#hi honey i’m homo

[queerliblib]

THE MADNESS BEGINS. Sixteen gay-as-hell books compete for the ultimate prize: bragging rights. 

Last year's Queer Books March Madness was dominated by underdog @joydemorra's Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites. Will another sleeper contender snag the (extremely metaphorical) trophy, or will a heavy hitter like Gideon the Ninth claim the title? YOU DECIDE. 

Voting for Round 1 is up in our Insta stories from 10 AM 3/17 to 10 AM 3/18 (EST). Votes in the comments ✨will not count!✨

All the nominations are from our bracket are available for free through QLL’s Libby collection. Check 'em out and get reading: https://tinyurl.com/QLL-MM24

Want to support our mission of by connecting LGBTQ+ people with literature, information, and resources that celebrate our community? Donate at the link in our bio!

<3 HAPPY MADNESS. 🏀📚☄️

[renthony]

In Defense of Shitty Queer Art

Queer art has a long history of being censored and sidelined. In 1895, Oscar Wilde’s novel The Picture of Dorian Gray was used as evidence in the author’s sodomy trials. From the 1930s to the 1960s, the American Hays Code prohibited depictions of queerness in film, defining it as “sex perversion.” In 2020, the book Steven Universe: End of an Era by Chris McDonnell confirmed that Rebecca Sugar’s insistence on including a sapphic wedding in the show is what triggered its cancellation by Cartoon Network. According to the American Library Association, of the top ten most challenged books in 2023, seven were targeted for their queer content. Across time, place, and medium, queer art has been ruthlessly targeted by censors and protesters, and at times it seems there might be no end in sight.

So why, then, are queer spaces so viciously critical of queer art?

Name any piece of moderately-well-known queer media, and you can find immense, vitriolic discourse surrounding it. Audiences debate whether queer media is good representation, bad representation, or whether it’s otherwise too problematic to engage with. Artists are picked apart under a microscope to make sure their morals are pure enough and their identities queer enough. Every minor fault—real or perceived—is compiled in discourse dossiers and spread around online. Lines are drawn, and callout posts are made against those who get too close to “problematic art.”

Modern examples abound, such as the TV show Steven Universe, the video game Dream Daddy, or the webcomic Boyfriends, but it’s far from a new phenomenon. In his book Hi Honey, I’m Homo!, queer pop culture analyst Matt Baume writes about an example from the 1970s, where the ABC sitcom titled Soap was protested by homophobes and queer audiences alike—before a single episode of the show ever aired. Audiences didn’t wait to actually watch the show before passing judgment and writing protest letters.

After so many years starved for positive representation, it’s understandable for queer audiences to crave depictions where we’re treated well. It’s exhausting to only ever see the same tired gay tropes and subtext, and queer audiences deserve more. Yet the way to more, better, varied representation is not to insist on perfection. The pursuit of perfection is poison in art, and it’s no different when that art happens to be queer.

When the pool of queer art is so limited, it feels horrible when a piece of queer art doesn’t live up to expectations. Even if the representation is technically good, it’s disappointing to get excited for a queer story only for that story to underwhelm and frustrate you.

But the world needs that disappointing art. It needs mediocre art. It even needs the bad art. The world needs to reach a point where queer artists can fearlessly make a mess, because if queer artists can only strive for perfection, the less art they can make. They may eventually produce a masterpiece, but a single masterpiece is still a drop in the bucket compared to the oceans of censorship. The only way to drown out bigotry and offensive stereotypes created by bigots is to allow queer artists the ability to experiment, learn through making mistakes, and represent their queer truth even if it clashes with someone else’s.

If queer artists aren’t allowed to make garbage, we can never make those masterpieces everyone craves. If queer artists are terrified at all times that their art will be targeted both by bigots and their own queer communities, queer art cannot thrive.

Let queer artists make shitty art. Let allies to queer people try their hand at representation, even if they miss the mark. Let queer art be messy, and let the artists screw up without fear of overblown retribution.

It’s the only way we’ll ever get more queer art.

_

Like this essay? Tip me on Ko-Fi, pledge to my Patreon, or commission an essay on the topic of your choice!

[makingqueerhistory]

I’m actually serious about this, if at all possible, right now is a very good time to request queer books from your local library. Whether they get them or not is not in your control, but it is so important to show that there is a desire for queer books. I will also say getting more queer books in libraries and supporting queer authors are pretty fantastic byproducts of any action.

This isn’t something everyone can do, but please do see if you are one of the people who has the privilege to engage in this form of activism, and if you are, leverage that privilege for all you’re worth.

For anyone who can’t think of a queer book to request, here is a little list of some queer books that I think are underrated and might not be in circulation even at larger libraries:

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown

Silver Under Nightfall by Rin Chupeco     

Harvard's Secret Court: The Savage 1920 Purge of Campus Homosexuals by William Wright    

The Perks of Loving a Wallflower by Erica Ridley   

God Themselves by Jae Nichelle

IRL by Tommy Pico        

The Pink Line: Journeys Across the World's Queer Frontiers by Mark Gevisser

Passing Strange by Ellen Klages             

The New Queer Conscience by Adam Eli

Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl's Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom          

Queering the Tarot by Cassandra Snow              

Wash Day Diaries by Jamila Rowser

Queer Magic: Lgbt+ Spirituality and Culture from Around the World by Tomás Prower            

Before We Were Trans: A New History of Gender by Kit Heyam   

Beyond the Pale by Elana Dykewomon 

Hi Honey, I'm Homo! by Matt Baume      

The Deep by Rivers Solomon

Homie: Poems by Danez Smith

The Secret Life of Church Ladies by Deesha Philyaw  

The Companion by E.E. Ottoman 

Kapaemahu by Dean Hamer, Joe Wilson, Hinaleimoana Wong-Kalu

Sacrament of Bodies by Romeo Oriogun     

Witching Moon by Poppy Woods 

Tell Me I'm Worthless by Alison Rumfitt    

Dead Collections by Isaac Fellman    

Disintegrate/Dissociate by Arielle Twist           

Dear Senthuran: A Black Spirit Memoir by Akwaeke Emezi             

Peaches and Honey by Imogen Markwell-Tweed      

Nepantla: An Anthology Dedicated to Queer Poets of Color by Christopher Soto

[morgana-larkin]

Hiiiiii ! You are one of my fav fanfic authors 🥳 I wanted to kindly request a lil angstyyyy request plzzz maybe with a lil comfort (if you want 😗🤣) ! Where reader and Melissa were secretly together @ school but Mel wasn’t fully out to her family … so she settles for Joe and then regrets it later on. Years pass by and reader is visiting town, is an artist and has a art exhibition that the Abbot staff visit for fun 👀 and one portrait is almost identical to something special Melissa has and Melissa feels so connected to the artwork not realising she’s the inspo ! and then reader approaches her or idk something dramatic 🫣🫣🫣 !!! Onlyyyyy if ya wanna 🥳💕 TY

Hi Anon! I really liked this prompt and had fun imagining a little 18 year old Melissa in love. Also I’m so happy you like my fics! Not edited in the slightest and I hope you like it!

On another note: I’ve been starting Regina Mills x reader fics so if you like her from Once Upon A Time then feel free to check them out!

“Best Friends”

Warnings: homophobia

Words: 4.6k

“Hey! Give that back!” You tell the boys who just took your artwork.

“And why would we do that you homo.” They tease and you look down before looking back at them. “Maybe I’ll hand it off as my own, or maybe I’ll just rip it.” The leader says and the other boys laugh. He goes to rip it but then you feel someone pull you back and walk in front of you.

“Give it back Eric.” You hear Melissa say and they look at her.

“Oh look, the homo’s protector.” Eric says to her.

“I said give it back to her or my mom knows a guy that can make your life a living hell.” She says to him and he gives it back to her and walks away. Melissa walks up to you and gives you the artwork back. “It’s very good.” She tells you with a smile and you hug her.

“Thank you.” You tell her and she hugs you back.

“Of course Amore.” She says and secretly kisses your head. “I’ll always protect you.” She says. “Come on, we gotta get to class where you can turn in your beautiful art.” She says and you both walk to class.

After school she drives you to the park and you both stay in her car and you look at her.

“I don’t get why we have to do this in secret, I’m sure your family will still support and love you.” You tell her and she shakes her head.

“They won’t, this is Philly and we’re Italian.” She tells you. “But you know I love you.” She says and you smile before you lean forward and kiss her.

“I know, I just wish we didn’t have to hide.” You say and she moves some hair out of your face.

“I know, but this is how it has to be if you want to be with me.” She says softly and you rest your head on her chest.

“I understand, and I don’t want to let you go.” You tell her and she smiles before kissing your head and puts an arm around you.

“Do you want to come over to my house for dinner?” She asks and you nod.

“You know I’m surprised no one in your family has figured it out with how many times I’ve come over.” You tell her as she drives you both to her house.

You get to her place and you see a few of her siblings running around and a couple others doing homework while the rest aren’t home.

“Oh Melissa, I wanted to let you know that Joe is joining us for dinner tonight.” Teresa tells her daughter and Melissa looks at her.

“Why is he coming over?” Melissa asks.

“He likes you, honey. And I think you two would make a good match. Y/n, you know Melissa the best and you know Joe, don’t you think her and Joe would be good together?” Her mom asks you and you freeze.

“I guess they do have some things in common.” You tell her and Teresa smiles.

“I was going to spend the evening with Y/n tonight though.” Melissa tells her mom.

“You always spend the evening with Y/n, and I’m sure Y/n will understand if you two can’t spend one evening together.” Teresa says and they both look at you.

“Of course, I can leave now.” You tell them.

“Nonsense, we’ll feed you first and then Melissa can drive you home after.” Teresa tells you and you nod.

Melissa brings you upstairs to the room that she shares with Kristen Marie and you both sit on her bed.

“Your mom is trying to set you up with a man.” You tell her and she nods.

“I didn’t know she was going to do this.” She tells you and holds your hand.

“I know Mel, are you interested in him?” You ask her and she shakes her head.

“Maybe I would be if I wasn’t with you.” She says and you look at her. “But I honestly don’t care about anyone else as I already have someone.” She adds and you smile at her. “When I move out for college then we can be out together.” She tells you. “Just have to finish this year.” She tells you and you nod before you kiss each other.

At dinner, there’s tension in the room as Joe keeps trying to hit on Melissa and she’s not picking up on any hints and you’re just quietly watching and listening.

“Melissa, honey, Joe wants to be a firefighter.” Teresa tells Melissa and that gets her attention.

“Really?” Melissa asks him and he nods. “That’s cool, I want to be one as well but they said no as I’m a woman.” Melissa tells him.

“What do you want to be when you grow up then?” He asks her.

“A teacher.” She states proudly.

“I think you’d be a great teacher, you’re amazing with your siblings and you always protect people you care about, like Y/n.” He tells her and she smiles. That seems to start a conversation between them and you have to watch as Melissa gets to know Joe and Joe gets some confidence as he finally has her attention.

After dinner you help her mom with the dishes while Melissa and Joe are talking on the couch.

“Hey, I’m going to just walk home, I don’t want to interrupt those 2 in there.” You tell her mom.

“Are you sure? I’m certain Melissa won’t mind, to ensure you get home safely.” She tells you.

“I’m sure, tell Melissa I’ll see her tomorrow morning.” You tell her and she nods before you sneak out of the house.

After a few minutes, Melissa gets up and looks around for you.

“Has someone seen Y/n? I’m gonna drive her home quickly.” Melissa asks everyone.

“Oh she already left honey. She didn’t want to interrupt your time with Joe. She said she’ll see you tomorrow morning.” Teresa tells her daughter.

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” Melissa asks her mother.

“I didn’t want to interrupt.” Her mother tells her.

“Sorry Joe but I have to go make sure she gets home safely.” Melissa says and then leaves. She gets in her car and then drives the way she knows you take to get home and she sees you a few minutes later and she pulls up beside you and gets out. “What the hell Y/n!” She asks you and you look at her.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be flirting with Mr firefighter?” You ask her and she rolls her eyes.

“And that’s about as far as my interest for him goes.” She tells you. “I don’t like him romantically and you know that.” She tells you.

“It didn’t look like that to me.” You tell her and go to walk away but she grabs your arm.

“Can I drive you home and we can talk about it on the way?” She asks you and you sigh before getting in the car.

For the next couple of weeks you watch as Melissa and Joe get closer and closer and it hurts you everyday.

There’s 4 months left until graduation and then Melissa has promised that you can be together openly when she’s out of the house. You just don’t know how you’ll survive the next 4 months. After another two weeks you’ve had enough and you have a talk with Melissa.

“Melissa, we need to talk after school.” You tell her as she’s talking with Joe.

“Of course Y/n, do you want me to drive us to your place after school?” She asks and you nod before you walk away. She watches you walk away and then she turns back to Joe.

After school you’re waiting at her car and you watch her say goodbye to Joe before walking up to you.

“Hey Amore.” She tells you with a smile and unlocks the car and you get in. She drives you back to your place and she keeps glancing at you as you’re quiet the entire way there. She parks in the driveway and then you both get out and enter your house, both knowing your parents won’t be back for another 2 hours. “What did you want to talk about?” She asks you and you both sit on the couch.

“About us.” You tell her and she looks at you.

“We’ve already talked about this though. We stay secret until we both move out for college.” She says and you take a breath.

“I don’t think I can wait that long, especially when I have to look at you and Joe flirt everyday.” You tell her.

“I’m only talking with him to get my parents off my back about dating a man. But him and I are only talking.” She tells you.

“And what happens when he gathers the courage to ask you out on a date?” You ask her and she looks down before looking into your eyes. “He’s already asked you out and you said yes.” You say with hurt lacing your voice and she nods.

“Y/n, I had to.” She tells you and she goes to hold your hand but you push her away.

“Melissa, you can’t have both.” You say as you get up. “I’m sorry but you have to choose.” You tell her and she looks at you. “It’s either me or Joe.” You add and take a breath. “I want to be able to hold my girlfriend’s hand at school or to kiss you while saying goodbye to you as we both go to a different class.” You say.

“Y/n, I can’t come out to my family, it’s just not possible.” She says and you look at her.

“So you’re choosing Joe and your family then?” You ask her and she nods as a tear rolls down her cheek. “Get out.” You tell her and she looks at you.

“Y/n, please just think about this.” She says as she stands up.

“I have thought about it, I’ve had enough time to think about it for the past month, Melissa!” You yell at her and a few more tears roll down her cheeks.

“Please, I don’t want to let you go.” She says and goes to hold your hands but you slap them away.

“I’m sorry, Melissa, but it’s over.” You tell her and she starts crying before she leaves. You run upstairs to your room and close the door before you break down in your bed.

On Monday, you walk to school instead of Melissa driving you and you go to your locker and see a photo of you and Melissa that you hung up on your locker. You stare at it for a few seconds before you take it down. Kristen Marie passes by as you do that and stops.

“Woah, what’s going on with you?” She asks and you look at her.

“Leave me be Kristen Marie, I can’t deal with any Schemmenti's right now.” You tell her.

“You know Melissa was quite upset this weekend and now you’re taking the photo of you two down? Did something happen?” She asks you and you slam your locker shut before looking at her.

“You don’t have to pretend to like me anymore.” You tell her. “Melissa and I aren’t friends anymore.” You snap and then walk away but she walks after you.

“But you two were so close, you were best friends.” She says to you and you turn around and look at her.

“I said leave me alone!” You yell at her before walking away. That got a bit of attention in the hallway and Melissa sees it and watches you walk away with a guilty look on her face.

“Jeez, what happened to you two?” Kristen Marie asks Melissa and Melissa sighs.

“It’s none of your business Kristen Marie.” Melissa says softly and then walks away.

You end up getting accepted to a few colleges and you pick the one that’s in New York. You end up hearing that Melissa and Joe are a couple a month later and you see them a few times from afar. You notice that it looks like Melissa isn’t fully into it as he is and you do feel sorry for her that she has to hide a part of herself due to fear. Melissa ends up hearing that you’re going to college in New York and she ends up having a breakdown upon hearing that. She looks for you after school that day and goes right up to you.

“You’re going to college in New York?” She asks you and you nod and walk away. “I thought we were both going to go to the same college together here in South Philly.” She says as she follows after you and she follows you all the way outside.

“Melissa, we broke up.” You say quietly. “All those plans ended the moment you chose Joe.” You tell her.

“I still love you, I still want a life with you.” She tells you.

“I’m sorry, but you have to let me go and start building a life with Joe instead.” You say and walk away as a couple tears escape both of your eyes.

School ends and you pack up for New York. You’re putting your luggages in your parent’s car when Melissa pulls up.

“What are you doing here?” You ask her as she gets out.

“I wanted to at least say goodbye to you before I’ll never see you again.” She tells you and you close the trunk before walking up to her.

“Most people don’t talk after they break up.” You tell her.

“We aren’t most people.” She says.

“True.” Is all you say.

“I think you’ll become an amazing artist in New York.” She tells you and you nod.

“And I know you’ll become an amazing teacher, you’re great with kids.” You tell her and she nods before she looks down shyly.

“If I knew that my family would accept me liking women then I would have chosen you without question.” She says.

“I know, and I hope you have a good life with Joe or whatever man you end up with.” You tell her and you grab her hand and give it a squeeze before looking into her eyes. “Goodbye Melissa.” You tell her and give her a hug and she immediately hugs you back.

“Goodbye Y/n.” She says and both pull back before you get in the car and your parents drive you to the airport.

*30 years later*

“So I thought we could all go to the art exhibit that is in town.” Janine says enthusiastically.

“Oh that sounds delightful.” Barb says and looks at Melissa. “What do you think, Melissa?” Barb asks her and Melissa shrugs.

“Sure.” She says and goes back to her phone.

On the weekend, the Abbott crew goes to the art exhibit and Melissa has no idea who the artist is. They all have a look at the paintings and a few of them reminds Melissa of you and she takes a deep breath before they continue. Then they look at one and Melissa stares at it while the others continue on. Without her noticing, you see Melissa there and you walk up to her.

“Hello Melissa, been awhile.” You say and she whips her head at you.

“Y/n?” She asks and you nod.

“Nice to see you came to see my art.” You tell her and her eyes widen.

“This is your exhibit?” She asks and you nod.

“I didn't know it was yours, my coworkers wanted to come and I tagged along.” She tells you.

“I see.” You tell her and look at the painting she was staring at. “This one seems to have caught your attention.” You tell her.

The painting has a shadow of a person on their knees and holding their head as the other shadows stare down at them and casts the person out.

“Ya.” She says and looks at it again.

“Maybe because you were the inspiration.” You tell her and she looks at you. “It’s about not feeling accepted by other people. Seem familiar?” You ask her and she sighs.

“It does, or at least it did.” She says and you look at her.

“Are you out to your family?” You ask her and she nods.

“Came out almost 15 years ago after I divorced Joe.” She tells you and you smile.

“I’m glad you finally got the courage.” You say.

“I wasn’t happy with him, I regretted it immediately.” She says. “After 15 years I finally had enough.” She tells you.

“So how have you been for the past 15 years then?” You ask her.

“Staying single, just focusing on teaching.” She tells you.

“You became a teacher?” You ask her and she nods.

“Second grade teacher at Abbott.” She tells you and you smile.

“Second grade, that fits you perfectly.” You tell her.

“Kristen Marie became a teacher as well, she teaches at Addington.” She tells you and you nod. “I never stopped thinking about you.” She says and you look at her.

“I never stopped thinking about you as well.” You tell her and she looks at you and you see the same look in her eyes that you saw when you broke up with her.

“How long are you in town? Maybe we can catch up.” She offers and you take a breath.

“I’m actually moving back to South Philly.” You say to her. “That’s why I’m hosting an exhibition here, getting my name out here over here.” She looks at you the entire time with disbelief.

“You’re moving back?” She asks and you nod. All of a sudden someone short comes up all excited.

“Oh my god! You’re the artist right?!?!” She asks and Melissa glares at her.

“Move along pipsqueak.” She tells her and you look at her.

“Melissa, she’s the artist.” She tells her.

“Is this one of your coworkers?” You ask her and she nods.

“Hi, I’m Janine.” She says and holds out a hand for you to shake and you shake her hand.

“I’m Y/n, Melissa and I used to go to school together.” You tell her and she looks at Melissa.

“We didn’t just go to school together though.” Melissa tells you with a blush and Janine looks between you both.

“You guys dated?” She asks and you nod. Just then an older woman seemed to hear that and pulls Janine away.

“Thanks Barb.” Melissa tells her and then turns back to you. “If you’re moving back then I’d still like to see you, catch up on what you’ve been doing for the past 30 years.”

“You’re looking at the past 30 years.” You tell her and point to the art exhibit.

“Not just your art.” She tells you.

“I’m not with anyone if that’s what you’re wondering.” You tell her and you see a brief smile before she goes back to her neutral face.

“Did you not find anyone?”

“I did but then we broke up as she was scared to come out.” You tell her and she gulps.

“I still feel so bad about what happened between us.” She says and you nod.

“I know, I can see it in your eyes.” You tell her.

“Oh my god, Y/n?” You hear and you see a blonde coming towards you and Melissa groans.

“Worst timing as always sis.” Melissa says.

“Kristen Marie?” You ask and she nods.

“You know sometimes I wondered what happened after you and Melissa stopped talking.” She says and Melissa glares at her.

“Can you wonder at another time?” Melissa says to her and Kristen Marie looks between you two.

“Oh come on Melissa, we all wanted to know what happened, even Ma.” Kristen Marie tells Melissa.

“Her and I broke up, that’s what happened.” Melissa tells her.

“I had a feeling you were together.” She says before leaving.

“I would like to get together with you and talk.” Melissa tells you and you smile.

“I would love to.” You tell her and take your phone out. “Here, give me your number.” You tell her and she takes your phone and puts her number in.

“When are you moving back?” She says as you send her a text.

“In a month.” You say and Melissa gets the text and adds your number to her phone. “Already got a place and everything.” You tell her.

“Well maybe for today you can give me a tour and explain all your art to me?” She asks and you smile and nod.

“I would love that, it kinda reminds me of when we were in school though and I would talk about all my artwork.” You tell her as you walk another art piece. “Also there was one bullying incident after we broke up and then they never bothered me again.” You tell her.

“Ya I threatened their families after the incident.” She tells you and you chuckle.

“I wondered if you had something to do with it.” You tell her and step in front of the art piece and you start explaining it and the inspiration. Melissa pays attention the whole time with her full attention and keeps glancing at you with a smile.

“I’m proud of you.” She says after you finish explaining every art piece to her. “I always wanted you to have your art get recognized.” She adds and you look at her.

“Thank you.” You tell her. “I’ve received many compliments about my professional artwork, and you know what I feel when I hear them?” You ask her.

“Happy?”

“No, I feel nothing. The only time I never felt nothing was when you complimented me about my art in high school.” You tell her and she looks at you.

“You were always talented though, professional art or school art.” She says.

“And there it happens again, the only time I feel something is when you compliment me.” You say and she looks down and then back up at you. “I’ve also been with many women, but none were as good as you. They didn’t make me feel as happy or loved or even as satisfied in bed.” You say and you see a blush appear on her cheeks. “I didn’t know I could still make the great Melissa Schemmenti blush.” You say and she chuckles.

“You’ve always had that power over me, even after 30 years.” She tells you and you smile.

“I’m busy this weekend with the exhibit but I’ll be here next weekend finalising some stuff for the move. Maybe we can spend some time together then?” You ask her and she nods.

“I would love to.” She tells you and you smile at her.

Melissa goes home half an hour later and she has a smile on her face the entire way home. She got to see you again after 30 years, the woman she has always loved, and now gets to spend time with you again next weekend.

On Monday morning Melissa walks in the school, coffee cup in hand and a smile on her face. She walks into the break room and she goes to her table she shares with Barb and sits down.

“Since when are you smiling on a Monday morning?” Barb asks her.

“Just a nice weekend.” She says and the trio looks at her.

“Melissa, that girl with the art exhibit, it was mentioned that you two dated?” Jacob asks and Melissa turns around to look at them.

“Yes, in high school.” She tells them.

“What happened?” Janine asks her.

“Well not that it’s any of your business but I wasn’t out yet and I chose Joe over her. After high school, she left for college in New York and I haven't seen her since.” She explains to them.

“Well until Saturday.” You say and they all look at the entrance and see you there.

“Y/n, what are you doing here?” Melissa asks as she gets up and goes to you.

“Well you saw what I do for a living, thought I’d come see yours. And you mentioned working at Abbott, wasn’t it rumoured to be the worst school in the area?” You ask her and she nods.

“Ya that rumour really spread. It’s not all a lie, it’s extremely underfunded but the teachers here care more for their students than our teachers did.” She tells you and you hum.

“Ya our teachers really distanced themselves from their students.” You tell her and she smiles at you.

“How about I show you my classroom? I think you’ll like it.” She offers and you nod.

“Ok, I’d love to.” You tell her and she grabs her things before bringing you to her classroom.

“Mel’s got a crush.” Jacob singsongs.

“And this is my classroom.” She says as she opens her door and you walk in first.

“Wow, I would have loved to learn in a classroom like this, your students are so lucky to have you as their teacher.” You say to her and she blushes. “Remember our classrooms? Cold and dry. But this one is warm and welcoming.” You say as she walks over to her desk to put her things down.

“You’d like a few of my students, little rebels like you were.” She says and you turn to look at her.

“If I recall, you were more rebellious than I was.” You say as you walk over to her desk and she chuckles. “I have a confession.” You say and she looks at you. “I didn’t come here just to see your work.” You tell her and she tilts her head.

“Well what’s the other reason?”

“I came here to see you.” You say and you look to see her eyes brighten. “And to ask you if instead of catching up next weekend, we could go on a date?” You ask her and you see her immediately freeze.

“You’re- you’re asking me out?” She asks in disbelief and you nod.

“I’ve had time to think after seeing you on Saturday. It was really wonderful to see you again and I missed you more than I realised, a lot more.” You tell her. “I thought about it yesterday and I still love you.” You say and you hear her slightly gasp. “Even after 30 years I still love you, the one that got away.” You add and she walks over to you.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since high school. I never stopped loving you either. I was so stupid to let the best thing in my life slip through my fingers.” She says.

“What if…” You start to say and grab her hand. “We continued where we left off?” You suggest and Melissa smiles.

“You really mean that?” She asks and you nod. “Can I kiss you right now?” She hesitantly asks.

“You better.” You say and she immediately surges forward and places her lips on yours. Her lips were still so soft, just like you remembered and you don’t want to stop feeling them on yours. She pulls away after a few seconds and looks at you with a soft smile. “You know, I’ve forgiven you for letting me go but I haven’t forgotten that you broke my heart.” You say and she places her forehead on yours.

“I know, I haven’t forgotten that either, and that decision broke my heart as well. But maybe I can make it up to you now.” She says and you kiss her again.

“You can definitely make it up to me.” You say and Melissa kisses you again.

Taglist: @esposadejoyhuerta

@imaginesmultifandoms

@idonothingalldays-blog

@sexysapphicshopowner

@dvrkhcld

@lilfartbox1

@ricejucie

@unicorniusfallapatorius

@a-queen-and-her-throne

@sleep-deprived-athlete

@og-kxsh-420

@sasheemo

@midnight-lestrange

@dashbag-art

@morgananyx

@schmentisgf

@cblanchetts

@that-october-night

@schemmentigfs

Let me know if you want to be added!

[xianle-quartet-shenanigans]

incorrect quotes pt 2

Xie Lian, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Feng Xin, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.

Mu Qing: What the fuck are you guys doing?

Xie Lian: Playing systemic oppression.

---

Mu Qing, texting Feng Xin: Any plans for tonight?

Feng Xin: No.

Mu Qing: Loser.

---

Feng Xin: Mu Qing! For the love of god, please turn down that music. I have a hangover.

Mu Qing: *blasting the mii theme at full volume* That sounds like a you problem, not a mii problem.

---

Hua Cheng: *chokes on something*

Feng Xin: Crimson Rain, don't die on us.

Hua Cheng: Don't tell me what to do, I'll die whenever the hell I want!

---

Xie Lian: Why do you look like that?

Mu Qing, laying face-first on the floor: Like what?

Xie Lian: Like you’re dead.

Mu Qing: It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish.

Hua Cheng: Zhen Xuan accidentally called Nan Yang “babe” in front of everyone today.

Mu Qing: *sobs into the floor*

---

Xie Lian: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.

Xie Lian: *waves his finger and sings like he's in a Disney Channel intro*

---

Mu Qing: You use emoji’s like a straight person.

Hua Cheng: That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.

---

Hua Cheng: No homo. We’re fresh out. We should get a new shipment in on Monday.

Feng Xin: Can you check in the back?

Xie Lian: There might be some in the closet.

---

Mu Qing: Now it's time for some witty back and forth banter. You go first.

Xie Lian: *sobbing*

Mu Qing: Look, I'm not sure where to go with that.

---

Feng Xin: ARE YOU-

Hua Cheng: Fucking.

Feng Xin: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Hua Cheng: Fucking.

Feng Xin: IDIOT!

Mu Qing: …What was that?

Hua Cheng: His Highness banned Nan Yang from swearing, so I’m helping him out.

---

Mu Qing: I wish I had more enemies.

Hua Cheng: I’m sure you will someday, honey.

---

Xie Lian: Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we barely know each other?

Hua Cheng: Idiots to lovers, 20k words, angst with a happy ending.

---

Mu Qing: Any tips on how to make someone like me?

Hua Cheng: Try to make them laugh all the time.

Mu Qing: Oh, wow! You actually help me for once, and it's even good advice!

Hua Cheng: Yeah, the more they laugh, the more time they spend with their eyes closed, so it'd be easier.

[spindlewoed]

["Homo-sexual underground" internalized]

NEW TASK: Talk to the smoker again (optional)

***

SMOKER ON THE BALCONY — “Hello there, Gendarme.” The man offers you another one of his honeyed smiles, “I have to say, something feels different about you. Are you done with your twenty-hour mind project?”

As a matter of fact, I am.

Not really, I’d like to talk about something else.

SMOKER ON THE BALCONY — His eyebrows rise minutely, “*Beautiful*. And what was your conclusion, if I may ask?”

EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] — He’s genuinely curious. 

It helped me have a little bonding moment with my case partner over here (point to Kim).

A waste of eight hours of my time. Don't think I gained anything from it. On multiple levels.

It was a very immersive thought process, very educational. I feel closer to the plight of the underground community now. I think you guys should form some sort of union.

I’m really not sure…

KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant gives you a stern look before you can say more.

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] — It is not your place to disclose my personal information, *officer*.

YOU — shut your mouth instantly.

It helped me have a little bonding moment with my case partner over here (point to Kim).

A waste of eight hours of my time. Don't think I gained anything from it. On multiple levels.

It was a very immersive thought process, very educational. I feel closer to the plight of the underground community now. I think you should form some sort of union.

I’m really not sure…

SMOKER ON THE BALCONY — He hums, contemplative. “Well of course. A measly day wouldn’t be enough time to comprehend the scope and grandeur of the *homo-sexual underground*, obviously.” He smiles again, his heart shaped lips almost breaking into a grin.

“But do tell, Gendarme. Indulge me. Have you thought about where you stand on the matter?” 

Couldn’t be me. I'm not one of those.

I’ve stopped obsessing over my sexuality, I’m afraid there’s no going back to thinking about it. That would be another eight hour project. Twelve if I’m honest.

[Electrochemistry - Heoric 15] Look for clues in your past. Try to remember.

[CHECK SUCCESS]

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — Looking like a dust covered film, your memory slowly unravels in your mind. A young man, just like yourself. He’s taller than you by an inch or so. Slightly muscular, round figure. Kind eyes. An explosion of electricity travels all over your body as he places a casual hand on your lower back. No one else in the room seems to notice. Later, you’re in the janitor's closet, and small talk concerning your shared students turns into hit after hit of oxytocin as he kisses you. You don’t remember his name.

YOU — “Does it count if it was once, in a closet?”

SMOKER ON THE BALCONY — His eyes widen then he laughs, suddenly and openly.

DRAMA [Medium: Success] — He’s only making fun of you a *little* this time, sire. He's positively *delighted*.

SMOKER ON THE BALCONY — “Forgive me, gendarme. It’s always a pleasure talking to you." He composes himself, leaning back against the bricks. "But to answer your question - yes. I believe it counts.”

No, there’s no way. Forget I said anything.

Ok…

SMOKER IN THE BALCONY — He nods, waiting for you to reach a conclusion.

YOU — "Ok. But that was the past. How do I know that this is me, now?"

SMOKER ON THE BALCONY — He takes a drag of his cigarette while studying your face. As he exhales, his smile returns to his face like it never left.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Trivial: Success] — He smiles a lot when you're talking to him. It’s a warm, smooth shot of dopamine every time.

SMOKER ON THE BALCONY — “That’s up to you to figure out." He flicks the ash off his cigarette with his slender fingers. He adds, lightly: “But feel free to give me a call once you do, officer.” He winks.

Oho?

Uhu?

Ogh?

[Savoir Faire - Godly 16] Try to come up with something a little bit more eloquent.

[CHECK FAILURE]

YOU — (whisper) "Awooga…"

SMOKER ON THE BALCONY — “Pardon?”

KIM KITSURAGI — "Detective," the lieutenant interjects mercifully, "perhaps it's best we get back to the case, yes?"

YOU — "Yeah, I gotta go. See you. I mean, yeah. Bye."

SMOKER ON THE BALCONY — He chuckles, waving his fingers goodbye. “See you around, Gendarmerie.”

[rillils]

STEVE & BUCKY'S LOVE STORY, UNABRIDGED SOMEWHAT ABRIDGED, part 3/4 (here are part 1 and part 2)

i just want to preface this by saying: as much as they tried to make this movie all about tony, and as much as they tried to no-homo the steve/bucky situation, they still somehow ended up making CACW the gayest movie in the whole cap trilogy, and that's saying something *throws confetti*

now, picking up where we left off:

aided by his friends sam and natasha, steve spends the following two years or so chasing after bucky, looking for clues as to where he could be hiding, until he eventually finds him.

their reunion scene is like. i honestly don't know if i can convey the sheer, ridiculous, absolute beauty that is this scene.

the thing is, steve isn't the only one who discovered bucky's location: the bad guys did too, and they're coming. like they're coming RIGHT NOW, as sam keeps trying to warn steve. which means that he and bucky have about 20 seconds to do this, and that might sound like too short of a time, right? but honey, the amount of repressed emotions and homoerotic subtext these two manage to stuff into those 20 seconds, my god--

no because like, there's a whole-ass SWAT team outside, waiting to crash through their door and blow up the place, yeah? and instead of getting the fuck out of there PRONTO, steve, mr romeo fucking rogers, decides to spend those precious few seconds trying to get bucky to admit that he loves him, making this much yearned-for, long-awaited reunion the most high-stakes game of gay chicken in the whole of history. you might think i'm kidding, but i'm not!!!!

INTRODUCING:

in the red corner, we've got steve basically telling bucky: "i know that you remember me, i know that you saved me because you still love me, please will you just say it out loud babe"

and in the blue corner there's bucky, extremely conflicted because YES, of course he loves steve, but he also knows he's putting steve in danger just by standing in the same room as him, and steve shouldn't even be here in the first place, and anyways STEVE NOW'S NOT THE TIME PLS FUCK

so he's just (unsuccessfully) trying to deny everything, you know?? "fuck no i don't know you, just know your name from a museum, what do you mEAN i saved your ass because i love you more than life itself and that's literally the first thing i remembered when i got my memory back"

(a quick reenactment:)

but really, you'll see the love in bucky's eyes if you just look hard enough.

n- no, look harder

a bit harder?

see, i told you

so here they are, just about to slam each other into the nearest wall and make out like it's brokeback mountain and they're just two guys coming from a time where their love had to be kept a secret and they miss what little privacy they used to have in their own little bubble when they were younger and living together and then life tore them apart and they haven't seen each other in ages and they've been yearning all the while and now that they're finally standing before each other again the air feels electric between them and they just can't help but- wait. uh. that, uh. that sounds familiar. uh.

OKAY so they're totally about to snog the living daylights out of each other, but time is running out. the bad guys are here!! and- and also a bunch of other people! because apparently everybody wants bucky either dead or locked up for one reason or another!! MY BOY CAN'T CATCH A FUCKING BREAK!!

so bucky is apprehended. but before anyone can do much about it, this other guy - this movie's Official Antagonist™ - gets bucky alone and triggers bucky's brainwashed assassin persona into taking over.

no longer conscious of his own actions, bucky wreaks havoc in the building, knocking people down in his wake like a sexy buff steamroller, and tries to escape; but steve, desperate not to lose him again, goes after him and stops him.

by grabbing onto a fucking helicopter, as one does

one extremely romantic, freaking insane stunt later, steve manages to get bucky to safety. next thing you know, bucky's waking up and back to himself, and they finally have a bit longer than 20 seconds to talk. you think they're gonna be normal about this? you think they're gonna share a standard heart to heart conversation? oh hell no, babes. WHIP OUT THE BEDROOM EYES, TURN THAT SOFTNESS UP TO ELEVEN, WE'RE UNLOCKING A BRAND NEW LEVEL OF EMOTIONS HERE

seriously. you don't know what true tenderness is, until you've heard james buchanan barnes softly say, in his sweet, gruff, velvety drawl, barely holding back a smile, "your mom's name was sarah. you used to wear newspapers in your shoes."

also the two of them just. spend half the scene making INTENSE heart eyes at each other, gazing deeply and intimately in each other's eyes, just bypassing the flirting zone to move straight to eye-lovemaking lane, while sam is in the room, because they've got no chill whatsoever.

unfortunately, sam cockblocks reminds them that they don't have time for this shit (dammit, sam) as they kinda have more pressing matters at hand, being on the run from like every government in the world (and then some). also they must neutralize The Antagonist™ before he can act on his Evil Plan™, so, you know. put the eyesex on hold, guys!

(to be continued in part 4)

[yikesharringrove]

He didn’t mean to hightail it straight to the nearest bar. He didn’t even know what a dive bar a was doing out in the fucking backwoods of Indiana, anyway.

Billy’d just gotten in a big fuckin’ fight with his old man, shimmied out the window of their new house, and started walking.

And he happened across a bar.

He didn’t have his wallet on him, rookie move, but he figured his black eye and three-day-old moving stubble might help him out a bit here.

The bouncer gave him an odd look, glaring him down as he approached, but let him pass without asking for identification.

There were motorcycles parked in the gravel lot, along with some sensible looking Mom Cars.

It was dim inside, and the floor was kinda sticky, but they were playing Patti Smith on a shitty jukebox, so he decided to stay.

He took a seat at the bar.

The bartender gave him the same funny look the bouncer did. She was one hell of a woman, her leather jacket had a pair of handcuffs sewn onto the front, she had her nose, lips, and eyebrows pierced. Her hair was greying and cropped into a very similar crew cut to Neil’s.

“What’ll it be?”

“Whiskey, please. And maybe a beer, Darling.” He winked.

She laughed.

“Honey, you know where you are, right? This is a fuckin’ dyke bar, and you’re no older than sixteen. You’ll have a pop and you’ll be grateful for it.” She had a slight southern drawl to her voice. Texas. Like his mom.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Okay, quit it with that shit.” She scooped ice into a glass, and poured him a cola from the well. “Why you here? It got somethin’ to do with that shiner?”

He took a long drink of the soda.

He didn’t know if it was her voice, or the fact that for the first time in a long time, he was with his own people.

“Yeah.”

“Someone at home?”

“Yeah.”

“‘Cause you’re a homo?”

“Yeah.”

She smiled at him, although this one wasn’t the sad one he’d been expecting. It was understanding.

“We’ll, Baby. You come here if you ever need a safe place to roost, okay? We all know when one of our own needs saving. You come here, and you ask for Susan, and we’ll get your mind off that bruise.”

He took another long drink of his soda, but this time, to try and swallow down the stupid sob that was trying to force its way out.

“Thank you. I’m, I didn’t realize what kind of bar this is. I didn’t really know that people like us were out here. My dad, he, uh, moved us here. From California. He caught me with a boy.” He averted his gaze from Susan’s face, making patterns in the condensation on the side of his glass. Patti Smith turned over to The Runaways. Some women were dancing by the jukebox now. “He told me we were coming here so I couldn’t do any of that fairy shit.” He furrowed his brow on the last line, puffing up his chest in an imitation of his father.

“Just because people hate us more here, doesn’t mean we don’t exist. Queers live everywhere, whether people like your daddy like it or not. He can’t stop us from living any better than he can stop the sun from rising.”

Susan scooped some ice into a clean bar towel, securing it closed with the yellow crunchy around her wrist. She slid it across the bar to Billy, and he put it on his eye gratefully.

“Don’t lose that scrunchy. That’s my wife’s favorite one, and she won’t speak to me for a month if I give it to some kid.”

“Yeah? Your old lady a hardass?” Billy grinned.

There was something, so fucking good, about talking to Susan. Talking to an actual fucking grown up. Someone with a life, and a partner. A queer, like him, who actually found love. And, by the dreamy grin on her face, had found happiness.

“Hollie would yell herself hoarse is she heard you call her old. She don’t look a day over thirty-five, she’ll tell you. We’ve been together for over twenty years. That’s why she’s my wife. We can’t get married yet, but she’s not my fucking girlfriend. We’re not silly high schoolers goin’ to the prom, and shit. No offense.”

“Nah, I may be a silly high schooler, but I’d rather be dead than go to any prom. Especially with a girl. No offense.”

“Hey, you’re in my bar, and we don’t allow bad talk about women. Unless you ex-girl fucked you over. Then we talk a whole lotta shit.” She refilled Billy’s soda. “But you could always go with a friend.”

“I’ve lived in this town for four days, I don’t have any friends, let alone a beard. Maybe if I did, my dad wouldn’t’ve popped me tonight.”

Susan’s smile faltered a little bit.

“Sweetie, I don’t like to interfere. And I know that most of the time, getting CPS involved makes it worse. But Baby, are you safe? I know he hits you, but do you think he’d-” she trailed off. “I’ve just seen some shit, you know? Boys like you with fathers like yours. Boys that didn’t survive.”

“Everything my dad does, is because he’s scared of how people see him. He’s terrified that people won’t think he’s a great father or a respectable citizen. I don’t think he’d get that low.”

But, in truth, Billy didn’t know.

He’s been getting hits from his dad since he was a kid. And there are times when Billy had thought well, this is it.

But Susan was right. CPS never did anything but piss off his dad.

Susan looked thoughtful.

She grabbed a napkin, and pulled a pen out of her leather jacket.

“I’m giving you the number here. You call if you need anything. We take care of our own, okay?” He nodded in response. “Finish your pop, and get back on home. I’m sure you have a curfew to mind.”

Billy winced, looking up at Susan, feeling like such shit after her kindness.

“I don’t have my wallet.”

“Yeah, you don’t have shoes on either, Dumbass.” She winked at him again. “Holl!” She shouted towards the group of women dancing by the jukebox. “This little birdie needs a ride!”

A short woman came drifting over. Her hair was dark black, and swept clear below her ass. She could’ve sat on it and not noticed.

The scrunchy made sense.

She was short, much shorter than Susan, but she beamed up at her, turning to smile just as warmly at Billy.

“What’s your name, kiddo?”

“Billy.”

It was kind of nice, being called terms of endearment by these two women. He liked that they weren’t trying to pull one over on him. He felt safe.

Susan slid a set of keys to Hollie.

“Take Billy home, please. We don’t need him walking around outside.”

Hollie ushered Billy out of his seat, climbing in the stool herself to lean over the bar. She and Susan kissed over the bar, and that funny hopeful feeling washed over Billy again.

“You’re welcome here whenever you want, Baby. You’re not the first little gay boy we’ve had in here, and you won’t be the last. Don’t be a stranger.”

“Thank you, seriously, I-thank you.”

Susan beamed at him, sliding Hollie’s yellow scrunchy back in her wrist.

[rustycopper4use]

It’s Always Been You (Rewrite)

Pt 6

…

“Welcome!”

…

A young boy wanders the Ouran academy’s many hallways, he wasn’t the usual highschool student shown by his dark green elementary uniform. He finally heads to a door, and anxiously opens the door. He gets greeted by a rush of rose petals, he stumbled and falls backwards.

“Welcome to the Ouran Host club!”

The host club is adorned in Arabian style clothing. “Oh it’s just a kid.” Hikaru spoked. “Not only that, it’s just a boy.” Kaoru adds on.

“What’s wrong little boy? Did you come into my palace in search of something?”Tamaki spoke, reeking of confidence, the jewelry scattered about his body shining. The boy stands back up, looks at the blonde.

“Uh.. are you the king of this place?” The boy asked, Tamaki’s eyes briefly widened.

“Well are you?” The boy repeated.

“Come closer lost one,” Tamaki said, as the boy walked towards him.

“What was it you just called me, little boy?”

“The king.” The boy responded.

Tamaki sighs dramatically.

“Ah, the king! Yes I am the king of the Ouran Host Club!” He celebrates, twirling around starry eyed.

“I’m an elementary fifth year, Shiro Takaoji!” The boy states, causing Tamaki to stop.

“I want the host club king to take me on as an apprentice!” He spoke, pointed at a shocked Tamaki.

…

The host club is now officially opened, filled with guests. The hosts are now in there regular uniforms,

“Oh my Tamaki, you have an apprentice?” A girl questioned.

“Yes, he’s still in elementary school, but I like the fire in his eyes.” Tamaki calmly spoke.

“But are you sure it’s really okay for a young boy to become a host?” A girl worries.

“Why wouldn’t it be? Love has nothing to do with age. Take us for an instance, whenever I look at you, my heart starts pounding,” He leaned closer to the guests face.

“Suddenly, I feel no different than a love-sick little boy.”

“Oh, Tamaki..” the girl dreamily sighed.

The boy is right next to the two and glaring intently.

“Don’t you think it’s weird he’s making a kid observe him close up like that?” Haruhi question, standing next to Kyoya and Y/n. “Honestly, It’s not the weirdest thing Tamaki has done.” Y/n shrugged.

“There is a theory that people are considered more beautiful the closer they’re viewed. Tamaki seems to live by that theory.” Kyoya spoked, writing in his notebook. Y/n glanced at him before looking back towards Tamaki.

“Well, let’s leave them alone.”

A cry runs across the room. “A carp!” One of Tamaki's guests shirks. “Oh, don’t listen to him, he’s just a kid. You know how kids are, they can’t help but be honest.” Tamaki anxiously spoke.

“Honest!” The girl yells even more hurt at Tamaki’s idiocy.

“But that’s just his opinion! I wouldn’t say you looked like a carp, and even if you were you’d be the most beautiful carp of them all.” Tamaki spoke, digging his grave deeper.

“Jesus Christ.” Y/n’s face scrunched up.

“So I am a carp!” The girl cried.

“That’s not what I meant..” Tamaki sweats. The girl runs off crying, calling Tamaki an idiot. The boy rolls his eyes at the girl and sits down. “Man what a crybaby.”

Hikaru walks over to the irritated blonde.

“So how’s it going boss? That’s an adorable little apprentice you got there.” He teased.

“Hikaru.. Do you wish you had a younger brother like Shiro.” Kaoru quietly mumbles. Hikaru embraced his twin. “Don’t be silly. I could search the globe and I’d never find a better brother than you, Kaoru.” “Hikaru..”The girls squealed, at the display. “It’s forbidden brotherly love!”

Shiro takes a step back, clutching his pearls,

“They’re homos! And they’re brothers! That makes this totally insectuous!” He spits out.

“You mean incestuous” Tamaki corrects. Honey pulls the boy to the side and jumps on his back.

“Hey Shiro-chan! Wanna have a piece of cake with me? We got all kinds!” Shiro pushes honey off, and turns to look at him.

“Hey back off! What grade are you even in anyways? And why are you wearing a highschool uniform?” Shiro spoked, Mori walks to Honey, towering over Shiro.

“Something wrong Mitsukuni?” He quietly spoked.

“That’s not fair! A little kid like you isn’t supposed to have a cooler older friend like him!” Shiro yells, and ends up bumping into Y/n and Haruhi, who is holding a tray of teacups.

“Are you alright? I know it’s kinda hard getting used to all the weird stuff that goes around here, it took me a while to adjust to the craziness, so don’t freak out, I’m sure you’ll get used to it.” Haruhi kindly smiled. But the boy only stared intensely at the two, Y/n furrows his brows and tilts his head.

“Something wrong?” Y/n looked at the boy.

“Are you a cross dresser?” He rudely asked looking up and down at them.

“Excuse me?” Y/n glared at the small boy, and for the first time, in an awhile, he’s been provoked to hit a kid. The twins and Tamaki rush in trying to conceal Haruhi’s secret. “Okay that’s enough, I think Shiro should take care of the tea for us! Don’t you?” Tamaki nervously spoke. Hikaru begins to pat Haruhi’s head. “Wow Haruhi you’re looking extra manly today.”Kaoru also begins patting Haruhi’s head.

“Now do what the boss says and let Shiro take care of that tea set, it’s part of his training. You're too macho for tea sets.” Haruhi signs and hands the tray towards the boy. “Now be pretty careful with it, it’s quite heavy.” As the tray gets handed to Shiro, he immediately drops it, shattering every single cup.

“It’s not my fault I dropped it. It’s yours because you’re the one to make me take it in the first place.” Shiro spoke with the utmost entitlement .

“Say what?” Haruhi mumbled.

‘Don’t act like mom.’ Y/n repeated in his head, gritting his teeth. 

“Haruhi, that’s another one hundred thousand yen.” Kyoya appears, writing in his notebook. “Huh?!” Haruhi yells.

“Hey you should make the crossdresser to do your stupid chores! I’m not here to carry tea sets! I'm here to learn how to make women happy!” Shiro complained. “I am not going to let you disrespect Haruhi. Put this brat in isolation!” Tamaki commands. “You got it boss!” The twins pull a switch, and a metal cage falls with a crash, trapping the boy inside.

“What’s going on here! Why’d you put me in a cage all of a sudden?” Shiro screams.

“Yeah and where did it come from? This is supposed to be a music room, right?” Haruhi nervously sweats

“It’s also the Host club.” Y/n crossed his arms. Shiro hangs onto the bars.

“This is no way to treat your loyal apprentice! Now let me outta this cage!” He fussed, shaking the bars.

Tamaki calmly sips on tea.

“Not until you’ve learned your lesson. I made You my apprentice because I thought you were serious about becoming a host, but I guess I was wrong.” Tamaki sighed, glancing at the boy.

“I am serious! Totally serious!” The boy yells.

Tamaki sips on his tea, ignoring the kid's pleas. “I want you to teach me how to make women happy!” He falls on his knees.

“I’m gonna run out of time… Please won’t you teach me? You’re a host because you like girls. You like bringing a smile to a girl's face. That’s why you do it right? Please won’t you teach me to be like you? You're a genius at it. You’re the king!” Shiro pleads. Tamaki’s eyes widened at the compliment. “Well you may be a brat but I admire your desire to become a host, so I’ll teach you!” He exclaimed, now standing up. “You know Shiro, you and I are so much alike.” Tamaki hugs himself.

“Your poor kid.” Haruhi muttered. “You might want to aim higher, Shiro.” Y/n snickers.

“Then you’ll help me become the kind of man that can make any woman happy?” Shiro looked at Tamaki hopefully.

“Of course, making women happy is the purpose of being a host. If this is what you really want, Shiro, then you’ll have to figure out how to use the material you already have.” Tamaki explained. “What does that mean?” Shiro asked.

“You see, here at the Ouran Host Club our policy is to use our individual personality traits to meet the needs of the guest.” Kyoya looks at the boy.

“For example there is Tamaki, who is the princely type. There’s the silent type. The Boy-Lolita type. The Little-Devil. The Nerdy type, and the cool type.” Kyoya lists, as everyone groups together in front of Shiro.

“It’s all about variety. And now our group is complete with the addition of Haruhi, the natural.”

“The natural?” Haruhi points to herself.

“It would seem right now we have a perfect blend of characteristics. So it’s going to be difficult to find a new type for Shiro.” Kyoya continues.

“If you go by age, he should be the boy Lolita type.” Hikaru states. “But Honey-senpai already got that covered.” Kaoru joins

“Y’know there’s other types of younger boy type.” Y/n raises his brow toward Karou.

A motor goes off, and gears grind against each other, revealing Renge on the platform. “Oh come on, is that all you’ve got?” Renge's voice echoes across the room. “What’s up with this place? It’s supposed to be a music room!” Haruhi complained.

Renge sighs at the group. “Sorry to interrupt, gentleman but what’s with the lackluster character analysis? I must say I’m quite disappointed, I thought I taught you better. Of course I should’ve known Y/n would remember, I did have the most one-on-one study sessions.” She winks towards Y/n, who just gives a tight lipped smile.

“Alright then Miss manger, how would you work Shiro into our collection of characters? He can’t be the boy Lolita because Honey has already got that covered.” Tamaki holds up a crying honey, similar to how you would hold a cat.

“You just don’t get it do you? Now listen up! There are plenty of girls out there who have a thing for younger boys or boys with baby faces. These would be called Shota fans. Now Shota can be a fairly broad category. So it’s important to know that the genre can be broken down into many smaller sub-categories. For example, Shota fans, with an interest in Lolita boys, would favor a boy like Haninozuka-senpai, but this boy is different if I had to pick a character for him…”Renge thinks for a moment before pointing at Shiro.

“Yes! He’s the Naughty Boy Type without a doubt!” She confirmed.

“The Naughty Type?” Shiro questions as the cage surrounding him lifts up.

"Now to play up the Naughty Type you have to wear shorts." She points towards the shorts he was already wearing.

 "Okay." He nods his head.

 "You've gotta have bumps and bruises! Give him a couple of scars!" She blows a whistle, the twins go over to sharpie on marks. Y/n covered his ears.

 "Now I want you to trip and make it big!" He does, now on his hands and knees.

 "Are you okay little boy?" She blows a whistle again.

 "Now give'm your catchphrase!"

"No big deal, it was nothin'." 

 "That was perfect! Absolutely perfect Shiro!" Renge cheered. Letting out an excited squeal.

And before his torture to go any farther, he finally had enough.

“Agh! I’ve had enough of you people! This is so stupid, none of this is gonna make her happy.” Shiro gritted his teeth and ran out the club's doors. “Wait Shiro, we haven't taught you how to apply the techniques you’ve learned yet!” Tamaki yells. Renge’s motor turns on as she takes back down. “I swear, younger boys are good for nothing, I went through all of the trouble of training him and he calls it quits!” She complains before disappearing.

“Well that was short lived, now what?” Y/n looked over to Tamaki.

“I can’t believe he just ditched us just because he didn’t like the lesson. What a selfish little brat!” He complains. “There aren’t many people who would like that sort of lesson. But never mind that, did you hear what he just said?” Haruhi states.

‘I’m gonna run out of time. Please won’t you teach me?’

“What do you think it means by that… maybe it’s a girl?” Haruhi spoke, thinking out loud.

Tamaki thinks for a moment before breaking out into a grin, he leans over to whisper to the twins.

…

A few hours pass and the host club is now in an elementary-Middle school building.

“How did we let them talk us into this?” Haruhi questioned. Now wearing a middle school uniform and a long brown wig. “It’ll be okay Haru-chan, it was so easy to sneak in, and wearing this uniform makes me really look like I’m in elementary school.” Honey whispered. He was now wearing the same uniform as Chiro.

“Yeah you do.. I can understand why they wanted you to wear an elementary school uniform, I mean we are sneaking into an elementary school and you totally fit in senpai. What I don’t understand is why they made me dress up in a middle school uniform.” She fiddled with the fake wig she was wearing.

“Why did we even bother with disguises, we stick out like a sore thumb.” Haruhi complained, as Tamaki peered through a door, the rest of the hosts behind him. “Oh there’s a reason, a damn good reason.” Honey pulls Haruhi by the hand as he watches.

“This way Haru-chan!” “Isn’t she just the cutest!” The twins swoon. Tamaki sighs dreamily. “Oh look at her in that mini skirt!” Tamaki slightly blushes. “Haruhi looks like a wittle doll.” 

“So basically you just wanted to see her dress up like that?” Kyoya states.

Y/n laughs, as Tamaki sweats.

“It would’ve been so much cuter if Y/n wore the uniform as well.” Hikaru gives Y/n a devilish grin.

Y/n looked at him through half-lidded eyes.

“First of all, I’m not wearing a skirt, secondly, I’m way too tall to pass for someone in middle school.” 

As Haruhi and Honey open a classroom, the rest of the club follows.

“So the kid's empty classroom is it?” Tamaki spoke while looking around. “This sure takes me back.” The twins state.

“I wonder if the doodles are still on my desk.” Hikaru looks at the top of the desks.

“Doubtful, the school changes out the desks every year.” Kyoya spoke. Haruhi is irritated by the group. “Let’s check out the cafeteria after this.” “I want to see the old gym.”

“Hey, if you guys are just gonna barge in here like that then why’d we wear these stupid disguises.” Haruhi half whispered.

“Don’t worry about it, no one is going to catch us.” Hikaru looks towards Haruhi.

Footsteps echoed throughout the hall, getting closer each step.

“You jinxed us!” Y/n whispered yelled, dragging Kyoya to crouch with him by his tie. Haruhi gasps and the rest of the club crouches between the desks. Y/n turns his head, trying to see the hallway, his hand still holding Kyoya’s tie.

“If the teacher find us-“ “We’re gonna have a hard time explaining why we snuck in.” The twins spoke.

Haruhi puts her finger to her lips and shushes. 

Y/n covered his mouth trying to muffle a chuckle, he looks back at Kyoya, finally realizing he was still grabbing onto Kyoya’s tie. His eyes widened before letting go,

“Sorry.” He whispered looking away, he face starting to burn up. 

‘Shit he’s so close to me right now.’ 

Kyoya just made a small hum, the twins were wildly grinning at the scene.

“It’s alright, he’s gone but if you guys we came here to get the scoop on Shiro.” She reminded the group, now standing.

“So what do you think we should do now?”

Y/n got up and began to look around, deciding to get as far away from Kyoya. Luckily, this was proved useful as a familiar face stuck out from the rest, it was Shiro.

“Hm.” Y/n looked at the photo, he was playing the piano with a young girl, he looked completely awestruck.

“Well here is something interesting.” Kyoya now stood behind Y/n, all the hosts look over to kyoya and Y/n. Kyoya points towards the photo.

“So he’s in the classical music club.” Kyoya states with a knowing smile.

“He looks like he’s enjoying himself. Never thought I could see him this happy.” Y/n softly smiled.

The club's hosts make their way to the music room.

“There he is! There’s Shiro-chan!” Honey spoked excitedly. Shiro was sitting in a window sill, looking out the window. A young girl walks up to Shiro holding a music sheet.

“Excuse me… Takaoji? I’m sorry, but have you been practicing tye new piece Teacher gave us?” She stammered, hugging the sheet to her chest.

“The new piece? Not really.” Shiro answered, looking at the girl.

“If you want I can show it to you. Do you want to come play it with me?” She hopefully asked. “No thanks, you go ahead. After all there’s only one grand piano. You should use it Kamishiro.”Hina smiled.

“Thank you, I will then!” She closes her eyes.

“And if you want to join me, just let me know.” She giggles slightly, and sits down at the piano, and begins playing. Shiro closes his eyes and listens to Hina’s playing.

A little girl walks out the music room.

“Pardon me mademoiselle.” Tamaki politely spoke. And the girl turns to look at him, as he offers a white rose.

“I’ve never seen a rose more lovely than you my dear.. here.” Tamaki hands the rose to the girl.

“I was wondering if you could tell me anything about the lady playing piano there?”

“That’s Hina Kamishiro, but you better now fall in love with her.” The girl states, making an ‘X’ with his hands.

“Why?” Tamaki asked.

“Didn’t you know? Hina has to move soon. Her dad just got a new job in Germany. They will move there by the end of the week.”Shiro rushed out of the room noticing the club.

“So that’s why..” Y/n mumbled.

“What'd you think you’re doing?! I want you idiots to leave!” He yelled.

Tamaki looks at him before picking him up and throwing him over his shoulder. And walks away with the host following.

Shiro screams and hits Tamaki, trying to leave his grasp.

“It’s time to go gentlemen!” He announced.

“First we put him in a cage and now we are kidnapping him. I think we hit a new low.” Y/n causally spoke, following the club.

"What is your problem you big idiot!?" Shiro thrashed in Tamakis arms. 

Tamaki places him down.

 "I'm sorry but you're the idiot! You said that you wanted me to teach you how to make women happy, but that's not it is it?! You're not concerned with the happiness of just any woman.. You've got your sights set on one woman in particular. You only care about one, and that's Hina Kamishiro."

Shiro lets out a small gasp.

"But I'm afraid there's nothing I can do to help you with that. Listen Shiro, I know that I told you it's the job of a host to make women happy, but when you care for someone, you must find the courage to express what is in your heart! You have to tell her how you feel about her! You didn't come to me looking to become a full-fledged host. You want to be a full-fledged man."

"It doesn't matter anymore.. I've run out of time. I just- I wanted to hear her play before she left for good.. that's all." He looks down at the floor. 

"That piece she played, it's Mozart Sonata in D Major for two pianos isn't it?"  he pulls back a curtain revealing a piano, the lighting hitting just right to make it look almost heavenly. “Wait a minute… since when did we have a piano?” Haruhi muttered. “It’s a music room, why wouldn’t there be a piano?” Y/n smirked.  The rest of the club chimes in agreement. 

"It's always been there, we just had it covered up." Honey sweetly spoke.

"For the next week you will spend your mornings, lunches, recesses, and free time after school in piano lessons with me." Tamaki looks at Shiro.

“But why?” 

"You wanted to be my apprentice right? Besides, that young lady looked like she wanted nothing more than to play the piano with you." Tamaki gives a thoughtful smile.

After a couple hours past Shiro was sent back home.

…

 A week later…

The host room is decorated, with a piano in the middle of the room, and when Hina arrived, she’s greeted by the hosts dressed in all white suits,

“Welcome princess, we’ve been waiting.”

 "I present to you, Shiro Takaoji's.. Piano recital." Tamaki bows in front of Hina. He motioned towards the two pianos, Shiro sitting in one of them.

"If you please, Princess." Tamaki pulls an empty chair for her.

"Let's play together Hina." Shiro smiles.

They both start playing, the music filling the room. Y/n looked over at the two, subconsciously leaning against Kyoya.

“This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Y/n whispered.

“Hm, I didn’t peg you to be the ‘hopeless romantic’ type.” Kyoya glances at him,

“You can’t know everything about me, I like to keep you on your toes.” Y/n closed his eyes, listening to the music.

"—He loves with all his heart. So I guess that's one more way Shiro takes after you, huh Senpai." Haruhi looks up at Tamaki.

"Why yes, I'd say so."

[carsonian]

you don't have to be a dickhead about what people prefer to read in stony fanfics...people can ask for u to write things...u just don't have to accept it. but don't be a dick about it

On record as the SEVENTH ask you've sent me about this. omg.... ok you need bottom!Steve that badly from ME??? he won't be "gay" in your eyes if i don't write him getting fucked??? alright honey! here you go:

Fic Title: Get Fucked | 334 words | E

.

[STEVE lies naked on the bed, arched like a bitch in heat. TONY is braced above him.]

STEVE (with total and utter abandon): Penetrate me, Stark! Make me a gay man.

TONY (penetrating him): Take that monster cock!!!! Take that iron cock, Captain America, and fulfil the highly prescriptive, totally exacting and utterly uniform requirements of being a gay man!

STEVE: Ah!! I’m penetrated. In my BOTTOM!

[cue Winx Club-esque magical girl transformation except it’s just Steve Rogers as Captain America twerking in front of a rainbow-fied flag of the U.S.A.]

TONY (thrusting): You’re gay!!! Steve Rogers is Gay!!!

STEVE (as thoughtfully as one can speak with a dick in their ass): And before this particular act, I was simply a straight man willingly penetrating a dude’s ass on the regular. Oh, I’m so thankful that concern over the legitimacy of my sexuality in one writer's fanfiction was expressed in a series of anonymous asks designed to harass the writer into writing me on the bottom. Oh, but I’m even MORE thankful that I can be properly gay now. Even more gay than you, Tony, perhaps.

TONY (agreeing stoically because he’s on top and tops are obviously the “dominant, less gay man�� in the exchange always and without exception): Fanfiction writers need to be consistently held accountable for the disparities in their writing preferences for characters’ sexual positions. Unless you’ve got an even 50-50 split of who’s getting fucked and who’s fucking, don’t consider yourself a proper fan of the ship, or even a sincere member/ally of the LGBTQ+ community. You don't know what REAL gay sex looks like, and not depicting two MCU characters switching in a 3000 word fanfiction does irreparable damage to the community.

STEVE: I’m coming!!!!!! Out of the closet and into these sheets! Oh em gee, untouched too! I just LOVE being fucked that much. Was I even having gay sex before this???

TONY (manfully holding off his own orgasm): And there we have it, folks. Steve has been penetrated, has come to orgasm, and is now verifiably a total homo. (coming) You're welcome.

[END SCENE]

[bonkrzfrfr]

hi I’m here to ask about orangutans cause I’m interested

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING, sorry it took a bit i was busy but thank you!!

-------------------------------------------------------

So orangutans are primates, primates includes apes(both lesser and greater), monkeys(old world and new world), tarsiers, lorises, and lemurs.

Mostly characterized by larger brain to body ratios, and locomoting using tree to tree hopping, brachiation(branch to branch swinging), bipedalism on their hind legs or quadrapedalism.

Going further through the phylogenetic tree through the sub-orders Haplorhini to the infra-order Simmiiformes we reach the split of old world monkeys(Parv-order: Catarrhini) and new world monkeys(Parv-order: Platyrrhini).

Yet only one is true in its common name, due to apes being lumped into old world monkeys.

Now going to the Superfamily homonoidia we reach apes and only apes.

Apes can be more commonly identified via tailessness.

Homonoidia contains two families Hylobatidae(Lesser Apes) and Hominidae(Great Apes), the main difference between the two is Hylobates not making nests, exhibiting low sexual dimorphism and being smaller on average.

Hylobatidae includes four genera(Hoolock, Hylobates, Nomascus, Symphalangus), but in short lesser apes or the family Hylobatidae only includes gibbons.

Hominidae are great apes(listing closest to farthest genetically from humans) We have humans with only one extant species(Homo Sapians), then chimps and bonobos(Pan Troglodyte and Pan Paniscus respectively), then Gorrilas with 2 extant species(Gorilla Gorilla or Gorilla Beringei), and last but not least with 3 species Orangutans(Pongo Pygmaeus, Pongo abelii, and Pongo Tapanuliensis).

In total orangutans belong to the Domain Eukaryota, Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Order Primates, Suborder Haplorhini(old world monkeys), Infraorder Simiiformes, Family Hominidae and subfamily Ponginae with 3 species.

The 3 species being Bornean(P. pygmaeus), Sumatran(P. abelii), and the most recently discovered Tapunuli(P. tapunuliensis), with only three subspecies belonging to the Bornean orangutans(Pygmaeus, Morio and wurmbii)

The adult males grow cheek pads(flanges) that can act as dishes to further their calls due to being more solitary in nature, and depending on the species can also be different in shape. Still reasearchers are completely unsure on why some adult males grow them and why some dont.

Even though their general omnivorous nature theyre more frugivourus which could be one of the factors for their more solitary nature. Due to their omnivory they also eat bark, insects, bird eggs, honey, and smaller primates such as bush babies.

Like gorillas, each night orangutans make makeshift nests out of leaves for them and, in the case of mothers, their childrens. Social bonds are almost primarily females and their offspring which will often, even in adulthood, will come back and visit.

Adult females usually stand about 3'9 and weigh about 37 kg(82lbs), while adult males reach up to 4'6 and weigh 75kg(165 lbs). Orangutans having longer arms and shorter arms for arboreal life and easier brachiating(the action of swinging from branch to branch), with the average arm span of 6.6ft. The heaviest orangutan to live is a male bornean orangutan, "Andy", who weighed up to 204kg(450lbs) at 13 years old.

With smaller thumbs, longer fingers, and resting configuration of a suspendery hooks, orangutans have an easier time hanging with the advantage double locked grip by resting the tips of the fingers against their palms, same for their feet. Hip joints similar to their shoulders allow for similar ranges of motion. Unlike their great ape cousins though, orangutans arent true knuckle walkers, prefering to walk on their fist and the sides of their feet.

[renthony]

🏳️‍🌈

(Drop a 🏳️‍🌈 in my inbox and I’ll respond with a queer media recommendation!)

Hi Honey, I'm Homo! by Matt Baume is an incredible resource on the history of queer representation in American sitcoms. Each chapter is adapted from a video essay on Matt Baume's YouTube channel (which I highly recommend), but the book adds more sources, extra context, and is generally cleaned up a little bit.

Here's the official summary:

For decades, amidst the bright lights, studio-audience laughs, and absurdly large apartment sets, the real-life story of American LGBTQ+ liberation unfolded in plain sight in front of millions of viewers, most of whom were laughing too hard to mind. From flamboyant relatives on Bewitched to closely-guarded secrets on All in the Family, from network-censor fights over Soap to behind-the-scenes activism on the set of The Golden Girls, from Ellen’s culture clash and Will & Grace’s mixed reception to Modern Family’s primetime power-couple, Hi Honey, I’m Homo! is the story not only of how subversive queer comedy transformed the American sitcom, from its inception through today, but how our favorite sitcoms transformed, and continue to transform, America. Accessible, entertaining, and informative, Hi Honey, I’m Homo! features commentary and interviews from celebrities, behind-the-scenes creators, and more.

It's obviously America-centric, but it's an amazing resource if you're interested in queer American media history. It's well-written and engaging. It's not a super dense, jargon-heavy text like some of the other queer media studies books I've got on my personal shelf. This isn't written just for academics, it's for the average queer person who wants to learn more about queer history.

Baume's work has been an incredible resource for my own studies, and a decent number of sources I've got on my bookshelf are ones I found via the notes and citations on his essays. I wouldn't say "I want to be him," because he's already himself and I like being me, but I greatly admire his work and want to do something similar with my own career. You should absolutely go check his stuff out if you haven't already!

Ask For a Rec | Other Media Recommendations | Support Links

[makingqueerhistory]

A quick round-up of queer nonfiction recommendations that I wanted to share!

Dear Senthuran: A Black Spirit Memoir 

Before We Were Trans: A New History of Gender 

Sacrament of Bodies

Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality

Hi Honey, I'm Homo!

I want to encourage you to request these from local libraries especially right now. If at all possible, it is a great way to support your local queer community and library at the same time!

[showamagicalgirls]

Bewitched, Season 1, Episode 5

I recently read Hi Honey, I’m Homo by Matt Baume about LGBTQ representation throughout the history of US sitcoms. He talked a lot about this particular episode in the chapter on Bewitched because this was the beginning of the show’s minority metaphor. It deals with Samantha pushing back against offensive stereotypes of witches, which could be mapped onto all kinds of oppressed people — queers, women, racial and religious groups, etc.

[elcomfortador]

The Evolution of Coming Out Episodes

This week, we’re joined by Matt Baume, author of the new book Hi Honey, I’m Homo, about the history of LGBTQ representation on American TV. Instead of a single episode, we’re talking about several, including some we’ve covered previously on GEE and some we have not!

All in the Family, “Judging Books by Covers” (February 9, 1971)

Soap, “Episode 1.8” (November 8, 1977)

The Golden Girls, “Isn’t It Romantic?” (November 8, 1986) and “Sister of the Bride” (January 12, 1991)

Ellen, “The Puppy Episode” (April 30, 1997)

Will & Grace, “Homo for the Holidays” (November 25, 1999)

Schitt’s Creek, “Honeymoon” (April 15, 2015)

Go buy Matt’s book, Hi Honey, I’m Homo!

Watch the Carol Burnette clip with Jim Nabors and Rock Hudson that Drew mentions.

Watch the Ellen DeGeners appearance on Rosie O’Donnell that Matt mentions.

And here is that Australian marriage equality ad.

Listen to that deep dive about Cool World that Drew mentions.

There are a lot of references to episodes we’ve covered previously, and check them all out here:

Archie Bunker Meets a Homo

Alice Dates a Gay Guy

Gomer Pyle Writes Gay Love Letters

Taxi Does a Bisexual Episode

We Finally Do Soap

Dorothy’s Friend Is a Lesbian

Blanche’s Gay Brother Wants to Get Gay Married

The Other Two Finds a Daddy

Ellen Comes Out*

Give us a rate and review on Apple Podcasts — and on Spotify too, if you can.

Listen now!

[apprenticemockingbird]

Tagged by @topsee-turvee!

Last Song: “Patsy Kline” by Pauline Andres

Currently Reading: “The Solider’s Scoundrel” by Cat Sebastian (a feel-good reread) and “Hi Honey, I’m Homo!” by Matt Baum (a retrospective of queer American sitcom history; I’m currently on The Golden Girls)

Currently Watching: the British “Queer as Folk” which is very good for reasons beyond Aiden Gillen.

I tag: @sternflammenden @queenofnots @queenvt @shadow13dickpistons @knee-uh @ravenkings