#hihjustin

[random-edits]

Aubrey Flint: Justin, can I speak to you for a minute?

Justin Diamond: Ooooh, someone's in trouble.

Justin Diamond: It's me, I don't know why I did that.

[hogwartswirelessnetwork]

if there was a Mr./Ms. Hogwarts competition, who do you girls would be the best competitors?

Well, would we first split people into houses instead of countries of origin as front runners and then crown the queen. I’m going to do it either way because it sounds fun for me!

Mr. / Ms. Gryffindor: @lionsandkrum​ and @vladthelion​ seem to be the obvious choices here! They’re very pretty, athletic, and Ana’s also got a razor sharp wit which would be great for answering those questions about world peace. Of course, she might come off a little sarcastic while doing so knowing her.

Mr. / Ms. Hufflepuff: @andie-longbottom​ seems like the kind of girl who would proclaim her perfect day is May 25th because it’s not too hot, not too cold and all you need is a light jacket so let’s go with her. And I guess Tim because he’s got all those social justice issues down, but they would also keep him from getting to the finals.

Mr. / Ms. Ravenclaw: While @becclaw​ kind of looks like the blonde beauty queen perfect image, I’m going to go with Lydia. She’s well-rounded enough to make it pretty far. And Isaac would obviously charm his way into the hearts of Hogwarts by just smiling at people…or taking his shirt off.

Mr. / Ms. Slytherin: @zabinilegacy​ is the obvious choice. She has no problem being fake for personal gain, but she really wouldn’t stir up the heartstrings of anyone involved. And Sam would probably just grin and win this, he seems to have quite the effect on the ladies.

Mr. / Ms. Hogwarts: @badgerjustin​ is sweet, pretty, and sincere enough to take home the crown! And in a complete converse of that @fabulousfawley​ would be his queen. She’s shallow, materialistic, and slightly unaware of reality just like any real beauty queen would be. Plus, they look pretty good together.

Now for a most important bonus category Miss slash Mister Congeniality! This really matters more than any crown if you love Sandra Bullock as much as I do. And I hereby nominate @scarletandgoldstein​ and @gavin-peakes​. They’re both obviously too sassy and not appealing enough to the masses to go all the way, but they’ve got hearts of gold, they’re a lot of fun, and they’re not bad to look at either.

Lulu’s way of doing this is so tedious. Bloody well, I wish I’d gotten to go first so I wouldn’t have to follow her formula. Yet now I’m trapped, so here’s my best effort.

Mr. & Mrs. Gryffindor: @nostringschandler and Hunter Liew. They’re an underappreciated pair, with a strong friendship and good looks. Chandler’s supposedly well-rounded, what with art club and Quidditch, and Hunter seems passionate about rights. That unfortunately makes for a winning combination, despite my personal feelings about them.

Mr. & Mrs. Ravenclaw: Perhaps @shawn-morse. He has the potential to be more interesting than he is, he just needs to take some advice from me and Lulu about how to make his radio show more interesting. I’ve heard he’s good looking, though, so let’s give him the nod and pair him with his “cute” blonde Prefect counterpart, @codeandchill. She wouldn’t win, Merlin forbid, but she’d make the audience laugh with all her incoherent sputtering. No composure, that one. It’s like feeding a lamb to the lions.

Mr. & Mrs. Hufflepuff: @duncanwhitby and Bradley Smith are practically the same person to me, but I think Duncan is the cuter one? Or the smarter one? I can’t remember, but I’m going to trust my gut and give this nod to him. Then I may as well pair him with Brittany Wenlock, since she’s got that sob story about falling off her broom. That’ll carry her quite a long way.

Mr. & Mrs. Slytherin: Nearly everyone in our house is qualified for this, but I’m sure it’ll come as no surprise that my vote goes to @urquhartofslytherin. We’ll pair him with @olivia–jordan, the undervalued protegee of @zabinilegacy. Perhaps Mila trained her to reach almost perfection, but she just couldn’t make the cut.

Mr. & Mrs. Hogwarts: Unlike Lulu, I remembered that people actually have to compete to win. So choosing from my pre-selected competitors, I’d say broom girl, Brittany Wenlock, is going to be Mrs. Hogwarts. As for who stands beside her… I tried very hard to choose someone else, but I just can’t. @urquhartofslytherin, congratulations, no one else deserves this honor as much as you! I’m so very sorry for sticking you with a Hufflepuff who can’t even properly stay on her own broom.

And no bonus categories for me, because they’re ridiculous. Lulu, why waste your time with such stupid movies? 

[fabulousfawley]

Send ☁ for a hateful text. Send ♔ for a admiring text. Send ● for a text that wasn’t meant for you. Send ♬ for a desperate text.

Send ☁ for a hateful text. 

Blair: Ugh, I don’t even know why I thought that buying you new dress robes would make you more presentable anyway. You have stupid carrot hair.

Send ♔ for a admiring text. 

Blair: I don’t even know why I’m texting you since you like, probably put the devil emoji by my name and blocked my number or something, but I actually kind of admire you. I mean, it’s obvi to me that you don’t really have a lot, but you carry yourself with like, your head held high and I’m pretty sure no one else at Hogwarts has any idea because you like, never complain, so congrats. 

Send ● for a text that wasn’t meant for you.

Blair:  I don’t care if you guys think this Isaac thing is hopeless, Clara. I mean, it’s not like it could be any worse than Justin. When I wanted him to take me to a dance, he humiliated me all because I was nice enough to buy him new dress robes!

Send ♬ for a desperate text.

Blair: Ugh, you know I would never ask for your help with anything under normal circumstances, but this is an emergency. Princess got into a fight with another cat and she’s hurt and I’m scared to walk down to Professor Hagrid’s hut alone, can you come with us? Please, please, I don’t know what to do :(

text message memes.

[becclaw]

Send ☁ for a hateful text. Send ♔ for a admiring text. Send ● for a text that wasn’t meant for you. Send ♬ for a desperate text.

Send ☁ for a hateful text. 

Becca: At the risk of sounding like a Hufflepuff hater... Why do some Hufflepuff accessories look mustard yellow instead of looking like sunshine? WHO LIKES MUSTARD MORE THAN THEY LIKE THE SUN? That’s just so wrong! 

Send ♔ for a admiring text. 

Becca: Oh my gosh, this seems like such a silly thing to compliment you on, but I just -- thank you for being such a good friend to Aubrey! I try so hard to be nice to her and Jade, but neither one of them seems to want to be my friend, really, and well... it’s just nice to see her actually smile when she’s around you. You’re an amazing person for getting through to her like that

Send ● for a text that wasn’t meant for you. 

Becca: I don’t get it, Kels! You’re so pro the idea of Sam and Flora, and Sam’s actually mean to Flora. Blair and Justin clearly just had some kind of misunderstanding that needs to be resolved, why don’t you think they’re cute, too??? It’s like Sam and Flora but BETTER. Becca: Merlin, I am so, so sorry. Surprise? Fourth year girls gossip about everyone, oops.

Send ♬ for a desperate text.

Becca: So I don’t know if you have any interests in Ancient Runes at all, but Kelsey and Gwen convinced me to join the club and said that if they get enough interest, there’ll be a trip to a site in Mexico this summer. I think you’d have a lot of fun, can you pretty please join the club so that we can get enough numbers to go?? I know it would mean a lot to them! 

text message memes.

[random-edits]

Austin Solano: Stephanie - she was here. I can feel it.

Justin Diamond: What? She hasn't been here, has she?

Austin Solano: Smell that?

Justin Diamond: Smell what?

Austin Solano: The room - it smells like Chanel No. 5 and disappointment.

[hogwartswirelessnetwork]

Who in the castle most resemble the six main Riverdale characters?

Who are the main six? And why leave out the adorable side characters!

Archie Andrews: @vladthelion seems pretty torn between being good at quidditch and being good with his regular life. Hopefully he’s not having a gross affair with a professor. But if one of the teachers is being Grundy-esque, my bet is on Professor Bole.

Betty Cooper: Well, @finestmclaggen would fit because of her constant snooping, but @codeandchill is more Betty material. They’re both blond, kind of nerdy, and constantly making weird facial expressions. Plus they both to seem have the unrequited love thing down pat.

Veronica Lodge: I’m going to go with Aubrey Flint on this one. Came from elsewhere to take our castle by storm, looks flawless and commands people with just a look. She’s edgy and dangerous enough to be V, for sure.

Jughead Jones: Oh, I really shouldn’t have to say this about anyone. Everyone in this school is too good to be Jughead! But I guess @alexishaleclaw is also kind of dark-minded and wants to write. But that’s obviously where the resemblance stops.

Cheryl Blossom: Mean girl who commands the school with an iron fist? Sometimes shows a glimmer of heart? It’s obviously @zabinilegacy. Is there even any question?

Josie McCoy: Future rockstar with impossible self standards? Must be Leo Spinnet! @tara-goyle could also fit into this role given her pressure induced rage blackouts though.

@brianpuff would be Kevin Keller, Luke Dawson is obv Reggie Mantle, @urquhartofslytherin can be Jason Blossom, and @gavin-peakes can be Valerie Brown since they both have great hair.

I can’t believe I had to research this drivel for you all. I refuse to do the side characters like Lulu, because I frankly don’t care, but as for the leads:

Archie Andrews: @badgerjustin is a dead ringer, is he not? And he’s about as painfully mediocre, so I’d say it’s a good fit.

Betty Cooper: Though @ameliapuff is a dead ringer, I would have to give this dishonor to @andie-longbottom. She’s so ‘gee, darn, I’m adorable’ that she screams girl next door.

Veronica Lodge: If only @fabulousfawley had a bit  more class, she might be able to fit the part. Instead, though, I’ll say @greatestollivander. She looks the part and must be rich by now off of all of her family’s wands. 

Cheryl Blossom: Flora Fortescue may have the hair but that’s all she has. @lionsandkrum could fit the bill. She seems like she’d be interested in an incestuous relationship with her twin, after all.

Jughead Jones: Bit of a wanker, isn’t he? Maybe @creaturekidcaleb. He seems like he’d have a secret emo freak streak.

Josie McCoy: Who’s in Frog Choir? @nobodyputskelseyinthecorner? She did orchestrate that girl band a while back. Let’s give this honor to her.

[hogwartswirelessnetwork]

Do you think Vlad will win the Quidditch Cup?

Obviously one person is not going to win the entire cup. But do I think that @vladthelion‘s team will win? Only in his dreams. 

Sorry Vlad! But Hufflepuff is obviously going to take home the Quidditch Cup this year. Especially if we can finally get @badgerjustin on the team!

[hogwartswirelessnetwork]

Who would be the hottest hook ups?

Well, I already kind of cast my vote for Blair and Justin or Becca and Adam on this one. I just love those dynamics where you go from enemies to friends to lovers! In terms of people who are really pretty though, @urquhartofslytherin and @gwen-peakes would be hot because they’re really pretty. And @zabinilegacy and @duncanwhitby would be awesome for the drama that’d ensue and give us something to talk about!

I really shouldn’t be allowed to play matchmaker, I could name potential castle hook-ups all day long.

@zabinilegacy does not deserve to be stuck with a bothersome badger, you take that back! @duncanwhitby‘s fangirls @fabulousfawley and @finestmclaggen can fight over him instead. Naked, even, if that’s what they’re interested in. As far as legitimate hookups go, why has no one mentioned @adamreadsthings and @zoeboot? @nostringschandler and @gwen-peakes? @olivia--jordan and @gavin-peakes? @emmacoote and @nobodyputskelseyinthecorner? @becclaw and @badgerjustin? @ameliapuff and @solcno? Too many options, too little interest to elaborate.

[hogwartswirelessnetwork]

Why do you think Justin Diamond won't try out for the quidditch team? Is he afraid of Stephanie?

I think it’s much more likely that @badgerjustin is having a torrid love affair with the captain and doesn’t want to risk mixing business with pleasure.

Torrid love affair? How many people are you convinced Justin is in a hateship with? No, I think Justin is probably afraid of letting people down just like Steph is. But with a little practice, I bet he’d be a regular Quidditch superstar!

[hogwartswirelessnetwork]

If you pair up any two Hogwarts students to go out on a date who would you pair up and why?

I would like to see @becclaw and Ben go on a date because I think it’d make Kelsey’s head explode. Or alternatively, @fabulousfawley and @badgerjustin because I feel like they’re part way through a romantic comedy. All they need is to get stuck in the rain together or something for that thin line between love and hate to blur.

Given how friendly @urquhartofslytherin and @jadeisacarrow, I think it would serve her well to just date @zacboot already and stop distracting Nick from his greatness. I suppose I’d also like to see @olivia--jordan and @olstarhopkins give things a go, because I can’t fathom why she’s tutoring him unless she’s fond of him. No amount of money is worth spending time with him otherwise.

[hogwartswirelessnetwork]

Is there anyone in this castle good enough to date Ana? I feel like if she had someone, maybe double-dating with Vlad and Andie could be fun instead of scary.

Maybe she’d be a good match with @badgerjustin? It’s the same Gryffinpuff dynamic that her other half seems to crave so much, and whispers on the street are that he’s secretly talented at Quidditch.

I love my fellow Badgers but Ana needs someone with a little more edge. I doubt she wants the female version of @andie-longbottom. I think maybe a Slytherin to match her talent and ambition. Maybe @creaturekidcaleb or Sofia?

[hogwartswirelessnetwork]

Who would you ideally like to see get together?

@fabulousfawley and @badgerjustin. Their “hatred” seems like thinly veiled sexual tension to me.

Oh, so many people! I would love to see @adamreadsthings and @becclaw bond over their love of books. I’d also love to see Becca get a grumpy Mr. Darcy-like boy. @flora-fortescues-creamery and @olstarhopkins, undoubtedly. I know a lot of people think she should be with Sam, but he’s such a jerk! @lionsandkrum and Isaac, or Sofia. I can never decide! Basically I just wish everyone luck in finding their soulmates! I think everyone deserves a happily ever after.