#hey i did it and I'm doing fine. I've lived with it for so long and don't hold onto it like a lifeline anymore

[mountain-lion-gremlin]

a good reason to leave for me:

i honestly think it would be safer for me and therians to not be in the same space sometimes haha. P-shifting isn't safe for many and it can really hurt others.

Although I would love to stay, I know that it's probably safer for everyone to no longer teach it and keep to myself about things that involve how to shift and such.

P-shifting isn't a joke and can harm people who suffer from mental issues and other things of that sort. Its just not safe to teach in a large public space. It's something only some can stomach and be safe while doing. Plus some communities that are too unregulated exist and may mess with people's reality and how they perceive it. Some are too open to allow people to start p-shifting right off the bat and it's just too dangerous that way. (including those that say "oh just wait you will shift eventually but you cant control it at all" those are even worse.)

Theres a very good reason why newer communities are very apprehensive about teaching, or telling, or allowing new people who know nothing about it just hop in and start shifting. Usually if you are coming to the "learning" community (as in, you are following steps laid out by others to understand your identity) there is guidelines, there are warnings, etc. It's just too risky to not follow these guidelines and not listen to the warnings.

Dont start p-shifting right when you find out. Take the time to start a journal. Understand that what you are getting into isn't something that will make you cool or quirky. You risk your mental health if you are not careful. You have to be born to be a p-shifter. You must first mental shift before you can even think about p-shifting. P-shifting is not easy and will take years to even get to a point where you start getting somewhere physically.

The list goes on. When someone who is teaching shifting slacks in saying these things, you can harm someone. It takes a very long time to even get to the point where you may be ready to p-shift. Some never will p-shift. You have to accept these realities too. Not to mention how some older guides, although effective, can be so incredibly risky. (Such as completely shutting out the world and being an animal 24/7. Some people just take it too far and do it too early and ruin themselves.) Its just not worth it sometimes.

Thats why I'm leaving Tumblr. Too open, not safe for neither me nor others looking in. I know I usually don't have these sorts of posts, but I just saw someone in an anon saying how unstable their reality and they were after lurking in the community and it just.... its just so hard to see. Nobody deserves that sort of mental torture. Sometimes I forget that p-shifting actually can be dangerous to some if nobody teaches how important it is to regulate yourself, check in on yourself, and remember that p-shifting isn't for the faint of heart.

It's only for those who have spent so much time over years of their journey, exploring themselves, askong questions, taking breaks, questioning themselves so many times, and checking in, to finally be able to claim that they are able to p-shift. (There is so much more to it than that obviously.) My fourth year of shifting is coming up, and after so long I might be ready to leave the online community permanently and start my journey. (of physically shifting i mean. I spend more time teaching others rather than doing the practice itself right now lol. When i say p-shifting im trying to refer to the whole process, but really talking about the mental shifting and phantom shifting etc. Sorry if its been unclear, many know the whole community as "p-shifters" when in reality "p-shifters" are only those who havw actually preformed a p-shift. I havent yet in my conscious memory so i just call myself a shifter or nonhuman.)

Please be safe. Please, if you are curious about the p-shifting community, remember that it is a mixed bag and not for everyone. As always any community can be a mixed bag, but p-shifting "learning" communities can spiral and be too lax on the warnings and importance of these warnings.

Thats all. (make sure to read all tags fully too.)

[phantomrose96]

Okay I have a story.

So my birthday is this Sunday (May 26th). My mom ordered some presents for me but one of them (an Etsy purchase) was seemingly stuck in transit and might not make it on time. I tell my mom all good, no worries. She gets in contact with the seller. After a long delay in response they get back with "Right we'll fix it!" It ships, tracking label and everything, good to go! ETA May 22nd (yesterday.)

During the work day I check the tracking and it says it's been delivered in/at mailbox! I double check with my mom "hey, is it mailbox size?" because if not, I don't want it sitting at the front door where anyone walking by could snag it.

She says "it's definitely NOT mailbox size." Okay. I text my neighbors in the building "Anyone seen a package delivered? It's a birthday gift from my mom and I wanna make sure it gets inside!" Success! Floor 2 David (not to be confused with Floor 1 David) had brought it inside. Inform my mom. All good!

I stop by home briefly around 4pm, because yesterday was hot-hot and I just installed my window A/C that morning in the living room, and according to my cat cam my stupid cat hasn't spent a single second in the climate controlled living room and is, instead, voluntarily baking herself elsewhere so I'm like "great" and hop on my bike to go home (10 minute ride) to check on her.

I get in the building door. Patches is crying from the top floor because she heard me. I maneuver my bike in the front hall. The ugliest fucking 6-foot-tall cat tree(?)/totem(?)/statue(?) I've seen in my entire life is just. Standing there.

My first thought is "What the fuck is that." My second thought is "Oh fuck that is for me." I look around at the floor in case there's perhaps anything else that might, in fact, be the gift.

No. Me and Cat Pole.

It's taller than me. I turn it around to face me and its face is painted and this is, in fact, uglier than it looked from the back.

Um.

Patches is crying. So I just haul it up to my level. MAYBE it was supposed to come with twine that I wrap around it (and hide its face from the world) for Patches to scratch. Maybe this is a prank. Maybe this is an inside joke, because when my mom moved into her current house the neighborhood gifted her some ugly-as-hell totem that apparently, by tradition, each newest-comer to the neighborhood is required to have and display in their window so maybe this is a very good riff on that.

Patches rubs against it. She's not afraid of this horrid facsimile of her kind.

Great.

Meanwhile SHE'S fine and the condo is a little toasty but totally liveable so I'm like "Good, cool, you're not baking. You're having a good time. Enjoy your new sister, I guess, I'll see you later."

I go back to work because this is a problem for later me.

After work, after my run, after whatever, I get home and it's like 8:00pm and Patches is so happy to see me and the totem pole is still just. There.

I text my friends like "so a bday gift is here from my mom and it's the Biggest Ugliest cat pole I've seen in my life. Is this a bit? Did my mom go 'that's so ugly haha! send!' Maybe she genuinely found it cute. How do I navigate this." My friend Sarah has the good advice to maybe text my mom neutrally like "Got the cat pole!" and feel the waters whether my mom is like "Isn't it ugly? 😂" or "Hope Patches likes it! 🥰"

My mom goes to bed early so I don't do any of that yet. Problem for tomorrow me.

This morning, Patches wakes me up for breakfast. I get her situated and I'm staring at the fucking Cat Pole again. I wonder if my Mom's been wondering all night what I thought of it.

I take a picture. I text her.

Okay.

I get on call with my mom. I ask for clarity that the ungodly horrid thing is NOT my birthday gift and is in fact a mix-up from the seller who sent me this instead of my actual gift. She's wheezing between words. She thinks I'm being too charitable for the amount of Absolute Fucking Ugly this is. I have to gently talk her out of using the word "monstrosity" while messaging the seller asking what the hell happened here.

I tell her I need to apologize for harming her dignity with Floor 2 David, who thinks this fucking thing is my mom's idea of a great birthday gift for her to-be-28-year-old daughter.

My heart goes out to the poor soul who did actually order this cat totem and is lacking it on this lovely day.

[senseless-blabbering]

kinda really sucks that i've been made to feel so obnoxious and wrong that i just can't really talk about anything myself unless i'm asked something

[suiana]

yandere! parasite who decides to inhabit your body after observing you from his previous host. you're so cute! you'll definitely be a lot more comfortable to be in over this... fumbling fool that's obsessed with you.

the switch is seamless and you don't even realize that you have a parasite in you until he speaks.

you were stunned, where did this voice come from? you look around you, thinking your boss or coworker had called for you... only for the face of a... translucent and handsome looking man to appear right in front of you.

"hey!"

"what the- where did you come from? wait a minute who even are you?"

"you're so silly. isn't it obvious that i'm a parasite and you're my host?"

"a... parasite?"

you freak out, thinking you have brain eating worms in you as you break down in the middle of your job. fortunately, the lovely parasite in you takes the time to comfort you through your brain.

he tells you that he won't kill you and that he's a symbiotic parasite. that he'll just co-exist with you for as long as you live. that he won't interrupt your life whatsoever, he just needs a place to stay, you know?

at least that's what he tells you and himself.

unbeknownst to him, he had... unfortunately adopted certain characteristics from his previous host. and what did that include? his obsession of course.

he doesn't notice it at first. he was just acting like his normal self, observing your day to day life for about a month or two while interacting happily with you through brain messages. everything was fine and dandy! nothing out of the ordinary for the both of you except for the fact that you now had a parasite in your brain.

and he was quite useful actually! improving your health, boosting your physical strength and stuff... it was so freaking cool! you never knew you could do all these things!

plus, he was so sweet! you two were definitely like a pair of really good friends even if you just met a month or two ago! he's just perfect!

that was, until he saw someone confessing to you.

he didn't understand what was going on. why did his chest tighten up at the sight of some other person confessing their love to you? why does he feel a sudden rush of... anger?

he turns to watch what you do and he swears he only feels more anger at how you react. cheeks flushed, pupils dilated...

no, he couldn't have that.

meanwhile, you were totally flattered by the sudden confession. especially when it was from this cute nerd from the IT department! maybe you'll accept- wait, wait, wait! why was your body moving on its own?!

"you belong to me."

the parasite in your brain mumbles as you lose all control of your body and begin walking away from your admirer. what the?! he's never done this before! why's he taking control of your body?!

"hey! give my body back!"

"how could you do this to me? i am hurt, my dear host."

you couldn't even respond, too shocked to even say anything before you try to resust again. obviously it wouldn't work but it doesn't hurt to try.

"hey cut it out! i thought you said we're just living together? what's this? you totally messed up my chances of getting with someone!"

you were about to snap back when you feel a cold dread creep up your spine. shit, you forgot he could control everything in your body.

you could only watch in horror as he brings your body back to your apartment before he forces your body onto your bed. his translucent body appears in your vision once more, pinning you to the bed. you couldn't even resist even if you tried. he controlled your brain after all.

"you're my host, therefore, you are mine. i do not understand what's so hard to understand."

gritting your teeth, you could only allow this parasitic admirer of yours to stare down at you while grinding his hips into yours. damn, what's he trying to-

"hah... you're so cute... i love you so much... can i explore you? I'm so curious. I've always looked away when you were bare but..."

you couldn't even say no if you tried. your body was responding on its own. damn it! his brain controlling abilities were too good! maybe you should be a parasite in your next life.

"ah... is that a yes? god, i love you. i love you, i love you... i love you so much my darling host."

...

were you about to have mental sex with the parasite living in your body right now?!

[ellecdc]

Hi gorggg can i request an angst wolfstar fic where reader is kind of insecure of her placement within their relationship? like they’re both so close already and she’s a new addition so she kinda just feels out of place.

thank you for your amazing writing!! doing the world a favor❤️❤️❤️

Hey babes! Thanks SO much for the request 'cause truly, this is my shit. Now, I have to admit that I'm obsessed with these fics that have the same vibe by moonstruckme (poly!marauders) and super-clearlysaltybouquet (poly!wolfstar), so really, they're the blueprints/inspiration for this piece

also...I'm a whore for hurt/comfort. But you asked for ANGST...so I've given you only angst and no comfort. If you want comfort, you'll have to ask for a part two 💖 hope you love it!!! UPDATE: part two is here.

poly!wolfstar x fem!reader

CW: insecurities in relationship, feeling out of place, angst, hurt no comfort

It felt silly, really, to feel as sad as you did. You were currently sitting with two boys who you’ve been basically in love with for so long - two boys who have proclaimed to feel the same way about you - and on the outside you were sure this looked like a really lovely moment.

It just didn’t feel very lovely. 

You didn’t think your discontentedness stemmed from anything the boys had done in particular, but even seeing the way they instinctively leaned closer to one another when anyone else approached the three of you left you feeling like an outsider looking in.

Maybe you were overthinking things. Maybe this was just your insecurities showing.

Or maybe…maybe…the three of you had made a mistake.

Maybe you weren’t cut out for polyamory; it certainly wasn’t for the weak, and it certainly wasn’t easy being the newest addition to the relationship. 

You felt lost in most conversations, missing key information that inside jokes, years of friendship, and living together in the same tower - the same dorm room – led to. It felt as though they were fluent in a language you were only starting to pick up, and you didn’t want them to have to slow down for your sake. You didn’t want one of them to have to play the role of translator just for your benefit. 

But then, why were you here?

You weren’t calm, relaxed, and witty like Remus. And you weren’t funny, exciting, and energetic like Sirius. They seemed to already balance each other out perfectly; maybe that’s why it felt so easy to fall into the role of a background character in your own relationship.

There was a brief ‘honeymoon’ period to your relationship; a time of public proclamations, handholding and PDA, dates, and spending every moment the three of you could together.

It was exciting.

And then it was less exciting – not to you, never to you - but it seemed to be that way for them.

Suddenly, it was dates and then them returning to their dorm – back home – without you. It was silent conversations with nothing but a look between the two of them that didn’t include you in the slightest. It was professors announcing partner projects, and them pairing together immediately which was fine, you told yourself, because you always partnered with Shelby anyway and that’s the way it had always been before.

Before. 

This is the way it had always been before. 

So, what were you doing here, exactly? What were you doing sitting on a blanket near the Black Lake with a book in your hand, while Sirius’ hand gripped around your ankle gently as Remus played with Sirius’ hair from where his head was laying in his lap, whilst Sirius and Remus talked about pranks, something funny that James said, and setting Peter up with some Hufflepuff girl? 

You could tell you were being insecure… that you were overthinking this. You could tell you were being unreasonable because every so often, Sirius’ hand wouldn’t just be resting around your ankle, but he would squeeze it gently or rub his thumb across your Achilles tendon as if to convince himself that you were still here; still real. And every so often, Remus would move his gaze from where it laid on his own book or away from Sirius whom he was speaking with to look at you… check on you… confirm you were still there; still okay. 

They cared. They had to, right? Cared that you were here? They wouldn’t have asked you otherwise, surely. They wouldn’t be making the effort to keep a hand on you, or their eyes on you. Surely, they would never have decided to open their relationship to include you in it.

But there it was…the truth.

It was their relationship. And they’d opened it up for you.

It should be the second part of that sentence that spoke to you the most, but in your mind and insecurities, the first part seemed like the whole truth. 

This was their relationship.

You shouldn’t be here.

“You still with us, dove?” Remus asked gently, distracting you from your musings. You suddenly realized that your book you were holding had fallen limply into your lap and you were staring unseeingly at the Black Lake. The boys had apparently paused their conversation to look at you, and Sirius’ thumb continued its tender caressing of the soft of your joint.

“Yeah.” You said, but it came out scratchy. You cleared your throat and tried again. “Yeah, sorry, I must have zoned out for a second.”

Sirius wiggled your ankle. “Daydreaming again, huh? About us I bet.” He teased with a wink. 

You wiggled your ankle back at him as he leaned his head up from Remus’ lap, lips puckered in an ask (a demand) for a kiss.

This may be fleeting, so who were you to deny him?

You leaned forward on one hand, the other still holding your book, and pressed a kiss to the black-haired boy’s lips. He smiled into it and let you go all too willingly as you leaned back and tried to focus on your book. 

The air around you began to feel heavy before the sound of distant thunder permeated your hearing.

“Damn, I guess Scottish weather isn’t very reliable, hm?” Remus said as he began packing up his things.

“It’s too bad.” Sirius murmured as he began to stand. “I was having a nice time out here with you two.”

You smiled back at him as he extended a hand to help you up.

“We’re still on for a study date tomorrow after dinner, right?” He asked you when you were at your full height.

“Yeah, sure. If you guys will have me.” You responded shyly, hating that you even hinted at any of your insecurities.

Sirius scoffed in response, but it was Remus who answered. “’Course we do, dove. We’re looking forward to it.”

You felt like you should be a little embarrassed at the way your heart fluttered hopefully at the sentiment, but you focused instead on Sirius’ smile and Remus’ soft eyes as the three of you made your way back to the castle. 

You hadn’t seen the boys at all today. You unfortunately slept through your alarm, making you miss breakfast completely; generally, you’d sit with Sirius, Remus, and their friends at the Gryffindor table. The two of them were no shows for lunch, so you opted to sit with Shelby instead. And it was Friday, and on Friday’s you didn’t share any classes with them, meaning by the time you made it to dinner, you’d not seen or heard from them at all.

“Hey James.” You commented as you headed towards James, Lily, and Regulus sitting at the Slytherin table. “Have you seen Rem or Sirius at all today?” Of course, you knew that he had, he lived with them.

James seemed to grimace slightly, but the expression was fleeting before he was smiling at you again. 

He knew something you didn’t.

“The last I heard they were talking about your study date tonight.” He offered. You could tell he was putting on an extra show of enthusiasm for your benefit. You tried to be grateful for it, but it left a sour taste in your mouth, nonetheless.

“Okay, thank you.” You said as you turned to head to find a seat with Shelby. 

“Oh, Y/N.” Lily called after you. “You’re welcome to sit with us, if you’d like?”

You grinned gratefully at Lily as she smiled kindly at you, even though your heart clenched on account of the clearly pitying offer. Was it as obvious to everyone else as it was to you that you were so out of place with Remus and Sirius? Could they all see it too?

“That’s alright. I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” You called as you walked away.

The boys weren’t avoiding you, were they? Surely, they would have said something to you if there was a problem.

Although, perhaps they wouldn’t, seeing as you had clearly been spiraling for some time now and have yet to discuss it with them.

Would they even meet you in the library later? Certainly, they would have said if something came up…if you needed to reschedule.

No. 

You were obviously being silly. You hadn’t seen them all day, but they hadn’t seen you either – it was just a coincidence. You were fine.

Except you weren’t fine. Because it was about seven minutes after the time you had agreed to meet them before the boys joined you in the library. Remus offered you a hasty “sorry we’re late, dove” and a squeeze of your shoulder before taking a place at the table across from you, and Sirius pecked a quick kiss into your hair and sat beside you without saying a word.

It was painfully awkward. You’d asked them how their days were – Remus answered for the both of them before he asked you how yours was in turn.

After two more (failed) attempts on your part to make conversation, the rest of the study session was spent in silence. And not a comfortable silence.

It was the kind of silence that had you checking your surroundings every so often. The kind of silence that made you feel as if bugs were crawling over your skin.

Every time you looked across at Remus, he seemed to be shooting concerned glances over at Sirius. Every time you looked in your periphery at Sirius, you could see he was zoned out, eyes rimmed and red like he’d been crying or angrily rubbing at them. 

If something was wrong, they would have told you – right?

If they were regretting being with you, they wouldn’t have shown - right? 

If they were going to break up with you, they wouldn’t do it in the library of all places.

Right?

Your musings were interrupted when Sirius let out a sharp breath and closed his book unceremoniously. 

“Sorry guys, I’m not feeling the best. I think I’m going to pack it up.”

Remus immediately perked up, looking like he was ready to pack up too. “Okay, do you want company?”

Do you want me to come with you?

“No, that’s alright. Don’t let me impede your studying. I’ll catch up with you later, ‘kay?”

I’ll talk to you more in our dorm room when we’re alone, Remus.

“Sorry, sweets. I’ll make it up to you.” He said as he hugged you from behind and kissed your neck. 

“Okay, I hope you feel better.” You offered as you awkwardly pat his arms. He gave you a half-hearted smile before quickly exiting the library.

Once his figure disappeared from your vision, you turned back to see Remus still looking towards the way Sirius just left; he was still poised as if he was ready to pack up and go after him.

You suddenly felt guilty…because if you weren’t here, he would be going… He’d be going after his boyfriend and comforting him through…whatever he’s going through.

So now, here you were keeping Remus from where he really wanted to be, and Sirius from having the support that he needs…that he deserves.

My gods, you’ve made such a terrible mistake. How did the three of you not notice?

“Sorry about that, love.” Remus mentioned quietly, offering you a half smile. “He…he got a letter from his family today. He doesn’t really talk about it with people.”

He talked about it with you, though.

“It usually takes him a day or two to sort it out before he comes back to us.”

You mean back to you, James, and Peter…

“I’ll talk to him.”

When you leave me…to go to him.

You hated even feeling petulant about it. One of the things you loved about these boys was how much they loved each other. The trust, the affection, the care…you had just hoped that somehow, you’d get to enjoy those things too.

You offered him the best smile you could muster as you turned back towards your book. You could no longer make the words out as your vision blurred, tears threatening to spill out over the arithmancy calculations spread below you. 

You couldn’t keep doing this. Not to Remus, not to Sirius…and certainly not to yourself. You deserved better, all three of you did. 

You were being selfish, inserting yourself into their relationship like this; demanding things from them that they didn’t owe you.

“You know what,” you offered quietly, clearing your throat as your voice came out scratchy, grating along the lump lodged in your throat. “I think I’ve gotten enough studying done for tonight.”

You stood and started piling your things together. 

“Oh…are, are you sure?” Remus asked like he was willing to argue, but he too was standing and starting to pack his bag – eager to get to his dorm and check on Sirius. 

“Yeah, I did some work on it at dinner as well.”

Remus grimaced slightly at that.

“I’m sorry dove, really. The three of us clearly haven’t had a great day. I’ll talk to Sirius, and I promise we’ll all be back in sync in no time.”

You looked into his eyes and saw sincerity.

Back in sync.

Were we ever in sync to begin with?

“Can I walk you to your dorm?” He asked as he made to move around the table, but he paused at you quickly shaking your head.

“No, no I’m alright. I can find my way.” You tried to joke, but it fell flat.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. No, don’t worry about it just – uhm – just make sure he’s okay for me, yeah?” You asked as you walked backwards to the door. Remus must’ve picked up something in your tone, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked you up and down.

“I really am sorry, Y/N. We’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

You quickly wiped away a stray tear that found its way out of your water line and gave him the biggest smile you could muster.

This was better, you thought, let everyone out of their misery.

“’Course. I’ll, uhm, I’ll see you around, Lupin.”

And you left. 

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Post war/coma comic about Gai struggling with his recovery

Since tumblr hates long form comics, I have to split this into 2 bc its 36 images. This is the first part, part 2 i'll either do as a reblog or a separate post right after this, stay tuned! Links to support me in pinned post <3

tw: s*icidal thoughts, injury, a little blood

Bisuke: Gai's Back!

Gai: GRAAH!

Kks: Im home Gai: Welcome back Kks: [wheels rolling] Hey,

Kks: Ga-!? Gai: Im fine. The tile is cool on my face. Kks: Wanna go lay down in bed? Gai: I am so /sick/ of lying down. Kks: Ok. What do you want for supper?

Gai: You're not going to comment? Kks: I already know what happened. You overdid it again. I should be able to keep up with chores, kakashi. Kks: You can. Just don' bull through it all in one go. Do you want to end up in the hospital again? Gai: Please don't. Kks: I know sitting still is hard for you, and "too much" is in your DNA, but you have to take this slow so you don't exacerbate your injuries, Gai. You went from hyper-aware to pretending your body limits dont exist. Gai: Like you haven't done the same.

Gai: You've proved your point. Kks: It's not about that. And you've dragged me to bed and out of bed repeatedly when I needed it. You were burning alive from the inside. Tsunade told you your immune system is out of whack. You need to take it easy. /I/ know you're capable, but are you trying to prove to /yourself/ you are? Gai: You want me to admit my embarrassment? Kks: If something serioud happens, You'll be even more embarrassed then

Gai: How could you possibly know how I FEEL?! How could you EVER KNOW HOW I FEEL?! Kks: I DON'T! But I've /been/ the one ouking and sobbing on your bathroom floor because I couldn't take living anymore! And I don't want that for YOU!

Kks: I'm sorry, Gai. Gai: I'm sorry

Kks: I can't stand knowing you're in pain, and I can't get you help. If there was a way, I'd do anything. Gai: You do so much to help me already.... And I yelled at you Kks: I've screamed at you so much, that was pretty tame. I wish I was like you with things like this. Not great with what to say...... But I can listen.

Gai: I hate feeling so weak. I'm tired all the time, in constant pain, I can't even walk-..... I can tell tenten and the boys worry despite my efforts to appear positive. Kks: They're just not sure how to react. They know you hate being babied, but don't want to push you into hurting yourself. You hate being told you can't do something. They love you. You get stronger everyday, everyone is cheering you on.

Gai: I know it's irrational, but... I feel like you gave up the Hokage position to take care of me. Kks: Haa!? I'm grateful if anything. I'd be retired too if I could. That'd be amazing. I'm dreading just helping Tsunade but as long as you're by my side, I'll be fine. We're still equals, rivals, friends, partners

Gai: Even if I can't- Kks: /Always/ wil be, dickhead. Gai: You worry about me hurting myself? Kks: I know you think about it

Kks: We're the same in that regard Gai: I would never act on this, please believe me, these thoughts are rare........... Kks: It's ok, Gai. Gai: Sometimes I think i should have just died. I feel so out of place on the streets I used to feel so at home at. I never asked to live. I didn't plan to. I just don't know how to-...

Kks: I understand that. Though, dying didn't feel any better. Gai: I know I didn't fully pass like you did. I didn't see papa. Just for a moment, I wish I could have seen him.

Kks: As much as I'm sure he wants to see you again, It's too soon. Dai'd slap the shit out of you for wanting to waste your youth just to see him. Gai: [chuckle] probably. Kks: I have those thoughts less and less now, but they're still there. "why am I the one who survives?" "Burden" "Gai will come to his senses eventually"

Gai: FALSE!! None of my grief is with you! I love living here with you! My love for you only burns hotter each day! You're so lovely inside and out! Kks: Maa What did I do to deserve such praise from teh mouth of the hottest man in Konoha?? Gai: YOU STILL THINK I'M HOT?! Kks: YOU-! [CACKLE]

Kks: Your bad taste is the only reason I had a chance before someone snatched you up. Gai: The worst. Kks: Thought we'd irritate eachother, but it's been pretty smooth. Even though you still get played by the dogs. Gai: You really wanna throw those stones?

Gai: They play you just as easily. don't lie. Kks: My point is, whatever you need from me, you have it. No questions asked. Even if you yell and scream, i can take it. You held me together when I was unraveling, and I'll never forget it. Didn't trust anyone else to see me like that. Broken

Gai: I never saw you as that. Kks: I'll never see you as that

[literary-lesbo]

𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘵 𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵

ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ! ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴜᴘ ʙʏ ᴍᴇ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀꜱ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ꜰᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴏɴ ᴘɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇꜱᴛ

𝘏𝘶𝘳𝘵/𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵

♡ "can you please come get me?"

♡ "hey, don't do that, you'll hurt yourself"

♡ "no, don't cry, I hate it when you cry"

♡ "you look sad"

♡ "oh god, you're bleeding"

♡ "I could just use a hug"

♡ "don't touch me"

♡ "it's okay, just breathe"

♡ "I'll stay for as long as you need"

♡ "you can trust me"

♡ "can I touch you? is that okay?"

♡ "you don't need to apologize, ever"

♡ "hey, hey, you're alright! it's okay, just calm down"

♡ "shh, shh, you're okay now"

♡ "here, hold my hand"

♡ "there's no shame in crying, I promise"

♡ "are you crying?"

♡ "you are what's important right now"

♡ "I've got nowhere else to be"

♡ "I'm at the hospital"

𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵

♡ "I don't want to die"

♡ "I was only using you"

♡ "stay away from me"

♡ "why am I always your second choice?"

♡ "we almost made it"

♡ "leave I don't want to see you"

♡ "why are you helping a monster?"

♡ "I'm barely holding on"

♡ "can I leave now?"

♡ "I guess that's just how little I meant to you"

♡ "I just want to know you care about me"

♡ "stop looking at me like I'm damaged goods"

♡ "there's no us and there never was"

♡ "you deserve so much better"

♡ "don't do this here"

♡ "am I too late?"

♡ "say something, just fucking say something"

♡ "I know. I know I wasn't enough. I always did"

♡ "I did care, I used to care"

𝘍𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧

♡ "shh, stop fussing. I'm just braiding your hair"

♡ "can I borrow your sweater? it smells like you"

♡ "you're my new pillow"

♡ "I'll be here to protect you"

♡ "it's okay, I couldn't sleep anyway"

♡ "you make me so happy"

♡ "aww, you're blushing"

♡ "wait...is this a date?"

♡ "can I kiss you?"

♡ "I'm glad you came"

♡ "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified"

♡ "thank you for being her for me"

♡ "you're so pretty when you first wake up"

♡ "I want you to stay, please"

♡ "dance with me"

♡ "your eyes are so pretty"

♡ "is someone sleepy?"

♡ "can I kiss you?"

♡ "you're so warm"

♡ "this/these are my favorite"

𝘚𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘧𝘪𝘤

♡ “you’re sure I’m sick?  ‘cause I feel fine”

♡  “I really cannot be sick right now”

♡  “everyone gets colds.  I’ll live”

♡  “I really hope this is just my allergies”

♡  “stop thinking so loud; my head hurts”

♡ "I'm scared"

♡ "I can't even talk properly"

♡  "I feel like I'm letting everyone down"

♡ "you're making a big deal out of nothing"

♡ "I'm so tired..."

♡ "no, you're not fine. you're burning up”

♡ "you need to rest. I'll stay here with you until you feel better"

♡ “just let me take care of you"

♡ "here, take my blanket”

♡ “I’ll make some tea”

♡ “you're in no condition to go anywhere”

♡ “just rest and let your body fight this off"

♡ “take this medicine, please"

♡ "I'm here now”

♡ "right now, the only person you need to help is yourself”

[honeybeedewdrops]

"Just Friends..." | L.Norris

Summary: You and Lando have told everyone you are just friends. Until you let it slip you have made out with him a couple of times, as just friends of course.

______________________________________________________________

You and Lando have been best friends for... well since forever. As one of Lando's best friends you of course get to pick and choose what races you want to go to. Luck was just on your side and you were able to get next week off for Miami.

You: Hey Lan do you by chance have any spare tickets for Miami I would love to come.

Lando: I in fact do

You: Great I would love to come out I got that weekend off

Lando: I'll have McLaren send one right over

You smiled happy to be able to support him.

People would always tease you and Lando about dating it started with your parents and both of you would just laugh it off. Then your friends started teasing you too. Some days it just got so annoying until one drunk night when you and Lando had a moment. You started to develop feelings for him after that night but you always pushed them away afraid of rejection and ruining such a great friendship.

You finally made it to Miami and walked into the paddock ready to take on the world. You walked down the paddock towards the McLaren Garage when two hands wrap around your waist and spin you around. "ahhh Lan put me down" You squeal, he sets you down and you turn around hugging him. "It's so good to see you" "you too Y/n" you smile at him one last time before spotting Ria and Aarava a short way behind him. "Ria, Aarava hey I haven't seen you guys in such a long time" you say pulling both into a hug.

"hey I got media but i'll see you guys later" Lando said giving you a side hug and leaving. "I'm also going to go i'm going to scout our our place Ria" Aarav said leaving just the two girls "and then there was just us" You say. You and Ria chat about work and how living in Ibiza was for her and making your way to the hospitality. " Now tell me girl what is going on with you and Lando" "Nothing i've said this thousands of times we are just friends" Ria shook her head "oh come. He spun you around like some romantic comedy. Not to mention you were the only one he hugged when he left" you rolled your eyes. "Your being dramatic" "Y/n it's right in front of your eyes" "what is?" "Girl Lando is in love with you and has been for quite some time now" "What no he hasn't" Ria sighed. "You are very smart Y/n but so dumb when it comes to Lando he looks at you the same way you look at him" "and how is that" "your in love" "pffff... no i'm not" you denied "You are such a bad liar" Ria said. "I am not" "ok fine but I know there is definitely something going on between you too"

When Lando won you had tears streaming down your face. All his hard work, all of McLaren's hard work he had done it he had finally done he won his first race ever. After he celebrated with his team he made his way to you bringing you into a hug. "I did it" He says making you cry harder "You did" he pulls away "don't cry" He says bring his had up to your cheek to wipe the tears away. You pulled him in for another hug before pushing him to go do media.

To Celebrate Lando's first win you all went out and hit the clubs. You were a few drinks in before going to sit on the couch where you saw Oscar and his girlfriend sitting on the couch. "Hey Oscar good job today" Oscar smiled "Thank you Y/n this is my girlfriend Lily" You smiled "Nice to meet you" "yeah you too I love your dress by the way" Lily compliments. "Thank you I love your outfit too" you say taking a sip of your drink. It was silent for a bit before Lily spoke up. "So are you and Lando dating" "No we're just friends" Oscar makes a face "what was that face for Osc" "Nothing" he says "Oscar seriously what" "I just don't believe you when you say your just friends" "we are gosh no one believes us" "I mean come on there's just no way" "We are just friends even if we did make out a few times" Oscar chokes on his drink "what was that" He asks "we are just friends?" "No after that" Oscar says "what did I say after that?" Oscar rolled his eyes knowing your playing with him "You and Lando have made out" "oh yeah that only like once or twice actually no it was three times" "friends don't just randomly make out" Oscar says "what you don't kiss the homies' you joke. Oscar spoke once again but you drowned him out after seeing Lando dancing. As if he felt eyes in him he looked around and found your eyes making you suck in a break. He really did have this post race glow. Fuck it you thought and stood up handing someone your drink before walking over to him.

You tapped him, he turned and you pulled him in for a kiss. Sparks were practically flying you were on top of the world. You pulled away for air and putting your head against his. "Woah" Lando said making you chuckle. "I like you Lando, a lot and I have for a while" He smile got wider "I like you too Y/n" he then pulled you in for another kiss making everyone around you cheer finally you two confessed.

[inkspiredwriting]

Double Trouble: Five vs. Five

Five Hargreeves x Fem!reader

Warnings: none

The Umbrella Academy mansion was unusually quiet, save for the soft hum of activity coming from the living room. Five Hargreeves, his wife Y/N, and his brother Luther were sitting on the couch, enjoying a rare moment of peace.

"Are you sure you don't want to join us for dinner?" Y/N asked, looking at Five with a warm smile.

"I'll pass," Five said, sipping his coffee. "You know how I feel about sitting through long meals."

Y/N rolled her eyes affectionately. "You're impossible."

Just then, a bright flash of light filled the room, followed by the unmistakable sound of temporal displacement. When the light faded, an older version of Five stood in the middle of the room, looking slightly disoriented.

"Well, this is unexpected," Old Five said, straightening his tie. "Hello, Luther. Hello, Y/N." His gaze lingered on Y/N, and his eyes widened in disbelief. "Wait a minute—you're married to him?" He pointed at his younger self.

"Yes, we are," Y/N said, exchanging a puzzled glance with Young Five. "Who are you?"

"I'm Five," Old Five said with a smirk. "But from a different timeline."

Luther stood up, towering over both versions of Five. "So, what brings you here, old man?"

Old Five ignored the question, his attention still fixed on Y/N. "I must say, I never imagined I'd end up with someone like you, Y/N. You have excellent taste." He stepped closer to her, his smirk widening. "Tell me, what do you see in my younger self?"

Young Five narrowed his eyes, standing up to face his older counterpart. "Watch it, old man. She's my wife."

Old Five chuckled, clearly enjoying the tension. "Relax, kid. I'm just curious. Besides, it looks like I've still got it." He winked at Y/N, who looked decidedly uncomfortable.

"Don't call me 'kid,'" Young Five snapped, his fists clenching at his sides. "And stop flirting with my wife."

Luther, sensing a potential fight, stepped between the two Fives. "Alright, let's all calm down. We don't need a Hargreeves showdown right now."

Old Five laughed, but there was a hint of irritation in his eyes. "Fine, fine. I'll back off. But it's interesting to see how things turned out in this timeline."

Y/N, trying to ease the tension, placed a hand on Young Five's arm. "It's okay, Five. He's just being... well, you."

Young Five took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "Yeah, well, I don't like it."

Old Five raised an eyebrow. "Jealous, are we? That's new."

Luther rolled his eyes. "Enough, both of you. Why are you here, Old Five?"

Old Five shrugged. "Curiosity, mostly. Wanted to see how things turned out for me in this timeline. And I must say, I'm impressed." He glanced at Y/N again, his expression softening slightly. "You got lucky, kid."

Young Five scowled. "Don't call me 'kid.' And yes, I did get lucky. Now, if you don't have any pressing business here, I'd appreciate it if you left."

Old Five chuckled. "Alright, alright. I'll go. But just remember, don't take what you have for granted."

With another bright flash of light, Old Five disappeared, leaving Young Five, Y/N, and Luther standing in the living room.

"Well, that was awkward," Luther said, scratching his head.

Y/N turned to Young Five, wrapping her arms around him. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Five said, though his jaw was still clenched. "I just didn't expect to meet my older self today. And I certainly didn't expect him to hit on you."

Y/N laughed softly. "Well, I only have eyes for you, Five. No matter what timeline you're from."

Five's expression softened, and he kissed her forehead. "I know. And I love you for it."

Luther, trying to lighten the mood, clapped Five on the back. "Hey, at least now you know you'll age well."

Five rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, I guess so."

As they settled back on the couch, the tension slowly faded, leaving behind a strange sense of camaraderie. They had faced yet another bizarre situation, and once again, they had come out stronger together.

[dark-night-hero]

Imagine Kamisato Ayato who was in a good term with his former/ex significant other. Sure you were mad at him at first because why, why couldn't you be enough for him? Why can't he choose you over his family? You used to be so mad at him. Used to.

Imagine accepting the fact that the two of you were not meant to be together. Sure you were each others half, a perfect piece of puzzle that just suit each other but you were not what he needed and probably never. But he does needed you, it was just he was selfless. He needed you but they needed him too, his family needed him too. You were just aren't the best choice for his family. You used to hate him. Used to.

Imagine having to come up with the fact that he still loves you. Even after all the heartbreak and tears, he still care about you. But not as openly as he does anymore.

"You know. You don't have to do this anymore." You hate him. Looking at him kneeling in front of you trying to inspect your perfect fine ankle after accidentally tripping when you saw him in front of you. "I know." He replied, not looking up at you. "Then why-" "It doesn't mean that we're done that I stopped caring. I still does." He cut off before standing up. "I think it's all fine." "I told you it was nothing..." You trail off as he gave you a smile, a small sad smile while his eyes looked at you with love. So muh love that disappear in a blink of an eye like it was never there. "I'll get going now. It was nice seeing you again." You hate that even without asking, you forgive him. "Hey commisioner." He stop mid walk but never turn around. "Feel free to drop by the cafe if you need a break." Before he could turn around, you turn your back at him.

Imagine Kamisato Ayato who was in a good term with his ex. The way the two of you slowly went back to what the two of you were before. Friends. Acting like none of the heartbreak, tears, happiness and love happened. Things were much better of this way. Sure it still hurt when you saw him with his fiance that would surely bring back their clan to their former glory but. It was fine. It felt weird that it was fine. Not too long after he got married, you does too.

Imagine often coming to the estate with your kids. Life is okay. You are happy on how things played out, you are contented with the life you have. But sometimes, you would often catch gaze of Ayato looking fondly of your children. "Strange." You spoke out of the blue that caught his attention. "Now none of your children looks like you." You chuckle. "It would nice." Is that an insul- "A child that looks like you would be nice." "My spouse said that alot, maybe we should have one last try." "You should." Fool. You thought as you look away, stop looking like that while saying that. "But hey! Maybe you and-" "No. Once is enough." "... You have a twin though.."

Imagine once in a while, a small get together would happened between just the two of you in the first place the two of you met. In that old cafe you and your spouse now manage. "Are you happy?" It was a question that came out of the blue with a very serious tone that makes you look into him as you gently set your drink down. Following his gaze, you saw a familiar teenage blue hair guy and one of your children a few years younger than his son. A chuckle left your lips. That made him turn to look at you. "We're not getting any younger aren't we." You smile and continue to look at the teens from afar, fingers playing with your wedding ring. "I've been living the happiest moment of my life ever since, Ayato." "I see." Once again, there was a small sad yet genuine smile on his lips. "Are you, happy?" You asked back. You then watch him look outside, "I'm fine."

Imagine as you bid him goodbye, staring at his back. Its strange how the man who seemed to have everything looked so lonely as he walk away from you. But then once again, you just turn your back at him like he did. Walking inside your home were your family is waiting for you.

There was a saying that if who people remained friends after ending their relationship. There is a possibility that they never loved each other and the other being one of them still hold a lingerie feeling for the other. But who knows. Maybe in another life. He wouldn't have to chose anything else before you.

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2024° ;)

:start na ng ojt ko the day after tom. I am so fucking nervous being a front desk trainee, wish me luck on the VIP desk.

[wholoveseggs]

Hey lovely, your latest story gave me an idea. How about Reader and Elijah have been together for a while, but he is the one to avoid sex. Every time he has been with a human, it overpowered them or hurt them. He can't keep Red Door Elijah in check, which is fine when he's with a supernatural being, but not when he's with a human. Reader knows his backstory but is determined to show him that their love is different.

Control

{I've officially run out of gifs I want to use, so I'm in my moodboard era now}

18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}

Plagued by nightmares of hurting you, Elijah avoids any form of intimacy, but you have had enough. You confront him about his rejection and Elijah finally learns how to let go and lose control.

♡♡ Thanks for the request @originals23, love love love red door elijah and his dark side ♡♡

6k words - Warnings: smut, fluff, lots of angst, red door Elijah, trauma, nightmares, visions of death, blood, blood drinking, rough sex, aggressive flirting, dom!elijah, jealously, masquerade ball, elevator vandalism...

Elijah needed control the way a drowning man needed air. It was as if it was a basic function, like oxygen, like blood. He had always been that way, even before he was turned, but it got worse when he was forced to take lives for food and to stay alive. His nature demanded he take what he wanted, when he wanted, but he was afraid of that, so he clung to rules, to discipline.

But no matter what he did, he was still plagued with the same nightmare. You, his perfect love, dead in his arms. Your body limp and lifeless, your eyes open but vacant. And all because he couldn't control himself. Your blood stained his skin, his clothes, his heart.

You knew better than to sneak up on a sleeping vampire, but it wasn't just any vampire. It was your Elijah, your sweet, loving, gentle Elijah.

All you wanted to do was surprise him with some coffee. It was going to be a long day, there was a huge party being hosted by Marcel. All of the factions were gathering for a masquerade ball, the first of its kind in centuries. There were rumors of a peace treaty in the works, and the festivities were the opening salvo.

You were beyond excited, you never experienced this sort of thing, and you were so happy that Elijah would be by your side. You picked out a matching set of masks for the two of you. For him, a sleek, black one with dark feathers at the tips. For yourself, a delicate, lace one in a deep crimson.

When you were younger, you had dreams of wearing beautiful, elaborate gowns, and dancing the night away with a handsome man. You couldn't help but feel giddy thinking about tonight.

You set the coffees down on a nearby table. Elijah's room was dim, only a small shaft of light peeking out from behind the curtains. He was curled up in the center of his large bed, his hair was disheveled and his lips were parted. The sheet was pooled around his hips, revealing his chiseled chest and toned arms.

He was beautiful, and you very much wanted to explore every bit of him. But he wouldn't allow it. He wouldn't allow himself to lose control. He had told you about his darkness, the red door, the place where he put all of the sins he couldn't live with.

When his control was frayed and his mind was weak, it would whisper to him, tempt him. Because there, in that space, he didn't have to feel guilt or pain. He was free. Free to do as he wished. He would be able to take you, claim you, love you the way his darker instincts screamed at him to.

You pulled off your sweater and boots, leaving you in just a mini dress and socks. You padded over to the bed and carefully slid under the covers, trying not to disturb him. You cuddled up next to him, your hand resting on his chest. You wished he would let you in, let you experience all of him, the good, the bad, the ugly. You loved him, and that meant loving everything about him.

Elijah had sensed your presence from the moment you entered his room, but he remained still, feigning sleep. His sweet little love, so utterly defenseless and vulnerable, alone in a vampire's bed. His fingers itched to touch you, to pull you into his embrace and never let you go. He could hear your heartbeat, steady and strong, could smell the sweet perfume you had dabbed behind your ears, and could feel the heat radiating off of your body. He was acutely aware of every aspect of you. It was hard not to give in to temptation, to pull you into his arms and kiss you until your lips were swollen and pink.

"Elijah," you said softly, in a sing-song voice. You brushed your fingers along his jaw, the stubble rough against your soft skin. He stirred slightly, pretending to wake.

"Hmm, good morning, love." He rasped, his voice heavy with sleep.

You kissed him softly, smiling into it. "Good morning. I brought us coffee."

He hummed, "That's perfect. Thank you, sweetheart."

"I can't wait for tonight." You sighed, tracing your fingers down his throat and along his collar bones.

Elijah was torn between letting his eyes flutter shut at the contact or watching your movements. You had him entranced.

"I can't either," he agreed. "You'll be the most beautiful woman there, I have no doubt."

You blushed at his compliment and kissed him again, your lips lingering against his. He groaned and rolled onto his side, bringing his hands up to cup your face, his thumbs stroking along your cheekbones. He let himself give in just a little, let the control slip a fraction. You gasped into the kiss as his tongue swept along the seam of your lips. Your lips parted, allowing him entry. You melted against him, your hand coming up to rest on his bicep.

His hands slid down your body, mapping every dip and curve, memorizing the feel of you. Your skin was like silk, your body supple and soft. You had a slight tremor, nervous, or maybe excited. He wasn't sure, but he loved how your breath hitched as he moved his hands lower and lower, until his palms were flat on your backside, his fingers flexing as he pulled you flush against him.

You hummed, a noise somewhere between a sigh and a moan. He drank it in, taking all of your little sounds and storing them in his memory. He rolled, pulling you with him so that you were under him. You moaned as he settled between your thighs, his weight a welcome comfort. He moved his mouth down, nipping at the skin of your throat and collarbone, careful not to let his fangs break the surface.

You tangled your fingers in his hair, pulling gently. You had fantasized about being with him in this way for so long, dreamed about how his body would feel pressed against yours, how his hands would feel on your bare skin. You didn't know what caused this shift in him, this sudden willingness to be intimate, but you were glad for it.

You tugged at the waistband of his boxers, trying to tell him what you wanted. You were not a shy person, you wanted to experience what it was like to be with such a powerful creature, to feel his strength and passion.

Elijah groaned and rocked his hips against yours, letting you feel how much he desired you. His control was slipping, and he didn't care. You wanted him, and he would have you. He leaned back to look at your beautiful face, wanting to etch this moment in his memory for all eternity. You were a vision, cheeks flushed and eyes dark with want.

Suddenly everything started to warp, your flushed skin turned cold, your warm eyes grew distant, and your heart slowed to a stop. His breath caught as a trickle of blood leaked from the corner of your mouth. He looked down at his hands and they were covered in your blood, the dark, rich liquid soaking the sheets and staining his skin.

"No, no, no, no, no." He chanted, trying to bring you back, willing the darkness to recede.

Your eyes were glassy, lifeless, bite marks all over your neck, your chest, your legs. You were covered in them, the evidence of his weakness, his inability to keep his desires in check.

Elijah threw himself from the bed, stumbling backwards. He clutched his head in his hands, a scream ripping from his throat. You were gone, dead, and it was his fault. He would never be able to look at your smiling face, never hear your soft laugh, or feel your lips on his again.

"Eli?" you said, stunned by his sudden departure. He was now across the room looking like a caged animal, his eyes wild and his hair a mess. You climbed out of the bed and slowly approached him. He looked like he was going to bolt, his muscles tense and his breath ragged.

"Are you alright?" you asked, reaching out to touch his arm.

"Don't!" he shouted, flinching away from your touch. "Don't touch me."

"Okay," you said, holding up your hands. "I won't."

He felt like he was losing his grip, the world was shifting around him, the ground threatening to give out beneath his feet. He felt like he was back there, back in that slaughterhouse that haunted him, the place that whispered his darkest desires, the place that taunted him with visions of what he truly was, no matter how much control he thought he had over it.

You reached out to him again, and he snapped. He grabbed your arm and pushed you against the wall, his eyes black and his fangs sharp. You gasped, but didn't struggle, trusting that he would never hurt you.

He released you at once, horrified by what he had done. He backed away, shaking his head. "No, no, no. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

He sank to his knees, his eyes wild and frantic.

"It's okay, Eli." You said, kneeling in front of him.

"You need to leave, please." He begged, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm not going anywhere." You said firmly, reaching out to touch him again. He tensed, his breath hitching as you made contact.

"LEAVE," he roared, his eyes flashing. You jerked your hand back, surprised by his outburst.

Elijah regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, he watched you run out of the room and all he wanted was to chase after you, but his pride and fear kept him rooted in place. He couldn't let you be around him, look at what he did? If he couldn't control himself in a moment of passion, what would happen if he really let go?

Elijah stood in front of his mirror, adjusting and readjusting his tie. His hair was combed and his suit was tailored perfectly. But none of it felt right, the buttons on his shirt were too tight, the cufflinks too heavy, the material of his suit too coarse. He needed it all to go away.

He felt like a monster. A monster wearing a man's skin.

Elijah closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could do this. He could get through this night. He didn't know if you were coming to the party, and he couldn't decide if he wanted you there or not. He hated the idea of you being away from him, but he also couldn't bear the thought of you seeing him like this, a man unraveling, barely keeping himself together.

He opened his eyes and forced himself to smile, but the sight was a mockery. His lips were pulled taut, and his teeth looked like daggers. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to tear down the entire city and start anew.

"Elijah! we are going to be late!" He heard Rebekah yell from the courtyard below.

"Be right there," he called, his voice hoarse. He gave himself one last look in the mirror before he walked out of the room and descended the stairs. He could see his siblings all gathered, dressed impeccably with their dates on their arms.

Klaus was talking with Camille, they were dressed in matching shades of blue. Freya and Keelin were standing close together, their hands entwined. Kol was whispering something in Davina's ear, making her laugh. Rebekah was on the phone with Marcel, telling him she was on her way. And Hayley was chatting with Jackson, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

"There you are." Freya said, noticing his presence. "Where is y/n? She was so excited about tonight."

The sound of your name made his chest ache, he was about to explain, or rather, come up with a plausible excuse when he heard a voice from behind him.

"I'm right here."

He turned around to see you walking down the stairs, dressed in an ornate black gown, matching his suit, your mask hanging in your hand.

"Y/n," he said, stunned by how beautiful you were.

You smiled slightly and approached him, your heels clicking on the stones. He took your hand, inspecting your arm. It was bruised and there were small scratches from where he had dug his nails into your skin. He brushed his fingers over the marks, regret and guilt filling him.

"It's fine," you said, squeezing his hand.

"No, it's not."

You leaned in and kissed him softly, the feeling of your lips on his caused him to relax a little. He kissed you back, the contact grounding him, reminding him why he needed to stay in control, for you.

"Let's go," Klaus said, gesturing for everyone to follow him out the door.

You took your mask and placed it on, the crimson filigree complimenting the dark silk of your gown. Elijah put on his mask, the bold design making his dark eyes stand out.

The group arrived at Marcel's penthouse, finding the place already crowded. People were drinking, dancing, and mingling. It was a lively atmosphere, filled with music and laughter.

"It's nice," you commented, holding Elijah's hand.

"It is," he agreed, looking around the room. "Shall we?"

He gestured to the dance floor and you nodded, taking his offered arm. He led you to the center of the room, where couples were already twirling and spinning.

"May I have this dance?" he asked, his voice low and seductive.

"You may," you answered, giving him a shy smile.

He took your hand and placed his other on your hip, guiding you through the steps. The two of you swayed to the music, moving gracefully.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his lips brushing your ear.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," you reassured him.

He wanted to argue, but you didn't give him a chance. You captured his lips in a kiss, the world around you melting away. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. The two of you stayed locked in the embrace, the music and the crowd fading into the background.

The two of you danced for a while, enjoying the feeling of being close to one another. The environment letting him relax a little. But when the music changed, becoming slow and sultry, his mind started to drift.

Elijah imagined pushing you against a wall, kissing your neck and leaving marks. He wanted to rip your dress off, and explore every inch of you. He wanted to bite you, to taste your blood. He wanted to claim you, to make you his.

He wanted to let go, to allow himself to give in. To experience the kind of pleasure and power that only came with a lack of control. But then he saw the blood again, the crimson of your mask, the ruby red of your lipstick, turned to the viscous liquid that both haunted and nourished him.

"What is it?" you asked, noticing the way his body tensed.

"Nothing," he said, his voice strained. "I just need a drink,"

He let go of you and headed to the bar, needing some strong alcohol to help calm his nerves. He ordered a scotch and downed it in one go, the liquid burning his throat. He ordered another, and another, until the world was pleasantly fuzzy and his thoughts were quiet.

"Mr. Mikaelson, so good to see you," a woman said, coming up to him.

"Madam," he replied, not looking up from his drink.

"How is business?" she asked, clearly wanting to engage in a conversation.

"Fine." He said shortly, hoping she would get the hint.

"The party is wonderful," she commented, sipping from a champagne flute, her mask was turquoise and silver, a few strands of her dark hair escaping her updo.

"Thank you, the decorations were my sister's doing," he replied, trying to be polite.

"Ah yes, your sister," the woman said, her eyes drifting over the crowd, landing on the blonde vampire. "She's almost as pretty as you," the woman added, a seductive smile on her lips.

"You're quite flattering, but I'm spoken for," Elijah told her, not unkindly.

The woman pouted. "So I heard, a human though? That must be...difficult," she said.

"How so?" He asked, not liking the direction the conversation was going.

"Humans are frail, their lives are fleeting," the woman replied, her hand coming to rest on his chest. He looked down at her hand touching him, her daylight ring a large sapphire. "And they are so easily broken," she added.

He clenched his jaw, trying not to let her words get to him. "That is why they are treasured," he replied, scanning the crowd in search for you.

"They are food. I thought an original vampire would know the difference," the woman grinned, enjoying getting a reaction out of him.

"Watch your tongue, Madam, or you might find it missing," he warned, his voice low and dangerous.

"Oh, feisty," the woman purred, her free hand went up and she ran her finger over the edge of his mask. "You could have any creature here, take them however you want. Break them in the best possible way," she purred, her pupils dilated.

"That's not how I operate, now if you will excuse me," he said, his anger starting to bubble.

"That's how you used to operate," the woman taunted, her fingers trailing over the buttons of his jacket. "I'm a little hurt that you don't recognize me," the woman pouted, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Should I?" He asked, trying to place her face.

"Paris, summer of 1783, you had me by the hair, bent over the side of a balcony, fucking me so hard that the cement cracked," she told him, licking her lips. "You were wild, rough, animalistic. And it was amazing," she breathed, her gaze unfocused as she remembered the night.

Elijah couldn't remember her, nor did he remember the event. It was amusing to him that this vampire thought she was special. She wasn't. He had bedded hundreds, maybe even thousands, of women. He only ever remembered the ones he loved.

"A shame you can't recall, I've thought about it many times over the years," she said.

He raised his eyebrows. "That's a bit pathetic," he said bluntly.

She laughed, not taking offense. "Perhaps, but the sex was fantastic, I can still feel your bite," she smiled, her eyes falling to his mouth.

Elijah shook his head. "My dear, I'm sure there are plenty of willing participants here, if you truly wish to relive the past, you'll have no trouble finding someone to assist," he said dismissively.

"I would prefer you," the woman said, her tone changing. "No one here matches your power, no one can fuck me like you did."

"Maybe try Niklaus, ask him to bite you," he smirked, watching as his brother and Camille were laughing together.

"Both of you dating humans, what a complete and utter waste," she said, her eyes flicking to you. "I bet I could make you forget all about her," she cooed, pressing herself closer to him.

You could see this vampire all over Elijah, touching him and speaking in his ear. You weaved through the crowd, wanting to put an end to it.

Elijah's attention turned from the woman, a smile spreading across his face as he saw you walking towards him.

"I'm going to have to politely decline, thank you." he said, reaching his hand out for yours.

"Come now, surely you could use some relief," the woman cooed, her hands trailing over his body, ignoring your presence completely.

You didn't quite know what came over you, but you reached up and gently slapped her hand away from him.

The vampire turned her attention to you, her eyes going to the bruising on your arm. She let out a laugh. "Oh my, perhaps I was wrong, looks like your little plaything can handle you," the woman mocked, a smirk on her lips.

"Don't," Elijah growled, not appreciating her words.

She just laughed and shrugged, turning her attention back to him. "If you change your mind, I'll be here all night." the vampire winked at him and walked away, joining another group.

Elijah let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

You gave Elijah a half-smile, hoping he wouldn't think you were stupid for hitting the vampire. She could have so easily crushed you, but you weren't afraid of her.

"Who was that?" you asked, annoyed by the exchange.

He shook his head. "An old lover, it seems," he told you, his lips pressed in a thin line.

"Oh," was all you said, sadness filling you. You weren't the overly jealous type, but knowing that vampire had Elijah in a way you hadn't made you envious and sad.

Elijah saw the change in your demeanor and realized he had not answered the question right. You misunderstood him.

"Not a recent lover," he explained. "It was a very long time ago, and I do not remember the night," he assured you, his hand cupping your cheek.

You sighed, his touch instantly easing the tension in your body.

He pulled you close, his arm wrapping around your waist. "That was very brave of you, that could have ended very badly" he said softly in your ear.

Your hands went to his shoulders, clinging to his jacket, the material warm from his body. "You make me feel brave, you make me feel safe," you murmured.

His heart constricted. He didn't deserve your faith or your trust. The bruise on your arm was proof enough of that. He should let you go, make you hate him and walk away from you before you get hurt anymore, but he couldn't. Not while you were looking up at him with all that trust and affection in your eyes. He loved you far too much to give up.

He leaned in and kissed you, the familiar spark of electricity passing between you. He deepened the kiss, his hand cupping the back of your neck. He was pouring everything he felt for you into it, hoping you could feel the depths of his love and devotion.

You returned the kiss, trying to convey all the things you couldn't say. You broke apart, panting slightly. He rested his forehead against yours, his eyes closed.

"Eli, I was hoping that we could...," you trailed off, biting your lip.

"What?" he asked, his eyes fluttering open.

"I want us to...you know," you whispered.

His eyes darkened, hunger and need filled him. All of the work he had done to push away his urges, to protect you, had unraveled in an instant. Now all he could focus on was the vision of your body beneath his, the feeling of skin against skin. The blood flowing through your veins singing a song to him that he could not deny, at least, not completely.

He pulled you a little closer, swaying you to the music playing, his other hand gripping your hip possessively. You watched his pupils dilate, saw the tension in his jaw and the bob of his Adam's apple.

"Not tonight," he murmured, trying his hardest to hide how much he wanted you, how much it would hurt to reject you again.

Your fingers curled around the lapels of his suit jacket, tugging on it a little harder than you meant to. He never wanted to give in, to allow himself a taste of pleasure. Even with his walls down, Elijah could never truly give himself to you completely.

His hands went to yours, prying your fingers from his jacket, his eyes dark and dangerous. "You do not understand how difficult it is," he hissed.

You pulled against his grip, anger bubbling up. "So, help me understand," you said in a soft tone, ignoring the fact that you were arguing in a room full of people and that you were both gripping each other hard enough to bruise.

"It feels like..." you started, shaking your head a little, "like, I am not enough. Do you not want me? Or have you realized that you need more and I cannot provide that to you?" You finished in a small voice.

His grip on your hands tightened, a warning look flashing in his eyes. "You are more than enough," he whispered, his eyes softening.

You took a steadying breath. "Then. Please. Fuck. Me," you said bluntly.

Elijah let go of you as if you had burned him. Your words cut him deeply.

You let out a frustrated sigh, his rejection stinging. "I... I'm going to go home," you said, blinking back tears.

He went to grab you but you moved out of his reach, his fingers barely grazing your arm. He watched you leave, his eyes following your figure until it disappeared into the crowd.

It was in that moment that he knew he had to make a decision, either he could keep trying to be gentle with you and risk losing you or he could give in and have you completely, but at the cost of hurting you.

Elijah drained his drink and placed the empty glass on the bar, his mind made up. He followed you, moving so fast that no one saw him leave.

You were upset, your feelings a tangled mess, waiting in a quiet hallway for the elevator to arrive. Your eyes were glazed with tears, your breathing shaky. You didn't know what to do, and you didn't know what you wanted from him.

You were lost in thought when the elevator dinged, announcing its arrival, but before the doors opened, hands were on your waist and you were pressed against the wall. His lips were on yours, hungry and demanding. You gasped and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue exploring your mouth.

You melted into his touch, your fingers tangling in his hair. His hands were on your thighs, lifting you up and pushing your dress higher.

You wrapped your legs around him, pressing your body against his. The heat between you erupting, causing a soft moan to escape your lips.

He broke the kiss, his mouth going to your neck, leaving a trail of kisses and bites. His hands were on your hips, pulling your body closer. He was rough and urgent, his nails digging into your skin. You gasped, arching into him, needing to feel more.

"You want me to fuck you?" he whispered in your ear, his voice low and husky. "I will," he promised, his lips ghosting over yours.

You clung to him, giving yourself over to the moment. He lifted you off the ground and carried you to the elevator. The doors slid open and he stepped inside, pressing you against the wall. His hands were all over your body, touching and teasing.

You were so caught up in his touch that you didn't notice the doors closing, trapping the two of you alone. He punched the panel, making the elevator come to a jerking stop. He kissed you, his hands finding their way under your dress, pushing the fabric out of the way.

He gripped your hips, grinding against you. The intensity and desperation in his touch was new, making your head spin. You wanted more, needed more. You moaned, the sound echoing off the walls. He groaned, his fingers digging into your skin.

He pushed your panties aside, sliding a finger into your wet heat. You gasped, arching into him. He pumped his finger in and out of you, curling it inside of you. He added a second finger, his thumb rubbing circles around your clit.

He groaned, the feeling of you tightening around him almost too much, his lips brushing your ear. "I want to hear you say my name when I make you come," he whispered, his hot breath tickling your skin.

All you could do was nod, your cheeks flushed and your eyes closed, it was all happening so fast and you couldn't get enough of it. He pressed his lips to your neck, nipping at your skin. He added a third finger, the heel of his palm pressing against your clit.

Your eyebrows arched, locking eyes with him, your mouth open and your hands clutching his jacket. The pressure was building and you felt like you were going to explode. You gasped, his fingers pumping in and out of you.

"Elijah," you said his name breathlessly.

"That's it," he encouraged, pulling on your earlobe with his teeth. "Say my name," he ordered.

"Elijah," you moaned, the pressure coiling tighter.

"Again," he demanded, his hand speeding up.

"Elijah," his name fell from your lips, your release crashing through you.

Your eyes slammed shut, your head thrown back, the muscles in your neck straining. You were trembling, a sheen of sweat coating your skin. He slowly withdrew his fingers, placing gentle kisses along your neck and jaw. You could feel his fangs graze your skin.

He was so hard, you could feel his erection pressing against you. You shifted your weight, trying to gain some friction, but he pulled away, his hands on your hips, pinning you in place.

You opened your eyes, looking at his face, his eyes completely black, the veins under them moving, his mouth open slightly, showing his fangs. You felt fear, but not the type of fear that made you want to run, but the kind of fear that sent a thrill through your body, the kind that made you crave danger.

You lightly traced your fingers over the veins, a smile on your lips. His chest rising and falling rapidly. You ran your finger over his lower lip, and he leaned in, his fangs scraping the pad of your finger. You could feel the sharp tips. He was so dangerous, so lethal, a perfect predator, yet here you were, trapped and wanting nothing more than to have him consume you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He pressed his body against yours, his erection grinding against you. You moaned, reaching between you, your fingers deftly working the button and zipper of his trousers. You tugged his boxers down, his hard cock springing free. You wrapped your fingers around him, stroking him.

"Fuck," he growled, his hips bucking, seeking more of your touch.

You tightened your grip, stroking him faster, twisting your wrist a little. He groaned, his hands on your thighs, his eyes hooded and his mouth parted slightly.

You released him and wrapped your arms back around his neck, grinding yourself against him. He growled, his hands cupping your ass, lifting you. You used the wall for support and wrapped your legs around him, angling yourself just right. You cried out as he pressed inside, stretching and filling you.

His breath was hot against your neck. "That's my girl," he said softly.

He paused a moment, giving you time to adjust. Then he started to thrust, his rhythm slow and measured, watching the way your expression changed as he fucked you. You moaned, your legs tightening around him, your ankles locking together, trying to pull him closer.

He pumped his hips, burying himself deep inside you. You tilted your head back, exposing the soft flesh of your neck.

It took every bit of control he had not to give in and bite you. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, feeling your blood pump just below the surface of your skin. His hips snapped harder, driving into you, focused on fucking you, on drawing more delicious moans and whimpers from sweet lips.

The coil within you grew tighter, the pressure increasing with every movement of his hips. You clung to his jacket, needing something to anchor you, feeling as if you were spinning out of control. He grunted with each thrust, the sound of skin against skin almost drowned out by the blood pumping furiously in your ears.

His eyes never left yours, a predatory look crossing his features, his fingers gripping the swell of your ass, pounding into you with incredible force, your head hitting the wall with each powerful thrust.

It was intense and consuming and you couldn't get enough of him, and neither could he.

You lost track of how many times you'd come, all you knew was the sweet, aching tension was building again and you didn't know if you could handle another. He held you so tight, your body pressed so close to his, his fangs threatening to pierce the delicate skin of your neck. You couldn't stop, you didn't want it to stop.

Then his rhythm faltered, his breathing becoming labored, his hips pumping furiously. He needed a release. It had been a while since he'd experienced such raw, carnal lust.

He could no longer keep himself from drinking from you, he'd waited too long, denied his primal urges. With a snarl, he sunk his fangs into the side of your neck. A guttural cry fell from your lips, your back arching as you came undone, the sudden pain mixed with the pleasure so intense, you felt your vision darkening as you blacked out.

Elijah gripped your thighs, his lips pulling blood from your body, sending your pulse racing, your blood so hot and sweet that he thought he would combust. He let himself go, cumming deep inside of you, your blood in his mouth, the sweetness coating his tongue and rushing into his system. Your body went limp in his arms, your heartbeat slowing.

Sudden panic consumed him, what had he done? The guilt and fear crashed over him in waves. You looked so pale, you were dying in his arms and it was his fault. The rage and self-hatred he had tried so hard to keep in check ripped through him, his true nature unleashed.

But then you opened your eyes, smiling at him dreamily and something inside of him snapped back into place.

Elijah chuckled, still inside of you. He grinned, the edges of his lips curving upwards. He kissed you softly, reverently.

"Holy fuck Elijah," you chuckled, panting slightly, your heart beating erratically, but you felt alive and amazing, and loved.

"You scared me for a moment," he confessed, resting his forehead against yours.

"That was.. You are..," you struggled for words. "Just wow," you laughed.

You held on to him, wrapping your arms around him, burying your face in the crook of his neck. He wrapped an arm around you, supporting you, the other stroking the side of your head. You breathed him in, savoring the moment, never wanting it to end. He smiled, nuzzling your cheek, his nose rubbing against your skin.

"Let's go home, I want you all to myself," you murmured, kissing his neck, the taste of him filling you.

He chuckled, his voice a deep rumble. "As you wish."

"We have a lot of catching up to do," you grinned, thinking of all the things you were going to do to him.

Elijah chuckled. "My sweet girl," he murmured, kissing you gently.

The elevator rattled, the emergency lights coming on. Elijah pulled away from you, adjusting your dress, smoothing the fabric. He zipped and buttoned his trousers, straightening his clothes. The panel was broken, slight electrical sparks coming from the metal. Elijah gripped the doors, forcing them open. He stepped out and helped you down. You smoothed your dress, looking at him shyly. He grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers, leading you out of the building.

"I like it when you lose control, perhaps that was the solution all along," you teased, walking along the street, your fingers intertwined with his.

Elijah laughed. "Perhaps, my darling, you may be right."

And with that, he swept you off your feet and into his arms, carrying you out into the night.

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[startwelve]

💌romantic scene

Eddie Munson x shyfem!reader

Synopsis: You and Eddie are having a movie night and without knowing it, you chose an adult romance movie.

Warning: Only mention of moaning and suggestion of what the protagonists of the movie you and Eddie watch are doing.

Eddie was waiting for you outside his trailer, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. You were taking longer than expected for your movie night. Then you showed up, walking tiredly and somewhat breathless.

"Hey, why did you take so long?" Eddie asked.

"I'm sorry," you apologized quickly.

"I'm sorry won't cut it this time, princess. I was really worried, what if you had an accident? What if some psycho stalker was looking for you?" he said semi-jokingly, crossing his arms with a raised eyebrow.

"My lip balm ran out, so I had to go to the pharmacy to buy another one," you confessed.

Your confession puzzled him; he couldn't believe you had been delayed because of lip balm. And he wouldn't understand why you needed to have that lip balm with you.

"An emergency with lip balm? Are you kidding, princess?" he asked, obviously not believing a word.

"I'm sorry…"

"I've been waiting for hours, and you were late because of your stupid lip balm?" he said, rolling his eyes before stepping aside and opening the door to let you in. "Anyway, come on, it's movie night."

"It's not a stupid lip balm, it's what helps me stay alive every day," you commented as you entered his trailer.

Eddie rolled his eyes and sat on the couch next to you. He remembered your little obsession with lip balms. He chuckled with a smile.

"Alright, maybe your lipstick helps you feel pretty, but saying it gives you life is a bit dramatic."

You frowned, remembering that he loved something as much as you loved your lip balms.

"What would happen to you if your guitar broke right now?"

Eddie raised his eyebrows, and his smile faded slightly. He crossed his arms and looked away. His guitar was very important to him.

"Don't joke about my guitar. It's not the same at all."

"If you say so…"

"It's not the same at all. You can live without your precious lip balm."

Now you crossed your arms.

"No! Because if I don't use my lip balm anymore, my lips will end up as dry and ugly as my grandma's."

Eddie couldn't believe you were arguing over lip balm.

"Anyway, let's watch the movie. What do you want to watch? Horror, action, or romance?"

"Romance…"

Eddie preferred a horror movie. Romance movies made him sick, especially the ones you chose. Eddie's eyebrow raised, and a smile appeared on his lips. He knew what you were doing.

"You want to watch romance? A silly chick flick?"

"Yes, I brought one," you said eagerly and searched your bag for the cassette; the movie was very sugary and sweet.

Eddie groaned.

"Can we watch horror or action? I don't want to watch a cheesy romantic movie."

"You didn't want to watch a horror movie last time; you couldn't sleep well for two weeks," you reminded him. "Fine, fine. We'll watch your little cheesy romantic movie. Are you happy?" he said in an exaggerated tone and raised his hands in a gesture of submission.

"Yes," you replied triumphantly.

Eddie groaned.

"Whatever you say, princess," he said and shook his head. "So, what kind of romantic movie are we watching?" It was the typical cliché of a love triangle between a good girl, a popular guy, and a lonely, marginalized guy. "Oh, so a typical romantic story?"

"I think so."

Eddie rolled his eyes and walked to the TV. He grabbed the remote and turned it on before turning to you.

"So, who do you think she'll choose in the end?"

"Mmm, she always chooses the one who treats her best…"

The movie started, and you watched it. The movie was absolutely sweet, and Eddie was getting bored watching it, almost falling asleep. But you were fascinated by the movie. Until you were horrified when, in the middle of the movie, the popular guy took the protagonist to his dressing room to kiss her, and Eddie started laughing at your expression. He sat down and watched, his lips curving into a smile.

"That's it! We've reached the kissing scene. I bet the loner will swoop in and give her the best kiss, and she'll realize who the real man for her is."

Eddie covered his mouth to suppress a laugh.

"But, Eddie, there's more going on than…" you couldn't finish speaking because of a moan from the protagonist.

Your eyes widened when you heard the sound of the moan; it was unexpected. He looked at you and saw that you were as surprised as he was.

"Well, that's surprising, a scene of true love in a romantic movie? I never would have imagined it."

You grabbed the cassette cover to read it better; you had bought it because you found the cover romantic, and the guy at the counter had told you it was a very good movie. Now you understood why… Down on the left in small letters, it said "+18".

Eddie was laughing out loud at this point. This is quite amusing. No wonder he had no idea a romantic movie could be so explicit. Eddie couldn't stop laughing. He looked at her and noticed how uncomfortable she was.

"Wow, it's even affecting me. I can't believe they put this scene in a romantic movie. Are you okay, princess?"

"Take out the movie, Eddie, I don't want to watch it anymore."

Eddie smiled and got up.

"Okay, princess. I guess the movie was too hot for you to handle."

He walked to the VCR and took out the cassette.

"Why do you say that?"

Eddie laughed again.

"Well, it was pretty obvious that you felt uncomfortable with the love scene. I guess you've never seen anything like it before."

"Never," you confessed with embarrassment.

He raised an eyebrow. It was good to know she was a little inexperienced. It made her even more adorable and cute.

"Really? The way you blushed made me think you had quite a rude awakening with that scene."

"I, umm, yeah," you lied.

Eddie laughed.

"Your cheeks are still a bit red. It's

very cute…"

He still couldn't believe you blushed so much because of a scene like that. "What a protected princess," Eddie thought.

"You?," you asked in a timid whisper.

Eddie arched an eyebrow and gave you a mischievous smile.

"What about me?"

"For you, for you, for you, I mean, umm, did the scene affect you?"

He laughed, finding you adorable.

"Well, I was a bit surprised too. I didn't expect a romantic movie to be so, let's say, realistic. But I didn't blush or anything."

"No?"

Eddie laughed again.

"No."

Of course, your reaction was more adorable than he could ever be. Especially when you're so nervous. He likes this side of you. The innocent side. It's more fitting. He thought it would be fun to start teasing you more for being a protected princess.

"Oh, really?"

Eddie smiled. You were even more flushed now. This was starting to seem more like flirting than just a joke.

"Yes, I didn't blush like you."

You looked at your hands, which were nervously playing with your skirt, then at the TV, and then at Eddie, searching for the words to ask him a question.

"You, you, you know, not, umm…"

"Do I know what?" Eddie asked, with a slightly raised eyebrow.

He found it cute how you kept looking down or away every time you asked something.

You took a deep breath and asked quickly.

"Have you ever done it?"

Eddie froze for a second. "Did she just ask what I think she asked? Why is she blushing even more?" Eddie thought.

"Done what?"

"What they did in the movie," you whispered.

Eddie laughed again and shook his head.

"Oh, do you mean something like this?" His lips quickly approached your face, causing his breath to caress your small, soft lips. You jumped in surprise, and a small scream escaped your lips. Eddie immediately jumped back, startled by your reaction.

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you."

You covered your mouth with your hand in surprise; you just didn't expect him to do that.

"I didn't expect it."

"Oh, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. You're being so cute right now," Eddie said with a mischievous smile.

You had only been kissed once in high school, by a guy in the courtyard. You didn't like it. His breath smelled like fish, he used too much saliva, and his tongue almost choked you. And when you confessed to Eddie that you had only been kissed once, he couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe you were so inexperienced and hadn't kissed someone more than once. So he decided to keep teasing you.

"Only once? Well, then I guess I should show you the real deal. Would you like that, princess?"

Your cheeks flushed; you wanted to.

Eddie laughed. The teasing was working. Eddie got up and knelt beside you. He extended a hand and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. He got very close to your face. Your breath caught in your throat, and you opened your eyes in surprise. Eddie's lips were only inches away from yours, and you could feel his warm breath brushing against your lips. The scent of his cologne filled your nose; it was a perfect blend of citrus and lavender. He brushed your cheek with his other hand. It sent a shiver down your spine.

"Are you okay there, princess?" he joked. "Is it okay if I continue? Or do you prefer we wait?"

You couldn't speak; the words wouldn't come out. "Oh, this is adorable. I think I should do it," Eddie thought to himself. His hand still tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. His thumb gently stroked your cheek. His lips were so close that you could feel his breath against your lips. With one hand, he cradled your face. You sighed nervously.

"I like that you're so quiet, princess. It makes me want to kiss you more than before." He leaned in slowly, moving his lips very slowly towards yours.

Eddie's lips brushed gently against yours, and you felt his breath filling your lungs. It was soft and warm. He pulled away and looked into your eyes. He had just given you your first real kiss. Eddie's hand was under your chin as he held your face, looking into your eyes, waiting for your response.

"You kissed me," you whispered.

Eddie smiled.

"Yes, I kissed you."

You didn't know what to say; you just wanted him to kiss you again. Eddie leaned in a little more, and then his lips met yours again. This time it was more intense, with more passion than before. You didn't want to break the kiss and waited for you to pull away first. Eddie noticed that you had no idea what you were doing with your lips, so he took the lead. He moved his hands to the back of your head and pulled you a little closer to the kiss. His tongue gently met yours, and his lips moved in sync with yours. Eddie's thumb stroked your cheek, and he felt excited thinking to himself. He continued kissing you intensely. His lips pressed harder against yours, and you could feel his breath in your throat. His tongue explored your mouth, making it a more intimate and passionate moment. Slowly, you pulled away from him, feeling overwhelmed by the kiss.

Eddie let go of your face and sat back down. He hoped you weren't too upset now that he had stopped. Eddie watched you breathe and saw that your face was flushed. You were acting very shy now. And he wondered how you felt about how he kissed you.

"So, princess, did you like my kiss?"

"Yes," you whispered.

"So, is that a yes for me to kiss you again?" He leaned in very slowly, moving his lips closer to yours.

You nodded your head. Eddie leaned in again, this time seeking a less intense kiss. It was softer than a passionate kiss. His hands held you by the cheeks. His tongue touched yours gently. He continued to smile to himself as he kissed her.

[thehusbandoden]

You Flinch During an Argument -Amajiki Tamaki

A/n: so sorry this took so long! I had a good thing going but my power went out and it got erased </3

I do think this one's better though. Technically this is the third legitimate try <33

Edit: I'm trying out a new format for my info.. is it better or worse O.o

General info:

Wc: 1,176 words | angst to fluff/comfort | Character/s: Tamaki Amajiki

Warnings!: loneliness, snapping, flinching, a little bit of crying. Please let me know if I miss any! <3

Dabi | Hawks | Todoroki Shoto | Bakugo Katsuki | Midoriya Izuku | Shigaraki Tomura | Aizawa Shota | Amajiki Tamaki | Kirishima Eijiro | Shinso Hitoshi

The night was cold as you sleepily flipped through your journal, not wanting to write but knowing you should. The entries from the last three months have been short and filled with a dull ache of lonliness. They lacked the usual length and warmth you poured into the pages, ranting on about how sweet your timid Tamaki is and how much you adore him and his ever lasting warmth.

The rambling would go on and on, but now you wrote a paragraph or two about how your life has been 'fine' and that Tamaki has been super busy- if you wrote at all.

There was one or two that held multiple paragraphs of your frustration and not knowing who to blame- knowing that it wasn't Tamaki's fault that there weren't enough heroes to protect the innocent of your large city.

Tamaki was doing his best to protect the defenseless, and you admired that- but the dull ache that sat in the pit of your stomache couldn't go ignored much longer.

Sighing, you closed your journal, standing up from your desk to head to the living room, deciding to talk to Tamaki tonight.

~~

Four hours later Tamaki walked through the front door, tall form drained from exhaustion as he made his way inside, already stripping off his hero gear.

"Tama?" You call, poking your head out from the living room to sadly smile at your Tamaki.

"Oh. Hey y/n." Tamaki yawned, dropping both his cape and mask onto the floor as he dragged his feet towards your room, tossing his belt onto the kitchen table before moving onto taking off his gear further.

"Wait, Tamaki!" You call, stopping at the bottom of the stairs as Tamaki paused, looking back at you.

"Yes bunny?"

"Ummm.. can we talk?" You ask, smiling at the nickname Tamaki gave you the first week into your marriage- though he later admitted that he thought of it when you two were simply friends but was too shy up until that point-.

"Baby, I'm really tired.. is it important?"

"Yes.. it'll only take five to ten mintues."

"Okay baby, where do you want to talk?" Tamaki yawned.

"How about the living room? I can give you a shoulder massage while we talk if you like." You smile, causing Tamaki's eyes to shine as he smiled down at you.

"I'd like that."

~

After you were both situated you started by squirting some lotion on your hands before spreading it onto Tamaki's left shoulder, immediately noticing his many knots.

"Okay bunny, what did you want to talk about?"

"Oh.. so I know that you're working really hard and are really tired.. and I also know that we haven't had us time in a while.. so I was wondering if you could take a day or two off? Not much, just a day or two would be fine."

Tamaki was silent as you bit your lip in anticipation, hoping you didn't upset him somehow.

"Y/n.. are you serious?"

"Y-yes?"

"Do you know how many people might be dying right now? I can't just laze about spending time with you because you're feeling lonely. Why don't you go hang out with some friends?"

"T-that's not the same.."

"How so?"

"I want to spend time with you Tamaki. You know, my husband?" You scoff, starting to get annoyed.

"And I want to spend time saving people y/n, why don't you stop being sensitve and start thinking about other people?"

"But I've been holding my feelings back for months! Please! I'm just asking for a day- even a few hours is fine!"

"Y/n. No. Now if you're done I'd like to get to bed."

Jerking his shoulder away from your touch, Tamaki started standing up.

"But wait Tama-"

"No. I'm disappointed in your selfishness y/n."

"Wai-"

"Stop."

"Pl-"

"I said stop!" Tamaki hissed, turning around to face you within a second.

At the sudden movement and change of tone you flinched back, tears gathering in your eyes as you stared up at Tamaki, eyes wide.

As Tamaki glared down at you he froze as you flinched, heart immediately breaking as he saw the tears in the corners of your eyes.

"Y-y-y/n I-"

"I-it's okay Tamaki.. you don't need to say anything. I get it. I-I'll just go to bed now."

"B-but y-y/n.." Tamaki whimpered, guilt consuming him as he watched you walk away.

"Y-y/n.. I'm sorry.."

~

You quickly got in bed after hurrying up the stairs, wiping at your eyes as you clung to your pillow, staying as far away from Tamaki's side as possible.

~~

You awoke the next morning to the sun shining in your eyes.

Wincing, you turned around to feel for Tamaki, forgetting all about last night and the dreadful few months.

After feeling how cold Tamaki's side of the bed you sighed, memories coming to you in flashes as you stared at his side of the bed.

Wiping away the stray tears, you got out to get ready for a day worse than the one yesterday.

After getting dressed you made your way down stairs, deciding to get on top of your piling to-do list to help get your mind off of Tamaki.

Stepping into the kitchen, you stepped back at the sight of a lavish breakfast filled with all of your favorites spread across the newly cleaned kitchen table.

"T-Tamaki.." you whimper, looking at your beloved with tearful eyes as he guilty studied you with his indigo orbs.

"Y-y/n I-"

You interrupted Tamaki as you rushed into his arms, clutching the back of his shirt, desperate for comfort from the man you've grown to adore.

"Y/n I- I'm so so sorry." Tamaki mumbled, burying his face into your hair to mask the tears falling from his eyes.

"I forgive you Tamaki, I know you were just over worked and didn't mean to take it out on me."

"I promise you- I really didn't me an to, a-and I feel terrible about it."

"Shhh it's okay baby.. I already forgave you. We just need to reflect on what we did wrong tonight and make sure not to do it in the future. Next time, I'll wait until you're less exhausted, and you'll make sure to remind me that you're too tired, mkay?"

"O-okay.."

"Now baby.. why are you home? Don't you have work?"

"Nope, I took the next two weeks and a half off. I know that it won't make up for the months of loneliness, but I'll try to be better, I"ll take less shifts and make sure to only leave for emergencies when I'm off the clock.

"Alright, that's a good start."

"I may need today and possibly tomorrow to sleep.. but I cleaned the entire house -besides our room- and looked at your to- do list and did a few of the bigger things on there.. oh and I made us breakfast.."

"Tamaki. I love you. So, so much."

"I love you too bunny. I'm really rea-"

"Shh, I already said I forgive you. Now, let's eat!"

~~~

Series' masterlist | Tamaki's masterlist | Navigation

Tips <3

Reblogs help spread and support my work, therefore they help me immensely but any support is appreciated <33

Do not copy, repost, nor plagiarize my work. Ask before you translate or use my work in any way minus reblogging.

[girlgenius1111]

who could stay?

alexia x r

r is struggling with her anxiety. Alexia wants nothing more than to help. Will r let her?

CW for panic attacks / general depictions of anxiety.

Alexia knew something was up with you. Recently, you'd been attached at the hip to her. This wasn't something she minded, not at all, it was just quite out of character for you. You'd responded to her attempts to figure out what was wrong with tight lipped smiles, and clear lies that you were fine. You looked exhausted, which she didn't understand. You spent most nights at her apartment, and there was no indication that you weren't sleeping, yet the bags under your eyes only darkened. You made no indication that you wanted to speak to her about what was wrong, but luckily, she caught you getting out of bed one night.

Alright, she didn't catch you getting out of bed, but she rolled over, half asleep, looking for you to snuggle up against, eyes snapping open when she found your side of the bed empty. Still warm, but empty. She was instantly awake, and worried. She first looked to the bathroom, but the light was off, the door ajar. There was no light flowing in from the hallway, but she headed that way anyway, not sure where else you would be.

Entering the living room, she could just barely make you out on the couch, head in your hands, body seemingly shuddering with every breath.

"Amor?" she called softly, flicking on the light as she did so. Your head snapped up, wild eyes meeting hers. Your eyes were red, and tear tracks stained your cheeks. Alexia moved to your side quickly, crouching down in front of you. "Hey, amor, what is wrong?"

"No-nothing. I'm fine. Go ba-back to sleep, Ale," you gasped out. Alexia frowned in response, making no move to do as you said.

"Mi vida, why are you out here? Why did you not wake me?" Alexia was confused. She'd seemed to have found the root of why you looked so exhausted, but she still wasn't sure why she found you crying, by yourself on the living room couch, in the middle of the night.

You were quickly losing the ability to speak, though, something that Alexia picked up on. "What can I do?" she asked, begged really. She hated seeing you like this, hated not being able to help. In response, having clearly given up on trying to force her to go to bed, you gripped onto her forearm, your desire obvious. She moved up onto the couch, pulling you securely into her chest. Your ear was pressed right over her heart, and you tried to calm down, listening to the steady beats.

"Shh, you are okay, bonita, I've got you," Alexia soothed, and you tried to focus on her words. You were okay. You were safe. You were with Alexia. You were clinging onto her quite hard, and she held you with equal force. "Breath for me, amorcita, in and out, just like that."

Alexia's voice was comforting, and she talked you through the worst of the panic attack, only pulling away once you're breathing was almost normal.

"Thank you," you told her, eyes downcast.

"Of course," she paused, not really sure what to ask first. "How long has this been going on?"

"Only a week," you replied, and Alexia sighed in response.

"A week of waking in the middle of the night like this, and you did not get me once?"

"I didn't want to bother you, Ale,"

"You are not capable of bothering me," the midfielder argued, but she took a breath, not wanting to get frustrated when you were clearly still so upset. "Is something causing it?"

You stayed silent.

"Amorcita, please let me in. I want to help, I do not like seeing you so upset," Alexia begged.

"I stopped taking my anxiety medication," you admitted.

"Porque?" Alexia questions, looking stunned. You shrug. "Porque, amor?" Alexia asks again.

"I don't like relying on it. It messes with my mood, and I just don't want it anymore, I don't need it."

"Clearly, you do need it. There is nothing wrong with needing to take something for your anxiety, y/n." Alexia states, trying to keep her voice even. "Did you talk to your doctor about going off?"

"No," you reply, voice small.

"Amor, come on. That is not safe,"

"It's fine, Alexia, please just leave it," you respond, trying to sound firmer than you felt.

"No, I will not. I care about you, and I do not like it when you are unkind to yourself. You deserve to feel good everyday, and if medication helps you feel that, then you should take it. You are going to talk to your doctor, go back on your meds, and if you want to change something with them, you will do it under the supervision of a medical professional. Entiendes?"

"Si," you respond quietly, and Alexia is surprised at how quickly you give up. Your dropping eyes tell her why, though, and she drops her stern attitude.

"Venga, mi vida, let's go back to bed." You allow her to guide you back into bed, but clearly, you you think she's still mad at you, because you lay on the edge of your side of the bed, as far from her as you could get. You feel her pull on your shirt, and you turn, eyes watery. Alexia is laying facing you, arms open, a soft look on her face, and you waste no time scooting over into her warm embrace.

"I want you to talk to me, mi amor. When you are anxious, I want you to tell me, so I can help," Alexia whispers into your hair.

"I hate bothering you."

"Listen to me, por favor. You could never bother me, especially not when you're sharing your feelings with me. Vale?"

"Okay." You allow, after considering for a minute.

"Do you think you can go to sleep?"

You shrug. "I'm still kind of anxious," you mumble. Alexia presses a kiss into your hair, sliding her hand under your shirt, and beginning to run her nails up and down your back. She feels you relax more against her.

"There you go, amor. Just focus on the feeling of my hand on you. Everything is okay," she promises.

"Love you," you murmur, words almost lost in the fabric of her shirt.

"Te amo mucho, bonita." Alexia responds, only letting herself fall asleep once she was sure you had first.

-----

The first time you do as Alexia asked, and tell her when you're feeling anxious, is only a few days later. You're back on your medication, having met with your psychiatrist, who agreed to look into other options, so long as you went back on the current one for now. It was still an adjustment, though, and you were still significantly more anxious than normal. Alexia had taken to holding you tight against her while you both slept, which had worked in 2 ways. You hadn't woken up having a panic attack, and even if you had, you wouldn't have been able to slip out of bed without her noticing.

You've both returned from practice, and Alexia is in the kitchen, making a snack, when you decide that you are feeling to uneasy to sit and wait for her. Being in physical contact with her was one of the only things that was always successful in calming you down. Entering the kitchen, you quietly pad over to Alexia, wrapping your arms around her abdomen, and resting your head against her back. She stills her movements, cutting up strawberries, and puts the knife down, placing her hands over yours.

"Hola," she says quietly.

"Hi," you respond, voice shakier than you would have preferred.

"Everything okay?" she asks carefully, aware that it is not, but wanting you to come to her.

"No," you say. You mean to follow it up with something else, but your throat feels tight, as you swallow back tears, and you can't get another word out. Alexia doesn't need more, though, turning around and holding you tight against her chest, swaying you both back and forth lightly. You let out a shaky breath, feeling yourself already calming slightly.

"Thank you for telling me," Alexia says, aware of what a big step that simple word had been for you. "Can I do anything?"

"I don’t know," you admit, words dripping with vulnerability.

“That is okay. I’ve got you." She reassures, guiding your head away from her neck, and pressing her forehead to hers. Your eyes flutter shut, and you sigh. After a few moments, you pull away, feeling somewhat calmer. You only make it as far as Alexia’s arms allow, as she isn’t letting go.

“Make your snack, Ale,” you instruct, but she simply shakes her head, manhandling you into the position she wants you in. Once she has you stood in front of her, arms wrapped around her body, she resumes her snack preparations, looking over your shoulder as she cuts the fruit.

You chuckle lightly into her at her ridiculousness, but she ignores you, not letting you move from your spot nestled against her.

“We’re becoming that couple, Alexia. The annoyingly clingy couple.”

“No me importa. I like you clingy.” She declares, shuffling the both of you across the kitchen to put the strawberries back in the fridge. By the time she’s put the snack in a bowl, not letting you even an inch away from her, you’re both laughing.

Finally, she lets you go, smiling triumphantly at your significantly more relaxed behavior. She places a strawberry piece into your mouth, pecking your lips lightly.

“Better?”

“Yeah. So much better.” You promise, returning her soft smile.

“Bueno!” She replies, before taking the bowl in one large hand, and scooping you up and over her shoulder in the other. Her strength impresses you, but still, you squirm slightly as she carries you into the living room towards the couch.

“Alexia!! You’re being absurd” you laugh, and she playfully smacks your ass with the hand holding onto you. “Alexia Putellas Segura, put me down!”

Arriving at the couch, she tosses you easily down, and you bounce slightly. She’s looking down at you with a smirk, and you can’t help your lips tugging into a matching one. Just when you think she’s going to be normal again, she sprawls herself on top of you, larger body enveloping yours, as she shifts around making herself comfortable.

“No room for you to be anxious now, amor.” She says matter of factly, and you wrap your arms around her. It sounds absurd, but really, she’s right. Her weight on you is the perfect amount of pressure, and the smell of her perfume invading your senses slows your heartbeat easily.

Alexia reaches over to the table grabbing both the remote and bowl in her hand, making her intention to not get off of you clear.

“I like you clingy too.” You mumble, and the blonde offers you another strawberry. Your hands busy holding onto her, so you open your mouth, rolling your eyes, as she places it carefully in your mouth. You aren’t annoyed, not at all. You didn’t know what you needed before, but Alexia did. She always did.

----

The next time you ask Alexia for help, it’s a much bigger hit to your pride. You’ve just gotten into a fight, which ended with Alexia storming out of the house to “go on a drive and clear her head.”

It was a stupid fight; both of you thought the other was taking on too much at Barca and your respective national teams, and the lack of time together had been taking its toll. Frustrated, and really just missing each other, you’d gotten into an argument about which of you was too busy. It was both of you. Neither of you were ever people to give up, or step away, even when it was for the best, so you took your exhaustion and frustration out on each other.

You know both of you just need to calm down, and you would have given her the space to do so. Only, the minute she walks out of the house, you begin spiraling. You panic in a way that is completely disproportionate to the situation, but you can’t help it. She’s mad at you and you hate when she’s mad at you.

You need to do something to stop your panic. Your psychiatrist has decided on a new medication plan, in which you are on a lower dose of everyday meds, and take an as needed medication when you’re feeling extra anxious.

This is one of those times, you realize, as you shakily unscrew the bottle, and realize that it’s empty. You’d forgotten to pick up the refill earlier in the week, when you’d woken up anxious, and taken the last pill half asleep.

Cursing under your breath, you go to the bedroom, sitting down in the dimly lit room, and trying to do the breathing exercises you’d been practicing. It’s futile though, you’re already too far gone for that to work. You need either Alexia, or your medication.

You think about the conversations you’ve had with her over the past weeks, in which she assured you, over and over, that she would always be there to help you when you needed her. You aren’t really sure if she meant for you to talk to her when she was mad at you, though.

Deciding that you don’t really have a choice, you pull out your phone, clicking your girlfriend’s contact. You’ll just ask her to pick up your new prescription from the pharmacy, not to come help you. You don’t expect her to do anymore than that, not right now.

To her credit, she answers after only a couple rings, although her voice is still sharp.

“Sí?” She asks, not bothering to greet you, a sign of how upset she is.

“Alexia,” you say, not able to hide the relief you feel at the sound of her voice. You’re breathing heavily now, and you have to pause before you say anything else.

“What is it?” She asks, shifting to a more concerned tone.

“Get my refill of my meds?” You manage.

“Joder, yes, I will go now.” She answers, and you can hear the tires screeching as she makes what is probably an unsafe u-turn. Clearly, Alexia understands what’s going on with you, and it makes you feel better, if only slightly, that she doesn’t sound as mad anymore, just worried.

“Sorry,” you stutter, feeling bad for interrupting her time alone.

“No, it is okay,” she dismisses. “I will be there in 10.”

With that, she hangs up. You lean your head back against the bed, gripping the soft carpet under you in your hands. Shutting your eyes, it feels like only minutes have passed when you hear the front door open, and Alexia call out for you.

“Up here,” you yell out shakily. Alexia’s footsteps pound on the stairs as she races up them, bursting into your room and ruining the peaceful atmosphere that had been in place. She looks almost as upset as you feel, as she crosses the room in 3 long strides, grabbing a glass of water from your nightstand, and quickly getting out a pill.

She watches you take it, eyebrows knit together as she takes in your labored breathing. After a second of thought, she settles down next to you, leaving you the option of scooting closer to her.

“You can go, it’s okay.” You tell her, assuming she doesn’t want to comfort you, not when you just had a fight. Her tone tells you otherwise.

“Do not be stupid, I am not leaving.”

“But you needed to—“

“And you need me.” She says simply, as if you’re the only thing that matters. It dawns on you that maybe you are. You meet her eyes, then, and see nothing but love reflecting back at you. Not anger, not frustration, none of the things present before she’d stormed out. Convinced, you lean into her, resting your head on her shoulder. You allow yourself to forget about the fight, push all your worries from your brain, as you focus on your breathing, and steady, dependable Alexia next to you.

“Did you really think I would leave you like this?” The blonde asks quietly after a minute.

“You were mad. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d wanted to go.”

Alexia scoffs. “I love you more than I could ever be mad at you. If you need me, I will be here. No matter what.”

It’s not the first time you’ve heard this from her, but it’s the first time you really believe it. Maybe Alexia was telling the truth. Maybe there really wasn’t anything you could do to push her away, scare her off. She’d stuck with you through all the things you thought she wouldn’t, holding your hand, softly kissing your cheek through everything thrown your way.

It was overwhelming, the love you felt from her in that moment. You often felt like you couldn’t put into words how much you loved Alexia, but this was the first time that you’ve really been convinced that she loves you just as much as you love her.

You look up at her, eyes glassy, mouth opening and closing as you try to figure out what to say, how to express what you feel for her.

“What, amor?” She questions softly. Her eyebrows are scrunched again, and this time you aren’t panicking, and you can appreciate how cute it is, the way her worry for you is painted clearly across her face.

“I love you. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Alexia, I really don’t. You’re- you’re everything to me. Everything.” You whisper back.

Alexia’s face melts, all the tension leaving her, as she grabs your face in her hands, pressing a bruising kiss to your lips. You fall into it, the feeling of her lips moving desperately, but gently, against your own.

As you kiss her, you think you’ve maybe defined it, how much she means to you. Alexia is everything. Everything you could ever want or need.

——-

This wasn’t a request, just something I decided to write when I was anxious. I hope you guys like it anyway.

[modmad]

Hey Mod, I don't know what's going on that hurt you, I feel like I missed something that's happened, but I can tell from what I did see that it didn't just hurt you, but scared you and made you feel a Lot of doubt. I've also seen a lot of messages pouring in with support, and I want to share mine.

I have hypermobile type EDS, fibromyalgia, and a whole bucket's worth of faulty wiring in my brain. And I've always had stories to tell but I never felt I was good enough to share them. If it's because I can't focus enough to get through nanowrimo, or because I can't manage the focus and time towards drawing as a hobby, or the fact that an excessive amount of either for me leads to my hands wanting to shut down. But you? You *inspire* me. Your stories, all the ones I've seen, read, experienced in some way or another, they're so good. And you're open and honest with your fans about your own health, and of course, we support you and always would rather you rest and feel as best you can, instead of pushing out something and working yourself too hard. But all of this is to say that. I think I would have given up on my own stories if I hadn't found you and yours.

I hope whatever is going on sorts itself out, I hope you're able to keep telling your stories. At your own pace, in your own way. I think you deserve to be happy. If there's anything we (your fans, especially those of us too awkward to come off anon, whoops,) can do, to help in some way? Even if it's silly videos or cute cat pictures or whatever it is that could just help you smile. We're here. We love you.

woof. I woke up to so many messages I can't even read them all in one go I'm getting too emotional- I do feel I owe an explanation so I'll explain what happened under the cut but all you guys need to know is I'm okay, I got through it, I love you, and you're so important to me and I'm so grateful for all the messages that have asked me to stay.

tw for suicidal thoughts and all that

yeah so I have the bad morning of all mornings: was introduced to the fact there's this one character (Mr Puzzles) on a very popular youtube that. resembles RGB. incredibly strongly. like. I don't want to link to it just look if you want to. Anyway at the time I thought it had just dropped (seems to have been around for 6 months actually), and having commented on it I immediately got an inbox full of hate mail.

My website, meanwhile, had locked both me and my web designer out of it, and- already in a bad state of mind- I went into full on panic/paranoid spiral of 'they have hacked it, and they are going to delete any proof that I was here before them.' This of course wasn't true, and we have since recalimed control of the site (don't know what happened there but hey. it's fine???? haha. ha.)

On top of this my father has terminal cancer of the pancreas, which is horrible for everyone already but it means that- at some point this year- I am going to be the only person with an active income in my house. I am disabled, do not make a lot of money, and the cost of living is skyrocketing. Combine that with months of Despair at the world right now, with the multiple wars, genocide, corruption and AI and the loss of control any of us have over our IP or lives and I just decided it was time to end it all.

I somehow remembered this was a bad idea to act on immediately (hard during a period of entirely irrational thought) and instead went for a very long walk, crossed the bridge I could have jumped off and during that I came out of the worst of it. I then came back home to so much love online I felt deeply ashamed for ever contemplating it, and I cried a lot. My nose is still puffy and now my feet hurt! lmao

Anyway. Yeah. There's your context. I am not going to stop hoping, making, or living. I am prone to moments of weakness and this was one of the worst of them and I am still here, thanks in a large part to all of you. I might need you in the future to defend me against this, or people who take our ideas, but I hope you know that I will do the same for you. We need each other, and to be there for you I need to be here at all.

also fuck Mr Puzzles

[poweringthroughthis]

fever dream | nakamoto yuta

nsfw, mdni

pair: yuta x male reader

desc: Being an avid NCTzen for a while now, you can't believe the events that transpire once you finally get to attend the NCT concert in your country, and meet your biggest bias.

warnings: dirty talk, oral, anal s*x

It was most definitely a fever dream. Korean fans are truly lucky with how often they get opportunities to see their favorite artists perform live. The rest of us, on the other hand, check whether the name of our country has been included in the artist's list for the latest world tour, while we happily cheer them on from the confines of our homes. But as they say, good things shall come to those who wait. You never thought such a day would actually come but it has, and here you are, standing at the entrance of the stadium that NCT was set to perform at today!

For obvious reasons, your nerves were all over the place. You couldn't get rid of the giddiness no matter how much you tried to normalize the day mentally. In fact, the idea of soothing your nerves was what brought you here, at the venue.....four hours in advance. The entry gates were closed and security had barely begun overseeing the arrangements. As you took in the surroundings, two or three vans came to a halt in front of the gate. It didn't take much of a genius to guess the Neos had arrived. Your heart started ringing in your eardrums. You were about to see them in the flesh.

They were surrounded by bodyguards from all directions but you could see a comparatively relaxed formation of their security since no fans were here yet. You were admiring the boys from a distance as they came out of the vans in sweats, not wishing to misuse this opportunity and get in their personal space. Then you saw him, and your heart stopped for a second. Your bias, Nakamoto Yuta. He was absolutely ethereal. You almost missed his brief glance at you, chalking it up to your delusions. But it was hard not to faint when he asked the security guard something, pointing discreetly in your direction before he went in, trailing the other members.

The guard gestured you over but you were still somewhat confused. "Hey, you! You're here for the concert, aren't you? Mr. Yuta said you can wait backstage if you want to." Your eyes widened comically. Did you hear that right? You were afraid you were going to need CPR, this was a little too surreal for a random Saturday.

"um, but can I ask why?" you managed to croak out.

"Kid, do I look like I know that? Get in if you want to, or keep standing in the heat. I have work to do." he replied gruffly and you quickly entered the premises.

Finding the green rooms wasn't much of a hassle, with the halls being void of anyone and a door reading 'NCT 127' in ginormous font. The rooms must be divided based on subunits, you figured. The door made a creaking noise as you you shakily opened it and peeked inside.

Only one person was present, you couldn't see their face since they had their back towards you but it was easy to confirm by their hair color. It was Yuta. He seemed to be busy, either doing vocal warm ups or texting, but you had to clear this misunderstanding. "Hi? Um, I'm sorry if I'm interrupting but-"

"No, it's fine. You can come in." he turned around, smiling at you. He had a smile so radiant, you wondered how many hearts he had already captured with that smile alone. "I told the security to let you in."

"Uh, thanks? I think there has been a huge misunderstanding, I don't know you personally but you're free to correct me if I'm wrong." you replied, slightly more nervous now. He raised his eyebrow at that and motioned you to go on. "But, you're like a celebrity and I'm a nobody. I just want to make sure you're not mistaking me for someone else and you aren't in trouble or anything. It's okay if you need me to leave."

"Well, I've never met a 'nobody' before." he grinned, "You are very attractive, if I'm being honest. And you're welcome to stay as long as you want."

"T-thank you"

He was sitting on the sofa, the one closest to the door and he patted the space beside him, motioning you to sit down. You were unsure if that was appropriate, considering you had met the guy not even five minutes ago but it didn't feel right to deny.

"What's your name, cutie?"

"Uh, it's y/n"

"That's cute. Do you have any social media?"

"Y-yes."

"Let me follow you then, I don't really post but I'd like seeing pictures of you."

"Um, okay. If you want to, I mean." you were a stuttering mess, you couldn't believe this was happening. He followed your instagram handle, liking a few posts before following and you had never felt more self conscious in your life. You wanted to hide, you knew the pictures he was liking were all your cringey photos and selfies from your rare confidence boosts.

"Hey, are you shy around me?"

"Y-yes...sorry, this is really overwhelming. I've just been such a big fan for the longest-"

"A fan, huh? Tell me, is it a big turn off if I kissed you right now?"

You stared at him incredulously. "Um, well...I'm not sure if you're asking for my opinion."

"Oh, but I am." he smirked, moving closer. He had a hand placed on your thigh and his face was mere inches away. "What's the verdict?"

"No, not a turn off. Not at all." you said, barely above a whisper.

"Great. You're a sweet little thing if I've ever seen one." he said before closing the gap and capturing your lips in a gentle kiss. It was slow and sensual. He tasted like strawberry, probably because of the lip balm you thought.

Your hands went up to caress his face, and he placed his hands on your waist, bringing you even closer. You couldn't tell how much time had passed, the two of you were completely engrossed in each other. His hand trailed down to your ass and gave it a squeeze, eliciting a surprised gasp. You didn't want to, but you broke the kiss and stared at him.

"I'm not going to push you if you don't want this, I'd like to have your consent."

"I want it."

"Are you sure? We're complete strangers, you have no reason to trust me."

"I know, but I've had a crush on you for a long time. You can do whatever you want, honestly"

"Fuck, that's hot. I don't know how I'm gonna control myself, but I'm willing to try."

With that, he went back to kissing you. He started getting a little more aggressive with his movements, sucking your lower lip. He slowly trailed his tongue on your bottom lip, asking for entrance and you opened your mouth slightly, letting his tongue in. He was so experienced, you could only melt in his arms. You tried your best to keep up but were mostly overwhelmed. It was..your first steamy encounter, after all.

You broke the kiss, a string of saliva still connecting your mouths. Yuta stared at you with lust filled eyes, a smirk plastered on his face. "You're doing so good for me, kitten."

"I am?"

"Yeah, I'm going to make you feel good, so good." He got up and locked the door, turning back towards you and you realized that this was happening. He went back to sit next to you, bringing his lips back onto yours, his hands going under your shirt. You moaned softly as his fingers grazed your nipple. "You're so sensitive."

You broke the kiss. "Yuta, I'm a virgin."

He groaned and kissed your neck. "I can't believe I get to pop your cherry." He continued trailing kisses down your neck, his hands squeezing your nipples. Your hands roamed his back and shoulders, enjoying the way his muscles rippled under your touch.

"Take your shirt off, baby." He removed his own shirt, exposing his well built upper body. You felt yourself grow wetter just by looking at him. His body was truly godlike, his toned muscles glistening. You couldn't help but stare.

"You're so beautiful" he whispered. "You're going to look even more beautiful once I'm done with you." He started unbuttoning your shirt, taking it off completely and throwing it away. Your breath hitched, your body was exposed and Yuta was staring at it like a starved animal. He bent his head down and captured a nipple between his lips, licking and sucking, his fingers teasing the other. You were a moaning mess, the feeling was too much.

"Does it feel good?"

"Yes, god yes"

"Good. Tell me, have you ever touched yourself, baby?"

"Y-yes"

"And what were you thinking about when you did it?"

"You"

He groaned at that and pulled down your pants, along with your underwear. He kissed his way down from your chest to your thighs. His mouth was hovering over your dick and he looked up at you with a devilish smirk, "I'm going to suck you off, is that alright?"

"Please, I've never felt anyone's mouth down there"

"Good." He started by giving a tentative lick and you whimpered. He smirked and licked the underside, swirling his tongue around the tip. He slowly took the whole thing in his mouth and you threw your head back, moaning.

"F-fuck, feels so good"

He was bobbing his head, his tongue swirling around your dick, his cheeks hollowed. The feeling was incredible, you had never felt anything like it. You were bucking your hips and gripping his hair, trying not to cum.

"Cum in my mouth, baby"

And you were a goner. This was the craziest day ever. Yuta just said that to you. You wished you could replay the sound of that a hundred times over.

You came in his mouth, and he swallowed it all, moaning. He stood up and licked his lips. You were a panting mess, coming down from your high.

"You're such a good boy for me"

"M-more"

"Don't worry, we're not done yet"

He started undoing his belt, taking his pants off and throwing them aside. He was wearing a pair of black boxers, and his erection was evident. He pulled them down, his dick springing free and you were in awe. It was big, and thick, and you couldn't help but stare. He chuckled, "Like what you see?"

"Yes, it's so big"

"And it's all yours, baby." He stroked himself a few times, his precum leaking. "Are you ready, kitten?"

"Yes"

"Get on your knees." You obediently got down on your knees, facing away from him. He lined his dick with your entrance, rubbing it against your hole. You nodded. He slowly pushed the tip in, and it felt like your whole body was on fire.

"Fuck, you're so tight"

He grabbed your hips, and started thrusting, slowly. You were moaning and whimpering, the feeling was so intense. You had never felt anything like it. You were being stretched open, your hole being filled to the brim.

"Y-Yuta, faster"

"You like that, huh? You like my cock?"

"Y-yes, I love it"

He picked up the pace, his thrusts becoming faster. "Thought you were innocent, baby. Who would have guessed you'd turn out to be such a slut."

"Fuck, Yuta!"

"That's right, say my name."

You were being pounded into the floor, and you were loving every second of it. He was fucking you so good, his cock hitting your sweet spot. You were moaning and whimpering, unable to hold back.

"Fuck, you're so sexy. I'm close."

He chuckled. "My sweet little angel, you can't get enough of me."

You were close to climaxing, the pleasure was so intense, you could barely think straight. You were a moaning mess, Yuta was grunting and breathing heavily. He was pounding into you, his thrusts becoming more erratic.

"After today, I'll make sure you keep coming back for more. Make you feel good, just like this. Gonna ruin you for anyone else. You'll be begging for my cock, and only my cock."

"Fuck, Yuta!" You cried out, nearing your orgasm, his dirty talk sending you over the edge. You could tell you wouldn't last much longer.

"I'll turn you into a dumb cock slut. I'll train you to take my dick in your ass every day. I'll fuck you so hard, you won't be able to walk."

"Please, fuck me harder. Make me yours."

"You'll be walking to the concert ground funny. You'll be so fucked out, you won't be able to function. I'll make sure of that."

"F-fuck, Yuta!"

With that, you were both pushed over the edge, and you came, hard. Your vision went white, and your body was wracked with pleasure. You could feel him filling you up, his warm seed filling your ass as he pulled your head back towards him, neck straining as he sloppily kissed you.

You were both panting and spent. You had just had sex with the man of your dreams. He was still inside of you, and he was still kissing you. It was a passionate kiss, and you could feel his adoration for you. You were so lucky.

"You did so good for me, baby." He whispered. "Such a good boy for me."

You were too blissed out to reply. Your brain was not cooperating with the rest of your body, still in a state of euphoria.

"Let's get you cleaned up."

Yuta picked you up bridal style, taking you to the bathroom, your head resting on his chest. You had never felt so loved.

"Give me your number? I promise we can sneak off to a date whenever I'm off schedules. It won't be that easy, I know."

"I'd like that."

"It's a date then. I hope I didn't disappoint" he smirked.

"I should be asking that. I was a virgin."

"Baby, I'm happy you chose me. And if I may add, you were amazing. If not for the security standing outside, I'd have kept fucking you throughout the night."

"Oh god, please don't make me blush"

"I'll make it up to you."

And he did. The next concert stop, you found yourself on his bed, naked, being ravaged by him. And the day after that, and the day after that. Soon the two of you were something more, and neither person could have asked for more.

Maybe reaching the concert venue too early wasn't as stupid as you'd thought.