#hi tumblr i decided to use this blog as a diary more

[sunset-unbound]

hm. feeling kinda incapable of having emotions. maybe it's just the thursdayness of it all

[edging-diaries]

Intro Post

Hi! I'm Lili. I've been on the fringe of hypno and edging content for a while and decided to finally make a tumblr blog dedicated to it!

I'm gonna be using this account for tracking my daily edging and any hypno stuff I do, and also to reblog any stuff I think is cute or fun or sexy!

Basic Info

Lili, 20f, she/her (cis, not that it matters)

Submissive, not owned

Bi

Into hypno, edging, pet play, bimbofication, dumbification, intox/weed, and a bunch of other stuff!

Been lurking in the community for a couple years but never properly made a blog for it before.

Personal Rules

These are the rules I want to follow on my blog to make myself better, more submissive, more obedient, etc.

I must edge at least 3 times every day, when I wake up, during the day, and before i got to bed. More is better, but at minimum 3 a day.

Whenever I edge, I have to repeat a mantra.

I do not have to post a diary entry daily, but I must do at least one a week.

each diary post must be tagged with #edgingdiaries .

I'm not allowed to use autocorrect on any of my posts, or in my dms.

I must try to respond to every dm/ask I receive as long as answering doesn't put my health or safety at risk. (I reserve the right to block if I'm uncomfortable or harassed).

While i don't have a hard deadline for the end of my denial, if I cum or ruin without getting permission I must state it in a diary entry and ask for a punishment.

If you have any more suggestions for rules or ideas on how to make me a better edgeslut, please send an ask or a dm!

This pinned post may be updated/changed later if I need to add more.

[choicesficwriterscreations]

September Creator of the Month: Tveitertotwrites

Please welcome this month’s Creator of the Month: @tveitertotwrites

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists. The writer or artist is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTMs can be found here.

Tumblr Blog Name: Tveitertotwrites

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Megan

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog

Masterlist

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played? 

I started playing in 2019, and my first book was Rules of Engagement.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined the fandom in January 2022. I had taken a break from Choices for a while but went back in November/December 2021 and started trying to look for fanfiction for Open Heart as I wanted to see if there was more Open Heart content, so I turned to Tumblr and AO3 and decided to join.

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

It was the first thing I could think of. I’m not creative with naming things (if anyone remembers my original blog name, it was openheartfanfiction because I only wrote for OH and couldn’t think of anything else). So I was like, “I’m a fan of Aaron Tveit. His fans are called Tveiter Tots, so why not?”  I then added writing because most of the content I make is fanfiction.

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it! 

It was actually a little intro to my account, but I had deleted it a while back so now it’s this. It is not my favorite. I would definitely redo it now that I have had more experience with text fics. 

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both? 

While I would love to make fan art, currently, I only write fanfiction.

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

I have been writing/creating Choices content since 2022. But I have been writing for Star Wars and Adam Driver Characters since 2020 (even though I am on hiatus from it, and I don’t know if/when I will pick it back up). I also wrote some Marvel fanfiction with a friend in 2021. More recently, I have started writing stuff for Aaron Tveit and Cillian Murphy characters on my non-Choices blog.

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Right now, I would say either Red Carpet Diaries or America’s Most Eligible is my favorite. But I also like Open Heart, High School Story, and others. I want to create more for RCD and AME, but I think I like creating content for OH.

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

Since I already mentioned the text fic, I chose the next fic I did. It was for my Open Heart MC’s (Claire Evans) Birthday. And I would 100 percent go back and rewrite it. I like the idea of what I wrote, but I don’t like its execution, and I need to go back and rewrite it.

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created? 

Right now, I have these two favorites. While I like writing angst, I enjoy writing fluffy stuff like these two fics. Plus, it’s my MC and OC who are besties (Claire and Adelaide), so I had to choose one from both of them.

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

This was a fic that I wasn't expecting to get notes on. I was still very new to the fandom at the time and hadn’t really interacted with anyone at that point, so seeing people like it was a shock.

Something that I wish I could do better is the content I make for my RCD and AME MCs (Brooklyn Moore and Charlie Howard). I love that people like my OH content, but I don’t see many people liking content from those books (which is fine if you don’t like it).

11- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

Fluff. While writing Angst and Smut can be fun, writing fluff is a nice escape from real life.

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

Yes, I have put some things from myself into my MCs and OCs, like some personality traits, some physical traits, and some hobbies/things they enjoy. So, I do see myself sometimes, but not always.

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

Either coming up with titles or writing bits in between the big parts. Usually, one of the last things I do is come up with a title because I can never think of one. Also, writing the “less important” parts in between the parts I want to write is what gets me sometimes and is why I have unfinished fics that I have abandoned.

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

I have some fics that I had done some previews for (last year or the year before) that I would like to finish at some point. Right now, I am trying to finish a Dancing with the Stars AU for Adelaide and Tobias, so that is my writing priority.

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first? 

Maybe it depends on who it is. While I don’t think anyone would be too judgemental, I would still be very nervous to show them in fear of them hating it or something like that. I wouldn't show them the smut or some of my earlier fics but the fluff I would.

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

Not really. I have liked a lot of people’s work, but I don’t think that it really influences my writing at all though.

17- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

I think my fic “Coming to You” would be fun to see as a movie. Seeing how Ethan and Claire’s relationship grows on screen when they’re in two different worlds would interest me.

19- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art? 

I have thought about trying to write an original fiction book, but right now I don’t. I do currently write some original screenplays as I am in college for screenwriting.

20-  What other hobbies do you have?

I like to paint and listen to music. I like to take drives in the morning to get coffee and relax or at night with my dogs. I like to watch movies and musicals (like Moulin Rouge and Six). 

21: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to)

Thank you to anyone who has read any of my fics or enjoyed the content I create. It means a lot, and I hope to continue writing content that both you and I can enjoy.

[wolfofcelestia]

Welcome! Now that this blog has been fully converted into a Zayne loveblog, I've finally decided to make an actual introduction.

─── ･*☆･ﾟ: 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓑𝓵𝓸𝓰𝓰𝓮𝓻

My name is Elara (she/her). I am an adult and will be posting adult content. Minors, blank blogs, art theives, and toxic people will be blocked

Most of what I write here will be about fictional boys voiced by Satou Takuya

Most of my analysis posts are usually very stream of conscious-y because I never stop thinking about this stupid ice man

⚠️ Sylus warning: He will appear on my blog as well but don't expect all my posts about him to be fluffy. He is the object of my sadism and I will talk shit about him and write about him in a masochistic role.

─── ･*☆･ﾟ: 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓦𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓻

I write when my brain allows me to. Most of what you'll see here are short clips of dialogue, headcanons, scenarios, and scenes in the style of LADS's social media posts. These snippets tend to be comedy, fluff, smut, angst, and occasional dark content

Got a request? Feel free to drop an idea in my askbox. No guarantees it will get filled, though

─── ･*☆･ﾟ: 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓨𝓾𝓶𝓮𝓳𝓸𝓼𝓱𝓲 💙❤️🩵

This blog is my self-indulgent yumejoshi (self-insert) safe space, with my F/Os being Shokudaikiri Mitsutada and Rei.

I am extremely sappy and sentimental. Also extremely thirsty. I am parched. Dehydrated. I just have a lot of feelings for these boys. If you have a problem with that, feel free to block or unfollow me. You don't need to be in my space.

─── ･*☆･ﾟ: 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓦𝓮𝓵𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮

Thanks for stopping by and reading this far! There's more information about my name and Rei under the cut below for the curious.

Feel free to have a look around and interact with me whenever you like! I’d love to hear what you think of my ideas.

All of my writing can be found in my blog directory.

Quick tags:

─── ･*☆･ﾟ Zayne, Dawnbreaker, Foreseer, Master

─── ･*☆･ﾟ Scenarios, Headcanons, Poems

─── ･*☆･ﾟ Vampire AU, Zayne Soundtrack, Zayne Tier Lists

─── ･*☆･ﾟ Hunter's Diary, Glint Photos

─── ･*☆･ﾟ Zayne Favourites, Sylus Favourites

─── ･*☆･ﾟ: 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓦𝓸𝓵𝓯 𝓸𝓯 𝓒𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓪

A rough translation of my Saniwa username: 天狼星

This is the star Sirius, which roughly translates to "heavenly wolf star" in Chinese/Japanese.

I wanted a daimyou-style title for my saniwa self-insert, so it turned into Wolf of Celestia.

Don't be fooled by the name, though. I'm actually just a smol wet puppy burdened with feelings for boys who don't exist.

─── ･*☆･ﾟ: 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓸𝓷 𝓟𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓼𝓼

“Elara” is the name of one of Jupiter's moons. In Greek mythology, she is a mortal princess with an unfortunately lame story. But I liked the sound of the name so I kept it.

The pronunciation on wikipedia is EL-ara. I also accept el-ARA.

─── ･*☆･ﾟ: 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓑𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓻 𝓸𝓯 𝓓𝓪𝔀𝓷

You may have noticed that I call him Rei in some posts and Zayne in other posts. Sometimes even in the same post, like this one. This is a very deliberate choice.

I first learned of his existence from Satou Takuya retweeting one of the promo videos for the game before it was released, so even before Day 1, I knew him as Rei. (And I was downbad for him without even knowing a thing about him.)

He is still Rei to me and always will be, but for ease of communication, I call him Zayne.

Long story short,

I call him Zayne when:

I'm referring to his character in general

I'm writing something meant for the rest of tumblr to reblog or engage with

I call him Rei when:

I'm referring to "My Rei", the Rei in my game, and the F/O of my yume ship.

─── Usually used in personal posts about my sappy feelings, not really meant to be engaged with

I'm referring to the character who is voiced by Satou Takuya and speaks Japanese.

─── Usually used to comment on SatoTaku's voice work specifically

─── ･*☆･ﾟ: 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓒𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼

In my scenarios, I usually put dialogue and emphasized words in certain colours

MC is red because… put simply, that’s my colour

Zayne is always blue

Foreseer is always purple

Master is always green

But because tumblr is mostly in dark mode and I’m too lazy to add colours that aren’t on the default options, Dawnbreaker is usually red

Because if he were to choose a colour, it would always be hers

The only time Dawnbreaker isn’t in red is when MC is in the same scenario. In those cases, Dawnbreaker is the default text colour, relinquishing his colour to her

Because he would choose to be empty if it meant he could stay with her for just a little longer

That's all for now! I'll keep this updated if I need to add more links or information.

Final note: Yes my whole aesthetic is space and stars. Yes, my main is 10000% Rei LMAO I am so sorry Seiya

Dividers by saradika-graphics, cafekitsune

[oskea93]

Keep it to Yourself (1)

✶ Douglas Booth!Nikki Sixx x OC ✶

Warning: This story will contain scenes of drug/alcohol use, sexual content, mentions of death, overdose, physical and emotional abuse. Please read at your own risk. I do not own rights to Motley Crue or any other famous person mentioned. Portions of this story will be pulled from Motley's book and film The Dirt as well as The Heroin Diaries. There will be parts that are complete fiction as well.

Taglist: @fancywasmyname1, @kaitieskidmore1, @xxisxxisxxis, @sparxx27,  @cruecifymesixx, @tempt-ress, @a-sia-san, @x-xinenas, @casualcomputerarbiter-blog​, @makaelahdelvalle

Author's note: Hello everybody! It's been a while since I thought about this story but now I want to bring it back to life. I think I rewatched The Dirt about 20 times in the past couple of days (Thanks snowstorm!) and i've been thinking about this story and all the other amazing Crue stories that are on Tumblr. So, with that being said - I have decided to rewrite Keep it to Yourself. I went back and read the original version and I want to revamp it in a way. I've changed a couple things and I hope to make it better than before. If you were tagged in the original version, I went ahead and just tagged you for this new update. If you would like to be removed, just let me know and I will take you off. If you aren't a part of the taglist and would like to be, just let me know and I will get you added. I hope you enjoy the new and improved Keep it to Yourself!

“Bryant –“ He paused. “I know I’m probably the last voice you wanna hear on your answering machine, but I desperately need your help right now.” A breathy sigh blew through the speaker. “I’m at my wits end and I have no idea what to do with him.”

I stared at the device – my hand curled against my mouth as his words flowed through my living room. “The drugs are constant – he’s high 24/7 – Half the time I don’t even know if he’s alive or dead when I get into his room. It’s not just him – they’re all fucked – but he’s the only one with one foot in the casket.”

How he got my number remained a mystery. They made him millions of dollars – more money than the man could even count – yet he was calling me about his issue. From the beginning, I told him that it would only get worse. The guy had issues way before he formed Motley – way before the money and fame came into the picture. Sure - he dabbled in drugs before hitting peak stardom, but the money was there, and he was a kid in a candy store.

“I know the two of you ended on such a sour note, but I feel like you’re the only one that can truly help him get out of this fucking mess. He needs you – I – we all need you, Bryant.” He went on to leave the number to the hotel they were staying at for the night. Begging one last time for my help. I must’ve played the damn message 10 times – each time making my anger rise. Doc was the one who let it get to this point – he fueled the fire when it should’ve been sprayed out years ago. He pushed the drugs in their direction – Nikki was always a step ahead though. He attracted the slime that had the harder, faster drugs. The drugs that would make him feel nothing when in reality his whole fucking world was crumbling down…

I continued to move the spoon around the cup, the sugar long dissolved by now. I was so lost in my own thought – Doc’s words swirling around in my brain.

“You’re thinking about going, aren’t you?” The brunette in front of me asked. “I know that look and that look tells me that you’re giving in.”

Hannah Hastings was the first person I met when I moved to South Carolina. She was an event planner – a free spirit in a Dynasty like world. She would spend hours on my couch, a bottle of wine being shared, as I spilled my entire life story into her lap. She knew all about my history with Nikki – how we met – our marriage – and the demise of our relationship.

I let out a sigh, “I don’t wanna go but something’s telling me that if I don’t –“ I paused. “If I don’t go, he’s gonna end up dead and then I’ll be blaming myself. At least if I go and say I tried and I don’t succeed, I won’t beat myself up if something does happen to him. Like – It’s not even a matter of if – it’s a matter of when.”  

“He was such an asshole though, Bryant. The man was toxic to you-“She reached across the table taking my hand in hers. “I don’t want to see you get hurt or worse. You know how drug addicts are – he could get violent and not even realize it until it’s too late.”

During the three years we were together, he never laid a hand on me. I was the one who had the heavy touch. Sure, we had awful arguments that pushed me to the point of slapping and pushing him away, but he always stormed off before touching me. The drugs at the time weren’t as hardcore as they are now though. I could walk in his house and come back out with a bullet hole this time. Hannah was right – drugs fucked with people’s brain – I’m sure Nikki was already there.

“Are you gonna tell Wyatt?”

I slumped back in my seat at the thought of telling my Uncle Wyatt. To say he hated Nikki would be an understatement. He warned me from the beginning that Nikki Sixx would be nothing but trouble, but I didn’t listen. He was used to guys like Nikki – being a kid from the wrong side of the tracks himself. He made a promise that he would do everything he could to protect me from men like Nikki. We only had each other and when Nikki came into the picture, the worst type of thoughts ran through his head. He knew what guys like Nikki did to girls like me – innocent until proven insane. It happened to my mother – her infatuation sending her straight to the grave.

“I figured I would just call him when I got to California-“Her eyes growing large. “You know so he can’t talk me out of it or worse come and get me.”

She shook her head in disbelief, “You know I love you and I’ll support you in any way –“I felt a “but” coming along. “But –“She smiled. “This is one decision I’m very wary about, Bryant.”

I felt the same way. I had multiple scenarios playing like film reels over and over in my head. Some pretty good while others resembled horror movies. Even I knew that Nikki’s reaction to seeing me would not be a good one. He broke my heart, and I broke his even worse. Besides the band, I was his only true constant. He barely had any family – his grandparents living states away – not even aware of their grandson’s antics. Sure, the art of touring and going to different states brought about groupies and so-called friends but he didn’t have anyone to call or return home to. I was that person for him.

“You and me both, sister…”

I waited for the line to connect – the operator being nice enough to connect me straight to his room. Doc and I didn’t really have a relationship. He was Motley’s manager and at the time I was just a wife. I was glad the guys had him at first – their success was growing like a wildfire but that was because of their drive for stardom – Doc was just there lending a helping hand. He was extremely pissed when I ended things with Nikki. His own mouth spewing curse words my way once Nikki was served with divorce papers.

It makes the band look bad when a member gets divorced.

Nikki refuses to get out of bed and it’s all your fucking fault.

Girls all over the world would stay with Nikki no matter what – cheating, drugs – Learn to turn a blind eye.

“Hello?” I sat straighter as Doc’s voice sounded – my thoughts suddenly escaping me. “Hello?”

“It’s me.” My voice cracking. “I – uh – I got your message.”

“Oh, thank God, Bryant.” He sounded relieved. “I was worried that I would miss your call –“He paused. “Or if you would even call at all.”

I stayed silent – not really up for conversation.

“Listen, I know this is a bit of a tall ask, but I really do need your help. Nikki – hell all the guys for that matter – are ticking fucking time bombs. Nikki’s clock is etching closer to midnight ever second the fucker breaths – and I pray every night that he’s still doing so. He’s high ever second of every day. He shoots up when he wakes and right before he passes out for the night. I have no idea what he’s even taking anymore. Shooting up, snorting, smoking – he’s the walking picture of Nancy Reagan’s campaign.”

My grip on the phone tightened as he spoke – realizing that he was more far gone than thought.

“I need you to come out here and help us deal with him. I think Doug and Fred can deal with the other three, but we can’t get through to Nikki. Fuck, it’s not even Nikki anymore that we’re dealing with. He’s so mean and terrible to be around. His moods go from zero to sixty – it’s even worse when he’s coming down. Poor Tommy’s getting married, and I can’t even imagine Nikki standing up there with him when he’s high off his ass. You’re the only one that I think can get through to him – he still loves you, Bryant.”

He still loves you, Bryant.

Maybe the old version of Nikki was still in love, but I can assure you the drugged-up version was only in love with his high. That was Doc’s way of trying to lure me in – telling me that Nikki still loved and cared about me. I still loved and cared for the guy too – the Nikki I met at a 7-Eleven almost 6 years ago. Pre-Motley Crue – before the fame, drugs, egos, and women.

“I’ll pay for your ticket out here and everything if you agree, Bryant.” He stressed. “I’m desperate – he’s gonna die if we don’t do something.”

I let out a sigh, closing my eyes, asking myself if I really wanted to do this. It was a constant battle with my head and my heart. My brain was yelling at me to tell Doc to fuck off, but my heart couldn’t deal with the thought of Nikki no longer being here. “You think seeing me will snap him out of this spiral?”

“I think seeing you will probably piss him off more but at least I know you’ll be there and have the chance to stop him.”

My brows furrowed at his comment, “You’re making it sound like I’m gonna be with him at all times?”

His silence confirming my question. “You can’t expect me to stay in the same house, hotel room, or wherever with Nikki –“

“That’s exactly what you’re going to do, Bryant.” He cut me off. “I need that man to have constant surveillance – can’t put a bodyguard in there with him. He needs to have someone that he’s familiar with – someone that’s gonna remain sober and not give into his advances.”

“Then why don’t you stay with him then?” My attitude starting to come out.

“I’d end up killing him and then all of this would be for nothing.”

I shook my head as I pulled the phone away from my ear. I could hear Doc’s voice as he continued to talk. “Listen-“ I spoke up, cutting his sentence off. “I will come out there but I’m only there for a week. Once that week is up, whether he’s getting help or not, I’m going back home.”

“That’s not gonna work, Bryant.” He huffed. “He gets more fucked up when he’s out on the road than he does at home. These fuckers waiting in back alleys and backstage – knowing that he’s looking to score – that’s where I need you the most.

I’d been on tour with Motley when they were first getting their feet wet. I watched as they performed their first gig at the Starwood and then when they were opening for bigger acts like Ozzy. Going on tour with four men – the four Motley men was not for the faint of heart. I saw more body parts than I cared to see. Drugs, alcohol, and women were being pushed in their direction – more so as their popularity grew than before. Nikki and I shared a bunk and even that got old after a while. Living with four men for months on end would cause any woman to eventually lose it. Nikki and I were constantly fighting. Hell, I was fighting with everyone, even Mick at times. This was their dream, and it was my absolute living hell.

“I don’t th-“

“What do I need to do so you will say yes? Walk on water – swallow arsenic? Please, Bryant. I have never been so desperate in all of my life.” His voice wavering. “You were in love with this man at one point – I believe you may still love him. Just remember the reason why you fell in love with Nikki and do it for that reason."

[batrachised]

I'm rereading Emily's Quest and Ilse/Perry's romantic resolution is hands down one of my favorite parts of the whole entire series, what are your thoughts on them together and the complicated love square between Emily, Teddy, Ilse and Perry?

you can't see it, but I'm throwing back my head and laughing maniacally, for o poor innocent anon - I do not know if you are aware and you might be, but this discussion happened several months ago and I learned (while having the time of my life) that people have strong and conflicting opinions on Emily of New Moon. Never have my lm montgomery posts gotten so much traction. I'm more than happy to talk about my thoughts here, but if you're looking for more, I suggest searching the emily of new moon tag on tumblr or on my blog. (Poor Teddy did not fare well, let's just say that).

Ilse and Perry's relationship is a really sharp contrast to Emily's and Teddy's to me tonally. Although this isn't necessarily reflected on the individual level, I feel like Ilse and Perry's is defined by this activeness/aggression, and Emily's and Teddy's is defined by this passiveness. Ilse and Perry get into fights; Teddy and Emily ignore each other for years. Ilse verbally attacks Perry to his face because she's too proud to admit she loves him; Emily ignores Teddy's whistle and ices him out. This doesn't necessarily trickle down to the character level (I would not describe Emily Byrd Starr as a passive and quiet person lol), but squinting at the relationships, these are overall impressions.

In this neapolitan ice cream mix of personalities, you get so many different combos. (Ilse/Perry, Ilse/Teddy, Emily/Perry (he wishes)..the list goes on). I love how you describe it as a love square, because it really only stops short of Ilse and Emily dating each other, and even then, their friendship plays just as a significant a role as the actual romantic relationships. It would be as if in Anne, Phil did decide to go for Gilbert because well, Anne has repeatedly said she's not interested. That would layer their relationship in an entirely different way, and that's what happens with Emily and Ilse. It would also give us a different impression of Gilbert, choosing to date one of Anne's best friend after expressing romantic interest in Anne repeatedly.

I think the love square kind of fits Emily's tone as a whole - Emily's books don't have the innocence - or perhaps a better word is earnestness - that Anne's do. That friend group is messy. Ilse knows Emily likes Teddy but goes around with Teddy, Emily knows Ilse likes Perry but Perry is in love with her, Teddy is in love with Emily but still choose to date Ilse...it's less a square and more a three dimensional rhombus that's caving in on itself. (floating somewhere in this stew of hormones is dean too, to make matters all the more complicated)

As for each individual couple - your ask didn't ask this, and it's already been discussed at length (see first paragraph) so I'll limit my thoughts on Teddy and Emily as It Would Have Been Nice if Teddy Talked, At Least Sometimes. We barely see them interact, and it weakens the pairing in my eyes considerably.

All the more because we have this passive conflict right next to Ilse's and Perry's very active one, although that's usually seen at a narrative distance (ie through Emily referencing it in her diary). I think Ilse's and Perry's romantic resolution suits them very well - Ilse is someone who has had free reign to do what she wants her entire life, who was neglected then spoiled rotten, and who is temperamental to say the least. Her leaving Teddy at the altar to flee to Perry's bedside is completely in character for her, along with her needing a wake-up call on the level of death haha. It's suitably dramatic and over the top for someone who is very dramatic. It also neatly embarrasses Teddy, who, if my memory serves, needed some emotional walloping at that point as well.

The thing about Ilse and Perry though, is that almost all of their interactions happen offscreen. Their fights, reunion, and married life all happen off screen. In fact, both the 'endgame' couples are marked by this. You get more interaction between Perry and Emily than Perry and Emily, and really, it almost feels like you get more interaction between Teddy and Ilse than Emily and Teddy. I love the Emily books, but they do leaving me wanting more in that respect, especially because these characters are so compelling. I want to read the scene where Perry who is half conked out in bed sees Ilse in all her bridal glory crash through his hospital room door! I want to read more than the 1-2 conversations we get between Emily and Teddy! It's interesting, though, because a lot of what we do see is narrated by Emily in her diary; in a way, Emily is telling her own story to us as she sees fit.

[dominic-sessa]

life update!!!!

hi hello friends good morning good afternoon good evening its that time of the month again! this isnt really a big life update like the last time bcs i just thought id list down a bunch of things ive had on my mind.

first of all, im very happy to announce that i was able to watch 16 movies last march !! exciting!! i know ive said the last time that i quit the bingewatching thing but HONESTLY im in a work from home setup and the only way to keep me inspired is by watching a movie ... i am yet to find other ways to stay inspired so watching movies will just do for now... ALSO im gonna try to update my newsletter for the first time this year and itll probably be about the movies that i saw this march that i liked ! im now comfortable with turning the newsletter to be more about movies bcs nothing major has been happening in my life lol . so pls stay tuned for that newsletter post if ur interested!

another thing is ive decided to make this blog more personal! for the past year ive made this blog to be more about movies and gifs and stuff, and as much as i love getting the notes and reading ppl's tags, im going to try and make this blog work for me this time :) hope it doesnt get annoying or something... im also in the process of fixing my about pages and tags and all. ive used tumblr since 2012 so im still struggling with the setup. LIKE yes i want to maximize the fact that you can edit html pages and its cute and lets me be creative but at the same time, im on my phone majority of the time . and i dont like being on my laptop after work because ive literally just been using a laptop the whole day. for work. im rly shy to post some stuff about me (bcs i havent done it before fr insert the tom hanks dialogue from joe vs the volcano abt doing some soul searching and coming to the conclusion that hes just boring so he stops doing it) so if u see me doing it as an attempt to fix the personal pages on my blog, im sorry! AAAND as for the gifs thing, im thinking of changing my film diary tag, one thing i really enjoy is taking note of dialogues i love from a movie so i might just do screenshots. i really miss making gifs even though most of the gifs i end up with are LQ , but it just really isnt feasible now . (also some movies are just so tempting to gif LIKEEE valley girl and everytime we say goodbye 😭😭 it physically hurts me that i cant gif josh whitehouse and tom hanks in those movies....)

ALSO im really very very happy that ive gained new followers recently. i enjoy chatting with you guys and get so happy whenever i get the notif that someone sent me an ask/message!! ive been idle on stan twt/fandoms in general so its been a really long time since ive actually... talked to people... it makes me really happy talking to u and im sorry if my happiness doesnt show in my replies/posts. as i said, its been a while since ive done this and i usually go on here as soon as im off work (when my brain is semi-fried and the words are not wording anymore) . i hope i dont come across as bored/uninterested :(

and it isnt just about fandoms too, im genuinely insterested what u guys are up to lately and all... (in a non stalker way). it just feels nice to have friends in general ^__^

SO YEA, i think thats about it :) if u've read this all until here ilysm! thanks for ur interest and lmk how ur day was! or just send me something u want to talk about !

have a nice day :)

[ashsostrange]

I'm honestly surprised at the amount of people who are still supporting him.He's got his little ((whats left of them at least)) fan base wrapped around his fingers.

“ He’s a minor he cant think for himself, his brain ain't developed!!” “ You don't know what it's like for him at home!” my fav so far “y'all are ablest and racist!! Yall don't care about black people!”

Bitch no one gives a fuck that he is black!! Motherfucker is telling people/threatening to eat glass to get away from what he's said to people. Calling someone out for gaslighting and trying to manipulate people with that shit ain't racist. Also using self diagnosis and laying about taking pill that will “get you high” as a way to get out of all his call outs. This is the stupidest shit I have seen while being on tumblr for the past three or so years like damn!!💆🏾‍♀️

perioddd!! lemme talk my shit again

i honestly giggled when his bf tried to say “y’all hate black people” when pretty much everyone speaking on him is black. why would i do that bc he’s black?? i’m black, not to mention a darskin girl. do with that info what you will.

ppl wna make us seem like bullies so bad. this isn’t just about what happened w catty, hell, it’s hardly about her at all! it’s ab his behavior in general. it’s inappropriate! if he would’ve just owned up, there wouldn’t have been a problem. i’m not obsessed w this nigga, i don’t care to go out of my way to make a post ab him everyday. he’s the one who escalated this further. he only wants us to “mind our business” when we’re not coming for his neck.

ab his mental health, if he doesn’t have a real diagnosis, he needs to not claim mental illnesses like that, but rather acknowledge that something is wrong with him. if you make a mistake, you need to not blame every damn thing on your said mental illness. if anything it’s a justification, but never an excuse. take the initiative to look at yourself and decide if you’re in the right headspace to be on the internet or not. i struggle with mental health, but not in the way he allegedly does. if ik i’m not in the right headspace for something, i step away. he needs to do that. and invest in a diary.

i genuinely don’t know why people are defending him when he did this to himself. if woulda stopped riding my dick like beyoncé rode that surfboard, then maybe we wouldn’t be here right now. accountability isn’t a bad thing. we’ve all made mistakes. i know i’ve made many, it’s about how you address them that matters.

i was literally defending his lame ass when he was sending inboxes as an anon to cause more mess between these two girls. yao was saying he was behind the anon and obv i didn’t believe her bc it wasn’t making sense to me at the time, and there was no real way to prove it. but then he started sending her hella inboxes and tagged all his mutuals saying “war has begun” a whole day later. when i tell you i showed one of my bsfs that post and we LAUGHEDD 🤣🤣🤣 nigga this is tumblrrrr, not a battlefield! from that day i’ve been watching him lmao. didn’t wna say anything about his behavior until i gathered more info cuz i’m not a mean girl (and didn’t want his army bombarding my inbox), but this is ridiculous.

and i’m so glad lia dmed me one day so we could discuss his weirdness. we literally played his ass and he didn’t know. bro was sending her msgs talking ab “i liked your new fic, but you blocked me” and he was the only one she had blocked recently. he sent so many hateful msgs under anon after that, nd he was reblogging it acting like it wasn’t him like… ok weird nigga.

i’m not ableist or “racist” (i’m literally fucking black!) fuck i gotta b ableist for? i’m the last person to rock w any kind of tomfoolery, and all my mutuals and irls know that. i’m unapologetically me on this blog. what you see is who i am.

“he’s a minor!!” so are the rest of us dealing with his bs bro. i’m literally SIXTEEN 😭

like i said, in most situations, if multiple people (with good morals) are telling you that you’re wrong, you can’t be right. i was never disrespectful with him to begin with. you get disrespectful with me, i get disrespectful with you. don’t care who you are ✌️like thank yewww

[theraccoon]

hi i'm finn!

about me: i am a lesbian, 19 yrs old, brazilian, and autistic. i fit almost every stereotype of the average tumblr teen so expect cringe

i am probably gonna take a while to reply to any asks/replies/dms, if i dont completely forget to. my bad

pro women and lesbians/bisexuals always. gender critical, but generally accepting of trans people. will block you if youre a conservative/tradfem/whatever, if youre overly transphobic for no reason (eg calling people tr***y), or if youre annoying and i dont like you

opinions are what you expect based on all that, anti porn, anti capitalist, you get it

ive been in and around radblr for years, and decided to finally make a blog about feminism (and other political issues). i agree with the ideas and goals of radical feminism, tho i dont consider myself a radical feminist. primarily because i dont do any activism, at all, but also because radical feminism isnt an identity

i do plan to start doing activism tho, but i am not sure how and have trouble interacting with people, so baby steps. i also want to actually read more feminist literature.

i used to be really active on radblr during 2019-2020, but my mental health was horrible and being aware of everything wrong with the world made it 10 times worse, so i ended up distancing myself and becoming very apathetic towards everything. forgive me if im kinda rusty on the theory lol, im gonna do my best to exercise my brain again

my main is @haemosexuality ! where you can find an unhinged amount of fandom posts and me using tumblr like its my diary

thats all i think. look at my cats their names are catra and paçoca respectively

💕

[tavyliasin]

Welcome, Raphael Fans ;)

My little ramble may have resonated a bit, so I feel like recklessly re-sharing my Fiend-centric Fic Chapters~ I will likely just update and reblog this as needed. This is taking forever to check over to compile... This should be a relatively comprehensive list and is 99% NSFW so 18+ only. Links currently will take you to the chapters on Tumblr, but my newer side blog @atavsguide will be reposting anything from my ongoing fic work as FULL chapters every day for the next couple of weeks~ That side blog is only being used for full chapter reblogs so those without AO3 have somewhere to read them, and I might make a second one for the other one shots etc~

Chapters from A Tav's Guide

ATG is my ongoing fic centred on f!Tav x Astarion until the act 2 conversation, where they agree that love and lust can be entirely separate, allowing Tav to explore other opportunities for sex with the arrangement that she will write about it in her diary to share later. Rough premise, I know, but it works to allow a fun and smutty story~ Raphael and Haarlep feature a fair few times so far, especially when their appearances were far too fun.

ATG 4 - Dream? Nightmare.

Tav is having trouble sleeping, but eventually manages to drift off. Her dreams, however, are far from restful when a certain devil decides to dance through her sleep. CW and Tags - None, aside from mild powerplay dynamics. ---

ATG 7 - Love? Lust.

Raphael needs to let off some steam, and if there's one thing Haarlep knows it is exactly how to do it. There's no room for any emotional connection beyond pure undiluted physical desire, wants tempted and needs met, and it seems a raised temper can indeed spice things up a little. CW and Tags - Hate sex, Brat Raphael, Dom Haarlep, light BDSM, oral sex, biting, bondage ---

ATG 9 - Mouse? Rat.

Tav breaks in to the House of Hope desperate for help, but all she finds is...Raphael? No, that's not him... Haarlep is bored, but luckily a Little Mouse stumbles in to their room, lost and alone. But are they a Mouse? Or perhaps more of a Rat? Tav discovers the downsides to avarice and hubris, biting off far more than she can chew this time. Part 1 of 2 CW and Tags - BDSM, Aphrodisiacs, Bratty Tav, Dom Haarlep, bondage, whipping, mild blood

ATG 10 - Cat? Claw.

Part 2 of 2 Raphael arrives back in his boudoir to find Haarlep busy with an uninvited guest, one who has taken in far too much aphrodisiac and requires relief from that particular issue. He is loathe to help, but Haarlep has their ways to convince him. CW and Tags - BDSM, bondage, group sex, power play, aftercare, transforming during sex,

ATG 11 Deal? Done.

Part 1 of 2 Haarlep is bored again, and finds a fun little scroll to use with Tav. But it'll take a deal before the plan can work fully... Tav finds herself enticed by an interesting prospect, and decides to put her own spin on the deal before her. CW and Tags - Shape changing, power play, BDSM

ATG 12 - Friday? Freaky.

Part 2 of 2 Raphael comes home to find the "Archduchess" mocking him as usual, despite not asking Haarlep to take that form. Still, he is easily mislead by clever words and an illusion that none of them will soon forget. Tav plays her part well and is rewarded by an intense night of pleasure, and the sight of Raphael on his knees before her is a more than pleasant bonus. CW and Tags - Alter Self, threeway sex, bondage, power play, tails, switching, Dom Tav, sub Tav, Dom Raphael, sub Raphael, Dom Haarlep, body double, aftercare

Tricks and Treats in the House of Hope - An ATG Side Story, Halloween Special

Not placed in the main timeline, this is after a point where Halsin and Astarion are firmly in a poly relationship with Tav and both comfortable in sex. Meant to be a Halloween Special short it ran long. Haarlep holds a costume party, where almost everyone is invited. The guests quickly remember their host is an incubus as the events take a turn for the delicious. CW and Tags - Sex toys, group sex, biting, blood, double penetration, BDSM, heavier bondage, brat, brat taming, costumes, orgy

ATG Winter Holiday Special - The Fiend's Feast

Another special so not in the timeline, but after the Halloween special. Haarlep is hosting another party, and even though they knew what to expect this time the guests are still caught by surprise with a few little gifts from the incubus. CW and Tags - group sex, orgy, bondage, power play, biting, blood, control, mild knife play

ATG Side Story - Villain? Saviour.

The last side story so far, Raphael swoops in at the last moment to save Tav from an untimely demise, and finds himself...caring? No, that can't be right...can it? A softer side to Raphael, until he realises the incubus has poisoned the healing potions with their devious plans. CW and Tags - implied aphrodisiac, power play, hurt/comfort, willpower bondage

The Prequel Series - Scent of Cinnamon

With only 2 chapters so far (but more to follow), this is my newest series, a prequel to the games intending to follow from the first meeting of Raphael and Haarlep until the beginning of the game. It may synch to ATG canon, but will otherwise focus far more on the Cambion and the incubus and the relationship they share.

The Cambion, The Gift, and The Contract

The very first meeting, also establishing Haarlep before they became Haarlep and what they looked like. The incubus steps in to the mansion in Avernus to meet their new Master, the one they've been sent to spy on, carrying nothing but the clothes on their back and specific instructions. They don't even have a name any more, trading everything away for the promise of far greater rewards if they succeed. Meanwhile, a young Raphael does not have time or patience to entertain the idea of another attempted distraction, until they both realise there might just be a way that both can get what they want. All it takes is a little contract... CW and Tags - Mostly talking but sets up the premise, slow burn, devilish deals

The Contract, The Kiss, and The Cambion’s Pride

The talking is over, the deal must now be seen through. Raphael gets a taste of what the incubus can do, while the newly named Haarlep claims ownership of their own Master, ensuring he will remember every inch of their body when they give it up to become his double as they both agreed. This includes Haarlep giving Raphael a taste of both forms they can take, to ensure nothing about them can be forgotten. CW and Tags - Oral sex, mild choking, genderfluid character, changing physical form, power play, BDSM, sub!Raphael, Dom!Haarlep, rough oral sex, mild blood, light choking

One Shots and Shorts

Short Drabbles (Mixed)

These are all mixed chapters, but several feature Raphael and/or Haarlep. Many are only a few paragraphs or a page at most. Tavs are unique to these works and not part of continuity Brat Raphael - Haarlep lacks patience. How To Tease A Devil - f!Tav and Haarlep enjoy playing with a submissive Raphael. Raphael Being Bad At Sex - f!Tav finally gets to sleep with Raphael instead of Haarlep and finds it isn't the same. Self Indulgence With Devils - Raphael and Haarlep tease f!Tav The Devil On Your Shoulder - Second Person, Haarlep helps inspire "you" to write. The Muse's Return - Second Person, "you" have been struggling to write recently, but luckily Haarlep is home to help... Confession: The Devil Gets His Due - inspired by a confession blog, power bottom Dom!Raphael demands m!Tav satisfies him. The Shrew Who Tamed The Incubus - Haarlep is surprised by m!OC Shrew as he seeks only warmth and care, not sex. Soft, warm, loving...Haarlep is confused but fine with it. The Morning After The Artist's Dreams - Inspired by a Tumblr artist. An artist wakes up in Haarlep's bed to find the incubus perched on the end suggestively. ---

Gala of the Damned

Raphael needs to attend a ball for the powerful and influential fiends of the Nine Hells, but he needs a date. Haarlep reluctantly takes on their Archduchess form, wearing a corset and overall far too many clothes for their liking. Later, Haarlep makes a corset out of Raphael with cruel metal hooks and ribbon, taking what they feel is owed for the night. CW and Tags - BDSM, power play, bondage, hooks, piercings, pain play

The Mouse Trap

f!Tav goes a little far in pushing Raphael, working to her favour as he shows a far more dominant side. CW and tags - Dom!Raphael, BDSM, Pain Play, blood, brat, impatient sex, power play

The Sleepless Dream

2nd person short fic, where Haarlep is "your" sleep paralysis demon. CW and Tags - Insomnia, Teasing, Power play

----------------------------- ----------------------------- COMPLETE LIST AS OF 4th January 2024 ----------------------------- -----------------------------

For a full list of ALL of my works, including word counts, pairings, and summaries, please check out my Carrd! I keep it up to date with each new link.

[transfigurationofelle]

He makes everything so easy...

My life has taken an amazing turn over the past years but I haven't really had an outlet to share mainly due to privacy concerns (and no friends lolololol). But today it got me thinking about all the diary blogs I used to read as a teen that inspired me and were outlets for the writers themselves... Blogs like that have mostly died out these days though because of the Googlfication of the internet. These days no small blogs or forums appear in search and it sucks soooo much. But anyway, I remembered tumblr was still around so here's me trying it out. I'm actually nervous. Now, to get to the main point of this post (lol). I've been seeing this new guy (going on dates, nothing more) since November 2023 and it's been so amazing. We first met on the first week of November and on the day I wanted to cancel because I wasn't feeling good (personal life challenges). In the end I decided to go and I can't express enough how glad I am I did because ever since then this guy has been making such an effort to make life easier for me. It's interesting because even the other guys I'm currently dating or have dated before have tried to do that in some way for me too but this one just does it on a different level. It's the way he does things and the things that he does, without hesitation.

On the night of our date I ended up getting really tired and was yawning a lot. Tell me why the next day he just sent me $1000? with the message "take yourself to the spa and get some waffles". The waffle part really got me because I'd only mentioned briefly that I hadn't eaten waffles in a long time. It was such a minor detail in our conversation the night before. It might not sound like a big deal but it really made me feel cared for especially with everything that's been going on in my personal life. I've also never had someone be so expressive after the first date but I love it and want more of it lol!! For our next date we had dinner at a French restaurant. The food sucked but I love how intimate the restaurant was, I liked the feeling of being "alone" with him. We were there for hours until they closed and then he found a little bar for us to go to and they had a rooftop which was empty!! At this point things started to get really heated. I don't usually kiss my dates until like the third or fourth date (or never) but I honestly wanted to kiss him the moment I saw him (help me). So when he went in for the kiss I didn't hold back lol. Of course I made sure to go home before anything went too far but then I didn't see him for weeks and it was so gruesome haha.

So I didn't get to see him for a while because I was dealing with a lot of personal things and then ended up having a bit of a financial challenge. I wasn't going to say anything but he told me I can't keep postponing on him and if I don't like him I should just tell him. Uh OMG NO, if only he knew how into him I am... But because of this I just sort of let him know what was going on and he responded so quickly asking how much I needed??? Not only that but then he sent double 😩 This is the life I was born for I swear hahaha. Naturally I let him see me that week and we played tennis then had lunch but I cut it short because I had to go fix my life. Things are much better in my personal life now and I haven't gotten to see him yet this year. He went to visit his family for the holidays and is away on business this week but he said when he gets back it's go time!!! I seriously can't wait to see what we get up to

[cemchelarna]

Updates and housekeeping

Hello! It’s been a while since I last used this blog properly so I’m not sure how many people following me are still active, but I thought I’d do a quick update anyway.

I took a long break from tumblr for a while, which was definitely the right decision, but as I’ve discovered new hobbies and passions and interests, I found myself missing fandom interactions and that sense of community and just generally having a place to talk about things I like with fellow fans. Therefore, I’ve decided I want to make a proper return to using tumblr. My original plan was to just delete this blog and start anew, but as I was looking back through all my old stuff, I realised I couldn’t just delete it all. I’ve had this blog for well over ten years now and looking at old posts was like looking through a diary (albeit  a very cringe one at times), but I’m sentimental and don’t like the thought of getting rid of something that’s like a time capsule from my angsty teenage years. Not to get soppy on main, but I’ve changed so much as a person in that time and this blog has seen me through so much and so deleting it just felt wrong. 

So, the plan now is to keep this same blog and just rebrand a bit to fit more with my current interests. I’ve deleted some of my really old/cringe posts (god I really did post some absolute shit back then) but apart from that most other stuff will stay. I still love Hannibal and it will always have a place in my heart, but now feels like a good time for a url change to sort of mark the start of a new era or whatever. I love organising and tagging stuff so I’ll be keeping this blog as a place for whatever I’m currently interested in (which now includes stuff like hollow knight, the elder scrolls, and the goblin emperor series) and I’ll keep my sideblog as a place for everything else (memes, shitposts, reblogging cool art etc) and I’ll get round to organising that at some point too. 

Not sure where I’m really going with this but that’s about all I have to say, so if you’ve read this far, thanks! Feel free to drop by and say hi or whatever as I’m always up for new friends.

[audaciousamadeus]

So it begins

Many times in my life I tried to keep a diary. It's such a fad when you're a child, it's just what people do (usually, what girls do). It was an attempt to recognise my own emotions as a young adult of 23 years of age. Now, nearing my 30s, it is a gift to my future self.

Possibly, this is the right reasoning to make the habit stick and to shut down the overthinking that usually stops me from posting things. Let's try to be positive this time. And on Tumblr because that's how we roll.

This didn't come out of nowhere, of course.

One month ago I was at a traditional Bosnian wedding. After the bride and the groom had their first dance, the best man dragged me to the dance floor. Throughout my life, I've been known to not be the dancing or partying type. There's an aspect to identity which is reinforced by the context, be that people or places, in which we are immersed in. I've found that one of the wonders of changing surroundings and peers so often is that one can more easily let go of such constraints. At that moment, the once so self-conscious me was nowhere to be found. No one pointed out her absence. Not the audience nor the dancing partner, for no one there knew her. Amen.

The dancing continued for hours and I felt myself improve. Could it be due to alcohol? Most likely, yes. It did seem extremely logical to my inebriated mind, however, that I and the best man had compatible ways of responding to each other's feedback in ways that helped us improve, and that this would translate well in a relationship. Absolutely moronic and just enough to generate interest.

Coming back, we decided to meet and he showed me his private blog. Smooth. He cooked for me, we drank, we danced, we sang, we connected. Coming from a different field and social bubble, his views challenged me but in a non-aggravating, refreshing way.

The lack of empathy that tinged his comments at times scared me, as did the gap between our financial situations. I hate imbalances, they pave the way for unhealthy dynamics. These stopped me from going all in but seemed resolvable with good communication and organisation. With continued communication over the next days, came the sinking realisation that:

Either he was used to putting in less effort into relationships than me, or

He had lost interest within 1 or 2 weeks but continued talking to me

And with either case, I have decided, after almost 30 years on this Earth one of my requirements is for someone to actually love me back. Earlier this year I decided I needed to be attracted to someone to start a relationship. We're really going places in 2024.

He revealed that he truly wasn't interested in a romantic relationship, which wasn't much of a surprise. Still, it made me feel a hollow type of pain which was unnexpectedly overshadowed by a sense of inner warmth and peace throughout that weekend. On the afternoon of that Sunday however, I realised that I saw the moments in which we danced and sang together with immense fondness and would miss them dearly. Two activities that I have not been comfortable doing around anyone else.

Something in me told me that our interactions would survive and there was hope for us to do that again, platonically. Therefore... I asked him if we ever could repeat that in a non-romantic way. Maybe he interpreted that as me having a hidden agenda to seduce him but I cannot be damned and don't think this is a good time to explain why I also wouldn't pursue that further. That would seem very salty and this is far from what I feel. I suppose people are not used to direct expressions of "pure" intentions.

His reply gave me hope that we could enjoy each other as friends in the future and I'm glad I asked. I also need to take my time to recover until that can happen.

In the meanwhile a friend has given his opinion on the whole ordeal and has said that the guy was most likely intimidated by me intellectually (*laughing track in the back*), and that I sabotage intimacy with nervousness by acting cynically - making the other person feel insecure. Shots fucking fired!

Things learned:

Dancing is actually nice.

Blogging seems to have its benefits.

Seeing potential is not enough, the other person needs to see it too.

I will only pursue someone who I am attracted to and that is head over heels, insanely in love with me, is caring, passionate about their interests, open-minded, witty and is into mutual support and growth. Is that too much to ask for? Apparenly, yes.

I thought I was being annoyingly vulnerable and found out I have to be yet more vulnerable. This is horrible news!

My blogging endeavours are, therefore, an STD from a situationship. Alas, that situationship is no more but the damage is done.

Contagious, nasty stuff that stays after the heartbreak.

I want to use this to process my feelings and thoughts and to entertain and shape my future self. I want to remind her what it's like to be a bit of a fool and to remember the mundane but magical moments of my present.

Days of morning exercise before work. Indulging in treats from the local café. Laidback interactions with colleagues. Intellectual stimulation from podcasts, audiobooks, scientific papers and discussions. Watching the night fall on the London skyline in my flat while debating whimsical and grotesque would-you-rathers with my lovely and deranged flatmate, sitting next to a needy Bengal cat. We're watching some Western with Javier Bardem. God, I hate cowboys.

I'll cherish these moments forever.

XOXO,

Ms (not-so-audacious) Amadeus

[theadelaidediaries]

About The Adelaide Diaries

Hi!

My name is Leyla, I’m 22 years old and most importantly, I’m an Aquarius. 

I recently graduated from the University of Adelaide with a Bachelor’s Degree in Media and Journalism. I decided to start this blog to give myself a creative outlet that I could use to showcase my skills in writing, journalism and storytelling. Along the way, I have also learnt some useful skills in web design and photography. Currently, this blog is like my own public diary. I write about the things I have done in and around Adelaide, and hopefully soon, in and around the world. 

The aim of my blog is allow me to feel more comfortable with sharing my work to a public audience. I also hope that people gain something from reading my posts, whether it be trying out the activities I write about, or inspiring them to start a blog of their own.

At the moment, I am taking small steps in figuring out what I want this blog to be, and who my target audience is. Eventually, I want my blog to become its own brand. Once I develop a solid foundation, I will start promoting it more using tags, social media, and analytics. I will also move away from Tumblr and onto a Wordpress site. Although, that is all still a while away just yet.

I have really been enjoying writing my Winter Bucketlist series, and reflecting on the different ways I have been keeping myself entertained. Most of my posts centre around my friends, and this will most likely be a recurring theme in future posts as well because they are such an important aspect of my life. I hope to continue to see this series grow and evolve, and look forward to what else is to come.

I hope you enjoy reading my blog as much as I enjoy writing it. 

[deadcactuswalking]

FAQ: REVIEWING THE CHARTS

Hi, i'm cactus, I maintain a primarily chart music-based review blog that is direly unsuccessful. I figured that I'd take the time today to note down some answers to some questions about me and my blog series REVIEWING THE CHARTS that mean I don't have to explain things week by week and new readers can have everything in a nice comfy place.

Q: What is your real name?

cactus. As far as you know I was Christened cactus, so call me cactus.

Q: Why the UK Singles Chart?

The UK is the country I unfortunately live in and as a result I know the most about its popular music traditions and trends. Additionally, it's also the country whose pop music affects me the most, i.e. listening to the radio or talking to friends and family about music.

Q: Why the UK Top 75?

For years I have covered the top 75 instead of the top 100 and this isn't so that I have less work to do. I used to cover just the top 40, but I expanded this into the top 75 in 2020. This is because, firstly, acharts.co is a pretty cool website and secondly, the British Market Research Bureau, considered to reflect the "official chart" during its existence by the Official Charts Company, had a top 75 for a moment. This was in response to rival record industry publications publishing top 100 charts, and therefore I decided to stick to the top 75, because if there's anything that represents the UK to me, it's trying to one-up your rivals doing something objectively better than you by being only 25% less inadequate.

Q: You're just a Spectrum Pulse rip-off.

That's not a question and yes, yes I am. Except with somehow even worse takes (love you Mark).

Q: Do you ever talk about anything else?

No. And I never will. On a serious note, whilst I do pride myself in how my chart review episodes go into... weirder territory than most chart reviewers, I don't often talk about non-charting music on this blog. I do have a RateYourMusic account however, and in my listening logs, I talk about music I listen to inside and outside of the charts as well as some movies. You can see those at the account exclusivelytopostown.

On this blog, outside of the UK Singles Chart, I've also done a vintage year-end 'best hits' list these past two years for years in the 2000s, using the Billboard Hot 100, and I'll probably end up doing the same this year. I've also talked about SpongeBob and will have a Pokémon-related post out in the next month, and honestly I want to broaden the scope of this blog sooner more than later. However, this is primarily still a weekly chart review blog and will stay that way for a while.

Q: Why Tumblr?

I started it on Tumblr, I'll end it on Tumblr.

Q: When does this series end?

When I or Lewis Capaldi dies.

Q: When will you die?

(checks diary) Tuesday the 6th.

Q: Why should I read your blog?

Because what other angry lesbian talking about the nuances of D-Block Europe could you possibly find on the Internet?

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy whatever else you end up reading on here.

[handheldheaven]

Alright I'm making this pinned post to neutralize my tumblr since things have changed within the past couple years and with those years have come controversy. I know no one cares about this but this is a weight I've been carrying that I feel like I need to relieve.

In the spring of 2021, I had a mental health episode that left me the most depressed I've ever felt. It came from a number of sources, including but not limited to:

Covid shutdowns making me stay at home and away from school and friends

Being forced to stay home with my very conservative mother, who I've had to sort my feelings about

My best friend at the time deciding I was no longer welcome in their life with zero explanation

Mental health issues that weren't acknowledged at the time of my suicidal ideation

This all lead to me having an "awakening" where I became a born-again Christian who suddenly loved life. With that, unfortunately, came being conservative and everything-phobic. It was like a flip switched in my mind and my personality took a total 180.

Before my ideation, I had already taken an unannounced hiatus from social media. I saw what it was doing to me while isolated from the public, and I didn't like it. I was away from March to September of that same year, and slowly came back to tumblr. I had started working and going out again, and my toxic beliefs faded the more I stayed away from the internet. I spent the next year building myself again and figuring out what it is I wanted from life; if I'm honest, I still don't know what I'm looking for. My "phase" ended by the beginning of 2022.

Fast forward to December 2022. I reached out to my prior best friend to see if they wanted to reconnect. I was unaware of what fatal sin I could have committed for them to drop me out of nowhere and ignore me when I saw them in public spaces. The response to my inquiry was hostile; they revealed they had been stalking my tumblr even when my hiatus occurred, as they knew I had brought them up in an update post I had made when I came back (granted, I called them a cunt, but that was how I was feeling at that time).

They also brought up a post I made but can no longer recollect about their ex and how annoyed I was by them not moving on from their experience with him after months of self agony. I was never the person to go to for comfort as it is something I struggle with, and this friend knew that. I had tried to provide comfort, but ultimately this friend needed help from a professional. I also used my tumblr more as a diary when I was younger (word to the wise, don't do that). I don't know how or why they'd find my tumblr in the first place. I explained myself and my feelings/truth on the matter, and apologized to the points they made. One point they brought up was me being a "terf" despite me admittedly not being one and only rarely posting my opinions on things on my blog. They then sent a final message, which I deleted because they blocked me.

A couple weeks ago, I tried messaging a mutual friend of ours through discord to catch up. They ultimately pretended to not know who I was, then "suddenly remember", and tell me that I was racist and treated our friend terribly during a traumatic time in their life. I was also blocked before I could explain myself. This struck me as odd, because this person played no part in the drama between Friend 1 and I, and I still have no idea what racist things I said/did despite them saying "you know what you did". Later on I asked my best friend who was part of our circle his take on it, and he said these two tried "exposing" me as racist during the time of my ideation because of microaggressions, which they didn't provide evidence for. I also found this reasoning weird because I was chronically online at that point in my life and obsessively tried my hardest to not be offensive towards people.

Scattered between 2021 and the present day have been other events that lead me to realizing I'm both autistic and suffering from BPD. These aren't excuses for any problematic behavior or relationship follies I've committed; these are explanations. I feel the first step to beginning my healing journey is to be open and admit this behavior.

I also want to clear the air in case I've burned bridges on here as well. My tumblr does a good job at reflecting my various mental states throughout the years, and I'm hoping this post can explain why I've gone through different phases. I miss posting on this account. I miss who I was when I first started this blog, and I want to post more of my original posts and find a community again. I want to feel safe again.

So, in sum:

I am NOT a conservative Christian, nor am I a TERF

I don't know my sexuality and my straight phase was kind of cringe

This is my personal blog, therefore I will occasionally talk about irl events and people. It's your fault if you're snooping.

Communication is key to solving misunderstandings