#hi im struggling during midterms and i wrote this

[rogueonestan]

shereshoy

shereshoy - wanting to live everyday to its fullest and more

word count: 2.3k

pairing: the mandalorian (din djarin) x reader

summary: din reveals his true feelings for you through an anecdote from his childhood.

masterlist

Faint laughter and the sound of the soft splashes of the nearby lake are what calls Din’s name.

So when he returns back to the Crest after a quick supply run to find you and the kid enjoying yourselves, he can’t help but smile underneath his helmet. 

The sight isn’t much to see. You’re laying down on the grassy floor as the green little baby is currently running around as he’s trying to catch something. The baby will leap towards his prey, only for the prey to run away, resulting in the baby giggling as you follow suit. To others, it may not be much, but to Din, it’s everything. It’s been such a long time since he’s experienced this kind of feeling before. He can’t exactly put his feelings into words, but it’s a feeling that he never wants to go away. It’s a feeling that he used to feel all the time with his family back on Aq Vetina before he was taken in by the Mandalorians. It’s a feeling he's associated with the life that was stripped from him. A life that he always dreamt that he would be able to get back someday. 

The closer he gets to where you and the baby are, the more his heart soars. The baby continually is running around, enjoying himself, as your eyes remain close as you take everything in. You don’t even notice his return until he makes himself known. 

“Enjoying ourselves?” 

You didn’t realize that you were in such a trance until you’re greeted with the familiar ‘T’ visor that you’ve familiarized yourself with over the past few months. The tranquility of your surroundings are what made you first lose yourself in the moment. From the baby’s giggles to hearing the birds sing to the soft waves hitting against the rocks in the nearby lake, it was easy to lose track of time. 

“You’re back.” A soft hum comes from Din in response as you continue, “how was your trip?”

“Good. There’s a local town that’s a few miles up north and I was able to stock up on a few things that we were running low on.” Now it’s your return to mimic your partner and hum in response, “it’s a nice little town, you would enjoy it. Maybe all three of us could go there tomorrow.”

“I would like that. Were you looking for anything in particular while you were there?”

“No.” Yes, but it’s not like he would tell you that- not yet, anyways. 

“Do you want lunch? I was just thinking of making some.”

“You stay- I’ll go make it.” 

A few rebuttals leave your lips, saying that you can do it and pointing out that he just returned, but Din ignores your pleas, insisting that you continue resting and watch over the kid.

As Din leaves to go back inside the Crest to put his purchases away, what makes him walk a little bit faster is the laughter that comes from both you and the baby. How in the galaxy he was able to be blessed with a life as good as his, Din will never know. After all of the ugly decisions he’s made in the past, he’s one of the last people who deserves a life as great as his. To be able to wake up every single day and know that he has a new family that will support him through anything. To have someone as devoted and generous, traits that his own mother had, is something that he thinks about as he makes the three of you lunch.

The lunch that Din ends up making is something that you’ve had on multiple occasions before, just a stew made out of the items that he picked up from market earlier, but it’s the company of Din and the soft breeze brushing against your cheek that makes it so much better. When Din comes out with the two bowls of food, a smile immediately appears on your face as the spices from food linger in the air. The feeling of fresh air that you got used to now is mixed with the scent of Din’s cooking. It’s not often that you get to eat home cooked meals, let alone meals made by Din, but it’s a welcome rarity. Din’s cooking isn’t the best that you’ve ever had, but his skills improve each time he prepares food for you.

The spices in the stew are a bit intense at first. You nearly choked on the pure flavor of peppers that surprised you at first, but the more you eat, more like devour, your food, the more you enjoy it.

“How is it?” He asks. 

When you look over at him, you notice that he doesn’t have a bowl of food in front of him, giving the baby the other bowl, as he studies your actions. Nearly half of the food is already gone. 

“It’s really good, Din.” With a smile on your face, you cover one of your hands as you take another bite.

“Yeah?”

You nod your head at him. The food that’s in your mouth is a little bit more difficult to chew as you try to fight the smile that’s threatening to appear on your face. The idea of not only him making lunch for you, but also wanting to know your thoughts on it as well is what makes you smile.

The hand that covered your mouth a moment ago covers your partner’s hand. 

The warmth that radiates from the palm of your hand is the same warmth that fills Din’s body. The transition of your relationship going from friendly to romantic is a recent change, so the feeling of your skin touching his is a new one. Foreign but welcomed. 

“It’s much better than the last meal you made for us.” A chuckle leaves his modulator.

The last time Din cooked a meal for the three of you was only a few weeks ago, but it was so disastrous. After seeing how tired you were by watching the baby for a few days, Din offered to keep an eye on him as you used the refresher. Once you finished, the sight you returned to was not what you expected. Din wanted to surprise you with a warm meal, but instead of spices from the food lingering in the air, the smell of smoke welcomed you once you finished what you were doing in the refresher. As you rushed out, you saw that Din was struggling to look over the baby and cook simultaneously. In summary, you ended up eating dinner from the local town that night. 

“That wasn’t my fault.”

“I never said it was. I’m just saying that you’re getting better. Who knows, maybe next time you’ll be able to cook a meal that doesn’t have anything to do with burning.”

“I didn’t burn this one.”

“Tell that to my mouth.”

“Oh.”

“It’s still good though!” You reassure him, interlacing your fingers with him as you give his hand a soft squeeze, “just, don’t go as heavy with the pepper next time, my love.” 

“Hmm.”

The baby feels the same way of Din’s cooking as you do because half of his meal is on his face as he takes gigantic mouthfuls. How he hasn’t choked on his food yet is a miracle. 

“Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Later.”

“Din-“

“I promise, ner cyare, I’ll eat later.”

As much as you hate to scold him, you drop the subject. Din isn’t the best when it comes to looking after himself, but he’s getting better at it thanks to you. You know that he would never break a promise he’s made to you. 

“Well, then I guess we should start heading back inside.” You say as you lay your free hand behind you to support yourself, but before you’re able to, Din’s hand squeezes yours.

“Cyar’ika, if it’s alright with you, I would like to stay out here for a little bit longer.”

You nod your head as your body goes back into its relaxed position. You’re not one to say no to spend a little more time with him, but you really want to make sure that he, too, is able to enjoy the food that he worked so hard on.

“Whatever you want, Din.”

Giving your hand one final squeeze, he tries to force out the words that have been stuck in his throat ever since he returned, but he still doesn’t have enough courage to say them.

“I lied earlier, well, kind of.” 

“What do you mean?”

“When I left earlier, I wasn’t looking for anything in particular when I was in town, but supplies weren't the only thing that I got.”

There’s more that he wants to say, but he doesn’t know how to say it. He knows exactly what he wants to say, but he doesn’t know how to say it.

“When I was younger, my mother, she-“ Din cuts himself off. The right words just can't seem to leave his mouth. But that’s okay because you’re more than patient as you wait for him to continue on. Being so open and vulnerable about his feelings and thoughts is very new for Din, but you would wait for an eternity just to hear what he has to say. 

The soft yet reassuring squeeze of your hand is what makes him continue, “Something that my father used to do to show his love for my mother was to surprise her with gifts when he got home from work. We didn’t have much money to live off of so he didn’t do it that often, but it always brought a smile to my mother’s face whenever he did. 

And my mother did the same. I remember helping her pick out a gift for my dad. It was something that we would always look forward to and it was a tradition between the two of them. Once a month they would surprise each other with a gift, the other not knowing when it would happen, and it’s something that I would like to do as well, with you.” 

The last of his words barely managed to come through his modulator. Just thinking about his parents brings tears to his eyes, let alone telling a story about them. It’s been such a long time since he’s revealed something as special as a memory of his parents that he reflects on a lot. Every time he’s thought of them lately, it’s always been of the last day that he got to spend with them. But maybe now, he’ll be able commemorate them by carrying on one of their traditions with you. 

Like Din, tears brim your eyes. Not only is this the first time Din revealed his true feelings to you by saying the word ‘love’, but he also revealed something to you that no one else in the entire galaxy knows. You knew that he harbored the same feelings as you do (he never spoke them outright), but revealing such an intimate thing from his childhood just shows how much he loves you.

Not only did he share a story from his childhood, but he wants to entwine it with your lives.

“I would love that.”

“You would?”

“More than anything.”

Suddenly, Din reaches in one of his many pockets to fish something out. Within a matter of seconds, a small mesh bag is in his free hand. The white color of the bag stands out by the contrast of Din’s dark glove.

When you take the small bag from his hand, you can feel your heartbeat in your throat. In all of the time you’ve spent with him, you don’t think you’ve ever been this nervous around Din.

Gently pulling on the strings that have secured the gift inside, you let go of Din’s hand to take a peek of what’s inside.

A small gasp leaves your lips as you look inside. With one of your hands out, his gift to you lays in the middle of your palm. 

“I know it’s not much, but it reminded me of you.” Your focus is entirely on what he has given you. What lays in your palm is a simple gold ring. Not much can be said about it: it has a simple band, no jewels or anything, but it has a textured feeling to it by the years it’s lived. 

“It’s perfect.”

“So you like it?”

“I love it, thank you.” You say as you admire the way the ring reflects off of sunlight. When it’s on your finger, it may not look like much, but you’ll be able to remember this afternoon because of the ring. You’ll be able to remember the way you’re feeling, how much you love your partner, and how he shared such a big part of himself with a simple ring.

“If I had known, I would’ve gotten you something as well.”

“Getting to wake up by your side and call you mine is the best gift I could ever want.”

His name leaves your lips as you groan at his cheesiness. 

Din’s hand tugs on yours to pull you closer to him, but before you’re able to, the baby that’s been almost radio silent this entire time finally decides to make his appearance as his hand pulls at Din’s sleeve. 

“We’ll continue this later.” He says as he scoops up the little baby and makes his way back to the ship.

You can’t hear what he’s saying to the baby, but your heart soars at the sight of your partner shifting from his romantic confession to his role as a father-like figure to the little one. Just thinking about what your partner meant is what makes you quickly pick up the bowls you used for lunch and follow your partner inside.

taglist (i don’t have one yet but let me know if you want to be added):

[isamabella]

Any tips for those of us going into our freshman year of college? Thank you for your time!

 Sooooo I definitely accidentally wrote you a literal 2 page essay with horrible grammar so im very very sorry ahead of time and I'm sure you regret asking😬

I think the first thing that comes to mind is be flexible. I used to plan out classes months ahead of time and make back up plans. That’s great, but freshman got last pick for classes. Even more if your last name was toward the end of the alphabet like mine. This meant classes I planned ahead of time were waitlisted or closed by the time I could enroll. This often left me frantic even though it it worked out every time. The Nevada higher education system also “encourages” students to take 15 credits per semester instead of 12. By encourage, I mean threatening to take financial aid away. I think knowing that was hanging over my head and ability to pay for school only made it worse. So yes, make a plan, but don’t be so rigid that you’re basically anxious every day because of it. Most people change majors multiple times. I changed it 3 times in a year and a half. If you decide to do a minor, don’t feel pressure to make it related to whatever your career goals are. I did my bachelors in public health with a minor in addiction treatment services. They went well together, but I chose the minor because I was interested in it. If you want to be an art major with a biology minor, go for it.

Find balance! I struggle with this constantly and I’m 6 years and two degrees in. I won’t tell you not to procrastinate, because that’s how I operate. So many people would tell me to “just get it done early”. It’s just not how I work even now. I will say try not to binge study. Even when you’re studying the night before an exam, take breaks. It probably sounds like common sense, but just like times when I procrastinate, I also have the terrible habit of trying to learn everything at once. I did this the other day actually. I learned 148 anatomical terms and locations in about 7 hours for a 15 question quiz. I should’ve taken breaks and spread out the time frame.

Professors! You’re going to have some loose butthole professors. Generally though, just be respectful of them. College students can be massive assholes toward the professors, don’t be another one. I’d also encourage utilizing office hours. I never did and I actually think I put myself at a disadvantage. Oh! I was a TA my senior year for my friend’s class. From my perspective as a TA, once again don’t be a jerk. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. From experience, professors want to help. Side note, some like hearing you liked the topic and stuff like that. Especially when it’s a rough class. Be genuine though. Don’t do it to suck up. It’s hard to teach huge classes. My friend’s was 180 the semester I was his TA. There were a couple times when he just said he was done teaching for the day, because of how terrible some of the students were being in class. Most professors are trying their best. Remember that. They’re human too.

Kind of odd, but please know how to write an email! One of my many roommates I’ve had over the years took the class I TA’d with her friend. Her friend emailed me asking about the midterm. The problem was that her email didn't have her actual name, there was no general greeting like “hey”, there was no signature, AND no subject line. So I didn’t answer it. She ended up asking me when she was at my apartment one night why I didn't answer. You won’t get an answer if you don’t do the bare minimum of writing a decent email.

Know your student ID number. You may or may not need it, but know it or have it on your phone in case.

For the love of god, if you need a question answered for a class, check the syllabus multiple times before emailing. Kind of related, I work at one of my school’s offices, and the idea of researching applies here too. I can’t tell you how many times students ask why they got kicked out of classes or why they didn’t graduate. It usually comes down to whether they actually paid their fees. Sometimes they don’t even declare a program! They don’t look at their school account regularly where they would see all this info. One graduate student actually told me they didn’t know why the school was threatening to kick them out of classes. What happened is that they enrolled in a class after school started and didn’t pay for it. They thought they did by magic I guess, because even though they thought they paid it, they also said they didn’t make an actual payment. PLEASE DON’T BE THAT STUDENT. Know how to register for classes, be aware of enrollment deadlines, and tuition deadlines too. On that note, MEET WITH YOUR ADVISOR BEFORE YOU ENROLL EACH SEMESTER. They’re there to help you! My undergrad advisor switched my curriculum to the newer one my junior year so I didn’t have to take an extra class.

Don’t be afraid to try out new things. I was always afraid to go into theatre or participate in other clubs. I regret that so much to this day. For me, it wasn’t even about making friends. It was about gaining new experiences and exploring what I liked. So if your school does a club fair- virtual or otherwise- go for it and try something out. You don’t have to commit, but it’s worth a try!

Know your resources! That professor I’m friends with? He talks to students about addiction, suicide, sexual assault, and just life in general. Before working with him as a part of  two student organizations, I didn’t know how to help myself or others in situations like I mentioned earlier. School wasn’t very good about putting out those resources, because colleges in general don't want to admit these are issues students deal with. My school has counseling, $5 therapy by the grad students getting licensed, and a school psychiatrist. I’d recommend knowing how to get in touch with all your school’s mental health resources. Remember, you don’t have to be in crisis to go to therapy.

BIGGEST LESSON:

You’ll be studying and doing homework a lot, so really try enjoy everything else. I’m a huge introvert so I basically have about 1 really good friend from school and he was my professor (the one I TA’d for). I love him to death, but I wish I wasn’t so worried about what others thought (and still think) about me. I don’t drink or use drugs so it was really hard finding people that didn’t pressure or question my decisions about it. Find your people. If they’re not right for you, don’t be afraid to let them go. That’s probably the biggest piece of advice I would give myself 5 years ago. The good times aren’t worth it if your friends cause you to feel bad during the rest of the time. I can honestly say the “friend” group I had for most of undergrad was the root of my sudden depressive episodes, disordered eating behaviors, constant anger that I internalized, and engaging in behaviors that I didn’t know were considered to be on the suicidal ideation scale. It was an endless cycle. They weren't bad people, but they were bad for me. I think it took years to finally come to terms with it, because prior to college, I never had problems with friends and I was never involved in drama so I had no clue how I was supposed to handle all the problems. The cherry on top was that I lived with these people so I couldn’t just leave. In retrospect, I think those friendships were borderline emotionally and mental abusive. The constant walking on eggshells because of the hot and cold environment was a lot. Know your worth and enjoy your college time!

Sorry for the novel, but there was just so much to write about. If there’s something specific, let me know and I’ll try and help. :)

@archetypal-archivist