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caramelkoo · 1 month ago

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before we shatter — jjk [one]

genre : established relationship, idol!jungkook

word count : 6k

summary : dating an idol is fun, they said. having a family with one is fun, they said. Until you're falling face forward because of your reality. A reality where Jungkook dreams of a future and a reality where your own future is collapsed.

chapter warnings : nsfw, strong language, mature content, fluff, so much angst, smut, talks of infertility, clit sucking, fingering, Jungkook worships her, dirty talk, doggy style, reader is in so much pain i love her sm, fall vibes <33, gift giving as a love language, pussy slapping with his d, big dick energy, jungkook is desperate. that's about it please mention if i missed anything.

read part two here

a/n : based on this ask so thank you anon for coming forward and giving me a chance to write this. i also wanna mention that im no doctor so please forgive me if i didn't do the topic of infertility justice. the second part gives more clarity in their case so please be kind to wait. enjoy and im v v grateful for you. you're so loved.

When you were a child, barely five, an orange butterfly came flying outside your front door. Your mom told you about it since she saw it first causing your entire face to instantly light up like the fourth of july.

An inexplicable joy filled your whole body making your day ten times better, not that you were having a bad one. A five year old can��t have a bad day whatsoever.

After you were done chasing it around, secretly hoping that it would land on your nose just the way they show on television, you had to let it go and head back inside.

Oddly enough the next morning you saw it again, this time it was not flapping its wings like it had last night, instead it was sitting on the window beside the door. Quiet and still.

You, ever so curious, had to ask your mom about it. “It might find comfort there,” she said.

Up until you met your boyfriend you had spent the majority of your time wondering where your comfort place is, what is that one place where you can just be yourself and not pretend to be some stoic woman. A place which lets you cry whenever you want but also replaces those tears with wide smiles and loud giggles.

Turns out, it’s your boyfriend’s arms.

It’s true. Jungkook with his kind, sparkly bambi eyes and bunny smile stole your damn heart a few years ago and is not willing to give it back. Although you can’t complain, in a world where people can’t seem to find the one for themselves, the angels up there granted you a guy every inch a gentleman. Safe to say it’s not one like one of those titular relationships you've come across.

He’s your solace, a roof where you can safely just about exist.

He heals you.

Dating an Idol comes with several perks, the biggest one of those being dealing with the huge amount of selective criticism. You feel hurt, of course, but when you’re with Jungkook, they are nothing but words behind a pixel. A pain that only lasts momentarily.

This pain though, is not as mundane. This one is making your stomach twist in apprehension. You’ve lost the count of how many deep breaths you’ve taken.

“I’m afraid this is a case of infertility miss _____” the doctor says, earning your attention.

You’re not able to form a word, however that does nothing to stop your subconscious mind from screaming, I knew it.

Being stupid enough to think you were well prepared to hear her say this, you mustered up the courage to enter the four walled white space which, at that time, didn’t feel as narrow as it does now. It’s almost as if it’s closing up on you.

Only after you sat before the woman in white coat and bad news, did you realize how gut wrenching this actually feels.

You face her with a weak smile, one that doesn’t actually reach your eyes, “Are- are you sure you’re not mistaken?”

Dr. Ana leans forward, resting her forearms on the table. The move itself tells you more than you need to. “Miss _____, I know it’ll be hard for you to come to terms with this but I suggest you try. I would also like to tell you, and I hope I’m not overstepping, but you can always go with adoption. The options are endless.”

Your throat feels awfully dry and you gulp. “Thank you uh, can I ask you for a favor?”

“Anything”

“If you happen to cross paths with Jungkook, please don’t mention anything about this to him.”

Dr. Ana flashes you a kind smile, “Of course not ____. It’s your personal matter. I wouldn’t dare.”

“Thanks a lot.”

With one last nod you excuse yourself from her office. Your phone buzzes inside your pocket and you take it out, seeing Jungkook’s number stare up at you.

“Hey”

“Hey, my love. Are you busy?” His voice nearly brings tears to your eyes. It also brings up a question. Will he act the same towards you after you tell him where you are and what you just heard? Will his voice be filled with the same amount of excitement and affection for you?

“No, honey. I’m actually at my sister’s place. She was craving some alone time with her husband and asked me to babysit Coco”

You can visualise him awing already. Jungkook has grown attached to your sister’s daughter a little too much. His bond with Coco is just so bright it makes you wonder if they happened to be an actual father and daughter duo in the past life. They’re both full of beans and it’s a delight to see them both together.

He chimes, “Ah my little Coco bean. Is she near? Let me hear my angel.”

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you try to come up with any transitory excuse that doesn’t make you run for the hills. “She’s sleeping right now. Made me work for it but I managed to settle her down”

Jungkook moans from the other side of the line and you mentally curse yourself. Not only are you lying through your teeth but also using your innocent niece as a pawn. From the day you began dating Jungkook, you’ve not looked at any other man. For the first time now, you have this nagging feeling as though you’re cheating on him.

“Well, alright next time then. When are you coming back home?”

“As soon as they do. Do you miss me already?” I tease.

“Pfft me and miss you? Impossible”

You gasp, the audacity of this boy. “How rude!!”

Your goofy boyfriend dares to chuckle, “I carry you with me everywhere I go, love. It’s hard to miss someone who’s this close to you every time of the day.”

It doesn’t take you long to grasp what he is referring to. The heart shaped bracelet rests proudly on his wrists and the man had refused to take it off ever since you gifted it to him. A sense of longing already creeps up in your heart, twisting it until you run out of breath.

Your chest expands as you fill it with much needed air, “Listen, honey I’ll give you a call soon yeah? I think Coco has woken up and I must go check if she needs something,” you fake a chuckle, “You know how she gets when she’s irritated”

“Oh yes of course. Promise to give me a call soon?”

This time the smile on your face is genuine, “I promise”

“Give Coco a kiss for me. I love you.”

“I love you.”

There’s a heavy weight on your chest as soon as you hang up the call. Maybe it has always been there. So, for a couple of minutes you just stand there in the hallway of the hospital taking in the sterile smell and worrisome patients, praying that the highest power up there gives you one last chance so you could try and fix what’s been ruined.

The commotion around you does nothing to overtake the voices in your head and sadness fires through you as you feel like you’re burning your boats. Despite all of that, you pray for one last time, this time for again being strong enough to let go.

Let go of your happiness.

Let go of your salvation.

Let go of your comfort.

Let go of Jungkook.

˚୨୧⋆｡˚

You click the door shut behind you, hanging the coat on the rack. You’re not even done turning around when a muscular arm wraps around your abdomen and you’re pulled back against a taut chest.

“I missed you” his voice is muffled against your jumper.

You run your palms over Jungkook’s forearm, stopping to interlace your fingers with his.The way his hands fit with yours is adorable to you as if they were made to do so. The bracelet on his wrist is cool against your skin and you smile. “You know what’s funny? This guy I talked to earlier said it’s impossible for him to miss me”

He rests his chin on top of your shoulders, cheeks warm against yours. He has grown out a stubble which makes him look manlier for some reason and you can’t stop caressing it with your fingers whenever you cup his face.

“You’re talking to other guys?” If you hadn’t known Jungkook better than himself, you would have missed the pout of his lips when he said that.

You turn your face and place a sloppy kiss on his cheekbones, “Only my favourite guy in the whole world.”

He breaks out in a toothy grin and holds your gaze. “You’re my favourite girl too but I think you already know that.”

You nod but the pang of guilt is still lingering in your heart. “Still love hearing it.”

Jungkook releases you from his embrace and walks back, rounding the kitchen counter until he’s holding up a large bowl. “Ready for our fall ritual?”

Jungkook and you have been using your mum’s recipe to bake chocolate chip cookies every fall and while you enjoy baking with him, the thing that you take the most pleasure from is his face when he munches on the first cookie.

It’s one of your favorite sights ever. It takes quite a bit of effort to bake them but hell if you wouldn’t do it all over again just to see him close his eyes and moan like it is the best thing since sliced bread.

You join him behind the counter and look around. From the way the batter has already been prepared you suppose he’s been at it for a while. There are some chocochips in a small bowl across from you with some cranberries next to them because he knows you like them in your cookies.

“You don’t ever forget about the cranberries, do you?”

“Nope. They’re your favourite plus if you eat well, I can eat you well– ouch,” he jumps, “What was that for?”

You offer him a glare which does nothing to stop the smile threatening to break out of your lips, “Behave”

His face inches closer to yours, “Now honey don’t be acting like I didn’t give you the best orgasm this morning”

Oh well, how can you forget about that? Ninety nine percent of the time you love waking up in his arms while he’s the big spoon but there’s that one percent where he wakes you up with his head between your legs, sometimes with his face under your shirt sucking on your nipples. Indissoluble passion within him. His ability to satisfy you with his mouth alone needs to be studied because god if you don’t crave more and more.

You blink, once twice thrice, “You’re incorrigible”

He lets out a cackle at your flustered face as you wonder when you will stop blushing like a fool around him. It’s been years and he still makes you feel like you’re wrapped up in a ball of jitters. Jungkook leans back and straightens up. He plucks the apron from the counter before coming up behind you. “Hold your hair up for me” He demands.

You grab a fistful of your hair and lift them up as he settles it on your neck before tying the knot at your back. With one last kiss on the back of your neck he joins you.

“How long has it been since you began making this?”

“Not long ago. Thought I’d wait for you to come back home and then continue”

You watch him add the chocochips into the dough. His tattoos are barely visible behind the cozy sweater he’s wearing. At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, Jungkook with his perfect physique and gorgeous face looks good in everything, more so naked, but nothing triggers your cuteness aggression more than him wearing a fluffy knitted sweater, believe it or not. One which you knitted at that.

He pulls your attention away pausing your little drooling session, “How’s Coco bean doing?”

A sudden urge of getting close to him creeps up and you sneak between the counter and him, hugging him as you nuzzle your face in his chest. He smells like cinnamon. He places a gentle kiss on the crown of your head before resting his chin there.

“You smell so good”

“Thanks and she’s as chaotic as ever. Nailea bought the cutest pair of pyjamas for her,” you look up at him, “She looked like a loaf of bread when they made her wear it.”

“No way. Should we buy her another one of those?” he pulls back, barely able to hide the excitement on his face.

“You’re gonna spoil her”

“Damn right I will and if you call this spoiling, wait till I get one of those made by me.”

There it is.

If Jungkook wasn’t so fond of children, would it have been easier for you to cope? You do realize that you’re a stone’s throw away from losing him for once and for all. In the old days you heard somewhere that it takes a strong man to save to save himself and a great man to save another.

You want to be that brave person who saves him from lifelong loathing and regret towards you.

This turning point in your life gives you two options, one where you can hang by a thread and bite your tongue while you continue your life with him, another where you set him free. The latter one wins and you, however, lose.

“Hey you went silent there. You okay?” He cups your cheek with one hand, his thumb grazing your cheekbones so gently you try not to cry.

You nod and flash him a smile. Or at least you try to smile and detach yourself from him. “Perfect. Let’s get those cookies baking shall we?”

Jungkook keeps looking at you with an expression which tells you he’s trying to search for something, but you try not to give anything away. Yet.

He gives you a look, his eyes sparkling under the low light in the room,

“Wait here for a second i’ll be right back”

“Where are you goi-”

“Just a second. Don’t move” His voice trails off as he goes further into the bedroom. A minute later when he comes back, there’s nothing different about him except the sneaky smile on his face. He walks towards you and grabs you by the waist as he sits you on the counter. Your hands instantly clutch his shoulders for support.

“What is happening, baby?” You mumble, clearly in a fog.

He says nothing as he gets down on his knees. Taking a hold of your right leg, he places it on his thigh. You swallow.

He looks up, clashing his eyes with yours, “You ask too many questions, do you know that?”

Seconds later he’s taking something out of his jogger pocket and a cool sensation brushes your skin. You peek down, curiosity finally killing the cat as you see a silver anklet adorned by a pink stone in the middle of it embraced around your ankles.

His name is a whisper on your lips, “Jungkook”

He gets up, facing you as he stands. But not before pecking the anklet as well as your skin. His face which earlier was eerie, now entirely soft.

“Mom sent this for you.”

You don’t hold back tears this time, letting them run free. You glance at the jewellery again as it shines under the light of the kitchen lamp. The pink stone glares at you as if it knows you’re not worthy of such a valuable item.

“It’s beautiful”

He gently wipes the tears away,

“It’s just the beginning, love. I’m not gonna stop until I see a band wrapped around your finger. I feel too lonely being the only one there.”

You playfully smack him on the chest, a giggle slipping free. With a tired shake of your head you admit, “This is overwhelming”

“What is?” he asks,

“All of this,” you keep your gaze on him, sniffing as you continue,“Your little acts of service, your love, your presence and now this gift. I feel like I’m taking too much not giving enough”

Your throat feels too tight, as if someone is just cutting off your air supply when you should be feeling free in his arms.

Jungkook’s eyebrows tense as he reaches for you. Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear he tries to reassure you, “Don’t say that. I hate when you question your worth,” he pecks the back of your hands, “These hands feed me, hold me when I need them to, give me warmth, gentle touches”,

His lips find both of your eyes next as you close them, feeling his soft lips on them,

“These eyes tear up with happiness every time you listen to me in the studio”,

Your ears follow next, “These ears tolerate my snoring”,

Then your lips, “And this mouth, my favourite, whispers ‘i love you’ to me every morning, leaves kisses on my skin, screams my name and most importantly, forms the loveliest smile when I make you happy.” His eyes are oh so gentle as he says this.

You’re about to respond when his phone buzzes on the counter next to you. Your heart stops. Fuck is it Dr. Ana?

To your surprise, it’s Jimin’s number on the screen.

“Pick it up, honey. It might be important.”

His thumb presses on the red button as he declines the call, “I’ll talk to him later. My girlfriend comes first.”

Neither of you say a word as the room gets filled with a comfortable silence. The cookies are long forgotten, your eyes doing all the talking. Even if you try your hardest you’re not sure you can say anything which is remotely justifiable of what he just said to you.

Jungkook is so much more than meets the eye, he’s vulnerable, he’s empathetic, he’s loving. His eyes shine the brightest when he’s happy about something and you’re so full of contempt about the fact that eventually you will be the one to snatch away that shine. This hornet’s nest is going to ruin me, ruin him.

“I wanna kiss you so bad” He whispers, leaning closer but you stop him with your palms on his chest.

“Wait, I-I want to talk about something”

His voice is downright pleading when he says, “Later baby. I’m fucking gonna die if I don’t take that mouth right now. Please?” his breath touches your bare lips.

Feeling a flutter in your chest you nod and he leans towards you, hand cupping your lower jaw as he touches his lips to yours. Softly at first, then his pace quickens. Your hands grab his sweater as you pull him even closer, deepening the kiss. His moan echoes followed by your own as you both lose yourselves in each other. You let go of every menacing thought and just focus on the taste of his lips.

He pulls back slightly, taking a deep breath as he fills his chest with air. Those beautiful lips are pink and swollen from the heated kiss you just shared with him. Getting rid of the sweater, he tosses it aside as his eyes sparkle with amusement.

Without wasting any time he begins nibbling at your neck, slightly biting onto it as your hands run over his back. He’s so beautiful it takes your breath away. Not to toot your own horn but you have the most gorgeous boyfriend and you’re not ashamed to show him off.

His lips ghost over your nipples from over your high neck top and you groan.

“Jungkook, please”

He pulls back with a smug look on his face, “Please what ____?”

“Please fuck me. I need your cock so bad.”

“Yeah? Is that what my girl wants?”

At this point your body is thrumming with anticipation and desire as you watch him move his hands closer to the waistband of your pants. His hands pause when they meet the lace material, his pupils dilate.

He smiles, “It’s the one I gifted you. Were you hoping for this huh?”

Your lips stretch into a smile. You hadn’t particularly hoped for this, no, because your relationship with him is not just based on physical pleasures. You guys have sex of course, but it’s not the prominent part of the bond you share. It’s more than that. The lace lingerie set was gifted to you by Jungkook on a random day. It was one of those quote unquote just because gifts.

“What do you think?” you ask, giving him a quick kiss.

He grabs you by the back of your neck and holds you there for a moment before leaning back and looking straight into your eyes. “I think you should lose it or else I’ll ruin it”

You gasp, swatting him on the bicep. “Don’t you dare. It’s my favourite pair”

Without preamble he picks you off the counter making you wrap your legs around his waist. You both are so close it takes your breath away. Chest to chest, groin to groin, face to face with lips inches away from each other’s as you share a breath.

He walks into your shared bedroom as you clash your lips against his, pulling his lower one between yours, earning a groan out of him. You both are downright feral, letting your hands run over every area of each other’s body. Jungkook’s hands grabbing your ass, yours pulling on his hair lightly before trailing down his chest, pausing on his pecs.

When you reach your bedroom, he sits himself down with you on top of his lap. Your hips move forward and you hiss as your still jean clad pussy brushes his cock. He’s so hard you wonder if he’s close to coming already.

Rough hands scrape over your back, hips, down your thigh before they finally settle on either side of your waist, gipping them tightly but also with a hint of gentleness. One thing you admire about your man is that he doesn’t treat you like a fragile woman, he knows you’re strong and you’ll not break if he’s rough with you.

Jungkook pulls back from your lips.“Fuck honey, you’re such a goddess. Look at this body. I still can’t believe I get to call you mine”

You shake your head, totally under his spell. “I’m the lucky one here, baby. You have no idea how lucky I am.”

His hand brushes over your ass before he dips it inside your pants, reaching your already soaked pussy as he pushes a finger inside you. This earns a whimper from you as you tip your head back.

“That’s where you’re wrong, ____. Want me to show you how lucky I am?” He takes the finger out before pumping it back again. You moan as his other hand gips the nape of your neck and he brings his mouth to your neck, biting on it.

“Oh my god” you cry, seeing him suck the finger clean and face forming an expression filled with the deepest level of satisfaction as he closes his eyes.

Setting his eyes back on you, he sighs, “This isn’t my first time tasting you, honey. But it gets better every fucking time and I find myself craving you an unhealthy amount, you know that? Do you know how crazy I am for you? Could eat you out everyday and wouldn’t need anything else to feel full.” His words send a shiver down your spine. “You’re my favorite meal.”

He pushes three fingers back inside with a slight force and you let out a scream, arching your back. He takes one nipple into his mouth and gives it a long suck, letting it go with a loud pop.

“Oh yes, just like that. Suck it again, baby” You beg and he does exactly that as he takes the other sensitive bud into his mouth.

You’re not sure if you have been this vocal about your needs with anyone before him. Not that you dated a lot, for a person who’s a hopeless romantic to the core you’ve always found yourself waiting for the right one. Additionally, you believed your body to be as sacred as a temple. Surely there had to be a guy somewhere who would treat it as such.

Then, enters Jungkook who not only was out of your league metaphorically but literally. He lived miles away from your place so there was not a chance you could have let anything take place between the both of you. But as they always say, the heart wants what it wants. To put it briefly, there was chemistry, a connection you didn’t want to lose.

Strong fingers pump into you. In and out, in and out. “You’re so wet. What do you say? Should I lick you clean?”

“Yes, ah oh my goodness that’s sooo good” you toss your head back, slowly grinding against his hands.

He wraps an arm around your waist, lifts you off his lap and tosses you back on the bed. Keeping his eyes still locked with yours he gets rid of his jogger, letting his cock spring free.

It bobs and you lick your lips, already wanting to take it into your mouth but you know for a fact that he wouldn’t let you do that, not because he doesn’t want you to but because he wants to give you the highest amount of pleasure first. As he always does.

Jungkook lets out a shaky sigh as gives his cock a pull, his eyes running over your whole body. Up and down then back at your face again. You’re still not fully bare in front of him while he’s standing there, all in his glory.

“Lose the pants” he commands.

You immediately slide out of them and toss them on the floor somewhere. He grabs you by the hips, jerking you to the edge of the bed as he sinks down on his knees. Spreading your legs wider he releases a breath. Warmth touches your wet pussy and you prop yourself up by the elbows to look at him.

You need to look at him if you want to stay sane, have to feel him with you here. Shivers run through you even by the thought of not being able to feel him and this ever again. This might as well be your last day on this god awful planet from the way the ache in your chest keeps on increasing. It makes a home there, not letting you entirely forget about the eventualities.

“God you’re dripping, honey”

“For you” you admit.

Hot and wet kisses are left to the inside of your thigh and your hands find the back of his head as you grip it lightly.

His head lifts up, his eyes finding yours, “Don’t hold back,____. Grip it as tightly as you want to. I don’t want any hesitations because when I fuck you, I’m not going to be holding back. You hear me?”

A desperate moan leaves you, and he rewards you by kissing your pussy. Keeping his eyes on you, he doesn’t give you a chance to whine out your needs before his tongue is licking a single line up your clit.

He moans and gently tugs on your clit. “Such a perfect cunt”

You push his head against your pussy and rock forward, chasing your orgasm.

“Feels so good, feels so perfect, baby” you murmur.

Just when you’re starting to feel the climax incoming, when Jungkook suddenly grabs you by the waist and flips you, so he’s lying down and you’re on top. Then, he grabs you by the back of your neck, pulling you for a heated kiss.

He pulls back, “Sit on my face, my queen”

Your eyes widen and you hesitate, but you don’t want to. You wanna let go, knowing you’re lucky enough to get something like this in this lifetime, so you give in. He hoists you up by the hips, positions you over his face and pulls you down. His warm breath feels like a soft whisper against your pussy.

You cry out in pleasure as soon as his tongue dives deep inside you, squeezing your tits in your hands. Grinding against his face, you close your eyes and just… feel. Feel the heat, feel the emotions, feel the intimacy, feel the ache in your chest.

A thought crosses your head and you wonder if you’re doing something wrong, something selfish. Touching him like this and getting consumed by him feels like you’re doing nothing but ruining him.

He sucks on your clit with sheer eagerness and desire, pulling you further down so you’re putting your weight on his face. Concern perks up and you look down, trying not to crush him but it seems like he couldn’t care less.

“Let go, honey. Just focus on my mouth.”

Let go. God, how bad you hate those words. They feel like acid in your ears.

“Keep going, Jungkook. Don’t you dare stop” you cry out.

Soon enough you’re aching your back, cunt pulsing against his lips as you come. He swallows every single drop as if he’d die if he doesn’t and leaves you in awe. You slump, letting your body relax.

Much to your amusement, he doesn’t give you enough time to relax before he’s turning you over until you’re on your knees. Hot passionate kisses are placed on your sweaty back, pulling a gasp from you.

“What a fucking sight. I wish you could see how stunning you look right now and it’s all because of me, isn’t it? This glistening back, this wet cunt,” he strokes a finger down your pussy, “It’s all because of me and you dare to call yourself lucky?”

You catch a sight of him stroking himself over your shoulders and your breath quickens.

His abs are glistening with sweat and his chin still has your cum on it.

He smirks, “Like what you see, honey”

“You’re beautiful”

His eyes soften, letting his hands drop from his angry and already leaking with precum cock, he grabs either side of your hips and lines himself against your needy pussy. You let your head drop on the mattress and clench your fist, preparing yourself for him. He gives your cunt a slight slap with his cock before filling you in, groaning as he goes deeper.

You moan, “Fuck baby. That’s so deep.”

“You’re so warm, honey. You feel like home” he thrusts again.

His hands grip yours, and he covers your body with his own, still thrusting inside with rough movements. His chest feels warm and safe against your back as it fills you with a deep sense of safety, protection and love.

You match every thrust of his with your own, moving your hips backwards. Your tits are getting equal attention from him as he pinches the two sensitive buds between his fingers.

You both chase your high with you screaming out his name and him whispering yours like a prayer. He gives in one last thrust before he’s coming inside you, his teeth biting on your shoulder. You’re following him soon as you grip the bed sheet tighter in your fist, moaning as you come.

Before you collapse, he pulls you upright and lets his cock slide out of you. His fingers push his cum inside your throbbing cunt, making your stomach twist in pain.

You murmur. “I love you”

His lips stretch into one of those lazy smiles you love so much. “I love you too, my precious girl. Now, do you wanna sleep or go make those cookies?” a sloppy kiss is pressed on your forehead.

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you pull him on top of you, “Should we save those for later? I really wanna cuddle”

He presses a soft kiss on the tip of your button nose, “Sure. Let me clean you up first. You don’t have to move an inch, just relax.”

Minutes later he’s coming back with a bottle of water and a bowl of marshmallows. You bite back a chuckle when you look at his face. There’s such a deep crease between his eyebrows you’d think he’s trying to win a game of uno or something.

But it’s short lived when he places the items on the nightstand and gazes at you, his eyes having the same funny look they had earlier in the kitchen.You try to summon your most unbothered and good natured grin but it doesn’t do shit to stop the electricity from running through your blood.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you ask, biting your lip.

An uncertain laugh slips out of him, “I don’t know. I’m- God, I really don’t know but I have this weird feeling that something is not right.” He begins cleaning you up but you can’t shake the feeling of nervousness and anxiety away.

You know for a fact that he’s right. Something is not right, in fact nothing is right.

He peeks at you from between your legs, “Hey, what is it that you wanted to talk about?”

The air whooshes out of your lungs. Should you come clean? Is it the right time?

You huff a tight laugh. “It’s nothing actually. Can we talk about it later?”

When he’s done cleaning you up he places a small kiss on both your knees and stands up. Offering you a nod, he says, “Whenever you feel like it. I’m not going anywhere”

Yet. He’s not going anywhere yet.

You grin, “I wouldn’t let you”

He lets a laugh slip out as he walks inside the bathroom. Then, he comes back, settles himself beside you and brings you closer by wrapping his arm around your waist. His feet find yours as he touches the anklet with them.

“Let’s sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up” he promises.

Morning comes quickly as the sun casts its glow on your sleepy yet excited eyes. Holding out a hand, you try searching for your boyfriend next to you, but a slight sting arises in your heart when he’s not there. You open your eyes, adjusting to the sunlight.

Although, you hoped you did not wake up, you hoped death consumed you in your sleep because the person across from you is a total stranger. A stranger whose eyes are misty and mouth is pulled down in deep frown, a sunflower bouquet in one hand and the other one holding a blue file so tightly you can see his knuckles turning white.

Jungkook holds out the file to you, “How long were you planning to hide this from me,____?”

For the first time in your life, you hate your name. You hate how bitter it sounds coming from his mouth like this.It has always been “____, you’re my everything,” “I love you,____”, “_____, you mean the world to me”.

Acid bubbles in your stomach at his words, and you can’t help but sob. You wonder if the butterfly was preparing you for this day. If she could talk, what would she have said to you?

The words that leave him next might as well be daggers in your chest, "Tell me, honey. Is it the important thing you wanted to talk about but held back just to get a good fuck out of me?"

@fluttershy-vanilla @theyysam37 love you pookies. enjoy <3

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frogadir · 1 month ago

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Here are some campaigns from people who have reached out recently that I'd like to share—some are newer and low on funds, while others are super close to meeting their goals! As always, please choose a family to support if you are able <3

@jamela-salem – Jameela, who has cancer and needs treatment, and her husband. €775/€30,000 (3%)

@hebanaseif – Heba and her family. €1,895/€50,000 (4%)

@aboodfamile – The Al-Anqar family (first fundraiser was shut down, so they've had to start a new one). €8,497/€50,000 (17%)

@leenakhamiss1 – Lena, her husband, and their children. €5,839/€100,000 (6%)

@anas-basilgaza – Anas and his brother Ahmad. €3,702/€29,000 (13%)

@mahaibrahim12 – Maha, her husband, their children, and her parents-in-law. £13,593/£81,000 (17%)

@samerpal – Samer, his wife, and their young children. kr148,578/kr450,000 (kr10=$1) (33%)

@yazanfamily2 – Mohammad, his wife, and their children. €16,830/€50,000 (34%)

@jomana-ha – Jumana's husband's family (urgent medical care needed). $21,743/$60,000 (36%)

@tahseenfamily – Tahseen, his wife, and their children. $15,498/$30,000 (52%)

@abood-gaza9 – Abood and his wife, who is pregnant and needs medical care. $27,281/$40,000 (68%)

@yousef-falestinef – Falestine and her family, including her son who was born during the war. $33,312/$40,000 (83%)

@hayanahed – Haya and her family. €94,056/€100,000 (94% !!)

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a-shade-of-blue · 25 days ago

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Hi everyone. I've been asked by Yahya (@yahyabkheet-blog) to share his story with you.

Yahya is 33 years old and has 3 children all under the age of 10: Dima, Mira, and Anas. It hurts him a lot to see his children suffering from hunger. As aid trucks cannot enter Gaza to deliver food like flour to the people, the only flour they have are filled with worms and weevils. Little Mira cries every night because her stomach hurts from hunger and she cannot sleep!

Hunger is not the only suffering they face. Due to drinking polluted water, Anas has developed a skin disease. Yahya's mother suffers from heart diseases and diabetes and both his parents need medical treatment. Yet because of the scarcity of medical resources and the lack of money, Yahya can only watch helplessly and his loved ones suffer.

Moreover, they are also not equipped to deal with the coming winter. They need to repair their tent so that it can shield them from the cold and the rain, but they do not have the funds to buy the materials to do so!

And that all is in addition to the frequent bombings they face! Please help them!

This campaign is vetted by nabulsi, #110 on @/gazavetters vetted list!!

Only €5,928 raised of €30,000 goal! Only 1 donation in more than 2 days!

Tagging for reach, please message me if you want off the mailing list! We thank you in advance.

@fagbutchpunk @t4t4t @grapejuicedragoon @fly-sky-high-09 @itwashotwestayedinthewater @professionalchaoticdumbass @sippybug @plum-soup @captainsplat @vasira96 @suggestionsofkindness @catgirl-kaiju @melissa-titanium @psalidodont @18thcenturythirsttrap @weirdplutoprince @xanfeursel @droodlebug @tothepointofinsanity @antrunner @xgoldenlatiasx @cinnamontoasten @idensgarden @rhythmlessgay @edith-is-a-cat @lun4rc0w @sylvianritual @beatricebidelaire @strawberriandromeda @toiletpotato @fromjannah @socalgal @chilewithcarnage @ghelgheli @hamletisintown @rocking-space-dragon @sapphling @wouldingwaul @forevergulag @alexandrium

#yahyabkheet-blog

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tojisun · 9 months ago

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baby, i’m thinking very hardly about toji as a girl dad. he would spoil his perfect little munchkin so much🥹🥹 it would fix me tbh *cries in daddy issues*

aww ana no because i really do think toji will be such a good girl dad!! thinking about the way he would spoil her so much :((

..me when angst cant escape me so im subjecting this to you too:

thinking about toji spoiling tsumiki more than he does with megumi. how, he loves the two of them equally—even if toji thinks he does not know how to love—but he just could not show it well.

because it was easy with tsumiki, someone who's an outsider. someone who is not toji's own blood. but with megumi, toji needed to be tough. he needed to help his boy get strong enough to beat the greedy bastards who kept hunting for his son because of course his son just so happened to inherit the damned ten shadows.

but with tsumiki, with your daughter, toji feels lighter. more normal. more settled.

and maybe it's also because megumi loves tsumiki with just as much fervour that it never seemed to be an issue. it never seemed to register to toji how it must look like with him pampering your (and his) daughter all the while setting megumi off to train, with the boy often returning back home with wounded knees and scrapes all over his baby cheeks.

you always told him how he should be more gentle with megumi. how he's just a boy, too young to understand what it is that toji is teaching him to do, but megumi brushes off your own worries and demands more training.

it makes you and tsumiki worry, unable to grasp the bubbling desperation from toji and megumi, the boy who is, by all accounts, your son.

"please," you told toji once, curled into his arms. "please let him be what he is—our boy."

and toji paused, taken aback.

there was something fundamentally different in the way you love; the way he was never been blessed with. it was, is, all soft and gentle. cascading fortitude packed into tender affection. it had been a marvel then—how easy it was for you to accept him and his son into your life; how easy it was for tsumiki to share you with his son.

was that what it was when one grows up in a family brimming with love?

toji thought of tsumiki, how her smile was bright as she jumped into his arms or pulled megumi into yours. how she would run to toji when nightmares plagued her, or how she would read megumi bed time stories, her little voice lilting into her exhaustion.

he thought about the easy childhood she has, how fortunate of her that she has you to guide her through, and realized that it was not late to save megumi.

to spare him from the troubles that toji went through.

so he said, then, "okay."

but what he really wanted to say was, "thank you."

basically, toji and megumi with mommy issues meeting you, and realizing how good it is to be loved <33

#ana <3 #toji fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #suns #ask #q

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pablitogavii · 1 year ago

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Care

Summary: Before Pablo, you were in a toxic and abusive relationship so when you two play fight, you flinch and Pablo notices immediately reminding you that he would always take care of you <33

Pairing: Pablo Gavi x Reader

Warnings: slight angst/ fluffy <3

"Amor! Give me the remote!" Pablo was trying to grab the remote from your hand repeatedly to play some boring football game but you were watching your favorite Telenovela.

"Not a chance! I need to see if Juan Carlos marries Ana in this episode!" you say hiding it behind your back with your eyes glued to the screen.

"Bebé sometimes I think you love Juan Carlos more than me!" Pablo whined and you chuckled at how easily your Sevillano gets jealous, even of fictional characters.

"I do have a particular weakness for Spaniards.." you start earning a glare from your boyfriend "but I also tend to fall for angry Barça midfielders" you finished earning a smirk as he moved to sit closer.

"Lindaaa" he rubbed his nose against yours and you blushed closing your eyes waiting for the kiss but instead he grabbed the remote from your hand switching the channel.

"Pablo!!" you whine this time you trying to steal a remote from his hands while straddling his lap making smirk but still keep the remote out of your reach.

"Give it back Gavira!!" you said while he chuckled whenever you would use his full name when you get angry.

"Try and get it nena" Pablo challenged with a smirk and you pouted trying to think how to win against him knowing how much stronger he was that you. Then you came up with an idea! Tickle war! He might me toned and muscular but he is ticklish like a baby!

When you started tickling him he started to move around bringing his hand forwards to stop you but that movement made you flinch instinctively which made him stop completely shocked that you just did that.

"Amor? Hey, you okay? I was just going to grab your hand..I would never actually hurt you..why did you flinch?" Pablo felt horrible seeing your eyes fill with years. You weren't upset at him or what he did knowing that Pablo would never lay a finger at you like that, but hating the fact that after so many years it was still affecting you.

"Um..I should..I should go..I'm sorry" you got off his lap feeling horrible that you couldn't still get over what happened to you in the past not wanting to bother Pablo with it.

"No..no..no..por favor..don't leave...I can't handle you being afraid of me..I..would never hurt you.." Pablo stood up as well careful to keep his distance as to not make you flinch again and you appreciated it very much. Not many people knew how to properly handle you in these kinds of situations.

"I'm not afraid of you cariño..it was just..um..an instinct" you admitted playing with the edge of your shirt while looking down at the floor sadly. You didn't want Pablo to think you are damaged so you haven't told him anything in the past few months that you were dating.

"Can I..hold you amorcito? Please?" Pablo asked not wanting to invade your personal space until he knew that's what you wanted and you nodded smiling as his arms wrapped around your waist and he pulled you to sit back down on the couch in between his legs rested against his toned chest.

"Tell your Pablito linda..I need to know about this" Pablo said and you sighed nodding your head knowing that he was right.

"My ex hit me one time..and ever since then I flinch when someone's hand moves towards my face..I'm sorry" you say feeling even more guilty now that you said it aloud.

"You have nothing to be sorry for nena..How could someone do something like that to you? You are the sweetest most precious girl I have ever met in my life..I'm so sorry mi anjo" his hand was in your hair as he stroked it gently while your head rested on his chest and you were focused on his heartbeat while tears spilled out your eyelids and down your cheeks.

"He was very jealous..wouldn't let me go out with my friends..and that nigh I went behind his back and he got very angry..." you said and Pablo kissed the top of your head as you looked up shattering his heart when he saw your tearful eyes sparkling sadly up at him.

"Is that why you asked me if you could wear that dress when we went out with Frankie and Mikky?" Pablo said and you nodded feeling little embarrassed but the way he asked felt judgement free and you were comfortable to be honest with him.

"I want you to listen to me now princesa. In this relationship, you can wear whatever you like, you can go out with your friends, you don't have to feel like you have to ask me what you are allowed to do..I trust you..and I love you..and I know you love me..and I will make sure not to do things that might trigger you to flinch and bring back those horrible memories now that I know about it.." Pablo speaking softly while caressing your face made your tears fall faster from how comforting his words were and how safe you finally felt with a man.

"I love you so much Pablo..thank you" you nuzzled into his neck counting to softly cry while he kissed the top of your head lovingly moving his hand softly up and down your back soothingly.

"I love you too nena..you are my special girl..and I want you to feel safe when your are with me" Pablo spoke and you looked up pecking his lips softly to which he smiled.

"I do feel safe..and I should have told you earlier. I just didn't want you to think I was demanded.." you admit and he kissed your nose and then your forehead.

"We are all a little damaged nena, that's because we are human..but this doesn't make you any less perfect in my eyes I promise..if anything I think you are so brave" Pablo said drying your tears while you cuddled up to him closer smiling to yourself.

He changed the channel back to your Telenovela sitting there watching it with you for the rest of the night while holding and kissing you from time to time just to assure you that he is still right there next to you..<3

Short but very important story for me..hope you like it <3

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lenasai · 30 days ago

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evacuation fundraisers that need your help - last updated 10/24

weekly gaza funds spotlight campaign:

€7,367 / €100,000

previous gaza funds spotlight campaigns:

ahmad abuabdou: €7,433 / €12,500

hassan abdullah: $6,615 / $40,000

hossam abo shab: 65,244 SEK / 200,000

firas al-shaer: $8,556 / $50,000

raghad and family: $83,210 / $100,000

mosab moqat: €6,319 / €7,500

saja mashharawi: $6,674 CAD / $45,000

nizar zakout: CHF26,197 / CHF35,000

ghazi mekawi: €10,006 / €50,000

vetted fundraisers:

kawla-gaza01: $17,961 / $20,000 (more info here)

steadydreamenthusiast: €2,799 / €100,000 (#133 on this list)

mohmadelser: €2,233 / €50,000 (#66 on this list)

ahmadbasilgaza and anas-basilgaza: €4,077 / €29,000 (see pinned post)

supportsalman-90: €4,745 / €50,000 (reblogged by 90-ghost)

olagaza1: $59,372 / $85,000 (see pinned post)

teto110: $305 / $20,000 (see pinned post)

kenzish: €16,203 / €50,000 (#75 on this list)

yusra-maryam58: $6,154 / $30,000 (see pinned post)

mahmoudayyads: €7,567 / €55,000 (reblogged by 90-ghost)

ahmedomar3: €6,813 / €50,000 (see pinned post)

abedallhferwanagaza: €12,166 / €35,000 (see pinned post)

nourayman: €3,773 / €60,000 (see pinned post)

abdelmuteiblog: €14,746 / €50,000 (reblogged by 90-ghost)

hanangaza: $8,734 / $100,000 (see pinned post)

alimeq92: €2,766 / €70,000 (see pinned post)

deyaa-97 and asmaayyad1: €26,340 / €45,000 (see pinned post)

ammarfamily: €450 / €10,000 (reblogged by 90-ghost)

nouralkhaldi98: €527 / €150,000 (see pinned post)

ghadeerarqan: €9,385 / €20,000 (see pinned post)

savebasmalafamily1: €9,750 / €50,000 (see pinned post)

yousef-falestinef: $33,705 / $40,000 (reblogged by 90-ghost)

jomana-ha: $21,778 / $60,000 (more info here)

ahmedhells-blog: €20,680 / €80,000 (reblogged by 90-ghost)

abedhilles: $4,310 / $35,000 (reblogged by 90-ghost)

ahmaad860: €9,902 / €50,000 (see pinned post)

hadeelmekki: €17,990 / €35,000 (see pinned post)

osama--basil-blog: €3,896 / €15,000 (see pinned post)

sewarjalal: €312 / €25,000 (see pinned post)

shamiamja: 69,744 SEK / 250,000 (see pinned post)

ashraffblog: €26,170 / €30,000 (see pinned post)

rewaaamir-family: $401 CAD / $55,000 (see pinned post)

nedaaabd: €272 / €50,000 (reblogged by 90-ghost) - time-sensitive, only open for 2 months

ibrahim-family: €4,474 / €10,000 (see pinned post)

more vetted fundraisers:

famousturtlebanana: €62,109 / €70,000 (see pinned post) - this is a side account for one of the founders of gazavetters, please consider showing his family some love

unvetted but likely legitimate:

mohammedshaat: €3,762 / €20,000

hebanaseif: €1,950 / €50,000

dareen-family: $1,455 / $60,000 - no donations in 6 days!

ahmad-safi97: £776 / £20,000

smile-of-hope: $0 / $150,000

mahmoud04: €407 / €65,000 - no donations in 12 days!!

aboyousef1973: €2,953 / €25,000

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mesetacadre · 3 months ago

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The Yugoslav volunteers in the International Brigades

Translated from this article, my own comments in [italicized brackets]

The total number of Yugoslavs in Spain differs according to researchers. The French historian, Hervé Lemesle, states that the total exceeds 1900, with the main contingent being Croatian, followed by Slovenes and Serbs. A majority were workers from many sectors and peasants. There were also doctors, engineers, teachers, journalists, and students. Most traveled from Yugoslavia, although there were groups of exileds or migrants from many European countries, as well as the US, Canada or Argentina.

The number of deaths (including MIA) in Spain is close to 800, a very high percentage (40%), although other studies estimate 32%. At any rate, it’s higher than the average losses for the International Brigades (27%). The most notorious victim was Blagoje Parović [Šmit, nom de guerre], part of the Communist Party of Yugoslavia’s Central Committee and political commissar of the XIII International Brigade, who died the first day in the Battle of Brunete. His remains were buried in the Fuencarral cemetery.

There were 16 Yugoslav women in the Health Services. The oldest was 43, while the youngest were only 22 years old. Most of the female volunteers arrived in Spain in 1937, from the Kingdom of Yugoslavia or countries such as Algeria, Belgium, Czechoslovakia, France, and Uruguay. Some of those women had been active agents of the worker movement or even members of the CPY before leaving for Spain. Those who lacked medical training attended a preparation course beforehand. They worked in the hospitals of Murcia, Albacete, Benicasim, Denia, Madrigeras, Vic, and other cities. Avgust Lesnik writes: “There were 16 women: doctors Adela Bohunicki, Nada Dimitrijević-Nešković, and Dobrila Mezić-Šiljak, [as well as the nurses] Ana-Marija Basch (Baš), Olga Dragić-Belović (Milić Milica), Elizabeta-Liza Gavrić, Marija-Peči Glavaš, Marija Habulin, Lea Kraus, Tereza Kučera, Lujza Pihler (Demić Borka), Ottilia Reschitz-Zanoni, Ana Seles-Brozović, Kornelija Sende-Popović, Eugenia Simonetti, and Marija Šneeman”.

Borka Demic (right) in the Pasionaria Hospital of Murcia (colored by Tina Paterson)

If I were to be born again, I’d continue fighting for the ideals of my youth. Then, nothing was difficult and I don’t regret anything (Borka Demic)

The Yugoslav volunteers in the various units and arms

After the formation of the International Brigades, the Yugoslav volunteers were distributed throughout different units. For instance, the Edgar André battalion had 36, the Thälmann had 93, Garibaldi had 40, and Chapaiev had 78. The main body of Yugoslavs, however, were first integrated into the Balkan company of the Dombrowski battalion (120), and immediately after, into the Dimitrov battalion. By early 1938 a good portion of the Yugoslavs were integrated into two of the 129th Brigade’s battalions: Dimitrov (191) and Djaković (150). They were also a part of the 45th International Division (108)

There was Yugoslav presence in various arms and services: 4 in aviation; 12 in transport units, 1 in the navy, 33 in the International Brigades’ health service, and 26 in the guerrilla groups (one of the most experienced of which was Ljubomir Ilič). More important than this was their presence (131 members) in the artillery arm, of which there were 21 in the heavy artillery Slav Group, 22 in the 2nd heavy artillery Škoda Group’s Liebknecht Battery, 18 in the 3rd heavy artillery Group, 38 in the 4th anti-tank Group’s Stjepan Radić battery, 6 in the 35 Division’s Ana Pauker artillery Group, 5 in the 45 Division’s Rosa Luxembourg artillery Group, and 21 in the Gottwald battery. Furthermore, 65 Yugoslavs fought in the Spanish units of the Republican Army. (Avgust Lesnik)

They fought in almost every front in Spain, from the defense of Madrid to the very last battles of the retreat into France (Januray-February 1939) being an example of fearlessness and courage, because of which a good part of them received war medals from the Spanish Republican Government.

The Dimitrov battalion until December 1937

As has been explained in another article, the Dimitrov battalion was formed in January 1937 in the instructional base in Mahora. They entered battle the 12th of February in the Jarama battle, which finished the 27th of that same month. Then, until mid June, it stayed covering that from with the other battalions of the XV International Brigade.

After a two week rest in Ambite (Tajuña valley), the XV Brigade travelled to Madrid’s north to take part of the first great republican offensive in Brunete. Combat started during the night of the 5 to the 6th of July. The XV International Brigade was a part of, along the XIII and 16 BM, the XV Division under general Gal’s command [János Gálicz, a Soviet-Hungarian officer who also led the Lincoln Battalion]. The mission was to take the heights of Romanillos (XIII IB) and Mosquito (XV IB). It wasn’t possible because operations were slow and the brigades could not take the important francoist positions. The Dimitrov went as far as taking the Miraval Olive Grove, but in the 18th of July, when the first francoist counter-offensive commences, they lost it. Since that point, the republican positions began to retreat until the 22nd, when they were forced to cross back through the Guadarrama river. The XV IB was relieved the 26th of July and went back to where they began the offensive.

In late July, the Dimitrov returned to Ambite (Tajuña valley) and was able to reorganize: the battalion, that had arrived with 143 combatants, reached 563. In this way, in the 24th of August, it threw itself with renewed force against the Aragonian village of Quinto, which fell 26th. During the taking of the village and the Purburell hill, which defended them to the east, the Dimitrov battalion’s courage stood out. The same was true in the fierce week-long combat to subdue Belchite.

After this battle, the Dimitrov was detached from the XV Brigade and, during the few following months, was a part of, along with the Djuro Djakovic battalion, the 45th International Division’s Reserve Group. It was a period that they dedicated to military education and to the surveillance of the Huesca Front from the second line. In January 1938 they received the order to transfer to the Southern Front. Close to Almadén, in Chillón, the last International Brigade was formed, the 129th; composed of these two battalions plus the newly created Masaryk battalion.

The Djuro Djakovic Battalion

Composed primarily of Yugoslav volunteers, plus a few Czechoslovaks and Bulgarians, adopted their name in memory of that Croat revolutionary and member of the CPY, tortured and executed in 1929 by order of the king and dictator Alexander the First.

It was formed in April 1937 from the Balkan Company of the Dombrowski battalion. This Company had participated, with the Dombrowski, in the Defense of Madrid and in the battles of Boadilla, Jarama, and Guadalajara. Its excellent conduct pushed general Lukács [Béla Frankl, or Máté Zalka, nom de guerre Pál Lukács, a Hungarian veteran of the Russian Civil War, where he fought alongside the Bolsheviks, he died 2 months later in Huesca], leader of the XII IB, to convert the Company into the core from which the new Djure Djakovic battalion would arise. Its first combat happened in April 1937 in Santa Quiteria, in the Aragon Front, along the Rakosi battalion and the Karl Marx Division.

It returned to Carabaña (Madrid) to reorganize under the command of Bulgarian captain Jristov, and marched to Roquetes in June (close to Tortosa) to join the 150th IB (Dombrowski Brigade), formed in May from the Dombrowski, Rakosi, and André Marty battalions. This brigade plus the XII IB formed the 45th division, under the command of General Kléber [Manfred Stern, nom de guerre Emilio Kléber, a Ukranian Jew member of Soviet military intelligence], was sent to Madrid in early July to take part in the Brunete offensive as a reserve unit to the XVIII Army Corps.

The Djakovic battalion did not have any special role in Brunete, but it did in the following offensive towards Zaragoza (24th of August - 7th of September), as was expressed in Wladimir Stopczyk’s final report as Commissar of the XIII IB: “It has been told to me how, when they had been encircled and cut off there was no panic whatsoever, nor any case of disobeying an order. They conducted themselves with an equal parts spirit of sacrifice and discipline, as they continue to do so, as well as the soldiers of our Brigade’s other battalions. I have to specially remark the Djakovic battalion’s attitude who, despite the heavy losses suffered in the last scuttles, with intense fire from fascist artillery and aviation, maintained a dignified and heroic attitude”.

Both in this instance as in the October attack against Fuentes de Ebro, this battalion suffered many losses. Afterwards, the Dimitrov and Djakovic battalions were designated as the 45th Division’s Reserve Group. This division, from October 1937 to January 1938, remained in the Litera region as reinforcement of the first line at the Huesca front.

The 129th International Brigade

In February 1938, these two battalions, with the predominantly Czechoslovak Masaryk battalion, formed the 129th IB, in Chillón, close to Almadén. It was led by the Polish Wacław Komar [born Mendel Kossoj, known in Spain as Wacek Komar, a Jewish survivor of the Holocaust and member of the Polish Communist Party until his retirement in 1967]. In addition to these battalions, the 129th IB had at its disposal an anti-tank battery made up of Yugoslavs, a mortar company and a cavalry squadron. In late March 1938. the 129th IB was transferred to the area around Morella, where it suffered heavy losses. The fascist troops led by general Aranda and the Italian Divisions advanced with numerous human and material resources, and the three battalions suffered severe losses. To this, the errors of the Republican command must be added, despite which the volunteers fought with high valor. Finally, in the 4th of April, the 129th evacuated the fort of Morella and retreated to rebuild its forces in Benassal, northeast of Castellón.

Yugoslav volunteers of the Djakovic battalion during the strategic retreat in Teruel

Once rebuilt and rearmed (the brigade once surpassed 2000 members), it initiated a series of defensive combats in the 17th of April in the province of Teruel in the context of the battle of the Levant. The scarcely-known feat began in Ejulve, in the province of Teruel’s north. For three months, these volunteers had the leading role in a strategic retreat of 225km [139.8 miles], through the mountains of Teruel, which brought them up to the Javalambre front, passing through Mora de Rubielos. In this last front, the 129th IB kept the defense and carried out a few attacks, highlighting the 18th of September attack to take the road from Teruel to Sagunto, the last swan song of a brigade that covered itself in glory during its short 7 month lifespan.

The Yugoslav volunteers at the end of the war in Spain

The international volunteers were disbanded in the 24th of September. In the center-south area it was done 2 weeks after, in early October. Those who remained in the Catalan region were concentrated in Campdevanol, north of Ripoll. A good part of the Yugoslavs, presents in the 129th IB and the artillery units, were concentrated in the Admiral’s headquarters in Valencia. In December, they were transported to Almusafes until they were able to travel to Barcelona by boat the 20th of January.

Days later, before Barcelona’s fall and the coming republican collapse, most of the Yugoslavs offered themselves as volunteers to help in the task of preventing the fascist advance, which they did from the 26th of January until February 6th. This is how Svetsilav Dorevic told it: “The end of our fight has come, the internationals’ last compromise was to help the Spanish fellows to contain the enemy at least a little bit, so the evacuation that had to be done could be done without panic and in order, so it did not fall prey to the enemy, as well as to prevent the capture of people at risk of death”.

After, came the concentration camps in Argeles sur Mer, Saint Cyprien, Collioure, Gurs, and others. Many managed to escape, others were transferred to the French work camps, others to the French resistance, as well as the resistance in other European countries. The metallurgical worker Koturović (“Cot”), of Belgrade, was a legendary hero of the French Resistance Movement, in which Ljubomir Ilič, Vlajko Begović, and Lazar Latinović also played a marked role.

Almost 350 were able to return to Yugoslavia, of which 250 joined the partisan fight beared by Tito [Another international volunteer] and the CPY. Around 150 perished in the national liberation war from 1942 to 1945. Many of those organized insurrections, led guerrilla detachments, or were unit chiefs. Because of their merits in the fight against the fascist invaders, the Popular Hero of Yugoslavia medal was awarded to more than 50 ex-combatants of the International Brigades, amongst which were Franc Rozman, Koča Popović, Kosta Nadj, Vladimir Popović, Peko Dapčević, Iván Rukavina, Danilo Lekić, Dušan Kveder, Veljko Kovačević, Srećko Manola, Vlado Cetković, Vojo Todorović, Otmar Kreačić, and Vicko Antić. All the rest were awarded with high medals.

#brigades #this was a challenging but enjoyable translation #I'm disappointed I was unable to find more info about some of the officials mentioned

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writing-rat · 6 months ago

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Perverted Hacker

Content: 18+ Content, Smut, Strap-On, Cunnilingus, Sammy is a pervert

Summary: Sammy hacks into Joey's phone and sees her nudes. She already wanted to hook up with the older woman, this made her desire it more.

WC: 1808

Sammy was bored. They were in the truck as they had just finished kidnapping the girl and they were nearly out of the city when Sammy saw a glint of something under her seat. It then turned off. That was when she realised it was a phone and she knew who it belonged to since they had just taken their mask off in the car. Joey. Thinking, she grabbed it discreetly as she hooked it up to her computer. Sure, a high school student would do it, but she didn’t care. She was attracted to the woman that she figured out was a mother. It was obvious from the lock screen. Quick to hack into it, she stole all the photos before she unhooked it and looked behind. No one seemed to have noticed what she had done, Dean focused on driving while listening to his rap music.

“Hey, medic. Dropped your phone,” she spoke with a smile, looking at Joey. “Oh, thank you,” Joey responded with a soft smile, grabbing her phone. Sammy couldn’t help but glance down at her cleavage, the shirt she was wearing doing wonders for the 23-year-old's brain. She wondered how old Joey was too. Humming under her breath, she kept a separate tab open, making it smaller so people couldn’t see as she was looking through Joey’s text firsts, learning her name quickly. She smirked, she could track more info about her then. That’s when she went through her notes, finding out how long she had been sober. She was surprised that a woman as beautiful as Ana had a drug problem.

That’s when she decided to go to the photos, surprised that the first photo she saw was some of her nudes. She couldn’t help but click on it, admiring the woman. What she wasn’t aware of was that Joey had noticed. The medic knew that the hacker was a pervert already since she did openly stare at her tits when she unzipped her jacket. To be honest everyone did but Sammy was more obvious and even licked her lips. Sammy continued to look through her photos, loving to see the occasional nudes before she closed the tab. She would look more in-depth after the mission. She couldn’t help but fantasise about hooking up with the medic.

Soon enough they were at the mansion, everyone going in as Sammy stripped out of the navy blue jumpsuit she was wearing, revealing her yellow undershirt, black top, mesh top and her skirt. Joey couldn’t help but admire the girl before she looked away. “You have 5 minutes to set up the girl in a room and set up a lookout point. Meet back here,” the boss spoke. Joey immediately picked up the girl as Sammy went to help Joey. Joey didn’t push her away at all, just let her follow as she was soon getting out some handcuffs. “You always a pervert?” Joey asked the hacker when they were a distance away from people. Sammy looked shocked. “What?” she asked. “You staring at my tits then also downloading my nudes from off my phone,” she teased her, being more confident as Sammy had a heavy blush. “I was just curious about you then stumbled on them,” Sammy admitted, but didn’t look at the woman. “How old are you?” she blurted. “33, you?” Joey asked with a raised eyebrow. “23,” Sammy answered. Joey nodded as she sat Abigail down.

That’s when the both of them went down, not wanting to push everyone’s patience. They would talk more, Sammy knew it. She would also try and seduce her…

It had been 10 minutes since Joey got everyone’s observations and Sammy was on the lookout for the older woman, wanting to see her and hook up with her if possible. If she had more time she would want to get to know her. She was skipping around before she bumped into Joey as the 2 just turned a corner. Joey was on the bottom. “Damn. I knew you wanted me but didn’t think you’d bottom,” Sammy teased. That was when Joey suddenly switched positions and got up. “What makes you think that?” Joey asked, raising an eyebrow. Sammy just smiled. “So… what do you say about having a round? We won’t be seeing each other after this,” Sammy spoke, avoiding the question. “You’ve seen my address and name already I bet. You will be going to visit. Anyway, I’m professional. You aren’t… clearly,” Joey resisted. Sammy shrugged. “Can’t a MILF chaser have a chance?” she asked, pouting. “Tell me your name first then you can do whatever to me,” Joey reasoned. It was fair since Sammy knew her name. “Jessica, Jessica Hurney,” she spoke happily. Joey looked around around before she grabbed Sammy by the hand, and took her to a clean bedroom.

“What do you want to do?” Joey asked, letting Sammy take over. Sammy smirked before she pushed Joey down on the bed and straddled her. That was when Joey felt something. There was a strap-on, she could tell immediately when Sammy moved her hips again. Joey blushed hard. “I always wanted to dominate a MILF. Let me pleasure you,” she asked, looking at the older woman beneath her. All the other ones she got with were dominant after all. “Ok,” Joey breathed out and Sammy was quick to celebrate but also was quick to start kissing Joey.

Joey kissed back in surprise, her arms being pinned down by Sammy’s hand, the tattooed blonde straddling her and pressing her fake dick against Joey’s stomach. Slowly but surely her other hand was going under her shirt. “Want to be fully nude or not?” Sammy asked. Joey blushed. “Nude, you have more space then,” Joey explained, knowing that this was breaking a rule. The no grab-ass one. She didn’t care though, not at that moment in time. Sammy grinned excitedly as she started to kiss the girl again, using both hands this time as they went under her shirt, rubbing at her waist before she slowly started to pull it up. Joey kept her hands up as they were kissing, only removing their lips from each other to take off the shirt. Sammy also eyed her breasts, seeing she wasn’t wearing a bra. Sammy loved that as she kissed the corner of her lip, trailing to her jaw and her neck, her hands slowly unbuttoning her jeans and unzipping them too. Joey didn’t even realise until they were being pulled down. Sammy was disappointed to see she was wearing underwear yet delighted too. It showed how wet Joey was and she saw a big patch as she soon sucked on her breasts.

Joey meanwhile moaned as she threw her head back, feeling how Sammy’s finger rubbed against her wetness too. She was only in her underwear now, Sammy having taken off her boots somehow. “Please strip too,” Joey practically begged. Sammy smirked. “Call me daddy from now on,” Sammy giggled before she started to take off her vest, top and bra, revealing her bare breasts. While Sammy sucked on her nipples and rubbed her, Joey groped at the blonde’s breasts. Sammy let out a moan of pleasure as she was riding against the latina’s thigh before she suddenly ripped off her underwear.

“I want to make sure you stay nude for me,” Sammy growled just as Joey was about to protest, where she crawled down her body, her skirt being removed as she also wasn’t wearing underwear. She also kicked her shoes off before she sniffed Joey’s crotch, before licking. “Sammy,” Joey gasped, throwing her head back as she gripped at her hair. “First I want you to cum all over my tongue and fingers then all over my strap. Got it, baby girl?” Sammy growled. Joey nodded. “Yes Daddy,” she moaned as she gripped Sammy’s hair. Sammy smirked before she was licking more, sucking at the right times around her clit. Sammy also spanked her ass as Joey gasped, moaning louder. Sammy wouldn’t be surprised if everyone could hear now, and she loved how loud Joey could get as she started to press her middle finger against her entrance. Joey moaned louder.

“Please, need your finger,” Joey begged. Sammy just grinned before she entered it inside of her, still licking and sucking as one hand went and squeezed her ass. Sammy thrusted the finger in gently, realising that Joey was already quite loose. “You’ve masturbated recently,” Sammy stated, Joey moaning as she was embarrassed it was that easy to tell she had. “God, that’s hot. I want to watch you masturbate one day,” she kept speaking casually as she was fingering the older woman, licking and sucking her clit again. Joey whimpered as she came quickly and Sammy was lapping it all up as she was wanting every drop.

“Ready for my dick?” Sammy asked with a smirk. Joey blushed as she was nodding. “Please Daddy,” she practically begged. Sammy soon crawled up the older woman’s body as she kissed her again. Joey kissed back in desperation, moaning when Sammy was slowly entering inside her. Sammy meanwhile took that opportunity to enter her tongue into the older woman’s mouth, causing the both to moan louder as Sammy was glad she inserted a double-sided strap. She wanted pleasure after all too. Joey was getting louder once again, Sammy was sure she was louder than before though and she loved that. Everyone would know what they were doing. Sammy meanwhile kept thrusting, slow and gentle at first as Joey didn’t need to adjust. Soon though she got faster and rougher and it seemed Joey preferred it much more. That led to Sammy spanking her while they kissed too, Joey arching her back more. Sammy grinned as one hand kept ahold of her ass, the other rubbing her nipple. The 2 girls didn’t separate from the kiss until they couldn’t breathe. When they pulled away, however, a string of saliva kept them together as they caught their breath, kissing more as Sammy kept hitting Joey’s G-spot. Joey was wriggling around as she was moaning, unable to stay still, going crazy from all the touching that was happening. Sammy loved seeing the medic losing all control of her body as she kept kissing her a lot. Joey clenched against the toy, stopping Sammy from moving for a bit as it was obvious she had come. Sammy moaned as she was getting closer before she suddenly came herself, Sammy collapsing on her as they were breathing heavily.

“You were much better than I thought you would be,” Joey said, looking directly at Sammy. Sammy smirked. “I love to please people, what can I say?” Sammy teased. Joey shook her head as she was thinking. “We can continue hooking up after this mission,” Joey concluded and Sammy grinned.

Sammy couldn’t wait.

#joey abigail #joey #sammy #sammy abigail #abigail 2024 #abigail #abigail movie #abigail the movie #joey x sammy #sammy x joey #ana lucia cruz #jessica hurney #ratboy writes #ratboy writing

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beecauseevan · 2 months ago

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I would love some romantic buddie! As much as you can give me! Imo buck comes across as the more outwardly romantic/wears his heart on his sleeve kinda guy. I think eddie always wanted to be romantic but never allowed himself to be, because maybe he never felt safe enough or thought it wasn't the "manly" thing to do. So maybe he does like lots of little things to show buck how much he loves him, and something super super romantic like home cooked dinner, candles, bath etc. I mean like the cringest, most sappy romantic shit you can think of...give it all to me

Eddie steps back and surveys his work, a nervous breath escaping him. He can't afford a single mistake. This has to be flawless—it has to become one of those nights they'll always look back on with fondness. Fifty years from now, when Hildy and her AI overlords have taken over the world and even Eddie's extensive core workouts can't keep the back pain at bay anymore, the memory of tonight has to be one of those things that keep them going, along with walking chairs and arthritis meds. There's no room for anything but perfection here, because tonight has been years in the making.

As he stands there, casting a critical eye over the scene in front of him, all of those years come back to him. Six years of painful longing, crashing into Eddie like a high caliber bullet, tearing his body to pieces.

He's 31 and standing in a hospital waiting room, tired and guilty while Isabel suffers because Eddie can't get his shit together. He's 31 and Buck nods at him from across the station because he made sure Chris could come. He's 31 and Buck introduces him to Carla and a weight lifts from his shoulders and he thinks, maybe—and he's 31 and Shannon comes back and nothing else matters.

‎He's 32 and his life is in shambles and Buck saves his son from drowning, saves Eddie from himself, wanna go for the title, and Eddie wants, and maybe—but Chris is there. He's 32 and the well collapses on top of him and when he makes it out it's Buck who holds him up, and he goes to his attorney the very next day and shackles Buck to him legally, because if he can't have him physically that will have to do.

He's 33 and the world has descended into chaos and he sleeps on Buck's couch every day and he lies awake and listens to Buck's steady breathing, up on the loft, and he closes his eyes and he wonders, and he wants—but then he's 33 and Bobby tells him to take a chance on Ana and he does, because that's what a man does.

He's 33 and he's bleeding and Buck is covered in blood, might be hurt, and then the world fades to black and when he wakes up, Buck is with Taylor. He's 33 and he tells Buck he's not expendable, and Buck looks at him like maybe—he's 33 and nothing changes.

He's 34 and he can't love Ana the way he should. He's 34 and Buck tells him to break up with her, and Eddie does, and he wonders if that means, if—but then he's 34 and he's single and Buck isn't.

He's 34 and his life falls to pieces. He's 34 and he's moved on but he hasn't, the 118 has moved on but Buck hasn't. He's 34 and he hasn't saved anyone but Buck is there, hand warm on Eddie's shoulder, steady in the face of Eddie's grief. He's 34 and Buck breaks up with Taylor and everything could change and nothing does.

He's 35 and Buck is dead and Eddie feels his ribs crack under his palms. He's 35 and 3 minutes and 17 seconds are an eternity spent in hell. He's 35 and Natalia sees Buck. He's 35 and he might as well date. He's 35 and nothing will ever, ever change between them. ‎He's 35 and he wants Buck so bad he might die from it.

He's 36 and his son is gone and he hurt another woman and Buck is dating a man. He's 36 and Buck breaks up with Tommy. He's 36 and he grabs Buck by the shoulders and kisses him until neither of them can breathe.

He's 36, and everything changes.

He's 37, now, and he's standing in his kitchen (their kitchen), and in front of him, the dining table looks like something straight from a pinterest board. The tablecloth is a dark crimson red and he used his good plates and his good silverware. In the middle of the table, a cluster of white candles illuminates the space. Next to the candles, leaving just enough distance to avoid a housefire, there's a vase filled with a dozen red roses.

It looks good. Whether or not it's perfect remains to be seen—only Buck can be the judge of that.

As if on cue, the front door opens. Eddie turns and waits, and when Buck comes through the kitchen door, Eddie is treated to the wonderful sight of his boyfriend, for once stunned beyond words, frozen in candlelight. He was visiting Maddie, and it seems that Jee-Yun got to him—there are watercolor stains on his blue shirt—but he's still the most beautiful thing Eddie has ever seen.

"What..." He looks away from the table, finally, up at Eddie, eyes wide. "Did I forget our anniversary? No, that's—that's in two months."

He's right. They're not celebrating their anniversary, or a birthday, or any other holiday. Eddie did this because Buck deserves it. There's no other reason—there doesn't need to be.

Buck deserves this, because he's had Eddie's back for seven years. Buck deserves this, because he makes Chris smile and Eddie laugh and he's saved both of their lives, more than once, in more ways than Eddie can count. Buck deserves this because he wakes Eddie up with soft kisses to his shoulder and harder kisses to his jawline and because he holds Eddie tight when they lie awake with sweat cooling on their bodies, and tighter still when they fall asleep too late. Buck deserves this because he's kind and he's smart and he makes Eddie's life better just by being in it.

Buck tells Eddie that he loves him all the time, with words and with gestures. Eddie has a harder time with it, even though he loves Buck just the same. Tonight, he wanted to show him as much.

"You didn't forget anything," Eddie assures him, and pulls out one of the chairs so Buck can sit down.

Buck does. His eyes are bright. His cheeks are rosy. Maybe that's the candlelight. Or maybe this is a first for him too.

"Chris?" he asks, as Eddie moves to the stove to get their food.

"He's with Pepa," Eddie says. "They're catching up on Hotshots. We have the house to ourselves."

Buck meets his eyes. A smirk has made its way into his stunned expression, small but striking. "That so?"

Eddie returns it with a smile of his own and comes back with two plates.

"Full disclosure," he says, "this is Bobby's steak."

There is no room for mistakes tonight. Eddie has not mastered steak yet, so he enlisted outside help. Buck smiles at him like he doesn't care, though.

"And there's tiramisu," Eddie adds. He almost stumbles as he sits down, too distracted by that smile. "For later. I got that from Cap, too."

He half expects Buck to call him a cheater (gently, jokingly, in that warmly mocking way he has, the one that makes Eddie want to kiss him until the world ends), but Buck just stares at him. He's still blushing. His foot brushes Eddie's under the table, and his fingers find Eddie's wrist.

"All of this." He waves his free hand at the candles, the flowers, the food. "Why?"

Eddie laces their fingers together and holds Buck's blue-eyed gaze.

"Because I love you," he says. "Because you deserve it. Because—I wanted to make you feel how you make me feel."

"I must make you feel pretty damn good," Buck says quietly. His hand squeezes Eddie's.

"You do," Eddie says simply, because that's not a truth he's ever struggled with. "You really do. And I wanted to give you something—good."

"It's better than good," Buck says and smiles. "It's perfect."

Eddie is 37. It's a perfect night, and the love of his life smiles at him in a kitchen filled with candlelight. He can't wait to be 38, 40, 60, 100. He can't wait to grow old with this man.

#thank you so much for the prompt!!#this is not as romantic as i wanted it to be lol it kind of got away from me #might try again!#buddie #buddie 911 #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buck x eddie #buddie fic #buddie fics #mine #q

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cupidkenji · 7 months ago

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Virginia vampire - 1/2

Pairing: Aaron Hotch x vampire!fem!reader Cw: SLOWBURN BRO, descriptions of hunting/blood consumption, angst, fluff, non-descriptive mentions of an abusive dad, cursing, typical criminal minds violence, possible ED trigger (more in disclaimer), idk bro you tell me Summary: You escaped your scientist father when you were 17. When requested by Quantico PD to deal with a stemming serial killer, you realize you recognize the wounds. You used to be the one inflicting them. Disclaimer 1: Reader is chubby! She's not physically described here at all but a fat woman is always the MC. Disclaimer 2: Reader lives strictly on blood. This story discusses themes of intense bloodlust/hunger, UNINTENTIONAL avoidance of blood (food), and physical consequences due to not eating (more so in the next chapter). This is NOT pro-ana or anything like that, and while these themes are explicitly negative, they are still there and may affect those struggling. Please look after yourself, this is all fantasy and is not meant to trigger you. That's all <3 WC: 9.6k - read part 2 here Like I said, please head the disclaimer as I would hate for anyone to feel negatively about this. I personally have struggled with a restrictive ED and would not write/publish anything I felt would trigger/contribute to pro-ED rhetoric. I'm actually rlly proud of this one I think it's cool and neat and I'm excited to share. I also looped eat your young by Hozier while writing this so would recommend as ambiance. Enjoy <33

The Quantico streets seemed to get darker the more you came out. It was late - technically early, as midnight had passed two hours ago - but still a time of pungent heathenism. Nobody out at this hour had good intentions. You knew yours were certainly questionable, discreetly following a man decked in club attire as he stumbled his way down the street. This was the worst part - having to stalk behind them, giving you nothing but time to humanize them in your head. He was probably going home, back to safety. The process of hiding a body is one you could recite with your eyes closed. It’s bitter and metallic, but familiar, and you seemed to project that harbored guilt onto him. It wasn’t as though he’d never see that safety again, you didn’t kill people anymore. Your unusual diet required this type of robbery, but you’d busted your ass for almost three years to figure out the perfect amount. The amount that keeps you just on the cusp of living, closer to death than most but still able to function effectively. The number of times you felt a heart cease it’s beating against your lips because you went too far would strike envy in the evilest of individuals. The amount you took was pure necessity - a full syringe, never a drop more. It would last you about half the week when rationed out. It was livable, doable, only ever being a problem if you couldn’t get more the exact night you needed to.

You hated preying on drunks, the alcohol in their blood making it taste rancid, but this was the easiest target you could ask for. Beggars can’t be choosers. He took a moment to catch his breath after he nearly toppled over, and you saw your opportunity on a silver platter. Contrary to the movies, stealth was not an inherent trait you get when you live on blood, you’d gained yours from experience. You never liked being so good at this, but as you rendered the man unconscious and silenced his fall to the ground, you relished in the fact that you were. The days of amateur hunting were long over, and the cries of people as the blood rushed from their necks are ones that echo - ones that sit with you.

You dragged the man to the innards of the closest alley, propping him against the wall and rolling up his jacket sleeve. You took off the bag hanging from your shoulders, removing a syringe and a flashlight. Since you hunted at night, it was impossible to find a vein without lighting. It was something you realized quick when you made the switch from neck to wrist. You turned the thing on, clamping it between your teeth and angling it down at his arm. Growing up with the world’s cruelest biologist as a father, you were well versed in the world of human anatomy per his insistence. You watched the vial fill with liquid, cursing your entire situation for being so despicable. The only way to properly describe your father was Frankenstein, eagerly allowing his only child to grow into the role of his monster. He’d handcrafted your DNA in a petri dish, ensuring that malice was weaved throughout your most instinctual needs. He was a well off man, respectively referred to as the brightest mind in our current age. He’d gained fame after presenting his magnum opus - the invention of literal vampirism. Somehow, something only he knew how to do, he’d made a string of DNA that derived the body’s energy from the nutrients in blood. He started with insects, impregnating beetles with the specific code, making embryos that fed purely on blood of the same species, which manifested into a hostile blood lust once the thing was born. He’d reached rodents and promised he would be ending his tests there, not wanting to breach the topic of morality and push forward with mammals. Unfortunately, your father was as honest as he was kind, so here you were.

You finished the extraction and pulled the needle from the man’s flesh, apologizing profusely under your breath. You patched him up, a bandaid over the small hole, and hid him amongst some garbage bags. Nobody out at this hour had good intentions, and you weren’t about to offer them a possible victim for whatever desire they may be looking to express. You hated that you had to hurt him at all, no matter how minimally. The least you could do was shield him from the people who truly intended harm. You tossed the now full syringe back into your bag, the flashlight following a second later, and exited the alley. The only thing that kept your feet moving was the few days of peace you would get now that you had food. Your head pounded with the feeling of blood just sitting in your bag, the body full of blood laying defenseless just a few feet away. It was a battle you fought everyday, seeing those closest to you as two separate entities - one was a person you loved, one just a plethora of functioning veins and arteries. Their lifeforce was the closest thing to ambrosia you could imagine. It’d taken you years to get control, though, and you refused to undo that for a couple minutes of gratification. You couldn’t. Losing control would grant your father the victory he ached for, and you would die before letting that happen. You rushed to walk away, choosing to propel yourself with the image of his disappointed face rather than the breathing blood bag leaning on a dumpster. He’d killed your mother before you even got to know her, you refused to be the reason someone didn’t get to know their parent.

–

The BAU was an unwelcome sight when the time was five in the morning instead of your usual seven. You’d been ushered to the building by a sleep deprived JJ, spouting off different remarks of remorse for the early hour but needing the team there immediately. The whole table seemed to share in the disdain, as half of them could barely hold their eyes open and the other half were practically chugging shitty break-room coffee. Aaron was, surprisingly, the last to walk in. Greeting everyone with attempted normalcy while visibly fighting off his own exhaustion. His hair was messy, his torso lacking the coverage of his uniform baggy blazer. The sight of him slightly unkempt from the spontaneity of the gathering caused the air to flee from your lungs. You’d had a bit of a staring problem since you started working here, but his appearance now displayed a casualness that was making you dizzy. The deviation from his standard presentation felt strangely intimate, a more personal version of him. You looked away quickly, you had to. He took his spot next to you, having reserved that place for himself when you were first hired. He greeted you personally once he sat down, something for just the two of you. You had looked at him, about to reciprocate when JJ officially started the meeting.

“Good morning, everyone. I’m sorry for the early start but we’ve been urgently requested by our local PD. They think we’ve got the start of a serial killer, three bodies were found last night with the same MO.”

“Three bodies?” Morgan’s words were laced with bewilderment. “As in three people were actually killed or three bodies were dumped?” The table knew what he was getting at. Three murders in a single night was quite the task. Especially considering the police had to find the bodies, meaning no pedestrian had seen anything worth reporting.

“They’ve left the crime scenes untouched for us, but they’re betting all of them happened in the same time span.”

As if he could read your mind, Hotch asked the main question that’d been circling your mind. “How are they being killed?”

“That’s why we’ve been asked for.” JJ started distributing files containing the crime scene details. “All the victims so far have the same stab wound in their carotid. Nothing had been stolen, and they were all found in alleyways. For the amount of blood that comes with puncturing an artery, there wasn’t a drop found at the scene.”

“No signs of torture?” Morgan was looking at the photos as he asked, double checking the information he was reading in the file.

“All of them were basically untouched from the neck down. There weren’t even indications of defense.” JJ shook her head as she spoke. “This guy definitely gets the jump on them.”

“A blitz attacker.” Prentiss concluded, closing her file as she reached the end of it. “Any witnesses?”

“None.” The worst answer JJ could have. “Police found them while on patrol.”

“Alright.” Hotch stood from his seat. “Prentiss, Morgan, I want you at the first scene.” The agents nodded at the orders, exiting the room to complete the task. He looked towards Spencer, drawing his attention away from the file as he addressed him. “When Rossi gets here I want you guys at the second body.” The man just uttered a “got it” and looked back down, waiting on Rossi’s presence to start moving. Aaron’s eyes made their way to you. “I want you with me. We’re gonna go meet the officers at the latest discovery.” You couldn’t meet his eyes, feigning preoccupation with closing your folder and simply muttering a noise of agreement before standing.

“I told the press to keep it quiet. Last thing we need is word of a mini spree leaking to the public.” JJ informed the remaining people of this on her way out, peeking her head back through the door to say it before returning to her office. You watched Rossi finally show up and retrieve Reid from the conference room as you were leaving, heading to the car with Aaron close behind.

Once you were buckled into the passenger seat, you started talking. “Three bodies in under twelve hours. Haven’t heard those numbers since the Barly Butcher in ‘64.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t reach that.” His eyes, although you couldn’t see them, went slightly vacant at the thought. He couldn’t imagine dealing with that level of killer in the modern age - he certainly didn’t want to. “One was too many. God knows we don’t need a Quantico butcher.”

You couldn’t imagine either. “No kidding.” The drive wasn’t shaping up to be a long one, seven minutes went by and you were already approaching the flashing lights of cop cruisers. You got out of the car, the sheriff swiftly coming over to talk. She had thanked you for taking the case, grateful that her precinct wouldn’t be dealing with this one alone. There were CSI already there, but you slid gloves on your hand and headed towards the body regardless. They were respectful, allowing you control of the scene, walking away as you got closer to give you space.

You turned the woman’s neck slightly to get a better view of the injury, the image shaking the ground beneath your feet and causing the water in your tear ducts to form a haze over your eyes. There were teeth marks around the incision. Such a minor indent that it was no surprise it went over looked. You could see it because you’d once been the cause of such a thing. The closer you examined, the more parallels you drew to your beginner days. The skin around the wound was curling upwards, a sign of applied suction. No wonder they couldn’t find any blood, it’d been sucked out. You nearly fell off your feet from where you were crouching. The unsub clearly knew enough about the human body to inflict such a precise cut, pair that with the obvious motivation to feed and you got the bone-chilling realization currently seeping through you. He’d made another one. You had a sibling, and he was hungry.

–

When the regroup was called back at headquarters, you lead an uninformed and slightly confused Aaron to meet the rest of the team. He’d noticed your determination at the scene, questioning your findings and being eager to get back when you made him wait to hear about it. You wasted no time as you entered the room, pulling up the image on the big screen to properly show them your theory.

“The unsub is drinking their blood.” Looks of defeat and absurdity were present in all of their eyes, but you continued explaining, zooming in so close that the image went slightly blurry. “If you look close enough there are teeth prints around the wound, not bite marks, but the type of print you get from resting your teeth around the wound and applying pressure. The edges of the wound are curling in and up, so it can be assumed some type of suction followed the stabbing.” Most of the team was squinting at the screen, absorbing the details you pointed out and already trying to form a timeline, a motive - something. “That’s why they couldn’t find any blood. It was consumed.”

“So we’re dealing with a vampire?” Morgan sighed, his eyes detailing a reluctant belief. He couldn’t argue with your theory yet, it was the only logical thing they had. “Maybe we should visit your dad, Y/n.”

You scoffed at the quip, images of the man throughout your early life flashing through your head. “Funny.” You furrowed your brows at him. “You’d have to find him first.” You had slipped from his grasp when you were seventeen. The home you spent your childhood in was vacant a few years later, effectively severing all your remaining knowledge of his life. You’d never had any way to contact him, only the relics of his stories that refused to leave you. The only thing he ever spoke about was himself, and most of his tales were burned into your memory like a branding. If you were honest, you’re surprised he’d never physically branded you, he’d surely thought about it. The dread started to build in your gut. You handled most cases with a healthy distance, some could regard it as a coldness but you preferred the simplicity of your process. This, however, was impossible to deal with impersonally. This threw you headfirst into a situation you had never bothered to prep for. Not only would you be seeing how your team feels about what was essentially an early version of you, but you didn’t want to prosecute this unsub. His path was one you walked for years before acquiring the life you have now. You hadn’t been a villain, there was a high chance he wasn’t either. The bloodlust was controllable, he just needed someone to teach him. Pursuing him with the vigor of a typical unsub would wreck you. You felt protective, almost maternal. Your father had made another monster, but that didn’t have to mean they live a life of his design. You could get him out.

“Can I speak with you?” You hadn’t even noticed the analytical gaze Aaron held, too focused on your own internal spiraling. “Outside?” He motioned his head towards the hallway, instructing you to follow him.

You always felt like a kid in the principal’s office when he called you away from the team. “What’s up?” You hadn’t even waited for him to fully shut the door before you prompted the conversation. You were fully prepared to raise hell and high water to find your unsub, and you needed all the time you could get.

“Is something going on?” He always took extra time to check on your wellbeing. You figured at first it was pity, some type of undermining or an indication he thought you were less equipped for the job than others. He’d never hinted at any of those, always showing genuine concern for you, and eventually you stopped thinking he had ulterior motives. “You’ve been skittish and antsy since you saw the body. You’re speaking faster and can’t look me in the eyes. You’re nervous. Why?”

“Hotch.” You sighed his name, and he tilted his head, leaning in slightly as though pulled in by the sound. “I am nervous. There were three people murdered last night. If this guy is drinking the blood of his victims seconds after he kills, there’s no predicting how long the cool-down will be. He could strike again tonight or he could be gone for weeks. I don’t want more people losing their lives because we waited around too long. I need to figure this out.”

He could tell you were withholding something, you saw it in the way he looked at you. Thankfully, though, he allowed you to keep your secret. Breathing out a sigh of his own and just nodding. “You know where to find me if you want to talk.”

You held back the look of pure adoration you wanted to send his way, settling for the appropriate neutrality. “I know.”

You both rejoined the team shortly after, ignoring the curious looks of your coworkers and instead inserting yourself into the conversation. Reid went over the typical blood fetishists, along with the multiple philias and phobias associated with blood consumption. All of them falling flat in one way or another. You suggested swabbing the victim’s neck for traces of saliva, Prentiss calling to request the task be performed the second you’d said it. With hours going by and the promise of lab results by tomorrow, you all said your goodbyes. You said a silent prayer under your breath for a body-less night and drove home with a plan. If he was like you, he’d be out again tonight, and you had every intention of finding him.

–

This was the first time in your life you’d ever felt thankful for your knowledge of nightlife. Patrol was amping up, tonight it was one too many cop cars on the street. Tomorrow it could be officers searching the area on foot. With no way to predict the criminal, there was also no way to predict the response, and that was scary as hell. Any attempts they were making to stop him from feeding would affect you just as bad. There hadn’t been a single event since you started hunting more ethically that you’d had to break routine. You wanted to help him, but you also needed to stop him from fucking up your regimen. You were wandering, aimless and anxious. You tried connecting to whatever energetic wavelength you might have with him considering your partial relation, getting nothing but a firm reminder of why that stuff wasn’t considered fact. You ducked away from the second police cruiser of the night, just barely evading the lights before their illumination painted your face red and blue. The alley was a welcoming partner, allowing her shadows to drape over you and create a solitude unique to that darkness. You’d heard the noises a second later - panting, consistent and ragged, followed by a period of silence before resuming. You clicked on your flashlight, shining it maybe ten feet ahead of you and feeling like someone threw sand in your eyes. He was here, dressed in jeans and a black zip-up, hood over the back of his head. You wouldn’t have been able to see him even if his hood was down - he was crouched over a woman, shoulders hunched and mouth greedily stealing what little life she had left to give. He was so small, you physically felt your lips curl in sorrow when you realized he couldn’t be more than fifteen. The woman’s fingers were still flexed, and you assumed she’d died less than a minute ago by her arm placement. They were crooked at the elbow but weirdly resting on the assailant, as though she’d been gripping his shoulders before her strength blew out with the wind.

You waited, just a moment, stilling to see what move - if any - he would make. He was completely entrenched in his task, but you were surprised your light hadn’t set him off yet. It was only when the river ran dry that he seemed to notice your voyeurism. His head snapped in your direction so fast that you jumped on your feet a little. You thought back to how volatile you’d been in his shoes, deciding the best way to approach him would be that of a rabid animal. You inched closer, seeing him mirror you with a slight back-step.

“Hey.” You talked quietly, breathily, trying to subdue any dominant undertones you could be carrying. “I need you to listen to me, ok?” You crouched, hoping to put the two of you on the same level. “I know you’re not trying to hurt anyone. You’re hungry, yeah? You’re hungry and I know it fucking hurts. Worse than you ever imagined it could.” You thought back to the days of captivity. Your father made you the absolute pinnacle of gluttony, feeding you even when you finally didn’t want it, engorging you with the only thing you could sustain yourself with. Going from a state of constant overflow to barely a drip-feed was agony, causing fits of hunger so extreme that it was a miracle he hadn’t hit double digits by now. “I can help you, alright? I’ve been there. It doesn’t have to be this way - I promise it’s manageable.” You really should have planned some sort of script for this, you were winging it and from the accusatory look he was wearing, you didn’t think it was working.

You asked if he knew your father, hoping to establish some reputability in his mind and prove you knew what you were talking about. The name, though, seemed to hit him like a bullet. He took off running and blew past you so fast it knocked you over. You jumped up as quick as you’d been put down and set off after him. The kid was fast, and you knew it wouldn’t be long before you lost him. He had the advantage of being half your height in a city full of narrow shortcuts. You pleaded with him in between breaths to just listen to you, promised you didn’t want to hurt him, all of it was futile. He ducked into a subway and slipped from your grasp before you even knew you had him. Your eyes teared up from frustration, so close to being the saving grace you were desperate to be but just managing to graze it before it leaped away from you. You felt the toll of such a run immediately sodden your legs and weaken your lungs. You didn’t have nearly enough fuel in the tank to give chase, but what were you supposed to do? You’d seen him, almost had him before the acidity of your fathers name melted all the progress you were making. Fitting, you thought. You slipped your phone out of your pocket, you were still an agent who had just found a body. Another victim in a string of serial killings; if you didn’t report it and were traced at all back to the scene you could be fired - or arrested. Hotch’s contact burned a hole straight through your pupils. How the fuck were you gonna explain this? You just happened to be on a classic midnight walk alone as a woman in the city currently housing a vampiric serial killer. You could almost hear the crease of his eyebrows as you told him where you were, requesting the team be awoken and the local PD be sent to you. You’re sure he could hear the ball in your throat as your vision got watery again. He promised he’d be there soon, telling you to hang tight. He was comforting, but there was a determination in his voice that told you he wasn’t letting it go this time. You didn’t know how to prepare for whatever that meant, but you knew some worms would be leaving the can.

Ten minutes later and you heard the familiar shout of your last name. “What the hell happened?” Morgan seemed worried you’d been attacked, scanning over you to check for any signs of injury. He wouldn’t find anything but your rapidly rising chest.

You watched the EMTs wheel away the woman in a body bag, locking your gaze on Derek when you started to feel nauseous. “I’m fine.” You crossed your arms, rationalizing that maybe a physical security would grant you the strength needed to conceal this mess. “I live right up the road. I go out walking sometimes when I can’t sleep. I just saw the body in the alley, guy was gone by the time I found her.”

He seemed relieved at your avoidance but also completely floored by the stupidity of walking so late. “Stop walking alone at night.” He was clearly protective. “That's why some of these cases are even possible.” He looked at you, taking your story as truth without a second thought and letting a sense of mourning flood his irises. “I don’t know how I’d cope with having to put you in one of those bags.” How charming. “You get me?”

You looked at him, putting on a face of regretful understanding and simply uttered back a quiet “I got you.” to hopefully dodge all the attention he was giving you.

He chuckled, looking behind you and gaining a sort of cringe in his smile. “Good luck with that.” He nodded towards whatever was approaching and joined the congregation of other agents and officers, essentially isolating you with the thing you’d been dreading most. Aaron Hotch.

“Aaron-” You turned around to face him but stopped talking when you saw the look he cast at you. Something so curious and pleading for the knowledge you withheld, he seemed to manually dim it with the aspect of his authority. He was your supervisor, but he cared for you as something deeper than that.

“We’re heading back to the BAU. I want you in my office when we get there. We need to talk about this.” He waited a second, letting the unusual professionalism sink into you before seeking confirmation. “Am I clear?” He was gentle in delivery, but the fear you’d betrayed him weighed heavy on you.

“Yes, sir.” You nodded, looking at him. He wasn’t mad, and you didn’t regret the decisions that got you here. Your mind was simply racing with any plausible lie you could tell him to escape this situation unscathed. He knew you better than you were even aware of, you didn’t know if you could get away with lying at all, let alone lying in excess. You just prayed he was feeling particularly forgiving, along with hoping he was especially tired due to the hour. If you lucked out, you might only have to relinquish your integrity instead of the truth.

–

The sound of his door closing felt like the final sign of your demise. He hadn’t slammed it, he’d shut it gently and moved to sit opposite you in his office chair. You couldn’t remember a time he’d been genuinely angry with you. Right now he simply reeked of desperation, of empathy, and it was that notion that kept your eyes from meeting his.

“What’s going on, Y/n?” He was so soft, the tone of his voice combing through your ears like hypnotism. You were so fucking guilty.

You stared at his name card and wondered immaturely how it would feel to share a surname with the man. “I told you what happened.”

He leaned forward, propping his elbows on the desk. “You told them what happened.” You begged him internally to just leave it alone. “Now I’m asking you to talk to me. You can’t even look at me. You seem to think that because you can conceal the standard signs of lying that nobody can tell. You slip past their radar because they don’t know your tells, Y/n.” Your heart sped up, he’d probably known you were keeping something from him before you’d even made the choice to. “The top of your middle finger covers your index when you’re lying or when you’re not telling me something, you know that? Every single time. You haven’t held a conversation in the past week without doing it.” He clasped his hands on the table, readjusting to really focus on you. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Something about him always had a way of wearing you down. You’d been smothering the feelings you held for him for years, so when he showed such devotion to you, he could wring you out like a sponge with just a sentence. You visibly deflated, shoulder slumping forward. “I saw him.”

He straightened, assessing how to tackle a statement like that. “You saw the unsub?” You just nodded. “Do you know how important that information is?” He seemed bewildered, even a little angry at the fact you didn’t tell them. “You know better than most how significant every sighting is. Why would you ever keep something like that from us?” He was speaking slightly faster, confused frustration filling his words as he continued. “It’s a miracle you weren’t hurt, Y/n. This was extremely reckless, I don’t understand how you could-”

“Hotch.” You’d never had to speak over him before. “He’s my family.” The words were coated in bile as they left you - this was a steep slope. You hadn’t anticipated sharing even that piece of information, your family history was far too close to your less than common genetic misfortune to ever be talked about.

“...What?”

Your eyes teared up. You were going to tell him, and you were also going to cry. “I have to tell you something.” You felt the quiver of your lips, heard the shake of your voice as it circled the air. What the fuck were you thinking?

“My father - um…lied to the public about his testing. He promised everyone that he would stop at mice, but he didn't plan on actually doing that.” You shook your head in tune with your words, speaking slowly as you thought of how to drop this bomb and cause the least amount of damage. “He kidnapped a woman, my mother. At that point he’d figured out a way to implement the DNA strand he was using on rodents into human sperm, and he managed to get her pregnant with it.”

His face went slack, an emotion reaching far beyond shock, beyond disbelief. “You mean…?”

“It’s not vampirism in the cinematic sense, Aaron. We don’t burn in the sun or have heightened senses or speed. It’s just a cruel mutation. Human blood is the only substance our body can process.”

“You - you keep saying ‘we’.” He was frantic, you didn’t blame him. “Are there more?”

“Just the unsub.” The look in your eyes was begging for acceptance, for empathy and tenderness. You hadn’t even expected him to believe you, but now you feared the possibility of him running for the hills and spilling your secret to anyone he came across. “He’s the only one I know of. I didn’t expect my father to do it again.”

“Jesus Christ.” You concealed a laugh at how expressive the confession was making him. You knew it was the worst possible time, but you’d never seen him so human. “Is this - I mean how do you live, Y/n? Are you killing people?” You understood the accusation, but that didn’t dilute the sting of it as it hit your ears.

“No, Aaron. God, no.” You rushed out a denial before he could think too hard on it. “It took me years to figure out the bare minimum I could live on, ok? It’s two full syringes a week, nobody ever dies. Ever.” He seemed out of it, you didn’t know how to gauge whether this was a good or bad reaction. You’d never told anybody. How did you even proceed in a situation like this? “Look, I know, ok? This is fucking crazy, but you can’t tell the team.” He widened his eyes at you slightly like the thought of not telling them was wilder than anything you just told him.

“You can’t seriously expect-”

“Aaron.” You were on the brink of losing your breath. “I’m not a threat. I’ve worked here for years. I’ve lived with this my entire life and I have control. We need to focus on finding the boy and that won’t happen if they know.”

“Boy?” He furrowed his eyebrows deeper than you’ve ever seen. “He’s- It’s a kid?”

You thought back to the encounter. You could cup him in your palms. “He has to be. He’s tiny, fourteen or fifteen I’d say.” You nearly broke as you thought of the child he’d never get to be.

“There’s no protocol for this, Y/n.” This was one of the first times you’d seen him speak with his hands. “I don’t even know how to approach it anymore. It’s hard enough dealing with a child unsub when they’re human. How do you suggest we deal with a vampire?”

“Hotch.” Your eyes held disappointment. He was coping with the situation, and you knew that, but his words still didn’t sit right with you. “He is human. A very scared and lost human boy. My dad overfed me as a kid, wanting to disable the signal that tells you when it’s enough. It’s why he’s killing so many, he must have recently broken out. You get…I don’t know, insatiable. You start and don’t know when to stop, it's just blind instinct. He doesn’t want to be hurting people.”

“You speak from experience.” You didn’t want to tell him he was missing the point, but there certainly wasn’t a mutual focus between the two of you.

“Nobody’s perfect, Aaron.” You spoke with tears lining your eyes, your past was the most shameful thing you carried with you. “I need to find him. I can help him.”

He sighed, baffled and exhausted at the entire situation. He nodded soon after. “I won’t tell them.” You felt the increase in oxygen as you practically gasped in relief.

You stood up, stopping with your hand on the doorknob. Were you running? Yes, most definitely. But he wasn’t speaking and you couldn’t imagine he wanted to stay in your company. “I promise I’m not a monster.” You didn’t quite know if you were trying to convince him of this, or if you were hoping to affirm what he was already thinking, but it was the only thing you could think to say.

He just stared at you, eyes vacant but clearly attempting to imitate the warmth that would normally reside there. “Goodnight, Y/n.” It was such a familiar phrase that it nearly made you puke from the comfort flooding your body. You scoffed at the casual nature of the remark in the face of such an unusual time, but were still unfathomably thankful for it.

“Goodnight, Aaron.”

–

Three days later, and you were really feeling the distance. He stopped the routine of checking in - he stopped speaking almost entirely. He spoke of you, giving you orders or assigning your assistance to others but never talking directly to you. He used to pull you aside sometimes just to ask about your day, now he wouldn’t even look at you. The bodies had only been piling, patrol increasing night by night all hell bent on catching the so-called ‘virginia vampire.’ The absolute last thing you needed was a media wave of infamy to drown the boy, but there was no stopping the press once they were off and running. You doubted it made a difference, internet access was fully forbidden within the iron fist that was life with your father. You were hopeful some type of DNA could be pulled from the bodies, as the clean up was nonexistent and some of the necks had still been wet upon police arrival, but you got nothing. Or rather, nothing within the system. Garcia had compared the results of the sample to every database in the country - sometimes branching beyond that - but nothing proved useful. It was foolish to be disappointed, obviously your father wouldn’t have registered the baby of his hostage with the required legal standards. You hadn’t even known what you wanted to find, but the presence of absolutely nothing was crushing.

With the new surveillance demands your local PD wanted to meet, the BAU ended up pitching in to night monitor with them. It wasn’t difficult by any means - just tedious. You sat in turned off cop cars for most hours of the night while trying to ignore the persistent burn of hunger that was lighting up your stomach. You knew it’d been too long since you went out, but you were out of luck. People weren’t on the street hardly at all, and even if there was a small population to prey on, the cops breathing down your neck made it nearly impossible. You’d been paired up with Morgan for the last two nights you’d done this, time moving faster with him there to entertain you. Needless to say, sitting in the dead silence of the Quantico pm with Hotch was not what you were anticipating when you came for your shift tonight. You were only two feet away from him, but you could almost gaze into the sinkhole that sat between you two. Cold and dark, brutally reminding you that you’d volunteered for this abyss when you spilled your guts. You stopped yourself from shifting in your seat as another contraction of hunger pulled at your abdominal muscles. You knew that if someone were looking, they’d be able to notice the decline in your recent performance. You were slower, more zoned out, antsy, irritable. You were good at suppressing those things, confident in your ability to conceal them, but you had a feeling the man beside you could tell. He’d been looking at you all night, analytical and lukewarm, letting the start of a conversation sit just on the tip of his tongue. The silence, though, was taking it’s toll on you. It seemed to morph into a ringing that bounced between your ears like it was determined to slip into your skull and bury itself there. You realized you would take the most awkward conversation over a night of partnered solitude.

You wrestled with what to say, deciding to stick with your streak of brutal honesty. “Will you ever wanna talk to me again?”

He sniffed, continuing to stare forward like he was expecting the question. “I don’t know what you want from me, Y/n.” You didn’t know either.

You took a moment to mentally gawk at his words, tripping over them in your attempt to process the answer and decide how to respond appropriately. “Anger?” You felt yourself ramp up slightly, your hands moving as you spoke. “Resentment? Sadness? I mean… you’ve just been cold and I can’t work with that, Aaron.” You looked at him, mouth slightly open as you laid your helplessness out for him to see. “I need something.”

“I just-” He shrugged, shaking his head while figuring out the words he needed to say. “You can’t expect me to adjust to that information in three days. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around you.” It was deeper than that. You both held a sort of mutual understanding that these lumps weren’t as surface level as confusion. The woman he’d been infatuated with for years had confessed she lived on the blood of her fellow man, how the hell do you act after learning that?

You tried your hardest to be empathetic towards his situation. You’d lived with this arrangement your entire life, so it was hard to put yourself in the shoes of shattered expectation, but you tried. It hurt to hear him refer to you like you were a different entity all of a sudden - but to him, you were. “So ask me. Ask me any question you can think of. If you want to know something, I’ll tell you. I just can’t stand the silence, Aaron.” You put your hand to your forehead as you relaxed into your seat. “I miss you. I’m the same person I was a week ago.”

You heard him sigh and shift to be leaning forward slightly. “Do you have a…” He trailed off for a second, searching for the way to put it that would ensure you understood his question. “You know, a bloodlust? Do you feel what the kid is feeling?”

The air solidified in your lungs. Yes, you absolutely fucking did. However, you weren’t going to sit there and profess your never ending homicidal urges to a man who was already struggling to accept your bare minimum. You weren’t going to scare the man you cared for more than you already had. “Um…you could call it that, I guess. I do know what he’s feeling right now, but I don’t live in his mindset anymore. It gets less the more you live with it.” You weren’t lying, per say. It truly did get easier to manage, you were simply omitting the follow up of still being a bottomless pit for the substance. Just because you weren’t enslaved to it anymore didn’t mean the constant possibility wasn’t a part of your very being.

He looked over at you, and in the dim glow of the street light his eyes seemed fuller, pupils rivaling puddles of tar. “What does it feel like?”

Your lips parted to let out your breath as it elevated slightly. The car seemed to humidify in the moments between his last question and now. Was he actually asking that? “It feels like…this-” Jesus Chist how did you even put words to it? “this constant…pulsing…in your gums.” You thought back to the haze it used to cast over your mind. You could barely think clearly when you first got out, focused on stealing the life force from beneath the skin of others. “Your whole body just fucking aches for it.” The eye contact between you and him was searing past your eyes and sinking into your soul itself. It was different than any way you’d looked at him before, so full of remorse and pure want that you’re surprised he didn’t laugh at your patheticism.

You caught quick movement draped in a shadow from your peripheral and were knocked back into your actual purpose. You and him both exited the car, creeping up to the spot previously occupied by the figure. You didn’t see him, simply felt the force of him pelt past you and crash into your shoulder. You, to your surprise, held your footing and were running after him a second later. Hotch was just behind you, both of you sprinting desperately to catch the boy. But, just like the last time you’d walked this path, the nimbleness of his smaller frame won almost effortlessly against the two of you, and you lost him. This time, you’d lost yourself right after. You felt the nonexistent padding of concrete on the sidewalk bruise your body before you even registered you’d fallen over. The world wasn’t fading, you were very awake and very aware of the pain spreading to your entire right side. You determined - rather quickly - that your legs had just given out from lack of proper energy. The embarrassment of doing this in front of Hotch severely trumped the pain of hitting the ground.

“Jesus.” You heard the concerned mumble come from him as he crouched down to your level. “Are you ok?”

You said you were fine, but oxygen seemed to adopt the weight of a semi-truck and it got harder to accept the necessity into your body. You simply told him to stand up, following his lead and rising from your position with difficulty you hadn’t faced before. Your legs failed you for the second time, though, and you fell back onto your knees with a small sob of exertion being expelled from your chest. He crouched back down, stabilizing himself on his knees and letting you lean against him when you couldn’t hold yourself up.

“Y/n.” The shame of your current situation kept your eyes from his, only looking at him when he forced you to. “When was the last time you ate?”

You just shook your head, weakly trying to free yourself from his hands but failing. “Patrol’s been so high I just couldn’t - “ You sniffed slightly, gasping lightly as breathing became harder to do than the chase you just gave. “I couldn’t get out.”

He muttered ‘ok’ under his breath a few times, seemingly coming to terms with something, looking around in all directions before rolling up his shirt sleeve. The implication of the action registered instantly and you began squirming away from him. Mumbling words of disagreement that you knew he could hear.

“I can’t, Aaron. I can’t drink straight from the source - I can’t stop.” You felt your lips tremble as you recalled the feeling of impending doom clashing messily against the rush of excitement that coursed through you at the possibility. You hadn’t known that specific cocktail in years, you thought you’d go the rest of your life without feeling it again. “I can’t - please.”

“Well -” He started, pulling up his pant leg in search of the small switchblade he started carrying after being disarmed one too many times. “If we don’t do this, you’ll lose consciousness. That means they’ll take you to the hospital on an IV and you’ll have to explain why none of the nutrients are helping you.” You were so fucked. He was right, a rock and a hard place didn’t even break the surface of your situation. This was hell.

Your vision went blurry as the water in them doubled in quantity. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t.” Bastard.

“Aaron-”

“You’re practically catatonic, Y/n.” He let energy surge through the response, saying it more as an exclamation than a statement. “I’m not watching you die and I’m not letting you out yourself to some random workers because you’re scared. You need blood.” He positioned the knife away from any major arteries and dug deep, exhaling slightly at the sting. Softening his voice, he looked to you again, and moved his wounded wrist slightly closer to you.“Just let me help you.” You watched it run off his wrist and swore you felt the impact of the drops as they fell like a phantom pressure lighting up your skin. He was breathing heavy, you didn’t know if you were breathing at all; only being able to gauge the depth of your existence by how badly you needed what he was offering. You hadn’t felt yourself accept the invitation, only tasted the poison of it all once it bypassed your lips. You wondered if this was how Eve had felt when she succumbed to the serpent. If so, you didn’t blame her. You would have condemned all of humanity for this feeling too. It hadn’t ever felt this personal, this euphoric. You fed on strangers, never on someone who held as much importance as him. This trampled the idea of simply knowing him, this was a bond you could never backstep. It was done, and it was terrifying. The warmth he always seemed to emanate infested in you from the inside-out, beaming through your entire body and fending off any destruction being done by the famished vines winding around you. He held you against him as it happened, safe and welcoming, and it made a heat line your stomach with such intensity that it teased the idea of burning right through you.

He wallowed in the feeling for a few minutes, only stopping the exchange when he felt his head become too heavy for his neck to hold. “Enough, enough.” His way of tapping out, the words making you detach immediately with a slight gasp that prompted your panting breath. You realized he was panting too, eyes slightly wide and skull resting uncomfortably against the brick wall that sat behind him as he recovered. You assumed your face was painted with the horror that was flooding your system, but he couldn’t see the extent of the expression in the darkness surrounding you. “Does it always-” He was cut off by the approaching vehicles of your team and other officers. It was time for a shift change, and you felt a small sob intertwine with your exhaling breath and extend to the air around you. With your newly acquired strength, you got up and limped to the closest cop car. You forced away the urge to cry as you asked the officer to take you home, claiming an urgent need to check on your pets. Just add lying to an officer to your list of sins committed in the last 24 hours. You watched your team congregate around the still bleeding Hotch and bit your tongue. His actions had been so instinctual, so automatic in the way he rose to the occasion. He’d given you something nobody ever had, and you weren’t sure you would ever be looking at him again.

–

In the week that had dragged by since then, bodies were being found significantly less than they were. You’d successfully halted all interaction between your boss and you - which is much easier said than done - and had essentially treated him as though he didn’t exist. It hurt him - visibly - and you despised being the one to instill such a wounded haze to his eyes, but you couldn’t help it. No amount of oral hygiene procedures could singe the taste of him off your tongue. If you let the thoughts linger in your mind too long, you could almost feel the flow of his blood cascading down your throat. It threw you so effortlessly back to your freshly escaped fledgling days that it fucking horrified you how badly you wanted it. You really should have assumed that consuming the blood of someone you treasured would dramatically increase the craving. You weren’t prepared, not even slightly, and that would certainly manifest into some less than work appropriate advances should you acknowledge your boss again.

The lack of frequent bodies unfortunately didn’t reduce the amount of cops on the street, but you’d managed to slip back into your routine. It was about ten times harder than it used to be to both evade officers and find people outside but you were fed, and that was all you chose to focus on. You had left tonight’s guy under a park platform a couple blocks over, having to resort to unconventional means when hiding them post-theft. You hadn’t stopped your search for the boy, having been out every night since it started. Sometimes on the clock, sometimes off - always trying to think outside of the box. Clearly, that all proved futile, as there was a boy sitting on your front steps practically consumed by the surrounding shadows when you arrived home. You simply continued your trek, stopping maybe five feet away and giving him the space to control the situation. He looked up at you, pulling down his hood and standing to his full height. He was practically gleaming in the dim porch light, his skin seemed to reflect the moon in a way only rivaled by the finest china.

“What did you mean?” He was as timid as a mouse, looking at the ground as he spoke. “You saw me that night in the alley and you said you knew what was happening. What did you mean?”

You couldn’t say you were surprised your father didn’t inform him of your existence. Knowing the man, he would most likely deny your relation if questioned directly. “I’m like you, buddy.” You slowly let the bag on your back swing forward to a place of accessibility, grabbing the vial of the inky substance and flashing it slightly before returning it to your bag. “I’d offer you some, but I can’t imagine you’re needing it.” You swung it back to rest behind you again, settling the straps comfortably on your shoulders.

He furrowed his eyebrows, confused but apprehensive, as though the motion might upset you. “You live on that?”

You chuckled at his innocence, barely being able to comprehend the pure dichotomy you were talking to. You understood it fully, but such a sweet boy holding such intense homicidal capabilities was an absurd notion. “Took me a while.” You nodded as you confirmed his question. “But yeah, about two of these a week.”

Disbelief quickly befriended the features on his face. “You aren’t…hungry?”

You looked at the boy with undiluted sympathy, you knew the feeling he hinted at well. If you were him right now, you’d have probably lashed out in a jealous rage at such an ability to control consumption. You hadn’t believed it was a livable amount until you’d contained yourself within it’s limits. “A little, I won’t lie to you. But it’s well worth it to avoid killing someone. You get used to it after a while.” He simply looked down, and you realized you might have made him slightly guilty with your wording. In an eager attempt to pivot the conversation, you told him your name, hoping to get a proper introduction from him.

“I’m Daniel.” You crouched down after he said that, wanting to open him up a little more by shrinking below his height. “You know my dad?”

You smiled at the ignorance, it wasn’t often somebody didn’t know exactly who resided on your family tree. “I do. He’s actually my dad too.” You preyed with everything in you that you were coming off as comforting, docile. You wanted him to trust you. “How old are you, Daniel?”

“Twelve.” Jesus Christ.

You tried not to let the shock ricochet along your face. You wouldn’t earn his alliance by being wobbly, you needed to be a dependent structure for him to lean on. “You’ve got me beat, kid.” He tilted his head, the meaning of your statement lost on him. “I was seventeen when I got away. Quite an impressive thing for someone your age.” Praise, you hoped, would solidify you as a place he could receive affection. He definitely wasn’t getting it from your father.

His eyes went wide, lips parted as you saw his head lean forward in response. “You escaped?” His breathing sped up, microscopic, something you wouldn’t have noticed had you worked in a different profession. “How?”

You felt the bottom of your stomach rip and release every ounce of hope you ever carried. Something wasn’t right. “How?” You questioned him rhetorically, mentally pleading that he wasn’t about to confirm your suspicion. “Are you still with him?”

He nodded his head with such casualty it broke your heart. You knew it was all he’d ever known, but seeing him have such peace with his predicament was a sight made of pure devastation. “Yeah.” He sighed out the response. “He says there’s no use in running away. That if I decide to just stay out one night, he knows how to find me.” You notice his averted eyes, a sudden embarrassment becoming evident in his stance. “I’ve…kinda been too scared to see if that’s true or not.”

“Why don’t you come in?” It took all the effort you had to suppress the desperation begging to penetrate the look you were giving him. “I can protect you, Daniel. He’s not as tough as he pretends to be.” In all honesty, you didn’t know if that was true. He’d never sent you out on hunts when you were younger. He gave you any indulgence you wanted, absolutely trampling your hunger cues and making you a nightmare on anyone with a pulse once you finally broke out. You figured it was a fail safe for if you were ever on your own. He couldn’t have you, but you would start piling bodies and would eventually be put down when they traced it back to you. You didn’t understand his game plan here. Why did he suddenly want a high body count? Had he been starving Daniel out just to set him loose like some feral bull?

He frantically shook his head, stepping away from you slightly and waving you off. “No, I need to go back.” He started tearing up, remembering the true reason he’d stepped foot on your lawn at all. “I need you to help me, Y/n.” He swiped at his nose as he bit back the tears. “You have to get rid of him.”

You felt your own eyes go watery at the ask. “I’m gonna get you out of there.”

He chuckled, light and short, puzzling you for a moment at what he could be finding humor in. “It’s not even about me.” He looked down. “I just wanna stop hurting people.”

You covered the tremble in your lips in a pathetic attempt to mask the sadness that poured from you at his declaration. “I’m so sorry.”

He returned his head to the safety of his hood, refusing your apology with a shake of it. “It was nice meeting you.”

You stared at him, every instinct you had sparking with the urge to shield him. Absorb him into the atoms that made you up and let live through your screen of security. But you couldn’t, so you just sniffed, reigning in any emotion that slipped from your grasp during the conversation and sealing it back inside. “I’ll see you soon.” And then he was walking away, turning slightly to offer a wave before resuming his role as part of the abyss around you. Only one thought remained in your head - You were gonna kill your dad.

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