#hiro writings

[certainvictori]

After a long hiatus i managed to get enough brainworms again to continue writing this story!! ty for those who stood by me and were patient with me; i will do my best to continue writing again hehe

[oceandiagonale]

so turns out kamado made a complete 180 in the end and did a LOT of good (we knew he had it in him under those layers of really unhealthy coping mechanisms for his trauma! ✨✨✨)

[bumblebeehug]

Big Spoon, Little Spoon

Summary: No one in the guild would normally clock Lucy as the affectionate one, but Natsu has since long known the truth. Notes: (At the end bc I'm going on a LONG grateful rant and you can't stop me) Ao3 - FF.net

***

With Natsu Dragneel, physical contact was inevitable. The fire wizard craved other people’s presence like a magnet - when he fought his fists spoke for this craving, and when he didn’t fight he had two people who could satisfy his needs. The first one was Happy of course. They hung around 24/7, either by Natsu carrying him around in his arms, or by Happy sitting on his head or his shoulders. Then Lucy entered the picture - the weird, kind of spoiled girl who sought adventure despite being new to the big wizarding world. When Natsu met her he didn’t know if they would click - she was a complete chatterbox, and a clueless one at that, since she talked for almost an hour about how great the Fairy Tail guild was - and she wasn’t even aware that she was having lunch with one of their wizards! Well, at least he knew she cared for his guild, so when he accidentally met her on that party boat a few hours later, he knew there was no need to doubt his decision of inviting her to join Fairy Tail. She would fit in just fine with her weirdness.

Natsu found that he enjoyed being around her a lot more than the other people in the guild. He despised hanging out with Gray, Erza gave him chills and Elfman was all brawn, no brain, which was fine except he couldn’t joke around with him. He could honestly go on - Loke was annoying and smelled weird, Cana had more alcohol than blood in her body, Levy was boring with her books and righteous ways, and besides, she had Jet and Droy around her all the time, and those guys were wimps. He loved them all more than anything, but he couldn’t hang out with them the way he did with Happy, and had done with Lisanna back in the day. Lucy became a breath of fresh air compared to everyone else. She was inexperienced and odd, but she joked around with him in a way that he really had missed. That, and her reactions to his pranks were actually hilarious.

It wouldn’t be a big surprise if Lucy had decided to leave Natsu after joining Fairy Tail, to hang out with other people. After all, even Natsu knew he could be a handful to deal with. But in the end she stayed with him. He learned fascinating things about her - how her spirits worked, that she never broke promises (convenient for his first job actually, but an admiring trait to have even without considering his own benefits), that she was smarter than her looks let on and that she had a happy spirit. What he hadn’t expected to learn was how much she loved physical contact. Natsu knew he expressed love through meaningful touches, but Lucy had never been the one to initiate any of it – at least not if she was facing him.

The first time she had done it, he almost jumped in surprise. They hadn’t known each other for more than a couple of months, but Natsu had managed to find an unparalleled satisfaction under Lucy’s covers. He had slipped into her bed, not for the first time, and definitely not for the last, when she hugged him from behind. Her breathing hadn’t changed: she hadn’t woken up. Still, she must have noticed Natsu’s familiar heat, because she approached him like she’d been expecting him. Natsu didn’t know how to act. It was like his muscles had been switched out with concrete: he had tensed up and wouldn’t move a single millimetre, like the slightest movement would scare her away.

It was only when he realised he’d been holding his breath that he allowed himself to move. A shaky puff out, and then a shakier breath in. But despite Lucy’s arms feeling his movement from being wrapped around him, she didn’t budge. If anything she’d nuzzled closer, pressing her cheek against his neck, wrapping her legs around his as she molded herself to his stale figure.

He hadn’t slept very well that night. He considered it weird after all, that the girl who spent so much time denying all signs of enjoyment connected to physical affection, would be the one to initiate a cuddling session like that. He supposed that was around the same time he really leaned into her nickname: “Weirdo”. It was oddly accurate, it turned out.

Time didn’t fix this conundrum: in fact, it made it worse. Or, intense, was a better descriptor. Natsu still refused to cease his night time activities in her bed though. It almost became a game, a silent, unconscious sparring match, where they fought over the right to be the big spoon. Natsu usually won at dawn, but as soon as the sun started to rise and Natsu flickered awake for a split second, he found himself held by the blonde. Fondly she’d cuddle closer as Natsu stirred, seemingly not aware at all of her actions.

However, every morning he’d wake up a little bit colder. Lucy would be awake already, humming to herself in the shower or cooking breakfast, or she’d sleep in with her back turned. Natsu suspected she knew how the two of them slept at night – there was no other explanation as to why he never woke up in her embrace.

What he didn’t know was how right he was. Lucy was insanely aware of her bad sleeping habits, more than once drenching herself with cold water in the shower to get rid of her blushing. She could do many embarrassing things, but something like this? It felt vulnerable to show that side of her. It alluded to her not-so-pleasant past, which wasn’t something she was quite comfortable showing yet. After all, Natsu didn’t even know her last name yet: none of the guildmates did, her past was something she’d left behind.

As time went on, truths revealed themselves, and secrets spilled, Lucy realised that she didn’t need to feel ashamed of this need for physical contact. Natsu had never seemed to mind after all, repeatedly showing up, night after night, to roll around in the sheets with her. She would never allow herself to show this side to anyone other than him or Happy: not even Erza could know this secret, and she was her best friend. No, what happened at night was between her and her boys. Natsu had never slipped up about their activities either, so she let it stay uncovered as long as it needed to. Lucy clinging on to Natsu like a lifeline, as dreams shook her around, just didn’t need to be brought up in a day to day situation.

Natsu didn’t know Lucy’s view on their sleeping habits. He only knew that time was in his favour when it came to this thing: the longer they’d known each other, and with more frequent sleepovers, Lucy seemed to gain courage in her awake affection as well as her unconscious one. Now she didn’t avoid him when Natsu brought his arm around her, nor did she shy away from coming up from behind with a back-hug-sneak-attack. She’d even stand beside him at the bar, mindlessly take his hand and start fidgeting with its rough crevices, removing dirt from under his fingernails and even going as far as rubbing in hand cream, like it was her own hand.

He liked this side of her. It felt like she allowed herself to claim him as hers, as much as he enjoyed claiming her as his. Every time she approached him, he felt validated: like their friendship was just as important to her as it was to him. Naturally he’d feel like that anyways, he knew how much she appreciated him, but it was somehow different when it came to physical contact. Maybe that’s the way he understood affection best: getting his feelings reciprocated was truly unparalleled.

__________

Tonight Natsu’s feet once again took him to her apartment. Happy was flying a bit in front of him, practically asleep – they hadn’t planned to take so long, but before they knew it the sun had set, and Lucy was probably done waiting for them. Their initial plan was to meet up after dinner: normally they’d eat it together, but Lucy had been coerced by Erza to have a “practice dinner” before a special day that she wouldn’t give them any details on. It wasn’t like details were needed though: Erza being sneaky only ever meant one thing – even Natsu knew that much.

So it was fair to say he was tired when he reached the pink brick building. Gazing up to the second floor, he envied Happy who could just fly up with ease. Still, sleeping with Lucy had never been a question of if he should, but when. He carefully stretched his neck, slapping his cheeks twice, before climbing up. The route was etched into his brain like second nature: he knew exactly which brick to grab or step on, and he knew which ones to avoid if it had been raining. Luckily, Lucy’s window was always left cracked open, making it possible for him to slide up the bottom panel and worm himself in.

The landing that had once been clumsy, waking Lucy up by landing straight onto her, was now a lot smoother. Not only did practice make Natsu more agile, but Lucy had also made it a habit to sleep closer to the window, making Natsu land beside her instead of on her. Happy had already curled up to a ball by Lucy’s feet. He’d eventually make his way up to sleep closer to his friends’ heads, but from years of experience he knew that it would take a while for them to settle down.

As Natsu quickly undressed by the edge of her bed, leaving his day clothes haphazardly on the floor, Lucy stirred under the duvet. Natsu longed to join her in her nest of pillows and soft, clean blankets, but first he reluctantly made his way to the bathroom.

He winced at the loud clicks the bathroom door made when he closed it, not sure if it was his worry of waking Lucy or his own hearing that was most bothered. Either way he hurried to do his business. After flushing and washing his hands in much too cold water, he took a quick second to look in the mirror.

Looking back was a pretty grown up man, looking like he’d forgotten to shave one day too many. Underneath the stubble were scars – some prominent, ones that he’d gotten long before Wendy joined Fairy Tail, and others less obvious, only faint shadows remaining. Not even her magic could make the skin look completely like new again, but he was thankful that it helped as much as it did. Some of these scars were less pleasant memories, like the one on his cheek that he associated with Zeref.

His shoulders had gotten quite big over the years. When he’d first met Lucy, he considered himself scrawny. With time and with experience they’d grown stronger, and he found himself thinking that he resembled Gildarts more and more. He shivered. He really needed to shave in the morning, or he’d end up looking exactly like that old fart. With his shoulders slumped over the sink he ruffled around his hair with some water, rubbing away the tensions of the day from the scalp. It was about time he cut that hair again. A mental note to ask Lucy to bring out Cancer was put in the back of his head.

Quickly he grabbed his toothbrush from the shared toothbrush cup and generously smeared on toothpaste. He was about to brush with his normal force, but stopped himself as he heard Lucy’s voice echo in his brain.

“You’re gonna give yourself receding gums if you keep that up!”

He let out a sigh before lightening his grip. She really nagged him about the smallest things. It was either how he brushed his teeth, or how he procrastinated doing the dishes, or she’d complain over a rag or two missing the laundry basket when he and Happy tried to get them in from across the living room.

But he didn’t dislike those complaints. In fact, he was actually a bit fond of them. It was yet another reminder that Lucy considered Natsu and Happy family members in her home: she worried and complained, but she never threw them out anymore. She had been the one to give Natsu a permanent toothbrush in her bathroom, and she’d been the one who hung up three hand towels instead of one, all under their respective names. She was the one who cooked most of their food, and she gladly made some space in her wardrobe to fit in some clothes for Natsu, so he wouldn’t have to wear the same dirty outfit each day.

Reflecting on it made him smile, resulting in spilling out some toothpaste and drool on his chest. He grabbed the towel that hung under his nameplate and dried himself. Yeah, she was probably wise to assign separate hand towels to the three of them: he had to give her credit for that.

Finally finished in the bathroom he hurried over back to where Lucy was laying, curled up, lightly snoring. Had anyone else been making that sound he’d probably want to punch their heads in, but when Lucy did it? Natsu melted in the delightful ambiance.

As soon as he crawled in under the covers, Lucy seemed to stir awake. Mission unsuccessful, but at least he got a chance to talk to her.

“You’re late,” she mumbled, voice raspy from just waking up.

“We lost track of time. Sorry.” Natsu whispered, shamelessly placing his head on her pillow.

“It’s okay… Erza held me back too.” She rubbed her eyes from sleepy crust before taking a good look at Natsu. “Your hair’s getting long.”

She brought her hand to his head, combing it from his temples and back. Natsu shivered at the sensation of nails running against his scalp.

“Yeah, I was thinking of having Cancer cut it in the morning.”

“You should try growing it out again. You look good with longer hair.”

He almost blushed as a smirk entered his lips. She could be uncharacteristically bold at night.

“Look good, huh?”

She lightly flicked his forehead before returning to combing through his hair.

“Don’t get cocky.”

Natsu felt a snicker bubble up his throat.

“Wait, I’m sorry, I’m seriously considering it here,” he defended himself. Lucy softened her grip on his hair.

“Good.” Her teasing expression had once again turned soft.

For a couple of minutes they let the silence settle. Natsu grabbed Lucy into his embrace by pulling her in by her waist, allowing Lucy to continue playing with his hair. He felt like he was living in bliss, breathing her air, feeling her light fingertips tuck hair behind his ear with a softness that resembled sunbeams kissing his skin a warm early spring. What the two of them had during the night, in between chaotic missions and stressful adventures, was something completely otherworldly.

“Hey, Natsu.”

Her soft whisper breathed life in the tranquil atmosphere.

“Yeah?”

His eyes fluttered open, meeting hers. She seemed to be thinking fondly about something, her pupils big and eyelids molding as her mouth formed a relaxed smile. Just seeing her made the corners of Natsu’s mouth pull upwards.

“Can you turn around?”

Suddenly her voice had gone from pleasantly sweet to sickly sweet, as Natsu realised what she was asking of him. He felt his expression go from calm to troubled.

“No…” he tried, whining a little to see if she could possibly be the small spoon tonight.

“Please…” Her big doe eyes sparkled at him. This wasn’t fair. How dare she use those gorgeous brown eyes against him. He tried to hold his ground, holding her firmer by the waist so she wouldn’t flip him over when he least expected. It wouldn’t be the first time, after all.

“I…” He quickly shut his eyes and turned his face away. “No, not today.”

“Come on…” She squirmed a little in his grip, trying to come up with something to coerce him. “What if…” her face grew rapidly red. “Well… how about we make a deal.”

Natsu perked up again, curious about what she was offering.

“Okay… What’s in it for me?” He had turned back to face Lucy, but this time she’d been the one to avoid looking at him. Even in the dark he could see that she was blushing.

“I’ll… Give you a kiss,” she finally said, carefully looking back at Natsu to see if she could read his reaction. It was… smaller than she’d expected.

Truth was, Natsu wasn’t sure if he’d heard her right. Had she really said kiss? Even he was aware of the implications of that: She was asking for permission for them to become something more.

“A kiss? On the lips?” He asked, trying to clarify. It would be terribly embarrassing if he’d misinterpreted her.

“W-well we don’t have to if you don’t want to! I’ll come up with something els-”

“Ten.” Natsu interrupted her.

“Ten?”

“Ten kisses. In exchange for being the little spoon,” he explained, making an ugly face while describing what he was offering. Lucy frowned.

“It can’t be the equivalent of ten kisses,” she tried to argue, but Natsu stood firm in his offer.

“I think it’s reasonable. I can start by giving you the first, but you gotta give the rest.” By now he felt sort of determined, like he had to get those kisses no matter what. She couldn’t exactly go back on her word: she was the one that had offered the kiss in the first place.

“W-wait, Natsu!” She squealed a little as he grabbed her face in both of his hands, squishing her cheeks together until she looked like a fish.

“Ya’ ready?”

Before he could lean in she shook out of his grip.

“Stop! Fine! I’ll do it! Just, give me a moment to brace myself…” Lucy demanded, now changing her position from lying down beside him to sitting up, legs in a criss cross. Natsu mimicked her position to make things easier for her. Though, truth be told: he was getting a little impatient. As soon as she had offered a kiss to compromise his usual sleeping position, he’d started craving those lips against his. They always looked so soft, so supple, like they’d break if they were sucked too hard.

When Lucy finally composed herself, she looked at him with fierce determination in her eyes. She scooted a little closer, making their knees touch. It still didn’t feel like they were close enough. A distance that was so easily closed normally, now felt like miles. First she grabbed his arms, firmly. Not quite satisfied with the feeling of that, she tried placing them on his shoulders.

Problem was: no matter where she placed her hands, it didn’t feel like Natsu was getting any closer. He was always an arm length away. This frustrated her.

“Could you…” she tried to find the right words, “help me? A little?”

“Yeah, of course, sure, what do you… want me to do?”

Yet again there was a shift in atmosphere. Flailing arms and nervous chuckles made him realise that this was happening. He was going to kiss Lucy. Or more accurately: she was going to kiss him. Part of him wanted to just screw any rules about technicality, grab her and kiss her until twilight. Another part of him knew that nothing would compare to what Lucy was setting him up for right now. He really, really wanted to find out what she had in store: what kind of kisses she’d give, if she preferred leaning to the left or to the right to avoid their noses crashing, and how it would feel to be kissed, instead of the kisser.

“Would you just…” Lucy was still caught up in how they were going to sit and do this. “Maybe we should stand-”

“No.”

“Yeah no. If you lean forward a bit? Maybe?”

Natsu toppled his torso forward, closing in the space a bit. It didn’t seem like Lucy was satisfied though, even if their noses were close enough to touch.

“No, my back hurts like this.” She changed her sitting position a couple of times, moving around so much that Happy was starting to stir awake. Natsu had enough.

“Shh,” he whispered, nodding slightly towards the sleeping exceed. His expression was probably hard to read – he didn’t quite understand his emotions himself, but it was a confusing mixture of impatience, eagerness, and something deeper that had been tinting the entire evening. Could it be what people called love?

He pulled roughly on her arm until she sat in a straddle over his groin. She better not sit down here, he managed to realise, which luckily for him, she didn’t. Instead she blushed from the crown of her head, all the way down to her shoulders. It seemed like reality was starting to hit her too. Except this time, she didn’t back down. Her back wasn’t hurting, she wouldn’t have to do any weird maneuvers to get both her lips to meet his.

She straightened herself up, trying to ignore the burning feeling of Natsu’s hands against the dip of her waist, and combed back his hair from right above his ears and back to his neck, mirroring what she’d done earlier this night. As her hands met at the crook of his neck, she carefully braided her fingers together, leaving her thumbs right behind his ears. Getting a good look at him, he’d really grown up to become handsome. The boy she’d met in Hargeon such a long time ago was only a fraction of the man in front of her. His jaw was more chiseled, his eyes had matured, they reflected a certain light of wiseness that they hadn’t before. His chapped lips had gotten framed with slight smile lines – she liked to think she was the cause of their early appearance: he always seemed to smile around her after all. His chin had grown a stubbly, dark pink beard, and she almost wanted to giggle at the thought of him growing it out one day. A pink beard: could you imagine?

But the truth was: she was so in love. She still felt like the night was surreal, the dimmed light from the moon being the only lightsource in the room. Just a couple of hours ago they had been joking around like today was any other day, no clue that she’d be sitting here, straddling him, on her merry way to kiss him. And not just once.

Finally she pressed her lips against his. It was a soft, dry, fluttery peck that only left both of them wanting more.

“One,” she whispered as she pulled them apart for a split second. She only briefly met Natsu’s dark eyes as he looked up at her from under his eyelashes. He was quick to pull them together again, this time harder, with an urgency that he couldn’t quite explain. Her lips were so soft, even softer than they’d looked, and as they took half a second to breathe, he found himself wanting to taste them. So he did.

Lucy had just opened her mouth to jokingly say “two” when her teeth clacked against Natsu’s. Was that his tongue? The new sensation gave her goosebumps, in a very… good… way. Natsu slowly dragged his tongue against Lucy’s bottom lip, taking in everything that she tasted. It was warm, no, hot, and the taste itself was neither sweet, sour or salty, but rather a weird mix of everything and also… Nothing? The most he could identify was the faint taste of the toothpaste they used.

When Natsu’s tongue suddenly felt Lucy’s against it, it felt like he’d been shot by lightning, the shock creeping along his spine, raising every hair on his head. It was… amazing. A little messy, drool finding its way down both of their chins, but it was hot, sweaty and completely delightful. He felt himself grabbing her pillowy hips, pulling them closer to his own groin, before realising what he was doing and stopped himself in his tracks. Things didn’t need to go this fast: today he wanted to revel in the fact that he was kissing the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

Instead he gently lowered Lucy down on her pillow, making it so he could be on top. As a hair got stuck in their mouths, he gently pulled apart, a string of drool embarrassingly acting as proof that they’d just been connected. Her golden hair almost silvery in the faint moonlight, he realised she looked angelic. Her light eyelashes carefully fluttered as she opened her eyes, a small giggle escaping her mouth. It sounded like heaven.

“I’m counting that as number two and three.”

“What? Why!?”

He squinted at her. Was she trying to cheat him? To be honest, with her sweet expression, flushed cheeks and glittering doe eyes, he was about to let her.

“It was longer. And with tongue. And your beard scratched my chin.”

Natsu groaned.

“I knew I should have shaved…” he muttered under his breath before diving in for round four. Once again it started perfectly innocently, Lucy’s hands cupping Natsu’s cheeks as their, now warmed up lips molded against each other again. This time Natsu was quicker to ask for VIP-entrance though, running his tongue over her mouth once again in hopes that he’d get the chance to spar with it. When she played a little bit too hard to please, he repositioned himself over her, one leg between hers, letting his body weigh down slightly where their cores met. Seemingly it was a good move, because with a gasp he was allowed entrance.

Lucy thought that he played a little dirty, in more than one way. Did he even know the effects he had on her? That every time he touched her, she came undone? She teasingly sucked on his upper lip to punish him a little, not knowing it only edged him on. With his hands running across her torso, drawing little circles where her skin had gotten exposed, he deepened the kiss even further, their tongues now sparring like there was a prize to win. Lucy kept up with it for five whole minutes before she suddenly pushed them apart, swallowing hard.

“That’s four, five, six,” she panted, her hands keeping some distance between the two of them. His chiseled chest felt nice… No, focus.

“What?! No way, what did I do this time?”

“You drooled in my mouth!” Lucy had to whisper-shout it, as she remembered that they certainly weren’t alone in this bed.

“Ew! Did not!” There was no way he’d done something disgusting like that: kissing was a drool-involved activity! There was no need for her to get her panties in a twist.

“Yeah, you did? Wanna switch places and see how it feels?”

“You’re on!”

Swiftly they swapped their positions, Lucy being the one on top this time. She carefully positioned herself right above his groin, not to wake any monsters she couldn’t tame, and leaned forward, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Your turn,” she taunted, leaning into her seductive side before finally giving him a slight peck on his already open mouth. “Oh, and that’s seven.”

“Cheater,” Natsu muttered before cupping her face and leading her on to their eighth kiss. This time he understood why Lucy had counted as she had: not only was the actual kissing more intense from below (and also containing more saliva, he admitted), but the general power play made it feel unfair. All he could do from his position was grab her hips, butt, waist and upper-middle back to hold her closer, or play with her hair and touch her neck, like she’d done to him before.

Lucy, however, had all the cards on her table, tracing his bare torso, feeling the curves and crooks of his abs, sometimes using her nails to her advantage, sending goosebumps throughout his entire body. He’d reward her with a gentle squeeze wherever his hands were, or he’d deepen the kiss, gently biting her lip or feel the back of her teeth with his tongue.

Rather than learning how taxing it was to be the drool-bucket, it seemed like Natsu was only enjoying this experience. She wanted to teach him a little lesson, so she pulled the two of them apart again, this time to quickly reposition her mouth on his neck, right below his scar. And then she kissed him, and licked him, and she sucked and bit, Natsu’s panting by her ear only encouraging her.

Then she slowly rose up, a sly grin on her face.

“The hickey counts as number ten.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake…” Natsu breathed, too impressed to actually complain.

“Now!” Lucy’s eyes sparkled in excitement as she left her straddle. “A deal is a deal: get into position.”

Natsu sighed deeply before complying, rolling over to the side so his broad back was facing Lucy.

“I don’t get how you enjoy this,” he said, feeling Lucy hug herself into her place, body tightly pressed against his, her face landing in the crook of his neck. The place he knew from experience was the best smelling place on Lucy’s entire body – oh, how he wanted to switch places with her.

“Same reason you do, silly.” She wrapped her arms around him, locking them together by tightly hugging his stomach. Instead of complaining, he accepted his role as the little spoon, grabbing her hands and bringing them up to his face. Ten, small kisses, he gave her, one on each finger.

“I think I can stand it if i get paid in kisses again,” he joked, not realising that Lucy would push herself up one last time, land a wet kiss on the corner of his mouth, before laying down again.

“One on the house.”

__________

Happy felt his tail twitch in annoyance as he finally heard them settle down. Next time he’d tell them to wait until he’d fallen asleep at least.

__________ __________ __________

Oh wow, this year has flown by! I’ve started lots of WIPs and somehow only now had the energy to finish them (during exam season and all… Typical). There’s still a small surprise upcoming, so you haven’t yet seen the last of me this year lol.

I hope you’ll allow me to get a bit sentimental here in the notes…

This fic has been on the back burner since… 2023 I think… It’s inspired by Mitski and her song First Love/Late Spring, and back then I still didn’t know I’d get to see her perform live in Edinburgh. My trip there was my first solo flight, and soon after I went to Greece with just my friend. Then I started uni again! Pedagogy, which has been so much more fun than journalism was for me (it sucked out my creativity, hence why I didn’t post much earlier this year). In general this year’s been more good than bad, save perhaps when my beloved Mala passed in March, and when we thought my other baby, Findus, had an autoimmune disease. Findus turned out to be fine, that cuddly-bug will probably not leave in a very long time.

Oh but I’m getting off track. This fic is fic nr10 posted this year, and while looking over my history I’m realising that they’ve all been posted within 6 months… They’ve also been a lot more mixed genre-wise: I started with And Then They Were Two, an angsty fic written in memory of Mala. It was my first time portraying death: I didn’t know then it was just the start. Then I posted a fic where I tried making Natsu and Lucy fight (that was a tough one…), though at least it ended happily, lol. I also finished Nalu Week from 2023! Hike in Heels is one of my favourite fics up to date, I’m really happy with that one, and though I’m slightly less fond of Some of their own, I still enjoyed the fluff.

I also wrote my second more suggestive fic: I really hope my growth from Massage Misunderstanding to A Way Into Your Heart shows (though they’re not exactly comparable: one is a crack-fic after all). Unrequited Love was my first truly angsty fic. It was written with no solution in mind, during a time when I was experiencing my own unrequited love. It was very nice being able to use fic-writing as a creative outlet: and I also hope it somehow portrays how much of my own soul is poured into what I write. This is truly my passion.

Lastly I managed to pad my goriest, by far saddest, fic with a couple of fluffy ones: A homage to autumn (Home) and a gift to one of the greatest people I’ve met this year, Roxy.

I’m so insanely thankful to all of you who motivate me to continue to write! I seriously couldn’t have done this without all of you, I’m forever grateful. Writing is the one passion I’ve held on to since I could hold a pen: I’ll always treasure Ao3, ff.net and tumblr for being sites I’ve been able to rely on when it comes to meeting wonderful people, posting and reading fics.

So, for one of the last times in 2024: Thank you for reading my fic<3 See you all lots in 2025!

[selenekallanwriter]

What writers say: I just finished my first draft!

What writers mean: I've re-written this cursed book 20 times. It's a mess, but The Muse has deserted me and Brain.exe has stopped working. I can't even look at it anymore. It's traumatizing me. I need cocoa and a pillow.

[bruciemilf]

I think the bnha verse needs a laid back, cool, ‘he’s really the scariest fucker on the planet but he just doesn’t realize it’ mf.

makes sense he’d have the bakusquad on lock

love making OC fanart!! Would love to actually construct a proper plot sometime

[dragon-toad]

HOT TAKE : Makarov was a bad father (and a bad grandfather)

I'm expecting a big wave of hate with this one... BUT LET ME EXPLAIN

We can dive into the generational trauma theory : we know Yuri has been profoundly hurt by his wife's death (giving birth to Makarov) and this is a thing we should consider. In most cases, people live with the burden of the death of their partner until they die, which could have been Yuri's case. And the idea that somehow his wife died for his son... Well, angst potential.

Now : death of a loved one + wife who dies giving birth to his son = difficult father-son relationship

And even if Yuri didn't do it intentionally, there could have been a distance between the father and the son, and it has repercussions on the futur.

So yes, it maybe happened completely differently, but let's consider this hypothesis to understand what comes after :

Makarov was raised in the guild, where everybody is friendly. The only thing is his daddy issues. He ends up considering the guild more important, so the thing to cherish and protect at all cost.

Everything is fine.

Then, Ivan enters the game.

I know it's very fun to have an antagonist in the family of the master, the man presented as the most loving, a father for all the lost children, etc. BUT maybe we can go a little deeper.

We sometimes have this idea that some characters are born meaner than others, it allows us to ignore psychology and sociology, but it's not fun.

We can suppose Ivan was born in the guild, like Makarov and certainly Laxus. And as it's shown every single second that Fairy Tail is a very healthy environment, a "big family", so even if Ivan was a bit twisted, he would not have been so mean with his colleagues, provoking his exclusion, and he would have not tried to destroy the guild.

Unless he have daddy issues too. Let's consider : Makarov has a son and the mother is nowhere to be found. Doesn't it remind you of something ? But Makarov know his relationship with his father wasn't awesome, so he tries differently.

So two possibilities can be explored :

1- Ivan is a spoiled child. Being the master's son allows him to do reprehensible things and not be punished after, or not too much, and Makarov wants to give him all the freedom he didn't have. Until he almost kills another member of the guild. Then Makarov is forced to expel him. He takes away the thing that gave Ivan an almost unlimited power, and he doesn't like it. So if he can't have Fairy Tail, nobody will.

2- Makarov prefers the guild to his son. He doesn't know how to raise a kid, what if he screws like his father ? (Spoiler : he does) So when Precht makes him the new master, he puts all his soul into his job. But Ivan wants a father. So he does everything to make his father notice him, to make his father proud. It leads him to dark places, and thus, being strong = being good enough. Unfortunately, it doesn't work, because he ends up expelled. So, by pure rage, he decides to destroy the thing his father loved more than him. (It's my favorite version)

In both cases, Ivan manipulates his son into believing that being strong is the only way for him to be respected, to be seen.

Which leads us to the Laxus part (finally)

It's canon that Ivan pushed his son to be the strongest (to the point he put a lacrima in his body) so yeah, Laxus has daddy issues. But he has gampa issues too.

Let's continue with the theory we built on this post : Makarov doesn't really raise his son, why would he raise his grandson ?

But we see Makarov taking care of a very young Laxus. Thus, Laxus once loved his grandfather. Except Ivan didn't. So we can suppose he decided to keep his son under his control by manipulating him into thinking he has to be the strongest.

Then Ivan was banned.

The problem with an abusive relationship is that the victim thinks the abuser is on the right, which explains why Laxus was all but happy his father was expelled. But he stayed in Fairy Tail, because despite everything, Fairy Tail is his home. But this home is controlled by the man who banned his father (his abuser)

Laxus becomes a rank-S mage, which means he's the strongest. He has all the rights to make Fairy Tail his home, not Makarov's.

Well yes, but no.

Because there's Mirajane, a prodigy so fucking strong she becomes a rank-S mage too. But Lisanna dies, and suddenly everybody loves Mirajane. She even becomes the right arm of Makarov, because she's too weak now to create problems now.

And there's Natsu and Gray, Makarov's little boys. They're noisy, annoying, but they have potential. They have the potential to become stronger than Laxus. And Makarov loves them.

But more important, because there's Erza, who is so strong, so kind, so nice... Who is his grandfather's favorite. The same grandfather who did nothing when Ivan imprisoned Laxus into a psychological jail and who banned Ivan for somebody else's weakness. And Laxus knows it : she is the future master of Fairy Tail. She will steal his home and make it even weaker.

So he has to take Fairy Tail now, even if his grandfather dies in the process. Better, it will make things easier !

But in the end, Laxus loves Fairy Tail. He loves the guild enough to not betray everybody by joining his father's guild.

Laxus broke the cycle. And I don't think it was thanks to Makarov. If Laxus broke the cycle, it's because despite everything, he has weirdos to stick with. The Raijinshuu are a safe place for Laxus, they are strong enough to be his friends colleagues, they don't call him "psychotic" when he tells them he wants the guild, and more important, they care for him.

Laxus broke the cycle thanks to people who cared for him. They even wanted to follow him when he was banned ! But he said no, because he care for them and he knows they will be better in Fairy Tail.

Now, let's consider : travelling must have felt like therapy for Laxus : he's not part of Fairy Tail anymore and he's sure he will never have the possibility to come back, but he will not join his father because he doesn't want to put his friends in danger. So he has to do something by himself, not under the influence of his father. And I believe this emancipation was beneficial for him. He could learn what it means to be himself, not Ivan's son or Makarov's grandson.

I don't think he fully forgave Makarov for his inaction and for loving other more than him, and he's not completely out of Ivan's philosophy, those things need time, but he escaped the cycle.

[reverie-quotes]

You ask if we cats can see ghosts. Don't you know that there are things in this world that are better left a mystery?

— Hiro Arikawa, The Travelling Cat Chronicles

[multimonorail]

Big Hero 6 Month Day 3: Robotics

Megabot in Big Hero 6: The Series

[z0mbie2b0y]

"I need more monoshinkami fluff" (I say while daydreaming about Denki angst tweets where he's being ignored and Shinso and Monoma become his friends and help him realize that friendship isn't supposed to be one-sided and make him feel like he's not a burden)

[whumpsoda]

how’d hiro react when their intellect slowly started draining out of them

cw: brainwashing, pet whump, dehumanization

He swallowed, hard and difficult around the suffocating lump in his throat. Fingers tangled through clumps of his grease and blood stained hair, wrists clanking around the bulky, metal, power suppressing cuffs. Biting his dry, fraying lip, he stifled a whimper.

He was losing-

He couldn’t remember-

What?

Shutting his eyes tight, Hiro choked out a strangled sob, shrieky and grating against his raw run vocal chords. His mind was turning fast with his pounding heart, yet still so horrifyingly slow. He couldn’t catch onto any of his blaring thoughts of fear, couldn’t digest them enough to understand. His mind was becoming foreign to him, the realization being the only thing sticking with him.

It was almost as if he could feel the very stitches of his mind failing and falling apart right before him, washing him right down the drain with each session of brainwashing. Hiro could sense the breaking of his mind, how it gummed up and would continue to melt until nothing was left.

He squealed this time, piercing and hoarse as he pounded his feet to the floor and fists to his head, as if his fight would do anything with his brain already beginning it’s steady decline.

Through his cries he made out the faint clicking of his cell door, shying away from the nearing, fearfully familiar footsteps. 

“Y- yuh, you…! G- go! Go aw-… ay!” Hiro slurred, forcing the heavy, babbled words out from his lips. Curling only further in on himself, Hiro plastered himself to the wall.

Doyle tisked in his reverberating, dizzying voice, only sending Hiro’s brain further spinning. “Well that’s no way to talk to your owner now, is it?” 

Stumbling around his lolling tongue and mushy mind, Hiro spat between snivels. “F- f- fuh…! Fuck- ck- you!”

Crouching down to his captive’s level, Doyle closed in on his prey. “Now now, Hiro, those are naughty words not meant for good puppies, right?” 

Hiro merely gagged in his own misery and humiliation, spilling out only more mindless sobs of desperation.

“C’mon Hiro, we’ve got some more progress to make today.” Slumping to the floor, Hiro cried out a piercing wail, tear filled eyes catching Doyle’s upturned grin. “If you’re a good boy, maybe you’ll even be rewarded with a nice treat and some belly rubs. Doesn’t that sound nice?” 

The villain grabbed his hollering captive by his metal chained leash, yanking him toward what could only be a mind melting downfall.

Taglist -

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[freedom-barricades-bighero16]

Hoo boy, it's the Fugitives arc. Our heroes are in huge trouble...

I'd like to give @dancing-with-mayoi a huge kudos for helping me with the cover art idea!

Summary: When the holidays ended and spring approaches, the incidents that occur would make Big Hero 6 decide to lay low, especially after they were declared as outlaws by the Chief of Police. And as they attempt to piece together the nature of the returning high-tech attacks and more outlaws come into their story, they would come to realise that their world has more grey areas than they thought.

Updates: Saturdays

Status: Ongoing (16/34)

Current episode: The Right Thing to Do (Mid-season finale)

Opening theme: Zankyousanka

Ending theme: Asa Ga Kuru

Link to story:

Previous story: Click here

[the-red-thread-that-strangles]

Akai Shuuichi isn't afraid of heights. Like any sane person, however, he dreads the fall.

Though he questions his sanity. Because try as he might to stay away from the edge, it calls to him. Staring into sweet oblivion sends shivers down his spine, the uncertainty of his fate a thrill like no other. Most days he trusts in himself, his ability to walk the razor's edge, but he's fallen before. And it hurt.

Of course, pain is just a part of life he's learned to live with. In his line of work, people get injured all the time. And if you can't handle that, you have to be very lucky to make it out alive. For the longest time, death wasn't an option.

(Now, it wouldn't be so bad.)

So he steadied himself, got smarter, hardier. Better at avoiding situations that result in pain. And better at shutting it out, too, when it did appear, in order to keep going.

Why, then, does his chest ache and burn?

It's quite simple.

Layers and layers of ice, degrees of separation in place precisely to protect him from pain like this, melted through by Rei's blazing heat.

What a stupid thing he's done, to get attached again.

He could've tried to resist, at the start. Before things had gone too far. Before he got to know Furuya Rei.

But maybe, by then, it was already too late. In truth, he probably doomed himself years ago, when he accepted Scotch's offer of companionship. It brought Bourbon into his orbit, and the man's never been any less than doggedly persistent. Once Shuuichi let him in, he was never going to escape unscathed.

Shuuichi let him get too close, and got burnt as a result. Could see it coming, too, for the longest time. But how was he supposed to escape Rei's brilliance? His touch, devastatingly kind? It would be like trying to block out the sun - an exercise in painful impossibility.

So he's stopped trying, and embraced the wildfire that is Rei. Of course he burns, it's his nature.

(There's some things Shuuichi will need to reevaluate about his own, now that he has time. Because he certainly never thought of himself as a masochist, and yet, despite the pain, he knows one thing for certain: he wouldn't want things any other way.)

(Not one that is available to him, at least.)

Thus, he resorts to clinging to the vestiges of patience and composure he has cultivated for years to keep working through the situation with a cool head.

To do what is right.

He's putting back together what he tore apart, unwittingly, some three years ago now. Their struggle is over. They deserve to rest and recover, nurse their wounds - together.

It doesn't matter that he feels like he's bleeding out. He's used to patching himself up, after all.

And he's glad that he can do this for his... friends. The term invokes a foreign, gentle joy. They're no longer team mates, no longer allies, no longer forced together by circumstance. That's in the past, now. They stick to each other by choice, these days. That makes them friends, right?

He's happy for his friends.

Shuuichi pours himself another glass of scotch.

.

He should've picked a different hotel than his family.

Rather, his family should've really looked into a permanent residence already, considering Masumi has decided she doesn't want to go back to Britain. It's not like mother could refuse, after all the things his little sister did for her - not least of which, coming clean to Shiho and convincing her to share the APTX antidote, when all was said and done.

They're certainly not lacking in money, and Shuuichi's sure the Hanedas have connections that would make finding a flat, or even a house, possible, even on short notice.

Then again, Masumi told him they've been living in a hotel for more than half a year - maybe they've simply grown used to the comforts. It's not for him, but he's rarely seen eye to eye with mother.

Regardless, none of this excuses banging at his door at seven in the morning, on the dot.

"Shuu, are you up yet?"

Well, if he wasn't, he surely would be, now. Years undercover have left him a light sleeper out of necessity - it's a habit he won't be able to break for quite a while, even if he wanted to.

Still, the splitting headache and nausea make him consider playing dead. He doesn't feel much better than it, in any case.

Another set of knocks shakes his door. He loves his sister, and her determination is one of her best traits. But some of these days, it's also highly inconvenient.

"One moment."

He drags himself off the barstool, checks the mirror. Can almost hear Rei telling him he looks like death warmed over. Roughly two hours of sleep half-draped over the hotel room bar certainly didn't do him any favours.

He buttons up his shirt in an attempt at modesty, combs back his hair roughly. Part of him wants to send Masumi away - she's idolised him for too long. His little sister doesn't deserve to have the illusion of composure shattered, shouldn't have to see him, like this.

But she told him, at her birthday party, trying alcohol for the first time in their family home, under his watchful eyes. Always direct, but, as it turned out, even more so when tipsy:

'When all of this is over, I want my brother back. Just...you, however you are.'

If Shuuichi waits for a time where he feels ready to talk to her, won't stain her merely by existing in proximity, they'll never get to meet at all.

(He can't have that. He's missed too much, already.)

So he drags himself to the door, dishevelled, morning breath and all. Opens it a crack.

"Morning." If his voice is a little rougher than usual, there's nothing he can do about it.

Masumi pushes the door wide open so she can step in, giving him a wide berth. Inspects him head to toe, worry clear in her scowl and the wrinkle of her nose.

"...is this a bad time?", she asks, a glint to her eyes as she notices the half-empty bottle of scotch on the bar's counter. She can't help it - a detective through and through, and not good enough at feigning nonchalance yet. The evidence at the crime scene is surely forming a rather damning picture - he really should have put the bottle back into the bar before letting her in.

She plops down on the small sofa, makes herself comfortable while he opens the window. That should at least give them some relief from the smells accumulated overnight in the room.

"No. You're just here early. Is something the matter?"

He doesn't bother with pleasantries on principle, but at this hour he finds himself even less inclined. Besides - she wouldn't be here this early if it wasn't important. At least Shuuichi dearly hopes she has more sense than that.

Masumi looks down at the floor, a little guilty. He settles on the barstool and waits for her hesitation to blow over. Must really be looking like shit, if he's managed to curb her usual enthusiasm.

"I was going to ask for a favour, but I'm really not sure-"

He gives her an unimpressed look, from up upon his perch. It's a little too early to beat around the bush.

"Masumi." A single word, aimed to cut her off with calm precision. "How do I help?"

He might not be feeling well, but he's a professional - he's worked in worse conditions, for less important reasons. He'll drag himself out of his slump, if she needs him.

"You don't have to. It's silly." She gives him a sheepish smile, fangs and all.

"That's for me to decide, once you let me know what you need. So?"

She steadies herself, looks up at him, and sighs.

"For context, it's been months now, but Ran's still down about the whole Shinichi fiasco. So, we've decided to surprise her with an outing, tomorrow night."

So far so good, although he doesn't see where that concerns him.

"It was gonna be just us girls, and I'm confident that between Ran and myself, we can handle anyone stupid enough to try and cause trouble. But you know how it is in Beika. There's always a risk."

He does indeed know how Beika has somehow overtaken Osaka in every single criminal statistic there is. If she didn't have friends here, he would suggest moving elsewhere. He hears Nagano is very lovely, all year 'round.

"So we were discussing if there's anyone we could bring for company. And, well-"

"Go on."

"Sonoko somehow - I'd really like her resources - caught wind that Okiya Subaru is back on 'vacation'. She might have suggested asking him to accompany us?"

Not entirely unexpected - miss Suzuki had taken something of a liking to him, for whatever reason. It's a testament to the improvement of his acting skills. Engaging with kids and teenagers is a far cry more difficult and involved than his cover as Rye, somehow.

"...she may also be under the inaccurate impression, you, well, he could be a potential match for Ran."

At least his sister's on the right page there. That's not happening, never in a thousand years. Even if Ran wasn't barely more than half his age, she's too innocent, selfless, kind. If something like love exists in his heart, it couldn't ever be for someone like her - not again.

"You want me to decline the offer, then?" Simple enough.

Masumi shakes her head.

"No, Sonoko's right. It's always good to have an extra pair of eyes, and I'd love to have you with us. Been too long since we last spent time together. Besides, I don't think Ran is even interested in you - or anyone, really, after that disaster..." It takes him a moment to place the bitterness in her voice, uncharacteristic as it is.

"And that is unexpected?"

"No. I get it, she needs time. But she's miserable, and I want her to cheer up already..." Masumi mumbles the latter half to herself, subdued. Shuuichi's not sure he was supposed to hear that, but, well. He did.

"You'll get through to her eventually."

Good back-up gets one out of the toughest of scrapes, he can attest to that. If his sister is determined to get Ran to feel better, her persistence will make it come true, eventually.

"I sure hope so." She smiles up at him.

He finds his lips quirking up in response. "You focus on helping her. I'll cover your back."

He's sure he'll manage not to indulge miss Suzuki's delusions too badly. Rei often let him know how off-putting he can be, after all - finally a good use for his skills.

"Thanks, Shuu."

She gets up. Stops a couple of steps away from him, hovering uncertainly. When he raises an eyebrow, he can almost see the 'ah, fuck it', and then she's hugging him. Shuichi pats her back, a little awkwardly.

"Any time", he says and means it. "If there's anything else..."

She tenses next to him, but shakes her head.

"No, it's...I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

Well, now he is a little worried. He'll need to keep an eye out for whatever's troubling her.

"Alright." He won't push her; she'll tell him if she needs to.

Masumi lets go and scurries off, fleeing for the door.

"Text me the time and place, I'll be there."

"Will do. See you tomorrow." She nods and waves her goodbye. He follows to lock the door behind her, the bolt sliding shut with a satisfying clack.

There's just one small problem. He currently doesn't have Okiya's get-up. And Okiya doesn't live in this hotel.

After dropping him off yesterday, Shuuichi had planned not to bother him for a couple of days. Well. That plan has just been tossed out the window rather unceremoniously.

It can't be helped. With a bit of apprehension, he calls Scotch.

.

Under the cover of darkness, Shuuichi scales the garden wall, dropping into the Kudo's backyard without issue. The alarms have been disabled according to the schedule he provided.

He slips in through the unlocked backdoor, shutting it behind himself. The security systems of the place are too familiar; he reactivates them on autopilot. Better to avoid unpleasant surprises, wherever possible.

Clearly, Scotch had a similar idea - Shuuichi can barely see his outline in the darkened kitchen, but the revolver he gave to him gleams in the dim light. It's nice to see he's making good use of it.

Sharp blue eyes scan him.

"The passphrase?"

Nostalgia steals the air from his lungs. Between unsafe safe houses, a trigger-happy Bourbon, and working with people best described as shapeshifters, they needed a way to identify themselves, and quickly, when they returned home.

It's been years since he's last spoken it, but the passphrase comes to him as easily as breathing.

"Eat, drink, and be merry..."

Scotch had suggested the words, years ago. The motto he lived by, when not on the job, in order to not lose his sanity. The motto he'd imposed on Rye, as well, when they became partners.

A cheshire grin in the night.

"...for tomorrow we die." Scotch finishes their creed, lowers the revolver.

"Welcome home, Rye."

.

It's always been easy to find comfort by Scotch's side. Between the greeting, making gyoza together - which goes much better than their attempts years ago - and watching mindless action movies with a glass of bourbon, ripping apart impossible stunt work, it's difficult not to fall into a simulacrum of the fragile peace they'd carved out for themselves, away from organisation work.

Only this time, the peace is real.

Despite his apprehensions about meeting Scotch, Shuuichi's glad he's here - travelling with him is one thing, but he didn't realize just how much he's missed downtime with his ex-partner. Scotch's sharp intellect and easy-going attitude make for pleasant company.

It's exactly what he needs to unwind.

Which is why he doesn't see how Scotch has him cornered until it's too late.

.

The neighbourhood of the Kudo manor is quiet, at night.

As they head out onto the balcony for a smoke in the moonlight, their conversation turns to hushed whispers. Mellowed by an evening of pleasant company and several drinks, the world sharpens into focus between them, illuminated by the glow of their cigarettes.

Standing would be too visible, so they sit on the stone floor, side by side, like so many times before.

"Hey, Akai?" His name, not his monicker. A chilling sense of dread creeps into his chest. Please, no.

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

Shuuichi closes his eyes. He can take a good guess where this is going. Thus, he takes a deep drag from his cigarette, and braces himself.

"You know. For letting me meet Zero."

He'd been hoping against hope they could avoid the topic altogether. After all, they've made it several hours without addressing it. But unfortunately, it seems his luck has run out.

(Still, having seen Scotch in good spirits all evening makes it worthwhile, just a bit.)

Maybe they can just move along quickly.

"Think nothing of it."

"No. Akai, listen. I know you had to pull some strings to make it happen, and I want you to know I appreciate that. We appreciate that - even if Zero is pissed. First thing he did was slap me; told me I was late."

Scotch laughs, low and sweet in the night air.

They both know he let himself get slapped - Rei tends to telegraph too much, when he's angry, and surely it's even more obvious for someone so intimately familiar with him. The thought stings. And yet, through it, Shuuichi can't help the help the small smile creeping on his face. That sounds like Rei, all right. He would've liked to see it - someone else the target of his anger, for once.

Scotch seems happy to just bask in the memory, but Shuuichi's curiosity has been piqued.

"Did you manage to resolve your issues?" After all, that was the goal. If they didn't, none of this was worth it - several hoops he jumped through, bureaucratic and personal, for nothing.

"It's tentative, so far, but I have faith we'll get there. We've been through too much, together, at this point. This won't break us... I hope."

Shuuichi is reminded painfully of the bits and pieces he's heard of their childhood adventures. Fishing and fighting and being friends. It must be nice, to have found love so early in life. To get to keep it, too.

"I don't think so, it's clear how much he missed you. I'd be surprised if he ever let you go again." It leaves him a little cold, to no longer be the focal point of Furuya's burning determination. Chasing him was always just a means to an end for getting to Scotch. And now his wish has been granted. Shuuichi hopes it's worth it.

When he smiles, Shuuichi is sure this is Hiro, the person closest to Rei. It burns, but at the same time he finds himself glad that Scotch shines with such utter fondness when he talks of Zero. That's what Rei deserves, after all.

"I hope so. I don't intend to leave again, anyways. Every single day when I was hiding, I missed him."

It's a quiet, gentle admission Akai isn't sure how to handle. All these emotions are a bit too much - he's not used to being thanked, unless it's with useless medals, and he's not used to being confided in. He supposes it's nice that Scotch trusts him enough to lay himself bare like this, nowadays. Still, he can't help but wish for the old times, when they were much better at keeping their feelings out of his face. He's already happy for them; isn't that enough?

Scotch turns to look at him, blue eyes burning bright in the moonlight.

"And I missed you, too."

Cold wind tousles his hair. Shuuichi stares at Scotch.

If he didn't know what to say before, he certainly doesn't do so now. How can Hiro say that so easily? It's too personal. It's one thing to have his little sister say it, who only ever saw an idealized version of him to look up to. For Scotch to say this, despite knowing what he did, who he is - it makes Shuuichi nauseous.

Because he can tell Scotch is being painfully genuine.

'I missed you too', burns in his throat. But too many conflicting emotions keep it tightly sealed. His breathing becomes difficult, requires a conscious effort to take air in, hold, breathe out. Repeat.

And Scotch isn't even done yet.

"Akai. I have to get used to that name now, huh? Feel free to call me by my name, too, if you want."

With how his mind is spinning, it's difficult to figure out what he wants at all, besides for Scotch, no, Hiromitsu to stop. He's ripping apart the bubble of warm nostalgia that was enveloping them so nicely, leaving them exposed to the present. The night is cold and uncertain, without its protection.

"...you haven't been meeting my eyes all evening. Please, Akai - let me know what's wrong. We couldn't, back then, but I'd like to be your friend, now."

It's the kindest smile he's seen on Sc- Hiromitsu yet, and it's too much. Shuuichi has to avert his eyes, can't keep looking at his former partner, all earnest focus placed on him. A shiver runs downs his spine.

There's few things he wants more, in life.

"...we are", he manages to tear from his aching throat, choked up with emotion. This is a bad idea. He's not supposed to get attached. He's just making the same mistake, over and over again. He should've kept quiet.

(If he'd told Akemi how he truly felt, would it have mattered?)

"Then why do you seem miserable, whenever you look at me? Why do you try to avoid me? Don't think I didn't notice."

Of course he did, always too sharp. So helpful, on a mission, and occasionally in private too; he'd know they were getting sick before they really felt it, start treatment with soup and tea early. Taking care of them, even then.

"It's got nothing to do with you, it's-" 'me', he wants to say. Fear and bitter envy, the brunt of which Hiromitsu really doesn't deserve to face. So Shuuichi's been trying to avoid them, and, by extension, his former partner.

He manages to catch himself in time, before he gives voice to feelings that can't be unsaid.

"Yes?" Hiromitsu's voice is calm and patient and Shuuichi hates him for the attention he's paying to him.

He manages to correct his course in time, if barely.

"You and Rei deserve some time alone, now that you're finally back together." It's close enough, only a partial lie. They're so important to each other, and he truly wants them to make up. He'd only be in their way.

"Rei, hm?" Hiro smiles at him. Of course he picked up on Shuuichi's blunder.

He's had just about enough of being cornered. Gets up and is about to head inside and maybe hide in the attic for a while. The door can be barricaded from the inside. Hiromitsu rises after him, puts a hand around his wrist in a vice grip.

"Let. Go." It takes all his patience to not just break Scotch's arm and leave.

"I'm sorry for pushing you, Akai. Please, give me half a minute more."

Unfortunately, his best glare stopped working on Scotch several years back. Shuuichi looks at his wristwatch, starts counting down. As soon as Hiromitsu starts talking, he knows his time is better spent focusing on what he has to say, instead.

"Look at me, Akai, and listen up. You can't get between the two of us. I've offered you a place at my side years ago, and Zero... well, he's come around. The offer still stands. It wasn't conditional, but if it was, you would've earned your place easily, by now. I owe you my life, and so does Zero, several times over."

"We did what we had to, and you did the same for me." For the longest time it was that simple, their relationship purely transactional, because Bourbon could only ever deal in exchanges. A favour for a favour.

It's long since stopped working that way, and Shuuichi knows it.

"Oh, please. None us had to do anything more than cooperate on missions, and yet we all chose to do so anyways. You're one of us, Akai. Stop fighting it."

And he wants to, desperately so. The thought of spilling his rotten insides for them to see has him sick to his stomach, and yet, how much worse could it be than what they've already witnessed?

Hiromitsu squeezes his arm, a burning brand of human connection. It staves off the cold, just a little.

When he speaks again, it's soft, but firm.

"You should've joined us for dinner, yesterday. Both of us missed you."

Shuuichi doesn't know what to say to that, too busy fighting his internal battles, but surely something shows on his face, because Hiro laughs at him.

"As amusing as it is to see you flush, no, that wasn't an invitation to a threesome."

...he isn't quite sure whether he's supposed to be relieved, or crestfallen, at this.

"I didn't think-"

"Yeah, I'm sure you didn't." Hiromitsu's smile is too sly and knowing. It's a testament to the fact Shuuichi's spent too much time with Furuya, because wiping it off his face in a fight sure sounds appealing, right about now.

He's always been better at expressing himself through deeds rather than words, anyways.

"Otherwise, I wouldn't need to set the record straight. Zero's furious, by the way. Count yourself lucky that I'm the one breaking the news to you. He doesn't appreciate being set up on a date with his best friend."

Hiromitsu pauses, presumably to let that sink in. Shuuichi stares him down. That is supposed to be new information, how?

"Let me be perfectly clear: I love Zero."

He says it easily, with a sweet smile. It stings fiercely in Shuuichi's chest. By now, he thinks he knows what Hiromitsu is playing at, but unfortunately that knowledge doesn't prevent it from being an effective tactic.

(If this is how Hiromitsu treats his friends, he doesn't want to be his enemy.)

"He's my best friend, I love him like a brother. But he's family. Nothing more, nothing less."

There's a small pang of guilt at the relief that floods his system, but he needs it said explicitly to really believe it.

"You aren't a couple, then?"

Hiromitsu raises an eyebrow, as if to ask 'and why would that matter to you?' But thankfully he's done teasing, or Shuuichi really would need to break something, or rather, someone.

"No. I can see how you got the idea, but there's never been anything between us. Zero says you have a brother? Imagine we presumed the same about you two, just because you're close."

The confirmation lets him breathe more freely, even if it will need time to settle. His mind is still spinning, too many thoughts fighting for control. From this mess, of all things, his long-forgotten manners emerge as the failsafe. "Sorry."

Hiromitsu waves it off with a grin.

"I don't mind too much, we got excellent dinner out of it. Thank you for that, by the way. But do make sure to apologize properly to Rei."

Hiro winks at him, then straightens, looks him in the eye.

Squeezes his arm a final time, before he lets go.

"I mean it, Akai - you're our friend. And I hope you rest a little easier, knowing the truth."

Shuuichi does.

.

He's five minutes late to the requested location downtown - through little fault of his own, this time.

Masumi's text arrived a mere twenty minutes ago, and the things PSB liaison Akai Shuuichi might get away with, such as speeding, don't apply to the civilian Okiya Subaru (though that would admittedly be a very nice perk of the job).

He can hazard a guess why Masumi didn't send the details earlier as he drives past the building in question to find a parking spot - she probably didn't want to give him time to reconsider and back out.

Because she's dragging him to a goddamn karaoke bar, and, standing in the huddle of girls waiting for him, is Miyano Shiho.

His instincts tell him to cancel, to take up position on the rooftop bar across the street - it would provide easier surveillance options.

(But he's tried to protect Akemi from afar, and failed her, miserably.)

Besides, he promised, and he really does try to be better, these days.

So he smiles, all awkward and apologetic Subaru, as he joins them. It's going to be a long night.

(He's soothed by the smell of Rei's hypoallergic fabric softener clinging to the sweater he picked. Can't help but feel that there would be a certain appeal to sharing them, if Rei were open to the idea.)

.

The evening goes better than he imagined, all things considered, even if there's crying involved - as is often the case when he meets Mouri Ran.

It's a pleasant distraction, if nothing else.

He keeps an eye on Masumi all night to see what could possibly be bothering her, but as far as he can tell she's genuinely happy to spend the night with her friends. In fact, considering she told him how it had been too long since they'd last seen each other, she pays surprisingly little attention to him.

He prefers it this way.

(Although he would've liked to ask for her advice on how to apologise properly. Alas, this is probably not the right time, or place.)

.

Mostly he stays at their table, watching the girls' drinks and the crowd, occasionally giving guys who seem to consider chatting the girls up cheerful glares. Masumi made her wishes very clear, after all.

It's a good thing he talked to Scotch Hiromitsu yesterday. Enthusiasm permeates the bar, but unfortunately confidence doesn't equate to talent. Several of the loud, out of tune performances would've been torture with a hangover.

He finds himself humming along to the classics regardless.

As it is, it's almost pleasant. Sure, Shiho keeps ignoring him when it's just the two of them left at the table, but that's better than open hostility. Probably.

(It feels a little worse.)

.

Two hours in Sonoko ushers Ran to stay with Subaru rather conspicuously.

Smalltalk is stilted between them, lacking in common ground, and it doesn't really help that their connection is through the Kudo family, the memories of which she's here to escape for the night. She's polite as ever, but without the other girls as buffer, the conversation quickly runs dry.

Thankfully, the girls' singing distracts them soon enough. A cutesy pop song about moving on, dedicated to Ran.

She seems about ready to cry halfway through, and by the time they're done she's sniffling and trying to discreetly wipe her tears. Shuuichi gives her a handkerchief and pats her back rather awkwardly in an effort to try and soothe her. He hopes the girls will be back soon to take care of this. He's woefully underqualified to handle this kind of situation.

When they finally do get back, he plans to excuse himself, but before he finds a good time he's swept up in a group hug instead.

Turns out he might have misread the situation - what with Ran being overjoyed at her friends' continued support, and needing to express that, somehow. How exactly that translates into him also being included in their huddle is beyond his comprehension, but he's not going to struggle and cause a scene.

(It's kind of nice to see her smile again - gloominess doesn't suit her.)

.

It might've been a bit too much excitement for Ran, because around midnight she's almost falling asleep at their table. At this point, the rest of the girls declare their mission a success, and the focus shifts to trying to figure out how to get back in the middle of the night.

Shuuichi volunteers to drive them home.

It's crammed in his little Subaru, but the girls manage, and once he's dropped off Sonoko, things quiet down considerably.

Masumi makes him swear not to tell their mother how long they were out.

He agrees, of course, knowing he got up to much worse as a teen - back when he was still susceptible to peer pressure and living abroad in a fraternity, alcohol made him do very stupid things indeed to prove his worth.

If this is how Masumi chooses to defy their mother, he'll take it - she could be up to so much worse.

She's arranged to stay with Ran; thus, he's released from his services for the night. He watches as they help each other up the stairs, leaning in close, whispering and laughing to each other.

He would make an assumption, now, but Hiromitsu's words are still clear in his mind.

So for now, he refrains, and is simply glad they're supporting each other.

.

In the end, predictably, Shiho is the only one left in the car.

"Didn't dare to join us wearing your own skin, cousin?"

He shrugs. "Masumi requested Subaru."

"Well. At least you didn't creep on us from several buildings away. Baby steps." 'But progress, nonetheless', her small smile says.

He doesn't know why he says it. Maybe because it's late. Because Scotch Hiromitsu has chipped away at his protective tissue. Because it's Shiho.

"Staying away didn't save her." He doesn't need to say who - the same wound is carved into Shiho's heart, after all. And judging by the songs she chose to sing today, it still bleeds just the same.

She sighs, long-winded and too world-weary for a girl her age.

"No. No, it didn't. All it did was rob us of the time we had with her. Utter idiocy, in retrospect."

Shuuichi hums in agreement. Lost opportunities they'll never get back, all thanks to lies and the wish to protect her.

"I tried to push her away, you know? I was too involved - maybe, if she didn't know what I was doing, she could retain her innocence. Maybe she could even leave, one day, I'd hoped. But she clung to me stubbornly."

Never backing down from what she wanted, from those she loved. That's the women he fell for.

Shuuichi finds himself smiling, somewhat pained.

"She loved you dearly, to the bitter end."

He hands her the flip phone that has been his constant companion for almost a year now. Past the lockscreen waits Akemi's last message to him. With its P.S., asking him to protect her dear little sister, if the worst should come to pass.

He never got to reply to her, to promise that he would, of course he would.

It's short, so Shiho doesn't take long to read it. She attempts to hand it back, eyes glistening, but not crying.

Always composed, in front of him.

"Keep it."

It hurts to let go of it, but Shiho deserves to have assurance of Akemi's love, even in death.

(Unlike himself, who only ever lied to her.)

She looks up at him, uncertain, but what she reads on his face seems enough to convince her. She snaps the phone shut, cradles it to her chest.

Smiles grimly at him. "Thank you."

The rest of the car ride passes in silence.

They split up in front of the Kudo mansion.

"...I was planning to visit her grave on the weekend. You should come."

.

Shuuichi knows where Akemi's ashes have been laid to rest - he was the one to pay for her funeral, after all.

(Once upon a time, he'd dreamt of a future with her, of being family. Cruel irony, how that turned out to be true.)

Since her parents were never officially buried, and he hadn't been able to reach Shiho, he'd made the selfish decision to have Akemi's ashes stored in the Sera family grave.

He hasn't had the time to visit, yet - first, things had been too dangerous, then too busy, and by now, he's really just been unable to face her, alone. He's glad he doesn't have to, now.

Shiho sets down an incense stick, and some cut flowers - white gladioli. Shuuichi squats down next to her, puts down his flowers - lilies, also white - into the vase and lights the incense.

"Hey, sis. Look who I managed to drag along."

"Hello, Akemi." Sorry it took so long.

They stand, side by side, in silent prayer.

He's had days to prepare himself, to think about what he wants to say to her. But as he stands before her grave, all that's left is sorrow, a hollow in his chest where she should be.

(Filled with regret, and someone else. Jodie's right. He's a terrible partner.)

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you the truth.

I'm sorry I left you behind.

I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.

I miss you.

The gentle smile when she talked about her little sister. The sweet blush when he'd kissed her hand. The way she'd awkwardly apologize for flipping the pancake she was making for breakfast into the sink. The ikebana arrangements she'd spend hours and hours on, decorating her flat. Her kind hands, mending his body and soothing his soul. The way the sunlight would turn her hair into gold.

A thousand small joys she gave to him, and all he had for her in turn were lies.

He doesn't remember the last time he cried - maybe as a child, when he fell and scraped his knee. It feels so far away.

His body doesn't remember how to, either - otherwise he surely would be, now.

How cruel. Even in death, he can't show her his honest feelings.

Shuuichi shows her cold comfort, instead.

Takes out a plastic evidence bag he requisitioned from the PSB, and places it on the altar as an offering. In it, the shattered scope of a rifle, splattered with its owner's blood. Gin's. It was found by his side, together with his Beretta, the instrument of his voluntary destruction. As the PSB forces had closed in on him, he'd chosen to kill himself, rather than surrender.

When Shuuichi lies awake at night, it irks him that Gin had a choice, at the end, where he took it away from so many others. He didn't deserve that kindness. A part of him is furious that he wasn't there to see his enemy's dying breaths, preferably through the scope of his rifle.

But it was probably for the best - if he'd been there, he's not sure he could've reigned himself in. Might've murdered Gin with his own two hands, and become the kind of monster he swore to hunt. (And if he's completely honest, there's another possibility: caught in a struggle with his enemy, he might have lost sight of his surroundings and slipped up. Facing Gin, that would've been a death sentence.)

Instead, and he's got the boy to thank for that, he was tasked with keeping their allies - Rei - alive and breathing. He can't help but feel like that matters.

I'm sorry I couldn't avenge you; you deserved better.

But he won't be making anyone miserable, anymore.

It's over, and they're still standing, in defiance of the bloodlust of their enemies. He's managed to keep one promise to Akemi, at least.

I'll continue to watch over her, if she lets me.

Shiho claps beside him, done with her prayer.

Thank you for everything.

The incense stick's stump turns to ash and scatters in the wind.

I hope your spirit can find peace, Akemi.

.

When he lights himself a cigarette to calm his mind, Shiho holds out a hand, wordlessly, expectantly.

He regards her with mild curiosity, but offers the pack regardless.

"What. You think I haven't done worse?"

She snatches his lighter, and with a hiss of flame, lights up her own cigarette.

"Akemi used to tell me to stay away from drugs, but I deserve this for bringing you here."

She takes a deep drag, managing not to cough. It's clear, from her posture and practiced ease, that it's far from her first foray into smoking.

"I hated you, you know? For the longest time. For playing with her, breaking her heart, leaving her behind, all alone. Leaving her to die."

It burns his lungs, to have his own thoughts voiced out loud, by Shiho of all people. But he deserves every cruel word dropped from her lips - she speaks nothing but the truth, after all. He needs to bear her judgement.

Shiho smiles, grimly. Doesn't look at him, focused on the grave instead.

"But not Akemi. She saw through you, and loved you still. Forgave you, even, because that's the kind of person she was."

A cold spring breeze plays with her hair. The sweater and cap protect him from the worst of it, but it still bites at his face, makes his eyes sting.

"I don't think I can ever be as forgiving as she was. You were, and still often are, an unrepentant jerk."

She turns to look at him, eyes as hard as steel. So familiar his eyes burn. He can't look away.

"But her death is not your fault."

It's cloaked in insults and pain. But it's an absolution he could never have asked for, one no one else could have given him. His breathing stops, then comes a little easier.

"Neither is it Kudo's. Did he ever tell you? He was there, watched her die. For the longest time, I blamed him for not saving her. He's brilliant when he puts his mind to it. Did he care so little, as to not even try?"

She shakes her head.

"It is a cruel thing to begrudge him for having witnessed her death. He was just a kid - small, powerless, afraid. Up against enemies that tried to kill him, too, only failed through sheer luck. I had to first be put into the same shoes to understand that."

As if she's not just a kid now, too. Neither of them should have gone through what they did, and yet it happened, has left them weathered and worn, tired beyond their years. They're still young - he hopes they can recover from the worst.

"I'm trying to tell myself it's not my fault either. She died for me, for us, trying to get us out of there. But I didn't know. She kept it from me, in case something went wrong. And I lie awake, going over conversations, wondering if I missed any signs. If I could've warned her or stopped her. If she could still be here, that way."

He's familiar with the spirals and hypotheticals, repeating the scenario over and over, to look for a way out. It never changes the facts.

"That kind of thinking gets you nowhere."

She gives him a sharp glare, a wordless threat to 'shut the fuck up'. He takes a step back, raising a hand in surrender.

"I know it's useless. Because she is dead, and no amount of analysing can bring her back. At least the one person who truly is at fault will not be a problem any longer. That's a small comfort."

She glares at the scope with barely concealed hatred in her eyes.

"And that's all there is. Akemi was proud and strong-willed - she chose her path. Not reaching out to any of us for help was a choice she made. I can't take away her agency in this matter."

Shiho smiles, pained and beautiful in the setting sun.

"The worst thing is that if she hadn't done what she did, I might still be a prisoner of the organisation. I'd like to think she didn't want to die to achieve it, but she'd be so happy to see me living in the sunlight, once more."

"She would be overjoyed." It's an obvious and simple truth he can't help but confirm.

Oh. Shiho's crying, now, quiet tears trailing down her cheeks, reflecting the sunlight in streaks of gold. It shaves years of her worn face, makes her look as young as she truly is.

He gives her a handkerchief, is glad to see her accept it. She wipes her face, smudging some of the make-up - he'll need to let her know before they return to the public. She doesn't usually like it when people can see past her composure. Shuuichi's pretty sure he, too, shouldn't be here to witness this.

But she doesn't hide from him, today, so he'll take all she gives to him, and treasure it.

"I brought you here because I'm trying to be better. I got a second chance at life, and I want to take it, all of it, for myself and for Akemi. But I won't be able to, if I hold on to useless grudges."

She looks at the handkerchief in her hands.

"You're a jerk, but you're not horrible. And you're trying to be better, too."

She holds out her hand.

"I want to get to know you, Akai Shuuichi. Maybe we could start with meeting for coffee?"

He waits for her to take it back, to reconsider.

She just looks at him expectantly, raises an eyebrow too when he doesn't comply immediately.

Shuuichi is many things, but he tries not to be a coward.

So he fights the vertigo, takes a leap of faith.

"I'd like that."

And shakes her hand.

.

Sweater Weather AU masterpost

[itshirohi]

Ryuu-chan’s day off ✧₊⁺

Inspired by @rottencarr0t ‘s idea. I hope you enjoy. Warnings: not much, I think, except for the fact I am not used to writing anything so this might be terrible, not really proof-read enough either. Well, maybe a bit of implied violence too (this man istg…)

How does Ryuuken start his day?

♡ In Ryuuken’s opinion, you can’t really have a good day without starting it with a single smoke on a balcony (the only exception being particularly bad days he can already sense from the moment he wakes up). From the height of the 8th floor, where his apartment is located, he has just the perfect view to observe the usually busy streets below, now enveloped in the quiet peace of early morning hours. That’s right, the old man’s an early riser. He usually wakes up at around 4:30 AM, without needing an alarm. Even after a particularly rough or sleepless night, his eyes seem to open, wide awake at this “magical” hour. At this point he is used to it though. ♡ He spends a good while just staring and observing the few individuals who happen to be already (or still) awake at this hour, going about their business down below. They always look so small, like ants or other insects… which is precisely what most people are to Ryuuken in his eyes. He takes his sweet time smoking. No matter if the weather is bad or the air is cold, he will stand there, dressed in nothing but his sleepwear (which varies in different states of undress), allowing himself to get lost in his thoughts. ♡ This whole process usually lasts until his cigarette is fully burnt out, or his beloved kitty - Princess PomPom lets her hunger be known by meowing loudly from inside the apartment. Anything to do with his cat is always top priority, after all.

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Breakfast time!

♡ What does the man eat to get a good start of the day? Most often, nothing but a small cup of very strong and bitter coffee. He doesn’t even really like the taste of it, nor does it help him wake up any better, it’s just a habit he picked up from his father… but that is a story for another day.

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Morning routine.

♡ After he is done with his morning brooding and had his fair share of spoiling his fluffy princess, Ryuuken is ready to properly start his day. He does so by dressing up in his sportswear and going for a quick, thirty minute run around the area. He likes to do it in absolute silence, keeping track of his surroundings and the people he passes. ♡ Ryuuken is actually eerily quiet in the mornings and may not even utter a single word until he has “properly woken up”. He just blankly stares ahead, ignoring any attention he may be getting from being the tall and somewhat scary man that he is (especially when he’s so disheveled in the morning). He does not make any stops at convenience stores or anything of the sort, just keeps up with his run until he is finished. ♡ What happens when someone bumps into him on accident? Surprisingly… nothing. No matter the person, they’d simply be ignored. Probably not even the man himself could explain why that is. ♡ After Ryuuken is done with his run, he gets back home, takes a quick shower and changes into one of his usual outfits. It’s at this point that his usual personality starts to slowly manifest itself. While styling his hair (which usually takes him a good while as well) he likes to look at himself in the mirror, admiring the sights and talking to himself. He *loves* talking to himself.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

What happens after?

♡ Now it’s time for him to actually go out and eat something. What, you thought he’d actually fully skip his breakfast? Oh, you silly goose. He is a big man and he needs his calories to maintain it all! He isn’t, however, skilled or patient enough to cook it all himself, so he usually chooses one of the nearby restaurants to order a good, big meal that will satisfy his appetite. ♡ Since this is his *off-day* Ryuuken will probably find himself bored. If he can’t go do work for the Yakuza, or whatever shady business that caught his attention, it also means he can’t go and annoy any of his dear friends! Although he prefers the term “brightening up their day with his lovely presence”. Still, it’s an utter tragedy in his eyes. He needs constant attention, lest he feels that the world has forgotten about him. We can’t have that now, can we? ♡ He starts off with a quick trip to the convenience store, cigarettes run out quickly after all. While he’s at it, he tries his best to chat up whatever poor worker has their shift at the moment. What do you mean there’s a small queue forming already and people are slowly getting annoyed? They just don’t get it, do they? This is *his* day off and *his* time for groceries. They should feel blessed with his presence, if anything. Or so the delusional old man thinks to himself. ♡ In search of next potential victims to give him that sweet, needed attention, Ryuuken would usually go to a shopping mall, or a park. Let us go with the former this time. ♡ While at the mall, Ryuuken doesn’t even know if he intends to buy anything yet or not. He might get a new coat, try to use the most charming aspects of his persona to flirt with a couple ladies (or men if they catch his attention), hells, maybe even cause a little scene or two for the fun of it. As long as it keeps him entertained, anything goes. 

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Late noon and evening hours.

♡ Once he’s grown bored of bothering others, Ryuuken enters his more unstable hours. There is a chance he will remain playful and relatively harmless for the rest of the day, but due to his nature, that is rarely the case, unfortunately. ♡ Before settling on any plans for the evening, he calls every friend on his contact list (which is relatively short, for reasons “unknown”), asking to hang out. Shall anyone agree to entertain the old man’s whims, he plans something more fun, like going out for drinks or karaoke, maybe even clubbing. ♡ If, by some unfortunate and cruel play from fate’s side, he has to spend the evening by himself, Ryuuken sticks to renting a movie and lounging in his apartment with his cat. All while feeling incredibly miserable, of course. In this scenario, he usually ends up falling asleep halfway through the movie (peak old man behavior right here), cuddled up to PomPom on his bed. Yes, this has happened so many times he bought a second TV for his bedroom just because of that, why do you ask? ♡ Now… if Ryuuken is denied hanging out too many times, he can become *snappy*. He will roam the streets aimlessly, looking around for anyone who would look at him wrong or give any other good reason to beat them up. He won’t get back home until he satisfies his blood thirst, even if he has to make up reasons for roughing up (or worse) a poor, unsuspecting civilian. This is easily the worst case scenario for everyone, which is precisely why Ryuuken’s closest friend and sworn brother (OC in progress?) makes sure to hang out with him at least once a week. Being Ryuuken’s friend is no easy feat, but that is probably an idea for a potential future post.

Anyway, I think that would be about it. I hope you enjoyed the ride and sorry for any possible mistakes (I don’t trust my brain when I’m sick). Feel free to drop any asks about my OCs (mainly Kengan, but can be other if you feel like it… *wink wink*) and I’ll get back to ya later. I should probably start a new tag for this…

[bumblebeehug]

That's a very good point! Although I guess you could argue that we already had Natsu thinking Lucy was dead in the Alvarez arc? (And in GMG he literally watches a version of Lucy die.) I suppose the responsibility part would be different as you mentioned (especially if it's Ignia. Or! Lucy could die in the process of saving Natsu). But I also wonder if the 'one wish' is a fakeout plot. And if we can truly trust Elefseria. I mean who is powerful enough to grant a wish? Any wish? That's some karmic justice Genie shit type beat. (Thank you btw, for answering these asks)

(In regards to this https://www.tumblr.com/bumblebeehug/763935002780172288/ive-been-thinking-about-that-too-or?source=share )

I'm a firm believer of the fact that natsu needed all the different stages of Lucy dying. First time around it was a "fake" Lucy, the one from the future. It's the fist time we reallsery see Natsu in that broken anger, but he doesn't go insane. He's still very Natsu, no END-mode or anything, because there's still hope in his mind that he can save his Lucy (plus another bunch of factors that makes it so he doesn't activate demon mode).

The second time is during their war against Alvarez. This time he's quite involved with the whole END thing, he knows he's riding a fragile wave and that he can succumb to the demon stuff soon, so losing Lucy tips him over. At the time, he's ready to die (see shiiro's suicidal-natsu post https://www.tumblr.com/shiiro-arts/764022215033389056/is-natsu-sucdal?source=share for better insight) and he doesn't really consider a life without Lucy. He didn't think he'd make it out of that war alive, because Lucy (in his mind) wouldn't.

He naturally didn't expect her to be alive, or for him to snap out of the demon-mode, so when they all somehow made it out the other side, I think a small, thin string of hope deveoped in Natsu's heart. The bad thing is that it completely relies on Lucy's life. He can't afford to lose her again, because as far as he's concerned, he can't blame his next strike of insanity on being a demon. But he'll go completely insane if Lucy dies. He'll turn into a demon, or at least a monster, stopping at nothing until he's burned everything. An earth where Lucy dies isn't an earth worth existing.

The one wish being a fakeout plot is absolutely something I could see being true. Maybe it isn't even on purpose, Elefseria could have a scewed idea of what he's capable of, hence the reward that should be amazing in theory. It's also possible that Elefseria won't make it out alive of the 100yq. Mashima is sadly not above taking the easy way out of the corners he writes himself into. I just hope that isn't the case, cus I also know that if Mashima puts some effort into his plots, they can end up as masterpieces (Tartarus for example)

[astro-inky]

i think using the "power of friendship" as a criticism can be valid sometimes in fairy tail, and i do agree that sometimes it gets a bit ridiculous. but it is literally part of the magic system. magic in fairy tail is impacted by the casters emotions. there's even an explanation for that; all magic is born from the One Magic, the original magic, and it is heavily implied that the One Magic is love. like i get that some moments are kinda bs and some deaths should have happened, but isn't that beautiful and interesting? isn't a magic system built on the power of emotions kind of intriguing and lovely and beautiful? not only does it make fights more impactful, its such a lovely devise to explore characters and interactions. its such a smart way to explore humanity in a world of monsters and magic in my opinion. that's why i don't think it is just my nostalgia goggles that make me love fairy tail. i think it is a beautiful story of love and magic and adventures and family.

[ghostpebble]

i love when everyone in a community collectively agrees that something that hadnt really affected a character in canon too much is actually a source to write ptsd in fanon