#his flabbers have been gasted

[ever-growing-system]

UTsans: NO???????

DRsans: HELL NO?????

curly mouthwashing is like if sans undertale had flesh send post

[badnewswhatsleft]

HI I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT U ARE A *BLESSING* FOR SAVING THE BRISTOW CONCERT VID, THANK U SO MUCH!!!

ofc no worries im so glad it came in useful!!💗

[riririnnnn]

Noa really gasted all my flabbers.

Before this chapter (278), I knew that he is the World's Best Striker, but after this chapter (278), I can see why he is the World's Best Striker. He is literally him. It's like looking at some kind of genius mastermind of some sort. The "Instead of assisting my teammates to win 1-0, it feels better to pull off a hat trick and lose 3-4" makes so, so much more sense now!

I won't lie, till now, his character did seem pretty bland to me—just some dude established as someone at the top of the game who was, in the end, going to adopt the protagonist in some way and then the sappy ending of student winning over the mentor.

Oh boy was I wrong.

The curveball he just threw at me, hurled me outta this universe. And just like in Loki's case, I feel like a fool once again since I have misunderstood Noa's whole character.

Firstly:

You know how some things just stand out for no reasons at all? Like, it's a trivial thing, but it just keeps on silently scratching the back of your head—the above panel happened to be that exact thing for me. My dumb ahh was really thinking, "Tf they talking about?" when I first saw this panel.

Before this small exchange, Noa was taking about how there are two philosophies in BM—and it depicted Kaiser and Isagi in the opposite of eachother—and this is exactly when, according to me, the whole Kaiser Vs Isagi rivalry's roots got firmly cemented. Yes, I do understand this rivalry started when Kaiser grabbed Isagi by his chin, but hear me out, okay?

You see this thing above?

Yes. Exactly.

We were told that BM's basic principle is Logic and Rationality, and considering Noa's personality, one can assume that Blue Lock-ers in this team would've been coerced into following this motto too, but Noa didn't do remotely anything like that. In fact, in all the other NEL teams, the coaches low-key molded the Blue Lock-ers to their respective mottos whereas Noa remained hands-off throughout everything—one of the main reasons why the majority of the Fandom considered him the worst coach in NEL.

But, well, I used to use this (above) reason to defend him—that he isn't tampering with Blue Lockers' originalities by letting them do things on their own accords just like Ego used to do.

Keyword: I used to.

Because I really don't know what to feel now that I've a whole different perspective in my hands—look at this:

These are Kaiser's words.

Kaiser was, in a way, already competing against Noa in BM, and now Isagi was added into the equation too which made him more hostile. I mean, instead of disregarding the rather, comparatively, un-rational philosophy of the Blue Lock-ers, Noa was accepting it and giving it room to grow! And if this philosophy won, then Kaiser (not in a literal sense) would be wiped off of the team! Further, it also seems like a small jab of, "You think you are the shit? Then prove yourself." which Kaiser was able to sense, and that's why, I think, he asked, "Are you testing me?"

Secondly:

LMFAO LAVINHO'S FACE! THIS IS MY FAV PANEL OF HIM!

I highly admired Noa for never stepping in the field until and unless the opposite team's coach had stepped in. It used to be my favourite argument for defending Noa's coaching ability. And just like my previous point, I can't look at this the same way anymore.

Of course, he isn't wrong—the coaches stepping in definitely throws off the balance in the field. But, well, if the power dynamics shift too abruptly and too much, it would tip off Kaiser and that'd ruin Noa's plan for the NEL—it would also tip off Isagi which would also ruin Noa's plan for the NEL.

So, in short and straightforward words, he always stepped in the field for the sake of himself and not for the sake of younger players in his team.

Thirdly:

This convo happened after Shidou's goal—PxG's first goal in their match with BM.

Right after these words left Loki's mouth, Noa went out to make changes in the positions of BM—he went out to suggest things and all just like an actual coach would do. And though this panel stood out to me in an odd way, I also remember finding it so damn hilarious for him, seemingly, being threatened by a mere 17 year old—I was actually going to make fun of him for this when this chapter (253) came out, but then I guess I chose to do otherwise.

I think it's because before this chapter (253) dropped, I was going to make a wholesome post about the possible relation between Noa and Loki since they are from the same national team—some kind of Father-Son relation. But then the I saw their convo and felt embarrassed, and probably decided to not talk about them till more of their story got revealed.

Now their convo makes a lot of sense in a different way.

And lastly:

I remember being caught so off guard by this. Like, till that point, Noa had never ever talked regarding Kaiser in such a way—it nearly felt as if he were rooting for him, and I found it so sweet that I even included it here.

But now that we have a bigger picture, it doesn't seem that much sweet to me anymore.

I can't understand how I dismissed his poker face in the (above) panel as simply his usual emotionless self when it clearly looks like he isn't surprised at all—like he knew what was unfolding in front of him beforehand, like he was expecting it and.. he was quite literally expecting it, didn't he?

All this time I thought that Loki was the sneakiest about his personal goals in NEL meanwhile Noa was two steps ahead from the start.

[stitchyblogs]

my curse is that i keep falling in love with peacock shows that a) people forgot they have a subscription to, or b) keep getting cancelled- but if you DO have peacock and you want 20+ recs hit a stitchy up, yooooo

NUMBER ONE please watch The Resort. It’s about love and grief and going on a magical realism vacation in the mayan riviera and playing detective on some missing teen’s old ass pre smartphone cell phone 🤳🏼🌴

(definitely serves as a stand alone miniseries, but i’d love more)

Look at this cast and tell me you’re not like “ohh.” THE RESORT. NOW.

2!!!! WE ARE LADY PARTS

a comedy about a British punk rock band named Lady Parts, which consists entirely of Muslim women. One of whom is obsessed with Don McLean, which speaks di-fucking-rectly to teenage stitchy

threeeeee is BRILLIANT MINDS, the medical drama show i would make if you held me hostage. I would say “there are too many doctor shows already!!!” And youd’d say, “make one anyway!!! I have a weapon!!” But this doctor show is Special. It’s based on the work and character of neurologist Oliver Sacks, who i’ve been fascinated by since doing the opera adaption of The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat in college (brag). It’s kinda like if House had old school Quantum Leap levels of empathy and 🏳️‍🌈

gif by @pedro-reed THIS SHOW IS LIKE A HUG. Did i MENTION mandy patinkin cameo that rocked my world??? Btw???!

shuttup i fucking loved the treasure of foggy mountain. Its number 4. i said what i said

FIVE! Speaking of films on peacock, you know Conclave is on there right? RIGHT?! It’s the Mean Girls of pope movies. It’s everything to me, a cradle catholic who thinks canon Jesus was pretty lit, its the fandom I can’t gel with. And Ralph Fiennes has to care for his dead boss’s army of turtles need i say more

Okay back to tv series… MR MERCEDES! It’s stephen king doing some hardboiled detective shit that only baaaarely steps out of reality. Like. One toe. One and a half. Shout out to all my Brendan Gleeson fuckers, i know you’re out there.

Everyone else… You might not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.

are we on 7? We’re on 7. It’s MRS DAVIS. Betty Gilpin is a nun raised by shady Las Vegas magicians who is Hot For Jesus and on a mission to destroy Artificial Intelligence and her mommy issues. My flabbers were gasted by this perfection.

(Complete narrative btw!)

EIGHT. Do you love Stephanie Hsu??? Do you enjoy Nahnatchka Khan’s other work? Check out LAID. A sex comedy that is very preposterous and if we do not get a s2 I will be haunted forever. my Number 1 nepo baby Zosia Mamet is also here and she is not playing around

NINE is a total left field premise. Claudia O’Doherty and Craig Robinson go into business hunting exotic pythons for cash. This might be the peak hustle culture show about a Tenuous Job. I have never touched a snake in my life and i’m gripping my guts from laughing like “so tru bestie!!”

TEN is a P.S.A. Friends, i need you to know Peacock has some golden oldies. Is Little House On The Prairie your show when you’re sick on the couch? Did you dad raise you on old Quantum Leap? Have you been meaning to meet my best friend Mr. Detective Columbo!? They are HERE!

awoooo!! 11 is WOLF LIKE ME. Josh Gad is an american dad living in australia for some illusive reason… idk… anyway his daughter has a serious anxiety disorder he is carefully managing, and uhhhhh guess what his new girlfriend Isla Fisher is a werewolf. LET GIRLS BE MONSTERS.

Uhm i think I’m gonna have to stop here and re blog to add more. Too many images! 😅

[monstersdownthepath]

It really is a pity, if I'm being honest. If you told someone who had never dove into Pathfinder's lore that Golarion has its own version of the Joker and that he was an extremely powerful devil whose job and entire purpose for existence, specifically, is "conquer Golarion," this hypothetical person would probably have their flabbers gasted if you told them he has never been the Big Bad in an AP or even so much as a Module.

This guy

is Asmodeus' most trusted agent for the purpose of conquering Golarion, arguably THE most important planet in all of creation for Asmodeus to have total dominion over due to it containing Rovagug.

And yet, scarcely a mention in any book not specifically about fiendish divinities! One of the scant bits of lore about him (in Council of Thieves: Infernal Syndrome, pg. 89) tells of when his trickery was reversed upon him, while his second largest scattering of lore (throughout Rule of Fear) reveals him as the secret patron of a clown school, with his most fervent follower being a mime, who work to gather enough blackmail material to secretly control a whole city from the shadows.

NOT including him in more material feels like leaving proverbial money on the table, if you ask me.

[3thirtyonethirtyone1]

Writing Through Life

SMAU

Jonathan Bailey x writer!male reader

SUMMARY: In which, Jonathan fully commits to being in a relationship someone who makes stuff up for a living.

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‼️All the pics are not mine ( thank God for Pinterest).

❗ English is NOT my first language so be kind.

❗Every interaction is (sadly) purely fictional.

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iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants ✓

♥ 1.005.437 🗨️104.513

👤: fred.hechinger, pedropascalispunk, josephquinn

iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants A little throwback to my week spent on the set of 'Gladiator 2' . It was my first experience as a screenwriter on a project of such dimension and given the positive feedback I think I lived up to the expectations Ridley Scott set me when he proposed to me this idea.

The first two pictures are the reason why you shouldn't let your phone unsupervised at the same table with Pedro Pascal and Paul Mescal (Joseph and Fred are innocent in this instance), while the last picture represents Pedro's reaction when I told him he doesn't look "bonita" when he twirled in his gladiator costume.

comments

user1: we all say "thank you Y/N" in unison. the first picture does something to me ngl

user2: just saw the movie and my flabbers were gasted

josephquinn ✓: it's a shame you don't like such nice pictures...

→ iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants ✓: it's a shame that I hadn't written a (more) brutal death for Geta

→ josephquinn ✓: for someone who's dating a british man, you seem quite hateful of the british people

→ iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants ✓: The only brit piece I allow in my life is Jonathan

→ jbayleaf ✓: 🥰🥰🥰

luxpascal_ ✓: 💋

→ iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants ✓: 💋💋

pascalispunk ✓: I don't need your confirmation to know I rocked my twirls

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iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants ✓

♥ 139.790 🗨️15.687

iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants Happy New Year, everyone!! In 2025 I'm planning to:

1. Finally put together the second book in the "Lawmakers" Trilogy whose name I'm going to keep to myself until further notice.

2. To finally finish my PhD thesis, even if its presentation is scheduled in 2026, on Jonny's birthday out of all days.

3. To make the last touches to my newest novel "You made me feel important when you bit me" , which will come out on the 22nd of August.

comments

user3: OMG!! we're in the same boat. i'm writing my thesis too

→ iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants ✓: What's the topic??

→ user3: something about economic law

→ iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants ✓: Good luck. I had my first masters in that. I hated every minute of it

→ user3: noooo 😭

user4: what's your topic?

→ iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants ✓: The Evolution of Legal Thought in Ancient Rome: A Study of Law and Society Through Cicero’s Works

→ user5: sounds nice ☺️

→ iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants ✓: Trust me, it doesn't.

kuangrf ✓: Have you read Katabasis yet?

→ iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants ✓: I didn't, but Jonathan did.

→ jbayleaf ✓: It was amazing.

→ kuangrf ✓: Thank you, Jonathan. At least one of the Bailey-L/N men read it.

→ user4: Why are they arguing?

→ iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants ✓: We're not. It's just the way our friendship works.

→ kuangrf : Are we friends? 😅

→ iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants: Girl, I know where you live. (💚 you)

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iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants ✓

♥ 154.321 🗨️5.686

👤: yourbff, misskathleenglasgow

iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants I've been asked in my DMs (Yes, I read them) how I manage to jump from project to project without getting tired and/or burnt out. The truth is that I don't jump from project to project. I take a three month break after every demanding task I finish. In those three months I either read something lighter than what I usually read. I was recommended Girl in Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow by Y/BFF who told me I'd like it, but I was a little hesitant, especially because she reads romance and fantasy, which aren't my go-to genres.

If I get bored of reading books 16 year old Y/N would have read (non-derogatory) Y/BFF kindly and consensually drags me to her workshop and let's me watch her doing her magic, until I have to actually paint.

And if I don't feel like painting, I usually go on walks around London. No matter how strong my dislike of british culture is, I won't deny that London streets are very pretty.

I won't allow commenting on this post (besides Jonathan's) because I don't want to turn it into a warzone of (unrequested) opinions and recommendations.

comments

jbayleaf ✓: ❤️❤️❤️

liked by iwriteonnapkinsat_restaurants

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jbayleaf ✓ posted to stories

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The End

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[rose-tries-to-write]

Things I’ve learned about Danny Phantom after finally watching it as a person who avoided watching it for months and read fanfiction instead. 👍🏻✨

Spoiler warning, just in case!

They call themselves the Phandom. (Super cute, I love it, 10/10)

Everything, and I mean Absolutely Everything I’ve learned, is a fucking Lie. (Not fun. I have to rewrite my entire understanding. I feel betrayed. Offended. Gobsmacked. My flabbers are mf gasted. -5/10)

The show is actually really funny. (I enjoyed my experience. 9/10)

Fuck Phantom Planet. (What the fuck was that shit? Um, rewind, redo, no thx, give me back the ghostie boy please. I genuinely didn’t even finish the episode, I got to where he un-died and had to turn it off. I refuse to watch it now. 0/10)

The Phandom was right to steal canon and make it our bitch. (Trans Danny? More Dani/Ellie screen time? Actual plot and lore for the show? Actual in-depth thought to ghosts and their culture? Um, yes please. 1000/10)

Frostbite actually is a doctor. (I don’t know why, but I thought it was another thing the Phandom made up. Love to see it, 10/10)

Wes Weston deserves his own episode. (What do you mean he doesn’t actually exist. What do you mean I don’t get my LGBTQ+ undertones. This is homophobic /j. -10/10)

How do you tell when a ghost is intangible, invisible, or both?? (The show doesn’t have a differentiator between the two, so I’m always confused if people can just see him floating through walls. 3/10)

Guys in White literally do nothing but be annoying. (Another case of the Phandom Lying to us. I love it though, they make really good antagonists. 7/10)

The Fentons are stupid and mildly aggressive, but they do love their kids. (I read a lot of vivisection, child neglect, and general Bad Parents fics so excuse me on that front. 8/10)

Danny didn’t actually beat Pariah Dark? (I love the Ghost King Danny fics, so to find out all he did was shove him into a sarcophagus was a bit of a bummer. He struggles more with Undergrowth than the actual king, like?? 6/10)

He can reach inside himself to take things out. (He ate a spoon in one ep and just reached inside himself to take it out. Pretty cool. 9/10)

Is he actually dead? (Phantom Planet makes it seem as if he just got a bit too high a dose of ectoplasm in his system and it fucked him up, how else could he have just undone the damage? But, most of the Phandom says he legit died in the portal, in which case he could not have gone in and just un-killed himself like he did in Phantom Planet. I think he died, personally. More trauma and angst for my writing. ??/10)

Clockwork appears a lot less than I thought he would. So does Frostbite. (I thought with how much they appear in the Phandom, they must have really important and constant roles, but no. They appear very rarely. Sad face. 5/10)

Vlad sucks. (Vlad fucking sucks. 0/10)

Dani/Ellie is much younger in appearance than I thought. (I looked her up for reference when I first started reading the fics, but she looked 14-15. She actually looks 6-7 years old in show. They literally call her a kid. 8/10)

Dani is what she chose to be called, not a funny joke the Phandom played on itself. (I though it was a silly little haha moment. Nope. The show just… named her that. I think Ellie is the Phandoms choice in calling her?? 8/10)

Why is Danny obsessed with Paulina even while crushing on Sam? (He is actively blushing and flirting with Sam and then they’ll turn around and he’s jumping at the chance to talk to Paulina?? Hate it. 0/10)

Danny and Dash don’t actually date. (I saw this circle around the Phandom a bit, thought it was cute if a bit weird, and then it didn’t happen? 6/10)

No obsessions, no cores, no real reason for the ghosts to be terrorizing Amity Park. (I legit thought it was real in-verse stuff, I’m so disappointed in the lack of it in the show. It could have been so good. 3/10)

Danny doesn’t actually become friends with his ghosts. (They don’t really get along, ever. They don’t talk outside of fighting, except for those who actually like him. Missed opportunity. 4/10)

His Space obsession is actually just a few mentions of him wanting to be an astronaut? (I thought he genuinely had an obsession with the stars and we’d see a lot of him stargazing or word-vomiting about his hyper fixation, but no. Sad. 4/10)

He does go stargazing (maybe?) and flies around when he’s not fighting. (We see him going off as Phantom in the episode where Jazz finds out about him. There are no battles and he looks like he’s having fun flying around. 10/10)

He was called Inviso-Bill?? (Hilarious, I love it, why did no one ever tell me this. 7/10)

He says “Going Ghost!” every time he transforms. Every fucking time. (It’s annoying, it’s ugly, I hate it. I am so glad no fics mentioned this or used it, I think I’d go insane. -1000/10)

That’s all I got for today, and probably for a while. I just wanted to write it down for fun, but I might post more like this eventually.

[akacosmic]

Episode 4 of "4 Minutes" was... 🤯

The fact we got a full government name, detective Win looked confused and devastated to hear that name, and then immediately Tonkla called him and the camera zoomed in on his cell phone with a swelling crescendo of music... QUICK! What's Tonkla's government name?!?! If it's Anuwat Warindej I'm gonna scream! If it's Tonkla, Win you're playing a dangerous game...

So... So we're just doing casual incidental frontal nudity now 😲??? (I blurred it just to be safe) Like, Win, my guy, you couldn't at least put your underwear back on while you were hiding waiting for Korn to leave? You were just Winnie-the-Poohing it back there? LOL

Also, Korn was Tonkla's first love and first time and rescued him from an abusive home situation? ��� No wonder he's so attached and can't seem to let go. But clearly their relationship has become strained, toxic even, over the years and isn't good for Tonkla anymore. It seems like he's just chasing after the sweet attentive guy that Korn used to be.

I know people have been theorizing alternate timelines for weeks, and specifically a timeline where Dome lives vs dying. People also heavily suspected Tonkla's brother was either Dome or Tyme... but seeing it confirmed? When I tell you my flabbers were gasted!!!! OMG!

[charliemwrites]

Okay! How I met my husband:

I had moved across the country to a whole ass different state to get away from my toxic family. I had moved to a state where I didn't know anybody. No family, no friends. Blank slate. I had a corporate office job at the time, with a mail room and everything. My husband had worked in that mail room, and apparently nobody there knew he worked there. Like he was practically a ghost? Well one day I had been down on that floor and I bumped into him making him drop his box of printer ink. I bent down to help him pick it up and apologized and what not. I was just nice to him –his words–?? Well. That started it. Since I was nice and actually spoke to him and literally nobody in that god awful building did that before –seriously everyone was an asshole– he became "obsessed" in a way. Like he followed me home, when I went out he would sometimes take pictures and put them in the mail slot, with little notes about how he liked how I did my hair that day, he likes my necklace, I should wear that dress more I don't need to worry about feeling ugly in it he thought I looked beautiful. Small things like that. He'd give me chocolates, deliver some food items to me that I needed. Little things.

Well one day I was just so. Fucking. Bored. Dates weren't very good, I was this close 👌 to setting my office on fire if my boss asked me to come in again on my day off, and I was like fuck it. Let's find my stalker. So I did, wasn't too hard honestly, I did grow up with a PI dad and bounty hunter mom, so finding people was always just.... Very easy for me. And when I found him I asked his sexy ass out. Now despite having been as ...needy... as I was, I didn't put out on the 1st date! I have a rule. "Booty's gotta wait till at least the 5th date". Then I dropped my ass on that man. And he tore it up. Like yooo. Why was my stalker the best I have ever been with?

Looking back on it, he was definitely the nicest one in that office, everytime I would see him I always made sure to say hi. It's just polite? Like why the fuck were people so mean in that office 😐. And he never broke into anything of mine, desk, car, house. None of that. If he had I most likely would've pretended I didn't have a stalker tbh. But he was sweet, saying nice things, phenomenal photographer!

And yeah. Now he's teaching our daughter how to tell if she's being followed and to always trust her instincts. If something feels wrong, it probably is and to get the fuck away from that situation. Obviously he's changed his ways, he's teaching our daughter to be safer than I was lol. Which! I resent that. He wouldn't have his favorite girl in the world if I had self preservation skills.

…. My gasts? Flabbered.

Thank you for sharing this story because I genuinely had no idea what to make of it. I’m glad you to found each other (quite literally) and that you two are happy and safe. Still dumbfounded but honestly?? Kinda badass of you.

[spnfanficpond]

Weekly Pond Newsletter

What's so funny about this gif is I searched for "SPN apocalypse" and this was in the top row of the search results. 🤣

On a more serious note, though, this week has been just A LOT for many people. We feel you. Our flabber has been completely gasted, our dumb is well founded, our gobs have been thoroughly smacked, and our asses are so tonished you could see your reflection in them. Though we usually don't like political talk in our waters, we have loosened the reins a bit this week, allowing it in the #funky-town channel as long as it remains respectful. People need to process current events, and sometimes it's necessary to talk to get through things.

Besides talking things out, though, we want to encourage you all to KEEP WRITING. We know that what we're feeling right now is exhausting, but the world needs writers of fantasy like us more than ever. We all need a break from reality, and what's a better distraction than sexy times with our favorite SPN characters? Or cuddle sessions in the Dean Cave? Maybe a little cloud-seeding? And no one would blame a writer for maybe sending Rowena to D.C. in January, or perhaps letting Chronos kill a few folks to zap us forward a few years.

We know you're tired. We're tired. We're sad. We're fearful. But do not let what's happening suck all the joy out of the world. We must keep our candles lit in the darkness. If you feel yours going out, let us share ours with you. 💗

Old Business:

Last week's #TweetFicTues prompts -

New Business:

Manta Rays in the Discord Server - Admin Marie will be chatting on Friday at 8pm EST, and Admin Michelle will be chatting on Saturday at 4pm EST. COme say hi and bring any writing questions or problems you've got!

Fishing For Treasures - Next weekend is FFT weekend here at the Pond, and we're celebrating Gen fics, and fics without smut in general. Click here for all the details on how to participate!

Secret Santa Fic Exchange - Sign-ups to participate this year end on Friday, the 15th! We've had a record turnout so far, and we're really excited to match folks up. If you want to participate, click here to read all about it!

(Divider by @glygriffe!)

That’s all for this week! To see all Pond events, and also other SPN-related things like conventions and online concerts, check out our Google calendar! Click here for a static view in Eastern US/Canada time (desktop only, no mobile app access, sadly), and click here to add our calendar to your own Google calendar! We try to keep it as up-to-date as possible. If there’s something you want to see on the calendar that’s not there (maybe a convention we missed, cast birthdays, or something similar), send us an ASK and let us know!

Hope you have a great week! - From your Admins and Manta Rays, @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @thoughtslikeaminefield, @heavenssexiestangel, and @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes!

[dramionestills]

Dramione month day 9: secret baby

The quiet hum of the coffee house paired with the delightful aromas of the brews and the pastries made for the perfect ambiance for a spot of afternoon reading. Hermione had found this cozy place fairly recently and immediately began to frequent it as often as possible; a much needed reprieve after workdays that had been so intense of late that her mind desperately needed a break. It was also a relatively unknown spot, at least to her friends. While she dearly loved them, sometimes she just needed her space. Especially after the Slytherin crew began to join them on nights out and she had ended up… well. Best not to think about that.

She had just begun really getting into her book when she felt someone slide into the booth across from her. She didn’t have to look up to know it was HIM. Even if his aura hadn’t been an oppressive force she could not ignore, his mouth watering scent of cedar and musk and green apple was too unique for her to not recognize him immediately. She had been avoiding him for weeks but that was no longer possible.

“Malfoy,can I help you with something?” She said, without looking up from her book.

“Ah, so you can see me, after all. I feared I might’ve become invisible but, alas, you were the only one unable to see me.”

“Yeah… I am sorry but it’s been a weird few weeks. I never meant for it to go this long…”

“No matter. We’re talking now. So. Are you feeling better?”

Hermione felt her heart stutter. How did he know?

“Yes, it was a rough week. How did you find out?”

“Daph. She told me she saw you running to the loo several times a day.”

“Oh no” Hermione covered her face “I am mortified, why would she relay that information?”

“Well, I think she was trying to be a good friend”

“Not to me apparently. Hell bent on embarrassing me, that one is” She grumbled.

“And Pansy mentioned you’d been shopping recently” Odd. how was that in any way relevant t their situation, Hermione thought?

“Well, the weather’s finally chillier and you know me, I can’t resist an oversized sweater in the Fall”

“And they provide so much… extra room. I imagine”

Was he implying she had gained weight? She hadn’t contacted him after one night of pure unadulterated lust so he was insulting her now?

“Malfoy, I sincerely don’t know what you want me to say but I doub..”

“And,” he interrupted her, “Theo said he saw you in St. Mungo’s last week” His tone had shifted. From the cool, aloof man he had been trying to portray since he had sat down to this barely restrained and almost feral look in his eyes. What on earth?

“Um..” She gulped air, getting a little bit freaked out by his change in demeanor. “Yes, just a standard check up.” She glanced around, trying to see if anyone had noticed the impending meltdown. The café had emptied out so it was just them and the barista, who was blissfully unaware washing dishes and wearing an enormous pair of noise canceling headphones. Thank Merlin for small mercies.

“And?? How was it?” He wipes a bead of sweat.

“Everything was fine. Malfoy why do you care? It was just routine, nothing to worry about” She chuckled nervously. He couldn’t possibly suspect anything, right?

“That’s… That’s good yeah. So..” He looked at her expectantly.

She shook her head, unsure how to proceed from this awkward conversation, when he finally blurted out:

“Please, Granger, I am begging you. Tell me, when are you due?”

“Due? Due what?”

“Granger stop being obtuse. Due to deliver my child.”

“What are you talking about?!” She was stunned. Her flabbers, gasted.

“Hermione, I know we’ve had our differences in the past. “ He reached for her hands on the table. “But I thought since we’ve all been hanging out as a group and then that night two months ago I figured, hey maybe I’ve got a shot, you know? But then you stopped talking to me and you had morning sickness and you had to get maternity clothes and you’ve been getting checkups and I just.. I REFUSE to let you go on with this and have my secret child. I demand to be a part of this!”

His rant ended and he finally looked up from where their hands were still clasped and into her face. He was out of breath and she was staring at him open mouthed. For what felt like ten minutes but was probably just a few seconds neither of them spoke.

And then Hermione began to giggle. And the giggle became a full out belly laugh.

“Oh, Draco” she was wiping tears from her eyes, “I feel like you added up two and two and came up with five.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I am not pregnant, Draco.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. First of all, if I was, I would most definitely let you know, I refuse to go through a pregnancy alone when I could have you at my beck and call.”

“Oh.” He deflated. He was a jumble of mixed feelings, a bit of relief but also sadness. He might have actually really wanted to have a baby with her. “But then.. The loo? And the clothes? And Mungo’s?”

“I had a bad gastrointestinal infection which had me running to the loo at work multiple times a day. I was not in there puking, though. It was a different sort of expulsion and I refuse to go any further into detail and Daphne should have kept her mouth shut because it just gave you… ideas.”

She rubbed her temples and continued. “Draco, sometimes an oversized sweater is just a bid for comfort. And as for Theo blabbing about my visit to St. Mungo’s… I get monthly treatments to help with some of the aftermath of the war… I didn’t want to mention it to you because I know it is a difficult topic, what happened at the Manor back then.”

“Well. I am thoroughly embarrassed. I apologize for the intrusion, Granger. Glad we could clear this up. I will be taking my leave.” As he gets up to go and starts toward the exit, Hermione can hear him mumbling under his breath. Something about “no wonder she didn’t reach out to me I am delusional” and “will never live this down” and “got my hopes up for nothing”

Her gaze softened and she smiled at this. She couldn’t let him go without saying something. She jumped to her feet and grasped his wrist before he could disappear from her life again.

“Malfoy. Draco. Look, life got in the way and then it had been too long so I had been hesitant to owl you… but if you’re still interested maybe we can go on a date? And then we can work our way up to a baby?” She smirked at him and his stunned face morphed into a smirk back at her. “Why, Granger, I might enjoy that idea a lot. No secret babies, though. Right?

“Yes, Draco, no secret babies ever.”

[ratatatastic]

quite frankly im so shocked that roddy would be most excited to return to his fatherland go to finland. truly.

"Is there any of your non-Finnish teammates who've picked up some Finnish? Has Evan Rodrigues learned any words just because he's played with you and Eetu a lot?" "No, he thinks he can—some words in Finnish but he's probably the guy who thinks he knows the most Finnish and probably knows the most Finnish of the guys in the team but..." "He's gotta say 'kiitos' after that pass last night! I mean, that was a nice setup!" "Yeah, yeah, exactly."

honestly im SHOCKED that mr hot rod would ever be named in relation to finland.

who couldve forseen any of this coming? like honestly? surprising. shocking. my gasteds have been flabbered.

we live in a society truly

THERES MORE FROM MR HALF FINNISH RODDY WHOS IN EVERY FINNS BUSINESS

at this point it's become deeply comical... making history in finland... continuing to score goals despite not being in finland anymore precisely because of the robes... "im gonna have to keep it going then huh?"... sweet mary and joseph

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 3, Episode 14- Swan Song- Part 4

Today is my 41st birthday, and in an act of Reverse Birthday, here's a gift for YOU. More unbridled rage! Luke and Lorelai, I dub thee The Penetration Patrol.

Penetration Patrol Officer Gilmore comes back downstairs in a real serious mood. Luke appears to be scrubbing crayon marks off a table. She's got some breaking news. Her 18 year old daughter and her boyfriend of several months were KISSING. WITH THEIR CLOTHES ON!

Man, it must suck to have such a fucking Nudity Narc for a mom. Rory would get eaten alive in public school if word got out that her mom sucks so hard and is awful and annoying and doesn't want Rory to have any fun. Rory would be ground into the sawdust like the filler they put in the meatloaf in the SHH cafeteria. Or the fine arsenic powder that Lindsey sprinkles into Dean’s dinner to cause violent convulsions.

My eye, it's doing that thing again, that thing that happens whenever Lorelai opens her yap.

NOT THE COUCH! I mean they could just go and do it Luke's bed if you prefer. And I'm sure they have already.

Yeah, Rory is learning how to breathe through her nose alright.

FOCUS ON ALEX'S GENITALS! I mean. Your own genitals! Both of your genitals. Take all this pent up rage and do him good later, before you give him the ol heav ho into the wormhole. Do him for Salty. But don't think about Dean while you're doing it.

You settle down, Decorated Four Star General of the Anti Fingering Brigade. That WE is doing some heavy lifting. That WE means this is a conspiracy. A blowjob blocking conspiracy. I could probably name a dozen facets of Jess' life Luke should be more concerned about than whether he does normal teenage (adult) boy things. Really you guys, does Luke really care that much? Jess and Shane (honk) were repeatedly getting sloppy in front of his customers two inches in front of his face and there were probably other future homicide victims, I mean easy lays, that Jess has been horizontal with since he met Rory over a year ago. Besides a few fumbling attempts at a Man to Man talk and advising Jess about the risks of Inter-Closet-al-Relations, Luke wasn't exactly getting between them with a crowbar. He's not even simping for Lorelai right now, so it's not like he's pretending to care to build more of that sweet sweet pussy credit. And there's NO way in hell Luke thinks Jess is still a virgin or would ever care if he was. So this is really just about Rory’s virginity...again (just like when he caught Jess and Rory ALMOST kissing chastely and read Jess the riot act). This has bubkis to do with Jess. There’s nothing weird about the guy who works at the local diner conspiring with your mom to make sure your hymen stays intact. I realize I pogo between saying Rory's libido is frostier than a penguin's nipple and musing that since Jess has entered the picture she’s just a technical virgin at this point, but look I’m suffering let me flip flop. Besides I think this it’s become clear in this episode she’s crossed that magical threshold into technical virgin territory. It's the horny hair. (Also, do you think these kids are that stupid that they don't know what you're doing? Even Rory isn't that naive). If you're that concerned that Rory is going to get pregnant or something, idk what to say anymore, because for all this absolute madness Lorelai's "sex talk" with Rory at the end of this episode boils down to "Oh well. Just let me know when he finally takes you to pound town."

There haven't been many instances so far where Luke has pissed me the hell off this much but there's a first for everything and the rest of season 3 looms ahead. Why don't you shove those tools up your butt. Or have Nicole do it for you later. In Milospeak: Oorange county, Califoooornia. I WAS RAISED IN DISNEYLAND!

Even First Class Five Star Brigadier General Nudity Narc Lorelai Q. Gilmore's flabbers are gasted.

"It's good that they're "safe" upstairs (whatever the fuck that means) but I'm going to turn the hose on them anyway."

What kind of establishment are we running here, Lucas? Customer: "Where the hell is my cheeseburger? Where did that diner guy go?" Sorry, you'll have to wait, he's on Third Base Patrol making sure his other (non paying) customer's daughter doesn't get fingerbanged on his couch by his nephew.

Lorelai calling Christopher a two pump chump is the only saving grace in this scene.

The next scene is going to be equally wretched. Goody.

[xoxlovergirlxox]

Chapter 1: Busy bein' yours to fall for somebody new

TW FOR SERIES: angst, eventual NASTY smut , fluff, badly written story.

apologizing now for the short ass chapter.

** her pov **

i look down playing with my lasagna. my favorite food. my head snaps up when i hear my grandmas voice. “honey when are we seeing that sweet boy matt, again?” i swallow my food and turn to look at my mom with furrowed eyebrows and confusion written all over my face.

why hasn’t she told her yet? we’ve been broken up for five months and been in no contact for almost the five months. i mean does it really count as no contact when im over at his house hanging out with my bestfriends— who also happen to be his brothers, all the time. when he glances at me before he walks towards his room until i leave. when we say the occasional “hi” when we see eachother or the “sorry” when we’re in eachothers way.

my mom sends an apologetic look my way before turning towards grandma. “mom, i told you this already. they broke up awhile ago.” she says quietly and looks around the table putting a smile on her face. “no more talking. everybody eat” i sigh , redness spreading across my face as my family — including my cousins, aunts, uncles , nephews, and nieces look at me. some frustrated that they can’t talk anymore.

after dinner i sit on the couch, watching my nieces and nephews play just dance. i laugh as i watch my nephew fail to pick up my niece for the dance move making them both fall. i feel a hand on my shoulder , my smile drops and i tense up before turning around. my grandma looks at me with an apologetic smile. “i’m sorry, dear. i don’t remember things like i used to. i didn’t mean to ruin the dinner.” my heart tightens and i quickly shake my head looking at her with a frown. i didn’t mean to make her feel like that. “don’t worry , grandma. you didn’t ruin anything. it was just a break up” i look at her with a soft smile, but my chest aches at the thought of it.

we talk for awhile, my grandmas gentle words bringing me comfort. eventually my grandpa gets up from his chair with a groan, he walks over to my grandma helping her to her feet. they both kiss my forehead and tell me goodnight and they love me. i watch as my grandpa holds her hand , guiding her slowly towards the hallway, making sure not to hurt her. the way he helps her with such gentleness , the way she leans on him like she trusts him with her life— it’s something i’ve seen a million times, but tonight with all the talk about the breakup makes it hit differently.

i admire the way they move together, the silent understanding between them, the love that’s lasted decades. that’s what i’ve always wanted— someone to grow old with, to share the weight of life with, to care for when it gets hard.

my eyes briefly drift to the spot where matt would normally be sitting, his teasing smile just out of reach. i imagine his beside me, the way he would pull me close when i was upset, the way his hands would cup my face when things got too hard. but then.. i shake my head. no. i can’t go there again.

i force myself to look away, pushing the thought of matt from my mind as i watch my grandparents disappear down the hallway. with a deep sigh, i stand, excusing myself quietly from the room. my heart feels heavy, but i try to ignore the ache as i walk into my room. i close the door behind me and lay on my bed. the silence finally settles in. leaving me alone with my thoughts.

after a few moments , i pull myself out of bed , my body moving on autopilot. the weight of the evening lingers like a shadow, but I don’t want to dwell on it. i grab my favorite pajamas, trying to choose between the old, oversized shirt Matt always used to joke looked like a dress on me, or just a simple old shirt with a bear that looks shocked on it and says “my flabbers have been gasted” after a moment i finally choose the bear one and slip into the bathroom.

the shower water is hot, steam filling the small space and clouding the mirror. i let out a sigh of relief when the warmth soaks into my skin. i stand there for a moment with my eyes closed, trying to wash away the day’s tension. the water rushes over me, but it doesn’t cleanse the quiet ache in my chest. it never does.

i step out, towel dry my hair, and pull the brush through the damp strands, wincing slightly as it pulls at the tangles. as i look at my reflection in the mirror, i catch myself—eyes too wide, cheeks flushed, but no matt standing in the doorway, no soft voice teasing me about how i always forget to dry my hair properly. i swallow, ignoring the tightness in my throat as i brush my teeth.

it’s just me tonight. like it’s been for the past five months. when i finish, i stare at myself in the bathroom mirror for a moment longer than necessary. there’s no reason to keep thinking about him. no reason to let him work back into the spaces i’ve worked so hard to close off. i dry my face, pull on my pajamas, and climb back into bed, pulling the blanket up tightly around me as if i could wrap myself in something that would keep the cold, quiet feelings at bay.

i try to sleep, but the night stretches out endlessly, each second a reminder of how much im trying to outrun this feeling. i sigh and open my eyes, i grab my phone and look through my old photos. of us.

the break up itself was messy, fueled by words that should’ve never been said, by misunderstandings that could’ve easily been avoided if we’d just communicated better. but it’s too late for that now. the silence, though, it stings even more than the heated arguments that led us here. i haven’t heard from him since the last time we had a tear-filled conversation in the parking lot, both of us too stubborn to really listen.

i scroll aimlessly through my phone, staring at my messages app, and my thumb hovers over his name. it’s been months, but seeing his name still makes my heart skip a beat, even if it’s just a flicker in my chest. i’ve tried to move on, tried to ignore the fact that matt has somehow burrowed himself deep within me, and yet every time i think i’m over it, something brings him back—whether it’s his brothers casually mentioning him, my family mentioning him, or the old songs we used to listen to playing on the radio, while he drove me whenever i wanted to go.

tonight , as i lay in bed scrolling through instagram, a notification pops up from snapchat telling me that nick posted. i open the nicks story and it’s of matt, chris and nick. they all have a smile on their face but matt’s smile looks fake and he looks like he hasn’t slept in days. i stare at the story for a moment wondering if i should check on him. yeah we broke up but i still care for him.

i frown when i remember that i blocked his number months ago. but seeing him look like makes my heart tighten up . i’m not sure if it’s the worry or the nostalgia, but i quickly find myself unblocking his number. my finger hovers for a second before i tap his name, wondering if maybe i should say something, anything at all. but when the screen loads, the cursor blinks back at me, empty. i type, delete, types again, and deletes once more.

nothing feels right. frustrated with myself , i set the phone down and turn off the light, my thoughts swirling. i finally drift off to sleep, but my dreams are filled with fragments of the past—his laugh, the way he’d pull me close when i didn’t want to leave, the way he’d touch me like i was the only thing that mattered.

the morning light filters through the blinds, and i groggily open my eyes, stretching out and glancing at the clock. its my birthday. i don’t really feel like celebrating, not with everything that’s been happening. there’s still that dull ache in my chest that won’t go away.

but as the day goes on, my friends pull through with plans, and i find myself surrounded by laughter, presents, and food. the usual distractions. i laugh along, feeling some happiness again, but something’s still missing. i can’t quite place it.

as the day winds down, i sit down on the couch alone. my parents drove my grandpa and grandma home and my nephews, nieces, uncles, and aunts are all gone now that my birthdays almost over.

i scroll through my phone again, flicking through pictures from the day. and then—there it is. a few text messages from matt.

my hand freezes, my heart pounding in my chest. and in that moment, everything crashes down around me—everything i thought i’d buried deep inside me.

i exhales shakily, pressing my lips together, fighting back the tears that threaten to spill. i wasn’t ready for this, not today, not after all the months of pretending i was fine without him.

but maybe... maybe i’m not as fine as everyone. thought.

** messages not included **

[smilesthroughfandoms]

A Big Stink, Chapter Preview

I hope to have this finished and published by 12/01... we'll see if that's true or not.

“Bo and his family went to look in the east wing of the school but that delivery boy friend of hers took Bai He to check the main classroom the children use during the day.” Shoumo explained. 

“Bo?” Macaque asked. 

“He’s our other best friend.” Bingjie happily explained. 

“Well, maybe they had better luck?” Sandy offered. 

“Doubtful. Only the older kids use the east wing of the school. Bo only went there because they saw MK and ran out of the room screaming…” Bingjie said. 

“Why would they run screaming from the room?” PB asked the little girl. 

Bingjie shrugged. “Beats me.”

“I think those two said something about “not wanting to get in a row” with MK,” The Priestess thoughtfully stroked her chin while doing an odd cockney accent. 

“Good impression, Auntie Lingli!” Bingjie grinned. “You sounded just like them.”

“Sounded just—oh no,” Wukong face-palmed. “Please tell me you don’t mean—”

“Monkey King!” Two very familiar voices cried out. “It’s your worst nightmare!”

“Jin,” the orange brother—dressed in a frumpy, plaid suit—introduced himself with a flourish. 

“Yin,” the blue brother—dressed in a similar frumpy suit but with chunky stripes—struck a pose. 

“The Gold and Silver Demons!” The superzeroes strummed their air guitars and bellowed loudly for the enjoyment of precisely nobody. “And we’re here to tell you—to pretty please just let Monkie Kid leave us alone for tonight!” Jin was on his knees in front of Wukong in an instant, stupid tears welling up in his eyes. 

“We’ve been on our best behavior, we promise! We just want to see our little Bo’s show tonight.” Yin was equally tearful with his pleas. “We’ll keep our noses clean, we swear.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Wukong’s flabbers had been thoroughly gasted. “Your little Bo’s show?”

“Our nephew, Bo!” Jin explained. He and his brother pulled out wallets that looked old and probably stolen. A flick of their wrists and two separate but entirely full plastic accordions of pictures flopped out. Inside were a rather impressive amount of pictures of a young demon boy with light gray-purple skin, charcoal-gray hair with sunny yellow highlights, and some chunky, round glasses. 

The pictures were like a mini timeline of this boys life. Infancy, his first steps, early adolescence, a few science fairs, and the most recent one, which looked like it was a general school picture. If Wukong was being honest, the kid kind of looked like a weenie. But, the king could tell the boy was loved. 

“He looks like a sweet kid.” Macaque spoke carefully. “Since when did you two have a sibling, though?”

“Ok, smartie pants,” Yin scoffed a bit. “If you wanna bring semantics into this. He’s technically our second cousin once removed.”

“But we’ve known him his whole life and Uncle Jin and Uncle Yin roll off the tongue better.” Jin smiled proudly at the pictures in his wallet. He pulled one out and handed it to the shadow master. 

[peppy-jester]

@infxnatum xxx

His flabbers have been gasted!