#hi hi !!!!!!! it was so much fun talking 2 u !!!!
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they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#i drew this a few days ago but im so tired after work ngl . sittingnin bed like =__= ..#and im visiting family this weekend so idek if ill get to it until next weekend#but ya i love them i loge them so much#i love the tension in atots right after stanford comes back#and hes like writing sll this shit ab stan in the journal#while learning that he stole his identity and so on and stans like hey so i did this rly selfless thing for u can you at least#acknowledge it and they r just stewing in their own anger 😭#actually i love their dynamic so much . the arguing as they mimic each other 1:1 and rhe animosity and#ykw im gna make another post but the grammar stanley scene is my favorite#magbe its not post worthy nvm idc but thats probably one of my fav interactions in the whole series#its so stupid that u know its real HELPPlike yeah that rly isnjust how it is . in fact ive done more over less 🫶#HAHAHAHAH#ugh.love . lovee i wish#i dont think gf needs a continuation im totally in the 2 season boat here#but if they ever did a post series stan and ford exploration ohhh believe . trust tht i would not shut up ab it ever#i want to see them talk so bad . im so greedy bc i feel like they didnt talk enough in the series bc im partial 2 them i just want them in#everything .#i think their personalities are so fun esp bc ford isnt the annoying nerd archetype i like that hes a cocky bitch#and i like that stan is an equally cocky bitch and they both have too much pride that they butt heads over literally everythjng#but they also recognize how ridiculous it all is like 😭. even when theyre fighting over the journal they both r like ok pause r u ok#hmm.. so many ppl here capture their dynamic well too.😭at least the people who dont generalize either into a single personality trait yk#imso tired im tired#but guys i love talking ab ford and stan theybr so everything to me in ways i dnt think incould ever articulate like u see them and u just g#get it . ugh. turning my head and passing out . ford is so funny hes so stupid i love him i cant bekieve i was a ford hater im sorry ive#atoned im changed im a changed oerson i didnt realize the magnitude of his serve .but stanley as my day 1 will never change . just know .(k#idk if anyonf ever reads this fsr down but if u r here say cheesee📸📸
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Was nobody gonna warn me that I would fall a little bit in love with every character in Stardew
#I am literally following them around and getting excited like a little puppy its insane#I cant decide who I wanna marry I like all of them… I was a little torn between Sebastian and Harvey at first but now Alex is an#unexpected fav??? and I like Elliott and Sam theyre so goofy.. and I appreciate how down to earth Leah is#Emily is also quickly growing on me she feels like the valleys manic pixie dream girl to me. or at least Clint’s manic pixie dream girl#the only characters I don’t have much to say abt are Shane and maru.. Shane’s still a little mean to me like I know he warms up to u as#u get to know him but I’m not there yet.. and I’m just not all that interested in Maru sadly#it’s not just the marriage candidates its almost all the NPCs especially Granny Evelyn SHES SO NICE?? shes fun to talk to I love giving#her my best flowers.. I also like saying hi to Willy and Marnie they’re nice!!! I love Marnie’s smile it’s so cute#I’m also fond of gus after seeing Linus’ 2 heart event that was so sweet of him… mister gus I’ll give u my best ingredience……..#I’m too busy trying to finish the community centre and make money before I go around marrying anyone or building up friendship#so I haven’t had a lot of time to get to know everyone ;w; I’m trying to trigger the wizards heart events now that I’m at like 9 hearts#with him cuz I wanna be able to move my buildings around#I actually have 2 saves rn one on my brothers pc and one on iOS. but the one on iOS is cosmos file and it just playing as him as a character#not as myself and I think he would marry Alex. but my pc save is my personal file so I’m marrying Harvey#until my pen gets fixed I’ll be drawing at a snails pace pairing the stupid thing but Im making cosmo a ref definitely#I kinda wanna get to know Pam too.. she’s like rough around the edges but in a jaded way I wanna know what she’s like yk#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#Stardew#yapping
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kon doodles ive been doing as i finish this episode :3
#practicing kon so like when i do ref 4 artfight i dont cry :D#also i just rlly like drawing kon…..#i gave him the same expression FUCK IGNORE THAT#removing pieces of his suit even tho u cant tell#BC ITS SUMMERR GIVE THE GUY MORE SUN!!!#supers should show more skin#yk what fuck u tell u my hc#when he got in2 tt he talked w/star & got a new suit shut up#also i gave him a skirt in this bc its fun#i dint change much but yk……#shhfkkgmgkke#im just doodling :3#puppee art#kontent#should i tag?? i dont rlly wannaa#i just dont want 2 flood tags EVERR#but like i kinda like these sketxhes so…..#kon el#superboy#pls dont kill me#tyy
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jouno’s eyelashes - a quick analysis
yes im analyzing jouno’s eyelashes. im obsessed with him what can i say.
one thing i’ve noticed throughout my many rereads of jouno’s segments of the manga is that he is actually given eyelashes in a lot of the panels he is present in! often times they’re just thin white lines but they’re definitely there. here are some examples.
now, if we recall back to what harukawa said about eyes a long time ago:
the darker ones eyes are, the more tainted or corrupted a person is. someone who is doing good and/or feeling good may have whiter eyes. to rephrase, one who’s eyes are dark are typically doing something corrupt and/or are in an emotionally bad state. we see this numerous times throughout the manga with many characters, the shade of their eyes changes with their emotion at the time usually.
now what does this have to do with jouno? well, i believe his eyelashes are used to display his intentions since he keeps his eyes closed constantly.
now, there are definitely some exceptions to this. panels where his eyelashes are small could be hard to colour this way, so im looking past a few instances for that purpose.
anyways, i believe looking at his eyelashes in this perspective also hints towards his betrayal of fukuchi, since you can see he has good intent. more on this later.
i'd also like to preface this by reminding you that jouno believed he was in the right with most things he did. he was sure the agency was in the wrong for a long time, times where his lashes were white while dealing with the agency was likely because he believed himself to be doing what is good.
now, starting with his debut in chapter 57, his eyelids are almost completely black as he arrests dazai
his eyelashes appear a bit darker as he torments people i find.
such as shortly after he slices kunikida's notebook and asks tetchou to kill yosano.
one scene i actually want to put a lot of emphasis on here is chapter 78's interaction between jouno and kunikida.
here is his face when he first walks in, he's simply making small talk over how a terrorist attack is awful
we can see his lashes pretty well.
we can also see it well when he's talking about his asian pear. maybe he just really likes them.
however, as the conversation progresses onto tormenting kunikida, his eyelids casually grow darker.
they're not completely black yet, but you can tell he is enjoying bothering kunikida despite his claim of innocence.
after this, you can see his lashes are a little brighter as he announces that yosano is going to be executed.
this makes sense remembering that he is under the belief that yosano is guilty of terrorism and is getting the punishment he believes she deserves.
after this, jouno walks away as kunikida cries out in anger.
his eyelashes are almost completely black here, likely because he is getting nothing but personal enjoyment out of kunikida's grief. he isn't doing good by this and this could definitely be seen as corrupt behaviour.
a huge contrast to what i've been saying falls in chapters 71 and 72, the cafe scenes.
you can see the white of his eyelashes in nearly every panel he's in.
what makes this different than when he was bothering kunikida is that bothering the cafe owner was moving his case forward. he believed he was pursuing justice and doing what is right by extracting important information here; as opposed to doing nothing but mentally torturing someone who isn't improving his case. from his perspective, his actions weren't tainted in anyway except possibly approach, but since he was doing what was right his eyelids were painted white.
another example of this is in chapters 60 and 61, when he is fighting the agency for the first time.
and when the agency escapes and he's surprised to find out the pursued terrorist group would have allies in chapter 62.
i found that these three chapters had a lot of small panels where you couldn't really see the detail of his eyes, but generally they were white as he caught the criminals. they were also white as they escaped, since he was likely confused that people were easily supporting the group he perceived as evil.
my last example of this is his eyes being very white as he tortures the bank robbers in the flashback scenes in chapter 92.5.
he believes that he is seeking justice here. the robber gets what they deserve, and his intentions are what he believes in just which explains his eyes being white.
anyways, to summarize this all: jouno's eyelashes colour often displays his morality. his lashes seem to be coloured more white when he is doing what is morally right from his perspective. even if what he is doing is considered brutal by most, his eyes glow white if it is in pursing of justice or good. in contrast, if what he is doing has no overall benefit and he is just distressing someone for purely his own enjoyment, his eyelids often are coloured much darker.
however, as i said above i believe this subtly hinted at jouno's betrayal of fukuchi.
in chapter 92, we can still see by his eyelashes that he has the right intentions when hunting for the agency.
and towards the end of the chapter we see his eyes still have a small white streak, implying his bluff on actually being willing to switch to the other side. at the same time, the thinness of the lash could be so small because he is lying to his superior as well, which i suppose could also be seen as tainted behaviour.
however, after fukuchi's plan is unraveled we see the brightness shine again.
as i stated above, when he isn't doing what he believes is right or is tormenting people for no reason but his own enjoyment, his eyes look black. but if you look at the image below you can see his eyes are partially coloured white, hinting that he was going to do what was right. it is subtle colouring, i assume that is partially due to the fact that his face was rather small on the page. but regardless it is still noticeable.
and what do we know? he did switch up and betray fukuchi shortly after saying this.
with that in mind, there's one scene i deliberately avoided bringing up until now; the scene i believe heavily tries to avoid hinting at jouno's betrayal of fukuchi. im referring to the scene where jouno confronts aya.
as i said, if jouno is acting corrupt towards someone for his own fun, his eyelids are dark, but if he's doing something that he believes is just his lashes remain partially white. i believe that out of context his eyes would likely be black as he torments aya, however since he secretly had good intention they would have actually been white.
however, the readers had yet to know the context of his approach until the end of chapter 93, so they needed to hide the fact that he may have had good intent here.
so harukawa kept his eyes covered (or coloured his face differently) throughout the scene.
the most we see of his face in this whole scene is his side profile, which is small enough to not need to colour his eyelashes in.
i believe this was an intentional choice to keep the readers from guessing that he was doing something he believes is right here.
anyways, to sum up this segment i believe that jouno's eyelashes in chapter 92-92.5 subtly hinted at the fact that he was indeed siding with aya and was preparing to betray fukuchi.
in conclusion, i believe jouno's eyelashes hint at his true intent a lot. they show that he is a good person hiding behind a facade. the shading of his eyelids is a lot more subtle than how most character's eyes look in the manga, which i believe helps add more to jouno's somewhat moral ambiguity. he is an incredibly well-written character and i can't wait to see more of him!
#i actually had more examples on how his lashes show his morality but i maxxed out on images sigh#not even kidding i had to leave out so many parts due to lack of images that i may need to make jouno's eyelashes part 2.#i actually have a tiny suegiku analysis based off jouno's eyelashes cooking in my head right now. if u want me to post it i will!!#i hope this makes sense though. ive never seen anyone talk about it!#and who if not me will write a nearly 1.4k word mini essay on jouno's eyelashes(i love jouno so much)#how i believe his eyelashes show that he cares about the hunting dogs despite what he says because theyre usually white around them.#<- things that only make sense to bsd fans#this was fun to write as well! i got to just look at pictures of jouno and write my thoughts down yahoo#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd jouno#saigiku jouno#jouno saigiku#jouno bsd#jouno#bsd analysis#bsd thoughts#untagged images#axls rambling
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[vibrating a little too fast] Do You Understand My Vision Yet
#twst#twisted wonderland#cereal tries to draw#cater diamond#jade leech#trey clover#and some other guys but this aint about them#girl i do not even begin to know how to tag this one#trejeikei. treycayjay. caterjadetrey. girl fucking help#i still subscribe to jade having a crush on both of them at the same time and Being Weird About It lol#my fave thing in fanart is w/octavinelle if anyone is drawing shipping art of one of them with someone#the other two being either confused or disgusted or just bullying for fun about it#and then my other favorite is riddle being pissed as hell finding out his beloved card soldier besties are turning to the dark side#fraternizing with the enemy. [kissing a fish boy]#cater and trey both picking octavinelle for their union bday dorm choice is still so funny to me#AND THEN RIDDLE WENT AND PICKED JADE FOR HIS THEORETICAL BROTHER CHOICE LOL god dont even get me started on them#i am also obsessed with jade and riddles dynamic but god. no time for dat now goku.#cater voice hey siri what do u do when a boy holds ur hand and Wont Let Go#i love trey but i feel like i only ever draw him as a tiny head icon w/someone else talking about him fkshfkldshf#i mean ive drawn him in more things sometimes. usually treycay. i just dont post him very much#idk why hes so hard to draw LOL#i passively enjoy treyjade i think i used to look it up more in early twst days#but i ALSO like them both with CATER A LOT and u know me. love to tape characters together. into the polycule soup with you boy.#anyway in that first one cay i think was like 'wow jade kinda never expected u and trey to get together lol no offense -'#and jades like 🤝 well i dont mind sharing 😌#SHARING WHAT- theyre all holding hands now the end :]#riddle voice if u break cater and/or treys hearts it is On Sight jade leech#jade voice teehee well we wouldnt want that ill do my best 😌#riddle is not convinced.#anyway shoutout to ME and the like 1-2 people this might appeal to lol
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Broke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's too violent
Woke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's afraid to hurt people
#obviously it's always funny to do the whole 'what do u have there Damian?' 'a knife!' 'nO' thing#and like make him a horrendous and silly evil gremlin who can and will pull a sword out in the middle of a parking lot to fight#but listen#he doesn't like the assassin background that much and once he learns about like The Normal World he's honestly in anguish about it#that's canon! that's the truth! (right?) (the whole thing with Goliath?? I'm not making it up right???)#i think he's just the kind of guy who loves his swords because they're what he knows and they're a strong connection to his family#but I think it's nice if he spends his time on field telling others what to do because everyone else learned to fight the OTHER way#(by defending and subduing opponents rather than maiming and killing)#so he prefers to take on a tactician general role despite being perfectly capable as a fighter because he knows what everyone else needs#to do to succeed in fights - especially when things are a bit of a mess - but is afraid to be too rough or scary or violent or Demon Son-is#(the things that make him feel like he doesn't belong in a happy civilian world - WHICH IS WHAT HE WANTS IN MY HUMBLE OPINION.)#in this essay I will explain why this allows for him to show awe and love for each of his siblings' fight styles by utilising all of them#and I just think Dami Babs and Tim could really work together as a detective/tactician comms team (with varying distances from the field)#because I think that'd be so fun: Tim is solving (mid-range) Babs is watching/providing supports (far) and Damian is commanding (close)#because the others are like The Bruisers (in their non-lethal way) who trust themselves to only hurt as much as is needed and are good at i#PLUS babs is SO stretched thin and literally the backbone of the bats so I just want a future where some of the kids become HER robins yk#anyway back to the point of the post:#it's kind of alluded to in 2017 supersons; EVERYONE in it comments on how Robin is JUST doing flips and shouting orders#and jon is like The Muscle and the one Doing Stuff - but Jon IS following orders 85% of the time and it works out well for them because#that dynamic of 'I'm not sure I can do it right by myself and I trust you to be my partner so we can do it right together' really#is my favourite like.. they're both filling these ideas of who they're meant to be and they just :( they just seek their own path together#oh no I lost the point again immediately and it became another WHY DO THEY SEPARATE THEM rant#I just think it's really fun to think of Damian as 'the most well trained fighter but ALSO the most likely to step back from a fight'#like yeah when we add in my thoughts on pit rage it adds some angst but that doesn't matter here in THIS post#have I even talked about my hc on pit rage/madness? I don't think I have LMAO (maybe another day)#anyway it's late I'm tired why do I always chat in the tags so much#my posts are literally all in the tags 2% post 98% tags smh#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne
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i love. all powerful whumpers. i know i talk about this a lot but i just really absolutely love when a whumper controls every aspect of whumpee's life. not even as a human, but more as a god. a being so far above whumpee that they genuinely have no chance of fighting back.
maybe whumper literally created whumpee, and is now playing with them like a puppet. and whumpee is forced to bump into the invisible walls of their confined world over and over again, realising again and again that they can only ever go as far as whumper allows.
and maybe... sometimes... whumpee thinks they have outwitted whumper. they find a little loophole, a glitch in the matrix, a tear in the fabric of their artificial reality. they take the opportunity immediately, thinking they're about to be free... only to end up as a pawn in whumper's game yet again. the opening was put there on purpose, specifically for whumpee to find. and where it led was entirely controlled. and whumper enjoyed every second of this delightful little show of whumpee feeling some hope, only for it to be violently ripped away.
again.
#im watching a stanley parable ultra deluxe playthru and it reminded me of my love for whumpers like this#specifically the ending where stanley decides to keep on the mind control machine#and the narrator is like oh? why keep it on? u want the control for urself?#u want control so bad?#u want ur own little story?#i'll give u ur own little story#and creates a fucking. timer that counts down from 2 mins to zero at the end of which everything will blow up#and continues to talk abt how stanley can have his little adventure now#isnt this so fun?#isnt this exciting?#isnt this what he wanted?#also the way he kept going on abt 'whats wrong stanley? running around not knowing what to do? are the choices u craved too much for u?'#'or did u perhaps think there was a way in this universe to turn off the timer?'#THE HOPELESSNESS OF IT ALL#THE HOPELESSNESS OF HAVING AN ENTITY CONTROL EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF UR LIFE AND EVERY DECISION U MAKE#EVERY DECISION U *CAN* MAKE#BECAUSE THE OPTIONS R CREATED BY THE ENTITY AS WELL..#idk man i just love it#whump#whump prompt
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I keep thinking of how I want to taxonomize Siffrin and Loop bc it feels significant to me that Loop and Siffrin both have inherently diverged from the same Traveler Mold they came from. But because I am like a 7 year old I keep sagely nodding to myself going "ah yes... just like mega mewtwo"
#do u understand me. do u understand my vision#they're both siffrins they are just two pathways of how the same one guy develops through their experiences in timeloops#that are the same in basic structure but different in how they affected them#so like siffrin and loop are distinct people. but they're also just branches of preloops siffrin. much like mega mewtwo x and y are distinc#but they are also mewtwo#<-(said like this is somehow profound and not stupid)#liek do you guys get me... i think loop and siffrin are very much in sync#to the point where as seen in canon it's pretty easy for loop to divine what siffrin's thinking down to the phrasing#it's really striking how much loop talks and siffrin fullass does not reply but loop keeps on rollin just fine#but fundamentally they don't think the exact same way when it comes to bigger things#like how loop never fully accepts the idea of talking to the king as something reasonable to do#or how act 4 siffrin is in their own damn world while loop is left going. Stardust what the hell are you on (morose edition)#i think it's fun to find the gaps between them#i've always thought it would be fun. in a postcanon timeskip scenario#for loop to be. flatly worse at reading siffrin than they expect to be. because siffrin has been healing and trying to get better#while loop has been becoming steadily bitter as they tried and failed to cut the rope on their own attachments as some kind of last measure#of self defense against the pain of paving over their old relationship with the party with a new name new role new personality new stardust#to exist alongsides#likewise i think it's fun if siffrin overextends his new understanding of loop as being another self and the feeling of recognition for loo#is simultaneously comforting and Tremendously grating coming from Fucking Stardust#especially if siffrin just assumes shit wrong cuz for as much as hes the only guy who can relate 2 being trapped in a timeloop for months i#was not exactly the same now was it.#isat spoilers#Sorry this is a lot of thinking outloud on a post where i call loop and siffrin mega mewtwo x and y
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imma be real with u guys i actually unironically love danganronpa but only the source content i hate 99.99999% of fan content so fucking much.
LISTEN THIS IS A HETALIA BLOG NONE OF US ARE BETTER THAN DANGANRONPAERS AND EVERYONE WHO IS UNAWARE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND DANGANRONAPERS TREAT KOKICHI THE WAY HETALIA FANS TREAT ENGLAND. EXCEPT WORSE. SOMEHOW 100000x WORSE
#AND IM 20 FEET UNDER IN THIS HETALIA SHITSHOW I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT PEOPLE BEEN DOING TO ENGLAND SINCE 2008#DANGANRONPA IS REALLY FUCKING GOOD ITS HILARIOUS#ALL THE CHARACTERS HAVE SWISS CHEESE FOR BRAINS#THE GAME IS FUN I LIKE THE MINI GAMES I THINK IT LOOKS GREAT YES I LIKE THE FUCKASS DANGANRONPA STANCE ITS FUNNY#THE FIRST GAME IS THE BEST ONE BECAUSE NGL THEY WERE NOT PUSHED THAT HARD TO KILL EACHOTHER LOL#AND ALSO THERES AN ENTIRE PART WHERE U GOTTA CONVINCE ONE KF THE CHARACTERS THAT ANOTHER ONE ISNT A GHOST#AND ALSO BYAKUYA TELLS TOKO TO STOP TALKING AND SHE STRAIGHT UP DOESNT FOR LIKE 2 DAYS AND NOBODY CARES LOL#toko is actually an incredible acomplishment because she is so genuinely insufferable and awful and everybody hates her for half the game#and then somehow by the end of it she hasnt changed but you just like her now its an amazing phenomenon#i cant think of a single other character that ive thought to be the actual worst and then later i like them so much even tho they havent#changed at all#bruh in universe shes hated too like theres that part where junko kidnaps everyones loved ones and we see peoples families n shjt#and then toko only has her goddamn pet stink bug#now that nobody likes danganronpa anymore (thank god) ill make my clearing kokichis name post one day... BECAUSE OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU#PEOPLE DONE TO HIM#HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM HE DOESNT SLIT HIS WRISTS HES A GAMER
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anyways . silly thing
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#animatic#i want it done.get out of here u stupid dog#ITS CHEESY.IM SORRY ! IMSORRY <embarrassed .truly#but i think. a gf revival would not be complete w/o me trying my hand at a shitty animatic. this 1 is for me dwg#as annoying as the whole process was it was kind of fun ngl. . like ive never been good at keeping a consistent style or chara model#and this was rly good practice for that .. i think looking at it now its like. no its crazxy its insane bc i dont ever want to do it again#at least in the immediate future but watching it back im like ok well.icouldve at least done that better. or tried to loosen up my vp and#made it feel less flat . <thats the devil talking & trying to get u back in on it.thats what i mean liike its fun but its evil and tiring#also im so creatively burnt out ik i couldve done so many fun ciphord gore things but i ug a 'shrug' pff 'shrug' i ?. yk#if only i didnt have the disposition to want to finish everything in one sitting. i think thats why i like static illustration#more bc u get more like. topical variety in a shorter amt of time u feel. anyways i remember hearing this song 4 the first time and in#my need to apply everything ever to my hyperfix i was like omg crop circles soo stanford lol. omg a deal he made when he was young.. & no#it doesnt feel so great does it .. (ciphordd)..then the eyes & fate i was alr convinced but when it got 2 the stanley part ab the taking hi#fathers brothers name i was like ok well fuck filbrick 1 . but rewritten for canon events anyways HELLO???????? AND U WILL DIE THE SAMEE?#much cooler version is still stuck in my head but i hope that u can get the same rudimentary vision i have
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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don’t you love it when ur friend forgets about u and ignores ur existence the second she’s near her best friend
#/sarcastic#but ugh i feel like an idiot#like yes i understand she’s ur best friend ur super close u know each others deepest darkest secrets u have inside jokes etc#but why the fuck are u completely ignoring me??#no eye contact not a single word to me and i have not idea what u guys are talking ab and im RIGHT HERE#like i know im short but i know u can fucking see me#the past few weeks have been nice we’ve hung out a few times and talked and it’s good#but the second her bestie is there is like i don’t exist#like am i missing something?? i know her bestie doesn’t hate me bc she said hi and hugged me#but she was also low key ignoring me and not including me in the conversation so i’m also annoyed with her#tbh from now on i won’t initiate convos with her like idc im sick of feeling like she’s only friends with me as a last resort#bc fun fact: we didn’t talk much for about 2 years and then out of the blue asks if we want to hang out months after she had a fight with#someone and lost all her friends except like 3#so idc i don’t wanna drag this on anymore#ok rant over time to enjoy my boba#ani’s stuff
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watched tbosas today. needless to say i am obsessed with the red uniform skirt and they should have been wearing those the whole movie. thank you.
#tbosas#much more to say about this movie but thats it for now#actually no lets TALK#they literally changed how the games end which is fine but like how is no one noticing#also um clemensia dropped in got bit and thats it?? bye bye? have fun?#also this annoying bitch in my grade said she hates sejanus in the movie but loves him in the book um please get his name out of your mouth#if you're gonna be speaking filth about my son#ugh#anyways um rachel ate#love how the movie can tell the whole story tho i *am* conflicted about my feelings on how fast paced it was#and then again not seeing his inner monologue is a problem but like it's a movie so idk#also ofc the vibe is different between parts 1 and 2 and part 3 idk why people dont like it i think its cool and like thats the point to se#his evolution#sejanus' death was horrible like i'm sorry the mockingjays reproducing his last cries for help are just.#anyhoo#i will not shut up ok let's keep going#ik that like ppl are simping for tom blyth and as u should tbh same but you COULD NOT CHANGE HIM OR FIX HIM IK ITS A JOKE BUT IT BOTHERS ME#SO MUCH#like ik it's being silly and goofy but it just rubs me the wrong way cause like its not true#also Tigris and Snow's story is so fucking sad kms#also TF WAS THAT MOMENT IN THE ARENA WHERE SEJANUS ALMOST KISSED CORYO WE ALL SAW IT OK#sejanus is not straight at all lmao he spent the whole movie batting eyelashes at coryo but ALSO i love the angst of the marcus x sejanus i#idea i made up#also coriolanus is so fucking goofy like bitch pls “mY oLd SeLf. I kIlLeD hIm To Be WiTh YoU” bestie sit down#ok rant over#yelenaposts#sejanus plinth
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ohh the joy of videos and streams... i like listening to people talk about things they like/think about it’s very contagious... 🥺
#lizzy speaks#THIS IS BROUGHT TO U BY THE MINATO BRAINCELLS SHAKING BACK AND FORTH..#so so many of my interests feel like they're in some kind of hibernation lately in terms of the emotions they evoke#my brains been mostly gravitating towards formulating strategies and trying new things in splatoon right now... LOL.. so i havent thought-#a whole bunch about other things i like even if they do mean a lot to me..#so i really appreciate being around other people who really like the things that they like because its infectious and reminds me why-#i enjoy those characters / ships / whatever else#like oh... ryomina.. minato.. ryoji... i love them very much and i like hearing other people express their appreciation for them#also yosuke.... i like hearing my friends talk about yosuke his characters a very fun one for me even if i never took the time 2 personally#analyze him its just very nice to be around that kind of energy! im so grateful!#related but unrelated squid school made a video about the splatoon manga... which i havent thought abt in a month or two#yet somehow watching that revitalized my sleeping lil braincell that loves vintage coroika...#IDK i just feel like lately ive gotten to be around a very contagious positive energy of people who appreciate stuff and i like that!!#mayb ill stream again... something about talking about things out loud and not over text evokes a certain kind of insanity#i like to draw to express my love 4 the things i've come across but sometimes i think too much abt the quality.. LOL#so maybe ill just go FUCK IT we ball!! better to draw than to not draw at all. or ill just stream 2 outlet the 'hehe i love so many things'#there is so much love stored in my heart it hurts i lov So many Things and I love Being reminded of that god i love people loving things!!!
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wip wednesday: hoping to have all the fic revisions up by saturday (long shot tbh) or wednesday!
#idk how i feel about it bc i sure hope ppl weren’t attached to the original fic too much#i think this version is much better but this is what i get for basically posting my rough draft#& only realizing halfway thru writing the next fic that i actually like DO care about how well written it is#anyway#I told myself if the rewrite of ch 8 exceeded 12k i would split it into 2 chapters#it’s at 15k now so you guys are getting an extra wwgattai chapter#turns out a lot happens in 14 years huh#1. 50 y.o. birthday boy asks his bf to be honest after his big birthday bash#(not included in ch 8 rw this one was just for fun)#2. i didn’t want to send Mav to iraq & still don’t but i did want to foreshadow tgm mission in some way so this happened#3. really actually getting into what it means for ice to be at the top finally#there are better excerpts from that section but they don’t make sense ooc so u might have to wait another few days#spending the next few days with friends so hopefully i will get to work on this afterwards#too many tags bitch#top gun#top gun maverick#icemav#tom iceman kazansky#pete maverick mitchell#when we get around to talking about it#top gun fanfiction
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I never should’ve let mustached love bomber back in , he is so toxic and unstable and bad for me and it is ADDICTING
Like I eat it up. I feel myself feeling crazy! I know it’s gonna crash and burn by August so I’m like ? Just lean into it? Enjoy it for what it is and know he’s gonna leave and that’s okay. Life is short like I may just have 1 month of fun, right? Right?
#unhealthy#but#oh well#he wants me to dom him and maybe that will make it work this time#he’s addicted to ketamine and an alcoholic and I see literally so much of my addict self in him#like the need to constantly escape reality due to trauma#like we are both in the we have OD’d have a dead parent and are clinically depressed club#it’s so fun to fill that void with sex and substance abuse#but it’s sooooo unhealthy#it’s like is it showing that I’ve grown some bc I at least can see what I’m doing#self aware to notice but not enough to make myself stop#I’ve been avoiding my therapist she’s gonna have a field day when I talk to her#I should have just blocked his number and I never would have gotten the I miss u text#also lying to my closest friends bc they would murder me if they knew I was talking to him#but the sex we have is insane and we both fuel each others delusions and I think he’s so hot#I also know it’s all fake but I eat it up when he talks about a future together#it’s so fun to pretend and live in that fantasy for a few weeks#even tho I KNOW it is not real#my dumbass listening to Lana’s thunder while typing this shit up#that’s what it feels like!#whatever I’m gonna go out tn with my girls and#try not to have him over at 2 am tonight
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