#hindsight is 20/20 as they say...

[dy3rs3v3]

Mastodon rocking up to the MTV Video Music Awards at the Palms Casino Resort, Las Vegas, USA, 2007

[superxstarzz]

last but not least!!!! thief/rogue!!! I actually love both of these sm they were so fun to make

the stealing classes!!!!

[spitblaze]

dunno who needs to hear this but people in the 18-23 age bracket are not 'grown-ass adults'

[staryflowers]

Shoutout to the devs and Achilles of Hades by Supergiant games for straight up telling me "Hey you do know you're romancing Megaera, right" because I legitimately did NOT know that.

[netscapenavigator-official]

I think the saying “hindsight is 20/20” was throughly ruined by the year 2020. Because, even though I know the saying is referring to 20/20 vision, every time I hear it, the filing cabinet drawer in my brain that stores “2020” gets opened, and my brain makes the connection to it, even though I know that’s the wrong 20(/)20.

[welcometoteyvat]

nahida dialogues, sethos dialogue, and some optional dialogues (mostly just sethos) from cyno's sq2 for reference (chinese and english transcriptions just for fun)

warning this is long as fuck

after talking to ??? (sethos) at the oasis:

nahida lines:

carefree desert dweller: Huh. those guys are pretty cautious. They just sent one person to try to talk to us. 那些家伙还挺谨慎的吗，只派一个人来跟我们搭话，哈。

irritable desert dweller: These are the guys we’re been waiting for, huh? They ain’t what I expected. 这些就是咱们要等的人？和我想的不一样啊。。。

after meeting sethos and entering the temple of silence

>nahida lines:

Sethos: These guys clearly care a lot about each other. This is a long way for them all to come. 这群人彼此感情还挺深的嘛，难怪都跟来了。

Tighnari: The situation's even more complicated than I expected. I should make sure I know the way out before we go any further. 情况比预想的更复杂。得提前观察一下出去的路线。

Cyno: Professor... 老师。。。

>talk to Sethos, pick 1 of 3 dialogue options:

>You were the one who tricked Urraca, right?

Sethos: Yes, that was me. Although, "tricked" is a stretch. He was asking everyone in the tavern about ways to make some easy money. He insisted that nothing was off the table, even if it broke the law. So I told him that Cyrus had embezzled a large sum of Mora from the desert. 嗯，是我。不过你说得不准确，我没有骗那个学生，是他自己在酒馆里打听有没有来钱快的办法。他还说什么都可以，只要能弄到钱，违法也没关系。于是我告诉他居勒什偷藏了一大笔���沙漠搞来的钱。

Paimon: So you framed Cyrus for a crime that he did not commit! 那不就是栽赃居勒什吗！

Sethos: No no no, that's not entirely true. Let me jog your memory — the letter just said that he had uncovered Cyrus's secret. It didn't say what secret that was. 话不能这么说，回忆一下，他只说自己知道居勒什的秘密，又没有说是什么秘密。

>Did you tell him to use that wording? Sethos: Of course. Urraca was a great accomplice, really. Very cooperative with a little bit of wine in him — did exactly what he was told… And not much of an original thinker though. It doesn't surprise me that he struggles academically. 当然。乌拉卡真是个好帮手，喝醉了很听话，对出主意的人言听计从。。。这么没主见，难怪在教令院混不下去啊。

Paimon: Why did Cyrus leave for the desert as soon as he received the letter? 那为什么居勒什一收到信就连夜离开了？

Sethos: You'll have to ask him that one yourself. Certain things I can't answer for him. I'm neither judging nor defending him. All you need to know is that he recognized our emblem, and it was his own choice to take the bait. 这个嘛，你们自己去问居勒什吧。有些事我不能替他回答，好话坏话都说不得。你只要知道居勒什认识我们的纹章，他是愿者上钩。

>Do you know Cyno?

Sethos: Ahaha, what kind of a question is that? He's the General Mahamatra, everyone in Sumeru knows who he is. 啊哈哈，瞧你问的，须弥谁不认识大风纪官赛诺大人啊。

Paimon: Right, but back at the oasis, you can't have known who he was for sure, or you wouldn't have asked him. So what we're really asking is... Have you never seen him in person before? 可是刚才在绿洲，你还特地问了一句谁是赛诺。。。难道你从来没见过他？

Sethos: I've lived in the desert my whole life. Guess you could say... I've never had the pleasure. 我又不住在雨林，大风纪官哪是想见就能见到的？

Paimon: Ugh... Why does Paimon feel like this guy's not being straight with us... 唔。。。总觉得这家伙瞒着什么没说。。。

Sethos: C'mon, we've only just met. If I give you all the answers up front, you'll have nothing left to look forward to. 我们才见没多久，现在就把答案全都告诉你，以后的日子怎么过啊。

>Have you ever been to the Akademiya?

Sethos: No. Not once. 没进去过。

Paimon: Really?

Sethos: I have no need to go there — not when the taverns are full of the Urracas of this world. Besides, we're well aware of what goes on at that place. 我没必要去教令院啊，乌拉卡这种人酒馆里多的是。再说，教令院的作为我们也不是不清楚。

>Are you saying you have spies inside the city? Sethos: Spies? Heh, it's not as clandestine as that. The city gates are wide open, anyone's free to walk in. You can find out all you need to know just by walking around town and hearing the word on the street. 须弥城就在那里，谁想进就能随便进的嘛。每天那么多人在街上聊天，到处逛逛就知道了。

after bamoun's death

>nahida lines:

Sethos: Did you see, Grandfather? Cyno chose me to succeed you as leader of the Temple of Silence. I will now serve in his stead. It's still early days, and I can't say that I know him that well yet. But after that battle, I now understand why he came here with a whole group of friends. Companionship means to trust and be trusted. Just like Cyno and his friends, we too will fight side by side and support each other in times of trouble. 爷爷，你知道吗？赛诺选择我代替他成为缄默之殿的新任首领了。不能说我多了解他，可经过那一战，我完全明白了为什么赛诺和他的同伴会一起前来。信赖他人，也被人信赖，这才是同伴的意义。并肩作战，互相扶持，呵，这点上，我们和他们没有区别。

Cyrus: All these years, I've felt like I'm still young, I still have lots to look forward to in life. But now… I suddenly feel… I too have grown old, Bamoun, just like you. 这么多年，我经常觉得自己还年轻得很，还有很多事可以做。但现在，居然觉得。。。我和你一样，都还是老了啊，巴穆恩。

>talk to sethos:

Sethos: Grandfather, we did it. We achieved what we set out to do. From this day on, the Temple of Silence has the chance to work with the Akademiya once more. Real change, real opportunities... They are now within our grasp. 爷爷，目标达成了，就像我们期待的那一样。从今天开始，缄默之殿可能再次与教令院合作。改变和机遇，我们都已经得到了。

>talk to cyrus:

Cyrus: … *sigh* The people of the desert are stubborn folk, fiercely loyal to their heritage, even if it means suffering years of hardship and pain. You said this yourself. But why did you feel the need to go this far? You never were the fearsome leader you made yourself out to be, Bamoun. … Being stubborn and unyielding is bound to send you to an early grave. Haha... 。。。唉。沙漠人的固执决定了他们将忠于传承，也决定了他们要承受坎坷。这话是你自己说的。可为什么能执着到这种地步呢。。。你从来都不是可怕的人啊，巴穆恩。顽冥不灵的人，难免死在前头。哈哈。。。

after talking to cyrus as cyno

>nahida lines:

Cyrus: ... I can't treat my students like kids anymore. I have to admit, Cyno has matured far beyond my expectations. From now on, I'll just enjoy life as a retired sage. The future is safe in the hands of the younger generation.

我也不能把学生当小孩子看了。必须承认赛诺已经成长得超乎我想象。以后我啊，当一个退休老贤者就好啦。年轻一辈会负担起未来的。

Cyno: Joke... how do I make this a joke... 在想了，我在想了。。。

didn't transcribe the following conversations: collei and asfand when looking for cyno, zaha hadi dialogue, alhaitham and kaveh at the house of daena, dehya and candace, naphis and cyrus after returning, and the dialogue for cyrus and cyno at the end.

bilibili cn video of most of the missable scenes and nahida thought voicelines (i didn't know collei had one too until this lol). the english dub is all in the genshin wiki

[firespirited]

So, uh, I had a nervous breakdown - emotional meltdown - mental overload and guilt spiral of sorts that culminated in 5 fully blank* days and nights (*I keep a "times, meds, symptoms and activities" notepad). It's over now as far as I can tell as the cause has stopped, I didn't harm myself beyond some self neglect or cause pain to anyone else. I'm ok, picking up the pieces and determined to get treatment.

Not even sure if those are the correct terms and feel kinda uncomfortable using them like I just "spontaneously broke" as opposed to getting broken down by others but no one here is ready to talk about that so Emotional Breakdown™️ will have to do. Now that I've done a bunch of research and self-examination it was more of a PTSD reaction, a prolonged emotional flashback that I didn't know how to stop and with no outside relief or help.

Long post under cut

I was unfortunately mentally lucid and reacting to very real things but in an emotionally disproportionate way... which was actually not very impressive at all since everything but the sobbing and some talking to myself was happening on the inside, in the foetal position in my pitch black room because who knew? Stress in the neck or face sets off the mega migraines 🙃.

Very uncinematic. Barely an inconvenience to my flatmates. I force-fed myself bread, water and whatever meds might cause withdrawal if discontinued, fed Lily her pain meds at around the same time every night. I'm going to get a good grade in not being a danger to anyone or myself 👍👍👍

I began sedating myself as soon as the urges for inside pain to be visible on the outside got strong enough to actually visualize concrete ideas. Nothing with withdrawal potential: a few months worth of anti allergy meds, M eventually called the doctor once I ran out and had to tap in to my sleep meds, 5 days in to the full-blown meltdown.

Why sedation? I happen (lol no, it's actually pretty related to the ptsd) to be an expert on all things suicide and didn't want those thoughts to even get close to started.

My doctor is stellar, she believed me, didn't act like my grief was unwarranted, prescribed more anti-histamines and kindly but firmly told me to stop blaming myself for other people's choices, we just can't control how other people choose to act. The self loathing had started from a seemingly obvious pattern and spiralled way out of any kind of logic. That grounded me a little on Wednesday.

We talked over my options : the local psych ward is the opposite of restful or safe for migraines; the care homes have waiting lists, especially in summer when people drop off the elders to go on holiday but she's going to try and find me a slot if the current home stability breaks again. Not having any extended family or local friends meant no escape and that didn't help mentally either.

I feel like I've had a really bad flu, I feel very fragile. I feel like things have been very unfair but also not safe enough to indulge any anger about it, not here and now so a sort of numbness has settled in... emotional that is, the migraines are stomping my head and also irritating the bowels because why not add insult to injury? 😂

Mum's violent mood swings were over on Thursday morning and on Friday I decided I had to face life, get back in the saddle before fear could kick in and helped sis go to an appointment that she was very nervous about. Just about managed then crashed the rest of the day.

It felt good to be useful 😊💖and I needed the perspective of there being a whole wide world out there, not just the lovely tumblr folks in my phone 🌸💕🌸 who are close but also unreachable.

Moral of the story, if there is a moral to any of this, … ? Repressing your fears and emotional pain for 30 years will turn you into a sobbing blob with little to no control so don't assume you're handling things because, yes technically you are, until your last tether breaks and then you're just a trauma response at full volume.

Oh and flashbacks don't automatically happen visually or in nightmares like in the movies. I already knew that for me, specific memory flashbacks seem to cause a hollow and weak nauseating feeling like when adrenaline is wearing off but now I know emotional flashbacks are more of a paralysing overwhelming series of waves of many strong feelings. One of the more identifiable red flags among the general mess of emotion for future episodes would probably be irrational and very potent guilt/shame.

So uh yeah, sorry I haven't checked in for over a week or done much of anything, I'll try and catch up as soon as I can 🥰

So now it's beyond confirmed : I have PTSD from stuff that ended over a decade ago, stuff from far older too, you think time heals all but it doesn't heal untreated wounds and I'm going to seek treatment no matter what.

It's mortifying to talk about but if I tell you lovely people, well, I can't run from it any more.

I'm also going to need to set boundaries with some very fragile people but not without the help of an expert, I've been caring for sis and her borderline tendencies for over a year this time around and not been allowed to set limits. Mum's crossed a line she can't even see yet. It could be months before that's a subject we can safely approach.

I have a post in my drafts from last November about finding great happiness in a bare room of a few boxes, a mattress and the internet and how I'd be quite content to live that way again: peace really is worth it. It's like a letter to myself that this was coming and reassurance that I've been happy before despite frightening change and financial poverty.

I have duties to my family and they too have been good to me - there's the expectation that therapy will "toughen me up" to better manage but I can tell from just that disastrous first session with mum present, that boundaries will be part of the deal. That's the most frightening and delicate part. I have been eldest daughter, big sis, selfless friend and good kid™️/parenting kid from my very first memories, any change will be perceived as not being me any more (maybe even to myself), it'll also go against deeply ingrained societal and personal habits.

__________

In other news Lily turned 16, she is happy and healthy. She's been with me for 9 years.

I was hoping to train a new therapy dog as she's been retired for a couple of years and even lined up a sweetheart of a rescue called Vanina. That can't happen yet. Or maybe that's something I need. Idk.

I don't expect any major pivot in the doll hobby, watch habits or Patreon/support to friends at this point but it's all in the air.

Looking forward to getting back to normal and also cherishing (in an odd sort of way, maybe that's not the right word) this moment as a "survived it!!" thing but also "WOW you needed help and it's overdue".

Take care of yourselves lovely people. See you soon.

[maddy-ferguson]

i do hope anyone who said that calling israel your happy place wasn't indicative of someone's character or of their political stance when they're 18 and just one person🥺 and have 30 million followers or that a post parroting the idf was being taken the wrong way feels stupid now

[punctuation-completionist]

you don’t have to answer this ask but wow how are you supposed to be the bad guy fucking apologizing for reacting badly to being told to kill yourself?? i hate this website

well okay hold up i never said i was the bad guy. i said there were misunderstandings on both sides and that i was sorry for an issue in one part of how i handled it. just one.

[ghostpunkrock]

reading pete wentz’s 2005 blog posts is genuinely such a wild ride. sometimes it’s mundane tour or merch updates. sometimes it’s love letters to his crush. sometimes it’s putting out internet gossip. sometimes it’s a list of what movies he’s watching. sometimes it’s just about how he’s depressed and can’t sleep. sometimes it’s mind-blowing poetry with lines that will turn into his most devastating lyrics. and sometimes it’s whatever this is

is he /j? is he /srs? doesn’t matter it’s making me crazy

[rai-knightshade-art]

Alright last one cause i promised myself I'd limit to just one set of Blorbos (otherwise this wouldn't be an art blog anymore).

(image ID in Alt text)

[citronaut69]

I'm sorry but Ali Krieger moved her ass to ORLANDO of all fuckin places for Ashlyn and yet Miss Ashlyn has the absolute AUDACITY to fumble this??? Maam. Absolute shenanigans here

[coffincoitus]

rhaenyra letting out that soft, dead-tired "you're pathetic" was so sadddd. the culmination of years of trying to believe chosing daemon as her partner wasn't a mistake

[vacantgodling]

it’s giving

anele: how could you get pregnant, we promised to be child free

dawn: i was told by the goddess that this baby would shape the course of our world so i can’t just give her up

after everything happens

dawn: ….. perhaps anele was right

[burntlikethesun]

going back in time a decade and telling people in dw fandom making colourful edits of billie and her then husband laurence fox that he would become a bigoted homophobic, transphobic racist who has been booted off the british version of fox news for being too misogynist, but not for burning pride flags in his garden or putting his young sons in blackface. and has just had his house raided by the police.

[spocktheestallion]

“rhoam couldn’t help being a bad dad! he had to act as a king!” yeah and he was bad at that too. he bet everything on one factor and refused to try anything other than prayer even after it didn’t yield results for a decade. astronomical L of a king and a father. if he has no haters i’m dead.