#hilarious how both songs are about being lost from god

[velvetjune]

the chapter songs in Alan Wake 2,, flawless

[not-wholly-unheroic]

I hope to write a full review of Peter Pan and Wendy at some point in the near future once I’ve had the chance to rewatch it a few times, but in the meantime, it makes me sad that so many people seem to have hated it, and I need to just gush about a few of my favorite parts.

(Warning: This list will contain SPOILERS for the film.)

Wendy’s very realistic reaction to having her favorite bedtime story character show up in her bedroom in the middle of the night (“How are you real?!).

The reworking of the “kiss” scene. Although the childhood romance/first love thing between the two of them in most versions is adorable, seeing Wendy sort of mentally panic and scramble to find SOMETHING to give Peter when, after getting hurt, Michael suggests someone give him a kiss to make it better and Peter says he doesn’t know what that is but he thinks he needs one is hilarious and totally something an awkward teen girl would do when confronted with kissing a boy in front of her brothers.

Mr. Smee’s good heart and kindness. Gaffigan’s Smee tries on more than one occasion to shield the kids from the worst of Hook’s wrath and/or scary situations as best he can while still being loyal to Hook. And it is openly acknowledged that there is a sort of father/son relationship between Hook and Smee due to Smee having pulled him from the sea when he was just a boy. Law’s Hook isn’t always good to Smee, but he very much recognizes he wouldn’t be alive without him. It’s also nice to see that although a bit of a dork sometimes, this Smee isn’t stupid, and actually seems pretty perceptive at times.

The sea shanties!!! I love that they found a way to work a few songs into the film without it feeling too out of place in a live-action movie that isn’t a full-on musical. The songs themselves are catchy and the lyrics (which are mostly about things in the deep that will eat you…) serve to remind us of the hellish nightmare Hook lives every day in fear of the crocodile. We also get a nod to the Disney sequel. (Props to the songwriter for managing to work the word “cephalopod” into a song and actually having it fit the rhyme.) Also, the second song arguably has a ticking motif in the slow drum beat.

The crocodile’s appearance and attitude. This thing is terrifying. It’s HUGE. There is absolutely no one in their right mind who wouldn’t run from this creature. While it wants Hook most of all, it isn’t opposed to eating others either (and does apparently nab a few men who get shoved out of the way by Hook or who aren’t fast enough). Also, all the spears sticking out of its hide. Makes me think of Moby Dick. The crew has apparently tried on many occasions to get rid of this crocodile but it refuses to die.

The similarities and differences in Peter’s fight with Hook at Skull Rock as opposed to the animated film. Hook ALMOST steps off a ledge at one point like in the animated version, but Smee is there to grab us coat and pull him back before he can fall. We also get some good shadow sequences like in the animated film…but apparently, Hook’s shadow can harm Peter’s with the effect that Peter himself actually feels it.

Hook’s reaction to the crocodile. His first words on seeing the creature are just a very quiet sort of shaky, “Oh, God….” When it lunges for him at one point, he freezes in terror for a second before his instinct to run kicks back in. This man is traumatized.

Hook and Peter’s relationship. Okay, yeah, I’m upset they went with the very cliche “Hook was a Lost Boy” deal which has been done so many times now in book retellings that it’s not even new or interesting anymore (not to mention Hook really needs to be an Etonian to make him who he is…) BUT I am very pleased at the emotional depth the actors and writers went to here for BOTH of the characters. Hook is still clearly capable of brutality but he’s also deeply wounded. Peter is selfish and cocky like any little boy might be, but he’s not evil and genuinely misses the friend he used to have in James. They weren’t black and white hero/villain tropes. They were complex characters who both dealt with things poorly, and it takes Wendy pushing on their emotional walls and asking hard questions to finally make them see they can stop hurting each other and maybe repair what has been broken.

The quotes they gave Law as Hook. So many good ones that I may make an entirely separate post about it but the entire brig scene with Wendy is gut-wrenching. At first, my reaction was, “Why is he telling her all of this?” But then, I remembered that even Barrie’s Hook has a tendency to monologue and I think part of the reason he tells her so much is simply because she might be the first person other than Smee to actually want to LISTEN to his side of things. (Much as how Tink points out later in the film that Wendy is one of the first people to really hear her.)

Peter actually needing and accepting help. While admittedly, I think they may have leaned into the “girl power” thing a little too heavily in this version, it was nice to see Peter actually realize that he DOES need people in his life and that it’s OKAY to ask for help sometimes.

Everything about the ending. Peter apologizing to Hook and flat-out refusing to fight him. Hook’s initial anger and disbelief. Peter reaching out and grabbing him by the claw to keep him from falling. The pained and terrified look on Hook’s face as he scrambles to come up with just one happy thought and can’t find any. The look of horror from Peter as he watches his former best friend fall to what he assumes will be his death. The fact that Peter MOURNS for him. The symbolism of “Hook” falling away and dying while “James” survives. The little hopeful smile he gives when he sees Peter coming back. UGH! It was SO GOOD!!! 😭 And that’s not even including the emotional scene with Peter and Wendy saying their goodbyes on the rooftop in London.

This film wasn’t without it’s flaws. The pacing was a little off in places, and it doesn’t feel quite like an epic adventure…but BOY, does it have some heart to it.

[power-chords]

Some Miami Vice Thots*:

Big Screen, I Notice More Stuff: That club is called MANSION. Linkin Park (from Agoura Hills, or what seems to me to be the Westchester, NY of the San Fernando Valley — Californians please correct me if I'm wrong), mashed up with Jay-Z (a Black billionaire from the mean streets of Bed-Stuy, the New New Gatsby/Big Joe Turner). Relevant to bullet point immediately below.

According to Michael Mann Miami in the mid-aughts is Age of Discovery (Digital Edition) meets Crime Family Feudalism in recursive recurrence, multiple timelines and identities inhabiting the same geographic vectors (everyone is always forever in motion). The very first interaction Sonny has with someone who is not a team member is a bartender who says she is from Lisboa, to which Sonny replies, "But you got your tan in Miami." This is what I read: She's the "reformed" Portuguese equivalent of the character in this Butch Walker song. She came from money, she lost it perhaps, but she's been since... repossessed? There's a more sinister interpretation under the surface, since she is under the roof of a powerful (and possibly related) employer whose business operations require unwavering loyalty + utmost discretion in exchange for protection (which in this case is also exploitation). Tan, in other words, as a form of Midas touch. Sacrifice to a sun(/SON!!!) god (or is Sonny more of a defecting Samson figure, speaking to an inert "Neon" Delilah who will only feign at seduction/betrayal, moving through the moves?). So already these two characters are speaking in code to each other, which is an amazing storytelling device on Mann's behalf, and you can shake so much out of that.

Derived from the above: "My Mommy and Daddy know me," hilarious line btw, becomes double-doublespeak, quadruple-speak! Not only is he pretending to tell the truth under a fabricated fundamental, the statement itself is yet another subtextual lie. His parents don't really know him, they just thought they did, which is why he's run off to become what he's become. Rico is the partner who acts out of duty first, love secondarily; Sonny is the Byronic inverse. Diaspora southern gothic. I like to think this is the mythic re-interpretation/inspiration Mann wishes a certain American population would draw from, in lieu of... current political/pop cultural figureheads.

Gina tenderly comforting the injured Zito... this shot is seconds long and yet captures my heart every time! Where is the backstory fic for these two!

Once again, the Rico/Trudy sex scene is a definite contender for the most affectionate, respectful, and sensual one in Hollywood history

Oh, Isabella. My girl Isabella. I overheard someone in the lobby call this film "such a guy movie." I don't know what drugs these people are on. Especially when counterpart to the hypermasculine satirical camp is the sensitivity and sympathy with which Mann portrays the situation of women, how we are exploited either way/anyway, deprived of romantic trust/human partnership by being put at risk by men and also by them denied the agency of taking risks for ourselves. There's both heartbreak and hypocrisy in how she attacks Sonny at the end, screaming "Who are you!" (The audience's heartbreak is: We have an instinctive uneasy sense of the systems that force her, and the rest of us, to live as hypocrites. Who are any of us, anymore, really!)

I was like MICHAEL DO THE GARMENTO CRIME DRAMA W/ ME and he was like "I made Miami Vice already, dummy! Pay attention!" Me: "OK!!!" [Pays a visit to Auerbach's Keller in Grand Central Terminal and then stays up until 5 AM playtesting West Village: Walpurgisnacht/watching the Chicago & Miami Postmodern Pseudepigrapha about Non-Recourse Factoring]

The "color coding" in this film is bonkers. More on that eventually, I'm still chewing on it.

The duality of Man(n)ager: the tragic pathos imbued to Alonzo vs. the vaudevillian coercion of Nicholas. "Why is this happening to me?!" cracks me the fuck up. This most powerful, literally biblical quandary of them all, the whole of Mann's filmography boiled down to its most singular and direct (I.E., truthful) expression, in the form of a persecuted exclamation, and it's played for laughs. Because what can you do except laugh! It's Job(/lowercase job) as circus performance, as a cabaret act. Job's poetry parodied into factional slogans and Shandyan-American dick jokes. I can't believe people think this is a stupid movie, it's pretending to be stupid!!!

*The appropriate spelling for this film in particular

[sixty-silver-wishes]

2 am but . god I love shostakovich so much thank you shostakovich for existing and being brilliant and nervous and stubborn and determined and terrified and compassionate and impulsive and hilarious and angry and human and everything you were

thank you for trio 2. even though it wasn't written for me. thank you for the cello sonata and violin concerto 1 and lady macbeth and all the symphonies and quartets and the preludes and fugues and rayok and the song cycles

thank you for introducing me to sollertinsky and weinberg and gogol and ustvolskaya and schnittke and gubaidulina and chekhov and dostoevsky. and evtushenko, whose family gave me a book of poetry because of you

thank you for surviving. even when it hurt. even when you lost friends and the whole world had its eyes on a fragile man with two children and a piano and a trembling cigarette between your teeth, and a life to live and hands that shook and a packed suitcase and the fact that elmira nazirova said you hardly ever conducted your own music because you were terrified of all those eyes watching you from behind. thank you for knowing you had to create, to laugh and cry and live. and for letting me laugh and cry and live with you 48 years after you died

thank you for introducing me to your language, because I studied a whole language just to get to know you better, and there aren't many other people I would do that for

thank you for introducing me to people who are now among my closest friends. you never knew me, or them, but our lives are different now because of you

thank you for all the times I read the news and was fucking terrified and I put on your music and knew that as horrible as things were in the last century, there were good people, and there were good people throughout history, and there are good people now, and there will always be good people, and then I felt a little less afraid

thank you for all the books and music and photographs and footage and little pieces of you I've gathered over the years, in hopes that each bit of evidence could let me see you a little more

thank you for all the writing I've done about you, and how much you've inspired me, both as an artist and as a person, and how you'll never know it but dammit, us researchers aren't supposed to talk about historical figures like this. you're dead, and we must be credible and objective and distanced.

but today, I don't think it hurts to say that you changed my life.

Drink a toast of Kakhetian no. 8 with Ivan Ivanovich for me, if they have Georgian wine wherever you are.

I'm glad you existed.

[txemrn]

Like Ships in the Night

Prologue: We Finally Got It All Right

Welcome to my new anthology series Like Ships in the Night! I am so fortunate to have some amazing readers that enjoy this sweet pairing, and have expressed interest in seeing how fate tried bringing them back together during their 15 years apart. And you know what? I want to see that, too! So... here it is, and I hope you enjoy this adventure as much as I enjoyed dreaming about it and creating it! Each story can be read as a one-shot (unless noted), and--I'm so excited about this part--you are going to see some of canon woven into this. And in true Emily-fashion, it's not going to follow a specific time-line, but you will be able to follow along.

For those of you who are new to Tatum Erikson: this is the infamous "Hopkins Girl"... and in my AU, she and Ethan find their way back to each other.

🔞This collection of stories is intended for mature audiences only. By continuing, you agree that you are 18 years of age or older. TW for chapters will be included with each part. 🔞

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!OC (Tatum Erikson-Ramsey)

Series Music Inspo: "Ships in the Night" by Mat Kearney

Chapter Music Inspo: "I Choose You" by Sara Bareilles

Chapter Summary: On the night of their wedding, Tatum begins to reflect about her relationship with Ethan... and about all of the missed opportunities that they had with one another.

Word Count: ~3400

Warnings: NSFW/smut 🍋; language

A/N: Some of these characters/plots belong to our friends at Pixelberry. Huge thank you to my girl @charlotteg234 for helping me choreograph my smut, and to my girl @ao719 for looking over said smut! lol Love you both! Not truly beta'd; please excuse my errors.

~🖤~

Would you call me crazy if I told you I believe in cheesy romance stories? You know the type: the kind where the rich CEO’s car breaks down in a small town, where he meets the shy, yet beautiful local pastry chef with a failing bakery? He inevitably screws things up, but he proves his love by performing a grand gesture–in this case, buying out her bakery to give it back to her. Or how about the age-old story where a woman meets a stranger in a bar, spends a hot night of passion with him, only to find out in the morning that he is her new boss?  Or he’s the son of her boss? Or he’s the crown prince of some made-up country in the Mediterranean? 

Now, before you roll your eyes at me, I know what you’re thinking. Stuff like that doesn’t actually happen in real life. Men don’t go out of their way to make fools of themselves for love. Love has its limits, and the sensation of being ‘swept off your feet’ is nothing more than a trigger of chemicals in your body, supported by the greeting card companies and flower shops.  And let me tell you: I totally agree with you.

Until it happened to me.

When I was twenty-three, I fell in love with the most intelligent, fearless, most handsome man I had ever met in my life. He was strong, yet sensitive; he was quiet, but hilarious.  He was such a colossal pain in my ass. And I absolutely loved him for it. For over three years, our relationship was thrilling, breath-taking, all-consuming and wild. It was the kind of love that inspires love songs and poetry, a love that makes you believe in soulmates and wishing on stars and happily ever afters.  We had no idea what the hell we were doing, which made it so incredibly perfect. He was so incredibly perfect.

Then, I single-handedly fucked it up. Everything that was good in my life, I threw it all away in a single moment. And that incredibly perfect man… I broke him. And the worst part? I changed him. Because of me, he learned to be cold and hard; he learned to be closed off, to protect himself from getting hurt ever again. He lost that spontaneous bright light in his eyes. And love?  He stopped believing in it.   

But, I’ll let you in on a little secret: the story of Ethan Ramsey and Tatum Erikson doesn’t stop there.  It should’ve. My God, it should’ve, but fate had a different ending for us.

“Tate?”

His voice. It still rings like a melody to me, especially with my name dancing on his lips. Well, that and judging from his mumble, his keys must be in his mouth.  His hands are full with a late dinner, and no doubt, Jenner is making it nearly impossible for him to sneak through the door with his excitement.

I give the navy velvet sky one more glance as I turn to walk back inside from our balcony. Pulling the curtains shut, I watch Ethan set the table before lighting a few tapered candles between our plates. He then promptly unpacks the brown paper bags of our greasy, late-night fast food dinner.

Recinching the white satin belt of my short, lace-trimmed robe startles him into a double-take.  “There you are,” he beams brightly at me; he offers a guilty smile as he claps his hands. “Nothing was open at 1:30 in the morning except…” he sighs, “the golden arches.”

Raising a playful eyebrow, I saunter closer to him, closing the gap between us. As I wrap my arms around his thick, swole musculature, his taut, strong arms envelop my own body. He pulls me closer, pressing me lovingly into the flat planes of his chest.

“Mmmm…" I nuzzle into him, "it’s perfect. My husband did good,” I steal a fry.

He smirks before kissing my forehead. He looks at his watch. “It’s been–” he clicks his tongue, “--nine hours? I really hope I haven’t messed this marriage-thing up too badly just yet. Although, I’m not so sure that feeding my wife McDonald’s on her wedding night is being a good husband.”

"I think you're doing a damn good job on keeping her satiated, Mr. Ramsey," I giggle under my breath. 

The man truly is a god. His glorious tongue and nimble fingers permeated secret parts of me during our quaint wedding reception earlier, making us swiftly take our exit during the main course.  Even now after spending four breathless hours making love, I look up into those possessive crystal eyes, and my arousal instantly awakens. God, I need him.

Ethan tilts his head lower towards me, his breath warm on the shell of my ear. “Every touch from you, Mrs. Ramsey, leaves my begging… for … more," he nips at my earlobe, punctuating his words.  The sudden sting ignites a fury of goosebumps across my skin.

And suddenly, I can't let go of him. Feeling the heat of his body against my own intoxicates me like a fine vintage wine. This man, this honorable and selfless man: he is my beloved, my husband, my forever. My soul literally craves just to be in his presence; my being thirsts to be held steadfast in the oasis of his heart. I want to dive deep and succumb to his currents; the height of his love I will never, ever be able to fathom. 

And to think: he chose me. Again.

The silky fabric of my robe slips off my shoulder. Ethan's large hand brushes across my exposed freckled skin, admiring my decollete as if he was experiencing it for the first time. His breath shutters against my chest, his desire hardening against my belly. His mouth presses to my exposed skin as he marks me as his own. The pull from his pout is heavenly; he burrows his face into my neck, his arms hugging me tightly.

I tenderly rake my fingers through his espresso waves, massaging the back of his neck.

"My wife…" he silently breathes against me like a fervent prayer. His hands find the loose knot of my belt, pulling the tie undone with his thumb. The material flounces open, his fingers roaming across my bare curves.

His lips find mine, a slow fire kindling between them. His tongue flirts inside my mouth, swirling languidly around the tip of mine. 

My knees buckle with the abrupt throbbing between my legs, but his arms brace me. We both warmly snicker before I peer up at the gorgeous, chiseled lines of his face. His dark stare is so attentive, so captivated with me; I can feel my heart pirouette in my chest. 

I want him–God, I fucking need him in the most feral of ways. Now. I am his lamb, his sacrifice. I need him to strip me, ravage me, break me, consume me. 

"I thought you were hungry," he growls, tracing my jaw with the bridge of his nose. His eyelashes flutter against my skin; even my toes curl to the command of their gentle tickle. 

My breath quickens, the rise and fall of my chest pressing into his firm body. "I thought you were," my voice softly rattles, painfully aware of his tightly constricted appetite in his sweatpants.

He rolls his tongue across his bottom lip as he tucks a finger under the material resting on my other shoulder. With a careful flick,  the satin glides down my arm, drifting into a delicate cascade until it ripples on the floor around my ankles.

"I am," he cups my cheek, painting his thumb across my own pout. He then drags his knuckles down my exposed body: down my chin and neck, between my breasts and around my navel. He takes a knee, his mouth replacing his hand. He trails sweet kisses down my abdomen before tenderly caressing my sex. I hum as he gazes back up at me, his eyes dark with want. "I am very–" I gasp as he pushes his fingers into my core, "--very hungry." Pulling back out, he lifts his hand to his mouth. He moans in pleasure, his tongue eagerly lapping up my sweet desire.

As he sensually sucks on the tips of his fingers, I greedily steal his hand, bringing it back to my own lips. With a mischievous grin on my face, I kiss his palm before dragging it down to my pert breast. I guide his hand into massaging me slowly, his secure grip finding and teasing my nipples. Losing myself in the vast wilderness of his longing stare, he renders me speechless; the anticipation leaves me breathless. God, just put your mouth on me already...

I drag my teeth across my lips, watching my new husband shiver, unraveling on his knees. Combing my nails behind his ear, he shifts his gaze back to me, and I whisper. 

“Take me.”

Hastily finding the bottom curve of my ass, he takes hold of me, pulling me closer to himself. His hands wander smoothly up my thighs, discovering my wet slit. He tenderly traces my folds, and a sudden ache for more courses through my legs 

His finger grazes over my plumping clit, once… then twice before he circles around again… and then back the other direction. My foot coyly turns inward as my knee curls to shield my throbbing apex from his welcoming intrusion.

“Uh-uh,” he scolds me. He slips my leg out from under me, instantly finding its way over his broad shoulder. I brace myself on the back of a chair as he strums my swollen button. 

My knees quiver with reckless electricity; my body trembles with raw nerves.  My lower belly warms with excitement, euphoria building deep within me. I begin to rub against his hand.

“Ethan,” I gasp, “please baby–”

He stops. As he flicks his eyes to me with that irresistible smirk, he must’ve seen the look of betrayal written all over my face.

“Ethan?”

But before I can get my words out, he scoops me up bridal-style, hurrying me into our bedroom.  He throws me like a ragdoll onto the plush bed before ripping off his undershirt.  I sit up on my knees, my fingers reaching for his waistband. As I lunge closer to take what I want, he grabs my wrists. He crawls on top of me pinning me down, my hands helplessly over my head. 

He kisses into my whimpers, his teeth nipping at my swollen lips. “Such an eager girl,” he snickers, biting my lip again until he gently licks into my mouth. 

Ethan traces his tongue down my body, circling around my nipple before pulling it into his mouth.  Fuck, it hurts so good. One of my hands has traveled to the back of his head, encouraging his rapacious mouth into my sensitive skin. But, he possessively steals my hand from his neck, restraining it useless above my head.

“Stay,” the corner of his mouth turns up as he pants, “you stay right here until you finish for me." He playfully tugs on my other nipple with his teeth before stealing another glimpse of me. "And you will finish on me.” 

His demanding claim on me as well as his overpowering strength sends a chilling ache through my body. My need for him grows fervent, restless, completely starved.  I am his hostage, and only he holds the key to my release, to my pleasure. He is my undoing.

He slips down my body, spreading my legs apart for him. I quake as he spreads apart my lips, and all at once, his tongue drinks me deeply. My back arches against the mattress, as he swirls around my most sensitive area.

My breath becomes ragged as my hips thrust off of the bed. Hoarse mewls escape my mouth as my head thrashes back and forth across the pillow.

Without warning, he glides two thick fingers into my channel, stealing the very breath from my lungs.  Finding the perfect spot inside, he strokes deeply, smoothly, my toes curling with the change of sensation.  

I am overwhelmed; each stroke builds on the last, the intensity obliterating my mind. Is this pleasure? Is this pain? I can’t–I can’t take anymore.

That is until Ethan takes his other hand, firmly pressing it down on my lower belly. The electricity of my desire erupts into a million stars, dancing in my own galaxy. 

And then he slides in another finger.

My mouth drops open into earth-shattering silence as I pump my hips uncontrollably into his hand. My body trembles, hurdling me towards an orgasm. It’s terrifying, and thrilling, and absolutely emotional. I can barely breathe anymore, my inhales catching in my chest as my body cries out. 

But suddenly, as my climax overcomes me, throwing me off the edge to complete ruin, Ethan stops. He grips my ass and swiftly, flips us both over. Finding myself on my knees, my husband’s head is between my thighs, his lips a breath away from my wet pussy.

"Ride me, baby."

He pulls my hips down, the sudden jerk causing me to grab the wooden headboard. His stubble tickles my sensitive skin as my nerves reignite with pleasure. My body melts into him, his mouth instantly finding my deep ache. He blows gently across my throbbing clit before wrapping his mouth around it, giving it a nip with his teeth.

"Ethan!"

A stun of electricity courses through my veins.  A deep burn contracts in my belly as groans of ecstasy escape my throat; my eyes prick with tears of euphoric joy as he strokes me through another orgasm.  My whimpers fill our room as I uncontrollably pulse and constrict around his tongue and fingers. My thighs quiver as I grind my quaking pussy across his hungry mouth.

My knuckles blanch to white as I grip the headboard; glistening with sweat, my body grows limp, begging for rest, begging for oxygen, begging to collapse from my husband’s predatory gleaning of my body… now his body.  

But, he holds me fast and close, his hands gripping firmly to the swells of my ass as he continues to feast on my ravaged center. He tenderly nuzzles me open, his tongue consuming every last drop of my pleasure.

He crawls out from under me, quickly climbing onto his knees to kneel behind my body. His arms snake around my abdomen as he pulls me back into his lap. And I collapse against his chest, my hands finding the tops of his before tangling our fingers together.

Relishing his touch, Ethan presses his lips into my jaw, along my neck, coming to rest on my shoulder. He tightens his hold on me as his mouth finds the shell of my ear, my body lax against his. 

And then I giggle. His soft whispers of the most lovely, the most hidden of secrets saved just for us drip like honey from his lips, his sweet words seducing me in the most intimate of ways.

Turning my head to meet his gaze, our lips brush against one another as we finally relax into each other's arms, laying down against the swirl of sheets and stacks of pillows. Finding a comfortable silence, I can feel his pulse bounding in time with mine as we share the air around us. He mindlessly traces shapes with the tips of his fingers across my hips. His ankles intertwine with mine, and somehow, something so mundane feels so possessive, so intimate. I could drown in this moment, knowing my last breath was him claiming me as his own.

"How?" I sigh, not realizing the actual word escaped from my mind.

"Hrmm?" He rasps, readjusting his hold on my body against his.

I titter in embarrassment. "This. I just can't believe… we're here…"

He nuzzles his nose against my neck. "Just you and me." He takes my hands, gently interlocking our fingers together as he brings it up to his mouth for a kiss.

A thought crosses my mind. And I sit up, leaning myself against the plethora of pillows against the headboard.  Grabbing a sheet to cover myself, I look down at my husband, a pensive grin quirking on my mouth. "Do you–" I sigh, shaking my head. "Nevermind."

Ethan sits himself up next to me, playfully knocking his shoulder into me. "Do I what?" 

"It's silly."

He smirks. "Like that's ever stopped you?"

I swat his arm before wrapping my hand around his bicep, laying my head against his shoulder. "Do you believe... in fate?"

He rolls his head towards me, giving me that look, like I just asked him the most idiotic question on the planet.

"What?" I teasingly pout. 

He raises his eyebrows. "Do you really want to know my answer?" 

No. I chuckle to myself; I know better. I have always appreciated Ethan's ability to remain level-headed. He's a realist, a believer in physical matter. Everything can or will be explained by science. For the most part, I agree with him. Afterall, I am a scientist, too. 

And maybe he's right; the rekindling of our relationship was a complete coincidence. But still… after all of the missed meetings and stolen glances from afar… after all of these years, why now?

He presses a lingering kiss to my forehead. "Tell me. What do you think?"

"Whether or not you believe in fate?"

"No," he rolls his eyes, grinning wide. His deep chuckle reverberates through his body, warming mine. He pulls me gently into his chest. "Tell me, baby," he softly croons. "Tell me what you're thinking. Tell me what's got you thinking about–" he waves his hand in the air as if he's presenting a magical word on a rainbow. "--destiny."

"Not when you say it like that," I pinch his belly.

"Okay, okay!" He flinches, snickering before cradling me closer. "I'm sorry. I'll be serious." I give Ethan a questioning glare until he holds up three fingers. "Doctor's honor."

I giggle as I mindlessly begin to play with his fingers in silence.  I finally sigh because I officially sound like a lunatic, and surely, this beautiful man is about to go get our marriage annulled. "I don't know," I breathe him in deeply, my fingertips grazing through the hair on his chest. "I feel like… now looking back on us, we had so many missed opportunities… divine interventions… I don't know," I snicker at myself because I don't just sound insane; I am insane.

That is until Ethan takes my hand, giving me a reassuring squeeze. "I'm listening."

"What if we were always meant to find each other? Like… God, I don't know." I turn around to face him leaned against the wall of pillows. "Imagine we're heading to work on the T, but we keep missing the stop… and yet, we still end up where we're supposed to go, even if we have to catch another line or hail a cab."

Ethan gives me a skeptical look. "Okay, so… you believe you and I had missed opportunities to be together–"

"I don't know if I believe it… but somehow calling those missed connections, those times that we almost crossed paths again…" I bite my bottom lip, shaking my head. "Rams, how could they just be coincidences?"

Ethan couldn't take his eyes off me; I could tell he was perplexed with what I was insinuating by the way he chewed the inside of his mouth. We fell into a quietness, my question left unanswered. 

I could feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Maybe I was being hyper-emotional with it being our wedding day and all the talk of love everlasting.

After spending a few moments studying my face, Ethan tenderly takes my foot, pushing back the sheet to expose it completely. He lays it on the firm planes of his abdomen as he begins to gently knead his thumbs and knuckles into my arches.

"Coincidences, hrm?" He exhales heavily. "Or fate?" He shakes his head with uncertainty as he strokes each one of my toes. "Tell me a coincidence. One of our coincidences."

Feeling myself melt into his touch, I look down at my wedding band, twirling it around my finger. Taking a deep breath, I lick my lips and begin.

"Do you remember the time…?"

~🖤~

Tags (please let me know if you'd like to be added/removed)

PERMA

@alj4890 @ao719 @charlotteg234 @issabees @kat-tia801 @kingliam2019 @mainstreetreader @mom2000aggie @neotericthemis @nikirennie87 @peonierose @socalwriterbee @tessa-liam

ALL OPH

@alyshak92 @annfg8 @bisexualdisasteracd @cariantha @coffeeheartaddict2 @lsvdw-blog @mvalentine @ofmischiefandmedicine @rookiemartin @starrystarrytrouble @youlookappropriate

~🖤~

Thank you so much for your support! Every like , comment and reblog means the world to me! 🖤

[yuukei-yikes]

REASONS TO LOVE SHINTARO AS A CHARACTER:

first of all; hes a gamer boy depicted as he really is and not what he thinks he is: a fucking loser who fails at every social situation and also stinks

aside from the jokes, i think he has two main songs in the whole series: toumei answer and lost time memory. im just gonna share lyrics from each song that makes me go INSANE thinking about him:

"The alarm that starts ringing/Says to my lonely self: you're a coldhearted fool" <- his guilt here is delicious to me like he blames himself for her death and yes he did act shitty and he abandoned her but he didnt do it out of malice he did it bc he didnt know how to approach her but he thinks he killed her and its also killing him OUGH

"The color of your hair/The shape of your smile/Someone might have already forgotten it" <- and then HES the one who forgets everything about ayano bc of the trauma like here he laments that her absence that has already changed his entire world might be this insignificant to someone else AND YET AND YET HIS MIND LOCKS HER OUT ITS JUST. OUGH

(NOT TO MENTION HIS FACIAL EXPRESSION WHEN HE SEES THE FLOWERS WHEN HE REALIZES WHEN HE SEES THE PAPER CRANE)

(get ready for lost time memory brainrot bc that kills me every fucking time its my fav song)

"Even after years, the shadow doesn't fade/It only invites more emotions." <- he doesnt remember but the absence is heavy on his mind it KILLS me

"If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward/I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead." <- self destructive EVEN in the good route where hes not as suicidal like being self deprecating is a huge part of his brain

"Feeling hazy, let's remain unaffected today too/And keep up yesterday's pace/So that I won't ever forget your warmth/If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then/I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from" <- GOING INSANE GOING FERAL hes SO FULL OF REGRET and hes SUCH A STUPID BITCH that his solution is to stay in his own head and live in his dreams (literally) like i want to hug him and i want to slap him

"A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again/While clinging on to your colorful smile" <- just imagining how route X shintaro is often colored with black and dull colors bc his world has lost the color OUGH

(god just. the ending part where he desperately reaches out to clutch ayano vs him moving on from the tragedy and the proud and tearful smile of ayano just HNNGGH HE REALLY GREW DIDNT HE)

(and who cant relate to wanting to change things bc u lost ur chance before but u cant change anything so u just disappear into ur head trying to either comfort urself by daydreaming or trying to find other stuff, try to forget ur will and wallow in passivity, its just so *chefs kiss*)

i get it hes not a very likable person and he does act shitty and bratty and the anime really doesnt give him the floor to change BUT!!! give him a chance and he WILL become ur poor little meow meow. guaranteed.

reply under read more cuz this should be its own post!! and also all i gotta say is YESSSS YEEEES YESSSSS shintaro is. such a good character and i also wanna cry my eyes out with EVERYTHING abt lost time memory.

he's just a stupid guy and the thing abt shintaro is that he will ALWAYS do what's right. he has a very strong sense of justice and he's very clear on his principles. and he will always speak up for others and stand up for what he thinks is right. and this like... a HILARIOUS virtue for a character who is ALSO so awkward, difficult to approach, bratty and self centered. like that's so funny.he is such a special little guy and HE IS AWESOME

he's so cringe fail and an asshole but he's also the hero and deserves praise for it. like cry about it. he is a good guy but he's also the worst. but also he's the best. hope that helps

he and ayano are such character foils... like.... both have this strong sense of justice and they're really really REALLY the damn heroes. hold on i need to cry a little

[jacksgreysays]

Hey, guess who's got a pair of songs for you? I heard "Cant Stand the Rain" by The Rescues ages ago, and just recently heard "Rain" by grandson & Jessie Reyez. The moment song 2 hit my ears I was like, "These have to be smashed together, somehow." And since I once sent you that prompt for "Thunder and Lightning" and "Thunder", I thought of you. <3

!!!!! <3<3<3<3 Hello, loveelemental!

Okay, after checking out these songs and their lyrics, I just want to say that none of the following is a value judgement—I do like both of these songs that you’ve brought to me—but the POV/personalities of these songs are VERY… hm…

You’ve brought to me two songs that are in a dialogue with each other and, on the surface, could appear to be in opposition with each other. BUT, I do think they’re both rather… cynical in a sense, so they’re not truly opposite ends of a spectrum.

Because, okay, Can’t Stand the Rain is very cynical, post-relationship, everything is bad and I hate it and why should I do anything to change it? “My blackened heart,” “I’d empty [the pots and pans filling with rainwater] out but why?” even the repeating “Love, no such thing as love,” FEELS very “I just got broken up with and I’m going to wallow in my own sadness” not even necessarily “I miss/still love the person I broke up with” but a very selfish, cynical “the world sucks so now I’m going to be miserable.”

Which is certainly one way to handle a break up.

Another way is in Rain, the difference most embodied by “I don’t mind the rain sometimes.” Emphasis on the SOMETIMES. And while the person in this song is slightly less cynical—in that crying/rain is what makes roses bloom and that “it’s better to have loved and lost…” although it doesn’t include the rest of the saying which IS IMPORTANT “than to never have loved at all.”

This person ALSO is wallowing in their own sadness post-relationship but almost… reveling in it? Very emo. A+ They’re literally “making peace with the rain” and “dancing with the pain,” and turning the break up/end of the relationship into a learning opportunity of sorts? It’s not AS cynical but it IS as selfish… or maybe self-centered…

I think what I’m trying to articulate is that both of these songs represent people who are HURT by a break up/end of a relationship, but not necessarily HEARTBROKEN if that clarifies anything at all… Because there’s no YEARNING either for their former partners or even for the relationship itself. It’s just… here is the new normal, how do I react to it.

Now to step away from song analysis, into potential fic writing.

Immediately I can think of two ways to go with this:

The two POVs of the songs are the two people in the relationship that ended and this is how each of them deal with it. Or,

This is the same person after some time has passed.

I’ll be honest, both of them are kind of funny.

Because with (1) it just really shows how, probably, it was the best for the relationship to end considering how selfish the lyrics are on both sides. Rain is slightly more romantic in the sense that it’s “because of this break up I can grow as a person” but it’s still pretty selfish, lol. Like… both of them are stewing in their own misery and meanwhile their respective friend groups (if they have them) are just like, “Oh thank god, they’ve broken up.”

With (2) the less time passing, the funnier it gets. Going from Can’t Stand the Rain into Rain after a week is funny, but after a day? That’s hilarious… I guess you can go in the other direction and it would also be funny—Rain into Can’t Stand the Rain, that is—but regardless the shorter the time jump the better.

I suppose there is option 3) in which these are two people who were in two different relationships and then the fic could be about them learning to be less selfish in love with each other? Or maybe being in love with someone who is as selfish as you and being okay with it? I don’t know.

… I’m trying to think if there’s a pairing for (1) or a character for (2) that would work but I don’t really do comedy, much less this anti-romantic comedy, so the I don’t know if my go to characters really match the genre. Although there is something to be said about how my reluctance to cast anyone into these roles speaks more about me wanting my characters to not be this kind of selfish/self-centered which isn’t accurate to real life. I should probably have more selfish/self-centered character to play around with. Or, rather, I should realize that some of the characters I write DO have the capacity to be this way, I have just been softening/glorifying them without exploring their full personalities.

Then again, I also don’t really write relationships as the main focus? Like, even my shipping fic is more of a method to explore various AUs or themes that aren’t necessarily romance based. Even Dreaming of S(omething,) my ShikakoxGaara series, and which I consider to have some of my most romantic writing in it, is more about how home can change from one place to another, or to a person. How a different environment can reveal as much about yourself as it does the new place you’re in. Even Dreaming of S(elfishness) doesn’t even have them being that selfish and has less to do with jealousy over an engagement and more about, like, establishing clearly what you want rather than just letting something passively come to you and passively watch it go.

Although… while I don’t write much in the (anti-) romantic genre that often, I do LOVE reading about, hm, estranged exes reuniting and having to hash out the mistakes from their past and bittersweetly getting closure before maybe giving the relationship another chance or starting a new relationship knowing the follies of their younger selves. But these songs feel freshly out of the relationship, whereas my preference for estranged exes reuniting usually has the benefit of years (if not decades, I do love when it’s like… ex high school sweethearts meeting up as full grown adults) in between the break up and the reunion.

If these songs are the initial response to the break up and part of the aforementioned youthful follies, then… okay. So I’m still kind of in Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint headspace, and while I MOST love Yoo Joonghyuk x Kim Dokja estranged high school exes reuniting, the dichotomy of these two songs FEELS more like what Han Sooyoung and Yoo Sangah would throw at each other in a fight.

Like, Can’t Stand the Rain feels like Han Sooyoung’s response to the break up—an almost destructive, heedless misery—whereas Rain would represent Yoo Sangah’s external perfection versus her internal flaws. Like the argument would contain:

YSA: At least I didn’t go around making my misery everyone else’s problem. HSY: Oh, as if you’re any better Miss Every Experience Is A Learning Opportunity, bullshit!

Like, I don’t know the whole argument, but that’s the vibe I’m feeling…

Surely there’s another couple that embodies this dynamic in my usual fandoms, but I am STRUGGLING to think of them for now…

And then, unfortunately, as I was writing this, I realized (2) was pretty much just 500 Days of Summer so… ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Probably not what you were looking for, loveelemental, but I appreciate you reaching out :D

[beezonia]

Bad idea right?

An adrienette drabble -

Everyone is aged up in this au (20s specifically) and there’s mentions of alcohol and smoking if you’re not into that stuff.

Marinette had already worked up a sweat, the festival hadn’t even started yet. But she couldn’t help it, after all she was prone to being an absolute mess when it came to stuff like this.

Like the whole festival thing most certainly wasn’t her scene (more Nino’s) but when Alya had told her she accidentally purchased an extra ticket, how could Marinette refuse.

So here they were, setting up the tents just in the outskirts of where the main stages were. Eager to hammer the pins, and get themselves a drink to loosen up for the weekend ahead.

“It’s cool you decided to join us Marinette! Alya told me festival’s aren’t you’re thing but I hope you can enjoy it nevertheless!”

That’s Nino, the young adult sits in front of her on a small box like seat.

He hands her a can of some beer she doesn’t remember the name of, before leaning back to fall into the picnic blanket outside his and Alya’s tent.

“Nahh, it’s fine. I needed to get out of the house anyway I’ve been in this huge slump.”

The man in front of her smiles weakly.

Nino knows what she means with her “slump” (full blockage with designs and her desire to create)

This festival gave Marinette the chance to find some sort of inspiration to fuel her creative juices once more!

So the blue haired twenty something year old cracks open the can and takes a huge gulp.

Nothing alcohol couldn’t fix, especially her damn freaking blues.

She hears Nino cheer in the background, oh yeah this was going to be absolutely awesome!

————-

Their friend Luka and his sister Juleka meet them by the Orion Stage (they’d be performing there later on that night)

He gives Marinette a huge hug, they hadn’t seen each other in a long time. His streaks are a mix of his usual blue with a bit of purple.

“That’s cause I lost a bet to Jules, she wanted to test her dying skills and I ended up being the subject!”

She hears Juleka laugh at her brothers dismay. Wrapping an arm around him before trying to reach his bed head to ruffle it.

“Well it’s your fault that your shit at mini golf then!”

Marinette watches the siblings with a smile and they fall into a smooth conversation about the set list for tonight.

But then the conversation falls onto the topic of her ex, Adrien, who Juleka heard is coming to the festival for his friends band.

“Yeah, I heard their band is pretty good, supposed to be performing on the main stage!”

Ahh. At least Marinette knew where to avoid going now, thanks jules.

“Cool, so where do you recommend going? You’ve both been here plenty of times.”

Juleka smirks, taking Marinette’s hands and dragging her to the several stalls and bars they can find.

————

And in what seems like a few minutes, but is probably hours, a large group is sat outside one of the larger tents in the field.

Blasting out some of the more recent singles from artists that are playing, along with some classics.

Marinette is leaning on Rose’s shoulder, singing along to the lyrics of what seems to be an Olivia Rodrigo song.

Everyone seems so happy, Alya and Nino are off snogging in the corner.

Luka is somewhere with someone having what seems to be a hilarious chat.

Someone’s smoking and there are so many beer bottles littered around the place, but she really couldn’t care less, it’s just the lyrics stand out to her.

Specifically “Yes I know that he’s my ex but can’t two people reconnect”

It gets the young adult thinking about how she and Adrien had ended things on a sour note, and how Marinette oh so desperately wanted to get him back.

She missed him terribly and god it hurt to know he was living without her.

Even if it was a really really bad idea. Marinette was going to find him.

But it’s gets her on her feet, legging it through the crowds and drunkards, she’s also one of them, but Marinette is desperate to find him.

And she finds him there, at the bar looking somewhat sad. Marinette doesn’t want to pry, but god when she looks at him her brain just goes blank.

“This is a bad idea, right?”

The woman mumbles it to no particular person. But she knows she’s gonna regret not listening to herself in the morning.

But there Adrien is in all his glory and Marinette is drunk as fuck, so really, fuck it it’s fine.

Yes she knows that he’s her ex, but can’t two people reconnect?

———-

This is literally a bunch of gibberish but I hope you guys enjoy it nevertheless!

[breitzbachbea]

God I love enemies and I love hatred Blease Blease tell me about the hatred I’m beghing on me knees

Oh, where to START. Charlie and Robert have their own playlist, which I should remake on youtube so that I can share it. Big fan of "Hated You from Hello" by Downplay and "You're Going Down" by Sick Puppies being both sided, "Know It All" by Fivefold is so, so good for when Robert gets his revenge for Sicily in a later story and in turn "Thank You for Hating Me" by Citizen Soldier is a great Charlie song once he has had enough. Those aren't all songs on the playlist, just a little overview.

So yeah, these two and just how deep and visceral the hatred of each other runs is very important to me. Started with the homophobia, but even when Robert gets better, Charlie just ... still thinks he is the most annoying person on the planet. And Charlie in turn is never going to let Robert forget what he did to him, because if he has to live with the trauma, so has Robert.

However, the English are very good at making enemies and Robert in particular manages to be unpopular. Literally nothing funnier in the world than a good old Tarielle/Railey love triangle where Tahir is incidental. This isn't about him, this is about Robert and Arielle not wanting to share air to breathe. Read my latest drabble and see it in action. Or this Lego thing I wrote - Hugo isn't very in character, but the Robert and Arielle bitching is just. on point.

OH MY GOD, SPEAKING OF HUGO. LEMME JUST. I think those drawings by @c0ffinated speak for themselves. Very sad I cannot share the nsfw ones that make the point in the best way.

(First one is Hugo eating Alois' protein snacks in the middle of the night after a one-night stand. One night stand number 238493. And the fourth one is the Live German Reaction to the third one, because that's Katta and Selim. Katta says "This is such a shitfest here, I love it" and Selim "Got something of Asi-Tv" (<- slang for German reality TV. Think TLC kind of stuff). )

Alois is being an asshole about Hugo's weight, Hugo is being an asshole about Alois' lost legs, it's a good look on neither of them, somehow they still end up fucking all the time. I don't get it. Neither does Massoud, the poor soul in the second picture trying to help with Alois' leg. Leo thinks this shit is hilarious, like the Germans, Nathan (aph switzerland) doesn't have much of an opinion, Hugo tries to behave in front of Lilli, but oh my god, these two are driving Roderich nuts. He can handle Hugo on his own, but as soon as Alois is also in the picture .... it goes against all of his sensibilites. PLEASE read this Hugois One Shot, I am so proud of this one, it encapsulates all that is wrong with them so well. Also, if God wants it, I will actually get to write another one shot where Hugo is REALLY nasty. Has a breakfast brawl at the end. It's gonna be so good once it's done.

Okay, but to circle back to Robert, another petty feud he has with @swabianmapley's OC Siggy, who is one of the Icelanders. It's not really as intense, because it's for ... incredibly dumb and petty reasons and the Icelanders aren't high on the English priority list, but it deserves a mention. As do another two of Jani's OCs, the former right hand of Emil's dad, Rúnar, who did a runner when the old man wandered off into the ice, never to be seen again. But before that even he dated one of the Icelandic subordinates, Þóra, and they had an incredibly poor breakup. Hates his guts even before he left them all hanging and god knows, Leifur's other right hand Alex now has more than a few good reasons to throw him into a volcano if he ever showed up again, but Þóra would strangle the motherfucker on the spot if he showed his face in Iceland again. Also, while we are at the Icelanders - Leifur, Emil's dad, and Ansgar, Lukas' dad, never really got along. Business partners, yes, but also business enemies, never really being cool with one another. And then the sister of Leifur's wife moved to Oslo and his wife asked Leifur if he couldn't help her find work. So he asked Ansgar for a favour and whoops, they got married and now they are brothers in law. Whoops.

Okay, last Robert one, but since the Spaniards and the English also have bad blood (and Arthur is SO smug about it while Antonio is so passionate about kicking his face in), Robert and Diego don't get along. Robert usually is more eager about the fights because he's an adhd hothead like that, but only because Diego is a soldier doesn't mean he want to punch out his teeth any less. "Friends" by Sixlights is a great song - the chorus for them in general and the verses for the fucked up AU version where they dated and had a bad breakup.

On the bigger playing field, where there also little animosities nestled into the bigger ones like matryoshka dolls - The Empires of course don't get along. The English have beef with the Russians and Spaniards, the Spaniards are pissed with the Turks and vice versa, while the Turks also can't stand the Russians. Also - the Austrians and the Turks. Not sure where I stand on the Austrians and the Russians yet. But yeah, love the idea that Charlie and Harry have a conversation on a big event whether or not "their Kurdish friend" (Dilan) just doesn't like blondes, because she's bitching with Salomé (who, much like Francesco however, thinks personal grudges are uninteresting and also is the horniest lesbian on the planet who wishes Dilan wasn't straight), Alois, Robert and Viktoriya. Their convo also includes "Okay, but she gets along with the Dutch lass." "She's no natural blonde though." "Neither is Salomé." "... point taken."

Oh yeah, while we are at the Dutch: It's not an ACTIVE beef, they aren't really out here hating each other on a deep personal level, but both Nathan and Gavin resent the other AND that rotten Dutchman for all the money they are sitting on. Nathan and Gavin do a lot of banking and related illegal stuff, so they are direct competition. Tim doesn't care about either of their bs, he'd do business with them if the price was right. But, quote from an RP I had with Jani, by Tim about Gavin: "Some people like holding grudges more than they like making money."

Who else is there ... I mean, I absolutely love a good ScotFruk tug of war. Gavin and Arthur inheriting the nemesis relationships from their fathers, each of them want power and influence on the isles and then Arthur happens to on-off date Gavin's ex-boyfriend. And the Scot just can't help, even if he is not actively in love with someone anymore, he will always love all his sweethearts. Besides, the French are friends! François is a friend! And he deserves better than this cruel and petty Englishman! Meanwhile, Arthur is a jealous little bitch who can't properly express his love for Fran, but also can't stand the thought that the Scot puts his finger not only on his sphere on influence but the one man he loves. Bitchfest supreme.

Speaking of that, I have a note in my notebook for the next chapter of IP I will edit that says "Can anyone ask more about Lovi so that Michele can call him bitch boy unlimited". The fact that Michele hates Francesco, too, out of a mix of jealousy over not being the biggest siren in the room if Franci is there and because he doesn't buy his friendly shtick, plus he's afraid that Francesco could see behind his mask. But we are here for Lovi and Michele, which is a very ironic hate. In the hetaverse at least they are united in their mutual dislike for Feli and all the other Northerners. but in LFLS, Feli falls a bit to the wayside (though Michele has not much respect or love for him either) and it's all about these two. I think, aside from the fact that they also inherited a generational enmity, Lovino feels entitled to the land Michele is sitting on and Michele is fiercely protective of his independence ... aside from all that, they are too close for comfort. They see in each other who they could be, maybe all they should be but aren't, maybe all the sides of themselves they like the least.

... Yeah! I think that's a good start! :)

[martadelareina]

Hi if i may join this sharing braincell experience over here!

First of all your post about serving looks thank you i feel validated finally i was watching ep with my fella that i got into the series and needed to stop every time scene changed cause how can this woman look so good each time no matter the situation it's insulting good for Mon tho but she did shortcircuit my brain this entire time.

Second that anon who talked about needing a heart to have heart disease preach both of you cause we all knew that's where they will go one way or another but seriously this isn't what Song died for. At the end fuck both grandmother and kirk even more the fact they made him being the one who set her straight not to mention the fact as you said so yourself both of them woken up after months just when wedding was around the corner, good for Sam so she didn't lost loved one at the end of the day but fuck the redemption arcs. The trio that adopted Mon + the baby later on is just insert Lady Gaga meme here everything we didn't knew we needed, deserved and more. So invested in lesbian drama that her baby almost fell out not to mention being ready to teach them step by step if heavenly water won't work you won't be able to find it anywhere else she is just THE CHARACTER. Poor Tee taking punches left and right we will never forget your sacrifice but at least she got Yuki to make it all better when she isn't busy giving lesbianism 101. Kade not being able to be there 90% of the time just hits different.

Last but not the least about if her parents knew i was laughing my ass off when she was saying goodbye before going to airport because we never got how they found out it really makes it into hilarious picture like oh your boss so nice came to make up with you but shouldn't they be concerned she makes her overwork so she stays over day after day not to mention all the tears in span of all this and at the end ship that saved us all just comes to the house like guess what we getting married and on that note so just you know we dated along the way sorry for late notice, poor Singha almost got scarred with what could have happened in That Scene.

That was a wild ride ain't it happy ep 12 for everyone we got there cheers!

yes yes and yes! like i have little to no complaints about this little show it gave me more in 12 episodes than ive gotten from wlw media in umm, ever? but grandmother needing that final push from kirk was a big bummer. like you’re telling me first of all, song dying because you’re homophobic didn’t do it? getting absolutely fucking eviscerated by our lord and savior khun neung didn’t do it? seeing sam fainting at the dinner table and crying alone every night didn’t do it? but little fucking worm on a skateboard kirk makes it click? get out of here. grandmother was very right when she said the best thing she could do for sam was die.

and god That Scene. it is so funny to me that they were so nervous to fuck because they had basically been doing it for 3 entire episodes. im gonna miss them so much they’re so stupid but now they’re married and get to continue to be stupid together forever and that is so beautiful

[dailyaoyagi]

Deep breath (I copy pasted this from Reddit)

It completely fumbles a plot line with over a year of build up. For one thing the way Taiga reveals how Nagi dies is hilariously bad and that’s not even getting into how bad his earth shatteringly good song” sounds. It kinda reminds me of the scene in P5 where Sae tells Makoto that her principal died right after she brought souvenirs from Hawaii home. Then we have how much focus the NPCs get and how much screen time they steal from An. This is the most important event to An’s character by far why are these literal nobodies getting a ton of focus? She should be the top priority. I really hate how An’s emotions are used as both torture porn to angst the unit and the rest of the NPCs and how she isn’t even give a proper moment to mourn because god forbid we show nuance here. Both Akito and Toya are weirdly OOC as well, like there’s no way Akito would just sit back and let Taiga insult An that way and they decide to completely retcon Toya’s motivation for quitting classical music by going “oh he was just sad he’s not as good as his dad”. He was worried about not meeting their expectations and not being able to play like him yes but the way LUTF makes it seem like he just quit because he wasn’t on his level really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

It also makes other events worse in hindsight. The A Wedding Event, Vivid Old Tale and Kick It Up a Notch all take a massive blow when you remember how poorly they executed what they set up in all of those events. That’s not something that should ever happen with any event. It’s just baffling to me how they dropped the ball that hard on nearly every level. Maybe part of it had to do with the fact that my family had lost someone around the time when it first came out but I'll always despise how the writers treated An's grief and how they forced her to share such an important event with the NPCs. I have no idea how this is supposed to be the team behind Footprints, the First Concerto and Saying Goodbye to My Masked Self did they even care about An here? It gets even worse when you compare how An's grief was handled to how Emu and Kanade's grief were handled like how is this the same team? I'm not sure how to end this but this is why I despise LUTF with every fiber of my being, An sweetie I'm so sorry they'd do this to you.

Best of luck to everyone pulling for LUTF Toya!

Also a heads up: don’t expect anything else LUTF related here. It’s my most hated event in the game by a landslide so I’d rather not go through it again (once was painful enough).

[taking-thyme]

The Gaang with a Modern Reader from Our World (Non-Bender)

@lady-latte, @moony-artnstuff, @beenovel My first Avatar imagine!!

Aang

He’s so curious about you, and wants to know everything

Constantly asks questions about how life worked back home, what it was like, the people you knew, etc.

He’s also very protective over you, since you don’t even have any weapon training

Aang’s really scared something will happen to you

You’d probably catch him trying to look through your stuff and try on your modern clothes

Seeing Aang in a t-shirt would be so weird

If you brought along a CD player or anything that can play songs, he’d constantly be asking to listen to them

Just don’t play anything perverse,,, this poor boy can’t handle it

Katara

She’s so determined to help you

After all, you just kinda,,, fell from the sky, dressed in weird clothes with no idea where you are

And you can’t bend anything!

Katara would be so protective over you

Especially once she starts to love you

And she’s easily the most helpful at explaining things and how their world works

Also for helping you overcome being homesick

She’s great at comforting you, and really eager to listen to you when you talk about home

She compliments you a lot, and likes how unconventional you are

It’s an amusing breath of fresh air for her

How could she not fall in love?

Sokka

Sokka would be pretty wary of you at first

But he’d warm up really quickly

Out of everyone, his humor is the most similar to yours

Making you a deadly duo

Constantly sharing stupid jokes and goofing off together

He’d also really want to train you, since there’s not much danger where you’re from

Would 1000% wear your patterned button-ups and graphic t-shirts

Ends up asking a lot of questions about where you’re from, especially when he starts to catch feelings for you

Really protective, just like the rest of them

They all love you, so your safety is one of their top priorities

Toph

She was probably the first one to find you because she could feel your footsteps when you’re lost

Surprisingly takes to you quite well

Probably because you’re also unconventional for their world

Plus you’re humor is hilarious to her

If you swear a lot, she’d like you even more (much to Aang and Katara’s dismay)

If you show her Rock Music, she’d instantly fall in love

With both it and you

Toph insists the rock music helps her fight better

Occasionally asks what your life was like back home, but not too often

All she knows is that you’re here and she likes you

Zuko

Really nervous around you at first, and pretty jumpy too

It takes awhile for him to trust people, and you’re unlike anything he’s ever seen

But even after he warms up to you, he’s still really nervous

He doesn’t know if there’s any social etiquette from your world that he might mess up and accidentally offend you

Somebody help this boy, he’s too awkward

And unbeknownst to him there is no etiquette whatsoever 🙄

But he’s also very intent on keeping you safe and happy

Secretly also really likes your fashion, he finds it hot

May occasionally hug your or comfort you when you’re sad or homesick

Though he’s pretty bad at it, but god bless him he’s trying

The others tease him for his obvious crush

Because he always acts differently around you

Suki

Really suspicious of you at first, but warms up after seeing you’re harmless

But that also makes her worried for you

She’d spend most of her time training you

May even ask you to become a Kyoshi Warrior once you get really good at it

Really curious too, but in a quieter way than some of the others

You two hang out together a lot, just enjoying each other’s presence

And she insists on doing tasks for you, no matter how basic

I headcanon her love language as Acts of Service

It’s not hard to tell when she’s crushing on you

[nellie-elizabeth]

What We Do in the Shadows: The Wedding (4x06)

What did I just witness with my own two eyeballs!

Cons:

I... don't really have any? This episode honestly has everything a person could hope for? I feel a little bad, because this was probably my favorite episode of the season thus far, and it's the one that had the least Young Colin Robinson in it, so... there is that.

Pros:

Again I am at risk of this review just being a long list of funny jokes that I enjoyed, but I'll try and give you a sampling of what I liked so much about this episode.

The Baron! Makeovers with the Baron, a shopping montage, the gargoyle, both Nadja and Lazlo sneaking off for some time in the coat closet with him newly restored to his former glory... absolutely hilarious.

The long line of objections at the wedding, including Guillermo managing the line at the mic to ask people to stop checking about validating parking.

Nadja and Lazlo's songs at the reception about the wedding night, and Nandor the Relentless and his habits in the bedroom...

The djinn trying to get Nandor to stop using his wishes on trivial things like closing the coffin lid because he doesn't want to deal with Guillermo coming in to do it.

All of this stuff was making me smile the whole way through, just a joke every minute, each one funny and quippy and smart and ridiculous.

And Marwa! I've got to say, I have been a little let down by how little Marwa has had to do thus far, but now that she's had a little more room to shine, I can say I really like this character. She's a little bit more of a "straight" character to offset the chaos of most of the main cast, but she's also this very determined and strong-willed lady, whose natural kindness and strength of character keep getting interrupted/altered by the wishes that Nandor is using on altering her to suit him. I love the tension there, now that she's married to Nandor, from the things she might actually want as a character, and what she's been made to think she wants. I can't wait to see where they go with her.

And god, speaking of Nandor and this wishes... I lost my whole entire mind when Nandor wished that Marwa would like what Nandor liked, want what he wanted, and then at the wedding we see Marwa hugging Guillermo and hanging all over him, kissing him... do I think this is on purpose? I don't know. Did I notice the hell out of it? I sure did.

And that's just the beginning of all the Nandor/Guillermo moments. The two of them talking about watching movies together on a rainy afternoon, and Guillermo getting more and more stressed with the wedding planning, and then him saying he'll be right there by Nandor's side if he gets scared... Nandor saying "you're my best... man", and then the moment at the end where Nandor covers him up with a cloak as he sleeps? I mean, come on! I just love all of this for the comedic potential. Nandor is married now, he's got three extra wishes that the djinn gifted him as a wedding present, Guillermo's got his boyfriend who we're going to get to meet soon...

I just can't believe the show is gifting us with such a hilarious setup. Guillermo's living his best life and even though Nandor is a newlywed, he is about to be wracked with terrible jealousy and I am thrilled about it all.

So that's it! Bonus points go to the Guide for talking about her brief but intense love for Nandor, and then later Marwa, upon first meeting them. She's living her best life.

9.5/10

[kissesandcream]

a smol sibling.,

w/ xiao, kaeya, & venti

— • request from anon : being the trio’s younger sibling! (separately)

xiao p1 || kaeya p1 || gn ! sibling ! reader || headcanon format || 1.5k words

; masterlist.,

; a / n - i’ve done xiao and kaeya before, but i had some more ideas so i’m making some more! links above if you’d like to read the others <3

xiao .,

• the other hcs i made for him where general, but here anon specified a younger sibling, so i’ll do that!

• he’s that sibling who’ll pretend ur the most annoying thing on the planet but would do anything for u so much as you ask

• “xiao when u come back could i have some glaze lilies” “get them yourself im the vigilant yaksha not a flower picker🙄” mhm then why did u literally wipe out qingce village’s flower population hm xiao 🤨

• teaches u how to fight!! but he’s not teaching he’s “helping you discover things yourself so you can be a functional person”

• it takes way too much effort to get this man to admit he loves you but you know it as much as he does so it’s okay <3

• cloud retainer has so much dirt on him it’s crazy. if you ever need some blackmail material head over to hers. also you can find some embarassing pictures she’s got a heckton

• verr goldet takes care of u a lot too, xiao’s a great brother and all but he lacks in this department called self care

• idk if you’re mortal or adeptus or half adeptus but if you need to eat and do basic body functions he does not got u covered

• mans would try to raise u on almond tofu until verr goldet bought out a food pyramid and explained about these things called nutrients 

• he also doesn’t understand how important sleep is so,,, “xiao i’m gonna stay up” “yeah sure whatever” passing out two days later “y/N WHAT’S WRONG-”

• yeah verr goldet and the innkeeper guy give him a guide to basic survival talk and all through it he’s glaring at you like why did you never tell me you needed human things to live >:( 

• now that he knows you need sleep, he makes u sleep at 8 pm every night like a grandpa!! good luck trying to get him to stop!!

• are these getting too guardian-like and less sibling-like??? 😭 but that’s the vibes he gives yk!! ur over protective adeptus parent-brother who has no clue how u work but wants to try to understand a little

• in the game u can tell how much more open he gets wit the traveller as friendship levels progress, and if you’ve maxed it out he’d basically do anything for you and would want you to trouble him than yourself

• and he’ll probably be closer with you than he’ll ever be with traveller since you’re siblings and whatnot, so it would make sense that he looks out for you more than your typical older brother yk

• plays the flute for you!! if he hears u humming a tune under your breath he’ll find it and learn it to play for u 

• he may not fully understand how relationships work but he’s trying his best for u <3

 kaeya .,

• my other kaeya hcs were in relation to you being close / living with diluc, but these will be more general and central towards kaeya!

• kaeya fits literally every older brother trope that exists. the brother who’s always got ur back? you got it. the brother who keeps secrets you don’t know about from you? heck yeah. the annoying brother who makes u do his chores for him? maybe a little too much.

• pls he (lovingly) shoves all of his small tasks onto u it’s infuriating but you can’t even say no bc then he gets all dramatic 

• “y/n 😩 you’re abandonning your dear brother like this 😩 how could you 😩 i didn’t know you were so cruel 😩” sir shut up <3

• since he’s a people person everyone knows u very well too, heck all the senior citizens probably voted u as second best in law after him or smth idk man 

• hanging out with best boy bennett!! he canonically sees kaeya as an older brother too so y’all def go on little adventures together <3

• ur one of the only people who have ever looked under his eyepatch, diluc and crepus being the only other two

• sometimes he forgets to take it off when he goes to bed and it leaves a bruise bc it’s pretty tight, so he let’s you change it for him 

• “i can do this myself, you know” well he can but you both know he likes it better when you’re there

• does not allow your closet to be anything less than exquisite, you’ve got a bunch of scarfs like his whether you like it for not

• makes u buy his wine from diluc for him bc every time he goes to the tavern diluc raises the price tenfold just for him

• he’s that sibling who will rile you up on purpose just for the fun of it. i have a cousin who used to do that when he was younger and it was annoying but he still adores me sm so i don’t mind <3

• besides even if he does get on ur nerves amber’s got ur back- you can rant to her about him for hours on end and she’ll add with her experiences with kaeya’s bullying

• what are siblings if not for sibling rivalry, yes he picks on u constantly but he also picks u up when you’re feeling low <3

venti .,

• oh my gods he would be sO FUN

• the two of you are the bane of diluc’s existence, venti loops u into his winery pilfering plans a lot 

• venti pulls the archon card if the two of you get caught by him idk what excuse you’ve got but it better be good 😭

• no way the god of wind and song’s sibling doesn’t love music- even if you’re tone deaf, or hard of hearing, music is about the pleasure it brings and he’ll bring it to you

• you guys go wind gliding a lot of the time too!! y’all don’t even need gliders you’ve got the power of anemo 😎

• he’s that cool brother who’s only rule is that you do whatever you want to do, life is too short for regrets so live in the moment and be spontaneous!

• even though he’s older he seems much younger than you at heart 😭 will wine if you don’t do something for him it’s hilarious

• you’ve got other things to do and he’s just “but hanging out!!!” and ur like “but work!!!” 

• it’s very hard to be productive with him around, he will distract u with something as mundane as an apple- it’s not his fault tho bb just has a poor attention span 😭 

• he’s very clingy, if you’re together he’ll link your elbows like everyone did in sixth grade, and in turn u can kick him in the kneecaps when he does stupid things

• he’s the ceo of stupid things so u get to kick him a lot, it’s a mutal symbiotic relationship we love to see it <33

• my brain is dead and i can’t english rn but. his vibes yk he’s so fun to be around, he gives out surprisingly killer advice too

• i have this man’s teapot lines plastered on my wall bc they help me deal with stuff, so if you’re ever down you can always, always, always go to him and he’ll have the exact things to say

• if it’s words, he has them, if it’s silence you need he’ll lend you his shoulder; but there was never an instance he doesn’t leave you better than before

• you haven’t seen his archon side a lot, since he doesn’t show it all that much, but it’s so far from venti it’s a little scary; but in a sort of admiring way yk

• you guys visit zhongli sometimes, and it’s a free real estate for blackmail material bc of how terrified venti is of him

• zhongli is like that long lost uncle who visits once a year, and you’re his favorite child so he gives you candy and picks on venti for not taking good enough care of you

• “i’m their sibling not their parent” “you’re older have some responsibility >:(”

• if you ever get drunk he will hear about it and will come all the way from liyue to i will have order venti’s head, regardless of whether he was the cause of you being drunk or not

• that about wraps it up! im sure i could think of more but my brain is sorta dead rn so this will have to suffice 😭 i can’t think of a closing statement sO i hope u enjoyed!! bye bye!! <3

[lacrimosathedark]

1: If you noticed, I did say that RadioApple shippers on the whole DON'T think the ship is likely. They're just having fun. Liking a ship doesn't mean you want it to be canon. Also, multishippers exist. A good number of RadioApple shippers are also RadioStatic shippers. As for the broken friendship, I feel the need to ask, have you ever had someone you trust and care for deeply betray you? Break your heart? Abandon you? To the point where you act like you hate them more than anything? Because those are deep wounds that often don't heal, and certainly don't heal cleanly. And that's just in general, ignoring the fact that both Vox and Alastor are self-righteous self-absorbed pompous pricks with their own agendas, neither of whom are willing to give an inch or apologize. They are both IN HELL and FOR A REASON. People can't be forced to heal. They have to be willing, and neither of these two are. So I think it's fair to think that relationship is unlikely to mend. Especially since the Vees are going to be the villains of the next season.

2: Lucifer IS special in the regard of getting Alastor to swear openly. Not unique, but special. The canonicity of those comics is in question, even moreso than the pilot. But even if it were 100% canon, that is still Alastor cursing under his breath, not with people able to hear him, unlike with Lucifer and even Adam

But even swearing at Adam, this is Alastor "letting loose" rather than "losing control" as Lucifer seemed to draw out of him. Alastor mumbling under his breath at Vox is more like this cursing

which is mostly without his filter and quiet. Again, to himself. If you notice when he has that single moment of anger when he sees Vox going off about him, no one is looking at him, not even the eyes in the walls. He's angry, yes, but he is in control, which was my point. Alastor is a very controlled person, and the only person he has entirely unwillingly and openly lost that control to is Lucifer.

3: Vox, on the whole, isn't pathetic. He's incredibly powerful. He's got all of Pentagram City, probably much of Pride, and maybe even some of the other Rings under his thumb. He's basically a tech god. In general, he's calculating, calm, and collected. He's entirely unfazed when Val throws a temper tantrum and nearly hits him with a glass and breaks his phone. He only momentarily loses his control when Val isn't listening to him, but smooths back over almost immediately, sweet-talking as anything.

But Vox IS also pathetic. He's thrown into a spiral at the mere mention that Alastor is back.

Even before Alastor butts into his song, he's anxious.

Then Alastor actually butts in and he loses his shit. Full on panics. He fucking blue screens. He has a temper tantrum big enough to cause a city-wide power outage.

Alastor is the exception to the rule. Alastor MAKES Vox pathetic. and in regard to Alastor he is extremely pathetic. And if a fanwork of any kind is going to be Alastor-centric, it's going to have more of Vox's pathetic side. I also think you might be equating incel and obsessive. Vox isn't an incel--Val is proof enough of that. But he is obsessed, single-minded, and, by every metric, a stalker. Which is also how I see the fandom usually portray him. Alongside pre-friend-breakup him being a sweet smitten kitten. I don't know where this "incel" idea comes from. As for toxic masculinity, I mean...sweetie, they're literally in Hell and his boytoy is a pimp. And even here on Earth, toxic people are frequently powerful and popular. Hell wouldn't be better. If anything, Hell would be WORSE. And again, Vox uses mind control, regularly fucks a pimp who openly abuses, molests, and assaults his most valuable workers, and advertises roofies. Vox IS toxic. There's no getting around that.

I also just wanna say it's not a bad thing to like characters that are genuinely awful people. But also, be real about it, y'know? Vox is hilarious and charming (and apparently sexy???) but he's also a twisted evil manipulative bastard. He's not some secret sweetheart, he's the embodiment of manipulation. And it's okay to like not only despite that but FOR that because it's all for fun!

I don't get how reciprocal RadioApple is seen as more canon or likely than Radiostatic and Radio silence is the only possible thing for VoxAl

Like hello?

I thought of the person who posted about differences in RDST and RDAP with hells greatest dad and stayed gone where vox and Al are put side by side but with a line while Al and Luci are against eachother

Like??? Vox and Al literally have imagery showing that *something* keeps them separated and hating eachother. That thought has a sister thought of "if it wasn't there, they would still be friends."

PEOPLE WHO WERE FRIENDS BEFORE AND IMPLIED TO BE COMPLICATED (meaning likely not just pure hate towards each other. There's still some good thoughts left. And the implication that just something is keeping them distant? That 'line'?) ARE WAY MORE LIKELY THAN (CURRENTLY) ACQUAINTANCES!!!!

*Disclaimer: This doesn't make either ship worse or better. People can play with these dolls however they like.

[electricbarnes]

tell me you still see me

steve rogers x reader

summary: steve has been working a lot lately. you begin to have doubts about your relationship.

↳ songs i listened to for inspiration 

wc: 5.9k | warnings: some angst, overthinking, self-doubt, implied smut 

note: this is a repost from my old account that was deleted. so if it’s familiar, that’s why! i wasn’t planning on reposting but i read it over and decided why not. i have another steve fic that i’m almost done with, so i wanted to post this in the meantime. i made a few minor edits. i hope you like it! and if you decide to reread it, thank you x1000 !!

You arrive at your apartment, hands filled with groceries for the week. You struggle to open the door with the many bags on your arms, but eventually make it inside. You kick off your heels and set the bags down on the kitchen counter. After freeing your hands, you reach into your purse to find your phone. You unlock it and tap on the first name at the top of your recent calls.

The phone rings for a bit before you hear the sound of your boyfriend’s voice saying “Hello”.

“Oh my god Steve, you’re never gonna believe what I saw at the store just now,” you say, thinking of the wild thing you witnessed during your shopping trip. It’s not everyday that you see someone throw themselves into a cereal box display. It was a hilarious sight and you just wanted to tell someone about it.

“So, I was just strolling through the isles looking for some snacks when a-” you’re cut off before getting too into the story.

“Honey, can this wait? I’m about to go into a mission briefing,” Steve says in a hushed tone. Immediately, you feel guilty for interrupting him while he’s busy. It was well into the evening and you had assumed he wouldn’t be working.  

“Oh, uh yeah of course! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything,” you apologize.

“That’s okay,” he reassures you, “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, talk to you later then.”

The phone beeps, indicating the call was over. You sigh and go back to the task of putting your groceries away.

You decide to lounge around the rest of the day, trading your work clothes for some comfy sweats and a tee shirt. You spend the night mindlessly scrolling through social media while reruns of some sitcom play on the tv. You even send Steve a few memes here and there. You’re not really sure if he’ll understand them but they reminded you of him.

After eating a late dinner, you channel surf for a bit before putting on a random movie. When the movie finishes, it’s nearly 11pm and you realize that Steve hasn’t called you back. You pick up your phone, tempted to call him but decide it’s better to wait till tomorrow. He hasn’t replied to your texts, so there’s a chance he’s still busy despite the late hour.

Unfortunately for you, being a superhero is a full time job, which means that Steve can be busy at any moment of any day. You knew this going into a relationship with thee Captain America. To be fair though, you didn’t think you’d actually get to know the super soldier like you do now.  

When you met Steve, he was just some handsome guy at the park who helped you with directions when you were visibly lost. You ended up seeing him at the park again a couple days later. Recognizing you, he stopped and asked if you wanted to get a coffee. Who were you to deny this man?

You spent two hours in a café getting to know each other before exchanging numbers. In hindsight, his vague answers about his career were a little suspicious. It wasn’t until you went home that night and saw a picture of Steve in a tweet captioned “idc that captain america is like 100 yrs old, he can still get it 😍”.

Needless to say, you were shocked. While you were feeling dumb for not recognizing him sooner, you also wondered why he didn’t say anything. After an awkward confrontation about the subject, he explained how he didn’t want you to go out with him just because he was Captain America. You were quick to ease his worries and reassure him that you were interested in Steve for Steve, not for his heroic persona.

Since then, your relationship with Steve has been nothing but amazing. He was always so sweet with you, taking you on simple but romantic dates. There was something about that 40s charm that was so endearing. You loved the small things, like how he would always open the door for you or how he would bring you flowers on each date. It was so easy to talk to him about anything and everything. You felt like he was not only your boyfriend, but also your best friend.

There were times where you wondered why he ever picked you, an average person compared to the super people he’d work with everyday. He could’ve had anyone he wanted. Steve would say that you were like his sanctuary from the hectic world of being an Avenger. It meant a lot to you that you could be that person for him. You thought he deserved some peace after everything he’s been through. He wanted to protect you from the evil that inherently came with the job, which you understood, so he rarely spoke about the missions he’d go on. The less you knew the better. Though sometimes, you would wish he’d open up more about what was going on while he was away. Especially since he would be gone for days on end.

It was only a month into your relationship that you realized how hard it’d be when he would leave to be Captain America. It was his first time leaving for a mission that lasted longer than a day. He had to spend a week in some place on the other side of the world with no way of contacting him. Of course, you were worried the entire time he was gone. Despite trying to distract yourself with work and personal tasks, Steve was always at the forefront of your mind.

You had never felt such relief than the day he called you after a whole week of silence. Steve had even asked you shyly if he could come over that night. You felt butterflies in your stomach when he told you that he needed to see you. It was the first time he had spent the night at your place. Having Steve’s arms wrapped around you the entire night just felt right. You knew as early as then that you loved him.

Over the year that you had been together, those long missions became easier to manage. You’d always trust that he’d come back to you in one piece. Steve would sometimes feel guilty about being away for so long that he’d try to make it up to you by taking you on an extraordinary date. But you always assured him that you were happy to just be with him, even if it was just something like the two of you watching a movie at your place.

Lately, Steve has been more distant with you. You’ve chalked it up to the fact that there’s a literal distance between you two since he’s moved upstate to the newly built Avengers compound. Before, he was just a short drive away from the Avengers tower to your apartment. Now, he’s hours away from you. There were discussions of you moving in with him, but your job was in the city and you couldn’t leave that behind.

You both decided to make the best of the situation, calling and texting whenever possible. FaceTiming was the usual occurrence throughout the week, often before bed. You’d tell him about your day in the office and he’d tell you about the new recruits he would train. On the weekends, he’d stay over at your place. It was rare that you’d stay at the compound. Steve said he’d preferred your apartment, claiming it was homier than the compound. Plus, you’d actually have some privacy.

For a long time, it had been a good system. You love Steve and did anything to make the relationship work because he’s worth it. Yet, you couldn’t help the lonely nights where you wondered if he felt the same.

Calls were less frequent. Texts were unanswered. Weekend plans were cancelled because Steve would be assigned to missions during those days. You’d understand, of course. He’s out there saving people! You can’t fault him for that, but it doesn’t stop you from missing him.

Now, it had been almost two weeks since you’d last seen him in person. You had texted him throughout the day, but texting wasn’t his favorite thing. Texts were usually reserved for quick check-ins and reminders of I love you’s. He preferred calling and you did too, hearing his voice was much better.

After learning that he had been back from a short mission, you texted him.

You: FaceTime later? ☺️

You were eager to see him, even if it was through a screen. You were just hoping he had the time.

Steve ♡: Sure.

Later that night, you sat on your bed with your laptop, opening up FaceTime. After a few rings, Steve’s face appears on the screen. A smile immediately breaks out on your face.

“Hi babe!” you say cheerily, finally getting to see your boyfriend after what felt like forever.

“Hi honey,” he says with a soft smile.

Your smile dims a bit, eyebrows furrowing when you recognize the background. “Are you still in your office?” It was pretty late and you assumed he’d be in bed by now.

“Yeah, I was finishing up on some mission reports,” he explains, shuffling some papers on his desk.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you’d be done by now,” you apologize, recalling the last time you had interrupted him from his work.

“No, no” he waves his hand, “I thought I’d be done by now too, but it’s a lot more than I expected.”

You frown at the thought of your boyfriend overworking himself. You want to ask him about it, but you know he’ll say what he always does when you ask about his missions: It’s classified.

“You’re not stressing yourself out too much, are you Steve?” you ask, concern evident in your voice. Even through the hazy quality of the webcam, you can see the tired look in his eyes.

“Never,” he says with a smirk.

“Somehow, I don’t believe you,” you say with a teasing tone.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about honey,” he reassures you. “Besides, I wanna know what you’ve been up to.”

You scoff, “well, it’s definitely not nearly exciting as your week must’ve been.”

“I still wanna know,” he says with that boyish grin you love.

Steve always knew how to make those butterflies appear. You end up telling him about the incident you witnessed at the store which makes him laugh as he imagines the odd sight. He tells you about a prank Tony pulled on him and Sam and you beg him to send you the recording of it. He refuses, but you know you’ll get your hands on the footage eventually. Things felt normal again, just talking to him.

“So I was mixing the dough and halfway through I realized I completely forgot about the eggs,” you were in the middle of telling him about the new recipe you ended up ruining earlier this week.

Steve hums in response. You notice him looking to the side, not looking at the screen and you hear the sound of typing.

“and then a blue monster broke into my apartment,” you make up in an attempt to get his attention.

“Mhmm”

“and he stole all the cookies,” you continue.

“Hmm”

“Steve,”

Silence.

“Steve,” you say with a little more force.

“Huh?” he finally looks up at the screen.

“You’re not listening to me,” disappointment laces your voice.

“I was,” he quickly defends but you don’t buy it.

“Uh huh,” you cross your arms and lean back against your headboard. “What was I talking about?”

Steve glances elsewhere, not meeting your eyes when he mumbles “something about a party?”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. “yeah, like 10 minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry honey, I was listening, really… but these reports need to be done,” he says with an apologetic look on his face.

You couldn’t stay mad at him, but you did feel hurt that he would pretend to listen rather than just telling you something.

“Okay,” you sigh. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

He must notice the disappointment on your face because he apologizes once more.

“I’ll make it up to you honey,” he promises.

“Are you coming this weekend?” you ask hopefully. He couldn’t come last weekend and you were missing him terribly.

“Of course,” he gives you a tired smile that you return.

“Okay, finish those reports and get some sleep,” you instruct, emphasizing the last part.

“Yes ma’am,” he raises his hand, mock saluting you which makes you giggle.

“Goodnight Stevie, I love you,”

“Love you too sweetheart”

The call ends and you go to bed with a smile on your face.

The rest of the week goes by quickly. You’re excited to get to the weekend because that means you can finally see your boyfriend, in person! Not just behind some screen. It’s been almost three weeks since the last time he came over and you miss his touch.

It was Friday afternoon and you were sitting at a small table in the cafe you frequent, taking a lunch break. Halfway through your break, you got a call from Steve. You were a little surprised to see his picture pop up on your phone since you’re usually the one to call him. Nevertheless, you smiled and answered “Hi babe.”

“Hey honey,” he greets.

“I’m glad you called, I was thinking of picking up a few things from the store after work today. Do you need anything?”

“Uh… about that,” he says in a low voice. Your heart immediately sinks, already knowing what he’s going to say next.

“You’re not coming.” A statement, not a question.

“I’m sorry honey. A mission came up and we leave tonight,” he explains and you almost want to laugh. Of course he’s leaving again.

“How long?” you ask. Maybe it’s just for a day and he can still come on Saturday or even Sunday.

“Two days… maybe three,”

You take a moment to process his words. Part of you saw this coming. It seemed too good to be true that you’d finally have him all to yourself. You glance up, trying to fight the sudden feeling of tears in your eyes. You didn’t want to cry in the middle of a busy café.

“There’s… there isn’t a chance you can skip this one?” you hesitantly ask. Normally, you’d just accept it, but your patience was running thin. This is the second time in a row he’s cancelled on you.

“You know I can’t. This is important,” he says it so sternly, like he doesn’t realize he’s breaking your heart. The missions are always important. More important than you.

“Yeah, but you’ve been working nonstop. I mean, don’t you want a break? Aren’t there others who can go instead?” you argue, voice raising.

“Y/N, I’m going. I have to,” he insists, leaving no room for an argument. You knew how stubborn Steve could be, so you knew he wasn’t going to change his mind on this. Rationally, you knew he probably had no choice in the matter but you took a chance anyways.

“Okay,” you relent.

You can hear Steve sigh before saying, “I’ll make it up to you.”

He’s been saying that a lot lately, but you know they’re empty promises.

“Okay.”

“I love you,” he says much softer than his previous tone.

“Love you too,” you say back, but your heart hurts.

Before you met Steve, sleeping alone wasn’t so bad. Some nights you would be on your phone, scrolling through social media till you eventually got sleepy. Other times, you’d lie in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about your day and mentally planning the next. Too often you found yourself overthinking about something you did, something you wish you could change. Or you would be anxious about something coming up, running through different scenarios of how it’d go. For some reason, your mind wouldn’t let you succumb to the sleep that your body desperately needed. But you were used to it.

Then Steve came along and he’d be there to ease your mind. On the nights he would stay over, sleep came much easier. There would still be nights where your mind kept you awake, but Steve would be lying right next to you. You’d be on his chest, his hand soothingly rubbing your back as you told him about that meeting you were nervous about or how you got in trouble by your boss for a simple mistake. Steve would assure that everything would be okay and you found it easy to believe him.

He always knew when you needed a distraction from your worries, bringing up mundane things like last night’s baseball game or telling you about the modern music he actually started to like. Sometimes, he’d tell you a story from his life in the 40s. Stories like how his friend Bucky would drag him all over town, trying to find a date for the evening. Or about that time he had to star in an action movie when he just started out as Captain America (which you made a mental note to find later on Youtube). You loved hearing about Steve’s old life, curious about what made him into the man you love today.

Sometimes he’d just entertain your wild thoughts, especially when you’re half asleep. Conversations like how different life would be if dinosaurs never went extinct or if flat earth conspiracists were right. You’d be lying with your back to his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist while you mumbled any thoughts that came to mind. He’d listen till he heard your soft snores and he’d give you a gentle kiss on your head before he’d fall asleep too.

Then there would be nights where words would rarely be spoken. A night of soft moans as he took care of your body in ways only he knew how. He’d whisper praises, drawing out moans from you as he hit all the right spots. It was always different and exciting. You never knew what to expect, but he would always be so loving. You’d always stay close, basking in the afterglow.  

After having the comfort of Steve in the night, the times he’s not there feel a lot lonelier than before.

Like now, you’ve got your eyes closed but you’re not sleeping. Your thoughts seem louder than ever and they’re all about Steve. It probably doesn’t help that you decided to wear one of his tee shirts to bed, the faint smell of him making you miss him even more. After he cancelled on you (again) this past weekend, you started to wonder if he even wanted to see you at all.

You want to be mad at him, but how can you be? He’s Captain America! He has a responsibility that he can’t ignore, not even for his girlfriend. Lately, you can’t help but be worried at how many missions he’s been going on. To make matters worse, you’re left in the dark about all of it. He says it’s safer if you don’t know. You just have to trust him and trust that he needs to go.  

But what if he doesn’t actually need to? What if he wants to go so he doesn’t have to see you. Okay, that’s extreme, but it’s a possibility? It seems like he doesn’t even want to talk to you at all sometimes. You’re always the one texting and calling. It’s never really him unless it’s to let you down (again). Maybe you’re just being needy. Were you asking for too much? Are you overreacting? Probably. But it’s normal to be upset about not seeing your boyfriend for weeks, right?

You shake your head, trying to get rid of these thoughts. You pick up your phone from the nightstand. The clock reads 3:12am. You unlock your phone and open your messages to see the last few texts Steve sent.

Steve ♡: I’m sorry.

You: just be safe

             —

Steve ♡: I’m back.

You: okay

Your thumb hovers over the call button for a good bit, contemplating if you want to bother him so late at night. Before you can overthink it, you hit the button. You turn to lay on your side with the phone against your ear, anxiously waiting for the ringing to stop.

“Hello,” Steve answers, voice deep and filled with sleep. You feel guilty for waking him up, but at the same time feel relief at the sound of his voice.

“Hi,” you say shyly. Honestly, you weren’t expecting him to actually pick up. You were prepared to just leave a voicemail.

“Is something wrong?” he mumbles.

“No, no. There’s nothing wrong… I just…” you can feel the heat rising in your face, suddenly embarrassed for some reason. “I just miss you,” you say quietly, not even sure if he’s heard you.

You can hear the shuffling of sheets.

“I miss you too sweetheart,” he says and it warms your heart for a moment, “and as much as I wanna talk right now, I have to be up in a couple hours for a mission.”

“Oh,” the small smile you had on your face quickly disappears. You had no idea he was leaving again even though he just got back the day before.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay hon?” he says tiredly.

You feel a lump in your throat forming but you push past it, “yeah… yeah, of course.”

“Love you,”

“Love you too,” you practically whisper.

The phone call ends and the tears start to slide down your face. You didn’t have the energy to fight them anymore.

The last call you had with Steve a few days ago left you torn between logic and your emotions. You knew he was just tired, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed between you two. In the past, he never seemed to mind talking to you, even in the odd hours of the morning. You always believed that you guys were so in sync. It seemed like he knew when you needed comfort and would be there to provide it.

You would be able to tell when something was off with Steve and though you would always offer to talk about it, he would brush it off. Thinking back to it, maybe he never really opened up to you for a reason.

You began to question if you are more invested in this relationship than he is. It feels wrong to even think so, considering how sweet and caring he is, especially with you. But everyone has their limits, right? Maybe he’s just gotten tired of you. It’s clear that work is his number one priority right now, maybe he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend anymore. He always makes promises of making it up to you another time, but maybe there will never be another time.

The thought of him leaving completely sends a pang of hurt to your heart.

You: can we talk?

You had sent Steve that text what felt like forever ago, but in reality has only been 20 minutes. You had spent that time repeating in your head what you were going to tell him while you paced back and forth around your living room. You were going to ask for a break. You didn’t want to break up with him completely, no, but you thought that this would be better in the long run. You’re hoping a break will give him the space he needs and then you guys can go back to the way you were. You figured it was better to let him focus on being a hero. You didn’t want to become the clingy girlfriend that he’d eventually resent.

You had no idea how he would react. Maybe he would agree. It’ll be tough, but every couple goes through something like this, right? Sure, it’s a special circumstance with you dating an Avenger, but other people have busy partners. You wonder how they manage a relationship when they don’t see each other so often. Maybe you were giving up too easily? But you’re tired of feeling pushed aside, like you aren’t his priority when he’s at the top of your list. You’re tired of feeling guilty for being upset when he can’t come see you. You’re just tired of feeling like you’re losing him.

Just as you start to doubt your whole plan, your ringtone breaks the silence. You pick up your phone with a shaky hand and tap on the answer button.

“Hello,” you say, hoping he doesn’t notice the nervous tone of your voice.

“Hey honey, you wanted to talk?”

“Uh, yeah…” you reply, already struggling to keep your voice even.

“Is everything alright?” he’s concerned and you can imagine the look on his face.

“Yeah…yeah,” you lie, “I uh… I just wanted to talk… about us.”

“Listen honey, I’m sorry about last week but it was really-“ he begins to apologize, but you shake your head, not wanting to hear another excuse.

“It’s more than that Steve,” you interrupt.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” you hesitate, trying to gather your thoughts. “Do you realize it’s almost been a month since we’ve last seen each other?”

There’s a pause before he answers, “…I didn’t know it had been so long.”

“Do you even care?” you ask, voice giving in to the mix of anger and sadness you feel. The tears begin to well up in your eyes.

“Of course I care, you know I do” he defends.

“Do I though?” you question. The rehearsed words you mentally prepared are long gone. “…I’ve been sitting here thinking of what I’m doing wrong because I feel like something’s changed between us.”

“What are you talking about?” he sounds genuinely confused, “Nothing’s changed.”

“Steve… we don’t talk like we used to, I barely get to see you. I miss you all the time.”

“I know I’ve been working a lot lately,“ he acknowledges.

“And I don’t blame you for that,” you clarify.

“I know how important your job is, but… but I’m feeling a little left out here,” your voice cracks at the end. You wipe the few tears that started to fall down your face. “I mean, I feel like I barely know that part of your life. You’re gone most of the time and you never talk to me about it.”

“I can’t, for your safety. We’ve discussed that.”

“Yeah and I thought I could handle it, but you’re giving me nothing here,” you argue. “I wanna be there for you Steve, but it’s hard when you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“I... I can’t. I want to but it’s better if you don’t know,” he says pleadingly. You want to believe him, but you just can’t seem to let this go.

The silence lingers over the phone.

“Maybe we should take a break,” you eventually say with defeat.

“A break?”

“Maybe we just need some time to sort things out. You can focus on your work and when things get better… we can try again.”

“No, no…” he starts to argue, “that’s not fair.”

“Steve, please…” you beg, “just try to see where I’m coming from. I still love you, I always will. I just think we need this.”

He doesn’t say a word, making you anxious.

“Steve-”

You’re cut off by the phone hanging up. You sit in disbelief, letting the weight of the conversation fall on you.

You spent the rest of the night just curled up on the couch. You keep questioning your decision. In your mind, this was the right thing to do, despite the heartbreak you knew you’d be feeling. But you didn’t think it would hurt as much as it does now.

Steve’s reaction made you rethink the idea of a break. You worry that he thinks you don’t love him anymore when it’s the complete opposite. You did this because you love him. You didn’t want to lose him completely, but it looks like you lost him anyways. Maybe, deep down, a part of you was trying to save yourself from the inevitable heartbreak.

The living room was dark, the only light coming from the street lights outside. The tears have stopped flowing, but the headache lingers. It’s almost 2 in the morning and despite being worn out from crying, you have trouble sleeping. You’re about to get up for a glass of water when you hear a knock on your door.

Your first reaction is to panic, because you weren’t expecting anyone at such a late hour. You mentally run through the self defense moves Steve insisted on teaching you. Slowly, you approach the door, trying to not make any noise.

Knock knock knock.

“It’s me.”

It’s softly spoken, but you hear him loud and clear. You quickly open the door to reveal Steve with a look of sorrow on his face. You can’t help but stare at him in shock, taking in his disheveled appearance.

“I don’t want a break,” he says hoarsely, breaking you out of your trace.

You all but pounce toward him and wrap your arms around his neck. He immediately wraps his arms tightly around your waist. You bury your face in his neck, inhaling the familiar scent that reminds you of home. Despite everything that happened over the phone, you feel a flood of relief from finally being in his arms.

You stood in his embrace, relishing the feeling of him being there for a good minute before you pulled away. You meet his eyes, noticing the tears surrounding them and it hurts your heart.

“We should talk,” you say, voice rough from the crying just hours ago.

You’re sitting side by side on your couch. You look at him and can’t believe that he drove all the way to your place in the middle of the night. You can see the worry on his face and you want nothing more than to comfort him, but you hold back because you want an explanation first.

“So..” you start off, “you don’t want a break?”

“Y/N, I know I’ve messed up, but please don’t give up on us,” he says with pleading eyes.

“I don’t want to. I thought that’s what you would’ve wanted. I thought…” you shy away from his stare, “maybe you didn’t want me anymore.”

Steve looks at you with guilt, realizing for the first time how much he’s hurt you, “I’m sorry… I know I’ve been saying that a lot lately but I never wanted you to feel like I didn’t want to be with you.”

“Then what's been going on?” you ask, looking back at him, determined to know why it took you asking for a break to get him here.

Steve looks down at his hands, visibly nervous. Why? You have no idea.

“Talk to me Steve,” you encourage him. “Please.”

He turns to look at you, taking a breath before saying “I’ve been looking for Bucky.”

You’re immediately confused. Out of all the things you thought of him saying, this was never one of them.

“Bucky? Bucky Barnes?” you question. You knew of his friend from the stories he would tell you. Bucky was practically a brother to Steve.

“Yes,” he says easily, but it just makes you more confused. The thought of Steve going crazy briefly crosses your mind.

“He’s the Winter Soldier,” he explains. You recognize that name from the news. He was a part of the incident that happened in DC.

“What? H-How would that even be possible?” you question, not really being able to wrap your head around it. From what you knew, Bucky died in war back in the 40s.

“HYDRA was using him. They found him after he fell from the train and they brainwashed him for decades until I was able to snap him out of it when we fought in DC,” Steve continues, “After he saved my life, he disappeared.”

The pain in his voice is evident as he talks about his friend. You scoot closer to him and you take his hand into yours, offering him comfort.

“Sam and I have been following any lead we could to find him,” he explains, “I’ve been doing that along with all the other missions I get sent on. That’s why I’ve been gone so much.”  

It finally makes sense to you.

“Oh Steve,” you say, “I wish you would’ve told me this sooner.”

“I know honey, I should have…” he squeezes your hand, which you reciprocate.

“HYDRA is evil. I’ve seen how cruel they can be,” he continues. “The thought of them coming anywhere near you kills me,” his voice filled with emotion and his eyes gloss over with tears. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to get out of that headspace…”

He looks away from you, head down, “you shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

You reach over with your free hand to touch his face. “Steve,” you turn his head to look at you. His blue eyes shine even in the dim lighting. “Please don’t shut me out. I want to know these things. You don’t have to tell me everything, but I just want to be there for you. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

Your eyes beg him to understand you. “And I get it now. Bucky is your friend and I know you’ll find him again someday. Just don’t put all that stress on yourself,” your thumb wipes away a stray tear falling down his face. “I want to help you in any way I can. You can always come back to me.”

He subtly nods and looks at you, faces only a breath apart. “I don’t deserve you,” he says quietly, like he’s in disbelief.

He closes the distance, lips finally meeting yours. Your eyes flutter shut, as you continue to cradle his face in your palms. You focus on conveying all your love for him into the kiss. You pull away briefly to move on to his lap as he leans back into the couch. His hands naturally fall on your hips as you get impossibly close.

You break the kiss again, “Promise not to leave me again,” you plead, but your tone is much lighter this time. You never wanted to leave his arms again.

He looks up at you, eyebrows furrowing a bit, “I can’t promise that,” you give him a sad smile, already knowing that. His hand leaves your hip to push a stray hair behind your ear, “but I can promise that I will talk to you more and show you how much you mean to me more often. ”

You genuinely smile at that.

“This is important to me,” he says, pulling you closer, emphasizing his words, “you’re important to me.”

“I love you”

“I love you too,”

You lean back in to kiss him again, smiling in between because you’re happy to have your Steve back. And you know things will get better from here. There’s still going to be some tough nights when you miss him and he can’t be there, but you know he’ll be missing you just as much. You won’t have to doubt his love for you again.

You pull away once more, “Remember how you said, you’d make it up to me?” you question with a mischievous look in your eye.

“Yeah,” he says looking at you expectantly.

You simply raise your eyebrows and smirk at him. He catches on and mouths an “oh”.

You’re lifted from the couch so you latch onto Steve’s shoulders, giggling loudly at the sudden movement. He carries you into your bedroom, where he definitely made up for lost time.

You slept much easier that night.

hope you enjoyed reading! 🤍 reblogs and feedback are much appreciated!! let me know if you liked it :)