#hi guys welcome to my stream of consciousness
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#mira murmurs#hi guys welcome to my stream of consciousness#i think im like. fr fr depressed#i dont really feel sad so much as just. vaguely out of reach anxious#maybe if i were in a place where i could talk about that it would be better#but i have chronic Makes Bad Jokes About Wildly Unrelated Things in order to distract from things other ppl didnt even notice#idk. i know its like after 8 u arent urself or whatever.#but i. straight up? im not sure ive felt like myself in years#like. its not as though i dissociate or anything i dont think#but nothing. idk nothing fuckin sticks#man.
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hey y'all
so episode 8...
i'm writing this as i'm watching it. tbh, i would also walk out of any room scott's in. cable, i get it.
logan!! what the hell?! just sarcastically calling scott "daddy"!? i choked. logan, sir, don't be like this (no actually, be like this).
roberto's mother watching fox news while calling the x-men terrorists omg, dude. jubes saying to him "you have a trust fund and i have good taste" iconic.
i hope rogue's okay, i hope kurt's okay... and once again, jean is jeaning.
i do love kurt though. do we have any theories on rogue? is she just out because she got blown up and the grief?
okay, how many of y'all are thirsting over magneto in his speedos? because they put in that shot on purpose!
always remember cable is a softy built like a brick wall.
doom! you better not be not trying to double cross these idiots for latveria, come on doomsy! you can do better than this!
talking of doomsy, what is up with people putting robots in people? (if you don't know, doom did this in the last year or so but for better reasons)
of course jeeves is a sentinel!
"oh my stars and garters!" indeed, hank.
love how logan was just watching tv when this went down, also keep him quipping.
oh, they dropped pirate swords in front of kurt - let's gooo
jubes getting attacked by sentinels in a mall... again! and lampshading it!
oh, our house is burning.
ewww the senrinals staring at rogue.
kurt is the certified bamf.
x-men is legit terrifying right now.
but hey, the summers clan are in fast and furious!
i hope magneto gets clothes.
aaaand back to terrifying
magneto was right!
oh hi petey, whatya doin'?
logan really out on the battleground titties out, huh? remy would approve.
okay, as always- thoughts and theories welcome! i don't think we have to worry about morph too much... yet. and i'm sorry this was such a random stream of consciousness, my head ain't in the best place today. surprised i could even watch the episode.
stay safe, guys and love each other okay?
i'm here if you wanna talk x-men or just say hi, feel free.
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My incoherent stream of consciousness about chapter 405
First of all: WHAT.
Second of all: SPIDERS FOCUSED CHAPTER WOOOO
Welcome back, Hisoka "I can get turn on by kids, but I draw the line at animals and multiple people" Morrow
...although Hisoka comparing fighting Ants with bestiality is a very Hisoka thing to do, I have to admit.
LYNCH NOOO
But at least Bono has his time to shine! Finally! I love to hear his inner monologue and learn more about his personality.
Rereading chapters 392/393 feels so different now, I'm gonna analyze every word and slightest microexpression of "Hisoka" (wait, does it mean that this amazing fit was also Bono's idea??)
Zakuro said Bono has "overwhelming aura" and "he's more dangerous than anyone we've ever met". I wonder if he can somewhat mimic auras of people he impersonates, or that's his own power. He's a Spider, so neither would be that surprising tbh.
I hope there will be more about his abilities. Summoning Jupiter and changing appearance fit Conjuration, but how they fit with each other? And his dances? Does Bonolenov just have versatile interests or are those things connected in some way? (yes, I like to overthink Nen, how could you tell?)
Owl is such a peak design, good to see him/his appearance again
The Troupe cares so much about Chrollo's well-being and mental state 😭 Found family fr fr
HE'S FUCKING DEAD LETS GO 🕺🤸♂️🕺🤸♂️
(although it may affect some things in Spiderling... maybe I'll just ignore it, or assume that one dead guy doesn't solve the issue etc)
I like when characters think. And are intelligent. Like Chrollo predicting what mafia will do with Hisoka, or Nobunaga, Feitan and Phinks deducing what Heil-Ly Family is up to. In general, I think this series is very good at not making characters "stupid for the sake of plot" and making them logical or realistically illogical instead. I didn't realize how I missed it during the hiatus. Well, I assume that, by HxH tradition, nothing will go according to any plan ever made anyway, but I appreciate that those plans are good.
I have a feeling that a lot of people will be dying soon, and I don't like it, cause I got attached to a lot of those randoms but.. Morena 🥰😍💕
Mood.
Anyway, Hisoka delendus est ☝
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Ladies, Gents and everyone outside and in-between, welcome to this perpetually inconsistent mess of a blog. I'm Ash K. Gray, you can call me... literally any part of that pen name. I'm (allegedly) a writer and comic artist just trying to have fun with as many mediums as I can.
Big media enthusiast, here, which is why you can catch me on Youtube rambling away about one thing or the other. My fan-fiction requests are OPEN, so have at it! Or just read my pre-existing stuff over on AO3.
I also have an instagram, a Cara and a Chill Subs account where you can get a look at my published stuff. You can also buy something off my inprnt shop or support me on Ko-fi! ( feel free to drop some print requests in my inbox )
My asks are always open, but I can be a little slow with them at times. Lovely having you here. Cya 'round!
Under "Keep reading," you'll find little synopses of my long-term works and their tags on here so you can keep track of whichever ones interest you ( if any do at all ).
Fanworks:
When Flag Posts Fall and Ashes Remain
A Flaggburning (Frank Burns x Colonel Flagg) fic series written with the intention of studying and developing the character of Frank Burns.
Modes of Being
A Friends sequel retconning my stifles with the finale without rewriting it. The plot centers around Rachel's career and her friendship with Chandler as well as his and Monica's marriage, which seems to have been hit with a single stifle: Joey Tribbiani.
Original Works:
Nothing Is Amiss [ #akg nia ]
Aidan 'Noah' Newman, a well-spoken journalist with a proclivity for the rational, gets involved with a peculiar theory about the nature of existence. Things do not go amiss. Everything is perfectly fine. It's a very wholesome tale of love, freedom and adventure; a journey into the depths of the human essence that endeavors to ask - albeit never quite answer - the enigma of autonomy.
As Told By Dean Baxter [ #akg atbdb ]
The cynically narrated chronicles of a guy who, although not yet a protagonist in his own right, seems to stumble his way into the not-so-wonderful world of romantic endeavors, albeit never his own. In high school, he fulfills the role of a background character in a puppy love scenario. As a freshman in university he winds up the center of a love triangle....'s best friend. As a senior, he's mistaken for a love rival. Wonder what role he'll play when he's well into his career.
Ernaline [ #akg ernaline ]
A multimedia horror conglomerate of comics and written fiction that follows different cast members within the same world. From witches and demonic cults to emotional vampires and phantoms; Ernaline is a mixture of comedy and horror that seeks to entertain before anything else.
Hindrances Overload [ #akg ho ]
Everyone's lives have got their own fair share of hindrances along the way. Combine fifteen schoolmates' hindrances together, though, and now you've got yourself an overload. This is a simple comedy slice-of-life following the streams of consciousness of fifteen sophomores that just so happen to go to the same school. When they graduate, regardless of how much they change and the varying degrees of the hardships they get into, our tale concludes.
The Void's Gameshow [ #akg tvgs ]
The Nameless Host is bound to an endless, ever-lasting void. Their only purpose is to run a sadistic gameshow to satisfy the urges of a viewership not entirely within the realms of mortal comprehension. Every year, a series of roulettes is rolled to decide the nature and location of the show's four new unfortunate contestants. This season, said contestants are the uptight Eric Schultz, the clever Keishi Tokugawa, the brawny Riley Wellobie and the sweet Maria Dujardin. Their only objective is to survive.
post dividers by: @k1ssyoursister
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CHAPTER 6 - The 'Subject' at Hand
Don stared up at the ceiling taking note of the various cracks and spots of grime spackled across it's surface. The air was still and empty as he took a slow long breath. The faint aroma of apples still loomed even after he blew out the candle around ten minutes prior. The only sound he heard was the light breaths of the girl...mutant.. turtle.
At this moment, Don came to the embarrassing realization that he never got the name of the female mutant.
Acting immediately to right his wrong, Don slowly turned towards.. the girl, and placed his hand gently atop the blanket, so as not to scare her.
It didn't work.
Lotus gasped sharply and punched the first thing closest to her:
Don's face.
He groaned loudly as his hands covered his now brightly-hued snout.
Lotus blinked and shook her head to recover from drowsiness. One moment she was asleep, the next her fist was shooting out to fend off the enemy towering over her bed... But as her eyes filled with consciousness and clarity, she came to the realization of what she did... She looked down, craning her neck over the edge of the mattress, to see a very dazed Don.
' Did I DO THAT??? '
Lotus at first denied that she was the cause of Don's sudden.. discomfort. But her mind changed to see the truth of the matter as a faint burning ached in her right knuckle.
' Oh CRUD IT WAS ME. '
She slowly raised her hand in a closed fist, and hovered it over her plastron in a circular motion. ( ASL for "Sorry" )
Don squinted one of his eyes open to see Lotus apologize for the sudden.. well.. attack.
" Id's....ugh... id's fide. " Don mumbled.
Just then Raph walked into the bedroom, IMMEDIATELY bursting into laughter at the sight before him.
" HAHHHAHHAAAAA!!! What the heck happened to you??? You get pummeled by the crippl-" Raph's question was briefly halted as Don's leg swung out tripping him.
" Fine, fine. Ya good?... " Raph was never one to hold back his concern for his brothers. However, most of the time he would combine it with insulting them at the same time. A true skill in his book.
" Id's nodthing. I wad just beig dumb." Don groaned, as he wiped away the small stream of red from his nose.
" S- sorry about that. " Lotus grimaced.
Raph's eyes widened in surprise from hearing the stranger's voice for the first time.
" So! It can talk-"
" -RAPHAEL KISHO HAMATO. " Don warned.
Raph's shoulders twitched at the sound of his full name, as he turned to Don.
" YEESH. WHAT? What did I do?? Seriously, I can't even tell what's gonna short-circuit your wires sometimes.. "
Don fixed his glasses, which were placed crookedly on his face from the sudden attack, and cleared his throat.
" Sorry about my brother.. His tongue sometimes moves faster than his BRAIN. "
Raph shrugged and crossed his arms as Don gave a quick side eye to him, and then returned his attention to the girl.
" He does have a point though... I can't believe I was so rude, I..um... I never actually got your name. "
Lotus gave Don a sheepish smile and sat up. Her eyes directed themselves from the brothers to the soft blanket resting in her lap. It wasn't exactly preferred for her to re-visit her memories of.. the lab. But these guys have been so nice.. And despite her ATTACKING one of them, they were still being so generous and welcoming.
She owed them.
So the least she could give was a little info about herself.
" I... I was classified as Subject 19. "
Don and Raph exchanged glances, raising their eyebrows at the sudden pity they felt for Lotus. It almost looked like they could read each other's minds or something from how one would change their facial expression, and the other would react. If you hadn't been able to see their mouths or hear them, their faces would appear to be in a conversation.
But neither of them spoke a word.
Lotus winced at the silence she had caused. She paused to focus on pulling back to light a deeply faded memory from her mind. All the scientists called her Subject 19...
.... all.... except one.
" But I sort of remember a different name. One a kind woman gave me..."
Raph and Don's gazes turned toward her, seemingly ending their unspoken conversation.
".. She told me my name was Lotus. "
She closed her eyes and ran through all her memories she could reach from that time of her life: Nearly the beginning. Images of a kind face with slender hands, painted nails, and soft hair stepped out from the shadows of forgotten-ness. A sweet smell of baked goods always loomed in the air around her thanks to her perfume. Her voice was low and warm, almost always used to sing lullabies.
Lotus pulled away from her memories and returned to the present.
".. So.. I guess.. You can call me Lotus."
Raph closed his eyes and nodded, as Don smiled.
" That's a beautiful name. Well.." Don reached out his hand to her, "..it's nice to meet you, Lotus."
She looked at Don with questions in her eyes, but slowly reached and shook his hand.
" Um.. Nice to meet you too, Donatello. And.... um?.." Lotus raised her eyebrows at Raph.
He snickered to himself and raised his own hand.
" Name's Raphael. But you can call me Raph."
Lotus gave a small bow with her head and shook his hand.
" Nice to meet you, Raphael."
Raph's single brow raised and he put on a tiny pout.
Lotus minimally tilted her head, but jolted as she realized her mistake.
" - SORRY! Sorry! Um.. I mean Raph? " Lotus corrected herself.
Raph's brow lowered as he gave a small smirk.
" There we go. "
Lotus gave a crooked smile back, and then straightened her position.
" So where's the other one?? The blue one.. Um.. Leandro? "
Both Raph and Don burst into laughter, half-scaring Lotus out of her shell, but Don attempted to quickly gain back his composure.
" Heehee..His name's actually LeoNARDO. "
Lotus' face glowed with a light pink hue as she shyly joined in on Raph's chuckles.
" Oh.... sorry."
" That's why we just call him Leo. " Raph said through his chortling.
Lotus nodded.
" I see. Ok.. So it's Rapha- RAPH! It's uh Raph, Donatello, and Leonardo."
" Correct! " Don encouraged. " However, there are a few more family members you should know about. We have a Sensei, Splinter. He's pretty much our adoptive Father. Also he's a mutant. "
" A giant rat, actually. " Raph said bluntly.
Lotus' eyes widened curiously.
" Ok.. Splinter is your.. Sensei. Got it. Anyone else?"
Raph and Don exchanged a glance, this time making it clear what conversation they were having seemingly telepathically.
" ...Yes.... our youngest brother-"
"- MICHELANGELOOOOOOOO!!!!" Mikey cheered, as his head hung upside down over the edge of the top bunk.
And keeping to the continuity of her character, Lotus once again punched the thing that frightened her.
The force of her fist sent Mikey, face first, crashing hard to the ground.
Raph burst into another fit of laughter, as Don covered his eyes with his hand in embarrassment.
" Oye to the vey..." Don sighed, as Raph continued to die laughing pointing at Mikey, whom was now pinching the base of his snout to stop the bleeding.
Raph attempted to speak in between his laughs.
" MIKEYYYY!!! HEHA HEE!! Guess.. guess we shoulda warned ya...hehe.. Our guest here doesn't like to be surprised, you citrus- colored nutjob."
Mikey glared and dramatically shook his arms.
" - THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME EARLIER??!!!?? " Mikey shouted. Raph could only answer with more laughter as Don rolled his eyes.
".. Anyways.. " Don said in another sigh, " .. Yes, Lotus, this is our youngest brother... Michelangelo. Apologies for his.. forward nature and lack of brain cells. "
Once Lotus understood this new mutant wasn't a threat, she took a breath exasperatedly.
" You all need a better way to introduce yourselves.. Like a THEME SONG. "
Ahhh that felt great to get back to writing and drawing. :) This was a long one, but I loved making it!! :) Hope you guys enjoy it too!!
If you have any questions about my story or characters, I'd love to hear them! You can go ahead and send me an ask or message! :)
To God be the glory!
~ Melissa
Masterpost <- PRIOR CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER ->
#tmnt#my version of tmnt!!#tmnt fanfic#tmnt fanfiction#tmnt donatello#tmnt raphael#tmnt leonardo#tmnt michelangelo#tmnt au#teenage mutant ninja turtles au
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Chapter 11: Humans
(authors note: no sex this chapter, it'll come in with the next one ;) PS: I know the timeline is wack)
Part 1: Hot Springs. Robin
Waking to the gentle warmth of the morning sun streaming through the window, I find myself enveloped in Rimuru's comforting embrace, his rhythmic breathing lulling me back to consciousness. With a tender smile, I press a soft kiss to his cheek before extricating myself from his arms, the sensation of his warmth lingering as I rise to start the day.
As I make my way through our humble abode, a sense of anticipation prickles at my senses, a subtle shift in the air heralding the arrival of Shizu's companions. Stepping outside, I'm greeted by the bustling activity of our town, the familiar faces of Yohm and his party drawing my attention.
Approaching the trio with a sense of pride swelling within me, I sidle up beside them, a confident stance belying the excitement thrumming beneath the surface. "Welcome back, guys," I greet them warmly, my hands planted firmly on my hips as I survey their weary but determined visages, a testament to the progress we've made since their last visit.
Gobuta, ever the efficient aide, scurries off with a giant spider in tow, destined for Shuna's culinary expertise. With a silent exchange of thoughts, I entrust him with the task of attending to Yohm and his companions, a gesture of implicit trust in his capabilities.
"Robin? Is that really you?" Eren's voice cuts through the air, his eyes scanning me with a mix of surprise and admiration.
"Looking sharp, Robin," Kaval chimes in, his gaze appraising as he takes in my appearance.
Before the conversation can veer off course, Guido interjects, a hint of impatience tinging his tone. "Let's stay focused, shall we? We're here for a reason."
Arching an eyebrow in feigned curiosity, I redirect the conversation. "So, what brings you to our humble abode?" I inquire, masking my amusement beneath a façade of mild interest.
Guido sighs, the weight of their purpose evident in his expression. "We've come to seek audience with Rimuru," he explains, his gaze flickering to me briefly.
"And what about me?" I interject playfully, delivering a light punch to his chest. "Rimuru might be catching some extra Z's. How about I get you settled in? The hot springs are calling after your journey."
Fuze's cautious gaze lingers on me, a hint of skepticism coloring his scrutiny. "So, you're a slime then?" he remarks, his curiosity piqued.
With a mischievous grin, I beckon them to follow, my form shifting effortlessly as I lead the way to the soothing embrace of the hot springs. With a graceful leap, I transform into my slime form, the anticipation palpable as I guide them towards their destination.
As they immerse themselves in the rejuvenating waters, a collective sigh of relief escapes their lips, the tension of their journey melting away with each passing moment. Drifting lazily on the surface, I turn my attention to Fuze, the tranquility of the surroundings lending a serene air to our conversation.
"So, you wished to speak with Rimuru?" I inquire, my voice carrying softly over the gentle lapping of the water.
Fuze nods, his demeanor shifting slightly as he gathers his thoughts. "Regarding the recent orc lord incident... Are we to be wary of your intentions?" he ventures cautiously, his eyes betraying a hint of apprehension.
With a reassuring smile, I extend a calming presence, the faint ripple of magicules dancing upon the water's surface. "While we may not be entirely passive, rest assured that we seek only peace. Treat us with respect, and we shall extend the same courtesy in return," I assure him, the weight of my words punctuated by the subtle shift in the atmosphere.
Relieved, Fuze reclines back into the warm embrace of the water, a tentative smile gracing his features. "Thank you for clarifying," he murmurs gratefully, the tension dissipating with each passing moment.
Before our conversation can delve further, the soft sound of footsteps heralds Rimuru's arrival, a tray of steaming tea in hand. "Good morning, everyone," he greets cheerfully, his gaze alighting upon me with fondness as he joins us in the tranquil waters.
I chuckle softly, my slime form morphing into a makeshift bowl that envelops Rimuru from below. "Good morning, my little cutie," I murmur affectionately, squeezing him tightly within my slime embrace while the others watch on, their expressions a mixture of amusement and confusion. "Oh, by the way, Rimuru and I are an item," I announce gleefully, our combined forms floating serenely on the surface of the hot spring.
The collective gasp that follows echoes through the hot spring, the men's incredulous shouts drawing the attention of the women on the opposite side.
"What's all the commotion?" Erin's voice carries over the walls, her curiosity piqued by the sudden outburst.
"Seems like Rimuru and Robin are a thing!" Kaval's voice booms over the barrier, eliciting a chorus of delighted squeals from the other side.
Rimuru's slime flushes a deeper shade of blue as he addresses me, his embarrassment evident in the subtle shift of his form. "Maybe next time, break the news with a bit more finesse," he suggests sheepishly.
I shrug nonchalantly, squeezing him affectionately. "Eh, it was bound to come out eventually," I reply, my tone light-hearted despite his embarrassment.
Before the conversation can stray further, Fuze interjects, steering us back on track. "About the orc lord incident, did you two really defeat it?" he queries, his gaze flickering between Rimuru and me.
"Yeah, though I may have gotten a bit reckless," I admit sheepishly, a hint of embarrassment coloring my tone.
Rimuru interjects, his voice gentle but firm. "No, Robin played a crucial role in the battle. We should credit a human champion and highlight Tempest's support in equipping them," he suggests diplomatically, his gaze meeting Fuze's.
Fuze considers the proposal, his hand stroking his chin thoughtfully before nodding in agreement. "A mutually beneficial arrangement indeed," he concedes, a spark of enthusiasm igniting in his eyes.
"Speaking of plans, Rimuru, we can't forget about finding Shizu's students in Engracia," I remind him, playfully poking his slime form with my own.
He giggles at the gesture, clearing his throat before responding. "Right, we'll need to head to Engracia soon. Any advice?" he asks, turning to Fuze for guidance.
Fuze, unfazed by our antics, offers practical advice. "You'll need adventurer's licenses to bypass the screening at Engracia's gates. Just swing by Blumond and register with the guild. I'll ensure the test is fair for you," he assures Rimuru, a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes.
Rimuru nods in understanding, mentally noting the task ahead. "Got it. I'll need some time to prepare before we depart. Oh, and let's schedule a meeting with Yohm. He might make a good champion," he suggests, his mind already racing with plans.
Fuze nods in agreement, stepping out of the hot spring to dry off and dress. "Sounds like a plan. I'll wait for you at the city hall," he declares before taking his leave.
Part 2: Meeting With Yohm. Robin
After luxuriating in the hot spring, we emerge in our human forms, stealing a private moment for a tender kiss before setting off for city hall. The brightness in our expressions reflects the unspoken bond between us as we intertwine our fingers and walk side by side. We acknowledge the citizens with warm waves as we stroll, my head resting on Rimuru's shoulder, cherishing the closeness.
As we approach the imposing white building, our demeanor shifts to one of business. Inside, before stepping into the meeting room, I steal a glance at Rimuru, unable to resist teasing him. "You're always so adorable, you know that," I whisper with a playful smile.
He blushes and protests, his attempt at denial only adding to his charm. "You're cute too!" he retorts before correcting himself, flustered. I can't help but laugh softly at his adorable antics.
"Sure, sure, keep telling yourself that," I tease, sticking out my tongue before leading the way into the room.
Inside, Rimuru takes the lead, addressing Fuze and Yohm with a sense of authority. "As you know, the orc lord has been dealt with. Now, we must discuss our next steps." He proposes the idea of a human champion, backed by Tempest, to solidify our relations with humans.
I playfully interject from behind Rimuru. "You're the boss, cutie," I tease, enjoying his exasperated reaction.
Turning to the matter at hand, Rimuru queries, "Any suggestions for the role?"
Fuze hesitates, opting for caution. "Perhaps we need more time to consider."
Seizing the opportunity, I offer my suggestion. "Yohm could be a great candidate," I propose, causing him to startle in his seat at the unexpected mention of his name.
"Me?" Yohm's confusion is palpable. "But why?"
"You're a natural leader," I explain, "and with some training from Tempest, you could become even stronger. Hakuro can whip you into shape," I add with a mischievous grin.
Yohm looks bewildered by my suggestion, prompting a chuckle from Rimuru. "What's with that look?" he asks, amused by Yohm's reaction.
Rimuru bows his head respectfully. "It was an honor knowing you," he acknowledges with genuine sincerity.
I can't help but giggle at his response. "Get ready to be transformed into a whole new person. Hope you enjoy the ride," I tease, a mischievous glint in my eyes.
Hakuro materializes as if on cue, seizing Rimuru with a firm grip. "A new student, huh? Hope you're sturdy," he remarks, his tone laced with a hint of challenge, before vanishing into the shadows with Yohm in tow.
"Well, I suppose he doesn't have much of a choice. We accept," Fuze concedes with a resigned sigh. "Just make sure he survives the training."
"I can't make any promises," I quip with a smirk, taking my seat with a casual air. "Say, would it be alright if we borrow Erin and her party for a bit? We could use their guidance to Blumond for the licenses."
"Of course, they could use some gear upgrades anyway. And if that's all for the meeting, I have matters to attend to back in Blumond," Fuze replies, rising from his chair.
"Yeah, I think we're done here. Yohm will be in good hands, and their gear will be top-notch by the time you see them again. Safe travels," I bid farewell as Fuze exits the room.
Turning to Rimuru with a playful grin, I make a request. "Hey, Rimuru, can you carry me now?"
He sighs, but with a fond smile, he scoops me up as I transform into a slime. "You know I can't resist you, my dear," he murmurs, holding me close as we begin to walk, my consciousness slipping away as I drift off to sleep in his comforting embrace.
Part 3: Feast. Rimuru
With Robin nestled in my arms, I can't help but smile, running my fingers gently over her slime as we walk together. The aroma of something delicious draws my attention, and I follow my nose to find a crowd of monsters gathered around a massive spider being cooked. I locate an empty table and settle down, Robin comfortably perched on my lap. The chatter of the monsters fades into the background as I lose myself in the mesmerizing patterns within Robin's slime, resembling golden, glittering stars against the dark backdrop.
Suddenly, a plate is placed before me, breaking my trance. "Here you go, Lord Rimuru!" chirps Shion cheerfully, leaning in close with a curious glint in her eye. "What are you looking at?" she asks, leaning even closer, her ample cleavage on display.
"Just admiring Robin," I reply, struggling to maintain eye contact and hoping she'll give me some space. "You can go ahead and get your own food now," I suggest, subtly hinting for her to step back.
"Oh, alright, sir. Let me know if you need anything else," she says with a smile before retreating to get her own meal.
I sigh with relief and lean back slightly, continuing to pet Robin's slime as I watch the monsters around us enjoy their food. I take a bite of the spider meat, savoring its crab-like flavor with a creamy texture and a hint of sweetness. "This is incredible," I murmur to myself, the taste sending shivers of pleasure down my spine. A few nearby citizens chuckle softly at my reaction.
"Thank you for the compliment on my cooking, Lord Rimuru," Shuna's voice comes from behind me.
"Oh, it's always a pleasure, Shuna. Your cooking never disappoints," I reply with a grateful smile, though inwardly feeling a slight twinge of embarrassment at being observed so closely, even by my own subordinates and citizens.
As the feast stretches on longer than anticipated, a flash of blond hair catches my eye, drawing my attention to Erin. With a silent signal to Robin, I leave her at our table and make my way over to Erin, gently tugging on her sleeve to get her attention.
"Hey, Erin. Would you mind staying for a couple of days? We'd like to get you guys some new gear, and I'd appreciate your guidance to Blumond," I ask, hoping it's not too much to request.
She turns to me, a warm smile spreading across her face. "Of course, Rimuru. I'll let the others know," she assures me before heading off to join the feast.
Satisfied with her response, I return to our table, scooping up Robin and carrying her back to our house. Settling into bed, I cradle her slime gently against my chest, feeling a sense of contentment wash over me after the satisfying meal. As fatigue sets in, I find myself drifting off, my gaze fixed on the mesmerizing patterns within Robin's slime. With a soft sigh, I embrace her closely, surrendering to the embrace of sleep.
Part 4: The Morning Before Departure. Robin
As I awaken, I'm greeted by the sight of Rimuru's adorable face mere inches from mine. A surge of affection floods through me as I admire his endearing features, marveling at his charm. With a soft smile, I shift into my human form, wrapping my arms around his petite frame, relishing the feel of his soft blue hair between my fingers. His warm breath against my neck sends a shiver down my spine, filling me with warmth and contentment.
Gently pressing a kiss to his forehead, I pull him close to my chest, basking in the intimacy of the moment. "I love you," I murmur softly, my heart swelling with affection as I gaze down at him. Reluctantly slipping out of his embrace, I dress myself in a simple cloak and black attire, eager for the day ahead, hoping we'll visit the adventurers guild.
Stepping outside, I'm greeted by the serene beauty of the morning. The dew-kissed grass sparkles in the soft light, while a gentle breeze plays with my hair, and the only sounds are the chirping of birds and the rustling of trees. A sense of tranquility washes over me, bringing both a smile to my lips and a tear to my eye.
As the rest of our companions begin to stir, disrupting the peace of the morning, I find solace in the quiet moments. Seating myself on the stump where Rimuru once named all the goblins, I watch the sunrise, lost in its beauty as our friends emerge from their homes.
"Good morning, Lady Robin," Gobuta greets me as he heads towards the training grounds.
"Morning. Try not to overdo it in training," I jest, a playful smile tugging at my lips.
"Come on, you know I'm tougher than I look," he retorts, flexing his non-existent muscles with a grin before continuing on his way.
I let out a soft chuckle. "Sure thing, buddy. Break a leg," I quip, waving him off with a smile before returning my gaze to the rising sun, soaking in its warmth for a few more moments until Geld approaches.
"Hey there, Junior," I greet him with a playful nickname, a smile dancing on my lips.
"Good morning, my lady. How's your day shaping up?" he inquires, a hint of warmth in his tone.
"It's going splendidly, thanks for asking. And how are you and the other orcs faring?" I inquire, genuinely interested.
Geld straightens up with pride evident in his demeanor. "Things are progressing smoothly. Construction is going well," he replies, glowing with satisfaction.
"Good to hear. Keep up the great work," I encourage him with a bright smile.
"Will do, my lady," he responds before heading off to attend to his tasks.
Before I can fully immerse myself in the peaceful morning, I'm interrupted by a familiar red oni approaching from behind.
"Hey, Lady Robin. How's it going?" he asks with a friendly tone.
"Just gearing up to get an adventurer's license with Rimuru," I reply with a smile.
"But aren't you supposed to be human to get one of those?" he questions, a hint of skepticism in his voice.
I raise an eyebrow, feigning offense. "I look human enough, don't I?" I retort with a playful smirk.
He hesitates for a moment before responding, "Well, you do have a youthful appearance, and, uh... you're not exactly... endowed in certain areas," he explains, a touch of nervousness creeping into his tone.
I feel a twinge of annoyance at his comment. "How about you stick to calling me beautiful, and I'll stick to not ripping your head off?" I reply with a half-joking yet menacing tone, emphasizing my point.
"You know what, I think I should get going," Benimaru announces, taking a step back.
I let out an evil laugh as Benimaru starts to back away, then bursts into a sprint, disappearing around a corner. Suddenly, I yelp in surprise as Rimuru sneaks up behind me.
He looks at me with a pout. "Why did you leave the bed? I wanted to snuggle you when I woke up," he complains, forcefully lifting me up.
Blushing at his sudden boldness, I brush some hair out of my face, feeling flustered. "I wanted to, but the sun was about to rise, and I wanted to watch it," I explain, offering an excuse.
"Not buying it. You're coming with me so we can cuddle before Erin's party wakes up," he insists, carrying me back to our house and closing the door behind us, before laying on top of me on the bed.
"Y-you're being awfully forward... what's going on?" I stammer, trying to hide my flustered state.
"Good question. All I know is that I want you," he admits, softly kissing my neck.
Blushing, I try to suppress any sounds as he kisses me, wrapping my arms and legs around him, pulling him close. "Well... I want you too," I confess, hoping he'll act on his desire.
"Good," he murmurs, smiling, before kissing my cheek once more, wrapping his arms around me tightly. His face flushes bright red as he kisses along my neck and jaw, teasingly doing nothing about our clothes, yet continuing to embrace me gently as he showers me with kisses.
"You know, Rimuru, you're so adorable when you're forward with me," I tease, hoping to convey my desire for him.
"S-shut up, l'm not cute," he stammers, flustered by my words, his confidence wavering.
I sigh, holding him close against me, reveling in the scent of his soft blue hair as it brushes against my face and neck. Despite his embarrassment, he remains pressed against me, seeking comfort in our closeness.
Our moment of intimacy is interrupted by a knock on the door. As we both scramble to compose ourselves and stand up, Erin peers inside.
"Hey... um... you two ready to go yet?" she asks, sensing the awkwardness in the air.
"Yeah, just give us like 2 minutes, okay?" | reply, blushing softly, wishing I had more time alone with Rimuru to explore my desires.
"Okay, see you soon," Erin says before leaving our house.
With the door locked, I push Rimuru against the wall, unable to resist the urge to express my longing for him. "I can't wait to have you all to myself when we get back," I whisper, before kissing him deeply on the lips. I gently bite his lip before pulling back slightly, asserting my possessiveness. "You're mine," | declare, a hint of possessive desire in my voice.
"Y-yes, ma'am," he stammers, his cheeks flushing crimson. He leans in to kiss me gently on the cheek before reluctantly pulling away and heading towards the door. "You can have me once we get back from Blumond," he stammers, clearly flustered.
I can't help but giggle at his adorable reaction, reaching out to boop his nose playfully. "I'm holding you to that, cutie," I tease, planting a soft kiss on his nose before happily making my way outside.
Part 5: Road To Blumond. Robin
I step outside, my smile radiant as I approach Erin's party. "Give Rimuru a minute; I left him very flustered," I admit with a playful giggle.
"Yeah, I assumed as much," Erin responds with a sigh. "You guys are very cute together, but geez, you're way too overly lovey-dovey," she remarks bluntly.
I deflate slightly, realizing I may have been too outward with my affection. "Oh... I didn't realize it was so much of an issue," I murmur, feeling a pang of guilt.
"Don't get me wrong, it's adorable and all, but you're totally rubbing it in other people's faces," Erin explains gently, her hand resting on my head. "It's okay, though. As long as you two love each other, then who cares?"
I feel a mix of relief and remorse. "No, no, it's not okay. I'm sorry for doing that to you. It's just... I'm just so deeply in love with him that I can't help but swoon whenever I see him," I confess, my voice tinged with sincerity.
"It's okay. Just tone it down, okay, girl?" Erin reassures me.
"I'll sure try," I promise with a soft sigh.
Just then, Rimuru arrives, looking visibly happy. "Hey, guys! Are you ready to go now?" he exclaims, his smile infectious.
"Yep, we're all good. Let's head out," Erin responds, waving for him to join us. I follow suit, a smile returning to my lips as we begin our journey.
As we walk, I decide to strike up a conversation with Rimuru. "So, Rimuru, what do you want to do when we first get our adventuring license?" I ask, my gaze filled with curiosity and affection.
"I don't know, isn't it kind of just a means to an end?" Rimuru questions, his tone contemplative.
"What, no! I wanna go on an adventure and get some gold!" I exclaim, excitement evident in my voice.
"You're basically made of gold," Rimuru points out casually.
"Yeah, and? You're not gonna sell me, are you?" I tease, raising an eyebrow playfully.
Rimuru chuckles, hoping to keep the mood light. "No comment," he replies, a hint of jest in his voice.
"Sell me, and you won't have a girlfriend," I declare triumphantly, crossing my arms.
"True, true. But if I sell you, I'd also probably have a lot of gold. I could just hire a new girlfriend," Rimuru teases back, a mischievous glint in his eye.
My expression falters slightly, a hint of concern creeping in. "You'd better be joking," I say, my voice tinged with uncertainty.
"Of course I'm joking. I wouldn't sell you for the world," Rimuru reassures me, chuckling at my reaction.
I pout playfully. "You're lucky you're so cute," I tease.
"I-I'm not cute! Shut up about that!" Rimuru protests, his cheeks flushing as he hides his face in his shirt, flustered by the compliment.
Giggling, I pat his head affectionately before we continue walking. Eventually, we reach the edge of Blumond. Rimuru dons his mask, and I conceal my aura as we approach the receptionist desk. I can't help but giggle as Rimuru struggles to see over the counter, prompting me to lift him up so he can reach.
"Th-thank you, Robin," Rimuru stammers, his cheeks turning a soft shade of pink. He then grabs an application form and begins filling it out, his focus on the task at hand.
The receptionist giggles softly. “Looks like we have a Shizu fan here. Aren't you a little young to be an adventurer, little girl?” she asks, amusement evident in her voice.
Rimuru shakes his head. “Nope, and I want to take the test today, please.” He clicks the pen to close it and hands her the sheet with determination.
"I'm applying too!" I chime in, grabbing an application and swiftly starting to fill it out. I decide to omit most of my skills, only listing my proficiency in armor manipulation, as it's the most relevant for the test.
The receptionist raises an eyebrow. “Are you her sister?”
"Sure am, miss," I reply, trying to play it off as casually as possible, hoping to divert any suspicions about our relationship.
"Well, isn't that just swell," she comments in a caring and slightly motherly tone. "I think you'll have to start at the lowest rank, though, little girls."
Rimuru interjects confidently. “Nope, we're very strong. Give us the test to rank up. We want to determine our strength.”
The receptionist looks skeptical. “Hmm, are you sure you can handle it?”
“We're both much stronger than we look, ma'am. Trust us,” I assure her, echoing Rimuru's confidence.
"Yeah, I'm totally swole!" Rimuru adds with a grin, attempting to flex his non-existent muscles.
"Sis, no... Just no," I sigh, shaking my head in embarrassment.
The receptionist nods, considering our words. “I'll go get the proctor for the test. Just wait right here, please,” she says before heading off to find him.
I take a seat, adjusting my clothing to ensure I look presentable. As usual, I don the reaper outfit, feeling a surge of confidence in my appearance. With my scythe strapped securely to my back, I can't help but feel like the epitome of coolness. However, my thoughts are interrupted when the test proctor emerges, hobbling along on a peg leg. I can't recall encountering him in the anime, which piques my curiosity.
"Hello," he greets us, glancing at our applications. "Robin and Mr. Rimuru, I'll be conducting your test today. Head to the training ground, and I'll assess your skills. Be prepared for a challenge," he adds nonchalantly, showing little reaction to our unconventional appearance.
I exchange a shrug with Rimuru before leading the way to the training ground. As I step onto the field, the proctor wastes no time initiating the test. "First up, hound dog," he commands.
With practiced ease, I swiftly dispatch the creature, demonstrating my proficiency without breaking a sweat. The proctor's expression remains impassive as he moves on to the next challenge. "Dark goblin," he calls out.
Before the creature can even take a single step, I eliminate it effortlessly, maintaining my focus and composure. Despite my flawless performance, the proctor's frustration becomes palpable as he summons a lesser demon in a fit of rage.
My eyes widen slightly as I dodge and roll out of the way, narrowly avoiding the demon's swooping attack. With quick reflexes, I slash upward, aiming to strike the creature, but my blow misses its mark, leaving me momentarily puzzled by the unexpected turn of events.
Reacting instinctively, I coat my scythe in my aura, channeling additional power into my weapon. To my surprise, the enhanced strike effortlessly slices the demon in half, its blood dripping off my blade.
I instinctively take a drop of the demon's blood, hoping to absorb its powers, before turning back to the proctor, who looks utterly mortified. Meanwhile, Fuze stands nearby, glaring daggers at the man.
"Um, did I pass?" | inquire tentatively, though Fuze's grumbling response leaves me uncertain.
"Sure, you did, Robin," Fuze finally responds, his tone strained. "Let's discuss this inside."
"Of course, sir," I reply promptly, gesturing for Rimuru to follow as we head indoors to address the aftermath of the unexpected outcome.
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Horsey
* * * *
Biden goes on offense.
March 11, 2024
ROBERT B. HUBBELL
If the campaigning over the weekend is a portent of things to come, Democrats should be feeling good. As Joe Biden continued the momentum gained from a commanding State of the Union address, Trump partied with the anti-democratic strongman of Hungary, Viktor Orbán. Biden and Trump gave dueling speeches in Georgia: Joe Biden delivered a fiery but traditional campaign speech. Trump rambled in a stream-of-consciousness manner that would have made James Joyce scratch his head in puzzlement.
The difference in tone and comprehensibility of their respective campaign speeches in Georgia was palpable. In this clip, President Biden thanks his Black supporters for their key role in his 2020 victory and asks for their support in 2024. He also praises the bravery of the civil rights marchers—including the late John Lewis—who were beaten on the Edmund Pettus Bridge fifty-nine years ago on Bloody Sunday.
President Biden said:
Thursday marked fifty-nine years since hundreds of foot soldiers for justice marched across the Edmund Pettus Bridge named after the Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan to claim the fundamental right to vote. They were beaten, they were bloody, they were left for dead—but they were unbowed. Our late friend, son of Georgia, John Lewis, was there. Five months later, what happened? We passed the Voting Rights Act [and it was] signed into law. But in the nearly six decades after that, the same forces are back, led by Donald Trump, taking us back in time, suppressing the vote, subvert[ing] elections. That’s why we have to stand up again. We know what to do. And my message to Georgia voters—and the voters all across the country—is to send me a Congress that will pass the Freedom to Vote Act and the John Lewis Voting Rights Act.
The new toughness in Biden’s speech is welcome. He is making a direct connection between the brutal voter suppression of the Jim Crow era and the reactionary tactics of MAGA extremists. And he is calling out Trump's submissive courting of foreign dictators. See The Guardian, Biden hits out at Trump in Georgia rally: ‘He’s been sucking up to dictators all over the world’.
Trump, on the other hand, attacked supporters of Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley—because nothing invites party unity like rubbing salt in the wound! He spewed venom and ugliness about immigrants, the media, judges, rigged elections, and Joe Biden’s State of the Union address—but heaped copious praise on the enemy of democracy in Hungary, Viktor Orbán.
Trump flitted from grievance to grievance, speaking in an opaque code that was comprehensible to few members of the audience. In the snippet below, Trump complains that people are saying Joe Biden appears to be more fit than Trump:
Somebody said he [Biden] looks great in a bathing suit, right? And you know, when he was in the sand, having a hard time lifting his foot through the sand, because, you know, sand is heavy, three solid ounces per foot, but sand is a little heavy, and he is sitting in a bathing suit. At 81, do you remember Cary Grant? How good was he, right? I don't know what happened to movie stars today. We used to have Cary Grant, Glark Gable, and today – I will not say names because we don't need enemies. I get enough enemies. Cary Grant was like Michael Jackson once told me, the most handsome man in the world, Cary Grant, and we don't have that anymore. The Cary Grant at 81 or 82, going on 100, this guy, he is 81 going on 100, Cary Grant would not look too good in a bathing suit either, and he was pretty good-looking, right?
Huh??
Of course, Trump's most reprehensible conduct was imitating President Biden’s stutter. In this post, you can see Trump mocking Biden’s stutter and a moving video of Joe Biden comforting and inspiring a young boy with a stutter. Watch the video of Joe Biden until the end. It will remind you (again) why he is admired and liked by all who have worked with him.
One man is a monster and a criminal, and the other is a decent, kind person who can empathize with the challenges faced by others.
This pattern will continue for the next eight months. Trump's hate-filled, rambling rallies will continue to alienate persuadable voters, while Joe Biden’s humanity will shine through. Of course, there is no guarantee of success in anything in life. But as between the two candidates, we should be encouraged and proud to have Joe Biden as our standard bearer.
[Robert B. Hubbell Newsletter]
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Scathed (Javier Peña) Chapter 4
As my friend Ashley put it, "The hip really is the main character."
Comments are always welcome! I love hearing your thoughts and reactions!
Rating: Mature (Again probably more like pg-13 but with language)
Chapter Warnings: death, celebration of death (Padblo Escobar's), brief mentions of the violence in Colombia, mentions (no descriptions) of rape, kidnapping, & abuse. Mentions of power dynamics and underage- age gap, anxious stream of consciousness, anxiety/panic attack
Words: 2,817
Series Master List | Author Master List
Journal Entry December 3, 1993
Pablo Escobar was killed yesterday. Dad’s having guys from the office come over tonight for drinks.
It seems weird to celebrate death like this, but I also understand it. Escobar was responsible for the death of countless people. I wonder if I would sleep better at night if Mig He was dead.
“Emily, can you grab the poppers out of the oven?” Anna asked as she busied herself over a mixing bowl.
“Yeah, of course.” Emily threw on the oven mitts. “Is Dad expecting the entire DEA or something?”
“Or something,” Anna sighed. “You’d think it was Thanksgiving or something. I think he thinks this will double as the office Christmas party.”
“Good, one less thing to host.” Emily rolled her eyes. “Speaking of which, this is his party, where is he?”
“He’s out grilling.” Anna pushed two pans of dessert into the fridge to set. “Have you decided if you’re going to stay out with us? I know these aren’t your favorite things.”
Emily shrugged. “I might, but I know there’ll be a lot of shop talk.”
“Kids all taken care of?”
“Ale and Miguelito are at Jen’s for the night and Mateo is out with the sitter. I think they were going to the movies. I’m sure he’ll be passed out when they get back.”
“Don’t push yourself, okay? Choose what’s going to make you enjoy the night best. You don’t get the night off very often.”
Emily nodded. “At the very least, I’m going to eat some of this delicious food.” She grabbed a cracker off the plate Anna was working on. She smacked Emily’s hand.
“Emily Louise, párale!”
Emily grinned. “Tengo hambre, mamá.”
Anna rolled her eyes, but Emily could see the smile threatening to break on her face. Anna always smiled when Emily referred to her as mom. She swiped another cracker. Anna pinched at Emily’s side hitting her ticklish spot. She jerked back in laughter.
Someone knocked on the door. Anna frowned. “No one is supposed to be here for 30 minutes.”
“I’ll get it. There’s no way it’s anyone from the DEA. They’re always late.” Emily headed for the door. “I’m guessing it’s the babysitter. Mateo probably left something behind.”
She checked out the window. It wasn’t the babysitter. Her eyes fell on a pair of too-tight jeans and a hand resting on a popped-out hip. She opened the door. “Javier?”
He looked almost surprised to see her. “Emily, Hi.” He wore a dark leather jacket and a flannel that was appropriately buttoned for once.
“I didn’t know my dad invited you.”
“It’s good to see you too.” His lips tipped up.
“Sorry, that was rude. Come on in.” She stepped aside. “You’re early.”
“I can leave and come back if you want.” He pointed toward the door.
Emily sighed, fighting back her smile. “Nah, we’ll just put you to work.”
“No, we will not! He is our guest!” Anna called from the kitchen.
“I didn’t know she could hear us.”
Javier lowered his tone. “She sounds stressed.”
Emily matched his volume. “She is.”
Their shared laughter turned into awkwardness that hung above them like a cloud. It was a weird thing to open up to a person and then not talk for a while. What do you say? Thanks for listening to my trauma. The right words felt unachievable.
“My dad is out back. You can put the whiskey in the kitchen.”
“I was planning to hold onto this all night. No need to dirty a cup. It is a celebration you know…”
“Yeah.” She forced a smile. It didn’t convince either of them.
...
“Okay, okay,” Walt Breslin spoke, hushing the small group of agents. One would’ve thought the group was much larger from their sheer volume. He raised his cup in the air. “To another motherfuckin’ drug trafficker in the grave.”
“Here, here.” The group chorused. Glasses clinked against each other. Discussion rose up.
Emily stared at the group from a distance, her back pressed to the wall. The label of her soda felt gritty under the back and forth of her finger. They wore satirically large grins on their faces as if they’d chased after Escobar themselves. Yet the one person who had, wasn’t even with the group. She didn’t know where Javier had disappeared to, only that he was still here. His leather jacket hung by the door, and she could just see his untouched bottle of whiskey on the end of the kitchen counter.
Fucking Walt Breslin. He couldn’t stand that he was stateside when he-who-shall-not-be-named was arrested, and now Javier was here the night they were celebrating Escobar’s death. It must have been driving him mad.
In all fairness, Emily didn’t think Walt was a bad guy, but she felt uncomfortable around him more so than she did the other men her dad worked with. Walt knew most of the truth. Her father’s right-hand man, he was on the tarmac when her plane landed in Texas that night. He knew the parentage of her children and whose bed she’d warmed. She felt that judgment from him, whether it was there or not.
She’d hit her limit. If she hung out here much longer, she’d be fighting an anxiety attack, even now her chest ached with tension. She disappeared down the dark hallway toward her room. Emily pulled the crochet blanket she made off her bed and around her shoulders. She slipped past the intoxicated DEA agents and out the back door, grabbing Javier’s bottle of whiskey on her way out. The door shut behind her and all was right in the world.
“We have to stop meeting like this.”
The whiskey bottle hit the group. She jumped to avoid getting her toes smashed. “Fuck. You gotta stop scaring the shit out of me, Javier.”
“How else am I supposed to let you know I’m out here?”
Emily rolled her eyes as she felt around for the bottle. Her fingers connected with the cool glass. It was surprisingly still intact.
She walked over to Javier. A cigarette glowed between his fingers. “Careful with my whiskey.”
He sat on the bench swing, her spot. It was big enough for two, but just two. If she sat, their shoulders would touch, probably their legs too.
“Y’all’s patio furniture is more comfortable than ours. This one has a cushion for my ass.” He wiggled in his seat for emphasis. “I gotta get me some of these.”
Emily plucked the cigarette from his grasp. She savored the pull before handing it back to Javier.
“Please help yourself.”
“You were going to offer anyway.”
“Would be rude not to.”
Emily twisted the top off the whiskey. She brought the bottle to her lips and took a long sip.
Javier’s eyes widened, the moonlight flickered off of them as he did. “I was going to say that you look like you’re doing well.”
She removed her lips with a pop. The whiskey sloshed within the glass bottle. “You look like shit.”
“Would you like a glass?”
“No need to dirty a cup.” Her lips ticked upward.
He shook his head, putting the cigarette between his lips. She tipped the bottle back again.
“Might wanna slow down there. It’s a school night.”
Emily stopped. She cocked her head to the side and just looked at Javier. So much of the time, she felt like a newborn foal, timid and shaky on its legs. Something else was growing inside her. She felt like an untamed horse, wild and reckless, stomping down fear and anxiety. Maybe it was the whiskey or maybe frustrations outran her anxiety for once. She did something that terrified her. She plopped herself down on the bench swing next to Javier.
Their shoulders brushed and she let them, separated by the thick crochet blanket hanging around her shoulders. It helped. She crossed her legs so they didn't touch him. Javier looked at her. She kept her eyes straight ahead.
“Why aren’t you celebrating?” She pulled the bottle back to her lips.
“I am.”
“No.” Emily looked at him. “You’re sulking.”
Javier sighed. He grabbed the whiskey bottle from Emily’s hands. He drank from the bottle looking at her the whole time.
“Thought it would feel different…” He handed the bottle back to her. “But people are still dead. Nothing is going to change that.” He closed his eyes, pictures flashing behind his eyelids. So many people. He ran a hand through his hair. Some he’d been responsible for, people he knew.
“I don’t think true justice exists…” She picked at the whiskey label. “He would’ve died thousands of deaths in all the ways he ordered it. He’d know all the pain and grief and trauma and all of its intricacies that he’s responsible for inflicting.”
Emily lifted the bottle. Javier stopped her. He took it and set it on the ground. She stared at her empty hands
“Do you wish He was dead?”
They were no longer talking about Escobar.
“Sometimes I think it would help. I always hear he was brought to justice. He’s going to rot in prison for what he did.” Her hands shook. She clenched them. “But not for kidnapping, or abuse, or rape-” Her eyes turned glassy.
Javier sucked in. He’d assumed. It wasn’t a stretch by any means, but hearing it struck something deep down.
“It’s okay that my story isn’t known. I prefer it that way, and I know there’s a slim chance he’d actually be convicted of anything he did to me, but there’s not a lot of closure because of it.”
“I think closure is a scam because if this is it, it sucks.” Javier picked the bottle back up. He gave it to her first.
She thanked him as she tipped it back. “If you want to get real existential about it, they’re all just made-up concepts: justice, closure, and all their friends.”
He took the liquor. “That hurts my head.”
Emily laughed. “I know.”
Cicadas sang around them. Emily picked up on the faint sound of laughter inside the house.
“How-” Javier stopped himself. It wasn’t his place to ask.
“Hmmm?”
“Nothing, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Emily bit her lip. “Were you going to ask how it happened?”
Javier looked away. He felt bad for bringing it up.
“It’s okay… It piques curiosity.”
“It seems like something you don’t like to talk about.”
She took a deep breath. “I was 15. My mom took us on vacation to Mexico. We stayed in the hotel He owned. My mother was all too thrilled when the rich hotel owner started taking a liking to me, and I-” her voice quivered. She picked at her jeans. “I was too young to know any better.”
She slid her palm in a long single motion down her thigh. Javier could only imagine the pictures running through her mind.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”
She shook her head. Her motions continued. She was quickly drifting away from this. Her breathing quickened.
“Give me your hand.” He held out his hand.
She stilled, staring at it like it was a grenade. She could feel the warmth from it, but he didn’t touch her. Her lungs trapped the air in her chest. He looked at her for permission. She managed the briefest nod and extended her hand.
His thumbs dug into her palm. It almost hurt, but not quite. It brought her off the edge saving her from falling into a cloud of memories.
He lowered their hands just above her knee. His fingers edged over her jeans. He could feel her muscles move and twitch beneath him. He gently increased the pressure. Her knee stopped bouncing. Her shoulders dropped, and her lungs released.
His thumb moved back and forth with long, firm strokes. It grounded her, made her feel less detached from the world, and chased the panic away.
Javier’s eyes were still trained on her. She looked at him. The words came out quiet. “Thank you.”
He nodded. “Feel better?”
Every voice in her head screamed and fought, but her body relaxed. “Yeah.”
He didn’t move his hand, and she didn’t want him to. They stared up at the December sky. Javier slowly eased his motions until his fingers stilled against her jeans. The whiskey hummed through her body, making everything feel warm around her.
She tilted her head to the side. “How is it that you know exactly how to handle me?”
“Handle you?” Javier’s lips ticked upward.
“You know what I mean.”
He took a moment to contemplate his answer. His forefinger thumped against her kneecap. Emily watched it. She still couldn’t believe her body allowed this to happen. She felt a little less broken.
“I know we went through different things, but-” He stopped. They locked eyes. “People should make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m never okay, Javier.”
“I know.”
“Neither are you.”
He looked back at the stars. His Adam's apple bobbed. His hand disappeared from her knee leaving a rush of cold in its wake.
“I’m not a good person.”
“So you’ve said.”
“You don’t believe it?”
“You know what I think.”
“My family thinks I’m this big hero.”
“Do you want to be a hero?” Emily wrapped the thick blanket tighter around herself. She shifted and their contact lessened.
Javier bit his lip. “I want to do things the right way.”
“You want to go back.”
“I don’t know.”
“I can see it. You’re already thinking about who’s going to pick up where Escobar left off.”
Javier bristled. “And what are you thinking about?” It came out a little shorter than he wanted it to.
Emily took it in stride. “Right now, I’m thinking that I can still hear everyone in the house which means no one is missing us, but nobody’s left. I know that Mateo is sound asleep in his bed. That I should probably go check on him. Not because I think there’s anything wrong, but because there’s this all-consuming need to lay eyes on him so that I can assure myself everything is right. Ale and Miguelito are gone for the night. They’re with people I trust implicitly, but I’m still expecting the phone to ring and say something has happened.”
Javier bit his lip.
“On a normal day, I’m wondering if Felix will get out and try to get us back. I’m not that far from the border, or will it be someone coming after us because they don’t want a child of His posing a threat.” The words tumbled out in growing succession. “Or maybe they’ll get bored and do it just for fun. Maybe it’s all irrational because we’ve been here for so long, and many of the people who know about us are dead, but what if someone has kept tabs on us all this time? What if I can’t get better? What if I get worse and I can’t be there for my kids? How can I be a good mother when I don't even feel like a whole-”
He reached for her knee again. Emily smacked it away. “Just because you’ve touched me once doesn’t mean you can do it again, Javier Peña.” She sprung off the seat, her chest heaving. Wildness burned in her eyes. It was getting harder to pull air in.
“Shit.” She sank to the ground. Her chest ached as she struggled to breathe. She pulled the blanket tight for pressure as she curled into a ball. Her eyes squeezed shut as she focused on her breathing. It wasn’t getting any easier.
Javier was trained to handle crises to operate under pressure, but he froze. His hands were useless. His feet carried him through the backdoor.
Anna was in the kitchen drying dishes. “Javier? I didn’t know you were still here.”
“Umm.” He pointed haphazardly toward the backyard. Why was he out of breath?
“What’s wrong?” Anna set the dishes down.
His tongue felt heavy and dry in his mouth, unable to form shapes and sounds. Laughter roared like a freight train from the living room.
“Javier,” Anna said firmly. It snapped through the fog.
“Emily.”
Anna’s eyes darted toward the door. “Shit..” She moved instantly. “Panic attack?”
“I-” was that what it was? How was he supposed to know what a panic attack looked like? “I think-”
Anna was already out the door. He followed her tracks.
He watched as Anna kneeled beside her. He couldn’t hear what she said in Emily’s ear. She didn’t move. Anna rubbed her hands over Emily’s back. Javier lost track of how long he watched. She eventually rested her head on Anna's lap. He imagined the tears on her cheeks, but he knew they were there.
He’d done that. He’d pushed her.
Guilt settled on his shoulders. Just another weight to carry.
Javier slipped out the back gate
#javier peña#narcos#Pedro Pascal#javier peña fanfiction#javier peña x ofc#narcos fanfiction#javier pena narcos#javier pena fanfiction#pedro pascal fanfiction#scathed
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Last @lonestar-s5countdown Beginnings and Endings Week Post
I have a new work schedule now! And Lone Star is ending with season 5 real soon! That’s been fun getting used to… (/s) so I’ll post my fanfic/ music recs as one post tomorrow. Let’s see how much I can post w/o this becoming a complete image-less wall of stream-of-consciousness… but it will still be inevitable to everyone in the LS fandom who follows my handle and welcomed me. And if I haven’t said it yet, or enough, or sincerely in the last almost-year, thank you. Just thank you for your niceness, all your everything you’ve expressed, letting me be part of the fan group! I really really hope the end of the show doesn’t mean the end of this community, but whatever happens, it’s been a hella exhilarating, emotional, and lively experience.
(1) Which 911 Lone Star season premier is your favorite?
It’s a draw between seasons 2 and 4– I like the season premieres of 1 and 3 as much as everyone but holy hell I was not ready for the emotional twists in them to hit me the way they did. I am still in emotional recovery in both the good and bad ways. Both 2 and 4, until their respective cliffhangers, were quite light-hearted and self-contained with hints at the storylines to come, and those were easier for me to enjoy. Plus, Tommy, Gwyn and Iris (re-debut, in Iris’ case) had some colorful debuts! (I will always wish that Owen and Gwyn’s characters had a little more time together outside of the wit/ playfulness/ vitriol, and a couple more scenes with TK without their son always needing to be middle-man. But Rob, Lisa and Ronen played off of each other so well!) Gina’s portrayal of Tommy was just magnetically charismatic even without Michelle there— ‘Nuff said. And while I had issues with Iris’ bluntness (especially since it sorta re-opened some of TK’s emotional wounds), I could relate to being on both sides of a conversation in a similar situation to her— seeming hard to read/ confusing to most everyone around her (sometimes even with trusted family/ friends), and being confused/ offended by the delivery of what we convey.
(2) Which character do you think had the best introduction or first scene in the show?
I’m gonna say… it’s a toss-up between Judd and Grace for their natural first integration into the story and the first successful show>tell moment about them (specially Judd) in the series, Marjan (social media firefighter Muslim badass, in a description), and Mateo (for his own intro as unassuming but more than capable— Julian nails the portrayal of this character archetype in LS and The Long Game). Confusingly honorable mention goes to Michelle in hindsight, though? To me, she’s okay as a character, but I do understand where some fans were put off by her personality/ Liv’s portrayal.
(3) What is your favorite moment of 1x01?
Judd officially starting his end of the friendship with Owen by strong-arming him into accepting a chocolate chip cookie— you try saying no to a big Texan guy played by Jim Parrack and a mom and daughter holding a platter of chocolate chip cookies. Really, it’s tricky and you will probably get on their respective neutral if not shit lists. And Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” was quite a bop to end on! (Though, how did people find that wild? Just a little confused.)
(4) How did you first start watching Lone Star and how did you find out about it?
My aunt showed my mom and me the first parts of season 3– I saw… looking back on it, I’m a bit fuzzy on details but sometime in 2022 (def not consecutive days tho), I think I saw part of 3x04, then 3x07, and all of 3x08. And that last episode made me sob, I’m not ashamed to admit it now or in my grief week post. (My mom, grandma, uncle and aunt were watching it with me at dinner and were very confused about why I was crying.) Then I saw the last 3 eps, and it got me curious/hooked, so I went into season 4 kinda blind. Then I downloaded Hulu to catch up on the series proper, and the rest is rewatch history.
(5) What is one wish you have for the season 5 premiere?
Mostly that the overall narratives don’t feel too rushed or forced should there be a timeskip? I hate that Fox couldn’t get the show renewed… but on a lighter note? I’d like a solid explanation/ in-character reason for Grace’s absence that IS NOT a character death, a breakup, or anything relating to misblaming Wyatt.
Open tag to everyone as well!
#911 lone star#911 lone star season 5 countdown#beginnings week#endings week#tk strand#carlos reyes#tag game sunday
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Time to start Maximum for Trigun Book Club!
Archive
Trigun Volume 1: Covers + 1-3, 3 Detailed Thoughts, 4, 4 DT, 5-6, 5-6 + DT, 6 DT, 7-8, 9-10
Trigun Volume 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 1 Supplemental Research, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8
Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 1, Chapters 1-2 below. (More detailed thoughts will be their own posts.)
TriMax Volume 1 Covers
Kuroneko on the chapter index gives me serotonin.
Vash finally finds a lamp with a genie in it and all he gets is punched. He seriously has the worst luck.
Wolfwook looks VERY possessive over that cross of his....
LOL, switched to the sex doll. Of course.
Chapter 1: Hero Reborn
First Knives is reborn, now Vash will be reborn?
Yeah... kinda hard to forget someone literally shot the moon when there's a giant crater on it now....
Vash with dark hair has made his premiere.
Hmm. Needs more floaty cloth bits.
Well, someone's having a bad day. I know I wouldn't want to end up tied up and tossed in a fountain....
LOL, they shout for the sheriff and the next character we see is Wolfwood. He's not a sherriff!
You gotta know a place is welcoming when you walk into a saloon and everyone immediately pulls a gun on you. I mean, that's just a normal day in Texas or Arizona, right?
Oof. RIP bus.
I mean, I realize Fifth Moon was traumatic and all, but somehow I doubt Vash would be filling someone with "twice his weight in lead."
I guess the person dumped in the fountain was actually the sheriff. Nightow could have shown the guy's badge or something to give us an indication of that....
Poor Vash. He doesn't deserve NEARLY that many knives in his picture.
Everyone has to ask about the cross. Wolfwood rarely actually answers. Deflection and misdirection is better.
LOL, Lina's face here...
Oh, man. WW's face in literally the next panel after Ericks's entrance. He knows exactly who he's looking at.
Vash Ericks, I know you try to look for non-combative solutions, but female-bodied folk really don't have a lot of options when people get handsy if we want them to decide not to push their luck beyond just being handsy.
Ah, see, this is why he thinks she overreacted. Because now a lot more people are in danger.
Heheheheheheh, WW, Lina, and Vash are all in such a close clump here.
Aaaand now "Ericks" has fully noticed Wolfwood.
Who the heck is this evil hamster of a human being?
All I'm saying, buddy, is that her footpring miiiiiight just be an improvement.
Gods, WW is so intent in this situation. Just looking at everything and listening to everything.
Dude, who STOLE VASH'S JACKET?!?! Also, those sunglasses jut feel wrong.
Oh, Ericks. So gentle....
Yeah, pretty sure actual Vash the Stampede wouldn't stoop to humiliating people as part of a power play.
Ericks, though. He's like, "Cool, a bargain where people live at the end!"
I wonder how much of Ericks telling Lina to cover her eyes is because he doesn't want her to see his scars.
WW wasn't really with the group long enough to see Vash's scars before, but this really clears things up for the audience. And you can practically hear the gears grinding in WW's head as he observes this scene.
Dude. This imposter even copied his gay little earing. Now that's commitment.
Opening fire on a naked man? Rude.
*sigh* All of that for nothing 'cause Lina's still caught.
AGAIN?! How often does this guy get shot!?
WW barely knows Vash and he's already like, "I WILL CLOCK ANYONE WHO SPEAKS SLANDER AGAINST HIS NAME."
What? He has super-healing? I mean, I guess that makes sense.
People really need to stop barreling their way into the infirmary....
Sheryl has a point. Things gotta get done. If the young folk won't help, then this old lame woman's gonna have to do it.
LOL, Wolfwood waking up Ericks will never not be one of my favorite scenes.
Awwwww, Wolfwood! Don't remind him about Fifth Moon! He thinks about it every time he sees that moon, I'm sure. It's NOT a pleasant memory in any way, shape or form, and he hates the legends around him!
Ugh, someone give this man a hug....
Cruel, indeed. The way he looks when he picks up that gun. There are so many emotions going on here. Loss, resignation, familiarity, sadness. Seriously. Where are the hugs for this man??
Wolfwood, always the pragmatist. He knows this isn't a great path, and how unfair it is for him to drag Vash back to it. But he also knows it's the path forward.
Heh. Yeah, just the two of them. For Vash to exhibit this amount of trust in WW suggests he's at least suspected WW's true nature for a while.
PUNISHER REVEAL!!!
Annnnnd Vash's first thought on seeing the giant machine gun is, of course, "Please, no death."
This panel of them heading into the fight together just fills me with so much joy.
Fake Vash is in a bit of a pickle, isn't he? Looks like he knows it, too.
Wolfwood reacting to Fake Vash demanding actual Vash say his name is beautiful. He looks like he's gonna die of laughter there in the dirt.
Heh. And with that last gunshot, Vash reclaims who he is.
And even after that reclaiming, he gets a heartfelt, genuine, and warm hug from a young girl who has only really known him as her friend and adopted family member, Ericks. <3
Chapter 2: Lina
"Something freaky is going on here." Yes. You're dealing with Vash the Stampede and Nicholas D. Wolfwood. Even one of those should be enough to cause serious alarm.
SHOES OFF THE BED. Geez. Barbarian....
Ugh, I love his expression here.
I'm sorry, I can't get over Wolfwood's weird duck face in this panel.
This is a very interesting take on the Lady and the Tramp spaghetti dinner scene. That poor sausage....
Aww, you can see where his hair's gone all dark underneath now that he has it tied back.
Well, that's one way to get Vash's attention. He doesn't have as much chill when it comes to his brother. And understandably so.
Uhhhhhh, what's up with that spiky weird shadow guy?
TBH, Vash has good reason to be suspicious of anyone who knows too much about Knives. Knives's games aren't about humans. They're about Knives and Vash. Humans are just pawns and casualties.
I love how this 12-year-old girl is able to cow a bunch of whiny, scared men with just her presence. I love how angry she gets on Vash's behalf.
"If he and his followers sniff me out..." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no comment. Vash just got really freaking lucky with exactly who's sniffing him out.
The comedy of this panel is great. Granny's all like, "Oh, no.... You're gonna end up beaten up in a ditch somewhere...." Meanwhile, her granddaughter has already begun just wailing on Vash. Without even dropping the groceries.
Ugh, just... having someone take care of him for a bit. It's a small and much-needed kindness. But that's how it often is with small kindnesses.
Wolfwood: "That brat (affectionate)"
LOL, Vash gets head-pats. GOOD.
Wait, Evil Hamster Man is back??
What the heck is even happening in this panel? Is this a second guy? Is this a growth on Evil Hamster Man's back? I don't know. We already had a guy with a LITERAL GUN for legs, so either wouldn't exactly surprise me. Wolfwood's face sums up my feelings perfectly.
Ohhh, Vash isn't having any of this guy's shit.
WTF, he just KICKED the round out of the sky?!
Vash isn't really prone to showing off just to show off. I'm guessing he's doing this to make Lina and Granny feel a bit better about how competent he is.
Even Wolfwood, who's seen Vash's weird before, seems a bit shocked.
Also, LOL, Wolfwood frog face.
Literally still can't tell if the second gunman is an actual dude or just some weird Evil Hamster Man growth.
Oh, there we go. He seems to be a separate entity, after all.
LOL, Wolfwood, calling them like he sees them. (Thank you, @trigun-manga-overhaul, for keeping the swearing. It makes it that much more funny.)
And now Evil Hamster Man is given a choice: a chance at redemption, or having to deal with an angry Stampede. Let's hope he chooses wisely.
Well, Granny's feeling better about the situation. Lina seems more... resigned.
There's something so lovely about the hair-trimming scene. It's one last bit of domestic comfort with his little found family before he heads off to war.
I genuinely believe Wolfwood here. He has a good heart, even when he tries to hide it.
*sigh* And as Lina cuts away at his hair, we just drown in their shared memories. The vast majority of it is simple things. Family things. Quiet moments. But they meant the world to Lina. And they probably meant the world to Vash, too.
I have thoughts about Lina burying herself in the cloth from Vash's haircut.
This chapter ends beautifully and makes me want to cry.
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Hornberry pick up!
Okay so this one never got much past brainstorming but here was the stream of consciousness I dumped into my discord server when I was thinking about it:
Gets his captaincy for the act of grace, but clearly had a crush on Stede And he's out there doing captainy things and finds a dingy full of people And stede and his crew are like FUUUUCK But then hornberry leans over like "Stede? Stede Bonnet?!" in a parallel to Nigel in episode 1 but instead he helps them all on board and Stede explains everything that happens and Hornberry is just like "LETS GO GET YOU YOUR MAN!" lmao Also interesting reunion drama because it would be an english ship chasing the Revenge And then Ed would realise that Stede is on an english ship and maybe he never left the academy! But then there would be explanations and comedy and Hornberry being like "No old chap you've got it all wrong" at Ed It would be SO FUNNY Especially if Hornberry is basically like "Ed he's fucking gorgeous LOOK AT HIM" and Stede looks at Hornberry like "Wat" omg and then Hornberry could be like "Oh, Blackbeard? Oh yes, we caught him and killed him. All gone, no need to pursue him anymore wink wink" when he leaves Maybe Ed gives him his leather jacket or something as proof that Blackbeard is 'dead' I think they'd offer to let him come with them but he'd probably decline cos he seems happy in the navy and also he has a big ol crush on stede and wouldn't want to have to see him and ed, but he would tell them they're always welcome on his ship 🥺 Omg, ed pouting as Stede is surrounded by guys CLEARLY flirting but Stede is being a proper gentleman through and through Stede doesn't even realise they're all into him "Gosh these navy chaps are very nice, aren't they ed? I don't know why we were worried!" Ed gripping the edge of the table so hard his knuckles are white "yep" -_- After dinner ed stands up, grabs Stede's hand, stares pointedly at all the navy round the table, and drags Stede back to the cabin and shags him extremely loudly
Anyway, I struggled to fit it all together, so it eventually became this kinktober 2022 fic except I just made it an anonymous captain instead of Hornberry (but in my head it's still Hornberry)
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WIP - teach me how 2 kill a bad guy
Hey! This is my most recent WIP, I thought I'd share a piece of what I have so far : ) I plan on completing it and posting it to my ao3 when it's done.
I've tried a different kind of narration where it's more of an Eddie stream of consciousness than a third person telling a story, but I also haven't edited any of this yet so I'm not sure how much that comes through.
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Stranger Things - Steddie - Rated: E (for sexual content, though this post actually doesn't have any in it)
Themes: D&D, roleplaying, LARPing, getting together
Summary: Steve gets Eddie to show him how to play D&D and takes Eddie's introductory campaign in a direction he's never gone before.
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He goes and wrings his hands where he stands at the kitchen table, a big one now that they live somewhere with more space, his big D&D Manual and a few other books and a lot of paper neatly aligned across it in a way he never does.
He hates the waiting. Steve's not even late yet, he's just unable to go and do something else and focus on it while he knows he'll be showing up soon. So all he has is his mind, the one that's dutifully catching him up on all of the crazy shit his life has done lately, giving him the worst time to start actually freaking out that Steve's coming over and Eddie's sharing one of the biggest loves of his life with him.
If Steve's a dick about anything he knows he can just make him leave, but he knows it'd still hurt a lot. He can take the rejections he creates himself, the logical conclusion to acting and dressing in certain ways, but this is something Steve asked him to offer up on a platter, like offering up his neck to a vampire, and he said yes to Steve's vampire bit- he said yes to uh, Steve and D&D, not any sexy neck stuff-
Reign in your fucking metaphors, Christ.
This is more like a cat rolling over to show it's belly to someone it trusts, hoping that they don't get attacked for it, anyway. It suits better because Eddie knows exactly what it's like to have his guts gnawed on, but the bats never really seduced him into being a human juice box. Go figure.
And in the back of his mind, he knows he'd like it if Steve bit his ne-
The doorbell rings and he jumps, feeling more like a Halloween cat now, fur all pulled up and ready to hiss in his surprise. Maybe if he keeps the cat metaphors coming he can get through today without thinking about Steve's nice hair or whatever his greatest feature is supposed to be.
He tries to do that breathing thing Robin taught him that apparently works for her, but he just wheezes every time. It's probably not for smokers, or he's doing it wrong or something.
Get the fucking door, Eddie. You can do it.
So he practically rips the door off of it's hinges, except he's still got weirdness in his body from beating death and months of big injuries, so it bumps against the wall pathetically. He shakes out his hands and opens the screen door carefully, forcing a smile onto his face so he can greet the guy making his stomach regret it's existence.
"Welcome, welcome," he says, stepping out of the way and gesturing for Steve to come in. "Shoes off at the door, otherwise make yourself at home."
Steve shoots him an amused look and kicks his shoes off, using a foot to knock them together neatly.
Eddie closes the doors in a really normal way, which is a fucking relief.
"Hey," he says, always sounding so cool despite the fact that he stopped being cool like at least two years ago.
Eddie nods back at him, counting two seconds to take in how he looks before he forces himself to head back into the kitchen.
"I figured it'd be easier to set up at the table, even if the chairs were made by Satan himself," he says, looking up once he's standing by the seat he already chose.
Steve's fucking backlit by a window again, the sunset shining in on him beautifully like a blessing from an angel of hairspray or something. Bastard.
He laughs, another beautiful thing that beams out and washes over Eddie. He doesn't even need to roll over, he's already done for.
Ever since the anniversary party, it had been too hard to keep placing denial up around himself like a brick cabin, especially when Steve came around and turned it all into wet cardboard anyway, and so he's really just taking him in unfiltered, a horrible decision he didn't really get to make.
"It's not Satan's fault he only knows how to make chairs that torture people," Steve says, choosing to sit right next to Eddie. It's fine. Now he won't have to try to gaze into his beautiful eyes a totally normal amount. "I think it was nice of him to give you a housewarming gift."
Eddie chokes on a hysterical giggle, super happy to sit down and cough instead of let that come out of his mouth, shifting around to try to get comfortable on the hard wooden chair.
"You're right," he says, distributing some paper and a pencil and some dice to Steve. "I'm being ungrateful."
Steve's smile is even gorgeous when he's got his mouth closed, nice lips curving up in a complement to the rest of his nice face.
Eddie's like two seconds away from taking the largest book on this table and trying to knock himself out with it. Fucking focus!
"So, I'm sure you've picked up on some of this stuff by now," he says, pulling the manual closer and flipping it open to the first useful page. "But we're going to pretend you've only just heard of the game a minute ago and begged me to teach you. That way it'll all be linear and understandable, instead of whatever convoluted super-genuis way of describing it you've heard from the gremlins."
Steve looks at the book warily, panic briefly flashing over his face before he seems to collect himself. He's about to say something friendly and reassuring when he opens his outrageous mouth again and shoots Eddie in the dick.
"I don't remember having to beg for it," he says, smirking.
Horrible.
Maybe Steve's getting cold feet and now wants to distract him with one of the only things that possibly could draw his attention away. But Steve's not supposed to know that, so he drums his fingers on the book and desperately ignores the heat in his face.
"What can I say? I'm a generous guy," he replies, watching the edge of Steve's mouth twitch before he forces his eyes back down to the manual.
"So for learning purposes we're going to use characters I've already got, but if you like this then I'll teach you how to make one yourself. It's one of the best parts of the game, I think."
Eddie feels it when Steve stops looking at him, making him relax a little bit in relief. His stare isn't a burden but it's heavy, and makes him feel like Steve's reading his mind. Before, he would've thought that's impossible and it would've been reassuring even if the weighty stare of a hot guy was still enough to get him flustered, and Now, he knows that anything is possible if the government tortures enough people about it.
He hands Steve a character sheet and doesn't think about the ones in his room, hidden away from him because they're all a bit incriminating, both about gay shit and about Steve in particular.
"So you've played this one before?" Steve asks, looking down at it.
"Hmm?" Eddie looks up from where he was looking over the character he'd be playing, shaking his head. "No, I made that for today, just as an example."
Steve nods slowly, eyebrows furrowing as he looks over the numbers. Eddie has a bunch of photocopies of a template for this, but he's written all of the names for the abbreviated stats underneath them. Normally he wouldn't, and normally he certainly wouldn't have written other little notes on the page to give more context for what everything is for, but…
He really wants Steve to get it, and for him to like it, and maybe like Eddie. Sue him.
"Thanks for doing all of this," Steve says, putting the sheet down so he can do something cruel, like give Eddie his full attention again. "I do really appreciate it, and I know I'm going to probably be the worst you've ever seen at it."
"Nah, that's a high bar, honestly," Eddie lies, winking at him. "As long as you're patient, I'll be patient."
He's not about to fucking discourage him from this.
Steve's smile is like the sunbeams all over again, and in an act of self preservation, he gets to work, starting to explain things for real.
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Let me know if you enjoyed it!
#stranger things#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things fanfiction#steddie fanfic#the WIP abyss
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Reading: Guile & Guilt by @the-californicationist
oh hey there is that you GUILE&GUILT aka one of my favorite comfort fics that literally powered my two end-of-year [redacted] projects and also that [redacted] presentation and helped successfully launch the [redacted] campaign at work in December? the world willl not know BUT I DO and me and my marketing team at [redacted] salute you for your service, cali & ao3!! I think I’ve literally read this fic about 30+ times lmao
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, welcome to my stream-of-consciousness thoughts + a few (fuck jk who am i kidding a fuckton) of my favorite bits
- this has so so so many of my favorite tropes - forbidden romance, pretend dating, gonna give in just once (sike), guys who love going down on you, secret dating, YEARNING SO MUCH YEARNING, SHARING A BED, SHAKESPEAREAN SONNETS, Taking Care of Drunk!reader, impromptu fashion show?!fuckyes, misinterpretation+running away+Big Fucking Declaration of Love, talking about you in another language you don’t know, finishing each other’s sonnets!!!, scary older sister who can threaten her special forces brother, text thread chapters!!!, did I mention guys who love going dow-
- GAELIC NICKNAMES + THIEF THIEF THIEF THIEF (my dumb american ass spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to look up pronunciations on youtube and sound them out)
- soap’s sis aka reader’s bff warning her off from him? only for him fully suited up to find her wearing his shirt? is there a hotter fuckin meet-cute
- this was like the perfect mix of worldbuilding for me - fleshed out enough for me to step into and get lost in the best way, starting with the people surrounding both the reader and Soap - the reader was extremely relatable on an emotional level that I came to like her all on her own too and I was rooting for her in my head and the journey you are taken on in seeing Soap through her eyes - but ALSO the way she grows and blossoms tbh in the way she is seen by Soap AND by Pidge & co. is like just UNNNFFFFH storytelling climactic cathartic perfection for me - what is love if not to see, and be seen? anyway I’ll save waxing lyrical for reader & johnny ❤️
- there’s almost a part of me curious to see this whole story from Pidge’s POV - esp. when johnny says she kept reader away from him cos she knew he would like her - as someone who absolutely despises disappointing the people I love and have done metaphorical triple lutz backflips to avoid doing so I also deeply enjoyed the tension of reader going to pieces trying to reconcile Ye Ole How To Tell BFF I’m Fucked For (& Fucking) Her Brother AND found the ending confessions scenes so so so cathartic
- also really loved the ways reader & soap bonded over how well they each knew and loved pidge <3 the scene where johnny cries seeing reader present that shawl to her and the small and big ways reader is present in all the right ways for Pidgey totally made me tear up too - seeing someone you love love on your loved ones is such a special thing to see and I really hope it’s something everyone experiences ❤️
- the way soap’s gaze is described as basically drinking in the reader was probably one of the hottest things I’ve read - I basically re-lived how it felt to be looking at a crush and realize YOU ARE BEING LOOKED AT AS WELL - cali’s writing is basically like that scene where remy in ratatouille is shown experiencing food and flavors in 4D explosions in written form
- the little perv in me enjoyed the slightly dub-con of sleepy soap fingering reader on a cosmic and indescribable level, i knew that little shit wasn’t sleepfingering or whatever the equivalent of horny sleepwalking is and alternately this scene from soap’s pov would probably cause involuntary combustion, i dont make the rules here ok
-I went to my local sephora during lunch/coffee breaks trying to find the perfume/cologne equivalent of soap’s scent described here, that is how IRL feral this fic made me at one point…and also how i realized i do not like the scent of cloves lol
- hehehehehehe Stiff Peaks bakery
- the reader’s initial disbelief and difficulty in accepting johnny’s attraction to her - even though she notes all the little subtle tells - and her insecurity with the bekah/anjali/cherise crew is so so relatable and made me just want to alternately give her a huge hug but also at the same time do a grab her by the shoulders and give an intense pep talk complete with whiteboard erasable markered bullet points of ‘Yes You For Soap’ PLEASE See Section I, II, III, and articles A, B, C, and sub-articles 1, 2, 3, etc. etc.
- “You regretted your decision to drag him out of the house again. You should’ve kept him all to yourself, covetous and selfish like a hoarder, locking him in like a shorn Repunzel, playing like Circe with her pigs. But, you didn’t want to be Circe. You wanted to be Penelope. Permanent, as impossible though it may have been.
Was he Odysseus? Or Narcissus?” is one of my favorite lines in this story. books on greek mythology were the first I ever picked up as a kid in my local library growing up and reading the odyssey in high school made these references just *CHEFS KISS*
- ProjectRunawayJudgeAU!Johnny makes an appearance and I’ll just leave this quote here: ““Creepin’ Jesus! You look like if 1982 was a person, lass. Back in the room with you, mhèirleach! Christ Almighty.”
- reader & soap’s “promise” text exchanges - even when they weren’t talking - are dipped in resin for preservation and carefully wrapped and locked away in a china cabinet in a warm and cozy and safe corner of my hearthouse, to be taken out and ruminated over on tough days for me
- I could literally hear in my head 141 mocking soap when they were singsonging the sonnet they all ended up memorizing and laughed my ass off for a good 5 min when i first read this
- another favorite verse simply because of the AUDACITY of cali to juxtapose sex+sacredness+implying soap is basically worshipping reader with his dick - “melting into you with a slick slide, trusting you implicitly, believing you like a disciple. “
- i may be a leetle bit pervy but also a big fuckin softie and I also teared a bit at johnny’s tenderness at caring for reader/141 being so happy for johnny post-apartment romp, and also at price both being there/giving space to reader when she and johnny weren’t talking ❤️
- also sidenote ahem the pricethirst that gripped my throat out of nowhere at these two sentences AND him fishing out the dogtags-
“Price held the coin up to you like the sacrament, discovering your shame, bringing your sin out into the open. In that moment, you wanted to bend down on both knees and take it into your mouth, and you wanted him to make you whole again with it. “
- I had the most delicious privilege of seeing the fics go live each chapter at a time towards the end and I gasped and screamed out loud like when I used to watch LOST episodes air live lol - those Pidge vs. Johnny arguments about his service esp. when he CALLED HER BRIGETTE had me getting up to take a walk around the house before I could continue reading lol THE DRAMA!!!! yesyesyes I felt like I was the audience in a Jerry Springer episode here
- “Ghost spoke at full volume, not caring who heard him,” this line took me out for a full minute, big “THAT’LL DO” vibes iykyk and of course him being the one to point out the mic still being on was just *CHEFS KISS* PERFECTION
- literally my entire body went up in goosebumps the first time i finished reading the scene of the mic still being on and I just kept saying OH GOD PIDGE SHE KNOWS PIDGE! FUCK! PIDGE FUCK OH NO OH GOD for a good 10 minutes
- tbh i would read a Big Slut Choir Boy Johnny fic
- fun fact, I learned what a sporran is thanks to this fic! truly, thank you fanfiction for statistically increasing my vocabulary 4000%
- now i love me the many many flavors of all the different alternate versions of soap across fanfic (pouring one out for all my fanfic writers rn) but G&G’s soap has a special place in my heart in how cali both captured his character in the games story/campaign modes and took his best and most memorable traits and built on them in the best way possible on his journey in falling for the reader and esp. in him talking about his dreams and future plans with her, esp. in light of his fate in MWIII… if you’ve ever loved someone and not had it work out and had to let them go and not only grieve their loss but the dreams and hopes and futures and the potential of everything they/we could have been, and wondered… what if? I found something very tender and healing for me in a personal way in this Johnny Lives, Loves, and Is Loved story ❤️
i made literally a throwaway paragraph comment on how this was one of my comfort fics and cali wrote one of the most beautiful nonfiction pieces of writing I’ve read in fandom (and tbh outside of fandom?!) on basically like, the heart and soul of fanfic and I encourage everyone to give it a read here (https://www.tumblr.com/the-californicationist/738127290521829376/madstronaut-this-is-one-of-the-nicest-things) and let it fill you with a warm glow like it does for me everytime I recall it ❤️
The Challenge: Comment on every fanfic you read and enjoy in the month of January.
Every chapter. Every one shot. Every drabble. Every ficlet. Whether it’s on a personal website, a blog, or an archive. Whether you’ve read it a hundred times before or you’re reading it for the first time. Whether the fic was posted years ago or minutes ago. Whether you sign your name or leave your thoughts anonymously. Whether your comment is paragraphs in length or a few short words. Comment on every fanfic you read and enjoy in the month of January.
The Philosophy: Comments are what keep a fandom thriving and growing.
We don’t see comments as a transaction. They’re not a price paid for reading a fic. We see comments as an interaction, a way of building relationships. Comments are a courtesy, not a currency. [x]
Fandom is a relationship between dozens,hundreds, thousands, maybe millions of fans, and the only way for the greater fandom relationship to function, is for those fans to interact. One way to interact is by writing and reading fanfic. A writer prompts an interaction by posting their work; it is up to the reader to then acknowledge (or not acknowledge).
As one of our favorite blogs, @ao3commentoftheday, said: [x]
“Comment if you can, but don’t be bullied or pressured into it. A comment should be written in the same spirit as the fic itself: wanting to reach out to other people who love the same fandom as you do. It’s not easy to do that, I know, and I don’t hold it against you at all if you can’t.”
The Only Rule: Be kind.
Be kind to your fandoms’ writers.
Please note that this challenge is to “comment on every fanfic you read and enjoy in the month of January.” As our fandom forebears were fond of saying, “Don’t like, don’t read.” For FaFiCoWriMo, we have taken that one step further by saying, “Don’t like, don’t comment.”
No matter how well-intentioned, critique is useless unless it comes from a place of trust. Unless you know an author personally and they have specifically asked for your critique, please keep it to yourself.
It costs zero of your currency and zero of your time to not be a jerk.
Be kind to yourself.
If you do find yourself unable to comment on every fic (for whatever reason), remember this: we forgive you, zero judgement. [x]
#madstrothought#FaFiCoWriMo#comfort fics#fanfiction#call of duty#johnny mactavish#guile & guilt#the-californicationist#johnny mactavish x reader#soap mactavish x reader
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ASK BOX IS ALWAYS OPEN || ANONS WELCOME
Anon sent: I mean, I haven't thought that far ahead, but.... do you want to get married? I think you guys could be good together! And you'd definitely make for a beautiful bride.
Immediately he gets caught up in the moment, stuck on the very thought of such a thing, it prompts him to spend a moment thinking on it and absent-mindedly smiling to himself and the scenario being built. -- ❝Whose to say I wouldn't be the one making Logan MY wife, huh?❞ Is his first very stupid question, the next comes immediately after. ❝Whose to say we can't both be the beautiful brides? Matching garters and all.❞ Goddammit, there's only so long he can hold back the stream of consciousness, once it's kicked in it's like his mouth moves faster than his brain can keep up with. -- ❝It's a long way out, we'd need to be-.. open..❞ [Shit.] -- ❝Y'know, hypothetically. Can't take the fanfic from smooching to marriage, not very satisfying for the reader. No tension, no real romance.❞ [Nice save, Wade.]
#[Nonny you sly mfer - you managed to get him speaking]#Never Grow Old To Me || PoolVerine || FickleFables#ficklefables#marvel rp#deadpool rp#marvel cw#deadpool cw#Breaking The Fourth Wall || Deadpool Ask
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heehee brain rot
hello mtv welcome to my crib
fr tho, this is just my stream of consciousness thing because in order to actually work out my brain juice i gotta put it somewhere, and writing in an actual journal is annoying so TYPING WOOO
plus shit just reads better to me if i type it idk why
anyway here's the brain thought of the day, slightly more depressing than the first part of the post but
I think i legit have a fear of men hitting on me or smth
like im chronically aware of how i present to men and im terrified that anything that i do will present as me flirting with them
like i leaned over and put my hands on my coworkers desk today and i was immediately self-conscious like 'omg i hope he doesnt think im sticking my boobs in his face because i have Boobs yk and no matter what i do theyre just There unless i wear like a turtleneck or smth'
but like idk if thats narcissism or trauma
like ik the whole 'if youre asking if its narcissism its not narcissism' thing but also like i feel like im full of myself for thinking that men will just flirt with me at the first sign of whatever but yk
anyway the Trauma theory like it might just come from middle school? like these dudes in middle school essentially made a joke out of liking me and no matter what i would do would make a big show out of fake proposing to me in class in front of everyone or picking me up without permission because they think its funny yk
like i reacted cause i was fuckin 12-13 and boys and cooties and i wanted them to stop, not realizing that reactions fueled the whole thing
but like that whole thing made me not only afraid of speaking or interacting with men in general (which ive worked out mostly since getting out of an all-girls catholic school) but also just made me straight up afraid of men flirting with me, like panicking any time one tries smth type of thing
which yk ive had bfs and stuff since then its not like a chronic thing necessarily but its still There (ironic cause im sapphic now but haha)
it might also be from my second cousin asking to go out with me after meeting Once and him showing me furry porn and thinking that bonded us ig
or the countless 'nice guys' ive talked to/interacted with
yk, the usual.
BUT that was my big brain thought for the day its now time to go to therapy and get high :)
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My Health Journey - A Writing Experiment - Day 3
Welcome back gang. Today's post is gonna be a bit shorter and probably more stream of consciousness as it's later, I spent 3-7 AM in the emergency room, and I'm high. I'll most likely save the specifics and stuff for later entries in this "journal", or whatever I'm calling it, though some may slip in during the natural projection of what I'm about to ramble on about. Thanks for showing up again, should you have read the previous two entries, and thanks for showing up for the first time if you've not been to this toilet blog before. See what's up under the cut.
So last time, I detailed some of my holdover issues from college and into the specific diet that I chose to use during my time attempting to lose weight. As a reminder, it's the one that works for me - Caloric deficit. I simply eat fewer calories than I expend during a day and then I lose weight. What I've found through this eating style is that I very much like planning out the menus of food that I eat during the week and that I very much like tracking numbers and seeing data points related to things that I'm doing. In particular, watching my weight graph over the course of the year has been particularly gratifying. Planning my meals out also allowed me to get into a routine, something that I could repeat each day. Data, planning, and routine. These are three things that no one who knew me in my college and early professional life would ever associate with me as a person. I was a guy who wouldn't even make a list to go to the store. I would simply walk into Giant Eagle and improvise until my cart was full of some necessities for the week but also just a ton of junk and snacks and other nonsense that I didn't need. As a middle child and only son who wasn't as put-together (in my own personal views on myself) as his type-A, organized, and successful sisters, I kind of just fell into the role of the "slacker who makes it through on pure bullshit and vibes" and assumed that's where I'd be for my life. Turns out, most surprisingly to me, that I love being organized, I love having a schedule, and I love having routines. Learning how to bring this kind of structure into my life allowed me to balance my days so that I wasn't tempted to binge eat food and I was able to provide a much more concrete answer to the question that always stuck at the back of my mind but I never chose to answer seriously in the moment - Am I hungry or am I bored?
If I were to write a book about this, that'd probably be what it'd be called. Now that I'm thinking about it, that should most likely have been the title of this project. I may retroactively go back and change it. We'll see.
My daily schedule and routine eventually boiled down to a few things after I had tried out some different combinations. The target time is when I do the task and any other time is up for grabs and mostly revolved around when I would eat during the day so that I could have concrete points where I'd be eating.
6 AM (or thereabouts) - Wake up
7 AM - Workout
8 AM - Breakfast and medications
10 AM - Morning snack, should I be hungry for one (usually a piece of fruit or something)
12 PM - Lunch
3 PM - Afternoon snack (usually something salty or veggie)
6 PM - Dinner
7 PM - Evening tea and dessert
10 PM - Get ready for bed
With my days structured in this specific way, I could mete out times when I would eat and times were I would do other things, such as focusing more on my work or my hobbies, and daily tasks that would distract me from (over)eating. I have two snacking styles - grazing and bulk. When I graze, I walk through the kitchen and have a spoonful or handful of something that is within reach. When I bulk, I get a large portion (abnormally large like a full cereal bowl of goldfish) of something and just pound it. The latter has been mitigated a lot as of late by me making my own healthy snacks and measuring out portions ahead of time. Grazing is something that I still struggle with daily, It's just so easy to grab a spoonful of the burrito bowls I made for dinner last night and then I end up doing that like eight times. Might as well have just had a bowl of it at a certain point. I feel guilty and bad when I do this even though I know that, in the grand scheme, it doesn't really matter all that much but I still wish that I was able to have more self control. Though I suppose there's always something to work on, right?
Making my own snacks has been, I believe, the most significant thing I've done to help with the "snacking issue". I discovered that all I really wanted was the crunch - the satisfying crunch of a crunchy snack. So I started with making my own popcorn. It was delicious. I then moved onto veggie-based snacks. I would slice up peppers or cucumber and have a sauce like Cholula or Buffalo Sauce on them. They were delicious. Then I started getting sugar snap peas. They were delicious. They were lower calorie, I could eat them in larger quantities, and they were crunchy. It was the ultimate combo that I had been craving. I was now eating more fruit and veggies and eating three square healthy meals a day. The routines and the efforts were beginning to pay off considerably.
That's where I'm gonna cut it now because I want to go sit on the couch with my wife and V I B E so that's what I'm gonna do. Next time, I'm going to get into the numbers. For real. Specifically the numbers regarding my caloric intake/output per day, potentially some of the workouts that I chose to do build into my routine, and my brush with danger regarding the process that almost put a brick through the whole venture. Thanks for sticking through this if you have. You are appreciated and I hope you return.
63 days to go.
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