.

Finally, you turn to look at her, nodding. “Fine,” You clear your throat, “Been a rough day.” You do your best to smile at her, but your face feels heavy. Your chest feels cold and tight, making you worry about your performance on the upcoming mission. When Peter shakes his head next to you, discreetly telling Nat not to press, you’re focused on Steve and the electricity humming in the most base part of your body.

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. You turn away and force yourself to smile, throwing a weak and numb arm over Peter’s shoulders. “Are you ready for this, Pete?” You jostle him back and forth, leading him toward the sitting area behind the cockpit. “Gonna get your ass kicked?”

“Please,” He shoves you off, nervously laughing, “Not with the skills you’ve taught me.” He mimics throwing webs, making hissing noises under his breath, and you bark out a laugh, shaking your head.

“You’re payin’ my medical bills when I have to save your ass, Spidey.” You shake your head and strap in next to the wall, Peter taking the seat to your right. Tony, from the aisle across from you, points a thick finger your way.

“You don’t pay medical bills anymore,” He waggles his finger, “So you’ll just have to make him do your homework for a week.”

“Mister Stark!”

“He’ll have to earn shorthand to do your essays,” Nat chimes in from between Bucky and Steve, who are both doing their best to not look at you - or anyone really. “You willing to share that with him?”

You lean back in your seat and jab at Peter with your elbow. “Hell no, so I guess Spider-Boy better do his best.” The arachnid in question grumbles, crossing his arms and slouching in his seat.

“No pressure, right?” He complains, “Not like I’m already nervous or anything.”

“You’ll do fine, kid,” Bucky pipes up, drawing your eyes back to Steve, “It’s goin’ to be a cakewalk.”

“Don’t jinx it, Barnes,” You warn half-heartedly, tucking in on yourself, “We need this to be easy.” From the look on his face - everyone’s face, really - you know that they heard you loud and clear when you were really saying I need this to be easy.

After an uneasy laugh from Bucky, a claustrophobic silence settles over you all as the jet begins to take off. You’re in for an hour ride and plan to spend it going over battle plans with Peter when harsh whispering catches your ear. It’s Bucky and Steve nearly crushing Nat between them until she gets up and sits across from Peter, rolling her eyes. Still, you try your best to run him through the actions you both had planned - the names, the setups you needed to execute them, everything. If something happens to Peter, you’ll never forgive yourself.

And then, cutting through your soft promptings to Peter and his equally soft replies, Bucky’s voice. “Leave it, Steve. Until after this mission.” Even Tony looks up from his tablet, curiosity piqued. Their faces are both red, set hard and angry at each other and your stomach drops. What the hell is going on that Steve ‘Till The End Of The Line Rogers is fighting with Bucky You And Me, Pal Barnes? You must shift, or lean too far into Steve’s eyesight, because for the first time in what feels like years he is looking directly at you - and seeing you, too. It makes your pulse jump and, almost instinctively, you want to reach out and ground yourself on the rubber of the seat underneath you.

You don’t get the chance, though, because Steve speaks. “No, why should I? This is clearly affecting the team.” He’s still looking - glaring - at you like you’ve done something wrong. “What’s the point of waiting? I’ve been waiting to talk about this.”

“Bo, I don’t think this is the time,” Bucky looks over his shoulder at you, then, and you know what’s coming. You know that it’s time, that Steve is about to break up with you in front of your teammates. Your friends. Your family. You steel yourself for the anguish you’re about to feel and then jerk your chin out, hardening your resolve.

“Buck, it’s fine. If Steve wants to address something, he can.”

Natasha says your name, a low warning over the hum of the quinjet. “I think he should wait.”

“Well, I’m not goin’ to wait!” Steve unbuckles himself and stands, “I have tried waiting, and look at where that has gotten me.” He puts his hands on his hips and puffs out a breath. You unbuckle and stand, too, unsure of where this is going. “You need to,” He holds one hand out, pointing at you while his voice shakes. You notice his hand is shaking, too, but fractionally. If you didn’t know Steve as well as you do you may have never noticed it. “You need to get it together.”

“I need to get it together?” You question, eyebrows nearly hitting the ceiling with how fast they shoot up. You’re not totally sure you’ve heard him right because what do you have to get together? The broken shards of your relationship? The information and research for your final paper? The awful way you’ve let yourself be treated for what seems like forever?

“You heard me,” Steve says, at the same time Bucky leans his head back and groans deep in his chest. “What? Someone had to say it.”

“We should wait for this,” Nat speaks up again, but lifelessly. She knows now that you and Steve are both on the warpath, neither of you are going to stop. (That’s also why the two of you work together as a couple so well. Very rarely are you both so worked up about something that you can’t back down, so the other is always there to meet you halfway and get you back to earth.)

“No, no, no,” You say, near hysterically, “No, he wants to do this now? Before a mission? Instead of the fuckin’ weeks we had to hash whatever crawled up his ass and died out? Be my guest. He’s already dragged everyone into this by treating me like a pariah.” You’re not sneering, but your teeth are gritted so tightly together you can hear them scraping and feel a tension headache beginning to bloom in your temples. Bucky looks… Almost incredulous at your statement. Like putting the blame on Steve is a dick move or something.

“Oh, so I’m the bad guy here?” Steve is curling his lip, glaring at you. There’s something behind his eyes, but he’s buried it so deep that you can’t reach it and figure out what it is. “I’m the bad guy, right. Right, right, right.” He scoffs, shakes his head, and then he’s running his fingers through his hair like he really can’t believe what you’re saying to him.

“Well, what else am I supposed to think?” You throw your hands out to the side and let them slap back down on your thighs. “You ignore me, you make me feel like shit, you talk down to me like I’m some insignificant foot soldier. How else am I supposed to take that, Steve?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe ask me what’s wrong? Maybe ask me why I’m acting like this, instead of ignoring all of your problems like a child?” He mirrors your moments, but the sound his hands make when they hit the outside of his suit is more powerful than yours. Fueled by anger, you think. Anger and whatever the hell was in the serum Erskine pumped into Steve.

“Ask you?” You repeat, near-hysterical, “Ask you? Oh yeah, let me get right on that. Hey, Mister Rogers? Mister Captain America? Mister Ignores-His-Partner-For-God-Knows-Why? Hey, just why are you doin’ that?” You’re surprised that you’ve said something so snotty, but you don’t back down. (Steve looks surprised, too, and Bucky has stood up next to his friend like he’s about to start berating you as well. At least he looks more cautious about it, like he’s not totally sure that this fight should be happening.)

The more surprising part of your fight is how fast it’s shut down. Tony and Nat stand at the same time and exchange a glance like they’ve surprised each other. “That’s enough,” Tony starts.

Nat cuts him off. “I don’t care if you fight this one out instead of talking, but if you do it before this recon mission you two are going to blow it. Do you understand me?” She looks dangerous, the sharp edge of a knife spiraling through the air. You force yourself to look away from her, from Tony, from Bucky, from Steve. She’s right. You know she’s right - especially on this mission. Peter is there, going to be in real danger even though there’s not supposed to be one Hydra agent in a four-mile radius. You have to clear your mind and focus on protecting him.

Steve seems to think the same thing because he stands down. When you watch him collapse in on himself, Bucky’s arms around his shoulders, into the little quinjet seats your everything aches. Heart, lungs, eyes - everything. Even though you don’t know what’s going on, what could have possibly happened to make your relationship sink this quickly and out of the blue, you still love him. He’s still The One for you. You still want to be the one to comfort him and make him feel whole when he’s struggling.

But you can’t. You can’t and it kills you.

The heat of battle makes a lot of things fade into the background. Important things like why the fuck are there Hydra agents here? and Steve is going to break up with you when you get back on the jet and Tony swore on the fucking limited edition AC/DC vintage tour poster he has in his office that this would be an easy in/easy out information mission. None of that matters, though, because you’re in deep shit. There are seventeen of them, all primed to the teeth with weapons made to take your team down permanently.

You’re practically glued to Peter, calling out commands and plans for him to initiate. It’s when all of your plans fall through that you take a hit from a heavy fist on purpose, hitting the ground hard. “Plan F, Spidey, Plan F!” You cover the instruction with a groan and then you’re back on your feet, working your way toward him.

“Plan F?” Tony says, somewhere above you in his suit. Your comms crackle ominously as another heat-seeking grenade is launched, interfering with the radio waves your tech relies on. You don’t worry about it, because you know Tony is on it. He’s your eyes in the sky.

Peter is the one who answers his question, watching your close hand-to-hand tilt out of your favor briefly. “Plan Fuck It, Mister Stark.” He grunts as he webs up a Hydra agent, jerking him away from where he was about to slip a knife up and under Natasha’s kevlar. You finally drop the guy in front of you, ignoring Steve’s disappointed Language! and toss one of your knives toward Nat for her to use. Tony is still laughing in your ear, wheezing as he drops down and snags the rifle from one of the snipers and then takes back off.

What your little protégé failed to mention about Plan F is that it’s not just chaos, but controlled chaos. You let loose, letting a soft current cover every inch of your skin as Peter switches to his conductive webbing and takes special care to not web any of his allies. Except for you - if you’re in the way and he catches you in a web it doesn’t matter because you’re you, alive with electricity that drops the men that get caught in the web, too. You rip out of the webs and turn the current off when one of your teammates gets too close.

More Hydra agents are pouring out of the woods, topping out their numbers around twenty-five. That’s twenty-five too many in your opinion, especially when you can see Peter getting tired, his anxiety spiking, his moves having more and more hesitation behind them. You need to get this over with quickly, but you don’t have the options to do that. Steve, Bucky, and Nat are really the heavy-hitters - you, Pete, and Tony are the only ones without serums despite all of your individual abilities. Desperately you reach out for a web that’s still connected to Peter’s arms, pulling him out of the way of a baton that’s about to come down on the back of his neck.

The baton the agent is wielding glints in the coming dusk, freezing you as Peter scrambles past you with a quick apology. You’ve seen that before - seen it, felt it, know it like the back of your hand. There’s no way that you could ever forget that weapon. The man stumbles when his hit doesn’t connect but then rights himself and searches for a new target.

A long, black baton that splits into two prongs at the end is heavy in his hand. Electricity crackles between the bulbs at the end, flashing in the setting sun and your memories. The man only has one, but if it was hooked up to a machine, spinning. If there were four, five, six. If you were pinned between them, screaming in the pain as they rewrote your DNA… You’ve only felt it once, but you’ll never forget it.

And now, you’ll taste it again. On purpose this time. The man holding the stun baton is going for Steve’s back - his strong back, the one that protects people, the one that holds the weight of the world, the one that lays in your bed, the one you see whipping out of rooms as you’re entering just so that he doesn’t have to look at you - and you can’t let that happen. It only takes ten amps to kill a regular human, but you know those things are cranked up to twenty minimum. You don’t want to see how many amps of current it will take to stop Steve’s heart. You’re between the baton and Steve before you can think about what you’re doing or what comes next, the hard bulbs settling unyielding into your side and cranking out maximum power for maximum damage as soon as the current is connected and able to flow from one bulb to the other.

The pain hits you and your throat catches on it. It burns through your body, setting everything on fire - your chest hurts as your heart protests the electrons and then your powers kick in, sweeping them into your very atoms and cells. You’re a live wire now, ears humming and body thrumming with power you’ve only dreamed of. It hurts, and it burns, and you feel tears rising in your eyes because you’re back there - back begging for death or for life or for God and god at the same time - but then it’s over. The man sees that you’re not seizing up, not dropping dead in front of him, and he takes three steps back.

It’s not far enough.

You’ve only felt like this once before - right after you were unhooked from the machine that changed your life and brought you to your new family. You remember how you looked when you were put in front of a mirror with all of the pent up electricity circling your body - how your eyes were filled to the brim and dripping with bright and blue electricity, the way it was jumping across your body, how you didn’t need to breathe because your body was fully saturated with pure, unadulterated power. You wonder if you look like that now and assume you do because you can see the bright blue reflecting in the terrified eyes of the Hydra agent.

Your suit, unlike everyone else’s, is not grounded. It’s metal, metal, metal. You’re made to conduct, born for it, and the earth beneath you comes alive with bright white as you release all of the energy, the power, surges down and out. You’re practiced. You can reach out and feel the synapses and neurons of every human being in the clearing, know exactly where your teammates are standing, and know exactly how to target everything but them and the pitiful amount of electricity their brains carry. You grin, something truly feral and unhinged, and you can see the fear in the Hydra agent. Then, you let go.

You know that everyone is going to be pissed. (Maybe not everyone.) You’re not built for this, not made to take down nearly twenty fucking people at once. As you let go, you feel what they feel. The seizing muscles, the stopping of their hearts, the inside of their bodies crisping against their bones. At that moment, that delicious moment, you see the universe.

You become God. You become everything - your mother and your father and God and god and anyone else who’s watching your life from the ether. You become the judge, jury, and executioner of souls that you don’t know from Adam. You become lightning, and thunder, and exposed nerves of the cosmos at the same time. The world bends to your will and you relish in it, taking that power in your fist and wielding it to protect the man you’ll love for the rest of your life and the family that you’ve made. You will stop at nothing to end this, even if it means turning yourself inside out to do it.

You damn near do turn yourself inside out too, but that doesn’t matter, does it? The blood spilling from your ears, nose, and eyes feels like heaven. It’s hot, and thick, and it’s proof of the power that your body holds. You’re a temple and a sanctuary, a war-room and a bunker, a field of flowers and a sun-dry desert. It does not matter if Steve doesn’t love you at that moment, because you are love and hate wrapped into one package. You are everything and nothing, spread thin at the beginning and the end of time.

And then none of that is true. You are just… You. Standing in a clearing, surrounded by twenty-something dead Hydra agents and your terrified, terrified family. It hurts to breathe and you can taste blood in your mouth, but that’s an afterthought. Steve is still standing behind you, but he is alive. That is what matters.

This is what love is, you think.

Pain and pleasure.

Even if he leaves you, you will always love him.

Pain and pleasure.

You’re weak at the knees when he finally turns to see you - and you’re a sight. Struggling to stand, fingertips blackened with soot but not burnt, blood pouring from your nose, ears, eyes… You look like death, but you feel like life. Someone says something behind you - Peter, maybe? Or maybe Tony, in your comms? - but you don’t hear it. Everything tunnels out, your weak knees finally collapsing as you keel backward.

Steve bears down upon you almost immediately. You’re halfway to unconsciousness when he wraps you up in his arms, keeping you from falling in with the pile of bodies around you. He’s saying your name, harsh and soft and then in a voice like he’s ordering you to wake up. You loll about as he drops you down onto a patch of clear grass, hands searching your body for wounds. When he skims over your side, where the baton has burnt through your suit and your flesh, you surge back toward being able to have cohesive thoughts. The pain brings you back, hands wrapping around Steve’s arm and calling out his name. “Steve! Fuck, that hurts!”

“Honey,” He breathes, “Fuck, we have to get you back to the jet.” His jaw ticks, hair dirty and loose from its normal style. “Why’d you do that?” Steve doesn’t wait for an answer from you, ordering Peter to web something up to carry you over your protests.

“I’m fine,” You argue, only slurring slightly, “I feel fine.” But you’re going to let Nat and Bucky load you up on the webbed stretcher anyway because it’s the first time Steve has cared for you in a long time. You want to relish in this moment, the way that he didn't say your name but called you honey.

Well, and because Natasha slides a thumb across her neck over Steve’s shoulder in a silent threat.

You groan when Bucky accidentally grabs your calf where there is an absolutely awful stab wound, but you wave off his apology. “How could you have known?” To be honest, you hadn’t even known it was there until his Vibranium hand was slipping against it and sending shockwaves of pain through you. Peter is next to you the whole time that you’re being carried back to the jet - Tony staying back to begin scanning the bodies of the Hydra agents for the information you need and any other information they may be carrying. The poor kid is nearly at a breakdown, so you reach out to him and shake his arm when his fingers twine with yours. “Chill out, kid, I don’t know how you got it into your head that this is your fault, but it sure isn’t.” He sniffles, but hands back with Steve as Bucky and Nat get you situated in the small medical room of the jet. They transfer you and then make to leave, only Bucky hesitating near the door.

“Stevie’s goin’ to be here soon and… I don’t know what made you do what you did but you have’t explain it to him. He’s bendin’ over backwards to figure it out, and we don’t have’a clue. Came out’a nowhere.” He looks at you for another moment before shaking his head and stepping out of the room. Your head is spinning, partially from what Bucky just said and partially from the pain and stimulus of electricity. You wait there, then, because this is it. This is the event horizon. You wait there, eyes closed, until you hear footsteps approach the med room, and then the door slowly opens. Steve says your name, holding all the finality and weight of an atomic bomb. You don’t open your eyes until he swings a chair next to the stretcher and lays a hand on your calf.

“You don’t have to do this,” You finally say, pushing yourself up onto your elbows to watch him. “I know that you don’t want to.” Steve only scoffs and begins to wash the stab wound using a packet of soap and a water bottle. You say his name twice before he looks at you, something between hate and hurt curdling into a glaze over his eyes that stops you in your tracks.

“Just let me do this. It is the least that you can do.” His words are painful and stilted, like it’s taking force to push them past his teeth. You lay back down and close your eyes, content to just feel the pain of Steve beginning to stitch you up and then dress the wound before you feel the pain of Steve leaving you like you knew he always would. (Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his.)

When he’s done he sits back and puts his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. He heaves a heavy sigh and then shakes it off, “I’ll dress your burn, and then we’ll talk.” And normally, yes, you would agree but this is too important. You want to get it over with so you can lick your wounds metaphorically and dress them literally - and then you want to go home, you want to pack your bags, and you want to disappear and remake your life somewhere else.

Some far-off place where everyone you know won’t take one look at your face and know that you’re still painfully, deeply in love with Steve Rogers, end of your semester be damned. Family you’ve made be damned. You can’t sit around and be in love with him like a neon sign on a dark highway while it’s painfully clear that he hasn’t had a sign on his highway in a long time.

So instead of agreeing, you swing your legs over the stretcher and swallow your flinch when the burn pulls tight. Steve opens his mouth to argue but you give him a tight-lipped shake of your head and his jaw snaps shut. “No,” You say, voice not giving in to the emotion swirling in your chest. “I have let this go on long enough.”

It’s the wrong thing to say because Steve fucking scoffs again and looks away from you. “One day was long enough.” He says, cutting straight to your core. Okay, ouch. You take a deep breath and shake your head to try and bite back the tears that are inevitably rising in your eyes. If one day was long enough for him to realize he doesn’t want to be with you, why did he let it go on for nearly a full year? Why did he spend so long leading you on, pulling you by a thread before garroting your heart with it? What was the point?

“If you want to leave me, just say that,” You reply harshly, standing and wobbling away from him. He just watches you go, watches the way you struggle past the lead weights your muscles have become, the way you’re starting to feel the stab wound on your leg, the way the skin on your burn is beginning to blister and only just now losing its heat. He just watches you, where the Steve that loved you once upon a time might have helped. You turn your back on him, hands on your hips so that you can hide the way that you’re crying and your hands are shaking.

“If I want to leave you? If?” He says. You hear the scrape of his chair as he stands, “I think after what you’ve done, it’s not an if, sweetheart.” The way he says it tastes like iron. Steve never calls you sweetheart like he never calls you by your name. It’s always honey, lover, dovie. You don’t turn to face him because you’re struggling to keep yourself above water. “I spent so long thinkin’, wonderin’, askin’ myself - God damnit, will you look at me?” You turn slowly, not because you’ve never heard Steve speak like that but because his voice is desperate and raw. When you turn, you’re not sure what to expect. Maybe him, standing in front of you, broad-shouldered and disappointed like in those PSA’s he had to film once. Maybe he’d be angry, hands clenched at his sides and eyes narrowed like he gets in meetings when he doesn’t agree with something but he’s out-voted. But you never expect to see him crying, lip wobbling, folded in on himself like a young boy instead of the strong, invincible man you’ve come to love.

He looks so different.

It hits you, then, that you’re not looking at Steve Rogers. Not really. He's not Steve Rogers, not Captain America, not even Captain Rogers. You see him as he was - before America spat it’s untruths all over him and injected him with a serum that changed who he was, is, will be. He’s not the able-bodied man that you know, not strong and unreachable, not the heartthrob that overshadows the team during press events. He’s not America’s Darling, not really. Not where it counts.

You’re looking at Stevie Rogers. Stevie Rogers who, for all intents and purposes, was supposed to die before he made it out of toddlerhood or soon thereafter. Stevie Rogers who the doctors said wasn’t supposed to survive. Stevie Rogers who grew up sickly, rattling painful breaths and never playing ball with the neighborhood boys. Who couldn’t walk until middle school when he got his braces off. Who never had a partner because Bucky, strong and handsome and tall Bucky, was always deemed the better option. Who believed in his country so much that he tried to sneak into the second world war, subjected himself to a painful medical procedure so that he could change his very DNA to be what the world wanted him to be.

Captain Steve Rogers. Captain America. Strong, blond, patriotic, resilient.

You’re sure that if men don’t want to go to therapy now, in the modern age, they certainly didn’t want to go in the ‘40s. So where did that leave Steve, your Steve, standing in front of you and looking small, and broken, and sad, and alone? Did they expect him to take his new, taller, working body and run with it? Did they not think about how he would lose a part of himself in the process? How did they expect him to go from disabled to abled without some disconnect?

You think about the You That You Were Before and the You That You Are Now, and how you lost a part of yourself when the accident gave you your powers and how you’d lose yourself if someone figured out a way to take them away. You Before formed your identity around being normal - living in a shitty home with shitty parents, sure, but normal - and You Now form your identity around your powers, your team, your job, your love. If you lost those things, what did you have left? Who would you be?

When Steve lost his identity and became everything that America wanted everyone to think that America was, what did he have left? Sure, he could tell himself that he represents America - strong and patriotic and just - but it must have conflicted with everything he knew about himself before that. You know that disabled people now know that American society is unjust, unfit for them with abled people not willing to make room to allow them to thrive. You can only imagine what it was really like for Steve in the ‘20s and ‘30s and ‘40s. What he had to do just to survive. (Medical experimentation, you remind yourself. Did they know it wouldn’t kill him? Did they know his body wouldn’t rip itself apart with the new sinewy muscle they were packing on? Did they care? Or was he just a body they saw as broken? A project to fix? To turn him into something more like them and call it patriotism?)

You shake your head at him, still filled with despair, and try to figure out what he’s talking about. “Stevie,” You start, pet name easily replacing what you had been calling him because it’s not fair to shoe-horn him into a body that doesn’t feel like his own. You wonder if he still expects the bone-grinding pain that he used to tell you would happen when it rains. He raises a hand, a strong and family hand, shaking his head.

“I just need to know why I wasn’t enough for you,” Steve looks sad, slouching in on himself like he’s expecting to get his ass handed to him in another alleyway and hope Bucky is there to save him. “I need to know why you wouldn’t just break up with me if you wanted to see other people so badly.” You suck in a shocked breath because, okay, that’s not what you were expecting. Between that and the paradigm shift you’ve had on how Steve must view his identity, body, and self, you’re stunned. Steve continues like he doesn’t even register that you look shocked and pale and now you’re crying because he thinks you’re cheating on him? “And I get it. I get it. You have no idea how much I understand. If I were you, I wouldn’t want me either, okay?”

You cut him off there because what the actual God damn fuck is he talking about? “No, Stevie, I’m not cheating on you.” You shake your head again and this, your statement, lights a fire in him. He still looks like Stevie rather than Steve, but there’s anger there. You imagine that’s what it might have looked like moments before he got himself in trouble back before he was serumed. “I’m not.”

“Oh, yeah?” He challenges, jaw ticking and chin jerking up, “Oh, yeah? You can’t lie to me. I know, okay? The act is up, it’s over, I know, okay? You can stop pretending.”

“Steve, I do not fucking know what you’re talking about but I”m not cheating on you!” You raise your voice, not really angry but more out of necessity. You need to get it out of his head that he is anything less than everything you want - that you could possibly love anyone more than you love him.

“I wanted to clarify something for you,” Steve says like he’s reading an old script from when he was just a beefy, red/white/blue stage prop for the American military, “I am excited to meet with you, but there are some rules. Do not talk about Captain Steve Rogers. I don’t want to hear about him,” As he continues to recite something that has clearly hurt him, you go lax. You know exactly what’s happened - your fists unclench, your jaw drops a little bit, and it feels like someone has gutted you, “I think it is wise to keep work and pleasure separate, and it’s a rule I will enforce heavily. I look forward to seeing you again.” He’s sneering at the end, tears falling down his ruddy cheeks.

“Steve,” You try again, but he cuts you off.

“Am I just work for you?” His voice is shaking more than you thought possible, and so are his hands. You’ve never seen Steve so off-kilter, so thrown, and it breaks your heart that yes, technically, you’re the cause of this. Before this, before this horrible misunderstanding, your relationship with Steve was the paragon of trust so neither of you cared if the other read emails or texts. You remember the email - the email from your fucking college professor - because it had made you so angry that he’d referred to your relationship with Steve as something as simple and base as just pleasure - like you could even put words to the galaxy of a relationship you had with Steve - that you’d gone to the gym to work off some of that irritation. You hadn’t wanted to take it out on anyone accidentally. When you came back from the gym, Steve was gone on that two-week mission that he’d left on without saying goodbye.

Oh, God. You feel sick to your stomach as the paradigm of the way that Steve’s been treating you shifts violently to the left. You have to physically hold yourself up and try to speak past the lump in your throat. Steve looks… Brokenly smug. Like he knows he’s right, but he’d rather gnaw his own legs off than be right.

“No,” You croak, “No, Steve, you’ve got it all wrong.” You want to reach for him, but it feels like the room is closing in on you. You’re second-guessing everything now - especially what you’ve just said. How many people said the exact same thing to him pre-serum because they said something meant for Bucky to him? How many times did he hear that when he was getting a new diagnosis, hoping for the best? How many times had his own mother said it to him when he told her something someone had said, fresh-faced and not yet used to the way that abled people sometimes treated disabled people? You think you might be sick. “That email was from my professor, Steve. I’m not cheating on you, I’d never.” He laughs darkly and sits back down in his chair, head in his hands again. You try to gather the strength to move toward him when you see his shoulders shaking, a telltale sign that he’s crying.

“A professor,” He says with a watery laugh, “Right.”

Finally, you realize that he needs you, needs to know you love him, that you’d do anything for him. You can iron out the kinks later - figure out why he didn’t want to come to talk to you past the original hurt, why he treated you so coldly, why he didn’t trust that you wouldn’t do this to him - but now, you need to show him that you’re here. That you choose him. That you’ll always choose him.

You make your way to him and set a shaking hand on his shoulder. For a brief second you think he’s going to shake you off but then Steve’s hand shoots up and latches onto where your hand is resting, dipping his head to press against your arm. “Stevie, please,” You say, unsure of what you’re asking him to do, “I picked up a class, just one, and it’s… I picked it up for you, it’s about the ‘30s and ‘40s and…” He looks up at you and he looks so broken - face ruddy and wet with tears, lip wobbling, chest heaving as he tries to not sob. His brows are knit and he looks confused, “I just wanted to be able to understand you better. You had to leave so much of yourself at the door when you joined the Avengers, had to leave so much of yourself in the ice… In Erskine’s lab… Stevie, I just wanted you to be able to be you when you’re with me. I wanted to know the you that you were before you became Captain America.” Your voice is shaking, knees knocking together, and honestly? You feel like you might blackout.

“What?” He rasps, “What?”

“He sent that email because too many kids signed up for his class thinking that they’d be able to look at pictures of you and Buck for a semester. Emailed me directly because he knows we’re…” You choke on your words, shaking your head because you’re not even sure there’s a we anymore, “Because he knows I’m on the team. Didn’t want me walking in and making his class about just a few years in the ‘30s and ‘40s rather than the culture of the time.” You don’t know how else to explain it to him, but Steve isn’t saying anything - practically isn’t moving or breathing- so you continue to try and explain what’s really happening as best as you can, “And - and that email made me so angry because he singled me out, didn’t email anyone else about it, and I left to try and work some of that out; I didn’t want to take it out on you, or let it spoil - let it spoil… But when I came back from the gym, you were gone. You were gone for two weeks and I didn’t know why.” You’re crying harder now and pretty sure that within the next sixty seconds you’re going to collapse if you don’t sit down.

Steve shakes his head, still looking like he doesn’t understand. “What?” He says for a third time, “A class? A college class?”

“I just wanted to feel closer to you,” You confess, “Just wanted to understand a fraction of your life without making you do the heavy liftin’ and teachin’ me. Shouldn’t have’t do that,” You’re sobbing, barely biting out your words as you realize that something you’ve done to strengthen your relationship with Steve has destroyed it, “Shouldn’t have to explain a whole different time just to feel loved, Stevie. Should be able to be with someone who understands without you havin’ to explain.” You’re not sure you can say Peggy’s name out loud, and you hope he understands what you’re saying without making you actually say it, “Should’a been able to have love with someone who knew, and I know I’m nothin’ compared to what you should’a had, but I want to be. I want to be in the same ballpark instead’a watchin’ from the stands.” You wipe your face with your free hand and look away from Steve when he stands in front of you. You don’t want to see the look on his face - what he’s thinking about what you’ve said.

He says your name and you glance at him, but his expression stops him in your tracks. Where Steve looked broken and hurt and fuming with anger to hide the anguish, now he looks stricken. You shake your head, “No, no. I didn’t say that to make you feel guilty-”

“You think that I care about whether or not you can understand the ‘40s?” He cuts you off, hands moving to curl around your biceps, “You think that I care whether or not you can relate to a time in history when you weren’t even thought of?”

“Of course I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, but you shouldn’t have to not care, Steve,” You argue, shaking your head, “That’s what I’m trying to say. You should be with someone who understands without explanation. I just wanted to give that to you - didn’t know that this would happen.”

“I should be with someone who loves me,” He argues back, “If you love me, that’s all that matters. My past be damned.”

“But your past is you!” You try to pull away from Steve, but he anchors you there. You’re dizzy from being so close to him after this long, but also because of how many different twists this situation has taken. You can barely keep up with how bad your communication with Steve has become - barely keep up with how you need to fix it, or how to fix it. “Your past is you,” You repeat when you realize that Steve isn’t going to let you go. “And you shouldn’t have to give that up so that someone will love you.”

“But you love me,” He says desperately, ducking his head so that he’s nearly nose to nose with you, “You love me, right?”

“More than anything,” You say, closing your eyes and relishing in the feeling of being so close to Steve, “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks, or anyone else. I’ll even stop goin’ to class if you want me to - Steve, I just can’t do this anymore. Can’t do this thing where you don’t talk to me about what’s botherin’ you.” You’re choking up, barely whispering, but you know he hears you. YOu can feel his warm breath on your face, “Nearly fuckin’ killed me.”

“I thought it was goin’ to be easier,” He breathes, nose bumping yours, “When you eventually decided to leave me for him. Thought I was savin’ myself some trouble.” You can practically taste his tears as they fall again, “Buck and Nat tried to tell me that you weren’t - that you wouldn’t - but I just couldn’t believe them.”

When you open your eyes, his are closed. This close to him you can see the soft freckles that are blooming over his eyelids, his soft eyelashes kissing his cheekbones. You can feel him breathing, feel him nearly pressed against you in a way that feels hauntingly nostalgic and terrifyingly fleeting; like you’ll be able to feel his warmth for years to come, but he’s about to disappear. “That’s okay,” You finally whisper, “It’s okay that you didn’t believe them. That you thought what you thought. It’s okay.” He shakes his head against yours, opening his mouth to protest, but you refuse to let him feel guilty about feeling this way - you have plenty of time to sit him down and talk to him candidly about the way he acted because of these feelings, anyway. “If I would have been in your place I’m not sure I would have believed them.”

“I treated you so badly…” He shifts and wraps his arms around you. It’s almost immediate - you relax into his arms and wind yours around his waist, keeping him pulled against you as he presses his face into your neck and you press your cheek against his chest. “So awfully.”

“We’ll talk about that, okay? But later. Right now you just need to know that I love you, Steve. I love you more than I can tell you - more than I can express.” You want to kiss him, but you can’t. Can’t kiss him, you need to wait for him to kiss you, for him to close that gap and show you that he still loves you like you love him. “We’ll have to have a talk, a long and hard conversation about this, Stevie, but for now… For now, I’m just content to be with you, okay? MIssed you so much.”

He sighs, nose pressing against yours again. “Missed you too, dovie. Missed you more than I can even say,” His voice breaks as his lips brush yours. Your relationship is not without its flaws and problems - Steve’s actions when he thought you were cheating on him are proof of that and, well, the fact that you didn’t realize what was happening, why it was happening, or a large part of your boyfriend’s psychological makeup having an impact on your relationship while it went unknown by you… There is a lot of work for the two of you to do, a lot of work to do, a lot of communication to be done… But you’d do it all for Steve, over and over again.

When he presses forward and presses his lips gently to yours, you know that he’ll do it all for you, over and over again, too.

#steve rogers imagine #steve rogers/reader #steve rogers x reader #marvel imagine #mcu imagine

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depressed-deranged-clown · 1 year ago

Text

This is gonna be fun to write down. Get ready for some angst regarding Anya. But it’s okay, there shall be fluff afterwards.

Anya’s childhood

As we can probably guess, her family was greatly affected by the war and that is the initial reason why she decided to join WISE

Her mother was nice and she remembers the times when she would take care of Anya when she was sick or couldn’t sleep

Her father was not as kind and more cold and distant but her mother tried to make up for it by being extra kind towards Anya

One day her mother knew a fight between herself and the father was going to happen and she didn’t want Anya watching it (Anya was around eight at this time)

So she told Anya that they were gonna play hide and seek but she would have to hide outside the apartment but on the block they lived on

This wasn’t the first time this was asked of her so she knew what was gonna happen but she followed instructions anyway

It was just her luck that that day, a bomb dropped in her neighborhood

She was hiding in a bomb shelter nearby that they built in the neighborhood, but there was no one else there due to the sudden bomb drop with no warning

She waited until the ringing in her ears went away before exiting the shelter

She tried to run to her home before she noticed it was just a pile of rubble

It was then that someone came up behind her and asked where her family was

She simply answered by pointing towards the rubble

As the person tries to comfort the child, she starts blabbering through her tears about how this wouldn’t happen if there was peace and how she wants peace so greatly

Anya ends up passing out while crying

When she wakes up, she’s in an unfamiliar place with some people shouting at each other outside the room she’s in

They are saying things like “why did you bring a kid back with you?” “what was I supposed to do, leave her there?” “no, but you could’ve taken her to an orphanage” “they are all so full already. do you think they will be willing to take yet another child? some are even kicking kids out because they have too many mouths to feed”

The yelling makes her start crying again and the person who comforted her earlier comes back in and does such a thing again

Once she’s calm they explain how she shouldn’t even be there, how where they are is top secret

Anya says how she can keep a secret

They laugh and say how kids like her should only see good things

She says how she isn’t a kid anymore

Which prompts the person to ask if she wants to be the youngest recruit to WISE

She learns how to change every aspect about her to look like, sound like, and act like an entirely different person

When she has a forged identity, she usually can afford small mistakes she makes at times

And with the clumsiness that she shows, it makes people let down there gaurd

Cause how could this clumsy girl be a spy?

Anya and Damian’s day to day life

Damian knows that Becky and Anya are friends though he doesn’t know how they met

Becky always seems like an interesting person to Damian

She works at a repair shop that specializes in radios, televisions, and phones though he’s never seen her repair anything firsthand

She also seems to have a fling every week that she’s talking about to Anya (actually just her speaking in code… most of the time)

But in regards of Damian and Anya

Anya told Damian that Loid is her child and her husband died a few years ago but wanted his son to go to Eden and have a good life

Damian thinks that he might be taking advantage of this family simply by being there and using them as a cover of sorts so like canon Yor he also feels like an outsider

He is smart and tries to help Loid with his homework though he doesn’t need it

But it’s also been a decent time since he was taught it and how are you supposed to explain to a child how to divide? As for the normal adult it’s either too hard to divide or you do it automatically

It ends up with Loid saying how he’ll just work in it in his room

Damian feels a bit of a failure of a father which leads to Anya having to say to him that it’s okay as she herself is going through this for the first time and even she doesn’t know what to do most of the time

Anya is decent at cooking so she does most of the cooking at home

Damian grew up a bit pampered where he didn’t have to worry about getting ingredients for food and he probably didn’t even step foot in a grocery store until he himself became an adult

He can’t cook though he does insist Anya let’s him cook

He once almost set fire to the kitchen just by boiling water for pasta

They ended up having take out that night

But it’s fine that he doesn’t cook

Damian is pretty good at cleaning

He’s a clean freak because of the killing and also because he grew up in a home with maids and butlers so he is used to a clean area living space

Getting Stella stars is still a priority so that Loid would look more appealing to be a friend with the imperial scholars so Anya is still a bit strict when it comes to Loid’s grades

It leads to a conversation where Damian does tell her that she doesn’t have to put so much pressure on him for his grades, he’s doing his best and they should be glad that he seems to understand it for the most part

Damian wasn’t loved for most of his life, so suddenly being in this family where he should be loving, it was hard at first

He definitely has a growing moment at first where Anya had to run out for a moment and asked him to watch over Loid

Loid trips over something and scrapes his knee and starts crying

Damian puts a bandage over it but Loid is still crying

He doesn’t know what else to do, so he holds Loid against his chest to simply cry it out

It works better then he thought and realizes that hugging Loid makes him happy as well

So yes, Loid does get hugs

Anya also gives Loid a lot of affection to be the regular doting mother (hugs, kisses on the forehead, reading a bedtime story once in a while, etc.)

Despite involving Loid in this mission and introducing him to dangers, she still believes that he should have a good childhood and have good experiences with her for as long as they may be in a family together

And like every kid, there are moments where Loid gets upset at Anya and yells at her before later on feeling extremely upset and going back to apologize

But in the moments between yelling and apologizing, Anya feels like she completely failed that wish of hers and how she might be making things worse for Loid because she has a mission

I’m these moments Damian has to muster up as much courage as he can just to say that she isn’t a bad parent and that Loid thinks so too and how all children are like this (probably)

Anya then thanks him and he gets all flustered and says something like “yeah well, I didn’t say it to make you feel better” though he totally did

And with their flirt fighting

At first it was simple small arguments that ended with them staring at the other for perhaps a bit too long

Then it evolves into playful fighting

Such as “you kept the eggs on the stove for too long” “says the guy who almost burnt the kitchen down with water”

But then Anya starts realizing Damian’s actions when someone pays him a compliment or does something nice for him

So she starts teasing him at times and he gets all flustered and she finds it adorable amusing

When he can’t take it anymore he walks up to her and gets very close and gives her a single compliment

It make her turn bright red and she stammers and can’t speak for a while (which is odd because you’re Starlight for Pete’s sake, you’ve seduced countless men. how are you getting flustered over simply a few words?)

They are honestly so cute and I love it.

So,

This is literally for no one but me but I don’t really mind much.

This is a hell of a post for my first actual one that isn’t a reblog, but here you go.

My interests switch every other month at least but I’m really invested in Spy X Family rn and for the past six months. And while scrolling through tumblr today I found the Spy X Family swap AU. So I wanted to put my own thoughts down for anybody to look at and comment as they please. Enjoy :)

The beginning of the mission

Code name: Agent Starlight

Specialty: Disguises, infiltrations, cons

Despite how clumsy she is, she is the best spy from Westalis

Her clumsiness actually helps her in her missions sometimes by leading people into a false sense of security

Sometimes it leads to a setback

But she always gets the job done

That leads her to her current mission: infiltrate the prestigious Eden Academy to get close to Donovan Desmond, a man so suspicious of others he is almost a complete recluse

This leads to her needing a child to have a way in

Her disguise for this mission: Anya Forger, loving mother and wife and hardworking psychiatrist

She goes to a really sketchy orphanage to get a kid for the mission

When she said she wanted a smart child, the director lead her to a boy playing by himself with a small penguin plushie

This young boy’s name is Loid

He’s a telepath

He reads Anya’s mind and is able to find out she’s a spy fairly quickly

But though that interests him, he just wants a family

He (like canon Anya) is obsessed with the show Spy Wars once he sees it but not because spies are cool, but because his mama is a spy and he wants to understand her job and her thoughts better

Loid (like canon) is still really smart and perceptive, but he’s also a child so Anya isn’t able to make sense of everything he does and everything he does isn’t calculated but more of a spur of the moment thing

Of course there has to be that one moment where Loid reads Anya’s mind where she thinks, Basic diplomacy states that understand the other party is the first step to peace.

And Loid hears this (thinking, understanding me means world peace?) so he stands as tall as he can and says “I really like to eat strawberries. But broccoli is gross. Oooo! Bacon from bacon-ries!!”

“I’m sure you means bakeries, and sadly they don’t sell bacon” Anya replies, leading Loid to continue on their shopping trip

Getting into Eden

Anya goes to her best friend and coworker Becky Blackwell to get a copy of the test to get into Eden

Becky specializes with electronics and gadgets but she is able to get information when needed

Anya makes Loud memorize the answers to the best of his ability (which is better than she expected and it makes her pretty proud)

On the actual test, though Loid memorized it all, all the other kids and their panicked thoughts overwhelm him

He does pass (are we surprised) but barely due to the fact that he couldn’t differentiate his own thoughts from others at times

Then Anya received the letter detailing the second part of the admission

There has to be an interview with both parents. No exception.

And as Loid states “but there is no papa”

The next day, Anya calls Becky over and dresses her up to look like a man

Doesn’t work (Loid: I don’t want this papa)

Becky gives her stacks of papers of any single man in the area who Anya could possibly marry, but at least half of them had some crime to their name and she needs a husband with a flawless record

She and Loid later go to the tailor shop nearby simply because they needed some air and because they both needed some outfits for the interview (if they could even find a man willing to marry her to go to the interview with)

Then enters Damian Desmond

He had to go to the tailor shop because the night before he ripped the pants to his only nice outfit while on his main job

Name: Damian Desmond

Job: civil servant

Actual job: Assassin

Code name: Nightshade (named that due to his tendency to use daggers covered with poison)

He became an assassin do to wanting to make the world a better place where children wouldn’t have to be neglected or taken advantage of like he had in the past

His older brother called him the day previous cause he heard Damian promised some people at work that he was going to go to a party of one of his coworkers with his girlfriend

He doesn’t actually have one and hasn’t dated anyone his whole life so his brother truly was happy to hear he was bringing a date

Upon seeing Anya he was ready to ask if she wanted to pretend to be his girlfriend when Loud ran up to her

He thought in his head, of course she would be married. How despicable am I, ready to ask a married woman to date me just because she’s beautiful?

Loid, hearing Damian’s thoughts, decides to put on the show of a life time

He tugs slightly on Damian’s pant leg asking “are you going to be my papa?”

Anya goes wide eyed and lifts up Loid saying, “it’s rude to ask people to be your father”

He sniffles in response, fake tears welling in his eyes as he speaks “but there is no papa”

Damian perks up “you aren’t here with your husband”

Anya puts Loid down again. “No, my husband died a while ago so it’s just me and my son now”

Damian and Anya have a talk and decide to help each other

Anya then last minute has to go on a little side mission and arrives late to the party with the classic “I’m Damian’s wife” “I asked for a girlfriend, not a wife”

And it leads to them deciding to just stick to that cover story and living together

Damian of course is like canon and goes total tsundere whenever Anya shows affection because of her mission and when she wants to

I have so many ideas with the tests and the interview but I’ll leave that out for now cause this is already very long and I’m not done

Just know that they did pass

Honestly just give me an episode (I haven’t read most of the chapters of the manga so please no spoilers past what is also shown in the anime) and I’ll change it to this AU with pleasure

#I would love that fic btw #my brain loves explaining itself to people so this is so enjoyable to me too #I’m glad the dopamine decides that this is worthy enough for it’s presence #I got busy earlier today #so I’m writing this at four am #hopefully there’s not many mistakes #and I answered all these questions #if I missed one tell me #spy x family #sxf au #spy x family swap au #eden academy au

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