#hingry

[polyamquackity]

Guys what do I eat for dinner waughj

[mori-sempai]

I’m that idiot who decided not to eat before going to the dentist and now my mouth is numb 😔

[girlboygilliontidestrider]

“if next time i see you, youre not you…”

TW:MINOR MOUTH BUG GORE, SEMI VORE?

“I love you man”

[gootube]

my limbus company fanarts

Permanent marker on cardboard, 2023

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

okay, fuck it. let's talk about remorse. more specifically, the lack of it

there was a post going around a while ago that claimed that izaya couldn't possibly have aspd, because he feels remorse, and its simply so subtle that it's hard to pick up on, and he simply hides it to maintain his image. given that this post is a jab at me and my work, i feel no guilt nor will feel remorse over jabbing right back.

(especially since, if you pay attention to the wording of the post and OP themselves, it's clear that they had a... certain other neurodiverse headcanon for izaya, and was for some reason mad at me for having a different one)

(but i digress)

let's talk remorse.

first of all, the "lack of remorse" criterion isn't, as some might be tempted to think, the most important "hallmark" symptom of aspd. let's break down how disorders are diagnosed!

in the DSM, disorder symptoms are classed into criteria. these criteria are sometimes grouped together. here's the criteria list for ASPD in the dsm-5-tr, the most current version;

under group A, we have the standard "this is what the disorder is like, and these are the symptoms of it. you need X amount to have this disorder." the criteria listed in groups B, C, and D are on their own because they are required for diagnosis. if the lack of remorse criterion was truly SO important that it was the hallmark of the disorder, the one symptom that sets it apart from all cluster B disorders, then it would be in its own group like those 3 criterion! but it's not, because while it's the symptom most people associate with aspd, it's not the hallmark of the disorder, nor is it explicitly required for diagnosis.

in fact, the main Thing about aspd is, uh, right there actually- a pervasive pattern of disregard for the rights of others. in layman's terms, aspd is categorized by a consistent behavior pattern of treating other peoples' boundaries, wants, needs, and human rights, as trivial. this overall behavior pattern is then identified by specific actions or feelings the patient has- hence the criteria.

i could end this post here, honestly- who cares if izaya does or doesn't feel remorse? it's not needed for diagnosis, and it's izaya's whole thing to violate the rights of others- he consistently treats people as his playthings, wether or not they want him to (usually not!) he disregards others' feelings (the suicidal girls come to mind wrt this) and is incredibly reckless with both his life and the lives of others. it's kind of a done deal!

but i won't because i have more to say!

so. izaya. remorse. he feels it, but keeps it hidden. he represses it. and honestly, he always has some justification or another for whatevet it is he's doing. his targets had it coming because they're monsters. or stupid and cowardly. or had it coming. or it doesn't matter because he's a god amongst men. BUT- he does feel remorse! ASPD cured!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys i hate to tell you this, but i've felt remorse before. sparingly, but i have. i am a Person With ASPD from Real Life, i've been diagnosed professionally and even had multiple second opinions check and re-check, to the point that it became a running gag. i, without a shadow of a doubt, have antisocial personality disorder. And I Have Felt Remorse.

(my verdict is it sucks and is terrible and i have no idea how you people do it. yall need like, medals or something)

because, as you might have noticed... a lack of feeling remorse isn't actually the only thing listed. now, a lot of websites don't actually list the second half of the criterion, they just say "lack of remorse" with no elaboration. it's hard to find a website with the proper informatiom on it, especially if you haven't read the dsm to see the full criteria list, so you don't know what you're looking for. truly, i don't blame laypeople for not knowing this- it's not easy to find short of going to the source itself

but if you're writing long posts filled with "facts" about a disorder that you do not have, you better make damn sure your facts are right lest you spread misinformation.

(hell, i HAVE the damn thing and i make sure i'm as accurate as possible, because i acknowledge that Having The Disorder isn't a ticket to immidiate expertise. but imo it's especially egrigious when you don't have it)

but, the criterion itself is defined as "being indifferent to or rationalizing" harmful actions. Or Rationalizing. you can feel remorse as much as you want, but if you stomp it down with justifications about how you were right, it still counts!

and finally, the name of the game with diagnosis of any disorder is consistency. if someone can make their abuser cry because of them and feel no remorse, that's not aspd. that's just a special case. if someone can make anybody cry because of them and feel no remorse, that's aspd.

similarly, if someone can make most people cry because of them and feel no remorse, with one- or maybe two- exceptions, that's... still aspd. because the behavior expressed most consistently is a lack of remorse. one or two exceptions to the rule don't suddenly make you not have aspd, especially if you have multiple other symptoms. (in fact, in some aspd circles people do talk about having "exceptions," kind of like the aspd version of a pwBPD's favorite person. pwaspd feeling remorse or otherwise not meeting criteria in incredibly specific circumstances is in fact a documented phenominon. once again, this happened to me and i've been diagnosed multiple times over. were all those doctors wrong, or does aspd just not work like you thought it did?)

izaya consistently represses most of his more vunerable feelings. that's another one of his main things. if remorse is included in this, which it would be given the pattern, then izaya most consistently does not feel (or otherwise accept) remorse. a few slips of the mask here and there, where he can't stomp it down or ignore it, don't change that the most consistent behavior from him is a lack of remorse. in fact, him feeling remorse here and there makes the portrayal of aspd more realistic, imo-

people with aspd are still people at the end of the day, and aspd is just another mental illness. people are varied, mental illnesses present differently in everyone, and people have good days and bad days where symptoms are more or less pronounced. any symptom isn't going to be set in stone in severity or even presence in someone's life- severity of disorder changes with age, someone's circumstances, or even day-to-day, especially with cluster B disorders, where the people who have it are defined as being "dramatic, emotional, or erratic" (pg 735)

things change. people change. mental illness isn't as simple as people think, and aspd isn't as different from other illnesses as you'd think. people with it- including izaya- will have their good days and their bad days and their rare moments where something breaks through the clouds and for one moment, you feel normal, however distressing the feeling may be

that's not proof that the illness was never there. that's just life with it!

[godsfatassspheal]

FUCK THE ISLAND LORD! ME AND ALL MY HOMIES HATE HIS RACIST ASS!!

[milflewis]

niamh those tags just shot me down SEWISSSSSSSSSSSS warm and cuddly plssss

but do u see the vision!!!!!! as kyle and i were saying mb seb comes back with lewis and cooks him dinner bc you’re hosting me! it’s the least i can do! sit down lewis and relax. i have picked up some new skills yk? and so lewis does. watching seb move around his kitchen. music thrumming low. sun setting. they end up dancing at one point. lewis is full of skittering nervous energy so he twirls a very unimpressed roscoe around. seb giggling as he sways his hips awkwardly. head bopping. he looks ridiculous. lewis buries his face in roscoe’s neck to hide his smile.

the food is delicious and seb’s nose scrunches up when he laughs at lewis pretending to gag. cheeks pinking when he sees lewis scrape the plate clean. and then it’s off to bed! and oops! somewhere between throwing suds at each other and wiping down the table. chit chatting. roscoe has managed to pee on the spare bed! and i can’t have you sleeping on my couch seb! not after you making me dinner! well YOU have qualifying tomorrow so you can’t sleep on the couch either!

and so they end up sharing lewis’s bed. it’s huge after all. they keep talking as seb changes into spare clothes that lewis owns after showering. hair damp at the edges. whispering under the sheets even tho they’re alone. the room flooded with shadows and quiet. lewis falls asleep first. eased into it by seb’s soft recollection of all his different plants that he’s now growing. someone presses a thumb gently into the corner of his eyes as he drifts. a finger running down his cheek.

they wake up tangled together. seb’s feet caught between lewis’s calves. seb’s hair in his face. he smells like lewis. the room is bathed in sunlight and lewis hamilton is thirty nine years old and he is racing today and sebastian vettel is in his bed and he smells like lewis.

[gorillaxyz]

its snacking time

[orangegloom]

all my friends have lunch with me today yay

[homobrainjuice]

Think I might cry myself to sleep again tonight hope I have energy to be social tomorrow

[hairydykecunt]

uughhh god so i've been browsing through your blog and ihate that smell-o-vision isn't a thing!!!! i need to get a sniff of your pussy right the fuck now it's not even funny!!!! how are you so hot!!!!! aaaaaaa

it stinks soooo good right now you don’t even know:3 shoving ur face in it and making you clean up my mess btw

[theiloveyousong]

can i just eat pleaes. can you stop yelling at me and let me eat my dinnar…

[polyamquackity]

Tmrw ash is going to be sooo annoyed with tonight ash

[gorillaxyz]

i want chippy for dinner

i want chippy for dinner...

[lunar-fey]

:( i was so close to finally getting my sleep schedule fixed but for some reason my alarm didnt fucking go off so i slept a full 8 hours instead of taking a 3 hour nap. i was supposed to to to bed in like. 5 hours. not gonna happen now 😔

[abandonedsdjfhcvndfbv]

i love how creepy earthbound gets sometimes