#hi ani I’m so sorry this took me legit six months to write I hope you like it!!!

[sesamestreep]

50 jyn/cassian? 👀

50. the hands of fate (from this prompt list)

After such a crushing defeat, Cassian decides that what he and his teammates really need is another round, and since everyone else is still arguing over the finer points of the last question, he decides it’s up to him to make that happen. Luckily, the bar is not particularly crowded at that moment, so he’s able to get the attention of the bartender right away.

“What can I get for you?” she asks, leaning slightly across the bar to hear him better.

It takes him a minute to remember why he’s there, because he’s been doing trivia at this bar for the last few months and he’s never seen this bartender before, which is only notable because she’s exceptionally pretty. She’s got bright green eyes, and hair that manages to be messy in a way he suspects might actually be fashionable, and she’s wearing a black tank top that shows off some very cool-looking tattoos on her biceps. The usual Thursday night bartender barely even looks at him when she takes his order, let alone going so far as to actually speak to him in full sentences.

“Did you want to order something?” she asks, warily, and her expression shutters in the way of an experienced customer service professional who’s used to dealing with drunk people and skeevy men with alarming frequency.

Cassian shakes his head, as if to clear his mind so he doesn’t (rightfully) earn this bartender’s wrath by staring for another minute. “Yeah, sorry,” he says, adopting what he hopes is a genial expression. “We just got our asses handed to us at trivia, so my cognitive function hasn’t fully returned yet.”

The bartender offers him a half-smile at that and nods. “Take your time.”

“Uh, I think I’m just going to get another round for everyone,” Cassian says, and then rattles off his team’s drink orders. The bartender nods and, even though she doesn’t stop to write it down, he has a feeling she’s got it memorized.

She starts making a drink in front of him, and only looks up a moment later when she realizes he’s still there. “I can bring them over when I’m done,” she says, pointing her chin in the direction of his table while her hands are occupied pouring vodka into a cocktail shaker.

“Oh, right,” Cassian says, stupidly. “That would be great. I, uh, already mentioned my brain’s not working, right?”

She laughs a little, which feels sort of like a victory, and shakes her head. “Must have been a tough loss.”

“We came this close to winning for once!” he can’t help griping. “But no one on my team knew the names of the three Fates in Greek mythology.”

The bartender tosses the shaker from side to side in a practiced motion, and gives him a barely interested look. “You mean, the Moirai?” she asks.

Cassian barely stops himself from gaping at her. “I, uh, think they wanted the individual names, actually.”

“Oh, so like Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos, then?”

“Jesus, do you write the questions?”

She smiles and pulls a glass out from under the counter. “No,” she says, as she deftly pours the contents of the shaker into the glass. “I just went through a very intense Greek mythology phase when I was a kid.”

“Thank god. I was beginning to think I was just stupid!”

“The two ideas are not mutually exclusive,” she replies, breezily, as she tosses an olive into the drink. “I’ll bring your drinks right over, unless you want me to keep talking to you about mythology.”

There actually isn’t anything Cassian wants more at the moment, but he’s already lost so much dignity at trivia that he can’t afford to lose anymore getting shut down by this beautiful bartender, so he nods and thanks her before he heads back to his table. Bodhi has finally stopped reading Wikipedia on his phone (a time-honored post-loss tradition for them) and is sitting with his head resting on Taidu’s shoulder. Melshi, on the other side of the table, is slumped in his chair, staring into the dregs of his beer.

“Another round incoming,” he says, clapping Melshi on the shoulder.

“Thank god,” Melshi replies, sitting up.

“We are bad at trivia,” Bodhi proclaims, which is also a time-honored tradition.

“We did better this time,” Taidu counters.

“Yeah, but we still lost.”

“Progress over perfection.”

“Stop being reasonable,” Melshi groans. “The wound is still too fresh.”

“You know what’s great for treating wounds?” a voice over Cassian’s shoulder asks. “Alcohol!”

The beautiful bartender appears then, with their drinks on a small tray and starts depositing them on the table, where Taidu immediately helps divvy them up to their respective recipients.

“What are you doing here?” Bodhi asks her, which seems like an odd response. Cassian looks between the two of them, puzzled.

“I told you I was working tonight,” the bartender replies, resting the now-empty tray on her hip.

“No, you didn’t.”

“I sent you a text!”

“Oh,” Taidu says. “That was your first mistake. He never reads his texts.”

“Shut up,” Bodhi says, thumping him lightly on the shoulder. “I read texts! I even reply to them! I am a functional person!”

Taidu and the bartender scoff at the same time, and Cassian is definitely missing something.

“So, why are you working tonight?” Bodhi asks, before Cassian can figure out a way to ask what’s going on without seeming rude. “I mean, I read your text, for sure, but like…remind me?”

“Kennel no-call, no-showed and Baze asked me to fill in.”

“What?! Tell me everything!”

“I just did. She didn’t call out or give notice so I have no idea what happened.”

“Okay, that’s more boring than I expected,” Bodhi says, sounding disappointed. “I always thought she’d get fired for coming after you with a knife or something.”

“You and me both, buddy,” the bartender says.

“Kennel is the usual Thursday night bartender?” Taidu asks, speaking for all of them.

“Yeah,” Bodhi says. “She’s fucking nuts.”

“Good riddance,” she agrees. Then, she turns her attention to Cassian, pointing at him with her elbow. “I put the drinks on your tab, by the way.”

Cassian blinks at her in surprise. “Oh, right. Yeah. Good. Did I—sorry, I don’t think I gave you my name, so…”

“No, but I know Bodhi, which means I also know Taidu, naturally, and I’ve met Melshi before, so I guessed you were probably Bodhi’s other co-worker, Cassian, who he does trivia with but whom I’ve never met and there was a card with that name behind the bar, so…”

“Okay, seriously, are you some kind of savant or something? Between this and knowing all of the trivia answers…”

She smiles. “I have the distinct advantage of being more sober than almost everyone in the room, which gives the impression of genius where there is none.”

“Bodhi, you didn’t tell Cassian your roommate worked here, did you?” Taidu asks suddenly, sounding amused.

Bodhi smacks himself on the forehead. “She doesn’t normally work Thursdays,” he admits, miserably, before looking up. “Cassian, this is my roommate, Jyn. She works here.”

“Jyn. Right,” Cassian says, feeling some puzzle pieces slot into place. “I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s nice to finally meet.”

“Same,” she says, extending a hand for him to shake and giving him a mysterious smile. “Though Bodhi did say you were the ringer on the trivia team, and you didn’t even know the names of the Moirai.”

“Cassian is the ringer,” Melshi says, “which just goes to show how terrible the rest of us are.”

“I think Kay was technically our ringer,” Cassian replies.

“Until he got perma-banned,” Bodhi adds, dejectedly.

“Kay?” Jyn asks. 

“My roommate,” Cassian specifies. “It was for the best, he argued with the host too much.”

“Oh, that guy,” she says, nodding. “Baze and Chirrut have his picture hung up in the office. We throw darts at it, uh, lovingly.”

Cassian waves away the sheepish look she gives him. “I live with him. I understand the impulse. Anyway, that’s how Taidu ended up joining us.”

“Lucky them,” he says, raising his glass in a mock toast. “I know nothing, it turns out.”

“I mean, if they ever need someone to answer a question about the intricacies of Formula 1, you’re their man,” Jyn says.

“Taidu watches a lot of F1 at our apartment,” Bodhi explains. “He’s trying to get Jyn into it.”

“It’s not nearly violent enough for my tastes,” she says, mildly. “Anything else before I go back to the bar? Need me to name all the Argonauts, perhaps?”

“Oh, you’re going to be insufferable about this, aren’t you?” Bodhi asks, covering his face with his hands.

“It’s going to be like the eagle, pecking out Prometheus’s liver every day, only it’ll be me taunting you with Greek mythology facts.”

“Mythological facts, huh?” Melshi asks.

“I’m sorry,” Jyn says, leaning in close. “I have trouble hearing people who’ve never won bar trivia in their lives.”

“You’re right,” he replies, holding his hands up in defeat. “You got us there.”

“Next week,” Cassian says emphatically, “is going to be our week. I’m calling it.”

The pitying look Jyn gives him before she leaves their table does nothing to bolster his confidence—nor does it quell the spark of attraction he felt when he first saw her. He was really hoping the revelation that she’s Bodhi’s roommate might help with that, but no such luck. If anything, he likes her more now; Bodhi has always talked about Jyn in glowing terms and Cassian can see now that she lives up to her reputation. 

He realizes only a little belatedly that he’s been watching her walk away, which feels like a bridge too far, and catches Melshi giving him an unimpressed look. He schools his expression into something overly innocent and Melshi snorts before returning his attention to his beer.

They hang around, replaying their demoralizing defeat for the tenth time and vowing (as always) to do better next time, until their drinks are finished and then everyone gets ready to leave. Melshi heads off for the train with a sardonic salute and Taidu and Bodhi head off in search of a cab, while Cassian lives close enough that he’s just going to walk home. He is already halfway out the door when he realizes he left his credit card at the bar.

He does a heel turn and heads back in, waiting at the least crowded corner of the bar until he can get someone’s attention. He’s seen a few people milling around behind the bar all night, but as far as he can tell Jyn is the only bartender on and she’s the only one there now, which means she’s busy, so he settles in to wait once he catches her eye and she gives him a nod to say she’ll be right with him.

“Sorry about that,” she says, when she finally makes her way over to him around five minutes later. “We’re short-staffed, as you know. I didn’t know Thursdays were this busy!”

“No problem,” Cassian says, signing his receipt and handing it back to her while he pockets his card. “I’ve got nowhere to be.”

Jyn drums her fingers on the bar as she considers him. “You should know,” she says, after obvious deliberation, “I only date people who win at bar trivia.”

He could not possibly have heard that correctly. “I…what?”

“I think it’s only fair that you know this about me, since you’re making your interest known.”

“I wasn’t—that’s not what—I wasn’t saying I’ve got nowhere to be like that, just that I wasn’t in a hurry! I was not trying to—”

“Sure.”

“I’m serious. It was just an expression!”

She treats him to the most exaggerated, patronizing nod of all time. “Right. And you were absolutely not checking me out earlier.”

“I was not doing that,” Cassian says, and it’s frankly embarrassing how transparent of a lie it is.

“I don’t blame you,” Jyn says, shrugging her shoulders. “I’m very cute.”

“Huh. Now that you mention it…”

She smiles, one of those mysterious, knowing ones he finds so intriguing. “Bodhi did always say he thought you and I would get along if we ever met.”

“Too bad you have such high standards,” he replies, easily. “I could think of a few ways we could get along better.”

“Well, there’s always next week,” she offers.

“You mean, next week when we’re going to win trivia and you’re going to give me your number? That next week?”

Jyn shakes her head, but he can see she’s fighting a smile. “I admire your optimism.”

“Get ready to admire my intellect too,” he says, “when I win bar trivia.”

“Whatever you say, Cassian.”

*

“So,” Cassian says, as he leans up against the bar a week later after trivia has wrapped up, “are you absolutely sure you couldn’t be talked into dating someone much much dumber than you?”

Jyn’s answering laugh, surprised and delighted and unrestrained, makes him feel so much prouder of himself than winning trivia ever could. Not that he knows for sure, of course, never having done the latter, but if he had to guess.

[onewithnomightypowers]

clandestine (chapter 1)

PAIRING: Tom Holland x fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Y/N is an up and coming actress, married to a once hotshot actor, Harrison (Haz). What happens when her co-star, Tom, makes her realise that she is stuck in a loveless marriage. A marriage starts crumbling and a new romance stars brewing.

Chapter 1: too wise to trust

A/N: y/n is bisexual but not paired with a women. the characters have been aged up. the characters in no way portray how these ppl are in real life. i do not encourage cheating. i hope you guys like it as much is i do. if you want to be tagged them pls tell me. also comments are appreciated as they motivate me to write more and i love to know how you guys feel about the story.  

warning: cursing, mention of miscarriage, mention of sex, mention of cat calling, angst. fluff? 

word count: 1.4k

important: character thoughts are bold and italic, flashback is in italic

masterlist   series masterlist   chapter 2

She picked up her makeup bag from her vanity and started walking towards her empty suitcase which was wide open on her bed. “What time is your flight?” Haz asked while walking into their bedroom. “I think it’s at 6:30 in the evening but the car will be here to pick me up at 4”, she replied whilst folding her clothes.

“So we have at least an hour to us”; he pulled her by the waist and started kissing her neck. She tried pushing his chest away but failed miserably. “Haz, I’m not in the mood, please stop”

“Fine. But you have been saying that for months now”, he was frustrated.

She ignored his words like always. 

He was right. They hadn’t had sex for at least five months now and it was starting to gain on Harrison. Their marriage, which had been ‘couple goals’ according to the internet, was now slowly falling apart. It was clear that Y/N was falling out of love but she couldn’t find grounds for it. She couldn’t reason it by making him the villain because he was a good man who, in theory, had done nothing wrong. Though, to her, it felt like he had. Maybe he didn’t love her enough or maybe all had gone astray when they had lost their baby last year.

“Will Tom be there?” his words felt like venom, entering her bloodstream.

She placed her hand on her forehead, trying to indicate that she did not want to have this conversation or the inevitable fight, again.

“Of course he will be there, he is my co-star. You should get off the internet, it’s feeding you poison”, she said in an almost nonchalant way. Trying her best not to give him the satisfaction of a reaction to his name. His name, which did not mean anything to her. Tom was her colleague whom the internet liked to ship her with, but he was just a friend. Haz found it hard to believe this because the internet told him so. Their relationship was so far gone that he had no other way of knowing what was going on in her life. 

His wife was so far gone. She was as distant as the sun is from the moon. The distance left coldness between them. The kind of cold that you feel when you pass a stranger. She was a stranger to him and the only reason he could think of was that she and Tom were having an affair. This was not true, but the ache in his soul found comfort in painting Tom as the villain. 

“I don’t believe you”, Haz spat out.

She threw her heels inside the suitcase in anger. “What do you not believe? That Tom is my co-star? Is that what you don’t believe?” her voice was louder than before.

“I don’t trust him.” Haz matched her voice.

“Do you trust me?”

Trust? Her? How can I trust a stranger?

It was his turn to ignore her.

She zipped her bag, put on her shoes, and left the room. “Fuck you”, she cried before slamming their apartment door and leaving for London.

--

Y/N had first met Tom at a cast and crew dinner in New York, six months ago. Greta, the director, had invited both her and Haz but he had decided to opt-out of the ‘fancy’ dinner. Y/N was excited to meet her new co-stars and mark the starting of a new project, a new phase in her life.

It was cold in New York, she figured she shouldn’t wear a dress. She put on black stockings underneath blue bell-bottoms to keep her warm. She wore a dark grey American Eagles t-shirt and over that, a tan leather trench coat. She liked commuting via subway because she believed ‘nobody gives two shits about who is sitting next to them on the train’; and a town car was much slower, especially when it had been snowing. She stuffed her heels in her purse and wore her commuting shoes.

Tribeca to West Village was a good ten minutes train. Her travel was mostly uninterrupted except for the catcalls which felt like the usual to a native. Just before ringing Greta’s doorbell, she got out of her Converse and wore her heels.

Y/N entered a packed house. Almost everyone was there and she was late. But someone was to arrive even later than her. She examined the room, everyone was mingling with each other. She didn’t know anybody there except Noah Baumbach from the time she auditioned for ‘marriage story’. She didn’t get the part but still loved the movie. She realized Tom was missing.  

Greta pulled her into a conversation about when the production of the movie would start or something like that. She wasn’t really paying attention. She was so eager to meet Tom that her eyes couldn’t stop roaming around the room, trying to find him, and just when she thought he wouldn’t show up, he did. 

Everybody’s head turned towards him when he entered the living room. It was as if every person in the room wanted him, including her. His dark brown hair, falling into place like a domino, had snowflakes in them.

“Excuse me”, Greta gave a small smile to Y/N and walked over to Tom. She greeted him and politely touched his back. “Now that everyone is here we should take the party to the dining hall”, she said in a loud and cheerful tone.

Following Greta, everyone started moving towards the dining hall. Tom sat right across Y/N on the grand dining table. “Hi, I’m Tom”, he introduced himself in his thick British accent. “And he’s English”, Y/N said, adding to her list of things she found captivating about Tom.  

“And?” Tom gave her a confused look.

Shit. I said it out loud.

“I-I mean hi, I’m Y/N”, she tried to cover up her mistake.

His dark brown eyes on her, made her thoughts run wild. It was wrong enough to feel right. The dinner was served and small groups of conversations were taking place. Somehow the whole table took on the topic of bisexuality. Y/N felt obligated to take part in the conversation, being part of the community herself. 

“I think bisexuality is a gateway to being gay”, Tom said to the whole table.

“You’re being bi-phobic, Tom”, Y/N called him out. All eyes were on her now.

“And how do you know that?” Tom asked Y/N.

“Because I am bisexual, and any decent human being would know that”

“Are you calling me indecent?”

“No, I’m calling you bi-phobic”

“But aren’t you married to a guy?”

“That doesn’t change my sexual orientation, and you’re being bi-phobic. Again.” There was silence, everyone was listening carefully. 

“Okay, so please explain to me how I’m being bi-phobic?”

“Just the fact that you believe bisexuality is a gateway to being gay and me being married to a guy, means my bisexual card has been revoked, portray your biphobia”

“I am a little confused”, Tom said while reaching for his wine glass. 

“Someone who is bisexual is attracted to both men as well as women. It isn’t a gateway to being gay, it is a legit sexuality of its own”, 

“Hmm, I suppose I stand corrected. I’m sorry if I offended you or anyone. I will go home, do the research and try to be more open-minded”, said Tom, smiling.

“Good”, Y/N said, feeling accomplished and impressed by Tom’s ability to accept his mistake.

Haz would have never accepted that he was wrong.

Y/N felt wonderstruck. Blushing all the way home. She hoped Tom knew how enchanting it was for her to meet him. She wondered if someone was waiting for him at home, like someone was waiting for her. She wasn’t quite sure whether Haz was waiting for her to reach home or not.

She reached home to an empty bed. Not knowing what to make of it, she got ready to sleep. 2 AM and Haz was still not home. She didn’t try to reach him because she knew all phone calls would go straight to voice message and all messages would go unreplied. She closed her eyes, feeling indifferent towards Haz. Even in her sleep, her mind echoed Tom’s name. She was unaware of the treacherous road ahead of her. And that gave her comfort. His thought gave her comfort.

[angstsfordays]

Beautiful Pain (8)

Chapter Eight- It Starts Today

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced! Reader

Summary: Post-Blip, you started to feel lost when most of the Avengers team are gone. Coping with your loss, you still find hope in the connection with your remaining friends. However, it is not easy as everyone is trying to figure their lives after the Blip.

Having a long history with Bucky ever since you both saved each other from Hydra, you were still glad you had Bucky after all this time. However, as you try to give Bucky space to find himself after being pardoned for his past, you start to wonder if you should ever cross the line of friendship before it’s too late.

That thought might have to be put on hold though, when you, Sam and Bucky find yourselves having to deal with threats that continue to rise in a post-Blip world.

Chapter synopsis: You aren’t sure how to move on from the aftermath of Latvia. Was it time for you to confront your feelings for Bucky or would you retreat back, pretending as if nothing ever happened?

Warnings: Fluffiness. Slow-burn but we're getting there! Perhaps some tear-inducing moments! 😭

Word count: 61k

Notes: Hi! I’m back after my assignment submission. Currently on a short break before an exam is due in 2 weeks. Ever since the series ended, not gonna lie I was a little unmotivated to write. However, I didn’t want to let down all those who have supported this series so far.

Hope you enjoy this chapter! 🥰 Btw, I legit bawled my eyes writing the last part! 🥲

Please give support by leaving likes, comments or helping to reblogs! Thank you! 🙏🏼

Previous: Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven

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“I’m surprised you’re still here. Figured you would be resting at home after what had happened.” Melissa, the manager of the social service centre you work for came by your desk.

“Sorry, I took urgent leave.” Looking up from the backlog of paperwork that had accumulated, you gave a sheepish smile at how much you had to get done. Melissa leaned her weight on the side of your desk and glanced down to your tired eyes.

“It’s fine, Y/N. But I don’t know if diving back into work is really the best for you now. ” You closed your eyes and let out a heavy sigh. Pinching the bridge of your nose, your eyes opened to see Melissa looking down at you in concern.

You were grateful for her check-in. Despite your so-called Avengers status, she never treated you like you were special. You still recalled the day where you stepped into her office for an interview for an open position on her team. The shell-shocked expression she had when she recognised who had decided to show up for a job interview in her office on a Tuesday morning was priceless.

“I don’t understand. Why would you be applying for a regular job here? I would expect you to continue your superhero career?”

Melissa asked with a hint of doubt before looking through your resume. Tactical negotiation skills do seem like an asset they could really use here in social work….

“There’s no more Avengers now…. Besides, I’m tired of fighting and I’m ready to do something else. I like to believe the real heroic work lies in our community.”

Your response took Melissa by surprise, in a good way of course. There was no hint of superiority that you exuded. What she saw in front of her was a woman who seemed earnest to do good work for her community.

“Any other things you would like to add on to show how you can contribute to the team?” Melissa looked at you in a renewed light and she inwardly smiled at the sight of you deep in thought to find an interesting response like any other nervous interviewee.

“I’m basically a human heater. I could step up to help if the electrical heater is not working in the winter?” The expression you had on your face after giving your reply made Melissa chuckled out loud. You inwardly cringed at your seemingly lame response but eased up when you see Melissa breaking out into a laugh.

“Perfect. Welcome to the team, Y/N.” Melissa extended her hand towards you and yours eagerly reached out to return the gesture.

Working with the social service centre here in New York had been great. You had finally found renewed passion in your life after the events of the Blip and the loss of your friends.

Everyone at the office made up a close-knitted family-like working environment and it was an added bonus that Melissa was an amazing boss too and became an unexpected confidant of yours. You felt like you finally found your place once again.

“Work keeps my mind busy. I much rather be busy than being left alone to my thoughts.” You were referring to your own overthinking with the whole Bucky situation. It had only been a few days since you returned back from Latvia, but it felt painfully long.

Melissa looked over you once more in concern. She knew that you were more than willing to share your thoughts openly with her as you two have established a close friendship outside of work for the past few months. However, she knew that they were still some things that you kept to yourself in private.

While you always maintained an optimistic front, she knew that you were only human and susceptible to darker and deeper emotions especially after all you had been through.

“Hey, Joey is making a coffee run at that new coffee place around the block. They’re having a 1 for 1 coffee deal today. You want your usual?” Nodding gratefully, Melissa gave your shoulder a light squeeze before moving off.

You swivelled your office chair back to face your laptop. The words on the screen didn’t seem to focus as your mind was clouded with the recollection of what had happened after witnessing John did the unthinkable.

What he did back in Latvia had become international news the very same day, the amount of scrutiny and support for him were head-to-head on the internet. The news on television ever since you returned home had been covering it day and night. As you recalled back the order of events that happened back in Latvia, you could feel an invisible weight in your mind and heart.

Sam and Bucky went to find John while you tried to manage the aftermath of everything that had happened. You helped to settle things with Lemar and assisted in the reports that had to be accounted back to the authorities back in the states.

When Sam and Bucky returned back to find you, they filled you in on what happened and you learnt that they had to forcibly take back the shield from John. It was too dangerous to even let John have the shield anymore, given what he had done to Nico. You were sure that it must not have been an easy fight as you recalled the bruises on each man’s face.

The three of you had another meeting once everything was settled. You were disgruntled to learn that Karli and her group were once again on the run and you were all sure that she would now make sure that she’s impossible to be found.

Looking back and forth between your two boys who found themselves at a standstill, you quietly figured that this was the end of the mission regarding Karli. Even if it was for a brief moment, you felt happy to have worked with them. It almost felt like a sense of normalcy as you worked as a team again.

The reality was that you knew Sam and Bucky still had a strict working relationship and you ever wondered if there was a chance for all three of you to work together again as the Avengers. Preparing yourself for the disappointment, you silently watched as your boys exchanged silent looks once more.

“I guess this is goodbye.” You first spoke up amidst the silence. Both men looked up in surprise when you decided to voice out the reality of the situation. You walked over to Sam to give him a goodbye hug and lingered for a moment as he gave you a couple of pats on your back.

“You take care, alright? You know you can reach out to me anytime.” Sam assured you to which you returned a grateful smile.

“Of course, see you soon hopefully.”

As you pulled away from Sam, you turned to see Bucky standing with an unreadable expression on his face. Walking gingerly towards him, you wiped off the non-existent palm sweat on the side of your pants as your heartbeat started to pick up.

“Hey.” It was just one word but you felt yourself choking to utter it out. You weren’t sure how to face Bucky especially from whatever happened back with Karli.

You weren’t sure if you wanted to address the elephant in the room but you figured that you could brush it under the rug if it didn’t seem like Bucky was intending to talk about it too. There was a brief awkward silence before you decided to break it.

“I know you still have unfinished business” Bucky’s eyes glanced off to the side and then to the ground before they met yours. Bucky was not surprised that you understood him so well. Yes, he had unfinished business with Zemo and he needed to follow through with it.

However, he also wanted to badly talk things out with you. Many revelations had come to light unexpectedly from one event to another and he wanted clarity.

“You wanna come?” Giving a brief smile at his invite, you considered it for a brief second. After everything that happened from Germany to Madripoor and to Latvia, you believed you needed to take a step back.

You would have never thought that your deep-seated feelings for Bucky would ever come to light, and it was in the worst-case scenario imagined.

What should have been a private and intimate revelation had turned out otherwise. Karli had inadvertently outed you and you were forced to confront your feelings for Bucky before you were even ready.

As much you wanted to talk things out with Bucky, it was not the right timing. Not with Zemo still out there roaming freely. Unfortunately, work needed to come first in this situation and you had to let it take priority over your heart.

Immediately as you shook your head, you could see the puzzled expression painted on Bucky’s face. He did not expect your response as he figured you would have been more than willing to accompany him.

“You don’t need me, Buck.” You were wrong, Bucky thought. Yes, he could handle Zemo on his own but he wanted nothing more than to have you by his side especially since he had learnt of your deeper feelings for him. He didn’t want to let you leave just yet.

Wrapping your arms behind his neck, you pulled Bucky slightly down in an embrace before placing a short peck on his lips. “See you around, Buck.”

“Change of plans, Sam. Mind if I head back with you?” Seeing you turning your back to walk back to Sam, Bucky could feel a sense of disappointment and hurt washing over him. Tuning out Torres’ comments, Bucky stalked out of the door.

-------------------------//---------------------------

It was not difficult to figure out where Zemo would have escaped to. As the memorial statue to commemorate those who had fallen in the events of Ultron came into sight, Bucky’s fingers clenched tighter around the gun he had been holding.

“I thought you would be here sooner. Don’t worry, I’ve decided I’m not going to kill you-” Zemo could see Bucky in his peripheral line of sight.

“Imagine my relief.” Bucky returned sarcastically. Zemo turned to meet Bucky before he continued to speak.

“Or your pretty friend.” A small smirk formed on Zemo’s face as he sees Bucky clicked the gun in his hand with a hardened look.

“You touch her and I would end you right here.” It was almost satisfying to get a rile out of Bucky and Zemo knew you were his weak point.

He scoffed at how it was clear as day to everyone that you two had something deeper beyond friendship or camaraderie. And yet, the two of you chose to never address it.

Zemo then went on to talk about how Karli was beyond redemption and that warning Sam had been a futile attempt. He believed Bucky had the will to actually do what’s necessary, given that he was indeed programmed to kill.

Bucky was seething with silent rage. He was not a killer anymore. Zemo’s mere insinuation only served to remind him how people never changed their perspective on him. Bucky responded that he would figure out a way that didn’t pander to Zemo’s drastic methods.

Raising his right arm, the gun was pointed towards Zemo. The rush of emotions overcame Bucky as he thought about how Zemo made his life hell, accusing him of a crime he didn’t commit.

Despite some truths to his words, Zemo was relentless and pragmatic in achieving his goals and he was deemed too dangerous to be left unattended.

Gripping the gun tightly, Bucky cocked back the trigger and let it go. Zemo accepted his fate, knowing he had done Bucky wrong. The sound that followed next was not as deafening as the silence that followed next. Zemo then realised Bucky had indeed managed to move on from his past and did not succumb to his darker desires to kill him.

Bucky watched on as the Dora Milajae came to escort Zemo, with plans to take him to the raft where he would face imprisonment for the rest of his life.

Ayo came up to Bucky’s and advised him that it would be best if he avoids coming back to Wakanda for the time being. Bucky agreed that it was fair.

“Give my regards to Y/N.” Bucky nodded once more at Ayo’s words, however, the masked expression on his face did not go unnoticed by the Dora Milajae’s second in command.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No, uhm-nothing. It’s fine.” Ayo gave Bucky a knowing glance before bidding him goodbye.

“Hey, I might have another favour to ask of you.”

-------------------------//---------------------------

Sam: How have you been doing?

Y/N: Alright…I’m busy with work. :)

Sam: Have you spoken with Bucky?

Y/N: Not really, I know he’s probably finishing up business in Sokovia.

Sam: Shouldn’t he be back home by now?

Y/N: To be honest, I’m not sure. I haven’t reached out and he didn’t contact me either.

Sam: Hey, are you alright?

Y/N: Honestly….no…I thought I could distract myself with work but my mind has never been rested ever since Latvia.

Y/N: I don’t know how to face him after what went down. Just wanna bury me in a deep hole or maybe get snapped again. Hmmm….

Sam: Girl, have you gone mad?

Y/N: Maybe

Sam: Hey, why not come over to my place for the weekend? You can finally meet Sarah and the boys.

Y/N: Oh no, Sam. I could never intrude.

Sam: What are you talking about? I invited you!

Y/N: ……….

Sam: Come on! Hey, you ever been on a fishing boat before?

Y/N: Not that I could recall of….

Sam: Then that’s perfect! Come check out my family’s boat, although it’s not in the best shape. Been trying to spruce it up and get it back to its former glory….

Y/N: Alright, dad.

Sam: Hey, watch your manners.

Y/N: HAHAHA ;) See you soon!

-------------------------//---------------------------

You were pumped to head down to Sam’s hometown for the weekend. It was long overdue after hearing about them so much.

Adjusting the strap of your duffle bag, you gingerly walked to the front door and gave a few knocks. Tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ears, you fidgeted on your toes, hoping that you would be able to make a good first impression.

When the door opened, your eyes first looked to see no one until you averted them down. You saw a young boy with glasses looking up at you with curious eyes. Mustering your best smile, you let out a warm greeting. “Hi!”

“Who’s that AJ?” You heard a woman’s voice calling after the boy in front of you.

“Mum, there’s an Avenger at the door!” The boy hollered back before running back into the house. You weren’t sure what to do next so you remained where you stood. Within a matter of seconds, the woman you had heard about so much appeared right in front of your sight.

“Oh, hi! You must be Y/N.”

“Er-yes, I am!” You returned enthusiastically and Sarah, as she introduced herself ushered you into the door. Your eyes roamed around the homey and cosy décor that filled the Wilson home.

“I didn’t expect you to show up so early! Have you eaten?” Nodding in response, Sarah pointed out to where you could put your bag down and went back to hustling in the kitchen. You told her you already had a quick bite before coming over and she looked at you with a pleasing smile.

“Sam’s actually at the dock right now,” Sarah informed you and you blanched at the thought of being by yourself without Sam to be a buffer for your first meeting with his family. However, your worries were for nothing as Sarah welcomed you warmly.

“Don’t worry, you can join me, I’m heading over too.” Her friendly demeanour eased your initial nervousness and you nodded eagerly in response.

As you and Sarah made your way over to the docks, the two of you fell into easy conversation. You learnt from her that she was struggling to keep the family business afloat and how they couldn’t even manage to get a loan from the bank.

Nevertheless, Sam was determined and managed to call in favours from their close-knitted community to chip in some help. A sudden wave of guilt washed over you when you realised that Sam had been facing real problems of his own and that you weren’t aware of it to help.

You had wished that you had been a better friend. Being the kind soul she was, Sarah dismissed your negative thoughts and reassured you that it was alright. From what Sam had spoken of you, she was eager to meet you herself.

“Sam says you always have his back when you are all out there in all the action.”

“Of course, we are a team. Sam’s a great person so it’s not hard to be there for him when he needs it.” Hearing your answer had Sarah throw a grateful smile your way. She was glad that Sam had someone he could trust while he’s out fighting the threats of the world.

As you two approached a medium-sized boat, you could make out the figure of Sam from a distance. You were excited to run up to greet him but it was the second figure on the boat that you stopped in your tracks.

A high-pitch whistle suddenly burst into your eardrums and you realised one of the pipes from the boat was loose. You saw Bucky heading down to help Sam and you gulped nervously as you continued to watch the scene happening in front of you.

You were definitely not expecting to see Bucky here in Louisiana. Why was he even here? Your eyes moved to see Sarah moving closer to where the men stood and Bucky introduced himself with a charming smile.

Sarah returned his greeting politely and looked over to Sam. “Hey, Sam! Look who I brought.”

Back turned, you were hoping to escape unnoticed, yet you were too slow as you heard Sam calling out for you.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Slowly turning your back, you were greeted by the sight of Sam and Bucky looking with equally confused expressions on their faces.

Not knowing what to say, your eyes blinked far more than times than normal as you tried to straighten up and looked convincing. “Toilet?” You muttered out hesitantly. Sam was not convinced at all as one of his brows was raised in question.

“You came all the way to my hometown, the least you could do is say hi first.” Grimacing and giving a sorry look, you made your way to the boat and Sam helped you down.

“Hey, Sam. Thanks for inviting me.” You spoke as you gave him a hug in greeting. Bucky was surprised, to say the least. He was only stopping by to drop a package for Sam but he never expected to see you here.

He had trouble reaching out to you, crafting messages every other hour and deleting them before deciding to not contact you at all. He was wondering if you were still mad at him from when he last saw you in Latvia.

“Wait, what are you doing here, Y/N?”

“Sam invited me to come to stay with his family for the weekend, like a getaway.” Meeting Bucky’s bright eyes always did something to your guts. Your breath hitched at how he could so simply beautiful with the sea view set against his back.

“Or more like I want to introduce you to my family and planned a surprise proposal so that we can be engaged by the end of the week.” Sam’s arm landed with a slight thud around your shoulders. You turned to see him wiggling his brows and donning a mischievous smile.

Eyes widening once you processed his words, you can’t help a chuckle as you knew that Sam was trying to crack a witty joke to mess with Bucky. Bucky looked like he was about to actually combust and kill Sam with his fiercest glare.

“Oh Sam, what a way to ruin the surprise. I expected you to be more romantic.” You quipped back to play along to his shenanigans. Sam ruffled your hair endearingly before looking to Bucky who didn’t seem one bit amused.

“Woah, I’m just kidding. Would you look at his face? Man, I got you good.” A wide smile broke out on Sam’s face before he started cackling.

“That’s not funny.” Buck look to the side and gave out a short sigh of relief. He looked back at you with an unreadable expression. Sensing the tension in the atmosphere, Sam believed it was time to leave you two alone.

“Remember to thank me later,” Sam whispered into your ear before giving you a pat on your shoulder. Your brows furrowed in confusion as you looked at him walking off to the other end of the boat.

Bucky still continued to stand at his spot and you took the first step towards him. He was still silent and giving you an infamous brooding stare. Bringing two fingers to the corner of his lips, you gently lifted each side up to force Bucky into a smile.

“You are going to look physically 106 for real if you continue to frown like that.” You teased Bucky in hopes that he could ease up.

“Blame Sam.” He huffed like a little child who got nagged by his mother.

“Sam was just joking. You know that.” You removed your fingers from his cheeks and Bucky immediately missed the touch that you gave.

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Give me a smile.” Seeing your doe eyes looking at him adorably, Bucky felt his icy exterior melting. Pretending to clear his throat, he looked to the side before facing you with a tight but warm smile. His smile widened when he saw you returning a big grin.

For a moment, it didn’t feel like what happened in Latvia had crossed both of your minds. It was just back to the way things had been before. It was safe and comfortable. But was it what you really wanted?

Were you just going to ignore your feelings for Bucky forever?

“Are you two continuing to get lost in each other’s eyes?” Sam’s holler snapped you and Bucky out of your moment. The two of you awkwardly shifted before heading over to where Sam was. You both offered to help Sam on his family boat to speed things up.

It was a truly therapeutic afternoon for all three of you. Free from the world fighting and just hanging out as a bunch of friends (more so of your thought than the boys). The entire time, Bucky was subtlety (or not) flexing his strength as he took charge of most of the heavy work.

You could see the impressive looks from some of the community members that walked past and you smirked at how Bucky was trying his best to look unbothered from the attention.

“My welding machine is broken when I managed to find it, sorry Sam.” One of the elders stopped by the boat to tell Sam and he reassured that it was fine. However, you could still see his worried expression.

“I guess it’s time for me to step up.” You exclaimed while putting down the sanding paper in your hands. You asked Sam to guide you to what needed to be welded together. Extending two fingers together to mimic a gun, you gathered flame-like energy and started to weld the pieces of metal together like it was nothing.

You didn’t realise you had attracted a small crowd as everyone gathered to see the woman who was shooting fire out of her fingertips. “That’s so cool!” A young boy yelled in excitement as he jumped up and down.

Once you’re done, you looked to see the several kids clapping fervently. You gave your best smile and threw in a two-finger salute their way.

“Seems like you have fans now,” Bucky remarked to which you smirked coyly. “What are you talking about? I always have fans.”

After everything was done for the day, Sam brought you all some cold beer to end things right. Clinking your bottles, you took a seat beside Sam as Bucky talked about how he needed to get a hotel for the night before catching his flight out tomorrow.

As he spoke, he looked over to you with an expecting look before he took another gulp of beer. Sam scoffed before convincing Bucky to stay for the night with his family. Bucky still awkwardly shifted as he tried to decline the offer.

You felt a slight jab in your waist and turned to see Sam nodding over to Bucky.

“Come on Bucky, I’m also imposing here too. Don’t leave me by myself.” Just when Bucky was sure that he would flat out refuse Sam, your words managed to bring him back. He chuckled at you giving a sad puppy look before he admitted defeat.

As the three of you returned to Sam’s house, you all washed up and got ready for dinner that Sarah prepared. You offered to help despite her insistence that you’re a guest. It was such a nice peaceful moment when all of you squeezed around the now seemingly small table now that you and Bucky joined in.

Nevertheless, dinner went well and the conversations were great. AJ and Cass heard from the kids in the neighbourhood about what you did and asked you to do a little demonstration before they got silenced by their mother.

“Are you like Uncle Sam’s girlfriend?” You choked on the water that you had just drunk and Sam who was beside you helped to pat your back down.

All attention went to little AJ who looked very serious in having his question answered. All the adults at the table didn’t know whether to laugh or panic at his seemingly innocent query.

Sarah handed you a napkin to wipe your face and you smiled gratefully. Bucky was experiencing a gnawing feeling. Sure, it was a kid asking an innocent question but it bothered him more than it should. His eyes averted to where you sat and he saw how you were trying to come up with a response.

“What makes you think so, kid?” Sam quipped in before extending an arm out to wrap around your shoulders. The spoon in Bucky’s hand was on the verge of being bent into half.

“I don’t know. You never bring a girl home.” AJ’s reasoning had you giggling at his adorable nature.

“Well, how about it babe? Should we tell them?” Sam looked at you with a smug look. You turned to see Bucky trying to look neutral but you knew his irritated look when you saw one.

“Sam….” You spoke in a warning tone before he snickered. Sam threw his hands up in defeat before turning back to his nephew to explain.

“Y/N’s a friend, she’s like a buddy to me.” Sam ruffled your hair before giving a pat on your head.

“You have someone you like, Auntie Y/N? Can I call you auntie?” Cass chimed into the conversation and your facial expression betrayed you before you couldn’t even pretend.

You sent a fleeting glance to a person with bright cerulean eyes before you cleared your throat and nodded to Cass.

“It’s a secret.” You spoke with a mischievous glint in your eyes. Finger raising up to your lips, you let out a small spark of energy which wowed the two young boys. You threw in an extra wink before you all resumed dinner.

The spoon in Bucky's hand was saved from being rendered useless. Letting out a relieved sigh, Bucky's heart started to pick up again as he thought about your response.

When would he able to catch you at the right time to talk?

-------------------------//---------------------------

AJ shared his room with his mum while Sam bunked in with Cass for the night. You took Sam’s room while Bucky took the couch downstairs. Sleep didn’t come easy for you that night and you decided to make your way down.

Once you were on the last step, you could see Bucky stretched out on the small couch. You made sure to be as quiet as possible before going to get a glass of water. Once you had your drink, you walked over and stopped a few feet short of where Bucky was.

The moonlight from the window added a beautiful glow onto him and you smiled at how he had a peaceful expression on his face as he slept.

Taking silent steps, you kneeled down near to where his head was. Seeing how he was letting out soft breaths, you believed that he was deep in a peaceful slumber.

You couldn't stop yourself from reaching out to brush the tips of his hair before sliding your fingers to stroke the apple of his cheeks. You smiled to yourself looking at the endearing sight in front of you.

Figuring you didn't want to stay on acting like a creep, you stood up and tucked yourself further into the warmth of your woolly cardigan.

You tiptoed to the front door and walked out to the lake by the Wilson house.

Breathing in the fresh air, you took in the beautiful night view and admired how the moon was reflected on the lake.

“Y/N.” Your eyes were closed and you wondered if you were hearing things. When your name was called a second time, you realised it wasn't just imagination anymore.

Letting out a shaky breath, you turned to see Bucky walking towards you with a nervous look. It dawned upon you that the inevitable moment had arrived. Now that you both had a temporary moment of peace from the non-stop fighting, you figured it was time to have the talk.

Standing face to face with Bucky, your gaze concentrated on the space beyond his shoulders. You weren’t sure how to face him in the eye yet.

It felt like minutes had passed before Bucky gathered up the courage to speak first. His hands were in his pockets as he looked down on the ground awkwardly.

“Did you mean everything? Every word you said to Karli back in Latvia.” Your eyes fluttered shut before looking back to see his intense blues peering back at you.

“Why would I lie?” You answered back in a whisper. Bucky nodded in understanding before continuing. “When did it start?”

“Remember Romania? We were at the farmer’s market and you were intensely deciding between the plums or tangerines. The poor owner thought you were getting pissed at him or something.”

“That’s what did it for you?” Bucky looked confused at your explanation. He thought it would have been some sentimental or romantic moment that you had realized your feelings for him.

“It’s cute. You’re cute.” You justified yourself nervously, murmuring the last part softly.

“Your definition of cute is weird.” He mumbled bashfully as he looked down to the ground in embarrassment. Shrugging your shoulders, you started to feel shy yourself.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” You let out a hum and thought deeply before speaking.

“I didn’t want to give you something to worry about when you’re still unpacking from the Blip, Steve leaving and your pardon. I also know you had your amends….didnot felt like it was the right time. Never felt like there was ever a right time with all the crazy things happening around us.”

“To be honest Bucky, it might have been hard for me but I would have been okay to not say anything at all. Sometimes loving someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them. True love is when you just want that person to be happy.” When you realised you had used the word love, you bit your lips as if to hold your tongue.

You slapped a hand to your lips before turning your back on Bucky, grimacing at the fact that you went that far in your explanation.

Bucky felt an emotion that was indescribable in words as he processed what you had just said. He then realised that you had always been selfless for him even it meant that you disregarded yourself in the process. How could he ever deserve someone like you?

Placing his hands on your shoulder to turn you back, Bucky was a little surprised to find you tearing up. You quickly wiped them away and averted your eyes away from him. Cradling your face gently in both his hands, Bucky gently wiped away a few more tears that cascaded down.

He didn’t want to see you cry anymore. He realised seeing you like this has brought him greater pain than he could have imagined.

He was at a loss for words but Bucky knew what he wanted to do next. He leaned down to place his lips gently on yours and your hands went to rest on the spot where his neck and shoulders meet.

Bucky hummed when he felt you returning the kiss and slid his vibranium hand down to your waist to pull you closer. Putting all his feelings into the kiss, Bucky wanted to let you know what he truly felt.

He slanted his mouth to deepen the kiss. You let out a soft gasp at the surprise but it was not unwelcome. You had always imagined what it would be like to finally kiss him and it was even better than you had imagined. Your arms snaked behind his neck to pull him down while his hands roamed around your back to feel you closer.

The two of you eventually pulled away for a little air after kissing for what it seems like forever. Bucky’s thumb swiped your swollen lips before learning it for another kiss once more. “I don’t deserve you.” He muttered through his breath.

“Don’t ever say that. Stop thinking of yourself as being unloveable. Know that you're the most precious thing to me. I will go through hell and back for you, always.” You confessed with an absolute resolve before turning shy. Your eyes moved to your hands smoothing down the material of his shirt.

Hearing your confession made Bucky the happiest and luckiest man in the world. How was he able to find someone like you who loved him despite everything he was and had done.

There used to be someone like that for him. Yet, in the end, he left Bucky alone in this world. Looking down at how you were shyly avoiding his gaze, Bucky's heart tightened in a good way.

He kissed the crown of your head before pulling you in for a bone-crushing hug as if he didn’t believe this moment wasn’t real and didn’t want to let go.

Once you two pull apart, his arms were still wrapped around your waist while you held his arms. "I love you so much, doll. You're the best thing that's ever happened."

Looking up to meet Bucky's eyes with renewed confidence, you never want him to doubt your feelings for him. He had gone through so much and you just wanted to never make him feel like he's alone.

"I will always be here for you, Bucky. You are my person to love and protect for as long as I live."

Your words were simple yet they were backed by such powerful and sincere emotions. Before he knew it, tears started to well up in his eyes.

Bucky started sniffing as tears started falling down his cheeks uncontrollably.

You were surprised at the sudden turn of events and you went to wipe his tears away with your fingers.

You found yourself joining him in crying as well but you knew that they were happy tears. Bucky brought his forehead to rest on yours as the two of you both cried silently.

"You're my only person. I will love you forever." Bucky spoke quietly before he leaned in for another kiss.

The two of you didn't want to let the other go that night. Bucky suggested for him to crash Sam's room but you were sure that your friend would throw a fit the next day.

You tried to control the volume of your giggles as you squeezed to fit into the too-small couch for two. Both of your limbs were tangled messily and you both embraced each other tightly to prevent yourselves from falling down.

The rest of the night ended in endless exchanges of smiles, eskimo and deep kisses. Both you and Bucky had finally found a home in each other.

-------------------------//---------------------------

The next morning

The sunlight shone throughout the whole room and you were reluctant to open your eyes. You felt Bucky stirring behind you as he tightened his hold on your waist.

"Oh heck no, did you two dirty my couch? I didn't give up my bed for you to snuggle with grandpa here, Y/N!" A sheepish grin formed on your face before you opened your eyes to see Sam standing with his arms crossed and a mocked disapproval on his face.

"Auntie Y/N likes Uncle Bucky!" AJ exclaimed aloud as he and his brother stepped into the living room.

You felt Bucky's chest rumbled slightly behind your back and you knew that he was amused to have riled Sam early in the morning. Pulling up the thin blanket over your head as if it could save you from embarrassment, Sam continued to go on his rant.

"Morning, my love." You turned to see Bucky looking at you fondly before leaning down to kiss the top of your brow.

Today is only the start of your forever.

-------------------------//---------------------------

"Wolves are known to follow one female wolf until death."

- Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo

P.S This is my all-time favourite kdrama. Check it out if you haven't! I find that the male lead has many similar qualities I see in Bucky and what a coincidence that he is also known as a wolf in the show just like our white wolf here.

Tag list: @tanyaherondale @spookycereal-s @cataves @archaeoheart @conflicted-noxsirius @archaeoheart @idiotinnit @anxious-stitcher @lindseyrae20 @mads-weasley @taina-eny @intothesoul @oopsiedoopsie23 @detecellie @blueboxesandcats

[thatsallotadamage]

I don't have any specific characters in mind, but this bit of dialogue has been stuck in my head for a while "You didn't spend all that time getting me to respect myself just for me to forget it the second you fuck up." so like... idk here's this if you want to use it??

Shoji knocked on the door to his friends room. It had been a long day around UA after some training incident and Tokoyami had been locked in his room since classes ended. He usually spent some time out in the common area with him and Hagakure or even hanging out with Todoroki in his room, but he checked there and the boy hadn't been nesting in that room. "Tokoyami, are you in there?" He asked, knowing damn well the answer, but as he waited there wasn't a sound.

He took a deep breath and knocked again "Dark Shadow, are you in there?" He asked it.

"Yeah we're in here" they replied and quickly unlocked the door before Tokoyami could protest.

Shoji walked into the stereotypically emo looking bedroom with the occassional pride flag or poster strung up on the wall. In the corner of the room he saw Tokoyami curled up in his "nest" as he called it with Dark Shadow coiled around him like a security blanket, it seemed to be in low spirits aswell. He shut the door behind him and walked over, holding three protien bars and sat down. "I figured we could have dinner together since you guys don't feel like coming downstairs" he suggested. Dark shadow was the first to bend, they quickly snatched the protien bar from him and started munching on it.

"Well, Fumi you need to eat" he said. The other groaned and took the protien bar, munching on it "Thank you Shoji".

The three sat in silence for awhile before Shoji spoke once more "You know he isn't mad at you, infact I overheard him talking to Bakugou about how he hoped you were alright" he said and glanced at the door to make sure it was shut. For once he let his speaking nub turn back into a nub and pulled down his mask to eat with his normal mouth. He felt comfortable with doing it around Tokoyami since the other had encouraged him so much about his appearance.

"Why? Why is he worried about me when I'm the one who- who-" he threw the wrapper in frustration and Dark shadow hurried to pick it up "Fumi dont throw things!" They scolded. He just glared at his quirk and took a deep breath "I'm the one who should worry about him, I bit him! I bit him like a fucking- like an animal!".

Shoji was no stranger to insults but he knew calling someone with an animal mutation quirk an animal was heinous and derogatory. Tokoyami had worked so hard to help him with his own issues, specifically about his face and arm webbing. He wasn't just going to let this slide.

"Dont say that about yourself" he said sternly "You reacted how any person in a panick would react by being forced into a headlock by mr- it's all in the forearms of all people" he pointed out.

Tokoyami looked up from his lap "I bit him Shoji! I bit Sero the nicest guy in our class and then my stress grip kicked in and I couldn't let go" he said, his voice quivering as he gripped some of his head feathers "Even Aizawa's cancel didn't work on me because it's not my quirk that's the problem it's my stupid stupid biology!" He cried out. "Do you know how terrible I felt? I couldn't let go and he was screaming his head off trying to pull away? I'm terrible Shoji, with some freaky biology like mine Dark shadow and I will never be heroes" he said.

"Well I dont know about you but I am getting a herk license" Dark Shadow said sternly.

"Not the time DS" Shoji said.

"Sorry" it said and shrunk back.

"You can still be a hero Fumikage" Shoji said, hesitantly putting two hands on his back. "Wheres your self respect?" He asked.

"Wherever the hell all the socks in the dryer go" he said with an eye roll and wiped away a stray tear from his eye. He wasnt crying, it was just a feather in his eye.

Shoji sat up straight "You really spent all this time, these past six months getting me to respect myself to the point I am taking to you right now without a mask on, only to think I'd forget it the second you fuck up?" He asked. Tokoyami looked at him as this was very out of character for him to even say the word fuck. But he had to admit Shoji was right and he was a big fat hypocrite to think himself any less a person because of his certain instincts.

"You have a way with words Mezo, tones that make me question my own understandings of things" he said, leaning against him "I'm sorry" he apologized.

"You don't have to apologize, just look at it from another angle next time" the other said and dusted the crumbs off "Should we go get some real food bow?" He asked. Tokoyami looked to be in a better mood and nodded.

___

Tokoyami and Shoji were standing in the comons kitchen eating cereal while leaned against the cupboards "And then she said-" Shoji's words were cut short when someone walked in.

"Hey guys! C'mon we're doing a campaign tonight and Uraraka's the DM!" Sero said, grinning ear to ear with excitement. Who wouldn't? Uraraka was known for the more, chaotic campaigns.

Tokoyami couldn't help but glance down at Sero's left arm which was gauged up but the sight of a black and blue bruise could be seen creeping out from under the large would.

"Are you sure you'd like Us to join?" Tokoyami asked.

Sero nodded in excitement "Course! We need a tank and a poet bard- or you could bring that character you rolled up last oneshot! The drough!" His eyes practically sparkled.

Tokoyami giggled at the memory "I'll gi grab Edward scissorhand's character sheet from my room and meet you guys in the commons" he said and headed off to find the sheet he was sure was pinned somewhere in his room. Maybe this could be fun.

____

This was legit really fun to write. It's been awhile since I wrote a drabble like this

[hatsukeii]

Beautiful Trauma by Pink with Nishinoya, please!

Woop yess yeah angst is coming your way.

Okay I’m taking a break from matchups lol they’re getting harder to do because I do like a ton of them every day and like they’re GRUELLING HAVSJSGS they’re gonna be back but like I’m gonna focus on writing scenarios and maybe hcs for a bit then get right back to the matchups:)

Btw @artsamber I’m sorry I genuinely don’t know how marriage fics work and I don’t really see Nishinoya as someone that would lose interest after marriage, but I’ll try my best to incorporate your ideas into this fic!

(I’m legit trying my best to keep this as non explicit as I can because I’m keeping these for future uses if my English teacher ever tells me to write romance or something I can just pull up my blog and use scenarios-)

Beautiful Trauma// Nishinoya Yuu x Reader

Word count: 2000+

Warnings: Mild swearing

Nishinoya didn’t like feeling guilty. He hated the falling sensation he would get whenever he lied. The thought of having to hurt someone disgusted him. He was mostly an open book, it was as if you could read him word for word, everything expressed in those goofy facial expressions. He didn’t ask for much. He wanted someone who he could tease. Someone he could trust with his inner conflicts. Someone that could make him feel appreciated. Out of all the things however, he craved for excitement the most. Excitement that you weren’t able to give him. He loved you, he definitely loved you. But in a couple of years’ time, the spark that used to ignite whenever he looked at you, touched you, kissed you, it was gone. He tried to ignore the emptiness, grasping at any opportunity he could to regain those feelings. Going on more dates, inviting you to all his matches, bringing you over to his house every single week, he did everything he could Nothing worked. He no longer felt special. He had fought so hard for you, everything was all rainbows and unicorns, until it wasn’t. Until you became just another person for him. 

You still remember the exact moment you realised he had changed. It still goes through your mind till this day. It was New Year’s Eve. The two of you went out to watch the fireworks at midnight. His hand felt cold that night, not a trace of the usual warmth that embraced your hand perfect to be found.. It felt stale and frigid. He didn’t initiate his usual weird chatter, nor did he make an effort to talk to you at all. Every other couple at the venue was doing some lovey dovey crap, giving each other bone crushing hugs, or laying in their loved one’s lap, occasionally sneaking a kiss or two. Seeing that, you tried to sneak in some romance into your date. You turned towards him, leaning in and giving him a kiss. Your heart fell when he stayed still, not reacting to anything. He didn’t kiss back, he didn’t hold your hand, he didn’t even make an effort to play with your hair.  It was as if your kiss had absolutely no effect on him. You tried again, letting go of his hand and cupping his cheek. Still nothing. You pulled away, slightly disappointed at the lack of attention you were getting from him as he stared at you with bored eyes, dragging you down to sit next to him. This should’ve been a sign. A sign that something was wrong. However, you brushed it off. Maybe he was just feeling a bit sick that night.

The lack of attention went on for months. You would have to ask him out every week, just to be able to spend any quality time with him, and most of the time he’d decline, using the same three excuses every time.

“Sorry, I’m busy with volleyball.”

“Feeling a bit tired today, I’ll pass.”

“I have schoolwork, can’t come.”

The rare instances where he doesn’t decline your request, he’s completely indulged in his phone. As if there was something that was better than spending time with the one he loved that was on that godforsaken monitor. You would try poking him, shaking him, nudging him, everything you could possibly do to gain his attention. In return, all you’d receive was an irritated groan or your hand being picked up and put back onto your lap, followed by a wave of depression hitting you by surprise as he continues to scroll mindlessly through his phone. You were tired of this, your gut telling you to just break it off with him. However you were hopeful. Too hopeful. You continued to cling onto the last shred of hope you had in that attention lacking heart of yours, praying that by spending enough time with him, he would go back to his old self. The Nishinoya that she fell in love with. The one that gave her kisses on her cheek, squeezed her hand whenever he held it, cried with her during hard times, pushed her on the swings in an abandoned park. She continued to look forward to a day, where he would once again greet her at her doorstep before walking to school together. That day never came.

Half a year. Half an entire year of hiding his inner conflicts. Nishinoya was done keeping it in. He had to tell you one way or the other anyways. He was sick of seeing how disappointed you’d get after he ignored you time and time again. He was drowning in his own guilt throughout the never-ending six months. That pit of regret that dug itself in his stomach made him want to just rip everything to pieces and scream into a void. He didn’t want to see you like this, but quite frankly there was nothing he could do. His feelings were slowly fading, and they weren’t coming back. Everything that seemed bright in the world went dull as he pondered over his own emotions in his room. Letting out a feral yell, he sent all the books and papers on his desk flying to the floor, ripping some up and stomping on them. “WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? HUH? I CAN’T DO THIS TO HER! I can’t... I can’t hurt her like that.” He grabbed at his hair, pulling at it as he slid down the wall hopelessly, choking out strained sobs and screams as tears poured from his eyes. He was beyond frustrated. He definitely didn’t want to hurt you by telling you how he felt, however hiding it wouldn’t do any good either. In fact, the longer he hid it, the more affected by it you would be. He had made his mind. He was going to tell you the truth the next day, but at what cost? He was scared, definitely. He could already picture what would happen. He would tell you his conflicts, and you two would end it there, with both of you crying and leaving for different classes. He would probably do terribly during practice, maybe even skip it for once, and you would probably go home and cry. It would hurt him to tell you, but it was for the best.

You weren’t feeling ecstatic the next day, although you should’ve been. In your bag, was a framed polaroid, along with a tiny note attached to it, stuffed in between your lunchbox and textbooks. You made sure not to let the note crumple up. That was something important. Your friends teased you about it, calling you a hopeless romantic, lovestruck schoolgirl, and a variety of different romance tropes. All you could do was nod and laugh dryly, and pray they didn’t see the frown on your face throughout the whole day. During lunch, you scanned the cafeteria for your partner, finally landing your eyes on his tiny figure. He was in the very back of the lunch line, scrolling through his phone, again. You took a deep breath, grabbing the polaroid and treading towards him. “Nishinoya, can I talk to you alone for a bit?” The boy’s eyes glanced towards you, before he cracked a fake grin. “Uh sure thing.” You pulled him out of the lunch line, guiding him to behind a random stairwell, leaning on the wall with the framed photo in hand.

“So, for our second anniversary, I made you this. I hope you like it.” Nishinoya froze, before his eyes widened, his mouth slowly opening. “I- I’m so sorry (Y/N), I completely forgot about this! Oh lord I’m so dumb oh god-” He stopped for a moment. This was the perfect opportunity to tell you. You two were finally alone, he could just get it done and over with. He thought about it a bit more. Would it be too much for you? He had already forgotten about you guys’ anniversary, whilst you made an effort to make him something. He decided against it. He would do it another day. “Yuu, it’s okay, Don’t worry about it. Just read the note when you get back. I gotta go eat now, see you around.” And with that, you made your way back to your table. NIshinoya���s heart clenched. He felt terrible. He really hid the fact that he was losing interest from you for months, whilst you continued to believe that he loved you with his whole heart. He stared at the polaroid in his hand. It was from when you two had your first date in a pink cafe. That was the first time he ever kissed you in public. Inside of the frame, was a piece of paper folded into a tiny square. That was the note you were talking about. He let out a heavy sigh, returning to the cafeteria as well.

The note was now in his hands, still folded in that neat square. When school ended, you didn’t wait for Nishinoya like you usually did. Instead, he saw you walk away with another friend, who was patting your back as you were hunched over slightly. His heart dropped. Thank the lords he decided not to tell you today. Polaroid frame in hand, he examined everything. Maybe there was some hidden message behind this. Maybe she wrote something on the back of the polaroid too, instead of just writing a note. He took a few minutes to just observe the framed photo, before giving up and shoving it back into his bag. There was nothing weird or suspicious about it. It was just a normal polaroid. He walked home alone, not waiting for Tanaka. He felt like absolute shit, head hanging low as he walked towards his house, hands in his pocket. The second he got to his room, he threw everything to the floor, scrambling for the framed polaroid and pulling out the untouched note. He opened the note up, to see a neatly written message. It wasn’t just a note, it was a whole letter.

Dear Yuu,

I expected this already, so don’t be sorry. I knew you were going to forget. You’ve changed, everyone could see. Because of that, there’s something I need to tell you.

I’m breaking it off here.

Nishinoya’s eyes widened as he gripped the paper tightly with his now shaky hands. “No way....”

I know you might be confused as to why I’m doing this. But hear me out. I can see that you’ve changed. For the past months you’ve been uninterested. You haven’t been like the old Yuu since New Year’s Eve.

I love you, I do, but I can’t bear to see you force yourself into continuing this facade. It’s been two years, this isn’t a surprise to me. I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay with me against your heart’s desire. I’d rather you be happy with the relationship. Please. Let’s just end it here. It was beautiful while it lasted, but now it’s just trauma for me. I hope this anniversary gift is good enough. Goodbye.

Love,

(Y/N)

Tears streamed down the boy’s face as he re-read the letter again. Nothing changed. You had said what you said and Nishinoya felt terrible. He should’ve known you would be able to read through him. He should’ve just told you from the start, instead of keeping it in like a coward. Putting the letter down, he grabbed his bag, and threw it across the room, letting it land to the ground with a thud as his laptop and his textbooks spilled out. “NISHINOYA YUU WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?” Ah, of course, it was his mom. “NISHINOYA STOP MAKING SO MUCH NOISE!” The short boy ignored her, continuing to let his anger out. He threw all the books from his shelf onto the wooden floor, ripped up pieces of homework, and threw the polaroid to the ground, jumping on it and cracking the glass. He wasn’t mad at you. He was frustrated with himself. He was furious at his own cowardice, that led to him breaking your heart. “Why? It shouldn’t have been like this! I should’ve apologised to her before any of this happened! We might’ve had a chance!”

He continued to massacre his bedroom, throwing everything at his wall and breaking anything he possibly could get his hands on. His legs felt tired from stomping and jumping and his arms ached from ripping everything. He fell back, landing on his ass as he cradled his face in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably. He wanted to lie to himself. Tell himself there was nothing he could do about it. Convince himself that he had already tried his best.

But deep down, he knew that he just didn’t try hard enough, and now, the two years you guys spent together, where he loved every single minute of, was nothing but a beautiful trauma.

Tags:

@sunshines-and-tatertots @izzyphantomgamer @tokyoghoose @artsamber @trashcanweeb @inlwlevi @tiger1719 @mariechan123 @random-fandomlover @kaylacinderella @burnt-tomato @macaronnv @talks-a-lot-of-stuff @just-another-bored-writer @ewfilthymundane @agentvicinity

Comment or dm to be in taglist!!

Okay this is actually so bad I’m sorry idk I just hate this with a passion and I think it’s terrible but I hope you liked it🥺😔💕

References:

Beautiful Trauma lyrics on genius

Comments on the music video

My overanalysing brain

[merakiaes]

Satisfied - Finn Shelby

Pairing: Finn Shelby x reader

Requested: By @foggysportsbananawagon​

Prompts: #4, #27 and #43 from the smut-list. #29 from the kiss-list. 

Warnings/notes: REALLY BADLY WRITTEN SMUT AHEAD, I’M LEGIT GONNA BE NEEDING A BATH OF HOLY WATER! This is a combination of this, this, this, this and this request. I managed to get really many requests into one one-shot to save time. I really hope that’s alright. I’m really bad at writing smut, my vocabulary really sucks hahah. It’s not proofread so sorry in advance for any mistakes. I hope that you like it xx

Wordcount: 3923

Summary: After always getting interrupted, you and Finn have gotten really desperate for each other and smut ensues in his office. 

You and Finn had been together since you were both eighteen, having met when you moved to Small Heath with your parents and two younger siblings.

Your dad had served in the war with the Shelby brothers and apparently saved Arthur from his death more times than any of them could count, which resulted in your family getting taken in under the Peaky Blinders protective wings almost immediately upon first arriving.

Before coming there, you had lived in London, up with the snobs where your mother came from and you could say with a one hundred percent certainty already after the first day in Birmingham that you preferred it to the big city.

You met Finn the second day of your stay, along with the rest of his family, and although he was a bit shy and quiet to a start when Arthur first attempted to introduce you, you had clicked almost instantly, and you found his soft and innocent strangely alluring.

Unlike the way it usually was, with the girl being pure and the boy being experienced, you had been the one out of the two of you with the most sexual experience when you met and got together for the first time. 

Finn had been a virgin, and while you were no whore, you did enjoy partaking in sexual and intimate activities with the opposite sex.

You had only had sex with two guys prior; you boyfriend when you were sixteen, who had later moved with his foster parents to New York and some random guy who had chatted you up at the pub in London. 

Before, between and after those two guys, you hadn’t had sex with anyone else, but you had done other, more simple stuff with your fair share of temporary flings.

Moving to Small Heath, you realized, would make it a lot harder for you to get your sexual needs satisfied, as the boys your age there were as immature as your eleven-year-old brother and the men older were married with one to seven kids already.

So when you overheard Finn’s brothers teasing and pestering him about being a virgin and offering to hire him a prostitute, an offer that he immediately declined by storming out of there, face red with shame and fury, you jumped at the chance you had been given and got to work.

You had started off easy, leaving him lingering looks and touches and hoping he would catch on. But all he did was blush and turn the other way. Even when you started dropping more clear hints by openly flirting with him to the point where Arthur would notice it and urge him on, he did no such thing.

After a week of this, you got fed up and confronted him when he was alone, telling him without batting an eye that you could help solve his virgin problem and he could help satisfy you, also slipping out that he was the only boy in Small Heath that you would actually be okay with shagging.

If he had been flustered before, he was so ashamed he probably could have passed out when this happened. But still, you ended up taking his virginity and once he had gotten a taste of you, he couldn’t get enough, always following you around and practically acting like a needy little boy at the beginning of your friends with benefits relationship.

As more time passed, the two of you grew from teenagers to adults, Finn’s personality changing significantly with time, and for every time you slept together, the feelings you harbored for each other grew stronger.

You never put a label on your relationship but you had still made things pretty official by holding hands and kissing in public, and being attached at the hip wherever you went, so everybody knew you were an item. 

And about six months into your sexual relationship, you had shared your first ‘I love you’, so both of you knew you were stuck together for the rest of your lives.

Two and a half years had passed since you first decided to fool around. Finn had just recently turned twenty-one, him being a few months younger than you, and you were still going at it like restless bunnies whenever you got the chance.

But that was the entire source of the problem you were currently having.

You never got the chance.

For the past two weeks, you had been getting constantly interrupted by the people you regularly hung around.

First, Isaiah had walked in on you when you were in the middle of it in the morning, having been sent by Tommy to fetch the two of you for an early family meeting.

The second time had been in the middle of the night when you had both been sent home by the very same man, and Arthur had just barged into your bedroom like he owned the place with Linda at his side, saying Tommy had gotten himself into trouble – as usual – and needed Finn to come back.

The third time had been when everyone else was supposed to be at the Garrison. You had stayed home, Finn telling them that you had gotten a migraine just so you could get some time to yourselves and not be interrupted. But still, Polly, Lizzie and Esme had come to check up on you and keep you company so that Finn could go have fun with his brothers, successfully interrupting you once again.

It didn’t matter what time of the day it was, whether it was before the crack of dawn, at the middle of the day or at nighttime. It didn’t matter where you were, whether you were at home, outside, in the Shelby family estate on the countryside or in the bloody locker rooms of the boxing rings, someone was always there to interrupt your fun, needing either yours, Finn’s or both of your help for something they easily could have managed by themselves.

It was infuriating, and the lack of touch and release was slowly starting to take its toll on both of you, your moods having worsened significantly these past weeks.

Arthur and John had been the first ones to pick up on it when Finn had stormed into a boozer and angrily sat down on a chair, glaring the entire time, asking him if ‘his woman wasn’t giving him what he wanted’. 

He had said nothing, of course, not wanting to disrespect you by agreeing as it wasn’t even your fault in the first place, but still, he had wished that they actually realized that was the case and that it was their fault.

And you. Your father barely dared to be in the same room as you anymore, as you would lose control and start yelling at him the second he told a joke, leaving him slightly terrified as you had your mother’s temper; one he had learned early into their marriage was not to be tampered with.

It was definitely safe to say that your sexual drive was entirely too high for the amount of sex you were not having. And that went for the both of you.

But today, as if the Gods had heard your prayers, you had finally been blessed with an opportunity and you had wasted absolutely no time in jumping at it, sneakily pulling Finn out of the Garrison where the rest of your families would be holed up for at least thirty minutes.

Your house was too far away to be able to make it before they would notice you were missing, so you had had no other choice but to drag him towards his office building, the two of you hurrying inside, up the stairs, and into his office, only then letting go of his hand.

“Lock the door.” You rushed out through heavy breaths, out of breath from having ran all the way there from the Garrison.

Finn gave you a dumb stare to a start, but instantly caught on as he watched you start to tug your coat off of your body, his eyes widening slightly but nonetheless closing the door behind him, locking it.

“We’re doing it here?” He asked, his chest heaving up and down roughly and his eyes turning significantly darker just at the thought.

“Do you have a better idea?” You raised an eyebrow, finally getting your arm out of your heavy coat and throwing it across the floor, starting to work on the buttons of your blouse. “We never get to be alone.”

Finn took a step closer into the room, looking at you with an uncertain expression. “What if someone walks in?”

That’s what the lock is for, you idiot, you thought to yourself and had to keep from rolling your eyes. But his eyes betrayed his doubtful façade, causing you to just put on a playful grin as you started removing your shoes.

“Scared, Shelby?” You teased, pride filling your body as you watched his eyes started traveling your body as you let the blouse fall to the floor. “Don’t you want me?” You raised an eyebrow, grabbing at the thin material of your stockings and starting to pull them down your legs without lifting your skirt.  

Your tauntingly slow antics caused his breathing to intensify and his fists to clench at his sides as he stood by and enjoyed the show. 

“I want you so badly it hurts.” He answered, and his words were proven more than correct with the way he was clearly growing in his pants just at the mere sight of your hands running over your own body.

Letting your stockings drop to the floor, you stepped out of them and slowly backed up to his desk, now dressed only in your bra and skirt. 

“Then come here and take me.” You smirked, putting on an innocent expression and giving him a shrug. “Or maybe I’ll take Nick’s up on his offer and go have some fun with him instead.”

At your words, a dark glare instantly crossed Finn’s face, and he marched over to you all while tugging at the tie around his neck. “You’re mine and I’m not sharing.” He answered, his voice rough and determined.

You smirked at his response, and before you knew it, he had tugged you into him by your hips and roughly pressed his lips against yours, the feeling of his bulge pressing against your already aching core drawing a gasp from your lips.

Your hands instinctively went around his neck, completely undoing the loosened tie and throwing it somewhere across the room and wasting no time in getting to work on the buttons of his waistcoat.

You had to cut your movements short though, your fingers stopping right in their tracks as Finn moved his hand in between your legs, brushing his fingers directly over the place where you needed him the most.

“No panties?” He mumbled against your lips, his voice dark and slightly muffled, and you could feel his heart picking up speed against your chest just like yours was.

You moaned at the feeling of his thumb brushing over the sensitive bundle of nerves, your lips breaking apart briefly and your eyes meeting. “I haven’t worn any in a week.” You admitted, breathless. “I’ve wanted to be ready.”

His eyebrows raised slightly at your words, and you moaned again when he suddenly pushed a finger into you, your eyes squeezing shut and your hands gripping at the back of his neck. 

“Ready is right.” He answered, almost sounding as if he was mocking you. “I haven’t even touched you yet and you’re already this wet.”

“What can I say.” You breathed heavily, letting your forehead fall against his chest as he started moving his finger in and out of your wet center. “You do things to me that no other man ever could.”

And just like that, his brave façade was gone with the wind, your confident words being enough to have him back wrapped around your finger.

He pulled his finger out of you and returned his hand to your hip, pressing another kiss to your lips while you wrapped your legs around his waist to pull him closer.

“If we get caught, I’ll kill you.” He muttered against your lips, but all you could do was laugh.

“I love it when you talk dirty.” You joked, tugging on his hair slightly and successfully drawing a small moan from his lips, which only got you going even more.

Without another word and without ever breaking the kiss, you pushed him back by his chest so that you could stand up from his desk, and slowly started to push him back into the room.

Your breaths mixed together as you walked, or rather stumbled, across the floor. Finn’s hands moved to your back, gently brushing your hair out of the way to start untying the laces of your bra, all while your hands moved back to finish unbuttoning his waistcoat and shirt.

The articles of clothing fell to the floor in just a few seconds and you had to hold on to each other in order to not fall over on the boxes of paperwork Finn had sprawled over his office floor. 

You gripped at his bare shoulders as you changed direction, Finn now being the one to lead you over the room towards some unknown location while letting his hands travel your body.

You bumped into the corner of a table on the way and a sharp pain shot up the side of your thigh, but you couldn’t be bothered, only pulling him closer to your body. 

You turned around again so that you were leading, and just then, Finn’s foot got caught in something on the floor, sending him falling backward and you falling with him.

Luckily, his couch was there to save him, and you landed on his lap, straddling him. 

But even when you had tripped, you hadn’t broken the kiss once, only breaking apart for air for a second at a time before re-attaching your lips to each other’s, the kiss getting hotter and more desperate for every time.

You moved your hands away from his neck and back to the small of your back where you pulled down the zipper of your skirt, pulling it off and throwing it to the side.

Finn’s hands instantly moved to your butt, squeezing your flesh and pushing you down harder on his hardness, the feeling of the friction of his pants against your bare core drawing a moan from your lips.

You slowly grind down on him, your hands returning to his face as you attached your lips to his again after a second of air, and he instantly bucked his hips up to meet you, the feeling drawing another moan from you but also a small chuckle as it was now your turn to taunt him.

“Baby getting a bit needy?” You asked in a slight baby voice breaking apart from his lips.

He opened his eyes and glared at you, the darkness of his eyes causing the tingly feeling in your stomach to intensify. “Don’t tease me.” He muttered back, his jaw clenching as you ground down again.

You smirked, but wasted no time in reaching between you for his buckle, unbuckling and unbuttoning his pants and pulling them down, releasing his member into the chilly air.

He hissed at the feeling of your hand wrapping around it, his hands finding their way away from your ass to grip at your hips roughly as you wasted no time in lining him up at your entrance and sliding down on his length.

Your eyes closed at the feeling of him filling you up, and Finn’s head fell backward against the edge of the sofa, the hard grip he held on your hips only making the entire experience better for you.

Your heart instantly picked up speed and your entire core ached with desperateness as you were finally getting the release you had been yearning after for so long. 

Starting to move your hips in circular movements, Finn’s grip on your hips tightened and his head fell forward into the crook of your neck.

A moan left your lips as he moved one of his hands between your bodies and started rubbing at your most sensitive spot, and your hands moved up to his head to tug at his hair that was now beginning to get slightly curly with the sweat you were already building up.

Your mouth was starting to get dry from breathing so intensely, and in an attempt to wet it again, you moved your face down to Finn’s neck where you started placing kisses, licking and sucking at the spots you knew drove him absolutely crazy.

And that it did, his groans intensifying into your shoulder and his hands grabbing everywhere. 

You were both too horny and too desperate for your own good, moving faster and rougher than you ever had before in a way that almost made the whole experience animalistic.

Finn was so insanely needy, touch starved and submissive after barely having been paid any attention for weeks that he was a moaning and trembling mess under your touch as you rode him.

His hands moved from your hips and back to your ass, and you finally abandoned his neck that was now damp and hot with a mixture of his sweat and your saliva, your hands moving to grip at his shoulders as you quickened your pace.

By grabbing your ass, Finn then proceeded to add even more force to it by thrusting his own hips up to meet yours and pushing you down even harder, causing your head to fall back and your eyes to fall shut as you yelled out in pleasure.

“Oh, God, yes, just like that!” You moaned, sounding as if you were on the verge of crying with the intense amount of pleasure that rocked through your body at the feeling of him thrusting himself right into your sweet spot.

You moved up and down with furious motions and he met you halfway every time, his forehead now pressed against yours. You opened your eyes, to find that his were already open and staring at you through hooded lids and long eyelashes, the freckles on his face intensified ten times in his flustered state.

“Say my name.” He told you through heavy, ragged breaths, and you could slowly feel the familiar knot forming in the pit of your stomach at the sound of his raspy voice and the sight of his dark eyes staring into yours.

You opened your lips to do as you were told, but all you could do was moan loudly when he thrust into you again, your eyes squeezing shut and your head falling back as the knot got even tighter and tighter.

“Say my name.” Now he was more or less begging and judging by the way he was starting to shake beneath you, you knew he had to be just as close as you were.

“Finn.” You moaned out finally, one of your hands gripping at his shoulder and digging your nails into his skin while the other was tugging at his hair.

He groaned, the mixture of pleasure and pain getting him going even more, having you a moaning and trembling mess on top of him within the next few seconds.

“Don’t stop, Finn.” You moaned, tugging onto his hair even rougher and moving your hips furiously against his, your face burying into his neck. 

You moaned his name again, right by his ear, and that was enough to send him toppling over the edge, you not far behind and the two of you riding out your highs together.  

He twitched inside of you and you clenched around him, both of you moaning and groaning and holding each other close, which only made your orgasms even more intense and long-lasting. 

They must have lasted at least a minute before both of you fell limp where you sat, your chests heaving up and down and your skin sticking together with sweat and arousal.

You remained still for a moment, just catching your breaths and nuzzling each other’s necks while you regained some of your energy, before Finn finally moved you off of his lap so that he could get up.

He found his underwear right beneath the sofa and pulled it on, before venturing to the other side of his office, coming back seconds later with a towel.

Now laying down on your back in all your naked glory, you wasted no time in opening your legs for him once he got back to you, letting him clean you up from the mess he had made.

You scanned his face the entire time, smiling slightly at how concentrated he looked and absentmindedly playing around with the gold necklace around your neck.

A slight shiver went through your body at your core being exposed to the cold air in the room, goosebumps starting to spread over your body as the sweat also dried.

Once he was done, Finn tossed the rag to the floor and moved to sit back down, but stopped himself as he caught sight of his reflection in the painting above the sofa, turning his head to the side slightly and letting his long, slender fingers run over his neck for a moment.  

“You fucking branded me. I have marks everywhere.” He scoffed, glaring slightly and swallowing thickly.

But you only smiled proudly, watching your work with bright, playful eyes. “I regret nothing.”

He snorted, inspected himself for another few seconds before turning his attention back to you, parting your legs again so that he could kneel between them, his face coming up right above yours where you laid.

“You’re annoying.” He told you, shaking his head slightly, but all while brushing a piece of your damp hair out of your eyes, the other hand resting comfortably and innocently at your left breast.

You smiled, wrapping your legs around his torso and bringing your hands up to cradle his cheeks, bringing him closer to you. “But you love me.” You answered, pressing a light kiss to his lips.

He smiled into it, his hand stopping to play with your hair and instead coming to a rest on your cheek, cupping it. You held the kiss for a few seconds, lips just slowly moving together before you had to break apart for air.

Leaning his forehead against yours, he scanned your face with little to no emotion on his features, but his eyes glinting with playfulness as he answered. “Doesn’t make you any less annoying.”

You smiled, raising an eyebrow. “If you keep talking like that you might just have to fuck me another time.” You mumbled, gently scratching your nails over his scalp at the back of his head.

He shivered at the feeling and smiled, bringing his thumb up to pull it over your lower lip, his eyes gazing into yours. “Only you would get off by being insulted.”

Your gentle smile turned a playful smirk at that, your eyes mischievously looking into his. “Only by you, baby.” You responded innocently, pulling him down for another short kiss.

Once you broke apart again, he shook his head with a light laugh, but said nothing else, just getting up from the couch and pulling you up too, after which you helped each other get dressed and presentable, before walking out of his office and back to the Garrison hand in hand, finally, at least for the time being, satisfied.

[openheartchoices]

Fake (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Open Heart: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Olivia Summers)

Words: 4.9k words

Warnings: some family angst.

Summary: Olivia needs to prove to her family that she can, in fact, get a boyfriend. Even if it’s fake.

A/N: hi guys! So I took a month off from writing. It started because of some health issues, I’m perfectly fine now, but when I sat down to write, I decided to take more time off to get more inspiration and creativity flowing through me because it was nonexistent. However, I’m here now, and I have so much to get done, and I’m happy to be back! lots of love and happy reading! <3

“Does seven work? I figured that should be enough time for everyone to get settled in. I don't even know how you convinced Mom and Dad to come up here,” Olivia told her sister through the phone.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Octavia replied. “It wasn’t as hard as I thought it’d be. They complained about having to take time off from work, but I eventually talked them into it.” She paused for a minute. “Are you bringing anyone tonight?”

“To dinner?” Olivia asked. “Not that I’m aware of.”

“I just assumed you’d have a guy for us to meet. You haven’t introduced us to one since, how long ago? When you were in college?”

Olivia frowned. As much as she hated to admit it, her younger sister was right. The last guy that Olivia had brought home to meet her family was during her senior year of college. The guy had terrible manners, eyed Octavia the entire duration of dinner, and sneezed into her brother’s plate of food. Needless to say, she never brought him around again and broke up with him.

She’d been on a few dates through medical school, but it had never went anywhere. Olivia hadn’t even tried to put herself out there because of a certain doctor that she couldn’t, and didn’t, want to get rid of.

However, Olivia wasn’t going to let her family believe that she, at age twenty-eight, was unable to get a boyfriend. Octavia was already married with a daughter while her brother was about to graduate from college still in a steady relationship with the girl he had been dating since he was sixteen. She had to look like somewhat had her life together.

“I do have a boyfriend,” Olivia spoke up, hoping that this wouldn’t backfire on her. “It’s fairly new though.”

She could almost see Octavia’s amusement through the phone. “Really? Because I just asked if you were bringing anyone, and you said no.”

“This is a family dinner. You’re not even bringing your own husband, Octavia, and Oliver said that Camila wasn’t coming. I thought it was just going to be us.”

“My own husband isn’t coming, Olivia, because I have a baby at home that I don’t want to keep in the car for a long drive to Boston. Camila isn’t coming because she’s not even in the country right now. I’m pretty sure that everyone would be glad if you brought someone,” Octavia replied.

Olivia cleared her throat. “Well, he works a lot, and I didn’t give him any notice because I wasn’t aware this dinner was an excuse for everyone to harass me on my love life. He probably can’t make it.”

“Ask him anyway. Where does he work?”

Olivia froze. Where did her fake boyfriend work? What was a job that required many hours? She had to think of a profession quickly, but only one thing came to mind. “Um, Edenbrook.”

“Oh, he works with you? Well, what does he do?” Octavia was firing questions off left and right.

“He, uh, does what any doctor does, Octavia,” Olivia said, trying to keep herself calm.

She knew this probably wasn’t a good idea. Olivia knew she didn’t have a love life. The closest thing to a love life she had was Ethan who, might she add, had just gotten back from the Amazon, and he still hadn’t spoken more than a few formal and professional sentences to her.

Octavia wasn’t giving up though. “What’s his name?”

Before Olivia could think, she blurted out, “Ethan.”

“Great! I feel like I know him already,” Octavia teasingly said. “I’ll see both of you at dinner.”

Olivia couldn’t get another word in before Octavia ended the call. She looked around the locker room she stood in to make sure that no one else heard the phone call before running a hand through her hair.

She couldn’t believe she had just basically implied that she was dating her boss. Octavia would know she was lying if she showed up to dinner without a doctor named Ethan by her side, but Olivia also knew it was going to be entirely hard, and a little crazy, to get Ethan to come to a family dinner and pretend to be her boyfriend.

On another note, Ethan and Olivia weren’t even on good terms. Or at least that’s what Olivia thought. Ethan had disappeared without a word to the Amazon with zero contact the entire time he was gone. She had spoken to him briefly, but it was like he had put a wall up around himself.

Olivia glanced down to the time on her phone. Dinner was at seven, her shift had just ended, and she had two hours to get back to the apartment, get ready, and make it on time. The tricky part was going to be to ask Ethan to come to dinner with her.

She left the locker room having changed out of her scrubs. Wringing her hands nervously together and walking around, Olivia looked everywhere in an attempt to find her fake boyfriend, hoping that he was on the same floor currently and that she wouldn’t have to track him down or run to his office.

Luckily for her, she caught him coming out of a room and reviewing charts at the perfect time. Clearing her throat, she ran a hand through her messy hair and made her way over to him.

He still hadn’t noticed her, his eyes glued to the paper in front of him. “Dr. Ramsey, do you have a minute?”

Ethan glanced at her before closing the chart, giving Olivia his full attention. “What is it, Summers?”

People were walking all around them, making Olivia slightly nervous to ask him what she needed to. “Can we talk, like, not in the middle of everyone?”

He frowned and crossed his arms. “I don’t have time to-“

“Please?”

All it took was one look at her pleading face before Ethan sighed. “Fine. Lead the way.”

Olivia led him into the closest on-call room. The room was especially dark, and neither of them bothered to turn a light on. She turned to him, suddenly feeling even more nervous now that they were alone.

“What time is your shift over?”

Ethan glanced down at his watch. “Fifteen minutes ago. I was on my way to my office to get some work done before you dragged me in here.”

“Sorry,” she grimaced. “Do you have plans tonight?”

“I just told you I was going to do some work I’m behind on. Why?” He asked slowly, realizing that there was something going on that he didn’t know about.

Looking anywhere but his eyes, Olivia said, “Would you want to come to dinner with me tonight?”

Ethan, still not sure what was going on, raised his eyebrows, urging her to keep going.

“And my family?”

“Why do you want me to come to dinner with you and your family? I thought your family was in North Carolina. What are they doing in Boston?”

Olivia sighed. “They came to visit me. I sort of, maybe, kind of… told my sister I had a boyfriend.”

That caught his attention. “Since when do you have a boyfriend?”

“That’s the thing,” she continued. “I don’t. But I may or may not have told her that his name is Ethan, and he’s a doctor at Edenbrook, so it would be really great if you could, y’know, come to dinner, pretend to be my boyfriend for a little bit, and then we’ll never have to bring this up again.”

Ethan looked at the blonde doctor incredulously. “You told your sister that we’re dating?”

Olivia opened and closed her mouth a few times. “Well, I- not exactly. She doesn’t know who you are.” She took one more look at Ethan’s face before deciding to not defend herself further. “Okay, yeah, I told my sister that we’re dating.”

“Why would you tell your sister that we’re together? Olivia, you can’t live out a lie,” Ethan scolded her, making her start to feel guilty. “A small lie always turns into an even bigger lie."

Olivia bit her lip. “I haven’t had one good thing to tell my family about since I started working here. My sister’s been married for a year and just had a baby. My brother will be graduating from Columbia which is the same school my grandfather and my dad went to. It’s a big deal in our house. I know that lying to my family isn’t okay, but I need something to look like I’m not a major loser and that I have something good going for me besides work.”

Ethan still hadn’t said anything which was making Olivia worried. The last thing she wanted to do was tell her sister she was, indeed, lying. If Ethan didn’t come to this dinner and pretend just for her, she didn’t know what she going to do.

She stepped closer, laid a hand on his chest, and looked up at him. “Please, Ethan?”

The older doctor sighed. Olivia couldn’t tell what was going on his mind until he removed her hand and stepped back, clearing his throat. “You shouldn’t have to lie to your family. Just tell them it was a misunderstanding. They’re your family. They’ll understand if you tell them what you just told me.”

Olivia huffed. “Okay, I understand. I’ll just go ask Bryce to pretend his name is Ethan for the night. I’m sure he’d be more than willing to help me out. Have a great rest of your day, Dr. Ramsey.”

Olivia walked around him with a smirk on her face that she hid from him. In her head, she counted down the seconds until he finally yelled out, “Wait.”

With her hand wrapped around the door knob, she kept her back to him. “Yes?”

“Lahela is not going to pretend to be me. I’ll go to the dinner, but this is a one-time thing, Rookie.”

Olivia grinned as she turned around. She knew pulling the Bryce card would work. “Thank you so much. Can you pick me up? We’ll look more legit if we show up together.”

“I can do that,” Ethan sighed, still not liking the idea of lying. “What time?”

“Around six forty. The restaurant is just a few minutes down the road from my apartment. Can you text me when you get there? Sienna, Elijah, Jackie, and Aurora are all working tonight, and I’m particularly terrible at hearing anyone outside.”

Grimacing, Ethan said, “I hate texting.”

“Then call me, email me, or whatever, but know that I really appreciate this, Ethan. I’m just asking for tonight,” she said softly.

She wouldn’t lie and say that a small part of her wasn’t overjoyed with the fact that she was going to get to pretend she was dating Ethan Ramsey. Many people would be overjoyed with the situation she was in. It somehow felt real to her even though it was so far from being reality.

However, for the night, she could pretend that this was her life.

**

“Shoes, shoes, shoes. Where did I put my shoes?” Olivia frantically muttered to herself, pacing all around her bedroom in an attempt to find the wedges she had thought she laid on her bed only minutes earlier.

After finally finding them, she slipped them on with ease as her phone dinged. Olivia assumed it was Ethan, but then again, he did hate texting. With one quick glance to her phone that laid beside her, she did read a short text from Ethan saying he was outside.

She took one more good, quick glance in the mirror. Olivia did have to admit that she had outdone herself. Dinner was at a new Italian restaurant that wasn’t relatively a place that required a lot of effort on appearance. However, she did want to look nice considering everything including not only impressing her parents, but Ethan as well.

Olivia rushed out of her bedroom to open the apartment door with ease. Ethan stood outside, his left hand fumbling over the sleeve of his sweater. He glanced up when she finally opened the door. “Ready?”

She nodded as they stepped outside. Olivia locked the door back before dropping her keys down into her purse. “Let’s go.”

“You, uh, look nice,” Ethan awkwardly commented.

Olivia grinned. “Thanks. You look nice, too.”

Olivia was a little proud of herself. In record time, she had managed to pull together a cute outfit consisting of a light pink dress and a thick, white cardigan over it to shield her from the cold January air. She had straightened her hair rather than curl it as usual, and surprisingly, she didn’t hate it.

Another thing she found that she didn’t hate was Ethan opening up her car door. She gave him a confused look, but smiled nonetheless. “Well, thanks. Do you know how long it’s been since someone has opened a car door for me?”

He laughed. “No, I don’t.”

Olivia settled into the leather seat as she rubbed her cold hands together in an attempt to get some blood flowing to them. She unlocked her phone to reveal a missed call from Octavia and then a text from her that told Olivia that she was almost there.

“So,” Ethan said as he started up the car, “tell me what I need to know.”

Olivia furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

He started backing up. “If I’m going to be your fake boyfriend, I’m going to need to know your family.”

“Um, there’s my sister, Octavia. She’s three years younger than me. She’s a teacher, married, and just had a baby. Then there’s my brother, Oliver. He’s a senior at Columbia and majoring in political science. My mom’s a photographer and my dad is a lawyer,” she told him. “Oh, and they don’t know about my hearing that happened a while back, so please don’t bring that up. Also, don’t mention that you’re my boss. Oh! And don’t tell them-“

“Okay!” He cut her off. “I get it. So basically, don’t bring up anything that would make them frown upon you?”

“Yes! Exactly,” Olivia replied, patting his on the shoulder. “That’s exactly right.”

“Why didn’t you tell them about your hearing?” He asked, glancing over at her out of the corner of his eye.

Olivia sighed. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just that I’ve brought them nothing but bad news for years. If they found out about what a mess my intern year was then it would be nothing but more disappointment from them. I’m tired of never giving them anything good.”

“It’s not bad news. You have bad days and bad times. It’s what makes you human. You can’t be perfect.”

“That’s coming from someone who’s practically perfect himself,” Olivia pointed out.

Ethan laughed. “I’m far from perfect. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. You have your whole life and your whole career ahead of you, Liv. It’s okay to make mistakes. Live a little instead of caring about what everyone thinks about you.”

A moment of silence passed by as Olivia sat in the passenger seat, looking out the window at the passing town and not saying a word until warmth flashed through her hand that rested on the edge of her seat. She didn’t even have to look down because she already knew what the warmth was.

“We aren’t in public yet. You don’t have to hold my hand,” she joked.

“I know. I just want to.”

Olivia turned her head while biting back the large smile growing on her face. However, she couldn’t hold it in. Even if the circumstances were a little odd, this was all Olivia wanted out of the doctor sitting across from her. She knew he wanted it, too, even if he was less vocal about it. Actions spoke louder than words, and that’s what Olivia gathered from Ethan in the time she had known him.

“That’s it up ahead,” Olivia told him. “Turn right.”

Ethan pulled into the restaurant, reluctantly letting go of Olivia hand. He looked over to Olivia who he could tell was silently flipping out. “Olivia?”

“Yes?”

“Are we going to go inside or just sit here?”

She pondered for a moment. “We could just sit here.”

Olivia eventually did get out of the car, her arms wrapped tightly around her midsection. She walked alongside Ethan in the dark into the bright room of the restaurant, trying her hardest to not let her nerves get the best of her.

Frowning, Ethan asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just haven’t seen my parents since my medical school graduation. Just flipping out a little bit. I’m fine,” Olivia rambled.

She hadn’t been home to see her parents since making the move to Boston while her parents hadn’t been to Boston to see her since she had moved. Olivia had seen her sister who made sure to come visit every so often while she saw her brother quite often considering he was just a few hours away at Columbia.

Her and her parents rarely kept in touch. A few awkward phone calls, texts, and emails here and there, but it was only ever Olivia making the effort to keep in touch. She was sure that if she stopped reaching out to them, they’d never talk to her again.

Spotting her sister’s dyed, chestnut hair, her brother’s messy blonde curls, and two strict faces, Olivia knew that was the table she had been looking for. Reluctantly, she grabbed Ethan’s hand, leading him on the way over.

Her sister was the first to notice Olivia when she finally got to the table. Octavia jumped up out of her seat sporting a large grin on her face as her arms wrapped tightly around her big sister. “It’s so good to see you!”

Olivia pulled away from her sister and smiled. “Your hair looks so good in person. I love it.”

“Thank you. It took many appointments to get it to this color, but I love it,” Octavia replied before her eyes darted over to Ethan who stood behind Olivia. She looked to Olivia with excitement, lowering her voice. “I thought you were just making him up. I approve already. Just look at the way he’s standing. He’s very attractive. You did really well on-“

“Okay, Octavia,” Olivia cut her off with a chuckle, “you’re married with a baby, for one, and two, I was not making him up. He’s very real.”

Octavia threw her hands up in surrender. “Okay, fine.”

Oliver was the next to throw Olivia into a warm hug. “Good to see you, Liv.”

Olivia repeated the same before pulling back from her brother. She cleared her throat in an attempt to get her family’s attention. “I have someone I’d like for you all to meet. This is Ethan.”

She pulled at Ethan’s arm to guide him up to stand beside her. With his hands in his pockets, he announced. “It’s really nice to meet Olivia’s family after hearing her talk so much about you all.”

Olivia had to admit that she was impressed. He was really playing the fake boyfriend card well for not wanting to do it in the first place.

Ethan shook hands with Oliver, but Octavia pulled him into a hug while muttering something along the lines of him practically being family. Olivia wanted to dig herself into a hole at how uncomfortable Ethan probably was.

However, Ethan didn’t seem to be uncomfortable, just a little surprised, as he returned Octavia’s hug. Olivia’s parents still hadn’t said a word, but both smiled, which was surprising to Olivia, before both shaking his hand as well.

Olivia and Ethan sat down at the two empty seats across her Olivia’s parents. Octavia sat at one head of the table while Oliver sat at the other while looking at the menu.

“How are you, Olivia? You haven’t called in a while, and the last time you called, you sure didn’t mention a boyfriend,” her mother said smoothly, giving Olivia a small smile.

“Just busy, Mom,” Olivia replied. “I have a job that doesn’t give me a lot of free time.”

“Your daughter is an incredible doctor. She’s truly the bright future of Edenbrook,” Ethan piped in.

Olivia laughed gently. “You tell that to everyone.”

“Because it’s true,” he said with a soft smile, looking straight into her eyes.

Olivia thought her heart was going to stop with the look he gave her. She wasn’t sure if this was just him pretending or him being one hundred percent serious. It didn’t matter though because in that moment, Olivia felt like her and Ethan were the only people in the room.

After everyone had ordered their food and received their drinks, Octavia turned her attention on Ethan. “So how did you and Olivia meet?”

Olivia froze. She hadn’t thought to come up with a backstory of their fake relationship to Ethan. She silently prayed that he wouldn’t blank up. Ethan was good under pressure, so she shouldn’t have worried, but she really couldn’t help it.

“On her first day, she ran over to help me with a patient that had fallen unconscious to the floor. We ended up performing an emergency surgical procedure. I told her that her examination was superficial and slow,” Ethan laughed.

Olivia grinned, knowing he was telling the real story of how they met. “If I remember correctly, you also told me that my scalpel technique was ‘amateur at best’ to which I confronted you about it.”

“Yeah, I did say that, but Olivia’s come a long way since that day. She’s passionate about her work, and it’s very obvious.”

Before Olivia could say anything else, her father jumped in on the conversation. “Did you always know you wanted to be a doctor, Ethan?”

“Not always. I wanted to be a detective for a while.”

“I always told Olivia she didn’t need to be a doctor. She constantly changed her mind about what she wanted to be. Now, Oliver has always known he’s wanted to be a lawyer while Octavia has always known that teaching was what she wanted to do with her life. Olivia, well, she jumped around a lot,” her dad replied.

Ethan frowned as his eyes glanced all around the table while no one said anything. For one of the first times, Ethan couldn’t read the look on Olivia’s face. She sat completely silent, her hands fiddling with the end of her cardigan under the table.

He slowly grabbed her hand under the table, intertwined their fingers, and squeezed her hand in an effort to tell her that it was okay. Olivia, obviously grateful, squeezed back in return while their hands still laid intertwined on Olivia’s lap.

“I didn’t know, Dad, because you and Mom were pressuring me into following in Dad’s footsteps from as early as middle school. Being a doctor is what I’ve always wanted to do. I just didn’t know if I should listen to you and Mom or listen to myself for once in my life,” Olivia replied cooly, taking a sip of her water and leaning back into her chair.

Olivia’s mom nodded. “We pushed you to be the best version of yourself, Olivia. It was never meant to be something bad to make you upset. We had so much faith in you. At least Oliver carried out your dad’s legacy.”

Ethan’s eyes went wide as the entire table went silent. Anger filled him as he realized no one was going to say anything. Not even Olivia as she sunk deeper into her seat, her hair falling from being tucked behind her ears.

“Can you both just stop?” Olivia asked. “I am happy with how my life has turned out. I didn’t do it to make either of you happy. I did it for me and the opportunity to help people. Can we just have a nice dinner and not bring up how disappointed you are in me for going into a career that I have so much passion for instead of a career that I was never interested in doing in the slightest bit?”

“It’s not that we’re disappointed that you became a doctor. It’s that you were supposed to take over my firm once I retired. It was always the plan,” her dad said. “But I knew that plan was over when you got rejected from Columbia.”

“Dad, stop,” Oliver cut in. “That’s low.”

The waiter brought out the appetizers as Olivia stood up, her hand jerking from Ethan’s and all eyes on her. “Stop treating me like I’m some kind of disappointment. This is why I don’t come back home to visit. I’m going to my apartment. Have a nice night or don’t. I could care less.”

Before anyone could say anything, Olivia was already on her way to the front door. She opened it and slammed it with force. Ethan turned back to the family sitting around the table. Oliver was glaring at his father while Octavia sat with a hand on her head, avoiding any eye contact.

“You two always do this,” Octavia said quietly, finally looking up to talk to her parents. “You start up a ridiculous fight because you’re mad Olivia didn’t do what you wanted her to and then you run her away.”

“He never told her she had to leave,” her mother spoke up. “Olivia just takes this stuff to heart.”

Ethan had already had enough. He was the next to stand up, glaring at both of Olivia’s parents. “You have an amazingly brilliant, extremely gifted, and incredibly kind daughter with a big heart that sees nothing but the good in everyone. If you’d take the time to look over the fact she did what she wanted to do with her life, you’d see how special she really is. Instead of doing that, you overlook her because you’re angry she isn’t didn’t do what her father did. And, in all honesty, I can see why she wouldn’t want to carry on the family legacy, no offense, Oliver.”

“None taken,” Oliver piped in.

“The next time you want to ridicule your daughter and degrade her for no big deal, think about what you’re doing. Olivia is a kind and forgiving person, but there’s only so much you can throw her way until you’ve destroyed what’s left of your relationship with her.” With that, Ethan turned his back to the table, walking briskly to get outside and find Olivia.

He did find Olivia after searching the entire parking lot and his car for her. She was walking up the alongside the road, her hair blowing from the cold air with her arms crossed.

“Where are you going?” He asked when he had finally caught up with her.

“I’m walking home,” she responded.

Ethan grabbed her wrist, making her come to a complete stop and turn around slowly. “Let’s go back to my car. I’ll drive you home and- wait, hey, don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying,” Olivia muttered, angrily reaching up to wipe away a tear.

“They’re not worth it, and they sure aren’t worthy of your tears, okay?” Ethan softly told her.

Ethan slowly initiated a hug, wrapping his arms around Olivia’s waist as she eventually gave in with one arm around his neck and the other under his arm, gripping the soft fabric of his sweater. She didn’t sob or scream, but rather quietly cried and basked in the comfort of the doctor in front of her.

“It isn’t fair,” Olivia whispered. “It’s been like this for as long as I can remember. I never do anything right in their eyes. I just want to be good enough for them, Ethan. Why can’t I be? I don’t get it.”

“It isn’t you, Liv. It’s them. You’re more than good enough for them. Don’t let them affect you like that. And just in case you haven’t heard it in a while, I’m proud of you for everything. Including standing up to your parents tonight,” he said.

Olivia sniffled and pulled back to look Ethan in the eyes. “Thank you. And thank you for doing this even though it was a bit of a mess. You didn’t even get to eat.”

He laughed and gave Olivia a grin. “Well, we could go back to my car instead of walking to your apartment in the middle of January, then we can go get something to eat with just us.”

“I would very much like that.”

There was still a lot to discuss between the two of them, Olivia knew that, but she held on to the bubble they were in. Talking about them would come later. But for the rest of the night, Olivia was going to go with her fake boyfriend and pretend, just for tonight, that it was reality instead of something nonexistent.

tags: @kaavyaethanramsey​ @nooruleman​ @openheart12​ @missmiimiie​ @bellcat2010​ @perriewinklenerdie​ @ethandaddyramsey​ @trappedinfandoms​ @queencarb​

[littlemisssquiggles]

...So about the ORNJ_JNPR T-shirt thing...

daggerpawstudios asked

“Okay I am the only confused by all the hate that Oscar is getting right now because they dropped some new merch at the RT Store. I am not sure if you heard that Team JNPR got called Team ORNJ on the new shirt. I feel like this is kind of a mistake on the marketing team's part and not really CRWBY. But now a lot of people are attacking RG shippers and Oscar fans and I don't really understand because it seems more like fragile egos”

Squiggles Answers:

@daggerpawstudios​

Hey there Dagger. Well to be honest with you fam, this squiggle meister has sort of been out of the RWBY loop for the past few months. Got a work project so I haven’t been as active as I normally would be in my squiggle shire here on Tumblr.

Nevertheless, I did sort of know about the shirt thing. I first heard the news from a tweet from RWBY Youtuber Calxiyn it over on Twitter. I then saw RWBY Youtuber ThatKaitoDan mention Oscar replacing Jaune as leader of Team JNPR in his own tweet post as well but I didn’t know the full context of what he meant by that until you brought this to my attention.

I didn’t know that RT had actually listed the shirt as Team ORNJ which in their case is…well…a big OOF on their part. Personally, I don’t think this is something that folks in the FNDM should be making a big hullabaloo about. I think it’s an obvious PR mistake on the marketing department who run the RT store releases since no offense to RT and whoever is in charge of promotion on their online store but…their record of “getting things right” their store especially with the FNDM hasn’t exactly been squeaky clean in the past.

Besides, another obvious giveaway to me as to why I think it’s more likely to be a minor error is the very fact that Jaune’s silhouette is still first in line.

Think about it. If Oscar had really usurped Jaune as leader of the team then why isn’t his silhouette first in the line up? 

Isn’t it not a golden rule of thumb that the leaders of each huntsmen team always appear first in the team line-up whenever they do the silhouette thing as we’ve seen previously with teams like RWBY and even the Ace Ops? 

Anyone with decent vision can clearly see that that’s Jaune’s silhouette at the front of the line. Not Oscar. If Oscar was truly the new leader of the team then why is he the third silhouette? 

If thing had really turned ORNJ, then the order should be Oscar, Ren, Nora and finally Jaune. But as you can clearly see, the order is Jaune, Ren, Oscar and Nora.----THE SAME ORDER THAT WAS FEATURED IN THE VOLUME 7 OPENING! Or did folks…y’know…forget that? 

I know V7 ended earlier in the year but have folks forgotten the season already with its opening sequence? After Team RWBY, we got the JNPR 2.0 gang and the order in which JNR and Oscar appear matches the T-shirt with Jaune being first, then Ren, then Oscar and finally Nora. So there you go. 

So I wouldn't worry too much about that Dagger. I agree with you in thinking that it was a simple error made by the RT store. However, that being said, the other part about people stirring discourse over this and worst yet attacking the Pinehead and Rosegarden community over this…do I even need to say how silly that sounds.

Much like with the ridiculous discourse that arose after the small Rosegarden moment in V7CH9, this is yet another classic example of certain-certain folks literally scraping the bottom of the barrel and using any excuse they could find to harp on something they don't like while unfairly accosting the people who do.

I feel really bad for my fellow Pineheads, Rosegardeners and Rosegardening Pineheads who were victims of this time of foolishness. Because that's what this all sounds like to my ears. Foolish fools acting foolish yet again.

Seriously, what does Oscar as a character or even Rosegarden as a ship have to do with something that was posted by the RT store and is clearly an error made by the people who run it?

Are certain-certain folks truly that desperate to stir up drama and conflict that they would honestly seep so low as to use a T-shirt design as fuel for an easy argument?

The Pinehead, Rosegarden and Rosegardening Pinehead communities get enough flak as it is but this is just...beyond silly!

I'm not implying that the hate brigade should train their anger on RT but how silly can you be to take something as a T-shirt design to that level of seriousness? Especially when the design more or less outs its own error. Am I missing something here? Is there another unknown part to this where the CRWBY Writers came out and confirmed that this is legit? Because otherwise, this is just…so…LIKE SERIOUSLY DUDE?!

I like RWBY a lot and in spite of my own personal gripes and nit-picks with the direction of the show at times in terms of its writing and treatment of the characters and their respective relationships and arcs---in spite of all that, I still actively enjoy the show and I’m still invested in seeing where the CRWBY Writers take it to the very end. However I’d be lying if all the constant discourse from the more “toxic” side of FNDM isn’t slowly starting to chip away at my excitement for the series. I can live with RWBY having flaws but what I don’t need are folks constantly going out of their way to use any excuse they could to express their own personal gripes with show; going as far as to abuse others in the process. That kind of stuff isn’t cool and it’s not good to witness through the eyes of someone who wants to enjoy the show or is at least trying to...y’know what I mean?

When I first heard the news of the JNPR shirts, I was excited. Not only is this the first merch we’ve gotten of JNPR in some time but it’s also the second merch to feature Oscar.

In case folks don’t realize, Oscar doesn’t have a lot of his own merchandise sold by RT which sucks for us Pineheads.

At least the OG JNPR/JNR have a couple of merchandise (albeit not as popular or abundant as Team RWBY’s but still there). 

But Oscar…not so much and the same can be said for Ozpin too.  It took RT six whole seasons to release ONE T-SHIRT DESIGN with Oscar and Oz on the front and even that was sort of short-lived since I don’t see that shirt advertising in the store anymore. It’s always the same ole Team RWBY stuff.

So with that in mind, this shirt was a first and a given. It’s so great to see Oscar together with JNR on a shirt because in a way, it makes it more official that he is a member of their group especially for those of us who were rooting for this to happen since V5.

I still don’t think it means that he is the leader because as I’ll say again, look at the order on the shirt design. Oscar is third. Right where Pyrhha used to be. How can he be leader and be third in the line-up? Oscar is meant to replace Pyrhha, not Jaune. 

In the case of this whole ORNJ JNPR T-shirt scandal, I don’t understand how on Earth a clear marketing typo could reach as far as to spark discourse for a fictional character of a series, his fans and the fans of one of his ships? AGAIN!

What does Team JNPR (or whatever they will be called) being miswritten as Team ORNJ has to do with us Pineheads, Rosegardeners and Rosegardening Pineheads? How are we as a fan community responsible for an error made by RT?

Even if there are Pineheads who think this should be official--NOT speaking for myself here but I have seen other Pineheads express their desire to see Oscar lead JNPR for their own reasons---still, this is no excuse to harp on someone for liking it just because you don’t.

You’re right Dagger; this doesn’t make sense to me either.

All I can say is that it is what is it. Another example of certain-certain folks using any excuse to harp on something they don’t like while trying to drag others down with them and/or ruin their good vibes. 

Seriously these types of folks are honestly scraping at the bottom of the barrel. I’m surprised they’re still able to see after sinking so low with their foolishness. If that sounds a bit too harsh then sorry; not sorry. 

Ever since the whole discourse over the minor Rosegarden moment for V7CH9, I have lost all patience with these types of fans. I honestly find them to be as dumb as their behaviour and it exhausts me just hearing about them and their nonsense. 

Losing their marbles and attacking my people over a bloody T-shirt error that ain’t got nothing to do with us.

SO...DAMN...SILLY!

I hope RT clears this up at some point. And even if they don’t, I really don’t see why people should believe this means anything. I certainly don’t.

Not like I want that to happen either. In my opinion, I was never in favour of ORNJ---at least, not right now when Oscar is still a teenager growing into his duties and responsibilities as a huntsman. To me, I only like the idea of Team ORNJ from the perspective of Jaune retiring/stepping down from his role as leader of a huntsman team; instead choosing to pass the torch onto Oscar after the former farm boy had matured into a fine huntsman under his team’s guidance and after proving himself in the eyes of his teammates, especially Jaune. 

Y’know that kind of idea. 

This is why I always referred to JNR and Oscar as JNPR 2.0. I want JNR to become Oscar’s team and surrogate brothers and sister in arms. I want Oscar and Jaune to have a close big brother-little brother type of dynamic where Oscar admires Jaune’s strength and leadership and looks up to him alot as both a close confidant (much like Ruby) and teammate while Jaune himself admires Oscar’s tenacity after everything he’s been through while making it his role to look out for him along with Nora and Ren.  

This doesn’t mean I want Oscar to replace Jaune as team leader nor do I think he should.

I’ve heard some folks rationalize that Oscar should lead JNR since he is Ozpin’s successor. Nothing against the folks who like this concept but if I were to add my $2.50 to this, I don’t think Oscar being Oz’s successor should automatically qualify him to take over JNR; y’know what I mean?

Jaune earned his place as leader of JNPR after proving his talent for leadership back in V1. 

The only time that Jaune took a step back was when Ruby led the group as RNJR between V4 and V5 since at the time, the trio were aiding Ruby with her objective to get to Mistral, as Ren said. But even then, Jaune was still a leader and  backed up Ruby’s calls with his own strategies. 

Not to mention that folks seem to be forgetting that Ozpin was the one who chose Jaune to lead JNPR.

Though we never got a scene of Jaune confronting Oz on his decision to make him team leader like we did with Ruby Rose in “The Badge and the Burden” episode (I think that was the title. Correct me if I’m wrong), much like Ruby, Oz picked Jaune and was of sound mind when he did. Oz picked Jaune to lead since despite his past hiccups and shortcomings, he saw that Jaune also had the makings of a great leader as shown during JNPR’s first fight against the Deathstalker.

So the whole notion of Oscar getting to be leader of JNR  JUST BECAUSE he’s Oz’s successor EVEN THOUGH it was Oz’s decision to choose Jaune to be leader of JNPR in the first place---yeah that doesn’t sit right with me. 

Jaune is meant to be a leader and JNPR is his team to lead; even with Oscar joining it. Sorry ORNJ-fans. But that’s where I stand on that. 

Anyways, that’s all I have to say on this subject. I hope I answered you Dagger.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2020)

[purplesurveys]

1024

What would you say is your favorite food? Sushi. < Ahhh, this is a good one. My favorite is down to a tie: it’s either chicken curry or burgers.

What color eyes does the person you like / love have? Are they pretty? Dark brown. I’m not too sure what the second question is referring to but yeah, she and her eyes are both pretty.

What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Hi-5, omg. That show was my life in preschool and I always watched the 12 NN replay as soon as I got back home from school, back when I was still on a half-day sched. I was so hooked I remember having legit tantrums before starting Grade 1 because grade school meant full days in school and thus having to miss out on the show entirely.

Do you like Mexican food or any other foreign foods? For sure. All my favorites are Asian (Indian, Japanese, Indonesian, Chinese, etc.) but I also enjoy Italian, Mexican, Greek etc cuisines. I generally haven’t tried African cuisines but I really, really want to.

What color is the keyboard you are currently using? The keys are black with white lettering.

Do you own any of those ‘chunky’ and cute rings? Nope, not my style.

What are you planning on eating for dinner tonight if you haven’t already? I saw my dad cooking up something deep-fried; it was like his own version of katsu or something, or maybe it’s fish fillet? I’m not too sure what it is yet but I’m excited and will probably eat lots of it as I skipped all my meals and have only been running on coffee and vape all day - not good.

Do you own an iPod or MP3 player? If so, when did you get it? Technically I still do. Haven’t used it since high school. I got it when I was 10 back in ‘08; I was envious of the kids in school who had iPods, so I asked my dad to buy me one even though I wasn’t super into music at the time. Not the best kid in the world.

When was the last time someone took your picture? Last Saturday when my package came. Apparently online deliveries now require your photo to be taken upon receiving your package and I think it’s for the seller to keep track of their transactions. I’m not a big fan of the new procedure, but it’s whatevs.

Would you rather write a report or type it on a computer? Type. 

What color was the last jacket or hoodie you wore? Gray.

Do you receive more compliments or insults on a daily basis? Neither, really. I haven’t been talking to people a lot; and when I do it’s for work, where I receive neither compliments nor insults.

Who is the lead actress / actor from your absolute favorite movie? Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney, or Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

Can you recite the alphabet backward? [continued from last night] Slowly, but I’m sure I can finish it.

Do you eat chili when you get a hotdog, or do you like it plain? We don’t do hotdogs with chili here. I generally don’t see chili much where I live and I wouldn’t call it a common dish.

Would you say it’s easy for people to make you smile or laugh? At first I thought it was, but I’m slowly realizing that it isn’t.

What would you say is your favorite cereal, if you even like it? Cookie Crisp is the only one I like. I don’t have cereal often.

When was the last time you went on vacation? Where was it? It was a quick weekend getaway to Tagaytay and then Cavite, if it counts.

How many states have you been to in your lifetime? Zero.

Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? Yep, especially with Andi and Angela.

Have you ever been an outcast at your school or anywhere else? I was definitely one in early grade school, and again in Grade 6 when both my closest friends migrated in a span of six months, and I spent nearly all my lunch periods alone. Looking back on it, I’m really glad I powered through and made it here because I truly wasn’t happy at the time.

Do you own any dresses? If so, what colors are they? I have lots of sundresses and little black dresses because I was into those for a very long time at one point. Some of them are black, obviously, but I also have dresses in blue, maroon, and olive.

Would you say you drink more pop / soda than you should? I never drink soda as I’ve always felt like I spend more time complaining about how drinking it feels like burning my tongue and throat than actually enjoying it.

Would you rather have orange juice or milk with your breakfast? Water.

How many different colors has your bedroom been painted? Just one. The walls have been white ever since we moved here 12 years ago.

Do you cuss? If so, do you ever cuss in front of your parents? I’ll slip in front of them sometimes but I never get in trouble for it anymore.

Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? Our humor together can be raunchy sometimes but I don’t think I’d ever do this. I dunno if she wants to hear I’ve had sex with a girl either.

Is there anyone out there who can make you cry very easily? Yes.

What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? *In the last week, hearing about the typhoon’s effects in other cities didn’t feel good. This entire country is literally only getting by with donations from the private sector because the government isn’t doing shit for cities and families who got severely affected by the typhoon; it’s almost depressing to hear and read about.

Have you ever been in a car wreck? I’ve been in minor car accidents but it would be too much to call any of them car wrecks. They had all just been tiny bumps or thuds.

Do you have your ears pierced? If not, what do you have pierced? Yes, my mom had my earlobes pierced when I was an infant. I don’t plan on getting any more new ones as I’m not really into piercings.

Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? Nope.

What is your biggest pet peeve? When people reach out first via text/IM then even if I get back to them in 5–10 seconds, it takes them a long time to get back to me. It’s especially annoying if they classify it as urgent, I drop everything to reply quickly, then they end up disappearing. Like why?

Do a lot of people understand you completely? Who does exactly? No, I like keeping a wall up. 

Would you say you’re really good at cooking and baking things? Haha no. But it’s something I want to be skilled in, definitely. I’d love to be able to make the food I usually just thirst over on the internet. I’m taking baby steps, like figuring out how to make certain sandwiches, but I have a long way to go before I can consider myself any good.

How is the weather outside right this second? It’s been a little cloudy this morning but it might start to get fair seeing how I’m beginning to see the sky turn blue. I’m just hoping there won’t be too much sun, period.

Do you have a lot of trees around your house? What about buildings? No buildings as I live in a gated village. We have a number of trees around, but I wouldn’t call it ‘a lot.’

Would you say either one of your parents are 'pack-rats?’ No. I have that title, and I believe I inherited it from my great-grandmother who was a bit of a pack rat herself, as I’ve been told.

Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? Kinda. I don’t associate with one of my uncles because he has a terrible drinking issue that he never got to permanently fix. Whenever I see him at family gatherings he just smells like stale gin or whatever it is he drinks, and it just ruins the essence of family reunions for me. As recent as Christmas Day last year he drove drunk and crashed into a car with an entire family, but as always his ass got lucky because 1) no one in the family got hurt, and 2) said family let go of the lawsuit they were planning to file against him.

Have you ever seen That 70’s Show? Do you watch it regularly? I tried watching the first episode but genuinely could not find it entertaining for the life of me. Sorry, Mila :(

If you could choose, what decade would you rather live in? I never really think about revisiting decades - they’re already behind, so what’s the point? As bad as the 2020s have been looking, I’m okay with staying here.

How often would you say you get sick? Once a year at most.

Is there anyone out there who has hurt you so much, you wish they’d die? I used to wish they would die, but I don’t feel that way anymore.

Has anyone ever called you a socio-path before? I don’t think so.

When was the last time you watched a movie in theaters? December.

Have you ever moved to a completely different state before? We’ve moved to different regions before.

Do you mind it when surveys ask you really personal questions? No. Isn’t that part of the point of surveys?

When was the last time you told someone you love them? Thursday or Friday I think, when Andi said it to me first and I said it back. I wasn’t having a good day and they were just looking out.

Which one would you like more: kiss on cheek / kiss on neck? Depends on my mood. Right now a kiss on the cheek sounds nice.

Does it bother you when people steal your stuff on MySpace? This never happened to me because I had Myspace for such a short time and I never caught it at its peak. Also, how do people steal your stuff over there? That’s pretty intriguing lmao

Do you have freckles? Do you like / dislike them? I don’t have any.

Who would you say is the best actor / or actress in your opinion? My biased ass would rally for Kate Winslet all the way, but some other great ones for me are Toni Collette, Emma Stone, Jodie Foster, and Natalie Portman.

How many times have you been drunk in your life? Many.

What would you do if the last person you kissed said they hated you? Be confused and ask them to give me a few concrete reasons. I don’t think too highly of myself, but I know I’ve never done anything to make me deserving of hate, especially with regard to us.

Do you ever think you might be pregnant? No, it has never been a worry of mine.

When was the last time you acted really immature? The weekend.

Do you enjoy watching comedies or horror movies more? Horror. I never watch comedies and the only subtype of it that I watch is romcom.

As a child, did you ever have an imaginary friend? Yeah but it lasted all of five minutes until I got bored with the concept.

Does anyone call you baby? Who would that be? No.

Can you rely on one or more people to take up for you? I have no idea what take up means. If this also means ‘stand up for me,’ then yeah I can.

[talesofstyles]

Mates

Hello! What have we got here? A best friend!H. Does it have smut? Yes ma’am. Have I ever written smut before? Absolutely not. Do I want to run and hide in the darkest deepest part of the earth after writing this? YES. 

Bless @waitingfortwilight (+for proofreading it!) and @all-things-fic because they’re most likely sick of hearing me talking about this in our group chat for the past few weeks, but hey it’s done now ;) also to @harrysdimplles for being excited with me!

Hope you like it and tell me what you think! xx

It was around six thirty in the morning when Harry woke up. He is one of the ten percent of the global population who are morning larks. He absolutely loves waking up early in the morning and almost never stays in bed past eight.

Meanwhile, you are the complete opposite. You are truly, definitely, utterly, completely, absolutely not a morning person. You hate waking up in the morning. You always set your alarm ten minutes before the actual time you need to get up so that you’ve got time to be pissed in bed because you have to wake up. Poor Harry made the mistake of waking you up early in the morning, thinking you’d join him for a morning run a week after both of you had settled into your new shared flat, and boy did he regret that decision. You’d given him a right bollocking, and sulked around like a stroppy child for the rest of the day.

You were never a morning person, so that was why Harry was confused when he heard sounds coming from the kitchen as he walked through to make himself a cup of coffee. He was looking down, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes as he entered the kitchen, so he didn’t realise the tall figure stirring coffee in the mug next to him wasn’t you.

“Morning mate,” greeted the man before he took a sip of his coffee.

Harry mumbled in response before it was cut with a yawn. “Mor- whoa,” he raised his palm to make a stop sign, and continued after he finished yawning. “You don’t live here.”

“Uh,” awkward silence filled the kitchen. “I don’t.”

“What are you doing here?” He knew it was a stupid question, but that somehow didn’t stop him from asking.

“Er, uh,” the guy looked down at his mug for a second before he answered. “Visiting.”

“Visiting what? My roommate’s uterus?”

The guy took a big gulp of his coffee and sat the mug down in the sink. “Uh, I’ll get going. Nice seeing you again, Harry.”

“Alright, bye bye now,” Harry said as the other guy disappeared from the kitchen, before muttering, “what a nonce,” under his breath.

Harry wasn’t usually mean. He was all about treating people with kindness, but apparently the motto didn’t apply to his roommate’s exes. It had nearly been a month since you broke up with Jamie.

Boy, was he fit. He’s still fit. He’s so fit. Legit ten out of ten. Was that the reason you keep getting back together even though you knew for sure that the relationship was toxic? Probably. But hey, you were a young woman in your early twenties; as young as a spring chicken, still naïve—and shallow, apparently—so nobody can blame you.

Jamie was your first serious boyfriend, because no—we are not going to count that nerdy bloke with glasses who used to do your maths homework in year 6. You were together on and off for four years, but you decided that enough was enough. It was your decision to end things in the first place, but that didn’t mean that you were okay with it. You did it because you knew it was the right thing to do—but deep down you knew you didn’t want it to end. Because controlling and guilt-inducing aside, Jamie was a nice bloke. He’s got a great sense of humour (unlike your darling roommate whose jokes tend to give you physical pain), and good Lord those lips always seem to know what you want to hear every single time. He’s romantic; such a good cook, and goodness gracious glory you, those abs. That face. Those green eyes that twinkle every time he talks about something that he is passionate about. He was a dream. But again, you knew ending it was the right thing to do.

You’d barely left your flat during the first week after your break up. You were so miserable, and Harry tried everything he could to cheer you up, but he didn’t have a lot of experience in helping girls get through a break up. All he knew about break ups was the fact that there were three phases (thank you Chandler) - phase one: sweatpants, phase two: getting drunk and going to a strip club, and phase three: picturing themselves with other people. He did offer to accompany you to a strip club incase you wanted to, but you threw one of the pillows on the couch at him for suggesting such a thing. So he just let you be. He threw away your healthy—re: shit—ice cream and swapped it with Ben and Jerry’s because he knew that you like to eat ice cream whilst watching Sleepless In Seattle or You’ve Got Mail, or basically any rom-coms that you decided to watch that night. He did the washing up for seven days in a row without moaning, and he even did some of your laundry too. He didn’t press you to talk it out, but he made sure that you knew that he was there for you.

You were so much better during the second week. In fact, you were too much better. Harry was surprised that it only took you a week to get over a four year relationship, but he was pleased to have his happy, bubbly roommate back. He was a little suspicious, but he brushed it off. He thought maybe you didn’t really love Jamie and that was why you were quick to get back on your feet. Or maybe you just had the emotional equivalent of a scavenging sewer rat. He’d never know.

Third week? You were back to square one.

“Well, well, well, look who’s up,” Harry greeted you as you appeared in the kitchen whilst he was beating the eggs and watching Gordon Ramsay as he did the same thing on his iPad. “Morning, love. Late night, eh? Y/N and Jamie sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G~”

“Morning,” you answered plainly. It was way too early for you to be arsed about his teasing remarks.

“So,” He paused as he added some crème fraiche into the pan. “Are you gonna tell me what happened last night? How that happened? You two getting back together?”

You sighed as you made your way to the counter where your nespresso machine sat. You put a capsule into the machine and turned it on because you needed some caffeine in your system before you could talk about it. Although you had a feeling by looking at Harry’s smirk that you were going to need a much stronger drink.

“Nah,” you replied and let out a yawn before you continued. “Was just a booty call.”

“A booty call?” Harry looked up from the pan at you. “Are you cool enough?”

“I am cool. The coolest I’ve ever been. In fact, I’m so cool that I’m gonna text him again for another booty call tonight. And maybe this time we can go out and have a booty breakfast.”

“You, my friend, are the furthest thing from cool. As the President of the casual sex society, local chapter—I call bull on your booty.”

“What?” You frowned. “It’s just a booty call.”

“Not with you it isn’t. You think that booty breakfast will maybe lead to a booty dinner, then maybe booty engaged and booty married, and have a couple booty kids and a booty retirement home, and then booty die together.”

“That isn’t true!” You protested.

“Yes it is! You know it is.” He went on. “You two keep going on and off you’re like Rihanna and Chris Brown, minus the punching and the duet.” Harry insisted as he put the eggs on two plates for both of you. “You were already doing so good last week, don’t go back there again.”

“Well, girls gotta eat!” you grumbled like a three year old whose candy had just been taken away, and Harry let out a chuckle.

“Go eat!” he stressed. “But don’t eat at the same restaurant.”

You huffed. “I don’t do one night stands.”

“So don’t stand. Lay down.” He grinned as he caught the cherry tomato that you threw at him in response. “Seriously, love, you need to get over him. He was a bellend.”

“You’re a bellend.”

“Oi! I was just trying to help!” this time he scrunched up a kitchen towel and threw it your way. “Listen, we’re going out tonight, yeah? S’gonna be fun.”

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“Alright, then. But remember, you can’t call Jamie again. I know it’s really not my business but you’re my best friend and I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“I won’t.” You reassured him.

Harry reached out his pinky finger. “Pinky promise?”

“Oh my God, what are you? Five?” You took a sip of your coffee before you gave in and reached out yours. “Fine, promise. Happy now?”

***

“Harry!”

He sighed at hearing his name being yelled again for the third time. You had been quite short with him somehow even though he did nothing wrong. You weren’t usually like that and he knew it was just because you were upset, so he gave you a dick pass.

“What?” Harry asked you as he stood up from the couch to find you. “What did I do now?”

“I just changed the toilet roll three days ago and it’s already gone! How dirty is your arse?!” You grumbled.

Harry looked at you in disbelief. “For fucks sake woman it’s three quid for nine bleeding rolls!”

“Aye! Sorry didn’t know we’re a Tory household now, splashing money around like we won the lottery.”

He raked his hand through his hair. “Alright that’s it. Let’s get you out of the house. You’re mean at home.”

“Hey!” You swat his arm in response to his remark. Then he ended up showing off the arm that you hit playfully and pointed at it to prove his point.

“See?! Come on, let’s go get changed. Spit spot. Move along now. You can go and get ready now voluntarily or I’ll just drag you out by force in your two days old pyjamas. The choice is yours.” He shrugged and opened his palms.

You huffed but you did what he told you to do anyway, because maybe he was right—you needed the change of scenery. You wanted to just get back in bed since it was Saturday and took a three hour nap, but you knew that pest of a roommate of yours wouldn’t let you, and you knew that what he said wasn’t an empty threat. So, you went to take a quick shower and get ready.

“Seriously, where are we going?” You asked Harry as you waited for him to start his orange Vespa scooter.

“Ah ah ah,” Harry shook his head. “What did I say before? No questions, just put your helmet on.”

“Are you gonna kidnap me?”

“We live together!”

“Yeah, but who knows? Maybe you’re after my kidney.”

“Oh my God woman just shush, put your helmet on and hop on so we can get going, yeah? S’gonna be fun, promise. No kidney stealing or some other dodgy stuff.”

You couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle for the first time in a while, and Harry grinned. “See? You’re better outside.”

After putting the helmet on, you hopped onto the scooter and you held his waist. But then you felt his hands reaching for your arms to wrap it around his tummy and rest it on his belly button, making you sit closer to him. Your front was nearly glued to his back, which you were sure they would be in a second when you hit the road because the slightest bump would shift you forward.

You weren’t sure what it was. You weren’t sure why you were feeling a little flustered being that close to Harry. For a second you thought maybe it was just because you had broken up recently and your emotions were out of whack. That wasn’t the closest you’d ever been with Harry. You were both—still are—massive cuddlers, so it wasn’t rare for you two to sit on the couch cuddling as you watched whatever it was on the telly. You tried to brush it off. Besides, Harry was fit—still is and forever will be—so you told yourself it’s normal and that you don’t need to fret about it.

After a million bumps and sudden brakes, you both arrived in Camden. You thought Harry was going to take you to the market, but he surprised you by stopping the scooter in front of a grey building.

“Alright, get down and wait for me here, I’ll be back in a tick, just gonna park there.” He said, and you hopped down immediately, handing him your helmet afterwards.

He was back with you shortly with a huge grin plastered across his face. “Ready t’av some fun?”

“Oh!” you exclaimed. “Is it one of those escape room thing? Oh my God Harry, we are both dumb—we’ll never get out!”

Harry protested. “Hey!”

You burst into laughter when you saw the look on his face. Neither of you had ever been to an escape room before, so you didn’t know what to expect. But you couldn’t deny that you were quite excited, although never in a million years would you admit that to Harry’s face.

It turned out that you were required to book the room beforehand, and obviously you hadn’t since it was pretty spontaneous. Fortunately, there was one room left available right away.

“We only have the Zen Room available for now, would that be alright with you?” The receptionist kindly offered you.

“Oh, what is it about?” Harry asked her.

“Basically your mission is to help an orphaned Japanese girl retrieve her priceless family heirlooms. Are you familiar with Asian culture? Also it’s not a requirement but if you can speak Japanese that would make it so much easier.” She explained.

“Well, I know a bit about the culture, yeah,” Harry nodded.

You lifted your eyebrow as you looked at him. “What do you know?”

“Well, I went to BLACKPINK concert once.” He gave a lopsided grin and the receptionist had a little chuckle.

“Oh my God.” You facepalmed. “We’re never getting out aren’t we?”

Harry insisted that it was going to be just fine and that it was going to be fun so you agreed to do it. The receptionist gave you a quick briefing before walking you to the end of the hall where the Zen Room was.

“There’s a screen inside and I will give you clues from time to time. Have fun!” she said as she opened the door for both of you. You thanked her and as soon as the door was closed, the light turned on and you scanned the room around you.

The room wasn’t big, but there was something like a sliding door that you were sure that would open at some point and there’s got to be another room behind that.

“Oh bollocks! Everything is in Japanese, I can’t read anything.” You grumbled as you began looking around for clues.

Harry mumbled nonchalantly. “I can speak Japanese.”

“What?! I didn’t know that.” You replied. Feeling a little relieved and for the first time you thought maybe you two were going to nail it.

He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug. “You never asked.”

“Alright, say something.” You requested, curious about what would he sound like speaking in foreign language. He was shit in French but you thought maybe he was good in Japanese?

“Uh, konnichiwa. Arigatou gozaimasu.”

You shook your head. “No, not just hi and thank you. Say a proper sentence.”

“I can’t. That’s the only words I know.”

“THAT’S IT?!” you hollered.

“Hey, it’s still Japanese!” he argued.

“Two words don’t count!”

“Knowledge is a knowledge no matter how small!” he insisted.

You could go on but you realised that you had a more important task. You wanted to solve the mystery before the time ran out because they gave free ice cream if you manage to get out in under an hour, and you were willing to fight for free ice cream, so you told Harry to find as much clues as he could in one part of the room whilst you searched the other part.

Harry jumped up in surprise and tumbled when the telly suddenly turned on and the receptionist’s face appeared on the screen. You cackled, and the receptionist failed to stifle her snigger. “Sorry, are you alright?” she asked.

“Well, physically I’m fine.” He replied. “Emotionally, I’m bruised.”

You howled at his response and the fact that he was looking down at the floor in embarrassment made it even harder for you to control your laughter. The girl gave you the first clue and told you to try to open the wooden box in the corner of the room. You tried to move things around before you heard Harry squeal when he found a bunch of keys.

“Hey, look at what I found!” he beamed proudly.

“What?” You asked curiously. “What is it?”

He showed you the keys that he found and shook it to make a rattling noise. “Keys!”

“Aaah! Open it! Open it!”

He struggled to get the key into the keyhole. He had tried five different keys and none of them seemed to work. “It doesn’t fit!” He grumbled, but then giggled not even two seconds afterwards. “Hehehe.”

You looked at him in confusion. “Why are you laughing?”

“If I got a penny for every time I said that.”

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t think any of those keys will work. That’s too easy. There’s got to be something else.”

It was safe to say that you both sucked at it. You had been in the room for twenty minutes and so far both of you had only found two little coins, a silk hand fan and a bunch of useless keys. You had tried to open every drawer and looked at underneath the tables but you found nothing. But then the sliding door suddenly opened and both of you looked at each other in horror.

“Did- what- how?!” you gasped.

“I’ve got no idea! Do you think this room is haunted?” he deadpanned. He knew you were a wimp and he found pleasure from the look of your face.

You scolded him. “HARRY!”

He giggled and walked behind you into the other room. Actually, he knew why the door opened—because he opened it. He was moving some paintings around and as soon as he moved that painting of a fish on the wall, the door opened, but there was no way on earth he would tell you that. And being the pest that he was, he made some creepy, breathy sound of your name to wind you up, making you shudder in fear.

“Harry I swear to God if you don’t stop, the first thing I’m going to do the second we get out of here is to kill you.” You threatened him, and he howled in response.

There was a giant sudoku on the wall, a table with some antiques on top of it and an empty aquarium. Great. You were shit at sudoku and you were sure that Harry was even worse.

“Oooh! Sudoku!” Harry clapped his hands excitedly.

You glanced at him. “Do you know how to play it?”

“Of course! I’m really good at it. I’m the best. I’m the king of sudoku!”

“Have you ever played it?”

He shook his head. “Not once in my whole life.”

“Oh God, we’re never getting out.”

“Come on, let’s just put those numbers in the slot.” He suggested as he began to take the wooden numbers out of the box.

“That’s not how it goes.” You folded your arms and Harry tilted his head at you, his forehead furrowed.

“That’s literally how it goes!”

“I mean,” you licked your lips for a second out of habit before you went on. “There’s got to be some rules. We can’t just put random num- ah! I remember we can’t put the same numbers in one region!”

“You’ll find me in the region of the summer stars~”

You smacked your forehead with your palm when he started to sing. After knowing him for a year and a half and lived together for about seven months, you knew that he sings 24/7. Most of the times it’s nice because you couldn’t deny that he’s got beautiful voice, but sometimes it makes you want to tape his mouth shut.

“Shut your trap and just put it in!”

“I love it when you talk dirty to me.” He smirked at you as he put a nine and another nine but upside down next to each other in the slots.

You rolled your eyes. “That’s upside down you absolute spoon.”

You ended up doing the sudoku alone because Harry was shit at it. You weren’t much better, but you were better nonetheless. He decided to go and look for other clues. When you were done with the sudoku—re: gave up—you frowned when you looked around and couldn’t find Harry. You walked to the other room and you finally found the bloke sat on the floor in the corner of the room eating a Twix.

“What are you doing?” You asked.

“I need to gain strength. You want a bite?” He replied as he took another bite of the chocolate bars. Yes, he always took a bite of both of them at once because he didn’t want one of the chocolates to get lonely in his tummy.

You chuckled. “Mate we’re shit at this we haven’t even done much.”

“But still fun, right? You’re having fun?” His eyebrows waggled as he licked his fingers after the last bite of the chocolate.

“I am. But I give up.”

He cackled. “We can still get ice cream after this if y’want? Screw free ice cream.”

“You’re buying?” You grinned at him, and he nodded.

“You know what? I’ve got a better idea. We’ll go to Shake Shack after this for some burgers and frozen custard cause daddy don’t skimp.”

“Great!” you cheered. “Am starving.”

“I swear you’re either starving, freezing or fuming.”

“I want to deny but you’re right.”

“What? Say tha’ again, can’t hear ya,” he teased.

You just sat together until the time ran out and the door opened, accepting the fact that you were just shit at it but hey at least you tried. After that, Harry fulfilled his promise of buying you a burger and frozen custard.

“Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo~” Harry started to sing again as soon as you sat down at the table with your food.

“……”

“Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo~”

“……”

“Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up and that’s how we get hamburgers~”

***

“Y’alright ya wee cunt?” You greeted Harry, who had some random bird’s mouth attached to his neck. You were sure it would leave a mark or two. “How you been deein’?”

Harry pulled his neck away from the bird as soon as he heard you. “For God’s sake mate how much you’ve been drinking?!”

“Eh,” you shrugged. “Just a couple.”

“A couple my arse! C’mon let’s get you home, yeah?”

“What about your b- wait Harry, your bird’s gone!”

“S’alright. Not important. Let’s just get you home before you start calling people cunts again.”

“Hey! I don’t call people that.”

“You literally just called me that!”

“Well yeah that’s my pet name for you but I don’t call other people that.”

“What kind of pet name is that?!” Harry said as he held your hand and began walking towards the door. But just a couple steps away from the door, Rolling in the Deep came on and Harry gasped. “Oh fuck!”

“Wanna stay for this one song?” You smirked at him and you knew he wouldn’t say no.

***

The next morning you woke up feeling like you had just been hit by a truck. Your head was in bits and the rain outside sounded more like gunfire to you. You didn’t remember much from the night before and you surely didn’t know how you got home since you weren’t sure how pissed Harry was last night, but the fact that you woke up alone in your own bed made you sigh in relief.

“Morning, love. Coffee?” Harry greeted as he spotted you in the kitchen.

“Ssshh, why are you yelling?” You grumbled as you covered both of your ears with your hands.

Harry chuckled lightly and whispered. “I’m not? But alright. How are you feeling?”

“My head’s in bits. How much did I drink last night?”

“Well, the club’s gone because you drank it.” He teased. “Also you called me a cunt three times so you obviously had tequila.”

“Did I try to call him?”

“Yes. And you ran to the loo when I tried to take your phone away.”

“Did you manage to take it?”

“That I didn’t because I didn’t want people to think I was snooping in a ladies toilet. They’d kick me out.”

“Oh fuck! I called him didn’t I?”

“Nah, you didn’t. After you came in, I peeked inside and shouted so everyone could hear that you were about to call your ex. There were a couple girls inside and they talked you out of it.”

You couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle, and you wished you’d remembered it because that sounded funny. “What would I do without you, H.”

“Hey, s’nothing. What do you want to do today?” He asked you as he poured some muesli into the bowls.

“Sleep.”

And that was what you did for most of the day. After you had breakfast you took a nap and woke up around two in the afternoon. It was raining cats and dogs outside so you settled on the couch watching Friends because you spent the last few weeks watching rom-coms and if you watched another rom-com you swore you would lose your shit. You were snuggling up to Harry’s side, his left arm wrapped around you as you laughed at Joey and Rachel bickering. There were some slices of pizza left on the coffee table because none of you could be arsed to cook, along with two cans of coke.

“Do you want to finish that?” You asked Harry, tilting your head to the box of pizza.

Harry yawned before he answered. “I’m full.”

“Alright, I’ll clean that up.” You said as you rose from the couch.

“I’ll help.” Harry immediately picked up the box and you put the drinks on top of the box before you bent over to wipe the coffee table. “Watch out!” Harry warned you, but it was too late. Your back bumped the box of pizza, making the remaining coke spill all over his Rolling Stones shirt.

“Oh God, I’m sorry!” You panicked because you knew that was his favourite t-shirt. You grabbed a couple tissues right away and began rubbing the stained part of the shirt hoping it would help take away some of the liquid before it was stuck to the fabric. “Harry, I’m sor-“

You weren’t sure how it happened, but the next thing that happened surprised you. His lips were pressed against yours all of sudden, cutting you mid-sentence. He broke the kiss for two seconds to put the box of pizza and the cokes back on the table before leaning back to you and pressing his lips against yours again. You’d soften up this time around. You knew that was wrong. It was Harry and he was your best friend, not to mention that you live together and that would complicate the shit out of things. But it just felt so right. You never thought you would actually kiss him and you thought it would be awkward, but it wasn’t. You parted your lips when he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip subtly, his hands moved from your back to cup your jaw.

You couldn’t help but let out a little giggle against his lips when you felt something poking you in the stomach. Harry pulled his lips away instantly as soon as he realised what made you giggle. The look on his face made it harder for you to stifle your snigger.

“Shit,” his breaths quickened. “Sorry. I- I didn’t know what came over me. We’ve never- I shouldn’t have-“

You laughed as you dropped to your knees, and you swore Harry looked like he’d just seen a ghost. His pupils were dilated and he took in a sharp breath. “Y/N what are you doing?”

“Hunting elephants.”

“I’m serious.”

“What do you think? Is it not obvious?” You asked.

“It is. Fuck, I mean- you sure? You’re gonna-“ he blabbered.

“Suck you off, yes.” You cut him short and nodded.

He was less tense by then, a grin creeping up on his face “Such a dirty mouth.”

“Well I’m about to put your dick in my mouth so I’m not really concerned about oral hygiene right now.” You rolled your eyes.

“Hehehe.” He giggled, and you looked at him in confusion.

“What?”

“You’re gonna see my willy.”

“I know.”

“I’ve got some hair there.”

“Okay.”

“Not a lot because I still shave a little to keep it nice and pretty but-“

“Harry,”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

“Okay, sorry.”

You didn’t know what came over you to make you want to do it, but it was a bit too late to chicken out, and frankly you wanted to do it. In four years of a relationship—yes, on and off but we’re going to round that up for dramatic purpose—you only gave Jamie head once so really, you didn’t know what came over you.

You knew he wasn’t small. You saw a glimpse of it a couple months prior when he forgot to lock the bathroom door, but you certainly didn’t get a good look of it. Little did you know that the next time you look at it, it’d nearly poke you in the eye.

His eyes widened when you looked up to him, muttering a series of profanities under his breath. You took a deep breath before taking it into your hand, and he choked on his breath as soon as your hand came into contact. He felt heavy in your hand. He was hard and you could see him already leaking from the tip.

“Give it a kiss, love. Please.” He begged, and you obliged. Kissing the tip lightly, before you began licking from the base to the tip. You weren’t really sure what to do, but the noises that he made egged you on so you thought maybe you were doing fine. His head lolled back when you gently sucked the tip.

The grunts and praises that kept flowing out of his mouth encouraged you to take it further into your mouth. It felt really heavy and you could just feel it weighing down on your tongue as he pushed past your lips. You took the rest of him in your hand and you began to work your hand and mouth around him in sync. You knew that there was a slight chance that both of you would regret what you were doing, but it didn’t matter in that moment.

You knew that he was close when he started whining. You let him go for a second to ask him before it was too late. “Where do you want it?”

You could hear his ragged breathing but he couldn’t form a sentence - that was how fucked up he was. You let him go again for a second. “Okay, aim wherever you like, just don’t get it in my ha- MATE YOU HAD ONE JOB!”

“Sor- sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He apologised as he fell down to the couch behind him, trying to even his breathing. “Love, that was, wow I- wow I can’t even speak.”

You chuckled. “S’alright. You’re welcome by the way.”

“You.” He shook his head in disbelief, still grinning from ear to ear. “Didn’t know you have it in you, babe.”

“I’m gonna take a shower then we’re gonna go out and play laser tag.” You smirked as you jumped to your feet.

“What?”

“What? You don’t want to play laser tag?”

“Well yeah of course I want to. S’fun seeing you curse at a bunch of eight year olds and make them cry.” He paused to take another deep breath before he went on. “But, uh, you don’t want me to reciprocate?”

“Nah, I’m fine. Maybe later.” You gave him a lopsided grin.

“Fine we’re going. But-“

“What?”

“Wanna snog again before we go and get ready?”

You nodded sheepishly. “Okay.”

-

bow chicka wow wow

[searchingwardrobes]

Happy belated birthday, @courtorderedcake​ ! I am so sorry this gift is late! It’s been a week, we’ll just say that, and I wanted your gift to be good. I know you have been through SO much difficulty, my dear, and I wanted to write a fic focusing on Emma’s tough past and her strength because I know you identify with her so deeply. This turned out going in a much different direction than I anticipated, especially with the Daddy!Charming at the end. Nevertheless, I hope you like it! I based this on the song of the same name by Pearl Jam, and the two lines I used at the end made me think of you, Court, as well as Emma: “She holds the hand that holds her down/ She will rise above.”

This fic doesn’t follow the season seven timeline simply because it makes my head hurt and it was just easier to ignore it. I also needed Emma’s past in the Land Without Magic to touch her in the present, and the whole “all the realms are in Maine” wouldn’t really work here. Therefore, this is three years after the season six finale. Henry is sixteen Neal Nolan is three, and baby Hope is two months old.

Summary: The past collides with the present when Emma gets an upsetting phone call. But she isn’t a lost girl anymore.

Rating: T for brief discussions of child neglect, emotional abuse, and alcoholism

Words: 3,500 and some change

Also on Ao3 and part of my Fandom Birthday Playlist

Tagging the usuals: @snowbellewells @kmomof4 @xhookswenchx @welllpthisishappening @let-it-raines @teamhook @bethacaciakay @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @jennjenn615​ @distant-rose​ @delirious-latenight-laughs​ @optomisticgirl​ @spartanguard​ @profdanglaisstuff​ @tiganasummertree​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @snidgetsafan​ @thislassishooked​ @branlovestowrite​ @scientificapricot​ @stahlop​ @hollyethecurious​ @shireness-says​ @winterbaby89​ @wellhellotragic​

Neither Emma nor Killian would say that their pasts were a faded, distant memory. Trauma just wasn’t that easy to get over. They would say, however, that this life they’d built in Storybrooke made the memories easier to handle. They had legit, “I’d go to hell and back for you”, family and friends. They had the home of their dreams where they could give Henry and Hope all the things they never had. They no longer felt the pang of hunger or the bite of cold.

Most of all, they had each other. Having each other meant sharing the burden of those memories for the first time. It was like peeling an onion, and Emma didn’t mean that metaphor in the usual sense. She meant the layers stung like hell, so they could only handle tiny bits at a time. It was okay, though, Killian told her. They had a lifetime together.

Taking the pain a tiny piece at a time was why the phone call came as such a shock for both of them. It wasn’t that Emma forgot about Hank, it’s just she’d never heard anyone speak of him aloud in almost thirty years.

Killian watched her face go pale, saw her arm go limp even though he could still hear a tiny voice coming through the speaker of her phone.

“Emma? Is everything okay?”

She dropped the phone without ending the call, and it hit one of the throw pillows and slid to the edge of the couch. Without saying a word, she headed upstairs, and Killian snatched the phone up and pressed it to his ear. The person on the other end was saying “hello? Ms. Swan, are you there?”

“This is Mr. - this is her husband,” Killian said. Though Storybrooke was no longer isolated from the outside world, Killian still essentially didn’t exist outside of its borders. Their marriage, though real in every way that mattered, wasn’t legally official outside of their little hamlet of fairy tale characters.

“Oh,” the woman on the line said, “well, could you just let her know that visiting hours end at nine pm?”

Killian’s brow furrowed. “Visiting hours?”

“Yes, if she’d like to come visit Hank Gregory. Her foster father?”

Killian sank to the edge of the couch. “Could you fill me in, please? My wife was a little - overwhelmed by your call.”

“Well, Mr. Gregory was admitted to Maine Medical Center here in Portland about two days ago with complications from both liver disease and diabetes. We’ve done all we can for him, but he’s been admitted into the ICU.” The woman took a deep breath, as if gathering her strength to get the next words out.

“I told your wife this already, but he doesn’t have a lot of time. We asked if he had any next of kin he’d like us to contact, and your wife’s name and number was all he gave us. He said she was his foster daughter?”

Killian rubbed the curve of his hook against his chin. No wonder the nurse phrased it as a question - this call likely wasn’t going the way she had envisioned. Across the room, Henry had discarded his video game controller and was watching Killian with a question furrowing his brow. Killian wished he weren’t so worried himself because it’s one thing for the man to have Emma’s name. It was quite another for him to have her cell phone number.

“Let me jot down those visitation hours,” he finally told the nurse, motioning to Henry to get a pad of paper and a pen. The lad dashed to the kitchen and fished them out of the junk drawer. Killian repeated the information from the nurse as Henry scribbled it down. After ending the call, Henry regarded him intensely.

“What was that all about? Mom seemed really upset.”

Killian sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not one hundred percent sure yet, Henry.”

***************************************************************

“Are you’re absolutely positive that you want to do this, love?”

Emma was clutching the steering wheel with a white-knuckled grip, but she nodded at Killian anyway. They were twenty minutes outside of Storybrooke, and she’d been completely silent the entire time.

“I need answers. The man treated me like shit for two years, and now, 24 years later, he calls out of the blue?”

Killian really wasn’t sure what to say, so he merely rubbed Emma’s arm with the curve of his hook. She smiled at the gesture, and her body relaxed. One of her hands released the steering wheel, and she reached over to grasp his. He lifted it to his lips and brushed a kiss across her knuckles.

“The bastard isn’t going to die without me getting a thing or two off my chest, either,” she added with a bitter chuckle.

There was a time a few years ago that the anger radiating from her and the harshness of her words would have him worried. His mind would have gone immediately to his own bitterness towards his father and the darkness that kind of path leads to. But now he knew better. Emma had faced the darkness and risen above it. He also knew she had to face her demons on her own terms.

“I’m right beside you, Swan, you know that.”

Her face relaxed and she turned her palm to lace their fingers together. She lifted their hands and pressed her lips to the back of his before letting go so she could put two hands back on the wheel. She bore right and soon the Bug was heading down 295 to Portland.

**********************************************************

Maine Medical Center was enormous, comprised of several different buildings. To make matters worse, parts of it were being renovated and construction zones were everywhere. They finally found the correct building, finally found a parking deck, and then walked what felt like a million miles to the ICU. Killian had never been anywhere but Storybrooke General, but this massive place had the same sterile smell and chilly air. He noticed Emma shivering and put his arm around her as they walked. She leaned into him, clasping his prosthetic hand in hers, his hook not exactly appropriate for the setting.

“Thank you for coming here with me,” she whispered.

“It’s what a husband does,” he replied, pressing a kiss to her temple.

His quip at least elicited a tiny chuckle from her. They approached the nurses station for the ICU, and Emma told them who she was and that she was here to see Hank Gregory. A smiling woman in her sixties whose spectacles reminded him of Granny Lucas led them to the correct room, which looked more to Killian like a glass prison. She eased the door open and called to the patient in the bed with a voice only slightly above a whisper.

“Mr. Gregory, you have visitors.”

The man’s eyes blinked open, and he turned his head towards the open door. He was covered in wires and tubes, and things blinked and beeped all around him. The nurse pressed a gentle hand to Emma’s arm.

“I’ll let you visit.”

Emma simply nodded, and Killian could tell she would rather flee. But she let out a long, slow breath and then took a step closer towards the man in the bed. His skin was pale and looked as thin as paper, littered in bruises. His eyes were sunken, his cheeks sallow, and there was a yellowish pallor to his face. He was mostly bald with only a few wisps of dingy gray hair. Killian glanced at Emma. She dropped her arms to her sides, and her hands were balled into tight fists.

“Emma,” the man said on a struggled breath, “you came.”

“How the hell did you find me?” she bit back.

The man’s eyes blinked, moist with tears. He looked sad, resigned, but not angry or defensive. “I’ve been keeping an eye on you over the years. Trying to, anyway. You can be a hard girl to find.”

“Yeah, I kinda pride myself on it.”

He ignored her jab, and smiled at Killian. “And who is your young man here?”

“I’m not ten anymore, Hank. This isn’t my young man, he’s my husband.”

“Killian Jones.” Killian gave the man a slight nod, unsure if he should attempt to shake his hand or not. He glanced nervously at Emma, wondering if she was offended by his polite greeting, but her gaze hadn’t left the man in the hospital bed.

“Nice to meet you, son.”

“He’s not your anything.” Emma propped her hands on her hips. “How. Did. You. Find me?”

He sighed, his head sinking even farther into his pillow. “I saw you in the papers a few years back. Emma Swan Always Gets Her Man, that was the headline. I’ve done some, well . . . work with computers, so I -”

“You obtained my personal information illegally, right? Did you know I’m a sheriff now?”

Hank tilted his head. “No, actually, I didn’t. Funny thing, I was following your career in New York, even found out about your son -”

“You stay the hell away from Henry!”

Hank ignored her “-but then the two of you just . . . disappeared. I held onto your number, though. When I gave it to the nurse, I wasn’t sure if it would even work. I was even less sure that you would come.”

Emma’s chin was tilted, and Killian knew what that meant. “Why me?”

“You’re all I’ve got left, Emma. You were my daughter, for God’s sake!”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not your daughter. I never was.”

“Maybe not by blood, but I loved you like my own -”

“You don’t know what love even is!” Emma was shouting now, and Killian glanced nervously at the door. He wasn’t going to stop her, though. Obviously, whatever was pouring out of her had been bottled up for years. Hank was obviously not long for this world, and he knew better than anyone that his wife needed to say everything that had been left unsaid.

Hank was crying now, tears catching in the wrinkles that marred his face. “I didn’t treat you right, I know that, but I did love you, Emma. I did.”

Emma shook her head. “Really? You loved me so much you spent all of the money on liquor while I starved? Loved me so much you spent every waking moment in that damn recliner with the tv on? Do you know how many times I had to clean you up after you’d puked all over yourself? How many times I had to haul trash bags full of empty bottles out to the curb?”

“I know, I know!” Hank was sobbing now, his voice breaking as he struggled to speak. “When Denine and I took you in, we were gonna do it together. We were so excited to give you a home. But then she died, and I . . . she was my life, Emma. I was grieving so badly that I lost myself in the drinking, and -”

“I was grieving too!” Emma shouted. “And I was only ten!”

An awkward silence fell then, the sounds of the hospital machines louder within it. Hank’s gaze trailed to the ceiling, and his hands picked nervously at the thin hospital blanket. He let out a shaky sigh before finally speaking again.

“I’m dying, Emma. My liver’s useless, my kidneys are failing.” Groaning, he struggled to sit up in the bed, his right hand shaking violently as he reached for the blanket across his lap. When he yanked it aside, Killian’s eyes widened in surprise to see legs that ended in blunted stumps where feet should have been. Emma, however, didn’t react at all.

“Look at me,” Hank choked out. “I hated myself so much, I literally killed myself. Didn’t give a shit about my diabetes, so I lost my feet.”

“Serves you right,” Emma replied coldly.

“You’re right, it does,” Hank agreed, awkwardly covering himself back up and collapsing against his pillows. “Denine would be devastated if she saw me now.”

“She was good to me,” Emma whispered, hugging her arms around herself.

Hank nodded, tears gathering in his eyes once again. “I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was before it’s too late. I hoped that maybe we could -”

“Fine,” Emma interrupted him, “you got to apologize, but if you think that means I’ll forgive you, then I guess you’re gonna die disappointed.”

Emma completely ignored the broken man as he sobbed in the hospital bed, turning instead for the door and striding from the room. Killian followed her, but he couldn’t help glancing back at Hank Gregory with sympathy.

****************************************************************

Emma felt physically drained, yet a buzz of righteous anger still tingled along her skin. Killian, however, had fallen into a melancholy she couldn’t understand. They had decided to get lunch in the hospital cafeteria rather than drive around trying to find a place to eat. They had found a spot to sit next to a window looking out at a courtyard, and Killian seemed far more interested in watching the people walking past than the food in front of him.

“Hey,” Emma said softly, reaching out to grasp his hand, “what’s wrong?”

He gave her that smile that never fooled her because it didn’t reach his eyes. “Nothing, love, really.”

As if to try and prove it to her, he picked up his fork and speared a piece of broccoli. Not very convincing, however, when it never reached his mouth. Emma sighed and put down her grilled cheese.

“Yeah right, nothing.” She regarded his brooding nervously, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. “Do you think I’m an awful person? To yell at a dying man like that?”

He shook his head. “Not at all. As difficult as it was, it had to be said.”

If anything, Killian’s words only made him look more depressed. Emma frowned. “But you think I should go back and forgive him?”

Killian shrugged. “I can’t tell you what to do in a situation like this. I confess, I wish you would, but . . . “

“But what?”

He finally met her eyes, dropping the fork with the uneaten broccoli. “Can’t you see it, Swan?”

Her brow furrowed. “See what?”

“Is there really that much difference between me and Hank Gregory?”

Emma couldn’t help it, a short laugh escaped her lips. “You can’t be serious.”

“A one-handed pirate with a drinking problem,” he grumbled.

“What?”

Killian rubbed his forehead, unable to look at her. “It’s what Pan said in Neverland when I told him you were finally seeing me for who I really am.”

Emma rolled her eyes, though she knew Killian was serious. “And you’re going to believe that psychopath?”

“Well, he wasn’t wrong. And here you are, refusing to forgive . . . an alcoholic with no feet.”

Emma’s eyes widened as his words sank in, then her face softened and tears moistened her eyes. “Oh babe,” she told him softly, grasping his hand again and rubbing his knuckles with her thumb, “you’re nothing like him. I’ve seen you drink too much, sure, but you’re not an alcoholic. You’ve never neglected me or Henry or Hope. You’ve done nothing but put us first.” She let out a long, slow breath, relieved when she saw a tiny glimmer spark in her husband’s eyes. “Hank ignored me, neglected me, yelled at me and called me names for two long, excruciating years.”

“Oh Swan,” he told her in a choked voice, “I’m not sure I was much better after losing Milah.”

“No, stop it,” she said firmly, grasping his prosthetic and his hand firmly in both of hers. “That may be true, but I know you, better than anyone. I have no doubt in my mind that if a child needed you, you would have been there. As a matter of fact, you did just that, for Neal - I mean Bae.”

“And then I mucked it all up like I always -”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Jones.”

He gave a small laugh, and ducked his head. Since she didn’t seem to be getting through to him, she got up, plopped right down in his lap and cupped his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her.

“Forget the past, remember? Isn’t that what we said on our wedding day?”

“Yes, but -”

“No buts. Hank Gregory was never a father to me. He sucked, okay? You, however, are the best father I could ever dream of for Henry and Hope.” She punctuated her words with a searing kiss, not giving a damn that they were in the middle of crowded, bustling Maine Medical Center.

****************************************************

Emma rubbed her palms on her jeans nervously as she watched the dying man through the glass of his room in the ICU. Killian put his arm around her and pulled her close.

“You sure about this?” he asked.

Emma nodded. “Yes. You were right, I did need to say those harsh words.” She turned to him and shrugged. “But they weren’t the only words. I guess I have too much of my parents in me.”

He smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be waiting right here for you.”

With a steadying breath, she stepped away from her husband and opened the door. She had thought Hank was sleeping, but she had been wrong. He turned towards the door and smiled when he saw her.

“I didn’t think I would see you again.”

“Yeah, well . . . “ Emma shrugged as she approached his bed. She stepped to the foot of it and grasped the edge with both hands. “I was talking to my husband, and he reminded me that people can change.”

Hank’s eyes brightened with hopefulness. “I have changed, Emma, and I was hoping maybe I could get to know my daughter again.”

Emma lifted her hand. “Please don’t call me that, Hank. I found my real parents, and they’re wonderful people. My dad and I especially are close. He and I -” she chuckled, surprised when tears rose up in her eyes thinking of David. “Well, we’re a lot alike. My mom definitely says so about a hundred times a day.”

Tears rolled freely down Hank’s cheeks. “Oh, Emma, I’m so happy to hear that. Knowing that, I really think I can leave this world in peace.”

Emma blinked, startled. “What?”

“I was such a horrible parent to you, Emma, and you were so innocent. I never forgave myself, and I tortured myself after children’s services took you away wondering what happened to you. Wondering if you ever found a family to love you the way you always deserved.”

Emma nodded, the tears flowing freely on her own face. “I have. I really have.”

“Anyone else besides Henry, your parents, and that handsome husband of yours?”

“Yes,” Emma said, pulling her cell phone out of her jacket pocket as she came around to the side of the bed, “my baby girl Hope. Here she is on the day she was born.”

Hank’s trembling hand came out to bring the screen closer. “She’s beautiful.”

“She is, isn’t she?”

An awkward silence fell as Emma pocketed her phone. She shifted her feet awkwardly, wondering if she could really spit the words out she had come here to say.

“You don’t have to forgive me,” Hank finally said.

Emma’s face softened as she held his gaze. “Yes, I do. Not for you, but for me.” She took another deep breath and reached out to grasp Hank’s hand. “Hank, I forgive you.”

The man let out a long, shuddering breath, his eyes closing as he whispered, “thank you.” He must have been saving that breath for Emma’s words because as soon as it fell from his lips, every machine in the room started beeping. Emma was shoved out of the way as doctors and nurses rushed in to attend to the dying man. She found herself back in Killian’s arms, weeping against his shoulder.

**********************************************************

The drive home was a bit surreal with nothing but silence their companion back to Storybrooke. Emma didn’t think the feeling was grief - she’d known that, and God, she’d never forget it. Yet she did feel emotionally spent, and wrung out of all coherent thought. Killian didn’t seem concerned by her silence, content to watch the scenery go by and hum along with the radio. Occasionally, he would take her hand in his and give her a reassuring smile.

Emma was surprised when she saw the Welcome to Storybrooke sign - it was like she had driven home on autopilot. When they parked outside of their house, her heart flipped to see her dad’s truck. David came out on the porch before they had even exited the vehicle, Hope cradled in his arms.

“Snow needed to take Neal to t-ball practice so I -” David’s words were cut off when Emma launched herself into his arms. His free arm came up to cup his daughter’s head, and he was shocked to hear her crying against him. He looked to Killian with a startled expression and was relieved when his son-in-law gave him a small smile and a tiny nod that Emma was fine. Killian gently took Hope from him, grinning as the two month old squealed in delight. His arms free, David held Emma tighter.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” he finally asked her.

Emma pulled back, a smile lighting her face despite the tears. “Yeah, I am. Better than okay. I just . . . I love you, Dad.”

David swallowed back the lump in his throat. “I love you, too.”

She holds the hand that holds her down / She will rise above.

[justauthoring]

Running, Freedom, Salvation (15/19)

Prompt: “Run, run, run. That’s all we ever do. All we’ve ever done.” You paused, feeling the wind brush through your hair. Taking a deep breath, you steadied yourself and met his eyes. “Do you think it’ll finally stop?”

Maze Runner: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight

Scorch Trials: one - two - three - four - five - six

Death Cure: one - two - three - four - five

I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Send me a little comment in the ask section or leave it below on what you thought of this chapter. It doesn’t have to be long, I appreciate every single comment I receive and telling me just helps inspire me to write it more frequently.

AGAIN, remember if you’d like me to continue this series, just leave a little comment or an ask letting me know. I will NOT continue the series if no one wants me to.

Please don’t plagiarize my work - I spend a lot of my time writing, copying and pasting destroys that. If you want to repost my work. please ask first - but even then I might say no.

Pairing: Newt x Reader

Based off of: The first 15-20 of Death Cure.

Tag List: @blackbrokerosey - @some-fantasy-thoughts - @ilovemymoose - @alienadvocate - @itsfangirlmendes - @thatproffessionalfangirl - @nightingalethewriter - @143amberrose - @joycewrites - @floweryukheii - @hey-margot - @hippieballs - @wearegoldeninthenight - @betcoop - @crystalshines2909 - @darthweasley7 - @desired-love- - @honeymoonavenue - @legit-fandom-trash - @musicandbeat - @thespeedofwind - @sellinxhs - @sumlariss - @togetherlikepeanutbutterandjelly - @sarcasmdunbar - @strangerthingsluv - @mythicalamphitrite - @thisishowieroll - @independentgirl​ - @heathernsweets​ - @illumminated - @highly-uncomfortable-titles - @ktminn01 - @awkwardlyarts - @j-marvel-memester - @mdgrdians - @writingandhotcocoa - @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven Wanna be TAGGED? Message me letting me know! italics means those Tumblr won’t let me tag.

-

“We have to get her back, Thomas.”

“I know.”

“Minho and Y/N, the both of them. Tomorrow, we can’t fail.”

“I know.”

“Thomas... Y/N, she’s...”

“It’s okay, I know. I’ll get her back. The both of them. I promise.”

Light bled into the darkness of the trailer. You watched sparks fly from afar as confusion flooded you. 

The chain connected to the restraints around your wrist rattled in response to your fidgeting. You felt your heart race in anticipation. There could only be two people behind the door now, the same two people who had taken this compartment right off the train cart.

Your voice was still raw from the screaming you’d done, in hopes of alerting your saviours that it was in fact you inside this compartment. The only thing is they’d been calling for Minho too, and you can’t remember the last time you’d seen your friends face. Not since that night.

After six months of being in WICKED’s hands, part of you couldn’t remember what your friends looked like. What Fry looked like, or Thomas, or Newt... Couldn’t remember the sounds of their voices, couldn’t remember the feeling of Newt. It was cruel how life worked. Newt and you had finally accepted your feelings for one another, finally told one another, and you’d been ripped from his hands.

The other part of you remember that night, the night you’d been taken. The only thing that kept you sane was the look in Newt’s eyes as he watched you being dragged away. The desperation in the way he’d screamed your name, and fought against the hands that held him back so he could get to you. So, he could save you.

Six months later, and here he was.

You were at the back, behind rows and rows of other kids that had all suffered the same fate as yourself. You knew Aris and Sonya were near the front, quite a few rows ahead of yourself. And it was them that Thomas and Newt saw first the moment they finally broke open the door.

You felt your heart still, your entire body freeze in response. You saw Thomas first. Your brother, your big brother, and it made your eyes water in response. You’d missed him, missed the security of him. Having your memories back had been a blessing, but you’d only remembered Thomas was your brother for a short amount of time before you were ripped from his hands, again. Just like when WICKED, when Ava, had sent you in the maze. All to punish Thomas.

But that was nothing compared to the feeling that flooded through you at the sight of Newt. He looked the same, all the while he looked different. You’d missed him so much. You wanted to cry out for him, and Thomas, alert them that you were here. But you found your voice stuck in your throat, any words you wanted to say died the moment the reached the tip of your tongue.

“Aris,” Thomas called, relieved. Rushing to Aris’s and Sonya’s side, he crouched near them. “Hey, you guys okay?”

“Yeah,” Sonya nodded, “we’re fine.”

As Newt and Thomas stepped forward, Harriet followed, grabbing both Sonya and Aris in a tight hug.

Your heart sped as Newt and Thomas grew closer to you. It was a matter of seconds before they saw your face, but it felt like so much longer as you watched them walk along the different rows, no doubt in search for you and Minho.

Your happiness was just that dimmer - because, Minho wasn’t on this cart.

More people continued to walk on, but all of that drowned to the back of your mind the moment you met Thomas’s eyes. He was a few steps ahead of Newt now, and there were no words to explain his reaction at the sight of you. He paused in his step, lips parting as he uttered your name; “Y/N...” in a breathless whisper.

Him calling your name had caught the attention of Newt, but still Thomas turned around, desperate for Newt’s attention. With a desperate call of his name; ”Newt!” Thomas and Newt knew they’d saved you.

The two of them rushed forward, and a choked sob left your lips. Thomas fell before you, while Newt hung in the back, stunned. Your eyes met his, and you felt a tear fall down your cheek before your attention was stolen by Thomas. 

“Are you okay?” Thomas breathed, shaking his head. “I need the bolt cutters,” Thomas called, turning his head. “Now!”

Harriet rushed forward, sending you as smile as she squeezed past Newt and handed Thomas the bolt cutters. He didn’t wait another second before snapping the cuffs around your wrists, freeing you. 

The moment you were free, you stood up, wrapping your arms tightly around Thomas’s neck. He returned the hug by sliding his arms around your waist, squeezing tightly. With a breathless whisper, he sighed; “thank God you’re okay...”

You pulled back, smiling at him before Thomas, respectively stepped back, revealing Newt. You stood there for a moment, absolutely still as your lips curled into a soft smile, letting out a half-hearted chuckle. “Newt...” You whispered, eyes glistening.

It must of been the sound of your voice that pulled Newt out of his stupor, because in the next second his hands were on your cheeks, pulling you in for a kiss. You returned the kiss without hesitation, a chuckle of relief leaving your lips as you curled into Newt’s embrace. With his hands sliding to your back, you pulled back, a smile on your lips as you met his blue eyes. 

Newt shook his head; “I was so worried...” He breathed, the disbelief still evident in his gaze. “You’re okay?”

You nodded, cupping his cheek in your own. Newt’s hand fell on your black eye, frowning but you only shrugged off his concern. That was for another time, later, when things were more settled.

A hand fell on your shoulder, and turning, you glanced up at Thomas. 

“Minho?”

And just like that, the happiness you’d felt swarm within you disappeared. Pulling back from Newt’s embrace, you looked back and forth between the two of them before looking down at your feet. “We were kept separate,” you mumbled, voice low, “I haven’t seen him since that night.”

-

“Here, drink this.”

Glancing up from Newt’s side, you accepted the mug from Harriet’s hands with a grateful smile. The water felt amazing down your sore throat, and despite the black eye and how exhausted you were, you felt, for once, less scared.

“Took you guys long enough to rescue us,” Aris mumbled, chuckling softly.

Your eyes glanced at the wound covering his entire face, frowning softly.

“It’s good to see you, too, bud,” Thomas said, patting Aris’s knee. “So, what happened?” He asked, glancing at the three of you before settling on the many cuts and bruises that littered the entirety of Aris’s face. Your frowned deepened as the memory of that day resurfaced. 

“I fought back,” Aris nodded, “tried to, anyway.”

Thomas slowly glanced back at you, as did the rest as Newt pulled you closer against himself. With a frown, you pointed at your eye, shrugging. “This is from Janson,” you nodded, “when I saw the guards wailing on Aris, I fought back, like him. Janson punched me the moment I moved.”

A fainy chuckle left your lips, your finger tracing the edge of the cup. “Seemed like he’d been waiting to do that for a while.”

“You’re lucky you found us at all,” Sonya said, after a moment. “They had us on the move a lot. It felt like something big was happening.”

“Any idea where they were heading?” Newt asked, eyes sliding from Sonya to you.

“All I know is...” Aris started, shaking his head lightly, “they kept talking about a city.”

It wasn’t hard to noticed the stunned and baffled faces that befell your friends. Shuffling in her seat, Harriet furrowed her brows; “I didn’t think there were any cities left.”

“That’s because there aren’t,” Brenda spoke up, pulling your gaze behind yourself and on her. “Not still standing, anyway.”

“Okay, wait,” Thomas called, turning back around. “What about Minho? Why wasn’t he on the train?”

You glanced up, meeting Aris and Sonya’s gaze as a conversation passed between the two of you. Slowly, you turned your head to the right, eyes falling to your feet. “I’m sorry, Thomas,” you whispered, “he was.”

-

“You’re insane if you think i’m just gonna stay behind.”

“And you’re insane if you think i’m gonna let you come,” Newt spat back, pausing to glance back at you. “Especially after I just got you back.”

Shaking your head, you crossed your ams over your chest. “I’m not letting you go alone, Newt.”

“He’s not alone,” Fry spoke up, poking his head through the car window. With an innocent smile, he grinned at you. “He’s got me.” You glanced over at him, narrowing your eyes, silently telling him that this wasn’t the time. Fry, luckily, got the hint, settling back into the seat before rolling up the window to give the both of you a moment.

Instantly, you turned back to Newt. “Nothing you can say will change my mind.”

Frowning, Newt stepped towards you. His hands fell on your waist, tugging you forwards before your face was inches from his own. One hand then fell on your cheek, cupping your jaw as he let out a heavy breath. “I just got you back,” he whispered, slowly glancing up to meet your eyes. Your determination faltered slightly at his words, and the meaning behind them. “I can’t lose you again.”

Biting your lip, you glanced down, setting your hands on Newt’s chest. “Newt, when I was captured, there was only two things that kept me sane. You, Thomas and everyone back here and Minho. Hoping Minho was okay, praying that he was okay, is what kept me sane, just as much as you did.” You poked his chest, meeting his eyes. “He’s my friend, just as much as he is yours, Newt. And if you, Fry and Thomas are going to save him, then so am I.”

Newt frowned, deeply, probably because he knew what you said was true, but there was still a part of him that wanted to keep you out of dangers way. You understand, more than he’d ever known. Because as much as you wanted Minho back, you were also coming to keep Newt safe, as well.

“I just got you back too,” you whispered, voice breathless. “And i’m not leaving you now.”

Newt hesitated, just a moment, before he sighed. “Fine,” he nodded, albeit reluctantly, “but you stay by my side, okay?”

Immediately, you nodded, gripping his waist a little tighter for reassurance. “Okay.”

You heard footsteps, and instantly knew it was Thomas, Pulling back from Newt, you leant against the car to the boys left, biting your lip as you watched Thomas run up the stairs adjacent to you, head dipped down as he zipped up his backpack. 

Then, “where do you think you’re going then?”

Thomas slowed to a step at the sound of Newt’s voice, Newt flipped on the light next to him to reveal the both of you. Thomas’s eyes slid from Newt to you, his frown deepening when he met your eyes.

Letting his backpack fall by his side, Thomas sighed. “Guys...”

“Don’t be twat about it,” Newt chastised, stepping towards your brother. You let a small smile fall on your lips at his words, shaking your head. “I’m already in,” he said, taking the backpack from Thomas’s hands. “Come on.”

“Y/N?” Thomas asked, his eyes falling on you.

Shrugging your shoulders, you pushed up off the car just as Newt walked past you. “I’m not abandoning Minho, now.”

With a heavy sigh, Thomas shook his head, stepping forward. “No,” he huffed, “no, not this time.” He stopped before the two of you, just as Newt shut the car door behind him. 

“Look,” Thomas continued, “even if we find Minho, there’s no guarantee we make it back from this.”

“Well,” Newt smirked, “you’ll need all the help you can get then, won’t you?” Following his lead, you grabbed ahold of the door handle, opening the driver seats door, and revealing Fry. He leaned forward, leaning against the steering wheel as he smiled.

Thomas scoffed, shaking his head.

“Well, we started this together,” Newt reminded, “may as well end it that way, too.”

“Okay.” Thomas said, a minute of silence passing, “let’s go get him back.”

-

“You want us to go in there?”

You followed the direction Newt pointed, frowning. “I’m not sure that’s the best idea...” You mumbled, glancing briefly to your left as Fry walked past.

Thomas stopped beside Newt, map in hand as Newt teetered on the idea. “I don’t wanna come across as too negative,” he started, “but I mean, if I was a Crank, that’s exactly where I would be.”

Pulling his gaze up from the map for a moment, Thomas shook his head. “I don’t think we have much of a choice,” he explained.

Slowly, you let your eyes fall back on the way you were meant to go, biting your lip in anticipation. Yup, that dark, deep and scary tunnel definitely didn’t seem like the best choice. But, if it’d take you to Minho, then, you guessed it was worth it.

“All right,” Newt called, pulling your gaze on him as he shuffled back. “But, I get shotgun.”

You scoffed at him, rolling your eyes as you followed behind him. You walked to the back of the car, directly behind Newt’s seat, as you pulled open the door, sliding in. Fry, of course, went to the driver’s seat and Thomas slid in beside you. With one last hesitating breath, Fry started up the car, and begun driving.

Before you knew it, the four of you were far into the tunnel.

Newt leaned out the window, turning on his flashlight for a little bit of extra light as Fry inhaled deeply. “Well, here we go.”

You met Thomas’s eyes, inhaling deeply yourself as you leaned back against the seat. Thomas pointed his flashlight past you as you followed the direction of it, glancing around the tunnel with a mixture of curiosity and fear. There was no guessing or telling what awaited the four of you down in this tunnel, and you didn’t know if you wanted to find out.

“Yeah,” Newt nodded, “just take it nice and slow.”

Fry abided by Newt’s request, slowly driving through the many abandoned cars that surrounded you all. The few seconds of peaceful driving ended rather shortly, though, the moment you saw a figure up ahead.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Newt mumbled, just as Fry pulled the car to a stop.

Leaning forward, your shoulder bumped against Thomas’s as the both of you peered through the front window, warily glancing at the Crank before you. It’d yet to notice your guys existence, but you knew, one wrong move and that statement would no longer be true.

Fry and Newt turned their heads back at you and Thomas, just as the Crank began gagging and flinching inhumanely.

After a moment, Thomas nodded; “it’s okay,” he soothed, “it’s just one, so take it slow, go around him. We’ll be fine.”

“Take it slow,” Fry repeated, voice raspy, before setting his hands back on the steering wheel. He coughed slightly, taking another deep breath to prepare himself. “Take it slow.”

Newt leaned over, rolling up his window as you leaned against his seat. Meeting his eyes, you nodded, praying that everything would go smoothly.

Your praying seemed short-lived, as in the next second, you felt Thomas slam against you. Your lips parted in surprise, eyebrows drawn in in bafflement as you turned to ask him what was wrong. Your unasked question was answered the moment you saw the woman standing outside his window, hands pressed against the glass.

Setting your hands on Thomas’s shoulder, you shuffled so you were turned to the left, giving him more room to back up.

“Please,” the woman gasped, “please.” Before you knew it, her breathing grew rapid and she’d begun smacking against the side of the car. “Help me. Please. Please! Let me in!”

A yelp left your lips when a bang echoed beside you. Turning your head, your eyes widened at the sight of a man against your window, hands pressed against against the glass as he banged profusely. You and Thomas shuffled to the middle of the car, and you pressed into him tightly as you grabbed ahold of him in terror and panic.

“Okay, Fry, we gotta go.”

“Fry,” you called, voice flooding with alarm, “we need to go!”

“Please! Open the door!” The woman continued to cry.

More Cranks continued to surrounded the car, loudly thumping against the side of it.

“Just floor it, Fry!”

“Hold on!” Fry screamed, as you glanced warily around yourself in dread.

This was not good. This was not good.

The car zoomed forward, just as a Crank hopped onto the front trunk. It screeched loudly, bloodied face peering at the four of you as Fry continued to drive, going as fast as the car could possibly go.

The Crank begun pounding on the glass, cracking the window as it gnawed viciously.

“Woah, woah, woah!”

You held onto Newt’s seat and Thomas sightly, body tensing with trepidation, your entire body stilling with anticipation.

“Come on, Fry! Shake him!” 

“I’m trying!”

With a sharp turn to the left, the Crank ended up sliding to Fry’s window, as he let out a cry of terror. Fry continued to swerve left and right, your body sliding each way with the movement of the car. Sometimes Thomas slammed into you, sometimes you slammed into him.

“Hang on!” Fry bellowed, slamming the Crank hanging off the side of your car, against another. It rasped loudly in response, and your head flung behind you in response, watching as it’s body rolled away before slowing to a stop.

Before you could turn around and look yourself, you heard Thomas warn; “Frypan, watch out!” And then the car hit some sort of bump, before falling the the right. A groan left your lips as you slammed against the far end of the car, Thomas’s body falling on top of you. Then, the car had flipped upside down, and the top of your head hit the groan with a cry of pain leaving your lips.

You coughed, gagging, as did the others when dust flew into your faces.

“Everyone okay?” Thomas asked, his eyes falling on you.

With a groan, you nodded; “my head...”

“My hand...” Frypan mumbled, voice croaking. “My hand!”

The engine sputtered a stop, the lights turning off with a sudden blink, before you were enveloped in darkness. The only light left was Newt and Thomas’s flashlights.

Thomas shifted, until he was before you and his foot was able to reach the window next to Fry. “Fry, cover your eyes,” he advised, kicking his foot forwards and breaking the glass into tiny pieces.

“Shit, okay...” You groaned, “you okay, Newt?”

“Yeah,” he coughed, “you all right?”

You nodded just as Fry hissed; “shit, my hand.”

Thomas crawled forward, pulling himself through the window he’d just broken. “Wait, Thomas!” You called, scooting forward yourself. He extended his hand towards you, helping you pull yourself out. The moment you were out of the car safely, he helped you to your feet, hands falling on your shoulder to steady you.

You nodded up at him gratefully, coughing lightly.

“Wait, Y/N! The door!”

“Can you get out?”

Thomas rushed forward, pulling on the handle of the door, and yanking. It failed, as the door was stuck against something and with a sigh, you circled around.

“Newt,” Fry mumbled, “you all right?”

“Fry, go around,” Thomas called.

“I’m trying to go out!”

You reached the other side, a few steps ahead of Thomas, and crouched down to pull open the door. Before you could, it swung open, Newt falling out in response, with a huff. Your braced yourself, trying to help steady Newt as he pushed himself to his feet. Letting your hands fall on his waist, you pulled him against yourself.

“You okay?” You questioned, eyebrow raised in concern.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, “I think so.”

Thomas stepped up beside you, turning to the door. “Fry, you good?”

Whatever Frypan had been about to say was cut short by a loud scream. Instantly, your eyes snapped up from Newt and turned to your right. Your eyes widened in alarm when you saw the Crank who’d screeched stumbling forward, at a rather fast pace, headed straight for you.

Newt reached for the gun attached to his hip, cursing when he realized it wasn’t there. “Oh, shit...”

“Frypan,” you called, glancing down at him quickly. “I think we gotta move.”

“Wait a minute!” Fry bellowed, crawling back into the car.

“Right now!”

“Fry, now!”

Grabbing onto Newt’s arm, you slowly shuffled back, falling behind him as your eyes snapped between Fry and the Crank running directly for you.

“Come on, what are you doing? We need to go!”

“Come on!”

“Hold on!”

Turning to the car, you shuffled forward. “We have to go, Fry! Now!”

Once again, he only yelled; “hold on!” In the next moment he was crawling out of the car, jumping to his feet with a rifle in his hand. Turning to the Crank, he cocked the gun, shooting it directly in the stomach as he flipped, crashing to it’s stomach.

Panting, you stepped forward, staring down at the thing in disbelief.

“Nice shot, Fry,” Thomas panted.

“Thanks.”

Growling and screeching echoed once again, and when you looked up, there was a lot more than just one Crank running after you now.

“Okay, we gotta go!”

You shuffled back, Thomas pulling on your arm before spinning. You, Newt and Thomas begun to run forwards as Fry hung back, holding the rifle out before him as he continued to shoot.

“Fry,” you screamed, “come on, let’s go!”

“Go, go, go!”

Once again, you all broke out into a sprint, your feet moving as fast as possible beneath you as the sound of the Cranks screeching continued to echo around you. But, you all quickly halted to a stop, when more Cranks appeared before you. You shuffled back, nearly tripping over your own feet as you grabbed ahold of Newt, bumping into him.

“Watch out,” you called to Fry, watching as Crank reached out for him.

“Fry, you got any left?” Thomas asked, referring to his gun.

“Yeah!” Without another word, Fry begun shoot at the Cranks before you and behind you.

“Okay, this way, this way,” Thomas warned, gesturing to the Cranks creeping up behind your backs.

“What do we do?” You asked aloud, heading snapping both ways with wide, panicked eyes.

“Okay, Fry, other way, other way!”

Fry listened, turning back the other way. He pressed the trigger, but no bullet came out and with fright, he tried reloading the gun, failing. “I’m out!” He called, cocking his gun uselessly.

The Cranks, on either side, continued to shuffled forwards, growing closer and closer by the minute. You could feel your heart quiet literally leaping out of your throat in hysteria, your mind growing blank at ideas on how to get out of this one.

“Shit!” Thomas cursed.

You grabbed onto Newt’s hand tightly, turning to him with wide eyes. Was this it?

-

let me know what you thought? remember, reblogging always helps!

[thebustedandtheblue]

The Busted pt. 1

This is legit the first time I’ve written fanfiction in close to 15 years. Let’s hope it’s okay. I’m going to try and combine a bit of the comics with the MCU, because there’s a lot in the spacey part of Marvel that I like.

“Have you been to Knowhere before?”

“No…”

“You’ll like it. You can find just about anything in Knowhere.”

He was a newly minted Ravager, all in black to match the others of his new clan. Yondu looked at his superior officer, Stakar. It had only been six, maybe seven, months since he had been rescued by Stakar. A fresh twenty-one years old. He looked out the starbard window and saw the monstrosity that was Knowhere. A climate controlled city in a celestial’s skull. He had heard of it before but hearing about it and seeing it were two different things.

“Yeah I’m sure I will”

It was a short trip. Out to a buyer and then on to something else. But not without spending a little of their hard earned units. Off they went to the diviest of dive bars that Knowhere had to offer. It had everything. Liquor like paint thinner, beer like piss, and the saddest stripper bots money did not want to buy. Just the place for the Ravagers.

Yondu wasn’t feeling it. He was unsure of what to do. He sat there and nursed his drink while some of the others fed units into the depressed ladydroids. Stakar has taken notice.

“Yondu try and enjoy yourself.”

Yondu shruged. “I’m fine.” He went back to scanning the room and slowly drinking his beer.

“No you’re not fine. When was the last time you had a good time?”

He shot his commanding officer a glance. Yondu fell silent again.

Stakar sighed, exasperated. “Look, Yondu, we’re not going to punish you for enjoying yourself. Get out there, find a girl, do...something. Your scowling is bringing everyone else down.”

Yondu kept silent.

“If I have to give you an order…”

“Alright I’m goin!” He exclaimed. He downed his drink and went over to the bar. If he was going to be forced into having fun it’ll be the cross-eyed kind. Yondu ordered another drink. Something stronger.

She needed a target.

A mark. Someone to ‘trade places’ with. It wasn’t safe for her on Knowhere anymore. It wasn’t safe for her anywhere if she was going to be honest with herself. Which she wasn’t. But in her mind, anywhere was better than Knowhere. She scanned the bar she called home at the moment for someone, anyone, who looks like they wouldn’t put up much of a fight and didn’t look like they lived THERE.

Near the big window in front of the bar. He had come in with a group lead by an arcturan.

Blue skin and dressed in dark leathers. He had the look of someone weary but not experienced, with a young face struck with a weary suspicion. He had been pouring the local rotgut down his throat for the better part of 20 minutes. He was bigger than she was hoping for but no matter. He’d do in a pinch. She can improvise a bit. She finished her drink and made haste towards the bar. She needed to stay sharp. Stay focused. There was an insignia on his coat that she had seen before but she could not exactly place where. A gold starburst or a flame. It didn’t matter. Her mark mattered. She crouched down and started her shift. Centauri was easy enough. Green to blue with a bright red fin to replace her sable hair. Violet fatigues into something more revealing. Something to pique his interest. Her eyes changed little. A brighter red. It wasn’t the best shift but it would have to do. She hoped it was enough to get his attention.

Through the crowded club she meandered. Keeping her eye on the the leather trench until she was nearly to the bar. He seemed very occupied with his drink but the try-hard scowl he had when he walked in had melted into a hungry sneer. He was feeding units into a robot gyrating on the pole behind the bar. Maybe something living could get his attention.

Yondu was actually starting to have fun. The liquor was terrible but at least he was feeling a bit better because of it. And he was enjoying the view. Sure the stripper bots barely had any life to them but the more they danced and the more he drank the less he cared. He noticed someone come up next to him. A woman. A centaurian woman.

“Hello, stranger” She said, leaning into him. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around before. Are you new?”

He looked at her with a bit of surprise. Must’ve been some time since he had seen a woman centaurian. Or maybe all the booze had gone to his head and he was hallucinating. He eyed her a few times before his mood changed back to his scowls and continued feeding units into the sad, sad robot rotating on the pole.

“Aw come on, don’t be that way.” She cooed. “You look like you could use a little fun!” One arm snaked around his waist while the other guided his hand around her shoulders. “Yer the first Centaurian I’ve seen in a while y’know. Nice to see one in a uniform too. You a cop or something?”

“I ain’t a cop” he finally answered. He was trying to ignore her but she was making it very difficult.

“Good ‘cause I don’t date cops. I do like the uniform though. Where’re you from, honey?”

A quick glance her way. “Not here.”

“I can see that. Can you at least tell me yer name?” She pleaded, leaning into him.

He finally looked her way. She was pretty, he’d give her that, but she wasn’t anything to write home about. “What do you want?”

“I just want to have a good time, honey.”

He took a swig of the mystery liquor and ordered another. “Yondu.”

A warm smile crept onto her face. “Well, Yondu, I’m Posca.” Her hand moved from his waist to the back of his head. She touched the base of the fin on his head and his defensive posture let up. “Now that we’re friends, how about we get better acquainted? Maybe buy me a drink?”

Fuck it. Stakar told him to enjoy himself, so he was going to do it the way he wanted.

“S-Stakar!” He called out. The leader stopped to turn and look, along with everyone else in the group.

“I umm...I need to...uh…” Yondu couldn’t find his words. He looked down at the Centaurian girl plastered to him. She looked up with pleading ruby eyes. Stakar saw the two of them. He looked at his other officers who were giving looks back as if to say “it’s up to you”.

“You got two hours, then get back to the ship” He said.

She tightened her grip on him slightly and looked up at him with a wicked grin. She planted a light kiss on his neck.

“You still want that drink?” He asked Posca.

“I know a place not far where we can go, darling.” She said softly.

This was exactly what she needed.

She laid him down on the musty bed in a hotel not far from the club. She drove her hands up and down his body to get a feel of what was to come. He was broader than she had guessed. She started to undress him, but he pushed her off of him and began to do it himself. He was damned near all muscle, and riddled with scars. While he was busy fumbling with his trousers, she had him. She had done this before, when she was with the empire. He had stopped his groping when he began to notice her body harden. He looked upon his own reflection staring back at him with a wicked smile. It was the last thing he saw before a shock against his temples, and then succumbed to blackness.

“Yondu? Yondu!” Stakar called on their comms. He wasn’t going to deny letting the kid get his rocks off, but they had to get moving. What was he doing proposing to her?

Out of the alley way he came, stuffing himself back into his leathers. “Sorry! Sorry…” He said. “Took...a bit longer than I thought.” he said, a sheepish grin plastered to his face.

Stakar eyed him. “Right. Get on board.”

With a quick ‘yessir!’ Yondu hurried onto the ship along with the others. There was something off about him, but Stakar let it go. Yondu was young. This minor infraction might have set him back but it wasn’t anything worth pursuing. It was only what? Five extra minutes? He was probably overcompensating. Stakar boarded the ship and headed out.

Yondu woke with his head in a vice and a breeze on his everything. She had knocked him out and stole the shirt right off his back. And his pants right off his ass. She left him his underwear and his boots. How nice of her. If he found her he was going to beat her ass black and dump her naked out the airlock of the Starhawk. But first he needed to make a call. He had an idea as to who that whore was and if she was on Stakar’s ship he was going to know about it.

This was a mistake.

Now Not-Yondu remembered what that flame insignia was. The Ravagers. He sat in the M-ship looking around trying not to draw attention to himself or the fact that he was sweating profusely. Part of it was from knowing that if he gave any indicator that he wasn’t their friend he would be looking at a dozen angry pirates looking to turn him in for the bounty on his head. The shift itself was beginning to put a strain on him. He was taller and broader than her, and he had to concentrate hard to keep the shape. That, and ungodly sweltering heat from wearing fifty pounds of leather was making her sweat. Everything this guy had worn was leather save for his tighty whities, which she had mercifully left on him in. He had been too big to do a clothed shift, and so she had to strip him. She almost felt bad for leaving him there in that fleabag hotel room, but not bad enough to take clothes and his face. If he was lucky he could slip off once they docked with their ship and from there, take an m-ship and find some planet to disappear into. No more worrying about the empire, no Kree, no endless, fruitless infighting.

But first he had to get out of this damned getup and back in his own skin.

They docked with the larger ship. Something called the Starhawk, and he bolted out of his seat and onto the larger ship.

“Hey Yondu!” He froze. Was that his name? She couldn’t remember. That was what the arcturan man called him wasn’t it? “Where you off in a hurry? Ain’t you gonna tell us about that pretty young thing you were with?”

This plan of his was starting to go sour already, he knew it.

“I-in a bit I gotta hit the head first.” Not-Yondu replied and wandered off in a direction.

“Yondu, the bathroom’s the other way” One of them corrected.

“Oh right. Sorry.” He turned around and headed down the corridor.

“You gettin’ sick?” The other asked. “You don’t look all that great, man. Maybe you should go to the infirmary yer lookin kinda...green.” He turned to the first. “Do centaurians turn green when they’re sick?"

Why were they still talking he had to get going. Sl’Gurt’s ever-changing asshole what was with these guys.

“Yeah I’ll do that” was his reply and started walking down the corridor again.

He turned the corner, walked down past a mess hall, turned another corner and another and down a flight of stairs. He was somewhere deep in the belly of the ship now. This looked secluded as it was going to get and he shifted back into her own body with a long resounding sigh of relief. She wanted out of these leathers and the sooner the better. She’d hold on to them for a bit. Might need them later. The rocket arrow she took off him wasn’t worth much without the control fin but it could get her a meal if she sold it as is.  She just needed to stay low for a few hours. Wait for them to sleep and-

Glaring red lights and sirens were going off. An “all hands on deck” sounded in the alarms. So much for that plan. She redressed herself as quickly as she could. She couldn’t remember exactly what he looked like now. She’d just have to improvise. Not as tall, not as broad, same brick headed face and a mouth full of broken teeth. Hopefully it’ll be enough to convince them that he was this Yondu guy.

Back up to the common areas and everyone was on full alert. It was a small crew, maybe twenty or so, clustered around a video screen. He tried to stay as far back as he could but he needed to know what everyone was looking at.

“Hey” Not-Yondu asked someone next to him. “What’s going on?”

“The new kid got duped by a hook-“ the ravager stopped as he turned to look at him.

Not-Yondu could systematically feel every person in the room turn and gawk at him. Across the way was the arcturan with the gold hoops on his shoulders. Behind him were some of the others who had come along. Behind them, on the screen, was a familiar brick headed face with a mouth full of sharp teeth and eyes full of murder.

“That’s her! That’s the bitch that done took my clothes!”

Not-Yondu had fucked up bad.

“I can explain.” He said. Not-Yondu turned and ran.

[staircasttext]

Ep 07 Transcript: A Lawless, Bloodly Time

Episode 7

PAZ: Hi everyone, welcome back to Stairway to StarClan, a Warriors Cat reread pawdcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: I'm Liz.

PAZ: And joining us today, we have a special guest.

ALIX: Hi, I'm Alix.

PAZ: Very excited to have another Warriors expert, Alix, on the podcast.

ALIX: I'm so happy to be here. This is my favorite podcast.

PAZ: Why, thank you. Yeah, so we're all here today with a guest to do like a wrap up episode on Into the Wild cause I think it would be fun, and love to hear from other former Warriors fans and--

ALIX: I'm a current Warriors fan. Excuse you.

PAZ: Yeah. We're-- I don't know. What's the word for when you get back into something? I don't know. We're in it again.

JULIAN: Returning fans.

ALIX: The lapsed fans. Reformed. Reborn.

PAZ: Mm... no?

ALIX: Born again.

JULIAN: Resurrected.

PAZ: Baptized in the waters of RiverClan.

JULIAN: We've done it again, everyone. Fireheart has become Catholic.

PAZ: No. How does this keep happening? We've only been recording for like, two minutes. God. Okay. Um, yes, this is our Into the Wild recap, retrospective episode. But to start, I think we should, you know, get to hear from Alix, like what your relationship to Warriors is.

ALIX: Yeah, so I read these when I was a kid. Probably from when I was something like eight years old. So I don't actually remember how I got into these books. But they were my first major obsession. And I would, you know, tell anybody who would listen about them. I would draw little family trees. I would play Warrior Cats with my sister in the field near our house. Yeah, I love these books. And I started reading them again because of the podcast. And they're good. They're like, legit good.

LIZ: They are.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah, it's like beyond even just the nostalgia factor. Like I'm very much enjoying these books.

ALIX: Yeah, these were the first thing that ever got me to go on fanfiction.net.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Wow.

ALIX: Although I never posted any Warriors fanfiction, I read a lot of it and commented on various, you know, like OC adventures. And I got, you know, a random kit named after my second name, which was fun.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: I also read some Warriors fanfic on fanfic.net. And it was always like, OC. I never read any fanfic, like, featuring just the original characters. I don't know.

ALIX: I don't think I did either.

PAZ: I'll have to look back on.

ALIX: But you know, that's how I kind of got into fanfiction and then I started posting Maximum Ride fanfiction eventually.

JULIAN: A natural transition.

ALIX: Yep. You know, from cats to kids with wings.

PAZ: I also, yeah.

ALIX: And then, you know, I've been in fandom for like 13 years now. And it's how I met all of you guys. So I think it's a good thing that Warriors has done for me.

PAZ: Thank you, Warriors.

ALIX: Thank you Warriors.

LIZ: Warriors, bringing us again together in these dark times.

JULIAN: In this, the darkest hour.

PAZ: In these unprecedented times. Well, I'm very excited to have you on the podcast. But, you know, since you're our guest here, I thought maybe we could quiz you on the book to make sure you're really like up to par for the--

ALIX: To be on the show?

PAZ: Yeah, to be on this show, this very like, well-researched, dedicated show.

ALIX: Well, thank god, you know, I was hoping you wouldn't just let just anyone on the show. Only verified Warrior Cats experts.

PAZ: Yeah, we have to vet you. So luckily there is a quiz on warriorcats.com. An official quiz, How Well Do You Know Into the Wild? So get ready.

ALIX: Do you want me to take it, or do you want me to answer it and then you can put in the answers for me?

PAZ: Yeah, you can answer and we'll read it out.

ALIX: Okay.

PAZ: Okay, you ready?

ALIX: I'm ready. I have my copy of Into the Wild here, but I won't cheat.

PAZ: No cheating. Please, book away.

JULIAN: This is a closed book test.

ALIX: Of course.

PAZ: Who first received the prophecy about fire? A, Bluestar, B, Oakheart, C, Rusty, D, Tigerclaw, or E, Spottedleaf. Oh,

ALIX: I believe it was Spottedleaf?

PAZ: Okay, I think you're right.

ALIX: It's between that and Bluestar. I think they talk about it for sure.

PAZ: Aw, I think you only get to see at the end.

ALIX: Well, okay.

PAZ: We'll see. I think you're right. What was Firepaw's name when he was a kittypet?

ALIX: Okay, quiz.

PAZ: A, Smokey, B, Smudge, C, Henry, D, Rusty, E, Blaze.

ALIX: I'm going to say Rusty.

LIZ: Blaze...

ALIX: God I wish his name was Blaze.

JULIAN: Justice for Henry.

PAZ: Who becomes deputy immediately after Redtail? A, Lionheart, B, Whitestorm, C, Tigerclaw, D, Firepaw, E, Mousefur. That'd be incredible.

LIZ: This baby is my deputy.

ALIX: It is Lionheart.

PAZ: Yes. Okay.

ALIX: I feel like Mousefur only shows up in one scene.

PAZ: Yeah, Mousefur is not really in this book. What happens when Bluestar's patrol passes through the barn on the way back to camp? A, Barley betrays them. B, rats attack them. C, the dogs get loose and attack them. D, they pass through the barn peacefully. E, Firepaw stays with Barley and lives as a loner. That's some AU fanfic.

ALIX: Yeah, that would be a twist. Well, the answer is that rats attack them, and Bluestar loses a life.

PAZ: They sure fucking do.

ALIX: Barley would never betray them.

PAZ: No.

ALIX: This quiz offends me.

PAZ: That's homophobic frankly.

ALIX: Honestly.

PAZ: Who does Ravenpaw claim killed Redtail? A, Oakheart, B, Tigerclaw, C, himself.

[laughter]

D, Bluestar.

LIZ: Tigerclaw wrote this quiz.

PAZ: He did.

ALIX: Is there an E?

PAZ: E, Whitestorm.

ALIX: It is Tigerclaw and I would just want to say, claim? Like what is this, like a news headline?

PAZ: Tigerclaw wrote this quiz.

JULIAN: It's important to show both sides.

PAZ: Snopes.com article. Number six. What are Firepaw and Graypaw's warrior names? A. Aw, there's some good ones here.

ALIX: A, Bananaear and Susanclaw.

PAZ: Firestorm and Graycloud.

ALIX: Ooh.

PAZ: Fireleaf and Graystream, Firedusk and Graycreek, Fireheart and Graystripe, or Firefur and Graytail.

ALIX: Wow. I'm going to say Fireheart and Graystripe but these are all have really powerful energy.

JULIAN: I'm really partial to Firedusk and Graycreek. They have like really chaotic energy.

PAZ: Yeah, Graycreek is hard to pronounce. I just want to say gay. Gaycreek.

ALIX: Gaycreek.

PAZ: Cause with the two R's in there, it's too much.

ALIX: Yeah. It is Gay Creek.

PAZ: Well, Alix, you got six out of six. Well done.

LIZ: Wow.

ALIX: Wow.

PAZ: You can count yourself among the true masters of all things warriors.

ALIX: Wow.

LIZ: If you get a six out of six, I think you just become the new podcast host. Sorry, guys.

ALIX: Yeah, welcome to my podcast, Stairway to Starclan. I have three guests this week.

PAZ: Oh shit.

LIZ: It's an honor to be here.

JULIAN: Alix has pulled a Tigerclaw.

LIZ: That's why. They're a real fan.

ALIX: I'm so glad all my studying paid off. I'm still laughing at that centrist question. I wonder how well I could have answered these questions before I reread the book recently. I feel like I might have gotten tripped up on the prophecy one.

PAZ: Yeah. The official website is so hard because you can't just sort by, like quizzes or anything. Maybe you can. It's tagged quiz, but I don't know how to see tags. I don't know. The website is a mess. It loads like, so slow also.

JULIAN: It's very slick looking. But I feel like they put a lot of effort into the design and not a lot of effort into like, the back end.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Yeah.

ALIX: Too bad.

PAZ: It's too powerful, too, and not, like--

LIZ: Done?

PAZ: I forgot the gamer term I was gonna-- well-optimized. Yeah, so now that we all know we know Into the Wild very well and by heart, yeah, like, in retrospect, like, what do we want to say about it and like, what-- I don't know, like, what new things did we learn? Like, I guess to the returning fans.

ALIX: I thought I was-- I had this idea in my head that training took like, he started at six moons, and it takes exactly six moons, but I forgot that it's just like, whenever Bluestar decides you're done.

PAZ: Yeah, it is like that.

JULIAN: Yeah, I also remembered training being a lot longer, I think because like, when I was doing roleplay, training was such a big part of it. And it was such like a structured-- because you had to get like a certain number of posts to become a warrior. So there was a lot of just like, Oh, I'm gonna write my training posts. I hope my friend who's already a warrior will pretend to teach me to hunt.

PAZ: I feel like maybe some of the later books spend longer on the training. I feel like there's a lot of like, timeskips off screen during this. Because it was at least a couple of months.

ALIX: I think you guys are saying like, they originally planned this to be one book.

PAZ: Yeah.

ALIX: And you can definitely tell that they were, you know, they're kind of trying to sort of usher Fireheart through the whole, like, warriors process fairly quickly, even if it's six books instead of one.

PAZ: Yeah, cause I don't know, maybe I might be misremembering, but I feel like in the Power of Three, they're apprentices for, like, at least more than one book because they, I mean, they start out as kits.

JULIAN: Yeah, I definitely thought that Fireheart didn't become a warrior until book two. So realizing that he's like a warrior at the end of book one was a surprise to me.

PAZ: Yeah, he feels so small.

JULIAN: He's just a little guy.

ALIX: And justice for Sandpaw and Dustpaw.

PAZ: Oh, my God. I know.

ALIX: Like, sure, they're kind of bullies. But like, that doesn't mean you get to like fail them out of high school.

PAZ: They're super seniors now. You know, yeah. Honestly, though, it seems like a lot of clans it's just like, whatever the leader wants is how the rules work, apparently.

ALIX: Yeah, damn.

PAZ: I don't-- no, the leaders don't get elected either. It's just like, whoever fucking was deputy.

ALIX: Yeah. They get elected by the former leader through nepotism.

PAZ: Through nepotism. Yeah, the society. It's unreal.

JULIAN: Feral cats, I have concerns about your societal structure. I think you should get a parliament going.

ALIX: Truly.

LIZ: And the nepotism that we're presented with is better than the straight up just like monarchy in ShadowClan, right? The options you have here. They're so-- they're grim.

PAZ: Well, I hope ShadowClan gets over that monarchy thing. Get well soon. But I guess what I got out of this book is I like Firepaw more than I did as a kid when I thought he was too boring and didn't continue reading. I think he's endearing as like a dumb little little guy. You know, I have appreciation for like, like, loves their friend shonen protag archetype now.

ALIX: Yeah.

JULIAN: I feel like I came to these books off of Redwall as a kid. And so I was so-- Redwall is full of like, really, really stupid protagonists. So I was primed to appreciate like a little himbo who loves his friends and wants to do what's right and good. Yeah, but I love him. I was worried I wouldn't like him as much the second time around, and I do. He's a sweet little boy.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah, I'm excited to see how reading the first series in which he is the protagonist will color my rereadings of the later books, because when I was reading the series for the first time, he was just like another NPC essentially. And like I vaguely knew, like, what was up with his story, but I think I'll be more emotionally attached to some of the scenes he gets in like later books now.

ALIX: I do think like this, this book reminded me like how extremely appealing they make the whole Warriors way of life. Like it really is something you want to fantasize about being, even though they're like a bunch of like stinky cats in the woods. I still, like as a 23 year old, I'm like, damn, I wish I could get out there and sleep in a bush and walk on a log. You know?

PAZ: Yeah. I remember loving the descriptions of the camp in the later books so much. And it's like yes, I do want to sleep in like a little cave with moss. I do.

ALIX: Every time me and my sister would go camping or something or just, you know, go to some area that had like, that was natural, we would always try to find a cat camp and be like, Okay, this is like where the leader would make announcements. This is where the medicine cat would sleep.

JULIAN: Aw.

LIZ: Aw.

ALIX: It was a very fun activity that I recommend anytime you're in the woods.

LIZ: All right, make a note everybody.

JULIAN: Next time I go on one of my silly little walks.

LIZ: We're gonna get to a Patreon tier, and it's called going to camp in the woods and be cats.

PAZ: We're gonna LARP for money?

LIZ: Yes.

ALIX: #makeCrabClanReal.

PAZ: Okay.

ALIX: I'll pay for it. Listen, I'll sign up.

LIZ: We will set up our own society.

ALIX: And just live there?

LIZ: Yeah.

ALIX: Great.

PAZ: I think we're just reinventing like utopian communes of the 70s.

JULIAN: I was gonna say, yeah.

ALIX: But were they based off a middle grade book? I don't think so.

JULIAN: Patreon tier, Staircast invents a cult.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: Oh god.

ALIX: Liz, I'm so like, curious if there was anything that you thought was going to happen in this book that didn't?

LIZ: I thought that they were going to get Tigerclaw like instantly at the end, and that would be it.

ALIX: Right.

LIZ: They did not. Understandably. I just felt like they would. But um yeah, I know that he's like, going to be around for a while, just given like--

PAZ: Yeah, sorry.

LIZ: --name changes that I've seen.

PAZ: I haven't censored his, uh, yeah. Look away. Cover your ears.

LIZ: Alright, closing my eyes. Someone has to stop the Audacity file for me. Um, yeah, I don't know. I went into this just knowing nothing, except that there would be little guys and I liked it a lot. And yeah, I was-- saying I was surprised that it was so engagingly written sounds condescending. But like, I just didn't expect to be so invested. And it is like, storywise very, like solidly crafted. There's some good plot beats. Course I love the characters because they are just little guys. I do want to just take a nap in some moss even though it's probably real stinky.

ALIX: Here's my question. When do you think they are going to get Tigerclaw? Like in what book out of six? Or like, you know, I don't know, if perhaps he continues on past the first series?

LIZ: I don't know. The way you phrase that made me real suspicious. At the end of the next series?

ALIX: Whoa.

PAZ: Oh.

JULIAN: Ooh.

ALIX: Interesting.

JULIAN: Some real longevity on this guy.

LIZ: Well, I'm putting a real slow, slow game here. Like a slow bet. None of these terms are real, I think. I'm getting safer with the predictions because just right away did not work.

ALIX: Yeah, I mean, that's a good point. Like he could have, really easily been like, villain of the week.

PAZ: Yeah, he could have. Yeah, that's kind of what-- well I guess Brokenstar wasn't really onscreen that much. But he had more of a villain of the week vibe. But I don't know. He's still out there somewhere. The ShadowClan stuff is very off screen, which is kinda funny.

JULIAN: Yeah, I liked it. But I kind of wish there had been more focus on it. I know it's hard to kind of keep two antagonists going.

PAZ: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: But it felt like it was very, like it was all at the end there.

PAZ: Yeah. I guess I tried to, like, weave it in through Yellowfang. Which was like an interesting choice. It wasn't totally out of the blue, but definitely like it felt like-- you'd like expected it to like-- the climax to like center on Tigerclaw. And then it swerved and it was like actually, ShadowClan's like, fucked up monarchy situation.

ALIX: It's-- okay. I can't say this because of spoilers, but I'm mad about it.

LIZ: Hold on. I'll close my ears. And then you can say it.

PAZ: No.

ALIX: I will not say it. I will say it in our Warrior Cats spoiler chat later.

LIZ: I'll get in there someday.

JULIAN: You will.

PAZ: I think we can let you in there once we finish the Power of Three because that's up to where all of us read.

JULIAN: There's not really-- like, if there's spoilers for later books, it's not because we read them.

PAZ: I've been spoiling myself for later books. I don't care. Just clicking around.

LIZ: Reckless.

PAZ: I mean, I guess a pleasant surprise for me was finding out there's gay cats, canonically.

JULIAN: Yeah, that was really nice.

PAZ: I didn't know that.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: I mean, even if it's kind of like, wink wink, nudge nudge because the publisher won't let it be explicitly said, I guess, from what I've read, but it made me very happy.

ALIX: Yeah. I think this book has really surprisingly complex characters in at least like Yellowfang and Ravenpaw.

PAZ: Yeah, they're definitely my two favorite characters of this book.

ALIX: The gay ones.

PAZ: Yeah. Love Barley, too. Of course.

LIZ: I did quickly google, are there gay owls in Gahoole, and the answer seems to be no. So Warrior Cats, you've got one thing. You've got several things over that right now.

ALIX: I mean, the cats aren't blacksmiths, which is a disappointment, but I guess, you know, if you're gay don't have time to be blacksmiths.

LIZ: You don't need a blacksmith if you're gay.

PAZ: No, you don't. It's just vibes.

ALIX: Just vibe.

PAZ: I'm excited to get to the other gay character so we can talk about him also.

ALIX: Oh, yes. We need lesbian cats.

PAZ: Yeah. That seems to be lacking. I hope they get on that.

JULIAN: Some wlw representation please.

PAZ: Please. I am excited for the New Prophecy where like the Leafpool and Moth... Wait, who is it? God.

ALIX: Mothwing?

PAZ: Mothwing, Yeah, I know lots of people shipped them, and I think as a child I didn't--

ALIX: You got the vibe?

PAZ: --notice anything so. I want those vibes on that reread.

ALIX: Yeah. Another interesting thing I think is that, um, I think it becomes very explicit later that StarClan is real and tangible. But like, I was surprised that in this book, like, I mean, there's like the whole like, Moonstone prophecy thing, but like StarClan seems much less like, there, if that makes sense.

PAZ: Yeah, like, as Julian noted in the first episode, I feel like it gets more magical, like with each passing series.

JULIAN: Yeah. My memory of like, the first episode, or the first series is very much like StarClan is there but like, as a religious force, and not as like an actual entity with power in the world.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah. I mean, even in this book, it can be kind of ambiguous because like, with, like the Bluestar nine lives things, it could reasonably be read like she just got injured really bad.

ALIX: She's just cool and strong.

PAZ: But yeah, StarClan gets real involved later.

JULIAN: Her nine girlboss lives.

ALIX: All girlbosses have nine lives.

LIZ: The StarClan thing is surprising to hear about as to what happens later on because, like, for me going in, it seems to be just like placement as religion I guess. It's like the system of spirituality for me. That's the impression that I got from this book. So seeing that it's-- I'm assuming like, actual StarClan cats are gonna show up. That's like, very interesting.

ALIX: I mean, even I haven't kind of gotten to where it becomes way more of a plot point, I think.

PAZ: From what I've read of spoilers of the later seasons, it really just escalates. Which is very funny. But I guess they also like, built in a system in which to have characters come back, if you just have this like dead cat group hanging around.

ALIX: Like Spottedleaf, who dies so fast.

PAZ: Oh, my god, that was another thing.

LIZ: I mean, it was very sudden. I also didn't expect that.

ALIX: People kinda die left and right in this book.

PAZ: Yeah, that's so true.

JULIAN: Yeah, that's one thing I didn't remember is like, I remembered them being like, very, you know, battle-focused and whatever. But I did not remember how easily characters die, and how many characters die, and like how violent they are. Which I think is partly like, as a kid you don't really conceive of violence as like a real thing as much. And then, like, you're reading about these cats, like tearing each other's throats out as an adult. It's like, Oh, geez.

PAZ: Yeah, and this book was not even, like, nowhere near that levels of violence that show up later.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah. No.

ALIX: But they just like introduce and kill characters so fast and this and I feel like that doesn't really continue.

PAZ: Yeah, that might be like a byproduct of them thinking this would be the only series or even like, initially one book. Cause I think even after this expanded into a series, they thought it'd just be like one standalone series. They didn't think it would keep going. So they're probably like, way less precious with characters.

ALIX: Goodbye, Lionheart. Goodbye, Spottedleaf.

JULIAN: Pour one out.

ALIX: Do we feel-- I forget if you guys talked about like whether or not Spottedleaf is like fridged wife trope.

PAZ: No, we didn't. Partially because like in this book, it really doesn't-- I mean, it doesn't feel like a romance. And I don't think it should. It feels very much like baby's first crush on like older person who is not getting involved in any way.

ALIX: Gives him herbs.

PAZ: Gives him herbs. Yeah, classic trope.

LIZ: Yeah, it feels like, when she actually dies, it's like a kind of a growing up moment, almost like, oh, something got real. And this person who I just had like a regular crush on, got caught in the crossfire. Not that cats have guns.

ALIX: God, I hope not.

PAZ: It doesn't linger on it very long. Although from what I know of Fire and Ice, I think it revisits that plot point. But yeah, in this book, it felt very like unimportant, in a way.

ALIX: He doesn't spend a lot of time going, oh no, but if Spottedleaf had lived, then we would have been mates. He's just like, this is sad.

PAZ: No, yeah. Which is fine. Because she was definitely like, presented as an older figure. I don't know.

JULIAN: Yeah. I think we get more into, like, how he feels about that in the later books, where he does some processing. He also hasn't had any time to really have any feelings. Not that I think of him as like a real emotional cat. But, you know, it's been-- he's had a busy couple days.

ALIX: He hasn't had time to tell Bluestar.

LIZ: Oh no.

PAZ: I was gonna say, there's not much like internal self reflection, or like thoughts in this book. And yeah, there's no thoughts going on in that head at all. Also, just like, I don't need to tell Bluestar.

ALIX: He is no thoughts head empty.

PAZ: I mean, that's like one of the ways you can like-- if you've read other books, you can kind of like feel how this is like the first book because I do feel like, in some way the characters have less like, complex inner lives, in a way where like, personal drama and angst becomes very central in later books.

ALIX: Yeah, if this were a later cat, I feel like he would be way sadder than he is at any point in this book.

PAZ: Yeah. For sure.

ALIX: He's just happy to be here.

JULIAN: He's just vibing.

PAZ: He really loves being a little wildcat. He loves that he kept his balls.

JULIAN: Okay, yeah, no, that's the main thing that I don't remember from when I was a child.

PAZ: Oh god, yeah.

JULIAN: Revisiting these is like, Oh, yeah, okay, there's a lot of focus on whether cats are intact or not.

ALIX: You said intact like as if they were a virgin.

JULIAN: That's what they call it with like horses. Where it's like--

LIZ: Do they? Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yeah, where it's like an intact stallion.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Ugh, that's weird.

JULIAN: I know, it's really awful.

ALIX: I never was into horses. So.

PAZ: I was, but not-- I didn't care about that stuff.

LIZ: I also was, but I didn't know anything about them, and I kept not knowing anything about them the whole time I was interested in them. I read Black Beauty and like, the book said that he was like a gelding and I was like, what's that? I'm not gonna pay attention.

ALIX: I read a lot of different horse books.

LIZ: Must be a different horse.

ALIX: And they'd be like, oh, this is a gelding. And I'm like, is that a type of horse? Cool. Smiley face. Let's move on.

JULIAN: I had a lot of friends who actually rode and like, either owned horses or like, lived on working farms.

PAZ: Yeah, my aunt owned horses, but I don't know. I wasn't that involved. She didn't like teach me horse facts or anything. I just got to ride on a horse sometimes.

LIZ: We really are just like, wow, cool horse.

PAZ: Yeah, the ball focus is so funny. And it really truly is the basis of the entire series.

ALIX: Yeah. I cannot wait for you guys to get to a specific point in the next book which relates to this.

PAZ: Oh boy.

JULIAN: I feel like the reproductive politics of these books are very interesting. And I'm like--

ALIX: They are.

JULIAN: --interested or like, excited to like, talk more about their whole situation.

PAZ: Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of points that I am, like, I guess excited or, like, look forward to talking more about or like, like, being able to do that. Also like ableism in Warrior Cats is a topic I know I want to be able to address later like, once that comes up, cause that's a big issue. But also like--

ALIX: Good news. Comes up very fast.

PAZ: Whoo. Oh boy.

JULIAN: Yay.

PAZ: But yeah, also just like to continue to look into the, like, gender, family, reproductive politics going on here.

ALIX: At least it isn't fully like a you got to be married with kids type thing. I feel like it's more than anything emphasizing letting people make their own choices.

PAZ: Yeah, for sure.

JULIAN: Yeah. Like, there are a lot of like, female cats who are like, medicine cat or warriors or whatever.

PAZ: Yeah. It is very funny though, that one of your roles in society is just pregnant.

ALIX: I was thinking about this. I was like, I know that there's some queens who just like stay in the nursery to help out the other queens, even if they don't have kits at the time. And I was like, do they let male cats do that? Because I feel like they should.

PAZ: They should. I mean, I guess in that way, there is an aspect of communal parenting, like it's not as focused on nuclear families, which is nice to see.

JULIAN: Everybody cares for the kits.

ALIX: Yeah, it's really not at all, because like, I think they retconned a lot of people into being siblings and related. But I think the whole point of the first book is like, you know, find your chosen family. And people care a lot more about their mentors than their parents.

JULIAN: Yeah, like people's parents-- at least in the first book-- kind of don't matter.

PAZ: Yeah, they're non-existent.

ALIX: It's also the like, middle grade thing of like, we want to make young characters but then just get parents out of the way so they're an orphan or they're a cat. The two genders, orphan or cat.

LIZ: Oh since we like mentioned medicine cats as a status? Role? Whatever, just now. I want to say like, I wasn't surprised that there was only one because that tends to be a thing, but I think that they should have more than one doctor for their whole society. Seems like a-- they're taking some risks here.

PAZ: Yeah, as a kid I did not question that. I never had one thought of like why aren't there more doctors?

ALIX: I feel like there should be like five, right?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah. Like your whole society is based around fighting other cats.

ALIX: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: You need to have more healers.

PAZ: So weird.

JULIAN: Your party's wildly unbalanced.

LIZ: Everyone is DPS but Spottedleaf.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah, I didn't think about that till you brought it up, Liz. But that is an important point. It's also like the medicine cats are like both doctors and like spiritual leaders. Um, which is like, you know, not that uncommon, I think.

PAZ: Yeah, I think I saw an interview or something somewhere where they mentioned medicine women and like, that, like that kind of trope tying into like medicine cats. Yeah, but you can see that I guess. I mean, as like with the problems with that trope and stuff, but yeah.

ALIX: But there still should be like five.

PAZ: There still should be, yes.

LIZ: Did Spottedleaf even have an apprentice?

PAZ: No.

ALIX: No.

LIZ: Cause she was kind of young, right? So like hey, your society already has a problem with dying young, so I don't know. I think some more thought should go into this.

PAZ: I don't know what they were planning to do if Yellowfang hadn't happened to be there.

ALIX: I feel like-- yeah. No, this is from fanfiction. But maybe it comes up later, but like I was reading a fic where again, like the medicine cat dies and there's no apprentice, and like, they just like wait for like a sign from StarClan as to like which warrior now becomes the medicine cat.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: But I feel like you would miss out on so many... like so much knowledge. What are you going to do, go ask another medicine cat like, which herb does what? Just rely on dreams? What's going on?

LIZ: Well, can you imagine sharing vital medical knowledge from other cats with other cats?

JULIAN: Well, and they can't write anything down. It's all oral tradition. So like, if you don't have that continuity of oral tradition, everything is lost.

LIZ: God.

PAZ: Right?

ALIX: I guess they don't lose anything because they're around forever in heaven. But also, do you just get trained at night by a dead medicine cat in your dreams?

PAZ: Oh god.

LIZ: You get like a dream DM and it's just like, the ghost of Spottedleaf being like, Hey, wake up.

JULIAN: You up?

ALIX: I'm just thinking of that one meme where somebody is spraying somebody with fire to wake them up. Hey, wake up. Fire will save the clan.

JULIAN: I feel like, you know, even if you can have your ghost mentor, there's some stuff it's helpful to have a hands on demonstration of, or pawson.

ALIX: Yeah. How do you know the technique for fucking biting tit. Ticks.

[laughter]

JULIAN: Yeah?

ALIX: But also, wait, hold on. Like why if they all remember everything, have they not made great strides in medical advancement?

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: Because they don't have opposable thumbs.

PAZ: Yeah, that limits them in a lot of ways.

ALIX: I guess.

LIZ: They technically know everything, but their memory is really bad because they're cats. So it's all there.

ALIX: Right?

LIZ: But it's passive.

JULIAN: Okay, real question. Why hasn't StarClan told Bluestar to stay the fuck away from Tigerclaw?

PAZ: Right? StarClan has a problem being--

LIZ: They're really bored. They're just like, oh no, I want to see this play out.

PAZ: Yeah, what else do they have to do?

ALIX: They gotta watch the drama.

JULIAN: There's some sort of StarClan Prime Directive, where they can't interfere too much.

PAZ: There probably is. I don't know.

ALIX: Also, it's not clear how much of the future they actually know.

JULIAN: I mean, not even the future, just the present.

ALIX: I don't think they can read Tigerclaw's mind.

JULIAN: But they can see he killed Redtail.

PAZ: StarClan says I pretend I do not see it.

LIZ: No, there's someone in StarClan just being like, you know, I never liked Redtail.

PAZ: Meanwhile, Redtail's right there.

ALIX: Yeah, why doesn't Redtail's ghost show up and solve his murder? Hold on.

PAZ: Right? Oh my god.

JULIAN: The real Hamlet.

ALIX: Yeah!

PAZ: Yeah, Redtail should have been like, I don't know, haunting Ravenpaw and I don't know. That'd be a cool different book.

ALIX: There has to be a whole reason why they can't just say things because otherwise there would just never be any mysteries.

PAZ: Yeah, that probably gets addressed later, I assume.

ALIX: Redtail showing up like, hey, uh.

PAZ: Alix, I'm just thinking of that fic you linked where Redtail and Tigerclaw were exes.

LIZ: [gasps] Oh my god. Oh it makes sense.

ALIX: I wanted to bring this up because it was such a fucking powerful concept to me.

PAZ: I know, I love it.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: I love some murder exes.

PAZ: Right?

ALIX: Because it was basically being used as cover for him. Like he was like-- you know, even if you report the murder that I do, they won't think it's because I want power. They'll think it's because I'm jealous.

LIZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: He's like trying to come up with like fuckin like different like defenses in Warriors court.

LIZ: They should have Warriors court. They should have other professions.

ALIX: Where's the lawyer cats?

LIZ: Of course Tigerclaw would be gay and homophobic.

ALIX: I think that's exactly what Paz said.

PAZ: Yeah, I think I did. But yeah, that's his vibe. He also like goes to the gym a lot.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: God, he's a fucking gym rat.

PAZ: He is.

ALIX: Oh my god. Tigerclaw's Grindr.

JULIAN: He posts his like abs down picture on Grindr and is like stealth.

ALIX: I liked that fic though because it was just like everybody was like, You didn't know that? It wasn't like a torrid secret. It was just like Tigerclaw is bi and has a fraught ex, and I'm like, honestly, this is great.

JULIAN: Firepaw walks into this incredible queer drama just like, (high-pitched) what's up?

LIZ: What's going on?

ALIX: Oh, you didn't know?

JULIAN: Out here in the forest cats are gay.

ALIX: That fic is just so galaxy brained.

PAZ: Yeah, that was a humongous take.

LIZ: Imagine Graypaw expositing all of this in like his usual fashion, but it's just everyone's list of previous breakups.

JULIAN: Okay, so Whitestorm and Lionheart have some beef because they used to date until...

PAZ: God.

ALIX: This is incredible.

JULIAN: And like they're mostly fine, but they shouldn't like sit next to each other.

LIZ: Firepaw voice, what's dating?

ALIX: I'm six months old.

LIZ: I didn't know what hunting was called.

PAZ: Oh, boy.

LIZ: I just got here. I love the dirt. Hi, I'm Firepaw.

PAZ: Wow, what an accurate impression.

JULIAN: I'm sure this has been written where-- because I've seen a lot of like AUs on AO3 where they're all human. Um, and I'm sure that someone has written-- or I hope that someone has written the AU where the clans are just like different queer student groups on campus, and Firepaw is like the baby freshman who's just discovered like queerness as a concept.

PAZ: People definitely write high school AUs and I'm too scared to click to find out if they're still cats or humans.

LIZ: I hope they're just cats but they go to cat school and they take cat studies, like meowthematics, and... That's the only one I have.

PAZ: Oh perfect.

ALIX: I hope it's like the My Little Pony movie where there's an alternate universe where they're all humans, but then sometimes they can Magical Girl turn into ponies.

PAZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: That's so good.

LIZ: I'm just picturing that going like Animorphs, like the covers. Human boy to little guy.

JULIAN: Shoop.

ALIX: I keep realizing I'm imagining like human Fireheart as KJ Apa from Riverdale.

PAZ: Is that the main guy? I don't--

ALIX: Yeah, it's Archie.

JULIAN: It's just the guy who plays Archie.

ALIX: I'm just like who's like a redhead and plays a himbo?

PAZ: A dumb jock.

ALIX: Although Archie's not nice enough to be a himbo. Anyways.

LIZ: You know, these cats are British. Do you think if we go back far enough in like the Wayback Machine, we're gonna see like, here's my fancast for human Firepaw. It's Rupert Grint.

ALIX: Yes. Yes.

PAZ: Absolutely.

JULIAN: Honestly, it's probably somewhere on Tumblr, like if I do some digging. I'll report back.

PAZ: You probably wouldn't even have to look that hard.

ALIX: That fully exists.

LIZ: Here's my fancast for older Firepaw, so I guess Fireheart, and it's Ed Sheeran.

PAZ: [groaning]

LIZ: [laughter]

JULIAN: Noooo.

LIZ: I couldn't think of that many red-headed dudes. And that was the only one I got.

PAZ: Oh, I'm picturing Ed Sheeran in my head right now. It's so scary. I don't want to.

LIZ: It's a scary image.

ALIX: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Do we want to, as a palate cleanser, move on to the questions?

PAZ: Yes, sure. So, you know, end of book wrap up, I figured we could also do some more questions, and we have gotten some. So we're gonna dive into those. And let's do the first one.

JULIAN: Um, I can read it out. It's less of a question and more of a--

PAZ: Yeah, anecdote.

JULIAN: --reminiscence, which I also love. "Hello Staircast, when I was an elementary schooler in 2009, there was a big community of Warrior Cats roleplayers on MIT Scratch for some reason, despite it being a platform for a block-based programming language designed to teach intro computer science, like people would roleplay in the comments. Anyway, I have brought these vintage cat OCS I submitted to coloring contests." We have Rainkit, "a small hyper kit who likes to run around and jump on things. She wants to be the best hunter ever." Rainkit is a gray kit with a little blue heart mark around one of her eyes. And she's saying hi.

PAZ: Beautiful-- it looks like a photo of the Grand Canyon?

JULIAN: I think it's the Grand Canyon.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: In the background. I love that setting.

ALIX: Cat is not wearing pants.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: No. And then the other submission is Chaosfox. Oh, it's--

PAZ: Oh wait, music. Oh my god. It's so loud. How do I make it stop?

ALIX: I had to mute the site.

PAZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: This is so powerful.

JULIAN: "Chaosfox lives alone in a secluded area of the forest. She used to belong to a clan known as BoneClan but was turned out when it was discovered she had killed another cat. It was an accident."

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: "But she was framed by her brother Longclaw. She avoids other cats and will likely attack you if you come near her. She's very thin because prey is scarce where she lives. She'd never reveal it, but she is lonely."

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: Oh my god.

PAZ: What is this song?

LIZ: I don't know. I'm afraid to turn it back on. It's very loud.

ALIX: It's so loud.

JULIAN: And then when you click on the little play to get this animation going, Chaosfox is like rainbow, like has little shards of rainbow color that make up her body. It's really good. It's really incredible.

LIZ: It's animated.

PAZ: I feel like I can see her bone tail, like?

ALIX: Oh, yeah. It's powerful.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah.

LIZ: The colors are oscillating. It's very beautiful. I have so much respect for this artist.

ALIX: I feel like-- like the audacity of BoneClan for kicking someone out for doing murder.

PAZ: Right?

ALIX: You're called BoneClan.

JULIAN: Oh, thank you for sending that in, Ruby.

PAZ: Thank you. These are beautiful. If you remember what this song is called, I guess, @ us.

LIZ: Yeah, we'd love to know and then we'd love to just make that our new theme song forever. Same volume.

JULIAN: No slow ramp.

PAZ: Okay, I have to close that tab.

ALIX: That's incredible. I love that so much.

PAZ: And that was from Ruby. Thank you, Ruby.

LIZ: Thank you so much.

ALIX: I can read one if you want.

PAZ: Okay.

ALIX: "Dear esteemed cat scholars, in the last episode, you mentioned how cats should broaden their horizons and establish more roles and jobs for cats and their societies. My question is, could, should, and would cats unionize?" And that's from Maayan.

JULIAN: Oh my god.

PAZ: I think they should unionize.

ALIX: They should.

JULIAN: Right, everyone should unionize.

PAZ: I don't know if they would.

ALIX: Maybe.

JULIAN: They seem to be very attached to a hierarchical structure right now. So I think they would need to do some like-- you'd have to do some real consciousness building.

PAZ: Some workshops.

JULIAN: Among the cats to like encourage them to think as a group. They do think about the wellbeing of the clan, but like, you would have to frame it so that they could see that, like, when warriors have better working conditions, everyone benefits.

ALIX: I mean, to be fair, leaders aren't like bosses because they actually do like hunt and fight. Like they do work. So it's not 100% like they're exploiting the labor of the other cats. But I still think collective bargaining would be good for them.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I think the apprentices should unionize.

ALIX: Yeah, yes, yes, yes, their labor is exploited, I would say.

PAZ: For sure.

LIZ: They should unionize so they get like, you know, some safety protocols, like not being sent to snake hell while you're an intern by your evil mentor.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think they should unionize and fight for a better mentor selection.

LIZ: Yeah.

ALIX: Literally.

PAZ: Have some say in that process.

LIZ: There should be a review board, right? Like some sort of approval process.

ALIX: Like any accountability.

LIZ: Uh-huh.

PAZ: Ratemymentor.com. Tigerclaw has an F.

JULIAN: But he does have a chili pepper.

ALIX: According to Redtail, at least.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: What's Ravenpaw's review? Just like, 0/10, tried to kill me.

ALIX: I got stabbed here.

PAZ: Would not come back.

ALIX: Good sandwiches, would come back.

LIZ: Also, just lectures. Does not teach.

PAZ: Well, I guess that's our answer. They should unionize--

ALIX: But they won't.

PAZ: The apprentices especially, but they won't. Who wants to read this next one?

LIZ: I'll read it. This is from-- I don't know who it's from.

PAZ: Oh, whoops.

LIZ: There's no-- is it signed?

PAZ: Let me go look in the email.

ALIX: This is a dream from StarClan.

JULIAN: It's from Nat.

LIZ: Okay. So this question's from Nat. The header is The Proboards Experience. "Hi Staircast cast, loving the show. I know it's been mentioned, so I'm sure you would have got around to answering this question from me eventually. But do y'all remember the Proboards RP golden age? I cannot count the amount of Proboards I created or joined, many of them for Warriors. And most of them seeing participation for an average of four weeks, after which they died forever."

PAZ: Yep.

LIZ: "I'd love to hear if any of you were part of the scene. And if you have any strong emotion--" sorry-- "any strong memories. Here's the only one I remember. At some point, I knew the creator of it. Now I don't have any recollection of how." And there's a link to the Proboards. "Look at all the work that went into the architecture of this thing, only for a small group of internet kids to never use it due to moderating and advertising being hard." Aww. "I've also attached some fantastic 2009 fanart of it, which I found recently and unlocked my memory of that particular forum. Thanks again for letting me re-experience these books in your podcast." And attached is just a stunning, beautiful piece of art that I wish I could blow it up on the screen and show everybody.

PAZ: Yes, so it has the name of the forums on it, which is Moonlight Dreams. And "Dreams" is in beautiful rainbow font, very atmospheric. And it looks like there's five cats in a cave around Moonpool, maybe? I don't know. Yeah, three of them look very astonished. One of them looks really angry. There's a story going on here.

LIZ: There's a little kind of orangey brown cat on the far right with one black paw, and I think that's just-- mwah. That's adorable.

PAZ: That's character design, baby.

ALIX: Oh my gosh.

JULIAN: I mean, like I obviously have a lot of memories of the Proboards Golden Age. Um, my best friend in elementary school's older sister set up a forum for us to RP, starclan13.proboards.com. And it was a weird mix of like our friends, and then the older sister's group of friends, who were about three years older, and then at some point I got my little brother, who at the time was like six, and all his friends into it. So we ended up, because obviously at the time you needed to be 13 to create an account anywhere that you could post, because of child safety laws. And my parents knew about this law. And so I was like, well no, it's different. Proboards is different somehow. I managed to convince them that it was okay for us all to be doing that. And it was because we knew almost everyone who was on the board.

But I spent-- I had 45 minutes on the computer per day and I spent every one of those 45 minutes RPing as my OC Pinestripe. I didn't realize that like most Proboards apparently weren't very active because ours was incredibly active, maybe because we all knew each other in real life and could yell at each other to get online. But like now that I'm looking-- I like pulled it up, and I'm looking at it, and there's a total of 45,000 posts on this website.

PAZ: Jeez.

LIZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yeah, part of this is after we stopped or I stopped RPing as actively, there was kind of a second wave in like 2010 of people that we did not know in real life, who I guess found the site. We had done some like cross advertising on different RP forums. And I guess they found it via that and kind of took over and were super active. So I was not around for all 45,000 of those posts.

PAZ: That's wild.

JULIAN: But it was very active. We had a total of like 300 members total.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: Of like very elaborate plot.

LIZ: Amazing.

PAZ: Yeah, just for comparison, the Proboards that our listener linked has a total post count of 125.

LIZ: Aw.

ALIX: There's also-- 50 of these posts are in the Advertising Other Sites.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Oh no.

PAZ: Yeah, I was definitely on Proboards, but not for Warriors Cats ever, I don't think. That was mostly confined to Neopets for me. I think-- so I was in a guild on Neopets that did Invader Zim role play. And we eventually moved to Proboards.

ALIX: Incredible.

PAZ: So that's what I was roleplaying on Proboards.

LIZ: I didn't know that about you, not the Invader Zim part.

PAZ: I don't like to talk about it.

LIZ: Cause you--

ALIX: Yeah, I never-- oh sorry, go ahead.

LIZ: Oh, no, you go first. I'll wait for after because it's very important.

ALIX: I was just gonna say I was never on Proboards. I RPed Warrior Cats on Gaia Online.

LIZ: Yes.

JULIAN: I knew a lot of people who did Maximum Ride there. But yeah, I don't know. It was um, I was like a site admin for a while, which was really neat, because I got to learn how to do some HTML and CSS.

PAZ: Hell yeah.

JULIAN: You know, I moved from doing my Neopets shop to-- unfortunately, you can't see the site as it used to look because a lot of the-- we used to have like a really big top banner, and, like special graphics for everything, and custom emoticons. And a lot of those were all hosted on Photobucket.

[chorus of aws]

JULIAN: Along with almost everyone's RP signatures, so unfortunately, many of those are gone.

PAZ: Tragic.

ALIX: Wow.

LIZ: Lost history. Like that genuinely makes me sad.

JULIAN: I am gonna see if the Wayback Machine ever archived this.

PAZ: Yeah, that'd be good.

LIZ: It was a pretty big one, it might have. Yeah, I guess I never like did any Proboard stuff, and I stopped using Neopets after my friend at the time tried to teach me how to bank on it. I was like, well, I can't do this. Yeah, so it's interesting to hear like, everyone's different, like, experiences with it, because I just like-- it just passed me by.

I do want to look at the Proboards that was linked in the question because there's some interesting little descriptions here for like-- there's a folder called Calm River. And it says, "this is a small part of the river that is very calm. It is good for catching fish and wonderful for swimming if you have some free time. On the sandy banks is where warriors like teaching their apprentices battle moves." And it's all very sweet.

ALIX: Yeah, it's so empty though.

JULIAN: Oh, great news. It is on the Wayback Machine.

PAZ: Oh perfect.

LIZ: Yay.

JULIAN: And you can see many of the images, although not the big header.

PAZ: Perfect.

LIZ: There's gotta be someone with that saved on like some external hard drive.

JULIAN: Our affiliate link is like a little cat running across the-- there's a lot of gifs.

LIZ: Wow.

JULIAN: It is all in Papyrus font.

LIZ: Of course.

JULIAN: Great news for everyone.

LIZ: Listen, Papyrus is where it was at. I definitely used it for just like school reports, as a middle schooler, because who's gonna stop you?

ALIX: I remember doing it as well.

PAZ: Yeah. Well, Julian, I'd be interested to see if you could find any posts of yours in the Wayback Machine.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah.

PAZ: But that'd be like--

JULIAN: I think that's probably--

PAZ: A project for the future.

JULIAN: A project because it'll take me a little bit to navigate this. But yes, I'll try to see if I can find my death post when I killed off my character.

LIZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: Oh my god.

PAZ: Oh please.

JULIAN: Cause it was very dramatic.

LIZ: Um, can we just read a few of the names on your old site?

JULIAN: Oh, yeah.

ALIX: Oh my god, sorry.

LIZ: Because they're really good. Just in the current cat section, just to pick a few out, there's Vengeancestone, Diamondpaw, Pookystar, Saberkit, Rainbowkit, and separately, Rippedkit and Ripplekit.

JULIAN: Oh, great news. I forgot that in WindClan, we do have a Suepaw. So Susan, Susanclaw.

PAZ: Wow.

ALIX: Wow.

LIZ: There's also just a Garfunkel, which is perfect.

ALIX: Oh yeah, Garfunkel.

JULIAN: Oh, I forgot about Garfunk-- wait,, which clan is Garfunkel in? I don't remember Garfunkel.

LIZ: Uh, WindClan.

PAZ: Garfunkel.

ALIX: Kushaclaw?

LIZ: Suepaw.

ALIX: Wow.

PAZ: Others: Loner, Amberfeather (go Amby!)

JULIAN: That was my best friend.

ALIX: Aw.

PAZ: Aw.

JULIAN: She used to be the leader of RiverClan but then decided to become a loner.

ALIX: [gasp] The drama.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Wait. There's a loner called Mirage. Shout outs to Emily.

ALIX: Oh my gosh. Mirage is here.

PAZ: Wow, Mirage Apex Legends.

LIZ: Oh, and the very last name in this whole entire list is Cody.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: God bless.

JULIAN: Cody was like a rando who just really badly wanted to play a kittypet. And it's like, well, I mean, you can if you want to, but...

LIZ: I respect that. You've got to have some different perspectives in here.

JULIAN: I think you would have really gotten along with Cody because Cody's whole shtick when role playing was that they would just like pop into RPs and be like, hey, you should all come be kittypets with me.

ALIX: Y'all heard of medicine?

LIZ: Do you want to get vaccinated? Do you not want to have ticks? Well, have I got the lifestyle for you.

JULIAN: Yep.

LIZ: Anyway, thank you for this. These beautiful links.

ALIX: They're really incredible.

LIZ: And this beautiful image. And this beautiful question.

JULIAN: Yeah, thank you so much, Nat.

PAZ: Yeah. And I hope we can dive into the Proboards experience more in the future.

JULIAN: Yes.

PAZ: But Alix brought us something very special as well, speaking of the distant Warriors past.

ALIX: Yes. So I've basically had access to the same email account since I was nine, ten years old. So I found an email exchange between my middle school best friend and me about Warrior Cats. So I linked a Google doc. And if somebody wants to be my best friend from middle school, I will be me, and we can read this little exchange

JULIAN: Yeah, I'm happy to do it.

ALIX: Okay. All right, obviously don't doxx her.

JULIAN: Right, of course.

ALIX: So, "Dear Rainface. I got Warriors Field Guide, Secrets of the Clans, and it includes, ta-da! the story of how the clans started. Here is a summary. Many minutes ago, there were only cats who lived in small groups. They fought for no reason at all. It was a lawless, bloodly time for the forest.

One night, they agreed to meet at Fourtrees and talk. They ended up having a battle. Many cats died. The living ones slept at Fourtrees. When they woke up, they saw the slain cats as starry cats/StarClan. 'Unite or die,' said StarClan. Four cats wanted to lead the cats, a black female, Shadow, a silver gray tom with green eyes, River, a wiry brown she-cat, Wind, and a ginger tom with amber eyes, Thunder.

A dispute broke out. Suddenly, 'Silence!' a StarClan tabby yowled. She told them to find cats like them. For Shadow, night hunters, for River, water-loving cats, for Wind, fast runners, and for Thunder, strong hunters. 'If you do this,' said a white tom, 'we will reward you with eight extra lives that you may lead your clans many moons.' A tortoiseshell said, 'we will watch over you from Silverpelt and visit you in dreams.' The white tom declared the full moon truce. The tabby yowled from the great rock, 'you will be warriors.' All the cats agreed. And so began the age of the Warrior Cats." I just want to say that I did write this summary.

PAZ: It's so good.

LIZ: It's beautiful.

ALIX: And I put an ellipsis, then "isn't that scarily like A Place Before StarClan by us, with the white tom and everything? Let me know. Bye! Hawkear."

JULIAN: "It is. But there is no Moonstone coming down to earth or little cats blowing off to the north, south, east or west. Their version is way too boring."

ALIX: "There is a Moonstone story that I will tell you later. But I admit it is a little boring."

JULIAN: "Okay."

ALIX: "We talked about it."

JULIAN: "Oh. Yeah."

ALIX: "Please give back the books if you are done. I need Harry Potter Seven Guesses book before it comes out."

JULIAN: "Sorry I couldn't give it back to you sooner."

ALIX: "'S okay." Spelled S, apostrophe, okay.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: "Good."

ALIX: Then I said, "Hey, now I suppose there was a Sky too?" End exchange.

PAZ: Beautiful.

JULIAN: I love that in 2007 it was totally fine to send a one-word email.

ALIX: Yeah.

PAZ: This is-- I did not email my friends like this. This is fascinating.

ALIX: You know, I would have said that I didn't either, but apparently I did.

JULIAN: I super did, so

PAZ: I love your summary so much.

LIZ: It's so good.

PAZ: "It was a lawless, bloodly time for the forest."

ALIX: I do love "bloodly."

LIZ: That's innovation.

ALIX: I do think this is the canonical lore. But also like, I love that I just sent it up in such a like-- it's like a vaguely poetic way. But I'm just like, "they ended up having a battle." Absolutely no reason why.

PAZ: I love that you were like, so this is the official thing. We did it first and way better.

ALIX: It's a really, really powerful energy.

JULIAN: Oh, to have the sheer confidence of like an 11 year old hyped up on Warrior Cats.

PAZ: Oh, right?

LIZ: That's the confidence you need to send a one word email.

ALIX: Yeah.

JULIAN: That just says "good."

ALIX: I feel like I'm putting way more energy into this exchange than my friend. I'm writing paragraphs. And she's like, good, thanks.

JULIAN: Yeah, I tried to bring as much to the role as I could, but I didn't have a lot to work with.

ALIX: Thank you, you did a great job. Also, wait. Sorry, I just realized the difference-- how much time was between these different messages, because I sent that "'s okay" one on July 31, 2007, and she responded, "good," on August 14, 2007.

PAZ: That's about the rate at which I reply to emails.

ALIX: Yeah, there's five days between almost all of these emails.

LIZ: God, if this was now, it'd be like, hey, just checking in for an update. Have you had a chance to look at my Warrior Cats summary yet? Okay. Let me know. Thanks again. Bye.

JULIAN: Just wanted to touch base on this. Do you have any thoughts?

ALIX: Circling back on this. Isn't our fanfiction better?

LIZ: Best wishes.

ALIX: I hope this email finds you well.

JULIAN: Let me know if you have any questions.

LIZ: Hope to hear from you soon.

JULIAN: Email was a mistake actually. Except for this, this is the only valid use for email.

LIZ: We should have never moved on from this.

ALIX: Thank you so much for letting me read this.

JULIAN: Thank you for sharing it with us.

ALIX: It amused me very much when I found it.

PAZ: It's very good. Thank you. That's kind of what we got-- what we have to bring to the table today. I don't know. I think we did a good, like retrospective talk. Oh, okay. I know what I wanted to do. Liz?

LIZ: Yeah?

PAZ: Would you like to give us your prophecy for the next book?

LIZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Yeees.

ALIX: Yes [clapping].

PAZ: What do you think will happen?

LIZ: Um, they're going to almost get Tigerclaw. But he's going to get away at the last minute, I think at the end of the book. And sorry, did I say Tigerclaw? I did, right?

ALIX: Yeah.

LIZ: All right. And Fireheart is going to be like, rats, if only I had not been wracked with indecision, and also just brainlessness because I'm a dumb little cat. So he's going to have that kind of like, you know, Hamlet hubris moment. And he's gonna get a promotion. Maybe they'll have different jobs now.

You might see more of the other apprentices. Graystripe will develop a personality. I say that with affection. Because there's going to be less exposition to give, I think. They are going to have a fun little jaunt into the barn while they're on a patrol or something. And they're going to see their good friend Ravenpaw. And he's going to be fine with his new boyfriend.

Bluestar is going to have like-- there's gonna be a subplot with Bluestar. She's gonna be like, oh, I'm getting so old, I need to start thinking about me. Like, what have I done for myself? All these years and I don't even know myself. And that is like her slice of life older person romance plot with Yellowfang, who's like re entering the workforce as an older medicine cat. Yeah, that's pretty much my prediction.

JULIAN: I would watch this drama.

ALIX: I love this so much.

JULIAN: Bluestar's self care journey.

ALIX: I love how hard you're manifesting that Ravenpaw is okay.

LIZ: Yeah. He is. I don't know what you mean.

PAZ: The aggression in your voice. Thank you so much. I'm excited to see if your prophecy comes true. Well, that was it for Into the Wild. We're done with it. And now we're moving on to Fire and Ice next week. Very excited.

ALIX: I'm so excited to listen.

JULIAN: Hell yeah.

LIZ: I've had the book on Libby for like a few days now. And I'm like, chomping at the bit to get into it.

PAZ: Now is the time.

JULIAN: Oh, Alix, do you have anything you want to plug?

ALIX: Yeah, I have two podcasts, Hot Taking It, where I watch classic MTV sitcom Faking It, which is about high school lesbians fake dating. And also a podcast that I finished, I guess, although it's kind of ongoing, which is Across the Loonaverse, which is explaining Loona lore. Julian was on that at one point, so if you're a fan of Julian--

JULIAN: Oh, I was. I forgot.

ALIX: --you can go listen to that. And then that will pretty soon be replaced by a Riverdale podcast where I can talk about KJ Apa some more, although not in the role of Fireheart. Yeah, Across the Loonaverse, and Hot Taking It, which I think you can find if you go to my Twitter, which is @kismetnemesis, and then I have them linked. Probably the easiest way to do it.

JULIAN: Hell yeah.

PAZ: And as a reminder, you can find our show @staircast on Twitter. And if you want to send in any questions or anecdotes like the ones we read today, you can send them into stairwaytostarclan@gmail.com. And we'll check those periodically.

LIZ: Yeah, I want to thank everyone again, for the really good questions. They're just, they're very cute and sweet. And I had a good time listening and reading them.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's really nice to hear what this series means to other people.

PAZ: Mm hmm. Yeah. And I am just having a blast revisiting it. So thank you, everyone who's doing it with us as well.

ALIX: Yeah, thank you so much for letting me be on the show and also making the show so that I can listen to it. It's genuinely like the highlight of my week. Like every Sunday, I'm like, Alright, it's time to listen to Staircast.

PAZ: Thank you.

JULIAN: Aw, Alix.

LIZ: Thank you for coming on because you're, one, a seasoned podcaster, and also per the rules of the Clan, the new podcast host, so it's in your hands now.

ALIX: Yeah, um, although I think next week I might be busy, if you guys could just be interim hosts for a little while.

LIZ: Yeah, of course.

PAZ: Okay, yeah. We'll figure it out.

JULIAN: We'll be podcast deputies.

ALIX: Oh yes. And if I die, you all have to fight it out.

LIZ: Who has to wait for that? Listen. You've read about Tigerclaw. He's doing fine for himself.

PAZ: Well, uh, I think that's gonna do it for us this week. Tune in next week for Fire and Ice and until then, may StarClan light your path. Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

ALIX: B-bye?

LIZ: I'm never sure if I should do that one with you guys.

PAZ: Yeah. I keep it in.

[outro music]

PAZ: Okay, let me put away these covers.

ALIX: These childish things.

JULIAN: No, we're taking out childish things

PAZ: Oh, whoa, it got translated into Latvian. Wild.

ALIX: Only two books, though, so they don't get to know the whole plot.

PAZ: No, Latvian at least got to The Darkest Hour, so three books.

[toongrowner]

part 3

This is gonna be the last part of this story for now, maybe I will return to it in the future, but for now, that's it. Still glad to see how many people liked it, and it was a nice opportunity to try my self out a little with writting. ^^ Huge thanx to Xenomaster for helping me write part 3 and for helping me with the decission, who to turn into the next girl. My first choice was Joker, but that would be to much of a strech, and someone from batman's family and friends just would be too obvious. Nonetheless, hope you enjoy it, and that it may inspire you to some own ideas. ^^ Part 1:         Part 2:         Story: Harley could not have asked for a better child. While Charlotte was a completely different person, she still possessed some of Batman's greatest skills, like an efficient use of gadgets, combat fighting and making good use of her surroundings, which often helped for an quick and easy escape. And the fact that no cop nor hero would harm such a young mislead child, was of pretty good use as well. Together they became slowly but surely one of Gotham's biggest crime duo's. And while the cops still tried to figure out from where this new girl was coming from, Batman's friends already had their suspicions. The timing and the way how Charley Quinn's costume was designed where just way to fitting. They knew this girl was the cause of Batman's disappearance. But without any actual proof there was not much they could do, and getting a hold of the two turned out much more difficult than expected. Of course they could not let the public know that their biggest hero disappeared and may even got turned into... but his friends could not give up hope yet. And while they tried to find a way, Nightwing offered himself to replace Batman in the meantime, so Gothman can keep his symbol. Of course not all was just crime and destruction for Harley and her new daughter. At their hideout, they behaved pretty much like a normal family. Even Poison Ivy, who's latest schemes were more than often interrupted, decided to pretend to have started a legit life, to secretly support the young family. Charlotte even started to call her Aunt Ivy. Which I've found highly amusing, especially considering from who it was coming from. When Harley suggested her plans to Ivy months ago, she didn't knew what to think of it. But now seeing the man that used to be so strong and able to resist her pheromones for so long now nothing but a cute little girl, loving her mother and wanting to have fun. remembering how serious and gloomy Batman often was, she kinda felt happy for him. There was just one thing missing in this paradise. As much Charlette enjoyed the company of her mother, she wished for a playmate in her age, someone she could play along when Harley couldn't. And since a certain accident some weeks ago, the Playground was not an option anymore, even with their best disguises. Harley promised her daughter to take care of it, even though she wasn't quite sure how yet. Unbeknownst to Harley and Charlotte, something was closing in on them. One night while Harley and Charlotte were relaxing at home, they are caught off guard by a knock at the door. Harley opens the door while the latch is on, but she is knocked back and the door was ripped off it’s hinges. The late night visitor was Bane. Bane explained that he had been searching for Batman for weeks, and practically every clue leads straight to Harley. Bane demands to know where Batman is, Harley reluctant to do so as she feared for Charlotte's safety and lied while signaling Charlotte to hide. Bane however does not believe Harley and threatens the villainess, who starts to fight back on pure maternal instinct. Bane and Harley begin to tear up the place, only to be caught off guard when Charlotte decided to step in and help her mother. Harley scolds Charlotte as they fight Bane, who slowly begins to realise who Charlotte was. Bane picks up Harley and begins to question her about the child’s connection to Batman. Without thinking, Charlotte throws a random ornament at Bane’s head, and Harley shot Bane with what she thought was a gun. Before Harley realised what she had actually shot Bane with, he began to shrink rapidly, screaming like a wild animal. When it was all over, Bane was no more and a very small child took his place. Oddly enough, the child reacted in confusion and spoke nothing but Spanish, seemingly unaware of what happened. Upon calming down the young girl (as Charlotte has some skill in speaking spanish), Harley and Charlotte take the young girl to Ivy to see what is going on, being careful with the venom pump inside the girl’s head. Ivy explains the pheromones she gave Harley were meant to slowly make someone susceptible to suggestion, but only in small doses. The amount given to the small child once called Bane unraveled his mind by decades. This was confirmed when Charlotte relayed to her mother and aunt that “Bane” last remembered being in Peña Duro, being six years old. The fight Harley and Charlotte had with Bane effectively erased the man from existence. Ivy had also found that Bane’s Venom had altered due to the effects of the ray, it was less potent and with very few side effects. Taking sympathy on the small girl, Harley decided to adopt the transformed Bane, giving her the name “Amalia”. Days to weeks pass and the three are a good family. Amalia loved playing with her “big sister” and doing things with her mother. It was uncanny how the Man That Broke the Bat has changed into such a timid child, one that sought forgiveness for the smallest of transgressions. Some of “old Bane” shone through from time to time as Amalia sometimes took to meditation, unsure why she did, and called a teddy she received “Osito”. Amalia eventually wanted to join her mother and sister on their escapades. Upon accepting the request, Harley and Charlotte began training the young girl. Amalia actually took to it quite quickly, likely some remnant of Bane still left inside her. Harley soon then gave Amalia a new costume, along with the now altered venom. Now Harley is part of the most dangerous crime trio in Gotham, along side Charlie Quinn and her new daughter “Pest”. I should say I only altered what was after the first three paragraphs as they were honestly ok as they were. I also had a very sinister idea: Ivy's pheromone erased "Bane" and left the child that lived in Peña Duro. Before the fall that mentally snapped the kid. Part 3 in dialog form by Xenomaster <Newspapers of how the Quinns were on a crime spree, illuding both cops and heroes alike over the course of weeks to about a month> (In Harley’s apartment, she, Charlotte and Ivy were having dinner together) Harley: And Dent was like “I’ll get you for this, ye pair of-.” before Charlie used adhesive silly putty to gunk his mouth shut! Charlotte: It’s rude to say bad words in front of little girls. *begins to laugh with her mother* Hey, mom. Can I be excused? Harley: Go right ahead, kiddo. Charlotte: Thanks. See you, Aunt Ivy. *runs off, likely to watch TV* Ivy: I must say, it’s uncanny to think that she was the Dark Knight. Harley: I know, right? She’s the most perfect angel a mom can ask for. Ivy: You know, I almost think we did the Bat a favour. Harley: What you mean, Red? Ivy: I mean, look at her. She’s always smiling, very upbeat. Compare that to how she used to be, a very serious and gloomy man. I almost think we did him a favour. Harley: And you said my plan was stupid. Ivy: I will admit, I was wrong. *looks at a clock* Damn it, look at the time. Sorry, Harl. I have to cut this visit short. *walks to the living room and takes a trenchcoat* Charlotte: *turns around while watching TV* Going so soon, Aunt Ivy? Ivy: Sorry, kid. But you know how it is, men to break, pollutionists to stop. *gives Charlotte a kiss on the head* See you later, honey. Charlotte: Bye, Aunt Ivy. (Ivy leaves incognito and Harley comes in to see Charlotte solemnly watching TV) Harley: What’s wrong, Charlotte? *sees that what Charlotte was watching was about having friends* Oh… you’re lonely. Charlotte: I know it’s fun with you and aunt ivy, but-. Harley: *hugs Charlotte* I know, kiddo. It’s just that not many of us criminals have kids in the business. I know it’s hard for you, especially with that ice cream escapade the other week… but I promise I’ll find a way. Charlotte: Thanks, mom. *hugs Harley* (meanwhile across town, some thugs are getting tossed around) Thug: Harley Quinn! You’re looking for Harley Quinn! (the thug gets “knocked out”, revealing Bane was on the prowl) (Harley and Charlotte are lounging about in their apartment. Harley was reading a magazine on the couch while Charlotte was playing about with a throwing knife when they hear a knock on the door) Charlotte: Did you order pizza? Harley: No… *goes to the door, opening it after making sure the chain was on the latch* Who is it? (the door bursts open, knocking Harley back. Charlotte sat in awe as Bane trudged in) Harley: What the heck are you doing here?! Ya better pay for the door! Bane: Where is he? Harley: Who? Bane: The Bat. Harley: *goes wide eyed* Bane: Last anyone heard, Batman was hunting you. Now he disappears? It is no coincidence. *picks up Harley* Now, where is Batman? Harley: L-look, you paloka. I have no idea what you are on about! *gives a hand single to Charlotte to hide, making her run off* Now get outta here! Bane: I would… but I don’t believe you. Tell me, or the niñita may need to find her papa. (Harley reaches for a vase and smashes it right into Bane’s face, dropping her out of surprise rather than pain. The two begin to duke it out until Charlotte interrupts them by tossing one of Harley’s throwing weapons at Bane) Harley: Charlotte, don’t get involved. Charlotte: I’m not going to let this bully hurt you, mom. Bane: She has spirit… Harley: If we live through this, you are so grounded. (the fight continues, Harley and Charlotte proving to be untaggable targets for Bane. as the fight went on, Bane started to recognise something about Charlotte. He then pins Harley to the couch) Bane: That girl, she has something to do with The Bat. Who is she!? Charlotte: *seeing her mother in trouble, she picks up a convenient clown bust and throws it at Bane* (As the bust breaks on Bane’s head, a pink liquid splashes all over him. This disorients him long enough for Harley to grab the laser on mistake and shoot Bane with it, assuming it was a real gun. Bane yells in pain and shrinks down until a small child took his place) Harley: *notices Bane’s Venom tube* Pink? “Bane”: *tries to back away from the two in fear and confusion* ¿Dónde estoy, qué está pasando, quién eres tú? [Where am I, what is happening, who are you?] Charlotte: Tranquilízate, nadie te va a lastimar. [Calm down, no one's going to hurt you.] Harley: I didn’t know you can speak Spanish. Charlotte: *shrugs* ¿Puedes decirme quién eres? [Can you tell me who you are?] “Bane”: Yo... no tengo nombre. [I... I don’t have a name.] *looks around* Esto no se parece a Peña Duro [This doesn't look like Peña Duro] (Harley and Charlotte look at each other before cutting to Ivy’s place some time later. Ivy and Harley were discussing the situation while Charlotte was keeping “Bane” company) Ivy: *rubs temple* Harl… you are either really lucky, really dumb or cunning as a fox. You are telling me that… THAT, is Bane? Harley: Yeah… Ivy: You two overdosed him on the pheromone I gave you and used that same toy you used on Batman. Not a memory left of that burly monster left! Harley: I was meaning to ask about that. Ivy: *sighs* The pheromone was meant to slowly break down any resistance to suggestion. What you did was a complete mind wipe. In his… her case, it seems all the way to the point where Bane wasn’t such a beast. I can’t believe it, you of all people managed to not just beat but erase Batman and Bane! Harley: What about his juice? Ivy: Yes, the Venom seems to be altered. While I can only guess, it seems that the ray you used seems to have regressed the Venom’s potency. I’d need to run some tests to be absolutely sure. (The two women look at the two girls. Charlotte and “Bane” seem to be getting along quite well) Ivy: So, what are you gonna do? Harley: ...Take responsibility. *makes her way to Charlotte and “Bane” and kneels* Charlotte, honey. Can you translate for me? Charlotte: I’ll try. Harley: *turns to “Bane”* I know you’re scared and confused. From what you told me, you had it pretty rough. But I can look after you. Give you a home and food. I can help, but only if you let me. (Charlotte takes everything Harley says and translates it so “Bane” can understand. “Bane” just hugs Harley and cries. Harley picks up the girl and carries her into where she and Ivy were talking) Ivy: Are you sure about this? Harley: Parenthood is it’s own reward. Right, Charlie? Charlotte: *smiles* Harley: There is one last thing, Red. Ivy: And what’s that? Harley: Can we crash here? Bane busted up our place. (Some time later, after Harley’s place was fixed up, she returned with some shopping to be greeted by the former Bane, hugging her leg) “Bane”: Mamá, lo siento mucho! No quise decir a-. Harley: Whoa. Slow down, Amalia. You speak spanish when you talk fast. Amalia: *let's go* S-sorry, mama. I saw a spider… *looks over to a wall with a hole in it the size of a small child’s fist* Harley: *places groceries on the counter* Wow, you have a good right hook. Amaila: Please, mama. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-. Harley: *places hands on Amalia’s shoulders* Sweetie, don’t get yourself worked up. It’s not that big a deal, we all make accidents. Amailia: *sniffs* Ok, mama. Harley: Besides, I got ya something. *gives Amalia a teddy bear* Amalia: *gasps* Thank you, mama! *takes the bear and runs off* Charlotte! Look was mama got me! (Harley looks on at the two girls playing about, a tear coming to her eye before eyeing the clock) Harley: Ok girls, bedtime. Amalia and Charlotte: Yes mama/mom. (the two prepare for bed, changing and brushing their teeth. Harley came in to tuck in Amalia) Amalia: Mama, can I ask you something? Harley: What is it, baby? Amalia: You know how you and Charlotte go out and commit crimes? C- can I join you? Harley: Are you sure that’s what ya want, kiddo? Amaila: *nods* Harley: *thinks* Well… not yet. Amaila: *sinks into her bed in disappointment* Harley: You need to learn the basics first, kiddo? Amaila: *smiles* Thank you, mama. Harley: Starting tomorrow, your sister and I’ll be teaching you how to be a good little criminal. But for now, you need your beauty sleep. *kisses Amaila on the head* Amaila: Wait, mama. Kiss Osito too. Harley: *does so to humour her daughter* Good night, sweetie. *turns off the light before leaving the room and picking up the phone* Hey, Red. How’s the Venom? Ivy: Well, it’s not exactly Venom. More like “Venom Lite”. It’s pretty harmless, but not really the same thing. Harley: Would it be safe for Amaila? Ivy: I guess… what are you up to? Harley: Fam secret. Thanks, Red! *hangs up* (over the next few weeks, Amaila was trained by her mother and sister. Oddly, she seemed to progress faster than Charlotte did. Amaila even improvised some training herself, as if it was instinctual. This went on for some time until one day when the three were lounging about at home when there was a knock on the door.) Harley: *grabs a mallet and walks to the door, checking as she did last time only for no one to be there but a package* Charlotte: What is it, mom? Harley: *reads the note on the package* It’s from Red. Charlotte: Aunt Ivy? Amaila: Tía Ivy? Harley: “Harl. This is the best I can do considering. Give the girls my love, Ivy”. *Harley opens it and realises what it is* It’s for you, Ami. *hands the parcel over to her younger daughter* (Amaila goes into her room and puts on the outfit. Like Charlotte’s, it was very reminiscent of Harley’s but had some details of Bane’s. Most notably a tube full of pink liquid being fed into her body) Charlotte: Looking good, sis. Amaila: *smiles* Harley: So precious! Girls, we are going to rule Gotham! <Newspapers of how Harley and her daughters on a crime spree, overpowering all form of law enforcement. The headlines label Amaila as Pest.>

[dr-reid]

Seven Years Later

A/N: This is legit my favorite story I have ever written, so happy to be reposting it, ENJOY! 

Spencer paced back and forth in his small living room, continuously flipping through the pages of the manuscript. “You wrote a book about us?” he said as soon as he head the call connects. “Hi, how are? I’m doing okay, thank you for asking Spencer how about your self?” you said in a sarcastic tone of voice.  “Y/N, hello, how are you, I’m doing well. Did you write a book about us?”

“I wrote a book, in regards of certain events that unfolded in my life, you we’re involved in them. Therefor you are in the book, but there is no us so I did not write it about us, Spencer” you said calmly.

“Right” he wasn’t satisfied with that answer. “Look it doesn’t have your name specifically, it’s a young adult fiction book, no one you know is going to read it. I sent it to you only because I wanted you to know, but that’s all.” 

“Right, of course, no one is going to read it. Also I don’t think I look like a Matthew why did you name me Matthew?”

“Spencer if that is the only comment you have about that book, go read it again,” you said hanging up the phone. 

Spencer walked into Garcia’s office reading over the case file he was finishing, “Hey Garcia, can you verify this location for me.”

When she hadn’t responded he looked up to see her, and JJ’s face completely hidden behind a book, the book. “What are you guys doing?” Spencer said terrified. “Oh my god, this is so sad.” Penelope said still unable to put down the book. “I didn’t think it’d be so sad” JJ commented.

“What are you guys doing” Spencer asked again. “Reading, genius what does it look like” Penelope said flipping to the next page. “It looks like you’re not working” 

“How can we work? I need to know what Matthew does next, does he really marry Sara? Does Mila ever move on?” Penelope said dramatically.

“You’re reading a young adult book, on some teenagers relationship?” Spencer said trying to keep it casual. “This isn’t even real” he said trying to laughing it off.

“Well I hope it isn’t because if I we’re to ever meet this Matthew I would give him a piece of my very uncensored mind, I can’t believe he wouldn’t pick Mila, she was clearly the right choice” Penelope said.

“Seriously for being as smart as they make him sound he sure made a stupid move” JJ added.

Spencer was shocked to hear what his friends had to say. He knew he had made the right choice, he was certain he had. So certain, he’d never told anyone the whole story about you, because he didn’t need anyone’s opinions. But here they we’re reading it, and giving him all the unfiltered opinions he never thought he’d get to hear.

“Well let me know when you finally get back to work” he said as he headed for the door. “It’s gonna be a while Penelopes Magical Workshop of Knowledge is currently heart broken”

The book began to haunt Spencer is ways he never thought it would. There we’re poster advertisements everywhere he went. Every coffee shop was selling a copy, every book store was displaying it, every library was announcing when they’d have it available.

There was no escaping it, there was no escaping the thought that maybe he hadn’t made the right choice. Spencer sat at the table nervously awaiting your arrival. “I’m sorry I’m late, traffic was awful” you said catching Spencer by surprise when you sat next to him.

You grabbed the glass of water that was placed in the seat he was expecting you to take across from him. You didn’t see each other much, for many reasons, the primary excuse we’re your jobs, and crazy schedules. The other reasons we’re only spoken of once you had consumed enough alcohol.

You started off by catching up with any new work news or crazy cases he had, next the small talk of family. Followed by any news, weather, or books you had recently read. You both knew the small talk was coming to an end when you began to talk about the food. 

The same things we’re always said about the food, because you had been coming here for the last seven years. Gotten the same thing every time for the last seven years. Some might think it was repulsive to be so repetitive but this place held meaning.

It was where you told Spencer you loved him, it was where he told you, “You’re my best friend, I can’t risk losing you” it was where you told him you we’re getting married. That same restaurant was where he took you too eat the day you ran the opposite direction down the isle. 

But still you we’re his best friend, and he couldn’t risk losing you. It was where just a year ago he told you about Sara, and just six months ago he showed you the ring he would propose to her with. That was the last time you told him how you felt, just one last time.

So many memories, just not the ones you wanted. “Your book is every where, even my co workers have read it.” 

“Well so much for FBI agents not reading young adult love stories” you said shocked. “Well I’m sorry, they didn’t say anything did they”

“Yeah they did. They said Matthew was stupid and he made the wrong choice, and that for being so smart he sure was stupid” Spencer said with a fake smile on his face. “So did I make the wrong choice Y/N”

“That’s for you to answer Spencer, I’ve said everything I had to say. I even wrote it down for you so would never forget” 

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to do this again, I don’t want to hurt you, those we’re never my intentions.” Spencer could barely look at you in the eyes.

“It’s in the past, are we ever going to be able to keep any of this in the past”

That was the real question. For years it was a silent agreement, an elephant in the room. You never spoke of your feelings for him, although he knew. There we’re so many times when you swore he felt them too. It was so easy to fall in love with him, but so hard to forget about him. 

“There was one thing I have to say about the book”

You looked at him curiously, “You left out that Matthew loved Mila just as much as much. You made it seem as if I lied and I didn’t, but I didn’t have the courage to risk losing you”

“We lose some people either way”

“You’re right”

  As Spencer walked up to his door the package in front of his door caught his attention, quickly he opened the sealed letter tapped to it.

“There are so many things I want to say, first off congratulations. Second of all, I’m afraid I’ll be missing the wedding. Warm weather, and sandy beaches await me. Third of all, I re-wrote the ending to the book. I wanted to give it, us, the happy ending we didn’t have the courage to give our self’s. Maybe in another lifetime, maybe never who knows. I’ll see you soon Spencer Reid.” Spencer traced over the words on the handwritten notes. Reaching inside of the shipping bag, he found the book, immediately flipping opening up.

 “Dedicated to: Boy Wonder, it was an adventure being your friend, what a pleasure having my heart broken by you”

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