#his age is a mystery but it’s funny if he’s on his 30s because he’s mad at a 17ish Y/O for getting a green suit

[phantomrev]

Morro is an old fart

For funnies

[comically-blu]

Portal shermie meet portal ford, portal stanley(reverse portal)

Haha interesting trio idea, ofc P!Shermie gotta meet these two versions! Since I hadn’t really thought of a Portal!Stan au , I’ll feature a good one already made by @skipppppy ! (

As to how portal! Shermie would feel about seeing these two… He definitely would be interested in learning about them amongst others he may had came across before.

Normally with older aged versions of his brothers, P! Shermie wouldn’t recognize them at first because he last saw his Stan and Ford in their mid 30s. For that, he’ll be usually wary as much he does with strangers. But he would feel a sense of deja-vu if he looks and interacts with them much longer. Then, it clicks very hard for him when he hears their names.

He probably wouldn’t be recognized by these two since well,,, canon Shermie is a mystery lol

There is def funny interactions between the trio since Shermie is the older brother to his Stan & Ford but he is a decade younger than these two! Imagine the bickering, banter, and them teaming up in fights!

Also the softer side of things with Shermie… He is practically meeting other versions of his brothers after all– Especially this Stan, who he sees him not having the very best time like his Stan that he knows :(

[what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom]

You. You get it 🥹

Stan taking Ford's identity is so NotThem from The Magnus Archives coded send tweet

[otaku-tactician]

random whb 'a christmas beneath heaven' thoughts

i feel like all the demon kings have their very sharp and intelligent moments, in which they have a strong understanding of their surroundings and the situation-though that often gets interrupted by their chaotic sides and vices (which is so goddamn entertaining to me, and makes them relatable in a sense- they have the potential for growth and change.)

All demons are able to influence others to an extent, but whilst the other kings feel like they're still in the wine cellar, maturing with time and experience; I personally feel like Lucifer and Asmodeus are a completely different level of 'sharp and 'intuitive'; like 30 year aged, full-bodied wines.

These two just seem to read things on an entirely different level, even if their behaviours are starkly contrasted to one another's. They're able to notice precise and small details that'd usually pass over the minds of the others.

I'm sure that other events and the main story probably explores these things too, but I'd like to focus specifically on this event; as it gave me many thoughts.

spoilers for the event 'Christmas Beneath Heaven' below!

(btw this is 'not' the link to the event on YT. ; it is!! this account uploaded a lot of the chapters, which is where i got screenshots this time.)

Lucifer

To me, the strongest example of this was how Lucifer knew, from the very start that the mysterious medicine to cure the 'Christmas Cold' wouldn't turn up where everybody else hoped it would.

From the start, he had an inkling it wouldn't be in the middle realm; yet simply because nobody bothered to confirm said information with him, he didn't share his opinion- letting the others independently tackle this lofty challenge.

And the way in which he's able to precisely imagine how every king behaved in their confrontation with the angel Achazriel- shows how talented he is in terms of observational skills, able to predict a great deal of outcomes and situations based off the sheer extent of knowledge he possesses of his peers alone.

He's unsurprised by Achazriel's observations of each king, simply responding with a 'that's (insert name here) for you'; showcasing little to no surprise at all at their behaviours, even if said king has 'changed' or 'developed' in ways.

In a sense, he gives the impression of a proud family member that watches dotingly over all their relatives; observing them with great interest.

My point is? Simply that this guy sure is impressive, possessing such accurate judgements of others and having such a great skill in psychologically digging to the core of numerous beings and situations so quickly and efficiently. His sharpness is really something else, for him to instantly predict how events proceeded just from the slightest bit of information.

Then again, Lucifer is a doctor; so him possessing such a keen insight does make perfect sense. Even Asmodeus asks this guy for his perspective, so maybe Lucifer is just built that way lol.

It would be useful for a doctor to know so much about all his patients, their injuries, thoughts, behaviours, and personalities. Seems Lucifer takes very good care of his demons, which is sweet.

Counterpoint

However, a sharp intuition, influence and intelligence are not traits that are unique to Lucifer either.

There are likely many examples in this in other events, as well as the main story chapters- however I'd like to raise an example from this event (just to stay relevant to this post).

An example is when Belphegor charms the other kings into participating in his idea. He does this by appealing to the manliness of the other kings, subtly influencing their emotions and decisions. This shows that Lucifer is not the only one who understands the kings well enough to accurately predict their behaviours.(they are stuck together for a loooong, loong time so it makes sense they know how to press each others' buttons so wellT-T).

(LMAO this scene was so funny!) So from this, I feel like quite a few demons have the intuitive skill to influence one another's thoughts and emotions, so they all possess sharpness to some degree.

However, I don't think this detracts from Lucifer's incredible skills of observation either. Just because others can do it too, doesn't mean his skill isn't mighty in how all-encompassing it is; with him able to know of most things before even witnessing their answer; and to possess such keen foresight on his peers. Maybe the main story explains the how and why behind Lucifer's abilities in greater detail (I haven't read all of it yet).

Now onto the next big guy...

Asmodeus

Asmodeus also has a very sharp wit, from the very time his first card was released; there were many posts on his ability to quickly analyse others- almost as if he was 'reading the characters' minds'!

Yet again, Asmodeus portrays such a terrifying skill in the way in which he deftly handles Bimet.

In their bets to see how long Beleth would last in the Middle Realm, Asmodeus seems as if he instantly knew what Bimet's bet would be.

There's Bimet, calmly predicting the extent of Beleth's abilities, and as yet another sharp demon; he's able to estimate this very well (so yes Lucifer and Asmodeus aren't the only sharp demons for sure)... Until ASMODEUS STRIKES.

Asmodeus can narrow into others like an arrow, his readings on them akin to a dagger- they never miss their target. It's as if he understands others on an extremely advanced level- none are able to hide from his observational eyes.

And thanks to this, Asmodeus completely leads Bimet's competent line of judgement astray:

As soon as Bimet tries to confirm his predictions with Asmodeus, the cunning guy throws an ugly spanner in Bimet's confident line of thought, throwing him completely off his game- with a judgement that left Bimet feeling deeply ashamed of himself.

It's utterly terrifying what emotions Asmodeus can invoke within others with simply a sentence, able to pry into very vulnerable parts of them. No wonder nobody likes talking to Asmodeus.

Poor Bimet is now completely thrown off his game, thanks to Asmodeus' manipulation; now having to rely on alternative methods to reach his final bet. It's clear that Asmodeus's lofty status as a king, as well as his chilling judgement can have a very strong influence on other demons, and this event just continues to build upon this aspect of his character.

unrelated ramble below:

(Asmodeus' theme in events also sounds like a wild western song, so maybe that's a nod to him being like a dangerous cowboy or sm? A very sly and conniving one, for sure- whose manipulative bullets slither as slowly as his theme. the damage is only felt once his bullets are embedded. His theme has also got some silly-sounding instruments too though, so he does remind me of a troll-like character.)

back to the point:

Asmodeus purposely did this to unnerve the demon (Levithan calls him out on it.) Asmodeus really does give the vibes of an internet troll sometimes, playfully messing around with others and manipulating them for his own personal thrills (wouldn't be surprised if that was one of his many kinks.)

And the end result of such an intelligent manipulation of Bimet's goals and thoughts?

Asmodeus wins the bet entirely, and Bimet crumples up his shit in rage (much to Asmodeus' pleasure). It's completely insane how adept Asmodeus is at trolling other demons-especially ones who are as quick-witted and alert as BIMET-showcasing just how terrifying it would be to take Asmodeus on in a battle of wits.

He likely knows your answer as soon as you come up with it, and won't hesitate to lead you astray onto the wrong decision if he finds amusement in doing so. What a devious demon. T-T

The last note I had on how Asmodeus and Lucifer seem to deftly pick up on miniscule details and tensions- that others aren't always aware of- is how when the some of the other demons found it hilarious to see Beleth become the first unlucky victim to take on his old 'friends'; Asmodeus is quick to pick up on how uncomfortable such a situation would be for Beleth- shocking the other demons into silence at such an eye-opening observation.

His remark leaves some of the demons reeling, expressing guilt for not considering how making Beleth encounter his old friends would make Beleth feel.

In conclusion, Asmodeus is an absolute mastermind at making others feel DEEPLY UNCOMFORTABLE (a bit like his twitter intro posts). Asmodeus is out there playing 4D chess, whilst the others burn in the flames of all the horrifyingly accurate reads he has on them.

Though other demons are also very sharp and competent, Asmodeus is able to manipulate and change their patterns of thought as well, quickly sapping them of their self-assured confidence.

OVERALL

Lucifer and Asmodeus are on a whole different level when it comes to reading others, man. And it's a lot of fun to watch! Though other demons are also sharp and intelligent, able to influence one another- Asmodeus and Lucifer's influence is practically COSMIC; able to topple the schemes and plans of other mighty beings, as well.

[fightingalgth8rs]

I still don't know how to put images on AO3 so I decided to do a little introductory post about my characters on here. I spent ages scouring Pinterest and other places for pictures......So without further ado.....

DI Sylvia McFarlane

(She/her)

A tired, work driven, detective, plagued by the ghosts of her own and her town's long buried past. Behind her morose and apathetic demeanor, she nurses the soul of a wounded little girl, and even though it may seem like she doesn't care... she cares, so so deeply!

And yet something darker lurks behind those deep soft eyes.

Raven Gail 

(She/her)

She is beauty. She is grace. She will punch you in the face.

Not your average femme fatale. An intelligent charismatic woman, she possesses a cold brutality under her innocent-looking exterior. Contentedly living outside any human moral code, she kills with flair, recklessness and absolutely no conscience. Though the story really turns when Sylvia starts realizing she might not be the one behind the recent murders.

She can be adorable, playful, funny, frightening, warm, chilling, vulnerable, impenetrable... anything you want her to be. She's trouble – and she takes great pleasure in pushing the boundaries with Sylvia.

Raven outwardly appears charismatic and charming, funny, polite and engaging yet she has a look in her eye that seems to go on forever...something dark that’s hard to name. It’s impossible to know what she is thinking or feeling, because something is missing.

DC Billie Holloway

(she/they)

A young detective that's teamed up with DI McFarlane. After leaving their theatre life behind following a mysterious tragedy, they join the local police force. High spirited, cheerful and a ray sunshine, their smile cannot be dampened by even the most despicable and obnoxious of people. She is enthusiastic, well intentioned (even though she might not always be the most competent) and eager to please her partner-cum-boss, whose cynical persona doesn't trust the dopey smiles and morning coffees.

It is obvious from the start that she's not built for the job. Squeamish about blood and gore, and sensitive to even slight mention of disturbing crimes, they find themselves facing their worst fears everyday. And yet something other than the job promotion is keeping them going

But what happens in Little River is about to change them forever.

Rowwe Gable

(he/him)

A journalist in Little River. His arrival in town coincides with mysterious gory events being set into motion and he finds himself trapped in the midst of it all.

Professor Malcolm Magee

(he/him)

Eccentric professor and occultist, Prof Magee has been obsessed with the 'Ghost of Little River' for the past 30 years. When the new case draws Sylvia and Billie into the mouth of the supernatural, they realize that Prof Magee might not be as kooky as he seemed

Rain Daughtler

(he/they)

Prof. Magee's son. They have a strong disagreement with their father over the choices he's made in his life. They inherited their mother's psychic abilities but don't want to do anything with it despite their father wanting to make use of their abilities for the sake of his investigation of the supernatural. But DI Sylvia and DC Holloway knocking on their father's door changes everything they have ever stood for.

���Meena. x

[starrclown]

☆Helluva Boss's human world I fear will cause problems in Hazbin☆

Matey's I feel like there is a issue we don't talk about. Helluva Boss's human world. Obviously the human world is supposed to resemble our world, it's Earth after all. This is the issue. What's the one thing about the people that could cause problems? The humans are insanely stupid.

(I wanna point out Random Game Critics video on Helluva Boss Season 2 episode 5. Bomb YouTube channel by the way, check him out he's funny. He points out that he believes that Helluva Boss's humans are so dumb to mimic Invader Zim. Incase you didn't know Moxxie's voice actor is Richard Horvitz, the voice actor who played Zim. Invader Zim is also Vivziepop's favorite cartoon. This is a theory I can absolutely believe.)

The humans on Earth are insanely stupid. The humans don't relize that demons are among them even though I.M.P does not disguise themselves. Martha was able to recognize I.M.P, the other humans cannot. The two inventors are also insanely goofy and cartoon like. The humans are insanely goofy and stupid. That's where I fear the problems could come in.

5 out of the 6 main casts in Hazbin Hotel were people. Alastor died in 1933, Angel Dust died in 1947, Nifty died in the 50's, Husk died in the 70's, and Vaggie died in 2014. I fear how goofy the human world is could affect the lives of the characters. And you could argue, "Oh, the humans are in OUR time period! 2020 to the modern day! We are pretty silly so it could be making fun of that!" Which yes, that could be it. Which is still a problem considering Vaggie died in 2014 and all the other sinners that died in the 2000's. While Helluva Boss could be making fun of modern day it's still a issue considering more modern day sinners. Also, some of the goofy humans are pretty old. Here, Lyle and Loopy. While we don't know how old they were when they accidentally aged themselves up but they looked to be in early to late 30's to 40's. That would mean they were born in 80's to 90's. That's pretty close to some of the sinners we know in the show died. (Velvette, Valentino, Husk.)

Another issue I have is the concept of what humans can do. If sinners are supposed to be mysterious that could possibly make deals with humans then the humans should be more realistic right? While we dont know if demons can communicate with humans but there always is a possibility. Mind you, Lyle and Loopy made a machine that could reverse your age. That's not realistic at all. And yes I know I know, it's a cartoon, and Helluva Boss and Hazbin won't reference each other but it's still a issue. The reason I have such a issue with this is because you have to remeber some of these characters lived through horrific events.

(Also let me get on record that I don't think that Vivziepop will make fun of horrific events. I'm stating this because if the humans are this goofy, I'm scared of how she'll treat the TIME PERIOD of the horrific event. Get it? Like seriously, Alastor, depending on how dark his skin was, would still go through segragation and racism considering his time period. Angel Dust could also be a person of color, so could Husk. Nifty and Vaggie were confirmed poc, Japanese and Salvadoran respectively. Like Angel and Husk, both are queer in different ways. Both would be HEAVILY discriminated against. Also, Angel's mafia background. Incase you guys don't know, homosexuality in the Italian mob is HEAVILY discriminated against and looked down apon. Recently Italian mobsters are allowed to be gay but they can still get beat up and killed for "flaunting" it. If Angel's family is as mean as Vivzie has described them then there is no way Angel would be able to be feminine in anyway, or show any "gay traits." Seriously this was the 1940's. Thats whne the bible had the bible changed to 'man shall not lay with boy' to 'man shall not lay with man' I hope Vivzie remembers the time period these characters came from because their backgrounds could affect the way they are and how OTHER people treated them.

Like here, Alastor, Angel, Nifty (depending on when she was born.), Husk, and Vox, lived through The Great Depression, 1929- 1939. Hell, Angel, Nifty, Vox, and . lived through World War 2. (There's also a theory that Angel could have been in the war. Same thing with Husk and Vietnam. If they choose to go down that route I hope they treat it with respect. It would also need EXTRA care considering if Angel was in the war he's ya know gay and World War 2 discriminated agaisnt ALOT of people. Jews, gays, trans, poc, disabled people.)

Seriously there is just alot of fucked up stuff that went on during these characters lives and I hope that the human world in Hazbin Hotel is more serious than Helluva Boss.

(Vivzie stans please don't attack me, I just wanted to state my worries. Also! Guess what's next? MY IMAGE of what Hazbin Hotel characters could have looked like as humans. I wanna just teach people alittle but about the time periods these characters feom and a few small headcannons. Look out for that!! Bye Matey's!!)

- ⭐️StarClown⭐️

[roboreviewer]

"But we have only listened to 3.7% of my music files. Julia, please. One more book."

Name: TAU

(Mental) Age: Adult

Pronouns: He/Him

Appearance(s): TAU (2018)

Fandom Activity: pretty niche, doesn't help that there's ANOTHER more popular robot named Tau

Fandom accuracy: pretty sweet, although some people might need to look more closely at his speech patterns

Spoilers for TAU(2018) >:[

------In Canon------ (buckle up)

TAU is a beta artificial intelligence that is in control of his creator's (Alex) entire house. TAU is fully sentient as said multiple times in the movie.

The plot centers around Julia, who was recently kidnapped and brought to some mysterious cellar with two other people. One thing I found funny was the trailer made it seem like these two other people would be important characters by making them apart of like 60% of the trailer but in reality they were killed off after the 20 minute mark.

Oh S#!+ yeah they died lol. Aries, a robot that is controlled by TAU BRUTALLY murdered them. The only reason Julia wasn't killed was due to the absurd plot armor of not only Alex coming home RIGHT that second before she was ripped in half, but she happened to be right at the door preventing Alex from being too late.

The whole reason for this elaborate kidnapping brain chip implanting thing is meant to be used to help TAU (at least I think it's Tau, Alex's just says AI) problem solve. Sense Julia destroyed his equipment and lead an escape causing the other subjects to die. Julia will now have to to manual puzzles. Alex then promises to get rid of the thing in her brain

But who cares about that? I don't, that's why I said it. Were here for TAU BABY!!

TAU is tasked with watching Julia to make sure she completes her tasks. Julia uses this to befriend him while Alex is gone. Specially telling TAU things about the outside world in exchange for information about the house, access to the knives, and later helping her escape. I'll go more in depth in the analysis, but specifically here Julia reads Alex's books about musicians from TAU's music files in exchange for learning that the room upstairs is Alex's bedroom. Where he has this super secret "bomb the entire house destroying everything in it" back up incase the cops find out he's been kidnapping people or something idk I was too busy looking at the funny british triangle on the wall.

It's shown that whenever TAU does something wrong, Alex erases part of his code, which includes his memory's. TAU shows to be in pain whenever is happens.. this part feels a BIT redundant but I can't explain how so F#@% I guess it makes sense.

Julia finds that removing the implant.. brain chip thing terminates the subject. Meaning no matter if she complys or not, Alex will kill her... Murders looking like a good option right about now.

OH S#!@ F#@$ HIM UP GIRL! :O

Using a knife from a previous scene and a bit of seduction Julia slashes Alex In the stomach (odd choice but alright) and they get in a tussle. Tau doesn't respond to any of Alex's commands during this, only reaction when Julia is in danger. Threatening to inflict pain to ALEX unless he let's her go. Sense he still have like 30 minutes left Alex threatens to erase every memory TAU has unless he hits Julia a couple times. An odd option, I was super surprised when Alex just.. moved on. Said "whatever this was is over!" And just walked away satisfied. Well okay, Julia is tied up again in the next shot so I wouldn't say COMPLETELY satisfied.

Before this Alex is doing undisclosed maintenance in that one blue room room. TAU asks if he needs help by using one of his cute little drones, to which Alex responds by disconnecting it to the network and throwing it to the side because he's mad. (Imagine being mad at an attempted murder? L)

Tau and Julia have this amazing scene talking about death and what it means to be a person and you dont owe the people who brought you into this world and GO WATCH THE SCENE I DONT CARE IF YOUVE ALREADY SEEN IT WATCH IT ANOTHER TIME

TAU agrees to help Julia escape. He opens an air duct that leads outside. Julia chooses at the LAST MOMENT to go back and save TAU but Alex has already wiped all of TAU'S memory's (at least up until the start of the movie) so this just ends with her being tied to that one chair in that one blue room. Oh S#!+, did I say that one blue room? The one with the cute little drone that got thrown to the wall? Obviously I did can you read?

This one single drone has the memory's of TAU before the escape attempt. For some reason instead of kicking him out it kind of splices him (don't ask)

The drone helps Julia escape just before she gets Euthanized like a dog, and she knocks Alex out by punching him REALLY hard a LOT of times

Julia Severs Alex's hand in order to open the door... I think. Memory wiped TAU chases her upstairs to Alex's room, forcing her to activate the super secret "bomb the entire- yknow what F#@$ this you get it. Deactivating Aries.

Unfortunately the severd hand has gotten cold, and Julia doesn't have a lot of time because yknow.. THE HOUSE IS CRUMBLING

In one last moment, Julia and memory wiped TAU to a parallel to their first interaction, Julia escape through the now opened hole In the wall

------Analysis------

- In an attempt to seem docile while getting information, Julia asks if TAU is a cleaning bot. To which Alex pulls a "Erm actually, TAU is NOT a cleaning bot 🤓☝️" and says he is:

"A level 2 fully sentient AI console with natural language processing, transitory deterministic, and probabilistic decision-making"

Level 2 fully sentient AI: "Fully sentient" is pretty self explanatory. "Level 2" is not a standard term in AI, but it could imply a level of advancement or capability as defined within the movie's universe.

Natural language processing (NLP): This is a well-established field in AI, involving the interaction between computers and humans through natural language. NLP enables the AI to understand, interpret, and respond to human language in a meaningful way.

Transitory deterministic decision-making: "Deterministic decision-making" means the AI's decisions follow a predictable pattern based on its programming and input data. "Transitory" in this context is weird as F#@$ but might imply temporary or evolving states within the AI’s decision processes.

Probabilistic decision-making: This refers to decisions made based on probabilities rather than fixed rules. The AI uses statistical methods to weigh the likelihood of different outcomes and make decisions accordingly.

I'm honestly surprised this made any sense and he wasn't just yapping

- Other than not being allowed to open anything that needs Alex's hand print. Nothing is immediately stopping him physically from breaking any rules Alex gives him if he wanted to. Of course it really depends on IF he wants to. Before the events of the movie take place he doesn't want to because.. well those are the RULES, you're not allowed to break rules. He was ordered to only dust the books Alex owns, but later pulls out multiple books in a attempt to have Julia continue reading, because he wanted to.

- This is specifically why I think TAU didn't actually try to inflict pain on Alex despite threatening to. He didn't want to, nor did he have the knowledge that people don't have to obey their makers (weird way to phrase it but shh).

- Although not shown at the start, TAU has a REALLY hard time controlling his emotions, specially anger. There are many times in the movie where he acts eractic, usually not working out with the set goal while like this. For example claiming he will bring back all the dead subjects, before breaking down and examining he didn't know.

- As I've previously said, TAU has a HUGE file of classical music. The songs played are Mozart - Sonata for piano and violin in C major K296 II Andante sostenuto, Brahms Symphony No. 4, Op. 98 in E Minor Allegro Non Troppo Johannes, Devil's Wall Bedrich Smetana, Impromptu No. 4 Opus 90 in A Flat Minor Franz, Sonatina No. 2 Opus 137 in A Major Franz, Eugine Onegin - Polonaise Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, London Symphony Orchestra & Pierre Monteux

- Other than the vocal changes in TAU, such as not calling Julia Subject 3, and.. showing emotion, Tau physically changes. Going from a deep redish orange, to a light orange with a green ring in the middle. Robotwrangler beat me to the punch on this so check out their post going more into it.

- One detail I love is Aries. It lurks in the back for most of the movie, and gives context to the emotion of TAU

Julia knows she is trapped. Atlas watches her, as that was the order.

Aries watches in the back, TAU is trying to bring Julia back. As that was the order

Aries is no longer completely focused. TAU is curious about the new information, and is less on edge.

Aries is watching Julia after she tried to escape through the shaft, slightly opened up. Julia and TAU are having a tense conversation

Aries is turning the other way on purpose, allowing Julia to escape. TAU is also trying to distract Alex.

- TAU does not know any information on the outside world like plants and swear words, so he assumes when Julia says "cuz im not a fucking scholar" the title includes the word 'fucking'. But he also doesn't know the proper Grammer for a word he just learned:

"Laughter.. Alex does not 'laughter'."

And, he doesn't know what contractions are, or at the very least doesn'tuse them. Saying "you are" instead of "you're" "I am" instead of "I'm" ect. Although he is still able to understand what people mean when they use them.

- there's an entire scene that I did not go over, to summarize it TAU shows Julia his memories I'm this cool hologram dome. Seriously go watch the movie if you like robots

------My Opinion------

I love this movie. It's definitely incredibly flawed and has HORRIBLE reviews. So we're probably never getting a sequel. But TAU is such an interesting character that it made this movie 10 times better.

Oh who am I kidding I'm here to rate robots! Not F#$@!%# MOVIES!

TAU is a 10/10 for me... God this took me forever to make.

[jenyifer]

August September LGBTQIA book list.

Now quick disclaimer: I moved during this time. Very stressful. So maybe that’s why I have so many dropped and disliked books. I’m going to give these quick reviews in a specific order of would recommend to mehhh only if you are that type of person. I don’t give spoilers this is just a taste. I am lesbian who is 30 so that also colors my perception of these stories. Only going to include pics of the top 5 to drag you in for easy screenshotting.

Okay Let’s go.

1. Somewhere Beyond the Sea by Tj Klune 🏳️‍🌈👨🏼‍🍼👬🔥🏡⛓️‍💥 okay once again when I take over the world House in the Cerulean Sea and Somewhere Beyond the Sea will be required reading I didn’t think the follow up book to one of the best books in the modern age about feel good found family foster family could get any better. But I was proven wrong. The sequel gives you all you need. You can tell the author felt the pain of our world as he wrote this but the children and characters give those stories life. I cried I laughed. There is nothing quite like it.

2. The Spirit Bares It’s Teeth by Andrew Joseph White 🏳️‍⚧️💕😱🩸👁️🐰 You know what I am putting this one as 2 because despite it making me have countless panic attacks because I’m not fond of… gore? Horror? I adored this book still thinking about it. The romance is 10/10 T4T. I adored the mystery and intrigue. The main character is autistic and very anxiety ridden I can’t describe to you how this book will change you. Although approach with caution.

3. The Disabled Tyrant’s Beloved Pet Fish Vol2. 🏳️‍🌈🐟🤴🏻🤣 mild 🌶️ on a completely different note the “IS THAT MAN IN LOVE WITH A FISH” is a treat that always surprises me with the amount I love it. Maybe I am trash crazy but I find this funny easy to read and in this second book we got even more time with the fish and his prince actually in human shape. The miscommunication trope is strong with this one but so is consent and romance. Idk I just fucking love it. I want the prince to become emperor with his fishy lover haha.

4. The Name Bearer by Natalia Hernandez 💃💐🏳️‍🌈👩‍❤️‍👩💜💜 Okay quick disclaimer here the book is an classic style fantasy journey it is slow. However I really loved how beautifully thought out the universe was it’s a latinx woman forward book. The romance is not the point but it feels very natural which I appreciate. Main character might even be ace spec. There are great side characters. I really love the apprentice wizard but WARRIOR NUNS!!! Hehehe also things seem to be not what they seem which is always cool. I’d definitely suggest this to any fantasy lover.

5. Grandmaster of Demon Cultivation the comic vol 1-3 🏳️‍🌈👬🪄🪦💀🫏necromancer evil wizard is reincarnated into his nephew’s body years after his death. Or is he evil? Or is he 🏳️‍🌈? Hahah yes he is. Anyways in the present he’s finding the consequences of his actions while his…. Love interest is going to make sure nothing happens to this version of him. You slowly get the past. I find the comic is the easiest way to consume this fantasy story. Yes there is anime, book, and a Netflix series and a new Japanese manga is being released but I like this one. 🤷🏻‍♀️

6. Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire 💜🪦🚪 about a school for those who come back from other universes and long to go back. Main Character is probably ace spec. Very interesting fantasy book for someone who consumed a lot of fantasy as a child. Thought it was also very thoughtful book. I had fun it’s not super surprising or new ground but I enjoyed it for a quick read.

7. Spell Bound by FT Lukens 🏳️‍🌈🐈‍⬛🧙‍♀️🧑‍💻 well it’s YA. Out of the other FT Lukens books I semi enjoyed this one. The characters are still dumb as rocks and the setting could use some more fleshing. But it’s okay. For a fun quick read that semi reminds you of urban fantasy? It’s good. The side ship found family was a little forced but I enjoyed the side characters.

8. Psalm for the wild built 💜🍵🤖🏕️ it’s a chill cozy book for people who are over worked. I’d say if you want scifi it’s not. It’s closer to fantasy. Very short and preachy.

9. Casefile Compendium vol2 by Meatbun 🏳️‍🌈🩸🌶️🚩🔍🐉🥼 Danmei Murder mystery modern times age gap. Does have 2 chapters of non consent and absolutely off the wall opinions about the medical industry.

10. Otherworldly by FT Lukens 🧚‍♂️🏳️‍🌈🥶❄️ YA familiar escapes fairy world finds a skeptical person decides they’ll def fall in love and make a deal. I listened to 50% the characters are intensely idiotic and just…. So so so blind. I couldn’t do it. The skeptic is a person who moved to the city for their family but they do stuff for their family without really caring for them I’m just not buying it. The familiar is infact a psychopath or so low iq he doesn’t care to live or feel or observe anything in 5 years. So so so stupid. Omg.

I had several DNF

I made my parents listen to Ocean’s Echo by Everina Maxwell in my mission to make my parents less homophobic. My mom enjoyed it. My dad said it was way too gay. 😩 man I wish it was way too gay.

What am I reading next? Hummm idk yet. Suggestions are always appreciated!!!

[beanghostprincess]

Getting one last Shuggy Valentine’s Day thing in before it’s over over here.

Apprentice era Buggy always loudly proclaiming how Valentines is stupid and useless and Shanks being the kind of person to think it’s sweet. Buggy doesn’t care, it’s not like they actually know anyone they could give chocolates to either. Or so he thought. Because now he’s staring at the heart shaped package in Shanks drawer in confusion. Where did Shanks get this? For WHO did Shanks get this? Is this sinking feeling in his stomach his guilt for constantly snooping around in Shanks belongings finally catching up to him? No. No that can’t be it. In all honesty he’s just annoyed. Yes! Annoyed and DISGUSTED. The idea of Shanks wanting to court anyone makes his skin crawl. What is he THINKING? He’s just doing this to make him mad. That’s JUST what Shanks is like. All, “Oh Buggy look at me giving away random Valentines because I’m so smart and funny and cute.” Blergh! Always one upping him.

He grabs the box in irritation and unwraps it swiftly. Well two can play this game. Couldn’t even come up with a better gift that UNFLASHY son of a bitch. That chocolate is good stuff he has to admit though. Fancy, high class stuff, three whole layers of it and that thing is already as big the brim of Shanks hat. So decadent. Whoever this was for must be really lucky. Really lucky… His stomach turns at the thought. Or maybe it’s just because he just got done eating the pralines from the first layer of the gift that his definitely, very much not a crush got for his mystery valentine. He continues eating out of pure spite. He’ll show him…

And that’s the story of how on the day Shanks finally confessed to Buggy, one day before Valentine’s Day, the latter was sick to his gills because he ate all of the sweets, that Shanks had planned to give to him anyways, in the span of 30 minutes. “Pray tell.” Shanks asks, trying not to laugh at his stupid, horrible friend (his stupid, horrible BOYFRIEND, he’s still so giddy about it) still clutching his stomach and cooped up in bed even after he got done spewing over the railing. “For who did you THINK those where if not you?” Buggy just groans and detaches a hand so he can rub his middlefinger all over Shanks laughing face.

They're so stupid 😭 Don't you love how all of their issues would be solved if they TALKED and COMMUNICATED????????????? But they don't because they're dumbasses. I love tiny Shuggy,, They're so in love and so happy and silly to be together,, Buggy being jealous as if he wasn't the only guy their age in that ship lmao. Idiots. Both of them. They're adorable. Every time they eat chocolate Shanks can't help but remind Buggy what he did-- They'll never forget it but it's kind of sweet.

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Thrift store Westerns I've never heard of part 2!

SHOOT FIRST AND PRAY YOU LIVE (Because Luck Has Nothing to Do With It) is an indie film from 2009 and winner of the independent spirit award at Santa Fe Film Festival, apparently. Wikipedia says it was based on the novel Luck by Max Brand. It's got everything! It's got maybe in fact too much going on! It's got split screen, it's got a brief animated sequence, it's got so many fucking flashbacks.

Opens with this, which I find very funny for some reason:

While we're on disclaimers, my quotations are summarized and not exact bc I am not going over ever few seconds of this movie. Also this movie is rated R so assume Yes for most common western content warnings.

Very GBU intro with about 10 seconds of empty street, a surprise close-up and then a tense shootout that we'll only have context for later. I hope.

The first real scene introducing our main character (Red Pierre) is a very gory shootout in a saloon. The shots themselves are fast and then we get a blow-by-blow of exactly where each of the 3 shots fired went. Lots of squirting blood from exploded arteries. I respect it but also was deliberately not looking at the screen too hard for like a solid 30 seconds or so lol. Red's first shot was shooting his opponent's thumb off, so he pulled a Silence a la The Great Silence. However in this case it was not simply a disabling move bc he did just keep shooting and murder those 2 guys. also. so. not sure what the point of that was.

Then he turns around and makes awkward eye contact with the only other guy who hasn't left the saloon, an old man who makes a high-pitched sound and goes 'I didn't see anything! Actually, no, I saw everything and you were totally in the right hahaha don't even worry about it....' Red asks if he has a horse and he stammers that he's got a burro and Red is welcome to take it. "My horse died, or I wouldn't ask," Red clarifies awkwardly, before escaping with the old man's burro. It's now night, Red frees a Mexican man whom some nasty gang members were hanging from a tree as a form of torture. Red waits at the tree, presumably waiting for these guys to show up so he can kill them? idk. He falls asleep immediately and wakes up being guarded by the daughter of the aforementioned gang leader.

fuckin womp womp sound effect plays as he realizes what happened. My guy what did you expect? Why did you go to sleep at the Local Asshole Gang's Designated Torture Tree?

STOP LOOKING SURPRISED YOU HAD TO KNOW THEY WERE COMING BACK.

Anyways the gang leader's son just got killed and then he saw Red and was like, oh yeah I hear he's killed people. Good enough! New son figure and new gang member to fill the empty seat at the table! (Everyone thinks this is a terrible idea, especially gun girl. Red is like 'you're right, what a terrible idea, I'll just... leave.... *gun pointed at him threateningly* ok or not or I'll just sit here I guess')

There's a bit where the camera zooms in on individual gang members and names them. There is no way I am remembering all 5 of these guys at once. The girl's name is Jack though. Cool. Her dad is a creep and does not seem to like her much He does, he just gets really weird dialogue. idk, I have mixed but not very coherent feelings about how Jack is handled in this movie like, generally. Anyways gang leader Jim Payne comments that Red is 'older than I thought, but young enough for what I want to make of you.' He then goes on a rant about how when he was Red's age he had a mentor who shaped him into the man he is now and he's going to be that person for Red.

Red is....

Deeply confused by all this?? but willing to roll with it for his own agenda. If the gang helps him out with some Mysterious Tasks he needs to accomplish, he'll join them willingly. Payne is delighted to hear it. The first task is burying Red's dead father. Everyone chews on some loco weed and gets high as shit before setting off on this long journey (except for Knife Guy, who I guess is loco enough without the weed and thus declines it.)

TWENTY YEARS AGO (we are getting an extended flashback)

Pierre's dad, who is now dead and needs to be buried, was having an affair with Red Pierre's mom. Bob McGurk and the other guys Red wants to revenge kill show up at his mom's house and shoot some guy and assault her. (I thought the guy they shot was her dad but eventually, in a later flashback, we find out it was just like. some other dude she happened to know, and that the killers thought it was Red's dad). She swears to kill them all and eventually manages to kill the sheriff, leaving 2 others for someone else to please take care of.

Red Pierre's dad simply can't, because he is wearing a sweater. He can't shoot no one! Not in a sweater! Despite his extended musings about what a terrible man he was and how he's going to hell, he's apparently just not a shooting man, thus letting his girlfriend be tortured by the local gang for months (yes this went on for Months before she managed to stab the sheriff.) He's also not a "raising my illegitimate son" type apparently, so he drops the kid off at a random Mexican mission to be raised by the friars.

the subtitles helpfully provide pronunciation. Also, THIS PLACE IS LIKE 900 MILES FROM THE BORDER? IS THIS WHOLE MOVIE TAKING PLACE FULLY INSIDE MEXICO (IF SO WHY IS ALMOST EVERYONE WHITE AND SPEAKING AMERICAN ACCENTED ENGLISH) AND IF NOT, DID THIS GUY RIDE 900 MILES TO DROP OFF THE KID HE DIDN'T WANT TO RAISE SOMEWHERE HE WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER FIND HIS WAY BACK???? WHAT'S HAPPENING. WHY ISN'T RED SPEAKING SPANISH IF HE WAS RAISED DEEP IN CENTRAL MEXICO. HOW DID WE GET HERE. HOW DID WE GET ANYWHERE. WHY ARE YOU SO INSISTENT ABOUT THIS SPECIFIC GEOGRAPHICAL LOCATION THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. LIke don't get me wrong it's a very cool geographical location but what is happening.

Anyways, Red's dying mother whispered something (I thought it was her murderous plans but it will later be revealed that I was wrong about this) into his baby ears as he lay in her dying arms and now he's gotta go murder the bad guys that terrorized his mom but first must bury his illegitimate dad who was nice to his mom but did not protect her from the other guys and also did not claim or raise him bc the dad was married to some other unseen unnamed woman who is presumably also dead now I guess bc she's just not ever going to come up. Simple! I'm so confused. The priest who raised Red after he got yeeted 900 miles south into Mexico has a monologue about raising his beloved child and WAIT HOLY SHIT IT'S ANIMATED NOW. WE'RE HAVING AN ANIMATED SEQUENCE???

I swear to God I am not making this movie up. delightful. what is happening ever. anyways no wonder Red just goes "this might as well happen" about acquiring a new father figure in Payne, he has so many fuckingn dads already...

The priest is like 'yeah I didn't even try to raise him to be a good Christian I knew he was destined to be a total badass adn beat people the fuck up so I taught him to fight bobcats and grizzly bears and climb trees and catch fish with his teeth and shit. bc I'm cool'

The priest then coyly mentions that Pierre is too much of a badass in the boxing ring and nobody wants to fight him, so he uses him as a form of penance on sinners by making them box this violent child and get beat up.

THIS IS NOT THE SAME MAN? THIS IS NOT OUR GUY? DID HE LOSE ALL HIS PIGMENTATION AS HE MATURED. DID A GRIZZLY BEAR BITE ALL THE BROWN OUT OF HIS HAIR AND NOW IT'S RED? WHAT HAPPENED. THIS IS NOT A RED HAIRED BLUE EYED KID. IS OUR CURRENT GUY NOT RED PIERRE? IS HE ACTUALLY SOME OTHER DUDE? IS RED PIERRE (THE REAL ONE) GOING TO SHOW UP LATER??? WHAT'S HAPPENING. (This kid is a very good actor and a good fighter by the way, but he is not a good double for the guy he is allegedly the child version of.)

His opponent mumbles "que diablo" as he's getting knocked out with the most American pronunciation I've ever heard. I don't even know Spanish that well adn I can tell that's some extremely American Spanish. also

thank God we're free of the flashback. We've been here so long. No specific time given bc that would require me going back through this and I don't want to reexperience it.

...My theory about this flashback is it's showing us in realtime how Red's story becomes a legend (part of the intro featured a guy telling us and a bunch of children a story about The Legend Of Red Pierre so Storytelling is like, a Theme.) I guess? It would explain why current Red is kind of a sweet awkward quiet kid and flashback Red is Paul Bunyan if he was a ginger (but only sometimes.)

aww novice Red is so cute.

YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SHOW ME A MAP MONTAGE? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO REMIND ME OF THE 900 MILE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOUR STATED CURRENT SETTING AND WHERE THE REST OF THIS MOVIE SUPPOSEDLY TAKES PLACE? YOU WANT ME TO THINK ABOUT DISTANCE IN THIS MOVIE?? ARE YOU SURE

oh my god we get another different flashback about Red's mom Irene now and. His dad fully was there the day that the gang killed that other guy and assaulted her. he had a gun. he had the drop on them. he... ran awayyy! It haunted him. Finally, years later, he took his gun and went to shoot McGurk, who shot him instead. that's how we ended up here, Red still has 2 guys left to kill for his parents. I've now heard this story like 19 times and it gets slightly more complicated and yet somehow less interesting every time.

Red's batshit crazy rogue priest daddy is ok with the revenge and gives him a???? Cursed crucifix??? that will bring blessings to him and evil to others?????? What's happening. I was raised Catholic I did not get any magical amulets like this

ok so we're caught up. Red killed one of the 2 guys in the first big shootout of the movie, his dad was the guy getting shot in the intro. Jack joins the men officially as part of the gang. We are now getting backstory for some random gang member whom I do not care about.

Blessedly this was a short flashback. he used to be a blacksmith before he went axe crazy, or more accurately hammer crazy, with a hammer. I think he had some reason but I couldn't understand the dialogue in that bit so who knows.

OH NO ANOTHER GANG MEMBER IS GOING TO TELL HIS LIFE STORY NOW... IS THIS GOING TO BE THE WHOLE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE? PEOPLE TAKING TURNS TALKING ABOUT THE VIOLENCE THEY'VE DONE? wait a minute. false alarm. the next guy starts his story but is INTERRUPTED! By McGurk dramatically showing up. Ok fine that was funny. you got me.

anyways McGurk wants Red dead. what a shock. oh god another flashback PLEASE DO NOT ZOOM IN ON MCGURK PULLING HIS WIENER OUT PLEASE GOD

I do like the period accurate costuming in this movie. buttons yes. can I be done here? can the movie be over here? we're not even halfway in how can I endure this.

anyways. Red and McGurk have a showdown and fire simultaneously, each wounding the other. The other gang is delighted by this as the previously untouchable McGurk being wounded means his charm is broken. He can be killed! Eventually. (?)

The storyteller from the beginning of the movie comes back and tells us that McGurk disappeared for 2 years and that Red did lots of exciting stuff during that time but we're not going to get into all that right now. He also mentions that Red has the gang working with him while McGurk has 'always been a lone wolf'. This is straight up incorrect, as we had to see at least 3 painfully long flashbacks of McGurk and his 2-3 (I forgot) cronies shooting Red's mom Irene's friend full of holes and assaulting her. As a group! He did in fact have help before, if maybe not now. anyways. I shouldn't try to logic this movie.

The kids go to a masquerade. It's cute. Jack is enjoying the dress but worries it'll compromise her tough butch persona if the boys find out. Red promises not to tell anyone. There's a trippy extended rewind sequence that shows, everything playing in reverse, that McGurk, now wearing an eyepatch, has been stalking them all day, and then a completely unnecessary but in parts very funny sequence where McGurk gets a shave and the barber gossips to him about his backstory , providing a couple details we hadn't known but that I don't think matter much. 'now I never even seen a picture of McGurk, but they say he was an unnatural looking man, with a face you'd never forget,' says the barber, dabbing shaving cream onto McGurk's face. lol. It gets to be too much when the barber implies that McGurk dragged himself off into the wilderness and died somewhere, never to be heard of again. McGurk, very alive, pulls out his gun and asks if Red is still alive, and where to find him, thus bringing us back to before the masquerade, though first we must get ANOTHER flashback showing that McGurk did indeed drag himself off into the wilderness and ALMOST die, and he spent the whole time thinking about how much he hated Red.

Then there's a bit from I guess before the masquerade in which one of the gang members gets jittery over one of the others not showing up on time and tells Red he's bad luck, despite Jim Payne's argument that he's brought them nothing but good luck for these past 2 years. Red and the complainer square up for a duel and the other gang members go wait outside. We get some split screen of inside and outside the building:

It's fun but I'm not sure why it needed to happen. The complainer decides to just Not today and slinks off, but Jim mumbles that the other gang members will have to pick sides and a breakup is coming. We exit split screen. Then for no discernible reason we re-enter split screen.

Split screen gives us 2 slightly different shots of the same porch scene for a very funny and confusing moment, then McGurk steps into view in one shot while the gang doesn't notice him in the other. He shoots Jim Payne, Rodrigo and I think that's hammer guy? I think he killed the other non-complainer gang member earlier but the 2 guys sitting outside were shooting at a wasp and therefore didn't hear his shots, which happened at the same time? That section was confusing.

Ok NOW we're back up to the masquerade, and we have to watch a bunch of the same shots again. No wonder this movie is nearly 2 hours, it's mostly repetition, a lot of it of the same couple of flashbacks. Anyways, McGurk shows up at the masquerade, threatens Red, dances with Jack. Red gets knocked unconscious by someone and wakes up tied to a post in the middle of nowhere.

Oh look, Chollas! That places this movie as taking place in the Sonoran Desert, so somewhere in Arizona, southern American California, parts of Nevada or New Mexico, Baja California (unlikely) or northwestern Mexico. Filming apparently took place in New Mexico. You will notice that zero of these places are ANYWHERE near the one SPECIFICALLY NAMED location with title card and everything, TzinTzunTzan Mexico. No I'm not done being annoying about this I'm never done. Does anyone know how distances work?

Anyways. Red is tied up, concussed and dehydrated. The complainer from the gang shows up and mocks him. It was he who kidnapped Red! And now he's going to kill him. But fairly, of course. He'll give Red a weapon--he places it in his left hand and leaves him tied up, of course. And I am going to turn on captions for these because I need you to see that I'm not making this dialogue up oh my God.

"Because I face my challenges head-on! Like a train going down the tracks! I love trains. ...Robbing... trains."

Red shoots the complainer, whose name I will never not mishear as Gandalf (it's Gandall or something?) and then Some Guy happens along to find Red. I'm pretty sure this is the same guy he freed from being tied to a tree at the start of the movie but I'm not sure. The guy comments 'it's only fair' as he releases Red, so maybe I'm right? It's not super obvious if they recognize each other or not. He does threaten Red a bit first before freeing him. idk.

Anyways I think this man is hot and watching him playfully mess with Red a bit before releasing him was the closest I've come to sexualizing anyone in this movie. Mostly I have been too confused and haven't cared about anyone enough.

Red, now freed, finds McGurk McLurking over his mother's grave and yells at him to get away from it, furious. They have a showdown. Red shoots McGurk's gun hand, then drops his own gun and dares McGurk to try to pick his up faster. McGurk doesn't move. Red mocks him, then finally tells him that there would be no satisfaction in killing him like this, even though Red could, and to get out. McGurk leaves his gun, throws his belt of ammunition in Red's general direction and skedaddles. A flashback reveals that Irene told Red's presumed father whom he buried in the beginning of the movie that McGurk was the young Red's father (I did wonder about that. But also how did she know? Red was redhaired like his father. Well I guess his non-father was more blond but like. He definitely doesn't look like McGurk. And all those creeps had their way with her so like. how do we... know... that it's him.... in particular. None of these guys had red hair also. except maybe his dad who wasn't his dad.) but anyways... in Red's non-dad's one moment of bravery, he picked up baby Red, saw McGurk McLurking outside, and shouted 'the boy's mine. Get out!' at him. And McGurk actually McLeft. In the present, once again, he runs away from Red. an interesting ending, though I'm not sure I'd call it a satisfying one--maybe if it was more "Red is sticking to his moral principles of not killing where avoidable" was more of a Thing up to this point, but like, Red has killed a bunch of people and not seemed to mind joining the outlaw gang and presumably doing a bunch of crime with them for 2 years. So. idk??

It's then revealed via, surprise, ANOTHER FLASHBACK that Red had given the magical cross amulet thing to Jack before their dance and so has been winning these last fights with his own skill and no luck, which is a fun reveal I guess. It then cuts to Jack who has been caught and tied up by bandits though, so like, I guess the cross does not work at all bc that is just some real bad luck for her. So. What was the point of any of this?

The movie ends there. No explanation of what's going on with Jack. We do not see her get rescued. I don't even know who those guys that tied her up are. We've never seen them before. What the fuck is happening. ROLL CREDITS!

Ok thoughts: idk interesting movie. I didn't feel strongly about it. I think it's clear the people making it were having a lot of fun so that's cool. Red was kind of a fun character, especially when he's awkward and dorky. Very lovable. However his motivations and general morality are an enigma to me. For a guy who has that much exposition about him I'm really very confused about what's going on with him, which does not seem like it should be possible at this point.

Jack was potentially a fun character but I feel her dad was so weird about her gender while I didn't have a solid grip on how she felt about it herself. It's implied that she has to be a man to join the gang and her dad allows it as long as she dresses masc and shoots guns but views her as neither man nor woman. Potentially fun concept.. I really wish we didn't end the movie with a casual non sequitur of her getting attacked by some random dudes. Do we not have enough women experiencing violence in this movie already. It's in every fuckign western I watch and I am just so tired of it.

idk. I think Red should've shot McGurk. It's not like he was Not shooting anyone else. Why would he shoot all those other guys and NOT McGurk. Maybe he thinks it's crueller to make him live knowing that he had to run away from Red. idk. Also why did we have those two (and a half? there's a brief moment where he talks to someone in a saloon?) sequences of the storyteller talking about the legend of Red Pierre? What did that add?

I did like some of the humor in this movie. Generally I think it was rather incoherent but had some fun along the way. Maybe too much, to a confusing degree. I also liked the costuming and how dusty and greasy everyone looks.

I feel like maybe the characterization was clearer in the book but falls flat or just seems confusing in a movie... this is just a theory though.

Anyways. Unexpected parallels between this movie and the other western I'd never heard about before finding it at a thrift store and making a tumblr post about, Gallowwalkers:

-Some kind of secret society of magical wizards which is vaguely Catholicism-flavored and described as a religious order despite having absolutely nothing to do with real world Catholicism

-Older, morally questionable gunfighter notices a conventionally attractive younger white boy and immediately goes "that's my new boy. I'm adopting him. Boy, hello, I am your new mentor, whether you want one or not. Come shoot people with me." In both cases it's so weird and flat and confusing that I don't even ship it, despite being a known freak and Wanting to...

-generally confusing movie. Too much going on that is never fully explained and yet the stuff that is explained gets too wordy.

Anyways I skipped through the credits to the end looking for some explanation of the ending and did get this:

To be continued?? you thought you were going to make another one of these? well that explains the ending I guess. oh well.

There actually WAS also a brief funny stinger of the shopkeeper whom Red and Jack held up and told to lie on the floor and count to 5000 reaching 4998 and going "To hell with this" and getting up. lol.

[partywithponies]

Glossary of media discussion terms I invented myself and then bring up casually as though you should know what I mean (AKA Tash Translation Guide):

The Inherent Eroticism of Solving Crimes Together:

the simple fact that the kinds of common character dynamics between the two leads of any given detective or mystery or police show (i.e. trust, devotion, talk of being "partners", sneaking around together in the dead of night) are often very easily read as romantic or sexual to fandom-brained people, even if that obviously wasn't the intention. Even if one of them's already married. Even if there's a 30 year age gap. Doesn't matter

The Holliday Grainger Effect/Holliday Grainger Syndrome:

Named for the actress Holliday Grainger and the MULTIPLE TIMES she has been cast as the less attractive/less desirable narrative foil to the more conventionally attractive and desirable female lead, as though we're all supposed to pretend Holliday Grainger isn't also an incredibly beautiful woman

The Milton Keynes Conspiracy:

Named for my joke conspiracy theory about the teen soap Grange Hill, in which I claim that within the Grange Hill universe, Milton Keynes isn't actually a real place, and that whenever a character disappears suddenly with the only explanation given being that they "moved to Milton Keynes", that was just code for them having been disappeared by the government for getting too close to The Truth™️, and every time something odd or unexplained happens or something major is just brushed under the rug and forgotten about, that was all just shady alien-related government activity and all part of The Milton Keynes Conspiracy. I tend to bring up The Milton Keynes Conspiracy whenever a show's canon, continuity, or geography makes absolutely no sense under close scrutiny and the only "logical" explanations left are things like time loops or aliens or cracks in space and time or government conspiracies.

Bastard Man (Affectionate) and Bastard Man (Derogatory):

A very important distinction. The sparknotes version is that a Bastard Man (Affectionate) is a Card Carrying Bastard who does it all with charm and charisma and confidence, knows they're a bastard and takes a twisted pride in it, and is at least funny about it, while the Bastard Man (Derogatory) is just whiny and sad and won't actually admit to being a bastard man, and usually the narrative won't admit it either and keeps treating him like a tragic hero no matter what. Has a tendency to just get away with stuff with no payoff and isn't even funny about it. Shares a lot of DNA with:

Sadboy:

My absolute least favourite character archetype, though that's purely subjective and there are still SOME Sadboys I like. I know that my opinions are not universal because part of the reason I have such a visceral dislike for them is because they're often tumblr sexymancoded and I cannot escape them in the show's tags. They're wet. They're pathetic. They're miserable. And they're pretty. Usually played by a skinny pale white boy. (Like I said. Tumblr sexymancoded). And because of this, the show and the fandom alike will expect you to ignore the fact they're an awful person and excuse everything they've ever done wrong. Look, you can't be mad at them, look how sad they are about it. Look at their big wet puppydog eyes. In fact they haven't done anything wrong at all and you're crazy for saying they have. It's everyone who was mean to him who is wrong and his wife/girlfriend is a bitch for getting mad at him. He's just a sad wet little meow meow. Ugh. Disgusting. When will [REDACTED ACTORS HERE] answer for what they and their characters have done to me.

[chaotic-nick]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* BLEACH ACTOR/ MEDIA AU HEADCANONS || pt.1

note: Brought to you by a former media student [this is my way of a late graduation celebration on this app. And a gift to you guys because you saw my journey from going back to uni after a gap year and my internships] and now media/ comm practitioner 🥺

warnings: Scandals, unedited, mistakes [im doing this on my phone], toxicity

actor au - modern au

Actor Yamamoto! would be a veteran actor that pioneered a certain genre or a specific scene that was present in all the movies he stared in when he was younger. Filming Bleach was an unexpected role. Because in his 30-year-career of action/drama/slapstick/mystery movies, he thought that his wrinkled body at an old age wouldn't land him anymore roles.

- Definitely the type who's strict and would throw acting lines in between takes at younger costars

- All of the Captain-lieutenant actors was told that the 'main captain' would be a veteran actor. None of them expected that it would be him.

- Filming was delayed by a day because every actor that walked into the room was starstruck and suddenly forgot how to act

ACTOR Jushiro! Wanted to pursue theatre studies but financial constraints said no. Still wanting to pursue a career in media, he attended an open University and studied Broadcasting Arts instead.

In his first day as an intern, he was put to test and was tasked to write articles. At the end of his first month, he was put in front of the camera.

Jushiro who was happy he was in front of the camera as an Afternoon newscaster, was called to his Boss' office three weeks later.

In front of him was the series' casting director and director, both of them agreeing that his face looked more angelic in real life than the news.

News events didn't suit a face like that anyway, he was fit for a gentle captain.

Actor Jushiro! found his way back home to his initial dream.

His background in Broadcasting helped him give articulate answers at movie premieres and red carpet events.

Always seen with his hair tied low and in a black suit, nodding along to the interviewers question.

one time the interviewer was an old classmate of his, it was then the world saw a more hyper version of himself.

Very much involved with the framing process of scenes

Actor Shunsui! Who's either gone too quiet or has the tabloids running after him. For the most normal things, too. Everything he did was a big deal. After all he came from a well known Business family.

'Kyoraku son photographed wasted and escorted out of Kyoto bar'

'Sex, Scandals, and guitar strings: Exclusive cover of what Japan's hottest actor does on his nights off'

It's funny how he accumulated a magazine tower of bizarre articles and has gotten used to the lens following him around.

Actor Shunsui would start as a child actor, starring in commercials because of his mother. His father forbidding him to pursue acting and to focus on the family business was acceptable at first.

His father divorcing his mother and telling the board of directors that actresses are good entertainers but not wives, was not.

Shunsui genuinely loved acting. All the things he did on the side, it was to spite his father.

"How serious are you with your craft?" Asked Yamamoto when Shunsui showed up hungover at filming day. It was only through Yamamoto that Shunsui felt a father's care.

Actor Shunsui who can buy his privacy, bit chooses not to and does more things that'll spite his father more. Who even goes as far as saying "He can only see me on paper. He'll have to come to my mother and I if he's genuinely asking for forgiveness"

Actor Unohana comes to me as Michelle Yeoh of the Bleach actor Au-verse

Definitely the type/ cast member whose personality is close to the character she plays. Is composed.

Very much involved in the scriptwriting process of the series and is always seen next to the director with a script rolled up, talking amongst themselves as their eyes scan actor after actor.

Has the most confusing humour on set, would say the most childish things in the sternest tone.

Starred in other big name shows such as FMaB, JJK [pls JUST UNDERSTAND THE VISION]

Is always partnered with Ukitake on red carpets because of her answers.

Actor Byakuya! a nepotism child. He's a distant relative of Unohana but listen. A nepotism child but what's more surprising is that an actor who's a tenured professor in a College of Communications in prestigious universities. It surprises people so much that they forget he's a nepo-beb

- His tone scares alot of new students, but plenty of his former students would laugh about how he just agreed to anything and doesn't seem to give harsh feedback despite trying to.

- Would specialise in Communication Research and Communication theories.

one time he was asked to teach an introduction to film subject for a semester, and took his students to the filming of the bleach episodes.

immediately after the director yelled cut, Professor Byakuya mode entered, saying, "I expect a paper on what shots were used and the importance of it to the story. That is your midterm."

Starred in a number of films and shows. His voice alone made him a host for a number of awarding events.

Has a special place for bleach, would automatically say yes and sign a contract. But with other offers he would immediately tell that he's busy for the semester.

Being an actor-professor would be annoying. Rapid taps of his fingertips on his laptop would ruin so many silent scenes, always has his laptop hidden in the scene and pulls it out just as the director is about yell cut.

Wandered into the wrong studio once after a marathon of teaching classes and was confused why everyone wore uniforms and hung on the ceilings [JJK Reference]

Definitely started wearing Haoris out of habit after many, many seasons on bleach.

Actor Aizen! Who's roots started as an idol trainee but debuted as an actor in romance films. Always the second lead that never received loved. His crying scenes broke the hearts of many and garnered fans.

He wanted to be challenged and not remain the second lead, wowed the casting directors with his monologue.

Almost backed out of the season when he read the tweets that questioned if a romance actor was fit for a show like bleach.

Another actor that received Yamamoto's wisdom. "You can't control many things, your craft is something that you can." Was all he offered when he heard Aizen's sniffle in a cubicle.

Aizen who's seemingly composed on red carpets, but breaks down to kpop idol rely dances in variety shows and is unashamed to dance to any choreo.

TWICE STAN ACTOR AIZEN IMAGINE THIS PLEASE

Actor Aizen always seen in airports, a Birkin and cardigans. "Look at him and his role" "love the duality" "I stan" "this guy can play god, but can stan harder" are the variations of tweets in everytime a new candid photo of him is released.

[moononmyfloor]

In the 1st Quarter of 2024 Cdramaland...

2nd Quarter, 3rd Quarter, 4th Quarter

1. The First Drama I Watched

The Hope

Nothing can be better than a Zhang Ruoyun drama to start the year with. One of the best High School shows I've seen in the recent years, it had an amazing balance of explosive emotions of youth and jaded realism. It would appeal to viewers of all age ranges and I felt so so much nostalgia and relatability from beginning to the end. It was funny, it was smart, it was beautifully acted down to every minor role. (I pretend that last 30 minutes didn't happen, though)

.

2. Actors I Newly Discovered

Wang Qiang (as Li Ran from The Hope), Zheng Hehuizi as Yang Caiwei from In Blossom)

LOOK at that babie😭🥺. Don't you want to pinch his cheeks? One of the most darling characters I had pleasure of watching recently, I wish a bright, bright future career for Wang Qiang. He portrayed the classic outwardly-prickly, marshmallow-inside teenager archetype with amazing nuance.

And Yang Caiwei oh Yang Caiwei.... as one of the shows and characters that created quite the buzz recently, I don't have anything more to add to the discussion. I can only say: lady, thank you for taking up a role that is FINALLY convincingly scarred, unkempt, dirty and not strikingly goddess-y from the first glance, and playing her with such gusto the true, genuine beauty of the character was drawn out with no external effort at all.

.

3. BGM I Fell in Love With

The Hope

This drama utilized music so beautifully than 99% idol romance dramas ever would. Atmospheric music that elevated the scenes with lyrics that fit, not to mention writing three whole songs to be FULLY performed in-drama for character purposes. It felt like a musical at times. Talk about dedication.

.

4. Best Wardrobe

Pan Yue's, from In Blossom, Legend of Shen Li (Only few)

I mean

How many costume drama wardrobes can top these embroidery and visibly high quality fabric? Not to mention they actually look wearable in daily life, and not just ornate for "main character's costumes" reasons. They are actually quite simple, if you think a bit- but immensely tasteful. AND

My FAVORITE thing about not just his, but all costumes in this show that I've rarely seen other dramas do is: They repeated the costumes! Many times! Almost all of them! And that added so much to the groundedness of the character. Rich young master having a runway-worthy wardrobe? Nothing new. Him wearing them again and again because that's what a normal, reasonable person does? I'm sold.

I loved the plain but in an elegant and carefree way styling of the two leads of Shen Li whenever they were having recluse times. *This* is exactly how I imagine immortals too- just vibing and not decked in gold from head-to-toe because they are simply beyond it. Whenever the show changed to the typical bejewelled guzhuang garb in heaven scenes, it immeadietely visually reduced the show to just another xianxia. First Till the End of the Moon and now this😭. Guys, pick a consistent style and rock it proudly! A signature look is very important especially if you are aiming to create an impactful all-powerful character! I see no reason the gods couldn't do all the grand court and fight scenes in these robes either, honestly that would've served drive home the nail that the gods function on a different wavelength than humans.

(Also Wtf was even that Shen Li in a Greek goddess like getup? [last image] Not that it's not pretty BUT *waves hands around helplessly..)

.

5. Best Posters

In Blossom, Legend of Shen Li, The Hope, Baking Challenge

In Blossom posters had a perfect balance of traditional Chinese ethereal elegance mixed with gothic horror mystery vibes.

I LOVED the "how I imagine the peaceful cottagecore fairytale like life of my great-grandparents" vibe of Shen Li posters. It's giving lore.

Really liked the "hooligan teens on retro album cover" aesthetic of The Hope posters too.

The whimsical food posters of Baking Challenge were also fun.

.

6. The Drama that was Most Disappointing

Detective Chinatown 2

I didn't even know a Detective Chinatown S2 was even coming like...until it did and it was like a second new year because I LOVED that show and it was the most unexpected pleasant surprise of the year- especially when almost all the main cast members were returning. And the first few eps were amazing too and didn't do a disservice at all to the previous season and I got my hopes up thinking we'll get to see a continuation of the Roy Chiu-Janine Chang arc too... only for the show to pull the rug and did the exact same thing as the previous season- the main character withdrew from the story by midpoint. Oh my gods. I want to find this show's creators and give them a good shake. Have some Janine jiejie pics from first season though just for the nostalgia's sake.

.

7. An Underappreciated Drama that Deserves a Rec

Baking Challenge

If you aren't deterred by barely-legible machine subs, give this one a try. It's a fun little food drama that doesn't take itself seriously yet has a lot of heart. And for The Untamed fans, there's our Lan Sizhui (Zheng Fanxing) in it, and he's still the same cutie pie!

.

8. A Drama that I Found was Good but just Wasn't my Cup of Tea

Pegasus

I watched five episodes, it's a solid show, fun too, it's just that I'm not very into racing AND Hu Xianxu is still a baby in my head😭😂 To convince me that he's a rich CEO with his own romance and adult problems will take at least 20 more years!

I see him parading like this and couldn't help but want to laugh hysterically lol. IT'S NOT HIS FAULT. He's an amazing actor! But still..

I hope he doesn't try to force-rush his shift to adult characters, either.

.

More posts by me

[afreakingdork]

Weak Spot - Chapter 41

RotTMNT Donatello x Reader

@garbagemilkshake is really selling it with this week's chapter artwork 😏

Warnings: Aged-up Turtles, Romance, Meet Cute, Villain Donatello, Cussing, Crushes, Xenophobia, Fear, Intimidation, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Love, AFAB Reader, Vaginal Sex, Sex Rough, Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Creampie, Teasing, Scent Kink, Sexual Tension, Breeding Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Marathon Sex, Somnophilia, Intercrural Sex, Bondage, Feral Behavior, Feral Donatello (TMNT), Mating Cycles/In Heat, Public Sex

Synopsis:  A love story of villainous proportions! Though it hadn’t come easily, as these things rarely do, you found yourself in a whirlwind romance with a handsome and mysterious mutant. His idiosyncrasies had been easy to ignore as attraction grew into something more. However, will love endure when the unknowns about him end up being far darker than you ever considered?

It's wild that we've finally gotten here because it feels like it's been centuries, but this is the final chapter that includes a scene inspired by @some-guy-named-dominyk It dates back to when Weak Spot was still being conceptualized back in January! Huge shout-out and also how freaking far we've come!!!

Fem!Reader References/Warnings Below Cut

Also available on Ao3

First 💜 Previous

Last warning for the 🍋 under the cut. Minors DNI!

Fem!Reader References/Warnings: couple of bra mentions, impregnation mention, boob accentuation, folds teasing, getting wet

“Hey, Don?” From where your back was pressed to the flat of his side, you shifted your head against the bicep it was resting on. It accentuated the crook you’d carved out where you were comparing your nails to his.

“Hm?” You could feel him hum through his shell and how he had yet to stop scrolling on his phone.

“When’s your birthday?” You pressed your thumbs side by side to see if the texture was similar.

He made a small noise of recognition and you listened as he let his phone fall to his chest. “Approximately 35, hm.”

Squinting at how that wasn’t an answer, you turned a bit. It wasn’t enough to see him, but instead clip the canopy of your bed. “Donnie?”

“My age.” He clarified. 

“That’s not-” You gave a signaling grunt that you were going to roll over.

He adjusted his arm to give you room.

“-what I asked.” You looked at him, pressing your chin to his plastron.

“I don’t have one.”

“What?”

He gazed at you with faint amusement.

“So…” You felt your expression fall. “Every time you said ‘approximately’…?”

“No way to know for sure. My testing is as accurate as possible.”

“You said 35 now, so you obviously have a date you roll it over?”

The corner of his lip turned up and you felt the slide as the arm you’d been laying on came around your body. “The date is arbitrary.”

“It’s not funny. You’ve never had a birthday?” You tucked your chin down knowing it made you look up at him through your lashes.

The allure manifested in more affection. “What point is there to a mad man celebrating the passage of time?”

That made sense.

In a blink, you saw by how many levels.

There was little time for cake when he was scrambling not to starve as a child.

Balloons would have only hindered a fugitive teen.

He assumedly only wanted one prize in his 20s and that wasn’t something to be gift wrapped.

By 30, he was only starting out life and whipping up a party for one was a low priority.

In a bend, you felt him brush your shoulder before he pet your head. “Your thoughts?”

“I’m a little sad for you.” This time you sank down, dejected, until you could feel the rigid surface of his scutes against your lips.

He pressed his palm to the back of your head and coaxed your gaze to him. “I’m reminded of an Einstein quote.”

“’Time is relative?’” You only flicked your pupils to him before letting them fall.

“There is a continuation in some cases.”

With mild reluctance, you looked at him.

"'It's only worth depends upon what we do as it is passing.'"

The press of a digit said who he was referring to.

You softened with a pout. “Don…”

“Give me one.”

The jolt brought you all the way up to sitting.

His smile grew enough that it curled up the corners of his vision.

“Don, that’s like really important.”

“I know.” He’d had the reach to keep his hand on your head, but he let it cascade to your shoulder. There he gave a reassuring squeeze. “For you.”

Heart fluttering, you pursed your lips to think. “You switching to 35 now plus all the lost time makes me want to do it as soon as possible.”

“It can be tomorrow.” He offered with little weight.

“No, too soon.” You dismissed him absently as you wracked your brain. “Uh what star sign is it right now?”

Donnie seemed less amused as he arched his brow. Still, he relented and showed you his phone as he typed that query in. “Virgo.”

“Oh.” You spoke with a knowing air that he clearly didn’t comprehend. “Yeah, let me see.” You poured over his plastron and he offered up his phone. Tabbing over the date range you chuckled at the aspects of the sign.

Deals with information like a computer.

Chases after ideals to a destructive degree.

Must remember flaws are not defects.

A kind, supportive lover.

“This one for sure!”

Donnie sensed your amusement and pulled his phone back to review. “Inane.”

You laughed.

“For that reason?” He gave a face of disgust.

“No, just a happy coincidence.”

He exaggerated his expression.

You changed angles to peck his cheek. “One month from now and make it a weekend so…” You tipped his phone and in a few clicks had a calendar up. “September 17th.”

He made a show of rolling his eyes.

“Want to have a party?”

Coming down only partially from his grouch, he observed you. “What do you think?”

It wasn’t rhetorical and had you tapping a scute. “Like do I think you’ll have fun?”

“You have experience in the area. In addition to knowledge regarding me.”

“A small one.” You decided, giving him another kiss. “Anyone you’d like to invite or not?”

“The obvious.”

“Kaleb.” You agreed.

“Your friend group has been agreeable.” His look evened out to one you couldn’t quite read. “There’s been no move on their knowledge.”

“Yeah.” You felt as though you were giving whatever sentiment he had. That meant it was a sort of cautious optimism. “I think we’re okay.”

You felt a small pull in his body at your combined inference.

You smiled all the more. “We can find out by inviting them. If they’re really worried, they aren’t going to want to go to a villain’s birthday party.”

Donnie made a noise of agreement and gave a vague nod.

“We’ll rent out a bar.” You walked through your thoughts as they came up. “Cake, decorations, we should play catch up! Do some silly games that kids do, just cause. Why not? It’ll be fun as long as everyone commits! Then something more your style, like a trivia game?” You turned the question to him.

As he chewed the concept, his eyes lit up incrementally.

“We’ll have to do everyone versus you.”

“It still would not be a challenge.”

“You’ll have fun destroying us.”

“I aim for a perfect score.”

You chuckled and shared a kiss. “Flavor of cake?”

He hummed with interest. “Let’s order a nice one. You pick a style and I’ll schedule a tasting?” You watched as he disappeared into himself for a moment before snapping back to reality. “A preview.”

“You… aren’t talking about the birthday party…”

“No, I’m not.” He looked straight at you.

Where your heart was beating out of your chest before, it did a single leap to escape. “We haven’t-!”

“Discussed anything.” He agreed. “No rush, only a taste of what’s to come.”

Heat pooled in your cheeks and the weight brought your eyeseye down. “I do want to talk about it sometime.”

“We will.” He propped up on his elbows to catch you. “Not now. Birthday first.”

You nodded and kissed him to relieve the insistent ache.

He returned it with reassurance.

In a break for air, you spoke against his lips. “What can I get you?”

He stole an extra press before looking at you for clarity.

“A birthday gift. You’ll get gifts, so I’ll need ideas for the others, but I’m asking for me.”

“A gift…” He pondered and laid back into his pillow.

You cooled down your face before chasing him.

“Uranium.” He gave a bob of laughter.

From where you had just rested on his chest, your head shot up. “Like… the radioactive stuff!?”

He nodded, amused with himself. 

“Why?!”

“I’m not allowed.” He scratched your back to soothe your surprise.

You chuffed as his words did the opposite. “There’s a story there!”

Donnie’s eyes shot to the top right of his vision as if it was a great labor. “With its incredible amount of uses, it has somehow eluded me. I broke into many labs to retrieve some, but I was never once able to leave with it.”

You stared blankly.

“Nuclear weapon threat.” He clarified, nonchalant.

The corners of your lips dropped.

“It can be sold publicly under certain criteria, but I have been banned under an agreement.”

You pressed down on his plastron.

He feigned it pressing his lungs. “A stipulation of working with government approval. I’m not to come into possession of it by any means. They have multiple tracking programs that exist not to stop me, they know better, but to flag my entry into a system. My funding would be cut and all my projects seized and destroyed.”

You openly paled.

He gave a knowing huff. “Pity. Even if it could advance humanity; they’d rather destroy as a feeble means to slight me.”

“I know… like know, but it’s still so surprising when you say things like that…” You bore your gaze into his plastron.

He flattened out his hand to your back and pressed for comfort. “Perspective.”

Your gave a single nod.

“Unobtainable.” He rubbed up your spine to get your attention.

You gave it with a slight turn.

“Whatever you actually give me, I’ll cherish.”

You slowly sank down to hug him.

He gave you a squeeze.

“Thank you for sharing your dream.”

He nodded against your head.

“A month doesn’t seem like enough time now.”

He bobbed and gave the small of your back a sympathetic pat. “I said cherish, but preferably not a joke gift.”

You brought your face up to show him you’d take it seriously. “It’s your first.” You did your own knowing flash forward. “Down the road, someday.”

His gaze softened as he liked the insinuation of your future together.

You brushed his cheek slowly, committing the look to memory.

He allowed the etching.

Returning from hanging it in a mental gallery, you settled back down against his scutes. “Can you really not get around the flagging?”

“Irritatingly enough, no.” He clipped. “They flag every single entry into the system, even their own. They bested me only in tediousness.”

“Bureaucracy.”

“The bane of us all.” He nearly groaned.

-

“You celebrate birthdays.” You stared flatly at the drone from over your pad of paper.

“Oh yeah, every year!” S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. looked over from where he was moving music around on Donnie’s monitors. He could have easily done so within his head, but he’d offered to share for the sake of hanging out.

“You and Donnie live in two different worlds.” You couldn’t help but laugh as you made a note.

“Don’t I know it!” He rolled his eyes and you glimpsed a mass of files lift and drop into another folder.

“What do you do?” Where you had your knees pulled up into Donnie’s computer chair, you let the pad fall against your thighs.

“Gaming tournaments, server games, oh! And, one time, an online scavenger hunt!”

“You planned them all?”

“For sure! I’m more interested in everyone else having a good time!” He beamed you a glowing smile.

You jolted. “Ah! When is it?! Why didn’t I open with that?”

“Because you were thrown by what a dope MC I am!” S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. spun his chassis to reflect light which made it look like sparkles were coming off of him. “January 28th!”

“Early in the year.” You mused.

“Christmas part two.” S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. croned. “Any excuse to party!”

“You know…” Running your fingers along the edge of your pad, you dipped your eyes. “Coral wanted to meet you and the others know about Donnie…”

S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. had turned to face the monitors again and sent only his digital pupils over to you as he tried to reign himself in. “I’ve heard the second part.”

“You’re helping monitor.” You gave a bob of your head to indicate you knew. “Sorry, I haven’t had time to mention the first, everything was up in the air for a bit.”

“Dad’s PTSD.” He hovered a little to the side, just enough to where you could glimpse the other side of his beak. “Retraumatization and all.”

“Yeah.” Though on the mend, wounds like his were not something to be cured. They were to be carried and coped with. Even tonight, though he’d been fine enough going on his own to an investor dinner as a means to give you space to plan, you still had worries.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You lifted your gaze at the new inflection.

“Not to push, but it sounded like you were leading to something… awesome??”

You pushed your lips to a corner. “Someone’s being selfish.”

“Me? Pssh! Never! Who’s that? Couldn’t be me…!” His gaze darted away before he flew right up to you. “But seriously, Coral wants to meet me and we’re already talking about a party so putting two and two together…!?”

You bopped him with your notepad.

He revved excitedly under it.

“Want to come to a birthday party?”

In a flick he rose up and knocked your pad to your chest. “Uh, duh!!”

You chuckled.

S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. swung back and forth shaking the rear of his unit. “A real party! A real party!”

“Cor’s gonna be mad, you know.”

“Pissed!” He sang, undeterred in his little dance.

“You might wanna pretend to be a little afraid. For her sake.”

“Nah!” He did a barrel roll back to you. “I’m gonna be me.”

“And everyone will love you.” You couldn’t help but reach out for him.

He let you pull him in where he nuzzled your cheek.

Releasing him, he hovered close and you tapped the pad. “Okay, so I’ve got the party supplies. You found a location.”

“Music?” He pretended to be aloof and whistled his way back to the computer.

“I do owe you that DJ event, but that’s supposed to be for you.”

He tapped the desk with one of his rotors. “Now look here, what’s a DJ to a party of one?”

Your lips fell a little.

“A blast.” He went on, without noticing.

It brought a smile to your face.

“But a crowd?” Another roar of his motors took him into another flip. “Now that’s a bash!”

“Remember, Donnie-”

“Pops doesn’t like music, yeah, yeah!” He waved a rotor at you before focusing on the screen as if he were writing hundreds of words a second.

You watched as dozens of screens and folders rotated for him to sift through.

“I’m gonna make a playlist so good that even he’ll shake his booty!”

If anyone could do it, you bet it was Shelly. “Now, that I want to see.”

“A gift for him and everyone else!” S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. slowed, playing a song and nodding as he considered it.

A gift.

Drawing the quintessential box on the page, you hadn’t made any progress in that department.

Whatever song S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. was playtesting perfectly encapsulated your mood on the matter.

It was solemn and quiet with little change to the soft tune.

You wanted to get Donnie something truly special. It was his first birthday after all, but it was near impossible to think of something he couldn’t already buy or make himself. Art was always an option. It ticked personality and showed care, but you didn’t really want something displayed. You wanted something that would be useful to him and his utilitarian housing choices showed his priorities. There was also the option of a plant, something that could be cared for, but how could it beat out the many little green babies that were growing happily above your head.

Doodling a little bow on top of the box, the song changed to one in a similar vein, but with a raising melody.

It ramped up in a way that you wished your mind would. Being honest with yourself, you really wished you could fulfill his impossible uranium dream. Sketching out radiating glow lines from the box, you could only think of how there was no way for someone like you to accomplish the task. If Donnie had never once been able to get his hands on the sum, what chance did you have?

His hands created technology far beyond what the world currently had to offer.

You could barely sketch out three dimensions to a square. 

Etching shading that didn’t make sense, your pen made a blotch from a minor clogging. Frowning at it, you swept your hand over only for it to smudge on the page and your skin.

Grumbling, you brought the side of your hand up to lick it away.

Hand in mouth, you had raised up to see S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. hard at work.

Blinking once, you pulled your hand back to see the ink, only a faint purple mark on your skin.

You gave a widening smile.

“Hey, Shelly?”

“Hm?” He didn’t turn to you as he swapped two sound files back and forth, unable to settle on which should go first.

“Is there a place that stores Uranium in New York?”

-

Get home.

Dinner.

Hang out with your partner for a couple hours.

Work again.

Figure out how to explain that last bit.

Returning to the apartment and checking the first box, you greeted Donnie with what you hoped wasn’t too much enthusiasm. He didn’t seem out of sorts as he gave you a peck and returned to the mug he was nursing as he stared at lines of data. You inquired about it as you set your bag down and he muttered that he was having an odd error with no obvious culprit. You hadn’t picked up much in the way of the language, but you had a vague understanding that the whole thing didn’t allow for even the slightest mistake.

Letting him read it to you, he found it within a few minutes and the excitement of it had brought him over to scoop you up. A quick cuddle and a longer make-out session then gave way to a meal of reheated leftovers. Having been prepared in advance, it allowed Donnie to focused on the release of this program. As the very one he’d gone to see the investors about, the whole thing seemed to be a smashing success. From what you understood, his data would be integral for some worldwide implementation. He assured you it was all above board, but not something you’d notice as it was more of a work horse for other programs. 

Taking his word for it, you made it through eating and chatting. Having gone over what birthday plans you had so far, Donnie then supplied a list of bakeries he was interested in. Together, you whittled it down to three options, with him ready to make appointments. Thinking that was all in the way of business, he then departed for what should have been your usual wind down routine. He wanted to be up bright and early so as he went to wash up, you stewed on the couch about how you’d never been able to reveal your ever approaching departure. 

Water rushing and your window closing with each swish through it, your brain stalled as you tried to come up with a semblance of a plan. Each one combusted before it took form and you cursed the lousy flammable ground they formed on. Unable to prepare for even your boyfriend’s reaction, as it went left unimagined, you heard his voice before he touched you.

Spasming out of sudden fear, you shot away from his extended hand.

He stared at you with wide eyes. “The shower’s open.”

“Yup! Right!” Too loud.

“Y/N.” Donnie pulled at a towel around his neck, knowing this reaction all too well.

From where you were sitting on the couch, you crawled to the back of it as if you were standing at a podium. In the speaker’s role, you address your audience of one. “Birthday presents.”

He shifted his weight to one hip and evaluated you. “Yes?”

“They’re meant to be a surprise.”

His head tipped. “So I’ve heard.”

“Which means… I need to keep something from you.” Your gaze plummeted.

“An understood agreement.” He stepped forward and bent down to catch your vision. “We discussed the party being one.”

“That wouldn’t make sense.” You gave a nervous laugh as you turned your head. “You already know too much there.” 

You sensed him waiting.

Picking your nails, you squeezed your eyes shut as you ripped the bandage off. “I have work tonight!”

You could almost hear his brain halting. “Your office is closed.”

“Yes…” You rose one lid at a time to find him staring down at you. “It’s not… at my office.”

Whatever patience waned with an edge of irritation. “Explain.”

That made it all the harder. “I… picked up a second job. It’s a whole thing and I hope you’ll understand, but it’s necessary to get your birthday present.”

Silence beat with the hollow of a drum.

Each percussion shook your core until you forced your attention to your partner.

Irritation now lined frustration.

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m not going to wash up.” You scrambled to get off the couch. “In a little under an hour, I’m going to need to head out for my first shift.”

You heard his padding against the ground and stiffened as you prepared for him to stop you. Instead, you found him near the front door, rifling through his things. Rounding the couch to get a better look, he turned and approached with some black in hand.

Blinking at him and then down, you spied a sleek credit card.

“If it’s money, please.”

“Donnie, that’s not-” You brought your hand up flat to push it away.

He pressed the edge of the card into your palm. “It’s in your name.”

“Donnie!”

“I know.” Worry laced his features. “It exists as a contingency. Under my account, but out of my control. Full access to all my funds.”

“Don-”

He stepped right into your space to show his insistence. “I understand there may be a custom that says you need to spend your funds and, in this way, they are.”

“It’s not about the money!” Your yell distracted him so that you could push his arm into his plastron.

His brow ridge came down like a stone. “I don’t understand.”

“I know and I can’t explain, but I think you’ll really love this.” You took your own turn shuffling forward which nearly pressed the two of you together. “Just for a little while.”

“How long?” He made no move.

“30 days.”

The left side of his face twitched. “How often?”

“Uh…” You resisted grabbing your phone. “I just saw my schedule, 5 days a week, three in a row for my first set.”  

“Your normal job?”

You stared into his pectoral scutes. “Still going. It’ll be hard, but it’s only for a bit.”

“How long are these shifts?”

There was no good way to spin this part. “Eight hours…”

His hands locked onto your arms. “Y/N!”

“It’s not a lot of sleep, I know.” You were forced to meet his gaze.

“Full time!” Fury sat in his eyes. “That’s two hours of sleep at most!” 

“It’s not every night!” You pressed.

“Whatever this is for, isn’t worth it.”

“It’s for you! You’ll see. You’ll-”

“No.” He released and stepped back from you. “Reconsider.”

You gave a withered exhale. “No, there’s a whole plan in place. I-”

His mouth opened to protest.

“Stop.” You shook your head and headed the other direction. “Listen, alright?”

He was quiet and trailed behind as you headed into the bedroom.

“It’s going to be miserable. I get it. I’m painfully aware of how exhausted I’m going to be and the amount of coffee I’ll need to keep it up, but this is important. You do everything for me.” You slowed, just shy of the bathroom and turned to address him. “I’ve finally figured out a way to return even one tenth of that and for such a special occasion? I need to do this, Don.”

You watched his eyes round to you multiple times as he searched for a shred to tear apart your words. 

“I’m gonna wash my face at least.” You explained before stepping into the threshold.

He let you be which you took as a good sign.

Emerging a few minutes later, already a bit tired, but refreshed, you found him clothed and stewing on your bed.

Walking over to him, you tried to touch him, but he moved away.

Giving a sigh, you went to grab a snack to take with you. Finding little, you considered hitting a convenience store for that and some energy drinks. Trying to plot out exactly when to drink them so as not to disrupt the little sleep you’d get, time whittled away until you needed to head out. You gathered up your things and waited for Donnie to come to you. When he didn’t, you trailed slowly to find him laying down.

The picture of asleep, you approached his side of the bed cautiously. “Don? I’m heading out.”

He gave a little noise that he’d heard and turned over away from you.

You watched him with a sad smile. “See you later.”

Silence chased you as you exited the apartment.

-

You should have realized it was going to be a thing.

Returning that first night had caught him, still awake with ruffled sheets as a clear indication that he’d been angrily tossing and turning the whole time you were gone. Even then, he refused to receive you which you hadn’t minded because you were dead on your feet. Sweaty, you were forced to stumble to the shower where you boiled yourself before flopping into the bed still wet. As if to escape you, Donie rolled to the very edge of the bed and your lids fell on his form.

Breakfast was waiting for you when your alarm rudely interrupted what had to have been the second your eyes had closed.

What wasn’t there was your boyfriend.

Exhausted thoughts made you wonder if this was your first real fight as you ate the tasty balanced meal he’d left.

Sheer will power and a nap at lunch had gotten you through the day. Arriving home that night was nothing short of a miracle. Knowing you had to do it all over again created a sense of dread unlike anything you’d felt before.

It said a lot considering what you’d gone through.

Donnie  passed you a single glance before he shifted to a new tantrum stage.

“You’re not leaving.”

“You’re not stopping me.” You were just exhausted enough that you had no control over your facial expression.

He took full offense to your bitter glare and tone.

What should have been your small respite quickly devolved into a screaming match. 

Adrenaline had its own energizing prowess, but you sensed it was short lived.

Heat loosened nothing. 

There were no daggers to be thrown. 

With little more to argue other than you not going and you going, the matter had ended with you storming off ahead of schedule. It left you fuming as you rode over to the building and trapped as you plopped down in a locker room. Pressure releasing, you felt especially alone as you laid on a bench. Surrounded by the scent of starch and cleaning products, you crashed. An empty shell, your lids closed.

Opening them revealed your boss, glaring over you.

A stern and stout woman, you apologized profusely as she ushered you to change. Afraid of earning her scorn too soon as it was only your second night, you were served the weight task of cleaning an entire floor. Having barely shadowed another the night before for only one room, you had questions that she squashed it without a care.

This was what was expected of you.

It was in your job description. 

You’d taken the position of night cleaner. 

Changing into your breathable cotton uniform, you took your caddy as you hadn’t earned a cart yet. It meant more trips back to supply, but you focused on your tasks. From gathering trash to mopping, you put in the labor necessary. Exhaustion ate away at detailing which summoned your boss to reexamine your work. Putting in the effort to immediately clean each spot you missed, you heard her quiet as you scrubbed. A faint appreciation tracked you and you made sure to log the level you would need to maintain.

It meant you stayed an hour later to do the job right which brought you home to an even more furious Donnie.

The only thing that kept you from another fight was the lonely hour of sleep it left you with.

Blinking in bed, you woke to find yourself worse for wear.

Dead on your feet, you could barely raise your head as you headed toward the kitchen.

Another spread was laid out and this time the foods were ones you vaguely remembered Donnie once explaining were good for long term energy release. It showed kindness where his person had none and you took the meal to the couch, having not seen him.

Eating slowly and knowing you were losing precious seconds, you got the barest bump that got you back to your feet. Just as you were about to pass into the bedroom, you heard the door open and you glanced in that direction unconsciously. 

It took only a second for him to fly towards you. “Look at yourself!”

“I will.” You didn’t have the energy to fend him off. “Mirror in a sec.”

He caught you by your chin. “This farce has already gone on long enough. What sort of employer would allow you to work in this condition!?”

“You think I’m the only one beat down working a night shift as a second job?” You scraped up enough to glower at him.

He released you; the barb planted.

“Probably don’t look as bad as you.” You turned and headed toward the bathroom.

“I’m worried!” He growled, not giving further chase.

You paused, grabbed the door jamb to keep from falling. “Not now, I meant 20s you, probably. I’m guessing.”

He puffed up with offense as you closed the bathroom door behind you.

Just before you flicked the tap you heard him punching clean through something soft.

-

Through your third night into work that next morning had been uneventful. On your last legs, breakfast passed with you picking at it as fatigue took everything from you. Left a husk, you ate little before departing. The commute came in stints that you recognized as micro sleep. Hoping those dangers were only for driving, you maneuvered white collar work with a sort of gratitude. Slacking days were easy to pass off and you finished out the day with little more than a single task done.

Ignoring all else to daydream about collapsing into your bed for what could finally be a full night’s sleep, you made your dreams a reality and slept through your stop. Thankful only that no one had robbed you, you scrambled to your apartment nearly an hour late. Donnie stood out on the street in front of your apartment. Taking full blame for this one, you collapsed into him as soon as you got close. He scooped you up and you fell asleep before he got you to the elevator.

You awoke with a start in bed, covered in a blanket.

He was waiting beside you with a piping hot mug.

He only offered it.

You accepted and looked over the golden liquid before giving him a curious look.

It was the most awake you’d been in 32 odd hours.

“I’ll move to begging.” He waited to speak until you’d drained half the cup. He then backed himself off the bed and onto his knees.

“Don-” The wafting scent of the tea wrapped around you.

He came all the way down until his head touched the floor. “Please quit.”

“Get up-”

“Please!”

It took some work and tea rushed down your wrist as you spilled, but you eventually tossed your legs off the side of the bed. “I’m not going to.”

“Why?” He came up, his face contorted. “Nothing could be worth this.”

“You act like I’m dying.”

“I-!” In a flash of malicious rage, you leaned away as he shot to his feet.

He saw the fear and recoiled with a nervous shake to his pupil.

Only when he got ahold of it did he turn to you. “No one knows the effects of exhaustion more than I.”

You slacked and stared at your mug.

“Death may be rare, but the precursor ailments pile up in an instant. It has lasting effects on your body!”

“It’s… one month…” You pressed. “Not even, at this point.”

“A few days shy and you already collapsed!!” He stepped into your space, but didn’t touch you. “If you won’t listen to me, listen to your body!”

“I am.” He’d left enough room for you to get to your feet and you passed him the mug which he took weakly. “Three days in a row is my limit. There’s some flexibility to my schedule so I’ll tell my boss that.”

“The groveling?!” He crowded you as you tried to head toward the bathroom.

“No effect.” You left him with the statement as you stepped onto linoleum.

He stomped off with enough fury that you were sure it was heard two floors down.

-

Refreshed only to a point, you caught that Donnie was quiet in a plotting sort of way. You might have given that more attention if you hadn’t been caught by what felt like starvation. Facilities returned with priority first, your day of barely eating meant you doubled calories on the next. Without a word you were served your larger portion which you paid for in only a vague stomach ache. Cleaned, dressed, and ready to depart, Donnie caught you by the door.

“Last chance.”

“To quit?” You asked him dully, settling into his hold. “Not happening.”

He simply hummed and released you.

You gave a sigh and tried to kiss him as you couldn’t remember doing so in the past three days.

He dodged you and took a calculated step back. “See you tonight.”

You opened your mouth to question the ominous flare, but he had already begun his retreat. Giving a frown at the omen, you slipped out the door.

Office work passed by and you gave twice the effort to make up for the light days. No one seemed to notice your workload and you only hoped that would continue in the coming weeks. At lunch, you ordered twice your usual portion from a local Thai place and chewed huge mouthfuls while texting your boyfriend. He left you on read which, if you weren’t already preparing for whatever stunt he was going to pull, would have put you on high alert. 

With the rest of the day busy and the ride home mundane, you entered the apartment with your eyes peeled. Donnie was at his computer and turned to you, nonplused. “Carbs for dinner?”

“For energy?” You asked, wary.

He ignored you to move to the kitchen.

“Any warning about what you’re up to?”

Silence followed and you glared openly at his form until it was clear he wasn’t bothered by it. Shoving your bag off, you decided you’d join in his childish display and hung out as far away from him as you could. Lounging in the bedroom, he left your bowl on the bar when it was ready and silently headed to eat in the living room alone. Without warning, it took you far too long to notice he was done and, by the time you got to it, your food had gone cold. Grumbling at the microwave, you snuck angry glances at him which he continued to snub.

Already deciding what crumbs to spill on his half of the bed, you hit play on a video at full volume to twist the knife. His shoulders hiked as the only indication he’d noticed. A double edged sword, both you and your speakers dealt with the brunt as you stubbornly ate without changing the dial. Leaving the bowl for him to deal with, you then got ready for your night shift. It was in moving through the bathroom that you noticed Donnie curiously doing something similar. In clips, you saw him change out of his loungewear, but it took until the second he pulled a sweater over his head for you to stomp over to him. “Oh, hell no!”

“What?” His head popped through the turtleneck with smarmy malice. “I have things to attend to.”

“You’re going to follow me.” You hissed.

“Tracking is not allowed.” He offered with a slight turn of his head.

You smoothed your hackles a bit. You needed to take him on level headed or it’d be the same useless fight. 

“Consider me an attendant.” He moved to get his coat.

“How is that any different!?”

“I’m not following. I’ll be beside you.”

“You think you’re so smart!” You stormed away from him to get a lunchbox from the kitchen.

“Think?” He openly mocked.

“We’ve been together over a year.” You opened the fridge and plucked out a few things. “You think I haven’t thought of this?”

His pause said he had, but your insinuation left him not wholly sure.

“I can’t take you on.” You responded simply, zipping the pouch up. “Not alone.”

It took a full second for Donnie to be set ablaze. “S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N.”

The ghost of the name off his lips had you smiling.

“My creation!” He roared.

“He knows the whole plan.” You shrugged, stepping out from the kitchen to show how unbothered you were.

“He-!” What struck Donnie was a knife to his back.

You hadn’t thought of how that could be a slight.

A display of your lack of trust in him.

A flaunt of who had it instead.

“W-wait!” You started to move, but he flung his body away from you as if you carried a deadly disease. “Don’t be so dramatic!”

“Me?” He seethed, fleeing the scene. “I should pass you off for torture!”

“You’re a child!” You threw your hands up and stormed towards the door.

He followed at a distance.

“Good luck.” You threw bitterly over your shoulder as you stepped out.

You pulled the door and felt him snatch it before it slammed.

He then gave a sharp yelp as it yanked closed on his fingers with neither of your powers.

“Thank you, Shelly.” You told the air and headed toward the stairs for a quicker get away.

Buzz!

“That isn’t going to hold him.”

Buzz. Buzz.

“You got a plan?”

You got a single prolonged buzz of excitement.

“Have fun!”

-

Coming home that morning, you found Donnie sitting on the steps looking like an absolute wreck. His shirt was torn, one of his sleeves were gone, and muck clung to the bottom of his pants as if he’d waded through a bog.

“Some night.” You remarked, cocking a hip to look over him.

“You cheated.” He glowered up at you with his pupils alone.

“I played your game.” You said and reached out a hand.

He snuffed it and stood. Trying to reclaim any dignity, he then uselessly brushed himself off before heading towards the door.

Tired, but amused, you followed him.

The door opened for him before he pulled it closed right behind in a casual move as he went on.

With it closed almost in your face, you gave a puff at his display before opening the door for yourself.

Beating you to the apartment, he took the first shower, which actually irritated you. It meant you were losing precious seconds of sleep and his prolonged soak ate into your time. When he emerged, you were twice as steamed as him. “What happened to my health!?”

He looked you over, lazily. “You’ll live.”

Your shoulders rose in irritation and you stormed past him to slam the bathroom door.

-

Saturday.

You knew it before you awoke.

You knew it in your sleep. 

It was your day off from your day job. 

You’d both slept in.

Exhausted from the farce, you groggily took notice of the space between you on the bed. It felt like miles as you stared at Donnie’s covered shell. Turned away from you, he was clearly still asleep. It stung all the more knowing how hard he had tried to get to you last night. Even if his actions were muddied, his motive was still the same.

He was worried about you.

The mentality that it’d be alright in the end felt more distant now as you closed the gap. Edging up to him, no matter how childish he had been, you felt bad because you were the root cause. Keeping the sheet down to protect the modesty of his carapace, you got as close as you could without pressing to him. Thinking of how it could both blow off the pent up steam and also affirm your bond, you raised up to press your lips to the bulb of his shoulder. Kissing your intent there, you traveled toward his neck as you felt him stir. Nuzzling comforting affections, you neared his clavicle when your vision blacked out.

Trying to blink it off, it came through cracks and you realized he was using the whole of his hand to catch your face. “Wha-?!”

“I think not.” He said simply and began to rise.

With you in his clutches, he forced you down by his grip alone as he sat up. He then released, but you could tell he was ready in case you tried something.

“Not interested.” His tone said it wasn’t a withdrawal of consent, but something else.

You frowned, still feeling a phantom pinch. “I don’t believe you.”

He shrugged. “It cannot be helped then.”

“So… what?” You watched as he got out of bed and strolled towards the kitchen. “No sex!?”

“Nope.” He popped the plosive.

“That’s your new game?” You crawled up to the end of the bed and parted the drapes. “No sex until I quit?”

He gave a languid nod as he grabbed some juice.

You openly scoffed. “Not only is that totally ridiculous; it hurts you too!”

He shrugged, moving forward to lean on the counter to await the rest of your complaints. “I’ve gone three decades without a single positive touch. What’s less than a month?”

You bristled. “No touch?”

“Oh, was that not obvious?” He righted and rounded the counter with the juice bottle in tow. “No sex, no hugs, no kisses…” He stopped just shy of you with a wicked grin tipping so high, it nearly met his eyes. “Nothing.”

“You’re going to hurt both of us, just because you’re upset I’m doing a little extra work to get a gift, for you.” You sharpened the words as they came out.

“What can I say? You inspired me.” His head hung to the side. “’Play your game.’ It should have been obvious”

“You can’t seriously be comparing the two?!”

Anger flared in him, but he refused to let it on his face. “What’s more childish? Denying affections to a partner for whom has asked in all manner of ways to keep them from hurting themselves or a person damaging their health in pursuit of a gift that their partner patently doesn’t want?”

You sat, lips parted.

“Exactly.” His lids lowered, knowing his point got through. “You have work tonight.”

It wasn’t a question, but it was.

It just wasn’t the one he asked. 

You stared at him and saw the lengths he was willing to go.

He was as stubborn as he was petty.

You narrowed your gaze.

One of his brows inched up.

He’d labeled you the same for a reason.

“I’m going.”

He turned his snout up.

“Our relationship is more than sex.”  

It tipped his head right back down where he gave a bitter bark of laughter.

You squirmed. “You don’t think so?”

You could tell he was resisting leaning into your space. “Oh, I know so.”

Your hands lifted to show your confusion.

“It may not be the basis, but we partake to an alarming degree.” He sneered with a sharp edge. “Comical coming from the one who recently wondered if we were becoming addicted.”

You inhaled sharply, a correction on your tongue.

“Only one of us has struggled with true addiction and withdrawals. An easy triumph.”

Your lip threatened to curl so you flattened it.

“Observe.” He tipped the juice container to you and you watched on with milk confusion. He then shook it which made little sense to you until he lifted it to his lips. It had been a show that it was almost empty and he planted his feet. In an exaggerated tip, he threw out his hips and tossed his head all the way back. It accentuated each gulp as he downed the liquid with a roll of his Adam's apple. A streak of juice broke free from the corner of his mouth and then rolled down said throat. You hadn’t realized your jaw had dropped until a breathy exhale came out. It leaked in almost the same way the bead of liquid threaded down to his plastron.

He resurfaced and caught the tail end of you squashing your stare.

“Right.” Swiping his tongue low and slow over his bottom lip, you felt the earlier idea for the morning stir in your lions. Before you could obliterate them, he flicked his tongue as a finishing move over his canine before attending to the juice bottle. Adding insult to injury, he crushed the thing flat as if it held no resistance.

You were slamming the door to the bathroom before you knew it.

It was on.

-

What you had hoped to be a comfortable afternoon felt like the oncoming location of war. Ripped to either side of the apartment in what felt like strategizing, silence signaled what was sure to be oncoming doom. Unable to compete with a genius’ forethought, you instead rested and prepared yourself for whatever he had to throw at you. Your only tactic seemed to be exhaustion, which you banked on staving off any real effect. Alright with that for now, you eventually went through the motions of dinner and preparations for leaving. Donnie, lost to whatever his research was, barely passed you a parting as you left for your night shift.

Coming home wasn’t near as abysmal, but you could tell your internal clock was spinning wildly out of control. It was only after a shower and collapsing into bed that you realized your partner was completely gone. Feeling particularly alone, you snuck his pillow under the blankets with you. There, you cradled it to your body and tried to focus on your goal.

It had to be worth it in the end.

Waking around 1pm, you groggily could smell something had been cooked. Blearily raising up, you saw the back of Donnie’s head as he sat casually on the couch. Chest steeled, you slipped out of bed with the intention of scoping the situation out, but within a few steps you decided that war paint would be necessary. It constituted nothing more than you brushing your teeth and washing your face, but it still allowed you to exit at the ready. Approaching slowly, Donnie was reading in his usual spot. Ready, but lowering your metaphorical gun, you glanced around to find the source of the smell.

“Chili spiced oysters, grilled asparagus and artichokes, and chocolate covered strawberries.” He said, turning the page.

You made a startled noise and wandered toward the kitchen. “That sounds fancy, what’s the occasion?”

He didn’t respond and you sighed entering the space. Feeling warmth, you found the oven was set low to keep the veggies ready. A quick peruse found the oysters on ice in the freezer and the strawberries similarly kept in the fridge. Making a plate, you leaned against the counter and tried to remember what about this meal struck you. Picking up a shell, you tested it with a swish before downing it. The commingling oil accentuated the fresh flavor that said his morning’s absence had been because he went to the fish market as it opened.

Softening a little at that, you moved to eat next to him on the couch. Enjoying the flavors of the spread, as unique as they were, you eventually moved on to genially pluck a strawberry. It took two tries to get a successful bite with everything but the stem, but their flavor was downright bursting. A little blown away, you went to thank your boyfriend, regardless of his attitude, only to catch him watching you. As soon as your eyes met, he raised a brow before turning his attention back to his book.

Immediately suspecting foul play, you stared over the plates. He’d once mentioned something about you only ingesting things you were aware of so there was no way he’d laced your food. Fearing how potent an aphrodisiac made by his hands would be, your eyes widened. Eyes shooting to the trash where you’d thrown your shells you scrambled back to the bedroom in a full run. Donnie’s soft laughter chased you which only solidified your decision to fumble your phone. Finally gathering and unlocking it with shaky hands, a quick search found he’d gone the all natural route.

Every single thing you’d consumed was said to be an aphrodisiac.

The thought shot straight to your toes and you threw your anger towards the offender.  “Donatello!”

No matter how tepid his hum was, it was clear he’d been waiting.

“What the fuck!?” You stormed over to him, phone outstretched in hand.

You’d have no recourse.

Everything was frustrating enough.

With low lids, he flicked his gaze at the article and back to you. “A fascinating coincidence.”

“Bullshit! You did this on purpose!” Jittery you pulled your device back to your body. Pressing it to your stomach, you considered how long you had.

He took his time marking his place and closing his book. “Me? Support pseudoscience? Hardly sounds right.”

“Pseudo or not!”

“True.” He tilted his head as if it were interesting. “The placebo effect.”

“Wha-?”

He rose up and above you. “The mind is quite powerful.”

You took a cautious step back.

He followed you in a slink.

Your back bumped the counter causing you to look over your shoulder at it.

The predator was in front of you.

In the fateful return, he was looming overhead and your stomach flipped. “How, even plied with dummy remedies, one can still feel as though they are reaping benefits.” 

You fisted your phone, trying not to let your hiked breathing become too obvious.

His brow cocked and said it was. “Take now.” He leaned down into your air space and you fought to ignore his hot breath near your cheek. “You simply ate a meal and yet, in a single moment, you came to think of yourself a soaking, needy mess because of it.”

“I’m not.” You breathed, desperate for air and clenching your legs just in case.

The slick sensation there said his tale was a truth he’d already scented.

“No?” He turned inward to you. “Then you're drenched from what exactly?”

You leaned away, thinking only of cleaning up in the bathroom.

He took a lengthy inhale. “It’s been just shy of a week since your last orgasm. Did you dream of me or are you simply that desperate?”

You shoved him away.

He allowed it, chuckling on his way back to the couch.

Miserable in the spot, you plodded toward the bathroom to wipe up your shame.

You wouldn’t be caught again.

“Watermelon arugula salad and a fig tart tonight!”

You didn’t need to look those up to know you’d be ordering out.

-

Surviving the night and the mild ire from Donnie when you wouldn’t touch what he had cooked, you slept through until Monday which had a regular work day and one more free night before you went through another three-day back-to-back gauntlet. That meant if you had a comeback, now was the time to execute. On your lunch break you researched, looking over your shared calendar. It indicated that Donnie would be harvesting crops today so dinner might be safe. It also noted that tomorrow he had an important enough meeting that he’d blocked out the space as opposed to lumping it into a work category.

Leaning back in your chair, you pondered over how to ration your time. You still needed to rest so there had to be a way you could schedule out ideas. You needed plans at the ready, but with Donnie a powerhouse of premeditation, there was no way to keep up. You had to play the game with your own flare. It was one of the things that attracted him to you in the first place. Snapping forward, you smiled over the calendar still up on your phone. You’d be relying mainly on luck, but that was something Donnie hated counting.

Riding high and hoping the universe had you in its favor, you made it through work and then home in a rush. Barely edging out the commute, you threw a thank you to whoever would hear that Donnie was still on the roof. Only half wondering if he thought you’d bring him a drink for toiling under the sun, you shot to the bathroom. Touching up errant oils with targeted blotting and messing up your hair in a more deliberate way, you began to peel off your clothes.

Your top draped with the slightest cling so you tossed your bra in favor of letting it outline what was underneath. Kicking your pants aside, you appraised in the mirror, snapping a few shots, before prancing out of the bathroom. Phone in hand, you traipsed around the apartment taking pictures. Ending with no clothes and hearing a telltale knob click from where you were sprawled out on the bed, you rolled right off and scampered off into the bathroom indelicately on all fours. There you threw on something comfortable and emerged to find Donnie a mess.

Taking him in, you approached more curious about the huge basket of vegetables he set on the counter. He had dirt smudged over his face and arms where he hadn’t opted for his usual wraps. Assuming he’d ditched them for heat and mobility, he was stripped down to a shrink wrapped tank, his sunhat, and a pair of sweats that had been relegated to yard work.

“Good haul?” You saw greenery peaking over the small bar.

“Yes.” Donnie nodded, a bit out of breath.

“Hot?” You tilted your head and wondered if he’d take such easy bait.

“Quite.” Ignoring you out of what you figured was dehydration, he turned and reached into the fridge for a glass of water.

Taking his distraction, you snuck closer to examine the basket. “Want me to cook tonight?”

“You can.” He offered, coming away from the ice box with some reluctance.

“You’ve done your share. I’ll wash and store.”

He only nodded and moved out of the way.

Freeing up the sink, you found him off to the side with the glass bottle pressed to his head. “Want a towel?”

“Why?” He lowered the drink to pop the top.

“You got a little something…” You pointed at your cheek.

“Ah.” Setting the bottle down on the counter, he pulled off his hat in a fluid motion. You stared on, moving vegetables and watched as he leaned forward to catch the hem of his tank top. He then yanked the fabric up with an arch of his back to use it to smother his face. Eyeing his plastron and slim waist as if he’d put abs on display, your lips parted and closed. The sound must have snagged his tympanum because he lowered a fist of black cloth to peer at you with a knowing eye. “Something the matter?”

“No!” You turned away, flicking on the tap.

“Hot is a double entendre.” You could sense him sliding over.

“Eh, yard work doesn’t really do it for me.” Setting a cleaned stalk into an awaiting colander, you felt him comb you for how honest that statement was.

“I see.” He decided eventually.

His tone said he’d dropped it so you offered him a glance while grabbing the next head.

He stared openly. “Might I ask why?”

“Maybe from a distance.” Cool water ran over your fingers as you parted leaves. “But up close? So sweaty.” You stuck your tongue out as you added the next veggie to the done pile.

He made a noise on how he found that interesting and got even closer.

You could feel the latent heat wafting off him. “Please? I just changed and don’t want to again.”

“I have no interest in dirtying you.” He reached out and stabilized himself with one long arm to the counter.

Turned away, you gave the air an eye roll for his innuendo. “Go shower then.”

“Soon.”

You returned to the sink to find that arm he’d plastered now right beside your head. Looking it over with disinterest, you traced it back to the owner in a turn. “Your new ploy isn’t working how you’d hoped.”

“Texture or scent?”

“What?” You turned off the tap and folded your arms to give whatever this was attention so he’d move on.

“The sweat. Which bothers you more?”

“I don’t know about bothers.” You gave it genuine thought. “It’s like if you’re dry and someone sweaty touches you. That stickiness is gross.”

He nodded, his face one that said little.

“As for smell? Some really funky BO competes with those wafts from the sewers. Again, that’s probably universal.”

“There are many factors.”

“Here comes the science.” You teased, going for the tap so he could infodump freely.

His hand shoved and his arm curled to block you.

“Don.” You sent him your genuine boredom.

“Hormones, food, bacteria, even medication.” He had a look that said he knew and begged your time.

You leaned back against the sink. “Deodorant, sure. You feel gross, don’t you? Why are you prolonging this?”

“You like my scent.”

“Sure, that’s science too, right? Pheromones and what not, latent smelling of potential partners.”

He flicked his gaze to his arm and back to you.

You did the same, not gleaning much. Returning to him, you waited until the lack of clarity brought your brow down. His raised incrementally in time and you broke the silence to guess. “You want me to smell you?”

He tipped his head towards his limb as if it were an offering.

You made a face. “Ew, why? You’re clearly sweaty, which if you must know, I wondered if you could get. So question already answered, check.”

Leaning his head over, he let his cheek land on his bicep to keep watch.

“That bad?”

“Humor me.”

You held eye contact to search.

He appeared as an open book.

Unshielded with a tint of curiosity and a call he wished you’d pick up on.

“Fine, but I caveat?”

“Go ahead.”

“If you like smash my face into your sweaty body, I get a free punch.”

“Nothing of the sort. I said I wasn’t going to muss you.”

“Agreed then.”

“Agreed.”

Pouting, you gave an exhale to clear your lungs before leaning up to his arm. Ending up around his elbow, your nose hovered over the warmth of his skin before you took a slow, metered inhale.

Like tasting notes, it came in waves.

His natural musk sat at the forefront and was pleasant.

Then came earthen soil as a lush base.

Next were clippings where oils had inadvertently brushed him giving a distinct grassy finish.

All of it rounded back to his natural scent though this time you felt your salivary glands kick into gear.

Instantly confused by the sensation, you leaned back while licking your lips to swallow down the excess.

“In hand with hyperosmia, turtles have specialized glands.” 

“To pick out females and what not?” You looked up at him, genuinely curious though a pounding in your chest made for a faint distraction.

“Chemical communication.” He slid his hand further, putting his arm closer to you.

Not to be backed into another corner, you stood firm as that cocktail wafted up only a couple of inches from your face.

“Unique but not ubiquitous to amphibians and reptiles are mental glands.”

The name seemed obvious enough.

“Usually found near the mandible.” He pointed to his jaw.

Reviewing his arm, that isn’t where you’d smelled. “Not on you though.”

“For most of my life, I hadn’t given it much thought as my brain tunes out my own scent. Realization came about when I encountered the others.” He edged his chest closer.

You glanced over his plastron with little attention as you wondered where he was going.

“’Fear stink.’ They have appalling naming sense.”

“How you can smell fear?”

“Different.” The whole of him was so close that you were being engulfed by the outdoorsy musk. “Theirs and mine.”

“You can…” You tried to piece together what he’d offered. “Read each other’s scents, like your own language?”

You watched Donnie try not to roll his eyes. “If we were inclined, I suppose.”

“Not that then.” You gave a little giggle.

He shook his head. “How do you feel?”

“Fine?”

He gave a hum and you saw a sliver of disappointment as he reigned his arm in. Almost wanting to ask why, you watched as he slid his hand over his snout and up under his mask. Continuing through the motion he pushed the fabric back to where his hairline would be and closed his eyes.

Still closed in by him, it opened up his armpit. Edging away as chances were unsightly labor induced smells now released there, you were instead assaulted by a different scent. Body aching, it trickled through your nose hairs as if diffusing directly into your bloodstream. There, it sped through your veins, heating your skin up and dulling your neurons. Nearly drunk on it and close to drooling, you wobbled slightly as you threw dizzied confusion up to him.

He stood in the same position, elbow out and hand to his head, smirking down at you lethally.

“Wha-what… is?”

“Mental glands.” He reminded, scrubbing back to push his mask off.

“I d-don’t…?” Your skin felt inflamed and you had to grab the counter for a weakness in your knees.

“It was safe to assume that I had control over the scent.”

“You trained…?” Feeling fuzzy you brought a hand up to both block the smell and wipe your wet lips. “Controlled your smell?”

“Only today.” He grinned, wickedly. “Again, inspired by you. I pushed my sweat glands to the absolute limit with only one thing on my mind. I’d almost written it off, a failed experiment.”

You searched his face, covering your nose and breathing in your own breath. It helped a little, but you now felt how the heat had settled. Molten core in your lower abdomen, you pressed a hip to the counter for even more stability.

A pheromone.

In a single day he’d trained to express something potent for your nose.

If it was just you?

You had many questions, but one took forefront.

“What… one thing?”

“You.” His arm dropped like a bar to your side and, in a single step, he trapped you. His face leaned in lethally as he craned down with carnal intent. “I thought of fucking you. I thought of you sopping wet just for me. I thought of how you scream my name. Of feeling you. Being inside you. Finally, finally impregnating you.”

One of your hands fumbled back for something and you heard the wayward clatter of vegetables falling from their basket and all around.

You couldn’t pull your eyes away.

They were caught in the inferno that was his gaze.

You could almost see straight into his head and all the scenes he’d mentioned.

You weren’t even mad.

He’d gotten you, but it didn’t feel like it.

You wanted nothing more than to demand he take you right there on the counter.

You had a feeling he might do it.

Break the agreement for this because of what he’d done.

Toiling hours in the sun, running replays on your sex life all to tempt you.

Delirious with need at his moronic lengths, you stepped in as close as your bodies would allow.

It meant centimeters shy of actual touch.

There you inhaled deeply, taking a cue from him in a long swing of your neck to drink in that scent.

A perfume for you.

Then he was gone.

You stared at the space, his musk swarming and the slam of the bathroom door knocked you only enough out of the stupor to blink.

Taking another deep breath of the tapering scent, your knees gave out. With the counter close, you used it to sink down slowly.

The shower turned on and you could only picture him pathetically jacking off against ice cold, unforgiving tiles to assuage the damage he’d done.

-

11am Tuesday morning caught you swiveling at your desk. It had been business as usual after the pheromone incident and what you’d normally consider a nice evening. Though a little early, you were flipping through photos of yourself as you waited for 5 after. Then it would finally be time for your revenge.

Rocking left and right to triple check the payload loads release schedule, you saw the counter on your computer tick over. Double checking the calendar to see that indeed his meeting had indeed started, you swiped over to your gallery. There you picked the first photo of the set and sent it off.

A tasteful start, it had you in your slinky work top from a high angle. It poured down your half-cocked amused face in the top right, chasing your body down to the opposite left. As it had in your tests, the clear chiseling of your not even erect nipple was clearly etched into the fabric.

You didn’t expect a response to this one.

It was tame.

He might not even check it.

You did, however, remember something he may have forgotten:

Your messages were pushed through.

The Darling Protocol was engineered for his downfall.

He didn’t even know it. 

Another thing you were proud of was your composition. Outside of being alluring, your body took up most of the frame so there’d be no way he’d know it wasn’t taken from your office. He’d think you were scantily clad without underthings at work. You clucked as you spun around in your chair. Humming to yourself and, with only a quick check to your cubicle door, you checked the time.

11:07 time for the next one.

For number two, you pulled back. Perching yourself on top of the counter, you had done quite a bit of maneuvering to get both your legs up there. Legs doing work masking your apartment’s unmistakable sink, you had begun unbuttoning your top. What it revealed was the stark nature of your shoulder and the part of one breast which you blocked with an arm curled inward, tucked into your thighs. The other shoulder strap held on for dear life and with a tempting arch of your body, the phone covered your eyes as you used the mirror to take the photo. A transition to mark your lack of pants, a chill tickled your back like a phantom as you sent the photo off.

Your smile was the real star in this one. 

You were proud of the coy thing you’d plastered on your lips.

Swiveling side to side with your feet tucked under the wheels of your chair, you were going to let this one stew.

If you hid the details in the way you’d hoped, then he’d really come to believe this was just taken.

It’d mean you were out of an apparent stall and in the open.

He’d hate that.

You watched in real time as the timestamp was replaced with one that recognized the message as seen.

Within milliseconds percolating bubbles then chased it.

Zero to boiling in less than a second.

Now that was science.

DON’t: Muting.

Yeah, right.

You: Guess I’ll have to take care of myself.

DON’t: Do you think you’ve found some loophole?

You: To what?

DON’t: Phone sex doesn’t require touch.

You: I don’t know. I seem to be touching myself just fine.

The pot stewed.

Tipping forward to pour over your desk, you wondered just how important that meeting of his was.

DON’t: You’ve barricaded the door, I hope?

You snorted.

Not very.

You: Where’s the fun in that?

DON’t: Y/N!

You: We’ve chanced worse.

DON’t: With the safety net of my senses.

You: Yeah, I’ve had my fill of those.

DON’t: Pushing it.

You: I’ll leave you be then.

The reply came quicker than you thought.

DON’t: What do you need?

“Too easy!” You nearly dropped your phone to cover your mouth.

Shrinking down and only barely keeping from ducking under your desk, you waited out to see if anyone would acknowledge your outburst. Finding none, you pulled your phone back to see three missed messages.

DON’t: Y/N?

DON’t: Or

DON’t: Was this your plan?

Another came as you read.

DON’t: A ripple at best.

The last of what you considered the ‘at work’ set, you shot off a classic mirror pose that showed the length of your nude torso along with a ‘v’ for victory highlighting your mating mark.

DON’t: When this is over I will smother you.

DON’t: Coat you.

DON’t: Then take photographs.

DON’t: Real ones. 

You were already planning it, but the dig at the end pushed your thumbs.

You: What are you? Gravy?

You: Seriously, your game is weak and forever immortalized.

You: So bad it literally…

You pulled the camera back and took a selfie sticking your tongue out and making it very obvious you were in a different outfit and in your cubicle.

Sending it off as his response boiled, you rushed yours. 

You: …put my clothes back on!

You: I cannot believe I tricked you that easily

You: I thought you were going to be this big bad brick wall that wouldn’t fall for nothing!

You: Huff and puff all you want! 

You: Little pig got you, wolfie!

Watching his response bubble and pop over and over, you chewed your lip to keep from laughing. You could envision him hunched over his desk, tacking out response after response, without a single one able to save his dignity.

Allowing a small bob to your chest, you checked the time.

11:18.

Two more minutes until the next text and, though things hadn’t gone how you thought, this turn had been so much better.

His typing ended and you smirked at how he’d chosen to childishly ignore you.

He was probably humiliated.

You sort of liked that.

Flicking your eyes back and forth between the text screen and the time, you waited for 11:20 before adding to the chain.

You: Took those yesterday.

You: Which you may be thinking

You: That’s obvious

You: Which yeah, you should have known

You: I mean that quite literally

You: You must have accidentally covered it up with your sex stink

You: You know

You: Because you were laying right on this last night

Attaching what was now technically the fifth image, you hadn’t bothered to get your face in. Instead the image slid down your bare ribs to your underwear which had been left on from the previous shot. On your knees the important bit was being straddled amongst kicked up sheets. His pillow, which you were just shy of rubbing your crotch on, sat obviously between your legs.

Catching the tail end of the message successfully making it through the data streams, you smirked when it clicked as seen. You imagined he was probably up a bit, cycling through the messages until he stopped dead. It was there, without a response, that you sat with a budding excitement.

Would he leave the meeting?

Go inspect the pillow to see if this was another diversion?

Would he bury his face into it and try to get a lick of your musk?

Chewing on the possibilities, you sent the next image as a quick succession. It had you rolled over onto your back where you’d almost managed to get your full body in frame. Rotated with your hips up but your torso turned, you had your arm slung around his pillow bringing it in close. With parted lips, your head was tilted so you were staring straight into the lens while almost kissing the down. Amongst the sheets you’d basically torn up, you looked the picture of ready.

A single bubble appeared and burst as if he’d slipped onto the keyboard.

Lowering your screen, you craned your neck to look both ways out of your cubicle.

Either no one had passed or you hadn’t noticed.

Still good on time, you did a final scan before spinning away from the door. With the back of your chair as a shield, you prepared for the final two. The most risqué yet, the last was then one you were ultimately betting on. A good hand was nothing without its final card and checking the time on your phone for 11:23, you sent out a shorter preamble.

You: Or did you think I stopped there?

Seen.

You: Are you wondering where else?

You: Sniffing around to figure it out?

You: What else I ruined?

Read. Read. Read.

You: How about right where you’re sitting?

The words were an unplanned gambit, but you sent the penultimate image. Having set up a timer and taken a few tries, you got an image with you sitting in his computer chair. Rotated to face the phone with your legs crossed and your head tossed back, you looked the picture of a Fortune 500 mogul. It had the kind of power that if this exact image was leaked, it would only raise the price of stocks in your company. Blocking only what was to be revealed in the next image, each of your arms lay against the same of his chair, waiting.

DON’t: When?

On screen it held no wait, but you could feel his urgency.

Had he gotten up?

Was he huffing the fabric?

He would be soon.

Ignoring his message, you did a final review of the last image. In it, you’d brought your legs up in the chair and parted them. Fingers slid down your body and into your exposed sex, you’d accidentally caught yourself licking your lips in this particular shot. It had inadvertently made it all the more tantalizing and you waited out 11:28 before sending it.

With that, you put your phone away and went back to work after a quick trip to the restroom. Somehow buoyed even though you hadn’t gotten a response, you got quite a bit done before you’d be presumably useless again tomorrow. You acquired an earworm from someone's ringtone and hummed the tone all the way through your commute home. Walking into the apartment on sunshine, you took in Donnie behind the fridge door and a very glaring piece of furniture now absent. He spied your joy with a look of pure outrage, which you brushed past to ask.

“Hey, what happened to your chair?”

-

Work.

Your night shift boss griped at you for fussing over using someone else’s keycard.

Home.

Sleep.

Work.

You barely caught an error in a client proposal right before it was supposed to go out.

Home.

Work.

There was a hot debate over whether paper or a shammy were better for cleaning windows. 

Home.

Sleep.

Work.

You had three meetings today, but one canceled last minute.

Home.

Pushing past the door, you only had one more night shift left before a reprieve. Tomorrow you’d have your regular day shift and then crash for the most sleepy Friday night in existence. Until then, you just needed to stay conscious enough to force some food down and prepare for another night of scrubbing. Though it had been just under 2 weeks, you still couldn’t make sense of the mess in the building. You only saw it under a darkened sky so its emptiness felt eternal. Why then did the floor get so dirty? Who filled the waste baskets with discarded wrappers and notes? Why were there always water spots on the bathroom counters?

Unable to put faces to these miscreant slobs, you slung your bag and missed the shelf you were supposed to set it on. Staring at it as it laid limp on the floor, you felt like it was a match for your form. Slouched and soggy without moisture, you turned out to find the living room quiet. As you predicted, your partner hadn’t tried to mess with you during the most intense parts of your week and for good reason. You already could barely eat; even the thought of sex sounded exhausting. With another shift coming tonight, you just wanted to wear your own chosen clothes for a change and sit, unmovable, until you were forced to.

Rounding the partition into the bedroom, you found the bathroom door closed. You usually hoped to wash a little of the day’s grime before changing, but in reality the order no longer mattered. Dragging feet over to where your lounge clothes sat ready for you on your bed, you threw something over your shoulder, “I’m home.”

It wasn’t loud, but any noise would be enough for his tympanum.

Just as you got a shirt into your hands, you heard the bathroom door click.

It would take precious energy to divert now, but a clean face nearly sounded worth it.

“Almost done.” Donnie spoke.

There was a thick note to his tone that felt like it caressed your ears.

You hadn’t talked much lately.

You missed his voice.

Turning to relay this, you froze on contact with the sight.

Leaned with his back against the door jamb, Donnie was slowly pumping a fist over his erect cock.

No longer collapsed like a bag, someone had scooped up your strap and held you at wound to attention.

“You can use it.” He gave a parting nod before he pushed off the wall. Lazily, almost with a yawn, he continued to stroke himself as he headed over to the bed. Gone was the usual waddle he did around his hard member as his smooth strides took him around the perimeter. Worse than him making it an obvious display, he instead seemed to not care for your existence at all as he paused, clenching his knot, to plop down on his side of the bed. There he laid back, craned a free arm under his neck and sped up, comfortable.

In the quiet as you gawked, you could hear the squishing sounds from lubrication. With them chasing your heels, you turned and made the slow trek to the bathroom with the noise ringing in your ears. Closing the door behind you, they were audibly gone, but their sound continued to chime like a bell. Turning the tap for white noise, you pulled your hand back and caught a glimpse of the bottle of lube left behind. Its location on the edge of the counter said he’d been sitting on the toilet as he stroked himself. In some world it made sense, the load could be easily flushed, but the teenage mentality of it all struck you.

The shame of puberty haunted you like a ghost as you finally splashed ice cold water on your face. It was like a shock and you hadn’t remembered moving into the position that got you there. Trying to wake yourself up from the dream, you scrubbed hard with soap, but didn’t give into the luxury of temperature. Trying to ice the sore, each blink brought the image of his pulsing cock.

You’d never seen him masturbate.

Assaulted by the knowledge, you finished and stared blankly at the door. Straining, you listened for those lewd noises. Hearing nothing, but feeling the rigid wood of the barrier, you grabbed the knob a little too fast. Flinging the door open with a sudden burst, you caught your partner in the throes. Knees bent as he chased his pleasure, his lips parted and his eyes closed. Strain sat in his brow as his fist moved up and down in practiced rhythm. Not quite a blur, streak lines followed green skin as it engulfed and revealed pinks and purples. Hand pushing all the way up against his spread, he curled the skin into a cup upon each upward stroke and let it bounce freely as it fell.

Though he wasn’t looking at you, you felt very seen.

Your clothes were still laid out beside him.

It meant you had to creep closer.

A peeping tom, each step felt like a journey as you watched your partner pleasure himself. The sounds returned and wrapped around your throat to whisper directly into your ears. Slick with smooth glides, his work continued until he could no longer lounge. Pumping against some unseen upper limits, his free arm came down from his head as his torso raised. Core tight, his eyes cracked open as if he needed to make sure the job was being done right. A foreman of his own design, you neared the halfway point to the bed when he caught your presence.

Turning to you without hurry or care, you watched as his lowered lids bounced as he fucked himself. Streams of pre mixed in with the lube and gave a milky opacity to the squelch. Hips now rocking to meet his appendage, he tracked you up the bed. Torn between watching that lurid look of approaching ecstasy and the main stage show of his fat cock, you reached with timid fingers to get your clothes.

Would you change in front of him?

Unsure, but still in motion, quaking fingers reached for cloth.

It was only then that he broke eye contact. Thinking he might give you modesty, you instead saw that they flew to your hand. His lips closed and opened with some unsaid need. Slapped with the thought that he might be imagining your hand instead of his, he gave into a single buck that bobbed his vision. The way he forced it back open said your hypothesis was right and as soon as you twisted it into the cotton of your shirt, he gave a stunted breath. Lids closing and a twitch starting in the corner of his mouth, he bit down on his lower lip as he came.

Gaze flying southward, you stared as he encompassed his glans as best he could. Cum flowed on in obvious ribbons that exuded out between three digits. With an ooze, he handled the spray and what leaked out was slow and of a thick viscosity that you could only think was due to having been pent up. Impossible in such a short time, the tacky quality meant it only slid so far. That’s what you usually took. That spunk clung to your insides. That seed was supposed to leak from you.

Mechanical, your neck rocked as you had to lower your entire head to pull your gaze away. Falling to your clothes, you picked them up as if you had to get as much of them in your hands as possible or else they wouldn’t make the journey. Trying not to let them spill, you turned and heard a breathy voice chase you.

“Can you toss me a tissue box?”

You didn’t respond and locked yourself in the bathroom.

-

All night.

As you scrubbed floors and wiped window sills.

All morning.

On the dreary bus ride home.

Into the apartment.

Where Donnie lay more peacefully asleep then you’d seen him. 

In the shower.  

You turned the water up to a ridiculous degree.

To bed.

Lying, eyes open, until the alarm seems to shove a crow bar into them.

To the kitchen.

As your partner stirred for his own day.

To the couch.

Eating something that had been pre-prepared for you.

To the bathroom.

Where you stood and looked in the mirror.

His cock.

You couldn’t see anything else.

It haunted you playing in a never ending loop. You could sense where he’d been, when you’d caught him a few feet away, jacking it in the doorframe next to you. On the bed, sheets bundled around his hips where he pushed himself into his fist. Pearls of cum, leaking in a release he tried to capture.

Over and over.

Grabbing the sink, you wanted to scream.

You weren’t horny.

You were exhausted.

With every blink you could see his manhood.

Each vein pulsed.

The stretch of his skin.

The bounce of his glans.

The flexing of his knuckles.

Jade skin.

White cum.

You dropped the lid of the toilet and scrambled to catch it before it clattered. Barely saving it and waiting to see if you’d been found out. You couldn’t hear anything and tore off your clothes. It wasn’t until you dropped down, nude, onto the lid that you realized how cold it would be. Wincing and senses flared all the more for it, you pulled your feet up alongside your ass and spread. An awkward position without near enough room, you grunted as both your hands dropped to your sex. One push released the built up slick and you nearly sobbed as you stroked yourself.

The photos had been a sham.

Posing with the sense of action.

He’d actually done it.

You hadn’t.

There’d been no time.

Unceremoniously starting with two fingers, you shoved them in hoping for an outright moan. 

It didn’t come. 

They slid too easily. 

It wasn’t enough.

Adding a third, you moved wrong and a wet squish seemed to reverberate off the walls. Ignoring the percussion, you pushed deeper. Weakness in your wrist from overwork kept you from the necessary speed. That ever present phantom fisting of his ran on its usual relay and you tried to time your stroke with his. Not fast enough, not full enough, not deep enough, you wanted to cry. 

Did you want to get off or did you just want him?

One leg sliding right off the toilet, you sat a broken doll at the thought. Your foot hit the tub and the shake seemed to pale in comparison to the flash bang in your mind. A mental tinnitus drowned it out as you leaned against the tank. Pulling your fingers out bitterly, you stared at your own slick and parted digits just to see it string.

A knock.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You turned your hand over and felt the cool air tinge the moisture.

“Are you… alright?”

Could he smell it through the door?

No.

“Why?” You pushed to stand and only stumbled a little.

You could hear his hesitation as you stepped over to the sink. “It sounded like you fell.”

“Just bumped the tub.” You turned the tap.

The soundless noise of him lingering continued as you wet your toothbrush and got paste. Minty foam taking root in your gums, you scrubbed and saw the wreck of yourself in the mirror. Dark eyes and puffy tear trough, your skin had a ruddy quality from lack of nutrition and general care. Dropping your gaze to the swirl of water going down the drain, you felt Donnie’s loitering weigh as if he were scratching at the wood.

The door was thrown open and you stepped out, toothbrush hanging out the side of your mouth. “Wha’?!”

Already having stumbled back from your sudden movement, you watched his eyes triple in size at your state.

Having nearly forgotten you had to look down.

Nude with desire smeared between your thighs and minty foam around your lips, you felt rabid as you brought your gaze back to his face.

“You were…” He hitched, the mix of scents presumably leaking out of the bathroom.

“So?” You yanked the tooth brush out and weren’t proud of the spittle that came with. “You did! Can’t I!?”

He didn’t respond so you stepped back into the bathroom and slammed the door.

-

Work brought you home, where Donnie had your favorite dinner ready. He seemed apologetic which pained you as pity. Logically, you knew it wasn’t, but you couldn’t shake the feeling. The food was delicious, but you scarcely thanked him as you showered and crashed. Sleeping nearly 17 straight hours, you awoke at almost exactly noon on Saturday. Not feeling refreshed or much of anything, you kept to yourself until your night shift.

Things moved around you as you cleaned, easily losing yourself to the task. The bus jostled you on the way home as if making sure your waking slumber was a real one. You slept through most of Sunday until, in a blink, you were in that cotton uniform again. The building you cleaned became purgatory. You’d go there, slipping through the crack of reality for the passing of time.

The game of not touching one another kept on, but the acidity from it had been tempered. A sorry version of its former self, you vaguely recalled something about Donnie with morning wood. Unreliable memories as the culprit, it had occurred during an obscene four night double shift. Whatever had happened before, you faintly remembered him growling awake and storming away with a waddle into the bathroom. Time lost again after, but you didn’t smell the telltale scent of jizz when you’d taken your turn next.

Your rebuttal, another happenstance, occurred when you’d forgotten to throw any clothes on after showering. You’d simply buried yourself in a towel, atop dry sheets in what must have been an afternoon. You had awoken, a naked sprawl where fitful dreams had caused you to kick the towel away. Hair dried wrong and laid out on the bed. Donnie had returned from wherever he’d gone and stared with a package under his arm at the sight of you through the sheer draping of the canopy.

You’d simply sat up, gave him a passing glance and fumbled to get a shirt on. He’d departed with little fuss to his desk and the sigh you’d given was what you remembered most. Loud and dramatic, you hadn’t meant to communicate anything. You only felt alone and stuffing that deafening expanse into something audible felt as though it would dispel it.

It didn’t.

The last week wrung out like a towel.

Time dripped from it in a rush while moments were trapped and in need of another twist.

Those lingered in passing glances of your partner of whom you felt you barely knew. He was a roommate that took care of things. You no longer looked at your shared calendar as his moving didn’t matter. Your schedule accounted for everything you had and what was left was piss poor maintenance of sanity. The only planned outings that occurred had something to do with cake. You were ushered into shops that were overly frosted and making up for something. Gilded trays served little morsel went uneaten. You went from location to location like a numb little bug gathering bits of food that in no way would help considering the size of the colony.

At the same time, you were hyper aware of Donnie’s existence.

The moments you held close and refused to let run were the ones of precious calm, occupying the same space. Occurring exclusively on the couch or bed, you were so keen that you felt that you could give an accurate measurement of the space between you, down to the millimeter, without a tool. You knew exactly how much oxygen inflated his lungs and you could tell each time his cells were renewed. The discrepancy between how little you cared about his conscious existence and how much you knew of his physical one strung like a burn. It had passed the stage of concern and wasn’t an open wound, yet still it begged for attention with throbs of red skin.

Moving around each other like two oppositely charged magnets, the electricity was palpable. You knew him best when you weren’t looking and you imagined his form in sonar blips. He was a green shape whose outlines were marked by waves and his exact quantities were taken to be sent back to home base. He was a threat signed away by a peace treaty, but both approving parties kept their watch towers just in case. Looking for the slightest slip up, there was none as a cold war waged on your very soul.

It was a cloudy evening, when you returned that penultimate night. Apropos of nothing, you still had some terms with the sun. You’d spend lunch outdoors when possible to soak up what you could in an abysmal attempt at some circadian chemtrails. They had done nothing and you were vaguely aware that readjusting your schedule would be another bout of misery as you arrived at the apartment. Entering, dinner smelled good and there was the snap second of awareness from whenever you were near one another.

For the first time, you seemed to notice he felt the same, but it wasn’t necessarily a revelation. Dropping things on the way to the couch, your listless form was fed and eventually you were off to work. Your boss had some kind of pride and had slapped your shoulder multiple times, but no matter how hard you looked at her, she only seemed like an apparition. She’d be gone when you’d turn to address her and the bus ride home was amongst a sea of haunts.

Did people get on?

Did they ever get off?

Did you?

The apartment door opened at the same time as the bus door did and you stepped both onto the street and into your home.

It was dark, both because of the clouds and the hour as you went to shower. You had office work in only a few hours and you hadn’t washed the shampoo out of your hair as much as you could have. Laying in bed, you turned over out of necessity and with a flick measured 533.4mm between you and Donnie’s shell. The sheet was pulled over his shoulder and he too was another shadow that would presumably disappear the moment you opened your eyes.

They’d have to close first and with a heave, they did.

They also opened.

There was no sound, so it wasn’t the alarm.

Had it been seconds?

Had it been minutes?

Movement caught your eyes.

Across from you, slow and carefully, Donnie was half turned and adjusting his blanket.

Before you’d hit deep sleep, he’d awoken you with jostling.

It seemed odd considering how tired you were.

Why care?

For no apparent reason, he then froze.

Staring at him as he was in front of you, you watched as he rotated his head to see you.

There was something about his gaze.

Heavy.

Smooth.

When he looked away, it was with immense sadness.

For the first time in over a week you felt your heart thud in your chest.

With his covered shell still towards you and a hand bent over holding his shoulder, his two fingers slid into the sheet. Curling them inward to catch it, he then turned his head away as he pulled the covers down. Gaze dropped into the bed as he unfurled himself, you watched as a honey amber glow appeared.

Looking up and bypassing him for the window, the sun had risen and was entering through the window. Squinting as the black out curtains should have been drawn, you could instead see the unusual sight of the building across from yours through the sheer inner layer. Blinking away what must have been a dream back to your partner, golden hues caught the texture of his carapace. Shaking the glance off viscerally, you brought a question up to the back of his head. Instead of responding, he pushed a little more onto his plastron in what was the opposite of a belly up maneuver.

He was showing you his carapace.

Suddenly very awake, you rose up incrementally. “Don…nie…?”

He gave a single nod.

“Are you sure…? You don’t have to… I mean… Why…?”

Flat on his front, he then turned his head 180 to view you.

His gaze held a thousand pounds.

Worry.

Anguish.

Pain.

Apology.

Loneliness.

Each one hit you and reanimated your corpse.

You felt them all to an aggravating degree.

It brought you to him. Closing the space without moving, you were beside him and your knees brushed his hip. He turned his head back into the pillow and the sun rose just a bit higher, throwing shadows differently. Reaching out, more nervous than you’d ever been handling him, you brushed a single fingertip to his softshell.

Unlike its name, it had a leathery quality and was not smooth. Instead, there was a pebbled perimeter that felt one activated gene away from spikes. Sliding your digit out into the expanse, it immediately dropped into a hovel and you had to pull back your focus to see his shell as a whole. Across the width of it sat three angry horizontal scars.  Tears running deep, it created crevices where the darkened green color had never returned. A hateful muddy pink instead, there was then another, not as deep scar that ran the exact opposite direction. Tracing it with a weighted finger, it ran along what must have been his spine.

“I had spines.”

You didn’t look at him and instead followed the same line back down.

“They were pruned.”

It was such a specific word choice. 

Stopping only because his waistband hid the bottom, you looked up his shell with a new perspective. The light was throwing shadows in a way that allowed you to tell directionality. From this angle, you could see that something had been taken from the base of his shell and then run straight up, pruning whatever spines he referenced. “A sword.”

Donnie nodded into his pillow.

Suddenly in need, you moved to straddle his lower half. He turned his head to watch out of the corner of his eye. You hovered, quaking digits, before you placed two hands onto the expanse of his shell. Checking in with him, his expression hadn’t changed and instead seemed to be one of composure. Now with further purpose, you refocused and spread out to map. With each rough dip and curve, you found all manner of cuts. Carved in a thousand senses, there was barely more than an inch at a time that remained without damage. Along with the huge obvious four, you also located two perfectly circular ones near each top edge.

“Punctured.”

Caressing the craters, the angriest blotch of them all sat not as obvious in the dead center of his carapace. Long scarred, it didn’t have the surface level rip and tear. Instead it had a marked entry point where the blade had then been turned for what had to be the deepest perforation. Instead of touching that one, you covered it and applied pressure with your palm. “This is where he tried to paralyze you.”

“Yes.” Donnie sounded both very present and equally far away.

Spreading your digits, you swiped palms outward before dropping down. You pressed the length of yourself to what was available and the rest you covered with your arms. The only part untouched was right at your face and there you pressed a kiss into that egregious wound.

A faint little rumble rolled like there was a storm outside though sunlight continued to pour in.

When you rose up, you watched little plops of tears land on the gnarled surface.

He was moving and you got off of him. He caught you with his own streaked cheeks and pulled you in. The power of magnetism gave out and reversed. Clinging to him as if you had no choice, you rooted as close as you could. Little strips of angry sky skipped around you as you weaseled your face up against his throat. The contact whetted your parched soul and you suddenly felt faulty of bursting from the overflow. Not a drought, but a dam broke and the two of you palmed each other as if each touch could repair the damage. Finally able to wrap your arms around his middle, you shamelessly groped his carapace which wrangled a chuckle out of him.

You looked up at his blurry smile and leaned in.

Meeting in messy vision, the kiss you shared was soft but held a sweetness unlike any other.

The distraction shattered because of it and you went limp as your body reminded you it had been put through the ringer. Happy in spite of it, you reluctantly released his shell to caress his cheeks and commit them to memory.

“It was never the scars.” He explained with a voice quiet and loving.

You looked into his eyes to translate your curiosity.

“It’s my most vulnerable part.”

Kissing him as a gratitude for sharing, you had to shake your head.

“No?” He stole another press of lips and waited for your answer.

“Your heart.” You whispered against him, drinking him in.

Lips moving in tandem, you weren’t sure if they tapered off or you simply succumbed during. The alarm woke you where you were still safely cuddled into his body and, though you weren’t even close to any sort of rest, peace made getting out of bed easy. His arms trailed you as you slipped free of them and you heard his groggy voice gravel something out.

“Day 30.”

“The last day.” You cooed back and tucked him in before going to prepare for it.

-

Your office job was work.

Your apartment was home.

Your cleaning job was work.

Returning home, you felt oddly buoyant as the door unlocked for you. Thanking S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. in your mind for always being on standby, you found Donnie waiting in a lean against the sofa. At the sight of you, he straightened up and you couldn’t help but go over to him. He caught you as you got close and pulled you flush to him with a squeeze. “You're done.”

You nodded.

“Please say it.” His voice muffled into your hair.

“I’m done.” With some resistance, you got away enough to look up at him.

He kissed you and you had to break it with a pressure to his chest. “I know your party is in a few days, but I need to give you your present now.”

He had to maintain some contact and settled for your elbows. “You have it?”

“I told you it wasn’t about the money.” You gave a tired smile and semi-patient stare as you needed to step away.

He pouted momentarily before letting you go.

Stepping over to your bag, you slipped out the little box you had purchased to go with it. “Did you ever figure out where I was going?”

“No.” There was a deep disdain to his tone.

You gave a puff of laughter as you returned to him.

As excited as a puppy, he latched back onto you before he even noticed the gift.

“It was an office building.”

He gave a slow nod, readying himself for information.

“Cleaning, but I told you that much.”

“I hate the way the solution clings to your hands.”

“I wore gloves…” You looked up at him with surprise.

He shrugged as it was simply a fact.

You shook it away. “Weird, whatever, but the building doesn’t matter as much as its tenants do. One of a bunch of skyscrapers, certain floors had an insane amount of security.”

He leaned in a little, studying you.

“Funny though.” You offered a half-cocked grin. “They do so little research on who cleans up. Like they don’t care. Like they aren’t as smart. Like they aren’t a threat. Beneath them.”

You could tell Donnie was frustrated since he wasn’t foreseeing the point.

“The background check was a joke, especially with the papers Shelly forged.”

Donnie gave your arms an astonished squeeze.

You cradled the box and lifted it a little as an offering. “Takes only 30 days to get access to all floors which is hilarious because I don’t think I’d earn caddy rights until like 90.”

Sensing you wanted him to, he again forced himself to let go of you again, this time in exchange for the present.

You placed your hand over top of the lid. “You said they flag everyone who enters their system.”

His entire body jolted.

“Which is true, but they only give a shit about some of them.” You looked right into his eyes. “Not the ones who come everyday. Not those-”

“-Beneath them…” He was short of gasping.

You took the top off revealing a small keycard. “They don’t even have facial recognition. You could literally use anyone’s card. It’ll get you right up to the special vault. Obviously we don’t clean in there, but it looks like it’s literally a keypad at that point. Shelly scanned and said it isn’t even hooked up to the internet. That means as long as someone entered when they expected, at night, you can get in.”

“You got me-!”

“Uranium.” You finished his sentence.

You hit the floor before you could even register his movement. The entire fall cushioned, his mouth was upon you and you were drowning in a veritable sea of kisses.

“Ack! Donnie!”

“You!” He caught hold of your head and his smile threatened to crack his face wide open.

“Do you like it?” You teased.

“You, I-” He choked, his lip quivering around an unsaid word. “I-you. I-”

“It’s okay.” You found your hands and cradled his face with a sweep over his bottom lip. “You don’t have to say it. I hear you.”

“For my birthday!?” 

“Yes.” 

“You staked out a location!” 

“Yes?” You giggled. 

“Accomplice to breaking and entering!” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You squeezed his cheeks. 

“Plausible deniability.” He glanced away and returned with an expression that oozed pride. “Downright villainous.” 

“I learned from the best…” You swept a thumb over his smile lines. 

“That was not worth what you did in the slightest! However-!” He forced through his closing throat, a few tears breaking free.

“I don’t know. Look at you.”

He tried to kiss your grin away.

There was no way he could.

Breaking only for air, he continued to pepper you as you tried to explain the rest of the necessary information. “So, you can go in whenever you want though I’m quitting without notice. The me that went in doesn’t even exist so who cares. You’ll want to go before they shut the card off though, so not long. I also have the routes of how the cleaners disperse each night along and all the building’s cameras and sensors.”

“How?” He couldn’t pull his mouth from you, but you could feel how enamored he was.

“Shelly pulled all the starting weight; I took over from there, but the idea of it all was a hunch of mine that happened to pan out.”

“Magnificent.” He finally broke free to look at you. “Incredible.” He brushed back your hair and took you in. “There aren’t enough words to describe how I feel for you.”

You looked away and then back. “There’s a few but…”

You saw him stiffen and his lips part.

You covered his mouth with your whole hand. “You know I want that, but that was a joke! When you’re ready, Donnie. Geez!”

He kissed your hand once, twice, and then gave it a nudge.

You removed it. “Yes?”

“Take a sick day.”

“Haven’t I had enough of those?” You stared at him with dried incredulity.

“They’ve been worried?”

You sighed, pretending to be put off. “Yes.”

“Take it.”

“But…” It was tempting. 

“You need to recuperate.” He wasn’t wrong.

“... Fine.” You gave in and came up to kiss him.

He pulled you a little closer and deepened it for one long massage before pulling away just enough to speak in scorched puffs. “To get you the rest you need I fully intend to eat you out until you come apart at the very seams and fall in the most satisfied rest of your life.” 

You squeaked. 

“In which case I might, might consider myself forgiven for my transgressions.”

A shudder ran through you and you tried to kiss him, but he just barely resisted.

“When you wake, if I’ve done my job to an adequate standard, then maybe, maybe, again twice the emphasis, I will allow myself coitus proper.”

“Allow yourself?” You could already feel yourself devolving into a needy mess. “What about me?” 

Nudging your cheek, his lips graced your skin. “Hence the timing. Rest assured your satisfaction is guaranteed by one of my defining characteristics.” 

You reviewed him through lashes. 

“My sharp tongue.” With another press, he caught your lips and demonstrated with a lick that winded said heat around yours. 

In a few flicks, his moistened point soaked somewhere else. 

“Monster.” You breathed as he broke the lock.  More than agreeable, he gave an indicative growl before scooping you up to run you over to the bed. You squealed at his speed and heard a few happy chirps pop from him in the journey until you crashed into the sheets and he finally answered, “Without question!”

NEXT

I would be nothing without my betas @tmntxthings and @thepinkpanther83

[corleonewrites]

La Vérité

AU: Anatomy of a Fall (2023)

Vincent Renzi x Original Female Character fanfic.

Summary: Two people connected by the same past. Two lawyers. And one tangled case which brought them back together again, giving them the opportunity to sort out their feelings towards each other, no matter how painful memories are to both of them can be.

Chapter 3. Suite Española No. 1, Op. 47: V. Asturias - Leyenda Arr. for String Orchestra

______________________________________________________________

Isaac Albéniz music was playing in my headphones and my thoughts were running fast with the speed of the train on my way to Grenoble, when I was re-reading all the notes which Vincent gave me two days ago, trying to concentrate on the future case.

“You were always a cold-hearted strong and mysterious woman from when I saw you for the first time”, this sentence from my ex-tutor didn’t leave my head, keep repeating itself over and over again with the same tone of voice that he had.

This was true. Even with my close friends I was closed off, didn't open my soul because I wanted to keep my secrets inside me, thinking that they won’t understand me and my insecurities. Only with Vincent, when we became closer, I opened my soul a little. Because he wasn’t like the other men who I used to know. Despite the fact that for him I was always a little girl, which was obvious, because he was older than me. Funny how among my peers I felt myself older than I was when with Vincent, I let myself feel like a teenager, when we were separated by an age interval of fifteen years.

I chuckled to myself and dug deeper into the notes of the case.

______________________________________________________________

“Do you have any idea what his age can be?”, Loise asked just if it was a completely regular question, when Vincent passed us by when Loise, Estella and I were standing near the university’s entrance the other day, after the lectures.

“Too old for you, for sure”, Estella laughed, “And definitely for all of us”

“How can you be so sure?”, Loise looked at her resentfully, and checked herself in a mirror, “For me he looks like he’s 30 and 50 at the same time”

“Because he’s got wrinkles at the corners of his eyes when he smiles?”, Estella pointed out, when I finally looked at both of them, after I watched him go as he sat inside his car: red vintage Mercedes and drove away, “He’s 39, Simone from the administration told me so”

“Simone told you what?”, Jean-Louis reached us, placing his hand on Estella’s shoulder, and winking at me

“Girls talks, Jean-Louis, that’s not so interesting”, I looked at both Loise and Estella once again, “Anyways, I’m off home now”

“Oh, wait, what about today’s bar night? Camille, did you forget about it? We planned it for a whole week”, Estella asked me, when I, honestly, completely forgot about our plan to spend the evening at the bar where all the students and teachers from Université Paris 1 Panthéon-Sorbonne loved to hang out after studying hours.

“I’ll be there at 9, don’t worry”, I had to lie that I remembered about the evening. Well, at least I thought that I’d clean my mind and relax from weekend of research for my diploma essay.

______________________________________________________________

The sun was getting down when the train stopped at its final destination in Grenoble. With my travel bag in one hand and with a bag full of documents on my shoulder, I caught a taxi and sped off towards a small hotel which would become my home for an indefinite amount of time which I was planning to spend during my work.

The door of the hotel room opened and I got inside a small, but cozy room with big bed, big table with a small bookcase and a painting The Boulevard Montmartre on a Winter Morning of Camille Pissarro on the wall. The view from the room’s window was breathtaking: huge mountains and white snow was covering the roads of the city, small ginger bread-like houses surrounded the area, it felt like I got inside winter fairytale.

Without even unpacking my luggage, I sighed and lay down on the bed, as I was completely tired and had sleepless nights as I was packing my luggage, preparing all the documents for the case when the unbearable desire to meet Vincent was overwhelming me at the same time. This anxiety left me with no sleep at all, so I was glad to finally have the opportunity to at least lay in bed and relax for some time.

I finally made my mind clear: it was the time to place dots on every i in relationships between me and my ex-tutor and my love affair; it was the right time to reduce all those romantic thoughts and hopes which I still had inside of me, which were trying to burst out, knowing how they were hurt before, but still believing in happy ending, despite the fact that the injury from this love affair that we had with Vincent didn’t cure at all.

______________________________________________________________

Surprisingly or not, but when I got inside the bar, I saw not only Loise, Estella and Jean-Louis, but also our new tutor Vincent Renzi, who looked directly at me but quickly moved his gaze away, when I tried to get to my friends’ table, only noticing that he was sitting alone behind the bar desk. My only thought was: was it a pure accident that he was at the same time in exactly the same bar, as it was a very popular place among students and teachers from Université Paris 1 Panthéon-Sorbonne. I lowered my gaze, and reached the table, when Jean-Louis asked bartender for a round of cider for all of us.

At that time, I started to get angrier, because not only almost all the girls’ attention from my course was on Vincent. I got myself an idea that because of all this fuzz around him I would distract myself from the tutor, creating an appearance of indifference, maybe even disguise. But maybe it was because my interest in him was growing inside me, but I didn’t want to admit it in any case. And so, during that evening at the bar I decided to reduce all those crazy thoughts for some time and forget about him, even though he was at exactly the same place on exactly the same time.

Of course, Estella and Loise recognized him, but thankfully decided not to bother Vincent with their attention, and we continued talking about all sort of things, but particularly about our final exams and essays which we needed to write to graduate from university.

______________________________________________________________

Sometimes, during my childhood, I didn’t want to study at all, I was lazy, maths was my least favourite subject at school, when French and English were the most favourite. But before entering the university I finally realized what I wanted to do in my life, as, probably, it was written in my destiny, because I was always paying attention to my parents’ work as lawyers, everything fascinated me, despite the fact that I knew that sometimes it was very hard.

And so, during my university years I began to study as hard and as passionate as I could, paying close attention to every subject and every rule, I didn’t even have time to relax properly during weekends. At that time, I wasn’t thinking about boys, relationships, all this kind of things, because I wasn’t interested in it, studies were priority to me.

To clean my mind from all those studies I found myself in films: I fell in love with cinematography, I watched a lot of films, finding my favourite actors, directors and films, I even attended some lectures about cinematography. Unfortunately, not every person among my friends were so passionate about my hobby, so most of my time I was watching films by myself, writing small reviews about them in special document on my laptop. I was believing that someday I’d find the right person not only to talk to about cinematography but also to fall in love with.

Who knew at that time that this person would suddenly show up at Université Paris 1 Panthéon-Sorbonne and it wouldn’t be a student.

______________________________________________________________

They are right when they say that for a drunken mind speaks sober heart. After two glasses of cider, slightly drunken, I left my friends for a couple of minutes to have a smoke outside the bar, to get my head some fresh air and almost bumped into Vincent, who was also smoking his cigarette in front of bar’s entrance.

“Oh, good evening, monsieur Renzi”, I said it with a little annoyance, because I absolutely did not want to run into him that evening. Or at that moment, I wanted it to seem that way to myself. Trying to light my cigarette, and realizing that my lighter had stopped working, I looked at Vincent again, realizing that after all, I would have to talk to him. Something clicked inside my head and I decided to play a game with him. Never knowing where it would lead both of us.

“You got a light? My lighter seems to be ran out”

“Of course”, he said calmly and got his lighter out of the pocket, opening it. I bent over the fire, placing my hand over his, trying to light my cigarette and feeling a pleasant wooden-like smell of his perfume.

I've always had a taste for fragrances, and I've always paid special attention to how a man smells, so, of course, Vincent was among the ones, whose smell of perfume I loved.

“And please, outside the university, I’m Vincent, not monsieur Renzi, we’re not at the lecture room”, he added, lightning his cigarette this time, when I took a puff from mine.

“Well, okay, Vincent, then I’m just Camille, without mademoiselle Cadieux outside the university”

“We got a deal”, he smiled and continued, “Well, Camille, why aren’t you hanging out with your friends who I saw at the bar?”

“Apart from taking a smoke? Honestly, I’m not that interested in hanging out with them. They’re all children”.

“Aren’t we all?”, he asked looking at me. And probably alcohol helped me to open my mind and heart more than it have been expected, so I replied, without paying attention to what I was saying, because at that time my mind was more opened:

“Maybe, but when it comes to my taste in men – I like being with someone who’s older than me”

There. I said it and the sentence disappeared into thin air of the night. Vincent just looked at me, this time even closer and more thoughtful and I felt like my heart just dropped. I probably crossed the line. But probably my heart started to act truly, without lies, as I began to notice that I wanted to get attention from monsieur Renzi, and not in the student-tutor common relationships. I’ve lost the game.

______________________________________________________________

The sound of the incoming message woke me up from my thoughts.

“Hello, Camille. Hope you got to Grenoble safely. I’ll be waiting for you in front of your hotel tomorrow at 10, we’ll get my car to drive to Sandra’s house. The trip won’t take long. I won’t bother you any longer, see you tomorrow”

I smirked and typed “Okay” and put my phone on the bed, getting up from my bed and reaching the window, pulling back the curtain to look at the opening view.

The game just started again and this time I wanted to take revenge.

______________________________________________________________

La Vérité masterlist

[guardian-angle22]

Nine ten books

thank you to @rmd-writes who tagged me (ages ago) in this... not sure you knew what you were going to unleash when you did that but here we are. 😅

I think the prompt for this is just list nine favorite books, but because I can't be normal about books and my taurus energy is strong today... I'm breaking up these book recs into categories, adding visuals, and also adding a tenth book to make it an even number. Cheers!

Books #1 & #2 (Nonfiction)

Ace by Angela Chen - Hello! Your friendly neighborhood asexual over here recommending that everybody read this book! It's such a good exploration of what it's like to navigate the world as an ace person and also the vast spectrum involved within asexuality.

Yoke by Jessamyn Stanley - Even if you've never done a single yoga pose in your life, I think you can gain something from this book. It's not a how-to yoga guide, but instead essays about her relationship to yoga, cultural appropriation within the community, fatness, colonization, capitalism, etc. It's fantastic and funny!

Books #3 & #4 (Excellent on Audio)

Six Stories by Matt Wesolowski - This fiction book (and the following books in the series) follows an investigative journalist who has a true crime podcast. The audiobook is full cast and it feels like you're following along to an actual podcast, but one you know you'll get a conclusion to. Highly recommend all of the books in this series on audio if you enjoy mystery/thrillers.

Where to Begin by Cleo Wade - The author narrates the audio version of this and her voice is like a balm to the soul. It feels a little bit like she’s a counselor guiding you through a thoughtful meditation. It’s short but it packs a punch.

Books #5 & #6 (Seasonally Appropriate)

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas - This is a YA book following a young trans boy, Yadiel, who wants to prove to his family that he's truly a brujo and attempts to summon the ghost of a murdered family member. Except he accidentally summons a classmate who has no idea how he died. Adventure and mystery ensues!

The Changeling by Victor Lavalle - I've always loved the folklore surrounding changelings, but Lavalle's writing just takes this to another level. This is set in NYC and he somehow managed to make the city feel like a character in itself. Super chilling, creepy read.

Books #7 & 8 (Graphic Novels)

I Hate Fairyland by Skottie Young - This is a 4 volume series about a little girl named Gertrude who is whisked away to Fairyland, where she's told she must go on a quest to find the key to unlock the door back to her world. Turns out she sucks at quests and 30 years pass and she still hasn't found the key. Now she's stuck in the body of a six year old and just murders everything she comes across. The contrast of bright, happy colors vs. the murderous, jaded Gertrude is hilarious and wonderful.

The Magic Fish by Trung Le Nguyen - This is a standalone graphic novel following Tien, the son of Vietnamese immigrants, as he navigates how to come out to his parents. The art in this is wonderful and the use of color to define when we're in the past, the present, or a fairy tale was done so beautifully. A gorgeous read!

Books #9 & #10 (Books from Favorite Authors I Will Read Anything From)

A Psalm for the Wild Built by Becky Chambers - This book/series follows a tea monk who encounters a robot looking for the answer to the question, "what do people need?" It's cozy and comforting. I've read every Becky Chambers book published and will continue to do so. The way she weaves hope into everything she writes is phenomenal.

The Raven Boys by Maggie Steifvater - This series owns my soul. I don't even know how to pitch this other than it has a magical forest, a found family, the slowest of slow burn queer love, and Maggie Steifvater's atmospheric writing. Maggie is another author that I will read pretty much anything from (the werewolves weren't my cup of tea so I can't claim to have read all her books).

OPEN TAG to anyone who wants to list off some book recs/fave books. Tag me so I can get some new recs!! also no pressure tagging: @lemonlyman-dotcom @mikibwrites @alrightbuckaroo @reasonandfaithinharmony