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bumblebeehug · 7 months ago

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Big Spoon, Little Spoon

Summary: No one in the guild would normally clock Lucy as the affectionate one, but Natsu has since long known the truth. Notes: (At the end bc I'm going on a LONG grateful rant and you can't stop me) Ao3 - FF.net

***

With Natsu Dragneel, physical contact was inevitable. The fire wizard craved other people’s presence like a magnet - when he fought his fists spoke for this craving, and when he didn’t fight he had two people who could satisfy his needs. The first one was Happy of course. They hung around 24/7, either by Natsu carrying him around in his arms, or by Happy sitting on his head or his shoulders. Then Lucy entered the picture - the weird, kind of spoiled girl who sought adventure despite being new to the big wizarding world. When Natsu met her he didn’t know if they would click - she was a complete chatterbox, and a clueless one at that, since she talked for almost an hour about how great the Fairy Tail guild was - and she wasn’t even aware that she was having lunch with one of their wizards! Well, at least he knew she cared for his guild, so when he accidentally met her on that party boat a few hours later, he knew there was no need to doubt his decision of inviting her to join Fairy Tail. She would fit in just fine with her weirdness.

Natsu found that he enjoyed being around her a lot more than the other people in the guild. He despised hanging out with Gray, Erza gave him chills and Elfman was all brawn, no brain, which was fine except he couldn’t joke around with him. He could honestly go on - Loke was annoying and smelled weird, Cana had more alcohol than blood in her body, Levy was boring with her books and righteous ways, and besides, she had Jet and Droy around her all the time, and those guys were wimps. He loved them all more than anything, but he couldn’t hang out with them the way he did with Happy, and had done with Lisanna back in the day. Lucy became a breath of fresh air compared to everyone else. She was inexperienced and odd, but she joked around with him in a way that he really had missed. That, and her reactions to his pranks were actually hilarious.

It wouldn’t be a big surprise if Lucy had decided to leave Natsu after joining Fairy Tail, to hang out with other people. After all, even Natsu knew he could be a handful to deal with. But in the end she stayed with him. He learned fascinating things about her - how her spirits worked, that she never broke promises (convenient for his first job actually, but an admiring trait to have even without considering his own benefits), that she was smarter than her looks let on and that she had a happy spirit. What he hadn’t expected to learn was how much she loved physical contact. Natsu knew he expressed love through meaningful touches, but Lucy had never been the one to initiate any of it – at least not if she was facing him.

The first time she had done it, he almost jumped in surprise. They hadn’t known each other for more than a couple of months, but Natsu had managed to find an unparalleled satisfaction under Lucy’s covers. He had slipped into her bed, not for the first time, and definitely not for the last, when she hugged him from behind. Her breathing hadn’t changed: she hadn’t woken up. Still, she must have noticed Natsu’s familiar heat, because she approached him like she’d been expecting him. Natsu didn’t know how to act. It was like his muscles had been switched out with concrete: he had tensed up and wouldn’t move a single millimetre, like the slightest movement would scare her away.

It was only when he realised he’d been holding his breath that he allowed himself to move. A shaky puff out, and then a shakier breath in. But despite Lucy’s arms feeling his movement from being wrapped around him, she didn’t budge. If anything she’d nuzzled closer, pressing her cheek against his neck, wrapping her legs around his as she molded herself to his stale figure.

He hadn’t slept very well that night. He considered it weird after all, that the girl who spent so much time denying all signs of enjoyment connected to physical affection, would be the one to initiate a cuddling session like that. He supposed that was around the same time he really leaned into her nickname: “Weirdo”. It was oddly accurate, it turned out.

Time didn’t fix this conundrum: in fact, it made it worse. Or, intense, was a better descriptor. Natsu still refused to cease his night time activities in her bed though. It almost became a game, a silent, unconscious sparring match, where they fought over the right to be the big spoon. Natsu usually won at dawn, but as soon as the sun started to rise and Natsu flickered awake for a split second, he found himself held by the blonde. Fondly she’d cuddle closer as Natsu stirred, seemingly not aware at all of her actions.

However, every morning he’d wake up a little bit colder. Lucy would be awake already, humming to herself in the shower or cooking breakfast, or she’d sleep in with her back turned. Natsu suspected she knew how the two of them slept at night – there was no other explanation as to why he never woke up in her embrace.

What he didn’t know was how right he was. Lucy was insanely aware of her bad sleeping habits, more than once drenching herself with cold water in the shower to get rid of her blushing. She could do many embarrassing things, but something like this? It felt vulnerable to show that side of her. It alluded to her not-so-pleasant past, which wasn’t something she was quite comfortable showing yet. After all, Natsu didn’t even know her last name yet: none of the guildmates did, her past was something she’d left behind.

As time went on, truths revealed themselves, and secrets spilled, Lucy realised that she didn’t need to feel ashamed of this need for physical contact. Natsu had never seemed to mind after all, repeatedly showing up, night after night, to roll around in the sheets with her. She would never allow herself to show this side to anyone other than him or Happy: not even Erza could know this secret, and she was her best friend. No, what happened at night was between her and her boys. Natsu had never slipped up about their activities either, so she let it stay uncovered as long as it needed to. Lucy clinging on to Natsu like a lifeline, as dreams shook her around, just didn’t need to be brought up in a day to day situation.

Natsu didn’t know Lucy’s view on their sleeping habits. He only knew that time was in his favour when it came to this thing: the longer they’d known each other, and with more frequent sleepovers, Lucy seemed to gain courage in her awake affection as well as her unconscious one. Now she didn’t avoid him when Natsu brought his arm around her, nor did she shy away from coming up from behind with a back-hug-sneak-attack. She’d even stand beside him at the bar, mindlessly take his hand and start fidgeting with its rough crevices, removing dirt from under his fingernails and even going as far as rubbing in hand cream, like it was her own hand.

He liked this side of her. It felt like she allowed herself to claim him as hers, as much as he enjoyed claiming her as his. Every time she approached him, he felt validated: like their friendship was just as important to her as it was to him. Naturally he’d feel like that anyways, he knew how much she appreciated him, but it was somehow different when it came to physical contact. Maybe that’s the way he understood affection best: getting his feelings reciprocated was truly unparalleled.

__________

Tonight Natsu’s feet once again took him to her apartment. Happy was flying a bit in front of him, practically asleep – they hadn’t planned to take so long, but before they knew it the sun had set, and Lucy was probably done waiting for them. Their initial plan was to meet up after dinner: normally they’d eat it together, but Lucy had been coerced by Erza to have a “practice dinner” before a special day that she wouldn’t give them any details on. It wasn’t like details were needed though: Erza being sneaky only ever meant one thing – even Natsu knew that much.

So it was fair to say he was tired when he reached the pink brick building. Gazing up to the second floor, he envied Happy who could just fly up with ease. Still, sleeping with Lucy had never been a question of if he should, but when. He carefully stretched his neck, slapping his cheeks twice, before climbing up. The route was etched into his brain like second nature: he knew exactly which brick to grab or step on, and he knew which ones to avoid if it had been raining. Luckily, Lucy’s window was always left cracked open, making it possible for him to slide up the bottom panel and worm himself in.

The landing that had once been clumsy, waking Lucy up by landing straight onto her, was now a lot smoother. Not only did practice make Natsu more agile, but Lucy had also made it a habit to sleep closer to the window, making Natsu land beside her instead of on her. Happy had already curled up to a ball by Lucy’s feet. He’d eventually make his way up to sleep closer to his friends’ heads, but from years of experience he knew that it would take a while for them to settle down.

As Natsu quickly undressed by the edge of her bed, leaving his day clothes haphazardly on the floor, Lucy stirred under the duvet. Natsu longed to join her in her nest of pillows and soft, clean blankets, but first he reluctantly made his way to the bathroom.

He winced at the loud clicks the bathroom door made when he closed it, not sure if it was his worry of waking Lucy or his own hearing that was most bothered. Either way he hurried to do his business. After flushing and washing his hands in much too cold water, he took a quick second to look in the mirror.

Looking back was a pretty grown up man, looking like he’d forgotten to shave one day too many. Underneath the stubble were scars – some prominent, ones that he’d gotten long before Wendy joined Fairy Tail, and others less obvious, only faint shadows remaining. Not even her magic could make the skin look completely like new again, but he was thankful that it helped as much as it did. Some of these scars were less pleasant memories, like the one on his cheek that he associated with Zeref.

His shoulders had gotten quite big over the years. When he’d first met Lucy, he considered himself scrawny. With time and with experience they’d grown stronger, and he found himself thinking that he resembled Gildarts more and more. He shivered. He really needed to shave in the morning, or he’d end up looking exactly like that old fart. With his shoulders slumped over the sink he ruffled around his hair with some water, rubbing away the tensions of the day from the scalp. It was about time he cut that hair again. A mental note to ask Lucy to bring out Cancer was put in the back of his head.

Quickly he grabbed his toothbrush from the shared toothbrush cup and generously smeared on toothpaste. He was about to brush with his normal force, but stopped himself as he heard Lucy’s voice echo in his brain.

“You’re gonna give yourself receding gums if you keep that up!”

He let out a sigh before lightening his grip. She really nagged him about the smallest things. It was either how he brushed his teeth, or how he procrastinated doing the dishes, or she’d complain over a rag or two missing the laundry basket when he and Happy tried to get them in from across the living room.

But he didn’t dislike those complaints. In fact, he was actually a bit fond of them. It was yet another reminder that Lucy considered Natsu and Happy family members in her home: she worried and complained, but she never threw them out anymore. She had been the one to give Natsu a permanent toothbrush in her bathroom, and she’d been the one who hung up three hand towels instead of one, all under their respective names. She was the one who cooked most of their food, and she gladly made some space in her wardrobe to fit in some clothes for Natsu, so he wouldn’t have to wear the same dirty outfit each day.

Reflecting on it made him smile, resulting in spilling out some toothpaste and drool on his chest. He grabbed the towel that hung under his nameplate and dried himself. Yeah, she was probably wise to assign separate hand towels to the three of them: he had to give her credit for that.

Finally finished in the bathroom he hurried over back to where Lucy was laying, curled up, lightly snoring. Had anyone else been making that sound he’d probably want to punch their heads in, but when Lucy did it? Natsu melted in the delightful ambiance.

As soon as he crawled in under the covers, Lucy seemed to stir awake. Mission unsuccessful, but at least he got a chance to talk to her.

“You’re late,” she mumbled, voice raspy from just waking up.

“We lost track of time. Sorry.” Natsu whispered, shamelessly placing his head on her pillow.

“It’s okay… Erza held me back too.” She rubbed her eyes from sleepy crust before taking a good look at Natsu. “Your hair’s getting long.”

She brought her hand to his head, combing it from his temples and back. Natsu shivered at the sensation of nails running against his scalp.

“Yeah, I was thinking of having Cancer cut it in the morning.”

“You should try growing it out again. You look good with longer hair.”

He almost blushed as a smirk entered his lips. She could be uncharacteristically bold at night.

“Look good, huh?”

She lightly flicked his forehead before returning to combing through his hair.

“Don’t get cocky.”

Natsu felt a snicker bubble up his throat.

“Wait, I’m sorry, I’m seriously considering it here,” he defended himself. Lucy softened her grip on his hair.

“Good.” Her teasing expression had once again turned soft.

For a couple of minutes they let the silence settle. Natsu grabbed Lucy into his embrace by pulling her in by her waist, allowing Lucy to continue playing with his hair. He felt like he was living in bliss, breathing her air, feeling her light fingertips tuck hair behind his ear with a softness that resembled sunbeams kissing his skin a warm early spring. What the two of them had during the night, in between chaotic missions and stressful adventures, was something completely otherworldly.

“Hey, Natsu.”

Her soft whisper breathed life in the tranquil atmosphere.

“Yeah?”

His eyes fluttered open, meeting hers. She seemed to be thinking fondly about something, her pupils big and eyelids molding as her mouth formed a relaxed smile. Just seeing her made the corners of Natsu’s mouth pull upwards.

“Can you turn around?”

Suddenly her voice had gone from pleasantly sweet to sickly sweet, as Natsu realised what she was asking of him. He felt his expression go from calm to troubled.

“No…” he tried, whining a little to see if she could possibly be the small spoon tonight.

“Please…” Her big doe eyes sparkled at him. This wasn’t fair. How dare she use those gorgeous brown eyes against him. He tried to hold his ground, holding her firmer by the waist so she wouldn’t flip him over when he least expected. It wouldn’t be the first time, after all.

“I…” He quickly shut his eyes and turned his face away. “No, not today.”

“Come on…” She squirmed a little in his grip, trying to come up with something to coerce him. “What if…” her face grew rapidly red. “Well… how about we make a deal.”

Natsu perked up again, curious about what she was offering.

“Okay… What’s in it for me?” He had turned back to face Lucy, but this time she’d been the one to avoid looking at him. Even in the dark he could see that she was blushing.

“I’ll… Give you a kiss,” she finally said, carefully looking back at Natsu to see if she could read his reaction. It was… smaller than she’d expected.

Truth was, Natsu wasn’t sure if he’d heard her right. Had she really said kiss? Even he was aware of the implications of that: She was asking for permission for them to become something more.

“A kiss? On the lips?” He asked, trying to clarify. It would be terribly embarrassing if he’d misinterpreted her.

“W-well we don’t have to if you don’t want to! I’ll come up with something els-”

“Ten.” Natsu interrupted her.

“Ten?”

“Ten kisses. In exchange for being the little spoon,” he explained, making an ugly face while describing what he was offering. Lucy frowned.

“It can’t be the equivalent of ten kisses,” she tried to argue, but Natsu stood firm in his offer.

“I think it’s reasonable. I can start by giving you the first, but you gotta give the rest.” By now he felt sort of determined, like he had to get those kisses no matter what. She couldn’t exactly go back on her word: she was the one that had offered the kiss in the first place.

“W-wait, Natsu!” She squealed a little as he grabbed her face in both of his hands, squishing her cheeks together until she looked like a fish.

“Ya’ ready?”

Before he could lean in she shook out of his grip.

“Stop! Fine! I’ll do it! Just, give me a moment to brace myself…” Lucy demanded, now changing her position from lying down beside him to sitting up, legs in a criss cross. Natsu mimicked her position to make things easier for her. Though, truth be told: he was getting a little impatient. As soon as she had offered a kiss to compromise his usual sleeping position, he’d started craving those lips against his. They always looked so soft, so supple, like they’d break if they were sucked too hard.

When Lucy finally composed herself, she looked at him with fierce determination in her eyes. She scooted a little closer, making their knees touch. It still didn’t feel like they were close enough. A distance that was so easily closed normally, now felt like miles. First she grabbed his arms, firmly. Not quite satisfied with the feeling of that, she tried placing them on his shoulders.

Problem was: no matter where she placed her hands, it didn’t feel like Natsu was getting any closer. He was always an arm length away. This frustrated her.

“Could you…” she tried to find the right words, “help me? A little?”

“Yeah, of course, sure, what do you… want me to do?”

Yet again there was a shift in atmosphere. Flailing arms and nervous chuckles made him realise that this was happening. He was going to kiss Lucy. Or more accurately: she was going to kiss him. Part of him wanted to just screw any rules about technicality, grab her and kiss her until twilight. Another part of him knew that nothing would compare to what Lucy was setting him up for right now. He really, really wanted to find out what she had in store: what kind of kisses she’d give, if she preferred leaning to the left or to the right to avoid their noses crashing, and how it would feel to be kissed, instead of the kisser.

“Would you just…” Lucy was still caught up in how they were going to sit and do this. “Maybe we should stand-”

“No.”

“Yeah no. If you lean forward a bit? Maybe?”

Natsu toppled his torso forward, closing in the space a bit. It didn’t seem like Lucy was satisfied though, even if their noses were close enough to touch.

“No, my back hurts like this.” She changed her sitting position a couple of times, moving around so much that Happy was starting to stir awake. Natsu had enough.

“Shh,” he whispered, nodding slightly towards the sleeping exceed. His expression was probably hard to read – he didn’t quite understand his emotions himself, but it was a confusing mixture of impatience, eagerness, and something deeper that had been tinting the entire evening. Could it be what people called love?

He pulled roughly on her arm until she sat in a straddle over his groin. She better not sit down here, he managed to realise, which luckily for him, she didn’t. Instead she blushed from the crown of her head, all the way down to her shoulders. It seemed like reality was starting to hit her too. Except this time, she didn’t back down. Her back wasn’t hurting, she wouldn’t have to do any weird maneuvers to get both her lips to meet his.

She straightened herself up, trying to ignore the burning feeling of Natsu’s hands against the dip of her waist, and combed back his hair from right above his ears and back to his neck, mirroring what she’d done earlier this night. As her hands met at the crook of his neck, she carefully braided her fingers together, leaving her thumbs right behind his ears. Getting a good look at him, he’d really grown up to become handsome. The boy she’d met in Hargeon such a long time ago was only a fraction of the man in front of her. His jaw was more chiseled, his eyes had matured, they reflected a certain light of wiseness that they hadn’t before. His chapped lips had gotten framed with slight smile lines – she liked to think she was the cause of their early appearance: he always seemed to smile around her after all. His chin had grown a stubbly, dark pink beard, and she almost wanted to giggle at the thought of him growing it out one day. A pink beard: could you imagine?

But the truth was: she was so in love. She still felt like the night was surreal, the dimmed light from the moon being the only lightsource in the room. Just a couple of hours ago they had been joking around like today was any other day, no clue that she’d be sitting here, straddling him, on her merry way to kiss him. And not just once.

Finally she pressed her lips against his. It was a soft, dry, fluttery peck that only left both of them wanting more.

“One,” she whispered as she pulled them apart for a split second. She only briefly met Natsu’s dark eyes as he looked up at her from under his eyelashes. He was quick to pull them together again, this time harder, with an urgency that he couldn’t quite explain. Her lips were so soft, even softer than they’d looked, and as they took half a second to breathe, he found himself wanting to taste them. So he did.

Lucy had just opened her mouth to jokingly say “two” when her teeth clacked against Natsu’s. Was that his tongue? The new sensation gave her goosebumps, in a very… good… way. Natsu slowly dragged his tongue against Lucy’s bottom lip, taking in everything that she tasted. It was warm, no, hot, and the taste itself was neither sweet, sour or salty, but rather a weird mix of everything and also… Nothing? The most he could identify was the faint taste of the toothpaste they used.

When Natsu’s tongue suddenly felt Lucy’s against it, it felt like he’d been shot by lightning, the shock creeping along his spine, raising every hair on his head. It was… amazing. A little messy, drool finding its way down both of their chins, but it was hot, sweaty and completely delightful. He felt himself grabbing her pillowy hips, pulling them closer to his own groin, before realising what he was doing and stopped himself in his tracks. Things didn’t need to go this fast: today he wanted to revel in the fact that he was kissing the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

Instead he gently lowered Lucy down on her pillow, making it so he could be on top. As a hair got stuck in their mouths, he gently pulled apart, a string of drool embarrassingly acting as proof that they’d just been connected. Her golden hair almost silvery in the faint moonlight, he realised she looked angelic. Her light eyelashes carefully fluttered as she opened her eyes, a small giggle escaping her mouth. It sounded like heaven.

“I’m counting that as number two and three.”

“What? Why!?”

He squinted at her. Was she trying to cheat him? To be honest, with her sweet expression, flushed cheeks and glittering doe eyes, he was about to let her.

“It was longer. And with tongue. And your beard scratched my chin.”

Natsu groaned.

“I knew I should have shaved…” he muttered under his breath before diving in for round four. Once again it started perfectly innocently, Lucy’s hands cupping Natsu’s cheeks as their, now warmed up lips molded against each other again. This time Natsu was quicker to ask for VIP-entrance though, running his tongue over her mouth once again in hopes that he’d get the chance to spar with it. When she played a little bit too hard to please, he repositioned himself over her, one leg between hers, letting his body weigh down slightly where their cores met. Seemingly it was a good move, because with a gasp he was allowed entrance.

Lucy thought that he played a little dirty, in more than one way. Did he even know the effects he had on her? That every time he touched her, she came undone? She teasingly sucked on his upper lip to punish him a little, not knowing it only edged him on. With his hands running across her torso, drawing little circles where her skin had gotten exposed, he deepened the kiss even further, their tongues now sparring like there was a prize to win. Lucy kept up with it for five whole minutes before she suddenly pushed them apart, swallowing hard.

“That’s four, five, six,” she panted, her hands keeping some distance between the two of them. His chiseled chest felt nice… No, focus.

“What?! No way, what did I do this time?”

“You drooled in my mouth!” Lucy had to whisper-shout it, as she remembered that they certainly weren’t alone in this bed.

“Ew! Did not!” There was no way he’d done something disgusting like that: kissing was a drool-involved activity! There was no need for her to get her panties in a twist.

“Yeah, you did? Wanna switch places and see how it feels?”

“You’re on!”

Swiftly they swapped their positions, Lucy being the one on top this time. She carefully positioned herself right above his groin, not to wake any monsters she couldn’t tame, and leaned forward, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Your turn,” she taunted, leaning into her seductive side before finally giving him a slight peck on his already open mouth. “Oh, and that’s seven.”

“Cheater,” Natsu muttered before cupping her face and leading her on to their eighth kiss. This time he understood why Lucy had counted as she had: not only was the actual kissing more intense from below (and also containing more saliva, he admitted), but the general power play made it feel unfair. All he could do from his position was grab her hips, butt, waist and upper-middle back to hold her closer, or play with her hair and touch her neck, like she’d done to him before.

Lucy, however, had all the cards on her table, tracing his bare torso, feeling the curves and crooks of his abs, sometimes using her nails to her advantage, sending goosebumps throughout his entire body. He’d reward her with a gentle squeeze wherever his hands were, or he’d deepen the kiss, gently biting her lip or feel the back of her teeth with his tongue.

Rather than learning how taxing it was to be the drool-bucket, it seemed like Natsu was only enjoying this experience. She wanted to teach him a little lesson, so she pulled the two of them apart again, this time to quickly reposition her mouth on his neck, right below his scar. And then she kissed him, and licked him, and she sucked and bit, Natsu’s panting by her ear only encouraging her.

Then she slowly rose up, a sly grin on her face.

“The hickey counts as number ten.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake…” Natsu breathed, too impressed to actually complain.

“Now!” Lucy’s eyes sparkled in excitement as she left her straddle. “A deal is a deal: get into position.”

Natsu sighed deeply before complying, rolling over to the side so his broad back was facing Lucy.

“I don’t get how you enjoy this,” he said, feeling Lucy hug herself into her place, body tightly pressed against his, her face landing in the crook of his neck. The place he knew from experience was the best smelling place on Lucy’s entire body – oh, how he wanted to switch places with her.

“Same reason you do, silly.” She wrapped her arms around him, locking them together by tightly hugging his stomach. Instead of complaining, he accepted his role as the little spoon, grabbing her hands and bringing them up to his face. Ten, small kisses, he gave her, one on each finger.

“I think I can stand it if i get paid in kisses again,” he joked, not realising that Lucy would push herself up one last time, land a wet kiss on the corner of his mouth, before laying down again.

“One on the house.”

__________

Happy felt his tail twitch in annoyance as he finally heard them settle down. Next time he’d tell them to wait until he’d fallen asleep at least.

__________ __________ __________

Oh wow, this year has flown by! I’ve started lots of WIPs and somehow only now had the energy to finish them (during exam season and all… Typical). There’s still a small surprise upcoming, so you haven’t yet seen the last of me this year lol.

I hope you’ll allow me to get a bit sentimental here in the notes…

This fic has been on the back burner since… 2023 I think… It’s inspired by Mitski and her song First Love/Late Spring, and back then I still didn’t know I’d get to see her perform live in Edinburgh. My trip there was my first solo flight, and soon after I went to Greece with just my friend. Then I started uni again! Pedagogy, which has been so much more fun than journalism was for me (it sucked out my creativity, hence why I didn’t post much earlier this year). In general this year’s been more good than bad, save perhaps when my beloved Mala passed in March, and when we thought my other baby, Findus, had an autoimmune disease. Findus turned out to be fine, that cuddly-bug will probably not leave in a very long time.

Oh but I’m getting off track. This fic is fic nr10 posted this year, and while looking over my history I’m realising that they’ve all been posted within 6 months… They’ve also been a lot more mixed genre-wise: I started with And Then They Were Two, an angsty fic written in memory of Mala. It was my first time portraying death: I didn’t know then it was just the start. Then I posted a fic where I tried making Natsu and Lucy fight (that was a tough one…), though at least it ended happily, lol. I also finished Nalu Week from 2023! Hike in Heels is one of my favourite fics up to date, I’m really happy with that one, and though I’m slightly less fond of Some of their own, I still enjoyed the fluff.

I also wrote my second more suggestive fic: I really hope my growth from Massage Misunderstanding to A Way Into Your Heart shows (though they’re not exactly comparable: one is a crack-fic after all). Unrequited Love was my first truly angsty fic. It was written with no solution in mind, during a time when I was experiencing my own unrequited love. It was very nice being able to use fic-writing as a creative outlet: and I also hope it somehow portrays how much of my own soul is poured into what I write. This is truly my passion.

Lastly I managed to pad my goriest, by far saddest, fic with a couple of fluffy ones: A homage to autumn (Home) and a gift to one of the greatest people I’ve met this year, Roxy.

I’m so insanely thankful to all of you who motivate me to continue to write! I seriously couldn’t have done this without all of you, I’m forever grateful. Writing is the one passion I’ve held on to since I could hold a pen: I’ll always treasure Ao3, ff.net and tumblr for being sites I’ve been able to rely on when it comes to meeting wonderful people, posting and reading fics.

So, for one of the last times in 2024: Thank you for reading my fic<3 See you all lots in 2025!

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selenekallanwriter · 7 months ago

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What writers say: I just finished my first draft!

What writers mean: I've re-written this cursed book 20 times. It's a mess, but The Muse has deserted me and Brain.exe has stopped working. I can't even look at it anymore. It's traumatizing me. I need cocoa and a pillow.

#writers on tumblr #writeblr #writing #creative writing #writing memes #writer problems #am writing #It's me I'm authors #big hero 6 #hiro hamada #we could be immortals #author memes

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dragon-toad · 10 months ago

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HOT TAKE : Makarov was a bad father (and a bad grandfather)

I'm expecting a big wave of hate with this one... BUT LET ME EXPLAIN

We can dive into the generational trauma theory : we know Yuri has been profoundly hurt by his wife's death (giving birth to Makarov) and this is a thing we should consider. In most cases, people live with the burden of the death of their partner until they die, which could have been Yuri's case. And the idea that somehow his wife died for his son... Well, angst potential.

Now : death of a loved one + wife who dies giving birth to his son = difficult father-son relationship

And even if Yuri didn't do it intentionally, there could have been a distance between the father and the son, and it has repercussions on the futur.

So yes, it maybe happened completely differently, but let's consider this hypothesis to understand what comes after :

Makarov was raised in the guild, where everybody is friendly. The only thing is his daddy issues. He ends up considering the guild more important, so the thing to cherish and protect at all cost.

Everything is fine.

Then, Ivan enters the game.

I know it's very fun to have an antagonist in the family of the master, the man presented as the most loving, a father for all the lost children, etc. BUT maybe we can go a little deeper.

We sometimes have this idea that some characters are born meaner than others, it allows us to ignore psychology and sociology, but it's not fun.

We can suppose Ivan was born in the guild, like Makarov and certainly Laxus. And as it's shown every single second that Fairy Tail is a very healthy environment, a "big family", so even if Ivan was a bit twisted, he would not have been so mean with his colleagues, provoking his exclusion, and he would have not tried to destroy the guild.

Unless he have daddy issues too. Let's consider : Makarov has a son and the mother is nowhere to be found. Doesn't it remind you of something ? But Makarov know his relationship with his father wasn't awesome, so he tries differently.

So two possibilities can be explored :

1- Ivan is a spoiled child. Being the master's son allows him to do reprehensible things and not be punished after, or not too much, and Makarov wants to give him all the freedom he didn't have. Until he almost kills another member of the guild. Then Makarov is forced to expel him. He takes away the thing that gave Ivan an almost unlimited power, and he doesn't like it. So if he can't have Fairy Tail, nobody will.

2- Makarov prefers the guild to his son. He doesn't know how to raise a kid, what if he screws like his father ? (Spoiler : he does) So when Precht makes him the new master, he puts all his soul into his job. But Ivan wants a father. So he does everything to make his father notice him, to make his father proud. It leads him to dark places, and thus, being strong = being good enough. Unfortunately, it doesn't work, because he ends up expelled. So, by pure rage, he decides to destroy the thing his father loved more than him. (It's my favorite version)

In both cases, Ivan manipulates his son into believing that being strong is the only way for him to be respected, to be seen.

Which leads us to the Laxus part (finally)

It's canon that Ivan pushed his son to be the strongest (to the point he put a lacrima in his body) so yeah, Laxus has daddy issues. But he has gampa issues too.

Let's continue with the theory we built on this post : Makarov doesn't really raise his son, why would he raise his grandson ?

But we see Makarov taking care of a very young Laxus. Thus, Laxus once loved his grandfather. Except Ivan didn't. So we can suppose he decided to keep his son under his control by manipulating him into thinking he has to be the strongest.

Then Ivan was banned.

The problem with an abusive relationship is that the victim thinks the abuser is on the right, which explains why Laxus was all but happy his father was expelled. But he stayed in Fairy Tail, because despite everything, Fairy Tail is his home. But this home is controlled by the man who banned his father (his abuser)

Laxus becomes a rank-S mage, which means he's the strongest. He has all the rights to make Fairy Tail his home, not Makarov's.

Well yes, but no.

Because there's Mirajane, a prodigy so fucking strong she becomes a rank-S mage too. But Lisanna dies, and suddenly everybody loves Mirajane. She even becomes the right arm of Makarov, because she's too weak now to create problems now.

And there's Natsu and Gray, Makarov's little boys. They're noisy, annoying, but they have potential. They have the potential to become stronger than Laxus. And Makarov loves them.

But more important, because there's Erza, who is so strong, so kind, so nice... Who is his grandfather's favorite. The same grandfather who did nothing when Ivan imprisoned Laxus into a psychological jail and who banned Ivan for somebody else's weakness. And Laxus knows it : she is the future master of Fairy Tail. She will steal his home and make it even weaker.

So he has to take Fairy Tail now, even if his grandfather dies in the process. Better, it will make things easier !

But in the end, Laxus loves Fairy Tail. He loves the guild enough to not betray everybody by joining his father's guild.

Laxus broke the cycle. And I don't think it was thanks to Makarov. If Laxus broke the cycle, it's because despite everything, he has weirdos to stick with. The Raijinshuu are a safe place for Laxus, they are strong enough to be his friends colleagues, they don't call him "psychotic" when he tells them he wants the guild, and more important, they care for him.

Laxus broke the cycle thanks to people who cared for him. They even wanted to follow him when he was banned ! But he said no, because he care for them and he knows they will be better in Fairy Tail.

Now, let's consider : travelling must have felt like therapy for Laxus : he's not part of Fairy Tail anymore and he's sure he will never have the possibility to come back, but he will not join his father because he doesn't want to put his friends in danger. So he has to do something by himself, not under the influence of his father. And I believe this emancipation was beneficial for him. He could learn what it means to be himself, not Ivan's son or Makarov's grandson.

I don't think he fully forgave Makarov for his inaction and for loving other more than him, and he's not completely out of Ivan's philosophy, those things need time, but he escaped the cycle.

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funishment-time · 2 months ago

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there's something so funny to me about the fact that Ryoko Otonashi snores. that means like canonically Junko probably snores. do you guys think someone heard her distantly snoring in DR1 but it was like Hifumi or Hiro saying it so no one believed them

#danganronpa #junko enoshima #ryoko otonashi #btw: always haunted a little by the fact very early on Hiro says he swears he hears “construction equipment” but everyone writes him off #then later we discover Junko was gunning down anyone trying to get close to the school

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matt0044 · 5 months ago

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How is it that Hiro Mashima’s female characters are well written despite being the poster children for the male gaze?

I recently found this video critique MHA's female cast: “Is My Hero Academia Sexist?”

Now Fairy Tail's babes are unapologetically bodacious and horny as hell but rarely are they ever sidelined. Even Erza when Natsu tapped in to fight Jellal was ultimately the one to end the Tower of Heaven arc with her might've-been sacrifice. The Phantom Lord arc only ends because Lucy went to have words with her father. Wendy channels the Dragon Slayers' powers into Natsu, something he couldn't do alone.

Hell, there's never just one fight for them and then it's all testoterone driving the main fights. Even Lucy's the one to save everyone when Tartaros traps everyone in the Alegria, overtaxing herself with a triple summoning along with giving the Celestial Spirit King a chance to get in on the action.

It's bizarre how so many clown on Fairy Tail for "doing Shonen wrong" yet the one thing so many other titles drop the ball on is where Fairy Tail shines through the smut. When this is where the bar is set, what excuse is there?

So yeah… Lucy was Ochaco done right before Ochaco. Hot takes. Get yer hot takes here.

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oceandiagonale · 11 months ago

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so turns out kamado made a complete 180 in the end and did a LOT of good (we knew he had it in him under those layers of really unhealthy coping mechanisms for his trauma! ✨✨✨)

#oceandi arts #generic protagonist #professor rowan #noodle the typhlosion #dia hiro #<--lol. gives him the name of the MC from an old DP nuzlocke I never ended up playing through/writing KFJSHDFKJHSD #so in canon now gene's mentees from sinnoh are named dia hiro and pearl e. arrivale... 'die a hero' and 'early arrival' FKSJDHFJDK

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nightcitysteve · 5 months ago

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"Maybe next time upgrade your alcohol tolerance, old man. You can't be seen with me carrying your ass home every time we do this."

- Ethan to Ivarr after a night out

Picture by me, edit and a certain Maelstrom mafkees by the amazing @dreamskug ❤️ Ethan's croptop is a soon to be released mod by @desertpirate77 🔥

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livingxxdeadxxb0y · 9 months ago

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"I need more monoshinkami fluff" (I say while daydreaming about Denki angst tweets where he's being ignored and Shinso and Monoma become his friends and help him realize that friendship isn't supposed to be one-sided and make him feel like he's not a burden)

#monoshinkami #mha #my hero academia #bnha #Boku no Hiro Akademia #monoma neito #mha monoma #bnha monoma #hitoshi shinsou #mha shinsou #mha denki #denki kaminari #bnha denki #angst #i luv them #denki angst #i might write this #because I can #maybe add a few oc as his friends

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bomber-grl · 7 months ago

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౨ৎ‧₊˚ ⋅ 1k Follower Celebration ! .°˖✧

-> ❤︎₊ ⊹ Thank you!

I just want to start off with thank you! I can’t even put into words the immense appreciation I feel for your continuous support and honor I feel whenever I’m complimented on my writing. I know I tend to have commitment issues and difficulties with completing reqs but the fact that you’re still here proves that I’m somewhat tolerable. (Lol) again, thank you so much for everything that amounted to this moment and I’ll never stop feeling grateful for the attention my hard work gets. I hope you enjoy this event, and if you have any suggestions for possible future ones then I’d be more than happy to hear them!

──── ୨ৎ ────

-> ❤︎₊ ⊹ Request requirements

When requesting all you need to do is include the trope you would like to be written, the character, the reader’s gender (e.g. Gn!), and preferably your expectations with the writing. If you’d like me to take creative liberties, then I’d be glad to do so!

NO Nsfw

-> ❤︎₊ ⊹ Character Writing List!

Click Here To View!

-> ❤︎₊ ⊹ Trope Prompt List!

Note: If there are any tropes you’d like me to write that aren’t here, please say what trope it is and explain it.

- Extra! Multiple tropes per fic are permitted, only if they’re applicable and don’t contradict one another, as well as if the requester explains how they’d like them to be applied (if more complex)

1. Enemies to Lovers

(Two characters start out as enemies or rivals but slowly develop romantic feelings for each other over time.)

2. Friends to Lovers

(Characters who have been friends for a long time eventually realize their romantic feelings for each other.)

3. Fake Relationship

(Two characters pretend to be in a romantic relationship for various reasons, only to find themselves falling for each other for real.)

4. Soulmates

(Two characters are destined to be together, often with a mystical or supernatural bond that cannot be broken.)

5. Opposites Attract

(Two characters with contrasting personalities or lifestyles are drawn to each other despite their differences.)

6. Slow Burn

(The romantic tension between two characters builds up gradually over time, often without them acting on it immediately.)

7. Billionaire/Wealthy Love Interest

(One character is incredibly rich and often powerful, while the other might be a commoner or an underdog.)

8. Love Triangle

(A character is torn between two potential love interests, leading to tension, drama, and often a difficult decision.)

9. Second Chance Romance

(Two characters who have previously been in a relationship get another chance to be together after some time apart.)

10. Hurt/Comfort

(One character is emotionally or physically hurt, and another character comforts them, leading to a closer bond.)

11. Amnesia

(A character loses their memory and must rediscover relationships, often leading to romantic confusion or misunderstandings.)

12. Time Travel

(A character is sent back or forward in time, leading to alternate timelines, paradoxes, and often romantic twists.)

13. Alternate Universe (AU)

(A story where the characters are placed in a different universe or reality, often leading to drastic changes in their personalities, relationships, or world dynamics.)

14. Royalty/Forbidden Love

(A character is involved in a relationship with someone deemed inappropriate due to their social status, often leading to secretive or dangerous liaisons.)

15. Revenge

(A character seeks revenge, either as a primary motivation or as a subplot that drives their actions.)

16. Bad Boy/Girl x Good Boy/Girl

(A rebellious or “dangerous” character falls in love with someone who is more wholesome or law-abiding.)

17. Arranged Marriage

(Two characters are forced into a marriage or partnership for political, social, or familial reasons, but over time they grow closer.)

18. Unrequited Love

(Unrequited love is one-sided romantic affection, not returned by the other person.)

19. Reincarnation

(Characters are reincarnated into new lives, often with memories of their past lives or relationships.)

20. Rags to Riches

(A character starts out poor or oppressed and eventually rises to wealth, power, or status, sometimes with a romantic subplot.)

21. Childhood Friends to Lovers

(Two characters who grew up together eventually realize their romantic feelings for one another as adults.)

22. Secret Identity

(A character hides their true identity (hero, royal, rich, etc.) from the other characters, leading to tension, humor, and eventual revelation.)

23. Bodyguard x Client

(A bodyguard falls in love with the person they’re protecting, often leading to intense drama and a danger-filled romance.)

24. Secret Admirer

(A character anonymously admires another, often leading to confusion, misunderstandings, or the eventual reveal.)

25. Supernatural/Paranormal Romance

(A character falls in love with a supernatural being (vampire, werewolf, ghost, etc.), leading to forbidden love and danger.)

26. Love at First Sight

(Two characters instantly fall in love upon meeting, often leading to a whirlwind romance with challenges to overcome.)

27. Falling for the Villain

(A character develops feelings for the antagonist, complicating the typical good-vs-evil dynamic.)

28. Tragic Romance

(A romance with a tragic or bittersweet ending, where love is unrequited or one character dies or sacrifices themselves.)

29. Insta-Love

(Two characters fall in love extremely quickly, sometimes without much buildup, often a point of tension or humor.)

30. Kiss of Death

(A kiss, typically from a villain or cursed character, has a fatal or dangerous consequence for the person kissed.)

31. Angst

(A story characterized by emotional conflict, often involving pain, sorrow, or inner turmoil among characters, usually leading to growth or resolution.)

32. Secret Relationship

(Two characters are in a relationship but must keep it hidden from others, often leading to tension and secretive behavior.)

33. Identity Swap

(Two characters switch places (either physically or metaphorically), leading to comedic or dramatic moments and a deeper understanding of each other.)

34. Love After Loss

(A character falls in love again after the death or departure of a previous lover, often dealing with grief and healing.)

35. Betrayal

(A character is betrayed by someone they trust, leading to emotional fallout, revenge, or character growth.)

36. Damsel in Distress

(A character (often female) is put in a vulnerable or helpless situation, where a hero rescues them, typically leading to a romantic bond.)

37. Beauty in the Beast

(A twist on the classic "Beauty and the Beast" where the "beast" is a misunderstood character or situation.)

38. Forced Proximity

(Don’t feel like giving description)

39. Only one bed

(Don’t feel like giving description)

+ Any More You Want To Request (see Request Requirements for more info)

—

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bruciemilf · 8 months ago

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I think the bnha verse needs a laid back, cool, ‘he’s really the scariest fucker on the planet but he just doesn’t realize it’ mf.

makes sense he’d have the bakusquad on lock

love making OC fanart!! Would love to actually construct a proper plot sometime

#I gifted my iPad to my cousin and I’m waiting for a new one :) also I do have a 24 hour power outage SO #but as soon as that’s over I’m gonna be writing bbyyy #his name is hiro and he’s Deadpool :) (power wise at least)#Bakugou hates him. he also needs to know his dating skills.#also I have beef with kirishima’s barber.#kirishima eijirou #bakugou katsuki #denki kaminari #bnha #bnha fanart #bnha oc

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bumblebeehug · 3 months ago

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Letters

Summary: Natsu and Lucy have just reunited the guild, and now they all prepare for what's to come. While this is done, Lucy takes a short solo mission as she gets used to her old rhythm, leaving Natsu alone in Magnolia. As he paces her apartment on Strawberry Street, he comes across a box of unsigned envelopes, containing cryptic letters. Notes: (At the end) Ao3 - FF.net

***

Natsu wasn’t all that surprised when the first mission Lucy took since the guild fully reunited was a solo job. He felt left out, sure, but he knew he had no say in the thing. He had missed her tremendously, and these days he found himself wanting to soak up her presence like a parched plant longing for water. He wanted all of her, all of the time. But their dynamic had undeniably changed.

Everyone in the guild held stilted conversations, threading topics carefully, as no one wanted to step on a landmine. It was no different for Natsu and Lucy. They could talk about Lucy moving her things back in her old apartment, and they could talk about the deep clean Natsu’s cottage needed, but they could only keep to the surface. If any of them even dared to mention why Lucy had lived in Crocus to begin with, or why a thick layer of dust intoxicated the air in Natsu’s house, they would without a doubt start throwing accusations and angry impeachments at each other.

Natsu knew he was seen as the bad guy by Lucy. Probably by the rest of the guild too, but they didn’t get a say in it — how could they leave Lucy alone, all by herself, when no one could even get a hold on Natsu? The disbandment still felt fresh for him, as he only learned about it recently, so his disappointment in the abandonment of his partner weighed extra heavy on his chest. But he didn’t regret leaving for a year of training. The bandage on his arm strained as he worked his muscles, reminding him that it hadn’t been without reason. Of course it hadn’t — strength was the most important thing he could possess at this moment in time.

No, he didn’t regret his year away, but he knew he had betrayed Lucy. He had missed her every day, but he never made an effort to reach out again, because he knew that the second he allowed himself to feel homesick he’d run back to Lucy without a second thought. Even Happy knew — none of them mentioned her much; the guilt weighed too heavy. He wondered how he could feel so content in his choice of action, while also deeply regretting it at the same time. How could anyone know what was right when something felt so complex?

While Lucy was away at this mission — one that would only last a couple of days at most, she had promised him — Natsu couldn’t stop himself from breaking into her apartment on Strawberry Street. He needed something to remind her that she wasn’t going anywhere. If that something had to be staring at the milk in her fridge, a reminder that she was coming back, then so be it. But as he looked at the number of cardboard boxes in her living room, all filled with things that were meant to be on display on a shelf, or in closets waiting to be used in rotation as the season changed from summer to autumn, he noticed a cold, snowballing sensation in his chest.

It had already gotten dark out, and few lamps were plugged in so Natsu didn’t bother turning any on. The wallpaper wasn’t that warm, peachy pink anymore. Well, it technically was, but it all looked grey, dull, and it smelled dusty. He came here to ease the worries in his mind, but really, it seemed like the apartment was having opposite effects. Nothing was right. It didn’t smell like Lucy’s home — not one scented candle had been lit in almost a year, no meticulous scrubbing of the hardwood floor with that apple-scented dish soap had been done, the bathroom lacked that smell of her shampoo, fabric softener from her towels, and the minty toothpaste that Natsu hadn’t washed away in the sink after he’d brushed his teeth before illicitly spending the night.

Never had the scent of neutral stung so badly in Natsu’s nostrils. He hated it. He let his fingers drag across the fireplace. Dust, dust, more dust. That fireplace had been cold for so long, and it was his fault. He strained his brain trying to get himself to remember that he didn’t actually do anything wrong. He didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t like he had mated with Lucy; he was allowed to make his own life choices. That didn’t mean the sour sensation in his stomach lessened though.

With a heavy sigh, he sacked down into Lucy’s couch. Before long his leg started shaking, and he had to stand up again and pace around the room before it drove him mad. Did she hate him for leaving? He knew she wasn’t happy about it, but did the frustration root so deeply that it couldn’t be saved? Was that what she was doing now; taking her distance before Natsu fell into a normal daily rhythm with her again?

When his foot knocked over a stack of cardboard boxes he swore under his breath.

“Shit,” he mumbled, dropping down on his knees to scoop up the content. Stacks of paper had spread across the floor, and curiosity won before a battle against the thought of him respecting her privacy had even begun.

Letters.

What he had bunched together was letters. Sealed, but not signed. Could it be letters to her mother? Perhaps she had started writing them to her father too, now that he had died. Natsu felt like he shouldn’t intrude, but his hands moved on his own, warming the glue that held down the flap. If it was too private he could put it back without her noticing.

For some reason, his hands shook when he unfolded the paper.

February 17th. Take nothing for granted.

He turned over the paper twice. That was all it said. Nothing about who it was for, no context. Something felt wrong, compelling him to open another letter. He accidentally ripped a part of the envelope, but his heart raced too much to care. What had happened while he was gone? This was almost 7 months after he had left to train. Seven. Why was it always seven?

February 17th. I don’t count the days anymore, but yes, I often think about you. I have thought of a million things to tell you, but when I hold the pen in my hand, I can’t remember what they were. Do you think about me?

Natsu read the page over and over. Another letter that echoed a mostly empty page, practically blinding him despite the dim light. At least his legs had stopped shaking and itching. Now it was his brain that was working overtime, filling up with questions faster than he could even register them enough to begin to answer them. He saw that the letter had been written the same day though. Was it possible that this was the date Natsu had left, only seven months later? He couldn’t remember. Why had she taken time to seal two letters on the same day? And such short ones — did they carry so much emotional weight that she couldn’t continue writing on the same paper before she banned her writing to paper-thin concealment?

He ripped the next one open, no longer caring about hiding any traces of him invading her privacy.

February 17th. I wrote endless letters to you in my mind. It consumes me, so today I pour my heart out. Tomorrow I will wear my nice shirt and no one will see how you have infiltrated my brain, but today the ink will flow. I love you madly and miss you madly.

Natsu’s heart raced.

“I love you madly…” he repeated in a soft whisper, barely hearing himself over the blood rushing around in his body. Now, realistically, the letters could have been to anyone. Nothing in written text indicated that it was words specifically aimed towards Natsu — still, for once in his life he felt like he finally understood what that ‘reading between the line’s business was all about. He knew Lucy. He knew her a year ago, he knew her today, he would know her in a hundred years. If he one day layed with dementia on a bed in a sterile room, he would always know one thing: Her. Always, always her.

And that meant that he understood that this was about him. No name-dropping needed. He read the letters again, rearranged them in his hands. Which had she written first? Surely they weren’t written in the order he had read them. But perhaps it didn’t matter. Though, the first letter was undeniably the one that unsettled him the most. “Take nothing for granted”, sure, he could understand that on a personal level — but what was it Lucy couldn’t take for granted? Natsu? It would have made sense, but something told him that it wasn’t the only thing on her mind as she wrote it.

Maybe another letter would tell him the answer? He rummaged the blank envelopes, not sure where to pick from now that they all had mixed together. He grabbed a handful and ripped the top one open.

February 25th. You lost your way. I think I did too. It’s not terribly scary — I just wish we were lost together. How are you? Can I gather courage to contact you? I have paced the post office, clutched these papers until they wrinkle. The workers tried comforting me, and I left mid-sentence. I ran. But there is nothing else I can do; I have gradually lost sight of all other human beings, can only see you, and you are so distressed.

This solidified his theory of the letters being dedicated to him. She understood him, she always did — she knew what Igneel had meant to him, and she saw his reasoning as real and grounded. Kind, warm Lucy Heartfilia. He wanted to be comforted by her acknowledgement, but her grace brought just as much guilt as relief. If Natsu had stayed, he would have harmed himself — by leaving, he harmed Lucy. He swallowed hard.

When he turned the page over, he saw that it, to his surprise, wasn’t empty. It continued, as a separate entry.

February 26th. Better consciousness of myself. The beating of my heart more as I would wish it.

That was all. Natsu didn’t need to open more letters to know that this was her last entry. He wondered what she had thought about that week. 17th to 26th. It must have been tough on her. She had carried the entire guild on her shoulders, been so close to them, yet so far — his mind threw him back a couple of days, to when he saw her wall of maps and records of the guild’s whereabouts. All of that, and somehow there were only letters to Natsu.

“The beating of my heart more as I would wish it.” She must have been referencing how her heart had been breaking; perhaps racing in momentary panic, or slowing down, matching the snail-like ticking of her clock. Time passed too slowly when she was all alone. Natsu remembered his own experience with sorrow. Even during his year away he found his bones aching and moaning, waiting for the months to pass.

He leaned back on the still too dusty floor and let himself reflect on the letters again. February. The greyest, coldest month. Memories of colourful leaves on the trees and Christmas cheer, far, far away — and spring and all the signs of new life spring would bring, feeling unattainable. Did Natsu’s absence echo too loudly when his fire was too long gone for her to remember the sensation of it? Had she dried her hair after going home in a rainstorm and wondered where her happy days had gone? He didn’t know many details about her past, but the grey ceiling he looked up at must have been just as oppressing in the Heartfilia mansion. Empty from life, empty from death — Jude locked in his office, Layla six feet under cold wet mud. Servants would move in the shadows, and Lucy would gaze across the monochrome rooms. A fireplace in every room — none lit in years, maybe eons for all she knew.

Guilt. How could he make up for taking part in yet another abandonment in her life? He knew how soul-sucking getting deserted was, having lived it. He pocketed the letters he had opened and put away the mess as he thought about it. He had already brought the guild back for her, made them reunite so he could make her joyous smile return to her face. He had used his actions to convey that he had come back to stay — but maybe that was exactly it;

A vow.

He would vow to never let her walk lonely, never let her fight alone. He swore he would do everything in his power to let her apartment stay alive, the fireplace always lit, far from the reminders of an empty konzern from her past. Her tummy would always be full, her mind always creative, her memories full of adventures, and her heart would always be filled with hope and belief that she would experience many future ones. And he vowed to protect her, if he so had to die doing it. She loved him madly, and madly he loved her back.

He stood up and stretched, chest feeling lighter as he took a deep breath in. Glanced around the room again. It still gave him the creeps how little Lucy it felt, despite containing pretty much all her belongings, but at least now he could look past the suffocating atmosphere. He was going to beat Zeref, take down Acnologia, and create a world where Lucy could unapologetically live.

The letters crinkled in his pants as he hunched to get through the window. She had left it unlocked, despite only recently having moved back in. As long as she cracked that window for him, he would always make sure she knew he was there to take care of her. Her secret sign that she wanted him there. She accepted his presence, even after betrayal and being left behind. He was thankful.

The air was cool against his skin, despite it being mid-July. Somewhere flowers were blooming, filling the night with an intoxicating, calming perfume. He made a mental note to ask her which one.

Oh, and one more vow; to never write her another note. He would never let her relive this year; no more departures, no more abandonment. From now on he would always face her. That was his promise.

__________

Here's the original quotes I included in this fic: “February 25-26. But there is nothing else I can do; I have gradually lost sight of all other human beings, can only see you, and you are so distressed” — Letters to Felice by Franz Kafka “February 26. Better consciousness of myself. The beating of my heart more as I would wish it.” — The Diaries of Franz Kafka “February 17th. Take nothing for granted.” — Anne Sexton “17 February. Yes, I often think of you,” & “I have thought of a million things to tell you.” — The Letters of Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf “February 16-17. I wrote endless letters to you in my mind.” — Letters to Felice by Franz Kafka “February 17. I love you madly and miss you madly.” — Letters to Véra by Vladimir Nabokov

#fairy tail #lucy heartfilia #natsu dragneel #nalu #fairy tail nalu #hiro mashima #nalu fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #nalu fanfiction #fairy tail fanfic #fairy tail fanfiction #bumblebeehug writes #minor angst #but mostly yearning imo

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