#hi calis <3< /div>
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zorkaya-moved · 2 years ago
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❝ what am i to you truly ? a puppet to be used to get what you want? ❞
@al-hazen
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No one was allowed to ever sully her feelings for the one who had her heart, her soul, and her humanity. Not even the one whom she loved more than she loved the world. Al-Haytham did not know how vital [love] was for Zarina Sokolova; he did not understand the intense depth it dug itself into her whole being and how intensely she loved him. No one in centuries and thousands of years will ever come close to her feelings of love for him, the only pure aspect of her she’ll never abandon or allow anyone to doubt. Not even Haytham himself. The Scribe was smart, intelligent, and beyond everyone else, but even he was not allowed to ever insult her feelings towards him. And right now? It was an insult. An insult to how she truly loved him, how she adored him, and how she truly wanted him to live, to have a future, to be protected from the Abyssal curse. 
In a blink of an eye, she’s by the jars, the shackles clink as her left hand grabs the bars and her face closer to him than he’d ever allow a convict to get closer. However, it must be the first time he sees this flicker of anger in her gaze. It’s cold yet heated, she will not allow him to call her love for him something like this. It does not matter, it doesn’t matter what he’d think of her and what he’d tell her, but he will not dare to speak of her love for him in this manner. She will not allow it, even if it means letting him discover how much more he means to her than she’d ever allowed him to see. 
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“Do not dare to turn my feelings for you into manipulation and simple theater play,” her voice had never been this cold and this sharp; she did not look away from him, and if a gaze could harm - he’d be. Her fangs are seen better as she speaks so close to him; the serpentine gaze gleams with danger and the ability to consume, to kill, to destroy. Her voice had never sounded so cold and rough before him. All because he never deserved this anger and agitation; she would’ve never allowed herself to bite him verbally like this. However, he must not overstep his line in writing her feelings off. “If you were a puppet, I would’ve never called you my family. I would’ve never cared for you so much. I would’ve never given you everything I’ve learned about the Abyss.”
Oh, but did he notice that the shackle that kept her hand to the wall was broken? The chain dangled on her wrist as she held onto the bar of the jail cell. She would not hesitate to prove how much he meant to her if he wished to see it. This gaze, this voice, this warmth, this intelligence, this safety. He was her home. He was her heart. He was her humanity. He was her reason to contribute everything she learned to Sumeru instead of selling it elsewhere. He was the reason she gave everything she learned to the [good guys] instead of profiting off it. He meant more than anyone would ever understand, and Lesser Lord Kusanali knew it just as much from their interactions. 
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“It doesn’t matter if it’s someone else, and it doesn’t matter if it’s you, but I will not allow my love for you to be meshed with trickery and deception. It’s the only emotion I’ll never allow anyone to sully, even if it’s you,” there is a crack in the bar where she holds it as she tells him. It’s obvious, she meant every single word. There was no hurt in her eyes when he spoke about it, but she was not happy. It was the only time he’ll see her lose her cool. “If you were not important, I wouldn’t have loved you, protected you, and adored you. If you were just a puppet, I would not have called you my home…” 
Zarina sighs, letting go of the bar and stepping back. In a second, her anger disappears and disappointment takes over as she looks at her gloved hand. Beneath her glove and beneath the sleeves of her outfit, she knows the corruption of the Abyss made its way to show itself off, but as she calmed down, it would disappear. 
The Dendro Archon did ask her, worriedly: What will happen when you no longer have what keeps you in control?
That is a good question and an answer he’ll never learn. Just how capable is she of holding the Abyss inside her? As long as her love blooms, she will never let the flame of the Abyss take over her mind. She will not put him in such danger, never. No matter what, even if she has to seal all of the Abyss in herself and become the embodiment of that dark environment, she will not falter. The Abyssal Serpent is afraid of her, and she’ll make the gods of the darkest abyss fear her just as much. 
She has no other choice. No one else will ever do this step. No one else will have the courage and the insanity to do this. No one else will be able to have the same level of control as she did, the dominance everlasting.  
“Everything I treasure, I leave with you,” she would confess, giving him one last look before turning around and returning to where her ‘bed’ and ‘chair’ were. Her book remained closed, but a bookmark could be seen there. “It doesn’t matter if you believe me or not. There is only one truth when it comes to what I feel about you, the only … purity I’ve ever experienced. And the only one that’ll never be sullied. Not by Sages, not by scholars, not by you.”
Her heart’s home. Her most beloved. The one and only she’d give a ring to, a forgotten gift resting in the drawers next to her bed with a pretty emerald stone to reflect his gaze and an engraving within it that speaks of her eternal devotion. A ring she’ll never be able to give to him. Hah, who knows, maybe the Matra will find it after they’ll run through her house to find if there is anything else needed to understand what she learned without knowing that Al-Haytham already had all the answers… yet he had not opened the true trove of secrets and knowledge. What a shame. 
“Leave. I have nothing to speak to you about anymore. The answers to your questions are already given. If you wish to understand the [truth] then you have to open your eyes, Scribe.”
Perhaps, if the trial goes according to plan… He’ll never have to worry about speaking with her ever again. 
But would it be for the better or for the worse? 
She could not tell. 
After all, her love letter was her research diary, coded only for the Scribe to open and understand.
“Do not let your emotions take over the rightful punishment you’ll think I deserve after the trial, but… if it’s possible, execute me yourself. If such comes to it. I’ll accept it with a smile.”
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girls-are-weird · 11 months ago
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[ID: desktop background featuring wilhelm and simon from young royals standing close and laughing in the middle of a party, with the lyrics "This is where I belong: with the beat of your drum, not any other" in the middle. End ID]
all the stills were great, but this one breathed life into me, cured all my various ailments, saved the world from impending disaster, and redefined the meaning of love in nothing but the most gorgeous, wondrous, hopeful arrangement of pixels. and i can't stop staring at it.
so yeah, if you like this, please share it-- i spent literal hours of my life last night when i was supposed to be sleeping, trying to scrub the neon magenta cast off of wille's face. i feel like i deserve some love for that, haha. i am le tired. (worth it, though!)
ANYWAY, how about you? how we doin', folks? march 3rd! are we ready? (i am not, but also i would prefer to have the season NOW, plzkthx.)
the base image for this was HD, so if anyone needs a slightly larger resolution, let me know, and i'll see if i can whip it up. the lyrics are from the song "crystallized" by young the giant, which is an excellent song that you all should look up! it was the first song that popped into my mind when i saw this still, and also inspired some of the filters i used here.
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roseband · 7 months ago
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dojoon // coachella week 2
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inabsentiia · 29 days ago
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slowly crawls out of my depression corner to say: hello. I'm alive and love u all. I'm gently making myself come back here so like this and I'll send you a message to talk or plot <3
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compacflt · 1 year ago
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wip wednesday: picking at it slowly but surely
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aq2003 · 6 days ago
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chewing on my laptop keyboard as i workshop the 5 second conversation i will maybe have at the macbeth stage door
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lazybakerart · 9 months ago
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hello sorry you were (are?) in a funk but i bring good news! i am in the process of writing a little argilly smut that is basically just a bring between both jargyle and harringrove and is about billy relearning his body post starcourt and russian experimentation and a little bit about losing your virginity to your best friend bc theres absolutely no pressure :)
hopefully these upcoming weeks start looking up for ya 💖
thank you so much my dude T_____T!!
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sodrippy · 6 months ago
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ok i finished fallout. what silly little show should i watch next.
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OC Request Batch 4/10 - Casparian
Owned by: @the-candy-store-cat
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kuroosdarling · 2 years ago
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(୨୧ᵕ̤ᴗᵕ̤) : you’ve been matched with … USHIJIMA !
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@qichun
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pithyorangecurd · 2 years ago
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Cali boy swag #looks
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fingertipsmp3 · 6 months ago
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I really do think I need to work on the fact that whenever I don’t get enough sleep and/or am prematurely awoken by something I act like a fucking banshee
#it’s the real reason i can never have kids. sleep deprivation turns me into those screaming women in midsommar#my mom used to send the family dog to wake me up for school because she knew i’d never yell at him#literally animals are the only exception to this i have found. i have never been mad at kim OR mabel for waking me#(or cali when she slept on my bed sometimes and would prod me to make sure i was still alive#OR boris when he’d run on his wheel at 3am <3)#oh i do want to harm the seagulls when THEY wake me up. but i don’t do it obviously#i’m just ridiculously cranky and emotional when i’m tired. it’s like the floodgates open#i just cease to care what i say or do anymore it’s very bad#me and my friend were comparing our sleep times for last night according to fitbit and mine was 8hrs 5mins#hers was ONE HOUR AND SIXTEEN MINUTES i was like.. how did you even make it here#i would’ve gotten in a fistfight with a grown man on the way. or had to stay home and cry in my kitchen#i’m at a point i think the people in my life warn each other if i slept bad because i’m not going to be acting normal#i’m either manic or PISSED OFF or crying#it’s upsetting. i should work on it!#OR make sure i sleep great all the time and the problem never comes up. 🧐#personal#*just remembered a kinda funny example of me acting crazy when something woke me up#i’d just gotten to sleep and my flatmate got in and immediately started blasting mariah carey#(it was like 2am mind you)#i crashed out of my bedroom; down the stairs and started hammering on his door#he went ‘yeah?’ all casual and i yelled ‘I HAVE CLASS IN THE MORNING TURN THAT DOWN’ he said ‘oh shit sorry’#what was funny about this was that our other flatmate who lived in the basement apparently couldn’t hear the music#but he heard me hammering on the door and screeching#not sure how to feel about that
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liberty-spiked · 7 months ago
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mood sucked until i drowned myself in coffee. the world is now okay and i'm so excited for the next week.
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compacflt · 2 years ago
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idk if we’ve already discussed this on Here and i missed it but this is allegedly canonically mav’s drivers license
lives in San Fran, or at least did in 1981
5’ 9” (yeah right)
no DOB AND he didn’t sign it
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dyke-ified · 1 year ago
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ok one final thought. it would be silly if i made blinkies for my about for like Big Events i have been to (survived) like mcr toronto n vidcon
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ncytiri · 1 year ago
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bottoms is about to be one of the most For Me movies ever... like i get ayo, havana, marshawn, ruby, and dagmara in a movie together?????? i am winning so hard 🥳🥳🥳
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