#hhh I'm so tired
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Me, waking up at 2 pm after falling asleep at 8 am after having a breakdown and searching for my blades (I didn't find them), half delirious from sleep deprivation and dehydration
My mom, coming in to yell at me all pissed off because this is apparently the second time she's had to tell me to get out of bed and that I need to go inside the grocery store for her
#venting#tw self harm mention#wth#ah yes#my insomniac child must be lazy for waking up at 2 pm#because surely everyone goes to bed before 3 am :)#time to go yell at them :)#hhh I'm so tired#and irritable#i love when I'm apparently the only goddamned person in this household who can't have issues#I mean I get it#my mom has bipolar#my sibling is having a depressive episode#my dad works 24/7#so surely there must be one mentally stable person here#and it must be the one who we know has committed suicide before#and then there whole goddamn 'trust' deal#'we can't trust you until you trust us :('#well you've betrayed my wishes and boundaries much more recently than I've lied about eating your sandwhich#the only thing I'm lying to you about now is my mental state#agh#its a self fulfilling prophecy#I am the only one at fault here#if I just fucking communicated and told them what was wrong I wouldn't be in this situation#of course I should trust them#theyre my parents#they know what's best#....
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realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards
*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is a clone#like i dont even need to traumatize you worse the pure explorative options from this aLONE is enough to feed me for a week.#like. tucks hair behind ear let me shatter you into glass pieces then glue you back together babe. i can put you back together so good.#i'm missing a few shards because some parts of you broke into such small pieces i couldn't pick them back up again so you'll be missing a#few chunks of yourself that you'll never get back but that's okay. you'll still be a resemblance of your old self :]#don't let anakin (me) listen to late night sad songs he makes angst.#hhh imagine being stuck in a house for two weeks where you can hear your parents torturing ghosts in the basement and not only that but#you're the only person who can undERSTAND the ghosts. how many times did he see his parents drag in a ghost with whatever capturing device#they made recently? iirc the thermos was like. brand new in episode one right? but gOD the trauma this alone would cause#nobody touch me im cooking rn i need to think about how this would impact danny. like obvs it would fuel into a developing obsession to#keep his parents away from ghosts and to help the dead but what *else.* i need to refine my becoming phantom ficlet i wrote back in winter#raaa#and like even after two weeks they were *still capturing ghosts* danny just wasn't in the house 24/7 at the time.#*but those two fucking weeks man*#i need to sleep on this first before i make any major moves bc i know im tired but i am having thOUGHTs
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have you seen him yet today? now, you have.
#didn't mean to pick ones with a matching color palette it was just divine akivention#I need to view many pictures of him#aki.... hhh...... hhhrg#I'm so bored and tired at work I'm just scrolling through aki pics to keep myself from falling asleep#look at that silly guy right there#I like the way he bites the dumpling#aki <3
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#whew. this sucks#i.... hhh#well. im... sad.#and scared. and painful. and lonely.#just really running the whole gambit of shit right now.#and fuck I'm just so tired.#so so so so so tired.#everything keeps happening. Just. Over and over and over and over#i cannot get a break#i don't feel like I've truly rested in months#im out of my program now. and....#......i dunno. maybe my memory just fucking sucks. but i feel like im worse#i feel like i didn't even go.#three weeks of memory. down the drain.#like it didn't exist.#i cried a lot. I know that. Breakdowns constantly.#it's all gone though. I don't remember it#........gods you have no clue how.....petrifying that is.#........am i even alive?#Did i kill myself weeks ago and i just don't know it yet?#i feel so alone#im so tired.#....I'm so tired......#.............please let me rest...... im so so tired........#........when can i stop...?
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If you have a moment today, please pray for my mother. Thank you
#I'm so tired guys#I miss my mom#she's alive but I rarely see her happy#to say nothing of her feeling well#Just. hhh#prayer requests
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Having adhd sucks so bad, I can't even clean my room. I can't even write an email. I can't even shower regularly, I feel like I want to do everything at once and then I end up doing nothing and it's so frustrating!!
#and then i start feeling so guilty for not writing that email#and anxious because i don't know if it has some type of unwritten deadline (cause it's kind of a response to an email i got)#and that unwritten email has been occupying my brain for a week and i know i will feel better when i do finally write it but i just can't#i can't#i'm so tired and i feel so overworked and i'm not even doing anything!!!#all i do is a mini job two to three times a week and that's it and somehow i still can't fins the time to wtite that damn email#and i want to write it too it's a good email but i just#i just Don't Do It#and i hate it i hate it#i could cry no joke#hhh#tomorrow is a new day#so i shoud probably go to bed#lea's random thoughts#adhd
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as i said b4, cant wait til I'm 30 to experience my own yuri cherry maho. its gonna be great
#ive been trying in the past 8 months or so to give dating a go and I've concluded that 1. the apps arent for me also i cant rlly trust an#dating app profile to actually pick a good partner. 2. i hate texting. i prefer in person unplanned low intensity meeting much more.#and 3. I'm not ready for it yet. i want to spend these next 2 years being selfish. i feel like I've never actually been able to be purposely#self centered and frankly a bit selfish. I've never done that. ive always been compromising for false narratives and expectations in ny head#and I'm tired. i dont think i can be a good partner rn until ive had my fill of self centered ness b4 i can progress to a healthy medium.#I'm open and of the right person comes along i trust myself to not drive them away out of habit and hyper independence#but fuck yk. as mich as i want it. its nit for me. tho tbh i do think i should kiss random ppl in bars just once this year bc like.#i havent done that in .. oh god 6 years. mitski was right. one good movie kiss yk#but yea. hhh its 10pm i need to sleep but alas i cannot
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I'm both excited to go on a vacation but also dreading it bc lord my separation anxiety with my cats is killing me alive
#i know they'll be fine (god i hOPE SO) but I'm :`)#im rlly excited to go somewhere i haven't visited in 2 years and all but h hhh#good lord im so anxious and tired rn its wild idek#// mild vent ??? iggg?#dove.txt
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It's so so sucky when you sort of still have feelings for and nice memories of someone who is a complete dick and kind of emotionally manipulated and abused you
#i was sat in the library crying to the fucking theme song for the last of us#purely because it reminds me of them and all the nice stuff#but it was mixed in with the bad stuff too#i just want to stop missing her and thinking about her#it's been over three months now and I'm so so tired of it#and i never even got closure#because she just disappeared#hhh anyway I'm gonna try not to cry again lol#delete later
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I am tired and I want to rest
NO REST
1000 DRAWING IDEAS, DO THEM NOW!
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EEE SO HAPPY RN I'll get some actual free time now that my pesky quizzes and exams are over for a while xd
Phew...finally gonna get those 8 hours of beauty sleep 😔<333
#rambling#delete later#aaah i had to avoid social media for a bit since it made me so distracted and I couldn't really focus on my work >:'D#ugggh I can't even feel my face anymore I'm so tired HHH but now maybe I'll draw something on the weekend like a small traditional doodle#thank you all so so so much for your support and your patience and your sweet words :')c they really mean the world to me<3333
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DAY TWO OF WAKING UP AT 6AM FOR WORK, GIVE IT UP FOR DAY 2
Live Dani reaction:
#dani speaks#and we're doing a true blood night today starting at 6 i think#and I've gotta bring my car in for tire change after my coworker comes in and takes over watching the fire alarm test guys#chuckles. I'm in danger#THANKFULLY this is the last true blood night in a long time#bc one work friend is getting married and the other one is taking all of December off#so I'll get a fucking BREAK bc WOW! WOW! I AM BURNT OUT AS FUCK#glad last night was candela obscura and not main campaign or I'd be BUSHWHACKED today#hhh
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Alright... history time.
I'm thinking I'll organise them by attractions rather than the animatronics themselves. Makes sense to me to do that since the attractions don't change as much. Gonna make a little post for a checklist for anyone interested how long it'll be before I can confidently go insane with my new Plex lore lmao
Attractions:
Roxy Raceway (Includes anything Old Pizzeria related)
Glamrock Salon
Kid's Cove
Fazerblast
Bonnie Bowl
Mazercise
Cupcake Factory
Gator Golf
Superstar Daycare (Including the Superstar Theatre)
Rockstar Row/Glamrock Band
Fazcade
Atrium (various lobbies, Storyteller Tree, etc.)
Might also add a carnival area cause that's neat and maybe a modified version of Freddy's Fortress just cause I like Happs and the concept is cool. It was just ya know... terribly executed, as is the theme of the books lmao
btw new tag for my new Plex history stuff: #fly's plex lore
#fly's plex lore#once I have all this I'm gonna be in prime position to do all sorts of shit#it'll be worth it just you wait#it'll be good I promise#gonna be a combination of things I find fun in book and game so...#hhh tired.
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#why do i never hear about how hard front desk work is#i'm feeling good about my work so far but i'm also Very Tired hhh#i'm also just#really amused lately by the idea of receptionist!natori#No Reason........#tbd
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We know that time passes differently between shatterspaces ("a day?! you've been gone for weeks!") so like how long has Shadow been in the void?? For all we know he could've been in there for Years.
#sonic prime spoilers#sonic prime#I'm so sick and tired today. all my foggy brain can think of is sonic hhh
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I don't even know how the queue function works tbh
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